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crytill5am-blog · 7 years

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All That Remains of Lance McClain Part 3

hey all, sorry i wasn’t as active recently, I had to study for an exam that i really really needed to pass! Anyway, here’s part 3 of my what remains of edith finch au

i had some trouble coming up with a way to connect lance to the game in a way that would make sense, considering how the game actually plays out in the end and i think i’ve come up with a good alternative?? anyway, please enjoy! I did cut it off at a cliff hanger, bc i felt like it was getting a bit too long. I will be continuing it soon, so don’t worry abt that!

Preview:

Keith looked up to see Hunk rooting through several cassettes before pulling one labeled ‘McClain House and family history, by Alexa McClain for Lance McClain.’ Pidge, who’s eye had been caught by an innocuous looking cassette player, grabbed it and handed it to Hunk, who put the cassette into it.

Lance had been in the pod for all of a week, and the tension was mounting within the castle of lions.

Everyone was trying to occupy themselves. Hunk spent a majority of the time working on repairing Blue or cluttering around in the kitchen or just chilling next to Lance’s pod, chattering softly to his comatose best friend. Pidge was hell bent on coding, taking very brief breaks for food and water, eyes red rimmed and dry every time they wandered into the kitchen. Keith isolated himself to the training deck, the bridge, his own room, he just generally avoided the others best he could.

Shiro and Allura were too busy forming alternate plans for Galra attacks, and Coran spent much time either monitoring Lance’s progress or obsessively cleaning every inch of the castle. He was still cheery, greeting everyone and starting conversations, but everyone could tell his heart wasn’t truly in it.

Everyone tried to avoid one another in some way. The elephant in the room was too big to truly confront at this moment in time while Lance was still in the pod. They wanted to talk about the vision, the last glimpse they’d gotten into Lance’s head before the electric blast had cut off his connection fully from them. They didn’t know how to approach it, the mystery of Lance’s origins starting to crack, laying waste to the comfortable foundation the blue paladin had laid for the team, helping to bring them together. That familiarity and comfort was gone now, shattered and leaving the paladins floundering for answers to questions they didn’t know who to ask.

So they waited. And as one week passed into two, then three, the team came together in a clash of hurtful accusations and floundering panic. They hadn’t truly realised the extent to which Lance helped to keep them together, the glue that helped the paladins form the bonds of friendship and camaraderie. Keith looked like he was about to throttle Pidge, who stood next to Hunk defensively, Shiro holding Keith back by his right arm. Allura and Coran could only watch helplessly as the paladins crumbled, lack of sleep and the gaping hole of their missing Blue leaving jagged, open and undefended minds and hearts laid bare.

Blue roared in her hangar, and brought the fighting to a stop. Images flashed within the paladins’ minds, their Lions connecting together to help Blue reach the paladins. Images of Lance in the cockpit, taking out and hiding stacks of notebooks, cassettes, letters, reading them, looking at Polaroid photos in the comfort and security of his Lion.

Blue beckoned them, invited them in, showed them the hidden compartment within her flight deck. She was tired of the tension, the bickering, the uncertainty. She knew her paladin’s team mates needed answers, and she would give them. Perhaps then her cub would heal, the mind wounds festering and growing inside him as the team fell apart. She needed to bring them together, to tether Lance to this plane of existence. She refused to let him slip quietly, without a fight, from this world, into the claws of the darkness that hungered for him.

Hunk was the first to reach the hangars, marching over to Blue and scrambling into her cockpit, immediately reaching for the hidden stash of secrets that Lance had kept from them. He needed to know, felt the itch of unknown knowledge claw at his fingertips as he grabbed everything hidden within. Hearing the others rush into the hangar, Hunk gingerly came back out, holding the stack of ancient looking information gently, carefully, afraid of damaging his friend’s property.

“Hunk, I really think we should wait for Lance to come to us with this! We’re betraying his trust by snooping into his past, I know you’re upset but-”

Hunk glared at Shiro, holding the stack tightly to his chest, away from his leader’s reaching grip, “No. We need to find out what’s happening to Lance. We need to know what’s been bothering him so much that he didn’t feel comfortable with telling us in the first place. We-” Hunk broke off, taking in a sharp breath as he tried to keep himself from crying, “I need to know, Shiro.”

