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#colson baker fanfiction
hollywoodxwhore · 1 year
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needy
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Colson x Reader
Warnings: Smut (18+), swearing
Requested? Yes! "can you pleas do a thigh riding colson x reader pls pls pls"
Synposis: reader wants attention, Col is busy, and they find a compromise.
I haven't posted in forever because I haven't been inspired to write and life has been honestly a fucking a mess thanks to my job. I actually had this written for Kinktober and never got around to posting it so here you go!
“Babe,” you pleaded, hating how whiny your voice sounded. Colson was working, had been for quite some time, and you were bored, lonely, and needy. It wasn’t your fault that he insisted on working in gray shorts made of sweatpant material and no shirt, a hat backwards on his head. Rings on his stupid, sexy fingers. It was rude, to be honest.
“Hm,” he replied distractedly, squinting at his laptop and adjusting his headphones. 
You leaned over and pulled the headphones off of one ear. “I’m bored,” you said.
Colson leaned over for a quick kiss, hoping that would satisfy you, but you pouted. “Babe,” he said, giving you a look. “I really need to work on this. I’m sorry.” You sulked, crossing your arms. Colson rolled his eyes. “Why are you so needy today?”
“Probably because of this,” you said, gesturing vaguely to his entire body. 
Colson looked down at himself and chuckled, shaking his head. “Listen,” he said, closing his laptop. “I have to make a phone call. It’s not going to be quick.” You frowned. You were acting like a total brat, but you couldn’t help it. Watching him work had you unreasonably turned on. He rolled his eyes. “Jesus. How about this?”
You scooted closer, climbing into his lap eagerly. “I’m listening,” you said.
Colson chuckled and shook his head, resting his hands on your thighs. “How about you get yourself off on my thigh?” he suggested.
“Wh-what?” you asked, studying his face. 
He shrugged. “Why not? You get what you want and I get work done,” he explained. “Then, after the call, I can fuck you.”
“Okay,” you said, nodding. Colson chuckled and shifted you onto one of his thighs, spreading his legs wider. He picked up his phone, giving you a slow kiss before dialing. 
“Hey man,” he greeted. “Yeah, it’s getting close. I’m working on it.” You bit your lip and buried your face into his neck as you rolled your hips forward experimentally. You bit your lip, liking the friction of his thigh. You continued, moving a little faster, grinding yourself down a little harder. You whimpered quietly and Colson’s hand tightened sharply on your ass, a warning to stay quiet.
You clamped your mouth shut and held onto him tightly as you continued to move, the action making your breath shaky. You buried your face deeper into his shoulder to stifle any sounds threatening to come out. It felt better than you’d expected. 
“Yeah, should be done soon,” Colson continued, eyes on you as you moved. His eyes were slightly glazed and you could tell you were turning him on. He gestured for you to stand and then held the phone between his ear and shoulder, reaching out to take off your pants. He bit his lip when he noticed the way you’d already soaked through your panties, and he stroked his fingertip over the spot. Then, he pulled you back onto him.
Without the barrier of your pants, it was even better, and it was getting harder and harder to be quiet. Especially when Colson tugged down your tank top to play with your nipples. He was getting distracted, you could tell, barely responding to the person on the phone. 
“Alright man, I gotta go,” he said. “I’ll catch up with you later.” He hung up and threw his phone towards the end of the couch before placing both hands on your ass. “God, you’re so fuckin’ sexy,” he groaned, helping you apply more pressure as you moved. “You like riding my thigh?”
You nodded, whimpering softly as you moved, heat rising in your stomach. “Feels so good, Col,” you moaned.
“Good girl,” Colson moaned, squeezing your ass hard. “Fuck, you gonna come like this?”
All you could do was nod as your legs began to tremble, a knot tightening in your stomach as your orgasm grew closer and closer. “Cols,” you gasped, pressing your mouth to his as you came. Colson kissed you hard, helping you ride it out, swallowing all your moans. 
When you were finished, you rested your head on his shoulder and panted. Colson shifted you back a little. “Fuck. Got my thigh all wet,” Colson remarked with a soft laugh. “That’s so hot.” 
“Sorry,” you breathed, but you weren’t. Colson just smiled and pulled you closer, snuggling you. “Sorry for distracting you.”
“Nah, don’t be,” he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I love you, you know that?”
“Mm, I love you too,” you said, pleased and tired as you snuggled into him. 
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storiesforallfandoms · 3 months
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can’t keep doing this ~ machine gun kelly
word count: 1668
request?: yes!
“Hi! I love your writing and you just seem like such a sweet, genuine person. ☺️ Can I request Colson x reader and they’ve broken up but they keep meeting up and hooking up with some smut and maybe some fluff at the end?”
description: in which they broke up a while ago but kept hooking up afterwards, and now she’s ready to end things for good
pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader
warnings: swearing, two paragraphs of smut, angst, fluff ending
masterlist (one, two, three)
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You and Colson had broken up almost a year ago. It wasn’t a bad breakup. You both had different ideas of what you wanted from your futures and realized it was best if you ended your relationship and perused the futures you wanted.
The thing is, you broke up, but you were still hooking up.
It started as a drunken mistake. You were both out at the same club and ran into each other after a couple of drinks. Next thing you knew, he had you against the wall outside of the club with one hand up your shirt while yours was cupping the front of his pants. The next morning, you were surprised to find yourself waking up in his bed. You both agreed it was the last time it would happen.
And you were both horribly wrong.
It became a regular thing for one of you to text the other looking for a quick fuck, but that’s all it would be. There was no staying the night, no cuddling, nothing romantic. You had to constantly remind one another that you weren’t getting back together before, during, and after.
You had no issue with it at first. You viewed it as just a way to get over the breakup without hooking up with randos you met at clubs. You didn’t expect it to last as long as it did. But once the months came and went, and you realized that this was starting to become less of a hook up thing for you, you realized it had to come to an end. It would be better for the both of you to finally move on.
That was the plan when you texted Colson, asking him if you could come over. You were just going to put an end to everything. Tell him you had to stop and finally go your separate ways.
But then he opened the door, just in a pair of grey sweatpants and looking at you as if he were a dehydrated man and you were the first water he had seen in a long time. And you were such a sucker for both of those things.
That’s how you found yourself face first into Colson’s bedsheets; face down, ass up, with Colson’s dick abusing your g-spot with every rough thrust. Your moans were muffled by the sheets between your teeth. His fingers were digging into your hips, guiding you back to meet his thrusts. You yelped at the sudden sting of the palm of his hand meeting your ass cheek. You could already picture the perfect handprint you’d see there later.
You cried out as Colson’s fingers met your clit, rubbing quick circles in the bundles of nerves. His thrusts were becoming sloppy, telling you he was trying to coax one last orgasm from you before he reached his own. It didn’t take him long to get it. It came rushing from you before you could realize, a scream ripping from your throat as your whole body went warm and your walls contracted around him. His dick twitched inside you before he reached his own high, spilling inside of you.
Your body, sore and used, slowly fell to the bed. Colson slipped from you as you fell, hissing at the over sensitivity. You took a while to regain yourself. As you did, Colson got up from the bed and returned with cloths to clean the two of you up. You rolled onto your back and took the cloth from him. You wiped yourself and sat up. You discarded the cloth onto the floor with Colson’s other dirty laundry and started reaching for your clothes.
“What are you doing?” Colson asked.
“Leaving?” you responded, confused by his question.
“You don’t have to,” he said.
“That’s usually how this works, Colson.”
“Well, yeah, but that’s not how it always has to be. We can change, you know. You could...hang out for a while or something, I don’t know.”
“We can’t keep doing this,” you cut him off. “This is the last time. That’s why I asked to come see you.”
You could’ve swore you saw a look of hurt in his eyes, but you were sure you had imagined it.
“Why?” he asked. “We have a good thing going on.”
“Had,” you corrected. “We had a good thing, Colson, but then we broke up. We said we were going our separate ways because we wanted different things. That’s how it should’ve ended. These last few months never should’ve happened.”
“Then why are you saying this now? Why didn’t you say anything months ago when we started fucking?”
“Because I’m seeing someone now!”
That rendered Colson speechless. He just looked at you as you continued to put on your clothes. You couldn’t meet his eye now.
“That’s why I came over,” you continued. “One last go, then we’re done. We have to move on, Colson. I told you, I want to settle down, to find someone who wants marriage and kids. You don’t want that. So, that’s it. We move on. We stop playing with each other’s emotions like this.”
You grabbed your purse that had been discarded to the floor the minute you stepped in the room. You started for the door, but paused. You looked back at Colson one last time. He was still looking ahead, face blank.
“Who is it?” he asked.
“Some guy from a dating app,” you responded.
“And that’s what you want? Some guy from a dating app?”
Instead of answering, you said, “Goodbye Colson”, and finally walked out of his life, for good this time.
~~~~~~
That night, you were watching TV at home with delivery pizza and a bottle of wine. For the most part, you had managed to forget everything with Colson. You had blocked his number and all his social media when you got home, which was the last bits to fully remove him from your life. Then you cracked open a bottle of wine, ordered some pizza, and turned on mind numbing reality TV to cleanse your brain.
You were two glasses deep when someone rang your doorbell. You weren’t expecting anyone, and the pizza had already come. A series of knocks shortly after the doorbell rang spurred you to get up and see who was at your door.
To your surprise, you swung the door open and there was Colson.
Before you could ask him what he was doing, he brushed past you to walk into your house.
“I didn’t invite you in,” you pointed out.
“I don’t accept what you said today,” he said, ignoring your comment. “I don’t want to end things between us.”
“Colson,” you tried again.
“I don’t just mean the sex stuff,” he continued. “Listen, I was a goddamn idiot to let you get away. I didn’t think I was ready to settle down. My job, it made settling down seem impossible. I travel all the time, I’m rarely ever home. That’s not the ideal married life, and I know that.”
“Colson - ”
“But I realized that I can’t imagine my life without you. After that first hookup, I did mean it when I said it wouldn’t happen again. I was ready to let it all go, to let you go. But then I was home alone and I realized how empty my house feels without you. And I started thinking about how I can’t see my future without you being in it. I’m an idiot for not bringing it up, but I thought the hooking up was the only thing that would keep you around, and I was willing to do it until you wanted to stop. I know I’m too late and you have someone else, but I can’t - ”
“Jesus Christ, Colson, there isn’t anyone else!”
That was enough to finally shut him up. He stopped pacing, which he had started doing the second he had opened his mouth, and turned to face you. You crossed your arms, waiting for him to say something.
“What?” he finally asked.
You sighed. “I only said that so that you’d let me go. But I haven’t been seeing anyone. I’m not even on any dating apps. I just needed to end everything between us because I was gaining feelings again and I couldn't bare to continue our arrangement of meaningless hookups when I was still so in love with you.”
There was a moment of silence, and then a smile spread across Colson’s face. You couldn’t help but smile back, and then the two of you were laughing. The whole situation was so absurd. If one of you had just communicated what you wanted instead of just continuing to hook up, then you could’ve been back together long ago. But you know what they say about hindsight.
“I really want to kiss you right now,” Colson said.
“Then do it.”
In two long strides, he closed the distance between you two and cupped your face in his hand. He pulled you to him and kissed you as if it was the first time he had ever done so. You leaned into him, holding on to his shirt for dear life. You weren’t sure you’d ever let him go honestly. You just wanted to stay there, holding each other, kissing each other.
“If I had a ring, I’d propose to you right now,” he murmured against your lips.
“If you did, I’d say yes,” you whispered back.
“I’ll take that as a pre-engagement agreement,” he said. “But I promise, I will get you a ring. I’ll do something so special to propose. I’ll give you dozens of babies if that’s what you want.”
“Oh God, that’s the last thing I want,” you laughed. “Give me one baby at least, and then we’ll go from there.”
“Maybe we could start practicing on that now.”
You leaned close to his ear and whispered, “Then take me to the bed.”
You shrieked as Colson lifted you in his arms and gleefully raced towards your bedroom.
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sourwolf-sterek32 · 2 months
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The Dirt (Your Version)
Summary: Meeting Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee was a coincidence. Being friends was a choice. But falling in love with them both was beyond your control.
Or
A rewrite of The Dirt with all the highs and lows of Mötley Crüe from your perspective.
Pairings: Nikki Sixx x Reader, Tommy Lee x Reader, Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee x Reader
Word Count: 4k
Trigger Warning- language, mentions of past child abuse and past self-harm
Previous Chapter
Chapter 21- Mötley fuckin' Crüe
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A week later, you and Nikki were pulling up in front of Tommy's double story mansion across town.
"What are you going to say to him?" You asked, climbing out the car.
Nikki shrugged, "first an apology."
You simply nodded before you walked up the tall stairs to his front door taking two at a time before Nikki knocked. A moment later, Tommy pulled the door open with a cigarette between his lips and a look of surprise on his face.
"Hey, guys." He greeted hesitantly, glancing between you and Nikki unsure what was happening.
"What I did at your wedding..." Nikki began to say causing the confusion on the drummer to double. "I didn't... know... how to do that. How to be there."
"What's up, Nikki?" Tommy asked stopping the bassist struggling with his apology.
"I was really fucking selfish, and I shit on something that was important to you, and I am really sorry."
Tommy glanced over at you briefly before focusing back on Nikki. "I know you pretty well, Sixx, so... I kinda get it. And it's okay. But can you say that last part one more time for me?"
"Don't fucking push it, T-bone." Nikki shook his head with a smirk.
You and Tommy began to laugh before the drummer stepped to the side allowing you both to walk through the front door.
"I heard you and Heather broke up."
Tommy nodded, "yeah."
"I'm sorry, man." Nikki grabbed his shoulder with a small squeeze.
"Knew I'd get you to say it again." Tommy grinned with a laugh.
"Fuck you." Nikki removed his hand while trying not to smile.
Your eyes widened in shock not having realised that him and Heather had broken up. But of course, they would have. Heather would've seen the magazine with the photo of her husband kissing another girl on the front page. And not just any girl. It was you. It was the girl that Tommy would hang around with backstage. The girl he'd lean against during shows. The girl he asked to be his groomsman. The girl he ditched their honeymoon for. No wonder Heather was gone.
"Fuck, Tommy, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have-" You began to apologise before he cut you off.
"It's okay."
"It's not okay. Heather broke up with you because of me. I mean, fuck, you were married for seven years and-"
"Y/N, look at me." Tommy instructed, stepping in front of you and pinching your chin gently between his thumb and index finger before tilting your head up until you met his eyes. "It's okay." He repeated.
"How is that okay?"
Tommy sighed, glancing over your shoulder at Nikki. The two of them had a silent conversation you weren't privy to before his warm hazel eyes met yours once again.
"Because I've been in love with you since high school."
Out of everything you thought Tommy might have said, that was not on the list. That wasn't even on the draft of the fucking list.
Holy shit.
You opened your mouth to respond but no words came out.
"Kiss her, man." Nikki said from behind you, giving the drummer the permission he needed before Tommy tilted your chin up higher and he leant down capturing your lips with his.
You melted against his mouth and cupped his face with your hands deepening the kiss before pulling away and glancing over at Nikki who was smiling.
"Alright. We're going on a mission." He declared holding his hand out towards you.
You grabbed Nikkis hand before taking Tommys in your other and the three of you walked out the house towards Nikki's car.
It was time to go get Mick Mars.
Apparently, Mick just had hip replacement surgery, so you drove out to the hospital to pick him up.
You leant against the side of the car between Nikki and Tommy, and the look on Micks face when he saw the three of you together was priceless.
"About time you three got your shit together." Was his form of greeting as a nurse wheeled him out the front doors on a wheelchair.
You smirked pushing yourself away from the car and walked towards him.
"It's good to see you, Mick."
The older man smiled, "you too, kid."
"How's that new hip, dude? Feel like The Terminator now or some shit?" Tommy asked heading straight for the handles of the wheelchair.
"Touch the chair and I'll terminate you, Drummer." Mick threatened pointing at him.
Tommy quickly raised his hands and stepped back before Mick thanked the nurse behind him and slowly stood up out the wheelchair.
You took a step forward with your hand out, Nikki doing the same unsure how steady he would be on his feet, but the older man simply waved you both off and began walking to the car.
"Stop looking at me like that. Let's go get our fucking singer back already."
-
Locating Vince Neil was harder than you anticipated.
He wasn't at his house and after using the spare key to get inside, it was clear that he hadn't been home for a while.
"Where the hell is he?" Tommy asked, looking around and you had a sinking feeling you knew where your brother had ended up.
Moonshadow's bar downtown.
When Skylar was sick, that was where he went every single night and when she passed, he practically lived there. That place was like a second home to him at that point.
You thought rehab had helped him. He sounded fine when you spoke to him on the phone not long ago, but your brother was still suffering.
"Shit." You sighed, rubbing your face with your hands causing the guys to all look over at you. "I think I know where he is."
The four of you climbed back into Nikki's car and before you knew it, you were heading towards the front door of the small quiet bar. But before you pushed it open, you paused and turned to face the guys.
"Look... just let me talk to Vince first, okay? I-I don't know how he'll react."
They all nodded in agreement before you turned and entered the building.
There were a few people seated at various booths and tables, but there was one man sitting at the bar and there was no mistaking that long blonde hair anywhere. The guys remained by the door, for once actually listening to you, while you walked straight across the room towards your brother.
"You got company." The bartender warned, eyeing you and the guys by the door cautiously.
Vince glanced over his shoulder in confusion before his eyes met yours and he sighed, turning back around staring down at his glass of Jack and coke.
"I-I'm not drinking like I was. Don't worry. This is my only drink even ask him." Vince said defensively motioning up at the bartender.
"It's true. He refuses to let me serve him more than one drink."
You nodded, a little relieved to hear that because for a moment you feared your brother had really fallen off the wagon again.
"I'm proud of you." You admitted, sitting down on the stool beside him before leaning over and resting your head on his shoulder. "And I love you."
Vince didn't say anything to that but tilted his head until it was resting against the top of yours.
