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#Online Chess Teacher
rusted-sun · 2 months
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just watched this video essay about art while i was making art and now im having so many feelings 10/10 i highly recommend it
or alternatively: Art For No One by Jacob Geller
#its almost an hour long#and is exactly the type of existentialist stuff you know i love#i wonder about what will happen to my art after i die a lot. and. hm.#the art i make is art just for me. but when i die. it will be for no one. because then i will be no one.#so i want as egotistical as i am. id probably want it destroyed.#but knowing art historians it will be very infuriating. but who needs a diary of someone dead. who needs a fragment of a man who once was#when none of it will be interpreted correctly#id rather it be destroyed. burnt. returned back to the ashes of the stars the materials i used once were#theres so many things ive done that ive never shown or told anyone. so by extension the idea of me eventually wanting to record it all#and show it online is very paradoxical i guess#i guess its just a phrase from a painting teacher i once had that stuck to me deeply#a friend asked her what she likes to paint. and she replied with#“i dont paint in my free time anymore. who needs a bunch of old paintings?”#and. hm. i suppose i relate to that. noone needs my stupid art and even less people care about it like i do#but the flesh is flawed and i am still creating. i am observing what little i see of the world and try to make sense of it via art#my sketchbooks are physical copies of the thoughts occurring in my mind and my physical itch and need to create and learn and understand#and to cry and to feel and to live#i live to make art and in return the art i make; makes me keep living#i think its getting too late and i need to go to bed#chess shh
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sansaorgana · 8 months
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— NEW MEMORIES
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PAIRING — Erik Lehnsherr x fem!Mutant!Reader
SUMMARY — You're excited to celebrate holidays for the first time in a long time and you prepare the school for Christmas and Hanukkah but your husband's attitude differs, which leads to an argument. You accidentally reveal too soon that you're expecting, which ruins a surprise.
AUTHOR’S NOTE — As usual, Reader’s mutation is NOT specified. I checked online Hanukkah's date for 1973 and I hope it showed me right that it started December 19th, which means it would overlap with Christmas. I also tried not to specify if Reader would celebrate only Hanukkah with Erik or Christmas, too, so I hope it's not very exclusive, because I imagine that even if she is not a Christian or Jewish, she would still want to celebrate Hanukkah because of her husband. In this fic, Erik and Reader are both teachers at Xavier's School, probably after Days of Future Past happened but with less shitty ending for Erik 😂 I also wanted to write a part when the baby is born but I decided the time difference between the scenes would be too big so I'll just write another fic 😁
WARNINGS — mentions of parents' death (Reader's backstory is similar to Jean Grey's)
WORD COUNT — 2,220
ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.
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NEW MEMORIES
December has never been your favourite time of the year. Most of the time it was a reminder that you weren’t normal, that your life wasn’t usual and that whatever all these people in Christmas commercials had was out of your reach.
But in 1973, for the first time in your life, you were actually excited. And since Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters was open again, you had plenty of people to share your excitement with. Lots of students volunteered to help you with decorating the place for the upcoming Christmas and Hanukkah celebrations. That year was one of those when the two of them overlapped.
After all your classes on Friday, you worked on yet another room of the house with the help of a few students. When you finished it was almost ten pm so you told them goodnight and went straight to your bedroom. Erik was already there, reading a history book and making notes.
“What is it about?” you asked him with a smile as you began to take off your clothes. You were so tired that you decided to take a shower in the morning and now just change into pajamas.
“Napoleonic wars,” your husband answered without looking up. “I have a feeling he might have been one of us.”
“Aren’t we, like, a product of this century?” you asked and put a nightgown on. “Come on, it’s late, let’s go to sleep,” you stood behind him and placed your hands on his shoulders.
“I’ve only just begun,” he explained. “I need these notes for Monday.”
When you managed to convince Erik to join you at school and teach history, he was unsure about it but he promised to give it a try. Just like you promised you would leave with him to live in peace somewhere else if he wouldn’t like the life at Charles’ school. But one semester later he was already very engaged in his work. Students respected him although you could see that they were also a bit scared of him, which was understandable.
“You’ve just begun?” you laughed a little.
“I was playing chess with Charles earlier,” Erik answered with a nod and hummed after underlining a line in the book.
“Is this why you’re so tense?” you asked as you slightly squeezed his stiff shoulders. “Did you lose?”
“I’m not tense,” he tried to shake you off.
“Talk to me, Erik. It’s not gonna work if you refuse to talk to me,” you reminded him sternly and he sighed before putting the pencil down and closing the book. “We need to be open about what is bothering us, you promised me we’d make it work this time,” you added.
“Yes, I know. But I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” Erik turned his head around to look at your face. You took a step back and furrowed your brows.
“What do you mean, Erik?” you asked.
He hesitated before saying anything and a million of possible scenarios started to come up to your mind.
“You don’t like it here?” You inquired. “You want us to move out?”
“No, it’s not about that… But…” Erik swallowed thickly and took a deep breath in. “I don’t like what you’re currently doing. I’m sorry. I don’t want to take your happiness out of it.”
“What am I currently doing?” you couldn’t understand what he was saying.
“Christmas and Hanukkah preparations,” he explained and you blinked a few times as your brain needed to process that information.
“Wait, what?!” you raised your voice a little. You didn’t want to scold him for expressing his feelings but you just couldn’t understand his reaction. “We’re going to celebrate for the first time in such a long time, and what’s more important, we’re not gonna be alone in this. We have our friends and students here. For the first time December is a positive time of the year to me… to us,” you tried to explain your point of view nervously. Erik was only looking at you and blinking slowly, patiently waiting for you to finish. “But I don’t do it for myself. I mostly am doing it for you, Erik. I wanted you to be happy, too. I wanted you to enjoy something that had been taken away from you a long time ago.”
“It reminds me of Hanukkahs with my parents,” he finally spoke up and you pursed your lips for a moment before opening your mouth again.
“So you don’t want to ever celebrate again?” you asked to be sure.
“No, I don’t think so,” he shook his head.
“Why can’t you let yourself be happy, why are you torturing yourself further? I don’t get it, I’m sorry,” you tried not to be irritated but you felt utterly disappointed. You sat on the edge of your bed and hid your face in your hands.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be a killjoy.”
“Too late,” you murmured, fighting your tears back.
“I know that most of the students will be celebrating. I think I’ll just leave for a week somewhere. I have already discussed it with Charles and he said there are a few things I can do for him at that time,” Erik’s voice sounded casual like he was discussing business for you.
“You want to leave us during Christmas time?” you moved the hands off of your face and looked up at him angrily.
“(Y/N), please, I don’t want to fight about it…” Erik sighed. “Why can’t you just understand that I don’t want to…” he clenched his jaw and looked away. “I don’t want to create new memories like this because it would remove the ones I already have… with my mother.”
“And you think she wouldn’t want you to celebrate holidays with your new family? You don’t think she’d want you to be happy?” you stood up and looked down at him. You felt like a bitch but his explanation made you even angrier.
“I don’t know what she’d want because she’s dead!” He stood up and raised his voice.
“So, I won’t be able to celebrate ever?! Because you don’t want to create new memories?” you put your hands on your hips.
“I’m not forbidding you to celebrate.”
“I don’t want to celebrate without you, don’t you understand?!” you yelled and rolled your eyes. “And when our child is born, you won’t celebrate Hanukkah with them either?” you asked and then you closed your mouth quickly. Your anger made you reveal a few things too early.
“What child?” you could see Erik’s face becoming pale within a second. “(Y/N)?”
“It was supposed to be a Christmas surprise… But since you won’t even be here, I guess I can tell you now,” you shrugged your arms. “I’m pregnant,” you announced and turned around to avoid looking at his face. You were scared of his reaction.
