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study-coffee-chicago · 3 years

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Seasons of PD: Season 1: Lonnie Rodiger (A Jay Halstead + Halstead! Sister Imagine)

Any quotes from season one that I put in here, credit obviously goes to the writers of PD. For the sake of my story, Ben Corson was killed when he was 11 so you would've been 10.

Trigger warning for mentions of rape and murder.

Jay's age: 27

Your age: 13

Jay walked up the steps of the front porch of his childhood home. With how crazy gangs have become the past few weeks, it was hard for him to get a good night's sleep without his phone going off, let alone keep track of what day it was. So, when he walked into the district this morning and learned that it was the day of what would've been Ben Corson's fourteenth birthday, he was crushed. He'd learned how to deal with the pain because it wasn't his best friend, it was the little brother of his ex-girlfriend. But, he was your best friend and, despite the saying that time heals all wounds, this day was still hard on you. It was a bit better than when the night he was killed rolled around each year, but it was hard nonetheless. It was also hard because Jay had to see his dad, even if it was just for a few minutes.

"Hey, Jay. How's work?" Pat Halstead asked as his youngest son entered the house. He was seated in the recliner in the living room, catching the highlights of the Blackhawks game from last night.

"Please don't do that," Jay stated.

"Do what?" Pat asked as he muted the tv.

"Pretend like you care. Pretend like you were there for me when I was Y/N's age because we both know you weren't. Remember that fight I got--"

"Jay? Are we going to the Corsons?" you asked, popping into the living room and stopping your dad and Jay's conversation in its tracks.

"Uh, yeah, c'mon let's go," Jay faltered.

You smiled, but it was more of just tipping one side of your lips upward. Today was a day that didn't warrant full smiles, only half-smiles and maybe a few quiet giggles like when you, Jay, Gail, Danny, and occasionally Allie if she was home, told stories about yours and Ben's escapades when you were younger...when Ben was alive.

"Thanks. I made a card, too." You turned to your dad before you left. "Bye, Dad. See you tonight."

"Bye, don't let her eat too much cake, Jay," your dad replied.

"And just for that, you're getting two pieces," Jay whispered in your ear as soon as you were out on the front porch. You rolled your eyes. "Hey, don't use that teenage sass with me, missy."

"Shut up," you joked. "It's just funny because every time Dad tells you not to do something, you do it anyway. It's probably because it's more fun when you're not allowed to do it."

"Okay, fine, I guess you're right about that."

"Ha, you're wrong about something!"

"Technically, I wasn't wrong. I just said you were right. But, do not tell Will."

"No promises."

You walked up the porch steps and Jay rapped on the door of the Corson's. You took a deep breath, trying to forget the many afternoons after school that you'd do the same exact thing, impatiently waiting for Ben to emerge so that you could both play in the backyard together until one of you got called inside for dinner, not without promises to play with each other the next day.

"You okay?" Jay asked, noticing your change in demeanor from joking with him to solemn in a matter of seconds.

You shrugged, not knowing what to say.

"Jay, Y/N," Gail Corson said as she answered the door after you and Jay had each given her a hug.

You walked inside to the kitchen table, where Ben's dad, Danny, was just sitting, staring into space. "Hey, Danny," Jay said.

"Hi, Jay. Y/N," he replied.

You never knew what to say when it came to this day, so you just handed Danny the envelope. "I, uh, I made a card for Ben," you said. "I don't know if you want to open it and read it or just put it somewhere, I just--"

"I'll open it, sweetheart," Gail interrupted and then took the card from her husband.

You had made the card out of light blue construction paper and had used a navy blue pen to write in your best cursive handwriting, Happy 14th birthday, Ben!, since blue was Ben's favorite color. You hadn't known what else to write, because, what else could you write? Tell him what he was missing out on with being gone and cry so hard while making the card that that marker smudged and bled through the other side of the construction paper? No, you couldn't do that. So, you had resorted to printing out some pictures of you and Ben (some with you, Ben, Jay, Allie, and the occasional one with Will) on computer paper, cut them out, and glued them inside the card. You wanted the card to be filled with happy, funny memories, not sad, sappy writing.

