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patt-writes-stuff · 3 years

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Violetgrass (Xiao x f!reader)

Pairing: Yan!Xiao x f!reader

Word count: 6.7K+

Warnings: not the most canon complaint cuz the timeline for the archon War is a little blurry? Angst with no happy ending, major and repeated character death, semi-detailed descriptions of blood, injuries, and violence. Unhealthy and toxic relationships, yandere themes, mentions of stalking, controlling behavior, mentions of kid-napping, forced captivity. Unhealthy mindsets and generally xiao’s kinda slowly losing his sanity. Some delusions. Allusions of starvation/dehydration (it’s like one sentence). Pleas do not read this if any of the previously mentioned topics trigger you in any way.

Genre: Angst and Yandere

Tags/Aus: Mythology Au, Reincarnation Au

Summary: You and Xiao were lovers during the Archon War. You were his paradise, his bliss, and, unfortunately, a fragile mortal who was taken away far too soon. However Celestina was kind enough, or perhaps cruel enough, to bring you back to Xiao, only to rip you out of his loving embrace once more. This happens again and again, each time far more painfully than the last. Even an Adeptus such as Xiao can only take so much before he snaps though. This time, he’s gonna make sure that no one, not even you, can take his bliss away.

A/N: This is my piece for the Attack on Academia Mythology Au Collab!! Be sure to check the rest of them, they’re all super awesome and made by amazing writers!

You’ve heard the myth about the Vigilant Yaksha and the violetgrass maiden, haven’t you?

It’s said that the two are eternally intertwined, destined to love each other, only to be ripped apart by both her mortality and the cruelty of the gods. The tale itself goes like this…

The first time the Adeptus and his mortal lover met was back when the Archon War was still roaring. The smell of blood and misery filled the air and Rex Lapis had yet to claim his title as the Geo Archon. Despite this, some managed to find joy and serenity in these troubling periods.

The maiden was one of those people. She found joy in frolicking through the fields and climbing the highest mountains to collect qingxin flowers and, her personal favorite, violetgrass, whenever she had the time. Though climbing up the steep mountains and jagged peaks of Liyue was indeed dangerous, the damsel had become quite skilled at climbing, her hold rarely ever slipping, no falls or cuts of any sort.

Until one day, the maiden was climbing up a particular mountain. It was a troublesome one, for there were no proper footholds or protruding stones to grab on to. Still, the pretty violetgrass that was just a foot or two away from her, swaying gently with the wind, was far too tempting to not collect. It would look so lovely in a flower crown, or maybe a vase, perhaps she could flatten it out to make a bookmark or-

A piercing shriek escaped the mortal. Whilst her thoughts had been elsewhere, she’d stopped on a small ledge that was far too fragile to support her weight, the rock beneath the maiden gave away to nothing before she could react.

She shut their eyes tightly, bracing herself for an impact that would surely leave her battered and bruised, if not dead.

However, it never came.

Instead, she was caught mid-air by a pair of strong arms that secured their hold under the mortal woman’s knees and neck. She didn’t open her eyes right away, for fear that she would still fall, choosing instead to catch their breath. Once her savior landed safely on the ground, something she was able to detect due to the thud of shoes against the earth, she slowly opened her eyes.

Upon opening them, her eyes met with the piercing amber eyes of a young man with dark hair (the color of the ocean at night, she thought dreamily) with pretty teal bangs framing his even prettier face. His brows were furrowed slightly, thin lips twisted into what seemed to be a permanent frown. In her still dazed state, she couldn’t help but think that he was far too handsome to look so dreadfully serious.

After an intense moment of eye contact, perhaps too intense for two strangers that had met only seconds prior, he let her go in a rather unceremonious manner, causing her to squawk in surprise, knees buckling under the unexpected weight. She had not yet had a chance to gather her bearings after such a terrifying event.

Instead of asking if she was alright, the young man simply said, in a rather crude and callous manner, “You should be more careful, mortal. If I hadn’t been there to catch you, you would’ve surely broken your neck.”

She gawked at him. Mortal? Why would he refer to her in such an… odd way?

The maiden looked at him up and down, as if trying to understand just what was wrong with this poor man. Suddenly, it struck her. She’d been an absolute idiot to not have noticed sooner. From the tattoo that adorned his right arm to the way he held himself, it had been so obvious.

Her savior was an Adeptus.

He wasn’t just an Adeptus, no. He was much more than that. He was one of the Adepti who served under Rex Lapis. He was one of the five Yakshas who kept her and the people of Liyue safe if the mask tied to his belt was any indication. And instead of killing demons or evil gods, he’d taken the time to save her.

Before she could muster an adequate thank you, he, who she’d now realized was Adeptus Xiao, was already leaving, uttering a quick “Please be careful,” on his way.

Quickly, and without really thinking, she grabbed onto his wrist, blabbering out the words, “Wait, don’t go! You must allow me to repay you for your generous actions!”

The amber-eyed Adeptus opened his mouth, ready to declare that it was unnecessary, but before he could, the damsel spoke up, “I could cook you something in return. How about almond tofu?” with a small giggle she added, “I assure you it’s sweeter than those dreams you eat.”

To both of their surprises, Xiao uttered a quiet, almost shy, “Yes.”

The Adeptus didn’t know what had come over him. All he knew is that there was something about the way her eyes sparkled and her lips moved, her soothing, melodious voice. It made his heart pound in a way it never had before.

And so, she cooked him some almond tofu, and they- well, she- talked as he ate the mouthwatering sweet.

He came back the day after that one and the one after that, followed on by the one after that, and so on. Xiao hadn’t meant to, really he hadn’t. But there was something about the maiden that just brought him a peace he had never experienced before. Her warm embrace and soft, gentle words were all he needed to keep fighting, to keep living, even. She was his paradise, his bliss. It wasn’t long until they were mutually infatuated with one another, deeply in love.

Every time he would visit her home, he would always bring her the flowers she so adored. Glaze lilies, silk flowers, and of course, violetgrass. Xiao had even gifted her a small broach, one made of the finest noctilucous jade, shaped like the downturned purple flower.

Unfortunately, everything is temporary for those punished with immortality.

The first time Xiao lost his maiden was, as he remembers, a rainy day. Despite the dreary weather, she had decided to go violetgrass picking since they’re always best picked after the rain.

But, dear Archons, what a dreadful idea that had been.

While the purple flower is indeed best picked after it rains, it is also the time when rocks are most… slippery.

So, as the maiden was climbing up the steep mountains of Juyen Karst, her right hand’s hold on the rock slipped, causing her palm to be cut open by a particularly jagged piece of stone. She hissed in, watching as blood began to ooze out. Panic started to seep in, there was no ledge for her to tend to her wound, and the cut was far too big for her to continue to climb up or down.

Dread began to fill her to her very core, she felt burning hot with unchecked anxiety, fear begging to settle into her gut in the most uncomfortable of manners. She should have waited for Xiao as he had asked of her. Ever since they had first met, a year ago to the day, he’d been so adamant on wanting to go with her to ensure her safety. She’d only wanted to surprise him with some when he returned home. The maiden was so sure it would’ve been a romantic anniversary gift, seeing as they were the cause of their meeting…

She’d been such a fool.

The violetgrass maiden attempted to climb down but Celestia seemed to laugh at her feeble attempts. She stretched her leg, trying to find the foothold she had used previously. However, her foot slipped and before she knew it, she was falling, just as she had been a year ago.

Horror filled her lungs, making it hard for her to breathe, her life flashed before her eyes, and then suddenly she remembered some words her lover had uttered to her one night under the glow of the moonlight when it was but the two of them in each other’s arms:

“If you awake to a knife at your throat, if monsters dig their claws into you, if death comes knocking at your door, call out my name, Adeptus Xiao. I will be here when you call.”

And so she called, at the top of her lungs, as loud as she could muster. The seconds seemed to turn to hours as she shut her eyes and waited to feel the strong arms of her lover, to hear the safety of his heartbeat.

But it never came.

Or rather, it came too late.

By the time Xiao had finished up the demonic creatures that threatening Liyue, by the time he’d answered her call, he was already too late.

Upon manifesting in the air out of nothing, he was greeted by the side of his love’s pitiful, mortal body. Her garments were bloody, the basket she carried her flowers in laid a few feet away from her body,her neck bent in a painfully awkward way.

Xiao felt so helpless. He was so helpless.

He could do no more than hold back the tears stinging his eyes and attempting to shake her awake.

The second time Xiao met the maiden was no more than a century after the first time. The Archon War was not yet over and sickness plagued every nook and cranny, taking the lives of hundreds upon thousands.

The two star-crossed lovers were reunited one clear summer night when the maiden was wandering aimlessly through the fields of Lingju Pass. She knew it was dangerous during these times, especially with how ill she had been feeling as of late. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to care. She’d already spent hours tossing and turning in her bed. Sleep, however, refused to come. Instead, she felt the overwhelming urge to leave the safety of her bed and go there. It was as if someone had tied a rope around her waist and was tugging at it persistently, insisting she follows.

And so she followed.

Upon reaching a clearing, she froze. In front of her very eyes was a sitting Stonehide Lawachurl, the type even the fiercest warriors in your village struggled with. The maiden quickly started backing away, praying to the Lord of Geo that it wouldn’t sense her presence. Her prayers were in vain, however, for as soon as the thought escaped her, she stepped on a twig, making it snap and effectively alerting the fearsome monster of her presence.

She shook in terror as parts of the Lawachurl’s rocky exterior began to glow with geo elemental energy. She hadn’t expected anything of the sort to happen so she hadn’t brought her sword, meaning she couldn’t exactly fight it, definitely not without a vision at least. Running wasn’t much of an option considering her body’s weak and ill state. She could try to outrun it, sure, but it wouldn’t be long before she was driven to a coughing fit because of it.

Before life had a chance to flash before her eyes, a masked young man appeared. Distantly, she recognized him as one of the adepti and watched him easily defeat the Stonehide Lawachurl with a series of short, consecutive plunges. She couldn’t help but watch him, mouth agape in an expression of pure, unadulterated awe. The Adeptus didn’t even need a claymore to break through the creature’s thick, hard exterior. As bad as she felt for not assisting him, she knew she weren’t exactly in any position to lend a hand. Not that she needed to, though, for soon enough the monster crumbled into nothing but red and black smoke.

After a second of panting over the remains of what was left of the creature, polearm in hand, Xiao turned to her and felt his blood run cold.

It was her.

How could it be her? She had died long ago. He knew she had, he’d cradled her cold body as tears streamed down his face. He’d taken her lifeless body back to her family. He’d left flowers at her grave.

This had to be some sort of sick joke, he thought, perhaps the karmic debt was finally getting to him, just like it had his fellow Yakshas.

Suddenly, his amber eyes zeroed in on a broach she had pinned to her dress. A Violetgrass broach, to be exact. Made of noctilucous jade, just like the one he had given her. The one he’d made for her with his own hands. There was no denying it was the very one. Only, how could that be? He had ensured it had been buried with you…

But it was an indisputable fact. That broach was the one he had made for his love and the woman before him was her. It was her from her wide eyes, fixated on him with the same wonder they had always had when they looked at him. Her hair was the same color and texture, and it framed her face in the same way. It was her.

The beginnings of tears stung at his eyes. Perhaps Celestia had brought you back? Perhaps they’d finally realized, just as he had always known, that her death was cruel and unfair. That it wasn’t meant to be. That she was meant to be in his arms, happy and safe.

“Uhm- excuse me, Adeptus Xiao, are you alright?” She inquired worriedly, eyes solely on him, filled to the brim with concern.

‘Oh Archons’, he couldn’t help but think distantly, ‘I’ve missed her voice.’

Instead of running up to her and crushing him in his loving embrace, he stayed where he was, took off his mask, nodded briskly, swallowing as if to avoid the tightness in his throat. She didn’t seem to remember him yet, so there was no use in frightening her.

Before he could muster up the courage to speak to her, his love began to cough furiously, though she attempted to cover it up. She didn’t want to be rude to her savior, after all.

“Ha, pardon me, sir, I’ve just been feeling a bit under the weather is all,” she told him feebly.

He nodded brusquely, before uttering, “I shall return you home safely.”

“Oh no, I assure you, you’ve done more than enough for me. I can’t ask that of you,” she fumbled hurriedly, though his words were more of a statement than a question.

Xiao had never been one for unnecessary- or at least what he thought were unnecessary- words, so instead of saying anything, the Adeptus simply grabbed her by the waist and teleported you home, after asking where home was, of course.

The next day, the Yaksha visited the maiden’s home, a bushel of violetgrass flowers in hand. She’d been understandably surprised, yet thrilled that the dark-haired man was visiting her. She hadn’t expected someone as busy as him to make time for a regular person such as herself, especially not during these times.

“These are my favorite flowers, y’know? They’re just so beautiful,” the maiden exclaimed gleefully.

He did know. That had been one of the reasons he had brought them to her. The second reason was because of what happened last time, in her previous life, he supposed. Celestia had been kind enough to gift him a second chance with his love, and he was going to ensure that it did not go to waste.

And so, every day he would visit her. Some days he would bring silk flowers, or glaze lilies, while other days he would bring her loach pearls and core lapis. Not a day went by where he would not appear in front of the damsel’s house, a gift in hand, ready to hear her ramble about whatever that beautiful brain of hers desired to prattle on about.

“You’re simply too generous Xiao,” she’d told him playfully while she laid in her bed, as she was still unwell, the Adeptus seated in a plush chair next to it. “There has to be something I can give you in return for everything. I won’t take no for an answer.”

He thought for a moment, before asking, tentatively, “Do you know how to make almond tofu?”

He’d never forget her dazzling smile that day, as she shakily got out of her bed, latching onto the support he offered while she gathered her bearings, and marched to her kitchen, enthusiastically preparing the sweet treat as she talked about a book she’d been reading, one that’d been gifted to her by a friend, titled Moonlit Bamboo Forest.

The lovers did this every day for months. Xiao brought her some medicinal tea that Rex Lapis himself said could cure her ailments. They did indeed begin to see improvement in her health and Xiao couldn’t help but feel immense relief. This time, he wouldn’t lose her for certain.

Until the plagues reached her village.

She’d been one of the first to catch it since the village doctor came to check on her so often, he’d spread it to her. The plague, coupled with her previous illness, weakened her body in a manner of days. One day, Xiao went to get some medicine his fellow adepti had guaranteed would help the maiden feel better.

When he returned later that day, however, he found her body in the bed, cold and without a pulse, the stench of death and sickness thick in the air.

That was the second time he had lost her.

The third time the star-crossed lovers met was long after the archon war. Liyue was now its own nation with its own name, the great center of wealth and commerce. The Yakshas were now a thing of the past, having succumbed to their karmic debt. Eventually, they all fell in one way or another.

All but Xiao, who remained a constant throughout it all.

Over the past decade or so, Xiao had taken to staying at the Wangshu Inn when he wasn’t slaying monsters. The people were nice enough, though he had long given up on attempting to form emotional connections with others. It would only lead to grief, just like it had when he’d lost his love or his fellow Yakshas, and there was only so much grief anyone, mortal or not, could take before their thread of sanity snapped in half. And with his Karmic Debt being as bad as it was…

As Xiao sat at the edge of the balcony of the Wangshu Inn, legs dangling below, he couldn’t help but think of her, his maiden. He wondered if, perhaps, Celestia would give him a third chance and bring her back to him. Honestly, the Adeptus wasn’t sure he wanted a third chance with her. While he did miss the sound of her heartbeat and the sweet words she’d utter to him and only him, he doubted he could bear the pain of having her ripped away from him once again.

It’s as if Celestia was taunting Xiao. As if the Archons above were bored and found some sick amusement in his pain as if his emotions were nothing but a game to them. What other explanations were there for what happened next?

“Um- excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?” An angelic voice he knew far too well, missed far too much, spoke.

Xiao looked up and lo and behold, it was her. Same hair, same eyes, same violetgrass broach.

She stood behind him clutching a plate of something, though the angle wouldn’t allow him to make up what it was. Her face adorned that same anxious smile of hers and he could feel himself falling in love with the maiden all over again. He knew he should say no. He shouldn’t allow her back in, not when he’s already lost her so many times before, not when they’d both suffered so much just by being together.

He nodded before looking away.

He shouldn’t but he would.

“I hope you don’t mind me intruding on your quiet time,” she said softly once she had settled beside him. When he made no indication of answering, she continued, “To be honest, you just seemed so… sad, melancholic even. Something about it, even if I don’t really know you, doesn’t sit right with me. It makes my heart feel heavy.”

The violetgrass maiden received no response, except for a soft grunt of acknowledgment, so small she wasn’t sure she hadn’t imagined it. Still, it was all she needed to perk up and stretch her arms out, offering him the plate she’d been holding.

“Here, I got this for you,” she told him, “word around the streets is you’ve got quite an appetite for it! Though this is my first time staying at the Inn, so I’m not sure if it’s any good here.”

Xiao looked at her, amber eyes filled with love. He was glad to know that, despite living through many lives now, she was still the girl he’d met back then, as sweet as he’d remembered her, just as caring.

He shouldn’t have but he took the plate from her hands and began to eat.

Instead of saying anything, she simply watched him as he ate, a silly little smile making its way to her face. The look on his lady’s face had him growing hot and turning beet red

“So,” he coughed out, embarrassed, “where’d you get a broach like that?”