You didn’t know how long it took him to finally do something. Was it a very long minute or was it ten minutes of a heavy silence between you two…?
“(Y/N), I’m sorry,” he finally whispered. Apologizing wasn’t his strong trait. You sensed him standing behind you and putting his hand on your shoulder shyly. You didn’t push him away but you didn’t lean back towards him as usual either. “For how long do you know?”
“Two weeks. It’s the second month,” you answered, your eyes focused on the wall in front of you as you tried to fight the tears back. “Are you even happy?” you dared to ask and your lower lip trembled because asking it out loud made your heart break.
You were trying to give him a normal life, to give him family and happiness, joy around Christmas time and all that. But he seemed to prefer to dwell on his past. You didn’t expect him to forget about his mother or about the pain, of course not. Your past wasn’t exactly pleasant either. But you wanted to be happy despite that, you wanted to have a family, you wanted a new start in life, another chance.
“Of course I am,” Erik answered and gently turned your body around so you would face him. However, you tried to avoid his eyes. “But I’m terrified,” he confessed.
“And you think I am not?” you looked up eventually as a few tears rolled down your cheeks. “I’m a monster, Erik. You think I’m not scared of hurting them by accident?” you asked.
When you were about twelve years old, you caused your parents’ death after having an argument with them. Your powers were out of control and you were locked in a mental institution for underage girls by people who didn’t understand that you weren’t crazy nor really dangerous. That was where you met the person who made you realize who you were and who was the only person there who wouldn’t treat you like a monster; although that was the word you could easily call him with. His name was Sebastian Shaw – but he introduced himself as Doctor John Smith. He was experimenting on you for a few years and although it had been a traumatic experience, you learnt how to control your mutation thanks to him. That was also how you met Erik – he found you not so long after you turned eighteen years old and left the institution. You started to work as a waitress and he was hunting for the man who had used your pain and suffering to perform experiments on you to deepen his knowledge about the various mutations. You decided to join Erik because your life didn’t seem to have any purpose anyway.
“You’re not a monster,” he sighed and pulled you closer to wrap his arms around you. With one of his hands he held the back of your head and caressed your hair. “You were just a child and now you’re older, you can control your powers. You’re extraordinary,” he whispered the words of comfort and kissed your forehead. “I’m not scared about you hurting our baby, I would never. I trust you with my life,” he assured you and it was comforting to hear that.
“Creating new memories doesn’t wipe out the old ones,” you cried out and pressed your face deeper into his chest. “Believe me, I wish it worked this way. I wish I could forget. I begged Charles to make me forget but he refused to do it to me,” you confessed and Erik raised your chin to make you look at him again. He hadn’t known about that before.
“You haven’t told me that,” his face was full of pain and worry.
“It was when you were in jail. I begged Charles to remove all the pain, the memory of my parents, the memory of Shaw… Even you. I begged him to even remove you from my head. But he told me I wouldn’t be myself any longer. He was right and I hate that. I hate that what I am is made of pain and suffering,” you sniffled. “That’s why I want to make good memories so badly, do you understand? I want to celebrate with you like we never have before. I want to laugh and feel safe. Like I belong somewhere, surrounded with friends and students, with my husband by my side and my baby growing inside of me. Do you understand my point of view now, Erik?” you bit on your trembling lip.
“Yes, my liebling, I do,” he nodded and leaned in to kiss your forehead and then the tip of your nose, which made you giggle through the tears, until eventually he pecked your lips.
“But I don’t want to force you either,” you sighed. Now, when all your emotions were finally out and you calmed yourself down, you decided there was no point in pushing him into something that would make him feel uncomfortable. “If you don’t want to celebrate, it’s alright. We both have our right to deal with whatever that has happened to us in our own ways. I’ll still have fun with all the rest, don’t worry about me,” you assured him.
“No, you were right. About me choosing to torture myself instead of allowing myself to enjoy my life,” Erik caressed your cheek and you cracked a smile. “And I can’t miss my child’s first Hanukkah either.”
“I want them to have a happy childhood,” you told him. “Like we never had.”
“I know. I do, too,” Erik placed his hand on your belly and caressed it gently, like it was made of glass. “I will protect them from everything, I promise. No human will hurt our baby.”
You smiled at him and cupped his face before leaning in to give him a proper kiss this time.
But you didn’t tell him that what you feared more than humans hurting your child was actually the child turning out to be perfectly normal. You were afraid that a man so prejudiced towards humans as your husband wouldn’t love his child fully if they weren’t a mutant. You couldn’t tell him that, though. You didn’t want to fight with him anymore that night. Instead, you just kissed him. After all, you’d still have a few years before you’d find out if the baby was a mutant or not.
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MASTERLIST
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bouncybongfairy · 10 months
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A New Type of Fear
Donatello x Fem Reader
Summary: After meeting Donnie online, your relationships starts tettering on the line of casual. You've never seen a picture of him, you start to question his commitment to the relationship.
Word Count: 2k+
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
Part 2 is now posted! <3
You pack your bag up, putting away your notebooks and untangling your headphones. It was Friday and the entire class was bubbling with excitement for the weekend; You shared that feeling. It had been a really long week. Once the bell rang, everyone ran out so fast that the door was bottlenecking. You didn't bother getting up for a couple moments, knowing you'd have to wait to get out the door, anyway. 
"Thank you, Mrs. Cleverson. Hope you have a good weekend," you said, throwing your backpack over your shoulders.
"Oh Y|N, I'm glad I caught you. I wanted to give you this flier from the teacher's lounge. There is a chess competition this weekend for students K-12. I think you have a really good shot at winning. The prize is 200 dollars cash and a trophy. No harm in trying, right?" She said handing you the paper. 
"Thanks, I'll let you know how it goes on Monday," you said, walking towards the now empty doorway. 
"Good luck!" she called out to you as you walked out.
You put on your coat, it was late November in New York and the cold was intense. You put one of your headphones in and start walking towards the subway. You were excited to get home and tell your friend Donnie about the chess competition. You met on Chess.com as mutuals and your friendship grew from there. One of the main reasons you liked him was because he preferred to talk on the phone rather than text back and forth. Not only that, he was really smart and was extremely good at communicating. He was easy to talk to, it was nice to talk with a guy and not have your feelings shot down or mansplained back to you. 
You've been talking with him for 8 months now, and maybe you were miss reading him but he seemed to be into you. Always getting quiet when you talk about boys flirting with you at your work. Insinuating that he wishes he could have been there for you in a time of need or a bad day. You would try to avoid thinking too deeply about it by telling yourself he was just being friendly. You did have reservations about getting as close as you have with Donnie. You'd never seen a picture of him or talked to him over facetime/video chat. This is obviously a red flag for multiple reasons. He always said he was insecure and didn't like showing his face to people on the internet. That was understandable enough but as time progressed you grew sick of that logic. 
You walked down the concrete stairs, making your way to the subway. It was only a 15 minute ride from the stop closest to your school and your apartment. You pulled your phone out and texted Donnie, letting him know you'll be home in 20 minutes and asking if they could talk on the phone for a bit. He immediately texted you back agreeing. The station wasn't too packed and was filled mostly with other students. You got a text from your mother saying she was going to be working late which was typical. After getting off the subway and walking the 5 minutes home, you throw a couple of frozen hot wings into the oven. 
You get into your bedroom and set your backpack down next to your desk. You grab your chair and plop yourself down before whirling our computer up. You pulled your knees to your chest and opened Discord. You smiled seeing that he tried to call you once already. 
"Hey Donnie," you said once you saw that he was on call. 
"Hi Y|N, how was school?" he asked. 
"Boring, glad it's over," you said. 
"You say that almost everyday," he said. 
