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#and if you dont watch yourself it will affect the development of a person in a horrid enough way that one ends up like Gem
spotsupstuff · 8 months
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How did Gem become the terrifying witch she is today? Was she like that when she was was first booted up?
probably similar case to Murder of Crows
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in the case of Crows, a Gen 3, her existence is explicitly filled with emotion cuz that's just how poor Gen 3s are. instead of the usual "going to anger/determination or joy", Crows' programming scanned through the starting info package and went clinical depression mode
Gen 1s are more callouse about emotions, robotical, usually fall back on logic in their first few years. Gem's programming scanned through the starting info package AND interacted with her elders- especially most likely Boreas and Disdain, two most morally complex Iterators currently online (Orion and Spore were sweethearts, Zephyr generally unavailable to anyone but Boreas and Orion)- and her programming concluded that morality is a choice she doesn't have to take to reach her goals- in fact it might actual hinder her progress- and deleted the stuff out of herself
cue typical growing up stuff in a society where death isn't taken all That seriously while still carrying the horrific effects on mental health like irl and you get Gem's brashness, lack of moral sense and readiness to dig through guts of still living things
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drdemonprince · 9 months
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I feel like you've answered a question on this before, so sorry if my search skillz failed me. how do you keep a playful attitude when trying new things? I started a book on wu-wei/'trying not to try' that has made me feel a bit hopeless so far, as I know that approaching things more casually/playfully will help it feel less painful (social situations, job search, dating, etc), but apparently you can't consciously try to be playful?!
Hmmmm this is a tricky question to answer, because it is far easier to describe what the end state feels like than to explain how I got there. But I will try!
I think if you're someone who tends to be quite skeptical and cynical about things, your first instinct during difficult situations might be to turn that skepticism toward yourself. You watch yourself trying to complete the new activity, or talk to the unfamiliar person, and all you can see is the flaws, and you tell yourself, "yeah, nice try bozo, you're never going to be good enough at this / it's never going to be worth it" and what do you know, you are crestfallen and unmotivated. And now that you're judging yourself and feeling shitty, it's even more difficult to complete the task.
but, in my experience in graduate school, developing as a creative writer, and just fumbling my way through social mores, there comes a time when you stop turning that skepticism on yourself all the time, and instead direct it outward, and begin to notice just how fucking confused and fucked up everybody else's attempts are. and if you're lucky, you might even notice other people's foibles and missteps with a sense of affection, rather than cruelty.
the more you step outside of yourself and observe others, the more you notice all the awkward things people say, the strange moments of crossed wires and missed signals, the jokes that fall flat, and just how much people really do not care about all of that so long as you keep engaged and keep your energy open and keep trying.
i have never seen a neurotypical socialize flawlessly. they say rude weird ass things and bump into other people all the fucking time! but they just keep going. often they don't even realize they've done anything wrong. and maybe they haven't even done anything wrong really. perfection isn't really what is expected. the energy is what matters more than the execution, and so if they move around with an open, receptive quality to themselves, and keep learning, they can get by being a little awkward or confused just fine.
and once you recognize how much people are fucking up all the time and that it doesnt really matter, and nobody really cares, for me it gets a lot easier to saunter around being my own level of messy and loose too. i used to judge how inept and oblivious everybody was -- at work, in school, during the hangout, on the train. and at some point i realized it was actually beautiful and something i could feel affectionate about.
it turns out you do not need to worry about everyone behind you in line at the grocery store hating you for taking too long putting your change away. AND you dont have to be mad at the guy in front of you who takes five minutes to put his change away either. because YOU are HIM and HE is YOU and we all suck and that's great.
it's fucking funny how silly and sloppy and dazed a lot of people really are. everybody fucks up constantly and is fucking weird. so who cares! i dont need to evacuate the space because i forgot myself and started picking my nose in public for a second. i can just rub my hand on my pant leg and move on. i dont need to give up going to the comic book club because me and one other guy there got into a small argument. i can come back the next month and make a joke about it with him. that's just normal messy human stuff.
the writer david cain talks about coping with social anxiety by imagining other human beings as kittens that have been dumped out from a basket into the room. they roam around, falling over themselves, exploring and sniffing and doing kitteny things, and none of them are a threat to you ever, and their actions dont mean all that much and certainly aren't all that menacing, they're just silly little animals fumbling around.
and i like to think of humans that way. we goof off, we devote an entire supposedly very serious work meeting to discussing something only tangentially relevant but far more emotionally compelling, we make up all kinds of games to play and weird rules for those games, and then we break the rules of those games and forget them. none of this shit is like, real. and the people who recognize what a goofy joke it is are often the most powerful.
not taking anything too seriously makes me feel powerful. im cynical and skeptical about everything that i get told is an airtight social or procedural rule, and i experiment around the boundaries of it, to see where it bends. but whereas i used to do that in a very bitter and entitled way, trying to find my way "out" of a system I had disdain for, now i can sometimes play with these boundaries and laugh at myself for tripping over them at times and just keep on moving, because that's what everybody does.
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goodnightalex · 4 months
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i am so close to quitting twitter. i already quit tiktok bc lets face it, it sucks. twitter seems like the next step but it’s practically the only handle i have on pop culture atm so quitting it might be interesting.
on the topic of social media, i personally dont think instagram is as bad as people make it out to be in the way of negativity. i do understand it can create peer pressure but it doesnt really affect me, as much as it affects others ig.
(this next bit is just a rant on cancel culture)
twitter on the other hand is an absolute hell hole built off of cancel culture to the point where everyone has to be perfect in every way regardless of any other factors that might affect this. i have seen literal children get cancelled on that site because they said something wrong or said that they dont like someone. it is actually insane. peoples brains are still developing until the age of 25 and wont be able to make perfectly sound decisions until then. its science. its like people forget that they are people and that they arent robots programmed to not offend anyone.
and if someone gets cancelled and oh wait- you follow them, you get cancelled too by association like wtaf.
if you get into a situation where someone who you know or look up to gets cancelled, what are you even supposed to do. say the evidence is shit and you argue against it, you get ridiculed and “cancelled” yourself because you are defending the person. if you run along with it because it’s convincing or peer pressure then, sure you wont get ridiculed so much but you could also be harming others, by bullying them for their opinion in some ways (depending on how you express your distaste for the cancelee in question) more over, what if it comes to light that the allegations are false (which in the majority of cancellations that i have witnessed have been the case due to people just trying to dig up dirt on someone or faking things), what then?
what i tend to do in cancellation situations is sit and watch it burn. there isnt much else i can do. getting involved only fuels the fire and if i looked up to the person in question well i guess that fucking sucks because i cant do anything to defend them (depending on how bad the situation is obviously).
DISCLAIMER: in this insight into my thoughts of cancel culture, im not trying to say that all cancellations are unjustified and fake. i understand that sometimes they are true and people are victims of these situations. all i am trying to say is that the internet (in particular twitter) is a cesspit of misinformation and hate, where people forget that everyone is a person with their own individual thoughts and feelings towards topics. im not trying to defend anyone who has been discriminatory or a pedo or rapist, there are obviously still bad people out there. this is mostly in reference to cancellations based off of loose evidence or simply not liking someone or something. the fact i feel like i need to write a disclaimer in itself is pretty fucking shocking tbh and really shows the state of the internet and how fragile people are. i do infact have common sense, and realise people are cancelled for a reason sometimes.
anyway, thank you for reading
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elutsodi · 2 years
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my translation of a viedo essay about humans ego
humans ego is a tool for us to survive which divides outside world from inside world  and u cant live without it. normal people can only experience  disappearance of ego for a short amount of time like when on drugs. some certain techniques can make ur ego borders thinner and some say that it feels fucking wonderful thats why they do it heres a short cartoon (with english subs !) that explains this experience https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liXqrnAGraQ&t=0s.  if your ego is gone then u are probably mentally ill bcuz without that border ull start having constant  dissociations and derealizations and ur mind basically cant take it ur mental health will probably fade away with the sense of being a human. ego starts to appear when you're about three years old that's when u realise that ur mom is not u ur mom is ur mom and u is u and stuff like that. we can describe ego like a skin that helps our inner mental things to stay the way they are. but unlike our actual skin it can affect our thoughts, behaviour and reactions on things outside us (like other people environment etc.). and this can be a problem because our ego once again unlike our actual skin can deform while developing. for example if we try imagining a narcissists ego it'll be like a spiky outline of them, they are very defensive and can go overboard while standing up for their personal boundaries. and then he shows a couple more of examples but im too lazy to translate 
so yeah life without ego is impossible. we need some kind of shield from the outside world and other ppl. they only time we can put them down is around our loved ones and thats why in relationships our boundaries are kinda non-existing. now about other social situations. argument between two people is actually just their egos fighting and its really pointless the only thing u get in reward is self validation its only boosting our ego which in large amounts can be very bad. a good argument is more like a discussion where there is no winning side just opinions. most of the times when u are arguing ur ego is basically telling u smth like "u dumb fuck if we dont win this we are going to be the nastiest slugs in the universe and i don't like being humiliated  ".  in situations like this its best to tell yourself that u are not the smartest of all times and u cant be right all the time and that its totally ok to be like that. even if for example you are arguing in the presence of a person that u like and u dont wanna look lame its all your ego! its not your duty to incline other persons opinion because with existence of ego its only natural for people to have different povs. liberalism is also mostly about egoism. its all about what you can have. the problem of liberalism is that it can once again inflate ur ego so much that u dont take other people opinions properly, u believe that there can only be one true way of living ect. but the truth is there is no right and there is no wrong all people no matter how big their salary, house, car collection is big are all the same and there are no main characters. but ego is trying to tell us that we are one in a kind and that we are the main character which can be really problematic. envy is also a creation of ego.
when we see another human having something that we dont have it makes us want to take it from them. in terms of surviving its really nice but in modern society its something that is not good for us. when that happens its once again best tot step out of your ego for a sec and realise that some people are just better and certain things and its totally normal.
now the tough stuff
ego is also something that safes us from realisation  of universal void. the point of life. many people say that we create our meaning of life. but this is also our ego speaking. ego makes us think that all that happened in our lives is our path and that its not a coincidence. but its not like that. we are only a piece of sand in all the universe, which existed before us and will outlive us. ego helps us imagine a path of our lives but the truth is every path ends with death. there is no sense in giving life some kind of sense because it just happened and the only thing we can do about it is be happy. but in order to live happily people need an illusion of a working structure which we created. society that we created is all about giving life a working system in which we can dive into and pretend that our life has a meaning. if we actually think about certain things we would be terrified because all our surroundings are chaotic. that's why ego is trying to attach to something material and give us a feeling of smth meaningful. we need our life to make sense. buddhism says that the root of all the problems is attachment that creates ego. death. ego is very afraid of dying it wants us to live forever. ego wants to be there even after death, it wants other people to remember us. that's why many religions say stuff about reincarnations and life after death, to not feel scared of the fact that we live only once and there's no meaning for human to exist in the first place. that's why a lot of people with big egos are taking life too serious but the thing is as i already said we can only be happy that we get to live and all we can do is have fun while we can.
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ragnvdnir · 2 years
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THE THREE TYPES OF LOVE WITH DILUC RAGNVINDR
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SYNOPSIS — they say that we fall in love with three people in our lifetimes, but you only loved one and it's diluc.
CHARACTER — diluc x gn!reader
INCLUDES — diluc's backstory spoilers, hurt/comfort, second chances, closures, alchol intake, flawed characters, might be ooc diluc, character development, happy ending
NOTES — i got this idea from a tiktok video made by @/smalltalkpodcast, here is the link.
TAGLIST — @elychee @jupeater @v3nv5
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PUPPY LOVE — the fairytale love. the one that we think would last forever, but it wont. because we'll soon learn that fairytales dont exist.
you were sixteen when you first had your puppy love with diluc. the age where you thought everything can be magical forever. a love that was too young and hopeful for this world.
diluc loved you too, he was beyond infatuated. he loves being near you. he loves being your knight in shining armor. he loves you.
the type of love you two had is where you both will sneak out of your houses to meet each other under the willow where you both carved your names in a heart. the type of love where you were too joyful to wake up from this fever dream, wishing to stay like this for eternity.
you were seventeen when you had your first kiss under the glimmering moon you both used to watch. teeth clashing against each other without even knowing how to properly kiss a person. no one paid any mind to it though, all you can think about is the butterflies swimming in your stomach, his touch under your jaw, your burning love you had for each other.
everything was too unreal for you too feel, like something out of fairytale. you hope to stay like this forever. you wished to keep feeling like this for a very long time. but it was only a matter of time before you will wake up from everything, before you lose your love.
he turned eighteen when everything went downhill. he fell into the depths of misery and apathy. his father died and he suddenly resented his own sworn brother for some reasons he won't tell to anyone.
to say that this never affected your relationship was a big lie, because it did, alot. you also had your biggest fights around these times. it was too big that no one can swallow their own pride to fix this relationship. words that shoot to kill were said. it hurted the both of you, a lot.
just when you had enough of feeling like this, ready to swallow your own pride to fix everything, he suddenly disappeared without a notice, leaving you and your shattering heart into pieces for years without a proper explanation of his action. leaving you frozen in time while reminiscing your youthful days.
INTENSE LOVE — the love that will turn your world upside down. the one that comes with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. the one that will cause you so much pain. because it will teach you what you want and what you don't want.
when you thought that you've finally moved on and forgot about your past with diluc. just when you thought that buried feelings were dead already, that the pain you've went through vanished too like him.
he suddenly came back four years later as if nothing happened, as if he never left someone. the horror of your face showed it all as you stood one day infront of angel's share hearing the chatters of the drunkards about the return of the owner of dawn winery.
you know who they are talking about, ofcourse you do, how could you not when master crepus only have one child? and it's obviously diluc ragnvindr, your supposedly ex-lover.
mentioning his name made you feel bitter. you can only sigh as you opened the door of angel's share to meet up with your friends and also readying yourself to face him any second.
as you opened the door, the noise of the place greeted you. the moment you placed your eye sight in the counter, you saw him. he was talking to charles, not noticing your presence.
your mouth parted at the sight of him. ‘he's really here’ you thought before closing your eyes to calm yourself down. as you opened your eyes after the inhales and exhales, his ruby eyes found yours. you held your breath as you mainted the eye contact with him. you don't know what you look right now, does your face shows the look of resentment? hatred? or perhaps hopes that you can try again?
he looked away first as he continued conversing with charles without greeting nor showing any expression seeing you. your hopes were crushed. your heart feels heavy. you felt your throat creating a lump as tears formed in your eyes.
you questioned yourself why does it hurt being rejected like this. why did the feelings that you burried suddenly came back to life. why did the pain felt ten times worst than before. is it because when he's finally here infront of you as you hoped, he turned away from you?
he can bring you back to life but he can also be the cause of your death. you hated how your world revolved around him. you hated how you never find yourself to love again if it's not him. you swallowed before turning away and leaving the tavern. you can't face your friends when you're like this.
it went on and on like that, avoiding him as much as you could. but you know that things can't stay like this forever, you have to over come this. so one day, you went into the tavern by yourself. as you walked in, you sat straight in the counter and ordered a drink. you never glance at him as he hands you the glass, you muttered a small ‘thank you’ before drinking.
as hours passed by, you felt more relaxed like this despite diluc's presence. and maybe because of this, you got a little more carefree and drank more than you can take.
you know how people get braver whenever they got drunk? yeah, you do that also. it was closing time already and you were slumped over the counter, sleeping. diluc gently shook you awake while calling your name.
by the time you got awakened, you turned your head at him and blurted out words that he never expected to hear.
“do you know how hurt i was when you left without telling me? you stood me up, diluc. i was left for four years without a proper explanation, only the words of your headmaid that said you left. i once thought that you hated me because you just... disappeared...” you muttured while downpour of your eyes wet the wooden counter.
diluc was silent, he can't say anything. seeing you hurting like this because of him made him want to hide once again because he doesn't have the face to talk to you after the disaster he have caused in your life. after a few more silence, he cleared his throat before letting you hear his voice that you haven't heard in the last four years.
“tomorrow, if you still remember what happened tonight, then come and see me in the manor, i'll give you an explanation, i'll tell you everything.” he said before telling charles to watch over you as he left the tavern to do his nightly duties.
the next day, you nervously walked towards dawn winery. ‘this is it, you're finally getting the explanation you want.’
when you arrived there, adelinde escorted you to diluc's room. she knocked on the wooden door before telling him that you arrived. you heard the faint ‘let them in’ and then she opened the door for you. you thanked her and went inside.
as you walked in, your eyes wandered the structure and designs of his room. ‘not that too much of things, simple and plain, just like how he always likes it’ you shook your head at the thought of a memory before clearing your throat to let him know.
“please have a seat.” he gestured on the seat infront of him.
you nodded and sat on the chair. it was painfully awkward and quite, no one talked. getting irritated at this silence, you started the conversation first. “so, are you gonna tell me something?”
this startled diluc. nevertheless, he nodded before starting to give you explanations. he explained everything why he did that. how he wanted to avenge his father. how something surfaced between him and kaeya. the reason he resigned from knights of favonius. the selfish thing they did. everything, even how he barely managed to escape death given by the fatui harbingers.
by the time he finished, you went silent. then suddenly, he heard your sniffles. diluc was panicked, did he do something wrong? he stood up to find a something to wipe your tears but you stopped him by grabbing his wrist.
“please don't leave me.” you whispered between your sniffles. you never said what you mean by that but both of you know there is something much deeper in those words. diluc looked away from you before placing his hand behind your head and pulled you towards his stomach and hugged you. you wrapped your arms around him while you sobbed, damping his shirt with your tears.
“wh- why didn't you atleast tell me? i- i could have understood it sooner, diluc.” you hiccuped as you hugged him tighter.
“i thought it will be the best for the both of us. i thought by leaving you will make your life better and safer from the things that i'm about to commit myself into.” he replied. he removed your grip on him and suddenly kneels infront of you that caused your eyes to widen. he held your hands, pressing a light kiss on them before he rested his forehead on them.
“w- what?” you stammered as you tried to make him stand up. never have you ever saw diluc kneel in both of his two knees to anyone. but now, he did infront of you to plead for forgiveness.
“but i was wrong seeing how hurt you are from my selfishness.” diluc looks up at you and you saw how his eyes glimmering as he mutters apologies.
