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slugtranslation-hypmic · 4 years

Note

Here’s a pet tax!! This times he’s nuzzling against my arm!

Btw here’s your excuse to talk more about Dice. Or,,,any of Fling Posse! Have fun!

Oh, you enabler, you. Thank you for this opportunity and for the bunny picture.

A collection of thoughts on Dice and why he may very well be the most important character to Ramuda. Put under a cut for some slight TDD spoilers.

Dice’s Personality Traits

Compared to the other two nosy Nancies that make up Fling Posse, Dice himself is the king of minding his own business. While he does display definite interest in his friend’s lives - see asking Riou about his favorite food in the ARB event “Riou’s Kitchen” or discussing Gentarou’s latest story in FP/M chapter 7 - he tends to avoid discussing topics that make others feel uncomfortable.

This can make Dice appear oblivious, but Dice is much more emotionally observant than most characters give him credit for. Let’s take chapter 14 of FP/M for a great example of this. I’ll link it here, and I encourage you to read through it again paying careful attention to his facial expressions.

Dice begins the chapter deep in thought and adopts a solemn facial expression for the next few pages. Something is clearly preoccupying him.

However, the moment Ramuda appears, Dice begins acting much more animated and begins playing along with Ramuda in an attempt to cheer him up. Note that Dice observed Ramuda acting out of sorts for the entire battle in the previous chapters and hasn’t seen Ramuda awake since (according to chapter 15). He’s likely greatly concerned. It is arguable that his reactions are entirely food motivated...

... except for the fact that he returns to his previously somber state the moment Ramuda is no longer looking at him. Dice also doesn’t immediately accept Gentarou’s suggestion that Ramuda is trying to keep up appearances for their sake.

At the restaurant, Dice begins to play up the cheerful glutton again and attempts to directly cheer up Ramuda by operating under the assumption that Ramuda is disappointed by their loss.

When Ramuda goes to leave, the art emphasizes Gentarou’s concern, but the silhouette of Dice (and the lack of any bulging cheeks or cups carried up to his mouth) in the final panel indicates that he has once again returned to his more serious state. In this scene, Dice recognizes that something has gone terribly wrong.

Each member of Fling Posse is a performer putting on an act, and as noted by Ramuda’s reaction to Gentarou invading his privacy, Ramuda feels most comfortable when each actor plays his part. Dice is aware of this and thus acts the cheerful idiot for Ramuda in these scenes because he recognizes that Ramuda needs that stability.

If I may demonstrate another quick example, take a look at the scene from FP/M chapter 12 and compare how Dice acts without (first image) and with a visibly distressed Ramuda (other images) in the room.

The FP/M mangaka also says (in the afterword of volume 3), “I think [Dice] might have a good poker face and be able to control his facial expressions even when he’s flat out broke. But his posse doesn’t seem to understand that.“ Dice’s poker face is a boon here when he can use it to help the ones he cares about.

For Dice does care very greatly. Dice minds his own business and doesn’t make any overt actions as long as his friends are capable of handling situations on their own. However, the moment he recognizes that they are in over their heads, he takes swift and decisive action (which, in turn, can be harmful to others).

Take this scene in FP/M chapter 10 as a great example. Prior to Gentarou grabbing Hifumi, Dice was firmly a bystander, but he immediately leaps in when the situation escalates. Notice that he removes Hifumi from harm’s way but also serves a shield for Gentarou and focuses his attention on Gentarou’s wellbeing.

He then offers Gentarou physical reassurance with a hand on the shoulder and an out to the situation, which would have allowed Gentarou to move on as if his mask had never slipped if it were not for Hifumi’s next comment. Dice also shuts down Hifumi before it can escalate any further.

Although Hifumi is attempting to justify himself because he doesn’t understand Gentarou’s reaction and doesn’t see what he did wong, Dice recognizes that this statement also denies Gentarou the right to express his feelings on something which is clearly an enormous deal to him.

By labeling Hifumi’s comments as “disrespect” and “hurting people” while simultaneously stressing that this topic is “important”, he allows Gentarou the right to feel upset at Hifumi’s comments. He also continues to use defensive posture in order to keep Gentarou physically safe (which must be an intentional choice on the artist’s part, as Hifumi mirrors this pose a few pages later as he begins to defend Doppo). Even though Dice’s reaction crosses the line when he, in turn, begins to hurt someone else, removing Gentarou from the situation, validating his feelings, and making Hifumi stop is exactly what Gentarou needed but was unable to provide for himself.

Dice is a damn good friend and an exceptional person. If you ever find a friend like Dice, don’t let them get away from you.

Saving Ramuda’s Life

Let’s switch gears for a moment to take a look at what goes on in Ramuda’s mind. As a disposable pawn for the Party of Words, Ramuda has an atypical view of the world. He genuinely enjoys the company of others and can form real bonds, but his primary motivation in life is fully self-centered: keep himself alive. Every order he receives comes with the caveat of, “Failure brings death.” The fear of death is enough to drive him to betray his closest friends in TDD, even Jakurai, who clearly means a lot to him.

^ TDD chapter 13. Ramuda receives an order from Ichijiku to handle the Jakurai side of things in the TDD breakup and reflects on the time that Jakurai saw who his true personality and not only accepted it but welcomed it.

Bear with me if you’ve seen me talk about this before, but Ramuda’s ability to feel emotions is considered a fluke. Ichijiku describes it as a “malfunction” and a “nuisance” for his job. She also describes Ramuda himself as a “failure” and “worthless”, sometimes to Ramuda’s face.

Ramuda internalizes this. Notice’s Ramuda’s reactions to slipping up and having an emotional outburst in TDD chapter 9 and FP/M chapter 8.

The former of these features Ramuda looking frightened (either due to concern of losing his life for revealing more than he should have done or fear that Jakurai will consider him as “worthless” as everyone else does), insulting himself, and self-harming. While the insults and self-harm are as stereotypically cute as the rest of Ramuda’s facade, the core idea remains that he believes showing his true personality is as idiotic and worth of punishment as everyone else believes. The lack of self-worth is ingrained in him.

The slightly more grown-up Ramuda in FP/M does not react as dramatically, but I really want to draw your attention to the question, “Was I spooky?” It’s worded in a deliberately silly manner because of Ramuda’s speech style, but he is asking his supposed friends if the real version of himself is frightening. Tell me, Dice. Does seeing me scare you? Do you want to run away now before it’s too late? It’s an innocent question on the surface level, but considering the about face his last friend turned after learning more about Ramuda’s real life and job, this question demonstrates that Ramuda’s view of himself has hardly changed for the positive since then.

(Also please observe Dice’s reaction. The pause is him getting into character in order to cheer up Ramuda after a clear emotional upset.)

Therefore Ramuda is a person running entirely on self-preservation but with no sense of self-worth. He sees himself largely the same way Chuuouku does and expects everyone else to do the same. This greatly limits his worldview and prevents him from considering possible other options besides, “Do or die”.

If most of the other cast members found themselves in Ramuda’s shoes, they would have the knowledge and ability to consider other options such as running away, asking for help, or fighting back. Yet Ramuda never considers any of these. He does not have the life experiences the other cast members have to consider making any of these options. He has never observed them or had an outside source present them as options to him. Once the order comes down the pipeline from Ichijiku, it is set in stone. He can hate the order - take a look at another illustration from TDD chapter 13 - but he considers its execution inevitable.

This is why the order to hypnotize Jakurai in FP/M chapter 11 hits him so hard. Now “do or die” has become “die or die”, and his only decision comes down to the nature of his death.

Yes, this situation could have been avoided by talking to Jakurai. Jakurai gives him multiple opportunities to speak up before and during the battle, but Ramuda doesn’t have the ability to recognize those as options for help. In Ramuda’s book, people don’t help him. “Help” doesn’t exist.

In fact, the entire TDD situation could have been avoided as well if Ramuda had trusted his friends, spoken up, and explained the situation. Jakurai (not to mention Ichirou and Samatoki after a fashion) would almost certainly have helped, and that seems to be what Jakurai was waiting for. Once he pushed Ramuda too hard by accident and caused an outburst, he stepped back and waited for Ramuda to come forward on his own terms. But that’s utterly foolish, because Ramuda doesn’t operate on his own terms either. Ramuda doesn’t have his own terms. He lives and thinks the way the Party of Words wants him to think, and if the Party of Words does not want him to speak up and ask for help, then he will never, ever be able to.

The beauty is that Dice is not Jakurai. As mentioned above, Dice minds his own business up until the point a friend of his is over their head, and it’s when Ramuda starts to pull out the True Hypnosis Mic in order to kill himself for Chuuouku that Dice finally acts.

As is the case with Gentarou up above, Dice acknowledges that he doesn’t fully understand the situation but offers physical reassurance, advice, and the implicit argument that Ramuda’s real strength is something of value. Dice writes the word “help” into Ramuda’s dictionary with genuine love and affection.

While Ramuda still can’t consider any option other than “do or die”, it is Dice and Gentarou’s intervention that imbues him with enough self-worth to even consider placing his own wants and needs above Chuuouku’s.

It is this that lays the groundwork for The Loneliness, Tears, and Hope of a Puppet and gives Ramuda the basic agency to even consider acting for himself and, contrarily, acting in line with consideration for other people. It’s this that allows him to avoid ruining Jakurai’s life a second time and this that allows him to accept Gentarou and Dice’s promise of friendship. In the drama track itself, once again it is Dice and Gentarou intervening and challenging Ramuda’s preconceived notions in order to save his life.

Gentarou absolutely plays a vital role in this as well, but it is Dice that chooses to make the first move. Had he not said anything, Ramuda would have used the True Hypnosis Mic and died onstage in front of the audience.

It is sometimes the tiniest of actions and the smallest pieces of support that make all the difference. Sometimes all it takes is someone being unafraid to reach out and flip a die over so it lands on a different number.

#not a translation #asks #dice arisugawa

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tickle-bugs · 3 years

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I had two people ask for some advice on starting up/running a blog, so I thought I’d make a little post for anyone else looking for advice! There’s no one right way to run a blog and I am by no means an expert. This is just a compilation of some of the things I’ve learned :)

Feel free to add advice to this!

- The first thing is something I cannot stress enough. Write for yourself first. You will be absolutely miserable if you’re only writing for attention. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s so incredibly important. If you don’t like a prompt, fandom, or scenario? You don’t have to write for it! A personal example: I’m a theatre kid and total musical nerd. I could probably write some compelling Dear Evan Hansen or Hamilton headcanons if I wanted to, but I don’t. That’s fine! I’m allowed to say I won’t write for it and deny prompts/requests for those fandoms.

- Set boundaries. This is a very mixed community with all sorts of creators and participants with hands in different baskets. Don’t want minors to interact? Put minors DNI in your bio. SFW only? Put it in the bio. No RP? Bio. This goes for private conversations/askbox/other interactions as well. If someone comes into your askbox/dms and says something that makes you uncomfy, shut it down.

- My advice is more geared towards writing than art or video, but I suppose you could apply this advice as well. Make what makes you happy! If you’re only in one fandom, feel free to stay there and make content for it. Multi-fandom? Excellent! Completely non-fandom? Epic! Make the content that you want to see and the content that makes you happy to create, especially if you’re in a more niche fandom/area.

- Organization. ...I’ll admit this one is more of a personal pet peeve than something urgent, but it is something that people positively respond to. If you have some sort of consistency/organization to your blog, it’ll make it easier and more enjoyable for people to navigate. Make a fandom list/indicate your fandoms somehow (mostly for prompt purposes. people can’t read your mind, so it’s important to tell them what you will write for and what you won’t, however you want to do that)!

Make a masterpost/link your fic tag! Use a fic tag of some kind. Give your fics summaries and leave a little bit of the fic above the ‘read more’ to intrigue folks (look at #my fics and my masterpost for basic examples of how I do this, if you need!). Use read mores. Please use read mores (if you can, idk if they’re on mobile. regardless no one wants to encounter a three thousand word block of text on their dash). (No seriously though, organize your blog, even if it’s super simple. literally just a ‘mine’ or ‘my fics’ or ‘[pseud] writes’ and a fandom tag. It’ll make it easier for people to find your stuff and support you)

- Practice general internetiquette. Please remember that the people in this community are real people with feelings, boundaries, and lives outside of the blog that they run. Be genuine and people will respond to you! Don’t manipulate people into likes/reblogs/attention. No one wants to be on the other end of that. Being in this community isn’t a transaction or a mosh pit, it’s an experience.

- Be ever-so-liberal with the block button. Someone’s user makes you uncomfortable? They give you bad vibes? They’re a minor/older than you and you don’t want them interacting with your content? You don’t wanna see their blog for some reason? Block em. This goes for anons too. That’s what the button is for. Don’t feel guilty for using it. Use it.

- How you write is 100% a personal choice and not really something that I can give advice on, but embrace your style! take prompts if you want, or don’t. Write oneshots, series, drabbles, or novels. Write romantic, or don’t. Etc. Change things up if you feel like it. Do what you want. Your blog, your style, your rules.

- Numbers matter. Don’t let them define you. This is a bit of a harder one to explain, but I will try. I often say that I don’t care about numbers, and I really don’t, but that’s not to say that I don’t see them and they have zero effect on me. I absolutely notice and am bummed if a fic doesn’t get notes, or at least the notes that I was expecting. That is entirely normal and okay to experience. What isn’t okay, though, is creating for the sake of getting notes/numbers/attention (re: write for yourself first, internetiquette). If you find yourself relying on tumblr for gratification and a reward, I implore you to take a break. I’m not your therapist or your parent, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but when you make things only for the sake of notes, people notice. Celebrate your milestones. Know that it’s okay to be bummed about low notes/celebrate getting plenty. Just make sure that you don’t depend on the numbers for your happiness, or you will be miserable.

- You’re (probably) doing this for free. You are providing people content: a service. Produce as much or as little as you’re comfy with, but always remember that. No one is entitled to what you make. If someone asks you for headcanons, sends a prompt when prompts are closed, etc, and you don’t feel like fulfilling it? You have no obligation to do that. Getting commissioned is another story entirely, but as long as you’re making free content, you have zero obligation to do anything for anyone and certainly no time constraints. It can take me months to finish prompts, and that’s okay. I do them when I do them and I fill them how I want to. If my prompts are closed, I deny new ones until I’m ready to accept them. Make yourself happy first.

- How you interact with others is up to you! It’s generally considered good practice to like/reblog your mutuals fics/art, but this is not necessarily a hard and fast rule. I veeeeeery rarely reblog fics for fandoms that I’m not in, even from my mutuals. What you can do to show your support (and you should try and show support somehow. No one is in competition. Everyone’s in your boat, whether they have no followers or 1k) is send an ask/reply to the post/leave tags to let the author know you liked it. Like the fic and don’t reblog it, if you don’t want to. Just make sure you show your mutuals (and others in general!) roughly the same support they show you, however you decide to do that. Treat others how you want to be treated, as cheesy as it sounds :)

- Don’t repost content that isn’t yours without express permission from the original creator, and credit them appropriately. If you see a cute piece of tickle art and the artist doesn’t want it reposted? Don’t repost it. Don’t post fics/videos/gifs that aren’t yours (obviously if it’s like a scene from a movie/a clip on youtube that’s different, but don’t take credit for things you didn’t make, including ideas). Can’t tell you how frustrating it is to have work stolen from you. Don’t be that person. ‘Credit to original artist’ and ‘credit unknown’ is total bullshit btw. Link/tag the creator in the original post and make it clear you don’t own the content. Best practice is to ask the original creator if they’re okay with reposting, work inspired by or connected to theirs, etc. This goes doubly for saving/downloading someone’s fics.

- It is not illegal for a minor to have normal, nonsexual, healthy friendships with people older than them. There’s a weird attitude that minors have nothing of value to offer adults besides a relationship/sex, which is...not true? Minors are thinking, living human beings with feelings, thoughts, and opinions. You can talk to them like normal people, because they are. Just obviously don’t talk about/introduce sex or endanger them. Minors don’t bring up sex/activities you’re underage for with an adult. IDK this isn’t a seminar just...don’t be weird. Adults can offer great life experience, support systems, and the basic joys and needs of human connection. Minors can too. Mind your business unless someone’s actually in danger. The next point is a caveat, though:

- If you’re a minor, don’t interact with NSFW blogs/blogs with ‘Minors DNI’, NSFW blogs don’t interact with minors, etc etc. Not your parent or whatever but this is pretty common sense and it’s for everyone’s safety, but especially the NSFW person. internettiquette!

- If you use your TK blog as a side blog (meaning you have another blog as your main blog, not two separate accounts) and don’t want your main exposed, that is up to you. I recommend not liking posts. Also, follow people that you trust. These actions route through your main blog and your main will show up in the notes. You can reblog from a sideblog. If you want to send an ask “as your tk blog”, send an anon and sign it somehow, like ‘hey :) // @/tickle-bugs’. It should tag you in the post so you get a notification when it’s answered!

- Find your people! As an anxious person this one has been hard for me, so I know it’s hard for a lot of people. Fandom is literally a community of shared interest. Peachy and I have an iron bond almost two years later and we met talking over shared interests. You can absolutely find your people here. If someone makes you happy, strike up a conversation! Send an ask! You never know what doors it might open or whose day you might improve :)

- If you were an anon/lurker on someone’s blog and they inspired you to write/submit/start your own, sign your messages!! the common form that I see is either an emoji or [noun/context of the ask]!anon (prodigal!anon (i miss u every day), butterfly!anon, etc.) Let us know how to find and support you!! Those messages produce good brain juice.

- The big finale: Have fun. If you’re not having fun here, maybe you could tweak something to make things enjoyable. Running a blog is like driving a car. Keep your hands on the wheel, respectfully indicate your intentions (flashing lights optional), and be safe. Poebody’s nerfect, y’know. If you make a mistake, course correct. I’m by no means perfect. Your favs aren’t either. Just do your best and have a good time :)

@rosytickles and the anon in my inbox, I hope this helps! Thank you for asking me, I’m very honored that you value my opinon/experience/advice. I apologize if I come off as preachy or aggressive, I envisioned grabbing my younger self by the lapels and shaking me vigorously while I wrote this. Probably a bad idea.

Anywho, hope it helps. Anyone with questions, additions, or comments, my askbox is open! Just be constructive, is all I ask.

#bug speaks #advice tag #sorry again if this sounds preachy or aggressive at any point i literally wrote it like i was grabbing younger me by the lapels #these are all things i learned through experience/observation i promise im not talking out of my ass here #the largest obstacle to maintaining a blog is how you view your happiness in relation to it. talked about it above but yeah.#also like i said: not a professional and not your parent. just giving friendly advice sine i was directly asked for it.#might add more to this if I think of more #my askbox and dms are open for questions/comments/additions just pls be respectful and constructive #other tfb community members feel free to add to this!

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sageblogsthings · 4 years

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Do you have any tips on how to write characters with scoliosis in a respectful/accurate way?