"Consistent honesty," you said laughing before continuing, "guess what?" you asked rhetorically. 
"hmm?" He said. 
"There is a Chess competition tomorrow, 200 dollars cash for the winner. Obviously I'm gonna be there but what about you?" you asked, picking at a hangnail.
"I would love to be there and watch you dominate but I can't," he said.
"But why? I know you told me that you value your privacy but.. I don't know. I thought we were starting to get serious and I really want to meet you face to face," you said, trying hard to keep a neutral tone. 
"I know, I do think we're serious. I care about you so much, you know that. My dad is strict and although he allows me to be online we had an agreement that I would remain anonymous," he said. 
"So even when we start dating you're going to be anonymous?" you said, he didn't respond for a while. 
"I guess I didn't realize how serious you were about us. I'll try and talk to my dad and see what he says," Donnie said, sounding rather somber.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be aggressive about it," you said. 
"No it's okay. You're just expressing your emotions about the situation. You have valid points, same as I. I'm gonna try and get permission," he said, he didn't sound mad but more defeated. 
"I'm not mad at you but I gotta go, my brother has been trying to get on the computer for the last 45 minutes. I'll text you?" he asked. 
"Yeah, maybe we can talk again later tonight?" you asked.
"For sure," he said; you spent the next couple hours worried if you had pushed a little too hard. Saying how you felt so bluntly didn't make you feel better the way you thought it would. 
~
Donatello logged off and turned off the computer. He was completely beside himself, he knew that he was setting you up for disappointment; if his father found out he was on the internet in such a deep way, he would lose his mind. So of course there was no possible way to ask his father to go out for something other than a mission, let alone for a girl. He walked into the living room where his brothers were fighting for the remote. Donnie chuckled to himself, knowing the last time they did this the remote broke. 
The fighting stopped immediately as Splinter walked in holding four pizzas. Everyone including Donnie sat down at the table to eat. It was a long day of training so everyone was pretty hungry. Mikey was going on and on about how 'his girlfriend' aka Ice Spice was dropping a new music video today. Splinter rolled his eyes as he took his first bite of his five cheese pizza. Leo and Raph were telling everyone about a new martial art move they recently mastered. Donnie didn't have much of an appetite, he was beside himself. It was frustrating that things couldn't be simpler, he loved his family but it's hard being cooped up all the time. 
They never talked about anything outside the sewer, martial arts, crime ect. He sometimes imagined them, old and shriveled trying to eat pizza with no teeth. What would they do after Splinter dies? There was so much unknown about the future and now with Y|N it made him think about it so much more. He was worried that once she saw him, she would be scared and run away. It was a type of rejection would break him, especially because he cared so deeply about Y|N. He made up an excuse that he wasn't feeling well and went to bed early. 
~
You took a hot shower after talking with Donnie, it helped take some of the stiffness out of your body. Honestly, you feel a lot better when you remind yourself that he validated your feelings. Knowing that he understood where you were coming from. You turned the water off and wrapped the soft brown towel around yourself. You walk back to your room and sit on the floor directly in front of your closet door mirror. After plugging in your blow dryer you began the long process of fully drying your entire head. The contest started at 12pm tomorrow so you wanted to make sure your hair was done the night before. 
Donnie told you he wasn't feeling well and that he was going to be early. He said he was going to make an effort to be there but you didn't want to get your hopes up for nothing. Your mom came in and kissed you on the top of your head when she got home from work. This made you feel a bit better. Once you finish your hair, you lay in bed. Scrolling mindlessly until drifting off to sleep. 
The next morning you woke up and immediately started getting ready for the Chess Competition. You really tried not to get your hopes over Donnie coming but, as you did your hair and make-up it was all you could think about. It made you feel stressed knowing that if he did show up, you both would be seeing each other for the first time. You wanted to look good but it did worry that it would make male competitors take you less seriously. After a while you just stopped caring about what other people might think. 
Your mom ended up dropping you off at the competition, it was hosted at your school. You walked into the quad and there were only about 12 other people there. This was a good thing in your case because you knew it would only help your chances of winning. After signing up and getting your name tag, you sat down next to a group of peers who were waiting for the matches to start. None of them were talking, just staring at their phones. You did the same, texting Donnie to ask if he was coming or not. You didn't know what he looked like but you figured if he was one of the people you were sitting with, he would approach you. Especially because he had seen pictures of you. 
Once the first match began you didn't have time to think about Donnie. You were more concerned with the aspect of winning at this point. It wasn't super late but because it was winter the sun was fully set by 4:15. All the competitors had a lunch break towards the end, which you used to call Donnie a couple of times with no answer. It really bothered you that he didn't even reach out to say he couldn't make it. That was not super normal for him, you expected more. 
Those feelings of grief were short lived once you won the competition. You were really happy, excited to tell your mom and Mrs.Cleverson. Once everyone headed out, the high you got from winning began to fade. You had left 7 messages throughout the day and he never responded to any of them. On top of that, your mom was working late so you had to take the subway home. You throw your coat on and make your way outside. It was snowing slightly, which meant it was going to be a long way home. You checked your phone again texting Donnie that you were frustrated about him not being honest.
Immediately after you started your trek, you felt uneasy. There was a guy following you for the past couple blocks. You know he was intentionally stalking because you kept making random turns or crossing the street to head in the opposite direction you were coming from. You cut through an alley thinking you were getting away however another guy was walking towards you from the other end. When you turned around, the original man was blocking your way which caused both men to break out in laughter. You tried to run but one of the men grabbed you by your arm. You were scared out of your mind, trying to think of your next move. 
Suddenly you hear a loud banging sound and feel the ground shake a bit. All three of you look up and see a monster of a man. At least 6 '7 or 6' 8; not only did this person have height but an enormous build, like if a body builder could take as many steroids as they wanted without side effects. The predators immediately ran the other direction, you didn't both look back at them. Your eyes were settled on this person, they weren't moving closer to you. 
"Are you okay?" the mystery person asked. Your brain immediately recognized the voice from the daily phone calls from the past 8 months. 
"Donatello?" You asked, walking closer to him. 
"Yeah, I don't even know what to say. I'm really-" you interrupted him by running up and embracing him in a tight hug. He dropped his staff and wrapped his arms around you, trying not to crush you.
"Thank you for being here," you said crying into his arms, taking in what could have happened if he wasn't there. He ended up making sure you got home safely, as you warned him about the 12 thousand questions you had for him.
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a love story for our times
They met online. I know. I know. How could they not have realized? I ask myself that almost every day. But I digress. This is how the story goes. They met online. He was almost as desperate as Her. Actually, He was not nearly as desperate as Her. She was miserable. He was an addict. She’d never done this before. He did it every day. See the disconnect? She was searching for meaning. He was searching for the next high. I guess they were both miserable. He, a retired New York State chess champion of 2016. She, a retired genius, teacher’s pet, and goody two-shoes. Both tired of the expectations. Both looking for the fun they’d been missing in childhoods consisting of work. Both willing to lie to themselves that they wanted each other. So her mouth said “yes” while her mind said “no!” when he asked if she was “down.” And she lay there, like a log, regret washing over her like the waves she knew she could be feeling but were missing. She wanted to fly. She wanted desperately to fly. To feel alive again, but this was not the way. She knew that. He could have known that, had his mind not been so clouded by the drugs. He kicked Her out so He could have a bedtime smoke. At least He paid. For the Uber, that is. Nothing else. Just the car. The drive home was quiet, just like Her mind. No thoughts entered, no thoughts escaped. They simply sat, rotting in Her head. The next day, They both rotted in their beds. One remembered the night before: every minute, every motion, every word. The Other only remembers Her name. She would never cry about it, about knowing he didn’t care. She’d only cry over the things he said to her. The things she’ll never forget, words that wil stick with her for as long as she lives. Because, yes, she lives. And so does He. Rather close to each other. And they still have each other’s addresses. So maybe they’ll meet again. Who knows? They surely don’t…know each other, that is. I digress. The point is: what can you expect when they met online?
