#and so im sitting here spiraling wondering what else there is left for me here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trash-writings · 3 years

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Stay

Ryuuguji Ken x GN!Reader

Who would have thought my first Tokyo Revengers fic would be angst? Not me!

This is inspired by the song Stay by Sugarland. Anyways, don’t read this if you don’t like pain! Like I’m not joking, this is not for the weak and I say that with all my love.

THIS IS UNEDITED PLS ITS 2 AM BE NICE IM ALREADY CRYING THINKING OF THIS

Tagging: @spicysoftsweet, @twkhoosha, @anxiousbabybirdb and @rythlynn (bc b said you liked angst)

Warnings: angst, manga spoilers

Word count: 1330

No matter how hard you tried to not live in the shadow of a ghost, it was damn near impossible. You hated the way you felt. It was disgusting to feel so angry with him. She was so young, never even having a chance to get to know him the way you have. How can you be jealous of that? How can you possibly feel the lingering effects of a girl long gone?

You get all the good parts of him: the soft touches, the warm kisses, and the late nights laying on his chest while listening to his heartbeat.

She’d never get that, and yet here you are desperately clinging onto the shred of dignity you have while watching him get dressed. His back is littered with old scars and a few new ones that seem to have barely just healed. The bed dips when he sits on the end, rebraiding his hair.

“Ken,” your voice sounds outside of your body, no longer resembling yourself.

“Hmm?” He hums, his eyes peeking over.

“You could stay with me tonight, it’s late.” Stupid, you’re so stupid. There’s never been a time this has worked, and never will be.

“I can’t.” He kisses your forehead as he stands, grabbing his black and white cardigan. “I’ll text you later, yeah?”

“That’s fine,” the lie comes out as smooth as room temperature butter across warm toast. It’s not fine, and never will be. But, what else can you say? You lay down, enveloping yourself into the covers.

It shouldn’t hurt anymore, not after everything else. You can’t even admit to your friends you still see him as often as possible, too afraid of the way they’d look at you with their eyes full of pity. No matter how many ‘you deserve better’ and ‘just block him’ you hear from them, it’s in one ear out the other. The only thing you have left to keep company is your quiet apartment and the fading mental image you have of the pretty blonde girl who haunts you every waking moment.

He smells faintly like blood, the sweat masking any other scent he might be emanating. The bags under his eyes make you wonder if he’s slept since the last time you saw him, barely able to stand in your doorway, falling into your arms as he steps inside.

“What the fuck happened,” you ask, nearly crumbling under his weight.

“Nothing, I just... “ he sighs, and you manage to get him to your couch. He slumps on it, and you notice the trail of blood from his nose to his chin, only interrupted by his puffy lips. “Your place was closer.”

“Ken,” you kneel down in front of him and the couch, “please, talk to me.”

He shakes his head, smiling at you as you tilt his chin up. “Don’t want to worry you more than I already have. I’m sorry for showing up unannounced.”

“Don’t be, I’m happy you’re here.” You kiss his lips, and he winces. He doesn’t pull away, instead, he leans into you, again nearly toppling over. “Okay, let’s get you clean, and then you’re sleeping here. No more fucking arguing about it, okay?”

He chuckles, muttering something to himself. You faintly hear him say the word ‘her’.

You stop in your tracks, biting hard on your bottom lip. “What was that?” You manage to keep your voice from cracking.

“Nothing, just thank you -----,” he tells you.

You know it’s not nothing.

He compared you to Emma again.

You let yourself collapse against the sink in the bathroom, far from Draken’s view. You’ve never let him know how you feel about this, and you weren’t going to start now. You’ve let this go on far too long to mention how a girl whose death destroyed him makes you feel two inches tall when you’re with him. The mere mention of her name or whisper of memory can send you spiraling.

You’ll never be here, no matter how hard you try to be what he needs.

“Can you make it to the tub?” You ask, softly running your fingers across his shoulders. “I don’t think I can carry you.”

“Yeah, I got it.” He stands, wobbling slightly before taking a few steps.

You place your hand on his back, slipping under one arm to help him the best you can. Undressing him is easy, his clothes already barely hanging on by threads. Whatever happened tonight, you’re sure you didn’t want to know. Helping him into the tub is easy, he basically collapses mumbling a few sorries as the water splashes onto the floor and your legs.

Without speaking, you help him wash off. He lays back against the cool tile, not speaking a word. His eyes can’t stay open, fluttering shut then he jerks them open as he’s about to doze off. You wash his body, making sure to get every speck of dirt and bloodstain off his soft skin.

“Can you sit up so I can get your back?” Your voice is soft like you’d done this a million times.

Actually, you’ve never done this with anyone. Never even sharing a shower with someone. This is the most intimate thing you’ve experienced with him, despite the numerous times you’ve let him in your bed. As you wash the remainder of his body and his hair, you wonder if he’s thinking something similar. Does he think about you beyond the hookups?

“I forgot to grab a towel, give me a second.” You run off to your bedroom, reaching in your closet to find one, and then running back to give it to Draken.

“Thank you, so much.” He kisses your forehead before wrapping it around his waist, leaving you alone in the bathroom.

You sit on the edge of the tub, your head in your hands, forehead still burning with the lingering effects of his lips. Your grapple with the contradicting emotions and thoughts running through your mind. It doesn’t mean anything, he always kisses your forehead.

However, tonight might be different. It might mean something more.

You’d be stupid to think it means anything more.

You’d be naive to think he just randomly showed up at your place because it was closer. It was out of convenience, not necessity.

“Hey, do you have any food?” His voice brings you back to reality.

“Yeah,” you laugh, draining the tub and then drying your hands. “Just get in bed, I’ll bring you some pizza. I’m not heating it up though, just deal with it.” He laughs, the warm tone of it making your heart melt.

You look over as he speaks again, “that’s fine.”

When you hand him the plate, he smiles before digging in. He eats it ridiculously dast, and you worry he’ll choke and you’ll be left trying to remember the CPR you took in high school far too long ago. He doesn’t luckily. You take the plate and he lays back on your bed, and you join him soon after. He lets you lie your head on his chest, wrapping his arm around you.

“You’re welcome here anytime, you know that right?” You tell him after several minutes of silence.

His fingertips lazily draw circles on your skin. “I know.”

He sounds exhausted, his words barely a whisper. You’re not sure he’s even awake at this point.

“I love you, Ken,” you can’t stop yourself.

Stupid, so fucking stupid. Why would you say that? You know he won’t say it back, or even worse he could just-

“I love you too, Emma.”

-he could do that.

#tokyo revengers angst #tokyo revengers x reader #gn reader #draken #draken x reader #ken ryuuguji x reader #ken ryuuguji

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dripkingpetey · 3 years

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3 times you thought of each other after the breakup+the 1 time you realized you were the one for each other-b.boeser

a/n:hey! this is my first time writing in months so I really hope you enjoy it! its just a little 3+1 I put together last night so it might not be the best :) im trying to get back into writing again (I said that last time too lol) also this was supposed to be angsty but idk what it turned into haha

The first time

“Yeah uh, I’ll just grab these and go.” Brock mumbled to himself as he walked into your apartment, scared to make eye contact with you, let alone talking to you. And your heart ached, partly because you still loved him, and partly because you couldn’t believe what Brock had done to you.

Brock gathered his things and headed for the door wanting to hear you talk for one last time. “Y/n, I’m really so-” Brock tried to say before you shut the door in his face, you couldn’t handle it anymore. After you shut the door you practically broke down into tears, sliding down the door with your back against it.

Brock still walking your apartment brought back all of the fun memories, well all of the fun memories before you found out about his little fling he was having with a girl back home, in Minnesota. It had happened during the off-season, you had originally gone with Brock but had to return to Vancouver early due to your job. If Jake didn’t get drunk one night and slip out the secret you never would’ve known. But part of you almost didn’t want to know, part of you wondered what would’ve happened if you never found out, would you and Brock still be together? Or would he cheat on you again with someone else?

On the other side of the door, Brock was also breaking down into tears, trying to hold them back till he got into his car, that’s when he let it all go. Yelling at himself about being so stupid to let it happen, to let you go like that. Brock didn’t say it but he was still in love with you, so in love that he’s acting insane, sitting in his car as he sniffed the hoodies he left for you, they all smelt like you, everything did.

The second time

Things with you and Jake stayed the same, you and him had always been the closest out of all of Brocks teammates and honestly, he was the only one to reached out genuinely. And tonight he just so happened to ask you to go out for drinks, he knew the team was going on a long road trip next week and had to catch up with you before he left. Usually you would be dreading for the Canucks to go on a road trip since Brock would be gone, but this time? You were happy, happy that there was no chance of you running into Brock randomly.

“Hey you probably don’t wanna hear this but Brock was talking about you non-stop today.” Jake mumbled with a frown, you sighed and gave him a look, telling Jake to tell you what Brock said immediately. “He said his mom asked about you, and then it just turned into a spiral of Brock rambling about how stupid he was and that he misses you.” “I miss him too, so much. I don’t know if I could ever talk to him again, he really broke me.” You mumbled, looking down and fidgeting with the straw of your drink.

The conversation died down, the both of you taking a minute to think about Brock and yours relationship when your guys’ song came on. Somehow the lyrics hurt this time, it was no longer happy and joyful for you to listen to it. Instead it was dreadful, waiting for the song to finish before you couldn’t take it anymore and asked if you could end the night early.

Jake gave you a nice, tight hug before the two of you had to go separate ways. “Hey, I’m always here, just shoot me a text or call me if you need someone. I love you.” Jake mumbled into the top of your head as you nodded. “Thank you, I love you too Virtanen.” You smiled at him before heading back to your apartment.

The third time

Brock walked through the door and watch greeted by his dogs, smiling and chuckling as he pet them before heading to the kitchen, which was always where you where if Brock came home after a road trip or practice around dinner time. Except for, this time you weren’t, you were sitting in your bed in your apartment crying. About how you shouldn’t have let Brock go, even though you were the one who ended things with him.

Brock sighed, tossing his phone on the counter before looking in the fridge for something to eat. Which, there was nothing. Brock didn’t realize till now how much he depended on you, it wasn’t like he couldn’t do all of those things on his own. He just didn’t have time, he never had time to take care of himself. You were always there for him though, there to help him out so he could be focusing on hockey.

Brock pulled up your contact in his phone and went to go text it, writing sentences over and over again after deleting them. He couldn’t bring himself to text you, he knew what he did was wrong but he also wanted you back, just as bad as you did. And you? You were doing the same thing, wishing you were in his arms, happy instead of crying, with him instead of being lonely. You were about to text Jake about everything when you saw the little text bubble next to Brocks name, at first you thought it was a glitch so you refreshed the app, but the you went back it was still there, you sighed and took a screenshot, sending it to Jake before you could even process what was happening. “Does he miss me too?” You mumbled to yourself out loud before trying to forget about it.

The one time you realized you were the one for each other

You don’t know how but you found yourself at the park that you and Brock used to always bring his dog to for late night walks, so many memories were made there. But now, they’re just killing you. You sat down on a bench, taking in everything before you noticed a dog right next to you, jumping on you to get your attention. It was Coolie.

“Hey.” You grinned as you pet Coolie and he licked you face over and over again. It wasn’t long before the panic settled in, that you were gonna have to face Brock and that he wasn’t definitely somewhere near.

“I’m so sorry, Coolie come here.” Brock didn’t even notice it was you until he grabbed Coolies harness and took him off of you. “It’s okay.” You smiled at him. Brock was shocked, shocked that you were here and that you were smiling at him, you motioned for him to sit down next to you and you scooted over right against him, laying your head on his chest.

“It’s like the first time we met.” You said quietly. “I was sitting here and Coolie ran over to me, he was just a puppy at the time.” You looked up and smiled at Brock, who was still confused at what was going on but went along with it cause he missed you, way too much.

“Yeah,” He paused his sentence with a chuckle before finishing it. “Holy fuck I missed you, everything about you.” Brock kissed the top of your head, the same familiar feeling was there, you didn’t know how to describe it but you felt like you were home, Brock was your home. “I missed you even more.”

“I’m sorry for what I did, I don't know what I was thinking.” You heard him mumble quietly.

You sat up straight and cupped Brocks cheek with you hand and the both of you smiled at each other. “It’s okay Brock, just please don’t do it again.” He smiled and nodded at your words, knowing you had truly forgiven him. “I promise.” He whispered. “Promise me something else,” You said quietly. “Anything, as long as you’re back in my life.”

“Never leave me again, ever.” Brock responded with a nod before pulling you in for a kiss, his lips were softer than you remembered. For the past month you had been fantasizing about this and it actually happened.

“Never, it’s always going to be you.” Brock whispered.

#brock boeser #brock boeser imagine #Brock Boeser fic #brock boeser x reader #vancouver canucks #vancouver canucks imagine #vancouver canucks x reader #canucks #nhl fic #fanfic #hockey fic

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amandawritez · 4 years

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Mistake

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Word count: 2806

Warnings: fighting (kind of), cursing, mentions of abuse. This is angsty as hell I apologize in advance but there is fluff at the end if you squint

Summary: When JJ starts spiraling and putting his friends in danger you have to give him an ultimatum

Your hands were shaking as JJ pulled up to Barry’s house, and everyone sat in confusion as JJ got out of the van and began to storm inside. You could hear their voices as they spoke but you were so shook up over what just happened that everything being said was going straight over your head.

“Someone should probably go talk to him.” you heard Kie say and everyone’s heads turned to face you but you continued to stare blankly at the floor of the van unable to move, you felt like your body was glued to the seat.

“Yeah, I got it.” John B stated once he realized that you weren't getting up.

It was silent in the van and the only noise to be heard was the shuffling inside from JJ ransacking the house and John B attempting to calm him down. After a few minutes you shakily stood up and began to walk towards the house, figuring John B wasn’t really going to able to calm JJ down, usually when JJ spiraled like this you were the only one he would listen to. Just the sound of your voice could snap him out of his fit.

You stood on the porch thinking for a moment until JJ stepped outside and saw you. He froze for a second and you looked at the bag in his hand.

“JJ what's that.” your voice was so little that you thought maybe he hadn’t heard you.

“It’s revenge, they mess with us and we get even.” He stated calmly. He began to walk past you but you stepped infront of him blocking his path causing him to huff in annoyance knowing you were going to try and talk him out of it.

“JJ you can’t just steal from a drug dealer this isn’t a joke, he's dangerous and now you're putting everyone else in danger too, not just yourself.” you said.

“(Y/n) he stole the gold from us, he pointed a fucking gun at you and we’re just supposed to let him get away with it? Aren’t you tired of being walked on?” he asked now looking you dead in the eyes.

“JJ that's not the point, the point is you can’t keep doing shit like this. You’re spiraling and you’re gonna get other people hurt.” you began to get angrier raising your voice slightly. JJ just rolled his eyes and stepped around you walking off the porch and completely ignoring your rant.

“Alright, so we’re looking at five grand each for reparations for putting us through that bullshit.” He said as he stepped into the yard. John B walked outside and down the steps but you continued to stand on the porch feet glued to the ground and arms crossed staring straight ahead. You listened as the group all at once began to questions JJ’s actions, telling him this isn’t a good idea and you could tell he was getting angrier as everyone reprimanded him. You heard some commotion and turned around to see JJ shoving John B against the van.

You joined the others in the yard and watched as JJ stepped into the van and sit down as if waiting for the others to join him so they could leave. Once he realized no one was going with him if he was going to steal the money he huffed and stepped out of the van. You listened as the group told JJ that they were tired of his reckless shit and that he needed to stop. When JJ announced that he was just going to go by himself if no one wanted the money your eyes began to well up with tears, threatening to spill at any moment.

When he started walking away Pope began to go after him but John B stopped him and Sarah said to just let him go, but you didn’t want to just let him go you knew he needed a wake up call.

“JJ.” you spoke quietly but you knew he heard you because he stopped walking but continued to stare forward refusing to turn around and look at you. “If you take that money we’re done.” You spoke a bit louder now making sure he heard you and hoping he would turn around and change his mind.

But he didn’t. Instead he stared forward for a moment and then said one word, “Fine.” He didn’t bother turning around because he knew looking at you would break him so instead he continued marching forward leaving everyone behind. As silent tears rolled down your face Sarah Pulled you into a hug and Kie joined her a moment later.

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Later that night you sat alone in your room staring aimlessly at the ceiling thinking about the events of the day. After JJ left John B dropped everyone off at their homes, Kie offered to stay with you since she knew you were upset but you insisted on wanting to be alone. You showered and ate silently, you felt dull you couldn’t believe that JJ would do that, that he would just give up on your relationship at the drop of a pin. Your attempts to not cry failed as you pulled your legs up to your chest and decided to just let the tears flow as you dropped your head down and rested your forehead on the tops of your knees. You were broken from your thoughts as you heard a light knock on your door, you quickly wiped your tears and figured it was just your younger sister asking to borrow clothes or something. “Come in.” you said and your voice cracked slightly. The door opened and it was Pope and Kie asking to come in, you nodded and they stepped in the room quietly shutting the door behind them.

Kie sat next to you and Pope on the end of your bed. “Are you okay?” Pope asked and Kie glared at him, her face asking why the fuck he would say that.

“I’m fine, I’m good.” You said quietly and gave a weak smile in an attempt to make it believable but they both knew you were lying. Kie pulled you into a hug and rubbed the top of your head causing your eyes to water again so you pulled away not wanting to cry.

“So, what's up.” you asked plainly and Pope and Kie exchanged looks as if wondering if they should tell you something.

“We were uh gonna go see JJ, see if we could talk some sense into him and make sure he’s okay after earlier but we wanted to check on you first ya know make sure you were okay too, and see if maybe you would come talk to him too? If not its okay we totally get it I mean you guys got into it pretty bad today, er sorry I shouldn't have said that, I mean I know you guys broke up and all but um-” Kie lightly slapped Popes arm and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Pope are you dumb you can’t say shit like that she's still sad.” You laughed lightly at the interaction, Pope wasn’t the best with words when someone was upset.

“I’m right here, and I’m fine guys really. JJ made his decision and if he was willing to throw away our whole relationship that easily then it wasn’t meant to be.” your voice got quiet at the end, you knew you didn't mean what you were saying but you had to at least try. Kie shook her head and said

“No (y/n) you know that's not true, JJ loves you so much you know he was just upset he made a mistake I’m sure he's a wreck right now trying to figure out how to fix things, you know he loves you.” and Pope nodded in agreement. You wanted to argue but you knew she was right, but you just weren’t ready to see him yet.

