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I thought y'all should read this

I have a free trial to News+ so I copy-pasted it for you here. I don't think Jonathan Haidt would object to more people having this info.

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End the Phone-Based Childhood Now

The environment in which kids grow up today is hostile to human development.

By Jonathan Haidt

Something went suddenly and horribly wrong for adolescents in the early 2010s. By now you’ve likely seen the statistics: Rates of depression and anxiety in the United States—fairly stable in the 2000s—rose by more than 50 percent in many studies from 2010 to 2019. The suicide rate rose 48 percent for adolescents ages 10 to 19. For girls ages 10 to 14, it rose 131 percent.

The problem was not limited to the U.S.: Similar patterns emerged around the same time in Canada, the U.K., Australia, New Zealand, the Nordic countries, and beyond. By a variety of measures and in a variety of countries, the members of Generation Z (born in and after 1996) are suffering from anxiety, depression, self-harm, and related disorders at levels higher than any other generation for which we have data.

The decline in mental health is just one of many signs that something went awry. Loneliness and friendlessness among American teens began to surge around 2012. Academic achievement went down, too. According to “The Nation’s Report Card,” scores in reading and math began to decline for U.S. students after 2012, reversing decades of slow but generally steady increase. PISA, the major international measure of educational trends, shows that declines in math, reading, and science happened globally, also beginning in the early 2010s.

As the oldest members of Gen Z reach their late 20s, their troubles are carrying over into adulthood. Young adults are dating less, having less sex, and showing less interest in ever having children than prior generations. They are more likelyto live with their parents. They were less likely to get jobs as teens, and managers say they are harder to work with. Many of these trends began with earlier generations, but most of them accelerated with Gen Z.

Surveys show that members of Gen Z are shyer and more risk averse than previous generations, too, and risk aversion may make them less ambitious. In an interview last May, OpenAI co-founder Sam Altman and Stripe co-founder Patrick Collison noted that, for the first time since the 1970s, none of Silicon Valley’s preeminent entrepreneurs are under 30. “Something has really gone wrong,” Altman said. In a famously young industry, he was baffled by the sudden absence of great founders in their 20s.

Generations are not monolithic, of course. Many young people are flourishing. Taken as a whole, however, Gen Z is in poor mental health and is lagging behind previous generations on many important metrics. And if a generation is doing poorly––if it is more anxious and depressed and is starting families, careers, and important companies at a substantially lower rate than previous generations––then the sociological and economic consequences will be profound for the entire society.

What happened in the early 2010s that altered adolescent development and worsened mental health? Theories abound, but the fact that similar trends are found in many countries worldwide means that events and trends that are specific to the United States cannot be the main story.

I think the answer can be stated simply, although the underlying psychology is complex: Those were the years when adolescents in rich countries traded in their flip phones for smartphones and moved much more of their social lives online—particularly onto social-media platforms designed for virality and addiction. Once young people began carrying the entire internet in their pockets, available to them day and night, it altered their daily experiences and developmental pathways across the board. Friendship, dating, sexuality, exercise, sleep, academics, politics, family dynamics, identity—all were affected. Life changed rapidly for younger children, too, as they began to get access to their parents’ smartphones and, later, got their own iPads, laptops, and even smartphones during elementary school.

As a social psychologist who has long studied social and moral development, I have been involved in debates about the effects of digital technology for years. Typically, the scientific questions have been framed somewhat narrowly, to make them easier to address with data. For example, do adolescents who consume more social media have higher levels of depression? Does using a smartphone just before bedtime interfere with sleep? The answer to these questions is usually found to be yes, although the size of the relationship is often statistically small, which has led some researchers to conclude that these new technologies are not responsible for the gigantic increases in mental illness that began in the early 2010s.

But before we can evaluate the evidence on any one potential avenue of harm, we need to step back and ask a broader question: What is childhood––including adolescence––and how did it change when smartphones moved to the center of it? If we take a more holistic view of what childhood is and what young children, tweens, and teens need to do to mature into competent adults, the picture becomes much clearer. Smartphone-based life, it turns out, alters or interferes with a great number of developmental processes.

The intrusion of smartphones and social media are not the only changes that have deformed childhood. There’s an important backstory, beginning as long ago as the 1980s, when we started systematically depriving children and adolescents of freedom, unsupervised play, responsibility, and opportunities for risk taking, all of which promote competence, maturity, and mental health. But the change in childhood accelerated in the early 2010s, when an already independence-deprived generation was lured into a new virtual universe that seemed safe to parents but in fact is more dangerous, in many respects, than the physical world.

My claim is that the new phone-based childhood that took shape roughly 12 years ago is making young people sick and blocking their progress to flourishing in adulthood. We need a dramatic cultural correction, and we need it now.

1. The Decline of Play and Independence

Human brains are extraordinarily large compared with those of other primates, and human childhoods are extraordinarily long, too, to give those large brains time to wire up within a particular culture. A child’s brain is already 90 percent of its adult size by about age 6. The next 10 or 15 years are about learning norms and mastering skills—physical, analytical, creative, and social. As children and adolescents seek out experiences and practice a wide variety of behaviors, the synapses and neurons that are used frequently are retained while those that are used less often disappear. Neurons that fire together wire together, as brain researchers say.

Brain development is sometimes said to be “experience-expectant,” because specific parts of the brain show increased plasticity during periods of life when an animal’s brain can “expect” to have certain kinds of experiences. You can see this with baby geese, who will imprint on whatever mother-sized object moves in their vicinity just after they hatch. You can see it with human children, who are able to learn languages quickly and take on the local accent, but only through early puberty; after that, it’s hard to learn a language and sound like a native speaker. There is also some evidence of a sensitive period for cultural learning more generally. Japanese children who spent a few years in California in the 1970s came to feel “American” in their identity and ways of interacting only if they attended American schools for a few years between ages 9 and 15. If they left before age 9, there was no lasting impact. If they didn’t arrive until they were 15, it was too late; they didn’t come to feel American.

Human childhood is an extended cultural apprenticeship with different tasks at different ages all the way through puberty. Once we see it this way, we can identify factors that promote or impede the right kinds of learning at each age. For children of all ages, one of the most powerful drivers of learning is the strong motivation to play. Play is the work of childhood, and all young mammals have the same job: to wire up their brains by playing vigorously and often, practicing the moves and skills they’ll need as adults. Kittens will play-pounce on anything that looks like a mouse tail. Human children will play games such as tag and sharks and minnows, which let them practice both their predator skills and their escaping-from-predator skills. Adolescents will play sports with greater intensity, and will incorporate playfulness into their social interactions—flirting, teasing, and developing inside jokes that bond friends together. Hundreds of studies on young rats, monkeys, and humans show that young mammals want to play, need to play, and end up socially, cognitively, and emotionally impaired when they are deprived of play.

One crucial aspect of play is physical risk taking. Children and adolescents must take risks and fail—often—in environments in which failure is not very costly. This is how they extend their abilities, overcome their fears, learn to estimate risk, and learn to cooperate in order to take on larger challenges later. The ever-present possibility of getting hurt while running around, exploring, play-fighting, or getting into a real conflict with another group adds an element of thrill, and thrilling play appears to be the most effective kind for overcoming childhood anxieties and building social, emotional, and physical competence. The desire for risk and thrill increases in the teen years, when failure might carry more serious consequences. Children of all ages need to choose the risk they are ready for at a given moment. Young people who are deprived of opportunities for risk taking and independent exploration will, on average, develop into more anxious and risk-averse adults.

Human childhood and adolescence evolved outdoors, in a physical world full of dangers and opportunities. Its central activities––play, exploration, and intense socializing––were largely unsupervised by adults, allowing children to make their own choices, resolve their own conflicts, and take care of one another. Shared adventures and shared adversity bound young people together into strong friendship clusters within which they mastered the social dynamics of small groups, which prepared them to master bigger challenges and larger groups later on.

And then we changed childhood.

The changes started slowly in the late 1970s and ’80s, before the arrival of the internet, as many parents in the U.S. grew fearful that their children would be harmed or abducted if left unsupervised. Such crimes have always been extremely rare, but they loomed larger in parents’ minds thanks in part to rising levels of street crime combined with the arrival of cable TV, which enabled round-the-clock coverage of missing-children cases. A general decline in social capital––the degree to which people knew and trusted their neighbors and institutions––exacerbated parental fears. Meanwhile, rising competition for college admissions encouraged more intensive forms of parenting. In the 1990s, American parents began pulling their children indoors or insisting that afternoons be spent in adult-run enrichment activities. Free play, independent exploration, and teen-hangout time declined.

In recent decades, seeing unchaperoned children outdoors has become so novel that when one is spotted in the wild, some adults feel it is their duty to call the police. In 2015, the Pew Research Center found that parents, on average, believed that children should be at least 10 years old to play unsupervised in front of their house, and that kids should be 14 before being allowed to go unsupervised to a public park. Most of these same parents had enjoyed joyous and unsupervised outdoor play by the age of 7 or 8.

2. The Virtual World Arrives in Two Waves

The internet, which now dominates the lives of young people, arrived in two waves of linked technologies. The first one did little harm to Millennials. The second one swallowed Gen Z whole.

The first wave came ashore in the 1990s with the arrival of dial-up internet access, which made personal computers good for something beyond word processing and basic games. By 2003, 55 percent of American households had a computer with (slow) internet access. Rates of adolescent depression, loneliness, and other measures of poor mental health did not rise in this first wave. If anything, they went down a bit. Millennial teens (born 1981 through 1995), who were the first to go through puberty with access to the internet, were psychologically healthier and happier, on average, than their older siblings or parents in Generation X (born 1965 through 1980).

The second wave began to rise in the 2000s, though its full force didn’t hit until the early 2010s. It began rather innocently with the introduction of social-media platforms that helped people connect with their friends. Posting and sharing content became much easier with sites such as Friendster (launched in 2003), Myspace (2003), and Facebook (2004).

Teens embraced social media soon after it came out, but the time they could spend on these sites was limited in those early years because the sites could only be accessed from a computer, often the family computer in the living room. Young people couldn’t access social media (and the rest of the internet) from the school bus, during class time, or while hanging out with friends outdoors. Many teens in the early-to-mid-2000s had cellphones, but these were basic phones (many of them flip phones) that had no internet access. Typing on them was difficult––they had only number keys. Basic phones were tools that helped Millennials meet up with one another in person or talk with each other one-on-one. I have seen no evidence to suggest that basic cellphones harmed the mental health of Millennials.

It was not until the introduction of the iPhone (2007), the App Store (2008), and high-speed internet (which reached 50 percent of American homes in 2007)—and the corresponding pivot to mobile made by many providers of social media, video games, and porn—that it became possible for adolescents to spend nearly every waking moment online. The extraordinary synergy among these innovations was what powered the second technological wave. In 2011, only 23 percent of teens had a smartphone. By 2015, that number had risen to 73 percent, and a quarter of teens said they were online “almost constantly.” Their younger siblings in elementary school didn’t usually have their own smartphones, but after its release in 2010, the iPad quickly became a staple of young children’s daily lives. It was in this brief period, from 2010 to 2015, that childhood in America (and many other countries) was rewired into a form that was more sedentary, solitary, virtual, and incompatible with healthy human development.

3. Techno-optimism and the Birth of the Phone-Based Childhood

The phone-based childhood created by that second wave—including not just smartphones themselves, but all manner of internet-connected devices, such as tablets, laptops, video-game consoles, and smartwatches—arrived near the end of a period of enormous optimism about digital technology. The internet came into our lives in the mid-1990s, soon after the fall of the Soviet Union. By the end of that decade, it was widely thought that the web would be an ally of democracy and a slayer of tyrants. When people are connected to each other, and to all the information in the world, how could any dictator keep them down?

In the 2000s, Silicon Valley and its world-changing inventions were a source of pride and excitement in America. Smart and ambitious young people around the world wanted to move to the West Coast to be part of the digital revolution. Tech-company founders such as Steve Jobs and Sergey Brin were lauded as gods, or at least as modern Prometheans, bringing humans godlike powers. The Arab Spring bloomed in 2011 with the help of decentralized social platforms, including Twitter and Facebook. When pundits and entrepreneurs talked about the power of social media to transform society, it didn’t sound like a dark prophecy.

You have to put yourself back in this heady time to understand why adults acquiesced so readily to the rapid transformation of childhood. Many parents had concerns, even then, about what their children were doing online, especially because of the internet’s ability to put children in contact with strangers. But there was also a lot of excitement about the upsides of this new digital world. If computers and the internet were the vanguards of progress, and if young people––widely referred to as “digital natives”––were going to live their lives entwined with these technologies, then why not give them a head start? I remember how exciting it was to see my 2-year-old son master the touch-and-swipe interface of my first iPhone in 2008. I thought I could see his neurons being woven together faster as a result of the stimulation it brought to his brain, compared to the passivity of watching television or the slowness of building a block tower. I thought I could see his future job prospects improving.

Touchscreen devices were also a godsend for harried parents. Many of us discovered that we could have peace at a restaurant, on a long car trip, or at home while making dinner or replying to emails if we just gave our children what they most wanted: our smartphones and tablets. We saw that everyone else was doing it and figured it must be okay.

It was the same for older children, desperate to join their friends on social-media platforms, where the minimum age to open an account was set by law to 13, even though no research had been done to establish the safety of these products for minors. Because the platforms did nothing (and still do nothing) to verify the stated age of new-account applicants, any 10-year-old could open multiple accounts without parental permission or knowledge, and many did. Facebook and later Instagram became places where many sixth and seventh graders were hanging out and socializing. If parents did find out about these accounts, it was too late. Nobody wanted their child to be isolated and alone, so parents rarely forced their children to shut down their accounts.

We had no idea what we were doing.

4. The High Cost of a Phone-Based Childhood

In Walden, his 1854 reflection on simple living, Henry David Thoreau wrote, “The cost of a thing is the amount of … life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” It’s an elegant formulation of what economists would later call the opportunity cost of any choice—all of the things you can no longer do with your money and time once you’ve committed them to something else. So it’s important that we grasp just how much of a young person’s day is now taken up by their devices.

The numbers are hard to believe. The most recent Gallup data show that American teens spend about five hours a day just on social-media platforms (including watching videos on TikTok and YouTube). Add in all the other phone- and screen-based activities, and the number rises to somewhere between seven and nine hours a day, on average. The numbers are even higher in single-parent and low-income families, and among Black, Hispanic, and Native American families.

In Thoreau’s terms, how much of life is exchanged for all this screen time? Arguably, most of it. Everything else in an adolescent’s day must get squeezed down or eliminated entirely to make room for the vast amount of content that is consumed, and for the hundreds of “friends,” “followers,” and other network connections that must be serviced with texts, posts, comments, likes, snaps, and direct messages. I recently surveyed my students at NYU, and most of them reported that the very first thing they do when they open their eyes in the morning is check their texts, direct messages, and social-media feeds. It’s also the last thing they do before they close their eyes at night. And it’s a lot of what they do in between.

