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#and literally always will be? or even if it ever changes. I’m literally ruined now as a person I can’t talk to others anymore I’m so
judeyswife · 2 months
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not what i’m looking for. — jude bellingham x reader. II
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genre : angst
word count : 928
note : hii lovies, this is official part two of the series not what im looking for !!! (part one) please let me know of what yall think in the comments! there will be a part 3 guys so don't worry, but it'll probs be a wrap up for this mini series since i want to get started on some other fics too + made a few format changes and writing from author's pov this time -- but thats it! enjoyyy! requests box always open !!
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"i'm sorry"
it's horrendous how fast people switch up. or i'd say men, in this case. it's been roughly about six months since that conversation had happened. it was honestly one of the worst days in your whole life. i mean, yeah you'll get through it. but why? every once in a while you think about what did she have that you didn't.
but this is a topic that hasn't been brought up in about a month. and a certain individual isn't mentioned anymore in your life thank the lord.
you have gone to a beach house near where you live with a few of your best friends, layla, jess, and liv. yall needed this vacation after months of torture. or studying.
they've been with you since day one. truthfully you'd say who needs a relationship when you have your homegirls?
"Y/N, come here right fucking now." -- layla screamed from our room in the house.
you could literally think she had been getting murdered with the way she was screaming honestly.
"oh my god what!"
"whats his name posted a fucking video of missing someone LOOK."
who? jude.
you sit next to her curiously taking her phone from her hands in order for you to take a look at the tiktok she was trying to show you.
( for the sake of the story, jude has tiktok xoxo )
you were shocked. who genuinely who would've though that he'd actually miss us? it didn't even sound right thinking about it.
"maybe it's about her layla" you shrugged getting up to grab your water bottle from her desk.
"are you stupid girl, he's obviously thinking about you, i mean look at his caption." - 'didn't think a situationship could hurt more than an actual relationship' don't be a fool y/n"
liv and jess had entered the room a few minutes ago listening to the conversation making liv enter the conversation.
"ain't no way he has the nerve to do that bullshit on social media"
you stood there listening to them diss jude for about 5 minutes straight. but your lost in your thoughts. i mean, why would he ever miss something he supposedly never had? it's genuinely so draining and confusing.
"guys just drop it, its whatever. lets just go hang out at the hot tub, i really fucking need it"
your friends just looked at one another not saying a single word. they knew better. not to make you sound like a maniac or anything, but they knew how you were with bottling up your feelings. jude was a sensitive topic for you. they didn't want to be the cause of ruining your vacation over some dumb tiktok captions. they simply agreed with you and started getting changed to go out the the hot tub.
it had been a few hours since you last seen your phone and you're now inside getting ready to have dinner with the girls and settling down. so you took these few moments, unlocked your phone and checked out what you had missed.
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you furrowed your eyebrows trying to figure out who this number could possibly belong to. since you and layla are sharing a room for the trip, she was getting ready at her vanity and noticed your confused expression.
"y/n what's up?" -- asking you meanwhile putting a face mask on.
"i don't know, this random number just texted me with my name i'm just hella confused"
"that's weird. ask who it is obviously"
you nodded listening to what she had advised you to do.
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you had this conversation silently without saying a word to layla about who this "mystery person" was. mainly because you wanted to fight your own battles. i mean you basically already had jess and liv involved. not that your mad at them or anything, you know they want what's best for you. clearly they're on team jude. those girls.
"who was it?" layla said getting up from her chair to grab her phone from the charger near her bed. "no one important, they got the wrong number and person" you honestly don't know how she believed you. you hate to admit but you were feeling jittery after having that conversation with jude after so long. even if it was barely a conversation.
you hated that you needed to lie to layla, but you truly believed it was honestly for the best. when you and jude were talking, they knew every single detail about the relationship you had with jude. and by they i mean your friends and his friends. always involved. one of the main issues why miscommunication was lacking horribly in your relationship. so that's why you want a new beginning. not just to "lie" to your friends but to feel the sense of control in your life. even if tomorrow was the last conversation you had with jude, you wanted to keep the moment to yourself.
without saying a word to anyone, you and jude had been chatting it up all night. just a catch up with each other. you guys went from telling every detail of your day to each other, to not saying a single word for months to each other. it felt nice being able to slowly regain that comfort you once had when you guys would text or facetime all night long.
you were honestly praying for the best in tomorrow's conversation, you had no idea what it could lead up to.
but the overthinking was done on your pillow all night long, plus his texts of course.
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gimmehyuck · 1 year
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a series of (un)fortunate events | l.mk
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summary. it’s been months since you've seen mark in person. when you have no choice but to be around him because of a wedding, you start to feel as if fate likes to see you suffer.
or, alternatively:
maybe fate just wants to see you happy.
pairing. rising actor!mark x fem!reader, feat. hyuck and ryujin
words. 9.4k
genre. exes to lovers; fluff with lots of angst sprinkled all over
warnings. reader has anxiety, honestly she’s a little bit miserable but i think we can forgive her for that, alcohol consumption, i asked my friend what the agents name should be and we both thought linda would be funny (sorry if your name is linda), cliche kdrama drunk scene bc i can
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you were frozen in time. mind completely empty. the literal embodiment of ‘not a thought behind those eyes’. it took a solid 45 seconds of ryujin calling your name before you snapped out of it and looked at her again through your phone screen. she was frowning at you and you couldn’t help but mutter under your breath a small, “shit.”
clearing your voice you apologized with a smile this time.
“i knew she’d react like this,” ryujin said to the other person sharing the space on the phone screen.
“i know… look,” donghyuck said to you after turning away from his now fiancé. “i told mark that he’s my best man because he’s my best friend, but i also told him to try and keep his distance. we both want the both of you there for us.” donghyuck was pouting a little, probably because he always got his way when he did that but you were mostly looking at ryujin. she was happy and you could tell, but her eyes were worried for you. and who were you to ruin this time for her?
“oh, of course babe. i can handle this, no worries at all!” you forced the smile to meet your eyes, hoping she’d buy it. she didn’t. but she admired your bravery in the moment and didn’t press you further.
“i’ll let you know the details, you’ll have to fly back home so don’t worry about the dresses or anything. i’ll take care of that for you!” she chirped.
“ryu, no! if i’m the maid of honor then i should help with this stuff!” but ryujin was already waving her hand dismissively.
“just focus on getting here, it’s going to be expensive enough to get plane tickets, let alone the back and forth. so we’ll make it one trip for the wedding and i’ll facetime you for everything.”
“at least let me plan the bachelorette party,” you argued. and ryujin smiled brightly at that.
“i wouldn’t dream of taking that away from you.”
after a few more minutes of honest congratulations and eye rolls for donghyuck, you hung up the phone and you sat back on the couch while you stared at the picture that was the home screen. running your hand through your hair, you sighed heavily. the picture of mark leaning against the short wall of the ice rink as he was laughing hysterically was staring back at you, the moment captured during your one year anniversary date. you had fallen while ice skating and he spent the first two minutes laughing before he pulled himself together to help you up. you had been recording at the time and it was your favorite picture.
even though it had been two months since you had left, you still didn’t have the heart to change it. just like you didn’t have the heart to fall out of love with him. this wedding would be the second hardest thing you’d have to do.
the first will always be the night you left.
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you took everything that you had originally thought back. this would absolutely be the second hardest thing you’d ever have to do.
when ryujin sent you the seating arrangement for the wedding and let it slip that you’d have to walk with mark down the aisle, you nearly cried.
you did cry, actually.
luckily you knew where the letters were on your keyboard so you were able to type out a ‘sounds good to me, babe :)’ without actually seeing since your watery eyes were making the keyboard all but disappear.
you angrily brushed them away, getting so frustrated with your emotions and scolding yourself because you would have to get this under control in three months time. you still didn’t understand the rush of the wedding but it wasn’t your wedding to plan therefore you had no say in the matter. shaking your head you went back to your laptop to search for plane tickets to korea when the late night show’s host saying mark’s name caught your attention and you quickly whipped your head up to watch the tv.
“tonight we have with us, the up and coming star whose debut movie will be releasing this friday, mark lee!” the audience clapped and the thought of reaching for the remote to turn off the tv did not cross your mind; the idea of getting to see him aside from the random magazine cover made your heart ache but in that moment you wanted to brave the ache if only to get to see a smile from him.
mark walked on the set and waved at everyone, a bright smile on his face that you had been waiting for. his blue blazer complementing his black hair, and you couldn’t help but think about how handsome he looked. you were far too entranced to tell yourself to turn it off now.
“so!” the host said, clapping his hands together as mark took his seat adjacent to him. “welcome to the show.”
mark nodded along, “thank you for having me.”
“the pleasure is all ours, isn’t that right?” the host said to the crowd and they began the applause all over again. you noticed mark’s ears turning a little pink and you knew he was getting a little overwhelmed with the love from strangers.
“your debut movie dive into you, your very first role as an actor nonetheless, was making waves,” the host paused with a raised eyebrow while the crowd - and mark - laughed at his pun; then continued, “of the sundance festival. how did it feel to win awards so soon after wrapping up production?”
mark smiled and nodded along in answer, “it feels like it’s not real honestly, but also like my hard work has finally paid off. i never really thought i’d be here. i never thought i’d get to see this part of my dream come to pass but here i am. i can’t help but feel nervous, but also excited, you know? the director, cast, and crew were all welcoming and amazing to work with. i’ll truly remember this moment forever, and be grateful for it.” the host nodded along with mark as he answered his question at length, and then as he spoke the hosts lips pursed and he began tapping his chin.
“you said something very interesting just then, mark,” the host commented and mark raised an eyebrow at him suddenly looking around trying to figure out what it was exactly that he had said, as if the audience could help him find it.
“what? did i accidentally cuss and not realize it?” mark gave a nervous laugh and you couldn’t help but smile at his awkwardness. you were happy to see that although he had achieved his dream, he was still the same mark.
“oh no! and besides. it’s late night tv, you’re allowed to cuss here and there,” the host laughed a little before leaning forward on his desk and mark leaned closer as if they were going to share a secret.
“what i was curious about, and i’m sure what everyone else at home is curious about as well, is what you meant exactly by ‘this part of my dream’? what’s the other half… or whatever fraction of your dream that hasn’t come true yet?”
and mark’s eyebrows rose, “ahhh, that…” he hesitated while he scratched the back of his neck.
“i just meant… um, i just meant that the other part being that i wish that my- my friends were able to be here and celebrate this milestone with me.” mark was lying through his teeth, you could tell because as he said the word friends, his nose scrunched a little and that was always how you knew he was either lying or withholding something. but these people wouldn’t know that about him, and the shows host accepted the answer immediately. his face gave a look of understanding and almost concern.
“oh yeah, you came from korea for this movie, didn’t you?” and mark nodded in answer.
“yeah, they’re all back home supporting me but it’s okay. my best friend is getting married in a couple of months so i’ll be able to celebrate then with them in person!” and the host grinned widely at mark and then the camera.
“well that makes me happy for you, mark, truly! oh, and it looks like that’s all the time we have for tonight. everyone go watch dive into you when it releases in theatres this friday!”
the credits began to roll and mark was shot smiling and clapping, leaning over to say something to the host that the camera mic didn’t catch as the show ended. seeing his smile and being happy like that made the heart ache worsen, and you rubbed at your chest trying to ease the metaphorical pain. you weren’t sure if you were ready to see him. you weren’t sure if you’d be able to keep it together for this whole thing.
but for ryujin, you’d try.
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fuck this. you couldn’t do it.
you really really couldn’t do it.
after landing in korea you connected to the wifi of the airport only to receive one message from ryujin.
5:50 pm my baby 👭: mark will be picking u up from the airport, hyuck and i had last minute kinks to work out for the wedding but i’ll come and get u tonight for the bachelorette party! i’m so sorry 😞
she even had the nerve, the audacity to send the sad emoji but all you could do was feel your heart racing from anxiety. so you quickly typed back in a panic -
that’s ok! i can just take a taxi, no need for mark to come!
but she answered immediately as if she were waiting for your response, and her only message was, “he’s already there!”
and you were going to fucking kill her. you were absolutely going to murder her before she even got the chance to step one toe down the aisle. you didn’t even bother responding to the text, your anxiety and frustration making an uncomfortable mix in your chest and if you weren’t already thirty seconds from a panic attack, your phone buzzed again and with sweaty palms you checked it.
6:05 pm ml 🐯🥰: ryujin gave me your new number, sorry if this is weird. but i’m outside in the blue car, take your time though.
6:06 pm ml 🐯🥰: this is mark, btw
you internally screamed as you read the message over and over again, the contact name being another thing you also didn’t have the heart to change like your wallpaper, truly thinking you would never see it pop up again. you abruptly sat on the nearest bench as you waited for your checked luggage to arrive at the baggage carousel, the people who were standing around you edged further away from you. flashing you concerned looks at your apparent mental break down, but you could hardly even blink. you felt your heart rising in your throat and you tried to breathe through your nose and out through your mouth.
you tried slowly counting to five.
you tried breathing in for a few seconds and breathing out slower.
as you sat, you tried every calming technique you could think of.
it wasn’t until an elderly lady placed a gentle hand on your shoulder causing you to jump slightly and she gave you a kind look.
“everything is going to be okay,” she said as she gently rubbed your back and then just… walked away. the sudden appearance and disappearance of her making your panic halt in an instant in the distraction.
then the carousel whirred to life, and you had to rush over to haul your bag off of the moving belt before you had to wait for it to come around again. you really should have let it circle around a few times, but that idea came to you after you had already set the suitcase on the ground.
the kindness from the older woman, and the knowledge that you would be able to thoroughly murder your friend in a few short hours helped you to steel your nerves as you exited the airport and quickly found the blue car mark was driving.
it was easy to spot because he was literally leaning against it while he stared at his phone. you hesitated a moment, taking him in and god did he look good in those jeans and that sweater. the thoughts getting away from you before you could stop them but immediately scolded yourself.
steadying yourself with a quick breath, you rolled your suitcase up to the trunk and he jerked his head up at the sudden movement.
“oh, hi. i was waiting for a response from you- but, uh, um, here! let me get that.” he said quickly as he reached for your bag to help you heave it into the trunk but you put your hand up to stop him, taking a step back to create space.
“it’s okay,” you said, a little too curt with him. “i can do it myself.” and mark instantly deflated, your heart jumping at the need to fix that look.
no, you scolded yourself and internally forced your heart to still. he’s not yours anymore.
you made sure of that.
mark stepped back and let you lift up the heavy suitcase yourself, dropping it ever so gracefully in the trunk. you closed it and tried not to make eye contact as you moved around mark to get into the passenger seat. when you shut the door you couldn’t stop yourself from looking in the side mirror to see him frown and he shook his head at himself. you breathed a sigh of relief out. the ‘ripping off the bandaid’ part over and done with.
he got in to his side of the car smoothly, and you prepared yourself for an awkward silence the entire ride to the hotel.
“we’re staying at the same place, so that’s cool!” mark said casually, trying to create some form of conversation, of peace. you didn’t respond to what he said, instead opting for a different approach.
“you didn’t need to come and get me,” you said quietly as you stared at the passing cars on the road.
“i wanted to,” he said just as quietly, and you flinched internally at what sounded like sadness. he said your name, and then hesitated. after a few moments of silence, you saw his reflection in the window shake his head slightly as he decided against saying whatever it was.
“never mind.” was the last word uttered of the drive.
the tension weighed heavily on your already wounded heart.
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fate had it out for you. she must really enjoy screwing you over. because what you kept thinking would be the hardest part… kept continuously turning out to absolutely not be the hardest part, as if she were taunting you.
exhibit d:
“what do you mean my reservation was canceled?” you asked the hotel concierge for the third time in a row, causing her to sigh in frustration at you, finally cracking her happy persona she had to wear for her job.
“ma’am, i really don’t know how else to explain it to you. it says here it was canceled, and your room was already booked by someone else.”
“well unbook it!” you insisted, all but yelling out at that point, completely fed up. “i didn’t cancel my reservation, so it must have been a system error. isn’t there anything you can do to fix this?”
“i’m sorry,” the woman said again. “we’re fully booked for a wedding that’s taking place in a few days.”
“i-“ you paused pinching the bridge of your nose tightly, taking a moment to deeply inhale. you were going to have to google better calming techniques. “i. know. because i am in that wedding!” you hissed between clenched teeth and when the woman reached for the phone in fear, to call what you presumed was the security, mark stepped in suddenly. he leaned against the tall counter, and his sudden closeness made you jerk your head up to make eye contact with him.
“i booked a suite with an extra bed, it may be a little… um, awkward but the bed is yours if you want it.” his ears were turning red, but his voice sounded genuine. as if he truly meant his offer and god you wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and never come out. knowing your options were limited to this or staying with your parents who lived two hours outside of the city, you really didn’t have any other choice.
fate was absolutely fucking with you just because she could, was the only thought on replay as you were getting ready in the bathroom for the bachelorette party that night. considering you had slept on the plane, you weren’t tired yet and you figured you’d be able to sleep off the jetlag with a nice hangover before the rehearsal dinner the next evening. putting the final touches on your makeup, you looked at yourself in the mirror.
you could do this.
you could do this.
you could do this.
you repeated those three sentences like a mantra to yourself over and over, trying to give yourself the confidence to leave the room and be in the same space as mark again, but it seemed like the universe had different plans as your inner musings were interrupted.
“you look… really pretty.” he said in the entrance of the bathroom, his body blocking the only exit from the room. you looked down to avoid the eye contact in the mirror he was giving you, and muttered a quiet, “thank you.”
he paused a moment more before saying your name, for the second time since you had seen him, and hearing his voice saying your name in that way as opposed to the first time… it almost made tears spring to your eyes.
“i just wanted-“ he started, but for the first time since you had been told of this wedding, something (because it definitely wasn’t fate) decided to take pity on you and give you a break because at that moment you got a text from ryujin.
9:45 pm murder victim (1) 🔪: here babe!!
and you instantly sighed in relief. cutting mark off from what you were sure he had spent the last hour building up the courage to say, you turned on your heel and said, “ryu’s here! gotta go.”
you brushed past him to exit the hotel room, not even noticing that you had forgotten the door key on your way out.
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it was three am.
or maybe four.
you weren’t sure.
you spent the first twenty minutes of the night scolding the hell out of ryujin in the back of the uber and she just took it with a grin.
“and just what is so funny?” you huffed at her, crossing your arms and allowing your brows to stay furrowed.
“it’s almost like the universe is telling you to get back together.” she sang, and wiggled her eyebrows at you. you threw your hands up in exasperation, drawing eyes from the driver through the rearview mirror. giving a slight bow of apology to him you turned back to ryujin only to roll your eyes at her.
“no, the universe likes watching me hit a newly discovered rock bottom. we’re not getting back together and i’m sure he’ll be happy to have me gone once your wedding is over.” ryujin only shrugged and you didn’t hear it when she muttered, “i wouldn’t be so sure.”
when the uber dropped you off in front of the first club of the night, your sour mood dispersed in a second as you headed inside.
you and ryujin, along with her other bridesmaids in her party, heejin, yeji, and jimin had bounced from club to club and you had thoroughly drank your cares away. you were no longer thinking about how fate was a bitch. you were no longer thinking about the doom and gloom you were feeling.
you were no longer thinking about mark.
except that last one was a lie because he was the only thought that occupied your brain through the night, so much so that ryujin had to cover your mouth with her hand to stop your rambling about him.
but as the dawn crept closer and closer, all of you were calling it quits. yeji had lost a shoe somewhere along the way and jimin had left thirty minutes before, taking a whiny yeji with her; heejin was finally getting into her uber after ten minutes of drunkenly explaining that no, she wasn’t in the building the street over, and yes the gps was actually wrong. it just left you and ryujin as you waited for donghyuck to come pick you up, knowing he was on standby for the designated driver role of the morning. ryujin held your hand and affectionately laid her head on your shoulder. you copied the action and turned so you could hug each other and sway back and forth, the scene cute if not for the fact that anyone watching could tell that you were both heavily intoxicated if the giggles coming from you both after each dramatic sway were any indicator.
“you know everything is gonna be okay,” she slurred a little too loudly in your ear and the phrase made you think of something but you couldn’t quite remember what it was.
“i know,” you giggled at her, grinning brightly and you both squeezed each other tighter. you couldn’t remember in that moment what needed to be okay.
“hey, that’s my future wife! if you wanted her you should have proposed first!” you both turned to see donghyuck smiling widely, as he leaned across the center console to be able to tease you both out of the passenger window. you answered by sticking your tongue out childishly at him and ryujin answered by kissing your cheek with a loud, exaggerated smack, leaving a red stain on your cheek from what was left of her lipstick.
“i could have had her years before you even knew her, and i’ll have her years after you. remember that!” you said while pointing your fingers at your eyes and turning them on him. he rolled his eyes and sarcastically mimicked your response before motioning for you both to get in the car.
the drive back to the hotel was quiet and for the first time that night you checked your phone.
11:03 pm ml 🐯🥰: hey, i just noticed you left your keycard to get back in the hotel
12:00 am ml 🐯🥰: i’ll sleep with my phone off of silent, just call when you get back and i’ll let you in
2:15 am ml 🐯🥰: please be safe, let me know if i need to come get you
your heart fluttered at his messages and you drunkenly smiled at how he still cared. you covered your mouth to hide your smile but the sober one in the car didn’t miss the way your eyes lit up in a way that neither he nor ryujin had seen on you in five months. he could only smirk to himself as he drove, promising to himself to tell ryujin about what he saw the next morning.