“i'm sorry for hurting you, i'm sorry for being selfish. i know words cannot change anything but i really am sorry, y/n.” his voice shook lightly at the end of his word.
diluc's sudden return brought back the pain he didn't meant to cause you. his return made you look back at things and wished to stop this pain. his words made you wished you were a little too more push over back then so diluc never felt he was alone when you were there. you wished you matured at those times already so you never acted negligence when you didn't notice his life went downhill. you both made mistakes and you're glad that you and him reflected on it already.
this closure made you two want to improve yourselves. it made you realize your actions before, the actions of eighteen years olds who only knew that they love each other but never realized that they're also hurting them.
you two properly ended your relationship after the talk. breaking up for the best, for yourselves. if you're gonna ask yourself before what you want, your younger self will probably say that they want to resent diluc. but now that you have a closure, you realized that resenting him is too much of being selfish after he tells you how he felt when no one was there for him when his father died. when his brother told him the truth that created a wall between them. how he never felt your presence when he needed you the most.
you weren't there at his lowest, and him to you. you two were flawed back then, too blinded by young love. and now, all you want is to change yourselves for the better.
changing for the better means cutting things off and focusing on yourselves. you left mondstadt to chase your dreams. meanwhile, diluc promised himself and to you to improve each day, to cultivate the winery, and cherish the things that made him happy.
it was for the best, for you and him. for you to deserve each other. you realized that you have to be the best version of yourself first before loving someone.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE — the one that will stay. the one that will make us feel loved, adored, safe and secure. the one that we didn't see coming, but will make us feel home.
it was time to go back home, to mondstadt. years have already passed by since your break up and closure with diluc. chasing your dreams made you feel better, and you hoped he feels better too.
you know that you've changed yourself, and you hoped he did too. surely, you don't want to come back there if he's still the past flawed diluc right?
you know that you can never be perfect, so you settled on improving and changing yourself, there's not a perfect person after all, that includes you and diluc.
as you went down the ship, you smiled as you took in the city of freedom. it has been so long. you thanked the crews of the ship as they helped you down your things.
you're very happy to finally see your friends again.... and him. you won't lie to yourself, even as time separated you two, you still love him.
sometimes you thought to yourself is it possible to still love the person you hurt, who also hurt you? and the answer is infront of you as you stared wide eyed at the red-haired man who stand in the docks while giving you a welcoming smile.
your heart raced as he walked towards you, you scanned him. he looks so mature now, he still have that long hair but this time it's tied up. his features got even more defined. he became calmer and relaxed.
“welcome home,” he said.
he spread his arms as if signaling you to give him a hug. you didn't waste time before beaming at him and hugging him tight. god, you missed him.
“finally, after all these years. i won't lie but it certainly is hard living without seeing you for years, but i promised to myself and to you that i will change so i endured it all. and now, seeing you infront of me, it was all worth it.” seeing diluc genuinely smiling at you feels like a fever dream.
“i hope you achieved your dreams.” he said as he caress your hair. you find it hard to utter a word, you are beyond shocked to see how much diluc changed.
“i- i did, i am happy.” you manage to let it out as you continue gazing at him, awestruck.
“i am proud of you, remember that.” you smiled at him as your eyes watered. you removed your arms around him to wipe the tears. ‘it's nice hearing that from him’
“You know, even though we got separated for years, it's still you.” your eyes widened at his sudden confession. you swallowed before replying your truth.
“so am i, i find it hard just to forget about you.” you saw how his smile became wider. he held your cheeks and caressed them before glancing down on your lips.
“can i?” he whispered as his eyes returned to you.
“you may.” you answered before his lips connected with yours. you two have kissed before but this time, it's more meaningful and... it's right.
when you decided to come back here in mondstadt, the least thing you expected is for him to still love you, adore you, to still choose you, to stay. you two once made a mistake that ended up hurting each other. you two are in each other's arms again, but now, only unconditional and patient.
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note: i hope i didn't make diluc too ooc especially in the end. i initially thought this one will be very short but ig i got carried away lolol. also, belated happy birthday again luc!
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faelapis · 2 years
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not to be back on my restorative justice bs but it annoys me so much when you watch some kind of true crime content and the person says something like "they ONLY got 20 years in jail!" essentially to make you go "doesn't that make you mad? doesn't that make you wish the criminal justice system was even more punitive?? we all agree they deserve worse right?? cuz thats how it works when you think someone is guilty. you must want them to rot in jail forever cuz thats what justice is. yes i'm american in case you can't tell."
ok. lets take like twenty steps back.
it does make me sad that the crimes in question happened. its sad that someone died or got hurt or whatever the case may be. that's not in dispute.
however, no, i really don't think putting a perpetrator in jail fixes things, especially not for inhumanely long sentences. it doesnt help victims in any tangible way, and life doesnt work like a hollywood movie where the world becomes safe when the evil is defeated. socioeconomic, cultural and psychological circumstances reproduce themselves over and over again. no one is born some kind of supervillain. massive structural change to everything from economics to families is the only way to truly make crime less desirable from the perspective of the criminal.
like. you have to believe crime comes from either internal (psychological) or external (environmental) factors, or a combination, and neither is solved by a punitive system. if you believe crime is primarily a psychological issue - genetics and such - then doesn't that make jail cruel by default? you're essentially saying that this was something inherent to the person's very biology, and they obviously did not choose to have that be inherent to them.
and if you believe crime is primarily about external (environmental) factors, then i feel like i shouldn't even need to say this, but that does kinda make things society's fault, at least partially. people don't choose their environments or upbringings or socioeconomic castes either. desperate people will remain desperate under desperate circumstances.
and i know free will advocates in the "free will vs determinism" debate will argue that at the end of the day its what you "do" with the circumstances given, how you interact with them without making "excuses" for yourself, but once more - you have to believe those choices are based on something. some become criminals, some don't. either its based on learning from your environment, or its based on some kind of inherent psyche, or a combination - in which case i'd refer you to the options above. even free will absolutists dont think choices are based on nothing whatsoever or that external factors dont matter.
the point being, even assuming everything is the individual criminal's "fault" still forces you to dig deeper and think about why they're doing what they're doing. in both a psychological and societal reading, you can't really just blame the person "in a vacuum", which puts a wrench into the logic of punishment as inherently just.
also, it just... doesn't solve things. look at reoffending rates. countries with lighter sentencing with focus on rehabilitation tend to have less people commit further crimes, almost like people dont automatically get better when you punish them more harshly. and if you punish them harsher anyway, you're not doing it for any constructive reason, you're just angry and want someone to hurt.
in a punitive system, a criminal is likely get worse, because they have it reinforced that nobody cares about them. the system isnt here to help them, they have to look out for themselves. vulnerability and seeking help is not rewarded, because the people in charge have already decided to focus on punishment, not healing. therefore, no psychological issues can be solved, nor coping strategies developed to deal with societal ills that affect them. its all just about "deserving" punishment, for its own sake. who cares what "helps!" if they don't "learn" from being punished, they were "clearly" a lost cause anyway!
at that point, its really just a circlejerk to validate your own anger. like. i understand true crime shit is just entertainment on some level, like its all a story being told, and people having the audacity to form punitive opinions on how if they were in charge they'd just kill the son of a gun... or whatever else makes them feel better. whatever allows them to express their anger uncritically. but thats all affecting how this shit works in the real world. its still deeply politically unpopular in america to even allow criminals to vote, much less lower sentencing.
culture doesn't control everything, no. but a lot of true crime shit is copaganda (in the sense of protecting the existing system by focusing your attention on how depraved evil criminals "have it coming" and giving you a "happy ending" when the prosecutors get them jailed).... and there's so many gen z leftist winged eyeliner cool kids churning out that content. with no self-awareness.
sorry but if you're like a youtube leftist or feminist or whatever, it is patently insane to me to be on the side of pumping out agitprop encouraging people to hate criminals more and more without any deeper examination of that impulse. jfc.
ok. done venting my own anger now. will go pet my cats. here's some random internet cats to help you with whatever bothers you.
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omiscurls · 3 years
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I love your writing and how much you’re able to bring out the true personalities of each character!! I was wondering if you could do Kaeya, Xiao, Diluc, Zhongli, and Childe celebrating y/n’s bday. (My birthday was a couple of days ago but I didn’t receive any greetings from my genshin team for some reason... 😔)
happy birthday
a/n: SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! as for your problem, have you tried looking in character>voiceover>voicelines? the wishes should appear there, i dont know what happened if they don't
plot: celebrating the reader's birthday
contains: kaeya, diluc, tartaglia, xiao, zhongli
warnings: brief mentions of alcohol, otherwise pure fluff
kaeya
a surprise party
to be completely honest, kaeya barely cares about his own birthday enough to even remember the date
and obviously he does remember yours, how could he not, but- he's just not used to celebrating, you know?
so watch him know very well your birthday is coming up, with a mindset like: "okay, you've got time, you'll figure something great out, it's gonna be amazing"
and the day or two before he realizes, he indeed wants to do something great and amazing, but he completely ran out of time
fortunately, who cares about reservations when your brother's a bar owner, right?
he figures out that if he waits till sunset with the party he still has an entire day he can spend of preparing everything he needs
so as you sleep peacefully, he sneaks out of the room at the break of dawn, ready to work his ass off
he doesn't want you feeling bad, after all, right?
the thing is, you do start to feel a bit bad, as an entire morning goes by, and not only is kaeya nowhere in sight, literally nobody is! you walk through the streets of mondstadt, looking for any familiar face to spend the time with, but the city seems awfully empty of your friends. you end up having fun at diona's cat's tail, her complaining about everyone, and you, surprisingly, joining in, but it still doesn't replace the companion of your friends.
you go over your day as per usual, and decide to bake yourself a cake, since you think that'll cheer you up. you run out of flour, though, so it's necessary to go over to the store and stock up on some. right as you cross the city's main square, you run into diluc.
"oh, sorry, haven't seen you" you say, not even lifting up your face to look at who's chest did you bump on, until he grabs your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.
"someone looks dejected" he says, and you almost want to punch him for not realizing why. instead of doing that, however pleasing it sounds, you just shrug your shoulders. "come on, you look like you could use a special drink of mine"
and with that, he pulls you towards angel's share, letting you complain about your day, though you don't explicitly say it's your birthday, still mad he didn't remember that on his own.
"so he completely ditched you without a word?" he acts surprised and offended "that's so awful-" he continues, opening the door before you.
just as he opens it, and you hear the word "awful" you see the bar as if for the first time. flowery garlands are up beneath the ceiling, the tables are arranged differently and covered with colorful, pastel table cloths, music is playing. the backdoor is opened and you see the outside of the building decorated in a similar manner, candles and fairy lights spread all over the place.
the sun is slowly setting over the buildings visible through the back door, and the atmosphere inside borders on magical, but to top that all off-
"happy birthday!" you hear a lot of voices shout, and your eyes widen at the sight of all those who you hold dear present. you can't help but smile, seeing all of them cheer, grinning from ear to ear.
"i-" you look over at diluc "how'd you pull this off?"
you swear you saw him crack a soft smile before admitting that he in fact, didn't. you're about to ask who did, then, but you're interrupted by a silvery voice, coming from behind you.
"i did" the voice says, a hand moving to cover your eyes "wanna guess who?" you hear a whisper inches away from your ear, shaking from surprise.
affection swells in your chest as you quietly say "kaeya", your smile growing fondler, knowing that aside from all your friends, he's here too, and as a mastermind, at that.
"hope you don't hold leaving you by yourself for a couple of hours against me" he continues, arms sneaking around your waist, chin rested on your shoulder "d'ya like it?"
emotion gets the better of you, and you don't know what to say, so choose only to nod eagerly.
"a lot" you finally whisper, much to kaeya's satisfaction.
"happy birthday, then" he says, suddenly pulling away from you, as to exclaim loudly "attention everyone!!" he takes a fork to ring on his glass "i hereby declare, that the next round's on me!"
cheers fill the room, along with one "yea right" and another "like we'd believe that" before the owner of the bar speaks up as well.
"as much as i'd like to see that" diluc settles "today's drinks are on the house."
diluc
a magical evening
so he’s a fan of planning
not a diehard fan, but a fan nonetheless 
it’s just, he would rather have things planned ahead than wake up a day before and not know what to do (like a kaeya) like an idiot.
so you bet he has already calculated how much time he has left the moment you told him the date of your birthday.
unlike kaeya, he prefers to be working alone, but also likes to keep his plans a surprise. he himself hates surprises, but has to admit, doing one for someone else is quite the fun 
he stays quiet about your birthday coming up until the very last moment, and if you want to ask him if he wants to do anything with you that day, he says he already has something in mind, you know, nonchalantly. as if he hadn’t been thinking about it for archons know how long 
he’ll wake up before you just to wish you a happy birthday the moment you wake up, and he might be unusually affectionate for a bit, but don’t even bother asking what he has planned out - he won’t tell, not even if you beg. 
diluc wanted to kick you out of the house all day. “oh, there’s shopping to be done” “oh, this lady wanted to talk to you”, or “you know, come to think of it, didn’t jean say she had something she’d wanted to show you for your birthday?” every lame excuse in the book, he has used it. 
you decide to finally grant him what he so obviously wanted, and leave, choosing to walk all around the city, and even outside the gates, you make it quite a trip, not knowing when to come back. 
you smile upon thinking about how secretive he tried to be, but how even he, the mighty descendant of one of the noble families of mondstadt, a man as collected and stoic as can be, couldn’t contain his excitement. you saw all his little side smiles and the way he bit his lip a little after settling today’s rough plans with you, he was so happy, you’re satisfied just by seeing that, sometimes forgetting the real reason for why he was actively plotting something. 
you walk and walk, and then walk some more, but your legs start to hurt, and you’re growing hungry, so you decide to finally get back home. 
when you approach the winery, you can see the lights in the ballroom are lit up from a mile away. your heart can’t help but flip with excitement, since diluc hates using the room, hates throwing parties, and would much rather just forget it exists. 
it’s a beautiful venue though, looks like something out of a fairytale, and you always tell him how much you love it. it’s no surprised he decided to use it, but you can’t wait to see it anyway. 
as you get closer to the building, it becomes more and more apparent that the ballroom isn’t the only place that got upgraded to a five star level for one night and one night only. the building looks amazing, and the gates are open all the way, as if there was a party to be thrown and guests to arrive any time soon. 
but as you’re welcomed into the mansion, there’s no one else in the hall, other than a dressed up diluc, his hair in a high pony, just how you always said you liked it, wearing a suit you hadn’t seen on him since... well, you don’t even recall. 
“well, if it isn’t my honorary guest” he announces with an official tone, almost making you a bit flustered. 
“what’s all this? am i not, i don’t know, underdressed?” you giggle nervously, and he approaches you, a tiny little black box in his hand. 
“you could wear a potato sack and shine brighter than all the stars together” he says softly, showing you the little box. “and as tradition orders, happy birthday.”
you carefully open the box, a simple, silver necklace resting on the little cushion inside. you take it out, and watch the ornament, but can’t for the life of you figure out what it is. 
“you see” diluc provides an explanation “it’s a common thing to do to gift someone jewellery as a gift, and almost as common to have necklaces with your star constellation. that is, the allignment the stars were in the moment you were born. but i decided, that i wanted to give you one with the alignment that shone on the sky on the happiest day of my life. well, according to mona it did.” 
you stay silent for a second, astonished with the present, before asking 
“and that is?”
“the day we met.”
tartaglia
how to surprise your lover 101
when i tell you this boy knew EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING from the moment he first thought of it
now. he loves celebrating, anything, really, the atmosphere of a party is almost magnetic to him
he grew up thinking every person deserves to have an amazing day once a year, only about themselves, so it’s very obvious to him that he IS doing something, and it needs to be huge
now, in a family as big as his, it was hard to keep things a secret, so he developed a whole plan on how to avoid having you finding out what he was planning
and that is: by having you know
it’s really getting annoying, how everybody keeps walking up to you, for a good week now, and asking if you’re excited for the big party childe’s throwing. the first time you hear it, you almost immediately run to confront him about it, since you explicitly said that a party, a big one, at that, is the last thing you want.
he obviously says that it’s nothing, and you needn’t worry about that. not that you trust his words, obviously, but you let it go, partly because you know how attached he is to the idea of a huge celebration, and partly because arguing with someone as stubborn can really be tiring.
so you settle, and fake a smile for every conversation with the alleged “guests” for your alleged party, thinking you’ll just suffer through it and then just do something with your childe the next day, having yourself plan it.
the wait is stressful, and when you finally see tartaglia walk through your bedroom door, dressed up really nicely, with a soft ribbon to tie on your eyes, so you wouldn’t see anything before it’s “time”, you almost want to ditch him, but that would be too rude.
complying begrudgingly, you let him guide you through the city, feeling the cold evening air hit your skin, wondering where did he set up this party of his, since you don’t hear anything.
oh god, is everyone gonna jump out of hiding yelling “happy birthday”? please, not that, at least not that.
when he finally unties the material covering your eyes, you see nothing but a wooden platform at the end of the harbor, with a blanket set up, some really nice-smelling food and what appears to be champagne laying on it. the sun is setting slowly behind the mountains in the distance, the only sound you hear being waves crushing on the rocks.
you can’t help but gasp.
“but” you turn around to face childe with a questioning look “what about the party?”
“what party?” he looks surprised “i never said anything about any party” he adds with a knowing smirk.
as you analyze your surroundings, he watches you with a soft smile.
“come on, don’t be so shocked now” he finally says “i know you better than to plan you something you’d hate. i’m not THAT much of an asshole”
his giggle sounds almost too good in the beautiful scenery around you, and you can’t help but let your eyes water for a little while, before rapidly blinking the tears back.
“is this more similar to what you’ve dreamed of?” he asks.
“yeah” you whisper “yes, it is”
“well, that’s the only thing that matters. shall we?” his hand points to the blanket, and you nod, smiling.
this may or may not be inspired by that one episode of Brooklyn 9-9
xiao
trying something new
birthdays? what’s that
you mean to tell him he has lived two thousand years of his life without realizing the day it was brought to him should be celebrated?
yup, no, you can explain it all you want, he still doesn’t get the idea. he just finds it to be way too trivial, okay?
what gets to him, though, is that there’s a custom of doing something meaningful for the person celebrating their birthday, to make them feel important
well, you should’ve led with that, that he can do!
he would never just go and straight up ask for help if he needed any. so don’t be surprised if you hear yet more new stories about the yaksha that allegedly lives near wangshu inn sneaking into the kitchen, or watching through the glass.
he spends HOURS waiting for the chef to finally prepare the dish he hopes for, and once he does, he follows every step very carefully. and then again. and again. and one more time, up until he feels he can do it himself.
when he finally gets to enter said kitchen, it’s already way past midnight, and everything is dark, barely visible. he manages to find his way around, though, preparing all the ingredients, and starting to mix them the same way the chef did.
turns out it’s not as easy as it looks, for example, he didn’t measure how long this thing is supposed to be cooked, or on what temperature, so the process gets a little messy at one point. he might even have to start over. like, twice, tops.
it’s already nearing dusk when he finishes, taking the fruit of his works with him.
as per usual, you wait for him on the roof, and as per usual you don’t realize he’s right behind you until he speaks up.
