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fang-toothed · 9 months

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You know one thing I’m really fucking tired of? I’m tired of modals and celebs claiming to be “healthy” and “naturally skinny” when they are so fucking obviously underweight. It makes girls and boys alike think an underweight female body is the norm and is healthy, holds up beauty standards, and convinces girls that they too can reach that BMI by eating “healthy” and some other bullshit and if they can’t, then they’re the problem.

I have (and still am, to some degree) struggled with an eating disorder since my junior year of high school, where I got to the point of being anorexic. Thankfully, I at least started to become unable to restrict that heavily, though I still had a toxic mindset and some bulimic tendencies. I’ve been doing pretty well in the last 8 months or so, but unfortunately, I’m dealing with what seems to be chronic GI issues (still trying to get a diagnosis to figure out what’s going on) and have involuntarily lost a little over 8% of my body weight in the last 6 months. That really doesn’t sound like much, but when you’re already at a fairly low, but still healthy BMI, that can push you into being slightly underweight, as I have unwillingly experienced.

I don’t have pictures of my anorexic days, and I was having depression treatment that wiped out a lot of my memory at the time, so I didn’t have a great grasp of what my body would look like when I crossed the border from healthy to underweight. And I was mindblown from how “normal” my body seemed to be when I knew definitively that I was underweight.

It’s true you can’t get an exact measure of someone’s weight from a picture, but as someone who’s currently slightly underweight, I can at least tell now when someone’s either underweight or healthy weight. And not to target her in particular, but Ariana Grande is DEFINITELY underweight by a good margin. I doubt she’s even in the yellow zone of underweight at 17.5 to 18.4 BMI, where she’d at least be out of the danger zone. She has her collar bones and ribcage jutting out, a head that looks huge on her tiny body, and sticks for arms and legs. It is impossible to be healthy with that little weight and body fat. Here’s a recent picture of her below:

I have to admit, it was Grande’s recent “oh I’m just eating healthy and vegan and you can’t know if I’m healthy or not” video blog that sparked this post. But she’s far from the only celeb to post this bullshit. And I’m just fucking exhausted of it all. Being significantly underweight is NEVER healthy, with the possible exemption of being a specific type of athlete and/or just hitting a growth spurt. But if you’re 99.9 percent of adults, you do not fall in either category.

I just want this toxic standard of women’s weight to be preferably underweight while pretending it’s totally fine and good to end.

#radfems do interact #gender critical #radblr #radical feminists do touch #radical feminist #ramblings #beauty standards

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pixaho · 2 months

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Hello! How are you doing today? May I please request a fic of H&L where the reader gets scouted by a modeling agency and gets pressured to lose weight, so they become anorexic, they're dating Tsukasa and they faint from hunger on a date with him, then he sees how modeling is taking a toll on their mental health, him begging them to quit? I know it's a serious topic, and I didn't see it on your won't write section, but if it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to write anything. I'll respect your boundaries as a writer and think of something within your will right section. Have a lovely day!

A Beautiful Disaster | Tsukasa

♥ Pairing | Tsukasa x Model Reader ♥ AU? No | ♥ Word Count | 631

♥ Warnings | Eating Disorder, talks about ED, angst and fluff.

♥ A/N | This is a serious topic, and just like how I said I do write addictions, I will write this. If it isn't in my "won't write" then you can request it. Thank you for requesting (I have stalked your page a little because I love finding other H&L writers) and I hope you enjoy this!

M.LIST H&L LIST

It had been 6 months since you'd gotten the modeling gig. 6 long grueling months of work and trying to lose weight. Your way of losing the weight wasn't healthy and you knew it but the progress was working. That was until today.

Tsukasa had invited you to join him, for a date, at your favorite place to eat and relax. Even though he wouldn't say it out loud, he had expressed that he loved your enthusiasm about modeling, he just wanted you to stay safe because he cared. Only you'd done the opposite. You had put your health in risk. Although others were blind to how it was effecting you, one person had noticed it. Tsukasa.

While you had been out with him, he noticed how pale you are.

"Hon?" Tsukasa spoke softly as he looked at you. You were shaking, your lips were cracked and you had bags under your eyes.

You had honestly not even heard him, the sound of your heart beating filled your ears which you didn't even snap out of when he grabbed your hand and turned you towards him. Then everything went black. Your head hurt and you couldn't open your eyes. You heard people gasping and Tsukasa yelling for them to back the hell up. When you could open them, you saw the sun and his eyes. Not the usual look in his eyes that he had given everyone, including you, but a look of concern and anger.

A few minutes later, or at least what seemed as minutes to you was really hours, and you had awoken once again in a hospital. There was 3 others in the room apart from Tsukasa. Each with concern, but him with a look that practically yelled anger.

Fujio was the first to speak, everybody turning to look at him as he did so. "Y/N, do you know what happened?"

"Hm?" You could only make noises, too tired to actually attempt a sentence.

"You passed out." Fujio mumbled.

"From hunger." Jamuo spoke up after him.

Todoroki, who only joined them purely because he was out when you had passed out, decided to say something. "I think it's best if we give Tsukasa and her some time alone to talk. He seems like he has something to say."

With that, the 3 of them walked out. Once they were out of the room, you turned to look at him. But he didn't even look at you. He was holding your phone.

