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dropsofletters · 9 months

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sorry, who is mark lee?

—SUMMARY: she swore up and down on the night of her graduation as a doctor that she would never work with dr. mark lee. not under any setting. after all, she’s not here for people who get everything served on a silver platter just for being…nice?

however, years after their graduation, mark comes back into her life not brushing his hair and talking about a new project that they are supposedly going to be working on for the next three weeks, and all hopes of not working with him die down when she realizes…maybe, she had not truly known who he was.

sorry, but who the hell is mark lee?

—TITLE: sorry, who is mark lee?

—PAIRING: mark lee x reader

—GENRE: med school!au ; doctor!au ; neurosurgery resident!au ; gyn-ob resident!au ; enemies to friends to lovers!au ; idiots in love!au ; slowburn kind of.

—WORD COUNT: 12,000 words

—TYPE: fluff; humor; extra layer of fluff; angst

Heart wounded tight against her ribcage, she sits front row for the grand opening of a new chapter in her life. She relays perfectly still, wearing what Yoonoh had once called the ‘boring gray dress’ that she dreamed of having on for her graduation. Finally, as her pulse quickens, she is one step away from being called a title that holds so much interest and weight to her—to be able to put a name to everything she studied, to be recognized as such to the eyes of the world. For her, being a doctor is like exchanging identities, all the trials and errors coming to the flourishment of a new person ahead of her.

Now, the title that reads off her name and gives a certification to all the years she spent in between textbooks, needles and round-ups with doctors asking her endless questions, lays in between her fingers. Digits spreading against the tube with trembling motions, feeling the need to drop dead right at that moment. Yoonoh promised that he’d record the exact moment in which it happens. Her, called to the stage again, to give a speech to the rest of the graduates as the best grade of the entire career.

She had given it her all, though it wasn’t always the result she wanted on a piece of paper that weighted her will and thrive to continue down this path of endless studying. However, the road seemed a bit brighter now. Yoonoh, her best friend, sits right beside her—for, her family couldn’t make it because of the winter that had surpassed the city—, holding that pompous camera that he bought on a brim online as he sits on the edge of his chair. His caramel brown hair is pushed back, long nose crinkled as he squints one eye into the lens of the camera, pointing it towards the stage.

“It’s happening.” She mumbles, watching one of her cardiology professors—and representative of this graduation event—slip into the stage. He’s an old man, eyes wrinkled and lids heavier, though still wearing polished suits and raking a faint smell of the whiskey that, word has it, he’s been very familiar and all too lost in nowadays. She presses one hand to Yoonoh’s shoulder, the other weaving over her graduation cap, smiling as she bites on her bottom lip, holding in all the excitement that bubbles up from within her.

“Do you want me to record him or you?” Yoonoh is just as excited. Funny thing is, Yoonoh has been her best friend ever since they were neighbors back when they were just children. He surpasses her in age the slightest, not too much to make a difference, so he tried to protect her on the playground near their homes as ‘the older one’. As of now, she has to protect her friends from dating Jung Yoonoh. He has an eye for a med student.

“Him.”

“This group of people we have right here…” The cardiologist, Mr. Yoon, says as he inspects the groups of people. She remembers telling them off on their lack of studying back when they were rotating with him, nonetheless, now he smiles at the crowd. “Are all winners. I don’t see a single person in this room that I am not proud to say is my colleague now.” Those words flutter her heart, making her cling onto her hat the slightest. She’d throw it in the air now if she could, and get on that stage to read off the notes that she had oh-so-diligently practiced in front of the mirror. “I meet plenty of people every day. That’s the perk of being a doctor. You meet everyone to an extent that is universally deep, even your students. You see their hardship, tears, their biggest errors, their questioning and their will to try again. You either see them lose themselves or grow because of you. Good diamonds are made under pressure, and…” He trails his voice, taking off his glasses and rubbing at one eye before putting them on again. “There is one person that was already such a bright diamond. I remember the first time I got an answer in a grand round from this person and I was…sure about the kind of doctor I would have in front of me one day.”

“Fuck.” Yoonoh mumbles, smiling in a way that presents the dimples on his cheeks, before it happens. Just as her best friend is grasping her hand that had been on his shoulder, Dr. Yoon announces what she thinks is the winner of this entire race that is medicine.

“Doctors, family, friends, may I present to you the graduate with the highest graduation score.” Dr. Yoon smiles, extending a hand towards the screen behind him before his lips part to say what she had once imagined to be a dream, but has now turned into her grandest nightmare. “Please, let’s call to the stage Dr. Mark Lee. Let’s give him a round of applause. Dr. Lee, I know you’re there.”

Her world freezes.

She doesn’t know the precise quantifications, but a university student—much more in med school—should read more than a million words in order to be, somewhat, knowledgeable in his career. She spent day and night, losing her eyesight, blurring her sclerotic while looking at a laptop, writing notes time and time again, repeating stories written about patients, stammering through words just to get the answer out. She had tried so hard, wished for it and hunted for a dream that never happened.

“Stop recording.” She tells Yoonoh, spreading a hand on top of the lens when she realizes that it’s pointed towards her. The deception of not getting the first spot spread right in the main screen of the video that she planned on playing to her family when she went back home.

“I—I can’t. I’m trying.” Yoonoh stutters, giving the camera a few smacks to no avail. Both their gazes turn to the stage when they hear the cheering that follows after one of the two hundred graduates in the med field in this event. His black hair is parted in a comma hairstyle, from what she can tell by the little strand that peeks from under his cap. The gown is a little too long on him, cheeks dipped in what would be a childish smile as he shakes Dr. Yoon’s hand. She had seen this guy around, never coinciding in a grand round or talking through night shifts, but the face was definitely familiar. His eyes are twinkling when he reaches the podium, grasping the edges until his knuckles turn white.

She’s ready to stand up from her spot and leave, adding: “I’m leaving.” In a whisper that could only be heard by Yoonoh, but her best friend clasps a hand onto her forearm, dragging her down.

“The fact that you didn’t get first spot doesn’t mean you don’t get to celebrate your graduation. Stop pestering your mind when you’ve already reached so much. It’s your best day.”

“It’s not how I wanted it to go.”

“You’re still a doctor.” Yoonoh tugs her closer by her shoulder, practically pressing her into spot, unwilling to let her move.

Whoever Mark Lee is as a person doesn’t interest her. As he stands in the podium, stammering and stuttering to let out words in between a bunch of ‘uh’ and ‘well…’, she thinks that he may be the antagonist that she never expected to have. Clearly, he hadn’t prepared, and would it be so bad for her to feel envious towards what he is having right now? Sure, she’s not a woman of attention, always ready to keep her circle closed and straight to the point with the people whom she talked to and believed in, but she wanted her last moment in between those crowd of people that competed one against the other to be memorable. For her to say, in between all odds, that she had won.

Anyone who saw her would think that the tears in her eyes are out of emotion because of the speech Mark is giving, however, she’s tired. Of trying and never succeeding, so when the crowd goes crazy for, now, Dr. Lee, she proclaims him her biggest enemy, even when he doesn’t know her.

Tangled fingers in threads of hair, elbows propped on the desk where the medical records she had been working on are written and set in a handwriting that leaves much to the imagination, she wonders why she always likes difficulty. After the big failure of not even remotely called out as good when she graduated, venturing into the world of the easiest and perhaps, the most tranquil specialization and residency should have been her first thought. However, after years of not shutting an eye properly, and getting used to it like a toxic relationship does at most occasions, she decided it would have been a great idea to, two years later, become a full-time resident in the gynecology and obstetrics department. Where, sometimes, a woman just decides to pop by with her fetus almost popping out of her, because seven kids later…and the contractions aren’t quite as strong as they were with the first baby.

The problem relies on the fact that sleep deprived and thriving off coffee is not her best conceptualization of herself. She has attended seven births in what has been just twenty-one hours and, as a matter of fact, she was an observer in three c-sections. The problem is that, as a first-year resident, she’s asked to do most of the work. Hand wringed around a pen, and fingertips gliding across the keyboard to finalize the paperwork is something that she’s used to. As the third-year resident and the night shift’s boss, as well as her coworker, Dr. Johnny Suh, had decided to take a nap now that the seashore had died down a little, waves subsided because of teamwork.

All of this just to say that she needs sleep, if she doesn’t want to drool on all the graphics that include important details of the procedures that had taken place.

She had been nice enough to ask the interns to go sleep, but now that she’s alone, she’s not even in the mood to listen to music. Could keep her awake, but at what cost? All she needs at this moment is a tight shower that lets her glide a sponge on the deep crevices of her hands and a fluffy pillow that a hospital bed cannot provide, but her mattress back at home invites her to try. Only a few more hours and she can, after she finishes her work, go back to her apartment. Hoping that her roommate doesn’t decide to be an absolute ass the rest of the morning.

The problem is that when a night shift is far too quiet, it can only mean trouble. Much to her distaste, the sound of the emergency doors sliding open with a stretcher-bearer not following far behind is the notice that makes her stand up from her desk and hate this night. Not her job. God, providing some kind of relief to her patients is the only thing that keeps her awake, but when she expects to see a woman in her thirties perhaps being a few centimeters into birth, she’s received by a woman in her seventies, very clearly in pain.

“Doctor, this woman got to the emergency room bleeding.” The stretcher-bearer adds, rubbing his hands together, ready to take the next step.

With a frown to her features and a quick inspection to check skin—not too pale to consider the bleeding to be chronic—, and definitely still with even breathing and signs of being hydrated, she believes this could be something that happened very soon. “Put her on the examination bed.” The bearer does as he’s told, and while she’s being moved around, she sighs deeply. “Night, Miss. I’m the doctor of the shift tonight. Do you mind telling me what happened?”

Cheeks tinged red, the old woman looks to the side and huffs. “I—I just started bleeding.”

“Alright,” Though she’s not convinced, she thanks the bearer with a nod of her head and then, hums. The nurses don’t seem to be anywhere around her, so she starts moving around the room, waiting for the man to leave—which is done fairly quickly—to start looking for her gloves and speculum. “Do you have a history of endometriosis, fibroids, abnormal bleeding?”

The patient shakes her head. “Not at all.”

“How many kids?”

“Four.”

“All vaginal births?”

“One c-section. The rest were birthed.”

“Did you hit yourself, per chance?” She asks, sparing a look at the woman after fixing the inspection light. “I know this could be a little invasive, so I ask for your permission to have your clothes taken off so I can inspect with a speculum and vaginal palpation to see where the bleeding comes from.”

The patient trembles when she sits up, slowly taking off her pants and speaking to her while she does so. “No.” She responds, though something shifts within her. Perhaps, the delicacy and seriousness of her tone had been enough to grant the patient some kind of relief, because the patient toys with her hands, looking up at the ceiling as she drags herself to the proper position to be examined in. “Doctor…I…I was having sex with my partner. The bleeding started after a special position—”

Bingo.

The problem relays after she gets to the diagnosis. A cervical tear that must be taken to the operating room as soon as possible. Johnny gets there in the matter of seconds, only for the nurses to still be gone. The patient needed attention provided by them, and she knows there are around four or five nurses only for the Gyn-Ob night shift willing—or pressed—to work. None in sight, leading her to having to lurk through the hospital, through chilling corridors in bone white that breathe out the scent of isopropyl alcohol and iodine.

Once she reaches the nurses’ office, she’s surprised to see them gathered. At this hour of the midnight, grabbing bites of pizza and speaking to none other than a man whom she knows fairly well. Not personally, but she’d recognize that face just about anywhere. Mark Lee has let his hair grow the slightest, the black strands peaking from under his surgery cap, eyes dotted in tiredness behind rounded glasses. There are bags under his eyes and he smells like he has used cautery pen, a little bit like burnt meat. He has one leg crossed over the other, surgical gown opened in the back, munching on a pepperoni slice with all the tranquility in the world as he laughs along with the other older-aged women.

She clears her throat, making them jump and slicing through the lively conversation that they had been having with the super smart asshole, as she calls him, in his first year as a neurosurgery resident. “Oh, what a blessing. We have all my nurses here with Dr. Lee instead of attending the emergency that just got here. I have a seventy-six-year-old woman waiting for an IV line and for her surgical gown so we can fix her cervix tear. And our specialist is about to wake up, so we need to do it fast.”

She may not be the sweetest of residents, but she’s efficient. The oldest nurse, Mrs. Kang, yawns as she tosses what was left of her pizza on a plate. “Doctor, don’t get angry with us. I know it’s late, but we hadn’t eaten and Dr. Lee also hadn’t grabbed a bite.”

Oh, she knows. He had been operating since two in the afternoon. Lucky him that gets pushed into the operating room in his first year, while she’s Johnny’s little assistant. She does it with glee, for…various reasons. “You can’t all leave the emergency room. I was alone.”

“You’ve always done well alone.” Another nurse says and she glares at them.

“I know, but I shouldn’t be doing your job.”

Mark coughs a bit in his hand, and he’s looking at everyone with tension in his eyes. Irises trembling, legs now unfolded, and looking a bit stiff. “It’s my fault.”

Mrs. Kang gasps. “Not a chance! We’re just weak for your pretty little face and we wanted to share with you.”

Of course, everyone wants to share with Mark Lee, but not with her. “Dr. Lee,” She tells him, for she had been waiting for the perfect moment to pierce through his pride like he did with hers. Her chin juts forward, staring through the bottom of her lashes before speaking up: “I would be very happy if you didn’t steal all my healthcare workers to share pizza slices with you. Everyone speaks about how smart and good-looking you are, but here, we need to be respectful. Above all.”

“I understand.” Though, Mark has an air of innocence to him. Everyone sees him like a cloud in a world of pebbles, soft and kind, and she almost ate it up when he grabbed a slice from the box just as he says: “Would you like a slice? I watched you as I got out of the surgery room and you looked like you hadn’t eaten the slightest.”

She hasn’t, but she won’t admit to fucking Mark Lee that she was starving and perhaps, just about to cry.

She wants to grab it, but ugh—that would be losing against him, isn’t it?

Mrs. Kang is, luckily, loud enough to awaken her from the glare she has casted upon Mark’s face. He has dimples that form even when he is just speaking, slim eyebrows and tall cheekbones, a fold on his bottom lip that creates a shadow inviting in this nice lighting. “Aw, c’mon, Doctor, how could you be mad at Dr. Lee?”

“Could we just please hurry up the work so we can stop that poor patient’s bleeding, please?” She asks, closing her eyes tightly, torn away from that hypnotization that Mark Lee somehow does so well.

“Alright, come with me.”

Thankfully, she turns around and doesn’t have to look Mark Lee in the eye again. That’s how he gets people, portraying that sweet and innocent face that probably gets too many opportunities just for that alone. The least she needs is to be like the nurses going crazy over him. She won’t fall for the whole persona Mark has constructed.

Her laptop is about to die. Or she is about to die. Whatever happens next. Who knows?

Johnny, on the other hand, has decided that it is appropriate to just sit on the desk of their shared office—just for residents—, more like lay on it, as she types away on the presentation she’s preparing, keeping it as developed and actualized as possible. However, the topic that she should be presenting on the congress that the hospital will be hosting in their fiftieth anniversary is still a bit loose. In the sense that it hasn’t been approved, and she’s not quite sure if being granted Johnny’s spot is any better.

Locks of black hair cascade on each side of his face and she can only get distracted from her job by one person only. It’s a bit stupid that she was once Johnny’s intern, as he was fresh in the residency, and now they are colleagues. Back then, she never thought she’d hold a crush on someone so…basically loved. Everyone could fall for Johnny, but now that she knows him, she envies and likes him at the same time. Never breaking a sweat, dangerously threading through portions of her heart that she deemed unvisited for many years.

“Why didn’t you want to do this presentation?”

“I am not a great public talker. Or well, I am, I just don’t like doing it.” Johnny sits up, clearing his throat in a way that has her scrunching her nose the slightest. Okay, that wasn’t really attractive. He sniffles soon after. “…And I may be catching a cold, so the first person I thought about was you. You’re, like, the smartest one of our residency and you’re just beginning.”

Maybe, that’s why she likes him so much. It has been a while since someone has truly told her something of that kind, and she’s starting to believe that intelligence is not really her most fitted dress. However, sweet words won’t take away the stress she feels. “More of a reason for me to doubt you. First year residents are torn to shreds in congresses. Could you have—?”

“Taken this choice just to ruin something special for you? Jesus, I’m an asshole, but I graduated as a doctor. I have to have a bit of human in me. Within me. Not like in me. I don’t have anyone in me.” Johnny speaks a little too much before dropping off from the desk. Just when he’s about to say something else, her laugh is cut off by someone knocking on the door and before Johnny could even invite whoever is there in, a head pops through the small slit that was caused by the door being opened.

Lord and heavens. What kind of karma is she paying? Did she step on a puppy a little too hard or did she steal someone’s boyfriend? Because none other than Dr. Mark Lee is standing by the door, sporting that coat that he always wears and is a little too big on his bodies. His ties are a tad shorter than what they should and alongside Johnny, he looks frankly small. In confidence and, also, in height.

Judging by how close they are as Johnny hugs him.

“Dude, I’m totally freaking out.” Mark speaks a little too quickly and Johnny clicks his tongue.

“You’ll do fine. What kind of neuroscience shit are they having you talk about?”

Oh, she’s not even going to pretend like she’s surprised. She expected Mark to be invited as a spokesperson in the event. Everyone adores him, and he has also been one of the leaders of the theorical science studying team in the hospital for the past year. Of course, she understands him being picked. Nonetheless, when he widens his eyes towards her, she knows something is wrong. As in, for her.

“Oh, actually, that’s why I came here.” Mark stumbles, turning to look at her and lifting two fingers in the air as a form of a greeting. She only gives him a curt nod. “…Dr. Hong told me early this morning that you should check your emails more constantly. I was informed that we are going to present a study on the use of antiepileptics in eclampsia.”

No. No fucking way.

She can work with him in the same hospital meters away, but the way her ego would be torn just by sharing a stage with Mark alone is not something she wants to go through. Words will mingle across the room; with people saying that he’s better than her and that he had once won over her. She knows how people adore Mark Lee, and how gray she is in a world filled with color.

“Anticonvulsants? With you?” She questions, standing up and spreading her hands across the desk. She feels a little tense thanks to the skirt she had pressured herself to wear instead of her usual scrubs, just because she wanted to feel pretty and professional. Mark’s eyes gravitate towards her legs and she swears she sees a blush flying to his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Dr. Lee, but I already have a presentation that I have talked about with Dr. Hong.” The owner of the hospital, mind her.

“Yes, about eclampsia, but considering I am going to talk about antiepileptics and people rarely know the proper and organized treatment and ladder of management for pregnancy, I think it could be amazing to present—”

“Us two?”

“Yes.” Mark stops, sparing a glance towards Johnny from the corner of his eye. Silence basks them for a second before he asks: “Is there a problem I should be aware of…or that I am missing out on?”

She sighs deeply. Okay, this is the moment she sits Mark on a chair the same way she had been planted on one when she had lost her biggest goal to him. She spares Johnny the benefit of gossiping about this. “Dr. Suh, could you please wait for us outside? I have some matters to talk about with Dr. Lee.”

She rounds the table by the time Johnny adds: “Shit, and just when things were about to get saucy.” Johnny does as she says, however, opening the door and disappearing with a swoosh of his lab coat. Mark just stands there, looking like a lost deer in the headlights, black hair still not pushed back with enough gel to make him look perfectly polished and professional.

“So…” Mark trails and she chuckles sarcastically at his words.

“Yes, I have a problem with you.” She tells. “I didn’t know about your existence before, Dr. Lee, with all due respect and you decided to show yourself up the one time you shouldn’t have. You’ve been granted everything in a silver-platter and while we had almost the same score when graduating, people just loved you more for speaking in front of everybody. ‘Cause you are sweet and like a boy-next-door, but that’s not what medicine is about. This is about hardships, still trying, and succeeding at the end. It’s about being strong enough to study and make people survive.”

Mark raises his eyebrows at that moment, gaping at her words before shaking his head. “Let me understand this well.” He internalizes her words before splaying a hand on his chest. “I am truly sorry you feel like that, but I also tried hard. The fact that I have not grown bitter over the career doesn’t mean I don’t care about it, or that I don’t have to study like a madman every single day.”

“I can’t even shine by my own because I have to be your little shadow.” She tosses, only to have Mark shrugging.

“You’ll shine! I’m not here to make you feel any less. Geez, you’ve created this competition out of nowhere.”

Of course, Mark is always eager to make himself look more caring and sweet. She understands that he may be so, but to her, Mark doesn’t care about her the slightest bit. He’s just overrated, over the top, a little too dull for her to feel fine with losing to him.

“Well, if we’re going to talk about anticonvulsants—”

“Antiepileptics.”

“Jesus, can you let me talk for once?!” She raises her voice, only to have Mark crossing his arms over his chest.

“If we’re going to work together, you have to understand something. You know more about pregnancy than I do. I know more about the human brain than you do. And that’s just factual of specialization. If not, they wouldn’t exist.” He tells her, and for a reason, whenever he is granting information regarding his career, Mark’s voice turns deeper and sulkier. Why is she even listening to him this closely? “I say antiepileptics because the term anticonvulsant is no longer user, or not proper to use. Eclampsia counts as a cause of epilepsy.”

She sighs through her nose, pressing two fingers to her temple. “Alright. Antiepileptics. If we’re going to do this together, you…have to understand that I’m not used to getting along with you and I haven’t…thought about getting along with you. So, we’ll do our best to make a great presentation, and we’ll listen to each other as closely as we can without constantly interrupting ourselves. Am I correct?”

“Never planned on doing anything different.” Mark whispers, frowning deeply when they hear a bang against the wooden door. “Someone’s there.”

