something that i've been struggling to articulate but has been bothering me for a while is how some christians engage and interact with science and what i'm realizing is they have a like... almost love-bombing/discarding relationship with it. and i recognize science isn't a person and that's not literally happening but the christians that i grew up around have this relationship with science where it's real/valid/correct if it supports their side and fake/invalid/wrong if it doesn't. it's this like... engaging with science to get something from it when it can prove their point and condemning it when it doesn't. and this also ties into the belief that you, a layperson with no background in science, are more knowledgeable than actual scientists simply because you have god on your side, and therefore you can use science in whatever way you see fit, which means engaging with it in a way that is ultimately anti-science (but that also doesn't matter because god said it was okay). and it's exhausting engaging with these people for me because it's not that they believe all science bad, it's that they believe most science bad but some science good and they have the authority to determine what is bad and what is good, despite, again, not having a background in science (because what is a "background in science" to an all-knowing god that you have a personal relationship with?). the thing that is so frustrating to me is how these people recognize science is valued and use it to strengthen the validity of their points and to gain credibility while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge the validity of science as a field at all or put in any effort to understand/respect it.

Hannibal Lecter as The Devil

Our fandom usually ignores key elements that were said about the characters, especially the ones that state very clearly that the show is not the same as the books or movies. And the one thing that usually gets mixed up the most is, of course, Hannibal's past and even his very essence.

Our Hannibal is the devil. Apparently literally so. He is not the way he is because of his past trauma. He even says so in the show but most people dismiss it as him being avoidant. No. Literally. Nothing happened to him, he happened.

This is why some fans get so confused about the character's actions and motives, because they are ignoring this very important aspect: he is the devil, he is not some traumatized guy. Don't fight me on it, I'm just communicating what the creator and Mads himself have said. But when you take this into consideration it actually makes everything more interesting, fascinating and makes a lot more sense, too.

The devil despised humanity, or, thought he was superior. This is Hannibal. He sees himself as above everyone else, and in the show, he actually is, as this isn't a neurosis or complex, but who he is. Human emotions are weaknesses because they make you suffer, prone to error and vulnerable. This is why he goes insane when he falls in love with Will. He literally ate his sister simply because he loved her and loving her made him tender, therefore he "denied" his nature for her. He ate her in order to forgive her for committing this "crime". Didn't kill her, but had to consume her in order to put himself above his love for her.

When he falls for Will, he experiences a loss of control he never experienced before, as passion does, and he is the control king so naturally this makes him desperate and absolutely insane. This is why he does everything he does to Will, because he is trying to prove to himself that love isn't stronger than He is, that he is capable of following his nature and urges beyond his feelings for Will.

This is why that scene where he is crying after Will was put in prison, is so important, sooo important and most of us don't pay enough attention. Abigail wasn't dead, we thought he was crying for her, later we find out that she was safe and alive. Mads even confirmed but didn't have to because it becomes obvious then that he was crying for Will. But the dialogue is what makes the scene so important.

They're talking about having "kids":

He was disappointed when Will didn't immediately accept him once he found out the truth. He felt so betrayed and he felt like he failed guiding Will properly to accept himself and Hannibal. Framing Will was heartbreaking for him but he had to make himself do it to prove he was still in control. That he wouldn't let his feelings put him in a vulnerable position and risk his life and freedom (which he ultimately does in the end).

When he finally admits or realizes he is in love, that's when he does the unspeakable and tries to eat Will. Bryan confirmed he wasn't actually going to go through with it, but in the heat of emotion after feeling betrayed by Will yet again, he just reaches a new level of insanity.

Soon, he realizes what he's done and the rarity of him feeling regret happens (hence the time reversing attempt). This is why he surrenders. He wasn't being "petty", he was trying to show Will he truly loved him, also because that man cannot believe for the life of him that Hannibal, the devil himself, is capable of love. Which is ALSO why the jokes about him having to ask aren't actually congruent with canon. No one would realistically believe someone like Hannibal would be capable of love. No, he didn't know before asking Bedelia, Hugh already confirmed but if you pay attention to the show this should not have been the interpretation. Will literally fucks everything up BECAUSE he refuses to believe H loves him. Yes, the dream, etc etc, I already made a post explaining that scene, too. It's in the meta tags and called Will Graham and the Denial of Love, anyway, this is such a beautiful tale of the devil falling for a human, only to discover he actually fell in love with another fallen angel, and the act itself made him more human.

I Think I Know Why I Dislike Bakugou's Writing

Yes I know I just did the AFO/Asano Meta, but I feel like I need to do this too

To clarify: this is not me bashing on Bakugou. I want to like Bakugou. If you like Bakugou, you aren't wrong. You just deserve better for him.

Let's begin.

For at least a week now, I have had a picture open in a tab on my browser. This picture is something that I was beginning to think was made up by an Ao3 author because I had only ever seen one mention of it. And now that I've found it for myself, I found myself holding on to it and trying to figure out how to feel about it.

But now that's led to me finally having a way to verbalize the issues I have with how Bakugou has been written throughout the series.

On paper, Bakugou has one of the most interesting character arcs in manga. He goes from being a self-absorbed asshole with a superiority-inferiority complex who only wants to be a Hero because they win fights to the genuinely Hero Midoriya believes he can be.

In practice... well.

Let's play a game really quickly. I'll describe a scene from My Hero Academia, and I want you to guess what chapter it is. It doesn't have to be exact, just a general idea. Here's the scenario:

Midoriya manages to use a Quirk that's destructive to him without seriously hurting himself, and is proud of this accomplishment. In response, Bakugou gets incensed and physically attacks him.

Thought about it? Got an idea? Keep that in mind for later.

So here is my issue with Bakugou: there are two Bakugous. I know that sounds weird but let me explain what I mean. I'll call them Interim Bakugou and Dramatic Bakugou.

Dramatic Bakugou saw his classmates at the Battle Trial and realized that he wasn't the Big Man on Campus. He was furious with Todoroki for not using his fire at the Sports Festival, and infuriated by his internship with Best Jeanist. Dramatic Bakugou was kidnapped by the League because he's an asshole. He blames himself for All Might retiring, and he failed the Provisional License Exam because he's a asshole. Dramatic Bakugou told a kid that he needed to acknowledge his own weakness, took a hit for Midoriya in the War Arc, and apologized to him.

Dramatic Bakugou is improving as a person and a Hero.

Dramatic Bakugou also barely appears in the manga.

We are instead left with Interim Bakugou, the Bakugou who exists in the interim between dramatic moments. Interim Bakugou has not changed from his first appearance on the first page of Chapter 1, when he was five, beating the shit out of Midoriya.

Interim Bakugou tried to attack Midoriya on Day 1, and tried to kill him on Day 2. Interim Bakugou listened in on a private conversation about how Endeavor's obsessions broke him and learned nothing. Interim Bakugou told the League of Villains that he wouldn't join them because he likes how Heroes look when they win. Interim Bakugou told the Help Us Company actors to fuck off. Interim Bakugou dragged Midoriya out to Ground Beta to beat the shit out of him because he was butthurt about his exam and making it all about him. Interim Bakugou won the Joint Training Battle because he wanted to be the Undisputed Best. Interim Bakugou never calls people by their real names.

Interim Bakugou called himself Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight. Interim Bakugou told the class that Deku is fucked in the head and doesn't care about what happens to himself, while ignoring that he called Midoriya 'Useless' so often Midoriya responds to it like his own name. Interim Bakugou uses Deku right up to the moment that Dramatic Bakugou apologized for inventing it in the first place.

Interim Bakugou never changes, no mater how much Dramatic Bakugou tries.

Here, let me prove it. You remember that game I had you play a few paragraphs ago, yes? What chapter did you say? Chapter 7, during the Quirk Apprehension Test?

Well, I have to admit that I lied a little. That picture I've had on my browser for the past week or so? It's actually a screencap of the manga.

This is from Chapter 253, after Midoriya shows his progress with Blackwhip.

This is five chapters away from the start of the War Arc.

This is 69 chapters before he apologizes, most of which aren't focused on him at all.

This is within the Final Saga, as Horikoshi puts it.

And Interim Bakugou is indistinguishable from Orientation Day eleven months ago

I will freely admit that this is clearly meant to be a joke, and that he did not hurt Midoriya as severely as the class is acting, but the behavior is still there. It hasn't changed a bit. Interim Bakugou hasn't changed a bit.

Dramatic Bakugou, in a flashback, confessed to All Might that he used to bully Midoriya.

Interim Bakugou still does.

This is why I don't like how Horikoshi writes Bakugou. I want to like Dramatic Bakugou and follow his journey, but for every step forward he takes, Interim Bakugou takes two steps back. All of his apologies feel hollow because Interim Bakugou is demonstrably the same.