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you stumbled your way down the hallway, stopping and taking off one shoe as it was rubbing your foot painfully. then after a few steps you realized how silly it was to walk with one heel on and you clumsily leaned against the wall to pull off the other shoe. arriving to the door, you giggled at the idea of getting to call and talk to mark.
mark was here, with you.
you were here, with mark.
something you’d never thought would happen again and it made your heart soar. giggling again at that thought you pulled out your phone. hitting the call button, he picked up after the third ring and you sighed as you leaned against the door frame, allowing it to hold you up.
“hello?” his voice was raspy from sleep and it made butterflies erupt in your stomach.
“hi,” you giggled once more, and you internally smacked yourself this time.
play it cool or don’t talk yourself into sounding like an idiot, you told yourself.
“hi,” he parroted back to you. “are you okay? do i need to come get you?”
“yeah, can you please?” and you heard rustling through the phone.
“okay, i’m on my way. where are you?” he didn’t hesitate. he didn’t even sigh. he didn’t seem annoyed by having to help you. he seemed… almost happy in the way he said his words. as if you could audibly hear the smile. but maybe that was the alcohol letting you hear what you wanted to hear. you heard him walking around in the hotel room through the phone, and saw a light flick on from the little sliver of a gap under the door.
“on the other side of the door,” you smiled, laughing a little harder at your own joke and the door jerked open to reveal mark in all his sleepy glory. shirt wrinkled and hair sticking out at in odd directions. his relief, however, made way to his smile and he couldn’t help but stare down at you for a moment… but you, you were definitely still drunk. and who needs inhibitions to tell you not to do something anyways? not you, that’s for sure.
“my pretty maaaark!” you sang, as you threw yourself against him, or well, fell against him would be a better term for what happened.
he froze at the sudden affection from you, arms raised at awkward angles above your body before allowing his arms to lower and hug you back gently.
“i’m so sleepy, mark.” you slurred against his chest and you nuzzled your cheek against it, thinking about how soft this shirt was. he huffed a small laugh and pulled you further into the room so he could close the door.
“okay, let’s get you to bed then. c’mon.” and he helped you walk (in reality he half carried you) towards the shared bedroom.
“mark,” you called his name again softly. he glanced down at you and he noticed you were already looking up at him, arms still wrapped around his waist.
“mm?” he answered as he navigated you finally over to the bed.
“i’m so happy,” you said to him and somehow, fate again you assumed - that bitch - you simultaneously tripped over your own drunk feet and tumbled back onto the bed. your arms that were still wrapped around his waist gave him no choice but to fall with you, or well, on top of you. he caught himself instead of crushing you, an arm on each side of your head, caging you in.
he looked down at you and your body acting off it’s own accord by gripping his shirt tightly at his waist. you couldn’t help but stare at his face for a few long seconds, eyes going from his eyes, up to his hair, down to his lips, back to his eyes, and then back to his lips one last time.
“and why is that?” he asked, bringing you back to the moment before you tripped. and although your eyes had drifted back up to his eyes, he noticed that yours started to slowly flutter closed, as if you were fighting sleep but the alcohol was winning. your bright smile you gave him while you were thinking of the answer made his heart beat fast, but the words you said next made it stop entirely.
“because i get to be here with you, even if it’s just for a moment. i missed you so much, my mark, all marked in my heart.” you laughed softly again at your own joke, referencing back to a pickup line he had given you that made you say yes to his first request of a date. he couldn’t help the melancholy feeling that overcame him as he looked down at your sleeping form, the alcohol finally taking you from awake to asleep within seconds.
“i’m happy too,” he whispered though you didn’t hear it.
if only you knew how happy he actually was.
.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.
the next day, you surprisingly slept well considering it was 3 o’clock in the afternoon and you were still in your clothes from last night. the curtains were drawn tightly as to not let any light in, and you groaned at the headache that pulsed behind your eyelids. you knew the room was empty based on the the silence and you were grateful for it as you felt embarrassed by your actions the night before. why the hell would you say that to mark? if you wanted him to hate you, well, you were doing a damn good job of solidifying that. you searched for your phone amongst the blankets and pillows to check your messages.
11:15 am murder victim (2) 🔫: mark said earlier that you forgot your key, hope you ‘got in’ okay ;)
11:30 am murder victim (1) 🔪: hi babe, how’s the hangover? the rehearsal is at 5. text me when u get up, ily 😘
11:47 am ml 🐯🥰: i put tylenol by the bed with some water, i would have ordered you food but didn’t know what time you’d be getting up. see you later
your heart gave way at the kind gesture as you flipped on a light switch and squinted at the brightness, quickly finding the medicine and downing it in one go to quickly turn off the light again.
maybe he wasn’t hating you like you thought.
you gave yourself thirty minutes to try and let the headache lose the battle with the medicine you took and finally rolled out of bed to take a shower, doing everything you could think of to keep mark and his never ending kindness off of your mind. you got ready in record time, and somehow made it to the rehearsal on time with five minutes to spare.
you ran through the wedding fairly quickly, and you most certainly did not blush as mark took your arms in his to walk you down the aisle for the practice run. besides that, you didn’t get a chance to look at mark until it came to dinner with the wedding party for the night.
fate, and you couldn’t say you were mad at her this time, had allowed mark to sit next to you during dinner.
“so mark,” yeji had said as she stuffed a piece of broccoli into her mouth. “what’s it like being famous now?”
he groaned in answer. his hand moved ever so slightly to the right and his pinky was suddenly touching yours. your eyes widened but you didn’t move your hand away, allowing his hand to rest next to yours. it felt like something from middle school when you would get excited over your crush, your eyes laser-focused on where you were connected.
“i mean, of course i’m happy to have found success in it.”
success.
that word alone sent you back to The Moment five months ago.
success was all that you wanted for mark, you were happy to watch him as he acted on set. with the way his schedule had been lining up, you hardly saw him. so when you suggested that maybe you could spend the day with him on set while he worked, he didn’t say no to you. it made you happy that he made you feel like he was fitting time in with you even if he was insanely busy.
you missed spending time with him, and you really… just… missed him. his absence making your worries and self doubts grow more eminent but you were both usually good at communicating so it wasn’t a constant worry, but the worry was there all the same.
mark had just left you to begin another scene, leaving you sitting in his chair that was off to the side and you couldn’t stop your eyes from following him around the room, watching his interactions with his cast mates.
a body landing into the chair next to yours caused you to jump and you turned to see his manager sitting next to you, leaning to the side to be just on the verge of invading your space. she was a stone faced woman, perfectly presented down to the red polish of her nails.
you had only met her a few times but she seemed… nice enough. you couldn’t deny that she worked hard to get mark solid chances and auditions so you appreciated her as mark did.
the situation at hand made you uncomfortable for some reason though, your gut telling you to move away from her.
you didn’t listen.
“so,” his manager began slowly, not making eye contact with you, instead her eyes were following mark as yours had been doing moments before.
“so…?” you prompted when she didn’t begin speaking right away.
“we need to talk… and i’m taking the initiative because mark’s too kind and won’t do it.” this caught you off guard entirely. mark was keeping something from you? you were both good terrible secret keepers with each other and this seemed so unlike him.
but, you thought, his manager was with him when you weren’t so maybe…
“oh…” you said, and finally his manager made eye contact with you. the cold stare she was giving you sent shivers down your spine.
“look, sweetie. this… this relationship you have with mark. it isn’t working.” and she patted you on the shoulder as if this were good news. “it isn’t going to work for his image or his future. you know you’re holding him back from the future he could have. the future he deserves. why do you want to burden him any further than you already have?” she asked, voice dripping with a sense of sweetness that screamed condescension.
you stilled at that instantly. the thought that you may have been the problem the entire time you were together… that you were the reason as to why he couldn’t get auditions… you would be lying if you said it hadn’t crossed your mind.
“but mark never said…” you argued weakly, playing with your fingers all while trying not to make eye contact with the woman sitting next to you.
“of course he wouldn’t, dear. he knows you’re too… fragile.” she sneered at the last word, her disdain for you being glaringly obvious as the conversation carried on. your anxiety made you fragile? mark had talked about you to her?
when you didn’t respond right away, mind racing, mark’s manager stood up.
“if you want to be selfish, and ruin his chances at success then that’s fine. just know any future failures would be on you. if you truly loved him, you’d do this for him. you’d leave.” her voice changed sharply within that sentence, the word selfish becoming a thicker blanket on top of burden in your mind and it was like you couldn’t breathe.
the anxiety stemming from the words she had just said - the fears you had been harboring for months, the thoughts that you had been smothering like a fire in the back of your mind suddenly roared to life, and the sudden heat was too hot for you to handle in the moment.
the idea of mark possibly resenting you in the future for things you knew were out of your control, it shook you… and it was minutes of spiraling into yourself before you realized that his manger had been long gone and the director had called cut.
mark stopped by where you sat for a brief moment to tell you that he had to go to the the hair and makeup trailer and he would be back soon. the fact that he didn’t tell you that he loved you with a quick kiss like he usually would being the final nail in the coffin for you in believing every word.
you got up and left the set that day, going to your shared home with mark and realized there wasn’t much that you wanted to take anyway. your heart was shattered and everything you’d take would only remind you of him.
you had packed a suitcase, and sat for a long time contemplating if you wanted to leave a letter but then ultimately decided that if he was already feeling burdened by you, you’d be doing him a favor by not making it hard on him. or well, any harder.
allowing that memory to play all the way through for the first time since seeing him made you feel as if reality had punched you in the stomach, and it sobered you up quickly. the heavy weight of your anxiety was back and it settled on your chest. the bubble of happiness you felt at the slightest touch, at the first sight of him after being apart from him for so long… all gone in an instant.
remember you’re the burden, you did this for him, you chided yourself sadly in your head. you were the reason why you both were estranged.
you gently moved your hand away to rest it in your lap. mark cut his eyes to you suddenly but you missed the glance and you missed the way he was still looking at you as he said, “but i’m just happy to be here with you… with all of you again.”
he tore his eyes away from your face to look at yeji and she smiled knowingly, eyes darting from mark to you. the room felt small to you then, almost suffocating. the sudden appearance of someone to the table brought you to the present.
“dessert will be coming out soon,” the waitress said to ryujin.
your appetite was gone entirely, and you had to get out of there. you leaned over and whispered in ryujin’s ear that you loved her but you were heading up to the room. you felt the tears were coming, because reality was the bitch this time instead of fate.
the kindness mark was showing you during all of this was making your heart ache and it was bringing up the pain that you desperately fought off for five months. excusing yourself from the table, you told everyone goodnight and made a beeline for the elevator that would take you up to the room.
stepping inside and punching the floor number, you hit the close door button frantically and bit your lip to try and keep the tears from coming as long as possible. the doors were almost closed when a hand suddenly blocked it and it opened again, revealing mark and he stepped inside, awkwardly coughing at the dramatics of it all.
you stepped to the side of the elevator and didn’t look up from your fingernails that you played with to avoid eye contact at all costs. the awkward tension filled the elevator thickly and you could feel mark’s stare boring holes into the side of your head. when the elevator finally dinged with the arrival of your floor, you’d never felt more grateful for the annoying sound.
all but running from the elevator, you headed to the room only to realize that, fuck, yes you were actually staying in mark’s room and no, he wasn’t riding the elevator for fun. his steps sounded behind yours and you pointedly didn’t say a word to him as you both entered the room. his presence didn’t deter your tears that had been threatening to spill, in fact it only made them more prevalent and it was taking all that you could do to not let them fall. the click of the door being shut made you flinch a little in anticipation of what came next, and mark cleared his throat.
“so, um…” he began, hesitating while trying to find the right words on how to approach this before continuing. “i think - i think we should talk. you said something’s last night and it… it really has me confused and i just need, no, i deserve an explanation.” when he finished his sentence his words sounded pained.
you did guess that you owed him an explanation.
but you didn’t want to give it to him.
the same way you felt you deserved one as well, but you didn’t want the confirmation.
“i’m sorry, mark.” you said, voice barely above a whisper. and it was the only thing you had to say in that moment, anything over three words and your voice would have cracked. you kept your back to him as you walked over to the bathroom and shut the door, not wanting to see his face during this.
you really were a coward, you thought.
you heard mark approach the other side of the door and stop.
“you’re- you’re sorry?” he asked, and then with a hint of sarcasm, he finally decided to bring up the biggest and obvious elephant in the room. “you’re sorry for what? leaving or are you sorry for what you said last night? are you going to tell me you didn’t mean it now?” and you could only shake your head even though he couldn’t see.
“all of it.” you choked out.
“all- ha, all of it?” his laugh was dry. your silence was answer enough.
“you left me. you left me without an explanation. without a single note and then you changed your number! i thought you had just left the set but i came home to find you gone. what could i have possibly done that would have deserved that? what did i do?”
“it’s…” you started from the other side of the door, tears falling at the desperation in his voice. but mark was on a roll, months of pent up frustration and sadness finally boiling over.
“you were there with me and then you weren’t and you hurt me, y/n. you absolutely broke my heart, you know that? i almost quit the movie entirely.”
“if you had, then it would have been for nothing.” you cried from the other side of the door.
“what are you even talking about?”
you flung open the door suddenly, mark taking in your tear stained face, your eyes red and bloodshot.
“i left you for you, mark.”
“i don’t-.”
“you said i broke your heart, but i broke my own first. i left you for you!”
“i never asked you to do that!”
“you didn’t have to! she did it for you. i left so i wouldn’t hold you back anymore. i was holding you back, i was burdening you, i was keeping you from the successful career you worked so hard to achieve.” you placed your hand on your chest and took a deep breath, “i admit that i was a coward in not waiting, but i couldn’t handle hearing the confirmation of it all from you. so i did it for you, i left so i wouldn’t be selfish.” you spat out the last word like it was poison, the word that had been torturing you these past five months, all while pointing your finger at mark as if to drive home your point.
“she-? you… selfish? what the hell are you even talking about?” he asked, eyebrows fully drawn together in confusion. you scoffed.
“don’t act as if you hadn’t talked to her about me. about how you couldn’t tell me any of this because i was fragile.” your mouth twisted with that sentence, and your emotions didn’t know whether to be angry or sad. so you continued to cry because, yeah, that would cover all the bases.
marks mouth clicked shut as things started to come together in his mind. pieces falling into place and then he was suddenly livid.
mark was silent for a moment, his lips pursed and his eyes thunderous - you could only assume that fury was directed at you considering his eyes never left yours, and you swallowed nervously.
“y/n…” mark started slowly, his voice dropping dangerously low in his anger, “who exactly do you mean when you say the word ‘she’?”
you hesitated a little, never knowing mark to get this angry.
“your… manager.” you murmured and mark’s jaw clenched, and you felt your anger dissipate entirely as his took over. as the seconds ticked on, you watched as mark reached into his back pocket and withdrew his phone, he only broke eye contact for a second to click the name he was searching for and he brought his eyes back to yours. your eyebrows drew together in confusion.
who would he be calling during the middle of the argument - and finally you heard it when the other person answered the phone and you could recognize that sickly sweet voice anywhere. your jaw dropped and you made to stomp away when mark used his other hand to gently hold onto your arm, pulling you a bit closer than you were before to stand in front of him.
“mark, honey, i’ve been waiting for you to call! how’s korea? you just have to tell me all about it.” she asked loudly through the phone and you frowned at the way she spoke to mark.
“korea’s fine,” he chirped politely as if his eyes weren’t telling you otherwise. “my family is well, the wedding is going as planned, and linda, you’ll never guess who i ran into!”
“oh do tell, you know i love the gossip.” she laughed through the phone and you saw mark’s eyes darken.
“y/n.” the anger in which he said your name, but it not being directed at you, was both a relief and worried you at the same time.
the deafening silence from her end was answer enough for mark.
“and she told me the funniest story,” snark dripping from every word, “hilarious actually. but i think i’d rather hear it from the horses mouth, you know?”
“look, mark, sweetie, i’m sure she misunderstood or she must have been confused by our conversation that day, i only meant to tell her-“
“what?” mark interjected. “tell her that she was burdening me? holding me back? that i called her fragile? i think that’s exactly what you meant.”
she hesitated before answering, but her answering tone was the same as she used with you that day.
sweet condescension.
“well, yes. she was bad for you,” she said shortly.
“oh no, i disagree entirely. i think the one bad for me, was in fact, you.” and she sputtered on the other end of the phone and you couldn’t help the small upturn of your lips to hear her at a loss for words, the smile not going unnoticed by mark if the softening of his eyes were any indicator.
you realized in that moment how you let your anxiety and self doubts ruin something that was perfectly fine to begin with.
linda scoffed, the haughty sound coming in loud through the phone’s speaker.
“oh, please. you’ll thank me someday when you’re big and famous, dating some supermodel. someone at your level of fame.”
mark was silent, his eyes taking in your face and he knew how hard hearing things like this must have been for you. he knew of your insecurities, and he thought he did his best to reassure you but he realized the one time it mattered most, he let it slip through the cracks.
he realized his lack of presence in that moment ruined what you both had.
linda took his extended pause as agreement with what she was saying.
“see? you know that i’m right. anyway, mark, honey, let’s-!” mark cut her off mid-sentence.
“no, what i know… is that you’re fired.” he said calmly, and your eyebrows raised and your eyes widened and you opened your mouth to argue - yes, you hated the woman but she had helped him with his career. mark lifted the hand that had been gently holding your arm to place a finger on your lips, effectively shutting you up with a smile on his face.
linda screeched through the phone, an abrasive noise that sounded awfully like a dying cat.
“you can’t fire me, you ungrateful d-.” and mark hung up the phone, tossing it onto the counter of the kitchenette behind him.
you swallowed thickly now at the sudden silence that fell over the room. mark moved his hand from your lips to wipe the tears that had ran down your face earlier and you avoided eye contact with him then at the gentleness of his hands.
“mark, i…”
“you said you loved me, so you left. did you stay away because you loved me too? change your number for the same reason?”
you nodded, “i thought i would be making it easier for you…”
“do you still love me now?” your eyes snapped back up to his. you decided to be truthful.
“i can’t do anything but love you.” mark’s smile at your answer ignited butterflies in your stomach.
“and i…” he said stepping closer into your space, reaching down to hold your hand in his as he brought it to his chest, his heartbeat a steady rhythm that you could feel. “i have no choice but to love you.”
you felt tears well up again in your eyes at his admission, and you bit your lip to try to keep them from spilling over.
“you still… are you still in love with me?” your voice quivered, and you cleared your throat trying to tame the burning sensation that came with holding back your tears.
“without a doubt.”
“well, if you really do love me… if you love me like i love you then…” you looked between his eyes to his lips, and as you blinked the tears you had been holding back fell. and mark tilted his head, his playful smile making you smile with him through the tears.
“then kiss me.”
mark didn’t waste any more time, one hand tangling itself in your hair and the other cupping your jaw tenderly and you melted into the kiss, wrapping your arm around his neck and pulling his body flush against yours. five months of anger and sadness and longing pouring out in the movement of your lips. you were crying still but the tears were more out of happiness this time and mark continued to kiss you through it. he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours, lips centimeters from yours, his breath hitting your lips and you closed your eyes, both of you breathing heavily. his voice was soft when he spoke.
“five months spent wasted because i didn’t reassure you enough, i’m… i’m so sorry, y/n.”
“and five months gone because i was too afraid to talk to you… i’m sorry, too.” and you opened your eyes to see he had tears in his eyes this time and you let out a small laugh.
“did you miss me that much?” you joked softly, eyes shining with the happiness that you had pushed down finally seeping through.
“shut up,” he groaned and swept in to kiss you again.
that night, neither of you slept alone in your separate beds.
.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.
the next day found you and mark, surprisingly (to everyone else) friendly, almost flirty, with each other and it didn’t go unnoticed by everyone else in the wedding party. ryujin walked down the aisle to an overjoyed donghyuck and the proceedings went on without a hitch.
the reception was loud, and a bit wild as after the first dance, no other slow song was played. ryujin and donghyuck made it feel like you were clubbing, and if you danced with mark a tiny bit provocatively, no one seemed to notice or care.
during one of your breaks from dancing while you stood near one of the tables, you felt a hand tap on your shoulder and you turned to face them. once you saw their face, your jaw dropped.
“it’s you!” you couldn’t help the gratitude that laced your voice.
the old lady from the airport stood there, the wrinkles from years of smiling showing proudly on her face.
“see, i told you everything would be okay, didn’t i?”
you nodded, smiling and you couldn’t help yourself when you leaned in and gave the woman a hug.
“grandma? you know y/n?” it was mark’s confused voice that came from over your shoulder, coming behind you to rest his hand on the small of your back.
“oh, not really…” she gave you a secret smile, and continued, “but mark, dear. do tell ryujin and donghyuck it was a beautiful wedding for me, i’m sorry but i’m too old to stay up with the younger crowd nowadays.” she patted mark on the arm and said goodnight to you both, leaving you with a wink. mark looked back and forth between you and her and you only shrugged in answer, and you pulled him back out to the dance floor with a smile.
eventually, the night had to come to an end though, but not before the traditional throwing of the bouquet. you were pulled onto the floor with the other bridesmaids and the second ryujin tossed the flowers over her head, the other girls dispersed leaving you to be the only one standing to catch it. you were confused at first but when ryujin gave you a knowing smile, you couldn’t help but laugh at their group effort. and so you turned around to find mark smiling at you and clapping at the edge of the crowd, and you smiled brightly at him as if he hung the stars himself, newfound confidence in every step as you walked up to him.
you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him fully in front of the guests who remained, mostly the small group of friends who all knew each other well. mark wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you slightly off the ground, while your friends cheered dramatically behind you.
breaking the kiss you smiled at mark before he set you down, and both you and mark turned and caught sight of ryujin and donghyuck sharing a highly triumphant high five.
it all clicked then, every step had been planned by your cunning best friend… and you couldn’t even be mad anymore.
how could you be, when it all turned out to be okay?
