#Raising a Sacrifice
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March-April manhwa reccs
In the vein of my last few reccs, here is the latest instalment in Shams-reads-too-much (I know it's only mid-April). This time, I'm back to the top 3 format but with a list of Honorable Mentions because oh boy, the readin' don't stop!
3. The Guild Member Next Door [30 chapters so far]
How is no one talking about this one? The first BL series to make it on my top lists, this is an online gamer meet-ugly cafe story that had me cackling through every chapter. It will brighten your day (threat). The story of an office worker slash secret gamer who starts playing the MMO Illusion and tries to join Poseidon guild only to immediately get PK'ed and accused of being a stalker's alt account, and in his revenge he befriends the entire guild as an FU to his attacker, only for his attacker to in-game propose to him to troll him in return. An adorable and hilarious story following the two as they purposefully step on each other's toes all the way until they're friends in-game, never realizing that they actually know each other IRL!
2. Martial God Regressed to Level 2 [one season]
Let's just say in chapter 1 all of humanity dies, so we already know how this story's going to go. Another OP protagonist whom I really enjoy, starting from scratch in hopes of saving the world. It's Seong Jihan's relationship with his family that makes this series hit different, as he not only uses his knowledge to try and prevent humanity's tragedies, but also does his best this time around to save his niece from her downward mental spiral and become a good role model for her after her father walks away. With little to lose now that he knows what's to come, the MC is more than willing to make enemies out of everyone to ensure they step up their game before the real fight for humanity begins.
1. SSS-Class Suicide Hunter [3 seasons]
This was already on Honorable Mentions back in December, and I know my recc list is meant for new reads, but I had to slap this down again after the PHENOMENAL season 3 ending. We've already seen Kim Gongja's crazy fights to ascend the tower, but the sheer hope. The belief in a better world that these characters have, and their determination to make it so, brought me to tears at the end of season 3. The story of a hunter with negative survival instincts, and a power that allows him to regress to a day before he dies every time he dies... it's not the type of story that I expected to see such delicate beauty within suffering, but here we are, with an MC ready to delve into storybooks to empathize with and relieve the suffering of the characters within, no matter what it takes. I'm so excited for season 4 and the next storybook, I am vibrating.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Raising a Sacrifice
This series is impossible to describe and impossible to put down for long. This is the ultimate fantasy time-loop transmigration system apocalypse god-maker BL I have ever read? It's what happens when the apocalypse keeps resetting and you can never escape that last year no matter how many times you die, and the toll on one's mental state when you start trying-- everything. Murder. Genocide. Madness. And falling in love, again and again and again. And being alone again, after every reset. Thousands and millions of times until you lose all hope, until one day... the MC wakes up with memories of being murdered by his faithful knight, and now there's finally two people with memories beyond one timeline.
Medical Return [complete!!]
The story of a surgeon who led a pitiful life, only to return to his childhood once more by the grace of the gods-- and this time he's determined to not lead the same life again! Now if only the world got that hint, as he seems to be continuously steered back onto his original path, while trying to dodge the tragedies in his life and save just one more person others gave up for dead. This time around, he has a little outside help to finally uncover just why his life went so wrong at every turn the first time and help him retain that inherent goodness without being taken advantage of once more. With an MC with a deposition truly befitting a good doctor, this is for all fans of hospital dramas, and is complete!!
Kill the Villainess [complete!!]
The only way to return home is to play the role of the villainess, Eris, who is condemned to death after attempting to kill the heroine. There is no way to escape that fate, as Eris can't even succeed at taking her own life before she completes her part in the plot. The story of a villainess trying to die to change the story, yet unable to as she continues to uncover backstory beyond the original novel to find the reason why her soul was stuck in this world and unable to leave, while attempting to bypass paths that would trap her in the novel forever. At what point will her actions make her a true villain, and just what is she willing to do in order to return home to the real world?
Little Mushroom
...my cheat this month, with me using the novel cover and everything. (Please read the books, there are only 2 novels and the prose is breathtaking.) The manhua is absolutely gorgeous beyond compare, and the story covers a sentient mushroom post-apocalypse who is journeying into a dangerous human settlement trying to find the spore that was taken from him. In a world where threats to humans loom at every corner and shadow, drastic measures are taken to protect those who survive, employing "Judges" with absolute power to kill if they suspect a being of not being human. It's the story of a non-human and a Judge finding themselves and each other by navigating the active end of the world.