"How's your hand?" You asked after a moment, looking down at his scarred knuckles wrapped around his glass.
"Healed." He answered letting go of the glass and squeezing his hand in and out of a fist. "I should have never let dad touch you again. I should have seen it coming and-"
"Vin, it's not your fault."
"It kinda feels like my fault."
You lifted your head from his shoulder and turned in your seat to face him properly.
"It's not your fault." You insisted, reaching over and grabbing his arm. "I'm a grown woman. I can take care of myself."
"Yeah? Well, I'm your big brother. It's my job to protect you and I failed, again."
"You can't protect me from everything, big brother." You whispered, mimicking your words from the day you both ran away from home.
Vince smiled sadly catching on before repeating his own words too, "I can try."
Neither of you said anything for a few minutes while Vince sipped at his drink savouring his one alcoholic beverage before you glanced over your shoulder at the others and nodded them over.
"Vin, the guys are here. They wanna talk to you."
That had your brothers head snapping around so fast, "what? No. Y/N, I don't think-"
"We just wanna talk, Vinnie. That's it." Nikki explained calmly reaching the bar, but your brother just stared down at his glass refusing to look at him. "Come on, Vinnie."
Mick suddenly reached out and placed a firm but gentle hand on your brother's shoulder causing him to flinch.
"Let's talk." Mick said.
Vince glanced over at you hesitantly and you gave him a small reassuring nod causing your brother to let out a deep sigh.
"Okay."
The group of you moved over to a table at the far side of the bar away from everyone else. You sat down between Nikki and Tommy while Mick grabbed some soda for you all and placed it on the table while Nikki spoke.
"I was scared." Nikki admitted, looking at Vince beside him. "After what happened with Razzle, I was scared that I was losing the only thing that ever mattered to me."
"Yeah, your band." Vince muttered.
"No. No. This." Nikki explained motioning to all of you around the table. "Look, we went to war together. Shit changes, people change, but I don't fucking care if Mötley Crüe never plays another note. All I want is my fucking brother back. Because this is the only family that I've ever known."
"We love you, Vin. Okay, fuck, I love ya." Tommy added.
"And I am sorry about Skylar, man." Nikki said gently.
Vince lowered his head avoiding everyone's eyes as his body started to shake and you knew your brother was trying not to cry at the mention of his daughter.
"It's against the laws, man." Vince sobbed, shaking his head. "It's against the fucking rules of the universe."
Your own eyes began to fill with tears as you stared at your brother struggling to hold it together before Mick wrapped his arm around him and that was all it took before Vince started to cry.
"Hey." Nikki soothed, resting his hand on Vince's shoulder.
"We got you, brother." Mick whispered, holding him. "We got you, brother."
Tommy suddenly pulled you into his side while you silently cried, his thumb rubbing soothing circles against your back. Tears trickled down your face in a heavy stream despite how hard you tried to stop them, and Nikki reached over with his free hand and grabbed yours on the table giving it a small squeeze for comfort.
Eventually, the tears came to an end. Vince managed to get a hold of himself while you sniffed quietly. Your brother glanced over at you noticing your tear-streaked face before he looked at Tommys arm around you and Nikki's hand holding yours.
"Look, Vince-" Nikki quickly began to say, but your brother cut him off.
"You three together?"
Mick stiffened from across the table fearful that this might be the breaking point for Mötley Crüe. If Vince couldn't accept it, that was it. There was no coming back for Mötley Crüe and the older man knew it. You all knew it.
"I love them, Vince." You began to say before either of them had a chance to open their mouths and say something stupid.
A look of shock washed over your brothers face at those words. He knew that the three of you used to hook up and you eventually told him about the miscarriage. But Vince probably just assumed that it was a casual thing between the three of you. He didn't know that you were in love, and you hoped like hell that piece of new information wouldn't make him any madder than he already was.
You loved Nikki and Tommy.
You loved them both so fucking much, and you were done trying to hide it.
"Yeah, I love them." You continued to say. "And I know you don't approve of that. And we shouldn't have snuck around behind your back way back when, and for that, I'm sorry. But I can't change how I feel."
Vince remained worriedly silent for quite some time while he looked between the three of you carefully.
Tommy and Nikki seemed too frightened to speak which was probably a good thing and Mick was sitting there holding his breath, waiting to see what would happen.
"You guys love each other?" Vince eventually asked, his tone forcefully neutral as he glanced between you all.
"We do, man." Tommy answered without hesitation. "I know your sister is off limits, but we love her, dude. This isn't just some fling or something. We love her."
"He's right." Nikki backed up, Vince's eyes shooting over to the bassist. "Look, man. I've never felt the way I feel about your sister with anyone. I love her, and I'm not going to apologise for it. If you want to walk away, we aren't going to stop you."
"Or you can come back and Mötley Crüe can start playing again." Mick spoke up, resting his hand on Vince's shoulder.
Your brother glanced over at the older man briefly before shifting his focus back to the guys beside you taking in Tommys arm around your back and Nikki's hand still holding yours against the table.
Your heart felt like it was beating out of its chest in anticipation until your brother eventually nodded.
"Let's make some fucking music."
-
After announcing Mötley Crüe were back with Vince Neil as their lead singer, the first show sold out within an hour of tickets going on sale.
"Tommy, sit still or I'm gonna ruin your makeup." You warned from where you were literally sitting in his lap trying to apply his eyeliner, but he kept tapping his foot. "God, I forgot how fidgety you used to be before a show."
"I can't help it. I get nervous." He said defensively but managed to stop moving his foot so you could finish.
You lowered the eyeliner and stared at his beautiful hazel eyes making sure they were both perfectly even before you nodded at your handy work in approval.
"Can I move now, baby?"
"Yes, but be careful not to smudge-"
His lips crashed against yours before you could finish that sentence. It was rushed and needy, but perfect all at once.
You tossed the eyeliner in the general direction of the desk before resting your hand over his bare chest. Your fingers traced over the new tattoos that weren't there the last time you were on tour together. His hand shifted down to your waist, sliding up under your jacket until his warm fingers found your skin and he kept his hand there while you kissed him back needily.
The door to your dressing room suddenly opened causing the two of you to pull apart. You looked over your shoulder to find Nikki walking inside now dressed in his leather pants and new black jacket. His signature warpaint stripes were on his face along with a bandana around his forehead.
"Looking good, Sixx." You whistled as he closed the door behind himself, his cheeks blushing a little at your compliment.
You glanced back over at Tommy who was still holding you in his lap and now had red lipstick smeared over his lips.
"I need to wipe this off." You said reaching up to his mouth, but he grabbed your hand before you could do it.
"Leave it. It'll remind me of you."
Your heart swelled at that small gesture before Nikki walked over to the two of you and spun the chair you were both occupying around until you were facing him.
"Your look is missing something." Nikki observed looking your new outfit up and down.
It was just a simple pair of leather pants with chains hanging from the belt loops and a sleeveless red lacy top that probably showed too much skin and cleavage, but neither of the guys commented on it not wanting to control what you wore which you appreciated.
"Close your eyes for me." Nikki instructed.
You raised your eyebrows, "um, why?"
"Do you trust me?"
"With my life." You answered without hesitation.
"Close your eyes."
You nodded and closed your eyes before Nikki's hand cupped the side of your face gently and then you felt him drawing a small line along your left cheek bone.
There was no mistaking what that mark was.
"T-bone. What do you think?" Nikki asked tilting your head to the side so Tommy could see.
"She's fucking beautiful, man."
"Yeah, she is." Nikki agreed before he lowered his hand from your face, and you felt the chair start to turn again. "Open your eyes, princess."
Slowly, you blinked your eyes open to find yourself now facing the mirror on the desk. Your eyes shifted down to the singular black stripe of warpaint on your cheek that was identical to what you used to have all those years ago.
You smiled at the mirror, "like old times."
Nikki and Tommy both met your gaze through the mirror with bright smiles.
The faded scars on your face and upper arm from the car crash back in 1984 were traced with glitter like you used to do on tour. However, the healed scars on your wrist were covered with bracelets.
You fiddled with the bracelets for a moment before catching sight of the clock on the wall behind.
"It's show time." You announced, climbing off Tommy's lap before shrugging off your leather jacket and throwing it onto the desk. "You boys ready?"
Tommy nodded, "hell yeah."
"Let's do it." Nikki grinned.
You followed the guys out the dressing room and down the long narrow corridor towards the stage before you knocked on Mick's dressing room door as you passed.
"Mick, it's time!" You shouted before walking over to your brother's door and knocking. "Vin, let's roll!"
Nikki then threw his arm around your shoulders while he walked, Tommy off to his other side fiddling with his drumsticks. Mick came out his room joining you down the corridor wearing his long black coat and top hat and then Vince stepped out in his leather pants and black muscle shirt.
The five of you walked down the corridor in sync together.
Vince wrapped his arms around you and Nikki with a bright smile spreading across his face. Tommy sprung himself in the air with one hand on Micks shoulder and another on Nikki's as he jumped up excitingly causing you all to laugh as you made your way towards the stage.
You slipped free from Vince and Nikki as you rounded the corner towards the backstage stairs and paused at the base of them watching the guys all walk up towards the stage.
A swell of love and pride washed over you.
Whenever Tommy sat down behind his drums and Nikki picked up his bass, and Mick plugged in his guitar, something always happened. It was like the air thickened with excitement. You couldn't put your finger on it, but it was like a weird kind of electrical humidity. You didn't just hear it, you felt it. Then Vince would scream the first few words of a song and all you could think was, 'we're home.'
You were a lot older now but some days you still felt eighteen with these guys.
This band had outlived wives and girlfriends, managers, record companies, agents- everything but itself.
From living in the Mötley House along the Sunset Strip and playing at the Whiskey to this moment... Mötley Crüe had fucking made it.
Nikki suddenly stopped halfway up the stairs noticing you were missing and turned in confusion. His smoky eyes locked with yours and he held his hand out towards you. You jogged up the steps and took his hand with a small squeeze.
"You did it. Mötley Crüe are back." You smiled proudly at him. "This is our life."
"If life was a song, then meeting you was the best verse." Nikki whispered in your ear before he placed a tender kiss to your lips.
You closed your eyes savouring the moment before Nikki pulled away with a bright smile on his face. His hand squeezed yours gently before he led you up the stairs catching up with the others just as you reached the stage and the crowd erupted.
Vince threw his hands up in the air enthusiastically. Tommy and Mick holding up devil horns while you stared out at the stadium full of people in front of you. The crowd was screaming and cheering louder than you had ever heard it as Nikki held your joined hands up to the sky.
After everything the band had been through together. All the years of fights, drugs, alcohol, criticism, heartbreak... after everything, they were still here.
That's fate.
That's family.
And that's Mötley fuckin' Crüe.
-
...THE END
-
A/N: I'm actually crying...
I didn't think I'd get emotional about this. It's just a fanfic, it's a fake story... but it's also real. It's based on true events from the band we all know and love, but to me, writing this story has been like a lifeline. And now it's over and I have no idea what to do.
From listening to Girls Girls Girls in my dad's car on the way to school when I was a kid... to 15 years later and I'm blasting Kickstart My Heart in my own car driving to work... then fast forward a couple years to the 14th of November 2023, I'm standing at Marvel Stadium in Melbourne over 1,5000km away from home with my dad watching Mötley Crüe live in concert.
Seeing Mötley Crüe in person... seeing Nikki Sixx on stage playing his bass... seeing Tommy Lee unleash on the drums... hearing Vince Neil scream the songs I grew up listening to and hearing John 5 tearing it up on his guitar carrying on Mick Mars' legacy... words cannot do justice to how fucking amazing those couple of hours were.
In 2022, I moved to a small country town for my career. I live alone. I have no friends or family in this town, they all live over 8 hours away. I'm introvert with bad social anxiety and I like being alone. I like my own space and having my own house, but it hurts sometimes being this lonely, but Mötley Crüe have helped me. From their music to their books, to their movie; The Dirt, to all their YouTube interviews and documentaries to their social media presence. Mötley Crüe have made me feel less lonely. They have helped me in so many ways and I owe everything to them.
I know I'm rambling, but Mötley Crüe, Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars and John 5 have saved my life. Sure, to some that might seem stupid and pathetic. Mötley Crüe don't know me. They never will. But they have impacted my life so much and I would not be here typing these words if it wasn't for them. 
So, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank them.
I don't know what the future holds.
Mötley Crüe are doing some shows in America this year and releasing new music soon (I am so fucking excited to hear it) and according to Nikki on Twitter/X, the band will be back to touring in 2025.
Now, I don't know if that means they will come back to Australia or not, but just the thought... just the mere chance and possibility that Mötley Crüe might be back in my country that is enough to keep going. It is enough to get me out of bed in the mornings and go to work. It is enough for me to keep fighting and I know I will get judged for it but fuck anyone who hates on me for saying that because this band means more to me than you will ever know.
ANYWAY...
When I first started writing this, I never imaged anyone would even read it. I was purely writing this for myself, but I am so so happy that many of you have loved and resonated with this story and Y/N Neil.
Out all the fanfics I've ever written this one means the most to me. Thank you for coming along on this journey. I have had a blast writing this and at the moment, this story is finished, but who knows what the future holds ❤️
This is Sourwolf_sterek32 signing off. Until next time, stay safe everyone. I'm going to go cry and rewatch The Dirt for the hundredth time to make myself feel better xx
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oskea93 · 3 months
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Keep it to Yourself (1)
✶ Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx x OC ✶
Warning: This story will contain scenes of drug/alcohol use, sexual content, mentions of death, overdose, physical and emotional abuse. Please read at your own risk. I do not own rights to Motley Crue or any other famous person mentioned. Portions of this story will be pulled from Motley's book and film The Dirt as well as The Heroin Diaries. There will be parts that are complete fiction as well.
Taglist: @fancywasmyname1, @kaitieskidmore1, @xxisxxisxxis, @sparxx27,  @cruecifymesixx, @tempt-ress, @a-sia-san, @x-xinenas, @casualcomputerarbiter-blog​, @makaelahdelvalle
Author's note: Hello everybody! It's been a while since I thought about this story but now I want to bring it back to life. I think I rewatched The Dirt about 20 times in the past couple of days (Thanks snowstorm!) and i've been thinking about this story and all the other amazing Crue stories that are on Tumblr. So, with that being said - I have decided to rewrite Keep it to Yourself. I went back and read the original version and I want to revamp it in a way. I've changed a couple things and I hope to make it better than before. If you were tagged in the original version, I went ahead and just tagged you for this new update. If you would like to be removed, just let me know and I will take you off. If you aren't a part of the taglist and would like to be, just let me know and I will get you added. I hope you enjoy the new and improved Keep it to Yourself!
“Bryant –“ He paused. “I know I’m probably the last voice you wanna hear on your answering machine, but I desperately need your help right now.” A breathy sigh blew through the speaker. “I’m at my wits end and I have no idea what to do with him.”
I stared at the device – my hand curled against my mouth as his words flowed through my living room. “The drugs are constant – he’s high 24/7 – Half the time I don’t even know if he’s alive or dead when I get into his room. It’s not just him – they’re all fucked – but he’s the only one with one foot in the casket.”
How he got my number remained a mystery. They made him millions of dollars – more money than the man could even count – yet he was calling me about his issue. From the beginning, I told him that it would only get worse. The guy had issues way before he formed Motley – way before the money and fame came into the picture. Sure - he dabbled in drugs before hitting peak stardom, but the money was there, and he was a kid in a candy store.
“I know the two of you ended on such a sour note, but I feel like you’re the only one that can truly help him get out of this fucking mess. He needs you – I – we all need you, Bryant.” He went on to leave the number to the hotel they were staying at for the night. Begging one last time for my help. I must’ve played the damn message 10 times – each time making my anger rise. Doc was the one who let it get to this point – he fueled the fire when it should’ve been sprayed out years ago. He pushed the drugs in their direction – Nikki was always a step ahead though. He attracted the slime that had the harder, faster drugs. The drugs that would make him feel nothing when in reality his whole fucking world was crumbling down…
I continued to move the spoon around the cup, the sugar long dissolved by now. I was so lost in my own thought – Doc’s words swirling around in my brain.
“You’re thinking about going, aren’t you?” The brunette in front of me asked. “I know that look and that look tells me that you’re giving in.”
Hannah Hastings was the first person I met when I moved to South Carolina. She was an event planner – a free spirit in a Dynasty like world. She would spend hours on my couch, a bottle of wine being shared, as I spilled my entire life story into her lap. She knew all about my history with Nikki – how we met – our marriage – and the demise of our relationship.
I let out a sigh, “I don’t wanna go but something’s telling me that if I don’t –“ I paused. “If I don’t go, he’s gonna end up dead and then I’ll be blaming myself. At least if I go and say I tried and I don’t succeed, I won’t beat myself up if something does happen to him. Like – It’s not even a matter of if – it’s a matter of when.”  
“He was such an asshole though, Bryant. The man was toxic to you-“She reached across the table taking my hand in hers. “I don’t want to see you get hurt or worse. You know how drug addicts are – he could get violent and not even realize it until it’s too late.”
During the three years we were together, he never laid a hand on me. I was the one who had the heavy touch. Sure, we had awful arguments that pushed me to the point of slapping and pushing him away, but he always stormed off before touching me. The drugs at the time weren’t as hardcore as they are now though. I could walk in his house and come back out with a bullet hole this time. Hannah was right – drugs fucked with people’s brain – I’m sure Nikki was already there.
“Are you gonna tell Wyatt?”
I slumped back in my seat at the thought of telling my Uncle Wyatt. To say he hated Nikki would be an understatement. He warned me from the beginning that Nikki Sixx would be nothing but trouble, but I didn’t listen. He was used to guys like Nikki – being a kid from the wrong side of the tracks himself. He made a promise that he would do everything he could to protect me from men like Nikki. We only had each other and when Nikki came into the picture, the worst type of thoughts ran through his head. He knew what guys like Nikki did to girls like me – innocent until proven insane. It happened to my mother – her infatuation sending her straight to the grave.