Gail let out a sad laugh. "When was this one taken?"

You looked at the picture she was pointing at. It was a selfie no doubt taken on Allie's old flip phone. In it, Jay and Allie were making funny faces and you and Ben were both smiling proudly because of the work you had done.

Jay was supposed to be babysitting you and Allie was supposed to be babysitting Ben since your parents and his parents had gone out for dinner together. You both should have been in bed in your own separate houses since there was a rule about Allie and Jay not hanging out alone together at home when there were no parents around, but you had lost count of how many times they had broken that rule.

It was around 11 at night when Ben had woken you up with two black, Crayola markers in his hand and had told you that both Jay and Allie were asleep on the couch. So, as quiet as you could, you both tip-toed into the living room, uncapped your markers, and got to work.

You knew they had seen the trouble you two had gotten into when you heard running. You and Ben giggled to yourselves as you heard the water running from the bathroom.

Soon enough, Jay flung your door open. And, you guys just couldn't help yourselves and started to laugh even harder.

Then, to get you back, Jay had tickled you and Allie tickled Ben. Once you had all calmed down, Allie suggested that the four of you take a picture. And, the next time Allie and Ben came over when Jay was babysitting, he was sure to hide all the markers on the top shelf of his bookshelf in his bedroom where there was no way either of you would be able to find them, let alone reach them.

"So, you and Allie did hang out together with no parental supervision," Danny chirped. "Don't do stupid things like your brother here, Y/N."

"Hey," Jay started to defend himself. "We learned our lesson...to hide the markers."

"Do you remember when he got in trouble for pushing some kid on the playground, Gail?" Danny asked his wife.

"Oh, how could I forget that! I got a call from the school saying that Ben was in trouble and I knew on my way over there that he'd be grounded from the tv for weeks. But, then in the car on the ride home, he explained to me that some kid in his grade was telling Y/N she couldn't play with them since she was a grade below them. Then, he pushed him down and said that, yes, she could play."

"You never told me the full story of that, Y/N. What's this kid's name?" Jay asked.

"Jay, it was years ago! Give the overprotective big brother thing a rest, would you?"

"Would you kids like some cake?" Gail asked.

You swallowed. Chocolate on chocolate cake, Ben's favorite and yours. But, now on your birthday, you'd switched to marble just so that you wouldn't be reminded of how Ben would never see you on your birthday again.

Jay noticed your discomfort and how you probably didn't want to start bawling your eyes out just because you didn't want Gail and Danny to start crying, as well. Even though they'd probably done enough crying today as it was.

"Actually, we gotta run. I have to get Y/N home because she has homework to do and I have some police business to tend to," Jay answered, sensing your discomfort as the good detective he was.

"At least let me give you a slice to go," Gail suggested.

Abruptly, Danny stood up and shoved his chair under the table, and left the kitchen. You heard a door slam.

You widened your eyes for a split second and then quickly regained your composure. His son was dead and his killer was still on the loose; he had every right to lash out.

"This is always a tough day for him," Gail started. "He won't eat it. I just end up throwing it out."

Jay nodded. "Small slice." He turned to look at you. "And an even bigger slice for her."

Gail went over to a cupboard and pulled out two Tupperware containers and then two plastic forks from a drawer. Then, she cut two slices of cake and placed them inside the containers, handing you the one that contained the bigger slice.

"Thank you," you said.

"Yes, thank you," Jay agreed. "And, if there's anything either you or Danny need, please don't hesitate to call me."

Gail nodded and the two of you left the Corson's house, cake in hand.

"Happy birthday, Ben," you whispered when you were walking down the steps.

Then, when you got back to your house, Jay pulled out his keys and unlocked his car. "Hop in," he told you.

"Where are we going?" you asked. "I thought you had some police stuff to do?"

"You know how on Mom's birthday, we always go to the cemetery and plant flowers?" he asked. You nodded. That day was always full of crying despite how old you got. Hell, even Jay cried. It was one of the only times that he'd let his guard down and let his emotions take over in full force. "Look in the backseat."

There, sitting on the backseat on a towel so that dirt wouldn't get everywhere, was a carton full of Morning Glories. "Blue. Ben's favorite color."