“happy birthday” he says out of the blue, causing you to jump up in shock.
“oh my, xiao, you scared me! again!” you laugh.
“it’s today, isn’t it?” he continues, as if he didn’t hear you. when he sees you nod, he awkwardly shows you the package he held behind his back, watching closely as you open it with a questioning look.
inside, there’s a carefully wrapped serving of almond tofu, it could use a little bit of touch ups, but it still looks and smells delicious nonetheless.
“did you do this yourself?” you turn around to face him, smiling in disbelief
“mhm” he gets a little flustered, and decides not to tell you about his little kitchen adventure. “is it… is it good?” he asks, and you smile even more fondly.
“why don’t you come over here and taste it with me?”
zhongli
one can never go wrong with a classic
zhongli knows every single tradition there is to know.
literally.
so you don’t have to even tell him anything - he knows. he might not know what to do with his knowledge, but he does know what would make you happy
this man is a gentleman who believes that some moves to make someone swoon never get old
he even got a free day from work just for the occasion, or he may just think he told hu tao that he wants it? either way, he’s not there. not like his boss isn’t used to it.
right as the clock strikes 5 pm, you hear a knocking on your door. checking how you look one last time, you smile to the reflection in the mirror, and walk over to answer.
as you open said door, you find yourself dumbfounded at the sight of a completely soaked zhongli, rain pouring heavily behind his back. his hair sticks to his face, and all the layers of his suit seem drenched to their very core, but a smile you see so rarely paints his face, as he presents you with a bouquet of flowers.
and my oh my, just how huge is it! he barely even manages to hold it in hand, and the flower crowns hide his entire chest and half his face when he places them in front of you.
“i believe this is for you” he says gently “are you ready to go?”
you can’t even find the right words, as you size the bouquet up, taking it from him with a quiet “thank you so much” before taking it back to the house, already in search of the right vase to put them in.
“may i come in and dry myself up a bit?” he asks, still from the doorstep, and you laugh before granting him the permission.
when the both of you are ready to go, you meet in the hallway, both smiling softly at the other, a bit awkwardly, as the beginning of every meeting is.
“you look even better than usually” he finally says, pride rising in his chest at how your grin widens.
“same goes for you, mr zhongli” you answer just as cheekily, waiting for what he’s gonna say next.
“well, thank you, but i don’t think today’s about me now, is it?” he counters with a bit of a side eye. “shall we go?” he points to the open door, and the both of you leave, you grabbing his arm to fit under one umbrella.
“may i ask where’re we going?”
you can’t miss the way his smile turns prideful and confident as he says:
“i” he accentuates “am taking you out to dinner”
he might feel a bit offended by how sarcastically you gasp at the revelation, but it’s okay. as long as he gets to see you laugh, it’s okay.
daily reminder that requests are open [here]
379 notes · View notes
lavenderjacobs · 3 years
Text
fluff alphabet - Sapnap
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➳ wc; 2,1K (she’s a long one lol)  ➳ pronouns; gender neutral<3 ➳ song reccomendation; heart eyes - coin
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A=Attractive (What do they find most attractive in a partner?)
nick’s an ass guy and you can’t convince me otherwise. he’s also just loves your thighs and your stomach. he loves how soft your skin is, and how good you smell. whenever he’s sad he just rests his head on your stomach while you tangle you fingers in his hair. 
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B=Best memory (Their favourite memory of you)
he cherishes your first kiss so much. he just has such a soft spot for that memory. the moment he finally found out you felt the same about him, the moment he finally found out what your lips against his felt like. it’s just something he had looked forward to for forever, and to him, it was perfect. 
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C=Cuddles  (What type of cuddles do they like?)
sapnap is a WHORE for cuddles. if it where up to him, you two would just lay in bed all day, tangled in each other’s arms. after a long day, he just wants to hold his favourite person and fall asleep with them, so he just wraps his arms around your waist while he uses your chest as a pillow. but if he’s in a chatty mood, he’ll just talk your ears off, ranting about something he finds interesting, while you’re all snuggled up in the crook between his neck and shoulder. 
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D=Dirty mind (Do they have a dirty mind?)
I mean, come on. it’s sapnap. we all know he does. he gets *excited* very easily, which can sometimes get in the way when you two are just trying to cuddle. he just has such a soft spot for your body and has to have his way with you once certain ideas have entered his mind. 
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E=Effort (How much effort do they put in the relationship?)
nick would definitely try his best. honestly you don't care if his plans actually turn out the way he intented them to, it's the thought that counts. and nick knows that. but theres just something about you that makes him want to spoil you and treat you like a princess. so prepare yourself for fancy dates, him making you your favorite food, all that type of stuff.
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F=First date (What was your first date together)
arcade date arcade date arcade date. sap is super competitive and I feel like he would thrive in an arcade. he would play it off like he was just trying to proof how good he was at the arcade games. but he'd just love to see how hard you would be trying to beat him. obviously he'd let you win a lot, and when he collected enough tickets, he would get you the biggest prize he could find.
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G=Gentle (How gentle are they with you?)
it....depends???? lmao. nick CAN be super gentle with you, he’s pretty protective of you and would never want you to get hurt, so he’s definitely very careful not to do anything to hurt you. but sometimes his instinct just kinda takes over and well, he can get pretty rough. 
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H=Hands (Do they have nice hands?)
hmmm nick has like,,very manly hands,, if you know what i mean. i dont know, they're just so rough but yet so pretty??? and they're like really big compared to yours so when he holds ur hand, yours looks so tiny in his. and omg he won't shut up about it. "LOOK AT YOUR HANDS THEY'RE SO SMALL🥺"
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I=Impression (What was their first impression?)
he just thought you were so ~cool~. like he immediately knew he wanted to be your friend. he was just so in awe of how funny, chill and charismatic you were. and it literally took two days for him to develop a crush on you. his friends would notice this right away and tease him about it so much omg.
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J=Jealousy (Do they get jealous often? If so what do they do?)
YUP. nick gets jealous so easy yup yup yup. jealousy, protectiveness, possessiveness, you name it. you two would often get in fights about this, but most of the time you would just think it’s cute how riled up he gets. he doesn’t get mad at you (because you’re his precious little baby and can do no wrong in his eyes :D) but god help the souls of whoever tries to flirt with you, because they’ve got a hell of a storm coming.
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K=Kisses (What type of kisses do they like/give?)
god nick’s such a passionate kisser. or at least he can be lol. he loves the way your face fits into his hands, and how soft your lips are. so he definitely is a fan of just some wholesome passionate kisses. but damn this man gets sloppy when he wants to. his lips constantly trails off to your jaw, neck and collar bones.
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L=Love  (Do they show their love?)
i feel like his love language would be like a mix between words of affection and physical touch??? he’s definitely very verbal with his love for you. he doesn’t shy away from saying i love you or letting you know how much he appreciates you in any other way.
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M=Memory: (Their favourite memory in general?)
there are certain moments where nick just sits back, watches, and realizes how amazing his life is. and how grateful he is to have you. for example, you were playing minecraft on his pc, and your house kept getting blown up by creepers, he found it adorable how mad you got every time. he just watched you play, while sitting on his bed. after a while, you looked over at him, and caught him staring. “what?” you asked after letting out a soft chuckle. he felt like he was gonna explode from how much he loved you. 
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N=Nickname  (What nicknames do they call you?)  
i’m getting very strong “baby” and “doll” vibes from nick. he loves baby-ing you and smothering you with other loving nicknames. just any petnames that show how much he loves you he’s all for. he would also love calling you “pretty” or “beautiful” for obvious reasons. 
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O=Over  (What happened the one time you ‘broke up’?)
nick HATES fighting with you, but once you two get into an argument he can get pretty carried away. he’s definitely the type to let his emotions get the upper hand on him. raising his voice a lot, stuff like that. but the second you leave to get some space he just breaks down. sliding down the wall and resting his face in his hands, just letting all the emotions out. he never meant to hurt you. when you came back to him, ready to be enclosed in his arms again, he had a hard time letting you back in. he just felt like he didn’t deserve you after he treated you like this. it took some convincing, but once you broke down his walls again, it was like he gave you all the love in his body. just smothering you with “i’m sorry”s and kisses. 
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P=Parents (What would they be like as a parent?)
dilfnap dilfnap dilfnap  omg he’d be such a good dad. like just very caring and loving, but also strict and stern when he needs to be. he’d constantly be telling stories to the kids about the absurd adventures him and his friends would get into, and omg the dad jokes he’d make. idk maybe it’s my daddy issues but dad sapnap lives in my mind rent free. 
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Q=Quirk (Something special about them)
he loves holding your hand. especially in public. if you’re in a crowded space, he just holds onto you very tightly as not to lose you. or if you two are just going on a walk together, his hands would just feel so warm and soft around yours. and omg he loves it when his hands are in his pockets, and you put your hands in there with him, and intertwine your fingers with his. hmmm he gets so soft when you do that.
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R=Romantic (How romantic are they?)
i- uh- I MEAN HE WOULD TRY he really would, and again, that’s all that matters. I feel like he would be the type to try to prepare a whole surprise dinner, he would cook all the food himself, he would set the table all cute, with candles and shit, but just completely ruin the surprise by accidentally giving it all away by saying something or just behaving very obviously suspicious. 
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S=Sad (What are they like when they’re sad?)
he just gets really quiet. he would never want to bother you or be a pain in the ass by complaining to you. but obviously you notice when something is wrong with ur bby boy. a sentence like “are you okay?” or “what’s wrong?” would immediately send him over the edge, burying his face in your chest, trying his best to supress his sobs. but he eventually calms down, and once he does, he’s able to just rant to you about whatever is bothering him.
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T=Together (What are they like when you’re together?)
i feel like it would really depend on his mood, like he could be either SUPER chill, just wanting to savour the time you two had together. or he could be really hyper, constantly talking, wanting to do all kinds of activities with you. he’d be the literal definition of :D
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U=Understanding (How understanding and empathetic are they?)
very. i just get such empathetic vibes from him. he’s such a good listener and he’ll just listen to you talk whenever you have something to be upset about. he never invalidates your feelings and omg he’d give the best advice. 
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V=Value (What do they value most about the relationship?)
he loves that he can 100% be his self around you. there’s no part of his personality that he feels like he has to hide, or tone down, whenever he’s with you. you also aspire him to be his best self, he just wants to be the best boyfriend in the world. all his friends have noticed this too, you bring out the best in him.
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W=Wedding (Would they want marriage? If so what would they like?)
eh. if you’re a person who really values marriage, he’d 100% do it for you. but it’s not like he HAS to. he gets a bit scared by the idea of this whole big event, where everything is about you two, he would way rather celebrate the love you two have in the comfort of your own home, just the two of you. the one thing he would love about a wedding, would be seeing you all dolled up, walking down the aisle, omg he’d be the proudest man ever to be able to call you his.
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X=X-Ray (How well can they read you?)
the SECOND you start to feel sad or depressed in any way, nick notices immediately. he knows you better than anybody else, and he knows exactly what to do to cheer you up. it’s like his superpower. if you’re feeling anxious he’ll just wrap his arms around you really tightly, holding on to you until you calm down. and when you’re sad, and in need for something to cheer you up, he’ll take you outside for a walk in the park, or he’ll just sit in bed with you, watching your favourite show. 
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Y=Yuck (What they would never want in a partner)
he hates when you flirt with his friend, even when you’re very obviously joking. his jealous ass can’t deal with that lmao. he also gets super pissed when his friends make flirtatious jokes towards you, they know how much it gets on his nerves and that’s really the only reason they do it. but omg he gets so pissed when it happens. 
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Zzz (How do they sleep around you?)
nick would be the cutest sleeper ever omg. he doesn’t like to admit it, but he loves being little spoon. he loves resting his head on your chest, while you play with his hair, patiently waiting for him to fall asleep. 
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shit-scfandom-did · 3 years
Note
so i have a few questions
1)i cannot understand how you ship k*ramel. their relationship was FILLED with toxicity. from mon-el failing over and over again to listen to what kara had to say to him basically telling her to give up being kara danvers. convincing her that "being supergirl and having you is enough” was absolutely horrible. karamel had their moments but overall it was toxic. then in s3 mon el was married and the whole point of season 3 was allowing them to move on. accepting the toxicity from s2 and pushing past that romanticized time. mon el was a better person by 3b but he was still married. even if mon el and imra did break up in the finale there’s no future for karamel. even during 5x13 kara went to ask on advice about lena. and when winn came to visit from the future not a word about him. she’s moved on and it just wouldn’t make sense for kara to end up with him.
2) how can you hate lena so so so much?? it’s been said over and over again that all she’s ever wanted to do is good. though she’s designed to be this morally grey character. she has FLAWS but that’s what makes her so good. she’s a victim of abuse and you can see her struggle with that especially in seasons 4 and 5. in 5 she definitely goes down a questionable path but how can you expect her not too? after being emotionally abused by her brother, betrayed by her family, andrea (this did happen before kara), and then eve. finding out that kara and EVERYONE she loves has betrayed her as well. I mean how could you not go mad?? and even when she “went mad” she was trying to rid humanity of PAIN. something she later realized was a necessary part of life. her hurt blinded her from reality and lex’s manipulation pushed her down further. she’s been hurt and broken so many times and while that’s not an excuse for what she’s done you have no sympathy for her and that I find appalling. lena has realized what she’s done is wrong, that she’s made mistakes, what she did to kara, and she will have to live with that isn’t that punishment enough? she’s apologized and is trying to make up for everything she’s done by saving the world (again). your unnecessary hate towards her infuriates me. cant you take a step back and see the whole picture?
3) why DONT you ship supercorp or accept the queerbaiting? (watch this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C2w2GBXd_Pg) They are the core relationship of the show while the danvers sisters are the heart. they’ve gone through so so much together and practically dated in early season 2. they love each other it’s just oh so apparent. i like to believe one of the reasons lena reacted so strongly in s5 is because she was in love with kara and she couldn’t handle the person she was in love with lying to her. and kara flew around the world to get lena’s favorite food!! if that’s not romantic idk what is. I feel like you’ve developed such a clouded view of supercorp that you need to take a step back and understand what lena is the love of kara’s life.
wow what a long message. im not here to hate. im here to inform & undertand. i get it. karamel had their moments and even MY perception of them might be a little cloudy. im not going to hate you for liking them. hell I even shipped them for a little! my brother thinks 3b mon el and kara would’ve been perfect but he understands that supercorp is just where the show is leading and he wants them to be endgame. but what I will hate is your hate. what’s the point of all this? this thread, this account is going to do NOTHING. so why bother? I debated sending this and I hope I’m not too harsh at times but I really wanna see what you say. I hope you can open your eyes to lena and supercorp. maybe even become a supercorp shipper yourself!
- thanks and supercorp endgame 💙❤️
First of all, if you want to discuss ships in the future send this type of anons to facepalming-since-chernobyl, this blog is not for this, but for gathering receipts.
1.I just ship it, I don’t get why you have to understand it. It’s shipping. But if you insist:
No, it was not filled with toxicity. Count me when he failed to listen to her when they were in a relationship. Secondly, he is not a dog, he has his brain, he is his own person. People don’t always do what others asked them to do. It’s not slavery.
He has NEVER said to her to give up being Kara Danvers. How did he exactly convince her? How can you read the scene that he convinced her that being supergirl and having him is erasing Kara Danvers? In this scene he supports anything SHE WANTS to do. Also, Kara Danvers doesn’t equal Kara being a reporter in CatCo. On that moment she had her blog. She change people’s live with it like a real reporter. She took the risk and met consequences of her actions aka being fired by Snapper. Also, remind me who told her to create a blog? With your logic Lena was erasing Kara Danvers too.
Friendly reminder that he was forced to the marriage to keep peace. Also, friendly reminder Imra and the Legion out him in this situation without telling him about her plans. She and Brainiac put him there, knowing exactly how much he loved Kara and how much she meant to him. Imra knew that, that’s why she asked him to stay and solve his feelings. She said if he had come back, she would have known he had no doubts. But he wanted to stay, that’s why they broke up. He came back because once again he sacrificed himself for the greater good, like a real hero. Maybe watch the Argo eps because they clearly show that no, it was no about moving on.
It was not accepting about so called toxicity. First of all, she already forgave him that he lied. Secondly, all of she was screaming in that scene, when she was infected with M’rynn’s powers, happened before they got together and it was already approached in the musical ep. Aka, this scene had no point.
There is no future for karamel because you say so?
Kara went to asked him, because she truly believed and trusted him and his judgment. And yes, she asked about Lena and what did he said? That Kara deserved the same compassion she gives others, something Lena never gave her. And sorry, I know all scs scream the 100 ep was about sc, but it was about Kara fully realizing she is not responsible for Lena’s horrible choices. That’s it. And friendly reminder she called her a villain in the last scene. Also, the ep showed than no matter what, Lena always ends screwing something, because she has too big ego, always knows better, doesn’t stand criticism and doesn’t trust anyone.
It doesn’t make sense for you. Suit yourself.
2.Her fans made me hate her :) Thanks to them and how they excuse her every horrible action, how they treat her as a victim, while she abuse everyone etc. I started to watch her more carefully. And well, she is a horrible, white, privileged capitalist, who plays god, judge, jury, has mommy issues and acts like typical Luthor while crying she is not one, while still using Luthors money and resources.
Yeah, many people want to make good and end doing evil things. Common people pay for their sins, she has never. Since allowing hostile Daxamite army to invade the Earth (also, her portal affected the other aliens who destroyed the NC), producing a device that could recofnize aliens without their consent (and it was used by Children of Liberty,)producing and lying about Kryptonite, trying to make people superpowered without any supervision, killing Adam during illegal experiment, supporting openly alienphobic president and in a way Agent Liberty, killing Lex and then blaming Kara and finally manipulating Kara for months, lying, gaslighting, yelling, making her steal Lex journal, trying to lobotomize her and tortured with kryptonite, hurting every way possible, physically and mentally. Working with mass murderer, enslaving 3 people (kidnapping Eve, without her consent putting AI into her mind, basically RAPING her brain and making her a puppet in her own body; enslaving end experimenting on Malefic and Russel – threatening to kill him to steal Andrea’s necklace) – none of it are flaws. It was horrible abuse and violating every human right and the fact some people excuse it is disgusting.
