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#also all i could think about while making this was 'would you still love me if i was a worm?' and yeah...
punkshort · 2 days
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i know who you are | 9. the end
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Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
Chapter Summary: Joel leaves overnight for a scouting mission. When he returns, you finally confess your feelings for him.
Chapter Warnings: language, amnesia, slow burn, dry humping, some dead bodies 'n stuff, fluff, feelings, smut (18+ MDNI), piv unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), soft!joel, guns?
WC: 9.1K
Series Masterlist
A/N: Two things. One: I don't have the slightest clue how memory loss works and if what I am about to detail in this chapter is even plausible but if television has taught me anything, nothing is impossible only extremely rare. Two: this is the final chapter and it makes me very sad. I wish I could have thought of more storylines to drag this out but at the end of the day, I feel good about how it all came together and I can't thank quite literally hundreds of you enough for reading this each week. It's kind of insane. So, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Also, if anyone wants to toss some one-shot/sequel ideas my way, I am all ears. Much love.
Two Weeks Later
"Joel," you whispered, your head tilted back into the couch cushion while his mouth greedily nipped and sucked at your neck. His hips were grinding lightly against your center and you knew if you didn't stop soon, you would be in trouble. "I think we should slow down."
"Mhmm," he mumbled in agreement, reluctantly pulling his hand from underneath your shirt.
"You're lucky it's still cold enough for me to wear a scarf," you murmured into his hair. He sighed against your neck, finally dragging his mouth away and sat up on the couch while yet another movie went unwatched on the TV.
"Can't seem to get enough of you," he said with a grin, his arm stretching over the back of the sofa. You rolled your eyes dramatically but smiled, pushing yourself up and fixing your shirt before looking at the TV. "Brad Pitt's in this?"
Joel tossed his head back and laughed heartily. "Think he's the main character," he told you, and you scowled at him but he could tell you weren't actually angry.
"Well maybe if you didn't distract me every time we try to watch a damn movie, I would know that."
The past two weeks had been downright perfect. Joel couldn't be any happier. Now that things had changed between you, he craved your touch constantly. Part of him wondered if it was his way of trying to make up for lost time because you weren't wrong: he couldn't keep his hands off you. He had no desire to leave the house or see anybody. All he wanted was to stay holed up with you doing absolutely everything and nothing. He shuddered to think how crazy he would become when you were finally ready to take things further. Tommy will have to drag him by the collar from your bed for his patrol shifts.
"What are you thinking about?" you asked him, leaning into his side and tucking your legs underneath you, only half listening to the movie.
"Patrol," he answered while the tips of his ears burned red from embarrassment, like you caught him doing something he shouldn't be doing. He was perfectly fine waiting as long as it took until you were ready, but it didn't stop him from fantasizing about it. And the fact that he already knew what you felt like, what you sounded like, what made you come undone, worked him up even more.
"How are you feeling about getting back out there?" you asked, tipping your head up to look at him. He didn't seem worried but it was hard to tell sometimes.
"Actually, there was somethin' I wanted to talk to you 'bout," he admitted. "And if you don't want me to do it, I won't. I put you through enough shit as it is-"
"Spit it out, Miller," you said, shifting out from under his arm.
"Now that the snow's melted, I wanna take a couple guys and scout the area for any trace of those raiders," he began, watching your face closely. "I won't go far, but..."
"But?" you pressed, raising an eyebrow.
"But I would be gone overnight. Just one night," he assured you quickly when he saw your face.
"Wouldn't the others have already noticed anything out of the ordinary on patrol?" you asked as anxiety began to squeeze your throat. "I don't understand why you need to go out there."
"'Cause I only trust myself to make sure we're safe," he explained. "If somethin' happened to anyone 'cause I led these assholes to our doorstep, I'd never forgive myself. D'you understand?"
You chewed on your lip and glanced down at your lap as you weighed your options. On one hand, you understood where he was coming from. And if no one else on patrol or guard had yet to see or find anything strange, then Joel would most likely not find anything, either. But on the other hand, just simply leaving Jackson was a risk. And even if Joel didn't find any other raiders, he wouldn't mean he would be safe from whoever or whatever else was out there.
Joel pinched your chin and gently tugged your lip from between your teeth, making you snap out of it.
"Can I go with you?"
Joel's face softened. "No, baby. You don't even remember how to shoot a gun. I can't risk it."
Of course, he was right. "Who would you take?"
He smiled and dropped his hand. "Tommy. Neil. George. Couple others offered, too, but I'm not sure how many we wanna bring. Don't wanna stick out like a sore thumb with ten horses out in the middle of the woods."
You relaxed a bit knowing he would be going with some of Jackson's most seasoned patrolmen.
"Okay," you agreed softly. His face lit up and he leaned forward.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," you sighed, looking over at the TV as the credits began to roll. He hooked a finger under your chin and dragged your eyes back onto him.
"Thank you," he whispered before pressing his lips firmly against yours, trying with all his might to pour every ounce of affection and adoration he had for you into the kiss. You giggled against his mouth as he tried to push you onto your back once again, but you playfully shoved his shoulder before breaking the kiss and scooting away.
"We told Ellie we'd meet her and Dina for dinner, remember?"
He groaned as if he were in physical pain and reached out for you but you quickly stood up, wagging a finger at him. He gazed up at you from the couch with his brown eyes all wide and gentle.
"I mean it, thank you. I don't know what I did to deserve you."
You blushed and bit your lip as you slowly walked backwards towards the stairs. "You can make it up to me one day."
Joel's gaze darkened and he dug his fingers into the couch cushion. "Just say the word, baby. Anytime. Anywhere."
You laughed and turned towards the steps. "Come on, we should get ready for dinner."
"In a minute," he said as you disappeared upstairs. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to will his raging hard on away before standing up and following you.
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You inhaled deeply, your body heavy with sleep as you struggled to focus on Joel's voice.
"Sweetheart, I'm leavin'."
With a groan, you rolled over and reached out for him blindly, your eyes still not fully adjusted to the beam of light shining in from the hallway.
He smiled and grabbed your hands, wrapping them around his neck. He felt your fingers dig into the back of his neck and shoulders as you feebly attempted to pull him towards you.
You asked him to wake you up before he left for his scouting mission, so he did as you requested but you were so warm and soft and supple under his touch that he was finding it impossible to leave.
Maybe you planned it that way.
"I'll be back late tomorrow. I love you," he whispered, pressing a kiss against your temple, taking an extra moment to savor it. When he pulled away, your fingers tightened around his neck and you lifted your chin, kissing him with an urgency he hadn't expected from your half-awake state.
"Come home to me, Joel," you mumbled, your eyes squinting at him through the darkness. He pulled an arm from around his neck and brought your knuckles to his lips.
"Promise."
It was so hard to leave but he kept reminding himself he was doing it to keep you safe. Regardless of what Tommy thought, something in his gut told him they hadn't seen the last of those raiders. He brought them into the mountains, and he was determined to be the one to finish it.
"I'm still surprised she let you do this," Tommy said a few hours into their travels. George was leading the group while he and Tommy brought up the rear. The forest was silent, save for the birds just beginning to wake in the branches above. After a long, painful winter, it was a relief to hear the first signs of spring.
"What'dya mean let me?" Joel scoffed, but when he locked eyes with Tommy, who was giving him a look that said he saw right through his bullshit, Joel grinned. "Yeah, alright, it took a little work but she understood."
Tommy nodded and went back to paying attention to their surroundings. They were officially in unguarded territory, the nearest patrol route now miles behind them. The trees had yet to fully bloom so it was still rather easy to see through the woods.
"I think you really freaked her out when you left," Tommy said, "she came runnin' to the house that mornin' in a panic. Thought she wouldn't let you leave her sight again after that."
Joel hummed and turned his head so his brother wouldn't see his smile. He didn't want to worry you, but every time he heard something like that, it reminded him how much you cared, even if you couldn't say it just yet.
"So, you two back to normal now or what?" Tommy pried. Joel shot him a look and he shrugged. "We got a long journey here. We can't talk to pass the time?"
"Yeah, mostly back to normal," Joel finally answered, shifting his weight in his saddle. He could already feel his lower back beginning to flare up. "Takin' things slow. Givin' her as much time as she needs."
Tommy nodded, reading between the lines. "Didn't look that slow the other night after dinner," he muttered under his breath, but Joel still heard him.
"She had a couple drinks, is all," he replied with a chuckle. He scratched his chin as he thought back to a few nights prior when you had draped your arms around his shoulders and your face buried against his neck for the better part of thirty minutes. It was late, all of the families had cleared out after dinner, leaving behind the adults to kick back and cut loose a bit. It reminded Joel of a time before the world went to hell. When he and Tommy would go to a bar on a Friday night, the smell of stale beer and cigarettes in the air while the patrons had to shout over a mediocre cover band playing Lynyrd Skynyrd. It was the first time in a long time he felt relaxed and at ease. He watched his brother and wife across the bar steal kisses around conversations with neighbors, grateful for a night out as Ellie had offered to babysit. He had you at his side, sipping whiskey and making a face before you switched to something else.
As the night dragged on, you got a little closer. Then your hand found his knee under the table and you tilted your head into his shoulder, quietly listening to him discuss the plan for the trip with George. He wrapped an arm around your waist but his focus was entirely on George, too concerned with the map he had spread out over the wooden table. George's wife finally came to collect him, telling him she was tired and he was too old to be trying to keep up with the younger men, shot for shot. She wasn't wrong by the way he stood up and stumbled a bit, leading him towards the door, leaving just the two of you at your table. Once you were alone, your arms snaked around his neck and you tugged him to your lips, your tongue greedily licking into his mouth, the heavy taste of whiskey and gin on your combined breath.
"You sure it was just the drinks? You don't think it had anythin' to do with Angie sittin' two tables over?"
Joel's face flushed and he cleared his throat. It shouldn't turn him on but he couldn't help it. He liked it when you were possessive over him.
"Didn't think it wise to ask," was all he said. Tommy chuckled.
The group made decent time. They had a grid in mind and they almost reached their desired destination by sundown. When morning came, the plan was they would make their way back towards Jackson and cover the northeast quadrant of the map.
As they set up camp for the night, deciding to forego a fire since the temperature was comfortable and they didn't want to risk giving away their location, Neil commented that they hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary so far.
"Not that I mind coming out here, Joel," he followed up quickly, "always a good idea to take precautions and all that."
Joel nodded and focused on spreading out his sleeping bag. "I appreciate you all comin'. Not sure if I say it enough, but I'm grateful."
Neil and George exchanged surprised looks at the unexpected appreciation.
They got an early start the next morning, and as the sun rose higher in the sky and more ground was covered, Joel began to wonder if maybe they would make it back to Jackson sooner than he thought. He really hoped they would. Even if it was just one day, he missed you. He hated sleeping without you. He hated waking up and not finding you curled up against him with your head resting on his chest or his arms wrapped about your waist, face buried against the back of your neck.
He was glancing around the forest, wondering what you were doing right at that very moment when he spotted something orange in the distance. His heart rate picked up and he whistled, catching the group's attention. He pointed through the trees and they all silently slid down from their horses. Checking their weapons, they fanned out and slowly made their way towards the scrap of fabric. As they got closer, Joel could see it was a knit cap stuck in a bush, fluttering in the wind. None of the men saw any other signs of life, each of them silently communicating with hand signals they were taught years ago.
Tommy heard shuffling and he held up his hand, bringing the group to an immediate stop. From his angle, Joel could see that the bush with the knit cap was right outside the opening of a small cave. The way the trees had grown around the rocks, it was impossible to notice it from a distance.
The perfect hiding spot.
He exchanged worried looks with Tommy before they crept closer, his rifle gripped tightly in both hands, ready for anything. The shuffling got louder and clearer and it became apparent that the noise was coming from right within the mouth of the cave. Catching Tommy's eye, he made sure to show him he was putting his rifle away in favor of his hunting knife. He always preferred a silent takedown over wasting ammunition, but just in case it went sideways, Tommy would be ready to cover him.
Joel situated himself next to the mouth of the cave while the other men, spread out amongst the trees, hid and waited. He reached down and grabbed a rock, throwing it about ten feet away to draw out whoever was hiding.
He didn't even need to see it to know what was waiting for him.
When the rock cracked against a tree trunk and he heard the telltale snarl of infected, he tightened his grip on his knife. The runner stumbled out of the cave with a shriek, jaw snapping angrily in the direction of the noise. Joel had run into his fair share of infected over the years. He knew the noise would have drawn the attention of any infected in the immediate vicinity, and when he only spotted one, he almost breathed a sigh of relief.
He took it down silently with a blade to the back of the head, then inspected the body. It looked fresh, the clothes mostly intact. The rest of the men joined him as they peered inside the cave, listening intently for any movement. When they heard none, they began to advance.
The cave wasn't very big but it was enough to house ten men. At least, that's the number of bodies they found, not a single trace of life left.
"Well, shit," Tommy muttered, kicking one of the mangled bodies with his boot. "Guess that hunch of yours was right."
It didn't exactly please Joel to know he was right, but at least it was the best possible scenario. The men were taken out by infected probably within the past week. He counted the bodies five times. Then recounted the backpacks and sleeping bags. Ten seemed to be the correct number. No one was missing, assuming the runner he had just killed was the only raider who had the misfortune of turning instead of dying right away.
They scavenged what they could from the dead bodies before trekking back to the horses.
"Keep your heads up. Don't mean there ain't anythin' else out here," Joel warned.
"The warmer weather must've thawed out some infected," Tommy mused next to him. Joel nodded.
"Probably should warn the others to keep their guard up the next few weeks," he replied. "Maybe add an extra body to the towers if we can."
Tommy nodded in agreement. The winters in the mountains were harsh but at least they saw a decrease in the undead.
"Now let's get the hell home," George said over his shoulder, the rest of the men mumbling in agreement. Joel ducked his chin to his chest to hide his relieved smile. Home.
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To say you were happy to see him return was an understatement. It was closer to ten at night when you finally heard his heavy footsteps on the front porch.
"Told'ya I'd come back," he chuckled when you wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tight.
"I know," you mumbled into his shirt. His heart swelled in his chest and he closed his eyes, breathing deep the smell of your shampoo. You both had a lot of work to do, essentially starting over and building a relationship from the ground up, but it was moments like those that made him believe everything was going to work out.
"Are you hungry?"
"Nah, just need a shower," he said, dropping his pack by the door and kicking off his boots.
"So I take it you didn't find anything?" you asked, trailing up the stairs behind him. He walked into your bedroom to grab a fresh set of boxers and sweatpants.
"Actually, we did," he began, and your heart plummeted. He saw the look on your face and quickly shook his head. "They were dead by the time we got there. 'Bout ten of 'em holed up in a cave. Infected got to 'em first."
"Oh, wow," you breathed, slowly sinking down onto the bed. "Well, at least you have peace of mind now, right?"
"Exactly," he said, giving you a quick kiss before heading into the bathroom. "Be out in a minute."
You heard the water turn on and you glanced over at the red flannel of Joel's that you slept in the night before. Even though it was clean, it still smelled like him. You glanced at the closed bathroom door and bit your lip, your heart fluttering in your chest as you thought things over. The morning he left, you wished you had told him but you were too sleepy and you wanted it to be more meaningful. Then, when you woke up and his side of the bed was ice cold, you felt the dread begin to creep up your spine. What if something happened and you never told him how you felt?
Well, nothing happened. He was home now. Safe and sound. There was no reason not to tell him.
You heard the water turn off and you jumped up to grab his flannel and scurried out of the bedroom, across the hall to the other bathroom, shutting the door.
Joel emerged a few minutes later with his wet hair slicked back wearing just a pair of sweatpants, per usual. He tossed his dirty clothes in the laundry basket and looked around. He noticed the closed door across the hall and assumed you were getting ready for bed so he slid between the sheets with a groan. He closed his eyes and took a moment to appreciate the mattress underneath him instead of the unforgiving forest floor before leaning over to grab his glasses and a book.
When you tiptoed back into the bedroom wearing only his flannel, he didn't notice at first. His focus was on the small print in front of him, blinking a few times and wondering if he needed stronger lenses when you cleared your throat. He glanced up and did a double take, his lips parting in shock when he saw his red flannel hugging your curves, the hem falling just below your ass.
You looked up at him and feigned surprise. "Oh, is this okay? I was cold-"
"Yes," he swallowed, immediately cutting you off, "it's okay."
You smiled and made a show of bending over to fix the sheets. Again, he swallowed tightly when he caught a glimpse of your black underwear and he felt his cock twitch. Before you turned around he made sure to be focused back on his book, although he was most definitely not absorbing any of the words on the page.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw you peel back the sheets and with a sigh, you tucked yourself in. You glanced over at him, admiring his strong side profile and the way his glasses perched on the tip of his nose.
"I missed you," you whispered, and he dragged his eyes from his book to look at you.
"I missed you, too."
You caught the way his eyes flicked down to your chest where you purposely left two buttons undone so you exposed a little bit of cleavage.
"What are you reading?" you asked, and he laughed through his nose.
"I've got no fuckin' idea."
In a flash, his book was discarded and you were in his lap, your mouth hungrily devouring his as he carefully removed his glasses and tossed them to the side. He wrapped both arms around you and held you close to his bare chest, his tongue licking past your teeth eagerly.
"You look so fuckin' good in my clothes," he growled, sounding as if it pained him before biting at your jaw.
"I wore your shirts the whole time you were gone," you admitted, rolling your head back and grinding down on his hips. You bit your lip when you felt how hard he was already. "Almost the whole week. I slept in your bed and-"
"Fuck," Joel groaned, grabbing your face with both hands and feverishly plunged his tongue into your mouth. You moaned and grabbed his shoulders, the intensity behind the kiss growing too hot. You could feel yourself tumbling, free-falling into the abyss with the unspoken words sitting heavy on your tongue, hoping Joel would be there to catch you.
"Wait," you gasped, pulling away, but only a little. Your forehead still rested against his as you both panted for air.
"I know, I'm sorry-" he was about to apologize for taking things too far when you cut him off.
"Do you remember all those months ago when I asked how I fell in love with you?"
Joel nodded. "Yeah."
"Do you remember what you said?"
He tilted his head back, lips parted as he gazed up at you, wondering why you were asking him those questions in that moment.
"Yeah," he replied slowly, "I said you're gonna have to wait to find out."
You bit your lip and with a shaky hand, you traced one of the wrinkles next to his eyes. "Well, I found out."
His chest stilled, breath caught in his throat as he processed your words. His eyes roamed over your face, hoping and praying he wasn't misunderstanding. When you saw him nervously swallow, you smiled.
"I love you, Joel."
His eyebrows pinched together and before you could see the tears welling up in his eyes, he pulled you down for another searing kiss. This time, he went slower. He savored every second, he memorized everything he possibly could about that moment because the way you made him feel hearing those words was unlike anything he ever experienced and he didn't want to take a single second for granted.
"I love you, too," he choked. He could feel you smile against his lips when he pressed his mouth against yours again. "Fuck, I love you so much," he mumbled, his hands falling to your hips, "I'd do anythin' for you."
Your mouth latched onto his throat and you dropped your hand between your bodies, your fingers lightly stroking him through his pants. And once again, you felt his muscles stiffen and freeze.
For a moment, the self-doubt crept in. What if he didn't want to? Was he too tired? Was he not ready? Then his hand covered your wrist and you watched as he slowly dragged your hand up and down, showing you what he liked. Encouraging you to continue. So you did.
His head tipped back against the headboard with a sigh and he squeezed his eyes shut, removing his hand and letting you take control. He wanted - no, needed - you to call the shots. You needed to take it as far as you wanted to take it.
When your fingers dipped below his waistband, he tensed.
When he finally felt your soft touch on his cock, he groaned.
It was better than he even remembered. His eyes were still closed as you worked him up and down, the arousal pooling between your legs the longer you spent just feeling him and not seeing him.
"I want you," you whispered in his ear, and his hips jolted as he whined against your shoulder. You wanted him.
When he opened his eyes, he looked absolutely wrecked. You could see that he was trying his best to hold back, trying his best to make sure you were comfortable, that you weren't feeling pressured, that you really wanted it.
But when you sweetly whispered please, Joel, he didn't hesitate. He flipped you onto your back and pulled hastily at the buttons of his flannel while he cemented his mouth against yours. Your hands drifted to his hair and back, pulling and scratching as you went while he finally flung open the shirt. He instantly latched his lips around your nipple, making you moan and arch your back underneath him.
"So beautiful," he mumbled against your chest. "Tell me again."
You smiled and peered down at him. "I love you."
He breathed a sigh of relief, his exhale fanning over your skin, making your nipples tighten. His rough hands slid down your stomach, thick fingers splayed wide, trying to touch as much of you as possible at once.
You could hear your heartbeat thrumming steadily in your ears when he dipped his fingers below the elastic of your underwear, a deafening sound that made it hard to focus but when he slid a finger slowly through your arousal, your senses suddenly sharpened. The house could have been on fire but you never would have known because all you could focus on was him.
He dragged his open mouth across your chest, teeth grazing over your collarbone, tongue flicking out and tasting you as he went. His lips puckered and sucked at your skin as he pet gently at your entrance, making you squirm with need and tug impatiently at his hair. When he pulled his hand out of your underwear, you made a frustrated little noise that made him smile. He popped his finger into his mouth and you watched, struggling to breathe, as his eyes fluttered closed and he moaned like he had just slipped into a warm bath after a hard day.
"God, I missed that," he whispered, and the look on his face made you actually believe him.
"Joel..." you breathed, plucking feebly at the waistband of his sweatpants.
"Lemme just make you come on my mouth first," and before you could respond, he was shimmying down between your legs and tugging off your panties. When you glanced down and saw how good it looked with his head between your legs, you relaxed and leaned back. How could you argue with that view?
"Oh," you sighed when his tongue first slid through your folds. You tipped your head back and closed your eyes, allowing your muscles to melt under his touch. His hands held your thighs open but he didn't need to bother. There was no possible way you would do anything to stop him. Not when he felt so good, taking his time and expertly lavishing your core with his tongue. And perhaps he was an expert. At least when it came to you, he had five years of experience to fall back on. He surely must have figured out what you liked in all that time.
Your breath was growing ragged and you could feel the heat creeping up your chest. He pressed the backs of your thighs, pushing your knees up towards your chest so he could devour every inch of you, eating messily at your cunt. You pulled your knees back and hooked your hands around each one, your thighs becoming too shaky to hold open with your own strength.
It was a combination of his lips wrapping around your clit and the deep groan that rumbled through his chest that made you come undone the first time. Instant relief flashed through your body and you released your knees, letting your legs fall limply onto the quilt while he eagerly cleaned you up with his tongue.
When he sensed it was too much, he began peppering kisses along your inner thighs, murmuring praise into your skin as he went. You opened your eyes and peered down at him, your breath getting caught in your throat at the sight. His mouth and beard were glistening with your slick, his own eyes remained shut as he mindlessly nipped and kissed your skin, but even from your angle you could see him rutting his hips into the mattress, looking for any amount of friction to relieve the ache.
You reached your arms out to him and he inched up but stopped at your stomach. He sighed and rested the side of his head against your belly, listening to your breath evening out as he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around your waist. It took you by surprise that he wasn't immediately jumping at the chance to chase his own release when it was clear just a moment before he was dying for it. You glanced down at him and smiled when you saw the look on his face, simply content with just holding and being close to you. Carding your fingers through his curls, you heard him hum before pressing a gentle kiss against your stomach.
It might have been that moment when you realized he was right. What you had was special and rare. You could feel it in your bones, the way a look or touch sent a jolt right through you. The way you felt drawn to him, even from the very first day of your accident, you could sense something in him. You had no idea at the time what it was, but you were beginning to understand now.
"Joel?" you whispered, worried he might have somehow fallen asleep. Then you felt it. The first hot teardrop hit your skin and your heart clenched. "C'mere," you said, tugging at his shoulders. Begrudgingly, he obeyed. And after his arms loosened and he unpeeled his wet face from your belly, you saw the anguish in his eyes. All watery and wide and guilt-ridden.
"I don't deserve you," he said softly, his voice breaking a bit as you cupped his jaw. "Never did and definitely don't now. Not after everything I've done. Don't deserve your forgiveness, let alone your love."
You shushed him and pressed your lips tenderly against his, your thumb wiping away his tears as they fell.
"Don't tell me who I can and cannot love," you said, taking his chin in your hand and giving it a firm shake, like you were punishing him. He chuckled thickly through the tears.
You pulled him down by the back of his neck and kissed him slower, your tongue just barely dipping into his mouth. He groaned when you began to plant wet kisses along his jaw and you noticed with pride that his chest was rising and falling faster than usual while his hips ground into yours.
"Love you s'much," he almost sounded drunk, the feel of your mouth over his skin clouding his mind and mushing his words together.
"Yeah?" you asked before sucking a bruise where his jaw met his throat. "Then show me."
Joel kicked off his sweatpants and boxers with a grunt but when you went to remove his flannel from around your shoulders, he stopped you.
"Leave it on."
Your cheeks flared with heat at the way he looked at you and all you could do was nod and bite your lip.
It felt like time stood still when you first felt him enter you. Like nothing else in the world mattered outside of those four walls. He held your gaze and your fingers dug into his back, each of you savoring the stretch with your mouths hung open, the only sound was the occasional sharp little breath or gasp from one or both of you.
You could see it in his face again and you had a feeling you mirrored his look. It was too intense. Too overwhelming. So much had happened that led up to that moment: all the fear, sadness, laughter, arguments, long talks and shared traumas came crashing down at once. A tear slid down your cheek right when his hips came flush with yours and he leaned down to kiss it away.
"You okay?"
You nodded and wiped another tear away with the back of your hand.
"It's just a lot, y'know?" you sniffled, hoping he understood. And he did.
His eyes glistened and he smiled, his fingers brushing away a few stray pieces of hair from your face. "I know. We've come a long way."
"Yeah," you whispered, blinking back more tears. Your fingertips traced his bottom lip, your eyes flickering around his face, taking in every little crease and dimple. "Kiss me."
He did as you asked, kissing you slow and deep, matching pace with his hips. Your fingers dug into his arms, holding onto him, keeping him close. His hand pushed his flannel back, exposing one of your shoulders while your head tilted back into the pillows, momentarily breaking away for air. You moaned softly when he began to grind his hips against you, providing your clit with some much needed stimulation while he dragged his mouth down the column of your throat and across your collarbone. When he sunk his teeth gently into your shoulder, he felt you clench around him and gasp.
How's that feel?
Do that again.
Tell me you love me.
I love you.
Those sweet, desperate whispers were shared, breathed into each other's mouths, every word dragged out, every touch deliberate and slow. Neither of you in the mood to rush a thing as your fingers tightly laced together next to your head.
His other hand skirted around your back and under his shirt, palm pressing against your spine, pulling you closer to him, if it was even possible. He flexed his hips and you groaned when the tip of his cock hit a spot that had your entire body buzzing.
"Right there," you whimpered into his neck, brows pinched together and stomach tightening as you concentrated on the fire being stoked deep within you. Every one of his powerful thrusts was adding fuel to the flames. Your skin was slick with sweat and you began to regret keeping his flannel on.
"I know, baby. I remember," he whispered, tightening his grip on you. "Fuck, y'feel so good, I can't-"
"Don't stop! Please, Joel, more," you begged, tears welling up and spilling down your cheeks the closer and closer he pushed you to the edge. Your thighs tensed around his waist and his lips kissed the tears away and when you came, crying his name into his skin, he soothed you. He told you how much he loved you, how much he missed being so close to you, reminded you he was right there, that he had you and everything was okay.
Moments later, you felt his body tremble and his hips stutter. In a haze, you loosened your legs from around his waist. His lips captured yours frantically, fast puffs of exhale fanning over your cheek as he got more and more lost in chasing his climax. Your shaking fingers reached up to get tangled in his hair, ensuring his mouth remained firmly planted against your lips, muffling his groans and garbled versions of your name and I love yous, swallowing everything down until he yanked his hips away, spilling himself all over your stomach.
You both broke the kiss and looked down between your bodies, watching as each weak thrust painted your skin with more and more of his release until he finally stilled and shuddered.
After he finally forced himself to stand, he cleaned you up and slipped back into bed, one of his legs sticking out from underneath the covers, still slightly panting for air. You curled into his side, his arm wrapped around you, pulling you snug against him, his nose getting buried in your hair as you listened to each other's breaths even out. You quietly told him about a wound you stitched up at work all by yourself the day before and he told you how proud he was of you. You listened to him tell you a little more about his trip, how relieved he felt now that he confirmed with his own eyes Jackson was safe. At least, for the time being.
The last thing you remembered was him telling you how much he hated sleeping on the ground and how much he missed you while his knuckles soothingly dragged over your stomach but all you could think about was the warm glow that radiated from your skin and the delicious soreness between your legs as you drifted off to sleep.
