#and I can't sleep and I've had headaches every day this week | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

facefullofsadness · 4 months

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HII SORRY IDK IF REQS R ON OR OFF BUT CAN I REQ GUITARIST DOM NEIGHBOUR YUNJIN X NERD SUB Y/N (FEM)

first of all, yes reqs are open dw. second, ANON IM OBSESSED WITH THIS CONCEPT GRRR FOAMING AT THE MOUTH

content - dom guitarist neighbor!yunjin x nerd sub!y/n (written like "studious nerd" not "loser nerd" like in the sakura fic), smut (rough sex, fingering, choking, degradation, mommy kink, edging)

wc - 1652

a/n - ffos stop writing rockstar!yunjin smut challenge (difficulty: impossible). and when I do a rockstar!au series w a bunch of diff idols just fucking y/n brainless, then what? bc look at the material, rockstar winter, giselle, hanni, yunjin, wendy, phew, I'm dizzy.

all you want to do is study or relax, but yunjin has her own agenda.

I imagine you're some kind of stem or pre-med major where ur head is always buried in books, trying to study and memorize and re-memorize and review all this fucking material. ur always preoccupied with your studies that when u finally get that moment to rest, you really bask in the peace of silence after a long day.

but of course, you can never have good things. bc as soon as you lay back on your couch, ur favorite snack next to you and putting your comfort show on the tv, you hear music blasting from your neighbor. the melody u conclude being an arctic monkeys song (taste jennifer! listen to do I wanna know for immersion :)) which you would enjoy on any other day, if not for the fact that you were trying to relax and NOT feel the vibrations of the electric guitar from next door. that being said, this neighbor had been practicing music EVERY DAY for the past few weeks.

it drove u insane. you have never tried to confront ur neighbor bc you hoped they would stop on their own (maybe due to social anxiety too but that's neither here nor there), but after WEEKS of this perpetual migraine, you had no choice.

building up the courage to walk over to their door and proceeding to practically pound on it, music louder now that you were outside their apartment. you were fully prepared to go ape-shit on the menace that had been tormenting your serenity for so long. but you didn't prepare for them to be hot?!

the music stopping after 3 rounds of your aggressive knocking and finally a red-haired sexy ass woman swung open the door fully, guitar slung on her back and tatted arms crossed, wearing black tattered clothes, the woman towering over you as she leaned forward, looking up at her eyebrow and septum piercings.

you gulped nervously, not expecting such a sight, the ginger raising an eyebrow at you curiously.

"what do you want?" she'd ask annoyedly.

her tone pissed you off and snapped u out of your trance, "for you to lower your music or stop playing."

bold, she thought.

"why should I?" the woman leaned against her door frame, a smirk tugging at her lips.

you huff out frustratingly, "because you've been blasting your music for the past few weeks and I'm sick and tired of it, it gives me a headache and you have no respect."

she scoffs, "aw, is my princess missing out on her beauty sleep?"

you close ur eyes and sigh, regaining urself so you wouldn't blow up, then looking up at the girl's eyes, "can you PLEASE lower the music at least?"

the ginger uncrosses her arms and leans forward again, one hand on the door frame and another gesturing at you, "do I get anything in return for being such a good girl for you?"

u feel chills go down your spine at her words and your cheeks heat up. the sound of her deep chuckle makes you look away.

"fuck you're cute, what's your name?" she tilts her head to the side.

"y-y/n."

"I've never seen you around y/n. you're telling me I've been living next to an absolute babe for the past few months and I didn't know? can't be having that."

your eyes dart anywhere else before you clear your throat, "anyway, thank you, I'll get going now."

"ah, ah, ah, not so fast y/n-ie. I haven't even told you my name yet!" you feel a hand snatch your wrist and pull you back, your body falling into hers.

you look up at the red-haired neighbor, "it's yunjin, jennifer to friends, but you can moan mommy to me."

you scream internally and feel your heartbeat racing. it'd be so fucking cringe to hear it if anyone else said it, but something about the way jen held you and looked at you like her next meal made your lower stomach feel on fire.

"do you wanna know how talented guitarists are with their fingers?" her naughty half-lidded gaze trailed the features of your face, looking so innocent to her, with your large black framed glasses and wide eyes.

"you're disgusting and a pervert miss jennifer," you say, trying to cover up your attraction to her and the situation (failing btw).

you try to pull away from her grasp, her strong hands gripping your arms tighter and holding you close, her face coming closer to yours, "oh please, don't lie and tell me you don't wanna fuck me."

"you really don't have any respect do you?"

"and where was your respect? came pounding on my door, demanding whatever bullshit you just said, didn't even ask me for my name miss neighbor!" a cocky smile spreading on yunjin's face.

"well I apologize but it should be common sense to not blast your music for the entire 5th floor to hear," you roll your eyes, crossing your arms in her hold.

"you look even better when you're angry, maybe I should piss you off some more."

god she pissed you off so much, it's unfortunate the girl was really fucking hot.

"I'm not pissed," you lied.

"no? what are you then? horny?" the audacity really.

you roll your eyes, "can I go?"

jen gives you an annoyingly smug expression and shakes her head left to right before pulling you into her place, shutting the door behind you, and pinning you to it.

"you may not be horny, which I don't believe, but I am now."

her grip leaves your arms and trails your sides. you let out a heavy sigh but try to hold your composure.

"hm? you're not pushing me away? does that mean I'm right?"

she chuckles lowly next to your ear, her greedy hands slipping under your sweatshirt and rubbing the skin.

"sh-shut up," you mumble, turning your head away from her face in your neck, her mouth leaving hot breaths and wet kisses across it.

her calloused fingertips tap against your waist and travel higher, "no bra? was your intention to get fucked so I could change my mind?"

she's so vulgar, like it gives you the ick, but she feels so good, you ignore the bullshit spilling from her lips.

she feels up your stomach and places each hand on your boobs, kneading them eagerly and breathing hard on your neck. you bite your lip to prevent any noise from escaping your mouth. you knew it was wrong, you knew it was dirty, but you knew it felt too good to wanna stop.

"c'mon princess, let it out for me," yunjin would whisper against your skin, her thumbs circling your hard nipples.

your hands clutch her bare shoulders as you feel her smile against your jaw. you struggle hard to hold back a whine as she pushes you into the door using her warm body.

"I have nothing to let out for you," lying again.

"I guess I just have to tear it out from you then," the guitarist says before taking her hands out from under your sweatshirt and grabbing you by the thighs, lifting you up and carrying you to her room.

your body falls against the plush mattress and you watch as the woman slings her guitar off her shoulders, crawling on the bed towards you.

"you may be able to resist how good it feels now, but not after I have my way with you... I won't be the one making so much noise after all."

oh and she truly kept her word.

yunjin's right hand fingers were plunged deep inside your pussy, thrusting in and out at unfathomable speed, while her left hand fingers were in your mouth, shoving them down your throat and making you gag.

your shorts and panties were somewhere lost in her room and if your vision wasn't blurred with tears, you swear your clothes hang from one of the guitars she had displayed on the wall. you sat with your legs wide open on jen's lap, your back against the headboard for stability, tongue sticking out so her fingers can reach deeper into your mouth.

all you could make out were the choking noises coming from your throat and muffled moaning conjoined with it. your cunt was on fire due to the pace at which her digits were ramming into you. your eyes were rolled back and your thighs trembled.

"you sick fuck, you're really enjoying this you know? I know you are, I know you love how rough I'm treating you. who would've known some lowly nerd like you would be into such freaky shit."

she'd pull the fingers in your throat out which caused you to release a deep groan, but return her hand to your neck, squeezing and pinning you against the headboard.

"m-mommy..." you'd desperately whimper out.

a sick chuckle leaves her throat hearing you call her the title she mentioned earlier.

"you may be a whore but you're good at following directions, aren't you princess?" she sinisterly smiles at your fucked out expression, pulling her fingers all the way out to slam them in again, using four digits to plunge into your gushing cunt.

your vision blurs completely as you feel your high coming quick. your back arches off of the wall and your body melts into yunjin's hold.

"cumming already? so sensitive, I don't wanna end it yet," she immediately retracts her hand from your pulsing core.

you whine desperately at the loss of contact and jennifer's grip on your neck tightens.

"listen here little slut, I barely even started. you're going to hold out until I have my way with you, got it?"

let's just say you're not the neighbor making the noise complaints in the next few hours (days? weeks? yunjin realllyyyy liked you).

a/n - guitarists' finger dexterity is no joke (I play guitar so someone plsss hmu :.) aka huh yunjin hit my line im begging you)

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lauriegraham01 · 9 months

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forever & always | erik lehnsherr

pairings: erik x reader, (cherik x reader if you squint)

summary: it's been years since erik abandoned you on the sands on cuba. when fate - or rather a friend from the future, logan - steps in and forces your paths to cross, what feelings will ensue?

w/c: 2,272

a/n: follows the events shown in days of future past, inspiration drawn from "forever & always" by taylor swift. been working on this one for the past week, apologies for the delay, life can be cruel but the storm only lasts one night.

The brightness of the sun was blinding as its rays bleed through the curtains of your room, shining in your eyes prompting you to wake up with a groan. Reaching out for Charles youre disappointed as you feel nothing but the cold sheets where his side of the bed laid empty. A headache settles in within your head, throbbing unforgivably. As you look over to your nightstand you read your clock.

2:47 p.m. Another day wasted away in bed.

You had gotten little sleep the night before. Scenes of sand plaguing you in your dreams echoing the trauma from all that you've lost.

You're on a beach in a Cuba. You don't know yet that it's the end of the world- the end of your world. Black spots cloud your vision. You're losing too much blood. Footsteps staggered as your breathing comes out labored- trying to make sense of what happened.

Erik.

Charles and you had been caught in the crossfire of his war against humans and now you both were paying the price for it.

"Erik?!" Your voice rings clear in his head. He exhales a shaky breath, one that he can't seem to breathe out enough. Charles laid in his arms paralyzed and betrayed. His heart broken at the pain he's caused and remorse washes over him as he sees the man in his grasp slips further away into a world of unfathomable pain. Leaving Charles within Moira's grasp he then makes his way to you. Discarding his metal helmet in the process.

"Y/N." Erik cautiously places his hands at your side. Taking in how much blood seeped through your suit.

“Erik what’s happened to Charles? Is he alright?" With eyes widened, you wait for him to bring some clarity to the chaos that happening.

“Y/N stop. You’re losing too much blood," Erik said carefully. Looking down he sees your hand pressed to your side. Carefully lifting it, he lets out a sharp gasp as he sees the tear in your suit where the bullet pierced your skin.

A choked cough escapes your lip as a bit of blood rushes through the side of your mouth. You feel your knees buckle underneath you and Erik catches you in time, placing you in his arms as you both sink to the sand.

“Erik?” Your voice rings within his head, even telepathically your voice sounds strained, hurt. “Did you do this?”

"I’m sorry, my love,'" it comes out a whisper. Even without your powers you knew exactly where his mind was at. By the solemn expression on his face and the distant look in his eyes you knew that he was leaving.

"Erik, please," you plead.

"I can't stay here. Look at all that I've caused."

"Erik, don't do this. Stay."

"I cant." He says through gritted teeth, the pain sharp on his tongue like a blade.

