#and the fact that it came from another butch
Text
Ngl still hurt by the anon who said my partner and I are both too feminine to tell im the butch despite the photos in question being from halloween and everything
#like i know i should just move past it and anon was clearly the asshole in the situation#welp... i am sensitive and already have trauma around being percieved as/told im too feminine to be how i wanna be👍#and the fact that it came from another butch#and they said they also are low income and wear feminine stuff like dresses sometimes#which... i know that is so hypocritical why am i letting someone like that get me down#and i wasnt even wearing a dress or a skirt or anything i just had halloween themed fake nails and a headscarf and like. a miniscule amount#of makeup on#but anyways#the fact it came from another butch really hurt#cuz like. id expect someone w a similar gender experience to understand how fucking hurtful that is#and i keep thinking about it bc i wanted to be poison ivy for purim but i keep having panic attacks#bc i keep worrying ill get told im too feminine again#fuck my life#vent
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok ive had enough of queering judaism. can we start judaizing queerness now. or something
#like. it feels like so much of this queering judaism shtus just layers an american/secular queer identity over judaism#which i guess is fine for certain communities. but it's only going to push you away from orthodoxy#and if as queer jews we already feel like our queerness makes us into secularized outsiders in our own communities#how does this help? is trying to get our communities to embrace an essentially secular american iteration of queer identity supposed to mak#us feel LESS like outsiders? it's not quite doing it for me#we need a queerness that comes from within judaism that is essentially jewish#ive seen a couple of articles recently from ppl talking abt how word/concept of butch doesnt exist in their language & culture#but they use it anyway#& like. i love being butch. it's important to me ill never give it up#& i am american too. but my whole identity as a butch he/him lesbian is exclusively secular american it came from the outsifr#which is definitely due in large part to the fact that my Gender Problems were really tied up w orthodox jewish gender roles#so naturally to get out of that i'd pull on something not jewish. but i wish there was another option? idk if that's possible#or how it would look#maybe that's why im obsessed w the idea of a butch w long curly payos.... 😦#i forgot where i was going w this but yeah it's frustrating#this is a large part of why im wary of starting a queer Jewish club on campus bc the people who would wanna start it w mr#well no offense but they are insufferable about this#(incidentally they're also insufferable about chanukah. no surprises there)#nachi speaks#jew blogging#others have Actually written abt all this tho
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
Butch up that Elf: my Marcille manifesto
TBQH, this came into being because the Falin "dragoness" fanart rewired my brain completely. It's sillytimes, but we're going to make a serious argument: trying out being a little butch would Fix Her.
1. Marcille Gender Discomfort
Now, Marcille LOVES feminity. She loves playing dressup, she loves elaborate gowns, she spends her free time going to the spa - the absolute last thing I want is to deny that. However, there's also a definite vibe that this isn't just a preference. Specifically, the way that she pushes Falin towards femininity suggests that she isn't comfortable with gender nonconformity in the people around her.
If this was something she was 100% confident about ("I'm doing this for myself and nobody else!") surely what other people do wouldn't be a big deal? Of course, you can read this as a little bit of solipsism; "what works for me must work for you too! I think this is so cute and would suit you - wouldn't you agree?"
But for the sake of this argument, all I'm trying to suggest is that gender nonconformity (and probably sexual nonconformity... well, frankly, any kind of sexuality at all) is unlikely to be something that's on Marcille's "radar". She hasn't tried out other ways of presenting and decided she doesn't like them. I do think she'd be a very flamboyant butch - "ouji lolita" vibes, you know? It's a whole new set of wardrobe options she could play dress-up in, even.
After the story ends, she starts dressing like her mother in all black, which makes sense - her mother was also a court magician, so she's probably emulating her in order to project confidence and authority. But I can't say I think she should stick with this. Break away and be your own person, Marcille! Try a fancy waistcoat and frilled jacket!
2. Haircut
This is another potential hard sell, I'm sure. The people she loves doing her hair is a cute symbol of their care for her, and her hair is key to her magic - so there's plenty of reason for her to keep it long. But like... think practically. Having someone do your hair every morning, for the whole of her long life, while it gets messier over the day (because she can't remember to keep it neat)... That's got to be such a pain. My hair gets messy when I put a hoodie on. And I have short hair.
It would require her to go through a change of mind, and probably a little more growth in how secure she feels in her relationships, but - the hairdo's a symbol. The more important thing is the relationships themselves. Eventually I think there might be something liberating about cutting it off, even if she might eventually decide to grow it out again.
The lion, her trauma, took something away from her which was really important to her. The people around her are able to make that easier, and make up for it, and soften that loss, but... Mithrun isn't the person he was before, you know? He's a new person. The relationship he has with his brother is new, and I don't know if it's one that the person he was before could have had. If Falin hadn't died, they wouldn't have gone on that wonderful adventure! They wouldn't have met Senshi or saved Izutsumi and Laios and Marcille wouldn't have gotten so close. So I think it's totally congruent with the themes of the story that the burning away of this part of Marcille's self might eventually create the potential for new growth in a new direction, not clinging onto the parts that are gone.
This also isn't totally out of the norm for elven mages - both Otta and Flamela have short hair. Otta is canonically butch, and potentially Flamela reads that way to elves too, but the point is it clearly is possible to be an accomplished mage without long hair.
3. Desiring (to be) a chivalrous prince
Marcille's succubus is clearly General Halleus from her favourite book series, the Daltian Clan. The fact that this is her ideal man.... it certainly plays into readings of her as Not Straight. But at least, this conveys the way her conception of sex and romance is strongly idealised, dissociated from the bodily and from physical desire.
There are many ways to interpret that, including thinking about what types of desire this fixation is obstructing because she is not comfortable with it, but I am going to focus here on what this desire does signify. She likes the trappings of courtly romance, and is clearly comfortable putting herself in the role of the princess, being taken away on a white horse by a noble (but tormented; eyepatch has "death" on it lmao) prince. (Though I think he's actually the token male lead who isn't royalty; he's a General. There's always one in Romfan, lmao. IYKYK)
A kiss on the hand - this is so chaste, I think it's clear it's more about desire to play a role in a dynamic than it is about desire in a physical sense. There is undoubtedly a big part of Marcille that wants to be a beloved and chased-after princess, but I think it isn't at all impossible that she'd also enjoy being the powerful, cool, and chivalrous "prince" to someone (a pretty girl, perhaps) who needs her protection.
This is a little silly, because it's clearly just aping the shoujo artstyle that articulates basically the same idea as her succubus, that Marcille is attached to highly abstracted and idealised romantic (and Romantic) tropes and ideas. But the imaginary "successful" Marcille from chapter 4 looks quite similar to her succubus. (Another thing I noticed is that in the fantasy she has sharp ears... like full elves have. Despite what she says, I think the cultural messaging that this trait is "attractive" and hers are inferior got to her at least a bit. 😥)
Also, the way that she treats Falin, scolding her indulgently, trying to look after her and wanting to be looked up to and respected by her... that aligns more with the "masculine" role in the trope that her succubus is referencing. "What are we going to do with you...?" I can imagine her saying this to Falin, word for word. Whereas, if anyone real started talking down to her, even affectionately, I don't think she'd like it, given the negative way she reacts when people don't respect her or her skills. Especially after canon, given the way the Winged Lion was treating her.
Her attitude to Falin is partially down to her reluctance to acknowledge Falin as an adult, who is independent and can grow beyond her and leave her behind. But I think even as they move on from that unhealthy dynamic, Marcille is still going to get pleasure from feeling capable, reliable, able to look after and protect Falin. She'd like to pull the chair out for her in a restaurant on a date, you know?