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The next morning, you heard birds singing outside your window. You smiled before you even opened your eyes. Spring was coming. You always loved spring. Something about it made you hopeful and calm, and that morning was no exception.
You awoke still wrapped in his arms and his flannel, your cheek pressed against his bare chest, one of your legs slotted between his, enjoying the peace and quiet the morning brought.
"I thought you died," you admitted quietly once he woke, your fingertips tracing over the scar above his hip. "When you didn't come back that day, I was so worried. So scared my last words to you were something cruel and hurtful."
He hummed and said, "Oh darlin', I'm so sorry," then kissed the top of your head.
"Don't be. In a way, it helped me realize how much I care about you," you replied, lifting your chin from his chest to glance up at him. He always looked way too handsome in the morning. It was hardly fair. "Made me realize I couldn't live without you."
He grinned and rolled his shoulder, stretching out his sore muscles. "Well, if that's all it took, why didn't you say somethin' sooner?"
You giggled and looked back down at his scar, the smile slowly slipping from your face the longer you looked at the pale jagged edges marring his bronzed skin. "God, that day you didn't come back, though," you continued, your brow furrowed as you thought, "I had the worst pit in my stomach. Almost like I knew something was wrong, you know?"
He nodded and closed his eyes, letting you talk, completely at ease listening to your voice.
"It probably didn't help I had woken up that morning from the worst fucking nightmare."
"What nightmare?" he asked sleepily.
You chuckled when you thought about it.
"It's not really funny," you explained, rolling off of him and onto your back, pulling his flannel closed as you moved. "It had started out just like this, actually. It was morning, we were in bed and we were talking... about death?" you said the last part as if it were a question. "I was asking you if you believed in heaven and I told you I was afraid we were going to hell." His eyes snapped open and he quickly rolled his head to look at you, waiting for you to continue. You laughed again and shrugged. "I guess it felt like a premonition or something. Really freaked me out, it felt so real."
"What else?" he asked excitedly, sitting up. You looked up at him and cocked your head to the side.
"What do you mean?"
"What else do you remember? From the nightmare?"
"Oh," you said, pushing yourself up so you were also sitting. You stared at the wall blankly as you thought about it. "You told me we aren't bad people, and even though I told you we had done bad things, I believed you. Then..." you felt your cheeks flush and he sat forward eagerly.
"Then what?" he urged, and when you looked at him again, any trace of playfulness was gone.
"Then... it got a little dirty but I woke up before anything happened. But I do remember you were on top of me and you said-"
"This is heaven right here?" he finished for you, and you looked at him in surprise.
"Yes! How did-"
"That was no nightmare, honey. That happened," he told you, his voice rising. He thought his heart was going to explode, it was racing so fast.
"What?" you whispered, but Joel was already jumping out of bed and tugging on his boxers.
"C'mon, get up! We gotta take you to see Nick!"
"Wait," you said, buttoning up his flannel as he flew around the room, grabbing new clothes for you both. "Joel, this was a month ago, what will going to see Nick do?"
"I-I-I don't know! But we gotta tell him. Maybe there's somethin' we can do if we know you're capable of -"
"Joel, sit down," you said, cutting him off. He froze, having just tugged on a shirt but his jeans were still left unzipped and unbuttoned. You stared at him until he took the few steps towards the bed and sat down on the edge. "I'll talk to Nick next time I'm at work, but I don't want to barge in there and take up his time. You know this is out of his area of expertise."
He looked disappointed but he knew you were right because he finally nodded in agreement and bit the inside of his cheek while he stared at the floor. You put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, drawing his attention back onto you.
"It doesn't matter, anyway," you said softly. "If my memories come back, then they come back. If they don't, they don't. All that matters is this... right?" you asked, inching closer to him and resting a hand on his thigh. He smiled and enveloped your hand in his.
"Yeah, you're right," he said, staring down at your conjoined hands for a moment. "You wanna go get some breakfast? Maybe talk 'bout it a bit more?"
"Sure," you replied, then leaned forward, kissing him tenderly before standing up. "I should probably shower, though. Last night got a little messy," you said, tossing him a wink over your shoulder. He smirked and watched your ass sway back and forth in his fucking clothes as you made your way to the bathroom. You turned around in the doorway, one hand on the knob, the other braced against the frame as you looked at him expectantly from across the room. "Aren't you coming?"
All the blood rushed directly between his legs and just like that, his excitement for you recalling a memory was replaced by a very different kind of excitement.
"Hell, yes," he said, standing up and shucking off his shirt as he followed you into the bathroom. He grabbed your face with both hands and crashed his mouth against yours, kicking the door shut behind him.
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Three Months Later
"Can't believe I'm the one teachin' you how to shoot," Joel muttered in disbelief as you walked back from the line of trees where he had hammered a paper target into one of the trunks. "You were always a better shot than me. Almost better than Tommy, and he was in the goddamn Army."
You laughed and shook your head, still finding it difficult to believe that you ever shot a gun before. From what you remember, you were always afraid of guns growing up.
"Maybe I'm a natural, then."
Enough time had passed and the weather had gotten warm enough where you decided it would be beneficial to re-learn how to shoot. You didn't plan on going back to patrol, but in the world you lived in, it was an important skill to have.
You sat down next to Joel on the fallen tree trunk in the middle of a small field about two miles away from Jackson. He picked up each one of his guns and inspected them, making sure they were clean so there wouldn't be much kickback.
"Have any dreams lately?"
You sighed and shook your head. "Just the one about Ellie, and that was over a month ago."
When you woke up one morning from a dream that felt all too real, you shook Joel awake to tell him about it. It was a simple dream, but it felt intense. You had dreamed Ellie sat you and Joel down at the kitchen table, and full of nerves, explained that she was seeing someone. Someone she cared about deeply. You seemed to catch on quicker than Joel because the conversation lead to where Ellie had to point blank explain to him that she was dating another girl. He seemed surprised but not overly shocked, and when he shrugged it off and still maintained that his only concern was her partner treating her right, her face broke out into a huge smile.
After he confirmed it was a memory, you agreed to see Nick. He didn't end up having much insight on what spurred your sudden recollection that day, just as you expected. But much to your surprise, Joel was perfectly calm. In fact, he made a point of thanking Nick and you even saw him smile at the other man.
And it wasn't just Nick you noticed his demeanor changing toward, either. When kids playing in the street bumped into him, he laughed and waved them off. When Jesse proposed to his girlfriend, Joel was one of the first in line to give him a hearty handshake and wished them well.
You weren't sure if his behavior changed because you were so revolted by it in the beginning, or if he was just happier in general, but you didn't complain.
"Alright, so which one d'you think we're gonna use from this distance?" he asked after he showed you his revolver and then his rifle, explaining the difference between each: how they handled, when to use them, when not to use them, and then finally, how to load and unload them.
You gave him a blank look. "The rifle, Joel. I'm not a complete idiot. I've seen movies."
He grinned and holstered his revolver.
"Good girl. Beauty and brains," he said, and you rolled your eyes.
"Don't start."
"What?" he asked innocently.
"Don't start flirting with me. You'll distract me and I want to take this seriously."
"I ain't flirtin' with you."
"Yes, you are!"
He laughed heartily at your frustrated little pout. "Can you blame me? You're so goddamn cute."
"Joel..." you whined, and he held up both hands in defeat before picking up the rifle.
"Alright, alright. Lemme shoot off a few rounds and you watch my form, okay? Watch my shoulders and where my hands go."
"Okay."
You observed him as he took aim at the target, nearly hitting the bullseye but not quite.
"You wanna give it a shot?"
"Pun intended?"
He grinned and held out the rifle, so you grabbed it and sunk down to one knee, resting your elbows on the tree trunk as you tried to imitate his posture.
"Like this?"
"Mhm," he said, "now take a deep breath and squeeze the trigger nice 'n slow."
Doing as you were told, you inhaled and blinked a few times, making sure your vision was clear and your eye was on the prize. Pursing your lips, you slowly exhaled and squeezed the trigger - only to miss hitting the target entirely.
"Shit," you grumbled, sitting back on your heels.
"You got spooked by the kickback," Joel said, "try again, but this time try not to flinch."
You shouldered the rifle and took aim, once again taking a deep breath and focusing on the little yellow circle in the middle of the target. When you fired off your second round, doing your best not to flinch, you clipped the edge of the paper, but you were no where near the center.
"Goddamnit!" you yelled angrily. Joel chuckled and crouched behind you.
"Here. Lemme help you."
He wrapped his arms around yours and pressed his chest against your back, his hands coming to rest on top of yours as he made some minuscule adjustments to your posture.
"Y'gotta be gentle, see?" he whispered in your ear. Your eyelids fluttered but you managed to nod. "Gotta be patient. Don't let her scare you. Think of her as an extension of you. Like another arm."
"Her?" you teased.
He chuckled, his breath puffing against the back of your neck. "Yeah. Her. I'm respectful and careful with all my girls."
"All?" you repeated, leaning into him a bit. "How many are there?"
"Oh, tons," he said, making you giggle. "But if it makes you feel any better, you're my favorite."
"A favorite over a bunch of guns? I'm so flattered."
"Hey, now. Didn't you just say you wanted to take this seriously? C'mon, focus up," and you knew he was right so you straightened up and pressed your eye against the scope once again.
Joel stayed behind you, his hands on your shoulders to help stabilize your upper body as you squeezed off shot after shot. His advice helped a little, you were at least hitting the paper, but you weren't getting anywhere near his shots from earlier. He could see you were growing frustrated so when you ran out of bullets, he took the rifle and told you to take a break while he reloaded.
"It's okay, darlin'. It's gonna take a bit to get used to it."
You sighed and slumped forward on the tree trunk. "Yeah, I guess," you mumbled.
For the next twenty minutes, Joel coached you while you struggled to remember all his advice at once. Keep your shoulders loose. Don't flinch. Follow through. Breathe. When you pulled the last round into the chamber and took aim, you expected it to go like all the others so you stopped worrying about it and just pulled the trigger.
"Holy shit, you did it!" Joel exclaimed excitedly. You hadn't even bothered to look, so you quickly brought the scope back up to your face. When you saw the small little circle burning a hole through the paper, nearly dead center, you squealed and quickly placed the rifle against the tree so you could jump into Joel's arms. He wrapped his arms around your ribs and spun you around while you giggled into his neck.
"Told you," he said with a wide grin after he put you back down. You grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him into you, crashing your lips together, taking him by surprise. He stumbled forward but wrapped a hand around the back of your neck just as you lost your own footing and fell onto the grass, dragging him down with you.
You laughed against his mouth, still peppering kisses all over his face. He braced both arms on either side of you, elbows digging into the warm grass, smile permanently stretching across his cheeks as he soaked up your affection.
When your laughter died down, you pulled away to gaze up at him, your fingers playing with the dark curls at the base of his neck. The sun was shining over the field and onto his tanned skin, making his sparkling brown eyes look like the color of gold. It took your breath away.
"You're so handsome," you whispered in awe, your fingers leaving his hair in favor of stroking the graying stubble dusting his cheeks. He blushed and shook his head, but before he could protest, you spoke again. "I love you so much, Joel. Sometimes it makes me sad to think we probably wouldn't have ever known each other if the world didn't end."
His eyes softened and he gave you a small smile, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. "I'll always find you. In every life, in every universe. You've got a piece of me," he tapped your chest lightly, "I don't make the rules."
You laughed and laced your fingers together with his. "Like fate?"
He shrugged. "Call it whatever you want. I already told you, sweetheart. We're meant to be together."
You pulled him down for another kiss, this one more gentle. More loving. More intimate. For the hundredth time, you mentally berated yourself for wasting so much time after your accident when you could have been with him like this, being loved and adored and cherished all along. Instead, you both had been searching endlessly for some version of yourself that you weren't sure you would ever find again. But then you realized if you never did, that was okay. Because you got to fall in love with each other all over again, and how many people get to say that?
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sugojosgf · 2 days
Text
jealous nanami
highly suggestive + masochism + jealousy
🍓 i might write a second part if you guys want, let me know tho :3
nanami and you have been going out for a few months, and you don't think you've ever been as happy as you are right now. nanami is everything you can ask for, he buys you anything you look at, kisses you like his life depends on it and loves you like you are his religion.
but he also gets so jealous very easily,,,
it's not that he doesn't trust you, not that he thinks you are the kind to stray, he just hates how people look at you, like you are theirs...
it was an office event, and of course nanami invited you as his plus one. making sure he got you the prettiest red dress ever, the way it hugged your body, had him so fucking hard. it was quite modest, the only skin revealed was your legs,,, but anything on you, or nothing on you (doesn't really matter) was enough to make him rock hard in his tailored pants.
"oooh- is this nanami's pretty girlfriend?" a man sauntered up to the both of you, dressed in an expensive white suit to match his hair.
you recognised him, how could you not? this was the very same coworker that nanami would complain to you about during dinner.
"gojo," his voice comes out a little strained, "yes, this is my girlfriend, you might recognise her of course, she interned in our company a while ago,,," kento answers, hand on your waist pulling you closer.
"awww, isn't she absolutely gorgeous, can't believe nanami got his hands on you before me." he giggles, eyes glimmering with a mischievous glint.
"i'm lucky she decided to go out with me,," nanami forces a smile, his grip on your waist becoming tighter.
you gasp and giggle, "nooo,, im the lucky one, kento is so kind to me," you say looking fondly at him.
you continue, "oh and thank you so much gojo! you look really good too,,," you return the compliment.
suddenly someone calls out to nanami, a fellow coworker and he gets whisked away leaving you all alone with gojo. he smiles like a cheshire cat, the gears in his brain working harder. he looks at nanami from where he is, making steady eye contact as he begins to talk to you.
he tells you about how nanami was actually his junior in high school and how he was really into the emo subculture then, recounting stories of young nanami that made you laugh until there were tears in your eyes. he fishes his phone out to show you a picture, teen nanami brooding and scrawny, hair swept to the side.
of course to you, you were just talking to gojo about your shared love for nanami. but to him, the one way out of earshot to understand the context of your giggling, the green fire of jealousy made its way to his heart.
he slowly makes his way over to you, pulling you away from gojo and hands travelling to your hip. you were still laughing, too far gone to notice the expression on his face.
"what's got you so giggly? hm?" he asks, fingers pinching your thigh. it's not really painful , almost like an ant biting. but you are the kind to bruise easily, red blooming the minute his fingers pull apart.
you are immediately pulled out of your laughing fit, eyes blown wide looking up to nanami. it's almost like he had conditioned you, a little touch to your pretty thighs and you were ready to cum in your little thong.
"o-oh! gojo was just showing me pictures..." you mumble, embarrassed by the heated stare nanami was giving you. you felt so small under his gaze. your tongue comes out to wet your lips, to ease the way your throat has dried up.
gojo stands still in front of the both of you, smirking as he sees the tension build. he knew very well what he was doing. rolling his eyes and happy that once again he managed to piss nanami off, he walks away to the bar.
"i think it's high time we go home,, you look needy." nanami rasps out, the hand on your thigh travelling upto your ass and staying there. you nod, words unable to string themselves together.
nanami sighs, eyes darkening and his smile dropping as he guides you towards the exit.
"when we are home, i'm going to teach you to use your words."
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ambermeh · 2 days
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Chris Sturniolo Firsts
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⋆ His first crush: does not really know how to act around you and will become the most nervous and giggling person ever. This man will just want to talk to you. Especially if you two are friends and he has feelings. 'why don't you come over, i'll get the food' 'chris it's two in the morning'
⋆ He will drop subtle hints and play it off as joke because he doesn't want you to know or him to have to tell you 'outfit looks good ma might have to fight the other guys for you' 'shut up chris, what are you even talking about?'
⋆ As much as he pretends to be a player around you or jokes that all the girls love him, he cannot even look or think at a women in the same way after having a crush on you for a while. To the point you will be at a party somewhere and you will try and set him up with someone as a joke but he is dead serious and will act pissed off if you mention it. 'what's wrong I was just trying to help you find a girlfriend' 'yeah, well maybe I don't need help'
⋆ as you two are spending more an more time together you start having the same feelings and talk to Matt and Nick about it because they know Chris the best 'i think you should just go for it' 'i mean if chris says no he literally has lost his mind'
⋆His first relationship: when he finally builds up the courage to say it I think he would make a whole romantic surprise. For example, you get back from a week long holiday and he realises how much he actually likes you and so makes you find these clues etc and will be waiting for you at the end with a bunch of flowers. (Nick and Matt were also made to help because he would be stressing about doing something wrong)
⋆ The dates would be the funniest thing ever because he will randomly think of things he wants to do and there is page on his notes of all the dates he wants to do with you
⋆ Even though he will act like he doesn't like the romantic shit that other people do he LOVES it
⋆ Want to bake cookies and eat them while watching a romcom, sure. Want to do skincare and put make up on him, 100%. and the TIKTOKS that he would post would be so cute because he is literally just in awe of you. Does anything that you want really.
⋆ Just wants to make sure he is still the funniest person ever in your eyes. I feel like he would randomly show you videos while you two are just cuddling just to make sure you find them funny and will text you at the most random time with a joke he thought of 'well you could always show me when i'm not trying to get to sleep' 'sorry it was too funny not to'
⋆ First pet: it would be a cat because even if he didn't love the idea at first he would slowly start to be persuaded by the tiktoks of cute and funny cats. The cat would have to be a ginger cat or black cat because I think he would want one that matched his energy. Gets it as a kitten and was all I'm not going to get too attached to the cat BUT when it starts cuddling him at night he will act like it's his child 'I'm gonna stay at home because I can't leave him alone thinking I've left' 'thought you said it was my cat'
⋆ First child: The sweetest Dad ever
⋆ Will want to play sports with them all the time and dress them in outfits 'y/n i'm gonna go out and play some basketball with the kids i'll be back soon love you!!!'
⋆ Records everything because he thinks they are too cute not to. (and sends them all to you) 'Say hello to mummy for me, look y/n she's walking'
⋆ is that Dad who no matter what supports their child, you will never hear Chris comparing them to any other child because he loves them for who they are
⋆ AND even if you two are tired with having kids Nick and Matt are more than up for having them over, while you and Chris just eat a meal or watch a movie together. The love that you two have for each other is even more now that you have a family. 'we are parents now, I'm so proud of us' 'I know and at least we are not one of those boring couples' 'how could we be? I'm hilarious and you are so beautiful and funny and smart and' 'Chris shut up' 'you're blushing ma'
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padfootagain · 2 days
Text
Only an Almost (VIII)
Chapter  8: Hopes and Disappointments
Hello!! Here is another chapter! I apologize for this (that's not true, I love breaking my own heart). Also special warning for this chapter, there is a sex scene (first few paragraphs). Not written as smut, but still pretty explicit so, no minors!
I hope you’ll like this chapter! Please, tell me what you think!
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Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader, friends with benefits AU
Warning: No explicit smut or nsfw content, but there are sexual themes and heavy make-out sessions (it’s a friends with benefits AU, I can’t really escape it), so 18+ only!
Summary: Andrew has been in love with you for years, and yet he has never confessed his feelings. But a night out celebrating the engagement of his best friend changes everything. However, you don't seem ready to be with him just yet. You make him an offer that he can't refuse... but will certainly regret.
Word Count : 2550
Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist
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It was in the way you held onto him. The way the two of you moved in perfect sync. The way you peppered his neck with kisses, the way you knew he adored. The way you tightened your hold on his hand, the one he held by the side of your head, against the sheets, as pleasure grew almost unbearable. It was in the way you whispered his name, warm breath burning against his ear and cheek while he pressed his lips to your skin. It sounded like a prayer, like a wish, like a loving chant. A whisper loud enough to cover the banging of his own heart against his eardrums, his staggering and heavy breathing, the creaking of the bed under your united bodies.
No one had ever said his name like that. It sounded different when you said it. Tasted different when he kissed your lips as they formed his vowels and consonants again. And he murmured your name as well, right there against your mouth, in a sigh, like it was the most sacred word he could ever speak, the most beautiful sound in the world, and it was… it was…
I love you…
He almost said it, but pleasure was overwhelming, and he moaned instead; the two sounds meant the same thing.
It was in the way you were so close to him, the way he felt like he could touch your soul like this. The way you worshipped each other’s bodies instead of simply touching. The way you stared right into his eyes, on the verge of the highest form of pleasure, and gently touched his cheek, like… like there was adoration in your eyes, the same he felt for you. And he watched as you became undone, as you broke into fragments of pleasure, his name on your lips shouted instead of whispered this time. He pressed his forehead to yours as he finally let himself follow you in ecstasy, and it felt like you cushioned his fall, how you held him even closer, clinging to him as he stuttered around the sound of your name…
It was in the way sex was simply better with you. Perhaps it was because he loved you. Feelings made the intimacy of sex so much more intense. But the way you rubbed his back now, soothing and gentle and loving…
Because of all these reasons and a thousand more, Andrew couldn’t convince himself that you didn’t care, that this was just about fucking, about getting a moment of pleasure with no sentimental strings attached to it. He finally opened his eyes again when you cradled his cheek, thumb gentle as it brushed through his beard.
If it were just about pleasure, why would you keep him close now? Why would you reach up to kiss his cheekbone, and then his eyelids, the gesture infinitely tender?
He kept on holding onto your hand, even if not as tightly. He knew you craved for that contact, for that anchor. His other hand slipped under your back to hold you closer, to hold you lovingly against him, and the gesture made you smile against his eyelashes.
I love you…
“God… that was so good, Andy,” you whispered with some awe on your face and in your content smile, like you couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. But to be fair, neither could he.
“Divine, I would say,” he corrected, making you giggle as you kissed his lips again.
“Can’t disagree with that,” you nodded, brushing your nose against his in the process, making him grin.
You touched and kissed and caressed for a while longer, before you would both take some time to clean up and get ready for a proper cuddle. The first few weeks, you didn’t linger for so long with him in bed after sex, but now you seemed to indulge in the comfort that came with being held like this, wearing little to no clothes, holding onto each other and saying sweet nothings into the other’s ear, and kissing… and sometimes going further than just kissing again…
Not tonight though. When Andrew walked out of the bathroom and back in the bedroom, your eyes were closed. You had stolen one of his old t-shirts, buried under his blanket, your expression peaceful as your breathing was audibly deeper than usual.
Andrew slipped quietly back in bed, trying not to wake you. Still, you blinked your eyes open as he was lying down.
“Sorry,” you mumbled, trying to sit up, but Andrew held you back.
“Hey, don’t be silly. You’re exhausted, get some sleep.”
“We said that we wouldn’t sleep together. I mean… actually sleep… you know what I mean.”
“Y/N, you’re knackered. Lay down and get some sleep. I don’t bite… unless that’s your thing?”
“I hate you.”
“I’ll take that for a no. Dully noted,” he joked, pushing his hair out of the way as he rested his head on his own pillow.
“I should go home.”
“You can’t drive, you’re too tired. And I’m too tired to drive you home, so just… stay. It’s alright. Nothing is going to happen if you stay the night. Most people do, even if it’s just a one-night stand.”
You remained quiet, and he knew your brain was working at full speed. He hated himself for his next question, but if it meant that you would stay, just this once…
“You want me to sleep on top of the covers?”
You rolled your eyes, but visibly relaxed.
“We’ve just had sex, I don’t fear for my modesty.”
“Then, stay. I’ll make you pancakes in the morning.”
“Tempting.”
“I know, I’m a grand cook.”
“Decent cook.”
“I’ll take it.”
His hold on your arm loosened, he tenderly caressed the soft skin right above your elbow, on the inside of your arm. You didn’t move away.
“I am very tired,” you whispered, as if trying to argue with yourself.
Andrew sat up as well, leaning in to kiss your shoulder through his own shirt.
“Stay, Y/N. Stay for the night. Please, stay… stay…”
I love you.
He almost said it.
“Okay,” you nodded, reaching out for him and pulling him down with you as you lied down once more.
He tucked you in, not daring to hold you, worried to make you uncomfortable and for you to run away again. Instead, you both laid on your sides, staring at each other in the silvery light that came in from the window. He caught your eyes falling to look at his chest, the skin made even paler under the moonlight, and he didn’t mind. Your gaze was gentle, safe. For once, he didn’t hide, let the covers rest on his hips instead of covering him fully. Meanwhile, he was admiring the silver droplets that were being caught on your eyelashes…
It was silent, still, a moment suspended in comfort and hesitation.
But then your expression grew a little more fragile, more hesitant, as you looked into his eyes again. Slowly, you moved closer, as a test, perhaps. Andrew didn’t hesitate a second, and he wrapped his long arms around you, holding you close to his chest. He felt your muscles relax under his touch, and you placed a peck against his heart as a reward.
“Please, keep holding me,” you whispered, your voice shaking. “Don’t let me go.”
“I won’t. I won’t,” he repeated as a promise.
You both fell asleep like this, holding each other close, your lips to his heart and his to your hair.
When he woke up the next morning, you were gone.
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“The wedding is in less than four months…”
“Daphne, please, breathe. Sam has enough anxiety for all of us, I can’t have you as worried as him.”
You plopped down on your seat next to Andrew, a brand-new cup of tea in your hands. Opposite you, Daphne and Sam were freaking out about their wedding.
“Guys, it’s in four months, we have plenty of time… There is no reason to panic.”
“We still haven’t decided what flavour we should have for the cake…”
“Stop, just stop, both of you.”
You grabbed the notebook that was set on the table and a pen, scribbling something.
“You are perfectly on time for everything. Do not worry. Oh, and I’ve booked your appointments for the wedding dress and the suit, as planned. Everything is fine.”
“Oh my God, I can’t wait!” Daphne squealed, suddenly more excited than nervous. “I’m going to buy a wedding dress…”
“What about the bachelor’s party, Andy?”
Daphne threw her fiancé a disapproving look.
“What? It’s a perfectly sound question!” Sam defended himself. “It’s tradition!”
“You’d better not do something too crazy.”
“What about you? You might do some crazy things for your last night as an unmarried woman!”
“I’ll get properly wasted with my friends and eat too much chips.”
“Sounds wonderful, honey,” Sam grinned at his excited fiancée.
“Also, I want a striptease.”
“Absolutely not,” you shook your head as Sam was choking on his tea and Andrew was exploding with laughter.
“I agree with Y/N!” Sam interjected after he could breathe again. “You aren’t getting a striptease!”
“Why not?”
“Because… that’s… objectifying bodies!”
Daphne grinned, humour and mischief shining in her eyes.
“You’re jealous!” she teased, making her fiancé scoff.
“I’m not!”
“Are too!”
“Have you seen me? Why would I worry about my fiancée seeing a six-pack-guy dancing some sexy dance when I can give you love-handles and walk on your feet?”
“I have no clue. The choice is easy to make,” Daphne answered with a grin that grew more tender right before she kissed him. “I was teasing you, you idiot. I’ll settle for getting very drunk.”
“My plan, exactly!”
“Okay, so… before you two start snogging and being disgustingly sweet…” you interrupted them, guiding the conversation back on track. “Andy takes care of the cake appointments. I call for the lodgings and the venue. You guys find out when your relatives arrive precisely, and you choose the caterer.”
“And I’ll call for the rings too, to book an appointment,” Andrew added, sipping on his tea.
You scribbled a few more words on your paper. Sam heaved a relieved sigh, letting himself fall back into his chair.
“Alright, if this is done… then Andy and I will go get food for lunch, while you ladies set up the table.”
“I’ve got to go…” you tried to protest, but your friends had other plans.
“No, you don’t. It’s Saturday, you are not working, and you’re staying for lunch. I’ve already called this Chinese place you like,” Daphne argued, and you had to yield, eventually.
Before Andrew stepped out of the house, he threw you one last glance; and you were looking at him too so he caught your gaze with his. You exchanged a fond smile, a silent sign of tenderness, before he would follow Sam as he walked out of the house towards his car while babbling away about this monster he had managed to beat in Zelda.
They had barely climbed in the car, Sam quickly turning on the engines, when he blurted out his question.
“So… now that we’re alone… tell me what’s going on with Y/N!”
Andrew couldn’t help but laugh.
“Is that the only reason why you asked me to come with you?”
“Obviously, did you really think I’d want to see your ugly face if it weren’t for the drama?”
“Keeping the artist around for the entertainment… makes sense!”
“Precisely! Now, spit it out!”
Andrew heaved a sigh, looked out the window to the moving houses and the blur of trees over a grey sky.
“Not much to say about it, I’m… lost.”
“So… you’re still doing this?”
“For now, yeah…”
“So, you didn’t follow my advice.”
“No, I haven’t yet.”
“And so, you’re going to get your heart broken…”
Andrew remained silent for a moment, his throat tightening to the point that he needed a moment to find his voice back. When the words tumbled out, his voice was deep and low, shaking.
“I reckon that’s already too late for that.”
He passed a hand across his face, rubbing at his eyes.
