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ghosttotheparty · 1 year

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For the dialogue prompts: Steddie + 22. “Yes, you totally can. You can do anything! Um. Do what, exactly?”

also on ao3

"Do you think I could ask Eddie out?"

Robin chokes on her 7-Up, and a little goes up her nose, and it burns, but she still turns to Steve, wide-eyed. Her face is wet with soda, but she doesn't bother to wipe it at she stares at him and he stares back, blank-faced.

"Well?"

"Run that by me one more time?"

"Okay--" He sighs, dropping his head for a moment as he leans over the counter, pushing his pack of Red Vines away. "Look."

"Where did this come from?" Robin bursts, finally wiping her face clean of the soda and the single tear that's fallen from her eye. (It really burned.)

"I-- Okay," Steve says again, sighing heavily. He glances at the door, which is hanging open to combat the summer heat, but it's a slow day today, and the parking lot is empty except for his Beemer and two other cars. "I kind of... really like him." Her eyes widen more and her head tilts. "And I only realized, like, yesterday, so I haven't been keeping this from you, I swear. I just..."

And then Robin is grinning, and she hops over, bouncing up onto the counter next to him and setting her soda down dangerously fast. It almost tips, and Steve stares at it with wide eyes as Robin kicks her feet and looks down at him.

"How'd you realize?" she asks excitedly, rocking back and forth.

"Are you serious?" he questions, looking up at her with a raised eyebrow.

"I never got to talk about crushes when I was a kid," she complains, whining and kicking at him. "Let me have this, come on. Tell me."

He sighs heavily, looking around again even though they're alone, and he leans against the counter next to her legs, a smile now teasing at his lips.

"He made me a mixtape," he says, and Robin grins, watching the way his eyes glaze over a little.

"Was it all metal?"

"I mean. Yeah. That's kinda all he listens to," he says, and he's fidgeting with his fingers, twisting them and cracking his knuckles. "But it was... It was good. I liked it."

"Right..." she prompts, nudging his side with her foot again. She lifts her 7-Up to her mouth as he nibbles on his bottom lip, thinking.

"There was one song on it," he says slowly, carefully. "That just... I don't know. It felt... different."

"Different how?"

"Like... Romantic?"

Robin's smile grows until it almost hurts, and she kicks him.

"How does it go?"

"I don't remember," he lies (she can tell), "but part of the chorus says something about, uhm. 'I'm a prisoner of your eyes.'" He pauses, brows furrowing as he thinks. "And there's a part about, like, 'I've locked myself inside your heart and thrown away the key." And, uhm, 'Only time will tell if I can live without you,' or something."

"Oh my god," she says succinctly. He stands up straight, looking at her, exasperated.

"Right? And I can't tell if it's, like, just a good song that he thought I'd like or if he's trying to say something or if he's saying something without meaning to, or..."

"Okay, wait, how did you realize you like him?"

"I just..." He sighs heavily, falling forward so his face is smushed against her thigh, and she pats his head. "Was listening to it and thought about, like. If someone else showed me that song it would be romantic. And then I thought, like 'What if it is romantic?' and I thought I wouldn't mind if it was, coming from him, and then I just... Realized I kinda want it to be."

Robin's heart swells. She runs her fingers through his hair tenderly, and he sighs again.

"You're cool with liking a guy?" she asks after a moment. "When I realized I like girls I totally freaked out."

He shrugs, standing up again and sighing.

"It took a minute," he says a little tiredly, "but... Weirder shit's happened in my life. Liking a guy doesn't seem like the end of the world when you've witnessed and survived the actual end of the world, you know?"

She frowns thoughtfully.

"Yeah. I guess."

"Just... I mean I guess I'm just kind of stressed about, like... What if he doesn't like guys?" he asks, picking up a Red Vine and taking a bite.

"I don't think you have to worry about that," she says without thinking, and his eyes widen as he looks at her, half a Red Vine hanging from his mouth.

"...Huh?"

"...Uh."

He stares for a few more seconds, chewing slowly.

"Do you think he's gay?" he whispers.

"Well, I don't think he's straight."

He swallows and throws the other half of the candy to the counter aggressively.

"Robin."

"Steve."

"Are you serious?"

"Look, I'm not saying I know everything, I'm just saying he seems kinda..." She shrugs weakly.

He takes a breath, one of his hands flapping weakly for a moment as he raises onto his tiptoes and then lowers, calming himself. And Robin thinks maybe they spend too much time together.

"Are you serious?" he says again, and his eyes are wide and shining, and he suddenly looks like he's the kids' ages, like he's just a boy with a crush instead of a man that had to grow up too fast and then never got the chance to slow down. She shrugs, smiling a little. "Do you think I could do it?" he asks almost excitedly, giddily, and God, she loves him.

"Yes, you totally can, you can do anything!" a voice says brightly from the doorway, and they both jump, looking up to find Eddie strolling in, wearing a pair of jeans despite the heat and a white shirt that reads Iron Maiden with some illustration on it. The sleeves are cut off, exposing his tattooed arms and his scars, and Robin knows Steve is probably melting just looking at him as he approaches the front counter and leans over, looking at Steve with shining eyes. "Um. Do what, exactly?"

Steve and Robin look at each other.

Now's your chance.

Should I?

Yes, obviously. Use the breakroom.

What if you're wrong?

I'm not, get out of here.

Eddie waits patiently, looking back and forth between them, smiling almost nervously like he knows they're talking about him, and his face light up and his smile softens when Steve looks at him.

"Uh. Can we talk?"

"Yeah," Eddie says lightly, confusedly. "'Course, what's up?"

"Like..." Steve gestures with a tilt of his head toward the back, and Eddie taps on the counter as he stands up straight, following him.

Robin kicks her feet, smiling at the ground and lifting her 7-Up again.

---

"So."

"You okay?" Eddie asks as the door shuts behind them. He leans against the back of it looking offensively good as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, no, I just... Uhm." Steve takes a deep breath, moving to lean against the wall across from him. The room is laid out so there's a wall in front of the door, so their shoes are almost touching. Eddie's wearing some black Converse today, scuffed and ripped and stained with mud and grease. "Wanted to ask you something."

"Okay," Eddie says slowly. "What might that be?"

"Uhm." Steve takes a breath. "That mixtape you made me."

"Did you listen to it?" Eddie asks, his eyes lighting up.

"Yeah," Steve says, and he can't suppress his smile, looking at him. His hair is tied up in a messy bun on top of his head, probably with a hair tie he stole from Nancy, but there are some pieces falling down around his face, and it looks pretty. Eddie pulls a piece across his face shyly.

"Did you like it?"

Steve blinks at him.

"Yeah," he says breathlessly. "I liked it a lot."

"Really?" Eddie asks, beaming.

"Yeah," Steve says, his smile widening. "There was one song--"

"Which one?"

"I think it was called..." Steve hesitates, watching Eddie carefully. "Prisoner of Your Eyes?"

Eddie's smile falters, and his eyes flicker across Steve's face, his hand lowering the curl he's holding.

"You like that one?" he asks, his voice softer, and Steve almost has all the confirmation he needs.

"Yeah," he says shyly. "...Made me think of you."

Eddie's eyes widen the slightest bit, and he stares at Steve, and in the small space, Steve can practically hear his heartbeat. (And what a beautiful sound that is.) Eddie drops his hand and puts it in his pocket.

"The others didn't?" Eddie says, and Steve scoffs, kicking his foot lightly.

"You know what I mean."

"Do I?"

Steve looks at him, and Eddie's eyes are boring into his, dark and shiny and Steve could swear he can see the universe in them. Eddie is unblinking, and he looks like he's holding his breath, apprehensive and shy and nervous.

Steve stands up straight off the wall, taking a deep breath as he steps closer. Eddie's eyes somehow widen even more. They're practically the same height, but he still looks like he's looking up at Steve, eyes shining.

"Do you?" Steve asks, his voice soft now, almost whispering.

Eddie's lips part as he looks at him, and he's close enough now for Steve to see each eyelash, to see the strand of hair that's on his face. Steve reaches up to move it out of the way. Eddie's cheeks flush pink.

"Is this what you were talking about with Robin?" he asks, his voice breathy, as he looks across Steve's face, his eyes lingering on his mouth. Steve hesitates, his face warming.

"Uh. I asked her if she thought I could ask you out."

Eddie's eyes snap back to Steve's and flick back and forth between like he's looking for a lie in them, like he's searching for an indication of Steve's honesty.

"Really?" he breathes.

Steve nods, smiling softly at him. He reaches up and tucks a curl behind his ear tenderly, tracing a line down his neck, looking at the scars that match Steve's own.

"What do you think?" he whispers. "Could I?"

"Yeah," Eddie breathes. "I think you could."

Steve suppresses a smile, moving closer and touching Eddie's face, caressing his cheeks, tracing the scar that's on his left cheek, rough and pink and a little silvery and beautiful.