.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.
epilogue:
you sat at the table of celebrities like you belonged there, no longer feeling as if you were the misfit amongst them.
a year and a half had passed since ryujin and donghyuck’s wedding and with it came changes.
all of them, you could say, were good.
you battled your anxiety and won… well mostly won, you still had your moments but the second you called mark for reassurance, he was there in an instant with gentle words of affirmation, which you discovered was your love language.
you and mark got married six months after donghyuck and ryujin did, and mark’s reasoning was sound in his opinion.
“i spent five months apart from you, and i think i’ll die if i have to do it again. so i’m locking you down, babe.”
you couldn’t argue with him on that.
and now this moment, the moment where upon hearing mark’s name being called you stood up and cheered, clapping a little louder than the famous people next to you. mark kissed you quickly before running up on stage to receive his award.
it wasn’t an oscar… yet.
but the golden globe would do.
his speech went as he rehearsed with you in your bedroom in the off chance he won. being nominated was enough for him, he had said but you encouraged him to have a speech prepared, just in case.
you had no doubts he would win tonight.
you were right.
his speech was coming to an end, something you could quote with him word for word, until you heard him derail from what he practiced beforehand.
“and i just wanna say the biggest thanks of all to my wife. who, without her, only half of my dream would have been achieved,” he gestured the award to you and the smile he wore was lighting up his entire face. “without you, this wouldn’t matter at all to me. so this one’s all for you, babe. thank you.”
you stood and clapped again, accepting mark back to his seat with an excited hug.
fate - well, ryujin - may have had it out for you, but it was okay in the end.
and you could honestly live with that.
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luvelylili · 2 years
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LOA MOTIVATION COMPLIATION
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for this post i literally just compiled a bunch of motivating things i’ve seen being said over time by multiple wonderful blogs throughout tumblr with regards to the law of assumption.
the intent of this is to basically serve as a pick-me-up for whoever needs a little encouragement with their manifesting, regardless of where you’re at with your journey. the post ahead is filled with the kindest words from some of the kindest souls on this app, all in one place to help anyone in need, anytime.
whatever your motivation for seeking this post, i just want you to know that if you’re spiralling, having doubts, reacting to the 3d - even if the 3d is crumbling to pieces around you and all you want to do is crawl into a hole and never come out again (believe me, i’ve been there!), i want you to know that this is temporary, and that everything you see around you is completely malleable.
breathe. it’ll be alright, you’ll be alright. and now, with this in mind, enjoy. <3
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“★ The things you hear and see in your 3D that contradict your manifestation don’t exist in your 4D. Therefore they aren’t real or relevant because 3D will only materialise whats in your 4D and will get rid of the things that contradict your assumptions. WITH PERSISTENCE.” - @sutheworld
“from this second I will only beleive what I say to myself as true , I don't give a f*ck about anyone saying anything about me and I will only beleive my story and my delusion.
If I get any opposite, intrusive thoughts I will supress them with a single shush and if I say don't come after me I'm not the same old person the thoughts won't come.” - @rayjane
“be kind to yourselves. you’re allowed to have off days, you’re allowed to be demotivated and you’re allowed to feel negative emotions. you’re human after all and it would be unhealthy if you didn’t have your down moments. however, you’re not allowed to give up on yourself. you’re not allowed to quit and throw away your power. none of that. you’re getting your shit. that’s a given. if you affirm, persist and don’t take no for an answer, you will get what you want. don’t overcomplicate the law - as long as you don’t go against your affirmations by doubting yourself and entertaining intrusive thoughts, you’re doing everything right! trust yourself, and do it for you!! that’s the most important part - you’re the operant power, this is your reality and you will get what you want. all it takes is some discipline and persistence! i believe in you, and i’m so proud of you for being here reading this right now!” - @luvelylili
“in reality, your desires are already yours from the beginning. you just need to persist in this fact and the 3d will follow bc it is the law.” - @itssjustjade
“you will NEVER understand the law when you live vicariously through the success and words of others. don’t you think you’ve learned enough? aren’t you ready to feel peace, freedom and GET WHAT YOU WANT??? like hello???
what do you want to work for you? WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO? got it? now do that. and don't ever be a slave to your senses. always think in your favour because there is no separation between you and your desires, regardless of what anyone or any circumstance has to say. 
you have it. its done. relax. you cannot mess this up unless you say you can.” - @starsscriptures
“this whole world is your oyster. EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING OUTSIDE OF YOU IS POWERLESS, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS AND DESIRES ARE WHAT MATTERS. LIFE HAPPENS FROM YOU AND THERE IS NO OPPOSING POWER IN THE UNIVERSE. YOU ARE LITERALLY AN UNSTOPPABLE GOD. THE WORLD BELONGS TO YOU BABY 😽💗” - @iivenusii
“You are God, you control everything in your reality. You create and you created everything in your reality. Nothing or nobody can do anything to change, ruin or take away your power/manifestations. Its all yours. It's all from you. There's not a single thing in this world that isn't created by you. If you can create them, you can change them.” - @koreanbarbie
“literally you can have whatever you want, whatever you freaking what. just assume, thats your only job isnt that so easy?? like..all you have to do is THINK & ASSUME, its yours and it shall be yours because thats how the law works theres no ifs or buts. whatever you assume naturally and persist into that assumption..will come into fruition, so you making this whole law of assumption journey difficult for you please remember that its EASY. you’re making it harder for yourself.” - @cinefairy
“Start acknowledging your power. You’re the only person who has the power to change your life. The 3D isn’t what’s defining you, it’s just a reflection of your 4D. You’re so powerful, you can change your reality in seconds. You’re the only Creator, everything must conform to your thoughts. You manifest absolutely everything!!!You don’t need a plan B, you will have everything you want my love.” - @angelicbarbiedoll
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moonrisecoeur · 5 months
Text
something a little softer for a nice change of pace from yesterday’s post!
literally no warnings besides a wee bit of possessiveness (reader of leon), technically not really sub leon but like if i had written any more it would have been, no pronouns mentioned, no parts mentions.
“baby,” leon’s voice is gravely, soft yet raspy, gentle in how his hands hold you close to him. he feels like comfort, his body molding to fit against yours, supports and gives in all the right places. like he was made to soothe you with his touch, his voice, his presence. everything about him brought you peace.
straddling his lap, you relax into him. you find contentment in the way he kisses the top of your head, pressing his cheek against the crown. he reaches his hand up to run his fingers through his hair, his hand resting against your scalp. it feels like he’s worried you’ll fall without him. maybe you would.
“leon,” you whisper to him, and you delight in his reaction, in his reactions to everything you do. his heart picks up speed at the sound of your voice, his breath nearly catches in his throat. he’s everything.
“yeah?” his arm hooks around you, keeping you close to him like he thinks you’ll go if he doesn’t. it’s foolish. you’re not trapped. if anything, your arms wrapped around his shoulders have him trapped. he doesn’t mind.
instead of responding, you place a kiss to the sweet skin of his neck, right where one of his moles is. your lips are soft. they almost tickle him as they make their way up his jugular. he hums, enjoying your affection.
he leans his head back so you have more space to kiss, but he’s putty in your hands when your finger presses down on his chin so you’re in reach to kiss his pretty lips. you kiss him sweetly, one hand on his chest and the other playing with his hair. it’s gotten darker in the past few years. you miss when he was more of a true blonde.
you pull away, and his lips still chase after yours, a small habit he’s refused to break for years now. he can’t imagine ever breaking it now, and you hope he never does. he could and wants to kiss you all day. he’ll always try to lean back in if you pull away.
but you keep him tamed for just a moment, looking into his eyes. another thing about him that’s so comforting. his gaze. he looks at you with a reverence people usually reserve for their respective god. maybe that’s what you are.
“what’s going on in your head?” he asks, a corner of his lips slightly upturned, “off in your own little world again?”
you sigh dreamily, moving your hand up from his chest to touch your fingertips to the soft skin of his face. your thumb brushes against his bottom lip, and his eyes track your movements. you say to him, “thinking about you.”
he chuckles. of course you’d say something like that, make his heart skip a beat even when he has no reason to be shy, “what about me?” he tilts his head like a puppy when he asks. it takes a lot of self control not to coo. he’s too damn cute.
“hmm, thinking about… lots of things. there’s lots i want to do with you…” you smile to him, that pretty smile that lights up his dull life, “want to kiss you a lot, for starters.”
“that can be arranged,” his voice is lower than you expect, a raspiness that seeps into your body and leaves you aching for more and more of leon, “what else do you think about? what do you need from me?”
“well, i do need all of you, but—” you start, giggling as he rolls his eyes playfully, “but! what i’m mostly thinking about is that you’re mine.”
his lopsided smirk becomes more of an endeared smile when he realizes what you mean, “yeah? do you like the sound of that? that i’m yours?”
your reaction is enough for leon to figure out that he’s right. you do like hearing that.
so of course, he leans in, whispering to you, “you know i’m yours, baby, but i’ll keep telling you if you want to hear it. everything i got is yours. take it all, ruin it, never give it back. it’s all yours.”
you groan in satisfaction. leon feels accomplished.
you say to him, “you’re mine… i just really like saying it, and hearing it. mine. god, it just feels so perfect. i can’t believe i get to have you.”
357 notes · View notes
rogerswifesblog · 1 year
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Pretty boy
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𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Best friends always tease each other. You always liked teasing Steve…but what if some words affect Steve more, than he lets you see it? After a failed mission, Steve needs more than just your teasing...
𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: sub!Steve Rogers x (female)dom!Reader
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, subspace [m] , needy!Steve, oral [messy blowjob], hint of mommy kink, crying, pet names like; pretty boy, good boy, Stevie, Madame, mistress
Because of the subspace it could be seen as dub-con but not really. I’ll just want to say it in case someone’s sees it that way.
If you feel uncomfortable with any of these above, this onshot may not be for you!
Have in mind English is not my first language! There could be some mistakes-let me know.
Don’t forget to like, reblog and comment <3
18+
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Steve was your best friend. You talked about everything, always supported each other and were there for each other, even in the darkest of times. There were no secrets between you two.
Well, one.
You liked him. More than friends should like each other.
How could You not? He was really charming, kind, and there was no denying that he looked damn good. When You saw him swimming at the lake for the first time, You had Lost your ability to speak for a short moment. He was perfect. His sweet and innocent smiles, always made your heart jump.
Unbelievable this man wasn’t in a relationship. He was literally the perfect husband material. If you could, you would put a ring on his finger.
The truth was, he wasn’t comfortable with his submissive behaviour in bed. Most people looked at him and thought he would be a perfect dominant person-yet it was not like that. He liked it sometimes to just give up all the control. That’s why he didn’t want to date-or even one night stands weren’t on the table.
“-it’s incredible, isn’t it?” said Steve. Shit. “Mhmm, yes, yes?” You sounded rather questioning, which made Steve roll his eyes. “You aren’t listening, …again.“ It made you feel bad. “I’m sorry, Steve”, you apologised with a smile on your lips. He sighed, but smiled again and looked at me for a moment. You knew he couldn’t be mad at you for too long.
“Ah, come on, you’re my best friend and you could never be angry with me”, You began as You slowly climbed onto his lap. “You’re always kind to me. You’re such a Golden boy...a really good guy….a good boy”, You said teasingly not even really meaning it, but something in Steve’s eyes changed. His breathing stopped for a moment and he avoided your gaze. He blushed slightly. You could’ve swear you felt something in him twitch.
Immediately a smile spread across your face. Of course, You thought it annoyed him or made him a bit flustered. Steve really tried no to show how much these words turned him on. He wanted to be your good boy…he wanted it so bad. Not many people knew he had a weakness for being dominated by his partner. Being called a good boy made his dick twitch. A bit of precum leaked out of his tip. How could such a simple touch and a few words turn him on this much? He could already feel his mind slipping. 
“Mhmm, I think That’s what I’m going to call you from now on”, You said cheekily. Your hand roamed over his chest. Steve’s muscles tensed slightly under your touch. It wasn’t new for you to touch each other. Sometimes the others teased the two of you, that you both act like a couple. Just without the sex and kissing part.
If only you knew how much it affected him…
•••
Just like promised you started calling Steve a good boy, ever moment you hand the chance to do so – which often led him to flee from you. It’s like he was avoiding you.
Slowly You started to think about whether You should stop calling him that. After all, it shouldn’t ruin your friendship. Maybe it really made him uncomfortable and you haven’t thought about it at first?
You quickly pushed your thoughts aside when the jet landed and Steve, -as well as other team members-, got out of it. You yourself couldn’t take part in the mission today, and Steve’s facial expression immediately told you that something had gone wrong. He was covered with dirt and blood. You couldn’t tell if it was his own or someone else.
“Steve-hey-Steve”, You started calling right away, while you grabbed Steve’s arm. This brought him out of his trance and he looked at you with big eyes. Yet he stayed quiet. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.“ He said nothing, but nodded. So You led him to his room.
When You arrived in his room, You put down his shield and helped him out of his shoes. “Let’s go to the bathroom, yeah? You’ll take a shower and afterward we’ll talk…or watch a movie…whatever you’d like, okay?” Once again Steve nodded, but didn’t say anything. It worried you.
In the bathroom you let hot water fill the tub. In the meantime you put a towel on the bathtub edge. After you checked the temperatures the water, you wanted to leave the bathroom. “Stay...please”, You heard Steve speak softly as You walked to the door. Your lips twitched slightly. It kind of made you feel important, that he wanted you to help and stay with him. “Okay, Stevie...I’ll stay with you”, with those words, you turned back to him.
Only now did you realised in what state Steve seemed to be. Sometimes you two needed some…time-out, after coming back from a awful mission. Just some tenderness and comfort. That’s definitely something, Steve needed right now.
It broke your heart to watch him like that.
“Stevie, come here...Let me do this, okay?” You grabbed his hands gently in yours. But before You would help him undress, You needed for him to say something–something that made sure, he was okay with it. A quiet ’kay' came past his lips, while he noded. So you helped him take off his pants.
Actually it wasn’t the first time You helped him undress. It’s happened before. Besides, he had seen you in this state at least three times. He really didn’t have to be embarrassed or feel in any kind of way bad about it.
In a few minutes he had everything except the boxer shorts taken off. These, he took off after he was in the tub. You could see him relaxing a little. Not much, but at least something. While he enjoyed the warm water, You were able to check him out for injuries – You already saw his arms and stomach, but his back was still left. Fortunately, he had nothing but bruises. Calmed down, you were able to take a washcloth and wash him off with it, the dirt and blood, which apparently was not his.
You sat on the edge of the bathtub, which immediately made Steve put his arms around your legs and his head in your lap. This gesture made your heart jump. “Oh Stevie...you didn’t do anything wrong. You were great, okay? You’re always great...Sometimes bad stuff happens...“., you began to talk quietly as You wiped his neck with the warm cloth. You also carefully washed his hair as best You could, without getting any water or shampoo in his eyes. “I know you were great...” You leaned down to him lightly and whispered in his ear. “My Good Boy...my Stevie”
A whimper escaped him. You then gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead. When he slowly looked up at you, You had to bite your bottom lip. Steve looked so sweet. His big, blue eyes looked up at you. He looked adorable. The hair partly wet and completely ruffled. His pupils were dilated. Blown wide. There was more black than blue at this point. There was foam and bubbles everywhere. Automatically my lips twitched upwards. “Let’s get you clean, shall we? Then we can turn on a movie...and enjoy some quiet time, yeah?”, you said softly, stroking his head. Steve nodded and put his head back in your lap.
Twenty minutes later, Steve was already asleep. You’d like to let him sleep, but the water was getting cold and the position You were sitting in was becoming uncomfortable. “Stevie...hey, Stevie, wake up”, gently you shook his shoulder, causing him to wake up.
When he lifted his head, he looked at me sleepy. “Come on, you should lie down. Get some rest.“ You got up, what caused steve to do the same. You turned red and looked away. He was naked. We’ve never seen each other naked. You didn’t know how to react. Especially since he had a semi.
“Here-uh-towel-and then put some clothes on”, You muttered and threw a towel at him, then left the bathroom and pulled out of his closet a sweatpants and a shirt. You quickly put the things in the bathroom on the sink and went back to Steves room where You sat down on the sofa.
When Steve came in, You couldn’t help but look at him. He held the shirt in his hand, while the jogging pants hung low at his hip and made his V-line stood out. His muscles were incredible. You couldn’t stop you mind from imagining him over you. Between your legs. Apparently he noticed my look, as he smiled slightly. Maybe even a bit smugly.
Nevertheless, he turned to the closet and got another shirt. “It’s a little bigger”, he muttered and put it on. Even though it was ’bigger', it stretched on his shoulders and pecs. Sometimes You wondered if it was easy for him to buy clothes. His shoulders were wide, but his waist was narrow.
Steve pushed at your shoulder to show you, he wanted you to lie down on the couch, then he laid down on top of you and put his head down on your chest. One of his arms slipped under your back, the other one under your neck. Everything inside you felt incredibly hot right now. Your stomach seemed about to explode. “Hey baby...you should go to bed and not on the uncomfortable couch.” You whispered into his hair. To be honest, You didn’t want to let him go. You’d love to stop time and stay like this forever.
“Stevie Honey”, it was the first time You gave him so many pet names at once. Normally You wouldn’t do it, but it just felt good at that moment. “Baby…”, you tried to get his attention again – and You did. But not the way you wanted to. Suddenly, You felt a hardness against your leg, close to your own crotch. It made your walls tighten around nothing.
Your breathing became slightly uneven. “S-Stevie”, you gasped when you felt Steves hard dick press against your thigh. Slowly he raised his head and looked at you with this big eyes. “Steve, you should-“ Before you could say something more, Steve pressed his lips to yours. Just for a moment. The he looked at you questioning. “Y/N…please”, he whispered. It made you heart jump-and your pussy throb.
“Stevie”, you said one more time, he put his lips once again on your. His lips were gentle and soft. It felt nice. “Please...I need you”, he whispered almost desperately. It sounded like a whimper. You nodded slightly. “Do you want me to take care of you? Do you want me to make you feel good?” Nodding, he answered your question. Alone the idea of you taking care of him made his dick twitch. There was a wet spot on his sweatpants where his top was.
Without a second thought, You kissed him again. Steve immediately kissed you back. He pressed his hips against yours, his hardness pressed directly against your clothed heat. He could feel you pulsing agains him, which made him rub himself against your crotch. You both gasped.
The kisses became more passionate and more demanding with every minute. Everything was there, the wandering hands, tongues and teeth. You started kissing Steve’s neck, which made him moan loudly.
His hand moved slowly to your heat, where he stroked your sensitive spot through the fabric. “Stevie, you’re so good”, You breathed hardly audibly to his lips. “My Pretty boy." At fist you didn’t even thought anything, while you said it, but Steve’s quiet whimper made you clench around nothing, while he rubbed his clothed dick against your leg harder. Then it occurred to you; it turned him on when you called him that. “So good for me, Babyboy.”
With these words, you turned with him around. You gently pushed him into the sofa, kissing his neck again. His heartbeat speed up. One of his hand cupped your crotch, but you didn’t let him. Instead you grabbed his hand and placed it beside him. “This is about you, baby, not me, okay? Later, as a reward, you might touch me…maybe”...You breathed against his stomach as You pushed his shirt upwards. “Take it off” before You could even finish speaking, his shirt was already on the floor. Someone’s eager.
You looked at him with a slight grin. Never would you be expected Captain America to submit to someone in the bed like that. It made something in you snap. You wanted to see him desperate. Wanted him to beg. He looked at you and then down to his hardness, which was clearly visible through the jogging pants. “Oh, does my baby boy want me to take care of it?” he nodded quickly. “Please...please, Mistress.“ He mumbled while lifting his hips slightly.
You let your hands slide over his beautiful body. Over his pecks and rosy nipples. A low moan escaped Steve’s throat. He could feel how wet his pants were from all the pre-cum. Not being touched where he desperately needed it, made him whine. “Please, Mo-Mistress. Please touch me”, he whimpered. It made you smile cockily. “But I am touching you babyboy.” Once again Steve whined. You could see his dick twitch a couple of times.
“Please touch my cock.” How could you deny him that?
Gently but passionately, You kissed his abdominal muscles until You reached his abdomen. “You’re so beautiful Stevie...you look fantastic And everything just for me...”, you let your hands slide along his stomach until You slowly came closer to the waistband. Gently you pulled the waistband from his skin and let it bounce back against his abdomen. A whimper escaped him. “Everything for you....All for you, Ma’am.“ Steve’s voice sounded so desperate. You liked having so much control over him.
He slowly took off his sweatpants, but before You could free his dick, Steve grabbed your hands. “Please, take off your shirt...please...I want to see you, Mistress”, the super soldier whimpered beneath you. “How could I say no to my Prettyboy? Especially when he’s so polite” At his request, You took off your T-shirt. Immediately his eyes were on your bra clothed breasts. His hand went your waist to your breasts, which he gently caressed through the bh. Then his hand slipped further towards your back. “May I, Mistress?” he asked sweetly as he played with the clasp. “Of course, baby”, You breathed gently and let the bra slide slowly from your shoulders. It landed on the floor next to your other clothes.