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deepdeanvsweston · 20 days
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Something silly <3
Online games the detectives would play if they were bored:
Daisy
- she plays ALL of Wordle's spinoffs like Dordle, Quordle, Sedecordle etc. but for some reason NEVER Wordle the og game
- sometimes she gets the whole dorm involved, and they call out words, most of which she deems entirely unhelpful
- likes playing online chess with George except he always wins much to her dismay so she's taken to texting him in the middle of the night saying "your move" and hoping to catch him out. George, sleepy but too stubborn to back down from a challenge from Daisy, plays. And loses
Alex
- snake CHAMPION. In a particular mind-numbing lesson with a supply teacher who had no control over them, he had all of his classmates crowded round his screen cheering him on as he was in his thousands on Snake
- also he likes to play fireboy and water girl. If Alex cajoles George enough he can get him to play too
- loves the Google Doodle games
Hazel
- loves those candy crush-esque games, except not actually candy crush she plays the MSN version off bing as it's the only game she's allowed to play on the school laptops
- really competitive with this one game, and goes into an unusually super focused mode
- also gets excited whenever there's a Google Doodle that's a game (loved the halloween cat)
- finds sudoku very calming because it all HAS to fit together perfectly, there's no errors at the end
George
- likes playing online chess with Daisy as he (nearly) always wins. Likes it less when she texts him at 3 in the morning
- LOVES card games and always playing solitaire in every lesson. Likes to time himself and see how fast he can do it, especially if it's like 2 minutes before the bell rings or something like that
- finds sudoku very calming like Hazel
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angelizs · 2 years
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[Would it be enough? - Azul Ashengrotto]
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Summary: He felt pathetic. He was sitting on the floor trying not to hyperventilate, desperately bitting back tears and gripping on the edges of his dignity. Azul was pathetic, and he was not enough for you.
Notes: gn!reader, unrequited love, angst, hurt no comfort, yes I like to make Azul suffer, some self deprecating thoughts too, oh the pains of unreciprocated love
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It all started when you entered the board games club.
Azul would forever curse that day, the day you entered in his life and changed it forever. He'd curse and cry to whatever cruel entity watching over him for ever putting you in his path like that. But, at the same time, should he have been given the chance, he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Even if he had to re-do it all over, the one thing he would never change would be that day, the day the sun shined on him for a few moments and took his breath away.
It might be a foolish, sentimental feeling, something he was not used to, so out of character for him. But he couldn't bear to imagine how different his life would be without that day on it, committed to his memory, imprinted on his soul.
You were new and bright and warm, so different from everyone else he's ever met, be it from the land or from the sea. It must be because you weren't from Twisted Wonderland at all, but from a whole another world. Azul has never and will never meet anyone like you. He's not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, it simply is the truth.
Idia had decided to not go on that day, something or other about an important event he couldn't miss on one of his online games. The club didn't have anyone else besides them, so Azul would have skipped as well should he have been warned sooner. As he was already at the reserved classroom, he saw no point in moving, taking it as a break from work. He spread himself at the teacher's chair, feet coming up to rest at the desk, undoing some of his blazer's buttons and taking his hat off, messing his hair with his hands. He put his arms behind his head and let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes in fatigue, glasses sliding down his nose.
When the door opened, taking him by surprise, Azul was not prepared to greet you. He was not the image he presents to the public, not a refined businessman, not the top student of his grade, not Octavinelle's feared housewarden. No, he was simply Azul, such a vulnerable side to show as a first impression, no masks or pretentiousness.
You entered, both in the classroom and in his life, a little shy at first, eyes scanning the room before landing on his form, as he fumbled to recompose himself on the teacher's chair. If it were anyone else, he'd have been mortified and expected teasing at best, blackmail at worst. You did none, surprising him even more. You only smiled, brighter than a pearl, and asked him if that was the board game club room, so innocently, not batting an eye at his ruffled state.
He cleared his throat and tried to appear professional, even if he knew it wouldn't matter much for you anymore, but for his own comfort. You took a chair and put right in front of his desk, excitedly telling him you'd like to join.
The next hour could be described as casual for most people, but Azul wasn't most people and he did not do casual. When you spent a whole hour playing chess with him, listening to him as he talked about the club and, eventually, about Night Raven College itself, your full attention on him and only him, Azul felt like he never had before.
There was something about you. Something that made Azul's tongue roll on itself when he wanted to speak, something that made his heart beat concerningly faster, something that made his hands clammy and shaky when they moved his pieces, something that made his cheeks feel warmer around you.
And oh, you were beautiful. Radiant, even, with a smile of gold and warm eyes. You must have been a siren, for your voice fished his heart so easily, made him feel like he was floating on the calmer waves, the salty scent that felt so much like home lulling him into a sense of security. Azul wanted you to keep making him feel like that, he wanted to keep hearing your voice and keep looking into your eyes, he wanted the electrifying touch of your skin as your hands would accidently touch his, he wanted the comfort of your knees resting against each other.
It was not love, of that he was certain, since he had only just met you. Azul was not sentimental, that wasn't what this was about at all. Perhaps it was more like... infatuation. Perhaps Azul simply wanted to chase the feeling of being wanted for who he is, without pretenses or his usual barriers. Perhaps he liked the feeling of being on top of the world, something only you could provide him.
No matter. It was not love and Azul would not go after you. In fact, he would make sure to keep his distance, least those troublesome feelings get stronger. 
And stronger they did get, because he couldn't avoid you. Your alluring song always brought him back to you, like a sailor infatuated with the sea's wonders, he'd always go back. There was no way to avoid you, not when you came back the next week for the club meeting, and the next, and the next, and the next. There was no way to avoid you, not when you were so kind to him, not when you treated him so different from what he was used to, not when you took his cunning side in stride and didn't get scared of him, didn't try to distance yourself. (Not when you treated him so much like a person, an equal, someone worth of your time). There was no way to avoid you, not when you would send him text messages to take care of himself and check on him at late hours to tell him to stop working and take a break, not when you would visit him at Mostro Lounge and invite him to sit with you at a table to simply spend time together. 
There was no way to resist you, Azul was but a fish caught in your hook, completly at your mercy. You either didn't notice or didn't care, content with the way things were. But Azul did, he noticed and he wanted and he ached. There was a hole in his heart, molded perfectly for you to fit right in. It would be so easy for you slide to his side and click, fitting like puzzle pieces. Azul could accommodate to your needs, he could change the way he did things to spend more time with you, he could use his hard earned money to buy whatever you wanted, he could praise you for how long you wanted him to, never running out of things to say.
But here's the thing: Azul was not enough. You were content with being his friend, and only that. No money or praise would be able to change your mind, because Azul himself was not enough, never enough. 
You deserved someone nicer, someone who would take good care of you, someone that could spend time with you and protect you and think of you above everything else. Someone that could give you the world. Someone that wasn't Azul.
It happened like this:
The little booth at the corner of the restaurant was warm. Not because that's how the air conditioner had set it to be, but because you were there with him. The chill of the undersea atmosphere couldn't reach the little world the two of you shared. He listened to you as you spoke about your day, what mischief your friends had gotten into and the new book you had been studying.
It happened like this:
There was something on your mind, Azul could tell. There was some restlessness in you, your eyes would wander around the lounge every once in a while, as if looking for something (or someone), your hands were agitated in their moviments, you were more thirsty than usual, you would derail your line of thought and get lost in your head for a few seconds, as if considering something before discarting it, or perhaps as if gathering up your courage to say something.