“Oh, this one?” She inquired, pointing at the shiny violetgrass broach, “I found it lying on the ground one day when I was out picking lotus heads for dinner. I asked just about everyone in Liyue Harbor if it was theirs, but no luck. I eventually decided to just keep it for myself. It is a shame though, whoever lost it must truly be upset over losing such a beautiful piece of jewelry. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.”

He nodded along, thinking that, well, the broach actually was with its owner.

“It’s as if it were fate though,” she prattled on happily, watching the stars as she talked, “Violeygrass is my very favorite, always has been really. Though, I’ve always been too scared to climb up for them myself. You see, ever since I was little, I’ve had this recurring nightmare where I fell to my death while collecting some.”

The Adeptus stilled for a second, tense. She hadn’t ever brought up dreams about her past life. Maybe this time was different, maybe she’d remember what he did!

“Oh my Archons,” she exclaimed, face warm with embarrassment, scratching the back of her head sheepishly, “I’ve been going on and on! I’m so sorry, something about you feels so familiar. It makes me feel like I can tell you just about everything. Is that weird?”

His heart was racing like it hadn’t in years, decades even.

“You can tell me whatever you want,” he answered shortly, “I don’t mind listening. You have a nice voice.”

The maiden covered her hands with her face, flustered, and Xiao let out a rare smile, soft and gentle. This time would be different. He’d make sure of it.

After that day, the maiden began to visit the Wangshu Inn often, whenever she could spare time away from her job. Unbeknownst to her, however, Xiao followed at a distance when she wasn’t visiting him, to ensure her safety. He knew it wasn’t right, truly, but he had no other choice. He had to, or else he’d risk losing her to an accident such as last time, fall ill again, attacked by monsters or, Celestia forbid, be kidnapped by a group of treasure hoarders.

He’d have to get rid of any and all threats.

So, Xiao continued to follow his maiden from a distance, he made sure she was in tip-top shape, and ruthlessly slaughtering all enemies that he deemed a threat to her, until he was certain nothing would take her away from him again.

Except for one threat. Himself.

The third time he’d lost her was on a beautiful night, not that Xiao could remember it well. His love had insisted on the two of them taking a walk. She’d reasoned that the cool night air would help him regain control. His karmic debt had been weighing on him an awful lot recently and she simply couldn’t bear to see him in such excruciating pain.

The walk had started off rather pleasantly, as far as Xiao could remember. He could remember nudging his hand against hers, wanting to hold it but being far too shy to do so. With a laugh and a teasing remark, the maiden interlaced their fingers, bringing up their hands to place a gentle kiss on his, making the tips of his ears redden in bashfulness. They’d walked a little further until they encountered a group of hilichurls accompanied by a pyro abyss mage. Without skipping a beat, Xiao stepped in front of his lover, polearm appearing in his hand.

And then…

Everything went dark. Xiao’s mind was nothing but a void, pain exploded in every inch of his body as his karmic debt returned in full force to punish him for the slaughtering he’d committed.

When he came to, his mind was hazy, unsure of what had occurred. The Yaksha sat up, ignoring the way his muscles protested against it, and looked around, trying to make sense of what had happened and where he was.

Xiao froze when his eyes locked onto her pitiful body laying a few feet ahead of him in the grass surrounded by arrowheads and broken hilichurl masks, blood turning ice-cold. If he ignored the gashes across her body, the ones that were unmistakably made by the bloody spear he was clutching and not some hilichurl club or bow and arrow, and the blood that stained her pretty garments, he could almost fool himself into thinking she was asleep.

This had been his doing.

After a few beats of stunned silence, the dark-haired Adeptus lurched forward grabbing onto her cold body and shaking ruthlessly, calling out her name frantically, as if it would make his love wake up, make her cradle his face lovingly and ask why he’d been crying.

Xiao looked up onto the sky scornfully, looking up at Celestia with nothing short of pure, unadulterated loathing. He was willing to bet they were all mocking him right now, laughing at how weak and pathetic he was, at how time after time, he’d failed to love her enough, to keep her alive. They did this on purpose he was sure of it, those bastards. Well, if they could play dirty like this, so could he. He’d get her back, he’d keep her alive by his side.

And just like that, Xiao’s thread of sanity snapped.

“You can’t take her away from me anymore,” he spoke to the sky nonsensically, “I won’t let you. I don’t care what I have to do, who I have to kill, you won’t take my bliss away from me again.”

“That story was quite depressing,” Chongyun stated, ceasing his footsteps to look to his friend, Xingqiu.

“Ah yes, it is indeed, my liege,” the navy blue-haired gentleman agreed, “However, I’m glad this book included the whole myth, instead of making me wait for the next volume like the last one.”

The light blue-haired boy rolled his eyes before saying, “As much as I appreciated you reading the book aloud, I don’t see how this aids us in our search for (Y/N).”

The reason the boys had been searching across all of Liyue, was because their aforementioned friend had mysteriously gone missing. Everything had been as it normally was until one day, (Y/N) didn’t show up at her job in the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, something that was incredibly unusual of her, especially without a warning to her boss or coworkers. This led Hu Tao, with the insistence of Zhongli, to ask Chongyun and Xingqiu, two of (Y/N)’s friends, for help in the search for her. They had also contacted the milelith, but they had told them that she’d not been missing for long enough to warrant a search party. The two had, of course, been quick to help, though Xingqiu had been rather enraptured in a book of Liyue Myths, simply insisting he’d have to take it with him so he could read while he searched for her.

“But my liege,” Xingqiu exclaimed playfully, golden eyes shining with mirth, “this story is of utmost importance in our search for our beloved friend. Why, for all we know, (Y/N) might’ve been kidnapped by the Vigilant Yaksha himself! She has always had a habit of climbing mountains to pick violetgrass like the maiden in the book”

“Do not be so ridiculous,” Chongyun said, rolling his eyes, “I doubt an Adeptus such as himself would ever commit such an atrocity of that degree against a citizen of Liyue. Besides, that myth is incredibly old and there’s very little evidence that proves its validity. It’s more likely that (Y/N) was taken by a demon. That is why I asked you to accompany me to Wuwang Hill.”

“I was simply joking Chongyun,” he said with a laugh before turning solemn, “However, regretfully I feel as though it is time for the two of us to return to Liyue Harbor for the day. You’ve just about run out of popsicles and with this heat, I have no doubt you’ll overheat if we keep going.”

“I’m afraid you’re right,” The blue-eyed boy admitted. “I hope (Y/N) is alright wherever she is.”

“I do as well,” Xingqiu agreed, “Perhaps Hu Tao and Zhongli have had more luck.”

Chongyun nodded, “Xiangling also said she’d ask her customers if they’d seen her.”

With that, the two boys made their way back to Lihue Harbor, oblivious to just how true Xingqiu’s joke had been.

Xiao sighed as he climbed up the stairs of Wangshu Inn up to his room. Of course, he did not need sleep, it was a mortal need in and of itself, or a room for that matter but Verr Goldet had insisted that he should have his own space, somewhere he could rest after long days of slaughtering demons such as this one.

The Adeptus turned the door handle, opening the door of an empty, pristine room. While the room had all of the furniture the other Inn rooms had, it still felt unnervingly empty, without any clothes or trinkets laying around. The only personal object of Xiao’s in the room was an orange teapot that rested on the nightstand.

Quickly, Xiao opened the tea pot’s lid, and within seconds he was standing in front of a Liyue style mansion, surrounded by mountains that he crafted to look like the ones from when the two of you had met all those centuries ago. Eager to see you, Xiao ignored Tubby’s greetings and opened the front door, making quick work of taking off his shoes before climbing the stairs to the second floor, where your room was.

He opened the door to find you sat atop your bed, alert and glaring at him fiercely. The Adeptus rolled his amber eyes, it seemed you were still trying to act out and be defiant. Looking around your room, mostly to make sure you hadn’t tried to smash the windows with the desk chair like last time (you seemed to not comprehend the fact that there was no escaping the serenetea pot, since it was a world Xiao himself had created), his eyes settled on the plate of bamboo shoot soup he’d left for you this morning, along with a still filled to the brim cup of water. He narrowed his eyes at that. It simply wouldn’t do. You’d been here for about a week now and you still refused to eat or drink anything he brought you, except for a few nibbles and sips he’d managed to threaten coax out of you. Xiao, admittedly, didn’t know very much about humans, but he did know they needed to eat and drink to stay alive. He’d learned that the hard way on his last few tries.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Xiao inquired before adding, “If you don’t like this food you should come out and say it. I can ask Smiley Yanxiao for something that suits your taste more.”

You let out a poorly suppressed scoff. This nut-job didn’t seem to get that out of all the things wrong in this situation, the last thing you were concerned about was the food. Dear Archons, just what is wrong with this man? First, he had the gall of taking you captive one evening when you were going home from work and now he had the audacity to expect you to act like a complacent little toy and go along with this insanity?

And to think that when you’d first met him whilst accompanying the Traveler and Paimon, who had been commissioned by Director Hu Tao to gather some cor lapis for a client’s ceremony, you’d been absolutely smitten with the awkward and stoic Adeptus. Everything from his pretty black hair to his captivating bright eyes had your knees weak. So much so that you’d ignored all of the red flags, like how he’d stare at you in such an intense manner, with eyes fixated on you and only you, how he seemed to distrust Aether, a trusted friend of his, when it came to him accompanying you, or how as soon as you’d met you had the horrible sensation of being watched at all times of the day. Just thinking back to all the warning signs you’d missed made your skin crawl. Perhaps if you hadn’t been such a lovesick idiot you’d be at home right now or eating dinner with Chongyun and Xingqiu, trying out one of Xianglings crazy concoctions containing slime condensate or whopper flower nectar.

Instead, you were trapped in an artificial world, in a room that looked horrifyingly similar to your own back home.

You were snapped out of your reverie by Xiao moving closer to your bed.

“Let me go home,” you said, hating how your voice cracked at the end. You felt so pathetic, you always prided yourself on being a headstrong independent person, and here you were, cowering at his closeness and avoiding all eye contact, as if looking at his pain filled eyes would ruin you.

“You are home,” he retorted, his voice bordering on delusion, “This is your home. This is where you're safe. Where you stay alive and I get to keep you forever.”

Xiao stretched out his arm, as if to cradle your cheek in his hand but before he got to you flinched away, backing away from him as far as you could, back hitting the headboard. You looked away, trying to ignore how guilty the pain that flashed through his eyes made you feel. You shouldn’t be the one feeling guilty. He should be. He’s the one that stole you away from your home. He’s the one that ruined your life.

You look down at the violetgrass broach clasped onto your blouse in nothing short of complete and utter loathing. You’d been so captivated by it when you’d first found it at the antique shop while window shopping with Mr. Zhongli.

It had been exactly six months since you’d moved away from your home in the sleepy Qingce Village in exchange for a job at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor and a quaint apparently in the bustling city of Liyue Harbor. To celebrate, your coworker (and the person you had been shadowing in order to learn the ropes of the funeral business) Mr. Zhongli had insisted on going to Third-Round Knockout for some dinner. You’d been a bit hesitant at first, mostly because you knew well of the elegant gentleman’s habit of forgetting his wallet, but you enjoyed hearing his stories far too much to say no. Something about his retellings of stories about the Adepti just enraptured you.

Afterward, the two of you had decided to walk around the city and look at the displays in shops, since you had decided that your hard work warranted splurging a little as a reward of sorts. You had of course asked Mr. Zhongli to join you since he had such exquisite taste and an eye for the authentic, you valued his opinion greatly.

That’s how the two of you ended up at Xigu Antiques, browsing the display case. All of a sudden, your eyes zeroed in on a broach that resembles a little violetgrass plant, its downturned leaves made up of what you could only guess was noctilucous jade. It was, for lack of a better word, stunning.

“Mr. Zhongli,” you exclaimed, tugging at his sleeve to call his attention away from a porcelain teapot with gold little geo symbols as decoration, “what do you think of this one? It’s quite beautiful isn’t it?”

The dark-haired man looked at the broach you were pointing at before going tense, a small gasp escaping him as his beautiful amber eyes widened slightly. You looked at him in concern, you’d never seen the man come this close to losing his composure.

“Oh,” he said, clearing his throat, “is this the one you’re thinking of purchasing? I’d advise against it. Even by just a mere glance, I can tell it is not made of real noctilucous jade.”

Strangely, you felt as though he wasn’t being truthful with you.

“Well, that’s alright. I don’t really care about the authenticity and it’s pretty cheap. If it is a fake, I don’t really have much to lose. Plus, I’ve always loved violetgrass. This broach could be like a little homage to that!” You answered, letting out a little giggle.

“You’ve heard of the Vigilant Yaksha and the violetgrass maiden, am I correct?” He asked.

“Oh, yes I have! My Gran used to tell it to me and the rest of the village children back when I was young. It always made me so sad, how they can never be together. It was pretty silly now that I think about it, but I would bawl my eyes out every time. The rest of the kids would tease me a bit but I just couldn’t control it,” you reminisced.

“I- well, yes in any case, they say that anyone who possesses that broach will be cursed to meet the same fate,” Zhongli added, trying his best to dissuade you from buying the old broach, dread creeping into his stomach as he thought of what might happen to you- to the both of you.

“Of course you’d believe old supersticiones, Mr. Zhongli,” you said, letting out a lighthearted laugh that could make any heart, even one of stone, melt, “it’s very on brand! However, I’m sure there’s no need to be worried, after all, it’s nothing but an old myth! And even if it is real, you yourself said that it’s not made of the real stuff.”

Before Zhongli could figure a way to change the unchangeable, you had already purchased the broach. As you kept on leading the funeral consultant around the streets of Liyue Harbor, bag in hand, prattling on about anything and everything, he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink. A single thought, the same one you would later have, crossed his mind.

If only you hadn’t bought that goddamned broach.

In a fit of anger and desperation, you ripped the detested broach off of your shirt, throwing it at Xiao. You hoped it would somehow break into millions of tiny pieces.

After a beat of silence, Xiao spoke, “Eat.”

“No,” you yelled, before breaking down into a fit of angry sob, “I hate you!”

As soon as the words left your mouth, Xiao lurched forward so close your noses were almost touching, and for a second you think he’s gonna hit you but instead, he simply rests his forehead on yours and closes his eyes. When he pulls away, your sobs have waned into hiccups. Without saying so much as a word Xiao clasps the violetgrass broach onto your shirt, where it belongs.

“Eat,” is all he says, placing the now lukewarm soup into your hands.

Scared, tired, and sad, you do as he said, taking small sips of the admittedly tasty dish. He does nothing more than stare at her with those intense amber eyes of his for a few minutes before turning around and heading towards the door.

Before he leaves he turns his head back to look at her and says, “I don’t care if you don’t like me. Hate me for all I care. As long as you stay alive I don’t care.”

#Xiao x reader #xiao x you #xiao x y/n #genshin impact Xiao x reader #yan! Xiao x reader #genshin impact fanfic #genshin impact fanfiction #Xiao #genshin impact #tw: yandere #flavor: xiao #patt’s creations

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witcher-and-his-bard-archive · 4 years

Text

Unsatisfied

doing this thing | day 5 - orgasm denial

I really took liberties with this one and went very off topic (yes I realize this is my own list) bc I was not feeling it. This is actually more like one that I cut from the list (oops!)

Jaskier's still restless as he makes his way back to their room at the inn. By now, Geralt will be asleep and for once, he's glad for it. The last thing he needs is for Geralt to see him like this and ask why. The pair of them have shared much on their journeys together, but this is not something Jaskier is particularly eager to share.

He slips into the room, stepping as carefully as he can and shutting the door quietly behind him. There's a sound from across the room and he stops in his tracks, waiting to see if Gerlt will wake before continuing. He shuffles across the floor toward the only bed and frowns at Geralt's form, taking up the majority of the space. There's nothing for it; he'll simply have to sleep on the floor tonight because he certainly can't sleep with Geralt when he's in this state.

At least if he's on his own, he can deal with his little problem without too much trouble and he won't have to suffer through the night like this. He manages to cross the room in the dark without stumbling or knocking into anything and he sits at the end of the bed, laying out his bedroom. On the bed above him, Geralt shifts and Jaskier freezes again, one hand shoved deep in his pack, searching.

He hears a grunt then the bed creaks and Jaskier shuts his eyes. He knows Geralt is awake now, knows he's looking for him but it doesn't matter if he sees him or not - he'll hear him soon enough, or smell him if he's very unlucky.

"Jaskier?"

Fuck. Or that.

"Go back to sleep Geralt, I didn't mean to wake you."

"What are you doing down there, aren't you coming to bed?"

"Er, no. I don't think so."

Geralt growls at him, low, impatient. "Why not?"

"I, er- I think it would be best if I don't."

"Jaskier," Geralt hisses through the dark. "I won't put up with you bitching all day tomorrow because you didn't sleep well because you slept on the floor."

Well. That's a lot of words at once for Geralt. Jaskier wants to climb into bed with him, would willingly join him any other night but tonight- Although he also doesn't want to be left behind in the morning. He's stuck, it seems, between a rock and a hard place. There's an irony there that he doesn't appreciate.

Reluctantly, Jaskier releases the bottle in his hand and rises to his feet. He doesn't bother to remove his clothes before climbing up over the foot of the bed and pressing himself against the wall. He'll appease Geralt for the time being and tomorrow, he'll just have to find time to slip away and take care of things without Geralt finding out. It should be easy enough, he's done it dozens of times before.