“I figured I would just call him when I got to California-“Her eyes growing large. “You know so he can’t talk me out of it or worse come and get me.”
She shook her head in disbelief, “You know I love you and I’ll support you in any way –“I felt a “but” coming along. “But –“She smiled. “This is one decision I’m very wary about, Bryant.”
I felt the same way. I had multiple scenarios playing like film reels over and over in my head. Some pretty good while others resembled horror movies. Even I knew that Nikki’s reaction to seeing me would not be a good one. He broke my heart, and I broke his even worse. Besides the band, I was his only true constant. He barely had any family – his grandparents living states away – not even aware of their grandson’s antics. Sure, the art of touring and going to different states brought about groupies and so-called friends but he didn’t have anyone to call or return home to. I was that person for him.
“You and me both, sister…”
I waited for the line to connect – the operator being nice enough to connect me straight to his room. Doc and I didn’t really have a relationship. He was Motley’s manager and at the time I was just a wife. I was glad the guys had him at first – their success was growing like a wildfire but that was because of their drive for stardom – Doc was just there lending a helping hand. He was extremely pissed when I ended things with Nikki. His own mouth spewing curse words my way once Nikki was served with divorce papers.
It makes the band look bad when a member gets divorced.
Nikki refuses to get out of bed and it’s all your fucking fault.
Girls all over the world would stay with Nikki no matter what – cheating, drugs – Learn to turn a blind eye.
“Hello?” I sat straighter as Doc’s voice sounded – my thoughts suddenly escaping me. “Hello?”
“It’s me.” My voice cracking. “I – uh – I got your message.”
“Oh, thank God, Bryant.” He sounded relieved. “I was worried that I would miss your call –“He paused. “Or if you would even call at all.”
I stayed silent – not really up for conversation.
“Listen, I know this is a bit of a tall ask, but I really do need your help. Nikki – hell all the guys for that matter – are ticking fucking time bombs. Nikki’s clock is etching closer to midnight ever second the fucker breaths – and I pray every night that he’s still doing so. He’s high ever second of every day. He shoots up when he wakes and right before he passes out for the night. I have no idea what he’s even taking anymore. Shooting up, snorting, smoking – he’s the walking picture of Nancy Reagan’s campaign.”
My grip on the phone tightened as he spoke – realizing that he was more far gone than thought.
“I need you to come out here and help us deal with him. I think Doug and Fred can deal with the other three, but we can’t get through to Nikki. Fuck, it’s not even Nikki anymore that we’re dealing with. He’s so mean and terrible to be around. His moods go from zero to sixty – it’s even worse when he’s coming down. Poor Tommy’s getting married, and I can’t even imagine Nikki standing up there with him when he’s high off his ass. You’re the only one that I think can get through to him – he still loves you, Bryant.”
He still loves you, Bryant.
Maybe the old version of Nikki was still in love, but I can assure you the drugged-up version was only in love with his high. That was Doc’s way of trying to lure me in – telling me that Nikki still loved and cared about me. I still loved and cared for the guy too – the Nikki I met at a 7-Eleven almost 6 years ago. Pre-Motley Crue – before the fame, drugs, egos, and women.
“I’ll pay for your ticket out here and everything if you agree, Bryant.” He stressed. “I’m desperate – he’s gonna die if we don’t do something.”
I let out a sigh, closing my eyes, asking myself if I really wanted to do this. It was a constant battle with my head and my heart. My brain was yelling at me to tell Doc to fuck off, but my heart couldn’t deal with the thought of Nikki no longer being here. “You think seeing me will snap him out of this spiral?”
“I think seeing you will probably piss him off more but at least I know you’ll be there and have the chance to stop him.”
My brows furrowed at his comment, “You’re making it sound like I’m gonna be with him at all times?”
His silence confirming my question. “You can’t expect me to stay in the same house, hotel room, or wherever with Nikki –“
“That’s exactly what you’re going to do, Bryant.” He cut me off. “I need that man to have constant surveillance – can’t put a bodyguard in there with him. He needs to have someone that he’s familiar with – someone that’s gonna remain sober and not give into his advances.”
“Then why don’t you stay with him then?” My attitude starting to come out.
“I’d end up killing him and then all of this would be for nothing.”
I shook my head as I pulled the phone away from my ear. I could hear Doc’s voice as he continued to talk. “Listen-“ I spoke up, cutting his sentence off. “I will come out there but I’m only there for a week. Once that week is up, whether he’s getting help or not, I’m going back home.”
“That’s not gonna work, Bryant.” He huffed. “He gets more fucked up when he’s out on the road than he does at home. These fuckers waiting in back alleys and backstage – knowing that he’s looking to score – that’s where I need you the most.
I’d been on tour with Motley when they were first getting their feet wet. I watched as they performed their first gig at the Starwood and then when they were opening for bigger acts like Ozzy. Going on tour with four men – the four Motley men was not for the faint of heart. I saw more body parts than I cared to see. Drugs, alcohol, and women were being pushed in their direction – more so as their popularity grew than before. Nikki and I shared a bunk and even that got old after a while. Living with four men for months on end would cause any woman to eventually lose it. Nikki and I were constantly fighting. Hell, I was fighting with everyone, even Mick at times. This was their dream, and it was my absolute living hell.
“I don’t th-“
“What do I need to do so you will say yes? Walk on water – swallow arsenic? Please, Bryant. I have never been so desperate in all of my life.” His voice wavering. “You were in love with this man at one point – I believe you may still love him. Just remember the reason why you fell in love with Nikki and do it for that reason."
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triplexdoublex · 1 year
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I know I’ve been slacking writing so please enjoy this line I just wrote while at the gym 🥵💦
“Mmmm Fuck!” You cry out, your hips already bucking against his hand when his fingertips reach your G spot; each prod against it an erotic novel being written in Morse code.
*for context this is from the cuck fic. your dating Pete, but Colson is fingering you on Pete’s lap
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papercuts33 · 6 months
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.Roulette With My Heart.
Pairings: Colson Baker x Reader.
Warnings / Content: Alcohol, Mild Blood, Mild Violence, Gambling, Cheating, Suggestive Terms.
     (Y/N) placed another card down on the wooden table, facing another game of roulette. They were slowly climbing to the top of this game, yet wasting their life away. Their lips curl upwards into a small smile, complacent lines trace the futures of their beautiful face. Another card is flipped upwards on the table, spades. 
     “Better luck next time,” (Y/N) laughs weakly, waving their hand slightly at those trying to grab the cash from their hand. “I told y’all, better luck next time.” (Y/N) hisses between their teeth, venom drips from their slow yet firm words. 
      They turn around to walk out of the casino, but without warning, the grip of someone’s hand grabs for them from the darkness. (Y/N) muffles a scream as the figure places a hand over their mouth. “(Y/N), it’s me. Colson Baker.” 
    “Well, I’ll be, it’s Colson.” (Y/N) mocks, as Colson pushes them out into the back alleyway. Colson shoves (Y/N) against the brick wall as (Y/N) violently recoils with a flinch. “Cole, what the heck are you doing?!” 
   Colson’s calloused hands gently release (Y/N) neck. He leans inward to kiss (Y/N) with a slight restlessness, they fall into Colson’s firm embrace. “Where… the heck have you been?!” (Y/N) whispers, tears freckling in their eyes. In all honesty, they really hadn’t missed Colson at all. Yet, now that he is home... They never wanted him to leave. 
  “London, New York...” Colson states, he leans away and lights a cigarette. “Tour has kept us away for far too long.” He takes a puff of his cigarette, then leans in and kisses them much more roughly. His lips taste like the salt of tears. Of the bitterness of lost love. Of smoky cigarettes.       
   “Let me buy you a drink,” Colson offers, taking their pale hand into his own as he leads them back into the bustling bar. 
   “Depends on what kind of drink,” (Y/N) says darkly, engulfed by a wave of drunken people inside the bar. Colson gently protects them with his extended arm as they hurry through the thick mobs of people. 
   Finally, they make their way towards a small, wooden bar table in the back. Colson motions towards the obviously broken bar stool, (Y/N) cautiously takes a seat on it as it protests with loud squeaks. Colson sits down right next to (Y/N), the gaze of his ocean blue eyes vacantly set on studying the neon menu board. 
   “What are you in the mood for, babe?” Colson asks, slapping a wad of cash down upon the wooden table. His lips turn into a smirk. He calls out for a shot of whiskey and it’s immediately delivered to the table. 
    “Get me a cocktail.” (Y/N) demands sassily, their lips curl into a smirk as well - they reach over and grab for Colson’s calloused hand. “How long are you gonna stay now?” (Y/N) teases, they know he won’t stay for long - again, they don’t really understand how or why they missed him, he always plays roulette with their heart. 
    “You never know with me, baby.” Colson says he's still smirking in a way that causes (Y/N) stomach to churn inside. He squeezes their hand back and leans forward to press kisses on their temple. 
   A bartender walks over and places a cocktail glass onto the table - (Y/N) reaches for it and takes a long sip of the fruity concoction before glancing back up at Colson. 
   “Heard you’re with a new girl?” (Y/N) murmurs, they’re not particularly surprised - Colson has finished his shot of whiskey and stares blankly at the empty glass - (Y/N) taps their fingers impatiently on the wooden table and pushes their cocktail away. 
   “Why don’t we go on a walk?” Colson suggests, he just wants to get away - go somewhere. Colson pulls (Y/N) up, with his arm tightly around their waist - keeping them close against him. (Y/N) shadily pulls their hood up and slips on some black sunglasses - they have very slight hope to keep the clusters of paparazzi away from either themself or Cole. 
    “Colson? Colson Baker!” A paparazzi member sticks a microphone into their face violently and it collides with their upper lip - stars freckled through their blurry gaze. “Oh, fuck -!” (Y/N) startles and hurriedly holds a hand to their bleeding mouth. With stars in their eyes, they stumble backwards and collapse to the wooden floor - paparazzi swarms all around them. 
     Colson starts to retreat from within the bar but, when he notices that they’ve fallen, he instantly runs back to their side - seeing the tears falling down their glassy skin. “Oh god - you’re bleeding.” They can barely hear his soft murmur of a voice over the general deafening chatter of the bar - they look into his crystal blue eyes and he wipes the trickle of blood from underneath their nose. “Babe, you’re bleeding a lot.” Colson whispers softly, he grabs a wad of tissues from his pocket and gently dabs at their bloody lips - The tissues sops with blood and Colson grimaces. Paparazzi swarms closer and Colson shoves them all away, he shouts. “C’mon! They’re bleeding! Leave them the heck alone!” Colson burns with fury - he shuffles his feet and scoops you up in a bridal carry. Squeezing you to his tattooed, bare chest as he jogs out swiftly from the bar - proceeding to slam the door loudly right in the paparazzi's face. 
   “Shh... Baby girl, you’re alright.” Colson whispers, as they rest their head soundly in the crook of his neck - some dried blood smears on his bare skin. He kisses them and they wrap their arms tightly around his neck. 
  Rain begins falling heavily - and they shiver as Colson pulls them underneath the awning of the casino. (Y/N) tilts their face towards the gray sky, and feels cooling rain-droplets freckle their face. A shadow-y figure slowly approaches all of a sudden and cozies herself unnervingly close to Cole. 
   “Cols,” She purrs softly and kisses him on the lips, her slim hands with those perfectly manicured finger-nails suggestively trace the muscles on Colson’s bare chest. She attempts to kiss him again but Colson leans away nervously, his gaze flickering back and forth between her and them.   
   “M-Megan?” Colson questions in confusion and his hands immediately shoot up to push her away from him - She looks almost offended and her lips curl into a disgusted expression. 
  “Blonde angel, who the hell is that?” She coos smoothly, pushing back her perfectly styled jet black hair - she cups their face like a baby and playfully pinches at their cheeks, as if to mock them. (Y/N) automatically backs away, and rips her soft hand away from where it had been pinching their cheek. “Blonde angel, what the heck?” They challenge, their eyes flashing with anger as Megan begins to back off as she scoffs in a rude manner, swiftly fixing the creases in her leopard print mini-skirt. 
   (Y/N) tosses their head sassily, and their curls become slightly wild - their tongue pokes out slightly from between their lips. “I’m his girlfriend.” They say in an offended tone, they flip their hand into their air and swivel their hips - they light a blunt and begin nervously smoking it. 
     “Oh, sweetheart. I’m his wife.” She purrs, holding her slim hand up into the air to reveal it is decorated by one expensive ring and in the background, they can see a soft smile playing on Colson’s lips. He kisses Megan’s temple and traces her smirking lips as she cuddles into Colson’s embrace. “He’s my blonde angel baby.” She says sexily, messing her fingers through his soft, blonde curls. Colson nods in slight agreement, and flashes a tattoo on his forearm that says. ‘Megan Fox.’ He laughs evilly and continues kissing Megan’s puckered lips. “I’m genuinely surprised you didn’t see this coming, babe.” He says sadly, his blue eyes flashing with just a tiny hint of regret. 
    “You are a whore. Playing me like that.” (Y/N) hisses, they raise their hand and give Colson a firm smack across his awaiting cheek - He barely even flinches but leans forward to cup their face, they flinch away but Colson grabs them roughly by their pink choker. Megan watches on from the side, her face filled with lust and evil intent. She cheers him on. “C’mon, babe. Show that little slut who’s boss!” She encourages as Colson shakes them aggressively and they violently struggle to escape from him. Finally, he releases his threatening grip and drops (Y/N) right down to the wet concrete. They stare up at him and Megan, their eyes filling with tears that beg to escape as they choke out the last words which would ever be said to Colson Baker.
     “I’m begging you, stop playing roulette with my heart.” 
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jenniferswhor3 · 1 year
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someone send recs pls !!! i’m so uninspired rn :/
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findingmyself08 · 8 months
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.Roulette With My Heart.
Pairings: Colson Baker x Reader.
Warnings / Content: Alcohol, Mild Blood, Mild Violence, Gambling, Cheating, Suggestive Terms.
     (Y/N) placed another card down on the wooden table, facing another game of roulette. They were slowly climbing to the top of this game, yet wasting their life away. Their lips curl upwards into a small smile, complacent lines trace the futures of their beautiful face. Another card is flipped upwards on the table, spades. 
     “Better luck next time,” (Y/N) laughs weakly, waving their hand slightly at those trying to grab the cash from their hand. “I told y’all, better luck next time.” (Y/N) hisses between their teeth, venom drips from their slow yet firm words. 
      They turn around to walk out of the casino, but without warning, the grip of someone’s hand grabs for them from the darkness. (Y/N) muffles a scream as the figure places a hand over their mouth. “(Y/N), it’s me. Colson Baker.” 
    “Well, I’ll be, it’s Colson.” (Y/N) mocks, as Colson pushes them out into the back alleyway. Colson shoves (Y/N) against the brick wall as (Y/N) violently recoils with a flinch. “Cole, what the heck are you doing?!” 
   Colson’s calloused hands gently release (Y/N) neck. He leans inward to kiss (Y/N) with a slight restlessness, they fall into Colson’s firm embrace. “Where… the heck have you been?!” (Y/N) whispers, tears freckling in their eyes. In all honesty, they really hadn’t missed Colson at all. Yet, now that he is home... They never wanted him to leave. 
  “London, New York...” Colson states, he leans away and lights a cigarette. “Tour has kept us away for far too long.” He takes a puff of his cigarette, then leans in and kisses them much more roughly. His lips taste like the salt of tears. Of the bitterness of lost love. Of smoky cigarettes.       
   “Let me buy you a drink,” Colson offers, taking their pale hand into his own as he leads them back into the bustling bar. 
   “Depends on what kind of drink,” (Y/N) says darkly, engulfed by a wave of drunken people inside the bar. Colson gently protects them with his extended arm as they hurry through the thick mobs of people. 
   Finally, they make their way towards a small, wooden bar table in the back. Colson motions towards the obviously broken bar stool, (Y/N) cautiously takes a seat on it as it protests with loud squeaks. Colson sits down right next to (Y/N), the gaze of his ocean blue eyes vacantly set on studying the neon menu board. 
   “What are you in the mood for, babe?” Colson asks, slapping a wad of cash down upon the wooden table. His lips turn into a smirk. He calls out for a shot of whiskey and it’s immediately delivered to the table. 
    “Get me a cocktail.” (Y/N) demands sassily, their lips curl into a smirk as well - they reach over and grab for Colson’s calloused hand. “How long are you gonna stay now?” (Y/N) teases, they know he won’t stay for long - again, they don’t really understand how or why they missed him, he always plays roulette with their heart. 
    “You never know with me, baby.” Colson says he's still smirking in a way that causes (Y/N) stomach to churn inside. He squeezes their hand back and leans forward to press kisses on their temple. 
   A bartender walks over and places a cocktail glass onto the table - (Y/N) reaches for it and takes a long sip of the fruity concoction before glancing back up at Colson. 
   “Heard you’re with a new girl?” (Y/N) murmurs, they’re not particularly surprised - Colson has finished his shot of whiskey and stares blankly at the empty glass - (Y/N) taps their fingers impatiently on the wooden table and pushes their cocktail away. 
   “Why don’t we go on a walk?” Colson suggests, he just wants to get away - go somewhere. Colson pulls (Y/N) up, with his arm tightly around their waist - keeping them close against him. (Y/N) shadily pulls their hood up and slips on some black sunglasses - they have very slight hope to keep the clusters of paparazzi away from either themself or Cole. 
    “Colson? Colson Baker!” A paparazzi member sticks a microphone into their face violently and it collides with their upper lip - stars freckled through their blurry gaze. “Oh, fuck -!” (Y/N) startles and hurriedly holds a hand to their bleeding mouth. With stars in their eyes, they stumble backwards and collapse to the wooden floor - paparazzi swarms all around them. 