“I don’t know, I just don’t think I’m ready to go over there and forgive him yet plus I tried to talk sense into him earlier and we all saw how that went.” Kie looked at you sadly and Pope looked like he was practically begging you to come because he knew they wouldn't be able to help JJ like you could.

You thought about it for a moment and decided that maybe you should go talk to JJ, the longer you waited could make things worse. “Fine, I’ll go.” Kie jumped off the bed and clasped her hands together excitedly, Pope stood up too ready to go, “But,” you said and Kie dropped her hands and her face fell from its smile. “You guys have to go in first, go talk to him and is he's still acting like he was earlier then I’m not going in, I don't need to get hurt all over again because JJ is still being a dick. If you think he's fine and he will want to talk to me then I’ll come in after.” You said and Kie groaned but nodded and said that was understandable.

As the truck pulled up you were beyond nervous, your hands began to shake again and your breathing started gettin heavier. “Hey, its gonna be fine,” Kie stated placing her hand on your knee reassuringly “I promise we’re gonna get in there and JJ is gonna be back to his usual self, I’m sure he realized he's made a mistake.” Pope and Kie got our of the truck talking about the plan to get the gold out of the well when all of the sudden the sound of a generator whirring to life was heard and the entire backyard suddenly lit up. You looked at Pope and Kie wondering if maybe they had knew about this and it was set up but they looked just as confused as you did. They said that they were gonna go check it out and that one of them would come back to get you after they talked to JJ.

You sat alone on the tailgate of the truck wondering what was taking so long, maybe JJ was doing something stupid again. You scoffed and rolled your eyes imagining what JJ could have done now, and your curiosity got the best of you so you decided to just go find out for yourself, you were tired of waiting. As you walked in the backyard you could see lights hung up everywhere and as you rounded the corner to see what was going on you froze in your tracks. The sight infant of you was enough to make your jaw drop slightly and your legs feel like jelly underneath you, it felt like someone had punched you in the chest. JJ stood in the middle of a hot tub, Champagne glasses floating around the water and a champagne bottle in his hand. But it wasn’t the hot tub or the lights or even the generator that shocked you, it was JJ, more like what happened to JJ. His chest and face were littered with Dark purple bruises, bigger ones on his stomach, and his lip was split open. Who could have done this to him.

“JJ.” you finally spoke up, all three of their heads turned to you, Pope and Kie’s worrisome expressions and JJ’s drunken smile.

“(Y/n) im so glad you could make it, come on get in it feels great! Oh get this, I named her the Cat’s ass how funny is that.” JJ laughed at himself and waved his hand in a come here motion.

“JJ w-what happened to you, who did this to you.” you asked, your voice cracked and you knew you were going to cry for the hundredth time today. You slowly stepped forward and began walking up to the hot tub. “JJ..” you said lightly you looked his bruises again, one silent tear fell down your face.

“No stop being emotional, it’s fine okay-” his voice began cracking and you could tell he was about to cry so you walked up and stepped over the ledge to get in, not caring about your shoes or clothes because right now they didn’t matter, JJ was the most important thing. You wrapped your arms around JJ as he began to break down, and you petted his head lightly as he sobbed “I can't take him anymore.” He cried and pulled your body tightly into his as if he let go you might disappear into thin air. you rubbed his back and felt Kie and Pope stepping into the hot tub too and wrapping their arms around both of you. You whispered in JJ’s ear attempting to calm him down and slowly his sobs became less heavy and his breathing began to even out, he knew he was safe here with his real family.

You all pulled away after a few minutes and you took the champagne bottle out of JJ’s hand and set it on the edge of the hot tub, slipping your hand into his you began to pull him out of the hot tub “Come on bub, lets get you inside and cleaned up we can take a shower and I'll cook you something.” you said and he nodded slightly following you out. Pope and Kie got out too and knew that it was best to let you handle this, Kie saying she would call you later.

After taking JJ inside you suggested that he showered and you’d cook some Mac and cheese for him, he silently nodded, too scared to talk worried that his voice may betray him and cause him to cry again. After his shower you two ate in silence, you had no idea what to say you just knew you needed to be there for him. You finally spoke up when he was finished eating, “JJ, can I clean you up? I-I have some stuff I can put on your cut and bruises that will help them to heal better.” You stood next to him and held out your hand which he gladly took and let you lead him to the bathroom.

He sat on the counter while you got out the cream for him and tended to his bruises. You were so gentle with him terrified that if you touched him the wrong way he might just break, as if he was made glass. You weren’t sure if he was going to speak at all until he finally broke the silence, “I'm sorry” he said and you looked up at him confused

“Why are you apologizing you did nothing wrong.”

“I’m sorry for earlier at Barry’s I was being reckless and I hurt you, I’m so sorry I walked away i-it was mistake.” he stumbled over his words, scared that he may cry more. You finished up cleaning him and stood up so you were face to face with him now.

“JJ it’s okay I understand I’m sorry I even gave you an ultimatum, it was selfish and horrible.”

“No you did the right thing, you don't want to be with a guy like me, I don’t deserve you. I’m reckless and immature and I’m such a piece of shit.. my dad was right.” He began to cry and you placed your hands on the side of his face lifting it so he had to look at you.

“JJ , no baby you're not a piece of shit you're the best thing that’s every happened to me, nothing your dad ever says about you is true, you are kind and passionate, and I love you, okay, we all love you JJ please don’t ever think you are any of those things your dad said.” You wrapped your arms around him and carefully pulled him into a hug not wanting to hurt him and he held onto you tightly crying into your shoulder.

He finally pulled away and wiped his eyes, “So you’re not breaking up with me.” He asked quietly, terrified that you might say yes.

“No baby I’m not breaking up with you I would never do that, okay I love you so much and I’m so sorry for saying that earlier.” he was so glad to hear that and he put his hands on the side of your face and pulled you in for a soft kiss, being careful not to hurt his lip. You pulled away and wrapped your arms around his waist and placed your head on his chest listening to his heart beat, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and rested his chin in your head. And you guys sat like that for a while, while JJ thought about how much he loved you and he knew that you were the best thing that had ever happened to him too.

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A/N: someone get the tissues I am EMO rn. I’m so sorry that was so long and honestly angsty as hell :( but I hope you liked it my inbox is open so send me shiz :)

#jj maybank #obx jj #obx #jj x reader #jj x y/n #outer banks imagine #outer banks #outer banks jj #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fic #jj maybank fluff #jj obx #jj maybank imagine

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iceeckos12 · 4 years

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tma fic recs

I’ve seen a couple of fic rec posts floating around. since ive been reading so many excellent fic recently, i thought that id make one as well! please note this list is going to be 99% jonmartin. also buckle up, because this is going to get long.

Completed

the umbrella by Wildehack (tyleet)

"And to think—all of Jonah Magnus’ carefully laid plans, the centuries of scheming, the murders, the sacrifices, all of that work could have been completely undone if Martin Blackwood had gone back for an umbrella" - holdthosebees

Notes: This is probably my go-to fic if i want an apocalypse never happened scenario. The jonmartin is wonderful, as is the h/c.

Diary and Prenon-nous la main by luftballoons99

Diary summary:

Not for the first time since they ran away together, a camera reel of all the things they don't know about one another whirs behind Martin's eyes, and he can't help but look at all the sprawling magnetic tape and wonder if they’re going to wind up a romance or a tragedy.

or: Office parties, garage bands, and the joy of being known.

Prenon-nous la main summary:

They still haven't talked about it, any of it, not even to pass the time on the long train ride to Scotland. Instead, Martin fell asleep in the seat next to him, pressed into his side from shoulder to knee, and Jon thought about love confessions and verb tense and how the two fit together when you think you're dying.

or: Good cows, mediocre poetry, and other crucial topics of discussion.

Notes: Do you love impeccable safehouse jonmartin characterization? do you love characters grappling with the mortifying ordeal of being known? do you love softness so tender that it makes you want to weep? please read these fic. im begging you.

i’ll tell you about all the times i’ve smiled because of you by cryptidkidprem

Summary:

Martin thinks about their shoes, sitting beside each other on the floor by the bed. Thinks of the way Jon wears Martin’s cardigans more often than he wears his own, the way Martin’s started keeping elastics around his wrist because Jon always forgets his own when they go out.

He thinks about all the gentle touches and fussing over each other they’ve done, and how much is still to come over the next… however long Jon will have him.

They have a long way to go, an entire life to build out of the wreckage Jonah Magnus and Peter Lukas left them, but laying together in a comfortable, sleepy quiet, Martin thinks they’ve got a good start going.

Or, Jon quits the Institute, saves the world, and it turns out to be exactly what he needs in order to heal and start moving forward towards building a life with Martin.

Notes: how many times have i reread this fic? more than i can count. jon quits the institute and it’s just full of soft jonmartins. they get married! god i love them.

go softly by doomcountry

Summary:

And there is nothing else besides this.

Notes: every time i remember this fic i reread it. please heed the tags because martin is blinding jon, but he’s like. blinding jon in the most heartbreaking way possible. idk how the author made this so tender but i know i was certainly crying so!

The Reverb in These Holy Halls by Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth)

Summary:

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

Notes: Do you like time travel fixits? i sure like time travel fixits. reverb is an excellent one. heavy on the h/c, I wanted to hug jon so so badly.

Yesterday is Here by CirrusGrey

Summary:

"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking. The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him. "I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. -------- Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.

Notes: Yet another time travel fixit! also excellent. the teasing was HYSTERICAL. also Im just going to say this now - CirrusGrey in general writes incredible tma fic. You can’t really go wrong.

unassigned supplementals by bibliocratic

Notes: I won’t put in a summary just because it’s a long series of oneshots, but bibliocratic’s writing is amazing. Again, you can’t really go wrong with one of their fic!

let the soft animal of your body by autoclaves

Summary:

Standing in the warm kitchen, slats of sepia light filtering through onto the counter in front of him, Martin doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He half expects them to go through the countertop entirely, glossy and solid as it is. He isn’t used to any of it, yet. The safehouse. Jon. Beams of sun pouring into his hands. After being deprived of everything of significance for so long, the longing that crashes over him is almost painful in its tangibility. He wants to laugh, to sob, to scream and hear it echoed back against the neat, square walls of the safehouse.

In the end, he doesn’t do any of these things. He makes eggs instead. He can do that, can’t he? Use his hands for something simple and plain and good.

(Or: In the safehouse after it all, Martin starts cooking.)

Notes: this fic really speaks to me a) because i project on martin like crazy and b) because food is also my love language. this fic is incredibly soft and it’s all about cooking!

“Have you tried turning it on and off again?” by shinyopals

Summary:

I hope you find your new role as Head of the Institute as rewarding as captaining the Tundra, wrote Elias Bouchard, to Peter Lukas. There are so many people working there: all with their own interesting lives, and all desiring your attention and support. I'm sure you will relish the challenge it will bring and enjoy every moment spent with the fine men and women of the Institute. In time I'm confident they'll become like a family to you.

The Magnus Institute has a new boss. The Magnus Institute also has a new tech support technician. These two facts are unrelated, except they both happen at the same time.

Meanwhile Jon's woken up from being dead for six months and for once he's trying his best. He just wishes Martin would stop avoiding him and answer his messages...

Notes: if you’re looking for a good laugh, this fic is SO SO SO FUNNY. i was dying. basically the magnus institute being an absolute bureaucratic nightmare.

hello my old heart by firebirdsuite

Summary:

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

Notes: it’s all about the yearning. and trust me, the yearning in this fic? im just. i sure do love jonmartin, and this is such soft, loving jonmartin it just makes you want to cry

two ships passing by pyrites

Summary:

Gerard Keay is 10 years old the very first time he tries to run away from home, right around the time that Jonathan Sims has just come into possession of his first Leitner.

Or: One dropped stone can change the way the whole ocean moves.

Notes: again, JONGERRY. MY GOODNESS. this fic is beautiful, the writing is absolutely breathtaking and it owns my heart. im so in love with it. the author said you’re going to have emotions about jon and gerry and jongerry and i said OKAY

Terminal Sight by viv_is_spooky

Summary:

Spider silk weaves through the visions of two Seers. Monstrosity is dawning on them both.

Notes: I’d never read a gerryoliver fic before this, but the execution is EXCELLENT and now im sold on the ship forever. This fic has wonderful prose and great characterization and i love it a whole lot.

Incomplete

assistant archivist au by PitViperOfDoom

Notes: I won’t put a summary since I’m reccing an entire series, but. it is absolutely no secret that i adore jongerry. pit’s assistant archivist au slapped me over the head with some gorgeous jongerry oneshots and then gave me the gift of the main fic (which is still in progress) about head archivist martin. i love this au so so much

dustsceawung by callmearcturus

Summary:

Martin had always been favored by the summer courts, and moving up north to the little village of Lacuna is a difficult adjustment. It's rainy and lonely and everyone seems to have a strange, distant relationship with the local faerie court.

However: there is a strange man in a cloak who walks past Martin's remote little cottage every few days.

However: there is a moth that keeps getting stuck in Martin's house during the rain.

These events are not as disconnected as they first appear.

Notes: you ever just read a fic that you didn’t know that you needed until after you read it? yeah. featuring the fae and moth jon and excellent characterization.

Illicio by ThatOneGirlBehindYou

As the new Archivist debates between life and death, the Eye ponders on what to offer him in order to avoid an encore of the unfortunate situation with his predecessor.

-----

Gerard Keay opens his eyes at what feels like fuck-ass in the morning, inside a room with far too little space and far too much dust.

Notes: This is also the moment where I reveal that im a sucker for jongerrymartin. please read this fic. gerry is brought back from the dead in s4 and everyone is far better off for it.

where there’s a will, we make a way by bubonickitten

Summary:

"So, what does happen if an Eye learns to See within itself?

What happens is this: the Archive Beholds the Watcher – and the Watcher blinks first."

________________________

Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Notes: this time travel fixit is shaping up to be an absolutely incredible read. i love the way this author writes jon so so much, and the characterization is spot on. this whole fic just satisfies some little part of me. god. also!! bubonickitten’s writing in general? beautiful. please check out their other works.

The Timeline of Theseus by Applea

Jon tries to force the Spiral to send him back, but the Sprial's corridors never twist things quite the way you want them to. Back in 1996, Elias has no idea why or how the Eye made such a powerful Avatar out of an 8 year old, especially when said 8 year old doesn't actually know he has any powers at all. Clearly such a child cannot be left outside the Institute's care.

Notes: This fic is legitimately brilliant. The author manages to capture the big ADHD mood and the precociousness of baby Jon while managing to write a wonderful storyline. Time travel! Elderly lesbians! A Jonah who is wildly in over his head but was walloped over the head with paternal instinct! Baby Gerry! What more could you possibly ask for?

rooms full of people who do not love each other yet by seaer

Summary:

“Wanted to ask about a book.” The boy has his hand on the counter, and he leans into it, nonchalant. The library is air-conditioned, but by no means frigid, and Jon can’t help but feel sweaty just looking at the layers he’s wearing; what looks like old leather over an olive-green Magnus pullover over his school shirt. “Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Jon says, tetchily, “We’re about to close.”

“I know. Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Notes: I am so in love with this author’s writing style and the way they write the characters!! The jon and gerry friendship is PERFECT and the character interactions are all darling.

if you read these fics please send the authors some love, they definitely deserve it!!

#tma #fic recs #ill update this as i read #seriously some very very good stuff on here #long post

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livingmybestfictionallife · 4 years

Text

As If Nothing Happened

Summary: Colson and the reader have been in each others’ lives since before middle school, secretly dated for two years, and suddenly vanished from one another. Years later, they accidentally reconnect and the pair share what has been on their minds since their falling out.

The smell of liquor mixed with cheap cigarettes filled the air as (Y/N) watched the digital ball spiral around the board before her once more. All around were people--moving, talking, leaning against walls, pacing hurriedly past her, sitting too close, slurring their words, laughing with friends...living. Of the years (Y/N) had been coming to Las Vegas as a sort of annual tradition, she never came to gamble; she came to see the people, because even it's for the smallest of moments, on October 23rd, she needed to be distracted from her own life.

For nine years on October 22nd and 23rd, (Y/N) would make the trip to Vegas on her own, sit in casinos alone, play roulette, and think about the countless possible outcomes her life could have taken if only she could have changed something that happened ten years ago. So far, this year was much like every other: people continued living around her while a part of herself died over and over each year she came to this forsaken city of sin.

Absentmindedly, she placed a small bet on red-even, and sighed as she watched the digital ball spin around yet again. How many times? she thought to herself as her eyes trailed the ball. How many times will I come here? How many times can I stand to watch this ball go round and round throughout the years? The agony over her regret wasn't something she felt she could ever let go of despite how desperately she knew she needed to. Just as the ball earned her an extra two dollars of wealth, (Y/N) noticed a woman wearing next to nothing walk up to her and place a drink beside her arm without making eye contact. The icy green liquid surrounded a bright red maraschino cherry, and she wondered why her favorite drink was sitting before her. If she ever decided to drink on one of her Vegas trips, it was normally a sad drink like wine. It's not uncommon for people to turn their sorrows into vices, but she didn't want to ever be the woman crying over a vodka cranberry or a piña colada. If she let a tear slide over a Riesling, blush, or merlot, that was a different story. In this case, she didn't want to ruin the pleasant memories she had while drinking apple martinis with the sorrow she had in her heart that seemed to grow exponentially on these two days of the years.

"Excuse me," she called out just before the woman was too far away to regain her attention. "I didn't order this," (Y/N) explained once her eyes met those of the waitress.

"From the man at the bar," was the only response (Y/N) received before the woman sauntered away to attend to another patron. That sums it up, she thought to herself, as if there's not about fifty men at the bar. It wasn't that (Y/N) was interested in seeing who had bought her a drink, or even taking in the appearances of the men gathered at the bar not far behind her, rather the curiosity as to how someone happened to pick that drink to send her. After exhaling a sharp breath, she allowed her head to swivel on her neck and she swiftly took one glance towards the bar. Unfortunately for her, that quick glance was all too much, since a pair of crystal blue eyes stared at her from beneath the scraggly bleach blonde hair that overlapped them. Even across the room his eyes were piercing, and she could feel her stomach convulse into angry knots.

Him? What is he doing here? After all these years, why now?