"Yeah," Jay said, the volume of his voice almost a whisper. "We just have to make a quick pitstop first and then we'll go and plant them." You both buckled up and then Jay actually realized that he might have overlooked something. "You don't actually have a ton of homework to get done, do you?"

"No, even if I did, I wouldn't be able to focus on it." You took a bite of the birthday cake. "Does it get any easier?"

"Does what get any easier?" he asked, while still keeping his eyes on the road, his cake forgotten.

"You know, losing people. I know it'll be hard every year for Mom because she was our mom--"

"First of all, she's still our mom, Y/N. No one is going to replace her. Second of all, continue."

"Sorry, I know you got more time with her and knew her better than I did--"

"Listen, if you ever want to hear stories about Mom or Mom and Dad or anything like that, just ask me. I know you were just a kid, hell you are still just a kid, but you can always ask me about her. Always, okay?"

You nodded, feeling grateful that you at least had one brother who looked out for you. Lord knows Will didn't since he was barely home. You didn't hold a grudge against him or anything like Jay did, you just felt like he wasn't there. And, you knew that him not being there had hurt Jay, so it was hard for the three of you to all act like siblings when you felt like you'd need to jump in and stop a fight between your brothers at any moment. If it was just you and Will or just you and Jay, your relationship was great. But, when it was the three of you together, you could practically feel the tension between Will and Jay.

"So, does it get easier? Losing friends I mean. Like, when their birthdays come around or the day they died, does your heart feel like it isn't being ripped out of your chest every second of those days?"

You assumed that Jay had lost friends when he was overseas, which was why he came home from his second tour a year earlier than scheduled. That and your mom was sick.

"That's how you're feeling with Ben? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I knew you had your own stuff going on with being a detective and all and I know you think you know who did it and I don't want you going to prison."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. My job will never be more important than you." It might be more important than Will, he thought to himself. But, you didn't need to know that piece of information. "But, to answer your question, no it doesn't get any easier. I mean it kinda does, because the pain of losing them isn't as fresh as the years go by, but the day still sucks no matter how many years it's been."

"Then how do you deal with? When those days of the year roll around?"

"Distract yourself to try and forget. But, pretend I didn't tell you that. Go talk to someone instead."

"That's not what you do though, is it? Talk to someone?"

"Do as I say, kid. Do as I say, not as I do."

"Will you ever stop calling me kid? I'm thirteen, Jay!"

"Nope, in my head you're still that four-year-old with the Build-A-Bear."

He pulled the car up to the curb. You looked up as Jay put it in the park. "Why are we here?"

"Just, stay in the car, okay? I'm gonna be right outside, but I just have something I need to take care of."

"Okay."

You knew this house. You weren't going to tell Jay, but you walked past it every day when going to school because it was shorter than taking the route your parents had taught you to take. Jay was the one who actually taught you to take this route three years ago when he had walked you to school after Ben's death. But, he told you never to take this way to or from school when you were alone. But, seeing as it was five minutes faster and you were a teenager and cherished every second of sleep, you didn't listen and took this way every single school day.

Jay got out of the car and leaned up against it. Then, he opened his container of chocolate on chocolate birthday cake and began to eat it. You knew what he was doing. It was the reason he had taken this route to school with you. He told you it was because it was faster, but you knew it was because he wanted to tail Lonnie Rodiger...which you assumed was the reason why he didn't want you walking here alone. Because a pedophile lived here. Well, technically he wasn't a pedophile yet because he wasn't convicted, but you had heard enough conversations between Jay, Gail, and Danny when they all thought you were out of earshot to know that Lonnie was the one who killed your childhood best friend.

You saw Lonnie peak out through the curtains of one of the windows. And, if it weren't for Jay's water bottle that was sitting in the cupholder that you quickly took a swig of, you would've choked on your bite of cake.

A patrol car pulled up across the street and a uniformed cop came out. It was the same kind of uniform that Jay had been wearing the night you ran over to the Corson's house when it became a crime scene. You quickly wiped the few tears away at the memory of that night. If Jay got arrested, you knew you'd have to go with him because you couldn't drive. And, you didn't want to be crying in the back of a cop car while Jay was trying to talk his way out of an arrest.