The older paladin faltered, eyes shutting. Shiro just, felt so tired. Lance’s continued stay within the healing pods was taking so much emotional energy from the team. Opening his dark eyes and looking at the anxious group before him, he breathed deeply. His own intrinsic need to know what had been bothering Lance washing over him as he saw the pleading look in Hunk’s and Pidge’s expressions, Keith’s fierce worry, Allura and Coran’s bone deep exhaustion and found himself nodding, “Alright. Let’s go to the living room and... take a look at this.”

The group shuffled out of the hangars, calmly walking into the living area and spreading themselves out over the floor. Pillows were stripped from the couches for comfortable seating as Pidge helped Hunk spread the collection of notebooks, letters, photos, cassettes, cassette player and paintings over the floor between everyone.

The group faltered. There was just... so much here. Where would they start? How would they know what to read to truly understand what and why Lance had hidden this from them.

As always when it came to impulsive decisions, Keith snatched up the newest looking notebook. “’Property of Alexa McClain, for-” He faltered, shoulders slumping, “-for Lance McClain.’” Looking up from the cover of the book, he met the eyes of everyone in the circle, a flash of uncertainty marring his features. After all, he knew he and Lance weren’t the closest of the paladins, and this felt too personal for Keith to read. However, the want to know Lance, to understand him better as a friend and team mate, drove Keith to continue.

Opening the notebook, he was slightly disappointed to see one short written note. He could see the crossed out beginnings of earlier notes, the hesitance of the writer clear, as if they didn’t know how to begin, “A lot of this isn’t going to make sense to you, and I’m sorry about that. I was hoping to one day tell you about the wonders of our family, but just in case, I’ve left a video recording for you to try and help you understand why this happened to you.”

A video recording flickered to life on the small screen, which led to Allura standing up, hunting for something to hopefully enlarge the image so they could all see it clearly. After having found it, they connected it with some difficulty to the cassette player before starting the video again. There were a few moments of shaky fiddling with the camera before a young woman appeared on the screen, a bright-if a little sad-smile stretching her full lips and freckled cheeks beautifully. Brown skin seemed to glow healthily in the sunlight as she waved to the video camera, blue eyes sparkling.

The team were entranced by the young woman, who tucked a loose lock of curly brown hair behind her ear. She seemed to be standing on the edge of a forest, a warm jacket-Shiro was struck with the knowledge that it was Lance’s jacket- covering her shoulders, well worn gloves wrapped her hands and fingers comfortably. The camera dipped slightly and the team’s breath caught as they saw the glimpse of a slightly rounded belly under a faded gray shirt spattered with glittery stars and planets, the words ‘Nasa, show me the aliens’ written in a bold silver across what was clearly a pregnancy bump.

The woman seemed to lift it up again, camera still shaking as she muttered lowly before clearing her throat, bright smile firmly in place once more, “Hello Lance,” She started, voice soft and sweet, “Oh, God, that sounded awfully formal, I’m giving you the wrong impression of me.” She giggled, blue eyes bright with happiness as she adjusted the camera once again, “Let’s start over. Hey there Lance, it’s me, your mom, Alexa, which you probably already know,” She giggled again, “This is gonna be a long video, so you might wanna grab something to eat, drink and find somewhere to sit comfortably. You can pause the video, don’t worry, I’ll still be here when you get back.”

There was a short pause before Alexa shuffled slightly, a soft look in her eyes, “You comfy? Yeah? Okay, let’s begin,” her smile faltered slightly as she sighed, the team settling back comfortably as they watched this woman, Lance’s mom, on the screen. Pidge lay on their belly, Hunk leaned back on his hands, eyes never leaving the screen, in awe of how much Lance and Alexa looked similar. Keith seemed to lay back, using a couple of pillows to prop himself up, Shiro sitting cross-legged next to him. Coran and Allura were curled up together, the mice taking up residence within Allura’s long hair.

“So,” Alexa began, the movement in the background of the film suggesting that she’d started walking, “I guess I should start at the beginning, with the house.”

