#and I've got tons wrong with me but I'm not an awful person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

In Q3 of 2020, 31% of US users access the Tumblr app daily.

#and I've got tons wrong with me but I'm not an awful person

avelera · 1 year

Text

Hob Gadling - the absolute maddest of immortal lads

One of the things I love most about Hob Gadling as a character (and as a result, do my best to capture in fic) is how unique his reactions are to immortality and to Dream, and how he so often does the opposite of what one would expect from the genre of "humans granted immortality" but also what the average person and most of the audience expects that they would do with immortality, lending well to the concept that Hob is, genuinely, unhinged and a truly supernatural creature in his own right, which is often lost when the character we see him most often juxtaposed against is Dream, who is even more odd and unhinged if in very different ways

(I've decided to be systematic about this and go through meeting by meeting so strap in, folks it got long, as usual!)

1389 - First of all, Hob simply bragging at all that he doesn't plan to die. OG hipster right there, loving life before it was cool. But also, ok, loving life after being born less than a decade after the Black Plague ended. And in the midst of a great many Black Plague aftershocks! The latter half of the 1300s was a truly abysmal time to be alive, with huge social upheaval, war, plagues, "two bloody Popes fightin'" and in the midst of all this is Hob motherfuckin' Gadling, cheerfully announcing that death is for suckers and he doesn't intend to ever do it.

The man is a soldier! You'd think he'd be more accepting and philosophical about his inevitable death given the time he lives in, the profession he has chosen, the fact that most young men his age were wiped out at age 9 by the second wave of the Black Death, and just, in general, doing all of this while having the misfortune to live in England at the time.

And then when Dream comes up to him, like a complete weirdo, and challenges him on this, Hob is actually pretty nice to him! He gives him a side eye but he also goes along with the question, tells him to ignore his friend's jibes, and cheerfully accepts the wager! I cannot express to you how many turns in the road there are between what a normal person would do and what Hob Gadling does in that moment.

1489 - This one bugs me because the most unexpected thing Hob does is seemingly regress in maturity despite now being 100+ years old.

Now, I'm a huge fan of the theory that he's conning Dream right now and putting on the innocent chucklehead routine to put Dream off from kidnapping him to Faerie Land in exchange for his immortality. HOWEVER, since that's just a headcanon, let's take Hob as he is on the page!

Hob has a job. A Freaking Job. He used to be a bandit and a soldier, things that kind of make sense to do as an immortal (like The Old Guard) when you can't die! You could theoretically make BANK there just by taking dangerous jobs. But Hob doesn't?? He gets a normal-ass job, though in that day's equivalent of getting a job at Microsoft or Apple before they became big, Caxton is like one of the first modern startups in essence, a new technology that made TONS of money once it was imported, and Hob was on the ground floor. Still. HE GOT A JOB as an IMMORTAL. He doesn't seem to have this immortality thing figured out yet? And he doesn't ask Dream hardly any questions about it either! You'd think he'd be frothing at the mouth to better understand wtf happened to him, but once Dream clarifies that he's not the Devil and Hob's soul isn't in danger, that's it! No further questions, your honor! WHAT??

Also, just when you WOULD expect him to beg for death (that IS the genre savvy thing to do, Dream's not wrong!) he DOESN'T. He's more in awe than ever, he seems to be experiencing a second childhood over the fact. He's just vibing and living life. That's so, so unusual in this genre.

Hob also hasn't done any of the savvy things an immortal might do after 100 years! He doesn't actually seem all that angsty about why is he immortal, beyond a bit of fear he might need to pay the piper (Dream) now for this gift. Most vampires in an Anne Rice novel would have gone through about 20 stages of grief after they dealt with the first 100 years of everyone they know and love dying but Hob seems to not only be unbothered but actively gearing up for the next century. It's so bizarre. IT'S SO BIZARRE and I love it because I LOVE characters who DON'T do what you'd expect!

1589 - Hob has a family. HOB HAS A FAMILY. Who in their right MIND would start a family, knowing you'd have to bury your spouse and your children? HOB MOTHERFUCKING GADLING that's who! It's incomprehensible! He does it anyway! It's why I headcanon that he planned to support and nurture his family throughout time, like it was all very deliberate to found a dynasty, but it need not be! Knowing him, he just saw a pretty girl and married her! He didn't even CONSIDER his own wife and children getting angry and jealous with him for having immortality he can't share with them? He didn't even CONSIDER the heartbreak?? WHAT?! Who knows! He just did!

Now, this Hob HAS begun to do SOME of the things one would expect of an immortal - like build up generational wealth, BUT he has a KNIGHTHOOD. What immortal in their right MIND would draw that sort of attention to themselves?? HOB, THAT'S WHO. What are you ON, man, that's INSANE! No wonder he got drowned as a witch the man had ZERO CAUTION AT ALL.

1689 - the man is destitute. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN IF YOU'RE AN IMMORTAL? This is AS puzzling as anything else. Theoretically, Hob could just take a dangerous job with a high fatality rate for quick cash and rebuild his fortune pretty quickly, but he DOESN'T. What went wrong? The possibilities are tantalizing and painfully human that maybe he did do that and failed anyway, or hit even WORSE strings of truly abysmal bad luck.

But somehow, at 300 YEARS OLD it's not until 1789 that we hear Hob has begun socking money away for a rainy day! How does it TAKE YOU that long, sir?? How is that NOT something you figure out in your first century? I've seen a lot of fan writers ascribe a certain amount of immortal savvy to Hob but it's REALLY not there on the page! The guy is NOT genre savvy about immortality AT ALL he doesn't do ANY of the things one would expect, it's absolutely WILD that he falls this low after 300 years after completely failing to, theoretically, CONSIDER this possibility! And then, AND THEN, the guy STILL wants to live. I mean, this one hardly needs saying, that's nuts after what he went through, it's on the page that he's NUTS for this. But the guy is literally in the gutter dreaming of the stars, he is unstoppable I love him so fucking much what a force of nature.

1789 - OK, we've already mentioned that it took until 1789 for Hob to start saving money for a rainy day but let's talk about the fact HE'S NOT ACTUALLY CAREFUL ABOUT BEING CAPTURED?? Again, least genre savvy immortal EVER. You can't die so you'd THINK that being captured or imprisoned or god forbid, thrown down a mine shaft would be the SCARIEST possible fates when you don't have death as an escape, but the guy doesn't even blink at the thought of getting captured by an occultist like Johanna Constantine, dude's totally unbothered! DREAM has to tell him after 400 YEARS that maybe he should be worried about this? THE GUY GOT DROWNED AS A WITCH, picked himself up, dusted himself off, got into some crimes against humanity, and MOVED ON apparently without learning a single goddamn lesson he hasn't had since 1389 which is how to kick ass and look good doing it BUT HE'S NOT EVEN A PROFESSIONAL FIGHTER AS A CAREER, he's just a gentleman of means!

He just... lives a normal human life and seems to expect weird things like being kidnapped by occultists to not happen so long as he stays within those boundaries and you know what? IT SEEMS TO HAVE WORKED! Because to be fair, how many of us outside the bounds of fiction would ever expect the wild stuff like kidnapping to really happen? It's statistically quite vanishingly rare! And that's been all Hob has needed, presumably, to not need to stress since the damn witch trials about his immortality! So yeah, I read fic where Hob is like this very savvy immortal but by 400 YEARS he's BARELY learned to have a savings account under a different name and he STILL doesn't seem too bothered by the possibility of getting hurt or captured! Like, AT ALL?! Absolutely class act right here, top lad, unbelievable, no notes. HOW do you SURVIVE like this as an anomaly, Hob?

1889 - By now, it SEEMS like Hob has bought a clue. He's pretty understated, he's made some amends, SEEMS to have resolved to be less of a shithead, and he's got this immortality thing figured out. It only took him 500 FUCKING YEARS. But again, Hob ISN'T fabulously wealthy as far as we can tell. He's not a megalomaniac and he STILL seems to be vibin' as just a dude doing Just A Dude things like HAVING A JOB and if we borrow from Hob's Leviathan a bit, he's STILL just jumping between industries, just living life down at the normal human level. He hasn't detached from humanity, he lives in the day to day on a level that's just INCONCEIVABLE for a being that's 500 years old.

1989 - Ok, moving on a bit from Hob being an immortal, because getting excited about technology like his brick phone is absolutely so charming I want to squish his cheeks, but he's hardly the only immortal to get excited about that. What I want to talk about is how HOB FORGIVES DREAM for 1889. Because, look, Dream is a prick there. Hob could have been more diplomatic but Dream could have waited for the apology and he didn't.

I have seen SO MANY TAKES where Hob would be MAD after 1889 and RIGHTFULLY SO. But he's NOT. He's not! There are so many fics where he has lingering hurt over it but that's just NOT what the character does! He blames himself! Guy did pretty much nothing wrong except maybe choose his words poorly, but he's blaming HIMSELF for making Dream uncomfortable. Absolute legend. Saints have nothing on this man, that is saint-like behavior. I'd be furious. Hob just misses his friend and BLAMES HIMSELF that Dream isn't there. Not an a single, microscopic trace of anger in sight.

2022 - And then, AND THEN, when he has EVERY REASON to flip out when Dream shows up, finally, after 133 YEARS, after Hob has APPARENTLY stuck around the area just in case, WAITING for him, what does this fucking legend say? "You're late."

THAT'S IT! He's not mad, he totally has a right to be! He doesn't jump out of his chair in shock, that would be a totally expected reaction to! He glances up! He acts like Dream is 5 minutes late instead of over a century WHAT IS THAT?? WHAT IS THAT?! HOW?!! They just settle back with a pint after that like it's nothing. That's not what I would do. I don't think that's what almost any human would do after a shock like that. I still can't wrap my head around it.

So anyway, Hob Gadling, absolutely FASCINATING character from the perspective of just not doing a single fucking thing you'd expect an immortal Just A Dude to do. Goddamn legend right there. Worth remembering for those like me who are obsessed enough to write this guy in fic. He is just so... opposite of everything you'd expect and that is so fucking sexy of him wow

#hob gadling #the sandman #sandman meta #dreamling

1K notes · View notes

pleasedonteatmedemon · 1 year

Text

Hotaru Hagenezuka x DemonSlayer!Fem! Reader (NSFW) (Takes place during village arc, no spoilers)

I can't help myself, this man is so damn scriddily scrumptious, LOOK AT HIM !!!

(Contains; Hotaru cheats on his wife with you/Manipulation/virgin reader/age gap)

(Story is under the photo ofc.)

"You don't think he'll be to mad? Do you Tanjiro?" You say, your face filled with worry as sweat drips from your face. You hold your broken-in-half sword, looking at it and then at Tanjiro who only cringed. He scratches the back of his head, "Uh well..." He starts, taking a breath and then looking at you. "Yeah no, I'm pretty sure he's going to try to kill you..." He says, slight worry in his face. "W-What?!" You say, blinking. "Well...You can probably get him some mitarashi dango, it usually calms him down. " Tanjiro says. "I'm sure you'll be fine." He adds on, a reassuring smile on his face. You slightly whimper, "If you say so." You say, scratching your head. Tanjiro smiles once more, "Well here, I can take you to a market and then walk you to his home since you don't know where it is." Tanjiro says, you both stand up; as you were both sitting on the grass.

Tanjiro had been in the sword smith village for a few days, he already had his sword fixed but he told you some demons were lurking about and he had to stay to capture and dispose of them. Your sword had broke on a mission, and you got here just today.

You and Tanjiro walk along a path, you look at all the buildings and such in awe, "This place is sooo big!" You exclaim, a smile on your face. Tanjiro smiles, "Yes," He says. The sun was setting and it was starting to get slightly cold out. You and Tanjiro finally make it to some small food stand, originally you were going to a market but this was closer to Haganezuka's home. Tanjiro walks up to the stand, a masked individual inside, Tanjiro smiles and says, "2 mitarashi dangos please!" He says, holding up the number two with his hands. "Coming right up!" The person inside says. While waiting for the food, you decided to bring up Hataru again. "I've actually never met Hataru before...he was busy so someone else had delivered his sword to me." You say. "Oh, I see, well I hope your first meeting doesn't get too off on the wrong foot..." Tanjiro says. You sigh. The person finishes cooking the Mitarashi's and you take them both. You and Tanjiro thank the person, then making your way to the Haganezuka household. You reach the door to which Tanjiro the knocks on it. Someone with a mask anwsers the door, you could see long hair but not the face. Tanjiro bows, "Hello miss, we're looking for Hotaru Haganezuka, is he home?" Tanjiro says with a small smile. "Oh! No he isn't, I believe he's at the hot spring. Oh and also, I'm Nanako Haganezuko, I'm his wife." The woman states, then bowing slightly. Tanjiro side eyes you and raises an eyebrow, to which you only shrug. He sighs then smiling at you. He looks at the woman,"Thank you ma'am. " He says. Nanako shuts the door. You turn to Tanjiro, "I have some things I need to do, its late so please be quick, if I were you I'd go ahead and give him the Mitarashi and tell him about your sword tomorrow." Tanjiro says, then turning around and leaving, after a few steps he turns back and waves, you then do the same.

You sigh then starting your way towards the hot spring. It had reached night already. You lightly groan. You finally reach the large building, you feel the heat from the building even though you're outside. You remember Tanjiro had told you these springs were known to heal people. You waling inside the building, it was made out of wood and long big sticks for fencing. After a bit of walking, you make it to the springs, there was steam everywhere and tons of water and rocks, there were lanterns that lit up the place, you could also see the night sky. "Wow..." You mutter, looking up. You then look around the room, holding the two mitarashi's in hand. "M-Mr Haganezuka! Are you here..?" You yell out. You then see someone come out from the water, still inside the pool though. Their back was turned to you, the person had long wet black hair, you could tell even just from looking at the person's back, they were very 'ripped'. You then saw a mas and clothes right outside of the 'pool' area he was at. "U-Uhm sir..?" You call out. The man turns his head, his dark brown eyes piercing straight at you, he furrows his bushy eyebrows. His eyes then turn to the mitarashi dangos in your hands and he gives you a toothy smile, turning around fully. "Who are you and what do you what?" He asks, sternly but still smiling. You take a deep breath, "Uhm...My name is Y/n L/n, You had made me a sword uh...well...its kinda funny actually-" You try talking, then sweating as you scratch your head and look away, nervously laughing while speaking just to get cut off. Hataro's smile fades and he furrows his eyebrows slightly, he starts walking towards you but still in the water. "Whats actually kinda funny?" Hataro says, cutting you off. Hataro then steps out of the water, your face turning a dark shade of red as he walks right over to you, snatching both of the mitarashi's from your hands. "U-Uh..." You say blinking, looking up at him in awe.

He wasn't bad looking, and you found him quite attractive with his long hair and very muscled body, but he was a middle-aged married man so you just shook the thoughts away. He looks into you eyes, his tall figure looming over you. His eyes were like mini swords poking your eyes, you couldn't help but look away from his gaze. He grunts, "You know making swords costs money right? You were right to buy me these but it just won't do-" "I-I can pay you, really its n-no problem-" You had cut him off to which he holds his snacks in one hand, using the other to grab your jaw, You whimper. "I don't need money." he growls. He bites off one of the rice dumplings from the stick, chewing it. You raise an eyebrow in confusion, then putting your hands around his wrist, trying to make him release his grip on you. "H-Hey! Let go of me!" You yell out, although it was slightly muffled. "You're very pretty you know that? Hm?" He says, talking even though he had food in his mouth. You'd think he would swallow it by now. You whimper, you feel your blood run cold, you thought he'd get super pissed but not like this. He lowers himself down, a more calm look on his face, "Say...mm... If I let you leave now, I'll make you another sword but...if you break it, I'll never make you a sword again, but if you stay here and let me do my way with you, I won't care if you break 100 of my swords!" He exclaims, chewed food being spat onto your face as he speaked, it wasn't intentional, but you found it gross. You gulp. You were new to being a demon slayer so you didn't know you could just have a different swordsmith if he doesn't want anything to do with you. "A-Aren't you married..?" You ask, your eyes were wide and you were frightened. He rolls his eyes, "Indeed I am, but..." He says then groaning, "She's old and we're not really close anymore..." He says. He was still chewing his food, you thought it was so weird.

You whimper, slowly looking down, accidentally your eyes find their way to hotaru's cock; which looked rock hard. You didn't look for too long but long enough to now exactly what he looks like. He was quite hairy not unkept or in a gross way though. You bite your lip, you can't deny you're slightly turned on by the man. He holds a cold expression in his face. "So..what'll it be?" He says, raising an eyebrow. You sigh, your face was a very dark shade of red. You close your eyes. "F-Fine..." You answer. You feel his grip on your jaw go away, you open your eyes, the man lowers himself to your level, then cupping your face, he moves his face closer to yours, you gulp. His lips reach yours, unexpectingly you feel him push the food from in his mouth into yours. Your eyes widen. "Mphhh!" You moan out. Your lips part, before you can spit it out he puts a finger over your mouth. "Swallow it." He says, that same cold look was in his eyes. If it were possible you'd blush even more, you quickly swallow the pre-chewed mitirashi dango. You could feel your panties starting to soak. You start breathing heavily, feeling yourself get hot. Hotaru takes another bite, stuffing his mouth with a mitarashi before dropping the sticks to the floor. He then starts unbuttoning your uniform, then removing the top and tossing it to the side. You look away from him and cover your chest up. Haganezuka looks at you hungrily, grabbing your wrists and moving them to get a better look. He backs up slightly, "Take it off..." He says. "Wh-What...?" You say. "The bra...no all of it, take off your pants.." He says, his voice very stern and serious. A small frown was present on your face, you unhook your bra, then taking it off before going to your pants. Haganezuka watches in excitement, starting to slowly stroke his cock. You unbutton your pants, pulling them down and tossing them to the side. You look down at the floor and fiddle with your hands, you were now only in your underwear. Haganezuka groans, walking closer to you. He grabs your underwear, ripping them off your body, in response you let out a small whimper, then covering your pussy. "I-I...I've never done anything like this before..." You say, just above a whisper. The man freezes, dropping your ripped underwear to the floor. "Wh-What? You're a virgin..?" He says, looking up at you, his eyes slightly widen. "Y-yea..." You respond, biting your lip. You were 20 but you were still a virgin which made you incredibly embarrassed. He smiles, "Oh..." was all he said. Haganezuka the picks your up, cradling you, "A-Ah!" You squeak. He looks down at you, giving you another toothy smile then turning around and walking towards the hot spring's water. You look down nervously.