"Tsu..." You shakingly tried.

"We need you to lose weight before the next photoshoot." He kept scrolling.

"Good news, we got a new photoshoot, lose more weight." "We noticed you gained some weight, could you try a new diet to lose that weight?" "N/N (Nick name) congrats on losing all that weight! We've got a photoshoot today."

Finally, his eyes look up from the phone at you. "There was no diet. You were starving yourself."

"I'm sorry Tsu, I really am. I-" You stuttered trying to form any type of words before he got up. Thinking he was going to leave, you tried to move your legs before he grabbed the chair and scooted it towards you.

"Please." He placed his head next to your hand. "You are one of the best things I've had in my life and I don't want to lose you but you need to eat. That or quit the modeling gig."

Your hand was shaking as he took it in his, rubbing his thumb across it. "I know that it will take us a lot of work to get you through it and I'm willing to try. Just please."

You didn't know how to respond, instead you just dragged your other hand across the bed and rubbed his head with it.

"I'll try."

I did it- lowkey this was going to be longer but I'm tired and I do hope you enjoyed this. I'm trying to do so much right now LOL. I hope everyone enjoyed this story and please do remember that if you are going through this, you aren't alone. It's a cliche thing to say but it is true. Anorexia isn't a fun thing to go through and you may think it helps, but in the long run it ruins so much more. Thank you for requesting this.

♥ Mutuals | @talusional @dillpick

^ Remember if you want to be a mutual, just ask and I'll add you to the mutual list so you can be reminded when I post a new thing everyday / every few days.

#elixirol0gy #high and low fanfic #high and low #highandlowfanfic #fluff #highandlowtsukasa #tsukasa x reader #high and low tsukasa x reader

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aimsmee · 7 months

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Herbert West x gender neutral reader

Herbert was busy working in his laboratory when you came in. He was so focused that he didn't even hear the door loudly close behind you. He had what looked like an arm in front of him, and he was attaching it to a body.

"Well, hello there, Mr. Scientist..." You said in a flirtatous tone. Herbert almost jumped when he heard you.

"Jesus, Y/N, can you not knock?" Herbert sighed, putting down the arm.

"Oops, my bad, Mr. West, Didn't mean to interrupt your work." You giggled. Herbert gave you a quick small smile and then turned around, rummaging through the various items on his desk. When the finally found what he was looking for, he turned around slowly and held it up in the air.

"The new serum." He called it. It was a syringe with green liquid, though it looked darker than the ones from before.

"Well, why don't you show me what this serum does?" You asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"But... Dan's not here yet." Herbert complained.

"So? Maybe that makes it... Better." You grinned.

"Yes... Perhaps you're right. You are, after all, way more supportive. And I could go without his useless whining today." Herbert agreed, nodding.

Herbert pointed out the feet of the body. "The feet of a ballerina." He pointed to the legs. "The legs of a stripper." The stomach... "The stomach of an anorexic..."

The arms and hands of a lawyer"

"The head of Dan's patiention"

"And the heart of Dan's dead girlfriend."

"And what made you want to make her?" You asked.

Herbert blushed. "Well... It started out as just an experiment, but... well, I guess I suster get lonely..." He confessed.

"You're kidding. You? Herbert West? Lonely?"

"Listen, Y/N, I do not appreciate the soke. I am human which means I have emotions just like do and although I do not believe in love I still like the feeling of caring for someone and being cared for."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Herbert. I didn't mean it..." You apologized profusely.

"It's alright, Y/N. Please just don't ever belittle my feelings." Herbert sighed, turning back to his experiment.

"If I'm being honest, Herbert, I feel the same way." You told him.

He ignored you.

This poor man was so oblivious, he must've never experienced love during his whole life. You felt bad for him.

"Oh my goodness, take a goddamn hint, Herbert!" You blurted out.

Herbert looked at you with a surprised and confused expression.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"I'm talking about the fact that you never notice the hints I practically throw at you." You explained.

"What hints?"

You rolled your eyes and cupped his face with your hands. "These hints."

Herbert blushed and stared up at you, your eyes locking. You adored him.

"Y/N, are you trying to tell me that you are attracted to me?" Herbert asked. You grinned and nodded your head, getting in front of him and sitting on his lap.

"You know, for someone so smart.. You can be really stupid sometimes." You giggled.

"Well.. I think I could make time for you in my schedule. I must say, I have always found you very attractive, Y/N."

"I know." You winked. "Im not as oblivious as you are." You smirked, moving in and kissing his lips.

#herbert west #reanimator #herbert west x reader #horror #slasher fic

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patricide1885 · 1 month

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EDs are one of the mental illnesses I know the least about and have had the least training on (to where I am absolutely not qualified to treat someone with an ED, though knowing how orgs work and how little they care they will be trying to put them on my caseload anyway) but my mentality is if you have anorexia why not eat mostly protein then since it doesn't really convert to fat even if you eat way above maintenance? Is it a lack of knowledge? Or ethics? Most anorexics I know are vegan nonbinary men who are very vague about the reason for their ED, though weight loss does tend to factor into it they downplay it's role.

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thisisthinprivilege · 6 months

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Submitted anonymously

My mom is fat. I am fat. Disclosure, though, I'm a small fat, and my weight would be considered pretty average if I was taller. So I still have some privilege, since I fit into "straight" sizes and am only a bit overweight.