“You are so beautiful, Mistress”, Steve’s words made your heart jump. You leaned over him and gave him a gentle kiss, before moving down again. You couldn’t wait to finally have his dick in your mouth. This time You were able fo took off his pants. His hardness jumped right to his abdomen, where it already started leaking precum again– and to be honest, You didn’t expect him to be THAT big. He was…
Was it the serum? Or was it just Steve? It didn’t matter. You wanted to feel him. Preferably as soon as possible.
You grabbed his dick in one hand-which made him moan pleasurably. Finally you were touching him. When you licked along his length, he grabbed your hair with one hand, but didn’t do anything else. You liked along his dick a few times, after which You gently took his tip into your mouth, licking the pre-cum from his slit and started suckling slightly. He tasted a bit salty, in a good way. You had to let your tongue lick his slit again.
Immediately Steve gasped. You repeated this several times until You let his dick slide out of your mouth. As your lips separated from his red tip, a saliva thread connected your lips with him. He was covered in your spit and pre-cum. You couldn’t help but take it back in your mouth-this time planning on keeping him there for a bit longer. If you could, you’d leave his dick in your mouth forever. Even though he was huge, you like the weight of him on your tongue. Actually you never enjoyed giving someone head like you did right now.
This time, You relaxed your throat and slowly let his length slide deeper, causing Steve to moan loudly. “Mistress-oh-P-please”, he cried out, while You let his entire length and width slid down your throat. Instinctively you swallowed around him, which made him whimper again. You repeated this then again, while bobbing your head up and down. This caused him to raise his hip and thrust into your throat. You gaged, but he thrusted right past through your gag reflex. This made your pussy get so wet, you could actually feel your juices float out.
Your nose tip hit his abdomen. With one hand, you grabbed a little harder into the flesh of his thigh, as a sign that he wasn’t allowed to move his hips. He lowered his hips again and muttered a soft “Sorry Mistress, didn’t mean to”
Satisfied with this, You lowered your head, till you had him fully in your throat . Then you let him slide out, till just the tip was between your lips. Again and again You took him as deep as you could, until his hardness began to twitch in your mouth. This made you suck him fiercer, while you grabbed his ball in your hand.
As soon as he felt you touch his balls he felt his muscles tighten. “I-I’m coming. Mo-”, he couldn’t finish the sentence before his orgasm overtook him. He shoot his load in your throat and mouth. You could feel his warm liquid coat your mouth. Steve gabbed your hair harder, while he cried out in pleasure. You moved your head until the twitching stopped. Slowly You raised your head and watched as your spit mixed with his seed on his shaft and tip. Your saliva and his cum dripped down your chin. It made Steve want to kiss you. To lick your lips and chin clean.
Surprised you looked at his still hard dick.
Thank God that serum had such an effect. You felt Steve’s hands on your neck. He pulled you up and kissed you passionately. Just like he wanted to, he liked his seed from your chin. His tongue explored your mouth, like he was trying to taste himself on your tongue-and he did.
His hand slipped to your pants, which he tried to take off impatiently. A chuckle escaped you. “Babyboy, first you have to open them”, you whispered against his lips. Only then did he look down to your jeans. His cheeks turned slightly red when he realized his mistake. He quickly opened them and let them slide off your hip. You helped him do it. Just like the other clothes they landet on the floor.
A gasp escaped both of you when he touched your damp panties. You haven’t noticed how wet you’ve really become. “Mistress, may I?” he asked, pulling lightly at the thin cloth. You knew what he was up to and had to admit that for the first time You didn’t even really care about your favorite panties. “Yes, babyboy”, you whispered.
When he tore the fabric from your body, You gasped because of the cool air that hit your pussy. “Please Mistress-please-I-I want you”, he sobbed. Only then did You notice the tears that were tormenting from his eyes. He tried to be as close to you as possible, pressed his arms tightly around you or kissed your shoulders. “Baby”, You whispered into his hair, after which You kissed him on the forehead. “You’re so good to me.“., You whispered. This made him look at you from his beautiful, hungry yet vulnerable eyes. He seemed so needy. You could see how much he wanted it.
“I got you, baby”, You whispered, kissing his face gently. Slowly, You slipped right over his hip, where his hardness pressed against you entrance. “Mmm Stevie”..., You grumbled happily against his lips.
As You slowly let his tip slid between your folgst, he sobbed quietly. “Please, Mistress”, he whispered desperately. You kissed him softly for a moment, but you both had to groan in the kiss when His tip pushed into you and you started to sink down on his dick. The width felt so good. He filled you completely. Without needing to try his dick hit your g-spot. You couldn’t stop a moan slip past your lips.
His hand was on you hip and gently squeezed your meat. The other one also grabbed your thigh, but quickly slipped to your middle to rub your clit. “Baby-you are so good to me”, You gasped against his ear, burying your hand in his hair. The other scratched over his shoulder and chest. You started to move your hips.
“Mistress-faster, please”, he moaned against your skin. He sucked at your skin and nipples, which made you moan even more.
Your hips started to move faster. You started bouncing on his lap, while he moved his hips slightly towards you. The sounds your body’s were making were obscure. The wet noise of your juices was just dirty. It made your movements even quicker.
“I-I’m close, Mistress-may I c-cum?” he sobbed at your chest. You felt your climax being close too, which is why You didn’t want to hold him back. “Come for me, babyboy.“ Immediately after you said this, You could feel him twitching and pulsating in your and filling you with his big load. His hand on your clit got faster, even though also a little shakier.
When You tried to lift yourself from him, he held you back tightly by the hip. “No-you have to come too...I want you to come-please, Mistress-use me as your toy-I want you”, he babbled and wouldn’t let go of you. He seemed exhausted and overstimulated. It’s like he’s completely foggy. “baby boy…only because you asked so nicely but if it’ll be too much tell me, baby.“ You moved again. Steve was still rubbing your clit. Then he also started to suck on your nipples. Without further warning, You felt your orgasm crash over you. Loudly you cried out in pleasure. Pulsating, Your walls started squeezing and milking his overstimulated dick. You could’ve sweared you felt him shoot another big load in you-especially judging by the whining and the tears that escaped him. He was definitely overstimulated. The serum made him probably even more sensitive.
Slowly you laid down on Steve’s chest. You could feel your juices and his cum gush out of you. It made you grimace a bit. Even though you really didn’t want to get up, you had to clean up. With this in mind you started to get up.
Tired, he opened his big blue puppy eyes. Tears still sparkled in these. His lower lip also trembled slightly. “Don’t go, Mistress...didn’t you like it? Was I not good?” he whispered and his eyes filled with new tears again. Oh, my God, he was really in a headspace.
“No baby-it was perfect. You were perfect. I’ve never felt so good. You were perfect...“, you kneeled besides the couch and caressed his cheek. „But now we have to go back, okay? Come back to me. I am no longer Mistress”, You began, still stroking his cheek gently. Slowly he nodded. “Come back quickly, Mistress.“ „No more Mistress, okay, Steve?” You said, and after You gave him a quick kiss, You disappeared into the bathroom.
First You cleaned up the cum between your legs, after that you put on a shirt from Steve and put two towels in warm water. You looked in the mirror for a moment. A small grin formed on your lips as You looked at yourself like this. You looked…well, completely fucked. Nevertheless, You slightly shook your head and went back to the room. There was no time to admire your…look.
Steve was still lying on the sofa, his eyes closed. It looked like he was sleeping. So you quietly approached him and started to clean him up. You knew he was a heavy sleeper, so You weren’t even surprised he didn’t wake up. In the few minutes You also managed to put on a cream on the scratches you’ve left behind, even if they would probably not be visible tomorrow-or even in just a few hours. “Steve? Steve-wake up”, surprisingly, he immediately opened his eyes and looked at you.
His cheeks turned red and he ran his hand over his face. “Oh my... I’m... I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to see me like this and all that-” “Are you crazy, Steve? Don’t be stupid, I…I really enjoyed it”, you interrupted him with a small grin and gave a fleeting kiss on his swollen lips. “It’s just-this mission today and your constant petnames -I...it rarely happens but...but it just happened”, he continued.
He gently stroked with his fingers over your hand. Without hesitation, You grabbed it and gave him a light squeeze. “You needed it today-that’s totally okay, Steve. Thank you for trusting me”, your words made his cheeks turn slightly rosy, while he pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.
“Let’s go to sleep...I’m pretty tired”, you breathed, slowly pulling him to his feet. He quickly put some boxer shorts and came to bed with you. You laid down, with him behind you, spooning you.
He gently put his arm around you and gave your a kiss on your neck. “Good night, Steve”, you whispered into the dark. “Good night, angel..."
Tomorrow you would talk about it all.
And you would ask him out.
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That’s it! I really hope you enjoyed reading! Please let me know!:)
You can tell me if something is wrong or what i should change<3 I’d be glad actually.
Don’t forget to like and reblog!<3
1K notes · View notes
fuck-customers · 2 months
Note
🧶
This is gonna be long.
I’m reeling from the idea of quitting Red Craft Store because of the upcoming dress code changes. I’ve never quit a job before, and it’s terrifying, even though I have another job that pays me more and will likely snap up my added availability.
I’ve been at this job for over 5 years. Until last fall, it was my favorite of my two jobs. But then corporate starting making changes, all of which made my job as a cashier more difficult: more steps involved to sort BOPIS orders; remove actual phones and replace them with scan guns, half of which don’t have functioning speakers; pushing an absolutely awful credit card (I heard it was rated worst in the country by Consumer Reports and with the 30% apr I’m not surprised); and stupid extended warranty that literally nobody ever wants (we’ve had it for a year and I’ve gotten maybe two people to buy one).
But now they want to strip us of our individuality. My other job has a uniform, so I’ve always had so much love for being able to wear pretty much whatever I wanted at Red Craft Store (henceforth RCS). I don’t even own any shirts with no words OR graphics on them, except for two I just purchased to use for 🦗 projects. And I constantly get compliments on all the buttons on my vest, one of my regulars just told me this week how much she loves them. I’ve made multiple real-life Swiftie friends from wearing my Swiftie shirts and buttons. I refuse to let them turn me into a customer service robot.
My other job, with the uniform? SmartPet (I’m also the 🐶 anon), even they’re more flexible than RCS is about to be, because we get shirts for events and stuff that we can add to our collection of work-approved shirts, and I’ve already gotten manager approval for a lanyard to display some buttons on, I just haven’t found one I like yet.
Hopefully RCS will see a mass quitting and backpedal, and if so I’ll go back, but I’m not getting my hopes up; they seem determined to ruin everything. They used to get awarded “great place to work” just a few years ago and now this.
Sorry for all the rambling, I guess I’m still trying to process all this. But I know in my soul when it’s time to go.
Posted by admin Rodney.
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abeautylives · 26 days
Text
Times I Remember Well
(and Some That I Don’t)
Part 3
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author’s note: Thank you for reading this ridiculous story. Now for the good stuff.
pairing: female!OCxjake
time frame: 2016-2018
word count: almost 7.8k this part
warnings: language, underage drinking (implied), mentions of sex and sexual situations, nudity, oral (m. and f. receiving), unprotected penetrative sex
You know how most people’s lives change pretty drastically when they move away for college?
What, were you expecting me to claim that I was different, special in some way?
I’m not.
If you’re wondering, Sam and I were fine. I guess he’d matured enough to keep speaking to me when he found out I’d almost fucked his brother. I was still immature enough to give him a classic three day long silent treatment over the whole Sam said he thought you were fucking that guy you dated thing.
I even made him agree to never bring me up to Jake again. Ever.
Anyway, my first semester of college kind of kicked my ass. I was smart enough, but I couldn’t decide on a major and it made the whole experience feel like a waste of time. I didn’t meet anyone worth much of my effort to get to know, and I spent a lot of nights alone in my dorm room. I barely even liked my roommate. Meanwhile, Sam was at home breezing through his last year of high school and preparing to actually go on tour.
Like a real tour. It was my worst nightmare. And I had to hear all about it when I came home for winter break. 
But he was excited, of course he was. And I was proud of him. And Josh, and Danny. I couldn’t bring myself to have positive feelings for Jake. After he’d rejected and embarrassed me (again), I’d run off to school determined to lose my v-card to literally anyone who’d never been to Frankenmuth or heard of their band. Fortunately for me, almost no one had heard of either.
So, I did. And Matthew Nowak had been a very cursory and lazy fuck, but he got the job done. I mean, he popped the cherry or whatever, he didn’t make me come, and I never gave him another opportunity to try.
I almost didn’t even go home for Christmas, my dad had been begging me to come see him, but I knew if I didn’t go home, I might never see my best friend again.
Was that a little dramatic? Sure, but the dates for tour were going to start around my birthday, before he even graduated, and he wouldn’t be home for the entire summer. There were talks of getting signed, to a fucking label. Releasing their music to the world. Jake’s dreams were coming true and he was stealing my best fucking friend from me.
He really was an asshole.
I went back to school in the spring a little sad, nostalgic for a time when things were easy and fun, and I always had a weekend smoke sesh in the Kiszka garage to look forward to. There was nothing for me to look forward to in Ann Arbor. Until I met Soph.
Sophie and I were paired up within the first few days of one of our classes, and thank God we were. We clicked instantly, she was almost like a female version of Sam with even better hair.
She got me out of my slump, out of my dorm room and out of my own head.
As we started hanging out more outside of class, we learned about each other’s lives at home, and she let me talk endlessly about Sam. About moving away from Traverse and finding the best friend I’d ever had, growing up with him, becoming an adult at his side.
I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but eventually I ran out of stories and didn’t feel the need to talk about him much anymore.
For a few months, we worked hard and partied harder, and I felt more and more like myself, or my new self, with her help. My new self must have been putting out certain vibes that attracted attention, because I wasn’t hurting for it. Not that I really had back home, but home had narrowed my view, the Kiszkas my whole world. Even when I did date boys, Sam was there to tell me he didn’t like them, then Josh was there shining brighter than the sun, blinding me to them.
Then Jake was there. Ruining me for everyone else, just by existing.
In Ann Arbor, Soph had the opposite effect. Every guy was cute, cute enough to talk to, flirt with, party with. A select few were hot enough to make out with, let them touch our bodies, we would touch theirs. Dance with them, let them pull us close, throw our arms around them and tell them to take us somewhere quieter. 
There was that one time, I’d gone back to this guy’s dorm and he’d put a playlist on shuffle. Ya know, so we wouldn’t be heard. And right before I put his dick in my mouth, fucking Highway Tune started playing. 
Instant no. I left him there with a hard-on and zero promises of returning.
But anyway, Soph and I had fun every weekend, studied every weeknight. By the end of the second semester, we’d decided on my major, and made sure we would share more classes in the fall.
When summer break rolled around, we spent the first half with her family in Grand Rapids and the second, reluctantly, with my mom. Home was weird without Sam, but he was off galavanting across the U.S. Communication between us had been sparse, though he did call me once every few weeks to fill me in, and let’s be honest, brag. I didn’t mind the bragging, much, but even with how well things were going at school, I’d have given anything to drop it all and be with him. 
Even if it meant tolerating Jake. 
Life goes on, time keeps on slipping, the wheel in the sky keeps on turning and all that. 
College was hard, but Soph and I really buttoned up in the fall. More studying, fewer boys, a little less fun, but Michigan gets cold fast and running wild all over campus didn’t hold the same appeal. We vowed to live it up in the spring, maybe settle down and get some boyfriends. Maybe not.
“Holy shit holy shit!”
We were in the library, Soph across the table from me with wide eyes, laptops, books and notes spread out between us.
“Shhh! What? What the fuck?” She leaned in conspiratorially and I turned my phone around to show her the screen. 
“They’re playing in Detroit. They’re coming home!”
“Will you be quiet? Who, Sam’s band?”
That made me laugh every time. I always called it Sam’s band, because he would’ve loved it and someone else I knew would have loathed it.
They hadn’t been home in forever, they were hardly even in the states, and when they’d played the Fillmore in the spring I’d been so bogged down with new classes and so much fucking homework, I couldn’t justify leaving campus let alone the city. 
But they were coming back, and I’d be on winter break. Sam had sent me their schedule, which I’d thrust into Soph’s hands.
“Aww, reunion! I wish I could go with you.” Her pouty face was unmatched, but she was going with her parents to visit family in Ohio for the holidays. For a moment, that realization made me panic. I wanted to go, needed to see my best friend, but to do it alone? Why did that make me nervous?
Maybe because I hadn’t seen him in two years. Maybe because I hadn’t seen him in more than two. I doubted I’d even get to spend much time with Sam, and I doubted further that I’d be able to get him away from the others.
Not that I wouldn’t want to hang out with Danny, or even Josh. But… well, you know.
I wondered if they were going home for the brief break between Detroit and Seattle, and I made a mental note to ask Sam. 
I’d insisted on buying my own ticket to the show, their third added at the Fox after the first two sold out, but Sam wouldn’t hear of it. He set me up with a ticket and access to see them backstage, and I tried not to let it get to my head. It's not like they were famous or anything.
Selling out multiple shows.
I FaceTime’d Sophie so she could help me decide what to wear - I hadn’t put this kind of pressure on an outfit since the night I kissed… yeah, you saw how that went.
We landed on skin tight faux leather pants, an extremely low-cut black and tan floral print top with a fitted bodice and wide, flowy sleeves, and chunky black boots. I planned to top it off with a vintage fur coat Sam and I had found thrifting a few years back. We’d always joked that it originally belonged to the old lady they named their band after. 
“Okayyyyy, so what about your underwear?” 
I stopped spinning in front of my phone, where I’d been showing Sophie the whole get up.
“What the fuck do you mean, my underwear? Who cares?”
“Babe, it’s a rock show! What if you meet a super hot guy with like, tattoos and a tongue ring that wants to rock your world?” I watched her eyebrows waggle as she stuck her own tongue out at me. 
“Yeah I don’t think that’s really their demographic.” 
But… an idea started to form. Sexy underwear would make me feel sexy. Who would be irritated to see me, looking and feeling sexy, arguably hotter now than I’d ever been? Who would be downright furious to watch me get a little flirty, a little provocative with another man? Men? His brothers?
Ohhh, Jake Kiszka was gonna kill me. And it was gonna be worth it. 
The ticket Sam held for me was in the front fucking row. Of the seats, behind the pit floor, but still. How embarrassing, what if I didn’t know any of the words? I didn’t really listen to their music, not since I was in high school, watching them practice or play at Fischer.
As you can imagine, I didn’t need to worry. Every, single, song was familiar. Songs that they’d written or started writing when Sam was barely fifteen. But the people around me knew them all, better than I did actually. 
That was… pretty cool.
I left my seat as the guys were blowing kisses and throwing flowers into the crowd, stopped in a bathroom to check myself out, and followed Sam’s directions to make it backstage. The guys made it there before me, I could hear their excited voices from the hall as a security guard led me to their green room. We slowed as we got closer, and I stopped the guard before we reached the door, composing myself, slipping my coat off, smoothing my hair and controlling my expression. 
You should've seen his face when I walked through the doorway, slow clapping and wearing my best deadpan. They all turned their heads in my direction, but his face was the one I sought out. 
His cheeks were still flushed from the stage (he honestly goes crazy up there) but he immediately turned so bright pink I hoped his head would explode. 
“YOU’RE HERE! Holy shit, you’re here!” Sam rushed at me and instantly my feet were off the ground, he swung me around and I couldn’t help the smile that stretched wide as I laughed with him. 
“You’re sweaty! Put me down, idiot!” He dropped me to my feet and grabbed a hand, lifted it above my head and spun me in a circle.
“Look at you, you look hot, T!” His laughter cracked loud and joyous and my heart soared. He didn’t mean anything by it, of course, but he was right and I knew it.
Danny approached me next, taller and even broader than I ever remembered him being, and wrapped me up in another sweaty hug. “Good to see you, did you get tinier?” We laughed and I slapped him away. Then Josh caught my eye, arms crossed over his bare chest under an open black vest and leaning against the vanity, grinning. 
I moved toward him and he met me in the middle, opened his arms and threw them around me. He didn’t make fun of me, or comment on the way I looked. Our cheeks were pressed together and he turned his face and dropped a kiss to mine. “We’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you guys too, more than you know.”
He let me go and his grin stretched into a blinding smile. “What’d you think of the show?”
“It was fucking awesome, I can’t believe you guys are like, legit rockstars! Seems like yesterday you were jamming in your garage.” Sam sidled up and threw a long arm over my shoulders.
“To be fair, we didn’t really stop jamming in the garage until last year, T.”
I knew that, I guess. But I’d missed it, and I’d missed the moment my best friend grew up. But this wasn’t the time to get weepy about that. I still had a mission to accomplish.
Turning out of Sam’s hold, I faced him. He no longer looked apoplectic, but his nostrils were flared and his arms were crossed, one hand running a finger across his chin below pursed lips. His focus was distinctly somewhere on the floor, but I walked toward him and watched his eyes connect with my boots and then travel, slowly, all the way up my body. 
Get a good look, asshole.
And he did, his gaze lingered for a fraction of a second on my hips, and then again on my chest before it finally met my face.
Say something stupid, I dare you.
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” 
My own eyes rolled in my skull. “Good to see you too, Jacob. How have you been?”
His features twisted in confusion for just a moment before he smoothed them back out. Good.
“Fantastic, living the dream, ya know. How have you been, Tiny?”
“Oh, really good!” I crossed one arm, tucking it under my tits and pushing them up while I twirled a finger through a strand of my hair with the other hand. “I’m majoring in English and Writing and aced all of my finals this past semester. Just really living my best on-campus life. Work hard, play hard and all that.”