     Colson starts to retreat from within the bar but, when he notices that they’ve fallen, he instantly runs back to their side - seeing the tears falling down their glassy skin. “Oh god - you’re bleeding.” They can barely hear his soft murmur of a voice over the general deafening chatter of the bar - they look into his crystal blue eyes and he wipes the trickle of blood from underneath their nose. “Babe, you’re bleeding a lot.” Colson whispers softly, he grabs a wad of tissues from his pocket and gently dabs at their bloody lips - The tissues sops with blood and Colson grimaces. Paparazzi swarms closer and Colson shoves them all away, he shouts. “C’mon! They’re bleeding! Leave them the heck alone!” Colson burns with fury - he shuffles his feet and scoops you up in a bridal carry. Squeezing you to his tattooed, bare chest as he jogs out swiftly from the bar - proceeding to slam the door loudly right in the paparazzi's face. 
   “Shh... Baby girl, you’re alright.” Colson whispers, as they rest their head soundly in the crook of his neck - some dried blood smears on his bare skin. He kisses them and they wrap their arms tightly around his neck. 
  Rain begins falling heavily - and they shiver as Colson pulls them underneath the awning of the casino. (Y/N) tilts their face towards the gray sky, and feels cooling rain-droplets freckle their face. A shadow-y figure slowly approaches all of a sudden and cozies herself unnervingly close to Cole. 
   “Cols,” She purrs softly and kisses him on the lips, her slim hands with those perfectly manicured finger-nails suggestively trace the muscles on Colson’s bare chest. She attempts to kiss him again but Colson leans away nervously, his gaze flickering back and forth between her and them.   
   “M-Megan?” Colson questions in confusion and his hands immediately shoot up to push her away from him - She looks almost offended and her lips curl into a disgusted expression. 
  “Blonde angel, who the hell is that?” She coos smoothly, pushing back her perfectly styled jet black hair - she cups their face like a baby and playfully pinches at their cheeks, as if to mock them. (Y/N) automatically backs away, and rips her soft hand away from where it had been pinching their cheek. “Blonde angel, what the heck?” They challenge, their eyes flashing with anger as Megan begins to back off as she scoffs in a rude manner, swiftly fixing the creases in her leopard print mini-skirt. 
   (Y/N) tosses their head sassily, and their curls become slightly wild - their tongue pokes out slightly from between their lips. “I’m his girlfriend.” They say in an offended tone, they flip their hand into their air and swivel their hips - they light a blunt and begin nervously smoking it. 
     “Oh, sweetheart. I’m his wife.” She purrs, holding her slim hand up into the air to reveal it is decorated by one expensive ring and in the background, they can see a soft smile playing on Colson’s lips. He kisses Megan’s temple and traces her smirking lips as she cuddles into Colson’s embrace. “He’s my blonde angel baby.” She says sexily, messing her fingers through his soft, blonde curls. Colson nods in slight agreement, and flashes a tattoo on his forearm that says. ‘Megan Fox.’ He laughs evilly and continues kissing Megan’s puckered lips. “I’m genuinely surprised you didn’t see this coming, babe.” He says sadly, his blue eyes flashing with just a tiny hint of regret. 
    “You are a whore. Playing me like that.” (Y/N) hisses, they raise their hand and give Colson a firm smack across his awaiting cheek - He barely even flinches but leans forward to cup their face, they flinch away but Colson grabs them roughly by their pink choker. Megan watches on from the side, her face filled with lust and evil intent. She cheers him on. “C’mon, babe. Show that little slut who’s boss!” She encourages as Colson shakes them aggressively and they violently struggle to escape from him. Finally, he releases his threatening grip and drops (Y/N) right down to the wet concrete. They stare up at him and Megan, their eyes filling with tears that beg to escape as they choke out the last words which would ever be said to Colson Baker.
     “I’m begging you, stop playing roulette with my heart.” 
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cockpunchlore · 10 months
Text
ⓒⓞⓜⓟⓛⓘⓒⓐⓣⓔⓓ
ps.  loosely based off the lyrics to my ♥ ex's best friend ♥ a little out of context [ᴏʙᴠɪᴏᴜsʟʏ]
Synopsis:
The silence was deafening inside Matthew’s car as it sped through the neon blaze of the New York starscape.
He had agreed to drive Colson back from the studio. Well, he had offered, because Colson’s license was suspended, and he knew that. aside from that, what else was there to do at 2 am. He hadn’t slept in days and he doubted that tonight it would go any differently but he knew that just about anything would’ve been better than having to go back home.
Matthew’s eyes stayed fixed on the steady streams of red and yellow traffic. Though as he drove he became acutely aware of Colson’s presence in the passenger side of his black range rover, ears tuned in at the slightest sounds from the man next to him. The low rustlings of leather on fabric as Colson readjusted in his seat, the clink of metal when he ran ringed fingers through his hair, and the faintest sigh he made whenever he exhaled his clouds of smoke.
He wondered if Colson knew that he did that. if he also felt the shift in the air as it grew hot with rising tension.
Most of all he wondered whether he was aware of the effect he still had on the younger man but just never spoke of it.
As he flicked out the last of his cigarette Colson’s eyes stayed glued to the side window. More particularly the reflection it showed of the boy that sat across him. The night distorting Matthew into a thousand pieces and then back together again as the lights changed all shades of neon.
He looked so tempting with those dented eyes. They never left their gaze from the windshield but he wondered what he was really thinking about.
If he was thinking about him.
Did he still mean the words he said two summers ago. Did he still want nothing to do with Colson. Did their past still revolve around him the same way it haunted him. he wondered if he had become invisible to Matthews's eyes.
If too much time had passed.
Sure, they had hung out a few odd instances within those times but never alone. Even tonight, in the studio, there was always someone else around. 
one thing is for certain, that going home was the last thing on his mind.
He wanted to say sorry. To apologise for the way he let things end and explain to him the real reason everything felt so complicated back then. To tell him he still felt the same way he did back then and wanted nothing more than to reach over the stirring wheel and taste him right there.
These words were much harder to say out loud than to Matthew’s reflection, mouthed unheard.
They had got off the highway when Matthew briefly broke the silence. He had mumbled something about needing to put on google maps after fiddling for his phone before finally letting his eyes drift down from the road.
They were minutes away from Colson’s hotel and Matthew had its address memorised.
But he typed it in.
The quiet was excruciating but he would still rather that than nothing at all.
He wished he could play pretend just a little while longer, pretend the damage hadn’t already been done and we didn’t go our separate ways. He wished he had said nothing at all back then. Which was what surprised even himself once he uttered his next words.
“is it wrong if I come up with you?”
They cut right through the quiet, interrupting Colson’s unheard apologies.
He hadn’t noticed till now that the car had come to a stop and stood parked across the road from the hotel he was staying at. The sound of tires against the road was replaced with the soft hum of the breeze hitting leaves that bought in the cold night air through his window, still left open.
Matthew let his eyes meet Colson’s.
“yes” he had said “please come”
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hollywoodxwhore · 1 year
Text
KINKTOBER DAY 12: Period Sex
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Colson x Female Reader
Double posting because it's October 30th and I'm on day 12 of Kinktober. Oops. Also, I totally messed up writing this in terms of tenses and points of view. I edited it a million times but there's a good chance I still missed some stuff. 18+, enjoy!
Also - this is meant to be part 2 to the fingering Kinktober fic where reader and Kells are best friends who start hooking up.
After Colson proved to you that fingering was way better than you could’ve ever thought possible, you continued to hook up. You were having fun, so much fun that he invited you on tour with him. You were riding on the bus, curled up in your bunk with a stomach-ache, trying to distract yourself with your phone. A text from Colson popped up on your screen: Come to my bunk?
Okay you replied, carefully getting out of bed. You were sure he wanted to fuck, but god, your stomach hurt. Once you stood up, you quickly realized why. Groaning, you fished in your suitcase for a tampon, clean underwear, and a pair of loose sweats. 
Once you were changed, you flopped into Colson’s bunk and curled around yourself. He rolled towards you, frowning. “You okay?” he asked. 
“No,” you grumbled. “My uterus wants me to die.”
Colson winced. “Oh. I’m sorry,” he said. “What do you need?”
“Cuddles.” You pouted. Colson shifted, pulling you onto his chest. You closed your eyes and tried to breathe through the cramps. You’d always had painful periods so this was nothing new, but it sucked each and every time it happened.
“Hey,” Colson said.
“What’s up?” you replied, pressing your palm to your lower stomach. 
“Don’t kill me for what I’m about to say,” he said, and you pulled your head back to look in his eyes. He smiled sheepishly. “I’ve heard an orgasm helps cramps.”
You rolled your eyes. “If you think I’m having sex with you right now, you’re on crack,” you said, and he chuckled.
“We don’t have to have sex,” he said. “You don’t even need to take your clothes off for me to make you come.”
You studied his face for a long moment, considering. “Fine,” you said finally. “But can you use my vibrator?”
Colson chuckled and nodded. “Whatever you want, princess,” he said teasingly. You rolled your eyes. 
“It’s in my suitcase.” Colson saluted you and climbed out of his bunk.
Minutes later, Colson climbed back into his bunk and lay down beside you, fishing in his pocket to remove the little pink bullet. He smirked, making you blush.
“How often do you use this?” he asked
You covered your face with one hand. “More before you and I started sleeping together,” you admitted.
“How often?” he asked again, tugging your hand away from your face.
“Col,” you complained.
“What?” Colson asked in mock-offense. “Excuse me if the thought of you using this on yourself gets me hard as a fucking rock.” He reached down to grip himself over his shorts for emphasis. 
You bit your lip, distracted by his hand for a moment. You forced yourself to meet his eyes. “Daily,” you answered finally.
Colson smirked. “Don’t be embarrassed,” he said with a smirk.
“You like the thought of me using that, huh?” you asked, scooting closer to him.
Colson grinned. “Hell yeah, I do,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss you softly. “I like the idea of me using it on you even more, though.”
You shifted onto your back and looked at him. “Nothing inside, okay?” you said.
Colson nodded. “Trust me, I know,” he said. With that, he sat up and got between your legs, lifting them to settle on top of his thighs. Gently, he tugged your hips closer, spreading your legs further. You watched his face with your lip between your teeth.
A soft buzzing sound filled the bunk area when Colson turned on the vibrator and your breath hitched when he pressed it gently to your thigh, tracing it up closer and closer to where you wanted it. You watched the bullet’s ascent of your body, eyes flicking to Colson’s. He watched you intently and your cheeks flushed, but then your lips parted when he placed the vibrator right where you needed it.  
Colson smirked, lips slightly parted, and flicked his eyes down before gripping the waistband of your sweats and yanking them down below your ass. Satisfied, he finally pressed the vibrator to your clit, through your panties. You groaned softly, closing your eyes as your hips shifted. Colson held the bullet still for a moment before moving it slowly side to side. 
You looked up at him, staring into his dark eyes. “How’s that feel?” he asked huskily. Your response was a soft whimper as he circled the bullet around your clit just right, making your back arch. 
You lifted your hips, grinding up against the vibrator, following the pleasure. You were speechless but sounds were fighting to leave you as the vibrations rippled through you. Colson could obviously tell and he smirked down at you. 
“God, you look so beautiful,” he murmured, “and so sexy when you can’t scream like you want to.” 
A small whimper left you and then Colson leaned over you to kiss you. The kiss was a relief and you moaned into his mouth, clenching your fingers in his hair as his tongue teased yours. You were starting to get close, and you were panting when he broke the kiss.
“You close, baby?” he asked, eyes scanning your face. All you could do was nod and gasp, trying hard not to moan. “Fuck, you look so sexy.”
You were shaking hard, legs trembling against his hips and back arching upwards. Your legs clamped around his hand as the pleasure became all-encompassing. Your heart thudded hard in your chest and you gasped, thrusting upwards as you started to come. Just as you started to moan, Colson’s mouth was on yours again. You whimpered into his mouth, hips jerking as you came hard. 
Just as it became too much, Colson switched off the vibrator but he continued to rub it lightly against your clit, causing your hips to jerk up at the aftershocks. Colson chuckled softly into your mouth as you whined and squirmed, overstimulated. Finally, he sat up and pulled the vibrator back. You stared up at him, chest heaving. 
Colson chuckled again and traced a gentle hand down your side. “You okay?” he asked. 
You swallowed hard and nodded, throwing your arm over your face as you came down. You didn’t trust your own voice not to be shaky and ragged, so you stayed quiet. Instantly, your cramps faded and you blew out a relieved breath. 
Colson smiled and set the vibrator on the bed before curling up beside you. “Better?” he asked.
“Much,” you whispered once you’d finally calmed down a little. “Fuck.”
Colson grinned, nuzzling into your shoulder. His large hand covered your lower stomach and you covered his hand with your own. He hummed happily and kissed your neck softly. You rolled your head over and kissed his forehead. “Hey,” you said.
“Hm?”
“Are you hard?” you asked.
Colson chuckled. “As a fucking rock,” he admitted. 
You sat up then and he looked at you in confusion. “I’m going to go clean up,” you said, “and when I get back, you’re going to be naked.”
Colson’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly but he just nodded. You didn’t think he was used to someone telling him what to do. You smirked and climbed out of the bunk. When you returned a few minutes later, Colson had followed your instructions and he lay on his back, arm behind his head, his other hand wrapped around his dick. 
You climbed in and slid the door shut, eyes raking all over his naked body. You straddled his hips immediately and swatted his hand away so you could curl both of your hands around him, and even with both of your hands wrapped around his cock, it didn’t even all fit in your hands. “Has anyone ever told you you have a huge dick?” you asked. 
Colson laughed breathlessly and smirked. “A few,” he said. “Do you like it?”
You bit your lip. “Never thought I cared,” you admitted, “but something about it with you…it drives me fucking crazy.”
Colson bit his lip and watched you. “Good,” he rasped. 
You smirked down at him and shifted so you were hovering over him, eyes on his as you swiped your tongue flat over the tip. Colson shivered and pushed a hand into your hair. You sat up just a little. “Colson,” you said. “I want you to be rough with me.”
“Fuck,” Colson muttered, and swallowed hard. “Are you sure?”
You nodded. He wetted his lips and nodded, too, and when you sank down on his dick, he guided your head. Once you’d taken him as deep as you could, your throat protested, but he held your head down. Your eyes watered, but it was exactly what you wanted. Your vision started to ebb and he finally released your head. You gasped for air, panting, and Colson looked momentarily worried, but then you took him into your mouth again and bobbed your head, meeting his eyes. 
“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, jaw clenching. He looked stunned, and if possible, his dick got even harder in your mouth. You hummed around him and pulled out every trick you knew, working him up. He moaned quietly, brow furrowing. 
You pulled off of him. “Col,” you said.
“Yeah?” he breathed.
“Can you do me a favor?”
“Anything,” he said. 
“I want you to fuck my mouth,” you said. 
Colson actually whimpered at that. “Holy fuck,” he said. “Of course.” You’d never seen him so flustered and you loved it. You smirked and took him in your mouth again. His hand sank into your hair and he started to lift his hips, slow at first, and when you moaned around him, faster. His moans grew louder but either he didn’t care about others hearing him or he couldn't control it. 
Your throat felt raw as he fucked up into your mouth fast and hard until he finally gasped and held your head still as he came. You swallowed him down, nails digging into the meat of his thighs. Colson shuddered hard and settled his hips back down. You pulled off of him and wiped your mouth. Colson stared at you in awe, jaw dropped, and you giggled. 
“Y/N,” he croaked. 
You wiped your eyes and looked down at him, waiting for a response.
“I need you to take that shit out and let me fuck you,” he said.
Your stomach dipped and your lips parted. “Colson-”
“I don’t give a fuck that you’re on your period,” he said. “I need you.”
“O-okay,” you stammered, fumbling to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. You returned with a towel which Colson hastily laid down before tossing you onto my back and nearly ripping your clothes off. He hitched your legs on his hips and got close to you before finally pausing. 
His eyes studied your face. “Sorry. That was fast,” he breathed. “Do you want to?”
You nodded. “Yes,” you said honestly, sliding your arms around his neck. “If you don’t mind.”
“I couldn’t care less,” he said, and kissed you. You whined softly as he pressed inside you, and you clenched around him immediately, still sensitive from the intensity of your orgasm earlier. Colson groaned into your mouth and cursed, and then he started fucking you, hard. 
You couldn’t control the moan that left you, but Colson swallowed it in his kiss, hips moving against yours effortlessly. You couldn’t help but notice that it felt like your bodies were made for one another, the way you fit so perfectly. Colson hoisted your hips higher, angling your body so he could get even deeper, and it felt so good that your eyes rolled back. You gasped when Colson’s soft lips met your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses on the sensitive skin. 
“Y/N,” he murmured, sinking his teeth lightly into your collarbone. You hissed in pleasure and pain, hips jerking against his, and he moaned. “Fuck, you feel so good.”
“You too,” you told him, digging your nails lightly into his back. “Fuck, let me get on top.”
Colson flipped you over effortlessly and you pressed your hands to his chest as you started to bounce on him, lips parting in pleasure. You’d never ridden someone with such a huge cock, but it didn’t hurt. It reached everything perfectly, filling you so completely that every movement was pure pleasure. Colson’s fingers dug into the flesh of your ass as you moved together.
After a moment, he sat up, pulling you flush to him, helping to wrap your legs around his waist. He kissed you for a long few moments, and then you leaned back for leverage so you could roll your hips forward. Colson looked between your bodies, watching his cock disappear inside you over and over, and he moaned. 
“Jesus Christ,” he gasped, lifting his eyes to meet yours. You panted as you moved, staring back at him. “God, you’re the best I’ve ever had,” he said, and you swore you could’ve come right there. You never really realized how much you liked being talked to during sex, especially when Colson’s low voice was praising you constantly. 
Colson growled and shoved you backwards so he was on top again, and then he pounded between your legs so hard that you cried out. He covered your mouth with his, biting at your lip as he fucked you so hard that your body moved up the bed slightly. Colson was nearly animalistic in the way he fucked you, one hand clenched so tightly around your hip that you would definitely have finger-shaped bruises tomorrow. But he would have gashes in his back from the way your nails were digging into the soft skin. 