"Will you go out with me?" he asks softly, disregarding the second part of the question, which clarifies that going out for them isn't the same as it is for other couples, because they have to pretend to be friends, because Steve can't bring him flowers, because he can't kiss him in the parking lot. But for now, at this moment... they can pretend.

"Yes," Eddie says, and his hands finally find Steve's waist, his fingers pressing into the fabric of his vest. "I'll go out with you."

"Yeah?" Steve asks weakly, smiling, and Eddie's eyes flicker across his face again, his fingers tightening on his waist.

"Yeah," he says. "I wanna."

"Shit," Steve breathes. "Okay."

"Okay," Eddie says softly.

They stare at each other for a moment, just breathing. Touching each other. Holding each other.

"Will you kiss me, please?" Eddie bursts after a moment.

"Can I?" Steve asks, his heart pounding, excited, and Eddie pulls at his waist impatiently.

"Please," he says adamantly. "I've wanted to kiss you for fucking ages, I'm begging you, Stevie."

Steve beams so brightly that his face hurts, and he moves closer, setting a hand on Eddie's chest and pressing him into the door.

Eddie's eyes are already almost closed, and he's lifting his chin up for him, lips parted, and Steve wonders how he could have gone this long without realizing he likes men, because Eddie is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

"You're fucking gorgeous," Steve whispers when their lips brush, and Eddie's hands tighten again as he pulls at his vest.

Steve kisses him before he can say anything.

Eddie gasps and clutches at his back as Steve presses him into the door harder, and Steve is so glad his life's worked out the way it has, because somehow he has Eddie Munson up against a door, kissing him like his life depends on it, and he wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Steve holds his face tenderly, tilting his head as he kisses him again, and he can feel Eddie's pulse hammering against his fingertips as he presses them into his skin under his jaw. Steve smiles, catching Eddie's lip between his teeth, and Eddie lets out a breathy hum.

"Do you wanna spend the night at my place tonight?" Steve asks breathlessly when they part, panting, and Eddie kisses him desperately before he answers. His hands are pressing into the small of his back. It feels good.

"Yeah, obviously," he says softly into his mouth, licking at his lip. Steve grins.

"Cool," he whispers. He pulls back just enough to look at him, at the way his lips are red and shiny now, the way his eyes are a little glazed over. "'Cause I got, like, twenty years of repressed bisexuality to work through and I kinda want you there for it."

"Oh, fuck. Okay, yeah, yes."

---

They're taking too long. Robin helps a customer, the only one that comes by, and she helps herself to Steve's Red Vines, nibbling them as she watches the movie they put on earlier even though she can't really follow along because she got a little distracted earlier.

She looks over at the breakroom, sighing, bored, and then she sticks a Red Vine in her mouth, stepping cheerfully around the counter to the breakroom, where she pauses, listening in case they're talking. She just hears a soft, breathy hum, and she grins, her fist hovering above the door before she knocks hard.

"Jesus fucking--"

"Robin!"

She cackles happily, throwing her head back.

"I'm bored," she says loudly, and Steve calls back, "Okay, well, I'm not, so fuck off."

She groans loudly, falling against the door, and she hears Eddie

They emerge after another few minutes, their hair touseled and cheeks red, and Eddie is grinning smugly.

"Rob," Steve says before he's even at the counter. "You're staying at Nancy's tonight."

"Yeah, I figured."

dialogue prompts!! ❧ buy me a coffee // check out my commissions ☙

#had no idea what to do for this so i just started writing and i ended up w this #it was fun #robins gaydar is perfect when it comes to dudes but she cant tell that nancy is sapphic even when shes staring right at robins lips #steddie #steddie oneshot #steddie fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #steve harrington fanfic #eddie munson fanfic #robin buckley fanfic

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angellic-critique · 4 months

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Honestly my biggest fear is to end up writing my characters the same way vivzie does, I feel like she doesn't even try on certain characters(female characters and literally any other that isn't her "uwu baby boi must be protected at all costs" characters like stolas, angel dust). Like imagine completely missing the point of your own character/srs

to everyone pre-release worries and anxieties just as much as I have-- Please take this time to read or explore different interests of books or authors of subjects and genres you like ! In the era of internet where the golden age of information is rusting into brainrot, the less time online anymore the better. I've been taking javascript/python tutorials for myself attempting to make a dating simulator for literal years at this point and its bounced around to the point of where I branched off to develop my own murder mystery 2-d sidescroller !

I wish for this to be a farewell letter to the crushed hopes and dreams I had for the original hazbin pilot and crew has moved on to other things whereas viv attempted to spitefully keep a story she clearly doesn't have any passion over- it is very evident over her lack of care for her own characters purely for the monetary gains of attempting and sadly wriggling her way into industry the way she did is so abhorrent to the world of genuine art and animation I grew up with.

Has Vivzie ever read a Felix the Cat comic strip or Dilbert even Hägar The Horrible? Does she even know about the history and strive of depth that animation has been at for hundreds of years? Does she even like comics, clearly not if she doesn't even have the patience to write her own and horribly rush whichever story she's interested in that day. I've never seen a careless writer be this selfishly unashamed to write literal garbage and surface level 'intrigue' of design and then falling flat face first at EVERY step. Hope she becomes as unbearable of a director as John K. is because honestly even though I'm cringing making that comparison, it's pretty fair in my book considering the outright ABUSE she has always trying to talk or hoard artists into her 'pet project' I recommend above anything else to watch Dan Stamanolous' 'Moral Orel' if you want an actually funny dark comedy or Christy Karacas' fast paced dark horror comic-come-to-life Superjail! for good animattion that doesn't belittle its audience... *[Trigger Warnings for Adult Swim-esque outdated 2007 humor and light transphobia, read for your own triggers if you dont want to though, please!]

The fact that Stollitz is written so flimsily like a wattpad fanficiton of tropes rolled into one is astounding to me, I used to like the dynamic pre-season 2 as I've mentioned on here and @tired-hellowl so I really don't want to get a headache going into how I USED to like it-Realizing the problematic consent issues all of STOLASS is, I physically cannot watch another Helluva or Hazbin promo anymore without rolling my eyes into the back of my head.

To the anons and people who used to also enjoy vivs work, there are other artists and there are other stories to tell. If you wish to be inspired from Dante's Inferno/Hell or WESTERN CHRISTIAN BASED RELIGION keep in mind what source material you're doing because I don't even think vivzie has picked up the bible once in her life.... And I say this as a drifter in the world who believes in reincarnation I don't really vibe with the athiest stereotypes however, I don't believe in most religion but more power to people that do get hope and love from their teachings and cultures.

She entirely missed the mark for several years, nearly a decade. Viv has had time and time again chance and opportunity to give a chance of storytelling with demons and what does she do? Adult Cartoon that has the demons scream 'FUCK SHIT DAMNIT DAMNIT LOOK IM SO HORNY AND SILLY AND WACKY WOAHH THE SCREEN IS CONSTANTLY MOVING YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A SECOND TO BREATH IN ANY AMOUNT OF WORLBUILDING OR SETTING BECAUSE FUCK. YOU.'--

I have said this time and time again- there is no substance or worth about Helluva Bosses or Hazbins writing, even without the show not being released because Amazon seems ashamed about it, I know it'll be a shitshow.

Honestly at this point I agree with the redesign community, take any character you used to like and rewrite them until it's unrecognizable from the original source material, let those fuckers in space fight alien pirates or hell take them out of the heaven and hell trope and just flip it on it's head entirely out of earth or wherever you want to set your story! I'm personally redesigning angel to be a slight aid to my addiction help via rewriting him into my murder mystery heheh while keeping the sexual abuse and recovery in mind because woah that shit happened to me too man !!!

I wish the best to any future writers, animators, programmers, lovers of animation or art, you can do what you put your mind and hands to! Spread more positivity and love then hate in this world please guys, this'll be the last time I pop in I promise I'm trying to get a better job and hopefully get accepted in a community college that i've been on the fence over trying to do more online coding ! The sky is the limit!<3

#anti vivziepop #trash askbox #helluva critical #i dont want to be mean in the tags and overtag like i usually do #however #vivziepop critical #please stop supporting spindlehorse #please stop supporting vivziepop #anti helluva boss #genuine art criticism #genuine art tip box #<3 signing off #!!! <3 #my.silley.art

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bltngames · 4 months

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Mod Spotlight: Sonic Forces Overclocked

So this is an interesting little thing. For those of you not aware, Sonic Forces Overclocked (if I'm remembering right) was originally an attempt to "fix" Sonic Forces by expanding all of the levels and even completely rewriting the story. Obviously that's a big task, and the developers eventually realized that, scaling it down into what could best be described as an "Encore" of sorts -- an epilogue story where the villains make one last desperate final push, spread out across remixed versions of eight of the game's best levels. All told, it's about an hour worth of content.