He walks into the water, setting you down. "Look at me.." Haganezuka says. You oblige, looking up at him, you couldn't help the fact you were actually incredibly horny. He puts his hand in the water towards you, touching your inner thighs, squeezing and rubbing them before going higher. He rubs the outside of your pussy, then rubbing your labia. He smirks. "You really like this don't you?" He says, slipping a finger inside of you. You gasp. He slowly move his finger in and out, adding in another shortly after. "M-Mr. Haganezuka...P-please don't be rough with me.." You whisper, your breaths starting to get heavier by the second. The man only chuckles in response. He curls his fingers inside of you, working them in and out of your body. "A-Ah-!? You quietly moan out, then letting yourself fall onto Haganezuka's chest. He chuckles once more, pulling his fingers out of you. You look up at him, your eyes filled with lust. He looks back at you, a small smile on his face. You feel him grab your thighs, he pulls you up, then holding your ass so you didn't fall. You gasp, feeling his tip lightly touch your entrance. Your eyes widen. He lowers you down slowly. You bite your lips, your palms laying down on his chest. You feel him slowly filling your insides to the brim. Your eyes go half-lidded, you look up at him. "M-Mr..H-Hagnnn...." You try to say his name but you feel him start to slowly bounce you up and down on his cock, distracting you. He slowly gets faster and faster, your tits bouncing in sync with your sex being violated by Haganezuka's. You can feel yourself starting to get over stimulated. "H-Ha...H..." You try to say his name, failing miserably and turning into a moaning mess. You hold onto his shoulders. He was being too rough, he started going fast way to quickly considering he had just put it in. The water splashes around you both, causing very small waves. You pant, your eyes go to the back of your head. Already you could feel your walls tighten around him as he repeatingly hits your core. He continues shoving himself in and out of you, you feel yourself reach your climax. You Scream out in pleasure, your eyesight going blurry and you feel a wonderful sensation all over your body. You laid limp against him as he continued fucking you; having not reached his own climax. His thrusts start getting sloppier and sloppier by the second, You hear Haganezuka let out a loud grunt, then you feel a hot liquid fill inside of you. He pulls himself out, setting you in the water, the cum drips out of you and into the water. You couldn't stand, you were so tired. You take a hold of Haganezuka, hanging onto him as if there was a 800 foot drop below you. "You did know that you could've just found a different swordsmith right? Or am I just that good looking?" He boasts. "Wh-Wha-? What do you mean...?" You say, panting, a red tint still on your face. Haganezuka only lets out a laugh, then patting you on the head. "You did good, you should break your sword more often..." He flirts. "Hey...I said what do you mean! We didn't have to actually do all that...?" You say, a frown was present on your face. "You enjoyed it anyhow..." He says, lowering his eyes at you. You only blush in response. "How about I take you home..? Its dangerous at night." Haganezuka asks. "Mmm...Well, I don't really see why not...I mean the worst has already past so..." you think to yourself. "S-Sure.." You say. He smiles.

Any Constructive criticism is appreciated. Please tell me what you think.

#Demon slayer #Hotaru Haganezuka #fanfic #fanfiction #xreader #smut #tanjiro kamado #nezuko #zenitsu #genya shinazugawa #KNY

714 notes · View notes

matryosika · 1 year

Text

Pairing: Changbin x Reader

Wordcount: 12,944 words.

Includes: Fem!Reader, babysitter!Changbin, MILF!Reader. Age gap between characters (male character is said to be 24, whilst reader's age is not explicited but there's an 11 years gap between the two). It's kind of an important topic throughout the plot, but it's not the main topic. Alcohol consumption. Smut warnings under the cut.

Author's Note: Finally, I finished this Changbin fic I've been work for an embarrassing amount of time. I had fun writing this, but right in the middle I kind of started questioning my existence and I started feeling conflicted about how I was portraying everything. I'm not sure if I'm satisfied, but I had a good time so I guess that's what counts. I know for a fact that there are a couple of grammar mistakes and misspelled words. I promise I'll fix them all soon. In the mean time, enjoy! Also, as usual, please remember that english is not my first language.

If you wish to support my work further, you can leave a reblog/ask/ comment. I also have a ko-fi, in case you want to (and are able to) leave me a tip. As a broke, college student I will highly appreciate it (the job hunting it's definitely not going anywhere, anytime soon. I'm doing my best though!). As I'm based in México, even a dollar helps me tons.

Smut warnings: Perv!Changbin, panty sniffing, jerking off to the smell of used underwear. Non-consensual recording in the beginning (but not really, you'll find out why). Dirty talk, mentions of masturbation (f. and m.), oral sex (f. and m. receiving), mentions of spit/drool, brief pussy slapping, overstimulation, impregnation fantasies (but it's not explicit between the characters), very mild humiliation/fantasies regarding humiliation, consensual recording of sexual activities, unprotected sex, creampie. Changbin talks lot about reader's ex-husband during the smut part so bear with him, it's his ego talking.

“You saw what?!”

Myeong’s high-pitched voice attracts a couple of stares from other people at the café, and you sulk into your spot at the sofa. If there's one person you trust in this world, whole-heartedly, it's her —your friend is good at keeping secrets, but she is not that great at being discreet.

Even so, she is the only one you can talk to about this. You didn't even tell your therapist yet, afraid you might get confronted in a not-so-friendly manner.

“Keep your voice down,” you insist, kicking her leg with your feet underneath the table. The short haired hisses and curses under her breath, but she doesn’t complain. Part of her feels like she earned it by being so loud. “And don’t make me repeat it again”.

“He did not,” Myeong’s eyes embody true shock as she stares right into you, her lips slightly parted while there's a blank expression all over her face. It starts regaining its true colors once her eyebrows quirk, and the corners of her lips turn into a hysterical smirk. “He did not!”

“Yes, he did,” you sigh, brushing a couple of strands away from your face before guiding the white, coffee mug to your lips, “And it’s all video-”.

“Shut up,” Myeong’s hand flies to her mouth and she covers it, repressing any urges to scream or laugh out loud. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“I’m not,” you shrug your shoulders, “and it wasn’t just one video I found”.

Myeong smacks her palm against her thigh, offering you a warm but teasingly smirk, “this might be the greatest day, ever”.

“This is not okay, Myeong,” there’s a lump in your throat that doesn’t go away, not even with all the sips you’ve taken from your coffee as of right now. The words are caught up in your throat, and you're afraid you might spill them if your friend spins the conversation to the wrong direction.

“How is this not okay?” The amusement in her eyes tells you that she is definitely watching the issue from another perspective. A perspective you know well, but that you no longer share, “he is clearly into you, I bet if you ask him to sleep with you he would do it right away, without thinking it twice”.

“He is a college student,” you emphasize, “and he is barely 24”.

“So?” Myeong cocks an eyebrow. “It’s not illegal, is it?”

You roll your eyes.

“No, it is not illegal,” your friend smiles proudly when you prove her right, but her smile fades away as you start talking, “but it feels wrong”.

“You’re so boring sometimes, you know,” your friend snorts, taking a sip from her green tea. “When was the last time you got laid?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, actually it does,” the conversation is slowly spinning towards you, and you don’t like it. At the same time, you can’t help but answer every question Myeong has, hoping to get some clarity out of the dilemmas she is putting you through. “If you can look into my eyes and promise that your sexual life is satisfactory enough right now, I will let this go”.

Had you been a hell of a liar, you would've done just that —stare into her eyes and blatantly lie. But is it more embarrassing to lie about having a great sexual life and get caught, or admitting it has been practically non-existent ever since your divorce?

Your silence and crestfallen gaze speaks for themselves, and that sparks curiosity in Myeong.

“Because you do… have an active sexual life, right?” A group of older women passes by your table and stares judgingly, which prompts you to shush your friend. Her blank expressions turns into amusement again, and she pokes her tongue through her cheek. “Oh, my God!”

“Look, I don’t need it, okay?” You're not a good liar, but the frustration and the rising heat on your cheeks prompts you to talk without thinking. “I don’t fuck these days and I totally don’t care”.

“What a day!” Myeong scoffs with mirth, “and it is barely nine in the morning”.

You pick at the hems of your blazer and don’t dare to look at her, at least not until she regains her composure.

“Oh my God,” she sighs again, taking a sip from her tea. “No, I see it, you definitely look like you haven't had sex in ages”.

“My sexual life is not up for discussion today,” you cut her short, rising your hand to catch the attention of a waiter not that far from your table, wanting to get another coffee refill. “But I really need to figure out what to do with the other thing I just told you about”.

“You’re such a prude,” your friend chuckles softly, “you can’t even say his name or address the situation as it happened —you caught him jerking off with your underw-”

“Don’t,” you stop her, glaring at the waiter that's just approaching you. He gets to your table and offers you both a bright smile, before asking if you need anything else. You hand him your coffee mug and ask for another refill, to which he nods compliantly.

You wish you could have elongated the time of his presence near you, to save you from Myeong's accusatory interventions, but there was little you could do when another table called him. After, the mischevious smile in your friend’s lips appeared again.

“So you caught Changbin jerking him in your bedroom, rubbing himself with a pair of your used panties,” you nod quietly, biting the insides of your cheek. There's something crude about the way she puts it, but that's exactly what happened. “What are you going to do about it? Fire him?”

“Yeah,” you agree, and furrow your eyebrows when Myeong shakes her head in disapproval. “Isn’t that the obvious thing to do in this situation?”

“You said he was great, though”.

“He is great at babysitting,” you let out a frustrated sigh, brushing your hair away from your face, “he is so accessible, and Jihun adores him”.

“And you’re still going to fire him?” Myeong asks with a look of disbelief.

“Isn’t that what I am supposed to do?” The sudden raise of your voice attracts a couple of stares, to which Myeong responds with a friendly smile. You quickly mutter a quick sorry to your table neighbors and other passerbys, and lower the volume of your voice. “The idea of not firing him just doesn't make any sense”.

“Alright, let’s say you fire him,” Myeong takes a deep sigh and leans back against his seat, “do you already have someone in mind for the job?”

You chew on your bottom lip as you shake your head.

“If you’re going to fire him, you better start there,” your friend rightfully points out. “Once you have a new babysitter, then you can fire him. If not, you’re at risk of being left empty-handed”.

“Yeah, but-” you hesitate. The idea of having to look for someone else to take care of Jihun it’s incredibly overwhelming. What if you can’t find someone like Changbin all over again? What if you end up stuck with a shitty, irresponsible babysitter that Jihun might not even get along with? “God, I just don’t want to fire him”.

“Then don’t!”

“But-”

“Jesus, you’re so complicated,” Myeong huffed, taking one last sip of her tea cup before putting it to the side. “What is so wrong about him jerking off in your room? That he did it with your dirty underwear?”.

You keep quiet for a second, which your friend takes advantage of to continue ranting.

“I mean, that’s a little bit nasty, but is it weird of me to say that it’s kind of hot too?”

“It’s a perverted behavior,” you murmur under your breath, but Myeong picks it on very clearly.

“It turned you on and you know it,” she scoffs. “We have going at this for over an hour, and not once I’ve sense any kind of disgust from you when you talk about it. You’re scared, and awkward, and probably confused, but disgusted? I just don’t see it, no matter how hard you try to portray just that”.

Damned be Myeong, who knows you a bit too well for your own liking.

“What were you thinking when you saw those videos?” the short-haired asks you, stretching her arms and placing both palms on top of the table. “Or better yet, what did you feel?”.

She doesn’t know, you tell yourself, but the heat rising up to your cheeks and the sudden throb between your legs betrays you. Myeong might not know what you thought or felt, but you do —no matter how much you try to repress or deny it, the ghost of your hand trailing from your tummy to your aching core is still there.

“Nothing,” you reply, not daring to share the truth.

“Nothing?” Myeong challenges you, “you mean to tell me that it didn’t spark anything inside you?”

It sparked everything inside you, but you couldn’t get yourself to admit it. The whole situation makes you feel silly, and you can't understand why.

“Alright,” she exhales, scratching her head. “I’m going to be pretty straight forward with you”.

Myeong isn't known for her tact, so you're preparing in advance for whatever it is that she has to say. Whether you want her blunt honesty or not, it is perhaps what you need to get yourself out of this dilemma, “shoot”.

“We’ve been friends for what? 18 years?” you simply nod, unsure where this is going to take her. “We went to college together, we finished our majors and graduated on time. I was there on your wedding day, and the day Jihun was born. I was also there the day you decided to get a divorce”.

“Thank you for the quick trip to memory lane,” you joke.

“What I’m saying is that we have known each other for years, I obviously can tell when you’re lying,” she cocks her eyebrows and gives you an accusatory look, but continues on with her speech. “I also can tell how much you’ve changed since that useless marriage of you, and I hate it. You’re far from being the confident woman I once knew”.

“What does that has any to do with the Changbin situation?” A nervous smile peeks through the corners of your lips.

“Please,” she spits, “it has everything to do with it”.

She keeps quiet for a second and stares at you long enough before continuing, almost as if she's trying to get answers from you telepathically. Not that she needs them.

“What are you so scared of?” Myeong queries. Whether she asked it as a rhetorical question or not, you do have an answer of your own. A bunch, actually. “Why did you stop being a woman, and got stuck with the role of a divorced, single mother?”

You know it wasn't her intention, but the stinging feeling of your tears pricking in the corner of your eyes tells you that she has hit a weak spot. Something you weren't expecting to talk about on a Thursday morning during breakfast at a fucking café downtown.

“I know you like him, Changbin,” the way she stitched those words together makes you feel eerie, but the statement is not far from the truth —you don't picture a long life together, and you don't necessarily want anything serious, but you still like him. You're attracted to him, and you've known that for a while now. “It’s really obvious”.

“How come?” The question is stupid, but you really ought to know why.

“I’m your best friend,” she smiles triumphantly, “I just know”.

Your cup of coffee it’s getting empty, and there’s only a couple of minutes before 10. You invited Myeong to grab some breakfast in hopes of finding a solution to your conflict, yet a ton of more questions were awakened.

You can’t tell if that is a good thing or a bad one.

“It’s obvious he feels attracted to you too,” Myeong tells you, getting you out of your own thoughts. “Perhaps it wasn't the best way to find out, but you can clearly tell he has a thing for you”.

“So?”

“So,” she exhales, grabbing her purse from the side of the table. “Do with that information as you please. Jesus, woman, I can’t solve every single one of your mind riddles for you!”

“You’re saying I should tell him?” you rush to ask before she stands up. “You know, about the videos”.

“I’m saying: do whatever the fuck you want for once,” Myeong smiles. “If you want to get fucked by him, go ahead. If you don’t, then you don’t and that’s it”.

“You’re not helping me,” you huff, crossing your arms against your chest while leaning back.

“No one will be able to help you if you don’t let them,” with a tilt of her head, and her lips pressed together in a straight line, Myeong chooses her next words carefully. “What happened with Kyungho doesn't have to keep on taking tolls in your life, especially in your womanhood”.

She extends her arm on the table and looks out for your hand, holding it carefully while giving you a reassurance gaze.

“It’s difficult,” you exhale, fixing your eyes in the way she rubs your hand with her thumb.

“I know,” the short-haired nods. “But you too deserve to have fun, to meet people and feel desired. It is not wrong, you know?”

After your divorce, picturing you with someone became impossible. At first, and for obvious reasons, you didn't feel like putting yourself out there. You had way too much on your plate at the time to even consider dating, and the idea never really crossed your mind. Your work and Jihun occupied most of the space in your mind and concerns, and there was very little room for you and your needs.

As you got a hang of everything, you started to realize the pitch feeling of dissatisfaction inside your chest —there was something you were missing, and you couldn't quite pinpoint exactly what it was.

Love, with Jihun and your loved ones you had plenty. Money, just enough to live a pretty decent life.

But sex? There was nothing there to tell.

“I’ve got to get going,” Myeong murmurs, squeezing your hand one last time before sliding her chair backwards, “don’t get into your head too much, alright?”

“I can’t promise you that,” you tell her, standing up from the sofa while grabbing your purse while giving her an unapologetic smile.

The rest of the day you’re spending it thinking about your conversation with Myeong earlier, and the videotapes you found the night before. Most of the things she said are lingering in your head, presenting itself one after the other, like a hook of an essay meant to capture your attention and lure you into all that reading the rest.

She gives you a soft pat on your head and returns the smile, her warmth giving you some sense of comfort, “just try”.

You don’t want to read the rest of your own thoughts. You don't want to acknowledge them, nor deal with them, but Myeong’s voice is still ringing loud and clear in your ears.