4. Conclusion
Even after the growth she goes through during the story, there are parts of Marcille's character that are very much obstructed. Romance, sexuality, and gender, feel like one of those to me. The way that her discomfort with the messy origins of food betrayed a deeper, more significant discomfort with the cycles of life and death.
Much in the same way, I'd argue that the simplified, idealistic, and safely fantastical way that she views romance, as well as her very "safe" gender presentation and tendency to push it onto others as well, suggest an underlying discomfort in her own gender and sexuality. The character growth she goes through leaves her in a place where it may be possible to safely re-evaluate her relationship with Falin, as well as her choice of clothing and hairstyle, both things that go through a change at the end of the manga. Neither, I think, reach a sustainable stopping point that we see - there will be a point when it's more servants doing her hair than friends, just out of practicality, because they're all going to be so, so busy. The black clothing to copy her mum is cute, but once she gets some more self-confidence in her own skills as a court magician, I think she'll move on from it. And... who knows what direction her relationship with Falin will develop, over the years? I'm rooting for them, anyway.
In all those cases, I think moving outside of the things she's done before, into something really different from the things that are "safe" and expected, will be the most rewarding path for her. Like in the dungeon, things that she would initially reject were actually able to sustain her and broaden her tastes. She loves dressing up, looking after people, and "princely romance". So I say: Butch Marcille! It'll be good for her!!
#og post#marcille donato#falin x marcille#farcille#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi meta#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#dunmeshi
1K notes
·
View notes
Photo
Queer TV
This is a strange time to be writing an editorial on queer representation. While the past year has seen an incredible uptick in queer stories being told with humor and heart on the small screen, 2022 has seen a record high of 238 proposed anti-LGBTQIA+ bills in the US—nearly half of them targeting trans folks. Representation is important, though, and demand for more queer stories is growing (and, to some degree, being met), with a lot of good books and comics making it to our screens. With that in mind, think of this as your selective chronological tour of all the times we won in the TV landscape of the last year (October 2021–October 2022).
Our dataset year started off with the much-awaited adaptation of Robert Jordan’s fantasy epic, Wheel of Time. With such extensive source material (15 books if you count the prequel, which is where the seeds of the sapphic storyline in Rafe Judkins’ adaptation are to be found), the viewership, generally speaking, was divided into book fans and show-only fans, and both camps shitposted and meme’d and reviewed with abandon.
The biggest queer-centric show we saw in the last year was the adaptation of @aliceoseman’s comic Heartstopper (@heartstoppercomic). Co-created by Alice Oseman themself, this adaptation was very sensitive to the much-loved source material. And, being native to Tumblr, these characters were bound to be welcomed with open arms when they hit the screen in an ebullient explosion of queer joy.
A run-down of the past year would be incomplete without the incredible queerdos of the Revenge who swashbuckled their way into our hearts. We’re referring, of course, to Our Flag Means Death’s Gentleman Pirate and his merry band of (living-wage-paid, no less!) shipmates. Your favorites included genderqueer Jim ‘not-a-fucking-mermaid’ Jimenez and Oluwande, Lucius Sprigg and Black Peter, Frenchie who just hates cats, and The Swede, who keeps his heart but loses his teeth. Then, of course, we have Blackbeard himself, or simply Ed, who is struggling with his identity (villain or softboi).
Based on the story by @veschwab and produced by @belletristbooks, First Kill was another adaptation that fans of vampire stories got very excited about. Add to that the fact that this was very much a sapphic enemies-to-lovers scenario between hunter Calliope and young vampire Juliette, and the pre-show excitement was palpable. The post-season disappointment even more so as fans turned to their dashes to vent about the lack of good lesbian and wlw representation in 2022’s TV landscape.
Where the cancelation of First Kill left us reeling, the Rockford Peaches from A League of Our Own came in clutch and soothed our sapphic souls. You love the show which you affectionately shortened, in good old Tumblr fashion, to a silly little acronym: aloto. Whether you’re in it for the gal pal aesthetics, the butch energy, or Uncle Bert, or some good old fashioned baller drama, there truly was something for all of your wlw whimsies here. Let’s go, Peaches!
@neilgaiman’s The Sandman series finally came out to much acclaim, and came out so gay that armchair reviewers of the homophobic sort really struggled to wrap their minds around quite how gay it is. We got pansexual serial killing Corinthian! Pansexual, demon-hunting, women-kissing Johanna Constantine! Some very loaded moments between Morpheus and Hob Gadlin! This is what dreams are made of (sort of)!
This whole list would be nothing, nada, a crumb of zilch whizzing around a black hole, if it weren’t for the writers who created many of these stories in the first place. So thank you to them. And to you, Tumblr, for celebrating the good and standing up for each other through another year. Here’s to a kinder 2023.
4K notes
·
View notes
Note
ahem so I just read your college fuckboy mizu headcanons (which I loved) and was wondering if I could request a lil something about fuckboy mizu genuinely liking the reader so she makes changes to convince the reader she's serious. Reader would probs be SUPER skeptical bc casual relationships isn't their thing but it'd be so cute. Obvs you can just ignore this if you don't want to do it my mind has just been mizu brainrot lately
so i’ve been letting this one marinate for a bit BUT: reader who gets together with Taigen to spite Mizu who won’t get serious for reader. Cue the jealousy, club shenanigans, and poet mizu (!!)
boyfriend by dove cameron for max brainrot
———
Taigen was a fine boyfriend. All things considered. He was better than most of the guys you’d been with before, and he had a motorcycle that he’d let you take pics with and post them on your feed.
But, he wasn’t Mizu.
This point had been made several times. Mostly on Taigen’s end. His constant whining of I see the way you look at her, god I bet you thought I was a woman huh, better yet—you wished I was her huh!
He wasn’t wrong, necessarily. It wasn’t your fault you’d gotten bored and decided to go to Taigen’s fencing practice. It wasn’t like you’d intended on falling head over heels for the hot butch lesbian who had a mean smirk and a sweaty jaw when she whooped Taigen’s ass.
You still remembered the way she had her neck bared, her hair falling over her shoulders, the beat of her heart nestled in between her collarbones, the dark green of her veins under her skin.
So, yeah, maybe you did have a thing for Mizu, who may or may not be your boyfriend’s biggest rival.
Heavy quotations on the rival part since Mizu didn’t give a shit that Taigen hated her—in fact, she didn’t care that the majority of the lesbians, bisexual, and bi-curious girls on campus hated her guts.
But that was what made her interesting.
You’d thought about it often: her, telling you to leave as soon as you’d come on her tongue or strap or fingers, (whatever was fine, you weren’t picky.) and you’d feel that tug in your tummy and your jaw would relax and fall open and—
“hah, did you come?”
And then you’d be back where you started: dating Taigen and fucking him and not being able to enjoy it or come or anything.
The thing was this: You’d only ever been in long-term relationships. Never dabbled in casual one night stands that Mizu was rumored to stick by. Even if you did want her, her time was limited. And you didn’t exactly love sharing.
So, when Taigen complained about having to go out this weekend to “bond or some teammate trust building shit, pfft, as if we aren’t trying to kill each other every practice. Not to mention Mizu will be there,” You convinced him to go, and for you to tag along. As moral support of course.
Now as much as Taigen loved telling you how much he hated Mizu, he liked coming to the thought of her much more. You’d done it quite often, bring Mizu up in sex, the way she’d fence and made him look like a fucking loser. How good she’d look kissing you, having you, taking you away from him. You’d both come then, not just him.
So you supposed it wasn’t that weird to be crushing over Mizu. Especially when the weekend came and the alcohol was sweet and fizzy and the wine dark and bitter, and the club lights shimmering on Mizu’s skin, her hair, her hands as she came up behind you.
“Hey.” She said. Simple, easy, confident. Her hands brushed your exposed back, the bend of your hip, the jut of your ribs.