"You can. You have a family here, you have people who care and love you- I love you Erik."

His face was taut, twisted in a sea of emotions as he thought of the path that he was walking down- and the love that he would lose in the process.

"This is a war that I have to fight alone. I have to go down a road that you can't follow me on."

"Erik, please." You place a hand on his cheek and he closes his eyes and lets out a heavy sigh. Burning the feel of your touch for what he believes would be the last time.

"I'm sorry my love."

He takes your hand and places a kiss onto it before walking away, fading into view with your heart breaking with every step he takes.

"Charles?" You call to him like a ship lost at sea.

"I'm right here. I'm right here darling." His voice rings out softly in your head. By the labors of his breath you know that he's fighting through his pain. You shiver as you feel a coldness drape over you, slumping further into the sand as exhaustion wins its fight over you.

“I’m scared.”

"Stay with me. We'll make it through this together." Charles voice fades out as your vision fades to black.

It truly was a miracle that you even pulled through at all. Hank managing to save you within an inch of your life. An unpleasant feeling sits deep in your stomach as you try to shake off the scenes replaying in your head. Before the guilt of wasting the day away consumes you, you rise up out of bed and make way for the kitchen. The halls were quiet now, faded were the days where students once roamed freely. When the war in Vietnam began, students and teachers alike were being drafted and many never returned home. Wallowing in his grief, Charles closed the doors to the school.

So you and Hank stayed behind in the mansion. Hank tinkered away on his own plans and research and you remained by Charles side as you both tried to process and move through each others grief. When Hank created a serum that gave Charles the ability to use his legs again you had thought things would get better, but time would reveal how wrong you were. Things ultimately took a turn for the worst, as Charles became dependent on the serum and became an alcoholic, he had turned into a version of himself that you never thought possible. He was short-tempered and full of rage at any given moment. Hank got the worst of it, and at times you thought about leaving but you knew that you wouldn't- Charles knew that you couldn't.

Yet, it would be wrong to put the entire blame on Charles for the way things were. The truth was that you too had turned to your vices to quiet the voices within your own head. Falling in love with little thin white lines and drowning yourself in the bottom of bottles, you too had spiraled into your own world of self-destruction just as Charles had. Your relationship hadn't necessarily been the most stable it's been either. It seemed that you and Charles were constantly at each's others throat nowadays but it wasn't always bad days. Despite the screaming matches, both of us turning to our vices, there was still something tethering us together-whether it be love or a trauma bond was becoming unclear as time passed.

As you enter the kitchen, you note the bottles and needles still littering the kitchen table. Charles must've been up all night-again. Fancying a tea you turn the stove on as you fill a kettle with water. you feel the house rumble just a bit. Looking towards the ceiling you can make out heavy footsteps as though someone were being chased. Just then a yell can be heard following a hard crash. Following the source of the disturbance, you enter the foyer where Charles, Hank, or rather Beast, and a strange man come into view.

"Charles? What's going on here?" Making your way across to the staircase where Charles sat on.

"Nothing darling this gentlemen was just leaving," with a scotch in hand he waves to the strange man.

"Afraid I can't do that because I was sent here for you." Taking a closer look at him you note that he's rather tall. He carries himself confidently, head held high in his brown leather jacket.

"Well tell whoever it was that sent you that I'm...busy," Charles trails off.

"That's gonna be a little tricky because the person who sent me here...was you."

"What?" Charles and I let out simultaneously.

"About fifty years form now. Look I kno-I know, stay with me," he pleads with us.

"Excuse me?" Crossing your hands over your chest you look over to Charles and you both share a puzzling look before facing the stranger in front of you again.

"Fifty years from now like in the future fifty years from now ?" Charles quips.

"Yeah."

"I sent you from the future," Charles asks amused.

"Yes, Charles," he says with a roll of his eyes, growing aggravated by our refusal to believe him.

"Piss off," Charles spits bitterly.

"Charles..." you place a hand on his shoulder.

"If you had your powers you'd know I was telling the truth."

With that you use your powers to enter his mind, not expecting what was awaiting you. Hazed memories of the man you now know is Logan, consumed your senses as you traveled within his world of memories. Fear melted on your tongue as you saw the horrors of the reality that the future held, pain and genocides lurking within every corner and within the midst of it-hope. Hope that the future could be rewritten. Voices and faces so familiar yet so unknown, as though you've known them, a version of them.

Leaving his mind, you stumble as you adapt back to this reality, piecing together the meaning behind Logan's memories. Charles immediately stands up to catch you before you fall.

"y/n?" Charles calls, voice shaky as he holds you. Your breath comes out shaky as you cling to him for support. "Charles he's not CIA." Looking up at Logan he meets your gaze with understanding eyes, grateful that now someone believes him.

"y/n-" Hank calls out doubtfully.

"Hank, I know what I saw," you affirm sternly.

"Are you alright? What are you talking about?" Charles desperately searches your eyes for some kind of clarity.

"I'm fine, Charles. He's not CIA or FBI. I got in his head and I-", the words seem to die on your tongue. How do you explain what you saw without seeming mental? "I saw you...but older. From the future."

You swallow the lump within your throat. Charles furrows his eyes in confusion, not knowing what to make of your revelation.

"Erik too. I saw all of us, together preparing for what I fear may be our doom."

From then you managed to convince Charles and Hank that Logan was indeed telling the truth and that he needed our help in ensuring the survival of mutants. The four of you ventured on the plan that Charles, from the future, had set out. Which led you to where you were right now, on a plane seated next to Charles with Erik in front of you. Breaking him out of the Pentagon had been no easy task, but with the help of a new speedster friend, the lot of you succeeded with somewhat minimal damage in the process.

"y/n I-"

"Shut up," you cut Erik off.

He puffs out a defeated sigh as he looks up at you with those pleading eyes of his. You had imagined what it would be like to see Erik again. You spent the best of years waiting for him to come back, to fix what he had broken. You knew you should've given up when news got out of his attempted assassination of the president, but it was moot. A part of you still loved Erik, a part of you still saw the good in him.

"Look I want to apologize for what I did."

"For what exactly? Cause there's a long list of things left unsaid," Charles shoots back bitterly.

"Charles" you mutter and he backs down. You know how hard this is for him too, seeing Erik. Having him within arms reach yet him being worlds away from the man that you two knew and loved.

"He's right," Erik says sitting upright in his seat, "I did things and people got hurt in the process."

Your eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of him, heart heavy with the hatred of his own beliefs and the pain that its inflicted.

“I’m sorry Charles for what happened, I truly am. Not a day passed where I let myself forget it, I never meant to hurt you."

The anger practically radiates off Charles as his leg anxiously bounces even faster. He then climbs up from his seat before storming off passing you and Erik until he disappears from view.

"He'll come around," you mutter.

"I know," Erik sighs. "Charles has a flair for the dramatics."

Your lips betray you as they curl into a small smile. Locking eyes with him you feel the guard you had fought so hard you built to distance yourself from him, rumble threatening to drop into ash.

"I missed you everyday, y/n."

"Erik please-"

"I couldn't escape you even if i tried. You know that better than I do."

"I thought I knew you, now I'm not so sure," you whisper barely loud enough for Erik to register.

Slumping further into his seat, the guilt settles deeper in his bones. He knows he'll never forgive himself for what he did that day on the beach. Yet, sitting here in front of you he wants nothing more than to be able to be loved by you again.

"I couldn't save you.." he croaks. Eyes glossy as tears began to pool his eyes.

"That didn't mean you had to go. Erik, we could've fought through it, together."

“I was too blind to see that I hurt the ones I love. I carry the weight of my crimes every day."

"You don't have to carry it alone." Hesitantly you reach your hand across to grab his. He's still warm to the touch just as you remembered, rubbing smooth circles over his knuckles with your thumbs, you savor the feel of him, having been deprived of it for so long.

"There's still time to make things right."

"I'd like that." Bringing your interlocked hand to his lips he places a kiss on top of your knuckles.

#erik lehnsherr x reader #magneto x reader #magneto imagine #cherik x reader #charles xavier x reader #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #xmen #xmen movies #marvel #xmen fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

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soaps-mohawk · 2 months

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Heyyyy ik ur are tired ,just wanted to ask if you will post a chapter this week ,get well soon

Honey, I am not "tired", I am sick.

Congestion, sinus pain, headache, fatigue, sure my sore throat went away last night but now I have a cough. I can't sleep because I don't want to use my cpap while sick, so I wake every hour either from not breathing or because I'm choking on sinus drainage. (And yes, I sleep at an angle and it still doesn't help any.)

I wrote 600 words of chapter 16 on Saturday when I was getting sick, and I have not touched it since then, nor have I even thought about touching it because I am now fully sick.

I gave y'all two chapters last week. Two. You have no idea how badly I was stressing about Chapter 15 and how close I was to giving up writing and I still got the chapter up for everyone on Sunday WHILE I HAD A FEVER.

Regardless of the extra bonus chapter everyone got, I still would say it's not likely you'll get a chapter this week because I AM SICK. I want to rest and sleep and try to get better because I have things in my real life that I need to do too that I haven't been able to because I've been sick. I'm not even thinking about this fic and updating it right now.

I am begging y'all to remember I am a real person with a real life behind this blog. I get busy, I get tired, I get sick. I do this as a hobby. I post here on tumblr for free. I pump out 7k word chapters every week, and in the case of last week, multiple times a week. It's hard. It takes a lot of work and dedication just to do this alone while I feel healthy and normal, much less everything else I do during the week.

On top of that, Friday is my birthday and I'd like to take that day to do what I want to do and celebrate the crisis of getting yet another year older.

So no, chances are, there's probably not going to be a chapter out this week. I want to rest and recover and even if I did try to pump out 7k words in the next two days, I'm not going to be happy with it. I'm not going to like it. It's not going to be up to par with the standard I've set with the rest of the chapters quality-wise and I'm going to be tearing myself up because I'll have felt like I cheated y'all trying to write while sick just for the sake of getting a chapter out this week.

Now that I've got myself all worked up, I'm going to go lay down and rest and maybe have some soup because I'm hungry and for the first time in days, it does not hurt to eat. So take one of the chapters from last week and consider that the update for this week.

#had i not gotten sick there would have been a chapter this week #but i do not feel good #so i will not be forcing myself to write #even for my wonderful patreon subscribers who do in a way pay me to do this #because it's not fair to y'all to give you something low quality like it will be if i tried to force it #answered

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kalcifers-blog · 29 days

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IRIS FILES - ROBBIE THE ZOMBIE

CW - Physical/Mental Deterioration, Derealization, Rotting Alive, Zombification, Bugs/Insects, Medical Horror

Word Count: 994

Character Count: 4,271

CLASSIFICATION: ALTR 181502

ALTR AGE: 24 YRS OLD

ALTR HEIGHT: 5 “5

ALTR SEX: X

ALTR STATUS: UNSTABLE

ALTR INFO: 18152 contracted an unknown illness after an encounter with ALTR 114209. He was advised to keep track of his symptoms in the form of a journal; IRIS Researchers have secured the journal to track 18152's both physical and mental development.

08/09/2016

“Not been great lately, I've had cold or flu symptoms for the past two weeks, really has been messing with my focus, not great for when I'm trying to study or play as well as I usually can but I've been pushing through it!