And that's why his apology rings hollow. Here's a transcript of it from my fan translation of choice:

Do you remember what I told you after Shigaraki stabbed me? (...) "Don't even think about winning this alone!" After yelling that out, my body moved on its own, and I was impaled. Yet I knew that I had to tell you those words.

I always looked down on you, just because you were Quirkless. You were always far away behind me, yet, I felt that you were somehow miles ahead of me. I hated that. I didn't want to feel like that. And I didn't want to recognize that. It's why I grew so distant from you and always tried to beat you down.

I opposed you and tried to show my superiority over you. But I always lost. After entering UA absolutely nothing went as I thought it would. I spent all my days trying to figure out your strengths and weaknesses.

It probably doesn't mean anything telling you all this but that's what I really think. Izuku... I'm sorry for everything I've done up until now.

The path you took as a successor of One For All is exactly what All Might did. Your choices weren't misguided at all. But as of now, you can barely stand on your own. Your ideals alone can only take you so far. If you ever encounter a road bump, you can always count on us for help. To surpass All Might, your ideal Hero, we would all have to protect UA and the civilians in there together. It's the only way.

There are three parts to an apology.

You have to be sorry for the harm you caused. Bakugou says that he is.

You have to understand how you hurt them. Bakugou... acknowledges that he "grew distant" and "beat Midoriya down."

You have to either ask how to make it right, or promise never to cause that harm again. Bakugou... promises that they'll all surpass All Might.

Though I will give him credit for acknowledging the protection of civilians, good job Dramatic Bakugou.

Dramatic Bakugou seemingly can't apologize for Interim Bakugou, because Interim Bakugou isn't sorry. Interim Bakugou is the same as always.

So the truth is that I love Dramatic Bakugou's character arc, and I hate Interim Bakugou for not having one

OKAY I NEED TO GO CRAZY ABOUT THIS

Leona, irritated by how Jamil had continuously been telling him to stand back as if he needed protecting, commented on how he would've had a much easier time with Azul since the way Jamil had been acting only came off as a hindrance and a burden to him.

Meanwhile, Azul had gotten immensely insulted of how Riddle kept insisting on having him step back as he fought, making Azul believe that Riddle sees him as a burden, despite that not being his actual intentions.

These two scenarios parallel each other so well, and perfectly showcases the complexes these two have, whether they realize it or not.

[ Detailed analysis under the cut. ]

Jamil has the tendency to have quite a superiority complex, brought upon by the fact that he could never really show off his skills and capabilities in any significant manner, since he was explicitly forbidden to do so, as to not overshadow Kalim. Due to how Jamil has essentially been raised to do everything for Kalim, he sees the person he was forced to serve under all his life as immensely incompetent, and occassionally this belief ends up extending onto others as well. He ends up thinking that he needs to handle everything for them else it would all go wrong, which irritated Leona, as it was arrogant for Jamil to assume that his senpai wasn't capable handling himself.

Then we have Azul, whose inferiority complex shows up anytime he feels as though someone is challenging is capabilities, and his insecurities end up showing through his usually calm facade, as he absolutely detests being looked down upon. Unlike Leona who directly told Jamil to his face that he was being a burden, Azul almost immediately assumed that it was how Riddle saw him as, despite it not being true. Riddle only had good intentions, but Azul's feelings got the better of him, because he never wants to admit that he would ever be weak, as it would only remind him of his painful past.

In those last two images we see those complexes show in their fullest extent, with Jamil arrogantly assuming that Azul would be weaker than him--despite them being more similar than he would like to admit, which is why he insisted on comparing them and saying that he was better--and Azul being incredibly sensitive towards anyone who would even try to suggest that he was weaker than anyone else.

Though I believe both of them have those two complexes in varying degrees, because they both incredibly detest feeling inferior, and they both despise it whenever they're forced under a position where they have to be subservient for another. It's most evident here too:

Perhaps that's why Azul is so gravitated towards Jamil, due to how his need to prove himself and show that he is better than what he had been told to believe as, it really bothers him why Jamil tries so hard to hold himself back, when he can see that deep down inside he just wants everyone to admire his ability in awe.

This explains the reason why he's so determined to befriend Jamil, because he's the person that Azul sees as both an equal, and as someone he could understand the most. The fact that Jamil refuses Azul so much and is so harsh to him is because Jamil doesn't want him to get any closer, since he's afraid that Azul's gonna see right through him every time, and how that weakness and vulnerability would be something he'd take advantage of. Which is a fairly valid concern when it comes to the guy who likes to gather as much information as possible to blackmail and manipulate others.

Not to mention, Jamil can be a really harsh talker when he's fully being himself, and Azul's no exception to this either. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Jamil had actually said that Azul was weak straight to his face, he'd just think of it as a challenge and make use of the situation so that Jamil would be forced to give it his all without any situation. It really wouldn't be out of character to believe that him losing to Jamil would still be something that Azul would consider as a win.

Wait a minute.

Y'know how I said that even Azul despises it whenever he has to be subservient towards anyone, and yet in Chapter 4 he was more than willing to volunteer and play the role of someone who treated Jamil as his master.

Bro. I really do think that Azul's just biased lmao

The thing with the Alice x Bumby ship and people who support it not only don't understand the ramifications of what Bumby did to Alice and that it's pretty obvious he was continuing with his obsession with Lizzie.

Alice looks very much like her older sister and shares personality traits with Lizzie. So Alice would have ended up the same as Lizzie, assaulted and murdered. Because in terms of the type of serial offender Bumby is, the likelihood of him repeating the same crime was extremely high.

But also they don't understand that Bumby was not only targeting Alice but children, something that you can see in actual, real-life serial offenders like the Golden State Killer, Ted Bundy, or even Richard Ramirez. These were sexual sadists, Bumby is also a sexual sadist. Not to mention, Bundy worked in a suicide prevention call center so I don't know how you cannot draw the comparison.

So, I have had the term "anti" thrown at me, and normally, genuinely, I'm of the mind "I don't like this ship, so I'm not going to read it" because policing people over fictional ships is a waste of time. And I'll be the first to admit I especially hate this ship because I HAD several Bumbys in my life. I was sexually abused as a little girl, so I especially hate this character. And we do have several CSA survivors in fandom, they have had the same feelings. If you're writing a ship that mirrors our trauma, yeah, it's gonna piss people off. But I'm not gonna be mad enough to throw out death threats.

However.

And this is a big HOWEVER.

Largely, the biggest reason as to why I don't like it because anyone who dabbles in this ship cannot manage to keep it IC (in character). They fundamentally don't understand Alice's characterization:

1. Alice is an extremely guarded individual, literally anyone around her treats her like a burden, object, or belittle her sense of being.

2. It's highly unlikely Alice is going to romantically gush over someone, much less someone she put into a position of a mentor, so the swooning doesn't make any sense to me. If you're writing Alice in a romantic relationship, you have to keep in mind that it probably took a WHILE. When I write Alice in romantic relationships, it's a slow burn build up.

3. She likely is very reluctant to share the burden of her mental illness (unless slow burn, see above), so, again, Alice is not going to be the how to open up to people so easily.

4. Alice is extremely independent, most times. You can see she'd rather do it herself, without help unless it's a necessity, and she puts more trust in herself than in people. So, it wouldn't make sense for Alice to open up to Bumby, a doctor, outside of a patient.

And like. These shippers tend to "woobify" Bumby. He's not gonna be chivalrous.

1.He's a sociopath, so his empathy is non-existent. He didn't see Lizzie as a person, he saw her as an object he was entitled to.

2. He showed little regard to Mr. Liddell, his superior, someone he kept going to see, as his mentor. He exploited that dynamic only on the account of Lizzie.

3. The man has a superiority complex, so he won't see anyone as his equal. His ego was too big and he was so full of himself and he underestimated Alice (like everyone else) and doesn't care for her, at all.

So, every time I see this ship pop up, these characters are so woefully OOC (out of character) and that shows me you didn't understand the source material.

If you're into a dark ship, that's fine, but you're essentially re-writing characters so far from the original source material that they may as well be your own characters. You can find a dark ship with Alice, but pick someone better than Bumby. Like, guys, Bumby would have done the same thing he did to Lizzie to Alice and Alice found out at the last minute before he had the chance.

Just saying as an Alice RPer.

Nightbringer Satan's early relationship with his brothers headcanons

Lucifer: lol.

Mammon: Despises. Anyone who doesn't take pride in learning should be ashamed to be alive. Lovable hypocrite that he is, Satan sees Mammon's propensity for trouble as evidence of his lacking character. Mammon thinks Satan is mean and rude for no reason but ultimately sees him as like…a bratty little brother. Convinced Satan doesn't understand the gravity of his actions yet. 