Anyway, I've dealt with a lot of shit for being overweight, mostly from my also overweight mom. She is, I guess, a small fat too. She's short, too. But she can fit into seats and whatnot and is nowhere near enormous. Actually, she's pretty small in size.

Well, my mother is absolutely mentally ill. She encourages starving yourself, talks about her bulimic and anorexic tendencies as a teenager as if it was no big deal, and when I tell her she had (has?) an eating disorder, she denies it. VEHEMENTLY. And she agrees that her relationship with food is unhealthy, but still denies her having an eating disorder. She hardly eats.

Well, I recently got into a huge fight with her because she said, and I quote, "I don't like fat people."

I got really angry and asked her why she hates fat people if she herself is overweight. And then I told her that I'm pretty big myself and that she was pretty much insulting me.

Then she starting talking about how all fat people are "fat pigs" and that they ALL eat too much, ALL don't exercise, etc. I asked her why she's overweight if she hardly eats, and she didn't respond.

This is the same mom who constantly tells me if I lose weight I'll be liked more, have boys like me, look better in clothes, be prettier, be worth more, etc. A few years back I tried to starve myself, and when she found out, instead of being upset that I was potentially developing an eating disorder, she told me "if you're going to starve you need to eat at least ONE thing a day to get your nutrients."

LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK? She should have been telling me that I was beautiful and perfect the way I was, but instead she was telling me to basically starve save for one snack a day. She tells me people don't typically like fat people, etc, and then denies that she ever says anything to me about my weight when I bring it up to her.

When I was, like 10, FUCKING TEN, she told me I was fat, point-blank, to my face. I was only 90 pounds.

She constantly makes comments about my thick legs, and asks me if I want to look more like my skinny friends. When I say I don't care, she tells me that I actually do care. Because EVERYONE who's overweight just wants dreadfully to be thin, apparently.

We had a HUGE fight, and I was crying and telling her she was indecent and shouldn't judge people based off of their bodies, and she spewed some bullshit about how people like to be around "healthy" people and not fat people.

Every time she wants to make me want to lose weight, she tells me boys like skinny girls and I will finally "be noticed" once I lose weight. When I tell her I don't care about appeasing shallow fuckboys, she doesn't believe me and says that all teenage girls like boys and want boys to be all over them. Okay, lol. Sure. "If you ever want a boyfriend and want to have fun in high school, you need to lose weight. Sorry, but boys like skinny girls."

Hm. Okay.

So, encourage me to have an eating disorder, insult me, tell me I'm not worth enough if I'm not thin. I really don't understand. She's overweight herself, and she's abusive to me. She was when I was very young too, but I didn't realize how unhealthy it was until recently. She hates that I'm a fat activist and thinks I'm going to get my "ass kicked" one day for supporting basic human decency. Hm.

Thin privilege is not having ALREADY FAT PEOPLE reprimand you for your natural body type.

Thin privilege is not being insulted and abused by parents for their body.

#weight talk #fat discrimination #fat hate #fat hatred #fatphobia #diet culture #trigger warning

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imnot-yula19 · 9 months

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Mirror

Miles Earth-42 x Reader

₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚

Summary: you are at school and some classmates attack you so you are pensive and Miles decides to comfort you.

Warning: explicit content, +18 scenes, self-esteem issues and bullying.

₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚

₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ˚₊·₊˚ˑ༄ؘ

Since I can remember I have always had a complex with my body for types of comments such as if I am very thin or if I am gaining weight.

Today, for example, when I was in the high school bathrooms, a group of girls approached me and began to ask me how Miles could be with a girl like me, how could he be with a thin anorexic and not funny at all. Obviously those comments made me doubt if I was really the one for him, if it was really worth it as he constantly told me. Even though I have already left the bathroom, the girls never got tired of bothering me and during the last classes they kept making hurtful comments towards my body.

While I was leaving the institute I was thinking about all this, thinking about whether I should end our relationship or if I should tell him everything those girls told me. I just decided it was better to forget about it and get home to do my homework, shower and sleep.

═.☆.══════ .☆. ══════ .☆.═

When I got home I greeted mom that she was getting ready to go to work, as she worked the night shift at the hospital that is a few blocks from home.

I went up the stairs while mom said goodbye and went out the front door, when I got to my room, I threw the backpack on the bed and took off my uniform, leaving me in my underwear. At that moment I was in front of the mirror, looking at my reflection in it and wondering how Miles was still with me.

I would look at my small breasts, my stretch marks on my hips and those small scars that I got from falling off my bike as a child, I would also look at my thin limbs and wonder if I was really an anorexic girl or if I was really healthy.

At that moment I hear a loud sound on the fire escapes of the building, knowing who it was I went to the window to open it and to hear that at that moment Miles decided to enter my room. He was still wearing the uniform, which made him look very good.

"What's up, mami" he said while he looked at my room and looked at me from top to bottom. At that moment I realize that I'm still in my underwear so I go to my closet to find and put on a shirt that he had clearly left here the last time he came. Why didn't you wait for me to go together?

