tbh a lot of the hate on Viv is somewhat based on lies

don't get me wrong she has messed up but I've also seen so many lies being spread about this woman it's honestly a bit disturbing

I'd take what people say about her with a grain of salt

and there's nothing wrong about liking a show even if the creator isn't someone you like^^

I've seen a handful of people talk about her on TikTok (which is a TERRIBLE, and I repeat, TERRIBLE source of information outside of maybe one or two cool life hacks or educational videos from certified professionals) so sometimes I'd rely on Twitter for said information. But even then, you don't go around saying "Ah, twitter, my favourite source of information on controversies!" because we ALL know Twitter is filled with unbelievable amounts of hate on Any Topic to Ever Exist! And I am not even exaggerating.

So yes, wholeheartedly, I agree that anything that's said about anyone should be taken with a grain of salt. Anywhere. Because, to be fair, sometimes even with evidence that seems concrete, you can't 100% trust it because there's people out there doing stuff like Forgery 😭 which is honestly horrifying to think about.

So, in conclusion, if you ask me, I think you're 100% allowed to like something without supporting the creator. After all, Viv isn't the only one behind Hazbin Hotel, so when I see posts saying this show in its entirety is mid/bad, it makes me feel so sad for the other good, talented artists who have worked on it :( Plus, I think these people have only seen episode 1, and that's like... the only episode that was written entirely by Viv alone (she is not a very good writer LMAO). I'm sure if you gave it another chance, you'd maybe like it a little more! /nf

Hazbin Hotel isn't everyone's cup of tea, I understand that, and you're allowed to not like something because the creator is not a very good person, but in my personal opinion, separating art from the artist is also an option you could choose, instead of being a hater towards people who genuinely want to enjoy themselves on the internet ^^

a love note (and some fics)

Sometimes I wonder if there's really anything bigger out there - the universe, some kind of higher power, fate - and then I think about how extremely lucky I am that I became obsessed with a certain tv show and its characters at just the right time so that I could befriend someone who then introduced me to a particular book at exactly the right time to fall in love with those characters as well. And then, because of my need to have more of those characters, I went looking for more stories about them at exactly the right time to meet a group of people (some of them together, some of them later, but that doesn't matter) who would go on to become my friends.

There must be something, right? To bring together a group of people who live in five to seven different time zones depending on the time of year. To create my safest spaces on the internet. To share not just our love for a book and its characters, but parts of our lives with each other. To have them all wedge themselves into the soft spaces of my heart and never leave.

I've been thinking about this a lot over the last two weeks, because those people conspired and collaborated to gift me a collection of 10 incredible fics for a milestone birthday (tomorrow!) - even though some of them haven't written fic for months and months, or don't write for this fandom at all anymore, or have recently been finding it hard to make words work and finish fics, or are just plain busy with other projects and life. That they took the time to find and make words for me means everything and more 💖💖

I've been absolutely overwhelmed with love these past 10 days (probably to the surprise of no one, I have cried at every single fic drop and I'm crying writing this now). So, I want to share the wonderful fics that they've written for me with you all because it's the least I can do to pay it forward and they're objectively stellar fics. If you haven't come across them already then you should definitely add them to your to read lists/open tabs/MFL. Please show my friends some love and read their work.

The Rae of Sunshine! collection, in order of publication (with my very short summaries):

Take It Back (4.2K) by @three-drink-amy

Henry is the head chef at a French restaurant and there's one patron who keeps sending his dishes back. How can they resolve this?

Dick, Dick Dick (You Down) (10.2K) by @everwitch-magiks

Alex runs the craft services trailer on the set of actor!Henry's latest movie. Is he the only person who sees behind the façade?

A deceptively soft story, given the title.

Precious Love (1.3K) by floatingaway4

The fluffiest follow up to one of my favourite AUs Amigos y Migas (aka the food truck au).

Midnight ice cream (5.8K) by @the-amber-fox

Emotional support Cornettos? More likely than you think.

Make it Right (5.3K) by @three-drink-amy (that's right, Ally wrote me TWO FICS)

A rogue little Tarlos fic in amongst the firstprince - a post-season 1 canon divergence that sees TK working in a taco truck while he finds his feet.

a taste of life (7.4K) by @indomitable-love

A journey through Henry's life, told through food. (This one is not my summary, indomitablelove already summed it up perfectly)

Risotto + Melanzane + Dolce (a love story) (16.8K) by @villiageidiot

Alex starts working at an Italian restaurant and is terrible at his job. Somehow, Henry doesn't seem to mind.

Cursed is a State of Mind (WIP) by @welcometololaland & @dustratcentral

A 5 + 1 treatise on cursed coffee consumption.

12 Year Starter (6.6K) by @clottedcreamfudge

When Pez can't make it to Henry's Michelin-star birthday dinner, he arranges for Henry's friend, Alex, to take his place. Featuring CCF's signature banter and fun, and a menu that I wish was real.

Pour Your He(art) Out (WIP) by @athousandrooms

A 5+1 ode to latte art (featuring actual art!)

You can find the entire collection here on Ao3.

Social media comparison

Alright. I've tried different new/alternative platforms lately in hope to find something I really liked, and there are very promising ones. I didn't try everything, of course, but this is a kind of overview of my journey so far? Or just my thoughts on the matter.

I've tried Pillowfort, Bluesky, Mastodon (didn't last long enough to have much of an opinion, it simply didn't click), Dreamwidth and Cohost (as of today, can't post there yet).

My comparison under the cut:

► I appreciate that they're algorithm free, whether it's because they truly believe in an Internet rid of the most invasive of them or because it's too expensive to implement on a brand new platform or some other reason. Only the future can tell, but for now it's nice.

► Pillowfort: beside the post formatting that I find extremely comfortable, my favourite thing is probably communities. I feel like this is the strongest "pro" in favor of Pillowfort because this is where they truly distinguish themselves from other social media.

Communities, in a way, remind me of forums. They're however easier to take in hand since you don't have to deal with as many options and choices. In my opinion, communities on Pillowfort are a bit lacking in functionalities though. I think more tools to easily organize them would help, like a widget or something to link stuff so you can create and animate events within said communities.

(I also feel like Pillowfort would gain from not being dark blue. We have more than enough dark blue websites, and it doesn't go well with the warmth invoked by its name in my opinion, but that's a minor detail and just a matter of taste.)

► Bluesky: basically Twitter but better. No algorithm, for a start. The curated feeds are nice. They're a bit like communities on Pillowfort since they can be moderated but from a non-mod user, it's even easier to post in them: you just have to use the right keyword for your post to appear there. Well, if the mod left it open to all rather than chose to vet who can or cannot post in it. Lots of flexibility and control over your timeline overall.

I don't like the 300 characters limit, however. Never liked it with Twitter either. It's not really conductive to conversations, and the general design tends to make the website feel rather impersonal. It's really more like parallel talking than community building.

Overall I think it's a good tool to promote your (visual) art or website, etc. but not great for hosting conversations past commenting briefly what others are doing. I mean, you can make threads but it'll never be as good as Pillowfort or Tumblr for this.

► Dreamwidth: I'll start with saying that Dreamwidth isn't a social media, it's a journaling platform and I haven't used it much yet. Had in plan to post my headcanons about my muses there and stuff like that so I did spend some time trying to figure out how it works.

First, there is a lot of options to let you have complete control over who can see what. Like, a lot.

You can entirely personalize what your journal will look like. It's a bit easier than having your own website—since I reblogged a post about that yesterday—because you don't start from 0, so it might be a good option if you don't feel comfortable jumping into Notepad++ to start coding. You can just change a thing here and there, or nothing at all, or almost everything. It's pretty old school though, so for those completely unfamiliar with early/pre-web 2.0, it might not look very appealing at first. However, I'd say don't let that stop you! If anything, it's a good opportunity to learn a bit of code without pressure.

You can also create communities, which as you might have guessed is very important to me. When creating one, you can set up whether everyone can join, everyone can ask to join but has to be approved by a community admin or to limit the access to those you have personally invited. Like for your own journal, communities are completely customizable, and Dreamwidth allows adult content.

I'm not sure you can top DW communities in terms of functionalities—aside from making a forum—but it's not as intuitive as Pillowfort (though in exchange you get more customization). You're also more limited regarding image hosting (see here). That said, hosting services exist, many are free, and that's without mentioning that you can post on Twitter and the like and use the picture link in your DW posts. I don't think many will only use Dreamwidth anyway.

► Cohost: I was expecting nothing when I registered earlier today, but this is an overall good surprise: it's Tumblr, but better.

More control of what you see. More user-friendly UI. It's not fucking blue. Adult content allowed. You can change your main blog page and make it private.

The only two downsides I'd mention here would be that you can't customize your blog page appearance and you have to wait for one or two days before being able to post. Although if it means less bots, I'd rather wait.

And this ends my rather non-exhaustive tour of the social media/blogging/journaling platforms. If you catch any mistakes let me know. I didn't dive deep, this was just me sharing my thoughts.