What were you thinking? What did you feel? Had you been brave enough, you would have told her everything, from the very start and without gaps. You would have told her about the way your heart started to race as you realized what was hapenning in the tapes, how you stood awake all night watching them, examining them, touching yourself to them.

Now that you think about it, you're not any better than him.

Paperwork is accumulating at the edge of your desk, but you can't begin to care. Time is passing, but you’re still stuck in last night without being able to move forward or backward. Your mind is latched to the sight of him throwing his head back while he wraps your underwear around his cock, the way he starts increasing the movement of his wrist once he is close. Your mind is latched to everything you saw, and all the tiny details you might have missed.

The dates of each footage spin in your head, trying to find a pattern but, at the same time, making no sense. There is, however, a common denominator every single time —Changbin only visits your room when the apartment was empty. It doesn’t happens too often, though, but it has happened a couple of times in the past months. For instance, that April morning you took Jihun to his doctor’s appointment and forgot to inform Changbin, who showed up to your apartment right on time, but found it empty.

It had been a rabbit's hole, the stupid CCTV you haven't gotten rid of despite not being useful anymore. Before yesterday, you didn't even remember you had it —it had been Kyungho’s idea, to install a closed-circuit television system after a spate of burglaries at the apartment complex. At the time, you didn't protest because you thought it was convenient. But, eventually, the burglaries stopped.

After that, the system never came in handy until Wednesday, when you thought you had lost a usb with important work documents. You looked for it everywhere —the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, and even Jihun's playroom.

“You know, kids love small, shiny things,” Myeong had told you over the phone, trying to ease your frustration, “maybe he took it and it’s hidden somewhere in between his toys, I don’t know”.

After a relentless search, and an agonizing feeling of having screwed up, you remembered the CCTV. Although its purpose was to surveill and not precisely find missing things you took a leap of faith —you were too desperate to find it, that the idea didn’t seem too crazy.

So you sat down and searched for the date in which you last remember ever using the USB. Tuesday, this week. You thought doing some home office was a good idea, so you took your stuff home and, after pouring a glass of red wine, you laid down in your bed and started reviewing some documents you have to deliver on Friday.

A glass of red wine became two, and soon you found yourself feeling sleepy. You could clearly see in the CCTV footage how you packed your things, placed your laptop inside your bag, took the glass and bottle of wine to the kitchen and returned to keep on getting your stuff ready for the following morning. Then, some frames of you walking towards one of your drawers, opening and closing them right away.

Perhaps you had been too sleepy, and the alcohol ingested did its thing, but you found the USB right there, where the footage showed it —inside one of the drawers. You smiled triumphantly as you packed the device where it should have been, inside your bag, and returned your attention to the television screen in front of you. What a useless purchase, you thought as you saw the amount of videos stored, but felt glad nonetheless about it becoming in handy.

You could have stop right there. And really, you should have.

But one thumbnail in particular captured your attention. It dated from Wednesday, last week, and it showed you an image of a man walking inside your room, the same 3 frames repeating themselves over and over again.

Wednesday, last week, had been the parent-teaching meeting at Jihun’s preschool. It took longer than expected, so Changbin had to wait at your place for around 20 minutes before you came home. The timestamp in the bottom right corner of the thumbnail confirmed so —it had been recorded at 12:06 p.m., when he was by himself.

Said footage lead you to look for another.

And another.

[18:01 p.m., You: Do you think I can have a word after your shift today?]

And at one point, you didn’t know who had sunk lower —Changbin, for what he did, or you, for liking it.

[19:23 p.m., Babysitter: Sure. Is everything alright?]

[19:41 p.m., You: Yeah, there’s just something I want to discuss with you]

Myeong's words still resonate inside your mind and, as you park your car outside the apartment complex, you realize you don't have a plan. You had been brave enough to let Changbin know there's something you want to talk about, but you didn't think anything further from it. You just don’t know how to bring the topic up, because there is a lot to explain from your side.

“Yeah, I have cameras all over the apartment and I saw you getting off to my used underwear,” you rehearse, but even the choice of words sounds extremely creepy. You're glad the windows of your car are rolled up, because if any passerby hears you they would’ve give you a perturbated look.

You take a deep breath, grip the steering wheel of your car and go at it again. “Listen, Changbin, I found some videos- fuck!”.

You feel conflicted, and guilty. And a part of you makes you want to believe it is because of the whole CCTV issue, that you should've told him beforehand when he started working with you. But, prior to this week, you didn't even remember it. You didn't avoid telling him out of mischief, but because it was so irrelevant it never cross your mind.

However, the other part of you knows it is because of what you did watching those tapes. You know about the pooling wetness in your underwear as you remember the images of Changbin stroking himself, wrapping your used underwear around his cock and fucking himself with it. You know about the countless times you made yourself come last night while thinking about him, about how good he smells and how much of a gentleman he is.

You know about your attraction towards him, and that is something you can deny to everyone but yourself.

After not being able to find the correct words to use tonight, you leave your car and walk towards your apartment with frustration penting up inside of you. Because, really, what was the worst thing that could happen? Him, quitting his job? At some point, you voted for that solution to this situation. So the more you think about it, the more you expose yourself —the worst thing that can happen is nothing at all.

You take one last deep breath before typing the password in the keypad of your door, and the first thing you're welcomed with is a delicious smell you're not used to.

“I’m home,” you announce, hanging your bag and blazer on the coat rack. These days you're not greeted by Jihun as you usually were. Now that he started his second year at kindergarten, he wakes up earlier than usual and, therefore, goes to bed early too. His absence doesn’t surprise you tonight, but the fact that Changbin isn’t sitting at your living room as he usually does, do. “Changbin?”

“Right here, Miss,” a voice from the kitchen speaks.

You find him standing in front of the kitchen stove, not facing you, wearing some thight jeans, a light blue shirt and your white apron. In the dinner table there's a plate and a glass, along with a bottle of wine you can't quite recognize. Did he bring it himself?

“What is this?” you ask. There's not irritation or annoyance in your voice, but rather confusion and curiosity.

The corner of his lips rise in a soft, proud smirk. One that you can’t capture due to the position he is in. “Dinner,” he tells you, maneuvering a couple of kitchen utensils on his pan. “I figure you might be hungry, and so I decided to cook some dinner for you”.

Static, you stare at his back for endless seconds until his voice brings you back to reality yet again.

“I cooked us some bibimbap, Jihun was craving some,” Changbin explains. “There were a couple of leftover ingredients”.

“Oh,” you murmur, walking cautiously towards the dining table, “you shouldn’t have”.

“It’s no big deal,” Changbin reassures you, getting your dish ready.

You watch him as he moves around the kitchen, and that conversation with Myeong comes back to your mind —he is a college student, 11 years younger than you are. But the more you look at him, the more he doesn't look like one.

His facial features, the way he walks and carries himself. The way he talks and expresses his thoughts, his voice, his gaze... Everything is so appealing to you. He is even more of a man than half men your age, you often think.

“Almost done, Miss,” he tells you, and the title which he uses to address you suddenly weighs heavy on your mind.

“How was Jihun today?” you ask, clearing your throat and preventing any other thoughts from resurfacing.

“He was good,” Changbin walks towards the table and offers you the dish, not without pouring a bit of wine on your glass. “I helped him with his homework, and he asked me if he could watch television afterwards. We spent almost all day at his playroom”.

“Thanks,” you mutter under your breath as he sets the table ready for you. “Is he already in bed?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “I hope the dinner is good by the way”.

You give him a quick smile, and thank him again. The dish looks great, and it smells just as good, but you can’t get yourself to take one bite from it. Or at least not when you’re this nervous.

So you decide to start now.

“Changbin,” you sigh, feeling even more conflicted about such gesture. His name it's all that's needed for you to capture his attention, which you do almost immediately. “Please, sit down”.

He follows compliantly, taking a seat right in front of yours. You're not quite sure how to begin, but you go for it anyways.

“What’s going on?” he asks you, with an innocent smile that gets a little under your nerves. “What was the thing you wanted to discuss?”

You clear your throat and eye the glass of wine in front of you. Silly move, a part of you thinks once you chug it down in one sit. You look nervous, and he can tell. Ironically enough, you're not the one who should be in such a state. You weren't caught doing something wrong, and your job wasn't at risk. So why do you feel cornered, just like he is supposed to feel?

“How do I even say this,” you mumble to yourself, exhaling the sweet taste of wine. It tastes nothing like the ones you usually consume, but it is nice. You know it isn't yours, but you don't dare to ask him the reason behind this odd, unexpected gift. “Jesus”.

He looks at you with empty eyes, that seem to be trying hard to figure out what's going on inside your mind.

“Look, I’m just going to say it like it happened,” Changbin is sitting right in front of you, but it seems as if you’re engaging on a conversation alone with yourself. You hardly recognize his presence there, only fixing your eyes to the now empty glass of wine. “And I know I should’ve told you this when I first met you and hired you as Jihun’s babysitter, but I didn’t because I completely forgot about them and I honestly didn’t think much of it”.

There's a short silence between the two of you, one you use to organize your thoughts, and then continue.

“There’s a CCTV system in the apartment,” you say, without beating around the bush. Saying it out loud, for you, sounds like a shocker, but Changbin doesn't seem fazed at all. “There’s cameras on every room, and they have been there for a while now, longer than you have been working for me”.

After you tell him that, he leans back against his seat and his body relaxes, almost as if he was expecting something else. Something worse.

As if what you’re just about to say isn’t wrong enough.

“I saw some stuff,” you confess, still not daring to look at him.

You hate how this whole interaction is being. You hate how small you feel, even though you're the one calling him out, the one supposed to be in control. You hate how he looks at you, with that heavy gaze of his that secretly whispers an I know what you did. You hate how the eleven-year gap does not cross your mind because in front of him you feel so defenseless.

You hate how you can't even scold him for what he did because you didn't dislike any second of it.

Changbin smiles after a couple of seconds in silence, finding amusement in the way you get flustered as you try to keep your speech going.

“I know about the cameras,” he tells you, and your nervous countenance suddenly drifts into one of confusion. “I’ve known for a while. They’re not hard to spot”.

There's rage within you, probably because of how much time you invested being nervous just for him to shrug it off so lightly.

“Oh,” you blink a couple of times, still in awe.

It takes you a while, but the realization hits you. If he was aware of the CCTV system the whole time, that means…

“Then you know what I saw,” it’s not a question, it’s an affirmation. Hostility lingers in your voice, but that is not enough to alarm Changbin, who licks his lips and tiltes his head at you with a serious deadpan.

“Miss,” he tells you. “What did you see?”

You gulp loudly and finally get the courage to look at him, with an incredulous expression that calls out his cynism. “Do you really want me to say it out loud?”

Another silence dawns up on you, and you're not quite sure how to follow the conversation without his participation, as he isn't really saying anything. So, to save you time and awkwardness, you just let the words freely fall from your mouth.

“I saw footages of you, inside my room,” you spit, seeing if that is enough to get a reaction from him, but realizing you failed again. Not that it surprises you, so you just keep going. “I saw everything, every video there was. I don’t- I’m not sure why I did it, but I did”.

You're reminded of Myeong, again, and how she asked you to do whatever the fuck you wanted for once.

“So, why?” you ask, staring deep into him. You’re not angry, nor disappointed, you also don’t seem grossed out, so Changbin smiles triumphantly. He has gotten away with it. “If you knew there was cameras, why risk doing that knowing I could easily find out?”

“Because I wanted you to find out,” he simply replies, as if the answer wasn’t completely obvious to both parties.

“Yeah, but why?”

“I wanted to end up right here,” Changbin explains, leaning against the table while placing both of his elbows on it. “With you, confronting me about it”.

You look at him in disbelief, trying to give his answers some sense but failing miserably.

“You’re not thinking about firing me,” he continues, looking for your gaze underneath your shock. “It would’ve been the first thing to say”.

It seems as if the roles have been reversed, and you're now the one who isn't speaking, despite you being the one who initially brought the topic up.Right now you want to listen to him and try to understand what he is meaning with all of this, so you stay quiet.

“So if you’re not firing me, what is it that truly you wanted to discuss?”

The soft smirk he offers you makes you feel dizzy, and you find yourself holding your breath. As if a deep exhale it's going to betray you, to sell you out and reveal your deepest fantasies.

And quickly, you realize can’t fulfill Myeong’s promise, because you’re already too far gone inside your head.

“It was- not okay,” you sigh. “You’re just- way too young for me. I have an exhusband, and a child. I’m a fucking mother, Changbin”.

“So?” he asks you with one of his brows slightly raised. Defiantly, intimidating, ready to prove you wrong. “Does that mean I can't find you attractive?”

The sudden confession makes your heart feel as if you were on top of the roller coaster, despite Myeong bringing the possibility to the table earlier today.

“You shouldn’t,” you cut him short. “There’s nothing I can offer you. You should seek women your age”.

“But I want you,” he makes it very clear, with no hesitation in his voice. There’s a table between you two, but it is not enough of a barrier to prevent you from feeling him close. “It’s you who I think about when I jerk off, not them”.

There’s another silence that accompanies the realization sinking. Changbin is attracted to you, and he does jerks off thinking about you. You shouldn’t feel flattered, but you do, and it’s dangerous.

It has been a while since someone lusted after you like this.

“Changbin,” you swallow thickly, but not even that small amount of saliva does anything to ease the dry feeling in your throat. “You’re too young”.

He gives a smile that hides cockiness behind it, almost as if he wanted you to bring that up.

“I can treat you better than men your age, in every way,” the tip of his tongue grazes against his cheek in an arrogant manner that don’t really hate. The attitude looks good on him. “Even better than your exhusband”.

The heat is rising up to your cheeks, and it feels awkward. Your thighs are squeezing together, too, and you pray for him to not notice any crevice of all that you are trying so hard to hide.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep talking about this,” you mumble, standing up from your seat while he does the same. “Go home, and I’ll see you on Monday”.

“So you’re really not going to fire me,” Changbin murmurs, dangerously approaching you. “Hm?”

You’re too close to spit it out. To give in, tell him that he can do with you whatever he wants. You’re too close to break in front of him, just like he is to pressing his body against yours.

“No,” you inhale, anticipating the contact of his hand against your hips.

“Is there a good reason behind such a decision?”

You swallow thickly, and think about how long it has been since the last time you felt someone’s body against yours —it has been ages, to say the least.

“I-” you can’t think straight. The mere touch of his hand against your clothes, and his deep gaze staring right through you is enough to overwhelm you. “Jihun likes you too much, I can’t- I don’t want to hire anybody else”.

“And you?” Changbin asks you, tilting his head. “Do you like me?”

What is the point of resisting? Now that his lips are too close to yours, and you're aching to feel his hips pressed against your body, you no longer care about anything you did a couple minutes ago. You like Changbin. You like his body, his gentleness, his sympathy. You like how attractive and confident he is, how he stares at you, how he desires you.

You like him. Isn’t that enough to give in?

“Just admit it,” he whispers, his hand reaching out to caress your cheek, “and I’ll take care of the rest”.

“What’s going to happen if I do?” you ask him, nibbling at the skin of your lower lip.

“You know what is going to happen,” Changbin scoffs, so softly it sounds like a melody rather than a teasing laugh. “Didn't the videos gave you enough hints about how desperate I am for you?”

You're not used to him being this straight-forward. Maybe you are a prude, because the way he is talking to you right now is making it difficult to hold the eye contact, and it's making your skin warmer.

Changbin is quick to pick up on that, on the way you can hardly look at him while he speaks, and the way you swallow thickly with each words that leaves his lips —he makes a mental note to remember it later.

“Tomorrow,” you tell him and, for the first time tonight, you feel the air actually getting to your lungs. “Jihun is spending the weekend with his father”.

He smiles cockily against your lips, leaning in further to place a quick peck on them. A quick peck that leaves you craving for more, that makes your chest feel heavy and your limbs numb.

“See you tomorrow, then”.

You can’t stop eyeing your phone screen, thinking that staring at the clock for too long will prevent it from letting time pass.

You've given in. And there's no turning back.

It’s 18:41. And it has been 18:41 for the past hour or so. The seconds are passing excruciatingly slow, and that does nothing to ease your anguish.

You tried to catch up on all the paperwork you left undone yesterday, went and lunch somewhere else rather than the company’s cafeteria to kill some time, and even texted Myeong asking her if she was busy because you wanted to talk to her. Myeong hasn’t texted you back yet, but the two other activities weren’t enough to distract you from the inevitable.

18:41, still. Anticipation is killing you, what have you gotten yourself into?

You can't shake off the feeling of his lips against yours, no matter how minimal and quick the contact was. It wasn’t a kiss in all the sense of the word, it was just a peck. Yet that is enough for your mind to keep on repeating the moment on loop, making you feel the pressure on your lips, despite him not being anywhere around you right now.

You glance at your phone screen again.

18:42. You swallow thickly.

The sudden buzz of your phone inside your hand makes your heart skips a beat, and you hold it right against your chest. Please let it be Myeong, you pray, feeling a pit in your stomach and the sudden sensation of having to visit the restroom. Please let it be Myeong.

[18:42, Myeong: Just got out of a meeting. What’s up?]

[18:42, You: I’m meeting Changbin after work]

Not even two seconds after pressing the sent button, your phone is buzzing repeatedly and Myeong's image is being shown right at the center of the screen.

“What?!” Her squealing is what welcomes you after you pick up the call. She screams so loud you have to move your phone away from your ear, allowing her to scream as much as she wants without compromising one of your senses. “Oh my fucking God!”

It takes her a while to regain her composure, but she gets there. After panting and letting out sighs of amusement, Myeong gives you the word.