Alexa’s eyes drifted away from the camera briefly as she stepped over a fallen branch, careful to keep her footing and the camera as steady as possible. She knew, logically, that she probably shouldn’t have come here while four months pregnant, but something about the time had seemed right when she’d found the letter her mother had left for her. Recently 18, the young woman felt that, considering her family history, that she should leave something behind for her son should anything happen to her.

“I lived here till I was eleven, but I wasn’t allowed inside half of the rooms,” She continued from where she’d left off, moving the camera to catch sight of the family house looming in the distance. It looked just as she and her mother had left it all those years ago, tall and imposing against the sky line, a hodge-podge of built in rooms and areas of the house stacked crookedly atop one another. A tower rose from one side of the room in counterpoint to the relatively tree-house looking other side of the roof. Alexa thought she could perhaps hear the creaking of the buildings as a gust of wind swept past her, sending her hair batting into her face.

Spitting hair from out of her mouth, her eyes locked onto a tree nearby. The washed out, moldy image of a missing persons poster left a stab of pain in her heart; the camera was pointed to the slightly blurry image of a happily smiling boy, a paper crown resting atop his curly hair. She could almost feel the mischief pouring out from his grayed our eyes before she locked eyes with the camera once more, “My brother Cameron went missing when I was four,” She said seriously, a frown pursing her lips up sadly, “It was like the house had swallowed him up. I hadn’t been back since my brother Joseph’s funeral.”

She paused as she walked comfortably for a while longer, taking in the sights of the forest around her with a small, barely there smile. She turned her attention back to the camera as she rounded the curved edge of the road. A mailbox came into view, and Alexa found herself grinning at the sight of the miniature family house that played the mailbox. Opening it, she grimaced at the mail left inside, the smell of mold and wet paper making her feel slightly nauseous. “Looks like there’s still bills in here from seven years ago...” Alexa muttered, pulling them out after opening the mailbox, flitting through them, snickering at the ‘urgent, open immediately’ that was stamped on the envelopes. Putting them back inside the mailbox, she shut it before turning the camera back to her face.

“In her will, my mother left me a key, but didn’t tell me what it unlocked,” Alexa huffed, walking down the winding path, coming closer and closer to the old house. There was a sense of discomfort, a feeling that the house was waking up, waiting for her, “Maybe she thought I’d know... Or maybe she thought the mystery would be enough to bring me back .” Alexa knew she was probably just talking to fill in the silence, but she felt that she needed to distract herself from where she was going. Through muscle memory, she turned into the small, narrow and steep path to the side of the road, where the sign ‘The McClains’ pointed her to.

“The truth is,” she murmured, “even after I inherited the house, I never thought I’d come back to it.” She paused, looking down the path and felt an overwhelming wave of nostalgia wash over her, “But I knew I had questions about my, our family that only the house knew the answers to.”

Alexa felt determination fill her, despite the discomforting feeling she got from both the house and the woods surrounding her, “The woods around the house have always been uncomfortably silent, as if they’re about to say something but never... do...” She trailed off, allowing the silence of the forest to permeate the video for a moment, before she continued her trek.

It wasn’t long before she came across the house. Standing in the shadow of the family house, Alexa felt as if she had gone back to being that small, helpless eleven year old again. The thought squeezed her heart as she tipped her head back, the hand not holding the camera coming to rest on her rounded belly protectively. Here, in the stillness of the woods, the house looming above her, she could clearly remember that old fear from her childhood, the fear that the house would just swallow her up and never let her go. She shuddered, partly from the cooling Autumn air and partly from the uneasy feeling she got from staring at the house. “It looks exactly like it did when we left... looks exactly like how I’ve dreamt about it these past seven years...” She murmured softly, shoulders tensing as she looked away from the house.

Breathing deep, she started walking up to the house, hands shaking slightly as she did. “You know, as a kid, I used to be really scared of the house,” Alexa hummed, letting her hand gently trail over the overgrown garden fences, “I couldn’t ever really explain why.” She mumbled, walking up the porch, spotting the old pots and potting earth left behind by her family oh so long ago.

Coming up to the door, she held up the small key left to her by her mother, frowning when she inserted it into the lock and it didn’t open. “Damn, I thought this would unlock the front door.” She huffed, kneeling down to look through the mail slot and into the house. A chill rushed down her spine as she did so. It felt like the house had been... waiting for her to come back. Swallowing thickly, Alexa stood back up, looking around for a moment. Softly, she could hear the chiming of wind bells coming from the side of the house, and chuckled softly before turning to go past the front of the house and towards the side.