It happened like this:
Worried you were hurt or having trouble with someone, Azul gently asked what was on your mind. He saw your hesitation before you sighed, but you trusted him. Other people would know better than to open themselves up to the Octavinelle housewarden and give him any information for him to leverage, but you trusted him. Azul would do his best to help, even as a pit grew in his stomach and his senses screamed at him that something was wrong, because you trusted him, and he would never break that precious trust.
His heart cracked like this:
You confessed shyly, a little smile playing at the corner of your lips and your eyes avoiding his, gazing into the distance as if looking at someone else. Your fingers danced with each other and your head tilted to the side as you sighed, so full of emotion. It was an endearing scene, anyone would be lucky to get to see that lovesick expression in your face. Azul didn't feel lucky. No, in fact, he felt very unlucky. In another situation, he'd have given anything to hear you say those things, to have the chance of seeing you like that, flustered and giddy.
But here's the thing: Azul is not enough. Because it's not him you're thinking about when your lips curl like that, it's not him you're thinking about when your eyes soften like that, it's not him you're thinking about when your heart beats faster. 
And there's nothing Azul can do against it, because you weren't in love with some complete random person, so far from him he couldn't even recognize their name. It might have been easier to take, should that have been the case. No, you had fallen for the closest possible person next to him, his vice housewarden. Jade Leech was the one in your mind as you ate besides Azul.
His heart broke like this:
The little booth wasn't warm anymore. It was impossibly cold, colder than his home under the sea. The chill settled on his bones, made a home on his lungs as his chest caved in. Your little bubble had burst, the world was no longer only shared between yourselves. Azul felt his heart dropping, he felt like throwing up. His hands shook and he stared and stared and stared. You had never looked so beautiful and so far away. You were glowing, but it wasn't at him.
He could only stare as you talked in rushed whispers, not wanting to let the truth out, not wanting anyone to overhear. He could only stare as you jumped in surprise and flushed as Jade suddenly appeared by your side to check if you wanted to order anything else. He could only stare as Jade smiled softly and teased you, you bantering right back at him, so full of affection and so naturally that the two of you just... clicked. 
Azul hurriedly excused himself, murmuring an unconvincing excuse to leave the two of you alone and far away from him. He locked himself in his office and slid down the door, biting his lips and pressing the back of his palm to his eyelids, trying to rein his tears in.
He felt pathetic. He was sitting on the floor trying not to hyperventilate, desperately bitting back tears and gripping on the edges of his dignity. Azul was pathetic, and he was not enough for you. He was no longer the little boy he used to he, he did not need to hide in an octopot, but he wanted to. He wanted the easy comfort, he wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, he wanted to be left alone and to have you by his side at the same time.
He had always known. You have never tricked him, your feelings were clear. You liked Azul as your dear friend, your confidant, and that was the end of it. And Azul loved you and loved you and ached for you, as you fell for someone else. He was merely playing pretend for as long as he could, trying to stay blissifuly unaware of what was happening right in front ot him, as his two closest friends fell in love and left him behind.
When had that happened? When had you grown fond of each other? When had Jade won your heart over? When had Azul stopped being enough for you?
Has he ever been enough at all?
The floor had no sympathy for him or his sorrows. The vacant office mocked him, showing his life long accomplishments, everything he fought tooth and nail for. Was it worth it? He had what he had always wanted, didn't he? So why did his chest feel so empty, so dull, why did his heart ache so much?
Time passed by, but he gave it no mind. No one knocked at his door, most likely because the twins noticed he wanted to be left alone, and left alone he was. He broke down, a pathetic sight of a pathetic man, and he pulled himself together, drying his tears and fixing his clothes. He had to keep his image, at the very least, otherwise what else would he have left going for him?
Azul did what he does best. He pretended. He pretended everything was alright, that nothing had changed, that he was fine.
The one thing he didn't have to pretend was that he was happy for you. Of course he was, seeing you so excited about your crush was heart warming. But it was also heart crushing, to have what he's yearned for at his fingertips and letting it slip away. He'd stay happy for you, even as his feelings ate him alive and his heart screamed and kicked and sobbed that it was supposed to be him. Not Jade, but him.
Here's the thing: Azul is not enough, but Jade is. Jade is, and Azul will make everything in his power to make sure it stays that way, so that your heart won't break, not like his did.
It's a few days after that Azul pulls Jade to his office to talk.
He didn't want to talk, he wanted to scream at him, wanted to cry about how unfair it was, but he had more composure than that, he knew better. It wasn't Jade's fault you had fallen for him, just like it wasn't Jade's fault that Azul was not enough. And Azul knows Jade, he knows him like he knows himself, he knows Jade will be able to treat you right if that soft smile he reserved for you was any indicative. Yes, Jade could be vicious and decieving, he could lure you in only to break you, he could outsiren the siren. But he wouldn't. He wouldn't, because Jade was just as infatuated with you as you were with him. No, not infatuated. In love with you. 
The thought left a bitter taste in Azul's mouth. He was terrible and selfish, he wanted you to himself, he wanted you to look at him with that loving gaze, not Jade, but him. He'd swallow the feeling down for your happiness, for you.
"You wanted to see me?" Jade inquired politely as he entered, closing the door behind him.
The air felt tense. His stuffed little office made him seen so close. Azul held the scream in.
"Yes, I wanted to talk to you about the prefect."
"Oh? What about?" There was a glint in his eyes at your mere mention. Azul clenched his fists, his short nails biting into his skin to help him gather his strength, not back out on this. He had made up his mind.
"Your feelings."
"My... feelings? I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." 
Jade, of course, wouldn't reveal his hand so easily. He could deny it all he wanted, his body spoke for itself. The way he became more alert, he leaned in slightly, his eyes widened just a fraction. It was proof of their years of partnership that Azul could notice all of this in the first place. Jade obviously liked you back, and Azul wasn't in the mood for his mind games.
"You like the prefect. Don't bother with denial, it's quite obvious." 
"Oh? I'm obvious now? How funny, I could swear I've seen you swooning over the prefect before." 
He was having fun with him, the bastard. Jade was perfectly aware of his feelings, just as attuned to him as Azul was, wanting him to take the bait. It was entertaining to taunt him, perhaps, or he wanted to see if Azul would try to talk him out of it and leave himself to try his chance with you. He might have if he thought he had a chance to being with, but that wasn't the case.
"Cut it out, I'm not trying to compete. Quite the contrary, in fact. Jade, I want you to take the prefect out on a date."
There, he had said it. He was almost sure there was blood on his tongue with how much it hurt to get those words out.
For once, Jade looked surprised, genuinely taken aback. Not his carefully constructed mask of shock, but his true reaction. Azul tried to feel the usual satisfaction that would follow such a thing, but he could only feel bitter.
"My my, that wasn't what I was expecting at all. How come, Azul?"
"The prefect likes you back, simple as that."
He couldn't, was physically unable to, hold back his heartache at that. His feelings came stumbling down each word, it was obvious. But he'd do it for your happiness, he would beg Jade to treat you well and with the utmost care, he would dig his own grave and lie in it.
Not that he would have to. At these words, Jade perkep up instantly. Nothing anyone else would have noticed, but Azul did. Of course Azul did, Jade was his closest friend. And he was about to let him have you all for himself. 
"What makes you think that?"
Jade had to know, had to know the way you looked at him with stars in your eyes, had to know the way you giggled and joked with him, had to know the way you liked to stay as close as possible. He had to.
"It's just as obvious as your feelings. So, do me a favor. Please, Jade." His voice breaks. Azul feels something inside him breaking alongside it.
