#UGH WHERE WERE THEY IN SEASON 3???? still so upset | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

agentplutonium · 10 months

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I found an old fic of mine that I still really love, so I'm posting it here now i guess. You can read it on AO3 here, if you prefer that format!

General Notes: ~6K, rated T, Cataclysm Fic (cause spooky season is upon us), set between "Tantum Tyrannus" and "Last Wish" and contains spoilers if you've never watched Cataclysm, hurt/comfort Milo/Sweetheart, Sweetheart is referred to as Sneaks in the fic and uses They/Them pronouns, uhhhh I think that's it!! Fic starts below the cut <3

Sneaks wanted to hate Asher for this. They tried to blame him, to make him responsible, so they had somewhere to direct their emotions. Their Milo, their mate, lay in front of them, broken, bloodied, and bruised, and they so desperately wanted to say Asher’s actions were the reason. They wanted to yell and scream at him, make him confess to planting the idea in Milo’s head. Making him realize that even mentioning what he was going to do made Milo believe he had to take Asher’s place. They wanted this to be his fault.

That wasn’t fair, though. Of course it wasn’t.

Sneaks took a deep breath and squeezed Milo’s tighter where it lay by his side. Their fingers unconsciously curled up around his wrist at times, feeling the pulse just below his skin. A physical reminder that their mate's strong heart was still beating. He was still going, and that was the only thing keeping them sane. Keeping them here, in the dingy med room that they set up in the den. Sneaks wanted to take Milo home, but Marie insisted he stayed until he was conscious. Sneaks couldn’t find it in themselves to fight Marie at the moment, not with how fragile their emotional state was.

Sneaks leaned forward in their chair, bringing Milo’s hand up to their lips to kiss gently, then moving to his pulse point to kiss that as well. A silent promise. To love him until his heart stops beating. To be by his side no matter what.

Asher walked into the room then, a clouded look on his face. Sneaks knew something was up. Could tell just by the energy that he brought into the room. They turned to face him more, their hand never letting go of Milo’s, and before they could even ask what he was doing Asher was talking.

“I got what we wanted. Vincent is out of the equation now too.”

“Got the information that we wanted?” Sneaks repeated, seeing if he’d change the way he said that. It was never we in Asher’s plans, no matter what he told himself.

“What I wanted,” Asher corrected. Good. At least he sees they’re upset about this. He might not think that way but it was a start.

“What do you mean Vincent is no longer in the equation?” Sneaks pressed. “What did you do?”

“Ripped his head off,” Asher said, like it was just a normal Tuesday activity.

“You what?!” Sneaks demanded, finally letting Milo’s fingers slip out of their hand as they stood to face Asher. “Why would you do that?!”

“I got what I needed. I don’t need him anymore.”

“So you kill him?!”

“Would you rather he stayed alive?” Asher demanded. “He was the one that sent us on this mission!”

“You can’t just go killing vampires!”

“Why not?” Asher asked, “it’s not like he was doing any good. I did the world a favour.”

Sneaks could have strangled the Alpha. “You already killed Alexis, a vamp that is highly regarded in the department's eyes, and now Vincent?”

“Vincent is freeborn, that’s why we went to him,” Asher defended. “The department doesn’t care about him.”

“You- ugh!” Sneaks dragged their hands down their face, taking a deep breath in. “I get killing Vincent,” they said slowly, eyes staying closed and voice level, “I would want to kill him too. The difference is you are getting dangerously close to the line which confuses instincts and hard to manage emotions. If that line gets blurred too much, you’re going to get yourself in trouble.”

“You saying the department is going to come after me? For this?”

“In all honesty, no, I don’t. Not Vincent, at least,” Sneaks said, finally looking at Asher again. “But endangering your pack, slacking on your duties to the Department, getting Milo hurt, all of these things are going to start ringing the Department's alarm bells and I won’t be able to help you.”

Asher’s face hardened, and he started shutting down right in front of them. “Are you saying I’m doing this just so the pack gets hurt?”

“It’s starting to seem like it,” Sneaks snapped. “If not the pack, yourself, which will cause the pack to lose yet another Alpha. Do you ever think about what your actions would cause? If you had gone instead of Milo?”

“I was going to go because if I died, I had a reliable system set in my place-“

“If you died, we would have had to go through the process of reinstating another new Alpha two years after we lost the last one. In the middle of a war, might I add-“

“Are you saying I shouldn’t have gone after Alexis at all then?!”

Sneaks threw their hands up in exasperation “No! Yes! I don’t know, Asher! Is getting the vampires on our side this high of a priority?”

Asher clenched his jaw for a second, before saying, “She killed David-“

“So this is about David then, and not the better chances of winning?” Sneaks cut in.

“No!”

“Then what is it, Asher?!” Sneaks demanded, now only a foot away from him. He towered over them this close, and the dark look in his eyes should have been their warning to back off. But they didn’t. They couldn’t. “Please, enlighten me with what you think you had going for yourself here.”

“I was doing what was right,” Asher said through his teeth. “I was doing what was going to further our advances.”

“You should have never gone to Vincent. Just like Milo warned you,” Sneaks spat back. “And even if you did go to Vincent, you should have never taken the bait of killing Alexis.”

“Maybe, if you think you can be a better Alpha than me, you should have spoken up before Milo got hurt.”

Sneaks scoffed, offended by what Asher was implying. “Oh, so it’s my fault that Milo got hurt? It’s my fault that you thought that this was going to work? It’s my fault that you feel guilty, just because you rushed into plans that you didn’t think through?”

“I’m not saying that-”

“Then what are you saying, Asher?”

“I’m saying that I am Alpha, that I am in charge, and I make the decisions here, me. Not you, not Milo, not the pack. Me. And it’s in your best interest right now to just back off.”

“Back off and do what, Asher?!” Sneaks exclaimed, “Watch as you destroy yourself for some revenge plot? For your dead mate, who you know would hate you doing this? Sit here, beside my mate, who may not even fucking wake up because he was so loyal to you and your plans and your goddamn death wish?”

“I can’t control what he does!” Asher yelled back. He was angry now, properly angry, and Sneaks knew that they should probably back down. They should, and yet they found themselves pressing a finger into his chest, digging it in.

“No, but as his Alpha, you can stop him. You could have stopped him. He could be here, with me, but you decided to bring him along,” Sneaks spat. “He didn’t even tell me what he was doing! He didn’t try to find me, didn’t call me, or text me, he didn’t even try to say goodbye to me-” Sneaks cut themself off with a choked breath, fighting off the sob that cropped up in their chest.

He didn’t even try to say goodbye to them.

Why wouldn’t he have tried to say goodbye to him? Did he not care? Did he think that they would try and stop him? They would have, but that doesn’t mean he still couldn’t have told them. They could have gone with him, helped him even, he didn’t have to do this alone. Maybe if they had gone with him in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. They could have protected him.

Did he not trust them?

“Sneaks-”

“Don’t,” they said, their voice sounding choked. “I don’t want to hear it. Just… what did you originally come in here for, Asher?”

Asher hesitated now, for some reason. Was he second-guessing himself? Did he want them for something, or did he just feel guilty? Did he come to see them so he could say he wasn’t leaving them alone during this? But, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a slightly crumbled piece of paper. He held it out to them and waited.

Sneaks didn’t want to take it. They didn’t feel like entertaining Asher like that. However, their instincts were telling them differently. Asher spoke again after they took the paper. “It’s coordinates. Vincent gave them to me,” he said.

Sneaks was glancing at them quickly, seeing if they could at least figure out the general location. They’d have to put this into their computer if they were going to figure this out, though. “And this will lead you to the person that invokes the new vamps?”

Asher nodded. “Supposedly. I can run them myself, but I figured you’d have more experience with this. It’d be quicker. That, and I also don’t think you’d ever let me do this myself, so, I’m getting it out of the way now.”

“And if I don’t want to help you?” “That’s up to you,” Asher said evenly, “just know you can’t change my mind on this. It’s happening either way.”

Sneaks felt their lips tug into a frown. They didn’t want Asher to go into this blind, or try and find this location by himself, but they weren’t sure they could aid him in this. If something happened to him, and they were involved, Milo would never forgive them. They’d never be able to forgive themself. On the flip side of that, if they don’t help, and Asher gets hurt, they’ll have to live with the fact that they refused to help him.

“Think about it,” Asher said quietly. “I know you have a lot going on in that mind of yours. Just… find me when you make your decision so that I don’t waste my time.”

Asher left without another word, leaving Sneaks by themself in the room. They looked at the paper again, scoffing before shoving the paper into their pocket. They made their way back to their seat beside Milo, leaning their elbows on their knees as their mind started working.

Rationally, they couldn’t let Asher do this by himself. They loved him, but he was no good with coordinates and the like. He’ll mess something up, or get himself into trouble somehow. He wouldn’t know what to look for, or anything like that. But they didn’t know if they could support him in this. It has already done so much damage, and that wasn’t even what they were looking for. Sneaks sighed, looking at Milo, the cuts he’s acquired that Marie said she was going to come back and try to heal once her energy was back up again. To the arm that Alexis broke, that they couldn’t stop from breaking.

Milo had gone through so much pain, so much torture, that it seemed almost cruel to not aid Asher in finally finishing this off. But could they watch Asher put himself in danger? Would they be able to convince him to take someone with him? There were plenty of pack members who would gladly go. Hell, if they weren’t so worried about Milo they would go with him. If they weren’t afraid of something happening while they were gone, or being called a hypocrite if he woke up while they were gone.

If they said Milo would want to talk to him when he woke up, would Asher stick around long enough to talk sense into him? Would he want to talk to his beta, even if it was to prepare him to become Alpha?

Their hand had taken Milo’s without them noticing, thumb running over his knuckles.

What would Milo say, if he knew they weren’t going to help Asher in this? Would he be upset, or would he understand? Would Milo even hear them out if they decided not to help him? He would probably be so worried, maybe even try and go after him. In his state that was for sure signing his death sentence, and they couldn’t have that. They couldn’t lose Milo. They barely could stand holding him alive earlier, as broken as he was, they wouldn’t be able to survive this.

They couldn’t lose Milo. Or Asher.

Their thoughts were interrupted by Marie returning. She smiled at them gently when she saw that they were still there. “I see you haven’t moved much.” “Can you blame me?” “Well, no, but I was hoping you wouldn’t do this. Milo is home now, hun. You can relax a bit.”

Easier said than done, Sneaks thought to themself.

Marie walked up behind them, putting a hand on their shoulder in an attempt to comfort them. “Why don’t you go and make yourself some food? Or even just go for a walk to stretch your legs. You probably need it after spending all this time in here, worrying about Milo.”

Sneaks didn’t want to leave, but they knew that tone in Marie's voice. If they didn’t, she’d drag them out herself. So, with a sullen nod, Sneaks gave Milo’s hand one last squeeze before standing. Before they could step out of the door, Marie called out to them again.

“Thank you. For staying. And for loving my son as much as I do.” When Sneaks turned around, they were sure that they saw tears in Marie’s eyes. They chose to ignore it, not wanting to call the woman out.

“I would do anything for you guys, you know that,” Sneaks said, giving a small smile of their own. “I’ll see you in a bit, Marie.”

They left the woman alone after that, shutting the door with a soft click.

They would do anything for the pack, having been accepted into their family with no hesitation. The least they could do was attempt to protect their Alpha as much as they could.

They grabbed their bag from the entranceway and made their way to Asher’s office. He was never in here, considering it was David’s when he was Alpha. Asher preferred to be out on the field anyway. Taking out their laptop they got to work. Finding where the coordinates were was the easy part, it was getting any relevant information that they could out of it. They wanted to give Asher as much information as possible so he could be prepared. Where they’ve done this before, they knew where to look and even the resources to find the most accurate information. Would this put a flag on them in the long run? Most likely. But they did it anyway, because like hell were they going to half-ass something like this. Besides, if this worked out the way Asher was hoping they don’t have to worry about that.

It took close to an hour to get things compiled and onto a hard drive, but it got done. The next step was to find Asher.

He shouldn’t be too far, Sneaks thought, it wasn’t like there were many places he can go.

They were right. They ran into Asher in one of the main hallways. He regarded them skeptically as they approached. It was clear he wasn’t sure what they were going to tell him, and they almost took pride in that. They weren’t sure if he should be wary about their answer, or what that says about either of them, but they didn’t think too much about that.

“I’m going to preface this by saying I’m only giving you the information you need,” Sneaks started. “I am not condoning your actions, and I strongly suggest you don’t do this at all. If you do, then at least bring someone with you.”

“I knew you would say that,” Asher said, nodding to them in respect. “You’re not responsible for what I do with this.”

Sneaks nodded as well, hand tightening around the hard drive. With a little hesitation, they thrust out their hand, holding it out. “Everything you need.”

“Thank you,” Asher said. He wouldn’t look them in the eye.

As he took the hard drive from their hand, Sneaks grabbed his wrist before he could pull it away. “I just have one request,” they said quietly, eyes not leaving his face.

Asher met their gaze for a few seconds before it flitted away again. “What is it?”

“Talk to Milo.”

“What? He wouldn’t-”

“Don’t say that,” Sneaks cut him off, shaking their head. “He would want to see you. He would want to talk to you.” “I put him-”

“Stop,” Sneaks said, squeezing Asher’s wrist tighter. “Please. If you’re going to do anything rash you can’t just leave him like that. Don’t let your last interaction be him punching you unconscious.”

Asher gave a small nod, but that wasn’t good enough.

“Asher. Look at me and promise me you’ll go talk to him when he wakes up,” Sneaks said, voice desperate. Asher took a few moments longer than Sneaks liked, so they continued. “He’s your best friend. Your Beta. He deserves to know what you’re getting up to, even if he can’t change your mind. Please.”

“He’s only going to want to come with me,” Asher said quietly. “It’s only going to be more damage.”

“He won’t try this time. Make sure that he doesn’t,” Sneaks reasoned. “He looks to you for answers. Be his Alpha.”

Asher looked up at them finally, face serious but Sneaks could tell the difference this time. He was hearing them finally, actually taking in their words. “What if he wants to come with me?” “Don’t let him. Like you said earlier, you are Alpha. As much as Milo wants to be there for you, he’s gonna know he can’t go with you. He’ll try and convince you not to go, he’s gonna at least insist you bring someone else. Knowing you, you don’t want to do either, do you?”

Asher shook his head, eyes flitting away for a second. Sneaks’ heart sank, but they pressed on.

“Then don’t let him. Just…” They trailed off, feeling their eyes start to sting. “Don’t disappear on him,” They said finally, voice barely above a whisper, “please.”

Asher nodded once. “I won’t. I promise.”

Sneaks nodded, finally dropping Asher’s wrist. “Good. Then, I guess that’s it.”

“I guess so.”

Sneaks didn’t know what to do with their hands, fidgeting nervously with their fingers. They wanted to say more, anything more, but nothing was coming to mind. Asher seemed to understand though, giving them a small smile. He was the one to walk away first, leaving them alone in the hall.

They sighed after a few moments, turning themselves and heading back to Milo.

Before they reached the door, Marie was coming out of the room in a hurry. She caught sight of them immediately and rushed over.

“Marie? What’s wrong, what happened?” Sneaks asked, taking Marie’s outstretched hands when she was close enough. Sneaks took in her expression, her eyes shining and a smile on her face. The crinkle between her eyebrows was gone, signalling she wasn’t worried about anything at the moment. The more Sneaks took in, the more they relaxed.

“He’s awake.”

Those two words sent their world crumbling down. Their breath caught in their throat as they tried to repeat the words, nearly choking them. They tried to get something out, stumbling over several sentences and jumbling them together. “Can I- does he even-”

“He hasn’t stopped asking for you,” Marie said gently, “I told him that I’d come to find you after I made sure he was okay. He’s waiting.”

Sneaks nodded, slipping past her and heading down the hall. They didn’t hear her footsteps behind them, but they didn’t care at the moment. All they could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other, just to see him. They have to see him. To prove to themselves they weren’t dreaming.

They stood in front of the door for a few moments, hand held above the handle. Should they knock? Would Milo expect them to? Does he want them to knock, to give him a few moments to compose whatever he didn’t want Sneaks to see?

Taking a deep breath, their other hand came up to give a quiet knock, and they waited. There was no response, at least none they could hear, but they couldn’t hold themself back from opening the door anyway. They stepped inside, shutting the door behind them and stood there, watching. Milo was still laying down, and he was still. Marie wouldn’t lie to them. Did he fall back asleep?

“Milo?” They whispered, daring to take a few steps forward. If he did fall back asleep, they didn’t want to bother him. He needed the rest.

Milo stirred, taking a deep breath and prying his eyes open. It took him a moment to find them, but when he did a slow and lazy smile crept onto his face. “Hey Sweetheart,” he said, voice crackling a bit with misuse.

“Jesus Christ,” Sneaks breathed out, finally allowing their feet to move. They were by his side in an instant, perching on the side of the bed. Milo had a hand on their cheek almost as fast, holding them in place, eyes locking with theirs before they were surveying everything, making sure nothing was missed.

“How are you feeling?” Sneaks asked, rushed, “You’re not too sore, are you? The healing helped a little? Marie didn’t make you feel worse with the magic? I told her I wasn’t sure how your body would react to external magic when you overclocked your core, but she insisted that if you had any chance of surviving-”

They were cut off by Milo’s lips pressing against their own, having been pulled down to meet him there. Sneaks let themself be absorbed into it for a moment before pulling back. “Don’t do that while I’m trying to make sure you’re okay, jerk,” they scolded playfully. They could feel the goofy smile on their face, but didn’t do anything to try and hide it.

“Am I not allowed to kiss my mate?” Milo asked quietly, smiling up at them.

“Not when you almost died, you idiot,” Sneaks said.

Milo’s hand slipped from their cheek, sliding down their arm until their hands were intertwined. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I guess I’ll have to keep that in mind when making my decision next time, if I knew that the consequences were no kisses.” “Next time,” Sneaks squeaked, “There is no next time, Milo. Don’t even think about it.”

Milo chuckled, lips finding the pulse point on their wrist. It wasn’t an answer, but Sneaks found themself relaxing anyway.

“I mean it, Milo,” They threatened, eyes narrowing, getting another chuckle out of their mate. “I know you do,” Milo said quietly.

Sneaks shook their head, muttering that only he would joke about a next time after being tortured and over-clocked like that. After they regained some of their composure, though, they took a deep breath and asked him again, “Are you sure you’re okay? Nothing feels too off?”

