do u ever just think about 911 and the incredible stories they've told and the sheer number of people you've met because you decided to watch it one day?

do u ever think abt how many people decided to get back into art, writing, reading, and so much more because of one tv show?

have u stopped and taken a step back lately, taken in the scope of the show from its inception til now, and just... appreciated how much love and growth and connections have been made; not just the characters, but the show itself, how its not only grown legs but started to walk?

i feel like ive said it a lot, and seen it said, that 911 isnt just a show to me, and in these post-season-finale days it's like it's being drilled into me. whether or not you like every single plot or character arc, you really can't deny the amount of thought and care has gone into these characters.

i mean, just the fact we got an eddie begins before a buck begins - that they were willing to postpone one of these foundation episodes for a character who's been there from the start, simply because they wanted to do it justice - to me that just shows how much attention they give to these characters in the writers room. it's not a single episode that matters, it's all of the episodes, the experiences that shape and inform these characters and bring them to life on screen

and im going to get on my soapbox here for just a second but... if you cant see that? if your sole enjoyment of this incredibly crafted show hinges on whether two people get together? if you have to go running to any blog that will listen just for some reassurance that someone else out there has doubts?

man, idk how to tell you this, but maybe you should take a breath. try to remember what you liked about the show before you shipped anyone at all.

ok now im hopping off my soapbox and if i get any anons questioning my ships ill direct u to my ao3 tyvm

HEYYYY i read some of ur works and ur like a rlly good writer and i was wondering if u can make a fic where minho is playing league and y/n is all tired but cant fall asleep without him (as usual) and so hes so soft for her so ofc he lets her sit on his lap while he plays and she gives him a head massage and he falls even more in love w her so he eventually turns off the game but is already so comfortable that they just end up falling asleep on the chair and both wake up w neck pain and bickering abt whos fault it is💀

neck cramps

a/n. eeeeerrr i hope it will meet your expectations bc?? i don’t know what to think about this one 😭

you stepped into the room, a soft purple light from the leds making minho’s face appear more softer. you smiled at that… before you realised what he’s doing.

“felix oh my god! you suck at this game!” lino yelled out, only to burst out laughing.

you stepped closer and tapped his shoulder, a frown on your face.

your boyfriend turned around, his features softening upon seeing you.

“what’s wrong?” he asked, tilting his head. he already had his headpiece moved so one of his ears was uncovered. he always did, just in case you needed something. just like now.

“i can’t fall asleep… you promised you’ll finish like… hour ago” you huffed and took a glance at the screen. and the tiny character moving around… or whatever was going on in the game.

“boo hoo, now come back or i’ll kick you out” han’s voice sounded up in his ears.

“i’m sorry” he sent you an apologetic look and muted himself (god forbid them hearing him all soft for you) “if you want you can stay with me for a bit and then we’ll go to sleep, okay? i promise i’ll be quick”

“you better be or else next time i’m cuddling dori to sleep” you huffed, a smirk tugging at your lips. minho shifted a bit, allowing you to plop down comfortably on his lap.

“just… be aware that they can get loud sometimes” lino hummed and looked you in the eye. you nodded lazily. before unmuting himself and going back to the game, he placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

while resting your face in the crook of his face, delighting his embrace, your fingers sneaked up to his neck. at first you just mindlessly played with the ends of his hair. ever since they started preparing for comeback, he kept his hair longer and you absolutely loved that.

you couldn’t help but snooze off a bit, listening to his friends’ voices. your hand traveled a bit up, massaging his scalp gently. and minho tried his best to calm down his racing heart.

“hey man you’re there?” felix’s sudden question made him snap back to reality… even though he didn’t even realise he’s spacing away.

because you’re just here, sleeping practically with your breath tickling his neck and you expect him not to… be stunned?

“yeah, yeah… sorry” he mumbled and placed a quick peck on your hair “i think i’ll get going”

“is it because of y/n? with all due respect… you’re no fun” jeongin spoke up, earning a giggle from all of them

“shut up. we’ll talk once you get a partner, brat” lino huffed and left the game “night night”

he closed all the apps and carefully took off the headphones. minho looked at you in awe, your quiet snoring making him smile gently.

now, he could wake you up and carry you to bed. but… he’s too lazy… besides, he’s comfortable like that!

with one slow spin and one hand holding you, he reached a blanket that he kept in case he got cold and covered you.

with one last kiss on your head, he leaned his neck against the heading and closed his eyes. god, he’s so whipped for you.

in fact, he’s so whipped that he let his neck suffer for the whole day (that’s what he says, at least).

“it’s your fault!” you whined, placing a hand on the back of your neck

“you suffocated me!” he groaned, copying your gesture. you punched his arm, bursting into laughter.

“are you suggesting i’m too heavy?! i’m offended. to death!” a dramatic huff left your mouth and you crossed your arms, looking away. the morning light shone through the curtains, making lino look up at you in awe (as always though)

“what am i supposed to do for you in order to forgive me?” he let out a deep sigh, fighting a smile

“a neck massage. and a big kiss” you grinned.

“i guess i can do that. however, i still stand by the face that you are the reason of our–“ he started teasingly

“oh just kiss me already” you chuckled and pulled him closer by his hoodie.

if his league game sessions were always to end up like that, he’s ready to play it all the time. despite the neck cramps.

[ masterlist <3 ]

taglist. @geniejunn ,, @luvhyun3 ,, @starlostseungmin ,, @elviransworld ,, @jnks6r ,, @sieunsgf ,, @ethereallino ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @duolingofanaccount ,, @slytherinshua ,, @stxrseungs ,, @ka-ni-ma ,, @iliveforlixie ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @mark-geolli ,, @l3visbby ,, @w3bqrl ,, @ddeonudepressions ,, @yourfavoritefreakyhan ,, @cinnamoroxie ,, @kazmura

am sick so if you'd like to speak some suitehearts/killjoys thoughts to me i would love to hear them :P

im sorry ur not feeling well :(( heres a (too goddamn long sorry) summary of all the suitehearts Thoughts i was struck with in latin earlier to hopefully make you feel a bit better <33

so first i was just thinking abt Benz and how hed get roped into the show via threats from bli and then i was like ohhh okay what if they offer him a lab space/equipment to do whatever experiments/research he wants if they agree to being on the show. bc like at this point its abundantly clear that hes not gonna work for them by making new drugs as originally planned but they dont want to risk losing his potential (and they wanna show that theyre still fucking in control) so they make them this "deal" (which theyve really got no other option to take if they dont wanna die) and he gets this lab and figures he can find a way of counteracting blis bullshit sort of in secret bc he knows hes never gonna be able to get this equipment anywhere else

AND THEN i started thinking abt how this would effect his relationship with everyone else on the show (namely Sandman and Donnie bc Crab atp basically just exists off set in a drugged up haze) and i started thinking that maybe thered be some tension there bc the others are either poor or poor AND heavily demoted from past positions of power, and they look at Benz with his higher education and seemingly wealthy lifestyle and they think hes an enthusiastic participant in the system thats fucked them both over. so maybe theyre both kinda dicks to them off set but im thinking Benz doesn't really care bc he doesnt hang around much anyways if they arent filming- hes gotta spend every possible second in the lab yk? and then i started thinking about what might push them all to really talk and become friends which led to THE fucking idea ever

so one day Sandy and Donnie are looking for Benz in his dressing room bc they were supposed to start filming like fifteen fucking minutes ago god Benz this isnt just your show stop being so fucking selfish and come do your job- but they stop as just outside the door as they very clearly hear Benz arguing with someone important and they're saying something about a deal? and Benz sounds pissed saying this wasnt in the agreement and they said he could research whatever he wanted and they cant just do this- if they take this from him hes done. he's walking. they already took everything else from him so if they dont let him have this then hes off the fucking show and they can just try and catch him when he runs. and Whoever theyre talking to is just like "lolz okay well if you're leaving guess were gonna have to recast everyone for 'consistency' so i guess all the others have no reason to be kept around anymore-" and its like. a VERY clear threat on the rest of the Suitehearts' lives and Benz fucking freaks out. he backtracks immediately apologizes for speaking out says they can take his research he doesnt care jesus just dont bring them into this they didnt even do anything

so then Sandy and Donnie are like "ohhh What The Fuck :D" and they kinda feel like assholes for making assumptions bc clearly this isnt the first time Benz has been threatened (and its very much implied that blis gone through with last threats when he wasnt compliant) and theyve both already had their own shit building up and their hatred for bli was already basically at the tipping point already so yeah. they confront Benz and Benz tells him that theyd been trying to develop a sort of blocker for bli's pills. something people in the city can take to negate their effects. he didnt even know if it was possible or if he was on the right track with his research but apparently bes gotten close enough to something for bli to have to step in now. and the other two are obviously like ?????? WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU LITERALLY INVENTED A WAY TO FREE PEOPLE FROM BLIS CONTROL WHAT THE SHIT WE HAVE TO HELP YOU SAVE THAT SHIT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

and Benz is all like "well technically idk if ive invented shit yet bc i haven't actually tested the drug on anyone" and the others are like "bet okay you need a test subject? lets yoink Crab". Benz is incredibly fucking against doing that bc Consent and Ethics. he lets it slip that he does have a stash of the drug already made and hidden in his apartment and hes just gonna test the shit on himself but Sandy and Donnie are noooot fucking having it bc "dude. you understand they arent gonna let you go after this right? even if they keep you alive, they are gonna start tightening the reigns and pumping you full of shit and then youre gonna be the one who needs the blockers" and yeah they really do have a point there so Benz agrees to join them on the escape plan theyve been devising (which side note. yeah those two were planning on running away together anyways but thats a different post probably-) and what follows is the most stressful fucking two weeks of all of their lives as they start discreetly gathering the shit theyll need to leave all while having to wrap filming this season and dealing with management watching their every fucking move and making vague ominous comments about "the future of their careers" AND theyre slipping Crab these new fucking pills and having to keep a close eye on them and keep them calm as theyre slowing coming out of their trance and realizing Oh Fuck Im In The City

and then like. it all comes to a head and they very publicly are chased by a bunch of crows in costume bc they end up having to fin in the middle of filming and i havent thought much abt this lart yet so yeah. thats what i spent all of latin thinking abt I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON KAZ <333

— FUSHIGURO MEGUMI || THANK YOU FOR STAYING

↳ featuring : fushiguro megumi from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of blood, mention of injury, mention of death and grammar issues

↳ form : imagine

↳ published : 18 january

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 1.6k

↳ request : AAAA YOUR FINALLY OPENN <3 um so for starters i was thinking abt the same scenario for the s/o, where the s/o was megumi’s gf. team tokyo was seeing your *dead* body lying on the ground, not knowing that your actually trying to use the reverse technique slowly. megumi felt he failed at protecting you, when you’re actually still alive but reviving. eventually he came to you, crying, and just kept saying “please dont leave me” “i cant afford to loose anything” “please”. IM SORRY IF ITS TOO SPECIFIC 😭😭 i really want some fluff+angst rn LMAOO. thankyou!! <33

↳ barista’s notes : hello hello hello ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ i had to remove a tiny bit of your request because it is a spoiler for non jujutsu kaisen manga readers ʕᴥ·　ʔ and don’t worry if you think you’re being too specific, i will try my best to make the perfect cup of  coffee for you ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ but other than that, i hope you enjoy you cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and you��re welcome back anytime!

“Y/N, wake up please”

However, no matter how desperate he sounded nor how loud he was. You were non-responsive.

The grass below your body was struggling to soak up all the blood that had been spilt from your unknown wound caused by the special grade curse that you were fighting against.

No one knew how the curse was able to get into the premises of the battlefield of the Kyoto Sister-School Goodwill Event, let alone how it managed to get anywhere near Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College. However, right now, all Fushiguro knew was that you were in critical condition as you continued to stay silent to his pleas.

“This ain’t some joke Y/N, wake up!” Fushiguro shouted in agony as he lifted your body into his arms, searching for any source of warmth from you that he was desperate to hold. Yet, you were just stone cold.

Frantic, Fushiguro began to search around your body to see if he could find the injury that was the final blow that you took, but there was no visible presence of one leading to the shikigami sorcerer’s anxiety to heighten as he began to wonder what really happened to you. What could have the special curse did that causes you to fall into a coma? A coma right? You were just in a coma? You weren’t dead? You couldn’t be dead?

“Megumi, she’s….Y/N is..” Maki began to stutter, afraid of the junior’s reaction to what she would have to announce as she began to reach out to him, leading Fushiguro to turn to look at her with tears welled up in his eyes which led Maki to look at him with widened eyes.

Never once she ever saw the green-eyed sorcerer have a single tear in his eyes as well as the rest of the sorcerers behind her as they stared at the situation that was happening right in front of them. On the other hand, they weren’t really surprised at the fact that you were the one that brought those same tears into his precious eyes. 

You were the first person to ever make them see Fushiguro smile.

Itadori remembered it as clear as day. It was when he had first met you at Harajuku around the same time when he first met Kugisaki. To his surprise that day, you weren’t the new student that they were meeting but rather a current student at the school he newly attended, it was just that you weren’t the one chosen to collect Sukuna’s finger at Sendai that day due to you having a mission of your own.

                                              ꕥ

“So, you’re the infamous student that ate Sukuna’s finger?” you commented, as you walked towards the two students who were waiting in front of the station Gojo has told you to meet everyone at - but to no shock or surprise from you, the said teacher was not there to greet you.

“Oh? Are you the new student we are waiting for?” Itaodori kindly asked, as he took another bite out of his ice popsicle leading to your boyfriend, who was standing next to the salmon-haired boy, to have a say in the newly started conversation.

“No, this is L/N Y/N, she’s a first-year student like us, she enrolled at the same time as me,” Fushiguro informed the boy leading you to kindly smile at him while holding up a peace sign to seem more friendly.

“I’m Itadori Yuji, I’m from Sendai,” Itadori greeted you as he pointed at himself, causing you to nod your head before asking both the boys where your extremely tall teacher was, only for them to shrug at you indicating they had no idea on where Gojo was at all.

‘He probably is buying snacks or something ha?’

“Now it ain’t just the two of us ha Megumi?” you playfully asked your boyfriend as you poked his cheek, leading him to send you a side glance only for a giggle to be your response. Although it was a small interaction, Itadori was able to instantly pick up on something that confused him slightly.

“L/N, why did you call Fushiguro by his first name and not his family one?” Itadori asked in curiosity as he wondered how you were really friendly with the usually grumpy sorcerer. Turning to look at your new classmate, you smiled at him and quickly answered by saying, “no reason really, he just allowed me to since we’re really good friends,”.

Knowing Fushiguro, you knew he probably didn’t want to reveal the fact that you and him were in a relationship to Itadori too early into his newfound friendship with him, so you decided that it was the best for now to tell your new classmate that you two were really good friends.

On the other hand, what you didn’t see was how Fushiguro was looking at you. The shikigami user really appreciated the fact that you weren’t the type to tell the whole world about the both of you since he was a person that thought that not everyone needed to know if he was in a relationship or not leading to a small smile to dawn his face with a hint of adoration in his eyes as he stared at you.

Which was caught by the sights of Itadori Yuji.

