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sweetmariihs2 · 1 year

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♡ Eddie Munson + Lana Del Rey inspired playlist ♡

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A Lana Del Rey playlist/song recommendations for Eddie Munson fans because I listen to Lana and daydream about him literally everyday 💋

♡ 💋 ♡ 💋 ♡ 💋 ♡ 💋 ♡ 💋 ♡ 💋 ♡ 💋 ♡

Brooklyn Baby — the lyrics are inspired by Lana's own life while she was living in Brooklyn. The song has a very sweet and catchy melody, she talks about how her boyfriend plays guitar in a band and how her life is with him. They are opposites though, which makes me believe that is the same aesthetic Lana uses in other songs: a rockstar/metalhead boyfriend dating her POV, a very feminine girlfriend, who probably loves girly things but also enjoy being like him wearing leather jackets and overall being with him everywhere he goes. Also Lana loves vintage vibes so she makes sure that her songs will sound like a 60', 70's or 80's life, even if it doesn't fit the musical style of that specific era.

Groupie Love — The POV is dating a guitarist, he's playing in a bar and having fun doing what he likes, and she's in the crowd admiring him being himself. She knows that everytime he looks up (in my interpretation maybe dancing or feeling the music) he's thinking about her, and he's her 'groupie love'. She loves listening to him, because she knows he's doing it just for her and not for everybody cheering him in the crowd. It fits better in a rockstar!au, but I like to think about the small Corroded Coffin at the Hideout with their five drunk fans (and Eddie's girlfriend obviously)

West Coast — I know she's talking about she and her metal biker black leather jacket boyfriend in a beach, but for me my scenario is more important ok???(lol) Apart from the beach, she's dating a musician (yes, again, metal, jacket, etc) and it's not talking specifically about a subject or a discussion, she's just using her words to make us imagine a scenario: she loves her boyfriend, watch him dancing and dances with him, describes that he's crazy and apparently smokes with her because she says "cubano" and maybe it's not about Cuba but actually a brand of cigarettes. And she also says that "you got the music in you, don't you?". Which means yes, he's definitely a musician.

Florida Kilos — "white lines, pretty baby, tatoos; don't know what they mean, they're special just for you". The whole song she's talking about using drugs with her boyfriend. That's it, these are the lyrics. She also says that she's not afraid of going to prision if he's at her side lol (personally I don't like this one that much but maybe some of you will, idk)

Sad Girl — I know I KNOW GUYS this song talks about being in love with someone who just uses you and go sleep with other women, i know and i'm sorry, but it's here because of these lyrics: "but you haven't seen my man, you haven't seen him; He's got the fire and he talks with it, he's got the fire and he walks with it" just win in it for me i'm sorry guys i'm too weak

Pretty When I Cry — let's be real it's just because of the guitar I'M SORRY GUYS I CAN'T HELP MYSELF I THINK ABOUT THIS MAN 24/7 (the whole ultraviolence tho,,, man just look at these aesthetics, they are just so 💋🤌 dating eddie (except for the toxic parts (they're in most of the album)))

Guns And Roses — again Lana it's talking about her boyfriend, and this song got into this list since the first sentence: "heavy metal love of mine,...". I think that the only incorrect parts here is that Eddie wouldn't like Guns N Roses because he's more into thrash metal than glam metal, and historically these two don't get along very well, also Eddie is not a biker but whatever. If it's Lana's metal boyfriend scenario then i'm here for it (and she also says this: "cause he was so much better than the rest of them, out of all the others he was the honest man" and i'm like 'his friends right???? Hellfire?? Corroded Coffin???? He's different from them cause he's special for you, it's ur love honey 💋)) ok i'll stop, im getting too far and humiliating myself at this point

Backfire — she's living in a trailer park with her boyfriend, they fight a lot but she's still madly in love with him (and again is a black leather type of guy, cause she calls him "my mafiosi rock n' roll high" lol). He's doing some illegal things she doesn't talk about in the song, and the cops are constanly trying to search their trailer, asking them to come outside. She already told him to stop with that thing, but he doesn't seem to listen, and she is very sad about that because she wanted to have a normal life with the man she loves. Apparently there's no other option, she loves him and thought she could change him 'like the others'(her words), but doesn't know how. She keeps telling him that this thing is gonna "backfire' someday, but he doesn't listen. He says that "it's not something he choose, the trouble follows him and it's been like that since the day he begin."