“I’m physically tired, but most of the healing is done,” Milo confirmed. Sneaks let out a small sigh, eyes falling shut. They couldn’t help but feel a wave of relief wash over them, even if they knew he wasn’t exactly out of the water yet. The damage his core must have taken during that whole thing… they didn’t even want to imagine it. However, they weren’t going to bring that up. Milo was finally awake they weren’t going to ruin this moment.

“Hey, Sweetheart,” Milo said after a moment and Sneaks opened their eyes so they could look at him. “How… how long was I out for? Ma wouldn’t tell me.” Sneaks took a deep breath, eyes falling to their still-entwined hands. “Well, that depends. Do you want the time you were naturally out or the time including the moments where we had to knock you back out?”

“You had to sedate me?”

“Partially,” Sneaks said. “When you resurfaced to consciousness when we were doing the preliminary healing, you were still in a lot of pain. I don’t think you were even fully conscious, just enough to feel it and… and vocalize that fact,” Sneaks paused, taking a moment to swallow.

They don’t like thinking about this. Hearing Milo in pain like that, and being responsible, all because they wanted to help…

But, they pressed on. “Marie and I couldn’t work with the noise so we opted to put you out until we were almost done. However, when we lifted that magic, you… you didn’t wake up. You didn’t so much as stir. Your heart was beating, you were breathing, and you reacted to stimuli, you just… weren’t waking up. During all of that, you were out for over eighteen hours.”

Sneaks wasn’t looking at Milo, but by the way that his hand tightened around theirs, they could guess what kind of expression he had on his face right now. His eyebrows pulled together, mouth slightly open, eyes watching them like a hawk.

“Sweetheart, I-“

“If you’re about to apologize, stop,” Sneaks said. “It’s not your fault.”

“I made you guys worry.”

“We worry about you anyway,” Sneaks said. “Yeah, this was a bit more serious but look at what kind of world we live in, Milo. We’re bound to worry.”

“I still feel like I should apologize.”

Sneaks shook their head, looking at Milo now so he knows how serious they are. “Don’t. You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

Milo gave them a small smile, falling back from the argument seeing he wasn't going to get anywhere. “Hey, will you help me sit up? I don’t like being like this.”

“Yeah, of course,” Sneaks said, standing so they can help manoeuvre their mate. They could understand not liking laying down after something like this. With how restless Milo was, they could guess he didn’t want to be in bed at all but didn’t dare try anything.

Once Milo was settled, Sneaks sat back down beside him, taking his hands in theirs. “How are you, my love.”

Milo smiled at them, shaking his head. “How many times are you going to ask me that, huh?”

Sneaks shrugged. “As many times as it takes. You went through a lot of things recently.”

“Just a fight,” Milo said, brushing off their concern.

“‘Just a fight’,” Sneaks mocked, “Milo, she crushed most of the bones in your arm. You were barely conscious when Asher and I showed up.”

“I was fine. I could have taken her.”

Sneaks levelled him with the look. Milo is familiar with this look, the look that would probably make any other person back down. The ‘I am this close to knocking some sense into you’ look.

In Milo’s defence, he did end up backing down. In his own special way. “Okay, I was almost in a bind. But Asher is still here, so technically my plan worked.”

“Speaking of your plan,” Sneaks said slowly, remembering how Milo got into this mess in the first place. “Do you mind walking me through the reasoning you had behind that decision? Specifically, the part where you didn’t tell me.”

Milo groaned, looking away. “I was hoping you wouldn’t bring that up.” “How in the right mind would you think I wouldn’t bring this up Milo Anthony Greer,” Sneaks said. “You left without even saying anything to me! You didn’t even bother to say goodbye. I was worried sick when you wouldn’t answer me.” “Sweetheart-”

“I’m not done,” Sneaks cut him off. Milo nodded, accepting his fate of being berated. Sneaks realized that his mother probably already put him through this, but this was different. They get a turn to scold him as well. “In the span of, according to Asher, a few hours, you have decided to go against your Alpha’s orders, actively plan against your Alpha, knock him out,” they started counting the reasons on their fingers, trying to make a point, “and then over-clock your core. You, what, didn’t think to text me? Send me a little message letting me know you were planning on destroying your core? And then going after a homicidal vampire? That hunts shifters, for fun?”

“It was for the better of the pack-” Sneaks held up a finger, shushing Milo. “Did I say you could interrupt me?” Milo fell silent again, giving a little huff. “Good. Now stay quiet. What the hell were you thinking, huh? That this was just going to be some trip to the store? That you’d be there and back in time for dinner? Milo, you made me think that you were dead. Dead! I was terrified that you had gone and somehow gotten yourself killed, and I wasn’t there to help protect you. What happened to our promise, huh? I can’t live without, Mi, I’ve told you this.”

By the end, their voice started taking a desperate tone, trying to make Milo see just how scared they were. He had to understand. Milo did look a little guilty as they continued to talk. Good. He should. They would have let this whole thing slide if he even came to find them to say goodbye. But he didn’t, making them spiral, and now he has to understand what he has done.

“I looked everywhere and asked everyone if they’d seen you. The only answer I got was that you and Asher were up to something again but nobody has seen you in a few hours. And when I found Asher passed out on the ground, you can only imagine the horrible scenarios that went through my head. I thought of a fight, kidnapping, torturing and maiming, and the worst part? I wasn’t even wrong! Asher almost didn’t let me come with him, which, fuck him for that honestly. And when we did find you again? I had a hard time holding myself back. Seeing you like that, and because of her and I couldn’t do anything. I had to stand there and watch her break your arm. I had to stand there and watch as her teeth sunk into your neck, Mi I-”

They broke off, taking a few deep breaths. They found themselves blinking rapidly, turning their head away from Milo. Everything that they’d experienced the last twenty-four hours started to rush back, overwhelming their senses. They’ve spent so long trying to keep composed that it was starting to crack and show through. After a few moments of silence, Sneaks took Milo’s hands again, thumb running across his knuckles, miraculously unscarred with the amount of trouble he gets into, and took one more deep breath. Feeling okay enough to push on, they whispered the one thing that had been on a loop in their head.

“I thought that you didn’t trust me anymore.”

That got Milo’s attention. He was sitting up a bit straighter, hands tightening around theirs, pulling their attention up to him. His eyes were earnest, also shiny with unshed tears. “Sweetheart, no. No, I would never not trust you. On anything. Ever. I didn’t tell you because I had limited time with the core thing. I had no time to think.”

“You couldn’t tell me before you did it?” Sneaks asked. They could barely talk above a whisper. “Couldn’t you at least try to talk this through? Got a second opinion?”

“I…” Milo trailed off, exhaling through his nose sharply. Sneaks could tell he didn’t want to meet their eyes, but he was anyways. He was making sure that his words got across to them. “I have no excuse for getting a second opinion. I really don’t. But, I also can’t say I regret what I did in any way. If Ash went instead of me, this could have ended badly.”

Sneaks opened their mouth to protest that, but Milo cut them off.

“And that’s not saying this did not go bad. I just know that if he went, we wouldn’t have an Alpha anymore. And, Sweetheart, if I’m being honest, I can’t be Alpha. I just can’t. The responsibility of that, and seeing what Asher went through when he took over for David I just… I can’t.”

“So you go on a death mission?”

Milo sighed, folding finally. “I would have rathered it be me than Asher, yes.”

“You would have left me?” Milo took his hands out of Sneaks’, reaching up to cup their face and hold them there. Hands warm against their face, Sneaks was reminded once more that Milo was still with them. His grip was firm but soft. Making sure they heard him without ever hurting them. “Not on purpose. You were one of the only things on the side saying I shouldn’t do it. But, the pack needs Asher. They need their Alpha.”

Sneaks felt the tears return, but they couldn’t do anything about it. Their voice shook on the next sentence as they said, “But I need you.”

“Sweetheart…” Milo trailed off, leaning forward to rest his forehead against theirs. “I need you too.”

“I thought that you died,” Sneaks repeated, tears finally rolling down their cheek. “In the beginning, and after that fight. I held my breath when I was checking your vitals. It would have destroyed me if you ended up dead, and I was too late.”

Milo pressed a soft kiss to their forehead. “I’m sorry. What I did was stupid and irresponsible. It made you worry, and I put you in a position I never want to put you in again.”

“Promise me you’ll run those stupid impulsive thoughts by me, at least,” Sneaks implored, “please.”

“I promise,” Milo whispered, pressing another kiss to their cheek. “I promise you, Sweetheart.” Sneaks sniffed, rubbing at what they could of the tears staining their cheeks. “Pinky promise?” They mumbled, feeling like a kid. This was something they and Milo do often, so it was weird that they were feeling self-conscious about it now.

Milo smiled at them, though, melting that feeling in a second. He held out his pinky to them and stared at them expectantly. Sneaks gave a small grin as well, interlocking their pinkies.

They had a system. They would intertwine their pinkies. Then, they would lock it by pressing their thumbs together. And finally, and this last step was a newer thing they added a little into their relationship, they would lean foreward and bless it with a kiss.

Asher and David had always made fun of them for it, but Sneaks found it comforting. It was their little thing.

When Milo pulled back, he moved their hands so that he could bring the pulse point on their wrist to his lips once more. A second, quieter promise. A promise that they made at the beginning. Sneaks copied the motion, returning the gesture.

“I love you,” Milo whispered, “forever and always.”

“I love you too.”

Sneaks knew that, eventually, one of their ‘I love you’s would be a ‘goodbye’. They likely wouldn’t even realize it. But, for now, and at this moment, they didn’t have to worry about that. They had Milo, alive and relatively okay in front of them, talking to them, promising he’d stay as long as he could.

For, now, they could ask for nothing more.

#guys i love this fic sm #and its spokky season!! kinda!! which means its relevant!!#plus its milo/sh and like #you know i cant get enough of them #oh Asher and Marie make guest appearance though #anyway enjoy if you decide to read <3 #redacted audio #redacted audio milo #redacted audio sweetheart #redacted milo #redacted sweetheart #plutonium_fanfiction #so that's fun #redacted cataclysm #redacted imp!milo #redacted imp!sweetheart #redacted imp!asher #redacted imperium

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saltynsassy31 · 2 years

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My sister saw a video playing "rapunzel knows best" while someone did a gothel make up and it turned into us listening and singing to different Disney villain songs to just listening to tangled songs and now I have a rant to do about the tangled series

None of this will probably make sense but it's my page

So here we go ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Gonna put on keep reading cuz it's long lol

THEY HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL AND THEY DIDNT DO SHIT WITH IT

And not only that they did my Rapunzel injustice! >:(

I've recently been coming across a lot of, well deserved, criticism of the show but for a long while I have been ignoring them I when I do read them I realise I start getting defensive, especially for certain characters (well, I'll be honest, I'm talking about rapunzel) and I had to sit down and stop for a moment when I caught myself doing that

They were valid criticism, sure, but because she was my comfort character (way before I ever watched the series) I started to get defensive, and then the series happened and I tried to ignore it's flaws and issues and pretended everything was a-okay but I could only do that for so long

It's another reason I avoided, and still do kinda avoid the fandom actually, amongst other reasons 😅

But it wasn't okay, and things that bothered me before are starting to rise again

First off, I was so absolutely upset and disappointed they never tackled further into Rapunzel's trauma with gothel, like, maybe a few episodes in the start of the season but never again until like, season 3 or sm and that was only to bright light to cassandra's issues and as I listen to the lyrics of "mother knows best" I am even more MAD that they didn't explore it

And I know, it's Disney, it's rare, especially then, for them to tackle on these topics properly but still, I have a right to be mad!

Especially since it was stuff that I went through! Years and years of being told the same things! By more than just my parents! Where are her body issues? Slight hesitations? Fears? They just brushed it off!

And they did her sooooo dirty too

Something I absolutely tried to ignore was how she treated varian in season one, both are my comfort characters and that single detail always lingered in my head

Why didn't rapunzel go after varian after the storm? I mean, she went above and beyond for Attila, why didn't she do the same for Varian? Thay was soooo out of character! And I was so mad that they wrote her like that and then ignored it like it never happened!

If they wanted Varian to be the villain they could have done something else? I didn't note down anything I had in mind but come on! You shouldn't have to change a character up just for the sake of plot!

Rapunzel cares for her friends, she'd do anything for them! It's proven time and time again but it's a double standard for Varian? I am soooo mad just UGH

Maybe put an obstacle that doesn't allow them to reach Varian in time, Niger has been proven to try and keep rapunzel from doing what she thinks is right (with the dragon stuff, though he changed in the end he still sent troops after them) maybe make Nigel convince rapunzel everything was fine? Every time she'd try to check on him she'd be stopped, so she'd send her friends but then again, obstacles keeping them

And when they do reach Varian it could be too late cuz he thought he was truly alone and acts against them

But then there is the part he comes to them personally in the alchemist returns, right? Maybe it could have been a miscommunication and stuff and when the fight ends is because they are able to clear up the miscommunication and, ya know, actually help him? Instead of throwing him to prison?

Ans it would have been nice to have him join season 2 since he's a fan favourite but if they really didn't want to add him, maybe he was left behind so that he could be left to his studies with additional help

But then there is the second villain arc, if they really wanted to add thay they still could of! They could have had that he was manipulated by the seporians and stuff

Or make it so, like many do, that the king didn't keep his promise to help varian and when he did one mistake the king thought that that was enough and locked him up

If rapunzel was there she wouldn't let that happen, but she isn't

I just

Idk

I'm just coming up with random ideas which probably has a lot of issues, I know, I'm tired and kinda doing multiple things rn so I don't have a clear mind but my point still stands

I don't want to defend whay rapinzel did, I want to defend rapunzel and how they butchered my girl

Idk it's so frustrating

And also cassandra just...why...he villain arc was so frustrating and not fun to watch, annoying really, and she went unpunished too? God danm it!

Ugh

My point is, I love this show, but it had a lot of lost potential

This rant probably doesn't make sense lol sorry

#i know this rant probably doesnt make sense #but its a rant #im just letting my incoherent thoughts and frustrations out #so gkdkksaka #no im not looking for criticism #but if you have your own thoughts about it you can leave them lol #idk just dont be mean please ;w;#if you disagree feel free to say it #i cant stop you obviously #but please be nice? kfskskakak idk #salty rants #tangled #rapunzels tangled adventure #tangled the series #tangled rapunzel #tangled series #tangled varian #tangled the series varian

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roach-witch · 2 years

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Blanche Devereaux has an incredible emotional vocabulary, and a deep understanding of empathy and the complexities of conflicting emotions. In one short conversation with Dorothy she forgives her for treating her badly (without offering space for her to justify it or make an excuse for being intentionally hurtful). She helps her both grasp her emotions, and helps her find the words to vocalize them. She shows empathy for what Dorothy is feeling while reminding her that it’s not bad or shameful to have complex emotions and it’s okay to not fully understand them. She reminds her that she isn’t alone and that when it comes down to it, in friendship you don’t always need to understand exactly what you’re feeling, or be able to find the right words to explain them for a friend to be empathetic or understanding, offer insight or advice if you need it, or even just be there to offer support and comfort. Then in the same conversation manages to cheer Dorothy up and get their friendship back to Normal. Blanche is one of the most emotionally understanding and genuinely wise characters ever written and in this essay I will--

(For those who are wondering this is from season 2 episode 3 entitled “Take Him, He’s Mine” and can be found exactly 22 mins into the episode (you should watch it bc it’s so good but I will also transcribe the scene and provide some context under the cut. sorry its so long I just restarted taking my adderall after a month long tolerance break so I cant stop talking.)

(For those who haven’t seen it the context of the conversation is that Dorothy’s ex husband Stan showed up out of the blue one night upset about losing his business and didn’t want to be alone but Dorothy was supposed to be going on a date and didn’t want to cancel so she pushed Blanche to take him out for dinner to occupy him. Blanche reluctantly agreed and they ended up having a good time. Stan and Blanche begin to become friends. Dorothy is hurt by her ex-husband and Blanche’s budding friendship and refuses to believe that they aren’t having sex despite Blanche assuring her it’s exclusively platonic. Feeling betrayed by her friend Dorothy gave Blanche the silent treatment rather than address how Stan and Blanche’s friendship was hurting her. This lead to a Dorothy and Blanche having an argument where Dorothy said some horrible things to Blanche, accused her of sleeping with Stan and refused to believe Blanche when she denied their relationship being anything other than platonic. The episode culminates in Dorothy going to Stan’s Hotel room where she finds him and someone hidden under the covers in bed. She assumes it’s Blanche and gives speech telling Blanche how hurtful it was of her to sleep with Stan only to discover that the woman under the blankets is not Blanche at all but some other random woman. Dorothy immediately goes home to find Blanche and apologize to her.)

Transcript:

Dorothy: Blanche, I want to apologize.

Blanche: Ok.

Dorothy: I apologize.

Blanche: That’s it?

Dorothy: I can’t think of anything else to say I behaved terribly.

Blanche: I know.

Dorothy: No, you don’t. Ugh. I went to Stan’s hotel room tonight because I thought you were there.

Blanche: Well, I wasn’t!

Dorothy: I know.

Blanche: I told him that although there was nothing between us I couldn’t see him anymore.

Dorothy: I’ve been such a creep.

Blanche: I know.

Dorothy: I wish I could explain it, but I can’t. I think some of it may be that I… didn’t want to share my memories. I mean that part of my life with Stan is over, but I still wanted it to be just mine, you know? And I was afraid that you might take that part away, and I was feeling jealous and lonely, and God knows what else.

Blanche: Magenta.

Dorothy: Excuse me?

Blanche: Magenta. That’s what I call it when I get that way, all kinds of feelings tumbling all over themselves. Well, you know. You’re not quite blue because you’re not really sad, and although you’re a little bit jealous, you wouldn’t say you’re green with envy. And every now and then you realize you’re kinda scared, but you’d hardly call yourself yellow. I hate that feeling, I just hate it. And I hate the color magenta. That’s why I named it that, magenta. No way to really explain it, but fortunately between two friends you don’t have to.

(They hug)

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy. Dorothy. Listen now that we’re talking to each other can I ask you a question? … Why in hell did you ever marry Stan?

Dorothy: It was my magenta period. And you know, Stan was rather handsome when he had hair.

Blanche: (in disbelief) Come on.