                                             ꕥ

However in his sights right now was not the same expression Fushiguro had that day. But how he wished it was. All Itadori could see right now was fear, desperation and regret in Fushiguro’s emerald eyes as he was holding onto your body like he was gripping the small amount of life that you could possibly have left in your body.

“Please don’t leave me,” Fushiguro muttered in a brittle tone, as he gently shook you, not giving up on the fact that you could have a chance of waking up. Not giving up the chance that he gets to see your beautiful eyes. Not giving up the chance that he gets to see your bright smile. Not giving up on the chance that he gets to see you alive.

“I’m sorry for not protecting you, please just wake up, I can’t lose you too,” Fushiguro begged as sorrowful tears began to lightly hit your cheeks with his throat slowly closing up leading to a slight struggle in breathing. Fushiguro slowly and regrettably came to the realisation that you were now gone, leading to a river of guilt that uncontrollably began to flow down to which caused the grade two sorcerer let out a pained scream as his friends from behind looked at the scene with a broken heart.

Gripping on to your body, Fushiguro held your body against his chest and his face was hidden in the crook of your head wanting to hold you for one last time before you were fully taken away from him.

“Hey….Mimi”

Now he was hallucinating. Fushiguro was now hearing your voice as if you were calling out to him. He couldn’t help but fully accept that fact that you were dead and there was no chance you could possibly be calling out his nickname that he hated so much but was so desperate to hear again if he could.

Suddenly to his shock, Fushiguro felt a light but tight grip on his school jacket leading him to slowly pull away with widening eyes to a hand on his jacket causing him to look up to notice your eyes slowly begin to open, showcasing the coloured orbs that the shikigami user was so desperate to see.

“Mimi….it’s really hard to….concentrate using reverse curse energy….when you’re tightly gripping on to me,” you slowly commented with a small smile on your face, to which then you slowly began to sit up only to fall back into his arms due to exhaustion of using a magnitude of your curse energy to heal the injury that the special curse managed to wound you with.

“Y/N!” everyone shouted, as they crouched down to have a clear view of what they were seeing. To their complete astonishment, you were fully awake with a smile on your face leading everyone’s hearts to fill with joy as they were relieved that you were here right in front of them alive and well.

Kugisaki couldn’t help but instantly let tears of complete joy flow down her cheeks as she launched herself on top of you, tightly hugging you close to her releasing all the agonising tension that she was holding in the second she saw your once lifeless body in Fushiguro’s arms.

Gently lifting up one of your arms to Kugisaki’s body to comfort her, you slowly turned your head to stare up at the pair of emerald eyes that were looking at you with such relief and radiance, leading to your other hand that was previously gripping his jacket to then be placed on his cheek as you used your thumb to caress it to help him slowly come back to reality.

To be honest, you could tell he needed it right now. At the beginning of the Kyoto Sister-School Goodwill Event, you, Fushiguro and Kugisaki were utterly dumbfounded at the fact that Itadori was alive and well after 2 months of assuming that he was dead after Sukuna ripped out his heart and now you somehow you ‘came back alive’ after sustaining a serious injury of your neck being slashed - you knew seeing two people being revived was not what you saw every day.

“I’m sorry for scaring you like that,” you whispered to Fushiguro as you lightly brushed the remaining tears he had on his cheek leading to the stoic sorcerer to softly place his forehead against yours as he began to savour the warmth that he thought he had lost.

“Thank you,’ Fushiguro muttered as he closed his eye tightly, holding in the new coming tears that were threatening to flow down leading to your hand that was on his cheek to be now placed on the back of his neck as your fingers began to caress his hair to help calm him down even further.

“Thank you for staying”

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

3 moments between the crow couples during their time at hogwarts

1. an unknown part of wylan and jesper’s somewhat disastrous amortentia story comes moments after jesper pulled wylan in for a kiss by his tie, causing the rest of their classmates to erupt in cheers and applause so loud that professor snape’s “boys! in the hall, now!” went unheard. minutes later, when they had actually been led out of the classroom to wait for their punishment, wylan finally worked up the courage to meet jesper’s eyes, his face almost as red as his hair. jesper’s grin was radiant. “so. butterbeer and my cologne, huh?”

it took all of wylan’s nerve to not sink into the ground where he stood. “i didn’t know today’s lesson was on amortentia,” he muttered, feeling himself flush again.

it took all of jesper’s will not to kiss the younger again right there where he stood with the way the redhead was looking up at him from beneath his long lashes.

“well, what about you?” wylan demanded, rolling his eyes. “let me guess. cards, pumpkin juice, and galleons?”

“no, actually.” jesper replied, spinning his wand in his hand. “i smell grass. gunpowder. and...”

he took a step closer to wylan who stood still, holding his breath. “...and?” the third year asked quietly.

“exploding elixir.”

wylan’s mind shut down.

“the entire room was filled with the same smell from that day we singed snape’s hair,” jesper snorted. “of all things, we had to mess up the potion that smelled like burnt-”

it was wylan who pulled jesper down this time, reaching up on his tippy toes to meet jesper’s soft lips, the ones that had captivated him from the moment he had walked into the potions classroom and saw his new lab partner for the first time.

“fahey, van eck!” snape burst into the hallway. “does it seem possible to keep your hands off of each other?”

“sorry, prof.” jesper winked, eyes still trained on wylan’s mouth. “guess you can say we’ve got...chemistry.”

wylan couldn’t even bring himself to care about detention.

2. nina stifled a laugh, trying to keep a straight face as she watched matthias scan the inside of zonko’s joke shop. she had just gotten matthias to admit that he enjoyed a drink as sweet as butterbeer, hours earlier at the three broomsticks. “you look like you’re inside the shrieking shack, not a joke shop.” nina snickered at the way matthias perked up.

“whatever the shrieking shack is, i think that there’d be more dignity in such a place than...this.” matthias dropped a dungbomb he had picked up like it had personally offended his grandmother.  

“why?” nina giggled. she shook the box in her hand. “not a fan of ton-tongue toffees?”

matthias made a face that looked like he was more than just not a fan. “if it’s anything like those jelly beans you fed me on the train, then no.”

that only made nina laugh harder. “i swear you picked the worst ones! you should’ve seen your face when you tried the rotten egg flavor.”

matthias cracked a smile, relaxing a little amongst the colorful store and his girlfriend’s laughter. he picked up another product, a pink bottle corked at the top. “what does this one do?”

nina lowered her voice, gesturing for matthias to come closer, as if letting him in on a secret. “that one’s a love potion. one drop of it in someone’s drink and they’re yours,” she whispered. “they’ll think about you all day.”

matthias jerked away, putting the bottle back on the shelf. “you can’t be serious. love can’t be made like that!” he sputtered.

“i don’t know, durmstrang,” nina teased. “what if i bought one and slipped some in your pumpkin juice tomorrow at breakfast?”

matthias only crossed his arms, continuing to grimace. “well, that wouldn’t work at all.”

“why not? zonko’s is pretty reliable when it comes to their products.” she said pointedly, looking at the extendable ears on sale.

“because i’m already in love with you.” matthias stated simply.

nina froze, turning to her boyfriend. during her time dating matthias, the hufflepuff had proven to be narrow minded and straightforward as a broom doing any and every thing. it was moments like these she was reminded that this included during his expressions of affection, and nina couldn’t love him more for it.

“i’m in love with you, too.” she declared, slipping her hand into her boyfriend’s. she had always liked...brooms. “now, come on. i want to see if we can get kaz to fall for a trick wand.”

3. all inej had wanted was a quiet place to study that wasn’t the library. she liked to practice with her wand for transfiguration, and magic wasn’t allowed in the library. she had been wandering the school for an empty classroom or quiet corner when the room of requirement had appeared at the end of a hallway, exactly moments before she was about to give up and return to the gryffindor common room. she was only half surprised when she opened the door and saw kaz, but like always, kaz hadn’t seemed surprised at all when she entered. he sat on top of a desk with his cane leaned against it, wand out, in the middle of a silent spell. inej let her eyes trail over his robe perched on a chair, his gloves off and set aside in a rare moment, and his uniform sleeves pulled up to his elbows.

“first time here?” kaz asked, not looking up from the book in his lap. his rough voice echoed slightly in the large room as inej scanned her surroundings. the room was empty besides a couple of desks and chairs in one corner, a cluttered pile of objects in another, and a big wardrobe that looked ages old. a fireplace on the wall kept the room warm, and a small chandelier hung above inej’s head.

“guess i didn’t require much until now.” inej shrugged, pulling a desk and chair of her own towards the center of the room. “you?”

kaz closed his book, finally looking up at inej. “i come and go when i want.”

inej wanted to know more about what had revealed the room to kaz in the first place, but she redirected the question away from kaz himself, knowing it was unlikely he would answer. “get anything out of it?” with kaz, it was all about gain.

kaz drummed his fingers on his desk. inej tried not to stare. “some crying first years with who miss their mums. i think i’ve witnessed a bit of every couple in the school’s snogging.” he pulled out a handful of extendable ears from his robe pocket. “snape’s planning something. don’t know the details yet, but something big.”

inej nodded. part of her expected kaz to leave, speak with his silence as he tended to do, but he continued to sit and look at inej, book in lap. inej knew him well enough to recognize that while it wasn’t exactly an invitation, kaz wasn’t saying no to a conversation. she could’ve started with a less risky question about snape’s plans, or asked for the names of the couples in their year, just to know, but inej was curious about other things.

“and how did you find this place, kaz?”

“the de kappel painting.” he said casually. “i needed a place to hide it.”

inej froze, taken aback by kaz’s answer. or more accurately, his willingness to answer. “so it’s true?” she questioned, hoping her voice didn’t give away her surprise. “the gringotts vault rumor.” she had half believed them to begin with, knowing kaz’s abilities but never his motives. still, kaz had never confirmed it with anyone as far as she had known.

“true enough.” kaz reopened his book, attention back on the page. inej inwardly sighed. the satisfaction of knowing kaz trusted her enough to confirm the gringotts rumor didn’t last long. figures kaz wouldn’t want to talk much about himself.

“but that’s a story for next time.” kaz flipped a page, the slightest start of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

next time, inej turned over in her head. she tried not to smile as she opened her own book. she could work with next time.

author’s note (pls read!) this is my first time on tumblr so idk how to use it too well but i’m overwhelmed by all the nice responses so thank you all so, so much. i see everything!! idk if there’s like poll mechanisms and stuff on tumblr (argh help) but i wanted to gauge what everyone would like next—im deciding between six of crows x pjo or shadow and bone x harry potter, so comment below what you’d like to see first (: i’d also love to hear abt any personal requests so my dms (is that what they’re called here?) are open for suggestions. no promises, but lmk if there’s something you want to read. feel free to get as niche as you want, respectfully! ok ik this is super long god bless your soul if u actually read the entire thing but finally, i just wanted to introduce myself—i’m lynn, this is my library and i dabble in most fandoms! my goal is to get at least one piece of writing out every month, so if you’d like to read what i write, follow along! OK im finally done, i swear. thank you again for the tremendous support. unbelievable. happy reading!

heyy, I know that u are also currently doing the christmas countdowns prompts... But if u'd wanna, how abt Lucien teaching Mc something for work or actually anything! I absolutely love your writing and I hope u are happy,because your prompts made me always rllly happy😊

hahaha.... does this show how far behind in requests I am... sorry this is late but here it is, hope you like it x

Also this may not be entirely accurate, I am doing a science degree but I haven’t grown a bacteria culture in a petri dish for a while, and the last time I can remember I was in year 10 I think (14 years old), so this is what I remember doing, so it probably isn’t proper scientific procedure.

Title: dating a scientist has some perks Pairing: Lucien x MC Words: 1,273

You had come to the Loveland Research Centre as you had a half day and you were currently waiting for Lucien to finish up the last bits of his work, so you both could go home. You were sitting on the sofa for visitors and were sneaking glances at him secretly. However, Lucien had always been an observant individual, and he smiled noticing how conspicuous you were being. 

Raising his head, he put down his papers in hand, “Do you need something?”  

“Can I ask for some advice?” you bit your lip lightly, in slight hesitation as you didn’t want to bother him whilst he was working.

“Is it for a show?” Lucien quirked an eyebrow at you, and at your nod, he pushed his chair back a little from the table and held his hand out towards you.

You swung your legs out from under you, and then gingerly stood up walking towards your boyfriend. Placing your hand lightly in his, you let out a slight yelp of surprise as Lucien used his grip on your hand to pull you into his lap as a tangle of limbs. You squirmed in his embrace, and Lucien kept his arms loosely around you, keeping you where you were but allowing you to situate yourself to be more comfortable. Once you ceased your wriggling, Lucien pressed a kiss to your temple, and then waited for you to ask him for help. You unlocked your phone, bringing up the document that was relevant to the problem you were having.  

“We’re doing a program on how scientists like yourself analyse different diseases, so that the public can become more knowledgeable on the subject. The program we’ve outlined looks like this...” Lucien smiled lightly as you explained the show and it’s structure with clarity pointing out the highlights for him to consider, and he nodded, his heart full of pride for his girl, and he gave you another kiss, this time to your cheek, as a reward.

“So, what is the problem you are facing?” Lucien didn’t beat around the bush, and directly asked you what you needed from him, as he was always happy to help when it came to you.

“I’m just curious, how do you grow those bacteria plates; you know on those clear plates?” you asked, looking up at him, your curious eyes fixed on him.

“Do you want to grow one?” Lucien asked, figuring that the best way to teach you, was probably to show you.

You nodded excitedly and you hopped up, pulling Lucien up as well with your hands around his wrists, an amused expression painted his face as he led you to one of the free labs. After helping you suit up in the appropriate PPE (Personal Protection Equipment), including your own lab coat, goggles and nitrile gloves. You giggled, feeling a little silly dressing up with the help of your boyfriend, but when he was done, you posed dramatically for him, turning this way and that to show Lucien your figure in the lab coat.

“So, how do I look?” You threw a playful wink at him.

Lucien shook his head, releasing a huff of amusement, fixing the lapels of the lab coat, “It suits you very well.” he kissed your forehead lightly.  

Like the gentleman he is, Lucien held the door open for you and then after indicating you to sit down, he gathered the various tools from different cupboards, setting them out in front of you. You immediately reached towards the petri dish to open it, but you were stopped by Lucien’s hands covering yours.

“If you open it now, you won’t do it properly. We need to keep it sterile for as long as possible for the best results.” at you nod of agreement Lucien took a lighter out of his pocket, and passed the flame across the tip of a metal scraper a few times before explaining patiently, “All the equipment is stored properly but these just endures that it is completely sterile before we start.”  

Lucien then handed it carefully to you and you held it tightly, awaiting further instructions. Lucien then carefully opened the small bottle containing a bacteria sample, and under his watchful eye you scraped a small amount onto the metal scraper, lifting it up but keeping it far from your face and close to the bench. Then you scratched the jelly in the petri dish with the bacteria sample, after Lucien lifted the lid and then he closed it tightly. He then desterilized the metal scraper using the lighter to kill the bacteria and then placed it in a tray to be further sterilised by the technicians. You found a label and a pen and wrote the date and you name carefully upon it and then stuck it down, and Lucien helped you taped the lid securely, to ensure only your bacteria sample would grow.  

“Are we done?” Lucien looked up at your question, watching you as you squinted through the clear lid at the dish, wondering why nothing was happening.