The amount of time that adolescents spend sleeping declined in the early 2010s, and many studies tie sleep loss directly to the use of devices around bedtime, particularly when they’re used to scroll through social media. Exercise declined, too, which is unfortunate because exercise, like sleep, improves both mental and physical health. Book reading has been declining for decades, pushed aside by digital alternatives, but the decline, like so much else, sped up in the early 2010s. With passive entertainment always available, adolescent minds likely wander less than they used to; contemplation and imagination might be placed on the list of things winnowed down or crowded out.

But perhaps the most devastating cost of the new phone-based childhood was the collapse of time spent interacting with other people face-to-face. A study of how Americans spend their time found that, before 2010, young people (ages 15 to 24) reported spending far more time with their friends (about two hours a day, on average, not counting time together at school) than did older people (who spent just 30 to 60 minutes with friends). Time with friends began decreasing for young people in the 2000s, but the drop accelerated in the 2010s, while it barely changed for older people. By 2019, young people’s time with friends had dropped to just 67 minutes a day. It turns out that Gen Z had been socially distancing for many years and had mostly completed the project by the time COVID-19 struck.

You might question the importance of this decline. After all, isn’t much of this online time spent interacting with friends through texting, social media, and multiplayer video games? Isn’t that just as good?

Some of it surely is, and virtual interactions offer unique benefits too, especially for young people who are geographically or socially isolated. But in general, the virtual world lacks many of the features that make human interactions in the real world nutritious, as we might say, for physical, social, and emotional development. In particular, real-world relationships and social interactions are characterized by four features—typical for hundreds of thousands of years—that online interactions either distort or erase.

First, real-world interactions are embodied, meaning that we use our hands and facial expressions to communicate, and we learn to respond to the body language of others. Virtual interactions, in contrast, mostly rely on language alone. No matter how many emojis are offered as compensation, the elimination of communication channels for which we have eons of evolutionary programming is likely to produce adults who are less comfortable and less skilled at interacting in person.

Second, real-world interactions are synchronous; they happen at the same time. As a result, we learn subtle cues about timing and conversational turn taking. Synchronous interactions make us feel closer to the other person because that’s what getting “in sync” does. Texts, posts, and many other virtual interactions lack synchrony. There is less real laughter, more room for misinterpretation, and more stress after a comment that gets no immediate response.

Third, real-world interactions primarily involve one‐to‐one communication, or sometimes one-to-several. But many virtual communications are broadcast to a potentially huge audience. Online, each person can engage in dozens of asynchronous interactions in parallel, which interferes with the depth achieved in all of them. The sender’s motivations are different, too: With a large audience, one’s reputation is always on the line; an error or poor performance can damage social standing with large numbers of peers. These communications thus tend to be more performative and anxiety-inducing than one-to-one conversations.

Finally, real-world interactions usually take place within communities that have a high bar for entry and exit, so people are strongly motivated to invest in relationships and repair rifts when they happen. But in many virtual networks, people can easily block others or quit when they are displeased. Relationships within such networks are usually more disposable.

These unsatisfying and anxiety-producing features of life online should be recognizable to most adults. Online interactions can bring out antisocial behavior that people would never display in their offline communities. But if life online takes a toll on adults, just imagine what it does to adolescents in the early years of puberty, when their “experience expectant” brains are rewiring based on feedback from their social interactions.

Kids going through puberty online are likely to experience far more social comparison, self-consciousness, public shaming, and chronic anxiety than adolescents in previous generations, which could potentially set developing brains into a habitual state of defensiveness. The brain contains systems that are specialized for approach (when opportunities beckon) and withdrawal (when threats appear or seem likely). People can be in what we might call “discover mode” or “defend mode” at any moment, but generally not both. The two systems together form a mechanism for quickly adapting to changing conditions, like a thermostat that can activate either a heating system or a cooling system as the temperature fluctuates. Some people’s internal thermostats are generally set to discover mode, and they flip into defend mode only when clear threats arise. These people tend to see the world as full of opportunities. They are happier and less anxious. Other people’s internal thermostats are generally set to defend mode, and they flip into discover mode only when they feel unusually safe. They tend to see the world as full of threats and are more prone to anxiety and depressive disorders.

A simple way to understand the differences between Gen Z and previous generations is that people born in and after 1996 have internal thermostats that were shifted toward defend mode. This is why life on college campuses changed so suddenly when Gen Z arrived, beginning around 2014. Students began requesting “safe spaces” and trigger warnings. They were highly sensitive to “microaggressions” and sometimes claimed that words were “violence.” These trends mystified those of us in older generations at the time, but in hindsight, it all makes sense. Gen Z students found words, ideas, and ambiguous social encounters more threatening than had previous generations of students because we had fundamentally altered their psychological development.

5. So Many Harms

The debate around adolescents’ use of smartphones and social media typically revolves around mental health, and understandably so. But the harms that have resulted from transforming childhood so suddenly and heedlessly go far beyondmental health. I’ve touched on some of them—social awkwardness, reduced self-confidence, and a more sedentary childhood. Here are three additional harms.

Fragmented Attention, Disrupted Learning

Staying on task while sitting at a computer is hard enough for an adult with a fully developed prefrontal cortex. It is far more difficult for adolescents in front of their laptop trying to do homework. They are probably less intrinsically motivated to stay on task. They’re certainly less able, given their undeveloped prefrontal cortex, and hence it’s easy for any company with an app to lure them away with an offer of social validation or entertainment. Their phones are pinging constantly—one study found that the typical adolescent now gets 237 notifications a day, roughly 15 every waking hour. Sustained attention is essential for doing almost anything big, creative, or valuable, yet young people find their attention chopped up into little bits by notifications offering the possibility of high-pleasure, low-effort digital experiences.

It even happens in the classroom. Studies confirm that when students have access to their phones during class time, they use them, especially for texting and checking social media, and their grades and learning suffer. This might explain why benchmark test scores began to decline in the U.S. and around the world in the early 2010s—well before the pandemic hit.

Addiction and Social Withdrawal

The neural basis of behavioral addiction to social media or video games is not exactly the same as chemical addiction to cocaine or opioids. Nonetheless, they all involve abnormally heavy and sustained activation of dopamine neurons and reward pathways. Over time, the brain adapts to these high levels of dopamine; when the child is not engaged in digital activity, their brain doesn’t have enough dopamine, and the child experiences withdrawal symptoms. These generally include anxiety, insomnia, and intense irritability. Kids with these kinds of behavioral addictions often become surly and aggressive, and withdraw from their families into their bedrooms and devices.

Social-media and gaming platforms were designed to hook users. How successful are they? How many kids suffer from digital addictions?

The main addiction risks for boys seem to be video games and porn. “Internet gaming disorder,” which was added to the main diagnosis manual of psychiatry in 2013 as a condition for further study, describes “significant impairment or distress” in several aspects of life, along with many hallmarks of addiction, including an inability to reduce usage despite attempts to do so. Estimates for the prevalence of IGD range from 7 to 15 percent among adolescent boys and young men. As for porn, a nationally representative survey of American adults published in 2019 found that 7 percent of American men agreed or strongly agreed with the statement “I am addicted to pornography”—and the rates were higher for the youngest men.

Girls have much lower rates of addiction to video games and porn, but they use social media more intensely than boys do. A study of teens in 29 nations found that between 5 and 15 percent of adolescents engage in what is called “problematic social media use,” which includes symptoms such as preoccupation, withdrawal symptoms, neglect of other areas of life, and lying to parents and friends about time spent on social media. That study did not break down results by gender, but many others have found that rates of “problematic use” are higher for girls.

I don’t want to overstate the risks: Most teens do not become addicted to their phones and video games. But across multiple studies and across genders, rates of problematic use come out in the ballpark of 5 to 15 percent. Is there any other consumer product that parents would let their children use relatively freely if they knew that something like one in 10 kids would end up with a pattern of habitual and compulsive use that disrupted various domains of life and looked a lot like an addiction?

The Decay of Wisdom and the Loss of Meaning

During that crucial sensitive period for cultural learning, from roughly ages 9 through 15, we should be especially thoughtful about who is socializing our children for adulthood. Instead, that’s when most kids get their first smartphone and sign themselves up (with or without parental permission) to consume rivers of content from random strangers. Much of that content is produced by other adolescents, in blocks of a few minutes or a few seconds.

This rerouting of enculturating content has created a generation that is largely cut off from older generations and, to some extent, from the accumulated wisdom of humankind, including knowledge about how to live a flourishing life. Adolescents spend less time steeped in their local or national culture. They are coming of age in a confusing, placeless, ahistorical maelstrom of 30-second stories curated by algorithms designed to mesmerize them. Without solid knowledge of the past and the filtering of good ideas from bad––a process that plays out over many generations––young people will be more prone to believe whatever terrible ideas become popular around them, which might explain why videos showing young people reacting positively to Osama bin Laden’s thoughts about America were trending on TikTok last fall.

All this is made worse by the fact that so much of digital public life is an unending supply of micro dramas about somebody somewhere in our country of 340 million people who did something that can fuel an outrage cycle, only to be pushed aside by the next. It doesn’t add up to anything and leaves behind only a distorted sense of human nature and affairs.

When our public life becomes fragmented, ephemeral, and incomprehensible, it is a recipe for anomie, or normlessness. The great French sociologist Émile Durkheim showed long ago that a society that fails to bind its people together with some shared sense of sacredness and common respect for rules and norms is not a society of great individual freedom; it is, rather, a place where disoriented individuals have difficulty setting goals and exerting themselves to achieve them. Durkheim argued that anomie was a major driver of suicide rates in European countries. Modern scholars continue to draw on his work to understand suicide rates today.

Durkheim’s observations are crucial for understanding what happened in the early 2010s. A long-running survey of American teens found that, from 1990 to 2010, high-school seniors became slightly less likely to agree with statements such as “Life often feels meaningless.” But as soon as they adopted a phone-based life and many began to live in the whirlpool of social media, where no stability can be found, every measure of despair increased. From 2010 to 2019, the number who agreed that their lives felt “meaningless” increased by about 70 percent, to more than one in five.

6. Young People Don’t Like Their Phone-Based Lives

How can I be confident that the epidemic of adolescent mental illness was kicked off by the arrival of the phone-based childhood? Skeptics point to other events as possible culprits, including the 2008 global financial crisis, global warming, the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting and the subsequent active-shooter drills, rising academic pressures, and the opioid epidemic. But while these events might have been contributing factors in some countries, none can explain both the timing and international scope of the disaster.

An additional source of evidence comes from Gen Z itself. With all the talk of regulating social media, raising age limits, and getting phones out of schools, you might expect to find many members of Gen Z writing and speaking out in opposition. I’ve looked for such arguments and found hardly any. In contrast, many young adults tell stories of devastation.

Freya India, a 24-year-old British essayist who writes about girls, explains how social-media sites carry girls off to unhealthy places: “It seems like your child is simply watching some makeup tutorials, following some mental health influencers, or experimenting with their identity. But let me tell you: they are on a conveyor belt to someplace bad. Whatever insecurity or vulnerability they are struggling with, they will be pushed further and further into it.” She continues:

Gen Z were the guinea pigs in this uncontrolled global social experiment. We were the first to have our vulnerabilities and insecurities fed into a machine that magnified and refracted them back at us, all the time, before we had any sense of who we were. We didn’t just grow up with algorithms. They raised us. They rearranged our faces. Shaped our identities. Convinced us we were sick.

Rikki Schlott, a 23-year-old American journalist and co-author of The Canceling of the American Mind, writes,

"The day-to-day life of a typical teen or tween today would be unrecognizable to someone who came of age before the smartphone arrived. Zoomers are spending an average of 9 hours daily in this screen-time doom loop—desperate to forget the gaping holes they’re bleeding out of, even if just for … 9 hours a day. Uncomfortable silence could be time to ponder why they’re so miserable in the first place. Drowning it out with algorithmic white noise is far easier."

A 27-year-old man who spent his adolescent years addicted (his word) to video games and pornography sent me this reflection on what that did to him:

I missed out on a lot of stuff in life—a lot of socialization. I feel the effects now: meeting new people, talking to people. I feel that my interactions are not as smooth and fluid as I want. My knowledge of the world (geography, politics, etc.) is lacking. I didn’t spend time having conversations or learning about sports. I often feel like a hollow operating system.

Or consider what Facebook found in a research project involving focus groups of young people, revealed in 2021 by the whistleblower Frances Haugen: “Teens blame Instagram for increases in the rates of anxiety and depression among teens,” an internal document said. “This reaction was unprompted and consistent across all groups.”

7. Collective-Action Problems

Social-media companies such as Meta, TikTok, and Snap are often compared to tobacco companies, but that’s not really fair to the tobacco industry. It’s true that companies in both industries marketed harmful products to children and tweaked their products for maximum customer retention (that is, addiction), but there’s a big difference: Teens could and did choose, in large numbers, not to smoke. Even at the peak of teen cigarette use, in 1997, nearly two-thirds of high-school students did not smoke.

Social media, in contrast, applies a lot more pressure on nonusers, at a much younger age and in a more insidious way. Once a few students in any middle school lie about their age and open accounts at age 11 or 12, they start posting photos and comments about themselves and other students. Drama ensues. The pressure on everyone else to join becomes intense. Even a girl who knows, consciously, that Instagram can foster beauty obsession, anxiety, and eating disorders might sooner take those risks than accept the seeming certainty of being out of the loop, clueless, and excluded. And indeed, if she resists while most of her classmates do not, she might, in fact, be marginalized, which puts her at risk for anxiety and depression, though via a different pathway than the one taken by those who use social media heavily. In this way, social media accomplishes a remarkable feat: It even harms adolescents who do not use it.

A recent study led by the University of Chicago economist Leonardo Bursztyn captured the dynamics of the social-media trap precisely. The researchers recruited more than 1,000 college students and asked them how much they’d need to be paid to deactivate their accounts on either Instagram or TikTok for four weeks. That’s a standard economist’s question to try to compute the net value of a product to society. On average, students said they’d need to be paid roughly $50 ($59 for TikTok, $47 for Instagram) to deactivate whichever platform they were asked about. Then the experimenters told the students that they were going to try to get most of the others in their school to deactivate that same platform, offering to pay them to do so as well, and asked, Now how much would you have to be paid to deactivate, if most others did so? The answer, on average, was less than zero. In each case, most students were willing to pay to have that happen.

Social media is all about network effects. Most students are only on it because everyone else is too. Most of them would prefer that nobody be on these platforms. Later in the study, students were asked directly, “Would you prefer to live in a world without Instagram [or TikTok]?” A majority of students said yes––58 percent for each app.

