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fandom-monium · 9 months

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Sweet Poison - Part 4

Summary: In which you realize some things about your friend, Zagreus. “Death may be normal here, but the pain…”

WC: 1.5k

TW: Zagreus (Hades Video game) x Succubus!Reader, GN!Reader, a succubus AND an artist bc sex is just work and food, au where in game Zag commissions the paintings using gems, what if boons actually affected Zagreus, slow build, strangers to friends to lovers trope, sex work, fluff, fluff and humor, mutual pining, idiots in love, mild angst, pheromones (technically it’s succubi magic aura), Zagreus is at least 6 ft convince me otherwise, eventual smut

AN: What is a slow burn without the angst??

“Why go through all that effort? Surely you understand how dangerous it is,” You say, referring to his runs through the Underworld. As far as you know, there’s been several. Buried in the covers with a good book, you lay on your side and flip to the next page, though it's lost your attention since Zagreus arrived. “Death may be normal here, but the pain…”

At your lounge chair, Zagreus waves you off, eyes flicking from your figure to your sketchbook in his lap between exaggerated strokes, obnoxiously scritching the parchment. You roll your eyes. “I’m more than familiar with pain. As for why…”

Hearing the somber shift in his tone, you look up, willing him to meet your gaze. “Please don’t feel obligated to answer if it’s too personal.”

“No I… I trust you,” For a moment, Zagreus expression softens, like he can’t believe he’d befriend a demon to this point. You know you can’t, but you also know you could tell him anything and he’d listen.

Almost anything, that is.

The sketchbook shuts with a soft thud. Zagreus crosses the short distance to sit at the foot of your bed, by the curve of your hips. The bed dips under his weight before he takes a deep breath. “Long story short, I found out the mother that raised me isn’t my biological mother, and eventually I learned my biological mother escaped the Underworld and is somewhere on the surface.”

“So once you get to the surface, you intend to find her?”

“Exactly.”

“And what then?”

“Get answers,” He simply answers. Though his eyes steel with conviction, he slumps forward, resting his elbows on toned thighs.

Heat rises to your face, and you turn back to your book.

“You must think I’m a fool.”

“No.” Zagreus shoots you a flat look over his shoulder like he doesn't believe you, so you fully turn your attention to him. “Really! I don’t. I mean, shades aren’t allowed to leave the Underworld, natural order and all that.”

“…Shades. Right,” He says slowly, breaking eye contact for a split second.

“But I understand why you’d want to try. I just wish I could help you in some way, maybe smuggle you out on my next job.”

He perks up, gazing at you curiously, “You’ve been to the surface?”

“A few times for work. Though it has been a while since my last assignment…”

“What’d you have to do?”

Oh, you know: make contracts with humans and feed off them until they’re a husk of their former selves. You know, as succubus do. You settle on, “Demon things. You wouldn’t get it.”

Zagreus shrugs, unable to argue with that.

“… Suppose you do find your mother and get your answers,” You start, tone low and nervous. You swallow, trying to keep your nerves from wracking your vocal cords, keeping the tremble out of your voice. “What-what do you plan to do after?”

“That depends,” Wild, black hair falls over his eyes as his gaze drops to the floor. “If she hates me or not.”

You cock your head. Was that fear in his tone? For a moment, you allow yourself to study his broad back, scolding yourself when you admire the exposed ridges of muscle. Harsh, green light frames his profile, turning him into a slim silhouette among the soft shadows of your chamber. But now, as he sits at the edge of your bed, no longer he looks poised and regal as he usually does. No boons livening the air around him, no charming grin or cocky smirk. Posture be damned, he slouches, beautiful lips pressed thin, and he looks defeated—no, he looks…

Tired.

It never occurred to you how miserable your friend is here in the Underworld. He always seemed so lively by the time he reached your chamber, even when he’s scuffed and bloodied, like the heat of battle cheers him up. And yes, it’s Tartarus; souls are supposed to be despaired, miserable, tortured—for gods’ sake, it’s your jobs—but looking at Zagreus, exhausted yet still handsome as ever in his flaming laurels and refined chiton, feet seering footprints into your floor, he looks out of place in your humble abode.

Your heart clenches, suddenly self aware. Self conscious. Differences that hardly mattered before now at the forefront of your thoughts.

“I’m not finished, by the way.”

You meet his gaze, visibly perplexed though it’s painful. His heterochromia, the contrast of the blood red and forest green, is needlessly beautiful, as if the man isn’t magnificent enough already. Curse his family for whatever genes they poured into him.

The bed rises once more and as Zagreus leaves for the balcony, the gap between you—once miniscule and quickly closing—begins turning into a chasm.

“My drawing. It’s nowhere done.” Stopping before the balcony’s threshold, Zagreus gestures to the sketchbook. You sit up, blankets and furs pooling into your lap as you take it into your hands.

You, or a semblance of yourself at least, stares back. The strokes are short, thick, lines of charcoal jagged and uneven, though that’s to be expected. Zagreus snorted at you he buys art not create it, but that did nothing to deter him from trying. You lent him your sketchbook and pencils anyway, the thought of sharing your hobby with him filling you with giddiness you haven’t experienced in gods’ know how long.

As you study the amateur sketch of yourself, your heart swells so big, it terrifies you. There’s scuffed edges where the side of his palm pressed into the strokes, leaving partial prints. The proportions are atrocious, and if he’d been anyone else you’d tear into him. Yet, far from accurate as it may be, he manages to highlight your most discernible features. Just not the ones you expect. It’s not your chest or your hips or waist or even your legs, no.

It’s the fluid lash of your tail as you lay on your stomach, as if he tried to capture the cat-like movements on paper; the draping of your wings and the way you relax them against your back like a blanket; the graceful curve of your horns, the ends pointed not in a threat but a promise. And your face—

Smudges blot all over the background of your figure but most of all where your face is, the paper slightly damaged as if he erased one too many times trying to capture your visage.

Your heart skips. Blood and darkness.

As Zagreus’s back disappears behind the rumbling door to the next chamber, it’s for the best, you think, left to the familiarity of your quiet chamber. Your heart thunders in your ears.

Zagreus and you, a demon—a succubus? You’d never last.

As friends. As friends, of course.

This is for the best.

It’s for the best.

…Is it possible to feel loss when there is nothing to begin with?

Eyes misting over, you snatch up your sketchbook and pencils, letting your tears stain the page with Zagreus’s eyes still fresh in your mind.

It’s for the best.

#zagreus x reader #hades game #hades supergiant #zagreus and reader #zagreus (hades video game) x reader #zagreus (hades video game) and reader #supergiant hades

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blues824 · 1 year

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I'm like kinda new to your blog but I've read a few of your obey me scenarios and I really love them! Especially the scarlet witch! reader! ^^

I heard that requests were open so I was wondering if you could do an hc with the brothers + Diavolo and Barbatos with a Black Widow! Reader? She's one of my fav avengers so I thought of requesting this! <3

Hope you have a good day! :D

Went off the information in Wiki Fandom because there are a multitude of movies. Gender-neutral reader.

Lucifer

You both acted a lot alike: level-headed, almost emotionless, strong-willed, independent, exceedingly intelligent, and sarcastic every once in a while. He knew a lot about you considering he was one of the ones who examined your student profile, and that made you a bit unsettled because you knew next to nothing about him.

He knew of your heroic streak and your avenging nature, and he admired it. He used to be that way, especially for his family. As we all know, he was one of the angels who fought for his sister because he thought God judged her unfairly.

After spending a while in the Devildom, but more specifically within the House of Lamentation, the two of you grew closer. Lucifer genuinely liked having conversations with you, spending hours sipping on glasses of demonus just reveling in your company.

Eventually, those short drinking sessions ended up in you telling him about your time in the Red Room, being trained to be the best and most dangerous operative. He’s quite impressed with your skillset, but he is a big angry that you were put through that pain and suffering.

Speaking of being impressed by your abilities, he’s glad that you are able to defend yourself. Unfortunately, he is still worried about you, so he insists upon walking with you everywhere (also so none of his brothers steal you away from him).

Mammon

He was most definitely intimidated by you because you acted just like Lucifer did. However, he got to see your more sarcastic side, and now you target him a lot… especially when he’s been particularly stupid. He liked it when you targeted others, just not him.

Mammon got a glimpse of your heroic side whenever Lucifer went to string him up from the chandelier using the WiFi cable. You argued in his place, stating that like everyone else he couldn’t control his sin. Therefore, everyone should be punished if they indulged in their sin.

Honestly, you became his favorite person because you always defended him. You both spent a lot of time together because he grew attached. He tried to disguise it as ‘making sure you were safe’, but you were fairly certain that cuddling in his bed wasn’t exactly protecting you.

During one of these cuddling sessions, you told him how you went through the Red Room when you were younger just to be trained to be the best operative out there and how you were a danger to a lot of people. He was angry, but he just held you close, hands shaking in rage.

You decided to maintain your abilities by going to training, and Mammon sometimes took you because he didn’t want you getting abducted on the street. He saw you absolutely beat the shit out of your trainer, and he spat out his drink in surprise. How in the actual f- could you do that??

Leviathan

You reminded him of one of the main characters in the comic book series that was popular within the Devildom, and you intimidated him like that character did. However, it’s not like how Mammon feels. Levi just thinks you’re so freaking cool that he can’t help but feel scared.

You even acted like her, and that solidified his admiration for you and the character. You were brave, heroic, level-headed, everything he aspired to be. Whenever he looked at you, he had both stars and hearts in his eyes, and you had to admit that it was absolutely adorable.

Mans basically worshiped the ground you walked on. He would set his jacket down just so you wouldn’t have to get your shoes filthy. He is a simp. However, this does make you a bit unsettled because you are used to being attacked constantly rather than worshiped.

Levi loved hanging out with you in his room because you always had interesting stories about your life. However, this time was different because you decided that you’ve gotten to a point in your relationship where you could tell him about the Red Room. As you told him, he gripped his controller so hard that it snapped in half.

His tail whipped out and wrapped itself around your waist, pulling you closer as he held onto you. Sure, your skills and abilities because of the severe training you went through were cool, but it all came at what cost? Even he, as the general of Hell’s Navy, wouldn’t put soldiers through that.

Satan

You acted like him as well, especially with the sarcasm directed towards everyone else, and he doesn’t mind if it’s targeted at him as long as you’re the only one. He finds it amusing since no human besides you and Solomon has had the courage to have a witty battle against him.

He experienced your heroic side when a random demon compared him to Lucifer, and you defended him saying that the two are completely different from each other. He appreciated the sentiment, and the fact that his beloved was so willing to fight for his honor.

I think the two of you always have long conversations about anything that comes to mind. It allows the both of you to learn more about each other, which establishes a closer connection in addition to solidifying the relationship you both already have.

It was during one of these conversations that you told him about the Red Room. He was shocked that you had to suffer that training, in addition to being beyond angry. You had to hold his hand in yours to bring him back to the present and prevent him from destroying the room.

Sure, your skillset was very impressive, but you had to go through genuine torture just to get those abilities. The Wrath within him is for once righteous and avenging, and he could feel it surging through his body. However, he would hold back for your sake.

Asmodeus

You were very interesting because you were also a bit flirtatious, but also very level-headed when need be. He loved your quick comebacks as they were hilarious to him. Especially if they were directed at either of his two oldest brothers.

He got to see your heroic side when Mammon stole something of Asmo’s to sell, and you used your spy skills to quietly enter the former’s room, steal back the item, and return it to Asmo. The older brother was angry, but backed off once you threatened him with telling Lucifer about what he had done.

The two of you enjoy talking to each other while doing skincare. Be it gossip, an article you read in the news, a post either of you saw on Devilgram, etc. he loved talking to you. You listened and you contributed actually good input and opinions.

One of these little sessions between the two of you led to you telling him about the Red Room, and he was angry that you had to go through that. He held you in his arms as you recounted the traumatic events that happened in your life.

Asmo considered gathering his brothers to go attack the Red Room, but decided against it as it would go against Diavolo’s wishes for a union between the three realms. After all, who would be there for you when you went through flashbacks if he was locked away due to going against His Highness?

Beelzebub

You reminded him of Lucifer, aside from your more flirtatious side. Many times, he spit out the food that he was eating out of pure shock whenever you said something sarcastic towards any of them because he thought that they were way more powerful than you.

As for your heroic side, he saw it when you defended him after he emptied the fridge. You told everyone that he couldn’t control his sin just as either of them couldn’t either, and therefore he shouldn’t be scolded due to the hypocrisy going on.

The two of you loved cuddling sessions once you got more comfortable around him, since they allowed just a bit more closeness between the two of you. You talked about pretty much anything there was to talk about, which led to one fateful day.

It was one of those days where you both were just laying in his bed, talking about what his life was like when he was a young angel playing with Belphie and Lilith, when he asked about your childhood. You let out a deep sigh before telling him about the Red Room and the training you went through in there.

Oh, he was madder than a bull is at a bullfighter. You felt his hold around your waist tighten, but he was careful enough not to hurt you. How could those evil people harm someone as great as you? He couldn’t begin to comprehend the anger that was bubbling up within him. Is this how Satan always felt?

Belphegor

He didn’t like you at first, until you brought out your sarcasm. That was probably when he fell in love: Lucifer was scolding one of his brothers for indulging in their sin when you told him off for indulging in his constantly without punishment as a consequence.

Mans was just about on his knee with a ring, and he hadn’t even known you that long. Ever since then, he was in love (which was a bit out of character for him, but you weren’t afraid to say what you said to Lucifer, the eldest and most powerful of the Avatars).

You both also loved cuddling sessions, but he was able to see your past through your dream. You were having a flashback in your nightmare, and he could sense you moving around and being restless. So, he used his power to see your dream, and what he saw made him angry.

You shouldn’t have had to go through that unwillingly just to become the best agent. Didn’t they know that you were human? Plus, the graduation process seemed absolutely heartbreaking. He was angry, but he knew you would need a good night’s rest, so he used his powers to put you into a more peaceful sleep.

Oh, but he didn’t forget. No, this just reinforced his original thoughts about humanity and their flaws. However, you were an exception. He thought you belonged with the angels; you certainly sacrificed enough to get to the Celestial Realm.

Diavolo

You were his opposite. He was friendly and compassionate (unless the situation called for a serious attitude), and you were always level-headed and cold (but also sarcastic). But, as we all are aware, opposites attract. You were his anchor, and he was your freedom.

He first witnessed your heroic side when you helped him with his paperwork. You read it over and it was a proposal that would benefit the Devildom financially, but it would make budget cuts on the education system. You pointed it out to Diavolo, and he was shocked that someone would worry about money rather than the children being affected.

Diavolo loved spending time with you, not doing paperwork. He especially loved having tea time with you since it allows him to get to know you more. He already knew about your training from a place called the Red Room, so he thought about asking you about it. The shocked look on your face made him regret asking, but you insisted it was fine.

You told him about the exact training you went through and how it allowed you to be the agent that you are today. You even went as far as telling him about the… unique graduation process. He was devastated, he was angry, he couldn’t even figure out how he was feeling.

What he did know was that he was gonna get that place shut down if it’s the last thing he ever does in his very long life. It didn’t take too much either, considering he was very powerful even in the human world. A few threats and using his demon form to intimidate them was enough, since not even the recruits could come close to beating him.

Barbatos

You both acted pretty much the same, except he was a tad more cordial rather than sarcastic and witty. Although, lighthearted banter wasn’t uncommon between the two of you. It was how you expressed your love for him at the beginning.

As you got more comfortable within the Devildom, you got more comfortable with Barbatos. You were his ‘hero’ because you often helped him with his many chores. It wasn’t much, but it did take a bit of the load off of his shoulders.

Now, this was how you both typically spent time with each other. You would do chores within the same room so that the two of you can still talk to each other. You learned that Barbatos had been the servant of Diavolo since the latter was a child, and that was adorable to you.

When he asked about your past, you stopped wiping the counter. The butler apologized for overstepping any boundaries, but you said it was fine. So, you explained what you had gone through in the Red Room. Barbatos had to stop himself from breaking one of the plates he was drying because he was angry.