“Hi.” You said. Sultry, warm, quiet so she’d have to twist closer to hear you when you gasped as she held your waist, tighter this time. A little mean, “I have a boyfriend.”
And she’d chuckle, and pull away and quirk her dark eyebrow up, “Really? Him?” A barely there glance at Taigen who was with the other fencing team members taking body shots off one another, “I could be a better boyfriend than him, you know.”
She spun you around, the steady heat of her palm always on you, “You know me.” It wasn’t a question. You saw the way Mizu’s eyes dragged across your body on her way over, her tongue on her lips as she stared. She knew you were Taigen’s girlfriend.
“Been watching.” She brought you closer, shifted her hands and then you were close. Closer than you’d ever been to her before.
She smelled heady and like pinewood. The plane of her chest was defined, sturdy, and you wondered if she had small breasts, if they were sensitive.
“Can’t believe I almost went home when you’re here—all alone.” She smirked, the same damned smirk you’d replay in your mind as you masturbated and thought of her, “Think I might just steal you from him, hm?”
Her hands slipped up your back, to the bottom of your nape, a demanding grip: there one second, gone the next. She watched your face, your lips, your neck.
“Does this usually work on other girls?”
You pushed away then, your legs wobbly and your underwear damp. You wanted, but you knew exactly what Mizu thought of you: an easy thing, something of Taigen’s. Good for a night, forgotten the next.
So you straightened your clothes, and met Mizu’s confused gaze, “I have a boyfriend.”
Mizu’s mouth twitched. Barely. But you’d caught it as you turned, and headed to the bartop. Even if Mizu was who you’d wanted, being a one-night stand wasn’t what you wanted.
So, you walked back over to Taigen, beers in hand, and watched Mizu as you kissed him wide and dirty. Her glare a steely weight in your belly, and on your beating cunt.
You’d make Mizu yours, one way or another.
——-
Let’s make this a 2 parter. Poet mizu will have to wait. Thanks for the ask :)
353 notes
·
View notes
Note
favorite queer retellings/interpretations of arthurian legend
hello anon!
this simple question has a complicated answer if only bc some authors seem to have created queer stories unintentionally! & i like them! i'll include quotes from my suggestions below a cut as there will be some mild spoilers but that may help you decide what stories suit your tastes as they vary a lot. you can also just go ahead & assume kay & agravaine are always queer (bc they are, not accepting crit) which makes narrowing down the list difficult for me.
TL;DR: Camelot 3000 Mike W. Barr & Brian Bolland, Exiled From Camelot/Trial of Sir Kay/Hunt for Hart Royal by Cherith Baldry, Spear Nicola Griffith, Guinevere/Morgan/Morgawse by Lavinia Collins, The Queen's Knight by Marvin Borowsky, Arthur Rex by Thomas Berger, The Road to Avalon by Joan Wolf.
Camelot 3000 by Mike W. Barr & Brian Bolland: reincarnation story with transman sir tristan coming to terms with his gender & sexuality so he can accept isolde's love for him & reciprocate. it's really beautifully written imo plus the art is so 80s & my exact cup of tea. it's dated in some of its handling of the subject matter but i think it was done thoughtfully for the time.
Exiled From Camelot, The Trial of Sir Kay, The Hunt for The Hart Royal by Cherith Baldry: the way baldry writes is overall my favorite ever but her kay is unparalleled he is everything to me. unequivocally disinterested in women (without misogyny, very important note). codependent on gawain if not fully in love with him the crown style. lots of hurt/comfort, kissing, holding & worrying over each other. they exchange a ring for god's sake. in exiled it says ragnelle was the only woman for gawain (based) but after she passed he's all kay's basically so this checks all my boxes. love wins.
Spear by Nicola Griffith: butch perceval pulling bitches chapter after chapter it's glorious. ends up settling down with nimue. bonus throuple arthur/guin/lance with a very sweet moment with lance talking to percy about them both. no homophobia (external nor internal) to be found its very enjoyable. beautiful prose. audiobook was wonderfully narrated by the author, which is how i read it, thus i've written out a quote here:
"Secrets may prove a burden. So...Lance, my mother is indeed Merlin's sister but I am not Merlin's sister's son."
Lance frowned. "I don't understand..."
"I am not his sister's son."
His eyes stretched wide. He reassessed the line of her jaw, the size of her hands. She nodded. Then he reassessed how she and Nimue sat with one another. This time, Nimue nodded.
Guinevere, Morgan, & Morgawse by Lavinia Collins: these aren't my favorite (did gawain really dirty, deal breaker) but the fact is they have multiple explicitly queer characters including: kay, lancelot, morgawse, agravaine, isolde, dinadan, etc. plus there were several poly scenes including one with guin/lance/kay, another morgawse/lot/visiting king/queen swinging. wild all around everyone is sleeping with everyone no character is unaccounted for. be warned these books are extremely graphic in every conceivable way. queer solidarity in the face of homophobia is a theme throughout. kay punches phobic urien & agravaine "saw nothing." shh its fine urien sucks. this hilarious convo between agravaine & morgawse kills me.
The Queen's Knight by Marvin Borowsky: an interesting retelling in which mordred is a grown up warlord right from the outset. he also happens to be queer. mind this came out in the 50s & contains pederasty, but mordred does later have a loving tragic relationship with fellow knight calogrenant (yay crackships<3), which others were aware of & helped conceal (kay, for example). agravaine is also queer, he only joins arthur's forces bc lancelot asks him to & continues to fixate on him for the whole book. typical.
Arthur Rex by Thomas Berger: so this book is super homophobic. but it's so homophobic that it circles back around to being pretty queer bc berger saw queerness everywhere, apparently. but the green knight is purposefully queer, so the kissing game's gender-role-reversal/bisexuality....escalates. david lowery wishes. both gawain & arthur are pretty homoromantic with lancelot to the point the narrative calls attention to it & then no-homos their closeness. agravaine appears to be queer too. he's the only unmarried brother (claims to be in love with guinevere but i don't buy it), he wants lancelot so bad he gets all tongue tied & stupid around him...wrecked.
The Road to Avalon by Joan Wolf: what's this? agravaine again? so in this version, lancelot is named bedwyr (inspired by mary stewart's quadrilogy) but he's lance in all but name. anyway agravaine constantly beefs with guinevere for his attention...& loses. plus it's implied agravaine slept with lamorak before his mother which is hysterical. (my fave crackship is thriving<3) agravaine topples the empire for a much older straight man. it would be funny if it wasn't so sad. let's give it up for problematic jealous slutty queers.
these are just the retellings i have read & liked. there are more on my retellings list but those were suggestions from others i haven't gotten to yet with the exception of dishonorable mention to the winter knight by jes battis. it has gay gawain & his bestie transgirl bi kay in that but the writing style was unbearable to me unfortunately i'm so sorry i just didn't like it. anyway thanks for the ask!
#arthurian legend#arthuriana#arthurian legends#queer#lgbtq#book recommendations#book reccs#sir tristan#queen isolde#sir lancelot#sir kay#sir gawain#sir bertilak#the green knight#sir agravaine#sir mordred#sir bedwyr#sir calogrenant#sir dinadan#queen guinevere#sir perceval#sir percival#nimue#lady of the lake#king arthur#queen morgause#ask#anonymous
93 notes
·
View notes
Text
MOGAI BHM- Day 12!
happy BHM! today i’m going to be talking about queer culture during the Harlem Renaissance!
Queer Culture During the Harlem Renaissance-
[Image ID: A black-and-white photograph of Gladys Bentley, a Black woman. In the photograph, she’s standing at the gate to a bar, wearing an all-white tuxedo- white dress pants, a white undershirt, and a white tuxedo jacket with coattails, as well as a white top hat. She’s carrying a magician’s cane/wand. End ID.]
