You're more amazing than annoy squidward day

Mutate and backup are awesome mechanics because adding abilities to things is super cool so I made another mechanic to do that

I thought I’d put together a somewhat coherent list of my headcanons for Lies of P as well as few others I’ve seen that go in line with what I’ve been thinking.

When P becomes human

His body doesn’t exactly change to one of flesh and blood. He still has a puppet body, for the most part. But that doesn’t make him any less human.

There are some physical changes, however, like how his hair changes and his shoulders get broader. I’d imagine he’d also develop some other changes internally that would enable him to do things he couldn’t do before. But again, still kinda more on the mechanical side than fleshy.

He would also feel things like pain and even hunger to an extent because of some of these changes. He’d also feel fatigue.

He’d feel pain because his ergo would like remember how certain things are supposed to hurt. Like getting smacked by a shovel would not be pleasant. And the hunger part is because he’s not entirely powered by ergo anymore and so he’ll eat to regain some energy. (Don’t ask me how, I haven’t figured that out yet. Just made sense at the time I thought of it)

Him breathing still isn’t a necessity, but it’s more like a “muscle memory”. Similarly to how his ergo can remember pain, it remembers other subtle things about being human. Things that one wouldn’t actively think about when doing, like breathing and even blinking.

How P feels being human/first time feelings

The first time he feels pain, he’d be shocked at first. He’d just think “What was that?? I did not like that.” And then he’d come to understand it pretty quickly and whenever he gets really hurt or something, he’d almost wish he still couldn’t feel pain. But that’s more of just him being a little dramatic lol

When he feels hunger for the first time, he’s completely unaware of what this feeling in his stomach is and it sort of has him a bit scared. That is, until he tells someone about it and they kinda laugh a little and explain it to him while giving him something to eat.

The first time eating something is so weird to him. Like he kinda has the muscle memory of it so it’s not like he’s being taught how to eat, but that doesn’t mean the overall sensation isn't weird and maybe a bit overwhelming at first. He gets used to it eventually and comes to enjoy trying new foods when he has the chance.

The first time he feels genuinely tired, he’s not too sure what’s happening. He’s felt sort of drained before, but this is a new level. Eventually he just passes out from exhaustion and he’s just on the floor until someone finds him. After that he’s more aware of what it is and is more careful about not passing out on the floor again. But he’ll still fall asleep in various places like in chairs or at a desk/table

Not to mention dreams. P would be confused as fuck about dreams. But he wouldn’t think much of them afterward. However, his first nightmare? Poor guy would be fucking shook.

(This one for the thirsty people including myself lmao) With P experiencing more human emotions, it would make sense he’d feel a romantic attraction to someone at some point. But I’d imagine he’d also experience sexual attraction. However, still having the body of a puppet, he’s missing a certain part to his anatomy to make some of these dirty desires possible. Unless he convinces someone to help him change that.

Note: I left things a little vague about who he talks to about these things, purely for your shipping convenience 💖

Most of my hinata headcanons are based on the fact that most people write him pretty shallowly- as nothing more than his height and love of volleyball, his need to fly, and the fact he's friendly. The really well written stuff writes him well, as a kind of enigma, but even then, one of his main traits is: Oh, he's pure sunshine!! His eyes shone with pride and determination, a hunger to win; to fly, etc, etc. Right? With most ships, it's just about how beautiful he looks in the sunset/sunrise with his hair and eyes. My point is that he's mischaracterized without really being mischaracterized because it's all *true*. he is absolutely gorgeous, and he does have a hunger to win and fly, and volleyball is his entire world, but there's sooooo much more still.

Normally, I hc him according to canon; according to scenes from the manga/anime, and then further analyzing it, yk? But I *truly* think hinata shoyo would be a good liar and hard to read.

It's already somewhat canon that people find him confusing, in the fact that he's a people pleaser and switches up really quickly to make people happy. He'll say something, and then someone will disagree, and he'll immediately switch up so that person won't dislike him for his different opinion, ykwim?

And then people never know what he's thinking, either. He's completely oblivious to his own feelings but is hyper aware of other people's feelings. He doesn't notice when he's running a fever of 102° but notices that someone has 2/5 symptoms of the flu 💀💀 like my guy can remember suuuuper specific details about a person's life, like the day their great aunt's cat died, but forgets his own bday.

He's actually really smart, but he's failing all his classes bc he can't focus. I think he'd be really good at math, but really only with like decimals and uhh money math, like he's good at calculating tax and saving money, but that's bc he grew up especially poor and had to be cautious with money. He'd probably be better with Japanese literature than English literature bc obvi that's his native language, and I think he'd really like linguistics post Brazil.

But, he also has his signature death stare, and I kinda came up with a hc based off it; since we all agree he has adhd, a part of it is zoning out, and i think he'll sit hunched over like L and just do his little death stare out to nothing or nowhere in particular, or will sit on his bed zoned out doing the death stare out towards the door, with the lights off, and someone will walk in and scream. He just randomly hunches over like L sometimes, and daichi will tell him that it's bad for his back, and he'll say, "But it's comfy :(" actually I think I'm just writing autistic hinata rn oopsies it's ok tho we love autism hcs here!!

Since he's really small (probably underweight actually), he can fit into really small spaces, and he thinks they're comfy (me guys). But at the same time, he loves big fields and gyms bc he likes to run around. Basically, he says and does really conflicting things, and it confuses people, which is another reason he was bullied in middle school.

He started doing the death stare as a defense mechanism in middle school actually, bc older, taller kids tried to use that to their advantage and bully him, but glaring at them weird made them walk away. Also, contrary to popular belief, I hc he can fight. So many people have just decided he's, like, too weak to fight or smth?? Like they think he can't defend himself physically, which I personally think he could, but yk, anxiety, so he doesn't. Like my guy is an athlete, have you seen him?? He may be small, but if he wasn't frozen in fear and anxiety, he could beat someone's ass!!

I said before I actually do think he could lie, bc one again, he's a people pleaser, and I feel like once when he was a kid, a family friend or someone or like when he was at a friend's house, they made dinner and he didn't like it, so he lied about liking it, but the person knew he lied and called him out on it and he cried bc he lied abt liking it and lying is bad, but also telling them he didn't like the food is rude, which is also bad. So then he decided he'd learn how to lie. Also, ik he uses his height and baby face to his advantage!! ***Depending on the person*** he can get away with just about anything bc "🥺🥺🥺" and then when everybody else calls him out for it he's like "L fuck you hehehe 😜💪💪" Like he drew a 🍆 pp on the wall or something once and then blamed it on kageyama and the teacher believed him.