(As far as I know, they all allow adult content and give you tools to not see it if you don't want to.)

So if you've been following me on Instagram you would have seen me say recently that I've decided to take a step back from posting/sharing/creating Grishaverse content due to what Leigh Bardugo said (or rather what she didn't say) about the situation in Palestine. For context, during the press tour for The Familiar, an audience member asked Leigh about the justification for non-BIPOC authors profiting off BIPOC stories yet not advocating for real-life BIPOC people (since Leigh has been silent on Palestine since October, despite having expressed solidarity with Palestine in the past).

The video (which you can watch here) has been circulating the internet for a while, and I've already spoken about this on Instagram. I just forgot I had Tumblr for a second there, hence why I'm only addressing this now despite having already spoken about this. However, as someone who has an entire online presence dedicated to Leigh's work, it would be wrong and rather hypocritical of me to not address this.

Disclaimer: This is not a conversation about whether or not white/white-passing authors should be allowed to write BIPOC stories, as many people both in the comments of the original video and online generally have taken it. The issue isn't that Leigh is writing BIPOC stories - it's that she's writing them and choosing not to advocate for real BIPOC people.

The audience member asked a confronting but necessary question, and isn't harassing Leigh as many people online have interpreted it. Holding your favourite people accountable isn't "harassment", especially when that person is a successful author profiting off stories that reflect issues in the real world. Art is inherently political whether or not you want to acknowledge it. This also isn't about specifically asking Leigh this question because she's Jewish - it's because she profits off these stories and yet when these exact same issues are prevalent in the real world, suddenly they're "too political" for her to speak up about despite having expressed solidarity in the past. It has nothing to do with her being Jewish.

However, what's going on in Palestine isn't a political issue. It's basic human rights. It's about humanity, and acting as if posting about this issue is "performative" is ridiculous. I don't know what she's doing behind the scenes, so I'm not going to act as if she isn't doing anything outside of social media because I simply don't know, but when you have an online presence as big as Leigh's you should be using that platform to raise awareness and express solidarity. I understand that it's very easy to come across as "performing activism", especially on social media, but Palestinians have asked us time and time again to use our platforms to help raise awareness and amplify their voices. When you're someone like Leigh who profits off stories of the trials and tribulations of BIPOC people, the very least you can do is talk about the atrocities being committed against BIPOC people in real life.

No one is expecting you to be an expert on what's going on. If you've previously posted misinformation, why not learn from it and actually educate yourself and do better? You're literally an author who profits off stories of colonialism, oppression, dissemination, apartheid, segregation and genocide and suddenly that happening in real life is "too political"? And the amount of privilege you have to not want to get involved in talking about a real-life genocide because you "stopped being political on Instagram" is laughable. Just feeling sad about it isn't going to do anything. It doesn't erase the fact that an entire people are being ethnically cleansed in a genocide you refuse to talk about.

The Grishaverse means so much to me, it's gotten me through some extremely tough periods of my life, but I cannot in good conscience continue to support an author who chooses silence over her own humanity. All she had to say in response to that question was "free Palestine", but she instead said something akin to "I know about what's going on and I know silence and feeling sad about it probably isn't enough, but I'm just not going to do anything about it". Again, I know she's advocated for Palestine in the past, but why not continue doing so? No one is stopping her - she's actively chosen to stop.

As for my accounts? I'm still deciding what to do with them. I won't be deleting them, I'm not going anywhere, but I won't be posting edits or sharing analyses or general posts about the Grishaverse until Leigh decides to do better. This blog will probably turn into a multifandom blog, but who knows at this point. All I know is that I won't be promoting Leigh's work.

I actually have a question, I'm wanting to start a webcomic at some point in the future myself, do you have any recommendations or advice for me?

Okay, I have a million things to say on the subject but to save you a lot of scrolling I’ll cut it down to the main things I wish I knew when starting my webcomic.

Don’t overprepare

It’s easy to fall into the trap of perfecting your art style or developing your character arcs before you actually, like, make the thing. The truth is you get diminishing returns on the pre-production phase, and too much planning will just waste your time. I once wrote an entire script and sketched out 200 pages for a graphic novel version of my webcomic Roundhouse, 90% of which is now redundant or contradictory. Probably took me hundreds of hours. Whoops. Make a basic plot line and some concept pictures by all means, you gotta start with something, but you’ll be much more motivated to make the comic when you’re already making it.

Collect references

This might sound kind of contradictory to my previous advice but bear with me. It’s important to prioritise creation over planning but gathering a compendium of your favourite artworks and writing techniques will save you time in the long run. If I’m ever stuck on how to draw a certain expression for example I know I have a folder full of expertly drawn faces to remind me how nostrils work. Personally I keep separate reference folders for colour, anatomy and character designs. Fantastic cure for artist’s block, swear by it.

Get someone to proofread

You have no idea how important it is to get a second opinion. No one in the history of media has ever been better off without a different pair of eyes to catch a mistake. They’ll see the obvious things you missed, a typo, a pacing issue, a joke that makes no sense… if you’re embarrassed to show it to anyone in your life then get an internet friend to have a look. Hell, I’ll have a look. Send me a message, I’m easy.

Even the most talented creators struggle to be seen

A good comic will always have a better chance of success than a crap one but that’s only a part of the equation. We’re forgetting our two troublesome neighbours, Monsieur Marketing and Lady Luck. It stinks, but we operate in an algorithm-based economy, and getting things out there takes a lot of hard research. I hate the marketing side of things, personally. I’d much rather make a page every week and not care whether it’s seen or not but such is the nature of capitalism that I have to try and monetise my work any way I can. Knowing someone in the business can’t hurt either.

Look, I’ll never be able to condense everything I know about webcomics in a single post so consider this my declaration to give advice to anyone who asks for it. Got a specific question about comics? Message me.

idk if you have done this already but like, sfw+nsfw headcannons bsd sigma x reader who is insecure of how they look (both facial and physical body appearance) 🥺

I didn't write it yet but I was thinking of writing it. Thanks for the request! :)

'•.¸♡ I love you and your body ♡¸.•'

Sigma x gn!reader

Mostly fluff

Nsfw

Please if you don't feel comfortable with nsfw/nsft content do not read this.

CW! Low self confidence, low self esteem, insecurities.

If this subject is triggering in anyway please do not read, your mental wellbeing is more important.

Sigma thinks you are the most beautiful person in the entire universe and nothing and I mean nothing can change his mind.

Like if you asked him what his favourite of your body was he would say every body part in alphabetical order.

Like he would be shocked if you're insecure cuz like how???? You're are incredible beautiful and you still feel this way?!?!?! Like Sigma would be absolutely shocked.

But like he will comfort you and make you feel like you are the most beautiful person in the world (cuz you are).

Like if you're having a mental breakdown, crying because of your insecurities Sigma would be sitting next to you hugging you telling its ok and there is no reason for you to feel that way and that you are absolutely beautiful.

If you are insecure about a specific part of your have Sigma will give it a kiss and tell you that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Like he loves you are your body cuz like you're beautiful.

Nsfw~

One word: BODY WORSHIPING

Ok maybe two but you get the picture.

Sigma absolutely LOVES you and the way you look and will show it in more ways then one.

He is all over you in bed, like he's kissing every inch of your body till there's no place untouched

And he will concentrate on the place your most insecure about like he's just so in love with you and doesn't understand why you could ever be insecure (but like me too cuz you are 100% absolutely jaw dropping gorgeous)

Like I cannot stress enough how beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, jaw dropping, pretty, amazing, handsome, attractive, fascinating and every synonym for beautiful.

Words cannot describe your beauty.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

I just wanna say that you 100% look amazing (your fbi agent told me), but the Internet can be a bitch and make us feel insecure but at the end of the day everyone has different taste so beauty standards shouldn't apply and are bull shit, like every body type is beautiful and that isn't just said just to make people feel better about themselves, it's actually true, different things look beautiful to different to different people, that's just how the world works, other wise everyone would just listen to only one music genre or even one song/artist, only read one book, only look at one piece of art, after all, there are many different artists, I don't like certain artists because their art just isn't to my specific taste but the artist still creates are because other people like their art, we all have different tastes and therefore everyone is beautiful and there isn't a person whose beauty isn't appreciated. We are all beautiful to different people and the way we live our lives or view ourselves shouldn't be based on that person's taste in art.

Everyone is different, thats what makes us special:)

Also I've met people who didn't think they were beautiful but like they are like omg they are so beautiful and they think they aren't?!?!?!? Like wtf, they are really really beautiful like omg. So there is definitely someone out there who appreciates your beauty more than you can even imagine.

As always, have a great day/night and don't forget to take care of yourself to the best of your abilities! :)

-with lots of love, Az the wizard frog:) ♡

what's your favourite moment from the movie and why?

Shoot, that's such a difficult question; I really love this movie a lot so choosing is hard.

The answer may end up changing at some point, but the beginning of the movie (aka before the starting credits appear,) is my favorite.