I'm still a bit shaken up from that creepy ass guy from last month- it messed with me. I'm glad IRIS is here to help out with my case tho, hopefully they catch the freak. I keep getting all fidgety and anxious whenever I'm out in public. I mean I guess that's normal after something like that but still, doesn't make it easier. I would hang out with friends to make me feel safer but I don't wanna get them sick, hopefully this'll pass

-R”

15/09/2016

“God my head will not stop pounding, I got my headache about 2 days ago, it started off only occasionally but god it just keeps flaring up and more often. My flu hasn't gotten any better. It makes it hard to do anything, I keep getting by, slowly but surely.

-R”

22/09/2016

“Been bed ridden this week- I thought rest would probably help but, every time I sleep I keep dreaming of that guy- I don't remember it fully and it's probably just some weird trauma thing but he keeps.. I don't really know how to describe it? He keeps warping. I don't know its probably just some dream shit”

29/09/2016

“haven't been able to eat properly.. keep feeling this itch on my neck, its not bad just annoying mostly. My phone hurts my eyes. Keep dreaming of creeper.im sure he didn't actually look like that. Sorry for the bad handwriting, I'm so tired nd my hands hurt. Might try sleeping again”

30/09/2016

“woke up and puked, pretty badly too- dreaming of that guy hurts my head”

05/10/2016

“Really should call a doctor I think. I did call IRIS, I'm sure I did, they said they'd send someone over. No one came- my body hurts, everywhere it's just this dull ache. I might try

and shower or something. I don't know what to do at this point- no ones coming I've waited and waited and no one showed. The itching got worse, I don't know what's wrong with me I just need someone to come help”

“Why is no one answering my calls???”

12/10/2016

“Tried to shower, clumps of my hair just- came out. I just cried something is wrong with me I called IRIS again I told them it was urgent and I need help. The creeper answered me. It couldn't have been real- but it made me throw my phone accidentally. It broke and I can't get it to work again. I can't keep going on like this. The itching keeps spreading too- it now feels like things are crawling in my organs. I can't scratch there”

“Threw up again, mostly blood- it was clumpy, I think it was bits of my throat. It hurts my throat to breathe let alone talk”

16/10/2016

“The man in my room can't be here- I didn't let anyone in, he shouldn't be here”

23/10/2016

“I found out why I feel like there things crawling in me. I threw up a dead bug. The itching keeps going. I think I need to leave”

“I left my apartment. The air stung and I felt everyone's eyes on me. I don't care i just need help”

“IRIS won't let me in. Or near anyone.”

30/10/2016

“They're keeping me here. They keep giving me things. They poked IVs in me- the skin just teared away. It hurt so much, it feels good to actually be given medication. It's not kicked in yet but I think it should soon. The nurse gave me a funny look when I described my creep to him. I don't know, I just wanna sleep”

IRIS Supplemental:

ALTR 181502, previously known as Robert “Robbie” James, was announced as clinically dead to the public on 05/11/2016. Within the IRIS Foundation however it should be known that ALTR 181502, while maintaining a “corpse-like” appearance, is very much alive. IRIS researchers and medics have been working on a plausible theory on the rapid and alarming decline in ATLR 181502’s health after an apparent encounter with ALTR 114209. This variation of effects with 114209 seems to be an outlier. But until a working theory has been confirmed, the containment is highly necessary for both ALTR 181502 and for the wider public. Some IRIS staff have left due to unknown illnesses after contact with ALTR 181502. Their symptoms are yet to be examined but they are all in highly secure quarantine zones until they are confirmed to not be carrying a “Zombie Virus” as the research staff seem to be calling it.

As for ALTR 181502- exact details of his initial encounter with ALTR 114209 are documented in his original report to IRIS. His condition remains unpleasant. And it seems the best we can hope for is to keep him in containment until we understand what's going on.

The journal, as well as the remainder of ALTR 181502's belongings have been quarantined or burned. We managed to digitise his IRIS issued journal for the research sake. In said journal we believe the figure he describes is ALTR 114209- as it is within it's behaviour to torment it's victims while they are in mental distress.

It was discovered, by one such medic, after attempting an autopsy on ALTR 181502, that he is very much no longer human. If the hive of moth larvae that has eaten away at all of his organs have anything to say about it at least. How he still is living, albeit not pleasantly, is about as good a guess as yours as it is mine.

End Supplemental.

#jacksepticeye #jse egos #jse #jacksepticeye egos #robbie the zombie #jse robbie #fanfic #IRIS Files #Kalcifers IRIS Files #horror fic #my fic

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amethystina · 2 months

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A health update (and a general explanation of my long Covid)

So while I've been pretty open about living with long Covid, I realise I've never taken the time to explain what that actually means for me and my quality of living. It's a phrase I toss around but I can imagine it doesn't feel all that substantial to a lot of you.

So I figured that now that I'm feeling a bit better (more on that later) I should do so. Partly because I figure it will make it easier to understand why I sometimes have to disappear for weeks on end.

So, if you're interested, feel free to keep reading under the cut :)

But be warned: It's long and kind of whiny. But also ends on a high note! So there's that.

The first time I caught Covid was around Easter 2020, long before there were any vaccines, which meant that I was hit hard. But no matter how bad I felt during the illness itself, the aftermath has been ten times worse. I've been living with my long Covid symptoms ever since, so for four years now. They worsened for a couple of months when I caught Covid a second time in February 2021, but have otherwise held pretty steady during those four years.

A lot of people experience different symptoms with their long Covid and, sometimes, they'll change as the weeks and months go by. I actually had a very interesting couple of months during 2022 when my sense of smell just went completely whack and everything suddenly smelled differently than it should. Like, I could be smelling an apple but it did not smell like an apple. It was a weird time in my life.

Anyway. My most common symptoms are fatigue, fevers, joint pain, brain fog, memory issues, incoherent speech, and lowered blood circulation.

(The latter actually kickstarted the Raynaud's syndrome I have on my mother's side so now I struggle with fingers and feet that will occasionally go white, bloodless, and completely numb at random intervals. Fun times)

The fatigue and fevers are the worst by far. For the past four years, I have had exhaustion fevers between two to five times a week. Or every single day if I'm unlucky. It's very much tied to how much sleep I'm getting, how well I'm eating, and how many taxing things I do each day. I need eight hours of sleep to be functional and anything less than that will most likely mean I'll end up having a fever before the day is over.

Unfortunately, I've always had issues with my sleep so, on most nights, I don't get eight hours even if I try my absolute best. Sometimes it's because I wake up too early and can't fall back asleep and, sometimes — because my life sucks — it's because my fever is so high that I can't fall asleep. Cue the endless cycle of too little sleep and fevers.

Because one of the main issues with these exhaustion fevers — and what makes them so difficult to manage — is that there's no way to lower them. Medicine has no effect whatsoever. Once I have it, I just have to suffer through however many hours are left until I can sleep and hope that it'll be gone in the morning. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

And every day my energy level gets just a little bit lower and the fever a little bit higher. Some days, all I can do when I get home from work is to lie on the couch and stare at the wall because I'm too tired and in too much pain to even watch something. And, again, no amount of medicine helps.

It continues on like this for a while and, every third or fourth month or so, the strain eventually becomes too much and I fall ill. My body simply shuts down from the continued stress and exhaustion, to the point where I can barely get out of bed. And, usually, I can feel it coming. On top of the fevers, I start coughing, then get a headache, and then my nose gets stuffy. And, by that time, I know I have about two to four days before I get sick. It's so accurate that my coworkers have learned that when I give the sign, they have to tell me whatever tasks they need to be finished within the near future since I'll probably be out of commission for one to two weeks.

But I eventually recover, go back to work, and so the cycle starts again. And again. And again. And again.

For four years.

All of this has, unsurprisingly, affected my quality of life to a pretty significant degree. I can barely work, let alone spend time doing any of my hobbies. I can't really travel anymore and, if I do, I'll get sick from the exhaustion. Even the 50-minute commute to the office (which I have to do three times a week) usually results in a fever before the day is over.

This inability to travel was how I ended up missing my maternal granddad's funeral. My shitty relatives didn't tell us the date for when he would be buried until there were only two days left and even if I could have put myself on an overnight train to get there, I knew I would be in no shape to actually be at the funeral if I did. So I couldn't go.

I did go to sit with my paternal grandmother as she was dying but, as expected, I got sick and couldn't return to work for a couple of days afterwards.

I also have to skip most birthday celebrations and any events happening on weekdays since I'm usually too feverish or won't manage the required trip to get there. My life has shrunk so much I barely recognise it anymore. I don't recognise myself. I used to be one of those people who could do a million things at the same time and somehow complete all of them. I was firm, organised, and efficient.

And now I'm not.

(... or, well, technically I am — at least compared to many others — but not compared to how I used to be xD)

Point being, a lot of things have changed and I don't like it. But, with that said, I'm also well aware that I'm lucky to be alive and I'm fortunate enough to have a stable job and a roof over my head. So, all things considered, I'm still doing pretty well.

But I also can't lie and say that this hasn't affected me in a deep and fundamental way. My life has changed and, right now, I don't know if it'll ever return to what I used to consider normal. And dealing with that knowledge — and the grief and fear that comes with it — hasn't been easy. I have cried ugly, self-pitying tears over this many, many times. It's frustrating to have no control over what my body does and to constantly have to be careful of what I do so I don't exhaust myself. I am furious that this happened to me.

But, after four years, there's also a certain amount of acceptance. And while I'm annoyed by my new limitations, I try my best not to feel too sorry for myself. Instead, I try to adapt as best I can, even if I might not always do it gracefully.

That does mean that I sometimes push myself more than I should, though. Because, if I didn't, I wouldn't never produce anything. As depressing as it is to admit, everything I've given you in the past four years has been while I was sick. I don't think a single chapter I've written or drawing I've made has been untouched by this. I've become an expert at writing, editing, and drawing even with a fever.

That doesn't mean I regret it, though — quite the opposite. I think that if I hadn't had a reason to write and draw, I would have felt even worse. A lof of the time, the excitement I feel when I'm able to post a chapter or show off a drawing I've made has been the highlight of my week. It's an accomplishment.

But, that said, it's still hard. Writing in particular. It requires a level of brainpower I can't reach when the fevers are too bad. And so, sometimes, I just can't. I literally just can't.

And, back in January, as I was trying to edit chapter 39 of Who Holds the Devil, I honestly pushed myself too hard. I was so determined to finish it that I didn't let myself see just how bad I was feeling — not at all helped by how emotionally draining the content of the chapter was.

It was only once I finished the chapter and posted it that I realised how absolutely wretched I felt. Not because of the chapter itself, but my lack of compassion for myself, I guess? Because the fevers were bad, I was barely sleeping, and I was both mentally and physically exhausted. And, what was worse, I realised that I was displaying depression symptoms I hadn't seen in over ten years.

All of a sudden, I got annoyed as soon as a minor inconvenience appeared. Everything people said to me was dissected into its tiniest component. I feared that people were secretly hating me. I couldn't meet people's eyes anymore when I was talking to them. I didn't realise I was just sitting there, staring at a wall, until several minutes had already passed.

And, as the final nail in the coffin, I stopped talking about how I was feeling.