“I’m nervous,” you admit. “I’m so fucking nervous, I feel like a teenager”.

“Of course,” Myeong sighs, and you don’t have to see her to know she is probably smiling. “Isn’t that expected? It has been a while since, you know, you put yourself out there”.

“Yeah, I know,” you murmur, biting the skin around your nails. “But God, I feel so pathetic”.

“Once you're being dicked down you're definitely going to forget that feeling, don't worry,” your friend jokes with a teasing chuckle, and you huff under your breath. “Or you can ask him to make you feel that way even more, if you’re into that”.

A quick train of thoughts passes through your mind, but Myeong's voice snaps you back into reality again.

“You don't have to feel nervous,” she continues. “It’s just sex. It's not like you haven't had it before”.

“Why am I even making such a big deal out of this?” You let out a frustrated sigh, and lean back against your office chair.

“You’re getting too much into your own head, again,” Myeong scolds you. “I’m praying he can get you out of there”.

“We’ll see,” your lips press into a thin line, and the thoughts that were pushed away by Myeong resuface again. “I have to go, my desk is a mess and I need to tidy it up before I leave”.

It’s part true, your desk is a mess. But you don’t think you can organize it in under 10 minutes, let alone do it while thinking about Changbin. So your say your goodbyes, hang up and stare at the glass doors that lead to your office for a bit too long.

What is Changbin like in bed?

You didn’t ask him, but it’s rather obvious he has a couple experiences of his own. You have some too, but none of them are worth telling —just normal sex, with a little bit of foreplay and, luckily, some cuddles in the end. Nothing wrong with that, but your experiences weren't nearly as fascinating as some you've heard over the past years.

The clock on your phone screen captures your attention, and you realize you can't dwell in your own thoughts too much.

18:58.

Despite knowing the password to the door keypad, Changbin waited for you to let him know you were already at the apartment to finally show up, wearing some tight jeans, and a plain black t-shirt.

Technically, you can leave your office now.

Upon arriving home, you opted for taking a shower and wear much more comfortable clothes.

They aren’t sexy, nor luring. They are just your regular pijamas, ones that make you feel comfortable and aren't as awkward as those work skirts that makes you feel like your stomach it's all the way up to your chest.

They are just your pijamas, but Changbin’s gaze and the soft smirk that peeks from the corners of his lips tells you that he likes them.

“Do you want some wine?” You ask him, just as he follows you around the living room.

He gets the sense that you might need a glass, so he agrees. You grab the bottle of wine he brought yesterday, along with two glasses, and join him in the couch, sitting right next to him while leaving the stuff on top of a small coffee table. Not having a whole table as a barrier feels kind of weird now, and you sigh loudly when you take into account how close you really are from him.

“Thank you, by the way,” you mumble, pouring him some wine. “For the dinner, yesterday. I ate it after you left, it was really good”.

He offers you a soft smile, and you hand him the glass. Is this too formal? you start thinking. Why would I be drinking some wine, on a Friday afternoon, with the college student who babysits my son?

But then again, you’re about to get fucked by him too. So moral questionings doesn’t really matter this time.

“You’re welcome,” Changbin coos. “I’d be happy to cook something else for you another time”.

Another time, the words resonate in your head over and over again. Will this happen another time, too? What will things be like on Monday, for example, when he shows up for work? Will things be weird, or will he be casual about it? What happens if you soon realize it was a mistake?

You’re getting too much into your own head, again, so you clear your throat and shake your head.

“Is everything okay?” he asks you, his lips tinted with the cherry color of the wine. The sight makes you want to lean in and kiss him again, to taste the sweet flavor off his lips, but you’re not brave enough to make the first move.

“I’m just nervous,” you admit, staring at the glass between your hands. “It’s weird that we both know why you are here”.

Changbin lets out a soft scoff.

“And?”

“It feels odd, you know?” You lick your lips. “I don't know what to say, or where to begin. I'm not rushed to get into it, it's just... I don't know what the fuck to do”.

“You don’t need to do anything,” he reassures you, taking one last sip from the wine before putting his glass on the table again. “Why don’t you leave everything to me, hm?”

You gulp loudly and nod, unsure of what that means. But either way, you feel relieved.

He places his hand on your naked thigh, and then guides it a little bit further up. It’s a suggestive touch, but not obsecene —still, you feel your breath hitching. You don't even bother to try and hide your reaction, because the proud smile in his face tells you that he noticed it.

“Come here,” he whispers, guiding his available hand to softly grip your chin and turning it to face him. He doesn’t give you time to process the action, and just crashes his lips into yours. It starts like a peck, but when you part your lips and invite his tongue in, it turns into something else.

Changbin smiles against your lips, again, a proud smile. You can feel his soft scoff when he does so, right before losing yourself in the kiss. A kiss that tastes like wine and mint, that is making your thighs squeeze together even with his hand almost in between them, and that has you gasping for air when you realice you’re running out of breath.

He lets go of you to breathe, but kisses you right after without losing any time. You don’t get to complain because you’re dying for him to kiss you again, so you just take all his lips are offering you.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve fantasized about this,” he murmurs in between kisses. The hand that was forcing your head against his suddenly leaves the sides of your face and travels all the way to your hips, and you instinctively shift your position on the couch until you’re on top of him.

He kisses you one last time on your lips before descending to your neck and chest, peppering kisses all over your naked skin and nibbling at the flesh of your most sensitive spots. You latch your fingers against his dark locks, pulling him in further as you arch your back.

“Changbin,” you sigh, closing your eyes. He hums in response, and you continue, “it has been a while since I’ve been with someone”.

He smirks proudly against your skin and his cock gets even harder; there is something enticing about you being too unfamiliar with sex these days. Knowing that your ex husband, who you utterly despise now, was the last man to ever touch you, turns him on in unimaginable ways.

He has confidence in knowing that probably no man has ever made you feel the same way he is going to make you feel tonight.

“I don’t know why I am telling you this,” you exhale, your body instinctively grinding against his. You can feel some pressure between your legs, and you get wet just by knowing he is hard. Are you really this touch starved?

“You can tell me anything you want,” Changbin smiles, looking up to you with quite a gaze you hadn't seen before.

You whimper when you feel his lips too close to your breasts, and suddenly the clothes you’re wearing feel too uncomfortable. Not only that, but you take him at his word and your mouth starts talking on its own, without your brain knowing about it. Without making any sense.

“I touched myself,” you sigh, looking down on him while he sucks the naked skin of your flesh. “When I found the videos, I touched myself while watching them”.

He let out a quiet chuckle, and his cock twitches at the sudden confession.

“Did you come?” his voice is low, and raspier than it usually is, “watching me stroke my cock with your underwear?”

You swallow thickly, loud enough for him to notice it. That makes him bring back the mental note he made yesterday, when he realized how receptive you are to dirty words.

“I bet you did,” he continues, and you feel your skin getting warmer with each thing he says. Not only that, but the way he is groping your ass and hips isn't helping you in keeping quiet.

“Y-yes,” it’s all you can answer before your words get muffle with your whines, and your hips acquire a pace of its own against his. “Fuck”.

“What where you thinking while watching those videos?” He removes one strap of your tank top and lets it hang around your arm, placing a kiss on the place that was occupied by it just now. “Tell me”.

There were plenty of thoughts roaming around your head as you watched every video, but there was one that predominated over the rest.

“I was thinking about you, eating me out,” even saying those words out loud makes you feel flustered, but you really can't begin to care. For some reason, the way he is looking at you just makes you want to tell him more, let him know about all the things you've thought. “I was- really, just thinking about having your face between my legs, kissing me and just- you know”.

His gaze darkens when you tell him that, and the fabric of his jeans against his crotch starts being unbearable. He can't spend any more time without knowing how you actually taste and smell, other than those used panties he has jerked off to.

At the same time, though, he wants to take his time with you. He doesn't want to rush anything. He doesn't want to jump straight into it. He wants to savor it, just like he spent doing it the past months when all he had was your underwear and the faint smell of cologne you always left around the apartment.

“Yeah?” he purrs in a way that makes your whole skin get cover in goosebumps. He sounds so good when he is aroused, you wonder if he sounds this nice when he is being pleasured.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “I want- that”.

He stops himself for a while, and looks directly into your eyes.

“Do you want me to taste you?”

You nod almost immediately, and you think it's pathetic but Changbin finds it endearing how desperate you are. You really haven’t been touched in a while, he thinks.

“But first,” he guides his hands to the hems of your tank top, and he pulls it up higher as a way of motioning for you to take it off. You follow compliantly and raise it over your arms, discarding it somewhere next to the couch.

Changbin stares at your breasts, and then makes eye contact with you. He holds a teasing gaze that is making you look away timidly.

“Pretty,” he whispers, tracing the lace with the tip of his index finger. “You wore this for me?”

You know he doesn't mean to embarrass you, but the way he is bringing it up makes you feel shy. What else were you supposed to wear? The sports bra and high-briefs you wear on a regular?

His fingers graze against the hems of the short’s waistband and he pulls them down slightly, only to find a pair of laced panties that match the bra. He chuckles softly, but cockily, and that only makes your skin get even hotter.

“Of course you did,” he murmurs, with such a teasing tone that you're not sure if you like it or you hate it. “What else have you done for me, hm?”

You stare at him while he sneaks a hand inside your pijamas, between the fabric of your shorts and your underwear. Two of his fingers come in contact with your clothed pussy, sliding them along your slit while he quietly groans.

“All of this?” he asks you, getting his hand out of your shorts. His fingers are glistening underneath the dim lights of the living room, and you’re surprised at how wet his digits are —you can’t recall a moment in which someone has made your body react like that. “Just for me?”

He loses no time into guiding said fingers into his mouth, he loses no time guiding said fingers into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around them and sucking them off while letting out a soft groan. There's a faint taste of you in them, but it is not enough. Nothing will ever be enough other than tasting you himself, to drag his tongue against your pussy and have you coming all over himself.

So, with a quick movement, he switches the position yet again and sits you right on the couch, kneeling in front of you while he drags your shorts and underwear off of you.

No matter how many times Changbin fantasized about this sight, none of those thoughts compared to the real you. The one in front of him right now, with his legs spread and his cunt soaked.

“Fuck,” he murmurs quietly and, for a second, fear fear washes upon him. What if he gets to finally taste you, and he loses control of himself? What if he comes in his pants right there? He is nearly about to come untouched, and he fears that your taste might trigger his release.

He wraps both of his arms under your thighs and pull you closer to him, making you slide against the couch in a much more comfortable position for you both.

“Is this what you thought about when you were touching yourself?” Changbin asks you, feeling his breath too close to your core that you’re desperate to pull him against it. “Having me between your legs like this?”

You nod eagerly, anticipating the contact of his wet lips against your pussy. He is so close, you can practically feel his nose brushing against your clit.

“Please,” you whimper, your hips grinding ever so slightly against nothing.You’re desperate for his touch, and he is just as desperate to touch you.

He looks at you, and then at the sight in front of him. Never in a thousand years Changbin thought he would have you all for himself. You, the woman of his wildest dreams, the mother of the kid he babysits as a side gig.

Changbin would be lying if the whole age gap situation didn't turn him on even more. It's not particularly the reason why he got so fixated on you, but it was definitely something that he couldn't ignore. You being older than him only fueled his desire to pleasure you, to prove to you that he is better than every man you can think of.

However, he thinks you're conflicted by it. The age gap. You were so reluctant to fall into his charms that you thought it had everything to do with the fact that he was way younger than you. Which partly, it was.

But truth is that the whole thing turns you on too, despite you trying to deny it to yourself.

“You smell so fucking good,” he whispers underneath his breath, digging his finger tips on the flesh of your thighs. Your heart is going at a thousand miles per hour, and you are impatient to feel him against you. So impatient you latch your fingers onto his hair, and guide him even closer to you, until his nose finally makes contact with your sensitive bud.

“Please,” you beg weakly, one more time.

And the next thing you feel, is his tongue lapping at your slit while the tip of his nose presses against your clit even harder, making you feel a weird but pleasant stimulation by doing so.

“God,” he groans against you, gripping your legs harsher. You can hear him moaning and hissing against your pussy, devouring it, licking and kissing every inch of it. He is kind of messy with it, but you adore it. “You taste- fuck, you’re so good”.

You arch your back against the couch, tightening your legs on either side of him as much as the grip he has on you allows you to.

“I want you to come all over me,” Changbin tells you, spitting all over his fingers and your pussy. “Show me how much you’ve thought about this”.

He then sinks his middle and ring finger inside your cunt, feeling your warmth and the way your walls clench around him. You’ve fucked yourself with your fingers, countless of times. But they can’t compare to the way his feel, how much thicker they are, how better they fill you up.

“Shit,” you murmur, furrowing your eyebrows and closing your eyes when Changbin’s tongue makes contact again with your clit, licking it and softly sucking on it while his fingers. “Just- like that”.

The noise his fingers make every time he thrusts them inside you, and your moans combined with his only send you closer to the edge, reminding you who is the man between your legs and how deliciously he is wrecking you.

“Who would’ve thought we were going to end up like this, hm?,” Changbin groans, staring right at you while sucking on your clit. “With you practically grinding your pussy against my face in the living room of your apartment?”

You moan at his words, and keep on bucking your hips against him.

“Did your ex husband ever did this for you, right here?” he asks, and when he feels you clenching almost aggressively around his fingers he realices he’s just discovered something. “Did he taste you like this?”

Because of his job babysitting Jihun, Changbin is fully aware who Kyungho is. They know each other personally, and you've seen them engage in small talk every time Kyungho comes to pick up Jihun to spend the weekend with him.

You don’t see the point in thinking about your ex husband right now, but you find it hot when Changbin is the one to bring his name up.

“No,” you whine, gripping his hair with one of your hands while the other grasps the edge of the couch. “He didn’t”.

“Was he good?” Changbin asks, tilting his head at you. “Was he better than me?”

You shake your head, desperate to come, “n-no”.

“No? He wasn’t this good?” There’s a cocky tone in his voice, and you love it. You love how confident he is getting now that the topic is on the table, and because of how honest you’re really being. It is definitely true —your ex husband wasn’t this good at eating your pussy.

“No!” you gasp, feeling your orgasm getting closer and closer with each word that falls from his lips.

“Who would’ve thought,” he chuckles lowly, offering you a tempting smile, “that men your age can’t make you feel like I can”.

“F-fuck, Changbin,” you feel a spark of electricity that starts on your core and drifts all the way to your feet, making you tremble underneath his hold. You’re almost there, but for some reason you’re trying to hold it in.

As if you wanted to live in this feeling forever, in the sight of Changbin’s dark eyes staring right at you with a desire that you haven’t been able to find anywhere else, in any other man.

“Come for me,” he tells you, fucking you even faster with his fingers. “Make a mess, I need you wet for my cock”.

Him and his fucking dirty talk. It leaves you with no time to process anything, as you’re now coming undone for him, riding his fingers and grinding your hips against his palm while you try to hold tight to the couch, doing everything you can to endure the stimulation.

“Don’t run for me,” Changbin groans, forcing your legs open and holding your right in place. “I know you can take it”.

A sharp, painful moan escapes your lips and your body jolts right in its place, with him still between your legs. Waves and waves of pleasure wash upon you, debilitating you and making you feel dizzy. This is the hardest you've come, ever, and there's no doubt of that.

“C-changbin,” you whine, matching the slow pace of his thrusts with the movements of your hips. You're descending now from your high, and you're again looking forward to feel that ecstasy again.

“Look at you,” he murmurs, smearing your wetness with his fingers. He gives you a soft slap to your pussy that makes your body shakes, and he smiles at how overstimulated you are. “You’re so wet, my cock is going to slide right inside you”.

Your pussy clenches around thin air at the idea.

“N-not yet,” you tell him, and kiss him when he hovers over you to place a peck on your lips. He kisses you deeply again, fucking your mouth with his tongue, allowing you to taste your own orgasm from him.

“Not yet?” Changbin purrs, biting your lower lip and pulling it just enough for you to whine.

“I want to suck you off”.

As desperate as he is to bury his cock inside you, who is he to say no? It’s comically how it all happens too fast, but in the blink of an eye you’ve already swaped positions and he is now sitting on top of the mess you made on the couch, with his legs spread and his jeans unbuckled just enough to free his clothed bulge.

You kneel in front of him, and your pair of curious hands trace the silhouette of his erection over his underwear. With ease, you lower his clothes and free his hard cock, that is already leaking with precum and it’s warm to the touch. There are several, prominant veins that start at the base and fade right near the tip.

Fuck, it’s making your mouth water.

“Good enough?” he asks you, cockily. Perhaps you’re giving yourself away by the way you stare at him like it’s the first time you ever see a cock —it might be, because you can’t think of any other that’s just as appealing as his.

You just nod and grab it by the base, gripping it tightly while you guide your mouth from the top and all along it. It’s taking him a lot of effort not to bust right then and there, with your lips wrapped around his tip while your hand squeeze the base and part of his testicles.

“Swirl your tongue,” he purrs, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “Get it nice and wet, remember I’m fucking you with it later”.

Like Changbin, you prefer it messy. So you do as he asks you to, you spit on it and smear your own drool all over its length, not caring if you make a mess in the middle.

“You said it's been a long time since you've been with someone,” he groans, kicking his head back and closing his eyes. “But you're still so good at sucking cock. You didn't forget about that?"

It catches you by surprise, but you find yourself getting wetter at the comment. He is not necessarily implying anything, but the tint of humiliation it carries makes you aroused.