It was so satisfying, the way he’d accidentally looked at my chest and then failed to look back at my face until I was done speaking. I swear to you my pussy fluttered when he swallowed, hard, before responding. It was that satisfying. 
“That’s- ahem, that’s great. Glad to hear it. Thanks for coming by to say hi or whatever but we need to pack up our gear and head to the hotel.”
Nice try.
“Oh, cool! I’d love to come with you guys, I just miss you all so much.” His face started turning pink again before I looked over my shoulder. “Sammy! Can I come with and hang out at the hotel? Just for a little bit?” I whipped my head back, my hair swinging with it, to see his face before Sam even answered.
I wanted to see if steam came out of his ears.
“Fuck yeah! You can crash with me if you want!”
One corner of my mouth lifted and curled. “Perfect!”
I regret to inform you that no steam came out. But I think it was pretty close.
When I pulled in at the hotel, I texted Sam and he told me they were in the lobby so I flipped my visor down, checked my face and fluffed my hair. After a deep breath, I got out of the car and made my way inside. 
The hotel wasn’t anything too ritzy, and I figured despite it all, they weren’t that famous. Sam still looked and sounded like the best friend I’d grown up with, though there was something about him that had become more attractive. All of them actually exuded more… sex appeal? 
Ugh, musicians. 
My timing was pretty good, I entered the building in time to catch them getting in the elevator, Jake being the last left in the lobby. But we caught each other’s eye and instead of walking on, he backed up a step. The doors closed and the elevator rose without him. 
He stood there, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans, and waited for me to reach him. When I did, he spoke before I could. 
“What are you doing here, T?”
I painted confusion on my face instead of the pure gratification I actually felt. “Visiting my friends? What are you-“
“Cut the bullshit. It’s unbecoming.”
Okay, that was a little wrinkle in my plan. I hadn’t even started shamelessly flirting with anyone yet and he was already cursing at me. I doubled down.
“I came to see them, Jake.” I pressed the button to call the elevator back down and crossed my arms.
“And what about me?”
“What about you?” Just as I glanced up, feigning more interest in the LED display of numbers as the elevator came down than this conversation, he stepped closer and gripped my arm. Pulled me closer.
It felt familiar.
“I’m not buying it. Come on.” The elevator dinged and the doors opened to an empty car, but he was already pulling me down a hall toward a stairwell door. It swung open as he shoved through it, yanked me through and pushed me ahead of him, and it slammed shut behind us.
The stairwell was silent, our breathing was amplified and bounced off the walls. His voice made me flinch.
“Third floor. Go.”
Four flights of stairs and two landings separated me from their room. That was fine, I could do it.
Except he stayed behind me the entire time and didn’t speak a word. By the time I pushed the door to the third floor open, my nerves were fried and I was still trying to discern his reasoning for taking the stairs. If he had yelled at me or pushed me to the wall and kissed me in the stairwell, it would’ve made more sense. Instead, he placed a hand low on my back and led me down a deserted hallway to room 307. I breathed a shaky sigh of relief, ready to abandon the plan completely and run to Sam, use him as a personal human shield for the rest of the night.
But he pulled a key card out of his pocket and slid it into the lock, and the heavy door opened to a dark, empty room. 
Jake stepped inside and flicked on a light, holding the door open for me. I didn’t move.
“Jake, what-“
“Get in here, we need to talk.”
It sounded like a terrible idea, I hadn’t come here to talk. I came to spend time with Sam and do enough harmless flirting with the guys to drive Jake crazy. 
“No. Where are the guys?”
He just stared at me for a tense few seconds before he sighed impatiently. “In Sam and Danny’s room.”
“And which room would that be, exactly? I’ll just go knock-“
“Please.”
I know, I know. Did he really have to go and ask nicely?
“Fine, you know what? You have five minutes then I’m the fuck out of here.” He had the nerve to give me a tight-lipped smile, lift his palm and wave me in as I started to pass him and head into the room. Then he let the door swing shut.
We were alone.
The room was pretty standard, two queen-size beds, a table and two chairs. Not exactly rockstar shit. I tossed my coat onto the closest bed.
“You want a drink?”
I dropped into a chair, crossed my legs and folded my hands over my knee. “No, I don’t. What did you need to talk to me about? You have four minutes.”
He pulled a White Claw out of the mini fridge, popped the tab and sat at the end of the bed closest to me. After a swig from the can, he leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees. 
“Three minutes.”
“Jesus, give it a rest, T.” He pinned me with a glare and my eyes widened. “Don’t. Don’t act all affronted because you’re not getting your way, I’m sick of it.” 
“I don’t know what you mean, I-“
“Stop! Tell me why you’re really here.”
“To see Sam! I told you-“
He stood from the bed, leaned across me and slammed the can onto the table. I jumped in my seat, but then he bent down and gripped the arms of the chair on either side of me. Right in my face, he ripped me to shreds.
“I’m tired of this, T. Since day one, everything has always had to be all about you, your feelings, your stupid ideas, your fucking games.”
That was ridiculous and it straightened my spine, I sat up taller and put us nose to nose, but he didn’t stop.
“How many times have you come between us and Sam? Pitted us against each other? Run away when you didn’t get your way, with one of us or all of us?”
With a huff, he pushed himself away from me but now I was ready for a fight. Launching from the chair, my body followed his. “And what about you, Jake?  You spent years fucking with me, leading me on, just to humiliate me over and over again!”
“Is that really what you think?!” We were squared up now, hands flailing as we yelled in each other's faces. “I didn’t do shit, and you spent years avoiding me, making me feel awkward and unwelcome in my own house because God forbid I ever be in the presence of such a self-entitled, delicate fucking princess!”
“Oh, you fucking prick. Fuck you-“
“So eloquent, that’s really lovely Tiny.”
You already know that he said that on purpose.
“Don’t. Call. Me. That.” I was fuming, the steam was probably coming out of my ears, and that pissed me off further. Everything about this was infuriating, my night completely off-railed, my time with my friends ruined. I was done.
I threw my hands up and then put them on his shoulders, with all intention to shove him out of my way and walk out of the room with some part of my dignity intact, for once.
But that’s not exactly what happened.
Because once I touched him, the tension reached a breaking point. And boy did it break.
Before I could push him away, his arms were around me, his hands spread across my back, and he pulled me in. 
Yep, he was kissing me. 
Our mouths slammed together and all the anger, all the fury, combusted between them.
My own hands betrayed me and shot from a grip on his shoulders to a grip in the hair at the back of his head, still slightly damp from sweat or a shower at the venue, I had no idea. And I didn’t care.
He ravaged my lips until they felt bruised, opened them with his and forced our tongues to battle for dominance, sucked the air from my lungs until I couldn’t breathe. I pulled away to drag some back in but he hardly gave me the chance, tugging me back in to kiss my lips, bite my jaw, murmuring between the attacks. 
“Why are you really here…”
His hands slid up my back and sunk into my hair, pulled my head to the side so he could continue his attack on my neck, my throat.
“Say it, the truth.”
My brain was in shut down, I forgot what words were and how to make them. His teeth reminded me, scraping along my skin.
“You. For you.”
His lips closed over mine again and he was moving me, two steps backward and we turned, the back of my knees hit the bed where he’d been sitting. Our mouths broke apart, our hands fell away. The sound of our breathing, fast and uneven, thundered between us.
“I’m not gonna stop this time, T.”
My heart stumbled over its next few beats.
“I don’t want you to.”
We fell back into silence as he reached forward and slid his hands up underneath my shirt, rough fingertips pushing the fabric up over my ribs, my chest, I lifted my arms and let him pull it over my head and shook my hair out as he let it drop to the floor. 
There was just enough light coming from the only one he’d flicked on, and the moonlight spilling through the uncovered window, that I saw his nostrils flare. His eyes trailed over my lace and silk covered chest before meeting mine.
“You’re so beautiful,” My breath caught, I held it. “I’ve never told you how beautiful you are.”
I couldn’t speak, emotion squeezing my throat, the words I’d always wanted to hear from him tightening every muscle in my body. So instead, I mirrored his actions and tucked my fingers under the hem of his t-shirt. Soft, heated skin met my touch and I flattened my palms over his hips, up over his stomach and I swear he trembled. Seriously! When they made it to his chest, I could feel the hard, steady beat of his heart, rapid beneath my hand. 
Maybe he knew I could feel it, maybe not, but he leaned in and pulled a soft, sweet kiss from my lips before he took over and tugged the shirt over his head. 
“Jake…” His chest and stomach were lightly toned and completely flawless, a glimpse of which I’d gotten when he was onstage, shirtless under an open jacket. I wanted to tell him just how perfect I thought he was, he’d always been, but the words wouldn’t come. So I bent my knees and dropped to the bed, the barely there happy trail leading up from the low waist of his pants now directly in front of my face.
I leaned forward and kissed it. A strangled noise came from above me, I smiled against his skin. Then his hand was in my hair and he pulled, forcing my face up. He smirked.
“You ever done this before?”
Asshole.
Blindly I reached for and found the button of his jeans, popped it open and worked his zipper down slowly. 
“Please don’t piss me off, or I won’t be nice.”
A chuckle rumbled through his chest. “Just making sure.”
His grip in my hair kept my chin tilted up, eyes locked with his. I peeled the denim over his hips and pulled it down to his knees. Heat rolled off his body in waves, I was dying to look at it, take it all in but there was fire in his stare and I was burning. My fingertips mapped out what I couldn’t see, found the subtle V that led down into his briefs and traced it before I tucked them under the elastic and rolled it down his legs. 
Jake Kiszka’s cock bobbed in the air between his hips and my face. Crazy, I know. I wrapped shaky fingers around him, felt how thick and hard he was before I’d even seen it, tried to picture what I could remember from his dark bedroom.
“Fuck, T.” I tightened my grip on him, just a little, stroked him once. His eyes slid shut.  “I can’t believe you’re here.” I stroked him again and his grasp on my hair loosened, my chin dropped and there it was. As perfect as the rest of him, his dick was big, the head flushed pink. My mouth watered.
For real.
In that moment, I wondered quickly what he liked, how fast, how slow, how hard? My tongue slid out and tasted him, just the very tip, and he snatched my hair up again. The sting in my scalp made my eyes water and I opened my lips and took him in, wrapped them around him and swirled my tongue over his skin. He whimpered.
I could be remembering that wrong, but I swear he did.
He wanted to take control, I could feel it in the smallest amount of pressure from his knuckles on my scalp, but I wanted to be stubborn. I was tired of the control he seemed to have over every one of our interactions. I released him with a soft pop and his eyes shot open. 
“C’monnn,” he groaned. I took my hand off of his dick and pushed him back, he almost stumbled, his legs still trapped in his half-removed jeans. I stood from the bed, spun us around and reversed our positions, then pushed him by the shoulders to sit.
“Patience, Jake, patience.” I flicked the front clasp of my bra open and felt the unrestrained relief as my tits spilled out, then that flutter of satisfaction as his eyes went wide right before going soft and dreamy. What can I say, Jake’s a breast man. “Aht.” He’d reached for them, lifted his hands like he just couldn’t wait to feel them again, but they paused in midair. “I said patience.”
He huffed out a sigh and dropped them, so I continued. Made a little show out of unzipping my boots, sliding them off and peeling the skin-tight material of my pants down my legs. His fingers flexed against his thighs the entire time, clenching into fists and releasing over and over. I waited until I was left in just the lacy thong to instruct him to remove his pants. 
His boots were kicked off and denim tossed away in an instant.
And there we were again. Jake, fully bared to me while we stared at each other, my tits out and pussy covered. But this wasn’t going to end the way it did two years ago. 
Not if I had anything to say about it.
I dropped to my knees and his legs spread, making room for me to kneel between them. His cock jumped when I touched him, just my fingertips, up his shins and over his kneecaps before I placed my palms flat on his thighs. When I peeked up at him through my lashes, he was staring hard, jaw clenched and nostrils flared again. So I continued to trace my fingers over his skin, further up his thighs, over his hips, up and down his happy trail. 
Through gritted teeth, “Baby, please.”
Baby? I was throbbing, slick between my thighs already but that hit me like lightning.
I wrapped a fist around him at the base and took him all the way to the back of my throat.
I had to. 
A string of rough curses fell from his lips and a hand tangled in my hair, but I kept my composure, sucking him in and stroking with my fist, letting him sink as deep as I could without choking. His skin was hot velvet on my tongue, I could taste his desire, his need, and I couldn’t help the moan that rippled up my throat around his cock.
“Jesus fuck.” His hips jerked, I gagged around him, he fisted the hair at the back of my head and yanked me off of him. “Get up here.”
Remember how I wanted to maintain the control here? Yeah, I failed. 
He used his grip on my head to bring my lips to his, his tongue sweeping in to dance with mine immediately, his hands moving down my body to pull me up and into his lap. I threw my arms around him and rocked into it instantly, his roving hands landing on my ass and pulling me in, his dick rock hard and slick with my spit grinding against my silk-covered pussy.
Just like that, I lost control of my insolent mouth too.
The kiss broke and I rested my forehead on his, my eyes trained on what was happening between our hips. “God… I-“ The head of his cock caught on my clit, I gasped at the feeling. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”
Embarrassing, I know. But then… ohh then.
His hands skimmed up my ribs until they were cupping my breasts, thumbs grazing over my nipples. 
“I’ve wanted you longer, T. Forever.”
Goosebumps. Literal goosebumps ran up my arms, I shivered, my nipples tightened, and he pulled one into his mouth. He sucked and lapped at it, thumb still moving over the other, and without hesitation he sunk his teeth in. 
“Fuck yes, yes yes…”
His tongue circled it again and he released it, pressed a hot and fast kiss to my mouth. 
“You still like that, huh?” He chuckled as he opened his lips over the other side. The silk between my legs was soaked, I could feel how easily I was sliding over his cock, and I was getting impatient despite the way I’d reprimanded him hardly ten minutes ago. 
“Jake, please…”
He popped off of my nipple and pulled another kiss from my lips, then leaned back and let one corner of his mouth curl up, self-satisfied and cocky.
Still an asshole. 
“Please what, baby? Tell me.”
My eyes rolled, even as he tucked his face into the crook of my neck, nipped and licked me there.
“I want you inside, please fuck me.” Self-control, out the window.
“Mmm,” he hummed into my skin, “No.”
Before I could be properly offended, and believe me, I was, he gripped my thighs and hauled me up, then deposited me onto the mattress. Well, tossed me, really. I bounced once, arms and legs flailing, hair falling in my face. By the time I pushed it away and propped myself up on my elbows, he was standing at the foot of the bed, dick in his fist. I opened my mouth to speak, to yell at him or beg him to stick it in, I don’t know, but he was stroking himself, and he moaned. My mouth snapped shut.
“I’m not gonna fuck you,” I scoffed, offended, pissed even. “Yet.” He let himself go and placed his hands on the mattress, then climbed onto the edge of the bed and started crawling towards me.
It was so fucking hot. His cheeks were flushed, his hair wild from my hands, his eyes dark. I backed away, moving up the bed until my shoulders met the headboard. He didn’t stop coming, and I didn’t want him to. Instinctively, my knees bent and my legs fell open, inviting him in. But he didn’t settle there, when his hands reached me, he grabbed me by the calf and threw my leg over his shoulder on his way down. 
His mouth opened over damp silk and I cried out, his name or God’s, I’m not sure, but his lips and tongue were moving against me and I may have blacked out. I came to when one of his hands skimmed up my inner thigh, and he broke away long enough to slip two fingers under the material and tug it aside. 
Jake Kiszka’s tongue was on my actual, bare pussy. 
My shoulders sagged against the headboard as I reached for him, burying my fingers in his already tangled and unruly hair, our eyes met and he dragged his tongue over me again and again.
“Shit, you were right, this is better,” I panted. He smiled against my cunt and I felt it. I smiled too.
My cheeks hurt I was smiling so hard, until he laser-focused his attention to my clit. His lips wrapped around it and he sucked it past them, my jaw dropped. 
“Oh, oh my God, oh my God!” He was good at this. Too good. The beginnings of an orgasm were already swirling, tightening in my belly, making my toes tingle. The tip of his tongue moving against me until he opened his mouth over me again, and I felt it plunge inside me. The sounds I was making were unholy but I had no shame, I couldn’t feel anything other than need. I needed to scream, I needed to come, I needed him. 
He brought a hand up around my thigh and ran his thumb over my folds, licking himself as he lapped at me, then swirled it over my clit as his tongue fucked me. Before I could even moan, two fingers from his other hand replaced his tongue inside me.
“Jake!”
His head tilted and he pressed his lips against my thigh, kissed it and grinned. “Yes?” Fingers everywhere, filling me and fucking me, circling the most sensitive part of me - I forgot what I wanted to say, if I had even wanted to. Instead I pulled his mouth back, he slid his thumb away and flicked his tongue against me. 
“Yessss, yes just like that, please!” I let my eyes close and stars were already dancing behind my lids, I was close, so close, and I told him so. I moaned it and his fingers plunged deep and curled. I screamed it and he sucked my clit back into his mouth. 
I came hard, nails dug into his scalp, bucking my hips against his face, screaming his name. 
It was unreal. College guys had nothing, fucking nothing, on him.
Before my muscles had even relaxed, he lifted his head from between my thighs and moved up my body, his fingers still pumping slowly inside me as he kissed my hip, my stomach, my breast on his way up to my mouth. He tasted like me when my tongue touched his, and he eased his fingers from my body. 
“Absolutely fucking stunning, breathtaking.”
His breath was taken? I still couldn’t breathe, my chest continued to heave as he left the bed, taking my panties down my legs with him, and I could barely lift my head to see what he was doing. My eyes closed and I felt the mattress dip with his weight as he returned and settled on his heels between my legs, still splayed open. I cracked an eyelid and found him watching me, wrapped condom held between his fingers. 
Under his gaze, I shifted down until my head rested on the pillows, spreading my legs wider, pussy presented to him on a silver fucking platter.
This was happening. There was absolutely no way this was not happening. Not this time.
“Now, Jake.” Unrecognizable, my voice had a distinct sex kitten-like quality that I loved as soon as it hit my ears. He must have loved it too, because his dick twitched and he gripped it. I reached up and snatched the condom from his fingers, tore it open and started rolling it on while his eyes bugged out and his jaw fell slack.
“Jesus, not your first time, huh?” My hand replaced his around him and I stroked, he leaned over me and I guided the head to my center, moved it through the slick pool of arousal there. He paused, poised to enter me, and met my eyes.
“I’m pretty much out of firsts, Jake.”
His eyes closed, his hips rocked forward, and he pushed just past my opening, the tip not even fully inside me.
I tilted my own hips up, he slipped a fraction of an inch deeper. I whispered, and it was sexy, and seductive. “It could’ve been you.”
He sucked in a sharp breath, opened his eyes and we watched each other’s faces as he sunk deeper, slowly, to the hilt. “It should’ve been me.”
Stunned, speechless, we stayed like that. Unmoving, bodies connected, eyes locked. He broke first, dropping his lips to mine and rocking into me softly. A sound I’d never heard before, quieter than a moan, crept up his throat, trapped behind his lips as they caressed mine. My legs lifted, cradling him between my thighs and wrapping around him. 
It was gentle, sweet. The exact opposite of how I knew it would’ve been, if I’d let him be my first, thinking he wasn’t. 
I felt my cheeks warm, my eyes pool with tears. I blinked them away. This was everything I’d wanted and more. I knew I’d been an idiot to think otherwise. Especially when he pulled back and delivered a quick, deep thrust and there was no pain. Only pleasure bloomed inside me, hot and volatile. 
“Again, more…”
An excellent listener, he repeated it. Again, again, and I met each thrust with my own. Our kiss turned frantic, sloppy, lips and tongues clashing and pushing, pulling and taking. The temperature in the room was rising with the heat of our skin, our bodies slipping against each other. He lifted his chest from mine, hands braced on the pillows on either side of my head, and the conditioned air on our damp skin made us both groan in ecstasy.
I damn near came again, almost commented on it but he dropped back down and shoved an arm between me and the mattress, rolled us both. We laughed as we landed, his hair strewn across the pillow and mine falling in his face. My laughter stuck in my throat when he grabbed onto my thighs and pulled, tucking my knees against his hips and forcing me to sit. I propped myself up with my hands on his chest and fell back into the rhythm, my hips rolling. 
“Goddamn, you feel so good, look so good riding me.”
My head fell back as his words rippled through me, his fingertips digging into me, his hands moving my body over his. He brought one to my chest, squeezed me roughly, rolled my nipple with his fingers, pinched it. Hard.
“Yes!” He did the same to the other, my pussy clenched around him. 
“You like when it hurts a little, don’t you?”
“I- I don’t know, I guess so- ohhh!” He wrapped a hand around each tit and sunk his fingertips into my flesh, then kneaded them both, ran the pads of his thumbs over the peaks. 
“Fuck, that’s so hot. You’re fucking perfect.”
Yeah, I lost my mind a little bit. My hips bucked wildly in his lap. Perfect? Me? My nails pressed into his skin, I dragged them down his chest, reveling in the sharp hiss sucked between his teeth, the way his own hips lifted from the bed and he fucked into me. Sharp, fast thrusts hitting me so deep I was screaming his name. He sat up and pulled my face to his, kissed me hard, bit down on my bottom lip, and then tipped me backwards.
My head was nearly hanging off the end of the bed, but really, who cares? My ankles locked behind his back and he was slamming his hips into the back of my thighs.
Fuck, was I gonna come? He had to be close. I lifted my head, now very much hanging off the bed, to ask him.
Beep. Click.
His hips stuttered and paused, we both whipped our heads to the door, which was fucking opening. 