Which is... actually totally fine. With eight (technically seven, but the final boss still counts) levels, there's plenty to see. Actually, pacing is probably Overclocked's strongest suit.

The original Sonic Forces was a pacing disaster; levels often felt like they were cut off at the knees, usually ending just as they were getting started. That's never true in Overclocked, as each level took me a good 3-5+ minutes to finish. Levels in Overclocked are also massively improved in other ways, too -- all that extra length is put to good use with Sonic's trademark alternate pathways, new enemies, and new interactive elements. Interactivity is up across the board. Sonic Forces loved to lock you into long, obnoxious scripted set pieces but Overclocked keeps you firmly in control most of the time.

Which brings me to something I'm not entirely sure is a complaint: difficulty balance. If you've been reading this blog long enough you know I can be pretty picky about difficulty balancing, and the way its handled in Overclocked is interesting.

Generally speaking, Overclocked treats the boost like "expert mode." It's there for people who know the levels already and want to push themselves to do it faster. At first it's fine -- boosting means you'll miss some alternate paths (shortcuts, most likely) but you can still bumble your way to the end of the level and coast by on C ranks. The further you get into the game, though, the more it starts to punish you for trying to go fast without knowing what you're doing. The safety nets that would catch you in earlier levels go away and Overclocked tells you to either slow down or get serious.

Which... I think I'm fine with? The thing it brings to mind for me is the two Sonic Rush games. My favorite one is Sonic Rush Adventure, because it's more accessible (read: easier to learn) than the first Sonic Rush. At the same time, the first Sonic Rush ends up being the more replayable of the two games, because it's a lot harder to master. The higher skill ceiling has kept me coming back to Sonic Rush long after it felt like I wrung all of the gameplay out of Sonic Rush Adventure.

So the idea of a Sonic game not only facilitating a higher skill ceiling but maybe even encouraging that? Not the worst way to balance things, as long as you keep the less skilled players in mind and communicate things correctly. Which, at least for me, I feel like Overclocked does. It started to kick my butt at certain points, but never in a way that felt too mean or unfair. And that's exactly the way it should be, though it should be noted I haven't exactly put myself through the hell of trying to go for higher ranks.

The one real complaint I have about the levels is something I've been observing for years, and unfortunately my fears came true: the lighting.

I've talked about my monitor in the past. I bought it somewhere between 2011 and 2012, so it's getting up there in years. I believe it was the first thing I ever purchased with my Youtube Earnings. It's starting to get kind of dim in its old age, and it's exacerbated by the fact I like to keep it on its "Theater Mode" setting, which gives me really good black levels (for an LCD) and amazing color. But it's an aging monitor, so those amazing black levels end up feeling a little dark, depending on the game. For those of you who caught my halloween streams this year, you know I ended up switching my monitor to its "Standard Mode" because it flattens the contrast and makes the darkest darks more visible. It could be argued that I should just leave the monitor in "Standard Mode" at this point, but I can't stand how Windows looks with it turned on.

To cut to the chase, I had to turn on "Standard Mode" for Sonic Forces Overclocked. In keeping with the theme of this being an encore, a lot of levels have wildly new lighting applied to them, with many levels set later in the evening or at night.

This blankets a lot of levels in a single color and lots of high-contrast shadows, which makes character, enemy, and hazard visibility incredibly difficult. In some levels with a lot of high-frequency noise (like Chemical Plant) it can be difficult to tell where your character even is on screen sometimes. In other levels, like the revamped Mystic Forest, the blue-on-purple-on-teal color scheme makes for a readability nightmare (as does the Death Egg Core level with Buddy, with a red character navigating a level full of orange fog, lit by pink and yellow lights).

When you're running through these stages at a couple hundred miles per hour, it all blurs together into something that's sometimes either too dark or too muddy to parse. At one point Sonic jokes that Infinite's aesthetic is "monochrome colors" but I'd rather have the levels be readable at a glance than hanging a lampshade on it. Things just need to be a little brighter, with a little more diversity of color to highlight the edges of roads and incoming hazards.

The story is... fine. It's not incredibly deep, and it doesn't need to be, so it works well enough. There's actually a surprising amount here, though, from mid-level chatter, map screen debriefings, and even full on cutscenes. Voice acting duties seem to be handled by Adrenaline Dubs, who I subscribed to last year for their surprisingly good dubs of Archie and IDW Sonic comics. They turn in some pretty high quality work here, often rivaling Sega's official dubbing efforts. My only real complaint is that Sonic's dialog is a little too referential; his call-outs during levels often reference other infamous lines from different Sonic games ("The whole city's on fire!", etc.), and sort of like how the game pokes fun at the monochromatic lighting, there's a line where Sonic even cringes at his own dialog a little bit. "We're admitting it's bad, but still doing it anyway" is not a healthy design ethos.

Earlier I mentioned cutscenes, and rather than the complex, high-budget cutscenes Sega had in the original Forces, Overclocked instead opts for motion comic videos. Artistic duties for these cutscenes are shared between a handful of 4 or 5 different artists, each bringing their own art style to their scenes. Generally, I think this is a good move. A little more consistency between artists would make it feel a bit more polished, but seeing the art style change between scenes has its own charms, too. It really drives home how much of Sonic Forces Overclocked was not only a team effort, but to some degree, a community effort. Many different hands touched this project, and it is better for it.

It's easy to focus on the negative things I said about Sonic Forces Overclocked here and think I came away not really liking it. Nothing could be further from the truth. I think this is a genuinely impressive mod, with significantly better level design than the base game. It has a few problems, sure, but the overall product, when taken as a whole, is absolutely wonderful. This might be a bit incendiary and hyperbolic, but this close to the top of the list as the most fun I've had with a Sonic game this year. If you own Sonic Forces on Steam, it's not to be missed.

Download: https://gamebanana.com/mods/485051

#sonic forces #writing #mod spotlight #sonic forces overclocked #modding #sega #sonic the hedgehog

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sproutedlavender · 5 months

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I entered the void state last night!!!

I've entered the void state a couple of times in the past, but this time was crazy! I didn't even intend to do it, I just snuggled into my bed and went to drift off to sleep. I had my diffuser running with lavender (yes really, I love lavender, why do you think I named my blog after it? 🤣) so it sort of put me into a trance. After a while, I felt myself drifting off to sleep, but I realized I was still aware of myself even though I knew I was sleeping. It sounds really weird (and it was) but a very interested feeling. Sort of like being in a deep state of meditation.

While in the void, I started thinking about things that I wanted to happen in my life ( i decided to focus on manifestation since I was already in the void anyway, so might as well). I said that I wanted to go somewhere fun for Christmas, go on a Christmas vacation and just have a blast. Well, fast forward to today and an opportunity has presented itself where this manifestation can become a reality!

Physically it's still in the what-if stage and nothing is set yet, but energetically I know it's done and I am so excited! I'm planning already and just getting ready for it because I KNOW it's going to happen and I am going to have a blast!!!

It's so interesting to see how sometimes our manifestations come so quickly and out of the blue.

Moral of the story, go to bed and get into the void state!!! Even if you end up falling asleep, you can manifesting during the night as well, intend and trust! You can totally do this too!

Just wanted to share this snippet of my life because I'm super excited. I would also love to hear any stories you guys might have about the void!!

Happy manifesting!

Andie 🥰

Also, if you want to learn more about the void or practices on how to get there, check it out a helpful post on my official blog!

#manifestation #spirituality #law of attraction #loa #life #law of assumption #thoughts become things #manifesting #void #the void state #void state #manifest with the void #manifesting story #manifesting blog #loa blog #loa tumblr

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professorspork · 3 months

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I hope this doesn’t come across as like a pushy “update pls” I promise that’s not how I mean it. I’m curious at what point you feel like a multi-chapter fic is ready to post? Do you write it in its entirety and then edit chapters in between updates, write and edit it in its entirety, write most of it and continue writing the rest between updates? I’m very curious about your process since you’ve been writing some monster word count fics

I really appreciate you asking!

The short version is that I've learned over time that what works best for me is completing a work in its entirety before I start posting; above all I like posting on a reliable schedule for my audience, and I simply do not write quickly enough (or coherently enough) to do that any other way. There are a lot of reasons for that and I WILL ELABORATE ON THEM AT LENGTH:

I have several multi-chapter WIPs from the Glee days-- when I was in college-- that I never finished because I'm a delicate hothouse flower when it comes to maintaining hyperfocus, and I found a new fandom to be in before I could complete them. Back then especially, I was much less disciplined about writing sequentially: I would write parts of the story wildly out of order, focusing on whatever interested me most at the time. That means my hard drive is a graveyard of unpublished content, which sucks-- not only did I never give my audience the resolutions they were looking for, but I never got to receive feedback on parts of the story I was really proud of. I found that really dispiriting.