First of all, being victim of abuse doesn’t give you the rights to HURT other people. The fact I have to explain pains me. Secondly, what abuse exactly? Lillian didn’t love her? Lex kidnapped her? Said he was going to kill her? You know what? Winn HAD HORRIBLE past and he didn’t turn into a murderer. Mon-El was abused by his mother and never tortured Kara with Kryptonite. J’onn killed a lot of white martians but last time I checked he doesn’t feel good about it. Also, never said the things he has done were GOOD. See a difference?
Yeah, and all of it, still doesn’t give her the rights to torture people. Also, friendly reminder she lied to Supergirl about Kryptonite in s3, much before the whole drama. Remember how she destroyed the life of a girl that stole boyfriend in middle school? It clearly shows she always had THAT in her. Plus, sorry not sorry, if she wanted different life, outside her family she could have easily done that. She was in Star City, with Jack, doing her researches, making her career. And she threw it all away, because she WANTED to be a Luthor.
Plus, sorry not sorry, if you feel betrayed and hurt because your friend didn’t tell you something she didn’t OWE you, you go to therapy, not trying to lobotomize entire planet.
Mate, she wanted to lobotomizer entire humanity, without ANYONE’S consent, because SHE, one single Lena, felt hurt. This is playing a GOD. Nothing explains it.
Planning a cold ass revenge for months is not being blinded by feelings.
Once again, even if could argue about how many times she was broken, most of that was a white privileged life she chose herself but whatever, it still doesn’t excuse her. All of she has done should meet consequences. Paying for shit you have done, accepting it, fully realizing what you have done is a part of redemption. Still in s5 she didn’t even apologize to Kara. Because she still didn’t understand what she has done and doesn’t feel sorry about it.
Feel appalled as much as you want, because I’m not going to feel sorry for a white, privileged woman who has never paid for her actions and is basically a living avatar of the worst Karen you can imagine.
She realized Lex was using her horrible experiments (remember? She experimented on puppies too) to his own agenda, that’s why she went to Kara. That’s not grasping a thing. Mhm, if you call that an apology then suit yourself. She is not saving the world, she is helping once again other people fixing the shit she created.
Feel infuriated as much as you want, because I don’t care? Especially when it comes from a person who tells others to take a step back while being totally narrow minded about Mon-El and karamel.
3.Because actors, prodcuers, writers call SC a female friendship. Mel did that in her last interview. See whatever you want but maybe stop forcing people to ship a horribly abusive ship.
Well… no. Kara is the heart and soul of the Supergirl. Alex is her most important relationship. Lena is an important friend, who doesn’t deserve it yet, but we all know Kara is the Paragon of Hope so of course she is going to forgive her.
I know you people think sc dated because they breathed in one room, but in s2 Kara dated, had sex, kissed, cuddled and enjoyed her time with Mon-El.
Yeah, they love each other as friends. It was said more than once.
That’s your delusion, you are free to do it.
Kara done that to Alex too, so you are saying she is romantically in love with her sister or something? If bringing people food is romantic and damn, most of the people I know loves me, god.
No, lena is not Kara’s love of her life.
Cool, you are not going to hate me because I ship karamel, I’m touched.
Sorry that you are going to be super disappointed in the end of the show I guess.
You will hate my hate – what’s the point of it?
Once again, because I don’t think you understand the point of this blog or read the description – it’s gathering receipts of assholes who cross tag and hate on the actors. Maybe go and search #gross hate or #cast hate on this blog so you can see how amazing your fandom is. Have fun.
I would rather eat my own shit than starting shipping the victim of abuse with her abuser.
Thanks and no :)
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tempobaekh · 3 years
Text
Rating Penthouse: War In Life characters
I asked my followers on Instagram to give me Penthouse characters to rate and my thoughts about them so I thought to post it here as well. Now this is my personal opinion about how I feel about the characters and how much I will rate them
⚠️⚠️THIS CONTAINS A FEW SPOILERS⚠️⚠️
My Instagram: Tempobaek
Logan Lee
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10/10
Lemme just say I love him SO MUCH
LOGAN LEE BEST BOY
I absolutely loved his character and the fact that he was one of the few people who wants justice and is honest made me love him even more
Him playing Go Hu Dong was amazing as well and I didn't recognize him at all at first like he played it so well with the accent, costume and wig and everything
His accent and language switch in between English and the Busan accent Korean was so fucking sexy🥵
✨Mr. Joo✨
My man was also smart with his revenge
He was also serving amazing LOOKS every episode in the two seasons and I loved every single one of them
And I'm going to be honest here, after watching the preview for S2 ep13 his laugh was creepy in one of the clips and after reading a few theories I lowkey thought that he would be the next villian
I regret suspecting him now
But instead of that they gave us a bigger plot twist and blew up our man with a bomb😩
He literally went ✨LiGhT iT Up LiKe DyNaMiTe✨ (I'm so sorry)
I would've rather have him be a villian than die in the bomb
I MISS HIM ALREADY AND LOVE HIM SO MUCH😭
DID I MENTION THAT I LOVE HIM
Joo Seok Kyung
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7/10
Another one that annoyed me angered me so much🙄
Like she was ruthless and had no mercy when it came to bullying and putting people down that she thought were a rival or putting people down in general
She didn't change even when Rona died
She also went as far as to like cheat her way to win the Cheong Ah Art High School trophy and blackmailed Cheon Seojin to win the trophy
But there were times where she would show emotions and those would be often her break down and weak moments
And those moments would really show how she is broken inside and puts up a careless and brave image, she is someone who needs healing even though healing takes time
I also saw someone saying like 'oh Seok Kyung hates her mom so much'
Yeah she hated her mom but she didn't hate her to death like she didn't wish death upon her
Seok Kyung was heart broken when she heard Suryeon's death and that showed that she still loved her mom even though Suryeon didn't give birth to them
I was heart broken when I saw that she cut her hair because here was no one there to tie it for her bc Suryeon loved Seok Kyungs long hair and that's why she didn't cut it but after he mothers death no one was there to tie her hair for her
I started seeing her in a different light after a while bc again it showed that he character was very broken emotionally and needed healing
I'm interested about seeing more of her character development after the last ep where she defended Rona
Also my girl is so hot, another one that was serving amazing looks
Joo Seok Hoon
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8/10
He was lowkey annoying at first ngl
Like my man was just🧍🏻‍♂️
It annoyed me so much how he defended his sister so much, fell for her tricks, covered up for her and did anything she said EVEN though its wrong
But after some time I understood that he cared for and that she was the only family left to him
I mean Seok Hoon hate Joo Dan Tae so he doesn't counts and Suryeon was dead at the moment
I will still not forgive him for bullying Seol A even though he regrets it
It also annoyed me how he didn't stood up for Rona at all in the first season even though he liked her
By he got so much better in S2, he was even part in the revenge plan
He is literally the human CCTV camera in Hera Palace like he knows more than even the viewers know
The way he was protective of Rona when he found out she was alive was so aDORABLE
And my man was amazing in the last episodes
I love him
Cheon Seo Jin
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4/10
THIS WOMAN MAKES MY BLOOD FUCKING BOIL
Like I sometimes just was to 🤜🏻👩🏻
But sometimes I wanna hug her😩
Idk I feel like she became a horrible person bc of greed and that he father and mother placed too high expectations for her
Instead of praising her for her accomplishments her parents wanted her to do more
Maybe that's why she was desperate for love and affection and found that in Joo Dan Tae even though he pretended to like her
But that definitely does not dismiss her horrible actions
But also the harsh past made her the could hearted person, like she left her father to die
She felt more care towards her daughter after she almost lost her because Eunbyeol tried to commit suicide
She was in alot of pain and you could see it in her cries and when she was on the phone with the person
Soyeon's acting was amazing in that scene
She started to care more about her ex husband and daughter when she saw how much Eunbyeol was suffering and she realized that she genuinely liked Ha Yoon Chul hwen she saw how horrible Joo Dan Tae was
I did feel bad for her sometimes but after seeing that she didn't change I really didn't feel any sympathy for her
She needs therapy
Girlie was shocked when the doctor said she is losing her voice like bestie you are screaming every episode
She was also serving amazing looks every episode
Ha Yoon Chul
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5/10
The first male character I simped for
Like I am not going to deny it but he is hot🥵
But the first few episodes he was an absolute asshole and greedy
But I never expected him to be Yoonhee's ex boyfriend
I did like him a tiny bit when he saved Yoon Hee from Kyu Jin
His entrance in S2 with the helicopter was damn hot
And I WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN HE SAID MEET MY WIFE OH YOON HE
LIKE YAY MY SHIP IS SAILING
I spoke too soon
His character development and fighting skills were hot as well
He was ADORABLE with Rona and Yoonhee
I seriously thought that Rona was his daughter
BUT THAN AT THE CHEONG AH FESTIVLE OOF SIR I WANTED TO PUNCH HIM
I WAS SO MAD WHEN HE SABOTAGED RONA'S PERFORMANCE
I began hating him after that💀
Like he went 📈📉 with his character development
AND THEN HE CLEANED EUNBYEOL'S MEMORY FROM THAT NIGHT LIKE SIR SKSHSKSHKS SHE DID HAT TO YOUR DAUGHTER
I actually asked my dad what he thought about what Yoon Chul did and this was his reponse:
"If you look at it from a parents perspective they would want to do anything if they saw their child in pain like he did but I would've also scolded her and had a conversation with her about why she did it instead of wiping her memory from that night like he did. "
So that's that
I LOVED IT WHEN YOON HEE CAME WITH THAT BLOW AND TOLD HIM RONA WAS HER DAUGHTER
Jonghoon's acting was chef's kiss in that scene
I was going to rate him a 4 but I gave him that 5 when I saw how he was at court, he admitted to his wrong doings but also still had feelings for Yoon Hee
I wanna see his reaction in s3 to Rona now bc now that he got to know that is his daughter I wonder how he will be
Lee Kyu Jin
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1/10
AN ASSHOLE
USELESS
WHY IS HE HERE
Like I have nothing to say about him rather than I hate him and that he useless just like his wife and son
HE IS LITERALLY NOTHING WITHOUT HIS MOM
I'm only giving him that one bc he was funny in the episodes
THATS THE ONLY REASON HE IS THERE JUST FOR COMEDY PURPOSES
Go Sang Ah
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0.5/10
ANNOYING 2.0
USELESS 2.0
ALL SHE DOES IS SPEND HER HUSBAND AND MOTHER IN LAW'S MONEY
LIKE SHE AIN'T EVEN WORKS
UNLIKE KANG MARI
The only thing she does is gossip
And spills the tea☕
SHE IS LITERALLY NOTHING WITHPUT HER HUSBAND AND HIS FAMILY
Giving her a 0.5 bc she is kinda funny eh
Lee Minhyuk
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0/10
ANNOYING 3.0
USELESS 3.0
ASSHOLE 2.0
Idk if it runs in the family but again he is useless
And a dumbass
He also nothing without his parents
Why is he there tho like you ain't even funny
All he can do is cause trouble
And bullied Jenny
His dumbass slipped and broke his own arm and blamed it on Rona smh🤦🏻‍♀️
Sometimes I just wanna 🤜🏻👦🏻
Also my dude was trying to sound all intimidating by saying
"Oh Jenny's father is a scary man, yOuR dEaD BaE rOnA"
Like dude worry about yourself bitch you are dead first for bullying Jenny
But like I hate the character but LOVE THE ACTOR HE IS SO HOT OMFG
Joo Dan Tae
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0/10
ANOTHER ONE THAT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH AND MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL
SOMETIMES I DONT WANNA 🤜🏻 I WANNA 🔪
LIKE I HATE HIM WITH A FUCKING PASSION
I DONT CARE ABOUT HIS PAST OR ANYTHING HE IS A GREASY, GREEDY, PSYCHO, OBSESSIVE MANIPULATIVE, POSSESSIVE PSYCHO
Like I legit thought he was nice in he first ep and then I saw him kiss Seojin and-
Me: 🤨😧😃🤮 MY EMOTIONS WENT LIKE THAT
LIKE HE IS SO FUCKING POSSESSIVE OVER SURYEON, AEGYO AND SEOJIN LIKE ITS DISGUSTING
I WAS GETTING YANDERE BEHAVIOUR FROM THAT OLD MAN
PURE TRASH
Bae Rona
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9/10
I LOVE HER NOW
RONA BEST GIRL
She was also annoying at first and was very ungrateful
But over time she got better, still a tiny bit annoying sometimes but better
When she came back from the US I WAS LIKE GIRL NO YOU FINNA RUIN THE PLAN
I do feel bad for her bc she went through alot with bullying, her mom going to jail not only once but twice, her getting to know that Yoonchul who she started liking sabotaged her performance, and also literally almost dying
My girl has been through a lot
AND WHEN SHE RUNNED TOWARDS THE STAIRS OUTSIDE WHEN EUNBYEOL WAS CHASING HER I WAS LIKE GIRL RUN TO THE HALL YOU RUNNIN OUTSIDE
I am excited to see her reaction to getting to know that Yoon Chul is her dad
Part 2 is also posted!
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Text
Little Sunshine (Miss Venable x reader x Alice Macray)
okay..hi :) this is reallyyyy long xD And its the story of this 3 cuties and how they fell in love with each other.. Well, its a little bit like the 3. part of “purple roses” (purple roses u can find here: https://littlejeaniehugsbumblebees.tumblr.com/post/640902350735818752/purple-roses-ms-venable-x-reader ) 
I know, that there is no second part online today, but there will be! If u didnt read the first part, u dont need to, coz i wrote this fanfiction that way, that u dont have to read the first part, i guess its angst idk
anygays my english is a mess, thats why i use google translate:’)
can we just talk about the fact, how perfect alice and mina would match? Mina the hot top with all that bdsm vibes and on the other hand we got the cute and innocent Alice sksksks
I guess Mina is the protagonist of this fanfic 
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A good description of your relationship would have been complicated. Because it was all incredibly complicated. Don't get me wrong, you loved your girlfriends and they loved you, but sometimes when you woke up between the two of them, when Mina had her arms wrapped around you from behind and when Alice was cuddled with her head against your chest, you might just be confused how all of that could be possible.
And sometimes you couldn't help but wonder what your life would be like without one of your girlfriends. But you knew that you could never live without one of them, that was a fact.
You needed both to be happy, there was no other way.
Mina brought firmness and structure into your life. Thanks to her, you had developed routines for your daily routine and were no longer so distracted. And you loved the fact about her that she was more rational than emotional about things.
And every time she went on a business trip and left Alice and you at home alone, a huge mess broke out and all structures were thrown away.
You would oversleep in the morning, be late for work and your house would turn into a huge disaster and mess.
It just wouldn't work without Mina.
Alice, on the other hand, was the most innocent, gentle, and naive person you had ever met. Mina helped you solve your problems, but Alice helped you understand and accept them. In addition, Alice was incredibly cute and she was fantastic at cooking.
And whenever you needed it, she was there to hug you and tell you how much she loved you.
And the proof that it wouldn't work without Alice was the relationship you had with Mina before Alice came into your life. At the moment when everything you had with Mina broke, it seemed like God would have sent a gentle angel to save you.
----------------------
"This is going to be a new record .." you said as you leaned into the door frame to watch your girlfriend who was still working at her desk.
"What do you mean?", She lifted her gaze from her laptop in confusion to stare at you with a frown.
"You have been home for 4 hours and are still working .."
Mina sighed and rubbed her temples.
"I just have to make one phone call and then I'm done .." she muttered with her eyes closed.
"You always say that ..." you started, shaking your head. "One last phone call, one last document, one last email ... and then it's 10 p.m."
Mina was startled at your words and took a quick look at the clock on her laptop. You were right, it was 10 p.m.
"I doesn't matter ..." you sighed and turned to go back into the hallway.
"I'm going to bed, good night Wilhemina ..."
"Good night .." she replied quietly and stared after you.
Wilhemina.
That's what you called her only when you were angry.
Mina swore quietly and grabbed her phone before dialing the directory assistance number and letting it ring.
"Uhm..Hello, you're connected to the directory assistance, I'm Alice ..", came a soft female voice, which sounded a bit too happy for Mina's taste.
"I want you to find Lennox Fischer's private email address for me ..", Mina said in a commanding tone.
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment before the woman, Alice, continued.
"We have actually been closed since 6 p.m. .."
"Then you shouldn't have answered the call, could you still find this address for me?" Mina sighed and propped her chin on her palm.
"Give me a minute ... I've only been working here for a few weeks ...", Alice laughed nervously and Mina closed her eyes in annoyance.
"That's when I realize I shouldn't have told you my name .." Alice remarked after a few seconds.
"How tragic .." Mina replied ironically and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Do you have the email address?"
"I'm sorry..but what was the name again?"
"Damn it, it's not that difficult. Then why do you have this job if you can't get anything done anyway? I've rarely met someone who is as damn unqualified as you," barked Mina and slapped the table with the flat of her hand.
"You have no idea .." the other woman yelled back.
"Can you all stop being so impatient with me? I'm only human too ... And all because you're too lazy to look for it yourself and now take out your frustration on me ... I'm getting this right now not paid either, so it takes as long as it takes. And if you have a problem with it, fuck off.."
Miss Venable stared in confusion at the phone in her hand.
"Uhm, I'm sorry ..", she stammered overwhelmed.
"It's just that my girlfriend is impatiently waiting for me to finally get to bed .."
On the other end of the phone, Alice snorted.
"Yours too, yes? Get a divorce from her, even if she's just your girlfriend, it makes everything easier..You know- "
"Lennox Fischer ..", Mina interrupted the woman to bring her back to the subject.
"Oh yeah .. m'sorry .." Alice muttered and laughed nervously again. "You have to know that I got divorced from my husband two months ago and it's all a little bit complicated .."
"Aha."
"Well, I now have his email address, can you write it down? Then I'll dictate it to you .." Alice said and Mina sat down straight again to type in the email address down that Alice dictated to her on the phone.
"Good .." Alice said and sounded polite again.
"Then I thank you for your call and hope I could help you .."
Mina let out a small snort and had to grin at the strange woman.
"I have to thank you .." she muttered before hanging up and finally shutting down her laptop.
When she finally opened the door to your bedroom, you were lying with your back to her in bed and she couldn't tell whether you were still awake or already asleep. She undressed quietly and then climbed into bed behind you.
"Honey?" She whispered softly as she leaned over to gently press kisses against your exposed shoulder. "Are you still awake?"
"Nope .." you made with your eyes closed and Mina laughed quietly.
You blinked against the darkness of the room as you turned your head to face her. Your girlfriend was hunched over you naked, looking guiltily at you. After staring at her for a moment, you reached out your hand to reach behind her head and carefully pulled the hair tie out of her hair. Long red hair fell down her face and the ends of her hair tickled your cheeks.
"I'm done with everything now .." she whispered, smiling gently.