Thank you so much for asking! I smiled like an idiot when I saw this ask. :) Let me preface this by saying that scoliosis can vary a lot from person to person depending on the severity of curvature, location of curvature, treatment methods, etc. So I think that, as with anything really, getting a wide range of viewpoints and voices on the issue will make it easier to write! Honestly just scrolling through the scoliosis tag on tumblr will give you a good sense of what it’s like for some people too. With that being said, I’ll talk a bit about my experience, and how I wish that characters with scoliosis were portrayed. Just know that my answer is far from universal amongst those with scoliosis. Also, medical treatment where I live is pretty shitty so I may have some other undiagnosed stuff that I’m attributing to scoliosis who knows lol. And I’m still learning a lot about it myself! Ok, with that caveat out of the way, here we go!

I’m gonna put a tw here for discussions of scoliosis, chronic pain, anxiety, and depression

Also, for those who don’t wanna read about my experiences with scoliosis, if you scroll down there’s 13 tips on how to write characters with scoliosis (a lot of these tips apply to chronic pain in general tho). :)

To talk about my own experience a bit, I was first diagnosed with scoliosis when I was about 10 or so. When I was first diagnosed they told me it was minor and just to watch my posture. Scoliosis runs in my family but for most of my family members it’s pretty mild so I didn’t worry about it and went on my merry way. In hindsight, not the best way to deal with that but ah well.

Flash-forward to college. I had been having back pain and headaches for awhile, but I just figured it was studying for prolonged periods of time, carrying a heavy backpack frequently, and not watching my posture when I studied. I never connected it to scoliosis because I hadn’t had a check-up since that first diagnosis. Again, not the best idea but life happens.

I just finished my junior year in college, and I have had almost non-stop doctors appointments all year. It started after I had some sharp pain in my lower back, and got x-rays to see what was going on. Several doctors appointments and an ER visit later I find out that my scoliosis has gotten significantly worse, and that I have a fractured L5 as well. One thing I don’t see mentioned a lot with scoliosis is that it significantly weakens your spine (usually lower) because your weight distribution is thrown off. I had a job that involved some pretty heavy lifting, and voila fractured L5. 13/10 would not recommend btw.

My curvature (I can’t get consistent answers from doctors) is somewhere in the 20′s in my lumbar region and in the upper 20′s/lower 30′s in my thoracic region. At least with the neurosurgeons I’ve spoken to, they don’t consider you a candidate for surgery until the upper thirties or forties, unless you have significant neurophysiological symptoms. Treatment options vary widely depending on where you live, what you can afford, and what your doctor will give you a referral for, but most doctors will recommend physical therapy off the bat. To my knowledge, most doctors do not recommend bracing anymore, though I think in children that might be different (not so sure on that). So currently, I am waiting on an appointment with a pain management specialist and will go from there.

Even though the curvature in my spine is relatively minor, I still experience significant symptoms. Some of these symptoms include sciatica, pinched nerves in my arms, legs, and back, muscle spasms in my upper back and neck, swelling of my hands and feet, and numbness or pain in my hands and wrists. Also, because my spine curves more in the upper portion of my back, my left lung cannot expand as much as my right lung. This isn’t always a problem, but I get shortness of breath pretty easily, and any respiratory infections make it super hard to breathe properly (pneumonia sucks a butt). There’s also the obvious bit of scoliosis where I stand a little crooked. Another thing I think that not a lot of people know is that how “lopsided” you are can vary from day to day. This doesn’t mean that the curvature is changing day-to-day, but the muscles may be more relaxed or tightened on some days.

So that’s my experience pretty much (bless you if you read all that!). But, to show an example on the opposite end of the spectrum, my friend had (I think) a 30 degree curvature in the thoracic region and 50 degree curvature in the lumbar. He had immediate corrective surgery (I’m not sure exactly what kind) and now aside from the scar on his back and that he looks like a table when he bends over (his words lol i’m not being mean) you would never know. And even weirder, he had no significant symptoms before his surgery aside from occasional sciatica. So your symptoms don’t necessarily depend on the degree of curvature, where the curve is located has a lot to do with it. Typically, more curvature in the upper spine is more painful but that’s by no means always the case.

Ok, so how in the heck does this all apply to writing characters? I promise it does, I’m not just rambling (well, maybe haha).

13 Things to Consider When Writing Characters With Scoliosis:

Their symptoms may vary from day to day. This may mean that some days they can do activities like running or baseball, and other days they can barely type or walk without pain.

They may have no, mild, or severe symptoms, depending on the location and severity of curvature, and other factors.

What is medical care like where they live? Dealing with doctors, neurosurgeons, physical therapists, etc. is just a part of having scoliosis, and very often an incredibly draining aspect. This is especially true if you have anxiety or other factors that make going to the doctor even more unpleasant.

Were they misinformed about scoliosis? Unless you go to someone who specializes in scoliosis treatment, you’re probably gonna get inaccurate information about something. For example, I was told constantly as a kid to watch my posture. Yes, this can have an impact, but more and more research is showing that scoliosis in many cases is influenced more by hormones (especially in teenage years) than posture. There’s also more egregious examples of this, such as a neurosurgery PA who recently told me not to ever use CBD to alleviate pain because it’s a “gateway drug.” This is literally impossible. So for writing, this could translate into frustration or even anger for your character. But it could also make for some funny situations later! I wrote down everything that crazy PA told me and it still makes me laugh from time to time.

Don’t give them a back-breaking job. It will literally break their back lol. I’m not saying they can’t be active, but if someone is impacted by scoliosis on a daily basis they probably aren’t working as a professional wrestler. Or maybe they are, and your story is trying to explain how that works lol

What do they do to manage the pain (if they have it)? For me, the symptoms are typically inflammatory in nature so things like ice, heat, turmeric tea, and anti-inflammatory medications help relieve the symptoms. This is one of those things where getting other viewpoints is good though too!

Is their spine visibly crooked? If so, are they self-conscious about it? This varies a loooot, and may even vary with symptoms. For example, maybe some days when the pain isn’t bad they wear a cute dress that shows their shoulder-blades. But then when the pain is bad, they just want to look like a hobo. I say this from experience lol.

Have people treated them differently because of it (positively or negatively)? Some people may experience bullying if their scoliosis is more visible, especially as a child. They may also be treated differently by adults, who are trying to look out for them, but nevertheless it still makes them stand out from other kids.

Do they make jokes about it? For example, I can be found frequently saying “my spine said yeet!” or “straight spine? idk her” or my personal favorite “my spine is about as straight as I am.” Scoliosis sucks, but living with it you learn to find humor in it too.

Are they going to get surgery for it? I can’t speak on this part since I haven’t had surgery, but I would imagine that there is a psychological aspect to this that you would want to mention for your character, as well as any logistical aspects like finances, dealing with trash insurance companies, etc.

How does scoliosis impact their mental health? This is one of my pet peeves, and it’s entirely founded in a lack of resources and education, so I’m not aiming this at anyone specifically. But scoliosis does impact your mental health, especially if you have pre-existing conditions like anxiety or depression already. It can be incredibly depressing to want to do something as simple as going for a walk, but you’re in too much pain. It can also really impact anxiety. For example, when I found out about my curvature change in college I had one of the biggest anxiety attacks I’ve ever had. There is also the added issue of not being able to breathe properly at times, which can make a panic/anxiety attack much worse (in intensity or duration). Of course, mental health issues can also be exacerbated by the environment you’re in, so that is definitely something to consider for your character.

What was their diagnosis like? What factors impacted their ability to get a diagnosis? Lack of adequate medical care or having crappy insurance is a huge problem, and it makes it really hard or even impossible for some people to get a diagnosis. And for most neurosurgeons or specialized treatment facilities you have to have that diagnosis and referral for them to be able to do anything. There may also be aspects of your character’s home life that prevents them from getting a diagnosis. Do their parents think they’re faking it, or that they just need to sit up straight? Is your character trans, and/or wears baggy clothing? I’ve heard several stories of undiagnosed cases because of this, so it’s something to consider.

Ok, I think this is the last thing (huge huge thank you to anyone still reading this!!). But please, if you’re writing a character with scoliosis, or any chronic issue/disability for that matter, avoid the trope of you’re still beautiful to me/you’re beautiful anyways/I don’t see your disability. Some people might not get what I’m saying here, so let me explain a little. If you have a character with significant scoliosis, to the point it impacts their daily life, and they meet another character (potential friend, love interest, whatever) and this new person grows to love them in spite of their scoliosis/disability, that is a huge red flag. It implies that they are seeing them through a lens of not having the disability, and they love that version of your character. But that is not your character in reality, because your character in reality has a very real disability. In general, just try to avoid the “I don’t see __,” in writing and real life. That could be applied to a disability, or the character’s race, sexuality, etc. In all cases, it dismisses a fundamental part of who that character is, and what experiences have shaped them into who they are. If your character has scoliosis and it has shaped who they are, it is important for other characters to recognize that as well, otherwise they aren’t really seeing that character in their “full glory,” if that makes sense. I’m rambling a bit at this point and I’m sure there’s other posts that make this point better than I have, but the takeaway is just please don’t write scoliosis as “you’re beautiful anyways.” Scoliosis or no scoliosis, it’s just “you’re beautiful.” Full stop. But part of how your character may come to recognize that beauty within themselves, or how others see it within them, may be influenced by their experiences with scoliosis.

Phew, I did not expect that to get so long but it’s a topic I’m passionate about and I haven’t seen information on scoliosis geared towards writers before, so hopefully this will help! Again, a lot of this is based on my own experiences so please do not take any of this as a universal guide to scoliosis, it definitely isn’t. And if I’ve said anything that people disagree with (or even agree with!) or have questions about, I am always open to polite discourse and discussion. :)

I hope that this answered your question some, and if not feel free to let me know! Thank you so much for asking this!

#ask #scoliosis #writing characters with scoliosis #kit chats #am i oversharing? probably #am i gonna share this anyways? yes #chronic pain #writeblr #representation #kit answers

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jordm · 5 years

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Heartland 12x02 - Hearts Run Free review

Previously on Heartland:

Mitch: I’m dating again

Me: I know. You’re in two hallmark movies in the span of a month (Winter Castle & Winter Love Story - btw)

OK, jokes aside, I’ve already seen Winter Castle but if anyone is actually interested in me recapping Winter Love Story, out later this month, I can try to do a live blog type thing.

ANYWAYS, onto the episode!

Tim

Anyone else kind of upset there was no ‘we know something they don’t?” thing where we see the whole convo that went down and then him coming to the house to move in, even though the family doesn't? That way we can truly appreciate why each party is acting said way. Gosh, for such an important event we don’t even SEE Casey.

Anyways, Team Jack. He def should have consulted Jack first - plus begs the question - how temporary is temporary in Heartland world?

So in the end Tim tells Lou the truth BUT ASDJHASJDKH we don’t hear it!!!! what the heck Heartland?! All we really get is that timing is a funny thing. And here’s the funny thing, Timing is a funny thing. Especially when Music overlaps with what the speaking.

Amy & Ty

Amy & Ty are starting to work together - and it’s coming together thanks to Dean’s approval and pleasant surprise over Amy’s work with Bandit - and after hearing that they are now starting to work together as the ‘dream team.’

Anyways when said mare and foal (currently unnamed) escape again, Amy and Ty find them in another situation (when will they learn?!), but this time it’s the mare whose in trouble. long story short, this is when they come to the conclusion that Will’s herd at Pike River is the perfect place for them - and I agree. it really does seem pretty perfect.

Speaking of reminiscing:

“The wedding that never happened” - Ty

“And thank goodness it never happened; could you imagine Lou?” - Amy

Jack

I honestly just feel bad for Jack the entire episode. First Lisa ditches her husband on their romantic long awaited weekend for Aunt Evelyn, then Tim without warning moves in. I mean, i’m still a lil upset it ruined Amy/Ty’s weekend alone time but ehhhh I guess it’s okay. ANYWAYS, Pike River.

Pike River (Amy, Jack & Ty)

So I know that it was billed as - or in my head as a romantic weekend but... as I watch it play out, even if it was just the two of them, I am coming to terms that it probably wouldn’t be very romantic as the head of the herd seems to be causing problems and having trouble accepting the mare and foal. Plus, they did get plenty of alone time when Will was with Jack.

“And now we’re married. Have our own beautiful baby girl. I’d say we’re doing pretty good” - Ty

Amy and her horse whisperer sense talks to the head of the herd and gets through - convinces the head to accept the mare/foal. Seems like the solution - although it probably took a few days - was somewhat straight forward. True in miracle girl fashion, Will now has two more mouths to feed and Amy has solved another horse issue (PS I’d LOVE to see a horse issue last more than a few episodes - a la Phoenix or Spartan. It would really show Amy testing her skills)

“You’re a cowboy Jack. You always have been, always gonna be and Lisa loves you for that and don’t go changing into someone else- especially when that someone else sounds like the idiot I used to be” - Will

God bless Will for cheering up Jack about Lisa - for suggesting a guys day fishing trip. I'm a little... skeptical because we see Lisa crying in stills with Jack later on in the season right? So I’m guessing that either something major happens during this fishing trip or it never even happens. And I just don’t want to think about that. Please let this fishing trip happen because I want to hear more stories from the past!

Lisa

So here’s a timeline of my thoughts:

7:19 - So Evelyn’s emergency is that she wants Lisa to... be her travel companion? Because... she’s lonely and her boyfriend isn’t the greatest? Call me skeptical but early on i’m Team Jack - she’s about to forgo a long awaiting trip with Jack to be with her aunt - a grown woman with her own friends and who can travel herself. So we’ll see how this plays out.

13:36 - So apparently Evelyn is sick? Lisa seems to believe it but Jack is skeptical. Maybe a compromise that she leaves after said romantic weekend? Did they even discuss how long she’d be going for because Jack seemed against her going all together when we don’t even know for how long or the finite details.

27:15 - Gotta love Will for talking Jack off the ledge and kind of seeing things from a different perspective. Advice once given to Will by Jack himself.

36:58 - So Lisa has decided to go... (boooo) but is also going to be Amy/Ty’s first full time clients? So bittersweet I guess. I’m looking forward to seeing Amy and Ty working together more and more at Fairfield but also sad because Lisa won’t be there. Or in this season at all.

40:04 - okay stop breaking my heart Jisa and please come back soon. please. pretty please? Jack needs you with Tim around.

Georgie

She heard about an opening for a high level training coach - Kim Price. She feels that she should give it a shot since Amy always feels bad for not spending enough time with Georgie. I’m with Georgie - plus this is waaay better for Amy and frees up her time to work on her new business venture.

Turns out (as we all probably expected) Amy only wants whats best for Georgie, even if Georgie insists that “Amy is best.” (she isn’t) It is nice to see Amy kind of upset that Georgie “fired her” even if she knows she is absolutely in the right and it’s for the best - I truly believe that just because you know something is right, doesn’t mean it can’t hurt; if you really cared in the first place then it SHOULD upset you a little even if you know its right.

Looks like Kim is down to train Georgie, with a caveat - she has to ride of horse of choosing. AKA not Phoenix, but Georgie refuses - she’s a loyal one and something tells me movie magic will make her make the time of 0:56. (alas i am proven right - i mean in the sense Kim agrees even though she was 1 second over)

Lou

Lou’s calling her father, asking how things went with Casey. I get Tim is all cagey and shit but give him some time to tell the family. She doesn’t even know if it went well! And it seems evident that... something went haywire because now he’s moving into the house since he sold Big River (a lil prematurely no?)

It’s nice to see her stepping up to take care of Lyndy after so many seasons of being away so often. It’s also nice to see Lou step up to help Georgie with her training and spending time with her daughter - even giving her valid advice. And to see Lou on a horse. Here’s to more of this Lou please.

Because Lou is fine. She’s fine. How often can she say fine before someone believes it? How much can she talk before she talks herself off the ledge? Because they’re totally “friends”, friends in quotes - because that conversation between her and Mitch was... something. A little combative, with both of them trying to pretend they’re 100% over each other when clearly theres still something there.

(I may have said because a little too much in the latter paragraph. Oops)

End Notes

- I managed to type the majority of this during the commercials... which is actually pretty impressive in itself.

- Gotta love Lou’s line of “Given the new living circumstances, I’ll move into the loft” - I’m thinking she’s kind of grateful to be away from this mess and the inevitable Jack/Tim arguments. Did anyone else wish we saw Lou actually take care of Lyndy?

- Ty’s “Why?” is all of us; i bet he thought he was coming as a chaperone - when it really is long not necessary. If only they knew the entire story - actually “if only they knew the entire story” seems to be the theme:

x if only they knew why Tim was really acting that way after whatever went down with Casey

x if only they knew what Jack was going through with Lisa and Tim all at once

- I just LOVE all the faces Lyndy makes during this episode.

Songs In This Episode ( @heartlandians )

Game Called Love - Evan Olson

Here With Me - Joe Alexander Ediekn

Remember - Joey Landreth

#heartland #review #12x01 #season 12 #hearts run free

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seriouslycromulent · 5 years

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So I’m catching up on Legends of Tomorrow...

I missed the last 2 weeks because I’ve been so busy at work (still am actually), but I finally got around to watching episode 7 - “Hell No, Dolly!”

But before I watch the midseason finale, I just want to share a few thoughts -- not related to, you know, John breaking the timeline and sending us all into a world of cheesy TV parodies.

Here we go ...

I was a bit nervous when it looked like they were going to bring Dez into the Constantine storyline on Legends. Mainly because Dez’s end in the comics is a pretty gruesome one, and it mirrors what’s been happening around the States, Brazil, and many parts of Europe with the current rise of neo-fascism. And frankly, most CW shows don’t want to touch on those heavy issues in an authentic way because it would betray their teen-friendly content that always has a happy ending with a message of hope at the end. (The only one I trust to actually give that topic its due is Black Lightning, but that’s a different conversation.)

For those who don’t know, in the Hellblazer comics, Dez gets murdered by members of the National Front. He’s literally tortured and sliced open until he bleeds to death. Like I said, it’s gruesome and John takes it hard. Now, by this time in the graphic novels/comics, John has established a reputation of getting people close to him hurt or killed on a consistent basis. He knows it and he keeps his friends to a minimum because of it ... and well, because he’s a bastard too.

So Dez’s death shakes him because there’s no two bones about it. He was killed because he was with John when the National Front picked them up and because he was black.

In a way, I’m glad that the Legends of Tomorrow’s Dez isn’t that guy. Or if he is meant to be, they changed his character’s backstory so much, devoted Hellblazer fans can pretend that it’s not the same guy. Yeah, it sucks that this Dez -- the LoT Dez -- is still killed because of John, and John knows better than to get close to someone, but I’m still glad they didn’t follow the story in the comics.

With that being said, I’m also disappointed that they kind of shoe-horned in this romantic relationship for John that feels very much out of place for him here. John doesn’t fall for anyone easily. Not romantically. And he doesn’t rent a flat (not an “apartment,” this is JC for Pete’s sake!) to shack up with someone after a few weeks together. Not without some serious chemistry.

And that’s just it. This Dez doesn’t work for me because the actor playing Dez doesn’t seem to have any real chemistry with Matt Ryan. To be fair, we don’t get to see much of them interacting, but it still isn’t there even for what we get. It was strongest on-screen at the end of the episode when John tried to push Dez away to save him. (I say “tried” because I have a feeling how this storyline is going to wrap up.) But ultimately, I’m not believing that these 2 met and John just went against all his common sense, past experiences, and known caveats to be with Dez in a long-term relationship. I need to see more of their story or at least feel some genuine chemistry between the 2 actors before I’m buying John throwing caution to the wind.