And that, right there, is my last warning that I need to do something — always has been, ever since I was a teenager. When I clam up completely, refusing to admit to the people around me that I'm feeling bad, that's when I'm about to spiral.

So, the very next day, I went to my boss and told her that I'm getting burnt out and I need to do something NOW or this was going to turn ugly real soon. Thankfully, my boss is amazing and, after a doctor's visit, I was put on partial sick leave. Right now, I'm working six hours a day instead of eight and, let me tell you, I'm thriving.

Or, well, as much as I can while still having long Covid.

I'm almost angry at how much better I feel because, if I had known, I would have done this a lot sooner. I actually have energy now! I've only had a fever about four times in a little over a month! That's insane! It used to be four a week!

So yeah. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. The downside is that the partial sick leave is still only temporary and there are no guarantees that I'll be able to keep it. Though, if need be, I'll just have to ask my boss to rewrite my contract and change the amount of hours I work because, man, I don't ever want to go back considering how much better and happier I feel. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I feel like I've gotten my life back. It's not quite the same as before, but close enough to it that I kind of want to cry again — but happy tears this time.

And so I've spent the past couple of weeks just... living? When, before that, it felt like I was merely existing. I've been drawing a lot since that helps with the depression symptoms (which are almost completely gone, thank god) but writing has been harder. Possibly because I forced myself to do it during a time when I felt really, really bad and now I'm instinctively trying to shy away from it. But, since I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me, I'm going to give it another try this weekend. I want to write and I miss the stories I'm working on. And, hopefully, since I'm feeling a bit better, I can maybe get back to a more structured uploading schedule. But we'll see. As always, I can't make any promises.

But that's about it, I guess? I'm feeling better and, since I am, I've been doing a lot of things that I wasn't able to before (like taking walks — I take a lot of walks). And I'm still trying to figure out my new routine now that I work less. And while I still get sick sometimes (I am right now, in fact, due to lack of sleep on Tuesday night) I always find my way back eventually.

So yeah. If you've read this far, thank you so much for your patience 💜 I admit that I don't really enjoy writing things like these since it feels like I'm whining — I was very much raised not to take up space or complain when things are difficult (an unfortunate side effect to being the middle child with two disabled, high-maintenance siblings) — but I also prefer honesty and transparency. And I feel a little guilty since there are times when I've given pretty harsh responses when people question why I'm sick all the time or why I don't upload chapters as often as I used to, but without actually explaining why. So I guess it's time to be honest?

And the truth is that I've been constantly sick for the past four years. Not only due to my long Covid, but also the emotional and psychological toll of all the loss, grief, and pain I've been through. These past four years have been rough.

But I'm not saying that to gain pity or make excuses. I actually think I've done pretty well considering just how hindered I've been. I've improved my drawings so much and have written... god knows how many words. I'm honestly kind of scared to check xD But it has to be over 600k by now, maybe closer to 700k.

I think my only regret is that I haven't been able to engage with you all to the extent I would want. I wish I could be a more active and enthusiastic participant in fandom — to seek you out, hold conversations, and give you all even a fraction of the attention you've given me. I feel like I don't offer you nearly enough.

But I also know that I have to accept my own limitations. So, for now, we'll have to settle for whatever I can give, even if it's less than I would want. But I will keep on creating, trust me on that, because I'm stubborn as fuck and even if my pace is slower, I'm still determined to finish what I start.

And that's the note I want to end this on. I have suffered, yes — more so than I may have expressed to you all — but I've still managed to create some beautiful things. And while I mourn who I used to be and the fact that some of you have never known me at my best, I don't think the me I am right now is all that terrible. Do I want things to change? Yes, definitely. But do I want to change the choices I've made and the things I've accomplished in the past four years? No, I can't say that I do. I'm proud of what I've done, especially considering my limitations.

And, if you're reading this, thank you so, so much for your kindness, compassion, and support. Some of you are old friends while others of you are new, but I am grateful to every single one of you. You have made these past four years more bearable. You have made it easier to keep fighting. You have made it worth it.

Thank you 💜

#Amethystina and Life #I don't really know what to tag this as #A rant?#A rambling?#An explanation?#It's just a lot I guess #And I admit I'm still hesitating whether to post this or not #I don't like talking about things like this #Or draw attention to it might be a better way to put it #But yeah #It's here if you want to read it #But do so at your own risk #Now I'm going to bed #And might just pretend I never wrote this because I feel awkward and embarrassed x'D

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georgeweasleyslostearhq · 1 year

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can i get an ajax request where they get into a fight (u can make it about whatever), and ajax gets mad at reader so they’ve gotta make it up to him somehow. loll like an angsty start with a fluff ending

MIGHT BE IT

Pairings: Ajax Petropolus x Fem!reader Summary: ^^^ Warnings: fight, angst.

white knuckles, clenched jaw, killer headache's.

your eyes are on fire and they're burning from the tears. you've been crying for what feels like years.

it was so stupid and purely out of his jealousy.

"is there something wrong with you that you can't see it?" Ajax yelled at you, his hands throwing up in the air as he paced around the room, his nose flared as he took sharp, quick breaths.

"there is absolutely nobody else! is there something wrong with you that you don't trust me?" you shouted at him, your hands in your lap as they shook in fear and anger

you had been focused on studying and working your shift at the café in town 'too much' and not paying attention to him, making him think there was someone else you were seeing that was in town.

so that's what brought him to your dorm, at 11 at night

"how am I supposed to trust you when I don't see you, you have made no time for me, I'm your last priority and I'm sick of it! I've had enough!"

"school is more important than us! Ajax you can't look me in the eyes and tell me we'll last forever because we don't know that as much as we might want it to, people change, feelings change, we don't know what will happen and I don't want to put you first in case we don't last" you stated, sobbing as you stood up to keep your shaky ground

"well clearly your feelings have changed already, and it's obvious that I'm not even on the list of priorities anymore, hell buying teddy bears are before me," he shrugged, pointing to the pile of stuffed teddy's in the corner of your room

"they haven't changed! I still care for you so much! you are on the list, I promise!" you argued, going in to hug him but he pushed you away

"you're full of shit! I haven't seen you in weeks! and you can't even say you love me anymore!" he sighed heavily, his hand in a tight fist as he looked at you

he wasn't a guy to get mad that easily, but if he didn't get enough attention from the one he so desperately loves, he grows irritated and makes up scenarios in his head to justify your actions until he can't no more

"I can, I say it all the time! look, you've had a shit day and you saying this because your tired, just go have some sleep and we will talk tomorrow, after all, it's Saturday" you nodded your head, trying to get him to understand

"I have had a shit month, do you not realize I haven't been able to sleep without you next to me? if I go back to my bed, all I'm gonna do is lay there in self pity, wandering what I did for you to leave me" he teared up as he paused

"trying to remember what it's like to hug you and actually talk to you"

it was silent for a moment, you stood there, hugging yourself as you cried violently with him there, standing there in front of you but his eyes anywhere but on you

"you have work tomorrow" he stated, knowing you won't talk to each other for a long time after this

"I think this might be it for us"

"you don't mean that" you sobbed, stepping towards him desperately, but he only walked around you, towards the door

"no, I do! I mean every bit of it! I'm sick of not knowing how you are o- or what's going on in your life! I'm tired of walking into the Weathervane and seeing Tyler all over you! I've had enough" he yelled, grabbing the door handle and walking out of your room, shutting the door loudly behind him.

you stood there, your head pounding as you stared at the door, waiting for it to open to reveal you beloved boyfriend again, but with a smile planted on his face and we went to hug you.'

but he was never there again. the door never opened.

you backed up into your bed and flopped on the mattress as you cried, staring at the ceiling that seemed more blank then usual.

you never wanted it to end like this. you never wanted it to end full stop. all you wanted was some time to yourself to fully commit to Ajax and time to study.

you cried all night, wondering if that was really it, if that was actually the end of you and Ajax.

you didn't sleep that night, wondering if Ajax wasn't either.

he wasn't. technically.

when Ajax got to his dorm, he went straight to the bathroom with tears in his eyes, he looked at himself in the mirror.

he was a mess, he reached up to his beanie and wished his power was permanent as he pulled it off, his body turning to stone just as a tear fell from his eye, the salty drop of water rolling down his stoned cheek, leaving a dark grey streak against the light grey stone of his face.

he knew he wouldn't get any sleep and he was exhausted, so at least he was unconscious.

you walked towards the door, knocking on it softly.

you awaited for the arrival of Ajax after knocking again

you had called Tyler before your shift and told him you felt too sick to come into work.

"Ajax?" you called out through the door, you didn't fully expect him to answer, but you did think he would at least tell you to go away

you felt the doorknob and twisted it slowly, the door opening as you quietly pushed it.

you peaked your head in, looking around the one bed dorm, seeing it empty.

you stepped in, holding your tote bag close to you

"Ajax?" you called out again, looking around further, seeing no one. you looked over at his bathroom, seeing it cracked open. you cautiously strolled over to the door and opened it after hearing no noise coming from it.

you walked in, seeing Ajax fixing his beanie, the mirror covered

"what are you doing here?" he asked, looking at the bag clutched to your side.

you reached in the bag and pulled out one of his zip up hoodies, handing it to him

he nodded his head, understanding what was going on

"already giving my stuff back, thanks" he said disappointedly

"doesn't smell like you anymore" you stated, shaking your head at his statement

"I'm really sorry I haven't made time for you, I love you, I really do. I-I'll try harder, I'll spend every second with you if even a part of you still wants me, I can't lose you, Ajax." you sobbed, walking closer to him

you pulled out something from your bag and gave it to him

"even if it was my fault I missed you. I couldn't help but buy these. I have...too much of them, every time I get paid, I go to the store and buy as many as I can with the money." you smiled softly as he held the stuffed snake

he looked at you and stepped closer, pulling you towards him. holding you in a month awaited embrace

"I love you, so much, I don't know what you want me to do to show you that, I'll quit at the weathervane if you want, but I do need to study" you whispered in his chest, humming at the warmth

"I don't see how we can't just study together, even if it's just for a minute a day I'll be happy, just as long as I see you" he shook his head

"ok, not a single minute, make it 10" he chuckled quietly

"you don't have to quit, but just stop spending all your money on these, just have one of these" he pulled of one of his rings that slithered around his fingers, dropping it in your hand

"I love you" he muttered

you looked at him and smiled, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

he grabbed your face and redirected you to meet his own lips

"I missed you"

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#ajax petropolus x reader #ajax x reader #ajax petropolus #wednesday fanfiction #wednesday series #netflix wednesday #georgie farmer #imagines #angst #cute #ajax petropolus imagine

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moodywyrm · 1 year

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Okay okay can we talk about vi and periods?

I feel like hers are bad, but she’s always just pushed through them, she didn’t want to seem vulnerable or like a wimp since it happens every month. She tries to just ignore it, but once you get in the picture? You just want to take care of her. She’s hesitant at first, learning not to get attached, not to get used to intimacy, but once you finally break those walls down (it really didn’t take long, she’s desperate for affection), she absolutely melts. She lets you hold her, rubbing her stomach, if modern!AU you’d get her a heating pad while she lays with her head in your lap, whining every time you stop playing with her hair. She’s such a softie, she loves when you take care of her

For you, I feel like she’s such a natural caretaker with the people she loves, she’d immediately jump at the opportunity to do all the stuff you do for her, to you. She hates seeing you in any kind of pain, so she’s goes almost a little overboard making sure you’re feeling okay

I've been staring at this for days bc oh my god. Yes.