Levi: Despises. Loser. Creep. Shit taste. Gross. Once Satan gets a DDD and figures the Internet out, Levi's gonna see a sharp increase in hate mail. I don't believe Satan would get into genre fiction right away, so he'd have that literary elitist superiority complex. Levi is afraid of him. He also thinks Satan is cute. Has had the occasional thought that his abuse wouldn't be so bad if it was only verbal. Really, really, really wants to pet his fluffy blonde hair just one time. Once he finds out about Satan's cat obsession, it's over - who do you think got him his rhythm game paws?

Asmo: Tolerates. Leans towards like on good days. Won't admit it but he doesn't hate being doted on all the time. I can imagine later stage Satan tsunderily getting his nails did by Asmo with a cartoonish frown so nobody gets the idea he might be enjoying this. Still sees him as tiresome and annoying overall though. Asmo's a bit scared of Satan, but feels his cuteness is high enough to look past the rampages. Hopes he'll settle down soon so he can take advantage of his good looks for the gram

Beel: Despises. Now, this might seem excessive given that Beel is so sweet, rarely interacts with him, and rarely impedes his goals, but it's more a multiplier effect caused by being Belphie's twin. His absurd strength (seriously, why Beel is the sixth brother when he's clearly stronger than Mammon) would be humiliating on its own, but when he's a package deal with Belphie? yeesh Beel doesn't hate him and would like Satan to get along with everyone.

Belphie: Hatred. I'm not a fan of the anti-Lucifer League for a lot of reasons and one of them is that it kills the natural dynamic these two should have. You do NOT put a guy who cares a lot about being right with someone who cares not at all in a room together. That one Satan card where he's seething and Belphie doesn't care so he seethes even harder and Belphie shan't give a damn so Satan's ready to blow up the moon…that's their relationship. Should be, anyways. Belphie doesn't care about Satan at all.

more of my characters

I had mentioned that I would be creating more drawings of my original characters this week. Honestly, these don't intertwine much with the one I recently introduced, but I have a similar affection for them. HxH, OC's, Informations

Sundra:

This would be the most chaotic among all the others because his definitions of justice closely resemble those of Chrollo, and not only that, but his persona in contrast to Chrollo has many similarities, although he refuses to admit it. However, unlike Lucilfer, Sundra believes that the weak should be left behind to deteriorate, and the strong should abandon them without any remorse. During his childhood, Sundra learned that the line between good and evil is very thin and can be broken even by the purest-hearted person. Although the Elder of Meteor City tried to instill different thoughts in the young man, the place they lived in did not help reinforce positive teachings about the boy. Even with his firm thoughts, he was still open to new knowledge, especially history and mathematics, things he showed genuine interest in. However, his attention always fell flat when the Elder tried to introduce religion into his learning. You see, Sundra is not a self-proclaimed atheist; he just does not recognize and refuses to believe in his own insignificance. This man believes he is a kind of exception among the masses, mainly due to the locality where he was born, where the chances of survival are 1 in 100%. This only intensified his thoughts about being "something greater."

Considering his strongly rooted beliefs, Sundra never had much sympathy for his teammates. In his young life, he had a total of 28 different partners in he equip, all of whom died very quickly. Sundra does not consider himself the cause of their deaths; far from it. In fact, he sees himself as the only one competent enough to return alive, something that understandably infuriates his superiors. Sundra doesn't care if his henchmen live or die; from his perspective, returning alive is nothing more than an obligation. If you can't even do that, you'll be left to suffer. On the other hand, he believes strongly in his own potential and allows himself to be carefree in most missions, even if he receives advice to be more responsible. Sundra ignores them, receiving warnings from the Elder of the city that time would come to hold him accountable for his actions someday (this men has strong tendencies of god complex and superiority, something that leaves many of his acquaintances astonished). Chrollo, however, views this with fascination, even if he doesn't comment. It makes him excessively curious because, in his view, Sundra was a hope and kind child, and seeing him evolve into an aberration was a significant shock for Chrollo.

Speaking of Chrollo, his relationship with Sundra is quite tumultuous. Sundra harbors strong resentments toward Lucilfer for being left behind because, as he believes, "Only the weak are left behind." This left an irreparable scar on him, and Chrollo sees himself as partially responsible for it. Chrollo wouldn't say that it disappoints him, but it also doesn't please him much. It's like saying, "Bitch, i made you strong, why are you so angry with me?" But jokes aside, Chrollo is a bit disappointed to be so excluded from the life of his younger brother. He still loves the brother because he is his only remnant of a true and blood family. Although Chrollo has some expectations to strengthen their bonds and rekindle their brotherhood, Sundra being a teenage shit doesn't help much in his advances. This makes their interactions somewhat similar to:

"Your clothes are stinking."

"I don't remember asking for your opinion!'

Sundra has a somewhat passive-aggressive approach towards Chrollo, even though deep down he still wants to be recognized and praised by him, but he would never admit it. He prefers death.

Chrollo felt a bit flattered when he discovered Sundra's tattoo, something that happened randomly during a meeting when Sundra pushed back his sweaty hair, and Chrollo could see the cross centered between the young man's eyebrows. That intrigued him, of course, and he asked why he had the same tattoo, and Sundra unsatisfied replied that the parasite in his body wanted to remind him of the most hateful memories rooted in his mind by doing the damn favor of staining his skin. To Chrollo's displeasure, it wasn't a lie.

Now, the relationship of the boy with the rest of the Phantom Troupe is somewhat... Curious. curiously: When Sundra doesn't like something, any extension of that becomes a nuisance as well, and he sees those people as extensions of Chrollo, but he doesn't hate them. He has an internalized curiosity about some of them, like Phinks, Feitan, and Franklin. The Troupe, however, maintains some rigid composure around the boy because they are aware of his relationship with Chrollo. In a way, this intimidates them; they wouldn't want to deal with Chrollo. Because if Sundra is an aberration, Chrollo is a demon-

Now, Hisoka is a case apart. He knows that the members originating from Meteor City wouldn't try anything, but Hisoka? That always keeps Chrollo on alert whenever the two are in the same space or within a 25 km radius. Chrollo always advises him not to exchange words with the Hisoka, but his instructions always fall on deaf ears, and this tests the patience of the leader of the criminals.

Sundra had a name offered to him by the mafia, but he completely rejected it (he said it was cheesy).

Nemesis:

Nemesis is a bestial and wrathful creature, like a skittish cat. Previously, the girl had a completely different life, with a family, a name, dreams... But everything came crashing down when her tribe was attacked and separated by slave traders.

Nemesis was part of a bestial tribe of feline-looking beastmen, the young one was known as El'Drue, and she was the daughter of an important warrior within her group. However, the young woman wished to be one of the healers of her tribe and strived to achieve what she wanted. Life as a wanderer was difficult and dangerous, but she could do it because that's how her people knew how to live. But everything she knew as affection changed suddenly in an instant when the slave traders arrived, with those horrible nosebands. She hates remembering how all her memories were destroyed by petty people, causing her so much suffering. Those traders traveled several runes until they reached the cities of illegal trade; it took almost four years to finally be auctioned off and taken from that wagon. That was when the bestial woman fell into the hands of the LeBlue mafia. They gave her a name, clean clothes, and a place to sleep. It wasn't much, but for someone who had nothing, that was true paradise. They raised her to serve that household and eliminate any traitor, anything that dared to turn against her master. And she did.

Nemesis is aware that those people are not good citizens; good people do not kill and do not traffic in jewels and historical objects. However, they gave her a place to call home. Five years later, she was sent to Meteor City as part of an agreement between her master and the Elder of the city, a pawn for another. She was there to work with the natives of the city, and honestly? She hated the three years she spent in that city. It was a sad place. This made her lose her status in society; she was erased from the records. Disappeared completely. And yet, even after everything, she could still feel some compassion for the people of that city, how they were so similar to her.

She is a wrathful and quiet woman, which is advantageous when acting alone and in silence. But her methods changed abruptly when she started acting in a group. That annoyed her, although she didn't often share her thoughts, her actions were already sufficiently understandable. Nemesis has a lot of distrust in people, even after getting to know them, due to her traumatic past. And she particularly detests humans. She can coexist with them, but it doesn't mean she likes them, especially Sundra; the girl harbors a particular grudge against him. She abhors his arrogance and vanity, especially after he implied that he would sleep with her if there was no one better available. She, however, still has some respect for Tyche, as he never crossed her limits and even praised her occasionally. Internally, she likes to receive this kind of verbal validation; after all, it was what she received the most while serving the LeBlue.