My Darling Signed In [complete!!]
Cute?? Adorable???? Another online gamer couple who meet in real life, this BL story is genuinely all fluff as the MC is found to play a beautiful female elf online, yet their beau falls in love either way as it was the same charisma and personality that drew them in. A green flag couple with turns that surprised me every time with how wholesome things are. It's 2 seasons and complete, featuring them from collage to work space through their ups and downs, navigating their relationship and growing as people all the while continuing their game. Do you need a cute read with a guaranteed happy ending? Here it is!!
Zero Day Attack [1 season done]
Another BL on the list?? This month is full of surprises, as this time it's about a hacker who had to go into hiding after being exposed and is now a barista by day while working to find the man who betrayed him by night, all the while running away from both the organizations he hacked and his old colleagues who are looking for him. Things get complicated when a man who shows up at the cafe he works at won't leave him alone, and blurs the line between his search for revenge and the fake life he's currently living. This one eked its way above Netkama Punch for the mystery and intrigue (as well as having a main couple who is obsessed with each other without wanting to bring harm to the other).
I Will Change the Genre
A transmigrater meets a regressor, and suddenly the novel plot is going very, very awry! In the novel, Judith Maybaum is the hateful aunt of the main character who betrays her nephew and dies for it, yet "Judith Maybaum" isn't actually the same character now, and her nephew is also acting very odd when the story starts rolling. She's determined that her nephew will not go through his lonely and sorrowful life this time around, even if it means giving his custody to the Duke Winterwald, yet for some reason the protagonist clings to her and calls her 'mother' when the Duke comes to take him away! A touching and funny story with, once again, a green flag couple as well as an adorable aunt and nephew pair, both with foreknowledge of the future in different ways as they mess things up and unravel a story that neither of them knew.
GOOD ENOUGH I READ EVERYTHING:
-Netkama Punch
-The Bromance Book Club [complete]
-The Live [complete]
-I'll Be the Matriarch in this Life
-Reincarnator
-Dark Mage Returns to Enlistment
-The Main Characters that Only I Know
-My Lucky Encounter from the Game Turned Reality
-The Archmage's Restaurant
-I Tamed a Tyrant and Ran Away
-I Created an Urban Legend
-The Regressed Demon Lord is Kind
#manhwa recommendation#The Guild Member Next Door#Martial God Regressed to Level 2#SSS-Class Suicide Hunter#Raising a Sacrifice#Medical Return#Kill the Villainess#Little Mushroom#My Darling Signed In#Zero Day Attack#I Will Change the Genre#I am once again exposing myself for how little sleep I'm getting#or exposing how stressed I am every time I'm not reading
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the whole kiss in one gif
#i will not sacrifice frames for colors#tumblr raise your gif size limit to 15mb please#good omens#good omens gif#good omens gifs#good omens s2#good omens 2#good omens spoilers#gos2spoilers#ida.stuff#goodomensgifs
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DC x DP: The Real Blood Son
It's a year after Damian came to live with them that he decides it is an excellent time to bombard Bruce with his news.
"I had a blood brother." He says to Tim after the other commented how important blood meant to Bruce-ie, not enough to make him get rid of his other sons. "He was the first from the artificial womb mother made with Father's DNA; however, he was disposed of once his heart condition became known. I highly doubt you will last even twice as long Drake-"
"What"
Bruce didn't know that he could make his voice that cold. That dead. What in the world does he mean disposed.
Damian goes still. The kind of still where he isn't sure if he just earned a punishment and is trying not to react to the fear. "My elder brother. Did mother not inform you?"
"Damian," Bruce struggles to level his tone at Dick's hard stare. "She hadn't even informed me of you. Please, can you explain more about your brother."
The youngest nods. "He had no name, but he was my biological brother. He was forced to grow to age of three before they realized he was defective. Grandfather had him sacrificed to the pit."
Jason growls "what do you mean?"
Damian looks confused- as confused as he can with his league training kicking in. "The Lazarus pit is made from the bodies of young virgins. No older then ten. They are sacrificed in exchange for the Infinite Realms' power to sink into the water. The children are not aware of what is happening to them until the very end. They do not suffer."