“I like that,” you gasp, breathing for air after having all of himself inside you. “I like it when you talk to me like that. It makes me feel kind of humiliated and I like it”.

It isn’t a shocker that his words have an effect on you —yesterday Changbin noticed how weak you are for dirty talk. However, it is a shocker how you trust him with that information, indirectly asking him to do it more.

“Aren’t you full of surprises,” he chuckles.

Perhaps this conversation should’ve taken place earlier, when you two were having a glass of wine. You decided to just go for it, without talking about preferences, likes or dislikes.

It’s not too late to get to know each other, you think. Even when his cock is deep inside your throat and he already made you come once tonight.

“I’m just figuring it out,” you tell him, smacking the tip of his cock against your tongue. Had it been any other time, or any other setting, you probably wouldn’t have had the courage to talk openly about this. “There’s a lot of things I wish to try”.

His eyebrows are furrowed, and his half-lidded eyes are staring right at yours, with his lips parted and a couple of quiet groans escaping through them.

“Tell me about them,” he groans, grabbing a fistful of your hair.

You stroke him softly, coating all his length with your drool and his precum. You can feel his cock twitching inside your fist, and you can also feel how his body spasms every time you squeeze him a bit too hard. You can tell he is close to coming, and you truly wouldn’t mind.

The thing is, you can’t wait to feel him inside you. So you wish to edge him just a bit because there’s something you want.

“Creampies,” you murmur, smiling shyly, while jerking him off. “Not just… creampies but- I want you to come inside me. Watch how it leaks out, knowing it was you who did it”.

You know you’ve hit a weak spot in Changbin when his hips buck against your fist, and he lets out a quiet whimper that shows just how needy he is for you.

He has thought about it, an insane amount of times. But Changbin isn’t in it just for the sake of a creampie, no. He wants to fill you up, completely. To hear you begging for his release, to wrap your legs around his waist and prevent him from pulling out.

Would that be a bit too much to bring up the first time you fuck?

“I can’t wait to be inside you,” he whispers, caressing the sides of your face before putting his thumb inside your mouth. “I want to fuck you right now”.

He stands up from the couch and you follow, feeling a bit confused about the sudden movements. You spent the past half hour or so sucking each other off in this couch, you thought you’d be fucking there too. But it seems as if he prefers a true bed over a couch, and you too, so you don’t say anything.

“This angle is better, right?” Changbin asks you once you’re in your room.

“Huh?”

“The camera,” he replies, grabbing you by your hips and pulling you closer to him. “its placed right above the television, in front of your bed isn’t it?”

You blink a couple of times, trying to understand what he’s all about. Perhaps you're too dizzy from your orgasm and the way his taste lingers on the tip of your tongue, but you're not following him. Still, you nod because he is right —the camera is right in front of your bed.

“I want to fuck you in front of it,” Changbin murmurs, and when the realization hits you can feel your knees going numb. “I want you to go back to this tape when you feel like having my cock inside those holes of you, and I want you to touch yourself watching us”.

You swallow thickly and feel your nipples hardening against his chest, whimpering when you feel the slightest stimulation.

He gives you one last kiss before guiding you into your bed, laying down as you watch how he strips for you.

The way his muscles keep on flexing as he takes off his clothes is hypnotizing. You can see every inch of his soft skin, every curve, every flexed part that demands your attention. You want him to fuck you while he’s hugging you tightly, to trap you between his arms and not allowing you to move.

You want him to use his strength to overpower you, to pin you down and fuck you mercilessly against your own bed.

A bed that you once shared with your ex husband, a bed that will now remind you of that time you fucked with a college student, way younger than you.

“Come here,” he whispers, grabbing your legs and just sliding you over the bed. He then crawls on top of you, positioning himself between your legs while you spread them wide open for him.

God, how much your body turns him on.

“You don’t want me to-”

“No,” you shake your head, wrapping your arms around his neck when he leans over you. “Please don’t use a condom”.

He bites his lower lip when he hears those words from you, and his mind spirals again into this silly fetish of him. Impregnation.

“You’ve wanted this all along, don’t you?” Changbin asks you, pressing his forehead against yours. “I’m sure this isn’t the first time you think about me fucking you raw, letting me come inside you”.

Embarrassingly enough, it isn’t.

“I thought you said yesterday I was too young for you,” he pouts, pressing the tip of his cock against your entrance. Again, you shouldn’t feel aroused when you’re reminded about the elephant in the room, but you are. “Do you still think the same?”

“Jesus,” you sigh, pulling him closer to you. “Don’t remind me”.

“Why not?” he teases you, leaving quick pecks on your cheeks and jaw. “You can’t accept the fact that it’s me who is making you feel this good? Someone that apparently is too young for you, but just made you come harder than your ex husband ever did?”

Again, you grind your hips when he says that.

“I’m starting to think you like me bringing him up,” he chuckles. “Every time I say something like that, you get more desperate”.

“It’s- not that,” you try to explain, arching your back against him. “I don’t- know why it turns me on when you say things like that. When you remind me is you who’s between my legs, someone who is not supposed to”.

“Someone who is not supposed to?” he murmurs, leaving a trail of kisses from your cheeks, along your jaw and into the crook of your neck. “Miss, I know we've thought about this since the day you hire me for the babysitter position”.

The low tone of his voice, and the way he whispers such things against your ear is making you go insane. You need him inside you, and you need him to stop talking if you wish to elongate your orgasm as much as you can.

“Or are you going to deny it?” You don’t answer, which only proves him right. “Don’t go around saying we shouldn’t be fucking, because that’s something you’ve wanted since we met”.

It's only after he finishes when you feel a harsh, sharp thrust of his hips around you, and a sudden stretch that's both painful and pleasant at the same time. He sinks his hips against yours, and his cock bottoms out inside you.

“Fuck,” you groan, digging your nails deeper into the flesh of his biceps.

“You know, that pussy of yours did a good job at coming,” he groans through gritted teeth. “It slipped right inside”.

You moan at his words and spread your legs further, wrapping them around his hips. Changbin gives you a couple of times to get used to his girth, and only starts moving when you ask him to.

“It feels so-,” you want to speak, but it’s practically impossible —you’re too distracted by the feeling of his cock stretching you out. “Shit, you feel so hard inside me”.

“I bet all the other dicks you've had before didn't fill you right,” he groans, thrusting his cock iinside you. “but don't worry, you can have mine whenever you feel like having something worthy between your legs”.

You love how cocky he turns in bed.

“Right there,” you gasp when his cock reaches a particular spot inside your pussy. That spot, that no one but you and his fingers has found before. “Fuck, f-fuck, right there, right there”.

He keeps fucking you for a couple more minutes until he starts feeling your walls clenching around him, similar to when he was fucking you with his fingers. He knows you’re close, and there’s nothing he wants more than for you to come all over his cock.

“I can feel you squeezing my cock,” Changbin hisses, forcing your chin to face him. “Don’t tell me you’re about to come again”.

“S-shit,” you cry. “Yes, f-fuck I’m so close”.

“Already?” he asks you, holding your chin firmly. “Is my cock that good?”

You don’t know what to answer, but his cock it’s the best you’ve ever taken. So maybe yes, his cock is that good.

“And to think that you almost reject me,” he murmurs, his dark, half-lidded eyes fixed on yours. “Now you don’t care that I’m younger than you, do you? Because every time I remind you of it, you clench even harder around me, practically begging for my cum”.

You moan loudly, shamelessly. He is right, and he has been right all along.

“I didn’t think you would give in to me,” Changbin groans against your skin, “but I can’t believe all it took me was to jerk off with your underwear for you to realice that you wanted me”.

It’s embarrassing. But nothing far from the truth.

“I’m- close,” you whisper, feeling the rush of pleasure spreading all over your body. “Please- keep, keep fucking me like this”.

“Open your eyes,” he tells you right after leaving a wet kiss on your cheek. “I want you to look at me when you come”.

It’s difficult when the pleasure is too overwhelming, but you still try.

“If you close them, I’ll pull out,” he wanrs you. “And I know that’s not what you want, so you better look at me while you come. I want you to remember who made you feel this good”.

It doesn’t take you long to reach your orgasm, especially after all the things he said. You grasp onto his shoulders tightly, while your body trembles violently underneath him.

You try so hard to keep your eyes open that they end up rolling to the back of your head, but that sight only makes Changbin’s cock spasm inside your pussy just at the same time you clench around him. He is getting really close, and the way you’re moaning and crying for him is only pushing him further to the edge.

“Look at me,” he demands, right after you’re done reaching your high and collapsing onto the bed. Your arms are still wrapped around his neck, and your legs around his waist. You don’t want him to pull out, you want him to fill you up, to give you all that he has been saving for you.

You stare at him with dazed and glossy eyes, waiting to feel his warmth spreading all along your tummy.

You need him to come inside you, and you need him to know how badly you want it.

“Please,” you beg, grabbing both sides of his face with your hands. “Please come inside me, Changbin”.

The overstimulation is becoming painful, but you’re willing to overcome it as long as he rewards you in the way you want to be rewarded.

“Promise me you’ll keep it all inside you,” Changbin says, his skin glistening in sweat while his dark locks stick to his forehead. “If it leaks out, I’ll fuck it back inside you again”.

“Yes,” you moan, arching your back and pressing your chest against his. “I’ll keep it inside me. Please, just- come for me”.

It’s your weak pleas what really triggers his orgasm. That, and the promise you just made. How you’re willing to keep it inside you, even while knowing the risks of it.

He comes a lot, you can feel it even inside you. He groans, and pants as he comes off his high, hiding his face in the crook of your neck while he tries to stabilize his breathing. You’re still sensitive from your previous orgasms, and feeling him buried deep inside you while he shoots his sticky arousal isn’t doing any favors to the painful overstimulation, but it feels good.

It makes you crave more of him. Even when he is still inside your pussy.

It feels nice to be full. And you wonder when you’re going to get the chance to be fucked by him again.

“Fuck,” Changbin sighs, Pulling out of you delicately, trying hard not to stimulate you further. You whine when you feel the sudden absence of him, and he gives you a cocky smirk. “Miss me already?”

You get up with your elbows and arms against the mattress as you stare right down to you crotch. You can't see it, but you can feel his cum leaking out of you, staining your bed sheets.

“Thought I made you a promise,” you smile, teasingly. “Your cum is leaking out, and I don’t see you fucking it back again”.

You’re surely going to be the death of him, but he has fantasized about you for so long that he is conditioned to get hard any time he sees anything that has to do with you.

Good thing he has great stamina.

And that he is going to fuck you sooner than you’d expect him.

#stray kids smut #skz smut #kpop smut #changbin smut #seo changbin smut

776 notes · View notes

softpine · 4 months

Note

I’ve been wanting to try storytelling for awhile but I have no idea how to do things? Or where to start. I’m a bit of a perfectionist so I’ve mainly kept my stories and ideas to myself. Do you have any advice on how to start?

i have a bunch of storytelling tips in my advice tag, but the absolute best advice i can give you is to literally just start. try your hardest to let go of your perfectionist tendencies and remind yourself that this is a hobby and a creative/emotional outlet, not a job. the only person you need to cater to is yourself!! it always kills my soul to see someone give up on storytelling because they were too hard on themselves or compared themselves to other people and got discouraged. you have to be willing to be "bad" at something before you can ever become good at it (i have my gripes with calling art bad/good anyway but you know what i mean)

if you're anything like me, you'll probably be frustrated by the limitations of sim stories in the beginning. there were so many ideas i had to abandon because i didn't know how to make poses, objects, tattoos, etc. to make my visions come true. over the years i've learned SO MANY other skills that have helped me with storytelling, but you have to be patient with yourself and learn things one at a time. i have seen people get overwhelmed by trying to learn everything all at once and they think there's something wrong with them for not "getting it", when the truth is that a ton of us on simblr have been practicing for YEARS and are still learning every day (i've been here for six years and there's still so much stuff i'm in awe of people being able to do, because i have no idea how!) it's cheesy to say, but this is an art form like any other; we all start out with limited abilities and we develop more over time (example...)

to wrap this up: i would LOVE to see more new stories on simblr and i hope you'll give it a shot!! i would love to help you start in any way i can. if you need advice, if you need someone to make you some custom cc (within my skill set lol), quick poses, or editing help, etc. i would genuinely love to help you out. i would also love to just talk to you about your story/characters if you need someone to bounce ideas off of!! 💖

if i sound like i'm frothing at the mouth begging you and everyone else to write a sim story, that's because i am jfkjsdsj

#anonymous #asks #nonsims #brandi answers

71 notes · View notes

shhh-secret-time · 4 months

Note

HIII could you do Kyle x reader where it's a soulmate au?? plsss and thank uuu

Anon you were so patient with me! Thank you! And thank you for requesting my favorite boy! I'm so down bad for the sweet red head.

Warning: Strong Language, Tooth-Rotting Fluff

Pairings: Kyle x GN!Reader

'Oh my god! I'm going to fucking kill him.'

The tips of your fingers traced the golden ink like sentence on your palm, watching as the cursive font danced across your skin. It happened every morning at eight on the dot, a new sentence would sketch itself into your skin. When it first happened, you thought maybe someone drew on you when you weren't paying attention, especially since the next day the words changed. But the font was beautiful and shimmered in the light, what pen could do something like that?

Later as the years went by you learned that apparently you had a soulmate, and these were their thoughts. Whoever they were scared you sometimes with the things they thought about, usually very violent thoughts. It made you wonder what type of person they were. I mean you were sure they wouldn't act on it; you've thought tons of things but that didn't mean you were a bad person. It almost made you wonder what your soulmate thought of your inner voice.

South Park was a small town, not many people chose to actually live in a town that was riddled with a backwater run down mentality. It was famous for all the wrong reasons, but that meant everyone kind of knew each other, or at the very least of each other. The kids you went to elementary with followed you to middle and you followed them to high school. Now here you were in community college sitting in the library with the few people you could call friends.

Bebe Steven's was the first person to call you a friend, so her friends became yours, adopting you into their little group. A close-knit group of people who cared about you, what more could you ask for?

"I can't do it anymore Wendy, please!" Speaking of the blonde, the poor girl was slumped over the table with her cheek pressed into the math textbook. Her bottom lip was poking out and if you didn't know her so well you would swear those crocodile tears were real.

"Bebe you barley passed the last test, and that's because you were copying off of Nicole!" Wendy sighed as she gave into the pitiful whine of her friend, reaching over to pat the top of her curls.

"I knoooow but can't we just have a little break? Pleaaaase! I need to spill some tea!" Bebe sprung up and you knew what was coming. Bebe had a secret weapon, the most powerful puppy eyes in South Park. Before Wendy could avert her eyes, she delivered the killing blow. "Please Wendy? Just ten minutes~ it's super hooooot tea~."

You smiled softly at the both of them, shooting Wendy a look of pity as you watched in real time her lose the internal battle. Wendy's shoulders slumped forward, and she finally smiled.

"Fine...ten minutes and then we're going back to work."

"Yes!" Bebe cheered as she threw her arms around Wendy, pulling her into a tight hug. "SO, guess who found their soulmate!"

You tensed up at the subject maybe without even realizing it, you pulled your sleeve over your palm and held it up to your mouth. You had a horrible habit of chewing on your bottom lip to keep yourself from protesting the conversation.

"Who?"

"Mercedes!"

"Like...waitress Mercedes?"

"Yeaaah! Ugh she's so lucky! I wanna find mine already! At least you're in the same boat I am." Pulling herself from Wendy, Bebe turned to look at you with a smile.

"Y... yeah. Wait Wendy is too, isn't she?" You muttered past your sleeve.

"No! Wendy already knows hers! She's just not doing anything about it!" Bebe sneered and crossed her arms under her chest, her lips pursed into a pout.

"But...why?"

"I just want to focus on me right now. School is important and I don't know, I've got time." Wendy replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

You stared at her in awe, there were times when you couldn't help but admire her. Wendy seemed like she had it all figured out, like she knew what she wanted from life and wasn't afraid to grab ahold of it.

Maybe you should take a page from her book, start doing things for you. The fear of your soulmate being some terrifying violent person shouldn't stop you from at least trying to find them.

It was as if the conversation was breathing life back into Bebe, she perked up and grinned at you. But when your eyes met hers all you could see was the mischief in them, if you didn't know better you'd swear it was excitement.

"Apparently the closer you get to your soulmate the words on your palm with change! You'll be able to tell what they're thinking in real time! Haaaave yours changed yet?" Bebe sung out, her hands reaching across the table to gentle take yours.

She flipped your hand over, so your palms were facing up, her beautiful done red nails seemed to contrast yours. She traced them across the font on your palm with a hum. "Or are you like Wendy and you're waiting? You've gotta know right?"

"N...no I don't. I've been-", you stopped and bit your bottom lip again, "... kind of afraid to find out who it is."

"What? Why?" Bebe took your hand and gave it a squeeze like she was trying to reassure you to keep going.

That's when you pulled your sleeve up the whole way so she could see the rest of the sentence. Their eyes widened and silence fell over the three of you. You kept your eyes on your lap as you let them read it so you missed Wendy's little head tilt. The words ringing in her ears like she could hear it. No, it couldn't be...could it?

"Well, they're just thoughts, right? It's not like whoever it is will actually do it! Come on hun you can't let that stop you! Just, like, pay extra close to your palm today! There might be something sweet on there if they're nearby!"

You furrowed your brows at that if they were nearby? Maybe it was a little harder to tell when everyone in the school wore gloves because of how cold it was, you included. After a few moments of debating between everything you nodded at her and decided you'd keep your gloves off today. With that Wendy's phone chimed letting your little group know that your ten minutes were up, and it was time to get back to studying, but now you were out of it. You couldn't focus on learning anything else but your palm, watching the font like if you blinked you'd miss it.