“Johnny!” She screeches, only to heard another bang against the door.

“Sorry, I fell!”

“Why are you listening through the door?”

“Who said I was?!”

“You’re listening right now.”

Then, the conversation goes dead silent.

“Fine.” Mark says.

“Fine.” She repeats, only to watch him open the door and that alone has her relaxing all the muscles in her body.

This will be the most horrible set of three weeks ever.

Mark can’t work in hospital settings, so he says. Yet, when he invites her to a packed-up park, the least she expects him is to see seated on a picnic cloth, wearing an oversized tank-top and reading from a neurology textbook with frowned eyebrows and squinted eyes. Even when his glasses are supposed to better his eyesight, he still has a hard time reading, it seems. The paper he has under his thigh, not even propped anywhere to be kept in place, holds scribbles of notes that he probably will forget about sooner or later. However, she inspects him from afar as she holds onto her backpack. Mark’s cheekbones tinge pink at the mere touch of the sun, short eyelashes glammed-up by the caress of the sunrays that pass by the tree over him. He has prepared some meals, too, from what she can see.

Next to him are two containers with what she can judge is bibimbap, and she wants to do nothing more than run away. Men are easier to understand when they don’t care about being nice, or people as a whole, as a matter of fact. She has never known someone that has truly been nice without expecting anything in return, and while Mark is now aware that she is not entirely pleased by his presence, he still tries to be…human.

“I wonder, sometimes, if you know about the existence of a hairbrush.” She whispers, though she doesn’t say it in a condescending way. A palm of hers splays on top of his hair, not even pushed back by gel, but messed up by the wind that tangles it in small waves. Then, she takes off her cap and places it on top of her head, only to have Mark looking up, eyes squinted because of the sunrays that probably surround her like a halo.

“I’m too lazy to do anything to it.” He says, though he doesn’t take off the cap. Instead, he turns the book around. Who would have thought Mark was a little bit of a nerd? “Did you know that magnesium sulfate is the first treatment that pops up to our heads when thinking of eclampsia, but that it is not the first line if we consider the antiepileptic treatments that are out there?”

“I stand by magnesium sulfate, and you’re not going to steal that away from me, Dr. Lee.”

“Mark.” He corrects, putting the textbook down as she sits. She looks at the pink cap on top of his head and she almost wants to laugh. He looks…innocent. “And as an obstetrician, you do. But as a neurosurgeon, I have to tell you you’re wrong.”

“Mark…”

“What?”

“We said no correcting.”

“You never said that. You said no interrupting.”

“Okay, let me read that book.”

The afternoon relays on the beauty of summer, August coming with the pressure of success as midterms arise in their residencies. However, for a moment, they are just two people studying together. She was right, though Mark doesn’t do much introduction to the meals he brought other than he made them, and while the pieces of meat he added are a bit burnt, she still eats with glee. Reading off the textbook Mark had brought while he’s lurking in his laptop and fixing their presentation, she starts to learn more from what he knows. The insight he has in the new, always lurking to be the difference, igniting protocols, excelling in research, not following after what is told and older doctors expect them to repeat.

Of course, they have to follow after what they know is correct but Mark actually ponders why such treatments are used. At some point, as Mark reads off one of the pages, she’s typing down the information on a presentation and their shared Google Document, laying on the picnic cloth and wishing the hours didn’t pass by so quickly. Now, she’s hungry again, and that doesn’t help her concentration, mind fading as she looks at the way the strap of Mark’s shirt had fallen off one of his shoulders, back dusted in endless freckles. Too many not to be noticed.

Without noticing, or perhaps, without really meaning to, she extends a hand. The tip of her finger trails a constellation of freckles on his back, his voice haltering suddenly, turning around with a jump to his movements. When their eyes connect, she can only spurt out an apology, but Mark’s eyes are widened, pulling the strap up his shoulder and almost hiding his back.

“I—I didn’t mean to make you feel insecure. Sorry.” She tells him and she’s about to let it be, but the image pops inside her head once again. And for some reason, maybe medical curiousness, she wants to know more. “You have a lot of freckles.”

Mark laughs about it, flicking a page to the side. “I didn’t have that many. I got them throughout med school.”

Her heart hammers a bit against her chest, worrying. Sure, Mark is not her favorite person, but she still doesn’t wish for him to go through real pain. “Are they benign?”

“Oh, they are freckles. Nothing like nevus or anything of that kind.” Mark replies, sparing her a look before spreading his hand on the side of his face, casting another shadow other than the one on his bottom lip. “Where I studied before I got exchanged here was really hot, so I’d have to walk to university every single day. I got severely sunburnt, even when I wore layers and layers of clothes. The skin on my back just changed tones a bit, that’s all.”

He didn’t have it easy. Sure, she had her family that could take her to classes on the first few semesters, and then it was Yoonoh helping her. She never had to go through that, but she felt for him. “Oh…” She trails, sitting up and sighing. “That’s why you decided to exchange here?”

Mark hums. “…Not really. I just wanted something different. I like being here and there. No matter the hardships.” Though, he does push the brim of his glasses higher up his nose. “The library was just a plus in our university.”

“Nerd.”

“Have to be so to be successful, don’t I?” Mark stands up at that moment, cracking his back and closing his laptop, that she had put aside. “I think I’ll head home now. Need me to give you a ride back home?”

“No.” Though, for some reason, she wishes Mark would invite her dinner. She means…it’s not like she wants to spend more time with him, but if they were both hungry, they could take a trip to the next street, where she knows there is an excellent pizza place. “I brought my car. I’ll head back home if we’re not doing much else.”

“I’ll email you what I find.”

“Same.”

With that, they both go separate ways. As it should. As it has always been meant to be.

“Has it always been common notice to you that we share the same shift?”

She scrunches up her nose upon the arrival of Mark to her triage. Where she’s locked, like a tiger ridden of its will of roaring, while Johnny is out there operating and bringing babies into the world. Luckily for her, she had sorted out all the patients of the night and after making some quick work with the stories and checking in with the hospitalized patients, at two in the morning, she can finally sit down to grab a bite of…whatever her potato puree is now. A blob, most likely. Granted, this time of the night is also when Mark finalizes his operating sessions and while his eyebags are probably on the verge of falling to the floor to match the backpack he has left there, and it shouldn’t come as a surprise to her that she sees him…again.

It has been like that for the past month, and they have gotten to exchange a few words for the last two weeks, ever since they got paired in their presentation together. However, one of the interns is seated on the desk not too far away from them, with her cheek squished against the wooden surface and lulled into the perfect world of dreamland. Johnny would give her an earful for never making the interns do anything, but she’s certain of something—the sooner she gets to do her stuff, the earlier she’ll leave tomorrow.

“I substantially tried to avoid you the first few times I noticed you were around.” Mark pushes away the container that she had set on the desk, where she was hoping that the blob wasn’t going to make her throw up or even worse later on the…morning. Yes, it’s the morning now. Midnight. Whatever it is. “Hey, I was planning on eating that.”

“You were planning on eating what was probably rotten potato. I know we attend emergencies, but I’d rather avoid having you in gastroenterology later tonight.” He announces, dragging a seat towards her and making her shush him.

“The kid’s sleeping.”

“The kid was with me last semester. Carmen. You should probably make her do something.”

“Why?”

“She never does anything! She failed last semester and needs to do well in this one. Push her to be better—”

“Ah, I can’t change people.” Mark’s far too close, though he’s not making any effort on turning her uncomfortable. Instead, he props his glasses down on the table and now, she realizes it’s the first time she has seen him without those. His hair is a mess after taking his surgery cap off, eyes puffed out, eyebrows slim and yet, somehow messy because of his palms roaming over his features. She continues speaking, because somehow talking to the person she likes the least feels liberating. “As a student, I think your value comes from how hard you work, but it’s also highly subjective. I can’t push a student to do better if they don’t feel inspired by me, and that’s just what I think. It’s like women trying to change their husbands, for example. It’s never going to happen unless he feels the need to really change, you know?”

And talking about Carmen as if she wasn’t there is a bit rude, so she nudges his side with her elbow.

“What have you brought? I’m sure it’s just as rotten as my potatoes.”

“Nope. I ordered some sushi from a place nearby.” Mark tells, opening the bag and introducing two black plastic containers which lids he takes off. The scent of freshly cooked spices, vegetables and rice has her mouth salivating. God, when was the last time she had a proper meal today? “I think they forgot the wasabi. In your mind, that must mean they don’t want to put effort into their jobs so I shouldn’t call for them to bring me my wasabi or place a complaint.”

“Precisely. Don’t be a Karen, Mark.” She replies, earning a laugh from Mark that has her neck feeling heated. He doesn’t cover up the fact that he’s genuinely happy, baring all teeth, tossing his head back and letting out a high-pitched laugh. He doesn’t let the title of a doctor rid him of the happiness in which he lives his life in, and she envies that to the point she kind of feels relieved that not everyone goes through the same thing she does. “You bought some for me?”

Mark is already lost in the magic of eating late at night, munching on a slice of sushi and letting a sprinkle of rice end on the tip of his mouth. He doesn’t notice it and she battles the twitch of her fingers to flick that piece of food away. “Of course. You know, every time I go to the operation room, I see you here, trapped in this emergency room just making the shift work. You give it your all every second you can. I wouldn’t be surprised if you hadn’t eaten a thing.”

“Thank you.” She retaliates. God, the hospital had been so cold just mere seconds ago, but since the moment Mark arrived, it feels like summers has embarked inside its walls. “I’ll have you know a little fact. Doctors are the main patients that can get type two diabetes. We eat the worst, even when we recommend to our patients to do otherwise.”

Mark crinkles his nose. “I’ll have you know something.” He tilts his head to the side, and she tries to embark in her own food and not look at him. The lulling nature of his smile, and the softness that comes with the tone of his voice, all detonators of thoughts that shouldn’t pass her brain. They’ll present the information they have gathered in the hospital’s anniversary and that will be it for them. She promises it’s just that. “I hated intern medicine. Whenever I had to read the ADA articles, I felt like a part of me died a little. It’s just…it’s so…”

“Non-surgical.”

“Exactly.” She laughs at his words, to which he responds with a twinkle in his eyes that she wants to erase, like a towel on top of a stain, rubbing away until it’s gone. Not because she wants to take the spark that makes him be so bright, but because he is…dizzying and blinding to the point of no return sometimes.

“You’re also like that. Though, I don’t know why Johnny just…doesn’t let you operate with him. You’re amazing with birth-care, but there has to be more to it.” Mark insists and she tries not to think about it. Johnny just likes doing things his way, and that’s never been wrong. They work well together, though separated. “Don’t try to defend him.”

“What? I’m not talking.”

“I know you always protect him. Johnny has gotten in so much trouble around the hospital, for reasons that I won’t judge him for because he is my friend and I know he’s a good worker, no matter how lazy he can look,” Mark stops for a moment and without noticing, she’s staring at his lips again. That fucking rice should leave, shouldn’t it? “Uh, you’re like, kind of into him, aren’t you?”

Johnny? It’s a little complicated to tell these days. “He’s different from me.”

“And?”

“I like different.” Because she can’t truly live with someone who voices out what goes inside her brain. She needs brightness in what she considers a dulling ocean of midnight thoughts. “But not a chance, Mark. Not a chance.”

“Took you too long to deny.” Mark points out, before sighing. “I’m not saying he’s not into you, I don’t want to be the guy to—”

“But he isn’t.” She replies. She knows how Johnny Suh is. That doctor can have anyone within his pocket and he does so. She’s aware of how far this crush can go, and a relationship or even a hook-up is not it. “That doesn’t hurt me, Mark.”

“I’m not saying that.”

“Alright, I’m the one saying it.”

“Don’t be so rude to yourself.” Always positive, Mark stammers. “All I’m saying is that, as his pupil, he should invite you to the operation room more often. My higher-up resident invites me and that’s why—”

Without noticing, she’s flicking a thumb over his bottom lip, moving away the rice that had gathered there. Mark’s eyes widen, his hand spreading on top of her own and she recognizes then how close they are. She sees the twitch of his tongue as it gathers his bottom lip until he traps it in between his teeth and as the sweet mood-ruin person he is, he adds:

“Ah, I—Fuck, I was talking and I had something there all along? Shit. Fuck. Uh, hold on, I’m cussing, aren’t I?” Mark, without noticing, plops another slice of sushi inside his mouth and she tries not to snort out a laugh directly at his face. “You should’ve told me.”

“We were talking about other things.” The tips of his ears are tinged red, and maybe the internal summer she’s going through is also happening to Mark Lee. “You’re blushing.”

“Fuck no.”

“You never cuss. Do you curse when you’re nervous?”

“Who said I was nervous?”

“It doesn’t take being a rocket scientist to know.” She answers, though, she doesn’t want to mortify Mark any longer, picking at her own food before giving a bite. “Either way, don’t worry about that crush. I think it’s more…admiring what he is able to do without being as inside his head as I am in mine. It’s never going anywhere. I don’t want it to.”

Mark nods, and she thinks she broke him, because he doesn’t speak for the rest of their little dinner until she resurfaces the matter of their presentation and its preparation.

“Some sponsors are here, so I only want Mark to…you know, do the talking.”

Everyone adores Dr. Hong. He’s a neurosurgeon, head and owner of the hospital, and he was so at the mere age of fifty-two. Rather young for everything he has achieved and the textbooks he has written, she looks up to him even when she’s from a whole different field to his. However, as she wore her most elegant set of pants, flowing against recently shaven legs, along with a turtleneck that she had paid a little too much for, her shoulders fall at the sound of his voice. He’s sipping from his glass of water as people gather on their seats in the auditorium, and he says it in front of everyday, just so she doesn’t explode right at that moment.

Of course, he knows more about Mark as a student because he’s his own pupil. Nonetheless, he could have some shame. She had prepared with all the will and hardships in the world, balancing studying for her midterms and the presentation, while also investigating deeply with Mark almost every day. It’s no wonder that even Mark is a little surprised, and in the past, she would have thought he was fully aware of this. He pushes his classes to the top of his head, gasping at what Dr. Hong has just said.

“B—But…I can’t do it without her.”

“You should’ve learned both parts for the presentation.” Dr. Hong scolds, his bottle-bottom glasses making his eyes look significantly smaller. He smiles to one of the invites that briefly drops a hand on his shoulders before he’s returning to his hushed whispers with them. For a place so brightly decorated in balloons and signs in bright orange and yellow, she feels…hollow and mellow. “It’s nothing against you, darling, but people know more about Mark and his studies, and he’s more of an open personality. He’s the kind of sweet we need for an opener. Like a cocktail, you know?”

No, she doesn’t know shit about this. Because Mark gets opportunities that she doesn’t. Mark is already opening his mouth, spurting out: “It’s not fair. She worked just as hard as I did—”

Though, something that she has never gotten the benefit of, like Mark did and continues to do, is not to be disciplined. She tries to push a smile up her lips, but she’s sure it looks more like a mock. “I’d have to thank you for the opportunity, Dr. Hong, but then, I won’t stay. I haven’t…gotten enough sleep, so I’d rather leave right now.”

Dr. Hong trails his brown eyes over her features before giving her a half-hug that feels a bit forced. “I’m sorry for not telling you earlier, but you wouldn’t have worked as hard if I had done so, right?”

“Exactly, Dr. Hong. That’s how it is.” She spits out softly, giving him a curt bow before she turns around. She feels the corner of her eyes bottling up with tears, and she looks up in order not to let them fall. Familiar faces scatter across the rows of seats that feel endless, and she wishes she had gotten the chance to prove what she was made of. Maybe, another time, or that’s what she promises herself each time.

When getting out of the hospital’s auditorium, she feels the sudden need to take off her lab coat and heels right at that moment and cry like a baby just born in the world. However, as she rushes down the halls, she hears the sound of steps following after her, and she wants to say they are slow and just trying to reach the same destination as her per chance, but the elevator is within reach when Mark appears in front of her, hands extended to stop her from moving any father.

“Mark, could you move?”

“I’m not presenting that without you. You’re also the core of this investigation, I—” He’s rushed in the way he is speaking, and it surprises her that he has the heart to do what he does next. His palms gather her own in between his, trapping her and enticing their gazes to connect. Mark has the prettiest set of brown eyes, and when they are worried, they almost seem to gleam like diamonds. “Why…Why is it like this for you?”

“I guess that’s how the world works. I’m a woman, first and foremost. I’m more strong-willed than you are. I stick out like a sore thumb and being opinionated has never helped me much.” Saying those words out loud has tears dropping against her cheeks. Fuck, her makeup is ruined now. Hiccups escape her lips when she looks around, hoping that no more doctors arrive through those elevator doors just to see her cry. Fore-front, too. “Say mean shit to me, that way I’ll stop crying. God, I can’t believe I’m being such a pussy.”

“Hey…” Mark’s voice is softened, like the thumb he lets roam the brim of her knuckles. “I wouldn’t say anything mean to you. You…You hate me, for fuck’s sake, and I still wouldn’t think of you as anything more than worthy of being there more than I am. You’ve never gotten your chance to shine.”

“And I want to believe I never will, because it’s easier. Living life while being bitter just feels…more common to me.” She tells him, pushing at his chest and sighing. “Say I don’t deserve it, Mark. Just say it!”

“You do!” Mark replies, voice just as loud. She wants to shut him up, press those lips together and just let him look as handsome as he does right now, with a few buttons of his blue button down undone, gray suit clashing against the whiteness of his coat. “So please, get back in that auditorium. Let’s do things our way.”

“I…I can’t.” She responds, extending her back until her shoulders become straight, as if poised and entranced. “My pride doesn’t let me, and sure, I will probably never reach half the things you will while being like this…but if someone doesn’t want me there, I just won’t do it.”

“I want you here.”

“And when your vote counts, I hope you still wish for me to do so.” Just when she’s about to press the elevator’s button to watch the doors open, they are caught off guard. The doors do open, but a set of doctors plan on passing through by them. Mark moves quicker than she does when a small curse leaves her lips, pushing her until she’s relying on the wall, his body used as coverage as he drops his head and shelters her from the eyes of others. He is probably seeing the trails of mascara and the runny lipstick, but he doesn’t show his discomfort. Perhaps, he doesn’t feel so.

“Don’t move.”

“Don’t let them see me.” She replies, looking up at his eyes. Mark nods, though she sees the fraction of second of distraction that passes by his features. She wants to run her fingers through his hair, fix that goddamned strand that he always lets out, but that breath of connection is broken by the clearance of his throat as he gives one step back.

“They’ve left. And you’re leaving with me.” Mark complies, only to have her shaking her head.

“Not a chance.”

“I’ll carry you there.”

“You’re too shy and non-assertive to do such a thing, so I’m not worried.” Rubbing a hand against her eye and perhaps, ruining her makeup even more, she says: “Just go steal the show, Mark, you’ve done it time and time again. Why not do it now?”

“I know how much this means to you now. I didn’t…I didn’t know when we graduated just how much you care about education.”

“Well, shit just happens.” Before Mark could say anything else, she pops inside the elevator, hearing him bang his fists against the doors when she closes them with rushed fingertips against the buttons. Soon after, she’s sighing when dropping herself against the wall, looking up at the bright lightbulb and feeling more tears gathering and dropping. One by one, like her worries, piling up until she doesn’t know what to do with them.

Somehow, she can’t hate Mark at this moment. Not this time around. Yoonoh would probably laugh at her for giving Mark excuses for always getting her chances, but it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it, either. He may be the kind of person people want posing on pictures and being their doctor, and that’s something she has to live with. Not being his shadow, but also, not shining on her own. One day, it will come—and she hates that she’s thinking like this, because she’s starting to sound like Mark.

A month later.

She uses the pendant as a joke.

Dr. Hong wanted to apologize in some way or another—or so she wants to believe. Isn’t there something along the line of bosses being very political and not wanting to look bad in front of their workers?—, so he decided to give his staff necklaces as a gift. Necklaces and keychains, she forgets about that sometimes, but she’s reminded when she feels the new weight of a pendant against the lines of her palms. But, that’s not what she decided to sport ironically today, as she’s wearing her favorite pair of gray scrubs and a braid that she learned how to do on a TikTok video. The point is…that Dr. Hong must have made a mistake, because when he gave her the box that was supposed to hold her necklace with her name as a pendant, she got Mark’s instead.

Today is Thursday, a month after they were paired together to work on that presentation that was, according to the attendees, the best one to date coming from residents of this hospital. However, she doesn’t want to ponder back and forth on what could have been. Instead, she’s knowledgeable of the fact that Mark should be consulting his post-operation patients today. Hence, she pops through the neurosurgery portion of the hospital, greeting a few familiar faces with a nod of her head—and a swing of her hand against someone’s shoulder, when the newest intern and last year student, Na Jaemin, decides to give her a hug a little too tight and call her by name instead of doctor—, and clinging to the necklace as if it is her pride and joy.

She waits for the last patient to leave, and she remembers Mark talking about this case. An astrocytoma that he had extracted and was scared of the neurological outcome of the patient. Luckily for him, the patient was not walking on two feet, but when he pushed his wheel-chair away from the consulting room, he was talking to his partner. She smiles, pushing the door open once again and not missing the way Mark perks up at that moment, always eager to welcome his patients.

“Oh, Mr. Jude, did you happen to forget something—?” Mark stops on his tracks when he turns around, seeing her with a shit-eating grin that must be weird for him to look at. Through the other wall of the consulting room, the specialist must be working and examining the patients that Mark presents to him, but for now, only the two of them are left in this room. “…You’re happy.”

“I can be.” Though, she sprints and jumps a bit on her step as she moves closer to him. Mark is already speaking, not paying too much attention to her, just because he had seen her in these scrubs before.