There’s also a part of me that wishes they had kept LoT Dez and skipped the romantic relationship that doesn’t quite gel, or simply chose a different character from John’s past that he did have a romantic relationship with. Or better yet, gave him a new pre-LoT/post-NBC Constantine lover to dog his memory.

But with this storyline, it just feels like they wanted to show Matt Ryan lip-locking with a male actor and play service to those who only care about John as a bisexual character and little else. Which unfortunately, on Tumblr, is like 95% of the so-called Constantine fans.

My point is John deserves better. He deserves to have his character treated with the full appreciation of his past and every aspect of who he is -- not just who he shacks up with. I know this is an ensemble show, so it can’t all be about John. But it has a reputation of putting people together as a couple who have no real chemistry (::cough:: Ray & Hawkgirl ::cough::). So clearly when it comes to John, I want something better for him.

I want to give the Berlanti-verse a chance here because I do believe they are trying, especially within the confines of the Legends of Tomorrow style and tone. But this piece of John’s story just didn’t work for me. I thought they did a great job a few episodes back with the scene in the pub in Liverpool where he meets his mum and tries to kick his dad in the balls. And I’m willing to give them a few credits for references and lines thrown here and there, but this LoT Dez just feels a bit too forced. (Plus, random references to bits and characters in the comics is something any poor writer with access to a Wiki can do.)

And look, before anybody comes @ me, I’m fine with changing things up. I mean, if they don’t adapt anything to fit the era we live in now, then John should still be in the UK, a good 20-25 years older, and making references to his wife by now. So please, don’t think I’m a purist.

But I really want the writers to do John justice if they’re going to spin him off to his own show on the CW like Matt Ryan said they’re considering. And I know that it’s hard to do him justice given the much lighter, frivolous tone of LoT, which I kind of like btw. In the end, Matt Ryan asked us die-hard Hellblazers to hang in there because he’s working his butt off each episode to make sure we feel that it’s the character that we know and love from the comics. And I appreciate that, so I’ll keep watching and ... hoping.

Now, about that shattering the timeline thing, John ...

#john constantine #constantine #legends of tomorrow #lot #matt ryan #hellblazer

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fourteen--steps · 6 years

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On big goldfish, and listening to each other

I apologize if the tone of this post is maybe a little more snippy than my usual ones. I’m usually very thoughtful with my words but I’ve had an incredibly rough physical and emotional week and I’m running low on spoons to devote to thinking things through properly. My frustration’s gonna bleed through here but I don’t want anyone to take it personal cause it’s really more me than you.

That said.

Remember that whole trend a while ago of “don’t give advice on animals you haven’t kept or deeply researched?” What ever happened to that? What ever happened to respecting the expertise and hearing out the opinions of people who actually have it in that field vs demanding you’re right because you’ve read some care sheets and seen some photos of worst case scenarios?

My whole life and world has been immersed in goldfish for the last several years. Keeping multiple breeds of both single tail and fancy, reading, researching, joining everything from casual hobbyist groups to those of serious breeders and highly respected names. I’ve moderated, built, and eventually owned my own care forum. I’ve spent hours reading vet manuals and scientific articles, as well as conducting necropsies on every animal I lose to better understand their inner workings and what’s gone wrong. I had the wonderful experience last summer of raising a small batch of someone else’s fry. I’ve experimented with all different kinds of food and filtration and maintenance and decor and enrichment.

I don’t know everything, nobody can. I’m not perfect, nobody is. But I can say with confidence I know a lot about the care and keeping of goldfish overall, and that my information is overall very solid and thought out.

So when someone comes in my inbox and asks my opinion on something goldfish related, my answer comes with all that experience and thought behind it. I often include caveats in my answers when I’m not 100% sure, or if I believe there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. I’m not so bigheaded as to believe that my way is absolutely always right and will work for every situation and every fish. But I answer in earnest and with confidence and reasoning.

But then my posts get immediately doused with comments from people who to the best of my knowledge have little to no experience with the species. The ones who do have experience tend to be polite in their responses, if not a bit misguided, although even then their knowledge tends to bottom out at keeping some orandas in a 40B or having tended a garden pond. Often the other comments are far more cursory and involve varying amounts of dismissal of my opinion entirely, insults, condescension, and most frustratingly, wild misinformation (much of which I’ve only heard echoed back and forth within the microcosm of tumblr, and never from a reputable outside source)

Like I’ve read a fair amount about bettas now both on here and elsewhere just cause they’re such popular fish and I’m a nerd and I’m curious. But I’ve never kept one, and I’m not an expert, and I’d never go be snappy on the advice post of someone who I know has a lot more practical and academic knowledge with them than I do? At the very least I could politely ask a question or voice a dissenting opinion with some of my reasoning, possibly acknowledging the deficits in my experience, but diving straight in with the vitriol just baffles me.

It’s come to my attention people are vagueing about me now and that’s just? So fucking childish and unnecessary. I’m also being accused of having stunted fish based on, among other things, the old eye proportion criteria, but btw that image of the ranchu that circulates as an example? Is heavily photoshopped and not a reliable catchall method to determine stunting.

For those who didn’t believe Zoom is as big as I said, I took this picture today. He’s not the most personable of my fish so he wouldn’t let me get him against a measuring tape but I measured my hand like that at about 4 inches, then pasted those identical bars on him (swear the blue bar is the same I just recolored so it’d stand out, not sure why it looks a little longer than the red). He’s just under 8 inches, nose to peduncle. Maybe even a tad longer cause he always curls a little when I flip him on his side (also why his side looks a little sunken here, he was getting ready to snap back and splash me in the face :P). When measuring goldfish you don’t include fins, by standard. If you wanna tack on the extra inch or so of tail go ahead and call him 9″

I also weighed him, he’s 109 grams which is a tad less than I’d like but I’ve been having issues with one fish in the tank needing a specialized diet so they’ve all been getting a little less protein than usual lately. The fish with the diet issue is probably going to be going back to @finefeatheredfish soon and I can pick up with weekly Worm Nights as usual again. His body condition is still good though rounded from above without being bloated, muscular rather than fatty, with a nice smooth taper head to tail and a bit of a belly. He’s not a very tall fish, but that’s more cause he’s a badly bred feeder fish who doesn’t fit the perfect common genetic standard than anything. Height isn’t about health, that’s a genetic characteristic that some fish just won’t achieve. In fact many tall “humpy” commons are not actually properly tall, but have large fat deposits along the tops of their bodies particularly built up behind the head which are an indicator of poor diet and overfeeding.

In fact if you want, here’s the US hibuna show standard! Take a look!

What about the eye thing? It’s huge compared to his head right? Well here’s a shubunkin posted by Gary Hater, currently one of the most well respected breeders in the US hobby, both for his fish quality and welfare standards. Who incidentally keeps most of his in aquariums and states that they normally reach 6-8″ indoors. This fish was from his “giants” tank, one of which he said was roughly 10 inches. This one in the video looked a little smaller than aforementioned Big Boy so I figure it’s around 8″ or so, like Zoom. and hey, look at that big googly eye! Almost like eye size can vary naturally in healthy goldfish and isn’t necessarily a sign of stunting without other important factors that are often much more subtle and far less textbook!

The last think I want to bring up, is that this whole “goldfish are ALL large” and by extension “NEED to be large” to be “right” worries me for another reason. I’m concerned there’s a mounting pressure that goldfish should be reaching these enormous sizes that they aren’t meant to, in far too short of a time. Many of the fish that do reach these sizes in captivity, yes even the ones in ponds, reach them due to powerfeeding. Intentional or not, these fish are put on high protein, high filler, sometimes high fat diets, and often fed a lot of it. Outdoor fish also gorge themselves on algae, insects, worms, snails, aquatic plants, sometimes other small fish, anything they can get their greedy little mitts on. Then their owner will dump in a large cup of cheap high protein pond conditioning food and they scarf that down too.

For aquarium fish, a nervous newbie keeper may see their young fish isn’t growing to the size they believe it’s supposed to and get a bigger tank, start feeding extra bloodworms, more meaty pellets, maybe turn the heater up a degree or two to boost their metabolism. They balance it out with lots of veggies so they think it’s okay, they just want their fish to be healthy and catch up to where it’s “supposed” to be! This leads to rapid and impressive growth, yes, but it comes with dangerous and potentially deadly consequences.

Some of you may remember Queenie. She was the largest goldfish I’ve ever personally encountered, 10-11 inches and fat fat with it. Her original owner surrendered her to our LFS and @finefeatheredfish immediately bought her with the plan that she’d move into my 150 when it was set up. She was healthy at the time, some kind of long bodied fancy mix and drop dead gorgeous, though she needed to drop some weight for sure. Too young to be that massive and visibly overweight. She was unquestionably a powerfed pond fish.

Cw for euthanasia mention, pet death, graphic descriptions, next 3 paragraphs

But about a month into her QT she began getting sick, infection-like symptoms but antibiotics didn’t do anything. We worked on her another month, did our best to save her. We probably should have euthanized her earlier in hindsight but we wanted so bad to get her through and give her a happy home. She was just so amazing you know? I took her for the last week of her life to try some last ditch treatment, she died about 3 days after this photo was taken.

I did a necropsy on her afterwards. Her vital organs were layered in fat. There was so much of it around her swim bladder that I thought it was another organ at first and got confused. I’m shocked it was still functional. Her liver was unidentifiable mush, suggesting chronic disease, and her gallbladder had simply exploded and spilled bile all over the surrounding tissue. Her body cavity was full of blood and fluid. The cause of death appeared to be the rupture of her gallbladder or liver and the tearing of some important vessel in that area, she bled out internally.

The chronic liver and gallbladder disease were entirely untreatable for home aquarists. What we thought was infectious dropsy was full on liver failure, she couldn’t balance the fluid and electrolytes in her body anymore which caused the swelling. Likely even if we had taken her to the vet there would have been little they could do. You can’t really remove a fish’s inflamed gallbladder, or transplant in a new liver to replace a failing one. Those conditions are linked to obesity in many species, and I have no doubt that Queen’s diet and obesity were the cause of the chronic conditions that lead to her slow death.

She was powerfed because someone wanted a large, impressive fish, and it killed her. She deserved so much better than that.

CW over

Powerfeeding and its results are not always that extreme, and I can go into more on the other risks and issues if anyone is interested, but this is long enough already. I wanted to include Queenie as a cautionary tale, and because I’m still so sad she never got to meet the rest of my little school. She was such a sweetheart.

I have a genuine concern with this normalization of 12-14″+ fish as average, that people are going to start pushing their pets to meet that. Most goldfish are not genetically capable of that growth. I’d go so far as to say most goldfish should not reach that size, at least not in any appreciably quick period of time.

Feed your fish well. Keep their water clean. Give them room to swim. They will grow on their own time, to their own size.

And lastly. I’m open to talking about this stuff, really. I love to learn new things and hear new sides. Just please, be friendly and mature and let’s have a real conversation? We can disagree politely. It doesn’t have to be black and white, mortal enemies, I know fishblr’s environment these days isn’t very conducive to that, and that’s part of why I’d left a few weeks ago. But I’m trying to give it another chance cause this community used to be really welcoming and wonderful. I’d really love for us to be able to step away from all this polarizing distrust and be open and considerate again.

My responses may be spotty because of the terrible week I mentioned at the beginning of this post but I’ll try and check back.

#I think I kept this mostly together and said most of what I want to say #goldfish #fishblr #long post #fishies #zoom #queenie #pet death mention

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moddeydhoo · 7 years

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"And I'd really like certain parties to leave me tf alone as they've been asked to so I can achieve that balance and, yaknow, not have to have this bullshit weighing on my mind constantly, but it seems that's not happening yet."

[personal/boring, skippable]

It's sad that receiving those dumbass copypasta anons actually made me nostalgic for when said person used to send me that kind of silly stuff with positive motivations.

Shrug. Some people can make you feel so good and heard and cared about when they give you attention, that when they withdraw it and go cold the corresponding feeling is The Worst. Which is... I'm not saying that's unacceptable, because nobody owes anyone attention absolutely and without caveats. Even though arguably saying things like "I'm always here for my friends" and then not being looks a bit crappy, if that's because you're out of spoons to care for people I'm 100% with ya because that where I've been the last couple of months: out of caring spoons and needing to hear that it'll be all right and that I'm valued even when I'm not actively giving.

On the other hand, if it happens that you're not there for someone just because you don't feel like it, that is your right too, but then you have to reconcile that with your self-image of "I'm someone who is always there for people".

Sometimes "I'm a person who is there for their friends within limits and I try my best" is a healthier and more accurate self-image anyway. I really don't care how people see themselves as long as they're not hypocritical or playing the victim. I mean, I myself believe I have a complex personal connection to the mythology of my homeland which I sometimes purposely oversimplify by claiming to be a fucking unicorn, so it's not like I have an unreasonable standard for realism here. If it genuinely, truly harms nobody, do what the hell you want. But in real life what most of us are doing, most of the time, is choosing the lesser of two or more harms, and that's why "I set boundaries and try my best" is a healthier and more accurate self-image than a kind of cartoonish halo of pure purity. Trust a unicorn on this one: I know about purity. I know what a destructive, evil weapon it turns into in the hands of mortals, i.e. all of us.

Chuh. Anyhow. So it's not precisely the coordinated cold-shoulder prior to being blocked that's affecting me so much. Although it was unfortunate to be ditched exactly at the point where my mental health was taking a nosedive... to the point where I had to wonder if it was a coincidence or if I'd become too much of a drag.

I think I was supposed to be the comforting adult who stays exactly the same at all times, always gives attention and never needs it, and when I broke that role by needing help myself, the bunch of them didn't know how to deal. I don't know. In avoiding the fundamental attribution error and trying to be kind sometimes I go too far into making excuses for people, so I really can't tell if I'm balanced on this yet.

And I'd really like certain parties to leave me tf alone as they've been asked to so I can achieve that balance and, yaknow, not have to have this bullshit weighing on my mind constantly, but it seems that's not happening yet. I've mostly been good and stayed off the culprit's blog, although I did cave and check that I was right about who sent the anons (it was obvious, but still).

[btw I'm using generic-they and saying things like "the person in question" because I am not sure of their current name or pronouns and I'm not gonna creep on them just to make sure they've not changed again]

For the record, my suspicions haven't changed and I still think it could have been T--- who sent that repulsive suicide bait to Jamie. I make allowances for many things all my friends do because friends, but that's a topic where I can't afford to fuck around, for my own protection as well as out of principle.

Normally I'm the one opposing black-and-white thinking, but on a few topics there's no wriggle room. You don't purposely trigger the suicidal, you don't molest children, you don't commit sex crimes, you don't torture animals, and if you come for one of us you're against all of us.

#otherkin #mental health #mental illness #friends #suicide #child abuse #aphobia

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sasquapossum · 3 years

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Surviving a Urinary Tract Infection as a Male

Yeah, I know, this subject is going to be either irrelevant or uncomfortable for a lot of people. I also think it's important to get information out there, because there seems to be too little of it. Doctors, manufacturers, and retailers all seem to think UTIs are purely a female problem, even though that has very obviously never been the case. It's an interesting flip on the usual situation where health-care things are too narrowly focused on cis men, with everyone else left out in the cold. I like to think that my own experience has given me an opportunity to reflect on that and maybe gain some empathy, though it's not for me to determine whether I'm successful in that. Anyway, that's enough intro.

Diagnosis

Disclaimer: none of this is medical advice, which I'm not even qualified to give, and should not be construed as such. I'm just trying to share information from a personal layperson's perspective. Caveat emptor.

First, how do you even know you have a UTI? As with so many things medical, pain is going to be your most obvious clue. Does urination hurt? That's not normal. If you think it's normal, you might have some more serious chronic problem and should see an actual doctor. If it's something you're not used to but it's happening now, a UTI is the most likely explanation. Unusual color or odor are also tip-offs, especially if things are cloudy. What, you don't pay attention to these things? Well, start doing so, especially if you're over 40. These observations will tell you a lot about your day-to-day health, not just about UTIs. Producing smaller amounts more frequently, compared to whatever's normal for you, is also a hint. Maybe it's just the result of consuming diuretics like caffeine or alcohol, but if those are things you do they should already be incorporated into your baseline. I'm talking about *unusual* urinary behavior.

As it turns out, I'm more susceptible to UTIs than most cis men. My first encounter happened nearly 25 years ago. I've had a couple more since then, plus some raised eyebrows when doctors looked at whatever they look at to gauge kidney/urinary health. Some investigations ensued, but nobody ever really found anything. I have a couple of theories of my own, but even I have limits on what I'm going to talk about in public. Suffice it to say that I've been around this block a few times, most recently starting a couple of weeks ago. At least this time it didn't start with *blood* in my urine, which only happened that first time. That one will really freak you out. Again, if you see that, go see a doctor ASAP because there's a significant chance that it's something even more serious. And when I say ASAP I mean urgent or emergency care, not just an appointment a week out.

OTC Treatments

I don't happen to have a primary care doctor right now. Yeah, I know. Be that as it may, when I started experiencing symptoms my first impulse was to do the things I could do myself, regardless of whether I also got to a point where I needed/wanted real medical attention. There are quite a few over-the-counter products that are available for this.

The most common treatment is based on the idea of acidifying urine, creating an environment less hospitable to the good old e.coli that is practically always the culprit. Cranberries are the source of choice here, either as plain old juice or as extracts in pill form.

Vitamin C (a.k.a. ascorbic acid) is sometimes recommended for the same reason, but if you're not used to it then large doses of vitamin C can also cause some pretty nasty digestive effects. You have been warned; try at your own risk.

Some cranberry-based pills also contain d-mannose, which is a simple sugar. The idea is the same, to make the bladder a more hostile environment for e.coli.

Another common ingredient is probiotics, supposedly to displace e.coli. I was even able to find some scientific studies supporting this theory for a couple of ingredients - l.rhamnosus and l.reuteri. Unfortunately, even though I love this idea in the abstract, the actual organisms present in most probiotics - even probiotics sold for this speific purpose - are likely to be absolutely useless.

The last treatment-oriented option is methenamine, which is one of the few oral antibiotics (for any condition) that you can buy over the counter. The reason it's an exception is that it's highly specific; AIUI it combines with acidic urine - see above - to produce the actual antibiotic agent which I believe is formaldehyde or some relative. This drug will do absolutely nothing for any other kind of infection, and won't even work for this unless your urine is pretty highly acidic (very high correlation here). The chemistry is kind of cool, actually.

Speaking of interesting chemistry, that brings us to phenazopyridine. This stuff is a pain reducer, not a treatment, and it's funky. For one thing, it will turn urine a very bright yellow or orange, sometimes even bordering on red. I think it's really pretty, but the color has a downside that it could obscure blood in the urine. Also, the packages don't mention this, but it seems to make the urine significantly more viscous. Among other things, this means you have to work a bit harder to fully empty your bladder, unless you like making double trips as the first still leaves you uncomfortable. Practice, practice, practice. Also, I should mention that phenazopyridine has been known to cause neoplasms (benign tumors) in lab animals. Benign is benign, but it's probably still a good reason not to use it long term. Save it for those extra-unpleasant nights, or other times when you really can't afford to be going every 15-20 minutes.