The Harlem Renaissance was not just a movement that challenged racist norms. It was absolutely a movement of Black pride, but it was also in many ways a movement of Black queer pride. The queer history of the Harlem Renaissance has largely been erased from the world-at-wide’s perception of the Harlem Renaissance, but it was, according to Black professor Henry Louis Gates, “surely as gay as it was Black”.
Because of the fact that the Harlem Renaissance was based on the idea of liberating Black people from restrictive white social standards, sexuality and gender were challenged during this time period. Challenging sexual and gender norms became another outlet of Black liberation- allowing Black queer people to express their racial liberation through a means of sexual liberation.
The Harlem Renaissance came at a time when people were rebelling against Prohibition- so speakeasies became increasingly common. At these speakeasies, performances were held, and the musical nightlife of the Harlem Renaissance that developed in these speakeasies led to the development of Harlem’s queer nightlife- including drag balls.
Called “Spectacles In Color” by Langston Hughes, and commonly referred to as “fairy balls”, Harlem’s queer drag balls were huge extravaganzas. They consisted of both drag kings and drag queens, dressed to the nines, and there were contests for the most lavish costumes and performances. These balls were an explicit, unapologetic celebration of queer identity, and they also involved prizes for winners. A queer Black woman, A’Lelia Walker hosted queer parties and performances at her ‘Dark Tower’ building. Rent parties, cabarets, and other venues also hosted popular opportunities for queer people to convene and grow connections together.
It was also common for some performers to do drag as they performed at nightlife hotspots. Men dressed in long, lavish gowns, and women in tuxedos, and partied and performed together with background dancers also in drag. Perhaps the most famous of these drag performers was Gladys Bentley, a popular blues singer who often performed in full tuxedos. She sang many songs about her female lovers and relationships, and her shows featured drag performers.
Two other huge blues stars during the Harlem Renaissance were Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith- both of whom frequently and openly sang about their same-sex relationships. Ma Rainey, called “the Mother of Blues”, was arrested once for hosting a lesbian party in her home. In the 1930s, popular Blues singer Lucille Bogan made the song “B.D Woman’s Blues”, in which she sang “comin’ a time, B.D. women they ain’t going to need no men.” Short for ‘bulldager’ and ‘bulldyke’, ‘B.D’ is a Black slang for butch lesbian, and is just one example of the very racialized language of queer identity during this time. As described by queer Black woman Jeanne Flash Gray, a Harlem resident, “we were still Bulldaggers and Faggots… only whites were lesbians and homosexuals.”
Queer culture during the Harlem Renaissance was not at all limited to music and drag balls/performances- it made its way throughout prominent literature during the period. Richard Bruce Nugent, an openly gay Black author from the time period, became famous for many works including his “Smoke, Lilies, and Jade”, which was about a bisexual Black teenager and depicted bisexuality. He described himself saying "You see, I am a homosexual. I have never been in what they call 'the closet'. It has never occurred to me that [my sexuality] was anything to be ashamed of, and it never occurred to me that it was anybody's business but mine." Mae Crowdery, a Black bisexual writer, wrote bisexual poetry in “We Lift Our Voices”. Other key authors from the time period, including Langston Hughes himself and Claude McKay, were, though not very openly, queer.
Wallace Thurman was a Black author who challenged the way racism and queerphobia intersected for Black queer men- he saw the hypermasculinization of Black men, the way Black masculinity was sexualized and dehumanized- and challenged it, expressing his own form of masculinity through his literary work. Though he never came out or disclosed his personal sexuality or gender, he is noted for nonetheless challenging their norms.
The history of the Harlem Renaissance is undeniably queer- Black queer people were the heartbeat of the Renaissance, and they built queer history in that era and beyond.
Summary-
Many, many of the prominent figures of the Harlem Renaissance were queer- Langston Hughes, Claude McKay, Countee Cullen, Ma Rainey, Bessie Smith, Gladys Bentley, and many, many more
Embracing diversity of sexuality and gender became a way to become racially liberated, as shown through popular drag balls, called ‘fairy balls’, that frequented the Harlem Renaissance
Blues singers were a huge part of queer culture during the Harlem Renaissance- many of them were sapphic/lesbian, sang frequently and passionately about their lesbian relationships, and performed in drag
Queer literature during the Harlem Renaissance explored the relationships between race, gender, and sexual identity
Black and queer history are inherently intertwined, especially in the Harlem Renaissance
Tagging @intersexfairy @metalheadsforblacklivesmatter @neopronouns @benshapirosgaylover @cistematicchaos
Sources-
https://nmaahc.si.edu/explore/stories/harlem-renaissance-black-queer-history
https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Collected_Works_of_Langston_Hughes/SsgPcfpjhBcC?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=%22spectacles+in+color%22+langston+hughes&pg=PA208&printsec=frontcover
https://time.com/6104381/lgbtq-history-harlem-renaissance/
https://onlineexhibits.library.yale.edu/s/we-are-everywhere/page/the-queer-harlem-renaissance
https://www.nyclgbtsites.org/theme/the-harlem-renaissance/
https://www.queermajority.com/essays-all/black-and-queer-in-the-harlem-renaissance
https://scholarcommons.scu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1140&context=historical-perspectives
324 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am in fact writing down my thoughts on the new FHJY ep (Untapped Rage) here, sooo have fun!
I completely forgot about the whole Sandra Lynn's ex thing! And it's BOBBY DAWN?! Damn
"Sandra Lynn, messy! I love her" - Same Adaine/Siobhan, same
Sklonda going "I talk to her every once in a while, we get drinks and talk about having wonderful, great kids who are doing great adventuring"
Yea, those two are absolutely ranting about how reckless and overworked their kids are and "bless them, but can they never just act like normal kids?! Why must they keep dragging themselves into this shit??"
"Pundle, when are we getting that beer?" I want them to so bad!
Attend graduation FIG WHY did you say it like that? But yea, def there's gonna be some shit going down there!
"Not so secret secret society" - I haven't finished The Seven yet, but is it not so secret cuz dear Penny Luckstone cannot keep a secret? I'll find out soon!
GORGUG COMING THROUGH with that root question! And then Ally critting immediately again! Rootwarden trees are so cool!
"Uuh GERTIE is a ranger!" Hell yea Adaine, help your friend flirt and get together with your other friend's nemesis!
"She has doctor's appointments to go to!"
Fabian gets a text from Gilear asking abiut the babyclothes! This is honestly my favourite bit so far
BUCKY ISN'T ATTENDING CLASSES? ooeeeh
Aelwyn moves back to Mordred Manor! Her being SO mean to Kristen immediately, after Kristen is kindly was rude to her! Just Kristen, Fig, Adaine and Aelwyn all acting Peak Siblings, Big Slay
"You guys don't have to livestream this"
"What's up bitch, I cast legend lore on you and nothing came up" - I adore Petty Butch Adaine so much!
THE LEGEND LORE SPELL! I love him
Riz being of legendary importance due to summoning the night yorb is iconic, as is him realising he's on the night yorb wikipedia
"Two in one year, that's embarrassing for you, huh" PETTY ADAINE AT IT AGAIN
The British Straight Kristen Bit is great
Mazey's family being in a labyrinth in the red waste! HA, fantastic! And I love Fabian and Mazey's date! So sweet :)
AYDA LEFT ANOTHER MESSAGE/BOX FOR ADAINE AND FIG! CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT!
Adaine and Sandra Lynn interaction was so sweet!
JACE'S EYES FLASHING RED DAMN, i cannot wait to see more! And go to the mountains of chaos!