Josh appeared, his foot crossed the threshold and he was looking down at his phone. 
“GET OUT!!” We yelled in unison. Josh’s head popped up, his eyes went huge, and then he laughed. 
“Shit, sorry guys.” He started backing out into the hall, the door creaking closed. “About time,” We heard him chuckling to himself and the door clicked behind him.
Jake turned his face back to me and seemed to realize for the first time that I was barely on the mattress. An arm wrapped around my back and he shifted us until I could look him in the eyes.
“What the fuck…” I whispered up at him.
His smile was subtle and affectionate before it stretched to a full grin, and he huffed a laugh.
“There was no fucking way I was stopping.”
I matched his grin and lifted to pull a kiss from his lips. “Good.”
He tucked his face into my neck and began the roll of his body into mine again. I let my hands roam across his back as he kissed and nipped my skin and his thrusts picked up speed. The orgasm that had been teasing me before we were interrupted built again quickly, and Jake was panting in my ear. 
But then… then. A whisper. Low and deep, but a whisper nonetheless. 
My name, my real name, hit my ear and I gasped, right on the edge.
“Come for me. Please come for me.”
How could I say no?
It broke, crashed, consumed me. His name on my lips as I tightened, writhed, and shook for him. 
He didn’t stop, didn’t slow, he chased after me and followed into the flames. My name burned into my flesh by his kisses, a guttural groan as he came inside me. 
Easily the best orgasm I’d ever had. Easily.
Because he’s just a man, albeit an incredibly hot, multiple-orgasm-inducing man, he collapsed on top of me. I let him. I ran my hands over his sweat-dampened hair and the soft skin of his back and we both caught our breath. Then he started giggling. 
I pinched his ass. “What’s so funny, Kiszka?”
His head popped up and he propped himself on an elbow, a wide grin splitting his face in half, gorgeous. “I can’t believe we waited so long to do that, that might’ve been the best sex I’ve ever had.”
We both laughed as I slapped his chest. “Might be?!”
“Okay okay, you’re right.” He looked at me dreamily, his eyes bouncing around my face. “It was the best.”
Because I’m a woman, albeit a mind-blowing sex goddess, I started overthinking. I couldn’t help it! You should’ve seen the way he was looking at me. 
“Jake…” He lifted his eyebrows, I lifted a hand to his face, tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “What does this mean?”
Those eyebrows knitted together, a quick moment to think that over. Then he kissed me, soft and slow. 
“I don’t know what it means. But I do know this hotel has free breakfast downstairs, so be up and ready by nine.” His smile stretched again, and I couldn’t help but laugh. 
“Oooh, do you think they have French toast? That’s Sam’s favorite.”
He attacked me, tickled me until I had tears in my eyes, kissed me until I was breathless, and fell asleep with his arms around me.
The truth is, I don’t remember the exact moment I fell utterly, completely in love with Jake Kiszka. Maybe you should ask him. 
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b4tasquad · 9 months
Note
i beg of you. please niko getting sick of being the nice friend and having sex with sharky’s gf secretly while everyone is away and he fakes sick. 🙏🙏 OLEASE MAKE HIM MEAN TOO
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Authors note: this is literally unalike anything else i’ve written.. everyone is so out of character. especially sharky and niko. also i don’t at all condone with cheating, it’s disgraceful, but this fiction!
Warnings: SMUT (minors dni) , cheating, mean niko, sharky being an asshole (i’m sorry) Aj being the only tolerable one
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“Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” Aj’s words were hesitant as he lingered in the doorframe. All of the others had already put their things in the car and situated themselves bar the Shabeel. He sensed something being off with his housemate and best friend, and like the rest of his friends, he hadn’t been too quick to shrug it off.
Today was the day the Beta squad was flying to America to do a series of challenges for their channel. The idea was discussed, and finally months after Sharky had suggested it, they were doing it. It all went well, and according to plan until Niko stepped out of his room at 8 am, claiming to have gotten food poisoning.
Aj wasn’t too sure what to believe. While it was a reliable excuse as to why he had gone to bed so early the night before… something just didn’t seem right. Niko had been much more reserved than he usually was, and in the days following up to this trip, he was hanging out less and less with his friends.
Well, he couldn’t stay away from Aj even if he tried. The fact that they shared a house with the addition of the shorter boy’s annoying nature not helping Niko in the slightest. But even so, it seemed like Aj was the only one Niko got along with really well these days.
And Aj Shabeel had no idea why.
Sure, they teased him a lot, maybe even more than usual. But they had always been like that with each other, what was different right now? As Niko shrugged, an indescribable look on his face, Aj's thoughts went someplace else.
It could have something to do with Niko’s breakup a few months prior. While he seemed pretty okay right after, Aj wondered if it was all hitting him now. It seemed like a stretch, but he desperately tried to make sense of it.
But not wanting to overstep, he kept quiet.
“I’ll be fine,” Niko told in the end. He wasn’t dressed and a part of Aj felt like Niko hadn’t even tried to join. Even so, the more logical thing was to just let it go. “You guys have fun.”
Just as the tall man finally seemed to relax and Aj felt like he could get real answers out of him, Sharky and Chunkz waltzed in and interrupt. “What’s up with you Aj, come on!”
Said man rolls his eyes at the interference, but just nods. With the long flight ahead of them, he was not in the mood to talk more than he had to. “Coming. I was just making sure Niko hadn’t changed his mind or something.”
While Chunkz didn’t seem to care for the answer, Sharky’s eyes met Niko’s. Had Aj been paying attention, he would see the rage that filled Niko’s eyes for a second and maybe connected the dots.
“Niko, you need to sleep through your heartbreak or something.” As Aj and Niko stilled at that, Chunkz seemed to find Sharky’s words hilarious. The two of them laughed with each other as they made fun of their best friend’s breakup. “Ruining everyone’s vibe, brother.”
Things had been like this for 3 whole months. Ever since the day he came home, spilling about how they had ended it, his friends refused to let it go. The jokes were borderline cruel, and even if Niko joked too, it was never on such an excessive level. Sharky often initiated the topic, and with time, Niko came to loathe his best friend’s behavior.
As much as it hurt to admit, Niko was envious. Not only was Sharky successful like himself, but he also had a beautiful woman he could share said fortunes with. You were everything a man like Niko could ever dream of. From your attractive appearance to how much you valued and took care of Sharky.
Niko never felt like Sharky deserved to have such a loving person like yourself at his feet.
Often, in the darkness of his room, he found himself wondering how it’d feel if you were his and not his best friend’s. And on more than one occasion, Niko found himself daydreaming about the things he’d do to you. How he’d ruin Sharky’s perfect girl. He had long before realized how toxic these fantasies were, but as his friend grew more despicable by the day, Niko’s head got darker.
The sound of loud honking caught their attention and with the impatient driver in Niko’s favor, it was time for them to leave. Aj was the first one to bid Niko goodbye, telling him to let him
know if there was something he needed. While Niko knew he wouldn’t need anything, he nodded appreciatively. Chunkz followed, quickly bidding his friend goodbye which left one person.
“Get well soon, mate.” Sharky dabbed him up, and as they separated again, a teasing smile erupted on his face. “Have fun!”
Sharky’s words were sarcastic, trailing back to the topic of Niko’s rough breakup. And as frequently as Niko had felt disheartened, he was today driven by his friend’s teasing. His thoughts were clouded by rage and desire for what wasn’t his, and with a knowing smirk, he nodded.
“I will.”
It was a couple of hours later you were knocking on the expensive door, your hand hesitating as you were too afraid to break anything. There was no way you had money to pay for it. But even as unsure as your motions were, the door flew open a few seconds later, a rather tired Niko Omilana standing on the other side.
By his messy hair and the puffiness of his eyes, you could tell he had just woken up. Even with the sun dimming behind you and the afternoon turning night, you felt equally as bad for disrupting his sleep. “Did I wake you?” Stupid question. “Sorry.”
For a moment, he just looked at you. Studied you. You knew Niko, sure. He was your boyfriend’s best friend and you had spoken to him briefly in the past. But the two of you didn’t exactly know each other.
“Nah, it’s fine.” He waved your apology off, opening the door more, a silent invitation. Gratefully, you stepped in, eyes raking over the unfamiliar place as they looked for your boyfriend’s figure. As if he could read your mind, Niko answered. “He’s not here.”
You didn’t have to utter a word for him to see how disappointed you were at that. And as you sighed with your gaze on your shoes, Niko basked in the minor victory. But his eyebrows furrowed at the thoughts entering his head. If you were here, in London, looking for your boyfriend who was currently on his way to America, did that mean he hadn’t told you?
Shitty.
It was embarrassing to say it at least, as you stood there clueless as ever. “Do you know where he is?”
Mindlessly, you followed Niko into the house, feeling too uncomfortable to stand on your own in an unknown home. His face confronted into one of awkwardness and by the way he was scratching the back of his neck, you knew you wouldn’t like his answer.
“America”
“America?!”
You were not only shocked but also hurt at the revelation that your boyfriend had fled the country without even thinking of informing you first. Niko explained, and with the way he was speaking about how long they had known of this trip, you felt worse by the second. Was he mad at you? Did he need space?
Insecure thoughts swarmed your head and with a tired sigh, you leaned over the kitchen counter. “Why didn’t he tell me.”
It wasn’t a question, more of a sad statement. As you waited for Niko to say something encouraging to try and salvage the relationship, he shocked you with how he proceeded to go about it.
“Because he’s an asshole.” As fast as you could, your gaze snapped up to meet his across the kitchen counter. It was intense and dark, something you had never known or heard of Niko possessing. With the way he was eying you, a chill slid down your spine.
Both the feeling of lust and shame swam in the pit of your stomach and there was no saying what was driving you the most insane. You wanted to explore the darkness behind the tall man’s eyes, but at the same time, you felt disgusted for even thinking that. Your boyfriend had fucked up 1 time and you were ready to spread your legs open for his best friend.
You hadn’t realized how in your head you had been til Niko stood behind you, back pressing you into the surface of the counter. Your hands came to steady yourself, and with the way his breath trailed down your neck and caused goosebumps on your forearms, you knew you had lost.
It didn’t go a second from when he sounded you around, till he smashed his lips to yours. The kiss was messy, your lips struggling to properly meet with all the eagerness the two of you had for each other. But once you found a sensual rhythm, it was hard to think.
“Wait.” You leaned back, head spinning. Niko was making you feel things you’d never felt before, and as his lips trailed down a path from your collarbone, the guilt slowly turned into pleasure. “Shar-“
“I’ll make you forget his name.” Niko breathed against your exposed body, eyes coming to hold yours in a hard stare. And while he nodded to make sure you were following, you felt yourself crumble.
A nod of your head was all Niko needed to press his lips against your body, once again creating an even larger fire in your core. His lips were both soft and rough as they placed firm kisses against the exposed parts of your breasts. Unintentionally you leaned your chest more into his face, and he didn’t complain, giving you the attention you craved.
An aggravated sound left Niko’s mouth as he struggled to pull your tight-fitting skims dress off and without even thinking, he took the material between his fingers, ripping it in half. A shriek of complete horror left your mouth, and you wanted to cry in your place against the counter.
“Don’t worry.” Niko pushed one of your titties out of the bra, finally letting his tongue meet the bud. “I’ll buy you as many as you want after this, baby”
You moaned even louder if that was possible, and all thoughts of the expensive dress evaporated, along with your common sense. There was a part of you that couldn’t get over the fact that you were being unfaithful to your boyfriend. As shitty as he could be at times, and even with his tendency to run his mouth, he was still someone you respected.
The fact that you stooped down this low, just wasn’t like you.
But Niko was making you feel so good. His exploring lips, gripping hands, and soft curls that tickled your skin. He was forbidden, completely off limits. But as he moved from one nipple to the other, you just couldn’t find it in yourself to stop.
The motions on your breast were making you feel lightheaded and so with a firm grip, you dragged him up to press your lips together, once again. Niko obliged, kissing you like he’d been waiting for years. His hands were placed firmly on the curve of your ass, and his lips swallowed yours like a starved man. He was eating away at your sins, slowly.
Feeling vulnerable with your breasts out of your bra but with him completely dressed in front of you, you tugged at his hoodie. Niko understood, but before he pulled it off, the man sat you on the counter. Slipping off his clothes, he leaned on the counter, lips on yours again.
Your nails scratching his head as you made out had him groaning in your mouth, and the sound vibrated through you, ultimately making you even hornier. Niko could see the change in your attitude and with a slight chuckle, his hands trailed up the skirt of your ripped dress.
As much as you had done in the kitchen already, it felt a little unsanitary to have him between your legs like that here. “Are you sure we should do it here-“ you had started to say when his fingers stroked against your damp panties.
“You were saying?”
His finger slowly but surely made its way, soft strokes all over your sensitive area. You leaned your head over Niko’s shoulder, your seat giving you an advantage over his tall figure. He was making you see stars with one finger, and as he swiftly added another, you were sure you could pass out already.
Niko was an expert, his experienced movements and the encouraging words he uttered in your ears did everything it needed to bring you to a place of relaxation.
“I-“With your stuttering words and the clenching of your walls, Niko could tell you were getting there. Just as you went to release on his long fingers, he retracted them. You were a whining mess, feeling hot and uncomfortable as he prevented you from your high. “Niko”
Your calls of his name had his chest filling with pride, his former words replaying in his head. With little effort, he flipped you over, leaving you to cling to the cold counter after being caught off guard. By the unbuckling of his belt, and the sound of his pants dropping, you knew exactly what was coming.
“Fuck.” Niko whispered as he pulled off the rest of your dress. His eyes were on your wet pussy, and without a word he pressed a kiss to it, his tongue slightly licking a strip. Your legs were hanging off the side of the counter, and with his tall frame, it was the perfect angle for him.
With such precision, Niko lined himself up with you, slowly slipping into your awaiting body. Nothing could prepare you for how much he stretched you out, and with the feel of his fingers from earlier, it all felt double as good. “You feel so fucking good.”
His praises were drowned out against your exposed shoulder as he began to move. It seemed like he was thrown off for a moment, needing time to collect himself. But once he did, Niko’s fingers dug into your hips, moving them against his at a monstrous pace.
And by the time an orgasm was nearing, you shook against the cool surface.
Once again you moaned his name, and as much as he loved hearing you call it out in such w breathless way, he needed more. “He doesn’t fuck you like this, right?”
You were out of your mind, his body slipping in and out of yours taking you to someplace far away. But even in this out-of-the-world experience, you knew exactly who he was referring to. “Niko-“ you told, voice unsure. At your hesitance, he made a move to slip out of you, and instantly you protested. “No, he doesn’t! No one does it like you, Niko,”
“Mhm” his voice was filled with untold satisfaction, and Niko pounded into you harder.
The two of you were having the time of your lives. With the pleasure building up on both sides, and Niko’s strokes becoming slower and less frequent, it was no surprise when his next words came.
“You’re making me go crazy.” You were sure you were turning blind soon, but his words made you chuckle slightly. It almost sounded like he was begging you to release.
With sweaty bodies and synced breathing, you sighed as you finally felt the tight knot unravel. Niko didn’t stop for a second, working you through it while simultaneously praising your “good work” To be fair, he had put you through shit.
He was biting the skin on your neck, body shuddering against you as he came alongside you. The feeling of him filling you up was foreign but in the best way possible. Someone would think you’d be more sensible than having sex with your boyfriend’s boyfriend and letting him finish inside you, but your mind was a mess and so was the situation at hand.
After a few minutes of getting yourself together, you slid out from under him, Niko was still breathing heavily as you put some space between you two. You felt uncomfortable with his cum dripping down your legs, and your body filled with possessive marks and for a moment you just unsurely stood there.
“We shouldn’t have done this,” your words are low, and your eyes are anywhere but on his. You knew he was looking, but there was no way you could reciprocate the action. At the moment, you were feeling shameful. And as all the pleasure you’d used to drown that out earlier disappeared, your throat felt dry.
“Not even 3 minutes ago you let me fuck you raw against the counter.” Niko remarks. His words don’t help in making you feel better, instead making you feel even worse. He takes a few large strides over to your smaller frame. “You know you liked it more than you’d ever admit, and that’s why you’re feeling like that. It’s not your fault for wanting your desires fulfilled, just gotta face the fact that he’s not enough for you.”
With his words, he placed a few kisses against your skin. You weren’t sure if he was genuinely infatuated with you, or if it was just some ploy to hurt his friend, but in the end, you fell into the temptation. And blindly, you followed him into his bedroom where he fulfilled everything you hadn’t realized you missed.
Taglist:
@p3drii , @jiusz , @n1kodl , @shuuuuush , @w1shes43 , @alltoowill0w , @slutforpablogavi , @enhacolor , @allygatcr , @romanlawkickingmyassrn , @randomhoex , @batmansb1tch , @jamespotterssidepiece , @Eatmybootyhair , @distantfromu
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sureuncertainty · 10 months
Text
so as a former employee of RMS Titanic Inc, I have some thoughts I need to get out about this whole current situation, or I will literally explode.
for context, I worked for RMST Inc. for a year and a half as a tour guide and artifact specialist. The company owns the salvage rights to the wreck site, and partners with Oceangate and other companies to retrieve artifacts. the artifacts are used for educational purposes only, in the museum that I worked at, although they weren’t above selling little bits of coal from the Titanic in stupid little tchotchkes like snowglobes and hourglasses.
i dedicated so much of my life and passion to that company and that museum and was treated like absolute dirt lol. and I didn’t even get the worst of it, I had friends and coworkers whose safety and wellbeing was consistently disregarded for the sake of profit, fighting desperately for corporate to stop pretending to care about the legacy of Titanic when all they really cared about was making money
so despite my initial shock at reading about what was going on with the missing submersible, I can’t say I’m surprised. This is what fucking happens when you cut corners and put profit over everything else. If only there was some big historical event that we could look to that would show us just exactly how dangerous that can be...  oh wait.
Jack Thayer, who was 17 when he survived Titanic, said that “the world woke up on April 15, 1912″, which pretty much sums up how SURE people were in 1912 that they would never make those same mistakes again. They realized had gotten complacent and swore things would be different. They enacted safety laws, pointed fingers at survivors, created conspiracy theories to try to explain what happened, all out of fear of it happening again. And yet, history always repeats itself
and now people are fucking OBSESSED with the Titanic, they find it fascinating,  they won’t fucking leave it alone, and the company I worked for, and Oceangate, and others, capitalize on that because they’re greedy and want to make money off of it. all they care about is how to profit off of it. they PRETEND to care about Titanic but they don’t. They never did.
I also actually have a personal connection to one of the five members of the team in the submersible. I met P.H. Nargeolet at the event our museum did commemorating the 110th anniversary of the sinking, I spoke to him and heard firsthand some of his accounts of dives to the wreck site, I even took a picture with him. He cared, he cared so much about Titanic and its legacy, and so do I and so did so many of my friends I worked with. The company we worked for took advantage of our caring, it took advantage of how passionate we were about it in order to line its executives’ fucking pocket
I’m horrified, I’m devastated, I’m vindicated.
on the one hand, I hope this ruins them. i want to watch the company die. there’s a satisfaction in that. but the shitty thing is how much suffering has to happen for things to change. i just wish good people didn’t have to die to make change happen. I wish people cared first, before tragedy strikes. I wish our world wasn’t so fucked up and shit like this didn’t happen. But it did. And it does. And money won’t save any of those people any more than it saved John Jacob Astor or Benjamin Guggenheim, or any of the other rich greedy assholes who died on Titanic. I’m not celebrating their deaths. But I won’t ever forget who suffers the most. The coal trimmers and the stewards and the minimum wage guest service associates at the museum I worked at.
I’m glad I don’t work there anymore. But some of my best friends still do. And I don’t want them to suffer more because of this. All I can hope is that it enacts meaningful change that actually lasts. But I know that’s just wishful thinking.
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damiansgoodgirll · 10 months
Note
hi, can you write about reader and Damian both winning money In the bank please
damian priest x reader
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champions
you and damian grew together in NXT. that’s where you met and where you became close friends, almost too inseparable for some people.
you were moved to main roaster together and that made you the happiest person on earth.
usually you drive together and shared hotel rooms just because it was more “convenient” for you. so many of your colleagues thought that you were dating and your fans too started thinking that.
so when you were both given the chance to qualify for money in the bank you started thinking that someone was making things up just for you to be together. in all honesty you had the biggest crush on damian but you were so scared he would reject you. you thought he saw you as a little sis or more as a best friend, you knew he loved the “rockstar lifestyle” and hooking up with random women was his thing.
you didn’t notice how he stopped doing that when you started spending more time together though. he was in love with you, he fell for you the moment he met you but due to his past of being a “latin lover” he always thought you deserved better.
he wouldn’t tell you but he was so excited that you were both qualifying for money in the bank, meaning that if you actually qualify you would be flying together and staying in london together.
and of course - it happened.
you both qualify and now you were going to fight for the money in the bank titles.
during your flight to london you sat together on the plane and your best friend rhea couldn’t stop teasing you. she would take pictures and of the two of you sleeping close to one another or the two of you watching a movie, cuddled together.
as you were watching the men fighting for the briefcase you couldn’t stop but panic a little when you saw damian was on the floor.
“c’mon damian…” you whispered to yourself.
you were in rhea’s changing room. she invited you over to watch damian because she knew how anxiety would get the best of you in these situations. she sat next to you trying to calm you down.
but joy erupted in the room when you saw damian lifting that briefcase, meaning he won.
“yes yes yes” you started screaming and jumping. rhea couldn’t believe that was the same person a few minutes ago was biting her lips to hard to draw blood.
when damian came back you were the first one to congratulate with him. you literally jumped over him.