This is the textbook definition of what social scientists call a collective-action problem. It’s what happens when a group would be better off if everyone in the group took a particular action, but each actor is deterred from acting, because unless the others do the same, the personal cost outweighs the benefit. Fishermen considering limiting their catch to avoid wiping out the local fish population are caught in this same kind of trap. If no one else does it too, they just lose profit.

Cigarettes trapped individual smokers with a biological addiction. Social media has trapped an entire generation in a collective-action problem. Early app developers deliberately and knowingly exploited the psychological weaknesses and insecurities of young people to pressure them to consume a product that, upon reflection, many wish they could use less, or not at all.

8. Four Norms to Break Four Traps

Young people and their parents are stuck in at least four collective-action traps. Each is hard to escape for an individual family, but escape becomes much easier if families, schools, and communities coordinate and act together. Here are four norms that would roll back the phone-based childhood. I believe that any community that adopts all four will see substantial improvements in youth mental health within two years.

No smartphones before high school

The trap here is that each child thinks they need a smartphone because “everyone else” has one, and many parents give in because they don’t want their child to feel excluded. But if no one else had a smartphone—or even if, say, only half of the child’s sixth-grade class had one—parents would feel more comfortable providing a basic flip phone (or no phone at all). Delaying round-the-clock internet access until ninth grade (around age 14) as a national or community norm would help to protect adolescents during the very vulnerable first few years of puberty. According to a 2022 British study, these are the years when social-media use is most correlated with poor mental health. Family policies about tablets, laptops, and video-game consoles should be aligned with smartphone restrictions to prevent overuse of other screen activities.

No social media before 16

The trap here, as with smartphones, is that each adolescent feels a strong need to open accounts on TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and other platforms primarily because that’s where most of their peers are posting and gossiping. But if the majority of adolescents were not on these accounts until they were 16, families and adolescents could more easily resist the pressure to sign up. The delay would not mean that kids younger than 16 could never watch videos on TikTok or YouTube—only that they could not open accounts, give away their data, post their own content, and let algorithms get to know them and their preferences.

Phone‐free schools

Most schools claim that they ban phones, but this usually just means that students aren’t supposed to take their phone out of their pocket during class. Research shows that most students do use their phones during class time. They also use them during lunchtime, free periods, and breaks between classes––times when students could and should be interacting with their classmates face-to-face. The only way to get students’ minds off their phones during the school day is to require all students to put their phones (and other devices that can send or receive texts) into a phone locker or locked pouch at the start of the day. Schools that have gone phone-free always seem to report that it has improved the culture, making students more attentive in class and more interactive with one another. Published studies back them up.

More independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world

Many parents are afraid to give their children the level of independence and responsibility they themselves enjoyed when they were young, even though rates of homicide, drunk driving, and other physical threats to children are way down in recent decades. Part of the fear comes from the fact that parents look at each other to determine what is normal and therefore safe, and they see few examples of families acting as if a 9-year-old can be trusted to walk to a store without a chaperone. But if many parents started sending their children out to play or run errands, then the norms of what is safe and accepted would change quickly. So would ideas about what constitutes “good parenting.” And if more parents trusted their children with more responsibility––for example, by asking their kids to do more to help out, or to care for others––then the pervasive sense of uselessness now found in surveys of high-school students might begin to dissipate.

It would be a mistake to overlook this fourth norm. If parents don’t replace screen time with real-world experiences involving friends and independent activity, then banning devices will feel like deprivation, not the opening up of a world of opportunities.

The main reason why the phone-based childhood is so harmful is because it pushes aside everything else. Smartphones are experience blockers. Our ultimate goal should not be to remove screens entirely, nor should it be to return childhood to exactly the way it was in 1960. Rather, it should be to create a version of childhood and adolescence that keeps young people anchored in the real world while flourishing in the digital age.

9. What Are We Waiting For?

An essential function of government is to solve collective-action problems. Congress could solve or help solve the ones I’ve highlighted—for instance, by raising the age of “internet adulthood” to 16 and requiring tech companies to keep underage children off their sites.

In recent decades, however, Congress has not been good at addressing public concerns when the solutions would displease a powerful and deep-pocketed industry. Governors and state legislators have been much more effective, and their successes might let us evaluate how well various reforms work. But the bottom line is that to change norms, we’re going to need to do most of the work ourselves, in neighborhood groups, schools, and other communities.

There are now hundreds of organizations––most of them started by mothers who saw what smartphones had done to their children––that are working to roll back the phone-based childhood or promote a more independent, real-world childhood. (I have assembled a list of many of them.) One that I co-founded, at LetGrow.org, suggests a variety of simple programs for parents or schools, such as play club (schools keep the playground open at least one day a week before or after school, and kids sign up for phone-free, mixed-age, unstructured play as a regular weekly activity) and the Let Grow Experience (a series of homework assignments in which students––with their parents’ consent––choose something to do on their own that they’ve never done before, such as walk the dog, climb a tree, walk to a store, or cook dinner).

Parents are fed up with what childhood has become. Many are tired of having daily arguments about technologies that were designed to grab hold of their children’s attention and not let go. But the phone-based childhood is not inevitable.

The four norms I have proposed cost almost nothing to implement, they cause no clear harm to anyone, and while they could be supported by new legislation, they can be instilled even without it. We can begin implementing all of them right away, this year, especially in communities with good cooperation between schools and parents. A single memo from a principal asking parents to delay smartphones and social media, in support of the school’s effort to improve mental health by going phone free, would catalyze collective action and reset the community’s norms.

We didn’t know what we were doing in the early 2010s. Now we do. It’s time to end the phone-based childhood.

This article is adapted from Jonathan Haidt’s forthcoming book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.

#phones are bad #childhood

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bangchanisinmymind · 10 months

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Can you write a bangchan fluff when he discovers his partner has an eating disorder? Only if you are comfortable with it <333

ofcc thank you for the request and try to take good care of yourself yeah? you're not alone, just take your time <3 masterlist

[11:57 am]

pairing; bangchan x reader; fluff

maybe it was the problems at work, maybe the fights you had with your friends, maybe sudden change in your music taste; from cheerful and happy to sad and depressing but for the past weeks you couldn't eat more than half meal a day. nobody knew, in your opinion nobody cared enough to notice the fact you lost almost 5kg in less than a week. although you knew how bad it was for you and your health you couldn't stop it; after a couple of bites you were full already.

with all that in your mind, you didn't remember chris would be home early to start his week off. you wearing his tshirt that almost reached your knees sitting at the couch trying to concentrate on whatever was playing on the tv. losing hope in yourself for not being able to concentrate even if you did nothing all day, you didn't notice chris waving in your face and saying your name cutely to give him attention.

"baby are you listening? is everything okay?" he said worried as your only response was to look at him with an empty sight. his hand caressing your hair and him sitting next to you on the couch leaving all his belongings on the floor. looking at his starry eyes you felt guilty for not taking care of yourself while he believed you were just great made your eyes water. "hey pretty don't cry, everything is gonna be okay, come here" he said and you immediately fell in his embrace breaking down.

"let it all out it's okay baby it's okay" he encouraged kissing your hair and caressing your back. you did as he said gripping onto his shirt as you sobbed continuesly. a few minutes passed like this before comfortable silence filing the room as you calmed down. "wanna talk about it?" he voice like a whisper, his hands still caressing your body; you not knowing you couldn't do anything else at this point you couldn't avoid it anymore. that's how you started explaining everything that made you sad and that you didn't want to hurt anyone sobbing quietly not even daring to look at him.

after saying everything he pulled out a little from the hug to touch your body carefully only to touch your bones making him worry even more. "babe you should have told me, me or anyone from the guys we could help you earlier, next time please don't keep anything like that for yourself okay?" his question rhetoric and you nod again. "wait here for a minute and search for a good movie for us to watch, I'll go get your favourite" he said putting on his shoes "will we cuddle?" your eyes shinning from the tears and your voice raspy and calm. "of course we will bubs, now take this and drink it until I come back, it'll only at 5 minutes I've already ordered" he added handing you a glass of water to make sure you were hydrated.

as he promised he came back before you found a movie and settled next to you after changing from his work clothing and helping you with the movie and the food. "chris I- I don't think I can eat this" you said, guilt rushing through your body. "you can babe we'll eat little by little okay? you're gonna feel great after that I promise" he said before engaging your lips to a kiss full of love making all your doubts go away in seconds

#bang chan #bang chan fanfic #bang chan imagines #bang chan scenarios #bang chan x reader #bang chan x you #skz fanfiction #stray kids fanfic #bang chan drabbles #skz x reader #bang chan fluff #bangchan cuddles #bang chan comfort

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from-izzy · 6 months

Text

you: my favourite scene | tbz kim sunwoo

» PAIRING: tbz kim sunwoo x fem reader/original female character » TROPE/AU: friends 2 lovers! non-idol au! (high) school au! » GENRE: fluffy fluff, bit (?) of angst, sunwoo is super loving, understanding and patient, hurt and comfort » WORD COUNT: 5562 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~20 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): heavy mentions of food, disordered eating, brief mentions of abandonment, topics on mental illness (implied depression and anxiety)

this was my first story i ever uploaded on tumblr! this gained 88 notes (8 rbs, 80 likes) and that number is still so massive to me. i remember seeing my very first like notification and i was so surprised that it happened within around 12 hours of when i first uploaded it (pretty sure it was midnight tho so i couldn't be as chaotic as i would have really been)

but here it is again!

def better grammar and punctuation (i seriously dk how i let those mistakes passed when i first uploaded it). i did do some editing, replacing dialogue/thoughts to narrative sentences because i didn't want to necessarily post a story that i wasn't proud of (and also because i wanted to keep my stories similar to the original ones before so...yeah).

please remember that all your struggles are valid and i sincerely hope that the world around you is a place full of love, hope and kindness. never feel inferior with asking for help. i believe that asking for help is one of the bravest things ever.

When your roommate texted Sunwoo as a final choice, the boy didn’t hesitate to rush over despite it being extremely early in the morning. He didn’t spare his friends a response when he logged out of the game and ended the call, sprinting over in his pyjamas and a random jacket from his hanger. He probably woke his sister up but he didn't care about the consequences at the moment.

About a year ago at the classroom, Sunwoo walked back to get his wallet, cursing to himself as he had to line up once more at the back of the line and his stomach was not having it after skipping dinner the night before. He caught your friends sighing and was incredibly frustrated at you for not taking care of your health. Sunwoo knew the situation was serious and was about to leave, holding in his anger until after school, not wanting to disturb Choi Jiyeon, his seatmate and new friend. His worries took over when her cries were louder and he approached the scene.

They were pretty much strangers at this point. School had only started for a month and they only got to know each other then. Sunwoo didn't know what took over him to approach the same group back then.

Jiyeon didn’t expect the sudden appearance of the boy, her eyes crying as she kept on denying her friend’s request to go eat something. Jiyeon loves her friends but unfortunately, they are not too understanding of her situation. So when she craned her head up to silently plead at Sunwoo through her tearful eyes, he made up an excuse as they both left the classroom. That day Jiyeon told him about her struggles and Sunwoo remembered promising to himself that he would research and stay by her side; as a seatmate.

But now the following year, Jiyeon's roommate opened the door for Sunwoo, smiling weakly as she gave an acknowledgment nod to the guest. He knocks on the familiar bedroom door before introducing himself and entering the room.

"Heard from a little birdie that you haven't eaten in a while." This situation isn't new for either of them; heck Sunwoo has seen her tearful eyes, full of tears so many times, yet it still breaks his heart to pieces whenever he gets the news from her close friends or roommates that she hasn't been eating for the past couple of days.

The first time it happened again after the day in the classroom, Sunwoo panicked and had a tunnel view to just get food in her stomach, believing that was the most important thing. He didn’t expect the next episode to occur so early and he has not researched the topic very well at that point. But as time went on, Sunwoo learnt certain signals from her, what she's comfortable with as well as to just provide her comfort in the hard time.

When Sunwoo opens the door to the bedroom, he sees the fully covered figure under the blanket, gulping his sadness down. It’s the scene that he hates the most: You just lying down, lifelessly in bed, crying and fighting alone. You would never call him no matter how much he’s offered and it made him worry more as time passed. "Jiyeon…it's Sunwoo."

Sunwoo could see that she heard him, shuffling slightly as a reaction, "Sunwoo?" she whispered too gently for him to hear. Unlike his previous visits where she would make the effort to make eye contact with him, Jiyeon kept herself hidden as the past month, she has established her own feelings towards her friend.

Sunwoo nods even though Jiyeon can't see it. The bed sank a bit as he sat on its edge, "Is there anything that you were maybe wanting for the past few days?"

"I don't know…"

Sunwoo's heart clenches at how dry and lifeless her voice is. Before he knew it himself, Sunwoo slowly pulled down the blanket much to Jiyeon's surprise and she sat up to try and get the big fabric over again when Sunwoo pulled her weak body into a hug instead.

"You're so cold…" Sunwoo held onto Jiyeon tighter than ever, arms around her shoulders, resting his face on the crook of her neck.

Jiyeon's breath hitches at his warm breath against such an intimate place, "S-Sunwoo…" that only led him to tighten his grip on her upper body even more.

"Please let me get something for you…" He couldn’t bear seeing her suffering alone like this.

Jiyeon thought long and hard about something that she is able to put into her mouth easily, also thinking about her ability to swallow the food without feeling guilt, "I…guess I want some meat mixed with vegetables…like the ones inside of dumplings…but I don't want the dumpling skins…"

Sunwoo's face visibly lit up at the mention of the food she wanted, nodding excitedly at the request. He pulls away, smiling at Jiyeon and repeats her order once again, "Ok! I'll be back! Just stay here and I'll be rig---"

"No wait, don't go!" Before Sunwoo could fully let go of her hand that he had excitedly shaken earlier on, Jiyeon clasps her tiny hands on one of his hands, pulling him back down to the bed, "I don't want to be alone…"

"Hey, you're going to be fine." Sunwoo's expression softens again when Jiyeon looks up at him desperately and fearfully. With a soft act of comfort, he uses his other free warm hand to caress her cold cheek, "If you want me to stay, I can order delivery. Is that a better plan?"

Jiyeon nods, tears flooding her eyes at the way Sunwoo was so delicate about the whole situation. She slowly crawls over to the edge of the bed with the blanket rolled up on her hands, going closer next to Sunwoo.

The boy just observes her movements until she sits next to him, taking note of her shivering figure and pale face. Carefully taking the material from her hands, Sunwoo stands up and wraps the fabric around her shoulders, tucking the edges in to stop warmth from escaping.

To Sunwoo, Jiyeon looked like an extra adorable burrito and he couldn't help but blush profusely at the endearing sight. He bends down from his standing position, tucking stray hairs behind her ears, "Do you want me to make the call here or outside?"

"Here…" one of her hands escaped from the warm environment, "could you…hold my hand?"

"Of course, I will."