Nemesis knows that she will never get her old life back and still does not deal well enough with grief; it is still alive and palpable in her skin and actions. Her scars are deep and painful, and sometimes, she wakes up with dry tears in her eyes, hating it, especially when it's Sundra's turn to night patrol; he always makes a point to remind her that she was crying all night. He's a despicable sadist—then she tries to kill him, and that's when Tyche intervenes.

Nemesis has very sensitive ears and a keen sense of smell, which irritates her at times. Sundra takes advantage of her bestial characteristics as much as he can; sometimes, he pulls her by the tail when he's in a hurry, and quickly, it turns into a tug-of-war. Other times, he just steps on her tail with dirty boots, making her scream and jump very high. In general, he is the one who has the most fun!

She has seen many movies (and none were by choice) because Sundra drags her to the cinema after their missions. These scenarios are always comical, look: they are bloodied and scratched while asking for two tickets from a scared attendant. She had not seen any movies until then, so when she told the partner (and how she regrets it), he started referring to her as a Neanderthal-

sorry i am lazy today

Hiiiiiiiii

Idk if you’re comfortable with hurt/comfort, but if you are I got a request for you! Lol

Basically, the idea is headcanons (or writing) of Jafar with an S/O that suffered SEVERE narcissistic abuse, and him quickly dealing just how much damage behaviors like his can cause. Like, he has to calm them down from a ptsd flashback, and they end up saying something about the “mind games” they were always playing, and how they were always on eggshells, and he’s basically over here like “ohhhh fuk…I do that kind of thing to people…”

Ooh some hurt comfort?? Coming right up 👀

I'm by no means an expert on this topic, so I'll stick with headcannons for now, but if you like 'em I'm more than open to writing a full imagine in future!!

Cracks my knuckles

Jafar with an abused S/O~!

Given the way he speaks, I wouldn't be surprised if it was something he said that triggered the unfortunate episode

A nasty, condescending comment about a hobby of yours, a hissing remark correcting your behaviour, or even deliberately misconstruing something you've said -- Incredibly self-serving, of course, but he's a master manipulator, and can very easily play the victim in even the tiniest arguments

Nothing could prepare him, however, for the sudden fit of anxiety and terror his words would induce

He is WOEFULLY uneducated on such things, and would regrettably have absolutely zero clue how to approach the situation -- He'd more than likely just freeze, simply staring down at you as you crumble

Once he's snapped out of his stupor, his first instinct would be to remove himself from the situation

He's clearly upset you, and he'd rather die than debase himself by admitting to his own wrongs. What a PATHETIC move that would be, huh?? (/sar)

Perhaps not the greatest instinct, but he'd give you time to cool off, to return to yourself, before slinking back in to discuss what caused your 'hysteria' (🙄🙄)

Likely with some warm tea to show in the smallest sense that he does actually CARE about you. It's not much, but it might be enough to get you talking

He would have fully intended to make a half-assed attempt at listening, followed by an empty promise to 'do better' and some kisses to top it off, but, in true Jafar fashion, his interest is piqued when you start describing the shit that he is oh so good at

The insufferable superiority complex, the 'do-no-wrong' mentality, the near constant mind games, manipulation and victimisation -- every single experience you describe he resonates with far too much

He hasn't had much experience with guilt, but you're his beloved. He cares about you. The sickly feeling creeps, resting heavier and heavier on his shoulders the more you manage to tell him

Truly an 'ohhhh fuck... I do that shit' moment if there ever was one

It's become second nature to him, almost a survival tactic -- not any excuse for his behaviour, of course, but he rarely gives a second thought to how awful the effects can be

He hates that it was you who had to tell him. He's supposed to be your biggest supporter, not your worst enemy

His illusion of perfection is shattered -- You aren't lucky to be with him, HE'S lucky you've put up with his disposition for as long as you have. He feels terrible.

All at once, you're wrapped up in a hug. Physical touch isn't his forte, but when you're as bad at apologies as he is, sometimes you have to compromise

This may be the first time you've ever heard a genuine 'sorry' from him

He will make an effort. Not to better himself as a whole, hell no, but to be better for you. The last thing he'd want to do is hurt you the way you've been hurt before. That'd be the WORST thing for his overinflated ego.

He's trying <3

maybe me getting drunk is just ---> wow chico is really hot. of coruse, i wouldn't think this as a regular thought but for the fact that i strategetically only drink on saturdays which is also the day that we watch OZ. so i really should work on my fic at this point but i keep thinking woow wowoowow. i need to write something sexy for once like acutally. There is a song called Down in Mexico that I want to write a fic based on where it's like an Au where miguel is on the run and meet chico after crossing the border and they hook up . <3 I think it would be interesting but i am NOOTTT good at writing smut so ive yet to write it but one day (hopefully I will). i think a hang up i have with writing Oz is like I'm like "this is a cold place" but jhonestly? fanfiction is a kind of escapism so I needn't apply such realism loll. myabe they just fall in love? EVER THINK Of THAt. it could be beautiful. i should write fluff more 😤 Altho, for now, I need to work on my cdrama fanfic bc god knows i dont' relaly have time to write during the week lately. i love you chico x miguel. what a great ship! hits all the spots for me.

Ather fics I woould like to write:

mukada x jeremiah (but i don't know enough bible verses or reallly any christianity). But i think it would be interesting

since sister brought it up: mukada x tobias???? i feel like they would just be wholesome and nice to each other and that's kind of ncie, is it not?

i think writng a fic with more catholic guilt would be interesting. personallhy my only religious experience with asian fathers is like the bible study i was tricked into as a teen (due to moms) (i also went to christian camp and a catholic university but somehow i retained no christian knowledge really) .so i have an aversion to asian christians due to the person homophobia I experienced. but I think mukada is nice and sort of interesting sometimes. I don't relaly think much of mukada/miguel tho because I feel like mukada is more of a mentor in that situation rather than a lover. and i don't think he would be toxic like that altho i can see why people ship it.

sister is insane with the mukada x glynn of course.

I think other ships worthy of exploration include:

ryan x tobias (need to read/comment on more fic for this. i have trouble concentrating on reading which is why i still haven't gone through the whole archive). I really like ryan in fanfiction altho i must admit i don't care for him much in the actual show. i read ryanx miguel fic before i had finished watching the show and the writers were so talented i ended up enjoying the fic/pairing, altho i think if i had watched the show first, i wouldn't have shipped at all bv ryna is highkey a piece of shit lol.

ryan x stanislofskyi. GET ON IT.

i find myself writing more jia kenmin & cyril fic. (well, two). I think jia kenmin is really just so underwritten it's hard to know what he thinks (beside arrogant) but cyril is so nice. I think an interesting au would be if kenmin actually taught cyril wushu. god, would cyril call kenmin kenny?? btw kenmin is pronounced closer to "kin mean" actually. they don't pronounce it properly in the show. i wish he was a better character because chinese are so underrepresented in u.s media (of course this was the 90s, but at the same time, there are 90s new york shows with plenty of asian rep). Oz is actually really bad at depiction race outside of black and white. there are no south asians in Oz lol. Also it's stupid that Kenmin and Chen and the refugees all seem to be from the mainland. my mom emigrated to the U.S in the 80s and she lived in New york for a while when she had her work visa and worked in a restaurant and she said that most of the asian people there were from taiwan and japan at the time and the taiwanese looked down on the mainlanders for being backwards and poor (they had a big superiority complex and discriminated against mainlanders) . i feel like jia kenmin looks like he's maybe from guangdong or some such province so i imagine his parents are first generation. li chen is maybe from the north because he is paler. their (the actors) chinese sucks, of course. maybe there are no triad members in oz because they just don't get caught, though? It's probably a good thing there are no arab inmates in oz or i think they wouldve done some piss poor 9/11 plot tbh (woe) [EDIT: sober me coming in to add/close this tangent --> what I wanted to say about Kenmin, Chen, and the refugees is that I think it would've made more sense for some of them to be from Hong Kong]

other pairings uuuhh said x tobias, said x arif, sister said said x nacim and i'm kind of on board tbh bc nacim is so devoted to said. but that could also be platonic.

morales. i don't ship him with anyone except that i joke ship him with pancamo (also ship pancamo with torquemada) . I just think it's a shame oz has been around for 20 years and no one has bothered with morales?? rude

wish there was more paul markstrom fic. he seemed really competetn

The problem is that MCU is willing to show the system is flawed but not willing to admit it's wrong. Either wrong in what the system did or does or that simply the system in itself is wrong in extending at all.

Few bad apples excuse. Say it needs to be better but never show how it needs to be fundamentally changed to stop the rot from spreading

It's like they think we're too stupid to understand complex storylines, and they have been doing this for a while now. TFATWS was the worst offender along with the Loki series as they had the audacity to demand that Bucky make amends to the victims as if he wasn't a victim himself. All that focus on his actions and feelings of guilt and not a damn second spent on trying to hold the government accountable for Hydra.