But, as always, Geralt can't let anything be easy for him.

"You're not getting changed?"

"No, I don't think so."

Geralt just grunts in response and Jaskier thinks he's finally free of scrutiny. He turns toward the wall and curls around himself, forcing down the feelings still plaguing him. It's fine; Geralt keeps his distance and Jaskier doesn't have to look at him (because that certainly won't help calm him), but he still can't sleep.

He shifts, rolling onto his stomach in the hopes that it will make it easier to sleep, but it doesn't. So he rolls onto his side. Also no good. But the next time he moves, he feels a hand on his hip and rolls his head back to find Geralt much closer than he was a moment ago.

"What's wrong?" he asks and Jaskier just shrugs.

"Can't sleep."

"Cold?" he asks and when Jaskier doesn' answer, he just shifts closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. Which is... sweet, honestly. And so out of character for Geralt that Jaskier can't bring himself to tell him no. He mumbles a soft thanks and presses his shoulders back as if to prove his thankfulness.

But Geralt's hand slips under the hem of his shirt - accidentally, he's sure - and his thumb brushing lightly against his skin. It's soft, much softer than he would expect from his companion and if he didn't know better, he'd say Geralt was fucking with him. But he does know Geralt better than that and he's already been warned about their early morning, so he's sure Geralt wouldn't intentionally keep him up.

So Jaskier withstands this assault that would regularly be more than welcome. Geralt's hand moves to his thigh and Jaskier has to bite down on his bottom lip to keep from moaning. Geralt is just tired, that's all it is, because sometimes when he's tired and feels safe, he lets his defences down. That's all. And Jaskier's body is just having a very unfortunate reaction to Geralt's trust. Hot breath dusts against the back of his neck and Jaskier shudders against him, his traitorous cock twitching where it's pressed against his trousers. The only thing he has to be thankful for now is that he kept his clothes on before climbing into bed.

Geralt slides closer, pressing his nose into Jaskier's neck and Jaskier can't take anymore or he's going to lose his fucking mind. He's already keyed up beyond words and of course Geralt chooses tonight to become all touchy-feely at bedtime.

He hauls himself forward, pulling from Geralt's embrace and pulls himself into an upright position. He's hunched over, trying to steady his breathing when Geralt stirs next to him.

"I'm sorry, I just can't-"

"What's wrong?" Geralt asks, his voice fuzzy with sleep.

"I just have to go and take care of something," he mumbles. He's already moving, halfway across Geralt when strong hands come up to his thighs, pulling him down so he's straddling Geralt's hips. And the position doesn't go unnoticed. Jaskier's cock twitches immediately and he's sure Geralt must be able to feel how hard he is, though he remains placid as always.

"What's going on Jaskier? Why won't you just lie down and sleep?" Jaskier shifts to pull away but Geralt holds him down. Jaskier looks up and Geralt’s eyes meet his for a moment. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I-" he starts, immediately going for the quickest and most practical lie he can think up, but he meets Geralt's eyes again and his resolve drains at the sincerity there. Of course, now is the time Geralt decides to worry about him. "I had a rather unsatisfying night," he mumbles, hoping it will be enough. Geralt just looks at him expectantly and Jaskier sighs. "Do you mind if I-" he tips his head to the side and Geralt nods, releasing him.

Jaskier slides off of him, lying back on his side and tucking his knees up to keep Geralt from seeing just how badly he's affected.

"After my performance tonight a lovely lad invited me back to his room-" Geralt lifts an eyebrow at him impatiently but Jaskier just waves him off and continues. "Have you ever been with someone who likes to push your limits?"

"Get to the point, Jaskier, I've had enough of your exploits for a lifetime."

"Well, he just- we were-" Jaskier sighs and relents. "He was bringing me to the edge over and over without-" he glances up and finds Geralt watching him expectantly which considering the topic of conversation is a little overwhelming."Anyway he got me really worked up and then his brother came home and he kicked me out! Can you believe it?"

"Why didn't you just take care of it?" Geralt mumbles and his eyes are shut again.

"It wasn't that bad when I got back here, but then you just, y'know-" he doesn't dare risk calling it cuddling lest Geralt shy away from it and never try it again, but he doesn't know what to call it.

"Hmm."

"Thank you for your sympathy," Jaskier scoffs, turning back onto his other side to scowl at the wall.

"If you need to take care of things, I'm not going to stop you."

"What, right here? With you lying next to me? I don't think so."

"I've heard you dozens of other times, I don't see why it should matter." Jaskier splutters at the confession, but Geralt remains totally calm. "Jaskier, neither of us are going to sleep until you come, so just get on with it."

There's something about Geralt telling him to come that runs right through him and his cock gives a twitch of enthusiasm. Reluctantly Jaskier undoes his trousers and slips a hand inside. Having an audience shouldn't affect him the way it does; usually, he enjoys being watched, knowing that someone else is getting off watching him but Geralt is- well it just feels wrong. It shouldn't feel like he's taking advantage, but it does. Geralt doesn't know how he feels about him, doesn't know the things he thinks about him and touching himself while Geralt is right there just feels like an intrusion or something.

Jaskier is under no delusions, he knows exactly how he feels about Geralt and he knows that he shouldn't think about him the way that he does, but sometimes it's hard not to.

"I can't," he mumbles. It feels good to have a hand wrapped around him, but it's not worth the shame that creeps into his chest. He keeps thinking about Geralt hearing him, Geralt hearing him when he was thinking about him. "I can't do it with you watching."

"Why not?"

"I just... it's not right, Geralt, listening in on someone when they don't know."

"I didn't intend to listen. I was just listening to make sure you were alright."

"Oh."

"But you're so very loud."

"So why didn't you stop?"

"You're also very... captivating."

All of a sudden the air feels very dense and Jaskier struggles to catch his breath. "Geralt," he breathes, "are you telling me you liked listening to me jerk off?"

"I didn't dislike it."

"Oh. Is that why you- tonight?"

"No," Geralt says firmly. "We have to get an early start, we both need to get some sleep."

"Ah. Right. Maybe if you... helped? If you like listening you could just... talk to me? Tell me about those times?"

Geralt hesitates for a moment and then, "what should I say?"

Ah. Okay, so they're really doing this. "Tell me about the first time." Jaskier's heart hammers against his chest and he's not even sure he's breathing.

"I was hunting a fiend and you insisted on going off," Geralt huffs what sounds like a laugh and Jaskier relaxes a little. "I knew it was close so I didn't want you out of my sight but you were insistent, so I listened after you. I didn't want you getting hurt."

"When did you realize?"

"I'd smelled it on you before you left, so it didn't take much to piece together what you were doing."

Jaskier keeps his back turned as he snakes a hand down his stomach, slipping under the waist of his trousers. He shuts his eyes, focusing on the low rumble of Geralt's voice.

"What made you realize?"

"I heard swear under your breath and I heard you groan as you touched yourself. Something had you aroused already."

"Mm," Jaskier confirms, "I remember. What did you think?"

"Nothing, at first. I know I take you away from town more often than you're used to. I knew it was just something you needed to do."

"Geralt," he groans, "could you try and be just a tiny bit sexy?"

There's a huff of a laugh and then Geralt's breath against the back of his neck. Jaskier doesn't know when he moved closer, but it's certainly a step in the right direction.

"I found myself waiting for the next time. You always stink of lust so I was never sure when it would be. Then one night we were camped by the river and you said you were going to wash your clothes. I knew you weren't."

"You listened," Jaskier guesses, shutting his eyes. His cock twitches against his palm and he squeezes a little tighter. He doesn't realize he's holding his breath until Geralt breathes against him.

"I listened. I liked the way you sounded. Breathless, wanting. I tried to picture what you'd look like."

"Oh," Jaskier gasps. His hips jerk forward and he stifles a groan into his pillow. "Did you-" he huffs, "did you like it?" He knows he shouldn't be so brazen, but his cock aches for more and Jaskier is brave and stupid at the best of times.

"Yes." Fuck. Jaskier groans and throws his head back, hitting Geralt's chest with a soft thud. He hadn't realized he was that close.

"Please," he whispers and he's not sure what he's asking for but then Geralt's palm slides around his forearm, wrapping gently around him before sliding down to his wrist. He doesn't linger long, but just as Jaskier thinks he's about to pull away, he slips his fingers between Jaskier's wrapping around his cock.

"Geralt."

"I thought about this," he breathes, pressing his nose against the base of his skull, "while I listened to you. Imagined it was me touching you, pulling those sounds from you."

"Should've come," Jaskier hums. Gera;t shifts against him, lips brushing against the shell of his ear and Jaskier can feel his breath, hot and damp against his skin.

"I did."

"Fuck, Geralt. Tell me. Please."

Geralt takes his hand, moves a little quicker against him and Jaskier struggles to focus on anything but the pressure around his cock, the unfamiliar fingers coiled around him.

"It gets me hard every time. I hear every word you say, I've heard you come whispering my name and I couldn't tune it out. I didn't want to. So when you'd slip away, I'd settle in."

"Mm, Geralt, please-" Jaskier's hips jerk forward and Geralt breathes against the side of his neck, dipping in to press a kiss under his ear. "Tell me."

"I'd bring myself off to the sound of you touching yourself. Still do, sometimes."

And oh, if that isn't sexy as hell. Jaskier squeezes his eyes shut, shifts back against Geralt and he can feel his cock pressing against him. Geralt is hard and huge, pressed against his ass and when he shifts his hip, Jaskier lets out a low moan.

"Did you think about touching me?" he asks, "like this?"

"And other ways."

"Fuck, Geralt, show me."

The hand around his releases and for a split second, Jaskier thinks he's pushed too far. He doesn't always think before he speaks and with Geralt's hand wrapped around his cock, he can hardly be expected to think clearly. Behind him, Geralt shuffles and Jaskier's hips twitch.

After a moment, Geralt's hands return to his body curling around the hem of his shirt and tugging it up. Jaskier assists, squirming out of it; apparently, Geralt isn't done with him, after all. His trousers come next, shoved down toward the bottom of the bed and discarded, then Jaskier finds himself rolled onto his other side and Geralt wraps an arm around him, pulling him close. And Geralt is naked too, pressed right up against him.

Jaskier stifles a groan in his neck, pressing an experimental kiss against Geralt's skin. It earns him a soft hum in response and he pushes closer, breath stuttering as Geralt's cock slides against his own.

"Is this what you thought about?" he asks, "fucking me?"

"Mm," Geralt tips his head up, pressing his lips against Jaskier's and Jaskier groans against him, wrapping his arms around his neck.

Geralt deepens the kiss, sliding a hand down his back and cupping his ass to guide the roll of his hips. He moans softly against him and Jaskier commits the sound to memory, delighting in the feeling of it against his lips. He hooks a knee over Geralt's hip, pulling himself forward and the gentle kiss quickly devolves into quick, jolting movements and panted groans. Pleasure builds inside him and Jaskier knows this can't last forever but fuck if he doesn't want it to.

"I want you," he mumbles, mouthing at Geralt's jaw, "all the time. Think about you- off in the forest, down by the river. Tonight, in another man's bed I was still thinking about you."

"Next time stay," Geralt breathes. He slips a hand around them both, stroking them both as well as he can with the uneven thrust of their hips. "I won't leave you wanting."

"Never doubted you for a second." Jaskier's breath catches as Geralt's thumb slips up over the head of his cock and he kisses him again, nipping at his bottom lip.

"Come for me, Jaskier." The words are whispered against his ear and Jaskier can feel his entire body melt into him, all resistance gone as though there was any to begin with. He lets Geralt tug him forward, not an inch of space between them and Jaskier rocks against him, hips stuttering as Geralt's hand splays over his lower back, keeping him near.

He lets out a sharp moan, jerking forward sharply and as Geralt's hand squeezes around him, he comes. Geralt catches his lips in a deep kiss, rolling him onto his back and fitting himself against him.

Jaskier is barely aware beyond the blood rushing in his ears, but he can feel Geralt moving against him, hear the soft groans against his lips and he drowns in it. His whole body is alight and when Geralt rocks against him it's almost too sensitive. He wraps his arms around him, letting his fingers explore the planes of his back now that he's not too distracted to enjoy it. Geralt shudders apart in his arms, pressing his nose into Jaskier's neck as he comes and then he's still against him, but for his lips pressing against Jaskier's skin, slow and lazy.

Jaskier slumps, exhausted, but he's not quite ready to let Geralt go. He tries once, to lifts himself from Jaskier's chest, but Jaskier is feeling especially affectionate, post-orgasm and just slips one hand up into Geralt's hair, massaging his head softly.

"Don't you want to get cleaned up?"

"Mm," Jaskier hums, "I think we should sleep."

"I'll come back," Geralt promises, pressing up from the mattress again. Jaskier pouts but really he should have known Geralt would know him so well. He lets him go and Geralt offers a soft smile before slipping from the bed.

"Don't be long," Jaskier mutters, already tugging his pillow back under his head, "don’t forget, we have to leave early."

#geraskier #smut #rex writes #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt #october prompts 2k20

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

Note

AXIAAAA. I HAVE RETURNED WITH MY COMPLETE FIC!

“Oh, they’re so graceful when fighting, you’ve got to see them in action.”

Childe/Tartaglia x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1799, excluding the bonus mini scenario (I really over did it this time..)

Warnings: Childe’s identity/spoilers once again- and, reader uses a polearm, wounds,

‘ ’ = thinking

“ ” = talking

(Y/V) = Your Vision

(Y/V/C) = Your Vision Color

(E/C) = Eye Color

Start!

(Y/N)- they come from Fontaine, someone who wields a (Y/V) vision. Bu~t, they don’t really focus on the outside world, like most people do. They don’t know about the fatui, the famous traveler, no! None of that. And here (Y/N) is, on their way to Liyue. By foot. They bring up their map and check where they are, and not very surprising, they are pretty close to Liyue Harbor. The only roadblock there is, though, is the fact that they’re in Lisha, and Lisha can be pretty darn dangerous.

‘It’s pretty peaceful here,’ they thought. ‘I don’t think much will happen though..’ Easily unclipping the (Y/V/C) pendant from their hair, (Y/N) sighs. ‘What did I do to get such gift? I don’t spend time worshipping the archons, nor do I know much about them.’ In the background, (Y/N) can faintly hear multiple activated ruin guards, a ruin hunter, + a ruin grader, and practically just war. And when they turned to see what was happening, there stood the infamous No.11 of the fatui harbingers, fighting them all at once. But hey, they don’t know what the fatui or who the main members of the fatui are. ‘Might as well help though- Some people told me that I’m quite skilled in combat.’

Materializing their polearm, (Y/N) sprints towards the scene. Childe, on the other hand, did not notice the (Y/V) user and the killing machine that somehow snuck up behind him without being noticed. (Y/N) swiftly weaves their way through the ruins, climbs onto the top of a column near the fight, and jumps onto the machine, striking the eye of the ruin guard. And now the harbinger notices, taking his eyes off of the other ruin guard. “Careful!” Quickly pulling their polearm out of the eye, (Y/N) hauls it at his previous target, paralyzing it. “Do not take your eyes off of your opponent! Any of them! You must know where they all are.” They jump down to retrieve the spear, taking a good look at the unknown man in the process. Half lidded eyes, looking like he was going to faint any moment.. A few scratches here and there, and one deep cut right below his collarbone. ‘What are you even doing here?? It’s dangerous, like hello??????’

(Y/N) sighs and quickly wipes out the remaining machines using their elemental burst. Making their way over to the hydro user, they shake his shoulders quite harshly… “Hey, hey! Stay with me, don’t close those eyes!” In response, he chuckles and falls limp into their arms, but reassure them with a small smile with fully opened eyes. “Good, thank you.. I’ll try my best to keep you conscious, alright?” (Y/N), surprisingly strong enough to carry this man bridal style, actually does so and sets him down against a ruin wall. As most people know, Childe is not very obedient. But when he’s in a pinch, the harbinger would probably choose the smart way and not make the situation worse.

(Y/N) examines the wounds a bit more, removing his grey jacket to get a closer look. “You’ve got a lot of battle scars.. Try not to be so reckless, okay?” Sighing, they continue. “The cut on your chest- it’s going to need stitches.” Shuffle shuffle. “You’re lucky I’ve got some topical anesthetic cream to numb the pain.” (Y/N) takes out a cloth and presses it to the cut, stopping the bleeding. “If you have questions, please do ask away. I’ll know that you’re conscious that way.” They finish preventing the wound from bleeding more and take out a bottle of clean water, applying it to a different soft cloth. “U-Uh..,” (Y/N)’s head slightly snaps up at the voice. “How do you know these things? You don’t seem to be the adventurous type,” the male said. Gently cleaning the wound with the wet cloth, they reply, “Many come to where I live, usually seeking help. This help, it’s mostly in the form of dealing with a wound.” Childe nods in reply, and immediately winces when (Y/N) presses the cloth a bit too hard on the cut. “Sorry,” they mumble.

Once finished with the cleaning and disinfecting step that was full of whimpers and sorry’s, (Y/N) takes out the numbing cream and spreads it around the wound. “Ask me some more questions, while we wait for the cream to take effect.”

“Well, I was wondering- what are you doing here?”

“On my way to Liyue Harber.”

“Ahh. I see.” (Y/N) easily slips the string into the needle. “Where do you come from?”

“Fontaine.” Childe hums in response. Then it hit him- Why are you helping him? Why would someone help a fatui?

“Why are you helping me?”