Jay resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course, they called the cops! Of course, they did! They'd call the cops and arrest him for harassing a pedophile and a killer, but they wouldn't arrest Lonnie for being a pedophile and a killer.

"Can I see your driver's license?" the patrolman asked.

Jay lifted his shirt, revealing his badge and gun. Despite being off duty, he had it. He always had it when he came around the Rodiger house. If Lonnie struck first, then he'd have him on assaulting an officer...and have an excuse to kill the son of a bitch. It would be in self-defense after all. He feared serious bodily harm.

But, of course, that wasn't going to happen, not today anyway.

"Halstead. Intelligence," Jay answered.

"This is harassment!" Phil Rodiger yelled as marched outside and pointed at Jay, Lonnie right behind him.

"Just eating some birthday cake," Jay said, poking the cake with his plastic fork. "Today would've been a birthday."

You felt your lip begin to tremble.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, you kept telling yourself.

But, it was no use. It was just those three words: would have been.

It would have been Ben's fourteenth birthday if he was still here and if he wasn't buried in the ground in the cemetery, a high collared shirt on to hide the strangulation marks that Lonnie gave him when he wrapped a rope around his neck and pulled, choking him to death.

If he were still here, he would've had a birthday party. It might have been small with only a few people. You might not even have been invited because you're in middle school and middle schoolers like to talk. And, maybe, if you had been invited, people would have said that he had a crush on you and teased him about it.

Maybe, the early stages of puberty would have hit Ben by now and he would have become what you deemed to be cute. Maybe, he would've had a crush on you and you would've had a crush on him if he was still around. But, he would forever be stuck in your head as your best friend, no romantic feelings whatsoever, since he only lived to be eleven years old.

"Arrest him!" Phil Rodiger yelled, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Get him out of here!"

This was it. Maybe the patrolman wouldn't notice you were in the car and you could sneak back home in a few minutes and call Erin, get her to talk to Voight about getting your brother out of lockup. (Yes, you had Erin's number because you needed questions answered that would make your dad and Jay uncomfortable. Even though Will was a doctor, there was no way you would ask him about girl stuff, even though you were pretty sure he had heard and seen it all in New York.)

"Sorry, pal," the patrolman said.

Okay, so you wouldn't be dragged into the back of a patrol car and also wouldn't have to help Jay beat a charge. Thank god your brother was a part of Chicago's famous Intelligence Unit.

You set your cake on the dashboard. You couldn't take it anymore. If Jay wasn't going to say it, you would.

Jay heard the passenger side door open and whipped his head around. "Y/N," he warned. "Get back in the car."

"He killed my best friend, Jay!" you yelled, tears running down your cheeks. "What do you want me to do? Sit in the car and watch him just get away with it?"

The patrolman's eyes grew wide. Seeing that made you realize what you had just said.

You just accused Lonnie of murder.

"Y/N!" Jay yelled. You looked up to see that he had thrown his cake on the ground. "Get back in the car!"

Okay, so Jay's scary when he's angry, noted.

You made your way around the car and into the passenger seat. Then, you just watched as Jay talked to the patrolman, trying to sort this all out.

You didn't mean to do it. It just came out.

You fucked up. Maybe you were going to be the one arrested this time. And, since you weren't a cop, there'd be no way to easily get out of those handcuffs.

You put your head in your hands and changed the radio station, trying your best to make sure you didn't hear the conversation between Jay and the patrolman.

Soon, the patrolman sped off. You were safe. But, Lonnie and Phil were still standing across the street, outside, watching Jay, watching you.

"Get outta here!" Phil yelled.

Jay was almost to the car when he turned around, rage painted on his freckled face. "Three years ago today, Lonnie! Three years! He would've been fourteen! Fourteen!"

"I'm gonna call my lawyer! I'm getting a restraining order!" Phil promised.

"Yeah? Well, I'm gonna give you a reason to need one someday! You and your sick-ass son!"

He slammed the door shut, but you didn't look at him, just kept your gaze on the world outside the passenger side. Jay turned the key and his car roared to life. You heard him sigh, but didn't say a word.