“I don’t need you to tell me that I shouldn’t have agreed in the first place, because I already know that. It’s just, I… I couldn’t help it. And I can’t let her go now. It’s just… it hurts too much…”
Sam remained silent for the rest of the ten-minutes drive. He didn’t unlock the doors after he parked the car though. Andrew stared at a couple walking hand-in-hand across the street, watched the grey sky and wondered if it would rain before he and Sam got back…
“Do you think she feels the same as you do?” Sam finally asked.
Andrew merely shrugged.
“I’m not sure. On one hand she doesn’t let me kiss her outside of a bedroom; on the other hand, the way she acts with me, I… I don’t know. I don’t know if she’s pushing me away because she’s scared, or because she doesn’t feel anything but physical attraction for me.”
“I see…”
“She’s just… just the way she is with me… she acts like she cares, like I’m not just some random guy she’s sleeping with. But then she has these rules that are making sure that we’re not having something… too intimate. You know what I mean? Like… pet names and stuff…”
“I see…”
The two men remained silent for a moment, before Sam asked quietly another question.
“Are you… are you two exclusive?”
“We’re not together,” Andrew shook his head.
“But have you slept with other women since this has begun?”
“No, of course not.”
“Are you planning on doing that?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Has she? Slept with other people?”
“God, I hope not… don’t make me think about that…”
“Sorry, sorry…”
Another silence, before Sam started to smile.
“Alright, I’ve got a plan!”
“Here comes trouble…”
“You need to finally know if she has feelings or if she’s… dragging you along.”
“What a revolutionary idea, I hadn’t thought of that one!”
Sam merely ignored Andrew’s sarcasm.
“My plan is simple: make her jealous.”
“What?”
“Make her jealous! You feign to be interested in another woman, and you’ll see how Y/N reacts! If she’s jealous, it means that she cares for you… beyond just having you around for sex. If she doesn’t give two shits about you banging someone else, then…”
Andrew took a moment to ponder this idea, and he slowly nodded.
“That’s… actually a rather good idea…”
“There’s a party next week with the whole gang, at the usual pub. Perfect moment to try it!”
“I…”
“All you have to do is flirt with a woman. Even you can manage that, Andy! Trust me, it’ll work.”
Slowly, Andrew nodded.
“Yeah… yeah, perhaps it could work.”
“And if she’s not jealous at all, if she really doesn’t feel the same… you have to bail out, now, mate. Cause she’s going to have you in pieces if you don’t take care of yourself first.”
Andrew nodded, and when Sam climbed out of the car, he followed him in silence, thinking about next week and contemplating how, for the first time in his life, he hoped he could bring you pain.
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matan4il · 2 days
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I’m muslim but I’m upset with the free Palestine movement especially as a woman. they are only making it worse for Muslim women subject to governments which are misusing the teachings of the Quran. they do not care even about Uyghur or Rohingya Muslims
I'm a day late, but I hope it's still okay to wish you Jumaat Mubaraka, lovely Nonnie! *hugs*
I feel you. A few years ago, I took a course and ended up becoming friends with the lady who happened to choose the seat next to me. She's a Muslim Israeli Arab woman. She had the audacity of divorcing her husband. She has a son who came out as gay, and she had the audacity to accept him as he is. Under Hamas or the Palestinian Authority's rule, she could be severely punished socially for either. Worse, her son would likely be terrified for his life, and might have ended up like one of my gay Palestinian friends, who have been forced into heterosexual marriages because the threat to their lives was so great. Instead, her son lives in Tel Aviv, is openly gay, and is an advocate for both the State of Israel and gay Israeli Arabs and Palestinians. She's an advocate for the State of Israel and Israeli Arab Muslim women. She gets to speak and be heard because she's an Israeli citizen. And it's not by chance that she is one. Her family made a choice in 1948, to stand by the Jews, rather than join the Arab attack on them. She once opened the Quran, showed me a specific surah, and told me, "This is why I know that as a Muslim, I must love the Jews, and stand by their state."
She has her own agency in choosing her position on the State of Israel, she has her well being, her son's, and that of many other Israeli Muslim Arab women and gay people to consider, and the anti-Israel crowd doesn't care about any of that. She's just an obstacle standing in the way of the narrative they've chosen, she shows reality is more complex than the black and white framing they embraced, which allows them to openly hate Jews while inflating their own egos, as if they're being righteous.
Not to mention coming up with ridiculous stuff like, "Palestinian men beat their wives because of the Israeli occupation!" This is honestly one of the dumbest things I've ever heard, only topped by "Israel is using cow/dolphin spies." But think of the practical implication. It means as long as Israel exists, no one's gonna hold Palestinian men accountable for the violence they're committing against their own wives. It's a betrayal of Palestinian women, all supposedly in the name of helping Palestinian nationalism.
youtube
(on top of the criticism voiced by UN Watch, it's insane how one of the speakers blaming domestic violence against Palestinian women on Israel is the UN representative of "Etat de Palestine," state of Palestine... What an easy way to avoid a state's duty to protect the women living under its rule from any and all violence, including domestic! If you're an independent state, and deserve recognition from the world, then you also have the responsibility to tackle domestic violence. If you're not independent, then why are you demanding to be recognized as such?)
And yes, the lack of care for actual Israeli Arabs and Palestinians is what I often talk about, but you're right that the damage caused by the anti-Israel crowd is bigger than just to Jews, Israeli Arabs, and Palestinians. Holding up an Islamist cause, backing up the Islamist movement and showing them how the west can be easily won, this will only serve to harm more people. Including Muslims who are more vulnerable to human rights abuses, like women and gay people.
In the vid above, as another example, the UN Watch speaker asks the UN to compare the data on domestic violence suffered by Palestinian women, to that suffered by Jordanian, Lebanese, Egyptian women and so on... Maybe if they couldn't use Israel as their punching bag, they'd have to look at domestic violence against women in the whole region, and actually do something about it. But nah, it's easier to write off Israel as the guilty party when it comes to Palestinian domestic violence, and pretend like that's the only place in the entire Middle East where this violence stands out as an issue. And that's before we talk about observing the levels of anti-women violence in non-Arab Muslim countries, such as Iran, where the government itself has imprisoned and even killed women for not wearing a hijab correctly. This is a betrayal of Muslim women at large.
And in addition to all that, like you said, this crowd also doesn't give a shit about the Muslims being persecuted in any conflict that doesn't allow the blame to be laid on the 'evil Jews.' Even when the numbers targeted are much greater, and the scope of abuse far more severe.
Thank you for the ask, and I hope you're okay! I hope the world cares more about Muslim women, rather than posturing as if it does, but only when it can be used against Jews. xoxox
(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)
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cheeseceli · 2 days
Text
Shut me up
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Pairing: Choi Soobin × Gn!reader
Genre: fic, fluff, friends to lovers
Prompt: "I know I talk too much, so honey come put your lips on mine and shut me up"
Warnings: the rest of txt make a slight cameo, soobin is a loser (affectionate)
A/n: thank you for requesting this with him because I was hoping someone would😭 enjoy! | Join the 1k event
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Yours and soobin's first kiss was... Kind of a hopeless mess.
It all started with a date you didn't even know was a date. Following his friend's advice, he invited you out. Just keep it casual, they will love it. That's what Yeonjun said.
Soobin wishes he could punch Yeonjun right now.
That's simply because you were both sitting side by side on a bench in the park, and you've just asked when the others were coming along.
"Probably soon, I think they might be stuck in traffic."
You nodded, thinking it probably made sense. But it actually didn't. Because no one was coming. Maybe keeping it so casual was a mistake, considering you thought it was so casual that it would be just a normal outing among friends. Not a date. Not that Soobin was stressing over it, of course not.
He just casually wants to punch Yeonjun.
But he also should kick Taehyun since it was his idea to come to a park this weekend. Saturdays are always great for dates, there's no better day than this one. Taehyun was a very smart guy and, since he told Soobin that the place and weather would be perfect, he was most likely right as always.
Except it started to rain.
You and your clothes, that made you look more ethereal than you already were, were getting wet. And so was your date friend. When you got up from the bench, Soobin swore he heard his heart get broken thinking about how you were going to bid your farewell. Happily, you just said "Let's go to some cafe, we can wait for them there".
You were way smarter than Taehyun, that's a fact.
Buy them something to drink. Now that was Hueningkai's advice. Soobin thought to himself for a second before complying; that one couldn't go wrong. He had the money - he made sure to avoid his wallet around the guys. He also knew your favourite drink by heart and the place was very nice. Okay, that one really couldn't go wrong.
"Go find us somewhere to sit, I'll have something for us to drink" he told you smiling, hoping to look confident and cool.
You smiled back at him. Oh my God that must've worked right?? Soobin was about to kiss kai for giving him the only right advice until now.
In his opinion, everything was going on pretty smoothly. They had your order there, it smelled good and it looked nice. For a second, Soobin thought he could really impress you, even if it's with a silly thing like that.
That is, until this random guy dropped his coffee in his shirt. Yeah, that really sucked.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" the person said. The coffee was kinda hot but not enough to hurt him, but sadly it was enough to ruin his shirt. Of course he had to wear a white shirt that day.
"It's okay, don't worry" The stranger even paid soobin's and yours coffee as an apology but he doesn't know if that made him feel better or worse about the whole situation. Sorry Kai, I couldn't pay for the drinks.
But once he sat down next to you, your eyes turned confused at the exact moment, and you didn't hesitate on taking some napkins to try and help soobin's shirt. A win is a win, he thinks when he feels your hands trying to dry his sleeve. His skin was getting hotter and redder. He hopes you assumed it was the hot coffee.
Don't forget to compliment them, Beomgyu said. Usually Soobin wouldn't hesitate on ignoring any possible advice his friend could give, but this one felt like the sanest thing he had said in a while. Maybe it was worth the risk.
He started to look at you, still focused on trying to clean his shirt. There were just so many things he could compliment. He loved the way your eyes would squint when you were paying attention to something. He loved how your skin felt delicate when you were touching him. He could spend hours talking about how your hair framed your face perfectly or how your voice was adorable. He also really liked your lips, a lot. If he could, he would kiss you right on the spot.
"What?"
"What?"
You were looking at him confused, like you were solving the hardest of puzzles in your head. But Soobin doesn't understand. He didn't do anything, nor said something that could make you have his reaction. He just...
His hand flew to his mouth, covering it and only showing his wide eyes in total horror. No way he said that. He couldn't have said that.
"Did you just say that..." you tried to formulate it without sounding weird, not that the situation itself wasn't already bad enough "that you wanted to kiss me?"
He laughed. Little giggles started to get past his lips, but it was extremely clear that it was a laugh filled with panic. How can someone screw things up so badly?
"No, no. I mean yeah I did but no! I shouldn't have said that, it was a mistake. Not that I didn't mean it, because I did, but in a sense that I shouldn't have said it, you know?" he looked at you trying to find a string of hope, any sign that he was on his way of fixing things, but damn he was so lost. "Like, I won't actually kiss you! I wanted to but then, no hold on. I wouldn't do it like this, in something like... You understand what I mean right?"
He doesn't know for how long he kept on speaking any random excuse he could think of. At some point, his panicked laugh got mixed with words and the only thing he could say were unintelligible sounds. You could almost see a little smoke getting out of his brain. He only came to a stop when you kissed the corner of his mouth, shutting him up immediately.
Did you just... kiss him?
You giggled lightly, probably at how awestruck he was right now. It wasn't even a kiss on his lips - unfortunately - but he felt like he could die a happy man at that moment.
"I can't believe I'll have to thank the boys for that."
"Weren't they tagging along?"
Oh.
"Now that's kind of a funny story..." You could see he was collecting his breath to start yapping again, but he stopped right when he saw you smile. Apparently, both your kiss and smile had the ability to stop his brain.
Suddenly he started to talk again, not knowing exactly what he was ranting about this time. His words probably weren't even coherent, but maybe you'd kiss him to shut him up once more.
Maybe this one kiss would land on his lips instead.
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Masterlist | you'll probably like: So Sweet
Thank you for reading 💛
Taglist (open!): @zzzzzwicked @yuyubeans
Credits for images 1 , 2 and 3
Dividers by @thecutestgrotto
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coco-loco-nut · 17 hours
Text
Peter
pairing: George Russel x Reader
summary: George broke his promise to you, never coming back
a/n: no Carmen hate, I couldn't bring myself to write another sad ending
requests open masterlist ttpd masterlist
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George Russell was everything to you. Your childhood best friend, first and only love, and first heartbreak. You used to follow him around like a lost puppy, him your fearless leader as you made up adventures. You look at the old cedar closet in your childhood bedroom, the one the two of you believed would lead to Narnia one day.
"Y/n, you okay?" your friend nudges you, noticing you not paying attention to the race. The two of you lay in your bed with snacks, as tradition dictates between you and her. Even after all these years, George still holds the place of your best friend, even after he's hurt you.
"Was it something I did? Why doesn't George call anymore?" you ask the question that has been on your mind for the past could years. Your mind travels back to the last time you saw him.
"Y/n, please don't cry, It's just goodbye for now, not forever," George says before leaving for another race. He just said that the two of you need to take a break while he focuses on his racing for the next couple months and you go to university.
"You'll come and find me?" you sniffle, not wanting him to leave, knowing the truth deep down.
"Of course, I promise, just have some growing up to do," George references your favorite book, wiping the tears from your eyes. You were just babes, barely 18.
"Cheer up, I got us tickets to Silverstone next weekend, my job even threw in paddock passes," your friend throws a piece of popcorn at you. She was there when you realized George wasn't coming back to you anytime soon. She made you promise not to let the lamp burn waiting up for him.
"Can't wait," your stomach churns at the thought of getting a glimpse of him and his new girlfriend. You will never admit that you stalked her socials and professional life. It always hurts more when people mention to you how well he's doing when you can't seem to move on.
As you enter the paddock with your overexcited friend, you can't help but let your thoughts be filled with George. Is he still a mind reader like he was for you? Did he still steal the scene in every room he walked in, always attracting your gaze?
"He looks good," your friend says saltily, in solidarity with you, as you look at the video of him playing on the video board.
"Life was always easier on him," you hum, shaking him from your mind. You scan the crowd, noticing the fellow Brit not far from you, but you don't realize he also notices you before his attention is brought back to his girlfriend. It's like you exist under the same moon but live in different galaxies now, a hurtful realization for both of you.
"Can we go explore another place, I don't want to hang here any longer," you don't need to provide any more explanation before your friend pulls you to another area, unknowingly causing the two of you to cross George's path. He says nothing, only staring at the both of you as you don't notice him. The last memory he has of you popping into his mind.
"It's just goodbye for now," George mutters under his breath, kicking himself mentally for unintentionally forgetting about his best friend.
"What was that, George?" Carmen asks, utterly confused.
"Nothing," he brushes the question off. I grew up, I can still find her. George toys with the thought before the guilt of thinking about you while he is with his girlfriend makes him stop. The guilt of the promise he never kept adds to the pit in his stomach.
"George, are you okay? There's something off about you today?" Lewis asks.
"I'm not sure," George says before telling Lewis all about you, the closet that you two thought led to Narnia, your first kiss, your first 'I love you', your last goodbye, and his broken promise.
"Sounds like you really messed up, so what are you going to do?" Lewis processes the story told to him by his teammate, vowing to look you up later.
"I don't know," George sighs, leaning back in his chair. He imagines you waiting at home after the racing season and your first year at Uni.
You never told your friend how you spent your first semester waiting for George, letting the lamp burn at night. You turned down countless guys asking for dates in the hope that you'd return, standing outside your dorm, ready to tell you all that he learned.
You will never say anything because you never lost the love, it just changes with your perspective. You learned from your broken heart. You stopped sitting by the window waiting for his return, realizing George was lost to the racing part of his life. His Instagram post of him not even 30 kilometers away from you partying with other drivers during your first year of Uni, captioned 'the Lost Boys' solidified that for you.
Now you both were 25, and you grew up. The shelf-life of those fantasies had expired long ago, and despite your heart wanting him, it was time for you to move on. You tried to hold onto those days when you had each other, but there is only so much oil in a lamp to burn, and it is time to turn out the light. As you turn it out, there is a knock on your door.
"Y/n?" George's voice calls out as your hand reaches the handle. You cautiously open the door.
"George?" You say, utterly confused. His heart sinks a little, expecting you to call him Georgie.
"I grew up, I'm sorry, but I'm here now, please forgive me," George pleads, and you invite him in.
"You broke your promise," is all you say as you sit in a chair across from him in your living room.
"I know, and I'm so sorry, seeing you at Silverstone reminded me how stupid I am," George says, moving closer to you. Your head snaps up.
"Silverstone? George that was months ago. I'm sorry, the woman who waited by the window turned out the light. You have a girlfriend now and after everything I don't think I can be just your friend," you say, trying to figure out why he's here.
"Had. I had a girlfriend. When I saw you all I could remember was that last conversation, and I realized I was trying to fill the hole in my heart where you were," George says and you stay silent for a moment, taking his words in.
"I don't think I could take another heartbreak like that," you whisper. George and Lewis social media stalked you and old friends. George noticed that you never moved on from him, staying single. When his mind wouldn't leave the idea of you, he very gently broke it off with Carmen. She deserved better than someone who was filling the spot of someone else. "You forgot about me," you accuse, even if it is the truth.
"I never will again, please, I finally finished growing up, I finally came to get you," his eyes fill with tears, putting the ball in your court.
"One week. You get one week to prove your case, I'll make up my mind from there," you relent slightly, keeping the ball in your court so you get the final say in what happens. No more promises that are oceans deep.
two endings
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lottesreads · 2 days
Text
Why Me? - Part 10
Pairing: Bob Floyd x Mitchell! Female Reader (Callsign Mantis)
Warnings: Forbidden relationship, ANGST, violence, nightmares, mentions of PTSD, mentions of child abuse, swearing, mentions of anxiety and panic attacks, smutty (smut-ish?) (horny thoughts, idk), mentions of drinking, Rooster being ok for once. (Let me know if I missed any, there's just a lot going on in this one)
Word Count: 13.5k (IM SO SORRY)
Summary: You're facing the consequences after Phoenix's party, knowing what you want isn't fair to you or Bob. After a bit of a setback, you go back to work more than ready to prove to yourself you are part of the squad for a reason. And it doesn't take long for you and Bob to realize avoiding each other isn't the right way to go about things.
A/N: An extra long part, just for you lovely bunch. I just want to personally thank each and everyone of you for sticking around! I am so sorry this took literally two months to get out, but ya girl was going through it man. I wrote and re-wrote this part so many times and I hope you all like it. Again, I love to hear what y'all think!
I should also mention I was listening to TTPD on repeat while writing, so do with that what you will.
Masterlist
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Despite the cool temperature seeping through the night air, your skin is unbelievably hot. From your head down to your toes you are burning up. Right as you think you have it under control and can go back inside to the party you’re reminded about what happened moments ago and the cycle starts from the beginning. Your tongue runs over your lips as you attempt to get your breathing under control again, but the taste of Bob lingers. What did you just do?
Bob is doing all he can right now. Which is simply sitting behind the steering wheel of his truck, staring at the dashboard with his heart in his throat. He just kissed you. Well technically, you kissed him first, but the second one… He started that one. Right after he told you what he promised himself he never would.
His forehead falls to the stitching of the leather wheel as he lets out a breath. It was like you appeared from his thoughts when you followed him out the back door. It took everything in him not to look at you because he knew if he did, he would have ended up telling you exactly what he did. And then you apologized. On behalf of some woman he wasn’t interested in, who was kinda mean to him. The embarrassment of his supposed “date” for the night making out with Rooster was shortly overthrown by your hands on his face, tugging him into what he would call the best part of his night, no- year- lifetime? Ugh. He takes his glasses off, rubbing the bridge of his nose. You’ve got him all messed up. Either way, it wasn’t a dream this time, and you told him you wanted to kiss him. You’re the one that initiated it! That must mean something, right?
He keeps running over what happened, trying to figure out where to pick up from where you two were interrupted. Ok, first he confesses his feelings, two, you kiss him. YOU kissed HIM. And you told him you wanted to, which is why three: he kissed you. Oh god, he kissed you, held you, and everything about it was… perfect. Your lips were so soft against his, you smelled like flowers and tasted like his favorite soda. But then, before you could do or say anything else, the back door was opening, and now he finds himself behind his steering wheel. Oh god, did he really just leave you there?
Placing his glasses back on his face, Bob stares out the window of his truck at Phoenix’s house. You were probably still out in the backyard, or maybe you went back inside after he abandoned you. Either way, there’s no way he can walk back inside and act like everything is normal. Not now, maybe not ever. His hand falls to his key in the ignition, and as slow as he can, he turns it, roaring the truck to life. Before he gets too far down the street, Bob takes one last look in his rearview mirror, the glow from the house getting dimmer the farther he drives away.
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It’s not long after you’re able to collect yourself to your utmost ability that you quietly creep back into the kitchen. The party is still in full swing in the living room, and Phoenix catches your eye as you head toward the front door without anyone else noticing. She slips away from Rachel for a quick second, heading in your direction.
“Are you heading out?”
“Yeah”, you reply apologetically. “Thanks for having me over.” Her eyes roam over your face, as yours dart toward your feet, hoping she won’t notice something’s off.
“Ok…”, she lets you go, “Thanks for coming over, it means a lot to us.” Her face gives you a shy smile, something you don’t see her sport a lot. It makes you forget about your own dealings for a moment and remember why you came over in the first place.
“I was happy to. Rachel’s a keeper.” 
“Oh don’t start getting all sappy with me”, she teases as she gently hits your shoulder. You’re halfway across the lawn when she calls out to you one last time. “And Mantis?”
“Yeah?”, you ask, turning toward her voice.
“If you see Bob will you just tell him I need to talk to him?” Your mouth goes dry, and you force a small smile to your face.
“Uh-huh”, it comes out a little more squeaky than you hoped, but she understands you nonetheless. She closes the door and you turn back to your car, face heating up once again.
Somehow you managed to drive home, AC on blast, trying to cool yourself down. Flashes of Bob’s rough hands being so gentle with you alight your senses, giving you butterflies. You can practically feel his lips on yours, the way he gripped your waist, ran his hand up your back, has you closing your eyes, somehow hoping you’d be able to feel it all again. You can’t help it as you walk to the front door, but the feeling of his lips chasing your own has your mouth shifting into the smallest smile. Everything is right with the world as you reminisce, but you know from experience that good things never last.
-----------------------
Your mind is hazy as Bob’s lips move in sync with your own. It’s comfortably warm as his hands trail down your sides, your own moving up into his hair. He stops, just for a second, and you’re able to look around at your surroundings. It’s your room, but it’s not yours. It’s the room in your mom’s house back in Ohio. It looks the same way it did the day you started packing. Like it’s been perfectly preserved in time. Only, Bob is here, and there’s a mysterious haze surrounding the two of you. That panicky feeling starts to rise as you notice each and every detail your mind had stored away long ago, you didn’t even remember how many picture frames you had on your dresser until this very moment. All four of them sit in their exact spots, each depicting a moment with your dad, Carole or Bradley.
Bob’s mouth makes its way back to your own, and you forget about where you are, allowing yourself to get lost in this dream. Each moment spent not focusing on Bob paints a clearer vision of the place you spent a majority of your life wishing you could escape. But right now, all you want to do is stay. Your feet lead the way to your twin bed, pushing Bob onto the pink covers as you straddle his lap. You so desperately need to know how it feels to have him in this position, but your mind, only knowing what it feels like to kiss him won’t allow you to fulfill your fantasy. You push harder, needing to feel him all over. He starts dragging his lips down your neck as you grip the back of his neck, trying as hard as you can to hold on to him in the only place you know you can. Where there isn’t an outside world telling you it’s against some rule to feel the way you do.
A car door slams shut, disrupting your flow. Your blood runs cold as you freeze in his hold. Your heart thrums in your chest as you sit quietly in his lap, waiting for the following sound of the front door. He continues to kiss up your neck, distracting you as you sit and wait. You flinch as the front door is forcefully closed. You’re vaguely aware of the ghosting of Bob’s hands, his lips, but you wince with each clack of a heel up the wood paneling of the stairs.
You know it’s not real. You know it deep down. But the sound is uncanny as the click of heels gets closer to your room, and now you can barely feel Bob anymore. As if this dream version of him can sense what you’re thinking, he turns your head as you collide your lips together. You can’t hear anything, feel anything other than Bob, and the recent memory of what it felt like to kiss him. The rest of the room is slowly wiped away as you and Bob part, choosing to just hold him instead. You can almost make out the beating of his own heart, as if he were real. The dresser, like a fog, slowly drifts away, the frames on it, the few posters on your wall, your desk. It’s as if you were never teleported back here in the first place.
Moving your head, you take a glance at Bob. You’re still perched in his lap as he gives you a gentle smile. A peaceness falls over you and this hazy version of him. You move to touch the freckle at the base of his hairline, only to feel nothing. That’s something you wish you could have done before now, so you could do it a million more times. You see his head move to kiss your wrist, but feel a breeze where his lips meet your skin. Leaning down, you softly connect your lips with his, at least you know what that feels like. But that only means you will torture yourself with the memory. It does its job now to soothe you into a calm state. For a few brief moments.
The doorknob twists as a large wind sweeps through the room, knocking the door into the wall. Your heart leaps out of your chest as your mother stands in the doorway, smoke practically fuming from her ears.
“YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!”, she screams. Your hands attempt to grasp on to Bob for dear life, but as you look down you’re only holding air. Bob is nowhere to be found. You squeeze your eyes as hard as you can, bringing your hands up to your face in an attempt to wake yourself. Rubbing as hard as you can so hopefully once you open them she’ll be gone. The all too familiar feeling of sharp nails and the pressure of your mother’s hands wrap around your wrists, forcing you to look into her borderline black eyes. You’re paralyzed in fear, shaking in her grasp as she squeezes tighter and tighter.
“DO YOU EVEN HEAR ME?”, she screams, tacking your name on at the end. First and middle, cursing a pang through your nervous system. A response you thought you had rid yourself of until this very moment. A hand moves to squeeze your cheeks together, stopping you if you even had the guts to say anything. It hurts. It hurts like it did when you were seven, when you were seventeen, and that’s what scares you the most. If this is still a dream, how can it hurt so much?
“YOU NEVER THINK!”, she screams in your face as you try to lean away. Her breath is the same, spearmint gum with an undertone of whatever wine she got into this time. You feel so weak in her hold as she pulls you closer. In a split second the pain from her grip is gone until her palm cracks against your cheek. Hard enough to have you falling off your bed. The palms of your hands tingle as you fall, and it feels like an eternity until your back hits the hardwood flooring.
You awake with a gasp, then a groan as you blink your eyes open. There’s the soft glow from the morning sun streaming through the blinds of your window. Your heart feels as if it’s about to beat out of your chest, it’s hitting your ribcage so hard. The glow falls on your dresser, the one from IKEA your dad insisted on getting you when he started renting the house. The house. The home your dad made in North Island. You look for the picture frames on top, there’s the ones of you and your dad, and Carole, but none of Bradley. You’re home, you’re safe.
Your head falls to the cool wood of your bedroom floor, the sweat oozing from your pores causing your skin to stick to the material. Your back and shoulder are a little sore, probably from falling off your bed, but your wrists and face feel fine. Even so, you lift a shaky hand, eyeing any possible bruising. Nothing. Just the faint green from the fading bruise on your knuckles. You kick the blanket twisted around your legs, rubbing your eyes to avoid tripping to the bathroom. There you turn the faucet on, running your hands under the cold water then splashing some on your face. An attempt to ground you in reality as you stare back in the mirror. Only, you can’t see yourself. You can only see every defining feature that reminds you and everyone else of the monster from your nightmare.
The blood rushes to your ears as your fear makes way for anger. It eats you up, taking over your senses the longer you stare. The face of a person who doesn’t care if you live or die stares back. Throwing down the towel you were using to dry your hands, and clad in your pajamas, you race down the stairs. You barely register your dad asking what that noise was, but you don’t stop, set on making it to the front door. You didn’t even bother putting on shoes, not like it matters, as you start walking. Where to, you don’t know. You just need to feel something real. Know there’s life outside of your head. Away from her.
“Where are you going?”, your dad asks from the front door, you’re a house down when from the lawn he yells your name. And even though it’s coming from your dad, you still flinch, making you all the more mad. He’s taken aback as you turn on your heel.
“I’m going for a fucking walk! Is that ok with you?”, you yell back. He stands there nothing short of aghast as you clench your fists at your side.
“Where the hell did that come from? Are you ok?”, he asks as he holds his hands up in surrender, trying not to set you off anymore than you already are.
“I’m fine”, you spit. The recoil on his face coupled with the worried look has you feeling the tiniest bit remorseful. “I’m sorry, I just- I need to be alone right now.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I just wanna know when you’re planning on being back.”