But nothing changed, the threat on your palm stayed for the rest of the study session. With a sigh you packed your things and got ready to leave the library, the girls hugging you tightly as they went their own way. Leaving into the halls of the school, passing past other students whose voices seemed to fade into the background. But despite your attempts to smother everyone else out, no one could really tune out South Park's famous boys. Stan and Kyle were standing by their lockers talking and for once it was Stan that seemed to be getting under Kyle's skin.

"Dude, this is the fourth time you've blown me off! Come on, we made these plans last week!"

"I know man, but the band needs me! We've got a gig coming up and we have to get more practice in! I'm sorry Kyle, I'll make it up to you!" Stan shot him an apologetic look.

Kyle sighed and simply rolled his eyes, "Sure dude, one of these days I'm going to cash in all of the times you said you'll make it up to me."

Stan let out a laugh and wrapped his arm around the taller man's neck bringing him down to his level. You smiled at the both of them, you didn't know Stan very well, but Kyle was always nice to you. You admired the fact that he always spoke his mind, whoever his soulmate was had to be the luckiest person on earth. Not only because of how sweet he was, but again he always spoke his mind, there was no guessing at what he was thinking. You peered down at your palm again and blinked in surprise, it had changed.

'He's lucky he's my best friend.'

Oh. Oh.

'Are they looking at me? Do I have something on my face?'

You could feel your heart rate pick up, eyes bouncing between your palm and Kyle. Your head was now on a swivel looking around as if the answers would emerge out of the many groups walking around. When Stan broke away from Kyle with his guitar on his back, the red head began putting his books away. There you stood, glued to this spot watching him with intense eyes. So, when he turned and saw your passionate gaze he couldn't help but flinch on the spot, but he couldn't tear his eyes from you.

Your palm changed again. You couldn't believe it. Just a minute ago you were telling your two best friends about how you were afraid to meet your soulmate and now here he was. This felt almost too cliche, like the universe was tired of you trying to run from it. And now here you were standing in the hall, a few steps away from someone who was supposed to be yours. Did he know? Probably not from how quiet you were and how you liked to keep to yourself. So now here you were with all that knowledge and nowhere to run.

'Their eyes are so pretty; I don't know why I've never noticed before.'

Was he trying to kill you? You felt the compliment go straight to your heart, making it speed up. Your face was turning red at his words, even if he didn't say them, you could almost hear them. You felt something in your chest tug you towards him, like your heart was leaping in his direction and demanding that you listen to it. Kyle watched as you made your way to where he was standing, moving through the halls like nothing else matters.

"Um...hey, is everything okay?" Kyle nervously looked down at you, he couldn't help wondering why his heart was racing so hard.

Sure, you were attractive, but that wasn't all you were. Sure, he really liked your laugh when he heard you talking with Bebe and Wendy, and he secretly wished he made you laugh like that. Sure, you had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, but he would never tell you that. How could he? What if you thought he was a freak and oh my god you're saying something and he's not paying attention.

"- so yeah, can you take your gloves off for me?"

"H-huh my gloves? Uh sure." Kyle shook himself out of his trance, he didn't know why you needed his gloves off but that was his fault for not paying attention.

As he removed his gloves you got a glance at his palm looking for any signs of words on his palm.

'I never realized how tall he is.' Those were your thoughts. Your thoughts were on his palm, and he doesn't even realize it yet.

"Did you need to borrow them? Are you cold?" He's asking you with such a soft voice, care laced in his tone.

"No no I just um okay this is going to sound really strange... b-but can you think of an animal for me?"

"An... animal? Like my favorite animal?"

"Sure. That works." You chuckled at the confusion on his face, brows furrowed together in deep thought which was exactly what you wanted.

'Fox.' That's cute.

"Your favorite animal is a fox?" You asked looking up from your palm with a smile.

"Huh but I... how did-" He stopped. The whole situation came crashing down onto him, his mouth opened to say something, but nothing would come out. So now he just looked like a fish gasping for air.

"Yeah I- wow this is it. I think you're my soul-mate Kyle." As you showed him your palm you almost had to laugh about how many times you've flashed it at people today.

Those deep forest green eyes of his watched the golden light on your palm swirl and change as his thoughts did. The tips of his ears turn red as he desperately tries to keep his thoughts under control, soulmate or not he didn't want to scare you off with stupid shit his brain comes up with.

"Is um...is your favorite animal on my palm too?" No. It wasn't.

'His eyes are like emeralds.'

"You think my eyes are like emeralds?"

"You think my smile is cute?" You shot back with a small smirk making him look away, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

Kyle and you stood in silence for a few moments, hearts racing and nervous shifting from foot to foot. "So, um...my weekend is free do you wanna grab a coffee?"

"I'd love to get coffee with you Kyle~" You let out a laugh, your hand coming up to cover your smile, but it was stopped by his.

The warmth of his hand beating back the chill of yours, they were softer than you thought they'd be. His thumb nervously rubs against your knuckles enjoying the way your hand felt in his, so much smaller but it fit so perfectly. Kyle smiled brightly at your response, a wave of relief washing over him and a breath he didn't know he was holding. He took the first step towards the door with you in tow, a soft glow between the both of you. Something deep inside of you felt complete, like pieces of a puzzle or links of a chain.

115 notes · View notes

princeasimdiya12 · 2 months

Text

Bucchigiri Finale Thoughts

So I watched Episode 12 earlier today and had some time to think things over. And unfortunately, I realized that I didn't like this episode very much. Granted there are a good amount of moments that I did enjoy and contributed well to the main themes of the series. But there were too many moments that I felt undercut my enjoyment of the show. So fair warning, a lot of what I have to say is fairly critical and kinda negative. If you agree or disagree with anything I've said here, feel free to reblog this with your own comments. And if you're not into negativity, feel free to ignore this.

But I will start by mentioning the things I did like.

Just like everyone and their gyoza-making mothers, I loved the final fight scenes. The choreography was well executed and I thought the animation was top notch, both when it came to Senya vs Ichiya and Arajin vs Matakara. I really liked how in depth they went with the fighting sequences and the dark colors fit really well with the tone of the drama of the scene. The emotional range between the fighters felt incredible; the actors truly gave it their all when going about their fights.

And the part with Arajin mustering the power to save Matakara was beautifully done. I was in awe when Arajin brought up how Matakara became the very monster he tried desperately to destroy which really got a crack on his defenses. The sequence of Arajin reaching out to Matakara's inner child to help him out of his despair was gorgeous. Especially since Ara-chan used the Friendship Stone both to help the inner child and later when telling his old friend that he's not alone anymore. That was really great and genuine character growth, especially since Arajin accepted that he was in the wrong for leaving him all the time.

And as I mentioned in an earlier post, I did love the first scene with Arajin meeting Matakara for the first time. But as a twist, it was Arajin who was inspired by Matakara's dedication to being a Honki Person and volunteered himself to train alongside his new friend. That was a great twist and it adds new depths to how Arajin was actually inspiried by his old friend and not the other way around like we believed for so long.

So those were the parts that I genuinely enjoyed. Now for the parts I didn't really like..

On one hand, while it is nice that Zabu wasn't brutally beaten to subconsciousness, I do kiinda wish that he did have to be hospitalized. It just feels so off-putting how he's relatively okay despite being brutally mauled by Matakara only a few hours ago. Especially since Marito and Kenichirou wound up in the hospital after losing to Matakara. Plus I feel like it undercuts the drama and severity of the situation by having Zabu be fine enough to look for Matakara. It doesn't help that he and Komao don't really do much apart from running around trying to find their friend.

Also, I hope I'm not the only one but did anyone else feel uncomfortable with this scene?

I understand that Mahoro did it in a desperate bid to bring her brother back but the way she described Kenichirou here was just... gross.

Not insane, not weird, not quirky, not even ridiculous.

It was just gross for me to see her dehumanize one of the few dark skinned characters on the show. Even if he's not black/black coded, it still rubs me the wrong way that she would say those things so casually. Especially since Japan can be really casual when it comes to making racist/offensive remarks to brown skinned people in it's media. Plus there are tons of other ways she could have referred to him without calling him a gorilla. Like meathead, blockhead, oaf, ogre. Any other insult could have worked and been more acceptable than the ape insult. And it's unfortunately consistent since she did call him a gorilla during the Gang War Arc.

And then there's this part...

I don't know if it was Mahoro's doing or if that's what the original nurses did, but it was just uncalled for. Both for the unspoken racism and for how it doesn't even apply to Kenichirou's character. Out of the three banchos, he's always been the least violent and was always shown to be tranquil and easy to work with, unlike Marito and Akutaro who were more unhinged, wild and violent in comparison. There shouldn't be any reason for him to behave so violently that the staff would resort to shackling him like an animal. Especially given how defeated he looked when Matakara beat him in a fight.

Another reason why I dislike this scene is because the characters involved (Mahoro, Marito, Kenichirou) do nothing to contribute to the final duel between Arajin and Matakara. None of these characters actually show up until the end when Matakara apologizes to everyone. You could have made it so that during the apology scenes, the two gang leaders could have shown up while covered in bandages or crutches. There really isn't a need to show us Marito waking up since we could get that later on in the end with Matakara apologizing to Siguma Squad.

The same can be argued for Zabu, Komao, Outa, Jabashiri and Hagure. Even though they spend most of their time hunting down Matakara and Arajin, they don't exactly contribute to the final duel or offer any words to the main heroes. They just show up and the duo resolve their problem like nothing.

Regarding Ichiya's secret of him dying, while it's not the worst reason for him to be so insistent on fighting Senya, I do wish there was more build up or at least some hints to it. It just feels like a random reason for why Ichiya developed his grudge against Senya. It's not the worst reason and it does make sense for why he wanted to die like a Honki Person instead of to a random illness, it just leaves a bad taste to how it happened to him out of randomness.

And wow, Arajin is never going to overcome the internet hating him for being a perverted simp mc.

In a way, it makes some sense since Arajin's character arc was never about respecting women or learning that there's other ways to be a man apart from stealing a girl's virginity. That was never the focus as the story wanted him to confront his mistake of abandoning his old friend and not running away from his problems. That said, this still won't look good for him since fans are going to be turned off of Bucchigiri because of his perversions and how the show doesn't encourage him to change.

And as I've come to realize, the show itself doesn't seem to mind with the characters not growing out of their negative vices. A critique I have is that the show doesn't go out of it's way to challenge the beliefs of these characters or push them to grow into better people. Arajin is perfectly okay with being rude to everyone while pursuing a girl just so he can lose his virginity to her, Mahoro continues to lust over her older brother and has no interest in anything else, Marito is still a bloodthirsty bad boy who lives and breathes fighting, Kenichirou doesn't mind repeating high school as long as he gets to run Minato Kai, even Yayako prefers to act like a bubbly airhead rather then act like a responsible and respectful adult. And even with Matakara's corruption arc, he doesn't really recognize how harmful his idolization of Arajin was since the focus was more on his loneliness and trauma of being alone. Maybe because I'm spoiled by Mob Psycho 100, but it saddens me to see how these characters don't grow into better people or make an effort to change themselves. Especially since there can be potential for all of them.

And while I'm glad that Arajin and Matakara were able to become friends again, it feels like a letdown that there's no build up to it. It just rushes straight to them becoming friends again without acknowledging their negative attributes. Th same with puppy boy getting everyone to just accept him with no repercussions or consequences. It feels like letdown as there were no serious consequences for his actions. Like he could just go on a despair-induced rampage again and they'll just keep accepting him. On paper it's rather wholesome, but it does feel contrived if everything just works out without problems or how Matakara doesn't need to work hard to earn their forgiveness. That would have been for a greater character moment and to show Matakara taking responsibility for his actions. But we never see Matakara doing that and him being accepted by the gang feels rather hollow. It's technically nice that he has his friends back and that SS won't have his heart on a stick, but it feels hollow.

Speaking of taking non-responsibilities and being accepted by the gangs, Akutaro is now back with the NG Boys and they're accepting of him?

I really do wish we could have had a scene that explains how the heck he was able to win back his old gang despite them professing that they weren't going to let him beat them around like before. It just feels offputting that Akutaro is back in charge and has their respect with zero explanation or even any build up to it. He spent all his time trying out different jobs and activities but nothing to suggest that he wants to go back to his old club again.

Not to mention that this is still bad news for Minato Kai since Akutaro still has his hatred for Kenichirou and still longs to destroy him. And given how he also hasn't grown out of his negative vices, it's more than likely he'll come up with a new plan to destroy them albeit a different approach. Though the other gangs will be aware of him trying to wreak havoc on them again, I sincerely doubt that that'll stop Akutaro from having his revenge. And with the NG Boys and Girls behind his back, he definitely has a shot at it.

Then there's the resolution with the Nyan Nyaight Love segment. While it was endearing with the Receptionist wanting to help out the Customer, I'm just trying to wrap around the logic behind the Receptionist accepting him again.

It doesn't make sense to me how he'd be accepting of the guy who abducted one of your prized cats, lose her, and then just welcome him back with another cat. It's setting up a cycle for the Customer to fall in love with a new cat only for him to become obsessed with her and then try to steal the cat out of "love". And while the show focuses on him learning to lose his shame of visiting NNL, it doesn't try to challenge his dependency on cats for company along with his hostile jealousy.

Is the Receptionist aware of this potential problem and how it can happen again to another cat? Is the manager of NNL willing to accept the Customer again along with the risk of jeopardizing his business? I can't imagine how difficult it must be to promote a cat only to lose it because of a depressed nutjob.

Also, to the anon who was grossed out by Arajin's mom, I'd like to give a complete apology to you for refuting your claims. Because this...

This was not necessary.

I mean, it is interesting to know that Marito shows attraction to girls/women which gives more depth to his character. And while it is weird for him to hit on an older women, it's still technically okay since it is normal for teens/youth to show attraction to adults that catch their interest.

But what isn't okay is Yayako's reaction to his attention.

Again, she is a grown woman getting over excited because a teenage boy is trying to hit on her. And she's okay with this? Like ma'am, not only is that concerning because of the blatant age differences but you're also a married woman (according to the additional info). How are you so lenient with being hit on by a guy who could pass for your son? Like really? I used to think of Yayako as a quirky, wholesome woman who needed to not let her son treat her like trash. But now I'm seriously questioning her values and how she treats everything in her life like a soap opera.

In regards to Mitsukuni being in a coma and waking up, it was... okay. Like I'm happy that Matakara will get his big brother back and they'll be able to move into an apartment like they wanted to. But I feel that the reveal of him being in a coma undercut alot of the emotional turmoil Matakara went through. I don't know, it just feels rather hollow knowing that Mitsukuni was always there and was going to make it out alive while his little brother was running around like a war machine. It's conflicting in all honesty.

But what isn't conflicting was how much I really didn't care much for Senya returning in the last shot. I wasn't moved by Senya showing up in the last scene or how Arajin secretly missed him. Maybe it's because of how Arajin constantly yelled at him or acted like he didn't care. And while he does care in his own way, I just felt disinterested in the reunion and I had no strong emotions of Senya returning. It doesn't help that the part with Senya and Ichiya "leaving" didn't really have alot of emotional depth to make the reunion more impactful. Senya not coming back would not have me upset.

And those would be my thoughts on the final episode. For those who stuck around to read all of this, I thank you for doing so. And to those that stuck around, I apologize for the excessive negativity. And like I mentioned above, you're more than welcome to reblog this with your thoughts and whether you agreed, disagreed or have something to say regarding my post.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this along with my other posts for this ridiculous show. Your feedback means alot to me and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Nana na na, Nana na na, Nana na na na na...

32 notes · View notes

i-am-autistic · 4 months

Text

This is an ST rant I been meaning to do for a while

Honestly like the best part of being in fandoms is all the different thigns people create like......idk man Im not even often made to feel bad for the things I post except one or two that I block occasionally. But I see a lot of like Billy fans get a lot of shit and it's like I never gave a shit for Billy and he gave me the ick immediately(as a character in the show). But he was a character for 2 seasons, and enough of him was explored that was sympathetic and relatable and a different view into abuse than any other character. I never understand people who are befuddled that Billy has a fanbase.......like he is a major character in s2 and s3 obviously he has a fanbase. It's incredible to me people think that you can separate parts of the show as if the same writing room and the same writers aren't coming up with it. Im a Jonathan fan and for a long time any engagement about him was like this too....people don't remember that S1/2 Jonathan got treated just like Billy. Now that there's a decent contingent of Jonathan fans on tumblr and reddit and such you can actually talk about and engage with the character but in s1/s2 the only way to do it was to search AO3 tags because his tumblr tag was dead and everyone on reddit hated him. And it's just like you can't take out one part of the show(especially characters that are so crucial to their seasons) and say this is evil and not part of the show and all these other parts are fine and cool and cute and memeable but this other thing is so ugly and should be ignored. Which is the reaction I feel some people have to certain things in shows they like and it's such a 2024 response to shit but like can we just be normal about shit PLEASE. You can like a character who has done heinous things man, it is a fictional character they are literally made to be liked and reflect real life people. You are literally allowed and hella valid to do this even if the fanbase is small and people don't want you to and people don't get it and are constantly shouting at you not to. It's literally fandom there is more important things to fight in the world than fans of things that make you uncomfortable in a Netflix show. There is nothing at all wrong with liking a character and relating to one who has done something awful or creepy or nasty. It is literally not real, the actions are not real, there is no real crime, no real victim and no real aggressor because it's not real. Seriously all characters are somewhat of a reflection of the writers and their experiences and play a part in building the world out.....yes even the awfully written ones and the bad racist stereotype ones. and the ones that happen after the show or book series or comic or movie series or whatever "got bad". Those are still part of the story and part of the world. I feel I should clarify Im a brown person because IK people will assume and say awful things in the replies if not. And I'm sure this will still get some hate but I'll just block I ain't responding to shit, if you send stupid stuff in the replies it's just sending hate mail Im just deleting it and not responding.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk (I've wanted to do a Billy post for a while but I don't have a ton of stake in the character so it kept getting pushed back. I hope people who interact with my posts don't stop or block me because of this :(. I understand there is a lot of animosity towards the character but I think that's just sad because it drowns out a lot of discussion about him. I hope it will be understood this is not an endorsement or defense of his racist stuff and bad character traits)

#jonathan byers #Billy hargrove #stranger Things

20 notes · View notes

rin-and-jade · 1 month

Note

Okay, so we've tried several times to write an ask, and each time we just..stop ?? So this time instead of explaining in detail n shit and saying how much we're sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, I'm just gonna write :/

So, we're kind of stuck, in the sense that idk if I'm/we're(both pronouns feel wrong lol) a system anymore and,wdk what to do about it.