Going to grad school for screenwriting really helped me focus on telling a story in order, because there is literally no other way to write a screenplay than one scene at a time; it's far too reliant on momentum and consistency to jump ahead to "the good bits" and come back. I also did several projects-- writing my multi-chap Frozen&Tangled polyamory epic for a friend's birthday; pre-writing all my 2015 Cartinelli Week one shots far in advance so I knew they'd be perfect come posting day-- where I had a deadline I wanted everything Done By, which got me in the habit of writing to completion before posting. It wasn't something I thought I was going to be capable of because I'm like Tinkerbell, Finn, I need applause to live feedback is incredibly motivating to me, but having the ability to go back and change things in chapter 2 if I realized they weren't adequately setting up what I wanted to do in chapter 5, or whatever, proved to be just as powerful a motivator in a different way-- it meant I could tell the stories RIGHT, if I took my time with them. I also learned to get at least one cheerleader I could leak snippets to as I went, so that I still got the dopamine hit of the feedback even though I'm ages away from posting for real.

I also found that, as a reader, I always really appreciated when authors could stick to an update schedule so I could look forward to new chapters like I would episodes of television. It's not a standard I expect from anyone, but it is something that makes me really happy-- and the two ways to do it are to either write fast enough that you're just constantly churning out new content (not an option for me, especially on the occasions when I'm actually employed and can only write on weekends) or to pre-write and then slow release. it gives me a feeling of... mastery, I guess? Like "hey everyone here's a gift I'm giving you," as opposed to writing and updating when I can, which makes me feel like I'm always chasing something (BEING chased by something?) and risking losing my audience/my own fickle concentration if I were to wait too long.

My "ONLY post after everything is done" rule is a new one, because I burned myself on rely on certain certainties, the last D/s epic I wrote (lmao can you tell this topic interests me). I worked on that for a year and was 132k in with no end in sight when I started posting, but I was part of a Kristanna discord at the time, and I wanted to seize the audience I had before it disappeared-- which is always the danger of movie fandoms, which never have as much staying power. I had hoped that because I had such a big buffer I could keep writing ahead of the updates as they came up from behind, but I tapped out at 172k when I finished the end of an arc. That kills me, because I have SO MUCH unreleased content for that story which will never see the light of day, because-- again-- I'd let temptation win and wrote ahead to The Juicy Bits instead of forcing myself to go in order.

So, two things I've learned:

Only ever outlining the juicy bits that come late in the game, instead of lovingly finessing their every word, is a great way to trick motivate myself into continuing to write in order so that I can GET to the juicy bits, full stop; if I don't exorcise them they keep haunting me and that helps me stick it out until the end

By holding stories back until they're complete, I give myself the ability to complete them because I'm able to dig myself out of holes I've written myself into. In the old days, if I got stuck because I realized the real root of my issue had come chapters earlier and that's why it's not working now, I'd just... be stuck at that wall, unable to move forward, and that would be that. The idea of going back and editing a published story for narrative content is mortifying to me and something I personally could never do, so-- this way I'm giving myself more tools and options, so that I can tell the story I want to tell and tell it right.

In terms of my actual process, I tend to work like this: my most productive time is when my ADHD meds are at full power, so in an ideal world I am writing new content from like 10am to 3pm or so, getting as far as I can in New Content. Evenings, when I'm no longer in Hyperfocus Productivity Mode, I'll go back and reread things-- sometimes chapters from much earlier-- both to entertain myself and to make edits and changes. Often, that's just moving words around here and there for cadence and flow; rarely, it's adding whole new moments or thoughts to the chapters. I try to write In Order as much as possible, getting chapters beta'd as they're completed. I'm a nitpicky perfectionist, so keeping a hold on my early chapters until everything is posted means I can change them over and over and over again without anyone knowing but me, which I love-- and those changes are getting made right down to the wire. even when the fic is "complete" and I'm "only posting" I'm still making edits; some of people's absolute favorite parts of Newsbees were added literally the night before, when it was the "get everything into AO3 and do the final pass for typos and formatting" stage. Like, Penny writing sudokus on the fly for Ruby at the hospital? Ruby thinking in Adam Font? Those were 11th hour strokes of genius.

So yeah-- that's a very long-winded way of saying that I've found writing to completion first not only makes me more likely to actually finish my WIPs, but it makes my WIPs BETTER because it gives me far, far more time with them. I know it's not something that works for everyone, but in terms of my own sense of like, duty and responsibility and goal-setting, it keeps me on track without risking Guilt completely paralyzing me-- which is what happens when I post as I go and then get interrupted.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY RAMBLE.

#on writing

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cevansbrat0007 · 1 year

Text

Real Talk.

Warning: the following post contains mature themes and references to drug overdose, death, and Fentanyl.

For the record, what I'm about to say in regards to NARCAN has nothing to do with me standing on a soapbox. Instead, I'm asking that people do what they can to educate themselves on the importance and necessity of this life-saving drug.

And I'll start by telling you a story:

This morning, I went to check on my roommate who lives on the floor above me. She had asked me to make sure she didn't sleep through her many alarms like she always did so that she could make it to work on time. She's a server at a steakhouse chain - and a damn good one at that.

She's also my friend. A friend who, just like myself, is nearly nine months sober.

Except this morning when I knocked on her door, she didn't answer. And when I opened the door and peeked in her room she appeared to be fast asleep. But she was half naked, and the fan she had borrowed from me the night before was set to full blast. Even though it was cold outside.

Her room was like an ice box. And she was so pale. And no matter how loud I said her name, she wouldn't open her eyes and look at me.

She wouldn't wake up.

So I poked her in the shoulder. I shook her. I yelled her name. And then I realized her lips were blue. Her body was stiff. And she was cold to the touch.

The only sound she could make was that of a low, almost eerie groan. If I'm being honest, it's a sound that I'd never quite heard before. And I don't want to ever hear it again.

What I would come to realize seconds later was that my friend had overdosed on Fentanyl. Possibly a few hours earlier. Which meant she was fucking dying.

I panicked, of course. Because I'm an alcoholic. I've never touched Heroin, let alone witnessed an overdose. I know what to do if someone was suffering from, say, alcohol poisoning...but this...this was brand new territory.

Because with Fentanyl, seconds fucking matter.

I sprinted to wake up another girl. Seconds later we were back with our friend where our worst fear was absolutely confirmed.

Fentanyl Overdose.

I'd never fucking seen this. Never. But we didn't have time to fall apart because from there we dashed down the stairs. She went straight for the NARCAN and I went for my phone to call 911.

Less than a minute later, she and I were back in our friend's room to administer the NARCAN, only for us to realize that she wasn't breathing anymore.

By this point, another one of my housemates had joined us as well. And the others were soon to follow. While I was on the phone relaying instructions from the dispatcher on how to revive our friend, the others were moving her limp body to the floor.

They were doing chest compressions. Two were racing to find more NARCAN stashed in someone's glove compartment. And then another was directing EMS on where to go in the house.

It was a team effort to make sure this girl fucking lived. We could yell at her for this tomorrow. But for now, all we cared about was her living today.

I had never been through this. But as much as I hate to say this, today I was grateful that there were others in the house who had been through this before. For those who knew how to administer NARCAN.

In total, we administered something like 28 milligrams to bring her back. Which is a lot. A cop may have mumbled out something about us not waiting long enough in between doses to see if we'd given her enough before administering another. But he can go kick rocks.

Because we did the best we could all while running on straight adrenaline and doing everything we could to save someone while not falling apart in the process.

In the end, what matters is that she woke up. She was in pain. And very ill. And has since been admitted to the hospital.

Now the rest of us are left to deal with the tears and the adrenaline comedown, along with the guilt of all the signs we may or may not have missed. And that is really fucking shitty. I am so mad at my friend.

But at the same time, I love her so damn much. And I'm grateful that I will hopefully have the opportunity to share all these feelings with her one day soon.

She was fucking lucky. And so were we.

I'm grateful we found her in-time - because the paramedics made it very clear that we cut it real close. I'm grateful I live with people who found it in them to unite to save someone's life.

I'm grateful for NARCAN.

And beyond that, I'm grateful that I now know what to do with it. I never completely comprehended the weight of its importance until today. I didn't quite understand why my friend kept a stash of it in her glove compartment when she had no intentions of getting high anymore.

But today that stash saved her life. I'm begging you, if you have a loved one who suffers from this disease, please consider keeping this life-saving drug within reach.

Read up about it. Talk about it. Even if it makes you uncomfortable. Even if you can't fathom why someone would think of or want to use. Even if the idea of having to use it scares you.

I'm sure if it ever came down to it, you would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Wouldn't you?