Lastly, there are products that are supposed to help with long-term bladder function. Most of these seem to be based on the same set of pumpkin and/or soybean extracts. I don't know if they work - too soon to tell - but something to consider if you're like me and find yourself in this situation repeatedly.

Miscellaneous Info

This is where we get to the "UTI as a female thing" part. You might go into a drug store and try to find some of these products in logical places. Maybe near "digestive health" since those systems are near each other (and related)? Nope. Maybe in that aisle full of Depends and other old-person products that we all avoid? Nope again. Nine times out of ten, it'll be in the "feminine products" aisle, between pads/tampons and fungicidal creams. I personally have absolutely no problem browsing there, but I guess some other guys find it awkward. If you still don't find it, ask for "azo" products, since that seems to be the big brand. The name's almost certainly from azopyridine but they have multiple products covering most of the other categories as well.

Now, let's talk about leakage. You'll have some. Good fun. If you prefer to go commando ... well, stop. Especially if you're using the orange stuff, because it stains. (BTW it's kind of a dumb idea in general, for reasons ranging from hygiene to sensitivity.) To contain leakage, one option is to buy or borrow some "feminine" pads. Since I have both a wife and a daughter, I had multiple models to choose from. As it turns out, though, a folded-up paper towel works pretty well too. I'm told that this is not a great approach for those with female parts, but it seems like folded-down male parts and briefs keep things pressed in place pretty well. Don't try this with boxers. In fact, for the duration here boxers are kind of as useless as going commando.

You'll want to cut down on both caffeine and alcohol, because they're both diuretics and that's the last thing you want right now. Alcohol also doesn't interact so well with most of the medications you'll be using.

Lastly, you'll want to avoid sex. For one thing, it's likely to be pretty uncomfortable both in the moment and over time. More even than you'd think. For another thing, all these pipes are connected so it's another way for infection to spread or persist. And if those two reasons weren't enough, it's also adding complexity at a time when you might be trying to zero in on what works or doesn't for your own personal physiology. Yes, this includes solo sex, because all of these reasons still apply in that case.

Personal Experience

We're all different. You will probably have a different experience than I did. Nonetheless, I'm including this as one data point that you might consider when you're thinking about which options to try or skip.

Once I realized I was in UTI-land again, my first approach was cranberry juice and vitamin C. This might have worked somewhat, but it also meant being in the bathroom for one reason or another every half hour at most day and night. Unpleasant. So I hit the drug store to pick up some cranberry extract plus d-mannose, and also some azo for the discomfort/frequency. I couldn't find any pills containing probiotics with any science behind them, so I ordered some of those online and switched to those when they arrived.

This seemed to help, so after a couple of days (as long as you're supposed to keep taking azo anyway) I tapered off to see if I was done. Unfortunately nope. These things are all very highly personal and variable, as I said, but for me this approach didn't seem to be working. Time to switch gears. Back to the drug store, to replenish on azo and also get some methenamine this time. I tend toward the acidic side naturally, but I also tried to keep an eye on my diet to keep things that way so the methenamine could work.

Fortunately, third time seemed to be a charm. I was still going more often than usual, with some discomfort, but I chalked that up to the treatments themselves being a bit irritating plus some residual inflammation. The actual infection seemed to have abated, and in particular I hadn't seen any cloudiness for a couple of days, so I tapered off again. This time it seems to have held. The old pipes are still kind of beat up, so I figure it'll be another week before I'm fully back to normal, but it's normal enough that it's no longer interfering with my life. I can drive places further than half an hour away, and back, with confidence. I might even be able to consider flying, not that I have any plans to, but that would have been beyond tolerance before.

Summary

The key is to try something that's generally known to work. Pay attention to whether it's actually working for you. Consider that the treatments themselves are irritating, as you do your evaluation. Don't keep taking anything, especially azo, too long. If what you're trying isn't working, try something else. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and sex. Expect about two weeks from onset through treatment and full recovery. If your trajectory seems to be taking longer than that, stop reading crap on the internet and get some real medical help.

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turtlesandfrogs · 6 years

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Depression self-help

This post is long, because it outlines the process that I followed to figure out tools to help with depression. It should be noted that the strategies at the end are not one-size-fits all, but were suited to our needs. If your situation happens to be close to ours, it should be helpful, but you also need to consider your own unique situation to begin figuring out what might help you. If you’re not in the mood to read the whole thing (and probably very few are) scroll down to TL;DR:

This is a longer post, so possibly best viewed between episodes of depression, and will be written from that perspective. Before I say anything else, I will say that I haven’t been officially diagnosed with depression. I do have a family history of depression, as does my partner, and we’ve both have had periods of time that meet the criteria. I write this in hopes that it might help others; but I also recognize that it might be utterly useless for people.

First off, when I first started doing this, I started by looking at risk factors for depression, to see what I could affect. Here’s what is likely a non-comprehensive list of risk factors (that I bet will change over time):

1. Personality traits (pessimism, low self-esteem, being dependant rather than autonomous or helping support those who support you)

2. Trauma and/or stress

3. Major life changes, even if they are considered positive (eg, getting married, having a kid, moving, etc)

4. Genetic family history of depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism, suicide.

5. Being queer in an “unsupportive situation” (BTW, this is one of the reasons why I think teachers have a duty to not be bigoted, to educate themselves, and to be kind and supportive to queer students, but that’s another post)

6. Personal history of mental illnesses

7. Abuse of drugs, including alcohol

8. Serious or chronic illness, such as heart disease, cancer, stroke, etc

9. Certain medications.

The CDC also lists the following, with the caveat that it’s not exactly always clear which causes what. I tend to think of them as things to work on that might help:

10. Smoking

11. Alcohol Consumption

12. Obesity and Physical Inactivity

13. Sleep Disturbance

14. Epilepsy

15. HIV/AIDS

And here are some other possibilities that I have heard of through the news, but haven’t read the actual source research, nor are they in official institutional lists:

16. Spending time on social media.

17. Spending too much time on the internet/gaming/etc

With these, it really seems like a which-came-first question, though I do believe that they can form a self-perpetuating cycle.

Sources: the Mayo Clinic, NIMH, the CDC.

Of these, some we can’t do anything about, some we can work through and change, though will be really hard, and some are almost impossible to improve until a person gets older and gets more rights. After I found all of these, I started looking for which applied to me/my loved ones, and seeing how we could address them. This is of course one of the times that finding a support person is really helpful- even if they also have depression. Professional help and medication is also a really important and useful tool for a lot of people, but not everyone can/will seek professional help and medication. Some people don’t need it, some people are afraid of it, some people can’t afford it. This post is about how you can help yourself, the focus is not on professional help and medication, but that isn’t because I have anything against them, it’s just because it’s not what I’ve done or had experience with.

Any way. Here’s the condensed list of items that applied to the situation I was working with:

1. Personality traits (pessimism, low self-esteem, being dependant rather than autonomous or helping support those who support you)

2. Trauma and/or stress

3. Major life changes, even if they are considered positive (eg, getting married, having a kid, moving, etc)

4. Genetic family history of depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism, suicide.

11. Alcohol Consumption

12. Obesity and Physical Inactivity

13. Sleep Disturbance

16. Spending time on social media.

17. Spending too much time on the internet/gaming/etc

Still quite a list! And that’s one thing to realize about depression- there are often many factors. Yes, it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that can often be addressed successfully through medication, but sometimes the depression can be managed through addressing life situations, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and so on. If nothing else, if you can address some of the factors during a not-as-depressed point, it can help make the next time better.

The next step I took was to see how I could affect these factors:

1. Personality traits -> Challenge and change thought patterns (at the time, I didn’t know about CBT, but now that I do, it’s definitely something I engage in)

2. Trauma and/or stress -> Talking to people, therapy

3. Major life changes -> Talking to people, therapy

4. Genetic family history of depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism, suicide. -> Bummer. Accept that there is a genetic component, sometimes you’ll feel awful for no reason at all, and realize that some things that are considered normal in our society just don’t work for you. Recognize that you have to work harder than other people to take care of your mental health. Recognize that it’s not your fault, you’re not weak, and you are ok, and loved.

11. Alcohol Consumption -> stop drinking

12. Obesity and Physical Inactivity -> start moving, and start eating more vegetables, fruits, whole grains, legumes, and nuts and so forth. Eat less calorie dense food/ get more nutritional bang for your calorie.

13. Sleep Disturbance -> Get better at sleep hygiene, reset sleep cycle, encourage a healthier circadian rhythm

16. Spending time on social media. -> Reduce usage.

17. Spending too much time on the internet/gaming/etc -> Break the addiction/reduce usage.

Now, in addition to this, I’ve heard the idea over and over that depression is a result of different brain chemistry, specifically low levels of serotonin and dopamine. Oxytocin is another brain chemical I was interested in, so I spent some time looking into how to boost these chemicals in our brains.

When I looked into serotonin, it basically boiled down to: doing things that I know should make me happy, even if I don’t want to at the moment; exposure to bright light; and exercising more. When I looked into dopamine, for some reason there were far fewer reputable websites talking about what you can do to increase your levels. What I do know is that dopamine is connected with rewards, accomplishments, etc, and that exercise and meditation can both increase levels of dopamine. So can slapping a fake smile on your face. Oxytocin is another brain chemical, this time associated with love and a sense of connection- and it’s fairly easy to trigger a release of oxytocin- pet a dog for 5 minutes, or give a hug to a human. Boom. Endorphins are yet another chemical related to feeling good, and it turns out that exercise also boosts them, as does stretching, and pleasant physical contact with another human being. And supposedly, eating chocolate and avoiding sugar. These I put in the category of “try them, record mood data for at least a two week period, and continue if the personal evidence suggest that it’s useful.”

Whew. That was a lot of typing. What this seemed to boil down to, for our unique situation, is the following list:

TL;DR:

1. Get a SAD lamp, and use it for at least 15 minutes a day. Low effort, kind of expensive (unless you get it for free like we did), but it had positive impact.

2. Exercise. If you can’t “exercise”, stretch. We started by trying to do daily walks. Then we added yoga, calisthenics/body weight exercise, acroyoga, aerial, running. Stretching, walking, yoga, calisthenics, and running are all things you can do for cheap or free. They also all can be done with others, which is helpful in boosting those happy brain chemicals.

3. Stop drinking alcohol and eating sugar. Easier said than done, especially in our society, but it made a big impact- both on our mood and our wallets.

4. Improve your sleep. For us, this meant making a rule that we had to get off electronics an hour before bed, and stick to a regular sleep schedule. It also meant exercising more.

5. Start working on automatic thoughts and develop a sense of usefulness and purpose. This is one we are still working on- CBT is big here. We both found we had a lot of automatic negative thoughts; one of the first steps is to challenge the truthiness of these thoughts; ask whether they are helpful/adaptive; and then make yourself think/do positive alternatives. If you’re interested in CBT, this is one place to learn more about it. Part of this also involves scheduling things that are enjoyable, and getting help if you need it to actually make it happen. As we all know, inertia is a big problem in depression, which is why having loved ones who can pull you out into doing things you enjoy is really useful. You can do CBT by yourself (ha, ha) if you have a journal, or as we do with a partner, or with a professional. It depends on where you are and what you need.

6. Reduce social media and internet usage. Not going to lie, this is hard. But there are blocking apps that make it much easier.

7. Do those things that improve your mood. Otherwise known as self care. Otherwise known as doing things that make you happier, less sad, or help you go through life. Otherwise known as things that we collectively suck at in our culture, too beguiled by advertisements that tell us what we “should” want and need.

Step-by-step directions for doing it yourself:

1. Figure out which risk factors apply to you.

2. Look at those risk factors, and see how you can affect or address them. Maybe you need therapy for past trauma; maybe you need to work on your self, talk, maybe you need to improve the quality of your sleep. You won’t know until you look.

3. Develop a strategy for addressing your risk factors, and recruit help.

#personal experience #depression #depression self care #self care for depression #fighting depression

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mylymedlife · 7 years

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Total Eclipse of the Brain.

I have mentioned my struggles with anxiety in other posts, but I’ve never told the complete story, which I will attempt to do here.

As I began using this blog to tell my Lyme story, I thought long and hard about whether to include my anxiety. Let’s face it, my list of physical ailments is long enough to fill a novel, so I’d have plenty of story without even the slightest mention of anxiety. If I went that route, I would escape scott free, and nobody would know about my mental “weakness”. Whew.

For a long time, that was the path I chose. However, after a long period of deep introspection, I realized that treating my anxiety as a state secret was not doing anything to help me overcome it. Maybe it was even preventing me from overcoming it.

For a year and a half I struggled with debilitating anxiety that ever so slowly turned me into a shell of the person I once was. With each passing day, I became more afraid, more emotionally fragile. I was having grade A, paralyzing anxiety attacks anywhere from two to ten times per day. My life was a living hell. And I told no one, with the exception of my husband and my therapist.

During this period, our social life all but evaporated. I left the house only when it was necessary -- errands, doctor appointments, anything for my daughter, holiday events. Getting me to leave the house for anything beyond the above more or less involved a hostage negotiation. And I usually won. Social invitations were declined with a “Susan’s not feeling up to it”, but no mention of anxiety.

Keeping a secret like that is a burden, and I started to feel I wasn’t leading an authentic life. I kept people who loved me and cared about me completely in the dark. When I did actually materialize in public, the anxiety always raged underneath, yet I am told I presented a calm exterior. This made me feel like I was doing a good job of impersonating a fully functioning human being, when I was anything but.

I told myself all the typical lies about mental health issues -- I’m weak. It’s in my head so I should be able to get it out of my head. I should be stronger. I should be able to power through this. I’m embarrassed. I’m a loser.

After the millionth time of telling myself the above, I finally had a revelation. I realized that I had fallen into a hole. And I further realized that beating myself up for falling into that hole was not going to do anything to get me out. It seemed the more useful option would be to start digging.

And that’s what I did.

The first thing I did was to rearrange my thinking to accept and understand that anxiety is not a character flaw. It is no more cause for embarrassment than a cold, or shingles....... or lyme disease.

The second thing I needed to rearrange my thinking about is what it means to be strong. Sometimes the strongest, bravest thing you can do is acknowledge that you are suffering. Say out loud that you don’t have it all figured out. Ask for help. Invite your friends and family into your suffering.

I did all those things. I started by sharing my suffering with two of my closest friends. These friends love me, support me, and would never judge me, yet I found it incredibly difficult to confide the story of my mental anguish with them. I just felt so naked and exposed. Vulnerable. Deficient.

Well, those friends responded exactly the way you would want a person to respond. With deep compassion, love and understanding. They had no idea I had been in such pain, and they showered me with acceptance. It was truly a gift.

Since that went so well, I slowly began to expand the circle of people “in the know”. When I first told people, I told a long story with lots of caveats and explanations for how I ended up in this place. That was the shame talking, of course. I felt like I had to rationalize my illness. I don’t ever feel the need to rationalize why I have a cold, but this felt different.

But a funny thing happened. Nobody judged me. And many people ended up opening up about their own mental health struggles. Or the mental health struggle of a family member. Soon, I realized two benefits of telling my story of anxiety. First, it made it much easer to be out in public in situations that made me anxious because the people I was with knew what I was going through, and that was incredibly soothing to me. Even if they didn’t treat me any differently, the simple fact of their knowing was a balm. Second, the more I shared my story, the less stigmatized I felt.

After a while, a very long “coming out” story became “FYI, I have been fighting raging anxiety for the the last year and a half”. No rationalization. No caveats. No shame.

While sharing my story didn’t cure my anxiety, it made the burden a little lighter, and I felt I was living a more authentic life, which never hurts anything.

In total, I spent over three years in anxiety’s dark grasp. It was hell. I started to call it treatment-resistant anxiety because I literally tried everything, and nothing helped. Never in my life had I worked so hard to achieve so little. Never in my life had I experienced anxiety like this. It was all new, and I couldn’t figure out what was causing it or how to make it stop.

In addition to my mental suffering, I had all my physical problems. The way I describe it is my body broke, and then my brain broke too. What a nightmare.

There were so many days when I felt like I couldn’t go on another minute. I’m not saying I was suicidal, because I wasn’t. But I just couldn’t imagine how much longer I could tolerate the raging storm in my brain and my body. Physical pain. Emotional pain. It was soul sucking, vitality sucking. Exhausting.

Somehow, some way, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. No matter how tired I was, no matter how heavy the load felt, no matter how hopeless I felt. The way I saw it, I didn’t have any other choice.

And then one day, it happened. In the abundance of darkness that had taken over my life, I started to see the possibility of daylight. Notice I didn’t say daylight. I said possibility of daylight. When you’ve lost all hope, possibility feels life changing.

What changed? Why could I see possibility where none had previously existed?

I think two things happened. First, I think three years of hard work started to add up to something. Second, I switched to a new therapist, Dr. Z, who started talking to me about anxiety in a way nobody ever had before. My husband describes it like this: all the work I did prior to Dr. Z was like undergraduate school, and Dr. Z was taking me to graduate school.

Dr. Z unlocked my brain, and in doing so gave me the power to vanquish my own darkness. Every time I leave Dr. Z’s office, feel a sense of possibility. A sense that my life can be different. Less anxiety. Less fear. More living. More peace. Freedom.

I am not cured and likely never will be. Anxiety is like that. But while my anxiety used to command my life, it is now just a nuisance. That represents a dramatic improvement, and I will take it. I believe I am just at the beginning of what can be. I think I will reclaim my life, and my future will not be commanded by anxiety.

I could not have said that a mere two months ago. The fact I can see daylight still feels like a miracle to me, and I thank God for this new beginning ten times per day at a minimum.

As I consider the story of my life, I see it includes a chapter called Raging Anxiety. I’m no longer ashamed of that chapter. It’s part of who I am. I’m not yet at the point where I can say I have gratitude for that chapter, but I have definitely grown from it. Would I leave that chapter out of my life if given the opportunity? Probably not. I think great suffering leads to great learning, and I’m still in the process of understanding what this chapter can teach me. And importantly, how I can use what I’ve learned to help others.

Every time I see Dr. Z he says about 100 smart things. (BTW, Dr. Z is really what I call him. He is Serbian and his name is hard to pronounce, so everybody calls him Dr. Z). Among the many things Dr. Z has said that hit me between the eyes is the following: My name is not Anxiety. My name is Susan.

When he said that, I immediately saw that I had come to define myself by my anxiety. Somewhere along the way I lost track of the reality I could be anything other than anxious. Anxiety is evil that way.

Now I can see anxiety is a part of my life, not my whole life. I still get anxious every day. But it’s at a lower volume. And I respond differently. And the less anxious I feel, the more I engage in life, and the more I engage in life, the more the volume goes down on the anxiety. It’s a chicken and egg thing.

My life is still nothing like normal. I feel like I have been drowning for the last eight years. The first five were just physical suffering, and the last three were physical and mental suffering. Somehow, some way I have kicked hard and have fought my way to the surface. I can breathe now. But I’m still in the middle of the sea. However, the safety of the shore is within my sights for the first time in a very long time, and I know I will get there. I just need to keep kicking.