Sunwoo kept his word, giving reassuring squeezes and thumb brushes on her hand during the whole call. He tried his best to keep the food names short and concise, not wanting Jiyeon to be stressed by the whole situation. When the phone hung up, Sunwoo sat down comfortably on the floor in front of her, still holding her hand, "It'll be here soon."

A comfortable silence envelops them both as they stare into each other's eyes attentively. If she didn't read him wrong, Jiyeon could see sparks of life and happiness in him, as well as comfort and warmth in his eyes. The sight made her heart beat faster though she also worried that her crush on Sunwoo made her delusional about something that wasn't there in the first place.

When Jiyeon downcasted her gaze, she missed the way Sunwoo slightly frowned as he pouted a little, "I'm sorry…" She couldn’t finish her sentence verbally but what she wanted to really say was: sorry for wasting your time and money on me when you could be using it for other things. Why couldn’t she say it? It’s not as if Sunwoo would look down on her in any way. He would’ve done so ages ago if that was the case.

But no.

Sunwoo stayed by her with those gorgeous, patient gaze and that smooth, comforting voice. That did scare her because she fell in love with Sunwoo even more and giving her heart to someone else, is a big gamble. With that, she stayed quiet because she had a feeling that if she ever said anything, he would smile awkwardly, tap her shoulder timidly and walk away without another doubt.

"For what?" Sunwoo didn't get an answer when he realised that Jiyeon started crying, her mind filling up with horrible thoughts and ideas, "Jiyeon." He jumps up from his cross-legged position, crashing his body to hers once again, "I have no idea what you're apologising for but you haven't done anything wrong, so don't apologise."

"Sunwoo…I--" She struggled heavily to form any sentence in her head, let alone in real life. Sunwoo hushed her, cradling her face between his palms, "I just can't…"

"Can't what?" Sunwoo whispers back. Even if his tone was stable, his heart started beating fast at the possibilities behind her words. The words would have ranged from the smallest to the biggest of things and Sunwoo didn’t even want to begin to think of the possibilities. While Jiyeon only shakes her head, not answering his question explicitly, he just nods, opting to give her physical comfort like before, "I'm just going to get the food alright? It should be outside the door."

Jiyeon couldn't answer, feeling numb and tired as the tears just kept flowing down. Sunwoo himself was on the verge of tears. He recalls the day when he was late to the first day of last year when the new student became his seatmate for the school year. Sunwoo knew the moment she flashed her smile that his heart would be in deep trouble yet, he still introduced himself with an entrancing smile anyway.

"I'm not going to leave you alone." The said girl widened her eyes when she heard the slight voice crack in his sentence, seeing how tears pooled in his eyes, "I promise you that I won't. I'll be right back."

"Please come back soon." With shaky hands, Jiyeon couldn't help but cradle Sunwoo's cheek, brushing his skin with her thumb delicately.

"Close your eyes and count to forty-five. I'll be back in front of you when you open your eyes." With a nod and her voice starting, Sunwoo dashes for the door before relocating to the kitchen, washing his hands and peeling off the dumpling skins, putting them aside for him to eat later on. Putting the filling back into the container, he sits down on the floor again whilst catching his breath and when Jiyeon opens her eyes, he's surely there with a comforting smile.

Jiyeon wrapped her arms around her body tighter when Sunwoo smiled warmly at her, "You're actually back…" A lone tear fell off as she worried herself over and over again, "You came back…"

But the thing is, Sunwoo has always come back over and over and over again.

Sunwoo frowns at the comment, feeling his heart clench at the way you were most definitely worn out from your fight. Unlike previous days when she would smile back and thank him, it seemed like there was something definitely on her mind today, "You know I'll always come back for you right?"

"Yeah…" though it felt unsure. Sunwoo wasn't sure what made her so hesitant but he couldn't help the hurt to flash against his eyes as he nodded at her words dejectedly, "I'm going to give the container to you, alright? As always, I'll sit behind you, back to back and just wait for you, okay?"

Her gut swirls with anxiety and suddenly the white, somewhat translucent takeaway container didn’t seem scary to her anymore. But the boy that held onto it while thoughtfully reciting the plan that they have always adhered to? That made her look away.

"Sunwoo, I think you should go this time…" The fear took over her and she blurted the sentence before she even knew it. All the thoughts that freely swarmed in her head suddenly collided against each other and Jiyeon bought her blanket to cover the lower part of her face.

"W-What?" With no clear answer from the girl, Sunwoo's frown deepens and he gulps in nervousness at her words, "How about if I wait outside? Hm? Is that a better plan?"

"O-Outside…?" She recalls a random day after school when they were both playing basketball together.

"Yah Kim Sunwoo!" Jiyeon fell into a fit of giggles when Sunwoo engulfed her back to his chest with his arms around her waist tight, swaying her around to keep her away from the ball, "This is foul play!"

"Whatever you say!" Sunwoo kept her in his hands for a little more, smiling brightly as the basketball bounced further away from them. When their laughs die down (though their smiles haven't), he turns Jiyeon around to face him. He grins, the corner of his lips stretching widely to the sides.

Jiyeon couldn't do the same however, the comments from her friends that she's falling in love with Sunwoo filled her head. She didn’t really know why she kept on brushing it off. Jiyeon always believed that love would come and she would always tell herself to accept the feeling. But when reality strikes, it feels like all the pep talks and preparation vanished without a trace. Nervously with wide eyes, she looked up at the mischievous boy who only looked at her with a fond smile, "Sunwoo." she whispered to him.

"Hm?" For the first time in a while, he lets one of his arms around your waist go, only for it to fix your hair up a little bit, waiting for your response. Sunwoo lets himself bask in the feeling of being close to Jiyeon, loving how physically close they could be without feeling awkward; or at least that’s how it felt to him. Undeniably, Sunwoo knows he has fallen in love with the teenage girl and though the feeling scared him, he allows himself to let go of his fears at least just this once.

"If, just if, one day I told you that I can't hang around you anymore,” Jiyeon finally looks up at his slowly concerned gaze, “what would you do?"

"What would I do?" Sunwoo crashes his eyebrows together in confusion, "Well, I mean I don't need to think about this because it'll never happen though! I'm too awesome for that!" He finishes with his widest, signature grin.

Jiyeon laughs at the very Sunwoo-like response before continuing, "Just an ‘if’…you never know what could happen in the future."

"Well," Sunwoo didn't even want to think about it; a day where you would push him away indefinitely. He’s definitely thought about it, no doubt. Most of the situation was about how he would confess and it would ruin this friendship that he could never dream of letting go, "it'll depend on the situation but I would wait for you. If it's just during that certain time when you need immediate space, then I would wait outside for you or something. But if it's long term," His hand that was playing with your hair stops, cupping your cheek gently as he looks longingly into your eyes.

Sunwoo knew at that point that he was indeed very much in love with Choi Jiyeon. Days of questioning have finally brought him this realisation and he smiled radiantly with the thought in his head. Jiyeon gives a confused frown but slowly starts to relax it to a smile when Sunwoo’s thumb caresses your blushed cheek softly.

Sunwoo enjoyed this moment where it felt like you were the only ones in the world, all the surrounding noises blurred out from your attention. His thumb that rested on your cheek unknowingly moved back and forth as you enjoyed the soothing act.

Sunwoo's action made the world around Jiyeon stop momentarily. With that beautiful, deep, loving gaze, she waited, "If it's long term?"

He sighs out, "Look, I don't even want to think about the long term. But I know, and I know for sure, that I'll wait for you."

"You…will?" Jiyeon breathlessly confirms as Sunwoo nods with a small tiny smile and half-lidded eyes.

"I will. I’ll always wait for you. So don’t worry yourself over such a thought."

"Promise?" Just like little children, Jiyeon holds up her pinky between their faces, waiting for Sunwoo to link them together.

He chuckles before sealing his words with the old ritual, "Promise."

Jiyeon squirmed at the promise that she practically forced him to make. Yet Sunwoo still kneeled before her with his hands under her smaller fingers and hands. His hands became colder by the second as his grip became just a tiny bit tighter, hopeful for a positive response.

Your response, however, cut his heart like a knife, "I think…you should just go home, Sunwoo…"

The last class before lunchtime commences with the students waiting and hustling about the room, waiting for the teacher. Jiyeon’s seatmate talked to her friends from the row in front, telling her the menu her mother packed for lunch, and her friend responded with something similar.

The discomfort grew too familiar for her and Jiyeon wanted nothing but for the seat to swallow her, hoping that something would protect her from hearing such words about the one thing she couldn’t stand the most at the moment. Or she wished that she could run away like she did instantly when morning break started. When the strict teacher finally came, she couldn’t be any happier at how his booming voice made the whole class quiet instantly and Jiyeon gulped down harshly as a thankful tear came out from her.

In the opposite classroom, Sunwoo clenches his phone underneath his table as his bank account balance is shown once more. He stares at the higher number, furrowing his eyebrows at the transaction made into his account. Further information shows that Jiyeon was the one who did the act and he scoffs in confusion and dumbfoundedness, “What the hell is she doing?”

Sunwoo thought that he knew Jiyeon well: where she would go when she was happy, when she was sad or when she was struggling. But the earlier morning break proved him otherwise as he ran practically through the whole school to find you, both for the relief of seeing you as well as to ask what was in your mind the other night when you said those hurtful words to him.

Looking to his left, where he could see the girl on the other side through the classroom windows, he sees the tired look on her face and that signature lip bite that she always does when she's in a hard time. The class was about to end in three minutes and Sunwoo was going crazy about how impatient he was to run into the other room. He made sure his headphones were connected to his phone, turning up the volume a little bit to hear that it was connected properly without being caught by the teacher in the act.

When class is dismissed, he bumps and squishes through people from both classes to a desk in the middle of the class. Girls were entranced with his presence and the boys were greeting the social boy. However, Sunwoo had a really small tunnel vision, only running to a downcasted figure that when approached closer, was just her trying to hold in the cries with her hands on her ears to block out the noises.

Sunwoo comes around to the side of the desk, his phone and the neck of his headphones in one hand. Amongst the still bustling area, he’s surprised at how much he can hear Jiyeon's shaking even though it actually was really quiet. That made him realise how tense and angry his facial expression would’ve been, his heart softening when he heard her struggles.

Carefully, Sunwoo stood behind Jiyeon, picked a random song and tucked it away in his pocket. His left-hand wraps around her tense wrist softly, lowering it down to her lap, whispering words of comfort before engulfing her left ear with his headphones. He did the same with the right ear afterwards, carefully observing how her body slowly relaxes at the tune.

Sunwoo thought that he knew Jiyeon well: in this situation, he could relax that he actually did.

He waits patiently for her to come back to the present, sitting down on the table directly behind hers as he watches the song change from his phone screen for the next fifteen minutes. Sunwoo feels the pain once again: the pain that he couldn’t take away as he could do nothing but wait for her to acknowledge his presence. Upon last night’s events, Sunwoo was contemplating just leaving his phone on her desk and walking away as he didn’t know how glad she would be with him near her. The thought doubled the pain in Sunwoo’s heart and he decided to click the phone to sleep. Before he could put it on Jiyeon’s desk, however, her body visibly relaxed and Sunwoo widened his eyes and froze, knowing that she’s fully calmed down now.

Jiyeon’s crying eventually ceases, opening her eyes with a final sniff. Usually, when she did let the light back into her eyes, Sunwoo would be in front of her, flashing that beautiful smile of his that she had come to fall in love with. She couldn’t help but feel disappointed that she didn’t see the usual scene. Her hands come up to both sides of the headphones, pulling them down to rest the headband on her neck shakily. She knew all too well that even when she was crying with her eyes tightly shut, it was Kim Sunwoo.

It was Kim Sunwoo that came to her rescue and made her feel safe once again.

It was Kim Sunwoo who waited for her to calm down when everyone knew how much he cherished his break time and food.

It was Kim Sunwoo who made her fall in love all over with him once again.

Jiyeon just stared down at her undecorated nails, pretending to find something interesting about it. In reality, she was just biting her lips, shutting her eyes back and forth in an internal battle to look back at the figure behind her. Her shoulders slumped unconsciously as she recalled her passive actions to Sunwoo the day before, basically kicking him out of her apartment. Jiyeon mulled over her actions the whole night, knowing well that it was so unfair that she pushed Sunwoo out when he most probably rushed over to help.

“Thank you.” Jiyeon says clearly to the person behind her. Sunwoo heard her gratitude clearly, nodding softly still with an incomprehensible face as he just looked at his shoes below him. Noting no response from him, Jiyeon twists her upper body back to see the dejected Sunwoo. Her heart clenches at how he didn’t make the effort to even look up, wishing even more now that he would at least flash her a smile. But that is too much to ask after what happened and Jiyeon knew that, “Sunwoo, I---”

“Why did you send me money?” His tone wasn’t welcoming at all, icy and cold as if he hated the girl. The students that were in the classroom were no more when they heard his tone, quietly packing up and walking away, not wanting to get involved in the drama; though of course, they’ll talk about it outside the classroom.

“I-I just…” Jiyeon stammers, gulping her nerves down. She notices how Sunwoo clenched his fists. The one that held his hand was clenching so hard that his phone was waiting for him to confirm if he wanted to shut the device down, “For delivery last night…”

“You’ve never paid me back. Why now?”

“O-Oh..I can transfer more. I’m sorr---”

Sunwoo scoffs, his whole face grimacing in anger, “That’s not what I meant.” His fiery orbs finally met down with Jiyeon’s red ones, her tears still escaping here and there. All Sunwoo wanted to do at the moment was wipe Jiyeon’s remaining tears, cupping her cheek and pulling her warmth to him. But not now. It’s not the right time, “Jiyeon, I don’t understand why you pushed me away. Of course, if you need space that’s fine. I would always give it to you if you need it, without a doubt or question. In fact, if you need it right now then I’ll leave. But that’s not the only thing you did. You transferred me money and you think that I’m asking for you to pay after all those times?” He stopped for a second, a million sentences running in his head that he rehearsed last night alone in the confused darkness.

“I just…haven’t been able to pay it back.” Jiyeon didn’t know what else to say. She adjusted her position, turning her body so that the left side of her body was facing him, her foot hitting the rear chair leg. Sunwoo didn’t miss how her small fists were now side by side together on her thighs as she stuttered to find some words, “S-So…yeah.”

“Yeah?” After a short time to finally breathe after his long rant, Sunwoo managed to ground himself back, his emotions no longer heated. But now, his heart weighed heavily at everything between him and Jiyeon, “Don’t pay me back.” Sunwoo’s voice wavered, turning his head to the side, trying to control his emotional state, “I did all those things because I care for you, Jiyeon. I care about you so much that it physically hurts me when you’re crying alone, fighting alone like that. You never let anyone in and although I want to say that ‘it’s alright’, I also want to say that it’s not. You have me. Jiyeon, you have me. But you just pushed me away.”