Jade's eyes soften, an equal mix of pity and elation, and isn't it a funny sight? Who wouldn't be euphoric to know they hold your affection? Azul knows he would, Sevens, how much he would, how much he wishes that was the case.
"I understand. Thank you, Azul. I'll make sure we will have a most pleasant time together."
With a corteous bow, Jade leaves him to his misery. Azul could imagine it all, Jade's own cooking as you ate with him on a dinner illuminated by candlelight, your laughter as you slow danced in the dark afterwards, the stars shining bright above you and giving their blessings. How your lips would be so soft as you press it against his.
He grabs his hair in frustation, his chest feels ready to combust, Azul is a ball of jealousy and self pity and he's not enough.
Being your friend would have to suffice. He couldn't bear to lose you from his life, so that would suffice. Keeping you close, but never too much. Having your attention, but never all of it. Staying by your side, even if you're not by his.
Digging his cracked chest bones into his lungs, breaking and breaking the pieces left of his heart, waiting for his throat to be rasped raw, until his tears dry and he dehydrates. Until the sea runs dry and the land gets flooded, until the sun combusts and the moon implodes. Azul will stay by your side, of course he will.
Even if he has to watch you holding Jade's hand oh so tenderly, asking him to bend down a little for you to kiss his cheek. Even if his insides burn at the scene. Even if he only ever gets to stare at your back all day. Once your smile shines again, he can't bring himself to regret it.
He'll curse the day he met you, but by the Sevens, he wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. As long as he gets to watch you being happy, from afar, he'll be satisfied. He'll focus on his work and his studies and anything else to keep himself busy, but a single message from you will be enough to break his concentration and capture his attention.
You'll always be enough for him, more than enough. No matter how many years pass, Azul will keep loving you, even if he's still not enough.
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chaoticillness · 1 year
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Proms and Pawns
»»————- 🎞 ————-««
Featuring: modern au! Diluc, gn! reader
Warnings: None. Yoimiya says ass /j
Director’s Cut: I haven’t written in so long I forgot my own damn formatting lol. Anyway, sorry if you don’t like chess because it is sort of a plot point on this one. Enjoy my first oneshot!
»»————- 🎞 ————-««
Proms are kind of overrated, in your opinion.
Honestly, why do people make such big deals about the mediocre music and weird food? It’s some high school ritual or something. Passing your eyes over the couples on the dancefloor, you spy Yoimiya, bustling around checking on decorations and volunteers and whatever else student council members do. She shoots a look in your direction that obviously says, “I will deal with you in a minute.”
After aggressively retaping the streamers to the wall, she makes good on her silent promise and marches over to you.
“You look like you’ve suddenly been told that you have to go clean out the school dumpsters. What is up with you?”
“Yoi, c’mon. Proms are boring,” you sighed. “I don’t even have a good date.”
“Oh, says the one who rejected the guy who asked them.“ she retorts. “He was nice!”
“He was desperate,” you deadpanned.
As you and Yoimiya move toward the food table (mediocre, but better than watching random people be horribly lovey-dovey), she whips her head around and stage-whispers, “Look at him.”
You glance in the direction she’s looking. It’s a guy sitting, very awkwardly, in one of the plastic chairs the council stole from the teacher’s lounge. It’s been moved from the tables covered in plastic tablecloths to the side of the room, and he’s got the look you imagine was on your face about ten minutes ago. Absolute boredom. “What about him?”
“Go talk to him, babe! Maybe you’ll hit it off,” she says. “Obviously you’re both miserable, so…”
“I’m wounded, Yoi,” you jest. “But fine.” Diverging from your route to the cupcakes, you stride over to the guy and pull another chair from the nearby empty table.
“Hey, what’s with the long face? Another prom hater?”
He spares you a look and says, “Brother dragged me here.” Taking a better look at him, he does look like an annoyed brother. He’s obviously not particularly comfortable in the suit, and his red hair is up in what you think was once a ponytail. It’s a surprisingly attractive look. Maybe you’re into the whole tall, dark and handsome thing after all.
“Right. Uh, so, what do you like to do?” This is horribly awkward. You are absolutely going to get Yoimiya for this tomorrow, you swear.
“I like to play chess.”
Okay. Okay, this might be redeemable after all. You can play chess with the hot guy. Suppressing a quip about weird hobbies, you ask, “Do you have that online chess app on your phone?” He nods, and a few minutes later you’re bested in a checkmate. Apparently you are not as good at chess as you thought.
A bit away, sitting at the council table in the corner, Yoimiya cracks the biggest smirk of her life.
“Prom is boring, my ass.”
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german-enthusiast · 1 year
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Hi :) I hope you are well.
I am learning German and was wondering if I could get some audio book recommendations on Spotify ? I enjoy historical fiction, the classics and weird surrealist literature. My favorite book in English is a tale for the time being by Ruth Ozeki I also liked that book called Perfume but I have forgotten the authors name. I would also like any tv or movie recommendations too if possible :)
Thank you !
Hi!!
I've only JUST reinstalled Tumblr and I'm so glad I saw your ask!
(I'll give short summaries of reccs and links in a list later in the post!)
Surrealist lit and classics? have i got the book for you!
Die Verwandlung von Franz Kafka (Eng: The Metamorphosis) professionally recorded on Spotify.
It might be a tough one, being classics and from 1915, but the text should be available online to read along!
Once you've finished that, I suggest reading (the english) Haruki Murakami's "Samsa in love," a short story based on Die Verwandlung!! (available online!)
Other surrealist classics could be "Der Steppenwolf" (Hermann Hesse) and "Der goldene Topf" (E.T.A. Hoffman) - both of which were works analyzed in the Abitur (german highschool graduation exams) and thus might be especially tough, but on the flip side there's thousands of German resources about the books online!
"Der Goldene Topf" is on Spotify, Steppenwolf doesn't seem to be...
However! As you progress (idk your level but classics tend to be difficult even for natives), you might come to appreciate Reclam (a german publisher) with a focus on classics (known for their small yellow books)) and, great news, they publish professional recording of German classics on Spotify!
In terms of classics, here's my favorite: Stefan Zweig, a german author especially famous for his short stories. One of them, Schachnovelle, is on Spotify by Reclam here!
To be honest, Schachnovelle is a favorite because they made it a movie a couple years ago and it is SO. FREAKING. GOOD. (bad news: incredibly different from the original story but in a way you get two great stories under one name so I'm not complaining!) on the OTHER hand, I just found out that there's an audiobook of the book of the movie on Spotify, so you can also listen to that and then watch the movie (or vice versa)
TV or Movie reccs: if you can, get Netflix and a VPN! with the vpn you should be able to make Netflix think you're in Germany and there is barely a show/movie on German Netflix that isn't dubbed (or at the very least subbed) - really, we dub everything (and it's not bad either most of the time!!)
Besides that, our "öffentlich rechtliche" (the publicly owned) channels have got "Mediatheken" (basically Netflix for their shows) and you can watch most that is published on those channels in TV here (ARD, ZDF,...) on there (often with subtitles! (i should make a post about this, damn!)
Here some german movie/TV reccs on Netflix: Fack you Göthe 1&2&3, (T)Raumschiffsurprise, Petterson and Findus, Mord mit Aussicht, der Tatortreiniger
(Reminder that most shows/movies you already know and love on Netflix will probably be dubbed in Germany! AND that in Netflix in a browser, one can browse by language!)
