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erinsintra · 8 months

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uquiz questions be like: "if you were made of paper, would you drink chocolate milk knowing it would dissolve you????" uquiz results be like: "You have repressed feelings and trust issues because of that one incident with the carpenter. Words come naturally to you, but making people understand them is almost impossible. The autumn leaves have lost their cheerful glow as the years rolled by. But it's okay. Tell your grandfather that the day has finally come."

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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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myrkulitescourge · 5 months

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the way that one line from the new epilogue in an astarion romance is going to HAUNT me

just. what a profoundly intense thing to confess to someone.

like, just these six months of newfound happiness with you exerts a force on his heart equal and in direct opposition to two centuries of endless torment, the gnawing hunger and exploitation. this flashbulb-bright fraction of his long life holds the same gravity to him as years upon years of darkness and suffering.

in all likelihood, he hasn’t even known his lover for as long as his worst memory lasted, that year sealed away to go mad from starvation and sensory deprivation, yet he still tells them this brief time has been so fundamentally and powerfully important that the weight of even that unimaginable hell is vanishingly small compared to this present he has now and the future ahead of them both.

how am i supposed to act normal about this.

#i need to lay down #just drop this in there right at the beginning why not!#that’s INTENSE. and completely sincere considering his demeanor at the party. god #he’s so… nice. in the romanced epilogue. i expected him to be a little smug and jokey #if tav told him the others weren’t doing so hot without the two of them around #but he takes it so genuinely and with visible disappointment?? literally shocked me #i thought he would say oh of course their lives have taken a turn without our impressive leadership lol!#and then redirect into something a little less flippant #but man. he just gets sad. astarion six months into a loving relationship is like a stray cat that instantly gets cuddly when you adopt it #dude went cotton candy marshmallow saccharine sweet in a HEARTBEAT #bless the others with your presence he says. i’ll always be here he says. we have forever after all he says.#head in my hands. how could they do this to me #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #astarion #bg3 epilogue spoilers #bg3 spoilers #baldur’s gate 3 spoilers #bg3

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pinkgibbon · 24 days

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anton chigurh goes to stardew valley

#every1 in the notes asking me why I made this 🙄 art isn’t about why! it’s about why not! why don’t you marry safe art if you love it so much #i got a better shirt for him eventually but i dont have a pic of it #roleplaying as him was the only way i was finally able to bring myself to do joja route #no country for old men #stardew valley #i like to think of him as being magically stuck there for an indeterminate amount of time and trying to survive w/o murdering the whole tow #anton chigurh #marnie stardew valley #i better not see ANY marnie slander!!!#how do u tag them #stardew valley marnie #sdv marnie #morris stardew valley #sdv morris #stardew valley morris #i was not gonna romance anyone obviously but i really enjoyed drawing that pic of him w morris so i got the marry morris mod and it is so #goddamn funny. just the idea of. anton chigurh x morris. me and friends r having the time of our life with it. i even made fanart.#which i may post later if i feel like it #my art #fanart #ncfom

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fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma · 7 months

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hey uncle what do i do when a pretty guy in a dress asks me abt my identity

(He found out)

#zukka #zuko x sokka #zukka fanart #atla #atla fanart #I love both Kyoshi warrior Sokka and blue spirit Zuko so #why not mush them together #also I just love doing the uniforms #so many lil patterns #but anyways i present:#them

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soldrawss · 1 year

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Huntlow doodle dump including 3 different aus so yeah enjoy

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nightthinker-08 · 6 months

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I couldn't sleep so I drew some Pomnies shes surprisingly fun to draw lol Oh and some doomed yuri too I guess xD buttonblossom is cute n all but calling them doomed yuri or digital yuri is a lot funnier to me

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0m3n-0f-d3ath · 1 month

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Sock eye salmon

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

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egophiliac · 9 months

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wait, hold on, I love them

#art #twisted wonderland #eyestrain #i don't know why i am SO into the twsties wearing these super basic t-shirts but for some reason i absolutely am #i take my little joys where i can get them okay #and i do love when they have to do a special ortho version of the Generic Outfit because he is canonically not allowed to wear clothing #looking forward to seeing his bloom gear!#(chanting) robot witch hat robot witch hat give me the robot witch hat

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fishing-lesbian-catgirl · 1 month

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When someone really cool that I’ve followed for a while follows me back I feel like I have to be more normal with my posting habits for a bit because I don’t want to scare them away, as if they were a nervous horse who might run away if I move too suddenly. But eventually I realize that it’s impossible for me to be normal forever so I just go back to being weird regular annoying me and cross my fingers that they stay

#sometimes it works #idk why I said horse. deer would’ve been a better thing probably. idk I’ve never actually seen a nervous horse up close #deers do that all the time though #at least I can stop myself from DMing them and being weird like ‘hiiii I love your art thank you for following me can we be friends?’