“Huh?? What do you mean? I couldn’t really let you die there, right..? Besides, you didn’t notice the ruin guard behind you. If I hadn’t come you would’ve already become dead meat.”

“N-No, I mean, I’m part of the fatui! And the fatui are ‘bad’, you could say..”

“But you don’t seem bad. Now tell me- do you feel anything around the cut?”

“Nope,” he says, popping the “p”. He couldn’t help but continue to wonder why.

“Alright. I’m going to start stitching now,” they mumble. “Hm.. How about you tell me about this.. Fatui.”

“Oh! Sure!” Childe begins to babble about the organization while (Y/N) focuses on quickly finishing the stitching. When they finish, (Y/N) decides that it’s finally okay to introduce themself. “I’m.. I’m (Y/N)! Oh I’m done with the stitching by the way.” They look around their bag to find some bandages, and sure enough, there’s a load. The (Y/V) user puts a finger to their lips and stares at the wound, thinking of a way to dress it. Childe, on the other hand, is lost in their (E/C) orbs. They were pretty, what could he say? Snapping out of his trance, he quickly replies with, “Ah, yeah! I’m Childe, or if you want there’s also Tartaglia, and Ajax.” Nodding, (Y/N) signals for Childe to move off of the wall, which he does, and then wraps the bandaging around his body.

“That should do,” they said, standing up and holding out a hand. “Come on, I’ll head to Liyue with you. Wait, that’s where you’re headed, right?”

“Yeah.” Childe takes the hand and stands up, brushing the dust off. “Do you have anything I can wear in the meantime? Jacket’s all.. Bloody. And kind of messed up-” (Y/N) giggles and takes an oversized coat out of their bag.

“Here you go! This should do. You can keep it, I don’t need it anyways.” He gladly accepts the coat and slips it on, relishing the coziness it brought.

“So, lets go?”

They arrive at Liyue around noon. “Thank you- perhaps we can meet up again sometime soon? I’ve got harbinger duties to do..,” Childe mumbles.

“Yep! That’s fine,” they reply, cheery. “Do take it easy though. Your wound isn’t even halfway done recovering.” The ginger nods and walks off, waving a hand. (Y/N) waves back, thinking what to do. ‘I should probably find a place to stay.. Hm.’

A week later…

“E-Excuse me!” (Y/N) grabbs the ginger’s hand. “Hi..?” Childe turns around to be met with the same (E/C)s from the other day.

“Oh! It’s you!” He smiles brightly, ruffing their hair. “How about we get to know each other? Liuli Pavilion! My treat.”

“Okay! Sounds good,” they reply, taking his hand in theirs. “Lead the way, Riptide.” Childe and (Y/N) both freeze. Had they just called him.. “Riptide?” He glances at (Y/N) who has confusion and embarrassment written all over their face.

“e-EHHHHHHH YOU HEARD NOTHINGG! NOTHING I SAY,” they quickly said.

“‘Nothing’, huh?”

“N- agHHHH FINE. Your eyes, they remind me of a riptide along with your whole look in general..,” (Y/N) mumbles, face turning redder every second. Childe finds this amusing- a skilled fighter who is completely falling apart due to an accidental nickname.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind, actually. It does sort of suit me, after all..,” he replies, quietly saying the last part. He immediately drags (Y/N) to Liuli, words seemingly to be caught in his throat.

“So correct me if I’m wrong- The fatui is an organization created by the goddess of cryo herself, the Tsaritsa. And apparently this group is.. Bad?” Childe simply laughs in response.

“You could say that.”

“Really now.”

“Mhm.”

“But- But you don’t seem like a bad person! Even if you’re a harbinger..,” (Y/N) sighs, staring into Childe’s ocean eyes(aHDHNSRDGHJM HIS EYES ARE SO PRETTY but zhongli’s eyes still remain in first place). “Alright, now onto you. You are the 11th harbinger of the fatui, said to thrive for battle. Your fatui code name is ‘Tartaglia’ and your real name is.. ‘Ajax.’”

“Correct! Wonderful wonderful..”

“And you use a bow, plus your water blades. You have two visions, but one is a delusion. One vision is hydro, and the other is electro.”

“Correct, once again! Now eat up before your qingce stir fry gets cold,” he interrupts. ‘They seem to be quite the special one.. Pretty cute too-’ Childe shakes his head, ridding of the thought. He watches (Y/N) dig into their order, more thoughts invading his mind. This time, he didn’t care- It was rare that Childe would be easily in love with someone just after a week, but (Y/N) here is a special case.

Two or three weeks later, the ginger had decided- even if it was way too early, he was sure that (Y/N) reciprocated his feelings. Bravely yet nervously striding up to their door, Childe knocks once. Twice. And 10 more times. What a great start, mister. He fumbles with the bouquet behind his back at the sight of you, nearly dropping it. “H-Hey! I hope you’re ready for what’s to come today~”

“Eh? Is today a special occasion-? Let me get dressed then-”

“Nono! What you’re wearing is perfectly fine! Now,-” Childe hands them the bouquet. “-may I take this lovely and incredibly skilled fighter on a date?” (Y/N), taken aback by his words, immediately punches him in the stomach by instinct. They didn’t really do well when it came to confessions, since most people were strangers. Quickly apologizing, they place a quick kiss on his cheek and boop his nose. “Got your answer yet?” They said, giggling. Oh how the tables have turned.. Now Childe is the one taken aback, scrambling to find the right words. Who knew that one who hails from Fontaine could fluster a one from Snezhnaya? A harbinger of all people too.

Let your imagination run wild from here! Where did Childe take you? What happened during your date? How did it turn out in the end?

Bonus(aka the title’s mini scenario): “Zhongli! Zhongli!” Childe rushed towards the funeral director, with a proud face on. “You’ve got to see (Y/N)! Oh, they’re so graceful when fighting, you’ve got to see them in action.”

“Really now?” Zhongli replied, unamused.

“Truly! C’mon, c’mon!” The ginger pushes the ombre to a waypoint, taking them to where his significant other trained.

-windwheel aster anon

CUTE but uhgfkxjgkjDJKJKSDK bestie this is so long how did u fit this all into a single ask,,, did tumblr up the character limit,

#long post #mail.childe #I CANT ADD A READ MORE HELP #//mail #PLEASE ITS SO LONG AND I CANT ADD A READ MORE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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rachelbethhines · 3 years

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Tangled Salt Marathon - The King and Queen of Hearts

The existence of this episode just baffles me, as it undermines so much of what season three was trying to accomplish.

Summary: Rapunzel continues to try and restore the memories of her parents, King Frederic and Queen Arianna, and hopes to use the journal of Herz Der Sonne to remind them, but they do not understand the significance. Arianna still lusts for adventure, while Frederic cannot get over his obsession of egg collecting. Rapunzel recruits her friends to try and set up the perfect date for them and while they cannot find anything in common personality wise, they share a mutual love for Rapunzel. However, King Trevor arrives with the intent to woo Arianna using an ocean crystal he found.

So What Exactly Is the History Here?

We have no context for this sudden love triangle. All we know is that Trevor hates Frederic because he’s still in love with Arianna who wound up marrying him instead.

But like, I don't know why Arianna married Frederic. I don’t know why Trevor is still hung up on her years later. Did she actually choose Frederic or was it an arranged marriage cause that’s what royalty did back then? Was she having an affair with Trevor this whole time but couldn’t/wouldn’t leave because of duty? Was she and Trevor pining star crossed lovers, or is Trevor just an incel?

I know what the story wants me to assume; that Arianna deeply loves Frederic and that Trevor is just a jackass loser; but the series has done such a poor job of making Frederic likable and giving him and Arianna any sort of chemistry that I’m inclined to side with Trevor.

For all we know, he may be trying to rescue Arianna from both her memory loss and her abusive relationship while at it. Especially now that she’s no longer needed as a ruler and has no reason to stay in Corona.

Why Not Just Use the Potion from Rapunzel: Day One?

While any Varian cameo is appreciated, it doesn’t add thing to the story. In fact it only raises more questions. We already had a cure for the memory loss, why aren’t we using it?

Even if we write it off as Rapunzel no longer having that particular Saporian spellbook on hand, she still has a whole dungeon full of actual Saporians who know magic that she could gain information from! There’s also Xavier, who already knows everything under the sun about Saporian/Coronian history and magic and owns spellbooks galore. You’re telling me he just has mood potions lying around but can’t brew up a cure for memory loss?

Then there’s also the fact that the amnesia spell doesn’t work on Rapunzel’s parents the same as it did on Rapunzel and we’re never given a reason why. Like just some basic consistence is all I ask show.

I also can’t figure out what Varian is even trying to do here. Where’s is the science to this? What does strawberry goop and lighting have to do with memory? It’s just a cheap reference to Frankenstein and nothing more.

We’re Already Pass Seven Months Since Rapunzel’s Return.

Ok, I have gotten into frequent debates with people about the timeline of season three. Many a story board artist and writer on the show have came forward and stated that season three was only one year. But the very existence of this episode disproves them!

If you remember season one, Hearts Day took place after the Goodwill Festival, but before Queen for a Day. Even when putting episodes back into their intended production order that still remains true.

Hearts Day has to be at least seven months past Rapunzel’s birthday, if not eight months, because the Goodwill Festival is six months past and her parent’s anniversary (QfaD) is nine months past.

Now Rapunzel’s Return has to be Rapunzel’s 20th birthday because season two was a full year, and even if you say it’s not, then that still doesn’t explain Once a Handmaiden (the Goodwill Festival) coming after this episode.

And no you can’t move the episodes around, Once a Handmaiden has be the second to last episode of the series and Under Raps always comes after Rapunzel’s Enemy in any order you watch the series in.

No matter how you slice it, we’re missing a birthday episode for Rapunzel and season three has to be more than a year; a year and a half at the very least, if not two full years.

Look I’m not trying to be disrespectful of the talented artists who worked on this show, but their word isn’t law. The very fact that they’ve had to tell us the timeline after the series was over with indicates bad writing, and the very fact that the show itself contradicts them indicates either a lack of communication behind the scenes or a lack of editorial oversight. Either option is just poor management.

We Have Yet Another Failed Narrative Promise!

Are we seeing a pattern yet?

This is the third time in a row where the episode flat out states that Rapunzel needs to learn something and then, just, never has her learn it; four if you count her non-apology to Varian. Instead the show rewards her for her bad behavior by just giving her want she wants on a sliver platter for no adequate reason.

In fact, one could argue that this episode is the worst offender in the show because divorce is a real thing real kids have to go through. Children that will undoubtedly watch the series.

How upsetting would it be to such a child to watch Rapunzel force her parents back together with zero consequences and realize that they can’t do that in real life? It can potentially feed into misplaced delusions or make them even more bitter, either way it’s unhealthy and super irresponsible to tackle such subject matter in this way. Even Sesame Street handled the topic of divorce better than this supposedly ‘mature’ show.

It’s a Castle! Why Can’t Frederic Get His Own Room?

Frederic is the king. He still technically owns everything even if he’s not the one still in charge. He could have his pick of any room so why is he forcing himself on Eugene? Hell he doesn’t even have to stay in the castle. As pointed out during The Return of the King review, there’s other accommodations within the kingdom that’s suited for royalty. Why not head up to that mountain retreat?

This is a Really Bad Message

I understand that this is meant to be a joke, because of how ridiculously over the top it is, but because the series gives Rapunzel what she wants in the end without ever having her acknowledge how she is wrong here, it winds up validating her toxic world view anyways.

Divorce is not inherently a bad thing. We should be working towards both normalizing it and promoting healthy coping mechanisms for those that go through it, adult and child alike. What Rapunzel is doing here is just repeating puritanical fearmongering. And while I can understand why she might behave in this way, I don't understand why the show refuses to call her out on it. Or any of the other million bad behaviors she displays repeatedly through out the show... like the example below for instance...

Why Am I Suppose to Like Rapunzel Again?

It’s like the writers don’t understand that a joke can damage a character, especially if it’s overplayed. Super sweet upbeat Rapunzel snapping because she finally met someone who was annoying or a situation she couldn’t just solve with a positive attitude was funny maybe like the first time; but we’re three seasons in and this is supposedly her closest loved ones.

Look at them! They’re fucking terrified of her! All they did was point out that she maybe should do her job and deal with real problems instead of poking her nose into her parents business where it doesn’t belong! And this brat is now the ruler of the whole kingdom!? No one can legally stand up to her.

Like where’s the Eugene that stood up to her in Under Raps for trying this same bullshit? Why hasn’t she learned her lesson? She also pulled this same bullying tactic on young Lance and teen Eugene two episodes. Cass left her ass, supposedly, because of her bossy thoughtless ways. And this is also the same woman who abused a child back in season one and still has never acknowledged it.

Yes characters should be flawed, but they should also face real consequences for their actions, and if they’re a protagonist they need to learn and grow past their flaws.

I actively started to dislike Rapunzel after this scene. I already felt something was off way back in the season three opener, but this is the point where I stopped and went “What the fuck?” She used to be my second favorite character behind Varian. I didn’t go into this wanting to hate her, even after this episode I still held out hope that they were trying to purposefully lead up to some sort of falling out with everyone and with Rapunzel having to own up to her bullshit in order to win. You know like a classic third act “the hero is now alone due to their past mistakes” type story. But Nope!

There’s no pay off for any of this. Rapunzel is just mean for the sake of being mean in season three, and no one is aloud to call her out on it. She’s now the same type person as Frederic, a tyrant. That’s not a good development!

She’s Literally Bullying Her Own Parents Now, and I’m Suppose to Find that Funny?

Yes, Frederic is her abuser, and yes some people might find this scene cathartic if they hate him. But this isn’t actually calling out his past abuse. It’s just Rapunzel treating a now powerless old man with that same abuse and denying him bodily autonomy. An old man who has both less political rights and less power within the relationship than her; since due to his memory loss he is now dependent upon her.

In the real world it’s the equivalent of picking on an Alzheimer's patient who is in your care. I don’t give a shit how much of dick they were before the illness set in, you don’t fucking do that!

Why Should I Want Arianna and Frederic To Be a Couple?

The show has done nothing to sell this relationship. In fact one could argue that the show is trying to purposefully sabotage it.

Before the memory loss Frederic was proven to be abusive, to the point where even his own wife was afraid of him and wouldn’t stand up to him. Meanwhile Arianna was shown to be a shell of her former self who’d all but given up upon the things she actually enjoyed in life. And now that they both have had a second chance they have even less motive to stay together.

Look at Arianna up there? She’s clearly not enjoying her time with him. While he doesn’t want to engage in anything that she likes. I mean a couple doesn’t have to share their interests in everything, but there still has to be some sort of connection and the series just does not give us that connection.

There’s no reason why they should stay together. They no longer have any commitment or duty to fulfill as rulers and their daughter is fully grown. Contrary to what Rapunzel says, the kingdom isn’t going to fall apart if they separate. It actually would probably better for everyone, including Rapunzel, if they got divorced. At least then she’d have to grow up somewhat and stop being a controlling asshat.

Why is Attila Here?

I thought Attila got a job running his own bakery and that it was Lance who became the new cook at the Snuggly Duckling? Even if you argued that Attila was just doing Rapunzel a solid that still wouldn’t explain who is running the place when Lance isn’t there.

If you’re going to set up developments like that then you need to either stick with them or give an on screen reason for why these previous developments are no longer relevant. Flat out ignoring them like this is just lazy.

Lance’s New Outfit is the Best Thing About the Episode, and It’s Also a Complete Waste.

Lance deserved a new outfit because the team was too lazy to give him one for season two, even during the island arc. This however is a waste because it doesn’t add anything to the narrative. People were paid to make this thing for it to only show up for a few seconds of screen time.

This Whole Exchange Is Gross.

Oh let me count the ways in which this is so, so stupid.

Neither Rapunzel nor Frederic has ever proven themselves “thoughtful and responsible.” In fact both of them being irresponsible is intentionally a plot point in the main story arc.

How would either Frederic or Arianna know any of this? Not only have they lost their memories, but they didn’t raise Rapunzel themselves and those traits aren’t inherited; they are taught.

Gushing over your grown daughter isn’t a point of connection!

Why would anyone be compelled to kiss a practical stranger, that they previously didn’t even like, just because they both admire some woman they also barely know and happen to be related to? What is the thought process behind this? “Oh we made that? Then lets make another one!” What the fuck show? I’m ace and even I know that’s not a normal thing to get titillated over.

The Series Turns Frederic Into a Literal Baby In a Last Ditch Effort to Make Him Likable

The whole point behind the amnesia plot was to absolve Frederic of his past wrong doings. You can’t call out an old man with Alzheimer's for being a dictator, I suppose. (not like that’s ever stopped me from criticizing Ronald Reagan, tho) But from there the series then takes it one step further and actually infantilizes both Frederic and Arianna, because Chris assumes that if he makes Fredric as pathetic as possible the audience won't hate him any more. Well guess what, it didn’t work. Frederic isn’t suddenly a poor woobie just because he’s useless now. That’s not how that works.

Rapunzel Literally Physically Assaults a Person, Kidnaps Them, Threatens Them With Even More Bodily Harm, and Causes an International Incident; All Because They Asked Her Mom Out On a Date!

You can’t hear it in the screen shots, but there’s very clearly a clanging sound to indicate that Rapunzel just wacked Trevor upside the head and knocked him out.

Let me repeat, a Disney protagonist just committed armed assault against a guy, simply because she doesn’t respect her own mother.