“oh my god damian i’m so proud” you said hugging him to death.
he couldn’t stop laughing from how clingy you were in that moment. it was the first time someone was proud of him like that, not even his own father when he won his first championship.
“i’m glad you’re happy” he smiled.
rhea was smirking the whole time, watching the two of you flirting with each other.
you both started at each other for a moment and you swore something was going to happen but finn came behind him and congratulated with him, ruining your moment.
“i better go get ready…” you smiled to damian and he nodded.
you were going to compete for the female briefcase and this was going to be your first time ever. you were nervous as hell.
you were not gonna lie, this fight was hardest than the men’s one. it felt like an eternity but you were determined to lift that case up. so you fought with teeth and blood.
damian was cheering for you and honestly he couldn’t believe how much energy you had for that match. he knew you and he knew when you wanted something you would always get it.
so he was the happiest men on earth when he saw you lifting the briefcase. everyone was cheering for you, back stage and the fans too. everyone loved you and saw the potential you had.
he was the first one to greet you when you came back in the backstage.
“you did princesa!” he said lifting you up.
“yayy!” you were on cloud nine.
“we’re both champions!” he whispered to you “i’m so happy for you y/n, you deserve it so much!”
“you too dam! i know how much you’ve been wanting this, you deserve it so much” you said honestly.
that again. the spark between the two of you. this time there was no one that could ruin your moment.
damian’s lips were just a few inches away from yours.
“if i do this…there’s no going back mariposa…” he whispered.
“i’ve been wanting this for so long…” you said and in that moment his lips gently posed on yours. it was a soft kiss, full of love and care. his hands gently laid on your hips and he pushed you a little towards him. you stayed there for what it felt an eternity.
“i wanted to kiss you from the moment we met…i was just scared” damian confessed.
“scared of what?”
“you deserve so much more y/n…i know that you deserve so much more than me but at the same time i can’t help what i feel for you” he said looking at you.
“you’re the one i want damian…i’ve always wanted you, i never thought i was your type…i mean i’ve seen the women you used to hook up with and i’m nothing like that…” you whispered.
“you’re the person i would love not the person i would occasionally hook up with…you deserve so much love y/n and if you let me i’ll make you the happiest woman on earth…” he confessed with such vulnerability you thought that was a different man from the damian you knew.
you were speechless so you did the only rational thing you could think of and you kissed him.
he took your reaction as a yes.
so you went straight back to the hotel, ordered some take out and spent the night watching movies together and falling asleep in each other arms.
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Text
Cutting you off pt. 5
Asmodeus
Light Angst/comfort good ending!
Asmo x MC! GN pronouns.
* Right off the bat you learned how emotionally open asmodeus was.
* Not only when it came to show lust related feelings. He was so open all the time, and you kinda guessed that plays a big part when it came to him being extremely liked everywhere.
* It didn’t matter where you were, Asmo was the center of attention, he had everybody at his feet and trying to get his attention.
* Which was kinda uncomfortable to you when you two were out trying to spend some quality time together.
* Like right now, you both were out in the fall, dancing and drinking, just the two of you.
* … the two of you and the demons that kept stealing Asmo's attention by the minute.
* First it was the one who came with two shots (for him and Asmo) and entangled Asmo's arm with his so they could drink it together. Then the demon who stole his attention with some idle chatting right in the middle of your own conversation, and don’t even get him started in the ones who kept asking him to dance.
“Asmo!” You touched his shoulder and he looked at you, interrupting the demon that was whispering by his ear. “Darling! I was looking for you!”
“Really? Cause I was waiting for you by the bathroom, where you said you’ll be!” You almost yelled due to the volume inside the club. “Sorry dear! I got a little bit distracted in the way” he chuckled, turned to the other demon and said something to him before returning to you. “Let’s go get another drink! You took so long I finished my cocktail!” You suppressed the need of telling him it wasn’t your fault, he wouldn’t even listen anyway and you didn’t wanted to spoil the night before it even began.
* The night kept on going and you really tried to not feel bad everytime Asmo left you to go hang out with literally anybody else.
* Your last straw happened at the dance floor. You were both dancing together, and then another demon got behind Asmo to dance with him, then another one appeared at his side.
* After another one completely blocked you from his view and Asmo didn’t even noticed, you slowly made your way to an empty table.
* You kept looking at him tho, hoping to see him looking at you, but it didn’t happened.
“What’s wrong love? You were there one moment and the next one I couldn’t find you!” Asmo grabbed your arm in a friendly manner while he got a little too close to you. “30 minutes ago” “what?” I left the dance floor 30 minutes ago and you just noticed” you crossed your arms looking at him.
Asmo rolled his eyes at you, looking annoyed. This happened everytime he drank enough, or when he was too drunk in self love, luckily for you both were happening tonight! He tended to be a little bit more irritable and acted without thinking.
He took a sip of a drink the demon by his side offered him. He smiled at you drastically changing his demeanor “Stop crying! Are you coming back to dance or what?”
“No, Asmo. I wanna leave” you admired a little bit nervous and irritated with the whole situation. “What? No! Why would we do that? Just come back with us, it’s still early!” He grabbed your hand trying to make you stand up. “It’s 3 am and I’m tired, please, let’s just come back.”
“Ugh, why are acting like such a baby? You just wanna ruin my fun!” He frowned a little bit mad, talking a little bit louder this time. “Me? You ruined my fun! You haven’t even looked at me since we got here.” “Oh, so that’s the problem! You’re just jealous! You want to be by my side always and it’s tiring!” You gulped, a little bit hurt, trying to excuse him. Asmo is always a little bit emotional and flirty, but with a couple of drinks in him he tended to let his sin override his better judgement. “Asmo, it’s time to go back…” “No! I’m sick of it! I’m Asmo! Avatar or lust! jewel of the heavens! I could have fun with everyone I could ever want but you keep trying to be by my side always, spoiling my fun!” This time a couple of demons started looking your way; Asmo got closer to your face and almost fell trying to take a step back, “You’re not good enough to be with me all of the time, get over it.” He spoke with a lower voice, his nose almost touching yours and his index finger poking near your clavicle. He pulled back, now letting you watch his face as he grabbed the other demons hand and a drink that another person offered him. “I’ll go home when I feel like it” he spoke loudly, but not quite yelling. You felt ashamed, demons were now returning to their own conversations but that didn’t stopped a few of them from looking at you mockingly, another couple of them with pity.
You almost ran out of the club, trying to get home before you started ugly crying in the street.
* By the next morning you woke up with puffy eyes and a sore throat.
* You did your best to make your eyes look normal before getting breakfast.
* When you arrived there you were thankful to notice Asmo wasn’t there. It wasn’t abnormal, almost every time he went out, he would wake up later than usual.
“We didn’t expected you here this early” Lucifer’s voice made you snap out of your own thoughts. When you looked confused he explained, “You went out with Asmo last night, didn’t you? You must have returned pretty late.”
“Oh” your stomach hurt, of course you weren’t going to tell him about Asmo's actions from last night and how you ended up coming back on your own way earlier than he did. “I just… came back earlier, he ran into some friends and I was too tired to keep partying”. When the whole table looked convinced at your story, you silently exhaled and went back to looking at your plate, trying to concentrate in what the brothers were talking about instead of what was going on in your head.
* Your efforts to avoid Asmo during the weekend worked. Whenever you were at HoL you tried to stay in hidden in whatever room the brothers were at, and when it was time to eat you’ll convince Beel to go out.
* It wasn’t just your work either. Asmo had also restrained himself from spending time with you.
* He didn’t actually remember all of the fight from the day prior - not as intense as it actually was anyways - but it was pretty common for you to be mad the day after a big party.
* Whatever reason it was, he always knew you would probably be mad at him after partying and kinda ignored you the day after that, but never actually apologized
* The firsts times this happened, you didn’t think much of it. He was drunk so he probably didn’t remembered, and you were also drinking so maaaaybe you overreacted, right?
* Of course as time passed, you started getting this feeling that left a bitter taste in your mouth. Why didn’t he talked to you? Why didn’t he apologized? Didn’t he wanted to knew what he did to make you upset?
* So when this whole situation happened at The Fall, it was your breaking point.
* Not talking to you? Fine! See what I care. This time you weren’t gonna come back like nothing had happened, he embarrassed you! And in front of a really good amount of demons, nonetheless!
* So when Monday rolled around and you didn’t answered Asmo's singsongy ‘good morning’, he found it weird.
* And it wasn’t just that. The whole breakfast you would talk to his brothers pretty normally, but whenever he started talking too, you would go completely silent. His brothers didn’t seem to notice it but he did! And it was making him upset.
* You didn’t sit with him in the class you both shared today, nor did you pass notes during the lesson.
* And don’t even get him started on the way you also ignored him during diner.
* He was so mad he had the fight himself to avoid frowning all day long. A little misunderstanding like this wasn’t going to give him a wrinkle
* The next day he was hopeful you would have time to talk it out, you both use to walk together on Tuesdays since you two had an early class together.
* But when you left as soon as he was joining breakfast with the excuse that Solomon and you were going to meet up to study before class started, all his hopes deflated and he started to felt a disgusting feeling growing in his stomach.
* He wasn’t going to give up that easily, oh no. He actually got to class early and made sure that everybody was sitting anywhere but beside him, so you two would have to sit together.
* And so you did. He had a relaxed smile while he watched you writing notes as the lesson began.
* “Hey Mc ~ want to meet up in my room before dinner so we can do homework together? We can also try this new face mask that I bought. It’s supposed to be amaziiing” he whispered, or tried at least, while leaning in to you. “No, thank you. Satan is helping me with homework today.” You answer was so harsh he felt shocked for a second. “O-Oh, that’s okay darling” he tried to sound as okay as he could, since when did you declined an offer to be with him?
* He tried talking to you again after the lesson ended but you practically ran out of class. He did his best to catch you and your last class of the day, waiting patiently next to your locker.
* You were too concentrated in your DDD to actually look at him before you arrived, leaving you unable to escape him this time.
* “Hello Mc~, I was looking for you all day!” You looked at him briefly before returning your eyes to your locker, opening it and changing some of the books you were holding. Asmo took your silence as a sign to continue, “Wanna walk home together? I saw this cute ice cream stand on the way here, we could go there and take some photos together for my feed too!” You closed your locker, finally looking at him, “No, I’m okay” Asmo frowned, “what do you mean you’re okay?” “I just don’t want to” you tried to leave the conversation there, but Asmo grabbed your wrist before you could escape. “Why… have you been avoiding me?” It was your time to frown, having to fight to keep your mouth closed instead of letting it hang open due to the surprise. Really? “Are you serious, Asmo? You don’t remember how shitty you were with me?” “Ugh, is this about the Saturday thing? Seriously?” “Yes seriously! You embarrassed me and you were extremely rude to me. It was completely uncalled for!” Asmo rolled his eyes “ugh, okay. I didn’t knew it meant so much to you. Im sorry, okay?” He exhaled “Now can we move forward?” You kept your lips in a thin line, feeling anger and sadness mix in your chests making you feel like you were about to slap him and cry in any second. “No. I’m done with this endless loop of you being mean to me whenever you want and me just letting it slide without even getting an apology. Forget it.” You jerked your wrist out from his hand. “I don’t want to be around you, Asmo. You hurt me and you don’t even seem to notice or care” you spoke calmer this time looking at him. His expression was hard to read, was he annoyed? Or just indifferent? “Goodbye, I’ll walk myself home” you practically ran down the stairs while Asmo stood in place. Hurt them? He knew he was a little bit more blunt than usual when he had a some cocktails on him but still, he didn’t said anything that bad, did he? It was probably just that you were touchy and emotional whenever you had alcohol in. It had to be that.
* “Ugh, whatever” he muttered while trying to avoid his shocked expression show. He didn’t needed this, he could get any friend he wanted. If MC wanted to act like a child, so be it.
* Asmo was doing good. Great, actually.
* He used to spend so much time with MC he almost forgot how many people wanted to be with him!
* He had a different companion every lunch, a group of demons following him around when he went out shopping and don’t even get him started about the invitations to go out he had almost every night.
* Wanted to do his skincare routine with someone? No problem, a demon is arriving before he could even begin to ask him. Asmo wanted to have a shopping spree and needed someone to ask for opinion? The demon that was in his history class was there.
* He didn’t even thought about your fight for days!
* Until he saw you eating near the fountain with the twins and Mammon.
* He was on his way to meet another group of demons who asked him to eat together that day. Too into his own mind to realize you were there before seeing you foreground.
* It was… weird. The way you were hanging with his brothers felt different than his recent lunch dates.
* You were sitting in the grass, Beel by your side, eating a burger and fries at the same time, Mammon in front of you talking about something he ignored and Belphie laying in your lap, falling asleep with a smile in his face while he commented something he couldn’t decipher either. You laughed and started caressing Belphie's hair. You started talking with a smile plastered in your face, one that made Asmo feel strange.
* When was the last time he had any meaningful conversation with the people he had been hanging out with? He tried to ignore it, but most of the time they wouldn’t talk or would just praise whatever he would say.
* He hated the upsetting feeling that was settling in his stomach. He hated even more that he j ew how he could fix it.
* That day he ate alone.
* And his after school meetings didn’t went very well either. He had a couple of demons getting a spa treatment with him, in a salon full of people, but he never felt more alone.
* After 30 minutes of demons listening to him bickering about nothing in particular, he decided to try to recreate the kind of atmosphere he had when hanging out with the MC.
* “So… have any of you done anything interesting lately?” The demons looked at him, confused “Nothing as interesting as the things you do everyday, Asmodeus.” One of them answered with a smile plastered on their face. “Well, but like, none of you do anything outside of waiting to hang out with me?” They looked at each other and shook their heads “you don’t have any good stories to chit chat about? A new series you started watching? A weird fixation you know way too much about?” “Do you want us to have some of those? We could create something right now!” Asmo fought to keep his sadness hidden. “Ugh… no, forget it. It’s not the same” he let out a sigh, “let’s just get this over with.”
* That night Asmo felt lonelier than he did before. It wasn’t just the fact that he noticed how empty those demons were, it was the fact that none of them was as interesting and comfortable to hand around as you, MC.
* And whats even worse, none of them stay around enough. They like Asmo for what he has and gets, not for who he is and what he has to offer outside of his lust and social position.
* Yes, a lot of people want to hangout with Asmodeus, avatar of lust, but not a lot of them want to stay with Asmo. And even if they did, none of them are you, MC.
* The next day Asmo convinced himself that he needed to get back his situationship with you.
* Even if he had to accept he fucked up and needed to apologize.
* He tried, he really tried to work up the courage to go and talk to you, but, weirdly, he felt nervous.
* What if you realized you actually were better without him? What if you had actually replaced him with his brothers? You did look happy these last days.
* And what’s even worse, he could never catch you alone!
* He tried to talk to you before the first period, but you were too busy hanging around Satans locker, helping him carry some books back to the library.
* During lunch Diavolo and Bsrbatos were all over you, talking about some human realm festival that was happening next month.
* And in the classes you were together, you had already found other partners for every activity. It was frustrating and infuriating. What did everyone else had that he didn’t?
* “… so this is how Levi feels, uh?”
* But finally, and after waiting for a long time, he caught you alone reading in a bench while waiting for Mammon to walk home together after class.
* He took a big breath before walking to you, hands in his side and lips pursed
“Hey, Mc. Can we… talk?”
You raised your face yo look at him and he felt nervous for a minute. This was so unlike him it was making his tummy feel weird. “I suppose.”
Asmo sat down in the bench, letting a small silence cover your conversation. “I’ve missed you, MC” “really? Didn’t seemed like it” Asmo intertwined his fingers, “yeah, I know. I’ve spent all week looking for ways to avoid thinking about you, but I’ve failed, clearly.”
You looked at him before turning your face back to your book. Asmo felt frustrated, too many feelings in his chest but only so much he could express with words. “I’m sorry Mc, I really do. And I’m sorry it took me this long to say it, and to realize that I could never replace, not even if I tried” You turned the book back down and he took that as a sign to keep going. “I really thought about everything I do remember from that day and even though it’s not much, I know I can be a little difficult to deal with when partying and I’m sorry, I must’ve gutted you pretty bad, but I don’t want yo be that person again, I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Asmo exhaled and kept going this time getting a little closer, “It’s completely okay if you don’t want to forgive me, really. I hurt you, and I never want to be that person again. I swear, if you give me another chance, this won’t ever happen again. I don’t want you to feel unappreciated ever again.” He took your hand, slowly, trying to see if there were any signs of resistance. “And I just… I wanted you to know that you are important to me and nothing could ever replace you. I want to do better for you because you’re worth it.”
You looked at Asmo for a really long time before actually breaking a little smile, tears gathering in your eyes. “Oh Asmo.” You went in for a hug, that Asmo quickly deepened, pulling you as close as he could. “That’s all I wanted. For you to say you’re sorry and to acknowledge my feelings. I don’t want us to grow apart.” “Me neither! Do you know how boring and sad my days were without you around?” You laughed a little, your face buried in Asmo's neck “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” “Hey Asmo, it’s okay. We’ll work on it together, okay?” “Yes, please. I don’t want us to fight ever again”
Asmo let you go after a while, holding you by the shoulders. “So, spa day to celebrate?”
Asmo has really grown on my these past months
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cleostoohot · 2 years
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MY VOID STATE SUCCESS STORY (🦩 anon)
Before I went to bed I played my favorite law of assumption videos just to boost my motivation. Once I was done with that I basically gave my self a pep talk saying why wouldn’t I get in the void, I was made to be successful and have all my desires, if other people can do it then duh I can do it because I am special. I played a meditation by kim velez (seen from another success story) it was a long video so I knew it wasn’t going to cut off. I got into a comfortable position since I knew I wasn’t going to be able to move. I counted to 300 and said affirmations after each number. I can’t remember all but I definitely used ones like the void state is so easy, I get into the void state in 2 minutes, everything is easy for me, I am in the void state already, and more. At some point my hands felt gone in a way. I imagined that feeling spreading throughout my body as I continued affirming and counting. Once that finally happened it really clicked to me that I am actually doing it and that void is real and without a doubt I said the void state is SO easy to enter then that’s when I felt a complete shift and realized I was in. I only said the affirmation I have everything I desire right now then intended to wake up at 8am when I’m ready to get out of void but I low key stayed in longer because it felt so peaceful. Like it’s so unexplainable for me it was such a nice feeling like I wouldn’t mind entering every night just to feel that again. Even if I don’t plan on manifesting things. So on to what I manifested 
🌼 Completely changing my appearance. From head to toe. My desired face was different features from different celebrities so I was nervous about looking weird but I look 10x better than I imagined. For my body I manifested ruby roses body but with bigger tits. I also changed my skin tone to be lighter and even.
🌼 Completely changing my family. I changed their appearance to fit mines so I wouldn’t look adopted or something. Also I changed their personalities so we can finally have a great relationship and lastly I manifested an older brother and little sisters that are twins. I already had enough siblings but I wanted more.
🌼 My boy friend. I used to create scenarios with him in my head to fall asleep and now I fall asleep to him rubbing on my body. I had the biggest crush on him before and thought I’d never have him now he’s all mines and better than ever! I was going to manifest that we already been dating for 2 years but I didn’t know how that was gonna work so I just manifested that we was already dating for a week before I successfully shifted I guess you can say.
🌼 My own car and a new house. It’s not a big ass mansion it’s just a way bigger and cuter house than my last which I love! I got my own bathroom attached to my room and never have to worry about siblings ruining my bathroom again. And I got a car that my parents let me do whatever I want with! I can leave whenever I want, come back whenever I want. I am really living my best life with no rules.
🌼 Being really good in sports. I wanted to be one of those athletic girls so I manifested being super good in basketball, tennis, volleyball, and cheer. 
🌼 Other than those I manifested clothes, money, longer hair, different personality, always smelling so good, and literally so much more. 
I can’t thank you enough cleo 💓 I think I will go back in void tonight but idek what to manifest. Maybe it’ll be a family vacation to somewhere super expensive lol. 
the rubi rose body part made me giggle cus that’s literally the dreammm bod omg😭🙌🏽 IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! i just know your living it tf up. vacation suggestions- you should go some where in the caribbean’s 🤎🤎
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coveted-covey · 5 months
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You really don’t know when it started.
He’s always been the same, and you’ve always been the same, except that you can’t help but feel that something changed lately.
You stare at your childhood friend of 10 years. Cove’s eyes are crinkled, waving his hands animatedly as he tells a story about his volunteer shift just earlier this afternoon.
“And then the team leader fell on his butt the exact moment the wave came in!” He slaps his knee in glee, laughing out loud as he relives the funny moment. You couldn’t help but share his  mirth, laughing along. “We were all stifling our laughter, I swear–” 
Cove’s iconic eyebrows were downturned as he heaved in laughter. This could easily be one of the best sceneries you’ve ever been blessed to witness, you caught yourself thinking.
His laughter slowly dies down into softer chuckles, then he fixes his gaze onto you. “Why are you staring so much? Is there something on my face?”
“H-whu?” You broke out of your daydreaming, eyes immediately flicking onto the ocean. You feel your cheeks and ears burn in embarrassment. “No, no. Don’t worry about it!” You waved your hands dismissively, hoping that he does not grill you about getting caught staring at him.
You could still feel his eyes burning into you, and you desperately hope that the ground opens up right at that moment to swallow you and shame whole.
“Um, hey! D-do you wanna start walking home now?” You stammer, looking anywhere but him. You stood up from the swing you were sitting on, immediately taking steps away from the playground before Cove even gets a word in.