Lucien knocked his knuckle lightly on the top of your head, “It needs at least a week to grow, so be patient and next week you can come back and see it.” he then held out his hand, and you placed it on his outstretched palm, and then Lucien went to put it where they kept the other lab cultures.

The next week went by so slowly for you, you had marked the date exactly one week from the day you had grown your lab culture and as you marked off the days you couldn’t help but claim to Lucien how slowly time was passing. Lucien would only smirk and continue to tell you to be patient, punctuating his statement with a kiss to either your temple or cheek. He had noticed that you had even been visiting him a lot more often at the research centre, claiming you were only “passing by”, and he knew you were just excited to see your hard work come to fruition.

Finally... finally, a week had passed, and you were bouncing with every step as Lucien led you into the lab. He handed you the petri dish nonchalantly, and he watched with affectionate eyes as you held onto the dish like it was made of gold. Lucien crouched slightly, pushing his head next to yours, and helped you lift the dish above you head so you could see the underneath, and you gasp was everything to him. Looking to the side, he saw your eyes glittering, a trembling finger ran across the plastic surface, running over the butter yellow circles, that Lucien explained in his calming tone were the bacteria cultures you had grown. Lucien loved the fact that you were so excited to take a step into his line of work and being able to teach you even a little of the work he often partakes in, made him really happy. After you had taken plenty of pictures of the bacteria culture on your phone and posted a picture to your moments, you placed the petri dish on the bench and threw yourself at Lucien, wrapping your arms on his neck, a bright smile stretched across your face.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” you babbled into Lucien’s neck, before pulling away slightly, standing on your tip-toes, “I know you’re busy, but I’ve always wanted to learn about this.”

Lucien shook his head, lowering his forehead to rest against yours, “It’s no trouble, like I said, if you ever need any help, I want to be the first person you call.”

im (relatively) new to your blog and i dont think i’ve heard much about your ocs!!! ik i’ve seen some art here and there but nothing super substantial :o would you introduce them? or if you wanted to go a but more in depth hmmm what are your most/least favorite thing(s) about each of them? c:

that is true, I havent posted abt them themselfs a lot! im still writing(something im not good at thats why its taking too long hsajhskaj) their personalities and adjusting their backstories here and there, i hope to post their full references soon :’) but yeah i can give some snipets!

UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I RAMBLED TOO MUCH

Salsa(Whiskers): call me self indulgent but yeah i made myself into a transformer and yeah i am writing stories and comics abt them, and is probably my most fleshed out oc. Salsa was always lost throught his life, having a small altmode with not many functionalities he always landed in jobs he wasnt happy with, when the decepticons started spreading their word around cybertron, salsa was interested and considered joining them! but as the conflict started to become more and more violent, he left the planet in the event called the Exodus lead by Dai Atlas and Tyrest. He couldnt handle the weight of the situation and had a breakdown, stole a small ship with all of he had left and launched himself into the vast expanses of space, adrift.

Cathexis: He was made as a MTO Decepticon soldier but his expertise in chemistry got him the attention of his superiors and he rose as a scientist specialized in explosives! Decepticon ideals were programmed in his brain module, but it started conflicting with his own ideals, something that led him to kill his supervisor and steal an important battle ship from the fleet. Cathexis was declared MIA, as the General didnt want to report such big losses to Megatron and covered any evidence left.

Flow: When he emerged in a Hotspot Near Ibex, he decided he wanted to be a famous racer when he watched Blurr for the first time. He believed Fame and Glory awaited for him and he wanted to get to the top as fast as he could. Alas he wasnt as skilled as he thought he was, that led him to cheating his way thought races, making the use of illegal upgrades and substances. But soon his world would fall around him, the races were canceled and he joined the Autobots. After he had a near death experience and the loss of a close friend in the hands of Turmoil he asked to leave the autobots. He was granted a ship and left with all of his posessions inside.

Salutem: She Emerged from a hotspot near Iacon with a wish to take care of others. She joined the Iaconian academy of science and technology and was dedicated to her studies, but among her classmates was a bot who had a rotten sense of empathy, who didnt care if their patients lived or died, as long as they got what interested them. After a bit of investigating salutem discovered that the bot was retrieving organs to sell to alien species and make a fortune. The deal wasnt theirs of course, they were but just a pawn. the one behind was a senator. Salutem tried to bring them to justice, but as the senator was a powerful figure she was blamed instead of the other bot, and suffered empurata. Shortly after she was expelled from the academy as now she was considered a criminal, after wondering for a few weeks she ended up in the Dead End where she met a kind doctor who had a clinic there. The doctor took her in and believed in her desire to take care and heal others. after the clininc was closed down and the doctor vanished, she joined the autobots in hopes of finding him again. A few years later she had her own unit, a team to call her family and a quiet place, as the outpost she was in was far from the current big conflict... or she thought. The Planet was targeted by the decepticons and salutem and her entire team were declared dead.

Geode: He used to work as a contruction bot back in old cybertron and lived peacefully with his conjux. he enjoyed his work and as a hobby he liked to map out the areas he was sent to. Geode heard about these decepticon guys here and there but didnt mind much, until things started heating up. he didnt like it at all. the decepticons were ruining his beloved planet, the things he built, the natural landscapes, his life, it was all starting to become more and more like a hell. He joined the autobots believing he would end with the menace that were the decepticons, and his size and sheer strenght helped him a lot. After suffering an injure that almost took his life, he was asked to step down. Geode agreed reluctantly, working as a cartographer and geologist to find and help strategize the best places for new bases. Now he was away from the war, it was peaceful, but it never left his mind that also meant the bot he cared for the most would now be far away from him at all times.

Snowtread: “The single most passionate and fiery bot I ever knew” are the words Geode uses to descibe him. Snowtread has a love for good cy-gars and making his conjux smile. He worked alongside Geode as a contruction worker, but unlike his lover, he was unhappy with how monotonous his life was. It wasnt really his given function that bothered him, but the lack of excitement it had. When he heard of the rising decepticons he was curious of what they were planning and kept a close eye on the news. When the senate was taken down and decepticon attacks were rising, he enlisted in the autobots with Geode. Finally he found his calling him in life, the excitmentof shooting enemies down, the thrill of battle! it was just what he desired his whole life! But during one of the cartoons against a decepticon base Geode was shot down and almost lost his life. Snowtread has never felt so desperate in his whole life ... Geode recovered, but he had a lasting injury. Geode wanted to keep going but snowtread begged him to step down, he would never forgive himself if anything like that happened to him again, because if it did ... Geode wouldnt make it. He knows how worried his conjux is of how careless he is, but now he isnt just fighting for the sake of fighting, he is fighting so that Geode can live peacefully.

this might not be their final backstories tho! things may change because im not entirely sure abt some things dsghjhaj

OH WOW I THINK I GOT CARRIED AWAY SORRYY

hi friends ! i’m farah nd im coming at u live frm the pst timezone to bring u a new muse of mine. so excuse me as i ramble abt holden under the cut. like this post and i will come bother u for plots?? that or u can im me on here or on my discord (farah#1263), whatever works rlly! anyways, super stoked to be here and to get to write with u all!!!!

(TOBY WALLACE, CIS MALE) - Have you seen HOLDEN DONAHUE? HOLDEN is in HIS JUNIOR year. The PHILOSOPHY MAJOR is 21 years old & is a TAURUS. People say HE is QUICK-WITTED, DARING, IRREVERENT and DETACHED. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that HIS FATHER PAID OFF THE SCHOOL TO CHANGE HIS GRADES AFTER HE FAILED FOUR CLASSES LAST SEMESTER FROM NEVER SHOWING UP.  (FARAH. 22. PST. SHE/HER.)

pinterest board / tag

holden grew up between upstate new york and manhattan in an extremely wealthy family. from the outside, his family had the appearance of perfection, but underneath that facade lay years of shocking and hidden family secrets that one way or another got out into society, even if his family tried to put them down as merely rumors.

his father is a highly respected but also deeply feared business man/media magnate known for his cutthroat attitude in his business dealings and personal relationships. he had an extremely difficult childhood, having been orphaned at a young age and passed from relative to relative around europe, many of whom were not very kind to him. still, he was incredibly intelligent and wanted to make something of himself, having this belief in the american dream and wanting to move there if he ever got the chance. after attending college on a scholarship, he was able to use his connections and move to new york, where he founded his own start-up that eventually led to him building his own personal fortune.

his mother was very much a hustler. she grew up poor in new york and at an early age, learned how to use her good looks to manipulate men for the finer things in life. she had a short stint as a model before she met holden’s father, charming him enough to call it quits with his first wife. underneath her obvious beauty, however, was a fiery temper and substance abuse problem. the thing about her was that she really wasn’t made to be a wife and mother. holden’s father thought he could turn her into this perfect socialite/housewife (marrying her and then proceeding to have his older brother, cal, and holden in a very short span of time), but the task proved impossible. she was always only looking out for herself and didn’t enjoy being tied down, certainly not with kids to take care of despite the nannies his father provided. they fought constantly, and their home life was extremely unstable. it was a normal occurrence for holden to see his mother being dragged off to an institution by his father’s security guards or for his mother to use him and his brother as bait to get his father to give her money for drugs, to leave him, or sometimes just to try and get back with him.

eventually, she finally did leave, having told holden and his brother the three of them were moving to los angeles, but leaving without them and dying of a drug overdose shortly after. holden was about six at the time and thinks he has successfully hidden this entire episode from his memory, but it’s definitely something that affects him whether he likes it or not.

although his family claims this was merely just a rumor, it was often said that there was some foul play behind her death and that his father had some involvement, not wanting her to ever leave him and move on with her life. while holden deep down may admit that this could be the case, it’s never something he would really say.

at this point, his father rarely talks about his mother and when he has, he has poisoned her memory so much, holden feels like he never really had one. when he was younger, he’d often make up stories about her in his head, which were far different than who she actually was. it helped at the time, but after a while it was easier to just forget her altogether.

while his father cares deeply for his children and has provided them a life of ease and luxury, he’s certainly not innocent in all of this mess. he’s extremely manipulative and often psychologically traumatizing to them as well. he often finds his children to be lazy and ungrateful and resents the way they’ve been raised (even though it was his own doing), while he suffered from poverty and abuse in his own childhood. he often pits the two of them against each other, always trying to see who’s the stronger, smartest, who will do whatever it takes to be the best, especially because there’s always talk about who’s going to be the one to be the one who’s going to take over when he retires. it is usually said to be his older brother, because it’s no secret that he’s his father’s favorite.

because of this, holden and his brother never really got along. or so it seems. they did when they were younger, but their hatred runs so deep that the even thought of that feels like a distant reality. they’re only two years apart, but they couldn’t be more different. while his brother is a complete perfectionist and will do just about anything to please his father, holden gave up on that idea along time ago. it didn’t matter what he did, he never seemed to be able to measure up against his brother. maybe it was because he was younger, maybe it was because he was more sensitive and seemed to feel things at a deeper level, maybe it was because he wasn’t as competitive, or maybe there was no explanation why his father simply liked cal better. holden’s never seemed to figure out. he’s always felt like the screwup of the family, so eventually that’s what he became.

he started drinking and using drugs at an early age, basically trying anything to mask his pain and trauma. while his brother excelled academically and in sports in high school, holden never applied himself. he fell in with the wrong crowd and gave up his spot on the football team to run around the streets of new york and engage in all kinds of debauchery. it was common for him to disappear for days on end, spending his father’s money and racking up drug and gambling debts. obviously his father wasn’t happy about this and would constantly remind him of that, but he didn’t exactly do anything to stop him either. if this was a cry for help or attention, it didn’t exactly have the desired effect and only left holden feeling empty. 

he started dating this older hippie girl who was in college while he was a senior in high school who influenced him to want to detach from his family and money and the crowd he was running in. he kind of... took it to the extreme and started talking like timothee chalamet in lady bird lmao, even though he reeked of privilege. honestly, it was just another way to annoy his father and brother, which was always his goal at the time. they ended up breaking up because he cheated on her, but he kept some of her ideas and mindset afterwards.

after high school, he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do. so he ran off to europe for a year and didn’t talk to anyone from home. just traveled around by himself with little money and getting into all kinds of trouble. he probably would’ve stayed longer, but one morning he came across an american newspaper while he was in greece reporting on how his father had suffered a heart attack. he rushed back to the states and luckily his father has survived, but in that moment of weakness he manipulated him into attending college. his father pulled some strings and got him into yates, and while it isn’t exactly his idea of fun, he’s taking it day by day and looking it as another way to push back actually having to enter the real world.

~ personality wise ~

acts like he hates his family, new york, and everything that comes attached with money and privilege, but completely reaps the benefits of all these things when he can. claims everything having to do with high society is vapid and that he wants more out of life.

a bit of a compulsive liar. will make up fake identities and pretend to be other people or tell people he doesn’t know some sob story about growing up poor. rlly just gets off on stuff like that and doesn’t tell the truth. like ever.

doesn’t always like people knowing how rich he is or who his father is. for those that do know, he doesn’t like to talk much about his family. probably won’t ever say a word about his mother.

has no real ambitions in life or any sort-of life plan. has switched his major at least 10 times and never goes to his classes.

very much a hedonist. likes to party and hates being alone. hooks up with too many people and finds it very difficult to be in any sort of real relationship. he’s just not reliable or faithful enough.

also goes through phases where feels like he doesn’t connect with people? or that he hates everyone?

always attracts chaos of some kind. black eyes from a fight over kissing someone’s girlfriend or owing his drug dealer money.

lives life day by day. doesn’t plan for the future. usually always drunk or high.

kind of... morally ambiguous. with the way he was raised, he doesn’t see life as black or white. it’s sort of grey. usually doesn’t do the right thing, usually doesn’t feel bad about it... but there is a heart there somewhere. he just doesn’t usually care enough to use it.

rlly tries to avoid feelings as much as possible. he’s actually quite a sensitive person, but after being constantly told that makes him weak by his father and having a robot of a brother he’s always felt ashamed by that. so he uses his vices to try and not feel things.

wanted plots

hook ups, fwbs, exes, someone he cheated on, friends, enemies, someone he owes money to, someone who knew him grew up and knows his family, someone he actually rlly cares about (romantic or platonic)...i’ll add more to this when i think of more things!

The Taste of Blood

So here’s that vampire AU for Sledgefu I talked abt a while back. It falls into the two other AUs I’ve created thus far, Horror Movie and NOLA. This specific vampire one is going under the Demolition Lovers AU tag (because yes, this was inspired by the first MCR album in part.) Title is taken from one of my fave tracks on the Only Lovers Left Alive soundtrack (another inspiration for this AU.)

This is another one that might have some sequels, I’m still playing with the idea based on some other sources of inspiration! In any case I don’t think I can leave it with just this one piece.

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“I think we should call my dad,” Eugene touched the mirror he was looking into, waiting for his reflection to appear, but it didn’t. “We’re both obviously sick. I mean...I can’t even see my reflection, and I know it’s there. It has to be.” 

Snafu moved behind him and peered into the mirror. “Where? I don’t see mine either.” 