TWS did a part of it right with Steve deciding to take down all of Shield, but that story was quickly forgotten and CW even had the guts to try and paint the heroes in a bad light as if the government had any moral superiority here (it's still mind-blowing to me that Ross showed the NYC invasion and the helicarriers and those two were framed as arguments against the heroes and not the government).

It's super status quo-friendly which is a little insulting given that superhero movies should be the exact opposite of that. And it winds up hurting the characters as well: Steve wouldn't have left the Raft after getting his friends out, he would have done something about the prison itself. Loki would never feel amazed by the TVA, he's the god of outcasts for crying out loud, he'd be horrified by them. Sam would never tell Bucky to man up and go to the victims, he would have stormed the freaking White House to have a word with the President himself and tell him off for trying to blame it all on Bucky.

I get why we have that speech in TWS when Steve calls out to the good agents inside Shield and a lot of them stand up and fight off the Hydra shills. But damn... something should have been done regarding the "good" people who agreed with Hydra's methods without knowing it and let them grow strong enough to almost put 3 helicarriers in the air. Marvel wants us to believe those were all Hydra but that's not true... and that's the scary part!

Too bad Secret Invasion was too scared to go that route. Every single one of these movies and series are always the same: this new organization is super fucked up and all the agents are doing stuff that is shady af but don't worry, we'll kill the guy on top and everything will be alright 🤦‍♀️

gentle reminder that you can just not like something because you don't like it.

there doesn't need to be some external reason for your dislike— a book you don't like doesn't have to be "bad writing". you can just not like it because you don't like it. a game you don't think is fun doesn't have to be be "unbalanced", "broken", "badly designed". you can just… not like it.

of course, those things CAN be true, but just because someone don't like something doesn't mean the work is bad or that it must be flawed in some way.

9/10 times, what makes people say those things is the desire for the answer to why. at best it's just seeking validation, worse is that it's a desire for a sense of superiority, and the absolute worst is just because it's cool to hate stuff now.

but what happens is that seeking these reasons put the onus on the creator for not pleasing them, specifically, when they might not have been the target audience at all or perhaps they're just judging the work compared to some hypothetical idealized imaginary version that only exists in their head and never has nor ever will exist, which is kind of unfair.

and then, so so so often people get fucking rude about it. because what happens is that instead of admitting they just didn't like it, which has the potential of opening THEMSELVES up to be vulnerable— to be judged on their taste in media or whatever it may be —they instead throw the "blame" onto the artists and creative professionals.

that's not to say media can't be bad or have flaws. it absolutely can. but I'd wager that more often than not, the thing that people "have a problem" with is not even actually the cause of the issue, and thus they end up throwing shade at entirely the wrong group of people.

laypeople have very little idea what goes on behind the scenes. most media is pretty complex. there's a lot of moving parts, a lot of input from many, many stakeholders. rarely is it just "the writing" or "the balance" that's wrong. these are handwave-y terms that are pretty much a massive red flag that indicates someone has very little idea of what goes into making something like a film, a show, a game, etc.

like, the core reasons for the issue have almost certainly been debated and talked to death about. someone brought up the issue, and for whatever reason a decision was made for it to be the way it is. maybe it was a budget issue. maybe it was a creative choice. who knows? who cares. but I wish people would stop and consider what those reasons might be before being outright fucking rude and saying no one knows how to do their jobs lmao.

people are so quick to jump on "wouldn't it be great if…" and "imagine if they'd done it this way?"

like, can we just— 

imagine if it was like that and it fucking sucked?

I worked with a guy whose head was effectively in the clouds like this. he was a nightmare to work with, because for problems for which we only had a teeny budget to solve, he'd propose some ideal solution that was actually hugely lofty and would've taken quintuple the amount of developer hours to build. HE was bad at his job because he couldn't work in scope. and often scope is far less resources than we'd like, so the solutions weren't at all perfect or user friendly. you just have to do your best with what you have, and just because every little thing isn't 10/10 doesn't mean it's a failure or that it's bad. something can absolutely be just kind of fine, too? but anyway his attitude was exactly like all these people online who think they've come up with the "perfect" solution to make something better.

like, sure maybe? in a vacuum?

the funny part is that sometimes you even get to build that thing with the unlimited budget and resources, review it, only to realize holy hell it's actually terrible.

(see: new coke)

idk basically this is probably in the top 5 of why I almost don't ever engage with fans of anything online.

Gwatch: Mobile Suit Gundam 0079 Ep 2

Time for Episode 2. After a high-octane first episode, EP 2 has some minor administrative stuff to take care of in regards to laying out the situation the protagonists will be in. As before, be wary of spoilers.

Pictured: the Captain of the White Base asking a sensible question about war machines that would later be almost exclusively piloted by people too young to legally drink

Let's talk about Zakus. People love Zakus. They're cute little cyclops guys, and they get totally manhandled basically from start to finish whenever they appear which gives them underdog points, but it's worth noting that at this point the story goes out of its way to establish that even a Zaku, the punching bag mook suit of future Gundam lore, is a huge threat.

Char reports losing two Zakus, and his superior cannot believe his ears. These are the shaky beginnings of mobile suits, and the Earth Federation doesn't really have any horses in that race yet. They're still trying to fight off Zakus with tanks and planes, and the Zakus are as far above conventional military vehicles as the Gundam is above the Zakus.

Two Zakus murdered entire crowds of people. They're stated to have wiped out almost every single military officer and engineer that was supposed to staff the White Base. They're directly responsible for the ongoing crisis that the protagonists experience throughout the series; those two random guys Amuro yolo'd in a suit he could barely get to stand up were more effective in stalling the Federation war effort than almost anything that follows.

And they sort've need to be that effective, because the audience needs to be sold on the premise of mechs as a weapon of war, subject to the logistics and concerns of the battlefield. Previous shows in the genre have been more super robot types, so they got a free pass, but the Zaku needs to show why you wouldn't just use a tank or more conventional vehicle, and that threat level has been established early on (even if it's mostly brushed over; as mecha fans will admit, the question "but why does it have to be a giant robot?" doesn't have any good practical answers outside of it being cooler. Even if you ignore things like the square-cube law and the difficulty in scaling up a humanoid body, even if you ignore how complex mecha would be in comparison to a tank loaded with the same armaments, the simple fact is that humanoid is not a particularly effective shape to be on a modern battlefield.)

Sayla Mass shortly after slapping a random civilian who has understandably elected to get himself away from an active battlefield instead of roaming around looking for survivors, then telling him he should be left behind to die instead of being evacuated. Her sweater has become part of her skin; she's a Na'vi from the neck down.

Sayla's an interesting character who basically never appears in other Gundam shows, despite the fact that she'd be pretty relevant to a couple of them and the series being quite happy to include previous major characters in later instalments. I forget why this is the case -- I think it might have had something to do with her VA? -- but either way, she's one of the few who doesn't return in any meaningful role, which means we can only enjoy her here.

Part of what makes her fun to watch is that, when she's not just randomly slapping potentially traumatised survivors of a military attack, she's generally pretty effective. Within minutes of us being told her name, she's pulled a gun on Char, who's snuck into the colony on foot to do a bit of spying (which is honestly something of a habit for him as the Gundam series goes on). He almost immediately disarms her because he's Char and also extremely effective when he wants to be, but hey.

Char Aznable playing Touhou in his off time. Seriously, this guy dodges lasers like it's going out of style.

As Char makes his escape with the valuable data, we're treated to what will become a fairly common sight: Amuro getting out the beam rifle and just kind of yeeting all of his ammunition at nothing in particular. This time, he has excuses; he's aiming at human targets in a mobile suit, and he's never really killed a human in cold blood before. He also pulls off a couple of neat shots where he hits two missiles mid-flight. But I remember the amount of times 'oh no I fired wildly with my rifle and didn't hit anything, and now I have no ammo!' became a complicating factor becoming something of a joke to me.

We're then treated to the first ever battle between Amuro Ray and Char Aznable, which ends up as more or less a stalemate. Make no mistake: Amuro gets completely manhandled by Char, who's an accomplished ace pilot with five battleship kills to his name. But the Gundam is so OP for this point in the series that, even though Amuro can't really touch him, Char can't really capitalise on the opportunity since the Gundam can tank his weapons head on. In the end, their skirmish is a mutual loss. Amuro loses to a pilot. Char loses to a suit.

But Char walks away with a head full of the Federation's military secrets and a much better understanding of the Gundam's threat level, and he has supplies and reinforcements on the way...

Hi I’m Nish, I wanted to join the 365 days matchup event. I like Tokyo revengers. Thanks so much!