Bruce feels sick.
They talk a bit more, on how certain followers throughout history were more then happy to offer the great Ra's their own children to renew the pit. How Damain had watched three children when he was seven be sacrifice- it happened every five years- and how the children were given the best week of their lives.
They purposely given the most joy they could feel before the blades to make the Pit as pure as possible. He talked a lot about watching the youngest- five years- be laughing and splashing in the Lazarus water before his mother cut him down, his screams drowning in the green liquid.
"They say the Pit absorbs the last emotion of the sacrifice. Grandfather hopes the children realize the importance and honor they have to be ended for a glorious cause, but occasionally a few are disloyal. When Todd had taken a dip, the previous Renew, had a brilliant girl who figured out what was happening and attempted to escape. She failed, of course, and her arm was amputated in a mission, but she died angry. That's why Todd had such strong madness compared to-!"
"SHUT UP!" Jason roars suddenly, eyes glowing green, and for a brief moment, Bruce swears he hears an undertone of a young girl in his scream "SHUT UP! YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING! YOUR OWN BROTHER IS IN THERE"
Damain scowls "it's a honor. My brother's body was defective. But he at least had aidded in a glorious ritual."
Bruce can't help it; he leans over the BatCave Railing and hurls his dinner. Damian finally realizes that something is wrong.
They host a funeral for his three-year-old son, who died without a name, and place his gravestone next to his parents. They explain to Damian why the Renewal ritual is horrific but Bruce feels it take years before his son can see that.
Jason, went out into Crime Alley to let off some steam and had been going on a rampage against the underbelly of Gotham. He can't find it I'm himself to stop him.
Bruce asks Constantine to come over and do a small ritual, to hopefully unbound his child and let his son soul move on. Constantine warns that with the kid's name it may not work and that they could only free souls they share blood to but the English man tries anyway.
They send his son their prayers, and hopes. And they try to put him to rest.
Across the Infinite Releams to three dimensions to the right of the Wayne's soul resting ritual, The Fenton's adoptived son, Danny Fenton jolts in his English Class.
The strange stabbing scar above his heart- which is why he never takes off his shirt- burns then cools as if someone had tried to place the temperature-changing ointment. He rubs his best, confused.
What was that?
He'll have to check with FrostBite. Maybe his heart condition is acting up again. It happens every five years even though no doctors his parents have taken him to could figure out what it was.
Until Frostbite. The yeti claimed it had something to do with dark arts, but he's unsure what type.
Frostbite is still doing more testing.
"I wish you had lived, brother. I wish I knew you name"
The wind whispers, and Danny feels a flash of deep longing and grief before it's gone. Yeah, he needs to talk to Frostbite.
#dcxdpdabbles#dc x dp crossover#Tw: Child human sacrifice#Danny was sacrificed but he slipped into the Realms and floated to the Fenton's before dying#Jack and Maddie found him at a natural portal#they adoptive him#raised him#and Damian was born two years later#Danny can feel the bats
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#s classes that i raised#sctir#the s classes that i raised#tsctir#han yoojin#han yoohyun#my art#id in alt#oh the cycle of sacrifice.....
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Shoutout to Tim Drake for teaming up with the only other teenagers with messier family dynamics than the Bats
#fucking hysterical how Anita is raising her parents Kon is a clone of Lex fucking Luthor and Superman#Cassie is literally a descendant of the Greek gods so that's a whole other thing#Bart is a time traveller so that's a whole thing and Greta was literally murdered by her brother as a sacrifice#Cissie's dynamic with her mom is fucked as well and Tim is a Bat so like. Dude.#young justice#tim drake
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Constant thought in my brain recently: being chosen by the Hydro Sovereign as a sacrifice (or really, the base on which he'll judge humanity for this era) after you willingly took the blame and punishment of another person. You're told not to look at the Sovereign or lift your veil before reaching his domain, being guided only by clawed hands as cold and dangerous as the ocean depths and a voice as powerful as crashing waves.
The shock that goes through you when you see the Sovereign's lands in their entirety; bright, blooming with life...a far shot away from the dismal, rocky shores you've long heard were uninhabitable.