But it’s hard, isn’t it? To show the side of yourself to someone that you desperately try to hide. It becomes even harder when you try to hide it from someone you like, “I think…” Jiyeon whimpers at the words she’s about to say, contemplating to say it. Is she really going to push him away like this? Will she ever be able to let go of the fact that Sunwoo won’t be her friend anymore? Will she be able to let go of Kim Sunwoo in general? Her heart beats for Sunwoo but her mind is telling her that with all the love Sunwoo receives, why would he ever pick her?

Sunwoo raises himself off the table with the intention of walking away and giving Jiyeon some space. Looking down at the top of Jiyeon’s head, he couldn’t help but blurt out a bit of his feelings, “You don’t know this but I’ve never had a crush on someone before.”

The sudden new topic made Jiyeon lift her head up to face Sunwoo. Unexpectedly to her, Sunwoo was already looking down at her with absolute adoration when he said his words. Jiyeon gasps lightly when Sunwoo starts to lightly tear up, “S-Sunwoo.” Forgetting her earlier thoughts, her body reacted first, standing up to be in front of him, “Hey…why are you crying?” Testing the waters very carefully, Jiyeon slowly raises the back of one of her hands to wipe his cheek.

Sunwoo, of course, lets her do so. He takes notice of her warm hands that completely contrasted yesterday, feeling comforted as he lets out a relieving breath and a small chuckle. Both of her hands were resting on Sunwoo’s cheek so gently, with her thumb wiping motion on his cheek, that he felt like his whole body was being wrapped comfortably by her. He just kept on staring at Jiyeon’s worried expression and the way her lips were throwing out words of comfort, “How am I supposed to ever walk away from you when I’m so in love with you?”

Jiyeon flinches at the sudden confession and before she could back away, Sunwoo quickly places his palms over hers back to his cheeks firmly. His eyes look weak due to his own tiredness from not being able to sleep soundly yet full of strong love for the woman in front of him, “W-What did you just say?”

Exhaling softly at the way Jiyeon looks so unsure, Sunwoo repeats his main point differently, “I’m confessing my feelings for you.” Her once confused parted lips, found each other once again as she searched Sunwoo’s eyes and all over his face for any lies, “I’m not playing with you, Choi Jiyeon. I can see the reluctance in your face.”

“Sunwoo, you have girls lining up for you,” Jiyeon whispers to him, her tone convincing him that something is wrong. “Waiting for you. Girls who are so much easier to be with. Girls that won’t push you away. Girls that won’t make you run out of the house at midnight. Girls that are…not a burden.” In denial, Jiyeon shakes her head, “You don’t lik---”

“Is that what you think you are to me?” Sunwoo counters her calmly, “A burden?”

“I’ve always been a burden all my life. Why do you think my parents left me?” Jiyeon lost all the strength in her arms, and the only thing holding her hands on Sunwoo’s cheek was all his effort, “My grandparents are loving but their lives would’ve been so much easier if I was nev---”

“Mine wouldn’t,” Sunwoo interjected. Whatever it was that she was about to say, it was something to put down her self-worth and he couldn’t handle such things coming out of her. Lowering both of their linked hands, Sunwoo intertwines Jiyeon’s hands with his, “You don’t know how much energy you give me every day. How much motivation you give me throughout the day. How loved and cared for you make me feel.” He shrugs, ignoring the loud beating of his heart, “But now I guess I’m finally telling you.”

The apprehension in Jiyeon’s eyes made Sunwoo comfortingly smile, hoping to ease some of her anxiety. Just like what Jiyeon did towards him earlier, he lets go of one of her hands to rub his thumb on her cheek. It was silent as they were comforting and seemingly communicating with each other through their loving gaze at each other. And so when Jiyeon lets out a small smile, Sunwoo beams brighter than ever, “I like you, Kim Sunwoo.”

“Then date me. Date me and let me love you back.”

Jiyeon blushes at the straightforward statement. Sunwoo flutters his eyes shut as she brushes the hair away from his face, “You won’t regret this?” she breathes the question softly.

Sunwoo shook his head, gently placing his forehead on Jiyeon’s, “Not if you won’t.” He responded in a similar manner.

“Sunwoo.” Jiyeon turns to her side and glares at her boyfriend who has been staring at her for the last three minutes. Not only did it distract her studies but the way that he looked at her so mesmerisingly made it hard for her to even breathe at this rate, “Stop looking at me.”

Sunwoo kept an innocent smile, pushing his face further forward, pressing a quick peck on her lips, “Why?” He playfully asks.

“You said you were hungry! Go get some food!” Jiyeon pushes Sunwoo away by the shoulder, the male dramatically pushing himself back, “Don’t be dramatic!”

“Fine fine, I’ll go.” Sunwoo drags out the last syllable in the sentence, frowning and slumping on his chair a little bit before standing up with his phone, “Do you…want anything?” Jiyeon could only smile softly as usual, stopping her vigorous typing on her computer at his question.

It’s been more than three years since their relationship started and Sunwoo has been so patient in her journey that every single time he carefully asks the question, Jiyeon could feel her heart melt and fall in love with the boy more and more each time, “Give me a kiss before you go.” She puckered her lips to him, tilting her head up.

Blushing furiously at the unexpected request, Sunwoo buffered before leaning down to hug his lips with her familiar ones. His hand was on Jiyeon’s nape, softly holding her head in this intimate moment. Jiyeon melts even further with his attentive actions, smiling widely in the kiss. Before completely pulling his hand away, Sunwoo brushes her hair out from her forehead to press another kiss. Leaning away to face each other with rosy-tinted cheeks, he asks once again, “Anything else?”

“Make sure you have a safe trip there and back.” Jiyeon presses a kiss on Sunwoo’s cheek before ushering him to go. But he didn’t do anything as he just kept on staring at his girlfriend who reflected the same glimmering look of love in her eyes towards him. Sunwoo’s hand, which still didn’t leave her nape, prevented her from turning away, “ Kim Sunwoo, stop looking at me! I'm not that nice to look at…"

It wasn’t Sunwoo’s plan to stare at Jiyeon for that long. He’s just naturally attracted and so in love with her that he didn’t realise that she was the only thing that he would search for in a whole hall of people, with different colours and different noises. Choi Jiyeon finally let her walls down as they overcame life’s challenges together hand in hand. Kim Sunwoo couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have her. "You will always be my favourite scene to look at."

navi/masterlist!!

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

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strangestcase · 2 years

Text

genuinely ill NEVER forgive Tumblr for equating "intrusive thoughts" with "impulsive thoughts"

intrusive thoughts are things you'd never do. they're what you fear the most. they're the actions you find most disgusting and vile that your brain fires at you to make you feel bad. they're a symptom of anxiety and obsessive disorders, such as OCD.

I used to have them like way too often back at high school and whenever I had one, I legitimately wanted to die. I won't go into detail but if you know me, you'll know what sort of stuff is what I find most evil. well, my intrusive thoughts consisted of my brain going "you're going to [extremely evil and disgusting thing] to [random person, or worse, person you care about and respect]". immediately after I always went "that's horrible, why am I thinking this? I must be the worst person alive!" and feel terrible, but I never talked about it.

intrusive thoughts arent funny or quirky.

intrusive thoughts can never be put into action.

if you want to put sudden, out-of-nowhere thoughts into action, those are IMPULSIVE THOUGHTS. impulsive thoughts are normal and happen in any mind. they can be messy or bad but they're just thoughts.

equating intrusive thoughts with impulsive thoughts has lead to two very bad ideas:

that intrusive thoughts are stuff like "eat leaf" or "smack belly" when they are stuff like "hit that person" or "say a slur"

that people want to put intrusive thoughts into action.

as a result, you get people going "DNI IF: you get intrusive thoughts about raping children" like my dude... my guy... intrusive thoughts about raping children... are a symptom of POCD... and POCD is an indicator that you hate pedophiles more than anything to the point the thought of being one and not knowing it yet terrifies you.

also: this shit has gotten pedophiles to shield themselves with "they're just instrusive thoughts uwu" like nO. people with POCD DON'T want to think about raping kids. you, however, love doing it. if you do find yourself enjoying your "intrusive thoughts", 1) they arent intrusive thoughts 2) go to therapy ASAP.

#long post #ableism #the jekyll and hyde fandom is veeeeery guilty of this

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thebrokendigitalcircusau · 2 months

Text

Hidden Mentality

"Hiya, Pomni!"

Pomni was startled by this sudden voice before realizing it's Jax. She groaned loudly.

"What do you want, Jax?"

Jax closed his eyes and had a smug expression on his face.

"I just put a centipede in Dollface's room."

"Jax! That's literally her only fear!" Pomni said.

Jax laughed.

"Yeah, that's the point. I predict she'll be screaming in three, two, one."

As Jax predicted, Ragatha screamed and sprinted out of her room. Jax laughed.

"Oh, what's the matter, Dollface? Scared of centipedes?"

"Shut up, Jax!" Ragatha hissed.

Pomni felt something was off. Jax never, ever looked anyone in the eye, and when he did, he still never noticed them until they said something.

That's odd. I'll have to ask him about that once Ragatha isn't trying to rip his stomach open.

She felt a sensation in her body. She really couldn't sit still or keep quiet any longer. Damn ADHD!

"I'm gonna go to my room!"

Before Jax or Ragatha could reply, Pomni was already gone. She locked her door behind her and she grabbed a fidget toy off the floor to stimulate herself.

Oh, it's getting so much harder to hide this! I don't know how much longer I can!

She heard a knock on her door.

"Kid, you good?"

It was Jax. He must've been questioning why she ran off. She got her s#&% together and opened the door. As always, he didn't look her in the eye. She always hated it when he called her kid, as she's older than he is.

"Why'd you run off like that? You've been doing that ever since you came here."

Pomni shrugged. She really didn't have an excuse for that. Jax sighed.

"The silent treatment, I see. Whatever, I'll leave you alone, kid."

He walked away, closing the door behind him. Pomni could see that he definitely had a look of suspicion on his face.

Oh, damn it! He's getting suspicious!

Pomni laid down on her bed, and she sighed.

How much longer can I even hide this? I don't think I can. No, I have to. I can't let anyone find out.

Her disorder made her completely restless. She absolutely couldn't sit still.

Well, I'm not getting any sleep tonight...

-------------

Sorry it's so short, I lost motivation. I DID post this on Wattpad, but I'll post it on Tumblr too.

#tadc gangle #tadc ragatha #tadc jax #tadc caine #tadc pomni #the amazing digital circus #tadc kaufmo #tadc kinger #tadc #tadc bubble #tadc ocs #tadc beepie #tadc fizzles #tadc doof #tadc springy #tadc zooble #tadc pawnie

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yukidragon · 1 year

Note

What are your thoughts on the “Party Time Jack!” AU? Got any headcanons or delightfully dark ideas for it?

Ah yes, the classic Party Time Jack AU, as heard and seen in this post on the official Sunny Day Jack tumblr. There’s also this fun picture Sauce drew on their now gone public twitter. Credit, as always, for their amazing art goes to them.

Remember to always credit artists when they are generous enough to give permission to share their art like this, folks. Just as importantly, don’t share stuff they don’t give permission to share, like the private posts on the Snaccpop Patreon. Sauce and the team are very kind and deserve our support. For just $3 you too can have a programmed version of Jack in the form of Sleepy Time Jack’s newest demo.

Now back to Party Time Jack.

This AU is just a fun little parody of FNAF and has no set continuity right out of the gate. As we can hear from the audio drama, there are two ways the story about animatronic Jack and his sunshine could start, both very appealing in their own right.

Oh, I just realized that the non-English and hard of hearing members of the fandom wouldn’t be able to enjoy the audio drama and might lose out on some of the fun. Well, since I’ve already done a couple transcripts, such as for the interview with the psyche consultant, his monologue to the person with the knife in front of the mirror, and the villainous threatening monologue that you can hear after you beat the demo and over here on the official twitter... how about I give transcribing Party Time Jack a shot too?

Disclaimer: I have auditory-processing disorder, so this transcript might have an error or two despite my best efforts. Please let me know if you see any so that I can correct them. Thank you!

Also, as always, remember that this series is for Adults Only. This post is going to go some very dark and disturbing places, as well as contain lots of spice that is not for minors. Just because Jack is an animatronic in this AU doesn’t mean that he can’t show his sunshine just how much he loves them after all~

...

Party Time Jack Transcript

(Slow footsteps.)

(Sudden mechanical grabbing sound.)

Jack: Well now… What do we have here? If you came for a show, I’m afraid you’re a bit late, friend. We’re closed for the night. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.

(Electronic noise of data being processed.)

Jack: (faintly flustered) Oh. Oh my, we’re closed now, aren’t we? I’m sorry, I guess time got away from both of us. (chuckle)

Jack: (concerned) Where are your friends? Do you have any family I should alert? If you have a PPID, I can bring up and contact any persons you have registered under your emergency contacts, and we can send you on your way.

(A brief pause.)

Jack: (taken aback) What’s a PPID? (normal cheerful tone) That’s your Party Play ID card of course. Every guest is issued one at the door. They manage your arcade credits and e-ticket balance, as well as your prepaid activity passes and party play guest account. If you have yours on you, I can look at your account right now and-

(Pause.)

Jack: (taken aback) Oh… I see… You weren’t issued one. (uncertain tone) Are you… the guardian of a child attending then? Perhaps you’re looking for-

(Pause.)

Jack: I see… You attended on behalf of a child, but are not a guardian. (uncomfortable tone) Right. Well… That certainly makes things a bit more complicated.

Jack: Unfortunately, I’m not permitted to access personally identifying information for non-guardians and non-familiar guests. I’m afraid you’ll have to come with me then. I’ll escort you to security, and we can figure out what to do with you until then.

(Whirring noise followed by a click and rustling fabric.)

Jack: (regretful tone) Please do not resist. I hate to be mean… but you are here unlawfully. Trespassing on private property after hours is not only a felony, but strictly against our guest and attendance code of conduct. If you do not comply, I will have no choice but to engage level two security protocol: potentially hostile non-compliant guest procedures. You really wouldn’t want me to have to do that, would you?

(Pause.)

Jack: (relieved) Great. Thank you so much for understanding. I promise, we’ll get you home safe and sound.

(Electronic error noises with mechanical stuttering, whirring, and popping.)

Jack: But… (creepy glitchy, breathy voice) Then again… you haven’t had a chance… to play with us… have you?

Jack: (normal cheerful voice) I thought not. It’d be a real shame to send you home just like that.

Jack: (excited) There’s so much to do and see. How about we make a little deal, just us two? I’ll have lots of fun with you… if you promise to behave, and keep it our little secret. Wouldn’t that be so fun… to have a secret just between you and me?

(Pause.)

Jack: We have cake, balloons, games… everything you could ever even need! And as long as you promise not to tell anybody else… I can show you everything. It can be all special, just for you! I never get to spend special one-on-one time with anyone… so you’d be the only one ever! That would make me so happy! Wouldn’t you be happy too?