I know this is a kind of a cop-out answer, especially because the reason I call this my favorite, is not so much because of what happens in the beginning (even though I still love the scenes for what they are,) but because the beginning of this movie is when I fell in love with it.

I wasn't going to give a long response but let's face it I can't.

The rest of this response would be part anecdotical, part praising the hell about this movie, and probably, some incomprehensible squealing because I love this movie so much is hard to find the right words.

Let's start with the anecdotical part.

I am not a movie person in the slightest, before last month I wasn't even a big fan of going to the movies; honestly, for most of my life the big screen, the sound, and such weren't enough to make it better that watch it in the comfort of my home.

This movie changed that for me. I had no way to run the numbers but I wouldn't be surprised if I had gone to the theatre this past month more times than I had gotten the past 10 years. I am going to be certain that's going to be the case by the time this movie stops showing up in theatres.

I decided to go and see this movie when it came out because I have Fridays free, and while I really liked ITSV, it wasn't my favorite movie, just one a enjoyed a lot but wasn't able to tick all the boxes for me to get up there.

Why go to see it when it came out? Because I didn't trust the internet wouldn't spoil me and even if the first film wasn't in my top 3, and while I wasn't sure the movie could live up to the bar the first set (Especially since the trailer didn't convince me.) One way or another, I want to see it for myself with as little information as I could so I would judge the movies for merit alone.

Because of the type of movie it was, the regular seating had already run out, so I ended up getting an extra expensive viewing. I remember seating in the theatre with my also overpriced food (Since I didn't go to see movies often may as well,) wondering if this was going to be worth all this money.

Let's than 20 minutes in, the movie proves to me it's worth that and much more.

This, this was the shot that I saw when I thought "Oh it was worth it."

Is hard to describe how hard this movie hits and let me remind you, this shot is before it hits the 15-minute mark. I had never liked something this much this quickly.

I remember being glued to my seat, absolutely baffled how in so little time this movie was able to make me adore it.

The beautiful art direction, oh I wish I understood art better because I know there is so much more going on that I don't have the vocabulary for it.

I caught on other little details, like for me it was obvious how the fact that Gwen's apartment had warm colors except for her room was a representation of how much she is isolating herself, how she herself is blue by drowning in her isolation, and how she only became warm by hugging her father, the only bond he has left with someone who is active in her life.

Seeing Gwen switch between her civilian self and costume, thinking to myself to what degree she is stuck to her costume that she feels the responsibility of the mantle in her bones even when there is nothing going on.

I have 0 music knowledge really, but Self-love is my favorite song in the entire movie, and part of it is hearing the lyrics resonate with what's going on the screen.

It's funny how I went from really not caring too much about something that happened to a character, to "The first four times I watched this movie I was crying at this part."

Granted, I know exactly why. Execution, time, and tone play heavily into this, after wall, we went from the moment being said in passing to having the flashback of how it plays it out, and is of course, a lot worse.

It reminds me of Encanto in a way, where Alma talking about the death of her husband doesn't come with a twist, in fact none of what she told us is really new information. However because we are seeing things from her true perspective rather that just being told a sanitized version of it, it hits all the harder.

Which is exactly what happens here.

(I didn't include the scenes of Gwen with Peter because the ATSV makes me teary eyed and I already talked a lot about it in other posts, and the one in ITSV is funny because is deadass Peter B model. That also plays a part.)

And this brings us to another reason why this sequence made me fall in love with this movie: Gwen.

For this, I need to talk about my opinion of Gwen in ITSV: I liked her, and that's it.

I thought her design was cool, I adored the way she move in combat as if she was dancing. I liked that she was a good fighter and so put together. If this movie would have come out a few years earlier, I know my teenage self would have had a massive crush on her.

Yet that was as much as I could say about her, the movie didn't give us as much time to get to know her, and while the cool, badass persona is fun, I need more than that to like a character.

Then this movie comes, and has me crying for Gwen at the beginning of the movie.

I came from barely having any attachment to this character aside from liking the aesthetics, to wanting to hug and tell her everything was going to be okay. As far as I am concerned she is my daughter.

(Let's ignore the fact I am not even 10 years older than her and in no way, shape or form ready to be a parent.)

I don't really have an analysis to make this, this is just a good joke that I like.

It does however kind of illustrate my point now, doesn't it?

This part is moving, is emotional, is an artistical marvel and this post doesn't even mention Vulture (a lot of people had talked about that already, including people who know enough about animation that can truly appreciate it; so I will just say my jaw was on the floor by that point.) All while being entertaining as heck.

Movies tend to be too long for me, in fact, I saw the new Indiana Jones recently and I was grasping for my phone around the 50 minute mark. Not to say the movie is bad (not really my taste but that's on me,) but to illustrate that this isn't my type of thing.

The new Indiana movie is only 10 minutes longer than ATSV, yet ATSV is the movie I had watched MULTIPLE TIMES already, and still sit through without being the least bit bored. It doesn't matter the number of times I had said this already because I still can't believe it.

And is at the beginning of this movie that it encapsulates the essence as to why it works so well, this is the part that reminds me why I had gotten to watch this on the big screen the number of times I had, is the reason why this movie has basically become my comfort watch, the thing I see when I am stressed out and I want to immerse myself in something I love.

I said at the beginning is a cop-out answer, and this is why; the beginning has all the part that reminds me why I adore the movie to the degree I had done, and while I love so many scenes, this is the part that comes to mind when I think of favorite.

End-of-Year Appreciation Post

Let's see if I can get this done before midnight - I have 36 minutes! But I really wanted to get this posted, so... time for a speedrun! This post won't nearly be able to say everything I wanna say, so, first and foremost: I love and appreciate all of my mutuals and people I've gotten to talk to this year, so thanks for coming to my corner of the internet and gifting me a little (or a lot - because lord knows I don't shut up if someone mentions one of my favourite fandoms) of your time!

With that being said, time for some special thanks!

@wheresmybloodynauglamir The encyclopedia of Star Trek and one of my closest friends on this hellsite. Thanks so much for literally everything you've done for me this year and all the lovely conversations. Let's have a lot more of those next year! Live long and prosper <3

@littlemervie Thank you for indulging my very nichest of niche interests like The Little Prince and for always sending me a kind message when I least expected it.

@fluffle-system My favourite bnuy in the whole world and a fellow FNAF enjoyer. I hope I always get to be the auxiliary to your detective (yes, this is actually sort of an accurate aitiology of how my url came to be - if you know you know). Let's solve more mysteries and riddles together.

@supermarine-silvally You may have only very recently stumbled into my corner of the internet but I adore every conversation we've had and I hope that many more are to come. If I had to make a choice to pass on my OCs to anyone, the great Donna Aurelia would be yours, and that's a great honor, so I hope you know how much I appreciate our conversations!

@carriagelamp We didn't talk too much this year and that's frankly a crime, but I still stare lovingly at every piece of art you've created for me, with me, or simply for the fandoms I'm in - and the ones for fandoms I don't know I stare at from afar. Just letting you know that I smile everytime I see you on my dash :)

@faerieroyal Dolly my beloved! I hereby sincerely apologize for all the times I've hopped into our Discord chat to ramble about my OCs or whine about my hour-long adventures of looking for faceclaims and/or names, but I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon. The amount of positivity and support you bring into my life is immesurable and I absolutely adore you for supporting each of my OCs, even if you don't know their fandom, and how you let me introduce you to my newest hyperfixations when the brainrot strikes. - To many more rambling sessions!

@come-along-pond who allowed me to participate in the fyeahonepieceocs blog and gave me a platform to launch my own little project of a OP resources blog from. - Through anon hate and plot bunnies, you've helped me and supported me through so much and I'm really, really thankful for that!

@oneirataxia-girl @endless-oc-creations and everyone else in the Discord Server, thank you so much for suffering through my countless pings and appearing when I need you most to offer your advice and help. You've saved many of my OCs in the past and I'm certain you'll keep doing so in the future.

@starcrossedjedis @bravelittleflower and @ninjasawakenedmystar aka the angels who made Cora's creation possible - and by extention then also that of Lily and La Donna! Thanks so much, my fellow One Piece girlies!

@thehedgehogat221b who has been keeping me tethered to the A-Team fandom, making sure that I never forget how happy it makes me, and who always has time to spare to hear me ramble about Kit Kelley and her conman boyfriend

@daughterofhecata @bistdueinbaum and the entire Die Drei ??? fandom. You brought me onto Tumblr and though I may not be as active in the fandom anymore, Tumblr still considers my blog a Die Drei ??? blog and I don't plan on forgetting my roots anytime soon, so I promise you more detective content in the year 2024 - featuring my beloved Jelena, of course! My token adopted side character... Maybe I'll also hop into the Tatort fandom, who knows? Also, can we make Rosenheim Cops a fandom? I feel kinda lonely and silly over here lol

@claramurphyqueenoffandoms the VoicePlay supporter. Man, was I happy to find someone who loves these dorks as much as I do. We haven't talked much, but thanks so much for enabling the hyperfixation that triggered my character development into a happier person and letting me relive those memories.