He was angry that his beloved Y/N had to suffer through that just so you could be used as a top-tier spy. He later told Diavolo about it, and the next day the facility was shut down for unknown reasons. You figured out that your lovely demon had something to do with it, but you didn’t mind since it meant that no one else had to suffer the way that you did.

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pbandjesse · 2 months

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I would like another day off. Today needs a do over. I am still so tired. And I am dreading going back to camp and that sucks. That does not feel good. I hope that I can feel more positive when I get there. But today could have been kinder.

I did not sleep well. I really struggled to fall asleep. I was in pain for a while and wasn't feeling good. So it was not the most restful evening.

I woke up at 730 and texted James to make sure the car was on the right side for street sweeping. And took a while to actually get up.

Once I did I got washed and dressed. I really felt cute today. I wore some earrings I haven't worn in a while thG I really like. And I was tired but I was in an alright mood.

James made me an omelet but I only ate half of it. I was feeling weird. It it was fine. We would take a few minutes before we left but pretty quickly we were off to my appointment.

This appointment ended up being very stressful. I brought up that I need a yellow fever vaccine and it turns out that's a live vaccine and so I have to have a 4 week window of no immune suppression drugs. So it is going to be a really quick turn around for getting the vaccine and I will have to skip my medicine next month. Ugh. It's fine. It will be fine. But man. Stressful.

I had a really nice time talking to Sincere but for some reason whenever he does my injection I get crazy bruised or swollen. And this time I would get big lumps on my legs from the medicine sitting under my skin. Which was not and is not comfortable. Like it's been 12 hours and I still have lumps.

But it was fine. I chatted with the nice lady at the desk and she wished me luck on our travel and set me up for my appointment. The whole appointment took over an hour. But James was doing grocery shopping for some of it and calling the doctors to make sure we had the vaccine stuff set up. I still feel bad for making them wait but they say they dont mind. They got coffee and donuts. And I was in a much better head space.

We drove home and the plan was to install the ceiling fan Jess gave us. This did not go well. It did not have the correct bracket for our ceiling and it was heavy and we tried everything we knew what to do but it was just. Not happening. I would try helping but I'm to short and I can't hold my arms up that long. And James was really frustrated that it wasn't working out like they hoped. We tried for almost an hour before we just had to give up.

I went and laid in the other room because I felt dizzy. James pulled the duvet off the bed because it got dust from the ceiling on it.

James asked how we should attack the rest of the day. I requested we go to Mathews for a late lunch and then I would drop them off at the laundry mat and I could go to the thrift store. This was a really nice way to spend the day.

Lunch was fun. I like that the waitress, who I think is named Grace, knows our entire order and just double checks. Doesn't even give us menus anymore. And the food was good but I burnt my lip on very very hot sauce and was literally teary eyed about it! It's still bothering me! But it was still good.

I told James about what I was hoping to get at the thrift. Specifically mules and rain boots. And I would have good luck today.

After our meal we went to the laundry mat and we swapped seats so I was driving. And we said goodbye. And I was off.

I went to value village in Glen Burnie. I had to go through the tunnel to get there but that was fine. There would be traffic on the way back but it was whatever.

I was happy to be there on a weekday. For one it was basically empty. But also they were putting out new carts and there was some treasures to be found.

I was there for shoes mainly. And I found both things I was looking for! I got red ankle rain boots. I want to get insoles for them for they are great. And I found some leather mules that are like Birkenstock but no bucket and a lower profile. And they fit great. I was very excited.

I would also find two more Dear American books. A black cropped T-shirt. Some wall sconces that look like boat helms. And a dress that I think will be a great option for Africa. I also found a pillow that is made of alpaca and looks like a panda and I absolutely did not need it but I thought it was so cool. Maybe Sweetp can use it as a bed.

I was looking at the shirts when James let me know they would be done in approximately 15 minutes. So I went and paid. The woman that directed me to self checkout was super nice and kept calling me honey. Sweetheart.

I had kind of a rough drive to go get James. But it was fine. I just kept ending up in turn lanes that I couldn't get out of and then my phone kept disconnecting and I was overstimulated and wanted to go home. But I got James only a few minutes later then I hoped. And I was happy to see them.

We struggled to get back to the house though. Traffic and many roads having no turn lefts during the times we were on the road. So it took twice the time it should have but we got home and it was fine.

We would bring everything inside. James went to put away laundry and I put away my haul. And eventually we would head to the backyard to finish the catio.

This was mostly a James task with me helping. Attaching the screen was tough and it was very windy. But it's so much closer to being completed. I am going to look into getting an actual screen door for the end and we have to get masonry bits to anchor it to the house. But for now I used bungee cords and it's pretty stable. And I'm really excited that we got it basically completed in two days.

I was tired though. I was bringing in the scraps and things as well finished each panel. Once we were totally done I would make one last piece of wood to close the gap next to the one window. And James would bring in the rest of the wood. We were s good team.

James made us dinner. I had vegan fish fillets and a salad. James had pasta. And once we were done dinner I requested we watch the documentary that just came out about Nickelodeon and we just finished the second episode and it was. Dark. Really upsetting. We are going to save the next two episodes for tomorrow. It was not like shocking that there was abuses on these sets but man the gravity of it all was heavy.

We are all on the couch now. Sweetp is very cuddly. And my allergies are bothering me because of that. So I am going to go take a shower and get ready for bed. And hopefully tomorrow work is great and the dred I am feeling is nothing. I love you all. Goodnight!

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skullinahat · 3 months

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whenever i go font hunting for a project i have a bad habit of downloading fonts i'll never use just because they delight me, so i wanted to share some of them! im pretty sure literally all of them are public domain so if u like any of them pls download them too

for reference to what a normal font looks like, here's helvetica.

now, lets get into my favorites!

This is LT glockenspiel black. just fucking look at this thing. look at it. i love how they didnt really choose a consistent flourish and just go with everything. it feels almost satirically luxurious. 10/10 i try it in my projects whenever i want a laugh

Baymanat. i've got like seven calligraphic fonts like this ill never use and had to throw one of them in her 9/10 its nice

ANABELA. LOOK AT THAT HALFTONE. LOOK AT THOSE WIBBLY LETTERFORMS. WHAT IS HAPPENING 10/10

droog... if anybody has actually used or seen droog in a project show me. now. i have to see it. not only is it a 10/10 unique font deisgn i'll never use it also has a 10/10 name. thats fucking droog all right

Block Out!!! i actually love this font. it's so unreadable in practice but i dont care i NEED to find a way to use it. its so comitted to its gimmick it doesnt half ass any letterform i love it 10/10

monogram fonts are NOT supposed to be used this way but i dont care. look at this. painful. how are you even supposed to use monogram fonts anyway? 10/10

festa!! found this one just recently, it has such futuristic fantasy energy. it just borders on annoyance because of the mixture of circle sizes. never seen a font gimmick like it before 9/10

flegrei. why are there three super thin lines in this entire font and only three 9/10

garish monde. dear gods if i ever need a glitchy eroded font this is what ill use but i really and truly never have 9/10

graphic attitude. this font looks terrible if you do anything longer than a single word but im really really fond of it 10/10

and now we get into kingthings!! this is kingthings facetype, found this through another tumblr post abt it. kingthings was (maybe still is but i dont think so) a super profilic typeface designer with a lot of really weird stuff. im a huge huge fan. they also included a txt file with their fonts that includes a short description of each one and its adorable. here's what they had to say abt facetype.

Kingthings Facetype

I made this font having thought of the name - maybe not the usual way to go about font design. It is based upon Kingthings Exeter and can be used to embellish that font or just as decorated capitals. I enjoyed making this font and it was one of the quickest to do - i just got completely absorbed by the project. I hope you enjoy this daft font!

Kingthings Serifique UL wide. ridicoulous. the flourishes always were a little awkward but on the UL wide theyre obscene. 10/10

Kingthings Inkydinky

I am making a font called Kingthings Serifique (well, that's what it's called this morning) - I got side tracked - again! I was filling and testing fountain pens for the Charity Shop in which I work… Mother always said I'm a filthy Herbert. Doesn't a little Ink go a long way?

Kingthings spirogyra. 10/10

Kingthings Spirogyra

I doodle you know…I remember with wonder, Biology lessons at 'big' school, with Microscopes, and a filamentous pond weed called Spirogyra. There were spirals in it! and a nucleus like a star! and then 35 years later (or so), I doodled Kingthings Spirogyra idly watching TV.

kingthings sheepishly. 10/10 perfection

kingthings tendrylle 11/10 one of my faovirte unusable fonts in the entire world its so amazing in every way

kingthings widow- another 11/10. kevin you are truly my favorite typographer in the whole entire universe

kidskas- ive posted about this font before. look at it again. you need to. its amazing. perfection 11/10

labryinth NF. when in my life will i use this font? no idea. do i fucking love it with my entire heart? yes. look at the curves using half circles to keep the weight. its got two gimmicks and it sticks to them. 10/10

LOSTAR MY BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY. all my work has been to legibility focused to use this yet but once i get a project thats more whimsical you fucking know who im trying first 10/10

middle cove beach rocks. 10/10 this font fills me with love i dont think ill ever use it but it has my whole heart

milka aged! i love how soft and warm this font is (: 9/10

mister loopy. when i talk about fonts fuckin commiting to their gimmick, this is what i mean. look at this. this is not a font you just use for a project this is a font you build a project around 10/10

misty candy. 10/10 probably the most disturbing font i have i love how it looks like pre-chewed gum

ocean view initials. 10/10. exactly what it is

tuscan expanded. i love expanded fonts so much. i have actually used this font before and it is perfect for one very specific purpose and thats it

pesagi lemu regular. hate this. 10/10

ponderosa std medium. this makes me laugh out loud 10/10

popstars!! this font is the reason i wanted to make this list its so delightful 10/10

RABENK. ABSOLUTELY UNREADABLY IN PRACTICE BUT HAS ENERGY LIKE NO OTHER. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO THE X. 11/10

i have like four more but i hit tumblrs image limit so i'll be back.

#gabbering #i fucking love fonts so much

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thefandomcassandra · 1 year

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[Image Descriptions: Five images. The first is a page of fullbody and bust pencil sketches of Ebiwara from Mob Psycho 100. They have fluffy hair, a thick sweater, thick eye bags, and under their left eye is a cross-shaped scar. The text next to them (some of it cut off) says "Division 3 Head X-Gen[sic] They/T[sic] Specialty: pressure points - can lock up opponents energy and movement by forcing energy in[sic] pressure point". The second is a page of fullbody and bust pencil sketches of a fat, dark-haired woman in a tracksuit with diamond-shaped scars on her cheeks like dimples. She is labeled as Tsūren. The third is a page of fullbody, bust, and profile pencil sketches of a a skinny girl with an undercut and bangs covering her left eye. She has a scar on her head, above her right ear, more visible in profile. She is wearing a loose t-shirt that says "BANG!" in an explosion-shaped bubble. She is labeled Seiteki. The text next to her says "-uses aura like a tazer[sic] -battle junkie -big fucking airhead". The fourth is a page of fullbody and bust pencil sketches of a thin man in a black suit, wearing a blank white mask. His face beneath the mask is plain-looking with dark hair and dark, emotionless eyes, a scar running down the left side of his mouth to his chin. He is labeled as Zenkishi, the text next to him says "-puppets corpses/uncoscious[sic] people -D-list terrorist -so fucking boring he wears a blank mask and suit to stand out (it doesn't work)" The fifth is a page of fullbody and bust pencil sketches of a stout woman with short hair in a button up shirt and dark pants with suspenders. She is wearing round glasses that obscure her eyes and has a scar across her throat. She is labeled as Kosa. /End ID]

Info about these OCs and their powers (and spoilers for Champion if you care) below the cut.

My funny little OCs for Champion (and also a canon character I pulled to make the antagonist). Say hi to the Third Division Scars!

Ebiwara is an actual Scar that you see for like...half a second in the World Domination Arc and, sure, the wiki says that he is a dude but it's my world here and I decided I wanted to have someone who uses they/them. (Also he doesn't have any kind of canon specialty so I made one up lol. You can see me lifting from ATLA here.) Plus I realized halfway through that Ebiwara's Third has one (1) man and that was funny to me lmao. "I don't care about Ishiguro's little den of perverts and freaks!" They say, unaware of the irony.

Tsūren was the first I developed and, as a pattern you'll see going on with all the Third, I kinda patched together her name. Hers is a combo of "pleasure" and "pain" because she's a mean fucking bitch and also her aura is bruising and raw meat. Her specialty (cut off the page) is telekinesis used as restraints and to pull limbs past the breaking point. She likes causing pain. She looks cheery and sweet, sure, but she isn't and that's the point lol.

Seiteki was the second (alongside Zenkishi) because I thought "what if someone could use their aura like a taser?" and then i spelled it wrong on the page. She's fun coz she's a little punk and she likes getting into fights. Hence her hand-to-hand combat style and her frustration when someone isn't "fun". Unseen here is that she has dental piercings, a fact that, when I shared it with my friend, got an "eugh". Her name is a combination of "energy" and "accurate".

Zenkishi (once referred to as a "slenderman looking ass") was a little more of a joke than the rest of the Third. Because he wore the mask and suit, I decided he was just so boring and plain to look at that the suit/mask combo was an attempt to stand out among his peers. It didn't work because he's just...there a lot of the times, but it's a funny attempt. My friend is the one who called him a "D-list terrorist" lmao. His whole deal is "what if Mukai's skill but instead of puppets it's people" and then I made his aura beige lmao. His name is "former" and "dirt".

Kosa is the one whose design I plan on reusing coz I like her whole vibe (her vibe being gaslight girlboss). Her power was to kinda mirror Muto from the Seventh Division as the psychic who manipulates people into joining them. But while Muto has his illusions, Kosa has something more insidious: she can change one memory you have of a single moment, influencing your emotions at the time to change how you feel at the present. That's why her aura is the impossible colors one (stygian blue, hyper orange, magenta). She's unassuming until you get caught by her. Her name is "grit/sand" and "liar"

#mob psycho #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #champion #the sheepy does art #image described #image description in alt text #there are spoilers for later in champion here #so beware #also pls appreciate my awful people #my ocs are so fun tho #additional note: if anyone wants to make fanart of them you have my blessing #my only note is that tsuuren is fat #do not remove that aspect of her #it was important to me to make an oc that shared my body type #ebiwara is a real mp character tho so uh dont worry about what i did to him #lmao

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myaoiboy · 4 months

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heyy sorry dunno if ur ok with ppl asking for advice, but ive been on the twitter mgs fandom for a little while (mostly as a watcher rather than participating other than liking, rting and occasionally commenting or posting some art) and after a while i realized (a bit too late) that quite a few people that i interacted with are aggressively anti and i dont know how to pull away from them now.

Some were mutuals, i stopped following most of them but they still follow me and im not sure if i should just ignore it or whatever. My main account is very clean when it comes to pro/anti discussion and NSFW in general, altho i do like/rt/discuss a lot of anime art and media that has some questionable content in it (like the monogatari series for example)

Anyway, im just a bit scared they might see these "cracks" and it gets to a point of agression/exclusion/doxxing etc and im a bit terrified of that. Sorry if this sounds dumb, but could i ask you what you experience with the mgs fandom is like on twitter? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

It's totally cool to ask for advice! I'm not sure how much help I'll be though.

I have a twitter that's mostly MGS-focused, but I've been building up defenses against the anti movement for a long time before that. I used to be mutuals with someone who was a really notorious asshole twitter anti, actually. I broke that when they started publicly slandering me, but before they could actually dox me, and they still followed me on side accounts for a couple years after that. I got very careful about vetting who I regularly interact with after that.

I got lucky dropping into MGS fandom, I've found a bunch of people who enjoy freaky stuff as much as I do. But I also had one of those friends get doxxed a while back over ship discourse that was spun as something much worse.