List of reccomendations & links:
Die Verwandlung (Franz Kafka) - man wakes up in body of a bug (link)
Der Steppenwolf (Herman Hesse) - man thinks two wolfes live inside him
Der goldene Topf (E.T.A. Hoffmann) - man falls in love with a snake who is the daughter of a magician who is a lizard or something? (link)
Die Schachnovelle (Stefan Zweig) (movie version) - austrian notary is arrested by the nazis because he has access to money of noble families, he's put in a hotelroom and deprived of mental stimulus to make him crack but he discovers chess to keep himself sane (link)
Reclam Spotify (link)
On Netflix:
Fack you Göthe - criminal poses as a teacher to get access to the basement of a school where his loot is hidden, teacher-student bonding, Eylas M'Barek (actor) national treasure
(T)Raumschiff Surprise - parody of Star Trek, really funny (maybe moreso to natives), at times a bit problematic because it's from 2004; Germans LOVE it
Petterson and Findus - old man with his cat. cute. nordic. cozy.
Mord mit Aussicht - policewoman from Cologne is relocated to a little rural town (she's a city person, yknow?), little town shenanigans, murder and cute bonding ensues (maybe quite german humor?)
Der Tatortreiniger - a man who cleans up crime scenes for a living. Each episode is him cleaning a different crime scene until a person comes around and starts talking to him (about their life, his job, ...) (similar to MmA, has got the same actor, similar humor)
ARD Mediathek: (link) https://www.ardmediathek.de/
recc: Sendung mit der Maus !!! (a show for kids with both little stories and explaining how the world works, a classic for all german kids, was aired sunday mornings and part of the sunday ritual for many!)
ZDF Mediathek (link) https://www.zdf.de/
I couldn't find non-classics on Spotify that fit your type but should I find some in the future I'll message you and maybe someone else has some reccs!!
Hope this helps!
And I really reccomend the Mediatheken!!!
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mntds · 4 months
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Very funny Genre Of Guy is incredibly intelligent, super touch-grass coded people who also just happen to be terminally online. My history teacher has a whole ass phd in medieval studies and is a chess grandmaster but he still spent a solid chunk of our lesson today explaining some random Twitter beef he got into.
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My headcanons for what the BBC Ghosts would do today
I saw a post about how it is quite silly that Kitty of all people is the most interested in gore-related things but it got me thinking.
Kitty: I think she would be a medical student or perhaps a photographer of crime scenes.
Fanny: Obviously a professor of mathematics since we learned that she really enjoyed it.
The Captain: He seems like he would be a historian at a museum or at a historical site because he seems to be quite interested in history, more than other ghosts. He's a bird-watcher for fun.
Mary: Home-economics teacher.
Humphrey: He gives off the vibe of being a coffee shop barista who is also part of a improv group. "Mr. Cheese" anyone?
Robin: He is either a chess Grandmaster or is one of those forest rangers that live in the middle of some random national park. I couldn't decide; the man contains multitudes.
Thomas: A white rapper. He writes his own stuff, some of the bars he writes are really good, but a lot of it is just pretentious. Often promotes his music online. Had one good song and is riding on that high.
Pat: Other than a scoutmaster, I could envision him being a therapist for both children and adults since he has that helpful and kind nature.
Julian: Car salesman. yeah.
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spitegeous-azzburn · 11 months
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12.06.2023
ok im writing this from work bc it’s already late and im bored. (tough being a secretary lol)
today is valentine’s day in brazil. only one of my friends actually has a valentine, so we just heard her talking abt it for a second and that was it. none of us care
this morning our english teacher let us take popcorn to class because we were going to watch a movie!! and since my sweet popcorns are really famous around my friends and family, i made some and shared it (not with the whole class)
it was a really boring movie about an orphan during Industrial England, and once i found out the title of the movie and searched it online, me and my friends stopped paying attention. (in our defence, nobody was. not even the teacher)
during break time, me and my friends played chess outside the school’s new library. the break only lasts for 15 min so we only had time for one match.
then in chemistry class we had a practical class (finally)!! i love going to the lab. its a bit messy but i feel intelligent (dont judge me)
they changed the lights in my workplace. it used to be a white light, but now there’s two yellow ones, and even tho i admit they’re aesthetic, they only give me more desire to sleep. I CRAVE MY BED CAN I PLEASE GO HOME
only half an hour for my shift to end. i can take it i can take it i can take it i can
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eliteprepsat · 2 months
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Most universities are not particularly interested in students who approach college as the 13th grade—just the next step on a path laid out for them by their parents since before they were born. They instead seek out students who demonstrate passion and curiosity, especially about their chosen field of study.
In your college applications, it’s important that you demonstrate your interests (not just state what they are, but show them at work in your life) and that those interests inform your prospective major. You can and should demonstrate your interests in your college essays, your activities lists, and even in your transcripts.
Here are some specific tips on how to prove you’re invested in your intended major:
1. TAKE AP, IB, AND HONORS COURSES IN THAT FIELD
If your high school offers advanced courses in a field you’re passionate about, take those courses. Honors, AP, and IB credits demonstrate that you’ve devoted ample time and energy to a given field.
I would also recommend approaching advanced classes from the opposite direction. If you’re like most high school students, you’re not yet sure what you want to major in or what your academic interests are. Take advanced classes in subjects that you perform well in. You might find that these courses create entirely new interests for you that weren’t there before.
Throughout high school and college, you will likely develop new passions and a deeper understanding of what you love. Advanced courses are one of the ways in which you can discover what those passions might be.
2. JOIN A STUDENT ORGANIZATION … OR START YOUR OWN
Interested in computer science? Join a coding club at your school. Or, if none exists, create one. If you’re interested in something—whether it be coding, poetry, chess, or pottery—chances are there are other students at your school who are interested, too.
You can demonstrate passion for a field or cause by joining an organization on campus and working your way up the ranks to, say, secretary or even president. You can also demonstrate initiative and leadership by starting an organization of your own.
Not sure where to start? Ask a counselor or teacher at your school about how you might get something new off the ground. With the right support, you can develop your interests and set yourself up for a strong college application.
3. JOIN A CLUB AND VOLUNTEER
You can also look beyond the walls of your school for club and volunteer opportunities. Join a mystery book club or a Spanish conversation club at your local library branch. Volunteer as an elementary school assistant at your local school district. There are so many possibilities that you can find with just a quick Google search.
4. TAKE FREE ONLINE CLASSES
There are a ton of free online courses on subjects ranging from psychology to political philosophy, from computer science to principles of accounting.
You can find courses on the iTunes U app, many of which include syllabi and course readings alongside lectures. There’s a drove of Massive Open Online Courses available, many of which will even provide a certificate for completing the course. MIT hosts a wide range of free courses online, such as this Introduction to Computer Science and Programming in Python.
Many of these free online courses are offered by prestigious universities and taught by some of the most renowned faculty in their respective fields. By completing one of these courses, you can get a head start on university-level work and develop a new or existing passion.
5. CONTACT AN EXPERT
Do you live near a university? If so, reach out to faculty members to ask if they might be interested in your volunteering as a lab or research assistant, or even if you could stop by just to ask them some questions during their office hours. You might receive no response from a number of professors, but you would be surprised by how many would be more than happy to at least discuss what they do and why.
Along the same lines, if you’re passionate about business, reach out to local business owners. You might even find opportunities for employment. At the very least, you’ll gain vital insights into the kind of work you might want to do in college and beyond.
6. READ, WATCH, AND LISTEN ON YOUR OWN
Subscribe to The New Yorker, or The Economist, or Wired, or any number of magazines focused on literature and culture, or economics, or technology, or whatever it is you want to major in. Watch documentaries. Listen to podcasts. Finding media that will fuel your passion and leave you informed has never been easier.
The kind of knowledge you can gain from reading, watching, and listening first-hand cannot be matched by second-hand commentary. No visit to Sparknotes, or advice from your uncle, or other kind of second-hand knowledge can stand in for the real thing. Hearing or reading about the thing is no match for hearing or reading or doing the thing itself.