The Sovereign giving you free reign of his residence - except for his own chambers - and leaving you to your own devices whilst he returns to the waves lapping against the gleaming shores. To hunt? To govern? You don't know - the Sovereign has yet to utter more words than necessary and you're still too frightened to delve into the questions he's refused to answer.
Your only solace is the Sovereign's sole retainer - Neuvillette was his name, though he seemed to have trouble recalling it at first. He's the closest thing to human here, though you have your reservations. He answers some of your questions and elegantly redirects the ones he doesn't wish to answer; you can't really find it in yourself to complain. Especially when you know that this hospitality might be the last kindness you get before the Sovereign returns to claim his sacrifice.
Though, perhaps, the Sovereign will prove merciful and allow you to remain here with Neuvillette. At least for a little bit longer.
#toast talks#genshin impacted#genshin x reader#neuvillette x reader#this is half beauty and the beast and half something else but I have no idea what it is#But it's indulgent and tasty and I have not stopped thinking about it for the past three days#Neuvillette picking you because of your selflessness but you believe the Sovereign wants to devour you whole as part of his blood tax?#Sign me the fuck up I LOVE when the reader doesn't know Neuvillette's true nature and it's revealed in subtle waves that#don't give everything away at once#Reader believes Neuvillette was a former sacrifice that was brought here or was a human that was raised by the hydro sovereign#Incorrect but Neuvillette will let you believe that while he secretly not so secretly courts you in a form he believes won't scare you away#romantic sigh#alright time to get back to work -
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fool's fate good ending
#sorry ive had a pain level 8 migraine today and have been thinking constantly about that text post this morning#i actually got rid of most of the pain by reading fool's fate and crying 👍#helpful tip 4 u#says kenna#i wish they could have raised bee together you have no idea!!!!#she'd be dumb as shit if they were her only parents but it's a sacrifice i would make#realm of the elderlings
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“cody only has under an hour of screen time in all of star wars” maybe to you he does. to me he's the main character
#he's my most special little guy don't you GET it#in my mind's eye he also has at least an hour more of screen time from being in the kenobi show#because that's canon. FOR ME#bickering like an old married couple protecting luke and throwing bodies into the sarlac as a personal murder disposal on tattooine#everyone raise a glass for the first draft of the kenobi show that had cody chilling in the desert with obi wan as his secret buddy#where we would have had a deeper focus on themes of guilt and sacrifice and repentance and hope for a better future#by virtue of cody being there and exploring his new relationship with obi wan where they're foils for each other both driven by guilt#“my cody was so fun” yeah of course he would have been he's post war scrappy uncle cody killing bounty hunters every other thusday#how is that not the most fun thing ever#he's just so sunshiney like asfdsskk#he's my rotten soldier#he's my sweet cheese my good time boy#this is what i get for hyperfixating on clone wars for months on end#strong opinions on the rich inner lives of copy paste men and their 3 million brothers#*deep sigh* this is my life now and i love it and cannot save myself#star wars#the clone wars#the bad batch#tcw#sw#commander cody#codywan#tcw cody#clone wars#cc 2224#(thinking of any more tags used for cody)#(nah i think we're good)#andis thought geyser
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PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS
PUSSY.
BIG FLAPPY WET JESUS PUSSY.
JESUS' SOPPING WET PUSS-PUSS
[Edited months after posting to discourage catholics from replying to this post after finding that both the nice and much funnier not-nice responses to this were equally bad for my mental health. I didn't wanna delete it bc I was quite proud of some of my responses and it helps to have a visual reminder of why I left an abusive organization. Also, this means that any catholic who has reblogged this in an attempt to convert me, has now reblogged a post that, if clicked, links back to this. Use MY post for propaganda, will you!]
Thinking about how it was never made clear to me in Catholic school exactly WHY Jesus died for our sins. I just remembered that I was literally never clear on who the dying helped??
I've heard theories as an adult, but basically what I'm saying is pointless martyrdom seems a little pointless, and also with enough propaganda the big logical gaps in a belief system get really hard to see. Especially if questioning anything is blasphemy.
I would have gotten in so much trouble for insisting the teacher explain how Jesus helped us by being tortured to death by Romans even when God could have prevented it! God sent his only Son, they would have said! Be grateful, they'd say! Be guilty! Stop asking why he did that!!!