Dorothy: Yeah, he had a certain elegant charm.

Blanche: (Disbelief increasing) Oh, Please.

Dorothy: And, of course I was 4 months’ pregnant.

(They both laugh and hug again.)

#golden girls #blanche devereaux #rue mcclanahan #dorothy zbornak #bea arthur #betty white #rose nylund #sophia petrillo #Estelle getty #Adderant #thats an adderall rant #we love adhd lmao

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sxlver-sweet · 3 years

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ARBAAA FLUFF SHIT?? U INTO THAT IK (YOUR CHOICE WHO) JUST WHEREIN THEY GET PLAIN BENTO AFTER ANG ARGUMENT?? BUT TURNS OUT, THERE IS A MEAT UNDERNEATH?? LIKE SINCE YK THERE GF LIKE TO MAKE BENTO FOR HIM??

— TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME <3

ROSTER . . . ken ryuguji

SYNOPSIS . . . you guys are still mad at each other, but maybe not that mad

CONTAINS . . . swearing

NOTE . . . ugh how’d you knowww😩 also tHIS ASK IS SO AGGRESSIVE LMAO THIS ENERGY

draken feels betrayed.

the argument that had threatened to rattle your relationship had sparked over something menial, like him not washing the dishes after he’d agreed to. there was no reason for it to have escalated into a volatile screaming match where you both took cheap shots at each other like children who refused to be proven incorrect, regardless of how stupid or nonsensical their comebacks were. in hindsight, the entire situation was ridiculous. there was no reason for the two of you to be actively avoiding each other at school, you even going as far as to leave the bento you routinely prepare for him unattended on his desk instead of delivering it directly to him. he’d decided that this had gone too far, and he thought that you felt that way as well. after all, you had a level head on your shoulders. why wouldn’t you realize that staying mad at each other for such a reason is foolish?

so, that being said, why the hell is he staring down at a bento composed of nothing but pure white rice?

draken huffs irritably and hands it over alongside his unused chopsticks. “i don’t care. it’s nothing but rice.”

“fine by me!” mikey smiles cheerily, snapping the chopsticks apart and stabbing them into the rice. “regardless, (reader)’s still a good--oh?”

“what?” draken pauses his seething long enough to glance over at the bento, only for his eyebrows to quirk upward at the sight. the crater mikey dug with his chopsticks has unearthed a layer of sauced and seasoned meatballs nestled beneath the rice, denouncing draken’s earlier assumptions. armed with this new revelation, draken feels his mood begin to improve once more, a grin of relief gracing his lips. maybe you were still a bit upset, but not that upset--at least, not enough to let him starve. a twinge of guilt tweaks at his chest as he recalls doubting you. you were always sweet to him and empathetic toward everyone around you. you wouldn’t do something so malicious.

but when draken sees mikey’s chopsticks descend toward the meatballs, his smile freezes. his hand shoots out, blocking the blonde’s wrist. “wait. i want it back.”

“what? no. screw off,” mikey nudges his hand away with a shit-eating grin, making another stab for the meatballs. “it’s mine now.”

“you already ate!” draken argues, grabbing ahold of the container. “besides, she made it for me!” he yanks the bento toward him, but mikey’s grip doesn’t falter.

“huh?” mikey’s eyes narrow. “but, you gave it to me!” he pulls the boxed lunch back in his direction, obviously willing to engage in a full-on tug-of-war for some damn rice and meatballs. well, the contents didn’t matter as much. akin to draken, mikey also enjoys your cooking. in fact, it’s a regular occurrence for draken to have to fight for the right to eat the lunch you made for him and only him.

“give it back! i’m hungry, you shrimp.” draken snaps.

“sucks to suck.”

this is going to be a bit harder than draken initially anticipated.

“see you later!” you bid your friend farewell with a wave before you two part ways, her heading to her after-school club while you make a beeline for your locker, eager to exchange what you need and go the hell home. your shoulder aches beneath the weight of your textbooks, but it’s nothing new. recently, the school has been tightening down on assignments, raising their academic expectations of the student body, and overall just becoming a serious pain in the ass. you twirl your combination into your locker and swing the door open, only to stop in your tracks.

towering front and center in your locker--almost mockingly, you might add--is the single drink you detest the most. irritation roils within your stomach, your grip tightening on the strap of your schoolbag. the only person who knows the combination to your locker is draken, so obviously, he must still be pissed about the stupid argument you guys had last night. now that you think about it, this might be the most passive-aggressive thing he’s done in the years you two have known each other. it’s not even that awful, which just goes to show that behaving in such a manner is just not draken’s thing. he’s always faced confrontation head on.

so, what the fuck?

sighing, you shove the drink to the side, only to still when your attention snags on the glistening perspiration of a second bottle. it had been perfectly concealed behind the first, and when your eyes skim confusedly over the label, you notice with glee that it’s your favorite drink. slapped to the lid is a single sticky note, which you enthusiastically peel off to determine if draken left a note behind. you laugh quietly when you find nothing but a simple smiley face grinning back at you.

i guess you got me back, huh? you think to yourself with a small, secretive smile.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x y/n #tokyo revengers anime #tokyo revengers manga #tokyo revengers draken #tokyo revengers drabbles #tokrev #tokrev x reader #draken headcanons #draken x reader #draken x y/n #draken x you #tokyo revengers scenarios #cw: swearing

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miutonium · 2 years

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//cracks finger

God I really spend my time writing my thoughts on Utonium huh??? Its all over the place tbh because I slept for 4 hours today but shhh listen I need everyone to see how feral I am for this man oh my god-

I initially just want to talk about how he looks in each iteration that I know and watched (and for that reason i skipped the dance pantsed one) but i went overboard and talks a bit about his personality too smh

Its undercut because oof its long

Season 1-4 Prof

- He's more mature in the early seasons than later. Imo he acts more fatherly in here too. He gives good pep talks and I think he is more thoughtful and loving towards his kids as oppose to other seasons. If I ever mention I'm rewatching the show, just know that its always the season 1-4 range because a lot of my fav episodes of him are from that.

- Also do you know how much I love his squinty eyes? When his eyes shapes like a D? He looks so cute like that oh my god 😭😭😭💕

- Especially when his eyes squints into a crescent when he smiles? Ugh so precious I want to give him a kiss on the cheek and nose 🥺🥺🥺

- If you ever notice, I mostly draw him with squinty eyes for this reason. Idk I just find him to look adorable and he looks very lovable here.

I rate him 10/10. Everything about him is so perfect. This is totally the man I fell for ;w;

Season 5-6 Prof

- Noticeably dumber. His kids babysits him a lot in this one. He still loves his kids though and a few times I see him asserting his fatherhood here but he doesn't do his pep talk as often and if he does it's not as good as in the earlier seasons.

- Even though he's pretty childish and quirky in this one, I honestly still find him very lovable because I like to think that he's just starting to get the hang of being a dad and loosen up a bit. He's not entirely perfect but he is still the dumb dork I love.

- aww he lost weight :( gives me an impression that he doesnt eat enough or he's too busy to take care of himself :( I am going to fix this man (a snack)

- I personally calls this design pillbox prof because his face is longer and skinnier than early seasons

- Also lowkey a bit upset that they drop his squinty eyes. His eyes is fully circle now. The only time his eyes is squinty when he's mad or upset.

- Also in this one when he smiles, his eyes were half lidded but it's still fully circle

- However shhhh this Prof takes the cake for the majority source of my brainrot. I can't and will not shut tf up about Prof with his sleeve rolled up, Prof with his 5 o'clock shadow on and Prof with his dumb "No Pain No Pain" tshirt.

- He also looks taller here. Maybe its because of how skinny he is but also his proportion is more uniform here as oppose to early seasons where sometimes he looks quite short because the proportion is off.

I rate him 7/10. Half of it because he has his sleeves rolled up.

Reboot Prof

- Aww fuck where the fuck do I begin?

- Who is this man? I do not know him, I am not engaged to this idiot. He died in a freak lab accident ?? years ago. This man is an impostor, lock him up

- You know how I mentioned that later season Prof in the OG series is dumb but still a loveable dork? Reboot Prof should go to jail. I hate how fucking dumb he is holy fuck and he doesnt even look attractive being dumb. Stop it. Get help.

- I only watch 3 episodes of the reboot and a handful of clips and I already know how dumb this man is. Where is his phD?? Did he use his cert to roll up burritos??? Dumbass

- I truly believe the writer really thinks his dumb. He is not dumb, he is quirky. You can't tell me he doesnt know what the fuck soccer is and doesn't know how to pronounce soccer AND wave? Wa vey?????Fakoffffff 😭😭😭😭

- I also don't like how he babied his kids so fuckin much to the point they all took advantage of him? The dynamics in the OG show was that he created his girls because he wanted to become a father and he taught his kids whats good and bad and be firm, stern yet loving to them? I feel that reboot Prof fears them. He doesnt want them to grow up resenting him and realize they actually have power against him and it just rubbed me the wrong way.

- Okay shh this is controversial, I actually don't mind him being curvy at all. Sure the overall style of reboot is so unappealing to me but he would look out of place if he has edges if i were to be honest. As much as I love OG design Prof, he would stick out like a sore thumb have they make him sharp and edgy.

- They make him have squinty eyes again RUHROHH?????? Byeee im just gonna ignore how fuckin dumb he is and like tell him to stfu while I just stare at him and kiss him the whole day

- Also I actually love his streaks of gray hair? He actually ages and I go feral for it holy fuc-

- I hate to admit this but when I sleep at night, I stare at reboot Prof. This is so scandalous. I will not disclose which picture it is. Good night

God this is so hard to rate uhhh his personality is 0, but his looks is a 6 to me. Im down bad.

Okay now that I rate him, I need people to tell me how they feel about how I draw Prof. I can't rate mine because now that just makes me looks very self-centered lol im going back to sleep now byeee

#lmao me admitting that i state at reboot prof to sleep is like me dissing my mortal enemy not knowing that when I go home I sleep with him #look I have my personal reason for that and i will not disclose why #damn the alt title should be how many pics of prof i have on my phone #are you guys not worried of me calling him Prof instead of Utonium? its like im upset at him and I refuse to call him by his name #tl;dr: I love all iteration of Utonium equally except the reboot i will drown him in his sleep #but not before we makeout in his office and he brought me to his bed or something i am not going to date a dumbass #the only dumbass in the relationship should be me and I dont even have a diploma #asuka speaks #ppg headcanons #ppg professor #professor utonium #ppg #powerpuff girls

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imagining-in-the-margins · 3 years

Text

Here to Misbehave (Pt. 23 | S.R.)

Summary: Spencer’s birthday plans get interrupted by a case. Frustrated by Reader’s busy schedule, Spencer finds a unique way to spend time with her. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Mild exhibitionism, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, Dom/sub, light choking, degradation/praise, sub space Word Count: 7.3k

MASTERLIST

—————————————————

Waiting for Spencer Reid was an interesting position to be in. It was also, unfortunately, very, very common. You would think the IQ points would translate to efficiency, but you’d be very wrong. The only thing that boy does fast is read, and even that didn’t follow through to text messages, considering he’d read none of the six I’d sent him in the past hour.

So, naturally, as one does in an emergency, I called him. Unsurprisingly, the phone barely rang a second time before he picked up. Talking was, as we were both aware, his forte. Without even waiting for my greeting, his groggy voice came through the receiver with a song-like sound.

“Hello, little girl.”

But it wasn’t his turn to sing, and he knew damn well why I was calling. I could hear the smirk on his face so well that I could also envision exactly what he looked like in that moment, with his fluffy hair sticking up from constantly running his hands through it and his eyes only half-open as he tried to finish reading whatever horrible thing that he had in front of him.

It wasn’t how anyone should be spending their birthday. Especially not him. There wasn’t really anything I could do about it, though that didn’t make it any easier to hear the exhaustion and sadness behind that scratchy voice.

“What’re you doing up late? It’s past your bedtime, you know,” he chastised before I even had a chance to speak. He wasn’t wrong — It was 3AM where I was. But where he was, it’d just hit midnight.

“I just wanted to wish a happy birthday to my favorite old man,” I purred back once I’d managed to calm my fast-beating heart. I wondered if I’d ever get used to the brief rush of adrenaline and relief when I heard his voice for the first time after some time away.

I hoped not.

Spencer didn’t seem impressed by my reasoning, though. “You’re sweet. Go to sleep.”

“You’re up, too,” I whined, still picturing the way he would undoubtedly pull the phone further away to lessen the noise. I almost asked if he was also picturing me but stopped when I realized that whatever he had in mind was probably a lot more exciting than reality. Then again, he often told me that moments like this were his favorite. When we’re both too tired to keep our eyes open but too happy to be with each other to let them close all the way.

“Barely,” he corrected.

“Besides, I had to stay up. It’s your birthday.”

I’d meant to lift his spirits, but the long pause after I finished made it evident that my efforts were for naught. He almost seemed even more upset than when he’d answered, and I tried to convince myself that it had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t that hard, considering he was probably staring at images or words of dead people.

“Yeah, sure feels like it.”

His tone alone ensured me it was worse than my imagination.

“Put your work down and pay attention to me instead,” I suggested as softly as I could with the neediness bleeding through, “That’s the first part of your present.”

“You’re my present?” he asked through a gruff laugh that made my heart skip a beat, “I like that present.”

He was trying. I could feel it in his voice, and I wished more than anything that I could teleport to where he was and hold him until it was too difficult for his mouth to form a frown.

“You already have me. That’d be like regifting,” I pointed out with only a pinch of self-deprecation. It was still too much for Spencer, though, who swiftly shot back the ever cheesy, “Every day with you is a gift.”

“Gross, don’t get all sentimental with me,” I ordered playfully.

He returned the energy with all the sass I always knew he was capable of. Once his whining ceased, he mumbled, “Do you come with a gift receipt?”

“No returns or exchanges allowed, I’m afraid.”

Spencer just let out a strained sigh, and in my head, I imagined how it would feel to climb onto his lap as he leaned back in his chair. I could almost feel his arms wrapping around my waist and his lips peppering kisses wherever he could reach. I could feel his love for me flowing across the country, persisting past the cell tower obstacles to make its way back to me.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” he whispered, his first purely sincere statement of the night.

It was an unfortunate choice, too, because it also reminded me of the biggest bummer that I unfortunately had to share.

“Oh, I meant to tell you, it’s midterm season, so…”

He was, thankfully, not as bummed as I was expecting. He was almost certainly thrilled to have a chance to sleep spread out on his bed without having to satisfy the very needy girl beside him, but he still managed to come up with enough bratty energy to scoff, “Are you telling me that I don’t get my gift when I get home?”

“It’ll just be a few days. Promise,” I spoke through the biggest, cheesiest smile I’d had yet. “You’re very distracting, Dr. Reid.”

“When are your exams?” His enthusiasm gave away just how disappointed he was with the news, but any frustration was clearly aimed at my poor professors.

“My last one is on Wednesday.”

The gasp that left him was too funny not to laugh, followed by exasperated, blubbered nonsense that didn’t ever get much clearer. I barely managed to understand him when he cried, “Don’t they know Halloween should be a national holiday?!”

“You should call my professors and yell at them.”

He actually considered it for a moment, but then returned the same silly intonation, “Maybe I will.”

“Do it. You’re probably more qualified than them to teach me, anyway.”

After a short silence that was filled with more sexual tension than I’d expected considering how the phone call started, I heard Spencer gruffly comment, “You’re a cocky little brat tonight.”

It was so familiar to me that I jumped on the opportunity, giggling through my sleep deprived delirium, “I’m in rare form for your birthday.”

The explanation earned me a chuckle, but not much else. At least, not that I could see. The static on the other end of the phone sounded a lot like the way it looked when Spencer leaned his face against his palm and tried to see something that wasn’t there.

But I was there. Sort of. We’d done a lot more with a lot less, after all. So, that’s what I offered him.

“You know… we could have a redo of the last time I called you late at night on a case.”

“That did not end well for me last time,” he droned. I tried not to laugh at the manufactured memory of Spencer holed up in a hotel bathroom because he just had to have me in whatever way he could.

“Only happy endings for your birthday. I promise.”

But then, as it always did, work got in the way. Filled with only the greatest sadness and regret, Spencer quietly but honestly replied, “As much as I would love to, I don’t think it’ll be possible on this case.”

“Is it that bad?”

“Unfortunately.”

I bit my lip because there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t help Spencer with his work any more than I could fix the distance. All I could offer him was a safe home to return to. He would always find that with me.

“Well, in that case, I will be equipped with cartoons and kisses upon your return,” I offered with grace.

But I wasn’t the only one in rare form. Without skipping a beat, Spencer corrected with a smug sadness, “You mean your return. Considering you’re abandoning me on my birthday.”

“Oh my god, the drama!” I cried before remembering that it was, still, in fact, 3AM. The light grimace I gave after remembering would be the only apology my neighbors would get from me. I was too busy building a narrative happy enough to drown out the horrors in front of him. “You’d think I was the one who was away all the time.”

“I’m allowed to be selfish; it’s my birthday,” he sang, and I soaked in the sound, storing it away for any rainy days.

“Fine. What do you want, brat?” I asked in the worst attempt at an impression I’d ever given.

He was just waiting for the question. Drawing out the first couple of syllables, he laughed through the stupidest birthday wish of all time.

“I want… you to go to bed.”

“Ugh!” I yelled again, not even bothering to feel bad about it that time. My exasperation fell on deaf ears, both from a willful desire to ignore my suffering and a literal ringing from the constant yelling.

Still, that impossible man drummed up enough compassion to gloat with a simple, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, jerk,” I grumbled, only to be swiftly corrected with a playful, “Try that again.”

“I love you, too, old man.”

He was satisfied enough with that answer, despite the sarcasm dripping from it. He still knew that the words were true, and that was all that mattered. Any punishments that might be necessary for my broken promise to behave for his birthday could always be doled out later. When the distance between us was narrowed to inches and clothes could be removed like cheap wrapping paper.

“Thank you, little girl. Sweet dreams,” he whispered, reminding me once more of just how empty my bed felt without him. I stared at his pillow for just one second before I threw myself into it. He chuckled at the sound of rustling sheets over the receiver but said nothing else.

“You get some sleep tonight, too, okay?” I asked, uncharacteristically and openly vulnerable in a way that used to scare me.

Spencer’s voice was filled with pride and love as he answered, “You can’t see it, but I am giving you a pinky promise.”