“I don’t know, just give me a minute.”
“You’re just gonna walk around barefoot then?”
“I don’t fucking know”, you huff. “I’ll be back. You don’t need to worry about me.” Without sparing him another glance you start walking. Your dad sighs and curses under his breath as he watches you storm off in one of his old t-shirts and your plaid pajama shorts.
You do as you say. Walk. That is until a flash from your dream causes a tremor in your hands you’re doing your very best to ignore. The image of her standing in front of you, in your mirror has you shaking in anger, and that’s when you start running. Where to, you don’t know. You just need to get away for one goddamn second. The slam of your bare feet against the cement hurts in the best way, letting you know this is real. It’s not some nightmare you can’t escape from. 
It’s not fair. The way she haunts you, ruins every good thing you get your hands on. You curse the fact that ever since you were little people were always telling you how much you looked like your mother. She lingers in the mirror every time you try to look at yourself. It makes you wonder if she sees you whenever she catches sight of herself. Then again, you always thought one of the reasons she despised you so much was because you reminded her of your father. A constant reminder of her biggest mistake in life.
The only real way you know time has passed is the way the sun rises slightly higher in the sky. You haven’t stopped running since you started, and it isn’t until the feel of sand beneath your bare feet slows you down. Your calves are burning as you trudge your way across the warm grains. It gets colder as you get closer to the water, and once the salty waves lap at your feet you stop.
Quickly realizing how out of breath you are, you back up and fall into the warmer sand. Your hyperventilating moves into gasping breaths as your chest heaves. You glance up to the light blue sky, then down to the deep blue of the Pacific. You’re reminded of Bob’s gentle eyes, and his kind smile. You allow yourself to get angry again. Just for a little bit. He left you last night. After saying those wonderful things about you, and then granting you a moment you won’t be able to forget in this lifetime. And again, in your dream. He left. Just like everyone does. Not that he had a choice. You can’t be selfish and expect him to stay when you know it’s a risk for the both of you. You hang your head, placing it in between your knees as you hug them closer to yourself. It’s just not fair.
You could ask yourself why. Why after almost 11 years of not seeing your mother, why she still haunts your nightmares. But you know. You were doing something you shouldn’t have. Every time you misstepped, misspoke, she was there to punish you. And even now that she’s not a part of your life, she will always exist in that little part of your brain that punishes yourself. Maybe the two of you aren’t as different as you like to think.
-----------------------
After a restless night, much to the chagrin of Sylvia, who ultimately decided to sleep on the floor rather than next to the twisting and turning of her dad, Bob checks his phone. There’s a couple texts from Phoenix asking him to call her, one from Fanboy confirming their movie night later in the week, but nothing from you. To be fair, he was the one who ran away in the first place, but every time he picked up his phone to draft a text to you, it seemed all wrong. What could he say through a text that could convey how he felt, or how much he wanted to talk to you again? Tossing his phone to the pillow next to his own, he huffs out a breath, running a hand over his face. Everything is just so confusing.
As he stares at the ceiling, his phone starts to buzz. He squints at the screen after reading the name, surely it can’t be. Grabbing his glasses and placing them on his face he double checks the caller I.D. So he had it right the first time, huh. Maverick’s contact name comes up as it continues to buzz, and Bob answers it with a shaky hand. There’s no way this was on purpose. The only reason he even had his number was so Maverick could coordinate everything for the initial beach day. And then he told everyone to keep his number for emergencies.
“Hello?”, Bob asks as he breaches the silence of his room.
“Bob, hey. It’s Maverick.” Ok, so he does know he called Bob.
“Hey, Mav. What’s up?”
“Listen, I’m sorry to bother you, but it’s Mantis.” Bob swallows, trying to clear the frog in his throat at the mention of you.
“Is everything ok?”
“Yeah, I don’t know. She ran out in a hurry this morning and she hasn’t been back since. I normally wouldn’t worry, but she left her phone and it’s already been a while. Listen- have you seen her at all?” Bob’s thoughts are running through his mind, wondering if you’re hurt somewhere.
“No sir”, not since you had your hands all over him last night. His face heats up at the thought, but immediately he refocuses his attention on worry, clearing his throat. “Not since last night. Have you checked with Phoenix?”
“Yeah, she hasn’t seen or heard from her either. I just thought that since the two of you are friends she might have said something. Did she seem ok last night? Or did anything happen?” Bob’s heart sinks as the thought that he might be the reason you’re gone moves to the forefront of his mind.
“Um- yeah she seemed fine last night.” Bob’s mind is reeling, you did seem ok. You seemed to be enjoying yourself, actually. But then again, maybe it’s not about him. “I can go out looking for her”, he rushes out.
“No, that’s ok. I think Phoenix is already doing that. Stay put, maybe she’ll show up at someone’s house”, he sighs. Bob can tell he sounds stressed. He can almost picture him standing on the front porch of your house, waiting for you to come back.
“Ok. Will you just uh- have someone let me know when you find her?”
“I will. Thanks Bob.”
“No problem, sir.”
-----------------------
The beach has gotten a little louder, a little hotter since you arrived. But all you’ve been doing is staring out at the waves. The cool breeze shifts loose hair around your face, the unruly locks that haven’t been taken care of after you woke up this morning. The weight of a hand on your shoulder takes you out of your trance as you quickly try to move out of the grasp.
“Get the fuck away from me!”, you yell. The hand retreats almost as fast as it landed, and squinting, you look up to identify the face.
“Whoa, easy there Hulk. It’s just me”, Natasha lets out as you readjust yourself in the sand to your previous position. Wordlessly she sits down next to you, making sure to keep a safe distance.
“Sorry”, you whisper so quietly you’re not even sure she heard it.
“It’s ok”, she responds softly. She lets the two of you sit in the silence, anticipating what you’re going to do next.
“How long have you been out here?” You shrug in a silent response. “What’s going on?”
Your mouth twitches as you stare at your feet. Shifting the sand in between your toes. “Nothing”, you lie. “I’m fine.” You hear her take a deep breath before she speaks again.
“Your dad called me, asked if I’d seen you at all.” Internally you scoff. You told him you’d be back, it’s like he won’t let you do anything now- “That was two hours ago”, she finishes her thought. Oh.
“I didn’t- I didn’t know.” You shake your head slightly. It had only felt like you’d been here for 10 minutes. How have you been here for longer than an hour? You don’t dare to look over, you know that the brown eyed gaze of your best friend is already looking you over in worry.
“It’s ok. Do you wanna head inside?” You squint at her words, confusion clouding your mind.
“Inside?”
“Yeah, just inside the-”, she stops mid sentence, redirecting her questioning, “Mantis, do you know where you are?” “I’m at the beach”, you respond flatly.
“Ok. Do you know which beach?” Swallowing, you look around for the first time since you arrived. There’s a lifeguard station with the number 6 on it just down to your right, and you can still hear the faint hum of cars from the road behind you. “That’s ok”, she lightly responds, deciding you do not actually know where you are. “Let’s go inside.”
She allows you to stand on your own, just knowing that you’d follow her. When you turn around, she directs the two of you to your right, and there it is. The Hard Deck. Somehow you had made it all the way from your home, down to the Hard Deck, without stopping. You fold your arms, keeping them close to you. Penny is already waiting at the back door, granting you a small smile as you walk up the couple steps to the bar. Phoenix stops you before you go in, placing a pair of sandals in front of you to step into. Huh, you didn’t even notice she was carrying those. It’s only after you step inside Penny’s sanctuary that you realize how bad your feet and legs hurt.
They sit you down at a table and slide you a glass of water. Neither moves to touch you, even as Penny sits down with you while Phoenix steps aside to call someone, presumably your father. You’re quiet as you stare at the grain of wood in the tabletop.
“Are you hungry, hun?”, she asks as you continue to stare at the table.“I can fix you something in the kitchen”, she offers as you glance up at her, giving a small shake of your head.
She sighs before starting again, “I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear right now, but when my dad started having flashbacks and nightmares, it really helped him to talk to someone. Got him an actual diagnosis which helped with treating it.” You furrow your brows as you cock your head slightly.
“Diagnosis for what?”
“PTSD”, she grimaces as she tries to cover it with a half smile. She probably thinks this is some work-related thing
“Oh- this isn’t, it’s not Navy-related”, you’re a little slow to correct. She sighs again and reaches her hand out for you before thinking better of it and placing it in her lap.
“Just because it doesn’t come from being in the Navy doesn’t mean it’s not real.” You clench your jaw and look away right as Phoenix finishes her phone call.
-----------------------
Nat drives you home in silence as you mull over Penny’s words. Was it really that obvious you had a nightmare? It just hadn’t happened in so long. You thought it wouldn’t come back. That she wouldn’t come back. She promised she wouldn’t be a part of your life, you guess that’s just her lingering charm that’s sticking around.
“What started it this time?”, she asks. You turn from staring out the passenger window and glance at her. The dream comes back to you in flashes, Bob’s hands on you, your lips over his, and then… You flinch slightly at the glimpse of her face in your head, the feeling of her grip.
“I don’t want to talk about it”, you respond lowly.
“OK”, she replies.
“How did you know where I was?”, you question as she spares you a look before turning back to the road.
“I was already out looking for you when your dad called and said Penny thought she saw you sitting on the beach. She wasn’t sure what you would do if she approached you, and I had to convince Mav not to book it down there himself.” You’re eternally grateful for Phoenix for knowing exactly what you needed in that moment.
“He’s just overreacting”, you try to shrug it off. She parks in front of your house, and you cringe at the blue Bronco in the driveway. So he really just called everyone, huh?
“Is he, Mantis?” She looks over to you, and you look down to your fingers for solace. Deciding you’re not up for a conversation you move on.
“Thanks for coming to get me.”
“I always will, you know that.” And you really do. Phoenix has been there more often than not to pick you up when you fall. She was the one person you could count on back at the Academy, and she’s been there for you ever since. Especially when you weren’t even sure you could trust your dad to let you stay in school. Even when she graduated two years before you and went on to flight school, she never kept out of touch.
She follows you up the steps to your door, and before you’re able to  step one foot into your house, your dad is pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. You’re a little uncomfortable, and you’re sure anyone can read it on your face.
“Dad”, you wheeze, “Dad I’m fine.” He moves as you push him away, only to hold onto your upper arms.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!”, he raises his voice, causing you to flinch. “Do you know how worried I was?” You didn’t actually see him before now, but Rooster is grabbing his arm, urging him to let you go.
“I’m sorry. I just- I needed to get out for a second.”
“A second? A second- You were gone for hours. You didn’t have your phone with you, didn’t have any shoes, you’re still in your pajamas for Christ’s sake!” With every word he throws at you, your brow furrows and your lip trembles a little more.
“Mav”, Rooster starts as he grabs your dad’s attention, “Ease up, man. You’re scaring her.” And even though he might be a little bit right, just the sound of his voice irritates you to no end. Him and his stupid Hawaiian shirt. A switch is flipped and you’re back to being angry again.
“No one fucking asked you Rooster. Why the hell are you even here?” He blinks at your sudden change, and shakes his head, trying to find an answer.
“Hey!”, your dad exclaims as he turns back to you with wide eyes. “He came over here because I was worried. I didn’t know if you went to someone else’s house, or were kidnapped, or god forbid, were hit by a car or worse!”
“Well obviously I’m fine.”
“I know that now. But it still doesn’t explain what you were doing for so long, or how you even ended up at the Hard Deck.”
“I told you I was going for a walk. And I don’t really think I need to explain myself to you.” You brush past the two of them without sparing a second glance, but you can hear your dad following after you.
“We are not done here!”, he yells up the stairs as you close the door to your room.
-----------------------
Bob is aimlessly walking around his kitchen as Sylvia stares on in confusion. They just got back from a run, and instead of resting like they usually do, he’s still pacing. He knows your dad told him to stay put, but if there was a chance that maybe he could find you while with Sylvia, he was gonna take it. He’s heard nothing from anyone since he first picked up the phone this morning, and that was hours ago. He’s starting to get really worried about you.
Deciding that walking around isn’t going to help anything, he decides to take a shower. He’s undressed, about to hop in when his phone starts ringing. He doesn’t even check who it is before he answers.
“Hello?”
“So you won’t answer my texts, but you’ll pick up a call? Good to know Floyd”, Phoenix’s voice echoes in his ear. He forgot all about them in the chaos of this morning.
“Is she ok?”, he immediately asks, ignoring her question. She sighs from the other end of the phone.
“She’s home and… she’s safe”, she utters as Bob takes a breath of relief.
“Is she ok though?”, he urges. She’s silent for a moment as he waits for an answer. “Phoenix?”
“It’s not that simple. She’s been through a lot.”
“She told me… about her mom.”
“She told you?”, Bob can tell by the shock in her voice you probably haven’t had the same kind of conversation with her. “She’s never actually said anything to me. Just that her mom wasn’t very nice. I kinda figured it out after we started rooming together and she’d wake up crying, just drenched in sweat. She wouldn’t let anyone touch her and- God I shouldn’t even be telling you this.” Bob hangs his head and nods as if she can see him. As much as he wants to know, he also knows that if you haven’t shared it with him yet it was probably for a reason.
“You’re probably right. Where- where did you find her though?”
“She made it all the way to the Hard Deck. Craziest thing is that she didn’t even know where she was.” Bob huffs out a breath and rubs his forehead. You seemed completely fine last night. And for some reason, he feels like he’s to blame. He didn’t stick around after to see if you were ok, or if you regretted any of it. God, he’s such a dick.
“Geez”, he breathes out.
“Yeah. Listen, just ignore my texts. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Bob’s grateful she’s thinking the same as him. What happened with Emily last night really doesn’t take precedent right now. He’s just so glad you’re home.
“Ok, see ya tomorrow.” And with that he ends the phone call. His shoulders slump as he turns the handle on the shower, the water runs as his mind is clouded with thoughts of you. Worried ones mostly.
-----------------------
The water is as hot as it can go as you wash the morning from you. Dirt from your feet makes the water murky as it swirls down the drain, the sweat from your nightmare and all the running is washed away as you clean yourself.
Stepping out, you quickly change into a clean set of clothes. Something comfortable, because you have a feeling you’re not going anywhere else today. Most likely back to bed to overthink your entire existence again. Taking your hair out of the towel, you move to wipe the fog off of the mirror, but you pause at the first swipe. Dark circles hang underneath your eyes, frame the face you wish didn’t belong to you
You’re tired. Your body, your mind, are all tired. You’re tired of trying to hold in your tears, of trying to be angry in order to cover up the fact that you are actually very scared of becoming the woman that you see in the mirror. Someone with the capability to ruin other people's lives. Falling to the floor with a thud, you allow yourself to cry. You barely hear the knock coming from your bathroom door, but you wipe your nose on your sleeve, and reach up to unlock the door. 
Your dad is immediately on his knees in front of you as you reach out to him. His arms wrap around you securely as you sob harder into his shoulder.
“It’s ok sweetheart. I’m here”, he reassures you. “You’re ok. Just let it out.” You start to cry even harder at his words. You were so mean to him earlier, and why? Because you were mad at your mom? At yourself?
“I’m sorry”, you manage to speak through broken cries.
“Shh, hey. It’s ok. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I was just- so worried about you.” He rubs at the back of your head as you cry harder. He holds onto you a little tighter and you let him. It’s not suffocating or claustrophobic, it’s comforting. He’s somehow able to convey in his embrace that he’s not done fighting for you, that he’s sorry he ever let you down in the first place. “I got you”, he whispers as he kisses the top of your head.
-----------------------
You aren’t at work the next day. He should have expected it. After everything that happened he still hasn’t texted you. He wanted to reach out, but thought better of it. Knowing you, you might feel more embarrassed than anything if he brought attention to the fact that your dad called him. Even so, it feels… off. For the first time in weeks he doesn’t save a seat for you at lunch. And then out of the blue, as Phoenix sits down across from him, Rooster sets his lunch bag next to hers. He glances up with wide eyes as Rooster gives him a cordial smile
It’s quiet for a moment as the three of them dig into their food. As Bob reaches for a baby carrot, the table shakes. He moves to look up at Phoenix who is trying and failing to discreetly glare at Rooster. He can only assume the movement was her kicking him under the table. Rooster clears his throat, garnering Bob’s attention. He rubs his mouth before looking back at him.
“Listen, Bob, I’m really sorry about Saturday.” Oh this is where this is going.
“Oh, there’s no need to-”
“Yes”, Phoenix cuts in, “there is. Please continue, Rooster.” Rooster winces at her words, and ultimately turns back to Bob.
“Right. Um, turns out Emily thought she was being set up with me the entire time. Not you, which explains why- uh everything happened the way it did”, he chuckles awkwardly. “Anyway, so I’m sorry about that kind of wrecking your night.” Even though his glasses are sitting perfectly on his face, Bob pushes the bridge of his wire frames even further onto his nose as an excuse to distract himself from the awkwardness of this conversation.
“Listen, it’s fine. Really.”
“Bob”, Phoenix whines, “No it’s not. I’m sorry, too. Apparently I never even told her your name. Just that you were one of my friends, so she naturally assumed it was Rooster.” Emily was honestly the last thing on his mind since that night. It all seems so trivial since yesterday. He just wants to see you. Confirm with his own eyes that you’re alright. Right now it kind of feels like you fell off the face of the earth, even if he did see you two days ago. It was two days too long.
“Phoenix”, Bob levels, “It’s ok. I wasn’t putting too much pressure on anything working out anyway.” He starts to play with his food, kind of the same way you do whenever you’re uncomfortable. Just moving stuff around, never actually picking anything up to eat. He can’t help but have every thought wander back to you somehow. He wonders if you’ve maybe done the same thing about him, but he quickly rids himself of the thought. Why would you do that? Just because he overthinks and rethinks everything doesn’t mean you do, too.
Your hands are trembling as you open the car door and head into base. Not in a bad way. Not at all. You need to get in a jet. Need to feel some sort of control over anything in your life. In the air, that’s where you feel free. You have to be laser focused on what you are doing at all times, there is no voice in your head telling you to be better, or that you’re not good enough. If she had it her way you wouldn’t be there at all. The world of aviation is one where your mother’s voice is silent. She simply doesn’t exist. You’d like to keep it that way.
So yes, your hands are trembling. And you welcome it. It’s the incessant thumping of your heart against your rib cage as you get closer to the classroom that is bothering you. Bob. You haven’t seen or heard from him since Saturday. Since you kissed him. But this is a professional setting, one where under its rule you are not allowed to feel the way you do for him. Or him you, apparently. So, you’ll pretend for both your sakes that nothing happened. It’s the way it has to be. That way you can’t ruin his life. Can’t- won’t be like the one person you swear you would never end up like.
And then, right as you walk in the door, Bob’s eyes are on you. His cheeks pinken just the tiniest bit at the sight of you. But more than that, there’s a look of relief on his face. Before you can give him any kind of indication you notice him, his attention is being directed away by Fanboy. Deciding it’s best to let it slide, you walk past Nat on his other side, giving her a slight smile as she winks at you. And even though before the day even started you had decided to avoid looking at Bob, it is so damn hard as his profile sits right in front of you. Rooster’s still mandated to sit next to you, so his incessant breathing helps to distract you.
The rest of the day until lunch is entirely boring until you’re given your chance to get up in your jet. There’s the regular spiel from Maverick about which maneuvers you’re going to practice, and then there’s another storm warning. A so-called hurricane is supposed to sweep southern California over the weekend, so they’re trying to give everyone as much air-time as they can before it starts. Fine by you. You don’t even care that you’re paired with Hangman, that’s how badly you need to get back up there.
Settling into your seat, you take a deep breath in, and out. This is what you were made to do. There’s no other feeling quite like it in the world, and your hands tingle as you grab the yoke, just waiting for the all-go. The roar of the engine is so loud you can hardly hear your own thoughts. Just the way you like it. You twitch in anticipation before Hondo gives you the hand signal, waving you for take-off.
Before you know it, you’re back on the ground, and the next group is getting ready to go up. You stay close to your jet while Phoenix and Bob pass to get to theirs. You don’t notice his glance your way, but as you take a quick look he’s already climbing the ladder into his seat.
-----------------------
Bob isn’t exactly sure where the two of you stand at this moment. He knows that right now at work is not the best place to discuss any of it, but he also knows that he can’t go on pretending forever that Saturday night didn’t happen. And then there’s the fact that something happened on Sunday to set you off, so he decides he’ll just wait for you to approach him. He doesn’t want to add any more stress to your life, just glad you seem to be in better spirits. He still saves you a seat at lunch, but 10 minutes pass before he decides you’re not coming. Phoenix finally fills an empty seat across from him, and before he can ask where you are Fanboy takes the seat he is no longer saving for you.
“Ok”, Fanboy starts, “I’ve got all three Indiana Jones on blu-ray that I can bring over since those are the only ones that matter, you still ok to do it at your place?” Bob nods at the plans mindlessly, eyes staring down at his untouched plate of food.
“Yeah, sounds good.”
“You sure? Cause last time I was over your dog avoided me the whole time. She fucking hates, me dude.” Bob winces and holds back a small laugh.
“She doesn’t hate you. She’s just… shy.” He explains.
“It’s true”, Phoenix cuts in, “Although, the last time I saw her she finally let me pet her. It was amazing.” Bob smiles at her as he finally digs into his lunch. Sylvia had already taken a quicker liking to you than anyone else Bob has introduced her to. It’s kind of a shame she won’t be seeing you as often as he’d like anymore. And just as the thought of you pops into his head, he spots you walking over to another table. Damn it.
-----------------------
As much as you like talking to your dad, you absolutely despise having to go over what you missed yesterday. Which is why your lunch was cut approximately 15 minutes short today. He was nice enough to make lunches for the both of you today, so with your brown paper bag in hand, you make your way over to the mess-hall. You stop right after entering, trying to find an empty seat among the crowd. You spot Bob and your heart skips a beat. Fanboy is in your seat, and even though there’s an empty spot next to Phoenix, Payback sits down before you can move. It’s probably for the best. As much as it hurts, you need to stay as far away from Bob as possible. It’s the only way you know you can’t ruin his career. Or yours for that matter.
Taking in a deep breath, your eyes move to the corner of the room where the only empty seat remains. Great. Begrudgingly, you make your way over to the table and place your lunch before you as you sit. Rooster’s eyes widen as he slowly chews his bite of food at your action. He’s still staring at you as you open your bag. Rolling your eyes you finally decide to speak, “Don’t look so surprised.”
“Am I not supposed to be?”, he asks as he swallows his food. Exasperation crosses your face as you take a bite of your pb & j. You don’t even pay attention to him as you rip into your food, but you can still feel him watching you. “What?”, you ask with a mouth full of peanut butter.
“Nothing”, he shrugs as you raise your brow at him. He clears his throat before gingerly asking, “How are you feeling?” You squint your eyes and dust any crumbs from your hands before folding your arms across your chest.
“What is this? What are you doing?” He shrugs again.
“What? I can’t ask you how you are?”
“Why are you doing it though?”, you counter. He looks away as he mutters an explanation.
“I just- I want to see how you’re doing.”
“Really? Or do you just want to know if I’m going to blow up on you again? How about this: ask me how I’m feeling again and find out.” He guffaws at your cavalierness as you move back to eating. Although, he really shouldn’t be surprised anymore.
“Ok sheesh, Miss bossy”, he comments. He just really knows how to get on your nerves, first with Sunday, then with Emily, now this stupid nickname he used to call you when you were mad as a kid.
“Oh come on, with that little stunt you pulled with Emily you should be happy I haven’t ripped into you even more.”
“Listen, for your information I already apologized to Bob about that whole….”, he pauses to motion with his hands, “...ordeal. And Emily thought she was being set up with me so… I am not the one to blame here.”
“Oh yeah? And who is?”
“Ask Phoenix! The woman never even told her Bob’s name!”, he laughs as you give him a slight smile at the absurdness of the whole situation. It’s quiet for a beat as you ponder his explanation.
“She really didn’t tell her his name?”
“Not a damn letter. And the man only has three.” You breathe a small laugh at his comment as he shakes his head. And for a second the two of you sit there and smile, enjoying the playfulness you once shared as children. Which causes you to remember a nickname you haven’t heard in years that he uttered seconds ago.
“And by the way, it’s Lieutenant bossy now. Brad Brad.” He chuckles and shakes his head, the two of you coming to some sort of silent agreement. You feel like a kid again, in a good way this time. It almost makes you forget about the six foot WSO with the beaming blue eyes sitting tables behind you.
You somehow make it the whole day without a real interaction with Bob. You’ve caught fleeting glances of him, and he seems so… normal. Like nothing happened at all. It makes you nervous, even more so than usual. But, you keep telling yourself that it’s for the best. If the two of you ignore everything, life can go on. But there’s still the tiniest part of yourself that longs to know what he’s thinking. Wants to know him more than you do. Just another voice you have to try your best to shut off.
-----------------------
Bob can’t help but tap his foot as he waits for the day to start. If you weren’t going to say anything to him, he sure as hell wasn’t going to bring up anything to you. He checks the time on his watch. Five minutes before your usual start time, but you, Halo, and Phoenix aren’t here yet. He alternates looking at his watch, and glancing at the door as the room starts to fill in. It goes on for a couple more minutes until you finally enter. He’s nervous again. Overthinking every little thing, he averts his gaze before you get the chance to look at him. His boot is still hitting the floor even as you take your seat behind him.
“Floyd”, Hangman barks, “Leave the tapping to Fred Astaire, will ya?” Bob turns his head at his remark, giving him an embarrassed smile.
“Sorry”, he mutters before turning to your father at the front of the room. He spotted you out of the corner of his eye, about to say something to Hangman, but thinking better of it as Cyclone entered the room. You could almost hear everyone adjust in their seat to sit up straight as he made his way to the back of the room. After the dust settles and Maverick takes a second in between talking, Bob swears he can hear the quietest tapping of a pencil coming from your desk.
-----------------------
You’re not paired with Phoenix and Bob… again. Which you’re grateful for, you guess. But you also miss talking to your friends. Flying with them. It’s funny, really. You joined the Navy because you wanted to be like your dad, and you found aviation fascinating. And now, you’ve found your own community, your people. Even if it was one of the hardest things you’ve had to do, the first time you stepped foot in a jet you knew it was what you were meant to do.
You’re all back in the classroom after your first flights of the day, discussing once again what could have been done better. There’s all little tweaks Maverick suggests to everyone, not just you this time. And it feels good knowing you did a good job.
“All in all, great job everyone. Have a good lunch”, he excuses the group. You move to grab your stuff and head to the mess hall before your dad calls out for you. “Mantis, would you stay back for a second?” Nodding, you drop your stuff and take Phoenix’s seat in the front row as he rounds his podium.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m doing good”, you nod, “Feeling good.” He chews on your words for a second before double checking.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah”, you laugh, kind of annoyed at the moment. But you understand where he’s coming from, “Flying’s been helping. A lot.”
“Good. That’s good.” He moves back behind his podium, shuffling a couple of pieces of paper before opening a file. “Cyclone”, he starts as you tense at the name, “has been talking to me. About you.”
“Am I in trouble?”, you ask out of reflex.
“No”, he reassures you. “Quite the opposite actually.” Hanging his head, he looks down at the papers before him. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was nervous. “He’s been keeping you in mind for something. Just wants to make sure you’re up for the challenge.”
“Another mission?”
“Looks like it”, his gaze is stern as he looks at the file, but as he looks back to you his eyes soften. “Are you going to be ok to do this?” With that look you know he’s not just asking as your Captain, he’s asking as your dad. Your eyes soften with his the slightest bit as you smirk.
“Always, old man.” He chuckles as you smile with him.
“Ok”, he shrugs, “Training for this one won’t start until this storm moves out. I’d expect an announcement from Cyclone sometime next week. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”
“Will do, Captain.”
Your hands are trembling again as you navigate the halls to find a vending machine since you forgot to pack your own lunch this morning. It’s a good sort of nerves that make their way through your system. The training for the last mission was brutal, but good. It kept your mind off of anything of real importance. That’s just what you need right now. A distraction. Which is where your mind is at right now as your brain fills itself with incessant thoughts of what you need to do to prepare as well as a bag of chips, but you’re hitting something and falling to the floor before you can process what’s happening. The sound of a handful of what looks to be peanuts roll on the floor, but you can still hear an, “Oof”, through it all.
Your eyes widen as you look over to the man sitting on the floor in front of you. His eyes mirror your own as the two of you share the longest moment together since this past weekend. Shaking your head, you move to stand as he does.
“I’m so sorry Bob”, you start as he dusts himself off, “I didn’t see you.”
“That’s alright”, he rushes out as he looks over his almost empty bag of peanuts. “I’m sorry I didn’t see you either.” He’s trying his best not to look at you as he starts to pick each individual peanut off the floor. You rush to help him and he still doesn’t look your way.