“We’re both losin’ it,” Eugene muttered miserably. He didn’t want to call his dad, hadn’t even tried since he’d left to find Snafu in New Orleans. But he also didn’t want to go to any of the local doctors, and as it was they’d both started to develop an intense sensitivity to sunlight. Even if they’d wanted to see a doctor in town, they’d have to somehow convince one to make a house call at night. 

He moved back to the couch, where they’d both been sleeping for the past week since the trouble had all started, and picked up his glass of water. Neither of them could keep anything down, but they kept trying water in the hopes of at least being slightly hydrated. 

He sipped, and immediately gagged and brought it back up, nearly choking as his stomach contracted violently at the water inside of it. 

“Baby,” Snafu whimpered softly, pulling him gently back onto the couch. “No more water. Just gonna make yourself more sick.” 

“That isn’t possible,” Eugene protested. “We’re sick, so we need fluids. Give me your wrist, we can at least do a pulse check.” 

“Alright Florence,” Snafu sighed and held out his wrist. They’d been doing these checks all week, with their pulses getting fainter and fainter with each passing day. Eugene was worried, but he didn’t know what he could possibly do to try and fix it. Nothing was working, and they both looked worse with every hour. 

“What the fuck,” Eugene spat, and moved up Snafu’s arm, then to his neck, searching for a pulse anywhere. Nothing. 

“Check me,” Eugene said, his hands shaking at the thought of what Snafu was (or rather wasn’t) going to find. 

Snafu did the same, moving from pressure point to pressure point, anywhere, searching for a pulse. “Uh. Eugene.” 

“I know, I know, I know,” he felt like he couldn’t breathe, and suddenly noticed how stiff the air felt in his lungs. The air went in and out, and he was still breathing, but it felt...off. “This isn’t possible. We’re dreaming. Or dead. Or something.” 

“I think we are dead,” Snafu said quietly. “I think I know what’s wrong.” 

“I gotta call my dad, now. Before we pass out and-” 

“Eugene,” Snafu interrupted, and grabbed a hold of his hands, just tight enough to keep him sitting on the couch. “You aren’t gonna wanna believe me. And that’s fine, cause I don’t wanna believe me either. But...you remember how we brought Hugo home late last week?” 

Eugene did. It had been a bit spur of the moment, but they’d been talking to Hugo for the past few months, meeting up with him most nights to hang out. It had always edged up near wanting to bring him back to their bed, but it had taken them until Friday of that last week to finally feel brave enough to ask him to come back home with them. 

“What do you remember from that night?” 

Eugene blushed. There was a lot he remembered, a lot of fun and good things. But he couldn’t remember much after. 

“I know I found a weird rash on my neck. Figured Hugo and you were just overly enthusiastic about the hickeys.” 

Snafu shook his head. “Still got the rash?” 

Eugene moved his collar to show it off. Two small red dots, evenly spaced. 

Snafu undid the first few buttons of his shirt and showed off the same. 

“Okay, so Hugo was a little rough. What’re you gettin’ at, sweetheart?” Eugene laughed. 

“We’ve never seen Hugo during the day. He bar tends some nights, but otherwise he doesn’t work. He dresses like he’s at least five years behind everyone else, and his teeth are...well, you’ve seen them,” Snafu continued. “I...this is everything my family made fun of growing up. All the ‘spooky’ parts of the city that the tourists fall for. But...” 

“But what?” 

“Some folks always used to warn about vampires. The city’s old, and you can melt right into it. Where else would you go if you couldn’t die and wanted somewhere you could just be and party or hide away or do whatever else you wanted?” Snafu asked. 

“Are you saying you think Hugo’s a vampire?” 

Snafu looked at the floor, and Eugene sighed internally over how pale he looked. How pale they both looked. Whatever this was, it was eating them alive. 

“And you think he turned us, but it’s just now...taking full effect or something?” 

“Don’t say it like that,” Snafu protested. “You think I like thinking that this is what it is, what we’ve got? This wasn’t my first option for a diagnosis.” 

“Okay, I’m sorry I just...you know how it sounds. I know you do.” 

Snafu nodded, sighed, and dropped his head into his hands. “There’s ways to find out. I mean...it’ll feel silly, but if we do some of these tests, and then it turns out it isn’t this, then we can move past it.” 

“Fair enough,” Eugene agreed. “What tests do you know of?” 

“Well, we failed the first one. No reflection. Failed the second one. Can’t keep any food or water down. Failed the third one. Don’t have a pulse anymore. I’ve got one more, but you aren’t gonna like it,” Snafu replied. He went to the fridge and pulled out the meat they’d picked up from the butcher on Monday. 

It slowly dawned on Eugene what the test was, and his stomach turned. “Oh no.” 

“Oh yes,” Snafu said, slicing into the meat with a knife from one of the kitchen drawers and draining the little bit of blood that came out into two glasses. “C’mere.” 

“I don’t think I can...” Eugene said. It looked repulsive, thickly settled at the bottom of the glass. 

“It’s old blood, but nothin’ we can do about that,” Snafu said, and handed over one of the glasses. “Bottoms up, darlin’.” 

He tossed it back like a shot after Snafu tossed back his, grimacing at the sensation of the blood as it slid down his throat. 

“Now what?” 

“We haven’t been able to keep anything down, so this should come up too,” Snafu replied. 

They stood at the kitchen counter and waited. And waited. And waited. 

“Jesus,” Eugene whimpered, and dropped to his knees, hiding his head against them as he wrapped his arms around himself. “Snaf-” 

“I know,” Snafu interrupted softly, and pulled him up to standing again. “Come on. Back to the couch we go. We’re gonna be alright.” 

“No, we aren’t,” Eugene heard himself whisper, horrified. “What the fuck, what the fuck what the-” 

“Shhh,” Snafu interrupted. “Can’t do nothin’ about this if we panic.” 

“We’re dead,” Eugene hissed. There was no other way around it. He was walking, talking, feeling the panic but with none of the usual heart-pounding. Because his heart no longer beat. Because they’d fucked a vampire, and now they were dead. 

“I know,” Snafu was alarmingly calm, and it made Eugene itchy to watch. As much as he valued Snafu being able to be cool and collected, he also couldn’t bear to be the only one freaking out. 

“We have to find Hugo,” Snafu continued. “May as well go straight to the source. I know going out sounds like shit right now, but we can do this.” 

They dressed, just barely presentable to be out of the house, and wandered down to the nearest bar. The sun had just recently gone down, but Eugene missed it. If this was all real, and he really had already had his last moment in the sun, then he wished he could have somehow known. He would have enjoyed it more. 

Hugo was behind the counter, working. But he looked like he wanted to jump the counter as he caught sight of them. 

Eugene let Snafu take charge of the situation. He was too weak, too tired to do much more than stand by Snafu and lean against him. 

“Hugo. We gotta talk,” Snafu called across the bar. 

Hugo winced as they stepped up to the bar counter. “You guys look like shit.” 

“Yeah. Feel like you might know somethin’ about that,” Snafu said. “Wanna take a moment in the back room with us so we can sort this out?” 

Hugo sighed. “Fine.” 

He led them to the back room, and Eugene let himself collapse onto the couch in the room with a groan. He’d felt better after the glass of disgusting, sludgy blood, but whatever effect it had given him had worn off. 

“I thought I had drained you both completely. You should be dead,” Hugo said, staring at them in amazement and confusion. 

“We are dead, asshole,” Eugene barked. 

“I mean...not dead like me. Completely dead. Not getting up and looking for blood to drink dead. Speaking of, have you guys been feeding? Because you look awful,” Hugo said. 

“Wow, thank you for again tellin’ us we look horrible after doin’ this to us,” Snafu spat as he dropped into a wooden chair near the couch. 

“I didn’t mean to,” Hugo protested. “I was going to just kill you both. I hadn’t fed in weeks...it was nothing personal, I swear.” 

“Hugo...this is is why you’re still single. I swear to fuckin’ god...” Snafu muttered. “Nothin’ personal. Jesus.” 

“I’m sorry, I really am,” Hugo continued. “Look, I can help you adjust to this. It’s the least I can do, and it’s what my maker did for me. Granted, he was also well off and not bar-tending to pay rent, but-” 

“Boo-fucking-hoo for you,” Eugene scoffed. “I’d say this is the least you can do.” 

Hugo sighed. “Clearly, whatever we had is gone. So I’ll do this. I’ll give you a list of places folks like us-” 

“Vampires,” Snafu interrupted. “I wanna hear you fucking say it.” 

“Vampires,” Hugo said. “Places where vampires like us can meet up for resources, help when you’re new and learning how to feed and how much to feed, things like that. I’ll give you my phone number, but you call me; I won’t call you. You only call if you’re comfortable with doing so or really need immediate help, okay?” 

Hugo grabbed a piece of stationary from a desk near one wall of the back room, and started to jot down the various places and people they could use as resources, and as he listened to the pen scratch Eugene’s heart sank. 

No more sunny walks in the park, or sunsets watched in between making out with Snafu. No more dinners they cooked together, learning new recipes. They’d have to quit their jobs, and find new ones with only night shifts, or they’d lose the house. No traveling, unless they were willing to drive all night while knowing they for sure had somewhere to hide during the day. 

And more killing. If they wanted to survive, there would have to be more killing. 

“For now...give me five,” Hugo said and handed Snafu the paper before ducking out of the room. He returned with one of the other bartenders, who calmly bared his neck to Snafu as he knelt down near him. 

“What the fuck is this?” Snafu scoffed. 

“Dinner,” Hugo spat. “Unless you wanna keep looking and feeling like death.” 

“We are dead!” Eugene screamed, forcing himself up off the couch even though every limb protested the effort. He strode towards Hugo faster than he intended to, unsure if it was his new state of being or his anger carrying him forward. He pushed him up against the nearest wall, and hissed. “We’re dead and it’s your fucking fault and-” 

He was suddenly incredibly aware of blood in Hugo’s veins, and before he could stop himself he latched onto Hugo’s neck, effectively stealing his dinner from within him. 

“Get him fucking off of me!” Hugo was screeching, caterwauling, but Eugene held tight onto him, hating how much he enjoyed the feeling of his now much sharper eyeteeth sinking into Hugo’s flesh, emptying his dead veins of his last meal. 

“Eugene! Enough!” Snafu pulled him away, and Hugo dropped to the floor, whimpering. 

“He deserved it,” he huffed. 

“I know,” Snafu said. “But what good is killin’ him gonna do us, huh? None. Let him live with the knowledge. I guarantee that’s worse than bein’ all the way dead.” 

“Neither of you are even up to my usual standard,” Hugo scoffed, still on the floor. The other bartender was staring at him, but made no move to retrieve him. “That’s what I get for fucking ugly goddamn-” 

It was his turn to hold Snafu back as he tried to race towards Hugo, shouting abuse right back at him, how he was a shitty fuck, how he was lucky they’d even allowed him near them to begin with. 

He dragged Snafu outside, regretting that he’d lost his cool. 

But he did feel better, with the blood he’d taken from Hugo. 

“Here,” he offered Snafu his wrist. “You’ll feel better. If we both feel a little healthier, then findin’ all of these people and places’ll be easier.” 

Snafu pulled him into a dark corner near an alley, and kissed him hard before moving his wrist up to his mouth. The feeling of Snafu’s teeth slipping into his wrist was something else, painful but not so much to make him do more than wince. It was almost erotic, especially when Snafu looked up at him, still drinking, his lips locked against the skin of his wrist. 

Which at least confirmed one thing he’d been mildly worried about, regarding blood flow. He didn’t know how it could still work, but he wasn’t going to question it when he had Snafu with blood on his lips, pulling him close and rutting against his hard cock. 

“Let’s go home,” Snafu murmured into his neck. “We can check out everything Hugo gave us tomorrow night.” 

Eugene nodded, but used a hand to carefully pull Snafu’s face back up towards his, and gently, with just the tip of his tongue, licked the drying blood from the corners of Snafu’s mouth before kissing him. 

He had figured it wouldn’t be a jubilant walk home, but he had expected to at least feel better, having gotten confirmation of it all. But he didn’t. He was tired and hungry despite having fed off of Hugo, and wanted nothing more than to fuck until the morning or until they were both too tired and sore to move, whatever came first. 

By the time they got inside, however, he was only half-hard and he could tell Snafu was just plain exhausted. They dropped onto the couch after making sure the door was locked and the windows were all still tightly covered with blinds and newspapers they’d taped over them, and Eugene knew they’d both be asleep soon. There would be no calling into work; he couldn’t keep his eyelids open let alone get up to go to the phone and call them both in. 

What he could manage was to wrap his arms around Snafu, and try not to cry when he didn’t have the familiar sound of Snafu’s heartbeat to lull him to sleep. But he still had Snafu’s hand squeezing his, and it was just enough to work in place of the heartbeat. 

Mana’s Notebook Ch 2

A/N: Well hey just barely got this out on time! This is ch 2 of a longer fic I’m working on that I hope I’ll actually finish! Also on Ao3 because tumblrs formatting hates me.

Previous Chapter  on Tumblr since it went by a different name though I recommend reading Ao3s version by of the extra scene at the end.

A.W: So Cross found out.

Allen had debated on whether or not to send that one tiny text or not. He knew it was late and that Kanda was probably either asleep or answering his own set of very uncomfortable questions from Tiedoll, but at the very least he'd probably want to know Allen was going through the same damn thing--or went, considering Cross had left roughly fifteen minutes ago.

Part of him felt giddy, still, at the prospect of finding something of Mana's that he hadn't obsessively read over, but at the same time he felt guilty too. He highly doubted Cross would have reacted the way he did if the notebook had been a good thing, right? And now Lavi was going to probably get yelled at for it, even though all he did was give Allen Tyki's contact information.

Which led to a whole other set of questions that just made Allen's head hurt. He knew logically no one would probably open the door at near 4 am in the morning, much less to an irate and tipsy (though not drunk, for once) Cross. Allen knew Bookman was a colleague of Cross's and that they'd mutually borrowed things from each other for years now, with Lavi goofily acting as the messenger boy, but would Bookman really let Cross yell at him? Allen hoped not. Besides, last he'd heard from Lavi he was out delivering something for one of Bookman's clients--so would he even be home ?

Their shop wasn't even close by! Not really, so was the trip really that worth it? Would Bookman let Cross stay the night or was he going somewhere else after? If so, where? He'd said he'd be gone until afternoon so, again, was it really that serious?

“Great . ” Allen sighed and stared down at his phone, “Another thing to worry about.”

***

Just as Allen expected he didn't wake up until late the next morning. His clock read 10AM and the first thing he saw when he checked his phone was an equally as short reply back:

BaKanda: Yeah mine wasn't happy either .

Well that answer Allen's unasked question from last night. So he groggily reached for his phone with his right hand and pulled it closer before typing out:

A.W: Ouch. Sry abt that.

Immediately another ping notification went through.

BaKanda: You're up early.

Allen groaned at that and sat up. Too early, more like. Then again he stayed up later than usual so maybe he could forgive himself.

Before he could even roll off the bed to grab his shirt another text came through:

BaKanda: What was it anyway?

Oh. Well. Allen should have expected that. Cross had even said he could tell him as long as he didn't give any details. He tugged on the sweater from the night before and typed out:

A.W: Just a notebook I thought I'd lost .

Okay that wasn't really a lie, was it? Sort of? Okay, maybe it kind of was--

Suddenly his phone was ringing--

Naturally it was Kanda's number flashing on the screen. Well then.