Prom Song/Teenage Wasteland — AHHHH THIS ONE IS SO HAPPY FINALLY SOMETHING CUTE *crying*// Lana is living an american school girl life, with prom, prom queen, studing, seeing him in the school hall, him walking her home while holding her hand, saying "be my valentine". She describes him as the brightest star she had ever seen, and it's so happy now. They kiss while watching television until the sunrise, she literally says "you see me in the hall like "hello, hello", up against the wall like "let's go, let's go". And it's so cheesy omg it remembers me of those movies, like 10 things i hate about you or breakfast club, just like, like cmon it's perfect for our Eddie Munson high school dating scenario guys, it's so cute. I forgot to mention, but they look like they just finished/are finishing high school, and everything she wants to do is getting out of this town, running away with him. "Let me get you out of this town, let me do it right now baby, dancing till dark staying forever young; let's get out of this place, cause you're starting to waste within this teenage wasteland". Do you guys remember that in the sinposis of the book that hasn't even released yet (lol flight of icarus) Eddie said that all he wanted to do is run away from Hawkins? This song is like "hey, like, we just finished our dream high school, this town is full of shallow people, do you wanna run away with me?" LIKE GUYS CMONNNN ARRGHHRH IT'S PERFECT FOR OUR LITTLE FANFICS (it has the same vibes from miss americana and the heartbreak prince by Taylor Swift, but even cheesier and happier, i love this song).

Yes To Heaven — it's just cute and i love the instrumental, sound like a 90's romance movie ((let me be))

TV in Black And White —NABSBDBDB i'm so sorry for this one but this fits so well. Lana is, like in the last song, singing in a very cheesy way. With her tone I can almost see in front of my eyes Lana like one of those ladies wearing pink inside of an all vintage pink house, and in the song she's crying to herself, but it's because her boyfriend got arrasted LMAOOO i'm sorry but it's so sad listening to her sing "i won't tell a single soul how you spend your nights, in that single cell, holding your pillow tight *crying*" like GIRRLLLL HE JUST GOT ARRESTED HE'S NO BABYGIRL STOP HANSBSHSBB omg i hate how this fits so much and it's so funny, poor eddie

Lake Placid — this post

Pink Champagne/Let Me Love You Like A Woman — the same post

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Overall Eddie is always on my mind so sometimes I see things that don't exist lol. I tried to mention the most obvious ones, but I see him in almost every Lana song because she creates a vintage vibe and she has this big crush in rock n roll type of guys, loving to write songs about them, even when she's talking about a sad subject like in Ultraviolence (domestical abuse) or Black Beauty (depressed partner). They still make me think about him, but just because i remember of him, not relating these abusive characters to my sweet nerdy guy, never

I'm 100% sure that everyone thought about Eddie in at least one of these songs before finding my blog, but I did what nobody did, made a full list of all of them

Hope you liked folks <3

You can always tell me about other songs and if it really fits I'm gonna edit this and write the reasons, like I did with these few. Also i'm sorry if i did any mistake in my writing, i can read in english but writing and talking it's hard since it's not my mother language, i'm really proud of myself actually, almost didn't used any translator to make this. Omg i'm writing in english that's so cool IT'S MY FIRST TIME WRITING SOMETHING THAT LONG

okay thanks for your attention

bye ♡

listen to the songs please they are all so good

#eddie munson #lana del rey #stranger things #eddie munson headcanons #ultraviolence #please this took so long to make

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artrealla · 2 months

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#yall have no idea how long it took to do the colors on this #i feel like my brain melted out my ears #but im SO happy with this theyre so cute god #my art #stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #st fanart #steddie fanart #please rb with tags they make me so so so happy and i screenshot them and show my friends and its so cute

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soldrawss · 7 months

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🧹🐺🧛‍♀️ Trick or Treat!⚡💀😈

#my art #toh #the owl house #toh hunter #toh willow #toh huntlow #toh winter #huntlow #vee noceda #luz noceda #amity blight #gus porter #willow park #please like this #it took me so long to make #and im hoping tumblr doesnt shit on the quality of it

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 7 months

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finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using

#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for?#open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer)#maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel #once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs #i respected their commitment to the theme #but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities #dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton #ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered #i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it #aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment #honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet #letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already.#really i've put off my responsibilities long enough #(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings)#(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time)#(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.)#(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)