(Y/N) tried not to watch as the man slowly rose from the bar stool he'd been reclining in, and made his way towards her. She came here to be alone, that was always the plan, that's how it had always been, and now, after damn near ten years, he's here. As he closed the gap between himself and the woman he'd spotted, as if by fate, from across the room, he gazed hesitantly down over her. Nearly a decade had passed since he'd last seen her--at least in person--and she was still as beautiful as the last time he'd laid eyes on her.

"Can we talk?" his voice was soft and low as he tried not to draw the attention of passersby. (Y/N) bit her lip as her heart turned to lead and plummeted to her knees at how soothing she still found that voice to be. Feeling as if she had no other option but to agree, (Y/N) nodded, but she did all she could to keep her eyes from meeting those of the man she knew as Colson, but the world know as Machine Gun Kelly.

After she'd cashed out of the roulette game, she hopelessly followed him as he tried to find a private place in the middle of a casino in Las Vegas. She knew it was damn near impossible, but Colson had always been...well, Colson. If he was determined enough to do something, damn it he was going to. Today however, he decided not to be stubborn, and since he quickly noticed (Y/N) becoming impatient, he led her to a fountain outside of the casino and sat down on the edge without a word. (Y/N) placed herself beside him and stared at their shadows on the ground before them.

There had been so many times in her life that she'd stared at her and Colson's shadows as they stretched across the pavement because she'd been unable to look him in the eyes: in middle school just after he'd gotten into a fight to defend her about some stupid, inaccurate rumor and she felt ashamed, the summer before she started high school after moving to Cleveland when she learned Colson had also moved to Cleveland and was relieved to have a friend, in high school after him and his girlfriend were arguing over something stupid and (Y/N) had to hold her tongue about the feelings she had for him creeping into her chest, and the day she told him she was pregnant.

Long moments of silence passed without anything more than each of them occasionally raising their drinks to their lips and scanning the crowd around them. Neither of the pair could stand to look the other in the eye. It was too painful for either of them to see the other without thinking of the countless possibilities and outcomes that had plagued each of their minds for the past nine years.

"So, how have you been?" he asked in a voice so small compared to how big he had become.

"Fine," (Y/N) responded in just as soft of a tone as Colson's. "You seemed to have accomplished everything you used to dream about," she said as a way to try and break through the tension that surrounded them.

"Yeah," Colson sighed as he gave in and allowed himself to sneak a glimpse of her profile, "almost everything." Another long silence passed where the pair that had once been inseparable struggled to exist around each another. He would stare at his drink and she would look to the shadows, each subconsciously drawing themselves to their individual flavors darkness that swallowed them the moment they left the other's life; yet they each held their breath in hips that the other would speak again.

A steady stream of air escaped Colson's lips as he tried to bring about the courage to say the word's he'd been dying to relay to (Y/N) had he ever been blessed with the chance to meet her again. Unfortunately, she found courage before he did.

"What are you doing here, Col?" The words she felt as if she'd been choking on for the past ten minutes had finally escaped her mouth. She could tell her voice was hurt, and she didn't intend on hiding any of that pain. In fact, hearing the weakness in her tone sent a lump into Colson's throat, and he quickly brought his eyes to look at her. She'd always been strong; it was something he loved about her, but after the past nine years of thinking, he'd realized it was something he'd taken advantage of. Just because she was strong didn't mean she couldn't be vulnerable, but it was in her moments of vulnerability that Colson could feel his heart break. As his eyes fell over (Y/N), he couldn't help but ache. She sat beside him, slumped over, her back completely curved with no posture to her other than the obvious desire to crumble into a fetal position.

"I- uh, I was going to come next year, but I know I'm not going to be in the States then, so I came on the nine year anniversary instead of the tenth." Softly, his fingertips found her arm and he gently traced his fingers along her skin. (Y/N) swallowed her pain with a gulp of her martini and pulled back her tears.

"I didn't realize you were that sentimental." The words nearly fell from her lips in a hiss hat it not been for them getting caught in her throat.

"(Y/N), I-"

"I have been here every year, Colson," she sighed heavily as she turned her head and body to face him completely. "Where were you? LA? New York? Half-way across the world? You know, there was a time that you made it seem like you wanted me to be there, and then the second things changed, you were gone!" The tears she'd desperately tried to keep from spilling began to fall slowly from her eyes and crated agonizing streaks of sorrow for him to look at.

"I wanted it more than anything else!" Colson's restraint snapped as he took (Y/N)'s face in his hands and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. "I wanted that child, (Y/N). I wanted to have you and our baby--I wanted our family! When we lost him, I just, I didn't know what to do or how to react. I felt you pushing me further and further away every day and I didn't know what to do."

"So you drove to LA and became someone else?" (Y/N) asked with an emptiness in her voice that he hadn't heard since she repeatedly told him "I'm fine," every time he asked about her mental state after losing their son.

"I asked you to come with me! I told you we could start over, we could try again if that's what we wanted!"

"I was nineteen, Colson."

"So are you saying you wouldn't have wanted to have a child?" (Y/N) could feel Colson's walls rising as he misinterpreted her words as rejection. "You wanted him when it was an accident," he immediately tried to counter, "what would have been different?"

"Nothing!" (Y/N) snapped as she brought herself to look into his eyes for the first time since she saw him at the bar. "Don't you see that I have no idea that anything would have happened differently? I had just, suddenly, became inhospitable for our unborn son. Who was I to think that any other child we could conceive would be different?" Her words were firm and felt louder than they were as they left her body. (Y/N) shook as the fear she'd held onto for nine years escaped her lips. The truth that hung from the strands of sentences she'd blurted out were difficult for Colson to grasp, but he did his damnedest to try to hold onto each syllable that came from her mouth, each momentary glance she would give him, and every detail of her face he could gather. "I just needed you. I need you, Col, not to move or start over or become something we weren't. I just needed you to tell me it wasn't my fault, that I didn't fuck everything up, that it wasn't because of me that our son was dead, that I wasn't the reason we left one another's lives, but you were gone."

Colson tried to stretch his fingers down (Y/N)'s arm and take her hand in his, but he could feel her muscles tense beneath her skin, so he stopped and lightly laid his hand on her forearm. "(Y/N), I never wanted to make you feel like-"

"Look, it's been almost ten years since we've seen each other. You don't have to do or say anything because you saw me here today. Honestly, sometime I think that after everything we shared together--the loneliness, our friendship, our relationship, all of it--it doesn't matter, because in the end...the way it ended...it was as if nothing happened."

"(Y/N), please don't say that." Colson's voice was weak--hardly a whisper drifting through the small space that separated them--and he knew her eyes wouldn't meet his again. He wanted to stand up and wrap his arms around her, to pull her into his chest and keep her from walking away, but he didn't know what he could say, or if there was anything he could say to keep her with him.

"Thanks for the drink, Colson," (Y/N) sighed as she walked away from the man she once loved--the man she, on some level, will always love--and down the Las Vegas Strip. Colson's eyes helplessly followed as (Y/N) as she slowly disappeared from his sight until she became just another figure hidden among the sea of people before him. The moment he'd lost sight of her gait amongst the crowd, he ducked his head into his hands, and watched his tears begin to soak the pavement below him.

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luthien-t · 4 years

Text

Resurfaced Memories. chapter one.

Loki x Female reader

warning: swearing, use of tobacco, angst slightly

Summary: Being the goddess of Victory, Sigyn. You Devoted your eternal love to Loki, but ever since his reveal of being the Jotun, Odin decides to separate you both to prevent all chances of him seizing the throne. Casted -More like banished- to Midgard with no memories of your previous life, you believe you are the same as the ones around you, the midgardians. You gave yourself the name Y/n. With plenty of help and guidance you finally have a life, what will it be of Loki when he finds you during his trips with his brother?

word count: 1.6K+

(Im going to pretend that Thanos NEVER happened, so loki 2012 never happened -the avenger did happen tho, just not bc of loki- loki is on good terms with them, him and thor come visit every once and a while, thank u thank u)

A/N: Tell me what you think! Send me a message if you want to be in the taglist and thank youu! Happy readingg

1945, New York.

You are walking, where? You don’t know, you don’t recognise half of the things you pass. People are dressed differently than you, looking down at your gown, it was muddy and damaged, your hair was out of place and your bare feet cannot handle any more of the wet mud you’ve been walking on, it was raining, heavy. You find a house with the lights turned on and walked towards it. Your mind was spiralling with thoughts, unsure of what happened or where you’ve been before, you knock on the door once, tears start to dwell in your eyes, you can’t deny how terrified and confused you are. Knocking again on the door, you were greeted by a woman, a shotgun in her hand earning a gasp from you.

“Who are you and what are you doing on my porch?!” She had the gun aimed directly towards you, as soon as she noticed your tears she put down the gun, scanning you from head to toe, a frown appearing on her face as she noticed the ripped and muddied clothes before pulling you in and looking around outside the house, trying to find any sign of danger. You stood behind her, mouth dry, your brain can’t even comprehend the situation you are in, you are trying so hard to remember but all you get is headache.

“Darling, are you safe?” She locked the door before turning to look at you, concern visible in her face and you only shrug, words won’t come out, almost like you have forgotten how to think or use them. She walked to the living room behind you, telling you to follow her as she grabbed a blanket to wrap around you. “What is your name?” She asks, quietly. You look up at her, trying to remember, your eyes moving around and closing them as if you will remember, but nothing comes to mind. Growing frustrated a sob escapes and your body shakes, she frowns and sits down on the couch in front of you. “Have a seat, sweet heart.” She said in a soothing voice, you sit down and violently wipe your tears before looking down at your hands resting on your knees.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you.” You hear yourself say, although it came out through your gasps and broken sobs. She shook her head and leaned forward. “Nonsense, as long as you’re here, you are safe. No one is going to hurt you” She rested a hand on your knee, leaning her head down to look at your face.

But that is the thing, you don’t even know if there is anyone or or anything, you can’t remember where you were or how you got here, your eyes locked to the woman in front of you and you nod. “I don’t remember anything” Thats the only thing you are sure of, you don’t remember.

“Parents? Family? Friends? Anyone I can call?” She asks slowly and you shake your head. “I don’t remember anything, I swear.” Your body begins to shake again and she tightens the blanket around you, trying to give you some form of security. “That’s alright, we will figure this out.” She smiles softly. “I’m Linda, Linda Johnson.” She sits back and watches you, unsure of how to handle your situation. You nod. “I’m-“ You want to say, want to know your name, but your mind won’t cooperate with you whatsoever, your tears appearing again and you sigh. “I don’t know.” You say and look up at her, a frown printed on your face.

She was wearing a plain white shirt and jeans, her hair was orange and she appeared to be younger than you could imagine. She tried to have a conversation with you, talking about her past in simple details, she used to work with the Armed forces. “You don’t look like you live here.”she said then told you that you are currently in New York in the united states, she is about 28 years old, lives alone ever since she left her job. You wanted to interact with her and tell about yourself but your mind won’t budge one bit.

“I will send papers about you, maybe a family or a friend will recognise you and call. We will check up with a doctor tomorrow to see if there is any thing they can do” She reassured you, all you can simply do is nod and thank her.

1947, New York.

It has been two years since you found yourself in New York, you’ve gotten used to the way things work around here. Living with Linda was making everything easier for you, everyday you learnt something new from her. A couple of months into your first interaction, she decided to give you a name.

“You’re not going to be cramped up in this house all day long, you can help me and I can help you,” She started, “It has been 3 months since I put the posters up about you, but we have to see every outcome.” She was starting to worry, she wondered if you even had a family around here. “How does y/n sound?” She said and you smiled wide at her. “I love it” You say and repeat the name, it was simple and easy to remember.

After a year or so, you started to have a life here, you also learnt the reason why Linda left her job, she talked about how a scientist named Abraham Erskine tested a chemical on her, she felt unsafe and had to leave.

“There was no effect, I didn’t feel a thing, he called it the super-soldier serum, I was there to help when he first started working on it. Which is why he tested on me, when nothing happened to me he realised that the serum needed more development, but I couldn’t risk my life for some bullshitted serum” She says as she lights her cigarette and you nod. “So you’re still the same? No effects?” You ask, stirring a cup of tea in your hand and she shakes her head. “Oh no, honey, I had some reaction, my wounds heal faster and I look like im 20 when I’m actually 47, I can run fast, the super strength ingredient was apparently the only thing missing, but I had to get out or else he would’ve kept testing and trying.” You nod again and take a sip from your cup.

“For all we know I might live past the normal human age” she chuckled and you smile. You wonder how old you are, the doctors who checked up on you all gave you the same answer. “Our machines are not that upgraded and we could only assume that you are in your twenties.” They were all amazed at how your cells regenerate quickly and how immune you are to diseases despite not knowing what a vaccine is.

Your days always passed quickly with nothing to do but help Linda in her house, you found a new passion towards gardening and reading, you spent your free time reading every book Linda had and sometimes you’d go to the library and read the books there, you enjoyed norse mythology the most and absorbed every knowledge you could have cramped up inside your mind.

Back in Asgard.

Loki spent the last two year, alone. Yes, he had his brother and his friends, but no one was able fill the gap that you left. He wondered if he ever treated you wrong for you to leave so easily, without a goodbye or a letter, his thoughts taking over him. He mostly spent his awakening hours in the library, sometimes in the garden under your favourite tree, hoping maybe one day you will return with an explanation.

“Still waiting, brother?” Thor said, looking down at Loki who was sitting under that wretched tree he loved dearly.

“That is none of your concern, Thor.” He replied as he flipped the page of the book he pretended to be reading, Thor knew him more than anyone, he was the only one who was able to see through his lies ever since you left.

“She will return, don’t fret, Loki. Everyone was envious of the love you two had for eac-“

“I would rather not talk about her, thank you very much.” He shut his book and looked up at his brother. Thor only chuckled and sat down next to him, anger started to coarse through Lokis veins, How dare he sit where my beloved sat before him!

“Father is as distraught as you are, you know.” Thor looked at him with amusement in his eyes, trying to calm his brother down. “She was the only one keeping you from causing all this trouble!” This time, Thor laughed and Loki looked away. “Father loves to pretend, Thor, you should know this by now.” He crossed his arm and remembered the last time Odin mentioned her.

“She forced heimdall to open the Bifront, Loki, she succeeded at treason. I would not want a criminal roaming this castle or this realm.” Odin told him calmly, Loki was drowning in his own guilt and pain that he was unable to see the lie presented in front of him.

“This is her home! What will happen of her if she is denied of returning to her own realm!” Loki protested, taking a step closer to Odin.

“I will not command Heimdall to bring her back, she may have left on her own accord but she will not return so easily! This is final.” His father stood up, his staff slamming down on the floor, Loki fought the anger and tears from appearing and left without another word.

Odin watched as Loki left and whispered. “One day you will understand.”

#Loki Laufeyson #loki odinson #loki fanfic #loki fic #loki x reader #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson x you #loki odison x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #Loki Laufeyson x Reader #loki laufeyson x you #loki layfeyson x reader

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bnhaficsforthesoul · 4 years

Note

yoo, okay this is a bit of an angsty request but i NEED this !! essentially, the reader loves midoriya (or anyone of your choosing, really) yet its unrequited ^^ maybe a popular ship or smth is real in ur writing, like tododeku and reader is all "oh heckles, midoriya doesn't love me" and just,, sad stuff ?? maybe even a hanahaki disease au if you'd like!!! i want it as a n g s t y as possible with no happy ending jksdhgjdsghjdsjgk thank you sm ily

Of course I had to take the chance to write a hanahaki au - idk if this is angsty enough - im bad at angst lol, but here ya go anon

No - this couldn’t be happening. You didn’t love him, you couldn’t. But - the bloody flower petal in your hand spoke otherwise. You felt the world spiraling around you, yet you were frozen.

Midoriya Izuku - your best friend who had stolen your heart and given his to another. Of course, there was no chance of Izuku returning your love, he was dating Shouto. You remember the excitement in his eyes when he first told you they were together - and the excitement you had reciprocated for your friend. If only you knew the suffering you would later go through because of him.

Of course, there is no knowing whether Izuku would have loved you if he wasn’t with Shouto - but it seemed the possibility was nonexistent at this point. So, you had 3 choices. You could muster up the money for surgery and lose all your feelings for Izuku, get lucky and make yourself fall out of love with him, or die. And right now, you desperately hoped you were lucky.

Quickly grabbing your phone off of its nightstand, you opened your messages, sighing softly at Izuku’s contact near the top of your messages, and found Momo. She’s vice class rep - so she’s probably the best person to ask to get your homework without getting scolded, and you texted her “I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to school tomorrow Momo, I’m feeling pretty sick. Could you tell me the homework so I don’t fall behind?”

It was late, so you didn’t expect a reply. But you didn’t need one - you weren’t going to school. If you weren’t around Izuku, maybe you would forget about your feelings for him and be cured. You were hoping, anyways.

You woke up the next day late in the afternoon - it’s not often you get to stay home from school - to a text from Momo, saying “Oh no! I hope you feel better, I’ll send you the notes and homework after school. Get some rest!” You smiled at her kindness and laid back on your bed. But then, you noticed the other messages in your notifications. A few on the groupchat, with little “get betters” - which you were expecting. This class treats itself like a family, people are gonna worry if you’re sick. There were also more personal messages from Eijirou, Tenya, and - Shouto and Izuku.

Shouto had also become a close friend of yours in the time you’ve known him, the two of you always being around Izuku allowed you to develop a bond yourself. So it was no surprise that he texted you, but all you felt was anger towards his “How are you feeling? Do you want me to bring you some soba? I’ll even warm it up for you.” There was a small twinge of guilt in your stomach, he obviously didn’t deserve your anger, but you couldn’t even spare him a response.

Then Izuku - how were you supposed to forget about your feelings when he was constantly so perfect? You found yourself smiling at his message, a “Good morning y/n! I hope you’re feeling better today! I’ll come by and check on you after I finish my homework :)” Sitting up, you went to respond - but you were interrupted by a sharp pain in your throat before you began coughing, and you covered your mouth with your hands only to feel the light touch of petals fall into them.

There were more than last night.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you stared at your hands once again. It hadn’t even been a full day, but already the flowers were growing rapidly. With shaky hands, you shook off the petals and returned your phone, quickly messaging “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. You don’t need to come by either, I don’t want you getting sick and I’ll probably be sleeping.”

The seriousness of your situation finally set in - last night you hadn’t seemed to fully grasp that if you didn’t do something to stop this, you would literally die. A few choked sobs escaped your lips, and you winced in pain.