“You don’t need to do that”, he tells you as the two of you clean the floor.
“I do, it’s my fault”, your hand is already full as you find the nearest trash can to throw the ruined peanuts away. You spot the vending machine he must have just bought them from, tucked in its own little hallway. Before he can stop you, you’re already checking to see if you have enough change before locating their spot in the case. There they are, B4.
“What are you doing?”, Bob complains as he throws his handful and the bag away. You continue to reach in your pocket, not bothering to answer him as he already knows exactly what you’re doing. “Mantis, c’mon. It’s ok. You don’t need to do that.” He watches you bite at your lip as you put in the first two quarters until all you’re left with is a penny. It’s obvious you were going to buy something for yourself. But he’s also pretty sure that the penny in your hand is the same one he slipped you in Phoenix’s kitchen, and the flick of your eyes to his as you clench your fist around it confirms his suspicions.
He swallows as you press the buttons on the machine. The spiral whirls as you give yourself the confidence to speak. Not look at him. Just speak.
“Bob, can we- can we talk?”. The bag drops to the bottom of the machine with a large thump, almost triggering the laughing of Hangman and Coyote as they walk through the hall behind him. He turns as they walk, his eyes wide as he looks back at you.
“Here?”, he whispers.
“No”, you whisper back as you glance over his shoulder. You bend to grab the bag, and grip it tightly before holding it before him, “Later.” You determine for the two of you. He reaches out to the clear bag of peanuts, accepting your offer as you walk around him and into the mess-hall.
Bob’s palms start to sweat as he watches your retreating form. He rounds the corner expecting to see you sitting with Rooster again, but there you are. Sitting at your usual seat next to his vacant one. He stops in his tracks, surprised at your actions, but quickly moves back to the table. Phoenix shoves her own bag of chips your way as you accept with a gracious smile. Your ability to switch mindsets so quickly baffles him as he sits next to you with a smile. The same kind of one you return to him, the ones that don’t quite reach your eyes. He’s not gonna make it through this conversation.
-----------------------
Bob’s house has never been this daunting to look at. The white shingles are practically taunting you as you sit in your car. You don’t even know how long you’ve been sitting there, just delaying the inevitable. You immediately changed into some regular clothes after getting home, but sat on your bed for a good 45 minutes working up the courage to drive over here. And even then your car took a few minutes to get started. The voice in the back of your head told you it was a sign that you shouldn’t even bother coming over, but you knew that was an even worse idea than talking about what happened. Getting up the nerve, you vacate your car, and make it halfway up his driveway before a voice stops you in your tracks.
“Oh finally.”
“Rich, don’t be rude. She can probably hear us.” Turning your head, you find two men, probably ten or so years older than your dad, sitting on the front porch just to the right of Bob’s home. One’s got a mug of what you assume to be coffee in his hands, while the other nurses a glass of what looks to be wine. They’re both taken aback as you squint at them in the setting sun. “I’m so sorry about him, I told him to go light on the chardonnay, but…”, shrugging, he rolls his eyes at the other man.
“Oh, it’s ok”, you brush them off. Moving to take another step, his voice stops you again.
“It’s just, we were wondering why you were sitting there for so long”, the one you assume to be Rich pipes up. You suppose you were warned he hasn’t a filter this evening, but your eyes still widen the tiniest bit at his remark.
“Leave the poor girl alone.” Rich waves the other man off, turning back to you.
“We hardly see anyone coming or leaving that boy’s house, but we saw you leaving in a rush the other weekend and were just wondering-”
“We were not wondering anything, because we are not Bob’s nosey neighbors. Those are the ones on the other side of him, the Terrance’s.” You try your hardest to stifle a laugh as they continue to gossip.
“Oh do not get me started on the Terrance’s. ‘Oh Richard’”, he mocks, “‘It is against HOA policy to have a flag hanging in your window.’” You take a look around the well manicured neighborhood, taking note of flag poles proudly displaying the American Flag.
“But you can have a flagpole?” You ask.
“It’s not where it was that was the problem”, Rich responds, “She just did not want to see our beautiful rainbow among the red, white, and blue. That same red, white, and blue we served under, for her information!” The more level-headed one of the two reaches a hand out to Rich in an attempt to calm him. It pushes him further into his seat, and he takes a swig from his glass.
“Easy now, Miss-”, he turns to you as you’re taken out of your spectator seat in the conversation.
“Mitchell”, you reply. He smiles, and turns back to Rich who’s brow is set in a furrow.
“Miss Mitchell here probably has more important things to attend to with Bob”, he emphasizes, catching Rich’s attention,”Than sitting here listening to our quarrels with the neighbors.” As he moves his hand to motion over to Bob’s house, you take notice of the class ring on his finger, the ring that looks all too familiar to the one collecting dust in your closet.
“Do you?”, Rich asks, distracting you from the ring on the other man’s finger.
“Rich!”, he chides.
“I do- actually”, you shy away, remembering why you came over here in the first place. “But it was really nice meeting you-?”
“Oh how rude of me, I’m Harry, and this is my husband Rich”, he motions as Rich nods at you.
“Well, it was very nice meeting you Harry, and Rich”, you smile as you turn back toward the house. Taking a deep breath you move toward the front door. Clenching your fist in your hand, you raise it hoping it will knock on the door of its own volition, but you’re not sure if you’re ready. Screw it, you’re already kinda mad at him. He’s the one who left you and then ignored you at work! You never should have kissed him, even if you long to do it again and again.
“Do you think she’s gonna take longer on the porch than in the car?”, Rich asks in a poor attempt to whisper.
“No”, Harry gives in, “I think her arm will get tired by then.” Turning your head, Harry gives you a sad attempt at trying to look apologetic.
“I’m starting to think you’re just as bad as your husband!”, you shout from across the porch.
“I’m sorry!”, Harry shouts back, “This is the most exciting thing to happen to this neighborhood since Patty down the street got divorced!” You laugh through your nose, only turning back to the task at hand when the sound of the lock alerts you to Bob opening the door. You stare up at his ocean eyes as he blinks at the sight of you. Those same eyes flash in your mind from Saturday night, blinking rapidly before he-
“Hi”, he whispers. The raspiness of his voice catching you off guard.
“Hi”, you whisper back. His gaze moves to your still raised fist, and ever so slowly it moves back to your side. Without meaning to, your eyes fall to his pink lips and the feeling of his body against yours has you shaking the memory out of your head. 
“Can I come in?”, you gently ask.
“Of course”, he responds, quickly moving out of the way to let you in. You’d usually slip your shoes off at the door, and as much as you want to spend longer with Bob, you’re pretty sure this is going to have to be a swift conversation. Just ripping the band-aid off.
Bob leads you further into the house, and soon enough you spot the fluffy black and white tail you’ve come to know and love. He must see you smile at the sight of her, because before you’re able to do anything about it, Bob is calling her over. “Syl, your best friend is here”, he taunts. Her head rises to rest on the cushion, and once she catches your eye she’s trotting over as you bend to pet her.
“Oh hey you sweet girl”, you praise her as she rolls on her back. Once her dad takes a seat on the couch, she’s up to grab his attention instead. You follow behind her, and for the first time, you are uncomfortable in Bob Floyd’s presence. It’s not even his fault, it’s your own. You watch him smile at her, scratching behind her ears until his hand stalls.
“Why are you ignoring me at work?”, you start. Taking in a deep breath, he sighs as he fidgets with his fingers. God damn those hands.
“ I could ask you the same thing”, he retorts, “But if I’m being honest I didn’t want to cause you any more stress than you were already dealing with. I thought that maybe if you wanted to talk you would come to me.” Stress? What stress- unless.
“Wait a second, what do you mean what I’m dealing with?” He hesitates before answering, still not looking at you.
“Your dad called me on Sunday.”
“Oh Jesus Christ”, you relent, “I had one bad day, I am fine now. I just wasn’t sure how to talk to you about”, you motion between the two of you with one hand, “this.” Bob’s staring up at you from beneath his glasses, that same look of pity everyone always looks at you with once they know. “See”, you point at him, “Right there. That is why I don’t tell anyone anything.”
“What?”
“I don’t want you to pity me, or feel bad for me”, you huff.
“It’s not pity, Mantis. It’s worry. I worry about you”, he explains as your heart drops in your chest.
“If you really worry about me, then why did you leave me?”, you question. There’s the slightest tremble in your voice, one that most people wouldn’t pick up on. But Bob isn’t most people. He’s on his feet immediately at your words, slowly making his way over to you.
“I panicked. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to get you in trouble, I guess. And I just ran.” You feel for him deep down, your own panic had taken hold of you. It just didn’t present itself until you fell asleep.
“I’m sorry, too. For waiting this long to talk to you. And for kissing you.” His brows crinkle as he cocks his head.
“You’re sorry for kissing me?”
“I didn’t- I shouldn’t have done it.” Bob is quick to interject. He knew it. He knew it all along that you only kissed him because you felt bad for him.
“No, I shouldn’t have said anything. I never wanted to make you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to do.”
“Bob, I never said I didn’t want to do it. I just- I shouldn’t have acted on my feelings. I cannot stand to ruin your career, your life. I can’t.” His breathing just about stops, but he uses any oxygen he has left to swiftly correct you.
“How would you ruin it? I mean- you’ve already made it so much better.”
“Bob”, you sigh, “I will not let you give up your career. Or mine for that matter, over stupid feelings.”
“So my feelings are stupid?”, you glance back up at him as he furrows his brow at your insinuation.
“No! That’s not what I meant. Mine are.” You’re starting to wring your hands, it’s obvious you’re not getting your point across as eloquently as you would like.
“Well, what are your feelings? I told you how I felt, you never returned the favor.”
“Probably because you were already gone before I had the chance to say anything!” You argue. He frowns at your words, knowing it was a bad move on his part. “And it doesn’t even matter, Bob. It can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t ruin you! I can’t be selfish!”, you finally yell. He’s taken aback as you breathe heavily in front of him. It doesn’t even matter what he thinks, you look like you’re on the verge of another panic attack, so as slow as he can he walks up to your heaving form. He ever so slowly reaches out to your shoulders, and with a nod from you, he wraps you in his strong arms. You’re quick to wrap your own around him. His embrace is so warm, like finally being wrapped in a blanket after being out in the freezing cold for so long, only this time you know the cold is just waiting outside his front door to encase you once you leave. But you let yourself hug him, for the sake of getting to do it one last time.
“I can’t do that to you, Bob”, you whisper into his shoulder. He takes a step back and your arms fall from each other. He moves to push a piece of loose hair behind your ear absentmindedly as his thumb caresses the apple of your cheek. “We can’t give each other what we want.”
“You haven’t even told me what you want”, his deep voice whispers as he gazes at your face, almost as if trying to memorize every inch and freckle.
“You already know”, his eyes flick back between yours at your whispered words. Your faces are already so close to each other. All it would take was a simple push from either one of you to be kissing again. You exhale a shaky breath, and before either of you can do anything, Bob’s jumping away from you again at the sound of the doorbell. Sylvia is retreating up the stairs at the noise, and Bob realizes who it is.
“Shit”, he curses under his breath.
“Who is it?” Bob stands there staring at you, wincing as Fanboy’s voice carries from the hall to the living room.
“I hope you don’t mind man, the door was open. And I brought pizza!”, lo and behold Fanboy is walking into the living room a little surprised to see you there as you give him the fakest smile you can muster. “Hey Mantis, are you here for movie night?”
“Of course! Why else would I be here?”, you grit through your teeth as you turn to Bob. He’s avoiding your gaze as he takes a dvd from Fanboy to get it all set up.
-----------------------
So here you are. Sitting on one end of Bob’s couch while he is on the other, Fanboy sitting in between the two of you. Completely clueless. He takes his third slice of pizza from its place on the coffee table, then leans back into the couch as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. You’ve been sitting watching Raiders of the Lost Ark long enough that Indy and Marion have made their initial escape, and are now sailing away, comfortable as she starts kissing him better. From the corner of your eye, you spot Bob shifting slightly in his seat as you do the same. Fanboy is perfectly content, sitting against the cushions as the two of you think about the other night. And what was about to happen before he showed up.
Your eyes are taken off the screen as a shrill ringing comes from Mickey’s pocket.
“Sorry”, he mutters as he takes it out. “Oh shit, it’s my mom.” He stands as he moves to the front door, yelling on his way out, “Pause it for me, will ya?” Bob does as he asks and the two of you don’t make any motion to move. He stares at the frozen screen, of Indy and Marion being so intimately close together before he speaks.
“Would you do it again?” You look over to him as he stares ahead, and then back to the screen.
“Bob”, you shake your head, “We can’t, you know the rules-”
“I didn’t ask if you could. I asked if you would. If you would want to.” You’re left staring at Bob with a blank face as he takes a deep breath in, anticipating your answer. His jaw clenches as you give the slightest nod of your head. You can’t lie to Bob. Along with the feeling of safety he encases you in every time you’re with him, the fact remains you can’t lie to him, and that scares the absolute hell out of you.
“Would you?”, you whisper, unconsciously glancing at his lips. His eyelids flutter at your movement and he swallows.
“Yes”, it comes out more as a breath than an actual response, but you understand it nonetheless. You look away from him, the weight of his gaze knowing you both want the same thing too much for you to handle. The hand that was fiddling with the rip in your jeans moves to settle where Fanboy once sat. You can see it out of the corner of your eye as Bob slowly moves to rest his hand next to yours, almost as if he’s scared you’ll move away if he gets any closer. His hand only rests next to yours until he reaches his pinkie out to sit right against yours, testing the waters. You ignore this altogether, reaching your hand to clasp over his, squeezing as he squeezes back just as softly. It has been too long since the two of you held hands, and you couldn’t go one more minute without the feeling of his large hand encasing yours.
Turning his head, the two of you watch your hands as he rubs his thumb over the back of yours. You look towards him completely and chew your lip as he brings his gaze back to your face. And like the two of you are magnets, completely attracting one to the other, you slowly move your faces closer and closer. You can feel his breath on your face, your hand still over his as he squeezes it tighter until-  the sound of Mickey slamming the front door closed jolts the two of you back to your ends of the couch. Your heart is beating out of your chest as you stare straight ahead at the tv, it’s gone black now from being paused for too long as you try to focus on the bouncing logo. Saved by the damn bell, you guess.
Mickey slumps back into the couch with a quick apology and the movie starts back up. Almost as soon as he sits down, you’re on your feet. Met with two pairs of wide eyes, you give a brief smile to Mickey.
“I have to go home”, you rush out with an apologetic smile.
“What?”, Mickey asks, “The movie’s not even over yet.”
“I know, but my dad’s waiting for me. You know how it is”, you attempt to excuse yourself.
“No I don’t actually, because I’m not in High School anymore and I don’t have a curfew”, he laughs. Your dad didn’t technically have a curfew for you, but after your little walk on Sunday, he did tell you he’d like to be in bed by a certain time. And he was most definitely going to wait up until you got home. Shrugging, you make your way around the back of the couch until Bob shoots up out of his seat.
“I’ll walk you to your car”, he urges. He follows you to the front porch, and softly closes the door behind you. The sun has long set by now and the only thing you can hear is crickets chirping. You can’t help but find the parallel to the last time you were outside on a night like this… with Bob. Only this time, you’re sure you are going to go home knowing that Bob can only be your friend, your teammate. He stops short of his lawn as you turn around.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at work?”, you ask with a sad smile. He gives you the same one back, the good old courtesy ones you were so sure you were done seeing him give to you. He nods as you move to walk to your car, but the feeling of his large hand encasing your fingers and slightly tugging has you spinning back around and into his chest. While still holding your hand, his other moves up to your face, his calloused thumb rubbing back and forth over your cheek.
“Tell me to stop and I will. I’ll let you go and I won’t ever do this again.” His blue eyes bore into yours as your heart picks up speed. And you know you shouldn’t, but right now you just can’t care to give a damn.
“Don’t you dare”, you whisper. His lips are on yours immediately as your hands tingle, moving to touch him wherever you can. He hums in surprise as your hand moves up to run through his hair. With one hand still on your face, the other slides from your hand to your waist as he pulls you closer against him. Your lips are moving so fast against each other, it’s hard to discern who deepens it, but you don’t really care as his tongue slides against your own. He’s kissing you like a man starved, and you know you’re just as hungry for him as you pull him against yourself.
It’s almost a mirror of the other night as you start walking backward, hitting the passenger side door of his truck this time. You can’t help but whine into his mouth as his hand slides to the side of your neck, just the feeling of his hand on your bare skin is enough to have you seeing stars. With your free hand, you run your fingers through the belt loops of his jeans, pulling him impossibly closer to you. With an “oomph”, he allows himself to press his body completely against your own. The pressure sends a tingle down your spine, and you’re quite positive that if he wasn’t holding you up, you’d be melting into a puddle at the feeling.
Reflexively, your hips move forwards to meet his as he sighs against your mouth. Allowing himself to take a miniscule break, resting his forehead against your own.
“Please”, he pleads as his lips graze yours. And even though the kiss is just about over, you know what he’s asking. “Just- just one more”, and who are you to not give into the pleadings of a man who wants exactly what you do? This is not what you came over here to do, but you kiss him with fervor anyway, as his spit-slicked lips meet your own once again. 
If you weren’t so distracted with the passion fueled meeting of your lips, you’d almost think his belt buckle was hitting your pelvis. But you know for a fact as your fingers tighten in his belt loops that he’s not wearing a belt. And that’s how you know this is affecting him just as much as it is you. Oh god.
Almost as if he knows what you’re thinking, and just how turned on you are, he moves so his thigh is slotted in between your own. He must feel you clench your thighs around his muscled one. And the pressure just feels so good, causing you to whine one last time against his mouth before separating and resting your forehead against his chest. As much as you want to keep going, you know you need to end it before you go too far. Or before you get arrested for public indecency. Then again, you’ve already gone much farther than you should have with Bob.
“You ok?”, he breathes as he rubs at your neck, a hint of his southern twang peaking out with the ask. You’re still breathing heavily, but Bob feels you nod against him.
“Uh huh”, you muster before you look up at him. Clearing your throat, the two of you don’t break eye contact until you look to his pink lips, swollen thanks to you. You rub any remainder of yourself off of his mouth with your thumb before looking back into his wide-eyed blues. Your hand lingering on his face. “I’ll um- see you at work tomorrow?”
Bob can only nod, knowing full well that this was a goodbye of some sorts. Not as friends, not as teammates, but as whatever could have been. You would be remiss if you didn’t take advantage of this opportunity, so you do. With the gentlest touch of your lips against his, a stark contrast to what you were doing seconds ago, you drop your hand from the slight stubble of his jaw.
“I’ll see you tomorrow”, he whispers. You nod at him this time, deciding to not give him a smile you both know is fake. Slipping out of his arms, his hand lingers on your arm as you walk toward your car, until your fingers fall from his. He watches as you go, and takes a moment to stare up at the night sky with his hands on his hips.
That was a little more hot and heavy than he thought it was going to be, so he takes a moment to collect himself before walking back inside and pretending absolutely nothing happened. Taking his glasses off with one hand, he runs a hand over his face with the other. He forces himself to think of anything but you, baseball stats, mowing the lawn, picking up after Sylvia. That seems to help cool him down as he darts back up to the front door.
“What I wouldn’t give to be kissed like that.” Bob’s head whips over to his right, and takes note of Harry sitting on his front porch, taking a sip from his cup of coffee, sudoku puzzle to his side.
“Oh God”, Bob mumbles as he turns back to his house, not bothering to say anything else to the man.
-----------------------
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61 notes · View notes
tiredfox64 · 2 days
Text
Let’s Keep This a Secret
Prior notes: I like my men a little scary. He got me giggling, kissing my feet, and crying in horror. Also I just really wanted to post something of mine and change it up.
Pairing: Reiko x Afab reader
Warnings ‼️: Do you fear skin to skin contact?
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You were only a baby when your mom married General Shao. You never viewed him as your stepfather, he was always your father. He raised you as if you were blood related to him. He promised to protect you and love you as his own.
And protect he did, from any and everything. Especially boys.
The older you got, the more attention you attracted. Not only were you the general’s daughter but you had your mother’s beauty. Many men wanted to get with you for the fact that you were pretty and they wanted the general’s admiration. That never happened. Shao would never allow a boy to step close to you at all. The only one who would ever get close was Reiko. Yet even Reiko had a hard time getting to know you.
When you both were young he rarely cared about getting to know you. He was an orphan who lost his parents to the war. All he cared about was what General Shao had to say to him. He listened well to every order he gave. After a while Shao almost started to see him like a son. Still not a good enough position to let near his daughter.
In fact, Shao thought you shouldn’t be seeing the grueling and harsh conditions it takes to be part of his army. It’s better that you don’t know. But you did want to know. You have the right to know. Plus you wanted to know a thing or two since Shao didn’t want to teach you anything. He said he would protect you, he meant it. Why do you need to know how to protect yourself when you got him. It just pushed you away from Reiko even more.
You would find reasons to go over though. Every time you would come around to the training grounds you would always look for Reiko. At this point he was the lieutenant to your dad’s army. How could you not be drawn to a man with power and authority. When he was the only man in your life that your dad somewhat let you close to, you started to be attracted to him. Seeing those milky white eyes take a glance at you made you excited. However, no matter how old you got your father would not allow you anywhere near.
You had to take matters into your own hands. You went out with friends one night. As you were out you realized no one would be able to stop you from talking to any boys. The only person who could stop you was yourself, and you did stop yourself. You were too nervous to be around other guys or even say a word to them. Shao was to blame for your lack of social skills when it came to men. The only person who you could fathom talking to was…Reiko! Of course! Why didn’t you think of him before? You should go see if he is anywhere around.
Your friends were not too keen on sticking around and running to the training grounds. They didn’t want to get in trouble and they were actually scared of Reiko. Not many women go after him believe it or not. They begged you not to go but you were determined. You walked off on your own, your heart pumping with nervousness and excitement. As you expected you saw Reiko at the training grounds. Lucky you.
You hid behind a tree, not wanting to disturb his training. You looked with curious eyes as you watched him get some extra training in. His shurikens would strike the wooden dummy. His aim was precise. Every time he would fling them he would let out a grunt that made your stomach do twirls. The way the sweat on his muscles glistened in the moonlight and how his hair slightly blew in the light breeze made you think you were looking at nature’s finest specimen. You didn’t realize you were being drawn towards him in that moment and you stepped over a stick. It snapped and Reiko’s head snapped towards your direction. You gasp as you went back to hiding behind the tree. You were worried you had ruined everything. Closer and closer you heard him make his way towards you in a quick pace. Then there was silence. In one fell swoop he turned the corner and was right in front of you, pushing you against the tree. His knife was out but once he realized it was you he made sure not to have it too close.
“Oh, it’s just the general’s daughter. Why are you out here so late?” He spoke to you in his usual gruff voice.
You couldn’t say anything since you were so excited that he actually spoke to you. You stared up at him all stupid-like but with eyes filled with awe. Reiko was very confused but he backed away from you once he realized he was way too close. He put his knife away and was thinking of just leaving you be before thinking for a second. If somehow you got hurt while out here alone his ass could be on the line. The last thing he wants is for the general to see that his daughter got hurt and find out that his loyal lieutenant let her walk away all alone in the night. Yeah, no, not willing to risk it.
“Come on, let me get you back home. Your father won’t like this.” He warned you but you didn’t care.
He yanked on your arm and dragged you away, gently though cause he can’t hurt you in the slightest. You instinctively wrapped your arms around his arm. He flinched and was about to push you away but he stopped himself.
Don’t hurt the general’s daughter. Don’t hurt the general’s daughter.
He groaned but kept walking while you clung onto him. You kept staring up at him all starry eyed. He looks even more handsome up close. He felt your eyes on him and he had no idea what was up with you. Actually everyone’s eyes were on him and you. The general’s daughter was clinging onto a man? Impossible! Reiko was letting a woman cling onto him? That’s even more impossible! It was so frustrating to him to be in this position but he had a task and he had to finish it.
The moment he brought you to the door of your home and the door opened you were off him immediately. That dazed expression was gone and you looked focused as you looked up at your dad. Reiko was confused but carried on as he explained that he was just bringing you home. Shao thanked Reiko for bringing you back home safe and before he could scold you, you gave him those sad puppy dog eyes that get you out of most situations. And then the excuses came about how you lost track of time, you got separated from your friends, some of them bailed on you, blah, blah, blah. Shao just took all that you said as a fact. His sweet girl could never do wrong. You walked inside your home, giving Reiko a wave goodbye before closing the door. That smile on your face was full of joy. You were up in your room kicking your feet and thinking about your moment with Reiko. You’re definitely doing this again.
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It’s like every week at this point. You go out with friends, you sneak off to see Reiko training, he catches you and brings you home, you make up your excuses, rinse and repeat.
Reiko caught on that this was definitely intentional. He started letting you stay with him for a bit, not wanting to cut his training time just for you. Then y’all started talking. You talked about your home life, what you like to do, your hobbies, your friends, etcétera etcétera. He first ignored you but the moment you seemed hurt by the fact he wasn’t listening he got his act together and started listening. Once he did he realized you weren’t that bad. You weren’t annoying or stupid. In fact you were even kind of cute when you told him about your life. Woah, did he just find someone cute?
He started opening up to you, speaking about his past and his present. It actually made him feel better to have someone listen to what happened to him other than Shao. He was surprised that even when he said something negative about your dad you wouldn’t judge him or having him punished for speaking his mind. Even he who is loyal to Shao can get upset by the things he does.
You and Reiko grew closer and closer to the point you guys would forget how late it was getting. He would immediately rush you home, holding your hand to guide you back. At this point Shao was getting highly suspicious of you. Why were you coming back so late and never coming back with your friends? You just shrugged it off and told him he was getting too worked up. You pushed your way inside and the moment your dad turned his back to you, you swiftly turned around, grabbed Reiko’s face, and placed a light kiss on his lips. He was stunned but couldn’t say anything in that moment. You just waved goodbye like usual and closed the door. So you just gonna leave a man hanging like that?
Alright clearly there was much more going on between you two. You made it clear to Reiko that you wanted to be something more. That explained your strange behavior from the beginning. You just had a mega crush on him. You got him hooked he won’t deny that. He’s never loved someone and he didn’t know how. All he knows is fighting and war. But you can teach him, and teach him you did. You both were learning and you found out what felt right for you two. The kissing, the touching, the love language. It slowly became clearer and you two were compatible. You were over the moon. Finally, you had a boyfriend. A man you can trust and felt safe with. Hopefully whenever your dad finds out he won’t kill Reiko. He can’t kill his best lieutenant, right?
Oh just remembering it all gives you butterflies. Sigh
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Did you have a good time going down memory lane? Good! Cause someone is knocking on your window. Go open it!
You yank the curtains away and see Reiko at your windowsill. You quickly open the window and he leaps in. You are surprise by the fact he managed to climb all that way up to your window just to see you again. It was risky since you should be asleep at this time but you were up thinking about Reiko nonstop.
“What are you doing here? I thought you would have already left.” You whisper to him.
“How could I stay away from my woman. We just can’t get caught.” He picks you up in his strong arms and starts to kiss you.
He was much more rough in every sort of way. That means his kisses are too. You don’t mind at all. You like it. You like how rough he can get considering you were always treated so delicately.
Your legs wrap around his waist and your arms wrap around his neck while you two keep kissing. Your hands hold his face, letting your fingers feel his stubble. He walks over to your bed and places you down on it. You look up at him with the same sense of awe you got when you first saw him training.
“I think I’ll stay for the night. I did put in the effort to sneak in here, I think I deserve to stay.” He whispers in your ear.
You don’t say anything, you just smile and nod your head frantically to say yes. You two have done this before but you always get super happy to get the chance to have him sleep in your bed.
You know what makes it even better? Skin to skin contact!
He starts to take his armor off and places it down gently on the floor. Too much metal on there, it’s gonna freaking wake up your parents if it hits the floor. You take off your clothes as well. You thought you would be more nervous to get naked in front of somebody. You can’t even talk to other guys how are you gonna strip in front of them. But seeing how Reiko shows off his body with little shame since his armor exposes him quite a bit you felt that there was nothing to be worried about. If guys can have their chest out why can’t girls? Same thing, different structure.
Once you two were both naked you guys got into your bed, the sheets being the only thing to cover you both. He brings you in closer, his rough skin contrasting with your soft skin. His hands wander as he goes back to kissing you. Your hands went up to his head let down his hair. Your fingers rake through the thick strands. You wish he could always have his hair down. He looks so hot when he has it down.
You spend the rest of the time talking to each other, whispering to prevent anyone from hearing you. The close contact combined with the loving eye contact made you realize how lucky you are. Though Reiko is not perfect when it comes to love he does his best for you.