Allen pressed the green call button and immediately turned it to speakerphone, “Someone found it. Apparently I left it at Cross's office one day.” Better elaborate, or as Cross called it convince, convince, convince before you can even be called a liar. “I was kind of writing it off as lost for good since I hadn't been there in months, y'know?”

There was an odd pause on the other end of the line. Then Kanda let out a loud sigh, “ Huh. Well then lucky you. ” There was no telling if he bought the story or not, “Guess it wasn't anything too important?”

Allen winced just a little, “Well. I was sad when it went missing. It was--I was copying down some notes. Music notes, y'know?” Okay he could feel a little bad about this later, “It probably made absolutely no sense to whoever found it unless they knew how to play the piano.”

“Most people know the basics.” There was a grunt, then Kanda was cursing, Allen was about to ask if he was okay when he continued, “Did they leave a note or anything?”

“A note?”

“Yeah. Saying who they were or how they found it? If they had it a while they probably went through it too.”

Allen grimaced again. He knew, maybe they had and that that was probably why Cross was so nervous, just like he knew he also didn't know why it was such a bad thing that they went through Mana's notebook, other than it being an invasion of privacy--

“Oi, cat got your tongue?”

“N-no!” Allen stuttered, “I just haven't looked through it yet. Fell asleep before I could.” There was another loud thump on the other end and, okay, Allen had to ask, “Are you okay?”

“Just practicing, why?”

Well then. “I shouldn't keep you, then.” That and he knew Kanda would start wheedling him, finding more cracks in his half-assed story--Allen knew there were benefits to convincing someone just as he knew there were benefits to knowing when to stop . “Are you going to Lena's today or is she working?” It was a Saturday but often times she helped out at her brothers lab so someone else could have the day off. “I...sort of texted her last night too.” That, at least, wasn't a lie even if it hadn't been anything important. He never replied back, so he knew she was probably worried.

“Fuck, really?” Allen heard Kanda groan, “Wasn't planning on it. Try just texting her. I'd rather not stop by if her brother's around.” A.k.a the lab. Who knew what happened in that lab on a daily basis? That was at least something they could agree on.

“Yeah I'll do that.” His reply was a little stilted, but they both probably knew what the other was thinking, and with very little preamble Kanda ended the call because of course that was just the Kanda thing to do.

So instead Allen opened up Lenalee's text window and reread the last few messages:

A.W: I'll see if I can get Kanda to do it? Will let u know if he says yes! Sent at 11:02PM. He hadn't said much just that he found something he'd lost. Reading back over it, especially now that Cross explicitly told him not to say anything made him feel guilty all over again.

Lena: Sorry didn't see this! Yeah let me know! Where did u need to go? Text me when u get back! Sent 11:45PM

Yeah, the guilt increased ten-fold, because again--he never had because the conversation with Cross and then he'd fallen asleep after texting Kanda and only Kanda. So for all he knew she was probably worried sick.

So he swallowed his pride just a little bit and typed up what he hoped was a decent reply:

A.W: Hey sry it was late when we got back. Fell asleep. I'm okay. Have a good day at work :)

****

Lenalee honestly didn't know whether to be worried or relieved when she woke up the next morning without any new texts from Allen or Kanda. Part of her knew she shouldn't have expected much, after all it had been late, and they both probably assumed she was asleep. So really she couldn't be too upset at them even if it meant she'd spent the entire morning glancing at her phone as she got ready. She even got ready a little slower than usual, even though she knew Komui expected her to stop by and help out at the lab around 9 o'clock.

Which meant she could only waste so much time before she had to tuck her phone away in her purse and head on her way. Part of her would question why Kanda didn't at least text her first, seeing as usually he was awake by now exercising, but at the same time it had only been Allen who texted her last night, and even though he gave Allen a ride in the end that didn't necessarily mean he knew what was going on.

Either that or he forgot his phone existed. Again.

That was always the problem with being friends with mostly guys. It was exasperating as it was endearing, so when Lenalee got to work she was almost glad for the distraction the paperwork provided. It was probably why she nearly jumped when her phone vibrated from its spot next to the pile of paperwork she'd been filing.

A rush of relief ran through her as she saw the text on the screen:

Allen: Hey sry it was late when we got back. Fell asleep. I'm okay. Have a good day at work :)

Followed by a larger rush of both annoyance and worry because that text? Didn't answer anything. Honestly it really made her wonder if he was trying to worry her on purpose, or if he was just oblivious. Chances were it was the latter, it was Allen after all, but that still left her with more questions.

For one, how did Allen know she was at work? Granted that was the easiest question to answer after all her brother usually needed help on Saturdays and even if she couldn't do much except sorting and filing paperwork she definitely enjoyed the task. It got Komui to actually come out of his office more, and she could at least say she was being helpful. Everyone else in the lab was sweet, too and kept her up to date on what insane project Komui was working on next.

Two, again where did they go? She could assume Kanda knew more and that he would easily answer her once he figured out his phone existed again. But even then she wanted to hear it from Allen not Kanda after all it was Allen who asked for a ride in the first place.

That led to the third question of what it was that Allen had even found? If it was important enough he would have just told her last night, right? Even if it wasn 't important she knew if he was excited enough about finding it he would have told her. But he didn't. He'd just been excited enough to call Kanda out at nearly midnight to go retrieve it.

And now she was worried again.

Until she heard her phone buzz again. This time it was Kanda:

Kanda: Oi did the bean text you yet?

Well at least now she knew Kanda had found his phone. Though the timing was oddly specific, which had even more questions flooding around in her head. Maybe she was thinking too hard about this, but at this point could anyone really blame her?

So she shot a text to Allen first:

Lena: Ok I was worried u dummy! Did u find what you were looking for?

Then to Kanda:

Lena: Yes he did. What happened??

At the very least she would get answers out of one of them.

****

Honestly Kanda shouldn't have been so surprised when he got a text back from Lenalee almost immediately. If Allen had texted her just like he said he did then who knew what she was thinking could have happened? That alone reminded Kanda of how little he actually knew himself, other than that he had a clear suspicion that Allen was probably maybe lying. Again he was pretty sure it wasn't anything illegal, but it definitely wasn't just some random ass notebook filled with music notes and piano chords that he was pretty sure anyone who'd gone to elementary school would probably remember.

Not that either of them really had a traditional schooling experience, but at least Tiedoll had tried.

In other words unless it had something important or maybe embarrassing in it then Kanda really didn't know why it couldn't have waited until morning. But that still left Lenalee's text unanswered and he knew she wasn't above text spamming him--at work or not. So Kanda quickly shifted back into a resting position before grabbing his phone and replying:

Kanda : What did he tell u?

Maybe it was a little mean to answer a question with a question but he also didn't know if maybe he'd told her more than him. Chances were probably not, after all it was Lenalee . She wouldn't be afraid of telling Allen how bad of an idea it was. Hell, Kanda hadn't asked just based on the assumption that it couldn't have been a bad place and now look--he found out Allen was maybe lying and landed with even more questions that in turn he was worrying too much about.

He grabbed the closest water bottle he could reach (he had several in here mostly because he usually refilled them then forgot they were in here) only to realize it was half empty. Dammit he needed some water. So he groaned and pushed himself up off the studio floor and opened the door into the hall. Tiedoll's house was much bigger than it had every right to be, but at the same time having four boys plus being an artist in need of several studios did that a person. Probably.

Also having four boys tended to make one a hover-er, because Kanda hadn't even made his way down the hall to the living room-kitchen-dining room before he heard Tiedoll call out:

“Yuu is that you? My you're up early!” There he was at the foot of the stairs with a gigantic laundry basket in his hands, sweatpants, sweatshirt and bare feet despite the fact it was, again, only February. Not that Kanda was about to point that out considering just by seeing him he remembered that painfully short and awkward conversation from last night.

So instead he only nodded his head and continued walking to the kitchen. There he opened the fridge and pulled out yet another half full bottle of water he probably shoved in there at some point, chugging down its contents before grabbing a third, turning around and-- shit .

Tiedoll was now standing on the other side of the bar with a worried smile on his face, clothes forgotten. Great. “Were you working out? Good, good, I would have thought you'd sleep in--”

“I wasn't out that late.” Kanda muttered, though hell even he knew that was a lie. “Didn't we already talk about this?” Wait, wait, no . He wasn't going to instigate this. He turned and tried to walk past only for Tiedoll to sigh softly and ask:

“If you'd like to say that counted as talking about it, then yes we did. I don't think it counts, though because nothing really came out of it.” Tiedoll was moving around the bar now, towards Kanda and oh dammit . They were talking about it now, weren't they?

*** FLASHBACK TIME***

The minute Kanda opened the front door he knew Tiedoll was still awake. Most likely because he'd either heard Kanda jump out of his window or because he saw his car wasn't in the driveway. Honestly Kanda was surprised he was even able to get out in the first place, with how attuned Tiedoll seemed to be, but the point was clearly he was awake now and probably had been the entire time.

It still always unnerved Kanda that such a calm unassuming man could have such a presence in a room before Kanda even stepped into it. Though at least he let him actually walk in, hang his jacket up and kick his shoes off first before asking any questions.

“You know I'm going to have to ask you where you went, Yuu.” Tiedoll flicked on the nearby table lamp and continued to watch until Kanda shuffled into the room. Yes, shuffled because he definitely wasn't a night owl like Allen was. He would probably have to keep this brief because he could tell when his body kept trying to wake itself back up again, and that he was teetering on that edge where he was just straight up exhausted--something only sleep could fix.

So he went with the easiest explanation first. “Allen texted. He was hungry--We went to the 24 hour McDonalds.”

He could see Tiedoll raise an eyebrow at that. He definitely didn't believe him. Not that Kanda really expected him to entirely, but they both knew it wasn't unusual for Allen to text for a ride, even though it was much later than usual. “I'd ask why this late and if you spent the entire time there but--”

“--Can I sleep first?” Kanda knew that sounded bad the minute he said it. Knew that for all intents and purposes Tiedoll could tell him no and to sit back down because yes Kanda was technically an adult now, being 21 now, but he did still live under Tiedoll's roof and rely on him for things like food and a warm place to live rent-free.

But surprisingly? Tiedoll only sighed again and nodded his head, “Alright. But we're talking about this in the morning. Don't forget.”

***FLASHBACK END***

But of course Kanda kind of had, mostly because the minute he'd stepped into his room and checked his phone he'd seen Allen's text message. He knew his talk with Tiedoll had been brief but that only delayed the inevitable awkwardness, whereas Allen at least got to sleep on whatever horrifying thing Cross said.

Great.

“So you remember now?” Tiedoll asked motioning to one of the nearby chairs, “Sit, sit. We're talking about it now while we have the chance.” Which usually meant before the others were up. Mainly Daisya because Kanda knew Chaoji would probably have to leave for work soon and nothing was ever really successfully hidden from Marie. Not with how good his hearing was.

“We really did go to McDonald's.” He started with before Tiedoll could ask again. “I was serious. He ate half of the damn menu somehow.” It still made Kanda ill to think about all that damn grease he'd shoved into his mouth.

He must have been making a face because Tiedoll started chuckling at that, “Oh I believe it, but Yuu even then you wouldn't have left so early or gotten back so late even if he ate all that. And yes I know when you left. I was dozing but not fully asleep.” He paused here then helpfully tacked on, “And when I checked I saw your car missing. So no I didn't think it was Daisya or Chaoji getting home.”

Again Kanda scowled but fuck it if he hadn't assumed that himself so, “Your point?”

“My point .” Kanda could feel when that look changed. A literal shiver ran down his back, “Is that by now you should know better than to lie. I know how long it takes you to pick Allen up and how long it takes for you two to get to McDonalds and back. I can do basic math. I know there's a span of time you went somewhere else and now you're not telling me where? I won't even point out that you smelled like cigarette smoke from a brand I know you don't smoke.”

Oh. Oh . Kanda could feel himself cringe all the way down to his toes. Not just because Tiedoll had a point, but because he probably knew the brand based off smell alone. Kanda wasn't stupid, he'd been friends with Allen long enough that of course Tiedoll had spent enough time around Cross! And if he recognized the brand--

“Now. Is there anything you want to tell me?” Tiedoll leaned forward in that way that made him both look unassuming but also like he could legitimately threaten the answers he wanted right out of you. This situation was now leaning towards the latter.

Well. Shit. Hopefully Allen would understand Kanda telling him some , even though he wasn't even sure himself of some of the details, “Allen asked for a ride.” He started off simply, sitting down hard in the chair next to Tiedoll. Maybe if he made this quick he wouldn't be mad? Or would maybe realize he was blowing it out of proportion a little bit. “It was after eleven so Lena couldn't do it.” At least he didn't have to explain that part, Tiedoll knew Komui just as well as the rest of them did. “I thought it'd be quick so I said fine. He really did just need to pick something up. It was raining,” Of course they both knew this too, “So that took longer too. Traffic wasn't that bad, he got what he left, and then got hungry so I agreed to pick up McDonalds. Didn't think he'd eat half the menu soaking wet but he did. Then I dropped him back off at home and drove back. The end--”

Except now Tiedoll was holding his hand up because of course he could probably tell Kanda just wanted to get this over with, but details . He wanted details. So he asked the obvious question first, “What did Allen need so badly that he couldn't wait until morning to get it?” And then, because neither of them had said it yet but they both already knew-- “And that also doesn't explain why you smelled like one of Cross's cigarettes. Did you stop in for a visit?” And even then they both knew it wouldn't have been so strong unless Kanda had gone into his bedroom or smoked one himself.

At least that was easy to explain, “I asked for compensation. I wasn't just going to go out in a monsoon and drive him somewhere without asking for something in return.” Wait. That sounded bad, shit . He plowed on quickly, “Especially when he didn't even want to tell me where we were going or why.”

He saw Tiedoll's incredulous face warp into something close to worry, “So you went out at near midnight and drove him to somewhere for some reason and not only that you asked him to steal some of Cross's cigarettes--?” Okay that did sound really, really bad actually.

Dammit now Kanda couldn't really blame Tiedoll for being so worried. Unthinkingly, or maybe just to give his hands something to do, Kanda started unscrewing the bottle cap on the bottle of water he'd grabbed, but he never took a sip out of it. It just felt nice and cold on his hands and helped him not look at Tiedoll as he tried to think about what he'd say, because again he didn't know. He didn't know why, even though yes he knew where they went--so maybe he could work with that? “I'm actually trying to ask him why it was so important. He finally answered me maybe thirty minutes ago.” Which. Shit. He needed to check and see if Lenalee replied too. Dammit, he should have just brought his phone with him. “He said it was a notebook he'd left at Cross's office months ago.” He could see Tiedoll stiffen up here, “Apparently he forgot about it and one of Cross's coworkers found it. Not sure how long they kept it,” Not that that wasn't kind of strange in it's own right, “but I guess they finally told Allen and somehow they arranged to either meet up or to leave the notebook somewhere.” Which...wait. That also didn't quite add up. Why had they left it in such a sketchy ass place if it was just a random notebook? Why couldn't they have given it to Cross to bring home? Now Kanda was even more confused, but right. He had to finish, at least, so he could leave . “No I still don't know why we went and picked it up at midnight unless you want me to guess.”