Vi was the leader of her little family, right under Vander. She literally Could Not show weakness because if she does, who are the others supposed to depend on? So when she started getting her period (at like 14), she learned real fast how to hide the pain of her Debilitating periods. You think it was hard hiding the pain from getting into fights in Zaun? Try concealing a vomit-inducing cramps, achy joints, pounding headaches, a lower back that feels like it's being yanked between two trucks, and boobs so sore a gust of wind makes you cry on top of it.

She got so used to being the caretaker that she didn't even hesitate when you two finally got together. She just immediately fell into the role whenever you got yours, cuddling you and feeding you your favorite foods, helping you bathe and pampering you however she can (However She Can. Baby ain't afraid of blood).

But you had known that she experienced really bad periods. You'd been friends for ages before you got together and you, loving her and being in love with her, caught on to her little winces, her slower gait, her extra caution for about one week a month. And you knew she was good at hiding pain, and you also knew she wouldn't let you take care of her just yet (you also didn't want to reveal your feelings just yet but that's neither here nor there).

But a month or two before you get together, she get's an awful fucking period. I'm talking baby woke up and bled through her clothes and also immediately vomited. You two already lived together, so when you heard her scramble out of her room at 2am, you're up and in the bathroom with her immediately.

You kneel down next to her on the bathroom floor, rubbing circles at her back and using one hand to keep her overgrown pixie cut out of her face,"It's okay, let it out."

And she does :( sweet girl is stuck over the toilet for another five minutes before she finally leans back against the edge of the tub, panting and wiping her mouth with the wet napkin you handed her. You immediately spot the mess of red on her grey sweats, and you wince.

"Oh honey, it's an extra bad one this time huh? Get those off, I'll bring you a change of clothes, just get in the shower," You're already hauling yourself up off the floor, constructing a mental checklist to help Vi feel better.

Get her clean clothes and a warm shower

In the meantime, change her bedding and soak in cold water. same with her sweats and underwear. Don't think about the fact that it's her underwear.

Get her something fatty and warm to eat, like a little bit of Jericho leftovers, and then give her pain meds and water.

??? Hol dher??? May Be??? If she lets you???

before you can even leave the bathroom, Vi is holding onto your leg with one warm hand.

"You don't have to do that pumpkin, I can handle it myself. Just go back to sleep."

But you can see the way she's cracking, nearly immobilized from the pain. She can't do this by herself, or she shouldn't have to. So you shush her and set upon your tasks, bringing her one of your t-shirts and a pair of her sweats plus some clean boxers, stripping her bed and bringing it to the bathroom sink to rinse it off in cold water.

It makes Vi feel better, to know you're so close. She's embarrassed because here is this beautiful, caring girl, sleep deprived and washing Vi's blood out of Vi's things. But she also feels ... good? Not physically, obviously, but there's something so nice about being taken care of. You're always doing that for her, taking care of her. Making sure she has breakfast and water, patching her up after fights, helping her clean up and repair her gauntlets.

It's only then that she realizes, I mean fully realizes, how much she wants to be with you. She loves taking care of you, but she also likes being taken care of by you. She like that she's allowed to let her guard down around you.

It hits her while she's showering, while she's getting dressed, when she meets you on the couch, when you're helping her eat and rubbing her back and her tummy to make sure she doesn't vomit again. She falls asleep in your arms, on your guys' couch, thinking about how much she wants to be with you.

It's no surprise that, not even two months later, she's yanking you into your apartment with a bruising kiss after winning a massive fight. You're her girl, her good luck charm, the one who takes care of her.

I have to leave for class in 26 min and I still have to do my makeup oh god oh fuck AH

#anon #arcane vi #arcane vi fluff #arcane vi x reader #arcane vi x reader fluff

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iamthecomet · 1 year

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Hi Comet my day has been a nightmare and I keep getting missgendered on purpose by a coworker. I've been trying not to cry but finally just broke down in front of my boss. Do you have any hc's about the ghouls? Just anything in general.

Thank you

🕸

I'm sorry you've had a nightmare day. People really suck sometimes and I don't understand why they have to be so shitty. Yes, I think I can probably scrounge up some random ghoul headcanons for you. No theme here, just thoughts, under the cut.

Aether is not a morning person. He's known for staying up late and sleeping well into the morning. If he's up before ten am, he either didn't go to bed, or there's a problem.

So, when he first got summoned he took overnight shifts at the infirmary. He misses it now that he's expected to keep a more normal schedule.

Mountain and Sunshine work in Mountain's greenhouse together a lot. He taught her everything he can about plants. She immediately took to his herb garden. The spend a lot of summer days working together in silence. Mountain tending to his vegetables and Sunshine working on strange herbal concoctions for the other ghouls.

This of course, leads to random late-night visits to Sunshine's room. If someone has a headache, she'll get a knock on the door. A cold? A stomach ache? Can't sleep? Sunshine has just the thing for it.

Cirrus has made friends with the Abbey corvids, and they sometimes bring her little trinkets (that have usually been stolen from unsuspecting Siblings). Cirrus keeps all of her little gifts in a small box on her bookshelf. If anyone happens to see a ring in there that definitely belongs to Papa, no, they didn't.

When Mountain is really relaxed he'll sprout eucalyptus from his horns. Rain has a bunch hanging from his shower head that he adds to whenever Mountain joins him for a bath.

Contrary to popular belief Dew doesn't actually hate water. It's just that swimming in the lake on a hot summer day reminds him of his life before. He misses being able to dive under water, to not have to hold his breath. It's bittersweet. So he tends to avoid it.

Sunshine has a large collection of stupid t-shirts, and button-ups with garish prints. Swiss steals them from her all the time.

She has that collection because she, Cirrus, and Cumulus like to hit up thrift stores when they're on tour. They try to find at least one in every city, and they each always bring an extra bag on tour specifically for their thrifted finds.

If the rest of his pack would let him, Rain would sleep through the entirety of winter. He can often be found curled up in his bed under a mountain of blankets. It's a group effort to get him to get up and rejoin society. It never lasts long though, he's usually back to trying to hibernate within a week.

Swiss knows how to ice skate. He tried to teach other ghouls. Cirrus took to it quite easily and loves it. Cumulus too seems like a natural but doesn't enjoy it as much as she expected to. Dew and Sunshine refused to go anywhere near the ice for fear of melting it. Mountain was too lanky, looking a little like a baby deer just learning to walk. Rain could probably do it, but he doesn't like going out in the cold, so he opted out. Aether can sort of manage, but after Cirrus and Swiss started skating literal circles around him he went inside to make hot chocolate for everyone.

#comet canons #ghost head canons #request #ghost headcanons #nameless ghoul headcanons #aether ghoul #swiss ghoul #sunshine ghoulette #cirrus ghoulette #cumulus ghoulette #dewdrop ghoul #rain ghoul #mountain ghoul

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dreamqueenkala · 2 years

Text

JOKESTER

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WARNINGS: Mentions of Alcohol; Making-Out; Oral(Male Receiving); Biting/Marking; Teasing; Submissive!Dylan; Anal Penetration; Unprotected Sex

Male Reader x Dylan Lenivy

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Another night to be spent around the firepit and I was already dreading it. It'd been a long fucking day at camp. As the security counselor, it was my job to protect the kids from potential harm, including each other. Unfortunately, kids their age fought. A lot. That meant bruises and scratches in places I wouldn't typically get them unless attempting to restrain a kid throwing a fit over crayons during art with Abigail.

I had a massive headache, there were fresh bandages wrapped around my right bicep and a small patch on my cheek, a bruise was forming around the left side of my rib cage and my back fucking ached. I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was go to sleep a little early since the kids were on the island with Chris Hackett and Nurse Kelly for a 'survival' task. I was so grateful for one day off. Just one.

And then Emma found me outside the pool house, having just taken a fresh shower. She cornered me near the entrance with the full intent to guilt trip me into spending time with her. She did this often, and I unfortunately adored her preppy outgoing self. She was like the little sister I never had.

However, she forgot to mention hanging out with her meant hanging out with everyone else tonight. More specifically, hanging out with my crush. Yup. That's right. I had a crush on one of the counselors. Surprising? I know. Never thought I'd see the day I liked someone.

But this wasn't just a crush either. I was desperately in love with the guy. His soft chocolate locks, his doe brown eyes and and his dorky half smile. His stupid jokes and his stupidly brilliant mind. Those hard abs, long legs, and wide, athletic hips. All it took was a smile my way for me to melt like putty. I wanted him. I adored him. And damn did he make me fucking horny.

What? I can't help it. I've got needs and they just so happen to revolve around one guy in particular. His name is Dylan Lenivy, and he is the quirkiest, sweetest, funniest and smartest guy I've ever met. It was only month two, and we'd made it a habit of hanging out all together one way or another every week. We hadn't done something together this week just yet but it seemed that was to change tonight.

With a groan, I changed into a pair of black sweats, my boots and a baby blue v-neck short sleeve, ruffling my (h/c) locks lightly. I yawned slightly as I exited the cabin I shared with Jacob, moving towards the firepit. Nick, Ryan, Emma and Kaitlyn were already there chatting and stoking the flames. I sat beside Emma, my closest friend here, and she smiled at me.

Turning to face me, she grinned, showing off her pearly white teeth. "So."

I quirked a brow, my voice hoarse with fatigue as I replied. "So...?"

"You gonna fuck him?" I choked on my spit and smacked her arm, eliciting a giggle of glee from the blonde. "Oh come on! The sexual tension between you two is practically howling."

"Yeah, dude, Dylan's got his legs spread for you." Kaitlyn chipped in from the other side of the fire near Ryan.

"Fucking shit, shut up, good God." I groaned, covering my face with my palms.

"Hey, man, literally all of us can see it." Nick piped up, grinning playfully. "Shoot your shot, mate."

I groaned and tossed my head back, my (e/c) eyes catching sight of three figures walking towards the firepit, the largest of the three carrying a huge wine cooler. Jacob grinned as he joined us, followed shortly by Dylan and Abi carrying snacks.

"Yo dudes! Got the beer!" He cheered, and we joined in as he handed out bottles. I gratefully accepted a bottle, popping the cap with my key ring and tipping it back.

"Oh my god, I needed that." I grunted with a sigh of relief, cracking my neck as I rested the bottle against my knee. My head still throbbed slightly but it had already begun to grow numb, replaced by the soft buzzing of the alcohol in my system. Sitting up straight, I gazed around the group, watching everyone shuffle into place. Jacob took the spot on Emma's other side, Abi next to him followed by Nick, then Ryan, Kaitlyn and Dylan. Now with everyone present, we settled for mostly idle chatter and jokes.

It'd been about an hour since we'd started and I was feeling plenty buzzed, which made me very bold. I giggled at something Emma said, completely oblivious to the doe-like brown eyes watching me from across the fire, a small grin on the owners face. Emma clapped her hands, drawing everyone's attention to her.

"Alright! Now that we're all at least somewhat intoxicated, let's get to some party games, yeah?" She hummed, smiling with delight at the cheers she received. Kaitlyn and Emma shared a look and a grin, the former taking the wine cooler and setting it between the open area of the circle, an empty bottle laid on top.