“Dr. Hong made a huge mistake. I have this necklace that was supposed to go to you. But either way, how are you doing?” Mark’s unaware of the way she fidgets with the necklace around her neck, leaning back on his desk and looking through a few of the papers his handwriting his scribbled on, when she shrugs her shoulders.

“It’s okay. I am supposed to go check how the patients are doing upstairs and then, head back to the emergency room to check on a patient I had with a vaginal infection. Well, she contacted me outside the hospital and wanted some help because it’s recurrent, but whatever.” Once again, she wiggles her eyebrows at him. “Mark, I need you to look at me.”

“Yeah,” Mark’s, once again, lost in his thoughts, before he’s frowning. “You need me to look at you? Do you have anything? Oh God, how’s the Glasgow? Are you having memory loss?”

“No, dumbass.” She rolls her eyes, swinging the necklace back and forth. “What’s different?”

“The hair?” Mark snaps his fingers, happiness trailing after his smile. “It looks lighter!”

“No wonder you wear glasses.” She gets closer to him, still holding onto her necklace, and perhaps, Mark does have that medical eye that everyone prides him on, because a motion of his gaze across her body that electrifies the utmost recondite portions of her muscles has him squinting his eyes at the necklace and then, she full on laughs at his realization. “I knew I got the wrong necklace, but I thought it would be funny. It kind of looks like one of those couple things, doesn’t it? Like that Taylor Swift song—”

Mark’s pupils dilate, eyes darkened. As a matter of fact, she expected him to be a stuttering, sweating mess at this point. She must not know all sides of Mark Lee, precisely. His digits trace the necklace with just the tip before he’s engulfing the pendant in his palm. She looks at him, watching the even breathing, rising and falling of his thorax, followed by the purse of his lips and the eccentricity of the simplest of movements from his eyebrows. He rotates the pendant, studies it with fervor, before he tugs her closer by it. The skin of her nape arises in goosebumps, throat contracting in a thick swallow when she finally realizes that Mark is just not a cute, quite obnoxious and oblivious, guy that she can play around with.

There is a man in there.

The broadness of his shoulders, barriers to the smallness of his waist, clashing worlds that come together with the scent of his perfume and…is that an aftershave? Mark uses an aftershave?

Maybe, she had been unable to see what really made him so attractive to the rest of the world.

His chin perches up, looking at the necklace from underneath his eyelashes. “Don’t take it off.” He musters, deep from within his chest, rumbling in a vibrato that has the curve of her back deepening and transcending towards him.

“What?” Now she’s the one stammering, and it’s incredible that Mark has this kind of power.

“It looks…great on you.” And the way he toys with the silver material, rotating it in the axis of his index finger, has her aware of how awfully close the digit is to her skin, as if the desire to have that finger trailing down the column of her throat and towards the expanse of her chest is…unbearable.

Summer. He has brought summer to her face again. It’s not a blush, she swears.

“It has your name.”

“So what? It still looks amazing on you.” Mark recites, pulling away to hoist her chin in between his index and thumb before he moves her face from side to side.

“Do you have a fascination with necks, Mark?”

“Not that I know of. Could be my debut as a neck-fascinator, y’know.” He jokes around, and she would laugh if it wasn’t for the tightened knot in the pit of her chest. When he lets go of her, she feels like she can finally breathe, and why is that something that comes out as poor in comparison to the way his touch feels on her? “As much as I would like to keep talking to you, I have more patients waiting for me outside and…” He moves over to the door, and she’s eager to have him opening it so she can cool off, but when his hand spreads on the doorknob, he adds, while looking at her: “Shit, don’t take it off, okay?”

She would have laughed at herself years ago if she heard herself saying, in a small tone: “I won’t, Mark.”

Four months later.

“Care to explain why Mark Lee’s drunken ass is in your birthday party? Because I’m all for change of pace, but this is a whole new story we’re talking about.”

She had missed Yoonoh, dearly, so when he had decided to tag along to her dinner birthday party with his new girlfriend, she thought it would be the greatest of ideas. She must have forgotten that in between all the mess that is being a resident, and also the fact that Mark’s position in her life is as much of a question mark—pun intended—as it is settled, she had not told Yoonoh about his existence as a…well, friend? Supposedly?

Yoonoh’s hair is shorter, bleached with the tips painted in a bright pink, and she has to adjust to the colors even when the restaurant is bathed in colors of purple and blue, the VIP section pushed into the agenda of her birthday thanks to Mark’s idea. He had been the one behind all this, but how does one say that to Yoonoh when he was there, listening to her complain about Mark’s existence, for whole months? She wouldn’t stop talking about him.

She tilts her head back, moistening her mouth with a daiquiri before shrugging. “Life happens. Mark had to work on a project with me and then, we just…I’m not going to say we’re friends.”

Yoonoh bares his teeth as a wolf would do before eating its prey alive. Yes, she’s the prey, but she’s just going to get shit-eating grins the entire night. “Oh, but you’re so friends. Tell me, what is it that has made you forgive him for putting you through the biggest turmoil of your life?”

Considering that he is now standing on a table, swinging hips from side to side in a comic way, with a few buttons of his shirt undone and almost popping a nipple, she’s thinking that he wasn’t that much of a threat to start with. “Just look at him. He’s singing Fifty-Fifty. A man that truly wants to ruin your entire life wouldn’t make hearts while karaoke-ing to ‘Cupid.’”

“I wouldn’t put it that way. Men are menaces, me being a man is enough for me to prove it.” And the way Yoonoh has slowly pulled away from his new girlfriend, letting her go get drinks on her own side as she’s now talking with a whole different group of women, lets her know that, maybe, just maybe, he’s not the best one to date. Johnny is somewhere around, too, speaking with a few other residents of the Gyn-Ob program. “Is he treating you well?”

“Don’t start with the brother talk.”

“I’m not giving you the brother talk.”

“Well, you’re asking me questions a brother would think about when his sister has a new boyfriend but hey, newsflash, I don’t—”

“I don’t like Mark Lee, she said, totally lying to herself. Come on, you’ve been eye-fucking him.”

“What do you know? You’re drunk.”

“Two of these?” He holds the two empty soju bottles he has around him. “Don’t bother me. Cupid boy over there, though? He’s on cloud nine and I think it’s about time we slice the cake and take him home.”

“You just want cake.”

Yoonoh quirks a perfectly trimmed eyebrow before chuckling. “Trust me, babe, I’m getting a good slice of cake tonight, but the sweet kind wouldn’t do me wrong, either.”

This memory could be one for the books, considering Yoonoh has one arm wrapped around Mark’s shoulder as they both drunkenly—or not so—sing into the camera Yoonoh is holding on one hand the goddamned birthday song. She’s clapping along, laughing when Mark dips a finger into the icing and tries to smear it on the tip of her nose but completely misses.

Okay, maybe he doesn’t handle soju just as well.

Yoonoh says his goodbyes and finally decides to return to his date, or girlfriend, or whatever it is that he calls women in his life these days. That’s the moment she wraps an arm around Mark’s shoulder, hoisting her hand until she’s clasping the two ends of his button down closed so he doesn’t show more of his chest. For his sake. Or hers.

“I didn’t ask for nudity tonight.” Mark’s cheeks tinge pink and he laughs at her words, shaking his head.

“Dude, I’m not naked.” Though, he does take a second glance, creating a double-chin when he looks down at his chest and then, it’s her turn to giggle. “See? I didn’t have to check or anything.”

“I’m taking you home.”

“But Johnny’s still here!”

“Don’t care. I’m taking you home. Enough celebrating. It’s four in the morning, not my birthday anymore.” She replies, tugging him along with her as she carries on her empty hand a bag with the half-eaten burger he had left on his plate on a container and the slices of cake respective to them. She waves the hand that she has on Mark’s chest as a goodbye to the rest of the group before they’re engulfed by the night. “Okay, Mark—”

He’s not in this world, or this night, because he’s singing slowly to himself: “I’m feeling lonely. Oh, I wish I could find a lover that could—”

“Mark.”

“Hold me.” He does a few runs with his voice at that moment, which is not unpleasant, but definitely uncalled for as she is trying to take them back home.

“I need you to do either one of two things. Reach into my purse and grab my car keys, or button your shirt so you don’t die of a cold.” He chooses the latter, popping his hand inside her purse and lurking around. His body rolls on the curve of her arm, a crease growing between his brows as he tries his best to find the key in this darkened night. From the closeness, she can smell the soju in his breath, mixed with the mustard that he reapplied on the burger that was served to him.

“I’m on it. Just give me…a second.”

“We don’t have many seconds.”

“Eh, eh, dude, no rushing.” Mark complains, dragging his voice. “A true surgeon doesn’t rush, you know?”

“I’m an obstetrician-to-be.”

“Babies take time, too, you know? To make them, pop them out…” Mark’s voice starts to face until he grabs the keys, grabbing them harshly in the palms of his hands before smiling. “Here they are! We can go…back…home…” His tone grows duller when he looks at her, faces inherently close, in positions that almost translate to being chest to chest, only separated by the purse in between them, and it doesn’t help that she has one arm wrapped around his waist. “Can you smell the mustard?”

“Mark—” She’s about to pull away, but Mark tugs her closer, perfecting the position she had put them in. He wraps both hands around her waist, molding and digging until all she feels is his skin, muscles and bones. His abdomen contracts against her own, insufferably tight and making her own stomach flip a bunch of times. The breeze plays with the hair he lets fall on his forehead and she swears she sees a hint of condensation in his glasses.

“I’m sorry. All I’ve done is ruin every opportunity I’ve had with you.” Mark whispers, almost like a drunken blues, before he licks his lips. His eyes divert to the necklace hanging in between her collarbones, his name still there, most of the time covered by her coat at work or her scrubs, but he wears her name around her neck, as well. She’s sure someone has figured out their little game by now. “…But you still wear the necklace.”

Freezing is the tip of his nose against her septum, trailing against the skin as his lips part. The shuddering breath he lets out speaks a thousand languages, each more confusing than the other. Those eyes of his remain closed, while she only looks at him. The crease of his brows, the trembling of his bottom lip and the palpable need to kiss her, only to be interrupted by his own insecurities:

"Just kiss me." She pleads, though she would have never imagined that her voice would let out such things. Mark was supposed to be the man she hated for the rest of her professional life, but somewhere in between, the lines had blurred.

"I can't." Mark announces and when he doesn’t let go of her waist, she knows that said words don’t mean that he doesn’t want to. “Because I don’t know if us wearing our names on each other’s neck means we are really good friends, or that you want to kiss me just as bad. And you may have a stronger heart than I do, taking disappointment after disappointment, accepting life to be unfair with you, but I am not quite as strong as you are.”

He breathes in deeply and she takes that as a cue of him not being over his speech.

“I’m afraid you’ll break me.”

“I would never.” She admits, trailing her nose to the skin of his cheeks, deepening the tip on the hollow where his dimples form, before breathing his scent deeply. “Mark, I’m tired of running from things just because I am bitter. I don’t want to be bitter anymore. If life is going to suck, then, at least I want to say I tried having a good thing, however way it turns out.”

When he dips his mouth to taste hers, he does it as if he can’t handle the tremor of his lips. He’s unused to her motions, growing impatient and then, falling back into rhythm. One can feel that he’s nervous, but that doesn’t stop him. He puts the effort to trace the outline of her mouth with a simple caress of his lips, puckering them up the slightest in a peck before he’s parting them to grant himself the benefit to learn the shape of her upper lip and her bottom one. She sighs against his mouth, finally pushing back that one hair that he never brushes back quite well, guiding his mouth deeper into her own. For him to finally scratch that source of curiousness that had built to be a warm feeling at the tip of her stomach, and the bottom of her heart.

She had once not known who Mark Lee was.

But now she’s certain that he won’t let her forget through this kiss, and if she’s lucky, the ones that will come after.

#mark scenarios #mark x reader #nct scenarios #nct x reader #nct 127 x reader #nct dream x reader #nct 127 scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct fluff #nct au #mark fluff #mark au #writing #kpop scenarios

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gimmehyuck · 1 year

Text

a series of (un)fortunate events | l.mk

summary. it’s been months since you've seen mark in person. when you have no choice but to be around him because of a wedding, you start to feel as if fate likes to see you suffer.

or, alternatively:

maybe fate just wants to see you happy.

pairing. rising actor!mark x fem!reader, feat. hyuck and ryujin

words. 9.4k

genre. exes to lovers; fluff with lots of angst sprinkled all over

warnings. reader has anxiety, honestly she’s a little bit miserable but i think we can forgive her for that, alcohol consumption, i asked my friend what the agents name should be and we both thought linda would be funny (sorry if your name is linda), cliche kdrama drunk scene bc i can

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you were frozen in time. mind completely empty. the literal embodiment of ‘not a thought behind those eyes’. it took a solid 45 seconds of ryujin calling your name before you snapped out of it and looked at her again through your phone screen. she was frowning at you and you couldn’t help but mutter under your breath a small, “shit.”

clearing your voice you apologized with a smile this time.

“i knew she’d react like this,” ryujin said to the other person sharing the space on the phone screen.

“i know… look,” donghyuck said to you after turning away from his now fiancé. “i told mark that he’s my best man because he’s my best friend, but i also told him to try and keep his distance. we both want the both of you there for us.” donghyuck was pouting a little, probably because he always got his way when he did that but you were mostly looking at ryujin. she was happy and you could tell, but her eyes were worried for you. and who were you to ruin this time for her?

“oh, of course babe. i can handle this, no worries at all!” you forced the smile to meet your eyes, hoping she’d buy it. she didn’t. but she admired your bravery in the moment and didn’t press you further.

“i’ll let you know the details, you’ll have to fly back home so don’t worry about the dresses or anything. i’ll take care of that for you!” she chirped.

“ryu, no! if i’m the maid of honor then i should help with this stuff!” but ryujin was already waving her hand dismissively.

“just focus on getting here, it’s going to be expensive enough to get plane tickets, let alone the back and forth. so we’ll make it one trip for the wedding and i’ll facetime you for everything.”

“at least let me plan the bachelorette party,” you argued. and ryujin smiled brightly at that.

“i wouldn’t dream of taking that away from you.”

after a few more minutes of honest congratulations and eye rolls for donghyuck, you hung up the phone and you sat back on the couch while you stared at the picture that was the home screen. running your hand through your hair, you sighed heavily. the picture of mark leaning against the short wall of the ice rink as he was laughing hysterically was staring back at you, the moment captured during your one year anniversary date. you had fallen while ice skating and he spent the first two minutes laughing before he pulled himself together to help you up. you had been recording at the time and it was your favorite picture.

even though it had been two months since you had left, you still didn’t have the heart to change it. just like you didn’t have the heart to fall out of love with him. this wedding would be the second hardest thing you’d have to do.

the first will always be the night you left.

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you took everything that you had originally thought back. this would absolutely be the second hardest thing you’d ever have to do.

when ryujin sent you the seating arrangement for the wedding and let it slip that you’d have to walk with mark down the aisle, you nearly cried.

you did cry, actually.

luckily you knew where the letters were on your keyboard so you were able to type out a ‘sounds good to me, babe :)’ without actually seeing since your watery eyes were making the keyboard all but disappear.

you angrily brushed them away, getting so frustrated with your emotions and scolding yourself because you would have to get this under control in three months time. you still didn’t understand the rush of the wedding but it wasn’t your wedding to plan therefore you had no say in the matter. shaking your head you went back to your laptop to search for plane tickets to korea when the late night show’s host saying mark’s name caught your attention and you quickly whipped your head up to watch the tv.

“tonight we have with us, the up and coming star whose debut movie will be releasing this friday, mark lee!” the audience clapped and the thought of reaching for the remote to turn off the tv did not cross your mind; the idea of getting to see him aside from the random magazine cover made your heart ache but in that moment you wanted to brave the ache if only to get to see a smile from him.

mark walked on the set and waved at everyone, a bright smile on his face that you had been waiting for. his blue blazer complementing his black hair, and you couldn’t help but think about how handsome he looked. you were far too entranced to tell yourself to turn it off now.

“so!” the host said, clapping his hands together as mark took his seat adjacent to him. “welcome to the show.”

mark nodded along, “thank you for having me.”

“the pleasure is all ours, isn’t that right?” the host said to the crowd and they began the applause all over again. you noticed mark’s ears turning a little pink and you knew he was getting a little overwhelmed with the love from strangers.

“your debut movie dive into you, your very first role as an actor nonetheless, was making waves,” the host paused with a raised eyebrow while the crowd - and mark - laughed at his pun; then continued, “of the sundance festival. how did it feel to win awards so soon after wrapping up production?”

mark smiled and nodded along in answer, “it feels like it’s not real honestly, but also like my hard work has finally paid off. i never really thought i’d be here. i never thought i’d get to see this part of my dream come to pass but here i am. i can’t help but feel nervous, but also excited, you know? the director, cast, and crew were all welcoming and amazing to work with. i’ll truly remember this moment forever, and be grateful for it.” the host nodded along with mark as he answered his question at length, and then as he spoke the hosts lips pursed and he began tapping his chin.

“you said something very interesting just then, mark,” the host commented and mark raised an eyebrow at him suddenly looking around trying to figure out what it was exactly that he had said, as if the audience could help him find it.

“what? did i accidentally cuss and not realize it?” mark gave a nervous laugh and you couldn’t help but smile at his awkwardness. you were happy to see that although he had achieved his dream, he was still the same mark.

“oh no! and besides. it’s late night tv, you’re allowed to cuss here and there,” the host laughed a little before leaning forward on his desk and mark leaned closer as if they were going to share a secret.

“what i was curious about, and i’m sure what everyone else at home is curious about as well, is what you meant exactly by ‘this part of my dream’? what’s the other half… or whatever fraction of your dream that hasn’t come true yet?”

and mark’s eyebrows rose, “ahhh, that…” he hesitated while he scratched the back of his neck.

“i just meant… um, i just meant that the other part being that i wish that my- my friends were able to be here and celebrate this milestone with me.” mark was lying through his teeth, you could tell because as he said the word friends, his nose scrunched a little and that was always how you knew he was either lying or withholding something. but these people wouldn’t know that about him, and the shows host accepted the answer immediately. his face gave a look of understanding and almost concern.

“oh yeah, you came from korea for this movie, didn’t you?” and mark nodded in answer.

“yeah, they’re all back home supporting me but it’s okay. my best friend is getting married in a couple of months so i’ll be able to celebrate then with them in person!” and the host grinned widely at mark and then the camera.

“well that makes me happy for you, mark, truly! oh, and it looks like that’s all the time we have for tonight. everyone go watch dive into you when it releases in theatres this friday!”

the credits began to roll and mark was shot smiling and clapping, leaning over to say something to the host that the camera mic didn’t catch as the show ended. seeing his smile and being happy like that made the heart ache worsen, and you rubbed at your chest trying to ease the metaphorical pain. you weren’t sure if you were ready to see him. you weren’t sure if you’d be able to keep it together for this whole thing.

but for ryujin, you’d try.

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fuck this. you couldn’t do it.

you really really couldn’t do it.

after landing in korea you connected to the wifi of the airport only to receive one message from ryujin.

5:50 pm my baby 👭: mark will be picking u up from the airport, hyuck and i had last minute kinks to work out for the wedding but i’ll come and get u tonight for the bachelorette party! i’m so sorry 😞

she even had the nerve, the audacity to send the sad emoji but all you could do was feel your heart racing from anxiety. so you quickly typed back in a panic -

that’s ok! i can just take a taxi, no need for mark to come!

but she answered immediately as if she were waiting for your response, and her only message was, “he’s already there!”

and you were going to fucking kill her. you were absolutely going to murder her before she even got the chance to step one toe down the aisle. you didn’t even bother responding to the text, your anxiety and frustration making an uncomfortable mix in your chest and if you weren’t already thirty seconds from a panic attack, your phone buzzed again and with sweaty palms you checked it.

6:05 pm ml 🐯🥰: ryujin gave me your new number, sorry if this is weird. but i’m outside in the blue car, take your time though.

6:06 pm ml 🐯🥰: this is mark, btw

you internally screamed as you read the message over and over again, the contact name being another thing you also didn’t have the heart to change like your wallpaper, truly thinking you would never see it pop up again. you abruptly sat on the nearest bench as you waited for your checked luggage to arrive at the baggage carousel, the people who were standing around you edged further away from you. flashing you concerned looks at your apparent mental break down, but you could hardly even blink. you felt your heart rising in your throat and you tried to breathe through your nose and out through your mouth.

you tried slowly counting to five.

you tried breathing in for a few seconds and breathing out slower.

as you sat, you tried every calming technique you could think of.

it wasn’t until an elderly lady placed a gentle hand on your shoulder causing you to jump slightly and she gave you a kind look.

“everything is going to be okay,” she said as she gently rubbed your back and then just… walked away. the sudden appearance and disappearance of her making your panic halt in an instant in the distraction.

then the carousel whirred to life, and you had to rush over to haul your bag off of the moving belt before you had to wait for it to come around again. you really should have let it circle around a few times, but that idea came to you after you had already set the suitcase on the ground.

the kindness from the older woman, and the knowledge that you would be able to thoroughly murder your friend in a few short hours helped you to steel your nerves as you exited the airport and quickly found the blue car mark was driving.

it was easy to spot because he was literally leaning against it while he stared at his phone. you hesitated a moment, taking him in and god did he look good in those jeans and that sweater. the thoughts getting away from you before you could stop them but immediately scolded yourself.

steadying yourself with a quick breath, you rolled your suitcase up to the trunk and he jerked his head up at the sudden movement.

“oh, hi. i was waiting for a response from you- but, uh, um, here! let me get that.” he said quickly as he reached for your bag to help you heave it into the trunk but you put your hand up to stop him, taking a step back to create space.