"Now is half past ten ..", your hand slid from the back of her head to her cheek to linger there.
"Now is a little bit late.."
"I know and I'm sorry .." she muttered and you could hear the regret in her voice. But a simple "sorry" wasn't enough for you anymore.
You sighed before you sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed.
"Look, I know you have to work a lot, but sometimes it's just too much you know?"
Mina, who had also leaned against the headboard, nodded shortly before you continued.
"It's not about that the whole thing can't be healthy for you. I mean more us ... Although that might be a bit selfish, I know you love your work, but I uhm .. I don't know- you know, you work all the time and even on weekends and I know it's not your fault, but I just can't do this anymore..I'm sorry that I claim your affection so much, but I just need you and you have no time .. "
Carefully you looked over at Mina, who sadly returned your gaze.
"I'm sorry .." she whispered and grabbed your hand to pull you close to her so you could rest your head on her chest.
"I'll do better, I promise .."
"I know I'm no better myself .." you muttered as she began to comb through your hair gently.
"As a professor at this college, I have to work a lot too, but not until 10 p.m."
"I'll do better .." she repeated and you smiled before leaning over to press your lips against her cheek for a moment.
"That's all I want .." you pulled back and lay back on your side of the bed. Your girlfriend was not long in coming and lay behind you before she put an arm around you and pulled you back to her.
"What do you think if we go out after work tomorrow ..?" She whispered in your ear.
You hummed in agreement. "That's a great idea..".
"Yes?"
"Yeah .." you muttered with your eyes closed.
"Good night Mina ..".
"Good night baby .."
---------------
You slammed the car door angrily before turning around to stomp up the steps to your front door. You were angry. Very angry. After you hurried to get off work as quickly as possible, you drove to the restaurant where you had an appointment, only to wait an hour for someone who didn't come and now you drove back home and then to see Mina's car parked in the garage.
"Wilhemina fucking Venable .." you shouted as you opened the front door.
"How dare you humiliate me so much ..".
You ran to her workspace and as you expected she was sitting at her desk in front of her laptop and seemed to be working. Her brown eyes widened when she saw you angrily standing in the doorway.
"I'm so sorry ..", she stammered and got up.
"Oh of course you are .." you hissed with narrowed eyes.
"I called you 4 times while I sat in this stupid restaurant for an hour .. You can't imagine how embarrassing it was, the waiter felt so sorry for me that I didn't have to pay for my tea .. "
Your girlfriend stared helplessly at you.
"Like I said, I'm sorry, Y / N .. i was just so busy and then I forgot .."
"So do you admit you've forgotten? You know, at one point I thought you might be doing this on purpose because you think it's funny."
"I never could, I-", she began, but you raised your hand to silence her.
"The only problem is that you always do that .." you bit your lip.
"You promise me so often that you will spend time with me only to then skip it for your work .. Then just leave it straight away and I don't always have to make myself hopes, only to be disappointed ..".
"Y / N please .. I'm as good as finished .. We can still go somewhere and have dinner ..", she looked at you desperately, but you just shook your head.
"Just forget it, Mina .." you muttered before turning around to leave her workspace . She looked after you sadly before let out a frustrated moan and slumped back into her desk chair.
How could she have forgotten?
Reluctantly, she picked up her phone and dialed the directory assistance number like the night before.
"Hello, you are connected to Directory Assistance .." said the same soft voice as last night.
"Alice ..", Mina remarked and didn't really want to notice.
"Ohh you're the rude woman from last night .." Alice laughed on the other end of the phone.
"The one with the impatient girlfriend .."
"Now more likely the one with the hating girlfriend ..".
"What did you do wrong?", Mina could hear real concern in the woman's voice and that confused her. She didn't even know this woman.
"She's upset because I always move her for work .." she mumbled.
"It's not your fault if you have to work."
"Exactly! ..", Mina shouted loudly and was surprised by her own volume.
At the other end it was quiet and Mina noticed that the whole thing was more than just private right now. She cleared her throat just before continuing.
"Can you find out Leigh Chaplin's phone number for me?"
"Of course..give me a minute .." Alice muttered and Mina heard Alice tapping on the keyboard through the receiver. For a brief moment Mina thought about just hanging up. That call was quite weird and had taken on a very personal direction. But just when she really wanted to hang up, Alice began to dictate the phone number to her and she had to take notes.
--------------------
Mina had decided to make amends for what had happened a few days ago. The only problem was, whenever you had time, she couldn't. And once she was done with everything, you had to work. It was a never-ending cycle that dragged you both further and further down. And the worst part was that you both knew that and still couldn't do anything about it. She loved her work as much as you loved yours and neither of you would ever be willing to sacrifice your work for the other.
And yet Mina had decided to make it up to you and that meant for her to help you with saving time. That's why she was now at the city library to bring back the books for you that you had borrowed a few weeks ago. Actually you had your own little library in your house, because you valued books very much, but at some point all these books were read and you were both not people who read books again.
And as a college professor, you had a habit of researching books rather than the internet anyway.
Here she was now, hobbling her stick through the library building. Which turned out to be quite difficult as she was holding your books in one arm and then had to go through the big building with her stick. If she were to trip and fall, she would have no way of catching herself. Mina knew that this would probably never happen, but still she didn't like the feeling.
But of course it happened as it had to, as always in such situations. It wasn't Mina who fell, but it was one of the books that slipped out of the crook of her arm and landed with a thud on the wooden floor of the library. How much she hated that ... such situations were almost unbearable for her. Simply because it was embarrassing to know that because of her scoliosis she was unable to bend down to pick up the book herself.
She wanted to swear loudly, but she knew that a library might not be the best place for this. She poked her senselesslyn stick around on the book and tried to put it upright somehow, only to grab it. But it was useless. Of course it had to be the thickest of your books that she had dropped. Her stick seemed to be against it like a thin branch.
"Let me help you .." suddenly came a soft voice from behind her and made her flinch. Mina turned around and looked into the friendly face of a petite woman with light brown hair.
"Your book ..", the woman said when Mina didn't answer and pointed to it with an outstretched finger. Again Miss Venable didn't answer and just stared at the woman in front of her. She was 100% sure she had never seen her before, but her voice ... She knew that soft voice, she just didn't know where from.
Without hesitating for another second, the strange woman bent down and picked up the book.
"You are welcome ..", she smiled and put the book back in the crook of Mina.
"Thank you ..", Mina mumbled, still staring at the woman in front of her, confused.
"I'm sorry, but do we know each other?"
"I think I would know that..", the woman laughed and suddenly Mina knew who she was looking at.
"You're Alice .." she uttered. "Alice from directory assistance ..".
Alice's eyes widened.
"Then you must be the one with the impatient, hating girlfriend .."
Mina's pale skin turned red at the other woman's words and she began tapping the floor with her stick in an irregular rhythm, as she always did when she was nervous.
"I may have exaggerated a bit .." she muttered. "She doesn't hate me ..".
"Well, I'm glad .." Alice honestly smiled before she nodded at the books in Mina's arms with her chin. "By the way, you have a very good taste in books .."
Mina's gaze followed that of the woman in front of her and landed on the book that she had dropped.
"Oh..these aren't my books, my girlfriend read them .."
"So she has a very good taste in books ...".
Mina nodded briefly while she was still staring at Alice. The fact that she had actually met this woman was so weird that it couldn't be a coincidence.
"Uhm .. I should bring the books back .." she muttered and Alice nodded quickly.
"I can wait .." said Alice.
"So .. if you want .." she added quickly when she noticed Mina frown.
Mina narrowed her eyes while she could only stare again. Alice exuded such confidence and she was so kind, it was like she couldn't help but agree.
"Okay .." Mina muttered. "Just give me a minute ..".
Alice's eyes began to glow.
"Perfect .." she said, beaming. "I'll wait outside."
Mina nodded shortly before leaving Alice to return the books.
"Where is your car?" Mina asked Alice as she stepped out of the library.
"Oh uhm I came here on foot .." Alice muttered and Mina frowned.
"It's getting dark .." she said curtly and Alice, who obviously didn't know what to do with that remark, nodded shortly.
"I can drive you home."
Mina studied Alice's face for any dislikes, but the woman just smiled again.
"That would be nice..".
Mina nodded again before going to her car with Alice.
"Well ..", Mina began after getting into the car with Alice.
"Where do you live?" She looked at Alice from the side, who was desperately trying to put the strap over her blouse so that it wouldn't crease.
"Uhm..Woodhill Avenue ..", the woman mumbled when she was finally satisfied.
"You can't be serious ..", Mina stared at Alice, not sure whether to laugh or be upset. "We live on the same street .."
"Oh really?" Alice's eyes lit up again.
Mina just hummed in agreement before starting the car.
For a few minutes they drove through the crowded streets and neither said a word. And although something like that was usually uncomfortable, at that moment it was actually quite pleasant, at least that's what Mina thought.
"Actually we know the whole neighborhood, but I've never heard of an Alice, nor have I seen you ...", she said finally as she turned into the long street of Woodhill Avenue.
"Well .. actually I don't live there .. I think I told you that I separated from my husband and since then I've been living with my daughter ..", Alice explained and Mina didn't even need to look at her to see how the woman was uncomfortable with the topic.
"I'm sorry .." she said curtly.
"Oh no .. you know, I'm happy the way it is now, at least I'm happier than I was with Buck a few months ago ..".
Mina didn't know what to answer, so she decided not to say anything again.
"Do you know the people who live in this house?" Alice suddenly asked and pointed to the building that Mina referred to as her home. "Venable and Y / L / N are their names .. My daughter told me that everyone is afraid of them .."
Mina stared at Alice and when she realized that the woman was serious, she started to laugh.
"Is it really that bad that everyone is afraid of us?", Mina said and couldn't help but grin as she watched the eyes of the woman next to her widen.
"Wait..I- you live in the house with your girlfriend?" Alice stammered and Mina nodded.
"I'm so sorry ... God ..this embarrassing .."
Alice buried her face in her hands and stared between her fingers at the house where you lived with Mina.
"Well, it's a nice house ..", she muttered, trying to get out of this situation somehow. Mina just snorted in amusement before continuing down the street with the car.
"Which house does your daughter live in?"
"In the green one over there .." Alice muttered and Mina's eyes landed on a green low-rise building.
"Ohh your daughter is Evangeline ..", Mina remarked as she parked the car in front of the house.
"You know her?" Alice sounded confused.
Mina nodded.
"I've never really spoken to her before, but I know her .."
"Okay .." Alice frowned before reaching for the seat belt to unbuckle her.
"That's when I notice, I don't even know what your name is ..".
"Miss Venable .." Mina said curtly and bit the inside of her cheek.
"uhm..or Wilhemina .."
Alice smiled.
"Well, then thank you, Wilhemina, for taking me home .."
"Good Night, Alice ..", Mina muttered and had to smile again.
"Good Night .." Alice repeated before getting out of the car and disappearing into the green house. And Mina couldn't help but stare after her.
In her mind, for whatever reason, she was back on the day the two of you had met in the flower shop where you had been working at the time. Even then, she had wanted to smile all the time.
When Mina finally stood in front of the house for a few minutes and finally decided to go home, she felt nothing but guilty feelings and she did not know who these feelings were for: Alice, because Mina had let her go or you, because she felt exactly the same  things right now as she did when you and Mina first met.
----------------------
It was Saturday evening and Alice was on her way to the house of the interesting woman she had met in person a few days ago. Somewhere she had a guilty conscience, as it was already 10 p.m. and it was probably impolite to disturb Mina so late, but she really wanted to see Wilhemina again and at the same time she really wanted to get to know you.
She stepped onto the site of your house and hesitantly raised her hand to the bell before finally pressing her finger against the little button.
When two minutes later still nothing had moved, Alice actually wanted to turn around and go home, but then she remembered that Mina probably needed longer due to her stick and that's why she stayed. And actually a few seconds later an angry looking Mina opened the door for her.
When Alice saw Mina's angry look, she was afraid for a moment that she had more than just disturbed, but when Mina recognized her, her look softened.
"Alice .." Mina uttered happily and Alice could see the woman in front of her trying to suppress a smile, which she failed.
"Uhm..I hope I'm not bothering .." Alice gave Mina, who quickly shook her head, a bright smile.
"No .." said the woman, her face serious again. "How can I help you?"
"Uhm well, I've got something for your girlfriend .." Alice muttered as she reached into her pocket to get the book out before she passed it to Mina.
"I saw on Thursday that your friend had checked out the first part .. I thought she might want to read the second part too .. It doesn't exist in the library .."
"Oh that's nice ..", Mina picked up the book.
"But unfortunately she's not at home all weekend because of a seminar .."
Alice frowned
"Are you sure you're the one who transfers his girlfriend because of work?" She asked and watched Mina just shake her head.
"I think you have a completely wrong picture of her ..", Mina muttered and chewed her lower lip.
"Isn't that important either, do you want to come in?"
"Sure .." Alice nodded quickly and started smiling again.
When Mina led Alice into the living room, Alice couldn't help but be impressed. The walls of the great room were lined up with full bookshelves sorted in alphabetical order. A large chandelier hung from the ceiling and was not switched on because a fire was burning in a large marble fireplace. In the middle of the room was a large dark red carpet on which a dark wing chair, a couch made of the same dark fabric and a square wooden table with short table legs stood.
Alice's gaze caught on the wing chair Mina had obviously been sitting in, before Alice rang the bell. A blanket lay untidy on the seat, covered with an open book and on the table was a half-empty glass with red wine. On the edge of the glass Alice could see traces of Mina's dark lipstick.
"Excuse the chaos, please ..", she heard Mina say behind her. Alice let out a low snort.
"Chaos .." she repeated mumbling and turned to Mina. Except for the few things on the wing chair, the house seemed to have been furnished down to the last detail.
"Do you drink wine?" Asked Mina, clutching her stick with both hands.
"Sure." Alice replied curtly.
"Red or white?"
"White, please ..".
"Well, then wait here for a moment ..", Mina said before turning around to leave the room.
Alice looked after the woman briefly before going to the dark sofa to sit on it. She sat there for a moment, but then the pictures on the mantelpiece caught her eye and she got up again to walk to the fireplace to take a closer look at the pictures.
All of the pictures showed Mina and a woman Alice was unfamiliar with, but Alice was smart enough to say that it was you, Mina's girlfriend.
And she noticed that Mina was right when she said Alice had the wrong picture of you. You didn't see at all like someone that could be impatient or strict. All these pictures showed you laughing honestly, with a cocky twinkle in your eyes. And of course Mina, who, as always, tried to suppress her smile. Alice grinned at the thought.
Each picture showed a different moment, presumably dates or vacations and all in one, Alice thought that you and Mina looked cute together, at least in the photos.
"So you've already discovered Y / N's altar .." mumbled Mina, who suddenly appeared next to Alice.
"Oh yes .. It's cute ..", Alice said and took the glass of white wine, which Mina held out to her before she mumbled a little "thank you".
"I think it's rather cheesy, but it was her idea ..", Mina stared critically at the pictures and for a few seconds neither said anything.
"She's pretty .." Alice finally remarked and Mina just nodded.
"She is.."
Alice's gaze wandered carefully from the pictures to Mina, who was staring sadly down at the pictures.
"You know, I think this is what I like the most .." she suddenly mumbled and tapped an actually inconspicuous picture with her finger. It showed you both in your winter coats squinting your eyes against the flash of the selfie camera. It was also pretty blurry.
"I know it's nothing special .." Mina explained. "But the moment behind it was special ... It was New Year's Eve last year and shortly before midnight we climbed onto the roof of the skyscraper in which she lived at the time, to watch the fireworks from there. I remember exactly how she was angry when I forced her to come on the roof with me .. it was pretty cold ..
But I wanted it to be special when I propose to her .. "
Alice's eyes widened.
"Are you engaged?"
Mina shook her head and smiled sadly.
"We were engaged .. but she broke off the engagement three months ago until .. until things were settled .. You already know how complicated everything is at the moment .."
Alice looked worriedly into Mina's sad eyes before slowly nodding.
"I understand .." she said softly.
"You know, I really love her, but it's just so weird .." Mina pinched the bridge of her nose. "I met her a couple of years ago in the flower shop she worked and earned next to nothing and actually had a shitty life, and now she's been working as a professor for a college for a few months and is finally happy with that... and that is great, don't get me wrong, but we hardly have no time for each other, because now she also has to work long hours ... and it's like she pretends that it's all my fault .. "
"I'm sorry .." Alice muttered before stretching out her arms and pulling the woman into a hug. Alice felt that Mina was uncomfortable when she lay tense in her arms, but when she wanted to withdraw, Mina quickly put her arms around Alice and hugged her back. Alice put her head on Mina's shoulder and inhaled the woman's lavender perfume. They stayed that way for a few minutes, until Mina finally cleared her throat and withdrew.
"M'sorry .." she muttered without looking at Alice and Alice could see the tear marks on her face.
"We shouldn't talk about this anymore .."
Alice nodded quickly. "If I got too close to you, I'm sorry .. "
She followed Mina, who sat down on the couch and sat with enough space next to her.
"Now that you've heard my shit, I'd love to hear yours .." Mina said, giving Alice a subtle sideways look. Alice blinked a few times and thought about it for a moment. Actually, she didn't really know the woman and a divorce is not really a pleasant topic for an evening like this, but a few seconds ago Mina had stood in her arms and cried, so what was wrong with it?
"Uhm .. so I've been divorced for 2 months ..", she began and for the next two hours she told Mina the whole story with Phyllis Schlafly, the E.R.A. and that Houston had somehow opened her eyes and she'd been working on directory assistance ever since. She told Mina about her children and that she couldn't believe she was a grandma. And then she told her about Buck and that for a few years she had wondered if what she had with him was really what she wanted the rest of her life to be.
To be honest, Alice wouldn't normally have been so talkative if it wasn't because of the alcohol. She usually didn't drink, so a glass of Mina's expensive white wine was enough to get her drunk.
"You know, I only noticed now how bad that asshole was in bed ..." she laughed out loud and held onto Mina's thigh. "Well in any case our house belongs to him and I have to live with my daughter .."
Mina, who was just as sober as she was a few hours earlier, might have been a little overwhelmed by Alice's drunkenness, but somehow she found it incredibly cute.
"I'm sorry .." she muttered and Alice missed the worried look the woman was giving her.
"Yikes .." Alice suddenly made as she stared intently at the clock on the wall.
"Am I wrong or is it 14 minutes past midnight?"
Mina was shocked at her words and had to find out that it was actually that late.
"I should call your daughter, then she can pick you up ..".
"Oh let Evangeline sleep .." Alice waved her off.
"I can just sleep with you .. you know I like you, you're nice to me and don't treat me like the failure that I am. Even if you were pretty mean to me on the phone ..".