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vrheadsets · 7 years

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VR vs. The New Sensation

So. Here we are again. It seems we can’t get through one week without the need to address something or the other that’s happened in the world of virtual reality (VR). Some scandal that or disaster or so forth that in reality is less Kilimanjaro and more Standardmolehillo. However, since I am on holiday for most of this week and the next, finally cashing in a chunk of my acquired lieu time and am looking to explore among other things a rumoured concept called “sleep”. Added to that this week’s column was decided to be required reading at a relatively late time, this will be, if you will forgive me, somewhat briefer than I otherwise would have liked.

So here we go with the first in a possible series of relatively quickfire opinions on some recent items.

The big story of the last week or so, ignoring the HTC standalone news, was the announcement at the end of last week from AltSpaceVR that due to a cashflow crisis they sadly could no longer afford “to keep the virtual lights on”. Of course, this is a terrible shame for the hardworking AltSpaceVR team who have been one of the trailblazers of social and non-gaming VR. Unfortunately, is often the case, business doesn’t care whether or not you were first and these things can happen. You can argue that AltSpaceVR’s role has in many ways been replaced by the likes of Facebook Spaces in many people’s minds, but the service had a very dedicated audience of users, continued to have a number of firsts for VR and had only just come off a deal with ESPN of all places that could’ve been a great door opener for them. (Learn more about that in last Saturday’s edition of This Week In VR Sport, btw.)

But is it the, as oh so many publications debated in the follow-up, the beginning of THE END OF VR?

Urgh. Sorry, but I’m at the point now where if my eyes rolled any more on seeing these they’d be hired as dice in Las Vegas. If we ever do an article in response to such an event asking “Is This The End Of VR?” I fervently hope it is just the title followed by a one line answer of “Of course it f****** isn’t. Don’t be stupid.” No, AltSpace going down – whether or not Palmer Luckey will act on his Twitter poll where he mused over marching in to save it* – isn’t a sign of the beginning of the end. Put away your sandwich boards and tin foil hats people. Even if one of the other head mounted display (HMD) creators pulled out of VR tomorrow it wouldn’t be the end Do I need to whip out your favourite image out again? Yup, I probably do.

*Incidentally regarding that poll: Doesn’t that come across – inadvertently I readily admit – a little bit toying with people’s fate? The addition of a (thoroughly sensible) ‘it might not be possible regardless’ caveat or not; when everyone knows you have the power to do so putting the future of people’s livelyhoods to a Twitter poll doesn’t exactly feel right. If you’re interested in saving it, and there’s a sound business reason upon looking at the books to do so, then obviously please do. Social media is a great thing but there’s a danger of false hope in this instance.

Unfortunately, and brutally, that’s just business. What about all the little AR creation service that have been around for years likely feeling the pinch now ARKit has come out and Apple is stealing their thunder? If they go under will that mean THE END OF AUGMENTED REALITY? No. If a film flops at the box office it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the cinema. If a book fails to become a New York Times bestseller it doesn’t mean we should all give up on that silly ‘reading’ thing. Pfft. What’s it ever done for us anyway?

How often have videogame fans, myself included, mourned the loss of a great and talented studio owing to mismanagement by it’s ultimate owner of the failure of a singular game? Heck, even having a successful one doesn’t mean a studio is safe in today’s climate. Many have fallen, more will do so in the future, others will rise to take their place. That’s the way of things and I don’t recall, other than the collapse of Atari, any other time a game business went under that anyone anywhere asked if this was the end of videogames.

Which of course it is. It’s all over people. We’d best get back to learning how to play the harpsichord or how to crochet, or something, to pass the time. I wonder if you can turn knitting a jumper into an eSport? Maybe hemming a dress? Intel: Call me. Let’s set up a Sewing Bee Challenge League.

All the best for the AltSpaceVR team. I sincerely hope you all find yourself on your feet again soon. Your hard work and contributions to the early days of this generation will not be forgotten.

from VRFocus http://ift.tt/2whl1ed

#VRFocus #vr #virtual reality #canada

0 notes

cristoph00-blog · 7 years

Text

Address: Jalan Pantai, Tanjung Tanah Merah, 71050 Port Dickson, Negeri Sembilan, Malaysia

LET US START WITH THE FACTS. HERE IS WHERE ITS NORMALLY FOUND. As per the links.

BUT!

IT WAS IN MY BED. TRAVELERS BEWARE HELL HAS NO FURY LIKE LEPTOSPORISIS

http://jkt.kpkt.gov.my/resources/index/pdf/Persidangan_2015/persidangan%20kesihatan/Leptospirosis_in_Malaysia.pdf

http://www.straitstimes.com/asia/se-asia/malaysia-warns-of-leptospirosis-risk-at-natural-water-spots

LES MALAISANTS SONT FOUCHES SUCCES. UN VOYAGE EN MALAISIE PEUT ÊTRE UN VOYAGE À VOTRE DÉCÈS. TABERNAC!!!

Always first the Beauty – before you see the BEAST!

D’u ne manière ou d’une autre, la peste va vous prendre! Soit son Yersina Pestis ou Leptospirosis

The journey here began innocently enough. I was on the last legs of the Malaysian – Misadventure. Basically as I have come to understand squalor is a mind-state paradigm here. The journey was not successful or happy. I was exposed to – Les Malais Je veux dire sans manquer de respect, mais appelons une pelle une pelle sont sale sale.

Again no disrespect as the amount of doctors that I saw have told me the same thing in regards to COCO-BAY RESORT – PORT DICKSON. I mentioned Coco-bay and they shudder. All the staff shuddered. But I do have to mention that FILTH it’s pretty endemic here in Malaysia. The videos are revealing- you have never seen anything like this. Well in context I have but as a drive by – one does not inhabit the La Bas – one drives by it. Windows up and air on.

The Video’s document the journey. I had no idea that anything like this could ever happen and that other people actions would prove detrimental to my life. I now see that once i was infected on January 13 and the illness that caused me high fevers – body ache and massive headaches and blurred vision also damaged my ability to process this reality. In many ways I just shut down – trying to cope with this abuse. I lived in a half world. Neither truly alive nor dead. I felt as if I was green all the time.

Cocobay Resort Malaysia is a hop, skip and Jump from Kuala Lumpur but light years away from the year 2017. It’s still 1346-1353 here at Cocobay. The tale I have to tell you is a cautionary tale. History does repeat itself. Port Dickson is a place lost in time in all ways. Its heyday was in the late 1980’s 30 years ago, when people flocked to the area for a little R&R making this a Malaysian Miami. But that gold rush period ended quickly and many large hotels now lie, like discarded desiccated whale carcasses. It’s known as a very “haunted” region due to the towering structures sightless in their permanent windowless, gray guano caked exteriors. They appear to stare down on you. It’s now a home to Monkeys, Rats, mice, Birds, Bats and CATS. Kochings (cats) are everywhere. Sitting on your dining table, your seats and there is always a sense of forlornness and mange from these creatures that I love. These koching are parasitic.

Toxic plasmodium can also be added to your menu of selected diseases, served up on a platter or bed

The haunting element is real documented by many. I too saw things and felt things hard to define. So I asked the many security guards, said – “this place is creepy I think it’s haunted?” He says, “Yes many a guest is complaining of that as well. You are not alone. People are afraid to sleep here” Great just what I needed. More hoodoo to this voodoo. Let’s put the really cre-cre into the bizarre – a haunted strip of hotels that releases the plague. This needs to be a movie. But interestingly in the paranormal world haunted places are also notorious for harboring deadly diseases.

COCOBAY CONDO CURSE

https://youtu.be/76ZQEBU92-A

https://youtu.be/LotID0_Cotw

PORT DICKSON CONDO CURSE

https://www.google.ca/#q=how+haunted+are+the+hotels+in+port+dickson+malaysia+&*

He has lived in desolate cities, in houses no one would inhabit which are destined to become ruins. (Job 15:28)

LES MALAISANTS SONT FOUCHES SUCCES. UN VOYAGE EN MALAISIE PEUT ÊTRE UN VOYAGE À VOTRE DÉCÈS. TABERNAC!

THE MALAYSIAN PLAGUE – Leptospirosis diseases

THE DREADED – LEPTOSPORISIS CONDOS – COCO BAY

https://youtu.be/eiihuYcycYA

https://youtu.be/snz2IYD8cLc

https://youtu.be/4Yfhe6cII3g

Discovering / Confirming the LEPTOSPORISIS

https://youtu.be/X2VGmRg0AIo

Malaysia is still quite a dangerous place to live and visit and I was lured to Coco-bay Resort even after telling my acquaintance, I cannot go to a mold filled environment, having experienced the worst black mold at The Swiss hotel in Penang, Malaysia.

It never dawned on me to state and plead no exposure to vermin, rodent’s rats. Mice feces/piss etc. As to I guess, all concerned that travel, that world of rats and mice as bed mates is not considered de rigueur in our modern times. I have only seen rats in garbage in Toronto. But as a cream filling in my bed linens – no Kapiche!

I guess – well that proves that COCO-BAY MALAYSIA IS A GARBAGE DUMP. The Medical staff here though aware of the issue at COCO-BAY, are indifferent to any concern that you have. Stingy with medications – offering bizarre objections NOT to give it? Or maybe more sinister is that I am foreign and that the medicine may be for the locals as supplies though not hard to get, have to be ordered. They practice a delinquent form of medicine more related circa 1300 as per YP, the plague. These following -pix are a Coco-Bay reality. I wondered if the Mr.Goh furnished his condo from these places within the very floors of the building.

I have to write this event for several reasons. My impending death?, impairment – danger all the same- from this – the lives of others to follow . No I don’t have the plague – well – its ‘A-plague’ – and not contagious human to human, I am told by the now – 10 doctors I have tried to see and get help for a massive infection. That came out of no where. It does or can kill as it has no known cure – just treatment – until the veil parts. These doctors hedge their bets? But I see that it’s not laissez faire but I /we just dont care, its abject cruelty in nature. And I suppose its sado-masochistic fun to see the visitors just go crazy trying to get medical assistance, which they will deny. (Again I was told by Malaysians – Welcome to Malaysia!)

No one knew at the time exactly for sure what I was exposed to but, 01-13-17- 03-10-17. I did find out. A culinary hodgepodge of desiccated – rat feces and urine and lizard covered in mold and parasites? Which had dined on the feces – and urine.. Was now in my body. From a rat/urine infused blanket. Leptospirosis Indeed which triggers ongoing severe anaphylaxis.

Madre dos dios – tuez-moi maintenant!

Caveat- Upon seeing more doctors, they said, its not “the YP plague” its a plague vector LEPTOSPIROSIS – I am exposed to. Difference being as that the critter -el rato de cocobay – does not carry “the Bubonic plague” however it does carry a ton of other diseases in situ. Since it has been 2 months since the infection and though I am very ill. NO one else is being infected by me. Is my body at risk,? Yes as I have to have an ECG – and some brain scans to see if the infection has caused a recorded damage. As the disease vector is the same – Rat- then as the rat based infections will -appear similar. High fevers, severe rashes, and illness. It includes attacks to the major organs degrees of neurological impairment. If untreated. Death, paralysis that kind of thing?

Apparently the doctors here in PD are accustomed to treat many patients with all kinds of diseases from the insect, bacteria and vermin filled world that is here. Problem I never went looking for it. It was in my bed. X2. So it’s a HOLY FKCU you experience. So no B.plague Yersina Pestis is the deadly contagious version. Per se but death rides on the coattails of any rodent exposure that is up close and personal and its associative world, a critter that has carried YP in its history. I know not much consolation. Still seeking Medical help. And it’s too late. As you see the doctors in Port Dickson are a motley crew and practice 13th. Century Medicine. They used to be called Quacks and in PD these Docs. are quackers. I had to go there- Gallows humor!

https://youtu.be/_xt96qt28wA

FOREWARNED IS FOREARMED

Finally after 3 months I got replies back – but it’s too late. The infection is now in its tertiary stages and my heart is damaged. But Sunway Medical Center (KL) after weeks of my emailing all departments responded from January 13 th. 2017- March 27th 2017.

Leptospirosis is in the Malaysian news every year and the news stresses its very dangerous – Reality, So any and all expats and Visitors. Be aware and in the end stay away from Malaysia. Or come highly prepared. Get the vaccines SPIROLEPT / VaxSpiral ® – usually not available in the US or Canada but you need them.

It’s not from the water or soil – it’s in your Hotel/ Condo Beds, placed there deliberately by Malaysian housekeeping staff. This is CRIMINAL! Please note that as the Malaysian Doctors will ignore you – send you on Wild goose chase and deny you their assistance 100%of the time. You will get very ill before you get better. BTW I met a man in the pool whose brother contracted Leptospirosis and died in 3 days. He says I have not seen you before today where have you been? I said sick with leptospirosis. He says and you are not dead yet? I said no, but it will happen. ? (We all die sometime.)

These are the best hospitals that can treat Leptospirosis are- But don’t expect to get treated. I asked for this January 14 and got it March 28th

PD District Government hospital. Address: KM 11,, Jalan Pantai, 71050 Port Dickson, Negeri Sembilan, Malaysia Phone: +60 6-648 7333 2. General Hospital Kuala Lumpur Address: Jalan Pahang, 50586 Kuala Lumpur, Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Phone: +60 3-2615 5555 3. University Malaya Hospital Kuala Lumpur Address: Pusat Perubatan Universiti Malaya, Lembah Pantai,, 59100 Kuala Lumpur, Federal Territory of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Phone: +60 3-7949 4422

The health ministry’s deputy director-general for public health, Dr Lokman Hakim Sulaiman, is aware of the issue. http://www.moh.gov.my/english.php/pages/view/595

But he is not aware of it at Cocobay Resort, I guess I have to tell him. Les politiciens malaisiens sont connus pour être endormi en permanence au volant de la vie..

I did finally look at Videos on Rats and their infections and its as bad as I expected. Leptospirosis diseases in Malaysia is endemic. So far no doctor made an attempt to diagnose only saying yes, you have been exposed to a virulent vector but we don’t know what to test for. Disambiguation or just plain incompetence.

Though this info is available everywhere. Treatment is hard to get and testing is not now possible, yikes. Apparently, you have to be tested as soon as you are infected. I could not find a doctor or Hospital and began massive antibiotics. Any tests will be skewed as a result. So once again into the breach. But there is also the medical reality is to get Doxycline etc. As soon as the infection starts. Prior to any diagnosis. Which makes it a challenge to be diagnosed.

However – we have been hoodwinked. DECEIVED BY THE DASTARDLY MALAYSIAN DENIZENS

http://jkt.kpkt.gov.my/resources/index/pdf/Persidangan_2015/persidangan%20kesihatan/Leptospirosis_in_Malaysia.pdf

https://www.cdc.gov/leptospirosis/

https://www.cdc.gov/leptospirosis/symptoms/

https://youtu.be/SO4VFYrDQH8

https://youtu.be/yyP4VXvole0

https://youtu.be/fuC5p3PInX0

https://www.cdc.gov/rodents/diseases/direct.html

As we live in a closed world – meaning we are affected by all life forms on this planet, nothing by virtue is of little in-consequence anymore. Cause and effect is more visible now. Is that Karma? So Coco-bay is Karma for us humans? Interesting?

KARMA

https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/six-months-of-hell-zika-is-hitting-some-travellers-harder-than-expected

Exposure due to Rat Feces in bedding. Massive bites and infection. Infection Date January 13th 2017.

A big Question. Why is human leptospirosis neglected and under-reported? Leptospirosis may present with a wide variety of clinical manifestations. These may range from a mild “flu”- like illness to a serious and sometimes fatal disease. It may also mimic many other diseases, e.g. dengue fever, typhoid, viral hepatitis and other viral haemorrhagic diseases. Icterus (jaundice) is a relatively common symptom in leptospirosis but is also found in many other diseases involving the liver such as various forms of hepatitis.

They are, therefore, often not recognized as a presenting feature of leptospirosis. Icterus may be totally absent even in some of the severe cases that present with complications involving other organ systems such as severe pulmonary hemorrhage, which develop early in the course of the disease. Such cases are being reported in increasing frequency from various places in the recent years.. The diagnosis is confirmed by laboratory tests, but these are not always available.

For these reasons, leptospirosis is neglected and under-reported. Is leptospirosis an endemic or an epidemic disease? Leptospirosis is endemic in many countries, across the world. It often has a seasonal distribution, increasing with increased rainfall or higher temperature. However, the disease can occur throughout the year. Epidemics may be associated with changes in human behaviour, animal or sewage contamination of water, changes in animal reservoir density, or follow natural disasters such as cyclones and floods. Fuck that shit it was in my bed. Put there by a nasty vicious MR.Goh. This was not an act of god, this was an act of filth.

What happens to the pathogenic leptospires after they have penetrated the human body? After infection, leptospires appear in the blood and invade practically all tissues and organs. They are subsequently cleared from the body by the host’s immune response to the infection.

However, they may settle in the convoluted tubules of the kidneys and be shed in the urine for a period of a few weeks to several months and occasionally even longer. They are then cleared from the kidneys and other organs but may persist for up to a year. So bitching!

ENCORE – Madre dos dios – tuez-moi maintenant!

https://www.slideshare.net/GRFDavos/overview-on-human-vaccines-against-leptospirosis

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4442676/

Vaccines not available – SPIROLEPT & VaxSpiral ®

CONCLUSION AND DISCUSSION • HUMAN VACCINES AGAINST LEPTO HAS BEEN WIDELY USED IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES, DIFFERENT EPIDEMIOLOGICAL CONTEXTS • THEIR EFFICACY AND SAFETY PROFILE ARE GOOD • THEIR CONTRIBUTION IN LEPTO PREVENTION IN TARGET POPULATION WAS SCHOWN TO BE SIGNIFICATIVE PROPOSITION FOR GLEAN (PREVENTION PILAR) THE POSSIBLE CONTRIBUTION OF A VACCINE AS SPIROLEPT COULD BE TO PROTECT PEOPLE : OVEREXPOSED DURING OUTBREAKS (RESCUE PEOPLE, FIREMAN) OVEREXPOSED BY THEIR JOB (SEWERS WORKERS) BASED ON THE FRENCH EXPERIENCE

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.4161/hv.7.11.17944

Here are some of the Medical findings. The heart has a serious? Malfunction, sitting on recorded vector that place a value to coronary heart disease – That was sudden in appearance. I do not have personally heart disease – but the family of origin does. So I take care but it’s this kind of miasma that brings a possibility into a probability.

Receiving the Bad Heart News, LUKUT MALAYSIA

https://youtu.be/-qdnKgOVtnQ

https://youtu.be/wHmHiJbtgmI

Dr.Teh, March 20th 2017, upon looking at my medical history and injuries, analyzed my heart, looked at the x-rays of my jaw and abdomen. What he said was extraordinarily important. ” I see, so you had untreated exposure to natures best bacterial warfare and without receiving the appropriate Medical care at the time.

The infection stayed in your body and attacked your bone and nervous system, giving you massive septicemia. And causing your near death experiences. This is a lot of damage. Now your heart is damaged from exposure to Rat feces. My response, ” So when I said it felt I was covered in ACID, it was a not just a verbal reality. It was reality”

Dr. Teh, continues” Which can happen again if you do not continue treatments. Your Heart is experiencing the same issues due to a recent acute infection. You are now cusping on Permanent Heart Disease.