“it’s okay,” you said, a little too curt with him. “i can do it myself.” and mark instantly deflated, your heart jumping at the need to fix that look.

no, you scolded yourself and internally forced your heart to still. he’s not yours anymore.

you made sure of that.

mark stepped back and let you lift up the heavy suitcase yourself, dropping it ever so gracefully in the trunk. you closed it and tried not to make eye contact as you moved around mark to get into the passenger seat. when you shut the door you couldn’t stop yourself from looking in the side mirror to see him frown and he shook his head at himself. you breathed a sigh of relief out. the ‘ripping off the bandaid’ part over and done with.

he got in to his side of the car smoothly, and you prepared yourself for an awkward silence the entire ride to the hotel.

“we’re staying at the same place, so that’s cool!” mark said casually, trying to create some form of conversation, of peace. you didn’t respond to what he said, instead opting for a different approach.

“you didn’t need to come and get me,” you said quietly as you stared at the passing cars on the road.

“i wanted to,” he said just as quietly, and you flinched internally at what sounded like sadness. he said your name, and then hesitated. after a few moments of silence, you saw his reflection in the window shake his head slightly as he decided against saying whatever it was.

“never mind.” was the last word uttered of the drive.

the tension weighed heavily on your already wounded heart.

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fate had it out for you. she must really enjoy screwing you over. because what you kept thinking would be the hardest part… kept continuously turning out to absolutely not be the hardest part, as if she were taunting you.

exhibit d:

“what do you mean my reservation was canceled?” you asked the hotel concierge for the third time in a row, causing her to sigh in frustration at you, finally cracking her happy persona she had to wear for her job.

“ma’am, i really don’t know how else to explain it to you. it says here it was canceled, and your room was already booked by someone else.”

“well unbook it!” you insisted, all but yelling out at that point, completely fed up. “i didn’t cancel my reservation, so it must have been a system error. isn’t there anything you can do to fix this?”

“i’m sorry,” the woman said again. “we’re fully booked for a wedding that’s taking place in a few days.”

“i-“ you paused pinching the bridge of your nose tightly, taking a moment to deeply inhale. you were going to have to google better calming techniques. “i. know. because i am in that wedding!” you hissed between clenched teeth and when the woman reached for the phone in fear, to call what you presumed was the security, mark stepped in suddenly. he leaned against the tall counter, and his sudden closeness made you jerk your head up to make eye contact with him.

“i booked a suite with an extra bed, it may be a little… um, awkward but the bed is yours if you want it.” his ears were turning red, but his voice sounded genuine. as if he truly meant his offer and god you wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and never come out. knowing your options were limited to this or staying with your parents who lived two hours outside of the city, you really didn’t have any other choice.

fate was absolutely fucking with you just because she could, was the only thought on replay as you were getting ready in the bathroom for the bachelorette party that night. considering you had slept on the plane, you weren’t tired yet and you figured you’d be able to sleep off the jetlag with a nice hangover before the rehearsal dinner the next evening. putting the final touches on your makeup, you looked at yourself in the mirror.

you could do this.

you repeated those three sentences like a mantra to yourself over and over, trying to give yourself the confidence to leave the room and be in the same space as mark again, but it seemed like the universe had different plans as your inner musings were interrupted.

“you look… really pretty.” he said in the entrance of the bathroom, his body blocking the only exit from the room. you looked down to avoid the eye contact in the mirror he was giving you, and muttered a quiet, “thank you.”

he paused a moment more before saying your name, for the second time since you had seen him, and hearing his voice saying your name in that way as opposed to the first time… it almost made tears spring to your eyes.

“i just wanted-“ he started, but for the first time since you had been told of this wedding, something (because it definitely wasn’t fate) decided to take pity on you and give you a break because at that moment you got a text from ryujin.

9:45 pm murder victim (1) 🔪: here babe!!

and you instantly sighed in relief. cutting mark off from what you were sure he had spent the last hour building up the courage to say, you turned on your heel and said, “ryu’s here! gotta go.”

you brushed past him to exit the hotel room, not even noticing that you had forgotten the door key on your way out.

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it was three am.

or maybe four.

you weren’t sure.

you spent the first twenty minutes of the night scolding the hell out of ryujin in the back of the uber and she just took it with a grin.

“and just what is so funny?” you huffed at her, crossing your arms and allowing your brows to stay furrowed.

“it’s almost like the universe is telling you to get back together.” she sang, and wiggled her eyebrows at you. you threw your hands up in exasperation, drawing eyes from the driver through the rearview mirror. giving a slight bow of apology to him you turned back to ryujin only to roll your eyes at her.

“no, the universe likes watching me hit a newly discovered rock bottom. we’re not getting back together and i’m sure he’ll be happy to have me gone once your wedding is over.” ryujin only shrugged and you didn’t hear it when she muttered, “i wouldn’t be so sure.”

when the uber dropped you off in front of the first club of the night, your sour mood dispersed in a second as you headed inside.

you and ryujin, along with her other bridesmaids in her party, heejin, yeji, and jimin had bounced from club to club and you had thoroughly drank your cares away. you were no longer thinking about how fate was a bitch. you were no longer thinking about the doom and gloom you were feeling.

you were no longer thinking about mark.

except that last one was a lie because he was the only thought that occupied your brain through the night, so much so that ryujin had to cover your mouth with her hand to stop your rambling about him.

but as the dawn crept closer and closer, all of you were calling it quits. yeji had lost a shoe somewhere along the way and jimin had left thirty minutes before, taking a whiny yeji with her; heejin was finally getting into her uber after ten minutes of drunkenly explaining that no, she wasn’t in the building the street over, and yes the gps was actually wrong. it just left you and ryujin as you waited for donghyuck to come pick you up, knowing he was on standby for the designated driver role of the morning. ryujin held your hand and affectionately laid her head on your shoulder. you copied the action and turned so you could hug each other and sway back and forth, the scene cute if not for the fact that anyone watching could tell that you were both heavily intoxicated if the giggles coming from you both after each dramatic sway were any indicator.

“you know everything is gonna be okay,” she slurred a little too loudly in your ear and the phrase made you think of something but you couldn’t quite remember what it was.

“i know,” you giggled at her, grinning brightly and you both squeezed each other tighter. you couldn’t remember in that moment what needed to be okay.

“hey, that’s my future wife! if you wanted her you should have proposed first!” you both turned to see donghyuck smiling widely, as he leaned across the center console to be able to tease you both out of the passenger window. you answered by sticking your tongue out childishly at him and ryujin answered by kissing your cheek with a loud, exaggerated smack, leaving a red stain on your cheek from what was left of her lipstick.

“i could have had her years before you even knew her, and i’ll have her years after you. remember that!” you said while pointing your fingers at your eyes and turning them on him. he rolled his eyes and sarcastically mimicked your response before motioning for you both to get in the car.

the drive back to the hotel was quiet and for the first time that night you checked your phone.

11:03 pm ml 🐯🥰: hey, i just noticed you left your keycard to get back in the hotel

12:00 am ml 🐯🥰: i’ll sleep with my phone off of silent, just call when you get back and i’ll let you in

2:15 am ml 🐯🥰: please be safe, let me know if i need to come get you

your heart fluttered at his messages and you drunkenly smiled at how he still cared. you covered your mouth to hide your smile but the sober one in the car didn’t miss the way your eyes lit up in a way that neither he nor ryujin had seen on you in five months. he could only smirk to himself as he drove, promising to himself to tell ryujin about what he saw the next morning.

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you stumbled your way down the hallway, stopping and taking off one shoe as it was rubbing your foot painfully. then after a few steps you realized how silly it was to walk with one heel on and you clumsily leaned against the wall to pull off the other shoe. arriving to the door, you giggled at the idea of getting to call and talk to mark.

mark was here, with you.

you were here, with mark.

something you’d never thought would happen again and it made your heart soar. giggling again at that thought you pulled out your phone. hitting the call button, he picked up after the third ring and you sighed as you leaned against the door frame, allowing it to hold you up.

“hello?” his voice was raspy from sleep and it made butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“hi,” you giggled once more, and you internally smacked yourself this time.

play it cool or don’t talk yourself into sounding like an idiot, you told yourself.

“hi,” he parroted back to you. “are you okay? do i need to come get you?”

“yeah, can you please?” and you heard rustling through the phone.

“okay, i’m on my way. where are you?” he didn’t hesitate. he didn’t even sigh. he didn’t seem annoyed by having to help you. he seemed… almost happy in the way he said his words. as if you could audibly hear the smile. but maybe that was the alcohol letting you hear what you wanted to hear. you heard him walking around in the hotel room through the phone, and saw a light flick on from the little sliver of a gap under the door.

“on the other side of the door,” you smiled, laughing a little harder at your own joke and the door jerked open to reveal mark in all his sleepy glory. shirt wrinkled and hair sticking out at in odd directions. his relief, however, made way to his smile and he couldn’t help but stare down at you for a moment… but you, you were definitely still drunk. and who needs inhibitions to tell you not to do something anyways? not you, that’s for sure.

“my pretty maaaark!” you sang, as you threw yourself against him, or well, fell against him would be a better term for what happened.

he froze at the sudden affection from you, arms raised at awkward angles above your body before allowing his arms to lower and hug you back gently.

“i’m so sleepy, mark.” you slurred against his chest and you nuzzled your cheek against it, thinking about how soft this shirt was. he huffed a small laugh and pulled you further into the room so he could close the door.

“okay, let’s get you to bed then. c’mon.” and he helped you walk (in reality he half carried you) towards the shared bedroom.

“mark,” you called his name again softly. he glanced down at you and he noticed you were already looking up at him, arms still wrapped around his waist.

“mm?” he answered as he navigated you finally over to the bed.

“i’m so happy,” you said to him and somehow, fate again you assumed - that bitch - you simultaneously tripped over your own drunk feet and tumbled back onto the bed. your arms that were still wrapped around his waist gave him no choice but to fall with you, or well, on top of you. he caught himself instead of crushing you, an arm on each side of your head, caging you in.

he looked down at you and your body acting off it’s own accord by gripping his shirt tightly at his waist. you couldn’t help but stare at his face for a few long seconds, eyes going from his eyes, up to his hair, down to his lips, back to his eyes, and then back to his lips one last time.

“and why is that?” he asked, bringing you back to the moment before you tripped. and although your eyes had drifted back up to his eyes, he noticed that yours started to slowly flutter closed, as if you were fighting sleep but the alcohol was winning. your bright smile you gave him while you were thinking of the answer made his heart beat fast, but the words you said next made it stop entirely.

“because i get to be here with you, even if it’s just for a moment. i missed you so much, my mark, all marked in my heart.” you laughed softly again at your own joke, referencing back to a pickup line he had given you that made you say yes to his first request of a date. he couldn’t help the melancholy feeling that overcame him as he looked down at your sleeping form, the alcohol finally taking you from awake to asleep within seconds.

“i’m happy too,” he whispered though you didn’t hear it.

if only you knew how happy he actually was.

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the next day, you surprisingly slept well considering it was 3 o’clock in the afternoon and you were still in your clothes from last night. the curtains were drawn tightly as to not let any light in, and you groaned at the headache that pulsed behind your eyelids. you knew the room was empty based on the the silence and you were grateful for it as you felt embarrassed by your actions the night before. why the hell would you say that to mark? if you wanted him to hate you, well, you were doing a damn good job of solidifying that. you searched for your phone amongst the blankets and pillows to check your messages.

11:15 am murder victim (2) 🔫: mark said earlier that you forgot your key, hope you ‘got in’ okay ;)

11:30 am murder victim (1) 🔪: hi babe, how’s the hangover? the rehearsal is at 5. text me when u get up, ily 😘

11:47 am ml 🐯🥰: i put tylenol by the bed with some water, i would have ordered you food but didn’t know what time you’d be getting up. see you later

your heart gave way at the kind gesture as you flipped on a light switch and squinted at the brightness, quickly finding the medicine and downing it in one go to quickly turn off the light again.

maybe he wasn’t hating you like you thought.

you gave yourself thirty minutes to try and let the headache lose the battle with the medicine you took and finally rolled out of bed to take a shower, doing everything you could think of to keep mark and his never ending kindness off of your mind. you got ready in record time, and somehow made it to the rehearsal on time with five minutes to spare.

you ran through the wedding fairly quickly, and you most certainly did not blush as mark took your arms in his to walk you down the aisle for the practice run. besides that, you didn’t get a chance to look at mark until it came to dinner with the wedding party for the night.

fate, and you couldn’t say you were mad at her this time, had allowed mark to sit next to you during dinner.

“so mark,” yeji had said as she stuffed a piece of broccoli into her mouth. “what’s it like being famous now?”

he groaned in answer. his hand moved ever so slightly to the right and his pinky was suddenly touching yours. your eyes widened but you didn’t move your hand away, allowing his hand to rest next to yours. it felt like something from middle school when you would get excited over your crush, your eyes laser-focused on where you were connected.

“i mean, of course i’m happy to have found success in it.”

success.

that word alone sent you back to The Moment five months ago.

success was all that you wanted for mark, you were happy to watch him as he acted on set. with the way his schedule had been lining up, you hardly saw him. so when you suggested that maybe you could spend the day with him on set while he worked, he didn’t say no to you. it made you happy that he made you feel like he was fitting time in with you even if he was insanely busy.

you missed spending time with him, and you really… just… missed him. his absence making your worries and self doubts grow more eminent but you were both usually good at communicating so it wasn’t a constant worry, but the worry was there all the same.

mark had just left you to begin another scene, leaving you sitting in his chair that was off to the side and you couldn’t stop your eyes from following him around the room, watching his interactions with his cast mates.

a body landing into the chair next to yours caused you to jump and you turned to see his manager sitting next to you, leaning to the side to be just on the verge of invading your space. she was a stone faced woman, perfectly presented down to the red polish of her nails.

you had only met her a few times but she seemed… nice enough. you couldn’t deny that she worked hard to get mark solid chances and auditions so you appreciated her as mark did.

the situation at hand made you uncomfortable for some reason though, your gut telling you to move away from her.

you didn’t listen.

“so,” his manager began slowly, not making eye contact with you, instead her eyes were following mark as yours had been doing moments before.

“so…?” you prompted when she didn’t begin speaking right away.

“we need to talk… and i’m taking the initiative because mark’s too kind and won’t do it.” this caught you off guard entirely. mark was keeping something from you? you were both good terrible secret keepers with each other and this seemed so unlike him.

but, you thought, his manager was with him when you weren’t so maybe…

“oh…” you said, and finally his manager made eye contact with you. the cold stare she was giving you sent shivers down your spine.

“look, sweetie. this… this relationship you have with mark. it isn’t working.” and she patted you on the shoulder as if this were good news. “it isn’t going to work for his image or his future. you know you’re holding him back from the future he could have. the future he deserves. why do you want to burden him any further than you already have?” she asked, voice dripping with a sense of sweetness that screamed condescension.

you stilled at that instantly. the thought that you may have been the problem the entire time you were together… that you were the reason as to why he couldn’t get auditions… you would be lying if you said it hadn’t crossed your mind.

“but mark never said…” you argued weakly, playing with your fingers all while trying not to make eye contact with the woman sitting next to you.

“of course he wouldn’t, dear. he knows you’re too… fragile.” she sneered at the last word, her disdain for you being glaringly obvious as the conversation carried on. your anxiety made you fragile? mark had talked about you to her?

when you didn’t respond right away, mind racing, mark’s manager stood up.

“if you want to be selfish, and ruin his chances at success then that’s fine. just know any future failures would be on you. if you truly loved him, you’d do this for him. you’d leave.” her voice changed sharply within that sentence, the word selfish becoming a thicker blanket on top of burden in your mind and it was like you couldn’t breathe.

the anxiety stemming from the words she had just said - the fears you had been harboring for months, the thoughts that you had been smothering like a fire in the back of your mind suddenly roared to life, and the sudden heat was too hot for you to handle in the moment.

the idea of mark possibly resenting you in the future for things you knew were out of your control, it shook you… and it was minutes of spiraling into yourself before you realized that his manger had been long gone and the director had called cut.

mark stopped by where you sat for a brief moment to tell you that he had to go to the the hair and makeup trailer and he would be back soon. the fact that he didn’t tell you that he loved you with a quick kiss like he usually would being the final nail in the coffin for you in believing every word.

you got up and left the set that day, going to your shared home with mark and realized there wasn’t much that you wanted to take anyway. your heart was shattered and everything you’d take would only remind you of him.

you had packed a suitcase, and sat for a long time contemplating if you wanted to leave a letter but then ultimately decided that if he was already feeling burdened by you, you’d be doing him a favor by not making it hard on him. or well, any harder.

allowing that memory to play all the way through for the first time since seeing him made you feel as if reality had punched you in the stomach, and it sobered you up quickly. the heavy weight of your anxiety was back and it settled on your chest. the bubble of happiness you felt at the slightest touch, at the first sight of him after being apart from him for so long… all gone in an instant.

remember you’re the burden, you did this for him, you chided yourself sadly in your head. you were the reason why you both were estranged.

you gently moved your hand away to rest it in your lap. mark cut his eyes to you suddenly but you missed the glance and you missed the way he was still looking at you as he said, “but i’m just happy to be here with you… with all of you again.”

he tore his eyes away from your face to look at yeji and she smiled knowingly, eyes darting from mark to you. the room felt small to you then, almost suffocating. the sudden appearance of someone to the table brought you to the present.

“dessert will be coming out soon,” the waitress said to ryujin.

your appetite was gone entirely, and you had to get out of there. you leaned over and whispered in ryujin’s ear that you loved her but you were heading up to the room. you felt the tears were coming, because reality was the bitch this time instead of fate.

the kindness mark was showing you during all of this was making your heart ache and it was bringing up the pain that you desperately fought off for five months. excusing yourself from the table, you told everyone goodnight and made a beeline for the elevator that would take you up to the room.

stepping inside and punching the floor number, you hit the close door button frantically and bit your lip to try and keep the tears from coming as long as possible. the doors were almost closed when a hand suddenly blocked it and it opened again, revealing mark and he stepped inside, awkwardly coughing at the dramatics of it all.

you stepped to the side of the elevator and didn’t look up from your fingernails that you played with to avoid eye contact at all costs. the awkward tension filled the elevator thickly and you could feel mark’s stare boring holes into the side of your head. when the elevator finally dinged with the arrival of your floor, you’d never felt more grateful for the annoying sound.

all but running from the elevator, you headed to the room only to realize that, fuck, yes you were actually staying in mark’s room and no, he wasn’t riding the elevator for fun. his steps sounded behind yours and you pointedly didn’t say a word to him as you both entered the room. his presence didn’t deter your tears that had been threatening to spill, in fact it only made them more prevalent and it was taking all that you could do to not let them fall. the click of the door being shut made you flinch a little in anticipation of what came next, and mark cleared his throat.

“so, um…” he began, hesitating while trying to find the right words on how to approach this before continuing. “i think - i think we should talk. you said something’s last night and it… it really has me confused and i just need, no, i deserve an explanation.” when he finished his sentence his words sounded pained.

you did guess that you owed him an explanation.

but you didn’t want to give it to him.

the same way you felt you deserved one as well, but you didn’t want the confirmation.

“i’m sorry, mark.” you said, voice barely above a whisper. and it was the only thing you had to say in that moment, anything over three words and your voice would have cracked. you kept your back to him as you walked over to the bathroom and shut the door, not wanting to see his face during this.

you really were a coward, you thought.

you heard mark approach the other side of the door and stop.

“you’re- you’re sorry?” he asked, and then with a hint of sarcasm, he finally decided to bring up the biggest and obvious elephant in the room. “you’re sorry for what? leaving or are you sorry for what you said last night? are you going to tell me you didn’t mean it now?” and you could only shake your head even though he couldn’t see.

“all of it.” you choked out.

“all- ha, all of it?” his laugh was dry. your silence was answer enough.

“you left me. you left me without an explanation. without a single note and then you changed your number! i thought you had just left the set but i came home to find you gone. what could i have possibly done that would have deserved that? what did i do?”

“it’s…” you started from the other side of the door, tears falling at the desperation in his voice. but mark was on a roll, months of pent up frustration and sadness finally boiling over.

“you were there with me and then you weren’t and you hurt me, y/n. you absolutely broke my heart, you know that? i almost quit the movie entirely.”

“if you had, then it would have been for nothing.” you cried from the other side of the door.

“what are you even talking about?”

you flung open the door suddenly, mark taking in your tear stained face, your eyes red and bloodshot.

“i left you for you, mark.”

“i don’t-.”

“you said i broke your heart, but i broke my own first. i left you for you!”

“i never asked you to do that!”

“you didn’t have to! she did it for you. i left so i wouldn’t hold you back anymore. i was holding you back, i was burdening you, i was keeping you from the successful career you worked so hard to achieve.” you placed your hand on your chest and took a deep breath, “i admit that i was a coward in not waiting, but i couldn’t handle hearing the confirmation of it all from you. so i did it for you, i left so i wouldn’t be selfish.” you spat out the last word like it was poison, the word that had been torturing you these past five months, all while pointing your finger at mark as if to drive home your point.

“she-? you… selfish? what the hell are you even talking about?” he asked, eyebrows fully drawn together in confusion. you scoffed.

“don’t act as if you hadn’t talked to her about me. about how you couldn’t tell me any of this because i was fragile.” your mouth twisted with that sentence, and your emotions didn’t know whether to be angry or sad. so you continued to cry because, yeah, that would cover all the bases.

marks mouth clicked shut as things started to come together in his mind. pieces falling into place and then he was suddenly livid.

mark was silent for a moment, his lips pursed and his eyes thunderous - you could only assume that fury was directed at you considering his eyes never left yours, and you swallowed nervously.