Personality: INTJ 3w4. I tend to act very arrogantand cocky as a defense mechanism. I don't like being vulnerable with people because it's not their job to worry about my problems. I come across very calm and collected and people rely on me for advice but can't let myself depend on anyone. I'm really analytical and am good at finding loopholes and working around problems under pressure. I'm not good with emotional support and can come across a little cold because of that. Under everything I think I'm very kind but feel like I burden people with my presence a lot of times. I have a hard time relaxing or enjoying things because I've been conditioned to always consider how it will look on mine and my family's reputation. I'm a perfectionist and hold myself to very high standards. I look intimidating but I'm actually just socially awkward and suck at small talk (because it seems kind of pointless to me). My love language is giving gifts but I'm not sure what my love language to receive is.

Hobbies/Likes: I love fashion and I've been a model since I was 14, I used to do pageants as a kid, I make my own music and music is probably the thing I love the most. It's really what I use to process the world so music is definitely the way to my heart. I can't play any instruments but I can sing and do digital music production. (I've always wanted to be in a rock band) I'm a good artist but I don't like doing it on a deadline (I took an AP art class back in high school and didn't draw for 2 years after it cuz I hated being forced to draw. It's like when something you like becomes a chore) I've gotten back into drawing recently tho. I've also been doing martial arts since I was 7 + fencing. I'm good at chess and poker and made money from playing/betting on games when I was younger. I also love reading.

Dislikes: Misogyny (when people especially men undermine my intelligence and experience and end up making a mistake I warned them about only for them to listen when another man repeats the same thing l've been saying since the beginning), big egos with nothing to back it up, people who can't keep up with me (I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone whose hand I have to hold all the time. They need to be on the same level/wavelength as me and not drag me down), being a coward and not standing up for your own beliefs/motives, people that are way too nice (whoever I end up with has to have a mean streak because it shows they are able to take action when needed), being self absorbed and not considering the consequences of your actions. People who have a moral superiority complex that think they're better than me for not wanting to break rules to get what they want. People who can't take responsibility for what they do (Everything I do is on purpose so even if it's a bad thing I'll admit to it because whatever happens as a result is no one's problem but my own). Although I will say there's sometimes an exception to these things depending on the person and situation.

My main highest kins are Mikey (TR), Ran Haitani (TR) Vanitas (VNC), Kaguya Shinimiya (Love is war), xiao(Genshin), Yurio (yuri on ice), Vil (twisted wonderland). I’ll send selfies through DM.

alright, first of all when i read your info i had already have two men to match you up with and when i saw you selfie i got sooo excited cos i think i matched you up right !!

btw thanks for joining the event. i hope you enjoy this ♡

draken: draken is the type not to force you into something you're uncomfortable with. i'd say between the two of you he'd be more vocal about his emotions so i think he will balance the you of out but at the same i don't think he's the type to crave/ask for attention or affection which is good bc from what i picked from what you said, sometimes you come across as cold. also, what's good about him is he views individuals through their strengths which is a good match for you bc from the things you told me i assumed that you wouldn't want to be treated as a soft person which a partner has to constantly look out for and that's how draken is. he trusts in the abilities of the people close to him loke how he trusts mikey and takemichi. physically, damn you both look hot together and i'm talking about (sorry to compare you both to dogs, i tried ok) model poodles walking down a runway. you both look untouchable and i would definitely use you both as a shield when someone comes up to me to pick a fight. overall, i do think you're a good match for draken if you want someone who can understand you without the burden of explaining all the time and if you want a partner who supports with whatever you pursue bc he trusts you.

ran haitani: ok, first off. i had ran in my mind before i finished reading your entry and boy i was shock when you kin him. right off the bat you give me haitani vibes so why not put their last name name after your first name, right? kidding, but srsly tho i think the two of you will be a match bc you two are alike. who says opposites attract when you can date a person who understands you completely which saves you both the burden of conflicts? i bet ran is the type to say things that may seem like it's out of proportion but pulls it off easily (hot). i can see you both debating on what is morally right and wrong but in the end you both agree on the gray area, that in some situations morals depends on context. i think you both will have a good and healthy relationship and probably the type of comments you get when people ask who you are dating will be like, "it makes sense", "i can totally see it", or "no doubts they ended up together."

ㅡbtw you both have the eldest child vibes lmao

m.list | tr.list | 365 DAYS EVENT

I just would like to formally admit and tell you that I am a very deeply insecure person. I would say more so than the average person.

If I were to ever crash and die in a fatal car accident, and nothing were left of me besides my silly little tumblr's -- please know to whomever, that I have struggled with this my whole life.

And I believe that my insecurity has lead to the demise of all my romantic relationships and has hurt my existing ones before.

I don't know where this deep insecurity within me comes from, but I've been insecure for as long as I can remember.

Even as a very young child, I believed that nobody would want to be my friend. I believed that I was annoying or uninteresting. I believe that for a lot of my youth growing up (elementary, junior high, high school) that I developed a superiority complex, where I believed that everyone else was uninteresting and annoying, therefore I had no interest in being their friend, or forming any true connections with them.

I have an odd shame about myself and my interests, and feel the need to hide or just general embarrassment of them. This is mostly experienced around my parents/family.

For instance, if I'm browsing for a book to be interested in, I fear that my mom will judge me for reading that type of content.

I can feel embarrassed of the music and movies I like, and feel the need to hide it sometimes.

Or if someone were to ask me to show them a movie, I wouldn't bother -- because they'll think it's stupid or boring.

The same goes for a song

Unfortunately, this probably contributes to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because I am too embarrassed of my interests, I appear that I have none, because I'm unwilling to share them.

~

I think into my adulthood, I have let go of this superiority complex -- and instead have traded it for maybe something even worse. I often feel graced by the people in my life, and I am in disbelief that they would choose to, let alone want to spend their time and invest in me.

~

Unfortunately, this has been extremely prevalent in my adult romantic relationships, and the root at which they have all failed.

~

A lot of my insecurity and unworthiness of romantic love/sexual attraction is because I really struggle with the way I look. I have a feature that I "check" using my phone camera and mirror to monitor how it looks. This is very often where I hit my forehead years ago, because it has caused me severe facial dysmorphia. Other times it's my hair, the size of my eyes, the color of my teeth. I constantly check under my chin for any signs of excess fat. I also check my symmetry of my facial features. I sometimes don't like my cheeks (size/color). Believe me when I tell you I pick a feature to bother my every week (unintentionally). I face check very regularly, and often look a past pictures of myself. This is something that hurts me.

~

Emotionally and mentally, I am deeply affected by my insecurity. This is primarily channeled in my romantic relationships. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my romantic partner physically looks at me the most, and it spurts a lot of panic that I have about my features.

I have an awful notion that I am not worth being in a relationship with. This is a huge, reoccurring problem. I believe that I am not worth giving up the "hunt" and my partner would be a lot happier and better off without me in their lives. Why would/should they commit to a relationship with me, and invest in me, when they can date and have sex with other women. Why me, when they can have them? Why would I be their girlfriend, when someone more beautiful, more interesting, more secure, could be their girlfriend?

~

I wish that I wasn't wired like this, simply born with this. Because it often pulls me back inside myself -- where I am unable to live and be in the present because I am panicking about my very own just -- being. This isn't just around significant others.

~

The panic and overthinking about myself and my looks are so exhausting, that I value being home alone where nobody can see me. And often times I can mope, or curl into a ball on top of my bed and nobody would know that I'm getting so down, so troubled.

👀 but your fav headcanon from TW3 that you are willing to share

You know how I don't like S3 at all, right? 🤣 And I shamefully admit that I did not try hard enough (or at all really) to fix the mountain of dumb shit in that season, so my headcanons are not ground breaking or anything. 🥲

Having said that, I think my favorite part is that I tried to shift Aurora's resentment from Klaus to Elijah. She still harbors a lot of resentment towards Klaus, as I think would be natural given that she lost 100 years of her life to his family as a whole and he never went looking for her, which would obviously make her feel betrayed. But I didn't want her whole personality to be jealous crazy ex who never got over her crush from 9 centuries ago. Instead, while she's still very much bitter towards Klaus, it's Elijah she truly hates. He's the one who effectively fucked with her life by compelling her to reject Klaus so he wouldn't carry her with them when they fled and then to make her, Tristan and Lucien believe they were Rebekah, Elijah and Klaus for the next 100 years and live on the run from Mikael.