You roughly fell back down onto the bed - frantically wondering what to do. Would Recovery Girl be able to cure you? Would the disease go away if you just forgot about Izuku? You grabbed your phone and started searching for answers. Articles upon articles on the disease, talking about what the misfortunate people who contract it can do to save themselves.

What you found was disappointing - there are no accounts of people being able to overcome the disease on their own, and always had to resort to surgery or death. You didn’t have the money for surgery, and you didn’t want to bring your friends into this and ask for help - but you didn’t want to die.

“What am I gonna do…” You threw your phone onto the bed and put your hands over your face, holding back your tears. As much as you simply wanted to avoid Izuku until you didn’t love him anymore, it was impossible. Sweet Izuku, who deems it his responsibility to be the most caring person on earth, would be devastated if you were to suddenly cut off ties with him. Besides, how could you when you were forced to see him everyday at school regardless. There was only so long you could feign being sick - you doubted the school wouldn’t do anything to help you.

The rest of the week was spent in the comfort of your own room - you had managed to convince your friends that you were too sick for school, and for anyone to visit. Researching options had been your top priority, mainly what the surgery entails, but everything you found made you less and less optimistic.

The surgery costs thousands of dollars, money that no average high school student would have - meaning unless you were to ask for help there would be no way to get the surgery in the first place. And even if you could, there were no certain results. With how rare Hanahaki is, there aren’t enough accounts of successful operations to rely on. Well - they all worked, those who got the surgery were alive. But some had results more drastic than others.

From the result you were hoping for - being you would simply lose feelings for Izuku and live on - to people who had completely forgotten about the person they loved all together. As much as you didn’t want to die, how would you live on without remembering Izuku? Your best friend. He’s been there for you through so much, the thought of living on without him was terrifying.

Yet, everyday you were reminded with the inevitable coming of your death. The itching in your lungs grew everyday, as did the amount of petals you were coughing out. It wouldn’t be long until your lungs were full of flowers - and you suffocated.

----

“Y/n! Are you feeling better?” Eijirou smiled brightly at you as you walked into the classroom, and you returned a soft smile before sitting in your desk. “I guess.” All you could do was be optimistic, at least in front of your friends. After a week of practically being MIA, you decided you wouldn’t worry them anymore. Besides, if you waited any longer, you’d probably wake up to Katsuki blowing down your door with 15 people behind him.

Everything was as normal, you talked with Denki and Mina as you waited for class to start, Katsu gave you a “look who finally decided to show up,” - which you knew meant he was glad you were okay - and you even managed to be happy when Izuku ran in and gave you a hug. Your smile strained when Shouto said hi to you however, both because you felt bad for having ignored his texts all week, and because you just didn’t want to be around him. At least not yet.

Aizawa soon walked into class, and everyone hurried to their seats so that class could start. It wasn’t anything special today - just some more basic hero instruction, and you were happy that you could take it easy as to hopefully not trigger your coughing. You’d be able to tell him about it after class - maybe he could find a way to let you stay out of school until you figured this out.

Still - class was especially long today. Having not been present for a few days seemingly made the period feel much longer than it truly was. And just as luck would have it, an itch began to grow in the back of your throat, and you panicked. You didn’t want anyone else knowing - you didn’t want that kind of attention on you. To be the poor soul of 1A who might die

You raised your hand, wanting to use the restroom as an excuse to get out of there.

“Yes, y/l/n?”

“Can I-”

Speaking apparently only made it worse, and before you could even finish your sentence you hunched over - beginning to cough up a multitude of flower petals. However, this time was a lot worse than the previous ones, your coughing not letting up until you were choking on petals - likely due to your forcing yourself not to cough for so long. Petals were overflowing from your hands as you attempted to cover your mouth, falling onto your desk and down to the ground.

Everyone’s attention had already been on you, and with the surprised expression on Aizawa’s face as he ran over to you - they all saw the dark red blood dripping out of your hands and the soft pink petals blanketing your desk. Your attempt at hiding your sickness had only pushed it forward, and now there was nothing you could do.

Aizawa rubbed your back until you calmed down, and you looked up from your hands to the horrified looks on your friends’ faces. Your face was covered in blood and tears - you looked a mess.

“Let’s get you to Recovery Girl, okay? Can you stand?”

You nodded, but Aizawa still made sure to hold onto your arm just in case. The room was silent as he led you out, all eyes stuck on you. As you looked back - you were met with the wide eyes of Izuku, and you quickly looked away.

Aizawa had left right after dropping you off at Recovery Girl’s, ruffling your hair a bit and giving you a soft smile in an attempt to cheer you up.

“Hanahaki disease… I don’t think I’ve ever seen this personally. I can’t promise I’ll be able to help you, but we can try.”

You sat on one of the beds as she walked around the room, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it before bringing it over to you.

“You probably want to wash all the blood off.”

As you slowly rubbed the washcloth over your mouth, Recovery Girl grabbed your hand and kissed it. Normally, you’d immediately feel better. But other than the scratchy feeling in your throat - nothing changed. You could still feel the slowly growing flowers filling your lungs, they hadn’t gone away.

“How do you feel?”

“The flowers are still there… I can feel them.”

Recovery Girl sighed, “What about your throat? I’m sure all that coughing must have hurt - does your throat feel better?”

Nodding slowly, you felt tears forming in your eyes. So she couldn’t heal you.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I’ve tried all I can. All I can do is heal the physical damage - but no matter what I do, the flowers will keep growing. And if they keep increasing their growth at this rate, soon that won’t even be enough.”

With all the luck you’ve been having lately, it wasn’t surprising that this was the outcome. But that didn’t mean you weren’t disappointed. Before you could let your emotions overcome you and start crying in front of her, you jumped off the bed and began making your way out.

“Oh - I understand… thanks anyways.”

With a forced smile to Recovery Girl - who’s worried expression only served to make you feel worse - you trudged out of her office and into the long hallway.

“Y/n! Wait up! What happened?”

Izuku chased you down the hall as you left Recovery Girl’s office, a hopeful smile on his face. Apparently he had made his way down there as soon as class ended, wanting to make sure that you were okay. That smile disappeared as he saw your face, contorted in distress as a few tears escaped your eyes. “She wasn’t able to help you, was she?”

He took your silence as a no, but still tried to be optimistic, “Well, there has to be something we can do!”

With all the pain you were in, you’d think that your main worry would be yourself. But no - that hopeless look on Izuku’s face was where your worry had settled. He obviously felt that it was his duty to help you, even if there was nothing he could do.

“There’s surgery, and there’s dying.”

Izuku’s eyes glossed over and he grabbed your wrist, pulling you close.

“You gotta get the surgery y/n! Please - I don’t want you to die.”

If only he knew what he was asking of you. Would he tell you to get the surgery even if he knew he was the one you loved? Would he let you risk forgetting about him - and all the memories you had formed together?

“I don’t have that kind of money, Izuku. And I’m not going to bother anyone with my problem.”

His frown deepened, and his eyes shot around the floor as if he was looking for an answer, “But - I’m sure everyone would help out-”

“No - Izuku. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about it, please. It’s not your problem, it’s mine. Let me figure this out on my own.”

With your words, his grip on your wrist loosened in shock, and you used that as an opportunity to pull your hand away.

“I’ll be fine Izuku, what ever happens, just let me figure it out.”

You left him standing there, worried and hurt as you ran back to your dorm room - just wanting to be alone to process the events of today.

----

A constant knocking at your door drew you awake. As soon as you arrived in your dorm, you found yourself especially drained of energy, and quickly fell asleep. You desperately wanted to just ignore the thumping, but whoever it was wasn’t going to let up, so you sighed and slowly sat up and made your way to the door.

“Shouto? What’s up?”

When you opened the door, you were surprised to see Shouto standing there. He asked if he could come in, and you reluctantly agreed. As soon as you closed the door, he started talking.

“Izuku told me about what happened. Are you really planning on doing this yourself?”

It was hard to read his expression. On one hand he looked worried, but the sharp look in his eyes proved his frustration.

“You’re really going to let yourself die - just so you don’t get anyone else involved?”

His sharp gaze made you feel almost ashamed, as if your decision was completely idiotic - although you supposed it was. But you couldn’t bring yourself to reply, you’ve already caused enough trouble as it is, you don’t want to make others fix your problem.

Shouto sighed and placed his hand on your shoulder, “I’m paying for your surgery. We’ll schedule it for this weekend, can you hold out for that long?”

Your eyes shot to his, the sharp look continuing to tell you he was serious. Even so, you gave him a light glare, crossing your arms as you replied, “What? No - you’re not! You heard it from Izuku, I’m not asking for anyone’s help.”

“Then you’ll die.”

That made you pause. It wasn’t like Shouto to be so blunt, at least not anymore, but he really was serious.

“I - … I don’t know… I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Y/n, let me do this. I know you don’t want my help, but I don’t want you to die. No one wants you to die, and you don’t want to die.”

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so with a heavy sigh you nodded, “Fine… but - I’ll owe you something. Anything.”

Shouto chuckled lightly at that, and nodded, finally taking his hand off your shoulder as he spoke “Deal. Actually, I know what I want. Hanahaki happens when you love someone that doesn’t love you, right? So - who do you love? I’m just curious.”

Fuck. Of course he would ask that. You forced a smile, “Ah - I don’t wanna talk about that… Isn’t there something else you could ask, or that I could do for you? There’s gotta be something.”

“I don’t have anything else in mind, this is all I wanna know right now. Are you embarrassed by who it is? Or is it me?”

He laughed when he mentioned himself, but he was still looking at you expectantly. If Shouto was anything, apparently it was persistent.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to get upset.”

“I promise.”

With a deep breath, you looked at the ground and muttered, “Izuku.”

Shouto’s face fell from a soft smile to a painfully neutral expression. The room was silent, except for your slight coughing - all the talking had edged you closer to another coughing fit, and you wanted him out before it happened.

“I’ll call the doctor tomorrow.” Shouto walked to the door and opened it, but paused before he could walk out, “And don’t worry about it y/n. It’s not your fault, I’m not mad.” At that, he fully left, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone once again. At least he understood.

----

The school had allowed you to take the rest of the week off under the suggestion of Aizawa and Recovery Girl, not wanting a repeat of last time. This time, however, you weren’t allowed to stay holed up in your room, as the class forced you out after school to spend time with them. It was times like this that you really appreciated your friends - they would help comfort you when you started coughing up more flowers, and made it their mission to cheer you up.

The weekend came soon, and Saturday morning you were met once again with Shouto knocking at your door.

“Ready?”

Bouncing on your heels, you tried to relax your panicky brain. You’d be fine. The operation would go by smoothly, and you’ll be fine. Nothing to worry about.

“Yup! Let’s go.”

The trip there was fairly quiet, you were too busy thinking about the possible outcomes of the operation - and of Izuku. It would hurt to lose these feelings for him, as much as you hated them. To suddenly not love someone anymore sounded terrible. But, you’d still be friends - and that was all that mattered.

It didn’t take too long to arrive at the hospital, only about a 30 minute train ride, and soon you were waiting in the doctor’s office to go back. It seemed it was a good day to get the surgery done too, as your breathing had gotten worse and worse by the day. You were nowhere near suffocating quite yet, but another week and you just might be.

“Y/l/n-san, you can come back now.”

You followed the nurse into the back room, Shouto following close behind you.

“So, you got Hanahaki disease, huh? That’s real unlucky, but at least there’s surgery. Now, you do understand that other than the removal of the flowers, we can’t be certain of the actual effect the surgery will have on you mentally.”

“I know, I’ve done a lot of research. Whatever happens, I’m ready.”

The nurse nodded, and smiled at you, “Alright - then just sit down right there and relax. I’ll be back in a minute, and we can get started.”

She left to grab the doctors, and you waited for them to return.

“Are you scared?”

“Just of the uncertainty. I know it’ll work, but I’ve read a bunch of articles on how the whole emotional process can go wrong.”

Shouto sat next to you on the bed, “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll go fine.”

It wasn’t too long until the doctors came back into the room, dressed and ready for surgery. Shouto was forced to leave the room, and he promised to be right there when you woke up. Once he was gone, the doctors finished their final preparations and the lead surgeon came to prepare you.

“I’m going to put you under now. Are you ready?”

You nodded shakily - both excited and scared to see what would come.

“Alright, just relax. It’ll be over before you know it.”

He put the mask on your face, and your eyes fluttered shut into a deep sleep.

----

The doctor called Shouto in as soon as you woke up, wanting you to have a familiar face to help adjust while the anaesthesia worked its way out of your system.

“Everything seems to have gone great, the flowers are gone and they’ll live.”

Shouto thanked the doctor, and went into the room. You were still a bit dopey from the anesthesia however, so he let you be, wanting you to rest, and went to call Izuku.

“Shouto! How’d the surgery go? Is y/n okay?”

Shouto couldn’t help but chuckle at Izuku’s enthusiasm. Other than you, Izuku had been the most worried about the surgery - he wouldn’t be able to handle it if something went wrong and he lost you.

“Yes, they’re okay. They’re still waking up, but once the doctor says it’s okay for visitors to come I’ll text you.”

“Ah! I’m so glad! Okay, I’ll bring everyone with me!”

It was a while later when you fully woke up, finally aware of what was going on as you looked around the white room.

“Shouto? What time is it? Did the surgery go alright?”

“Around noon, and yes - you’re perfectly fine. Are you hungry? I can go grab you some food.”

You nodded, having not eaten all day, “Yes please. Oh, and could you grab me my phone? Momo said to call her after the surgery.”

Shouto went to grab your bag and began searching through it for your phone, but decided you’d want to know that your friends would be coming soon as well.

“I’m sure she’ll be coming over soon, Izuku said he’s gonna bring everyone to come visit in a bit”

He expected for you to be happy at the news, but instead your face contorted in confusion, and to Shouto’s horror - you asked, “Who’s Izuku?”

---

As everyone from 1A flooded into the room, you broke out into a bright smile. They all circled around the bed, spouting random comments about how happy they were that you were okay and that the surgery was a success. You excitedly listened to all of them, happy to hear that your friends cared about you so much.

“Y/n! I’m so glad you’re okay! I was so worried!”

Izuku, finally being able to push his way through everyone and up to you, had latched himself onto you, throwing his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into a tight hug. However, you began pushing him off of you, not wanting some stranger to be touching you so closely.

“Uh, I’m sorry, but who are you?”

Izuku’s eyes widened as you said this - and everyone else in the room turned quiet. Your confused expression as you eyed him carefully further emphasized your seriousness. Why didn’t you remember him?

“I’m… I’m Izuku. Don’t you remember me?”

You gave him an overly kind smile, and Izuku had a glimpse of hope as you seemed to have a revelation, but instead, “Oh! You’re the person Shouto was talking to earlier! Nice to meet you!”

You seemed to recognize everyone else in the room, as you happily turned to Denki who started telling you about something that happened at school to ease the tension.

Confused, Izuku shakily grabbed his boyfriend’s hand - who’s pained expression worried him more - and pulled him to the corner of the room.

“Shouto… what happened? I thought you said the surgery worked.”

He was quiet for a moment, trying to decide how to word the news in a way that Izuku would understand, “Well… It did. Y/n’s cured. But - Hanahaki is such a rare occurrence, doctors don’t know all the technicalities of it yet. They can’t assure results, and sometimes, the patient ends up forgetting about the person they loved all together rather than just losing their feelings.”

Suddenly, Izuku went numb. That would have to mean - that meant you loved him.

You loved him.

It was his fault you went through all that pain.

Flashes of you coughing up blood and petals in class flooded his brain - and the pain on your face as you looked at him - he caused that. And now, he couldn’t even apologize. You had no idea who he was.

“I’m sorry Izuku.”

He barely noticed as Shouto pulled him into his chest, and he cried softly. As he looked over Shouto’s shoulder, he saw you laughing happily with the others - a sight that should make him smile.

But all he felt was pain - even though you were right there, he had lost you.

#im ceo of writing bad angst lol #longest fic as of now #izuku midoriya #midoriya x reader #midoriya izuku #deku #deku imagine #deku midoriya #deku x reader #4240 words damn

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karliahs · 4 years

Note

for prompts um.. aizawa learning about ofa but in like a painful way? in a 'im telling you this because i have no choice/we're gonna die anyway so what does it matter' way? maybe? i also just want... people realizing that deku had a Hard Time and because of that its hard for him to really be like. thoroughly happy. he's so passively suicidal it hurts lol!

content warning for descriptions of serious injuries

Shouta is aware of how fast things can turn bad. USJ had gone from a training exercise to a desperate struggle to preserve 20 lives in a matter of seconds.

So, he isn’t exactly surprised when he wakes from unconsciousness chained to a wall, still-blurred vision scanning the room - some kind of basement, two masked men, Midoriya chained up on the same wall. That suggests a lack of knowledge, that maybe they’d expected Shouta to be alone and grabbed the kid as a bonus, because chains aren’t exactly-

As if he’s brought it into being with the thought, power crackles along his student’s arms and the chains holding Midoriya break with an oddly-muted crack. Midoriya jumps to his feet, spinning the momentum straight into a kick that launches one of the men across the room. The other, instead of backing away from the 16-year-old explosion of power they’ve clearly vastly underestimated, steps in closer, and Shouta activates erasure with a lurch of panic in his gut.

Then, everything goes oddly still. Midoriya and the captor still on his feet just stand there, at an angle where Shouta can’t see what’s happened to make them stop. The man takes one step back, and still Midoriya just stands there, suspended, angled too far away for Shouta to be able to see his expression.

What he can see is the man in the corner starting to recover from the blow, dragging himself up - then stopping with pure panic in his eyes when he sees Midoriya. He bolts for the stairs, the other man backs up another step, and finally Shouta can see the knife embedded in his student’s abdomen.

When things go bad, it happens fast. So fast it feels like time is slipping away, like he’s moving in slow motion compared to the rest of the world. Both men are bolting now, clearly in over their heads, leaving Shouta still chained up with a kid with a stab wound.

“Leave the keys!” Shouta yells after them, venom mixing with pure panic. “Call for help!”

He activates erasure even though neither of them seem to be using quirks to escape, just trying to have any impact at all, take something away from them. If this is remorse, it’s worse than useless. Corrupt enough that cut holes in one of his kids, cowardly enough to run without letting them out first.

Midoriya turns to face him, eyes wide. “Midoriya,” Shouta says, pieces clicking into place in his mind - his primary obstacle is a set of chains, and his only asset is a student who’s just proved he can break them without an issue. If only he weren’t hurt, bleeding and confused. “It’s going to be okay. You just have to-no, don’t.” Shouta interrupts himself as he sees one of Midoriya’s hands hover in the air by the knife. “Don’t take it out. It’s slowing the bleeding.”