“y/n…” mark started slowly, his voice dropping dangerously low in his anger, “who exactly do you mean when you say the word ‘she’?”

you hesitated a little, never knowing mark to get this angry.

“your… manager.” you murmured and mark’s jaw clenched, and you felt your anger dissipate entirely as his took over. as the seconds ticked on, you watched as mark reached into his back pocket and withdrew his phone, he only broke eye contact for a second to click the name he was searching for and he brought his eyes back to yours. your eyebrows drew together in confusion.

who would he be calling during the middle of the argument - and finally you heard it when the other person answered the phone and you could recognize that sickly sweet voice anywhere. your jaw dropped and you made to stomp away when mark used his other hand to gently hold onto your arm, pulling you a bit closer than you were before to stand in front of him.

“mark, honey, i’ve been waiting for you to call! how’s korea? you just have to tell me all about it.” she asked loudly through the phone and you frowned at the way she spoke to mark.

“korea’s fine,” he chirped politely as if his eyes weren’t telling you otherwise. “my family is well, the wedding is going as planned, and linda, you’ll never guess who i ran into!”

“oh do tell, you know i love the gossip.” she laughed through the phone and you saw mark’s eyes darken.

“y/n.” the anger in which he said your name, but it not being directed at you, was both a relief and worried you at the same time.

the deafening silence from her end was answer enough for mark.

“and she told me the funniest story,” snark dripping from every word, “hilarious actually. but i think i’d rather hear it from the horses mouth, you know?”

“look, mark, sweetie, i’m sure she misunderstood or she must have been confused by our conversation that day, i only meant to tell her-“

“what?” mark interjected. “tell her that she was burdening me? holding me back? that i called her fragile? i think that’s exactly what you meant.”

she hesitated before answering, but her answering tone was the same as she used with you that day.

sweet condescension.

“well, yes. she was bad for you,” she said shortly.

“oh no, i disagree entirely. i think the one bad for me, was in fact, you.” and she sputtered on the other end of the phone and you couldn’t help the small upturn of your lips to hear her at a loss for words, the smile not going unnoticed by mark if the softening of his eyes were any indicator.

you realized in that moment how you let your anxiety and self doubts ruin something that was perfectly fine to begin with.

linda scoffed, the haughty sound coming in loud through the phone’s speaker.

“oh, please. you’ll thank me someday when you’re big and famous, dating some supermodel. someone at your level of fame.”

mark was silent, his eyes taking in your face and he knew how hard hearing things like this must have been for you. he knew of your insecurities, and he thought he did his best to reassure you but he realized the one time it mattered most, he let it slip through the cracks.

he realized his lack of presence in that moment ruined what you both had.

linda took his extended pause as agreement with what she was saying.

“see? you know that i’m right. anyway, mark, honey, let’s-!” mark cut her off mid-sentence.

“no, what i know… is that you’re fired.” he said calmly, and your eyebrows raised and your eyes widened and you opened your mouth to argue - yes, you hated the woman but she had helped him with his career. mark lifted the hand that had been gently holding your arm to place a finger on your lips, effectively shutting you up with a smile on his face.

linda screeched through the phone, an abrasive noise that sounded awfully like a dying cat.

“you can’t fire me, you ungrateful d-.” and mark hung up the phone, tossing it onto the counter of the kitchenette behind him.

you swallowed thickly now at the sudden silence that fell over the room. mark moved his hand from your lips to wipe the tears that had ran down your face earlier and you avoided eye contact with him then at the gentleness of his hands.

“mark, i…”

“you said you loved me, so you left. did you stay away because you loved me too? change your number for the same reason?”

you nodded, “i thought i would be making it easier for you…”

“do you still love me now?” your eyes snapped back up to his. you decided to be truthful.

“i can’t do anything but love you.” mark’s smile at your answer ignited butterflies in your stomach.

“and i…” he said stepping closer into your space, reaching down to hold your hand in his as he brought it to his chest, his heartbeat a steady rhythm that you could feel. “i have no choice but to love you.”

you felt tears well up again in your eyes at his admission, and you bit your lip to try to keep them from spilling over.

“you still… are you still in love with me?” your voice quivered, and you cleared your throat trying to tame the burning sensation that came with holding back your tears.

“without a doubt.”

“well, if you really do love me… if you love me like i love you then…” you looked between his eyes to his lips, and as you blinked the tears you had been holding back fell. and mark tilted his head, his playful smile making you smile with him through the tears.

“then kiss me.”

mark didn’t waste any more time, one hand tangling itself in your hair and the other cupping your jaw tenderly and you melted into the kiss, wrapping your arm around his neck and pulling his body flush against yours. five months of anger and sadness and longing pouring out in the movement of your lips. you were crying still but the tears were more out of happiness this time and mark continued to kiss you through it. he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours, lips centimeters from yours, his breath hitting your lips and you closed your eyes, both of you breathing heavily. his voice was soft when he spoke.

“five months spent wasted because i didn’t reassure you enough, i’m… i’m so sorry, y/n.”

“and five months gone because i was too afraid to talk to you… i’m sorry, too.” and you opened your eyes to see he had tears in his eyes this time and you let out a small laugh.

“did you miss me that much?” you joked softly, eyes shining with the happiness that you had pushed down finally seeping through.

“shut up,” he groaned and swept in to kiss you again.

that night, neither of you slept alone in your separate beds.

.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

the next day found you and mark, surprisingly (to everyone else) friendly, almost flirty, with each other and it didn’t go unnoticed by everyone else in the wedding party. ryujin walked down the aisle to an overjoyed donghyuck and the proceedings went on without a hitch.

the reception was loud, and a bit wild as after the first dance, no other slow song was played. ryujin and donghyuck made it feel like you were clubbing, and if you danced with mark a tiny bit provocatively, no one seemed to notice or care.

during one of your breaks from dancing while you stood near one of the tables, you felt a hand tap on your shoulder and you turned to face them. once you saw their face, your jaw dropped.

“it’s you!” you couldn’t help the gratitude that laced your voice.

the old lady from the airport stood there, the wrinkles from years of smiling showing proudly on her face.

“see, i told you everything would be okay, didn’t i?”

you nodded, smiling and you couldn’t help yourself when you leaned in and gave the woman a hug.

“grandma? you know y/n?” it was mark’s confused voice that came from over your shoulder, coming behind you to rest his hand on the small of your back.

“oh, not really…” she gave you a secret smile, and continued, “but mark, dear. do tell ryujin and donghyuck it was a beautiful wedding for me, i’m sorry but i’m too old to stay up with the younger crowd nowadays.” she patted mark on the arm and said goodnight to you both, leaving you with a wink. mark looked back and forth between you and her and you only shrugged in answer, and you pulled him back out to the dance floor with a smile.

eventually, the night had to come to an end though, but not before the traditional throwing of the bouquet. you were pulled onto the floor with the other bridesmaids and the second ryujin tossed the flowers over her head, the other girls dispersed leaving you to be the only one standing to catch it. you were confused at first but when ryujin gave you a knowing smile, you couldn’t help but laugh at their group effort. and so you turned around to find mark smiling at you and clapping at the edge of the crowd, and you smiled brightly at him as if he hung the stars himself, newfound confidence in every step as you walked up to him.

you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him fully in front of the guests who remained, mostly the small group of friends who all knew each other well. mark wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you slightly off the ground, while your friends cheered dramatically behind you.

breaking the kiss you smiled at mark before he set you down, and both you and mark turned and caught sight of ryujin and donghyuck sharing a highly triumphant high five.

it all clicked then, every step had been planned by your cunning best friend… and you couldn’t even be mad anymore.

how could you be, when it all turned out to be okay?

.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

epilogue:

you sat at the table of celebrities like you belonged there, no longer feeling as if you were the misfit amongst them.

a year and a half had passed since ryujin and donghyuck’s wedding and with it came changes.

all of them, you could say, were good.

you battled your anxiety and won… well mostly won, you still had your moments but the second you called mark for reassurance, he was there in an instant with gentle words of affirmation, which you discovered was your love language.

you and mark got married six months after donghyuck and ryujin did, and mark’s reasoning was sound in his opinion.

“i spent five months apart from you, and i think i’ll die if i have to do it again. so i’m locking you down, babe.”

you couldn’t argue with him on that.

and now this moment, the moment where upon hearing mark’s name being called you stood up and cheered, clapping a little louder than the famous people next to you. mark kissed you quickly before running up on stage to receive his award.

it wasn’t an oscar… yet.

but the golden globe would do.

his speech went as he rehearsed with you in your bedroom in the off chance he won. being nominated was enough for him, he had said but you encouraged him to have a speech prepared, just in case.

you had no doubts he would win tonight.

you were right.

his speech was coming to an end, something you could quote with him word for word, until you heard him derail from what he practiced beforehand.

“and i just wanna say the biggest thanks of all to my wife. who, without her, only half of my dream would have been achieved,” he gestured the award to you and the smile he wore was lighting up his entire face. “without you, this wouldn’t matter at all to me. so this one’s all for you, babe. thank you.”

you stood and clapped again, accepting mark back to his seat with an excited hug.

fate - well, ryujin - may have had it out for you, but it was okay in the end.

and you could honestly live with that.

#gimmehyuck #masterlist #nct 127 #nct 127 au #nct #nct dream #nct dream au #mark au #mark lee #mark lee au #mark lee fic #mark lee x you #mark lee x reader #mark lee x y/n #mark lee fluff #mark lee angst #technically?#this made me fall for mark so hard ngl #he’s so precious

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honeym4rk · 2 years

Text

skinship - kisses

in a relationship where your boyfriend finds physical affection rather awkward, you’d best believe it would’ve taken some time for him to warm up to the idea of skinship- skin to skin, a hand on his, cheeks crashing together as close as possible. but the patience comes at a good cost- mark has several ways to close the distance between you.

previous (lightswitch)

summary: it shouldn't be this hard to go about kissing mark.

something you never expected at the start of your relationship was mark’s initial hesitance to kiss you.

of course, naturally, it takes some time for two people to cross their own boundaries of comfort, to enter, invade, and conquer another’s territory of personal space. some people forego this careful caution in a budding relationship, and dive right into one another. neither you or mark are some people.

and it’s not that you think mark is particularly bold: you know he isn’t very upfront and confident in expressing his feelings for you. you’ve known this from the very start, when his friends had to literally push him to ask you out, and the very awkward first conversation you had. you know he can get a bit shy, but part of you always thought, that every now and then, he’d have bursts of the courage that he has when he’s on stage. mark can definitely be suave, and cool, and charming, but mostly when he’s in his element and knows exactly what he’s doing.

right now, in this moment, he has no idea what he’s doing.

the credits of the Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle are starting to roll, and you’re stuck frozen in the burrow you’ve made in the fold of the sofa, head resting on his shoulder as his arm is wrapped loosely around your side. it’s been holding you like this since the halfway point of the movie- you didn’t notice, but he let out a sigh of relief and satisfaction when he succeeded in placing it there. he stretched, arms going as high as they possibly could, before his limb wandered and found its way pulling you closer to him. cliche, he knows, but a win for him nonetheless. he had to hold back his grin when you leaned into his body.

at first, you could feel his fingers ghosting the frayed threads of your jean shorts, like his wrist was stiff and his hand was afraid to open up so his palm would make full contact with the skin of your thigh. but as the movie progressed, and he constantly broke into his cute, little, hearty giggle that somehow sent his entire body into motion, his hand started to ease, fingers drumming on your supple skin, drawing circles on it, accidentally hitting it when he laughs a bit too hard.

he gulps, and breathes, “wow, that movie was not as bad as i thought it was.”

“yeah, it was pretty good.” neither of you make an effort to move out of the position. a slight shift could mean this rare moment of comforting proximity that you waited so long for would vanish in an instant, like a bubble popping after floating around in glee. so you force your head to continue facing the screen, eyes boring into the tiny, white words that are scrolling away.

before you know it, even the credits have finally come to a close, and your eyes are fixated on the next netflix recommendation, Jumanji: The Next Level that’s about to play in 5, 4, 3, 2,

your head snaps up to turn, still balanced on the ball of his shoulder. when you face him, you’re staring right at him. he does that stupidly attractive thing where he turns his head towards you before his eyes land on yours, and your eyes are now locked on his. you bite your lip to ease just a little bit of your restlessness, and this movement causes his eyes to dart to your lips for just a split second.

he gulps again.

screw it, you’re gonna have to say something.

“are you gonna kiss me?” oh my god. not that. stupid, stupid, self-sabotage.

his hand flies away from your leg, retreating back to him so he can make huge, sporadic gestures that speak for his panic and awkwardness.

“uhhh, i-” his hand is rubbing at his nose, and though it’s dark and his head is turned away from you once again, the light from the television lets you see the pink tint that begins to dust his cheeks. “i mean, if you, if you, um, want me to,”

you don’t know why you find this so cute- you literally felt just as awkward as he does a second ago, but seeing him freak out somehow fortifies you to prod at him a little more. besides, you realise that if you don’t make a move now, after at least a month and a half of going out with him, mark’s probably never going to.

your face scrunches up into a chuckle and you don’t take your eyes off him- “well, do you want to?”

“i mean, i-i totally do want to,” his hand is on his chest, and it comes down as he points at you with his thumb, “i’m just really scared that you- don’t? i don’t know,” mark leans forward from the couch to run his fingers through his hair, and you tug at his shirt sleeve multiple times to pull him back.

“i do, mark, i really do.”

“um, okay! great. cool,” he squeaks out, and his movements to almost close the gap between your faces are so mechanic, and panic settles onto his mind and his features, “oh, but i, uh, sorry if i’m a bad kisser or anything, i don’t really get much uh, practice in this, haha.”

you have to turn your face away to hold back a giggle at this cute, shy mess of a boy, before you finally compose yourself, and let one hand gently cup the side of his jaw, and reassuring, “it’s fine. sorry if i’m no good either.”

you smile, and plant the briefest kiss on the corner of his mouth. then you let go.

“now, how was that?”

“t-that wasn’t even a kiss!”

“really?” you laugh, bringing your legs up onto the couch to kneel and face him completely. this time, you hold both of his cheeks in both of your hands before closing your eyes and pressing your lips on his, for a while longer now, and you’re just about to pull away when you feel fingertips ghosting up your jaw, and feel him tilt his head so that his mouth fits perfectly in the crevices of yours.

“what about now?”

“better.”

he shifts his body to fully face you too, and your mouths meld together just a few more times, and the feeling of his fingers gripping at you, lips chasing after yours, drowns out the background noise of kevin hart bickering with dwayne johnson. you’re melted into this moment, and you don’t want it to end.

another thing you never really expected from mark was- well, his fear of sudden pecks, those that catch him off-guard, those that come when he least expects them to. they don’t give him any time to react, or prepare, or take a breath so he doesn’t combust when your lips touch his skin.

you’ve made out a few times with him so far in the couple of times you’ve seen him since that very night, and so you thought that he’d appreciate the quick, little kisses, but you probably shouldn’t have assumed.

he’s getting ready to leave your apartment after another movie night, and just before he walks out the door, he hugs you goodbye, and before he can pull back, you sneak a kiss on the tiny corner of his mouth that’s turned up into a smile. or at least, you try to.

he flings himself out of your grasp, head jerking back so fast and hard that you almost tumble into him from the momentum, and both of you stare in complete shock at one another.

“oh, ummm, sorrysorrysorry, haha, awwwkwaaaard!” your hands fly to the air in surrender as if you’ve been caught red-handed, and your feet take slow, tiny steps away from him.

“that’s my bad, oh my god i’m sorry,” your words are drowned out by his, and every cell in you is cringing from embarrassment and from worry and fear that you’ve done something wrong, something you shouldn't have done, did you go too far? are you stupid for thinking that would be okay?

“sorry, i, uh, i think it’s like, muscle memory to move away because haechan and the guys, well, mostly haechan, always tries to do that kinda thing. i-it’s not you! i swear! you’re great! haechan, not so, you know what i mean? like i wanna kiss you too but in that moment my body prepared for fight or flight, you know? oh my god i’m so sorry.” he’s doing that thing with his gestures again, frantically waving his hands to ensure you visually comprehend that it’s not your fault.

this revelation comes like a knife slicing through the tension that once was, and you hide your face behind your hands in relief, giggling at the stark weirdness of it all, but you also can’t shake off the tinge of sadness from the rejection. it wasn’t directed towards you, you know, but you just can’t help but feel a little taken aback by what happened.

he grabs your wrists, pulling you towards him, and encouraging you to try again.

“okay, go on. i’m ready now. sorry. just not used to this.” his cheeks are a deep shade of red, and his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

you’re smiling throughout the entire, brief, kiss goodbye.

nearly six months have passed, and you try to give him a peck every now and then, just to see if he still retracts in fear, and you can see him tense up every time you try.

so you stop.

the last time you’d tried was right before he left for tour, and in your endless contemplation of your relationship (you had way too much time on your hands not to fall down the rabbit hole of thinking), you come to the conclusion that maybe it’s just something you don’t have to do to mark. with mark, for mark. besides, there are other ways to express your love for him anyways- he doesn’t cringe when you run your fingers through his hair, or when you wrap your arms around him in a bear hug from behind. probably because he doesn’t mind when his friends do it too. and it’s not like you can’t kiss him entirely, you just have to make sure he’s fully aware of the sparks that are about to fly when your lips touch, instead of the little zaps of static that come when he least expects them to, the ones that he shies away from.

it’s been a week since he’s returned. a week since your suffering has finally come to an end, a week since the longing that filled your entire being to the brim finally drained out when your body collided into his when you embraced after what felt like an eternity. it took everything in you not to jump at him when you saw him at your door, so instead of fighting against your growing excitement, you run straight into his arms, hopping as his hands link together to prop you up.

it’s hard not to tear up- the sight of mark in the flesh is overwhelming and sensational and you’re burying your face into his neck, hands playing with the hair at his nape. what used to be short, clipped ends that pricked at your fingers have now grown into something like a mullet- you remember when you saw photos of him online the other day and started crying because it was a reminder of just how much time was passing without him around. you’re crying, now, too, and mark starts to giggle you can hear just how tired he is from the grogginess of his voice- “aw, babe, are you crying?”

“no.” he tries to nudge at you so you can pull your head back, but you stick to him like a koala wrapped around a tree until he lets go of your legs and tries to tickle you.

“awwwww, nooo! you’re making me want to cry too!” he whines, and you wipe your tears away on the sleeve of your sweater before finally looking up at his face through your glossy eyes. his face has changed, too. his eyebags are puffy, his cheeks are sunken in the slightest bit, and his jawline is more prominent than you remember it to be. his face feels just a little smaller in your hands when you hold him, and you’re staring, wondering if it’s been so long that you’ve simply forgotten the tactile sense of touching him, feeling him.

before this can spur any more tears from escaping, you’re sent into overdrive, since he crashes his lips into yours. the initial shock flickers out and you take in the jolts of electricity coming at you, the storm of repressed zeal and yearning unleashing between the two of you. it’s been so long and yet you can still remember how mark kisses- when he turns his head to nip at more of you, his arms link around your shoulders, and then the next time one hand cups your face, his thumb trailing up and down your jaw, and eventually his mouth strays away from yours, and he plants kisses all over your face, trailing down to your neck, and then… he doesn’t have to tell you he missed you for you to know.

you’ve seen him almost everyday since he’s come back- he likes to come over just to catch up on sleep in your room as you study. just so you can spend a little more time in your day with one another. there have been more cuddles, more back massages (you even gave him one this time), more sitting in his lap, and he even tries to pick up the skill of braiding your hair. so far, you’ve stuck to your resolution of not stealing pecks out of the blue- so the only thing there isn’t more of is kisses. it’s good, you think- you let him initiate and then you return, so you’re sure you don’t have to take him by surprise.

tonight, you’re in the middle of submitting an assignment, when you hear your phone ping from across the room. then it pings, again and again, in succession, and you’re about to go over and read the messages before it blows up into a full phone-call, the marimba ringtone blaring through the speakers.

it’s johnny, and in the split second before you answer the phone, you can only assume the worst has happened- you know mark’s with him, they had a company dinner to celebrate the end of their tour- what, did he get into an accident? did he pass out? did he-

“hello? y/n?” there’s a sense of urgency in his voice, and the curiosity is really starting to eat you alive.

“hey, john, what’s up? is everything okay?” you hear a groan in the background, and it turns into a long, howl-like wail that subsides into sob.

“yeah, uh, not really. you heard that? that’s uh, it’s mark. i think he’s had too much to drink, and it’s not like he’s never gotten drunk before, he’s definitely had more before, but i’ve never seen him this, uh-”

“is that y/n?!” you can hear mark hiccup, “y/n! baaaaaaby babe y/n!” he’s still crying, and you’re so worried. mark hasn’t really expressed much sadness ever since he returned, and most of the time he’s very frank with his emotions- so if he was ever sad about anything, you’d think you would’ve heard about it by now.

you can hear someone else shushing him, and johnny continues- “i think he really wants to see you right now, so can we just drop him off at yours? you can just text me your address, i don’t think he’s in a state of mind to give directions right now.” the sobbing is still ongoing, albeit a tiny bit more muted than it was before.

“um, yeah. of course. i’ll send it to you. is.. is he alright? what happened?”

“well, i’m not very sure, actually. he was fine at the start, and then started to get all giggly like he normally does when he’s had a few glasses, and then he had a tiny bit more, and got all sappy. and now we’re uh, we’re here. he does keep mentioning that he misses you, though. which i don’t get- since i’m pretty sure he spent the entire week with you, so….”

“right….okay. thanks johnny. has he like, thrown up or anything?”

“uhh, nope. don’t think so. hopefully he doesn’t. or hopefully he does. he’ll probably feel better after.”