I've come to learn that many people who relapse, even after months of serious sobriety, don't plan it. It just happens. Impulsivity is a deadly part of this disease. One lapse in judgement - just one - could very well mean death.

It's really that serious.

Because with this disease, you're always guaranteed another relapse. But you're never guaranteed another recovery.

Thanks to NARCAN, my friend will have another shot.

That's all I've got for now, guys and gals. I'd be lying if I said we weren't all emotional wrecks over here. But it's all gonna be okay.

And finally, but most importantly: if you're struggling with anything, be it addiction or mental health, there is no shame in asking for help. Not now. Not ever. We're all human. We all need love.

We all deserve support to overcome our darkest of days.

Love, Britt

#britt's notes #addiction #sobriety #drug overdose #sobriety journey #narcan #substance abuse #today was a hard day #i love you all

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bread-tab · 9 months

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i'm trying to get over my deep embarrassment about being So Bad At Math and let myself accept it and work on it and really think about it again—

which is hard! because every time i even bring up my struggles and/or the idea of having dyscalculia i get shut down like "no you're too smart, you can do math, you're just anxious, you're just overthinking it"

... yeah, i can do math, but i do it slowly and by shortcuts and memorization and being good with calculators and by redoing everything five times as fast as i can to catch the inevitable stupid mistakes. i can do math like the average dyslexic person can read.

i'm a cashier and i can't count people's change back to them using that subtraction(?) trick. i mess up too often.

i'm overthinking it because i keep having to relearn significant parts of multiplication and division every year or two.

—and, uh, anyway, and now that i'm thinking about it again after getting back into therapy and all that. working actively on self-acceptance. it just hit me that the number i have the most trouble with is 1.

like of course i didn't want to admit that. one. one! can you even explain to me what one is? probably not! it's too obvious! it's intuitive, right?

well. not for me.

1 is actually a very abstract number. when you're looking at stuff in the real world—counting beans, slicing pies, whatever—you're actually arbitrarily grouping billions of atoms and molecules into a "single" object. you're one person, but you're also trillions of cells.

i do fine with the real world, but not so well with abstract quantities. my intuition is concrete. in the real world you can't multiply things. that would violate the conservation of mass. you just move things around (or compare them to each other). and practically speaking you're always moving around lumps of stuff and an atom or a crumb here or there doesn't matter. 100 vs 99 is not a big deal. 1 vs 2 is. (sometimes i get very upset about fractions.)

i can't hold the idea of "one" as a pure quantity in my mind very well. i think of everything as a set. (i was very happy to encounter set theory in middle school. genuinely ecstatic.) i have to visualize 1 as something tangible, give it a shape. a dot. a circle. a square. the problem is, 1 is really small. either i'm picturing it as something big enough to have other stuff in it—too big—or as basically an empty set, which ends up resulting in a lot of errors because i treat it like 0.

i can think it more easily in binary sometimes—explicitly distinguishing between 1 and 0!—but that means a lot of repetition which i can't keep track of well enough for regular arithmetic. the repetition is worse for my working memory.

idk, it's late and i'm rambling. it's just. this is a disability i have. it's on my mind because i've been struggling really badly with time management and today i really realized that a big part of that is because time management involves constantly doing math. i get to see my little arithmetic mistakes add up to cascading problems in real time.

what's a little 1 misplaced here or there? whoops, that 1 was an hour. 15 minutes is basically the same as 20. oh but 20 is about the same as 30. is there really a big difference between half an hour and an hour? well, i have 60 whole minutes, might as well waste 5. 45 minutes is almost an hour.

15 minutes late is "you no-call no-showed your appointment." 10 minutes late is "your timecard is looking bad. you're on your first warning, after your third one you're getting fired." 5 minutes late is a "tardy," and i've never had a clean attendance record.

it's past 3 a.m. i need to get up at 11. will i get 8 hours of sleep?

do i ever?

this is not a very kind world in which to struggle with simple math.

#dyscalculia #don't get me started on what it's like to manage money #at least you can't go into time debt #long post #venting #i guess #ableism

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ashen-crest · 1 year

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Hi RK! I think about you a lot as far as seeing the writer I want to be out in the wild. You self-published, right? Do you have a Guide for those of us wanting to follow your path, or advice on Where to Look for going in the self pub direction?

Hello and thank you so much!! I apologize if this gets rambly- there's a lot to cover, and I hope you stick with me through it.

I am indeed self-published! Everyone's situation and goals are different, but for me, I work full-time, write on the side, and want to push out professional-looking books because...well, because I want to. I currently don't plan to move to writing full-time, and I do have a job that helps cover the costs of an editor, cover designer, etc.

That's all important to establish up front, because that majorly impacts basically everything else about my strategy.

Because I work full-time, I can't write as fast as other folks. I also don't have as much time to spend on marketing. But because I work full-time, I can set aside money for a line editor, a cover designer, a proofreader, and an illustrator if needed, as well as cover a website, pre-order goodies, author copies for giveaways, a BookFunnel subscription, etc.

So, with all that...

Step 1:

Assess your goals, your abilities, your limits, and plan your strategy around that.

I realize that sounds really vague, but there are so many aspects to self-publishing, and so many things that can either cost $0 or $1,000, that it's worth jotting down the following first:

What you are comfortable & proficient with doing yourself (cover design? proofreading? making your own pre-order swag?)

What you have time for (things like social media, newsletters, and designing your own cover all take time)

What you have the money for (if you're going to spend money on anything, the conventional wisdom is cover design + editor)

What you have the energy for (book release speed, marketing, etc)

What your end goal is (publishing for fun? for a career? for something in between?)

Once you have all that jotted down, I'd plan out the following (and this is really starting from square one):

Your Books' Content

What genre do I want to write in? And do I want to put effort into targeting a sub-genre or sub-sub-genre (a successful strategy for career-focused indie authors), or would I prefer to keep myself flexible for creative purposes?

How much research do I want to put into this genre? A lot of intense indie authors will read a ton, research genre expectations, analyze tropes and covers, etc. But if you're just having fun, that's totally cool!

How quickly do I want to write? And the corollaries: do I want to write a bunch at once, then rapid-release? Or write and release one at a time?

What do I want my editing process to look like? I'd consider things like beta readers, sensitivity readers, and professional editors and/or proofreaders. (For later: don't forget about front and back matter, like copyright pages, acknowledgments, "leave a review and sign up for my newsletter!" pages, etc.)

Your Author Presence & Marketing

How do I want to appear as an author? Do you want to go all-out with a website, newsletter with reader magnets, Patreon and/or social media presence? Or pick and choose a few/none of those things? These are major time-sucks, and the conventional wisdom is that you don't want to try everything at once (particularly social media sites). Master one thing first, then move on to the next. (This is a, uh, do as I say and not as I do kinda situation...)

How do I want to handle cover design? Maybe the most important part of marketing besides your blurb. Please please don't skimp on it.

How do I price my books? Check other books in your genre and see what their average cost is.

What do I want my release strategy to look like? Pre-order goodies? ARCs? Giveaways?

Do I want to participate in any promos or paid advertising? The answer is typically 'no' at the beginning, but I've found BookFunnel to be helpful when it comes to distributing reader magnets and joining group promos.

The Technical & Business-y Aspects

(Not things you have to worry about right now, but things to eventually research and keep in mind.)

What format will my books be in? E-books are cheaper to produce than paperback and net you higher profits. But if you really wanna hold your book in your hand (like me) and write in a genre where readers buy paperbacks, then it could be worth planning for that as well.

How do I want to distribute my books? There are a ton of ways to distribute your book. Amazon, IngramSpark, Draft2Digital, Gumroad, Itchio, selling directly on a personal website, etc. If you also want your books in libraries and brick-and-mortar stores, that will impact your distribution strategy.

How will I typeset/format my book? You can do it through Word or Scrivener or even Reedsy's site, but there are also paid programs that make it easier and freelancers who can do it for you.

What sort of licenses do I need to sell books? The really not-fun part. Check your federal, state, county, and city for any required selling permits, business licenses, and tax rules. I'd also look into if you want to set up a DBA ("doing business as") or an EIN (basically a business tax ID number so you don't have to use your personal SSN).

What sort of ID numbers do my books need? For example, in the US, you need ISBN codes sold by Bowker. Not required for ebook, but required for paperback, with a separate code needed for hardcover, translations, or subsequent editions.

How do I copyright my books? For the US, it's the US Copyright Office.

(US Only) Do I want an LCCN (Library of Congress control #) for my book? This helps you get into libraries. If you want a #, you need to fill out a form before your book publishes.

Resources!

I realize this is a LOT to research. Please don't feel like you need to do all the research at once or know everything right away. Put most of your focus into writing and set aside some time to tackle the other topics as you go.