When he actually turned to look at Tiedoll though he could see how pale he was. That alone had Kanda feeling--not quite squeamish but also like he really didn't want to know what Tiedoll must be thinking. All he knew was he was now shaking his head and murmuring, “No, no, I mean if he tells you I'd like to know but….I supposed I'm just glad you're home.”

Why did that kind of sound like Tiedoll thought he wouldn't be? Who did Tiedoll think they'd meet up with? He knew again that Cross worked with some strange ass people, given some of the stories Allen told sometimes, but surely they weren't that dangerous….right?

Then again given the location he left that notebook they at least didn't think like a normal person logically would, so what did Kanda know?

Suddenly Tiedoll clapped one hand hard on his shoulder, jarring him out of that particular thought, before loudly saying, “Alright. Thank you for telling me this much, Yuu. Sorry for disrupting your morning workout. I'll let you get back to that though I will say please at least drink all your waters first before grabbing a new bottle. Or at least don't leave them littered around the studio! Other people use it too, you know?”

Then he walked over to the laundry basket he neglected and hefted it up before disappearing up the stairs and leaving Kanda to stare after him. He didn't even get a chance to try and defend himself, then again--fuck it. Tiedoll had a point and it wasn't like he didn't know who did it, after all Daisya and Chaoji  both liked sports drinks better than just bottled water.

So Kanda sighed, grabbed the water he'd gotten from the fridge, and slowly walked back to the studio. Where he'd left his phone. He grimaced a little but pulled up his most recent messages. Shockingly he had five unread text messages from her, and two from Allen. Huh.

The first one was almost immediate after his reply:

Lena: He hasn't told me anything since asking for a ride

The next two came ten minutes after and had Kanda stalling and staring.

Lena: He said he's fine though?

Lena: Why wouldn't he be fine?

Because hadn't he just been thinking that? Or something close enough to it? Why wouldn't Allen be fine? Why did it feel like they'd been in more danger after the fact than during? What wasn't Allen saying?

Finally, the last one was from only two minutes ago.

Lena: If u can't tell me just say so.

Well. Fuck. Then again since he didn't reply immediately it definitely did look like he was ignoring her. So he took a deep breath and quickly texted back:

Kanda : Sorry Tiedoll.

Kanda: I asked him too he didn't rly answer.

There. Because now Kanda was starting to realize Allen had definitely lied. Maybe not about all of it, considering he really had grabbed something that night in the pouring rain that someone had left. But who it was and what it was? Clearly he wasn't telling the whole truth. It made Kanda wonder why he didn't want to tell them, but he knew this was probably the perfect example for why--Lenalee was nosy only when she was worried and Kanda only when he knew the other person was lying.

In this scenario Allen fit both scenarios.

Speaking of which, Kanda clicked on the two unread texts from Allen.

Beansprout: What did u tell Lena

Beansprout: She wants to meet after work. U free?

Well at least that was one way to resolve everything, maybe not perfectly but Kanda could always tell if someone was lying a lot easier when they were face to face. So Kanda quickly typed out:

Kanda: Yeah I should be. Where?

SITS DOWN

PULLS OUT 10 GIANT ALBUMS :))) 

(this came out way longer than I intended im so fuckgkdsdf sory)

How I feel about this character: EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I’M IN LOVE WIHT RATCHET. I love him in all iterations of Transformers because he’s always the tired, pragmatic one of the group. In contrast, he’s also almost tiredly optimistic in some ways. He won’t get out of bed, but if someone gets shot in the head he’ll spend however long and beyond to resuscitate them. There’s 2 halves to this--the me who identifies with the beating exhaustion he exudes, and the me who’s in awe that he’ll still fight his way through life.  I won’t... get into each continuity...because that’s too much, so I’ll stick with probably the most unpopular version of him and that’s IDW (my impression, anyway). IDW Ratchet gets a lot of flack for being way too sour and like, maybe not selfish, but uncaring. He cares! A lot! He’s always thinking about everyone in really surprisingly thoughtful ways. Like when he’s 90% sure he’ll die due to Overlord and his last words are to promote First Aid to CMO (he’s ready!! god that’s sweet), and to give his hands to Whirl (though maybe a bit blindsided, he’s paid attention to some roots of Whirl’s trauma). Or yeah he’s hella mean to Drift in the beginning, but when Drift is dying in his arms he’s scREAMING at him “you’re gonna make it! You’re gonna be fine because I’m gonna make sure you’re gonna be fine”. He can be an asshole, but he knows the time and place. Death isn’t something to play with--he’s seen probably countless friends die, and he doesn’t want that to happen again. Even now, even after the war.  So I feel very confused when ppl act like he’s this mean, cold person. He’s exTREMELY emotional. He’s probably way too invested in everyone’s lives, honestly? He interrupts a round table story for Rung just to reminisce on the veery last time he, OP, and Roller were together in the same room (not even hanging out or anything, just being together one last time. who remembers that after 5+ millions years??). He started an illegal clinic in the bad part of town because he wanted to put his skills to better use! Like! LOL.  ALSO, a point that i think is unfair is that ppl think his atheism is just really mean. IT is! But I think it shows just how much of an emotional and extremely, deeply hurt person he is. It gets aggravating when he’s condescending of religion, because there’s no simple logic to it. He reacts the way he does because he’s a hurt person who’s gone through years of trauma and this is his way of coping. Is it healthy or right? Nah, but it’s humanizing. It’s why when he becomes closer to Drift he occupies this weird between space where he snarks but also tries to indulge more in perspectives outside of his own in his own dumb old tsundere way. He’s a person who believes in justice, ultimately, and religion to him doesn’t fall under justice.  ALSO, can I say that his inability to say good byes is so.. like relatable? I have rly bad social anxiety, and so I’ve definitely ghosted people who’ve been nothing but really supportive for me. It’s not because I wanted to burn them, but it freaks you out needing to, not even say goodbye, but communicate with ppl. And for Ratchet--how many times was he FORCED to say good bye to friends + patients who were dying beyond his help? Maybe, if he could help it, he doesn’t want to say goodbye. And it’s tragic the times he’s just left, these were people who ended up either dying for falling astray into insanity, i.e., beyond his help. But he learns. He chases after Drift, who he actually said, in a way, good bye to (helping him off the floor after being attacked, also I should point out that a very tiny handful of people were comfortable interacting w/ Drift at all, and how much Ratchet just doesn’t give a shit abt how other ppl think abt him. he’ll help drift off the floor bc t’s the right thing to do). He says goodbye in his old dumb way--First Aid calls him out on it. ALSO his trust in First Aid is super cute. ALSO he’s like.. genuinely nice to Ten (he helped him get a date with Minimus!!!). And he’s not afraid to call out on other ppl’s bullshit (telling rodi straight you dont deserve to be captain which, at the time, was really true). He’s also SUPER smart. Also there’s that post on tumblr that pointed out that Ratchet immediately goes to deescalate conflict. He’s willing to put aside pride and anything if it means ultimately coming to a resolution where EVERYONE involved is safe. The only time he doesn’t is FUCKING OVERLORD who he rightfully, immediately, tries to briefly incapacitate to lockdown his medibay (protect patients/information). Ok I gotta stop I can go on forever just going page to page. Also, despite my love, I can totally point out his flaws. He’s grating when it’s unnecessary, he’s abhorrently bad at communicating, he’s privileged, he’s narrow-minded at times, etc. ec. But again what I love about him is that despite all that, he’ll throw his own self out the window for others’s well-being bc he genuinely, genuinellyyy cares about other people. If only he could care for himself //cries All the people I ship romantically with this character OH god... everyone. He’s my bicycle.  ok look, ya’ll know I’m an intense dratchet shipper and I could literally write a god damn essay. ... here’s another essay???!! So, I’ma be real, I wasn’t a super dratchet shipper before. I wasn’t anti (i have no notps), but I was just “yeah they’re cute i guess haha”. But 99.99% the reason why I ship anything is all for super cute adorable fanart. and I kept drawing them because 1) ratchet’s my fav, 2) drift is super popular so I figured I should learn to draw him. And they became the only 2 mechs I could draw. I used to be way more into Scavengers + megarod. I used to only like 1 dratchet fanfic and that’s bc it was less romantic and more plot centric (still a fav tho). Then I kept seeing cute fanart, I would read posts by other dratchet shippers too about what makes them so nice? And I was yeah.. oh yeah. And it doesn’t help that in Lost Light, drift is CONSTANTLY by Ratchet’s side. He’s constantly checking up on him and holding him and touching him, like as if Ratchet is the thing that he needs to make sure, at all costs, is safe.  In Drift’s life, Ratchet is the one who appears to him when he needs support the most but is in the most denial of it. When Drift is at the brink of death, overdosed and about to be broken apart and Orion brings him to Ratchet’s clinic. Ratchet patches him up pro-bono and tells him that he sees something special in him.  like??? can you imagine how that feels? To have no one believe in you--you don’t even believe in yourself, and yet here’s this person who tells you “you’re gonna be great”. And it totally doesn’t hit Drift in anyway, at least in a way that’s tangible to him, until much later in life. Or maybe it does (hey, how do you weave character narratives when it’s been written by like 3 different ppl shrugs). And that statement means 2 different things to them. To Drift, it’s a reminder that he’s worth something, even if it’s a sliver of nearly nothing to hold onto. To Ratchet, it’s a reminder that the greatness he saw led to the deaths of thousands of people.  HEY can you imagine this person you saved, patched up, tried to encourage, ended up being a mass serial killer in the future? (have you ever read Monster by Naoki Urusawa). Ended up killing people you loved?  So it’s no wonder that a good part of Ratchet is absolutely mad at Drift. And I think if that was all, they probably would’ve ended up being amicable. But Drift also ended up being super religious and seeing the hand and primus in everything and oh my god is this person really waxing poetry on the value of life when he, himself, shot several bullets at me at one point?  I also believe they are uncomfortably similar as they are different. The reason why they constantly butt heads is they’re two people trying to escape a past they don’t want and found complete opposite ways to cope with their losses. Drift found religion, Ratchet is gratingly pragmatic, and they see each other and go “how could this guy choose to be this way?”. I’ve heard ppl like to cite the annual as the reason why they could never work out. BUT, can I point out, that they act around each other in a way they don’t with anyone else? Drift gets SO MAD. Ratchet gets extremely talkative and incredibly personal (pulled out an electro slug from someone’s spark, holy shit that fucking traumatized you didn’t it??). They challenge each other emotionally, and it’s so fucking difficult bc they’re both extremely depressed and suffer from PTSD and would probably rather just go on their dumb space adventure and look at stars--take 2 emotionally constipated idiots and you get them. And hell no, don’t tell me Drift is in-tune with his feelings bc he’s 10000% not. He uses religion to cope with a past and life that he doesn’t want to think about. He tries to re-contextualize himself because he hates who he is. OUCHHH. And Ratchet MAKES him confront the parts of himself he hates--bc Ratchet has seen his worst traits and isn’t afraid to make him think about it.  So why do they work out eventually? They realize how important they are to each other. Delphi, Drift saves Ratchet’s life while he’s barely holding onto his own because he probably feels like he owes Ratchet his own life. And that’s a huge turning point in their relationship--Ratchet sees that... Drift tries really really fucking hard. My friend Zig pointed out that post-Delphi, Drift is eating energon w/ chopsticks (what a fucking nerd), and you can see in a later panel that Ratchet (who chose to sit next to Drift) is using those chopsticks too. IT’s such a small thing, but they’re becoming closer by sharing and learning from each other. And then Drift takes the fall and leaves. And Ratchet realizes just how important Drift’s presence is in his life. I mentioned it already lol but the scene where Ratchet helps Drift up off the floor and it’s superimposed with the love message Rewind left for CD. They care about each other so much!! And Ratchet chases after him!! HOLY SHIT. If that isn’t romance, what is?? lol I kid, but it’s obvious just how important Drift’s presence meant to him. IT’s really because they became so so so close in a way that can’t be described as just friends. They deeply understand each other in really uncomfortable ways and bring out the absolute worst and absolute best in each other. And this point is where Ratchet again appears when Drift doesn’t realize he needs someone in his life. Drift thinks he can be a loner and just float aimlessly and voicelessly--hell no! He needs friends, he needs community. He NEEDs belonging, because he wants to belong somewhere. And Ratchet helps bridge him back to friends and found family.  And Ratchet slowly changes the more he’s with Drift. He reads religious text and tries to brag about it bc he’s a dumb tsundere lol but he’s trying to understand Drift’s interests more even if it takes a decade and more to get there. And Drift values him for being his rock. That’s why he’s constantly making sure Ratchet is safe and unharmed, because he owes at least that much to him. And yeah they eventually fall in love because they value each other in a way they haven’t anyone else. IM EMO I CAN GO ONE, this all probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense but yeah. I’m just so soft to the fact that they’re horribly hurt people who don’t know how to redirect their pain, but by being together they come out healthier and more confident. IT’S RLY ROMANTIC IDKKK My non-romantic OTP for this character As much as I also love OpRatch, they are also great best friend platonic ship. They know each other best, they’ve been through SO MUCH together. It’s honestly a shame they barely interact in IDW bc the small tidbits we have, they obviously deeply respect each other’s opinions and deeply value the relationship they’ve had over the past millions of years.  I’m also all for non-romanceOTP for dratchet because I can totally imagine they go to each other to talk about things they feel uncomfortable sharing with others (they’ve seen the absolute worst of each other afterall).  My unpopular opinion about this character I don’t... think I ahve one. Some ppl view my love for his as grating lol.  One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Medic spin off.

21821 7:08am

Last night was different. 

I’m thankful nothing escalated but I can breathe better now. He’s just as scared to lose me I think and he knows I feel the same. He also knows abt my worries now from the past days and that it’s in my mind now but I just chose to burry it for now. Face it when it has come.

Can’t say the same for him tho. I know it’s hard for him to open up or say it out loud because he might not be sure. But I wanna know more. Deeper. I hope he’ll trust me with that someday. 

However I did enjoy last night. It was intimate and sweet. Nothing over the top and we didn’t go too far. I really did love holding him. I think he enjoyed that more than him holding me and it was fine. The way he held me was something else. He rubbed his fingers along my face, arms.. Savoring every skin he touched. I did the same. His hair (which really needed a cut), his cheeks (hollow but soft), his arms and chest (my favorite part). I kept telling him that sleeping alone or laying in bed alone will never be the same after tonight and I was right. Falling asleep was easy but it’s because the feel of his skin on me was still fresh. Maybe later I’ll have a hard time. Waking up I wanna feel all that again but we need distance to keep ourselves wanting and missing each other. Although it was dark I also kept looking in his eyes. I wished it was in a more relaxing setting but it was our place and I’m okay with that. Maybe some other time.  

There was also a moment where it became emotional. Lately when we ask each other if we’re okay, I honestly wanna break down. I just cried a bit last night tho. I feel like I need to let it out a little then recover to realize that now is now. We can worry about the future when it comes. Like he always says. He felt it. Didn’t have to look at me but when he did he started apologizing, holding me tighter. He was tearing up too. It was the first time I felt someone was afraid to lose me. He never will but maybe his fear was of a different intention. 