With a novel in your hand or even a computer science course on your screen, don’t just be a passive consumer—take notes not only on the content, but your reactions to it. What makes you excited? What leaves you confused? What gets you frustrated?
By staying engaged in a field of study, you shouldn’t only learn new information. You should also learn a lot about yourself.
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thinkinginfiguresof8 · 9 months
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Autumn 2023
Part 3: Studies
Study like Spencer Hastings when she was on speed, right? I want to stay on top of my schoolwork and what’s more - figure out which bachelor I want to take eventually.
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I’ll keep pretty notes, do my assignments as soon as I get them.
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It is dark academia fall time. Black long sleeves, chess, coffee, red wine etc. Studying at cute cafés alone and with friends is a good idea, also libraries.
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Look nice for class, the online-class too; eyeliner, mascara, hair done, lipgloss, study-like outfits etc.
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A goal of mine is to dare to ask questions to the teachers because my social anxiety has always made it hard for me to do so.
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babydolly444 · 3 months
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intro post
hi, this is my tc blog, but i also post other stuff on here. this blog is sort of an online diary for me. i also post sometimes about books and films.
DNI: p0rn accounts, old men, racists, homophobes, etc
content warning: i may sometimes vent about ed related stuff on here, but i’m not promoting it.
about me
call me “anya”
i don’t use my real name on here
18 years old
senior in high school
i intend to study physics and acting when im in college
not sharing where im going for college, since it's very small
i write a lot, mainly poetry
i like to read, and i have a decently large collection of books
i do theatre
i like film
about him
i call him “S” on this blog
he’s 29
i never had him as a teacher, we met under other circumstances
we met at the beginning of this year and we gradually started to become closer
he teaches history and economics
he’s currently in grad school getting his masters in counseling
he coaches track, and runs quite often
he reads quite a lot
enjoys philosophy
plays chess (and is quite good)
he does NOT own a blu-ray or DVD player (wtf???)
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chronos-advice · 2 years
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Advice Column 1 -
Things I wish I did in high school (for the kids who want to go to college)
Spent my time. I rushed through high school to finish when I was 16 because I hated school and just wanted to start my career. I ended up getting a horrible GPA, worse SAT scores, changed majors 3 times before settling for a two year degree, did absolutely nothing with it, couldn’t get hired anywhere, and I missed out on all the memories that are only made once in anyones life; in high school.
Got at least a 3.0 GPA. I still got into two different universities with a 2.5 GPA, but my options were very limited. If you want to go to a university with specifics (staying close to family, has certain degree programs, certain activities, etc.), aim for at least a 3.0 GPA. Or, at least have schools in mind & know their requirements.
Taught myself. High school doesn’t teach you what you need to know, it teaches you what they think you need to know. I didn’t know the difference between a bachelors & a masters or undergrad vs graduate until my first semester of being an undergraduate.. know everything about how the university system works or else you might go wild with anxiety when the time comes. Besides that, teach yourself things you want to learn that you can’t learn at school. Explore all kinds of different subjects and know what your interests are. It will make choosing a major a whole lot easier.
Volunteered. Start your resume. Having a job is okay, but honestly, it’s not required (resume speaking, not actual life speaking). Having experience in customer service and sales roles is awesome to put on a resume, but don’t get trapped in that industry if you don’t want to be in it forever. There are tons of volunteer opportunities for many different realms of things, remotely and locally. Find some that you might be interested in and go for it. Most don’t require many hours of your time per week/month and some can even turn into an internship or apprenticeship if you’re lucky. When you are in college or newly graduated, it will be hard finding a career-type role if you don’t have a lot of spicy things to put on your resume or if you only have experience listed in an industry other than the one you’re applying to.
Sports & extracurriculars. This could’ve made college a whole lot cheaper for me. Not only will schools lower or completely remove your tuition if you’re good at sports or arts, tons of sports & art scholarships are available. Some scholarships are even made for clubs; ex chess club scholarship. Play a sport, an instrument, make some art, photography, be on yearbook, student council (maybe?), theater, even… plus it adds to the experience points.
Networked. Start a LinkedIn or something. Add your classmates, teachers, bosses, people you volunteer with.. whoever. Ask for recommendation letters from respected people; teachers, religious leaders, bosses… Just keep some people in your professional circle.
Didn’t fall in love. I had big plans to go to UNLV & become a big time financial advisor for a casino. I never got to go. I fell in love with an abvser & gave up my dreams for it. And now I’m an adult, going back to college for sociology so I can help other abvse victims. If both people in a relationship aren’t mature enough, the relationship or the college dream will surely parish. Maybe it’s pessimism, but I watched it happen to many people I went to school with besides myself. Have fun & love people, but don’t fall -in- love, in high school.
The bare minimum. I wish I did the bare minimum. I took 7 classes, 2 online and no lunch to finish early. I still got a 2.5 GPA, I didn’t walk the stage either, because I didn’t know anybody, nobody would’ve known my name when it was called anyways. It’s high school, it’s not that serious, trust me. It seems serious, but it’s not. Do the bare minimum and h a v e f u n. Keep your GPA at 3.0, listen in class and cheat when you need to, listen to podcasts when you’re doing other things, volunteer, have an extracurricular if you can & want to….. and that’s really it. That’s the show. Besides SAT & ACT, you don’t have to take much of high school so seriously to get into a decent college.
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setagaya-division · 1 year
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Elliot's Thoughts on Edogawa Division
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Yuriko Kuromiya
"I'll admit... when I first met Yuriko-san, something about her scared me a bit. In fact, I'm still a bit cautious around her. I met her when Mina, Yorii and I decided to head to Kanra-chan's house to study for upcoming exams. Yuriko-san seemed nice enough, but... I don't know, behind her smile, I could tell she was dangerous. Still, she didn't seem so bad. She made us all some snacks and drinks to help us study. She's a nice person and a good mother... but she's definitely someone I don't want to meet in a dark alley somewhere."
Kaoru Shinozaki
Elliot smiles at Kaoru's photo. "I actually met Kaoru-san before her mom and Kanra-chan. This may not be so surprising, but I love playing board games, like chess, Scrabble, shogi, Go, and a lot of others. I'm too nervous to meet people face-to-face, so I always play online. And Kaoru-san is usually the one I always play against. She's a really good player. Out of our 10 matches, she's got me 6-4. Still, it's always fun playing with her."
Kanra Akemi
"I'll admit, a part of me was always scared at approaching Kanra-chan. I've seen what she can do when she's mad, so I always just try to avoid her, or apologize when I'm bothering her cause I don't want to make her upset. It was only during the week before our exams that I actually spoke to her. The teacher had assigned me to be her study partner, but I was scared of approaching her by myself. I asked Mina and Yorii if they could come with me to her house. We were all awestruck by how massive it was!
"It was only during our study time that I found out just what kind of person she was. She's a really nice girl who just doesn't want to be bothered by mean people. Plus, it was nice finding out she's a cat owner. Her cat, Haku, was really nice! I was glad she wasn't freaked out by seeing me talk with her cat. In fact, I think she was kind of interested to know what we were talking about. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell her everything since Haku asked me not to tell." He gives a small chuckle.
Wicked Requiem
"Kanra-chan's got a really impressive family! I didn't know her sister was Kaoru-san. And her mom... like I said, she seems nice, but I can tell she can be scary when she has to be. I wonder... if more people knew who Kanra-chan's family was, would they be so quick to give her so many problems. ...Probably not. I mean, I'm friends and siblings with two of the most popular people at school, and I'm still bullied nonstop." Elliot gives a small sigh, before looking back up.
"But anyway, I really like Kanra-chan's team! And it's good that she's entering the tournament with her family, kinda like me. I hope we both do our best against each other."
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