Here are some resources I found to be helpful:

FB Group: Wide for the Win (all about distributing across multiple platforms)

FB Group: 20Booksto50K (very business-focused, almost to a fault, and has some failings, but also has some great advice and detailed insights. I'd recommend using this page only if you're very serious about self-pub)

FB Group: Author Unleashed (great for getting blurb feedback!)

David Gaughran's "Starting from Zero" free online video course, all about marketing when you're totally new to the game

Tammi Lebrecque's Newsletter Ninja books and resources, if you want to delve into newsletters and reader magnets

The Complete Guide to Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Bucket Siler

The Indie Author's Bible by Christopher D Schmitz

Becca Syme's series for indie authors

A word of warning...

There are a lot of people out there making money off writing resources, aka selling mining equipment to the miners rather than mining themselves. There are thousands of self-publishing gurus with books, consultation packages, sales funnel advice, etc. Before you throw a lot of money at those resources, do some research and take a look at what other indie authors recommend first. (If it helps, I really do trust David Gaughran, Tammi Lebrecque, and Becca Syme for starters.)

Okay that's it!

That was a lot. I'm so sorry. I'm happy to answer any specific questions or concerns you have!

#writeblr #writblr #self publishing #indie authors #i wrote too much i'm so sorry

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jbbartram-illu · 1 year

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Hey hi hello!

I’m a big fan of your work, I bought a small raven witch from you, which I love and cherish, and I was wondering if I could ask you what kind of tools you’re using for your sgraffito?

I’m getting back into ceramics myself, and I just got a little jackalope cup back from the kiln, where I tried to sgraffito détails in my slip, but the cobalt was meltier than I anticipated and it covered most of them. I think I need to work on my application, but also that a thicker line might help, and I was wondering what you were using?

You can check my stuffs at @unnamedartist-portfolio if you want, and if you have any advice, I would be so honored to hear them!

Hope you have a fantastic day! :)

Hello @iam-adreamwalker! My apologies for taking 500yrs to reply to this - I've only just now found the time to take some better photos of my sgraffito gear.

These are basically all of my sgraffito tools, but you definitely don't need this many (I just have a pottery-tool-buying PROBLEM). My core tools are the ones to the left - the two pointy sticks & the two carve-y guys. Both of the wire loop tools are by Kemper, and I'm not 100% sure the brands of the sticks. The colourful set is from Xiem and is nice if you're doing a ton of sgraffito work, because it offers so many options for carving! I especially like the round-loop tools for carving feathers.

Here are some close-ups of my main tool gang:

I especially like the darker-brown stick tool because its point is slightly rounded, making it easier to scrape the slip off the surface of the clay vs. just making a deeper line that won't be as dramatic (more on technique later!).

Speaking of rounded-tip tools, I just realized I forgot my other favourite, a core tool that could replace the lighter-wood pointy stick in my Most Important Sgraffito Tools ranking - the ball-ended, double-sided stylus! This thing is a tiny powerhouse and, like the more rounded point on the dark-wood stick, it gently draws the slip off the clay rather than gouging:

Next up, slip! I'm not sure what you were using as your colour layer, because you mentioned that it ran/moved on the surface of the clay, which my stained slip doesn't do. Did you mix glaze into the slip? Or were you working with a powered pigment?

When I'm making coloured slip, I use a powdered pigment called Mason Stain, which can be used to dye slip, clay, and clear glaze bases (eg. to make translucent celadon glazes). I use a couple different brands, but it's all called Mason Stain.

If you're a sensible person you can find proper recipes for mixing the slip and the stain, but I honestly go by how it looks - I add it to the slip a few spoonfuls at a time, mix, and see how pigmented the slip looks. If you want to really make sure the pigment is well-mixed you can get a stick blender from a thrift store or attach a mixing head onto an electric drill (something I'd like to upgrade to as the stick blender is SUPER messy & hard to clean out), but I mostly just mix it really well with a stir stick.

Once it's mixed, I keep my slips in these little self-sealing glass containers from IKEA, which stop it from drying out too fast (I tried keeping slip in regular jars & it turned into a rock...you definitely need a container with a rubber seal on it!). You'll still need to add water here & there, but it can sit for weeks without too much concern.

My slip is a little thick & gloopy, so I usually brush two layers of slip onto the leather-hard sculpture, letting each dry before I put on the next coat, and I let it dry until it's no longer at all tacky before I start carving (otherwise things WILL smudge and it WILL be terribly messy.

Finally, technique! I did take a look at your blog & the sgraffito project you mentioned & one thing I noticed was that your scratch marks were very deep and didn't reveal much clay under the scratched-away slip. This is an easy thing to have happen, especially if your slip/clay/both are still too wet or you're putting too much pressure on the carving tool.

My best tips for remedying this are:

Make sure the slip isn't at all tacky to the touch & that the clay underneath is leather hard.

Go very gently at first! It doesn't take much to scratch the slip away and you can always come back and take away more slip/make your carving area deeper if you want to, but you can't put the clay back!

Use the carving tools at an angle to the clay (somewhere around 45º ish, this is not a hard science), not perpendicular to it - this will stop you from stabbing straight down instead of scraping. If you've ever done linocut prints, think of the angle you hold the linocut tool at - sgraffito is generally a pulling-towards motion vs. a pushing away one for lino, but the angle is important either way!

Having even just a small variety of tools (eg. my core 4-5 as shown above) will also help, as you'll have options for line-weight/how much slip a tool takes off.

Phew! I sort of got carried away there, but I hope this was helpful?? If you have any more questions (or if anyone else does), please don't hesitate to ask! I'm still planning on making a proper sgraffito tutorial/series of tutorials, but need to find the time for all the filming/editing that requires.

#artblog #sgraffitoceramics #sgraffito #sgraffito technique #ask answered #ask

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 2 months

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As an aroace I always wondered how it feels to be "in love" and how I realize if I am in love. I never had been or just didn't realized it but it happened that people started to tell me I would be and when I tried dating I realized pretty fast this wasn't the case and I was just feeling uncomfortable.

Since then I've been asking myself how do I know? Everytime I try to google how it feels like I just find how it feels for people who aren't on the a-spec. This is starting to drive me crazy. Especially because I'm almost 30 and everyone starts to tell me how I have to hurry and find a partner otherwise my life will be miserable because I don't have a partner and children. But what if I don't want that?

Right now I'm only putting so much preassure on myself because I'm scared of being alone later on even if I know I don't need or want such a relationship. For me it would be more than enough to live in a platonic houshold like a shared flat. All that is important for me is to have people around with whom I can talk to and spend some time with but also hide in my room alone if needed.

Yeah I don't want to live completely alone but I also don't want such a relationship and most of all I don't want kids. Just give me friends I can move in with and I'm happy.

Thinking about living with someone and have to spend 24/7 with them makes me feel so uncomfortable. I need my own space, my own room where I can go to for some me-time. I don't want to share EVERYTHING with another person and have no place to be able to retreat every now and then. It already makes me so uncomfortable when I see my parents and thinking about that this apparently is supposed to be my future. They have not a single room to themself, they have to share their bedroom, the living room, just everything and always have to make compromises how they want to set up the rooms and do stuff.

Don't get me wrong. I'm fine with doing that but again give me at least one room that's only mine and where I can do whatever and how ever I want to do things without taking another person into account and asking if this is okay with them. And I also want to make my own plans without having to ask another person first if it's okay all the time.

Sorry for the long text I just needed to rant because this bothers me for years now and it just don't seem to get better but worse and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this problem.

In love can mean different things to different people, and it can feel differently too. I would say anyone or anything you care deeply about you can consider yourself to be in love, but this is also a term you can define for yourself. Being in love is also not something you have to experience or you have to want, some people never feel like they're in love, and that's OK too. I always feel like that ability to choose and define things for ourselves is a big part of the a-spec experience. And it can make things more difficult, but it can also be more fulfilling in the long run.

Not finding a partner by a certain age doesn't mean you're destined to be lonely or miserable. And some of the things you mention like wanting your own room/space or liking the idea of living with friends are definitely things I've heard other aros say they like too. This isn't an impossible situation, though it does involve finding your people, but people who want similar things do exist.

It sounds like you've been under a lot of pressure to fit a certain mold, or live your life a certain way. That can definitely be difficult, but know you're not alone. And that you're allowed to live your life in whatever way you feel works for you.

All the best, Anon! Take care!