And even though he's a people pleaser, he's managed to find peace in playing pranks and being mean, in a normal teenager way ofc, because suga helped him come out of his shell (suga purely bc he is mischievous but still responsible and nice)(and then suga asks Asahi why he can't be like hinata bc Asahi can barely even write with pencil on a desk, let alone sharpie anything so 'vulgar' on school property (it's not *just* because he's scared bc it's vulgar it's also bc he doesn't think those kinds of jokes are funny, and simply doesn't understand why writing on school property is fun (that's how I feel, idk 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️) ))

BTW, guys, half of these are to spite my friend who calls hinata a "bean 🥺" even though she's not on Tumblr. Also, I think I'm gonna start organizing these kinds of posts so they're easier to read, haha. Does anyone want any character specific hc posts since I always do hinata?

misc. shane headcanons

(some of these feed into my fanfic lol)

under the cut because this is a loooong list

his nose is aquiline and flat with a slight turn up at the tip, and it’s been broken a LOT/not properly set from his gridball days so it’s kinda fucked up (it’s okay we love fucked up/big/prominent noses in this house i simp for them SOOOO bad)

he’s surprisingly good with kids? he’s happy to go along with all of jas’ shenanigans

his depression manifests as a lack of regard for himself, so while he drinks as a (very bad) coping mechanism it’s alcohol abuse and not an alcohol dependence. (nothing wrong with struggling with addiction, this is just how i read him)

look at him. he has anxiety. that manifests as a hyperawareness of appearance and a borderline obsession with being clean. are his clothes incredibly worn and ragged and stained? yes. is he smelly? absolutely not. incredibly self aware and obsessive with hygiene. it makes him anxious if he’s not because he feels like he’s drawing more attention to himself and he wants to be left alone

his depression is kind of like… a low functioning presentation (if that makes sense?) instead of overcompensating he tends to under compensate; he can’t find a reason to do anything other than the bare minimum and stick to his routine. it’s easier to not put in the effort to do well. you’ll feel like shit if you try and don’t succeed, but if you don’t try and don’t succeed/do the bare minimum you know what to expect and it’s easier to prepare for it.

(by contrast, june overcompensates. do all that you can to keep up the appearance of a competent, well adjusted individual because you’re so afraid of failing and that once you show your weaknesses/you fail you’ll be discarded immediately because you’re “broken” they have intense anxiety and try not to get close on a deeper level, everything is superficial. has to be liked by everyone and feel dependable. please send them to therapy)

shane does care what people think but can’t trust anyone enough to get close to because he’s scared of being hurt

in a lighter note, i think that once he opens up, he’s confused by kindness/affection. you want to hang out with him? him?? have you lost your mind??? but once he gets used to it he’s super affectionate and can be a bit clingy, because it’s new and exciting and it’s such a weird but nice feeling

he’s shown in canon (note the height difference between him and the other bachelor’s sprites during the flower dance) to be shorter than the other bachelors, but i think he’s 5’6”. i just know it in my bones

another thing i know in my bones is: he’s chubby, he’s got a tummy but he’s really strong too. idk if any of y’all worked on farms/grew up in a small community that has a lot of farmers/agricultural ties but you cannot tell me he’s got noodle arms. have you ever had to haul a hay bale? i haven’t but i can tell you they’re fucking heavy. shane chops wood and hauls feed bags and hay bales so while he’s chubby he’s also strong

his ideal future like to run a chicken sanctuary. i think he’d like it he’s a little weirdo like that

also he’s not… vegetarian, but eating meat is a bit weird for him. on one hand, in a small community like pelican town you know any animal used for food is given a lot of care and you know they’re treated well (i can verify this as someone who grew up in a small agricultural town; my dad used to keep animals for slaughter as a kid and i have friends who do as well and they treat their animals SUPER well, you can verify exactly how they’re treated and their quality of life) but it still makes him kinda sad. he’ll eat it, yeah, but he tries to avoid it to the best of his ability; especially with chicken. it makes him sad to think about eating a feathery friend

when shane is in a better headspace, he just avoids all alcohol. he worries a lot about getting “bad” again and avoids any and all triggers. can he drink without abusing it? yes, but it’s incredibly difficult. it just makes him anxious and the thought of relapse is terrifying

he relapses a handful times because as someone who’s been in recovery (ED recovery, but it’s a similar struggling with urges + intrusive thoughts and etc.) it is hard and never fucking linear. you have dips and jumps and plummeting lows and etc so it’s easy to get back into bad habits, especially when it’s what you know and are used to

when he does relapse it’s incredibly fucking easy for him to because his tolerance is abysmally small. just a few beers gets him plastered

he loves shitty and bad jokes. they’re funny and kinda dad jokes. ones that make you groan and you’ll never admit that secretly they make you happy because they’re so bad they’re good

Roommate - csc

Pairing: Seungcheol x reader

Warnings: Swearing, weed use, slight mention of emotional abuse from an ex? Kinda angsty too?

Word count: 1k

A/N: I wrote this short drabble yesterday at work then typed it directly on here, so it hasn't really been edited, I apologize for any typos or mistakes. Also this is very self indulgent I'm having major Cheol feels these days please bear with me lmao

*This is purely a work of fiction. It is in no way meant to represent any idol in any way, shape or form.

✩✩✩✩✩✩✩

Seungcheol knew exactly where to find you.

You had been living together for over two years now, so when he walked in to see the playlist on the TV, the window to the balcony slightly opened, and the light smoke coming from outside, he knew what was going on. He kept his shoes and jacket on, crossing the living room to reach you.

It was crazy how quickly you guys went from complete strangers to the best of friends. You were a friend of a friend; his roommate had left, and you had fought with yours, which led to them kicking you out. You needed a place to stay, he needed a roommate, and so your common friend introduced the two of you, and you moved in with him within the week. You got along well, having similar habits and routines. If something bothered him, he would tell you, and so did you - most of the time anyway. So you had both agreed that you'd remain roommates for as long as this was working.

In those two years, Seungcheol had also gotten used to your coping mechanisms. He could always tell when something was wrong, because you would gradually close yourself up, and started smoking a little more often, until you broke down completely, and then you'd slowly get back up. He had tried to help you countless times before, but quickly realized that you didn't need him to save you. You just needed him to be there, to listen to you vent until you were ready to move on.

And so that's what he was prepared to do when he stepped outside. He sat down next to you in silence, doing his absolute best to not stare at you, since you knew you didn't like it in those moments. Instead, he focused on the peaceful evening, the sun slowly setting, the noisy city street below, the music softly coming from the opened window. Without a word, you handed him your lit joint, and he took it. When he exhaled the smoke, he felt you take a deep breath.

"[Your ex's name] broke up with me today," you said, and this time he looked at you. Even if you weren't facing him, he could see how puffy and red your eyes were, the somewhat fresh tears on your cheeks, your wet sweater sleeves where your arms rested on your knees. You had been crying for a while, he could tell. "Over text," you added, and all the restraint Seungcheol was trying to show was gone in an instant.

He had never like the guy. He always had a weird energy to him, always giving Seungcheol the impression that he couldn't care less about you or your friends, or about anything regarding your life. You had fought with him more than once, and Seungcheol had tried to keep you away from him, but you'd always go back. Now that the ties were broken, Seungcheol would finally be able to speak his mind to the asshole.

"What kind of fucking baby breaks up over text? I'll have a little chat with him later, believe me," he said, and you let out the tiniest chuckle. Seungcheol glanced at you, confused.

"I knew you'd choose violence."

"He deserves it, after everything he put you through," Seungcheol said, but you didn't reply, instead reaching for the joint. He gave it back to you, leaning his head on the wall behind him as you took a drag, trying to calm his anger.

"Do you wanna know why I was crying?" you asked, and he frowned.

"Because he broke your heart?"

"Maybe a bit. But I also realized that I'm an absolute idiot-"

"You're not an idiot," Seungcheol immediately argued, but you stopped him before he could add anything.

"Let me finish. I'm an absolute idiot, because I kept going back to the one who hurt me when when the one who loved me was right in front of me."