Coming up to the side door, she paused to tap on the wind chime, sending a soft tinkling over the silent forest. Inserting the key into the door, she frowned as it, too, didn’t unlock. Glancing down, Alexa saw the old, cracked doggy-door and frowned, before groaning. “Looks like this is the only way inside, huh, Lancey?” She cooed to her belly, kneeling in front of the doggy door and moving the flap to the side. Pushing the camera through the doggy-door, she crawled into the house, bracing her hand against the door behind her to help herself get up. Alexa pat her hands clean on her jeans, before bending and picking the camera back up from the floor, “Used to be a lot easier when I was just eleven.” She grumbled, sending an unamused look into the camera before pointing it to look into the garage.

Turning back to the door, she tried to flip on the lights, groaning when it didn’t turn on, “Right, the power was turned off the night mom and I left...” Alexa sighed, turning to walk around the old, abandoned car and towards the door she knew would lead into the kitchen area. She allowed the camera to trail over the wood working spaces, catching the soft rays of sunlight that filtered in through the upper windows of the garage, remembering days where she and her brothers, great-grandmother Emma and mom would work on various house projects that had to be done.

Opening the door to the kitchen, Alexa breathed out a soft sound, a wave of welcoming, dread, and wistfulness coming over her. The kitchen, messy and unorganized, left the way it had been that last night in the house, greeted her and the camera. Dishes were still piled up in the sink, unopened cans of salmon sat on the counter tops, and she could barely, but just about, see the opened and abandoned boxes of Chinese food on the dining table from where she stood.

She was silent for a moment, taking in the dilapidated, dirty old kitchen. Turning the camera to her face, ignoring her own watery eyes and sadder smile, she cleared her throat, “Welcome home, Lance and Alexa.”

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crytill5am-blog · 7 years

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All That Remains of Lance McClain

This is my sort-of-not-really-au based off of the game ‘What Remains of Edith Finch’ which is a hella creepy game I’ve been watching someone playthrough for a while now and its??? so??? good????

you can find more about this: here

Hiding his family diaries had never been so difficult.

Lance McClain, last of the McClain line, sighed, staring down at the small stack of books he held within his hands. Why couldn’t he have grabbed more clothes or beauty products and shoved them into his bag, he’ll never know [he does, he knows the reason, can feel the energy from the books, the knowledge, the history in his hands, and has to ignore the urge to open them and spend hours between the pages].

Swallowing thickly, the blue paladin looked around his small room within the castle ship, hoping to find any sort of hiding spot where he could stash the books. There was no way he’d be able to store them here without at least one of the team finding and reading them, especially if it happened to be Hunk. Lance loved his friend, cared for him fiercely, but he knew Hunk’s penchant for snooping, and knew that all the secrets he’d been trying to keep from the team would be unraveled should Hunk find the books.

The mystery of his fierce and aching homesickness, worse than any of the other paladin’s, would be made clear for any and all if Hunk found the books. He’d already worked so damn hard to take as much attention off himself as he could, sabotaging his intelligence and introverted nature by making himself seem as obnoxious and loud as seemingly possible. It wasn’t hard, all things considered; a couple not-so-subtle digs at Keith, half hearted flirting with Allura, and horribly bad jokes made Lance McClain seem as normal and outgoing a person as he could be.

Opening the door to his room, Lance glanced around the silent, darkened hallways for any late night walkers, knowing that Shiro’s nightmares often kept him awake at night and Pidge’s obsession over finding her father and brother made it highly likely for either or both of them to still be awake at this hour. Not that Lance could really say that he hadn’t ever spent countless nights awake in his own fear back on earth, but Lance relished his time in space [so, so very far away from his old family home, from the hurt and the horror he’d left behind, so far away from the filled up cemetery and the house that always seemed hungry], due to the ability to easily sleep most nights now.

Seeing no one wandering the halls, and not hearing the clack-clack-clacking of Pidge’s keyboard, the blue paladin quietly exited his room, making his way down to the Lion hangars. The eerie silence of the castle made Lance twitch, thoughts and memories clouding his mind briefly as he tried to hurry his way down to Blue.