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kookoofufu · 6 months

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Marineford my beloved

#this took so long to make #please clap #one piece #one piece meme #one piece fanart #monkey d. luffy #buggy the clown #sir crocodile #jimbei #jinbei #jinbe #shitpost #marineford #one piece memes #im gonna do this with the whole summit war saga. ive decided

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chittychittyyangyang · 1 year

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Volume 9 Bees

#rwby #rwby9 #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #bumbleby #ccyy edit #blake #yang #this took me forever #please enjoy #and it's not everything obvs but what I could fit making smaller gifs #I know tumblr hates gifs but you gave me a 30 limit SO TAKE IT #1k

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ruporas · 1 year

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asking and receiving (bonus below readmore)

[ID: A black and white, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood. In the first panel is a close up of Wolfwood's mouth as he says, "Vash". Accompanying it is a close up shot of Vash's eye, widen and cheeks flushed. Wolfwood presses a knee against the open space between Vash's legs and says, "Tell me everything you want from me." Wolfwood's face is equally as flushed. He continues to say, "I'll give it to you. Everything." As he talks, a wide shot shows the both of them in white space. Vash is sitting, leaning a little back with both hands pressed against the surface he's sitting on. Wolfwood is in his white dress shirt, stripped of the blazer. He's still leaning in with one knee in between Vash's spread legs, his right hand touching Vash's lips and his left hand behind his back.

The shot closes in on Vash's mouth and Wolfwood's hand against it, pressing down on the lower lip as he says, "You have to ask though. Go on." His hand moves down to Vash's chin, gently holding it. With a shy and uncertain expression, Vash hesitantly asks, "Um... K... Kiss... Please?" Wolfwood, without wasting a second, leans in and kisses him and indulges by pressing deeper, eliciting a small noise of surprise from Vash.

Wolfwood moves away from Vash first and with a smile, asks, "What else?" Vash tugs on Wolfwood's left sleeve, wordlessly budging Wolfwood to give him his hand that was still behind his back. In the next panel, Vash utters, "Hold me..?" He's holding Wolfwood's left hand with his own while his right hand is reaching for his waist. Wolfwood complies, moving his left hand to Vash's shoulder and his right hand continues to touch Vash's cheek. Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"

More comfortable now, Vash leans in to kiss Wolfwood. Wolfwood catches him immediately, pressing his thumb against Vash's lips to stop him before demanding, "Hey. Ask." Vash looks back in surprise and Wolfwood meets his eye with a quiet, insistent look. They're quiet for a moment before Vash leans in again and curtly requests, "Kiss. Me." Wolfwood says "Good", smiling as he lifts his hand away, and meets Vash's lips. In the next shot, Wolfwood had adjusted his position, sitting on Vash's thigh. The hand that was once on Vash's cheek has moved its way to Vash's nape, pushing away the collar of his jacket with his pinky. His other hand continues to grip on Vash's shoulder. Still kissing, Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"

In the next shot, Vash is starting to turn, moving Wolfwood with him. Vash asks, "Let me on top of you?" Wolfwood says, "Mhm" before asking again, "What else?" The next panel shows a close look of Vash's face. He's looking down, flushed and shy just as he had been at the beginning, but now, more decisive. Vash asks, "Wolfwood... Let me have you..?" A panel of Wolfwood taking Vash's hand into his, pulling it towards his chest. The next panel shows Wolfwood lying down where Vash had laid him. Vash's hand is on Wolfwood's chest, covering the cross of his rosary while Wolfwood's hand lingers against his, loosely pressing Vash's hand in place. He looks up at Vash with a shy smile of his own, flushed cheeks. He says, "All yours."

A panel shows a close up of Vash's tender gaze before he leans down to be closer to Wolfwood. The final shot is a front view of their positions, Vash's face turned away from the viewer; Vash is leaning over Wolfwood who's lying down with his right leg draped over Vash's legs. Wolfwood's left hand holds onto Vash's left arm. With finality, Vash says, "...Mine." End ID]