#original#religious trauma#<- what's up guys why did he do that??? for real i was raised catholic and it is FUCKING UNCLEAR but also the basis of a huge chunk of#my childhood?? like WHY though? my friend madeleine said it was related to animal sacrifices with the lamb of god stuff and all#this was NEVER mentioned in my school. i thought he was the lamb bc he followed god but maybe not#no wonder my impulse as a person is to constantly sacrifice myself unnecessarily#i think martyrdom is a bad gift. but i guess torture your son to death or whatever dude. but it's weird to do that and say it was for me#like...... thanks?? you're literally omnipotent but this is like the worst possible version of a cat leaving a dead mouse on my bed#Christianity#thank goodness i was too much of a fag to stay. i was so unhappy there.#the good place actually addresses a lot of my issues with Christianity as a whole while also not being all about Christianity#like what does it mean to condemn a person capable of change to eternal hell?M#*hell??#the good place#god pays the devil's rent y'all. like in that post that made my long beautiful essay about this irrelevant by#summing it up with 'girl they are in cahoots.' i think about that post all the fukn time nothing i can write longform is as punchy as that
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I know there's that whole stereotype of DMs and PCs hating each other or whatever but to be 100% honest the most joy I get out of D&D is when my players come up with some absolutely crazy batshit idea that should be absolutely impossible rules as written because as the DM I can choose to ignore that dumb nerd shit and just say "That sounds fucking rad dude, I'm giving you inspiration for that idea, now make an Acrobatics check."
#''Hey DM the mage cast fireball behind me can I sacrifice my Animated Shield to jump off it to try and launch myself at him?'' Like YES???#That is fucking insane you can absolutely do that dude#What am I gonna do NOT take the opportunity to describe this insane paladin launching out of the blast still enwreathed in flame#Surrounded by shards of his shattering magical shield still crackling with arcane energy as they light up around him like stars#Looking almost like a miniature galaxy with this arbiter of divine wrath emerging from the supernova screaming in bloodlust and fury#lit dramatically from both the blast the arcane sparks and the flaming feathers from their burning cloak following them out of the blast#Flying through the air with weapons raised toward a wizard who is very VERY quickly shifting from smug to utterly fucking terrified?#Fucking absolutely you can do that dude that sounds sick as fuck#go OFF king#Pun's text Posts
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after these leaks i just genuinely think megumi has depression like not even in a “wow haha he always pulls out mahoraga!” way but in an Oh my god his WHOLE LIFE has been in shambles since he was like 8 and i think he is like forever messed up
#this might be a severe misunderstanding of his character but also#we do not have nearly enough detail about his backstory and that worries me#we don’t have enough detail about him PERIOD#or at least from how i understand jjk#like maybe he pulls out mahoraga all the time because he’s willing to sacrifice himself all the time in like the craziest way possible#what do you mean i have to see a panel of him kneeling and crying and saying ‘that’s enough i don’t care anymore’#LET ME OUT AAAA TELL ME ITS NOT TRUE TELL ME ITS NOT TRUE#i just think that having a really messed up family dynamic and being raised by a teenager for most of your life would really fuck you up#but also like yeah i think that having to watch u kill ur own sister in your body is pretty bad#i just think he’s sad he makes me sad every time i see him#jjk 251#jjk spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi
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I really think the catalyst for the Tsaritsa’s fight against Celestia is going to have been the death of a family member. Her god of love epithet probably refers more strongly to familial love just look at the majority of cryo characters
#although rather than love. most of the examples have complicated relationships to their family#shenhe’s dad tried to sacrifice her#rosaria wasn’t treated well by the bandits that raised her but the chief set up his own death at her hands so she would survive#and don’t even get me STARTED on kaeya#but ayaka got her vision bc she wanted to support her brother and diona got hers while saving her dad !#mine#rambles#genshin#tsaritsa
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Love Between Fairy and Devil spoilers.
Just thinking about all the times that Dongfang Qingcang and Xiao Lanhua tried to out-care and out-sacrifice for each other is giving me MAJOR whiplash.
DFQC: To help my people accept you as my queen, I will take on the Bone-eating Spikes. Suffering hours are midnight till dawn every night for an unspecified amount of time.