What the Fuck!!!???

Arianna is fully grown woman. She is perfectly capable of making her own choices and she agreed of her own volition to go out with him. In fact she’s the one who asked Trevor if she could come along on his sea voyage. It’s not Rapunzel’s place to interfere with that.

Secondly, Rapunzel shouldn’t get a free pass to attack people just because she’s doesn’t like them. And she most assuredly shouldn’t get to write off her cruelty as justice because she's royalty! What the hell? You just turned one of your official princesses into a literal tyrant for the sake of a joke, Disney!

Where the fuck was the oversight on this show!?

And to top it all off, Trevor is a ruler of a competing kingdom. This could easily have been deemed an act of war. Thankfully for everyone involved Trevor has far more sense and compassion than Rapunzel and doesn’t push the matter.

Yes that’s right! The intentionally annoying prat and comedic antagonist is a more upstanding person than the main heroine! Let that sink in!

Wait, If Laws Don’t Apply Out In the Ocean, Then Why Did Eugene and Max Have Jurisdiction to Arrest Lady Caine in Peril on the High Seas?

Max shoved this same rule book into Eugene’s face when Eugene rightfully questioned if it was his job to arrest the mutineers. This book said that it was not only his job, but that he was also legally required to stop any and all ‘wrongdoing’ no matter where he was at nor whether he was on duty or not. While also failing to specify what ‘wrongdoing’ entailed.

Now that’s very problematic and ridiculous for a whole host of reasons that I’ve already covered back in my review of Peril on the High Seas, but this scene now adds a whole new layer of stupidity to the mix.

If zero laws apply out in open waters than yes, Eugene and Max were acting out of their jurisdiction. Not only that, but the pervious dumb rule regarding their duties is also now null and void. So, Justice For Lady Caine!

Oh, but were not done yet, cause it gets dumber.

If laws, including marriage don't apply, then getting married while out at sea also would not apply. Thereby rendering Trevor’s plan useless, unless they got married back in Equis. Which if they did that, it would bypass the entire pointless rule book completely because Equis is not subject to Corona’s laws anyways.

There’s not even any ‘inter-kingdom’ laws that they would be subject too because Equis isn’t a part of the seven kingdoms. Any treaty they did previously have with Corona would be something else entirely, and Trevor would be within his rights to end such an agreement.

Also Trevor is a king. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. Same goes for Arianna.

Ummm, No You Don’t Rapunzel

Trevor can’t marry Arianna without her agreement to it. It’s already been established that she’s physically capable of taking care of herself and she’s also mature enough to make her own decisions. If she did wind up marrying him it’d be because it’s her fucking choice to and Rapunzel has zero right to interfere with that.

There’s no one to rescue here. Rapunzel has no reason to go chasing after her mom. All this is doing is denying a grown woman agency over her own life. Why should I or anyone, root for Rapunzel here?

You Do Know That Arianna Has More Than Just Two Choices Here, Don't Ya Show?

Arianna doesn’t have to be in any relationship. That’s also an option. While I personally like Trevor, this shouldn’t be a choice between him or Frederic. The show should be asking what Arianna, as a character, would want for her life, instead of just shoehorning her into just being a wife for someone else.

I still don’t know what Arianna really wants in life, but I do know that being a domestic housewife and a queen does not suit her. She doesn’t actually like being tied down with commitments and responsibilities. She’s repeatedly indicated over and over again that she feels uncomfortable in her role.

But the show reduces her into trophy to win and turns her into a damsel in distress multiple times. Then it further neuters her so that she complacently walks back into that life over and over again for no logical reason. She’s treated not as a person but as a prop.

Really, Arianna? Are You Really Sure About That?

These aren’t Arianna’s words. They’re Chris’s.

Arianna has shown zero interest in Frederic up to this point. The closest they got was during that creepy boat scene where they just jumped to almost kissing for no real reason. While before now Arianna was making actual goo-goo eyes at Trevor earlier, before Raps stepped in and broke them up.

They actually do have things in common and had a genuine point of connection. They even almost kissed themselves until Raps started being a dick. No forced and icky conversations about their grown children needed here folks!

While I still firmly believe Arianna should just be single, the show does far more to convince me that she and Trevor should be together more so than her and Frederic. Everything about this scene on the boat feels forced and hollow because it doesn’t ring true to what was previously established.

This just isn’t good writing. It’s the animation equivalent of a six year old smashing their Barbie dolls faces together and shouting “now kiss!”, all because a middle aged man couldn’t get over they fact people didn’t like his self insert.

No, wait, I apologize. That’s being mean to six year olds. They usually have more interesting plots and established characterization than this.

Hey, Remember When the Series Villainized an Orphan For Stealing This Stupid Book?

Yeah, stealing the book was treason and the mains ruined a child’s life over it, but apparently it just doesn’t matter any more cause no one seems to give a shit about Trevor taking it. Like, yes, as the king of another kingdom, Trevor isn’t beholden to Frederic’s bullshit, but you would think that the characters would treat this as a bigger deal than what they do, given how they responded previously to it being taken.

Unless Rapunzel was just talking out of her ass back during The Alchemist Returns. That’s also quite possible.

This Literally Has Nothing To Do With You Rapunzel

Just because Rapunzel herself is a woman, doesn’t mean that stealing the agency of another female character isn’t misogynist. Especially when their both written by primarily men.

Every guy who was involved with the writing of the episode, should be fucking ashamed of themselves!!!

So What Exactly Has Trevor Done Wrong Up To This Point?

Yes, the story board artists and voice actors do a lot of heavy lifting here to try and make Trevor seem like a creep. Arianna’s body language and tone of voice when dealing with him here will be very familiar to a lot of women, I’m sure. I know what it’s like to have a stalker and not know how to turn them down because you’ve been trained all your life to ‘be polite and nice” to people, and I’m not unique in that regard.

But here’s the thing, it’s not set up properly. There’s nothing backing this sudden shift in the characters’ dynamic. Up till now Trevor has been a perfect gentlemen. Sure he was over the top as always, and you could call it an act when regarding his politeness to Frederic, but he seemed to genuinely respect and admire Arianna and clearly desires genuine affection in return from her. Why would he suddenly stop behaving in a way that worked for him and start talking over her instead?

Also why wouldn’t Arianna just tell him no to begin with if that’s what she wants? She had no trouble speaking her mind before now. But that begs the question why she wouldn’t return his feelings as well, because as stated above, she clearly showed interest in him previously.

This is So Fucking Forced

Yeah, okay, you’re daughter has no reason to be here to begin with, disrespected your wishes, and attacked Trevor first. At this point I’d argue he has a right to retaliate. Especially since, if Rapunzel was allowed to board, you know she’d just attack him again, because she knows no other way to resolve conflicts other than to hit people very hard.

Arianna’s actions here only make sense if she’s kept in the dark about what an awful human being her daughter really is. That’s poor writing.

Also, having a woman just punch people while denying them actually agency and choice within the plot is not ‘girl power.’ It’s fucking misogyny!

How Does Doing the Bare Minimum, and Just Showing Basic Human Decency Count As ‘True Love’?

What was she suppose to do? Let him drown? I mean I wouldn’t, and I despise the man. Not to mention anyone else could have done the same thing. They’re all right there. If Lance had jumped to the rescue would Trevor have proclaim them lovers too?

Trevor Is Still the Better Man Here

Here he is rescuing Rapunzel even after she treated him like shit.

Best. King. Period.

This Still Doesn’t Redeem Frederic

So through out the episode Frederic has inexpiably shown an obsession for eggs. He now collects them even though this was never an established trait before now. But whatever. He’s just been through something traumatic and looking for something to ground himself. Far be it from me to make fun of someone else’s special interest. If you like to collet eggs than good for you. Go live your life to fullest.

That’s more respectful than how the show handles it, as everyone dismiss his interest and it’s treated like a joke through out the episode. Only to have said obsession save the day. But this isn’t here to teach the others about respecting other people’s hobbies, oh no, it’s here to try and give Frederic a big hero moment so you’ll cheer for him.

Except one nice thing does not erase his past actions! I don’t care what your hobby is, if you deliberately try to cause grievous harm to people you’re and asshole! And you will continue to be an asshole until you can admit what you’ve done wrong and try your best to make up for it.

I Hope You Made Back Up Copies of The Tunnel Maps

A bunch of people are more upset over this development than I am, because it is a historical artifact and preserving the past is important. But the only story function the book held was a map to the tunnels, and said tunnels were never utilized properly through out the entire show.

To this day people still don’t understand that they’re meant connect the island to Old Corona or that Herz Der Sonne is the one who built them into order to invade Saporia because the show is so bad at its world building. And come season three, they’re all but irrelevant anyways. Such a wasted concept.

Once Again the Whole ‘Memory Loss’ Subplot Is a Copout

Ok that’s not how the spell worked previously, but that’s not what I’m taking issue with here.

If the whole point behind the amnesia plot twist was to sweep Frederic’s awfulness under the rug, then I expect his past actions to be addressed once he’s regained his memories. They are not.

This episodes reverses the very thing that the season was trying to achieve and just hopes the audience is too stupid/attention deficient to notice. Well guess what, we noticed and we’re far smarter than you Chris.

Conclusion

I don’t understand the point of this episode. It shoots everything season three is trying to do in the foot. It screws up the timeline, makes Rapunzel even more of an irredeemable dickhead while preventing her from learning yet another needed lesson, undermines Arianna as a character once again, and it puts Frederic back in the crosshairs of the audience’s scrutiny.

Oh and look, it’s written by the same guy who wrote Rapunzel’s Return. Why am I not surprised.

Anyways another one down and only 15 more to go. You can support my continued marathon by dropping a tip in my ko-fi if you wish. I’m currently back to job hunting yet again and anything you can give is appreciated.

https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

#Rapunzel #rapunzel's tangled adventure #anti-tangled #anti-rapunzel #ferderic #arianna #tangled #tangled the series

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cherripeach · 3 years

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Chapter 8

Little Match Maker

Summary: Your life motto is “I have the power of god and anime on my side, don’t mess with me,” and you stand by that with your life. No human, magician, or random creature could ever stop your firm belief in it.

However, getting transported to this world that seemed to turn your already bad luck worse was not what you wanted to be in your life story, but you made the most of it. Making friends, enemies, and disasters, you were in your prime in this world, and so you decided to help as many people as you could flourish, at least what you believed to be.

Prologue 19-20: *Mario Theme Song* *kid bangs head on desk*

Chapter Summary: Finally, a solid moment of calm.

Warnings: Curse words, jokes about death, jokes about coma

Words: 3.3k

Relationships: developing but future twstxreader

The three of you began your journey back to the mirror. All of you are more damaged and much more of a mess than the cottage.

Grim was satisfied with whatever he ate, so much, in fact that he was situated on your shoulder, rubbing his belly and even burping in your ear.

As tired as you are, you still could not knock Grim off of your shoulder. Petting his head, however, did put more energy back into your energy bar. You could even hear the slightest pur coming from him.

Ace and Deuce both trudged behind you back to the mirror. Ace appeared remarkably more beat up than Deuce, but neither appeared put together.

Once all three of you finally stood before the mirror door, you could breathe a sigh of relief because there was no more spooky forest anymore.

After you got into the school, you allowed Ace and Deuce to lead the group because you had no clue where the Headmaster would be located. You three went up over four flights of stairs and through like ten hallways, and you finally arrived at a set of ginormous, old, brown double doors.

The three of you stopped in front of the door, and Ace held up his hand and knocked.

When nothing was heard or no one came, all three of you walked inside.

Headmaster Crowley was sitting at his desk, slouched over a stack of paper, writing and reading from the paper in front of him. Even when you, Deuce, Ace, and Grim walked in (even though Grim was on your hip), the headmaster did not even look up at you.

It was not until Ace coughed into his hand that the headmaster’s head popped up to stare in awe at your group. He could not even put words together as he was just lost staring at the three of you. His mouth even moved some as if it was trying to find some words to say. If you could see his eyes, you were sure that they would be bulging out of his head by now.

Grim flung his arms up in the air yelling, “Hey, we went into that scary mine and got you the crystal thing. At least, say something!”

The Headmaster flew up out of his seat, “Eh!? You really went to Dwarfs' Mine to find a magic crystal?”

“Eeeh?” The three idiots and you all jumped back.

The headmaster shot a look at all four of you idiots to let him speak and then shook his head, “I really didn't think… You'd not only go but then come back with a crystal in hand. I quietly completed the paperwork for your expulsion.”

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” As nothing was going your way, you may as well mess more up, so you began your lecture, “I have spent all of my afternoon and most of my night babying and taking care of these three imbeciles, so they stop whining about everything. I also had to actually get them to work together to defeat a monster that is against safety standards for a principal to let the students go up against. All without a decent meal, sleep, or a shower. I look like and feel like shit and now have more bruises and scratches on my body than your number of mistakes in the last twenty-four hours.” You quited down some If I could, “And if someone doesn’t try to cooperate and help me, I’ll start sobbing right here.”

The principal was left stunned, but quickly shook it off, “I apologize for your grievances, but what do you mean by ‘monster’. And more importantly what do you mean by ‘work together’?”

‘Did he not hear a word I just said??’ Your mind would not allow you to forget this moment.

Ace popped into the conversation now, “There was a monster there!

It was super gross and crazy strong, it was awful!” He stuck his tongue out in disgust.

The headmaster placed his hands on his desk and leaned forward, “Could you explain it in more detail? And also tell me how you worked together to defeat it?”

Ace, Deuce, and you started on your long, treacherous (As Grim described it) journey and battle to get the magic crystal which was still gripped in your hand.

The handmaster let out a chuckle, “hoh hooh. A mysterious monster living in the coal mine. The four of you worked together to defeat it and bring back a magic crystal?”

Deuce and Ace could beg to differ:

Ace crossed his arms and turned away, “We didn't really work together…”

Deuce could only look at his feet, “It was more like our goals were aligned…”

The Headmaster grabbed the clothes near his heart and slowly out of his mouth came booming sobs and howls.

Grim faced you and inquired, “What's with this guy? Why is an adult bursting into tears!?”

You shook your head, “To be honest, I don’t know nor do I care. I just want to go back home.”

The Headmaster shot back up from his slouched cry to gaze at all four of you, “In all these years that I've been Headmaster… For the day to come that students from Night Raven College go hand-in-hand to face and defeat their enemy!”

Deuce gave a shout of, “What?! I did not hold this guy’s hand!”

And that just would be the only thing that Deuce cared about.

Ace was the same as he scowled at Deuce, “I would never do that, gross! But Headmaster, how old are you!?”

The Headmaster dabbed his eyes on a random tissue he pulled out of thin air, “ I am overwhelmed with emotion. This incident confirms it.” He turned to you and spoke your name, “Without a doubt, you have talent as a beast tamer.”

And with you delusions of no sleep, no water, and almost no food, you heard that completely wrong.

“Headmaster, look I’m not one to judge, but that sounds too kinky to be school appropriate.” You signed and shook your hand that was not holding Grim.

Ace and Deuce made wide eyes at you, but the Headmaster just continued on.

He threw his hands out as if he was worshiping himself, “Students of Night Raven College are budding wizards called here by the Dark Mirror. However, they are of a superior class that makes them prideful and egotistical people that have not even the slightest inkling to work with others. Making many of them selfish and centered.”

Grim’s nose wrinkled, “You're really not saying anything good.”

Crowley (Since I finally realize that he does have a name) pointed a finger at you, “You cannot use magic. But, maybe, precisely because you cannot use magic means that you could give instructions to wizards and get them to cooperate. Perhaps that mediocrity is exactly what this school needs right now.”

Ace repeated Grim’s line with furrowed eyebrows, “He’s not saying anything nice, is he?”

Your smile lifted as you locked eyes with Ace, “It’s not like there is anything nice to say about you.”

Headmaster Crowley ignored your discussion but still had a finger pointed at you, “I have no doubt that your existence is essential to the future of this academy. So says my educator-senses. Trappola, Spade. Along with rescinding your expulsion I shall give you the qualifications to attend Night Raven College as a student!“

You paused from your glare of with Ace, “Wait.. what?” Your eyes widened, but Grim’s grip on your cloak tightened.

The other two boys threw in their own remarks and confusion about the situation.

You had gained eye contact with the man for a solid five seconds just to say, “You have gotta be kiddin’ me?” before he spun around with his hands in the same position to worship himself.

He chuckled and nodded, “Yes. For I am exceedingly gracious. But, there is one condition. You cannot use magic. Becoming a wizard is out of the question. You probably will not be able to complete all your lessons. That is why, Grim. You have proven to me that you possess enough talent to become a wizard. Therefore, I shall allow the two of you to enrol together, as one student.”

Grim skirted out of your arms onto the Headmaster’s desk, “I... I can go to this academy too...? Not as a handyman, but as a student?”

Headmaster Crowley turned back around to emphasize to Grim his next lecture topic, “Yes. Provided that! You don't ever let an incident like yesterday occur again! Do we have an agreement?“

Grim snatched the Headmaster’s hand and lobbed it up and down, “Yes, yes, yes.” All before leaping into your arms with a little speckle of a tear in his eyes, “We-we can.”

You ran your hand through the fur on his head, “Yes, we can.”

He sprung up while still in your hold with his hands held high, “I did it!”

The Headmaster opened a drawer and pulled out a piece of cloth, “Well then, I shall give the symbol of your status as a student of Night Raven College, a magic crystal, to Grim.”