“Good.” Burying my face in his pillow again made it easier to remember that it wouldn’t be forever when I said, “Bye, Spencer.”

“Goodnight, little girl.”

—————————————————

Autumn on campus felt pretty similar to the rest of the year. I wished that it were different, a little more exciting, to reflect how I felt about the impending holiday. But no, it was just students stumbling into their usual classes and hectically scheduled midterms with hangovers and a total lack of holiday cheer.

It was, in a few words, a complete bummer. The only thing that kept me going through the last of my exams was the knowledge that I’d be seeing Spencer. Unfortunately, he was still doing that rather annoying thing where he refused to answer my text messages. It wasn’t until he ignored even my most ridiculous threats that I realized something was going on.

The ‘Read’ notification sat menacingly on my screen, and I was so fixated on it that I almost didn’t notice the familiar mop of brown curls visible in the front row of the auditorium. But once I saw it, the phone was forgotten faster than ever before. I ran down the steps at a ridiculously dangerous pace, dodging the others still grumbling from their previous exams.

I landed in front of him with only enough breath left to sneer, “You’re in my seat.”

“Surprise,” he said with my favorite smug, self-assured smile.

“Adorable. Now move,” I ordered with a wave of my hand. As much as I loved the guy, I wasn’t about to change my seating arrangement for him. It was beginning to make sense, though, why my friend told me that she wouldn’t be sitting with me today.

“Fine,” he sighed, taking his sweet time moving seats and watching me happily bounce on my feet in the meantime. I snuck behind him into the seat before he’d even fully stood up. That little amount of friction between our bodies seemed to be enough to cause the tension to mount. It’d only been seconds, but I was already seriously considering abandoning the class. To hell with the professor who’d already seen me.

But Spencer’s eyes locked on mine, and he leaned onto the armrest with that same silly smirk.

“It’s a workday, Dr. Reid,” I whispered, forcing my arm next to his and watching the way his pupils grew as I came closer.

“I might have pulled a few strings,” he replied just as quietly, keeping the illusion of secrecy despite many prying eyes around us, “Might’ve told Hotch I was invited.”

“But you weren’t,” I snorted.

Spencer’s head hung in just a little bit of shame, but his wide smile never waned. It was still there, bright and pure in its simplicity as he softly admitted, “Yeah. I lied. But I’m here now.”

There were no complaints about that fact, either. His pinky reached out to mine, twining together in the dim light of the auditorium. Somehow, for a brief second, I forgot about everything else. The noisy chatter meant nothing to me, the two of us lost in some alternate pocket universe that felt safe and warm from the cold air outside.

But time resumed, and I watched as Spencer took his eyes off of me first, turning instead to the lecturer watching us with a knowing glint in his eyes.

“Good morning everyone! We have a special guest with us today.”

I wanted to pay attention to his little introduction, but I couldn’t. Every word that was said about him sounded so clinical. It felt so empty compared to the truth I knew about him. He was so much more than a collection of publications and PhDs.

He was… indescribable. Even as his mouth formed a flat line and his awkward handshake was granted to the crowds of disinterested students, all I saw was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Even if it was only from the shadows of his greatness. Then again, I don’t think he’d ever let me feel that way.

Speaking of…

"Dr. Reid, the only thing I ask is for you to give these wonderful students a chance to show you what they know,” my professor started with a laugh before he so kindly continued, “So go easy on them."

In any other situation, I might have let it slide. I would have accepted the fact that Spencer was far beyond my intellect and not stand up for myself. But this time, Spencer was on my turf.

"All due respect to Dr. Reid, I don't think he needs to go easy on us,” I called from the front row, only audible to the other dutiful students that cared enough to sit up front. I heard Spencer laugh beside me, shaking his head just a little bit at the challenge. He didn’t say anything though, and I returned my eyes to the professor who was already familiar with my antics as I boasted, "At least not on me."

While Spencer caught on to the fairly obvious double entendre, shifting his crossed legs closer, the professor just wrote it off as my usual academic pride.

“I did try to warn you that that one might get competitive,” he commented. At this point, everyone had definitely figured out my relation to the man next to me. It was kind of hard to hide a bullet wound from your school. But again, I was so caught up in the man beside me that I didn’t even feel a little shame at their playful teasing.

Spencer’s commentary was the only thing that mattered, and he gave it with a dreamy sigh. "I'm not offended at all. I'm sure she's very clever."

The little bit of light left in the room started to fade, and once I was shrouded by the shadows, I felt confident enough in my plan to dig through the bag at my feet to pull out probably the nerdiest item in it.

A fucking back-up clicker. Which, I promptly handed to the man beside me.

“You’re in seat B4,” I whispered gruffly, earning yet another snarky chuckle from my boyfriend.

“Is that a challenge?”

I didn’t answer. Not him, anyway. What I did answer was the question that had appeared on the screen.

“Ms. (Y/n)?” My professor called, recognizing my seat number without even looking up.

Luckily for me, today was nothing but a review day of the midterm I’d already taken. While I knew all of the questions and, what I’d hoped were the right answers, Spencer had to read the questions from scratch. Really, it didn’t give me an edge. It just put us on equal playing ground.

As I gave my answer, I watched in my peripherals as Spencer’s eyes narrowed and tongue peeked out from lips that I still hadn’t gotten the chance to kiss today.

It was a bad thing to think about, because my brief reverie of the things that mouth was capable of reminded me of another one. I didn’t even notice another question had appeared on the screen, and when I heard the familiar buzz of an attempted answer, I shared my Professor’s temporary confusion.

“Ah, Dr. Reid,” he laughed, probably already regretting welcoming the bastard here, “Please explain the answer.”

But there was another thing working in my favor: My boyfriend’s giant fucking ego. Really, it should be impossible that someone who was normally super insecure could enjoy showing off as much as he did. My professor didn’t mind, because Spencer’s long-winded answer was a wonderful review of… basically the entire course, and I didn’t mind because it granted me the one thing I needed.

Time. Time to slowly remove my jacket and reveal the sweater underneath. Spencer’s eyes caught the motion, glancing over only a couple of times while he managed to give his answer. It wasn’t until I started to remove the sweater that he cut his answer short.

His throat clearing told me he wanted my attention, but I was still just too distracted for him. I fanned my chest that felt warm for reasons other than the temperature of the room, guaranteeing his eyes would stay there long enough for me to catch the next question before he had a chance.

Or so I thought. Because before the question appeared, I made the positively stupid mistake of meeting his gaze. As soon as I did, my mind was stuck there, drowning in molasses and honey and—

“Dr. Reid, please feel free to continue to do my job for me. Lord knows I would love a break,” the professor joked, and I almost felt guilty for just how genuine he sounded. Not like Spencer would have noticed passive aggression if it existed.

Not like either of us would have cared. Per usual, we were so lost in the space of B4 and B5 that we didn’t care about the rest of the alphabet. All we cared about was winning. It was growing more and more obvious to me, though, that I would have to become a little more ruthless if I wanted to bring down the bona fide genius.

The sound of his voice rang through the auditorium loud, clear, and confident. He didn’t need to worry if he was right or not, because he knew he was. The smugness was grating to my ears. I knew I couldn’t trick him into making a mistake, but there was one thing I could do.

I’d learned one thing very well in my time with Spencer, and that was how to manipulate that pretty little voice of his.

For example, if I wanted to hear it catch in his throat and come out a few pitches higher, all I would have to do is touch him. The riskier the touch, the higher his voice would go. Which was why I spread out the jacket over my lap, making sure that our legs were close enough that it covered him, too. Then I waited, calmly and kindly listening to him drone along until there was a natural enough inflection to hide evidence of any nefarious actions. Just as his voice started to rise, I slid my hand over his knee.

Spencer barely stuttered, just enough for me to know he was affected, but not enough for anyone else to notice. He took the loss with grace, quickly ending his answer with a summary that contained only half as many words as he would have normally provided.

He kept a few for me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he hissed, shifting close enough to me that I could feel his breath on my ear.

“All’s fair in love and war,” I hummed. His breath caught again when I began stroking my thumb over his leg that had just started to bounce.

“This is wildly inappropriate.”

“How perceptive,” I returned with my own little smirk. The interaction caught us both, trapping us in the alternate dimension that existed when we held each other. His hand found its way to mine, and his thumb brushed over the back and sent goosebumps shooting over my skin.

I’d practically abandoned our pursuits altogether when I heard my friend’s voice as she took the question that we’d both missed. I should’ve been upset for losing after all that I’d gone through for my strategy to succeed, but it was hard to feel anything other than butterflies when Spencer was still looking at me like that.

Even when I looked away, he stayed, patiently waiting for me to take the final question in the review. I granted him a chance to take it, but he just shook his head, implicitly asking me to take the win for the both of us. Even when we were competing, we were always on the same team.

There were no more distractions as I explained the answer as simply as I could. I was positive the rest of the class was tired of hearing our voices, but Spencer never stopped smiling. I could feel the pride rolling off of him, his hand growing tighter around mine as he took in a deep breath.

“Very good, (y/n),” my professor announced, signaling the end and initiating a large sigh of relief from everyone else.

Spencer sighed too, although his was with a different kind of relief; a dreamy, soft sound as he muttered under his breath, “Just like I said. Very clever.”

The air felt positively electric, and I never hated my class more than I did in that moment. The rest of the period ticked by so slowly that I almost swore the clocks were broken. Once we were allowed to leave, Spencer insisted on sticking around to thank the professor for his hospitality.

I knew it was necessary, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. I tried to be as patient as possible, even though it seemed pointless. Spencer’s little grin told me he knew very well what he was doing. The conversation had dragged on for practically five minutes of agony while I idled by the door.

But then my professor passed, and I felt the adrenaline course through my veins in seconds. As anticipated, we didn’t even make it out of the building before the tension broke. We’d barely even made it down the goddamn hallway before I shoved his scrawny ass into the first empty classroom I found. Once the door clicked shut behind us, the roles were quickly reversed.

I hadn’t seen him that excited in so long that I’d almost forgotten how easy it was to get swept up in his undertow. I couldn’t keep track of his hands or his mouth as they marked any bare skin they could find. But no matter how frantic and uncoordinated the movements were, they never ceased to send chills down my spine.

“This is wildly inappropriate, Dr. Reid,” I managed to slur between sloppy, heated kisses. It was barely comprehensible through the pent-up lust that had driven us there in the first place, but it still felt worth saying.

Spencer, however, made his feelings very clear with a gruff, forceful, “I don’t care.”

His hands were already roaming over my hips, pulling me so close to the edge that I nearly fell off the counter entirely. While I was laughing at his haste, he was busy leaving angry marks on my collarbone, pulling the top of my shirt down to grant him more access. And despite how badly my body burned with desire and need, I drummed up just enough self-preservation to force out a few, regrettable words.

“Take me home.”

Even though I tried to make it sound more seductive than a normal request to stop, it brought the momentum to a halt. Spencer immediately stopped his kisses, but let his hands continue to stroke loving patterns over the sides of my thighs.

“Don’t you have other classes?” he asked. The feeling of his breath against my ears making me second-guess my already voiced decision. But as enticing as the idea was of having him now, having already waited over a week, I knew we could have so much more fun with a little bit of privacy.

“Don’t you have work?” I teased, hoping that it would spur him to take the action we both knew was safer. At the same time, I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to poke fun at the academic in him.

“Unless this is your way of telling me you've always wanted to fuck a girl in a lab because, I must admit I'd be more than happy to oblige."

Spencer’s whole body tensed as he imagined just what it would feel like to take me in such a public place. After a couple seconds that I can only imagine were filled with fantasies and a reasonable fear, he pulled me from my seat on the counter and placed me back on the ground.

“Let’s go,” he said, pulling me by my wrist towards the door.

I only barely managed to stop him with both hands on his arm. He turned back to look at me like I’d done some horrible thing, but I was too busy trying to stop the laughter that was spilling from my chest.

“You’re uh—” I cleared my throat, pointing to the very noticeable tent in his slacks before I keened through the giggles, “You’re gonna have to do something about that.”

With a quick glance down, Spencer remembered the very unfortunately obvious trait of the male anatomy. “Fuck,” he stated plainly.

I couldn’t resist.

“I mean, I’m down,” I joked one final time.

“Shut up!” Spencer laughed, too, trying and failing to adjust himself in his pants while I just enjoyed the show.

After all, we both knew that once we were alone, he would get a reprieve from my ridicule. He would get whatever he wanted.

—————————————————

The chaotic clashing of hands and mouths continued seconds after we’d reached our destination. The empty apartment had all of the sounds of our desperation echoing back to us, and after soaking in the melodious noise for a few seconds, I snapped back to reality.

“Okay, she doesn’t get home for another 30 minutes at the earliest so, we’d better hurry,” I urged, trying to shove Spencer off of me to convince him to move. It barely worked, with his arms clutching tighter the harder I struggled to get away.

Wrapped together just like that, the two of us barely made it a few feet before we almost tumbled to the ground. That was just enough of a reminder of our lack of coordination for Spencer to finally, begrudgingly, release me. Kind of. His hand still held tight to mine, and our laughter still combined the whole way to our bed.

From there, Spencer felt confident in our privacy to answer, “That’s fine. I usually tear open my gifts pretty quickly.”

It was a very good metaphor for the way his hands worked over my clothes. I didn’t even try to pinpoint the moment where being naked no longer made me feel nervous. I let the scar tissue show because neither of us were going to look at it, anyway. We were too caught up in the slight shifts and nuances of our faces as we rushed towards our one mutual goal.

“I missed you,” I mumbled, the words feeling as natural as breathing itself.

“I missed you, too,” he returned, and I felt the raw emotion, the sincerity and desire in every syllable. But once it was over and he had finally managed to remove everything but my underwear, all that was left was an all-encompassing, mind-altering level of lust.

“God, watching you in class was so fucking frustrating,” he strained, his upper lip curling with disdain as he watched my body squirm against the sheets.

“Why’s that?”

“I wanted you so badly.”

There was no denying that it was the honest truth, and I didn’t even want to try. I wanted to gloat and bask in the confirmation that his presence was dangerous for my academic career. Not to mention my sanity.

“Like I said. You’re very distracting.”

Then, to prove my point, that brilliant bastard shoved his hand under the band of my underwear. He only held me softly for one second before he slid his fingers through the slickness and thrust them roughly into me. It hadn’t been that long, but the emptiness I felt before was even more apparent now that I had any part of him inside of me again.

“Am I?” he chimed with a smile.

I wanted to be bratty, to fight the tension that was building and appear unfazed by his ministrations, but there was simply no pretending. Not when my body was already on the verge of spasming around his fingers that seemed to stroke the perfect place within me with every movement.

“Jesus Christ,” I sighed. I should’ve known better than to give him ammunition.

“You’ve resorted to blasphemy already?”

Spencer partnered the tease with a ruthless thrust, burying his fingers to the knuckle inside of me and holding them there. He waited until I ran out of breath and struggled to take another while also trying not to scream in a mixture of frustration and devastating need for more.

“I thought I told you we had to hurry?”

“We’ve got time,” he shot back without pause, “You’re just being a needy little brat.”

“Yes, I am,” I whined just as quickly, “I’m a fucking brat and I need you.”

He almost seemed disappointed in my compliance. His fingers began moving again, eliciting noises that were louder, higher, and sweeter after the anticipation. He tried to draw the attitude out of me by stopping again, waiting for a quip that didn’t come.

“Awww, no fight?” he cooed.

“I can’t. It’s your birthday,” I grumbled before biting my tongue. The pressure was becoming so unbearable I thought I might honestly draw blood. But after another few seconds of torture that felt like a lifetime, Spencer withdrew his hand completely.

He was testing the limits, watching how far I would let him go before begging. But even when he took the same soaked fingers and began rubbing me from the outside of my underwear, I only opened my mouth to steal quick, soft breaths and give pitiful whines.

“Oh, I like this…” he laughed, apparently having gotten past his concern about my sudden compliance, “I could get used to you behaving.”

The song-like cadence got to me, threatening to spark and ignite everything I was holding back. I almost bit back. I almost let the desire scorch my throat with a few choice words for the very rude genius, but I didn’t. The only thing that stopped me was the feel of cotton sliding down my thighs as he removed the final barrier between us.

“You’d miss my misbehaving,” I said with a chuckle. The sound mixed with another, a deep moan that filled my chest when I felt him press himself against my entrance. My back arched, causing him to slip inside of me just enough for us to both lose our words.

“I don’t know…”

If I’d wanted to say anything, my mouth wouldn’t have let me. It was too busy singing his praise while simultaneously begging him to silence it. My lips floundered for a kiss that he hung just far enough away from me to deny. Satisfaction was painted over every feature as he started to enter me, brushing his lips against my mouth every few seconds just to pull away before I was granted the intimacy I sought.

“You do look rather cute when you’re begging.”

It was strange, the way my body started to predict his movements. I met him in the middle of every motion, and I swore even our breath became synchronized in its rapid firing. It wasn’t until his hand rested over my throat we broke the rhythm. I wasn’t going to complain, letting the energy flow down my spine that arched towards him on instinct. His hips never stopped, and I could tell by the way his breath hitched and his fingers grew tighter around my neck that the new angle was as wonderful for him as it was for me.

“You look so sweet when you let go of every ounce of self-preservation and dignity you have and put your life in my hands,” he whispered with an affection that almost seemed odd considering the context. But then there was something else in his moans, a genuine gentleness that made my already arrhythmic heart beat faster.

“You know I’ll take care of you, don’t you?” he asked as his movements stayed calm and careful. Loving and safe.

I didn’t even notice my eyes had closed, but it ultimately didn’t matter. Because when I opened them, I saw the same man that existed in every image behind my eyelids. The only indication he got that I was still capable of communication was the gentle curve of my lips that dropped open in a pleased sigh as his hips continued a slow, tender pace.

It still felt like too much, but not in a bad way. It was too much in the sense that I was reminded once again just how ruined he’d made me. And the smug little shit knew it, too.

“You don’t have a single thought in that pretty little head, do you?” he cooed, dragging his hand up the column of my throat to force his fingers against my tongue. True to my word, I didn’t try to fight back. I soaked the digits that still tasted like me with my jaw left open. His pupils dilated as he watched the spit pool in my mouth that awaited his instruction.

“You just want to be used. Like the perfect little doll you are.”