At the end of the night you two slowly succumb to the tiredness. He holds you close to him while he lays his head on your chest. It’s like his own personal pillow. He listens to your heartbeat as it slows down. Your arms are wrapped around his head as you caress him to sleep. Before you fall asleep yourself you have one more thing to say to him.
“I love you.” One more kiss to his forehead and you’re out like a light.
After notes: I want that man. I want that scary man. I wanna lick him. My fiancé pointed out that his nipples are too dark I don’t know why he ever pointed that out. It sent me into a spiral and I asked him who else got dark nipples and he said all of them. Fucking…really?! Anyways yeah I just wanted to switch it up cause I was doing SO MUCH when it came to the Lin Kuei brothers. I have no issue writing for them but it’s like I gotta do something else or I’ll start hating it. Not anyone’s fault that’s just how I am. Hope y’all can enjoy this. Adiós!
60 notes · View notes
appleblueberry-pie · 2 days
Note
Can can… we reject yan gojo? I actually deeply need it. *shakes head* My spirit guides told me it’s beneficial to my life’s journey. Him just being so down bad and we could never. Gojo is not our type. He’s tall but we aren’t compatible. I want angst, despair, his tears, pleads. Desperation. This would be even juicier if it’s based in like school because now he’s going to have to live out his adult life hoping 😔
This felt more like a regular teenage confession gone wrong.
I imagine waking up to him being at your dorm room door confessing, haha.
You've been up on your phone for like 20 minutes, but it's still extremely early. You're in your pj's and you drag yourself to the door, and he's there in the same state, a guilty smile on his face. You both knew it would happen sooner or later though. Lately, he's been staring at you as if he's gonna explode if he doesn't talk to you. You tried to avoid him, but here he is now.
"Hey, I just.......can I tell you something real quick?" Hands in his pocket as he speaks. You sigh and shrug. ".....Just say it. I don't care."
The things he planned on saying wasn't something that should elicit an "i don't care". He knows you'll turn him down. He lets out a shaky breath before finally rambling.
"I just wanted to say that I have been feeling differently about you lately. Like, I really love to spend time with you and talk with you, it just makes my day whenever you're around-" It felt so unnatural now that he was saying it out loud. And your face was beginning to change into a not-so-good look. "You always talk to me, make me feel included, you just do everything so nicely, I can't like...look away from you sometimes because you're so bright. I just.....I feel like I can be myself when you're there, and I just wanted to say that I feel really attracted to you, and I am in love with you."
"..........................."
He wasn't sure what face you were making. It looked like you wanted to pull a neutral face, but you were also simultaneously surprised and confused and frustrated. He doesn't know. You were still and weren't speaking and he felt like he was going to throw up. So, he kept talking.
"I can't ignore how I feel about you anymore. I wanted to, like, leave you alone, but you taught me to not ignore my feelings and always tell someone about them, so here I am. I don't know if you feel the same way," You didn't. "But, like, everything about you is fucking amazing and I can't just.....look, please just say something." He awkwardly laughed and shuffled in his spot while you kept staring up at him like he had another head. You didn't say a word. He shuffled his hair and pulled at it anxiously and still kept talking.
"I know what you're thinking......but like please give me a chance." Your lip twitched nervously and you took a very small step back, which he, of course, noticed. "I know! I know I'm being weird right now, it's just, like, I could give you everything you want, you know?? Like, I'll pay for your stuff, I could take you wherever you want to go, you like that one sushi place before right?? I can give you all the attention you want, I could- I could, um.....I could like scare off any guys bothering you, I can drive-" No, he can't. "I'll be so good to you, I promise. Please."
You sigh and shake your head. "Gojo...." "What will it take??? I'll do anything, I just really want to be yours, you understand, right??" He backed up a little to give you space and spoke in a low volume not to alert anyone from their sleep since it was still super early. "You're not my type." You just tell him flat out, but he still tries to find any possibility, which you immediately crushed. "Like, at all, Gojo. I don't want anything that you have in my dream guy. I don't want you and probably never will."
It doesn't make any sense to him at all. He just stands there extremely confused. "........what?" "I don't want you, I'm sorry." And you shut the door.
Words can't even explain how he feels right now. He never thought at all at the possibility that he wasn't even anything close to what you desire in a man at all. It just felt so unreal for that to even be a possibility. Was it his voice? His hair? His face? What the fuck was it? Was he not skinny enough? Does he need to gain weight and muscle? He doesn't even fucking know what your type is because he always thought it would be something like him. Now he's entirely lost. What did all of those lost lives and kidnappings mean if you won't even love him?
He doesn't ever want to force you into anything, but even he doesn't know how far he'll take it. He already has a hard time not killing your ex-friends or people you don't get along with. And he definitely can't stop stalking you anytime soon, there's too much to figure out about you. There's too much time that he's dedicated to just you. And it has to all be for a reason, there fucking has to be. He's not loving you for nothing.......does he have to kill more people? Is he going to have to take you by force? He's lost and doesn't like his options.
"Hm."
114 notes · View notes
oliviablancmom · 20 hours
Text
"Pedriiii - Part III"
Pairing: Pedri Gonzalez x singlemom!OC
Themes: Fluff, Angst.
N/A: So, it's finally here!!! I'm sorry for the delay, but it was hard to write this chapter, either because I piled up my work, or because the characters took a while to talk to me, now they can't stay quiet. I know I said this would be the last chapter, but I can't do math, so this is probably the penultimate one and the next one will be the last (or not, idk). Anyway, enough talking because you guys waited a long time for this. Enjoy!!!!
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Pedri was a patient person, his profession demanded it. During the 90 minutes or more that he touched the ball on the field and created plays in anticipation of goals, he knew he needed patience to reach the right moment to achieve his objective. He knew patience because of his injuries and the recovery time he had to deal with, as well as the hurtful comments that cast doubt on his talent, effort, and dedication. Patience sometimes eluded him during a game when a referee made a wrong call or overlooked something on the field. Patience sometimes eluded him when the boys teased him during training.
But lately patience eluded him when it came to her... Isabella Harver was driving him crazy, and that, at the moment, was beyond his clear attraction to the woman since the first time he saw her. It had more to do with the fact that she had been ignoring him since the last night they spent together, where everything ended chaotically, with no explanation from her. And that was bothering him, not the lack of explanation itself. Pedri could deduce how complicated the situation was from what he witnessed, but not knowing how Axel was, how they both were, hurt him more than he expected. Pedri wanted to understand what was happening, wanted to help in some way, and wanted to understand how someone could leave a child like Axel in that way. The player himself didn't understand his obsession with the incident; he didn't have the right to explanations. But something inside him tightened every time he remembered the child's anguished cry and Isa's frightened look.
"You know, if it were me receiving the news that I could play again, I'd be more excited than this," Gavi pointed at Pedri. "Is Isa still keeping you in the dark?" Pedri looked annoyed at Gavi. " What? You're pretty obvious about your feelings towards her. Your luck is that you don't run into her much around here," Gavi shrugged, and Pedri threw a towel at his face. "Your reaction just proves my point..."
"There's no feelings, it's just..." Pedri couldn't finish his sentence as he was interrupted by Gavi bursting into laughter, causing Pedri to roll his eyes.
"Dude, you've been drooling over her since the first time you saw her. I'm your best friend, you can admit it to me," Gavi said after calming down.
"It's complicated," Pedri says after a few seconds of silence.
"I think you guys are making it more complicated than it is," Gavi concluded patting Pedri's shoulder and letting him alone with his thoughts. Pedri thought Gavi was right, but he also had a point. It was true, that the woman had a strange magnetism that attracted him, but there was everything else that made their relationship complicated that he couldn't simply ignore.
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Isa was sitting at her father's kitchen table, watching Axel bake a cake with Gianna, or rather, his "Gigi" as the little boy called the older woman, his grandfather's girlfriend, who despite loving the child, joked that she was too young to be called a grandmother, yet. Isa loved the affection she had for Axel, and was grateful for her presence in her father's life, and theirs too, after all, who else would teach Axel to cook considering Isa was a disaster in the kitchen?
"Can we add M&Ms? My friend Pedri loves them, so I can bring him some cake tomorrow," Axel suggested eagerly.
"Of course we can, it's your cake," the older woman said, kissing the child's head as he celebrated excitedly.
He didn't even seem like the scared child from two nights ago when she picked him up from his paternal grandparents' house. Just remembering the state he was in made Isa feel sick to her stomach. The situation had gone too far, and she wouldn't allow it to happen again.
"Axel talks a lot about Pedri," Isa looked at her father, who had approached quietly, and as she faced him, she just knew he wanted to ask something, but he would never do it directly.
"He befriended with some players." She shrugged backing her attention to her son.
"He also told me he was the one who brought you guys home that night," the man continued in his not-so-subtle attempt to extract something from his daughter.
"Yes, we were at a barça event, and I needed a ride, and he was the only sober one..." The man smiled gently at his daughter; he knew her better than anyone and knew her ways of avoiding a subject.
"When are you and Axel going back to your house?" He asked.
"Are you kicking us out? Don't you love us anymore?" Isa pouted dramatically, earning an eye roll from the older man.
"I adore having you around... Especially when it's by choice and not because you're running away from someone, even though, I don't know from who you are hiding," Isa turned to the man, confused.
"You can't let that man and his family continue to torment you and Axel, Isabella. You shouldn't even be trying to get close to those people."
"Those people, are Axel's family too."
"They don't care about him, and you know it. They only care about making your life a hell"
Isa didn't answer, not knowing exactly how she should respond even though she knew her father was right, she tried to have a good relationship with them because of Axel, but since that night some days ago, she was willing to give up on that, her child didn't deserve all that stress.
"He's going to invite him to his birthday," Isa looked confused at her father. "Pedri!" He exclaims. "I'm just informing you that I won't tolerate any trouble in my house, if this is going to cause trouble, it's better to tell Henry and his family not to come." Isa looked surprised at the man, as if she had been caught doing something, the older man's eyes indicated that he knew something, and that made the woman feel a strange feeling.
"There won't be an trouble, why would be?" She asked nervously as she got up.
"My beloved and favorite daughter..." The ironic smile on her father's face made Isa roll her eyes.
"It would be strange if I weren't, been your only one" she responded mimicking his tone.
"I know you think you're subtle, but you have the most emotive and transparent eyes there are," he said, kissing Isa's head, who didn't respond.
Her father's remark left a bitter taste and a strange sensation in her core. Isa was aware of her not-so-small attraction to the player, but it was just that, attraction. She couldn't develop feelings, let alone be expressive about them. She sighed in frustration as she drove to the training center, just hoping not to encounter the player.
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"Hey, guys," Ferran says as he enters the physiotherapy room. "Look, Pedri. Who I bumped into on my way here," Pedri lifted his eyes from his phone towards his friend. "Mini you."
"Pedriiii" Axel said, running into the physiotherapy room, but stopped and walked slowly to the bed where Pedri was lying.
"Hey buddy, I didn't see you these days," Pedri said to the little boy, who leaned against the bed, resting his head and attentively watching every move of the physiotherapist. "Are you okay?"
"Mom is looking for schools for me," he said rolling his little eyes, eliciting laughter from the players.
"I feel you, buddy," Ferran said, running his hand through Axel's hair. "Can I do it too?" Axel asked after a few minutes of silence while watching the physiotherapist tape the small electrical wrist electrodes onto Pedri's leg to start the treatment. The physiotherapist looked at Pedri as if asking for permission, and the player felt his chest warm at the thought of being responsible for the little boy.
"Won't it be too strong for him?" Pedri asked, concerned. The man smiled at him, shaking his head.
"I'll set it to a low frequency. It'll feel like tickles." Pedri then looked at Axel, who was looking at him expectantly, waiting for the player's response.
"Alright, let's do it, buddy," Pedri laughed as the little boy jumped excitedly. The doctor picked him up and placed him on the bed next to Pedri.
"If only all my players were this excited about physiotherapy sessions," the older man said with a sigh, making Pedri laugh.
"I'm quite cooperative."
"I won't comment, so as not to embarrass you in front of the child."
"I'm not worse than Gavi," Pedri said offended.
"You're impatient, and Gavi is... Well, Gavi," Pedri chuckled. "Come on, little buddy, I'm going to turn it on, let me know if it hurts."
Axel nodded, reaching out his hand for Pedri to hold, and the player promptly held. Axel closed one of his eyes in expectation, but as soon as it started he let out a laugh.
"Aw, it tickles," Axel laughed with wide eyes looking at the player.
"Oh, I wish mine was just a tickle..." Ferran sighed as he lay down on the examination table. Pedri nodded in agreement and then turned his attention to Axel, who seemed frustrated.
"Is everything okay, buddy?" The little boy looked at Pedri and made a face.
"This is boring, can I take it off?" Pedri chuckled at the child's impatience. In the short time he had known Axel, he knew Axel was too energetic and talkative for a physiotherapy session.
"Of course, let me help you." Pedri leaned over to remove the equipment from Axel's leg. Once he finished, the little boy jumped off the table excitedly and began walking around the room, examining every detail.
Pedri and Ferran laughed as they watched him carefully follow the physiotherapist, curious about the man's work. Then Axel grabbed a band and went over to Pedri, mimicking the therapist's movements.
"You've lost your job, Mattia," the older man chuckled as he watched the scene unfold.
After exploring everything in the room and asking about each piece of equipment, Axel grew tired and went to sit on the same examination table as Pedri, his little legs on the player's lap. He casually recounted to Pedri about the schools he had visited with his mother. The little boy didn't seem as scared as when Isa had found him that night, but he also wasn't the same boy the player had gotten used to, which intrigued and worried Pedri.
Before he could continue the conversation with the boy, the scent of the perfume that had been etched in his mind hit him, and immediately his eyes darted to the door. And there she was, three days since he last saw the woman, and she looked even more beautiful. Realizing where his thoughts were, he shook his head. He was angry at her; she had put him in various kinds of situations and simply disappeared, leaving him in the dark, confused, and distressed with a whirlwind of emotions.
"Axel... What did I say about you wandering around?" Axel jumped in surprise at the woman's voice. The reaction made Pedri laugh.
"Hi, Mommy... But it was just a little bit, just to get here, then I sat down, right Pedri?" Axel said in a sweet voice, clearly attempting to deceive his mother, and Pedri had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing at the boy's excuse. "Right, Pedri?" He repeated, poking Pedri.
"Oh sure, he sat the whole time," Pedri said, looking at Isa, and noticed she was also holding back laughter.
"Oh, great. You found someone else to cover for you besides your grandpa. You can't be friends if you're going to be against me," she said, crossing her arms. Axel shrugged with a mischievous smile. "We need to go home, baby," she said, and Axel's smile faded. He stood up and moved behind the player, hugging his neck.
"No, I want to stay here," he said in a whiny voice. Pedri looked at Isa as if seeking answers. The woman sighed and sat on the examination table next to the player, her mere proximity already causing sensations in Pedri.
"Axel, sweetheart. You need to let Pedri get back to his physiotherapy; you don't want him to get back to playing?" She said softly.
"He can stay, I don't mind," Pedri said quietly to the woman, who simply nodded and leaned against the wall. Pedri and Isa's gazes didn't waver, both maintaining eye contact as if engaged in a silent conversation, seeking answers.
Isa looked away when the physiotherapist returned to the room, giving a brief smile to the woman.
"Five more minutes, and I'll let them go," he said to Isa, who just nodded, confused. "Your boys were very cooperative, one doing the exercises correctly, and the other helping me treat the other players." Upon hearing this, Pedri saw the woman's face turn red, her eyes widened, and then she began to cough. "Oh, dear. Are you alright? Would you like some water?" Mattia asked, approaching and patting the woman's back.
"It's the excitement of seeing her two boys," Ferran's voice, which Pedri thought had been sleeping until now, startled him, and the woman's coughing increased as she looked at him with a deadly glare.
"I'll wait outside," she said, leaving the room. Pedri looked at Ferran, who had a mocking smile on his face, and grabbed a bottle and threw it at him.
"What, I'm lightening the mood; the tension between you two is palpable. I was sleeping and could still feel it." Pedri decided to ignore his friend since Axel was looking at both with curiosity.
"Hey buddy, why don't you go see your mom? I'll be there in a bit." The little boy nodded and hopped off the examination table, running out of the room just as Mattia returned to release Pedri. The player then left the room, a bit apprehensive that they might have already left, but to his surprise, both were waiting in the hallway. Isa was crouched down at Axel's height, helping him search for something in his backpack.
"You can give him his later or ask Pedri to give it to him," Pedri heard Isa say to the boy.
"Hey," Pedri said, stopping beside them. "Is everything okay?" Isa just nodded.
"Here, is an invitation to my birthday party. You're coming, right?" Axel said, handing the envelope to Pedri, eagerly awaiting his response.
"Of course, buddy," Pedri said, tousling Axel's hair, who smiled excitedly and hugged Pedri's leg.
"I'll go deliver Ferran's," the boy said, turning to his mother, waiting for her approval, and as soon as she agreed, he ran back to the physiotherapy room. Pedri turned his attention to the woman who was staring intensely at him, feeling his heart race at the intensity of her gaze.
"Do you want to come with us to have some birthday cake?" She said, breaking the silence between them, and God, the softness of her voice... If she used that tone to ask the player anything, he would gladly accept.
"Is his birthday today?" Pedri asked, concerned. The boy had mentioned his birthday, but hadn't mentioned dates.
"Tomorrow. The party will be next week because of the game this weekend, but he has a cake to sing 'Happy Birthday' at midnight, it's tradition. He'll be happy if you're there;" she said, leaning against the wall. Pedri took a step towards her, coming face to face with the woman, their faces just inches apart, and he could feel her heavy breath.
"Just him?" Pedri asked, and he saw the woman furrow her eyebrows in confusion. "Will only he like it if I'm there?" he asked eagerly, Isa swallowed, her eyes scanning the player's face. "Oh... You're so beautiful" Pedri says taking a good look at her face, he lowers his face towards hers his lips brushing against hers. Pedri thought his attraction to the woman was just a result of a night out at a club. Even though he hadn't had a single drop of alcohol in his body, the atmosphere of such places always had something extra. But whether it was now, or when he caught a brief glimpse of Isa as he saw her through the training center, he knew it was something more.
"Mom, we'll need an invitation for Mattia too..." Axel's voice emerging again in the hallway causes Pedro and Isa to abruptly pull away, and Pedro is thankful because he is inches away from forgetting where they were and doing something with the woman right there.
"We'll bring it tomorrow," Isa says, her breath heavy. "Shall we go home now? We still need to stop by Pops to get your cake."
"YESSS," Axel says excitedly, then turns his attention back to Pedro. "Do you want to come to eat my cake?" Pedri smiles at the question, not at the question itself, but at the way he asked it, with the same intonation that his mother had used earlier. Isa smiled proudly at Pedri as if she understood what he was thinking.
"Of course, buddy. I'd love to."
"YAY," Axel exclaimed excitedly, jumping onto the player so that he could lift him. Pedri smiled at the little boy, planting a kiss on the top of his head, and as he walked down the hallway, with Axel in his arms and Isa by his side, his only thought was that he could and wanted to get used to this... definitively.
********************************************
The way to her father's house, it was silent, well, at least on Isa's part, considering that Axel and Pedri were engaged in an intense conversation about Axel starting at Barça's football school. Isa had even tried to join the conversation but soon stopped trying, feeling like she was intruding on something of theirs. And if she didn't know how much her son loved her, she would start feeling jealous of what he had with the player. Speaking of him, Isa was feeling nervous about his presence, and she began to wonder where her head was when she invited him to eat Axel's birthday cake, but before she knew it, the words were already coming out of her mouth, so now she has to deal with his presence, and that makes her nervous.
When she stopped in front of her father's house, she was immensely grateful that his reaction was just that of a Barcelona fan, not that of a curious father, or it would add even more to her nervousness.
The player and her father spent about 10 minutes talking about soccer, Pedri's injury, and his return to the field. Of course, the conversation between the two eventually led to Axel casually asking his grandfather, "But pops, I thought Gavi was your favorite." The question made the man choke in embarrassment, and Pedri laughed at the situation. But Isa knew her son, and for him to be "against" his grandfather, considering how close they were, the only reason was that her child was jealous of the player.
As soon as they arrived at the apartment, Axel insisted on showing the player his room, who wasn't at all surprised to see that it was all decorated in Barcelona colors. Isa listened to their interaction from the kitchen until the player's surprised tone caught her attention, and she sneakily walked to the boy's room.
"Axel, what's this?" Pedri was facing the wall, looking at Axel's photo mural, and Isa knew exactly what had caught his attention. "Is Gavi your favorite too?" he asked indignantly.
"Nooo," the boy said laughing, and Pedri turned to him with narrowed eyes.
"You're not being convincing laughing like that," the player concluded, taking a photo with his phone, probably to send to his friend.
"Show him your shirts, honey," Isa said, appearing in the doorway, catching the attention of both. Axel ran to the closet, pulling the player with him, and Isa saw the player's surprised face; Axel had several Barcelona shirts, all with the number 8 and the player's name.
"Okay, I can forgive you now, buddy," Pedri laughs, tousling Axel's hair, as he bends down to pick something from the drawer. "Of course, there's one to ruin the fun." He shows Isa the shirt with Gavi's number, making her burst into laughter.
"It's a gift from pops, I told you Gavi is his favorite," Axel says, finding the situation amusing as well.
"Axel, sweetheart, go take a shower so we can cut your cake," Isa says to her son, who eagerly runs to the bathroom. Isa was thankful every day that he hadn't yet reached the phase where children dislike bathing.
Her attention returned to the player, who was looking at her expectantly once again. Isa wasn't sure what to do; she had never brought anyone to her apartment before, and the player made her nervous.
"Let's go to the kitchen," she said in a lower tone, and Pedri nodded, following her out of the room. Along the way, he examined the various photos scattered around the place, stopping in front of another photo wall in the living room, and analyzing each one.
And Isa took the opportunity to observe him. God, he was so handsome, she thought. Everything about him, the hair, the beard. Isa had seen many comments from the player's fans asking him to get rid of the beard, but she would protest against that.
"Earth to Isabella," Isa snapped out of her thoughts when she saw the player standing right in front of her. "What were you thinking that made you blush like that?" Pedri had a playful grin on his face, that made Isa distance herself abruptly from him.
"What were you talking about?" She asked breathlessly.
"You have a photo with Gavi too," he showed the Polaroid to Isa. "Does he spend a lot of time with you guys? I'm starting to think your whole family has a not-so-subtle crush on Gavira," Pedri tried to say nonchalantly, but his clenched jaw gave away a flash of jealousy, making Isa laugh, and then she approached the player.
"Are you jealous of Gavi?" Isa felt the player's hand on her waist pulling her closer, once again her face just inches away from his, Isa could feel her heart beating so fast she was sure the player could hear it, and that was very new for her. "I took the photo to make my dad jealous. Axel and I don't joke when we say he's his favorite. Also, he spends a few days in the office after his physiotherapy and recovery sessions. He's too impatient to just watch you guys training," Isa also suspected that this wasn't the only reason he visited her in the administrative part of the training center, but she wouldn't talk about it now.
Pedri nodded and leaned in towards the woman, Isa held her breath, and before she could feel the player's lips, her phone rang. She stepped back, and Pedri muttered a curse word. As soon as she saw who it was, all the ecstasy and calmness of the moment vanished. She hung up the call, and it didn't take long for the device to beep, indicating the arrival of messages.
"Answer the damn phone!!!"
"What are you thinking!!!! Are you out of your mind? First, you invade my parents' house and take my son, and now you're hanging out with teenagers?"
Isa felt her body go cold when Henry sent numerous photos taken by fans showing her leaving the training center with Pedri and Axel in the player's arms.
"I'm coming right now, that damn player better not be with you, or I'll do something stupid. We're still married, and the judge will know that"
Isa felt her whole life being sucked out of her; she knew Henry didn't care about Axel, it wasn't about him but about her, and the mere possibility of her being with someone else.
"Pedri, you better go," Isa said, turning to the player who was looking at her attentively.
"What happened?" He asked, concerned. He tried to approach, but Isa stepped back, feeling tears rolling down her face.
"Isa... You're just like that night, you need to tell me what's going on." He tried to get closer again, and once again Isa backed away, she saw the hurt expression on the player's face, and it hurt her own heart a little.
"This can't keep happening, you leaving me in the dark like this... Seeing you like this, seeing how Axel was that night, it's tormenting me," Pedri said impatiently.
"This is none of your business," Isa said firmly, wiping the tears from her face. Pedri opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, he ran his hand through his beard in an irritated gesture. Isa saw her phone vibrating again, and another message from Henry appeared
"Is this why you're asking for a divorce? Oh baby, if you think I'm going to let that boy near you..."
"Go away, Pedri," Isa repeated. Pedri didn't respond, he just turned and left the apartment.
"Pedriiii" Axel's voice calling the player from the room was all it took for Isa to collapse into uncontrollable tears.
**********************************************
Pedri was relieved to be back on the team's list for a match after his injury recovery time. The medical department was still cautious about clearing him, and with the Champions League quarterfinal games coming up, he would have to endure one more match before being on the field. But just being able to be on the bench with his teammates already felt like a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. However, he couldn't ignore a certain heaviness weighing on his chest, and it was ruining his mood, with the person responsible just a few meters away from him in the tunnel leading to the field, too focused on her phone to notice anything around her.
"Dude, she's gonna melt if you keep staring at her like that," Ferran said, approaching his friend. "I thought HR was clear with you guys, and you're not being subtle at all."
Pedri rolled his eyes at the memory of what happened. After leaving the woman's apartment, his phone received a flood of notifications with tags on his photo with Isa and Axel, leading them both to explain to HR. Well, Isabella explained, claiming they were just colleagues, and that her son was a big fan and happened to run into the player in the parking lot, and that was their only interaction. Pedri was shocked at how easily the woman lied, or rather, omitted information, as she left out that a large part of their interaction occurred when they both were naked.
Pedri could feel the same irritation he felt on the day of the meeting returning at that moment, especially when he saw a man in Atlético's coaching staff approaching the woman. Pedri saw the woman's entire body language change suddenly, assuming a more defensive posture, and this intrigued him.
Pedri could hear Ferran talking beside him, but he wasn't paying attention to what he was saying exactly, his focus completely on the woman. And when the man grabbed Isa's arm forcefully, pulling her towards him with his finger in her face, Pedri saw red, his legs moving before he could think to do so. He heard Ferran calling him, but his voice was already distant, Pedri pushed the man hard, getting him off Isa.
"Look, one of your kids is here," the man said in an ironic tone, and that was enough for Pedri to punch him in the face, and soon they were grappling with each other. And that was enough for a general commotion to start in the tunnel, players pushing players, coaching staff from both teams trying to break up the fight. Pedri felt a hand on his arm, squeezing it tightly, pulling him away from the crowd.
"You can't do this!" The woman's voice brought him back from his trance suddenly, he was alert to everything around him again, notice that he was in another room, he looked at Isa, who had a furious look on her face.
"Are you okay?" Pedri asked, approaching the woman, holding her face between his hands, Isa looked at him confused.
"If I'm okay?" She asked incredulously, Pedri lowered his eyes to the woman's arm, which bore the marks of the man's grip, and again he felt anger consuming him. "Do you have any idea what you've done? The trouble you've caused me, that you've caused both of us?" She asked, getting agitated.
"I was defending you!" Pedri shouted back.
"I didn't ask for that, I didn't ask for your help!" Pedri raised his arms mockingly.
"Can you stop with this nonsense? You can't sleep with me, tell me 'it's not like that,' use your sweet tone of voice with me, claim my skin and thoughts, and then say it's none of my business." Isa opened her mouth to respond, but before she could say anything, the door swung open abruptly, instinctively Pedri pulled Isa behind him.
"What the hell was that? Have you gone crazy?" Pedri relaxed when he saw it was just Xavi, a very angry Xavi, and he knew he had messed up. The coach looked at Pedri's hand holding Isa's wrist. "Don't tell me you got into a fight over a woman, Pedri. Over a woman you and her swore was nothing when HR asked." He said in a calmer tone of voice.
"I was just defending min..."
"I told you not to tell me!" Xavi exclaimed annoyed. "Do you know the mess you've caused? This could cost us a lot. You're not gonna be on the bench, you're suspended, go home, Pedri." Pedri tried to say something but was soon stopped by Xavi, who was furious again. The door swung open again, and a member of the communication team entered the room.
"Isabella, we need you here, the match referee wants explanations, but the Atlético communication team wants to talk to you first," the girl called for Isa, who untangled herself from Pedri, before leaving the room she gave one last look at the player, and then left for good. Pedri turned around angrily, kicking the chair that was there.
"I guess your brother won't be able to deny this rumor on social media, right?" Xavi said breaking the silence, Pedri looked up to see his coach and could tell the older man had a slight smirk on his face. "Did you at least hit him properly?" Pedri just nodded, and Xavi gave a proud smile, patting the player's shoulder. "Go home, kid," said the older man leaving the room.