The jealousy/bitterness she has towards Caroline stems not exactly from the fact she's with Klaus (obviously, someone with Aurora's superiority complex would never think that Caroline could be better than her in any way, she thinks she is and will always be Klaus' true match because she was his first vampire lover, is almost as old as him, she knew him from a different lifetime, and she also has the same kind of mentality as Lucien and Tristan that she's some kind of vampire royalty). The brunt of her hard feelings come from the fact that she realizes Elijah also cares for Caroline, that she was embraced as a part of the family, that she has become essentially a Mikaelson, which is everything Aurora had always wanted to be.

So why would Elijah accept her when he refused Aurora so violently, thus determining the spiral of chaos that ended up being her entire existence (she was manipulated by Tristan her whole life, treated like a mental patient to the point she actually did become a little cuckoo in the head)? What does this simple girl, who's a baby vampire, have that she doesn't? So that's what draws her attention to Caroline. It's not just listening to her name once and getting all jealous for no reason (Aurora is also very much not sleeping with Klaus at this point, which is important to highlight lol). She wants to know why Caroline is family, when Elijah fought her every step of the way, and eventually erased her from Klaus' mind so he would never, ever try to find her again, and maybe possibly release her from her torment. Aurora's idea of Klaus, from the time when they first meet, is that he could be the one who would free her from her controlling family, and I think part of her kept that feeling throughout the centuries, except he never questioned her rejection, never fought for her, never went back to find her, and she blames Elijah for that.

So that's why she ends up torturing Caroline in a way she didn't do with Cami, showing her pieces of the past by punching her memories into Caroline's debilitated mind (by gigantic doses of vervain) so that Caroline would realize that Elijah is not the nice guy she thinks he is, that she only exists in Klaus' life because Elijah made so, and that he is responsible for everything. She's not special, she's not the love of Klaus' life, she's just a replacement Elijah took in because he felt guilty and she gave them a baby to play with. She just wants to destroy the family from the inside.

And what that creates is a rupture between Elijah and Caroline, more so than between Caroline and Klaus. Yes, there are some wrinkles there, but they sort it out fast enough. The part I like the most is how Caroline reacts to what she saw from Elijah, and how disappointed she is in him. She trusted him with her life from the very beginning, at certain points she trusted him more than she trusted Klaus, they become incredibly close, she sees him as a best friend, almost like a brother. She loves Elijah. And now she thinks he was just using her to soothe his own guilty conscience, like if he could force Klaus to accept her and the baby, maybe he would be making up for having essentially taken away from him what could've been the real love of his life. So did Klaus ever really want her, or did Elijah just convince him to stick around until he decided to accept it?

And she's also angry on Klaus' behalf. When Elijah compelled Aurora, he started Klaus on a cycle of anger and resentment that made him hard and skeptical to the point he started thinking all love was just a weakness that should be obliterated. So she thinks Elijah, who spent his whole life criticizing Klaus and blaming him for everything that ever happened to their family, was actually at least partially responsible for what Klaus turned into, not only by indulging him the way he always did, but also by breaking his heart in such a cruel way - on purpose and because of Esther, who was a total bitch. The part where she confronts him about that is one of my favorites.

So yeah, that's my favorite headcanon from TW3. 🤣🤣 I'm sure @definedareasofuncertainty would say it's Camijah. 🥲 I was also, if i may say so myself, proud of my explanation for the whole vampire!Cami disaster. And also some bits closer to the end of the season, when Klaus and Caroline take off with baby Eve to run from the vamps flocking over to New Orleans and it ends up being them on a family roadtrip that turns out better than they imagined.

That was an interesting one, Ennie! Thank you!

welcome to the day a duck ruins your perception of items in genshin impact. i uh. made some items in genshin impact as yandere boys and what they're like sort of?? you could try and burn your eyes now. ;) adepti seekers stove- he's going to be a tsundere no buts or uhts. he's the type of yandere that's trying to be protective and failing miserably everytime. so being impatient and angsty. so, he resorts in kidnapping you instead. but hey look on the bright side! even when you're kidnapped you can have delicious meals and snacks! secretly likes to cook for you a lot, but he won't admit it even in death. just don't question why there's a lingering scent of sleeping potions in your meal and you'll be good as jolly jee! probably wants you to help him in the kitchen, since he once heard that couples do that. would probably give you self esteem issues down the line. "didn't i tell you to not get hurt? are you that much of an idiot?? here. have this it'll lessen the pain just a bit so we can walk back home. just drink it already." windsong lyre- smug bastard, smug shit. he's probably a player or just overly dramatic with everything. maybe he's righteous or something.. likes to show off his music skills a lot. he sucks at it tho. gaslights you probably in public places to add more pressure, because people are staring like you're having a performance or something. calls you love even if he's pissed at you for not listening to him, or accusing him of being toxic or suspecting him of being your stalker that always watches you from your window at 2am! would make you paranoid a lot. loves kissing your cheek and tickling you. he's a closeted pervert. you're gonna have to move in an isolated place too, he will spread rumours of you being his lover. "love, I'm sure that you're just overreacting. plus even if i was the stalker that you're talking about I wouldn't be oh so casually talking to you in public when I could've been hiding! jeez it's like your going crazy." wind-blessed harpastrum- such sweety! just so wholesome bakes you a pie in tuesday sweet. seems patient too but beware he will break your legs when you get a little bit too bratty for his tastes. touch starved too and it shows, that's why he loves to cuddle you lots! really obsessed with what you think of him. if you say you hate him he'll tear up and try to convince you that he's good, but if you pretend that you like him he'll shower you with uncomfortable affection and confessions. really great at making bombs and torture weapons too. probably sewed in a bomb inside your body threatened that he will kill you with it if you leave. bad at darts and archery. if you say that to him he'll laugh and take out his diploma saying that he's too smart for those childish games. he's impulsive in decision making. "haha. you know. you almost escaped from me back there. but hey! now you won't do anything stupid like that ever again if you can't walk." windblume balloon: listen man. im going to be killed but he's an airhead, pun intended right there. probably lowkey manipulative and doesn't even know it yet or chooses to ignore it. protective of you a lot. really delusional to the point that he rationalizes your escape as someone kidnapping you. so say goodbye to whoever poor stranger who was trying to help you escape they'll be greeted by an arrow through their head once he finds you. has a habit of holding your hand because he's afraid you might disappear from his line of sight and leave him all alone. if you let go tho he'll gorilla grip your hand, might crush it too. just very overprotective. he also doesn't know that he's an airhead. yeah."hm? why do i like holding you hand..? i just like it.. your hand makes me feel... uh. safe..? is that the word for it? ah. it was the word loved." wind catcher- he's a full on sadist. throw all of your escape plans out the window, this guy will climb a mountain and ride any wind current available to catch and torture you. persistently trying to make you like him atleast a bit. yeah, he's that kind of delusional. would teasingly push you

of a cliff as a 'light' punishment. dark humour and likes to joke about killing you from time to time. note: he can kill you. and he would also do it by ripping you in half with the wind current so just stay in his house and be a good lover that'll shower him in kisses, okay? okay. he mostly sees you as a tool of interest, but not just any tool- you're his favourite tool. "pfft! hey stop crying now! you're making me feel bad! hm? oh? why am i doing this? well i mean maybe I'm angry that someone was trying to escape. again." warming bottle- he will absolutely leave you in the cold if you were being a brat towards him. lives in dragonspine to spite you, also because he can just turn take away your blankets and anything that can give warmth so you gotta ask him to cuddle you to survive. he usually does this when he's feeling a little petty. which is so frequent. that you can almost give it a schedule. but don't tell him that. kind of a tsundere but only when it comes to physical affection since he's shy. that's why he has to take away your blankets so it looks like he's just mocking you but not because he's touch starved. he's not at home that much too but don't worry, he will make it up to you by uh.. physical activities.. "what? you're freezing? no shit we're in dragonspine. oh? you want me to hug you..? hm. fine. I'll indulge you for a bit. I am quite merciful." parametric transformer- businessman that scams you a lot lol. he's going to be a masochist because i said so, yeah i know the electric stone thing gag that's why i made him a masochist. really likes to collect useless stuff and spoiling you, so expect your room to be filled with a lot of random things from jewelry to mushrooms and crabs. has a you should be grateful i even give stuff mindset. thinks that giving someone something of vaue would make them fall in love with him instantly. also probably loves it when you fight back especially when you successfully land a hit on him, he will enjoy it. but be careful he has different responses whenever you hit him. pick your poison. spends a ton of resources on everything to keep you in line. that rope costed him 700 pinecones. "why do you even wanna escape? i give you a ton of stuff so you won't get bored! hah. maybe if i had picked up someone else they would've been grateful." portable waypoint- throw out your escape plans the season sequel. he's very quiet but has a small temper that won't last that much. maybe he's like that since he tries so hard to repress it. listen he's trying okay? escape always fails so quickly. one minute you're in springvale shouting, crying, begging for anyone to help you and then back to his house to see him sipping some tea. his punishments are cruel too- he makes sure to leave you in a den of monsters and ruin guards, waits until your in the brink of death and teleports you back to him. has a superiority complex over everyone too. probably likes to make you feel weak when you have to rely on him. loves to crush your self esteem. wants to be affectionate but thinks that you, as an inferior being, should be affectionate with him instead. so tsun. "see? this is what i was trying to tell you. you're too weak to actually survive out there. you even had to rely on me to save you. pathetic." memento lens- mysterious and elegant. he's quite cryptic to say the least. likes to watch you from a far if he's feeling a bit angsty. you try to make sense of what he says and it just leads to you being confused even more. and he likes that about you. you actually try to understand him, even if what you guess is wrong. you're going to have a tough time with this guy if you wanna escape. just avoid any fox statues and you'll be good. the problem is the shrine maidens. they basically want the two of you to end up together so they don't have to deal with him. he's actually very gentle with you punishments still suck but atleast he doesn't do it physically, he just makes you write that you're sorry over and over until your wrist are tired. loves poetry and solving puzzles, riddles, scriptures. he's