Unlike my own, his smile was more of a smirk. A crooked, ever so slightly wicked quirk that made my muscles tense around him in their own version of an affirmative answer. He took it, happily. His body crashed into mine, but it merely felt like an extension of myself returning home like the waves meeting the shore. I could feel him claiming his rightful place at the deepest parts of me, making his home with every powerful motion of his hips.

I could hardly breathe, let alone think. I didn’t want to. It felt unnecessary.

“My sweet little girl,” he muttered with an unbelievably chaste kiss in the center of my forehead, “You’d do anything to make your daddy happy.”

I felt detached from myself in a way that didn’t feel me with fear or pain. I could feel myself through his hands, strong and working the pliable flesh of my thighs as he held them up so that he could drive into me harder.

His eyes, also only half open, burned with intensity. I could feel the determination, the undying desire to grant me a serenity that no one else could. His need for me to feel safe and loved with the seemingly contradictory brutality.

But it wasn’t contradictory. The power behind every movement, the insistence on being as close to me as he possibly could, might have caused some physical pain, but it was nothing compared to the pleasure of sharing this space with him. Of sharing my body with him just to see what he would do with it. I already knew, but I wanted to feel it again and again. Because with each stroke of his hand and thrust of his hips, I felt it.

Spencer had free rein to do whatever he wanted, and he chose to love me.

“I’m so close. You know what I want,” he pleaded despite holding all of the power. He handed it to me with a low groan, trying to kiss my lips while he commanded, “Do it. Come for me.”

My body obeyed his command, falling to pieces around him with shockwaves breaking over every inch of me. My vision went white, crafting a halo of light around him as he also found himself reaching a peak that seemed different than the times we’d shared before.

I tried to figure out what had changed, what about this time made it unique. But as the euphoria faded, all I saw staring back at me was the same face as always, radiating a joy and understanding that warmed damp, chilly skin. Spencer’s release provided a similar warmth within me, and my body clung to him even tighter despite the exhaustion.

My breathing took its time to even out, but I was in no rush to leave him. I would have stayed like that forever, with Spencer covering me like the silliest, boniest blanket. If it wasn’t for the dead weight he eventually dropped on me, we probably would’ve spent the whole day lost in the covers. But he could thank the scars for me being a little less forgiving.

Of course, thankful is not the word to describe him at all. Whiny was more like it. Even as I turned our bodies together so that I would still be sitting on his lap, he did nothing but groan and bitch about it. That is, until I silenced him with a kiss that barely brushed over his lips.

That was enough to turn his frown back to the dopey smile I loved so much.

“Happy birthday, old man,” I purred, enjoying the way his hands grabbed me tighter at the loving nickname. But age wasn’t what was on his mind. I could see it in the way his eyes tore past my defenses and he held me closer like we could actually become one if he tried hard enough.

“I’m so in love with you, it’s infuriating,” he whispered.

“I’ve heard that one before.”

Spencer wasn’t in a joking mood, though. All of his humor seemed to be expended earlier in the day, and now he was just left with all the mushy, romantic innards that I normally kept at bay.

It wasn’t that bad, though, I thought as his hands framed my face so our foreheads would touch. There were worse things to be trapped with.

“It’s true,” he mumbled with his voice still high and slurred together, “I look at you and there is just… nothing that can be said that would ever explain the way it feels.”

“Gross,” I joked.

“Get used to it,” he returned. And if that wasn’t enough to make me laugh, he stuck his tongue out in the most childish display I’d seen from him since he’d fucking licked my hand on our picnic. It was also just charming enough that I was willing to let the sappy stuff slide.

“I’ll be nice to you this time,” I grumbled. “But also, speaking of time, you’d better hurry up if you don’t want to do the walk of shame with an audience.”

Spencer’s arms fell limp with a dramatic cry before he used them to cover his face once more.

“Ugh. Go,” he ordered. Despite his words, he still made me fight against greedy hands to wrestle my way out of bed. It would have been smarter to let me go quickly. I really don’t know what he was thinking, but he would learn his mistake soon enough. Because as I was finishing up in the bathroom, I heard a very amused voice chiming down the hall on the other side of the door.

“Good afternoon, Spencer.”

I debated not opening the door and freeing Spencer from the unbelievably uncomfortable position he’d just found himself in, but ultimately decided it was too cruel. Still, the stalling had taken up enough time that the poor guy felt compelled to reply.

And, of course, the only thing he could think to say was a pathetic, high pitched, “Hi.”

Somehow managing to contain the absolutely riotous laughter I felt in my gut, I opened the door with the straightest face I could muster.

It wasn’t enough. Spencer saw the pleasure I took in his humiliation and practically shoved me out of the bathroom to take my place behind the doors. While I found the action endearing in the most awkward way, my roommate was mostly just confused about how the fuck I’d managed to find someone as stupid as me.

“I didn’t know he was coming,” she said once she managed to smile at the silly situation.

Clearing my throat, I tried to sound sincere in my bullshit apology. “Me either, sorry.”

In a way, I think the fact I couldn’t pull myself together worked in my favor. Normally, she would have scolded me (albeit playfully) for not alerting her of what she might be walking in on, but this time, she just tried to withhold the smile that still stretched over her cheeks despite her best efforts.

“You’re fine,” she sighed, giving in to the desire to go against her usual grumpy demeanor before retreating to her own room. “Have fun, you hooligans.”

Once her door clicked shut, I heard shuffling on the other side of the door next to me. Spencer’s shadow was visible from the light peeking out underneath, and I waited a few more restless seconds before I announced, “You can come out now, Spencer.”

Cautiously, the door creaked open just enough for his head to poke out and confirm that I wasn’t trying to trick him.

“I’ve never been a hooligan before,” he said with a bounce in his step and his eyebrows halfway up his face. To think that he was the same man who threatened to arrest me for existing at a nightclub was, in a word, hilarious.

“Well, good news for you,” I purred, and the sound must have reminded him of my more devilish nature, because his jubilance quickly shifted back to an obvious anxiety. I wrapped my arms around him even when it meant that his muscles tensed, dragging him down so I could whisper in his ear, “I was just about to ask if you wanted to help me play hooky.”

“And do what?”

It felt strange to say that I hadn’t really thought about it. That the second I’d seen him I knew that the day would be good and free and fun. That everything felt so perfectly fine that I didn’t even want to challenge it with a schedule.

Spencer looked at me, his answer apparent in the way he started to relax the longer we stayed wrapped up in a shitty apartment hallway. It didn’t matter what I said. Spencer would have followed me, just like I would have done for him.

And without the angst or uncertainty of what could go wrong, there was only one thing left for us to do. With a shrug and pout, I proposed the riskiest plan we’d had yet.

“Whatever we want.”

—————————————————

| Finale |

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hydesjackiespuddinpop · 2 years

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faberry

Is it for the endgame ask? Cuz I can do that (correct me if I’m wrong tho)

So for starters Quinn would not be dating ANYONE in s2 (even if it was faberry or quartie, I’d still be upset) cuz after what she’s been through that season, the last thing she needs is a relationship. So I’d have Quinn’s skank phase be in season 2 instead and Rachel would also be one of the the people supporting her through it. Which would lead to them having a tighter bond. Quinn would also be there for her with the Finn drama. I’d give them a few more duets and cute moments and I actually think I’ll have a storyline of quinn realizing she’s a lesbian this season. And season 3 is when Quinn goes back to being a cheerio. But anyways, I’d also have there be a moment where they’re hanging out and have her realize that she’s in love with Rachel but she’s still with Finn (ugh). Honestly in s3, it seemed like she was in love with her as well. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe her reasoning about wanting better for Rachel but I also think that there was more to it. Also they’d both be there for Santana after she gets outed (the facts that Rachel, who has 2 gay dads, had little to no reaction about this was bs). Kurt and Mercedes would know about Quinn’s love for Rachel as well. They’d actually be the first people she comes out to. So basically I’d actually bring that up and make it a real storyline. That’s also another reason why I’d have Quinn make Rachel prom queen. Then there will be a scene at the end with Quinn and Santana, and they talk about Rachel and how they’ll actually miss her. Then Santana will notice something different about Quinn and be like “I was joking about you making out with Berry but are you actually gay for berry” and she’ll confide in her about being a lesbian and they’ll have a really heartfelt conversation about everything going on. And then in season 4, I’d have them keep in touch and call each other (honestly the fact that Quinn gave her a ticket but then in s4 she joked about Rach rarely calling her is a joke). Quinn would also try to move on and date someone (NOT THAT MARRIED PROFESSOR) but when she bumped into her in Naked, she’ll realize that she’s not over her then break up with her other gf. I’d have Quinn fuck both Rachel and Santana (fapezberry for the win) or just quinntana and I’ll have some jealous!rachel there. I’d still break up brochel but I wouldn’t vilify Brody, instead, I’d have it be an amicable break up and have them actually be honest about what they were hiding from each other (sex worker, sleeping with Quinn). Brody would hear the way she talks about Quinn and point it out, which’ll make Rachel realize that she’s in love with Quinn. Also they’d (Faberry) have a lovely conversation about everything going on and how happy they are for each other. I’d have them admit their feelings for each other but I wouldn’t have them get together because Quinn and Rachel should get their shit together as individuals. They’d officially get together in the 100th episode and sing yet another duet. And maybe I’ll have a Brittana/Faberry double wedding but that might be too soon so I’d have them be married in the flashforward and show Quinn clapping for Rachel getting her Tony. And then they have 2 kids eventually and live happily ever after

#glee #otp: you’re better than you know #this is a long ass post ik #lucbian

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justoneday-namjoonii · 3 years

Text

Quarters. | 9

☼1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9

prompt: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” — soul-gazing

pairing: Jungkook x reader

warnings/au: please keep warnings in mind—dysfunctional relationship with a capital D, toxic relationship themes, but they’re attempting to get better, probably inaccurate therapy but i tried, m-ish, humor(i try), mentions of drug usage, cheater cheater pumpkin eater?, fluff, angst, boxer!au, iceskater!au.

authors note: Hello!!💖it’s been a while since the last update but here we are. ✨This chapter is pretty long✨. Unlike some of the other parts, it is following the timeline of the previous part(pt. 8) so just keep that in mind. See m.list for other parts. Enjoy!🥰

“Do it again, you need to stop relying on your right leg so much!”

Your coach yells for the third time in the last hour, she’s being a tyrant today. Your poor ankles are about to break off, your legs are straining and the cold air is starting to feel like vengeful needles. It’s been about two months since the incident with your leg and the doctor at your last check up granted you freedom to skate again. You’re glad it did to because you were about to go crazy. After the scandal came out about you and your ex-coach judge, she asked you if you wanted to get back into pairs. She went on about how Lucas was open to joining pairs again and that maybe you could get back with him—tempting offer. You’ve thought about it, though you still haven’t made a decision. It has been months since your injury, you can no longer use it as an excuse to take things easy.

Determined to get it right, you skate back to your starting point and try it again. You skate forward, bending your knees just slightly to gain more momentum and once you turn, you take off into a triple salchow. Perfect.

”Finally,” You mutter, skating over to the edge of the rink where your coach is just getting off a phone call.

“Okay, Lucas will be here on Thursday to practice with you,” She smiles, tucking her phone in her pocket, “there’s a competition in two months and I think you two should sign up for it.”

“Coach, I haven’t decided if I want to get back into that,” You put on your blade guards and walk over to the lockers, “I just don’t know yet.”

“Think about it,” She leans against the lockers as you untie your skates and put them in your bag, “if you’re seriously pursuing this career, you have to be flexible. You’re not getting any younger. I hate it just as much as you do but you’ll get positive exposure with him and maybe even pick up a sponsor for the season.”

“Fine,” You zip up your duffel bag and slip your hoodie on, deciding to leave the yoga pants on, “but I need a break. I worked a night shift last night so I’m only standing because I took three espresso shots and I’m about to take another one, I’m exhausted.”

“I know you are, try to get some rest this weekend. You’ll be at the ballet studio for half of next week so you won’t be on the ice,” She says that, hoping it’ll give you some relief, “just don’t forget to soak your feet tonight.”

You gather your stuff and walk out of the center, waving at Carrie the desk clerk like a zombie. It’s only 8 o’clock but you’ve been here for two hours, you feel like you’re in a time loop. An eternal warp created to keep you totally spent. When you hop in your car, you crank it up and turn the heat on. Not long after, your eyelids begin to feel heavy so you drive over to the closest coffee shop. When you look down at your phone, you see a missed call from Jeon Jungkook. All prior emojis have been removed from his contact.

His call will stay missed, just like the other five. You’re not in the mood for his sob story. About two weeks ago, you decided that you two needed to take a break but he took it hard. You remember sitting on your couch with crossed arms and staring at him as he twisted and squirmed uncomfortably.

“What kind of break?”

Are there different kinds?

“The kind where we stop seeing each other all the time, I don’t know what kind that is, Jungkook. But I can’t deal with this right now, it’s causing me major stress and anxiety...”

“You can’t deal with me?” He sounds hurt.

“Not with you Jungkook, with your crap. I have a ice skating career to try to work out, a job, school, the last thing I need to worry about is whether you can control yourself,” You frown, “you were just at my house with my niece and next thing I know you’re out getting high and fooling around with other girls.”

“You’re still upset about the photo,” He concludes, “baby, I told you, it didn’t go anywhere with that girl, I pushed her off. I wasn’t completely sober but I know I didn’t let her-”

“That’s exactly my point, you were doing drugs. And for what? You don’t need it. I understand a little bit of smoking every now and then but I can’t handle when you do that other stuff. That night was a disaster. I got stabbed, how does that even happen? But of course, it would happen to me,” You massage the sides of your temples. “I’m just over it, I’m tired.”

“You want to give up on us? Just like that? I’ve apologized a thousand times, I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m sorry,” He twiddles his fingers and bites at his bottom lip, “I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not giving up,” You defend, “we need some space to work on our selves.”

“Why can’t we work on ourselves together?”

“We’ve been doing that and it doesn’t work.”

The conversation continued on until you two ended up arguing for a good hour before you lied, saying you had to go to class. He left and you haven’t heard from him since, not a a call, a text, a call, not even a like on any of your recent posts. He’s taking this well.

“Why did you do that!? She’s gonna think I called her,” Jungkook snatches the phone from Jimin, “fuck, are you trying to get me killed?”

“Come on,” Jimin roles his eyes with a grin, putting his boxing gloves back on, “you guys can’t stay away from each other, you expect me to believe you two aren’t talking-”

“I’m serious, we haven’t talked for weeks,” Jungkook locks his phone with a frown, tucking it in his gym bag, “she’s done with me.”

“Oh, aw man,” He is serious, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys broke up.”

He had been by you and Jungkook for the entirety of the relationship, it always seemed like you preferred things to be spontaneous. Admittedly, he knew Jungkook would do something that pushed you over the edge one day but he didn’t think it would be so soon.

“We didn’t break up,” Jungkook mumbles, tying his hair back with a head band, “we’re just taking a break, that’s what she told me at least.”

“Aw, that sucks,” Jimin has to contain his amusement, it’s not funny but the fact that Jungkook is giving you full control over the relationship is unusual to him.

“Every time I think about trying to talk to her, I just remember that face she makes and that tone she uses. That’s when I know she does not give a single fuck, it’s scary.”

“Is there a reason she’s being so hard on you? Don’t get me wrong, you were in the wrong. You shouldn’t have been there but it’s been weeks.”

“Her past relationship was rough on her mentally and emotionally. When she was young she had some things happen to her that causes her to have a hard time trusting others.”

“If you knew that then why did you do what you did?”

“I don’t know, okay? Everyone's been beating me up about it but I just don’t have an answer for you. I said I was sorry,” Jungkook shakes his head, fists making brunt contact with the punching bag, “I just I miss her,”

“It’ll be alright, she’ll come around,” Jimin holds the bag, keeping it still for the lovesick boy, “just give it some time. Hey, I’m taking my niece to the ice-skating rink in town, you should come!”

Jungkook, dramatically collapses to the ground, laying back on the ground with his boxing gloves on his face. “Ice-skating, why would you suggest ice-skating!?” He whines. “That’s literally what she does, it’s just going to remind me of her...”

“Aw Kook, I know,” Jimin can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s overreaction, “that’s okay, you’ll be fine, and besides,” He pulls him up from the ground and pushes his shaggy hair back, “you can’t stay away from each other forever..”

“What about this one?” You step out of the dressing room, turning from side-to-side to let her see, “I like the color.”

“That’s the one,” Harmony scrolls through her phone, eyes going between you and the screen, “perfect.”

“Harmony, you’re just saying that!” You whine, turning to look into the mirror again with a frown.

“Y/n, this is the 11th dress you’ve tried on, it looks great. I’m serious.”

“Okay, I’ll go with this one then,” You smile, going back in the dressing room to change back into your clothes. Yuna’s having a party for the charity she works with. All of the money donated goes to buying toys and clothes for kids in foster care and orphanages, you attend every year.

“You know, I heard Jungkook might come with Taehyung,”

Ugh, you forgot that your groups of friends are also friends. Jeon Jungkook, you still consider him your boyfriend in some aspects, but you don’t want to face him right now. Maybe you’re dragging this out too far but honestly, you don’t care. You love him but right now, you’re doing too well to let him crawl himself back into your life. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t creeping on his social media every now and then, you do care enough to see how he’s doing on there.

“Hm,”

“That’s all you have to say?” She giggles.

“Yup.”

“Did you officially dump his ass yet?”

You step out of the dressing room, rolling your eyes harder than necessary.

“Look, what happened to you was terrible. You couldn’t skate because of him. You caught him with another girl and you still let him take you home,” She was still bitter about Jungkook taking you away the way he did, she still thinks she should have insisted more.

You clear your throat, “I rather not talk about it.”

It’s been admittedly awkward every time one of your friends bring that night up. On one hand, you understand why they bash him so hard but on the other hand, it’s hard to hear. You two leave the mall and grab lunch to eat in the comfort of your car..

During this break, you’ve decided to try and take things slow, relax. Admittedly, it would be nice to have Jungkook around again, to run errands with, to cuddle with. It’s hard not to miss him, you knew it would be.

“We should go to the pop-up ice-skating rink on campus today, it’s a family thing I think,” Harmony squeezes ketchup onto her fries with a thoughtful him, “it sounds fun.”

“It’s funny you say that, Lucas invited me to go ther. He was going to go with his family, I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to.” You sigh.