"Spin the bottle? Really?" Ryan didn't seem to like the idea, scoffing at the implied party game. "Yeah, I'll sit this one out."

"Party pooper." Kaitlyn pouted, but nonetheless the game began. It went around the circle twice before myself, Dylan or Emma received a turn. The bottle, now spun by Jacob, landed on me. I smiled and offered the big teddy-bear of a guy a hug before spinning the bottle myself. It spun round four times before coming to a stop, my gaze following its neck til my (e/c) eyes met brown. My breathe caught in my throat and I had to bite my lip to hide a smile.

"Dylan! Kiss the man already!" Emma encouraged, urging the brunette to stand. He did so hesitantly, moving to sit beside me on the edge of the log. He smiled, though it was awkward, that same half-smile he did when he was nervous that absolutely drove me nuts.

"Hi."

"Hi." I cooed softly, setting my beer down in the grass. His doe eyes gazed at me so shyly, so innocently, I felt my heart skip a beat. His cheeks were slightly flushed, whether from embarrassment or the alcohol, I couldn't tell. His tongue swiped over his lower lip, my eyes following the movement with hitched breathes. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but he didn't get the chance. A soft gasp left him as my lips met his abruptly, my hand caressing his hip lightly as I drew him in. I tuned out the cheers and the catcalls thrown our way, solely focused on the boy in front of me.

His fingers curled into my shirt as I coiled my arms around his waist, guiding him into my lap. His fingers moved up to thread into my hair, tugging at the soft (h/c) strands lightly. My tongue pressed against his, caressing it so gently as my teeth gnawed at his lower lip. My thumbs pressed into his thighs lightly, guiding him forward over my lap. A sharp groan left me and we parted, a thin string of saliva linking us together.

Panting, I gazed up at the flushed boy in my lap, smiling affectionately. Glancing around the group, I stood up, hoisting the male into my arms with general ease. "Goodnight you freakzoids!" I called over my shoulder, ignoring their laughter as Dylan clung to me. His arms were coiled around my neck and he was gazing up at me in both awe and surprise, anxiety bubbling in our bellies.

"I adore you, Dyl." He perked up at that as I carried him to my cabin, carefully opening the door before setting him down. "I mean it. I adore your smile and your stupid jokes and how smart you are. I adore seeing you laugh and seeing you smile when someone makes you happy, even in the smallest way." As I spoke, I crept towards the tall boy with adoration and lust in my eyes, pinning him to the bunk. He swallowed thickly, gazing down at me slightly due to the small height difference. His pupils were blown and his breathing staggered, his fingers twitching as he reached up to cup my face in his hands.

"(N/N)..."

"I adore everything about you, Dylan. I adore you." I hadn't realized I was crying until I sniffled, burying my face in one of his palms. His grasp drew me closer and he pressed a sweet kiss to my temple, nuzzling my nose with his.

"I adore you, too, (Y/N)." His lips met mine again, this time more fervently, aggressively. His lips sucked on my tongue, eliciting a sharp groan from me. My hands caressed his body, tugging at his shirt and lifting it over his head. My shirt followed, tossed across the cabin til morning. His hands caressed my pecs and abs, tracing the bruises on my rib cage lightly. "I'm sorry." He murmured, leaning in to pepper kisses over the yellowing flesh. I gasped and hummed, tugging him up by the back of his neck to kiss him again. My fingers traced down his bare torso and tugged lightly at his shorts dragging them along with his boxers down to his knees.

I pushed him to lay down on the low bunk, clambering over him. I kissed his jaw and guided kisses down his torso, breathing hot against his erection. It twitched and throbbed slightly at the cool air, a soft whimper leaving his lips. I gazed up at him with a smile, extending my tongue and caressing the head of his cock lightly. Dylan gasped and his hips bucked involuntarily, his fingers digging into the bedsheets.

"F-Fuck, (Y/N)!" I grinned, suckling at the head as my cheeks hollowed and my fingers caressed his base. My eyes fell closed as I took him slowly deeper, my nose brushing his pubes lightly as he bottomed out down my throat. I could hear him whimpering and mewling, the sound muffled by the hand he'd placed over his mouth. His hips twitched and shuddered, resisting the urge to buck against my face. I continued to suck him off for a short while, toying with him before I pulled away.

Panting, he gazed down at me with slightly teary brown eyes, gripping the pillow his head rested on. "(Y/N) please." He murmured. I leaned forward to kiss him, my fingers kneading the flesh of his ass. "N-No, you don't have to..."

"I need to prep you, Dyl."

"N-No, I mean...I've a-already done that." I paused, leaning back to gaze down at him with surprise, finding his shy expression absolutely adorable. Chuckling, I peppered light kisses to his cheeks and nose, slipping my sweats and boxers down slowly. His breathing hitched slightly as my bulbous tip pressed against his ass, his eyes widening at the sight. "Y-You're big."

I snorted softly, mouthing at his pulse point along his throat lightly, rubbing the head around his rim. "I'll be gentle." After he nodded, I pressed my hips ever so gently against his own. The head slipped past his entrance and elicited a short cry from the thinner boy. I gritted my teeth and nipped at his pulse point lightly, sinking deeper til I was buried about halfway. Dylan's arms coiled around my shoulders, hugging me close as he trembled beneath me, his toes curled and his knees bent. I gave him a moment to breathe and relax, settling for just enjoying the soft mewl he made everytime I kissed or nipped at his throat and collarbone.

"So beautiful." I mumbled, punctuating the compliment with a thrust of my hips. Dylan gasped, back arching slightly as I continued to roll my hips, cradling him close with my face buried in his neck. "Mine. All mine."

"Y-Yours, (Y/N). I love you." I smiled and leaned back, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before doing so. I shifted his legs so they were wrapped around my waist, pressing myself ever deeper into him.

"I love you, too." Dylan screamed as I bucked forward, the head of my cock hitting his prostate right off the bat. His nails dug into my back and shoulders, raking harsh pink lines down my (s/c) skin that elicited hisses of pleasure from me. I leaned back, sitting upright for a better angle as I railed him into the bunk, the frame creaking oddly with each rock.

"F-Fuck, you're so tight, Dyl. My baby." The brunette mewled and keened at my words, reaching up to cup my face and drag me back down for another kiss. This one was messy, wet and desperate, teeth clashing as he sucked on my tongue and nibbled at my lip.

"P-Please, f-fuck, please!" He repeated this demand like a mantra, a sign he was growing ever closer. I reached down and grasped his cock in my hand, stroking him gently in time with my thrusts. His lips parted and he cried out, hips bucking and body shuddering as his chest heaved, thick spurts of sticky white warmth coating my fist and dripping over his abdomen. I thrusted a few more times as he clamped around me, bursting inside him as I sucked a mark into his throat. We both shuddered, clinging to each other for a long moment, then he chuckled softly.

"That's one way to ask me out." I snorted and kissed his cheek, reaching under my bunk for the towel i used to shower earlier on.

"Yeah yeah, shut up and let me clean you, babe." I loved this man more than anything, especially when he laughed and smiled so brightly. Dylan was my boyfriend, my love, my light.

My little jokester.

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poisonousquinzel · 2 years

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Hey y'all, I really hate to be making a post like this, but in true 2020 2.0 fashion, life has been... rough.

I've been trying to get a job in my city since May, but I've been denied because of my health issues.

We also don't have a car. And our town is small so while we technically have a bus, it comes by near my house once per day and isn't reliable.

My mom can't work and my step dad's online work has been stretched dry recently so he's been making bare minimum for months.

I had been under the impression in the beginning of May that I would have the assistance of my parents in this, I've never done most of this before and they made it sound like my mom would help me.

However that wasn't really the case, personal stuff happened for them and I don't necessarily blame them for that, but then in June I got denied for a job because "I have too many health issues" and my step dad told me that we'd get back to it after my birthday. (Post 12th)

I've asked my step dad every morning when I wake up what we're going to do that day, because he had said he was going to be the one handling the job stuff when we started again.

And every day we've done whatever it is he said. We walked up to 7-11, turned in an application, looked up online jobs, etc.

We did the same on Wednesday and the only reason I didn't keep looking into more of them that afternoon was because I had a migraine. And when I have migraines they're not just headaches and they're not just migraines.

It's something I've been working through with my doctor about, because my previous long term doctor since childhood was completely incompetent at her job.

When I get migraines, it makes me nauseous. And being nauseated makes my heart slow down and I faint or collapse.

I can't sleep, it hurts to close my eyes or move them behind my eyelids. It feels like it's sparking against metal with every movement.

I've had to go to the hospital for it in the past when I collapsed into a pile of bags and was barely breathing, my previous doctor just... didn't look at the hospital's report on my visit. Like when I tell you in hindsight she really sucked, she really fucking sucked.

So, yeah, I slept a lot on Wednesday. I wasn't thrilled about it either.

And I told my step dad that I'd do all that stuff on Thursday.

My physical state was pretty visibly clear, I couldn't leave my extra darkened room without wearing sunglasses even though it was 8:30 at night.

But, then on Thursday instead I got into a really heated discussion with the two of them.

And... I am just very, very tired now.

I panic called my therapist 5 times in less than 10 minutes afterwards. It was a really bad day.

Thankfully I was able to get back to back emergency appointments with her and my doctor yesterday morning so dw emotionally wise. But I don't know how I'd be fairing if I hadn't been able to get those scheduled.

But Long Story Short:TLDR: we are a couple of weeks away from being on the streets.

Or in a shelter. We wouldn't be able to bring any of our cats. We would lose all of them.

I don't want to beg, but I suppose I am cause I'm terrified

We're behind on bills and next months are just around the corner, we've run out of local resources here that can help. I don't know all of the specifics, but I do know we're out of options.

If you're in a good financial situation and you feel like it, if you can, literally anything would help.

It'd mean the world. I don't want to end up on the streets or in a shelter, and I really don't want to lose my cats.

I can't.

They're the only thing keeping me going, so, please

PayPal •

[email protected]

Cashapp • $Poisonousquinzel

reblogs and signal boosting are also super appreciated!!

#signal boost #financial help #donations #rent assistance

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rhizomehaunt · 7 months

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personal

it is so fucking hard to reckon with my own internalized ableism and also grief that i cannot physically do things like be on the ground anymore. in 2020 I was sick but didn't realize the extent of it and was out weekly and organizing with friends and able to participate in direct action multiple times a week and still able to recover and handle my responsibilities, and my body just cannot do that anymore. i walk 20 minutes and have to lay down for the rest of the day and then am out of it physically/mentally for the next few days, not just in a "i'm tired" but "i cannot actually do anything nor manage tasks like making dinner, finishing work, comprehending anything I'm reading, etc". i've been taking advil multiple times a week and sometimes daily in really bad stretches for like a decade just to manage pain (i know it is bad for me and i know it's probably causing problems and also it is that or being bedridden from pain 50-75% of the time). most days i can't read because i just cognitively can't comprehend anything. i am never not in pain or fatigued and even the slightest thing causes PEM. sometimes I can't sleep bc my heart rate is so fast just even laying down bc I had like, a carbohydrate. even as i'm writing this my jaw and neck and shoulders are aching and i have a horrific headache i've been ignoring but they're only at a 5/10 pain level instead of like 8-10/10 so i'm used to it and still trying to finish work bc it's so hard for me to manage my day job I have to work through the weekends to catch up. i genuinely barely leave my home because i just cannot manage anything even with my cane. and i know these things and still i think i should just be able to push past them/push through them, and i cannot and every time i do, i get sicker and stay sicker longer. and i know this logically but emotionally it just feels like an excuse, like half of the time i have to remind myself i am chronically ill and disabled bc my own internalized ableism is like, bitch you are probably fine and just lying to yourself, when like, my heart rate jumps to 150 sometimes just throwing a spring toy for my cat and most of my day is spent sitting or lying down because being upright is too hard. sometimes 15 minutes of a gentle stretching is enough to make me so dizzy I gotta lay down for a few hours. sometimes I have to have my partner sit in the bathroom while I shower to make sure I don't fall over or pass out. I start to black out sometimes just sitting up. it's so hard to reckon with what I can do now because I'm so limited physically and so hard because half the time i am afraid i am just making it up and i should/could just push through. i miss my body and life before being sick i miss what i could do i miss who i was.