Personally, if I see a callout post and it looks fishy (only includes accusations of fic or art, etc), I will a lot of times block everyone that's retweeted or liked it. It's made me sad a couple of times to break mutuals, but I know I'm saving myself the pain later of potentially seeing them fall for it with me. This, when my friend got doxxed, ended up causing me to block like half of the twitter MGS fandom ngl.

Honestly, my secret to not accidentally making full on anti friends is that when I get into a new fandom, I look up their discourse and who antis say shouldn't be shipped together. Then I look and see who makes art/fic of those ships. If I don't like those ships specifically, I find people who ship both that and whatever I like. Usually I end up liking one or more of them anyways (solimiller...). Or I'll go through that fandom's fics with warnings on them and check out those authors' other works.

That's how I keep accidentally meeting a lot of people in fandom, it turns out. I read a fic, I look at the author's other works or their profile, it has a social media handle, or a discord link, or whatever else, next thing I know I'm talking to them and 5 more people they recommended about whatever freaky kink I found of theirs.

I do actually have a (mostly nsfw) discord link that I would share here, but given some of the weird interactions I've gotten tonight I'm gonna wait a couple days before I post it publicly. It's fandom neutral technically but a lot of us like our war boys (mgs/cod mostly). But uhhh if anybody sees this and wants in feel free to dm me/send an off-anon ask and I'll slip ya a link real quiet.

I warn people some of the heavier content that I regularly post as well, even though I don't explicitly use any discourse labels, but honestly the biggest thing is just pulling your interactions like weeds. People on the internet are, mostly, strangers. You don't like someone's vibes? You can block 'em. You see them being a dick to someone else and don't wanna risk them doing the same to you ? Definitely block. Someone makes posts you don't like and it keeps filling up the tags you frequent? You can block that!

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transienturl · 1 year

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(going to try not to spend too much time perfecting this and just say whatever comes to mind)

so like I legitimately do want to try out Tumblr Live for real but:

all of the missing integrations with the rest of the site aside (some will be addressed, I'm sure, who knows to what degree in the end), the actual reason I can't figure out how to use the damn thing and why I think it feels so foreign to much of the Tumblr userbase is that

there are no real descriptions of what the streams are about? the UI is clearly focused on profile pictures, and those profile pictures are mostly faces. the culture the Livebox software is seemingly optimized to facilitate making connections in—and I'm basically direct-quoting Meet Group's public mission statement stuff on their website to try to see it from their side—has an obvious focus on what you look like that Tumblr's established culture for the most part doesn't. this is fine(ish) in and of itself as an addition to the other things the Tumblr community focuses on. if I had to try and summarize in literally five seconds, I would say Tumblr is about sharing the things you like, the things you care about, and sometimes the things you do and make. go look at the current Tumblr Live (Livebox) UI and zoom all the way out: where is there space for those things? currently, there isn't any, though there is a big focus on tips:

now, listen: I'm (kind of) a developer. I get it. you build the user experience you want out of the tools you have, and you can't wait to ship until what you've built is a flawless expression of your vision for your product. I don't think the decision makers at the top of Tumblr think that an unmodified out-of-the-box Livebox integration is exactly what they think Tumblr needs (both to be a better product and to stop losing money). I have more faith in them than that, and you should too if you want to think about these things in any even vaguely productive way. (let's ignore the possibility that the "stop losing money" side of things heavily outweighs the "make a good product" side due to financials; as a) if that's true, we're screwed regardless, and b) I hope Matt has enough cash to be able to burn a whole bunch for a while to try to save the only good large social media site on the web; if so, thanks Matt, I owe ya one.)

but if we're actually engaging with this line of thinking, that of course means that as a decision maker, you only partner with meet group if they have something you want and couldn't more efficiently make yourself. that happens all the time! there's going to be a trade-off there. that's fine! you paid the price of "this white-label UI isn't well-suited to my website at all*" and you got something valuable in exchange.

*I have no qualms about stating this as an objective, undisputed truth; it's possible some would disagree and that's fair.

now, what I'm thus forced to speculate about is... what did Tumblr get out of the exchange? if I had to guess, the things Tumblr would not have if Matt was just like "guys please implement the same feature set as Livebox" would be like a) a bunch of livestreaming code because that stuff is a pain in the ass, b) a bunch of hosting services (Live is on another domain so I assume Livebox hosts it?), c) some amount of expertise in—I guess—monetizing parasocial relationships via microtransactions? and d) some cash up front probably. (edit: also, moderation tools/services; those are big.)

now, if I'm right about all of that, and admittedly it's not all that well-educated of a guess... then, you know, sure. I just hope everyone's on the same page re: which of those things are the benefits and which are the costs. I'm happy for "the social network that I like but which costs more to run than it makes even with what I feel from the outside is not much development staff at all" to have some more money, and I'm happy for said development staff not to have to spend their time setting up RTMP servers or whatever; that's boring as hell and a waste of everyone's time, I'd imagine.

but in the bigger picture—again we are ignoring the "oh god cash" possibility—you pull the trigger on a bet like this because you think the resources will help you build something that's, well, uniquely Tumblr. you already paid someone to try and elucidate what that means:

You'll make friends. You'll fall in love. You'll make enemies. You'll become unrecognizable to your friends and family. They'll worry about you. You'll be okay. You're on Tumblr.

Every video you find, every quote you reblog, every tag you curate, every waterfall GIF you secretly gaze at in wonder—that's all you. You're the explorer. We're just a map you all keep on making. Welcome home. Welcome to weird. Make it yours.

if I were a product manager, my giant whiteboard would have "click the square with the person's face and see ways to tip them" on the left, and "you'll make friends / you'll fall in love / you'll make enemies / you'll become unrecognizable to your friends and family" on the right, and a whole bunch of arrows and question marks in the middle.

and yeah, I guess from my perspective, the thing that makes Tumblr Live interesting is that, presuming that some of that middle part of the whiteboard starts to get filled in, I am fascinated to watch how it does. and I think you have to acknowledge that a) they will actually try it and b) they have a nonzero chance of success, if you want to say actually meaningful things about Live as a feature.

(I was primarily excited for the feature to come to desktop web because that had the potential to add a lot to step one of this, on my imagined version of the whiteboard. yes, the vast majority of tumblr users use the apps, us desktop web traditionalists have to acknowledge that... but I would also imagine that a significant amount of the content creators who drive all of this engagement are on desktop, and in my mind "you can share what you are doing in your computer" is the path to a lot more compelling, Tumblr-y live content than "point your phone camera at something"—essentially, in the grand scheme of things I imagine desktop web Live as the source of the content you view on iOS/Android Live, and I would love to know if the Live team has that thought as well.)

#*roleplays as an executive*#is this anything #long post #this took me like. an hour.

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paradisetemporarilymisplaced · 3 years

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So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

#the old guard #tog #tog fanfiction #tog meta #immortal family #nile freeman #mine #damn look at me contributing to a fandom! that’s new #pls reblog if you like this my self esteem could really use it #I just love nile so much and I’m being the nile-centric content I want to see in the world #it is just genuinely nuts to think abt how this situation would be perceived by anyone outside the narrative #she just mysteriously heals from a fatal injury and then VANISHES!!! this should be national fuckin news #also I do think there’s a major hole in the story when you think abt social media #like the only time it’s even hinted at is right at the very beginning when Andy erases that girl’s selfie #and the concept of fuckin Reddit is not even brought up despite Copley’s stalker board being analog Reddit #there’s just a lot of places one could go with this which is very much what we got here #1k

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kenzies-love-stories · 3 years

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Who’s Gonna Tell Sam pt.2 (Paul Lahote x Reader)

A/n: Finally the much a waited part 2 is here! we dive a bit deeper into the readers past issues at home, Jared has a big mouth and Emily is playing match maker. I cut part 2 off where I did because it was getting long. Fear not though part 3 is going to pick up where this one left off. This is poorly edited and I apologize for that I just couldn’t wait to get this out!~ 🖤Kenzie🖤

Type: Fluff just fluff, reader has issues at home that made her move but it is nothing descriptive.

tag list: @venusdelaroix i know you asked about part 2 let me know if you want to be added or taken off the tag list.

posted: September 7 2021

word count: 3005

Y/n Young is a 17-year-old girl has been sent to live with her Aunt Emily due to some family issues and how her mother was handling them. Y/n tries not to resent her mother for choosing to send her away to La Push Washington instead of dealing with their problems as mother and daughter. Y/n felt as if her mother was giving up on her, it made her feel like she wasn’t worth it. She finds that the cold sandy beach that is in La Push dulls in comparison to the warm sandy beaches back home in California.

y/n Pov

It has been about six months since Paul had imprinted on me, and we are pretty much attached at the hip. The only time we are not around one another is when I am at school and late at night when Paul is on patrol. I am honestly very surprised that Sam still doesn’t know what Paul and I are to one another.

Speaking of Sam, he is currently with the rest of the pack, aside from Jared who is with Kim across from me at the kitchen table. Emily is in the kitchen making her oh so famous muffins and I am crocheting another square for my blanket.

I slightly pause when I hear Kim ask, “has anyone else noticed how calm Paul has been lately? It is honestly kind of strange, but not unwelcome.”

I go back to my work as I hear Emily answer while filling up muffin pans, “Yeah! I also noticed that.”

I freeze dead in my tracks when I hear, “It’s because of the imprint, the more he is around y/n the-”

I cut him off by yelling “JARED, SHUT UP!” but it was already too late, the damage was done.

“Y/n I am so sorry-” Jared starts

I cut him off, “It’s fine.” I put my hook down and make eye contact with Emily

“y/n/n is that true?” she softly asks coming out of the kitchen to sit next to me.

“Yes, it is, but Paul and I are not together in that way, I told him that I could really use a best friend right now. I didn’t completely shut down that idea either though, I just want to get to know him for him before that happens.”

“Does Sam know, why am I just hearing about this now?” she asks in confusion, knowing Sam he would have made a bit of a scene.

“No, Paul and I want to be the ones to tell him. We just don’t quite know how to yet.” I pause, “we made the guys promise not to say or think about it, I am actually surprised that Jared managed to last as long as he did.” I laugh playfully glaring at him.

“Hey! what are you trying to say kid!?!” he questions pointing at me.

“That you have a big mouth.” I joke holding back a laugh, when I hear Kim laugh.

“Oh, you little shit! I’ll give you a five second head start.” he says before standing and kissing Kim on the cheek.

I squeal and take off out the back door where I see a shirtless Paul, Embry and Quill. I sprint towards Paul and dunk behind him grabbing on to the back of his shoulders hiding. He looks over his shoulder at me in concern, “Y/n/n what’s wrong are you okay?”

“Jared may or may not be after me!” I exclaim as Jared comes running out of the house scanning the back yard.

“Where are you, you little shit.” he shouts and looks towards Paul. “Of course, um Yeah. NOPE!” he exclaims then goes back inside to Kim.

I come out from behind Paul to see him smirk down at me, “what was that about.” He asks pointing to the door.

“Jared um he slipped up and I told him he had a big mouth.” I state nervously as I hear Embry and Quill laugh.

Paul worriedly asks, “who was around when this happened?”

I pull Paul into a hug to calm us both down, “Only Emily and Kim, luckily.” I say into his chest savoring the warmth of his body.

He pulls me closer and rests his chin the top of my head, “So, I am assuming Emily wants to have a few words with me?”

“Yeah, she does.” I say while pulling away from his warm body. He sighs nervously and nods before walking inside. I decide to stay outside with Embry and Quill

“So, where’s Sam?” I ask

“Emily’s and his anniversary are coming up soon, so he is out looking for gifts.” Quill states

Paul POV

I walk into Sam and Emily’s with my palms slightly clammy. Emily is far scarier than Sam is when she is angry. “Hey Emily I heard that you wanted to talk to me?” I ask once I reach her kitchen table.

“Yes, I do, Kim can you and Jared please step outside for a few minutes?” She asks after putting something into the oven.

I see Kim start to drag Jared towards the slider, “of course.” She says before closing the slider behind her.

We both sit down at the table, “Paul I heard that you imprinted on Y/n.”

“Yes, I did, Emily, I promise you I didn’t mean too.” I start to defend myself when she cuts me off.

“Paul it is okay, I know you can’t control that stuff. Just know that y/n has been through a lot, I don’t know what she has told you about her mom and that is not my place to tell you those things but just know that she has a hard time letting people in. She has a bit of abandonment issues and if you of all people abandon her too, it would just crush her. I can see that you mean the world to her and I haven’t seen that look in her eye since her dad. I just don’t want to see her hurt.” Emily states while making eye contact with me.

“She has not told me much about what she has gone through but I can assure you with confidence that I have no intention of ever hurting her or leaving her side. Emily just seeing her sad during a movie sends a pang of pain to shoot through my chest. I know that she only sees me as a best friend and by all means that is enough for me but the more, I get to know her beautiful soul the more I start to fall in love with her. Like the only thing I want to do is keep that smile on her face.” I honestly vent to Emily.

“I am really thankful to hear that, I know you will protect her with your life and because I feel that I don’t have anything to worry about I promise I won’t tell Sam.” She states, “That was all, I just wanted to touch base with you.”

“Thank you, Emily,” I say before going outside to spend some one-on-one time with y/n before Sam gets back.

y/n pov about a week later

Emily had of course been true to her word and has not uttered a word to Sam about Paul’s and I connection. Though she has been slyly playing matchmaker and finding ways for Paul and I to be together. Like this morning for example, “y/n come get your lunch!”

I run down the stairs taking them two at a time until I make my way to the kitchen. I grab the brown paper bag from Emily and I noticed she is dressed up, “Thank you Auntie, um why are you so dressed up? Aren’t you just dropping me off at school.”

“For Sam and I anniversary this year I bought us tickets to a music festival a state over, we will be gone for about a week. Paul is coming to get you for school today,” She pulls me into a hug and in a hushed whisper says, “You will have the house to yourself just no funny business.”

“Really!” I exclaim “Have fun Auntie.” I say as Sam makes his way downstairs with two backpacks.

“Y/n are you sure you are going to be okay here alone?” he asks stopping in front of me.

“I’ll be fine Sam I promise. You two go have fun you deserve it.” I muse before pulling him into a tight hug.

I pull away and hug Emily one more time, “Thank you.” I say very quietly into her ear.

“If you need anything, call Jared or Quill.” Sam states with a hint of a smile on his face.

“Will do Sam, I love you guys!” I exclaim as they are walking out, I hear a “We love you too!” in reply.

I watch them pull out of the driveway and then I look down at my current outfit, with a sigh I quickly run up the stairs to change as I was not planning on seeing Paul until way later. I rush back down the stairs when I hear a knock on the door. I quickly fix my hair before I pull open the door with a smile. I am greeted with Paul’s warm presence.

I grin big, “Good morning, Paul.”

“Someone is cheery this morning.” Paul says before opening his strong arms, I happily walk into them allowing his warmth to comfort me for a minute.

All to soon I pull away and grab my backpack before I close the front door. I then put my house key in the lock, then check the door to make sure it is locked. “Can you let the pack know that the back door is open for them. Sam and Emily are in Idaho at a music festival for the next week or so.”

“Really when was this, no one told us anything.” He asks while walking us to his truck.

“Yeah, Emily surprised him, they left this morning. Emily said that I have the house to myself for a week or so.” I reply nodding in thanks as he opens my door for me. My heart swoons and butterflies swarm in my belly as he closes the door then jogs over to his side.

“Really?” He asks as he starts the truck.

“Yeah, would you want to have a sleep over, Emily said that it was okay.” I ask while admiring his side profile as he focuses on the road to get me to school safely.

I see Paul’s cheeks start to slightly flush before he answers, “of course, I would love to as long as Emily said it was okay.”

The ride to school was sadly quicker than I would have liked it to be. I sigh in distain as he pulls up in front of the school. “I am sorry I have to leave you at this hell hole y/n/n.” Paul states

“it’s fine Paul there is only three more months until graduation.” I state before deciding to be a bit bold, I then lean over to press a quick peck to Paul’s warm cheek. “Bye Paul see you after school.”

I see his cheeks deepen in color and he stutters, “k-knock them dead cutie.”