“Lance? What’re you doing up, bud?”

Lance barely held back a loud shriek, sucking in a surprised breath and turning around so quickly he nearly got whiplash. Seeing that it was a tired Shiro, Lance scrambled to try and hide the small, precious pile of books and diaries and letters behind his back, out of his leader’s eyesight. The wide, panicked look on his face must have made Shiro pause, because the older paladin was staring a little suspiciously at his team mate.

“Oh, uh, hey, hi-Shiro! Wow, I didn’t, uh, expect you to, uhm, be awake at this hour-I was just heading down to the-the, uh, uhmm, the kitchens! Yeah! I woke up a little hungry for food-goo, so I thought I’d go, uh, grab something to munch before going back to bed!” Lance stammered, hiding the books behind his back and sucking on his bottom lip, heart beat hammering fast as he stood before Shiro. “What-uh, what are you doing up?”

Shiro seemed to huff in slight amusement and Lance fought back a grimace, hoping that Shiro would just let him walk away without any more invasive questions. “I couldn’t sleep,” His leader admitted uncomfortably, not bothering with expanding on his explanation as his eyes narrowed and flickered down to Lance’s arms, tilting his head as if he were trying to catch a glimpse of what Lance was carrying, “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll accompany you to the kitchen-”

“There’s no need!” Lance said quickly, the panic of being found out overriding his usual sensibility and he fought the urge to kick himself. Way to make yourself seem more suspicious dude. Shiro’s eyebrows rose and Lance cleared his throat nervously, “I’m uh, just getting one of those ration bars and then I’m gonna go back to bed, so there’s no, uh, reason for you to come with me, it’ll just be really boring anyway, you should really try getting some sleep yourself Shiro.”

Shiro stared at Lance dully for a moment, trying to work his sluggish brain through Lance’s word vomit. He shook his head and narrowed his eyes, even more suspicious than before, “Is... something the matter Lance? You seem a bit jumpy.”

The blue paladin chuckled uncomfortably, avoiding his leader’s eyes. He didn’t want to lie directly to Shiro’s face, but what else could he do? Tell him the truth? Lance didn’t think so, Shiro would probably think it was ridiculous anyway, he thought bitterly, “I’m just... homesick.” He admitted, though the words felt bitter and acidic in his mouth.

Lance glanced up and fought the urge to gag at the sympathy on Shiro’s face, a wave of bitterness cresting and settling within his lanky body. It’s not like his leader knew what Lance was hiding, there’s no way Shiro would be able to understand all the horror Lance had gone through simply for being of the McClain bloodline.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Shiro asked kindly, his heart going out to the blue paladin, knowing how much difficulty the younger man had with adjusting to being so far away from his family; after all, he and the rest of the team had seen the image of Lance’s family during the first mind meld, and every other mind melding training after that, even if he didn’t know that Lance’s family had all died out years before.

Lance shook his head sharply, gathering what he knew was a brittle smile to hide the pain that Shiro’s question brought. Lance so desperately wanted to confide in his leader, in his entire team really, but he knew how the others would see him if they knew the truth: unstable, a liar, and Lance just... couldn’t handle being called that by his space family.

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m just gonna grab something to eat before going back to bed. I’ll probably be fine after some sleep,” Lance said instead, giving his leader a much more genuine smile this time, “You just go on and get back to bed, Shiro. You really need to get more rest.”

Shiro hesitated before nodding, knowing that pushing Lance right now would probably be a bad idea. Moving to re-enter his room, the older paladin yawned and shot Lance a wave, “Goodnight then Lance. If you need to talk, you can always come wake me up, okay?”

The other paladin nodded and waved back, “Yeah, don’t worry about it, goodnight Shiro!”

Lance waited a few moments until he was certain that Shiro wouldn’t come back out before continuing on his way down to the Blue hangar. Heaving a sigh, the blue paladin clutched his family books to his chest as he entered, smiling softly and relaxing marginally at the warm, welcoming purr that Blue directed towards him. The knowledge that Blue knew everything, had seen through all his memories and thoughts and fears and had still chosen him despite them filled Lance’s chest with warmth and soft love, which he sent to his beautiful Lion.