@cody-helix02 @thoughpoppiesblow @footprintsinthesxnd @kafka-ohdear and the entire Band of Brothers fandom. You've been so nice to me from day one when I first stumbled into the fandom and you still are incredibly lovely people! I'd like to give something back, so, if you ever need any research done for your fic and you can't find anything, let me know and I'll traverse my resources and my university's library to see what I can find <3 Also, I shall present to you more Anita content in the future! There's one fic featuring Luz and one featuring Bull curently in my projects list!

@maxwellshimbo @asaturnerofficial and all the other lurkers and people I constantly find in my notes - you always brighten my day. I'll have had an awful no good time but then I see you and I go: "Ah yes, my friends are still here" and I feel so much better!

Thanks to much to everyone on and off the list, and have a very lovely new year!

Oh. Wow. I'm suddenly having. Some kind of emotions? Definetely multiple emotions. Many of them.

I'm not sure if I know how to describe this... But, like, in the ancient times of my childhood, back before internet ever got to be a thing. Pretty sure the village I grew up in had a grand total of, like, maybe two computers at the time. With the beige boxes for screens. BEFORE dial-up. I had just discovered the existence of fantasy genre thanks to my literature teacher (technically mother-tongue teacher, but I think that doesn't translate to english directly as English is a foreign language here so the meaning of the class isn't strictly the same BUT I DIGRESS) who had lent me the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings and I discovered there was in fact a fantasy shelf in the library, so I pretty much devoured most of the books I found there...

I was a MASSIVE fantasy fan. Still am, but back then I consumed so much more of the books. All of them. I was obsessed.

Like Special Interest™ level obsessed. Absolutely autistic amount, as you know. Except, as this was before internet happened to my world, there was nobody else I knew of who would also be interested, and somehow I guess I thought I was the only one reading this stuff.

At some point I kinda grew out of some of the prevalent tropes, and stopped reading (as much of) the books, and kinda fell out of the most intense obsession. Like I had a favourite book trilogy at one point that I absolutely adored as a kid, but which didn't really hold up after I re-read it somewhere around my later teens, and I found out I wasn't as into some of the tropes anymore. (like DnD alignment systems are fine for games built around battling but I prefer my stories without the "this entire race is evil and should be killed on sight" and such)

But the thing is, I haven't thought about those books specifically in twenty years. It was something only I had experienced and then gotten over, and didn't cast a thought about in two entire decades.

In hindsight, considering how much I like DnD now, it probably shouldn't surprise me this much and yet

But I just clicked some random pics of some art of drow elves and

What do you mean there's an actual fandom for stories of Drizzt Do'Urden? You're telling me that wasn't just some kind of childhood fever dream I had forever ago? Why do I recognize all these names of places and NPCs and stuff, that's not a real thing is it? These are Actual Memories I'm for some reason still having??? (oh gods, I'm suddenly getting flashbacks of tormenting my poor english teacher by asking her how to pronounce all the atupid drow names because "the author speaks english so I'm sure these names must have english pronounciation" I am so sorry...)

The fuck???

So.

I feel like I just failed a saving throw and took 3 d10 psychic damage.

I'm

What

Discord Discourse (knj) - 2

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summary- Kim Namjoon likes to spend time in a discord server... dedicated to him. With new friends and a budding crush, will he ever be able to truly be himself without revealing who he is?

word count- 1.2k

pairing- idol!Namjoon x fanfic writer!Reader

rating- PG15

genre- internet relationships, s2f2(maybe)lovers, angst, fluff

warnings- none

a.n.- well once again my dumbass turned a story into a series. enjoy this part! more to come <3

Thanks to the beautiful @raplinesmoon for helping me brainstorm, and @oftenderweapons and @jeonspub for beta reading!

As always feedback appreciated, a reblog and a like goes a far way. Send me an ask! 💌

-

Namjoon is live: Birthday!! 

You stared at the notification on your phone, your heart racing. Your legs felt numb just like your fingers – a chill going through your body. This was probably not a normal reaction to finding out that one of the people you considered your close friends was a world famous celebrity. But you couldn’t help the way your entire body wanted to cringe, throwing you back into the moment where an innocent voice chat turned into a life changing reveal.

You were a bit hesitant accepting the video chat initially, afraid that the nice guy you had a bizarre number of things in common with and flirted with occasionally would turn out to be a creep masturbating. Who knew what you saw on the screen was far more traumatizing?

It was fanfic fodder, a storyline life handed to you neatly tied with a bow. You were the main characters you wrote about, that thousands, if not millions, hoped to be. Yet, all you could have was a visceral reaction to the sheer embarrassment of your conversations with him. You had even sent him pictures of him while talking to him about all the depraved things you wanted to do. Not to mention that he had read almost all of your fics, some bordering on so explicit that you hoped no one you knew ever read them. Perhaps that’s why you were so open with him. He provided you with an outlet that your real life friends didn’t. He was safe, a faceless Dragonite icon that shared your love of philosophy and loved to read in too deep on every piece of media you encountered.

Until he was the last person you ever thought he’d be – the subject of your 3 am horny ravings, Kim Namjoon.

Perhaps if you were cooler, more confident, you would’ve turned on the camera as well, chatted with him all nonchalant like a real fanfic protagonist, but instead you blocked him after a half hearted apology. Oh god. You wondered if the rest of the band knew about your stories and if you were now going to be banned as a stalker. Would you even be able to attend one of his concerts again?

But even as you thought of those scenarios, you knew that the John you had been talking to wasn’t like that. Even the Namjoon that you knew from the vlogs and the documentaries didn’t seem like that. The message he had sent you last night on your blog proved that he still wanted to be friends.

Your earlier conversations, however, were still something you couldn’t wrap your head around. John wasn’t someone you talked to occasionally. You talked to him almost daily, about his life, his struggles. The two of you never shared many identifying details with each other, but you knew when he went to the gym, what his favourite food was, how much he hated travelling on planes, and even his kinks! Merging the image of John with Namjoon was not only difficult, it seemed impossible. How could the guy who had once sent you porn to help inspire your next smut scene be the same guy who was on the framed poster next to your bookshelf?

Clicking on the notification, you braced yourself as the video stream popped up to show the subject of your cognitive dissonance. Dressed in a grey hoodie, he spoke in Korean, showing off the art on his walls. You couldn’t help how the blood rushed to your cheeks, how your palms became clammy.

You were never one of those fans who looked out for how idols were feeling, or read too much into their expressions. But as you looked at him through the screen you wondered why he was alone last night, chatting with you for hours. His eyes seemed sunken, his dark circles visible even behind whatever filter he was using. He seemed tired and your conversations with John flooded your mind.

I wish I could just stop being me sometimes. I love my job and all the work I’ve done but sometimes it’d be nice to just disappear.

He had sent you that out of the blue on a random morning and you had assumed he was being hyperbolic. He had told you his job was draining and you had assumed he was under pressure from his boss. It was jarring to see the man who had confessed that to you and you felt a pang of empathy dissipate through your body.

Namjoon on the screen showed off his cake, his raspy voice singing happy birthday to himself and breaking you out of your reverie. For the first time, you saw him as a friend and not a celebrity. A friend sitting alone in his house singing to himself because his job required him to do so.

You sighed. What were you doing by blocking him? It wasn’t his fault that he was who he was. Other than not telling you his identity, you had no doubt that the year of conversations you had with him were genuine. He was kind and sincere, and a cloud of guilt rose inside you. You were a terrible friend. He didn’t know anything about you either.

“I have to go soon but thank you for being here with me and celebrating my birthday. I love you guys,” Namjoon said through the screen, his phone now held in his hand as he leaned back in his chair. His eyes locked onto the camera and your mouth ran dry when he smiled his perfectly dimpled smile.

“Before I go I just wanna say thank you for liking the stuff I make. I write all of these songs and lyrics for you and sometimes I can’t believe that I get to share a part of me with you all. Some of you guys have said I inspire you and you have no idea how much that means to me. So please if anything I have ever made or said or done inspires you to create something new, please, please don’t stop. Because you’re an inspiration to me too.”

Namjoon rarely spoke in English at length during his livestreams and the fact that he did now made a glimmer of hope spark inside you. Perhaps you didn’t have to lose your friendship to humiliation. Perhaps you could salvage this and be brave for once.

With shaking hands you went into discord, typing a message into your chat with Namjoon, and when you hit send you got to witness his reaction in real time for the first time ever.

On your screen you heard the loud buzz of his phone, his eyes trailing to the top of his phone before he broke into a huge grin. Your lips moved automatically, mirroring his smile.

He ended his livestream with a few finger hearts and a goodbye, and ten seconds later you had a new message.

yn: I would love to be friends if you’ll have me still john: thank god! you have no idea how happy this makes me

As you read his message, your smile grew and you forgot why you were embarrassed in the first place. Kim Namjoon was your friend, and you had never felt luckier than in that moment.

