Ahaha..yeah
Context: They saw me eating pickles (that is my only food source for today)
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GRA NA GŁOD PRZEZ NUDE
Zawsze miałam wielki problem z wytrxymaniem głodu podczas siedxenia w domu bo po prostu czesto jadlam z nudow. Wymysliłam na to mega patent. Gra z sobą. otóż jeśli wstajesz np o 9 to ustalasz sobie że nic nir wezmiesz do ust o 12, jesli ci sie uda i czujesz ze jeszcze dasz rade (jak czesto jest w moim przypadku) to ustalasz sobie godzine później. Starasz sie zjezc jak najmniej kalorii. To bardzo pomaga na nude bo już wtedy nie nudzisz się a myślisz grze tz.o ustalaniu posiłków i o tym że musisz wygrać ze sobą i czujesz sie silna.
Niby nic specjalnego a na mnie bardzo działa bo bez problemu moge wtedy wytrzymywać kilka fastow pod rząd.
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Today...
Today I woke up and did some pilates/yoga, took a shower, brushed my hair and teeth, even did my makeup.
I could look myself in a mirror without feeling too disgusted about myself. I definitely know I am going maniac right now, but honestly, I am pretty okay with it. I haven't felt an ounce of serotonin in months.
I am still scared of weighting myself.. but measurements look okay. No gain, no lost either.
Today it will be okay, little bunny...
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seeing the number drop, looking in the mirror and seeing progress, the control, the pain. it’s what keeps me going
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god my jaw hurts because of all the gum I’ve had today
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welcome back my fitness pal.. I know you’ve missed me
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I'd have to say the worst symptom is irritability because I am just so grumpy all the time especially to my brothers and I don't like being mean but it's really hard to control it sometimes
but then again the shaking and feeling faint and weak is pretty bad too lol
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Sometimes you need to fuck off everyone and everything and just breathe.. remember how to be safe, how to stay in control, how to stay alive..
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Day 4:
𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑏𝑡 𝑤𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑠;
I’m scared I need hospitalization and forced recovery at some point.
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It is bad that I am debating taking the meds they prescribed before a colonoscopy to feel empty and pretty on my birthday sunday ??
Like, am I in the wrong here ?!
I just wanna be beautiful
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