I’ll cherish these moments now. Although we almost had a heart attack because we thought other people got in, it led to him holding me so tight and telling me it’s gonna be ok. I know he meant our current situation but I associated it also with how we are now together. 

Just like that, our night ended. Coming out of that place we were just best friends under the night sky. Occasionally holding hands that only the heavens will see. 

~끝 ~

ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying. 

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

Before I begin, I ask of you to NOT witchhunt Lance/kins/yega/perfect/whatever username he has now, do anything to him that will hurt him, cause him to hurt himself or drive him off of any social media platform. I genuinely hate callout culture and the such, but I felt like this was needed to be done. He IS a human person with feelings and of course has rights to be on whatever social medias he wants to be on.

Although Lance is an abusive person, I do not want the purpose of this post to practically stoop down to his level. My intentions for this is to bring light to his behavior and hopefully help people not fall into his trap.

For some context: I met Lance on Vent. For those who don’t know, Vent is a social media platform to basically… vent. Possibly the worse place to ever meet someone in my own personal opinion, but that doesn’t matter.

Anyway, we met in the Dangan Ronpa Kin group. I was shitposting and then posted a canon call bc hey why not make new friends. Essentially Lance commented, we became mutuals and everything unfolds there.

We talked for a bit on discord. He brung up the topic of his now ex-boyfriend, Tord. At first I disliked Tord due to the fact that he was abusive towards Lance. And this fact is true. However, from my knowledge Tord has never excused his actions has told me personally he still regrets them. Tord has also said he’s working on changing his behavior and he definitely is.

Lance himself on the other hand was just as bad. He has told me that Lance has constantly berated him for certain things he cannot help, has brushed off Tord’s feelings, get unreasonably angry towards him, ect ect. Basically everything you shouldn’t do in a relationship.

Here are some links to back up my statement:

https://imgur.com/a/gQ2sO (Lance getting jealous of tords abuser)

https://imgur.com/a/fDrPM (more of lance being nasty)

https://imgur.com/a/ZCMdy (Tord’s friend givin him comfort abt the situation)

https://imgur.com/a/UegAC (Lance sending one of his qpps to deadname and call tord a whore)

https://imgur.com/a/9RYTc (other various things lance has done to make tord uncomfortable n such)

There is another callout post for Lance made by Tord’s qpp that can be read here. It provides more proof of Lance’s behavior as well as some other things. 

While Tord is currently trying to fix his behavior and actions, Lance on the other hand is not. I’m friends with one of his other exes, whom I will be calling H. H and I are pretty close friends and when I mentioned that I was dating Lance, they warned me of some of his actions. I was already sketchy of Lance from the first time we met. When I ranted to H about Lance, they said he hasn’t changed from when they dated. I dont remember exactly when they did, but it was possibly a few months ago. Most likely early in the year. Aside from that, that was their only testimony.

Tord has also mentioned to me that when they were in a call, Lance told him that he found no reason to change his actions/behavior and “that’s the way he just is.”

Another thing Tord has mentioned to me is that Lance dates people for very shallow reasons. In his case, it was only because he thought Tord was attractive. And as for my case, it was only because I’m kin with Kiibo. I recall this one time Lance mentioning that he loses friends quickly and I honestly understand why now lol. He treats people like garbage if they are not up to his expectations and either he drops them like flies, or the other party stands their ground.

As for my accounts; I did like Lance in a romantic sense for some time, albeit short. I’m avoiding using the term “love” since now that I think back on it, it wasn’t exactly love. Just a crush I happened to act on impulsively. Continuing on from when we first met, I mentioned to Lance that we can discuss memories. Lance replied with (his exact words. Not mine) “i dont do memories im gonna cry hhh.” Of course not everyone who is kin gets memories and I respect that.

Kin memories are not the main point of this though. Lance said this to lure me in to “be his kiibo.” I already knew this from the beginning and decided to play along. I’m a very analytical person and have a very strong intuition. Im not saying this to toot my own horn, but to back up on how I knew his intentions. I do not have screenshots of this anymore since I deleted the post from our first falling out (which i will get into in a bit.)

Moving on, all of this led to the events I stated earlier. On December 3rd of 2017, I started to talk to Tord. Initially my aim was to tell Tord to leave Lance alone since he made him uncomfortable. I told Lance that I wouldn’t be able to talk much since I was heading over to my cousin’s birthday party. I also mentioned that I would try to make the time to talk to him, but that never happened. Lance said it was fine but then proceeded to make vagues about me and then threatened suicide. The posts can be viewed here: https://imgur.com/a/QR6O9

Imgur messed up the caption for the last img but basically what went down was that I was already thinking of breaking things off with Lance. I was talking to Tord about this, as again my first initial plan was to get him to leave Lance alone but due to me thinking of breaking up, our conversation turned into the things Lance has done while he and Tord were together. Reading what I was sent made me feel revolted and gave me even more motivation to break things off with Lance. I wrote a message explaining why we (Lance and I) were better off not being together the night previous, much thanks to H’s help. The prewritten message can be read here: https://imgur.com/a/EFORS

Tord has also told me that Lance fakes suicide a lot. I wasnt worried about this to begin with since I used to know someone who used to pull similar bs as Lance did.

At this point, Lance blocked me on Vent and that was it. At first I was fine. However due to past experiences I got extremely paranoid that Lance was saying things behind my back, namedropping and all that fun stuff. I was pretty much having very bad panic attacks and HAD to at least end things on the right foot.

I asked Tord if I can talk to him. I don’t have any screenshots of this but Lance complied and we sorted things out. We were quite for a few days but things kicked back up again. Everything was fine until I believe yesterday (12/10/17). I was having a very bad mental health day and so was doing things to keep me from slipping. I was also very busy that day so I kept on forgetting to reply to people. Proof of this is here: https://imgur.com/a/k4dqr. For more added context, I made a small pda post about how much I loved my friends and that was about it. He was pretty much trying to coax me to say that I was ignoring him in that one bit, but I really wasn’t.

Today, 12/11/17, was the day we decided to cut things off for good.

The conversation is here as long as some other guilt trippy shenanigans: https://imgur.com/a/qHwwx

This was our final conversation: https://imgur.com/VPm7oKc

Him saying that I lead him on is kind of bs. I truly did like him. Funny enough he himself lead other people on but that’s none of my business 🐸☕

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I would appreciate if you spread this around

Also, Lance if you’re readin this, my offer still stands lmao. Change yourself first and then come talk to me.

All That Remains of Lance McClain Part 3

hey all, sorry i wasn’t as active recently, I had to study for an exam that i really really needed to pass! Anyway, here’s part 3 of my what remains of edith finch au 

i had some trouble coming up with a way to connect lance to the game in a way that would make sense, considering how the game actually plays out in the end and i think i’ve come up with a good alternative?? anyway, please enjoy! I did cut it off at a cliff hanger, bc i felt like it was getting a bit too long. I will be continuing it soon, so don’t worry abt that!

Preview:

Keith looked up to see Hunk rooting through several cassettes before pulling one labeled ‘McClain House and family history, by Alexa McClain for Lance McClain.’ Pidge, who’s eye had been caught by an innocuous looking cassette player, grabbed it and handed it to Hunk, who put the cassette into it.

Lance had been in the pod for all of a week, and the tension was mounting within the castle of lions.

Everyone was trying to occupy themselves. Hunk spent a majority of the time working on repairing Blue or cluttering around in the kitchen or just chilling next to Lance’s pod, chattering softly to his comatose best friend. Pidge was hell bent on coding, taking very brief breaks for food and water, eyes red rimmed and dry every time they wandered into the kitchen. Keith isolated himself to the training deck, the bridge, his own room, he just generally avoided the others best he could. 

Shiro and Allura were too busy forming alternate plans for Galra attacks, and Coran spent much time either monitoring Lance’s progress or obsessively cleaning every inch of the castle. He was still cheery, greeting everyone and starting conversations, but everyone could tell his heart wasn’t truly in it. 

Everyone tried to avoid one another in some way. The elephant in the room was too big to truly confront at this moment in time while Lance was still in the pod. They wanted to talk about the vision, the last glimpse they’d gotten into Lance’s head before the electric blast had cut off his connection fully from them. They didn’t know how to approach it, the mystery of Lance’s origins starting to crack, laying waste to the comfortable foundation the blue paladin had laid for the team, helping to bring them together. That familiarity and comfort was gone now, shattered and leaving the paladins floundering for answers to questions they didn’t know who to ask.

So they waited. And as one week passed into two, then three, the team came together in a clash of hurtful accusations and floundering panic. They hadn’t truly realised the extent to which Lance helped to keep them together, the glue that helped the paladins form the bonds of friendship and camaraderie. Keith looked like he was about to throttle Pidge, who stood next to Hunk defensively, Shiro holding Keith back by his right arm. Allura and Coran could only watch helplessly as the paladins crumbled, lack of sleep and the gaping hole of their missing Blue leaving jagged, open and undefended minds and hearts laid bare.

Blue roared in her hangar, and brought the fighting to a stop. Images flashed within the paladins’ minds, their Lions connecting together to help Blue reach the paladins. Images of Lance in the cockpit, taking out and hiding stacks of notebooks, cassettes, letters, reading them, looking at Polaroid photos in the comfort and security of his Lion. 

Blue beckoned them, invited them in, showed them the hidden compartment within her flight deck. She was tired of the tension, the bickering, the uncertainty. She knew her paladin’s team mates needed answers, and she would give them. Perhaps then her cub would heal, the mind wounds festering and growing inside him as the team fell apart. She needed to bring them together, to tether Lance to this plane of existence. She refused to let him slip quietly, without a fight, from this world, into the claws of the darkness that hungered for him.

Hunk was the first to reach the hangars, marching over to Blue and scrambling into her cockpit, immediately reaching for the hidden stash of secrets that Lance had kept from them. He needed to know, felt the itch of unknown knowledge claw at his fingertips as he grabbed everything hidden within. Hearing the others rush into the hangar, Hunk gingerly came back out, holding the stack of ancient looking information gently, carefully, afraid of damaging his friend’s property.

“Hunk, I really think we should wait for Lance to come to us with this! We’re betraying his trust by snooping into his past, I know you’re upset but-”

Hunk glared at Shiro, holding the stack tightly to his chest, away from his leader’s reaching grip, “No. We need to find out what’s happening to Lance. We need to know what’s been bothering him so much that he didn’t feel comfortable with telling us in the first place. We-” Hunk broke off, taking in a sharp breath as he tried to keep himself from crying, “I need to know, Shiro.”

The older paladin faltered, eyes shutting. Shiro just, felt so tired. Lance’s continued stay within the healing pods was taking so much emotional energy from the team. Opening his dark eyes and looking at the anxious group before him, he breathed deeply. His own intrinsic need to know what had been bothering Lance washing over him as he saw the pleading look in Hunk’s and Pidge’s expressions, Keith’s fierce worry, Allura and Coran’s bone deep exhaustion and found himself nodding, “Alright. Let’s go to the living room and... take a look at this.”

The group shuffled out of the hangars, calmly walking into the living area and spreading themselves out over the floor. Pillows were stripped from the couches for comfortable seating as Pidge helped Hunk spread the collection of notebooks, letters, photos, cassettes, cassette player and paintings over the floor between everyone.

The group faltered. There was just... so much here. Where would they start? How would they know what to read to truly understand what and why Lance had hidden this from them. 

As always when it came to impulsive decisions, Keith snatched up the newest looking notebook. “’Property of Alexa McClain, for-” He faltered, shoulders slumping, “-for Lance McClain.’” Looking up from the cover of the book, he met the eyes of everyone in the circle, a flash of uncertainty marring his features. After all, he knew he and Lance weren’t the closest of the paladins, and this felt too personal for Keith to read. However, the want to know Lance, to understand him better as a friend and team mate, drove Keith to continue.

Opening the notebook, he was slightly disappointed to see one short written note. He could see the crossed out beginnings of earlier notes, the hesitance of the writer clear, as if they didn’t know how to begin, “A lot of this isn’t going to make sense to you, and I’m sorry about that. I was hoping to one day tell you about the wonders of our family, but just in case, I’ve left a video recording for you to try and help you understand why this happened to you.”

Keith looked up to see Hunk rooting through several cassettes before pulling one labeled ‘McClain House and family history, by Alexa McClain for Lance McClain.’ Pidge, who’s eye had been caught by an innocuous looking cassette player, grabbed it and handed it to Hunk, who put the cassette into it. 

A video recording flickered to life on the small screen, which led to Allura standing up, hunting for something to hopefully enlarge the image so they could all see it clearly. After having found it, they connected it with some difficulty to the cassette player before starting the video again. There were a few moments of shaky fiddling with the camera before a young woman appeared on the screen, a bright-if a little sad-smile stretching her full lips and freckled cheeks beautifully. Brown skin seemed to glow healthily in the sunlight as she waved to the video camera, blue eyes sparkling. 

The team were entranced by the young woman, who tucked a loose lock of curly brown hair behind her ear. She seemed to be standing on the edge of a forest, a warm jacket-Shiro was struck with the knowledge that it was Lance’s jacket- covering her shoulders, well worn gloves wrapped her hands and fingers comfortably. The camera dipped slightly and the team’s breath caught as they saw the glimpse of a slightly rounded belly under a faded gray shirt spattered with glittery stars and planets, the words ‘Nasa, show me the aliens’ written in a bold silver across what was clearly a pregnancy bump. 

The woman seemed to lift it up again, camera still shaking as she muttered lowly before clearing her throat, bright smile firmly in place once more, “Hello Lance,” She started, voice soft and sweet, “Oh, God, that sounded awfully formal, I’m giving you the wrong impression of me.” She giggled, blue eyes bright with happiness as she adjusted the camera once again, “Let’s start over. Hey there Lance, it’s me, your mom, Alexa, which you probably already know,” She giggled again, “This is gonna be a long video, so you might wanna grab something to eat, drink and find somewhere to sit comfortably. You can pause the video, don’t worry, I’ll still be here when you get back.”

There was a short pause before Alexa shuffled slightly, a soft look in her eyes, “You comfy? Yeah? Okay, let’s begin,” her smile faltered slightly as she sighed, the team settling back comfortably as they watched this woman, Lance’s mom, on the screen. Pidge lay on their belly, Hunk leaned back on his hands, eyes never leaving the screen, in awe of how much Lance and Alexa looked similar. Keith seemed to lay back, using a couple of pillows to prop himself up, Shiro sitting cross-legged next to him. Coran and Allura were curled up together, the mice taking up residence within Allura’s long hair. 

“So,” Alexa began, the movement in the background of the film suggesting that she’d started walking, “I guess I should start at the beginning, with the house.”

Alexa’s eyes drifted away from the camera briefly as she stepped over a fallen branch, careful to keep her footing and the camera as steady as possible. She knew, logically, that she probably shouldn’t have come here while four months pregnant, but something about the time had seemed right when she’d found the letter her mother had left for her. Recently 18, the young woman felt that, considering her family history, that she should leave something behind for her son should anything happen to her. 

“I lived here till I was eleven, but I wasn’t allowed inside half of the rooms,” She continued from where she’d left off, moving the camera to catch sight of the family house looming in the distance. It looked just as she and her mother had left it all those years ago, tall and imposing against the sky line, a hodge-podge of built in rooms and areas of the house stacked crookedly atop one another. A tower rose from one side of the room in counterpoint to the relatively tree-house looking other side of the roof. Alexa thought she could perhaps hear the creaking of the buildings as a gust of wind swept past her, sending her hair batting into her face.