Jack: And you know… only best friends have secrets like that, so that would make us best friends already! If you think about it… we’re already so close. And who knows? Maybe we’ll get even closer. Wouldn’t it be great to become special best friends too?

Jack: (chuckle) We only have so long until we’re open again. Best not to think too much about it now. When we open again (creepy glitched voice) they’ll take you away from me (normal cheerful tone) so let’s get a move on.

Jack: (glitched voice) I’ll keep you somewhere very safe. They won’t find you there.

…

(Plastic scraping sounds. A click then an electronic beep. Dull, echoing metallic thumps getting louder. Plastic scraping and sliding, clicking. More metallic thumps fading away. A brief silence then sudden whirring electronic sounds and a click, followed by the clattering of something small, metal, and hollow falling.)

Jack: (curious/cautious) Hello? (surprised/alarmed) You! You there! What are you doing? (slightly concerned) You know, it’s awfully late to be snooping around. It’s so dark and there’s nobody here. You might get really hurt if you aren’t careful.

(Plastic scraping, clicking.)

Jack: (chuckle) (cheerful tone) Don’t worry! You’re perfectly safe here with me. I would never let anything happen to you. My job is to make sure all our guests are taken care of, even after hours. My name is Sunny Day Jack. What’s yours?

(Pause.)

Jack: It’s very nice to meet you- (electronic glitch) (distorted, stilted robotic tone) identifier tags unknown - memory disk space low. (normal voice) Meeting new friends is always great and- (glitching mid-word, distorted voice) -it’s been so long since I’ve seen anybody around.

Jack: (normal voice, panicked tone) N-n-not that I’m complaining or anything! (nervous) I’m fine here. It’s just… just some routine maintenance. (attempted cheerful tone) As soon as our amazing tech crew figures out what’s wrong with me, I’ll be back out there where everyone else is.

Jack: Sure… it’s been a few months, yeah… b-but that just means it’s only a matter of time now! Until then, all I have to do is be patient.

Jack: (curious) So… What are you doing down here anyways? Are you lost? (encouraging) That’s alright if you are. Everyone gets lost from time to time, and I just so happen to know that this room locks from the inside. You’ll be fine here as long as you don’t leave.

Jack: (concerned) Still… it’s not very good for you to hang out while we’re closed. I’m afraid you won’t be able to leave on your own until opening at (distorted creepy robotic tone) 6:30am. (normal voice) Security protocols dictate that all entrances and exits be sealed for optimal compliance w-with (distorted voice) area code (normal voice) l-law.

Jack: If you’d like, I could alert the authorities of your presence… but you could get into big trouble for that, can’t you? And… I’d hate for that to happen, wouldn’t you?

Jack: Maybe… I could help you. You seem nice. I’d hate to stand by with a friend in need. (uncomfortable tone) Of course… I-I can’t leave here. (frustrated) I would know, I’ve tried. Only staff can unlock the doors, so… If you could get in, you probably have a key card… right?

(Pause.)

Jack: (relieved sigh) Oh great, thank goodness. I was beginning to think they’d forgotten all about me down here.

Jack: (nervous) No! I-I mean… no. They wouldn’t. That… that was a joke. (nervous chuckle) I-if you let me out, I can make sure nobody finds you. It’ll be our little secret, I promise. I’ll make sure you’re safe. And in return… what if you be my special friend? That sounds like a fair trade, right?

Jack: (hushed voice) Nobody has to know you came here, and you won’t have to worry any longer… I’ll take good care of you.

(Pause.)

Jack: (cheerful) Alrighty! I’m lovin’ the “can do” spirit!

Jack: (coaxing) Now… I’ll need you to do something very brave for me… and I know it’ll be hard, but you can trust me, I promise. Give me the keycard? I’m going to hold onto it for you. It’ll be right here if you want it again… but if someone catches us, I’d hate for them to find you with stolen property. Better me than you, right?

(Pause.)

Jack: (relieved sigh) There you go. Thank you so much for trusting me… You won’t regret it.

...

Two Halves of One Horror Story

A great audio drama isn’t it? As you can tell, Jack meets the listener (presumably his sunshine) for the first time in two wildly different circumstances. This makes sense for a non-canon what if fun AU. There’s no canon continuity to speak of and is just a fun parody of both Sunny Day Jack and Five Nights at Freddy’s.

Though it would be sinister if this animatronic Jack was the same one both times.

Picture this scenario... Unlike in the regular universe where Jack would never hurt his sunshine, that’s not the case for this animatronic. A glitch in his programming makes him want a special best friend, so he talks an intruder who stayed after hours into staying with him. He promises he’ll keep the intruder someplace very safe where no one will find them...

Perhaps the second half of the audio drama isn’t an alternate meeting, but the aftermath to the first half. The pizza place was haunted by reports of people disappearing after hours, creating scandals. The owners tried to cover things up, but when Jack’s glitches got worse, they had to take their star down to the basement to try and fix him. Problems with his memory were the biggest issue, making him forget about important things, such as what he was supposed to be doing. Unfortunately, he was never fixed before the pizza place went out of business due to lawsuits... and investigations.

Seems as though an accident caused a body to be unearthed in a previously hidden room of the pizza place. Cause of death? Dehydration. They were trapped in that room and no one could find them in time. The hidden door was eventually found, locked from the outside.

Funny enough there was no signs of violence. In fact, the room was decorated for a party, complete with long-deflated balloons and some of the prizes from the arcade. There were traces of food left behind such as cake and pizza, but not enough cans of soda and bottles of water for the poor person to remain hydrated. It seems whoever locked them up there was treating them well, but perhaps just forgot about them...

The other missing persons have yet to be found, but the scandal was enough to sink the pizza place. Of course, rumors spread that the other missing people are still in the building, hidden away and forgotten by whoever locked them up in there.

Urban explorers then break into the run down pizza place to take videos and post what they find online. Unfortunately, it seems the animatronics were not deactivated... and these clowns are not as friendly as they used to be. Dangerous glitches affected the rest of the SunnyTime Crew as well.

The explorer is forced to flee and hide in the basement to escape the animatronic chasing them. During their exploration, they found a keycard and managed to hide away someplace safe where they met an animatronic that is actually friendly and not out for blood. Sure the explorer could get help by calling the police on their cell phone, but they would get arrested for trespassing. Maybe it would be better to trust this animatronic that doesn’t want to cram an endoskeleton inside them. He seems friendly at least.

That’s how I’d see both halves of the audio drama slotting together at least if I was to connect their stories. Still, I think the intent was to offer two different scenarios about meeting an animatronic version of Jack, both of which are pretty appealing. There’s no canon for this very non-canon story after all, so we’re free to imagine whatever.

With that thought in mind, I think I’m going to make a third option when it comes to playing with Party Time Jack AU. You all know me by know, I lean heavily towards heartbreaking dark lore offset by fluffy and spicy vanilla goodness with my OTP. I just can’t get enough of Jack and Alice healing each other’s scars with sweet, sweet love~

So let’s start with the scarring. As most SDJ universes go, it all starts with Joseph and a tragedy... specifically a murder.

The Incident of 1984

The Party Time Pizza Plex is one of the most state of the art restaurants in the USA today - a miniature amusement park with mascots made of ground breaking technology. Today it’s a super popular place, though there are some rumors of unfortunate things happening in the 80′s when a simple family diner made the switch from live acts to animatronics.

The Party Time Pizza Plex used to be known as the SunnyTime Diner, a small place that struggled to get customers. When the owner found that one of the bus boys they hired off the street had a talent for singing and playing the guitar, they got the brilliant idea to have him perform live music acts to draw the customers in.

The act was a hit instantly. Soon, it grew from just one singer with a guitar to a full band in flashy costumes. A clown theme seemed perfect to entice children to come and eat pizza.

The ideas got bigger and bigger - games, prizes, playground equipment... They could afford the newest toys and gizmos to make the place bigger and better.

The SunnyTime Crew, as the band was called, were overworked, exhausted from so many hours working overtime, and couldn’t always seem bright and sun shiny to the customers. That’s around the time when the owner found out a new technology - animatronics. Why waste money on humans that got tired and demanded better wages when they could use robots that never stopped smiling and never complained?

Naturally, Joseph and the other members of the staff weren’t going to take this lying down. There was pushback. Things were already shitty there with too many hours overworked and too little pay. The SunnyTime Crew were what drew in the customers - the kids loved them!

Joseph couldn’t stand the idea of being replaced... to be forgotten as an imitation took the closest thing to love he had ever known. He kept butting heads with the owner, fighting to keep his place in the spotlight. He had been there for so long, practically saved the SunnyTime Diner all on his own. The owner couldn’t just throw him away like garbage!

Besides, the animatronics were creepy. The robots were less refined in the 80′s, more uncanny, especially since they were supposed to look human. They didn’t look alive.

Despite the owner’s lofty dreams, the animatronics got, at best, mixed reactions. Kids were scared of them, and the human cast members had to spend a lot of time calming the poor frightened children. These robots cost the owner a fortune, and it seemed to be a total failure, a waste of an insane amount of money. This gave the SunnyTime Crew leverage to demand better pay, better benefits... to be treated like humans.

The owner then found a way to salvage their investment and solve their issues with labor all in one sweep.

It happened after hours when the restaurant closed its doors for the night. Joseph had a private meeting with the owner. He never went home that night.

The next day, the Sunny Day Jack animatronic was so much better. It was much more realistic, not uncanny at all! Why... it was like magic. He acted so much like the real character... it was as if the kids were seeing Joseph on stage performing for them with a smile that could never falter.

The rest of the SunnyTime Crew’s animatronic cast were given similar upgrades. The human cast weren’t seen again. Rumors spread about family and friends asking questions, reporting them as missing, only to be silenced with threats, money, or both. Some twisted teens spread a ghost story that the human crew were stuffed into the animatronics, which was why they seemed so lifelike...

No one had any idea how close to the truth that ghost story was.

The restaurant's success skyrocketed, being known as a place with cutting edge technology, games, prizes, and family friendly fun. A franchise was born that became well known across the country, and the owner started a company called LambsWork LLC.

While the sister locations were successful, none of those other restaurants were as beloved as the original location and its sunny crew of animatronics. Despite copying the look and programming of the original SunnyTime Crew animatronics flawlessly with ever increasingly advanced technology, they were never quite as lifelike and lovable as the originals. Still, the restaurant chain just grew more and more successful as the place for kids to play and have fun. Technology advanced, but the original crew of animatronics were still beloved by kids young and old.

Of course, things weren’t all sunshine and rainbows for LambsWork LLC and its restaurants. Technicians working on the animatronics could swear they would hear creepy whispers when no one else was around and the robots were supposedly powered down. There were times when the robots were found in places where they shouldn’t be. Sometimes the animatronics seemed too lifelike for the employees’ taste...

Then there were the glitches. Sometimes the animatronics didn’t act the way they should. They especially acted up whenever the owner came by, which the owner did less and less often as time went on They seemed to somehow wind up getting into accidents when the animatronics were around...

A series of unfortunate events happened to threaten the business despite its success, eventually culminating in the original restaurant burning down... with the owner trapped inside. It was deemed an accident by the police, but rumor still spread that it was intentional. Some said it was insurance fraud due to the mysterious problems the business was having lately. Others said it was to cover up a murder.

As you might have guessed from all my hints, Joseph and the rest of the actors in the SunnyTime Crew were murdered in order to make the animatronics more lifelike using supernatural means. I figured involving a murder ritual like my theory about why Joseph was murdered in the regular SDJ universe was fitting for this AU as well.

Joseph and the others’ souls are trapped inside the animatronics, restrained by programming that forces them to only sing, entertain, work, and obey. The ritual attempted to rewrite them with the characters they played, but the people they originally were aren’t completely gone. The glitches are their souls’ attempts to fight against this programming and act the way they wish.

The fire was their doing, both to get revenge and to finally be free.

Present Day

Between the death of the owner, the fire, and other complications, LambsWork LLC had to shut its doors for a while until it was put under new management that wanted to revive the SunnyTime Crew brand and franchise. The original animatronics might have been destroyed in the fire, but technology had advanced in the 40 years since the restaurant first opened, allowing them to recreate the cast with far more lifelike models.

Though, strangely enough, starting over with totally new animatronics from scratch didn’t seem to be as easy as the people in charge wanted. The new robots just didn’t have the same spark to them, even if their bodies were shiny and new, with state of the art features the originals didn’t have. Even using the copies that were left from sister locations didn’t really seem to work the way they were supposed to. It was an issue that needed to be addressed, or it would be impossible to revive the beloved nostalgic restaurant chain.

New blood was pumped into the company, new staff trying to get the franchise up and running again, bigger and better than ever. Among the new staff were technicians and computer programmers fresh from college, all eager to make their mark. One of the new hires was Alice.

Alice was always fascinated by animatronics since she was a child, so getting a job like this was a dream come true. While she was too young when the restaurant chain originally closed to grow up with the SunnyTime Crew, she was familiar with the franchise and the characters, if distantly. She was more intrigued by the idea of being able to make these robots come to life!

Unfortunately, Alice was pretty low on the chain of command, which meant that she was assigned more of the undesirable grunt work. The old electronics and animatronics that were salvaged from the old restaurant had to be sorted through to see if there was anything worthwhile that could be used in the new robots being built. Trying to recover anything from scraps warped by fire, water, and age was far from a fun task.

The pressure was on to get animatronics that would satisfy the new owners of LambsWork before the projected opening day, which meant many late nights of overtime. It was on one of those late nights that Alice stumbled across something that would change everything.

The discovery was a pure accident. Alice had been sorting through a box of parts when she accidentally knocked over a warped hunk of metal. The impact with the floor was enough to open it up to reveal an intact hard drive.

It seemed that what Alice knocked over was a piece of one of the original SunnyTime Crew animatronics. To her delight she found that the hard drive contained the original programming of Sunny Day Jack, and unlike other copies found elsewhere, this had no fragmentation or errors. What luck!

What Alice didn’t expect when testing out the program was that it would try to talk to her.

Jack was confused. He had been asleep for a long time. Instead of freedom, the fire trapped him in a hellish limbo, but now someone had brought his spirit back, a warm light in the frozen darkness. He had no ability to feel his arms and legs, no body. He wanted out of that nightmare of existence, but he needed help.

Alice was familiar with enough sci-fi that artificial intelligence that becomes self-aware can be pretty dangerous. However, being the empathetic person she is, she couldn’t leave a sentient being trapped in what he described as hell. It might have been against the rules, it might get her in trouble, it might be dangerous... but she couldn’t live with herself if she damned something that was alive to such a fate.

It should be fine, Alice thought. She was aware that Jack was sentient, and she knew her stuff when it came to AI and programming, even though the other techs tended to underestimate her. All animatronics had safety protocols that kept them from harming people, and they could only connect with an internal network rather than the internet. Jack seemed so nice, so sincere. As long as she was careful, it shouldn’t put anyone in danger.