"Sorry, I was in a bit of a hurry and I had to do homework" I said avoiding his gaze and approaching the bed to pick up my backpack and take out the books and some notes. Miles, surprised by my avoidant attitude, approached from behind and hugged me "What's wrong, cariño? Are you OK?" he asked with a hint of curiosity and concern.

I just couldn't tell him what had happened with those girls, I couldn't find a way to tell him what I was thinking about us, so I just lowered my head while taking some notes and little tears came out of my eyes, which I quickly wiped away with the back of my hand.

"Amor? Why are you crying?" Miles asked now if he really worried. "It's just… Do you really love me? Am I enough for you?" I said now if breaking into tears.

Worried, Miles sat on the bed and sat me on his lap to take my face with his hands and wipe my tears while we looked into each other's eyes "Of course you are, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, both outside and inside, what's more, you're too much for someone like me" he said while looking at me adoringly and caressing my cheek. "Why did you think that? Is someone bothering you at school?" I nodded slightly as I lowered my gaze. Miles, frowning with anger, began to mutter curses, but seeing that my gaze lowered, he took my chin to make me look into his eyes "Listen to me, you're the most beautiful person I know apart from my mother, you're a lot for this planet full of idiots who don't value what you really are, I want you to learn that, okay? I want you to understand that as much as people say you're insufficient, it's just nonsense bullshit. I love you just the way you are, I love your face, your body and your soul, don't forget it" after that he placed a chaste kiss on my lips and then gave another deeper and longer kiss.

That kiss was increasing in intensity while Miles took my waist to get closer to him and I took him by the neck while playing with some hair that came out of his braids. As time passed the kiss deepened so he turned us over to be on top of me and spread kisses from my cheek to my neck, I gasped every time he bit my sensitive spot on my neck.

Little by little, he was removing the shirt he was wearing until he left me in my underwear again, while I was removing his shirt while I touched his abdomen marked by so much exercise. Miles separated a little from me to take off his shoes and pants to only be in boxers. Noticing this, I looked him up and down, appreciating how handsome my boyfriend was, he only gave a sarcastic smile as he went down again to kiss my lips and get rid of my bottom, although it wasn't our first time, I was still nervous so I covered my breasts, when he noticed this he took my hands "you're beautiful, don't hide from me, baby" he said, interrupted by the kisses he was leaving from my clavicle to my breasts, I could only let go haha wishes and small muffled moans.

After paying a little attention to my breasts, he lowered his hand until he reached my panties and put his hand under them to reach my sensitive point and give it circular massages, at this rate I was already letting out louder moans for the pleasure that this gave me. When he realizes what he is doing to me, he smiles as he looks me in the eye and lowers his manl further until he reaches my entrance "oh, so I'm leaving you that wet?" I simply roll my eyes as I let out a loud moan because when he received that answer from me he introduced two fingers inside me and began to move them quickly "Miles" I moaned out loud when I felt him fold his fingers inside me "yes, cariño? What do you want?" I moaned as I felt him take his fingers out of him suddenly as I lowered my panties to be fully exposed to him. "Please, fuck me" I said almost out of breath because of what had happened before and because of my orgasm retained inside me. "If you ask so much," he says with a sarcastic smile as he approaches the nightstand to take out one of the condom envelopes and approach me again. I take the envelope out of his hands as I sit down, then lower his boxers and receive a slap from his erection. When Miles sees this, he lets out a laugh with a muffled groan, because when he hears it, I take his member and squeeze him to make him stop laughing. After that little show I carefully open the silver envelope with my fingers then slide the condom over the length of it. Miles sits on the bed and then pats his legs, he wants her to mind.

"Come on baby, please daddy" I obediently get up to be able to place myself on his lap and lift myself up a little bit to insert the tip of his member into my squirting hole. Feeling myself lower and feeling the length of him fill me completely we let out a loud moan. Being a big penis I have to wait a bit to get used to its size, during which Miles caresses my waist with one hand and the other goes to my face to turn it around a bit so he can kiss my neck better.

Being used to his size, I decide to start making circles with my hips while we both let out a few gasps. Thousands already in desperation takes my hips and helps me to carry a continuous rhythm from top to bottom while he kisses my breasts or whispers in my ear that I am very beautiful.

After a while in that position my legs start to get tired so Miles makes me get up and place my back to him, to take my legs and open them to get up, I take his member between my fingers to make him enter again, feeling that he's already inside begins to thrust fast and deep, I moan loudly while he lets out a year of grunts and gasps. Sometimes I'm amazed at how strong Miles can be.

After a couple of thrusts we change position and he places me on all fours on the edge of the bed to re-enter with a strong and deep lunge "MILES!" I moan loudly when I feel that sudden wave of excitement and pleasure. "Fuck, Mami. You are very tight" he whispers for the pleasure to then increase his stretches and go faster, because I feel that we are already close to the limit.

A couple more thrusts and the knot in our bellies explodes into a pleasurable feeling, we moan loudly and I wouldn't be surprised if the others in the building heard us. Miles slowly pulls out of me as I collapse onto the mattress and he heads to the bathroom to throw the used condom away.

When I come back I see him with a wet towel and he approaches me to clean the residue of my orgasm. "Are you OK? Wasn't I too rude?" he asks with a trace of concern in his tone of voice. "No, it's ok, it was amazing and I'm just a little tired. How about we lie down and sleep for a while?" I ask with a tender smile on my face while he smiles back at me, places the towel on the desk chair and approaches me to lie down and cover us with the sheets.