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
The violet sapphic flag
I decided to start work on a sapphic flag, as the original one did not feel inclusive to masculine presenting sapphics. The inclusive sapphic flag also felt too random for me to feel aligned, so I spent time researching a flag design
Excuse any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language.
Info below. Original thread here.
1. Why violets ?
The poetry of Sapphos often included talk of violet crowns, with one of her famous poems reading ;
` … Many crowns of violets,
roses and crocuses
…together you set before more
and many scented wreaths
made from blossoms
around your soft throat… `
Violets historically are considered a symbol of sapphic love and the LGBT movement, and are seen in pop culture, such as the cult classic lesbian movie, Bound. A 1926 play also involved a woman sending violets to another, as a potential nod to Sapphos. When the poem was censored / boycotted, women would send violets in support.
To say violets were not a part of LGBT + , and primarily spaphic / lesbian history would be a false statement.
2. Why these colours ?
I colour picked from violets themselves, primarily the African and common violet. One for their inclusion of white, and the other for its range of hues from more blue to magenta. I felt they could align with the various presentations seen within sapphic culture, as I myself ID as transmasculine / presently as a soft butch. There are those who are transfemme, femme, masc, androgynous, etc., and this various spectrum of colours I feel could align with how the community is not just one, but various shade of violet.
I spent time researching LGBT history, and have come up with meanings for these specific colours. They were carefully chosen for both traditional colour meanings, as well as symbolisms that align with the LGBT+ community.
From lavander to pink, both colours have a history of representing the community, and have become symbols reclaimed. From sapphos flowers, to the pink triangle, it is important to remember our history and struggles. Pink triangles itself was used as a symbol for transwomen, as an identifier for example [ as well as gay individuals, but this isn't about them at this time ] , but have been reclaimed to represent lgbt+ rights and our struggles. It is important to never forget those who came before us.
Each colour was picked based off traditional meanings, as well as identifying traits of the community.
3. Colour meanings?
From top to bottom, these colour meanings are ;
1. Femininity, health.
Pink is associated with femininity, so this is for the purely femme presenting individuals, whether trans, nb, or however they ID. It also is the colour of love, and health [ ex , ` everything is rosy ` meaning good ] .
2. Love, compassion.
A lighter shade of pink is usually associated with love, and with love comes compassion and understanding.
3. Youth and age.
From our lives comes the fact that, we as sapphics, lesbians, etc. know that deep down, this is who we truly are. Whether you're young, or come to the realization later, we live life as our authentic self. May we grow old and happy.
4. Limitless potential.
With those who are not afraid to break the gender / sexual binary, and present in ways uncaring of societal norms.
Whether trans, nonbinary, asexual, or uncaring of labels, I hope you find who you truly are.
5. Soft masculinity.
To be soft and masculine is frowned upon in society, but some of us present in ways that we deem just right. It is an oxymoron on many levels to those who do not understand, but we are indifferent and stand tall.
6. Wisdom.
With our history, we can learn and grow, it is important to never forget it. Ever on we march to assure that we are treated as equals.
7. Serenity, masculinity.
A nod to the original flag that brought us here, while also representing the other side of the spectrum for fully masc individuals. Once again, this is for those in the trans umbrella, or comfortable in their gender.
4. Who can use it ?
Sapphics or anyone who falls into that general category.
TERF / SWERFS / anyone not inclusive of the trans community are not permitted.
Please do not use if m - spec.
#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbt flags#pride flag#sapphic flag#sapphic#sapphic love#sapphic pride#lesbian#lesbian flag#flag meanings#symbolism#butch#femme#transgender#trans#trans sapphic#violet sapphic flag#sapphos#sun citadel#im so nervous#but its done#lgbt artist
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
How we got here from there
Or, the long journey of a longform long-running webcomic about a long man with long wings.
In the spirit of @feathernotes and @phantomarine who have been talking about just starting your webcomic and not worrying about being "ready", I was inspired to do a post about White Noise's origin! I'm a little limited by the fact that I either left behind or destroyed a lot of the art I have from prior to 2009, so you'll have to take my word for it.
Cringe Truth below the cut!
The Cringe Truth of White Noise is that it has its roots in a Pokemon x Yu Yu Hakusho x self-insert(s) roleplay thread I used to do with an internet friend I made on Neopets guild forums way back in 2002-ish. We would come home from school every day and RP over AIM, and then when we had to get offline, whoever left first would email the other one, and we would continue via email until we were back on AIM at the same time.
Liya was my self insert.
This isn't even remotely the earliest art of her, it's just the earliest I have on hand. I was drawing her for almost a decade by the time I drew this one. Imagine the earlier drawings as being like I traced over Sailor Moon characters that I printed out from deviantART and gave them a brown ponytail.
The funny thing is Liya really hasn't changed much from her original form! I also had loose brown curls that I kept in a ponytail 24/7 to the point that it showed when I had it down (which is why her hair is 'dented' like that). I did it because I was trans and didn't know it; she does it because she hasn't realized she can just cut it off and be butch yet.
Other characters that date back from this time period: Yoshi (originally an InuYasha/Rurouni Kenshin pastiche), Hawk (I don't remember when he got wings but they were white at first), Numair (named after the Tamora Pierce character and filling a Koenma kind of role), Helly (sort of--I had an elf character named Kamui who had the same temperament, and he was eventually transmuted into Helly) and...Kurogane.
I've never named Kurogane but he appears in the background of the comic a few times, as my own personal inside joke.
Vlad came along somewhere between this RP period and planning the comic, but I can't remember when or why. I don't have drawings from that time (~2004?) but he was the first character I drew when I got a tablet for the first time.
Everyone else came along later when I started actually planning out the comic.
All this said: the reason I started White Noise as a weekly webcomic is because I wanted to learn to draw better.
At the time I was in college majoring in animation, but I didn't feel like I was learning very much at all (the program was badly structured; I had more art history classes than anything else. It was a mess.) I was also working nights in order to feed myself, and so had a lot of downtime. I had this story rattling around in my head from my RP days, so I figured, why not just give it a go?
For posterity here's a photo of a chapter 1 panel in progress, back in 2011 with my typical college diet in the bg:
(Chapter 1 was originally pencil on paper, scanned in and colored in PS. I later re-drew it to make it fully digital to match with the rest of the comic.)
There's been a lot of talking about not waiting until you're 'ready' to start a webcomic, and I agree with that sentiment. Try framing it like this: making a comic every week for years and years will improve your art way more than any prep work you can do before starting the comic. It's like learning to swim. You can read about swimming all you want, but you're not going to really figure it out until you do it. If your early comics are bad, well, that's normal. It used to be an expected part of doing webcomics; I blame the shift into expecting webcomics to be polished from start to finish partly on commercialization in the space, but that's an angry rant for another time.
With this background, here's the collage I posted for WN's 10 year anniversary back in 2021:
And now we're here.
So do your webcomic. Put it on ComicFury or make a janky little site for it. Be okay with imperfect pages and be prepared to shout into the void for a while. Even if it's always a hobby, if it never makes you a dime or wins you any awards--that's fine! You'll be a lot happier if you learn not to worry about that stuff, and just make something that will help you grow and make you happy. We could do with a lot more work like that in the world imo.