Midoriya obeys all too easily, face unmarred by pain - just blank shock, and a hint of helplessness that looks strange on a student who so rarely asks for help with anything.

“It’s going to be okay,” Shouta says again. “If you can break the chains, I can get you out of here and we can find help.”

“Okay,” Midoriya says, voice choked and young. He takes one step towards Shouta before collapsing, finally crying out as he goes, but thankfully the angle of his fall takes him close enough to Shouta.

“Alright,” Shouta says, trying to keep the anguish out of his voice. If time is going slowly for him, he can only imagine how it feels for Midoriya, drifting in that timeless haze of agony. He needs to be clear and calm. He wants to believe one of those terrified men called an ambulance, but he’s lived too long to have faith in that kind of mercy. Clear, calm and fast.

Shouta wraps his hands around Midoriya’s, moves them to the chains on the wall and tries to help him get a grip. “Just one push, okay?” Shouta says. “Then we’ll get out of here.”

Midoriya shuts his eyes, and for an awful moment Shouta thinks he’s losing him - then his quirk comes to life, haltingly, the bright patterns on his skin skipping and lurching as if afraid. Usually, Midoriya’s control is such that his quirk seems to become active through his whole body at once, but now the glow starts at his chest and spirals out erratically - then it reaches his abdomen and he yelps, the light blinking out, hands falling to press down around the knife.

“Alright, alright,” Shouta murmurs. There’s blood spreading through the kid’s T-shirt. He’s taking short, stuttering breaths.

“Sorry,” Midoriya mumbles.

“Stay with me, kid,” Shouta says, taking his hand again. The chains clink as he moves, and god, Shouta would give every second he has left just to break that metal. “Try again.”

Midoriya obediently, painstakingly calls on his quirk again and gives a hard shove at the place where the chains meet the wall, but that little bit of movement causes him to let out a breathless scream and fall back. Shouta has to reach out his chained arms just to keep him from collapsing all the way down onto his back. Instantly, his hands are warm and wet; there’s blood at Midoriya’s back, too.

This can’t be happening. His student can’t be about to die because of two inches of metal. This bright, wonderful person can’t be about to die in his arms.

“It- it hurts,” Midoriya murmurs, leaning on him. “I can- I can feel the knife moving.”

“I know, I know,” Shouta says. “But we need to get you help. It’s either you make it up the stairs-”

Midoriya gives a panicked groan, shaking his head frantically.

“Or you break the chains and I carry you out. You can do this. I promise you can do this.”

Midoriya nods, tears gathering in his eyes, but several panicked breaths later and he hasn’t moved.

“Take a breath,” Shouta insists, quiet but firm, “then try again. Try to concentrate your quirk just where you need it.”

“It’s…it’s called One For All,” Midoriya says, tipping back a little in Shouta’s clumsy hold. “All Might gave it to me.”

Time slips away again, or something like it. There’s blood on the shackles on Shouta’s wrists. They look at each other, and even through the pain Midoriya seems to be searching his face for something.

“I wanted to tell you,” he adds, then slips back a little further and yelps in pain. Shouta is holding him up as best he can, but it still takes abdominal muscles to hold yourself in that kind of position - and every contraction of those muscles risks jostling the blade. He can’t die like this. He just can’t.

“Midoriya, please,” Shouta says. He doesn’t think his voice holds steady. Shouta has seen victims of stab wounds before, has been the victim of stab wounds before, and so he can’t avoid the knowledge that these minutes of coherency are numbered. As sure as up is up and down is down, soon enough shock and blood loss will render Midoriya unable to listen to what he’s saying, let alone use his quirk. If he hasn’t broken the chains by then - and if neither of those monsters called for an ambulance… “Please, kid. There isn’t anything else I can do. It has to be you, and it has to be now.”

“S-sorry,” Midoriya says, shutting his eyes for another heartstopping moment. He opens them and there’s a shred of his old determination shining there. “Sorry I caused you so much trouble.”

He moves his hands and before Shouta can register what he’s going to do, he’s clutching the hilt of the knife and pulling it out, activating his quirk in the next second and shoving forward to punch at the root of the chains. Finally, finally, they break, and Shouta is gathering Midoriya up in his arms and trying to put pressure on the wound at the same time, sprinting for the stairs.

“You did it, you did it, I’ve got you,” Shouta mutters, barely taking in his own words, and as he reaches the top of the stairs he hears the distant sound of sirens.

...

Hours later, in the grey light and never-quite-quiet of the hospital Shouta has refused to leave, he sits side by side with a silent Yagi, letting Inko Midoriya have some privacy with her son even if the doctors don’t think he’ll be waking up any time soon.

Shouta has had a lot of time to think, and mostly hasn’t done so. He won’t really be able to think until he sees his student alive, moving, talking again.

What few thoughts he has managed are shards of memory. A student who works harder than anyone, but came into high school with hardly any control over his quirk, the foundation most aspiring heroes start from. And Yagi, hiding off to the side, watching over his class’s first training session. Like he had a personal stake.

Shouta doesn’t pry into students’ lives for the sake of it. He and Nedzu have disagreed a couple of times over the level of surveillance UA should aim for when it comes to students, especially now that the dorm system had been implemented. But he can’t help a kid he doesn’t understand. He can’t help Midoriya recover from anaesthesia any faster, but he can try and understand the missing piece connecting Midoriya to Yagi.

“So,” Shouta says, voice flat. “One For All.”

Yagi sits up straighter. “He told you?”

“He was scared,” Shouta says. He was dying, he doesn’t say, because he isn’t, he didn’t.

“It’s…his story to tell, now,” Yagi says, and there’s a discomfort there that almost makes Shouta smile.

“Sure,” he says. “Delay the inevitable.” Shouta shakes his head. “That kid’s braver than you.”

“I know,” Yagi says simply, and a quick scan of his expression shows Shouta that he isn’t joking.

Shouta thinks they’re done, but Yagi turns to face him, solemn and sincere. “Thank you,” he says. “Thank you for getting him out of there alive.”

Shouta gives a short nod. “He did it himself.”

Yagi smiles. “You should get used to being thanked. I’m sure young Midoriya will be very grateful when he wakes.”

“Delaying the inevitable,” Shouta murmurs, slumping back in his chair, letting his eyes fall shut trying not to see echoes of the night’s horrors reflected in the dark.

#bnha fic #dadzawa #aizawa #midoriya #feel like my ~brand~ makes this kinda obvious but there's no major character death here!!#just big angst #thank you for the prompt!!!#gonna keep the second part of your ask in mind too bc that's exactly my kind of shit

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slutsofren · 4 years

Text

Magical Mysteries

Summary: Hogwarts, 1978: Ben Solo and you are the best of friends, his mother is the Minister for Magic which puts a large target on his back being the wizarding community's supposed Golden Child and the leading example for fellow witches and wizards. Being his only friend has also led you to be ostracised with him. His life has been threatened repeatedly and you stayed beside him. But, this story isn't just about him being targeted by others, it's also the tale of either your illustrious fall with him to the darker side of magic, or your own saving grace to leave him to his virtues.

Read it on AO3 here: Prologue: Trust

im so sorry for everybody who was waiting on me, things got a little crazy the past week or so at home and it put me off of writing and editing- im doing this by myself and just kind of needed a Break. i think i should be back on to weekly posting now <3

Six years had passed since you first walked into the Great Hall. Six years since you met Ben Organa-Solo. In all that time both you and Ben had changed so much physically. Where he grew much taller and broader over the years, developing into the strong young man you knew he was, you changed in ways that only accentuated your humbled attractiveness.

You let your hair grow longer and longer each year, as did Ben when he could afford to, it was the 1970s afterall, by now your hair was long enough to reach your waist. A true accomplishment since you constantly fussed with it. Eventually it settled down a lot when Ben began braiding your hair from time to time. It was a comforting task for the two of you.

The best thing that changed for you both was your developments as magical people. Your strengths in herbology and potions were only rivaled by Ben. He was also well accomplished in potions as well due to a certain tutor you both shared, but he soared in charms and astronomy. Although your studies were close to perfection, everything else was not.

Your first year was as difficult you could have possibly imagined but you were forever grateful for having Ben with you. When you arrived with little to nothing but your full-blood Kneazle, something you’d deny your cat ever was, you felt overwhelmingly unprepared in comparison to the other students.

Ben had been gracious enough to help conceal your cat’s heritage and in doing so, coined his name, Anubis. You, in turn, named his great horned owl Athena. Both your companions took not only a liking to their new names but also to each other and would often be seen cozying about somewhere in the Slytherin common room. Ben never let you go without whenever he could, always bringing you whatever supplies you might have needed “just because”.

Since the two of you had begun your magical education, you minded to yourselves as best you could. It did prove to be rather difficult. Some of the elder Gryffindor students were almost always on your case because you had taken to defending another Slytherin boy. You and Ben caught a group of boys dangling him from his ankle, high in the sky using magic.

You disarmed the apparent leader, one James Potter. This led to a mild brawl between the group of bullies and you and Ben. Peter, the rat-faced boy ran away, the one named Sirius fought Ben and you fought James. Remus opted out of this small brawl and saw it as “unmanly” to hit you. You were sure to add a few well placed punches on James for that to prove a point.

When all was said and done, you ended up with a black eye and a few bruises. Ben, on the other hand, had fractured ribs, a broken nose, and a couple bite marks- he wasn’t happy about that. The boy in question was older by two years and his name was Severus Snape. He wasn’t fond of either of you at first but you bugged him enough to at least be tolerated by him.

As a result of the fight, Dumbledore was advised to expel you both, the bullies included, but the Ministry sent an advisor to meet with the Headmaster and you two were able to walk away without consequences on behalf of the school outside a bloody red howler.

It was sent by Ben’s mother who was not impressed with your chivalry as well as Ben’s “ineptitude to be a leader and not a follower”. This soured his mood for quite some time seeing as the entire school knew about it by the end of the day. Although you both left this debacle with little to no consequences, the group of Gryffindor boys were sent on a week long detention in the Forbidden Forest and lost 50 house points- each.

Ever since then, the Gryffindor house all made it a point to target you two. It didn’t bother you for the first year or so, you felt a sense of pride knowing that you did the right thing. It only became more inconvenient when they began to mess with your studies. That only fueled your drive to do better, to be better.

Ben, on the other hand, wanted less to do with this type of attention, he felt it to be too bothersome and invasive, which it was. They’d begin rumors about him, his family. All this did was further alienate him from others as they began to whisper about his background. As for you they’d only temper with your schooling since nobody knew of your father’s “infamy” in Europe.

Your fellow Slytherins either ignored both of your existences or quite simply cared to not get involved with the rivalry. Surprisingly enough, the general house feeling was to attempt winning the house cup as many years in a row as possible, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw had been dominating that title for the past four years at the very least.

The boy you defended, Severus Snape, acknowledged you two well enough eventually, offering to help your studies in potions since you had kind of guilted him into the position of tutor. You managed to begin scoring high marks since Severus made it relatively easy as he lent you his copy of Advanced Potions Making every once in a while. This alongside your affinity for botanical witchcraft seemed perfect. Aside from being your tutors, he kept to himself, much like the team you developed with the Minister's son. Alas, he wouldn’t be caught dead being seen with either of you but you would meet, albeit secretly, in one of the abandoned girls' bathrooms for his lessons once a week.

Due to Severus’ teachings you began to take to making whatever precautions you felt would be needed eventually. Ben often found himself either hurt or in need of aid and you always seemed to have his needs prepared before he even opened his mouth. This sparked his new nickname for you, Starlight. The one who always knew how to light the way.

Eventually the rumors and overall whispers began to grow more and more irritable. By the time your fifth year had rolled around, you needed to help Ben find an escape. You couldn’t sit by and watch your best friend cave into himself, becoming more reserved around you as if you were the exact same people he did not trust.

It felt like forever and a half until you found the perfect thing. You called it “The Attic”. It was not but what seemed to be but a small abandoned classroom on one of the most southern towers at the school. There was a large window facing the front of the school, where you could see the bridge that welcomed students each year if they came from the carriages. The other window facing the west allowed you to see the sunset from the room perfectly every evening.

Ben became more and more curious the more you slipped out from the common room without saying anything to him. These antics had gone on for about two weeks before he confronted you.

“Where do you think you’re going,” he warily said your name. His hand gripped your upper arm when you tried to scoot around behind him without him noticing one evening.

You felt anxious, staring at him like this, with your secret to hide, a surprise you couldn’t wait to show. “I can’t tell you yet but please,” you begged in a hushed whisper, “trust me.” Ben let go of your arm and nodded, watching you give a half smile and turn around, disappearing behind the common room doorway. He had half a mind to follow you but he stayed where he sat at the desk.

Not once in your entire friendship did he ever think about trust when it came to you. It felt like a foreign concept entirely. Being around you felt intoxicating, as if being next to you solved every problem he ever had.

Trust.

Yeah, he believes he trusts you.

He stayed put in that chair all night, even ignoring the Slytherin Head Boy calling everyone to bed for lights out. He stayed rooted in the chair, waiting for your return, clutching a letter in his hand that Athena, his wonderful owl, delivered earlier in the day. In the far corner of the room, he could hear the clock chiming, alerting him that it was now midnight.

Ben let out a heavy sigh and burned the letter, the contents lost in the flames. A problem for another day.

Deep in thought, the entry to the common room opened slowly, slipping past Ben’s attention. You walked closer behind him, watching him as he concentrated on the burning parchment.

You whispered his name and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Why are you still awake?”

He turned to look at you. His eyes filled with weariness and a hush of anger. “Where did you go?” He avoided your question.

You lowered your hood and flashed a big grin, excitement growing within the confines of your belly. “Let me show you tomorrow? I promise, you’ll really enjoy it.”

Ben searched your eyes and saw you were not going to hide your secret from him no longer and he conceded with a shallow nod.

The very next day, you both left dinner in the Great Hall early and you led him by his hand, taking the right hallway then a left to a spiral staircase, then up the changing stairways, up up up and up, almost not stopping.

He was beginning to get annoyed, thinking you’d led him on some wild goose chase until you stopped dead in your tracks in front of a door, you spun around, excitement making your whole body feel like it was vibrating.

“Here, this is what I’ve been working on, it’s for you- for us to come to whenever we want,” you word vomited.

Ben looked at you with furrowed brows as you gestured to the handle, encouraging him to open the door. As he did, you clapped your hands together, hoping- praying he likes this place.

Inside was the abandoned classroom you had found when you went looking for the Slytherin Prefect one day, it was dusty and filled with magical creatures that began to make their home there but now, now it was filled with a brown couch, a small bed, a brown desk, some books, a record player and vinyl, a calligraphy set, and a plethora of other, much smaller details.

When you first began to rearrange this space for the two of you, you made a deal with some of the magical beings: you would never take away their home and made a deal to share the space, even making them all small nests throughout the room, one special one filled with a small family of bowtruckles. You earned their trust by offering them some woodlice and a never ending pile of it for them.

When Ben walked into the space, his eyes darted so fast around, trying to absorb each and every detail, every piece of you that you offered to share from the muggle world with him, and the bits of him that were around, decorations you had sought to placate some of his interests like the calligraphy set- something he mentioned was a minor hobby of his since childhood.

His heart swelled with emotions- so much you have given him and he felt he has done nothing in comparison, that you are the very sunshine that peaks through the leaves on a sunny day. Tears began to well in his eyes over this grand gesture of yours.

And so, you two spent every available free time in that room, The Attic. This place truly felt like a home away from home for you both.

Ben, one of the best spell masters you knew, casted an undetectable expansion charm on a pair of satchels so you could bring stuff from home to this space, but being careful not to bring anything much too large.

You wouldn’t tell him how you managed to sneak a whole couch and bed in there, there could be a few innocent secrets between you both.

He took another turn to look around the new room for you both, letting his large hand leave featherlight touches on the items you had decorated the room in, the muggle records being his favorite- so much he didn’t know about that world. Your world. The one outside everything magical, everything he was constantly surrounded by.

“Th- thank you, Starlight.”

“Anything for you,” you smiled.

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evansfm · 3 years

Text

𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒖𝒑 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 .

when she woke the first time , she thought she was caught in a dream . sometime after midnight , but not yet before sunrise , evan woke from the most peaceful sleep to the sound of rain pattering against her window and steady breathing of the boy next to her . his arm wrapped around her waist , keeping her close even when he wasn’t awake . kieran slept curled around her , skin warm against her own and curls a mess . it took her moment to catch up , but when she did , she could feel her heart beginning to race .

evan shifted just barely , careful not to wake him up , as she took in the room around them . silver moonlight drenched her bedroom , casting shadows over walls covered in photos or posters and discarded articles of clothing at the foot of her bed . it was the same old bedroom , but everything felt different . . . because when she shifted under kieran’s grasp , he didn’t disappear . she didn’t wake for a second time to a room that was lonely and cold . instead , when she turned into him , she was met with flushed cheeks and faded freckles . his lashes fluttered ; he was DREAMING . . . she wondered if she ever showed up in his dreams , the way he did in hers every other night .

it wasn’t meant to be a big thing . in fact , it seemed to be the ripple effect of a bad week and a long time of swallowing the feeling that MAYBE they could be more than JUST friends . an impulsive decision . a distraction . a plaster over a deep cut . she’d call it a number of things , but never an accident . never a mistake . how could it be ? evan’s gaze flickered over his features , a careful study before reaching out with the feathered touch of her index finger to brush a stray curl from his forehead .

no . no this was certainly not a mistake .

a smile toyed at the corners of her mouth as he stirred , crease forming between his brows and low grumble rumbling from his chest . she let her hand fall from his face into the dwindling space between them .

“ you’re staring , ” his voice was low , causing her stomach to turn twice over , but his eyes stayed shut .

“ no . ”

“ yes , ” he said . the arm slumped around her waist curled to pull her closer as she shook her head , and he only opened his eyes once the tip of her nose brushed his , “ go back to sleep . ”

“ you first , ” evan said softly with a light nudge .

