right so.

i finally finished ep. 5 of All Systems Struggle.

if you wanna find out more info, it's in my pinned

hey bestie can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh tera

i cant remember if ive seen what tera looks like beyond sheik so i improvised 🤪

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

my absolute favourite FAVOURITE thing about john/alecto is that they are both each other's fucked up little science project that got Very out of hand.

they are both simultaneously victor and the creature to each other at all times. they love each other they ARE each other, they are divorced and married at the same time. they (literally) can’t live without each other and each will be the other’s end. they still love each other despite this.

fucking bullshit how when a member of the working class isn't thriving in a system meant to exploit them it's somehow their fucking fault because one way or another they've somehow Done Something Wrong.

"you should have asked for more hours" what if you're working all you fucking can while still being able to stay awake on the job. which we shouldn't have to fucking do.

"you shouldn't have spent too much on things you don't need" you should be able to spend on one or two nice fucking things without being broke

"you should get store brand instead of name brand" getting the store brand of everything still amounts to hundreds of fucking dollars for a week's worth of groceries

"you should have listened to the financial advice you got as a teenager" we did. we fucking did.

"you shouldn't have spent so much in loans" we did so we could get those Good Jobs You Need Degrees For like you fucking told us to

"you should have gotten a better degree" I shouldn't fucking need one to have a job that I can live off of

"you should have started working sooner so you could have saved up" not every teenager has parents that will fucking let them work and even then you should not have to work on top of school as a fucking child

"you should have listened to this financial coach" I am not fucking poor because I didn't listen to some grifter trying to sell me a fucking "course" that I can't afford. I fucking promise you that.

"you should have" "you should" "you shouldn't have" "you shouldn't" you should maybe fucking consider that this is bullshit. jumping through these hoops is bullshit. trying to do everything you were advised to just to still end up in shitty circumstances is bullshit. trying to prove you've made all the choices you were told were the right ones just to try to get people to believe your struggling isn't your fault is bullshit. still being told it's your fault because you didn't do this Secret Financial Life Hack or whatever is bullshit. it's all bullshit.

I always feel so out of place even in system communities. Does anyone else relate at all??

Like, idk some system memes are cool and relatable bc obviously not everything is gonna line up, but so much of it doesn't click with us.

We've almost never been put off by the voices, we all wanna communicate, we don't think less of each other or think 1 deserves more front time than anyone else, etc. Idk, there's so many memes about denial and eating each other's food and all this distress. Which is i know, a major part of many system's lives. Part of what makes a meme is the repeatability and a lot of systemhood IS struggles in that area.

But what about systems who do everything right (in the sense that we have healthy coping and such)? What about systems who unconditionally love each other and dissociative barriers are something we work around instead of fighting? What about the systems who love the voices?

tbh sephiroth. is this anything

I’m finally biting the bullet and contacting a therapist today after being ambivalent ab it for so long… this hellsite has its many disadvantages but one thing I can say is it has truly helped me be less scared of pursuing therapy. Silver lining etc etc

So I see folks pointing out that Louis' circle A tattoo is more likely an aesthetic choice than an announcement of a political commitment to anarchism, and saying basically that that maybe makes him a bit of a poser and I mean- I GUESS. But I don't like to look at things that way and I don't think it's useful. As I see it the subversive sexiness of the symbols of resistance have ALWAYS been gateways for people who are drawn to the struggle in vague ways and that's GOOD. Aligning yourself with those values is good no matter the reason, in my book, especially given the wretched options available out there, but also the journey doesn't necessarily stop there. Gatekeeping queerness victimizes people who are just trying things out and starting to discover that it may run deeper than just trying on a new look who should instead be welcomed and helped along their path, and I fail to see how gatekeeping political affiliations is any different (plus how counterproductive to actual movement building is that?)

ANYWAY. What I really want to say about Louis is that while I KNOW that Louis is probably not secretly a theory reading anti-state communalist anarchist, I think that actually Louis' optimism and idealism (and his unwavering commitment to allying himself with the working class and embracing those roots) are a perfect fit for the philosophy and always have been. I know that anarchism is mostly understood as being about throwing molotov cocktails and fighting the state (and the allure of its symbols are that they signify this, a terrific aesthetic for him to choose to sign on with in my book), but that's honestly largely cartoonish stereotyping that comes directly from anti-anarchist state propaganda. That resistance is necessary in this hellscape of oppression we live in and is super important, but in its heart anarchism is only about the state in that the state and capitalism currently stands in the way of its goals. The whole point of anarchism is that it's NOT about the state! It's about being able to imagine something better than a state, it's about how we live and about how we SHOULD live, it's about HOPE and picturing something utopian and something free of the ways capitalism pits us against one another! What could be more Louis than that?