Alice grinned crookedly before leaning forward and dropping her head into Mina's lap. Mina winced and immediately got up to let Alice rudely fall back on the sofa. The drunk woman let out a low wail and looked reproachfully up at Mina.
"We should put you to bed .." she mumbled and pulled Alice into an upright position before she gently grabbed her arm and pulled her up the stairs with her.
"Uhm .. this is the guest room ...", Mina muttered as they stood in the door frame of the room. Alice stared into the beautifully decorated guest room, which was so much better than the sofa she'd slept on for months. But it wasn't what she wanted.
"You know, I can sleep with you..", she remarked and looked carefully at Mina, who seemed frozen.
"Okay .." Mina finally said before stepping out of the doorway and leading Alice into your bedroom.
A large king-size bed stood with its head against the wall and filled most of the room. One side of the bed faced the door. Alice' gaze ran to the bedside cabinet on this side of the bed and could see reading glasses, a pill box and a tube of some kind of cream next to a small lamp. She suspected that Mina slept here. The other nightstand was a lot messier. Unused kleenex were piled on top of each other while a pair of gold earrings lay on the lamp stand. On one corner of the cupboard was an empty glass, but it was definitely used. And then there was a big black hairbrush and either it was Mina's red hair that was caught in it or you had the same hair color as your girlfriend, which Alice found unlikely. On the wall next to this side of the bed was a large painting with some flowers on it. Alice's eyes wandered to a large ground plant that stood in the corner of the room. She noticed that she had seen beautiful flowers all over the house and she remembered Mina saying that you had once worked in a flower shop.
All in all it was a nice bedroom, but Alice only saw the best part when she had stepped completely into the room:
On the wall opposite the foot of the bed was a huge picture window, which allowed a view of the neighborhood and the beautiful night sky. That was the advantage if you didn't live in the city. Alice couldn't help but grin than her eyesremained hanging on the black grand piano, which crowned the bedroom on top of everything else.
"A piano in the bedroom?", She turned to Mina, grinning, who turned red for whatever reason.
"Y / N can play the piano and when I gave this one to her, she wanted it to be here ..", Mina explained and nervously began tapping the floor with her stick to a random rhythm.
"It's pretty cheesy, but you should hear her play ...".
Alice nodded quickly and put on a neutral expression again when she realized that Mina didn't like her grin.
"I imagine it would be nice to wake up in the morning and then hear the piano .." she muttered and looked back at the piano.
"Anyway ..", Mina said and held her stick tighter again.
"We're about the same size, you can have my nightgown if you want ..".
Alice turned back to her and gave the woman a grateful smile.
"That would be nice..".
Mina only nodded shortly before she left the room, only to come back a minute later in a lavender nightgown.
"I'm going to change in the bathroom while you can do this here ..", she explained as Alice took the nightgown and mumbled a little "thank you".
And less than 5 minutes later Alice, who was actually still drunk, was lying in bed next to a completely stranger and, like Mina, stared at the ceiling in silence. And yet she would have preferred nowhere and it was the first evening in weeks that she could fall asleep without any worries.
---------------------
Contrary to Mina's guess, the next morning hadn't been weird at all. Actually nothing special had happened, but Mina had been worried about Alice's drunkenness, but the woman had been kind as always.
And while everything was fine between Alice and her, she worried about what was between her and you. She felt incredibly guilty and could never have told you that a strange woman had slept in your bed. Mina knew that Alice was way too innocent to think anything about it when she and Mina shared the bed, but you didn't know Alice and you would never understand.
Miss Venable couldn't deny that the brunette had turned her head. Alice was so gentle, it was almost impossible to feel uncomfortable in her presence and Mina finally had someone who understood her and who showed her compassion.
And when you came home on Sunday night and she pushed you right against your front door to kiss you passionately, she did that not only to show you how much she had missed you, but also to prove to herself that she still loved you . Because she did, but what she felt when she saw Alice confused her feelings and it scared her.
It was Thursday afternoon and Mina was on her way home. She had tried again and again over the past few days to show you how much she loved you, but for whatever reason, that only made it worse. At least you just seemed to get a little bit more bitter every day, and she couldn't explain why.
Mina let out an aggressive growl when she sounded the horn because the light turned green and the idiot in front of her stopped driving.
She had got out of work late and now had to hurry to get home, even if she didn't really want to go there. You'd only be disappointed again because she was late again.
Nervously, she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she drove home as fast as she could. She was almost in your street when she spotted none other than Alice on the pedestrian path and automatically her bad mood had flown away. Mina stopped next to Alice on the side of the road before pulling down the passenger door window to see Alice's surprised face.
"Jesus Mina .." Alice exclaimed, clutching her chest.
Mina raised an eyebrow and grinned.
"I thought church mice dont swear ..".
"Actually, I don't swear either .." Alice stammered. "But do you have any idea how scary it is when someone pulls up their car next to you?"
"So am I someone then?"
"No .. but .. you know what I mean ..".
Mina nodded curtly before leaning forward to open the passenger door.
"I guess, you want to go home?"
"Oh yes ..", Alice smiled gratefully at Mina before climbing into the car.
"So how are you Mina?" Alice asked after they had driven for a few minutes.
"M'fine ..", Mina mumbled and was well aware that she was lying.
"Good to hear .." Alice said, sounding in as good a mood as ever.
"How did Y / N find the book?"
Fuck.
Mina bit her lip.
"So uhm..I didn't give it to her..Y / N doesnt know you were with me .. "
"Oh ..", uttered the woman next to her and didn't sound that happy anymore.
"I may not be allowed to interfere, but I think you should talk to her .."
"About what?" Mina frowned.
"About how you feel .. Tell Y / N that you feel misunderstood and make it clear to her that it is not your fault ..".
Mina didn't answer and concentrated on driving again.
"You know, communication is the most important thing in a relationship, so talk to her, I think that might help .."
Great, thought Mina and bit the inside of her cheek. Talking about feelings, that was exactly her thing.
She stopped in silence next to Alice's daughter's green house.
"Thanks, Mina ..", Alice mumbled and wanted to open the car door to get out, but Mina stopped her by locking the whole car.
Alice turned to her in confusion before Mina grabbed her by the collar of her blouse, pulled her close and pressed her lips against Alice's.
Alice let out a shocked whimper and Mina immediately withdrew.
For a few seconds both women stared at each other. Alice looked totally overwhelmed and horrified, while Mina slowly realized what she had just done.
Without a word she opened the car doors and not a second later Alice jumped out of the car before running into the house.
A few minutes passed and Mina didn't move an inch. She stared at the street in front of her, trying to understand what had just happened.
All she wanted was to solve the problems between you and her and now she had kissed another woman. Damn it.
She let out a loud scream and hit the steering wheel before leaning forward to lean her forehead against it. A few more minutes passed while she cried against the leather. She hated being so emotional, right now when so many feelings were boiling in her at the same time and she couldn't define all of these things.
After she had calmed down a bit, she took a few deep breaths before starting the car and driving home.
"I'm home, baby .." she called in a thin voice after entering your house.
"Oh, finally ..", she heard you sigh before you appeared in the hallway. Your usual smile faded when you saw her and you frowned.
"What?" Mina asked nervously and chewed her lower lip.
"You have lipstick on your face ..", your voice sounded dark and made Mina nervous.
"Oh .. it must be smeared .." she said and smiled shakily.
"This is not your lipstick .."
Mina's smile froze and she stared at you.
"So you're really having an affair .." you growled and she could see tears glistening in your eyes.
"What the- Y / N..No ..", Mina's voice faltered as she watched you turn around and pointed with your finger to follow you before you led her into your study.
"If you're not having an affair, what is that ..", you opened one of your desk drawers and put a white lace bra on it.
"I found it under our bed and it can't be yours .. you're not wearing white underwear .."
Mina stared at Alice's bra hanging on your finger.
"Okay, how long?", You looked at her piercingly.
"I uhm- We dont-" Mina struggled for words and clung to her cane.
"You just can't be serious .." you yelled. "All I want is your affection and while I give everything to hang out with you, you fuck someone else?"
"I'm not having an affair, Y / N ..", Mina tried to calm you down and held up a hand.
"Oh, then explain to me why I find strange underwear under our bed and why your face is such a mess .. You know, you could have at least tried to hide the whole thing ..".
"Please let me explain ..", Mina chewed her lower lip and briefly considered what to say.
"Well I know you from the directory assistance ..-"
"Ohh, phone sex..",  you interrupted her and raised an eyebrow.
"What the hell, no y / n ..", Mina hissed.
"It turned out that she lives in the neighborhood and then she was here on Saturday and slept here, more not .."
"More not? Are you kidding me?", You spat and ran your hair through. "You let this stranger sleep in my bed and you don't tell me about it? .."
Mina didn't know how to answer it, so she just kept silent.
"Did you have sex?" You asked as you crossed your arms and chewed your lower lip.
"She never could, she-"
"Okay, I'll ask differently ..", you pinched the bridge of your nose.
"Did you want to have sex with her?"
Mina stared at you with wide eyes. In her mind she traveled back to Saturday night when she had been lying in bed next to Alice and staring at the ceiling. She remembered it well, how disgustedt she was of herself, but all she wanted to do at the moment was bend over the innocent woman to do the dirtiest things to her. Things Alice didn't even dare to dream of. All she wanted was to hear the desperate whimpering of the women and how she shouted her name.
But Mina could never have done that, partly because her loyalty was yours and partly because Alice was far too innocent for something like that.
"Wow .." you mumbled when she didn't answer.
"And then that bitch kissed you today ...?"
"Don't call her that ..", Mina defended Alice. "And besides, I kissed her ..".
"Oh..That's even better ..." you screamed as tears ran from your eyes.
"Congratulations Wilhemina, something like that is called an affair ..".
Angrily you threw the bra at Mina before you ran past her back into the hallway. Mina followed you and watched sadly as you packed your handbag with simple things.
"I'm going to see my mother .." you explained without looking at her while you put on your jacket. "I have to think about a few things ... I have no idea how long I'll be gone ... I also have no idea if I'll ever come back ...".
That was the last thing you said before you ran out of your house and left her with all the guilt.
-----------------------
You spent three weeks with your mother. Three long weeks of thinking about everything that had happened. You loved Mina so much, and the fact that there was probably someone else almost killed you. And actually you hadn't meant to come back to her, no matter that all your things were still in her house, but you were too scared that you would then have to see how she got over you and went on with her life.
After all, it was your mother who persuaded you to go to Mina to talk to her.
And now you stood in front of the door of your house and at least from the outside it looked exactly as you had left it. You bravely raised your hand to the door to knock gently on it.
And when Mina opened the door a minute later, you couldn't help but stare at her. You thought you looked like shit, but Mina topped it all. The actually proud woman was just a pile of misery when she opened the door for you that day. The red hair curled untidily over the fabric of her pajamas as she trembled on her stick. She was obviously in pain and probably hadn't taken her pills, something you usually reminded her of. You looked carefully into her face, which seemed even paler than usual, and noticed how she squinted her eyes against the sunlight, she didn't seem to have left the house for a long time.
For a moment you both stared at each other and you felt guilt creep up inside you.
"Can I come in?" You finally asked and looked carefully into her cloudy eyes that were staring down at you. Mina nodded slowly.
"It's your home ..." she muttered before stepping out of the doorway and hobbling into the living room. Without hesitation you ran after her after the door had closed behind you. You sat down next to Mina, who was staring into the empty fireplace, on the couch and also stared at the fireplace, but your attention was focused on the photos on the mantelpiece.
"You didn't take your pills .." you mumbled and she just hummed in agreement.
"..uhm, how are you?" you tried again before carefully looking at her from the side.
"M'great .." she muttered.
"Okay.."
"And how are you?" She asked while she was still staring into the fireplace.
"I'm great too."
Mina snorted.
"So we're both liars."
You ignored her comment and got to the real reason you came.
"Okay Mina, uhm i dont know- So about this woman .. I don't know what you had or just didn't have with her ..-"
"I had nothing with her ..", she interrupted you with a growl.
"You understand that I can understand that pretty badly?", You bit your lower lip and watched as Mina shook her head.
"I think you should get to know her .." she muttered and you frowned.
"So are you still in contact with her?"
Mina shrugged her shoulders.
"You should get to know her," she repeated.
"Okay .." you raised both hands in surrender. "Tell me when and where and I'll be there ..".
"Are you coming home then?" She whispered as she finally turned away from the fireplace and her injured eyes met yours.
"I .. I don't know ..", you stammered. "Please let me get to know this woman first .."
Mina nodded just before she got up and left the living room.
"What are you doing?" You called after her, confused.
"I'll call her .. "she muttered.
Your eyes widened.
"She's not coming here now, is she?"
"No ..", Mina called from the hallway. You didn't answer and after a few seconds you heard her talking softly to someone before she came back into the living room and stood in the doorway.
"You will meet her tomorrow in the café next to the library ..", she explained.
"Tomorrow I have to work late .."
"I know .." she said. "That's why you don't meet until 6 pm .."
"Okay .." you nodded briefly and stared at her for a few seconds.
"Uhm, I actually wanted to take some clothes with me .. For three weeks I've had to wear the shit my mother still had from me .."
"It's your home..", Mina replied shortly as she again clutched her stick with both hands.
You jumped up from the sofa to run past her up the stairs. In your dressing room you quickly packed a few clothes in an old sports bag before you turned around and actually wanted to go again, but then the white bra of this woman caught your eye, which was lost in the window sill. You knew stuffing that stupid thing in your gym bag might not be a good idea, but you would do anything to break the owner of this bra, for something to do with your girlfriend.
You ran back down the stairs where Mina was waiting for you in the hallway.
"I should go now .." you muttered as she stared at you expectantly. She nodded sadly.
"Uhm..Can I hug you?" She asked quietly and looked at you carefully.
"uh..of course ..", you nodded slowly before suddenly finding yourself in her arms again. She hugged you so tight that you were afraid you would suffocate. Her red hair tickled your face and for the first time in three weeks you could inhale her lavender perfume while she clung to you like her life depended on it.
"I am so sorry ..", she whispered and you swallowed when you felt guilty again.
"I should go now .." you repeated and withdrew from her arms.
She just nodded before you stumbled to the front door.
"Uhm..Y / N ..", she called after you when you were already out the door. You turned back to her and looked at her questioningly.
"Yes?"
"Alice didn't do anything wrong, so please don't kill her tomorrow ..".
You nodded just before turning to go to your car.
Alice.
--------------
"Damn .." you cursed as you nervously stared at your watch.
18:23
You parked your car in the library parking lot and walked briskly to the café.
Your gaze wandered through the almost empty room. Two men were sitting at a table and playing chess, an old woman was sitting in a corner and drinking coffee, and then your gaze was fixed on the graceful figure of a woman who was sitting with her back turned to you. It has to be her, you thought as you stared at her hazel hair curled up on a pastel colored blouse.
You got a little nervous when you approached her from behind.
"Uhm..Alice ..?" You asked and the woman winced slightly before turning to you and staring into her friendly eyes.
"You must be Y / N .." she said with a bright smile and got up.
"Uhm..ja .." you mumbled with a frown before you sat down across from her.
"I'm sorry ..I'm late .."
"Oh its okay .." Alice waved her hand before she sat down again. "Mina told me about your work .."
"Did she?", You looked at her confused and she just hummed in agreement.
You used the next few seconds to take in the woman in front of you and understood what Mina had meant. Alice looked so harmless and didn't fall into the category of the horny neighbor slut at all.
You cleared your throat and pointed with your index finger at the cup in front of you.
"What's this?"
"Tea," Alice said curtly. "She told me that you drink tea .."
The furrow on your forehead only got a little deeper as you pulled your eyebrows together a little further.
"She seems to have told you a lot about me .."
"I also know that you play the piano .." Alice replied, sounding kind of proud.
"She had to explain the piano in our bedroom .." you growled darkly as you remembered that this woman had slept in your bed.
"Y / N, she loves you .." she said and looked at you piercingly.
"I'm not sure about this.."
"Okay .." Alice sighed before starting to tell you the whole story from her point of view. How Mina had called her directory assistance late at night, how they met by chance in the library and how she ended up at your home on Saturday evening.
You listened to her attentively without interrupting her and with everyoneSentence made you feel a little worse because everything she said made sense.
"You must know, I never kissed a woman before and- you know ..." Alice muttered, staring at the table.
"And I thought it was a sin all my life and when Mina kissed me I wasn't really happy at first. You know, I was with her on a Tuesday two weeks ago to talk to her about it and she was really sad..- "
"Did she tell you she loves you?" You interrupt her.
"She-" Alice's voice faltered. "She apologized and said she was confused .."
You stared at her in silence.
"I don't want to offend you, Y / N, but Mina feels totally misunderstood by you .. She tries to do everything right and you reject her .. As if it was her fault that she has to work so hard .. And even if she doesn't seem like anyone that gets involved with something like that, she feels totally terrible about it all .. You didn't see how she cried when I was with her that Tuesday .. "
You looked at Alice sadly when you understood what she meant.
"Damn I'm such an idiot .." you muttered, rubbing your hair.
"There's something else, Y / N .." Alice sat up straight before continuing.
"When I was with her on Tuesday, I kissed her again ..".
Her words made you freeze.
"You did what?"
"You already understand me .." Alice said, looking at each other nervously.
"Did she kiss you or did you kiss her?"
"I kissed her."
"Okay .." you frowned.
"She loves you .." Alice repeated, putting her hand on yours.
Tears stung your eyes.
"But she loves you too ..", you croaked as you felt warm tears running down your face. Alice reached out her hand to wipe the tears from your face.
"Maybe .." she said softly. "But you mustn't be mad at her for that, it's not her fault .. Mina and I don't have an affair or anything, she loves you too much for that .."
"And do you love her?"
Alice thought for a few seconds before answering.
"I don't know to be honest .. This is all new to me, if you get what I mean .."
You nodded slowly and thought for a moment about everything she had just told you.
"I uhm .. thanks for trying to explain everything to me .." you finally said.
The woman in front of you smiled gently before taking her hand back.
"I hope you don't hate me now or anything.."
"Oh no!" You shouted loudly. "You are really kind .."
"Thank you," Alice muttered, her eyes shining a little more.
You stared at her for another moment and you could totally understand that Mina found this little sunshine attractive.
"Uhm by the way .." you started and reached into your handbag.
"I uhm .. I brought your bra .."
You put the bra on the table and pushed it over to the woman.
"Thank you .." Alice mumbled embarrassed and blushed, which made you grin.
She was really cute.
And that was your first "date" with Alice. Although one would call this educational talk less than a date. That same evening you drove back home and by home you meant Mina and not your mother's house.