#webcomics#comics#wn comic#white noise#comix#indie comics#webtoon#comic history#webcomic history#web comic#original comic#also I'm not going to tell you to not destroy your old work but...#it IS nice to have around so you can look at it and feel good about how much you've grown#can't say I regret losing all that stuff but whatever
121 notes
·
View notes
Note
"amatonormativity in lesbians" go outside and talk to real people, freak. if you dont like the term butch being about masc lesbians then pick another term, annoying misogynist.
fun fact: the word amatonormativity & the idea that butch is not a term unique to women who are exclusively into women both came from real people doing stuff in the outside
130 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy Pride 🏳️🌈
I want to wish a Happy Pride to:
Violets, “the Lesbian flower”
Sappho (c. 630-c.570), the Greek poet who lived on the island of Lesbos, often referenced violets in her ancient poems, thus creating a connection with female love, and this coded association endured for centuries. In fact, in 1927 the New York City district attorney’s office shut down the Broadway play The Captive because a female character in the play sent a bunch of violets to another female character, creating a big scandal
Crop Tops
Crop tops used to be associated with sports and were a popular option for manly, athletic men. However, the fashion of 1990′s and early 2000’s was dominated by loose and baggy clothing. Crop tops, which had once been viewed as hyper-masculine, came to be seen as more feminine and a fashion statement, which made straight men reject the crop tops and gay men embrace them.
Pirates
Back in the Golden Era of Piracy (1650-1730s), homosexuality was highly stigmatized on land and illegal in most places. However, piracy was known for rejecting societal standards and expectations. Queer relationships at sea were not uncommon, and pirates even had their own form of domestic partnership called matelotage. If you want to learn more, there are many pirates to choose from, but you can start with these: Anne Bonny, Mary Read, John “Calico Jack” Rackham, and Pierre “the pansy pirate” Bouspet.
Carabiners
Carabiners are a steel loop designed for rock climbers because they can easily be opened with one hand, which is useful when hanging on by the other hand. This practical tool for carrying around equipment was adopted by working-class people to carry keys. In World War II, a large number of women entered the workforce, and those who went into manual labor were usually more butch than femme. More traditionally feminine industries, like sewing or secretarial work, were closed to them due to their gender presentation. After the war, many women were reluctant to give up their new financial independence, and thus the carabiner is linked to female liberation and working-class aesthetics and this belt-side key chain came to be part of the lesbian style.
Lavender
Lavender is used interchangeably with “rainbow” to mean “LGBTQ+” at events like Lavender Graduations and the annual Lavender Law Conference. It’s thought that lavender became code for gay because it’s created by mixing pink and blue—colors which are culturally connected to girls or boys—thus blurring the distinction of what is feminine or masculine. One sweet use of this color connection within the queer community is on Valentine’s Day, lavender roses are often the choice of LGBTQ+ partners.
Lambda (the Greek letter)
In the early 1970′s, based on the recommendation of Tom Doerr, New York City’s Gay Activists Alliance chose as its symbol the Greek letter lambda, which looks like a lowercase “y” flipped upside down, because it’s used in science to represent kinetic energy. Kinetic energy is energy an object has due to its motion, thus making lambda a symbol of change. For example, Lambda Legal works for positive change to the legal status of queer people
Ace playing cards
Due to the word “asexual” being commonly shortened to “ace,” this led to a play on words by ace playing cards coming to represent asexuality. The ace of hearts and ace of spades are used to symbolize being aromantic and asexual respectively.
Undercuts
Queer people find ways to challenge heteronormativity, whether it’s gay men bleaching their hair blonde or lesbians rejecting the association of long hair with womanhood. Short hair has become associated with lesbians, whether it’s a bob, a brightly-colored close crop, and most iconically the undercut which is a hairstyle that leaves the top part of the hair medium length or long but has one or both sides and/or the back of the head shaved closely
Brunch
Brunch is THE gay meal and for a number of reasons. There was a time that brunch wasn’t viewed as respectable, but rather was a meal for those who’d stayed out late partying. Bucking tradition is a queer tradition and so brunch is a natural. On Sundays, brunch exists at a time many people are at church, and it’s a great use of that time for queer people who chose to leave churches that reject them. Gay spaces were generally bars and clubs which are usually nighttime spaces, but brunch was radical as a place gays could gather and be themselves in the daylight. Historically, queer people found it more difficult to secure gainful employment, and brunch is a bargain, usually half the price of dinner, so it makes sense the queer community flocked to a meal that was more affordable. Brunch is more casual than a proper breakfast or dinner and therefore is often accompanied by fun conversation and gossip. Brunch offers a greater variety of food options than the typical meal, there’s something for everyone. Could anything be more queer than variety & acceptance?
Ms. Frizzle
In the 1990s, the popular children‘s television show “The Magic School Bus” featured a teacher, Ms. Frizzle, who was never confirmed to be queer, but she was definitely queer coded, such as her quirky fashion style of mismatched brightly-colored patterns & those big earrings. She bucked gender norms by being a woman teaching STEM topics, and having a love of adventure. Another clue is she wasn’t married at a time when gay marriage was not legal. Also, the character was voiced by lesbian actress Lily Tomlin.
Women’s Hockey
Women’s hockey has a joyous history of lesbian players who are visible. In 2017, Caroline Ouellette and Julie Chu—former captains of the Canada and US ice hockey teams—welcomed their newborn daughter into the world. The following year Meghan Duggan, the captain of the US women’s Olympic ice hockey team, married her girlfriend Gillian Apps, who played for Team Canada, and they had faced each other in the 2010 and 2014 Winter Olympic finals. Dating & marrying your opponents, lesbians are setting the example for World Peace
BLÅHAJ
Blåhaj—pronounced blaw-high—translates simply as "blue shark" in English, and is a toy introduced by IKEA in 2014. The blueish body, white underbelly, and pink mouth are the trans flag colors. There’s so few things designed and marketed for trans people, that it’s delightful they latched onto this cute and cuddly plush shark
Keith Haring art
Keith Haring was an American pop artist who advocated for safe sex and AIDS awareness through his images. In 1988, Haring designed the logo for National Coming Out Day, which is still used today. A year later, he established the Keith Haring Foundation to provide funding to AIDS organizations. He died in February 1990 of AIDS-related complications. His distinctive and instantly recognizable style came to define the 1990′s
61 notes
·
View notes
Note
OLDER BUDDIE FIC OH MY GOD
That’s the one from this post (with an opening scene here) but to summarize; outsider pov of a new recruit learning about Captain Buck Diaz’s legendary rivalry with another station’s Captain Diaz but uh oh oops wuh oh I got my angsty little hands all over it and got too attached to the probational firefighter I made up and gave her family drama. She grew up in Boron, California (Buck is enthusiastic when he learns this and starts spouting facts about the town [Named after the element! Second largest source of boric acid in the world!] and she’s like how in the fuck did you know that and he claps her on the back and says I think I’ve probably read about half of Wikipedia at this point in my life) and her dad was a firefighter there, she was going to UCLA to get a chemical engineering degree to work in one of the refineries or other industry in her town that’s sprouted from the mines, but when she gets word that her dad died she drops out to become a firefighter. She also grew up gay in a small town and could never get femininity to sit right on her but god she tried so hard, and it was fine when it was this open secret but when she actually came out to her dad he did not accept her. I picked Boron because I googled “town furthest away from hospital California” asdfgsdfg he had a heart attack and the firefighters got to him in time but they couldnt get him to the hospital fast enough. Anyway now at the 118 she talks about him like he’s still alive and leaves him voicemails about LA and the team and everything, and Buck has started calling her John, which is a nickname her dad called her when she was little, and she cuts her hair short and has a bit of a gender crisis as she slowly accepts herself as butch and more comfortable presenting masculine, and Buck is just so happy and supportive and eventually she breaks down and admits her father is dead and she’s following in his footsteps and it breaks her heart that he wouldn’t be proud of her he never wanted her to be a firefighter he didn’t think it was a girls job but she loved him so much and he loved her so much and god now shes weeping in the back of the engine and Buck is very gentle about it all (you KNOW he’s been telling Eddie all about this kid, you KNOW he calls home after this like Eddie is it legal to adopt a full adult. How mad would you be if I brought a probie home) and then we wouldn’t even see Eddie till the end of the fic where they all work the same scene and John is like shit the rivalry are they gonna fight?? There’s certainly some kind of energy between them… and then Eddie gets his shoulder dislocated and Buck is calm and professional getting him out of the building but but as soon as a paramedic has popped it back in they collapse into each other a little and theres some tasteful kissing and like imagine both of them with gray in their hair and really good at their jobs after doing them so long and still so in love and bantering with each other… John is flabbergasted and Buck is like literally if you accepted my invitation to the family barbecues you would have found out about all this much sooner
#i cant decide if chimney still works at the station. i kind of like it because of his I was the first one here Ill be the last one to leave#attitude but i imagine this is like 15 years from now so he’d be very near retirement age#i think hen is retired or maybe a doctor#Bobby definitely retired but still cooks for everyone all the time and maybe even brings food into the station occasionally#Chris is getting his masters degree somewhere another factor in Buck wanting to bring the probie home he’s suffering empty nest syndrome
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I’ve started a story about Patrick, and wanted to start sharing it on here! I also have it on Wattpad under the name Kaylakuy and the story is called Deadly Inferno. Let me know what you think so far!