-

taglist -  @awhnamjoon @alpacaseoks @raplinesmoon @codeinebelle @aislinnstanaka@miscelunaaa @moonchild1 @shydestinyyouth @itsjaneeet @piecesofapril11@yoontaethings @jeonyreads @pb-n-juju @everythingaboutfangirling @jeonjungkookenthusiast1997 @lizzymizzy-blogg @namjooningera​ @notbotheredtho 

Thank you for reading this fic! If you liked it, please tell me your thoughts. I appreciate your feedback!

Please reblog and check out more stories on my masterlist <3

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cloudburst 2

summary: preschool teacher!harry x special education teacher!yn; y/n and harry met while working together at a preschool, y/n is engaged but her fiancé has been distancing himself from y/n, making her spend more time with harry, wishing she was marrying him instead

warnings: mention of miscarriage, cheating, swearing, death, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it)

word count: 3.3k

part 1

it was 3am when tony got home, to his luck, y/n was in joey’s bedroom, dead asleep after mixing her sleeping pills with a shot of tequila to make sure she’s at least sleeping the whole night, joey in the other hand was tossing and turning, pickles, the tabby cat that belonged to the two sisters, was clearly bothered by joey’s lack of stillness, getting comfortable in between y/n’s legs. when joey heard the door she could feel her blood boil, she knew it had to be her sister to say something and yell but god she wanted to slap him and tell him to leave so badly.

but she didn't.

it was now morning, y/n yawned and rubbed her eyes, looking at her sister still dead asleep, she got up carefully to not wake joey nor pickles up, covering joey up after leaving the bed. the house was silent and her bed unmade, she assumed tony didn't sleep home and that hurt her heart, how her husband to be just completely changed his behaviour and she didn't know who she was marrying anymore. regardless, y/n got ready for work putting on black sweatpants that matched the black sweatshirt and her hair up in a ponytail, this wasn't usual for y/n, she likes dressing cute or finding clothes that would get the children happy like bunnies or cats, but today was just one of those days that y/n felt like a cloud was over her head and her head only.

as she got to school harry was already there, his moustache was more fluffy than usual and his hair messy and some curls covering part of his face, he is wearing a colourful knitted pullover and black jeans with his usual worn out beige from time trainers, his eyes immediately sparkled when he saw her, “good morning!” he says with a smile, “i got you something”, he hands her a paper bag with a red bow to her, “but my birthday isn’t for another 2 weeks harry”, y/n stated, “i know, i just um.. well, i know you love lang leav so i got a signed copy of lullabies for you” and it’s true, harry had searched he entire internet on how to get a signed copy of y/n’s favourite book for her, “oh my god harry… and you wrote me a note?”, “oh god don’t read it” but she did.

“y/n, thank you for being one of my best friends and always covering me up when i fall asleep on my desk. you’re the most special person i’ve ever met.

love,

harry”

“thank you harry… this is really special… like major special, i think this might be the best gift i’ve ever gotten after joey finding our cat pickles cosied up in waterstones” y/n embraced harry, “sometimes i wish i was marrying you instead” she whispered against his body, “did you say something?” harry questioned, “no, no.. sorry”, he heard it though, he heard it and for half a second he felt it in his heart… that he actually had a chance at y/n’s heart. their day went on as usual, divided the class in groups and focused mainly on art today, finger painting and shapes. for a moment y/n was at peace, her, harry and a bunch of sweet kids. when the classes ended, macy’s mum walked in with a frown on her face and walked up immediately to harry, that to every effect was macy’s teacher, “hello mr styles, i need to have a word with you and ms y/l/n if you don’t mind.” she was assertive, tall and looked like she was close enough to murder both harry and y/n. “oh yes of course, is everything okay with macy?.. um y/n can you come here”, y/n got up from her chair and walked towards them, keeping an eye on little macy that was sitting, waiting for her mum to grab her hand and leave. “so, my daughter tells me you two are together? is this true? because it’s very serious if you’re kissing in front of my daughter.” macy’s mum almost yells, “excuse me? as we told macy yesterday, we hugged because one of my special education students has a fear of hugging and i was showing him it was okay plus mr. styles is my friend and as we told macy friends hug each other, right macy?” y/n is the kindest person people will meet but she always knows when to speak up for herself and especially speak up for her students, “right ms y/l/n! keith hug u too”, the little girl speaks, “keith is a little boy in the autism spectrum that loves hugging his family but feared hugging me even though he wanted to. so no mr. styles and i are not in a relationship and if we were it would have been approved by the school”, harry has a stupid smirk on his face, proud of y/n for speaking the truth. “oh jesus i’m so sorry, macy just really made it sound inappropriate”, “she has a big imagination” harry adds.

back at home, as y/n steps foot in her bedroom she sees tony removing his tie, "oh.. hey", he says, looking in the mirror, "can we talk tony?", y/n requested as she sat down next to him in bed, "sure? i don't have much time i need to change for drinks with my boss”, tony replied, "listen, i don't know what changed, but i need you to be honest with me here tony, you barely spend anytime home, you barely touch my food when i cook, you don't touch me, we haven't had sex in two months, at first you said i was still fragile but what's the excuse now? you don't kiss me, you don't tell me you love me, you have stopped giving ideas for our wedding day.. do you even want to get married?" y/n snapped, she had those words stuck in her throat for a while now, "y/n.." tony sighs, "couldn't you have waited for me to come back from work?", the dismissal in his voice almost sends y/n through the fucking roof. "excuse me? who do you think you're talking to, antonio? i'm not some client you're upset with for some stupid reason i'm supposedly your future wife!" y/n hates raising her voice, but she's yelling at this point, “c'mon. let's talk after dinner.", his words sound even colder now, "no. let's talk now! look me in my fucking eyes." tony had never seen y/n like this and deep down he feared what she could do next. "y/n vamos a tener calma por favor (let's be calm please)", "don't tell me to calm down! i won't calm down until you tell me what the fuck changed!", "JESUS CHRIST I'M FUCKING SOMEBODY ELSE! THERE ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY Y/N? AND NOT JUST THIS GIRL BUT MULTIPLE OTHERS BECAUSE YOU LOOKED HORRIBLE AFTER THE MISCARRIAGE-", "get out", "y/n!", "don't bother coming back."

the house was silent for awhile, joey had heard everything from the other room but was too scared to approach y/n and worse, seeing her sister like that, joey swallowed her tears and gently pushed the door of y/n's room, y/n is sitting in bed cutting up all of tony's clothes, not even crying, just destroying everything of tony's that happened to cross her eyes. "in any other moment i'd tell u you should have done this sooner but.. um.. do you want to talk.. about it?" joey sits next to her sister, "he cheated on me... multiple times", y/n agonised, she was saying words she would never expect to say, especially about the man she was marrying in less than 4 months, "i couldn't even defend myself.. i just told him to get out", that's when the tears started forming in y/n's eyes, dreading that she had to go and live her life after finding out her soon-to-be-husband had multiple affairs, the house became silent again, joey, for the first time in her life, had no words to say to her sister and was just resting her head on y/n's, hoping silence would be the perfect answer on a moment like this. “joey… i’m gonna catch some air.. if you don’t mind” but y/n found herself following her usual route to school, almost unconsciously looking for harry, in the moment she didn’t want anyone else nor talk to anybody else, just him.

y/n didn't care anymore, she could feel her feet moving towards harry as his lips moved, he was worried about her but she couldn't answer or even think of an answer, she simply didn't care about keeping her decorum and being a good fiancé anymore, she likes harry, she knows she does. it's almost all in slow motion for y/n, the 20 seconds it took her to walk towards harry felt like 5 minutes, and the way their lips crashed felt like an eternity, but this time to both of them. harry's hands placed on y/n's lower back, and their tongues intertwined as one, harry's moustache was a good add-on to the kiss, y/n thought, it tickled but in a good way, harry's brain was almost empty, he couldn't actually process what was happening right on his desk but he didn't care either, he had been living this moment in his mind for such a long time he doesn't really give a fuck if it's a mistake or not, he has the woman of his dreams wrapped around him, all his.