Crowley walked over to the two of you and wrapped the collar around Grim’s neck.

Grim began pulling on it and observing all that he could, “Whoa! A magic crystal!?”

The Headmaster bobs his head, “It is the norm for students to have their magic crystals in the form of a 'magic pen' but, you wouldn't be able to grip it in your paws, right? It's a special custom. Aaah... I pay attention to even the smallest details! Aren't I too gracious?”

Grim rocked back and forth in your arms while waving his hands and hitting your face several times, “I did it!! I'm so cool! I got my own special magic crystal collar~”

The Headmaster shook his head and turned to you, “He isn't listening at all...Do you understand? As you can see, Grim is not accustomed to human society. It's up to you to take the rein and supervise him to prevent from causing any more trouble!”

You breathed in and out, “So now you are going to force onto me more responsibilities? Let’s just make me in charge of the country while we are at it”

Ace grabbed your shoulders and cackled, “Aha! Look at you. School's just started, but you're already a supervisor?”

Deuce verbalized his findings, “I see. There's only the two of you in your dorm… so if you've been entrusted with supervising Grim, that makes you a supervisor.”

Ace’s cackle burst through his lips again, “Pufft... Isn't that unheard of? For there to be a supervisor student who is unable to use magic. Nice. It's cool. A supervisor student who is unable to use magic!”

You squinted your eyes, scrunched up your nose, and frowned your lips, “Because this is exactly what I want to do with my life. Of course, not sleep 24/7 or” You tossed the hand not holding Grim up, “Or how about something even better: a coma.”

Ace let go of you and walked around you to get behind you, only to smack your back, “Good luck, supervisor!”

You glared at Ace and murmured, “I’ll steal all of your favorite snacks. I’d say hurt you, but eating your snacks will hurt you mentally.”

Headmaster Crowley snapped his fingers, “I see, a supervisor. I do have a work request, and having a title makes it very convenient... This is wonderful! Supervisor. I entrust you with this. ...This is nicknamed the ‘ghost camera’.”

This camera or whatever was an old camera thing, but you weren’t listening. Your lack of sleep was catching up to you once your brain realized that the stress of being kicked out was gone. Your eyes began to flutter close every couple of seconds and then snap open once you brain processed what was happening. Problem was that you did not understand anything that came out of anyone’s mouth until Ace elbowed you in the ribs.

You caught the headmaster's end of a speech, “Does my graciousness know no bounds?”

You stumbled over your words, “Uh...yeah. Thanks a lot.”

Crowley sat back down, “It is already late. Let's save the detailed conversation for tomorrow.

Return to your dormitories, everyone.”

Deuce bowed to the man, “Pardon our intrusion.”

All three of you just about sprinted out of that room.

Once in the hallway, a yawn came out of your mouth.

Deuce sighed, “Haaaaaah... Expulsion rescinded... I'm beat.”

Grim was the only one of you four who did not look like they were about to pass out right now with his singing and skipping, “I start as a student of Night Raven College tomorrow! I'm gonna leave you all in the dust and take the top spot!”

Ace snorted, “You talk big for someone who is only half a full student... Anyway, it's fine.”

“We're classmates tomorrow, Supervisor, Grim.” Deuce bowed to you two.

You just bob your head at the two who started a conversation about how they have to see each other every day even if they don’t want to.

Ace rolled his eyes, turned to you, and smiled somewhat, “Alright, see you tomorrow, Supervisor.”

Grim turned to face you, “We better get back to the dorm! Tomorrow, we aren't the handyman! Finally... Finally! Our bright and shiny academy life at Night Raven College begins!”

You could only throw a thumbs up to show you were listening to Grim as you followed him to your dorm.

Once at your dorm, Grim sprinted to bed and passed out before you even made it in the room.

You went into your bathroom to check if you had any running water, and what a sight it was when you realized that you still did not have any running water.

You just had to curse that man out, “Fuck that ignorant man! When I get my hands on him, I’ll strangle the bullshit out of him!”

You huffed out and decided that getting out of this cloak was the best option to at least be more comfortable. Taking off the cloak and placing it on the bathroom counter, all you saw was what a mess you had become: you were breaking out again as acne appeared from stress and lack of care, your eye bags could probably hold weights above what your arms could, your lips were in dire need of chapstick, and your hair was probably able to be a grill with all the grease on it.

You slapped your cheeks and struggled to walk downstairs because there was no way you were going to sleep in these conditions without a shower and without proper air conditioning or food for dinner.

You dumped your poor self on the almost destroyed couch and just tried to close your eyes. You only had your eyes close for a minute when you heard a rustling outside of your dorms.

You sat up and surveyed the area making sure no one was inside as if anything important or worth stealing was inside the house, and after you saw no one inside, you checked the window closest to you. All you could see was a cult like gathering of fire flies and a tall ass figure in view.

And in your haze of delusions you went outside to greet the being.

You stepped out the door and down a couple of stairs to get a clear view of the male, and from what you could assume he was not bad on the eyes. He looked familiar, but your mind was blacking for a minute there; The horns were an odd part, but I mean there were furries here.

The male finally noticed you when you tripped down the last step and almost fell on your face, but you didn’t, so you didn’t embarrass yourself in front of the male who looked like he could kill you which in your eyes is the one thing that makes a man.

The male and you finally locked eyes causing you to awkwardly smile at him while he just put on a confused face that you would see on a dog, and then, your brain connected the dots.

The horned puppy decided to start the conversation, “Child of man, why do you look sick?”

Kinda hurt, not gonna lie, but you have to hide it, “Wow, puppy, and to think I thought you liked me.”

The male’s face fell, “I never meant to offend you. Your appearance is concerning, however, and I do not want you to be facing any trouble here.”

“Nothing you can do, dude.” You shook your head, but you had an idea, “I mean, unless you can either let me borrow your shower or fix my water…” You threw in your sad eyes to make it more appealing.

The male was taken aback, “Your water is not working?”

“Nope.” You popped the ‘p.’

The male gazed at your house, “I hope to be of some use to you with your troubles.”

You snorted at his response and began to walk to the house, “Well, dude, I’ve always wanted a boyfriend…” You raised your eyebrows at him.

The male’s face contorted in confusion, “I do not believe that I could offer any help at finding another for you.”

You shook your head, “You know what, let’s just go fix my water.”

You two finally entered the dorm and headed to the basement where the water tank was.

You pointed at the water tank, “I don’t know what to do. Please work your magic, magic man.”

The horned male pulled out his pen from his pocket and murmured some words only for a bright green light to appear and fly onto the water tank.

After a couple of seconds, you could hear water flowing into and out of the water tank.

You jumped onto the tall male and squeezed his neck to both hold on and show your gratitude, “You are the absolute best person I have ever met. I could just kiss you right now!”

The male stood there in your arms waiting to be let go you guess, but since you have not had a hug in more than a day you were going to take full advantage of this. You squash his neck between your arms and finally, when you heard a cough, you slowly began to let go.

“Really, thanks dude. I don't know what I would do without you.” You smiled up at the male in your appreciation.

The male bowed to you, “It was not a problem, child of man. I do not need your gratitude.”

You slapped his arm, “Oh, shut up! You are amazing and definitely need my thanks.”

The male shook his head, “It is time for me to go back home, child of man. I hope you are blessed with a great night.”

You walked with the male back upstairs and out the door. He waved goodbye and headed to two figures in the distance. One reminded you of sleep beauty as you named him.

You also found this as a great time to embarrass the horned male, “Since you fixed my water, I’ll give you a free pass for whatever you want in the future. And I mean whenever. But thanks so muchhhhhhh!” You yelled at the males with your hands cupped to your mouth.

The taller of the two other boys, the one who you did not know and was not sleeping beauty, was being held back by sleeping beauty for some reason.

You just threw your shoulders up and walked back inside ready to take a shower.

And the shower was the best one you ever had. If only you could get a change of clothes.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x you #twst x reader #ace trappola #deuce spade #twst grim #malleus draconia #twst crowley #twst crossover

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scarsmood · 3 years

Text

Mental Health and Otherkinity

This is my panel I did today! enjoy! it’s the script

My name is scar im apart of a system of 4, I am mightyenakin from pokemon. Trans ftm and very queer. We have a lot to go over so lets jump in.

Today I want to talk about my experience with being psychological kin. Talk about how this has shaped me as a person. How the community handles psychological kin as well as the greater outside world. So lets get into it. Otherkinity has been in my life ever since I can remember. From the age of 3 I can remember feeling non human and having alters that were also non human. I’ve also found for my life and my experience my mental health and my otherkinity are two things that have wound themselves together. I can never look at one without the other are both play a critical role in my identity.

I can say as psychological otherkin right now I stand at an interesting intersection of my life where I have the most freedom I have ever had and dealing with the worst trauma I’ve had to face. I recently got out of a bad long term relationship of something I had been in for 7 years. I can say the events I’ve lived did and still do directly impact my identity and change how I see myself.

for me I cannot explore my otherkinity without exploring my trauma and mental health

these two parts of myself are closely woven together. DID is a product of trauma and it’s something that rules over my life daily.

It is something I don’t just accommodate it is a way of life for me.

For the past 3 years I’ve been in intensive therapy going at least once every two weeks. At one point going twice a week, completed an inpatient and outpatient program. Needless to say I have been fortunate enough to not be in a lot of debt. However I would like to think that these things have helped me immensely. With the background talk out of the way lets get into how these things have shaped my identity.

A little bit about me. I am diagnosed with DID or dissociative identity disorder. This means my identity is split apart between alters or alternate personalities. If your unfamiliar with plurality I can say with confidence that can be its own talk but heres what you need to know.

• My alters are distinct each having their own morals, ideals, life perspective, lived experiences and memories separate from my own.

• We all share one body like roommates share an apartment space

• My alters are a result of trauma I experienced during my life. Each of us hold our share of trauma so imaging trauma is sandbags instead of 1 person holding 100 pounds of sand we have given 25 pounds of sand to 4 alters. Which is much more manageable.

• My alters including me were shaped from the environment they came from

· Alters also share an inner world where they can interact with one another. This also a place where I can easily my identity and how I view myself internally.

Some others fun things about me is I have some mild psychotic symptoms. Since I’m in my early 20’s they’re pretty manageable at the moment I am always keeping an eye out for them worsening though. These things include hallucinations visual, auditory, touch, smell, taste. I also have a weird mix of beliefs that can mix into delusion territory but aren’t damaging to my life and therefore cant really place a good label on them. So I consider them delusional like but not the same experience as a true delusion I believe I could very much be wrong.

my first identity shift was when I was a child about 3 years old was the first time me as an alter became prominently separate from our host. It was apparently at that time I was non human and a hyena. I looked like a hyena from lion king roughly no character in particular and acted as a companion/ friend.

When I got a bit older at 4-5 my identity shifted once I moved and left behind some family. I changed from a hyena to a pokemon. If I could guess I would say due to a pokemons inherent loyalty. My identity became a mightyena a wolfish hyena basically and the codependency that pokemon carry also carried over.

I was depended on to be support for our host and to take care of them as a friend and caretaker. We experienced neglect at the time and this was reflected with my identity. I was a creature that was supposed to stay with someone forever basically giving a comfort we were missing to our host so they could continue functioning. I would say my identity changes based on my environment and is sensitive to my environment all the time

depending on what I experience I see myself change and adapt because of how sensitive we are as a system trying to adapt in the world around us. I often think if my identity isn’t shifting a little it might be a sign of trouble and us shutting down being unable to adapt and change.

When I was 5-6 it changed to its own species a threatening wolf. Which it stayed until a few months ago. My identity as a threatening wolf changed a lot I had spikes then got a sword tail then was able to breathe fire, my size would shift and change, my tail length and ability to move it would change. Teeth, eye color, would all change depending on my environment. For example when I was deep in abuse with my ex I gained the ability to breathe fire suddenly as a needed adaption to scare them away. My eyes turned red to look scarier. I got bigger. This all happened internally as my ex was able to interact within our system in our inner world. Which is a terrible idea by the way don’t be an idiot like me. Which was why I needed to look scarier as a way of protection

Lately I have been healing from trauma and now that my ex is gone so is a lot of pressure to defend myself so I turned back into a mightyena which is much more defenseless but much truer to how I see myself in a safe space. Im sure if trauma happened again I would shift back to a threatening wolf as a means for protection. When it comes to plurality labels I fall under protector and host we are pretty integrated though so we have grown out of most typical labels due to how functional each of us are now.

This concept of a changing identity is taboo in otherkin communities

usually we are lead to believe when we were kids we have always been one strict animal for our whole lives and just now learning about it. this animal never changes it is static unchanging and we simply learn about it as we grow up. My experience has been wholly different. My animal and my identity changes based on my environment it can be subtle or drastic. I never evoke or ask for the changes they simply happen and I have to adapt to the new way I see myself. Trying to apply my identity to the common otherkin rhetoric gave me a lot of grief as a teenager

when I was about 13 because I would discover something about myself say breathing fire or growing in size and be ashamed because I knew these changes were not “typical”

as an aside I think this notion that my experience is atypical is also false. I think this is fairly common but a lot of otherkin just handle it in a way that flows with the static concept where we learn we have a new kin type but still also have the old one, we learn something about our kin type that totally shifts it but connect it back to our old kin type, we find new features, personality traits or experiences that now define our kintype that were never there before and newly discovered

Otherkinity is about self discovery and how it’s essentially chasing a dragon. Literally. We will never fully know our internal identity no matter how closely we look into it. there is so much that we learn and how to weave into our identity otherkintiy is as much of an art as it is a science when it comes to self reflection. It’s just like any other aspect of ourselves we can create labels for our sexuality and they work but they don’t capture 100% of what you experience theyre a short hand for others. I find that otherkinity is this concept on steroids. I find my identity to be a much larger part as it impacts everything including my sexuality it is more prominent for me so trying to put it under labels becomes increasingly difficult.

How are we supposed to create a short hand for who we are? All of those moving pieces inside of us that shape our perspective, experiences, how we interact with people, how we love people, how we go through day to day life, and we are supposed to just say something like “bear therian” what if it changes? What if we have quirks that our outside of this label? When I first joined the otherkin community it was pretty frowned upon to change your identity. You had to be a wolf therian, you had to be a dragonkin. Once you picked a label that was it. your locking into your identity if you didn’t you weren’t taken seriously.

Ableism in the otherkin community

I question as well if this correlation between identity stability and maturity/credibility is ableism. Usually I noticed when I first join the therian and otherkin community there was a push for “not looking crazy” so as to not get bullied further for identities. I’m sure anyone in the LGBT community knows trying to please people making fun of you really doesn’t work. There is a prominent fear of seeming to outsiders as if were roleplaying or kinning for fun which seems to be a whole other topic in and of itself. My personal experience has lead me to the conclusion that these people are going to come at you regardless of how often you shift your identity, how seriously or goofy you take it, how analytical you are with your identity whether you write essays or one sentence it does not change the views of outsiders.

Endels, clinical lycanthropes, and other nonhumans who have mental illness-based identities face a similar ableism. It wasn’t until earlier this year, 2021, when the connection between mental illness and nonhumanity was finally accepted by the greater community. But even still, Endelic communities are more often treated as a novelty; not something to be taken seriously as an identity, just something “interesting.” Mental illness, especially psychotic disorders, aren’t pretty or tame, and the greater nonhuman community appears to subtly enforce this stigma. Werewolves are monsters, and the greater community spares no feelings in reminding us of this, with such unwelcome words my friend babydog’s met as and I paraphrase a quote here from my friend baby dog “you’re welcome here, but you should expect people to uncomfortable about your identity as an endel or question your endelity. I dont personally believe people like you should be part of alterhuman communities.” End quote Many of those who are part of the greater alterhuman community are still concerned about respectability politics, how we appear to outsiders, rather than being concerned about how inner-community members are finding their welcome. Arguments like “But, clinical lycanthropy was previously used as ammunition against all Otherkin! We’re playing into anti-kin’s stereotypes!” isn’t an excuse anymore, because throwing your own community under the bus isn’t acceptable anymore. We want a higher standard in this community than being driven by shame that makes us hide members of our own community. It’s much better to stand with them.

Lets also take a moment to acknowledge these actions stemmed from an act of seeming more credible and not “crazy”. I’d like to say also that the stereotype of crazy doesn’t exist when we think of crazy we think of someone whose mentally Ill and struggling to function. In reality these people have an untreated mental illness or going through an episode that’s only one aspect of a person. They do other things with their life including myself. I write poems and go out with friends but if someone only judged me at my worst and lowest I would fit into this “crazy” stereotype. Its not fair for us to judge people based on actions they cant control. Based on trauma or brain chemistry people are more than that I think can agree.

we should be understanding with these people treating them as whole people not just one descriptor. crazy is really just a derogatory name for someone with a mental illness. So to avoid being crazy means to avoid any signs of neurodiversity people view as abnormal. Or signs of nonconformity with nuerotypicals

-endels still face ableism typically in the form of being treated like a novelty and not really being taken seriously. Endels are still getting called interesting a lot) and it makes them feel like a specimen within their own community. I’m sure those who suffer from mental illness understand how degrading it is to be looked at as some sort of test subject or lab rat. I think as a community we can do better and be more accepting and open to all forms of otherkinity. Shutting down this kinda of language would be great for endel otherkin.