Spitting hair from out of her mouth, her eyes locked onto a tree nearby. The washed out, moldy image of a missing persons poster left a stab of pain in her heart; the camera was pointed to the slightly blurry image of a happily smiling boy, a paper crown resting atop his curly hair. She could almost feel the mischief pouring out from his grayed our eyes before she locked eyes with the camera once more, “My brother Cameron went missing when I was four,” She said seriously, a frown pursing her lips up sadly, “It was like the house had swallowed him up. I hadn’t been back since my brother Joseph’s funeral.” 

She paused as she walked comfortably for a while longer, taking in the sights of the forest around her with a small, barely there smile. She turned her attention back to the camera as she rounded the curved edge of the road. A mailbox came into view, and Alexa found herself grinning at the sight of the miniature family house that played the mailbox. Opening it, she grimaced at the mail left inside, the smell of mold and wet paper making her feel slightly nauseous. “Looks like there’s still bills in here from seven years ago...” Alexa muttered, pulling them out after opening the mailbox, flitting through them, snickering at the ‘urgent, open immediately’ that was stamped on the envelopes. Putting them back inside the mailbox, she shut it before turning the camera back to her face.

“In her will, my mother left me a key, but didn’t tell me what it unlocked,” Alexa huffed, walking down the winding path, coming closer and closer to the old house. There was a sense of discomfort, a feeling that the house was waking up, waiting for her, “Maybe she thought I’d know... Or maybe she thought the mystery would be enough to bring me back .” Alexa knew she was probably just talking to fill in the silence, but she felt that she needed to distract herself from where she was going. Through muscle memory, she turned into the small, narrow and steep path to the side of the road, where the sign ‘The McClains’ pointed her to. 

“The truth is,” she murmured, “even after I inherited the house, I never thought I’d come back to it.” She paused, looking down the path and felt an overwhelming wave of nostalgia wash over her, “But I knew I had questions about my, our family that only the house knew the answers to.”

Alexa felt determination fill her, despite the discomforting feeling she got from both the house and the woods surrounding her, “The woods around the house have always been uncomfortably silent, as if they’re about to say something but never... do...” She trailed off, allowing the silence of the forest to permeate the video for a moment, before she continued her trek.

It wasn’t long before she came across the house. Standing in the shadow of the family house, Alexa felt as if she had gone back to being that small, helpless eleven year old again. The thought squeezed her heart as she tipped her head back, the hand not holding the camera coming to rest on her rounded belly protectively. Here, in the stillness of the woods, the house looming above her, she could clearly remember that old fear from her childhood, the fear that the house would just swallow her up and never let her go. She shuddered, partly from the cooling Autumn air and partly from the uneasy feeling she got from staring at the house. “It looks exactly like it did when we left... looks exactly like how I’ve dreamt about it these past seven years...” She murmured softly, shoulders tensing as she looked away from the house.

Breathing deep, she started walking up to the house, hands shaking slightly as she did. “You know, as a kid, I used to be really scared of the house,” Alexa hummed, letting her hand gently trail over the overgrown garden fences, “I couldn’t ever really explain why.” She mumbled, walking up the porch, spotting the old pots and potting earth left behind by her family oh so long ago. 

Coming up to the door, she held up the small key left to her by her mother, frowning when she inserted it into the lock and it didn’t open. “Damn, I thought this would unlock the front door.” She huffed, kneeling down to look through the mail slot and into the house. A chill rushed down her spine as she did so. It felt like the house had been... waiting for her to come back. Swallowing thickly, Alexa stood back up, looking around for a moment. Softly, she could hear the chiming of wind bells coming from the side of the house, and chuckled softly before turning to go past the front of the house and towards the side. 

Coming up to the side door, she paused to tap on the wind chime, sending a soft tinkling over the silent forest. Inserting the key into the door, she frowned as it, too, didn’t unlock. Glancing down, Alexa saw the old, cracked doggy-door and frowned, before groaning. “Looks like this is the only way inside, huh, Lancey?” She cooed to her belly, kneeling in front of the doggy door and moving the flap to the side. Pushing the camera through the doggy-door, she crawled into the house, bracing her hand against the door behind her to help herself get up. Alexa pat her hands clean on her jeans, before bending and picking the camera back up from the floor, “Used to be a lot easier when I was just eleven.” She grumbled, sending an unamused look into the camera before pointing it to look into the garage. 

Turning back to the door, she tried to flip on the lights, groaning when it didn’t turn on, “Right, the power was turned off the night mom and I left...” Alexa sighed, turning to walk around the old, abandoned car and towards the door she knew would lead into the kitchen area. She allowed the camera to trail over the wood working spaces, catching the soft rays of sunlight that filtered in through the upper windows of the garage, remembering days where she and her brothers, great-grandmother Emma and mom would work on various house projects that had to be done.

 Opening the door to the kitchen, Alexa breathed out a soft sound, a wave of welcoming, dread, and wistfulness coming over her. The kitchen, messy and unorganized, left the way it had been that last night in the house, greeted her and the camera. Dishes were still piled up in the sink, unopened cans of salmon sat on the counter tops, and she could barely, but just about, see the opened and abandoned boxes of Chinese food on the dining table from where she stood.

She was silent for a moment, taking in the dilapidated, dirty old kitchen. Turning the camera to her face, ignoring her own watery eyes and sadder smile, she cleared her throat, “Welcome home, Lance and Alexa.”

so uhhh...i finished ultra sun/moon’s main “story” and here are my Thoughts 

all im gonna say above the tline if you want a good gameplay game, both sun and moon and ultra sun and ultra moon works 

if you were looking of a game with genuine emotion/one where lillie and gladion get any further development and their characters dont feel tacked on and cheap...play sun and moon lmao

ok im gonna go good first bc unfortunately i have a lot of bad stuff to talk about and i mean i ALOT which is annoying since i spent 40 fucking pound on this game 

good

god the top screen graphics were really nice like it looked so much more vibrant and the water and grass looked BEAUTIFUL 

the ultra recon squad were great, especially when phyco wanted to throw down with lusamine like same binch 

poipole is SO CUTE AAAAAAAAA 

more ilima content?? THANKS GAMEFREAK AAAAAAAAA literally like??? you see him at the trainers school, then in hao’oli city, then again in hau’oli, then for his trial, then after hala’s and then he’s a part of mina’s??? and he shows up for the festival and he also has 2 sidequests where you get to talk to him and stuff??? and you get some backstory? NICE 

also seeing him with more than 2 pokemon was nice thanks 

like honestly when i asked for more ilima content i didn’t think i’d get it bjdgkdsgkdfs 

mina being more prominent was nice 

TOTEM RIBOMBEE THANK YOU FOR SHOWCASING THIS AMAZING POKE 

mantine surfing is cute 

as someone who only played moon and not sun, im glad i got to fight kiawe this time around! 

gong up to pokemon on the street and getting to like play peekaboo with them? incredible 

elite 4 molayne was pretty damn cool

the sheer amount of cool little sidequests was really fucking cool, i still haven’t done them all/found them all probably???? i like how they’re more extnsive than in sun and moon, like the letters, the dugtrio girl, the hypno thing with ilima

speaking of ‘THEY STOLE MY NUGGET’ BNKJDSGNDSKJGDSG

also that tiny sidequest on route 15/16 where there’s a sandygast and if you talk to the kid he’s all ‘look what i made!’ and then the sandygast turns round and its like ‘SAND!!! DEE!!! GAST!!! with like a zoom in on each pause JKSDGDSKGSDG 

hau really comes into his own in this game, honestly he and guzma are the only characters from sun and moon that actually get any significant character development, and i love hau a lot bc he’s super sweet so?? getting to see him more and see his motivations, and show how close you and him are was a delight, like it almost, almost saves the game for me like hau....thank u b without you i WOULD have thrown this game out the window

o yeah speaking of YOU HAVE TO BATTLE HAU FOR THE TITLE OF ALOLA’S CHAPMION AAAAAA now i’m kinda mixed abt this bc honestly i loved fighting kukui, which y’know, doesnt happen in this game (unless he’s gonna challenge you when you redo the elite 4) and it felt like more was at stake?? like the music was better and kukui was harder so???? idk it still gave me chills fighting hau tho 

the rotomdex was sweet overall, though i do have my problems 

the music that plays when necrozma comes out of the ultra wormhole was incredible, it took my breath away 

bad 

this game took away almost every ounce of charm and emotion that sun and moon had and i’m absolutely furious, i get this game was more about the gameplay, but emotional highlights in sun and moon just didn’t happen, lillie and gladion and nebby got COMPLETELY shafted, and everything that made sun and moon so great story wise was gone

what i mean by that is the main driving force behind sun and moon was lusamine being the evil fuck that she’s supposed to be, and gladion and lillie’s absolute defiance to that, growing, tearing away from their mother and becoming their own people!! it was amazing, inspiring, especially in lillie’s case, seeing her go from quiet and timid to defying her mother to her face, shouting and making her point!!! that didn’t happen here, like yeah they run away, but bc of what they did to lusamine’s character, it felt nowhere near as impactful, and i really didn’t feel for lillie and gladion at all?? or nebby???? 

they tried to keep some things the same, but with lusamine’s character suddenly being all over the place, like the whole ‘oh she has good intentions, but she thinks she knows the best for everyone and does stuff no matter if it’s what people want or not’ but then they kept juxtaposing this, she calls lillie and gladion wretches, then she calls nebby gallant for loving lillie, she still has pokemon frozen in her fucknig hidden room, yet hau calls her a good person like???? what???? it doesnt work?? her characterisation was all over the place, and having her be good and stay at the end pissed me off SOOOOOO MUCH because like....i don’t like lusamine in sun and moon, she’s an evil fuck who was awful to her kids, but what she did made me adore lillie and gladion, and lusamine was a good character, not from a moral standpoint, but from a written standpoint, she was written so well and SOOO EVILLY and they just took that away, and it made none of lillie and gladion’s stuff make any sense??? which really pissed me off bcsun and moon was such a story driven game, it wasnt really about the protagonist, it was about lillie and nebby and their journey!

speaking of, watching lillie get forced down to a side character in this game was the worst, she doesnt go with you to exeggutor island and have tat amazing speech, she doesnt go through the ultra wormhole with you she’s just...there...and her changing into her z powered form in this game felt so forced bc like...what has she been through really, like she run away with nebby yeah, then her mum was like?? being kinda reasonable then not, and oh she went in the wormhole???? that whole aether scene felt so underwhelming, the music didn’t even change when nebby was getting hurt, unlike the other one, with lusamine’s characterisation being all over the place, it made lillie and gladion’s “arcs” in this game seem so weak and cheap 

oh yeah speaking of the aether scene what the FUCK was up with gladion like ‘oh take me with you null was made to be a beast killer!’ are you TELLING ME that after gladion says cosmog will bring disaster and they have to save it he’d REALLY try to go with, which obvious would fucking HURT NEBBY??? WEAK GAME FREAK WEAK 

can’t you tell they REALLY forgot to add anything on type null/silvally it was just...there 

gladion just randomly leaving at the end was fucking insulting, it was insulting because you can TELL they tried to add a tiny bit of emotion by paralleling lillie leaving in sun and moon but??? it doesnt work??? gladion barely has any development in this game/a big amazing arc like lillie did, you arent there to see him off, so it just genuinely feels insulting, especially since gladion actually had no reason to fucking leave lmao 

lusamine’s not obsessed with nihilego anymore?? TERRIBLE that was like her defining fucking trait??? 

also like...what was the point of nihilego coming through the wormhole at paradise, that scene has no fucking relevance/the same impact/foreshadowing or anything, it was literally just to be like ‘oh yeah that’s an ultra beast’ that was IT

now like what they COULD have done was have lusamine obsessed with NECROZMA this time around, she wants it so she can take away alola’s light, so she can catch it and use it WHY WASNT THAT THE STORY, AND SHE COULD STILL BE AWFUL AND EVIL AND CRAZY AND IT COULD MAKE LILLIE AND GLADION’S DEFIANCE ACTUALLY FUCKING MEAN SOMETHING, AND NEBBY GETTING ABSORBED BY NECROZMA HAVE SO MUCH MORE SIGNIFICANCE, IT WOULD PARALLEL THE CONTROLLING/ABUSIVE WAY LUSAMINE ACTS TOWARDS HER CHILDREN and they had SUCH A GOOD OPPORTUNITY HERE THAT THEY MISSED 

there wasn't that amazing set of credits with the photos of all the characters you’ve grown to adore in this??? and that picture that rotom snaps of you in sun and moon you dont even fucking see it in this, despite rotom still taking it?? fuck this 

my 5 FAVOURITE QUOTES WERE TAKEN AWAY ALL OF MY FUCKING FAVOURITES rotom calling ilima a dreamboat, that bit where lillie says ‘ Whenever I feel like there's nothing I can do, you seem to show up and...you do something. Every time, you've shown me that it's possible... to do something.’ that AMAZING bit where she goes off at her mum like ‘Children... Children are not just THINGS that belong to their parents! Pokémon are not just THINGS that a Trainer can do whatever they want to! I am alive! Cosmog is alive! We are not things for you to collect!, that bit right at the end where she's narrating the credits  ‘ Everyone's smiles shine so brightly. Those smiles led us to so many other people. And those meetings will lead us to a bright future. I'm so glad I got to meet everyone. I'm so glad I got to meet you.’  and the last one is Plumeria’s incredible line which really made me like her when she was like ‘no one can make up for what they've done if they're gone’ ever SINGLE ONE OF THESE WAS GONE basically they took lillie’s best lines, and they took plumeria and rotoms best lines

despite everything, we didn’t... actually learn where necrozma, solgaleo and lunala actually...come from/their origins like??? we’ve learnt there’s multiple lunala and solgaleo, seemingly only one necrozma, but like?? are they ultra beasts or not?? why dont beast balls work then lmao??? 

i’m sorry i love lillie but....i’d 100% rather have this amazing strong incredible lillie in sun and moon leave and make my heart wrench and make me cry bc it was so emotional and beautiful, than have this usum lillie stay around, this one who hasnt been through everything, who hasn’t had this amazing beautiful arc, who just randomly gave me nebby, with the whole catching nebby scene completely tacked on with none of the emotional impact that the sun and moon catching nebby scene had, who was reduced to such a side character that i cant possibly feel the same emotion for her

i just...i know pokemon games have always been about gameplay, and sun and moon was an exception but,....sun and moon was the first mainstream pokemon game i’ve ever played, and it blew me away, it was breathtaking, incredible, it was the best fucknig game i’ve ever played, it has the best fucking story i’ve ever had the honor of playing, it was complex, deeply emotional, and still so so wholesome, despite all the awful stuff that happens, it was beautiful, heartwarming, heartbreaking, i loved it and it will forever have a place in my heart, so playing this...and watching the characters i love being forced aside, with everything i love about them being gone was the most disappointing thing i’ve ever had to witness and it’s made me furious to the point where i barely even want to play through the post game rainbow rocket shit (if hau comes along then i will, if it’s just lillie and guzma, then....i dont know) because what’s the fucking point honestly