“Oh, that’s right! The prince is back in town,” Harmony always had a thing for Lucas, even in high school. When you two were partners years ago, she still had a crush on him, “then we definitely should go. Are you getting back into pairs with him?

“Yeah, we’ll do one season together next year.” You have to admit, you are excited to get back into the practice with one of your best friends.

“I’ll definitely have to brush up on my ballet lessons and I was always a bit too shaky during lifts. Our instructions used to say if I don’t look comfortable during lifts on the stable ground, I can’t expect to look good while I’m being lifted and Lucas is still skating. I trust Lucas a lot more now so I think it’ll go well,”

“Jungkook will love that.”

You take a bite of your chicken sandwich with a heavy sigh, “He’ll live...”

“Uncle,” Yona sits with her little brother in the back seat while they wait for Jungkook to finish pumping the gas, “why does your friend look so grumpy? Doesn’t he want to go skating with us?”

Jimin glances back at Yona and smiles, thinking of how he should explain Jungkook’s situation. “He’s just upset, he’s fine.”

“What is he upset about?” Jimin hesitates for a moment but Jungkook signals that he’s running inside for something.

“Well,” He turns to face her, “can you keep a secret?” She eagerly nods. “Kookie is a little sad because he misses his girlfriend.”

“Oh, what happened to her?” Yona frowns, fearing what Jimin might say.

“Nothing happened to her, he’s okay, they just haven’t seen each other in a long time,” He rakes his brain, trying not to say too much about Jungkook’s love life, “but it’s okay, he’s alright. Just try to understand, he’s not trying to be a grump, he’s just a big teddy bear who pretends to be tough when he’s sad,” He grins, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh,” She nods adorably, pitying Jungkook, “I won’t,”

in the nick of time, Jungkook comes back with a receipt and mumbles something about the poor management in the convenience store. Jimin notices how Yona looks at him with sympathetic eyes but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too wrapped up in his phone to see that a 9-year-old is pitying his dysfunctional love-life.

It doesn’t take long before the four of them arrive at the skating rink and Jimin is helping, Juda, Yona’s sleepy 5-year-old brother out of the car. Yona takes the liberty of escorting her self out and walking over to Jungkook.

“Hi,” She looks up at him, not even a little intimidated by his towering stature over herself.

Jungkook looks around, as if she’s talking to someone else. “Hi,” He gives her a small wave, “it’s Yona, right?”

“Yes,” She nods, walking by his side, “uncle said your girlfriend skates, do you skate too?”

Jungkook mentally cringes, bracing himself for whatever Jimin told this little girl about his personal life. “No, I’m a boxer, she’s the skater.”

“Ahh, ice skating is prettier than boxing, you should ice skate too,” She looks back at Jimin and Juda walking side by side, wondering if she should walk with them or stay with Jungkook. Just when she was about to further judge Jungkook’s life choices, Jimin and Juda catch up. Jimin leads the four of them to the skate rental booth where Jungkook avoids eye contact with the girls behind the counter. It’s hard enough to be in your environment, let alone be surrounded by couples and families skating to their hearts content. It’s not the same without you, it doesn’t feel like he should even be trying to enjoy himself after what he did to you.

Jimin and the kids get their skates on, but Jungkook tells them to go ahead without him. The more he sits here, the less he wants to be here.

“We decided to come and skate for a little bit, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your invitation, I didn’t think I’d be able to come.” You and Harmony skate out onto the ice.

Lucas stands at the edge of the rink, smiling. “It’s okay, I’m here with my family so don’t sweat it, hey! You wanna practice a routine, for old time sake?”

“There are way too many people to be practicing a routine. Besides, I’m already sore from practice yesterday.”

“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought you told me he skates with you sometimes,” He skates a circle around you, a toothy grin on his face, “I want to meet him.”

“He was busy,” You lie. You don’t know where Jungkook is or what he’s doing, “It’s just us.″

Somehow, he believes you and skates off with his family while you breathe.

“You lie,” Harmony shakes her head as if to say shame on you.

“What was I supposed to say? I’m not gonna burden him with my personal problems.”

You two go back and forth until she surrenders, claiming she’ll leave you a Jungkook’s relationship out of her mouth for the rest of the day. You highly doubt she can but you appreciate the effort.

Nononononono—why is he here? And blonde. Your eyes widen, your palms get sweaty, just seeing him affects you. You’ve missed him. Judging by the way he’s sitting on the bench with his skates beside him, he looks sad. Who is he here with?

”Y/n, Harmony, hey!” Jimin skates over to you with two little kids by his side, they’re so cute. “What’re you two doing here?”

”Jimin? Hi, fancy meeting you here, we decided to come last minute,” You’ve connect the dots now, “who are these two cuties?”

“I’m babysitting my niece and nephew,” He holds both of your hands and the both of them say a shy little greeting, “say hello guys,”

“Hi,” Yona waves at you two and you greet her with a bright smile.

Jimin glances back at Jungkook who has yet to notice you. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?” You nod.

“Harmony can you please watch them for a second?” “Me? Um, I guess but-”

You skate to the edge of the rink and Jimin follows, you already anticipating what this conversation is about.

“Jungkook is here.”

“I know, I saw him,” You deadpan.

“Look, I know what happened between you guys and he probably doesn’t want me to say this, but he’s been the biggest bitch since you two split, I’ve never seen him so at odds with himself.”

“What am I supposed to do about that? That’s not my fault.” You frown.

“I’m not saying that you need to do anything,” Now he understands what Jungkook meant about your infamous tone. “I just wanted to let you know, I figured you haven’t talked.”

“I’m sorry,” You hold your face in your hands, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just have a lot on my mind and I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with him today.”

“Maybe you two can talk, I’m not saying you should get back together but maybe talking face to face will help you find common ground?”

That’s advice that you know you should take but the thought of talking to him makes your stomach uneasy. It’s easier to ignore him, erase him from your life while you figure out what you want. You’re very childish in the aspect of talking things out, he is too.

“Here he comes,” Jimin looks over at Jungkook who is slowly approaching you two, “I’ll give you two some space-”

“Jimin, I swear, if you did this on purpose!-” Your threat is cut short when he skates away and Jungkook skates up to you. As if you don’t even see him, you quickly skate away, uninterested in anything he might have to say.

Jungkook knows he can’t possibly out-skate you. He mumbles a few curses before skating over to Jimin and the kids as frustrated as ever. For a moment, he almost changed course because Harmony, his biggest hater, is with them and she is one of the last people he wants to see.

“Jungkook, hey,” Jimin sighs, dreading the angry frown in Jungkook’s brows, “I’m glad you decided to-”

“Did you know she was here?” Jungkook cuts straight to the punch, not paying any mind to Harmony whose staring at him as if he’s a mass murderer.

“No,” Jimin shrugs, voice low in order not to alarm the kids who are skating near by, “you know I would have told you.”

“I’ll be in the car.” He skates off, anxious to get off the ice but he’s stopped when another skater bumps into his shoulder.

“Sorry!-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shrugs, but just when Jungkook was about to leave the guy gives him a weird look.

“Wait, what’s your name? You look so familiar,”

“Jungkook,” He responds with a bit of impatience, “I don’t think I know you from anywhere, sorry-”

“You’re Y/n’s boyfriend! She showed me some of her pictures pictures,” Lucas smiles but Jungkook’s eyes darken, “I’m Lucas, we’re competing in pairs again next season, I’m sure she’s told you.”

“Oh, I didn’t know, probably slipped her mind,” You haven’t mentioned it on purpose. Then again, how could you? You haven’t talked in weeks.

Just when he thought this day couldn’t get any worse, he meets your partner, and he’s not ugly,

“She said you couldn’t come because you were busy, did you come to surprise her?”

“Something like that- I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“Okay, well...nice to meet you,” Lucas waves him off but Jungkook doesn’t pay him any mind.

He thought this might go differently, why did he think that? As soon as he saw you, that tug in his heart came back, that desire to be around you came back. When you walked away, it made him feel like crap, you didn’t even want to look at him.

While he’s skating off to the side to leave the rink, he sees you taking off your personal skates and putting them in their bag. Of course, your caddie is right next to where his heavy black boots are. He enters the room opens the caddie with the little pass-code they gave him when he rented the skates. You spare him a glance as you tie your sneakers and he sits to get his shoes on.

“Did you have to ignore me like that?” He decides to speak up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You frown, “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“Since when did you start caring where I go?” He bites back. “You’ve been ghosting me for fucking weeks and suddenly I’m not allowed to go out?”

“I didn’t want to see you...I was doing so good, I was forgetting about you.” You lean back, not giving him eye contact.

”Wow, just what I wanted to hear,” He thought you would say something like that but he didn’t expect you to be so blunt.

“You can’t say you’re surprised, can you?”

“No, but the least you can do is talk to me.”

”Fine, that’s fair. What do you have to say?” You stand to your feet, your bag tight in your hand/

”Believe it or not,” He gets up to lean on the wall behind him, “I love you, so I'm letting you drag me along and make all of the rules but I’m just asking that you communicate with me, I need to know what you want,” He tends to ask this question when he’s most desperate for your good side to emerge.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want? I’m not the one going around making decisions that hurt our relationship, not recently anyway.” You throw a jab at him, you couldn’t contain it anymore.

“If you’re trying to make me feel like shit, you’ve succeeded. You’ve been succeeding for weeks now, it’s actually starting to get to me, mentally.” As he says that, an unsuspecting few individuals come in to get there things.

“Can-” You pause and walk over to him to eliminate the awkward distance, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

His spirits brighten a little because at least you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you haven’t even attempted to do that until now. So when he stutters out an “okay”, his feet move as soon as yours do. He’s walking right next to you and you find yourself keeping your arms crossed, away from his hands that you would normally be holding. By the time you walk out to the rink, Jimin is still with the kids and Harmony is gone, probably in the restroom. You find a secluded area near the concession area and take a seat, he does the same right across from you.

“Do you want to break up?”

He puts it out there. He’s never been the one to hesitate, especially when his heart is on the line.

“What do you mean?” You swallow, not expecting to be confronted with that question.

He almost scoffs because you’re having a similar reaction to his reaction to you telling him you wanted to take a break.

“Do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? If this isn’t something you’re willing to do anymore, I need you to tell me so I can grieve in peace...I feel really lost right now.”

“Grieve? I’m not going to die if we break up, Jungkook, and I never said I wanted to break up—I never said I didn’t love you either. That’s not what this is about, it’s not about whether we love each anymore, it’s about trust.”

“How can I gain your trust?”

You look around, making sure no one is listening in on you two before mumbling out your answer. “I don’t know...I just don’t trust you, I can’t tell you how to make it up to me because people who screw me over, I normally stay as far away from them as I can.”

All you can think about is the lies from your birth-mother, the betrayal and humiliation that came over you when you found out about your ex. Situations like that always come to mind when the subject of trust is mentioned. You’ve been hurt and Jungkook knows that, he knows when you feel like you can’t trust someone, you shut down. You want nothing to do with that person, your pain blinds you—its your character flaw.

“You’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now,” You mumble, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, a look of disbelief that turns into an understandable shrug of his shoulders.

“I’ve always thought of you as someone I didn’t deserve, you know that,” He glances down at his twiddling fingers, “when we got together, you changed me and I’m so grateful for that...I was such a shitty person before I met you- I mean, I’m sure you think I’m shitty now but I was way worse.” It surprises you when you see tears welling at his eyes that he quickly wipes away, tattooed fingers getting a bit wet.

“Jungkook,” You lay a hand over his with sympathetic eyes, “I still love you.”

“Seriously?” He glances up at you, surprised.

“Yes...You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and I’m not over it...But I never forget those times where I made life difficult for you, you never made me feel irredeemable. No matter how awful I acted, you never made me feel like a burden. That’s more than I can say about a lot of people in my life.”

The more you talk this out with him, the more you realize how harshly you’ve been treating him. It doesn’t change how you feel about your relationship, but it does open your eyes to the standard you’ve been holding him to. You don’t know if you’re ready to start again.

“Well, I have to be honest with you,” He looks at you through his dirty blonde locks, “it still hurts like hell to have you treat me like a stranger. That shit is painful, even for me.”

“I’m sorry,” You murmur out an apology before you can really think about it, “I’m just upset at you is all...” Slowly, you take your hand off of his and your eyes wander back to his dear-like eyes.

“Everyone’s telling me I should let you go but I don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re willing to wait for me, and to work on yourself...”

“I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever it takes for us,”

Shortly after that day, you found yourself thinking more and more about your future. It made you cringe at one point, what were you planning to do with the rest of your life? Whatever you planned to do, you always imagined Jungkook would be by your side. Now, you’re coming to terms with the fact that things may not go as planned.

“Y/n, are you ready?” Lucas calls your name from outside of the dressing room.

”What are you doing in here? This is the woman’s locker room,” You open the door, now fully dressed in your new leotard.

”We’re the only ones here,” Lucas stands with a matching outfit, far less sparkly as yours.

”Why does she always pick these leotards for me? You always get the toned down looks-” You walk over to the mirror, furrowing your brows, “Oh, actually, this one is kinda nice.”

“She knows you’re the most dramatic out of the two of us, maybe that’s why,” He shrugs his shoulders before quickly running back out into the ballet studio. Your least favorite part of your career is the ballet lessons, it’s the most grueling.

“Come on out, Y/n, we only have the studio for the morning so we need to use our time wisely.”

“Sorry,” You walk out with an urgency, “the costume fits okay, a little snug but it’s doable.”

Coach gives you a knowing look, she’s been floating the idea of a diet around. As committed as you are to your craft, dieting is one thing you don’t think you need to do well. You try to stay fit but sometimes you’re more concerned about your dwindling love life than you dress size. The ballet instructor emerges from around the corner and you cringe, the next few hours are about to be painful.

Yet, as the class progresses, your thoughts drift farther from the positions and you find yourself zoning out completely.

At one point in time, you couldn’t imagine being without Jungkook. Out of all of the people who’ve come and gone out of your life, he stayed. He became your best friend and your first love.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, please, just let me go home,” You sat on the hotel room floor, hair pin in your hands and a painfully cold ice bag on your ankle, “...I can’t go back out there.”

She stands with crossed arms, her unchanging expression not doing anything for your emotional state.”Y/n, you are a professional, and do you know what professionals do?”

”No.”

“They finish the competition, no matter what. You need to stay for the judging, “

“Why? I fell on my biggest jump on live television. Cindy. I look like an amateur...There’s no way in hell they’ll even consider placing me. That means I’m done for, I might as well kiss nationals goodbye.”

”That was the last program, you still have a chance-“

”Not after Charlotte’s routine! You said it yourself, I had to be flawless or Charlotte would take my spot in the qualifying team, there was no room for error. This is the one time it had to be perfect...” You use the bed to help you up and you sit down n the edge of it.

”It won’t be perfect every time. You work harder than any girl I know, and not just in this sport, you work hard at whatever you do and you support yourself, you’re the only girl I know who’s parents aren’t paying for you to be here. You deserve to be here, you made one mistake, one. It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Cindy takes a seat beside you, a comforting hand going to your shoulder, “these things happen.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm down and think rationally. Cindy is trying her best to talk you off of the ledge but you’re very much still there. She says you work so hard, but what do you have to show for it? You’re doing this alone a majority of the time. Your family only comes to support you sometimes, they don’t have a lot of free time to spend on your hobby. Your iceskating is a glorified hobby to them, they won’t say it but it’s true. After they told you to pick a major and find a good paying 9-5, they stopped paying for your iceskating. They’re paying for school but that’s it, you’re supporting yourself in every other aspect. That gave you all the reason to try to prove to them that you were an exceptional athlete. To prove to them that you did it all on your own, that’s your only goal. Yet, the more you reach for that, the farther you get from it.

”Listen, I need to check on the other girls, alright? I hope you reconsider.” She pecks your forehead, a motherly affection that you’ve come to appreciate from her. She is like a mom in some ways. She cares for the entire team, and she would never say it, but she has a particular soft spot for you. She can see how much you want this, how the ice can take you to a different place.

You were meant to do this, she always tells you that. She saw the fire in you as soon as she accepted you on her team. Your passion attracted her to you, you never stopped, you had so much drive. Some people are meant to fight tooth and nail for what they want, sometimes you have to ask yourself, why do I have be one of those people?

Ignoring your better judgment, you packed your bags and took the 2-hour drive back to your apartment. All while you were fleeing the city to seek refuge at home, you received multiple phone calls from Jungkook but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. When you got home, you took off your tracksuit and sank face first into your coach.

As much as you wanted Jungkook to come to the competition, you insisted that he stay and take that job. He hasn’t been boxing as much so any extra art job he can take, you encourage him to take it. He told you he’d streamed the competition while working on the mural at a nearby bar. His heart sank when you took that fall. You put hours of practice into that routine and perfected it, he had seen you do it flawlessly several times.

All he wanted to do was hug you and tell you that you did well but all he could do was hope that you weren’t beating yourself up. He could only imagine how devastated you were and to not be able to be there for you, he couldn’t stand it. He finished up the mural and you had finally texted him saying, ‘I came home early.’ He went straight to your apartment with the big pink bunny he bought for you, you need it even more now.

”Hey, it’s me,” He opened the front door and announced himself softly and walks further inside.

The television barely illuminates the living room but he sees you laying on the couch. He sits the bunny down behind the couch so you can’t see them before walking around to greet you in your depressing state.

“I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow, baby,” He rests a hand on thigh and kisses your cheek, “you must’ve known how much I was missing you,” His attempt to make you smile goes painfully unnoticed.

He bites at his bottom lip in thought. “Did something happen?...”

You swallow the lump in your throat and finally look him in the eyes, “Did you watch my second program?”

“I did, you looked beautiful-”

“I’m quitting.”

He turns his whole body to you, brows deeply furrowed like a cartoon character. “What?”

You cover your face with a pillow, successfully hiding your tears, “I’m calling Cindy to tell her I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit.”

“Woah, wait, why?” He takes the pillow from you to see your face, “Y/n, calm down, what’s going on? Tell me what happened.”

“I- I didn’t make the national team, that was my only chance until next year. All my hard work went down the drain and everyone saw me screw up..” You wipe your tears with your sleeve.

“Hey, it’s okay, you cry if you need to,” He pulls you into a hug, cradling your head to his chest, “I know this is tough for you but it’s not the end of the world, it’ll get better.”