-endels are still having to deal with other community members who use psychotic/delusional/etc as insults or jokey words. These words are derogatory and insulting they shouldn’t be said as insults or jokes there are plenty of other words that could be used and it pushes endels and otherkin with psychotic symptoms away from the larger community. Using this language shows an ignorance to the ableism still alive and active towards endels.

-none of this helps internalized ableism!! All the actions described above only reinforce internalized ablism. This creates a combative and toxic environment for endels and otherkin with psychotic symptoms. It would be in our best interest as a community to help bring down ableism and be more aware of what were saying and to who.

Some things to keep in mind

-treating psychotics like they cant make their own choices is not ok/ thinking for them

-insults and jokes using derogatory language is triggering and alienating

-treating psychotics as lab rats or something to gauk at as “interesting” is demoralizing and takes away someones individual power as a person. Its hard to have an identity and a voice if everyone is busy staring at you like a lab rat.

What about the internal side of the otherkin community? I found when I was apart of the therian community this was a more prominent problem and still is in some corners I wander into. Otherkinity also holds some ableist views but from what I’ve seen not to the same intensity as therian communities. This I would say is a cultural difference from a new age of therians that took over the internet, p-shifting cults, wolf packs, and some forums for therians were intense I know previously therians and otherkin identities didn’t have to much of a difference besides animalistic tendencies or a way to further define an identity. Once this shift happened it became more so about earthly creatures or animals based on earth. earth mythics, animals that exist present day and extinct, and plants as well. I’m not an expert of the history of otherkin and therians so I would direct you to house of chimeras and who is page for more information over it gladly. If im wrong please correct me. That’s my understanding. This shift to earthly animals also carried a sentiment or notion of being more “real” than otherkin that I often experienced in the wolf packs and forums. Since they’re identities were based on “real” animals it made them more valid otherkin. An easy question I asked often or others would ask was a simple “why?” and the response I experienced a lot was “so were more credible/ don’t seem crazy” this was 8-9 years ago which was at the time the height of otherkin hate. It came across as a borderline phobia to be seen as an antikin steriotypes which were ableist stereotypes to begin with. some of these communities in reaction created ridged and strict cultures of how to be therian. This would leave an imprint on many people including myself.

so that was 8-9 years ago why do I bring it up? Because I still see this sentiment present just subtle.

Some things I feel were carried over is: Overly present and specific about kin types, an obsession with details and intricacies to a degree where its no longer beneficial to learn, embarrassed or shamed for certain kin types, a focal point on kin type tendencies and ignoring or pushing aside human experiences to further pronounce a kin type. A fixation on the past and not taking into account of the present, always centering around the past. I would say these behaviors in the community were influenced from the wolf pack cultural shift.

These are a remanent set of reactions from a more intense time of grilling, questioning and if validity was questioned your title could be easily taken away in close knit communities. I think the otherkin community still has some skeletons in the closet so to speak of a more intense time that a lot of members endured and witnessed. We passed on this culture, myself included as we grew up cause its how we learned to present our otherkinity. We can unlearn though and I think it’s time to push for more freedom and new ways to take on otherkinity. a larger problem I see is a fixation with the past which once it gets to a certain point I don’t think can be constructive or healthy. Exploring your past is good, gaining context for your actions and your background is good, but living in the past is not healthy. Reshaping how you live in the present by escaping to the past isn’t really healthy. I find it worrying how common it is for otherkin to not tie their humanity and the present to their identity. It hurts to say, it can be uncomfortable but being human is apart of our experience. Now my therapists always say “never damn a coping skill” if looking to the past and living in the past finds you comfort and it keeps you stable that’s ultimately a good thing your staying stable and keeps you functioning. I urge though for people to start to take the time to explore humanity with our otherkin identities and living more in the present. How your identity effects you right now. How people interact with you and what you can do to tie your otherkinity to the physical world to the present. I think it’s a balancing act ultimately trying to find a sweet spot between the past and the present. Not completely ignoring your past and only staying in the present or only living in the past and neglecting the present. Its not easy and something im actively working on myself.

I want to highlight the present cultural imprint the wolf pack phase in present day otherkin communties and how new otherkin members seeing and reacting to it. we as older members may not realize how impactful our words are and may not notice us carrying an imprint of the past with us. Here some quotes I picked up. I asked a few friends their experiences who had come as otherkin in the past 6 months. I was also able to get 1 anecdote anon from my tumblr after sending out a request earlier today they are also pretty recent. Here what they had to say. These are all anonymous.

“(tumblr)My experience was pretty good! The community is super open and friendly, or at least the side of it I'm on (idk about the fictionkin side of it which might be more controversial/full of discourse).

It was easy to get into which is good because I was super scared about it 😅” “(friend) the whole community is

scary, for me at least, mostly because some of the older grey muzzles seem really intimidating and cliquey

the discord group im in seems like really cool to me, they are all super nice and helpful but the rest of the community is super scary for me”

“(friend) [when asked about getting into the community] it's weird to me, it really is.

I've spent a good chunk of time just like

wondering what it could possibly mean to be "valid" otherkin

like, who's judgement is that? mine?”

My Take on otherkinity

Im telling my story because my mental illness causes me to fall into an undesired or taboo identity categories or stereotypes of otherkin often. I find instability, identities that are less material or easily relatable, signs of mental illness with otherkinity. Are swept under the rug. I’d like to change that and show that instability, less relatable, highly specific or vague identities are just as valid. My experiences can be something of an uncomfortable truth for some that otherkin can be cringy or be easier to target from outsiders. I ask to everyone that has some reservations about accepting more diverse identities to consider how beneficial these new perspectives bring to our community. These identities give a perspective and voice we are missing and is needed. It’s beneficial for our community to be heard fully so we can support and help everyone. Endels may have a perspective other therians/otherkin may not have considered before. the wider range of experiences about our community that we share the better. It gives us the tools to make the community even stronger.

I would say overall psychological kin are extremely diverse and no experience is going to be the same. Its difficult at best to say anything that all psychological kin experience because the definition is so broad. We all have unique and diverse stories and I’d like to encourage everyone to share them even if they show mental illness. Things like Delusions, trauma responses, trauma sourced, episodes and regression. I would love to see more inclusivity for the messier and less understood part of psychological kin.

So lets get into some of my specific experiences. my identity is messy at the moment as my brain seems to have an interesting understanding of what a mightyena is. It has 2 images instead of one

These two images are houndoom and mightyena. Both of them I see myself as but are the same entity. My brain cant see the difference between the two as an identity at the moment. So theyre both “mightyena” its quirks like this that I think should be seen as more acceptable in the community because its messy at best. It has made me on several occasions go “that makes 0 sense” but from a trauma stand point it doesn’t surprise me

my brain has trouble picking only one. If my 5 year old or 3 year old brain attached itself to both images and called them the same then well that’s it im both of them at once. Brains don’t tend to work very logically and while it sounds confusing I would say it probably feels similar to having 2 kin types active at once. The two identities don’t blend (ie mightyena wolf hyena doesn’t breathe fire while houndoom does. ) I experience a range of both identities at once. They’re both mightyena it just so happens that image that’s associated with houndoom is present when something happens that only that pokemon could do or associated feelings or states. I would say theyre 2 different kin types except if I say I have a houndoom kin type I don’t think of anything and don’t feel anything. When I say I have a mightyena kin type I have images and feelings from both. They also cant seem to be separated both images and associations need the other. Its interesting. Its very funky. The wonderful world of trauma. Could probably make anew label for that but that’s alright im not one for labels.

I experience something I call m-shifting which is really animal regression. It’s called m shifting because I was previously in an p-shifting cult where it developed it. it’s uncontrollable but I can start it or trigger it if I want to. When I go into an m-shift I cant understand English, read English, walk on two legs well, speak, or know basic things most people would know. My brain goes into instincts and impulses. I don’t think critically or contemplate much. My thoughts are in images and feelings. Its fun. But its difficult to control, I find it’s a way for me to relieve stress in excess when I cant seem to find a good outlet for it. this is part of my identity is what makes me relate to the werewolf community so much since its involuntary and frowned upon generally to greater society .(aka internalized ableism) One of my biggest fears is shifting in public or with friends. It’s hard on me for sure.

Another thing that effects me is coping linking as someone who deals with trauma I have found lately I’m starting to create involuntary coping links. I had a brief coping link as a sled dog its purpose was the personality of a sled dog was something I needed to be at the moment to stay functional and coherent once I learned to do that without my coping link it went away. I notice myself having brief coping links on and off each of them usually teach me something or a skill I couldn’t fully understand yet.

I experience false memories. My memories change depending on my identity. I don’t force or make them change they simply do.

they hold the same narrative throughout all the changes though. The narrative from what I understand seems to be a re telling of my trauma. My false memories don’t seem to be a major part of my identity and I think I may have them simply because of p-shifting cult trauma and the pressure to have a past life or noemata. I think my false memories are a way to retell my trauma in a form that gives me validation as an animal. I do know seeing myself as human in memories is inherently triggering for me as I cant recognize myself so a set of false memories that lets me see myself in those situations as an animal is comforting and validating. It helps me evaluate my trauma better and understand why I feel the way I do about trauma. A dog that looses its molars would be distraught while a human doesn’t really care if they get wisdom teeth removed. Evaluating trauma through an animalstic lens has helped me immensely. I’ve noticed the more I evaluate and see my trauma through an animal lens the weaker my false memories become and I think that’s neat.

My perspective of the world also changes as my identity shifts

I see the world differently as a mightyena than I do as a threatening wolf. Objects, people, environments and habitats have different meanings to me and associations according to shifts and how my identity changes. These associations and meanings are ones that either I had when I was a child, or ones I repressed due to being childish or something I didn’t see as acceptable at the time. So my identity now has a wider range of perspective. My threatening wolf perspective toned down a lot and let the repressed associations and meanings take a more dominant role.

Another thing that effects my otherkinity is when it comes to species dysphoria I would say it’s a large factor in how I experience otherkinity. I would say my otherkintiy is something very based in the present. I don’t think about my kintypes past, I don’t think about its future or let my mind wander off a lot about whats going on with it. I am usually observing it in the present moment. A big part of that is my species dysphoria which tells me a lot about what I am. I’m trans female to male though that’s debatable as im considering a gender to my kintype. Human gender dysphoria is something that bothers me a decent amount. What has sent me to therapy though is species dysphoria. It is unbearable for me. I have fangs, a tail, a collar, wolfsbane pendant for mythology about werewolves, pointed nails, short hair thicker hair to resemble my kin type. I had to learn how to make animal vocalizations like growling, snarling, whimpering because I felt incredibly stressed being unable to emote properly. I learned to walk on all fours and run as well. I learned to play and move like an animal mostly from m shifting but it helps immensely. Getting on T has helped a lot as I got furrier, deeper voice, thicker hair, generally able to gain muscle better. Overall has helped my species dysphoria. Its something I’ve always had that brings me immense discomfort. I’m planning to make a prosthetic muzzle to wear and possibly some ears.

This dysphoria is apparent when you see me on the street cause im wearing a collar, tail everything I can’t hide my otherkinity because it triggers my species dysphoria to much to hide it so I just have to roll with it. the census? Its really not that bad being out or showing im otherkin. It’s a good conversation starter and most people are friendly about it here which has been nice. I do get asked if im a furry I usually say yes just cause I don’t feel like explaining otherkinity. If someone asks why I usually just say I see myself as an animal. Responses are mixed but people are polite about it. wearing gear makes me feel much more grounded in where I stand with my identity. I noticed a feel much more confident about myself when I am being myself unabashedly. Who knew. Also planning to get some combat boots and add some spikes to them to imitate claws. Should be fun.

Heading back to my weird quirks and otherkinity experience Phantom shifts are something I experience all the time 24/7. In part due to p-shifting cult and also a way to manage my species dysphoria. It’s pretty intense for me and its something I find comfort in and encourage. It’s a way for me to find the world more relatable. Often these shifts calm me down and make it easier for me to navigate the world. I would say my phantom shifts only effects parts of my body im aware of not my entire body all the time. Rather whatever body parts im using. It also does its best to not have any “clipping” through objects and my shift may phase out if there may be clipping to a body part im aware of.

Lastly My gender and sexuality I would say tie to my kintype as well. Im attracted to otherkin moreso than humans. I really like animalistic aspects to people and traits I see in my kintype in other people. I find I get along best with canine kintypes. My gender im realizing is more so tied heavily to my kintype I want to be a male mightyena whatever that entails and it plays closely with my species dysphoria. I find when I relieve my species dysphoria I tend to also relieve a bit of my gender dysphoria to. I say im ftm as a short hand because that’s what my kintypes gender seems to line up with the most. Though I think that will be less and less the case as I start wearing things like a prosthetic muzzle which is pretty animal gender to me.

Therapy and Otherkinity

On this topic I would like to talk about how therapy and otherkinity interact cause that’s something central to this panel. For me I always noticed that when I am given analogies in therapy they are always about an inner child, how I was as a human kid, how I am as an adult. These things are good but they lack the context of me as a whole. I am not just a human I am an animal in a human body which changes a lot in how I’ve had to take care of myself and apply advice given to me by professionals. For one I always have to tell professionals im otherkin and what that entails. That it isn’t a hobby or one aspect of me but something that impacts my entire perspective. Methods of self soothing just wont work for me if I don’t change some wording around. There is no inner child for me personally theres a puppy and a puppy seeks out an entirely different sets of behaviors, emotions, and emotes/ way of communication than an inner child would. You would be able to talk to an inner child hug them and act as a type of parent to them. With a puppy I tend to act more as an owner or an animal parent depending on whats needed.as an owner i have to bridge the communication gap with things like chew toys, petting, dark cozy places, brushing or grooming, non verbal communication

which plays a much larger part in my healing process than what I read or what methods im taught. As an owner to myself I have to learn to take care of my inner puppy the way I needed which can be difficult when no one you know has to follow that method. As an animal parent I also have to act as I am, an animal to my inner puppy that’s what we both understand the common language we speak is non human and is critical to my healing. I find protecting my inner puppy as an animal parent gives me a larger sense of catharsis it feels like something I can finally understand however the methods don’t translate well to the real world. I cant just snarl at people I have to talk to them in a disagreement. I cant go hunting I have to go shopping. Which is why having both an owner and an animal parent.

Both are important because both aspects cant be ignored and need to be used in tandem.

Healing for me when it comes to trauma involves a lot of balancing between my human life and my animalistic needs which is something I have had to do and explain to therapists the difficulties of doing so. I notice most therapists I have met cant seem to grasp this and see otherkinity as more of a metaphor than an identity. I noticed a lot of my therapists would just change metaphors to talk to me instead of reshaping a technique for healing which has caused a lot of problems. An example I can think off the top of my head is instead of “a family sticks together” may be “a wolf pack sticks together” which is helpful sometimes but if it’s the only change it becomes detrimental to me. Often because while not intentional I think a lot of therapies are human-centric. There is an assumption you are human in order to apply the coping techniques or healing strategies. This lead to me unintentionally repressing a larger chunk of my otherkinity just because I was applying these skills without changing anything. Sometimes present day I still fall into this and notice it triggers my species dysphoria to worsen. It can be difficult to spot for me as well because otherkinity is so uncommon no one else is having the same issue in my real life friend groups. So I assume whatever im doing must be ok cause it seems to work ok for everyone else. Which ends up not being the case.

A solution I’ve found to help with this is for one explaining as I go with a therapist what is and is not working. I have to be an advocate for myself and teach them as well what I like and what works and what doesn’t. I try my best to let them know when something they do is detrimental. I also try to explain what brings me comfort and what doesn’t. a nice talk isn’t going to help my puppy self but a hug would. Things like that. When it comes to internal imagery some therapists use I know stating to them youd like them to consider your kintype as yourself has helped me by them not seeing me as a fully human being or just my irl body. overall I hope this talk has helped some people. Given some new perspectives. And I am happy or reiterate some topics I went over. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#long post #it was 11 pages #im so sorry #otherkin #therian #fictionkin #psychologicalkin

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

Text

RE JIKOOK IS ESTRANGED

Them

Lol

JUMP CUT ALERT: This is a continuation of an ongoing discussion behind the scenes.

DISCLAIMERS:

Article 19, UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights: Every person has the right to freedom of opinion and expression which includes the freedom to hold an opinion without interference through any media.

Misinterpretation of my opinion, my words constitute a violation of my human rights. Please do not take my words out of context, share it on another platform in furtherance of your own agenda. If you do hold yourself accountable first. You are the author of your own intentions and interpretations.

I do not intend malice by my words nor do I seek to be disrespectful of any member mentioned in here. I simply enjoy mentally stimulating conversations and thought provoking discussions.

Let the records show.

MATTER OF THE DAY

Thanks to everyone that's shared your thoughts on this matter with me and thanks to that person that brought this matter to my attention.

I haven't looked into it and I don't know how severe this issue is.

I think people have the right to believe in anything they want to believe in. Personally, I don't think Santa is real but clearly others do, doesn't mean I'm sane or that they are crazy.

I don't think discussions of this nature should be about who is right or who is wrong. Everyone's opinion is valid and holds true to their own delusions. Lol.

Frankly, I prefer this kind of ship wars to the slurs and abuses and they are distributing hard core porn now?? What is going on! Chileee.

I have never believed JK and Tae to be anything more than friends. At one point, I wondered if they were even friends at all lol but since they admitted to having had a falling out themselves at one point the topic is now moot.