“ i can’t with you STARING at me . ”

“ you’re just so cute when you’re dreaming . ”

“ cute , ” he practically scoffed at the word , but soon after his expression fell back into sleepy contentment , “ and when i’m awake ? ”

evan’s lips warmed into a smile , but instead of answering , she tilted her chin upwards and allowed her lips to brush over his as she repeated his words , “ go back to sleep . ”

and then he kissed her . or she kissed him . she was too deliriously happy to remember who leaned in that time . all she remembered was the taste of him warm on her lips and the steady sound of his heartbeat lulling her back to sleep .

when she woke for the second time , she knew she wasn’t dreaming . searing morning light burned through her window . the clouds had cleared to make way for sunshine , but she was cold . . . and she didn’t need to open her eyes to feel his absence . pushing herself up , comforter still tucked under her arms , she rubbed at her eyes and hoped that maybe when she opened them , he’d be there sitting on the floor at the end of her bed with that tattered old notebook . or maybe , he’d be at the edge of her room , pulling a faded stone roses shirt over his shoulders .

she tried not to get dizzy with disappointment when she opened her eyes to an empty bedroom .

the clothes she’d pulled off of him and tossed aside were gone , and the table next to his side of the bed was empty . there was no trace of his presence other than the new feeling of something slipping through her fingers left burning at her hands . she tried to rationalize it . . . maybe the night before really HAD been a dream . . . maybe he was just downstairs with beck . . . the longer she thought about it , the sicker she began to feel , so she threw off her covers and pushed herself out of bed .

it wasn’t a mistake .

not to her .

but what if , she thought as she pulled a jumper big enough to drown in over her head , it was a mistake for him . what if he’d woken with a start when he realized that there was someone sleeping next to him ? what if he fled the moment he realized it was her ? evan tiptoed to her bathroom , twisting her hair into a long braid down her back and splashing water on her face .

when she stepped into the hallway , she paused to listen . . . but the only two voices she could make out were beck and her mother . beck , an early riser , and her mother , probably just getting home from an overnight shift . no kieran .

no kieran .

because maybe it i a mistake .

it hadn’t felt like it until then . even when they both mentioned , fleetingly and without any heart , that it might be a bad idea , it hadn’t felt like a mistake . because kissing kieran for the first time was like finally coming up for air after drowning in quiet wondering for years . being with him lit her up all over , and she could still feel the warmth of his touch lingering on her skin . it was like for the first time , they weren’t holding ANYTHING back . for the first time she realized , with full clarity , that before she was anyone else’s , she was his . her heart was his . and maybe she would’ve been ready to give it to him .

if she hadn’t woken up to an empty bed .

“ you’re up early , ” her mother hummed as evan padded into the kitchen .

“ you two loud mout's bangin’ around woke me up , ” she said , putting on a happy face as though she wasn’t SPIRALING on the inside . walking across the kitchen , she swiped a piece of bacon from beck’s plate , just barely dodging his fork jabbing at her hand .

“ shame . you need t'e beauty sleep , ” he said , keeping an eye on her . that was the caveat of being a twin ; he always knew when something was off .

“ ‘nd so do i , ” their mother yawned , setting an empty mug in the sink before turning to them , “ oh , by t’e way , was someone over last night ? front door was unlocked when i came home . ”

evan’s stomach sank . any other time she would’ve told them it was just kieran , leaving a bit early , but she didn’t want any questions . because she didn’t have the answers .

“ t’at was probably me . i might’ve forgotten to lock it when i got home , ” she said quickly , brushing it off as though it was nothing .

“ evie , t’at is a good way to get stolen . ”

she shrugged , “ they’d return me wit’in the hour ‘nd come back for boy genius over ‘ere . ”

“ i’d expect a full search party to be underway by noon , ” beck nodded . their mother laughed before disappearing upstairs . the kitchen went back to quite morning sounds –– water running , forks scraping plates , the quite hum of the radio –– until the shower upstairs began to run and beck spoke again , “ ma’s never cared ‘bout kieran staying over before . ”

silverware clattered in the sink , and evan braced her hands on either side of the basin filled with bubbles and warm water , “ how’d you know kieran was here last night ? ”

“ woke up around the same time he was running out . ”

running . maybe it was a mistake .

“ what makes t’is time different , ev ? ”

her fingers tapped on the countertop . she didn’t want to talk about it . especially after having woken up to kieran being GONE . if she told beck , she’d have to keep thinking about it . if she kept thinking about it , she’d make herself sick .

“ not’ing . i just , ehm , ” she shifted ; there were about three people in the world she couldn’t lie to very well . one she’d already brushed off that morning . one she would be lying about . and then beck , “ we –– he stayed last night . might’ve fucked up ‘nd crossed a line into more t’an friends territory . ”

“ fucking finally , ” beck said , and when she turned , he was grinning . excited to be right . excited to see her happy , “ it’s about bloody time t’e two of you talked ab–– ”

“ we didn’t talk . ”

“ oh . ”

“ and when i woke up t’is morning , he was gone , so . . . , ” she turned to face her brother , throat suddenly feeling tighter as a pinching sting began behind her eyes , “ didn’t wake me up to say goodbye . didn’t leave a note . just . . . left . ”

“ oh . ”

“ yeah . oh . ”

“ i’m sure t’ere was a reason for it , y’know . kieran’s not t’at kind’f–– ”

“ it’s fine , ” she shut it down before beck could even go into brother - mode . she didn’t want to talk about it . she didn’t want to think about it . she wanted to go upstairs and scrub her skin clean of kieran . so she pushed herself away from the counter and gave her most convincing shrug –– even though it wouldn’t fool him , “ it was just a one time t’ing . a mistake . i made a mistake . i’ll tell ‘im t’at when i see ‘im next , and we won’t have to talk about it again . ”

#𝓮𝓿𝓪𝓷 + kieran .#ur welcome for this

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justloosecannons · 3 years

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Pancakes/ Jake ft. Eden

when: at some point in the most recent past im late uploading this my beeee Early March where: cherry bomb diner mentions: n/a description: a meetup between the two over breakfast trigger warnings: general food related triggers, mentions of nsfw related activities @partialhearts

Jake:

he had tugged on a shirt purchased by her hands - wanting her to feel something for him - anything. flowers that were hand picked the day before, had begun to brown, but, he brought them all the same. sliding into the booth, he laid the flowers next to him - out of view as he waited. subconsciously, his finger picked and scratched at the top of his hand as nervous chaotically thundered through his frame.

Eden:

she was tired, but she was hoping a few cups of coffee would do her some good. she smiles when she sees jake, and he looks just as handsome as ever -- well rested. she wonders where he's been lately, what he's been doing and who he's been doing it with. he doesn't come out anymore. "hey you -" she smiles, slipping into the seat opposite him.

Jake:

his smile only widened the second her heard her voice, heart thumping chaotically beneath his bones - the way that it always seemed to whenever eden was this close. “hey!” his voice cracked, quickly clearing it in an effort to mask it. “i already ordered you usual. hope that’s okay.”

Eden:

she drums her fingers against the table and nods, trying to stay casual around jake. it was hard to be normal around him most of the time. when they were at parties it was fine, because they could blame it on the alcohol, but now? she had to do this completely sober. "oh no, that's perfect. thanks jake."

Jake:

“they should be bringing a bowl of fruit soon too..... extra strawberries.” his lips curved up at the edges as almost on time, the bowl was slid between them. without hesitation, he popped a grape between his lips. “how’s your day?”

Eden:

"i mean it's 10 so it's barely started yet." she says with a smirk, popping a piece of fruit between her lips. "you look good, are you doing something new with your hair? i never see you out anymore."

Jake:

“uh - well, i cut it a little. nothing like when i was 17 and went for the buzz - but, just because i know i’ll be surfing a lot with the weather, didn’t want hair in my face.” he shook his head to show off the way his curls bounced, a smile tugged at his lips. “i got you something.”

Eden:

she ignores the way her stomach feels when she watches his hair bounce, knowing that would just lead her down a dangerous path. "you did? what you get me?" she beams, surprised he's even making that kind of effort

Jake:

“well, it’s two parts. one now, one when you leave.” he hummed, reaching over to scoop up the flowers he had hand picked the day before. “they’re a little dead, i.... saw them yesterday, wanted you to have them.” he reached out to set them before her. “probably just need water.”

Eden:

a guilt washes over her, he was buying her flowers while she was doing god knows what with someone else. she looks stunned as she takes them, forcing a nervous smile onto her face. "oh -- they're beautiful. i don't -- what did i do to deserve these?"

Jake:

he simply shakes his head, lips cocked into the smallest grin over her reaction. “i just saw them... i don’t know what kind they are... you were always better at that than me, but they looked like eden flowers. like they belonged to you without even knowing you.”

Eden:

she feels it coming, the tears forming in her eyes, but she doesn't let them fall, they just sit in her ducts like big, threatening blobs of sadness. she misses him, she loves him, but she cannot have him -- she cannot have this. he hurts her, but like a moth to a flame, she is constantly drawn to his fire. "i love them, thank you." she says, turning to smile at him before taking a sip of her coffee.

Jake:

“i hope you can kind of nurse them back to health - i didnt really know what to do with them last night.” he chuckles softly, his hand rubbing nervously at the back of his neck. really, that’s what eden did - she took in broken things, and somehow - made them into something better. she had done it with him, he had just seemingly fallen apart with the fear of what that meant. “i read about this big volunteer thing at the great barrier reef they’re trying to set up next year. you think you’ll get to do that?”

Eden:

she examines the flowers, "i have some feed at home, i think if i trim the ends i should be able to nurse them back to health." she smiles, feeling incredibly guilty that she had not been able to take them yesterday. "i might do, i think it would be nice to sign up."

Jake:

truth be told, jake had always kept an eye on things that seemed like they would be up her alley. when they were dating, he had often volunteered to do a lot of it with her. “just sounded like it had eden james written all over it.” his smile raising at the edges as his eyes took in each of her features, completely in love. “i could help you fundraise. if you needed to..”

Eden:

"yeah...." she feels distant, holding jake back in order to protect herself. she should, shouldn't she? he's done nothing but hurt her. "as friends." eden adds, feeling her throat tighten.

Jake:

the words carry an unforeseen weight, slamming right into his chest in an effort to crack every inch of his heart he had left. instead of answering, he only nods - fearing the stinging he feels as his throat tightens up. luckily, pancakes are slid in front of him, and he doesn’t push his luck by saying anything further, instead cutting into them, averting his eyes.

Eden:

she doesn't want this distance between her and jake, it's not what she wants, not really. eden wants to be close to him, to be loved by him, to walk hand and hand with him on the beach, but she knows, she knows that jake hurts her, and she's been hurt too many times now. "how are your pancakes?" she smiles, hoping to shift the conversation.

Jake:

to say that it had been easy to cope and handle life without eden in the way he had her before - would’ve been a lot. he was self destructive, combative, and broken hearted. there was a hole in his chest and he had simply given up on trying to fill it - it was edens spot. no one else would fit. “the best. always reminds me why we come here.”

Eden:

she smiles when the tension is alleviated, thankful that her and jake can talk without making the situation weird. she doesn't want to know about what girls he's fucking right now, there's always someone, and it always hurts to see. eden loves him more than she could ever love anyone, and that was that. "i haven't been here in a while, if i'm honest."

Jake:

he could feel the confines of his chest start to spiral and the small marks in his skin, covered by jeans, but tender all the same. there was a panic. one he couldn’t tell eden about? because it was far too much, and she looked so good. he had been told she was happy, and he had really never ranted anything more. “oh yeah? i come here every sunday.” he shrugs, knowing it was one of the only pieces of her he had left.

Eden:

"i guess i just haven't had much time." she whispers, sensing the change in shift when jake's mood changes. "i've been wrapped up in work, i'm trying to focus on that lately."

Jake:

his heart rate seemed to pick up speed at the mention of not having enough time, his mind immediately wandering off - only tethered when she mentions work. “yeah? been busy with it?” he tips his head to the side, desperately trying to be the best version of himself.

Eden:

she's not cruel enough to divulge into what she's been doing, she's careful, unlike jake was. she doesn't want him to hurt the way she did when she had to watch him with other girls, making out with them in front of her. "pretty much. i think i wanna get out of the aquarium."

Jake:

nights were long, filled with replaying every mistake he made with her on a big screen in his mind - leaving himself empty and guilty. never able to sleep without the lone stuffed animal she had forgotten, even when he was with people - it was a temporary fix to a long term problem that he couldn’t fix. “why’s that?” he rasped, tipping his head to the side.

Eden:

“i just think i might do better out there, you know? doing some actual rescuing. i love teaching kids about the coral reef, i do - and all that. and i love taking care of the animals we have. i just think, i’d feel more purpose if i was out there doing something.” she shrugs, pushing her plate aside.

Jake:

he nods, well aware that eden was destined to change the world, and he found himself more and more proud of her daily. “well, whatever you do - it’ll be amazing.” he promises, pulling his wallet from his pocket. when he opens it and a polaroid of her falls out, he’s quick to scoop it up and slide it back in its place.

Eden:

she spots the picture falling from his wallet, and it's only on the floor for a moment, so she can't quite make out who it is, or what it is. if she asks, it might make things awkward, it could be her -- but if it isn't? she gives jake a bright smile and bottles down her feelings once more. "i think it'd be good if i did go, some time away."

Jake:

the idea of not seeing eden again for an undetermined amount of time, makes everything in his body hurt in a way that he wasn’t really expecting. clenching his jaw, he nodded, finally forcing his eyes up in her direction. “i... have one more more thing for you i just... would it be alright if you didn’t... look at it until i was out of view?”

Eden:

it's hard for her to accept gifts from jake, she doesn't know what this means, or what taking things from him might mean to him. she's scared, scared because being close to jake left her vulnerable, and she's been vulnerable to jake since she was 18. when she was away at college, it was easier to not think of these things, but here he was. "i can....sure." she smiles weakly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Jake:

it’s not something he’s spent money on, but rather something he’s grown accustomed to do. at any point if he sees anything that reminds him of her, he scribbles exactly what he’s thinking. nodding slowly, he takes a moment of silence to let his eyes flicker over her features. loving eden was everything. and regret would always weigh in his chest like an anvil. “here every sunday. just in case.” and with that, he slid the paint sample face down and slid it over to her.

Eden:

why does he do this to her? she wonders to herself with a heavy heart that somehow she may never be free of what this is she has with jake. does he love her just because of how easy it is for her to give in to him? because she's always there? what would happen if she just stopped, what if she stopped answering? would he still love her then? is this even love? or is it just comfort? she holds her hand over the note and smiles sadly at him, "every sunday."

Jake:

its all he needs to hear - that hes hear, and that he will keep coming here. its the only pillar of consistency that he has. mistakes dont even cover what he regrets - losing eden had been a wake up call. she had been nothing but good to him, and he had messed it up based off previous peoples actions, pissing away the only form of happiness he had ever know. nodding slowly, he offered her the smallest smile before dropping cash onto the table for the waitress, and just like that - he was gone.

Eden:

she watches him leave and he takes a vital piece of her with him. when he's gone, she finally looks at the gift he has left her and she feels empty -- this is how jake makes her feel. he gives, and he makes promises, he gives her pieces of hope and then he tears them away. he doesn't realise he's being cruel, she doesn't want crumbs, she wants him to be a man.

#jake ft. eden #jp.

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prettywordsyouleft · 5 years

Text

Past And Present (Choose What I Write Story)

Summary: you believed that you had met your soulmate as a child but you had been wrong.

Pairing: Park Jinyoung x reader (ft Im Jaebum)

Genre: soulmate au / university au

Trope: enemies to lovers

Warnings: none

A/N: Well, he’s done it again. This time it was intentional though! For the longest moment during the voting period, it was a battle royale between the JJP boys and Jinyoung just cinched it in the last day. So I decided to add in Jaebum to help bring an obstacle to this storyline. Originally, like most of my Jinyoung stories, the plan was much simpler than this. Of course, you throw in a supercharged Park Jinyoung who hasn’t had a story written for him in over a month and a soulmate au on top and well, this is a bit of a lengthy piece than what I had hoped for!

I also was a little concerned about writing another soulmate au with Jinyoung after Destined, but this world is far different than the one in my first soulmate attempt, so hopefully it won’t feel like something you’ve read before.

Word count: 5869

You were certain you had known who your soulmate was for your entire life.

Im Jaebum had been your first friend as a child and when you touched for the first time, the gasp that left you both had your parents rejoicing.

Just like that, you had met your destined partner.

With that title between you and Jaebum established, you continued your childhood at each other’s sides and moved easily into teenage years where exploration further enhanced your connection. It was an effortless relationship, with every touch, kiss or stare, you each felt cherished, overwhelmed, connected.

And that was why when you both got into different universities as young adults, neither of you were phased about the separation.

Of course, you voiced how hard it would be living so far apart when you were used to being only five minutes away from each other. But you had prepared for the lack of physical stimulation from Jaebum, with scheduled video chats and using other technological advances to make the distance work.

On a deeper level though, you trusted your connection.

Nothing had disturbed it yet. And you had believed nothing ever could. Your life was set. After university, you would marry Jaebum, move in together, have a couple of kids and live out your predestined lives together. The guesswork had been completely taken out of your hands.

So why was your life in chaos ever since you met Park Jinyoung?

At first, you were hopeful that seeing him in all your classes would help you settle into tertiary life with a common link. Perhaps, that was your first mistake. It wasn’t as if Jinyoung was unfriendly either, he had a similar thought process as you, taking a seat next to you in all your shared classes for the first week of your semester.

And that was when it all began. You hadn’t ever experienced being irked by someone as much as you were by him. Jinyoung was just as smart as you, rivalling you in answers and provoking endless debate. You could have dealt with this if he wasn’t so egotistical in his approach whenever he beat you, his smug smile causing you to seethe instantly. You were no longer comrades taking the same papers, yet he refused to let up about sitting next to you.

Jinyoung had figured out your buttons early on, purposely winding you up at any chance he got. And when he wasn’t focused on annoying you, it gave you too much time to sit and anticipate his next move. Some days, he would leave you alone entirely, aware that he still had your full attention. It was those days where you realised that every little action he made could bother you. His breathing, the way his hand would run through his hair, his laughter, everything was capable of spiralling you into a state.

You tried to separate from him, of course. Once you established that he was a major distraction to your degree, you took active steps to avoid him. It wasn’t easy, given every day was full of hours spent in the same lecture halls, tutorial classes and library spaces, but you made a solid effort to ignore his existence as best as you could.

Yet, this bothered him greatly.

“Why aren’t we sitting in our normal row today, Y/N?” he asked as he sat down beside you, blinking all too innocently for someone who could read your emotions well. The ghost of a smirk was tugging at the corners of his lips and you rolled your eyes, reaching to pick up your supplies to move seats. Jinyoung’s hand came down on yours to stop you and you gaped at him incredulously. He merely pouted. “I’m offended.”