Seungcheol stopped breathing for a second. He never admitted it to himself, but he did love you. And not just as a good friend. He had feelings for you, but he'd never admit it, because that way, it hurt less to see you go out with other people. He had pushed his feelings away, especially in the last few months, convinced that he wasn't the only one in your friend group to like you. He wasn't one for drama, usually putting other people's feelings before his own. And now he feared he was right, and you would tell him you liked someone else. He wasn't sure his heart would take it.

"I guess they're right when they say love makes you blind," is what he replied to your statement, taking a longer drag of the blunt that had found its way between his fingers again.

"Seungcheol," you said, and he turned to you. You never used his full name. "I mean you. You've been there all along and I've been too stupid to see how good we are together."

Seungcheol's brain stopped working. He stared at you with wide eyes, his lips parted in a shocked expression. The feelings were scrambling in his heart, words tumbling as he struggled to find his voice.

"How'd you know?" he asked quietly.

"I didn't. Everyone kept telling me you liked me, and I kept saying you didn't, probably because I didn't want to admit that I liked you too. So I guess now we both know," you explained.

Seungcheol blinked, staring at you in disbelief. Your words suddenly clicked in his brain, and he leaned towards you. His hand found the back of your head, his lips gently finding yours. They were puffy and salty from all the tears you had shed, and Seungcheol promised himself he would never let anyone hurt you again.

Dude, I need a relationship advice from you. and please be blunt and honest with me.

So I have fiancee. To start with, I never read AO3 or tumblr near him, cos I don't want him to see me as this crazy maniac girl who loves weird and questioning fanfics that doesn't makes sense and out of line from normality. And plus our environment kinda religious and you have to agree half of the fics in here and AO3 are mostly sinful. Including poly relationship, since it looks like cheating.

Next, since we already engaged and we even planning to marry next year, I just wanna be true to him. I want him to see me entirely, that this is the woman you'll spend your lifetime with, the woman that'll bring your child to the world, etc, etc.

So, I started to read Tumblr even when he's around. Even on his lap, while he watched his mechanical series idk what about. But because I read it on iPad, obviously he also can read it too. And I love your poly marauders a lot. And it's not even that smut, not at all! And I've read something worse than your fluff poly relationship fics.

Well, since he see me read all your poly fics, he asked me about it and then we joked about it. He asked me if I would like to be in a poly relationship. And I jokingly say yes if only marauders, the one you write are real. No other marauders, only your marauders cos I know your marauders are so fucking perfect it's obvious that they won't exist in this cruel world

Suddenly he said, should we try it? Cos next year we won't be able to be crazy again. Next year we'll be tied to one another by god and government. so it'll be our last chance to be crazy. And at this point I really confused cos why the hell he brings this out? I thought we're only joking around. Why he makes it sounds real?

While I want to asked him what is he talking about, he pulled his phone, open Instagram, and show me account of the girls he would like to be in poly relationship with.

And now I'm wondering, if he's joking or not. But he already has a list of girls he wants to be in poly relationship with. And he never heard the word poly before this. Make me questioning if he actually been playing behind me? And see this as a chance to... Idk?

Should I continue this marriage plan. He kinda scared me now. Like, how could you have list of women you want to be with. And it's not fictional women, they are real, and I know this women. They mostly our friends, my friends.

If the list are black widow, or sydney sweeney. I'll be accept it and laugh and thought it just a joke. But it's not, and now I'm not sure about our relationship.

What should I do?

Btw sorry for the long story, I'm not ready to tell this to my family, and idk if I can trust my friends since they all in his list. I don't want to make them feel awkward around me or feel bad

Hi! So, this is obviously deeply personal, and I'm going to try to give my advice because you've asked for it, but I just want to say first that you should do whatever feels right for you and your relationship. I've never been in a relationship and don't know your fiancee, so I can only give you my perspective within those limitations.

It seems like this started because you want to go into your married life having complete honesty with your partner (I would want the same), so my first instinct is to have a frank conversation with him about your concerns and see what he says/how he reacts.

If you're worried he's been cheating on you, though, I can see how he might just lie in that situation. In my own opinion (again, this is just me, do what feels right for you), I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone I don't fully trust. In general, I'd probably try and step back to analyze my relationship and ask myself whether I really want to marry someone I'm already having doubts about. That's me being as blunt as I can.

I really hope it all works out for you honey, and I'm proud of you for wanting to be honest in your relationship <3

Digimon World 3 - 17 Hours in

Now that I'm like 1/3 of the way into this game, I thought I'd give an update on how it's going. I try to play 1-2 hours a day almost everyday, but it can get grindy so progress is slow n' steady. So far, this is the most normal and recommendable Digimon game yet! No insane mechanics to drive me nuts and the environments/music/other aesthetic stuff is vastly improved over Digimon World 2. See my miscellaneous musings below.

Notes:

This game is actually really fun and satisfying!! Unlike Digimon World 1 & 2 your progress isn't torn to shreds every few minutes by some bogus digivolving mechanic! You don't have to constantly start from scratch raising your diigmon. THANK GOD. Well...I guess you would have to start from scratch if you go beyond the 3 starter partners, but I'm just ignoring that part of the game for now. I'm pretty sure it's optional.

Speaking of optional, there's a lot of stuff I'm ignoring in-game right now. I haven't bothered to get a fishing rod and I'm barely doing any card battling. For some reason people would challenge me to card battles at the beginning of the game and then they just randomly stopped? Fine by me, I got other stuff to do.

The tree kicking stuff is kind of a pain in the butt, so I tried it a few times and then said "meh, this is slowing me down." I'm thinking, if the game lets me, I'll save the card stuff til the end so I can focus on one thing at a time.

The one thing about this game that is kinda bullshit is the amount of time you spend crossing the massive map, but I can tell that quick travel is gonna be a thing eventually, so I don't really mind. It's also makes it feel like the grinding battles are built-in to your travels, so that's sort of nice.

Digivolution works weird. Like, digimon digivolve into things you wouldn't expect them to. My Renamon went from Kyubimon to Stingmon to XV-Mon. Meanwhile my Patamon went from Angemon to Digitamamon, so like sometimes they get ultimate forms in their roster and sometimes they get multiple champions? Also, the digivolved digimon keeps the child digimon's name which is kinda dumb (ex. XV-Mon will be on screen but the HP bar says "Renamon.") Also, also, the digivolutions level up separately from the base digimon which is pretty confusing. I'm not sure which level number to care about!

I like that they kept recruiting other digimon very simple. You need to fight optional bosses to do it. I don't have to worry about "catching them all" this way.

Cities and dungeons are all very distinct with their own vibes (UNLIKE ANOTHER GAME I KNOW). The digimon look awesome whether in pixel or 3D form. The battle animations are fun and it's especially satisfying to see your digimon evade attacks.

Definitely glad I have walkthroughs and maps via the internet to guide me because otherwise I probably wouldn't know what to do half the time. The published guide is also scanned and on Archive.org, so that's a plus.

As usual, the plot is kinda weak, but at least I understand what's going on! When I reflect on it though, I don't think there's a single human character I'm particularly invested in. I guess it's more an adventure driven game than a story/character driven one. That's fine.