Warning: Mature Themes
Word Count: 1104
Part 1 - The Bowers Gang Girl
Summer nights in this hellhole of a house felt entirely endless as the days and nights dragged on. Staring at myself in the mirror with the consistent cigarette burns and bruises that were imprinted fingerprints in my skin were the norm. With my bedroom door locked and window open, the curtains I've had up for what felt like years slightly ruffling about from the subtle morning breeze, I stared at myself in the body length mirror my mom once got me. Mom.... I missed her more than anything. But at the same time, I hated her guts. Leaving Henry and I like she did because she couldn't handle our dads stupid ass was ridiculous. She abandoned us. And look at us now. Henry's so lost in this darkness he can't seem to get out of, not that he wants to. And I just simply do my own thing, smoke in private with Beverly who sneaks me cigs when she can, burning my own skin because it was an ounce of pleasure I somehow enjoyed. Pain. It was something to feel. And I strangely liked it.
"Leslie! Get your ass down here before we leave you." I slipped on my black tank top over my frilly red bra, not caring if the straps were in full view for anyone to see. Everyone already thinks I'm the town slut. Why disappoint now? I grabbed my backpack from the side of my bed and slung it over my shoulder whilst making my way out of my room and down the stairs of our two story house that hadn't truly felt like home in years.
"Dad's in a mood. Ignore him." Henry and I both eyed him from his usual chair, seeing his eyes trained solely on the tv ahead of him. Butch Bowers was an asshole. Let me just start by saying that. A hardass. Controlling.
"Leslie? Don't forget what I told you." I rolled my eyes with a subtle answer to his demand, a little okay slipping through my lips before we bolted out the door. And that would be to stop being a hoe and not sleep with every guy in town. When in fact, I'm still a fucking virgin. I'm 15 with no intent of wanting some dick inside me at any given time.
"You'll have to sit between Patrick and Vic. But I swear to fuck you better not let them touch you. Dad will kill me if he hears another story about you and Patrick...." I sighed a little in annoyance, never understanding how these rumors came to be from the little spies that are called parents that always seem to tattle to my dad. Patrick Hockstetter had been friends with Henry since I could remember. Lanky, long dark hair and green eyes that seemed to bore into my soul at any given chance with wandering hands that loved to go down my shirt when he possibly could, once unbuttoning my shorts right in the trans am in full view of my brother, Vic and Belch. He almost made it past my underwear line before I slapped his hand away and scoffed, buttoning my shorts back up as quickly as possible. Thankfully, Henry didn't notice. But Vic did. And he was trying to hide a smile. Patrick and I had this dynamic that Vic new all too well. He knew everything because I told him. He'd been my best friend since we were little, the reason he's now in what they're called as, The Bowers Gang.
"Just so you know Pat, I will slap your dick if you do anything. Got it?" I slipped in next to him as he mock saluted me with a little humored smirk on his undeniably cute face. He loved torturing me. It was his hobby to torture. Specifically me.
"Alrighty Princess." But his arm laced around my waist anyway without hesitation, only drawing me closer to him as Belch took off down the driveway once Henry was in the passenger seat, my light brown hair blowing in the wind.
"Careful. Your dad might see today. He's been at the school a lot since Betty Ripsom disappeared." Vic's helpful warning in my ear was another shot to the heart I hadn't been thinking of. Betty. I used to sit next to her in math class. She was sweet. But I knew she was dead. There's no way she's still alive. And with all the talk of who's taking these kids, it's honestly terrifying. But with summer break starting today after the last day of school, so many would forget, making her just another missing poster on buildings.
"Hockstetter I swear I will beat your ass if you don't quit touching my sister. And you know I fucking will." Henry's usual temper was in full swing this morning and his voice was as dark and threatening as could be. He hated the idea of Patrick and I. He always had. But Patrick never did let go of me until we got to school and we all clambered out of the trans am, Patrick's eyes directly on my ass the entire time I was walking towards the building. And I knew this because I could practically feel his eyes burning holes in my cheeks. Henry suddenly grabbed my arm roughly, pulling me away from the guys and dragging me away with such a look on his face that he could just make someone drop dead from said look.
"Remember what I said. Don't fuck around with that fag Hockstetter. I see the way you look at him....." I shoved away from Henry just as Vic came walking past with an apologetic look on his face. He knew how bad my home life truly was. He knew Henry could be violent with me and dad? Well he was on a whole other level.
"I don't "fuck around" Henry. Regardless of what people say. But if I want to do anything with Patrick, then maybe I will." Maybe I should was all I kept thinking. My eyes connected with Patrick's as Henry stalked away from me with anger boiling in his blood, seeing the firm look of interest in his green eyes. And that never wavering smirk on his lips.
"It's so hard to believe little Leslie Bowers would be interested in a Hockstetter like me. I'm pretty dangerous ya know?" I looked out to see a patrolling police car and knew it was my dad, his eyes connecting with mine from across the busy school yard. He looked pissed. He hated Patrick. And that's what attracted me more to him.
#owen teague#horror#patrick hockstetter#it#stephen king#story#fanfic#the bowers gang#henry bowers#victor criss#belch huggins
23 notes
·
View notes
Note
howdy jen!
I’m a younger butch, 22, and i only recently came into this label in the past year or so. i cut my hair and started embracing myself and am so much better for it, but it’s also brought a lot of struggle. primarily, i have a really hard time feeling desirable. i don’t know if it’s something to do with where i am or just my age, but i feel like it’s so much harder to meet people who are into people who look like me. it’s hard to look visibly queer, and it’s hard to be masculine. a lot of the time i feel pride in my roll as a protector and safe person, but it becomes so exhausting when i never feel safe myself. when i never feel desirable. i wonder if this is a common thing amongst butches, and if so, how do i get past it?
You could be me talking when I was 23 and just coming out. My first thought, once I really realized that I was a bit different from many of my female friends, was “What lesbian is going to be attracted to me? Lesbians like other women and I kind of look like a boy”. I truly thought that my stature, the way I walked, whatever energy or movement got me consistently mistaken for a boy (or man) was the very reason why I would never find love or passion with whom I most desired, another woman.
In college I toned it down, I kept my hair long with a sort of short in the front mullet. I wore generic jeans and a sweatshirt to try to be somewhat comfortable but also unremarkable in my clothing choices. Looking back it made no difference. I was clockable as a lesbian, and butch, long before I fully admitted who I was to myself.
I felt unattractive. I refused makeup and more feminine clothing and convinced myself it was because I was a “feminist” or didn’t want to invite the gaze of men because I wanted to focus on college and not date. I just knew I would be alone forever (which sounded better than being with a man in any case) and no woman would look at me as anything more than a goofy friend.