You pull away from him as if he were suddenly hot to the touch and bury your face into the arm of the couch. “You wouldn’t understand, the pique of my career was riding on this, and I blew it. It feels like the end of my world, okay?”

You know your words are muffled by the couch, that’s probably for the better anyway. “T- that’s just how I feel...”

He doesn’t pry any further after that. He knows there’s not much he can say to change your mind right now. Instead, he scoots closer to your side and places a comforting hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as he waits for you to continue.

“I have nothing if I lose this, there’s all this pressure on my shoulders and its tearing me apart...” You turn to wipe your face and sit up. “I love skating, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do...if I stop, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

You’ll never forget that night.

He lifted you into his lap and kept his arms tight around you. “You’re so much more than just your skating. You’re so good at but it’s not all that you are.” Jungkook has a way of talking you off of the edge but that night, you were especially down on yourself.

“Yes it is...”

“No it’s not,” He sighs, “look, I know what it feels like to find your identity in something and then all of a sudden, that something is gone...When my portfolio got rejected, I felt like a failure. My family never got behind the boxing thing, so I’ve always tried to find another way to support myself just in case for whatever reason it doesn’t work out...I didn’t start realizing that until recently. I’m constantly torn between giving up one dream for the other but I want to do both, you actually inspire me to do both.” You furrow your brows, briefly abandoning your own issues to listen to him.

“You work so hard and you’re showing your family that you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself, and you know what? You’re doing amazing. Tonight was just a bad night, it happens.” He squeezes you tight and you do the same, arms fastened around his neck as if it would kill you to let go.

You didn’t need to say anything after that. You settled your mind and you were no longer at the edge, you were still close, but not there. With your head resting over his shoulder, you try to peek over the couch to see what he dropped back there when he walked in.

“Hey, what’d you think you’re doing?” Jungkook leans forward and your grip around him is loosened so you can no longer look back there. “You think I got something for you?”

You look down a bit embarrassed that he caught you, “Well, yeah...you did, didn’t you?” You smile for the first time tonight and he breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.

He was going to tease you for wanting your gifts even though you just had a meltdown. But how could he? He wants to keep this smile on your face for as long as possible.

“Sit,” He lifts you off his lip and back to your previous seat on the couch, “no peeking.”

You hold your hands over your eyes, excited even thought have no idea what it might be.

“Okay, open.”

When you move your hands to see you squeal in excitement. “Oh, Jungkook! It’s so cute!” You stand up to take the pink bunny that’s almost more than half your size. “Thank you,” You lean into him with the bunny between you two, “it’s so big and soft, like you.”

“Yeah I know,” He sways from side-to-side with you in his arms, “you feeling better?”

You muffle your sigh into the stuffed animal, “I still wanna quit.”

“Oh stop,” He pulls the from your grip and tosses it onto the couch, “you’re just being bratty now,”

“No I’m not,” You whine, the issue still very fresh, “I’m still sad...I just really like my gift and I’m happy to see you...But I am still upset.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” He lays on the couch and beckons you into his arms to lay on his chest, “let’s cuddle you until you feel better then, will that help?”

“Maybe...”

You’d be lying if you said you could live without that side of him.

A few days later, you’re surprised you hadn’t heard from him. But when you get back from the gym with a missed call from him and a solemn text to ‘call back when you can’, you actually call him back.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothings wrong. Thank you for calling me back.”

His voice sounds relaxed but a bit anxious.

“Did you need something?” You sigh, pouring your boiling water in your mug.

“Are you free to go with me somewhere at 11? And then maybe, we could grab dinner? Just-...Don’t be mad, please.”

Anxiety bubbles in your chest.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I signed us up for couples therapy.”

“You did what?” Somewhere in your mind, you had wanted him to bring this up—you never imagined that he actually would.

”You said we don’t know how to work on ourselves together, I read that therapy helps with that. Will you go with me? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again I swear.”

“Jungkook...I appreciate the effort, I really do, but how did you find this therapist? Do you trust them?”

”Of course. He has great reviews online and my-...Well, my mom found him actually.”

You pause, a bit taken aback. He talked to his mom about your relationship and he took her advice about seeing a therapist? He must have really taken your words to heart about getting help.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20.”

When he picked you up, you were reminded just how well he could clean up. Sure, he always dresses so well and smells amazing, but he’s different today—you can tell he put in a lot of effort. You’re glad you decided to do your makeup and where a nice sundress, you would have felt terribly under-dressed.

“Hi, how can I help you?

“Hi, we have an appointment for Jeon at 5, with Seojoon.”

You stand next to Jungkook at the front desk, your hands tightly clutching your purse. It’s hard to not think the woman is judging you and Jungkook for being here. She’s probably seen hundreds of people come into this office but something in you can’t shake the feeling. She directs you two to the waiting room and says he’ll come get you two in a few minutes.

“So,” You begin, glancing at Jungkook, “I’m nervous...”

“Me too.” This is new for the both of you. In only a few seconds, who you assume to be Seojoon emerges from the hallway and you look at him a bit wide-eyed.

“Hi, Jungkook, Y/n, are you two ready?”

“Oh, um, yes.” You stand up in sync with Jungkook, already wanting to run out of here but you resist.

You have to admit that the office is really nice, not stiff and sterile looking, the energy is very calming. Seojoon opens the door to a cozy-looking room with tons of natural sun light. There’s warm-rose colored couch that you assume is for ‘the couple.’

“Alright, you can take a seat right there, make yourselves comfortable.” He smiles, taking a seat and you two do the same.

“So let’s get right into it. What brought you two here today? If you could both tell me your separate answers, that would be great.” Despite Seojoon looking at you directly to presumably go first, you divert your eyes and look at Jungkook to say something first.

“Well, we’re- I think we’re going through a lot right now and I just want to save our relationship.” Jungkook sits back, resting against the arm of the couch as he gazes at you to give your answer.

“What about you, Y/n?”

You glance down at your lap, feeling very out of your comfort zone and not confident enough to verbalize what you would like to say. Alas, you try.

“I feel the same way, we’re not in a good place and I’m confused about what to do-...I just want what we used to have.” You confess a bit of your true feelings but ignore the longing look Jungkook gives you.

“When did you start feeling like the relationship was changing?”

“Fairly recently. We were fine, at least I thought we were until I saw him with another girl back in an old lifestyle that I thought he gave up...”

Seojoon diverts his attention away from you and to Jungkook. “Jungkook, do you want to share a little bit about that?”

“Not really,” He answers honestly at least.

“Why not?”

“To be honest, I don’t know why she keeps throwing the same jab at me. I’ve told her the truth but she doesn’t want to hear it. I went out that night,” He almost glares at you, “I didn’t plan to. I ran into an old friend and I just-...I thought it was harmless and I got caught up...”

Seojoon scribbles something down. “Okay, so can you fill me in a little bit. Are we talking about unfaithfulness? Addiction?”

“Unfaithfulness,” You interject. “he said he didn’t cheat on me but...” You mumble, your confidence faltering for some reason. “It’s hard to believe that.”

“But you think he did so you have some distrust. Were you unfaithful, Jungkook?”

“It doesn’t matter if I say I did or I didn’t, she thinks I did.” He shrugs.

”Y/n,” Seojoon puts an end to the death stare you had on Jungkook, “can you tell Jungkook what cheating looks like to you?”

”Not sleeping with her doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me. Letting her put her hands on you- And I don’t care if it was just a kiss! You shouldn’t have been in that situation, and for me to have to see it on social media? I could have killed you I was so mad. You should ask Jungkook what cheating is to him. We obviously have different standards for defining it...”

”What does cheating look like to you, Jungkook?” He heeds your suggestion without any push-back.

”To me,” He hesitates, feeling a bit scrutinized, “it’s when a person violates the intimacy of the relationship by giving it to someone else.”

“What kind of intimacy?”

“Emotional, physical, every kind,” He turns to you, “I wouldn’t do thingst that I do with Y/n with anyone else, not by choice-”

“Yes you would! You did...Are you trying to tell me that you were assaulted? That she forced her way on you?”

“I was blitzed! I don’t fucking know. All I do know is that she got on top of me and I pushed her off. That’s it. I swear, if anything else happened, I don’t remember it.”

“I don’t care. You know what I’ve been through, to even allow another girl to even get close to touching you like that...It was a slap in the face.”

Seojoon’s ears perk up at the mention of your past. “Did you have to go through a similar situation in a previous relationship?”

“Yes and he knows this. I was being cheated on before and the guy had a literal baby on the way throughout our entire relationship...It was traumatizing.” It stings his ears to hear you say that. But it’s true, he knows your past and he didn’t let it stop him.

“What happened must have triggered you,” You nod to yourself, “but you’re here to try to work through forgiveness and build trust. If you two are comfortable with it, I’d like you do do two exercises; one here and one when you’re alone. The first one that you’ll do here, I need you to face each other, preferably close, and I have some questions for you two to ask each other.”

“Like this?” Jungkook answers instantly and turns to you, getting closer to you than he has in weeks. You face him slowly, eyes wavering a bit. His face has always been a soft-spot for you, staring at him makes you feel weak.

“Actually,” Seojoon stands up, gesturing for you to do the same, “two chairs might be more comfortable, yeah? Let’s go to my other room.”

You follow Seojoon to a small room with three chairs a small table in front of them. Jungkooks pulls seat out so they’re facing each other. When you look up to acknowledge him with deliberate eye-contact, for a moment he thinks you might be softening.

“I want you all to start with ‘I’ statements, tell your partner how you feel or how you felt in this case. Try to maintain eye-contact and truly listen to each other.”

“I’ll go first,” You volunteer because you want to get this over with.

“I feel alone and helpless when you go back to your old habits, I feel like you’re hiding things from me...” You find a way to keep your eyes-locked to his.

“I’m not asking you to be perfect but I just want you to make me feel special to you...Like you wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Because I don’t think of loving anyone else, and trust me I’ve tried to imagine it but I can’t,” You bite your cheek to keep from crying, “you make it so hard to trust you. You don’t listen and you don’t change until it’s too late.”

Being emotionally inept is something you are both too good at. It’s difficult for you to share your true feelings with a clear mind, but when you do, you can never guess what will happen next.

“I feel trapped by you. I know I fucked everything up, okay? You don’t have to keep reminding me.” His tone is harsher than you anticipated.

“I’m trying to put in the fucking effort to help us, and I’m giving you time. But when you tell me you still want me but you won’t even let me come around, it’s confusing. You’re confusing, that’s just how I feel.” His brows furrow and you notice Seojoon watches the exchange intently.

“But I miss you and I want you back, I don’t want to take a break,” He leans forward with his hands firmly gripping your knees over your dress, “I know you think I’m an asshole but I try to change, I’m trying, you know I wouldn't bring you to this if I could think of any other way to prove that to you.” The strain in his voice only stirs more emotions inside of you.

“Jungkook,” Seojoon calls his name softly and Jungkook looks over as if he forgot he was there, “try not to engage in any physical, okay? It can be overwhelming.”

“Sorry,” He takes his hands from you and sits back, “that’s all I want to say.”

“Alright, well, um,” Seojoon clears his throat, eager to break the tension up a little bit, “unfortunately our session is up but I want to give you two a list of exercises and talking points. I know this was a consultation appointment but I want to give you some things to work on at home. I’ll have Kelly type up your homework, alright?”

“Okay, thank you,” you both thank the therapist but you get up with an urgency and leave the room before Jungkook can follow you. When you make it out to the waiting room, you spot the bathroom and you bolt to it. Before you have to spend a car ride with him, you need to get your emotions together.

“Mr. Jeon,” The receptionist calls him from the hall, “this is for you, you can bring it back to the next appointment for a discount.” Jungkook halfheartedly thanks her before going to the car. He doesn’t even know if there will be another session. He needs to smoke before you come out and you’ll freak if he smokes while you’re in the car.

“Why did I come here...” You look at the mirror and frown, you look so rough. It was nice to get everything out in the open but you knew he’d get intense eventually. Only when the toilet flushed did you remember that there were multiple stalls in here. When you look away from the mirror to fumble through your purse, just trying to avoid talking to her.

”Hi, how are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“Oh god, nervous, I’m nervous. Me and my husband, we’re newly weds, our appointment is in five minutes and I really don’t know what to expect. Did you have an appointment with your partner?”

“I did,” You sigh, “it was-...It was fine, don’t be nervous.” In your attempt to comfort her, you find your self in a highly hypocritical position. “Me and my boyfriend, we’re different so ours was a little- A little chaotic but I think it helped a little,” You hesitate, “I don’t know.”

“That makes me feel a little better, hopefully my husband behaves himself,” She tosses her wavy brown hair over her shoulder and smiles, “well, it was nice meeting you.”

It takes you a moment but you gather the strength to wave goodbye and go face your boyfriend.

”Excuse me, Miss, I think your husband forgot to grab this.” The receptionist waves you over and hands you a little folder.

”Oh,” You try to hide the blush forming on your cheeks. he’s not my- We’re not married.”

”Oh, I’m sorry! He only put his last name on the appointment so I thought it was your name as well. Sorry about that, have a great rest of your day.” She bids you farewell with a flustered smile.

When you walk outside, you see Jungkook leaning against the car. You thought he might’ve been smoking but you can’t detect any small. That’s a relief.

”You feeling okay?” He questions gently.

You nod, hopping in the car with the desire to be home already. He gets in the car and glances at you from the corner of his eye, he worries that this might have been too much for you.

“Where do you want to eat?”

“There’s a ramen place down the street, that’s fine with me.” You suggest, eyes trained on your phone.

The air in the car isn’t tense or stiff, its just quiet. There’s a lot to unpack from the session and you figured Jungkook was thinking through it too. That’s why when you two arrived at the ramen shop, took your seats, and placed your orders, the silence was getting to be a bit too awkward for you.

“I like the new hair, you’ve never gone this blonde before,” You glance up at him, trying to start a conversation, “it looks good.”

“Thanks, it was an impulsive thing. I heard you decided to get back into pairs,” He brings the coke to his lips, “I was surprised to hear that.”

“Oh, yeah,” You figured he would find out soon, “I’m back with Lucas for the season.”

“Good for you,” That’s not a reaction you were expecting from anti-pairs-skating Jungkook. Then again, you know him well enough to know that he’s probably keeping his true opinion to himself.

“The receptionist gave this to me,” You pull the paper out of your purse and show it to him, “I think it has additional information.”

“Let me see,” You hand it to him, “hm, soul-gazing? What the hell is that...” He reads over the description and it makes him giggle. “Nonverbal communication between lovers, allows couples to explore intimate places in the relationship. We do this already, but it’s a little more than eye contact,” He recalls those dreamy moments that he used to share with you so often, gazing at you with a smile.

“We can try that later maybe,” You avoid his smile with a glance out the window.

“Okay. So, about the session today, I hope you understood where I was coming from...I didn’t expect to say all that, I’m sorry if it was too much.”

“Don’t apologize, I wanted to hear how you felt.”

“I’m sorry,” He extends a hand out on the table, hoping you’ll take it, “I’ve thought about what I’ve done and I’ve tried to repent for it. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But just tell this once, you miss us, don’t you?”

“I do, Jungkook...It’s just, I’m in a tough spot and I don’t- I don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself.”

“You’re talking about your friends or your family?” He frowns at the thought of either party trying to discourage you.

“My family doesn’t know anything about this, it’s my friends who are concerned for me. They saw me get hurt and they don’t want to see it happen again, they want me to be happy.”

“Don’t listen to them, all they do is talk shit about me and try to tell you what you need. The only people who have a say in this relationship is you and me. We choose what makes us happy, not them.”

“But I’m not happy,” And it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being judged, “I’ve actually been depressed when I think about us, when I think about what we used to have and what we have now, how did this happen?”

“I’m sorry I did this to you,” He sighs when you finally reach out to take his hand, “I never mean to hurt you,”

“I want you back so bad sometimes,” You break, letting your true feelings out to him, “but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should, it’s always been hard for me to separate the two.”

“That never stopped you before,” He flashes that smile, the one you fell so hard for on the roof of his car.

“Now look where I’m at,” You take your hand back, “going to therapy with you.”

Jungkook took you home and sunset had passed, it was already dark. You found yourself inviting him in, hugging him longer than you should have when he was on his way out. Why were you holding on to him so tight? His bomber jacket lands on the floor and you relish in his arms, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it won’t hurt to let him in, indulge. It doesn’t take long before you let him kiss you for the first time in weeks. It feels new, it can happen a thousand times and it’ll always feel new.

But then your phone begins to ring and reality washes over you like a cold shower.

“Wait,” You pull away from the kiss and slide off of the counter to his dismay, “I need to get that-”

“Ignore it,” Jungkook cups your jaw, trying to persuade you with longing eyes, “please ignore it-”

“I can’t, it’s my mom, something might be wrong,” You quickly answer the phone and walk into the living room. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, is something wrong?”

“You forgot, didn’t you? Your brother Leo, you were supposed to pick him up so he could stay with you for the night. me and your dad had to take Milo to his Taekwondo tournament for the weekend.” Your mother stresses over the phone.

“I’m so sorry! Mom, seriously, I totally forgot,” This is the worst possible timing, “doesn’t Leo have his license, he can drive here, can’t he?”

“We have the car. Don’t worry about it, it’s handled now, his friend came by and he’s staying with him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that crossed my mind,” You can’t help but feel as if you’ve disappointed her by forgetting such a simple thing, “I’ve been busy, I’m prepping for the next season, I’m working and in school, it’s a lot right now-”

The conversation ends with a cold lecture from her and a solemn goodbye when she hangs up. You massage your temples, and look at Jungkook who’s coping with the best part of his day being ruined by a phone call.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot to pick up my brother, my mom asked if he could crash here but I forgot all about it..”

“When have any of your siblings actually visited you? Except for your sister when she needs a babysitter.” Jungkook always sports a defensive tone when your family comes into the conversation.

“He’s only come over a few times. But he has friends who live over here so that’s normally why,” You take a deep breath. “She sounded frustrated so I know she’s upset.”

”Don’t stress about that,” He comes in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “your mom shouldn’t beat you up about that, especially since she knows how much you have on your plate.” He smooths down your hair and kisses your forehead gently. That innocent forehead kiss quickly migrated down to your neck and you bite your tongue.

”Jungkook, please,” You get out of his embrace and leave him longing.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? I know you, this isn’t like you. You push me away but never for this long,” He follows you to your bedroom where you kick off your shoes and take off you cardigan. ”If you’re serious about making this work again, you’ve gotta help me out a little here.”