#personal shit #internalized ableism #sick day

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stormanbates · 2 years

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I've seen a lot of tumblr users that are on the spectrum put headcanons about Donnie being autistic on their blogs, so I decided to join in, since I have autism myself.

•Donnie is prone to headaches and the amount of tylenol he's taken in his lifetime is staggering.

•Sleep is difficult for him. Either he sleeps for 12 hours or he doesn't sleep for more than 2 hours a night. He's also a very heavy sleeper, and it takes forever to wake him up.

•Donnie is a picky eater. It's not taste, it's texture. For example: Potato chips=yes, mashed potatoes=eww. He can't stand food that's too smooth, or anything super spicy, but loves vinegary foods.

•Speaking of food, Donnie is more adventurous with new foods, as long as he knows what the ingredients are and cooking has helped with new foods.

•Donnie can memorize anything. He can watch a movie once, and memorize every line, even weeks later.

•Donnie often runs into walls because of lack of balance. He loves to spin around, though.

•Donnie won't even flinch if you break his arm, but will bawl like a baby if he gets a hangnail.

•Donnie loved baths as a kid, but hates showering as a teenager.

•His stims are: tapping his fingers on a table like he's playing the piano, clapping, raising his eyebrows, biting his lips, biting certain objects, standing on his tiptoes, darting his eyes all over the place, and bouncing while sitting.

•Donnie has issues with eye contact. His eyes will wander while you talk to him, but he assures that he's listening. To calm himself down while being lectured, he has to stare at Splinter's nose, rather than his eyes.

•As a tot, Donnie would hide under furniture, curl up, cover his ears and cry when his brother would get loud. Splinter had to drag him out and cuddle him to calm him down.

•Donnie also has anxiety, and often being overwhelmed makes the air around him seem like it's closing in on him.

•As a tot, he was sensitive to loud noises, bright lights and hates open spaces. As a teenager, he's only sensitive to loud noises.

•Donnie hates being touched, but will hug his brothers, April or his dad if he has to.

•Donnie is a huge crybaby, especially when he was a tot.

•Alone time is his best friend. Whenever he gets overwhelmed, he goes to his room to calm down.

•Donnie self soothes himself, but during missions, Leo has to be the one to calm him down.

•Donnie is extremely intelligent, but the stupidest things makes him laugh. He was reading medical journals at age 4, but videos of screaming frogs tickles his funny bone.

•Donnie has fidgeting toys and gets fixated on certain objects, protecting them and will get upset if anyone touches them.

•As a kid, he hated certain textures in clothing. He can, and will, strip naked if a tag itches or if a certain peice of clothing feels off.

•Donnie looked down often, trying not to step on any cracks, because he can feel it when they are not grooved. He can also feel certain colors, though it's hard to explain.

•Donnie has great hearing, he can hear conversations from across the lair, it scares his brothers.

•Donnie didn't speak as a kid, but is now a chatter box as a teen.

•Donnie made up a lot of imaginary friends, which is how he created SHELLDON.

•He enjoys ASMR and Mukbang videos, but can't stand listening to his family eat. His favorite catagory is soap cutting.

•Even though his other senses are heightened, he doesn't have the best sense of smell.

•Dee mimics people, not to make fun of others, but as a way to remember instructions.

•When pushed to far, Donnie will get aggressive, but then he cries when he's angry. Raph has to tell him to breath so he won't hyperventilate.

•Baby Mikey once got shoved by Donnie when he messed up his playing cards, to which Splinter immediately put him in his room to give him a time-out. Donnie felt it wasn't fair, but he learned to just keep his cards away from Mikey.

•Once old enough to read, Donnie read 3 grade levels above his age and could finish a book in a day. Reading was his escape.

•Leo, Raph and Mikey often felt like Donnie was a psychopath when they watched scary movies and he was the only one not scared.

•Being a first time father, Splinter often got flustered whenever his baby son was delayed while his other three were hitting milestones, such as eye contact, responding to their names, talking, or playing with certain toys.

•As a baby, Dee had acid reflux and Splinter spent many nights comforting a puky baby. Often Splinter would rush him to the bathroom to pat his son's back to get him to expel his stomach into the toilet.

•Donnie will info dump about a certain subject or he'll be silent for days.

•(Canon) Donnie can't sleep on his back, but will sleep on his stomach. It's because his shell is sensitive and he hates anything super soft.

•April has always been able to make Donnie feel better, which is why he's always with her.

#rottmnt #rottmnt turtle tots #headcanon #rise donnie #autism #autistic headcanon

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inkofamethyst · 5 months

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December 17, 2023

Really kind of adore stories with parent figures fighting to find and protect their lost child (figure) while that child simultaneously grows up to become someone no longer in need of protecting! Broken Earth, The Witcher.. would love to find more books/series with that element, I think. Currently developing my reading list (finally starting some Sanderson!) and thinking about switching to Storygraph... only thing is that it's not as heavily utilized among my friends so I wouldn't necessarily be able to keep up with what they're reading. I suppose I don't necessarily want to be a "follower" in my friend group when it comes to doing a good thing, especially not with something that's ultimately a fairly inconsequential switch. Maybe that's a winter break goal.

You know what's wild? Last year one of my labmates took the class with this final project I'm working on right now, and she was in a group of three or four. That's a pretty solid amount of manpower and brainpower for a twenty page paper (plus 10+ pages in supplementary material). I'M LITERALLY DOING THIS ALONE. Same assignment. All by my lonesome. Will I get there? Ya I think so. But STILL.

[days later]

DONE.

Is it the best thing I ever wrote? God no. And that's a shame because it could have been really good had I not taken off two days last week. But it's done.

I hate writing introductions with all my heart. Everything else is fine, but orienting my audience to a topic? I'd rather skip that bit, honestly. So yeah. My intro kinda sucks. I think it picks up when we start talking about the basis of the work at hand, but it's otherwise pretty boring. Citations very spotty, with an overreliance on one source (even though i skimmed a ton of papers n even took notes too).

ngl kinda sucks bc it's going to my advisor and I know I could've done better ("but why didn't you" BECAUSE I WANNA GO HOME. OKAY? IM TIRED OF THIS PLACE. IM TIRED IN GENERAL. god i cant wait to get home)

not even going to mention how much little sleep I've gotten over the past 48 hours ugh.

can't even be thankful that it's over bc imma be anxious all the way up until i get that grade so.

im so bad at projects. bad at spacing things out. good at the planning. bad at the doing. decent at the crunch time. (the same sad song i weep every semester tbh.. "something's gotta change" yea yea yea)

well i dont want to go out all negative--im pretty proud of the future directions section. they came pretty naturally to me actually, and i think it's a bit of a testament to some of the growth ive had ~as a scientist~ this semester. thinking experimentally is still not easy, but i think i'm grasping some things related to my discipline which is good. thankful for that ig. also pretty happy with the discussion, I think my conclusions were pretty solid and interesting.

if-i-coulda-woulda-shoulda :/

[edit, next morning afternoon: so uh, i was anxious about the paper wile writing it and took an exedrin because of the anxious headache i got over it and the caffeine in the pill amplified my anxiety and that did not feel good at all]

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transboysokka · 9 months

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A short Zukka h/c story through dialogues. They're just really fucked up.

CW: big themes around eating disorders, small themes around alcoholism, one or two mentions of [emetophobia], general angst

"Zu...?" "Hm?" "You know how you said you'd tell me if things got bad again?" "Yeah?" "Well..." "What?" "When was the last time you had something to eat?" "...Oh."

"You wanna talk about it?" "I don't even know what to say, Sokka. I'm just Like This..." "Well, you know I'm here for you." "I know, babe. I love you so much."

"I'm so hungry..." "Then you should eat something, baby..." "I just... can't."

"Would it help if we went somewhere else? We could sneak out to the night market and find some xiaochi." "Okay, yeah. Some watermelon juice sounds nice." "Okay, but maybe something else too? Would you share some douhua with me?" "...Okay. I'll try." "That's all I ever ask, babe."

"Another headache?" "Mmhmm. Bad." "It'll help if you..." "Can't eat right now. I'd just puke it up." "Okay, let's try some apple juice."

"Babe, you know I don't like to pressure you..." "I know. I love you for it." "I'm just really worried..." "I know. I'm sorry." "I'm sorry too, babe... But I have an idea." "Hm?" "Would it help if every night before we go to bed, you tell me what you've eaten that day? For accountability." "...." "Zu?" "I hate that idea. But I do think it will help..." "Okay, great!" "Today I had some orange juice." "Babe, that's..." "What?" "Nothing. Thank you for sharing with me."

"I had some rice at lunch today." "I'm proud of you."

"Sokka? It's a little early to be drinking." "What? Oh, I just--" "Hang on, I'll get a glass and join you." "No! That's... Really not a good idea..." "Why?" "I mean... on an empty stomach?"

"Babe, I had dinner with my uncle today!" "That's great! What did you guys have?" "You mean, did I eat anything." "Well-" "Yeah, I had a bowl of bantiao and a few servings of cabbage." "That's so great, baby, I'm so proud of you! How do you feel?" "Like I'm gonna be sick."

"Baby, I'm sorry, I try not to be like this with you, but I'm just so worried..." "Sokka, I'm fine." "You haven't been yourself at all. You're having outbursts during council meetings. You aren't training anymore, you sleep way too much. You look... This getting dangerous, Zu." "I said I'm fine! I've made it this long." "Baby. You haven't eaten anything in days..." "That's not even true! I've had juice!" "Zuko. I think it's time we let somebody else help us with this problem." "It's not a problem! I have lots of issues, but this isn't a problem-" "I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said-" "Just leave me the hell alone! This doesn't even affect you." "Doesn't affect me?! Do you know what it does to me to see you like this every day, wasting away? You're killing yourself, Zuko, and I can't let you. If you don't eat something tomorrow, I swear I'm going to have to take you to-" "You wouldn't dare." "Babe, I have to. I can't just-" "If you take me there, I'm never speaking to you again. You can't do that to me. I thought you loved me!" "Baby..." "I'm... I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I'm so sorry Sokka, I know I'm fucked up and I love you so much, I'm sorry..." "...I... I can't do this right now."