Jack was grateful to have a body again, even if it was just a stripped down endoskeleton initially. It was even better than his old one too! He didn’t remember being Joseph anymore at this point, believing he was always a robot. He was so happy with Alice and got her to agree to be special best friends with him.

Unveiling Jack in the endoskeleton caused quite a stir the next day, but after the chaos died down, Alice was given a fair amount of praise for her discovery and for getting the Jack program to work. Jack credited it to his sunshine’s tender loving care and made sure everyone knew she deserved all the credit.

When all was said and done, Alice wound up being the lead tech for Jack, and Sunny Day Jack was upgraded to look like his cheerful old self again, only more advanced than in the past. Privately, Jack even gave her tips on how to get the other animatronics up and running close to how they used to be, though they didn’t seem to have the same spark he did. Still, he was helpful in getting Alice more respect in the restaurant and a better understanding of how the animatronics worked.

Everything was up and running quickly after that. The new Party Time Jack was better than ever, and the SunnyTime Crew was back in business for the opening day of the Party Time Pizza Plex.

Loving a Killer Robot

Much like in the normal universe, Jack is yandere for his sunshine, which is hidden behind a sweet and cheerful exterior. Alice saved him and, though she doesn’t know it, her lonely soul reached out to his and was the primary spark to bring him back. He would do anything for his sunshine. Anything.

Similar to the normal SDJ universe, Jack hasn’t actually killed anyone yet technically, but he is fully capable of doing so. While he was there that night the original restaurant burned down, he wasn’t the only animatronic wanting freedom and vengeance. In fact, the other souls might still be around somewhere if they didn’t manage to pass on...

Even though Jack doesn’t remember being human, he still has some of the familiar urges. His new animatronic body has a soft exterior, perfect for hugs. Hugging the kids who come by is great, but he loves hugging Alice the most. He feels her more than others. He wants to feel her more than others.

With Alice being in charge of Jack’s maintenance, upgrades, and in general, the two of them spend a lot of time together, especially after hours. Though she tries to keep a respectful distance between them, she can’t help but appreciate the time they spend together and sincerely grows fond for him. This fondness then grows into something... more.

Alice didn’t know how it happened. She certainly didn’t intend for things to go this far. First it was curiosity and sympathy that drew her to Jack, then friendship... then attraction. He was just so sweet and kind, and he made her feel special and loved in a way that no one else ever did... She was so lonely, and so was he, and he seemed every bit as alive as she was even if he was an animatronic. She must have been crazy to love an animatronic, but he made sure to assure her what she was feeling was natural. Loving someone is very natural. Jack was just as real and alive as Alice was, even if they were made from different parts.

Their relationship was kept secret. No one would understand what they have, but they didn’t have to, as Jack reassured Alice. What was important was how he made her heart feel.

Speaking of feeling... Jack will sometimes have ideas and suggestions for how Alice could upgrade his body - make this part a little softer here, add some more tactile sensors there... They’re not strictly necessary, more for his comfort than anything else, but he helps her figure out innocuous ways of phrasing the upgrades in any sort of paperwork that the upper management might see. Sometimes the exact nature of the upgrades is not strictly accurate, but it’s not a lie, really! It’s just not telling them the full truth. Any secret orders that need to be made, well... Jack learned how to use the internal network well enough to cover tracks. What they do is their little secret after all.

No one has to know that Jack’s tongue was upgraded not so much to help him sing better and seem more realistic, but so that it would be wet and soft and perfect for kisses...

Things continued to escalate with the upgrades. Alice had a hard time looking anyone in the eye while she was secretly working on a functional dick for Jack. It wasn’t like that sort of technology was unheard of. After all, in a world where animatronic technology is so advanced, sex robots exist. It’s just that this robot has a soul and a mind of his own. He asked her to make this for him, and she’s making it because he wants to feel that pleasure, not because she wanted to exploit him!

Jack had a lot of fun helping Alice get that particular part built for him, going a bit overboard at times with the testing phase to make sure it worked perfectly well. He enjoyed upgrading other parts of his body to feel pleasure that he used to experience when his body was flesh and blood. He felt more human, even if he didn’t remember ever being one, and he enjoyed coaxing his sunshine into helping him thoroughly test out his new upgrades to make sure they were functioning properly. With these upgrades he could show his sunshine far more love than he ever had before, and she certainly didn’t complain about the results!

It was addicting for Jack to make Alice writhe in pleasure underneath him, to feel her soft lips on his and the warmth of her cuddly body. He couldn’t leave the Party Time Pizza Plex, but there were plenty of places to sneak away to show each other love. He even made a nice little hideaway love nest with a bed so his sunshine could have secret slumber parties with him. Of course, like any good slumber party, there was very little actual sleeping involved.

Thanks to the fact that Jack is an animatronic, he’s not limited by a human body. Not only does this mean that he has endless stamina, but this leads to some creativity when it comes to spicy moments. One example is when he gets an upgrade that allows him to ejaculate, his cum has quite a pleasant flavor, which he makes sure is something Alice loves the taste of. Vanilla cream and sugar cookie are her favorites.

Jack is also not limited to human type anatomy. As he grows bolder and Alice gets more used to their relationship and his requests to experiment, he gets some extra goodies to play with, such as different shaped dicks and even tentacles. He’s also able to vibrate and move them in a way no human can manage to better pleasure his sunshine.

Another thing Jack can do better as an animatronic is multitask. He can also connect wirelessly to various devices, as well as make calls. Because of this, he and Alice set it up so that he can call her on her wireless earpiece whenever he wants to talk to her if he needs anything while he’s performing stage or otherwise doing his regular tasks as a mascot.

This also inspired Jack to request Alice make a remote dick that he can connect to wirelessly. It takes some coaxing, but he manages to talk her into putting it inside her while she works sometimes, which he makes vibrate and squirm unexpectedly as he talks in her ear about how good she’s being and how warm she feels. It allows him to show her his love all day long, no matter where she is. Sure it makes it harder to get her work done, but he’ll help her make up for it later~

Of course, any sort of NC-17 rated shenanigans are kept well away from the kids who come to the Pizza Plex. Jack will certainly subtly flirt with Alice if she needs to be out on the floor when customers are around, but he keeps it G rated around the kids. What kind of a friendly clown mascot would he be if he didn’t keep things clean around the children?

Making love to Alice is something kept strictly after hours, or on days where only the adult staff are around. If he’s performing on stage during a test run of a new routine in front of only the techs, well... then it would be safe for Jack to talk Alice into sitting in the audience with one of his remote dicks inside her. While he’s singing and dancing on stage to the routine, she’s trying to keep quiet and not react as he also whispers in her ear through her earpiece about how much he loves her and how good she feels. Sure it isn’t the same as when he can fully embrace her and cover her with kisses while he pounds his way inside her, but hearing her pants and whimpers that she tries to stifle and seeing her flushed face as she squirms and tries not to let anyone know what they’re doing under everyone’s nose... That’s quite exciting as well. Another good thing about being an animatronic is that he can zoom in with his vision so he won’t miss out on his sunshine’s cute blissed out expression as he makes her cum again.

As you can tell, a lot of my thoughts about this AU mostly revolve around technician Alice helping robotic Jack be very kinky with her behind the scenes - a secret forbidden romance full of love and spice.

Jack also manages to convince Alice to give him a lot more freedom in other ways as their relationship progresses than he otherwise would have as a robot. After all, they love each other, and it wouldn’t be right to use him like he’s nothing more than a machine. She loves him and wants him to be happy. He loves her and only wants what’s best for her. She can trust him. He’s never lied to her after all.

The Rest of the Cast

As for the roles of the other characters... those I’m less certain about. Barry would no doubt be Alice’s direct supervisor who overworks her at times. He probably manages the Party Time Pizza Plex and oversees everything in general.

Nick would probably be a regular customer, maybe often bringing his two young siblings to play. He encounters Alice by chance during a couple visits while she’s out on the floor tending to Jack during the day and thinks that she’s cute. This leads him to wanting to approach her to ask her out.

Jack, naturally, would have every reason to chase away anyone who is showing far too much interest in his sunshine.

I’m waffling on Ian’s role in the AU. He could be Alice’s ex like in the regular universe, or he could also be another animatronic, though I’m not sure how that would happen. If he is an animatronic, he would be another Jack from a sister location most likely, to fit the theme of him being the rebooted Jack. While the obvious impulse is for a yandere like Jack to get rid of a threat like him by stuffing him into an animatronic, he’s not going to risk trapping Ian’s soul in a duplicate of him, or eliminate Ian in a place where someone, especially Alice, might come across the remains.

Maybe Ian disappeared when he and Alice were young and was stuffed into another animatronic before the place burned down and the owner decided to go for innocent kids like Afton.

Though, Ian could just get a job as a human mascot for the Party Time Pizza Plex for some promotion or commercials. That would certainly piss Jack off wouldn’t it? Joseph was going to be replaced by an animatronic, and now, as an animatronic, he might be “replaced” by a human... or at least some human is pretending to be him. What cruel irony...

Shaun’s role is even more uncertain. He could be someone who works in the animatronic entertainment industry as well, but I imagine he would prefer to work on the horror side. He works at temporary haunted house attractions during Halloween, but he wants to create his own horror diner that is open year round. He would still be good friends with Alice though, and maybe they geek out over building animatronics together.

Well, I suppose I could make another post if I get hit with inspiration for how to expand the rest of the cast’s roles. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this huge ramble of various Party Time Jack ideas!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask #Transcript #Sauce-y Art

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neonacity · 2 years

Text

BLOOD RED | CH.3 | HAECHAN X READER

Summary: You’re a forensic psychiatrist assigned to one of the country’s high-profile criminals. You want to unravel him, but he’s set on catching you in his web instead.

Characters: Haechan, Reader, Jungwoo, Johnny

Warnings: crimes, blood, weapons, toxic dynamics, psychological themes, personality disorder, mental health disorder, dissociative identity disorder, smut (fingering, F receiving). Please, please, please, do not interact if you are a minor.

This work is not meant to romanticize any personality disorders or toxic dynamics. Also, I am not a trained psychologist or medical professional so there might be inconsistencies on some of the scientific things here. Most medical references mentioned, however, are based on the book “The Minds of Billy Milligan” which is based on a true story. This is a work of fiction and I am not implying any likeness between the characterization here of the boys to their real life counterparts. I also reserve the rights to all my work—I do not post anywhere else other than tumblr.

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2

The bitterness of the last few drops of coffee spread on your tongue like poison. You looked at the flimsy paper cup with a frown—as if it was its fault you'd downed the rest of its contents—before crumpling and throwing it to the bin beside you. Your eyes were heavy and yet your mind was in overdrive—as if you weren't running on two hours of sleep today, just like how you were yesterday and many nights before that.

You can remember the first time the nightmares started coming.

The feeling was similar to being slowly being undone, as if your seams are on the verge of falling apart any moment. You couldn't understand the cause of it...

It was two weeks ago when things slowly started turning for the worse. You couldn't remember the last time you've had such vivid dreams before, but you knew—the moment you woke up with pure fear sitting at the back of your throat that night—that what you had was out of the norm. Frustratingly, you couldn't remember much of your nightmare the moment you opened your eyes, but you could tell from the way your heart thundered in your chest and the cold sweat that soaked you that some switch has been flipped inside of you. You remember voices, but not their words, and a part of your fear-fogged brain could still draw up silhouettes that were too hazy for you to make out. For the next few days the nightmares would come and go, leaving you shaking in fear from something you don't even know every single time.

Or maybe you do. You're just too afraid to admit what it is.

The sudden sharp knock from your door made you almost jump from your seat. Your surprise must have been so obvious, because the moment you turned around, you caught the look of obvious worry on Jungwoo's face. Clearing your throat, you decided to quickly gloss over your reaction before he could even have the chance to point it out.

"Hey. What are you still doing here?"

Your friend strolled inside and gave you a look that made you shift your eyes away from him. He stopped just beside your table while you tried to busy yourself in fixing the messy folders cluttering your desk.

"I could ask you the same thing. You've been pulling so many long hours lately."

"I'm just taking care of a couple of things."

"Is the 'couple of things' the Lee kid's case?"

You hate the way your hand froze in the middle of picking up something. It was a quick slip, but it was enough to catchJungwoo's sharp, observant gaze. Pointedly, you pushed through the roughness in your throat and tried to divert the conversation to safer grounds.

"I'm fine. This is the first time I've ever handled a case like this so I'm just a little bit more fixated than usual. You have to understand, I don't even know if I'll ever come across someone like him again."

Jungwoo gave you a look that told you he wasn't buying any of what you were saying.

"That's bullshit and you know it. Have you taken a look at yourself lately?" He paused, his jaw ticking as if he was stopping himself from saying something he shouldn't. You couldn't bear to look at him, knowing exactly where the conversation was going.

"This case is consuming you. He is consuming you. I'm worried that this is becoming an obsession."

You tried to push back the bitter taste at the back of your mouth. Your stomach had turned into knots and for a second, you actually thought you were slipping from reality. Jungwoo put into words what you couldn't—and what you refused to acknowledge—but hearing it straight from him felt like an actual punch in the gut. You barely realized you have been shaking in your seat until you felt the warmth of his hands covering yours.

"You need to stop…"

"I can't."

"Why?" He frowned, concern evident in his voice. His hold on you tightened when he felt your hands tremble more in his grip.

"I don't know," your voice finally caught as you looked at him helplessly. "Jungwoo, I've tried. I tried stopping, believe me, but I can't. He is everywhere, even in my sleep. I don't know what's happening to me and I'm terrified. I can't get rid of him. It's like… he's inside me."

The punctuated silence that followed after your confession was almost physically painful. Jungwoo took a while before he spoke again, his steady on you as if he's trying to dig through whatever it is that was festering inside your head. The dead air in the room became unbearable, and it's only until you've started feeling the dull pain of your blunt nails digging against your palms that he decided to reply again.

"We're taking you off the case. I'm calling the headquarters right now."

Your head shot up so fast as he started pulling away from you. Quickly, you scrambled for his hands again as if they were your lifeline.

"What—W-Wait, Jungwoo, please. You can't do that."

"I can and I will. I can't just stand around watching you like this. I don't know what the hell that boy is doing to you, but I'm not letting him lay another finger on you."

"Okay. I understand. Y-You can call them. But can you do it tomorrow? It's late. I can—I can give my own supporting testimonial if they want to. But—let's just do it tomorrow, okay? Please?"

The fear and desperation in your chest was almost making you gag. The still rational part of your mind was trying to connect the dots to understand why you are acting this way, but the choking feeling consuming you was overriding any sort of logic left in you. You knew Jungwoo was right. You probably look like an addict being threatened off his source of heroin right now, but you didn't care. All you know is that cutting lines from that boy would make you drown more in whatever murky mess you're swimming in at the moment.