smart but soft. "spring blossoms even in the darkest depths of uncertainty, is that why you have the courage to try and escape me..?" kamera- perfectionist stalker. wants to make sure that the photos he takes of you are perfect to every extent. colour, lighting, and expressions. even if it means going inside your room and having the possibility of waking you up from your sleep. likes to take pictures of everything too. kind of like this; both of you are walking somewhere and he stops to take a picture of a sunset. he takes twenty minutes trying to find the correct angle. but the sun is already gone so he sulks. maybe- you can cheer him up by volunteering to be his model? you'll do that? right? also worships you like a god so if someone dared to even say something breath near you or celestia forbid insult you, best to say they'll be quickly disposed of by blackmail and fake shit. would not steal any of your belongings, he would just take pictures of it. so he's not that bad. "i consider everything in this world is beautiful, but you have surpassed that. so that is why im keeping you here. no one deserves even a glimpse of you!" waverider toolbox- he's such a gentlemen and a sweetheart. always there to help you with repairs, sometimes he'd add some updates to it too. just ignore the stuff going missing inside your boat thing. he probably guilt-gaslight you into staying with him in his waverider then bam your in an island stranded. ahaha, now both of you just have to survive by working together ya know? like a loving couple likes hugs and physical affection a lot! bonus points if it's given when he's tired from doing his job. as i said tired guy so appreciates all the things you do for him whether it's paying for his meal or giving him a gift. next time, he'll make sure that you won't leave the island permanently. thinks that stranded island equals date smh. " ahh? oh! is this for me? really? thank you.. i don't usually receive gifts but that just makes this even more special! say, do you wanna go on a trip? i just fixed the waverider from last time." red feather fan- mischievous little shit. likes to scare you a lot by appearing on trees and just jumping on you. knows that you're trying to escape but pretends not to since he likes to try and guess which direction you would run to. hugs you a lot even before he kidnaps you really touchy even if you say no he'll use the good ol puppy eyes! doesn't work? okay he'll just smell your clothes when you're sleeping as compensation. he likes to flirt with you a lot. some pickup are cheesy.. but others are a little- personal? acts cool by making a dramatic entrance everytime even. you know those radical superhero landing stuff? that's him. he would build a nest as your house even being a dick and placing it on top of a mountain, goodluck on trying to get down. "caught you! going to the shore was so predictable by the way. maybe you should try a different place next time, dear? hm? maybe a restaurant so we can have date? sounds great right?" serenitea pot- unhinged malewife that wants to make a the perfect living space for you- ehem. probably a perfectionist if you squint hard enough. he's delusional but just a little lucid about the stuff he does to you. likes to make a ton of furniture too! personalized the room you're trapped in with a ton of valuable and expensive materials. just don't try to escape he'll cut your limbs off just like a damn tree shawtie. owns a shit ton of pets ranging from boars to cats. all of them are like bodyguards to you during your stay. dreams about having a peaceful life with you in the realm someday, sigh. he sometimes has burnouts where he just places a bunch of furniture on a single room and call it a day. "and here is your room! do.. do you like it? i made it just for you! i didn't know what wood you would prefer so i just settled on whatever i can find! ahaha. we're kind of like a married couple living together now... right?" nre menu- he's probably going to be from the adventurers guild. really awkward and shy. takes for him a long time to

open up to you. when going on quests he's the one in charge of carrying the food and healing shit you need. really patient and nice! slightly uh mean with other people trying to talk to you but other than that everything is normal. everything is normal the long loving gaze he gives you every now and then and some food being left on your doorstep. yeah let's not question it i mean he's just so shy! he would never do anything wrong? right?? he's a closeted pervert, cliche i know but he's a pervert with a line to not cross. he just checks you out. good for him. would cry if given any ounce of affection. sweet baby. "t-that was a tough commission.. oh u-uh.. do you need some food to replenish your energy? we need to do the other commissions you know.. hm? why aren't you eating it.. something wrong with the food..?" seelies- spoiled. that's the word to describe him. really straight forward with his courting kind of dumb? but he's so damn lucky for some unknown reason that your plans to avoid him always fail. yeah the high quality rope you just bought for 1000 mora? it broke and you fell into his arms. he's probably rich by sheer dumb luck too. finds a ton treasure chests even in the places you didn't expect. people pressure you into spending time with him. since he's just so cute! how could say no to such a face? it really feels like the gods are on his side ya know? he throws a lot of very very aggressive tantrums if you're not with him. thinks he's doing a good job at courting you, with rationalize rejection as a playing hard to get. "tada! look i got you this crystal i found while i was walking! it looks like a diamond and it has a ton of colours too?? is it valuable?? would you kiss me if i give it to you??" endora- majestic, regal, and likes to explore a lot. he uh. probably trapped you in a bubble once or twice too. really curious about his surroundings, also has no personal space since it's first time going out. he would cuddle you when he feels like it homie. kidnapped you and made you his tour guide. don't try to fool him he learns quickly about stuff. fast swimmer, so no joining any expeditions in water if you don't want their ship to be wrecked by a mysterious being of the teyvat seas. he likes to see you cry. it's not a kink he just feels connected to you when you cry. doesn't have a house so you just live in a run down boat. he's doesn't know when you're lying to him sometimes. god complex bastard. "this world. at first i wasn't sure if i was going to like it or not, but ever since I've met you... I've grown to tolerate some parts.. so you should be thankful, you've convinced me. mortal." intertwined fate/older twin- listen. he's just so smug about everything he does. and he knows you love him. probably invites you out on dinner only for him to not show up. so basically he's an asshole without a doubt. toxic boyfriend that gives you false hope and has a ton of admirers. you probably think he won't settle for you right? ah, he's not that cruel. so picks you as his lover out of all the billions of people. you should be grateful! he even kidnapped you! do you know how hard it was for him to go all the way from his home to yours? anyways yeah. asshole. he likes to do the open the door for darling trick where he just gives you a small crack on the door and watch you make a decision. it's an act of your loyalty. if you escape he'll make you feel pain. if you don't then he'll reward your patience. god complex bastard 2."sigh. did you try to escape? again? patience is the key to everything you know. maybe you should learn that. i expected more smart from you." acquaint fate/younger twin- cinnamonroll he's such a sweet guy. he's always there for you when you need him. okay- he has a nice guy complex, fucking damn it. probably uses the but I've been there for you since the start trick unintentionally a lot. he just doesn't know he wants some action, so be thankful that he didn't just jump on you like a barbarian. he's kind of contradicting himself too. one hand he wants you to love him, on the other hand he doesn't

believe he deserves you. loves to give you the same things, remember that one painting you liked from two years ago? he got you that. quantity beats quality. surprisingly, he's really patient but would have bursts of anger every now and then. has a self value issues?? yeah, but did i tell you he's a touch starved guy. punshments are just him softly lecturing you about what's good and what's wrong."i always viewed myself as inferior, that i didn't deserve anything.. but this time. i want to be greedy just once." that's it- :'D i haven't proofread this but here you go mer! ill probably continue with more humanisations of items in genshin later.. if you ask why i ruined your day with this crazy idea i was watching that one video of a person humanising social media and got this idea. also i discovered how to bold out texts... i have power..ejwjdhshaj

so yeah have a great day! -🦆anon

I AM IN AWE?!?! WHOA OMG!!!!! 🦆, THIS IS FANTASTIC!! AAAAAA (≧∀≦)

All of the various characterizations… *chef’s kiss* It’s literally so good! With each one I read I kept thinking okay this guy is my favorite and then I would read the next description and my heart was stolen again. I can’t pick a favorite now. T_T