It was like he had completely lost control, forgetting that you were on a bus with his bandmates, but it wasn’t your fault that moans slipped out. It was too good and too hard for you to be quiet, but Colson smirked every time you made a sound, so it was clear he liked it. When someone pounded on the wall and whooped, Colson laughed devilishly. You were a little nervous at the fact that you’d basically been caught, but you barely had time to think about it because your orgasm was coming so fast that your head was spinning.
“Keep those pretty eyes open when you come on my cock,” Colson demanded, curling his hand around your neck. As your orgasm hit, your eyes begged to close, but you forced them open, staring into his blue eyes, hips jerking as you came around his dick, and then Colson stuttered out a gasp, pulling his hips back so he could jerk off onto your stomach. He groaned, brow furrowing as he painted your skin white. 
You were panting hard as you watched him, and he collapsed beside you with a grunt. Neither of you could breathe evenly for a few minutes. Finally, Colson grabbed the towel from beneath you and wiped off your stomach. Your legs were shaking so hard that you didn’t want to move, but you knew you needed to. You were still on your period, after all. 
Colson glanced down at his dick and smirked. You noticed, too, and your cheeks turned red. “Oh god. Sorry,” you said, covering your face when you noticed the blood.
“Is it weird that I don’t mind it?” Colson asked. 
“I mean, you’re weird in general,” you teased tiredly. 
Colson flipped you off, then cleaned himself up. “Here,” he said, handing you his t-shirt. You slid it on, glad it went down to your thighs, and hauled yourself out of the bunk to clean up again. You returned on shaky legs, completely exhausted. Colson was beneath the blankets already, and he lifted up the blanket for you to slide in beside him. You bit back a smile, and after sliding your panties on, you crawled in beside him.  He pressed a kiss to your forehead and held me to his chest. Neither of you said anything as you drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.
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grimoireofhayley · 9 months
Text
Of Friends and Horror
Stu Macher x Fem!Reader x Billy Loomis
WARNINGS: Graphic content, Smut (MINORS DNI), Language, Talks of SA, Cheating, Obsessiveness, Gore, 18+ Content, Stalking, Possessiveness, Dirty talk, Religion talk, Suppressed Mental Health problems (I.e., reader has some issues that she isn't aware of)
Word Count: 1k
Tag List: @ev3ningrain @nerdytif @fanfic-enjoyer123 @darkenwolfie @juda-the-simp @colsons-baker @junnniiieee07 @octaviablakeslove
A/n: YES, two chapters in one night? Let’s gooo! I was squealing and kicking my feet like any normal 23 year old would writing Fanfiction, lmao. This is by far my favourite chapter ever written, let me know what you think! Did I get Billy’s personality a-okay?
All chapter links! 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
OF&H Masterlist
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Chapter 9
Billy ignored your attempt at trying to help him, though, it was true, it wasn’t entirely…
He did kill Casey and Steve that night, but he didn’t do it alone, Stu was with him, he did just as much as he did. After the slaughtering was done, he made it clear to Stu that he needed an alibi, hence his short and brief sexual encounter with Sidney before he went to your house for ‘help.’
Billy hated how you were covering for him despite not knowing what was happening, you were smart, but stupid, stupid enough to believe him. You knew better than to do that. However, what he didn’t get was why Stu decided to go to your place, when he knew Billy was going to try and murder Sidney tonight.
He overheard other officers talking about another incident involving the ghost face that took place at your house, something about a heart in a box and a mask that was found… But how could Stu be this dense?
“Officer, I didn’t kill anybody.” Billy defended himself, not wanting to stay the night locked away, especially with his slip up at Sidney’s and Stu’s arrogance because the cops now know there’s two of them instead of one.
“This is bullshit.” You slammed your fist down, startling the taller-male. “He didn’t kill anyone…” Your ears started to flare red.
Officer Brinks drummed his fingers on his lap, “I’m sorry, are you his girlfriend or something? Why are you still here, interfering with my interrogation?”
Your heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of ‘girlfriend.’
“I-I’m not his girlfriend…” You stuttered, “You couldn’t tell by the way he was talking about Sidney? Sidney is his girlfriend…” You licked your lips, looking away, confidence coming back. “I’m just a really good friend who strongly believes he didn’t do it… I mean, the evidence is there. So, why would he try to kill his girlfriend?” You gave the officer a side-eye.
He coughs, clearing his throat, ignoring your comments.
“We’re gonna have to hold you, son, until we get those phone records.” Brinks explains, making Billy look down, upset. A small tear rolling down his cheek as he shakes his leg, nerves taking control of his body.
“This is crazy,” Billy murmurs, turning away, looking at Sidney through the glass pane. “You know that? I didn’t do it.” He finishes.
You step in front of the window, closing the blinds, shielding Billy from Sidney’s scared gaze. “Bil, look at me…” You mumble, taking your index finger and placing it under his chin, tilting his head upwards to look at you. “Can you two give us a moment…” You asked both Hank and Brinks, “Please?”
They nodded, understandingly, leaving the two of you alone.
“I know you didn’t do it and the police will find out soon enough that you didn’t do it, that you didn’t make those calls.” You reassured your friend, trying to cheer him up, “I’m sure it’s all just a big misunderstanding; you know, wrong place wrong time.” You smiled, and for a second, Billy’s eyes softened, his big-brown orbs looked at you with a glint of love and temptation; a hint of possessiveness lingering in them. If only you knew that it was him, that he was the Ghost Face, that these tears and sudden relations with Sidney was all a facade, nothing but lies, he wanted you and only you, he wanted this to be all done, but his revenge was far greater than any feelings he ever had, or was it?
“Billy, honestly, I know you better than any of them; better than Sidney, your father and the police…” You pucker your lips, a small giggle falling from them. “If it was you, I’d know, right? You’d call me to come help with the bodies.” You joked, “We’re a team. We always will be.” You ran your hand through his hair, playing with it, “I would do anything for you.” You blushed, still playing with his strands of brown.
Right then and there, he knew.
“Forgive me…” He whispers.
You were confused, but that quickly faded as his lips crashed into yours.
Your grip tightened in his hair out of surprise as he cups your face, kissing you with such force you’ve never seen him do with Sidney.
He knocked the chair over with his body, tumbling forward in the process. His lips never leave your now plump and swollen ones as you kiss back.
You stumbled into the window from Billy’s movement, a quiet thud emitting around the atmosphere.
He moved his hand from your chin, pressing you harder against the pane, the blinds moving ever-so-slightly, but not enough to reveal the heated session surfacing.
He roughly grabs your sides, making your gown shuffle upwards, his thumbs pressing into your skin, leaving dents. It was painful, but also very rewarding. There were sure to be bruises there tomorrow.
“B-Billy…” You moaned, feeling him press his knee against your cunt, a shrill of excitement bubbling inside the pit of your stomach
He continued to kiss you, his face pink with lust, his eyes undressing you, slowly devouring you whole.
“You have no idea how long I waited to do that…” He started breathlessly, letting go of you, but not completely as he fiddled with the hems of your nightgown.
‘God, why am I now just noticing what she’s wearing?’ He thought, biting the tip of his thumb, soaking in your beauty, his one hand never leaving its grasp on you.
You bit your lip, realization finally hitting you in the face like a bunch of bricks.
“Oh, god…” You whispered, “I-I… We can’t…” You mumbled, pushing away, “I have to go…”
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storiesforallfandoms · 7 months
Text
all the mistakes ~ machine gun kelly
word count: 2866
request?: yes!
“I just started reading your stuff and I'm in love with the Colson stories!
I was wondering if you could do Colson x reader. Reader finds out she's pregnant by Colson and he doesn't think he's ready to be a dad again and abandons reader but then realizes a couple months later that he's truly in love with her and does everything he can to win her back?
If not, it's okay.. thank you ❤️”
description: in which he comes to apologize for all the mistakes he’s made leading up to the birth of their child
pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader
warnings: swearing, child birth (not in detail obviously), lil angsty and sad but it ends happy, rpf (if you don’t like it don’t read)
masterlist (one, two, three)
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Colson always said he wanted another kid. Especially once Casie started to go through her pre-teen years and he found himself wishing she was still a baby again. He and (Y/N) had talked about it so many times, and they had both agreed that they wanted to have a baby together.
So why did he run away when she actually got pregnant?
Colson could still remember it all so vividly: the look of happiness on (Y/N)’s face when she showed him the positive pregnancy test, the heavy feeling in his stomach that turned to panic that rose into his throat, the sound of (Y/N)’s voice as he grabbed some of his things and left without another word. He could remember the sound of his phone constantly chiming as (Y/N) tried to text and call him, until finally he had to put her contact on mute. It didn’t take her long to give up trying to contact him, though.
He didn’t know why he did it. He had been asked by so many people - his boys, his mom, Ash, even Casie herself - but he had no answer. When (Y/N) first told him she wanted to have kids with him, he had been so excited. So where did his sudden panic come from when it actually happened? Why was he suddenly so doubtful over his ability to be a father again?
He couldn’t bring himself to go back. He was embarrassed for the way he reacted, and he thought (Y/N) wouldn’t take him back anyways. Not that he blamed her. How could she take back the man who got her pregnant and then ran out on her? Because of his reluctance and fear of rejection, Colson didn’t see (Y/N) for months. And he would’ve kept it that way if it wasn’t for Casie throwing his car keys at him and forcing him out of the house.
“You have to go see her,” Casie said as she slammed the door in her father’s face and locked it.
“You gave me my keys, Cas, I can get back in,” he pointed out.
She held up the house key that usually hung on Colson’s keyring. “I took it off. You’re not getting back in until you go see (Y/N) and apologize for being stupid.”
“She’s not gonna wanna see me.”
“You don’t know that! She’s carrying your child, and I’d doubt she seriously wants that kid to grow up without a dad.”
Colson didn’t want to admit that he thought (Y/N) probably got rid of the baby the second he walked out on her. “Cas, come on, just let me back in.”
But Casie just crossed her arms and glared at him. After a few minutes, Colson sighed and rolled his eyes. There was no use in trying to get back in unless he did exactly what Casie wanted, so he went to his car and drove the familiar route to get to (Y/N)’s place.
At least I can get the rejection over with quickly and get back into my own house, he thought to himself.
Pulling up to her house, Colson started picturing the night he left again. He wanted nothing more than to turn his car around and go back home, but he knew Casie could tell if he was lying to her. His hands were shaking as he shut his car off and put the keys into his pocket. He was almost hoping that (Y/N) wasn’t home. Maybe if she wasn’t, Casie would drop it and let him back into the house without having to actually deal with the situation.
But her car was in the driveway, so she had to be home.
Colson made his way up to the front door and raised his hand to knock. He hesitated, unable to make his hand move. His brain was still screaming at him to turn around and go home, but he had come this far. He couldn’t just back out now. At the very least, maybe he could give (Y/N) some closure so they could both move on from this, since he knew there was no way that she was going to take him back.
He finally moved his hand to knock. It didn’t take long for him to hear the sound of footsteps coming towards the door, and when the door opened it felt like the floodgates within him had opened.
(Y/N) was stood there, her belly big enough to tell him that she was still carrying his child. She had never looked so beautiful to him before.
Her eyes were wide, almost like a deer caught in headlights. He was the last person she expected to see on her doorstep, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to slam the door in his face or throw herself into his arms and beg for him to never let her go again.
“Hey,” Colson finally said. “Uh...I’m sorry to surprise you like this. I probably should’ve called first or something.”
“You wouldn’t have gotten through. I blocked your number,” she told him.
Ouch, he thought. I deserve that, though.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. “If it’s to finally get the last of your stuff that you left here, I have it in boxes in the spare room. I can bring it all down and send you on your way within five minutes.”
There was a lot he wanted to say in response to that, but instead he found himself saying, “You probably shouldn’t be lifting too much or going up and down the stairs a lot in your condition.”
Her face darkened as she glared at him. “Don’t pretend you give a shit now.”
Colson sighed and shook his head. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Can I come in? I just wanted to talk, to apologize.”
(Y/N) scoffed. “You leave me when I tell you I’m pregnant - with a baby that you wanted, might I add - and you leave for months, with no calls or texts or anything. And now you think you can come back and just...apologize for all of that?”
“I know, I fucked up - ”
“No, you don’t know,” she cut him off. “You really fucked up. You beyond fucked up, actually. You don’t understand how much it hurt me when you just walked out. You didn’t answer any of my calls or texts. I thought you were going to be happy when I told you I was pregnant. We talked about starting our own family for so long, and I thought you’d be overjoyed for this. But you just walked out and didn’t come back. You do not understand how hard that was for me to deal with, how hard it still is to deal with, while also trying to deal with this pregnancy all on my own!”
She was starting to cry. She mentally cursed her pregnancy hormones for making her so much more susceptible to tears lately. She didn’t want him to see her cry, especially not over him.
When he extended his arms to her, though, she gladly took the comforting hug. She sobbed into his chest, trying to take in his familiar smell and warmth without letting him back in too much. He couldn’t just come in and demand a second chance like this, but she also couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t relieved to see him on her doorstep.
Colson guided her into the house, closing the door behind them and bringing (Y/N) to her living room. They both sat down on her couch and (Y/N) wiped the tears from her eyes. She reached for a tissue from a box on one of her side tables and blew her nose as well.
“I had to start leaving tissue boxes in every room,” she sighed. “Stupid fucking hormones. I cry at everything now.”
“At least you’ve managed to prepare yourself for it,” Colson said.
She sighed and wiped at her face again. She felt so puffy and gross, and not just from the crying. The pregnancy had made her feel so many negative emotions. Even now, when she was supposed to be mad at Colson, she found herself self conscious about her round belly and how it made her look to him.
“Why did you leave?” she asked him. “I thought you wanted another baby.”
“I do,” he responded. “I should’ve been so goddamn excited when you told me you were pregnant. I think I would’ve felt that way if I wasn’t such an idiot instead and started feeling doubt about being a father again.”
(Y/N) furrowed her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“I mean...I panicked when you told me. I found myself thinking about if I was cut out to be a dad again. Like, what if I ended up missing so much of the baby’s life the same way I did with Casie? I wasn’t ready to be a dad when Emma was pregnant with Casie because I was so young, and I found myself back in that mindset when you told me you were pregnant. Just this sudden panic and self doubt.”
“But we talked about this. You said you wanted another baby.”
“I know. I don’t understand it either. It’s just my fucked up brain ruining everything again.”
(Y/N) placed her hand on Colson’s in a comforting gesture. “You’re not fucked up, and you are an amazing dad to Casie. I have no doubts that you’ll be even better with this baby, especially now since you’re older and have experience.”
Colson shook his head and let out a humorless laugh. “I can’t believe I was so stupid to let myself get worked up like that, though. I should’ve been so excited. We should’ve had a big ass fucking party to celebrate, and then you should’ve been moving into my house so we could start this family together. I shouldn’t have run out the door and left you like that.”
“Why didn’t you ever call or text me before now?”
“I felt embarrassed and stupid for my reaction. For the longest time, I just felt like I couldn’t face what I did, or face you. And then the more that time went on, the more I felt like coming back was a mistake. I figured you would kick me to the curb and tell me to never speak to you again. I thought...I thought that...if you even still had our baby, that you’d never let me see them anyways.”
(Y/N) found herself running her fingers along the back of his hand. What he was saying all made sense, and she felt like she believed him. She didn’t think he was malicious in leaving her. He didn’t do it because he was an asshole, he did it because he panicked suddenly and made a bonehead move, then his embarrassment got the better of him and made him overthink the situation even further. It didn’t completely heal the wound that his leaving had left inside of her, but it was enough to make her think she could possibly forgive him.
“If you had shown interest, I would’ve let you see her,” she said. “I would never keep you from your daughter if you wanted to be in her life.”
Tears were forming in Colson’s eyes as he looked up at (Y/N). “It’s a girl? You know that for sure?”
(Y/N) could feel herself welling up again, too. She nodded and got up to get the ultrasound she kept on the fridge. She passed it to Colson and sat down next to him.
“That’s her,” she said. “She was once the size of a peanut when I got my first sonogram, and now she’s a fully formed baby.”
“I can’t believe I’m gonna have another daughter,” Colson breathed.
“In a good way or a bad way?”
“Definitely a good way. I would’ve loved to have a son, but if there’s anything that being Casie’s dad has taught me, it’s that I love being a girl dad.” He placed the ultrasound on the coffee table and turned to face (Y/N). “I love you, too. More than anything, (Y/N). I was such a fucking idiot to ruin us the way I did, but I never stopped loving you in that time we had apart. I wanted nothing more than to call you or to show up on your doorstep like I did today, but I was terrified of what your reaction would be if I did.”
“I love you, too,” (Y/N) replied. It was the truth. She hadn’t stopped loving Colson, no matter how angry or upset he had made her. She loved him so much, and she felt like carrying his child had made her love him even more. “But you hurt me a lot. I meant what I said, you can’t just come in and say you’re sorry and suddenly everything goes back to normal.”
“I know, and I’ll do anything to win back your trust. Whatever you want, (Y/N), I’ll do it.”
“Right now, I want you to be here for the rest of my pregnancy, and I want you to be there when your daughter is born. We can take things from there.”
Colson nodded. “Will you come stay with me and Casie at least? I intended on asking you to move in with me anyways, and I know that’s a big ask right now, but I want you to be there and to start making it your home, because eventually it will be. Your home, and hers.” He put his hand on her bump, thinking about how his baby girl was growing in there.
(Y/N)’s eyes lit up as she nodded. “Give me a few minutes to pack a few things, and then we can head over. I want to see Casie anyways. I’ve missed her so much.”
~~~~~~
A few months later, Colson and (Y/N) were on the way to the hospital in the middle of the night. (Y/N) had woken up to pee and ended up having her water break. She woke Colson with her surprised shriek and he got everything together for the two of them to go to the hospital. Casie was at Emma’s, so Colson texted Emma to let her know that the baby was coming and to let Casie know that she would be a big sister by the time she woke up.