I giggle and open the truck door, shutting it behind me and walking towards what Paul describes as hell. I meet Seth by the front door as always, “Good morning, Seth.”

“Good morning y/n/n, did I just see Paul drop you off?” he asks holding the front door to the school open for me.

“Yeah, Sam and Emily are on their way to Idaho for a music festival.” I state walking with him to our first period of the day.

"Really!?! Why wasn’t I informed about this?” He asks sitting down at his desk next to mine.

“Emily bought the tickets for their anniversary so Sam probably didn’t know until late last night. That would explain why everyone was left in the dark.” I state before getting out my blue notebook for Chemistry.

The rest of my school day drones on uneventfully and much to slow for my liking. However, the final bell finally rings, signaling that it is three o’clock meaning school is out for the weekend. I rush to my locker as fast as my feet would carry me. I place all the things that I do not need for the weekend, slamming my locker shut I check the lock to make sure that no one is breaking into it. Not that I am worried at this school, it is a force of habit for going to school in California for so long.

I pick my backpack up off the floor, swing it over my shoulders before I start to push my way through the bodies all trying to make it to the exit first. I let out a breath of relief as the fresh crisp Washington air hits my face. I quickly glance around the parking lot looking for Paul’s truck which I find in the front row. With excitement I run over to his truck and gently pull open the door, “Hi Paul!”

“Hi there, how was your day love?” he asks.

I start to tell him about my day as I get in his truck, I only briefly stop to gently pull the door closed. After I am all done with my day, I glance over at Paul to already see him looking at me. “So,” he starts before continuing nervously, “I got Quill to cover my shift for patrol tonight, do you want to go to an arcade with me?”

A big smile breaks out on my face, “Paul is that even a question, I love arcades! I honestly can’t wait to see your face when I whoop your ass at Ski Ball.”

“Oh yeah, you think so?” he teases

“I know so hotshot.” I fire back.

“Awe you think I’m hot.”

“That is beside the point.” I squeak embarrassedly

“Yeah you- Wait seriously, you really think I’m hot?” he has surprise laced in his tone

“Yeah, Paul I do, have you seen yourself lately.” I reply with a new found confidence.

“Well, the feeling is mutual, I find you particularly eye catching as well.”

“Thanks Paul,” I giggle as I noticed he entered the freeway, in confusion I ask, “Paul where are we going.”

“We are going to a little hole in the wall arcade in Seattle, I used to go there all the time as a kid.” he replies like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

“Okie cool.” I reply placing my backpack at my feet on the floorboard. I feel my cheeks heat up as the embarrassment sets in finally, Paul found out that I thought he was hot...You are allowed to find your best friend hot...right?

I am brought out of my trance by Paul turns on his radio, “We can listen to whatever you want to y/n/n.” Paul mutters before signaling over.

“Thank you very much but I actually wanted to talk to you a bit about why I am currently living with Emily.” I reply before shakily turning the dial down again so he can clearly hear me.

“y/n/n, you know you can always tell me anything, I am not going to judge you, ever.” I noticed that we entered the exit that is going to take us to Seattle.

“Okay, so after my dad died about six years ago my started to go off the deep end. I started to rebel her rules in hopes that I would get the attention that I needed from her. “I pause to breathe before continuing, “however, nothing seemed to work. She became so wrapped up in drugs and her boyfriends that she couldn’t even remember my birthday the last two years. At sixteen I was crying alone in my bedroom. By my seventeenth I was in my friend's basement getting tattoos hoping my mom would notice that I was growing up without her. The only thing I got when I got home was an ass whooping and a plane ticket to Washington. I am kind of glad that I was sent away in some sick since because it led me to you and at this point, I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.” I state looking at the hands in my lap trying to ignore the sting in my eyes. I was so focused that I didn’t even notice that he parked the truck.

He gently lifts my chin up to look into my misty eyes, “Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me, y/n you are never going to have to feel that way again. You are surrounded by so many people who love and care about you. We notice you, and we are not going to forget another birthday of yours ever; Babes you are not alone anymore I promise.”

Tears start to slip out of my eyes that I couldn’t notice the tears that are clouding Paul’s eyes. I unbuckle my seat beat and scoot over to Paul’s warm welcoming body. I hug him tightly, “thank you.” I feel his arms tighten around me as I cry into his neck, soaking the shoulder of his tee shirt.

“Hey little love it is okay, no more tears; you said something about tattoos, may I see them?” Paul carefully removes my face from his neck and gently wipes the last of my tears.

With a small smile I pull away to take of my cardigan, “you can see one of them, it is actually kind of ironic.” I take off the ace bandage that covers my forearm when I am at school. “I cover it when I am at school.” After my forearm is free, I gently push it towards Paul.

“Is that...a wolf,” he asks gently tracing it.

“Yes, it is. I let my friend Eric practice on me and I must say it hurt and I am lucky it came out as good as it did.”

“Was this his very first piece.”

“No, the tattoo that is on my hip is the very first one ever.” I state with a nod.

“You let him see you hip.” He asks with a bit of joking jealously

“Paul I was I crop top,” I laugh, “It was not even like that, he has a girlfriend.”

“Oh, well could I see it.” he asks wiggling his eyebrows slightly.”

“Maybe one day,” I tease back, “now let’s go play some Ski Ball!” I exclaim before getting out of the truck.

#paul lahote imagine #paul lahote imagines #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote fluff #twilight imagines #twilight imagine #twilight drabble #twilight x reader #wolf pack imagine #wolf pack imagines #wolf pack drabble

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the-autisticats · 3 years

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“How should I help an autistic person who’s having a meltdown?”

This is a question that hundreds of people asked after my latest Twitter thread about Sia’s movie, where the autistic character is restrained in prone position while having a meltdown.

That post explains why & how prone restraint is dangerous and traumatic. But a lot of people were wondering what should be done to help an autistic person during a meltdown. What are the alternatives to restraint? What would I recommend, as someone who’s had countless severe meltdowns myself?

I generally advise against trying to assist with a meltdown unless you know the person. If they’re totally by themselves, then it’s a judgement call. But more often than not, the person will already have someone with them who can help. Additionally, having a stranger approach during a meltdown has a high chance of making the situation even more stressful for the autistic person. So only approach the person in this circumstance if you think it’s absolutely necessary and would definitely help. For example, if the person was lost and needed assistance getting back to a familiar location.

Okay, so, what do you do if assisting the person is the right role for you to take?

The first step when assisting with any meltdown, is to minimize sensory input and ensure physical safety. Meltdowns are the result of overstimulation, so it’s important to try and reduce the amount of external factors that could be causing overwhelm. It’s also important to ensure that the person is not in immediate danger. Often, solving for those two things will involve changing location.

This is complicated, and if a meltdown is already underway it might be impossible to change locations safely. Even if you do change locations, the meltdown has already started so it’s not just going to stop immediately. So, here are some suggestions for direct support to the person. All of this depends on the environment, the tools available, and your relationship to the person having the meltdown. Use your critical thinking skills to consider different types of responses in different scenarios.

If the person can’t speak: assess what communication methods they can use, and what kind of communication is necessary. If you need to collaborate with the person to find solutions (particularly if you’re in a public place), using an AAC app, a picture-based communication system, pen and paper, or sign language will probably be your best bet. If the person can’t access those things but is still able to nod & shake their head, make sure that any questions you ask are yes or no questions. If you ask something like “Do you want to stay or leave?” they won’t be able to respond. Instead say, “Do you want to stay?” and then if that answer isn’t clear, “Do you want to leave?”

If the person is in a loud or chaotic environment: try to remove them as soon as possible. If they stay in that situation, the meltdown will probably get worse. Sometimes it can be hard for autistic people to move on our own when we’re in a meltdown. We tend to get stuck. So having someone lead us elsewhere can be extremely helpful in a circumstance where we’re too overwhelmed to move ourselves or even know where to go.

If the person has comfort items: try to make sure they have access to them. Blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, water bottles, chewies, stim toys, etc. can all help comfort an autistic person who’s having a meltdown. Some of us have favorite items that we carry with us everywhere. Make sure we have those with us (assuming the items aren’t lost; and if they are lost, help us find them).

If the person is injuring themselves or others: the first step is to try and find replacements for those actions, that meet the same sensory need. If someone is biting themselves, try to find something else for them to bite into. Many autistic people have chewies and other stim toys that can help us in this type of situation. If we don’t have one with us, sometimes other kinds of strong sensory input can work as well. Something that has worked for me in the past, to keep me from biting or hitting myself, is to put something frozen on my lips or in my mouth. The cold is strong and provides a very similar sense of relief.

Many autistic people, myself included, find it beneficial to be hugged tightly and to have our hands or arms squeezed by someone else. But this really depends on the person and their sensory profile, as well as your relationship to the person. Some autistic people hate being touched during meltdowns. So you have to be aware of the individual and their specific needs.

The ONLY circumstance in which a person should be restrained, is if they are at imminent risk of causing injury to themselves or others. Noncompliance, angry speech, etc. are NOT a valid reason to restrain someone. And the typical kinds of restraint used on autistic people are actually quite dangerous. Prone restraint, for example, can be deadly. The only kind of restraint I’ve had used on me that was physically comfortable and felt safe, was when my mom sat behind me and put her legs over mine (leaving some space so that I could still bend my knees a little bit), and hugged me from behind so that my upper arms were against my sides but my hands & wrists weren’t being held and could still move.

I’ve been restrained in a basket hold and in prone position, and both of those positions were extremely painful and traumatic to me. There are probably forms of restraint similar to the one I described that would work but are not harmful and that don’t run the risk of injuring the person. The key I think is to have the person sitting upright, and to restrict the movement of their limbs without putting any pressure on their torso or running the risk of bending/stretching their limbs too far. And again, only do this if it’s absolutely necessary and all other options have been exhausted.

If the person is stimming, making loud noises, sobbing, screaming, and so on: Do not restrain the person, try to stop them from stimming, or try to stop them from making noise. As long as they’re physically safe, this needs to be allowed because it’s the only way for the energy of the meltdown to be released. If they’re screaming and it hurts your ears, put in earplugs to meet your own sensory needs. The truth is that there’s almost always nothing you can do to stop this aspect of a meltdown. All you can do is provide sensory tools, move the person to a safer and quieter location, and wait for it to pass.

Now, here are some reminders about meltdowns:

They are neurological events that are beyond the person’s control

Becoming angry at a person who’s having a meltdown will not help

Meltdowns are caused by a buildup of overwhelming stimuli, not just one tiny thing

They can be triggered more easily if the person is hungry or has low blood sugar (so if a person is getting cranky or seems like they might enter a meltdown, try to get them to eat something)

Every autistic person is different, which means that all of our meltdowns look different and all of us need different things when we’re being helped

You should talk to your autistic friends or relatives about how to help them during a meltdown when they’re in a calm and regulated state. If you can’t talk to the person, you can ask their caregivers what things tend to help the most

Meltdowns often require a period of recovery and after-care. Make sure that the person is safe and comfortable as they recover

While there are lots of things you can do to mitigate the chances of a meltdown happening, sometimes they just can’t be prevented. That’s okay, and it’s something you can prepare for

Communication is key when caring for someone who’s having a meltdown. Let them know what you’re doing and why, ask simple questions when needed, and listen when they communicate with you

What works during one meltdown might not work during the next one. Try to be flexible and ready to adapt as needed, because every situation is different

It’s okay if you don’t get everything right. Situations like these are stressful and hard for everyone involved, so don’t worry about doing things perfectly. All that matters is that you’re trying your best

This is all I have to say for now, but there’s a lot that I’m forgetting about or just haven’t included because it would make the post too long.

If you have any questions about autism that you want answered quickly and you’re willing to pay me a small amount (starting at $3) via Venmo or PayPal, you can email your questions to me at [email protected] and I’ll get back to you with a detailed answer (and payment information) as soon as possible. This is something I’m starting as I expand the consulting side of my advocacy work. Thank you for your support!

~Eden🐢

#actually autistic #autism #autistic #ableism #autism acceptance #autism awareness #autismacceptance #autism meltdown #neurodivergent

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

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I love you (and I don't want to) (Spencer Reid/Reader)

Requested: Yes

Summary: After three years in love with Spencer, (Y/N) decides it's time to move on. He will never love her anyway, right?

Category: Angst/Fluffy ending

Word count: 4,2K

Warnings: Cursing, but you love me anyway 💜

Masterlist

It had been three years of her life. Three whole years she had been in love with Spencer Reid. But (Y/N) couldn't deal with those feelings anymore. She didn't want to continue torturing herself, waiting for him. Why? 'cos for him, (Y/N) was just his friend, his very best friend. But nothing more. And she wanted more. She wanted everything with him, and after three years, she knew she wasn't going to get it.

(Y/N) had hinted to Spencer in every possible way that she was in love with him, but he hadn't acted on it. She actually felt pathetic. (Y/N) thought she couldn't be any more obvious about her feelings. The only thing she hadn't done was kissing Reid. And she wasn't going to because it was clear all she was going to get was rejection.

That's why, after three years postponing her own life, waiting around to see if Spencer might actually see her as a woman and not as a friend, she was done. She had to move on from him, even if it was the hardest thing she had ever done.

But working with Spencer didn't make it easier. There he was, every morning, smiling at her from his desk. Asking her how she had spent the night, what she had done. Even inviting her over to his apartment for a movie night. Which with Spencer actually meant watching movies and nothing else. Nothing. Not even holding hands.

In three years, the most physical (Y/N) had even been with Spencer had been the day she got shot in a leg, and he hugged her when she rejoined the team after her leave.

One hug in three years. That was it. Spencer was way more physical with Morgan, or with anyone else, as a matter of fact. That's why it was time to let him go. (Y/N) knew she wasn't going to find another man like him, though maybe that was the idea.

She loved him so much it hurt, and she needed to get rid of that pain.

(Y/N) knew she could get a man's attention if she wanted to. That's why it was so frustrating not being able to get Spencer's. Decided to get him out of his mind, (Y/N) dragged Emily and García for a "Lady's night." And by the end of the evening, she had given her number to three different guys. Neither of them was Spencer Reid, but at least (Y/N) felt her ego boost from getting their attention.

- "(Y/N)! I still can't get over how hot that guy was!! did he call you already?"- Penelope walked through the bullpen straight to (Y/N) 's desk, ignoring everybody but her friend. (Y/N) bit her lips and closed her eyes for a second, embarrassed her friend had literally yelled to the whole FBI they had met a cute guy the night before.

- "What? Who?"- Derek Morgan nearly jumped and rubbed his hands together, excited to hear the story, and walked with Garcia to (Y/N) 's desk.

Spencer raised his eyes from the file he was reading and scanned (Y/N) 's face. She was blushed, obviously nervous, and biting her lips as she smiled. What? Was she excited? Happy? Annoyed? and who was Garcia talking about? what guy? (Y/N) wasn't dating anyone. He would know. He knew everything she did. Not that he was a stalker or anything, but he listened each time she talked, and she usually told him everything she did.

Did she? Maybe not anymore. Spencer realized he needed to know what Garcia was talking about, so he pretended to be working but paid all of his attention to that conversation.

- "Thank you, Penelope"- (Y/N) huffed and shook her head- "I don't think Anderson heard you, by the way."

- "I heard her!"- Anderson raised his hand and waved- "Hot guy, she can't get over him"

- "Thank you!"- (Y/N) smiled at Anderson and covered her face with both hands.

- "Oh, come on! Don't be shy. You are not shy. And last night's (Y/N) wasn't shy either!"- Penelope tapped on (Y/N) 's back, as she grabbed the closest chair and moved it to her desk- "So, did he call?"

- "Who are you guys talking about?"- Morgan asked, crossing his arms on his chest, staring at the two women- "What did you do last night?"

- "Turns out this lady right here is the best party girl I've ever met, and in all these years, she had never shown this side of her! Ever!"- Penelope was clearly under the effect of three cups of coffee.

- "What did she do?"

- "Oh my beloved Morgan, you should have seen her!"- Garcia started explaining, and Spencer realized his stomach, as well as his fists, were tightening.