“yeah. you can call me when you get here, i’ll buzz you in. see you!”

you hang up, and are left alone only with the many questions you have, and wow, you’ve never felt more nervous in your entire life. not when you did that interview for a scholarship, or when you had your finals, or when you drove for the first time. this imminent fear is much more terrifying- especially because you were under the presumption that you knew exactly what was happening. in everything else you feared the unknown, the uncertainty of it all, but this, you feel like you were supposed to know- you thought there was nothing between you and mark, thought he was just as transparent as you had been with him.

this week had been complete bliss for you, having him in close proximity again. you’re treasuring every moment with him much more now, holding everything right to your heart, actively storing every scene of him in your hippocampus for later viewing. what could’ve gone wrong? was that not enough? what’s changed? you can only wander around your apartment as your mind runs wild. is he stressed? is this some cathartic release? does he suddenly hate what he’s doing?

the wait is painfully long- almost making the four months without mark cease to nothing, and you try everything not to think about him. you submit the assignment, you try to beat your record on minesweeper, you watch a couple of youtube videos but lose interest, and text a close friend for emotional support. before the soul-crushing impatience can actually kill you, you hear the ringing on your intercom, and you’ve never pressed the accept button so fast.

you don’t even wait for them to ring your doorbell. that would just cause more delay. you open the door right away, and peek outside, and the lift doors burst open and mark’s whines reverberates along the tight corridor. johnny’s carrying him piggyback, and the sight of him like this makes you so, incredibly sad- it pulls at your heartstrings and you feel suffocated by the tightening hold that it has on you. if he wasn’t so upset, maybe you would’ve laughed at how cute and snug he looks stuck onto johnny’s back.

mark’s face morphs into a giddy smile when he sees you, letting out a garbled call for you, and you greet johnny as he slips his shoes off to carry him into the living room and plop him onto the couch. you begin to untie his shoe-laces so you can get his shoes off, and you sigh, “thanks so much for your help johnny. do you need anything? need a glass of water… or?”

“no, i’m good. taeil’s waiting downstairs, anyway.”

you walk him to the door with mark’s shoes, placing them right at the entrance. “right. well, um, thanks again! hope you guys get back safe. i’ll see you around.”

“yup, see you. hope he’ll be okay.”

the door is shut, and you can finally focus all your attention on the boy that’s caused you so much concern in the past thirty minutes. you sit right by his head on the couch, and when you try to get rid of the denim jacket he’s wearing, he stirs.

“baaabe?”

“hey, markie. what’s got you all upset?” you kneel on the floor so you can slip the jacket right off of him, and his swollen, tear-filled eyes are following you as you move. when you get close enough, you’re taken aback because he smooches you, missing your lips completely, and the sweet, gentle kiss lands on your chin.

it’s the first time he’s ever done that- first time he’s ever gone in for a kiss without you looking- and you have to sit and blink to try and figure out if you’re imagining things.

his hand reaches out for you, lips still puckered as he tries again and again to kiss you anywhere on your face, and as intriguing as it is, it’s more concerning since it’s mark. your mark- the one that didn’t really seem to like it when you did this, the one who pretty much repelled away from any of the sudden pecks you gave him.

you sweep his hair to the side, and before you can even try asking again, his hand falls limp, and he drawls, “you don’t wanna ki-kiss me anymore.” tears are starting to well in his eyes again, and you have to force yourself not to give up on how confusing this entire situation is.

“what? babe, who told you that?” you’re chuckling, but trying not to, because he’s literally about to cry ohmygodwhat.

“yoooooou,” he whines, “you haven’t kissed me since i, i got back!”

you brush a tiny droplet from his eye with the pad of your thumb, and then go back to stroking his hair. you try not to show your incredulity, but it’s a little hard when you have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. “but i have! we even kissed yesterday, mark! remember?”

“yeaaah we kissed! but i kissed you.” he’s so funny- even as his eyes are closed and he faces the ceiling, he still has to point at himself and then at you when he says this, and then he pauses and continues, “you haven’t tried to kiss me since i left. like, reeeaaally tried. and i can’t figure out whhhhhy.”

oh. what?

“well, markie, right now i don’t really wanna kiss you since you’re kinda stinky,” you try to joke, but his eyes shut even tighter and he’s about to burst into tears again, “noooooo! i’ll go brush my teeth-”

“but didn’t you say you’re not used to it? i didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable. you didn’t seem to like it very much.”

“but i diiiiiid! i missed you so much when i was away,” a hiccup. “and then i felt so sad,” another hiccup. “because i remembered how sad you got the first time,” and another hiccup. “and then when i got back i was soooo excited for you to do it, so i could do it back to you, and you never did.” his mouth turns into a pout, and his nose sniffles.

this is what he was upset about? no way. there is no way he got so sad because you decided not to kiss him out of the blue anymore. it makes your heart swell in confusion- because, what the hell, mark is just, for the lack of a better word, so darn cute. you can’t believe that this, out of everything you could’ve had a miscommunication about, is what he was hiding from you.

“awwww, i’m sorry babe. i really thought you didn’t want me to.” you coo, and lean in closer to press your lips to his forehead. “look! i’ll give you sooo many right now!” you kiss him all over his face, and the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile, and he starts to giggle, complaining that it tickles.

“but why didn’t you tell me? i would’ve done it if you’d asked.” you begin to trace your finger all over his features, stopping at his nose to boop at it.

he heaves out a sigh, and you can tell he is a mere minute away from dozing off to sleep with how slowly he speaks, “i dunno, it just seemed silly to tell you. but this, it’s probably even sillier.”

you pinch at his nose. “yeah, i’m glad you know, mark.”

you know you once said that a small peck on the lips didn’t mean much to you, but right now, it’s your favourite way of showing him you care. just the thought of both of you unknowingly reciprocating the exact same yearning for each other is so amusing, and it gives you butterflies to know just how similar you are to one another. it’s more than simple skin on skin- it’s when two lines, so parallel and alike, tend towards one another and meet in an oblique. and though these lines have to part afterwards, they curve, bend, and loop to find their way back. you’ve never believed in infinity- it’s stupid to think that anyone or anything is completely limitless- but in this moment you can only wish for your lines to join and travel endlessly.

when you return with a face towel to wipe his dried tears and snot away, you give him your sweetest, last kiss goodnight.

a/n: ahhhhh lol sorry for taking a while for this update (if anyone's been waiting hahahah) i was busy with exams and decided to finally take a break to finish writing this! i've started to realise that every time i start writing i feel so accomplished, and then by the time i get to the end i just feel like the end product is disappointing aaghdaghag lol

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haekisses · 1 year

Note

hi pretty princess can you do more mark texts pls !😘

yes ofc i can, enjoy!

MARK BF TEXTS.

requests are open !

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writtenbymkl · 9 months

Text

╰┈➤ synopsis: it’s simple. mark lee wants to date you, the problem? he doesn’t know a single thing about you and when your friend gives him the first boyfriend trial, he fails.

╰┈➤ pairing: mark x reader

- MINI SERIES -

genre: comedy, romance, fluff, smau

warnings: swearing, jokes abt death

status: coming very soon !

started: august 2, 2023

completed: n/a

updates: everyday

taglist: open ! please comment or pm if you’d like to be added :)

a/n: i’m super excited to release this bc it’s in mark’s pov which i’ve never done … i was also debating on whether i wanted to upload or not bc i always have ideas and just type out what i think & then give up but i was like … it doesn’t have to be a long au, i could just make it a mini series 🤔 i mean the chapters are pretty long but it’s enough to make it a 3 part series so i hope you enjoy reading once it’s out :D

CHAPTER 1: who is that fine babe? 🤓☝️

CHAPTER 2: are you cheating on me? 🙁

CHAPTER 3: i would suck your toes if you asked 🦶

END.

©writtenbymkl

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mushroomkwan · 1 year

Text

to lie under [m]

sequel to rite of sin

SYN: You've become adjusted to the life of a concubus, fucking and eating the essence of the living until you've had your fill. Life proceeds as such, until you find yourself summoned, like Donghyuck had been, to the service of a human.

TAGS/WARNINGS: I did way more research and story building here so it has some facts that were different in rite of sin, demonic activity, demonic imagery, biting and bleeding, incubi, succubi, concubi, m/m/f threesome, anal fingering and ass eating (m receiving), oral (f and m receiving), squirting, unprotected sex (f receiving and m receiving), anal penetration and sex (m receiving), hickeys, polyamory, markxdonghyuck (I don't ship them together, THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION)

word count: 4.4k

A loud wail escapes into the room around you, and you'd have half a mind to slap your hands over your ears and drown it out, if it wasn't feeding you with such a delicious feeling. This woman keens under you, this poor human who found herself victim to your charms, and she cums like a tornado siren, sudden and almost alarming. You take in her essence, every drop she spills, and lick your fingers clean, standing from the bed and stretching your wings behind you.

"Wait, don't go! We....we could keep going." She pleas when she sees your wings spreading, and you feel pity towards her. She's weakened, clutching her chest and taking heavy breaths and yet she still yearns for the pleasure you'd just given her.

Poor baby.

"Shhh, rest now. I've gotten all I need from you. Now, forget this." You use your honed ability of manipulation to wipe her memory of the event, feeling indifferent when you watch her eyes close and her body fall back limply. You look back at the wings she so adored, and smirk to yourself. When you'd first woken in hell as a Concubus, a versatile sex demon, they were the first thing you noticed before the colour of your skin, the tail, eyes and fangs, all of it. You'd grown wings, bat-like that stretched behind you, it was amazing. Now they were just your mode of transport, and your sexiest physical trait.

"I would argue your sexiest trait is your eyes, but that would be too romantic."

Turning around, you see your husband, leaning against the bedpost in such a way your desire is lit up once again, curling your tail around his thigh as you come closer to him.

"Too romantic? For me? Donghyuck, you know I live for romance. I died for it." You give him a hungry kiss, dragging your tongue and fangs against the skin of his jaw and neck, and he pulls at the back of your hair, eliciting a whine from you.

"Ah ah ah, you've already fucked this woman silly, I'm not going to be your sloppy seconds. At least…I'm not going to be here." He teases you and you feel your skin heat under his gaze. It always went like this, and you loved it. You fucked and from the humans, but with Donghyuck you made love. You made love so passionate you'd think you'd travelled to heaven every time. He was your eternal flame, your bond transcended time. It took almost a decade of earning your wings to get to this point, but you wouldn't trade it for the world.

"A human has summons for you, Concubus Y/D/N. And for you as well, Incubus Azonach." Hearing Lubell the Imp's voice you turn to see him flapping his pathetic little wings while looking at a clipboard with his telltale bored expression. Donghyuck cringes at the use of his demonic name.

"For the both of us? How?" You ask and Donghyuck slides over to your side, looking at Lubell with indifference.

"Does it matter, my love? Someone wishes for us both. What do you say to an extra meal?" He asks and Lubell rolls his eyes when Donghyuck nibbles at your ears with his fangs as you mull it over. A summons is a summons, you must respond if it was done correctly. However, how did they summon you both? Your candle formation was mostly new, and similar to Dongyuck's, could they have meant just him? It didn't matter, you had to answer the call.

"Let's go, my sun and moon."

The room is boring, yet surprisingly homey. As you phase through the ring of flames, moulded into Donghyuck's side with a leg wrapped around him, you look at the room before the poor soul who'd summoned you. The bed was a California king, so large and open. The windows were shut tight, with something sealing it, lest the wind ruin the candles and the entire summoning process. And finally, the owner of the room is kneeling before you, looking up at the two of you with such awe his eyes tear up, and his heart races. He's beautiful, and he's perfect.

"Look, love, he did summon us both. How sweet of him." As you and Donghyuck set down onto the hardwood floor softly, you notice that in fact, he'd somehow combined your candle formations together with an extra candle.

"I didn't mean to. I only meant to summon Sastronar." The man whimpers, and you bark out a laugh at his admission, wiping tears from your eyes.

"Sastronar? Oh, she'd get a kick out of this. Is the page ripped, sugar, how did you manage this?" As you ask, you curl your body around his shoulder and look down at the summoning book he'd used. It's crudely made, the leather slipping off its spine and the pages smelling moldy, but the words are clear. It is yours and Donghyuck's formations, only it's labelled Sastronar, and not your own namesake. The man closes the book and backs away from your touch, like you'd burned him with the simple graze of your chin. Donghyuck notices immediately.

"Well, you've summoned us both, so you get two for the price of one. What is your name, baby?" Donghyuck leans down and helps the man to his feet, and the man swallows down some fear, and tries to even his breathing, to answer.

"Mark. Mark Lee." He finishes and you rub at his shoulders, softly and gently as you use your concubus abilities to alleviate some of his fear. You can't take it all away, you'd be taking him away from himself, but you can help him.

"Mark...Mark. I like that. It's straight to the point. Well, you may call me Y/N, and you can call my husband Donghyuck. Do not be so afraid, we are here to please you. It is why you summoned Sastronar, is it not?" You ask, slowly inching your hands from his shoulders to his waist, and he doesn't fight it off. You notice it quickly, how his skin itches for your hands to hold his hips, and you inhale the amount of want coming from him. Donghyuck licks his lips at the taste.

"Yes…I know that Incubi is derived from the Latin word inccubare…."to lie on". I wanted..." He trails off with a dusting of crimson against his cheeks, looking at you for help. He's almost ashamed to say it aloud.

"Oh, sweet baby, you can say it. There is nothing wrong with submitting yourself as a man. Do you want to submit yourself to us?" You already know that answer, and so does Donghyuck, and because you know this, you also know that Mark is aroused by being cared for. Of being reassured that he's in control, despite the obvious fact that he isn't.

"Yes I want that. I've never done it before, but everytime I watch porn, I find myself watching pegging videos and gay porn. Does that make me weird, or gay?" He asks in sudden confession and Donghyuck takes the lead in answering this.

"Well, what do you think it means? Are you attracted to her? Do you want to fuck her?" He asks and Mark looks you over. Your body has grown some curve since you'd formed as a Concubus, but you'd mostly retained your human body. Carapace armor clings to your shoulders and your tits in a way that frames them, and lets the light catch them. Your succubus mark is proudly displayed on your naval, where you wear nothing underneath. Yes, he's attracted to you. Very much so. And yes, he would like to fuck you.

"Yes, you are. And now, are you attracted to me? Do you want to fuck me?" Donghyuck continues, standing up and showing himself off to the human. He's shirtless, as are most Incubi, with a low hanging armor plate and sharp carapace pieces on his shoulders, just like you. His body is lean, with fit abs and strong legs, and a proud cock on display. Mark swallows, and you can feel his own cock harden as he does, looking Donghyuck up and down. He wants to fuck you both, but he wants to fuck Donghyuck most of all.

"Well, there's the answer to that question. Have you considered that you're bicurious? Perhaps my wife and I could settle that curiosity." Donghyuck sits Mark onto the bed with ease, and you slide onto his other side, placing your hands on his hip and the other on his shoulder. He blushes deeply, and nods, removing his shirt. Donghyuck makes the first move, pressing a light kiss to Mark's cheek, and then another, another, and another as it slowly trails to his neck, his shoulders. Small whines pant from his mouth as he leans back to give Donghyuck access.

"So beautiful." You praise him as you take the other side of his neck, soft and gentle, but it rages into something more as the time passes, and Donghyuck still travels down Mark's body, leaving red skin and bruised hickeys in his wake.

"How far do you want to go, sugar?" You pull back from him and he thinks, looking at Donghyuck, who has made his way to kneeling in front of Mark.

"All the way. You only live once, right?" Mark speaks after a moment of sensual silence, and you give Donghyuck a knowing look.

"Sure. Now, I've seen it in your eyes. The way you look at him. Donghyuck lay back, I think our pet wants to suck you off. You've practised, haven't you? You look at him with a strange confidence." You look at Marks eyes, now staring at Donghyuck's armour piece with a glint in his eye and Donghyuck smirks, laying back and gesturing to himself. Mark couldn't have gone to him faster, the lust over fueling his shyness. Well, mostly.

"Do I just…suck you off or what?" He asks and Donghyuck takes the lead, guiding Mark's head to his own, kissing the man's neck again while you watch, retracting your claws and rubbing slowly at your clit. Mark goes farther and farther down, finally reaching Donghyuck's cock and licking a stripe against it. The incubus sings his praise as Mark gets on all fours to fully put his body into sucking Donghyuck's cock. The room is full of wanton noises of Mark humming and slurping against your husband's dick, who in turn is groaning and biting his lip.

"Yes, you're so good at this baby. Doing so well. Donghyuck, I think I should prepare him for you." You fly to the space behind him, sliding his pants down to his knees, and then off his legs completely. And the sight you see is such a welcome one.

"He prepared for us love. Shaved, and cleaned. You're such a good boy." You press a kiss to his ass, and slide your forked tongue against the rim of his entrance, your hand clutching the fat of his ass cheeks. He whimpers and moans onto Donghyuck's dick, and you revel in the taste of his pleasure. He'd probably prepped himself, and you can't help but moan at the image of him laying on his bed, ass up stretching himself out for you. In his stress, he'd tensed, but you'd relaxed him. And now you stretch his hole with your tongue, and your hand pumps his cock agonisingly slowly.

"Fuck, mhmm." He groans in pleasure, backing into your face for more and sucking Donghyuck down so hungrily, like a lifeline. The incubus has a hand gripped into Mark's fluffy hair, clutching at it and guiding Mark into a rhythm that has his hip stuttering in their movements.

"I want…I want Donghyuck to fuck me. And I want to eat your pussy." Mark backs away to look back at you with a flushed face and half-lidded eyes. You massage your tits as Donghyuck speaks to him.

"You know just what you want. Come on darling, your turn. I'll go at your pace, Mark." Donghyuck speaks and you slide into the space under Mark, his arms surrounding your body. Seeing him look at you, while Donghyuck stands behind him, makes your insides burn.

"Thank you." Mark suddenly confesses praise, and you can't stop him as he gives you a small, soft peck. Your arms holding him at a large distance immediately, eyes blown wide. He looks at you with hurt, and Donghyuck looks at you in concern.

"He's kissed me….oh darling, he kissed me." You feel everything at once. Heartbreak, hope, confusion, lust, it all mixes in your head and you find yourself tearing up. Donghyuck pulls way from him and sits him down, and you feel the scene has become too familiar, holding your wings around your body.

"What?! What? What's happening? You're scaring me." Mark whines, crying out in shock as the mark of Asmodeus glows, etches itself into the skin above his cock and you look at Donghyuck from between your wings as he takes the initiative, calming Mark down, who stares a the mark in fearful awe.

"When you fuck sex demons such as ourselves, it's just sex. However, kissing our lips is seen as loving, romantic, as commitment, before God. You have damned yourself to a different eternity in hell. You'd become one of us when you die." You see it in Mark's eyes then, something so fearful he goes quiet with widened eyes. He would not react the same as you did all those years ago.

"What…? I-I just wanted to kiss you I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He's not crying, at least not yet, but he is running at the mouth, panting and biting his lip in worry. However, you and Donghyuck can taste in the air, in his words.

He's still turned on by it. He's afraid, shit, he's terrified, but he's turned on by it.

"Sweetheart, what scares you about it? You aren't going to die now, if that is what you think." You speak, wrapping a wing around his shoulder to comfort him.

"I don't want to fuck everyone. I barely got the courage to summon you, most of all to fuck you. I…I don't want to become a whore." Mark speaks after a moment and Donghyuck looks at you with a look. You question it, wondering where this might lead.

"You will not be a whore. When you become one of us, the instincts will come to you like a fly to honey. It's how to live as one of us. And don't worry, you will have Y/N and I. We'll be with you." Donghyuck rests his hand on Mark's thigh, and you rest your head on his shoulder. He takes several moments to think, and you prepare yourself to go back to Hell on a hungry stomach. You have enough to last, but it wouldn't be a meal.

"I think I've made my peace with it…I wasn't exactly going to Heaven anyways, y'know? And if I were to go to hell, I'd be tortured for all eternity. I don't think sex is torture, so it's better to have sex forever then to be in agony." He was surprisingly educated about how one dies, despite humans not truly knowing. You're proud of him for making peace with it. You went out a bit different than he did. He wouldn't spend his time in jail, rotting away until finally someone took him out. He was a peaceful sinner. The kind with his humanity intact.

"That's good. Do you still want us to have sex with you?" You ask, even though you know the answer.

"Yes, please? Can I still kiss you now? Would that be rude to you? I also want to kiss you." He asks you, before turning to Donghyuck too. Your husband licks his lips.

"You can kiss us all you want." Mark latches himself onto him when he gets the go ahead, kissing him feverishly. Their mouths clash together while you slide your hands around his hips, sliding upwards and down, admiring his body.

"Mm I still want to eat you out Y/N." Mark breaks away from Donghyuck with his lips swollen and you nod, bringing him to you in a flush kiss, tasting his tongue for yourself. He brings his mouth to your tits, sucking and bubbling onto the hardened nipples of your left breast, his other hand kneading the flesh of your hip.

"You're so pretty." He pants the words breathlessly and you burn, looking away and into Donghyuck's eyes as Mark mouths and teeth against your chest, across your ribs, lower.

"I'm going to fuck you now, baby, you ready for me?" Donghyuck asks, groping at Mark's hips and he breaks away from your navel to nod rapidly, arching his back and returning to your pussy with a starved tenacity. His tongue flicks and sucks at your folds, and you move against his ministrations. Donghyuck spits a generous amount of lubricant into his hand and into the space between Mark's ass. As the human eats your pussy, Donghyuck lines himself with his entrance and rests the tip of his cock against it.

"Are you ready for me? I need words this time, Mark." Donghyuck speaks again and Mark whimpers, upset to stop but happy to start.