The labor pains weren’t as bad as (Y/N) expected, but they were still certainly the worst pain she had ever felt. Colson stayed by her side through the entire process, just like he promised. He let (Y/N) use his hand as a stress ball, crushing it with every contraction pain she felt. He stayed in the room after the doctor’s announced it was time to push and, even though he did feel a little lightheaded during the birthing process, he stayed to hear his baby girl cry for the first time.
The doctors let him cut the umbilical cord before they washed the baby girl and wrapped her in a soft, pastel pink blanket. The doctor passed Colson the baby and Colson sat next to (Y/N) so she could see her, too.
“She’s so beautiful,” (Y/N) breathed. “Besides the fact that she looks like a little prune.”
Colson chuckled. “Yeah, she definitely needs a day or two to look less wrinkly, but she’s gorgeous. You really did it, baby.”
(Y/N) mustered enough strength to reach out and lightly graze the baby’s cheek with her finger. “She was definitely worth all that pain and the exhaustion. Although, to be honest, I don’t think I can fight the sleep much longer.”
Colson leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Get some rest. When you’re feeling up to it, we’ll get Casie to come see her baby sister.”
(Y/N)’s eyes started to close, but Colson could see that she was trying to fight her fatigue. “We haven’t named her yet.”
“We can do that when you wake up. We have so much time to get everything figured out. You already did all of the hard stuff, let me help out with this side of things.”
She smiled, sheepishly, and forced her eyes open for another moment to look at Colson. “I love you.”
He smiled back at her. “I love you, too. More than you could ever know. Now, get some rest. We’ll both be here when you wake up.”
(Y/N) nodded and finally closed her eyes. It didn’t take her long to drift off to sleep. Colson stood so he could put the baby in the bed that the nurses had brought in to put next to (Y/N)’s bed. She had already stopped crying and had also been lulled to sleep in Colson’s arms. When he had her laid down, he stepped back to look at his two girls. He smiled and couldn’t help the tears that started to well up in his eyes. He couldn’t be any happier than he was in that moment.
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sourwolf-sterek32 · 2 months
Text
The Dirt (Your Version)
Summary: Meeting Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee was a coincidence. Being friends was a choice. But falling in love with them both was beyond your control.
Or
A rewrite of The Dirt with all the highs and lows of Mötley Crüe from your perspective.
Pairings: Nikki Sixx x Reader, Tommy Lee x Reader, Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee x Reader
Word Count: 4.1k
Trigger Warning- self-harm, mentions of past child abuse and cancer
Previous Chapter
Chapter 19- Truth comes out
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"Who did this to you?" Nikki questioned, his fingers brushing over the dark bruise around your neck.
It had been a long time since you had heard that protectiveness in the bassist's voice. It had been a long time since you had seen him. And an even longer time since he had touched you like this.
"It doesn't matter." You sighed.
"Was it Vince?"
"What? No! He would never hurt me. Never." You insisted and Nikki nodded, his brows furrowing as he brushed his thumb over the bruise carefully.
"Tell me who and I'll fuck 'em up."
"It was my father and Vince already fucked him up."
Nikki's eyes widened in surprise knowing you hadn't been in contact with your father since you were a teenager. Nikki had questions. You could tell that he had many questions to ask but seemed to be holding himself back.
His sea green eyes were watching you worriedly. The last time you saw each other was that day at the studio. The day Vince had quit, and you walked away.
The guilt of that weighed heavily down on your shoulders. Mötley Crüe were finished. It didn't matter that they had a new singer, the band was over the moment Vince left and it was your fault.
"If you want me to leave. I'll leave." You whispered.
"I don't want you to leave, princess."
Just hearing that old nickname bought tears to your eyes and you lowered your head so he wouldn't see them fall. Nikki Sixx had seen you cry too many times to count over the years. You didn't want him to see you cry anymore.
"Come inside. Can I get you a drink?" Nikki offered. "I'm sober, so there's not many options."
You smiled, heart swelling with pride hearing that.
"Water is fine."
He disappeared in the kitchen, and you walked over to his couch and sat down hugging your knees to your chest. Nikki returned shortly after handing you a glass of cold water which you took with a small smile.
"It's not that I'm not happy to see you after all this time, because I am. But what's going on?" Nikki asked worriedly.
"Skylar died."
"Oh, fuck." He sighed heavily the shock of that information hitting him hard. "I'm so sorry."
You fiddled with the glass of water as Nikki walked around the couch and sat down beside you.
He asked what happened. You told him about the tumour and cancer that spread through the little girl's body. He asked about Vince, and you told the truth. Your brother was a mess but was trying to get himself better.
The two of you sat together in silence after that, Nikki trying to process everything while you sat there fiddling with the empty glass trying not to cry.
Grieving was hard.
Whether it was for your own baby or someone else's. Grief in general for a lack of a better word... sucked.
The suckiest part about it was how lonely grieving made you feel. And yeah, sure, your family had been mourning the loss of Skylar. But you've been mourning the loss of your own baby too because you had never really allowed yourself to grieve that unborn child until now.
And then you'd felt angry at yourself for it because that was in the past and Skylar had just died. Your little niece had just died, but you weren't only thinking about her. And that made you feel guilty. And then that guilt turned into anger. And you were angry at yourself for being angry because dear God, it wasn't like they had died on purpose, but it happened, and you couldn't save either of them.
So, you were angry.
You were angry at the world because it kept spinning after those horrible deaths. And you were angry that you were still living when Skylar had her whole life ahead of her and your own baby never got to draw its first breath.
But you know what? You'd take the anger, the sadness and the guilt because the only reason all of that existed within you now was because love existed first. Because it still existed in you now. And you knew that if you had loved Skylar less or never found out about your pregnancy, things would be easier, but you didn't want to live in that world.
So, yeah, you had a lifetime of those sticky grief feelings ahead, but you welcomed them with open arms because you had four years of love with Skylar and a couple months of knowing about your baby and that will always, always be worth it.
"Shit, princess."
Your head snapped in Nikki's direction to find his sea green eyes swimming with tears, and you very quickly realised that you had just said all of that out loud.
"Can I hold you?" He asked, wiping his teary eyes.
"Please."
Nikki shifted closer on the couch before wrapping his arm around your shoulders, pulling you gently into his side and kissing the top of your head. You buried your face against his chest and squeezed your eyes shut not wanting this moment to end because you had missed this. You had missed him so fucking much.
Nikki eventually let go of you, saying something about needing to piss before he disappeared leaving you on the couch. You were pretty sure that the bassist just needed a moment alone to compose himself because he hadn't allowed himself to mourn or grieve over your unborn baby until now either.
You reached up and rubbed your thumb over the scars and cuts on your wrist thinking about your brother. Thinking about Skylar. Thinking about Razzle. Thinking about your unborn baby. Thinking about everything.
You were so lost in thought you didn't hear Nikki approaching until he sat back down beside you causing you to nearly jump out of your skin at his sudden presence. His shoulder was touching yours and you quickly shifted your bracelets to cover the cuts.
You leant your head against his shoulder, the two of you remaining quiet for quite some time, but you didn't need to fill the silence. That was the nice thing about Nikki, he could appreciate silence when others wouldn't. Not needing to speak just for the sake of talking.
He kissed the side of your head and squeezed your hand for comfort, knowing how everything was taking its toll on you.
But he didn't know everything. He didn't know about those dark thoughts that still haunted you. He didn't know about the cuts hidden beneath your sleeve.
"Let me see your neck." Nikki suddenly said, speaking up for the first time in a while.
He hooked his index finger under your chin tilting your head up as you lifted it off his shoulder. You hadn't had a chance to look in the mirror and see the damage yet, but by the frown forming on Nikki's face, you knew it wasn't great.
"Does it hurt?"
You shook your head and gently touched the angry purple and blue finger shaped bruises with a small wince, "I'm fine. It only hurts when I touch it."
Nikki didn't seem happy with that answer. His frown only deepening as he inspected the marks carefully.
He shouldn't care about you though. Nikki should be angry at you for what happened in the studio. He should be furious. He shouldn't be worrying or caring about you. You didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve him.
"You should hate me." You whispered.
Nikki's eyes met yours, "what? Why?"
"I'm the reason for Mötley Crüe's downfall. It's all my fault."
"It's not."
"It is!" You answered a little louder than you meant but you couldn't help it. "I mean, fuck, you warned us at the start, Sixx. You said hooking up with me would jeopardize the band and now look what happened."
"That's not on you."
"It is."
"It's not. That's on all of us." Nikki insisted and you knew there was no point trying to argue with him on this.
You sighed, "I should go. I-I don't know why I came here. You have your own life... I'm sorry."
You stood up from the couch but before you could walk back towards the door, Nikki suddenly reached out and grabbed your hand stopping you.
"Don't go." He said, his voice nearly pleading as he looked up at you with gentle sea green eyes. "It's getting late. Just stay here tonight. You can take the spare bedroom. Please. Just don't go. Not like last time."
You hesitated for a moment as you glanced over at his front door before looking back at him and nodding in agreement. Nikki's shoulders relaxed instantly, and he gave your hand a gentle squeeze before he showed you to the guest bedroom.
Given Nikki Sixx's track record with girls, you were expecting him to try make a move or convince you to share his own bed, but to your surprise he was a complete gentleman. He had matured a lot since the last time you saw him. So much had happened since then, yet for some unknown reason, Nikki still cared about you.
You ended up sleeping on the couch that night because the mattress in the spare room had a very distinct scent of urine on it. Underneath the black sheets were multiple yellow stains and although they appeared to be old, the smell was definitely there, so you retreated back to the couch.
It wasn't so bad. You had slept in worse places especially while on tour with the guys. So, a blanket on a leather couch was actually pretty good in comparison.
You laid there staring up at the antique looking ceiling fan above you in the dim light unable to fall asleep. Your mind wouldn't shut off. You kept thinking about Skylar which then turned into thinking about Vince and what your father had said.
Your entire life had been a lie.
Vince wasn't your brother, and your father wasn't even your real father. And your mother... she killed herself after giving birth to you. Did she not want you that badly? Did she really think that leaving you with that abusive piece of shit would be better than whatever she could provide? Was a bullet to the head the only choice she had?
Your mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions as you laid there squeezing your wrist feeling the calming sting of the cuts.
You must have fallen asleep sometime though because the next thing you knew, your eyes were snapping open, and you sat up gasping for air.
A gunshot echoed in your mind. Your mothers blurry figure falling to the ground in a pool of her blood. Your fathers angry voice screamed in the background somewhere. You could still feel his hands around your neck choking you.
"Y/N, hey. Just breathe. You're okay, just breathe." Someone's voice suddenly said, but through the haze in your head you couldn't figure out who the voice belonged to let alone trying to focus on breathing.
You couldn't breathe. It was like your father was still choking you. All the air had gotten sucked out of your lungs and there wasn't anything you could do about it. You could feel your chest tightening as you buried your face into trembling hands trying to calm yourself down, but it wasn't working.
A small voice in the back of your head was telling you that you were having a panic attack, but that little piece of information did nothing to help.
"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me. Y/N, look at me."
Somehow you forced yourself to lift your head and your eyes locked with familiar sea green ones. Nikki was looking at you in worry, but you just shook your head unable to shut your brain off as the lingering nightmare flashed through your mind on repeat.
"It's okay. Deep breaths. Y/N, princess, just breathe. Copy me, okay?" Nikki instructed, kneeling down in front of you as he took in an exaggerated deep breath, and you mimicked him before he released the breath slowly and you did the same as he repeated the action.
It took a while, but eventually you managed to get your breathing under control. Your heart was beating out of your chest, your body shaking, but you were breathing. Small victories.
Nikki was kneeling beside the couch watching you worriedly and you only just realised that he was shirtless. Has he been shirtless this whole time? How the fuck did you miss that little detail? Or big detail because Nikki had definitely been working out since the last time you saw him. His chest and arms were more muscular than you had ever seen them.
You rubbed your face with trembling hands trying not to think about his attractive body before you slowly sat up on the couch with a heavy sigh.
"Shit, I'm sorry." You whispered, realising that he had just witnessed you totally freak out.
"You don't ever have to apologise to me."
"Did I wake you?"
"No. I was already awake."
It was a clear lie to make you feel better, but you appreciated it. Nikki didn't move from beside you though. His hand was hovering over your arm like he wasn't sure if he should touch you right now or not.
"Are you okay?"
Nope. Not even remotely okay, but were you going to admit that? Absolutely not.
"Yeah."
Nikki didn't say anything after that and you were pretty sure he saw straight through your lie, but he didn't call you out on it. He was good like that. He understood not wanting to talk after nightmares, God knows he was riddled with his own demons in his sleep too.
"Do you want to be alone?" He asked eventually, breaking the silence.
You shook your head because the thought of being alone with your thoughts sounded like hell.
Nikki simply nodded before he stood up and sat down on the couch beside you leaving a respectable gap between you to give you some space.
You traced your fingers over the bruise on your neck thinking back to what your father had said.
"Is it hurting?" Nikki asked worriedly watching you touch the bruise gingerly.
You shook your head, "no. I'm just thinking about something he said before he, uh, strangled me."
"What did he say?"
"That he's not my real father. Said my mother dumped me on his doorstep as a baby and then killed herself."
"Jesus." Nikki swore softly under his breath not knowing what else to say to that.
You remained quiet for a moment biting your lip fighting back tears you could feel coming. You were so God damn sick of crying.
"It means Vince and I aren't even related." You whispered.
Nikki must have heard the crack in your voice because he turned on the couch to face you properly. The only good thing about your childhood was having Vince as your big brother. But it turned out that he wasn't even your brother at all.
"There's more to family than blood, Y/N." Nikki said gently, hesitantly resting his hand on your shoulder. "I know that better than anyone."
You sighed with a small nod wiping the tears from your eyes before they could fall, and Nikki squeezed your shoulder comfortingly.
Vince had said that it didn't matter. He said that you were still his sister no matter what, but it still felt wrong knowing your entire childhood and sibling bond had been bought up on a lie.
"You and Vince, you're family. Nothing is going to change that."
You glanced over at Nikki and smiled softly needing to hear that more than anything, "thanks, Sixx."
Neither of you spoke for a while after that. Nikki flicked on the television giving you a much-needed distraction from your thoughts. He switched the channel to MTV and lowered the volume down while he leant back against the couch and kicked his feet up on the coffee table.
"Why were you sleeping on the couch?"
"Spare bed smells like piss." You answered honestly glancing over at him.
Nikki sighed, "that would've been Slash. He's peed on that bed a few times. Sorry, I thought it was clean after the last time."
You screwed your face up in disgust which caused Nikki to smile before he turned his attention back to the television and the two of you fell into comfortable silence after that.
An hour or so ticked by. The clock on the wall across the room indicated that it was nearly six in the morning. Nikki had fallen asleep beside you a while ago. His head was tipped back against the back of the couch, his hair covering the side of his face as he snored softly.
You watched the bassist sleep for a few minutes before you quietly slipped away and made your way outside through the back door.
It was still dark outside and the view from his back porch was stunning. His house was on a hill at the far side of town and overlooked the entire city. The lights of Hollywood shone brightly in the distance, and you leant against the porch railing taking in the stunning view.
You rolled the sleeve up exposing the cuts along your inner arm that were now on full display as you glanced down at them in disgust. The skin was painted with a mixture of fresh and old cuts, some healed and scarred, others bright red and fresh.
You covered your wrist with your hand and squeezed welcoming the pain as the fresh cuts started to sting, but it wasn't enough.
The pocketknife in your jeans felt like it was burning against the fabric before you reached into the front pocket and pulled it out.
Your hands trembled as you flicked the blade out. Dry blood stained the stainless steel as you pressed the tip of the blade against an unmarked section of skin on your wrist.
Tears started to burn in the back of your eyes as you sliced through the skin like it was butter. Bright crimson blood instantly rose and trickled down onto the railing you were leaning against. You watched the droplets fall. The cut stinging as the outdoor air blew against it and you closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself.
The pain grounded you.
It was fucked up, you knew this was fucked up, but you couldn't stop. It was the only way you knew how to cope with everything.
The sound of the backdoor opening startled you out of your thoughts. You hastily tucked the knife back into your pocket and pulled your sleeve down trying to hide the blood and cuts.
Nikki hovered in the doorway, but you didn't dare look over at him because you had a sinking feeling that he had seen everything.
"Y/N-"
"I just need some fresh air. Go back inside." You said, barely even recognising your own voice.
"And leave you out here to cut yourself?" He questioned bluntly.
Yeah, you thought.
But you didn't dare say that out loud though. And Nikki didn't leave.
Suddenly, he appeared beside you and his hand grasped your shoulder gently. You tilted your head up at him, but he didn't look at you, his wide eyes were glued to your arm that you were trying to hide, but clearly not very well.
You glanced back down and there was no mistaking the crimson stains soaking through the fabric of your sleeve.
Shit.
"How long?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "How long have you been cutting yourself? Days? Weeks?"
"...more."
You didn't look at him as you spoke, not wanting to see the disappointment and pity on his face.
"Fucking hell." He whispered to himself.
Nikki let go, you could no longer feel his touch on your shoulder, and you fought the urge to reach out and stop him from leaving. Instead, you looked back out at the city lights watching the sun that was now slowly starting to rise along the horizon.
You listened closely for footsteps, but never heard any. Why wasn't he leaving?
A few tense seconds of silence ticked by before Nikki let out a loud exhale and leant down against the porch railing beside you.
"Princess, look at me."
You expected to hear him sound mad, to sound angry or pissed off, but he didn't. He almost sounded sad.
"Please. Fuck- please, Y/N, look at me." He practically begged.
Reluctantly, you lowered your hands from your face and glanced over at him through teary eyes and had to do a double take when you saw his own eyes glistening with unshed tears.
Seeing Nikki on the verge of crying was all it took before the flood gates opened. A violent sob escaped your lips as you cried, Nikki's expression breaking.