- "Please, don't!"- (Y/N) begged, but it was useless.

- "She was a lioness in the wild, and the hottest guys in the club were her prey. She danced with only the most attractive men in the whole place. And she flirted, and laughed, enchanted them all. Guys were asking for her phone number the whole time we were in that club. I swear I had never seen anything like it before."

- "What?! this pretty lady right here?"- Morgan pointed at (Y/N), who was still covering her face with both hands- "She always refuses to go out clubbing with me."

- "Well, clearly she was hiding her wild side"- Garcia sentenced and nodded at her own words- "So, did he call already?"

- "No. He hasn't"

- "Who?"- Prentiss asked, joining the conversation- "Bachelor number three? Please tell me you are gonna marry that man. It would be a crime not to."

The fact even Prentiss was drooling over that unknown guy hit Spencer harder. He knew (Y/N) was gorgeous and that she could get any guy's attention if she wanted to. But in the last three years, she had ignored every man who had flirted with her. Why the sudden change?

Spencer knew he couldn't ask (Y/N) not to flirt or go out with anyone, just 'cos he loved her in silence. Reid wished he could tell her how he felt, but he knew it was impossible for her to love him. She always took special care of him. She was always there when no one else was. But Spencer considered it as a gesture of friendship, not of love. He was so blind, he had wasted three years of happiness by her side, only because he was sure someone like her could never want someone like him.

Lucky for Spencer (or unlucky in a way), he didn't have to listen to that conversation for much longer. Hotch asked the team for the reports of the last three cases they had worked on, which meant they had a busy day ahead, and the bullpen was silent for most of the day.

Until (Y/N) 's phone hummed around noon, and Prentiss jumped from her desk.

- "Is it him?! is he?"- (Y/N) looked at Emily in shock- "What?"

- "You are acting like a schoolgirl. Put your shit together."

- "Shut up and let me live my life through you for a second! is that him?"- (Y/N) grabbed her phone and nodded. Spencer looked at her friend and held his breath. What was happening? Why was she clubbing and meeting guys all of a sudden?

- "I can't stop thinking about you. I hope you are having a great day. Wanna have dinner with me tonight?"- (Y/N) read out loud and bit her lips.

- "Please say yes and ask him for a picture."

- "Garcia already found pictures of him online"- (Y/N) announced Emily and showed her the mail she had gotten from their friend- "She checked his whole life. And he wasn't lying. The guy is a pediatrician, he is single, never been in jail, gives lots of money to charity...."

- "And he is so hot, Ryan Reynolds would be jealous of him. Seriously (Y/N), please date him. You deserve to be happy, and that guy is screaming, "I could make you happy."

Emily had never been the kind of woman to say those things out loud in the bullpen, during work, knowing anyone might hear her. But that was precisely what she wanted.

She knew Spencer was paying attention. And she wanted him to listen to what was going on because it might be the only way to make him see he had to tell (Y/N) what he really felt for her before it was too late.

Prentiss knew Spencer was in love with (Y/N), though he had denied it every time she had confronted him about his feelings. But you can't hide those things from profilers. Less from profilers who are also your best friends.

Emily knew (Y/N) loved him too, and it was nerve-wracking watching them waste their time and neither of them doing anything to be together.

Maybe the fact (Y/N) was getting someone else's attention would make Spencer react. If not, well, maybe (Y/N) would get a chance to be happy with the club's hot guy.

The hot guy from the bar had a name. It was Benjamin, and he took (Y/N) our for dinner that night. He had been lovely and charming, just like he had been when they met at the club. So sweet and charming, in fact, (Y/N) felt he might be the one who could take Spencer from her heart. That's why, when he asked her out again later that week, she accepted.

- "Oh my god!"- JJ walked to (Y/N) in shock- "Who sent you these?"- there was a gigantic bouquet of red roses on (Y/N) 's desk, and the owner was staring at them, absolutely blushed. In three years, no one had sent her flowers. It was impossible not to feel special.

- "Benjamin"- (Y/N) whispered and opened the card that came with the roses- "He asked me out, again."

- "You know, red roses are the most common flower to give to a woman."- Spencer had made his best to stay out of that conversation and every conversation related to Benjamin in the last week and a half. But he couldn't do it anymore.

He was done.

- "Worldwide, everybody gives red roses to say "I love you," turning a beautiful flower into a sad and empty cliché."- Spencer stood up from his desk and walked over (Y/N) and JJ, staring at the bouquet.

- "Sad and empty?"- (Y/N) stood up and crossed her arms on her chest, defensive- "Why would you say that?"

- "When everybody does it, the gesture might turn into something meaningless. A banality."

JJ looked at Spencer and at (Y/N). Since Benjamin was in the picture, it was clear their friendship was in trouble. Reid was more distant and (Y/N) was focused on her date. You didn't need to be a profiler to see what was going on, and JJ knew the wise thing to do was to take a step back and leave the two of them to fix their problems on their own.

Something JJ knew was never going to happen, 'cos Reid would be passive-aggressive and (Y/N) would get annoyed and leave.

- "Why are you so bitter today, Spencer? It's just flowers?"- (Y/N) asked him and raised an eyebrow. Reid mimicked her movement and crossed his arms on his chest as well.

- "I'm not bitter, (Y/N). I'm just telling you this gesture of love that's melting your heart is nothing but a cheap way to get under your skirt."

Morgan, Prentiss, and JJ wide opened their eyes at Spencer's words. But (Y/N) didn't even flinch.

- "And since when do you care if someone is trying to get under my skirt?"- she asked, staring into Reid's eyes.

- "I don't."

- "Then why are you telling me this?"

- "I just thought you were smarter than this. I guess I was wrong."

You could feel the tension growing between them. And the sparks coming from (Y/N) 's eyes that were filled with anger.

Spencer regretted every word that had left his lips ever since he stood up, but he couldn't take them back. What was done was done. And so, he could feel (Y/N) 's friendship and love slipping through his fingers with every word he said.

Later that night, Spencer couldn't sleep. It wasn't late, but he hadn't had a proper rest for weeks. Since he first heard (Y/N) was out clubbing with her friends, actually. And now that she was dating someone else, there was no way Spencer could close his eyes.

He felt awful after what he had told her, and he kept trying to come up with an idea to apologize to her. In three years, they had never fought before. Well, he had never been so jealous of anyone getting her attention in the last three years.

He couldn't shake the thought of her being on a date with Ben at that very same minute. They were together. She was laughing. And that would be enough for that guy to fall in love with her. How couldn't he? (Y/N) was perfect. Spencer knew it.

Reid paced like a lion in his apartment. He sipped his third cup of herbal tea, trying to follow (Y/N) 's advice to reduce caffeine at night in a useless effort to sleep better. But he knew coffee wasn't the reason he wasn't going to get any sleep that night. It was (Y/N). (Y/N) and all the feelings he had for her.

Why couldn't he just tell her he loved her? Why did he have to hold those feelings back for so long? Was it too late to tell her? Of course, it was! and even if (Y/N) wasn't in love with Ben, that didn't mean she'd ever love Reid. They were friends, and that was it.

The hum of his cellphone took Spencer from his thoughts. Somehow reading "we've got a case" on the screen made him feel better. At least now he had something else to think about. Reid could focus on saving lives instead of his own misery.

The case could be solved. His personal life couldn't.

Work was where Spencer could hide. It was his escape from his own problems, from his head, and his tendency to overthink everything.

Work was his refugee, his temple. A place he could even call home.

And that's why he lost it when he saw (Y/N) holding some guy's hand in the hall outside the elevator, in the BAU.

- "What are you doing?"- Reid wasn't even subtle at that point. He ignored Penelope, Morgan, Prentiss, and JJ. Needless to say, he also ignored that random man he knew was Benjamin.

- "Hi Spencer"- (Y/N) cut him a short smile and tried to act normal, but she knew it wasn't going to happen.

- "We've got a case."

- "Hi! Nice to meet you. I'm Benjamin"- Ben tried to shake Reid's hand, but Spencer didn't just ignore him. The glance he gave him was so cold and annoyed, (Y/N) was embarrassed already.

- "Don't mean to be rude, but what the fuck are you doing here? Do you think you can come and visit the FBI whenever you want to?"

The whole team was silent. Spencer's words resonated through the empty halls. (Y/N) felt her heart stop and her cheeks turning red with embarrassment and anger.

- "I'm sorry,"- Ben whispered and cleared his throat- "I should go."

- "No, please."- (Y/N) held his hand tighter and turned to him, knowing Spencer was staring at every move she made.

- "You have to work. I just came to drop you off. Take care, ok?"- Ben said, smiling. (Y/N) nodded and slowly leaned in and kissed him.

Spencer's heart dropped. That was it. He couldn't deal with that anymore. Reid turned around and rushed out the hall.

What had he done? What had she done? That was it. He was screwed.

- "Spence?"- JJ found him hidden in the conference room, sitting at a chair, his head resting on the table, covered with both hands.

- "What?"- he whispered, but didn't move- "I know, I know"- he added before JJ would say anything- "I ruined it all."

- "Why don't you just tell her what you feel?"- she asked her and sat by his side. But Spencer still didn't move.

- "What for?"

- "For starters, to apologize for being a dick today."

- "It's useless, JJ."

- "Why?"- Reid sighed and turned slowly to look at his friend. JJ smiled at him kindly and shook her head- "It's not useless, Spence. She loves you."

- "She loves me as a friend."

- "No, she is in love with you. The only reason she is dating Ben is that she needs to get over you 'cos she is sure you don't love her."

Spencer looked at JJ in silence, trying to put those ideas together. But they made no sense.

- "There's no way (Y/N) loves me."

- "She does. She has been in love with you for the last three years, Spence. And if I were you, I'd apologize to her, and I'd tell her the truth."

- "She really loves me?"- Spencer whispered, and JJ nodded- "Why didn't you tell me before?"

- "I tried to tell you a million times before, you wouldn't believe me! now try to find a way to fix this before you lose her!"

Reid stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. JJ was right; he had to fix everything. He had to win (Y/N) 's love back.

But Hotch and the rest of the team walked into the conference room that minute, including (Y/N). And his plans were forced to be paused until that serial killer was caught.

That was a miserable case. Not only because the unsub was killing lonely older women, and no one noticed most of the victims because no one would visit them. Which made the trail of murders was nearly untraceable. But because Spencer and (Y/N) weren't even looking at each other during the whole time they were investigating, and to call it "awkward" was being subtle.

It was hell for both of them.

Being in the jet was torture, 'cos there was nowhere to hide from each other. When Hotch asked them to go to the last crime scene together was the worst. (Y/N) had to ask Emily to go instead 'cos she knew she couldn't deal with Spencer at that minute.

And all that time, all Reid could think about was that kiss. The image of (Y/N) kissing Ben in front of him, and the words JJ had said. That (Y/N) loved him, and that was the reason why she was doing all that.

Solving that case was more complex than he expected because he couldn't put his mind to it. All he could think of was (Y/N).

On the jet back to Quantico, Spencer sat in front of her, decided to talk to her. But she stood up and left in a second, not giving him the chance to open his mouth. JJ stared at him and cut him a short smile, trying to encourage him not to lose faith. Spencer knew (Y/N) was mad at him, and she would act her worst when she was upset. But this time, he knew he had fucked it up. There was no other way to explain it.

Saying "Sorry" wouldn't do it. Spencer would have to do better.

But how?

(Y/N) reached her house and closed the door behind her back, still making her best not to cry. She had held those tears back for two days now since she had fought with Spencer, and she refused to weep over him anymore. It was a waste of tears.

Spencer Reid was an asshole, that was all.

All there was left to do was to forget about him. Maybe (Y/N) could text Benjamin, tell him she was already back in town, though she really didn't want to. (Y/N) wanted that night for herself, ask for pizza, watch a movie, do nothing. Maybe take a long bath. She could deal with reality in the morning. But right now, she wanted that night for herself.

Of course, she wasn't going to get it. The knocking on her door ruined her plans before she could actually ask for her pizza.

Spencer Reid was holding his breath at the other side of the door and making his best effort not to faint. That's how nervous he was. (Y/N) looked at him in shock, and for a few seconds, she forgot how mad she was with him because the way he was looking at her was heart-melting.

- "I'm sorry,"- Spencer whispered and gave her a gigantic bunch of flowers- "(Y/N), I am so sorry I was an asshole with you."

- "I don't want your flowers."- she refused to take them and took a step back into her apartment. But Spencer followed her.

- "(Y/N), I..."

- "No, you hurt me. You insulted me. You humiliated me and..."

- "And I love you"- Spencer confessed- "I love you, and I have been an insensitive asshole with you. I know you won't forgive me, but I had to try."

(Y/N) stared at him in shock. She didn't move. She didn't even blink. Spencer stared at her in silence, closing the door behind his back. At least they were now inside her apartment, and she wasn't kicking him out. He thought that was a good sign.

- "What are you talking about, Spencer?"

- "I love you. I am in love with you (Y/N). I have been in love with you for the last three years, and I kept telling myself it was useless to feel this way for you 'cos you would ever even look at me that way. But now that you've got that guy, I've realized worse than losing you for telling you my feelings is losing you over some douchebag for not telling you how I feel."

Spencer was rambling too fast, and (Y/N) was not getting what was going on.

- "So you decided to come here and tell me how you feel so I would forgive you?"- (Y/N) asked him, still mad- "'Cos telling me you love me doesn't make me feel any better, Spencer. If anything, it's making me even madder at you! What the fuck is your problem?!"- (Y/N) turned around and walked to her living room, not really knowing what to do.

- "What?"- Spencer asked, confused, following her around.

- "I've been fucking in love with you for years! and you waited till now to tell me how you feel?"

- "I never thought you'd like me!"

- "I don't like you! I fucking love you, Spencer!"

- "I love you too (Y/N)!"

There was a deep silence in the room. (Y/N) and Spencer stared at each other, neither of them knowing what to do. They were in love. Literally, madly in love.

- "I love you, (Y/N)"- Spencer repeated and took a step closer to her.

- "I know, I heard you"- she whispered, confused. She was so upset and so happy at the same time. She had no idea what she was doing.

Reid didn't know what to do either, how to act, or how to fix things. The only thing he could think of doing was simple: to kiss her. Reid took another step closer to her, and she didn't move away. So he wrapped an arm around her waist and held her tight.

- "I love you, (Y/N)"- he repeated for the third time and kissed her with such passion, yet love, (Y/N) 's knees nearly betrayed her. Her head was spinning. Her body was shaking. She was in love, and the man of her dreams was finally kissing her.

Spencer was finally touching her, holding her, kissing her. After three years.

- "You said roses were sad and empty,"- (Y/N) whispered and looked at the bouquet Reid was still holding.

- "I said a lot of things I regret,"- he whispered and kissed her again. This time, less urgently and more sweetly, savoring her little by little- "And these are special flowers."

- "Care to explain?"- (Y/N) murmured and sighed. Spencer nodded and handed her the flowers again, smiling childishly.

- "Purple roses are not nearly as common as red or white roses are. And that's why they indicate a fascination and adoration."- of course, Spencer Reid had a real explanation for picking those flowers.

- "Purple roses are associated with royalty, and they were often given to queens. That's why it's the only flower I could give to you. You are my queen. You have always been, and I've been a stupid blind man not to see it before."

(Y/N) bit her lips and stared at him, not knowing what to say. Spencer sheepishly smiled at her and leaned in to kiss her. But she stopped him.

- "You were an asshole."

- "I know, I'm sorry"- he whispered, honestly sorry- "I'll live the rest of my life making sure you'll forgive me."

- "You won't get tired of me?"

- "Never"- he whispered and leaned over her- "I've been in love with you forever, and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you."

- "Sounds like a lot of time, Spencer."

- "We've waited three years already (Y/N). I'm not wasting any more time."- Spencer Walter Reid held (Y/N) and kissed her. He knew he had wasted three years, but he was willing to do anything and everything he could to make it up for her. All he wanted now was to make her happy every day.