I think the game's a good level of challenging. I'm currently stuck at the Byakko City leader battle which is the first time I've really gotten stuck thus far. I don't feel frustrated though because I think I know just the combo of level grinding, training and item hoarding that will get me where I need to be.

i just watched truly the most production of midsummer and i felt like i had to come here. to be clear i have not seen a lot of absurdist or non linear theater in my day so i’ve probably got a vague idea of weird here but this was. this was weird. i have to see this production for class with most of my grade, and basically all i was told going in was this was a modern version of midsummer, with like modern music, and only one actor’s name was getting dropped in conversation so i was gathering it was a one man show. i go in and it’s a very minimal set, just a few bags, a rug, a piano bench, and the piano my school has with a pair of work boots on top. there’s also a music stand off to the side with a laptop on it. guy comes in barefoot and opens with puck’s ending monologue. this is the only part of the play he recites in full for the whole show. he then puts on a beanie and goes into the opening scene with mechanicals, and stops at about the “bottom’s dream” ballet thing. he does puck’s ending monologue again. he does a few other bits of midsummer (the monologue about the seasons being weird, the lion howls monologue) interspersed with puck’s ending monologue and the opening mechanicals scene, but every time he does the mechanicals scene, he’s stopping at the “lover or a fighter” bit now. he’s changing costumes and props very erratically throughout and at one point takes out a boombox that was so much less utilized than i thought it would be cause it was so pretty. this is like. kinda weird but not that weird tbh. he starts bottom’s dream monologue again, and changes the song on his laptop to a karaoke track of something and stops talking. a bit of the track plays and he starts puck’s ending monologue again, interspersed with him singing along to the song which i THINK was linger by the cranberries but i couldn’t really catch it. the song ends and he’s like “hi everybody time to talk for a second. this is my name and i’m doing a weird production of midsummer i hope you come away with more questions that answers.” alright cool everything makes sense now. he continues in the same rhythm as before, doing the same portions of midsummer in different orders with different inflections and actions and props that i can’t really describe. he also throws the “my brother he is in elysium” bit from twelfth night in there at one point for no reason? it is around the point a girl in my class i only sort of know leans over to me and asks if i’ve ever read the one tumblr post about a production of midsummer that starts with a guy eating a burrito and the whole thing is his dream. i have never told her i have a tumblr she has just read this on me. and also the answer to the question is yes. we both agree this is probably what that production was like. the guy then does the beginning of puck’s ending for like the 10th time and starts a new karaoke track (there is an ad for vrbo before it). it’s creep by radiohead. he sings the Entire song with like two bits of shakespere interspersed before sitting down to do a brief q&a with us about what he’s doing and the play itself. he talks about non linear storytelling and loops for a bit and uses oberon and titania’s first interaction to show it off. he talks about puck a bit. we go back into the show with no warning it’s just suddenly the “gods my life stolen hence and let me sleep” bit. the loop continues again for a while, but this time oberon and titania’s first meeting has mostly replaced the mechanicals and has entirely replaced the seasons bit. also at one point he goes into the queen mab speech from romeo and juliet that i IMMEDIATELY recognize and it confuses be wildly because i’ve forgotten what environment i’m in. (1/2)

we then take another pause to talk about good and bad and oberon and titania (and also pick a little) where he says a lot but makes absolutely no points about the show. par for the course. he tells us the lion roses monologue is his favorite and it’s cut from many productions, goes into it, and we do the last chunk of the show, which is everything i’ve just watched dialed up by ten times. the twelfth night bit AND the queen mab speech are back. he then says that he’s closing the show with puck’s monologue again and says “if i have ruined that piece of text for you, i am sorry for nothing”. he spends a second pulling up another karaoke track. there is an ad for lemon lime soda before this one. i recognize the track immediately but talk myself out of it. he starts puck’s monologue again and gets a few lines in before he starts singing. it’s yellow by coldplay. i was right about the song, btw. he does most of the song uninterrupted, before briefly doing bottom’s dream monologue and finishing out puck’s monologue in the instrumental breaks. he has a lovely voice but this is the weirdest song choice so far tbh. he leaves the stage at the end of the song. show is over. i enjoyed myself immensely and i have never been more confused by something i was REQUIRED to watch for a class. i also had to hear if we shadows have offended at least 20 times in the span of an hour and 15 minutes-ish, which sure was something. (2/2)

my slow transition reading this from "well this isn't THAT weird" -> "if someone clocked me for being a tumblr user in class i would keel over and die" -> "CREEP BY RADIOHEAD?". dude i think that was puck. like i think that was puck himself

Evil Perry anyone?

Kinda surprised by the shortage of role swaps with Perry and Doofenshmirtz (though it is entirely possible I’m just looking in the wrong place) and I was going to wait till I could watch most of the show but I’m having trouble getting a hold of it so fuck it, here are my rambles about an evil Perry the Platypus and an Agent Heinz Doofenshmirtz, human au.

Heinz has more or less the same family dynamic with Charlene and Vanessa, who knows he’s an agent because she stumbled on his lair and Heinz simply didn’t tell O.W.C.A. Besides, it makes it a lot easier to slip away when she’s there. This doesn’t happen a lot because technically, he isn’t a full field agent. He’s in the tech division, where he absolutely excels (he does still invent wacky stuff, mostly to see if he can, but usually on his own time). However, he does still have most of the training to be a field agent. He got shifted to tech because one, he’s a competent agent but a great mechanic, and two, the guy can’t go into the field without something crazy happening. He usually accomplishes the mission but not without something weird going down and at some point the hire-ups just got really fucking frustrated with every report involving at least one WTF moment. The general wackiness of Heinz’s plans and inventions in the show manifests here as well, general wackiness, and it’s really confusing for everyone involved.

Perry is an uncle/distant cousin of the Flynn-Fletchers. He lives maybe a couple blocks away, I’m leaning towards smaller 2-story place cause then he can have like, family visits in the downstairs (usually he goes to them though) and evil schemes in the upstairs. He is still really close to the family, visits almost every day for dinner or something, but none of them know he’s evil and at the beginning O.W.C.A doesn’t even know they exist. Evil is dangerous and he doesn’t want to involve them in it. He’s much more of a schemer than Heinz, and less of an inventor. He’s really good at building and repurposing things so there still tend to be machines in his plans, but isn’t as good at starting from scratch. His schemes tend to be less petty vengeance (though he definitely is not above that) and more making money/taking over the city. He’s dangerous because he’s a planner and O.W.C.A has been thwarting him so far but with great difficulty and without a permanent nemesis.

The Flynn-Fletchers are pretty much unchanged. Candance doesn’t know about Perry’s evil because I considered it but figured that repeatedly failing the bust her creative brothers and evil uncle (their friend group all knows at least some sign language because he’s around often enough) would drive her fully insane. Perry doesn’t know everything the boys invent but he’s seen enough to believe them. He doesn’t help Candance with the busting much because its her mission and without her mom actually seeing it, he doesn’t think she’ll believe him anyway.

Heinz at first isn’t even assigned to be Perry’s nemesis he gets sent over to do a little surveillance because the agent currently assigned to him is in the hospital. He gets caught because there are literally traps all over the lair part of Perry’s place, there’s a fight, and in the process Heinz not only breaks the current machine but also throws a huge wrench in Perry’s current plan (don’t ask me how this is a ramble remember?).

Cue everyone collectively thinking WTF????? including Perry who’s so surprised he doesn’t even try to stop Heinz from leaving. So the next time he starts being trouble, O.W.C.A sends Heinz. After a couple successes, and no one is entirely sure how Heinz keeps pulling this off, they decide to make him a full time nemesis. So he’s like, half nemesis half tech guy.