“Hey girl,” he whispered quietly, moving towards her and entering her maw when she opened up for him easily, “Sorry to wake you, just wanted to come by and...” he drifted off, closing his eyes as Blue sent him soothing rumbles, an image of a semi-hidden nook behind the paladin seat filling his mind. Lance grinned, knowing that she was giving him permission to keep his deepest secrets here, even if she felt that he should confide within the team.

“I will, one day, I promise,” Lance soothed, patting her controls gently as he opened the secret compartment, getting a little thrill that he hasn’t felt since the last and final time he’d ever gone back to the family house. There was something so satisfying, and at the same time terrifying, in finding a secret passageway or hidden cupboard. Placing the books within the nook, Lance shut it and yawned tiredly, the sudden lack of the books’ energies leaving him exhausted and sleepy.

Exiting his Lion, Lance sent Blue a soft smile and a wave of affection, heading towards the hangar exit. “G’night Blue. See you in the morning.” He yawned, receiving the soft goodnight from his own Lion as he made his way back over to his room.

Curling himself up in the sheets of his bed, Lance shut his eyes, images of times and people long gone filling his sleeping mind.

#Lance #Lance VLD #Shiro #Shiro VLD #Hunk #Hunk VLD #Pidge #Pidge VLD #What Remains of Edith Finch #wref #vld #Voltron: Legendary Defender #All That Remains of Lance McClain AU #atrlm au #langst

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crytill5am-blog · 7 years

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All That Remains of Lance McClain Part 2

Hey all! I’m back with the ‘What Remains of Edith Finch’ AU that no one really asked for but that I’m writing ANYWAY! It’s a bit short, and doesn’t really lead anywhere plot-wise, but this part if more of a build up to the revelation of Lance’s past, which will be explored within the next part.

Since I finished watching the play through of this beautiful game [and cried thanks v much] I have to ask people to either go play/watch a play through of the game to avoid in game spoilers! It’s really great and I love the mixture of creepiness/melancholy/tragedy that you can find in the game, which my writing probably won’t be able to capture fully so please! Go check it out!

Preview:

“Does this have anything to do with those letters I saw you reading the other day?” Lance loved Hunk, fiercely, like a brother, but sometimes he desperately wished the other wasn’t so nosy.

Lance felt trapped.

He shouldn’t have let himself slip up so easily. Shouldn’t have kept visiting Blue in the middle of the night to read through the letters and notes left behind by his family. Should have known that he’d eventually be caught by the team, which would lead to uncomfortable revelations into Lance’s true past. Really, if he’d payed some extra attention to how many times he’d run into people while heading down to Blue’s hangar.

But no, he hadn’t. Which means that what could have been preventable, was now happening real time in Lance’s life.

It started, as all things do, an innocent remark tossed to Lance as he walked into the kitchen/dining area for breakfast. He’d been caught by Coran last night, wandering the hallways with headphones on, plugged into the tape recorder that had been stashed away with the rest of his family notes and letters in the hidden compartment in Blue. Coran had inquired about his recent sleeping patterns, being that Lance didn’t seem to be sleeping well recently, and all the others had suddenly rounded on Lance in concern for his well being.

Lance could only hope that he’d be able to diffuse their concerns. He didn’t want them to find out about his family legacy. Didn’t want to see the pity in their faces-he’d had enough of that growing up in the foster care system, thank you very much.

“Guys, it’s not such a big deal!” Lance huffed, not even meeting anyone’s eyes as he swallowed a mouthful of the food goo, appetite waning quickly with the looks he was getting from everyone, “I’ve just been spending more time bonding with Blue! We’re supposed to have strong connections to our Lions, right?”

Allura frowned, Shiro crossed his arms and Lance braced himself for a scolding, “That does not mean that you should forgo your own health, Lance,” Allura said seriously, tilting her head to get Lance to try and make eye contact so he could see her sincerity, “We’re simply worried that you are not resting enough during the night, which-I have been informed-will affect you humans negatively in the long run.”