****

Taglist

@all-tings-diego @calm-and-doctor

#spencer reid #criminal minds #mgg #matthew gray gubler #mgg x reader #fluff #angst #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencie reid #babymetaldoll writes

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rainydaydream-gal18 · 3 years

Text

(The Bad Batch) Tech x Reader: Pause - PART 2

(Set during episode 3 “Replacements”)

SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 3 below if you haven’t seen it yet!

Note: I had multiple people ask for a second part to the first one, and I had so much fun writing it, so here we are! This had me swooning at 8 in the morning while I was writing up the end! I really hope you enjoy!

Link to Part 1 (set during episode 2)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“I should’ve gone with them,” you muttered to yourself, staring through the viewport of the ship into the darkness outside. “Omega is so young. She really shouldn’t have gone in the first place.”

“Hunter will look after her,” Tech spoke up as he welded a few parts of the ship together at one of the main consoles. He didn’t take his eyes off the project in front of him, only spoke over his shoulder. It gave you room to admire his profile for a moment while he so diligently worked.

“You’re right,” you sighed. “But still, I can’t help but worry. Please give me something to do so I don’t drive myself crazy thinking about it.”

Echo chuckled as he worked on a separate console on the other side of the cockpit, nodding you over. “You could hold these sheets of metal while I screw them back into place.”

“Yes, sir.” You clambered past the assorted parts and pieces that littered the space, catching your foot on a particularly heavy chunk of metal. It made your eyes water. “Okay, ow.”

“Are you alright?” Tech actually paused his endeavor and pulled his helmet up to glance your way.

“Yeah,” you replied, shaking off the pain. “I just tripped on this thing.”

“Be careful.”

“No worries, I’ll try not to break any of the parts.”

“The parts weren’t what I was concerned about.”

Your gaze found his for a split second before he lowered his helmet back on and resumed welding. Rather than dwell on it too much, you turned your attention back to Echo and took hold of the metal sheets so he could screw them into place properly. Wrecker was causing a bit of a commotion in the back of the ship, most likely putting together the room he announced he was going to make for Omega after she and Hunter had departed. You were touched by his gesture and listened with amusement to the sounds of stuff being dragged around and dropped back there.

“Hey, _________!” he called. “Could you give me a hand with something?”

You exchanged looks with Echo who had finished replacing all the sheet metal on his side by now. He gave you a nod, letting you know he could spare you for a minute.

“I’ll be right back,” you told him. You headed down the hall to see Wrecker holding a strand of lights in his hand with the other hand ghosting over the spot where he hit his head during the crash. “What’s up?”

“Can you hold this end of the strand? While I hand the other side?”

You smiled. “Sure. You know, this is really nice of you. Omega is going to love it.”

“You think?”

“I know it, Wrecker.” The two of you exchanged grins before setting to work on hanging the lights. Wrecker paused when he reached the end of the strand, and you were struggling to hold it up so high. “Uh, what’s the hold up?”

“I took too many hooks,” he said.

“Oh,” you nodded. “Well here, you hang the last part, and I’ll put the rest of the hooks away.” He dropped the set of hooks into your palm, and you made your way to a compartment where the squad kept miscellaneous supplies. On your way through the doorway, you encountered a figure on its way out.

The first thing you registered was Tech’s eyes widening slightly in surprise as the two of you ended up squeezed in the small space together, nearly chest-to-chest.

“Sorry, ________.”

“No, it’s my bad,” you insisted. “I didn’t look before going in.”

“Well, I didn’t look before going out.”

Meanwhile, neither of you had moved from the spot. His close proximity sent your heart racing as he gazed down at you, close enough that you could lean in a few inches and kiss him if you wanted- which you did want, of course. Did he?

“Everything going okay up there?” you asked.

“Yes, most of the individual parts repairs are complete. “All we need now is that capacitor.”

“That’s good news.” Your face fell a little. “I just hope Hunter and Omega both make it back alright.”

His gaze was so sincere as he responded, “they will." The hand he had just rested on your shoulder twitched as he hesitantly pulled it away. “We, ah, never had a chance to talk on Saleucami.”

You nodded. “Yeah, things have been a little crazy. What was it you wanted to talk about?”

“I recall we both had something to speak to the other about.”

You suddenly felt bashful and tore your eyes from his and let them fall to the floor. “Well, you first.”

He went quiet for a moment. “Alright.” He inhaled deeply as if gathering the nerve. “I wanted to speak with you because over the course of our missions together, I’ve developed feelings-”

“_________!” Wrecker called, his thudding footsteps nearing the closet.

Tech clamped his mouth shut while you replied before he reached the closet.

“Yeah, Wrecker?”

“Omega’s room is done! Wanna’ see?”

“Oh, awesome! I’ll be there in a minute!”

His footsteps faded down the hall again, and you glanced back at Tech with a chuckle. He adjusted his goggles, a small smile on his face at the amusement of the situation. You were convinced that he was about to say what you really, really wanted to hear.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” he continued. “I’ve developed feelings for you, _________. It’s never happened before, and I only know from what I’ve read that the proper thing for me to do would be to tell you and to ask to court you, if you wish to do so.”

Your heart was fluttering, eyes were watering, and the smile on your face grew even wider. “Tech, I feel the same way,” you told him. “I know this situation we’re in as a squad isn’t conventional, but I do have feelings for you and would love to ‘court.’” The last word broke off into another giddy laugh. You only had to move forward a few inches to wrap your arms around his form in an embrace. It wasn’t super comfortable with his armor on, but it felt right when you pressed your cheek against his chest plate, and you felt his chin on your head. The two of you stood there squeezing each other for a minute or so and listened to the quiet breaths that filled the air. Then, you pulled your head away to angle your face up towards his, and he accepted the invitation. His eyes fell closed as he kissed your lips. It was warm and a sort of relief washed over you as your hands traveled up to grip his shoulders while his pulled you in tighter. He was still a little rigid at first, but as soon your lips moved against his he responded.

Your back fell against the cool metal wall as his lips chased yours.

“Ah, sorry,” he murmured. You bit your lip and smiled, leaning in for another kiss.

“It’s okay,” you assured him. “Didn’t bother me.”

The moment was beautifully awkward as he pulled away to stare at you like he had many times before. The pause went on longer than you expected, so you finally spoke again in a humorous tone.

“What?”

“I’m just admiring your beauty,” he said, reaching up to run his thumb down from your forehead to the tip of your nose, a small gesture that made you smile again. “So many times I wanted to have this moment.”

“Well, now it’s here.” Then, your brows went up. “Oh, I need to go see Omega’s room. I told Wrecker I’d be there in a minute.”

Tech was hesitant to let you go, but he seemed to understand. He most likely also wasn’t up for a situation where Wrecker would come looking for you and see the two of you in the supply closet. Even if he didn’t see any lips making contact, the jokes would go on and on for the rest of the time on this moon. Neither of you were entirely up for it. You’d let the rest of the squad know about your new relationship when the time was right, though Hunter might pick up on it before then. He was pretty observant.

“I’ll go with you,” Tech said. “Wrecker will want me to see the room anyway.”

“Okay,” you nodded.

“Ladies first.” He gestured to the small doorway, and you grinned. You took his hand and headed out the door first, him following behind. Neither of you let go until you neared the room where Wrecker was showing Echo already.

“There you two are!” Wrecker said. “Check it out!” He gestured to the room past the lifted curtain to show the space he had made for Omega, and you gushed at how great it looked while he stood there proudly. The lights shone in your eyes and reflected off Tech’s goggles beside you.

There had been some rough times behind you, and there were sure to be more ahead. The galaxy was in disarray while this new Empire claimed it was order. The squad had lost one member. Everyone missed Crosshair, but there was hope of bringing him back.

This moment felt like another pause from all of that. It was a day of new beginnings.

#bad batch tech x reader #tech x reader #the bad batch x reader #bad batch reader insert #tech reader insert #tech x you #bad batch tech x you #the bad batch imagine #the bad batch fanfiction #tech fanfiction #the bad batch tech fanfiction #star wars the bad batch reader insert #star wars the bad batch x reader

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spencersawkward · 3 years

Text

top shelf//MGG - part 1

summary: broke and having a bad day, Reader runs into Matthew outside a café. after a couple encounters, his financial support and friendship become something more.

word count: 3k

content warnings: swearing but nothing else!

pairing: Fem!Reader/Matthew

A/N: hi! welcome to my new series. i don’t think this will be super long in terms of parts, but i’ll try to update as frequently as possible for you all. this chapter is pretty expositional, so i’m sorry in advance lol. also i know i made it short but lmk if you want them to be longer. also shoutout my sweet sweet angels @reidsconverse and @voidsfilm bc i would literally cry without both of you. also THANK YOU to @dr-spencerr-reidd for this concept bc i probably wouldn't have written it without your ask!! sending hugs :)

you throw your phone down on the passenger seat with a frustrated groan. after everything that's happened today, you're now stuck on a congested street with your car barely inside the parking spot alongside the sidewalk.

your screen sits there beside you, blank and unresponsive, and you know you're going to have to go inside the coffee shop to ask to use their phone and call Triple A. of course it's not working because nothing is working today. you might as well just sit in your car and cry.

but you can't, because you have a huge project for work that you need to get done by next week, and you've already procrastinated enough. a red glow from the headlights of other cars on the street shine through your windows like melted wax, distorted by the rain. it's been pouring all day.

bracing yourself for the onslaught, you grab the old umbrella from the foot well of the passenger seat and open the door of your car. the torrents hit your body like a wall of ice, soaking you as you try to get to the safety of the café. the umbrella helps a little, but then you get to the overhang and have to actually close it before you head inside.

your fingertips slip around the metal, trying to shove the thing closed while water drips off the bridge of your nose. it's frustrating. your footsteps are still determined as they move towards the entrance, but you're distracted by the stubborn nature of the object, so you don't see the man walking out.

it's not even a bodily collision, really. it's so much worse: the sopping material of the umbrella pokes him in the stomach, knocking the hot cup of coffee all over his sweater.

your eyes widen.

"oh my fucking god, I'm so sorry--" you stutter over your words, completely at a loss. his face is twisted up in an expression of concealed pain. it can't feel good to have hot coffee seeping through your clothes after being prodded by a piece of metal. you move your wet hair out of your face in order to look at him full-on.

"it's fine, really." he gives you what's supposed to be a friendly smile, but looks more like a grimace. your stomach twists; he's hot. like, if you saw him at the bar you would stare at him all night kind of hot.

"no, it's not," your face heats up, despite the cold, damp air. "let me buy you another coffee."

"I--" he glances down at his sweater, which is knitted with cute foxes on the front, then back at you. he pauses a moment and you have to bite down on your tongue to keep from collapsing. he's considerably older than you, but he doesn't dress or act that way. maybe late thirties, if you had to guess. "sure. thanks."

a flowering relief in your chest, partly because he doesn't seem angry and partly because you'd like to look at his face just a bit longer. your eyes stay on his until someone walks through the door of the café and reminds you of where you are.

without a word, you brush past and go into the building, him trailing behind.

Matthew watches as you walk ahead, your clothes spattered with rainwater and your hair somewhat messed up, too. he smiles to himself at the way you almost bump into the corner of a table, nervousness evident in nearly every movement.

you head to the counter, setting your hands on the granite while the barista checks out your unkempt appearance.

"hi," you smile at her before realizing you have no idea what this guy wants. you turn around and see him standing slightly behind you, suppressing a smile. he can tell how flustered you are, and now you look like a fool. "what coffee do you drink?"

"can I have a medium Americano, please?" he asks the barista with a friendly smile. he's got straight teeth, dimples... holy shit. you wish he had been unappealing so that this whole situation would be less humiliating.

you pay for his drink before getting out of the way, both of you slowly walking to the pickup counter.

"again, I'm really sorry. that stupid umbrella." you shake the thing at your side, raindrops falling to the floor. you run a hand through your wet hair.

"it's okay. I appreciate you getting me another cup." he flashes that smile again and you remember that his sweater is all stained. before you can think to do anything else, you pluck a handful of napkins from the self-serve station and start to dab at the material.

he looks down at you for a second, surprised by the way you grab his clothes. Matthew feels your hand pressing into his stomach innocently, and he feels himself blush a little. it's only when you pull away that he's able to regain his head.

"it's still bad," you throw away the napkins and re-evaluate the garment. "jesus christ, it's a nice sweater, too."

"hey, it's totally fine. I can just wash it out." he lets out a slight chuckle, and the sound makes your heart flutter. he's got a dad laugh. deep in his chest.

"baking soda and water." you say abruptly. he frowns.

"what?"

"to get the stain out? I use baking soda and water for coffee stains and it usually works." you explain gently, your eyes meeting again. his irises are a brownish hazel color, warm. the laugh lines by them are charming.

"oh," he grins. "do you get coffee stains often?"

you twist your mouth to the side and glance at the windows of the coffee shop. he's teasing you and you'd be remiss if you said you don't want to play along. "more than I'd like to admit."

you can feel him looking at you with that stupidly brilliant smile and it's really setting you off-kilter. someone shouldn't be that attractive; it's not fair. and yet you want desperately to stare, if purely for the sake of aesthetic enjoyment.

"I'm Matthew." he extends his hand, which is decorated with a series of rings. you realize that you don't even know his name.

"Y/N." you shake. his fingers are softer than you expected.

"nice to meet you, Y/N."

"and under such fortuitous circumstances." the corners of your mouth turn up as you relax a little.

he laughs at your words, the delightful ring of it interrupted by a new Americano showing up on the counter. he glances at the to-go cup, then at you, then goes to get his drink. you wish you knew what he was thinking, but he's not displaying anything past friendliness.

"well, um." something like disappointment settles in your stomach as you recognize this will be the last of your interaction. there's no reason for him to stick around, and you need to get back home to work, anyway.

"I'll let you get back to your day." Matthew doesn't seem nervous, just unsure as he grips the coffee in his hand. you open and close your mouth like something impressive enough to keep him here will come out. you know it won't.

and then you remember the state of affairs, the existence of your useless car and the useless phone in the front seat, how you're going to have to call Triple A and then your roommate to come get you.

Matthew realizes that you aren't going to say anything and he gives you one last smile and an awkward wave before turning to go. you watch in silence as he crosses the room to the door. two more seconds until he's out of your life forever. so of course you choose this exact moment to speak.

"wait."

his head jerks suddenly to look at you. this is embarrassing, but you have nothing to lose.

"can I... borrow your phone?"

Matthew tilts his head to the side slightly, frowning as though deeply confused. and you suppose it is a strange thing to ask, especially given that you're a younger person and most people your age carry their phones everywhere. "sure." he walks back over to you, pulling his cell out of his pocket.

"I just--" you fumble with the device while you decide how to phrase it without sounding like a pathetic mess. "my car keeps breaking down and my phone battery is, like, totally fucked, so it just turns off and on constantly and it’s still in my car but it’s raining and I just wanna see if it’s back on so I can call my roommate." you immediately cringe at yourself. the rambling isn’t cute.

he’s not too bothered by your panicking, though, his mouth only forming an O shape. "it’s no problem."

you dial your number, fingers trembling while he waits. he's turned his eyes to the rest of the coffee shop, but it still makes you nervous that he's standing right there. you put the cell to your ear and pray that it rings out.

you’re greeted by the sound of your own voice telling you to leave a message. great. with a frustrated sigh, you hang up and Matthew gives you an inquisitive expression.

“it’s still off,” you explain. “I’m gonna call my roommate.”

he nods and shoves his hands into his pockets while you punch in the other number. for a split second, you peek his way and admire his side profile. he really is something to behold; a model, maybe.

"hello?" good thing Cecilia has no problem answering unknown numbers. you bite your lip.

"hey, it's me."

"Y/N? whose phone are you using?"

"uh, someone I just met--" you frown as you try to find a way to describe him without something as insulting as a random guy. "anyway, my car broke down so I was wondering if you could pick me up."

there's a pause on the other end of the line, like the movement of sheets and the slightly disappointed groan of another person. she probably has her boyfriend over again. "sure, of course. where are you?"

you give her the address and hang up before dialing the car repair company. Matthew gestures to a table off to the side so that you two don't need to stand, and then you sit down across from him. you're so distracted by the person on the other end of the line that you don't even think about it.