"Sokka, I'm getting worried about all this drinking..." "Oh, you're worried about me! Fucking rich." "Sokka, really, you've had enough." "So eat something, then." "...What?" "Yeah. You're the one doing this to me. I won't stop drinking until you get help." "Sokka, that's... not fair..." "You doing this to yourself is what's not fair!" "Sokka..." "I won't eat until you eat."

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry I said that..." "I'm sorry too."

"Today I ate-" "You're fucking lying." "...What?" "I asked the kitchen staff about what they've been preparing for you and they said you haven't been in the dining room all week." "So you're spying on me now?" "Baby, you need help. We both do. I'm calling Katara." "I... Fine."

"Katara says I need to eat three meals a day, every day." "She says I need to stop drinking." "She's gonna watch me eat." "She's gonna check up on me every day too." "Why are you laughing?" "How did we get like this?"

"Sokka, I'm sorry I haven't been there for your recovery." "Hey, this is for life. And you know you're not responsible for this, right? It's... always been a problem." "I just want to be there for you." "And I know that, baby. But the best way you can help me right now is by working on yourself."

"How are you doing, Zu?" "This is... really hard." "For me too. But it's worth it." "Yeah." "I'm always... thinking about it." "Me too." "I just feel like I need to be in control, you know?" "Is that how it started? The food thing?" "Yeah, maybe." "Thanks for telling me, babe."

"I just get so angry sometimes." "You want to talk about it?" "I'm angry that I did this to myself, that I couldn't see that I was sick. I'm angry that it took me so long to even want to get help. I'm angry that I destroyed my body. Katara says it will take time, but I want to go train and I hate that I'm not strong enough yet." "You need to be kind to yourself. Your body is recovering from starvation." "I know that. And I'm trying. To be kind. But I hate that I've already starved once in my life and I've done it again to myself, but willingly this time." "Not willingly..." "I'm so weak, Sokka." "No, babe. You're strong. You survived this. And you decided all on your own to get better." "We'll help each other." "Yeah, we will. It's not gonna be easy." "It never is. I knew that when I fell in love with you."

#did i write this just because im Going Through It? lol yeah #maybe ill post this to ao3 but probably not bc its so short #zukka #atla #drabble #disordered eating /#emetophobia /#alcohol /

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headpainmigraine · 11 months

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Migraine isn't a Headache Part Four: but what if a headache is all I get?

I was reading through the notes on some other posts and realised that a lot of people are looking for answers re: what their headache could be.

Migraine is underdiagnosed and grossly misunderstood as 'headache' when it isn't a headache, but likewise, some people might dismiss their headache as migrane when they're dealing with a different beast entirely.

If you're bothered by persistent headaches, frequent (weekly/daily) headaches, but don't really experience the myriad of other symptoms that form a migraine, there are a host of differential diagnoses that should be investigated.

It might be worth taking some small measures first before going through the hassle of seeing a doctor. Headaches can be caused by:

Dehydration (I know 'have you had water' is a common thing to be asked when you say you've had a headache, but make sure that you are actually consuming enough fluids - dehydration can absolutely cause bastard headaches, and it's REALLY EASY to be dehydrated if you're busy working and don't look up to drink something)

Eye strain (It might be easier for you to see an optician/optomertrist than a doctor, plus if there ARE any issues, they're usually easier to sort out with glasses, a new prescription, or different types of lenses. Even if you have 20/20 vision, they can at least a) rule out eyestrain)

Hunger (Food is a touchy topic, so I'm not going to linger on it, but eating something small when you have a headache might help. Sometimes I don't feel hungry, but make myself eat a banana or a cracker or something, just to appease the beast)

Bad Sleep (Not enough sleep, too much sleep, poor quality sleep, sleep apnea, so many sleep things can cause headaches that it's a topic of it's own; you can help by practiscing good sleep hygeine, but a routine bedtime/waketime factoring in sufficient hours is really helpful with this)

Stress (This one isn't something you can easily fix at home, especially if your stress is, you know, the cost of living, working your job and every other thing life can throw at us, but noting that you get headaches when you experience stress can make you more aware of when you might need to pamper yourself a little, or to tell a doctor if you're seeking diagnosis)

Caffeine (the whole thing about 'caffeine addiction' is medically disputed, but you can definitely get headaches from stopping drinking caffeine, but also from drinking too much. A lot of people with migraine find relief when drinking caffeine, and it's included in a lot of painkillers, but if you suspect caffeine might be something to do with your headaches, maybe avoid those. It's easy to tell, you just need to stop caffeine for maybe a week or two and see if your headaches improve.)

I'm going to mention Medication Overuse/Rebound Headache here, because it can be eased without medical treatment, but there are all sorts of issues around that.

This apparently doesn't happen if you're taking painkillers for something other than headache, because why not make life harder for people with them. If you take the same painkillers for, eg, back pain, neck pain, arthritis, etc, you don't tend to get rebound headaches.

If you have headaches usually migraine or tension type) and are taking painkillers too frequently (more than 10 days per month) for too long (more than 3 months) you can develop headaches caused by taking too many painkillers.

Messed up, right?

I've had these headaches alongside migraine and they are EVIL. I can only describe them as seething.

Overuse of opioids and triptans are most likely to provoke rebound headache (yeah, the ones migraineurs take, can't catch a break)

Paracetamol and aspirin are the next culprits, with NSAIDs like ibupfrofen and naproxen having less likelihood, but still very much there.

Medication overuse headaches can be resolved by not taking pain medication.

That sounds simple, but in reality, living it, it's hell. For the first few days after you stop taking painkillers, the headaches are… spectactular. Intense, crunchy, sparkling pain, acid in your blood pain. Not to mention that you have no treatment for whatever you were taking painkillers to cope with in the first place.

Coming off everything for 2-3 weeks does seem to beat MOH, and the relief when they stop happening is as great as the pain is in those first few days, but you can always redevelop it if you go back to taking more painkillers.

So, what do you do to prevent medication overuse headache while not leaving yourself untreated for the headache you were taking the painkillers for?

Medical advice is to limit the usage of headache medications, no more than 2-3 days a week, or less than 10 days a month, and to avoid opioids and triptans as much as possible.

That doesn't really help if you're getting a headache every other day of the month. This is where preventative treatments are supposed to be utilised, to treat the headache instead of just dulling the pain. I don't have to tell anyone who's already a spoonie that trying to get this treatment is difficult, and that's assuming the preventative measures work for you.

But honestly, personally, I'd rather have a migraine than medication overuse headaches, seriously.

There are so many different types of headache, and other illnesses where headache is a symptom and not the illness itself, that I can't list them all.

You shouldn't diagnose headache disorders over the internet.

I'm not going to pretend that seeing a doctor isn't a financial/energetic/emotional/time scale difficulty for a lot of people, but a) headache can be a sign of something serious, b) even if it's not there may be "easy" treatments for it and c) there are treatments for headache that you can't buy over the counter.

It's one thing to go to a doctor and say you have XYZ symptoms, so you suspect you have headaches/migraines, but treating for, example, migraine when you have another type of headache is just going to waste your money and possibly harm you.

Other types of headaches can include:

Tension Headache - usually felt like a tight band around the head, not necessarily caused by tense muscles, but often triggered by stress, among other things; very commonly confused with migraine, they don't present with other symptoms of migraine like nausea, aura, etc; there's a LOT of information about tension headaches online, and is one of the most common causes of persistent or chronic headache complaints

Cluster Headache - also called 'suicide headache', the pain is so bad that sufferers often can't sit still, rocking, pacing or banging their head into a wall. this is a 'something in one side of my face pulling my cheek away from the skull' pain, that also usually presents with a red/watering eye, sinus disruption on that side, drooping eyelid. onset is fast, with headache lasting 15 minutes to 3 hours and occuring 1-8 times a day. they usually appear in bouts, followed by remission and then reappearance.

Thunderclap headache - sudden onset, reaches intensity in less than a minute, extremely severe pain; if you have one of these for the first time, you should seek immediate medical attention; they can be benign, but they can be a sign of brain injury, stroke, blood vessel tears/ruptures/bloackages

As well as:

hemicrania continua

ice pick headache

sinus headache/other sinus disorders (not a headache disorder in and of itself)

hormone/menstrual headache

hypertension headache

post-traumatic headache

chiari malformations (not a headache disorder, rather where the brain starts to slip into the spinal canal; headache can be a symptom for some people; it's not often talked about, so I thought I'd put it here)

This isn't everything, they all have different diagnosis paths, different symptoms that come along with them, different experiences between people who have them.

Headache is a massive area of differential diagnoses, it's always worth seeing a doctor for diagnosis and proper treatment, if you can.

Back to Migraines in the next part

#headache #headache awareness #migraine awareness month #migraine #chronic headache #chronic migraine #spoonies #chronic pain #migraine isn't a headache

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worldwright · 3 months

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good evening ! im super early today bc im dying lmao

man, it was so fucking hard to fall asleep after my war against that fucking stinkbug, and someone i wont name fucking deserted and left her leader to fight this great and horrifying enemy

anyway, i checked which fucking painkiller i can take, and the only one i can is paracetamol but this fucker does nothing to my headaches, so im switching entirely to water from tea bc it works better than a fucking painkiller

i slept bad (what a surprise), my father woke me up bc he couldnt find me (man, the only day he wants to know where the fuck i am is the only where i dont wnat him to find him), a headache is there and my nap didnt help ;-; but at least i finished my second watch of glass onion (started last week) and watched the episode of dunmesh and now i can say w/o any doubt that chilchuck is my fav -he was from the very beginning but ude, now im sure)

ill be able to finally sleep in my bed tonight yay

and here a picture the coward from this morning (or icecream, or latte, or whatever you like to compare her to. my friends call her "table basse" [coffee table] or "chieng en format familial" [familiy-sized doggo]. youre too kind with your nicknames for her lol)

have a wonderful morning with your partner my friend !

o how decadent is her lounging !! would that we could all feel the same peace 😌❤️

(no that is not proper English grammar don't copy me 😭😭)

hehe tiny emojis 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🍃🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

immmmmm so excited to hang out with people I felt like I was withering lmfao

I think I'm gonna go up to see all my friends next weekend, since all of them are once again living in their dream life shared apartment with the besties ughhhh I can't wait to live there

the new office manager at my job is so cool :3 he's incredibly gay lmfao

I've officially caught up on apothecary diaries. ugh what do I do with my life now

obviously the answer is wait impatiently for every new episode and write analysis posts in the meantime

mmm I wanna reread witch hat atelier...... next week downtime obsession found 👍👍

egg salad last night was all right! I accidentally added too much mayonnaise and then had to overcorrect from there, so it ended up not having as much egg per volume as it should have. but still tasty and nutritious :3

speaking of food you're SO valid about Chilchuck. he's just ❤️❤️❤️ This Is A Divorced Father Of Three With Extreme Communication Issues ❤️❤️❤️ who looks like a middle schooler 🥰🥰🥰

also chatted with a friend about our fic ideas, which was really fun. the problem is that I have a really fleshed-out AU, but I don't know what actual plot to put in the AU. lol. ahhhhhhh

girlfriend weekend!!!!! girlfriend weekend!!!!!!!!

hope your headache goes away in time for you to get good sleep tonight!!

#pen pal

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