“I sat here to actually get some work done.”

Jinyoung nodded. “What’s holding you back from doing so?”

A thousand curse words and snappy statements flooded your mind in response; instead, you smiled forcibly at him. “Surely, you could befriend someone else.”

“I have friends,” he agreed casually, shrugging a little as if having a vast amount of friendships was normal for everyone. Jinyoung then stared at you, eyes alive with amusement. “But none of them react as well as you do to me.”

“Honestly!” you breathed and a couple of groups around you both glanced in your direction. Feeling your cheeks redden as Jinyoung positively glowed from your outburst, you slumped back down into your chair, resolute on ignoring him for the next fifty minutes.

Jinyoung was having none of that.

He bounced his leg consistently until you shot him a warning look and then he started with his little sighs, each one sounding louder in your ears than the last. You reached to pinch his arm in protest and he gaped at your assault, acting as if you had gravely injured him. He decided instead of moving away from you that he would shift even closer on his seat, pressing right into your side.

You threw your pen down in defeat. It was impossible to get anything done with him playing dirty like this.

When class ended, you spun to face him, Jinyoung now smiling triumphantly at you. “Yes, Y/N?”

“I’m done with you.”

“Are you really?”

You nodded firmly. “Why can’t you leave me alone?!”

“Now where’s the fun in that?” he asked, standing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder before leaning down into your face. “It’s not my fault you’re incredibly easy to make this flustered.”

“Flustered?!” you repeated an octave higher, shaking your head. “I am not flustered!”

“Really? Then how come your cheeks are so pink, hm?” Jinyoung reached out to poke one before a soft chuckle left him. “The colour suits you.”

“Park Jinyoung, you are positively the most annoying human to ever exist!”

He grinned, stepping away from you into the aisle of the emptying lecture hall. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Over the next few weeks, you suffered at the hands of his insistent behaviour. You grew increasingly frustrated, wondering why he was being like this with you.

You regretted the day you had openly reached out to befriend him.

“And so today, he overheard me telling my friend Nora that I planned on having sushi for lunch and when I went to the cafeteria and fell in line behind him, he purposely took the last tray of sushi when he never eats it. He always has one of the sandwich packs so he can study at the same time as he eats!”

“Maybe he was feeling like sushi today?” Jaebum offered over your video chat but you shook your head immediately.

“No, he did it to spite me.”

“I’m sure you’re reading into this too much, Y/N. The guy probably doesn’t have anything to bother himself over you about. Maybe he’s just messing around with you because you are easy to rile up.”

“You too?!” you cried and Jaebum chuckled. “No, I’m not easy game! And even if I were, I’ve asked him to leave me alone, so shouldn’t he?”

“Well, what have you exactly said to him?” Jaebum became thoughtful for a moment. “You have told him you’ve met your soulmate already, right?”

“No,” you answered, wondering why it was needed to do so. You didn’t view Jinyoung in a romantic light in the slightest. Even considering it for a mere second made you shudder. “I don’t share my personal life with him.”

“Maybe he likes you.”

You smirked, readjusting your laptop. “Just because to you I’m irresistible, doesn’t mean everyone thinks the same way. Jinyoung is just annoying me because he is an asshole.”

“Don’t you remember when Jackson wouldn’t leave Glynnis alone in middle school? He annoyed her until she screamed at him in front of everyone in class.”

You thought back to the time, smiling lightly. “He blurted out he was in love with her and made her cry from embarrassment.”

“Jinyoung could be doing the same thing.”

Trying to compare your situation with the juvenile one of your past, you shook your head. “He’s an adult now Jae, surely he would know there are better ways to approach someone if he felt that way.”

“You never know. If you state it to him that I exist, he might stop.”

“Maybe,” you replied, still in thought. And then you glanced back at the video representation of your boyfriend and pouted. “Doesn’t any of this bother you?”

“No, why should it? You’re capable of solving this issue yourself and I’m not threatened if he does like you. I know you only have eyes for me.”

You grinned, nodding happily. “Of course, you’re my forever.”

Deciding to put Jaebum’s advice into action, you attempted to throw it out that you were in a relationship with your soulmate more than once but it never quite eventuated. Either Jinyoung would steer the conversation away or you would be disrupted by something around you. At night, you would consider new options on how to tell him, chiding yourself for holding back from doing so when you could have just pushed forth. Once he knew you were in a relationship, hopefully, he would step back and give you some space.

It was three weeks later when you both had hired a study room to escape the noise of the main library floor to get some actual work done that you finally announced it. You were both silent for most of the first hour, and for once, Jinyoung was more involved in preparing for your upcoming exams instead of harassing you. It was a perfect opportunity and yet you stalled for twenty minutes, trying to word it right within your head.

Jinyoung sighed heavily. “What is it?”

“Do you believe in soulmates?” you wondered and he didn’t look up from his laptop, his tapping on the keys persistent.

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“Have you met yours?” you continued and finally his hands slowed down, now hovering over the keys without any direction to keep moving. Jinyoung blinked slowly and you leaned over the table unconsciously. “Whether through dreams or in person?”

Whilst you hadn’t dreamt of Jaebum, you had always believed you never needed to since you met him at an early age. Most other people dreamed of who they were destined to before they met them and suddenly you were curious if Jinyoung had or not. Maybe you could help him find his soulmate so he could leave you alone.

When he looked up at you, his eyes were darker, swirling with several emotions. You were taken aback, jumping and hitting into the back of your seat in the process. “What if I have?”

“You have?!” you asked, eyes widening. “Really?!”

“Does it matter if I have or not?” He went back to typing, albeit at a slower rate.

“Well, not to me it doesn’t I guess.” You weren’t sure why his vague answer troubled you so much. You almost didn’t say the next part in your thought process, and when you did, it came out weaker than you intended. “I have.”

Jinyoung tilted his head but didn’t otherwise respond. It irked you. “Did you hear me?”

“You have what?”

“I know who my soulmate is,” you told him and Jinyoung glanced back up you, his eyes now hesitant. You searched his vulnerable expression for a moment, blinking rapidly when you felt your heart thumping in your chest harder. “I uh, I’ve known my soulmate since I was a child. We don’t go to school together but we’re very much a couple.”

No response.

You watched Jinyoung until your cheeks were burning with embarrassment, wondering why you had even listened to Jaebum in the first place. Jinyoung hadn’t reacted how you expected him to and you felt increasingly uncomfortable.

Just when you thought he was going to ignore you entirely, his head snapped up, a smile that you had never seen before now greeting you. You didn’t have enough time to examine it as his next words distracted you. “I didn’t know we were that close to share personal details like that, Y/N.”

“Oh, well uh-”

Jinyoung scraped back his chair, still smiling yet the force of shutting his laptop conflicted the cheerful gesture exhibiting on his lips. “I’m done studying today, you can have the rest of the time to yourself.”

You watched him leave and it hit you then, the fakeness of his response. His eyes had said otherwise.

He very much so cared.

Jinyoung was bitter from your announcement. And instead of giving you immediate relief, his reaction only troubled you further.

Why did you feel like you had broken him?

You snapped up with a jolt, breathing heavily as you attempted to shake away the dream. You had found yourself standing outside the same unfamiliar home you always dreamed of, seeing the back profile of a man who you had never been able to distinguish. Desperation overwhelmed you still; just as much as you wished to reach out for him in your dreams, now back within reality, you craved to know who this man was. For some time, you had been convinced it was Jaebum with how much you felt a need to be around the mysterious person. You did eventually realise his figure was different than your boyfriend’s and it puzzled you that you wouldn’t ever dream of anything but this one person.

Everyone believed dreams were the gateway to your past life’s connection to your soulmate, so it always bothered you when Jaebum wouldn’t turn around and face you within this alternate reality.

Reaching out for your bottle of water on your nightstand, you unscrewed the lid and gulped down a couple of mouthfuls, your eyes still searching the darkness surrounding you for clues. You knew the dream world wouldn’t be waiting behind your eyelids again, no matter how much you would try to force yourself back to that house, to that view; it was never in your control.

You were comfortable with knowing your destiny wasn’t fully within your hands, but you also required clarity in your life. Whenever the path looked unclear, you would dream of this other lifetime, never finding out anything further than what was shown to you.

And ever since you had told Jinyoung about Jaebum, the dream had reoccurred every night for the past twelve days.

Which was the same amount of time that Jinyoung had disappeared from your world.

You had rejoiced initially. The one thing you had always hoped for was just this, freedom from his teasing, space from his close proximity and yet you didn’t appreciate this feeling at all. Your eyes sought him out across the room longingly some days, watching his back view often. It felt too familiar to you, something you had seen so often within another world.

Tonight you were slowly starting to entertain something conflicting.

Why would it be Jinyoung in your dreams? He had no place in there and you laughed incredulously, as if the sound could dislodge your disillusioned thought process. What would your past self have to do with Jinyoung? Jaebum was your soulmate. You had the feelings, the connection, everything you were meant to. With Jinyoung, you had merely frustration. You had touched him before and there had been no sudden revelation of feelings to overwhelm you with.

Before you placed too much weight in it, you picked up your phone, letting it ring until a sleep-filled voice mumbled in answer. “Hello?”

“You dream of me, right?” you pleaded, chewing on your lip in anxious anticipation.

“Y/N it’s four in the morning, why are you calling me about dreams?”

“Just answer it. I’m in your dreams right?”

Jaebum paused, evidently wiping the sleep away from his face with the sigh that sounded into the receiver. He didn’t answer right away, and you blinked back your emotions. Why was it so hard to respond? If you weren’t dreaming of Jaebum, you would feel at ease knowing he dreamt of you instead. His silence was confirming suspicions that had been growing underneath your relationship for some time.

“You don’t?” you whispered and Jaebum groaned.

“Y/N, why are you getting hung up on dreams?” he wondered but even Jaebum knew that dreams meant something to one’s soul. The lifeline of your past had brought you to this point.

You existed and so did your past. It was an intertwining bond of past and present that shaped your destiny. Being ‘hung up’ over dreams was kind of expected.

“You really don’t?”

Jaebum sighed again. “I’ve never dreamt. Not once.”

The very next day, you walked across the lecture hall to where Jinyoung sat, his gaze widening when it connected with yours before he looked away to his textbook. When you didn’t move on, he let out a heavy breath, glancing back at you. “Can I help you with anything?”

Was he always this cold towards you? It made you blink rapidly whilst your chest panged with heartache, as if he had just attacked you physically. Breathing felt difficult and you placed your hands down on the top of the desk for support and to hopefully break free from the pain.

“I dream of you.”

Such a simple sentence to blurt out but the reaction from Jinyoung was instant. He looked as if all the air had been sucked out of him, his dark eyes unblinking as they bored back at you. At first, you saw fear. The hope that swirled within his panic. The multitude of emotions reached out for you one after the other, overwhelming you until you could no longer take it and you turned away, departing the class before it began.

For the rest of the day, you avoided the world. You hid in your dorm room, trying to decipher all that had happened in that moment. You connected it to the conversation you held with Jinyoung in the study room that day, linking the reactions as one and the same. You had been right; it bothered him greatly when you mentioned having a soulmate already. Your proclamation this morning only convinced you further that Jinyoung’s attention on you had more reason than that of a fellow student.

Did he dream of you as well? Of that quaint house you had never entered? Was it a home he had once lived in? You were riddled with questions, yet you ignored every message you received on your phone as well. You knew it was him. The incessant buzzing reminded you of his constant appearance at your side this year and eventually, you silenced your phone, throwing it down on your nightstand and yanked your covers over your head.

At some point, you fell asleep.

The house stood before you yet again, though this time, you saw him. Not within the house, no, you were there instead. Why had the angle changed? It was you who had the home, the fence behind you keeping Jinyoung out. He seemed so far away yet you could make out that gaze all too well. He was hurting and you couldn’t fathom why.

And then you heard someone calling for you, or at least, it felt as if it were a name you once went by. You turned to see Jaebum standing before you, pulling you within the home and shutting Jinyoung out behind the door.

When you sat up from this dream, you were breathing heavily, the tears streaming from your eyes effortlessly. You should have rejoiced, you had finally dreamed of Jaebum. Yet you felt a loss like no other. Even when your grandmother had passed away when you were a teenager, it hadn’t hurt this bad. You wanted to close your eyes again, to go back to the door and open it. You needed to see Jinyoung again. The gaze he held before Jaebum pulled you inside was haunting you now that you were awake. His pain felt like your own.

Somehow, you noticed the sudden glow in your room despite your eyes seeing a different world still. Blinking, you turned to pick up your phone, unlocking the device and reading the latest message from Jinyoung with a tremble.

I dream of you too.

Sitting across from Jinyoung the next day felt awkward. You gripped onto the burning hot mug within your hands and yet it was all you could think to do.

That and reach out for him. Strangely, all you had wanted since meeting up with him at the campus coffee house was just that. Part of it was juvenile. You wanted to see if you felt something this time touching him. But more so, you craved a comfort from him that you never expected to desire.

So you held the mug tightly, ignoring the warnings your fingers were sending to your brain about the heat and stared back at the dark haired man before you.

Silence had sat between you both for a good ten minutes before Jinyoung finally spoke up. “Since when?”

“When what?”

“Are you sure it’s me?”

You stared at him then, properly this time. There was no humour, not a playful smile in sight. Instead, he was scared. You knew you were as well, but noticing the emotion in his eyes made you wish to remove it. And that only frightened you further.

Blinking away your thoughts, you mumbled, “For as long as I can remember. And it’s you, I saw your front view for the first time last night.”

That dream continued to repeat over and over until the morning finally arrived, your mind and soul fatigued from such a constant workout. You noted the lack of quality of sleep within Jinyoung’s gaze too and it made you curious.

“When did you start dreaming of me?”

He shared a wistful smile. “When I was eight.”

“You remember a distinct age?”

“Well, of course,” he replied with a grin, easing you somewhat. “When I told my Mum I dreamed of some weird woman, she freaked out and made me tell her every detail. Then she explained to me what the dream meant.”

“What did she say?” you wondered, leaning forward, encouraging him to share more. Jinyoung’s ears flamed pink and you smirked. “What?!”

“She told me one day I would meet you and to record every dream I’ve had because you were my past and eventually would be my present and future.”

You slumped back in your chair immediately, cursing yourself for being eager. You willed your heart to slow down.

Finally, you found the courage to talk. “I have a soulmate, though.”

“Doesn’t everyone,” Jinyoung murmured, taking a sip of his coffee. He sighed softly. “My soulmate is in love with another man. History is repeating, huh?”

You glanced up then, eyebrows knitted together. “What?”

“Have you dreamed of much?” Jinyoung asked, posing himself within the chair, exuding confidence that only confirmed what you had assumed on your way here. Jinyoung had dreamt of you a great deal. And whilst you had as well of him, it had always been the same angle. What had he seen that you hadn’t? You stared at him for a moment, jealous that his connection with his dreams seemed stronger.

He smirked. “Unlike you, I’ve had years to wait for this opportunity. You weren’t even looking for me, so why would you dream in-depth?”

“How do you know what I have and haven’t dreamt of?”

“You face gave you away,” he admitted with a chuckle and you pouted at his teasing. It was nice though, to see him like that again and your childish reactions to it.

It didn’t last long, Jinyoung’s expression faltered, much like his mood. He still couldn’t slip back to before.

Back to when he thought you were his this time around.

You groaned with how confusing this all was. “What am I like in your dreams?”

“Someone who I missed the opportunity with in another life. We didn’t cross paths until it was too late. I chose to let you remain with the man you had married.”

Wait… married? Your mouth fell ajar as you tried to keep up to speed.

“My mother urged me to not let you slip away this time. If soulmates miss their opportunity in one lifetime, it can lead to complications in another. If they miss twice, they may never meet again in the future. At least, that’s what is written whenever I researched it.”

Of course, Park Jinyoung and sought out the knowledge of the phenomena unlike you.

Not that you had believed you had a reason to.

And what made you think you did now? Because you dreamed of him? Just because that happened didn’t mean your life had to change. You had been happy with Jaebum. You had always believed it was him. He was familiar, like a home.

You thought back to how he pulled you within the house in your dreams and you grabbed at your throbbing head. “It’s too much.”

“Is it?”

You glanced up then, the vulnerable way Jinyoung was staring at you catching your breath in your chest. He blinked back his own emotions, trying to smile. “Too much is dreaming of never being the chosen one. Too much is hearing from your own mouth that you’d known your soulmate since a child. I don’t know, Y/N. Was I truly destined to suffer so much over and over?”

Your world blurred then as the tears welled within your eyes. Had he really suffered that much? Since figuring it all out, the last two days had been a whirlwind of emotions you had never anticipated to experience.

Especially not with him.

For the first time, you doubted who Jaebum was to you. You even doubted who you were.

You didn’t want anyone to suffer. And yet, it seemed inevitable.

Exams were done with, and semester break had arrived. Heading home signalled a crossroads within your life. You would leave Jinyoung back in your schooling world and immerse yourself in the one you had once felt confident within.

You were nervous to see Jaebum, however.

Things had been somewhat strained since your phone call that night, with you now knowing that your soul had two men within its past journey and neither was a right or wrong. Jaebum hadn’t pressed the matter either, which upset you more than you had let on to him. You had hoped he could break you out of the funk you were in over Jinyoung. That he could say something to make you forget about all the dreams, the newfound feelings, the continued battle within you to spend more time with someone who wasn’t your boyfriend. At one point, you had considered Jinyoung an enemy! Now you considered too many things about him.

The solace you craved from being home again was short-lived. You met with friends, you laughed with family and you reminisced of the old times.

With Jaebum especially.

Sitting across from him in your family home felt strange now. At first, you had bounded up to his arrival at the door, smiling when you saw him and wrapped your arms around him as he hugged you back. You had hoped that hug would remove any niggling insecurities. It hadn’t, if anything, his embrace felt different. Not cold, because you could never imagine Jaebum to be that way with you. Yet there was no warmth like there once was.

The barrier between you was evident.

After catching up on school stuff, your conversation fell short, neither of you immediately addressing the elephant within the room until the silence became unbearable. Why was it hard to connect with him now?

“Are you still dreaming?” he finally asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Mm.”

“Have you seen who the man is in person at all?” Glancing up, you were surprised that Jaebum had asked the question at all. He was watching you intently, a sad smile crossing his lips. “You have, huh.”

One time, you had told Jaebum about your dream. Hoping that he had seen it himself and could shed light on what it meant. Now and then he would ask you about it, and in the past, you had assured him that you were none the wiser.