[ID: A follow up bonus comic in a looser, sketchier style. They're laying comfortably in bed when Vash asks, "What was that earlier?" referecing to the start of the previous comic. Wolfwood glances away and says, "To get you used to it. Asking. And getting what you ask for. Since you're alwasy hesitant about it." Vash's eyes widen, tight lipped. Wolfwood continues, "Knowing you, it'll be a tough habit to break..." When he says this, Vash can't help but laugh, unable to deny it. Wolfwood slowly brings a hand to Vash's cheek and continues to say, "So I'll keep trying -- whatever ways I can... to get it through your thick skull." Vash takes Wolfwood's hand with his, kissing the the palm gently. Wolfwood's eyes soften and holding onto Vash's cheek, he leans in to try for a kiss. Vash says, "Hey..." before stopping Wolfwood's lips with the back of his hand, a smug look on his face, "Ask." Wolfwood's embarrassed and with little irritation, asks, "Really?" Vash smiles, saying, "You're in need of practice too." They pause for a moment, Wolfwood looking contemplatively, before he's leaning in again, asking, "May I please kiss you?" Vash looks him in the eyes and says, "Yes." The comic ends with a "chu", indicating an off-panel kiss. End ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #it took me so long to post this even after getting clarification about the maturity warning and stuff #bc i am so shy about it. SDGMKDSGMKSD I LIKE THIS COMIC BUT IM ALSO SO LIKE... AUGHHHH....#when i posted this on twitter though it was like... a few days after ep 11? ive always had the thought circling about vash deserving of #asking for things... and getting what he wants bc he never gets both. doesn't get the opportunity to ask and hardly does he get what he want #maybe the results can go in his favor but at some point along the way he'll still lose something bc nothing can ever go perfectly for him...#and he's usually the one begging and pleading with people to not. do something. it's not even asking at that point it's just straight up #please believe me. please trust me. please don't shoot that person. please don't kill anyone. please don't do it.#and wolfwood.... it was not always this lovey dovey ok. he wouldv noticed this habit miles away and they got into a fight about it the first #time they talked about it bc wolfwood is being hypocritical too. as he always is!!!! but i think as they get more intimate #wolfwood finds ways to make vash understand. smth smth insatiable want and love and desire for wolfwood that makes it much easier to ask.#wolfwood can also just be so compliant. sometimes. which is also an issue in of itself that id love to explore at some point #but he also just enjoys giving into vash fully and completely.#bc he loves him a lot. but anyway #i hope the id is comprehendible.... please lmk if there's something wrong with how im doing it asfdgkdsmgs #ruporas art

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courfee · 30 days

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“Regulus would be proud of us,” James whispered quietly to no one in particular, still gripping onto the painting like a life raft.

— Tender Curiosities, Baby! @otrtbs

#ive thought about this scene for so long it just took me forever to draw cause once again the anatomy of cars is the bane of my existence #like originally i wanted evan and barty holding hands to be visible to have the contrast of sad lonely james and sad not lonely rosekiller #but alas cars wont allow it #ahb just still has my entire heart you dont get it #i have a none blurry rosekiller and a just james in front of blue with stars version of this but i think ill only put them on insta...#tender curiosities baby #art heist baby #james potter fanart #james potter #jegulus #rosekiller #rosekiller fanart #marauders #marauders fanart #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #jegulus fanart #jegulus fanfiction #fic: ahb #art heist baby!#mine #my art #hp #ahb #(sneaky end notes: i do have to admit i am not too pleased with evan and barty but this was my first time drawing them)#(so i couldnt figure it out quite yet hency why they look a little. less efforty...)#(also the snake ring is the same design that i drew for chapter 34 of ahb in my little chapter illustrations for my typeset)#((nvm i just checked back and i am fully lying here i used a different one for my typeset and now im vaguely upset oops)#(i shouldnt make decisions only half awake im going to think about this for too long now i am sad))#((like suddenly i was like. hold up. i had a different design there didnt i... it was an open ring goddamnit))

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shower-phantom-ideas · 8 months

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Danny as Fenton takes a hit that no human boy should survive while in a different city (im going crossover here) and just transforms into phantom and pretends to be all sad that he died. Just for a moment. He then proceeds to kick the baddies ass. Claims he got ghost powers and fucks off. Imagine if Captain America or Batman saw this while failing ti protect him, hell or any hero type. Danny doesn’t think much on it and just goes on with his week. Continues being Fenton of course but what if he runs into whatever hero, but out if costume, saw him do that.

“How are you here? And alive?”

Danny holding a smoothie:”uhhhh I made a miraculous recovery”

He just shrugs it off and goes about his day. It isn’t until he finally gets some sleep later that night that he wakes up in a cold sweat realising he now knows their secret identity. “Oh well it’s neat I guess” starts to go back to sleep only to bolt back up “oh god now they know my secret identity”

Meanwhile said hero is too busy trying to figure out how to help this random kid to even be worried about the fact that they outed themselves. Someone else probably points it out to them and has to explain it twice before it gets thru.