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blessedwithpolls · 1 year

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I love going on tumblr and being slapped in the face with some obscure meme that appears out of nowhere overnight, and then you don’t really learn what it means or where it comes from, and maybe you don’t fully understand it, but you just kinda have to play along

#like the boyfriend memes? i love them but what do they mean???#vanilla extract? what about vanilla extract?? but most importantly why is it so fucking funny???#the shrimp frying the rice?#excuse me GONCHAROV #likeeee??? you get what i’m saying??#tumblr memes #tumblr experience #boyfriend #boyfriend meme #shrimp #shrimp fried rice #goncharov #vanilla extract #eeby deeby #horse plinko #blorbo #live slug reaction #polls

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inkskinned · 11 months

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one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.

one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.

i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.

the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.

my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.

i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.

#writeblr #i was doing a lot with high school students. over and over again #other teachers kept asking me what i was doing differently - why the kids listened to me. i am not particularly foreboding #and i have a pretty firm personal policy of never reacting in anger #godhelpme.#i was always kind of taken aback #because in general the kids were pretty easy. i explained i needed to keep everything “PG-13” because this was my workplace #and it was kind of their workplace #too. besides #i love swearing #and since i couldn't swear #neither could they - so if they were going to say “fuck” or become violent #they needed to choose a really specific time #because we only get “the one”.. sure enough - nobody wanted to waste the one very specific “fuck” utterance. kids listened.#i think just because - that rule makes sense. the kids understand that i don't want to be unfair to them #that censorship is stupid #but that i'm under these rules too so like let's ride it out together #also i look young and tbh between me and u nobody wants to make the nice english teacher cry #the way these kids defended me to their friends was really genuinely so heartwarming bc the Grouchy Frat Boy #would be like MISS RAQUEL DOESN'T DESERVE THAT KIND OF AN ATTITUDE BRO DON'T TALK BACK TO HER

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ministarfruit · 3 months

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day 10: love is devotion ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

#minifemslashfeb2024 #ace attorney #junithena #athena cykes #juniper woods #melts into a puddle #junithena WARM junithena SOFT #junithena is so darling to me especially the version of it I made up in my head #ok I always write junie with imposter syndrome BUT #can we talk about how many skills this girl has. she can knit. she can sing. she can write. she can garden. she's smart #AND she's studying law to become a judge #I made her a painter for this too. because why not #god gave her health problems to nerf her. otherwise she would be too powerful #also athena short hair swag because I think she looks cute like that #do you ever think about the space and earth symbolism? no? just me?#is there something quite so intangible as falling in love with the stars #believing you will never reach them #when the stars are shining brightly to guide your way #they shine just for you...#mini be normal about junithena challenge: failed #'what are you talking about' shhh. shh.#you are safe now my sweet child

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sp0o0kylights · 10 months

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Indie horror filmmaker Eddie Munson, high off his first big (underground but notable) success, knows the movers and shakers of the film world have their eyes on him.

They're just waiting to see if he was a one hit wonder before they open all the doors he's been trying to kick down.

His next upcoming film is his chance, his shot at finally making it. Of being like Rob Zombie and the other creators he looks up to that masterfully blended metal and horror.

This is his golden ticket.

The project starts off smooth. His last success has greased the wheels, and things fall into place faster than ever before.

He's got the best idea for this insane haunted house story, a true "mazes in mazes" type of deal with a queer twist. A real look at how a place can haunt a person just as easily as a ghost can.

Everything's going swimmingly--until one of his leads drops out the day they're due to start shooting.

No call no show's, and later, Eddie will find out the guy got a last second call back to be a contestant on one of those Love Island bullshit romance gigs (and laugh his ass off when the main love interest takes one look at Billy Hargrove and goes on a five minute rant about ugly mullets on national television) but right now?

He's fucked.

He's called in every favor he has for this film. Maxed out every credit card he owns, tapped every contact, got on his hands and knees and begged his rising star journalist best bud to help him market it. (Which Nancy agreed too, for way less cash than she should have.)

Eddie can't get anyone on the phone, much less find a replacement actor and the amazing place they rented, that is so dark and wonderfully eerie, is booked out the rest of the year as an AirBnB.

If he doesn't film now, he loses it all.

Cue the other lead, unknown theater actor Steve Harrington, watching his hair pulling, tire kicking, 'cursing and hopping while holding a toe' mental breakdown and asks why Eddie himself doesn't act in it.

"Just go full Kevin Smith man. Act and direct." He says, with an easy grin.

Jeff, Eddie's tried and true videographer, trades glances with Gareth and Grant (Eddie's long used special effects and makeup team, who double for about twelve other jobs because they're also his best friends and they're all in this together, make or break.)

"We don't really have a lot of other options." Gareth hedges. "You're already using me and Grant as background characters."