SAMSUNG DIGITAL CAMERA

Merci M. Goh, vous êtes vraiment putain de Bastard, je vous souhaite douleur et chagrin somptueux. Que vous mouriez de votre propre main

https://youtu.be/v_hL_zlX5uY

Les Malais Je veux dire sans manquer de respect, mais appelons une pelle une pelle sont sale sale. Et dégénéré. Si je suis en colère sa réponse correcte. Comme je suis horriblement abusé par ces malais.

I will update the condition as it develops, so that it is understood. I did not video the pox marks -with its syphilitic or plague like expression. However based on these pictures yikes they are similar to what I had. These 50 boils (the plague you are consumed) – of a variety of shapes, colors and sizes lasted for about a month and there are flare ups if I am exposed to? Touch? It could be in the water. The itching was so severe – that I used 3M scouring pads for the kitchen to scour and exfoliate these gross lesions.

I poured Dettol and Bleach on me. I went into the Sea spending hours to drain them and used sand and its minerals to help heal them. I felt disfigured. I could feel the pox on the back of my eyes. I lay in bed analyzing my body as it failed. I listed, all the sensations, as you can feel the body as it fails (I was in 4th. year pre-med, 40 years ago, so anatomy, physiology- Bio-chemistry-virology I know) – and reported to my doctor in Toronto.

I am trying to get through to my doctor in Vancouver as he was the only Doctor that had taken the time when I was last so ill in 1998. It seems that zoonotic infections are rampant. Leptospirosis indeed!

January 13-27 – 2017 -The incubation period is 2 days to 3 weeks. The acute phase (approximately 7 days) presents as an acute febrile illness with symptoms including headache (can be severe and include retroorbital pain and photophobia), fever, chills, myalgia, nausea, diarrhea, abdominal pain, uveitis, conjunctival suffusion, and a skin rash.

The second or immune phase is characterized by antibody production and the presence of leptospires in the urine. The icteric or severe form of the disease (Weil disease) occurs in 5%–10% of patients with leptospirosis.

Symptoms include jaundice, renal failure, hemorrhage (especially pulmonary), cardiac arrhythmias, pneumonitis, and hemodynamic collapse.

Weil disease-So it’s a mess.. I complained of cysts, a feeling of pressure that was on my optic nerve retroorbital pain and that when I went outside I threw my hands up over my eyes, reacting like a TV vampire – and covering my eyes -in great shock. And my heart beat a fandago -till meds of March 21, 2017.

Can you imagine with all the care I am taking that I had to end up. Like this? Yes, I am looking for answers. But it can’t be here. Malaysia will kill me faster. Canada is too far away and it has to be Vancouver. But can you imagine the horror if I say to the customs at Vancouver Airport – sorry but I have been exposed to the/a plague and just flew – 12,000 miles in a tube in the sky? They will kill me too? I am going to get more shots – of everything – and I have the heart scan in a few hours and a brain scan coming up. Does exposure mean you have it? or ? In the end – it’s more than a nightmare. How long do I have? Leptospirosis indeed! Pills and Poo. The insanity of treatment is a reflection of the filth I was and am exposed to.

MEDICAL RECEIPTS & notes – Thus Far!

Receipts for RAT -CRAP

Multicare pharmacy PD Malaysia

klinikteh

PatientMalaysiaPD

The Malaysia WHO Representative

To whom it may concern

christopher de caermichael 20.3.2017.pdf ( 1)

christopher de caermichael 20.3.2017

Dear Doctor greatdeal4world

KLINIK HAMIZAH

klinik asia receipt

more on the plague

CDCHEART SCAN 20.3.2017 (1)CDCHEART SCAN 20.3.2017 (2)

Dear Canadian Embassy in Kl

I am on weekly shots of Rocephin, a week by week script of Flagl, Doxycline, Dapson, pain killers. Many vitamins – Vit C and a calcium blend 3x a day to stop the Anaphylaxis. Some TCM herbs to offset any kidney -liver imbalances. A beta blocker for the Heart which conflicts with all these and though lowering the high Blood pressure – causing hypertension that aggravates the Anaphylaxis, which makes me swell- bloat etc.. I react by not sleeping – so Xanex – and the antihistamines a lot of different varieties. Not all pharmacies have the same nor all doctors have the same. I rest – mediate – swim in the sea and do a lot of Hail Mary’s- the Maha Mitryanda – om mane pad me hom-Koranic prayers. etc.

https://www.google.ca/maps/uv?hl=en&pb=!1s0x548673d4d3dd2435:0xd1dabef2f34c45cb!2m19!2m2!1i80!2i80!3m1!2i20!16m13!1b1!2m2!1m1!1e1!2m2!1m1!1e3!2m2!1m1!1e5!2m2!1m1!1e4!3m1!7e115!4s/maps/place/st.paul%2Bhospital%2Bvancouver/@49.2801247,-123.1276379,3a,75y,315.88h,90t/data%3D*213m4*211e1*213m2*211sR5E-nk2_RHjmyB_CdUOK7Q*212e0*214m2*213m1*211s0x0:0xd1dabef2f34c45cb!5sst.paul+hospital+vancouver+-+Google+Search&imagekey=!1e2!2sR5E-nk2_RHjmyB_CdUOK7Q&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwje9c3ttPPSAhUHybwKHYkpD30Qpx8IdjAK

MORE INFO

Le INCREDIBLE – Vancouver – Canada -Cabinet privé unique Droit fils Barbe

Barbe est un médecin extraordinaire. Il doit être cloné car son attention au détail est exquise. Il n’y en a qu’un seul et nous ses patients exigent tant. Mais Kudos sur une vie servie si bien, pour aider les autres. Il fait une différence. Et devrait être applaudi et appuyé. J’espère le voir bientôt. À Vancouver. Comme son mon blog et je tente une intervention internationale. Je fais appel à tous. Et avertissant également le monde du danger extraordinaire que Coco-Bay – Port-Dickson – le personnel médical non formé dans cette région. La maladie des rats est aussi proche de la «peste» que vous voudriez jamais En Malaisie, il est encore une réalité Et oui, je peux encore mourir de cela Il faut un an pour enlever la maladie de votre corps.

Yes the medications that I brought are a profound what’s what of a script that I could tolerate. I did at the time go through all the normal responses you would do when you are travelling but you have not factored in Port Dickson – or its populace or its raison d’etre exist on the fringes of time. As so is its Medical support and basically anything related to this place that can support the Black Death. Or the Malaysian version Leptospirosis indeed!

Is your appetite wet as yet?. It does go into the Mundane. As it was a slow decline into eternal obscurity of potential death. The final chapter. The last hurrah. The videos may help. But at least I did one last deed – I tried to warn all others. This Rat feces/urine was in both condos in the beds. Leptospirosis indeed! The videos establish el rato de cacabay, beyond any shadow of doubt

They are a few characters in this almost Kafkaesque twist (The TRIAL) of a modern tale of Horror.

I, as the victim/conqueror am Xtoph De C am I the lead or Principle Victim?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

https://youtu.be/_-xPoJRxf5E

The second Mephisto – a scoundrel known as Yusuf Djuly, who callously dispatched me to this funerarium.

Djuly is in the dufus in the middle

Pour illustrer pourquoi c’est la folie, c’est juste que … la folie! La folie existentielle existe en tant que partie de la condition humaine.

http://today.mims.com/topic/one-in-three-malaysians-have-mental-health-problems-as-government-action-plan-to-be-unveiled

With his minion Gollum, a bizarre character a Mr. Gho, the 3rd, ( the wraith of a housekeeper) the drunk, miserly enraged SOB who planted the toxic bedding filled with a juicy filling of Rat Feces that had festered with mold, parasites, worms and Bedbugs all waiting for the feast, my body. Stinging me to the point that it felt as if Acid had been poured all over my body. I am trying to find or take a pix of the Mr. Goh and the resemblance is quite famazing. Literally!

This is the beginning of the tale. Formally written that had no response from the Officials at CHC. For some reason I went into excruciating detail, possibly as every word recreated a moment in that time, a haunting tune of the brain, mind-vision dying. But holding on to life. I am reeling as the images that I gathered to plug into the piece actually showed precisely what I was exposed to and experienced.

So, yes, I have a rat based -plague(ish) related infection. Or its ancestral version 2017 a great x6 removed. Apparently not contagious only deadly to the victim. So a WTF moment. This is a CRIME!

Dying is an intense experience and I am all alone. The doctors here say its not the YB plague as they are thinking 13th century but its 2017 and a new version may be on its way. But I will probably die, from lack of care before its a contagion. Health is wealth and the expenditure are adding up too fast. All this is not just hap-chance. The illiterate and destructive LL GOH – and the hapless Y. Djuly once combined with the coco-bay resort became the perfect triad of illness and near death. Leptospirosis indeed!

I had medical tests done prior to coming to Malaysia. To establish a baseline plus I want to get Chelation here in Malaysia and 1 clinic had asked for all this. They confirm -No history of Heart disease. No history of any disease.

__________________________________________________________

The following I found as posted by Canada but not on the CHC Malaysian KL homepage.

https://travel.gc.ca/destinations/malaysia

Overall Crime and Safety Situation https://www.osac.gov/pages/ContentReportDetails.aspx?cid=19182

Post Crime Rating: High

Coastal areas of southeastern Sabah – Avoid non-essential travel

Global Affairs Canada advises against non-essential travel to to the coastal areas of southeastern Sabah, from the northern district of Beluran to the southern town of Tawau and all nearby islands, due to the risk of kidnapping and violence. These areas include, but are not limited to, the beaches of Sandakan, resorts along both the Kinabatangan River (district of Sukau) and the Sabahan River (district of Kunak), the islands of Kapalai, Lankayan, Ligitan, Mabul, Mataking, Pom Pom, Selingan, Singamata, Sipadan, and other resort islands off the shores of Semporna. They should add Kl, Shah Alam and Port Dickson. Or just say MALAYSIA.

__________________________________________________________

Dear Canadian Embassy in Kl,

High Commissioner Judith St. George

Street Address: Canadian High Commission Immigration Section 18th Floor, Menara Tan & Tan 207 Jalan Tun Razak 50400 Kuala Lumpur

Tel.: (603) 2718-3385 Fax: (603) 2718-3311

[email protected]

The story is truncated here for brevity. Its in the above list.

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/09/07/the-bullshit-that-is-toronto-canada/

THE DREADED – LEPTOSPORISIS CONDO – COCO BAY

https://youtu.be/eiihuYcycYA

https://youtu.be/snz2IYD8cLc

https://youtu.be/4Yfhe6cII3g

Discovering the LEPTOSPORISIS March 10th.

https://youtu.be/X2VGmRg0AIo

Before coming on the journey I had discussed with a doctor Dr. Anthony Chen what Travel meds to take and out think the possible bacteriological or any pathogen that I may encounter. As I was allergic to so many meds (antibiotics) I/we had to choose carefully.It was now 4am and I was in quite the state. There was no one to call and I had to solve this emergency. I started taking Dapsone a heavy antibiotic that was prescribed in the event of such – a situation.

I took it and within a couple of hours, I started to get better. The pain went away and the fever reduced. I then turned my attention to what was in that bed and what had happened. It was now around 7 am and I was a bit delirious due to this unknown attack. I threw the blanked and sheets in a large bucket. I had bleach and Dettol and soap and the bedding in the water – turned RED. It looked like BLOOD – and there were bits of what looked like feces in it. ? (Rat feces is blood/red in color and when you el rato de cacabay poop you piss- instant LEPTOSPORISIS ) All this is gallows humor. I’m so disgusted bordering on vitriolic. I have to use Gallows’ humor to deflect the enormous pain. So there you have the Red/Rust of the Rat Feces that was in a blanket that I had on me. Its beyond gross – by this time shock had set in with exhaustion. I scrubbed the bed, the floor etc – put the mattress outside and fell asleep exhausted. On the couch. A few hours later – as in 8. I awoke and looked at the body damage and the absolute mess of this place.

I contacted Dr. Chen in Toronto. Contacted the Dr. in Vancouver leaving messages and also my Homeopathic Doctor in Toronto. I also had started calling the local hospital – and emailing Kliniks to get directions as to what to do. But this is Port Dickson and the locals mainly only speak Malay and very little English. It was important to know where to go as to find medication etc and who could provide it. But also remember I was at this time very ill and based on the recent history of anaphylaxis. I had to be careful. I only had 2 attacks in Shah Alam of the reaction versus every day in Toronto and when I was in Thailand at the Beach. I had no reaction. Here at the beach from the 3-till the 13th I was in great shape.I had once I was in the sea my health improved immediately. I was taking long walks etc. Beginning to run and hike etc. This may be mundane to you dear Canada. But to me it so important that I was getting better. After 4 years of great struggle in Toronto – I had finally stopped taking all these pills – allergy and whatever meds that they gave me that caused me to be so sick.

I had no replies from any PD Medical establishments – 1 reply from Dr. Chen, saying that as I was away, seek, DUH, local care and take the meds that he had prescribed. As I had a lot of these meds. I took them but I was aware that I was very ill. And from history in Canada – Dr’s had a hard time treating it – and had caused more problems. So going to a hospital / Dr.– or even getting ill was never an option here in Malaysia, though I did try and the experience here makes, any Gothic drama a Disney production. Malaysia in Port Dickson is singularly hell.

The locals say – these places will KILL you!

I told Mr. Djuly about “the attack” and he called Mr. Goh and he said it’s the housekeepers fault. He, the corrompu fou Goh, is the housekeeper as it turned out. From January 13 – to the 29th – I would say now I was so out of it. I was in daze and though the medication was working? I was getting weaker and weaker. It was a slow process. This is told 2 months after the event. Time was needed to get better and also to establish it was a huge problem. As there was a massive event but this outcome was unknown, until March 10th 2017. The reason being is that it was no ordinary Bed bug/ parasitic attack, mold, fungal attack. The “blood” red color and feces I saw in the water was due to it being rat/mice feces. Any bacteria / mold / bedbugs/ parasites came from Rat/ Mouse feces that is blood/rust red in color. Treatment has to be in turns out specific to that species and realm and it us known to damage all your major organs. Leptospirosis etal indeed!

By this time, I had my first encounter with the corrompu, fou, alcoolique, dérangé, violent Mr. Goh. (12-02-17)He was insane and came at me – screaming, swinging chains and muttering all kinds of madness. I had no idea who he was and what he was shouting -talking about. Alice should go back to Wonderland and take her minions. Or is it more Macabre and related to Dante’s inferno?

He , the Gollum GOH made absolutely no sense – and his overall condition was so bad, I was not sure what I was looking at. He was so distorted, wheeling, twisting and turning and basically in a state of some mania. This was frightening. My best way to describe his appearance and behavior was DOBIE, the Gollum from Lord of the rings. Later I was told by Resort security that he was a severe alcoholic and very unstable. So I met this man in an alcoholic rage – his unstable gait, the drooling from his mouth – the lurching – the wild eyes the screaming. ? What was I by renting here – exposed to. Infections- Madness?

I called the now defunct Mr. Djuly, seen in this following video. I was assisting him in growing his business and he in turn was up to monkey business.

Due to incredibly bizarre boring and inarticulate email I had to write it in elegant French.

https://youtu.be/mcx9ToOFE9s

En voyant cette réalité et en lisant ce que j’ai rencontré avec Yusuf Djuly – apparemment pas le nom légal. 2 personnes différentes vivent dans 1 corps. En fait, après avoir passé en revue ce que je savais de lui, sa vie familiale dysfonctionnelle, sa communication discordante, son incapacité à travailler avec d’autres adultes et préférant les enfants à travailler? J’avais considéré que comme une vierge de 40 ans, avec l’incapacité de s’engager dans une communication normale, il était un candidat, pour «Syndrome d’Asperger / Autisme» (ASD). Un problème courant en Malaisie et je parie lié à toutes ces maladies. Ce que j’ai reçu en lui parlant de mon changement de plans en fonction des circonstances -: Il ya beaucoup ici dans son rant qui suppose que nous avons eu des conversations. Nous sommes allés sur 2 randonnées où je me suis effondré, 1 la veille je devais partir.

Nous avons rencontré peut-être au cours des 6 semaines à Goh’s -Cocobay – 6 fois? Dans ma jeunesse, j’étais à Premed et j’avais étudié la nutrition et le comportement à un degré en psychiatrie ortho-moléculaire. J’étais bien versé dans le comportement anormal. Comme son verbiage était si inélégant, je l’ai écrit en français. Je n’ai d’abord pas mentionné l’attaque à Yusuf. Mais plus tard en Janvier, j’ai fait le BTW .. J’ai été attaqué sévèrement etc Je vois maintenant que j’étais trop malade. Et si dégoûté par tout cela. Mon cerveau a été attaqué par l’invasion de la saleté de Rat. J’étais parfois délirant de fièvres. Alors je me suis tue. C’est inquiétant de l’expérience de ce et plus si je l’ai parlé avec ce M. Djuly. Le temps d’hiver était orageux – mauvais et pluvieux, je ne l’ai jamais vu. Et donc tout cela est, est la réponse était tout à fait au-dessus du sommet. Mais en harmonie avec son syndrome d’Asperger / Autisme “(ASD).

Yusuf – Pourriez-vous arrêter de me dire tous ces mélodrames. (Ça a été une surprise, car je l’ai à peine vu, il peut être une fois tous les 10 jours et j’étais tellement malade et demandait des instructions pour l’hôpital, les autobus à KL, etc ainsi? Plus après le 1er incident Goh, il a complètement Yusuf, a fait des proclamations et a ensuite disparu sans plus de communication donc tout cela est sans signification car il n’a jamais eu lieu ou a eu lieu dans des snipets de dialogue pendant 6 semaines? -) Yusuf Continue, “Je réagis seulement à votre état émotionnellement mauvais. Reprenez-vous ensemble, tout ce que vous avez parlé pendant les 3 dernières semaines répètent les mêmes choses de plus en plus et toutes les conclusions que vous créez dans votre esprit comme ils sont la réalité. Pourriez-vous me donner un peu d’espace dans votre esprit?

(Cristoph- Encore une fois, c’est un moment de faiblesse?) Qui était cette personne et ce qui se passait? … J’avais remarqué dans d’autres convos ordinaires que ses réponses étaient un peu sur le mur. J’ai pensé que peut-être des différences culturelles, mais c’était une explosion assez profonde sentimentale de 1 + 1 = 3. J’ai noté ici en Malaisie si vous entendez des battements de sabots, ce n’est pas des chevaux ou des zèbres, c’était UNICORNS.et mes conversations tourné autour de plans de voyage , La nourriture, son copain William? Encore une fois, c’est une attaque profondément inquiétante et tous BS)

Yusuf – Ou vous voulez que je vous envoye par e-mail ou vous transmette toutes les choses qui se sont passées et les problèmes que j’ai si c’est pertinent pour vous ou non, et l’envoi de messages de tout ce qui est dans ma tête pour le moment. (Encore une fois, pas un indice de ce à quoi il se réfère? Conclusions?