Pedro was soon escorted out of the stadium by a member of the coaching staff. Pedri didn't see Isa anymore, and that annoyed him, his phone soon beeped indicating a message from HR, for a new meeting, he rolled his eyes and before he could block the phone, a message from an unknown number arrived.
"I appreciate what you did, but this can't happen, things like this can ruin my, and especially your career. This was a mistake from the beginning, and whatever is happening or has happened between you and me, it's over here. Everything between us will be strictly professional. Please respect my decision, and I hope this doesn't ruin your friendship with Axel!!"
Pedri felt his heart tighten, and his breath caught in his throat, he always reassured his friends and himself, that everything between him and the woman was just a physical attraction, but at that moment, with that message, he was sure there was something more, and as much as she denied it, Pedri knew there was something more from her side too, but if she wanted to run away from it, and wanted everything to be professional, then, so be it.
**********************************************
N/A: Again, I apologize for the delay. I hope you liked it. I've revised this chapter many times, BUT as I promised to post it today, something must have slipped, I promise to review it during the week. Thank you for all the comments, likes, reblogs, and asks, I LOVE seeing your reaction and opinion, it warms my heart!!
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kteezy997 · 2 days
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Daddy's Boy-Part Nine//t.c.
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You put on the pair of blue linen pajamas that Timmy had set out for you. It felt so sweet and cozy to be wearing his soft, oversized pjs that smelled like him. He said he wanted to show you something, but you had no idea what to expect.
He led you to another room in the apartment. He flipped up the light switch and stood to the side to watch your reaction.
You looked around the room, and it looked like a little boy's dream come true. The bedding on the bunk beds was Hot Wheels themed, and on the floor, there were a few different Hot Wheels tracks with multiple lanes and loops for the cars to race on. There was a small basketball hoop, several action figures, and various sizes of monster trucks and toy cars. There was also a closet and a dresser under the TV. It was absolutely perfect for Theo. It was more than perfect. You were speechless.
Your heart was so warm, you thought of all the time and effort Timmy had put into surprising your son with his new room. You heart ached and you felt like crying.
"Timmy, this is..." you shook your head in awe, "amazing. He's going to love it. He's gonna freak out!" You hugged him, nuzzling your face into his neck.
Timmy squeezed you, "I hope so. He told me he'd like a bunk bed and then the rest is just stuff that's similar to what he has at your place, and other toys that I thought he would like. I don't know if he will or not." he shrugged.
"Of course he will!" you assured him, cupping his face and kissing him on the cheek. "You know what he likes, and you have great taste. Plus, you're his Daddy, he's obsessed with you. He would have loved his room, no matter what is in it, because it's at your house. He's gonna love spending time here with you."
You walked around the room, taking notice of the small details, the personal touches that Timmy added. Atop the dresser was a Willy Wonka Funko Pop figure and a chocolate brown Wonka top hat with the gold letters on it. It was so cute, and you knew that Theo would adore the memorabilia, as he had been watching his father's Wonka movie nonstop these days.
At the end of the dresser was a framed photo of the three of you that you had taken when you went out for pizza one night. "Awe, I love that picture. He's going to be so happy that you put it in his room."
"Yeah, we make a good little family." Timmy agreed, coming up behind you, placing his hand on the small of your back. "Are we going to tell him about us?"
You turned, slipping into his embrace, you took a moment to truly ponder over your response. "We shouldn't move too fast. Let's just enjoy where we are, and where this takes us."
"This. Meaning?"
"Our relationship. I know that we have been together before and clearly those feelings are still there; but I don't want Theo to get excited over something that might not last. I don't want to get hurt, but I worry more for him."
Timmy nodded, pulling you closer, putting his hand in your hair, tucking it behind your ear, "I want you to know that I am serious about you, y/n. It wasn't just sex or a one-time thing for me. I've been thinking for a while that I want us to be together, with Theo, as a family. I lo-"
You cut him off, putting your fingers over his lips, "You don't have to say it. Let's just take it slow. We can spend more time together, as a couple and the three of us. Theo will be so happy. You make us happy, Timmy."
He smiled, "Well, I'm glad to have you both in my life now." He then kissed you tenderly, holding you against his body.
……..
He offered to make you an omelet for breakfast, which you happily accepted because you were starved. But as you sat at the kitchen island, watching him cook, wearing those damn sweatpants, you started thinking that you wanted something other than food.
You got up from your chair, and as you moved around the island, you could get a whiff of his scent on the pjs you wore. You leaned against Timmy, putting your arms around him and tucking your chin on his shoulder as he finished cooking.
You needed more of that smell, and you wanted him to notice you. You put your fingers on the collar of your shirt, bringing it to your nose and inhaling the sweet smell laced into the fabric.
He looked down at you with a quirky smile on his face. “What are you doing?”
"Smelling." you answered, innocently with a tiny smirk.
"Why?" he chuckled, briefly turning his attention to the omelet in the skillet.
"Because the shirt smells like you." you said, then kissed him on the lips.
"Hm." Timmy hummed onto your lips as he pressed his own onto them. "You're acting like you like me or something." he teased as your lips parted from him.
"Because I do. Want me to prove it?" you dared, running your hand along his chest, slowly.
He tilted his head a little bit as he turned to look at you, "You don't want breakfast?"
You looked ahead of you and turned the knob to switch the stove off. "Maybe later." you suggested. You let him turn, facing away from the oven. You sank down to you knees, placed one hand on his thigh, the other snaked into the vertical opening at his crotch. You pulled his cock through the hole, stroking his length.
Timmy met your gaze when you looked up at him, the look of desire and awe in his eyes made you wet, made you tremble with the need to please him.
You put your lips around the tip of his cock, letting him slide into the wetness of your mouth. You moaned softly around the girth of him. You let saliva seep from your mouth and down his length.
He combed his fingers through your hair, bunching it all up into a wad in his fist. "I'll take this over breakfast any day." he admitted with a soft chuckle.
You sucked and slurped along his cock, bobbing your head and running your tongue along his shaft: anything to make him moan or let out a little grunt. You happily gulped down the cum shot he gave you within just a few minutes.
Afterward, he picked you up, and placed you on the kitchen counter. "Now I get to return the favor." he cooed, nudging your nose with his, grinning.
He had nestled between your legs and started to kiss your neck, but you looked at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was nearly 11 a.m. "Timmy, we can do that later. We should get cleaned up and ready to pick up Theo from my parents." You placed your hands on his upper arms, softly rubbing them.
He sighed, "You're right." He leaned in, kissing you, saying, "Maybe we can take him to the park nearby, yeah?" he raised his brows at you.
“Sounds good to me.” you replied, pecking his lips. “It’s a prefect day for him to play outside for a bit.”
“Let’s get a shower.” Timmy said, and you could hear his excitement as he grabbed your hand, leading you to the bathroom.
……
You and Timmy went to your parents’ place together to pick up Theo. He didn’t know his father would be there, so you knew he would be thrilled to see him.
Theo tilted his head, frowning in confusion when he saw you both. But it only lasted a second and he ran to you. “Mommy!” he cheered as he jumped into your open arms.
You hugged your boy quickly then loosened your grip on him so he could look at his father. “Daddy! I missed you!” he said, leaping into Timmy’s arms.
Timmy caught him with grace, squeezing the boy snuggly and cupping the back of his head, saying, “Ugh, I missed you too.”
@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @lixzey @bitchyunknownuser @ducktapebar @aoi-targaryen @yukideadinside @mel-vaz @thatoneweirdgirl17 @iwishchalamet @jindongdongie @elloise0 @rennyd26 @briefkittenearthquake @that-one-fangirl69 @sammy-halpert
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the-brash-spud · 1 day
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Marvel's looks
So you know how it is at least an older canon established that Billy as Marvel looks like his dad or at least what he remembers his dad to look like? I personally lean into a second option of how he remembers his dad because it makes it more interesting plus it helps with the whole awkwardness of him looking like a semi-random or completely random (depends what canon you're going for) dead dude.
So here's the differences I see Billy as Captain having compared to his dad or things that come from his dad's little quirks!
Height: Billy remembers his dad as being massive because he himself was a tiny baby boy. So yeah. Marvel isn't a walking 6'4" feet tall dude because that's his "peak" or whatever but that's how tall comparatively Billy's dad looked like to him at when he was like 4 vs 8 years old.
Build: CC was the strongest man Billy has ever known. He could lift all of them: his mom, his sister and him; proudly proclaiming he is holding his entire universe in his arms. So naturally he was super strong which called for super muscles! So that's why Marvel is build like a tank while CC most likely had a healthy amount muscles from excavating and such but nowhere as much as Marvel and unlike Marvel would've also had a solid amount of extra squish too (we stand dad bods, lmao).
Cleanliness: You know how a decent amount of people have Marvel have a neat self-cleaning option that just comes with the magic form? I personally like the perpetually perfect hairstyle from one of the fanfics I read that joked about it. Even if this might not be something I'll always use to it's maximum extend. Either way. I like to think that the cleanliness of Captain Marvel comes from the fact that CC liked to be overall clean and put together when seeing people or generally outside around the public and generally portray himself as professional: as in wearing full business in casual business because he likes the feeling wearing a suit gives him (Yeah, I see CC to be a weirdo actually enjoying suits and his wife finds it to be an extremely adorable quirk she loves because they both get to be the dressed to the nines couple!)
Face: OK so this one is going to have a bit of sub bits here because I gave CC glasses. I know when he is shown he usually doesn't have them but I have a reason for it and I'll get to it:
4.1. Nose: The shape is different from CC's simply because glasses hide a decent portion of the nose bridge depending on what sort of glasses you get. But generally the bridge would be a bit larger for Marvel.
4.2. Eyes: So you know how in older depictions of Marvel he always squints? You know when people also squint? When they're trying to see better! So yeah for me Marvel has a perpetual squint because he doesn't wear glasses unlike his dad. Who, whenever he took them off, also squinted to see (sometimes exaggerating it to make his kids laugh). So Marvel's form subconsciously squints since there's no glasses on his nose. lol.
4.3. Also eyes: Additionally since CC wears glasses and squints when he takes them off, his vision has to be decently bad. You know what happens when you wear strong glasses? They warp your face. So additionally Marvel has smaller eyes then CC would've had. :P
So yeah that's all I have for now but might edit it if I ever come up with more things like that. If you like the concept feel free to either use it or add to it. This is all a complete fanon. It's for complete funnsies. But I would still like to hear what you think about it!
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beep-beep-sunny · 3 days
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It's done! I've finished My Daddy Likes Boys! I hope you like it! If people like it, I'm going to write a couple sequels in the same universe. Read here or on AO3.
Chapter 1: Two daddies?? Cool!
My daddy likes boys. I don't know why that's such a big deal. I'm not a dummy. I understand that they don't mean he likes boys just as friends like me and Hank from my class. Otherwise, mommy and daddy wouldn't have broked up. I get it. It's about in love. Like Aladdin and Jasmine. They aren't both boys, but that's okay. I'm sure there are other examples of boys I'm just not thinking of.
Mommy already sees other boys. Daddy comes to watch me when she goes on her "dates" and we watch Bluey on TV or play hungry hungry hippos. Daddy is great at games, but I'm better because I always win. Still, daddy deserves to play games with someone he can beat. Someone he can go on "dates" with. Maybe on a magic carpet. Daddy likes cars, and that's a very cool and special kinda car. I wanna ride on one. Maybe if daddy's boyfriend has a magic carpet I can ride in the backseat and fly up high. That would be cool. That would be super cool.
I started kindergarten in the Fall. I'm in Mr. Tozier's class. He wears funny, colorful shirts and does voices that make me laugh a lot. When we learned about animals he made all the sounds. My favorite was when he made the goose sound. Mr. Tozier is the coolest.
And a boy.
And daddy likes boys.
Then I had an idea. My daddy and Mr. Tozier could be in love! That's a great perfect idea. I just needed to find a way to get daddy and Mr. Tozier to talk. When they talked they would obviously instantly fall in love because they are both awesome and fun and they both love me. It would be the greatest thing to have two daddies!!
I started small. Daddy tells me every day that I'm brave and I decided to prove it. I made sure Mr. Tozier was close and I climbed up higher in the jungle gym than I had ever climbed. The other kids watched and some waved and giggled. By the time Mr. Tozier noticed how high I climbed and started running towards me, it was too late. I bent my knees like a frog. Mr. Tozier saying ribbit ribbit popping into my head as I hopped off the roof (where I definitely wasn't supposed to be) and fell hard onto the ground.
Plop
I yelled and yelled and yelled some more. How was I supposed to know it would hurt THAT much. Mr. Tozier reached me quickly with his kind blue eyes twisted up in worry. "Frankie!" He yelped. "How'd you even get up there?" He was concerned, but I couldn't help but notice he also sounded impressed. This was going perfectly according to plan even though my arm hurt a whole lot.
Mr. Tozier carried me to the nurse's office. "I'm gonna call your parents, okay? Just sit tight buddy." I made a froggy sound and his worry melted away just long enough to do an, admittedly much better, froggy sound.
He rushed out the door. Oh no. "Call my daddy!" I shouted after him, hoping it was loud enough. My voice was usually louder, but my arm hurt too much! I waited to let my tears fall down my cheeks for after Mr. Tozier left. He probably thought I was very brave. Mr. Tozier and daddy will talk about how brave I am all day long until they fall in love.
Daddy didn't come. Mr. Tozier must not have heard me. When I saw mommy come through the door with her arms stretched out like she was ready to clean my dirty cheek with her spit, I cringed a bit and then started crying. This time it wasn't from the pain. Well, it wasn't just from the pain. This was going to be harder than I thought.
Chapter 2: Frankie's Big Break
I had a lot of time to plan my next move while I was at the doctor then at home. My arm was broken and got put in a huge cast. It's so hard and heavy. I drummed on the wall with it when mommy wasn't looking, she always told me to stop even though it made the best sound.
That made me think of my next idea. I couldn't keep getting hurt and going right to the hospital. I'd be off too much school and all my bones would be in casts until I couldn't move. I can't make Mr. Tozier and my daddy fall in love like that! I need at least one limb free!
When I got back to school, all the kids wanted to talk to me and sign my cast. I noted that I'd let Hank sign it first, after I talked to Mr. Tozier. Unless Mr. Tozier wanted to sign it first. Then he could. Sorry Hank.
Mr. Tozier sat at a big desk with papers all over the top. I could just see over it. He looked down at me, looking over his big thick glasses. He must have a really hard time seeing with glasses that big. My eyes are perfect, everyone says so, but daddy probably doesn't care about perfect eyes. I tried to focus.
“Frankie?” Mr. Tozier said. “What is it?”
“Next time I get in trouble, can you call my daddy instead of my mommy?” I said. I thought if I was as obvious as possible that he would definitely get it right next time.
Mr. Tozier's brow furrowed. “Well, you weren't in trouble, Frankie, but why do you want me to call your daddy? Is something going on at home?”
I really thought about it. No, not really. Home has been kinda boring. Daddy always looks sad when I'm with him, but mommy always has boys around all the time. I just want my daddy to be happy too. Not with lots of boys though, just Mr. Tozier. I didn't like getting used to lots and lots of new boys because some of them smell funny and have weird mustaches.
“Frankie?” Mr. Tozier asked. Oops, I'd been thinking too much.
“No.” I said quickly and walked away. I didn't even remember to ask him to sign my cast. I guess Hank could do it first after all.
After all the kids got done signing my cast with lots of cool things, Hank drew a dinosaur, I went to work. I knew daddy would definitely come if I was in danger, but it didn't work the first time. I decided I had to do something different. I had to get in trouble.
It happened at recess. Mr. Tozier was watching everybody, but I wanted to make sure he was watching me. I took a big breath in and let out a loud scream. Mr. Tozier looked up but so did everybody else. I'd have to explain why I was doing it to all my lots of friends later. They'd understand. With all my might, I pushed over the big wood play kitchen and all the kids playing house ran away. The play plates hit the ground over and over one at a time. It sounded like rain.
Mr. Tozier rushed over. Yay! “Is everyone okay?” The other kids nodded. When he looked at me, he didn't look mad. He looked worried. That made me worried too.
He took me to the place I go to when I get off my bus and had me sit in the big plush chair. Once he was in the other room, I got up and pressed my ear to the door. He was talking to somebody. I think on the phone.
“I think something might be going on at home.” Mr Tozier said. I sighed. Not really. Just call my daddy. Say I'm in big trouble. “Oh, a divorce? That's gotta be tough on him.” It wasn't tough at all! What was tough was getting my daddy and Mr. Tozier in one room. Ugh!
Chapter 3: Why Does Everybody Ask if I'm Okay??
How was I supposed to know they'd just make me talk to some lady? That is not what I wanted at all.
“Frankie,” She said gently like she was talking to a puppy. I'm not a puppy. “Can you please tell me how things have been at home?”
“Why does everybody keep asking me that!” I knew it wasn't polite to shout, but I was getting so frustrated! “Sorry, things are just fine. I'm happy.”
Even though I told her I'm happy she still looked sad. What was going on? “Are you happy when you're with your mommy?”
I felt a big frown on my face. “Yeah, I guess!” I folded my arms. Things were fine. Mommy was just kind of boring sometimes. She just wanted me to dress up nice and be polite. I was so sick of always being so polite.
“What about your daddy?” She asked.
I smiled. “Well, daddy is the best. We play games and watch TV but he's lonely and needs a boyfriend like my mommy has.”
The lady's eyebrows raised up like they were gonna bump into her hair. “A boyfriend?” She asked. “Maybe you mean a girlfriend.”
I rolled my eyes. “No! My daddy likes boys!’’
Talking to that lady was so pointless. She didn't even help me with how to get Mr. Tozier and my daddy together. I hoped I never had to see that lady ever again.
My mommy drove me home and fussed with my hair when she buckled me in. “What did you say to the nice lady?” She asked me.
“I told her daddy likes boys.” I explained, getting a little tired of always having to explain myself.
Mommy's eyebrows did the same thing as the lady. It's a little silly for her to be surprised. I knew she knew that already. She didn't say much else. She just got in the front seat and drove us home.
When Daddy came to pick me up the next day, I was so excited. It was the weekend and Daddy always planned a fun activity. I wanted to see the new Sonic movie and get lots of popcorn.
It was taking mommy and daddy a really long time to come get me in my room, so I hopped off my bed and sat on the top of the stairs looking down at them through the bars. They looked upset. They had angry eyebrows and folded up arms.
“You told him about your little perversion?” Mommy said. I didn't know what that meant, but what did daddy tell me about? Maybe about the big black cats at the zoo.
Daddy held up his hands. “No, I didn't tell him anything about that. I don't know how he found out.” Maybe not about the big cats after all.
“Well, tell him you don't. Tell him you like women like you're supposed to.” I opened my eyes really wide. Was this about daddy liking boys? What's the big deal! Mommy likes boys too!
“Daddy can like boys if he wants to!” I ran down the stairs to stand up tall next to daddy.
They both looked down at me with their mouths hanging open. Close your mouths, gosh! “It's not normal.” Mommy said in a calm voice. I was so sick of people talking to me like a puppy or a baby or something.
I held out my hand. “Daddy, I wanna go.” I didn't feel like talking about this. I had important things to do.
Daddy looked down at me, surprised. Mommy looked mad. They looked at each other for a few seconds before daddy grabbed my hand and we started walking out. I smiled wide.
“Wait!” Mommy called after us, but we didn't stop or look back.
We were gonna have a wonderful, awesome time watching Sonic and eating popcorn and then after that I would think about my next plan. Daddy and Mr. Tozier were gonna be happy if it was the last thing I did!
Chapter 4: Hank's My Best Friend Ever!
"Okay Hank, this is very important.” I started to explain. It was nap time, so I had to whisper. I had my mat pulled up right next to Hank's. Hank had a big smile while he listened. He was always a good listener. Probably because I told lots of good stories. “My daddy likes boys.”
“What else would he do?” Hank poked his cheek. “You're a boy, so if he didn't it would be really sad actually.”
“No, no.” I waved him off with my cast. “I mean he likes boys like mommies like daddies.”
“Woah.” Hank said. “That's so cool. I wish my daddy likes boys too.” I knew I could count on Hank to see things my way. My daddy was pretty cool after all.
“I think my daddy should be in love with Mr. Tozier.” I explained and smiled a lot. It was such a great idea.
Hank didn't smile, he looked worried. “But Frankie, he's our teacher.”
“So, what?” I folded my arms.
Hank seemed like he really had to think about it. That made sense because he was being silly. “It's weird.”
“That's a horrible reason, Hank.” I shook my head. I really expected more from my best friend ever.
“What if he treats you different?” Hank pushed his fingers together.
I huffed. What a dumb thing to say. “It would only be good different cause he'd give me less work and maybe let me go home early.” I hadn't thought about any of that, but a teacher daddy had to have perks.
“Woah.” Hank said. “Okay, what do we do?” I knew Hank was a good friend! Now I had a whole helper! We'd definitely make it happen!
“Well, I already tried this.” I proudly held up my cast.
“You did that on purpose?” He asked, scrunching up his face. What was the big deal? It didn't even work.
“And when I knocked over the kitchen.” I smiled wide. They were all very good plans, so the next one would definitely work!
Hank frowned again. “That broke off the sink and now it doesn't fit.”
“It was for a good reason.” I said. “My daddy needs love!”
“I guess so.” Hank still pouted, so I made a funny face and oinked like a pig. That's what Mr. Tozier would do.
Hank giggled a lot until a girl on the mat next to us said, “Shhh!” That just made us giggle more.
We put my plan in action just after nap time. Hank went up to Mr. Tozier and got his attention. “Look, Mr. Tozier!” He said, then started trying to put his whole fist in his mouth. I had to try really hard not to laugh. At first, Mr. Tozier watched, but as I expected, he tried to stop him after that.
That's when I made my move! I slipped behind the cubbies on the wall. There was just a tiny little bit of space, but I slipped in like a super spy when no one was looking. I could still see everything! My plan was working perfectly.
A few minutes later, everybody got their bins from the cubbies to start working. Hank went straight back to Mr. Tozier. “Excuse me, Mr. Tozier?”
“What's on your mind, Hankster?” He winked. I sighed. What was my future other daddy doing giving fun nicknames to other little boys? Very inconsiderate!
“Have you seen Frankie?” Hank asked. The smile grew wider on my lips. I tried hard not to giggle. Mr. Tozier's smile went away completely. He hopped up and started looking all around. I held my breath. He checked in the lockers. Good thing I decided not to hide there! That was a close one. He checked in the trash can. I definitely wouldn't have ever hid somewhere like that. Unless I got really desperate to think of a good spot I guess.
Mr. Tozier looked back at Hank. “Hank, do you know where he is?” I crossed my fingers in both hands. Hank, please don't be a tattletale at a time like this! “If you do, please tell me. Neither of you will be in trouble.”
Hank shook his head. “I think you could call his daddy.” Hank added. Yes! I knew Hank was my bestest friend ever for a reason! We did it! My daddy was about to meet the love of his whole life!
Chapter 5: They Meet and I'm Cute
It got a little boring waiting in my hiding place. My back hurt too because the plug on the wall was poking it, but it was all worth it for my daddy!
Mr. Tozier had been pacing around and Hank was obviously trying really hard not to look over at me. He was doing a very great job.
It felt like forever and ever, but finally I heard someone stomp in the room. Daddy! I could tell it was him. I was so happy I almost gave up my hiding spot. I put my hand over my mouth just in case.
“Unbelievable.” My daddy said. “Your one job is keeping the children in your care safe and my child breaks his arm and then goes missing! I hope you don't like your job.” I frowned. This wasn't right. They were supposed to fall right in love at first sight!
“Sir,” Mr Tozier started talking, surely he would fall in love with my great, awesome daddy! “With all due respect, this is not an easy job. They haven't replaced my classroom aide since he quit.” I remembered Ms. Ramsey. She snorted when she laughed. I always wondered when she'd come back. “Trust me that the welfare of my students is the thing I care most about.”
“So, is it just my son that you are lax with?” Daddy said, still sounding angry. This wasn't good!
“No. I care very much about your son.” Yay! I knew I was the favorite. He'll definitely love my daddy just so he can be my other daddy. I'm so cool. “I've actually been very worried about him. He's been acting out a lot.” More like I've been trying really hard to get you two knuckle sandwiches to be in love! Give me a break.
“Of course he has been with this level of instruction and look at this deathtrap!” My daddy held up the broken part of the play sink and waved it around.
“Frankie broke that actually. He just shoved it over while other kids were playing with it.” I smiled, a little proud even though that plan didn't work.
Daddy frowned and crossed his arms. He had the line in his face he got when he was worried and the other one he got when he was mad. “Well, can't you watch him better? If you just-” Daddy put a hand over his mouth. Mr. Tozier put a hand on daddy's shoulder. It was happening! Frankie Kaspbrak you genius! “I'm sorry.” Daddy said. “This just isn't like him.”
“From what I understand, he's going through a lot right now.” Mr. Tozier said with his kindest tone.
Daddy gasped. “Are you trying to blame this on the divorce? You're the one that lost my son!” Daddy's voice squeaked like it did the time I found a baby rat and brought it in the house as my pet.
“I'm not blaming it on anything.” Mr. Tozier was so calm. I wanted him to make a cool animal sound so my daddy would stop being so mad. “I think he's probably hiding. It seems like it's been about attention. It's like he wants me to call you. Specifically you. I don't mean to pry, but has the divorce made it difficult for you to spend time with him?” That's not it at all! I do want to see daddy more and everything, but that's not why I was making these really smart plans. Clearly I was doing something right because it worked.
“No. That's ridiculous. We should call the police. A kidnapper could be getting further and further away by the second.” No! That wasn't what I wanted at all. It was time to make my great reveal! They'd both be so happy to see me and we'd all laugh and smile together.
I started trying to wiggle out of my hiding spot, but when it got to my arm with the cast with lots of decorations on it, it didn't budge. Uh-Oh.
Chapter 6: Stuck (but Being Really Brave About it)
My cast made a loud smacking sound as I tried to pull it free. Before I got my arm unstuck, everyone looked up from talking and stared at me. They had big eyes like owls, hoot hoot, Mr. Tozier might say.
Daddy's eyes were all watery and he rushed over. “Frankie, oh my god. Have you been here this whole time?” He gave Mr. Tozier a really mean look. “He's been here the whole time and you couldn't find him? How is that possible?”
Mr. Tozier shrugged. “I said I thought he was hiding, but I'm very sorry about all this.” He still looked very stressed out and his eyes were all red.
“You can't just relax because you think something is true when my son could be in danger.” Daddy always talked with his hands and started to talk really fast when he was mad, so he was probably very mad.
I kept trying to wiggle free, but it wasn't happening. Oh no. “I'm stuck.” I said interrupting their boring conversation that wasn't even about being in love.
“Stuck? Oh God. Your arm?” Daddy asked. I nodded. It was very obviously my arm, but whatever. “Does it hurt?”
I shook my head, but it was kinda hard cause there was barely space to breathe. “No, it doesn't hurt even a little bit.” I was super brave after all.
“How did you even get back there?” Mr. Tozier asked, he sounded pretty impressed.
“I just wiggled.” I said with a big smile showing all my teeth.
My daddy bobbed his head up and down like a gulping fish. Splish splash . “Have you tried to wiggle out?” Daddy wiggled as if I didn't know what wiggling was. I wiggled my whole way back here in the first place!
“Yeah, I did try it! I wiggled and wiggled, but I'm still stuck.” I pushed out my bottom lip. So frustrating! My plan wasn't working well at all.
Daddy chewed on his lips. “Your mother is not going to be happy about this.” He said it all quiet like he wasn't even talking to me, but he obviously was.
He tried to pull on my cast, but it hurt. “Ow.” I said.
“Sorry, I'm sorry.” He let go of me right after like it hurt him too.
“Excuse me, Mr. Kaspbrak?” Mr. Tozier called my daddy something funny, tapping on his shoulder. I guess he can't call him daddy, but my daddy's not even a teacher!
Daddy turned back to look. “What?” He breathed out really hard, like whoosh .
“Let me try, I have an idea.” Mr. Tozier said.
My daddy kept breathing loud. “Fine.” He stepped away from me.
Mr. Tozier did the thing where his fingers make little cracking sounds. I giggled. He was so silly. “Okay, Frankie. Are you scared?”
Of course not, I was obviously being very brave. “No.” I said.
“Alright, let's see…” He looked all around the small, dark place where I was. I tried not to think that it was so small and dark, but it was hard not to think it. “Do you think you can jump out of there really fast when I say go? You can race to your daddy.”
I smiled wide. That sounded like a fun game. “Okay!”
“What are you going to do?” Daddy asked.
Mr. Tozier winked at him. “I have a plan, just stand back.” My daddy's face seemed kinda blotchy and red. I hoped he wasn't getting sick cause he was so worried about me. That would be bad. He nodded and took a few steps back.