#danny phantom #crossovers #dp x mcu #dpxdc #dp x dc #I like to use batman a lot cause his need to protect these kids probably makes him a little stupid #like imagine him in the batcave looking into fenton now and nightwing comes in starts asking about it #only to have to find out that bruce basically told the kid hes batman #except bruce is tired and worried so he isnt getting it #no B I mean like how does bruce wayne know the kid died. only batman saw it #if you are trying to make some sort of joke it’s not working. now please excuse me I have to figure this out #a sigh and facepalm #B imagine what the kid is gonna think when bruce wayne asks him how he is alive but batman watched him die.#slowly bruce stops typing and leans back from the computer #he freezes #eyes widening #a soft but sharp intake #oh #yea oh B geeze you must be tired if it took this long for you to get ut #bruce with his head in his hands realising he just messed up big time #maybe he should get more sleep after all #as for the mcu I would like to think it was hawkeye or hulk #I like hulk cause it’s also a bruce but I like hawkeye more. guy is very comfort character #clint just kid I saw you die now why don’t you explain that #danny giving him nothing till clints like come on it’s kinda messed up letting me think I let a kid die isnt it.#oh poor me loosing so much sleep watching a young boy become a ghost. I could hardly go on #danny rolls his eyes laying it on a little thick arent we old man #gasp! I will have you know I am only (insert haskeyes age here)#geeze you are waaayyy okder than I thought

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liquidatorbruntfca · 3 months

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star trek as tumblr memes (1/?)

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heartorbit · 23 days

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the star you've longed for

#PLEASE WATCH REVUE STARLIGHT!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥#project sekai #revue starlight #pjsk #emu otori #nene kusanagi #emunene #prsk #proseka #yuri win. i make my fav pairing fight tothe death #HAPPY EMUNENE WEEK LOOOOOL #Can i be hinestni think this sucks it took way too long cause i forgot how to draw for a week #im seeing demons and stuff. i feel more normal now. Also you may recall emu has a big hammer for revstar #thats the bottom of it the gem thing all the weapons have hers is sharp #i remember seeing meta post abt how mahiru has a blunt weapon because she never actually aimed for the lead role #rather she only wanted to be by karen's side. so her weapon wasnt capable of cutting anything in the first place #Fastforward to the movie and well LOLLLLL #though i think its funny in the movie her mace is still mostly used for i timidation againstbhikari.. bc again shes not winning for a lead #revue starlight youre neat. maybe i like revstar.#<- has been insane for 4+ years #Needed their pose to be smth where nenes weapon isnt visible because I DONT KNOW WHAT WEAPON TO GIVE HER. OOMFS HELP. I NEED A NENE WEAPON.#i thought some sort of polearm/spear/halberd etc something with range but that can be ambitious #but i feel like smth with that much footwork needed doesnt suit her.. And she cant hsve a sniper i dont think thatwould fucking work #aruru gets pistols in the revue but aruru also is Ummm well shes uhhh. [screaming] [car crash]#throwing knives would be funny wouldnt it. Put that gamer aim to use #idk if the emunene week tag is on here but i'll donit anyways #emuneneweek2024 #i remembered to switch which account this pists to for the first time in like 3 pists. so you get to see all my tags this time #rather than accidentally posting it to the wrong account and having to dekete and repost andngoing IM NOT WRITING ALL THAT AGAIN.

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clingyduoapologist · 1 year

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On c!Tommy and Selfishness

///

Text Credit: Sir Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

Art Credit: Sad-ist, Dawn of the 16th, The Fall, Final Waltz, Warriors

#LETS FUCKING GOOO #FINISHED IT #THIS TOOK SO LONG #anyways #my first web weave guys!!!#tbh i think i did pretty good #this quote is just so ctommy to me #just needed to bring it to life y'know?#anyways yeah #what do you guys think???#i emotionally wrecked myself making this btw so please appreciate it #chommito does that to me #dream smp #c!tommy #web weaving #clings writes

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suja-janee · 3 months

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I accidentally deleted the ask but I made a meme to explain why I primarily draw mk1 despite liking mk11 more

#please this took me so long to make… like 6 mins pffft #I need to download a photo editing app istg #mortal Kombat 1 #mortal Kombat 11 #meme

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 month

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On Kurapika's Self-Imposed Isolation

While I recognize that probably everything I'm about to say is going to be super obvious, I just wanted to briefly touch on Kurapika's self-isolation, and the reason behind his not picking up his phone or exchanging anything more than clipped words and business after Yorknew.