Yusuf – C’est une chose que vous êtes physiquement malade, et c’est triste pour moi. Mais c’est une question complètement différente lorsque vous êtes émotionnellement faible pour gérer vos situations. Et la façon dont vous le faites maintenant est de se plaindre à ce sujet. Bitching ne vous fait pas sentir mieux, ne fait pas la maladie aller, ne fait pas que quelqu’un qui parle à vous sentir mieux. En fait bitching rend les choses amères, et rend la situation plus difficile qu’il ne l’est déjà.

(Cristoph – c’est un appel de réveil – une grande partie de ceci n’a pas eu lieu.) Dans la conversation – je pense que je m’excuse pour être malade Comme j’ai vu un éclat de mépris sur son visage Un jour après que j’avais finalement obtenu des coups de feu, Peut-être le 1 mars. Je reviens à l’endroit – et vraiment dépassé.J’étais endormi à 7h30 et s’est réveillé à 11h30 à ce – Yusuf “vous n’avez pas ouvert votre porte – j’ai frappé et a sonné et vous m’avez ignoré. Bloquer / m’éviter?

Cristoph – Désolé de quoi tu parles? J’étais endormi – passé des médicaments, qu’il savait comme je lui ai dit plus tôt? Je pense que j’ai pensé à l’époque – il y avait un malentendu – soit par choix ou? Mais avec une blessure mortelle. J’étais calme – pas d’énergie et essayer de mieux et certainement pas l’impliquer. Je viens de dire très bien. Je vais juste partir. C’était tout. Comme tout cela était pure BS puéril) et quel que soit l’espace avec sa tête? Il a été gaspillé.

Et à ce que j’ajoute – Quelle réponse Bitchy. Êtes-vous un garçon ou une fille ou juste une chienne

After I wrote this and sent it to a few long term Expat residents married to Malays. They really laughed at this following peace. They said, Dude you were hustled, Malay style. They asked – “I bet you were asked for a lot of $. I said I was and refused” .. But you gave him something? I said yes about 3000 ringgits of furniture. Which I suppose he could sell? So this illness came on suddenly – ? Yes. But the reality of it being Rat Feces / urine based was only known on March 10th. They said – “ignore everything he said – The best defense is an offense. You were of no more use to the dude. The friend continued, “You got infected via Rat feces? I was bitten by a snake that was placed in my bed. And yes I was knock, knocking on heaven’s door. It took months to recover”. Welcome to Malaysia. It’s a jungle.”

So this is all BULLSHIT and I have to fight for my life. Maldoande! Michaso! GILLA!

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/09/07/the-bullshit-that-is-toronto-canada/

Plus as you can see he/ them- YD, PR-GOH- Mr.A or the entire COCOBAY crowd. He actually threatens me – to stop assisting me as I was ill. An illness that came about by his misdirected intervention. FRENEMY is a term I never considered using. But there is a first time for everything. In fact they would like to throw me out and keep my $ and my possessions. GILLA!

Ps. Lol he YD a dit qu’il était un spécialiste en TI? Mon imprimante canon E400 a manqué d’encre. Et je cherchais – pour un réorganiser en ligne un autre piège de malay. Il a offert comme il était tellement connecté – il a regardé la série # E400 et il a décollé. Plus tard, il est apparu avec l’encre. Je l’ai regardé – et lui. Wow – je pensais – il ne peut même pas faire que – comme je l’avais regardé et vu le correct # ‘s. Je lui ai payé – sachant que c’était une erreur – mais en raison de la possibilité – j’ai essayé – et assez bien comparé la version réelle. Tout était faux – vous ne pouvez pas faire tant d’erreurs. Je l’ai qualifié d’inutile – yusuf – il préfère Dato, un honneur malais pour Monsieur. Je ne pouvais rien dire – en ce moment, il était 0,00 – ve 5 millions. J’ai finalement trouvé l’encre dans un magasin au centre-ville. J’ai marché autour jusqu’à ce que je l’ai trouvé sur le chemin à KLINIK TEH. J’ai utilisé le français pour décrire, la communication inélégant. http://today.mims.com/topic/one-in-three-malaysians-have-mental-health-problems-as-government-action-plan-to-be-unveiled

Donc Yusuf m’observait et inconnu – mes signes de maladie qu’il n’approuvait pas – en fait, il était incroyablement offensé que j’étais tellement malade? Il a commencé à faire des remarques insultantes sur ma faiblesse à? moi – ?? Je ne connaissais pas ce gars du tout. Je suis amené à un endroit que je ne connaissais pas. Vous avez été infecté par? A été exposé à la folie de Goh. Il est tombé très malade et il a été offensé? Et il m’a amené ici. Viser une flèche directement à l’enfer. Tout simplement génial! Mais c’est aussi facile.Un faux mouvement et votre monde est changé pour toujours.

J’ai simplement et poliment expliqué que c’était la maladie qu’il observait et c’était tout. J’ai essayé de trouver un autre hébergement – loin de Coco-Bay – de GOH et de Yusuf. Comme je me suis rendu compte que cette situation se détériorait pour des raisons si peu claires pour moi. Yusuf a disparu pendant un certain temps, ce qui signifie pas de contact de lui. Aussi je ne l’ai pas engagé, car ses réponses étaient inattendues et confuses. Je m’étais arrangé pour sortir de l’appartement de Goh. J’ai contacté Yusuf pour expliquer la situation via FB – je lui ai envoyé un message sur les effets secondaires et que je dois repenser tous mes plans – de quitter Cocobay – d’organiser mon voyage au Canada via la Thaïlande – sa réponse était pour moi de fermer! ? Il regrettait de m’assister? Et de le laisser tranquille. La diatribe est ci-dessous. Au total, nous avons eu peut-être 12 rencontres – en 5 mois – la situation de GOH – l’infection et mes collapses ont été malheureux pour moi. Une situation que d’une certaine manière il a arrangé et je paierais peut-être avec ma vie … semble dramatique mais pas. Je peux seulement conseiller d’autres que vous simplement ne pouvez pas faire confiance à tout et éventuellement tous les Malaisiens car ils sont de ce côté de Loki et détourné et les interactions deviennent facilement catastrophiques.

A francias POINT FINAL. YUSUF LE DUFUS et \ Goh est un Mephisto incarné.

I called all the KLINIKS and Hospitals again. I finally got through to the Hospital – and 5 of their staff – stated DO NOT COME HERE – DO NOT COME TO EMERGENCY – GO to Klinik Kesihatan Port Dickson : 75C Jalan Dato K. Pathmanaban, Port Dickson, Negeri Sembilan, Malaysia Phone:+60 6-647 2800. Later local PD residents said, “Good thing you did not go there as for certain they would have killed you. And there are reasons for that.

In Malaysia, the indigenous Malays are given a free pass in education. They do not have to study or apply themselves to have an education. They are just granted degrees just for enrollment and attendance and I saw the assignments.

The lecturer in a biochemistry course posed a question involving ATP and asked the S’s to submit an article? The article? Was 50-80 pages of Reference material? He only wanted a bibliography. No written material from the S’s. NO analysis – nada? I asked is this all you do? They said yes – I asked about tests? They said – it’s an open book – all are open book and the answers are provided by the lecturer. So it’s a no fail. So – yes they can kill you!

The following supports the realities that I found. Is ignorance bliss? Or as I uncovered earlier in research, this Malaysian reality is outré!. View the vids.

No one seems to be surprised that Malaysia wasn’t in that prestigious list. Christyn Anysha, a social media specialist who has a Bachelor’s Degree in Communication, said that Malaysian universities don’t place emphasis on updating their syllabus or keep up with the changing times.

“A lot of what is taught in Malaysian universities are theories and very little on practicality and things that require critical thinking. Some varsities in the UK push for one year internships and long as it may sound, the value gained from that one year is undeniable versus a three-month stint.”

Sandra Lim, who has a Bachelor’s Degree in Food Studies, is currently working as a marketing assistant at a foreign embassy. She too echoes the same opinion as Anysha, stating that her bosses at work observed that interns from Malaysian universities do not have critical thinking or problem-solving skills, in comparison to interns from Australian universities.

https://my.vulcanpost.com/164751/malaysian-university-ranking/

https://dapmalaysia.org/english/2006/oct06/lge/lge466.htm

Mais la maladie l'emportait. Yusuf se retourna. J'avais arrêté de le contacter et essayait juste de sortir et de s'améliorer. Quand il revint Yusuf? Dit allons à Malacca. Forever up pour voyager et essayer de surmonter ce que c'était? J'ai dit oui, mais le coût? Il dit NON Problème. Son 70.00 pour louer une voiture - et le gaz et la nourriture - donc Peut-être 200.00 Ringgits - j'ai dit ok. Mais le lendemain - 26 février, il se présente avec un chauffeur et une voiture et il dit: «Je me suis blessé le dos. Je ne peux pas conduire "Ma première question était ce que cela va coûter? J'étais de nouveau en train de payer un gros billet. Il a également déclaré qu'il avait blessé son dos il ya un mois? Alors? Un autre moment WTF! Encore une fois, des dépenses inutiles pour accommoder son esprit? J'avais essayé de lui faire révéler, le montant de $ avec la situation compliquée au Condo, on m'avait dit 550 $. Par MTh pour ce déchet d'infection et d'électricité libre. Mais ce n'était pas la vérité. Les Malais aimeraient échanger et l'endroit était une décharge. Yusuf m'a dit une fois, je ne vais pas payer Goh plus $. J'ai de nouveau confondu - a dit plus $, ce $ et que dois-je maintenant? La santé est la richesse J'ai compté le total 4500 ringgits en 2 mois? Pas pour le plaisir ou le plaisir mais les états d'enfer, les maladies et la folie. Plus un autre 3600 sur les mauvais loyers.

The bizarre-attack from Goh turned out to be based on electrical usage – that was not free and unpaid rent? None of which was real or owing. This was an alcoholic rage and very violent. Plus by now the infection was full-blown and this contre-temps just made it worse. Who are these people and what are they talking about? Mr. Goh -Mr. Djuly? GILLA -GILLA – GILLA!

And that was due to the illness and being bed ridden and fevers – I was in bed more and in the cool – only able to go to the beach after the attack in the late afternoon. So? And it turns out that Goh was even charging – from December when I was not even there. It was and is very contentious. I had nothing to do with it per se. But I was sure being violently threatened. Goh is unable to express himself except when he is raging. And he is very VIOLENT.

Apparently Yusuf and Mr. Paul Raj, property management- had to control him, by being very harsh and intimidating. But as Goh continues to rail – he may be accustomed to be using his scare tactics on other guests like myself. A kind of extortion?

All foreigners who come here may get attacked and later as I had to escape Goh and I could find nothing suitable and being so weak I rented another place – in another building. Cocobay is a very large resort. And the issues in Block C – were repeated in Block B- but smaller. I had no choice – I was / am too ill to go traveling and I am seeking aggressive medical attention to solve this now established illness.

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2017/02/21/the-adventure-of-traveling-the-world/

In Malacca – I became very ill – the antibiotics had finished. So I was still unaware of what had bitten me in the attack. But it was revealed in the move. Malacca was useful in making me aware that I could not go anywhere- The Visa chop – the extension to stay in Malaysia would have to be done here in Malaysia. In Malacca

I simply collapsed- the heat – the walking around – in 2 hours I was lying on the benches beneath the museum – overcome. Yusuf was looking for me as I had just wondered off to sleep. Anaphylaxis had hit and I was stiffening up. Meaning I was experiencing – a physical response from the bacteriological attack – parasitic attack that led to joint pain and stiffness. I need a tetanus shot or anaphylactic shock injection. Epi Pen injections run at 1700 ringgits. A tetanus shot is 40.00 ringgits.

I was too leave Malaysia via Dumai, Indonesia. Yusuf was going to come along as he knew the city of Dumai, plus I was unsure of my physical ability or get the extension by the 28th. On the 27th. I was in many doctors’ offices. They were on lunch or? I was told come back at 5 or 7 etc. Pm. It was just 1.30 pm. I went to Klinik Kesihatan Port Dickson and what I experienced on the phone with The Hospital and the lack of response from the Klinik it was much worse in Person.

I paid my fee – and saw a Dr. who then upon listening to my analysis of events and though having the Anti- Tetanus shot, in his hand, decided to NOT give it to me – on the grounds that I could get it anywhere? I was shocked – “what do you mean. Anywhere?”

He says you can go to any Klinik in PD and they can give you any # of vaccines including Tetanus. Since this was not the case – as I had called and sent requests and got no response and prior to getting to the Kesihatan, I had gone to 3 of them near the bus station in PD – and the staff said no – GO TO Kesihatan. Dr. is not in and we don’t carry any of this stuff – or go to KL. I said I require at least a tetanus shot, he said NO – and called a Klinik on the phone. The surrealism of it all – was to see this doctor pantomime all kinds of good news – a thumb up and say Hurry and go to Klinik Ang. They have it all- I said are you sure – this is 5 hours of a wild goose chase. He says yes I have confirmed it all.

After seeing many doctors, I found that the Doctor at Klinik Asia to be the most helpful. But he will NOT notarize any of my scripts, or give me a letter explaining that he was treating me for any infection. He has many of these documents in his possession but refuses to officially document my experience. He just said NO- your case is too complicated. Its only complicated based on all this written experience. But I am documenting it with the Canadian High Commission – who also is hands off in all situations. By the time I am done – I hope they change their mind, for all our Canadian and world traveler sakes.

PD is a slow coastal city. There are few buses – few taxis and few conveniences or niceties. The people here are so rough- I asked how to get there – The response was Get a taxi – I asked where from? They said I will call you one. Half hour goes by and no taxi. So they said go – outside on the street and get one. That has never worked for me here in PD. In Kl or Thailand taxi hustle you. Here they just drive past you. When I first got to PD – we got a taxi and we had to load my suitcases and the driver came out to look and jumped back into his car and drove off. Leaving us stranded.

So I ended up walking in the heat back to town. It was now 5.30 the Klinik closes at 6pm . I finally got there – and waited to see Dr. Ang. He calls me in. I explained who I was and what I wanted and that the Dr. from Kesihatan had confirmed you have what I require. Dr. Ang says – “I did not – I told them I have to order it from Kesihatan” Go back to them and GET OUT. IM BUSY. Now I am really confused. I left – but by then it was after 6pm and I finally got a shot of tetanus from another Dr. and the other Klinik I had seen was open and I went in – told them the story and he said you need ROCEPHIN.

Rocephin is a very powerful multi spectrum antibiotic for infections related to the pathogenic world I had encountered. I was also given a lot of different other antibiotics for everything. This was late on February 28th – I took the drugs and went spiraling into side effects. They were very powerful releasing massive fevers- and the side effects were to make me dizzy and nauseas and had triggered anaphylaxis. The first few days I barely remember of early March – I knew I slept a lot and sweated and time just was lost.

I finally moved into B1 – 6 – 08 – Cocobay on March 10th…. under the Auspices of another Dark denizen- but the denizen that proved Leptospirosis.

Muniandy Manickam of Pann trans-holidays. All this you need to know, as Trust the shlock is great here. Do not ever make the mistakes I have. DO NOT COME TO PORT DICKSON OR MALAYSIA- it’s a sub reality into Leptospirosis madness.

The place was adequate. It was a corner suite lots of light and air and it was cleanish. I did ask them to clean it, again. I moved my stuff in at 2- 6 am. But it quickly became critical – another horror story – the aircon had flooded the bed room suite. Again something I had not experienced before. I started videotaping the flood and the amount of water. I actually had to put in a 6 foot baby pool that I had to contain the flood – it’s on Video. So no exaggeration.

But and this is important – I had to move the bed- and it was completely rotten – it was nothing but saw dust. I had checked the mattress – but not the bed. Once I moved the bed, I was faced to face with my nemesis. What I videotaped and took pictures off was the Rat Feces. This particular feces is red/rust in color exactly the same look and color of what was in the blanket and wash-water.

March 25th. There is more to this tale, as I temporarily stuck here. I have to clean scrub bleach- take drugs and suffer till it’s past. I am still hunting for treatment. I still have to prevent COCO-BAY – GOH – DJULY FROM HARMING ME!

I want all my $ refunded from all the rents – and Medical expenses.

This ain’t over till – the cow jumps over the moon.

https://youtu.be/TYEmNcKcC9Y

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/12/13/the-hotel-of-death-grand-swiss-hotel-penang/

https://www.google.com/maps/dir/”/cocobay+resort+malaysia/@2.4432622,101.7896705,12z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m8!4m7!1m0!1m5!1m1!1s0x31cdf7a6c6ee8e3b:0xf52d3be5ffeb1030!2m2!1d101.8597111!2d2.443264

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/09/07/the-bullshit-that-is-toronto-canada/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2015/11/10/this-more-some-of-the-work-still-online/

The Plague @ Cocobay Resort Leptospirosis diseases Port Dickson Malaysia 2017 Coco-bay resort Address: Jalan Pantai, Tanjung Tanah Merah, 71050 Port Dickson, Negeri Sembilan, Malaysia LET US START WITH THE FACTS.

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travelforfun99 · 7 years

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15 Things we learned from TRAVEL

In the last 12 months I learned a lot about long-term travel, what I need to be happy, and how to survive outside of the U.S. Many of these things can’t be learned at home or in a book, and while reading about them on the internet can only get you so far, a lot of people have asked me to explain how I’ve done it.

Well, here’s part of the answer.

“There’s no substitute for just going there.”

-Yvon Chouinard My trip hasn’t been about sightseeing (although I’ve done that) as much as just being somewhere. The simple challenges of daily routine can be overwhelming: trying to eat, drink and sleep in a place where nothing makes sense, you don’t speak the language, and where none of the basic comforts of home are available. It’s not easy, but if you want a fast-track to personal development, get on a plane.

When I was younger my dad often said, “The hardest part is just getting out the door.” And that may be the most important lesson of all: it’s too easy to get complacent at home and if you aren’t at least a little uncomfortable, you probably aren’t learning anything.

If you’ve already traveled extensively, you may get a kick out of this. If you haven’t, here are some reflections, tips, and advice about long-term travel on my one-year anniversary of life on the road:

#1) Most of the world’s people are friendly and decent. Except for the French*.

Some stereotypes really hold up, but on average, most of the people I’ve met around the world are extremely polite, friendly and helpful. They are generally interested in why I chose to visit their home. They are eager to assist if it’s obvious I’m lost or in trouble. They’ll go out of their way to try to make sure I have a good stay in their country. And, contrary to what most Americans tend to think (see #3 below), they often don’t know much about the United States (or necessarily care).

Don’t be convinced before leaving that “everyone there is _______”. Show a modicum of respect to people and their culture and you’ll be blown away by what you get back. Try picking up a little of the local language. Just learning how to say “thank you” can make a huge impact.

* Sorry, I couldn’t resist. To be fair, France is like everywhere else: most people are decent. It’s just that France has a particularly large proportion of bad apples that give the place a well-deserved reputation. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people in France, but also a disproportionate number of a**holes (not travelers generally, but residents of France). This isn’t based on a single trip nor is it restricted to Paris. Almost every non-French local in Europe agreed with me on this one.