Shiro nodded beside her, moving over to place a gentle hand on Lance’s shoulder. Lance had to fight the urges to either lean into the contact or flinch away from it. “Allura’s right, Lance. It isn’t healthy to only go to your Lion when you’re having problems sleeping,” A sympathetic look flashed over Shiro’s features, voice low and soft in a way that Lance absolutely hated-hated how it reminded him of the social workers taking him back from foster homes that didn’t always quite work out, their pity thick like tar as Lance tried so hard not to cry in the backseat.

Lance swallowed down the snappy reply that lingered at the tip of his tongue, mustering up a cheerful smile to hide the bitterness that festered in his chest, “Ah, yeah, I just haven’t been sleeping the best? And I don’t like bothering you guys with my homesick ass when you guys need sleep just as much as I do. Really, it’s not a big deal.”

“Does this have anything to do with those letters I saw you reading the other day?” Lance loved Hunk, fiercely, like a brother, but sometimes he desperately wished the other wasn’t so nosy.

“Or the recorded tape I saw you fiddling with when we got back from that meeting with the Coreklians?” Pidge piped up and Lance wished they could read his mind so that they would hush up about what they’d seen.

“Or how about the notebooks I’ve seen you wandering the halls with?” Keith asked, eyebrow raised skeptically and Lance really, really wanted to throttle is rival-turned-team mate-turned-friend.

It was silent for a few moments as they all kept looking at Lance, waiting for a reply from the blue paladin, who was trying so very hard not to let the acidic remarks he was thinking spew out of him. It felt too much like they were accusing him of something heinous, when really, all he was doing was keeping something extremely personal from the team-and yeah, that probably didn’t sound too good, considering they were supposed to be one hundred and fifty percent open with each other but Lance just couldn’t. It felt too personal, and he still wasn’t as comfortably close with the others as he felt he should be before they Unlocked His Tragic Backstory™.

“Guys,” He said, having calmed himself down some, enough that his voice wouldn’t shake and that his discomfort wouldn’t show on his face, “I appreciate that you’re all worried about me, but seriously. It’s not a big deal. I already had bad insomnia back on earth and could deal with it enough to get into the Garrison,” He smiled at them, genuinely grateful, before it fell and he looked at them seriously, “But I can’t tell you anything about the books, tapes or letters. They’re... very personal, and I don’t feel comfortable discussing them with all of you at this time,” he looked at his plate guiltily, avoiding the hurt looks the others must have on their faces, “I’m sorry.”

Shiro seemed to sigh deeply, feeling conflicted over Lance’s answer. While on one hand, he was fairly hurt that Lance didn’t seem to trust them enough to let them in more, he also understood that what Lance was hiding from them was so personal, that not even Hunk-who was Lance’s best friend and almost-brother-didn’t even know about the books. While he wanted to get Lance to open up to the team about it, be honest and bond, he didn’t want to push Lance away by being too nosy about it.

“Alright...” Shiro said hesitantly, pulling away from Lance and giving the younger man a reassuring smile once he looked up, “while I’m not happy that you’re willingly hiding something from the team, I can also respect that it’s a touchy subject for you, and is very personal and uncomfortable for you to talk about at this time.”

“However,” Allura continued, her own sweet, comforting smile in place as she drew Lance’s attention away from Shiro, “if this... secret that you are hiding from your fellow paladins truly has nothing to do with them, and will not effect the overall strength of the team and your ability to form Voltron, then we will wait patiently for you to open up to us about it.”

Hunk grinned at Lance, “Yeah bud, I don’t mind waiting till you’re ready to tell us what’s going on in that head of yours, and what those books and stuff have to do with it, but I just want you to know that no matter what, I’m here for you, ‘kay?”

“Same here,” Pidge huffed, their own smile practically mega-watt, though there was something sly to it.

Keith simply nodded, not seeing the need to add a verbal opinion as he tapped Lance’s hand, shooting the blue paladin a snarky grin.

“Quite right, my boy! If you ever have a need for an open ear, I am open to conversing any time!” Coran called to Lance enthusiastically from the kitchen, where he was trying to cook yet another monstrosity of a meal for the paladins to try later in the day.