The following months were more than overwhelming for you, Mina and Alice. Mina and you both applied for less working time at your work, which you also received and you had more time for each other.
That wasn't what overwhelmed you so much, the problem was, that it was pretty difficult for all 3 of you to come to terms with how you felt about each other.
After all, Mina got along best with it because she was the one of you who had been confronted with it the longest.
For her sake you accepted her love for Alice and began to meet the brunette more often and at some point you had to find out that you too were hopelessly in love with Alice.
Alice struggled with it though. The mere fact that she was in love with one woman scared her and then there were two. It was pretty hard for her to put aside all of her lesbian advantages and what her church said about you. Fortunately, Alice's children had different opinions and were glad that their mother was happy again after the divorce.
You and Mina were a little afraid of Alice's extended family, but they had all been nice to you and there was almost nothing better for you than to take care of Alice's grandchildren.
It took a while, but finally Alice also managed to get rid of her inhibitions and give herself completely to you.
And sometimes when you wake up between the two of them, when Mina had her arms wrapped around you from behind and when Alice was cuddled with her head to your chest and you were wondering how all this was even possible, you were probably the happiest person on earth at the same time.
And all you needed for that was the little sunshine in your arms while the red hair of your beautiful protector tickled your face.
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allbrainrot · 4 years
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Hi! First, i love your writing🥺 Now to the point. How about felix, sylvain and dimitri pinning after the female reader? We are basically yeeting ingrid and placing a fem reader instead😂 Like, they are childhood friends and the three of them have had a lovestruck for her since they were kids? And now they just end up fighting for her love or smth? Either hdcns or an scenario is fine! You can pick whichever you wish! However if you dont want to write this req please dont feel forced to! Love u🥺
Thank you so much!! 🖤 And yes, you got it! Bye Ingrid LMAO 😎😎 I write pre timeskip wayyy better so I’m gonna just say that reader is 18 (i don’t write NSFW or anything but age is still a thing lol) so that they’re in between the ages of Dimi + Felix & Sylvain and it works out, hope you don’t mind! I love you too anon 🥺
- Dimi is probably the first one to catch feels when they’re kids! Felix does too but he’s kinda just like wtf is this??? until someone teases him about it. Sylvain is quite ✨special✨ with romance but I think he’d be inclined to trust you a lot more because you’ve known him since you were teeny tiny before you even knew wtf a crest was! So he probably also catches feels when you’re kids but then he goes through his whole girl phase SIGH
- None of them realize their predicament until they all see you again at the officer’s academy together. I wouldn’t say they’re super obvious about it, but they’re teenagers (well Syl isn’t but shhhhh) who all like the same person so they’re going to pick up on each other’s crushes while reader remains ignorant. It’s not an issue that needs to be addressed immediately, but they’re all watching each other cautiously.
- Syl would have a massive head start on flirting with you, but he’s faced with the big issue that you don’t believe he’s being genuine and brush him off. Felix is constantly challenging you to duels to get close to you and also have alone time with you, although the other 2 will occasionally ruin his plans and insist on joining. Ah man bby Dimitri would probably come across as a little overbearing because he’s very protective of you and is constantly offering to do things for you. He’s just a mother hen that’s whipped for you and doesn’t know any other way to express it!
- When it comes to the 4 of you sitting together at lunch or in class, Sylvain is the worst. He’s very aware that his competition is far less bold than him, and so he’s making sure he’s always closest to you. Will squish as close to you as humanly possible HE WOULD DEADASS PUT YOU IN HIS LAP IF HE COULD 😭 If he puts a hand on your thigh or an arm around you it’s a wholeass declaration of war.
- Felix will likely become much more protective which may cause a lot of yelling at you for being careless or weak, but really he’s just so worried! To ease his mind, he’ll help you correct your mistakes himself (which has the added bonus of getting really close to you and occasionally lowkey holding hands when he adjusts your grip). Around other people, especially Dimitri and Sylvain he’ll be evidently sweeter to you to get the message across. A blended mix of jealousy and concern will make him very protective of you around the other two. Dimitri is not getting within 5 feet of you while guard dog Felix is around.
- In the Blue Lions the tension in the air is so thick you could cut it with a knife everyone is thoroughly confused but frankly just sick of it lol. Felix glaring at Dimitri? That’s totally normal but Dimitri is doing it back AND Sylvain is added to the weird stare off- wtf happened?? Byleth would have to talk to them after class and be like guys what in the goddess’s name happened 😭 They’ll all give a vague answer that doesn’t give away that it’s about you and each one of them has a jab at the others to shift the blame..please find your chill lads !
- At this point everything gets a little bit needier because they’ve all had this pent up yearning but have been blocked by the others. (If you’re ok with it) Sylvain will just randomly peck you on the cheek or your forehead when he sees you and you’re just like LOL ok ✨typical Sylvain✨ But when you sit next to him at lunch or in class he’s started very tenderly holding your hand under the table and you’re like huh ok that’s a little odd. If Dimitri is on the other side of you he will carefully take your other hand in retaliation. Felix will probably give in and do the same but he’ll snatch your hand a lot more aggressively and look away from you with a scowl and a blush.
- Dimi and Felix are both touch starved AF and would very much appreciate cuddles or any physical contact. If you’ve reacted positively to everything thus far, Dimitri will slowly start to bite the bullet and initiate affection because he wants it so bad. Any time you touch Dimitri, he gets sappy and lovey af and will express his adoration in hopes that you’ll keep giving him affection. Felix would never upfront ask for affection but he just kinda sits really close to you and glares at you with a little pout and you will have to realize that this is Felix language for ‘it is a crime that you aren’t cuddling me rn’.
- Obviously Sylvain gets lots of physical contact with women but I don’t ever see it as holding affection yknow?? Like yeah he spends a night or two with chicks after them crest babies™️ (i cannot take myself seriously this sentence is so funny-), but I don’t really think that they’ve done actual cuddling or casual displays of affection like petting someone’s hair because they likely don’t care too much for Sylvain and will just do the bare minimum. So in a way, Sylvain is also starved of affectionate touches and he would very much appreciate the little things that no one else has done for him. It’s new and scary for him to actually seek romantic attention, but he’s still pretty bold, just not very tactful when it comes to you lol. If you’re sitting by yourself on a bench he will not hesitate to sprawl himself out on top of you with his head in your lap and stare up at you with an innocent grin. Is also lowkey not embarrassed to whine or pester you?? His reputation is pretty hopeless at this point so what does he have to lose by sitting behind you in class and poking you while dramatically whining about you not paying attention to him?
- Attention is a huge deal to Sylvain. It’s one of the main things he’s looking for when he randomly flirts with people at the monastery. He can’t handle being ignored and that leads him to often seek many girls at once so that he always has attention when one is busy. But when it comes to you he finds himself in deep shit because once he’s gotten a little bit from you, everyone else seems minuscule and with others he only receives a mere fraction of the satisfaction he gets from being with you. So he’s gradually allotting more and more time to you until he hardly talks to any other girl. But Sylvain is used to being the one that everyone wants more of, so when he finds himself in the shoes of the smitten women that piss him off, he’s plagued by the worry that you’ll think he’s overly needy. So he comes to seek validation from you too. If he can just get you to comb your fingers through his hair or give him a kiss on the cheek then he can renew his confidence in trying to court you.
- Dimi is somewhat similar but for different reasons and in different ways. Dimitri has practically no experience with romance so he’s extremely smitten and has an overwhelming desire for the affection you give him that he’s never had. But he’s painfully aware of how extreme his feelings are in comparison to any other couples he may have seen at the monastery, and he’s terrified that he’ll scare you away if he expresses exactly how much he yearns for you. So Dimitri is always very visibly holding back much like he often holds back his strength. Dimi will do anything for you or with you, but you have to initiate it so he can be certain that he’s not smothering you. On days where he’s extremely lovey and never wants to let go of you (which is kind of often lol) he will constantly ask if you’re sure that he’s not bothering you. He is just so horrified at the thought of messing up whatever it is you have.
- Felix will be very easily overwhelmed by you, so it’s much better if you wait to cuddle up to him until you can both go to one of your rooms. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be touched, he does, but his feelings for you make him way too vulnerable for his liking, so he’s not going to want anyone else around. Felix is still Felix and he goes off to take out his feelings in the training grounds every free day, but has started occasionally coming to your room when he’s done for the day and receiving his required cuddle time away from prying eyes. He may have accidentally fallen asleep with you a couple times..
- You’ve probably snuck in to sleep in Dimi’s room on occasions when he’s dangerously sleep deprived. The man, the myth, the legend Dedue would definitely help sneak you in because he knows it does Dimi a lot of good. Dimitri is able to fall asleep with you practically on top of him in his grasp. Feeling your heartbeat close by and your hair beneath his head and hearing you breath peacefully is enough to ground him from his fear of losing you too. He’ll still have nightmares, trauma is a bitch, but when you’re there you can bring him back down and he’ll eventually be able to fall back to sleep (which he typically can’t do alone). It’s not a perfect night’s sleep, but it’s enough to keep Dimi functional and that’s what you’re there for. He’ll thank you a million times and unnecessarily apologize for the inconvenience, please do what you can to reassure him that he’s not a nuisance to you. 
- SIGH Sylvain, this god damn silly little goose, is extremely distressed by his feelings for you and even moreso by his developed neediness. It honestly kinda scares the shit out of him to realize he’s whipped for someone and at a loss for a way to ask you out. He’s used to having that power, to have someone’s feelings in the palm of his hand where he can do anything he wants. Genuinely trying to figure out how he would court someone is a frightening new thing for him and he’s suddenly on a playing field where he doesn’t have his experience or his power to shield himself with. So he reverts to his old ways to try to get a handle on his fear and have his confidence boosted back up. But of course, Syl still wants all the attention he can get from you so you so he spends all of the day with you, then does his other girl bullshit at night! It doesn’t go as smoothly as planned though..Sylvain is used to being yelled at by crying girls, but it hasn’t gone unnoticed that he ignores them all day and drops by whenever he feels like it, and he ends up getting in some pretty nasty arguments that do not help his already vulnerable state. So it’s like 2 AM and Sylvain’s feeling like a sorry sack of potatoes and just wants to be held by someone and talk until falling asleep in their arms. And there’s only one person who Sylvain wouldn’t mind being open with and who could provide him genuine comfort..and you’re the lucky winner of the ‘Sylvain on your doorstep at 2 AM’ lottery!! Unless your sleep schedule is wack you’re gonna be all groggy like hey uhh wtf Syl??? And that is how the occasional nights that Sylvain falls asleep in your room happen!
- If the 3 of these scenarios interfere with each other ummmmmmmmm no they didn’t 😳
Ok! That’s where I’m leaving off because I don’t want to try to write endings with you picking one of them it just makes me kinda sad LMAO. Bro omg it’s the return of the ridiculously long Allister fics she do be goin a little insane though 😳 But for real I’ve been gradually adding to this for like?? a week? And I just kept picking cute relationship milestones or whatever in my walnut brain and writing a point for each of them so that the 3 of them are equally written. So it might not line up perfectly but I hope you like it!!
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yellowbluemoonshine · 3 years
Text
Why Kacchako would be bad idea in canon
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Thanks for question, anon. Actually, i didnt care bnha ships these much in past. And i didnt understand why people ship Kacchako so i wanted to give a chance to see their point cause it was so popular. I wanted to understand why they like it. And many people write some metas about ‘Kacchaco would be better as canon’ and i thought about it a lot. Sooo i wanna explain why i think kacchaco is bad ship in canon.
‘Bakugou respects Uraraka’
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So we all know that Bakugou started to respect Uraraka cause she is strong girl and its true. She is. But point is;
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People dont become strong on their own, people who supported us, people who inspired us makes us strong. We can show the true strengh in ourselves, thanks to those people.
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Uraraka did her best when he fought with Bakugou but she wouldnt do her best, if she wasnt inspired by Deku who always does his best. You know, at first, Uraraka was kind of girl who doesnt take things seriously, unlike others. She is normal girl who just wanted to make her family happy.
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And again, like i said, people dont become strong on their own. Bakugou respects Uraraka cause he realized she is strong but the one who make Uraraka strong isnt Bakugou. So if Uraraka didnt meet with Deku or Uraraka hadnt those people around her, she couldnt show her real strong. And Bakugou wouldnt respect her.
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Like; when you need help, this person wont care about you and wont help you but when you got the help you need and show the strengh you always had inside of you, this person will respect you.
Not even need to mention how that fight portrayed.Like, who cares Uraraka is a girl, she is human being and those much violence was unnecessary. This is not respecting someone, this is just simply not caring the person in front of you.
‘Uraraka understand Bakugou’
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First, Uraraka doesnt specifcially uınderstand Bakugou, she has high emotionally intelligece. She is good at reading people’s emotions. This is why she realized Tsuyu when she was in pain and tried to help her etc etc.
And there is this scene many things like it;
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Uraraka says if we tried to save Bakugou, Bakugou wouldnt like it and its truth but also there is this scene;
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Look how Bakugou is happy to be saved. Basically, if they did what Uraraka did, they couldnt have saved Bakugou.
Bakugou’s ego problem
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We all know why Bakugou has his inferioty complex cause he was praised for the things he was born, how everyone see him as amazing cause he has strong quirk and naturally talented.
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Hero society, even UE also does same thing to bakugou and Uraraka is one of those people. Just like everyone; she thinks he is cool, she trust him. But its a problem should be solved.
In novel. Uraraka talks about how bakugou wouldnt be Bakugou, if he wasnt badmouthing. This is how people treated Bakugou, they justify his wrong actions and Uraraka does the same so how can Uraraka can be the one who changes him, if she thinks and treats Bakugou just like others did.
And another scene from novel. Uraraka says she wants to be like Bakugou cause of his crazy sides but again, Bakugou’s ego, his strengh is not something that should be admired.
This is a flaw that needs to be fixed. It shouldnt justified. This is why i dont think Uraraka is good option cause Bakugou needs to be together with someone who wont justify his wrong actions and someone who wont praise his ego, i think.
Even her development after her fight with bakugou is all about strengh, not personal development so i dont think they would be good match.
Their interaction is based on ‘Deku’
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Their character interaction is mainly about Deku. Those two dont interact each other, otherwise.
For example;
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- Uraraka vs Bakugou; Bakugou thought Deku helped Uraraka with her plan, he even pointed that her self destructive moves  is really similar to Deku’s. And when Uraraka fought with Deku, she thought how she wants to do her best like Deku.
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- Uraraka comes to Bakugou to talk about his relationship with Deku cause she cares about Deku. Bakugou treats everyone like this but Uraraka only comes for Deku.
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- She even keep warning him and saying stop bullying Deku.
 etc etc
I am not saying that they never talk about something else but what brings them encounter is Deku. This is one of the main reasons i dont ship them cause their relationship is full of Deku.
For example; Uraraka and Iida.
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The reason Uraraka and Iida encounter is because they both interested in Deku but after a while, they have relationship outside of Deku.
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Like, Uraraka is worrying about Iida’s match (she doesnt do it in Bakugou’s match), she even find Iida funny and they sometimes interact etc etc. I am not saying that Uraraka x Iida should be canon but at least, they have interaction, outside of Deku.
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Bakugou will truly grow when he faced with what he did to Deku, so Deku is important here but at least, Bakugou has interactions, outside of Deku, like with Kirishima, kaminari, Jirou etc.
This is why i dislike this ship because its like cutting Deku from the picture, even though he is always there. Ship itself ignore Deku’s existence and affect on characters.
Uraraka can reach out to Bakugou
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I think this is reason people like this ship cause they realized somehow Uraraka’s word affects Bakugou’s actions.
But here is this happens;
1- Every person improve when they face with their flaws and take responsibility for their actions.
We all know Bakugou’s ego problem and mostly, how this problem lead him to bully Deku. This is exaclty why Bakugou truly grow when he faces with what he did to Deku.
The reason Uraraka’s word is affecting him isnt about Uraraka’s being special. Its because its about Deku. And Deku is important here cause he is the one who suffered by Bakugou’s ego the most.
2- How to deal with people who have anger issues?
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Simple; take a distance. You dont need to endure anyone’s anger, its not worth it which is something that Uraraka does. She wont endure Bakugou’s anger, like Deku did, Krishima did, Todoroki did.
This is why her words are more effective. Its because she doesnt have relationship with him. If she hanging aroung with Bakugou a lot, he would treat her like the way he treats others. But Uraraka wont be with people who dont see her as an indivual. This is why it lead bakugou to see Uraraka as more invidual, compared to others.
So basicaly it works because she doesnt have relationship with him.
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And i think, Bakugou isnt really prepared to have healthy relationship right now. This doesnt mean that Bakugou should never togethet with someone. Its just i dont think it should be Uraraka cause i think Bakugou should be together with someone who will only see him as special too.
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Btw; Uraraka is selfless and Bakugou is selfish, yes but Uraraka isnt opposite of Bakugou because Bakugou isnt selfish, he is also abusive. Yeah, Uraraka needs to think about herself more but unfortunately, you dont learn to think about yourself by being selfish people. Its not how it works. Being with selfish people only makes you feel more worthless. This is why they dont match as the way people thought about them.
People want to see Uraraka’s having an arc outside of Deku
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Its because author always focus on Uraraka’s feelings for Deku but actually, Uraraka’s flaw isnt her feelings. Her flaw is being selfless.
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This girl literally stop eating so her family can work less. Problem isnt Izuocha at all. ıts about how Uraraka put other needs on her own.
I think its a problem with writing. Author could focus on this side of Uraraka more. But instead, it kinda looks like her felings is problem, even though its opposite.
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Uraraka’s arc is about both learning to be better hero and learning to being onest with herself. First one is happenning with Deku cause he is the one who inspires her. Second will most likely happen with Toga who is Uraraka’s villain foil.
So basically, we can get interesting interactions with Uraraka and story could deal with her arc better but author doesnt prefer it so erasing Uraraka’s feelings for Deku from story wont actually solve anything.
Izuocha
There is already set up for this ship since the beginning. Also their relationship is so nice.
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Uraraka and Deku literally enter UE, thanks to kindness they showed each others. It shows they are meant toe be partners who works together.
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I know we didnt get development in their relationship for long time but think about how it started; Both Uraraka and Deku’s development stopped when they stopped interactng with each others.
The problem isnt izuocha. Both Deku and Uraraka have their own flaws and for their character development,they also should be together.
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Uraraka should learning to be honest with herself and her inspiration for Deku what makes her better hero at first place.
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Deku needs to learn to be invidual, before than being hero. He shouldnt be like Allmight, he should have his own life. Deku always has obsession with heroes and Uraraka is important here cause his relationship with her is also outside of being hero. Also she makes him feel worthy.