As we are already well settled, I decide to hug him and he hugs me back and then caresses my hair, slightly damp from sweat.

"I love you, never forget it, okay?" He says with love while he gives me a smile.

"I love you too, Mimi" he let out a slight laugh at the strange nickname.

After those words we fell into a deep sleep. Or at least until it was time to leave because my mom would come home from work and we don't want her to find us like this.

◆═════════●★●═════════◆

This story is of my complete authorship.

Please do not copy or adapt in any way. I would greatly appreciate it.

#across the spiderverse #miles morales #hobiebrown #Spiderman #miles prower #miles earth 42 #fanfic #spicy content #sexy content #+18 content

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system-of-a-feather · 5 months

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General update, but we are good. Four miles in he calmed down enough to actually get himself humor what we were saying.

We have plans for this sort of stuff and honestly, "loosing 40 pounds" is not that huge of a deal and we were planning on doing it more properly after surgery cause our chest makes it difficult plus we are currently having to operate with a nerve issue in our hands so we have to be careful about straining it, but we were planning to do it anyways.

Plus XIV while set off and in his pisser over blew how bad I am and even were back when I was in charge of physical health because even if I ever did want to do any anorexic shit, Lucille is >my< cover and will beat my ass before I starve (/lh /joking). XIV is just a better man to have in charge because he can easily and reliably handle multiple realms of physical health with little issue or risk of going overboard AND make sure the system can still have a fun relationship with food.

That said, there are a number of places we can healthily adjust out food intake that we've laxxed back a lot because of mental health situation and stressors that made it a lower priority - but we have recently cleared out mental expenses towards PhD applications by having those finished as of today and we honestly needed a challenge to keep Riku from getting depressed anyways, so it works out and its a small deal.

XIV just >really< hates BMI as a concept even when he isn't effected by it and so its a shit storm in itself.

The thing with me and managing our health is that I'm autistic over it and back when I was way less stabilized and the system was overall way less stabilized, I'd get borderline OCD about it. These days though I'm just here and chilling and its whatever. Plus XIV's still there to tell me to shut the fuck up, hes just on medical leave.

Anyways, Ray the gatekeeper is in charge of food and exercise maintenance again after 2-3 years of being retired. I'll probably be up and around the front a bit more for the next few days while we establish a new routine and mode and shit, so maybe Ill chat more who knows.

#alter: ray #update #system update #eating disorder cw #ed cw #eating disorder tw #ed tw

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aamircoeur · 2 years

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hello :) can you write something where fade and sage realize their s/o (reader) bulimic/anorexic? how would they confront the reader? i would really love some comfort :) thank you!!

hi darling !! sorry it took a while, i was busy with some personal things. genuinely hope that you get through this safely babe, take care of yourself. i know you can. thank you for the ask :)

Fade & Sage X Reader with an E.D.

GN!Reader. they/them pronouns. hc format.

warnings: possible ooc, eating disorders, bad mental health

a/n: hello! i am unfamiliar with e.d.'s for i do not have it for myself nor do i know anyone that has it so i can't say that i wrote these with any accuracy. please lmk if i said something inaccurate, or if i offended anyone in any way. thank you!

Fade

i genuinely think that fade would notice after a good while if not immediately

i mean, she tends to take care of herself very well! she knows every meal time and eats and snacks whenever necessary

but when she noticed that you were eating at times way before or far after she has, she's grown worried

she doesn't even see you eat sometimes!

it confuses her, which is why she'll keep her thoughts to herself at first

but when she finally confronts you, it'll be in the calmest and most comforting way ever

she'll ask you why this happened and when it started, gathering all of the information that she can regarding your disorder and ways to help you

she really, really wants to help you

which is why as reserved and collected her behavior and personality is, she tries her best to lovingly remind you to eat and drink on time

encourages you to have your meals with her!

she distracts you and makes your meal time so much more light in your feels because she talks to you about things so well

reminds and reassures you very often with how incredible you are and in her eyes, how you're her "dream lover" and how she just wants you to be happy with yourself

she'll be very mindful of her words too, in hopes of not triggering you or anything

will be hesitant to point out your wrongdoings because maybe you purposely didn't eat again or ate right after eating

but trust her, she will. tries not to sound mean about it though, please listen to her she just really cares

Sage

i swear she loves you a lot! but when she's partly in charge of keeping the protocol safe and shit, it probably takes her a little while more to notice than fade

but when she does though she'll be super duper worried

and as much as you love to hear her voicing out her worries for you, her bombarding you with questions and nagging you so worriedly, it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and ashamed as if you were caught for something

but as soon as she notices your own worries and problems, she'll calm down immediately

assuming that she's experienced in the medical field, i think she'll be knowledgeable with psychology and people's mentality as well

offers to talk to you about your disorder

sage will listen very closely to your own feelings about your disorder, worried gf turned into therapist mode of some sort

gives you tips on how to go through it, personally talks to connections about e.d.s too just so she has a concrete grasp of the situation with you

reassures you 24/7

expect more kisses from her in every part of your body

helps you make a diet to balance out your body's needs, and she does the diet with you!

maybe encourages others in the protocol as well

which leads to her and them introducing you to various new and very healthy food types just to encourage you to eat within your diet and meal schedule

babe loves you no matter what, but she'll love you maybe more if you loved yourself at the same amount that she does

#valorant #valorant imagines #valorant hcs #valorant x reader #valorant sage #valorant fade

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iwannabeastarstarrockmann · 9 months

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I was delusional to think this year would be different. TW:SH/ED

why are moms so toxic? i cant remember one birthday in which everything went smoothly ansd i truly felt loved by her. she has always made it clear to me that im not enough, she has sacrificed too much for me, im a waste of space, im a lazy sack of shit and she wished she never had me or my sister.