Hank looked up at my daddy. “Is Frankie going to die?”
Daddy just looked at him with a crinkly face, but Mr. Tozier said. “You trust Mr. Tozier, don't you, Hankster?” Hank smiled and nodded a lot. Me too. He was gonna be a great other daddy.
Mr. Tozier pushed something that made a loud clicking sound and wrapped his big, huge arms around the cubbies that were making me so stuck. He leaned back with all his might making weird little sounds that were pretty funny. I could see more light after that. “Go Frankie!” Ready, set , go and Frankie Kaspbrak was off like the flash! I did a really cool job coming out by kicking off the side of the cubbies.
I ran up to daddy and jumped up into his arms. We both smiled a lot, but then, there was a big, loud crashing sound. I looked over from daddy's arms and I saw Mr. Tozier being crushed under the big, heavy cubbies.
Hank pulled on my daddy's pocket. “Is Mr. Tozier gonna die?” He asked. Good question. I hope not. How could he be my new daddy if he died!
Chapter 7: Two Tomatoes Make a Salad!
No, no, no! I started rushing over to Mr. Tozier, but daddy put his hand out and I stopped. Daddy went over really slow.
“I'm a-okay!” Mr. Tozier said from under the cubbies. “Don't worry about me! I have a hard head!” Mr. Tozier definitely did cause he ran into stuff all the time! He always said ‘it’s okay I have a hard head ' or ‘another bruise for my bruise collection' . I had a bruise collection too.
Daddy made grumbling sounds and bent his knees next to the cubbies that were crushing Mr. Tozier's whole body. “Don't be ridiculous. You should definitely be seen by a doctor after this.”
“Nope, years of being reckless have made my head basically a head of steel. Nothing could penetrate it now. My brain is well protected.” Said Mr. Tozier. Yeah! He had to be right. That made sense.
“That's not how it works at all, dummy.” Oh. “Once you get one concussion, every one afterwards gets worse and worse and worse. How many have you had? Maybe I should call an ambulance.” Daddy held a hand to his head like he did when he was about to put me in time out. Mr. Tozier was about to be in time out.
“Please don't do that.” Mr. Tozier said. He really didn't want to go to time out. I didn't blame him. It's super boring in time out.
“What's a concussion?” Hank asked. It was a good question. I could have answered it, but I let daddy feel smart.
“A brain injury. It's very serious.” Daddy said quickly.
“What's an injury?” Hank asked again.
Mr. Tozier answered that question from under the pile. “A booboo.” He said.
“Oh!” Hank said. I already knew that, but that answered the question for Hank. Mr. Tozier and daddy were very smart.
Daddy shook his head fast like a dog. “That's enough of this foolishness. We're getting you out of there.” He rolled up his sleeves and started pulling on the cubbies. “What on earth? How could they possibly weigh this much? I should definitely call someone.” He said.
“That won't be necessary, Mr. Kaspbrak.” Said the voice of Mr. Tozier from under the pile. He was really stuck good. “Can you just pull and I'll push?”
Daddy breathed loud like a dragon. “Okay, fine. We can try your idea first.” He tapped his foot fast like a bunny. He was being lots of funny animals!
The stuff moved probably because Mr. Tozier moved, not because there was a bunch of friendly mice trying to help. Sad. “Good. On three.” Mr. Tozier said. “One, two, three.” Daddy pulled up breathing hard and turning red as a tomato, but the cubbies were going up that time. I could finally see Mr. Tozier. He was pushing. He was all red too. Two tomato faces. We just needed green lettuce for one of mommy's salads. Icky. I giggled.
“Is this funny to you, Frankie?” Daddy asked, breathing really hard. I nodded, still smiling, and he made an even funnier crinkly face. I loved my daddy so much. He was so funny.
After Mr. Tozier pushed all the way up, daddy moved over to help push. Push, push push. Then it was all the way up, but the stuff was still all over the ground in a big mess. Mr. Tozier was definitely gonna get grounded.
“Thank you.” Mr. Tozier said, but he turned around and he slipped on a notebook like it was a banana peel. Woosh . He tumbled and bumbled into my daddy and they both did a funny dance before falling down on the ground. Mr. Tozier was crushing my daddy cause he was way bigger.
Oh, no!
Wait, no. This was perfect! They were basically hugging! That's what people that love each other very much do. It was working! I was a love genius.
Chapter 8: Friends??
They both got up really fast and rubbed down their clothes like mommy did to me right before school. “Are you in love now?” I asked because I was getting very tired of waiting.
Daddy got a weird expression on his face like when he told me he wasn't gonna be with mommy anymore. I started to feel scared because I didn't know why he looked at me like that. “Oh my god.” Daddy said.
“No, Frankie.” Mr. Tozier smiled, so that made me feel a little better, but it meant I didn't do it yet.
“Is that what all this has been about?” Daddy said. I nodded. “You want me to be in love with your teacher?” I nodded again. I really did want that. “Oh my god.” He closed his eyes really tight. “I am so sorry, Mr. Tozier. This is all very embarrassing. Maybe we could talk in the other room?”
Mr. Tozier nodded. “Just for a minute, okay? I don't have an aide right now.”
“Sure, that's fine.” Daddy said.
Mr. Tozier looked at us kids and put two fingers from his eyes then to point at us. “Don't do anything I wouldn't do.” We all giggled because it was funny, but I felt bubbly in my stomach. Maybe my plan would never ever work.
Daddy went with Mr. Tozier out the door. When the door shut, I ran up and poked my eye under the door. I couldn't see anything really, but I could hear a tiny bit better.
“I'm so sorry about this.” Daddy said. “He must be taking the divorce really hard.” I was not.
“I understand. I'm flattered he seems to want me as his step parent. Maybe that means I'm doing something right.” Yeah! The rightest ever!
“I hope this isn't overstepping telling you this, but he found out I was divorcing his mother because I'm gay. I didn't tell him, but we must not have been careful enough talking about it.” Gay? No. It was cause Daddy liked boys! That's all. Gay was something bad mommy talked about.
There was time with no talking, but I couldn't see why. “Oh.” Mr. Tozier said. Good, they were still there.
“Oh God, it was totally over stepping, wasn't it?”
“No, no. Actually, I was thinking maybe he somehow found out I'm gay and that's why he picked me.” Gay? What was it with all this gay?
There was another long time with no talking. “Oh.” Daddy said.
“Sorry, maybe now I'm the one talking too much. I do that a lot actually. I thought since you were too, it might be okay, but I promise I would not usually tell a parent of one of my students that.”
It sounded like Daddy laughed a little but lighter than usual because he usually sounded like a cackling witch. “It's fine. It's nice to not be the only one. I wasn't exactly in the community before now.”
“Well, I'm free to talk anytime after 3pm.” Mr. Tozier said. Daddy did that different laugh again. Like a kitten laughing. It was weird.
“What are you saying?” Daddy asked. Mr. Tozier was pretty clear. That's because that's when school ended.
“If you want to come here around then or shoot me an email that would be fine by me. It's easy to feel lonely when you're entering a brand new community. I'll be your first gay friend. If you want. No pressure.” Gay.. hmm. If daddy and Mr. Tozier were gay it couldn't be bad.
“That does sound nice.” Daddy said. “I’ll think about it.”
“Frankie is a great kid.” True. “Maybe if you have a talk with him about it, now that we know what's been going on, he'll stop. Divorce is confusing for a kid.” Mr. Tozier said all that, but I was not confused at all. I knew exactly what was going on.
“Sometimes it's best, that's what my therapist says. I actually kind of wish my parents divorced.” Daddy said. That was weird. Daddy only had one parent. Grandma. She pinched my cheeks too hard.
Mr. Tozier laughed a little. “Is that so?”
“Oh, no. That was totally too much, right? You don't need my life story.” Daddy said his voice was going fast.
“It's totally fine. What are friends for?” Mr. Tozier said.
“Thanks.” Daddy said. Friends? Friends?? That's not in love at all! Friends are what I was with Hank. That was not going to end with Mr. Tozier being my other daddy. What a nightmare!
Though, I guess it wasn't so bad. Daddy needed friends and I really really liked Hank and all my other friends. I guess if that made daddy happy, I could be happy too. What are sons for? I wanted to be a great son. That's why I did it all in the first place! Daddy and Mr. Tozier were gonna be good friends and that was that!
Chapter 9: That Was Fun, but I'm Bored Now
After that day, daddy came to get me from school all the time! It was so great! I guess mommy didn't mind staying at home and relaxing while daddy picked me up. He really was best friends with Mr. Tozier. That was great.
They talked and talked. Blah, blah, blah I had important stuff to do. At first, I listened in. I'm a growing, curious boy, but it was all just boring stuff I didn't care about.
Still, I loved daddy having a friend and coming to get me. I got to play with all the best toys all by myself. Daddy did the weird kitten giggles, but I was happy his witch laugh came back sometimes too. He must have been getting more comfy with Mr. Tozier. That's nice. Mr. Tozier would say something very funny and daddy would punch him in the arm and do his witch cackles.
After they talked and talked, sometimes they would both come over and pretend to be giant monsters that came to get me and pretend destroyed the play kitchen. I laughed and laughed as they chased me.
One day, Mr. Tozier almost knocked the cubbies over again. Daddy got really upset and did a karate chop in the air talking about safety blah blah blah , but Mr. Tozier showed daddy that it only came off the wall if he flipped this switch thing. Cool! He clicked it and daddy squeaked like a scared mouse, but Mr. Tozier clicked it back before the cubbies crushed us all forever.
Life was pretty great until we started staying at school later and later and I was missing my favorite shows like teenage mutant ninja turtles. I liked watching it before we had to eat dinner. “Come on, daddy.” I said because we'd been at school for at least sixty hours.
“Just a minute.” Daddy said. He was playing a boring card game with Mr. Tozier. Mr. Tozier kept losing. That was good. Daddy deserved to win since I always beat him at all the actually fun games.
Mr. Tozier put down his cards showing all their faces which was probably bad because daddy could see all of them in his hand. “It's okay, we shouldn't keep him.”
“But,” Daddy started. No, daddy. Time to go.
Mr. Tozier smiled wide with lots of teeth. “Maybe you can beat me at cards at my place sometime?”
Daddy smiled a little too, but just like a little c, not with lots of teeth. “Really?”
“I think it's a good time.” Mr. Tozier said. It was a good time because it was the time I would usually be watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Daddy took a long time to respond, then when he did, he was quiet like a whisper. A whisper for no reason. “Okay. Frankie will be with his mom all day tomorrow.”
“It's okay daddy, you can see Mr. Tozier without me.” I said. I thought it was nice of me to say that. They were trying to find a time that I was free too, but I can't always be babysitting them. Daddy had to learn to hang out with his friends by himself once in a while.
Daddy and Mr. Tozier smiled. “Thanks Frankie.” Daddy said.
Mr. Tozier messed up my hair which is good cause I liked it best messy. “Yeah, buddy. I'm glad we have your blessing.”
“Nobody sneezed.” I said. I didn't say bless you to anybody, but maybe Mr. Tozier forgot that. They both laughed.
“So, tomorrow?” Daddy asked Mr. Tozier.
Mr. Tozier nodded a lot like a weird bird. Big bird, haha . “I'll text you the address.”
Daddy spent too long just waving at Mr. Tozier, so I pushed him along. It was like he was a broken toy just waving and waving. “Are you okay, daddy? Why are you doing that? It's weird.”
Daddy pulled back his hands and started to walk finally. “You think?” He asked me for advice, which was good because I gave the best advice.
“Definitely.” I said.
Chapter 10: Best Matchmaker: Frankie Kaspbrak
Daddy didn't pick me up every day after that, but still a lot. Mr. Tozier always went from happy to sad when he saw my mommy, but lots of people did that. I was happy if it was daddy or mommy because when it wasn't daddy every time anymore, it got to be fun again to stay at school and play with all the fun toys all by myself. Sometimes I wished I had Hank to play with too, but at least there wasn't a line for playing with the kitchen.
There was one day that Mr. Tozier was acting weird all day long, and he was just smiling at me, but not happy, more like scared. Weirdo. When Daddy came Mr. Tozier didn't seem surprised like he usually did. He'd say like ‘what a nice surprise' usually when daddy came. This day, he just lifted his hand in the tiniest wave I ever saw and daddy just did it right back. What was going on!
“Hey, Frankie?” Daddy said.
I felt my face scrunch up. “What?”
“We would like to talk to you about something, kiddo.” Mr. Tozier said. He kept rubbing his hands together. Weird, weird, weird .
“Fine.” I said and I plopped down on the beanbag. I liked the orange and blue one best and since it was only me, I could have whichever one I wanted.
Mr. Tozier and daddy pulled over two chairs. The one daddy pulled made a screech sound at first. “Sorry.” Daddy made a squeaky sound with his mouth instead of the chair and lifted it up to wobble like a penguin the rest of the way over.
“So, Frankie.” Daddy coughed and Mr. Tozier put a hand on daddy's shoulder. I was starting to get freaked out! What could be so important! I was scared because maybe my fish died cause he wasn't looking so good when he was napping on the top of the water in the morning.
“Gosh, just spit it out already.” I said, wiggling in the beanbag. If they were gonna tell me something bad I wanted it to be over so I could cry and get done crying in time for my show.
“Sorry, um,” Daddy coughed again.
“Are you sick daddy?” Oh no. Maybe daddy was gonna die! That's way worse than a fish.
“No, um, I,” He coughed again. No.
I started getting my crying out early. I cried and cried and yelled. “Daddy's dying! You're gonna say you're dying.” I cried some more just to be sure I'd get it all out.
“No. I'm fine.” Daddy said. “I'm not sick.” He said that, but his face was all red and Mr. Tozier looked worried. He was gonna lose his best best friend and my best best daddy. I cried louder.
“We're in love!” Mr. Tozier said and squeezed my daddy's shoulder more.
What?
What!
WHAT?!
I hopped out of the bean bag like a bunny. “What?” I said.
“It's true.” Daddy held his hands out. “I'm not dying. We're just in love and going to be starting a new relationship. We wanted you to know. I know this is probably strange for you, but-”
I opened my eyes wide. It worked. I started laughing and daddy looked more worried, but my new future daddy smiled wide. IT WORKED! Of course it worked. I never gave up and it worked because I'm the best matchmaker in the whole world! “You’re welcome.” I said.
“What?” Daddy said, but Mr. Tozier Daddy laughed with me. He picked me up and spun me around until I was dizzy and daddy started laughing too. This was definitely going to be so super fun! I was glad they had me because if it wasn't for me, daddy might have been alone forever and ever and Mr. Tozier wouldn't have a great and very cute new son!
Chapter 11: Epilogue: My New Plan!
My name is Frankie Kaspbrak and now I'm seven whole years old and very mature. After helping my daddies fall in love, I helped them decide to get married too! Wow, what would they do without me?
The most important thing was, what was I going to be? Probably best man, ring bearer, flower boy, and guy that says you may kiss the bride! Though, they'd have to say something else this time. Would they say, you may kiss the groom? Maybe we should skip the gross kissing altogether. Ew.
My original, first daddy said I could only pick one and probably I couldn't be the priest without lots more work and school, and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to tell them to kiss anyways. Papa Richie (that used to be Mr. Tozier) said I should live my dream and I could be everything and do the wedding as a one boy show. That might be a lot of work though. Maybe I'd be the flower boy because I like flowers and if I lost the ring, I'd probably be in big trouble.
Flower boy it is! I got lots of pretty flowers that I picked out and I helped my daddies pick off all the petals to put in a little white basket. I smooshed em when I took them off, but Papa Richie said it was okay cause I'd just be throwing them. I was excited to make a big flower mess.
Mommy wasn't gonna come to the wedding. I told her that was stupid because it would be fun and the best time ever. She thought I should still call Papa Richie, Mr. Tozier, but that would be confusing since he wasn't even my teacher anymore. Plus, my name might get to be Frankie Kaspbrak-Tozier! They said I could decide, but I was still thinking about it. It sounded pretty nice.
After all that was figured out, I had time to think about the real most important thing. Since I did such a wonderful job with my first plan of getting daddy and Papa Richie to fall in love, I decided I could basically do anything. It was a lot of power, but Spiderman says to use it for only good things, so that's what I was gonna do.
It was time for the wedding, and I was hiding under the biggest table with Hank. He was my plus one. We took a break from eating the cake that we took from the back of the cake so no one would notice. We had icing all over our fingers, but we could just wipe it on the table cloths, so it was fine. “Okay, Hank. I have a new really amazing plan.”
Hank sighed loud. “It better not be you getting stuck again. I was worried.”
I shook my head a lot. “No, no. Hank. I'm gonna get a baby brother.”
Hank smiled. “Is your mommy pregnant?”
I rolled my eyes. “No, Hank. Are we at my mommy's wedding right now? Gosh.”
He looked confused. Hank, you gotta think about these things. “But, who?” He asked me.
“My daddy is gonna have a baby with Papa Richie.” I said. “I’m gonna make it happen.”
Hank's mouth opened wide. “Woah.” He said.
“So, you're in?” I held out my pinky.
He wrapped my pinky with his pinky. “I'm in.” Hank was the best. Maybe I'd marry him one day too. He'd be pretty good at helping me with my plans for forever.
The plan was ready. Here it goes. I had all my flower petals in the basket and I tossed them and smiled and looked cute and everyone was looking at me. Then, Hank was free to go up to the stage. He whispered the secret plan to the priest (that's what they're called) and gave him a bag filled with a special surprise.
I smiled from ear to ear! It was all gonna happen! Just like last time! Daddy and Papa Richie got up to the front and I stayed where I was supposed to stand, then it happened.
The priest smiled. “This is a little unusual.” He said. “But a little boy told me you all had a surprise you wanted to share.”
“A surprise?” Daddy asked.
Papa Richie said, “Okay, sure, show us the surprise.”
He pulled out the surprise from the bag. It was a baby doll and long paper that said, ’it’s a boy' that I very secretly took from the store when I was with mommy. “Congratulations?” The priest said.
Daddy stared and turned red, then more red, but an angry red. He yelled. “Frankie Kaspbrak-Tozier!” It sounded nice, just like I thought it would! I told my daddy I decided that's what I wanted to be called just that morning, and I was happy he remembered. Papa Richie tried to cover his mouth, but I knew he was laughing.
I didn't actually think that would work of course, it takes a few tries like last time, but, eventually, I was definitely getting that little brother!
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sjofn-lofnsdottr · 19 hours
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Hey! I love your gposes, and I was wondering if you had any tips on how to get better at making them.
Oh, thank you! You're kind to say so!
I'm gonna approach this like you're super new to it, so I'm sorry if I'm telling you shit you already know! And if you have other questions about something specific, you can DM me if you like, I don't mind. Honestly, that goes for anyone reading this!
I can sense this is going to be stupid long, so I'm also gonna hide a bunch of it behind a cut.
So starting off with vanilla gpose advice, in a general sense I'd say play around with lighting a lot. I usually try to get at least some light spilling onto people from the side (ideally where a light source would be anyway) in order to give them more definition. I know there's gpose lighting tutorials out there that can probably explain it so much better than I can (like this one? maybe?), but it really makes such a huge difference overall. Even when you're taking a picture outside in the sun, a little bit of extra lighting can make stuff look more interesting.
(I might be a little biased, I was a theatrical electrician for a while. I think lighting is neat.)
Another vanilla-applicable thing I'd say is get really, really, really embarrassingly familiar with the in-game emotes, and practice your timing for when you want to freeze them. And don't forget that the 'expression' emotes will override an emote's usual face, which can change the vibe in some fun ways:
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And the third piece of vanilla gpose advice I'd give is to mess around with the filters the game has on the 'general settings' tab. Honestly, you've probably done this, but mess around with ALL the things in the gpose menu. Push every button, waggle every slider, just to see what they do.
I'm currently loitering at an art party, so let me show you a little bit what I mean.
So to start, I go into gpose and see what's what. I let all the background people stop facing the camera, and move the camera a bit to an angle I like. I'm sitting in a corner, which is going to mess with the camera more than usual, but in this case, it's messing with it in a way I like, getting me nice and close to Dusk:
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Dusk could stand to look friendlier, right? So I head to the emotes tab in the menu, and pick 'beam' for his expression, because it's the smile I like best on him:
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Still kinda bleh. Things look a touch murky, and flatter than I like. Before I do ANYTHING with the lighting though, I go here:
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And then I save the hell out of the camera position. Saving the camera position has saved me so much pain. This is because placing lights in gpose requires you moving the camera, since they drop exactly where your camera is. But I like this angle, and I don't want to lose it. So I save it! It'll also save lighting settings, which I find handy occasionally, but not nearly as often (it's a lifesaver when I accidentally hit the hotkey that turns off lights though).
I've taken a lot of pictures in this venue, and the pink/white color scheme is uh ... tricky for me, sometimes. But on the upside, white walls and floors bounce light really well! For this picture, I think I want some light coming from the left of the frame to give Dusk slightly more interesting shadows, and a blue light much further away and above to soften the harshness of the white and pink:
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My next step is to use the gpose-provided color filters to see if there's anything I like, just in case:
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Bright 1 is one I've wound up using a lot, even though it ruins my eyes and makes everything look dark as hell once I come out of gpose.
Now, the white coming from the left is hitting Dusk pretty much exactly how I want it to, but it's lighting up his moogle sundae more than I'd prefer. The way I usually deal with this is using the 'limb darkening' slider. What it does is darken the edge of the picture, to varying degrees. It even has different colors, although I use black pretty much always:
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I only used one tick, but it's made me much happier about the sundae! My one complaint now is that I had to turn off depth of field in order to keep Dusk from being blurry (it's a slider, but by the time Dusk looked focus, it might as well have been shut off anyway), but it's something I can live with for a vanilla gpose.
I have reShade installed though, so let's mess with that for fun. I tend to stick to presets that don't stray too far from what the game itself does unless I'm doing dumb vampire artsy things:
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But honestly, in this case I don't think it was really necessary.
As for getting better with crimes, I would again stress getting familiar with the game's emotes and attack animations, because they are often a fantastic starting point to modify into something you're wanting to see. Also, this sounds weird (probably) but when I first started out, I did a lot of throw away pictures that no one besides my Discord knitting circle will ever see because everyone is naked in them. I did this for two reasons. Wait, no, three:
I was high when this idea came to me and therefore I lacked my usual shame.
Clothes clipping was driving me crazy and I wasn't good enough to handle it yet. Stripping everyone naked took that out of the equation, so I could focus on actually moving the dollies in peace.
However! It also meant I couldn't depend on clothes to mask some of my worst shortcut sins as far as moving limbs and what it did to their joints went. This meant I got a lot better at knowing how to move the dollies I was working with in the way the models want to be moved and still look right.
Obviously a saner thing to do would be ~beach pictures~ with everyone in swimsuits. Good thing Dawntrail is coming!
Some of the things I learned during this naked process:
While I try to make a pose look good from multiple angles, because I rarely know what angle I'm going to ACTUALLY want until stuff is at least roughed in, if I know for absolute certain I'm only going to take it from one particular angle, it is best for one's sanity to make sure it looks good from that angle and ignore everything you can't see otherwise.
If you ARE taking more than one angle of the same pose, it is not a crime to make little adjustments after you change the angle! This is extra true when you're doing something like a kiss, because noses are the worst. Go ahead and nudge something that looked right from Angle A but a little off from Angle B. No one will know your dark secret.
Somewhat related, sometimes little tweaks are really all you need! This is especially true when it comes to faces. Try not to overthink what you're doing too much.
Very often, if you want to move, say, an arm from position A to position B, you should start by adjusting the clavicle and work your way down. At first this was kinda slow and annoying and required a bunch of passes, but it resulted in way more natural looking results without asking people to politely ignore wonky elbows and such. Like everything else in the world, this gets a lot faster with practice and is 1000% worth getting halfway decent at.
Hands are the devil, but they also really make or break a pose for me a lot of the time. The more natural you can make hands and fingers look when touching something, the better, I feel. On the whole, I find FFXIV hands are a lot better at gentle-looking touches than rough-looking ones, but that may be my own limitations talking here. Spend time just messing with hands to get familiar with them, just like the rest of the skeleton. Eventually it'll start to get easier and easier to move stuff to where you want it without having to do a million little adjustments on the way to where you're aiming (I'm down to about half a million these days).
Eye contact is fucking hard too. I try to get the models to do as much of the work for me as possible as I go into gpose. For example, I'll make sure Dusk has Farron targeted, so he'll already looking down at him, but most of the time I'm going to be moving their heads or bodies too much for that eye contact to still look right. The way I usually do it is put the camera behind the person being looked at, and then make that person disappear and adjust the looker's eyes from there. Then I check from the angle I actually want to shoot from and make tiny adjustments to make it look more 'correct' to my eyes. Sometimes when I post Camera A/Camera B angles? It's because the eye contact only looked right from those angles no matter what I did and I'm making you all just have to deal with it.
Double check everything! It's easy to rough something in and then go blind to it being not-quite-right.
It takes me about 5 minutes to stop noticing nakedness because I am too busy swearing about elezen necks or something.
Once you start letting your dolls wear clothes and armor again, you have to start thinking about clipping and physics and such, which will also take practice, but I feel like people on the whole are a lot more subconsciously forgiving about that, because we all play this game and we all got trained to ignore a certain amount of clothes being weird because of it (this goes for most clipping, really). Which is good! I try to minimize clipping without actually having to touch any of the clothing bones if at all possible and only really mess with those if I absolutely have to because, say, the entire tail of Dusk's coat is clipping through the chair he's sitting on.
I suppose that's another thing, sometimes ... sometimes a glam is just a nightmare to work around and you just wear something else.
I hope this was ... helpful at all, I know it's long but hopefully not full of shit you knew already, or overwhelming to read. But I wanted to say more than just 'practice,' since that's hard to do if you don't even know what you should be practicing! And again, if you have a more specific question (or follow up questions?), definitely send a DM or something!
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intairnwetrust · 2 days
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~Orchids - "I miss you"~
I miss you Azriel. Why are you suddenly so far away? I miss the person who saw me and understood me. The person whose presence alone made me feel so many things. I miss the time in silence where a look into each other's eyes was enough to tell whole stories.
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~Pink Camellia - Longing~
I long for you Elain. At day I long for your smile, your laugh, your hand in mine. At night I long for you in my arms. The dreamy smile at your face when i wrap my wings around your. Your presence next to me when my dreams catch up with me. Dreams full of you, my Flower.
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~Red Roses - Passion & Love~
Hold me Azriel. You rough hands feel so good on my skin. You weight on my body makes my head spin. I am burning for you. Touch me, Kiss me, Love me.
Good Gods i forgot my own name when i hold you Elain, you are everything I see. You are everything I feel. You are everything I want. Everything I need.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prompt: Clandestine Meetings for @elriel-month 2024
I would so love for Elain and Azriel to secretly communicate with flowers in the next book.
First of all, that would be so them! The flowers Elain and the secrets Azriel (although the secretly part would also suit Elain well)
I could imagine Elain being frustrated that Azriel is suddenly so distant and she doesn't even know why.
Azriel comes into his room one day and sees a vase full of flowers from Elain's garden. He swears he can still feel her presence in his room. This and the flowers don't help at all to ease his desire to just spend time with Elain again.
At the family dinner that evening, she feels his gaze on her in which shimmered so many emotions and Elain decides to go one step further.
The next day, Azriel finds an beautiful orchid in his room. A bit taken aback with this exotic flower, he decides to find out the meaning of the flower knowing how thoughtful Elain is. Azriel has wonder written in his eyes and a small smile on his lips as he reads the meaning of the flower Elain gave him.
So their little Exchange begann.
One day Elain receives a pink camellia from Azriel and can't stop the little blush on her cheeks. Surely she thinks Azriel wasn't sure about the meaning of the flower, but the next time they saw each other, she saw the gentle look in his eyes and the little grin and bcame doubts coupled with little butterflies in her stomach. But still she didn't want to hope too much.
Azriel having non of that, doubled down and had a bunch of pink camellias waiting for her the next time. With a smug look on his face he watched the lovely blush spreading on his Elain the following day they saw each other.
Elain determined to win the game she started, put on a stunning red dress for the next family dinner combined with a rose parfum. The others gave her compliments, but she just wanted to see his reaction and she was not disappointed.
The moment Azriel saw her and on top on that took her scent in a fire ignited in his eyes. He could only take his eyes off her with great difficulty and Elain had difficulty taking her satisfied grin off her lips. On moment when no one was looking she leaned in and asked him if he likes her dress. Love it actually answered Azriel with a rough voice while watching her with such intensity she started blushing again.
Elain Archeron herself became the flower she wanted to give her Shadowsinger and who knows, maybe she also got the Shadowsinger himself waiting for her in her room tonight.
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