Years later, after talking to my old friends and nights chatting with my older lesbian friends in my early 20’s I realized we all shared very similar experiences. Very few women think of themselves as desirable to others. It was the rare one, usually traditionally attractive and outgoing, who had some idea that she was interesting to the opposite sex even if she had no desire for that. Most of us had this idea that we were just plain, or ugly or just not attractive, especially to the demographic we most wanted to desire us as a romantic partner.
The fact is, many women have a similar feeling to what you are going through regardless of her sexual orientation.
On to the good news. The greater Western culture tends to portray butches in the media either ugly and rude or stoic or as some perfectly physically fit woman who wears a sports bra to show off her muscles and is brimming with a snarky confidence. That is show biz and not real life.
I hear young butch4butches and young femmes and garden variety lesbians lament all the time that they can’t find butches today. “Where have all butches that love being butches gone?” they ponder. So as a butch there are plenty of women out there seeking you and wanting to see and meet you.
We are quite visible and it is hard to hide our lesbianism when we are in public. And most of us don’t want to. We want to be comfortable as ourselves so we put on a stiff upper lip and go into the world looking as confident and sometimes as tough looking as we can muster. Once you meet the right friends and date a woman with whom you connect you will find a feeling of safety if you let it. Allow your friends to carry some of the burden. Listen to them when they say they have your back. Let the woman you are dating stand up for you and talk about how wonderful you are.
Take a look at my tiktoks or posts here on tumblr and you will see that butches are loved and appreciated but a vast majority of the LGBT Community.
Wear what makes you feel confident. Get out to events at the gay bar, concerts, even non profit fundraising events. Take the time to go to places that require you to dress up and put some effort into picking an outfit that suits you. Looking good can truly lead you to feeling good. You can boost your own confidence by getting a good haircut that you love, shining your boots and putting on some light cologne. The best way to get past the feeling of being inadequate as a dating partner is to get out and meet more women to befriend. The more women you meet the more you can see you are not alone
As you meet more people, and form more community connections, you become more comfortable as yourself and you feel much less endangered in public. You learn that much or your fear is thinking others are watching you when in reality most people are just trying to get through their day. This is not to say it is not important to read your surroundings, it certainly is, but you will feel much more at ease if you feel confident in yourself.
97 notes
·
View notes
Text
Patrick Hockstetter x fem reader-Bowers littel sister.
Yns POV.
Patrick Hockstetter Many know him as the school's psychopath. I, on the other hand, know him as my boyfriend, Patrick and I have been together for two years now, and we are both very happy with each other. Yes now I know what you're thinking but wait a minute now Patrick is not known for just lying around and not knowing what love is. Yes, but everything apparently changed when he started hanging out with me more and more, he started to fall in love with me. It took a long time for me to believe his words because of all the rumors. But then when I saw how much he started to change I started to fall for him too, he started to stop flirting with all the other girls in our school and one day he told me that he loved me and that he just wanted me and only since then has it been him and me.
But there is one person who HATES our relationship and then there is another person who thinks it's crazy. I'm talking about my dad Butch Bowers and my brother Henry Bowers. Yes I'm a Bowers I'm Henry's little sister, but can you guess who hates and who thinks it's crazy. If you guessed that my dad HATES our relationship then you guessed right. My dad absolutely HATES it and that's why Patrick and I try not to mess with each other when he's around. Henry does not like it but he allows it because he wants me to be happy, but he keeps a very close eye on Patrick. Many in our school think I'm crazy that I'm dating him but I do not care I love being his girl.
( Back too the story).
Right now Henry and I were standing by our school lockers waiting for the others and we saw the "Losers Clube" as they call themselves, Henry looked at them with a threatening look while I looked at them with a friendly look they passed by and Henry snorted to them when they had passed by. I do not understand why they can not just let them be I like them are actually my best friends. Even though I'm Bower's little sister, they let me actually hang out with them, it's really fun to be friends with them. Okay it can be really hard sometimes when Richi is flirting with me all the time, I have warned him about Patrick but he just laughs at those words until he meets him.
My thoughts are interrupted by the fact that I felt a pair of familiar lips on my neck, and two familiar arms around my waist and a very familiar voice whispering in my ear.
Patrick: What do you think of Kitten?
Henry:Patrick stop calling my sister Kitten and stop getting horny with her near me.
Patrick: What is not my fault that your little sister makes me so horny and she is just mine and what is the name she wants to be called in bed.
Henry: WATCH IT HOCKSTETTER!!!! You should be very happy that I even allow you to date my little sister and that I even chose to believe in you when you came to me and said that you love her and just wanted her.
Patrick started laughing at my brother's threatening words he loves to tease my brother about our relationship. But what Henry said about Patrick going to him when he discovered he was in love with me is really true and that's one thing Patrick never jokes about. I could see Henry getting angrier and angrier, so I somehow managed to get away from my boyfriend and held both my hands up to them both teenagers and said.
Yn: Okay now we take it easy, we do not have to have a bloodbath out here in the corridor okay. So Pat you stop telling my brother about our sex life and Henry I will always thank you for allowing me to date Patrick and please stop giving him killer looks.
Patrick: Okey Baby.
Henry: Okey Shorty.
After they had calmed down, Vic and Belch came and we started to go to Belch's car. The three of them started to walk in advance and before I had time to catch up I felt Patrick pushing me up against the school cupboard and started kissing me hard, typically Patrick and I knew that the whole school could see us but he did not care. His hands held tightly around my waist not too tight just so it was enjoyable. We stopped the kiss and he whispered in my ear.
Patrick: You're so sexy when you tell people. You make me so heavenly horny Yn, but do not forget who decides Kitten.
(Wow is it hot in here WOW !!! Jumpskip)
When we got out we saw the Losers Clube again and I looked at them that they wanted to go there and fight with them I have to stop them somehow.
Henry: Let's go and fight a little with the Losers.
Patrick: Yaa.
Vic: Yaa.
Belch: Yaa.
Yn: Henry Please let them be they have done nothing.
Henry: Awww Shorty Are you afraid we'll hurt them? Come on Yn they are Losers why do you care.
Yn: And they are actually my friends and if they are Losers then I am also one. Okay, if we say this, if you leave them alone for three weeks, I promise to do all your homework for a whole month.
My brother, Belch and Vic looked at me and said okay then I turned around and looked at my boyfriend with puppy eyes that I know he can not resist.
Patrick: Will not work on me Baby.
He said to me and smiled okay he wants to play that game okay time to pull out the dirty card. No more miss please, I turned completely to him and started going against him very sexually. When I was in front of him, I stood on my toes because I had to be with a giant guy. Then I started sucking on his earlobe which I knew he was going crazy from then I whispered to him very sexually.
Yn: If you leave them alone, I'll let you have sex with me over and over until I can just shout out your name.
Patrick: Ohhh you Naughty Kitten.
He said to me and threw me over so that I dangled over his shoulder, then he slapped me on the ass, then he told Belch to go and start the car and drive us home to him.
Henry: Ewww.
Yn: Hi I could not think of anything else.
Henry looked at me and sighed then we started walking towards the car. Oh, I realized that the whole school could see me, but I'm so used to it, this is not the first time he's done this. And I do not really care what people say or think about our relationship. I love Patrick and Patrick loves me I am his queen and he is my king.
The end.
#wattpad#wattpadstories#wattpad story#my own words#patrick hockstetter#patrick hocksetter x reader#patrick hocksetter x fem reader#it x reader#it movie#pennywise#pennywise the dancing clown#horror#horror movies#halloween is a lifestyle#happy halloweeeeeeen#halloween
41 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