#2) Most places are as safe (or safer) than home. I remember confessing to my mother recently that I had a big night out in Budapest and stumbled back to my apartment at dawn. Her reaction was: “But don’t you worry about being drunk in a foreign country?”

Ha ha, not at all mom! I’ve never felt so safe!

The only place I’ve been violently mugged was in my home city of San Francisco. Many of the people I know there have been robbed at gunpoint, and on more than one occasion there were shootings in my neighborhood.

In one incident just a block away from my apartment (Dolores Park), a man was shot five times and somehow escaped, only to collapse about 10 meters from our front door. You can still see the blood stains on the sidewalk.

Turns out we actually live in a pretty dangerous country.

In over 365 days on the road, staying mostly in dormitory-style hostels and traveling through several countries considered ‘high-risk,’ the only incident I had was an iPhone stolen out of my pocket on the metro in Medellin, Colombia. I didn’t even notice and deserved it for waiving the damn thing around in the wrong part of town. Most people think that in a place like Colombia you’ll still get kidnapped or knocked off by a motorcycle assassin, but that’s not true. According to the locals I talked to (who grew up there), things have been safer there for at least 10 years.

Caveat: This doesn’t give you a license to be stupid, and some places really warrant respect. Guatemala and Honduras, where there are major drug wars going on (and the Peace Corps recently pulled all of their volunteers), or Quito, Ecuador, where everyone I talked to had been robbed, are reasonably dangerous (I had no trouble in any of them).

In reality, based on the sort of mindless binge-drinking that happens in most travel hot spots, you’d expect travelers to get knocked off a lot more often. But if you pay attention and don’t do anything stupid, you’ll be fine.

#3) Most people don’t know (or care) what America is doing. I think the whole America vs. the rest of the world debate has been summed up perfectly in this post:

=> 10 Things Americans Don’t Know About America

I couldn’t have said it better:

Despite the occasional eye-rolling, and complete inability to understand why anyone would vote for George W. Bush, people from other countries don’t hate us either. In fact — and I know this is a really sobering realization for us — most people in the world don’t really think about us or care about us. I’ve met people that didn’t even know that San Francisco (or California even) had a coastline (now there’s a sobering conversation for you. So much for thinking that’s the center of the world eh?).

One thing is true: Americans are not well represented on the travel circuit. It just doesn’t seem to be culturally important to us, unlike say, the Australians, who never go home.

#4) You can travel long-term for the price of rent and a round of drinks back home My favorite question from friends at home has been: “how the hell are you still traveling?”

Well, for what you spent at lunch I can live on for a whole day in Indonesia. That’s all there is to it.

- Monthly rent for a shared apartment in San Francisco could be: $1,100 per person.

- My average monthly expenditure during the last year of travel: $1,200 / month*. That’s $40 / day, and includes some ridiculous and totally auxiliary expenses. For example:

10 days of Scuba diving in Utila, Honduras - $330 Kitesurfing gear rental in Mancora, Peru - $100 for two days Flight to Easter Island (50 percent subsidized by my dad) - $400 Acquisition of 4 Surfboards, + Repairs and Accessories over the year - $750 Purchasing a bunch of gear, like a new netbook ($380), wetsuit ($175), boardshorts ($55), camping gear ($100), a SteriPen water purifier ($125), summer sleeping bag ($55) Riding the NaviMag Ferry through the lake district of Chilean Patagonia from Coyaiquhe to Puerto Montt ($200). Taking a total of seven nearly cross-continental flights (like Brussels=>Greece) during my four months in Europe. And so on. I also went out, a lot, and spent way to much money on alcohol.

Before I left home, my original budget projection was $50 / day, which I would consider lavish in many parts of the world. In some places, I spent as little as $20 / day (including lodging, all meals and booze) while living in relative luxury right on the beach. Generally, I shot for $30 / day which gave me a buffer of $20 for travel and miscellaneous or one-time expenses.

Countries visited on this budget: Honduras, El Salvador, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama, Colombia, Peru, Ecuador, Chile, Easter Island (Chile), Argentina, Uruguay, Santa Cruz (California), North Shore of Oahu, Belgium, France, Spain, Germany, Czech Republic, Poland, Hungary, Austria, Serbia, Bulgaria, and Turkey

Totals: Six months Central/S. America, two months U.S., two months Western Europe and two months Easter Europe).

Obviously, some places are cheaper than others, like Guatemala, where you can get a room for $4 per night. You have to be a lot more careful in Western Europe, where I got a little bit loose with my budget and spent $2,000 per month for two months. But I also spent less than $900 in the month that I biked (pushbike) through France.

You might be blown away by how cheap some “expensive” places can be. The second cheapest hostel I stayed in (after Guatemala) was in Berlin, Germany, at €6 / night (~$7.43 USD). Beer in Prague was as cheap or cheaper than any other country I’ve been to (it was $1.43 for 0.5L in ultra-touristy downtown Prague). You can rent a decent downtown apartment in Budapest for $200 / month.

Bottom line: If you’re careful, you can travel on $1,200 per month or less. Rolf Potts, the author ofVagabonding (highly, highly recommended whether or not you’re planning to travel) claims to have circled the globe for years on $1,000 per month. Budget $1,500 per month and you should be totally covered. You can do this even in Europe if you go slow, stay with friends or in cheaper hostels, fly on discount airlines (as opposed to taking the train), cook or eat street food, and don’t buy booze at the bar (which I did and somehow survived).

The best budget rule of thumb I’ve learned (can’t remember the source) is to take the price of your nightly accommodation and triple it. That will be about your daily minimum to survive, so $30 per day where a hostel runs you $10 per night.

*Note that my monthly total budget does not include transcontinental airfare (like U.S. to Europe) which was free (see How I flew around the world for $220). Since I typically travel overland and all flights are one-way tickets I haven’t flown as much as you’d expect.

#5) Saving for a big trip is not as hard as you think. Most people think I’m rich because I’ve been traveling for a year. What they don’t realize is that, although I didn’t leave at the time (this was five years ago), I was able to save enough money for this trip within a year and a half of graduating college.

My first salaried job paid $29,000 per year — not exactly ballin’ by U.S. college-grad standards. But by pretty ruthless budgeting , I was able to save $1,000 a month for the 15 months I worked there.

Guess what? That’s $15,000 or 12.5 months of travel at $1,200 per month.

Are there sacrifices to be made? Of course. But it’s worth it.

Btw, I am by no means the first person to discover or write about travel budgeting. This post is from 2009: Travel full-time for less than $14,000 per year. Don’t think it’s just us either, because all of thesepeople are writing about it.

I plan to write more about how to save money in the future

#6) In most places, moving around is incredibly easy. I rode buses from Honduras all the way to Uruguay. With a surfboard. And it was a cinch.

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Unlike the independent car culture of the U.S., people all over the world rely on some kind of bus service to get around.

In most places you can get from anywhere to just about anywhere else, and most of the time it doesn’t take more than a few minutes to figure out. Generally (outside the middle of peak tourist season in popular places) I haven’t bothered with reservations or pre-planning transportation routes. I just show up at the bus or train station and go.

I’ve ridden buses for hours into the middle of the Costa Rican jungle as well as through BFE in the Northern Chilean Andes. There’s almost always a group of locals who needs to get to where you’re going too. And if there’s no bus you can always hitchhike (this only happened once or twice on my entire trip).

It’s an eye-opener to see how some of the poorest countries on earth can still provide better public transportation than San Francisco.

In places like Europe and South East Asia you also have the opportunity to take advantage of discount airlines like RyanAir and EasyJet. I flew across Europe seven times in two months for less than $120 that way.

#7) Every pound over 20 makes life worse. There is virtually no reason to carry more than 20lbs (~9kg) of gear unless you’re going on a major trek or you have some serious sporting event in mind (like multi-day backpacking or cold weather sports). If you’re traveling in the summer you can get by on even less.

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Here’s the first key: Try only to do one thing on your trip. If you are hiking, just hike. If you are surfing, just surf. If you’re party backpacking and staying in hostels, just do that. Packing for every possibility is suicidal. You just can’t carry street clothes and backpacking gear in the same pack and expect to not have a million tons of crap.

I’ve traveled the last year with a carry-on sized 30L day-pack made for climbing (this means it’s made to properly handle weight). Right now, it’s only 2/3 full and loaded with exactly 20lbs of gear (which in my opinion is still too heavy). But I have some serious accessories in there including 3lbs of surfing equipment (for Indonesia), a 3lb laptop, as well as a GoPro video camera (0.5lb).

When most people pack for a trip, they make a list of things to pack and then try to figure out how to fit it all in. But the best way to choose a backpack is to find the bag you want to carry and then see what you can fit inside. Make sure the pack doesn’t weigh more than 3lbs by itself.

If you can get to less than 15lbs (~7kg) it will change your life. Imagine getting to a location and being able to walk around and site-see with all your gear. Incredible.

This is the other key: pack the 20 percent of gear and clothing that will cover 80 percent of possible travel scenarios (yet another manifestation of the 80/20 rule). If you end up saying “I might do _____” then get rid of it. Don’t take anything you won’t use with relative frequency unless it’s really expensive or hard to find on the road.

Get rid of everything you possibly can before you set out, and don’t be afraid to donate things or send them home along the way. Oh, and the easiest way to figure out your pack weight? Buy a cheap fish scale from Amazon.com.

A small pack also allows you to have a carry-on bag, even on super small planes. I can’t understate the importance of this.

Bottom line: Trust me, the longer you travel the less you want to carry.

Bonus: Here is my 2013 Round the World Trip pack list.

#8) Long-term travel is not a vacation (it’s a full-time job). After my first six months of traveling I went home for a break. To the surprise of my friends, I was completely spent, exhausted, and didn’t want to do much of anything.

“But you’ve been on vacation, you should feel great!”

Right. I guess you missed the 22 hour bus-ride where we took turns puking in the back because of altitude sickness and pisco-induced hangovers. Or maybe you didn’t make it to the last 15 hostels where sleeping before being black-out drunk is just not an option. (Sounds glamorous, doesn’t it!)

Planning and logistics also take an incredible amount of time and effort. Most downtime spent in a place when not sight-seeing is typically sucked up in researching the next destination, making reservations, planning logistics, and going through the dreaded ‘time budgeting’ process where you decide what you can reasonably see in the time available (and what you have to cut out).

Overall, it’s exhausting, and a great reason to consider traveling slowly (more on that later).

If you move quickly, don’t have any illusions about all the things you’re going to “get done” in your down-time. Take a good book and just travel, that’s it.

#9) ‘Travelers’ and ‘Tourists’ are different. You know what I mean.

Tourists exchange money for pre-packaged experiences. They consume experiences and move on without engaging with the local culture.

Travelers are there to see things, not buy them.

Travelers tend to be more involved. They may stay with locals, hang out with locals, try to learn the language, or just plain move slowly enough to really live and be where they are.

Sometimes I play “tourist” but that doesn’t mean I see myself as one.

#10) Don’t worry about traveling alone (it’s better). Although I’m a solo traveler I haven’t spent much more than a handful of days on the road alone. That’s because you meet people everywhere: in hostels, on buses, trains, planes, restaurants, trail-heads, monuments, etc. If you’re doing a standard travel circuit you’ll see the same people over and over again (most people don’t leave the Lonely Planet itinerary), and it isn’t uncommon to fall in with a large group of people who are all going the same way.

It’s so easy to meet people that I’m often stuck with the opposite problem: trying to get away from everyone. While I love all my new friends I need some downtime every so often.

Most travelers are uncommonly interested in meeting new people. That’s one of the big reasons they’re on the road. A simple “where are you headed” has often turned into a new travel partner for weeks. And when it stops working you simply set off on your own again.

Afraid to go it alone? Don’t be. Go the the first big city in your destination country and hang out in the hostel lobby for a few days. I promise you’ll make new friends. This is why you should also stay in hostels. Don’t be afraid of sharing a room. It’s a small trade-off for the amazing people you’ll meet.

#11) Movement can be addictive (and this is not necessarily a good thing). The “traveler’s rush” that hits you upon arrival to a new place is like a drug. And like a drug, the more you expose yourself to it the more you want.

This can mean moving too fast or skipping out on places just to experience the ecstasy of arrival again. The results are obvious: less time in places you thought you wanted to see and ultimately, burnout. The tendency to try to cram more places into an overpacked schedule is often hard to control.

One trick I’ve found to deal with this is to have a minimum stay: Three nights in every destination. This is enough time to see the place, relax, and get sorted before the next stop. It also means you’ll have to cut out some places if you’re tight on time. While I’ve had great one-night stops before (I’m looking at you, Belgrade) it isn’t sustainable or desirable to do too much of this.

Of course, some places aren’t what you expected either. If that’s the case, get the hell out of there and spend more time in a place you want to be.

#12) Don’t bank on paradise. 2013-10-08-Image4.jpg

Keep your expectations in check.

This isn’t easy, since you really want that place you’ve been dreaming about to be paradise. But like anything else, high expectations are a recipe for disappointment.

I spent five years in office jobs dreaming about getting back to Utila, the magical Scuba party-island off the coast of Honduras. When I finally got there, I was ready to leave after a week.

Turns out I didn’t really care about Scuba-diving as much as I thought, and there’s only so much you can do on a tropical island before you go nuts. At that time I also had new aspirations and a new skill: surfing. I ended up heading to El Salvador to surf some of the best waves of my life.

Expectations can also make or break a place. Most of the places I knew nothing about before arriving blew my mind. Most of the places I had high expectations for utterly failed to impress me (except for Chicama, the world’s longest wave, and Rome).

The other thing is that as you go through life the rules are always changing. By the time I arrived here in Bali — which has been a dream and one of the pinnacles of the trip — I had a small but growing online business that had become my number one priority. Instead of rushing off to some deserted beach hut and surfing all day I’m obsessed with trying to find a place to live where I can get to fast internet at least a few times a week. Say what you will, but my priorities have totally changed (at least for the moment).

It also turns out that a lot of Bali is a tourist nightmare from hell. Or maybe it’s just getting harder for me to be as impressed by anything.

Also: Take recommendations with a grain of salt. Another person’s paradise might be your personal hell, and vice-versa. A close friend of mine thinks tropical beaches are the reason for existence. Well, unless there is wind or waves on them I’ll crack up after three days. Getting stuck on a deserted tropical island is my definition of hell-on-earth.

#13) Traveling doesn’t get ‘traveling’ out of your system. If you’ve got this bug, it’s not going away (sorry), but the obvious question is: why are we trying to get traveling out of our system, anyway?

Rolf Potts did a great job in Vagabonding of justifying not just travel as a lifestyle, but also a lifestyle that makes travel a non-negotiable ingredient. Whether that means saving for a big trip or just taking a few weeks a year the important thing is to make room in your life to keep traveling.

I was actually told on this trip (if you’re reading this) that I needed to stop screwing around and: grow up.” I think in our culture that means going back to the “real world” of office jobs, succumbing to general complacency, and trying to enjoy two weeks off a year.

If that’s the case you can count me out.

The world is just too big and interesting to not be exploring.

#14) Eventually, you will need something real to do. Most people think that I’ve spent the last year sipping Mai-Tais on the beach somewhere. Well, I tried that and after four days I started to lose it.

The sad and somewhat surprising truth about the myth of the deserted tropical island paradise is this: there is nothing to do on a deserted tropical island. As Harrison Ford drunkenly slurred once in that terrible but entertaining movie, ‘Honey... it’s an island. If you don’t bring it you ain’t gonna find it here.”

Despite popular belief, most people can’t just sit around doing nothing for an extended period of time. Especially Type-A American folks who I’ve been told are “goal-oriented”and always trying to “get things done.” It might be a cultural thing, but it’s more likely just human nature to want to be involved in something larger than yourself. (This also, by the way, is the death knell for the whole concept of retirement, as articulated so well in Tim Ferris’ 4-Hour WorkWeek).

The point of quitting a job to travel around the world is also not to do nothing; it’s to do something else. As Tim Ferris points out, “idle time is poisonous,” and believe me, when you’ve cut your ties with conventional society you’re going to have a few moments of serious self-flagellation. The endless ‘what I’m doing’ and ‘why am I doing this’ loop.

It’s true that the feeling of wanting to build/create/be a part of something can be deferred since traveling itself is a full-time job, and that simple fact can keep you satisfied for a long time. But after six months of moving around I was astonished to discover I was actually bored. I mean, really bored. There are only so many days that you can walk around looking at things, go to the beach, and party all night without starting to think that something’s missing.

For more on working on the road, see the 22 things I’ve learned as a digital nomad.

What it boils down to is that eventually you’ll need need a project. Whether that means studying, concentrating on a sport, volunteering, working somewhere, starting an online business, or whatever, eventually you’ll have to find a creative or intellectual outlet to keep yourself sane. Which brings up the next point:

#15) Long-term happiness is a pretty complicated emergent property that has little to do with money. I will probably kick myself later for publishing this, but what the hell, here goes:

If you studied any chemistry in school you may remember the concept of emergent properties: the difference between the dining-room table and this computer screen is simply the right mix of a bunch of elements. Put together the right pieces and the product spontaneously emerges from the matter it’s composed of.

Similarly, in my experience happiness is not derived from a single point source (although it can be temporarily) like a sudden infusion of cash or arriving at your dream destination. Instead, it takes a lot of things working in concert to keep me happy: it’s really the emergent property of a network of variables..

Unfortunately, most people seem to forget the network effect and focus on a single variable, like money. Sure, money can allow you to do things, but once basic needs are satisfied the correlation between money and happiness seems to drop off a cliff.

A lot of people defer things they might otherwise pursue for the big payout dream. The “if I only win the lottery” or “when I sell my company for $10 million” routine. The problem with the fantasy, besides the obvious deferral of really having to come to terms with what you want to do in life, is that while a big payout would certainly increase the options available to you, but that is not necessarily a good thing. I won’t elaborate on this too much further here, but having more options has actually made me less happy in the past, as was so well articulated in The Paradox of Choice.

And here’s another punchline: most people whose luck or life-stage has allowed them to not be required to work seem to choose to anyway. I know a guy who retired at 26. What does he do now? Runs a firm for fun.

Think $10 million in the bank is going to make you happy? Well, good luck with that.

While I can’t speak for everyone, I’ve learned that I need the nearly perfect concert of three to four major variables before I can say that I’m “really happy.”

These have very little to do with money:

Health: Not just injury or disease-free but fit and functional for everything I want to do. That could mean anything from just feeling good in the morning to being able to easily run five miles. Wealth: I’m not talking about money, but the reinterpretation of wealth as the free time and means to do what you want to do. In my experience, control of my time is the key, and as long as I have enough money to cover basic expenses I’m happy. Relationships: In major cross-cultural studies published by the WorldWatch Institute, happiness has often been primarily attributed to breadth and depth of social connections.’Nuf said. Productive/Creative Outlet: As discussed above, I need something to learn, to do, or to build. If this sounds cliche or too simple, try sitting on a beach somewhere and wonder why you’re not happy for a few weeks. It’s easy to forget the most basic things in life.

(The funny thing about having four simultaneous requirements is the violation of Sun Tzu’s Art of War: Never fight a battle on multiple fronts. Maybe you’ve figured it out already, in which case I’d love to talk to you about it, but whenever I get two things in order the third one drops out of the sky.)

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