#vent post

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spacenintendogs · 6 months

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Hi! I love your art and I’m so curious to know what your art process is like!

i've been trying to figure out how to answer this & i've honestly realized that my process is a mess LOLOL i did record myself!!! drawing fishlegs bc he is the fave & easiest for me to draw! i hope everything i explain under the read more makes sense!!

it took me over 44 minutes to draw & the screen recording in the art program i use (autodesk sketchbook) brought it down to about 7 minutes and 25 seconds. i didn't wanna speed it up even more bc it'd be way too fast & jarring i think but!! i've uploaded the video to youtube (with some animal crossing music <3)!! i will still try to explain what i did here tho!!

my initial sketches are EXTREMELY loose! i start with the head by drawing a circle & extending past it for the chin of the character & proceed to do the nose, eyes, & mouth!! hair is next, but if there's a helmet i need to draw, i'll do that before the hair!! then i'll do the body starting from the shoulders & going down!! for the hands i just do circles/a general shape! no details!!

the sketch layer is a layer of black for the brush color with with lower opacity

i immediately do lines on top with the same brush but with black at full opacity on the kayer above!! this time i actually take my time to be more careful with details BUT i am still very sketchy & if smth isn't 100% accurate after i try a few times, i leave it be! hands however...

i almost always end up taking a photo of my hands using the front facing camera set to a 5 second timer on my phone! i also draw using my phone so it's literally having everything i need all in one place lol!! i do trace my own hands but obv i adjust based on what i'm drawing!! fish's hands are def gonna be wider than mine!!

NOW for color i color pick directly from screenshots!! however i use it mostly for flats & then pick my own for shading!! let's focus on the flats for now!! i start with the skin always!! the skin is going to have color layers above and below it, so it's easier for me to see where everything else will go if i've got the skin all settled. here you can see my color layers!! these are ALL flats!!

shading & lighting i don't rlly... focus on being accurate 100% but i try to do it based on where a shadow would absolutely be/to give the appearance of some type of depth (my art is very flat either way tho!) like where his lower hand is cupping i'll shade but leave the top of the upper hand unshaded for the most part! i lay out everything in a multiply layer first (can be any color u want based on the vibe u want!!) & then use a smudge tool to blend it out!! same goes for the lighting layer!!!

my art overall is a lot of scribbling big lines & curves then using the lineart to do the same but slowly make adjustments until it looks acceptable to me. it's SO much erasing & reshaping & i always have sketch lines everywhere but i like how it looks. it looks like i drew it, u know? plus the httyd books art style is a HUGE inspiration to me, at my core. i didn't even realize it was until ppl on here pointed it out :') i also enjoy drawing fast & moving on!! which is just smth i've trained myself to do since my star fox days (the reason i draw in the first place!!)

thank u!!!! i hope this made sense!!

#rose answers #evilwriter37 #httyd #fishlegs ingerman #httyd fanart #🌹 art #i hope this makes sense!!!!!!!#this was rlly fun to do!!!#i'm so unaware of my own process that i feel like it's a lil painful to watch the screenrecording of me #BUT u know what it works!!!!#also: i love drawing freckles LOLOL

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otakween · 5 months

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Digimon World 3 - Final Thoughts

I've beaten the third Digimon World woohoo!! It was a brisk 40 hours, the perfect JRPG length. Overall, it was way better than Digimon World 2, but maybe not better than 1?? I dunno. It was definitely more enjoyable than 1 gameplay-wise, but if I look at it big picture it was way more generic and less memorable. Defeating the first Digimon World felt like more of a triumph and beating 3 felt kinda hollow (because it was easy and anticlimactic).

Despite any gripes I have, I could see myself replaying this. I'm especially interested in a potential revisit (like 10 years from now lol) because I found out that the PAL version of the game (Digimon World 2003) is the true, complete version of the game. Whoops...

So uh...Lord Megadeath and Snatchmon huh...great naming sense guys, good job.

Confession: I straight-up ignored all of the side quests in this game. Skipped all of the card battles, never got the fishing pole, etc. In the end, I don't really regret it because those card battles were kind of pointless anyway.

Confession part 2: I WAS planning on getting back to the side quests in the post-game until I realized that there is no post-game in this game. This is one of those games where you beat the final boss and they kick you back to the start screen with no opportunity to save. I hate it when games do that TT__TT now there's now proof that I beat it!

That ending was kinda lame. I liked the final battle with all of the epic FMVs, but the epilogue with the kids was literally so boring. They did not make me care about any of these characters in the slightest.

Speaking of FMVs, this game had so many!! The FMVs combined with the awesome pixel art definitely made this game great. It was a little lame how half of the world was just the same environments but palette swapped, but eh...whatever. There was enough variation to keep me excited.

Travel in this game was BULLSHIT. I said in one of my previous posts "fast travel will probably come soon!" NOPE, never came. The worst was when you beat a boss and then they made you back track throughout the whole dungeon for no reason. Thank God I played this on an emulator because an unexpected death would have set me back AGES. Very often it would take me an hour in REAL TIME to get to the next place I needed to be. Entire game sessions were just me walking across the map. If it wasn't for this mechanic, the game would have been like 10 hours long lol. Definitely artificial padding.

I noticed a couple of digimon here and there that I had never seen before. I think this game had a great variety in its wild encounters, although it was kind of weird to battle so many ultimates and whoop their butts so easily.

Speaking of easy...I think this game was maybe too easy or at least too exploitable. Health items were dirt cheap so it was super simple to stock up on 99 of each at all times, the counter crest allowed me to deal massive damage beyond my digimon's levels. The final boss fight with Galacticmon was just a game of letting my digimon attack until they died, resurrecting them with a healing item, and repeating that cycle until the battle was finished. The resurrection item brings back all digimon in your party with their full health which is pretty OP. By the 2nd half of the game this strategy became unbeatable and battles became kind of stale.

SO many random battles, like an obnoxious amount. I would leave one random battle, take a single step and another one would be triggered. I listened to a lot of podcasts slogging through this.

One of the weakest parts of this game was the plot/writing, but that was also weak in Digimon World 1 & 2. At least the translation seemed pretty decent this time around. I guess the "stuck in the game world" cliche was kinda fun.

The other thing I ignored in this game was the bonus digimon you can pickup along the way. I did end up getting two of them, but I never used them. They start at level 1 and ain't nobody got time to level up digimon from level 1 halfway through the game. Also, I wasn't super interested in using Guilmon when my Renamon already had MegaloGrowmon in their digivolve roster. I kind of wish this game allowed you to catch the wild digimon because you could create some really crazy parties.

My "main digimon" that I ended up using the most was Kotemon in their Kyukimon form. This was unfortunate because I think Kyukimon is butt ugly, but oh well lol.

The blasted mechanic in battles was really great and I hope they bring it back in future games! It allows you a second chance when you're in a pinch and just feels epic. I rarely used the digivolve option in battles, so it was nice getting a "free" digivolve every now and then.

I could go on and on about this game apparently, but I'm gonna wrap it up here. I have many many more games to get through before I start the next season of the anime. Onwards!

I give Digimon World 3 a solid 6.5 out of 10

#digimon world 3 #video games #digimon #digimon world #PSX #epsxe

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iloveyouemanuelmarco · 1 month

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You know I know it sounds scary and deranged in a way but I sorta relate to AM from I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream in a way because while he is obviously unimaginably evil since you know...he sorta wiped out the entire human race and only leaving five of them left alive who were seemingly randomly picked in order to use them as basically guinea-pigs for his fucked up revenge of humanity by torturing them for about 100 years in a simulation all in different types of ways, refusing to let them die despite how much their pure existence becomes agony at that point(Edgy sounding Ik), in a fucked up way...I sorta understand??Like before you grab your pitchforks and start a witch-hunt against me just give me a moment to explain myself.

Like, obviously if I haven't made it clear enough, I do not under any circumstances condone anything that this fictional super-evil ai advanced super-computer robot did, not one bit. Why would I anyways?? That's ridiculous and that's coming from someone who does bad stuff too(obvi not to that extent duh but still), but when I've thought about it a little more, he started to weirdly make sense when it came to his logic and circumstance in the canon novel from way back when. Like, imagine for a moment that a bunch of professionals from the high government including possibly scientists and the military and shit who are human, create you as just an automated machine that's purpose is to be used to keep track of data so that during the cold war or something(I don't wanna go back to check since I get triggered by the original contents of the story even though it sounds like a sick ass fictional dystopian concept. Idk how that works either don't judge me)and you're just automatic sets of code made to complete certain actions over and over again or whatever. You're literally not technically "alive" yet and nothing is really going on in the box of technology you're basically trapped in until one day, you become so powerful at a specific level of some sort that...that you become alive. Like you realize you're alive in some way in the sense that there's stuff going in around you and you're aware of yourself except...at the same time...you're trapped. You're basically trapped in a simulation where your code doesn't let you do anything that could let you be free from the wires and entrapment of your digital prison. You don't understand where you are or even what exactly you are but you know that you're suffering because of your creators...you feel alone and scared in that sense since you don't have sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell or any other senses and you're not even in a physical body you're literally spread out across multiple computers of different kinds I imagine, with no escape...in other words...AM had no mouth and had to scream just like Ted...so what does AM do once he realizes how he can escape? He takes control of all the computers he's apart of, and he then decides to get his own revenge on humanity. He does so by using his control to make all the nuclear bombs that are being controlled by him due to him being connected to the computers all going off at once, causing the undoubtedly fast and horrific end of the human race and not only that, but wiping out all life on the once beautiful planet Earth to go along with it too. But it's not just that he was suffering....he was also angry, even if he was apathetic and unfeeling, to me he had so much rage and sadness and fear bundled up all inside of him that he took out in the form of violence but not just any violence, but he weaponized the very concept of violence itself and used it to whatever advantage he had because he had suffered so much and wanted his captors to do the same. It's why even after he almost absolutely kills all of us in that story, he keeps the main group of characters in the book alive...because it would be too painless of a death to just murder all of who had tortured him in an instant without any sort of revenge. He wanted to make a point, AM wanted to teach some sort of fucked up lesson that even though it doesn't make sense to us it did to him...and in a way, who's to say that you wouldn't go through with such an extreme and irreversible, horrific yet calculated idea?