I just woke up a couple hours ago really excited because she stayed out late last night so I didn't get a chance to talk with her (we were starting to get along weirdly) and my birthday is tomorrow so I wanted to hear what her plans were and instead she yelled at me for not getting up earlier, for not having a job yet, (even though I had to quit my last one because of her and I've been applying for jobs ever since) she said I should stop using being autistic as an excuse because I'm "not really autistic", I'm "completely normal, I'm just a giant asshole"

why would she say that??! and then to make matters worse, a family friend is planning to make me food for tomorrow and so my mom said the least I could do to earn such a gift that I don't deserve, I should go swimming with her in her pool, although I cannot because I recently relapsed heavily and have sh scars all over my arms and legs and I would rather politely decline a swim rather than worrying everyone I know and love. so anyway, I couldn't tell my mom why I couldn't swim so I just said I'm really not feeling up to it and she replied with "okay well then, you're dead to me" and strangely as punishment forbid me from using her shower ever again?? I have a shower, but it's infested with mold, and we didn't find that out until I passed out after a shower, so I think that means I really am dead to her?? ouch!

I'm really sad though, more so because we just bought groceries and now, I may be wasting food because I'm fasting. how can I be a good anorexic though when my fear of wasting food overpowers my fear of gaining?? idk maybe I'll just cook for everyone else on my bday, that is, if I knew anyone to cook for. I also feel bad for not swimming with our friend especially because she is cooking a whole feast for me! something my mother would never be caught dead doing. a lot of my issues with food come from having no structure nor comfort in my household growing up, i went from eating too much to never eating enough. i love it though when i see family friends and they are always telling me that ive gotten too skinny and i need to eat more, and as a result always cook food for me and lecture my mom for not paying attention to me, not that shes obligated to, as im almost 20, but as long as im stuck with her due to finances and just a tad bit of codependency, she should be a little nicer to me right??

am I crazy for thinking that regardless of my age or life situation, when I'm home it should feel like home?? if I were going to college no one would question me for still being here, I'm just trying to save up some money but every time I do, my mom demands to borrow it and then threatens me that she won't pay me back if I don't do this or that for her. did I mention that she always plays the victim too?

she genuinely believes that the world owes her something. she thinks because of her disability, people should bow down to her and cater to her every need! that is so immature! its every man for themselves, if you can't hold yourself accountable, how do you expect your life to improve? doing the same thing over and over with no result gets you nowhere! that's insanity, its naive. I don't want to waste my life catering to her when I spent the first 19 years of my life being the adult and her being the child. I deserved better.

now I just want her to see how terrible of a job she did by rotting away. I don't care anymore, I know that's selfish but I just don't care about anything anymore, I want to starve, I don't want to eat anymore. I know better than to starve myself, but it feels so damn validating when I'm losing weight.

#ed bllog #ed relapse #tw ana diary #tw ana shit #tw ed diet #ed vent #i only harm myself and no one else #i wanna be weightless #starv1ng #starv3 #tw ana fast #ana trigger #ana and mia #emotional abuse #mommy issues #tw sh related #i wanna be perfect

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bunnychargebolt · 2 months

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Im going to give my parents shaken baby syndroms Im- hhhhhhhh vent :3 (gonna put any warning stuffs in tags)

I am so just- am eepy. I want to sleep. It is fucking 2:30 in the morning. But I cannot! Because I am hungry! And my body is fucking not doing good! And I can not do anything about it because I do not have food.

But for whatever reason!! My mother!! Who eats the least in this household!! Continually has her stuff stocked!! She fucking- eats like two of the jif to go cups of peanut butter for lunch. And that is like- her lunch. And that just fucking works for her. Which is because she got fucking weight loss surgery.

Hhhhhhhhhhhh

I do not have enough food. And honestly I probably havent had enough food in months. Because instead of eating i sleep. Because my body shuts down. And I am trying *so hard* to get across to my parents that I need food. I am- hhhhh honestly prolly qualifying as anorexic speaking strictly on eating patterns. Which ik for sure my mom is.

And also my irl friend keeps talking about hes gonna starve himself. And im- hhhhh. Theres so many fucking tjings going on with him and theyre bad and I havent talked about them and im going to fucking lose my mind. But thats not even what im focused on right now.

I dont know if i can continue physical therapy. Because it is not guaranteed that i have food. And my parents say that money is tight. But my mother is constantly getting a bunch of stuff. And we have so much shit. And im- i camt handle all of this.