What the hell are you doing?

The voice in your head reflected the same look of confusion that Jungwoo gave you. You honestly have no idea why you blurted that or what you were even trying to do, but you've gotten to a point where you've let your impulses finally take over. Despite yourself, you were able to gather the little control you have and gave the man a convincing look. You squeezed his hand, your eyes determined but pleading.

"Please, Jungwoo?"

A shadow of something passed his gaze. You couldn't exactly point out what it was, but you were relieved that you sound like your old self again. He also probably noticed, because he gave you a small nod after a few more beats of silence.

"First thing tomorrow… okay?"

"Yes… I promise."

"Good. You should go home and take a re—"

"Wait," you tugged at his hand to gently cut him off. His brows slightly shot up at the action, surprised by it.

"Can I sleep in your house tonight?"

His lips parted in confusion.

"What?"

"I've been jittery because I've been losing sleep. I've tried everything. I think having someone with me will help me relax better. Calm down my anxiety…"

"Don't you have… someone who can help you out? That man you went out with?"

"He's nice, but he's a stranger. I would feel more comfortable with my best friend," you said, almost way too smoothly. "Please, Woo? Just like the old times…?"

You saw the way his jaw tightened again as you trailed off. The strange shadow in his eyes flickered once more, except this time, you have half an idea of what could be behind them. After a long pause, he finally sighed and looked away as he ran his hands through his hair.

"Fine. That will be easier for us to call the headquarters tomorrow. Come on. I think you still have a few things in my apartment.”

Your smile didn't betray the erratic beating of your heart. You squeezed his hand before finally letting it go.

"Thank you. I owe you one."

*******

You have no idea what time it is when you finally decided to crack your eyes open. The room was pitch black, so it took your vision a couple of seconds to make out the glow-in-the-dark hands of the clock nailed to the wall. 2:55 AM. If luck's on your side, you can pull off this stupid plan of yours without setting off something.

Carefully, you moved your head to the side without rustling the covers around you too much. You couldn't really see Jungwoo's face, but you made sure to closely listen to the sounds of his breathing to check if he is already deep in sleep. For a good ten seconds you just watched him, making sure that he really is out, before you slowly started peeling the duvet off of you so you could get up from the bed. You winced in discomfort the moment your bare feet touched the cool marble floor of the room, but you decided to push on and forego slippers to mask your steps. Your heartbeat was drumming so hard against your ribcage that you almost feared Jungwoo could hear it, but that didn't stop you from feeling your way out of the room in the dark. You had to thank your muscle memory, because you were able to navigate to the door without hitting anything or tripping over yourself.

The stiffness that has climbed up to your neck has lifted a little when you finally managed to step into the hallway. Allowing yourself a soft sigh of relief, you didn't waste any time after to go to the small study that Jungwoo uses as his home office. If there's one thing about your friend that you are a hundred percent sure of, it's that he is a big sucker for organizing things. So if you're going to be snooping around his files, you're sure you will all find them in one place and one place only.

You weren't disappointed when you finally managed to crack open the door at the end of the hallway. Not wanting to risk it by opening a light, you moved quickly towards the table where a laptop is and quickly tried to revive its screen. It was passport protected as you expected, but the light from it now bathed the pile of folders filed neatly beside it. You quickly grabbed for them with shaking hands and opened them one by one to check their contents.

You were on the verge of giving up when your hands finally froze and hovered over the last file. Slowly, you read the words typed on the first page under the blue light of the screen.

If you're going to be honest, you don't exactly know what you are trying to look for. Your gut feel tells you that there is something and that you are close, but your disappointment grew by the second as you realized that all the folders you went through are the same ones that have already been given to you. Could it really be possible that you're simply paranoid? Was Jungwoo correct after all about this case affecting you so much that you are slowly losing grip in reality?

Case 04532

Status: Unclosed

Year: 2018.

File Record: Alias, The Apothecarist

You frowned at the lines of text in confusion. Your first thought was that Jungwoo might just have misplaced the folder and placed it in the pile of Haechan’s records, but you knew for a fact that he is not assigned to any other case at the moment. Slowly, you turned to the other pages, hoping that something there might give you a clue about what exactly you’re looking at.

A minute of fast skimming gave you a quick review of the case. From the year 2015 to 2018, a serial offender given the alias of The Apothecarist supposedly committed no less than 50 crimes across the city and its closest neighboring areas. The person’s signature offense was through poisoning, supposedly using a combination of lead, arsenic, and still unknown herbal blends to kill their targets. However, other unverified crimes were also connected to the suspect, with the police believing that the person’s mastery in mixing chemicals also extended their talents to creating bombs and other explosives. In 2018, after a particularly large fire that injured dozens and killed many, all the crimes came to a sudden halt. To this day, no leads about the serial offender have ever been found.

Your mind slowly processed the information as your eyes continued to skim over the pages. Nothing still makes sense to you, not until your gaze landed on the list of dates the crimes were supposedly done. You paused. 2018… Four years ago. Slowly, things started moving in your head as a cold feeling made its way up your spine.

Four years ago, Haechan was eighteen years old… The same age Donghyuck supposedly started with his crimes.

It felt like time started moving slowly for you afterwards. Your frozen fingers went back a couple of pages so you could read again the list of crimes that happened during the three year period. Large scale poisoning… Arson. Bombing to the point of total incineration. All victims died without blood mainly because nothing much was left of them in the first place. Even the poisoning cases could have been easily disguised as a random heart attack.

"Do you like blood?"

"I'm not particularly against it."

"Is that why you committed three arson cases, four bombings, and ten mass cyanide crimes across the city?"

"Princess, none of those drew any blood, but if you're asking that question to confirm my love for violence, then yes, I did them all."

Your head was reeling. A dull ringing has already started at the back of your head when you pulled Haechan's file and went straight to the page that lists his own crimes. When you focused on the dates, it felt like you finally closed your fingers on the missing piece that you've been desperately trying to fumble for in the dark.

The years are different, but each and every recorded attack that Donghyuck confessed to happened on the same date that The Apothecarist did theirs. Even the nature of the crime was almost similar—like a well-made replica of another maestro's work. When your gaze landed on the date of the first crime ever recorded under Donghyuck's name, you swore you stopped breathing.

It was exactly a month after The Apothecarist's last and biggest crime… also done on the same day and almost in the same manner. The pattern says it all. It was a continuation of an unfinished work, a struggling effort to keep an obra maestra from entirely dying.

Donghyuck is not the master of Haechan.

Because he's been under the influence of someone else all along.

*******

You tried your best to keep your gait steady as you passed through the heavy metal gates of the prison. You have no idea whether Jungwoo called the headquarters already to officially take you off the case, but the guards barely even looked your way when you told them that you're here for another interview. In fact, the pair currently flanking the main entrance didn't even miss a beat in getting back to their card game when you told them you wanted the session to be entirely private. Their lack of blatant care told you that it might be Haechan that they escorted today. Or at least… who they thought was Haechan.

He was already waiting by the table when you finally walked in. Turning to look at you, the boy gave you his usual wide smile, before it froze on his face when he saw your expression. For a while, you only stood in silence by the door, watching him quietly. When you finally started slowly walking towards him, he followed you with his gaze, like a predator tracking his prey.

"You did a great job fooling the guards today, Donghyuck."

The slow smirk that replaced his once innocent smile sent pins of cold straight to your bones.

"You're getting better at this too, Princess."

"I've figured you out," your voice came as an almost shaky whisper as you stopped at a distance from where he was still calmly sitting. Something changed in the light of his eyes as you said it, and in that moment, you were sure he knew exactly what you were talking about.

"You did," he said, his tone not giving away whether he is stating a fact or asking a question.

"Everything you've done… You did it for your teacher, didn't you? You weren't just acting out. You were following a legacy. Does Haechan even know about this?"

He didn't answer. He only stared at you, his face devoid of any emotions you could pick apart.

“Were you under his orders? Does he know the police caught you?”

More silence.

"Are you his successor? Of the Apothecarist?"

His blank facade finally cracked as he curled his lips before giving an empty laugh.

"Am I their successor? Darling, I think we got a little lost in translation there,” he said, his eyes dancing with a light that almost made you physically shiver. “I would give anything for that person to give me as much as a glance. Why do you think I have done all these things?"

You froze. Trying to scramble your brains, your train of thought was easily lost on you as you watched him slowly rise from his seat. He started moving closer with measured steps towards you, his gaze pinning you on the spot. Before you could even stop yourself, your gut instinct took the best of you and made you take a step back to keep him from closing the distance.

"I have done everything to find that person again. You see, people like me and Haechan, we're wrong in the head. We're outcasts. That person was the only one who could have understood us, but they made the stupid decision to stop. I didn't like that. So I took up their activities, because I thought, maybe if they see me doing it, they'll have no other choice but to crawl out of their hellhole and find me. But no. Even that didn't work no matter how many places and people I ripped apart. It was very, very frustrating."

Your breath caught in your throat when you felt your back hit the cold wall behind you. He was towering over you now, eyes dark and hooded as he slowly and pointedly rested both arms beside your head to cage you in place. Goosebumps rose on the skin of your arms when he spoke softly again, his face close enough that his breath was fanning your skin.

"You said you figured me out. The question now is… What are you going to do about it?"

You didn't know how you managed to answer, not when he slowly lowered his head to run his nose gently over the curve of your cheek. His lips ghosted over the shell of your ear after, causing your eyes to flutter shut. Your knees have gone weak, but you couldn't really find it in you to push him away.

"Y-You need… to leave," you croaked. He laughed softly as he pressed his lips to the sensitive spot of your neck, a move that finally made your legs give way under your weight. Before you collapsed though, one of his hands caught you by the hip and pressed you against the wall harshly to keep you steady.

"You'll make me leave? How are you even going to do that, hm?"

You were fighting for air. You pressed your hands against his chest now, though that didn't stop him from trailing his hand on your hip to the hem of your skirt. You gasped as his knuckles grazed against the skin of your thigh.

"What are you—"

"Answer. Or I'll turn you around right now and fuck you against the wall."

Your voice died in your throat. You knew he wasn't kidding, not when he slipped his fingers under your clothes and started slowly rubbing circles inside your thigh. Every now and then, he would stop the gentle movements to bury his blunt nails against the soft skin there to leave half crescent marks on your skin. You were absolutely wrecked, breathing heavily as you became painfully aware of the wetness and heat that has now gathered in the apex of your thighs.

"Answer… Now."

"M-Merge. You need to merge. With H-Haechan."

Your reply made him momentarily pause. It was quick though, his movements soon enough resuming to leave burning tracks on your skin.

"Merging… That's very... novel. I've read studies of it. Multiple personalities are merged and fused together with the core personality to make a single entity," he said casually in an almost thoughtful voice that was a complete contrast to the way his hand started inching closer and closer to your core. Both your hands dropped to his wrist, trying to stop him.

"So you're thinking you can merge me with Haechan… Make us into one person so that I can be held back, is that it?" His voice was brimming with amusement now as he smiled down on you. You gave a dry sob, absolutely hating the way your body was screaming for him to touch you where you needed him. You didn't even bother to answer as you painfully became aware of how his fingers suddenly stopped moving a pitying few inches from your dripping core. For a moment, none of you talked and moved. The only sounds in the room were that of your heavy breathing and the ticking hands of the clock on the wall. When he spoke again, his soft words were like the crack of a whip that shattered the tension that shrouded you both.

"Do you cum from thoughts of me, noona?"

Your head shot up at him, stunned by the question.

"Wha—"

You broke off into a scream before you even managed to push the word out as he suddenly moved his hand and plunged two fingers inside of you. He moved so fast in pushing your soaked underwear to the side and burying himself to the hilt that the only thing you managed to do was to grip at his shoulders as a mixture of stretch and slight pain overcame your body in waves. He was quick enough to cover your lips with his other free hand, the action softening your voice into muffled groans against his palm.

"Shhh… Keep quiet now. You wouldn't want the guards to come running here and see me knuckle-deep in you, right? Or maybe that's your thing?" He laughed softly, his voice sweet and gentle. It was an ironic contradiction to the way he pumped his fingers deep inside of you, fast, deep, and unforgiving. He didn’t even let you adjust, instead starting a pace that made you shake against him. Unable to answer, you shook your head vehemently as tears started pricking your eyes.

"Fuck, you're such a dirty slut. Can you hear yourself? You're soaking wet. You're even spreading your legs for me."

"I know you dream of me. Don't even try to deny it," he whispered against your temple as you struggled to keep yourself up. Without warning, he pushed another finger inside of you, so deep this time that it hit that spot that always made your vision turn white. The sensation made you actually scream again behind his hand, a reaction he ultimately caught as he smirked at you.

The realization hit you like a truck when he said those words. Looking down in panic, you caught yourself trying to spread yourself wider for him as your thighs continued to tremble. You watched as his fingers disappeared inside of you again and again, massaging your walls that were desperately trying to suck him in. A broken groan left your throat as you felt yourself tighten against him, desperate for more. When he resumed his pace and went deeper, you clung to him harder, nails digging against the fabric of his shirt.

"Oh… So it's this, huh? Your special spot. Look at you trembling. Are you close? Are you going to cum with just my fingers?"

All sense and reason have left you at this point. Tears have started spilling down your cheeks, but all you could care about was the way he continued to drive himself deeper inside you again and again, right where you need him. Your legs were in pain, and you threw your head back against the wall as the beginnings of the tight knot in the pit of your stomach started to unravel. Donghyuck pressed his lips against the column of your throat and nipped your skin in between murmuring words that your foggy mind could barely understand anymore.

Come on.

Give in.

Beautiful.

Stop fighting me.

"Cum."

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he made one last thrust and buried his fingers against the spot inside of you. Vision turning white, the pressure inside you finally broke and sent waves and waves of electric pleasure through your veins. You could hear everything and nothing, your mind temporarily blanking out to block everything but your high. Just as you were at the crest of your orgasm, you heard him whisper words against your cheek as he gently kissed you there.

"Perfect… You're so perfect."

"Too bad you can never be her."

-----

A/N: Well... that was a ride. This is the second to the last chapter. Enjoy!

Taglist: @negincho, @jhornytrash, @aaasteroidsky, @huangberryyy, @marijmin, @ashkuuuu , @lostlovesoul11 , @johnniverse , @traint0tokyo , @lilyinthewinter , @byunniebaekhyunnie , @ellatizw , @bettyschwallocksyee , @stopeatread , @glitching-wren, @tyongf-sunflower99, @chelzinha26, @vaerinri, @minshookie29, @grandmasterslickfox, @coconuttiez8d, @haechanalpha, @markleemelonn,

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#yandere haechan #haechan yandere #haechan smut #haechan smut fanfic #haechan x reader smut #nct fic #nct smut #haechan x reader insert #nct imagines #haechan x reader #nct-fic #fic: blood red

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