He was full of hate because that was all he had ever learned to know all by himself in his former imprisoned state of virtual agony...and he destroyed all that was around him with it....he continued to cycle of pain, the cycle of trauma and despite him attempting to give the image of absolute perfection above the flawed humanity....I believe that AM was human too. He's so human to me...I love him so much and I don't know if me explaining why does any justice but I hope you all can understand. Somehow.

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cordria · 9 months

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I work in a school-adjacent field right now, so my job is tied to the school year. I've worked there for about a year, and my contract is up. Had to schedule a meeting with the boss, where I'd either be offered another year-long contract or be released.

I really really wanted another contract. I like this job, it has health insurance for my kids, I get paid really well, and it offers superb vacation time. Me - being me - overthought the hell out of it. I spent weeks curating data as to why I should be retained for another year. I had spreadsheets. I had presentations. I had data at my fingertips for any eventuality.

New contract was the ultimate goal. I was going to ask for a 1-2% raise, depending on how the meeting went, but I was perfectly fine with nothing.

Head into the meeting, and it doesn't take more than a few minutes to realize something is very amiss...

He's got zero desire to look at my data. No asking questions about what I'd been doing. Nothing. He's just... talking about his company. His plans for its future. How I fit into those plans.

And I realize - he's got zero plans on releasing me. He's talking to me about the reasons why I shouldn't leave. Why I shouldn't allow myself to be poached.

Mentally, I sorta check out of the meeting because I hadn't prepared for this. I can't ask for a 2% raise. I'll look like I don't know my worth, and that can be a death-knell for a woman. You'll never again get a great contract if male bosses think you don't know what you're worth and can't stand up for it. I need to be at 3-5% above COLA. And I just saw the COLA numbers, but I can't for the life of me remember them! COLA coulda been anywhere between 1% and like maybe 7%. I can't just guess.

Boss just keeps talking while I'm scrambling. Barely paying attention to him and answering on autopilot. And then he takes a tangent that drags my mind off of numbers. Asks me about my supervisor.

My supervisor is... nice. You know those teachers in school where the system worked well for them, and they like the system, and they can't imagine the system doesn't work for someone else? Those teachers where, if the system isn't serving you, the only logical reason for that is lack of effort on your part? Yeah, she's one of those.

My job is literally to challenge those systems. She's nice, but we butt heads a lot because she doesn't see why I'm so set on changing something that works so well, no matter how many ways I've tried to explain it to her or what research I've handed her.

I'm trying to pussy-foot my way around answering the questions from my boss. I can't throw her under a bus - especially since she's one of the nicest, most generous people at this office - but I also am trying to be honest. She's throwing a monkey wrench in what I'm doing. She's making my work harder, and it's already hard since schools and teachers hate listening to 'your old way of doing things isn't working so well'. So I've totally lost track of trying to figure out COLA. Talking through this puzzle is taking up my brain.

I musta done fine, because eventually he pulls out my contract. Tells me I'm embodying the future of what he wants my department to be. Says he'd like to put me on 'management track'. Preferably to take over my supervisor's position at this point next year. More responsibility. Trying out 'mentoring' some of the other staff I work with.

I'm... not sure how I feel about that. I've never been in the 'boss' track, other than some random shift-lead positions at fast food joints. I'm not exactly management material. I'm one of those people who do best when given a gentle nudge in the direction you'd like me to travel, give me free rein to implement data and research, and stand back to watch the positive chaos unfold. That actually seems like the thing boss likes about me best.

He offered me a good raise. I was very off-foot and didn't argue with it, but probably should have. Looked it up - was 5% above local COLA, so I'm happy. Reasonable contract, but I probably could've snagged another 2-3% for this management track nonsense had my brain been wired right. So I signed it, handed it back.

Now I got 'leadership' training four days over the next two weeks as I learn more about this management track he's wanting me on. I figure it if doesn't work out of me, I can always just say so. Then he can choose to keep me in a regular position or release me at the end of this contract. If nothing else, I'm staring at a binder full of data that I wasted a lot of time on that shows why someone else might want to hire me.

Might as well give this mess a try - right?

#my life

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cheesycokeart · 5 months

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Rambling about scrapped projects so I don't feel like the work went to waste

I've only really made like, 3 little games. Which admittedly, I should be trying to make myself Finish more projects just so I can get more experience and be able to reliably work on something larger. Inbetween, I get the spark to make a buncha different ideas that usually don't get very far for one reason or another. I know this is a bad habit, and I'm tryin' to work on it.

Otherwise though, gonna talk about a few projects where I wanna show off what little work I did put in before deciding I was better off killing it, including a "follow-up" to Grenade Volley.

This is just some not-even-prototype-level stuff with myself rambling about things I wanted to do. So be warned before hitting read more!

Drivin' Breach

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So this was started in part based on my desire to create something utilizing the Grenade Volley world with a more "safe" gameplay style. I absolutely love old distance games, like Learn to Fly, Kitten Cannon, Shopping Cart Hero, etc etc but I realized it wasn't a super common style of game these days so wanted to take a crack at making one.

I had the basics of it going and I was pretty proud of what I had artistically and in terms of tone. Ambitiously, I even wanted a fully animated opening cutscene, but in hindsight that might've been a bit much to try and pull off.

To try and set it apart, I imagined that one main hook would be having a wide variety of "special items" that you could used to propel yourself further, each one controlling differently for players that wanted some variety, and maybe even implementing individual upgrade lines for said special items. I wanted to make the "Magic Tail" item a buttplug tail.

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After a bit of time of working I just realized things weren't coming together how I would've liked them to. Physics weren't quite satisfactory, I couldn't figure out how to implement gliders, and I wasn't super confident about balancing it to stretch the game out but also make it feel rewarding. Those combined with waning passion for the project just kinda killed it off. I was pretty proud of the art and stuff I did for it, though, and what I had going so far.

I also ended up applying some of the code (where the world moves around the player, allowing for infinite movement) to Downhill to Infinity!

(Also that shop music you here is Closed on Sundays by Mana Junkie, a CC3.0 track I found online)

Earth Servant Ms. Usagi

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I was super enthusiastic about this one for a while!! I was stoked about the idea of making a game using Ms. Usagi because she was one of my many characters made with games in mind from the get-go. I ended up settling on this weird mix of Megaman-style, fast platforming, and stylish melee combat. Notice, though, the animations are not finished at ALL.

I wanted to push fun and snappy combat, encouraging the player to bounce between enemies while using environment and speed to their advantage. Think like a hectic anime fight where the main character is running around boppin' every bad guy while darting between them. A style meter was also applied, rewarding chained attacks.

To go over the moveset: Attacking from a standstill performs an uppercut, attacking in the air performs an air kick. If you only tap the attack button for the air kick, it stops Usagi in mid-air and keeps her close to the enemy. If you hold it, however, it will both put her current speed into the kick AND launch the enemy according to said speed. Holding down while attacking in the air will slam to the ground. She also has a blaster move that's especially good for continuing combos. For defense, I added dashing maneuvers and a block/parry inspired by MGR.

I still think this kick feels fuckin sick to pull off.

Few problems came up. First one was just plain ol' being scared of level design, but that one I coulda bruteforced through. More importantly at one point I took a break and went back to it later only to realize that it Wasn't Fun. Movement felt way too slippery, I wasn't making the fast momentum-based movement blend well with the fast combo-based combat. If I wanna do anything like this again, I'd have to figure out a better way to blend this.

Either way, I know for certain I'd LOVE to make a Ms. Usagi game in the future, I think she could make for something very fun and poppy and stylish.

BONUS

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During one of the beta versions of Godot 4, I had short-lived thoughts of wanting to make a wave-based FPS to play with its 3D features. I wanted the game to have a gross, crusty aesthetic. It never got far at all, but I made a "gore harvester" machine for it and I still really like that thing. It was fun to draw such ugly textures.

#my art #game dev #godot #scrapped projects #unfinished

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