"y/n." harry interrupted the kiss, his mouth opened as he hesitated in his next words, "as much as i'm enjoying this you... you're getting married-" y/n put her indicator over his mouth, shushing him, "harry.. i want this.. please" y/n whispered, "tony has been cheating on me and i'm done pretending i'm not into you and i don't crave you, i'm done pretending i don't wish i was marrying you instead", both of them remained silent after her statement, harry's thumb caressed y/n's cheek in disbelief, disbelief that she got cheated on, disbelief that she was there in front of him confessing some type of love for him, "harry... i'm sorry if i look like i'm using you that's totally not what i want, i can leave if you want" y/n added, "no. god no. please stay... with me"

our couple kept kissing, kissing like it’s the end of the world and they want to enjoy their last few minutes together, y/n's legs wrapped around harry's waist, he stood tall, one hand holding y/n and the other trying to find the keys of the nurse's office, they honestly had so much tension between them they could do it right there, but even in the middle of so much lust they hadn't forgotten where they were, in their workplace, where a kid who forgot a pencil or a parent picking a forgotten jacket could walk in at any moment. harry's eyes lit up as y/n suggested minutes before "we can always do it in the nurse's office" leading them to here.

harry finally reached the key handing it to y/n, he grabbed a condom as well putting him in the left back pocket of his black jeans. "good lord i don't think i can make it to the office" harry exclaimed, he could feel his briefs squeezing his cock, grunting and sighing with his forehead against y/n's.

the nurse's office is silent, the walls are painted in a light blue with multiple cartoon drawings sticked to the walls, as well as drawing's made to the school's nurse, harry tenderly placed y/n on top of one of the beds in the room, locking the door behind him. "y/n...are you sure you want to do this?" harry questioned, to harry consent was key, but this time even more considering they were quite literally homewrecking. "fuck me harry, please", her eyes were filled with lust, her hands now unbuttoning the white top she has on, as well as unzipping the midi light purple silk skirt, "such an eager girl aren't you? fuck, such nice tits" his lips immediately met y/n's neck leaving love bites all over her cleavage, her skirt fell to the ground, leaving her pussy barely covered by a sheer white lace, harry's hands travel all over her body stopping near the already so wet area, as his fingers placed directly on her clit she couldn't help but whimper, "is this good" harry's voice was slightly deeper than usual still caring but somewhat assertive, y/n couldn't pronounce any words already, harry's fingers attached to her clit, rubbing and pinching, she cried out an almost inaudible "yes" in the middle of the gasps and moans, "couldn't hear you sweet pea, what did you say? can't continue if you don't talk to me." he removed his fingers from the white lace making y/n cry one more time, the loss of touch worked wonderfully as a motivation for y/n to speak, “that was so good, please don’t stop” y/n purred, grabbing harry's hand, placing it exactly where he left off. "good girl" he crooned removing his hand right after, "actually... let me take care of you in other ways", he got on his knees pulling y/n's legs apart, having a perfect look of her pussy, glistening and swollen, sending shivers down in his spine and almost making him cream in his pants like an impatient teenager. before smoothly removing her panties, harry's lips were attached to her inner thighs, from little pecks to leaving marks all over, the white mesh hadn't even hit the floor when his fingers started stroking y/n's clit once more, his tongue joined not long after, running up and down on y/n's very wet entrance. "fuck, you taste like heaven", harry admired the image in front of him yet he was not able to detach his mouth from her juices more than a few seconds, his tongue swirled inside her like it was his last meal, y/n gripped onto harry's hair, pulling and tugging it, "harry.. harry" she cried out, "oh fuck", y/n's legs were shaking, she could feel her climax closer than before, "harry i'm gonna cum" she panted, feeling her pussy clench as harry continued to lick her folds and gently biting her clit. "oh princess... look at the mess you made" his fingers brushed against the already very sensitive cunt, "such a pretty mess... let me clean it up, yeah?", that almost made y/n cum again, "harry... harry please let me cum on your cock" she pleaded, placing her weight on her elbows so she can clearly see his face, "god fuck! yeah let me um grab that condom", he got up trying to take the packet from his pocket, "no.. no i need to feel you harry", the words ring in his ears, he drops his jeans on the floor and quickly takes his briefs off, ramming into y/n's pussy, kissing her to muffle the moans coming from the both of them. they still don't know what went through their heads, and harry's thrusts inside y/n made them forget even more the world out side the room they're in, y/n's pussy clenching around harry's length, "harry i'm gonna cum again", quiet moans echoed in the room, "fuck sweets i'm so close too", he grunts as he fills her up, none of them had such a aggressive, carnal, fervent affair like this one, so full of intimacy and honey flavoured words yet so mad and potent in the sweet turbulent heated and urgent moment, nothing else mattered to them.

they're getting dressed, harry can't stop himself from staring and interrupting y/n just to steal one more kiss, "you know it's funny, the only other time i had sex in a nurse's office was in my first year of university" y/n giggles, followed by harry buttoning the rest of her top, "really? that's a weird coincidence!" he said with a tone of surprise in his voice, "on my senior year i also had sex in a nurse's office.. she was likely from your class, she was a freshman i believe", "trying to make me jealous, mr styles?" y/n gave him a little peck, "is it working?" he smiled now buttoning his shirt, "but for real, she was a freshman and we were at this guy's off campus house.. bryan something, god she never even told me her real name, said it was aimee and then said it was a lie but she wanted something she could have fun and not get attached to it” he buttons the last button and then looks at a horrified y/n, “what? i didn’t mean to upset you i was 21 back then”, he says worriedly, “no.. harry.. god.. i.. i once told a guy my name was aimee and it was my first time and i wanted to get it over with and then my friend niall banged on the door and we both burst out laughing-“, “y/n.. you look very different”, “god harry stop how did we end up in the same situation again”, harry grabs her chin, “let’s say it was destiny” he whispers kissing y/n passionately.

harry drove y/n home, the ride was filled with giggles and reminiscing their affair from their uni days, they couldn't explain why they didn't recognise each other but it felt too much like a sign from universe, bringing them together again. "we're here", harry gets closer to give y/n a kiss and she stops him, "joey is for sure observing us from the window, i'm sorry" her voice trembles, "no.. don't be sorry. i'll see you tomorrow?" he asks knowing her answer but she still nods, whispering a goodbye followed by a smile.

"y/n!" joey exclaims running to the door to hug her older sister, "was that harry? why didn't he come in? i made coffee!" she says pointing to the alone mug in the kitchen, "oh um.. he just drove me home" y/n placed her bag on one of the hooks right next to the door, "i thought you left to catch some air.. you went to school?" joey rubbed y/n's back, not imagining what could possibly be going through her sister's mind, y/n started tearing up, "oh y/n it's okay tony was a jerk! you're better off without him", the younger sister says trying to ease y/n, "joey i fucked harry" y/n blurs out, she has never been good at keeping secrets from joey, especially now that they spend 99% of their free time together, "i'm a girl with a broken engagement that fucked her co-worker that happens to be one of her best friends, i'm horrible joey" y/n's crying made her sniffle in between words, some understandable and others completely inaudible, "wow.. wow let's go back, you fucked harry?" joey's eyes widened, "and i liked it", joey let a small laugh out, "i knew you liked him”, she remains with a silly smile on her lips, “and you’re not horrible, you kinda paid tony back.. by fucking your really hot co-worker/friend… please let me grab you a mug i really need to know what happened in that school, you fucked in the classroom?” joey questions semi horrified.

“no..no we did it in the nurse’s office”

“oh that’s interesting”

“and there’s more”

“more?? maybe i don’t want to know..”

please tell me if u want to be added to taglist!

taglist: @psicostyles @behindmygreyeyes @your-local-lesbian-on-lexapro @mvaldez7821 @tiktokandtvismylife @silvermistwannabe @harrysgoldenhome @subbbyharry @buckybarnessimpp @gabshouse @sassqwn @thegirlnextdoorssister @theanxietyqueen17

So I was thinking to myself about a lot of things and

I miss when content creators were just that. People who created content. When there were no (or at least less) huge controversies and huge reveals of “turns out one of your favourite internet people is secretly a terrible person!”. I miss when I could watch/read/listen to/enjoy the content I like without feeling bad for liking it. I miss when I could watch people’s channels and be subscribed/following/whatever without being criticised. I miss when we could just be happy to like what we like.

And even with all this, I still try. I want to enjoy my content in the same way I used to, without anxiety and fear of constant judgement and hatred following me. I’ve had to learn how to separate the art from the artist quickly, lest I shut myself off from it entirely or become a stan for someone who doesn’t deserve my energy.

But it’s hard. Many of the creators I once loved are either terrible, still friends with the terrible people, creating entirely different content from what I used to enjoy from them (I’m glad they moved on to something they’re happier with btw, I just miss their old content), or dead. The people around me cringe at the mention of many of their channels/names, making it difficult to say even so much as “I used to like this” without being harshly judged and criticised.

All in all, I think it’s important to understand that you shouldn’t be cruel to someone who likes something with a problematic creator. New controversy about an influencer you like doesn’t mean you’re terrible for liking them. And definitely don’t believe that you either have to support them completely or shut yourself off from their content.

Don’t bully people about their likes or dislikes. If you don’t agree, then accept you have differing opinions. If you don’t understand, ask them about it before condemning them to your judgement.