Basically, being side with each other helps them to grow as characters too.
Not to mention how many scenes we have too many izuocha scenes in manga.
Here; https://twitter.com/Chaizu2/status/1146634421094645761
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And Izuocha’s being parallel with shigatoga too.
For more details;
Here;
https://savetenko.tumblr.com/post/616248203846828032/partners-deku-uraraka-shigaraki-toga
And here;
https://savetenko.tumblr.com/post/620471397600378880/meeting-with-the-boy
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So whats the point of detroying this nice relationship?
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Why did we watch their feelings then?
If its not gonna resolve or if it was just a little pointless thig, then what was the point?
Its true that ızuocha could’ve been writen better, it still can, it has that potential and its up to author but not making this ship canon wont make things better at all.
A story about abuse
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I think this is the main reason i dislike this ship as canon.
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Bnha is a story about abuse, abusers, abuse victims. How violence affect and destroy people’s minds.
Also, main characters in bnha is being punished for wrong actions and bakugou is one of those main characters too.
For example;
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Deku here says Shouto is forgiving Endeavour cause he is good person.
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Look at how story punches Deku’s face, even though Deku didnt even mean to hurt Natsuo and its not even weird since Deku is abuse victim too.
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And what Bakugou did to Deku isnt even one little wrong word. And he meant to hurt him. Its a huge big wrong thing what Bakugou did to Deku.
So basically, making kacchako canon is like; Bakugou will get redemption, exchange he will be with the person Deku loves.
In real life, things like this can happen but this is not real life, its a story and in stories, actions have consequences, especially in a story about abuse. Of course, Uraraka is her own character but this is not about her.
Its just the idea; Bakugou will get redemption, exchange he will get love interest and that love interest is someone Deku really close. Abuser’s being with abuse victims’s love interest is terrible idea especially in a story about abuse.
Uraraka wouldnt even interact with Bakugou, if it wasnt for Deku’s sake but somehow, she will like Bakugou because???
Its literally like using Deku as a stepping stone cause if Deku wasnt there, Bakugou and Uraraka wouldnt interact and as long as Deku is there/after meeting with Deku, i dont think Uraraka would love Bakugou.
Its also seem like good girl-bad boy cliche we saw in shoujo mangas. It will turn into love triangle (which is i personally hate) and this story isnt even romance series so no point.
Uraraka s type
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You see, Uraraka has certain type (just like Toga and many other people). Point is; we all have. Unconciously we chose the people we love cause there are some behaviours we liked and we fall in love with the people who has those behaviours. This is how love works in real life and bnha’s author actually does the same.
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Uraraka is hight emotionally girl, she immediately saw something in Deku. Something that makes her interested in him. She realized this, before than Deku cause she is better at reading people. And that type doesnt fit to Bakugou's character at all. So basically loving Deku is also part of Uraraka’s character.
Basically;
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After all of this point, there is no point of making Kacchako canon, it would be terrible idea.
‘If author started with Kacchako, would it be good ship?’
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It wouldnt cause again and again, it doesnt fit to their characters. Remember she interact with him cause she cares Deku. Uraraka wouldnt bother to deal with Bakugou and she wouldnt find him inetersting. And bakugou wouldnt chase after a girl who doesnt interested in him.
‘If they meet in completely in different situtions, maybe they would like each others or they would be together?’
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I dont think so and actually with this logic, almost any ship can happen, for example; like Uraraka x Shigaraki.
This is all my own opinion. Of course, i dont say anything to people who find them cute together cause even though i dislike it, everyone have different tastes. I just explained why Kacchako is bad idea for canon. All that fandom has idea of Kacchako is completely fanon.
And the reason i dislike is also i am kinda scared it can be canon, even though it doesnt make sense but anything can happen, especialy author is Bakugou fan, i wouldnt be surprised every character fall in love with Bakugou at all. Lol.
People make depth analysis about it and actually those analysis are good, except i think people forget why Kacchako didnt become canon at first place. I dont like that ignorance, especially its ignoring Deku’s existence. I also think its so forced, especially fandom make many edits. Its like people completely ignore canon cases happenning in story and they write a new story and making them love each others. But i think Kacchako doesnt really work in canon at all.
There might be things i forget to write but for now, thats it.
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Note
1// hi there, before you get too far, I want to say that I am trying to say this with all the kindness in my heart, and that I do, truly care for yall, and this is why im typing this now. I stumbled across your blog via your 'shifting terms' post, and I explored the idea of shifting and the shiftblr community a bit. I read all of your sources (although I don’t really believe most of them are credible enough) ((it could just be the uni student in me tho)) and I can't help but worry for you and
2// the shifting community. As I understand, most of you are still quite young, and while I haven’t tried to shift (I have a deep paranoia of developing a psychotic disorder), I fear that this practice could affect the young minds in this community in an unprecedented way. I am /not/ saying that any of you are delusional, im not saying its fake, im not saying i dont believe you. But many of you have mentioned how shifting is a) not dangerous and b) similar to astral projecting.
3// This is where I begin to worry, in my understanding, astral projecting is VERY dangerous, so if what you are doing is similar i dont believe it is a good idea. Especially for young people. Adolescent brains are very prone to mental illness, and I fear by placing yourselves in this situation you could eventually damage your mind. I dont mean to preach or anything, i just know a lot of you are young and i think you should be aware of the dangers of what you are doing,
4// because it could affect you in the long run. But stay safe, watch over each other and i wish yall the best. (ps. im sorry this was long)
/////end of ask
Okay so I just wanted to first say it would be okay if you didn’t believe or thought I was mentally ill and stated such! An ask like this is useful because it can start an actual conversation; I have concerns besides just disbelief to go off. Astral projection, being young, etc. I thank you for that and for leaving asks.
I don’t want people to think it’s not okay to be open about not believing. I know with the whole rating stuff rather than responding to comments it might seem like that, but I’m just going to brush off what doesn’t have a purpose other than bringing people down because there’s no point in repeating myself.
If it’s clearly meant to be sarcastic or has a punchline or comment for the sake of being rude or feeling like you’re superior (“get a hobby”) then I’m just not gonna humor you. I’m not intending to shut down all concerns at all.
About the sources—yeah, I do agree, a lot of the sources aren’t very credible, I totally acknowledge that. I also acknowledge even if they were all done by very credible sources the findings wouldn’t be absolutely decisive.
That’s kind of the fault of a lack of experimentation in scientific/professional spaces regarding anything spiritual and just the nature of spirituality itself. At the end of the day it’s mainly the suggestion of the findings that are important to spiritual people looking for evidence. I’m not sure if I worded that all coherently lol
I’m gonna answer these two points in reverse
Shifting is b.) similar to astral projection
So when I say similar to astral projection, I mean mainly in the fact you are perceiving stuff outside of your body and projecting. It’s a similar concept, and a bit of a similar practice, but not entirely.
With shifting, you are projecting your consciousness, and with astral projection, you are projecting your astral self/soul.
(I haven’t researched as much into the specifics of astral projection as I have for shifting so feel free to correct me! My understanding of astral projection is that your soul/astral self projects from your body to wander the astral realm.)
I’m gonna copy and paste some stuff I said in a dm message to someone who had a similar concern.
When a person shifts, their soul remains in their body. Your consciousness/awareness of reality is what is in another universe. When a person asteral projects, their soul leaves their body and can travel different realms of the universe.
When a person astral projects, they can come across spirits, deities, and harmful entities. They can take damage to the soul. They can change their astral form. Astral projection is dangerous. It is highly recommended not to astral project without protection.
When a person shifts, they are in a normal reality and do not need protection. Protection doesn’t hurt, as it doesn’t hurt to have protection in this reality, but its not necessary. (Precautions should always be taken.)
If they die in their desired reality, their soul is fine so they just come back. There is no danger of death. Your consciousness or alternate self (“clone”) can also go about your day while you are shifted which I have never heard about for astral projection.
The differences between your spirit projecting outside of your body and your consciousness projecting into another reality is why shifting is generally regarded as safer and as needing less precaution.
shifting is a. not dangerous
Well, not inherently. But like most anything it can be used dangerously. Some of the precautions that should be taken are:
•educating yourself properly before shifting
•grounding yourself (an ungrounded shifter can have issues)
•making sure you are not depending on shifting for anything or using it as unhealthy escapism
•understanding spirituality concepts even if you’re not practicing
I have a Staying Safe While Shifting post that has been in my drafts forever because I want to finish my mental health series to link it in the post, but I’ve been procrastinating finishing the mental health series because of the ADHD and shifting topic, which I believe I have.
We do have a majority of young people on the community—middle to older teens, I think. Most adults interested in this sort of thing participate under Quantum Jumping, a term that’s been around longer, which seems more online forum based.
Overall, yes. Shifting when exposed to the wrong people can absolutely harm mental health. I think we’re seeing it on TikTok. I just don’t have the power to make sure only people who can mentally take it see it. I just have to do my best to educate people on how reality shifting works so delusions or misunderstandings are hopefully easier to spot.
I absolutely thank you for the thoughtful message and if I brought up more concerns let me know.
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kdramachitchat · 3 years
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Hometown Cha Cha Cha episode 3 recap: Hyejin goes on a roadtrip to Seoul and takes care of a patient
Short trip to Seoul
Hyejin invites Dusik and the 3 ladies a trip to Seoul. While driving Hyejin gets into a road rage one of the elder ladies gives the driver who caused a close accident a piece of her mind too. During the trip of course there will be eventual rest stops and bathroom breaks which turns out to be hilarious especially when they bought older music, played it in the car too. Hyejin tells the ladies about her parents when they talk about their family histories. She doesnt have alot of patience and is late. Dusik thanks her for driving the ladies despite her annoyed complaints. Dusik has business in Seoul too, she drops him off and he forgot about his phone. Dusik visits a dentist psychiatrist clinic.
Hyejin attends a dental conference. They all brag about their practices and Hyejin lied about the quality of her dental practice saying that she works in a hospital, also how the seaside is more developed. Hyejin continues to mock them and accidentally meets Dusik. Dusik tells her that he saw her invitation inside the car hence knowing her location. Whiel they were talking, one of her acquaintances saw them both and took photos. While driving around Seoul, Hyejin and Dusik competes themselves about their preferred home. Hyejin says that Seoul is better while Dusik prefers the seaside and tells her how suffocating Seoul is with all the buildings. He got a point. Not everyone is meant for either the city life or the seaside. These 2 are totally polar opposites. Dusik asks her to drop him off at the restaurant as there’s an emergency meeting.
When she returned. One of her acquaintances asks her who the man in the photo is and Hyejin doesnt respond at a classroom groupchat. She defends herself and tells them that he’s not her boyfriend. Zooms in on the photo and tells herself that its not cute, but her expression tells different. A flashback scene of Dusik falling asleep in her car. She feels bad for his uncomfortable sleeping position and adjusts his seat. Dusik notices and he remembers that moment. At night, Dusik had a nightmare and we dont know what. He wakes up and drinks some sort of pills. Maybe it was the reason for him visiting Seoul? Does he have a past that we dont know?
Treating Gamri
As dentist and doctors they dont like patients wasting their time. If they come for a checkup they have to pay. Gamri who is pain wants a implant complaints how the fee is expensive and wants to remove her weak teeth. Since she doesnt want to spend on her treatment and tells them to leave. Respect the doctor’s time, they would rather have time with patient who’s willing to pay and pay attention to rather than not. Dusik complains why she’s rude to Gamri.
He eventually paid for Gamri’s treatment but she threw water at him clearly annoyed and tells him to get lost. Dusik convinces Hyejin to treat Gamri since he’ll be paying. Tells her that Gamri’s completely selfless and yet doesnt take care of herself. Hyejin tells him that Gamri is selfish but defends her and says that she’s the most selfless woman that he’s ever met.
Dusik defends her saying that she burdens herself to take care of her children. Hyejin doesnt understand and its frustrating to watch. She tells him that parents being healthy for a long time is what a good parent is to their kids. So when the kid grows up they wont struggle taking care of their parents. Hyejin has a different upbringing so she couldnt relate. They shouldnt endure the pain just so they could save money for their children. Because in the end children will have to take care of them. Hyejin gets teary eyed and emotional when mentioning this. Leaving Dusik teary eyed too and in shock by her response. A flashback memory of Hyejin and her mother. She sees her mother struggling in pain in the bathroom without her mother knowing that she saw the incident. She was very young when it happened. Then the time they were in Seoul, Dusik observed Hyejin watching a mother-daughter and remembered her saying to him that her mother passed away. He inwardly thinks that Hyejin lied to him and obviously she still remembers her mother.
Dusik gets to know her from this alone and understands her view point. Pains to see that Hyejin didnt really had a good childhood and care. Dusik visits Gamri the next day. Tells her that someone told him advice and repeats Hyejin’s words to Gamri. Gamri thinks about his words and i think she’ll do the treatment. Also the reason why Dusik is paying for Gamri’s treatment is because the son refuses to pay. Hyejin complains about the food she eats and notices how the food is difficult to chew. She probably was reminded of Gamri.
Hyejin sees Gamri’s name and meets her infront of her house and Gamri invites her into her home. Gamri showed her appearance at a tv show. It showecase her father who finally gets recognized as a military man who fought for the country’s independence. The piece of certificate has chinese characters that Gamri couldnt read. Gamri new Dusik as a young boy and read the characters for her. He also showed up in the recorded tape. The taping was aired 2 years ago and Gamri tells her that she was named after the flag. Gamri was very proud of her father. They enjoyed their time together and Hyejin enjoyed her meal. Gamri tells her for driving her to Seoul.
Every visit has a reason, Hyejin tells her that she will give Gamri a discount for the materials that will be used. Hyejin tells her to keep it a secret for the reputation of her clinic. Hyejin tells her that she found out that her favorite food is squid and is reminded of her own mother. She eventually helps her with her implants. Gamri probably noticed and tells her that Dusik likely said something to her to make her change her mind. Gamri tells her Dusik is kind but so nosy. Hehe. Hyejin agrees. Gamri tells her that Dusik hung the bell that she likes so much.
The next day Gamri eventually visits the clinic on her own & pays for the entire fee. Gamri reports to Dusik about her implants and Dusik is shocked by her statement. She complains about her anesthesia wearing off. Dusik is very happy that she got treated and tells him that Ms Yoon visited her and offered her a discount. Gamri tells him that she may look cold as ice but she’s a softie. Gamri tells him that she probably been through alot in her life.
Dusik goes to Hyejin’s house after she reported that her lights went out and apologizes to her for judging her. He finally found the other pair of her shoes and returned it to her. Her lights went back on too. Hyejin tells him that she made a mistake, hopefully after earning money she’ll eventually return to Seoul. But i bet Dusik is hoping that she wouldnt and stay.
The epilogue: Dusik found her other pair of shoes while fishing. It was hiding behind the log. Hahaha. Dusik also makes an effort by searching how to clean up the shoe. Dusik also brought the other pair of shoe when Hyejin wasnt looking and sneaked it back to her shoe closet!
Episode 3 - Dont judge the book by it’s cover. Sometimes the way people act is because they were affected from their past. Hyejin is a good person but sometimes her actions comes off wrong and rude but Dusik sees the light in her and treats her better only when she does treat others better too.
Parents also have the right to live the way they want. They earned it but children will always be their priority but in the end it shouldnt be the end of their own life, not caring for themselves. Take care of yourself then you can take care for others
I also love the hedgehog reference. I always wonder when they're going to bring that up! Theyre sharp on the outside but once being cared for they're soft animals. Hyejin is just misunderstood and Dusik is slowly realizing it.
Honestly find the drama really slow and i understand why some may find this boring but i do appreciate the subtle character development each episode. Dusik seem to slowly be more nice and caring towards Hyejin too. Im not entirely sure about this drama. Its definitely more character driven than plot development and its slower compared to other healing dramas. There isnt much going on but hopefully there’s more to it than what they’re showing.
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khaotickae · 3 years
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WE THE NORTH WEEK 2K21 - DAY 004
↬ sadness = henlia ↫
*cries and cries and cries... and then cries some more*
honestly. this whole story. the path of henry and talia, of the bell-armstrongs and armstrongs to get to this point was such a great story, it was such a great rallying amongst players to figure out how to get it donewhen characters were left in a lurch. talia went through some revamps, henry switched a couple of jobs. but they found their final forms. the badass record exec and the wholesome author, both raising such a great family as part of a great family.
family dynamics are underrated a lot in rp but its not underrated at all on wtn which i think is great. that the site builds off more than just romantic relationships. (i know i'm raving a lot about elle this year but she deserves it) but this was a ship that was essentially something she was doing on her own with a couple of people who would step in to write henry when he was needed. henry would be there with friends and family too. he helped develop plots, helped to get them to where they needed to be so that there was no scrambling. so there was no waiting for someone to take an ad when the bell-armstrongs were left without a patriarch. and i think that's something so lovely about this site as well.
i think there are two reasons that henlia is sadness for me this year. its not only because henry died and that everything thread i read or am apart of breaks my heart with the emotional depth from everyone involved. it hurts so much to read talia, hudson, sienna, vince, nick and samson. it hurts my heart to write tez having to watch it all unfold with vince and emilia. they were my pain prompt because it doesn't hurt the same way when something is so immensely sad and the way it just makes you want to cry, it just breaks you. and this isn't something that's going to go away, its going to stick with these characters and shape them. a son, a brother, a father, a husband, a good man. all of it, affected so many people on the site. i personally have three at least, who will feel this in some way for years to come.
i was on the edge of my seat with zelda/henry/simon and then it got sad and i cried. and then there was the talia/zelda thread which ruins me. my heart hurts. dont get me started on the bell-armstrongs thread (i cried just this morning at 5am) or the cortez-armstrong one. elle, devv and kat, are doing something so good with the brothers too i just can't. i know emma has some out there that i haven't ventured to yet. and there's so much more. i’m in for the long run with plot and it’s shock waves.
everyone has written such beautifully sad posts about this, but talia really makes me hurt. and i think this is because i've spent a couple years at this point writing henry, falling in love with henry and falling in love with how much henry was in love with talia and how much she loved him. he technically wasn't my character, but i call a third of him mine, he's in my drop down menu. so there's this connection that i have to him and its sad to see him pass on. one of my favourite things to write with henry was his love for talia, its the kind of love you want for yourself. which tbh i played myself because it made this hurt all the more. i've known this was coming, to some degree but it didn't make it any easier at all. i feel like i'm going through the stages of grief along with these characters.
thanks to @ellectricmuse for letting me be a part of this journey. shout out to @charlieweasleyy and @the-dcrkling for helping to make henry the man he was. and if any of the armstrongs/bell-armstrongs need anything i've got chars that are here for you.
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