I think the obvious answer is that Kurapika doesn't want his friends in harms way, or to be used as a bargaining tool against him. This is an understandable and probably accurate conclusion. After all, Gon and Killua did get taken hostage, and Kurapika was forced to negotiate an exchange. Chrollo picked up on Kurapika's "weakness" right away - that he values his friends' safety before his revenge. Fortunately for Kurapika in this situation, Pakunoda was a whole lot more similar to him than he would've cared to admit, as she placed a value on Chrollo's life even though everyone in the Spider was intended to be replaceable. So, now that he's been through Gon and Killua having potentially gotten killed or seriously hurt, and Chrollo knows that he has a soft spot for them, it does make sense that he would try to push them away for their safety and for the sake of not having an exploitable "weakness" in future. He may also not want to burden them more when they have their own lives to live - he does slip off without telling Gon and Killua for the sake of not distracting them from Nen training, after all.

Except that he already tried all this earlier in Yorknew arc. He tried to tell them they shouldn't get involved, and they all agreed that the risks were massive - but his friends agreed to undergo the risks anyways to help him. Kurapika was even grateful for it - "I have been blessed with good friends."

So, for him to push them away solely for this reason after the fact, knowing that this was very much a likely situation to happen, is a little odd to me. Kurapika knows full well that Leorio would be frustrated, Killua would be offended and Gon would worry. So, I think there's a little more to it than that, and I actually would venture to say that "keeping his friends out of danger" is more a secondary reason for his actions - one that would come across as more of a reasonable excuse to others.

The primary reason is likely a lot more selfish than that. Kurapika has to ensure his mission comes first. And unfortunately, he is fully aware that his path and choice in abilities is deeply self-destructive.

Kurapika needs to make sure that he doesn't have exploitable weaknesses, sure, but he also just as much needs to purposefully worsen his headspace - and he can't do that with those three around.

Think back, what are the happiest moments we see from Kurapika in the series? The one that comes to mind first, and the one I'm sure most of us will think of immediately, is this:

[ID: A screenshot from the 2011 anime adaptation. Kurapika smiles - he looks at ease. End ID.]

It's one of the sweetest scenes of the series imo, right before the whole group is reunited for the first time since the Zoldyck Family arc, and it's even more notable because it comes immediately on the tail end of this...

[ID: Three panels from HxH Chapter 101. Kurapika removes his contacts over the sink. His expression is distant. End ID.]

...and this...

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A close up of Kurapika's vacant and furious expression, his eyes wide and dangerous as he says "It might as well be you." Though the art is in black and white, it's apparent his eyes have gone scarlet. End ID.]

...and this.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A distant Kurapika speaks on the phone on a rooftop at night, the cityscape of Yorknew around him dark, but speckled with lights and stars. He says "The Spiders are dead." His face is not visible to the reader. End ID.]

This is, up to this point in the series, Kurapika at his lowest. In contrast to Gon, who is happy to hear that the Spiders are dead already because now Kurapika can focus solely on finding his peoples' eyes, Kurapika... is clearly not happy - and that's because killing the Spiders himself isn't just revenge. It's penance. It's survivor's guilt. Kurapika's powers, which Izunavi even comments sound much like he is chaining himself in the process of chaining his enemies, are oh-so-beautifully prophecied to destroy him - and Kurapika was aware of this from the moment he set off down this path of revenge.

(As a side note, this is why I'm really hoping we see Gon and Kurapika interact again after the Chimera Ant arc - while Gon has always been pretty attentive to Kurapika's emotional state, in Yorknew, he lacks a true understanding of why Kurapika would go so far... but as of now, he understands rage fueled by guilt and grief all too well. I know we're all rooting for Leorio to reach Kurapika, but barring that, I really think Gon could get through to him - after all, they are similar in several ways, and I find it fairly apparent that Gon reminds Kurapika of Pairo.)

But back to the main point here - I do suspect Kurapika expects (if not wants) his revenge mission to destroy him. I think a lot of times, we forget just how young Kurapika is, and how much his character is dictated by honour, and the abandonment of it.

Certainly, he can and will go against his principles for the sake of his mission... yet, almost paradoxically, he's bound to his promise to his fallen clan; a promise to avenge them made in anger.