Gaming Thoughts - October 2023 - Xenoblade Chronicles X

Ever since the announcement of the Wii-U's internet being discontinued, I had found myself going back to this game after so many years. Also, knowing me as a small disclaimer, you may be seeing this game a bit from me as well. XD

I had actually picked up XCX back at Launch and played it quite a bit, but because things got busy and also there was a point that I was stuck in the game, I had put it down for a period of time and said that I would come back to working on it later when things calmed down a bit. Well...now became that later so I may be a little scrambling to get things in it somewhat gone through. At least get some of the online-only content in there at the least before it is no longer accessible. (I know that Pretendo could be an option in the future, but I'm not 100% confident on if they will be able to get XCX up and running through their service since looking at their roadmap it isn't quite a priority yet and also I just have great skepticism on fan projects of this large of a scale ever getting finished as well, so it is more or less a 'I'll believe it when I see it deal')

Though coming back to this game now, I've been enjoying it a LOT more now that I'm finally able to understand certain mechanics. The game does jack-shit to explain how some mechanics with the battle system works (ESPECIALLY Overdrive most of all) and the digital manual is like a pain for me to even go through as well (and why I miss physical manuals in games, dammit) either way, after a bit of research and such I've been finding myself highly enjoying it more and more now at this point. It already was my favourite game as it was even with how difficult it was being before, but now only just cemented it even further.

Just as a note for anyone that may want to try to get into the game, DON'T ever approach it the same way you do with normal JRPGs, if you do and just try to go at it entirely for the main story and only hit the side missions here and there, you will find yourself disappointed since the main story itself doesn't present a lot of development for the other characters as it was with the exception of one. You get more of your development of the characters and even of the world itself through the affinity missions and the side missions most of all. Even most of the sidequests have a lot of their own little storyline to them as well too that helps expand more on the world and everything.

I actually wish this game will get at the very least a port to the modern consoles, though. Or even at least Nintendo's next console since because it was on the Wii-U it hardly got a lot of attention as it was and not a lot of people would have played it, but more of all, I would actually also would love to see there be a sequel as well considering there are so many things that are still unanswered as well that I would love to find some resolution to.

Anyways, when I played this game, I made my primary OC, Conrad, being my custom character as well. So I tried to draw him with at least the equipment that I have currently in-game. Out of the weapon types that there are, because of some of the prior things that I have done with him, I felt that out of the weapon options in the game, the Sniper Rifle was still the best one that did fit him as well and I'm still keeping that as being the main weapon that I'm basing my build around. (You have a LOT of options of how to make your build and a few different weapon options to use. You have to have one ranged and one melee weapon in your setup, but with how the game is designed, you really cannot balance your build between the two and it becomes more of one being your main damage dealer and the other being essentially there for support because of the arts that are available to it.)

Either way, odds are likely I'll be playing this game quite a bit either until I get a lot of things finished up finally or after the end of April, whichever comes first so if I end up needing to cover this game again because of this, I'll try to at least make it more on that month's summary as opposed to the game as a whole. XD

(All in all, I don't think I will ever see this being dethroned as one of my top favourite games anytime soon)

Æon Flux and the end of all things

I don't remember the first time I heard of Æon Flux but I sure as hell remember the first time I watched it, and it wasn't too long ago which would technically not warrant the level of obsession I have for that shit, but here we are anyway.

I was knocked the fuck out on painkillers, two of my wisdom teeth freshly removed, not even remotely worried about the exam that I had coming up in like two days from then. So I was barely moving away from my swivel chair and sleeping on a whole ass armored pillow to prevent from tossing and turning and shit felt so surreal to me. It was like the eating chair from the last Cronenberg movie. So I delved into Æon Flux essentially blind and bingewatched the shit out of it. Twice. Ended up downloading the whole thing from some sketchy ass 1080p remastered torrent, rewatched it again, and spread it around personally in a more cauterized Google Drive folder (so if you guys got a nasty ass virtual STD from it, my bad I guess), not even a month after watching the series. Shit was fucked, in short, and every rewatch just fueled this obsession even further.

(image taken from Episode 1, Season 1)

One thing about me: when I obsess over stuff I want to draw something at the very least inspired by it. Happens to me a lot with Autechre, who are actually one of maybe three bands I would not hesitate to call my favourite based on an absolutely objective principle which is absolutely not up for discussion and which might be the object of a future post at this point. But the point is fucking Æon Flux is essentially impossible to replicate because Peter Chung's character designs are so recognizable that you start seeing them in literally every other movie that came out in the late '90s/early 2000s - and for reference, Æon Flux was brought to an end in 1995. Consequently, all attempts at drawing Æon Flux-inspired stuff end up either feeling very derivative or looking like fucking trash. Artistry is a weird thing because sometimes it inspires other people, other times it just inspires man-slaughtering rage.

Somewhat many of my friends are or have at one point tried to be accomplished visual artists. Some have made it to professional/teaching level, some others have an art school diploma or degree - and I'll be using this space to shout out @coto-letta aka V., who has recently rejoined Tumblr after years of absence. We met on here, when her handle was much different, and I mistook her for an ex of mine (whom, surprisingly, we are still on relatively good - if quiet - terms with) so I slid into her DMs as you do, and she was like "yeah actually I have no clue who the fuck you are I just think your blog is neat and dropped a follow" which was quite a fundamental moment in understanding that while my life was written like a dodgy soap-opera, that didn't mean I was the centre of the entire world. Anyway, the reason I'm shouting her out is because sometimes something deeper and older than you remember has a way of finding you again when you least expect it and that's what happened when in January 2023 (after V. had left Tumblr for at that point about two years and we had exchanged Instagram accounts) I somehow ended up on her Insta and found out she had been tagged in a picture taken somewhere that looked suspiciously like my university's conference hall and I could not fucking believe she was in my city. I slid into her DMs again, as you do, and found out that no, that wasn't my uni's aula magna, but yes, she was in fact relocating in my city for her master's. So we met up after maybe seven years of on-and-off Internet friendship. It's a neat story, sure, but how the fuck do we tie it into Æon Flux?

(image taken from Episode 3, Season 2: Leisure)

Not trying to be overly dramatic here, but Æon Flux to me is just about a condensation of everything that "art" can mean. Not just visual flare or style, not just deep meaning or interesting ways of putting across one or more questions and never a definitive answer to any of them (more often than not, it's sets of possible answers - usually two, neither of which ends up covering the whole array of possibilities, both of which actually leave a lot to be desired in a number of different ways), not just this insane fucking music that toys with everything you expect from animation courtesy of Drew Neumann who may just rank as one of the best soundtrack artists ever in virtue of this single work. It's the whole package. You would think it'd work taken in pieces, and it does, no objection to that: but it works even better as a whole package. If the moral questioning (and the philosophical musings of season 3, which is unjustly underrated because "it's too normal" by hipster wannabe critic dilettantes who like to think that they could do better than that. Everybody else on the other hand is generally able to stop pull their head out their own ass and recognize, at the very least, the excellent craftsmanship and talent that went into the ten long episodes) wasn't accompanied by the weird fetishistic sex it'd be somewhat less impactful, almost like a cauterized Tenshi no tamago made into a series for mainstream late-night TV audiences. The twist was that MTV's executives, at the time, "didn't understand [the double entendres], they didn't even notice them. So, we were okay", in producer Japhet Asher's own words in the short documentary Investigation: The History of Æon Flux. The network was, in fact, trying to break into the mainstream - they simply couldn't keep their creatives at bay. No wonder they turned to Jersey Shore as they went along.

(image taken from Episode 5, Season 3: The Demiurge)

Even just the main characters' purported edginess, clearly something "of its time", is never played entirely straight. Both leads are way too complex, and very clearly presented as such, to be just summed up by "Æon Flux is an anarchist/Trevor Goodchild is a dictator". Both of which are true, by the way, they're just one part of a full picture. Even within the context of its necessary linearity - this is still an animated short and as such moves only in one direction, even though a number of episodes (specifically Mirror and Chronophasia) deliberately fuck with the viewer's perception of times on varying degrees of diegesis and extradiegesis - the series could be perceived as, indeed, a sandbox: consequently, the viewer could set sail and explore it. This is further encouraged by the series's active weirdness to whoever would want to try and make sense of the world's story. There is no history, there is just the story at hand: an eternal present which you can't understand ("un eterno presente che capire non sai": Ferretti knew his shit, regardless of how it went after CCCP) and which Æon and Trevor are not interested in even trying to contextualize. Not a surprise then that they'd be into each other: their closeness in body and heart doesn't exist at the mind's level, and the whole thing falls apart miserably every time it looks like they could be finally let their weapons down. But as Æon completely understands, and as Trevor seems to actively try to ignore, the fight is already the whole point: star-cross'd as they may be, the entire act of playfully hunting each other for sport both in the bedroom and on the battlefield is what Trevor Goodchild and Æon Flux thrive on. Trevor wants stability but an Æon who doesn't fight back is simply not Æon; Æon does not want the stability, but she definitely likes Trevor to an extent and finds more in common with him that she would probably be willing to admit (I would like to thank Tumblr user @brw on thons very good analysis of the episode A Last Time for Everything, which heavily inspired this section of the post!). In short: if Trevor seems to embody Pier Paolo Pasolini's idea that "there is nothing more anarchistic than power" ("non c'è nulla di più anarchico del potere") then Æon flips the statement on its head: "there is nothing more powerful than anarchism". That is, of course, until we once again confront my signature ad-hoc elephant in the room that this statement just summoned.