Tae and JK have- had- have a really special bond. To me anyways. I always saw them as the evil power twins of BTS due their ability to come together to wreck havoc especially on Bang PD's scripts. Lol. I think I have mentioned this a few times now.

I smiled to myself when I heard them call themselves partners in crime. The bond is there no two ways about it- you either appreciate it for what it is or you don't. personally I love their bond. Can't stand their shippers but I love their bond. They keep the drama going for me- love it. Lol

The question has always been whether their bond is as profound as their shippers make it seem. I argue it's not and I will always argue it is not. Lol

I think it's only fair that they also question whether Jikook's bond is as profound as we make it sound. I really can't be mad at that. All is fair in love and war- at the very least we can agree to disagree.

I mean even Jikookers themselves question the extent of JK and JM's bond. Some think they are just very special friends and nothing more. I think I talked about this in my is Jikook real post when I mentioned labels and the degree of love between JK and JM?

We know JK and JM have a unique bond. The question then is how far does that bond go. Is it just platonic, romantic or something in between?

This is the question I was aiming to answer with my is Jikook real post. My objective was to try and dismantle all the nuances that keep us from seeing the 'truth' about Jikook- that they are real. At least the way I see them.

I talked about unrealistic expectations we have of Jikook, false conditionings that often leads us to see Jikook as something more than they are- the amplified Jikook. We get used to highlight reels of Jikook's interactions in edits such that we feel there is something wrong with them when we see them in real time.

I mentioned that Jimin's nurturing nature often also estops people from reading more into his relationship with JK. He is nurturing of everyone, JK ain't special- they argue, just as this person is doing.

I talked about Jimin's Idol persona, the facade of the boy in love with JK- Jimin's role within BTS since debut and how that can equally blind us into thinking Jikook is something more or less than they really are. I have a post dedicated to this topic sitting in my drafts so I will not go into the details of it here. Please look forward to that.

But this person's post touches on another aspect of Jimin's personality that I feel is one of the things that often keeps us from seeing his relationship with JK for what it really is- his inclination for professionalism.

I keep saying this, several times now, that Jimin's Idol persona to me seems well developed, elaborate and very elusive.

I have mentioned a few times how I think during Jikook break ups that they keep it civil and professional for the sake of the team and that you might not even notice the difference especially if you place high value on their skinship.

The skinship would be there, the cordiality and civility would equally be there- except for moments when they are fighting, that gets bloody. Lol. They are best friends at the very least. It is why it's important to reevaluate the metrics we use to determine whether or not they are a couple.

I wish I could dialogue with this person to understand her assessment of Jikook and what she is using to determine whether or not Jikook are a couple and what makes her think Tae and JK are. Know what I mean?

What makes her think Jikook were a couple before 2017? What makes y'all think Jikook are a couple at all? I would like to hear from y'all- but come at me with the skinship bit and I'll block you deadass. Lol

So on this person's post, I think I agree with her assessment of JM's persona but I don't agree with the Jikook have been broken up since 2017. And I think I understand where this is coming from... I think some of us do. Yes they had a few fights that year especially leading up to Jimin's birthday- August was it? but we all know JK more than made up for it with the damn GCFs. Lol. kindly visit the timeline, peruse as many content as you can and form your own opinion on it. This is just mine.

Are Jikook Jikooking all the time? Absolutely not. They are human too. They fight, they make up, they break up they get back together, they have introverted, extroverted moments, they go up, they go down- have bad hair days, it's all part of their dynamics I'm afraid. From my point of view of course.

I feel some people notice these things too and when they sense Jikook aren't in a good place they bow out and Jump ship- I don't blame them. They are shippers not supporters. What Jikook need are supporters not shippers- or maybe both, do you.

Could this person be one such people? DNF shippers? Given up on Jikook before the end of their story? I don't know. May be.

Jikook is not a fantasy that you ship. It's a relationship that you support. You can't escape into them. They are an ongoing love story- chapters close, chapters open, you just have to ride it out till the very end.

I think the challenge of their post for me is whether or not Jikook is a performance. Her post leans into the whole Jikook is fanservice bull especially in light of the recent photoshoot video which some are using as evidence Jikook don't 'click' when the cameras are off- the lies they tell on Beyonce's internet!

I think I have speculated on this and shared my thoughts on this whole Jikook is fanservice bit. I will delve deeper into it in my next post on Jimin's idol persona but as I've already said, Jikook is fanservice is equally a misnomer.

Yes Jikook does fanservice sometimes, but they are not fanservice. Fanservice is the cover for their relationship. It's their glass ceiling- nothing to see here folks just two snakes under glass. Keep it pushing. (Sorry. Couldn't help myself. Lol)

But you do raise a valid question, what is Jikook like when the cameras are not filming?

Is the mood of Jikook in that footage the general mood of Jikook behind cameras as Tuktukkers are claiming? They barely interact, JM doesn't pay much attention to Kook, yadda yadda yadda?

And the part that gives me a complex, that JK only interacts with JM when they are the center of attention. Huh???????????

Sigh.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place on this one.

The theory you pointed out in support of this assertion isn't mine and I think I made it clear I didn't share the same thoughts on it. I said it was valid nevertheless. Chilee, this is hard. Lol

Yes JK is an introvert, Jimin is an extrovert, JM doesn't live for JK, all that is true and some Jikookers have said that too- so when you ask, if this is who they are when the cameras are off does that mean what they do when the cameras turn on is fanservice-

I-👁👄👁

I don't know the thought process that went into that theory so I can't confidently defend it. I'll ask? Lol.

Personally, I'd like to know whether or not they see the tension in that footage as tension in the first place. Chileee I don't know.

I see it as tension. Not a very serious one though. So we'd have to agree to disagree on that one.

But the part I can argue, the part I agree with is Jikook aren't hyper super duper lovey dovey on each other all the time. They aren't cuddly all the time. They have their moments of quiet- Jimin seems like the more affectionate kind who'd rub all over JK in the comfort of their homes but still...

If you ask me though, I think Jikook are tamer on cameras than they are behind scenes. I always talk about the fear and panic in the members' eyes when they see Jikook gravitating towards each other- it's probably because they know the extent of Jikook's shenanigans. They know how worse it can be because they've seen it all.

And when JK panics sometimes when JM gets closer too you just know dude is scared perhaps because of his Mochi chick's devil may care shamelessly in love policies- Jimin wild. Bless him.

I did say also that Memories 2019 is equally eye opening. These were censored bits. BigHit was holding all of that and giving us crumbs- stingy mfs. Bless.

All that said, again I don't think Jikook are hyper lovey on eachother behind the scenes. Another part I diverge from that view is that this is not exactly off camera. It was just behind the scenes of a photoshoot. Something we've seen a countless times.

This is not BTS's first ever behind scenes photoshoot. It's just a different angle that's all.

They were working. They were at work. This wasn't an alone private space for them so they can't base on this to say Jikook don't interact when the cameras are off.

The cameras were rolling. We saw them interact, JM was interacting with everyone the way he always does on camera all the time except he wasn't interacting with JK the way he does all the time, grainy footage or not- I mean let's call a spade a spade and not a big fat spoon. Lol

As to why he was doing that- let's just say there are many schools of thoughts.

My thought as I've said is JM was freezing JK out. I think with anyone that's recognized and is familiar with Jikook fights, that mood is all too familiar as I mentioned earlier.

If JM was being courteous and not mad at his man then he would have kept it 'professional' and done the 'fanservice' bit with Jk as per usual just as this person is saying since the cameras were still rolling.

Jikook is not fanservice. They are real.

I have refrained from providing a detailed analysis of that '5 minutes' footage for reasons I will explain later when I do share my thoughts on that footage- eventually. Some day.

But my hypothesis remains the same that I think Jikook were fighting or had a minor issue. As to why they were fighting, chileee I don't know. The confirmation bias in me feel it had something to do with JM's birthday but honestly it could have been over anything at all- dumplings, microphones- we all saw that slap on stage, a certain Iphone notification perhaps, did JinMin make a secret VLive without Kook again? Lol

There are plethora of reasons, I can only speculate on a few. And I think we've all seen Jimin when he is not 'Jimining' with the others, JK included. Take his mood with Tae at GDA for example- since this is not a VMin post I won't go into it.

But it seems they squashed whatever beef they were having on stage when JM extended his hands to Tae and they shaked it out.

We've seen him and Suga bicker too- which again, I am not gonna to get into out of respect for their shippers but I can point you to the On comeback VLive early this year when Suga touched JM and JM mouthed Hajima to him- which I think had something to do with what was going on with him and JK at the time but that is besides the point. Every shipper for themselves.

I contrast his 'fights' with Suga and V to show you the difference between Jimin being professional and courteous and Jimin being rah rah. He was sat next to suga, talking and laughing with him but snapped the moment Suga held his back.

He did the same in the Dynamite MV Vlive, smiling and laughing with Suga but the moment JK teased him with the Yoonmin comment his countenance fell.

Jimin is not that good of an actor if you ask me. I have said he is very Kumbaya in nature, often makes compromises for the sake of the team but that don't mean he is a pushover or one to trifle with- he scares me when he is mad. Lmho.

The scene in that footage didn't look to me as that he was being nice and courteous to JK- is that y'all's definition of professional courtesy? Damn.

If they were having a lover's squabble then the 'icy' mood of Jikook we saw in that footage is not the general mood of Jikook when the camera's are turned off.

I have to state again that I don't know much of what goes on behind the cameras and most of the things we see sometimes are equally missing context.

That been said we have seen enough of Jikook 'behind cameras' and they are more intimate than we can imagine. A certain cozy selfie at the back of an abandoned truck comes to mind. Whatever they were doing at the back of the track wasn't intended for the cameras judging from JK's reaction.

We've had glimpses of Jikook when they are not the center of attention enough to have a fair idea of what they are when cameras are off and I don't think it is that mood we saw in that footage.

We saw them at Jingle ball bell, towards the end of 2019. We saw them in their own space doing what they do best- making us feel single as fuck. Bless them.

We've seen them at awards, we've seen JK eating Jimin's ear nom nom to calm him down- like I would have just bought him icecream to calm down his nerves or rubbed his back but whatever JK. He is your man; you know him best. Good for him. Good for both of you. Now come back and feed us.

And the bit about JK only laughing with JM when he noticed he was on the Bangtan Bomb cameras in that footage- now that's nasty below the belts phony ass ass! I felt that one straight in my chest, shit. Lol

Dude was in a doghouse it seemed and I noticed them stealing glances at each other and.... sigh.

I just think JK was looking for an opening to warm his way back into JM's good graces- it's really nothing we haven't seen before.... sigh.

This is 2020 that narrative of JK hates Jimin, JK doesn't like JM needs to stop. It's dead. Pack it up. Chileee, y'all tried it with this one.

Jk is nice to JM only when the cameras are on him? Nice try.

JK is so fake and fraudulent he glared RM down till he stepped away from Jimin- again, in the very same photoshoot footage y'all swear to God is proof Jikook is not real.

Find it. RM stood next to JM. Looks up see's something- or someone. Does his tell- the hand to head thingy he does when JK glares at him over Jimin. He backs away inches from JM.

Cut to JK. Dudes a mood. Jin bumps into him, stares at him but JK wouldn't even look at him and then deadass looks away grumpyly- talk of professionalism. You doing great swidy keep going!

You can hide a relationship, fake it on God but you can never hide the intimacy. Taekook just lack that intimacy, I'm sorry. Even in that 'estranged' moment Jikook's intimacy was still there-

Even in whatever mood JK was in- which again, I believe was just due to their lover's squabble- JK still was claiming his man and exercising his right of authority over him. That's how you know they are not broken up. In my opinion. Chileee. I'm gonna get in trouble. Deep sigh.

Y'all think JK was hovering over Jimin because he was preparing to strike him down like a censored censored censored? Yea, he was preparing to strike alright- All the corners of Jimin's heart. Y'all better stop before I find you. Lol

I said I wasn't going to analyze the footage in this post but damn. This man out here serving us all kinds of brooding assorted jeonlous as his man takes a time out or two to wiggle wiggle wiggle on him Malfroy style and y'all are out here peddling nonsense. Strike one.

He was a mood alright. Did y'all see Tae rubbing his chest, arms and legs, ears did y'all see any body else in there doing that for him? Y'all's falcon cannot hear his falconer give it up and sorry, Jikook can't relate.

As I've posited, JM I feel was mad as hell for whatever reason and wasn't in the space to be that person JK needed him to be- in that moment. Doesn't mean they are like that behind scenes all the time.

And before I get attacked again for causing drama, being toxic etc by Jikookers understand that I am just a delusional person shipping these two in a way that makes sense to me. Write me off as delulu, and go please.

Whatever ambiguity surrounds that moment, to me, Jin and RM's reaction to JK clarifies things a bit. Jikook were boiling hot. JK was still keeping an eye on his man. Lol. Bless them. That's my conclusion. I'm running miles with that. Catch me. Lol

Feel free to come up with your own theory in a way that makes sense to you.

I'm not sure how long that fight lasted but from the rain day incident I'm hoping it wasn't that long. Jikook are fine I believe- I hope. Judging from the way JM drew JK out in his VLive with the whole I miss JK comment? Did that not sound familiar to y'all? And that Mickey mouse thingy- JM ain't slick. Bless him.

JM is the perched akekeke whisperer whispering all kinds of things in JK's ear, feeding JK news of what goes on on social media and what not. Dude don told his man they won a BB on his birthday, told his man Jin wasn't happy he chose his bag over his- definitely told his man Army was missing him- what? I'm going with that too sue me. Lol

Did you or did you not see Jk coming out to do a live log afterwards? And JK seemed less grumpy, in very high spirits? Wedding bells- I'm manifesting it for JK. Manifest with me.

Remember when JM did a log and talked nonsense about JK, and JK did a rebuttal log to respond to JM and address some of the things JM had said about him? Remember that? It's a jikook thing and it's back😌

I have said JM uses social media to connect with Army while JK uses it as an outlet to express himself. Through out his Live he kept talking about how he wasn't prepared to do a live and it shows in the way he kept saying it was awkward, he just kept it business and didn't know what else to share... I wonder who put his paws on him, dragged his ass to turn on the camera because Armys had asked of him- a certain quick tempered chick who dragged his man out on social media to do the whole Chuseok greetings 2020 on Twitter perhaps?

And JK is so whipped he'd do just about all the hoops to appease his man- Jikook AU written by Goldy. High five. No but seriously...

Behind the scenes, JK sneaks into JM's bed at night- Taekook does it too? Please! The look on JM's face when RM spilled that tea is enough said.

There's only two people in BTS that panic and don't want us to know they lay one on God in bed and it's not Tae Kook.

JK: Jimin hyung and I will sleep here

JM: how about we let the others choose first

Everyone shares a room:

Footage:🦄🍲🐯🧀🐺🍟🐓🥛🐑🛏

JIKOOK share a room:

Footage: 🚪👀

Behind the cameras Jikook sneak into each others bed- camera caught them live. You saw JM's face, I can't make this shit up. Lol

Behind the scenes, Jikook do laundry at 1am. *insert JM pervy face meme.

Chileee, y'all making me trip with this one. Deep breaths.

Jikook have their moments. This was one of them. Can they be human? Please. Thank you.

At this point, these folks are not even shippers. They is shoppers shopping a man for their bias. Lol. Just admit y'all want Jeon thick thighs strong butt for your bias and go. Just admit you want some tall glass of Tiger charming face husky voice strong chest for your bunny and go. Lmho

Chilee, when we say Tae and Kook had a falling out we don't mean they freeze eachother out behind cameras. Hell, we don't even mean they fake their bond or interactions. C'mon! Tae and JK admitted they are not lovers and y'all is bitter. That's why y'all is making up this nonsense about Jikook. Speak the truth and shame the devil. Peter would be proud.

When we say Tae Kook is not real, We just mean JM spends JK's birthday with him while every one including Tae is out there cruising for Jesus with friends. We just mean Jikook claim eachother even when they beefing. That ship beefed and didn't even know they was beefing and they are real? Damn.

We just mean Jikook make efforts for each other even when they are having bad days- Had it not been for Jimin they'd still be gnashing on these cold streets. Place some respect on his name, y'all's ungrateful. Lol

Tae and JK don't want each other they both want Jimin- there. I said it.

Thanks for attending my Tedtalk. 👁👄👁

Now where was I? Never mind. I'm just gonna go burn some sage. There's too much negativity going on around. Hakuna matata!

There is nothing wrong with Taekook as a ship. Personally, I'm a multishipper I ship all the ships but I support Kookmin. I don't mind their shippers calling them whatever, but my eyes twitch when people who claim they support Jikook act wishy washy with Jikook. Lol. Like are you going to withdraw your support of Kookmin if JK sits on Tae's lap?👀 Yall make me nervous. How can you think Jikook is real but then look at Taekook and go huh??? What are y'all seeing that I can't see?

Like those are two completely different dynamics. It's the skinship isn't it? Talk to me. Jikookers who see something nonplatonic in Taekook honestly give me trust issues. Y'all have me out here looking over my shoulders.

I am delusional but I'm confident in my delusions because to me it is about the love and support for JM and JK as LGBTQ plus couples. Please stop shipping Jikook, stop shopping JK and JM for eachother and start supporting them because they are real.

IN MY OPINION.

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook #jikook analysis #kookmin #kookmin analysis #jikooktheories #kookmintheories #goldy blogs #goldy theories #goldy analysis #nightswithkookmin #jikook fights

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