Part of why Heinz works so well as a nemesis for Perry is that Perry’s a planner and pretty good at strategizing but Heinz is just so fucking random that he’s hard to plan for and keeps throwing Perry off. For a while he tries to compensate with more traps but unfortunately the two of them are equally good at making and escaping traps. They do eventually start to kinda get along (not that they’d ever admit it). Perry likes having someone else fluent in ASL around, Heinz is impressed by his ability to repurpose stuff, both of them think the other is funny/good-looking...

“Where’s Perry?” Still happens a lot because (fights go long or he gets caught up in plotting/building) the guy is always late. Always. The family’s started telling him things start half an hour earlier than they do. It sometimes works. “A platypus? PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!” doesn’t really happen. Its funny but I also don’t think O.W.C.A would let him into the field if he had that much trouble recognizing villains. I am however highly amused by the idea of them running into each other at the pool or an ice cream place or something with their respective kids and the context/outfits are just so different from their usual run-ins that they both spend several minutes thinking “don’t I know you?” before going “oh FUCK!” Their next meeting starts with Perry threatening the reign hell on Heinz if he ever touches his family and Heinz threatening the same. It’d never be a problem, both have Rules about going after uninvolved family, but it’s definitely a turning point.

Me: "Sometimes Gender feels like the Sneeches, y'know? It's good for the feminist cause that we're getting all mixed and matched and we can't tell who's who anymore, because it frustrates the mechanisms of sex-based discrimination. But this also just sort of feels like we're back where we started, where society has broad definitions of gender roles, but the caste system based on anatomy persists. I'm not saying it has to work this way for everybody, but my love/hate relationship to my own uterus is kind of integral to why I consider myself a woman. But if there are men with uteruses, then I don't know where that leaves me; I barely prefer she/her pronouns, I hate my assigned name but I think I'll just live with it, and all the conventional signifiers of femininity in my culture are basically torture devices (high heels, piercings, dresses you can't run in, make-up, etc). All I know is I'm not a man... I don't think??? Maybe if I had better opinions of what men can be, I'd want to be one? I want to be treated with the same kind of stern respect men get, but I think that just makes me human? Which one is the gender where you can't stand anything on your face (mustaches or glop), but also you still have persistent Margret Atwood nightmares, and you'd prefer to be called "assertive" instead of "shrill"?"

Trans blog: BLOCKED!

Trans blog: BLOCKED!

Trans blog: BLOCKED!

Trans blog: BLOCKED!

Trans blog: BLOCKED!

TERF blog: "Welcome sister!" (Proceeds to go on a thousand-paragraph rant about "security risks" of housing trans women in women's prisons, in a way that seems weirdly ok with sexual assault in men's prisons. Also gender shouldn't matter, but she's still going to go out of her way to use the wrong pronouns for people she doesn't like)

Me: "NO."

Just interesting watching how the pipeline forms, is all. Credit where credit's due, this just goes to show the internet is absolutely not pushing trans propaganda on the youth. Because I'm broadcasting "lost, confused, self-hating egg" vibes that are visible from space, and y'all would still rather DNI than hear someone agree with your party line in a slightly sardonic fashion. How many other closeted trans men are getting funneled into TERF spaces, because "abolishing gender" sounds like what we want at first blush, but inevitably it always gets weird. Usually, around the point OP screenshots one tumblrina being a thin-skinned idiot, and then OP extrapolates that therefore an entire civil rights movement is bunk. That's the difference between me and TERFS; I think both sides are full of idiots who can't agree on anything (almost as if gender means different things to different people), but only the terfs are factually incorrect.

Every argument I have with a trans blog ends with the Lebowski "Well that's just like... your opinion man" gif.

Every argument I have with a terf blog ends with me tearing my hair out that they are going to set the feminist cause back 50 years.

I have to pick my battles is what I'm saying, but it's still kinda rude to treat me like an outsider to the queer experience just because I have cis privilege.

Hi I love reading ur short stories they’re so inspiring like it makes me want to try giving writing a go again but like I don’t know how to start without feeling like a complete hack. Do you have any tips?

this probably isnt the answer you want but you have to write badly in order to write better 🧍🏽‍♂️ genuinely something that i hate about writing fun fact qewhehej. in my experience a lot of my writing journey has been self reflection. like, okay i hate this paragraph, but why do i hate it? is the rhythm weird? are my sentences too long/short? is it confusing? too fast? too fluffy? etc etc. because when you can identify why you dislike what youve written you know how to change it. ive tried to change my mindset from "ugh this first draft is fucking awful" to "this draft shows me how i DONT want to tell this story and it is one step closer to my vision". im especially having a hard time with this in regards to special dreams (if you go through the tag you can see some plot changes over the years lol) because i have SO much i want to say and need to find more effective ways to say them. just because i know how to fix my draft doesnt mean its easy to do so agehrhhr.

it also helps to read a lot! ursula k le guin has a book to help you improve writing (with fun lil exercises) and the prompts are pretty fun to do and get you thinking about about the mechanics behind writing. seeing other peoples styles and approaches helps me out a lot and sometimes (and this is kinda bitchy aswgevd) ill read a sentence someone wrote and rewrite in my head how i would say it. it started as an exercise but has turned into an annoying habit lmao 😭.

anyways my tldr tips are: write badly and fix it later. writing is, unfortunately, a skill and needs to be honed and practiced. read a ton! all kinds of genres from all kinds of countries, and include nonfiction too. even articles about types of moss in the rockies, the number of people over 5'7 named jeff, and wombat mating habits can have engaging and lyrical writing styles. and know when you need to step away from something, fresh eyes always read better.

also just a note: i am absolutely still learning and honing my style and voice! its a process. you got this <3

My thoughts on Pokemon Scarlet and Violet

The game’s been out for almost a week now and Ive blasted through it in like 3 days because my sick ass couldn’t really do much but lay around and suffer anyways. Rn I’m trying to fill my Pokedex and I’ve started a second, way slower playthrough to really enjoy everything the game’s got to offer.

Criticism

So, Pokemon’s first open world game. We’ve all seen the memes, the game has a lot of bugs and especially performance issues. While I have not run into a high amount of glitches, except for some visual stuttering and one shut down, the performance of this game is sometimes atrocious. And this coming from someone who plays Monster Hunter World on an old laptop at 30fps where more than half the textures don’t even load. Sometimes the game dances on the line of death when it loads in too many Pokemon, or god forbid you’re on water because your switch will sound like a chainsaw trying to cut through a stubborn trunk.

And it really IS a shame, because the concepts and ideas of this game are a lot of fun! Like, this game IS fun but it does get bogged down by its issues a lot. Also bcs it does not have dynamic level scaling. Don’t tell me I can go everywhere and do anything, but then throw me in a zone I can’t go through. Don’t get me wrong, the whole “I SHOULD NOT BE HERE YET” experience is very funny and makes you look forward to going back to places, but the layout is just confusing. At the start, Nemona tells you the West Gate is for the first Gym Challenge, Arven tells you the East Gate is for the first Titan. You’d assume either way you go, the challenges in that zone are at least around the same levels but NOPE. You can beat the Gym Leader on the side of the first Titan relatively easily, but try to take on the Team Star base in the same area and be sure to suffer. This weird layout design goes through most of the game. Like, why is the Gym Leader that’s FARTHER North than Grucia weaker than him??? Like, you kinda HAVE to go through his town to get to the other one. It just does NOT make any sense!