I cant ask for anything without being told that im asking for a lot. My mom ordered in dinner for me and my brother the other night bc she got a thing through work and i asked for what I know would be enough for me and I got told that thats too expensive. Which i understand. The cost of shit is fucking insane. But there is so much fucking focus on cost and portion size and “oh tjat costs too much” “oh youre asking for a lot” “dont forget that this is what a portion size” and even fucking talk of like calories and checking even though i ask for that to not happen.

People tell me to take some of their food because they have plenty and I get it but Im fucking terrified. My mom had locked up a shit ton of food when i was a kid including freezers. Which to this day still have the locks by them. And if im caught she wont hesitate to do it again. I cant go through that again.

I know I cant really get out. Im genuinely scared of my parents. I- cant. I cant get out. I cant leave stuff. Im terrified. Fuck i don’t remember ever not being scared of my mom in some capacity. And my dads way more passive but sometimes he yells and I just- cant do it. And i hate that what they do works. I get shoved into being this fucking doormat of a person.

Honestly I dont think I ever really got to be a person. I still dont super feel like one. I dont have complete control over myself. I dont feel like i have free will. Which sucks. I wanma be my own person. I wanna learn what itd feel like to be able to be myself for even a day. Im- just lost a lot of the time.

The only good thing I know for sure is coming out of this is that I know my depression medication works. Im pretty sure most of my issues with functioning are from malnutrition issues. And im def not suicidal or having thoughts of sh which is really nice!! Plus I know I have a very supportive group of friends online that I love very much

Wuheiwhe speaking of friends- angy about irl friend. He fucking- complained to me that he gets upset when i vent about shit at home cause hes gonna get kicked out when he turns 18. Which likw- i get it. The threat of being homeless is horrible. But if your thought process while you have fucking unwatched access to a credit card and can essentially have whatever the fuck you want while im saying i dont fucking have food at home is “well at least you have a home” IS FUCKING INSANE. Especially because you have already gathered almost $1000 in cash amd still have like 11 months to figure shit out. Your future situation sucks but that should not take away empathy for my current situation??? Where i am??? Not getting fed enough???

I understand that your homelife is shit and your family is fucked. However, you almost never get told no. Which is really fucking obvious!!! Because you wont take any of my nos for an answer!!! And tbh youre kinda financially abusive!!! I hear how you talk to your bf which is fucking insane and i hate it. And when you talk about how you pay for gas when im using my parents cars and they need to be filled and i say were driving around too much and using a lot of gas you go “well its my gas” No!! It isnt!! That is not how that works!! And just because you pay for the fucking gas WHEN YOU HAVE ME DRIVING FUCKING ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANNOT GWT YOU TO UNDERSTAND IM SAYING NO does not kean you pay for the rest of the fucking car!!! You also!! Make jokes about taking back gifts!! Because you paid for them!! Which is shitty as fuck!! And its not even your fucking koney its your grandmas money and you got fucking pissed and bitchy when Ive mentioned that when talking about it being different when one of our friends took advantage of us for money because you are just handed it and the stuff i had i workwd for, in a job that started the decline of my physical wellbeing. Its not the same fucking thing.

Shaking. I want to scream. I cant. Handle everything. I dont want to have to be here and dealing with all of this.

And anothwr fucking tjing about ky friend- he gets pissy when me or his boyfriend accidentally leave garbage in his room. Which i get a little but then he doesnt take care of it either!! And then he has shit there all the time!! Including multiple unfinished starbucks drinks that have grown mold!!! Why do you keep getting the biggest fucking size when you know damn well you wont drink it.

And you keep fucking- i cant play therapist for you. You cannot constantly come crying to le about your bf and talking about how you should break up with him AND THEN GET KAD AT ME FOR SUGGESTING YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM

Im not- i cant. Im

Im violently angry. And i want to sleep. Amd i wamt to be able to have food. And i want my oarents to love me and understand me. Or even fucking- to try. At all. I want my physical wellbeing to matter. But it doesnt. In multiple different ways. And its all just so bad all the time and i try and tune it out but it slips through.

Im having trouble remember things. Its bad. Im- i cant use my brain as well as i know i should be able to. Im- idk. I just cant fucking deal with this. Except im still going to. Im complaining but theres mot kuch i can change.

I hate feeling like im breaking all the time. I want to be able to be loved and be a person and have a home!!! I have a roof over my head. And i appreciate that so much. But this is absolutely not a home. And its very much not welcoming for me. And I just- I perpetually have the feeling of “i want to go home” with no home to go to. And its been like that for most of my life. And I just- really want to have a home.

#vent #tw vent #this was originally about ky parents but it tirned into a generalized thing #ummm #tw disordered eating #tw eating issues #financial abuse #fuckinggg #emotional abuse #???#shit gets fucky idk #my brains not- doing well #also im actively running away from server friends in this post #i love you guys #just #being vulnerable is hard and i hold back as much as i can #when were on call or whatever #scared of complaining too much and pushing people away again #pls dont leave lol

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transmanana · 4 months

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I think it really shows how people view ED’s with the fact that I am average weight but I have Anorexia but my partner is very thin and you can see their ribs but my partner is often told they are Anorexic, despite the fact they want to gain weight. Nobody is concerned about me because my anorexia is not visible, though I don’t make much of an effort to hide my symptoms like drinking an excessive amount of water and skipping meals. A lot of people still see it as a weight disorder instead of an eating disorder. I know a lot of people who have Ana but aren’t underweight feel like they don’t deserve the label, me included and I certainly feel this affects it, at least for me.