Lance smiled, relief washing over him at his team’s understanding. He had no idea how he was ever going to be able to tell them the secret fears that plagued his mind, the tug in his navel that connected him to earth, to his old family house. Had no idea how he’d even be able to tell them all that he had no actual blood-related family, that he was the last of his line and that the curse on his family-whether it was real or not was debatable, but Lance had seen too much tragedy in his biological family to say there wasn’t some link to it-or how he was both terrified of returning to earth, yet also yearned for it.

But for now they wouldn’t ask, wouldn’t pry into the secrets that he kept hidden.

“Thanks guys,” He said, smile wide and genuine. He was just about to ask Coran what he planned to make for them when the alarm went off.

It was time to go battle.

Everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong in the end.

Lance found himself trapped, once again. Too many Galra ships surrounded his beautiful Blue, the sheer numbers causing panic to well up within him. Each ship he shot down was replaced by three more, like some creepy metallic Hydra-fleet of ships.

“Guys, I need some help over here!” He called out desperately over the comms, wincing when several ships shot Blue, his Lion roaring out a breath of ice, catching three of the awful purple and black ships. If he didn’t get any assistance now, he’d be overwhelmed, and there’s no way he’d be able to make it out and back to the castle in one piece.

“On your right!” Keith’s voice replied, and a blast of hot fire took down several of the ships beside Lance. The blue paladin let out a breath of relief, steering Blue to float beside Red, the two Lions working together to get rid of the swarming fleet so that they could fly back to the rest of the paladins a ways back.

“Thanks dude, I was in a bit of a jam back there!” Lance called to Keith cheerfully, who snorted at the blue paladin’s enthusiasm.

“Maybe pay a bit more attention to the number of ships you can take before you engage them next time, Lance,” Keith called over the comms, tone lightly amused, “Might not actually need some saving next time.”

“Pfft, and give you all the glory, mullet-head? Nah.”

Shiro sighed in fond exasperation at the two, ceasing what he knew would lead to some lengthy bickering between the two, “Alright, alright, enough. Come back here so we can form Voltron and get rid of the main ship.”

“You got it!” Lance cheered, flying into position. They quickly formed Voltron, connection sure and strong between the five of them and Lance allowed himself to revel in it for the time being. Blue purred warmly in the back of his mind, setting him more at ease than he had been.

Voltron made quick work of the main ship, the paladins allowing the sweet taste of victory to flow through the bond.

Lance should have payed more attention. He barely managed to catch a glimpse of several of the smaller ships doubling back towards Voltron, all their blasters aimed directly at Hunk’s side. Breathing in sharply, Lance cried out to Hunk, forcibly breaking Blue away from Voltron to take the hit, purple electricity clashing and invading Blue’s armour.

You know how water allows the travel of electricity through its particles, or how electric types are two times stronger than water types in Pokemon? The same seemed to extend to the Blue Lion.

For a moment, everything went still, the left over connection from Voltron still buzzing lightly in the back of Lance’s mind. In that split moment, he was reminded idly of when his great grandfather, Douglas McClain, hadn’t been paying attention to the buck his daughter, Melissa McClain, had shot. The memory from the photos flashed before him so vividly it almost felt like he was there-one moment Douglas had been holding up the head of the still twitching buck, wide smile proud, even as his daughter sobbed a ways away behind the camera, big body looking so comically large in comparison to the small cliff-top he stood on with his second wife.

He’d been too close to the edge, his footing hadn’t been sturdy, it had rained the night before. It didn’t matter the reason. One moment Douglas McClain had been placing the head of the dying deer back down on the ground to wave at his daughter, calling for a last snap shot-and the next, the buck’s head had tossed up, a last bursting struggle, the force strong enough to knock Douglas to the side. He slipped, the snap of the camera shutter loud in the quiet stillness between life and death... and then he was falling, falling, falling.

Once Douglas McClain’s body hit the forest earth with a sickening crunch, so too did Lance’s mind snap back to the present. A piercing scream left him, body convulsing in pain as the electricity fried his cockpit and rushed through him. Blue’s pained roars drowning out the shocked and panicked gasps from his team. Voltron’s mind connection finally broke as Lance idled in pained consciousness.

They saw it... He thought blearily, his mind feeling so, so tired and so far away from everything. I’ll... have to explain... later...

And with that last thought, Lance McClain, paladin of the Blue Lion, slipped into agonising unconsciousness.

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