 I wanna say that Game Freak just needed more time but we know that even a year more wouldn’t have helped much, because Game Freak just isn’t a studio that’s equipped to do everything they set out to do. They’re short development time makes them build the games on an already wonky base, so even if they did suddenly extend the development by a year, I don’t think much would have changed since they had a faulty game design from the start. It pisses me off so much how Game Freak won’t or can’t reach out for help, they always try to keep everything in their small little team and not let outside hands touch their product (which ofc also is because of all the branding around it), but with their short 3 year development cycle, these guys just aren’t fit for the job to make the games they want to and the people demand. For fuck’s sake, they’re the biggest media franchise on earth, I do not understand what makes them think that one more year of development from the start or an extension of their team would do to fuck that over. So far the people stick with their games because they give us glimmers of hope and lure us in with great Pokemon and characters, but if this continues, they are slowly but surely going to lose their status as top franchise.

Because not making a game with this low res run well on the switch when the Xenoblade’s Chronicles games can be played on the system is unacceptable.

The Good stuff

Now that Ive got the negative stuff out of the way, I can go to stuff I really enjoyed. Because while I do have my fair share of criticism, this game also did a lot I liked.

For one, I am deeply saddened they removed the chugging balls mechanic from Arceus, this just makes catching Pokemon a hassle again. However, I do like the autobattle mechanic. It’s a bit rough because your Pokemon are so slow and once you run for 3 steps they’re back in their Pokeballs. But it’s a nice mechanic to get some off hands exp when traveling from place to place.

Speaking of traversal, I really love Kuraidon. The sound design of this Pokemon is immaculate, I love the scaly boy, he has so much personality and I love how you’re unlocking HMs for him through the Herba Mystica. It’s such a stupid pun but I love it.

As for the other new Pokemon, I’m hit and miss on them. A lot feel weirdly Fakemon. Like, the Flamingo and the Stork don’t feel like real Pokemon to me. Others, however, I really really liked. The Smoliv line is one of my new fav Gras types, Fuecoco has no braincells and I love him for that, and this game did give us some awesome new bug and fairy types. DUDE, A BREAD DOG?! HE’S SO CUTE!!(Spoiler for endgame)

And then the ancient Pokemon. I do prefer the ancient Mons to the futuristic ones tbh, and I like the concept also way more of trying to bring back old, extinct Pokemon to live alongside the present ones than bringing some from the future. Dude, like, the ancient Volcarona is so fucking cool, it’s my fav of the old mons.

(spoiler territory)

But on to the one thing I truly loved about Scarlet and Violet, the characters. Specifically the main three, Nemona, Arven and Penny (and Mr. Clavell/Clive). I never thought I’d like Penny and Arven at the start but holy shit they grew on me. Even Nemona, who I figured I’d like, took a turn in character I hadn’t expected.

Let’s start off with Penny since I have the least to say about her. It was pretty obvious she’s the leader of Team Star from the start, right? The predictability aside, while the Team Star story was nothing to write home about, by the end I did feel attached to this group of misfits, and Penny’s relationship with them is so sweet. Like, when after the game you can join her looking after the team Star bosses to see if they’re doing well in school, it’s so adorable. What I like about Penny though is how surprisingly sassy she is. Freaking hacker Otaku with no chill, I love it.

Then, Nemona. She’s like the epitome of a “nice” rival. I like that from the start it’s established that she is a great trainer, since she already has the Champion title, but the fact she chooses to start from scratch to grow alongside you just screams how much she loves battling and respects a good journey. She wants you to be the best because she sees your potential and she just knows she’ll have the best battle in her life if she helps you out. She’s a mix of a rival/mentor character, who at the same time kind of has a screw loose since battling is all she thinks about. But it all comes from an honest place and the fact she doesn’t act as a cheerleader and actually challenges you in battle when you’re not ready for it, makes her a great rival.

Lastly, Arven. (BIG spoilers) My sweet baby boy, I cannot believe Game Freak dumped so much trauma on you. It was obvious from the start that he had some parental issues, I did not expect it to be year long neglect. I mean, he hasn’t seen the prof in YEARS and has NO memories of playing together with his parent? And apparently his other parent walked out on them the MOMENT he was born??? Then he gets a dying dog, which thankfully got better (it did make me teary eyed by the end ngl) but then the one who’s actually dead is the PROFESSOR???? I hate how quickly he got over the fact, the dude just found out his parent who he hasn’t seen in years is fucking DEAD and has been for YEARS. I mean, I’m happy this makes him find new ambition and a new path in life but fuck me, let the boy process this for a bit.

But yeah, Arven’s story was my fav (im very weak for dogs ok.) Though, all coming together in the end and you running alongside your friends down the Great Crater was so damn cute istg. And the dialogue between them, getting to know each other, is so damn good. You see some different sides of them, showing interest in someone else but you, and it gives them some more dimension, I love it.

Now if Game Freak just FINALLY added voice acting, at least for the damn CUTSCENES, I’d be the happiest. Like dude, that last emotional cutscene really needed some raw emotional voice deliveries.

But yeah, all in all, Scarlet and Violet has a ton of fucking problems, but it also has a lot of good sides to it. Now if Game Freak just took it’s fucking time and accepted some help, they truly could make a great game from the get go.

World of Darkness? Sooooo-

Werewolves, Vampire, Mages or Fairies?

Three of you all asked at once so its easier to just answer here

I might get a little ranting and if I do I apologize it is nearly 11am and I HAVE NOT SLEPT because I make GREAT LIFE CHOICES. But let's begin~

I enjoy most of the WoD properties, even the weird ones like...I think its Promethean? Or something like that. Tired brain can't think but it lets you be golems or Frankensteins monster and so it got a huge thumbs up from me. Though they get a little fucked over since things tend to die around them :(

Of the main 4, my favorite in theory is mage but to actually play is vampire. Mostly because Mage is...Mage is a hot fucking mess and it confused a whole bunch of people and its very very very VERY fucking dense at times. Most of the times really. If you can actually find a group who understands it and will play it CHERISH THEM FOREVER BECAUSE YOU HAVE FOUND THE FUCKING HOLY GRAIL. Mages can also be ridiculously OP though so I understand some game masters just wanting to avoid that. Bit harder to rein your players in when the mechanics of the game have them warping the very fabric of reality on the regular.

Vampire is a fun one to play, much easier to understand, simple enough to get newbies into without requiring them to take a 2 semester course on the system. Plus it seems like people have more of an idea of what vampire legends and mythos they like the most to attach themselves to a clan that represents it than they do for mages. Also gonna love my Clan Tremere and Clan Gangrel. But I am starting to kinda dig the Hecata, ngl. Also also, Viva la Anarchs. Camarilla and Sabbat can fuck off

Also amusing seeing people realize that Vampires in WoD are like one of the weakest supernatural groups. Movies have convinced people that vampires can go toe to toe with werewolves but in WoD only a dumb vampire would ever try such a thing. And it is hilarious when you see someone who doesn't realize the power imbalance try.

I know vaguely about the Fey one and we have the books here for it but it just never appealed to me as much. It also tells a very different story. Mage and Vampire leaning more into political intrigue and court/corporate shenanigans while Fey seems more about trying to survive and grow and find yourself after a hugely traumatic experience that hit you not just mentally and psychologically but for a lot of the Fey peoples physically as well.