Matthew twists his rings on his fingers. he's fidgety and it's sort of cute. you try not to stare at his hands, at the black spot of ink on the outside of his pinky. either he writes a lot or he's an artist. you have to focus on the table in order to keep from blushing.

finally, you finish up with the phone and hand it back to him. "you're a life saver."

"do you want me to wait with you until your friend gets here?" he gestures out the window. your immediate reaction is to say yes. it'll be awkward to sit here alone without your phone, without coffee. but you don't want to keep him any longer than you already have.

"it's okay, I'm sure you have places to be." you smile accommodatingly. he chooses his next words carefully, it seems.

"I don't, really. but I'll leave you alone if that's what you want, too." the way he speaks, offering his company without trying to impose... something about it makes your heart melt a bit. you appreciate his thoughtfulness. it makes you want to know more.

"okay," you nod as you make your decision. "if you wanna stay. it shouldn't be too long."

"great," he settles back into his chair, the light from the café lights above you reflecting off the lenses of his glasses. "why does your car keep breaking down?"

you exhale sharply at the thought. "that's a really good question, because I don't know the answer. it's super old and I'm too broke to afford a new one."

he nods.

Matthew's mind turns to different avenues at this knowledge. he knows you're young and that usually means that there isn't a lot of spare income. and he doesn't know if you have a job. but what he does know is that you've got an energy about you-- a sweet, well-intentioned manner that draws him in. every once in a while throughout the conversation, you throw out certain phrases that hint at a quick-witted intelligence.

you're funny, but not boldly so. and when you two get on the topic of how you ended up rain-soaked, shoving your way into a Los Angeles café, you tell him about your day.

"--and I have this shitty job right now working for one of my old professor's friends, so it's not like I can afford to constantly repair the damages. all my money is going towards my savings so I can pay for grad school, anyway." you sigh. he listens intently to your words, and he never shies away from eye contact. every time he nods along, you practically feel your heart leap.

"what do you do?" he asks.

"I write for a wellness magazine, but I'm sort of a fraud." you joke.

he laughs. "why's that?"

"I don't know, a lot of it is about different yoga methods and meditation, stuff like that-- but I don't do any of that in my daily life." you admit. it should be embarrassing, but you don't feel ashamed of the fact. he seems to find it funny.

"working your way toward a different kind of job, then?"

"I'm hoping for a more editorial role, honestly, but..." you lift your eyes to his. they're bright, he notices; full of a deep-rooted hope. "gotta start somewhere, right?"

"very true." Matthew wants to tell you just how much he understands, about the roles as an actor he's taken and the hours he spent making films in college, just hoping that one day he'd be able to make things on his own, but he doesn't want to scare you away or sound like he's bragging. it's not your fault you don't know who he is.

"sorry," you speak through a silence he doesn't realize he's left between you two. "I've talked your ear off and you don't even really know me. what do you do?"

"oh--" Matthew actually blushes this time. you see the pink creeping up his neck. "I'm an actor."

in the same way they did when you ran into him, your eyes widen. "an actor?"

"yeah," he smiles at the expression on your face. "you know that show, Criminal Minds?"

the name is familiar, but you've never seen an episode. "yeah, of course."

"I'm in that."

you don't know a lot about the program, but you've heard it talked about and you know that it's a popular show. so this guy is an actual actor, not just some LA wannabe. that makes him about five times more intimidating. you feel even more idiotic for not seeing it before.

"oh, shit," the words tumble out. Matthew grins at the bluntness of your reaction, and you scramble to recover. "sorry I didn't know who you are."

"no worries!" he laughs it off. "it's not a big deal."

"do you like it?" you ask. "being famous, I mean."

he shifts in his seat for a second as he makes a face like he doesn't know how to answer. you wonder if there's something deeper to him that you just haven't seen, yet. secret feelings about the subject. "I'm really not very famous, but I love the work."

genuinely humble. you can see it in his face, the sparkle in his eyes. and maybe he's just charming and you're just a girl blinded by his attractiveness, but your gut tells you that he's being real.

this time, you're the one who falls silent. admittedly, you get a little in your head sometimes. and it makes sense, now, the smoothness of his behavior and the sheer beauty of his face. this is a show business city-- of course he's famous.

Matthew's phone rings and he jumps, as if jolted from a dream. your attention moves immediately to the screen and you recognize Cecilia's number. he pushes the device over to you.

"hello?" your voice sounds far away.

"hey, I'm here. where are you?" she says.

"I'm just inside the café."

"oh, okay, I'll park and come in--" you hear the click of a seatbelt and start to panic. she can't see you in here with him.

"no!" you say too loudly. Matthew's head jerks up to frown at you.

"why not?" Cecilia asks, confused.

"no reason," god, you're a bad liar. "I'll come out and we can wait for the Triple A person in your car." you and Matthew make eye contact again. he gives you an understanding smile. your stomach flips.

"sounds good." she hangs up and you grab your umbrella. time to go.

"thanks for letting me use your phone." you stand, not really wanting to say goodbye but also lacking a reason to stay. he remains in his spot, seemingly now settled into this little corner of the café. it sort of suits him, this place. all cozy and slightly strange.

“happy to help.” you notice the tip of his tongue dart out over his bottom lip as if deliberating whether or not to say anything further. but he doesn’t and you feel awkward just standing there by the table.

“I’ll, uh…” you could ask for his number. but that would be weird, right? he doesn’t really seem to have an interest, anyway. “I’ll see you around, then.”

“yeah. it was nice to meet you, Y/N.” he gives one more of those killer smiles and you turn around, almost bumping into a display of coffee beans before correcting yourself and heading back outside.

taglist (lmk if you want to be added or removed!): @la-vie-en-amour1 @reidsconverse @voidsfilm

#mgg #matthew gray gubler #mgg x reader #fic #sugar daddy mgg #matthew gray gubler fanfiction

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angelicyoongie · 4 years

Text

Out of the Woods (II)

— pairing: wolf hybrid namjoon x human f!reader — genre: fluff, angst, slight smut — word count: 5.5K — warnings: injury, blood, mentions of past abuse — summary: Promising Jihyo that you were going to stay away from your writing for one weekend had been easy in theory, but much harder to actually do once you reached the little cabin the woods. To make matters worse, the only thing that rivals your inability to keep promises is your terrible luck – and after a particularly bad choice leads you to get lost in the mountains, you suppose that it's only karma that you end up face to face with a wolf that looks ready to rip your throat out.

Part I / II / III

You stare at the hand wrapped tightly around yours as the wolf hybrid leads you down the rest of the slope. You can still feel the imprint of his chest against your back, the lingering heat from his body still wrapped around yours. The ghost of his raspy, smooth voice brushing over your ear, his words branded into your chest.

Please don’t leave me.

You wince with each step, the dull pain in your ankle growing harder to ignore. You can see the muscles in his golden arms tense as your step falters, the wolf hybrid’s grip tightening before you can stumble down the last stretch of the incline. He’s keeping your hand almost at height with his shoulders, making it easier for you to borrow some support as you hobble forward.

You keep yourself focused on his hand, on how his long and slender fingers are enveloping yours. They’re a little rough against your skin, but they’re still pretty. Your cheeks are flushed red as you limp forward, but you blame that on the near death experience you just had – and certainly not on the hybrid’s thumb absentmindedly running over your knuckles every few steps. And it’s definitely not because the man in front of you is completely naked. The close proximity means that the expanse of the hybrid’s broad back fills most of your vision, but you’re not willing to take any chances. His body isn’t there for you to ogle at. So, his hand is a good, safe, place for you eyes to latch on to. The hybrid clearly doesn’t have any qualms about his lack of clothes, and it makes you wonder just how long he’s been out here on his own – how long he’s been alone.

You swallow thickly as the ground underneath your feet begins to flatten out, the strain on your ankle becoming a little less painful. You can probably walk on your own now, but it doesn’t seem like the wolf hybrid has any plans of letting you do that, his fingers wrapping even more firmly around yours as you try to let go of his hand. You see a few faint marks on the inside of his wrist, but the angle his hold your hand makes it too difficult to make anything out. If anything, it’s likely just some scratches from the wilderness. You can’t help but notice that one of his gray ears seem to be permanently turned in your direction, only twitching when you let out little huffs of air.

He hasn’t spoken since he uttered those four words – not since he begged you to stay, and the only thing you could think to do was shakily step out of his embrace and ask him to bring you back down. You can’t stay. You're not quite sure why the realization makes you feel so torn. Sure, the hybrid has taken care of you, but you don’t really know him. Hell, you don’t even know his name. But still, your heart stutters painfully as you remember the desperation in his voice, the subdued whine that escaped his lips as you pulled away. The hybrid had only given you a curt nod in response to your request, his back turned to you and hand outstretched before you could even get a good look on his face.

You sneak a quick peek at his profile as he helps you along the path, your breath getting caught in your throat as you catch a glimpse of his strong jaw and oh no, is that a dimple? The wolf hybrid’s silver ears and messy hair compliments his sunkissed skin beautifully, and there is no doubt in your mind that this man must be stunning. Maybe it’s a good thing you haven’t gotten a good look at his face yet, getting weak in the knees sounds like bad plan when you’re already one foot down. You quickly push the thoughts away, turning your attention back to the forest in front of you. You swear something about it looks a little more familiar than before. You only need to hobble through the forest for another few minutes before you realize why.

The wolf hybrid has lead you straight to the lake you and Jihyo passed two days ago, the exact one you were trying to find when you managed to get lost. The weather might be slightly gloomier today, but it still looks absolutely breathtaking as you draw closer. The tension in your shoulders ease up as you realize just how close you are to the cabin, it probably won’t take much longer than an hour to get back even with your throbbing foot. Which is great, but the release of tension also makes you acutely aware of just how irritated your ankle truly is, and it feels like it might break clean off if you don’t get a break soon.

“Can we, uh, rest for a little while? My foot ..” You trail off uncertainly, watching as the hybrid’s head cocks in your direction. He stops in his tracks, ears swivelling around rapidly as he listens to the forest, his grip still tight around yours. He gives you another nod after a few seconds of silence, steering you carefully over to a fallen log. You close your eyes in relief as you sit down, a groan falling from your lips as you finally get the chance to alleviate the pressure on your ankle.

“Thank you,” You murmur, glancing down at your foot as you try to best position to rest it in. You freeze as you see the wolf hybrid’s bare feet out of the corner of your eye, heat creeping up your neck as you realize the position you’ve put yourself in. You’re at eye-level with his dick. There’s no way to look up at him without seeing it, and that’s not something you want to deal with right now.

“Here," You hastily shrug off your windbreaker, offering it out for the hybrid with a grimace, “you can use it to cover up.” Rough fingers brush over your own as the wolf hybrid grabs your jacket, presumably–hopefully–wrapping it around his waist as you keep your eyes firmly on the ground. You don’t dare lift your gaze until the hybrid sinks down on the log next to you with a huff, your heart nearly leaping out of your chest as you find his eyes already locked onto your face.

The wolf hybrid is beautiful. Your lips part open in surprise as you take in his face, the slight pout to his lips and the gentleness in his expression leaving you a little breathless. He looks kind. Sweet. You don’t understand how someone like him could be left out here all alone.

“I-I'm sorry,” The wolf hybrid cowers under your stunned gaze, his ears falling flat against his head. “Should I stay .. wolf? You upset,” His voice is hoarse and pained as he stutters out his words, his lips forming awkwardly around the syllables. The intention behind his words hits you like a slap to the face. He thinks you don’t like his human form, and he’s willing to turn back to not make you upset.

“No!” You blurt, “I mean, I’m uh, not upset. If you want to, please stay in your human form. It’s nice to be able to talk to you.” The wolf hybrid doesn’t quite seem to believe you, his ears pressing even flatter against his head as he shakes his head.

“What’s your name?”

The hybrid's mouth is pressed into a thin line, and for a second you think he might not answer, but then he mutters out a soft, “Namjoon.”

“Namjoon?” You echo, finding you like the way his name rolls off your tongue. The wolf hybrid’s ears perk up at the sound of his name, the bushy tail behind his back doing a startled wag as Namjoon’s eyes find yours. You give him a soft smile, rubbing your hands nervously at your thighs as you finally ask the question that has been burning away at your curiosity for the past few hours.

“Why are you out here all alone?” The muscles in Namjoon's shoulders tense at your question, the warmth in his golden brown eyes hardening into something you can’t quite decipher. The wolf hybrid looks ready to bolt any second, his eyes flickering around the forest as he says, “Ran way .. bad place. No going back.”

You detest that you’re not even surprised, that the mistreatment of hybrids is so common that it has become almost more normal than treating them like actual human beings. The wolf hybrid looks to be your age, maybe even a little older, and it makes your stomach drop to think about just how many years he must’ve spent out here in his animal form for speech to become this hard – for it to become a struggle.

“I’m so sorry Namjoon, it must’ve been hard being all alone up here,” Your fingers twitch against your thigh, resisting the urge to reach out for him.

“Not alone now, have you,” Namjoon’s raspy voice sends a shiver down your spine, the certainty laced with his next word making your heart skip a beat. “Pack.” The wolf hybrid carefully reaches out for your hand, slowly wrapping his fingers around yours as he watches your mind trying to process his words.

You know it normally takes a long time for a hybrid to consider someone, especially humans, to be a part of their pack, so the fact that Namjoon refers to you as his after only a few days leaves you stunned – and a little bit out of your depth. Then again, Namjoon’s situation isn’t exactly normal. Usually hybrids are much more in-tune with both their human and animal side, but from what you can gather, it doesn’t seem like Namjoon has tapped into his humanity in years. It would make sense for his animal instincts to be more dominant, for doubt and hesitation to take a backseat. But still, his pack?

You catch the slight motion as the wolf hybrid’s eyes stray to your neck, the memory hitting you at full force now that you realize the implications behind your actions. In the midst of your panic when you thought Namjoon was going to tear you limb from limb, you had bared you neck. You had submitted. And Namjoon had accepted you. You wince, sucking in a deep breath as unease swirls in your stomach. Even if you weren’t aware of what you were doing at the time, this is still your fault. You really want to fix this whole mess, but you fear that the one thing you can’t do for him, is the only thing the hybrid wants.

“Namjoon,” You hesitate as you feel his tail wag happily against the log, the words feeling heavy on your tongue as you say, “I can’t stay.” A lull falls over the forest as the rhythmic thumping stops, the grip around your hand slackening as the wolf hybrid hangs his head.

He keeps his eyes on the ground as he whispers out a broken, “Don’t go.” You feel your heart ache as you watch him open and close his mouth, the furrow between his brows deepening as he can’t seem to find the words he needs. “Take care of you. Please.” You think it might hurt less if you just let the wolf hybrid rip you to shreds instead, the pained desperation in his voice making you eyes sting.

“I’m sorry,” You mutter, “I need to go home.” The word leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Home. At the start of your trip you couldn’t wait to return to your apartment, but when you really think about it, have you ever truly considered it home? Sure, you've managed to make it nice and cozy over the last years, but there’s no warmth there, no sense of belonging. Still – you can’t stay here in the mountains.

Namjoon’s ears are pressed flat against his head, his expression turning blank as he withdraws his hand. “Okay,” The wolf hybrid’s jaw is tense as he stares out at the lake, his gaze empty and distant. You ignore the throbbing in your foot as you clamber back up to your feet, taking a few steps forward as you take in the sight of the lake for the last time. The scattered wildflowers don’t seem as charming anymore, and the large body of water suddenly feels more imposing than welcoming. You freeze as Namjoon lets out a low groan, the sound suddenly transforming into a whimper behind your back. You nearly jolt out of your skin as something wet touches your hand, a warm breath spilling across your fingers as you look down. You meet Namjoon’s golden eyes, the wolf letting out a small huff before he nudges your windbreaker closer to your feet. You don’t know why it feels like a defeat that he transformed back, but you can’t shake the hollow feeling in your chest as you thread your fingers into his fur, jacket wrapped around your waist as he leads you back to the cabin.