"Yes, please fuck me. Use me. Both of you, use me." Mark groans and licks against your folds once again, making his way to your clit and sucking tenaciously. You grab ahold of his hair and grind against his face, biting your lip. You know when Donghyuck has entered him, because a low grain escapes him, and Mark moans loudly against your pussy, the reverberations feeling delicious. His entire body moves, slowly, back and forth as Donghyuck creates a pace, adjusting for the both of them and groaning in pleasure.

"Nngh, fuck!" Mark moans, shrill and breathy, biting his lip and panting as Donghyuck increases the pace. To see him like this is a blessing, watching his fucked out expression looking at yours, his lips swollen and his chin glossy with your juices. And his eyebrows twist with pleasure as he cries out, grabbing hold of your hips and continuing to eat your pussy again. He moans and groans, sucks and licks, moving his head up and down, he does it all and you feel an orgasm approaching like wildfire, coming towards you, fast and intense. You grip his hair, and clench, before letting go of it all.

"Oh Asmodeus!" You praise your patron and cum against Mark's tongue, feeling cum spray against his face and soak the fabric underneath your bodies. Recovering from your orgasm, you slide yourself under him, bringing him into a kiss as his body moves forward with every thrust. You taste yourself on his tongue, and feel yourself smear onto your own face. He's whimpering and whining into your mouth and you bring his ear to your lips, whispering.

"Fuck me while he fucks you. I know you can do it." You extend your legs to wrap around him, looking at Donghyuck from Mark's shoulder, and he nods, changing your angles slightly. Mark lines himself with you, and kisses you again, and with the first thrust, he fucks into you.

"Mmnf!" It's your turn to moan into his mouth as Donghyuck essentially fucks you both, every sharp thrust of his hips drives Mark's into yours, and you clung onto him as you close your eyes, arching back almost far enough for your horns to hit the bed above you.

"So good for us. So good for me." Donghyuck growls, fangs bared, and he does something so sexy you moan at the mere sight of it. He bites Mark, on his shoulder, and the human screams in ecstasy, as blood drips down his skin and drops hit your body. You feel your second orgasm sneak its way through, building, and when Mark cries out and cums into your pussy, you let it crash against you, the two of you groaning and writhing in orgasmic bliss.

"Did that feel good, pet? Cumming inside me?" You ask and Mark nods, resting on your chest and panting as Donghyuck continues. Whereas your stamina was long, and you could cum many times, Donghyuck's stamina was longer, but he can only cum once. Twice on occasion.

"I love you." You let Mark say it in his lust-filled state, but give a glance to Donghyuck. He doesn't look upset at the notion. Not at all.

"I'm gonna cum inside you. Fill you up, nice and pretty." Donghyuck falters in his thrusts and falls rigid, relaxing and groaning as Mark jumps, moaning and whining as the incubi pumps cum into him. And once it's done Donghyuck pulls out, slowly and gently, before falling beside you. Mark finds his place, cradled between the two of you, and you move the hair that sticks to his face. There's no point in cleaning yourselves up. Once you go back to hell, any trace of you will be gone, except for the memories in his mind and the brand on his underbelly.

"What do you do for fun? What makes you happy?" You start the conversation first, as your arm drapes over his side and your hand holds your husband's. He goes red as he thinks about it.

"I'm in an idol group. It's me and twenty one others. We're called NCT. I rap." He laughs awkwardly and you smile. Donghyuck presses a kiss to Mark's forehead, bringing his arm to rest under the other's head.

"That does sound fun. How can you make music with twenty other people, though? That sounds difficult. And rap? Our baby does rap? I'd love to hear this." You look at him in alarm. What was he doing? However, hearing the pet name for Mark doesn't upset you. It delights you.

"Oh, really? Well, I could play you my song Golden Hour. I made it without the others." He excitedly stands and grabs his phone, nestling into the space between you like a puzzle piece. The piece he plays is funky, fresh, it's artistic and it makes your ears happy. You tap against his hip with the rhythm and your tail flicks to the beat. Donghyuck bops his head and looks at Mark teasingly as the lyrics boast of his prowess.

"That's amazing. And absolutely a diss track to Gordon Ramsay, what's your beef with him?" You ask and Mark laughs, opening a tweet after a couple searches to show Gordon Ramsay commenting on his eggs.

"You did fuck them up pretty badly. What happened?" Donghyuck laughs and Mark scowls, swatting a hand at his thigh. You could feel the pull back to hell in the base of your wings, and the tip of your horns. You wanted to stay with Mark a little longer though, so youinched closer and rested against him.

"It was years ago, and I have mastered eggs. Hence the song? What do you guys do for fun?" Mark asks and you laugh, looking him in the eye.

"Oh, duh, but surely outside of sex, something matters to you?" He asks, and you bite your lip, thinking about it.

"I sing, and she reads and writes. There are several levels of hell, just where the demons reside. One level has this stage I perform on when I'm not feeding, and a library I almost lose her in. Listen, we do not have much time, but we will be there that day, okay? Whenever it happens, we'll be there." Donghyuck's legs are the first thing to start fading away, and you see your arm start to go too. Mark nods, smiling tearfully.

"Yeah, okay. Thank you again...for everything. I can't wait to see you again." Mark presses a final kiss upon each of your lips, and you both hold him, closing your eyes. When they open, you're greeted by Donghyuck in the fourth plane of hell, Asmodeus's plane, and a sad look crosses both your faces.

"Is it strange I…I miss him. Like, one fuck session with a stranger and I miss him?" You look at him with a yearning glance and Donghyuck nods solemnly.

"It is what happens when you damn a human. Once they've kissed you, you know they're dying for you. You can't help but feel you'd die for them too. I felt it with you." He speaks and you sit beside him. You think about Mark, who lays in his bed with a small smile on his face. His time of death is ten years from now. He'll be on stage with his members, singing and dancing to their newest single. And a sign above is going to fall on him, mangle his face, blood and gore will traumatize his members, and kill him. It's not a way that he deserves, but one he's going to go through anyways. His death will be instant though, and that's all you can hope for.

It's 2033, and you feel it in your heart first, that it's Mark's death day. You hold Donghyuck's hand and look at the gates, feeling a sense of anxiousness in you. Would Mark remember? And would he come through okay?

"Calm down, love, you came in fine and so will he." Donghyuck chides and you nod, looking back at the gate. Demons stream in succession, each getting taken by imps for review, but you'd already told them you'd handle getting Mark situated. You see him then, his fluffy mop of hair as he steps through being the first thing you see. He's a succubus, to lie under, with crimson red skin and smaller wings to match, and he looks for you in earnest. When he sees you, he runs, flying into both your arms and holding you so tightly his new claws dig into your skin.

"You waited." He sighs in relief and you scoff, gripping him tighter to your body and wrapping your tail with his. He marvels at his new body as you speak.

"Of course! We couldn't go back on a promise, especially one to you. Come, we'll show you the ropes." You pull him along and he holds your hands. This was all you needed. Donghyuck and Mark, your flames, your sun, and your moon.

Someone summons you again, but you don't care. You had eternity with them.

You couldn't be happier.

AHGHGH the ending feels rushed again and it was kind of rushed I mean I wrote this all in the span of two days, but that's the ADHD hyperfixation doing it's thing anyways it was going to be just a threesome but then my brain did this thing where it was romance or die so 😭

#kpop imagines #nct x reader #haechan x reader #mark x reader #mark lee #haechan #nct scenarios #nct dream smut #nct smut #nct 127 smut #donghyuck au #mark au

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kiachiako · 2 years

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l.mark recs

my library of favorites <3 all creds to authors

series

let’s break the ice pt.1 | @sehunniepotwrites 1.4k — in which you’re attending your college team’s hockey practice with your best friend and embarrassment ensues.

volleyball for dummies (in love edition) | @ddeonuism — Mark Lee has been called many things. Dedicated was one of them and that dedication lead him into joining NeoTech College's well coveted Women's Volleyball team, the NeoTech Tigers, as their manager in hopes of winning the infamous setter, Y/N's heart. But there was one problem, being academically inclined did not come with the extensive knowledge of anything related to the sport and to put it simply, Mark Lee doesn't know shit about Volleyball.

oneshots.

[m] surviving no nut november | @domjaehyun 28.8k — mark lee x fem!reader x lee haechan

[m] sweet cream, cold brew | @lucyandthepen 26.4k — something about mark lee keeps you up at night, and you’re pretty sure that it isn’t the lingering smell of espresso on his shirt.

[m] bed of spider webs | @neovisioned 26k — where you hate Mark Lee because he’s everyone’s favourite, to both students and teachers. if there’s a number one, there’s a number two, and that’s you. however, after a strange event in a lab, his grades crush down, leaving the number one spot vacant for your very eyes, but as everyone’s favourite looks more and more miserable, you can’t help but worry about him, not knowing that he became the famous friendly neighbourhood superhero that saved you that one night.

[m] pretty little weapon | @lisired 25.7k — A lifetime worth of adversity had brought you to Bloodlust. You joined them to escape your history, but with Mark Lee - an undercover narcotics agent with a secret to keep - comes the threat of being forced to confront your past. Old wounds are opened, but scars heal.

[m] follow through | @ncteez 23.5k — Mark managed to keep his best friend status with you even after you moved away. With a friendship strictly through imessage, facetime, and social media, it was surprisingly easy to keep him in your life. Even when things suddenly became sexual. By the time you move back home, you learn that the both of you talk big game through text, but nearly forgot how to communicate face to face.

[m] delphinium | pt.2 | @ncteez 23k — You should have known that when he said he loved you after such a small act of intimacy, he wasn’t thinking with his dick. Quite frankly, he didn’t know how to. You also should have known that by being his first, he probably wanted you to be his last.

where’s your good-natured gryffindor-slytherin rivalry? | @taelme 23k — friends-to-enemies-to-lovers, Hogwarts!au (fluff, mild angst, slow burn, mutual secret pining)

chiaroscuro | @ncteez 20.3k — the romanticization of art school is typical and no one romanticizes it more than mark lee, the too-confident messy-haired guy who, accidentally, makes people uncomfortable. to you though? it’s kind of flattering to become his focus.

[m] my little doll | @haechansdoll 20k — Humans have hormones, you understand that much. But does that explain why you can't stop the filthy daydreams that fill your head whenever you see a specific redhead? Does it excuse you for getting turned on by him simply breathing in your direction? And to make matters worse, he is off-limits, if your father found out you were messing with his prized boxer? You would be chained to a tower and your red-haired crush would be used as mincemeat.

safety zone | @cherryeoniis 19.1k — Mark Lee. The most perfect roommate and best friend that you could have asked for - except for the fact that he constantly messes up your laundry and can’t cook eggs very well. Even then, that doesn’t quite stop you from falling for him in your final year.

[m] give me the green light | @fadedncity 19k — street racing au, childhood friends to lovers, non idol au, college au, lil angst, fluff

[m] a clouded fate | @byunbaekby 17.2k — badboy!mark lee x female reader

would you be so kind? | @sehunniepotwrites 17k — It was ironic, really, how you had a love and hate relationship with flowers. Growing up as a florist’s daughter, your love and admiration for the language of flowers flourished at a young age. Your thoughts, however, changed when you were diagnosed with the sickness that killed with one of the things you loved the most. You weren’t sure what hurt more, though - the hammering agony your heart experienced every single time Mark looked at her so lovingly or the excruciating pain your lungs suffered through whenever you remembered your best friend loved her and not you.

[m] delphinium | pt 2 | @ncteez 16.2k — It wasn’t intentional. You don’t even know why you cared that he didn’t believe in pre-marital sex, but it didn’t stop you from arguing with him about it. You didn’t intend to win the argument either. Then again, he kind of let you.

[m] watch me | @sluttyten 14.6k — you pick up the voyeuristic habit of watching your neighbor that never closes his curtains and whose face you never see. on an unrelated note, you start dating the cute barista from down the street that also happens to live in the building across from yours. what could happen?

mark lee’s gluttony | @misfitneo 13.5k — mark lee’s gluttony will be his downfall. with the heavy burden as one of NEO’s heirs, he’s lived his whole life aiming for power; and when things get out of hand, you’re the one to suffer the consequences.

[m] gorgeous | @lucyandthepen 12.4k — you don’t know what in the football uniform mark is wearing is so attractive. maybe it’s how broad is shoulders always look in that jersey. maybe it’s how nicely accentuated his ass is when he’s running. or, maybe, just maybe, it’s how painfully conspicuous the outline of his cock is through those pants. or, you know. all of the above.

where do broken hearts go? | @rrxnjun 12k — you know what they say about past lovers that can remain just as friends - either they're still in love with each other, or they never were in the first place.

a series of white lies | @tyonfs 10.5k — in which it takes you six years to accept that you’re in love with mark lee. (it takes him one.)

[m] the girl is mine | @luvrkives 10.5k — mark and hyuck can't stop fighting over you. who fucks you better, who makes you laugh more, who you like most, who fucks you better, yada yada yada. but honestly, why argue when you would happily take them both?

[m] meant to break | @tyonfs 10.0k — when the mafia’s members task you to distract a detective that’s hot on their trail, you have no choice to accept. there’s no place for love when you’re simply a trap for lee minhyung to walk into, but you still want to immerse yourself into everything he is.

baseball (& other disasters) | @tqmies 10k — Everyone admired Mark Lee, starting pitcher of your school’s baseball team and famed ladies man. You, on the other hand, only know him as the boy who broke your dorm lobbies microwave the first time you met.

[m] pretty boy | @ncteez 9.3k — Mark’s favorite thing to do is sit alone at the library and enjoy the knowledge that his university offers. In contrast, your favorite thing to do is go to parties and enjoy as much chaos as possible. However, upon realizing your grades have dropped drastically due to this lifestyle, you have no choice but to approach Mark for help.

sticky situations | @mieohmy 9.2k — you never thought you’d be partners in crime with the red and blue spandex wearing hero who is not only your friend mark, but also the guy you secretly have a crush on.

[m] roommates | @smileysuh 8.3k — as Jungwoo's best friend, you have your pick of fratboys to date, including Jeno, who has a huge crush on you. But you're only attracted to Lee's that come in pairs, and you can't get roommates Mark and Hyuck off your mind.

day dream | @cozyjae 8.2k — 90s!au, mark lee x reader, brothers best friend au

blind love | @neocityarchive 7.2k — in which mark lee is so much more than just your best friend but you were too blind to realize it.

[m] the best man | @mrkis 6.5k — meeting the one for you at your best friend's wedding wasn't exactly how you imagined this day turning out, neither was fucking him in the bathroom of the venue.

heartbreak girl | @cinnajun 5.5k — during your first couple years of high school, mark was your closest friend; then, during your junior year, you began to distance yourself from one another after you got a boyfriend. two years later, your friendship rekindles, and mark finds himself feeling the same way he felt for you before. but, when you plan to meet up during the summer after your first year of university, disaster strikes, and mark is forced to keep his love for you bottled up once more.

[m] closed doors | @starryhyuck 5k — when your brother asks if a friend can stay in your spare bedroom, you don’t expect mark lee to show up on your doorstep.

[m] may i be blunt? | @raibebe 3.9k — stoner Mark x female reader

[m] cherry flavored thoughts | @neochan 3.8k — you invite mark over to study with ulterior motives and he happily goes despite having the filthiest thoughts of you.

[m] drive | @lisired 3.5k — behold mark lee - your hot uber driver who you keep getting. very embarrassing. you also fuck him.

3, 2, 1 | @justalildumpling 2.3k — at this point of your pathetically unrequited crush on your popular friend, it didn’t faze you when you found out that he wasn’t going to be at the same NYE party as you. but when he suddenly turned up to come find you did you start wondering that maybe you weren’t the only one with harboured feelings.

[m] mixtape moans | @starryhyuck 2.1k — you’ve learned that your shy boyfriend has written a song about you, incorporating sounds that are not made for the public to hear.

sex by the 1975 | @hyuckmov 1.8k — ex!mark x reader, jaehyun x reader (feat. best friend yeji)

#mark lee #nct #nct127 #nct dream #nct fic recs #mark fic recs #mark nct #nct u #nct au #nct imagines #nct fic #mark imagines #mark fic #mark au

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haespoir · 8 months

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texts w/ bf!mark!

lets go mark lee lovers!!

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lennysfridge · 5 months

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We need a blurb of Mark and Ana meeting after Mark loses Lola in the store and her being mad at him.

“oh my gosh, there you are.” mark says panicking seeing lola in a girls arm, lola goes straight into her uncles arms “i’m sor-“

hannah shakes her head “I’m gonna stop you there. You lost your baby in this huge store, do you know how dangerous that is, she could’ve been kidnapped or taken away and you wouldn’t even realize, that’s an irresponsible dad.”

“i’m not her dad, i’m her uncle.” she scoffs

“she should’ve been with you and you should’ve kept your eyes on her, she’s tiny and much worse things could’ve happened, don’t know how her parents will trust you if i hadn’t seen her.”, mark stood frozen looking at the girl walking away frustrated.

#mark au

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rosietaeyongswife · 2 years

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send my love | mark lee

SEND MY LOVE PARING: mark lee x reader GENRE: angst, established relationship, break up WC: 6k SUMMARY: high school gave you a lot of opportunities to meet a lot of people and one of them was your beloved boyfriend. mark never failed you make you laugh or smile. he was your sunshine in life who leads you happily through it. but years passed and both of you were stuck as boyfriend-girlfriend while all your old high school friends were now about to get married. mark promised you marriage and wedding ring one day. as days passed you knew it was a lie and mark’s inmaturity made you go mad everytime you were talking. TW: alcohol consumption, cursing, gaslighting, mentions of sex, abortion READ HERE

“mark.” browned haired gut was too busy to notice you. “mark lee.”

“what?” he didn’t even look at you. “i can’t right now. i am playing.”

“you’ve been playing for six hours now. can you help me with our place? it’s so dirty and we don’t have anything for dinner.”

“i can’t now. give me ten minutes babe.”

mark was still playing overwatch like his life depends on it. headshet on his head and pc on was your view of him for past few years. you could hear haechan’s voice through the headphones your boyfriend had on. sigh was all you could do because mark won’t help you at all. as always.

thing with mark lee was that he could play all day long. he could ignore you. he wouldn’t help you that much as you expected. while moving on together, you were excited for new adventure in your life because starting adults life with your lover is something everyone expect in their life at some point. well, no one told you how hard life living with man is. mark doesn’t understand he needs to help you in regular chores or basic life skills. whatever you told him to do, he end up messing it up because none of his parents ever cared to teach him basic chores because he was a “boy”.

mark lee also didn’t want to think about adult life for real. he didn’t understand money or saving money. new game? he bought it. new pc’s set? bought. both of you couldn’t let yourselfs for such a treats since he works in office not at well paid place and you are teacher in kindergarten. some furnitures in your flat are broken but mark never tried to fix them or tried to call a service.

“and i am done with a game. what should i do?” mark walked over to you while hugging you from the back. “i can do whatever you want.”

“i did it myself.” you rolled yor eyes. “we don’t have dinner so you can go for a chicken for us tonight.”

“got it babe.”

five minutes. ten minutes. fiveteen minutes. twenty minutes. an hour.

an hour passed since mark went for your dinner and you were growing inpatient since you were mad hungry. your boyfriend didn’t answer your calls and you was already bothered because something might happened. last thing possible to do was to call one of his friends.

“haechan? do you know maybe where’s mark?”

“oh hey y/n. yeah, he is here and play with me and jeno.” he laughed. “why?”

“are you kidding me? can you pass me to him?”

“sure.”

“mark, what the actual fuck are you doing at haechan’s?”

“shit.” he stood up with phone in his hand. “my bad, i forgot. fuck, i’ll be home in a few just wait.”

your boyfriend was hanging out with his friends while you were starving in your house worried about him.

“don’t fuckin come home tonight. stay with them and play your dumb ass games.”

you hung up on him and sighed. while mark choose to ignore it and do as you said, you ordered some chicken to your place and wanted to burst out crying. such a small things like that made you sick to your stomach because you knew you can never count on mark. whenever somethings happened he’s never there or let you down with littiest things ever. even once he forgot to pick you up from daegu and you had to wait three hours on a staion for a train.

but back in your high school times mark was the prettiest, the most talented and the nicest guy ever. everyone literally loved mark lee from year ‘99. mark was always the purest soul and even teacher setted him as a good example of a student and a child. parents of all years knew about him and compared their kids to him. he also was innocent person and love was so new and weird to him no one was surprised until.. until he saw you during your class preentation on a big day at school. you were so pretty and the way you talked to your teammates was amazing. jeno and jaemin made fun of him for a long time because whenever they talked about fameous y/n, he would blush as crazy. second time you impressed him was during school’s sports day. you were leader of volleyball team with your grade and you won. also, jury gave you mvp award since you was so good. the way you were humble about it and had never made big deal out of it made mark lee fall crazy in love with you.

let’s say haechan helped him be ready to meet you. and yes, he kinda made fool of himself since he was stuttering a lot and told you awkward compliments but it didn’t matter. you also liked mark. he was your crush ever since you started school. perfect match for both of you.

“honey, please don’t be mad at me.” mark was trying to unlock the lock of your bedroom’s door. “please. i know i fucked up but you didn’t have to get me out of the house.”

“are you even surprised?” you hissed. “you do nothing here. always let me down with everything and you still have issues with me?”

“well, maybe you just overreacting? i pay most of the bills here and work my ass of for both of us and you are mad because i didn’t help you clean?”

it was whole mark lee. he had never admitted when he was wrong. never take resposability.

“it’s not about just cleaning! it’s about overall.”

“just let me in.”

tired of his loudness, you opened the door and you were met with his puppy eyes which always made you give in.

“i’m too tired to talk with you. i have to go to work.”

“wait. you still have an hour to go.”