"I need you and you need me and I love that" is as beautiful a way of talking about the cornerstone of anarchism that is mutual aid as any long winded essay I've read (even if what he meant was contextually different), and I think when he talks again and again about how special the space fans have made around him is he is expressing an intuitive understanding of the importance of autonomous zones, places and moments outside of the shitty life imposed on us by the system (also a huge part of anarchist thought). Maybe I'm just being an optimist but I think that Louis DOES understand that caring for people and wanting self-determination and freedom for all and allying himself with the working class involves a certain amount of resistance to and positioning yourself in opposition to the state. Thinking the symbols of smashing that state are cool isn't meaningless; it's a CHOICE. There are other cool symbols out there and I just happen to think that feeling a resonance with certain ones is something in and of itself, even if at this moment he does not choose to start a fight with the media about it all.

Is there a 300 page essay about Murderbot's armor (specifically the opaque helmet) as a not-so-subtle metaphor for masking in a clearly neurodivergent character already? Because I need it.

The way Murderbot is unvoluntarily without its opaque armor in All System Red in front of the crew (i.e. unmasking) and appears surprised at its own strong facial expressions and other people's reaction to it? The vulnerability that comes with that and how Murderbot spends pretty much the rest of the book wearing or actively missing its armor which keeps it safe from the mortifying ordeal of being known (yet sometimes other characters suggest it might help for it to not opacify the helmet in order for others to see it as a person and to trust it (and in the end idk if it would have achieved the rewards of being loved by its humans and have had its needs met if it hadn't unmasked in this relatively safe environment sometimes)).

Also there's the whole avoiding-looking-directly-at-people-and-using-drones-instead thing which Murderbot usually hides using the opaque helmet, but whenever it doesn't have that people notice it and many react negatively/confused. I think that's a whole neurodivergent-applicable situation in and of itself? Like damn

And then Mensah encourages Murderbot not to wear armor on Preservation station since it would not need it there, Murderbot is hesitant but ends up not wearing any (like 4 books later when we finally get to that bridge) (going for the comfortable clothes it chose for itself instead, with very strong feelings about the whole being able to make choices thing that I cannot go into further at this point because I would absolutely end up BITING SOMETHING OR SOMEONE).

And I'm not going to advocate for unmasking all the time in any setting because hell no, sometimes it absolutely sucks and people are irritated by Murderbot's now visible quirks and are afraid of what they don't know, but many GET TO KNOW Murderbot better and because there are other people that make sure Murderbot is safe and respected and are willing to get people fired for it if they disrespect it (Pin-Lee my beloved) Murderbot can experiment with this situation without being exiled to some abonded part of a planet and other people are forced to spend enough time around ot to learn to respect it and even like it. I just....... It must be so scary and Murderbot is handling so much at once and in this essay I will

PS sorry this is a disorganized mess but so am I and I have so many Thoughts and even more Emotions and so little patience.

""#girlmath""

Alright, let's start things off right.

(Icon & image by my friend @thejade) Hi, my name’s Wonder. I’m 22 years old as of writing this, I go by he/him, and I like Kamen Rider and rabbits. I made this account a long while ago to commission some people, but I'm probably gonna start talking here a bit more.

I’m also a bit of a writer from time to time (you can check my portfolio here: (https://bit.ly/3opIp7y) and you can find my commission info here: (https://bit.ly/3ouatH2).

I do a lot of shit like:

Caleb's Quest: a series of stories I've been writing that uses my playthrough of Pokémon Sword as a base (EDIT 4/3/2023: twitter moments broke and i can't edit them, so i moved my shit to wakelet) - base game - isle of armor - crown tundra (currently a WIP, working on the final story) - post-game & other side content

All Systems Struggle: a Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Lv. 9 CPU tournament series that's also inspired by Kamen Rider (loredoc/episodes & roster can be found here: https://bit.ly/3UNx1zI, https://bit.ly/3ArNH7P)

Some other standalone/fan stuff that can be found in my portfolio

I also have a shitton of OCs.

(art by another friend @NerdyReindeer on twitter and @bri-wolfer on here)

Here's hoping I post more often. (will edit this as more info comes up/changes)

collection of me trying to figure out how to draw this guy

ruby going after bumbleby's relationship hits a lot harder through a nuts and dolts lense bc then "figure out your feelings" is yet another thing that's been robbed from her forever now and yet blake gets to be visibly in love with her older sister and at peace with it while she's lost penny twice now and this time permanently

brennan: so you're in the last standard exam in an alien realm and in the stands you see a bunch of arthur agueforts, they're cheering for you, they're talking to each other, they've got your names written on their chests

editors: zooms in on the two arthur agueforts who are making out because they know how we are

Dear Lucifer

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr