#i dont like to unmask. it sucks. but it can be so worth it. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scificrows · 10 months

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Is there a 300 page essay about Murderbot's armor (specifically the opaque helmet) as a not-so-subtle metaphor for masking in a clearly neurodivergent character already? Because I need it.

The way Murderbot is unvoluntarily without its opaque armor in All System Red in front of the crew (i.e. unmasking) and appears surprised at its own strong facial expressions and other people's reaction to it? The vulnerability that comes with that and how Murderbot spends pretty much the rest of the book wearing or actively missing its armor which keeps it safe from the mortifying ordeal of being known (yet sometimes other characters suggest it might help for it to not opacify the helmet in order for others to see it as a person and to trust it (and in the end idk if it would have achieved the rewards of being loved by its humans and have had its needs met if it hadn't unmasked in this relatively safe environment sometimes)).

Also there's the whole avoiding-looking-directly-at-people-and-using-drones-instead thing which Murderbot usually hides using the opaque helmet, but whenever it doesn't have that people notice it and many react negatively/confused. I think that's a whole neurodivergent-applicable situation in and of itself? Like damn

And then Mensah encourages Murderbot not to wear armor on Preservation station since it would not need it there, Murderbot is hesitant but ends up not wearing any (like 4 books later when we finally get to that bridge) (going for the comfortable clothes it chose for itself instead, with very strong feelings about the whole being able to make choices thing that I cannot go into further at this point because I would absolutely end up BITING SOMETHING OR SOMEONE).

And I'm not going to advocate for unmasking all the time in any setting because hell no, sometimes it absolutely sucks and people are irritated by Murderbot's now visible quirks and are afraid of what they don't know, but many GET TO KNOW Murderbot better and because there are other people that make sure Murderbot is safe and respected and are willing to get people fired for it if they disrespect it (Pin-Lee my beloved) Murderbot can experiment with this situation without being exiled to some abonded part of a planet and other people are forced to spend enough time around ot to learn to respect it and even like it. I just....... It must be so scary and Murderbot is handling so much at once and in this essay I will

PS sorry this is a disorganized mess but so am I and I have so many Thoughts and even more Emotions and so little patience.

#murderbot #the murderbot diaries #all systems red #murderbot diaries #𓄿 #i sincerely hope this post isn't insensitive because i feel like the autism vibes are strong with murderbot and i am not diagnosed with tha #but i have adhd and a fun mix of anxiety and depression #and i've been deepdiving into autism research to help get one of my closest friends diagnosed (not possible at the moment)#and i relate so strongly in many ways and i dont know if its just that adhd and autism can overlap heavily #or my personal cocktail of adhd anxiety depression etc #or if i am on the spectrum somewhere myself #in any case i feel very strong solidarity and i hope i am not overstepping #but the main point here is the masking and that is DEFINITELY something ive been struggling with a lot recently #hence the strong emotions lol #i dont like to unmask. it sucks. but it can be so worth it.#and i am practicing and learning and trying my best #i feel like this fun sideblog for my scifi hyperfixations is quickly turning into a mess of therapy ramblings for myself #maybe thats because i love these books particularly BECAUSE i relate so strongly to these characters #in ways that are not NormalTM. and surprising for me #and ways that really help me figure out who i am and why dealing sith other people is so difficult for me #welp nevermind #all hail murderbot i guess

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grahmcrackerboi · 1 year

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I wanna put on layers because now days I get cold and it sucks I need two covers to sleep and keep myself warm. I'm not cold if it's so hot to where the crayons melt on the pavement other than that I am cold my hands mainly my fingers get cold and my ears and I have a beanie in my backpack but I feel like ifi wear it ill look weird im trypong off of the my key oard where theres no capaltization or auto correct so im just typing like this snd i dont care thag much i think i have a sore throat because I threw up yesterday not on purpose i literally just woke up from my nap and threw up when i woke ip maybe i ste too many cuties but ig it sas worth it but my throat is so re now

i think i can speak about my lfie on tumblr like its no one's business it feels nice i guess because even if. i dont get engagement on here i at elast have a personal outlet with a form of anonymity.

i dont think i have to make sende on here because i ca just speak even when im not physically speaking i have an outlet i feel that this is possibly a more positive oitlet compared to my ntoes which have bad thigns.

i linda wish i could be luci at times i sure hes a sweet person lol i dont lnow

is it lies or are they actually happy? because im sure it's possible to physc yourself into thinking your fine and happy with the self distruction but in the oong run it, likey

i feel so odd like ts posting thigns om twitter like hes the smartest person on the internet or even like some weird reddit incel i dont know i wish he wasnt a bad person because i wont lie i feel pike if he wasnt bad i would actually engangenin his content i guess or lsiten to his music which i do but i listen to it on soundcloud

sometimes i feel like i dont wanna bw here because i didnt take my anti depressants but than i remember thag i have to live,i have a life i need to live even if i dont like ir but also because i dont want to fie or unalive myself and have jim thinking "oh he did it because of me" like no your not thag important bro anywho im been listening to mm they're music kinda helps likw when i started listening to ms sheets music as a coping mechanism i need to find the picture i thinl i have it in my camra roll owir weweweew i dont have the picture ^_^ hapoy i gues

he got me a xbox but i showld have asked 4 a 3DS XL i miss playing on a ds i miss my dsi meanwhile in dyf hes talkinf about wanting to f*ck his iphonei thought the wbll rang for a second

i dont like feeling anxious to where my chest feels where empty alsmot? does tumblr have a certain amount to how much you can type? iw onder of whell hope not.i might edit this text iiiddkk

i winder if i was unmasking i dont know yesterday ahe said why do you have an attitude it was because i didnt take my medication not because of the miney that stupid it didnt feel real life mever feels real anyways so it doesnt matter? i felt like almost not being here but mo because i font know what awaits me in death.

fucking hipster fa- i should reallychange my usernamw i think i need to type faster hahah than i can type not normal i font care tbh i can be myaelf here without judgement unlike life i hate life because people judge people too much like you dont know me yet you mock me because of my voice or the way i look

i guess i sometimes feel bad because im werid or different but that's because i guess ir isnt recived by the public as socially acceptable but i gues its okay because wveryone is different right?

im cold and im twichtuimg/moving

i guess i got moved in my marh class idk shy magbe its like my english class wbere theres different places/groups for certain levels?

i dont know but um i think ill skip english/6th period for my own sake of my mental health?

i domt wanna be bullied or mocked because of me just living its like please let me be i canf stand up to them because itll make things worse but its okay i guess ewie random uncomfy feeling in my body ack itll be otay it eventually goes away j down know whag 2 do

i wont lie i kinda like beinf different from towth people sometimes but i also dont sometimes but its okay because i have people that im friends woth people thag are kinda like me so that makes me happy gouss ooo new way to spell guess hehe

this is scary bro this man still creps me out sorry mike

i feel like i have to stop myself sometimes from being 2 weird because o dont wanna weird out the people that are my friends

okay okay im dine inmeed to put my things im order first ts second mm third ma?

lol hw was high in it

funny enough mars popped up and i was looking om mm ahh my stomach feels weird bruh djsjfnsj

how i feel

did i write too much?

hope mot

#tumblr is my personal diary #https.womper #titanic sinclair #ts #mars argo #brittany alexandria sheets #brittany sheets #melanie martinez #crybaby purfume #vent ig #idk bruh #random posting #skipping class

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jhindraven · 4 years

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okay now that issue 6 is out and ive read the thing like 3 times, im gonna do my full review/breakdown of the zed comic and allll my thoughts on it.

no screenshots bc i dont want this to be longer than it is already, and also im not gonna talk about the art itself either. this is simply about the characters, the story, and how that relates to the lore of league itself.

all of this is my opinion, you can agree or disagree with me whatever, yadda yadda lets begin

ISSUE ONE

Probably the best one? In my opinion. The lack of expectations really helped this one not suck. Also the most consistent when it comes to characters personalities, comparing them to the in-game voice lines from league and the card game.

There are scenes in issue 1 that almost foreshadow, or at least reference, the events of Issue 6, specifically Zed looking up to the statue of Kusho, and how Zed kills Althon vs how Zed kills Kusho later on.

The dialogue between Shen and Akali is.. a little clunky? Shen’s dialogue is just a little. formal. but to the point that he sounds like he’s lecturing a stranger, not talking to a former student.

Jhin giving Zed his scalpel from 19 years ago is a neat detail that I wish they used more in the story. Sure, we can assume now that Jhin probably only got it because Kusho gave it to him at some point after releasing him- which means that the scalpel is one of the many wasted plot opportunities I’ll bring up here. Part of the appeal of that scene, if only just for me, was the idea that Jhin stole it from Zed while he wasn’t looking. I remember people pointing out background characters and being like “but what if that’s Jhin there! what if he was there all along!!” But that has now been thrown out the window.

A thing I wish they did was shown more of Jhin’s ‘performances’, even if only in a montage. To show more of the impact this had on Zed and Shen, the strain it put on them mentally and emotionally, and how it affected their relationship. But I understand time and probably page restraints. So whatever about that.

Again, I think this was the best one. Set up the story well, showed why everything happening is important for the character. Neat, cool. Let’s move on

ISSUE 2

Seeing the bodies was pretty fucked up, but tbh? That shit vibed. It’s one of those things I hoped they were gonna do and they did. The bodies looking like porcelain with gold blood?? And the peacock feathers???? Thats fuckin cool as hell. Then they never did it again.

In the flashback comes one of the worst fucking things in this comic. Yevnai.

Listen I adore Yevnai as a character, one of my favourites to come from the comic. You know, in the ONE ISSUE SHE ACTUALLY SHOWS UP IN????? She shows up as simply conflict between Shen and Zed (which never actually comes up mind you), as bait for Jhin, and for? Zed to show that he can sense magic from her kids to show that she’s been cheating on her husband with Quno the vastayan servant (bc we know Zed hates vastaya i guess?). oh and Guess What? the sensing magic thing also doesn’t show up again.

Oh and Jhin follows Zed to Yevnai’s place. But nothing happens from that.

Issue 2 was good, but just a total waste imo. A lot of plot points set up only to never happen again. Best things about it were dead bodies, Jhin’s tiny Zed and Shen puppets, and the knowledge that Shen still writes letters to Yevnai :’(

ISSUE 3

I got so fucking pissed when this issue came out, no shit. They took the events of The Man With The Steel Cane and just. Threw it out the window. I did a whole other post about my issues with it so I won’t just rewrite the same shit twice. But I had to actually stop reading and pace angrily for a bit. I HATE issue 3 bro.

The scene with Kusho :) . Good to know that was now a waste of misdirection because EVERYONE seemed to call that Kusho was still alive. What bullshit. But I’ll get to that.

The inconsistencies in character really show in this one. And that connects to it being a shitty rewrite of The Man With The Steel Cane. They probably wanted a fight between Shen and Zed by this point, being halfway through the comic, and just shoved it in there. Doesn’t mean I’m not mad about it.

Akali and Kayn’s dialogue was probably the best thing in the entire issue. I don’t vibe with Akali/Kayn as a ship personally, but it got a giggle out of me im ngl.

Akali attacking Zed. I guess yeah sure she would. Fits her whole “fuck you i wont do what you tell me shen” vibe. But SHEN? calling off the armistice between the yánléi and kinkou due to the actions of one of HIS ex-students?? Shen would never. Let’s add another point to the ‘This Is Really Out Of Character’ board!

The sworn and witnessed scene was nice, it’s what Kayn deserves. Finally knowing the Kashuri Faction was nice, too bad they never get fucking mentioned ever again I guess.

There’s so many references to The Man With The Steel Cane that they could’ve implimented so much better, especially dialogue. I can’t read the original story without feeling cheated out of what it was before Issue 3. So more wasted potential I guess.

Issue 4

This was a big step up from Issues 2-3. My personal favourite, but not the best (if that makes sense). But there isn’t too much to talk about here? Jhin sets off his bombs from the last issue, it looks cool, but there’s no real story to talk about here. There is a lot of character stuff to talk about though.

Zed choosing to save Shen over getting Jhin is fucking HUGE for Zed as a character. For a character so hellbent on vengence throughout the entire thing choosing instead to save his "hated enemy and closest friend” ?? im sobbing.

This whole comic was emotional as hell, and the most character development we ever fucking saw in this thing. From Zed’s daddy issues to the realisation that Zed’s shadows are shades of Jhin and Kusho (which is now fucking hilarious and makes no sense after Issue 6).

There was a lot of setup for plotpoints that actually did show up later for once, like Kayn being the temporary leader and all that jazz. What it had in emotion, it seemed to lack in real story progression until the end.

Issue 5

This issue was weird for me. Like there was a lot of plot and a lot of character shit that seemed so condensed that it felt like nothing. Zed’s confession in the cell-wagon and the information that Shen was out fighting Noxians too? Alright, sure okay.

Shen still seems wildly out of character for me, since we mostly know him as this beacon of peace and calm- he’s so violent towards Zed all the time it’s strange. Like he points a sword at Zed while saying that he isn’t allowed to kill Jhin, wtf

The callback to Awaken is fucking superb. Really solidifies that video into the lore of the game. Camille being mentioned had me like :hearteyes: This is a nitpick- but I wish we knew what happened at the end of Awaken. Is Camille okay? Did Jhin get injured? It was a week ago, if he did get injured- where and how did he recover so fast? Little details that I wanna know, not really for any real story purposes.

Rhaast finally showing up :hearteyes:, nothing else to add bc nothing else happened with him.

Jhin making the most of Piltoven technology is really cool, and its a scene that made me go “OH YEAH he was a stagehand for a good period of time!!” That’s what we call Tying In Pre-Existing Lore fellas.

Jhin just really shined in this issue. Really set him up to be The Big Bad of the comic, like he had a monologue and everything! Once again, though, that gets absolutely wasted by Issue 6.

Issue 6

Where do I fucking start?

Let’s start with Jhin. I don’t know about yall, but since we spent a solid 5 issues chasing after him I expected more of a dramatic fight. More like the explosions in Issue 4. But uh we got. Some fancy prop work before he got punched in the face twice and thrown on the ground. It’s What He Deserves but like you know, he deserved worse.

As much as I didn’t want it to happen, I’m disappointed they didn’t unmask him at all. His mask was still fucking pristine by the end of the fight!! Not a scratch, not a chip!! But to be fair I think we got maybe 2 pages worth of a physical fight with Jhin so,, sure. Whatever. Out goes 5 issues of setting up? Not to downplay the conflict in that scene of course, I think it was pretty cool. It was just so anticlimactic at the end like wh-

Kusho! Haha they got us good!! The dead dude is actually still alive oooo~ [heavy sarcasm]. Why. It wasn’t a good twist! It was a “oh. okay yeah sure” twist. This might be my heat of the moment response but I have no words for how cheap and absolutely horseshit that twist is. Good thing we only have to think about it for 10 pages because HE FUCKING DIES AGAIN. WHAT A WASTE!!

Whatever, whatever, thinking about it makes me so mad because they set it up barely in Issue 5? I’m just tired this actually drained me irl.

At least we have baby Kayn and good dad Zed at the end to cleanse us of that.

HEY actually did you know that they thought that Good Dad Zed was considered contoversial by Marvel’s editors?? HUH????

whatever, whatever. i’m pissed.

BONUS SHIT

So Jhin’s lore has now had an update to connect with the comic. And it’s fucking weird. Now suddenly Kusho didn’t care about catching Jhin after he found out it was just a human person murdering people? And that it was essentially Not Their Job anymore??? excuse me??

CONCLUSION?

This comic started with a good beginning and a lot of potential. It brought up so many new theories and so many new headcanons. But all that potential and all that interesting story got washed away with unconnected plot points, ‘important’ characters that show up once, and a cheap twist ending that simultaneously came out of nowhere and was easily predicted (in the bad way). It was a fun read for a while, but the ending has soured the experience I had reading it.

Some issues may come from time + page constraints, and the limitations of the medium. But those were mostly minor issues. I wanna give the artists and the writers the benefit of the doubt, maybe blame Marvel as I like to do. But...

6 months worth of waiting for an ending like this? I’m just disappointed.

#this is really fucking long im so sorry #if you enjoyed the comic- good for you. im glad you had fun. i really truely am.#i was so excited for this series.. i feel almost cheated #long post #zed comic #zed spoilers #jhin reads league

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