“so what?” you demanded. “we can talk later unless we will talk at all.”

“ok, i am sorry.” mark muttered. “i shouldn’t leave you yesterday. haechan just called while i was near the restaurant and i have told him i can’t but he have kept going. my bad.”

“so it was haechan’s fault?”

“kinda.” mark hugg you. “i am sorry, i’ll never do it again. let’s just forget and live peacfuly, alright?”

the way he was looking at you with his eyes you couldn’t do nothing else but agree.

“sure. but don’t do it again.” you hugged him back. “and help me more.”

“yes sir.”

tons of kiss lend on your neck, collarbones, chest and tummy. all your arguments always ended up with make up sex. no matter what sex was only thing mark has never missed or fucked up which sometimes made you overthink. was he using you? why he won’t do anything you asked but that? does he even love you?

“do you want me to drive you?”

“yes, please.”

while driving mark told you a lot of funny stories he had ever experienced with his friends and you were laughing and crying because of how funny they were. mark lee never fails to make you laugh. that was one of the things why you loved him.

as soon as mark found place to park at parking lot in front of building of kindergarten he couldn’t help but stare at children going and running around with their parents chasing them and trying to calm them down.

“one day it will be us who would walk our kids to school, you know?”

mark looked at you seriously and you could smile. you always knew he was good with kids and always wanted one but you weren’t really believing him. he was saying same thing for past six years of you dating. majority of your friends are married or have children. they found peace in life and are growing as people. but you? mark always feed you with sweet, little lies but never commit to them.

“aren’t you saying that all the time whenever some kid passes by?”

“i am for real. really.” he raised his eyebrows. “we will have amazing children. just imagine us on a date with kids by some lake. mini us running all around the place making mess.”

“hold up, let’s not get there.”you giggled at your boyfriend. “i need to go. bye.”

children going around and screaming at the top of your lungs is something you get used to because past two years taught you everything you should know about kids. they were little devils well, not all of them but majority. children were also cruel to each other which made you shocked at first. they are scary but you have to get through it after all. being mom is also scary at that point.

“ya! park haesoo why did you hit her?” you were looking at little boy standing in front of you with big smile while little girl was crying. “can you answer?”

“she deserves that. dan is dumb.”

“you can’t hit other kids and call them names. it’s very bad and it’s not acceptable.” you hissed. “bow and apologize to her.”

“i don’t want to.”

“park haesoo, i will call your parents if you don’t apologize to dan. do you want to get minus points because of your bad behaviour? instead of ten you will lose twenty.”

“i am sorry dan.”

little boy bowed down and walked away while dan was crying. you were little bit worried because she got hit on the face with plastic toy which causes a lot of pain. sometimes you wished you could punch some of the children here since their parents don’t care if their kids behave in a bad way.

while getting kids ready for lunch you felt sudden need to vommit. you run to the nearest toilet and threw up. you must eat something or you got food poisoning. some co-workers looked at you worried but you let them know it’s nothing serious.

“wait. park jisung got on his knees and he proposed to you?”

“yes! i can not believe my little jisung did that. i was so surprised i haven’t answered for two minutes and he almost take it as a no.” your friend giggled. “you don’t even know how happy i am to be his wife. i mean, fiance for now but still i am getting married.”

“when-”

“in a two months. jisung have talked with out parents and everyone agreed we want to do it as fast as it’s possible.”

“wow. congratulations for both of you! after four years of dating your boyfriend finally made a big step. i am so proud.” you hugged her. “i don’t know what else should i say. good luck! fighting!”

deep inside you felt like a knife went down your spine and you were struggling to catch a break and felt betrayed. of course, marriage of your friend and mark’s friend was amazing but jisung was the youngest among mark’s squad. only mark, haechan and jeno are one without wives, children or fiance title. jeno was single most of the time, haechan is player and mark is.. mark. even jisung is going to get married. you wished it was you but it’s seems like mark isn’t ready for big step.

“believe me y/n, when i got to know jisung is going to propose to yuna i was like dude, what the fuck. aren’t you dating for four years, and he just nodded with a biggest smile i have ever seen. it’s so unreal our jisung is going to be husband soon.”

mark was laughing while you were looking with empty gaze at the tv. grip on your tv remmote was only tightening with every more second of mark’s laugh.

“why is it funny to you? majority of our friends are married while we still stuck at that boyfriend-girlfriend stage for past six years, mark.” you sighed. “don’t you think it’s weird?”

“honey, i told you so many times our time will come.” mark laughed. “i can’t understand why you’re so obsessive about it. even if we would be together for ten years would it be wrong? not married at all?”

“i’m-”

“exactly. we will get married one day but not now. we still need time for us. for our youth. we have time y/n. don’t need to rush anything.”

mark was right at some point but it was upsetting you. mark always do you like that, whenever you try to talk he will shut you up quickier than you have ever spoke. of course, you understood where he’s coming from but you were getting worried. whenever you saw relationship advicies and psychology, instagram posts about it, twitter and truth about relationships, youtube vlogs and damned tiktok where people explain it to young women. if after a long term relationship he hasn’t proposed yet - he doesn’t take you seriously. thoughts like that was bothering you to the maxium of your limit.

“are you taking me seriously?” mark almost popped his eyes. “us? that whole relationship? i am asking you for real so be honest with me. i want to know the truth.”

“y/n, i love you truly. i have always loved you and i take you seriously. don’t start your paranoia because it’s really messed up. maybe you’re too stressed lately? you’re getting annoyed and mad at slightest of things.”

“mhm.”

you didn’t have to answer mark because there was nothing else for you to say. but again, mark was right. you are getting worked up over smallest things lately. even too loud phone alarm is getting on your nevers to the point you almost crushed your phone few times.

at the night you woke up and run to the toilet because of sudden stomach pain and need to vommit again. mark got scared when you basically jumped out the bed and rushed to the toilet so he followed you just to find you on your knees by toilet. he got scared for a second.

“are you fine?”

you had to take few breathes to answer him.

“yes, i mean i feel little bit sick. i suppose i got stomach poisoning.” mark hummed and got you towel. “you can go back and i will brush my teeth real quick.”

“i can wait for you.” you nodded and flushed the toilet. “are you sure it’s nothing serious? maybe take a day off?”

“i am.” you rolled your eyes. “i can’t take days off, mark.”

mark nodded and watched you doing your thing. he was always worried about you no matter what so of course he was scared when you told him about food poisoning but if you let him know it’s nothing serious he stopped being overprotective and just got back to the bed together with you.

“i bought a new dollhouse.” small girl touched your hand. “do you want to see pictures? please.”

“of course, hana.” you smiled at her. “show me.”

girl with two high ponytails goes up to you with biggest grin and pink phone showing you proudly her dollhouse her parents bought for her fourth birthday. it was pink and looked expensive but her parents were doctors so you weren’t surprised. the way she was talking about it made your day ten times better. some kids aren’t that scary.

“my mum promised me we will buy other accesories for it and few other dolls. would you like to see them once i get them?”

“yes! come here and showe me when you will have your dream toys, hana.”

she ran off with little giggles. hana was one of the nicest kid here. she was one of the few who didn’t caused problems.

two weeks passed and you felt little bit worse. vommiting was something you had to get used to since every morning you have morning sickness. you haven’t told no one, not even mark knew because you were scared. everytime you woke up with urge to throw up, you get out the bed queitly and always close all the door for mark to not hear a sound. the worst thing was period getting late for far more than you expected. you totally forgot since you had a lot of work but as you’re looking at it you felt bad.

“what are you saying?” yuna splited her coffee out. “i can not belive it. are you pregnant, girl?”

“i don’t know! lord, please don’t do me like that. i can not be, not now.” you held your hands like you were praying. “i am not ready, we are not ready.”

“have you taken a test?”

“no, i am too afraid to do it.” your voice was shaking. “what do i do if i am? i can not give a birth now, not when we and mark are on bad terms lately.”

yuna was looking at you with sad smile. she knew about mark and every fight you had, and even tho she was going to marry his best friend she stated it to you - break up with mark lee. she was the one who was convincing you to break up because of all the shit he had done. mark was still a child and nothing is going to change that. yuna’s heart ached since she knew it and being pregnant only make things worse.

“let’s go. we are going to buy a test and we will find out, y/n.”

“yuna, i-”

“i said let’s go.”

thirty minutes later after shopping at pharmacy and after buiying four different tests you were sitting in bathroom while yuna was in the living room waiting for you to come and announce the results. both of you were praying to god for best.

“yuna.”

your small voice made yuna get up from the chair she was sitting at and stare at you. you were holding all the tests in your hands and you were literally shaking.

“two lines.” she whispered. “fuck.”

“i’m going to cry.”

you sat down on the couch while yuna was too busy thinking.

“do you want that baby?” you wiped your tears with hand. “you said you’re not ready and don’t want a child for now. also, you said you’re young. do you want to keep the baby?”

yuna’s question made you freeze. all the things she said was truth since you told her about it many times.

“no! of course i don’t want to. it’s a mistake i can not have a baby right now.”

“i know place and very good and highly recommended healh clinic when you can have abortion done. we would have to go together to the doctor who would tell you everything and what month is it.” you were breathing harder. “if you’re sure as fuck, then you can get rid of it. i am sure it’s first months.”

“what about mark? should i tell him?” yuna was about to answer. “no. i won’t. he would make me keep the baby. it’s my body. can we get there as fast as possible?”

“my sister’s husband works there so he can make an appointment even today.”

“perfect.”

yuna helped you get ready and your heart was beating while doing so. everything is a mess in your head and you can’t think straight. you were sure you don’t want a child but thing that was bothering you was mark. how is he going to react when you tell him?

small clinic was fivteen kilometers away from your home. during ride to that place you were getting nervous. money? you had them enough for it. even if you will be starving for a months you are not changing your mind at all. your friend tried to support you as much as she could, she knows you well and for both of you it was the best decission you could ever had made.

“you’re one month pregnant y/n.” a guy with a beard smiled at you. “everything seems fine. we can do it even today if you’re sure. there would be 500$ for everything including pain killers. if you’re not ready we can find a date for you.”

“i am. i want to do it today, please.”

“sure. come with me, and your friend can wait here in waiting room.”

“you may kiss the bride.”

everyone was screaming when yuna and jisung kissed in front of every guest invited to their wedding. jisung’s friends were laughing while yuna’s friends including you, were clapping the hardest they can. today is yuna’s day. your best friend is going to be wife and her relationship with jisung upgraded to another level.

sadly, you couldn’t quite say the same about you and mark. instead of working out your relationship, everything got more complicated. none of you spoke to each other for days before one of you break the character and apologize first. mark was hanging out with his friends more frequently and everytime you bring this up he will find tons of excuses.

“our little jisung got married!” haechan was screaming at top of his lungs. “i am so happy for you man. i didn’t know what should i say for speach today. i was looking for inspiration for the longest time ever. and guess what. i found ton of bullshit.” everyone laughed at him including you and mark. “i don’t wan to sugar talk to both of you. i want to say honest words i could ever think of. i have never ever expected our jisung to be married before me or mark. how did that happened? just few years ago you were a child and now you start your own family. treat yuna right or she and we will whoop your ass. as your hyung, i am proud of you. i am proud of person you became and how mature you are now. even if you’re married, don’t change too much and still be our jisungie.”

guests were clapping at haechan’s speech. his words came right from his heart and everyone seemed to be touched by it since he is never serious. moment almost felt magical. few other people gave their speeches and after all they could finally dance. yuna looked the happiest ever and your heart was pounding by the view and you didn’t notice when tears of happines were going down your face.

“are you crying?” mark giggled and hug you. “our best friends got married. it’s fine to cry.”

“oh, shut up mark.” you hit him on the thigh. “yuna is married, i can not believe it. look at them, they’re so happy.”

“yes, they are.” he kissed your cheek. “do you think we will be that happy during our wedding?”

question made you stare at the floor with teary eyes.

“propably yes. at least we should, mark.”

mark didn’t have to answer you since you were too busy recording first dance on your phone while your boyfriend was talking with his friends.

already five hours passed and most of the guests also passed out because of alcohol since wedding was like a big party with relatives. few uncles of jisung and yuna asked you to dance which you agreed to and now your legs ached. aunts were ready to gossip about everyone and spilled some tea about family members. even “caitlyn”, rich yuna’s aunt was talking with you and gave you one of her purses since she had too much of them. mark was also talking with family members and was busy drinking with his friends.

“honey, can we go to the hotel?” mark was mumbling to your ear. “i am too drunk and it’s getting boring here. i have few ideas.”

“what ideas?” you raised an eyebrow. “i am not ready for any ideas.”

“trust me, y/n.”

with that words everything happened as it usually does. kissing while on the way to the bedroom and that lead to another things. you haven’t planed to have sex tonight since abortion you was scared to do so.

“do you have condom?” you asked breaking the kiss.

“yes, here.”

morning was pretty at the sunday. it was past ten already and mark was still sleeping and will propably wake up with hangover so you got medications and water for him ready. at least that’s what you could do to help him. hotel sent you some breakfast so you tried to wake up mark but he was too stubborn.

“not now, please.”

“mark, breakfast is ready. get your ass and let’s go eat.”

“i don’t want to-”

“what a baby.” you hissed and took duvet out of him. “you have one minute and i want to see you in the living room.”

mark was literally big child. he had never matured and it was giving you hard time while dealing with him. you didn’t want much but for mark to focus on both of you. not on his friends or stupid games but you two.

at the same time you were anxious while around him. nor you or yuna have told anyone about events that happened two months before. first few days you just got up early and went straight to kindergarten even if you were first one to arrive. after week you could live peacful since you put your thoughts together but you can’t help but feel guilt. mark was father of the fetus you got rid of and at least he should know. he should yet you weren’t ready to tell him. majority of time it was mark who fucks up but that time it was you with much worse thing than he have ever done.

you couldn’t just sit him down one day and tell him everything.

“oh my god, waffles!”

mark excitment brought smile to your lips.

“yeah with maple syroup.”

“damn, i haven’t eaten waffles with syroup in ages. dude, it’s so good.”

after breakfast you got your things and decided to go back home. yuna and jisung had to stay with their families and do other things so you went to say goodbye and went on a way back home which will take less than two hours.

days went by and you were done with everything. work is getting worse since more and more children go to school and they are rude, mark is busy with boys and yuna is out with jisung for a long time. you basicaly left alone with your thoughts that are getting worse. more and more you think about relationship with mark and issues. including abortion you were nerve wrecking. all you could think was that and it drives you crazy.

loud smack woke you up in the night. you get out the bedroom just to see mark all shaking and with tears running down his pretty face. a lot of thoughs get to your mind expecting the worst.

“mark? what happened?” you came closer. “mark calm down.”

mark was breathing hard and you tried yout best.

“i was with jeno and, and.” he had to take a breath. “with jeno and i, we-” he couldn’t get words out. “we were fighting. fighting with jeno.” he was mumbling. “i think i broke his nose. i, i don’t know..”

“where’s jeno? what happened. mark you need to calm down and explain everything to me, alright?”

“at his home. i am sorry i didn’t mean to punch him i-” tears were rolling down his cheek. “i was mad because he was braging about me and i, i had to.”

“oh mark.” you hugged him. “go take a shower, and try to relax. fights happen, it’s not a big deal but you didn’t have to punch him.” you looked at him. “let’s talk to jeno in the morning? both of you should talk about it like adults.”

“what if he is mad angry? i broke his nose, and i, i was mean.”

“mark, jeno and you are friends for the longest time ever. just trust me and do everything as i told you to.”

“thank you y/n. i love you.”

“love you too.”

mark was gone in the bathroom while you were sitting down on your bed waiting for him. mark was never first to use violence since he was rather a calm person. you had no clue what did they talked about which caused mark to snap at his best friend.

few minutes passed and mark was next to you in the bed, holding you close to him making both of you warm with touch.

ever since jeno’s and mark’s fight everything seemed weird. mark was avoiding you clearly and it was making you overthink. did you do something to upset him? you couldn’t think of answers for that question but wonder what had happened.

“mark, can you tell me what’s wrong?” mark passed by you. “stop. mind explaining what’s wrong? i am worried about you.”

“nothing’s wrong.” he didn’t even look at you. “i am tired.”

“mark lee, stop being a baby and tell me what’s going on. you avoide me for a week straight. i don’t reacall if i did something wrong. what happened?”

“i don’t want to talk right now. can’t we talk later?”

“no, we can’t. i want answers. ever since fight with jeno, you are acing different and i want to know what’s going on with my boyfriend.”

mark finally looked in your eyes.

“are you hiding something from me?” mark’s question made you shiver. “or you haven’t told me something? whatever.”

“no? what are you even talking about? i am always honest with you as you might notice. why you even asking that?”

“are you sure you haven’t told me anything important?”

you felt like your tongue was cut and you couldn’t find any words.

“i am sure.”

mark laughed at your response and shaked his head.

“you have a lot of nerv, y/n.” mark was looking at you with grin. “lying straight to my face and gaslighting me into thinking you’re always honest with me. stupid.”

“mark, what the fuck do you mean? i don’t understand what you want from me.”

“i want truth, honey!” he snapped at you. “i want to know why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant. i want to know why you kept it for yourself. why would you abort our baby without me knowing? what the fuck y/n!” he was screaming. “i love you, i really do but what you have done was so selfish and-” he took a breath. “and fucked up. i can’t believe i had to get to know from my friends and not from my own girlfriend.”

your heart was aching because of your boyfriend’s words. he knows. he knows whole truth and you were sure yuna told everything jisung and he told the rest. mark was looking at you with disapointed gaze.

“because at the end of the day it’s my body. i don’t need your permission for it and besides that.” you looked up. “how would we manage raising a child? a human being? when we can’t even take good care of ourselfs. i don’t know why you’re so mad for it. you’re still an immature guy, mark. can’t you see it?” it was you who screamed now. “i am done with everything. you always find excuses for everything and blame everyone but you. always others had to fix mess you caused and usually it’s me! you cared more about your homies than me. i was there when you were at your worst but where were you when i needed you the most? nowhere to be found.”

“what the fuck? are you kidding me, y/n? now it’s my fault? i am immature? you fuckin killed our baby!”

“it was fetus!”

“it doesn’t fuckin matter. i had right to at least know maybe we would find solution? of course we would! yet you were selfish and did everything your way. look now, who’s immature?” he raised his eyebrows. “you. not my fault or yuna’s, but yours. it was yours choice not ours even tho it was our.. baby. i tried to support you as much as i can and you still tell me i wasn’t!”

“stop with that bullshit. you have never supported me. who helped me when i had gone through stress of work? when i had to go back to london to help my parents? when i was having breakdown due to work?” you were screaming at the top of your lung. “no one! you had never cared. it was only you and your friends. not me and you. you are holding me back, mark. i am running while you are trembling. we are on a different mentality levels, can’t you see?” you massaged your template. “i am ready and serious for a family but with you it’s impossible. look what i have done because of our relationship.”

“it wasn’t like that. my friends were with me and-”

“see? you do it again. excuses. not your fault, huh?” you mocked him. “i am done. our relationship for past few months only gave me headache and doubt. i was ready to commit and you just fool me with your lies. always tell me how you will marry me one day or about our chilldren. bullshit. if you wanted, you would.” mark was frozen on the spot. “you’re right with abortion. i should have let you know. my bad, really i regret that. but our relationship don’t have future. we aren’t kids no more, mark. we have to let go.”

mark was looking at you with glossy eyes.

“are we breaking up?” you nodded. “wow, after all the things we’ve been through? we sacrificed so much for us to break up now. i love you so much y/n. maybe i was immature but that doesn’t change a thing. i still love you the same way i always did. we can’t end like this.”

“mark it’s too late now. i am ready to move on from us. i am ready to start new life without you in it. i have never imagined we wouldn’t made it to our plans but we have to do it now. we have to let go and start new chapter. withouth each other.”

“y/n, wait we can still think about it.” he was holding you close. “we can, we-” he was sobbing. “i don’t know go to therapy? we can find solution-”

“we can’t. i don’t want to share my life with you no more mark. we hold each other back and that’s the worst we can do to each other.” you pulled out. “please find a woman you will love and treat her better. send my love to her. i guess you need someone else. don’t fuck it up, mark lee.” you kissed him last time. “just know i loved you and you made me the happiest ever. i felt free and joyful with you. i still love you and i won’t forget about you easily.”

mark could only look at you. that day mark lost love of his life due to his stupid actions. person mark loved the most just left.

times passes by so fast no one notice. each day we grow and learn something new to us that made us smarter and better person. you were person who was learning a lot day by day and your life wasn’t mess anymore. ever since you and mark ended things between you two, you felt like a brand new person. weight of your shoulders was gone and you felt peacful with yourself after all the situations you’ve been through.

mark at the other hand couldn’t put himself together. all that time passed and he was stuck at that one moment and nothing could change that. friends, family or co-workers did their best but it doesn’t work. mark is still stuck in past with you. he misses you everyday and think only about you. it’s you who is stuck on his mind till today. mark didn’t find new lover. mark didn’t move on and wasn’t ready for it.

“mark?”

voice so familiar, young male thought he was hallucinating when he heard it but as soon as he turned back, your face was smiling at him.

“y/n?”

“yup.”

mark was quick to be in front of you. he felt like in a dream with you.

“what are you doing here?” he smiled. “oh my god.”

“i wanted to check on you since haechan told me you’re doing pretty bad.” he left out a giggle. “how do you feel, mark?”

“pretty bad. i can’t move on.”

“but you should.” worried face made him smile a little. “you can’t be stuck in a moment.”

“i can not let go. y/n you’re still only thing in my mind and all i can think about is you. a two months passed and i am still wondering about you. please, life’s so fucked when you’re not around. i’d do anything to have you back.”

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