Had Jaebum known you weren’t his soulmate all this time?

“Is it him?”

“Who?”

“The guy who bothered you, is it him?” Jaebum continued and you nodded once, only listening to the sigh that left him as you were too ashamed to look up now. Even though you hadn’t done a thing, you felt as if you had cheated with Jinyoung. It was a precarious feeling, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

Jaebum didn’t respond for a while. You couldn’t speak of your thoughts either. Nothing made sense, and clarity remained out of reach.

And then he stood up. He smiled down at you, chuckled even. “I always wondered why I didn’t dream of you. Now I know why.”

“I wish it was you.”

“No, you should wish for your real soulmate.”

You shrugged. “I’m kind of over the whole concept, to be honest.”

“And we thought our teenage years were hard, huh?” he mentioned with a grin and you rolled your eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of your mouth all the same momentarily.

“What do we do, Jaebum?”

He reached out to rub the top of your arms, still smiling down at you. “Are you sure of him?”

“How can I be sure of anything? I’m with you.”

“Maybe you need to step back from me and find out who he is. I’ll always be in your life, perhaps just not as how we originally thought. Who knows, maybe I’ll start dreaming now too.”

And just like that, your first love had given you the sacrifice you would need to figure everything out.

When you returned to your dorm after your break, a package was waiting for you. Once settled in from your journey, you reached to open it, finding a plain notebook inside. There was no note from the sender, and you frowned before placing it down on your desk and taking a shower. When you returned, the puzzle of the book grappled at you until you flipped to the first page.

The handwriting was legible but definitely youthful. What it lacked in style was made up in the content. It felt as if you were reading some fantastical storyline about soulmates for the next several pages. You felt the years go by as the writing style changed, the neatness improving, and losing that story-telling charm. Some pages only had a few words on them. Others were longer, more time spent on the feelings experienced rather than the actual happenings.

By the time you reached the last entry in the journal, you felt as if you had ridden a rollercoaster and as you climbed off, you found you knew more about yourself through the eyes of someone else than you had ever expected to.

It made you leap up from your chair, hurriedly place on some extra clothing, and then head out into the brisk evening. You had an idea of where Jinyoung lived, but not the exact address and yet this didn’t deter you from making your way over there at all. After bumping into a fellow classmate, you found out the information you needed and went into a building, taking a few deep breaths outside of the door before you knocked on it.

When it opened, Jinyoung stared at you quietly, not inviting you in, nor greeting you at all. It made your cheeks flush with embarrassment, unsure now as to why you were standing here. The item you held tightly to your chest reminded you of your rushed emotions and you held it out towards him feebly. “I read your journal.”

Jinyoung still didn’t respond, eyes hard, searching yours for something.

You smiled weakly and rocked on your heels, thrusting it out towards him further. “Thank you for letting me read it.”

“Really? That’s all?” he wondered and you blinked, frowning slightly. “You’re thanking me for showing you the most personal thing in my life?”

“Well, I … I mean… can I come in?”

You glanced both ways down the hallway, feeling exposed. Jinyoung was still for a moment and then scoffed. “Do you really want to?”

You knew the added implication despite his response. That was his way of protecting his feelings, it always had been. Despite this, he was searching your eyes for a sign that he could let some of them show. Hope infiltrated his stare once more. You smiled and that was enough for him to grab a hold of you, pulling you inside his room.

And once the door was shut, he pressed you against it.

The swiftness of this new position winded you, though breathing became all too difficult to comprehend once Jinyoung’s lips met yours. They merely pressed into yours, connecting yet unmoving. Even with just the weight of his mouth on yours, a fire burned within you, unlike anything you had felt before. Every inch of your body felt as if it was alive, the colours around you both now vivid, blinding. His kiss began to build languidly, and within that moment, your eyes fluttered shut, still feeling, seeing and hearing too much. Stars rained down behind your eyes, and the hairs stood up upon your skin. You could hear his equally staggered breath, the hot air blowing out from his nose onto your cheek. The thumping of your own heart rivalled by his own and when you finally pulled away to catch your breath, your hands were now threaded through the ends of his silky hair, anchored there.

Jinyoung slowly smiled. “I can actually do this with you, right?”

“I wouldn’t have come to you if I couldn’t do this with a clear conscience.”

Somehow, his smile grew. And then you were tasting him again.

You didn’t rush. But as the weeks went by, you realised that the past that you had once lived, both in this lifetime and beyond that was definitely not your future.

It eased you when Jaebum messaged you telling you he had dreamed of someone as well. It was as if this whole puzzle had pieces that needed to be put in place before the next one could be discovered and placed down as well.

And there was still a whole lot of pieces to go. After all, you had so much to discover about Jinyoung. You hadn’t grown up with him, and over the months of getting to know him so far, well, you had kind of disliked him.

Perhaps your dislike towards him was because you couldn’t figure out why he bothered you so much. And even though you now had a reason behind his place in your life, he still was the same guy you had sworn was sent to drive you insane. Which Jinyoung had innate skill at doing, whether it was by getting your attention during class, or taking your breath away in endless kisses, he was always there right at your side.

And you knew in this lifetime, he always would be.

_________________

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m41z13m1n3cr4ft · 3 years

Text

damn shawty whoooaaaaaa

pairing?: tommyinnit and original enby oc. not romantic

genre: kinda fluffy, kinda comedy, a wee bit angsty with tommy

trigger warnings: tommy gets in his own thoughts and does a mini brain spiral, not too intense though and i dont think anything else happens so. :} but lemme know!

timeline may be off i ouuhguhgohg listen. im tryin my best BLSKDBF

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It was a hot summer’s day, the sun beating down on Bimbeez’s back. They’d traded their striped sweater and jeans for a white tank top and shorts, they’d been expecting to be working hard that day. Yesterday, Tommy and them had agreed that, despite how much they didn’t want to, they’d go grinding for wood the next day. And now there they both were, chopping and swinging away at the oak trees near the Pogtopia base.

It’d been a couple of hours already and while they both had gathered a significant amount of logs, they still had a long, long way to go. Tommy flopped down against one of the logs they’d yet to drag back to base. He ran a hand across his forehead, slick with sweat and grime. “Beez, we outta stop for a bit.” Bimbeez nodded silently, taking their place next to Tommy. “Too fuckin’ hot to be workin’ like this.”

“You got that right.” Bimbeez let out a groan, spreading their limbs out over the tree and through the soft grass. “Can’t believe we got stuck with this, this sucks.” They used the bottom of their tank top to wipe away the work from their face, hoping to get mostly clean. They took off their heart-shaped glasses, once again using the fabric of their shirt to wipe them clean. Their stark black eyes shimmered with the light reflected off the tinted shades, making the light on their face a bright pink.

“We should get someone else to do it for-” Tommy stopped, his mouth curling into a mischievous grin. “Beez, what if we kidnap someone to do it?”

“Tommy, that’s terrible!! No way.” They placed the glasses back onto their face, breaking into nervous laughter from his suggestion.

“No, c’mon Beez, listen! We’ll take someone, and use them to grind for wood! We’ll take their stuff hostage”

“Tommy, no! We aren’t kidnapping anyone. Plus, Wilbur would, like, kill us.”

“Pfft, what?? Beez, no he wouldn’t, Wil- He’d get it, he’d understand, right?” Tommy tried to stop the peels of laughter that poured from his mouth. He’d turned to Bimbeez at this point and was nudging their arm.

“No he wouldn’t, dude! He wants you to lay low, you’re exiled.” They huffed along playfully. Their tone grew more serious, though. “I mean, if Schlatt found out you’d kidnapped a L’ma- … Manbergian citizen, then…”

Tommy rolled his eyes, clearly NOT having it. “Beez, Schlatt’s a bitch, alright? He- he couldn’t take us if he tried.” He struggled to get the words out, too excited about his new idea.

“Tommy I’m not kidnapping someone with you, I’d be killed.” They shook their head and rested back against the log. The fatigue of their afternoon was starting to settle in their limbs, though, and the idea of someone else taking over for them sounded pretty appealing… No, they decided, it wouldn’t happen. One, there was no way it would work, and two, Schlatt finding out about their involvement would mean exile, or worse. They couldn’t risk it.

Tommy had continued blabbing about his hostage plan when Bimbeez noticed something far off in the woods. They leaned forward, squinted, tried to make out the figure, and they gasped. “TOMMY look!!” Their yell turned quickly to a harsh whisper, as to not scare away the figure. They pointed over to it and bounced where they sat. “It’s a caaat!! Yooo it’s a calico she’s so pretty holy shit.” They spoke quicker, starting to flap their hands.

Tommy, excited now by Bimbeez enthusiasm, also started to flap along with them, beaming. Finally, something fun to do. “Ohhh shit!! Wait, you got fish on you, right?”

“Uhhh. No.” Beez grimaced, thinking. “Wait okay. Okay. Keep an eye on her, okay? I’ll be right back-” They sprang up and started towards the river near the base. Hopefully, they’d find a salmon in there and bring it to the cat. Tommy didn’t even get the chance to object before they were already jumping into the river, their squeals and laughter heard all the way from where Tommy sat. Well, so much for doing something fun.

He sat restlessly, staring hard at the cat sitting so far away. Everytime she moved he tensed himself, ready to get up and give chase, but she never moved. He overheard the splashing of Beez in the river, and their occasional cry of frustration as they worked to catch some fish. Whatever…

He thought back to what Bimbeez had said before. About Schlatt. He guessed he was lucky to have loyal friends like Tubbo and Bimbeez, friends who’d go against the President’s wishes just to spend some time together. But something felt wrong, really wrong. They were endangering themselves. For him. Well, also for Techno and Wilbur, but they weren’t really around whenever Tubbo, Beez and him went on “adventures.” Bimbeez even said they were kinda glad that Wilbur and Techno weren’t there to bother them while they worked, something he hadn’t noted at first. What if something happened to them? Because of him? He hugged his legs close to his chest, bouncing a foot against the ground. The cat still hadn’t moved. He wondered as to how she’d gotten all the way out here. Unless there was a village or a swamp nearby, there was no reason the cat should be out in an oak forest…. Maybe she was all alone. She’d gotten lost, she’d gotten… shunned away. Maybe she was like him. Exiled. Separated from their friends. Lonely. He sighed out, sprawling out against the wall. At least he had a family. The poor kitty had nothing. Or maybe he was wrong. Maybe it was just a kitty, who didn’t feel alone or upset or abandoned. He envied that mindset. If his thoughts would just stop racing like that…

“Tommy I’m back!!” Bimbeez stamped up to the blonde boy from behind, releasing a handful of slimy, still squirming fish into their original seat.

“DUDE WHAT THE FUCK DON’T TOUCH ME!! WHAT THE- THEY’RE SLIMY!!!” Tommy yelled, torn from his thoughts. Thank God for the distraction. Bimbeez hopped over to Tommy’s side of the long, grabbing one of the fish and spearing it with their sword. They continued this process, ensuring that all of the fish had stopped moving.

“Okay, here’s the plan. You sneak around behind the cat, and I try to take her from the front. You catch her if she tries to run off, got it?” Tommy nodded, a wide grin lined on his lips. “Cool cool! Here, take some of these.” They handed half the fish they’d caught to Tommy, who fake gagged as he took them. “Just in case she escapes.” Bimbeez stood up, crouched to a lower level. Tommy copied the action. Then silently, as if in some great escape, they creeped towards the cat.

Tommy made sure to diverge from Bimbeez’s path, crossing behind a tree and around another, until he was finally behind the cat. Beez was slowly making their way over to the kitty, a decapitated salmon held in their outstretched hands. They whispered and cooed to the cat, hoping to gain her trust. The cat stared at Bimbeez, wide-eyed. She looked ready to bound away at any moment. Bimbeez, once she was only a few feet away from the cat, set the fish down on the ground. “Here kitty, kitty, eat up.” Their voice was a couple octaves higher, they spoke to the cat as if she were a baby. The kitty, still suspicious, creeped a little closer to the fish. Beez looked up to Tommy, beaming proudly, and Tommy gave them a thumbs up back. The cat sniffed at the fish, took the tail into its mouth - and dashed away.

“GET HER!!” Tommy lept after the cat, his long legs aiding him in chasing the kitty. Bimbeez followed soon after. They bounded and weaved through tree roots and rocks and hilly structures, trying their best to keep the cat in sight. But they were no match for the cat. Their previous exhaustion hadn’t left them, hadn’t freed them from its burning grasp, and they were falling fast. Beez was the first to collapse, tripping over a twisted root and completely eating shit. They lay on the ground, too weak to stand, and they called out to Tommy to keep going. He didn’t acknowledge, just kept running. Shortly after, they heard an “oh fuck” and a loud thud. They’d lost the race, and now the cat was gone.

Bimbeez sighed out, solemn from the loss. Somehow, they managed to tug themselves off the grass bed beneath them and make their way over to Tommy. They plopped beside the boy, who still laid on his side from when he’d fallen. “Damn it.” They panted every other word. “We lost her. Jesus, that sucks.” Tommy did nothing but nod in response, completely defeated for all of two seconds. The two sat for a while in silence, trying to catch their breaths and regain the strength to stand.

That is, until they heard movement in the grass. Beez peered up from their moping and let out a small gasp. The calico had returned, padding softly over to the two. Beez was stunned. The kitty sat close to Bimbeez, her tail flicking from side to side. She mewled and Bimbeez covered their mouth with their hands. The meow caused Tommy to look, who gasped upon seeing the cat again. “Holy shit, there she is!!” He tried to keep his voice to a whisper but he just couldn’t contain his excitement. Beez grabbed a fish out from their inventory and handed it to the kitty, shocked into silence. She took the fish from Bimbeez’s hands and began to eat. Beez, taking a leap of faith, stretched their hand out and started to delicately pet the calico. She tensed, stopped her eating at first, then she relaxed and let Beez pet her. Beez sighed out, the happiest they’d been in a while.

“Hi kitty… Let’s get you back to the base, huh?”

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They’d set the calico up on a new bed Bimbeez made just for her. Beez was sitting right by the bed, watching the cat snooze off her meal, despite them desperately needing a bath. Tommy sat behind them, converting half of the wood into planks. He couldn’t get the thoughts out of his head. About Tubbo, Bimbeez, Schlatt… He had to ask, just to get a sense of clarity for himself. “Hey, Beez?” Beez sat up with a hum and looked over at him. “Why do you come out to see me?”

Beez gave a huffy laugh in response. “Well, ‘cuz I think you’re cool, duh.”

“Well I get that, I just-” Tommy paused. He needed a moment to collect his jumbled thoughts. “-I mean, why do you risk so much just to see me?”

This made the enby pause and reflect a little. “Hm. Well, I think that’s pretty obvious too! I like you a lot. I like seein’ you and hangin’ out, I don’t care enough about the law to let it stop me.”

“I’m just so scared,” Tommy regretted the words the second they left his mouth, but it was too late to take them back. He continued. “I mean, if something were to happen to you two… It’d be my fault, right?”

Beez’s mood softened. They curled their legs up to their chest, staying silent for a moment. “Not really. Like, it kinda would be our fault. We were the ones sneakin’ out, you know?”

“But you wouldn’t be sneaking out if it weren’t for me!”

“Tommy, it’s okay, I promise!” Beez sat up a little and held out their hands to the other teen. “I wouldn’t come out here if I was that worried about it. I promise, we’ll be okay. Me and Tubbo.

Tommy couldn’t say anything in return. He wanted to believe them, he wanted to so badly, but he had a terrible gut feeling about all of this. But when he looked at Beez, he saw total confidence in their face, something he wasn’t used to seeing. With a hesitant sigh, he took Beez out-stretched hands. They smiled at him and squeezed gently on his digits. “It’ll be okay. We can fend for ourselves.”

“I know.” Tommy closed his eyes and tried to come to terms with everything once again. He felt someone ruffle his hair and he shooed them away, opening an eye and expecting to see Bimbeez looming over him. But it wasn’t.

“What are you two doing in here?” Wilbur went to his side of the dugout cave home, popping open a chest. “I thought I told you to collect wood.”

“We did,” Bimbeez beamed, and gestured behind them. “We got distracted though.” The cat had woken up by now and was making herself busy, cleaning her back. Wilbur nodded to the cat, humming to acknowledge it. He quickly returned to his work, though. Beez sighed, rolling their eyes. “Disappointing reaction, but that’s fine. We haven’t named her yet, I thought we could all name her together.”

“Well, I’m not gonna be here long, so it’ll be up to you and Tommy.” Wilbur closed the chest, adjusting himself and heading out. Both teens sat in empty silence for a bit. God, this sucked.

“Okay, whatever, forget him.” Beez laid a gentle hand on the kitty and pet her. “We’ll just name her ourselves.”

“Her name is Shawty.” A cackle came out of Beez mouth. They shook their head.

“No no no, Shawty- Shwawty’s good-”

“SHWAWTY???”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HELLO?”

“YOU SAID SHWAWTY YOU FUCKIN’ IDIOT, OH MY GOD-”

“I DIDN’T!! I SAID SHAWTY YOU KNOW I MEANT SHAWTY-”

The two argued back and forth at increasing volume, interrupting each other and thoroughly pissing each other off. At some point, Beez tried to play-tackle Tommy but was thrown off by number one, his surprising strength for a string bean, and number two, his push that drove Beez away. They took this as a challenge, jumping in for another tackle. The two were full on play fighting, laughing and pulling at each other’s hair and screaming the whole way along. The awkward, dead air of Wilbur’s appearance was gone now, replaced by nothing but unrestrained fun.

Tommy was the first to give. Although a tough fighter, he couldn’t stand up to Beez’s superior bulk over him. They both just flopped to the ground in a heaping pile. The sun was just now beginning to set: setting the sky with orange, pinks, purples, beautiful palettes. It had been a bit of an odd day, but nothing couldn’t be made better with friends, right? That’s how Tommy felt anyways. In this moment, lying on the floor with one of his best friends, he couldn’t have felt more happy.

“Hey, Tommy?”

“Yeah, Beez?”

Beez looked at him, and grinned with glee. “Let’s name her Shawty.”

Tommy grinned back. “Shawty it is.”

A/N: have a good day :] ALSO THIS WAS WRITTEN BEFORE TOMMY RELEVENT MOMENTS SO. :( we’re coping bro

#dream smp #dsmp #dream smp oc #dsmp oc #tommyinnit #bimbeez #fic #maiziescribbles.writes #have a good day :) rember tomy :)

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