"I-I'm sorry. Please... please don't hate me."
Nikki's arm was instantly wrapping around your back, resting across your waist and pulling you into his side which just made you cry even more as you leant into him.
"No, no, sweetheart. I don't hate you. I could never hate you." He insisted, holding you tightly.
"I'm sorry. I-I... I'm so sorry." You whimpered, burying your face against his chest.
"it's okay. Shh, it's okay. It's okay."
He kissed the top of your head gently and just held you while you cried. You had been trying to hide your pain from Vince for so long, trying to be strong for him, but now, you allowed yourself to let your guard down and show your true feelings for the first time in what felt like years, knowing you were safe in Nikki's arms.
Eventually, Nikki lowered his arm, and you sniffed rubbing your face with trembling hands trying to calm yourself down.
He pulled out a red bandanna from his back pocket before he grabbed your arm and began to carefully pull up your sleeve. Nikki paused for a second when he got a look at your inner arm properly for the first time. A soft gasp escaped his lips, and you fought the urge to pull your arm away from him.
It was too late. He had already seen it. The damage had been done.
"Fuck, princess." He swore softly under his breath.
He pressed the bandanna against the still bleeding cut and neither of you said anything while he kept his hand pressed down on your wrist with the bandanna to slow the bleeding while you stared out at the view.
Nikki was staring down at your arm with a frown plastered on his face which was better. A frown was better than tears. You could deal with Nikki being mad at you. Anger you could handle.
"I-I didn't know... I never knew things were this bad." Nikki admitted, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."
"I was the one that walked away."
"I should have called."
"I'm not your responsibility, Sixx." You whispered, wiping the tears from your eyes with your free hand. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with my shit. Not after what I did."
Nikki let out a deep exhale, "what happened that day in the studio wasn't your fault, Y/N."
"We both know that's a lie."
"What happened. Everything we did... I would do it all over again."
Your eyes widened in surprise and Nikki smiled softly.
"If I could go back in time, I'd do it all again."
"Nikki-"
"I love you, princess. I didn't get a chance to say it that day, but I do."
You shook your head, fresh tears spilling from your eyes because you didn't deserve his love. You didn't deserve any of this.
"You shouldn't." You whispered still shaking your head. "You should hate me for what happened. You should hate me for this." You pulled your arm free from his grasp, the bandanna sticking to your wrist as you held it up for him to see.
"This doesn't change how much I love you. Y/N, hey, hey. Princess, look at me."
When you didn't move, he lifted his hand pinching your chin with his thumb and index finger and raised your head gently until you were forced to look at him.
"I'm serious. This doesn't change anything. I love you, Y/N. The next time you feel like this, come to me. I want to help. Let me help you."
You simply nodded, not trusting your voice at the moment as a fresh wave of tears resurfaced at Nikki's kindness causing his expression to soften before he pulled you into a hug.
"I just want you to be okay." He whispered, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too." You answered, and you meant it.
You and Nikki had started out cautious of each other. You were his singer's little sister, and he was the mysterious bass player who seemed to hate you.
Somewhere between that first meeting at Rock Candys gig all those years ago and to this moment now, the two of you had broken down each other's walls and had fallen in love without realising it.
-
Next Chapter
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A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. 
I just had to work 10 days in a row with 4 of those days on call after hours too (I hated it) but I finally got a few days off and I am already editing the next chapter which will be posted in a couple of days. 
I hope you are all still enjoying this story. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments ❤️ 
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oskea93 · 2 months
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Keep it to Yourself (3 - Part one)
✶ DouglasBooth!Nikki Sixx x OC ✶
Warning: Cursing, physical violence A/N: Hey guys! So, this is kind of just a filler chapter that goes along with the last chapter. I promise things are gonna kick up soon and you'll get to see how everything goes down once Bryant is with Nikki 24/7. I just want to also say thank you to everyone that has been reading! You guys are amazing and I appreciate the love so much!!
Taglist: @fancywasmyname1, @kaitieskidmore1, @xxisxxisxxis, @sparxx27,  @cruecifymesixx, @tempt-ress, @a-sia-san, @x-xinenas, @casualcomputerarbiter-blog​, @makaelahdelvalle
“Okay, well thanks for checking.”
I watched as Doc hung up the phone, his hand moving down his face in exhaustion. That was the fourth person he had called and there was still no sign of Nikki. “Haven’t seen him.” He muttered as he started to pace. “I don’t know who else to call or even know where to look. He could be halfway out of California right now for all I know.”
The party quickly died out after Nikki and I’s explosive reunion. Nobody was really in the mood to party anymore after having to dodge glass bottles and whatever else Nikki could get his hands on.
“I doubt he went very far –“ I started. “He’s high off his ass, Doc. He probably went back to his house to get even more loaded.” Doc shook his head. “You knew this was going to happen – You and I both knew he wouldn’t react well to seeing me.”
“Well, I thought he would have a change of heart.” He rushed. “The bastard hasn’t seen you in a few years – he was fucking infatuated with you – he fucking loved you.”
“She left his ass standing on the stoop outside of his house, Doc.” Vince interjected. “Would you be happy to see the woman that left you the way she left him? He was a fucking wreck because of Bryant – You think this time is going to be any different?”
I turned to look at the blonde, “Everyone forgets the fact that he’d been cheating for months.” Our eyes locked. “But yet I’m the asshole because I stood up for myself and left. I guess I should’ve been like the whores you get with that’ll stay no matter how many women you’re fucking.”
He puckered his lips, earning a laugh from the bimbo attached to his side.
Vince and I never had the type of friendship that I had with Mick and Tommy. We tolerated each other and that was it. I was there the day he showed up to Nikki’s apartment.  His girlfriend led the way into the living room – the arrogance flowing from her like a cheap perfume. She was your typical rich girl from the Valley, who was basically just with Vince to piss off her parents. She bought that son of a bitch anything he wanted – spending thousands of her parent’s money on the man. I guess the coke they spent so much time snorting damaged not only her brain cells but also her judgement.
I rolled my eyes in disgust before removing myself from the couch. Doc had retreated to the backyard, a portable phone pressed against his ear as he walked along the pools edge. I decided that this was my que to leave – taking matters into my own hands. I knew of some places that Nikki frequented when we were together. If he wasn’t at his house, then I would try those places. Unlucky for Doc, he was notorious for leaving his car keys in the ignition – easy access for anyone that wanted to take it. I threw my purse into the passenger seat before climbing in and starting the engine. I tore out of Vince’s driveway – speeding onto the freeway as the warm, night air whipped through my hair.
“You think this is okay – You look like you’re ten seconds away from the fucking grim reaper coming for your ass!” He rolled his eyes as he paced the kitchen – his fists balled up at his sides. “Doc called me and ask-“
“You fucking called her?” His eyes wild as he stared Doc down. “You fucking called her!”
“I had no other choice, Nikki.” Doc was terrified. “You’re getting worse every day and you won’t listen to anyone at this point. I had no other person to turn too - She’s your wife, Nikki.”
“Ex-wife.” Nikki and I spoke at the same time.
Doc let out a sigh, “Wife, ex-wife – It’s all the fucking same. You two were married – you were madly in love with each other. Yeah, it ended badly but I know for a fucking fact that Bryant still cares enough about you to not want to see you like this.”
I kept my eyes on Nikki, “If he wants to kill himself with a needle then that’s his fucking choice.”
“What!?” I winced as Doc grabbed onto my arm. “What’re you saying, Bryant?”
Nikki and I stared at each other – he was still fucked up, but I could see the hatred and emotion coursing through his green eyes. “Nikki’s a grown man, Doc. A grown man that’s acting like a little bitch because of all the trauma that’s fucked up his life. He thinks that a needle filled with a feel-good drug is gonna help his pathetic ass – then let him think that. Who am I to say anything – It’s not like I wasn’t there when the real creative juices were flowing – when Motley was at the top of their game. Nikki’s choice is to be a junky – a fucking junky who’s never gonna reach the top – just the bottom of a 6-foot hole and his name added to the overdose roster..."
I parked behind one of the cars that was here earlier – quickly getting out and running towards the stairs. The door was still unlocked, and the house was still a disaster. I didn’t bother calling out of for him – choosing to run up the stairs and into the bedroom. It was a shock to see the once bright room was now painted a dark red – Tiffany lamps with scarves over them casted a low light across the room. The state of the room matched that of downstairs – the only difference being the random dime bags and needles scattered around. The TV that sat in the corner displayed a shattered screen – looking as if a bullet had gone right through it. Doc had mentioned that Nikki would hallucinate, the drugs telling him that his house was being invaded.
“Where are you?” I whispered as I moved towards the notorious closet.
This was his spot – his safe space to do dangerous things. I took a deep breath before slowly pushing the wooden door – the sight causing my stomach to drop. A collection of used syringes and a revolver laid on the burnt carpet. Bullet holes that matched the one that was put in his TV were displayed on the walls around the small area. This was the room that possessed Nikki – lured him in like a siren out in the ocean. The closet was like a mistress – their relationship buried behind the heavy cathedral doors.
“Nikki!”
 My head shot up at the sound of the shrill voice. The female’s heavy heels slapped against the marble floor as she continued to scream his name out. I removed myself from the closet, walking out of his room as I looked over the banister. She was petite blonde girl – late teens – possibly early 20s. Her clothing was typical of those that hung out on the strip – black leather, short skirts, and tits out for the world to see.
“Nikki, please baby –“She wined as she searched. “I need you right now, baby.”
“He’s not here.”  
She stopped dead in here tracks, her eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets. It was evident that she was one of his junky whores. She not only got to fuck around with Nikki – but she also got to indulge in the glamorous drugs that his fame brought in.  
Her face twisted into disgust, “Who the fuck are you?” Typical valley girl. “And how the fuck did you get in my boyfriend’s house?”
I couldn’t help but smirk as her feathers ruffled. It was cute that she thought Nikki cared about her. I pushed myself from the frame, slowly walking down the stairs. I kept my eyes on her as I took each step – her body twitching as the last of the drugs wore off.
My slightly taller frame stood over her, “I think the better questions is who are you?”
She shifted away – her mind trying to tell her to act normal but her body betraying her. “I’m Colette – Nikki’s girlfriend.” She spoke so surely. “Now – “ She cocked her hip to the side. “Tell me who the fuck you are and why are you in my fucking boyfriend’s house.”
I took a second, just looking at her and thinking what a shame it was that she was in the position she was in. Colette was a very pretty girl – probably came from a good family – actually graduated from high school and had a bright future ahead before she met Satan on the strip.
“How old are you?” I dodged her question.
She looked confused for a second, “19.”
Nikki – you fucking bastard.
“Why are you hanging around a 27-year-old man who’s addicted to ever drug known to man? You should be hanging out with your friends – going to college – not sleazing around on the strip looking for a fuck and a bump.”
“Nikki loves me-“
I let out a laugh, “You honestly think Nikki Sixx – big rockstar for Motley Crue – loves and cares about some little chick he met at a bar? Honey-“ I stepped closer. “The only thing that man loves right now is melted and injected into whatever vein he can find. You’re just a piece of ass to him – an easy fuck that he’s just gonna forget about when the drugs start to wear off. You and I both know you deserve way better than that – Don’t be one of those girls that are just hanging around and getting fucked up just to brag that you bagged Nikki Sixx.”
Maybe telling someone the cold truth wasn’t best when they’re coming down from drugs. Colette instantly broke down in tears – literally falling onto the floor as loud sobs left her body. I couldn’t help but just stand there for a second – to stunned to even do anything right away. I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction – I was honestly waiting for her to start throwing punches or to cuss me out.
“Oh my God –“ I muttered as I pulled her off the floor. “I didn’t say those things to make you cry.” Mascara streaked down her face. “I was just trying to get you to understand that Nikki isn’t all he’s cracked up to be.” She was still crying – her eyes puffy and lipstick smeared as she wiped away the tears.
“Why do you even care?” Her voice cracking.
I took a deep breath, “ I was married to Nikki.” Her eyes connecting with mine. “We got together way before he formed Motley – back when things were less hazy. I was in your shoes at one point. I was that little girl that hung around the strip, and I let Nikki talk me into a lot of things that I should’ve never done, but he sucks you in with those green eyes and that smile.” Colette stayed silent as I spoke. “I guess what I’m trying to say is just stay away from Nikki or any guy with long hair on the strip for that matter. You’re too pretty to get strung out and have your life ruined by these guys.”
Just like a typical addict, her demeanor instantly changed and the girl that I first met reared back around. She pushed away from me, smoothing out her leather outfit as she rolled her eyes. “You’re a fucking liar.” She sniffed back the remaining tears. “You’re probably some psycho stalker that’s in love with Nikki and you’re just trying to push me away. I love Nikki and he loves me, and I won’t let you or anyone else for that matter get in my way, you stupid bitch!”
Before I had time to reply or react for that matter, her ring clad fist connected with my nose. Searing pain and the sound of bones crunching rang through my brain as I stumbled back. Not giving me the chance to recover, she lurched towards me once again, my red hair balled in her fist as she brought me to the ground. I’m usually scrappy, but the bitch was still high, making her have the strength that she typically would never have. If I didn’t think fast there was a chance that she could cause more damage or even kill me. Before she could send another blow to my face, I brought my knee up, practically stabbing it into her stomach, causing her to fall beside me on the ground. She moaned out in pain, giving me the chance to bring her equal payback...
I never liked fighting, but I could never stop once I started. I would go into another world – blacking everything out as my fist did the damage.
Colette was a bruised, bloody mess by the time Doc arrived, pulling me off her scrawny body. I didn’t even know it was him until his voice finally broke through the fog I was in. Pretty sure I hit him to as I flailed around as he tried to get me under control.
“God dammit, Bryant!” Doc yelled as he threw me onto the couch.
I heard another voice as I crashed back to reality – the site of jet-black hair kneeling beside Colette catching my eye. Nikki carefully picked up the young girl, carrying her bridal style up the staircase to his heroin den.
“She did a number on you, didn’t she?” Doc muttered as he started cleaning my face.
“Fuck you.” I spat as I stormed off the couch. My face was pounding – blood still falling onto my shirt as I walked out the front door. I knew my nose was broken – her rings wreaking havoc on my face with each punch but how fucking dare Nikki tend to her first! I could feel tears welling up as I paced the yard.
“Bryant, you need to get back in the house.” Doc spoke from the stairs.
“Fuck you!” I yelled. “Fuck you! Fuck Nikki! And fuck that stupid fucking cunt, Colette!”
Good thing Nikki didn’t have neighbors or else they would be getting a free show right now.
Doc trudged down the staircase, grabbing my arm off guard, dragging me back into the home Nikki and I once shared. “Sit your ass down.” He firmly placed me into the dining room chair, placing a rag full of ice on the bridge of my nose.
“Fuck me.” I winced as the weight and coldness of the ice balanced on my face.
Doc let out a sigh, “I was going to kick your ass myself for stealing my car, but I’ll give you a break this time.” I rolled my eyes. “Now, you gonna tell me what happened between you two?” 
I glanced up at him, “Isn’t it obvious.”
“It’s obvious you let her get the first punch in.” He smirked. “But I wanna know why it all started?”
“Well, he’s 6’1 and a fucking asshole.”
Doc looked towards the ceiling, “You’re fighting a fucking groupie over Nikki? I thought we got past that point back in 1982?”
“I told her that she doesn’t need to be hanging around a guy like Nikki. She’s too young to be strung out and hanging on the streets of Hollywood trying to get the attention of junky rockstars.”
“Brya-“The sounds of sires caught our attention as the cars pulled behind Nikki’s corvette. I walked closely behind Doc as he walked back to the front door, the officers halfway up the stairs. “Evening officers –“He was sweating. “What seems to be the problem?”
The officer looked over Doc’s shoulder, his eyes connecting with mine. “Got a call about an assault on a young woman.” He placed his hands on his belt. “Are you Bryant Mitchell?”
Doc spoke up first, “Listen officer, this is all just a misunderstanding.”
The officer wasn’t having it, “Doesn’t sound like a misunderstanding, sir.” His hands going for the handcuffs. “Now, are you Bryant Mitchell?”
He let her call the fucking cops on me. “Yes, sir.” My voice low.
The man nodded his head, pushing Doc out of the way as he reached moved behind me, grabbing onto my arms as he placed the cuffs around my wrists. “Bryant Mitchell, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say could be used against you in the court of law…”
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machine-gun-casie · 3 years
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where are you?
synopsis: you feel insecure with colson and he’s having none of it. (itty bitty titty committee!fem!reader)
wc: 4k
warnings: smut (18+), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it and all that), dom/sub undertones, “sir”, soft dom!colson, praise kink, choking kink.
a/n: this is my first ever smut so pls be gentle! i wrote the reader as small chested, but nothing else is described because ik how annoying it can be when small chested reader starts turning into skinny reader, so i hope you enjoy! please tell me what you think and how well i did because this is so nerve  wracking!!! i love you guys!!
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“Col, what are you doing?” You whined, crossing your arms over your chest. You were both lying on the couch when he suddenly jumped up and pulled you along with him. 
“Wait a minute.” He giggled as he set up his phone on top of a contraption made of random books he found lying around and two tissue boxes. His front facing camera was open and from what you could tell he was filming on tiktok.
“Oh my god, is that tiktok?” You groaned lightly. Colson had been obsessed with watching tiktoks recently, yet he hadn’t been really into making them. But the last time Casie was over, she taught him how to navigate the app and he was so eager to create. But did he have to be eager right now? You hadn’t had a chance to lie down with him all day.
“Yes,” he replied and walked away from his phone to stand directly in front of you, “now stand like this.” He instructed as he placed his large hands on your waist and positioned you to face him properly, taking your hands in his gingerly and putting them by your side.  
The first few notes left the speakers of his phone and you furrowed your eyebrows as you tried to figure out the name of the song. “Am I supposed to react or something?”