Because basically 5-6 years ago, when we were around 10(i think, but at this point i only know the story through the "telephone" of our retellings) our brain tried to just.. get rid of most of the DID. I'm not even ducking kidding, i think it tried to lower barriers and smush most of us together, to the best of it's ability. From what I've gathered, it planned on shoving all our trauma deep down in the innerworlds, and hiding them from the main kid. Like, getting rid of thousands of fragments, banking them in little crevices of our brain etc.

That procedure was supposed to make it so the main kid could have more of their life for them- without access or even knowledge of the sheer size of the abyss and pain in background, and thus being less affected by it till they were old enough to deal with it. Idk how to explain really, especially since i myself barely understand.

In any case, it went wrong. I don't know why much, as our memory has increasingly deteriorated since to the point i have nearly no knowledge left. I'm not sure even all that ever happened, because maybe I'm just inventing stuff and creating a story were there is none, and I'm scared that what i know isn't real and just my imagination or smth

And what's left is..me i guess. I kinda feel like a fragment in the sense that i have limited consciousness and just..person-space(if that makes sense ?) I'm not sure if I'm several people, one person, an eldritch entity of kinda seperate kinda not glued together entities.

Idek what i want to be. I want to be a full person, that's for sure, but other than that ? Idk. I'm lost, I'm a mix of tons of different opinions and vague, weak, feelings, and flashes of blurry memories and desires that don't belong to me.

So.. i know you probably can't help, but do you have.. any idea on what I could do ? Or if others have been in similar situations and if it got better ?

This is a very long ask x knows, and it's desperate, and you aren't our/my psychs so I shouldn't just dump this and hope you have answers, and I'm so sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, but yeah.

I'm sorry.

Dissociative disorders do the job, but not perfectly, what you're explaining from the words of "nearly no knowledge left" sounds like retrograde amnesia, where it is near to impossible to remember anything from the past.

I also get a bit on what you mean with not knowing who you are,, that is usually close to a blurry moment? Because everything feels jumbled, its not clear, it is hard to discern wether there's multiple or not, etc. That could sound like it;

Have you been exposed to stress? Especially long term? Has anything awful been happening? Many factors can affect memory and recognizing who you are that can stem from basic needs that are neglected like sleep or rest if you're working for long periods, or deficiencies on vitamins/minerals/nutrition because they also play a part on fending off brain fog which can cause many issues like memory recall or trouble focusing,, or it can be to even deeper issues like stress as i said before, or if it is related to trauma, or any sustained physical injuries but it could be anything really.

Im guessing this is something that didn't happen in such a short time, but i do can give you some stuffs to do for starters:

Write down everything you can notice those feelings, those lingering sense of identity, or vibes, or thoughts, they are truly jumbled and it helps you organize and recognize your situation better if you have a physical record of what you're experiencing

Find the cause of problem If you can, try digging up anything you can find that could be the culprit, maybe before things get too foggy to remember that could serve as clues, and by checking with your current health (physically and mentally and emotionally) and see what could be fixed.

For sense of fulfillment It is overwhelming to know which or where you have to start from if you want to learn more of yourself, while you can do number 1 to jot down things you don't align with, this also gives you some ideas on what could be yours. Start somewhere small, like, how you like your daily morning, or preference in eating food, or the colors you think it looks cool.

It would also be great if you can leave out the tiniest bit of context next time, so my answers for now are rather vague and less pinpointed/specific. Though atleast still can suffice as a starting point to tackle your issues.

You can contact me anytime via ask box or DMs, let's see how things go for you okay?

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #janswersask

9 notes · View notes

callmejod · 1 month

Note

Yey! I love him so much but there is so little for him! Could you do a headcanon for him falling in love again (reciprocated) post potc please- if we pretend he didn't die. Pretty please.

Hohohohohohohoho this was also on my mind for a few weeks

Had to mill it over the last few days, sorry for not responding. I also wrote this for an entire day so I hope you like it.

Kinda oc reader, foreign!reader, James being down bad for the reader , reader being too good to be true

This got really long so bare with me

I don't know if I'm even able to write short fics

So the jist is :

If he didn't die and came back to Port Royal as Admiral Norrgington - he would be happy he got his career, his honor and his purpose back.

Living on the sea has changed him. He no longer could stand this uptight, fake world that Port Royal thrives in. The cravats, the paperwork, the wigs. Fuck, he couldn't breathe most of the time, always sweaty in the thousand-layer suits, head itching from both the powder and the weigt of his hats. Having to sit through those god awful formal dinners, balls that bring nothing but superficial gossip was nothing but pure torture. Don't get me wrong - he's grateful for being able to even attend them, but the honest, freeing way of pirate life has broken him out of the cage of chaperoned conversations with ladies and standoffish men making fools out of themselves. He remembers the joyous dancing, full of fluidity and life, now having to endure stiff, distant and "civilised" english dancing.

One day, while having a conversation with one of the Ports ministers he hears about a merchant who's come from afar. He knows of your stay at Jamaica. He had a few documents regarding your long stay brought to his office to sign. Your ship suffered damage in a run-in with pirates and had a lot of repairs to do. A gorgeous vessel. He wonders if the captain is as handsome as their ship. Hopes he gets to meet you before you leave. You only arrived four days ago, and already the talk of the ton. Impressive.

The men described you as lively, wild as a tropical storm. The ministers complained about your accent, your way of dressing, your carefreeness, anything they can put a pin in, they do. James feels quite uncomfortable listening to the convesation not being able to put in anything. He then sets his mind to finding out who you are - he has grown out of judging a person by word from another mouth.

That encounter came earlier than he expected. And to be frank - saved him from a horrible stack of particularily boring paperwork. Having you barge in full-force into his office steaming mad, followed by two petrified soldiers was not something on his agenda. He noticed the few things the ministers mentioned - clothes of unusual cut and style, quite tasteful if his opinion was concerned, hair and hairstyle so different from locals that there was no mistaking you. You were the eccentric foreigner. But fawning over your beauty was for another time - now he had an angry merchant going off about something he both didn't listen to for a while and frankly, couldn't really understand due to your speed of speech.

'S-sorry could you slow down a second. I'm afraid I'm loosing some of what you're saying."

'Sir they need to make an appoin-'

'It's fine gentlemen, this must be urgent if I am needed. Please, let us speak in private.'

After the guards step out, he offers you to sit and something to drink.

'I have no need for no courtesy Admiral. I need a problem fixed. You can skip this stupid charade.'

'Oh, then it is more serious than I've thought. What is the problem?'

'Those - those'

You wave your hand in the air to make him help you find a word.

'Minosters of yours'

'Ministers?'

'Yes! Those idiots. They won't let me handle my own ship the way it needs to be. It needs to be seen by - argh!'

Your frustration runs high. He smiles.

'There's no need to stress. You mean carpenters? Is there a problem with the wood of your ship?'

'Are those who work with wood?'

'Yes, so you need to hire carpenters and the dock officials won't let you? That is strange. You have registered your stay and gave us all the documents we need.'

'But they don't!!'

You grab his forearm and try dragging him out of the office. He slows you down and explains that he will talk to them, just let him take a few things. You scoff and cross your arms.

'You English and your weird rules. Wasting time and not helping.'

He couldn't agree with you more. He smiles and starts walking out. When you two make your way to the port, he has difficulty keeping his pace with you - passersby stare at you storming off to port with their Admiral desperately trying to keep up with you. You sometimes mumble curses in languages he does not ever try to understand, but you two make your way faster than he realised was possible.

There you stomp to an official, who not seeing James trailing behond you shouts:

'Ow piss of ya cunt! I won't let you disgrace our carpenters by working on a ship that carries your kind!'

James is stunned you don't rip his head off when he sees your fists clench by your sides. Anger nips at his mind, how dare he treat you like this?! When slows his pace and asks in a flat voice:

'What do you mean "their kind"? Is that how my officials treat esteemed, foreign guests? And how dare you use such language to a person that was only looking for your help.'

The man's face whites and he starts to stutter an apology, but James stops it and sends him to get carpenters. Admiral's orders. When the official slips away to fill his duty, James turns to you and starts profusely apologising for the incompetence of his subordinates.

He's horrified when you inform him, that this is not the first - ha!, only time of being mistreated because of your looks or manner of speech. Anger boils in him when he hears that not only you, but majority of your crew had to endure this for a while now, accomodation denied not by matter of the lack of, but prejudice. Before he even thinks, he immedeately offers you a place in his home - something that brings surprise to you both. He cannot stand the thought you had to sleep on your ship when there was far grater comforts available.

He flushes red and again apologises for being inappropraite, but gets cut off by your boisterous laughter. The sound hypnotises him, seeing you smile for the first time makes his heart bang on his ribs. You laugh so hard tears come to you eyes and a shortness of breath. He cares not that many are looking at you two or the impropriatey of the situation. Time freezes for him. There's only you and him.

'Oh admiral, you are funny. I cannot leave my men to sleep on the ship when I am given all comforts of life.'

James flushes again and meekly asks:

'Then would you accept a simple dinner as an apology for your mistreatement?'

He almost doubles over when you beam at him and accept. The way you look at him so amused - he would make the biggest fool out of himself just to keep that look in your eyes. You set a date for a few weeks later and James makes sure that your your crew is not being mistreated anymore than they already have. Of course, Gilette and Groves relentlessly teased him for his obvious affection towards you. They weren't surprised though, it was hard not to even tolerate you.

Over those few weeks he started to watch you closely. Both of you were invited for a few balls, and the conversations you two had were the most fulfilling he had in a long long time. Your knowledge of the sea, of literature, politics and history had impressed him and added a new dimention to your person - not only beautiful, but wise.

He saw you many times playing with children on the street, helping people in need, play-fighting with young boys, showing them your battle scars and sometimes even your handpistol or sword.

You brought an air of freshness to the stuffy, ever "proper" society of Port Royal. You smiled often, you were polite to those who deserved it, made an effort to not be a bother. Yet, you never hesitated to get you crew in line when they were causing a ruckus.

Your manner of speech was charming, that certain twang to english and he would be a liar if he denied finding your way of trying to remember words or coming up with new ones when you couldn't was not adorable. Talking with using your hands was also a thing he found endearing. He would deny it to his grave in front of you, die of embarrasment if you knew. He heard that you got into a heated conversation with your first officer, and while talking with using your hands smacked a passing lady in the face. Apologised a lot and brought her an apology gift in form of a few yards of stunning blue silk. The dress she had comissioned to be made of it was breathtaking. But nothing could ever compare to your beauty.

All this was just pulling him into your direction. And when the awaited evening came, James was so nervous about everithing being perfect. You were perfect so your expectations were not to be let down. But, you being you, as if feeling his nervousness arrived early and instead of courtsies and stiff welcomes hugged him like a family member long missed.

As the dinner went on, your conversation flowed over many topics, never ending, never boring. You moved to the sitting room, where to James' torture you sprawled yourself over a love seat and rested. He sat, watching you strech like cat, admiring you quietly. You made eye contact with him and asked :

'James, would you like me to court you?'

He choked on his spit. In a coughing attack, he flushed so red, you jumped to your feet and held his shoulder to try and help. After a while of hacking and a visit from a concerned maid, he stopped and looked at you, not knowing what to say. He saw the unceirtainty in your eyes, even hurt.

'Do you not wish me to court you, James?'

His eyes widened. After years of endlessly chasing Elizabeth's affection, you being so open about it shocked him. He knew he harboured feelings for you but never imagined that feeling would be reciprocated. He took your hands and squeezed them.

'I was just cuaght off guard, dear don't worry. It's standard for men here to ask someone to court.'

'So I'm supposed to wait forever? You have been open with your feelings, but I am an impatient person James. I do not make games.'

'Play games?'

'Is that how you say it?"

James chuckled an held a hand to your face. That prompted you to surge forward and kiss him. For a second, he froze in surprise but leaned into you, sighing into the kiss. You threw your arms over his shoulders and he moaned.

That made you break apart from him and look into the sea green of his eyes. Your warm breath fanned his face, heating it impossibly more. You seemed lost in them and made him nervous that he did something wrong. Seeing his concern, you locked your lips again in a gentle kiss. God, he never wanted it to end. He smiled into the kiss, making you giggle. You two broke apart and looked at each other.

James then spoke :

'I would very much like you to court me, if you let me do the same.'

'Finally making some sense, James.'

#james norrington #james norrington x reader #commodore norrington #admiral james norrington #potc #potc fanfiction

19 notes · View notes

semi-sketchy · 6 months

Note

Frontiers writing really does feel like "okay let's grab what people love talking about online" mixed with hazy memories of what happened in past games without anyone bothering to, you know. ACTUALLY look at what happened in them.

And then a lot of new stuff being added that then, isn't expanded.

Yup. It's dangling keys in front of my face when I know exactly what those keys go to, and it's not what you're telling me. Like I'm not an encyclopedia and I've got an awful memory, but even I know off the top of my head that Eggman didn't stop Neo Metal in Heroes. Considering how much Flynn loves that storyline I'm honestly surprised he got this wrong.

The cutscenes in general are quite shoddy and miss a valuable piece of writing advice: be careful about including normal conversations.

True, people DO talk this way, but the reason we don't write about it and instead condense it to a "they chatted about the weather for a few minutes" is because it's boring.

I feel like I should give the side stories more slack since they're optional, but they're really so meaningless. Well, they're SUPPOSED to mean something, they're meant to build up this mystery, but just asking mundane questions about random stuff isn't really what I'd call "building a mystery." It's just characters speculating about tiny little details surrounding the ancient culture that doesn't loop back into the overall mystery. They're not good foreshadowing and add nothing of value, not even entertainment. They're all so impersonal since they don't even use these little scenes to show how well the characters bounce off each other.

If you want an example of this done well, there's TONS of optional discussions in Xenoblade 3 where the gang just talk about regular stuff, but it's so funny because they don't know what the hell they're talking about. There's one where Sena accidentally invents zoos, it's great and I'm mad no one has compiled them on YouTube yet Of course, there's also stuff to expand on the lore and world building, but they're mostly reserved for everyday antics that highlight the excellent dynamics these characters have.

And that's what makes them good. It's not just "Everyday conversation #16" because it gives the characters a chance to make something a little more personal to them.

Frontiers misses that mark by because it needs these characters to be informational mouthpieces to move the plot and that destroys the concept of character voice.

Tails uses big words to signal that he's the smart one when his actions spoke well enough for him before. Eggman is literally just sitting on the sidelines for 80% of the plot and instead of pulling any strings, he's reading textbooks into audio logs. Like buddy. You have an AI that is totally obedient, why is your order "find me a way out of here" when you're studying this place? YOU are the one coming up with answers and connections everywhere, why aren't YOU looking for a way out yourself instead of sitting on your ass and relishing in a robot punching Sonic? Fucks sake, Sage can activate these ancient weapons, have her USE THEM to GET RID OF SONIC so he can't UNLEASH THE BEAST. This is such a simple and easy way to make the plot more interesting I will not stop harping on it

I wonder if this story will sour on people over time or if in 10 years it will still be praised it as one of the greats.