XLH: To prove that I deserve to stay by your side as your queen, I’ll stay in the Fuju cave for three days. I know you said in its whole history, only you made it out alive, but… no worries, I got this. :)
DFQC: Fine, I’ll allow this, but ONLY because I want to respect your choices and show that you’re my equal in this relationship. That’s the only reason why I would even consider this.
XLH: Thank you. Now…drink this substance so that you won’t feel any of the pain with me. I’ll suffer like hell for three days BY MYSELF, you hear?
DFQC: You fool, I’ll never drink this. *spits gracefully* I’m going to feel all the suffering with you because we gonna be hubby and wifey. xoxo
XLH: Aww… okay then let’s get married ASAP before the big war because I want to officially be your wife and go through all your tribulations with you too ❤️
DFQC: Fuk… but the Bone Orchid is slowly killing you. But it’s okay, I’ll just kill my own heart by acting like I played you and make you hate me and stop loving me. I’ll make a pact with the literal god of all evil instead to free my 100,000 soldiers. You’re free to go now, stay safe fam.
XLH: You fool, but I never stopped loving you. I’m going to stab myself with this sword instead to free you from our curse and save all your friends. Boom. Ttyl.
DFQC: Fine. I’ll just raise your spirit seed until you literally resurrect into a goddess. I’ve done this before (taken care of you and nursed you back to health) so I’m basically an orchid expert now.
XLH: Fine, but when I come back, I’ll pretend I don’t remember you so that I can protect you from the fact that I’ll sacrifice myself again, to kill the evil god.
DFQC: Yeah but I figured out what you’re trying to do. So I decided I’m going to literally change your entire destiny because ily. *kisses then vanishes*
XLH: But when the evil god is consuming you and all of the realms’ immortals and armies need to use all their power to hold you back, I’m going to walk towards you by myself because I can 100% take care of this sacrifice on my own, thanks tho!
DFQC: No no, we’re good. I already trapped him in my Heart Sea. Can you just help me out a little bit by killing me so that I can get rid of this bane of existence for you?
XLH: But… it’s my destiny to save the world…
DFQC: But it’s my destiny to save you.
Y’all ever seen a couple do like 15 Reverse Unos in a row like that? Bruising up my heart each time.
#I just really needed to write this#reverse uno times infinity#I see your sacrifice and raise you an even greater sacrifice#sacrifices supreme-style#love between fairy and devil#spoilers#LBFAD#dongfang qingcang#xiao lanhua#cang lan jue#dylan wang#dong fang qing cang#moon supreme
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People who are like "poor baby Crowley got his heart broken, Aziraphale is toxic I hope he apologizes a billion times, Crowley doesn't deserve him" I think Crowley would not like you
#raised eyebrow emoji#do you even like the show#because it all flew over you#it's literally abou how much they love each other and every sacrifice they've made to protect each other their love and the earth#good omens#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#aziraphale#crowley#good omens season 2#aziraphale defense squad
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I made myself sad, and now I need to make it into a post instead of just letting those thoughts run free in my head.
The hells never felt this small to me before, even at the solstice when they were getting ignored because the vanguard had stronger opponents, even with all the jokes about them being a party of npcs, yesterday when they were alone in that tunnel trying to think of a possible "Hail Mary", that is when they felt impossibly small to me.
They are on a mission to gather information so more powerful people can make a plan. They are fighting for gods who never really showed a preference for them.
They were fighting a battle against someone so much stronger than them, someone called a legend even, and it all felt so unfair, and they all looked so small.
And their "Hail Mary" never came, not really, one of them had to decide to be said "Hail Mary", a little automaton had to love his friends with their entire being and take that challenge upon themselves and be their sacrifice and their salvation, and i'm just so fucking broken about this, they looked so alone down in that tunnel and it hurts so much to think about it, idk i'm just sad.
#that sacrifice line screams i was raised christian but oh well kinda hard to hide lol#cr spoilers#critical role#fresh cut grass#fcg#bells hells#the coin even fell on it's side!!!!!#they were so alone
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Jasico Bingo Challenge: love letter
A sheet of paper, folded into thirds, dotted in places with what must be water and grass stains. The handwriting is legible in some places, and shaky in others. In the margins are small doodles of birds, clouds, trees, and other miscellaneous, abstract shapes, as if the writer’s mind kept wandering.