(Image taken from Episode 1, Season 1)

No spoilers intended, but if you so much as google the name of the series you will easily find out that Æon Flux dies a whole lot throughout the series*. Season 1 and all the shorts from season 2 end with her dying ungrateful deaths and a couple of the long episodes leave much to be desired in the way of positive closure, with Ether Drift Theory representing a peak in bleakness for season 3. Most of the shorts where Æon dies imply that either absolutely nothing changes in the world around when she's lost or that Trevor Goodchild literally just succeeds in all of his goals (see Season 1's finale), and one could make a case that even if she did carry her missions through there would be absolutely nothing to show for it: somebody goes up the chain of power, everything is restored, there is one more tyrant to murder. Not to be that one guy who quotes Nietzsche about everything, but the eternal recurrence of the same is the first thing that comes to mind when watching Æon Flux, especially exemplified and even literalized by the episode War, possibly the best of the short ones: it's the same fucking story four times over a five-minute run time and nothing ever gets better for anyone. The body count in the episode is unquantifiably large - every one of the fallen a potential new Æon Flux or Trevor Goodchild. But this, in a way, implies that Æon keeps being reborn, and one could argue that the act of capturing a fly with her venus-fly-trap eye could simply be her coming back to life, as it were; stopping the most evident sign of decay, turning her eyes outward yet again, to face the eternal return of the same again and again and again…

(Image taken from Episode 8, Season 3: Ether Drift Theory)

You can find Æon Flux for free on the Internet Archive.

*as I was discussing the final draft of this post with my friend @oldshittydog we had a pretty interesting discussion which I thought should be added here for an even clearer, fuller picture:

HELLO internet users, you are now looking at my blog where i have come to burden you with my art pieces and funnies.

🔊Call me slyakoch or slkch

English is not my native language so it is often difficult for me to understand or answer, forgive me if I make stupid mistakes.

my art is under #my art tag

YOU CAN ASK ME THINGS -> here

COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN (dm me) -> here

C U R R E N T H Y P E R F I X A T I O N :

Got here only 2 moth ago but already i love with this game. All characters are fucking amazing and cool. But i think my heart especially belongs to Ferryman!

SOME OTHER FAVORITE GAMES:

I love this crazy fandom. There is no one particular mercenary that o like, they are all cool and deserve love. Favorite ships: Bloody Suite, Boots & Bombs, and Science Party. By the way, I hate speedingbullet, please don't touch me with speedingbullet. I draw a lot SniperSpy, everything can be found under tags here on the blog!! I also used to play a lot tf2 sice summer 2023. Now I main Scout and Sniper.

WoW has been my obsession for several years now, and now I'm not so interested in the new additions, but I just love the old Warcraft before SL. Alliance? Horde? WHO NEEDS THEM WHEN THERE ARE THE FORSAKEN! I love them. And basically all the undead. Of the characters, I really love Jaina and Vanessa Vancleef. And also i'm biggest Sylvanas/Nathanos apologist. My favourite fucked up couple.

I LOVE MARIA SILENT HILL TWO I LIVE FOR HER I CRY OVER HER CHARACTER and I think her character is very underrated! Otherwise, I also really love Heather (I cosplayed her!), Lisa and Walter. I'm a fan of the "classics" of all 4 silent hill games. This rusty, old, tense, frightening, depressing, meaty horror is just what I've always been missing.

It’s worth saying briefly - I adore the entire universe of half-life and the portal. These are great games, I love everything about them. They changed me and my perception of video games a lot. My favorites of the series are Adrian Shepard and Alix. I'm a fan of HEKU in general, they're funny guys. Probably the only military characters in video games that don't make me uncomfortable.

other fandoms that i was to lazy to make banner for, or they are smaller: OUTLAST, Garten of BanBan, Poppy Playtime(shitty mascot horror yay), Gloomwood, Faith:The unholy trinity.

these banners are made by me, and yeah they are fre to use(ijust pls credit me if you do)

thank you so much @velvetcrowbar444 for tagging me to talk about 5 things im obsessed with at the moment!!

this got longer than i anticipated so im putting it under the cut, but for simplicity's sake i'll tag people up here: @nights-decay, @boycentriccplot, @flaming-tsunami, @sourgelatin no pressure though of course!

persona 5... ok i have to be honest ive been really reluctant to talk about this on here and its why ive been quiet the past at least week or so. no idea why. i guess cause its so different from the stuff i usually post about that i feel like, embarrassed? but i started playing persona 5 royal around may and really liked it but i didnt have the time to properly get into it until now and it has completely taken over my life entirely without me even realising. to be honest i could obsess over like a rock on the ground if i saw it at the right time in my life but hands down persona 5 is one the best if not the best game ive ever played in my life. the story is engaging, the characters are distinctive and realistic and i really really care about all of them, the gameplay is so much fun and combat is buttery fucking smooth like nothing ive ever played before, the music is top tier and what got me interested in the game in the first place, and the ART DIRECTION. it speaks for itself to be honest ESPECIALLY compared to the older games. i was shocked starting persona 4 because of how different it is to persona 5 like, persona 5 has SUCH a distinct visual identity as well as tone, themes, imagery etc it is all just so stunning and perfect and i want to live in it. but i think about it so often like literally 24/7 that i may as well be. i <3 persona 5 and i <3 YUSUKE KITAGAWA. he's definitely my favourite character and he came out of NOWHERE but hes actually everything in the world to me. one of the characters ever.

persona 4 is it a copout to say that? i did try and condense both games into one bullet point but 1. they're such a mainstay in my life right now i was struggling to think of more points and 2. it kind of lost its precision and didn't effectively convey just how personapilled i am right now. i originally wasn't gonna play 4, all i knew is that it was more difficult and less good so i thought i should stay away. but if you go anywhere persona-related on the internet (which i would warn against, the fandom is a fucking cesspit the likes of which i havent seen in a long time as an obscure-shit-enjoyer) you'll quickly run into adachi. and as a lover of men with high-pitched voices and sexypedia entries... i couldn't stay away. before even starting the game i had made a d6 and d20 with different adachis on each face so really it was just a matter of time. and you know what... it's not that bad. the graphics were a SHOCKING step down but i find the low(er) poly style really charming. the adachi model is too cute T_T whenever i see it in the game world i just wanna sit with it for ages. i wonder if i could get it like 3d printed so i could keep him on my desk with me at all times... its bad for me ! the combat is fucking clunky espeically compared to 5 and i kind of hate it but that just makes it more rewarding when i can finally stop LOL. some of the characters (especially the main few (yosuke, chie, yukiko)) took a bit to grow on me but its kind of sweet.. its like authentic.. our relationship is growing as i get to know them better... but dojima and nanako ive loved since i first set eyes on them. too cute. it makes me feel so fatherless. its like.. a lot more magnetic than i expected it to be. i love it even with all its flaws. i saw a meme about it being like twin peaks and thats kind of so real. and you know i love a murder mystery... so yeah tldr i like persona now. but its hard to talk about it on here because it is such a big fandom but not like an active one like spiderman or like good omens or whatever slightly more normal people are watching so its kind of intimidating. maybe ill get over myself, maybe ill go silent for 3 months until i get into something new. we'll see i guess LOL

my gender identity TUMBLR MOMENT I KNOW but i dont know.. ive had a lot of time to myself recently and its kind of brought things to the surface that i just didnt have time or space to think about before. turns out there was a LOT OF STUFF i was repressing without even knowing. like that tweet 'im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idrc about that rn'. i posted on instagram "gender around cis people: boy, gender around trans people: girlboy, gender by myself: computer program" and that kind of sums it up i think. can i coin like.. complicatedgender. where your answer to the question "whats your gender?" is "it's complicated..." cause thats me. its just COMPLICATED okay!!!! but my pronouns havent changed or anything so its chilllllll

going to bed at a reasonable time. i phrased that like a joke answer but its true. i downloaded pokemon sleep and now i go to bed at 11:30pm cause at 11 i get a notification saying my pokemon are sleepy and shit i gotta take care of my pokemon!! i dont even know if its doing me any good to be honest like i dont feel much better when i wake up but making myself get into bed and shut my eyes means more thinking time and to be honest my favourite activity is thinking. even if as silly as it sounds i never give myself time to do it. its playing a weirdly big role in my life rn so yeah id say im obsessed with it!!!

this asmr video. im secretly always posting about asmr so really i could just say that, but like, ASMR | The Mortician (No Talking – You're Dead) specifically is such a mainstay i can feel its influence seeping into my life like an infection. this video would actually show up in my recommended for YEARS but i never watched it. gave me a major ick for some reason. but then i got into this guys stuff and saw it again and thought id give it a go and now its like an extra limb. fuck my 3rd bullet point, this is my gender identity. i could not articulate in words what it is about the mortician that i love so much, but i really really do. i am certifiably obsessed. cant believe i made it through this whole thing without mentioning alex. but there you are. yay this was fun :D