But Kurapika... doesn't come across as a naturally angry person to me at all.

He seems like the stoic, vengeful type on his initial introduction... and then we get his panic at Gon's recklessness

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 2. Kurapika and Leorio wear matching expressions of panic in front of Gon, calling him out for his recklessness. End ID.]

...and his near-immediate forgiveness of Leorio after getting the first inkling of his character - of someone who cares just as fiercely as he does.

And after that point? Almost all through the Hunter Exam? Kurapika smiles so readily at them. He's sharp and funny. He mediates at times, but is stubbornly prideful in others. He's very amused by his friends' antics, and it really does seem like he starts to enjoy himself, with them. And, more than that, he counters Leorio's initial impression of him as an independent loner - on several occasions. He decides to follow Gon because Gon intrigues him. Asides from Gon, it is Kurapika who is the most unwilling to fight each other at the bottom of Trick Tower. Kurapika who makes the first move to team up with Leorio, even though that arrangement benefits Leorio much more than it does him. Kurapika who refuses to abandon Leorio to his fate in the cave, and who checks on Gon after noticing his bad mood. Who was furious enough watching him get beat down by Hanzo that his eyes went scarlet for the first and only instance outside of Spider mentions and Emperor Time. Who quite readily detoured to help rescue Killua.

[ID: Three screenshots from the 2011 adaptation Hunter Exam arc. In the first, Kurapika smiles at a sleeping Leorio. In the second, Kurapika stifles laughter as he pretends he's asleep. In the third, Kurapika has an open-mouthed smile as he acquires the airship tickets for them, Leorio and Gon standing behind him. End ID.]

Look at him! He's so bright! So happy!

...too happy. Too happy to do what he promised himself he would do. And that's his biggest fear, isn't it. Without his rage... what is he left with?

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 2. A close up of Kurapika's eye as he says "I do not fear death. What I fear is that my rage will one day fade away." End ID.]

Kurapika is far, far less mired in anger when he's with his friends. I actually dare to say that at certain points, he was able to go for lengths of time without thinking much about it - alternating between almost forgetting in one instance and being hit like a sledgehammer on exposure to a reminder in the next. This violent swing is... actually the beginnings of the natural process of healing from loss and trauma. But to Kurapika, who's made a promise to his people's memories, this is not a relief. This is betrayal.

I think that actually scares him, that he can almost picture it. A life beyond his guilt. That he, too, could learn to be happy, even after unimaginable loss.

And so, as Kurapika continues his mission offscreen, finding more and more gruesome reminders of the cruelty inflicted on his people and losing more and more pieces of himself in the process (in his own words, no less), he prioritizes his responsibility to them, and pushes away his distractions. He cannot be a soul at peace until his work is done; he must be in turmoil. He pushes people away who he cares for, and binds himself, and keeps his people's eyes on him, quite literally, because respite, for him, is unacceptable. Perhaps that guilty part of him even hopes, by the end of this, that his soul will be so unrecognizable as to be fundamentally unsalvageable. But the truth of the matter is, or at least what comes across to me, is that Kurapika cares much more fiercely than he hates. He knows what matters most. And for as long as he does, he still hasn't truly lost himself.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 350. Kurapika looks down at baby Woble with a gentle, yet complicated expression. The inking is somewhat softer. End ID.]

Kurapika's soul is kind, really. And it wants to heal - but for the sake of his mission, he needs it damaged and bleeding. And so, he forces himself to exist in that pain. All alone.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 344. Kurapika, dressed in a black suit, sits with his back to the reader, looking down at a photo in his hand. He is slumped a little before the church vigil he has prepared, all his clan's eyes lined up in their jars and honoured with flowers and candles. He thinks to himself "There is no home for me to return to... and nobody to welcome me back. I have nothing left." End ID.]

#thank you for coming to my ted talk on how kurapika is worsening his own mental health as well as physical health on purpose have a good day #oh my god this took me so long but it was worth it!!!#actual analysis!!! it's been so long!!!#anyways i'm far shakier on my hxh knowledge than other fandoms i've written meta for #so i hope this makes sense. i appreciate additions to it just please be polite!#i also believe that togashi's writing lends itself to multiple interpretations that are equally valid. so much of this #may be my own takeaway. but i do think there's enough evidence to support it #well. i hope you guys suffer... i mean enjoy.#storyrambles #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh meta #kurapika #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective #<-analysis tag i missed you

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