Werewolf I'm mixed on. If someone tells me they prefer the old werewolf books I'm gonna kinda eye them suspiciously. They tended to just go hard on the...I want to say subtle racism but a good portion of the time it wasn't all that subtle at all. It just went with wholesale stereotypes of indigenous peoples. The new edition seems to be written by people who realized hey, maybe we shouldn't couch this entire system in that and are making improvements. I just need to find a story teller willing to let me play a werebear in it now.

i finished rain world and downpour so here are my thoughts :3

(really long post below)

survivor, vanilla cat

spoilers start

you are cat. you are alone scared week and confuse. you encounter big computer robot. you eat her brain. get instructions on how to die by another computer robot how is mad because he cannot die. you go and die. 10/cat

spoilers end

ok but seriously, survivors campaign is my favorite because is infinitely replayable, you can go through it in so many different ways… the sense of discovery and immersion is immaculate. and most importantly, unlike (most) other campaigns, when playing survivor i didn’t feel like playing as a video game character, i felt like survivor. i understood perfectly how the silly cat was feeling and why it was doing what it was doing. it’s really weird in a video game to be able to make you feel so connected to a character, specially to a silent blob in a cryptic world.

Campaign: 10/10 best ca(t)mpaign.

Cat: 9/10. really versatile cat.

Story: 9999/10 again, this is one of the very few games i’ve played where the story IS the gameplay. and what a catntastic story it is.

(i’m bad)

arti, artificier, kaboom mom

you go commit a murder. and you explode. that’s about it.

Campaign: 6/10. really fun, also incredibly unfair and at times. the one i’m less likely to replay ever, but i did enjoy it a lot.

Cat: 10/10 you go kaboom and it big fun.

Story: 8/10. i like it!. not as strong as survivor but it is really good. is still the story of a cat and i like that, also the way the flashbacks play is really cool.

(i’m still bad)

gourmand, round cat, the most powerful being on heart.

i killed more things in this campaign that in any other, and i wasn’t even trying.

Campaign: 8/10 good old campaign. i like it a lot, it’s really similar to survivor but with a hard optional hard quest. i didn’t give it a higher score because, one, since is the first campaign in the dlc and also the most similar to survivor i find it quite boring to play (though on replay it’s not such a problem), and two, the difficulty in this one is reallyy weird. it either completely unfair or ridiculously easy and no in between.

Cat: 7/10. it’s really silly, in the best way possible. really fun when is being fun but infuriating when it isn’t.

Story: 10/10. gourmand literally said fuck this depressing world i’m going to have the time of my life, and it did. and i love it for that.

(i’m kind of good)

Rivulet, Ruffles, The Silly

you fast. that it.

Campaign: 9/10. it’s so much fun. i didn’t even found 5p region frustrating (even though it’s definitely not the best). also i found the use of the campaign objectives very good implemented. the refraction cell is so fun to carry around, swimming feels awesome, exploration is great and the movement is so fun. (although, combat and spears are literally rendered useless by rivulet speed and i don’t love that). will replay for sure

Cat: 9/10. again, incredibly fun but it kind of breaks half of the original mechanics of the game.

Story: 10/10 emotionally, 5/10 lord wise, 4/10 cat wise, so like 6/10. idk, i love the story it tells for moon and pebbsi pebbles because it makes me sad and happ, but i also don’t like it because it kind of ruins the feeling and theme of the original game a little and also because rivulet makes no sense at all. i have a google document with like 4 theories to make it makes sense and while writing that was fun, it is obvious that none of them are cannon and that rivulets story is only a way to keep telling moons and pebbles story, is no longer the story of a cat and that makes me sad. top 3 ending screen art though.

(ruffles goes brrr)

spear master, 7, the cat of the saddest robot

i have. way to many feelings on this to make it make sense but i’ll try.

Campaign: with pearl? 8/10, it’s just kinda annoying, i hate that pearl. with a little bit of passage cheese? 9/10, it is so fun. i like this campaign because it feels very very alien. the other downpour campaign also feel like they don’t fit in this world as good as the vanilla campaigns and while in those cases it makes the campaign a little worst then the original, i’ll like to argue spearmasters is the only one in which the effect is opposite.

light spoilers start

as we learn spearmaster was artificially created and heavily modified by seven red sums aka the best character in the game.

light spoilers end

the way they feed is stabbing things and is so weird. they look like they don’t belong, they play like they don’t belong, this cat creates spears made of bone out of its tail! it’s insane. they are too strong, they don’t feel part of the food change as much as they feel like they are disrupting it. but unlike rivulet speed, arti explosives or gourmand… godlikenindes?, it is the point. they were created artificially for exactly this. they can beat all and every preparator because they were designed to do so. not only that but the story also feels so much more natural, closer to survivors immersion then any of the others, because yes, you are just following a straight path, doing a set mission. but not because the game says so but because your creator says so. because that is your only porpoise. no exploration and wonder and open world. you go do what you were told by that who designed you to be unable to fit in this world. and it makes playing as sm so engaging.

Cat: 10/10. literally survivor but with infinite spears, it takes the pre existing mechanics of the game and just makes them more accessible so you can mess around. feeding is still weird, why did you take away its mouth? (i’m taking to you suns)

Story: 8/10. this is going to be long again, so sorry. Ok so first things first. the reading the transmissions as the primary way of storytelling is not my favorite, but it works. the environmental storytelling in this one is crazy good, (spoilers start) seeing moon in her full structure right after survivor and rivulet is heartbreaking and breathtaking. pebbles is also pretty good in this one. he is clinically insane, i love him. (spoilers end) overall is a great story but not the most compelling for how is told.

until!

that reading works if you analice sm campaign as the others, but as i said before, i think the weird and unfitting in this campaign is what makes it better than the others. for example, the method of storytelling requiring you to reed this long messages between iterators kinda of kills the immersion at times and feels out of place. this is in my opinion the point. sm is not supposed to find and read this, this is NOT their story, in the eyes of their creator, they are not even a character in it but a mere tool. so yeah it feels like the story is disconnected because, again, it is. my favorite part of sm campaign is this feeling and the context provided by the iterators conversations; that they are so close to being gods, so isolated from the world, so disconnected by design, unable to fully experience life, that they will create and use living feeling creatures like sm and hunter as tools without malice but out of ignorance and disconnect. and i love that because it reminds us how insignificant slugcat and all creatures are in comparison to these semi immortal machines, it gives us once more a glance of this world and its story making us wonder what it once was and making the world feel interesting and endlessly big, just as survivor’s campaign did.

Also it has suns and sig in it so 100/10 i love grape cat

(i killed more scavengers as sm than arti, i feel bad)

saint

look. i played the campaign, i read the wiki, i watched videos on it, i still don’t get it.