Eddie, hands fluttering around his face as though trying to wave away this entire situation, squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a pained hiss.

"Fine, fine!" He announces with the air of a man running towards a fire. "Fuck it, this is our one shot and so help me I will be shooting it!"

Steve politely hides a laugh with a cough.

"Chuckle all you want big boy, I'm going to tragically romance you so hard people will forget both of our characters actually live." Eddie snarls.

Steve, the handsome bastard, just winks. "Looking forward to it."

Eddie blushes, but hides it with a surge of frantic energy, conveyed by lots of yelling and moving and getting the ball rolling.

Two days later, Steve would give the performance of a lifetime down on his knees, covered in a literal pound of fake gore, booty shorts and nothing else as he sobbed about how a lover could become a home. His hands clawed at Eddie's jeans before resting a tear stained face on a slim leg as he bent his body towards Eddie like it hurt to be away from him.

Eddie would later receive equal praise in his own acting during the scene, with the world and every reporter in it asking how he conveyed an otherworldly panic so beautifully throughout Steve's performance. What was he thinking, to evoke those expressions on his face?

The way his own pale hand, unmarred by blood and acting as a metaphor for the plot, would come to stroke Steve's cheeks.

Eventually he'd come up with a smooth polished answer that cheekily pleased his audience, but nothing would ever come close to the truth.

("Eddie I've known you since grade school." Jeff said that night, a scant few hours after they'd wrapped. "You can act man, but not like that."

Eddie made a wild "shut up" gesture, looking frantically over his shoulder before admitting; "You saw how close his face was to the prince of darkness!? I was seconds away from popping a boner next to his lips, in front of the 4K camera!”

Eddie bounced into Jeff’s face so he could hiss: “He fucking had his chin on my thigh, Jeff, and I am only a man. A mere mortal!"

"So we're gonna unpack all of that later." Jeff said finally, when he'd managed to get his mouth working and Eddie back out of his personal space. "But dude, we've talked about you calling your dick the prince of darkness."

Eddie flipped him off.)

One year later and critics named Corroded the best horror film of the year, praising the camera work, practical effects, and how there wasn't a soul alive who was surprised to hear Eddie and Steve were dating after their explosive on screen chemistry.

No one ever quite understood the prince of darkness jokes or why Steve mentioning it made Eddie blush, but that was a secret to find out later.

Today on WIP’s I have no intention of writing, indie horror movie AU!

#at some point this became a warmup for the warmup #and it feels very silly #LOL #steddie #Steve harrington #Eddie munson #horror movie AU #no upside down #eddie would have the STUPIDEST names for his dick #I will die on that hill #that is a man who has put googly eyes on his third leg #and then cried because they wouldn't come off #its why he loves steve bc steve would talk to it like a beloved pet #daddy misssess youuuu #corroded coffin as a unit hates them so much when they do this shit its the bane of their existance

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softbeanofexistentialcrisis · 1 year

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4/4 IN SUITS WHO CHEERED

#sleepy bois inc #tommyinnit #philza #Wilbur Soot #Technoblade #them. its them.#i love them so fucking much #also why are wilbur and techno doing the same hand thing #is this twinsduo crumb #sbi my beloved l

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somethingcorenotsure · 2 years

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I think it's so adorable that early humans took wild gourds - a tiny fruit that hollows out as it dries, making it float - and decided to make something out of it

they thought the tiny fruit was so good that they bred it for thousands of years, making it larger to form into bowls and cups, and different shapes to become bottles and spoons

and musical instruments

And then, people took the hollow gourds they farmed, and they turned them into houses for birds. We adapted them into the perfect houses for birds, and now there are specific breeds of birdhouse gourd just for making into birdhouses

And humans dedicated gardening space and time and thousands of years of breeding to make the gourds so absolutely perfect for birds, that there is a species of bird that lives almost exclusively in them

#yes I KNOW i posted about this the other day but *crying* i just love plant domestication and the history of agriculture #and humanity's positive affect on the ecosystems we live in #mine #image IDs in alt text #hmm. I'm gonna tag this #permaculture #just to pspsps @ that community to look at how cool gourds are please everyone grow birdhouse gourds and give cavity nesters places to live #i don't think mine will become fully ripe before i get my first frost :( next year i need to start gourds indoors #i didn't want to grow them before because i didn't have much garden space but now i do and i need to grow all of them #i might be. a little obsessed with gourds. but also i saw a pair of purple martins flying by the road last year #and i had never seen one before then! and i need to see more of them #i have a few hundred barn swallows but i need more birds flying around my house. more!!#and also i have a ton of invasive cavity nesting species around here. house sparrows and starlings.#gotta make up for those things competing with native birds for nest dites #*sites #the invasive birds very often win :/#that's why they're invasive #i really do need to start trapping them....

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