The wolf’s ears starts to flicker a few minutes before you can pick up Jihyo’s frantic speech in the distance, the dark roof of the cabin coming into view. You’re a little off the trail, the forest much denser around this side of the clearing. Namjoon suddenly halts as he reaches the edge, and you wince from the extra force on your foot as you stumble to catch yourself. The wolf’s tail is tucked between his legs, a pitiful whimper filling the silence as you gently untangle your hand from his fur. You brush it down carefully, already missing the coarse yet soft hairs tickling against your skin as you take a step back.

“Thank you Namjoon,” You swallow around the lump in your throat, forcing your lips into a soft smile as you gaze down at him. The wolf turns his head back to the forest, golden eyes scanning the area before he quickly pushes his head against your hand, guiding your palm over the fur between his ears. Your knees go weak with fondness as you pat his head, the wolf swiping his tongue over the exposed skin of your wrist as you scratch behind his ears. It’s Namjoon that reluctantly pulls away first, his golden eyes soft yet sad as he pushes his snout one last time against your palm. He sits down with a huff, turning his head in the direction of the cabin. The message is clear; he’s not leaving until you are. The goodbye grows and dies in your mouth, your lips refusing to let it slip past as you look down at him. You spare him one last glance, trying to commit as much of him to memory as you can, before you stumble out of the tree line.

It only takes a few steps before you hear Jihyo’s shrill, “Y/n!” and you watch as your friend sprints across the field to meet you. Jihyo knocks into you so hard you nearly topple over, her arms wrapped around your body so tightly you almost fear she’ll squeeze you to death.

“Where were you? What happened? Oh my god, you’re hurt!–” You let Jihyo’s concerned rambling distract you from the empty feeling in your stomach, each step feeling heavier than the last as she helps you walk back to the cabin. You spare one last glance over your shoulder, hoping to maybe see a flash of silver through the trees, but there’s nothing.

Namjoon is gone.

And you’re both alone again.

It was all a rush after you returned. Jihyo had been searching for you night and day, a few of her father’s best employees helping out. The road up to the cabin had been cleared, so instead of having to trek down on your sprained ankle, Jihyo had whisked you away in a car with the destination set for the closest hospital. It took a while before you could collect your thoughts enough to tell her what happened, the words sounding ridiculous even to your own ears as you retold the story.

Jihyo had a deep frown on her face from the hospital to your apartment, uncharacteristically silent as she helped you to your couch. Sinking down on the mountain of plush pillows felt like heaven after sleeping on the ground for two nights, your limbs tired and aching. You really need a shower, but the temptation to rest your foot for an hour is frankly too strong. You watch as Jihyo raids your fridge for drinks and food, the frown not leaving her lips until you’ve stuffed your face with a sandwich.

“Why didn’t you just ask him to come with you?” You nearly choke on a piece of bread at her sudden question, quickly taking a sip of water to chase it down.

“What do you mean?” You croak.

“Well, it’s not like he specifically asked you to stay up in the mountains right? He only asked that you would stay with him. I’m not sure how much I like this, but he did take care of you, and he brought you back safely. If he wanted to hurt you he had many opportunities to do so,” Jihyo purses her lips, her eyes flickering around the room.

"You seem .. smitten. I can remember the last time you looked so fond talking about someone else. It seems like he already considers you to be his pack, so if you want to, I don’t see any harm in asking him to come home with you,” You feel a steady blush rise in your cheeks as Jihyo talks, your heart skipping a beat at the thought of having Namjoon here in your apartment. You couldn’t ..

"It’s not natural or healthy for hybrids to be alone and shifted for such a long time, so you would honestly be doing him a favour. Even if he doesn’t stay with you, he needs to get checked-up.” You find yourself nodding along to Jihyo’s words before you can stop yourself, her eyebrows rising in amusement. She is right, after all. Even if Namjoon doesn’t want to stay, it’s important to make sure he’s healthy. Even you go in for yearly check-ups, and you’re sure it’s been far too long since Namjoon did the same. You have to go back and find him.

“But–” Jihyo presses a finger to your chest, “you’re not going anywhere yet. The doctor said full rest for a week, so that’s what you’re going to do.” She shakes her head before you can protest, giving you a stern look as she says, “You’re in no condition to go after him now, you need to heal up if you want to find him again. I’ve seen enough animal planet to know that wolves have pretty big territories, and you won’t be able to cover that much ground with a sprained ankle.” You sink back down in the couch with a disgruntled sound, hating the fact that she’s completely right. You’ll have to wait until you’ve healed. You just hope it won’t be too late.

“Namjoon?” You wince at the rawness in your throat, your voice ringing through the silent forest. You’ve been out here for hours, but no matter where you go, there’s no sign of the wolf hybrid. You even managed to get back to the little cave Namjoon had brought you to, but that too was completely untouched. The only trail you had is dead. The area you’ve ventured into is much denser and harder to navigate, but you refuse to leave until you find him.

You grumble under your breath as a branch almost whacks you straight in the face, and you push it away with a little more force than necessary as you trek on deeper into the woods. Your ankle has healed up nicely, but there’s still a dull ache from the amount of walking you’re putting yourself through. The sprain wasn’t all that bad; it was mostly just the fact that you kept aggravating it that made it so painful. A week of rest did you wonders, and a little bit of discomfort is a price you’re more than willing to pay if it means you’ll find Namjoon again.

“Namjoon?” You call out again, halting in your tracks as you strain to listen for any sounds out of the ordinary. You let out a sigh at the silence that greets you, shaking your head lightly as you take a step forward. You freeze as your foot connect with the ground, a distant howl echoing through the forest. Namjoon.

You can barely even hear the second howl over the frantic beat of your own heart as you take off, stumbling and tripping over roots and twigs as you run in what you hope is the right direction. The mountain is disorienting at best, but you have no fear of getting lost this time. Jihyo made sure you would be properly prepared.

It’s not until the fourth howl that you realize two things – one, the sound is much closer than you anticipated, and two, it sounds pained. You urge your legs to move faster, your gaze shifting wildly over your surroundings as you call out for him again. You swear you see a flash of silver behind a cluster of trees, and you quickly switch your direction, running straight for what you hope is the wolf hybrid.

“Namjo–” You choke as you skid to a stop, your stomach dropping so fast it leaves you feeling dizzy.

Blood. There’s so much blood. Namjoon’s gray fur is stained with it, the hairs matted and red. You can see the rusted metal of an old bear trap clamped tightly around one of his hind legs, the bone snapped in an awkward angle. Oh god. A pained whine rips you out of your building panic, and the sight of the wolf hybrid attempting to drag himself closer to you despite the trap on his leg finally jolts you back into action.

“No no no, stay still!” You cry as you scramble forward, your stomach doing a dangerous flip as the metallic scent of Namjoon’s blood washes over you. The wolf hybrid is panting as you drop to your knees in front of him, his ears plastered against his skull as he lets out low whimper.

“It-it’s going to be okay,” You hear your voice tremble as you reach out for his head, gently cupping his cheeks between your hands. Namjoon lets the tension in his neck drop the moment you get your hands on him, his head heavy in your hold as you run your fingers over his fur. The wolf hybrid’s body is shaking, his golden eyes barely open as he lets out another whine. You have no idea how many hours he’s been like this, but it’s been too long. He's lost way too much blood.

“You’re going to be fine Namjoon,” You swallow down the bile in your throat as you shuffle around, shifting your hold to gently place his head in your lap. He immediately tries to shuffle closer, not giving up until he’s plastered against your stomach.

“Just, don’t shift, okay? Please don’t shift,” You hastily dig your burrowed phone out of your pocket, vision blurry as you type in Jihyo’s number. Seeing Namjoon’s human form might make it easier to gauge his injuries, but if he shifts while he’s still trapped, you have no doubt it’s just going to tear his leg up even more.

He lets out a whine as you hands leave his fur, his eyes almost rolled back into his head from the pain. The leg that’s trapped doesn’t even twitch, and Namjoon’s body feels horribly cold as you hurry to run your hands over his fur.

“Y/n? Did you find him?” Jihyo’s voice has never sounded more angelic than when she picks up the phone, you body sagging with relief.

“You can track my location, right? It’s Namjoon–” You force down the sob bubbling in your throat as the wolf hybrid whimpers at the sound of his name, the sound soft and weak. “–he’s hurt.”

“Excuse me,” You whip your head up at the sound of someone clearing their throat, a rather frazzled nurse standing in front you. “Are you here with the wolf hybrid? Kim Namjoon?”

“I am. Is something wrong?” You push out of the plastic chair with a wince, ignoring the queasy feeling in your stomach. It’s been hours since you arrived at the hospital, but the image of Namjoon’s blood pooling around his body doesn’t seem to want to let go of you just yet.

“He’s–" The nurse let out a deep sigh, “I think you need to come with me.” She turns on her heel, motioning for you to follow without another word. Oh god, what if he’s dead? The wolf hybrid had been rushed into an emergency operation immediately upon arrival, so there wasn’t much else that you could do than wait. Hope that he would be okay.

You hurry after the nurse, nearly tripping over your own feet at quick speed she keeps as she marches down the hall. You’ve barely managed to catch up when she halts outside a door, an exasperated expression on her face as she says, “We’re keeping him under observation for now and he’s not really supposed to have any visitors yet, but he’s being … difficult.” You jump as something clatters to the ground inside the room, the deep growl hardly even muffled by the closed door.

“He’s a still a little out of it, but not dangerous. You’ll see what I mean,” With that, the nurse pushes the door open, stepping aside to allow you entry into Namjoon’s room. You suck in a breath as you step inside, the floor littered with scattered papers and trays. Namjoon is perched up in bed, a heavy cast around his leg. Whatever they were trying to do, the wolf hybrid obviously wasn’t having it. He’s twisted towards the doctor by his side, the man keeping a good distance from the injured hybrid as he let out another harsh growl. You stare in shock as Namjoon bares his teeth, his posture rigid and tense as he eyes the doctor distrustfully. The doctor notices you before Namjoon does, a soft 'thank god' muttered under his breath as he waves for you to come closer.

“Hey Namjoon,” The wolf hybrids nose wrinkles just as your soft voice carries across the room, his ears springing up on his head as he shifts his attention to you.

“Y/n,” Namjoon’s eyes light up as he catches sight of you, his hands practically tearing up the bed sheets as he tries to untangle himself. The action feels awfully familiar to when he tried to drag himself closer despite the bear trap, and you have no intention of watching him trying to walk on his broken leg.

“I thought I told you to stop moving,” You rush forward before he can get himself fully out of bed, pushing him back with a firm shove to his chest. Namjoon falls back without protest, his wide eyes scanning over your face as a loopy smile blooms on his lips.

“Sorry,” He rasps as he engulfs your hand with his, keeping it tucked securely against his body. You can feel the steady thrum of his heart against your palm, beating in rhythm with the soft beeps from the monitor he’s hooked up to.

“We were trying to explain to Mr. Kim that we need to do some tests, but he doesn’t quite seem to share the same sentiment,” The doctor glances back towards the door as a the nurse brings in a new tray of equipment, a weary frown on his face as he picks up a shot. The growl builds in Namjoon’s throat so fast you nearly jump out of your skin, the hold he has around your hand feels like he’s two seconds away from snapping it in half.

“It’s okay, it’s just some standard shots,” You hesitantly bring your hand up to his face, slowly turning his head back in your direction.

“You haven’t had check-ups in a while right?” The wolf hybrid shakes his head, his ears twitching as his attention flickers back and fourth between you and the doctor. “It’s just to make sure you stay healthy.” Namjoon nuzzles against your hand with a soft whimper as you run your thumb along his cheek.

“Makes me feel .. bad. Sleepy,” Namjoon’s speech seems to flow a little easier than it did a week ago, but the struggle to find the right words is still there, his brows furrowing in concentration as he whispers, "Don’t like it.”

You swallow thickly, your stomach in knots as you ask, “Did your owner give you those? The shots that made you sleepy?” The wolf hybrid makes a low sound of agreement, his ears turning back. The marks on his wrist you couldn’t figure out, they’re needle marks. You’ve heard of it before, how some owners would drug their more exotic hybrids to keep them calm and docile – to silence the part of their genetics that make them so unique. You glance down at Namjoon, the wolf hybrid staring up at you with so much vulnerability and trust that the thought of someone taking advantage of that it makes you feel ill.

“These won’t make you feel that way, I promise.” You muster up the warmest smile you can manage as you peek over at the doctor, a silent plea in your eyes.

“Oh! Don’t worry Mr. Kim, there are no side effects to these shots. You’ll hardly even notice it,” The doctor quickly adds as he takes a careful step forward. Namjoon lets out a slow breath, golden eyes finding yours and his tail draping across his lap as he grumbles out a hesitant “Okay.”

“–All done!” You can see the doctor’s shoulders visibly drop as he finally gets the chance to move back, obviously relieved to put some distance between himself and Namjoon. “I’ll be back later to check on your leg and make sure everything is okay.” The sour expression on Namjoon’s face softens as the doctor hurries out the door, the grip around your hand loosening slightly as it clicks shut behind him.

“May I speak with you outside alone for a minute, miss?” You look up at the nurse as she finishes placing a band-aid on Namjoon’s arm, the empty shots rolling around in the tray as she picks it up.

“Oh, sure,” Namjoon lets out a whine as you try to step away, lips formed into a soft pout as you gently extract your hand from his grip. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back,” You give his shoulder a squeeze before you follow the nurse out, shooting Namjoon what you hope is a comforting smile over your shoulder. The wolf hybrid keeps his eyes trained on you as you leave, his distressed gaze still burning into your back as you close the door behind you. You only take a few steps down the hall before the nurse turns to face you, her expression troubled as she looks you up and down, “I take it he’s not your hybrid?”

“No, he’s not,” You quickly shake your head. “I came across him up in the mountains. He said he ran away from his old owner, and that it was a ‘bad place’. I’m pretty sure it must’ve been a couple of years at least,” You wince. The nurse nods, her gaze shifting around the busy hallway as she thinks.

“I’ll have someone look into it. We need to settle his hospital bills, and only his legal owner can do that.” She must see the way your face drops, because she quickly adds, “I could tell from his old scars that he’s likely been abused. Even if we find his owner, they’re not going to be allowed to take him home. It’ll be looked into.”

“Right, thanks.” You muster up a weak smile. You know how these things go. Even if there’s an investigation, the police are too easy to buy off. There are frankly too many cases like Namjoon’s, and too few cops that actually treat their abuse seriously.

“Can I stay with him until his owner shows up?”

“It’s a little unorthodox, but yes, you can. I don’t think he’ll actually stay inside his room if you don’t.” The nurse lets out a huff, a flash of amusement in her eyes as she waves for you to go back inside. “I’ll let you know once we figure it out, it shouldn’t take too long.”

“Thank you.”

Turning to face Namjoon’s door, you try to shake off the anxious feeling festering in your stomach. You’re not going to let him go back to his old owner. You’re honestly not even sure how you’ve managed to grow attached so quickly, but there’s just something about the wolf hybrid that makes you ready to fight tooth and nail for his safety and happiness – even if it means he won’t find it with you.

a/n: ahah heyy ... let's just ignore that it took me two months to update this, okay? thank you aksjsk. i decided to split the last part into two, to give myself more time to write a little bit of extra fluff (and smut)! so the third and final part is hopefully coming next week, but if not, it will at least be posted by the end of november. namjoon's speech will get better in the next part and we will learn more about him + his and y/n's relationship will grow! if you like the story then please drop me a reblog/comment, that would mean the world to me! (ps. this story has no tag list!)

as always, see you all soon and stay safe! <3 and in case you enjoy my stories and want to buy me a coffee, you can do so here! 💖

#hybrid bts #hybrid au #namjoon x reader #hybrid namjoon #wolf hybrid namjoon #hybrid!bts #bts au #bts fluff #bts angst #hybridbtsnetwork #bts x reader #out of the woods

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