“No no, just wait.” He smiled, incredibly excited for whatever this was. As the music grew louder, Colson came closer and brought his hand up and grabbed the collar of your sweater gently in his palm. He pulled the sweater outwards and leaned forward to look down your shirt.
“Where are you?” He mouthed with the music.
Your jaw dropped as you threw your head back in laughter, your hand instinctively coming up to cover your chest once more. “You motherfucker!”
Colson laughed and pulled you into him by the hem of your sweater, “Come on, you know that was funny.” The audio replayed in the background as the time allotted for the video was used up, leading Colson to let go of you and reach for his phone.
“It was.” You agreed. “Doesn’t make you less of a dick.”
“You know I love your tiny tits, babe.” He mumbled as he fiddled with his phone.
“You better.” You chuckled and went back to the couch, hoping that your blanket was still warm.
“Hey, I’m gonna post this. Is that cool?” He called out to you.
“Go ahead.” You replied as you made yourself comfortable. “That was funny. Is it a trend or something?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, “there was another audio that went like ‘to girls with anything smaller than a b cup, I hope you gentlemen have a good day’ or something. I thought that was funnier, but I couldn’t find it.”
“Yeah, tiktok’s search thing is crap.” You rolled your eyes. “Honestly, the most memorable part of the videos on their platform is the audio. You should be able to find things without having everything saved in your favorites.”
“Anything else I should include in my email to tiktok’s team?”
“Yes, tell them to verify me while they’re at it.”
It was only an hour or so later when Colson had to leave for something or other, he had told you about it a few days prior but you couldn’t remember for the life of you. He said that he’d be back before midnight, which was code for ‘you should wait up for me’. It was around ten p.m. when you decided that you should probably freshen up and put something nice on. 
After a quick shower and some of that lotion that Colson loved the smell of, you sat on the damp bathroom counter and pulled out your little makeup bag that you had yet to unpack after your last trip with Colson.
Makeup wasn’t a necessity for nights with your boyfriend, but you knew he loved how roughed up you looked with smeared lipstick and mascara running down your cheeks. So you put on your heaviest mascara that wasn’t waterproof, focusing on your lower lashes, and one of your cheapest lipsticks so it wouldn’t stain no matter how badly it smeared.
You weren’t really thinking of how you would look as you went through your routine, but more of what would happen when Colson got home. So when you opened your lingerie drawer, full of red, black, and bright pink sets all thanks to Colson, you were surprised to be hit by feelings of insecurity and dread.
Considering the fact that your relationship with Colson was almost a year long thus far, you hadn’t felt insecure or uncomfortable with him in so long. Was it really… No. It couldn’t be.
That stupid tiktok. It was getting to you. 
You weren’t sure why. You knew it was a joke, a good one at that. It hadn’t made you uncomfortable at the time. Nor did it now, really. You and Colson have joked about the size of your boobs many times, just like how you joked about how skinny he was or how bad morning breath always was. It was just how your relationship grew to be after you both fully let loose around each other. 
So why was this getting to you? You tried to come to a conclusion as you pulled on one of your favorite sets. As you stared at yourself in the mirror and adjusted the lingerie, you heard the front door open and decided that the time for analyzing your insecurities was not now.
Moments after you settled down on the bed, the door open and revealed Colson in a nice fancy looking suit. He let out a low whistle as he dropped his phone and his keys on the dresser, “Wow. What did I do in this world to deserve this?”
“I think you just got real lucky.” You smirked. “Love the get up, lover boy.”
“Yeah? Balmain for next week’s carpet.” He did a little spin as he walked closer. A fitting with Balmain, that’s right. “How much do you love it?”
“Not enough.” You feigned a frown and cocked your head to the side. “I’d like it off now, please and thank you.”
“Since you used your manners.” He smiled as he shrugged off the white suit jacket, disposing of the shirt and the pants quickly after, leaving him in just his boxers. “You look gorgeous, sweetheart. I’d rip that set off you if I didn’t know how much it costs.”
“I don’t mind,” you purred as he climbed onto the bed next to you, “my man can buy me another.”
“Your man?” Colson raised his eyebrows at you, the corners of his mouth slightly upturned. He pulled you onto his lap, purposefully placing the damp patch on your lace panties against his pulsing erection.
Your hips bucked up at the contact and you hissed. “Yeah- my man.” You leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against his lips, pulling away as soon as he tried to take it further. “He takes care of me so well.”
“How does he take care of you, sweetheart?” Colson asked as he trailed his hands upwards against your thighs, one of them speeding up to your waist while the other stayed on its course. Your boyfriend wasn’t one for teasing, especially when he was as hard as he is now, so you knew where his hand was headed and it wasn’t going to take long.
“He fucks me so-” You gasped as his fingers reached the side of your panties, pushing them aside to stroke you gently. “He fucks me so good.” A moan escaped you as his pointer finger slowly sunk into you, knuckle by knuckle.
“Yeah I do.” Colson grinned as he watched your face contort. “So pretty, baby.” He let his thumb rest against your clit once his finger was fully sheathed inside of you.
“Colson,” you whined as you tried to ride his finger, “move.”
He pouted at you mockingly. “You were being so nice just now with your ‘please and thank you.’ You’re throwing around commands now?”
“Please, please, touch me.” He wasted no time in pumping his finger in and out and using his thumb to circle your clit. You whimpered at the attention, losing yourself to the pleasure. He had barely touched you and you were already desperate. “Another one, Colson. Please?”
“I love it when you use your manners, baby girl. Always so polite.” He smiled and watched you carefully as he pushed in his middle finger with the next thrust. His middle finger being slightly longer in addition to the girth of both fingers had your jaw dropping as your head fell back. “So perfect. Look at you, taking my fingers so well. Think you can take my cock just as good?”
“Yes, yes, please Colson.” You nodded fervently, trying to pull yourself off of his fingers. But he wouldn’t let you, pushing up along with you to keep his hand in place as he tsked at you.
“Not now babygirl, need you to come for me first. I don’t wanna hurt you.” He replied as he brought the hand on your waist up to your face. “Can you come for me?”
You whined as your eyebrows furrowed, eyes screwed shut at this point. “Wanna come on your cock.”
“And you will,” Colson reassured you, letting his hand fall to your neck, his thumb gently stroking the column of your throat, “but you gotta give me one before I can let you. I know you can, sweetheart. You’re always such a good girl for me, always taking care of me. Let me take care of you.” He circled your bud faster as he praised you, pushing his fingers in as deep as he could without hurting you to press up against your g-spot. He watched as you rolled your eyes back as the pleasure hit you and he knew you were close. 
He let his hand trail down your chest and then he pulled the lace covering your right breast down. Colson lowered his head and connected his mouth to your hardened nipple and you groaned as he swirled his tongue around it. You grabbed him roughly by the sides of his head and pulled him into a deep kiss. With your eyes closed you didn’t see Colson’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.
He pulled away and looked at you carefully, realizing that you were on the precipice. “Come for me, Angel.” He breathed heavily against your lips. And like a good girl, you did.
Your mouth fell open in a silent scream as you let the pleasure wash over you. Colson smirked as he watched you ride out the high, knowing that he did that to you with only his fingers.
“You really know how to use your hands.” You panted, leaning forward to place your forehead against his. 
“I changed your mind on fingering, didn’t I?” He asked. Colson was right, you used to hate being fingered before you met him. It just felt like prodding fingers and harsh jabs in a place that was far too sensitive for that. He begged and begged to touch you for weeks before you finally agreed, and it was probably one of his proudest moments when he managed to make you come five times with just his fingers that night.
“Ugh, I hate that word.” You chuckled,
“What? Fingering?” Colson asked as he gently pulled his fingers out of you, knowing damn well what word it was. “But I thought you liked getting fingered? I always finger you so good, don’t I?”
“Oh my god, shut up!” You laughed. “You are a man child.”
“A man child who’s great at fingering.” He waggled his eyebrows at you as he brought his digits up to his mouth and sucked them clean. He placed his wet fingers against your cheeks and brought you closer to him, kissing you deeply. You could taste yourself on his tongue and it was intoxicating.
“Fuck me already!” You whined as you broke away from him. You pawed at his boxers to show him how desperate you were. “Please, I need you. Been waiting for you all day.”
“Me too, baby.” Colson huffed, lifting you off his lap and putting you down on the bed to take off his boxers. Once they were halfway across the room, Colson tried to push you down on the bed but you resisted.
“Wanna ride you.” You whispered and watched his eyes light up. 
“Can I take these off first?” He asked, hand coming up to your bra strap, and you nodded. He reached back and unclasped the fabric, watching the straps gently fall down your shoulder. He always loved undressing you, never letting you do it yourself. His hands came up to gently squeeze both your breasts, thumbs rubbing back and forth on your nipples. You slowly reached down to slip off your panties, knowing that Colson would stop you. “Hey, no. Let me.”
He always undressed you, he thought as he pulled your panties down your legs. Why would you attempt something different today? Something wasn’t adding up.
“Lie back.” You whispered as you pushed him down. You crawled up towards him and moved your legs to straddle his hips. “It’s been too long, baby.”
“I fucked you this morning.” Colson chuckled, voice tight as he felt your sopping wet pussy land on his aching dick.
“Like I said,” you sighed nonchalantly, “too long.”
Colson wasn’t one for teasing. You, on the other hand, lived for it. You glided against his length slowly, slicking him up and torturing him at the same time.
“You’re killing me here, sweetheart.” Colson groaned.
“You know it’s my favorite thing to do, my love.” You smiled, leaning down to kiss him. “Gotta remind you who’s in control.”
“Fuck,” he groaned at your words, “you wanna have that talk now? We both know I give you the reins when I feel like it.” He swiftly flipped the two of you over, leaving him hovering over your body. His right hand quickly reached up to circle your throat, applying the slightest bit of pressure. “Now be a good girl and ride my dick like you said you would.”
“Yes sir,” you smiled as you got the exact reaction you were hoping for. He dropped down next to you and helped you back into your previous position, but you stayed hovering over his hips. You grabbed the base of his cock and positioned the tip against your entrance. Slowly lowering yourself, you let go once the tip was firmly in place. You placed both hands against Colson’s heavily inked chest and pushed down the rest of the way.
You both moaned in unison when he bottomed out after what felt like forever. Colson tried to move his hips, but with the slight shake of your head he paused. “Gimme a- gimme a second, Mr. Monster Cock.”
“After all this time, sweetheart?” He smirked.
“You say that every time, Colson.” You laughed as you tried to relax. “Okay.” You nodded as you slowly lifted yourself off his hips, pausing at the tip and then lowering yourself a little faster than before. “Feels bigger every time. You’re not taking those penis enlargement pills, are you?” You knew you were only stroking his ego at this point, but his face was worth it.
“They should probably use me for their ads.” 
“They’d sell out too fast.” You groaned, your eyes fluttering shut. “I should ride you more often.”
“You don’t like it when I’m in control?” He asked, head rolling back and accentuating his adam’s apple. He opened his eyes and placed his palm against your throat again, warning you.
“Love it when you’re in control, baby.” You hummed. “But I gotta say, watching you from this angle is the closest thing I’ve ever seen to heaven.”
“Good answer.” He chuckled, letting his hand slip down to your chest. Before he could even try to hold you, you grabbed his hand and pushed it against the bed, holding it there.
It finally clicked in Colson’s head as he saw the sweater you were wearing earlier that morning hung up behind the door. You had barely let him touch you today after he filmed that stupid tiktok. Oh fuck no, this wasn’t gonna happen on his watch. 
He sat up with you still in his lap and grabbed both of your hands. “What are you doing, y/n?” His tone and the use of your name and not a pet name stopped you in your tracks.
“I’m fucking my boyfriend, what are you doing?” You asked, not understanding what he was on about. 
“You’re not letting me touch you.” You looked down at your hands in his and raised your brows at him. “No,” he paused, placing both your hands in his left one and reaching towards your chest, “you’re not letting me touch you.” He squeezed your left breast causing you to gasp and arch your back. “Every time I get close, you push me away.”
“I’m not-”
“Don’t lie.” He shook his head disappointedly. “You know that video was a joke, right? I can delete it right fucking now if you want me to.”
“Colson, it’s not about that-” You started.
“Then what is it about?” He raised his brows at you. “You’re not letting me enjoy what’s mine.” He pinched your nipple hard and watched as you arched your back again. “You are mine. And I like to enjoy what's mine. These are mine. I like to kiss them,” he leaned down to do just that, “I like to bite them,” he gently nipped against the soft skin of your breast. “And I fucking love marking them.” He sucked a spot right next to your nipple, pulling away only when he was sure it would be dark enough to show. “Don’t stop me from enjoying what’s mine, you understand?”
“Yes sir.” You nodded, wrists still held in his left hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t about the video, I promise.”
“Shh,” he pressed his lips against yours to silence you, “we’ll talk about it later. We’re not having any important conversations when you’re squeezing my dick like that, sweetheart.”
“Like,” you paused to clench your inner walls, “that?”
“Oh fuck!” Colson choked out, thrusting his hips up roughly. “Darling, I think you should let me handle this now.”
“I’m all yours,” you breathed.
As soon as the words left your mouth, Colson let himself go. He didn’t even bother flipping you over, he just took control with you on top. He grabbed you by the hips and simply used you.
You tried to sneak your hand down to give your sweet spot some attention, but Colson’s growl stopped you. “Be patient, baby.”
The thrusts were no longer consistent as his hips stuttered, telling you that he was close. “Colson,” you whined, “please.”
He paused and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he saw how wrecked you looked. Tears leaving black trails of watery mascara down your cheeks, and lipstick smeared to one side, probably because of how he flipped you over that first time. He could see how desperate you were and he wanted to be the solution. He needed to be the solution.
Reaching down slowly, taking his time trailing your body as he went, Colson circled his finger against your clit and began to thrust ever so slowly. It took so much effort to maintain his slow pace, but anything was worth it when it came to you. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?” He asked as he focused on your blissed out face. “Beautiful and mine. All mine.”
“Yours,” you nodded as you squeezed your eyes shut. “So close, Colson. I’m so-”
“Let go for me, baby.”
With a high pitched moan, you let go. You spasmed on his cock, milking it and making it incredibly difficult for him not to blow his load right then and there.
As you started to wilt against him, you felt him slowly pulling out of you. “But you-”
“Wanna- Oh fuck… Wanna come on your tits.” He groaned, pumping himself as soon as he was out of you. You quickly laid down on the bed and pushed out your chest. He brought his knees to either side of waist and placed the hand that wasn’t working his cock around your throat. “Mine.”
“Yours.” You gasped. With a few more pumps, his head was rolling back and he was painting your chest.
He panted heavily as he came down from his high, eyes still tightly closed. When he finally opened them, he smiled lazily. “Look at you, covered in my load. So pretty, baby.” He reached down and rubbed the seed into your skin and against your nipples. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on your forehead and sagged against you for a moment.
After his breather, he sat back up and headed to the bathroom, tossing a ‘be right back’ over his shoulder. You were left alone in the bedroom for a minute, hearing the water running in the bathroom reminding you that you need to pee.
You weren’t entirely sure where the sudden insecurity came from tonight. Not that you weren’t ever insecure about your body, but never during sex and definitely never with Colson. You sat up on the bed and stared at the open bathroom door where your boyfriend was. He had only ever made you feel loved and gorgeous. Maybe his obvious acknowledgment to your lack of cup size did make you question. Question your worthiness of him. He was obviously well endowed, and most people knew that. You chuckled lightly as you remembered the stupid cock sock.
Maybe it made you feel a little less than, you thought as you walked towards the bathroom. You walked in and let your fingers trail against Colson’s shoulder as you passed him at the sink to do your business.
You watched him as he grabbed a towel and ran it under the warm water. You quickly finished and sat on the bathroom counter in front of him. He slowly wiped away at your chest with the damp cloth, being gentle against the soft skin. 
But here he is. Caring for you. Loving on you. Loving you. You almost laughed out loud at yourself for questioning his love or your worthiness when he was so obviously devoted to you of his own accord. 
“I love you.” You broke the silence.
“I love you, too.” Colson looked up at you, slightly shocked and confused. You had both already said the ‘L-word’ a while ago, but you usually kept the love confessions in dark rooms and not in the harsh bathroom light. “Was I too-”
“No.” You shook your head as he reached for your pack of makeup wipes behind you. “No, you always take care of me so well.”
You went quiet again, before you opened your mouth to speak at the same time that he did. He paused and waited for you to speak, but when you didn’t, he started again.
“If that video bothered you, you should have told me y/n. I’m sorry I made you feel insecure, but next time you gotta tell me before it escalates.” He spoke softly as he pulled a wipe out of the pack and cleaned up your face. “I love you. That includes every part of you.”
“I’m sorry, I promise it wasn’t the stupid video. It was actually really funny.” You chuckled. “I don’t know what hit me. When I was getting ready before you came, I just looked down at my drawer and felt so stupid. I felt like I was pretending to be sexy for you. Like- Like I was convincing myself all this time that this turned you on when there’s no way it could.” He opened his mouth but you looked at him and he paused. “But I know that that isn’t true. And I’m sorry for doing that back there.”
“I swear to god y/n, if you apologize one more time-”
You laughed, placing your hand on his chest. “I’m so- I’m not! I’m not sorry!”
“You aren’t,” he nodded, his eyes meeting yours so that you knew he was being serious, “because you have nothing to be sorry for. And I know that if I apologize again, this is never gonna end. I love you, and you are so sexy, and I am the world’s luckiest man because you’re all mine.”
“Yeah, you are.” You giggled and smiled as he rolled his eyes. 
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papercuts33 · 6 months
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(.fanfiction preview.)
Kelly raised his arm into the air, creating a large motion as Jaden inched by you, his sweaty hand squeezing yours. “JADEN HOSSLER, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!” He yells at the top of his lungs, Jaden breezed onto the stage and jumped on top of one of the larger speakers– his calloused hands reaching down to touch the awaiting, grasping hands of the girls below. Kells keeps a firm grip on Jaden’s belt loop, ensuring Jaden keeps his rigid footing on the speaker. 
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