You feel him looming behind you, so close that you feel the warmth of him on your lower-back, or is that his hand?

“You’re here, aren’t you? I’m being really nice right now,” You step away from him, “but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?” He feigns ignorance.

“If that’s what you were hoping for you should just go,” You pick up his jacket and hand it to him, “it’s not happening.”

“Ok, but do you mind if I stay the night?”

You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, debating whether or not that’s a good idea.

“Why? It’s not even that late yet.”

“I don’t want to make the drive home, I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” He pleads, those big round eyes helping his case immensely.

“Fine. But you’re on the couch,” He looks a bit disappointed but he was expecting that, “I’m gonna shower, you can wait for me or use the guest bathroom if you want.”

With that, you walk off into your bedroom to get your clothes and then into the bathroom in the hall. Though you hesitated to let him stay, it’s really not a big deal now that you think of it. He’s stayed over more times than you can count so you feel no need to punish him by saying no.

Baby steps.

Jungkook falls into the couch, relieved and anxious—but mostly relieved. He was sure you were going to throw him out. When he hears the shower turn on, he begins to wonder what you might be thinking about, do you want him the way he wants you right now? If so, you’re hiding it pretty well. Just being in your home makes him feel comfortable and happy, that and your presence. You’ll be a while in the shower so he figures a few moments of relaxation on the balcony won’t hurt.

When you step out of the steamy bathroom, you hug your robe tightly to your body. Curious to see what he’s doing you peek out of the hall and see him on the balcony, shirt nowhere to be seen and smoke wafting from the little stick in his finger. Jungkook has always been a temptation, a forbidden fruit so to speak. You had one bite, and that’s all it took.

It’s a warm night, that’s probably why he’s showing all of the neighbors his tattooed glory, you giggle to your self at the thought. You run to your room to slip a t-shirt and shorts on so you can join him, you can indulge him in conversation at least.

“Hey, I was going to get a snack,” You open the sliding door and he looks back at you as he exhales a a cloud, “are you hungry?”

“I’m okay,” He puts it out in the ashtray, “thanks,”

“You didn’t have to put it out for me,” You step onto the patio and close the door behind you.

“I was done anyway,” He says that but he clearly wasn’t, he’s just being sweet, “how was your shower?”

“Good,” You sit beside him, “you can go ahead and shower if you want to, you know where your clothes are.”

“I will in a minute,” He looks out, enjoying the view of the city, “it’s beautiful out here...”

“Yeah,” You smile, reminiscing on the many moments you two have shared together on the balcony.

“So,” Jungkook sighs, probably reminiscing on the same thing, “do you want to do that exercise?...”

“Exercise?- Oh, the eye-contact thing, we can...” You turn to him and he does the same, “so, do we-”

“Shh,” He holds a finger to his lips, “we’re not supposed to talk,”

You swallow, eyes locked on his and his on yours. His eyes are so dreamy and mesmerizing, they always have been. This eye-contact is giving you a great excuse to analyze his face. The little mole under his lip, his cute nose and cheeks—you’re trying not to look at his body but it’s hard to do that right now.

He’s doing the same thing to you. Your eyes, nose, lips, he’s just taking it all in as if your a sculpture at a museum. Looking at each other like this reminds you both to see each other, to really see the human you both decided to love.

“Jungkook,” You know you’re not supposed to talk, “don’t cry...” You thumb the tears away from his cheeks, your motherly habits kicking in.

“Shit,” He wipes his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” He’s so emotional, it’s more endearing than anything.

You cup his jaw and kiss the apple of his cheek, then his lips. His hands are almost shaky when he reaches up to hold your face, you lead his hand to your face to let him know that you don’t mind.

“I love you too,” You breath, your head in the nape of his neck, “but I can’t do this, I shouldn’t...”

Once you realize you’re no longer in your own chair but in his, it’s too late to pretend you’re not equally as desperate. It escalates and the best and worst happens.

#quarters #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bts x you #jimin angst #jimin fluff #jungkook boxer!au #jungkook au #jungkook ice skatin #I don't know what this ending is lol

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walkerismychoice · 3 years

Text

Queen of My Heart - Chapter 36

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake X MC, Liam X Olivia, Hana X OC Lydia

Rating: NSFW (I didn’t intend it but it just happened

Summary: Liam finally clears the air with Constantine, and we go to the Fire and Ice Ball at Lythikos, the final social season even before Liam chooses his future Queen.

A/N: Umm, I don’t even want to know how many years it’s been since I updated, but it is with the encouragement of you readers that I was compelled to finish. My tag list is probably way outdated and I’m sure I’ve missed some poeple who’ve asked to be tagged along the way. Feel free to let me know either way if you want to be tagged or removed from the list.

Tag List: @khakie4 @dreadpirateemma @ritachacha @blackcoffee85 @choices-fanatic @boneandfur @butindeed @simplyaiden-blog @bobasheebaby @traeumerinsworld @theroyalweisme @umccall71 @lizeboredom @debramcg1106 @enmchoices @jadedpixiescribbles @withice @viktoriapetit @mfackenthal @drakesfiance @drakelover78 @speedyoperarascalparty @silviasutton1989 @krisnicjack @devineinterventions2 @choiceswreckedme @notoriouscs @blackcatkita @hamalu @akrenich @drakewalkerfantasy @jamielea81 @andy-loves-corgis @jlouise88 @jovialyouthmusic @sleepwalkingelite @i-miss-trr @dragonball-luver @gkittylove99 @lovingchoices14

Word Count: 2861

Queen of My Heart Chapter Index

“Hello, Father.” Liam greeted Constantine as he walked into the hospital room. He noted the King's color was back to normal and he seemed in good spirits.

"My son, I knew you'd come!" Constantine reached towards Liam with arms outstretched.

Liam just shook his head and held up a hand to stop him. "This is not that kind of visit. I'm here because I know... I know everything."

"What-" Constantine choked out before a coughing fit ensued.

Liam fought the instinctual urge to comfort his father. "Enough with the theatrics. I know about Madeleine...about you threatening the show if they didn't help her win...as if me choosing the woman I plan to spend my life with is some political game to be won."

"How did you find out? I gave strict orders that my demands were confidential."

Liam scoffed. "Seriously? I just told you I found out you tried to have the producers manipulate me into marrying a woman I don't love, and that's all you had to say for yourself?"

"You have to understand," Constantine pleaded. "Madeleine is what's best for Cordonia, and what's best for Cordonia is what's best for you."

"Unbelievable!" Liam felt the anger rising in his chest like a simmering pot ready to boil over. "You may have told yourself that to feel better about choosing your commitments to Cordonia over happiness, love, family... Maybe you’ve lied to yourself for so long you’ve actually started to believe it, but it's one hundred percent bullshit. I know I'll be a more effective leader if I get to choose the woman I want by my side, and that woman is Olivia."

Constantine's jaw dropped and there was a long pause before he gained his composure to protest. "Absolutely not. You know her family's history. I'd rather have you on the same page as me, but I am still King-"

"Save your breath," Liam shut him down. "You should know that your perfect candidate Madeleine has displayed some behavior quite unbecoming of a future queen, and it is all on film. I know Cordonians are generally flexible with their views on monogamy, but I don't think Madeleine sleeping with the host of the show while she's trying to compete for my affection will look good in anyone's eyes. She has been eliminated from the show and is no longer in the running. That leaves only Riley aside from Olivia, and I know you know what's going on there."

Constantine's face fell momentarily in resignation, but then he perked back up again. "Well, then you can bring back someone else. Kiara is quite lovely and is fit to play the part."

"Enough!" Liam practically shouted much too loud for the thin hospital walls. "Not that I owe you an explanation, but Olivia is stronger, smarter, and more capable of ruling a country than anyone you could hope to pair with me. You seem to forget that I am the son who stuck by you and am now the rightful and only heir to the throne. Your reign is coming to an end, and you have no choice but to accept my decision."

Unexpectedly, Constantine's demeanor changed, a sly grin creeping across his face. "My boy, I've always been a bit worried you were too soft to be king. However, seeing you stand up for yourself today gives me hope. I still don't approve of your choice, but I will no longer stand in your way."

Liam shook his head and let out an incredulous laugh, reeling from Constantine’s sudden change of course. "Bastien will take you back to the palace. We can talk more when I know it's not just the medicine that's gotten to your head."

-----

“Well, this place certainly explains a lot about Olivia.” Riley mused aloud as she scanned the ballroom. Ornate floor to ceiling windows with deep alcoves were surrounded by walls with intricate, gilded accents leading up to a hand-painted ceiling measuring at least 3 stories high. The grandeur of the space was both intimidating and beautiful at the same time, much like its owner.

“Has she shown you all the toys in her armory yet? That too says a lot about Olivia," Drake chuckled at his own joke.

Riley laughed along. “No, but she does constantly remind me she keeps a dagger hidden under her skirt. Are you sure Liam knows what he’s in for?”

"Heh. Better him than me, that's for sure. Liam's warm and fuzzy exterior can make him seem like a pushover, but he can hold his own when it matters. Olivia needs someone who can roll with her mood swings but still call her on her bullshit when needed."

"You know, I admit I had a little trouble wrapping my brain around Liam choosing Olivia, but when you put it that way, it makes sense. Now I suppose I need to find Kat so I can figure out if I need to dance with Liam or something. Ugh, I cannot wait until all these balls are over.

Drake almost doubled over laughing. "Oh, Bennett, I hate to break it to you, but this shit never ends. Next will be the coronation, then some charity gala, Liam's wedding...the list goes on. Welcome to your life as a noble woman."

Riley stared ahead blankly as a giant wave of realization washed over her. It was all so much, so fast. She'd never had time to think past the next day to consider this was all ending soon, and then what? Did she stay with her new-found family and live this life that was still foreign to her in so many ways? What about her life in New York? Sure, she didn't have much going on at the moment, but she still had her aunt Susan and best friend Sarah along with some good friends at work like Daniel. Becoming a therapist was still one of her goals, at least it was until the day she left for Cordonia. Now everything was so unclear, and she could hardly breathe.

Drake must have noticed her face looking some kind of way because he placed a hand on the small of her back and guided her to an open doorway to a nearby balcony. "Why don't we get you some air before you go off and do your thing for the show?"

Once outside and around the corner of the wraparound balcony, Drake pulled Riley into his chest, holding her securely, and she was almost instantly calmed. All the what-ifs fell away, and it was just them. All she needed was the be with him, wherever that turned out to be, and everything else would fall into place.

But what if Drake didn't quite feel the same? They'd been talking as if they'd be together indefinitely, but in reality, they'd only known each other two months. The anxious fluttering in her chest started up again.

Drake pulled back to look her in the eyes. "Riley, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. You know, we're both still half American. We can move back to the states....or uh, I mean you can move back to the states if that's what you want." His eyes darted bashfully to the ground.

Riley's face lit up, the nervous thumping in her chest giving way to excited butterflies. "I like the sound of 'we' better if that's what you really meant. You'd really move back to the U.S. with me? I mean I've hardly had the chance to think about what I want, so that may be irrelevant, but you seriously see a future with me?"

"I do." Drake smiled earnestly. "I'm sure anyone who knows me will think I've gone mad, but whether it means being in New York City and putting up with cramped apartments and way too many people, living a quieter, simple life in Texas, or stealing moments away at dreadful Cordonian events such as this, I know we can make our own happiness...together."

"Wow, the Drake Walker I met two months ago would not believe what's coming out of your mouth right now." Riley touched the back of her hand to Drake's forehead in jest. "Are you sure you aren't running a fever?"

"Haha, very funny." Drake swiftly but gently pushed Riley back again the stone wall. "I'm not feeling ill, but I know how to make your temperature rise.

"You pushing me against duchy walls is becoming a thing, huh? Must have really enjoyed the almost public sex last time."

"Possibly," Drake teased as he slipped his hand through the side-slit in her icy-blue gown, gently gliding his fingers up her thigh. Riley braced herself as Drake neared the place she wanted him the most. Goosebumps gave way to a burning need before she remembered where they were.

"Wait." She pushed a hand against his chest. "We're not exactly alone here, and we've gone to such lengths to keep this under wraps. Someone could walk out here at any moment."

Drake shrugged. "I know it may be a bit reckless, but honestly at this point, I don't care. I just want you."

Riley opened her mouth to protest but nothing came out before Drake swooped in for a searing kiss. She instantly melted into him, Drake continuing his earlier action and deftly plunging two fingers inside her, his eyes widening slightly in surprise when he noticed there was no fabric barrier to work around. A strangled moan escaped Riley's throat as he stroked the exact spot he knew always left her at his mercy.

Drake pulled back with a satisfied grin. "Do you want me to stop? Just say the word and we'll go back in right now."

Instead of answering, Riley yanked him by the collar and crushed her lips to his. Drake responded by hoisting her up and over to the balcony. He perched her atop the railing, one hand grasped firmly around her waist and the other making quick work of undoing his pants.

Teetering on the narrow ledge two stories high, Riley clamped her hand tightly to the railing on either side of her and Drake noticed. "I've got you Bennett, no need to worry. I won't let anything happen to you. I'm just doing my job after all," he said with a smirk.

She smiled at his reference to what was now an inside joke between them. But all joking aside, he always made her feel safe. She released her grip, flinging her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

Drake eased his cock free and Riley could tell how hard he was just by sight, the skin stretched taught from his perfect proportion of thickness and length. He lifted her dress and she couldn't wait any longer. She pulled him in and he took the invitation to thrust inside her. Even as wet was she was, his size created just the right amount of fullness and friction to take her breath away.

Riley moaned and gasped with each thrust, which in turn seemed to turn Drake on even more. The thrill of being up so high with nothing but him to hold her only added to her excitement and when he began rubbing circles over her clit with his thumb that was all it took to push her figuratively over the edge. She tightened around him everywhere, her orgasm eliciting immense heat and pleasure with every pulse, resulting in Drake picking up his pace until his own release followed shortly thereafter.

Drake carefully set Riley down before putting himself back together. "I'm almost a little disappointed we didn't nearly get caught this time."

"If I don't get back in there immediately, that's still a possibility." Riley had no idea how much time had passed but it was probably more than she thought. "Fuck, Kat is going to be pissed." Riley straightened her skirt and started towards the ballroom door.

"Wait!" Drake puller her in for a quick kiss. "I love you. Just so you don't forget."

Riley rolled her eyes but smiled. "You know you have nothing to worry about. If Liam's charms haven't wooed me yet, I think you’re safe. But I love you too. Now go do your job." She smacked him on the ass before hustling back to the ballroom, Drake following shortly thereafter.

As expected, Kat was frantic when Riley found her. “Where the fuck were you? You were supposed to meet up with me twenty minutes ago?”

Overhearing Riley’s scolding, Olivia smugly sidled up next to them. “I mean, I didn’t mind getting extra time with Liam, but you know Jo and Kat and there ‘ratings’, Olivia said while gesturing with air quotes. She scanned Riley from head to toe and then glanced over to Drake on the perimeter. “Ugh, I can tell you exactly what, or rather who she was doing. Gross. I guess that just makes my position more secure, but really, couldn’t you have waited until after my ball to fuck him?”

Riley sheepishly smoothed her hair and adjusted her dress. “I just needed some air, that’s all. I was having a moment.”

Olivia scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Whatever you want to call it. Although I still cannot fathom why you chose Drake, I suppose I should be a little easier on you for eliminating yourself from the competition and allowing Liam to break free of his distraction of the shiny new object.”

“Aww, Olivia, that’s so sweet. Next thing you know we’ll be best friends,” Riley replied sarcastically.

“I don’t know about friends...but I do dislike you less than the rest of them.” Olivia tried and failed to hold back a smile.

“I’ll take it,” Riley said with a laugh before turning to Jo. “Okay, now tell me where I need to be.”

Jo set Riley up with Liam on the dance floor. It still wasn’t hard to pretend to be into Liam because it wasn’t all pretend, but there was no lingering pining between them.

“Well, I spoke to my father this morning.” Liam spun Riley around and brought her back to face him.

“Finally!” Riley exclaimed. “How did that go?”

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around it to be completely honest, but it went surprisingly well. I told him I knew everything, and he no longer had a say in my decision. He tried to argue with me at first, but somehow something I said made him respect me. He still may not agree with my choice, but I think this is finally all over! I am free to choose who I want without any threat or blackmail hanging over my head.

Riley pulled Liam in and hugged him tightly. “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you, and for all of us.” The weight on Riley’s shoulders was suddenly ten times lighter. She hadn’t let herself think too deeply about how much was at stake, but now that the air was clear, she realized how stressed she had been. “Now all that’s left is for you to tear my heart to pieces on national television, and you get your fairy tale ending.”

Liam chuckled. “I’ll try to let you down easy.”

-----

Drake stood in his usual position off the side of the dance floor. This may not be the last of these events he’d have to endure, but at least it should be the last time he’d have to stand on the sidelines watching Riley dance with someone else. He was secure in what they had, but it still didn’t stop that twinge of jealously seeing her and Liam together talking, touching, and having fun. But it wasn’t a bad thing that his best friend and girlfriend get along so well. Girlfriend...that’s the first time he’d used that term for anyone he’d “dated”, even if only in his head. It was hard to believe everything was falling into place.

Drake took his eyes off Riley to scan the perimeter. What he saw didn’t immediately register as out of the ordinary, but then he quickly recalled this person walking towards the dance floor wasn’t supposed to be there.

“Bastien, check out three o’clock.” Drake altered Bastien via his radio earpiece. “How did she get in here without security clearance?”

“I don’t know.” Bastien replied. “I’ll check with the other guys to see who let her in. Keep an eye on her.”

Drake watched in concern as Madeleine marched towards the dance floor. She’d been banned from the rest of filmed events after her stunt. Not wanting to let her cause a scene, Drake was about to stop her from getting any closer, when she pulled out an unmistakable object. She had a gun and it was pointed right at Riley and Liam.

Before Drake could alert the rest of the team, people started to scatter. He heard a familiar click and knew he had to disarm Madeleine immediately, but it was too late. A shot went off and he didn’t hesitate. Drake dove between the bullet and his two best friends on the dance floor, and that would be the last thing he remembered before he hit the floor.

#QOMH #TRR #drake x mc #ns*fw #playchoices fanfiction #the royal romance #my fic

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