Long strides turn into heavy jogs behind you and you try to keep a straight face as you walk-run from the scene of unbearable shame. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks once he catches up, which did not take too long considering his skyscraper height.
You try not to gulp a huge lungfuls of air in succession. “Yep, I am!” You hold the air you inhaled, not able to breathe it out right away. You walk side by side with you stuck in that reverie, and you could feel his gaze every now and then, concern etching onto his features.
You were trying to steady your breathing when your lungs and diaphragm finally gave out, making you hiccup. The seagreen-haired boy beside you flinched. “Seriously, [Name]. What’s going on–” He reached out to grab your arm, wavy eyebrows furrowed. 
You feel your eyes burning in mortification. Good God…
As much as you could, you try to swallow air and relax your diaphragm. “I’m alright, really–” Another hiccup. “Darn it!”
You glare at the ground, arms rigid at your sides. This is literally the worst moment to do this.
“I…”
Your best friend waits for you patiently, trying to calm you down by rubbing your arms gently. After a few beats of you not continuing, he sighs softly. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”
Tears finally well up and fall to your feet. 
“I think I’m in love with you,” you whisper in the smallest voice he’s ever heard you in.
You almost sob when he slowly retracts his hands from you, falling at his sides. You scowl at the ground some more, self-hatred boiling the longer he does not respond. That’s it. Ten years, ruined. Just like that. Stupid, stupid [Name]!
Your hiccup breaks him out of his own pondering. “[Name]...”
“I’m so sorry…” you whimper, shoulders starting to shake in hurt and humiliation. You bring your hands to your face, attempting to wipe away the tears that keep on flowing.
Cove frowns and steps closer to you. He wordlessly holds you in his arms, letting you stain his shirt with your tears. Despite the shame, you let yourself grasp onto him, pouring your heart out in sobs and hiccups as Cove rubs his hand on your back. 
He breathes out a sigh then whispers softly, “Why are you upset that you confessed to me?”
“Because!” you start, whining. “I ruined our friendship! And despite me doing that I’m still shameless enough to let you comfort me!”
Cove’s chuckle shakes you both. “You silly goose.” His arms tighten around you and you feel a soft pressure on your temple. “Would it ruin our friendship if I feel the same way?” He laughs again. “Ah, I guess it checks out. Because the obvious progression from friendship is–”
“Hang on,” you pull away a bit, arms still around his waist. “You…” Another hiccup. “You feel the same way?”
The face you always love to look at blooms red, his lips wobbly. “Well… Yeah…” He scratches his neck bashfully. “I’ve always meant to tell you but you beat me into it. And what’s more, you were so upset that you made the confession. What would a guy think?”
A laugh startles out of you. “Oh my God. All these tears, and for what?” You laugh at the silly situation you found yourselves in. “Does this mean we’re dating?” You lean your forehead onto his chest.
“Only if you want to,” came the reply, hints of a smirk obvious in his voice
“Okay, then. Since you asked so nicely,” you teased, looking up at him.
He laughs at your banter, then uses his thumbs to gently wipe away your tears. “Will you let us graduate from being childhood best friends and finally be boyfriend-girlfriend, ending my once-thought-to-be one-sided pining of 10 years?”
You slap his chest lightly. “I thought you’d never ask.”
You share a laugh, letting go of each other’s hug, but your hands automatically reaching for each other as you walk up the hill.
~*~
.
.
.
“Guess what?” Liz bursts into your room after 2 knocks on your door.
“Hmm?” You look up from your phone.
“Mom, Ma, and I saw something very rom-comy just a few minutes before you got home. Unlucky you didn’t see it! Best rom-com of the year, not gonna lie!”
“What?”
“Oh yeah, there was this teenage couple, probably childhood friends, who were crying and holding each other on the street. It was almost sweet if it wasn’t so cringe, granted that I know the two of them–” she teased.
“Oh my God, Liz?!”
Your older sister just cackles and slams your door close as you try to throw a pillow at her.
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fic by @coveted-covey (2023).
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audrinawf · 8 months
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The Identity Shift
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so I’m writing this 5 months later than I expected but here it goes. this spring I decided to change my identity. I did some small changes but also some big ones. some changes I felt like were kind of unnecessary in the beginning but they proved to be just as important.
I’ve always used manifestation as a hack. which means that when I wanted to manifest something I would call it in using various manifestation techniques but something’s changed this year.
I delved into my spiritual path more than ever this year, I read so many books, I meditated more than ever and most importantly, I completely isolated myself for almost a whole year. complete hermit mode. and also…I did 🍄.
one of the consistent teachings I kept seeing in all the books and schools of thought I encountered was the concept of changing one’s identity.
and here’s the thing. the more you ascend wether that’s mentally or spiritually , you can even think if it as levels.let’s say you’re at level 5. once you get to level 6 a lot of things change in your physical reality. some people just completely disappear from your life. they didn’t die but they might as well. the people you used to run into on the streets are nowhere to be found, suddenly you’re seeing completely new people when you go to your usual spots.
it’s cause you’re at a completely different level of reality and consciousness. it’s like a game. and what I noticed is that if you don’t make the necessary changes yourself, you get put in situations where you are forced to change, the decisions is out of your hands.
this quite literally happened to me. as soon as I ascended I could no longer tolerate the foods I’ve been eating all of my life. sounds crazy right? I can’t even explain how or why.
I went from eating a very high carb diet to being completely unable to digest any gluten and basically forced to go in a carnivore diet. cause even when I tried to resist meat and only eat beans and lentils and nuts my body developed a allergy to all 3 of those foods.
why did this happen? cause I decided that I was going to be a fit person. I decided that I was going to be lean and always have abs. so now thanks to the diet I’m basically forced to have I do have abs. and mind you I was someone who insisted that I could never be fit cause I was South Asian and us South Asians can’t be fit cause our genetics is ruined thanks to colonialism. It’s a limiting mindset I had for years.
I decided that I was someone who never got cavities, well guess what? I literally couldn’t drink energy drinks or eat sour candy without getting sick. why? cause the acidity in those foods was rotting my teeth. so the universe literally forced me to stop.
I decided that I was someone who was surrounded by good people that only wanted good things for me. what happened? my best friend literally started acting so crazy out of nowhere that I had to cut her out of my life. well it’s turns out that she had been doing black magic on me for a long time and the moment I decided that I wanted quality friends over quantity, she was gone. the way our friendship even ended was out of my hands. all it took was one identity shift.
I realized now that my life has changed so much. It’s absolutely insane. my friend who I’ve literally grown up with since we were babies just disappeared from my life. and here’s the thing, she lived 30 seconds away from me, and we work together at the same company and I haven’t run into her at work or the grocery store, NOT EVEN ONCE. it’s like she doesn’t even exist in my reality.
all of a sudden I got 6 new friends, and now I have the type of friend group I’ve always wanted. We go out and eat, we travel together, they’re helping me plan my wedding and we meet up regularly. It truly feels like the friendship that the girls from the sex and the city have and that’s exactly the type of friendship I have tried to manifest and I got it the moment I changed my identity.
So how do we consciously change our identity?
you need to change every little thing about yourself even the things you think don’t matter. but they do.
if you want to you can even create an alter ego. I know Beyoncé does it when she’s on stage. she becomes Sasha Fierce. cause sometimes we have to be someone completely different to be able to break the habits of ourselves.
this is why so many people prefer to start fresh in a new town once they want to change their identity. so create a new identity and allow yourself to turn that identity on every day.
think about what characteristics you identify with and why? did someone call you shy and you just internalized it. maybe you’re not shy maybe you’re just someone who has boundaries and takes a longer time to trust other people. maybe you don’t think some people are worthy of knowing you so you keep that part of you reserved for your closest. whatever traits you identify with flip them and see them as positive.
once you’ve worked on the internal you can start changing things physically.
Like me for example I always wear my best jewelry even if I’m going to the grocer. I even bought so many different styles of engagement rings before I even met my fiancé cause I loved the idea of wearing a wedding ring one day. And guess what? I manifested the fattest engagement ring.
I decided that I was someone that had a high income side hustle so on the days I didn’t work I wake up early, got dressed as if I had an important day filled with meeting and then I got in my laptop and started working on my side hustle. If you saw me you’d think I was the CEO of a million dollar company. but you know what. the moment I got into this role and started playing this character, a thousand doors opened. It’s absolutely crazy how many opportunities came out of nowhere.
I didn’t have to work on marketing my business, I didn’t have to work extensively on perfecting my site. the moment I changed my energy, money started flowing to me and my business.
there’s so many ways to change your identity and it can be so much fun. I decided that I wasn’t someone who ate junk foods and sugar ever. So I don’t. That’s not who I am. I decided I was someone who was stylish so I started wearing my best outfits even when I “didn’t have a good enough reason to” I wore the pretty dresses that had been in my closet collecting dust cause I have a reason to show up as my hottest best self and that’s cause I’m an important person with a job and a business and I look good every day. and the more I dressed up the more events and parties I manifested. I literally became the person I was trying to magically manifest for years in just 5 months.
and I did it cause I knew that whatever I wanted would come to me. I didnnt have to know how cause the way would be revealed to me in the future. I just had to start. And so I did.
follow for more identity shifting tips 🩷
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imagineanime2022 · 1 year
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They're Jealous
Osamu Dazai X Fem!Reader Chuya Nakahara X Fem!Reader Atsushi Nakajima X Fem!Reader Ryunosuke Akutagawa X Fem!Reader
Requested: Anon
Request: I think i want to request this request for a long time now, so i want to request headcanon Dazai, Chuya, Atsushi and our local emo boy Akutagawa (separate) react when they jealous and they're s/o was oblivious fool who don't aware what happen. Thank you from write my request.
Warning: Pushing dudes
Osamu Dazai
🩹 Dazai was secretly possessive, in a way that everyone except you could see. He very rarely let you go anywhere on your own. 🩹 I’m pretty sure that he slipped a tracker and listening device in your jacket so that he knew where you were at all times and could hear if you were ever in trouble. 🩹 His version of trouble and yours were very different so expect him to show up at the most inopportune times. You were often left cleaning up after him when he ruins something or causes trouble, 🩹 Your inability to realise when someone was flirting with you was the real problem here because when it came down to it that was the problem.
You don’t even know when he got there, you had been trying to find something for lunch when a guy walked over to you “Are you looking for somewhere to eat?” He asked. “Oh yeah, I’m trying to decide what to have for lunch.” You answered with a soft smile. “I know a good place to eat if you're looking to try something new. I can take you there.” He suggested. “Oh that kind-” “She really doesn’t need your help.” Dazai’s voice sounded behind you and you looked at him and frowned looking behind you. “He was just going to show me somewhere to get lunch Dazai.” You mumbled. “He wants more than lunch.” Dazai muttered. “Woah.” The guy lifted his hands as he looked at you. “Is this guy your brother or something?” “He’s actually my boyfriend, do you mind if he comes along?” You asked. “Oh uhh, you know I’ll just give you directions.” He said as Dazai smirked behind you, if anyone knew him before the ADA they would have thought that he had rejoined the mafia with the look he was giving this man. The rushed instructions that he gave you were quickly forgotten as Dazai draped himself over you. “Are you really going to go to that place he told you about!” Dazai whined. “Would it make you feel better if I say no?” You asked. “Yes.” He answered. “Fine then I won’t go. I don’t understand why it means so much to you but there you go.” You shrugged as you pulled him towards a cafe to get something to eat. Dazai watched you walk and smiled while your obliviousness bothered him. He never wanted you to change, he wanted to keep you this way until the end of your days.
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Chuya Nakahara
🍷 Chuya’s always been volatile, anyone could have told you that but he became more so when he started dating you, male members were genuinely afraid of talking to you and other executives had taken to just sending a female operative to speak to you instead. 🍷 Trust literally no one because he worries that you’ll realise that they are better than him (Dazai never helped with that considering his teasing or Chuya’s physical attributes and personality.) 🍷 Chuya was always there in some capacity, so it was rare that anyone flirted with you but it happened sometimes. 🍷 This guy must have had a death wish because he could see Chuya, he could feel Chuya glaring at him.
You were out looking for a new pair of gloves, you had managed to completely ruin your old ones on your most recent mission “what do you think, fingers or no fingers?” You asked as you held up one hand with the leather fingerless gloves and the other with a normal set of gloves. Chuya looked at you. “Does that matter?” He asked. “Come on answer!” You whined and he rolled his eyes. “I think the fingerless ones look great on you.” A guy called over, you looked over at him and he smiled. “Really?” You asked, holding your hand in front of you. “Mmm.” He hummed “I can show you some other stuff that goes well with them.” “Like hell you can.” Chuya grumbled as he reached out, grabbing your hand and stopping you from walking towards the man. “What’s wrong?” You asked. “What do you mena what’s wrong?” Chuya asked. “He’s flirting with you.” “Are you flirting with me?” You asked. “Do you want me to be?” The guy asked and you looked at him tilting your head to the side. “He’s my boyfriend.” You mumbled pointing at Chuya who was glaring at the man before you even realised what happened. Chuya delivered a hard punch to the guy's face, he recoiled and disappeared holding his bleeding nose. “You didn’t need to do that.” “I did.” He argued “get the other gloves.” “Why?” You asked. “They match mine.” He answered, you couldn’t see his face but you were sure that he was blushing, you discarded the fingerless glove and picked up the other glove to make a pair before heading over to the cash register to pay, while Chuya followed after like a guard Chihuahua until you left.
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Atsushi Nakajima
🐅 Atsushi honestly doesn’t believe that he deserves you, so when people start flirting two things happen, he gets worried and then he gets angry. 🐅 He never outwardly tries to stop anything from happening, he wants to trust that you are going to come back to him and you always do. 🐅 He does keep an eye on you though in case someone gets too handsy or too pushy. 🐅 As he became more in tune with the tiger inside of him it became harder to ignore someone trying to take you away from him.
You were questioning the witnesses for the most recent case that you were on, you had both split up to try and cover as many people as you could, you started talking to a guy, Atsushi had hoped that he would get to him first he didn’t like the look of him and the feeling only increased as he watched him interact with you, he leaned too close, talked with a slimy smirk on his face and touched your arm constantly. Before he knew what he was doing he walked over. “Is everything okay?” Atsushi asked and you looked back at him and smiled. “Yeah everything is fine.” You nodded. “Have you gotten anything?” He asked. “No one knows anything so far, but uh this guy was about to tell me something he said that he wanted something in return.” You explained. “What do you want?” Atsushi asked. “Just a date?” He answered, you both looked at him, Atsushi wasn’t surprised given the obvious flirting but you seemed blind sided. “Um-” “Come on, I’m sure that I can show you a good time.” He smirked as he leaned forward, and Atsushi pushed him back slightly. “What the hell is your problem?” The guy asked. “Back off.” Atsushi ordered. “Let her answer. You can answer for yourself right sweetheart?” “He’s my boyfriend.” You answered, the man in front of you frowned. “If you didn’t want to go on a date with me, you don’t need to lie to me.” He stormed away, you stepped forward but Atsushi stopped you. “Don’t worry he doesn’t need to believe it.” He said, guiding you away from the guy and back to work.
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Ryunosuke Akutagawa
🧥 Akutagawa was arrogant about a lot of things but when it came to relationships he made sure that it was clear what was going on. 🧥 He’s a dangerous individual that flies off the handle at the smallest thing but that’s the only indication that he cares about whatever is happening, he’s bad at expressing how much he cares for you which often leads people to think that you're just friends or even siblings when you are out together. 🧥 Akutagawa had gotten used to getting rid of all his problems by erasing their existence but that was difficult to do in the middle of a cafe that you had decided to get a drink at. 🧥 So instead he gritted his teeth and waited for you to correct what was happening but he quickly realised that you didn’t even realise what it was that was happening.
You were talking to the waiter but you didn’t seem to realise the obvious flirting, Akutagawa’s leg was bouncing under the table and glared at the menu in front of him “‘Gawa have you decided what you want?” You asked, he cleared his throat and quickly gave his order before going back to glaring at the table. “Is something wrong?” “There should be.” He answered, you looked at him and frowned. “What do you mean?” You asked, tipping your head to the side and he rolled his eyes. “He’s flirting with you.” Akutagawa answered. “He is?” You asked. “Yes he is.” Akutagawa said as you leaned forward. “Are you jealous?” You asked. “…You can’t tell when someone is flirting with you but you know the concept of jealousy… Of course.” Akutagawa rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his chair, you moved from your seat across from him and sat next to him instead. “You wouldn’t have to be jealous if you’d just sit next to me or hold my hand sometimes.” You shrugged and he narrowed his eyes but before he could say anything the waiter came back over he put your drinks on the table, you both noticed the small piece of paper under your cup. “Take that back.” Akutagawa ordered, referring to the paper as you lifted the cup. “What are you talking about?” He asked. “This.” You answered, passing him back the paper which you were both sure had his number on it. “He’s my boyfriend.” The waiter walked away without saying anything else and Akutagawa seemed to relax after that gently playing with the fingers of the hand that was closest to him as you talked about something he was only vaguely listening to.
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Request Here!!
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frecklystars · 6 days
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Hi, I need some help if anyone has advice or something. Or even just a “that’s rough buddy”
Last night I had one of the worst breakdowns I’ve had in a long time bc I saw a commission of my abuser with stsc. She commissions artists just about every single day of herself with TF characters, so I always avoid the tumblr search tags. Even non-TF artists I feel wary of bc it doesn’t matter, if you’re an artist and your comms are open, she will buy from you and it’s always her self insert/OC. I never look up self shipping or transformers or anything like that in the tumblr search. I never interact with anything she’s a part of. But this time I was simply searching up something entirely unrelated in a browser, and she just - she showed up. She fucking showed up! All of this time I take to be so careful, to limit my tumblr experience drastically just to protect myself, and yet I still see her. I cannot believe how easy it is to find my abuser floating around online because she commissions people every single day. I wasn’t even on tumblr and I still managed to see her. It was just… Google images. No keywords that could have possibly led to me seeing that, but she showed up as one of the first results in the images and I just. had the worst reaction ever. Understandably
It was her pink OC, and very long story I won’t bother you with, my abuser’s pink OC is the reason why the color pink became a cptsd trigger for me in 2022, and I was really struggling with that shit when it was fresh. Obviously I got better with it because uh, I’m a Barbie blog now, but I still have my bad days with it and I’ve never been fully okay with pink. I never feel fully “safe” around it. Which sucks. But I was at the point where I could tolerate it. Well, until now 😭 ugh
Seeing my abuser was already a big shock, obviously horrible. Seeing my abuser be lovey and soft with stsc was also really horrible. But seeing the pink and immediately my brain saying “oh look it’s pink, that’s dangerous, but maybe it’s Barbie pi— ohhh nooo, that’s your abuser, she’s right there!!! That’s her!!! In the pink!!! I told you pink was a trigger!!! You’re in danger now you’re gonna die!!!” makes me feel like I’ve gone backwards in my healing process and I’m afraid that’s irreversible. I know healing isn’t linear and I know setbacks are normal, but this feels different. It was Barbie pink, like the hot magenta color you see on the album cover? I feel sick typing this jfc. My abuser is now associated with Barbie pink in my brain. I don’t know how to fix this. It used to be more of a milky pink that would bother me bc THAT is what her OC color used to be, but now apparently she’s? Barbie pink???? And a paranoid part of me believes she might have changed it on purpose just to fuck with me because she knows I see her commissions everywhere I go, because one of our last conversations we ever had was her saying she was fully aware how much her own s/i was a trigger for me. This is so much worse bc now every time I see Barbie Pink I’m not gonna think of Barbie! I’m thinking of the person who nearly fucking killed me multiple times!
I was doing soo much better with my pink trigger. I associated pink with how safe and loved Barbie and Ken make me feel. The hot magenta Barbie Pink made me feel the safest because that’s LITERALLY Barbie pink. I would still get tense seeing it but then I’d immediately say to myself “that’s Barbie pink. That’s Barbies color. Barbie would never let my abuser come near me, because she’s a girls girl, and she’s smart, she would not allow herself to be manipulated, she’d keep me safe” etc etc. and I would almost immediately be totally fine with looking at the color, my tense feeling would melt away most of the time. i was doing so much better but now it’s like this is ruining all of my progress. My abuser’s main color now is Barbie pink and I feel really sick.
I’m extremely shaken up over not just seeing my abuser again, in a commission no less (which she’d often use against me, so seeing TF commissions of any sort give me bad reactions, hence why I don’t even look at TF fanart whatsoever even if I wasn’t triggered by the actual franchise) but also seeing the very Thing that turned pink into a trigger in the first place. I feel very hopeless bc I miss stsc but seeing him be romantic in a commission with my abuser, on top of the trauma associated with him just in general because of said abuser, makes me feel so impossible to reach him. So not only do I feel hopeless and miss my starlight so fucking badly, as I do everyday, but now I feel worse with the color pink. I don’t want this to ruin Barbie for me. I don’t want to be scared of the very thing that was helping me heal this far.
I don’t know how to fix this. I’m hoping I will eventually bounce back from this major trigger of seeing my abuser AND tf together, like this was a triple hit on me, had three major triggers in one image — I’m just hoping I’ll… move on?? And then maybe pink will go back to being tolerable again? But I’m scared it won’t. I’m scared I really cannot heal no matter what I try to do
Anyway idk what kind of advice I’m even asking for, maybe reassurance that it’s gonna be ok. Or something 😔 literally anything helps I don’t care WHAT it is, if anyone can spare something nice in my inbox or the replies, I will super appreciate it
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