Campaign: 7.5/10. the world looks insane, the level design is really good, the art gorgeous and the echoes hunt is pretty fun and interesting. moon and 5p are great too. finding 5p made me tear up, something no other game had ever done, so yeah. good. and then you get to rubicon :)))) also as i said, the story looks cool! i wish it made sense. i can make silly theories for rivulet but there is no explanation for saint that doesn’t obliterate the rest of the cannon (if it is pleaseee tell me)

Cat: really fun, it’s almost a new game with pretty much every mechanic of the original removed or drastically changed. and while i understand some people may (understandably) dislike this, i think they are really well implemented mechanics, i had a lot of fun. (until the end when the game took way to many of those drug mushrooms and the mechanics, level design, enemies and everything else went rubicon, if you know what i mean. (for the record, i didn’t have a terrible time at rubicon and i don’t hate it as much as a lot of people do buut i do think is a bad ending mechanically speaking, but i’m no game designer so what do i know). i’ll love to replay it and i’ll likely do. and then quit just as i get to rubicon :))

Story: ???/10 what the hell just happen

(i killed a single spider!)

in summary, play rain world or else

ok thanks for reading i’ll go back at obsessing over yellow depressed robot

so many people complimented my dress and told me i looked pretty which was so nice….. i got attention from so many people but it kind of hurts that i got almost nothing from the people i craved it the most 🥲 i feel bad lmao i should he grateful but yeah

i don’t have a crush crush but there’s three guys i kinda of like, so recap:

• mechanical engineer, not in my program, was in one of my classes last year (we had “dinner”together once and i lost my shit it’s in an old post)

• neuroscience, in my program, he complimented me a lot at the beginning of the semester but hasn’t really talked to me recently :(

• literally not sure right now but it used to be biochem, in my program, roommate’s friend, have never met him

for the engineer guy i like him because he’s so sweet. he was already really nice to me and it’s so great to speak to someone who is kind like that. he’s really smart and outgoing, i enjoyed his company a lot and would like to be friends with him still, hopefully i’ll see him around more and we can get together some time. i considered asking him to this dance but since we weren’t super close i figured it would be awkward, and also taking a date would mean i don’t get to speak to others 😭 so that’s all for him, since the party was for people in my program and their dates. i forgot to emphasize more earlier but he is adorable. literally golden retriever type boy 😭

as for the neuro guy, he’s the one that’s literally stunning. i cant explain but so you have an idea i told another friend in my program today when i saw him in line and she literally said “he looks cute from the back” HE DOES. his face is perfect and he’s super super handsome. he’s really smart and i fucking love it when he talks in class cause his voice is sooooo deep and soothing and nice and i get so upset when he’s sick and doesn’t go to class it’s happened like twice already and it’s so annoying help 😭 anyway he used to tell me nice things sometimes and i went the opposite direction an embarrassing amount of times so i could talk to him a bit longer while we walked 🙃 anyway i feel like we haven’t spoken in so long and i feel very…. distant. but i literally catch him staring at me in class idk if im delusional but sometimes it seems like he might like me a little but it’s weird because he’s kind of reserved but also super popular im so confused regarding him. but what felt so nice was that when he saw me today he waved and smiled soooo beautifully i almost 🫠 we were in that aforementioned line though (I HATE THAT LINE 🎤) so i don’t know if he saw my dress i hope he did so many people liked it i hope he liked it too im ??/!/?/? i wish i could have talked to him…..

as for the last guy he just kinda proved to me it’s a waste of time lmao. he is really really cute on paper seems like everything i want but naur so bye to him because I KID YOU NOT this man spoke to everyone but me and he had drunk girls hanging off him all night this girl literally fell to the floor and he had to keep lifting her and it was just weird to see idk i am not about that so if that’s what he likes to do i am not going to butt in he can have these types of friends lmao but something tells me it’s not really my scene so 😭 but yeah. it’s nice he helped his friend but it rubs me the wrong way when someone is close with hundreds of drunk women sorry not sorry ?

the best part was definitely the neuro guy smiling at me. he looked so handsome. i hope i can get closer to him. we are so different but maybe. idk. i don’t want a boyfriend but it does give my life excitement. Heheh tee hee hee

i uh. i need some help with something.

quick warning for a vent/advice seeking post about homophobic family members.

so, i’ve known for a while that in particular, my cousin is fairly right winged in his political beliefs. i didn’t know HOW far, and because we don’t spend much time together, i’ve been trying to convince myself that i was exaggerating about just how right-leaning he was because it wasn’t a fair evaluation when i only see him once or twice a year.

but i’ve spent the past four days with him, and kinda settled into the fact that hey, he’s a pretty chill dude, who hasn’t said anything bad when we’ve discussed roe v wade being overturned, so i’ve gotten a little more comfortable.

and then this is where i fuck up.

we’re talking about stranger things theories. i mention byler. he goes off on a mini rant about how, while will is obviously gay, it wouldn’t make any sense to suddenly make mike gay, because we haven’t seen any signs that he was gay in the show, and that it would be out of nowhere and bad writing. i bring up the byler bible and the scene with el telling mike she loves him, and his obvious confusion. he immediately shuts me down, and i decide to just stop talking about it because it’s not worth the stress. i start to get uneasy, but i ignore it. it’s just because he’s a straight guy who hasn’t picked up the queercoding, and maybe he’s got some not so great opinions, but it doesn’t mean he’s downright homophobic- right?

later, i don’t remember how it came up, but he started talking about how the most common reason that people are gay is because they have a bad relationship with their family, and how gay men are gay because they don’t have a good father figure in their life and tend to be more feminine, and vice versa for lesbian women, and how being gay is a really common coping mechanism for people who come from ‘broken homes’ (his words, not mine).

i’m sitting there, absolutely shell shocked, trying not to leave my jaw hanging open, as he goes on and on about this, and my heart started beating so fast because i was preparing to say that ‘well i have a good relationship with my parents, and i’m not straight’, but he mentioned that it’s ‘oBvIoUsLy nOt aLwAyS tHe cAsE bUt iTs tHe mOsT cOmMoN rEaSoN pEoPlE aRe gAy’, so it wouldn’t even matter. multiple times, i tried to chime in to say ‘uh, dude. that’s not how being gay works.’ but he just kept shutting me down and telling me that he’s got a fairly good grasp of it.

and then, finally, he closed out with, and i quote: ‘i don’t know, because like, i mean i know this is a bad thing to say, but all the gay people i know are just kinda weird.’

holy. fucking. shit.

this guy has the audacity.

he’s the kind of person who would say ‘i’m not homophobic, i don’t hate gay people as long as they don’t rub it in my face’.

you know, i’ve prepared for this. i’ve thought out the scenarios, i’ve practiced my responses. i knew that he wouldn’t have good things to say about homosexuality as a concept, so i PRACTICED. mock arguments, notes pages with what i would do, thinking about it often. but nothing could have prepared me for what it was really like.

he had NOTHING. good to say about us.

i’ve lived in a bubble for so long, been around people who are 100% accepting, surrounded myself with people online who are also queer in one way or another. and i tried, so so hard, to prepare myself for this, because i knew it would happen eventually. but when the time finally came, i couldn’t do anything. i sat there, quiet, in total shock, because i didn’t know what to do.

i’m embarrassed of myself for not saying anything. i’m ashamed for not sticking up for myself. but i was just so scared- scared that he would tell people, scared that he would call me slurs, scared that he would take it bad, that i sat. there. in. near. silence.

i was so close to coming out, but the more he went on, the more i realized that he wouldn’t have a good reaction, and i wouldn’t be entirely safe- not in physical danger, but i can’t trust him anymore.

i don’t know what to do. i feel so lost, and i’m so scared. i don’t want to lose my family because of my sexuality- i’ve grown up with these people, i LOVE these people. the people i am out to have had good reactions, so, despite my fears, i tried so hard to convince myself that everyone would, because i wanted so badly to believe that none of my relationships to change simply because i’m queer and not fully a girl.

but this has hit me with the very real reality of the fact that not everyone will take it well. my cousin won’t take it well. my extended family may not take it well. and i’m so, so scared- because i know i can’t stay in the closet forever.

i’m terrified and i don’t know what to do.