TO: Nico di Angelo
FROM: Jason Grace
Hey, Nico. If you’re reading this, something probably happened to me. Maybe I hit my head again and lost my memories, or something, and you went through my stuff to try and find things to remind me of who I was. Maybe this fell out while we were hanging out, one day, and you saw it was addressed to you and you picked it up. Maybe I died—
However you found this, I guess, surprise! :)
First thing’s first: I’m sorry for leaving. I know I begged you to stay, and then turned around and left, and I really hope you understand - I didn’t leave because of you. I needed to find Leo, and leaving with Piper was the easiest way to do that. I had to try and get him back.
I wanted you to come with, but you were still healing and things were going really well with you and Will. I hope things still are, in fact. Wherever I am, I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come, and how much I’m sure you continued to grow even after I left.
I really love you, man. I never got to tell you that, but you’re one of my best, closest friends. You mean so much to me. You showed me a side of the world that I never would’ve seen otherwise, and gave me a space to be myself, and I will never, ever know how I deserved that. How I deserve you.
Is that out of left field? Haha it definitely is. Sorry.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Nico. I didn’t want to leave. I’m so sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry I had to go and I’m sorry it had to be me, but it couldn’t be her, Nico, it can’t be her, it can’t be. It has to be me.
It has to be.
Here, some of the words are smeared from the water marks. Lines cross through some words that have then been re-written, as if in after-thought the author realized they were too important to delete.
If you really are reading this, after the worst case scenario, I understand if you’re angry. I understand if you never want to think about me again, after what I’ve done. I’ll understand if you storm to your father’s palace and demand I be placed in the worst of the worst punishments for being so stupid.
Gods. Gods, Nico, I’m never going to get to tell you how I really feel. About all of this, about everything I’m going through, I’m never going to be able to tell you and that hurts. It hurts more than knowing I’m going to die, it hurts more than getting stabbed and poisoned. I’m going to die loving you and you won’t even know until it’s too late.
Maybe this is a stupid bad idea. Maybe I should let it die with me. Is it cruel, to tell you how I feel if I’m gone? Does this make me an awful person?
Shit. I think I’m an awful person, Nico. I’m awful and I’m selfish and I can never choose things for myself, it always has to be for the greater good, so this is it. This is as selfish as I can be. This is all I can be for you.
I want to see you on the other side. I want you to punch me for getting myself killed and hate me for being a hero and I want you to know that I didn’t want this but it needed to be me. It has to be me.
I’m still wrapping my head around it, but it has to be me, okay? So if I’m really gone when you’re reading this, okay, you have to let me stay gone. Please. If you get hurt, if you die, and it’s my fault, I could never—
Here, the letter abruptly stops. Then, it continues:
That’s all I wanted to say, anyway. That I love you. I love you in any way I can, and even if I’ve done it silently, and stupidly, from a distance, just know that it was there, the whole time. It’s still there, wherever I am. Dead, or lost, or whatever. I love you, Nico. I’m sorry.
-- Jason Grace :)
#jasicobingochallenge2024#love letter#tw major character death ment#tw suicidal ideation#i haven't read TOA so I don't really know what Went Down with this shit but I think Jason did journal-type letters to people#he wrote down whatever it was he wished he could say to them before he died#I think there's one to Piper about how much he loves her and wishes things could've been different for them#I think there's one to Leo where Jason pours his guts out about how much he hates him and needs him and wishes he hadn't died#(the irony of that is lost on him)#he writes one to Reyna about how he wishes they had more time to be friends again#He writes one to Hazel begging her to keep an eye on Nico. pleasing for her forgiveness because he knows she'll be so angry#one to Percy and Annabeth in a similar vein.#i thik Jason just had a lot of feelings that he never let himself feel until he decided to die for everyone#and in that moment his dams broke and he realized that he was never going to have the chance to be himself#not really#he was destined for this. he was destined to be the son of jupiter champion of hera sacrifice of olympus.#who knew the boy raised by wolves was really a lamb for the slaughter#ANYWAY. :)#pjo#jason grace#hoo#nico di angelo#jasico
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