#ask #sonic frontiers

8 notes · View notes

icedmetaltea · 6 days

Text

Lil update, today is a lot better (just journal ramblings, gonna delete yesterday's nonsense cause I'm gonna guess sleep deprived Metal rambled a lot)

OK FINALLY GOT A SOLID 8 HOURS OF SLEEP, it's raining today so no more damned housework thank FUCK

Emailed the supervisor of the therapist last night (cause she said I could if things got bad and they may be able to get a substitute to talk with me this week) and he was nice enough to get me in for a talk today, just being able to talk through stuff with someone helped a whole lot ;- ;

Found the form I need the doctor to fill out (was buried under tons of letters), confirmed it was the one I need, called doc office to confirm someone else can take the form to be filled on my behalf (or SHOULD, unless they're also wrong) so my sister should be able to bring it over for me bc again I can't go anywhere in car atm

I think it's kinda funny cause lately things have been so bad I've literally been fighting with my imaginary friend. We haven't done that since like highschool!!! Do you even know how stupid it feels to have a screaming match in your head with someone who isn't even real?? Dear lord. But yea we're doing a lot better now thank fuck cause do u even know how jarring it is to have an imaginary friend give u the cold shoulder, like damn even the person you made up won't speak to u. Kinda is important when u depend on said person to take care of things like dissociation when anxiety gets bad

Today is a lot more "lucky" according to OCD brain so I'll savor it while it lasts (OCD brain also wants me to believe the nail polish I wore yesterday made the day go so badly and like... honestly tempted to toss the bottle out after all that shit, I was literally taking the polish off as fast as I could while on the phone realizing the telehealth appointment wasn't gonna be a thing)

Think I may have some kind of nut allergy cause I did notice last night I got that awful lump-in-throat strangle-y feeling in my throat after eating an energy bar with nuts and I had that panic attack on Tuesday after eating nuts. Maybe it's a very mild one??? But then how would I just not notice till now. I've eaten energy bars and had peanut butter sandwiches many many times and never noticed it. But at the same time it's worth a try to see if it prevents the choking feeling, who knows

On the bright side of things, was able to do a lot of drawing for the game! Almost entirely Jack stuff cause I wanna focus on one character at a time 1. so I don't overwhelm myself 2. so I can help idk make them more fleshed out as I'm able to put my all into just one for a while

Gonna play more Anchorhead and maybe read some more moby dick + 20,000 leagues :> (I'm like 40% through 20,000 leagues which makes me sad already... I just wanna read 200 books where it's just nerdy old scientists gushing about marine biology)

#irl stuff #journal #Metaltea talks

4 notes · View notes

kmze · 3 months

Text

Thoughts on 1x12-1x22! Tbh I'm happy to be done with S1 while I liked the nostalgia, I have some gripes with this season and IMO it's really not one my favorites in the overall series (I know that's controversial). The mythology was great and I loved the magical macguffins but it's just so dramatic all the time I felt. My memory of this season is terrible and I had forgotten a lot of movement in the plot so sometimes I felt like I was watching something new. S2 will probably be easier for me to get through. More under the cut and remember these are all my opinion and I am not here to argue about them :)

Yeah I completely forgot it was Anna who turned Logan and her dumb henchmen. Will miss her, she knew how to use minions to not get her hands dirty.

I really felt bad for Jeremy. His relationship with Anna was cute but tragic and then he has to deal with his sister lying to him all the time. Then giving him sad eyes to please forgive her she was just protecting him *rolls eyes* he should have gotten the chance to kill Damon at least once.

I love how uneasy Uncle John makes Damon. He's the only one who is unmoved by his attempts at charm and you can see how much it annoys Damon that he knows EVERYTHING. I also appreciate that John doesn't care that everyone hates him. Just a man on a mission.

It was jarring how long Bonnie was gone but could not help but clap at how she was like 'fuck y'all' when she returned after what happened to Grams. I did not remember this and was very pleased with the development! I also forgot the awful wig they gave her when she returned (thankfully it looked much better in the finale) Kat should have sued.

I swear there was a founding-family-mystic-falls-event every single episode in the second half of the season and that plot device has really started to run it's course for me. Unfortunately I've got at least two more seasons of it I think *deep sigh*

My god do I hate Matt and Caroline, I hate the way they frame EVERYTHING with Caroline having to be ‘notElena’ with him. I especially got annoyed in 1x14 when she had to keep giving him “speeches” to apologize for BEING HERSELF. Especially apologizing for the hand holding like Matt doesn’t constantly make her feel inadequate next to Elena. Matt telling Caroline he just needed to be alone after they found Vicki's body and then when he sees Elena he hugs her is just cruel.

The overall treatment of Caroline this season was honestly the worst part for me. The fact that they have her say "I'm a terrible awful person but I'm working on it" ?? In what context is Caroline an awful person especially on a show where characters are literal serial killers. This is exactly where the "Caroline was annoying in S1 but got better" nonsense comes from. When really she was just a 17 year old girl with a type A personality. This is probably the biggest reason I struggled watching this season. It just all felt very deliberate in the way it was written, to make the viewer think Caroline is annoying.

Stefan was better in the second half of the season but it was so LOL that the moment he started being a little fun Elena was like "what's wrong with you" HA! Of course something was wrong and kudos to Paul because the Stefan-blood-addiction storyline was really well done . I always liked how it was played as an addiction (and even better in S6 when they confirm it was a genetic thing with Lily as addiction is usually genetic). I have seen most of those scenes tons of times but watching them in succession again made me appreciate it again.

I truly don't like Damon :-/ his only purpose for me currently is he makes me laugh. I can't stand how he acts like he knows everything and is orchestrating everything when really he's kind of a moron and extremely impulsive. Genuinely what was his plan killing John and throwing him off the roof at the 8th straight founding family function? I wish Bonnie had kept her energy from 1x22 and killed him.

This is probably just bias and age but I don't care about the triangle at all. It's just kinda there doesn't move me. Stefan and Elena are very serious all the time (there is so much hugging). Then there's Damon and Elena who just eye-thing each other in every scene they share. Though I will say her wishy-washiness made it easier to believe she actually kissed Damon.

Katherine's reveal is still one of the best moments of the series (best part of season by far!) It was so funny watching the scene too knowing it's Katherine and how she just looked all moody as Damon gives her all the details she needs with zero strain on her part. Then when she says to Aunt Jenna "I don't want to talk about it" like a moody teenager LMFAO. I love her.

Lines that made me laugh:

Damon: Let's not kill anyone tonight. Your words. Just pointing that out. (ah the good ol' days when I enjoyed the Damon/Alaric friendship)

Stefan: You mean we did all that dancing for nothing (I know I keep saying he’s too serious but he is funny in a self-deprecating way)

#tvd rewatch #tvd spoilers #S1 rewatch #1x12 - 1x22 #I honestly blame kw the most for the treatment of caroline this season #or really every female character but elena #and ultimately that's probably why he pushed what he did in the finale #but I need to do a full rewatch to really dissect and see if what I'm feeling is correct #especially need to watch caroline's journey #to really understand how much kw and jp were at odds #k rewatches tvd

5 notes · View notes

stinkylittleanon · 2 years

Note

Hello fren could you maybe do hcs for the 12' maincast reacting to a friend coming out as genderfluid?

-🐚anon (I'm probably gonna be back lol, ur very big brained)

I THINK YOU MEAN THE TMNT 2012 MAIN CAST, RIGHT?? IF I GET THIS WRONG THEN PLEASE TELL ME! I'll do the turtles! ALSO I'VE NEVER BEEN CALLED BIG BRAINED, IT FEELS ODD SINCE I ALWAYS CALL MYSELF PEA BRAINED LMAO -------- I'm gonna start with Raph, he's the first turtle I decided to try and research </3 I might take 2012 off my list, I didn't realize how much I forgot about it! --------- Raph!! - He'd be confused at first. What did that mean? - You'd have to explain it to him! ... Repeatedly. Again, again, again. He can't just seem to get a hang of it at first! - Raph ends up getting frustrated with himself (and you a bit) because he can't understanding it - Until you explain it in the DUMBEST way possible! - Then he semi understands! - You seem scared, though, so he'd gently place a hand on your shoulder and smile at you. "While I don't ENTIRELY understand... I'm no jerk- kinda. I accept you for who you are. Heh, I mean- Look at me! I'm a turtle! Who am I to judge?" - AND IT'S??? ODDLY COMFORTING?? - He'll get the hang of it eventually! Just tell him what you're feelin' that day or if you prefer anything and he'll do his best! Just remind him if he messes up! - He'll... Kinda understand better after a month or two! Leo!! - He's also confused at first, but he's way more calm about it and understands it faster. - Leo... Compares it to something he's seen in his show- I'd imagine there's some character in there that's doesn't really follow gender! - Yeah it's not the most flattering thing to say, but he's supportive! - "Thank you for trusting me with this... I promise, I'll do my best to remember. I accept you." - He gets stuff after a week or two, he's a fast learner! - Leo isn't afraid to correct others, he definitely helps Raph remember to use your pronouns and stuff! - If you change anything about your appearance? He notices first! "Oh, hey! Your hair!" - The second worst at understanding, Raph's the last Donnie!! - Donnie understands immediately... Immediately after asking a ton of questions. - He knows what being transgender is! He knows the genderfluid label, he just wants to understand how YOU experience it! - After you open up and explain how you experience your gender and stuff, he'd open up and explain how he feels about his... He might be trans! Donnie just needs to learn more! - You can go to him about gender dysphoria if you experience it (not all trans people have dysphoria!), he's always open to help! - "Thank you for trusting me with this, (Y/n)... I'm always here for you, ok?" - If he ever builds you something? He'd paint a lil' pride flag on it for ya (if you're comfortable with that! He'd ask first!) - Donnie would slip up once or twice but he'd get the hang of things quickly! He's also not afraid to correct people, even if it's some villain they're about to fight! - "You're weak, (dead_name)-" "Uh! Actually, it's (Y/n)!" "O-Oh-... *coughcough*... You're weak, (Y/n)..." Mikey!! - You'd have to explain what it is to Mikey at first, but he'd immediately get it! - There's quite a lot of lgbt things in comics, even old ones, so he'd seen the concept before! - He'd simply ask about the stuff you prefer before looking at you like you're the most important person! - "You're so cool! I wanna be like you one day!" - He really looks up to you and he's so happy that you told him! - You're so strong! In so many ways! He knows how humans can be awful, he's experienced it before... So you've gotta be so strong to be so open about your identity! - If you're still closeted socially then don't worry! He's got your back! - Aggressively compliments you when you need it, using certain terms and all that to make you feel more valid! Which you already are! I tried my best to not force anything onto the label! People experience these things differently so I left it more vague so you guys can comfortably read! >:]

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #2012 tmnt #tmnt headcanons #2012 tmnt headcanons #lgbt #lgbt headcanons #genderfluid #genderfluid headcanons #2012 raph #2012 leo #2012 donnie #2012 mikey #SUPPORTIVE BOYS!!

17 notes · View notes

deadmandreams · 1 year

Text

⚠️: cursing, mention of scars etc.

Three | Four | Five

your hands were hurting so bad. you put frozen pees on them and you hissed as you tried to cover them with bonds. suddenly toji came to the kitchen.

"y/n...I'm sorry about all of this believe me I have to do it-"

"leave me alone toji. I don't need to hear your reasons for this. thought you're better than them but I was so wrong. what I've done in my life that I deserve this? all I asked from this world was a better tomorrow, a better chance for my family, and a better life for my little brother and sister, but in return, I always got hurt. I just don't want this life. if it wasn't for them, I would give up living a long time ago." toji looked out the window.

"yeah, you're right... I'm a shitty person. truth be told I wouldn't come back if it wasn't for my mission."

"you didn't come back for me?" toji looked at you with sucha cold look. it was like he sold his soul to the devil a long time ago and he forgot what would feel like to be a human.

"no. I came back only for my payment."

you felt so cold and alone under his watch.

"I don't know why I expect you to be different from them."

he smirked and looked away.

"anyways I'm not here to waste my time with your preachings. give me your hand." "why should I bother?"

"tsked... you're so lucky that naoya is in a good mood today. I know him very well to say he's being kind to you. by the way don't think I'm doing this cause I'm into you princess, naoya said his plan to me and you can't keep a gun straight with those hands."

"fuck you, I don't need your help bastard." you were running away from him but he grabbed your hands and pulled you to his chest. you were buried in his tight black shirt. he whispered his words to your ears. "this is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna take out small glasses, rub betadine on your scars and I will cover em with bondage and you on other hand are going to keep your voice down and be a good girl for me. you better do as I say or you'll see the dark side of me. and when I show it to you, you wish you were good for me."

"I hate you."

"no one likes you either."

he pulled out beer glasses out of your hand as you bite down your lip.

"ok, you're clean now. the easy part is over." "what do you mean is over? you brought my whole life infront of my eyes and you call it 'the easy part'?"

"don't sweat it princess. it will sting a little at first, but you'll get used to it."

"yeah sure thi- AUCH...AW AW....cut it toji it hurts so much!"

"what are you eight? said so much about how hard your life is but you're almost dying from a simple disinfect"

"you know what? I'm so tired of how you pretend you have the saddest backstory here. face it you just don't care about others."

"what did you say?" he looked shocked, it was your first time seeing him like that. "yeah...you're a fine hitman or whatever you are that is making a shit ton of money and you're so deep into this swamp like others that I bet you're even worst than naoya in inside."

his reaction was flat. it wasn't his first time getting judged by people like this he was used to hearing it all time. but hearing those words from you made him feel something after decades. maybe it was sadness, anger, or a simple desire for being understood by people. he grabbed your chin and made you look him in the eyes.

"what do you know about other's past? you were probably working here your whole life in this shitwhole. you people disgust me, thinking you're better than anyone and judge them without giving them any chance to defend themselves. You're all talk sweetheart, all talk believe me. 's not your fault, you're just like this. You're no different from them. I guess every fucking time that I trust someone, and think we understand each other, they have to let me down somehow."

you saw that look again. it was freezing. his eyes pierced through your soul. you felt suddenly naked. his green eyes were looking so deeply through you like he could see all your desires, hopes, and fears. after that horrifying storm, you saw a part of him so warm and free of this undeniable anger. as if it was real toji was hidden someplace between his layers. wished to see more of him like this. more of his vulnerable part. the part that is still awake not buried deep down his heart. you believed this man is far from what he displays. and you felt bad. you felt bad for all of that cruel words you threw at him. you were sorry

"I'm sorry. wished that I know you at another time and place. maybe I wouldn't be so harsh and crude. maybe this time I won't have to judge and you to hide your real self from anyone. you're right. I am truly sorry for judging you so unfairly." he stilled silent

"is alright, give me your hand. we're not finished yet." you gave your hands to him. he put more betadine on them but as he said, you did use to it. he finished his wrapping and your hands were as good as new, he held them in his

"let me make it all up to you. let's start all over. friends?"

his eyes weren't cold anymore. it was different, good different.

"Whatever."

you smiled and he watched you. what world did to this man that his warm eyes can have sucha cold look?

#toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro x you #toji fushiguro x y/n #toji x reader #jjk naoya #toji x y/n #toji x you #toji fic #jujutsu kaisen toji #jjk toji #jujutsu kaisen naoya

6 notes · View notes

ofstoriesandstardust · 2 years

Note

you most definitely do not need to answer this if you're not comfortable (or just don't want to), but i saw you say you had grown somewhat resentful of the same mistakes universe and i was curious as to why. i am not personally a writer, but i have a fair amount of friends who are and i have seen similar things happen to them with stories they had put tons of time and effort into, for a variety of different reasons. i know a lot of authors struggle with not getting much interaction on fics, and i can imagine putting something out there that you are proud of and spent a lot of time on and then not hearing anything can feel super disappointing, and also a bit like just chucking your stuff into a void??? i know some other friends of mine have stopped writing because the fandom itself sucked and they were getting weird pointless hate for no reason.

I am definitely sad you've ended/taken a long break from the series, because it's clear you put a ton of time, effort, and care into the same mistakes series, and you developed a character that was deeply nuanced and unique, but also youre doing it all for free and for fun (ideally) so you don't owe anyone anything. I'm for sure rambling at this point but basically i have loved reading the series and i hope somewhere down the line you can start writing again for fun and for yourself!

hey!! i am more than happy to talk about this and the only reason I haven't until now because I wasn't sure anyone really cared and I didn't want it to be misconstrued as whining or ungratefulness. this is probably more of an answer than you were looking for but here we go...

before i came into the top gun fandom, I was very used to chucking my things into the void, as you said. some of my umbrella academy stuff got attention, but aside from a few key mutuals, there wasn't a whole lot. and I was okay with it because I was writing for me and no one else.

and then the og same mistakes trilogy caused my blog to blow up and I was very overwhelmed with the extraordinary overnight attention everything was getting. i went from nothing to so much scrutiny I didn't know what to do. I've gotten to meet and talk to wonderful people because of it, but I've also been subject to some pretty awful hate because of it too. and it never stopped. it just kept getting worse. there was a lot of pressure to deliver consistently and constantly and I felt like no matter what I wrote, I was never appeasing someone. there was always someone who didn't like it and wasn't afraid to tell me so.

ultimately i became resentful because if i never wrote same mistakes, then my blog never would've blown up and i'd never have gotten so much hate. i'd still be writing for me and not judging everything i write before it gets out onto the page. i try to remind myself that i never would've met so many amazing people but that stopped being enough after a little while. when I saw others writing amazing things and get the responses they absolutely deserved while I was being tagged in specific posts for writing things that had overused tropes, I started to wonder what I was doing wrong that I couldn't seem to appease anyone. why it wasn't good enough.

i sort of thought that if i took a step back and focused on other projects, like storm warning and flight risk, things would figure themselves out and the hate would die down and I could come back to same mistakes-verse. uhm, things didn't calm down. the hate didn't stop, as people started taking shots at these other projects (specifically flight risk) and my lack of faith in my writing started extending into my academics.

i've always been pretty proud of my academic writing, and as a historian, it's all I have. but when everyone online is telling you it's shit, and has been telling you that since June, it's hard not to view that for all of your writing. i already feel insecure in my field because I'm still new and honestly this was the last thing I needed.

so i decided to take a step back from all creative writing because it stopped being fun and it stopped being for me and I started hating everything I wrote because I knew no one would like it anyways. i hope it starts being fun again because I miss it and I want to come back to Rebel and Sunshine and Cowgirl and Carolina and all the characters that I love deeply but I don't know when or if that will happen.

#kylie answers #i overshared WHOOPS #same mistakes

15 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

ask-tsams-and-maria-blog

Ask all you want!

lumiens

meandmylifeevents

My Life

14saranghae

Winter is coming...

stef-gallery

Welcome