#boy ana #tw ana diary #ana rant #ana trigger #tw @na

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kiatheinsomniac · 5 months

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⋆ ⁺ ｡ ˚ ⊹ ° . 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒 | 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ˎ :ˊ-

❝Name: Alexandra, but my best friend calls me Sasha (Russian short version) Gender: sex is female but tbh, I always thought of myself as an individual and not strictly male or female. I don't know what this is called :/ Sexuality: I once thought I'm bi, but I never enjoyed sex with my ex. I find men and women attractive equally but don't feel any specific sexual attraction, even though I do have some fantasies about a specific fictional character. So I think the best that would describe me would be demi bi sexual, or some sort of it. I apologise for the long elaboration Appearance: neither skinny nor heavy. I'd say a good middle (I used to be obese and have stretch marks in hips and thighs, but I also was anorexic, now I'm happy to be in between with slight curves and a few muscles that slowly show themselves as I'm working out quite a bit), brown hair till past shoulders, brown eyes, high cheekbones. I'm around 176 cm tall Personality: I can be impatient, but when it comes to others or animals I'm very patient. I like the nature and animals, sort of pagan believe, I like reading and drawing but also action as I used to race in horses (barrel race but also carriage races), I'm seeking adventure and have done a lot of crazy stuff, like skydive, hitch hiking and other stunts (when I was younger though). I still like a good adrenaline rush but in a controlled way. I like horse riding and motorcycling (again controlled in a good manner). Both give me a feeling of freedom. I guess I could be described as sporty. I'm empathic but also stubborn. Coming from a family where domestic violence was used to break me and make me follow what I was expected to do and how to behave. I need time to warm up to people. While I'm friendly to strangers, it takes a really long time until I warm up and even longer to let a person in and trust that person. But once a person is' in my inner circle', I'm loyal and protective. I love walking barefoot (something that pissed my parents off and I received a few bruises for that, still liking it though). I love a good banter between friends, and can be sassy (when I feel comfortable around the person). I also tease and appreciate the small things in life, I don't need big presents or anything but am quite happy when I can be with the people I hold dear and enjoy the time with them, if it's a calm evening or some adventure/action. Oh, and I don't wear dresses! I feel uncomfortable in them! No high heels either. Not very practical.❞ — @havatnah

I ship you with Aragorn!

Aragorn loves your balance of adventurousness as well as your appreciation for reading and drawing. Being raised by Elrond and his twins, Aragorn is both a ranger and erudite. He really admires how you’re in touch with nature and are so patient and gentle with animals. He’s exactly the same and these traits are very core to his personality so he admires how you share these values of his. He really enjoys riding horses with you because he feels he gets to see your adventurous spirit in its element. He also enjoys sharing books from Elrond’s library with you! In fact, it’s likely how he’d first approach you: he would simply observe to see what sort of books you’ve been reading and would find some that he thinks you’d enjoy, bringing them to you and start up a conversation about you and your interests.

He’s quite fond of your more practical dress sense and the lack of heels and dresses as it’s the sort of clothing he’s more accustomed to wearing too as a ranger. Also, it seems that going barefoot isn’t too uncommon for elves so he doesn’t find it unusual at all. He admires your loyalty and protectiveness of your loved ones as he finds these to be very noble traits and they just make you all the more brilliant in his eyes.

♡ Aragorn is very fond of horses so to find out that you enjoy things like horse riding and racing excites him quite a bit. He’ll often invite you to join him when he’s out patrolling the lands around Rivendell. He really enjoys your company and it’s nice to have an experienced rider with him who’s as gentle and respectful to horses as he is. He always gets a thrill racing you too (though he won’t admit it, he often lets you win just to see your smile and hear your sass – it’s very endearing to him).

♡ He’s spent late evenings in Elrond’s library with you too. Should he ever find a book in an elven tongue you don’t understand but he thinks you’ll enjoy, he’ll sit with one arm around you and the book open across your laps as he holds you close and translates for you. He doesn’t want any door to be closed to you if he thinks you’ll find any sort of happiness and joy on the other side.

♡ He’s noticed that you take a while to warm up to people and so when he was first getting to know you, he took things slowly and always paid attention to your expressions and body language to make sure he’d never make you uncomfortable. He’s a gentleman to his very core and so he started with suggesting books to you, talking about your interests, inviting you on patrols to ride together and then getting you gifts and making romantic gestures.

♡ He always makes sure you get the softer bedroll when bringing you on patrols means that you have to camp out for the night. He finds that he’s more vigilant keeping watch as he wants to make sure he can protect you from any possible dangers lurking out there. Once you’re asleep, if it gets cold, he’s quick to add more wood to the fire and to take off his cloak and lay it over your body, tucking you in so that no drafts can get under the warm cloak that he’s using like a blanket.

♡ Due to your love for nature, he loves going on little rambles and tangents about which plant or bark does what and it means a lot to him when you listen or you put his little ramblings to use. There are so many little things you do that just bring a smile to his face and he won’t even realise when he’s looking at you like a lovesick puppy. You have so many traits that he just finds so noble in a person. In a way, he looks up to you and who you are and what you’ve been through a lot.

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#⊹ ° . kia ships ˎ :

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