"Look, I'm sorry," he began as he started driving.

"So you get to confront him but when I try it's all get back in the car, Y/N?" you quoted his words from earlier using a mocking tone.

"Lonnie's fu- he's messed up in the head, okay? I don't want him to have any reason to come after you. We both know what he did to Ben and I wish we could nail him on that, but right now, with the evidence that there is, it just can't happen. I'm sorry, I just wanted to keep you safe. I couldn't live with myself if that psycho did anything to you."

"I guess you have a point."

"I always have a point."

Ten minutes later you pulled up to the cemetery. Jay grabbed the small bag of tools and you carried the flowers, not without being warned every thirty seconds not to tip them at all so that they didn't fall out. It was the same thing as when you'd plant them at your mom's grave: you'd always be the one to carry the flowers, but they'd always warn you to be careful with them and then say that you weren't carrying them next year...and then they'd forget they'd said that and the process would repeat itself.

"I'll dig up the first bit of dirt and then you can help me. The top part's always the hardest," Jay said once you had made it to Ben's grave and he started rummaging through the tools.

"Okay." You didn't know what else to say. You just stared at the headstone. You wished he'd just come back to as a ghost or spirit or something for a minute--literally just sixty seconds--so that he could tell you that Lonnie did it.

Twenty minutes later, you and Jay stood up and admired your work. There were flowers there already from the Corson family, but the blue gave even more color to the normally dismal place.

"I'm gonna go find a trash can," Jay said as he picked up the empty plastic pots that the flowers came in. "Give you some time alone."

You nodded, not knowing what to say. Even when Jay left you had no idea what to say. It had been three years, so you didn't feel like you needed to talk to Ben. After all, if he was in heaven, he was looking down on you and knew what was going on in your life, so there was no reason to tell him about it. And, he was a kid, so he had to have gone to heaven, right?

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

You heard thunder rumble from above, which drowned out the sound of your choked sobs. The grass beside you started to get wet from the drizzle that had just started, but by how many seconds there were between each clap of thunder, you knew a downpour was just a matter of minutes away.

So many things could have gone differently that night. If Ben had come over to your house to spend the night, he'd still be here. You knew you couldn't change anything. Hell, you didn't even talk about having a sleepover that night, that week, or even that weekend. And, the night he was murdered was a school night, so your dad wouldn't have let Ben spend the night anyway. There was nothing you could have done.

Despite how many years passed, you wondered if you wouldn't have fallen asleep so fast that night if you would have been able to hear screams and called 911 for help. Maybe he'd still be alive if you couldn't fall asleep that night. Maybe, if Jay was off-duty that day and if there was a Blackhawks game on that night, he would've come over and you would've insisted on staying up late and ended up falling asleep on the couch. But, because of Jay being very observant, maybe he would've seen something, heard something, or even just felt that something was very wrong and could've stopped it and arrested Lonnie before it ended tragically.

You felt something wrap around your arms and looked up to see that Jay was back. You felt goosebumps on your body and that's when you realized your hair was sopping wet and water was dripping down the side of your face and was soaking your jeans and shirt.

You heard the pitter-patter of raindrops hitting the large umbrella that Jay usually stowed in his trunk and pulled Jay's jean jacket that he just laid over your shoulders tighter around yourself.

He picked up his tools and turned to you. "You ready? Can't have you getting sick."

"How long have I just been crouched here?" you asked. You knew your thoughts sometimes got the best of you and before you knew it, an hour could've passed when your mind was focused on one subject.

"Until I thought you were going to freeze to death and get sick. And, it's only been about fifteen minutes. I ran to the bathroom and then grabbed the umbrella out of the car. You ready?" he repeated.

You wiped your eyes, not knowing if it was dried tears or dried raindrops on your cheeks. "Uh, yeah."

Jay picked up the bag of tools and you walked back to the car, the umbrella being big enough for both of you to fit underneath.

Once in the car, you slipped off Jay's jean jacket and tried to hand it back to him. "No, at least wear it until we get home. Dad'll kill me if he sees that you're sopping wet and then he'll think that I just left you out in the rain."

"Brother of the year." And, despite the circumstances, both of you laughed.

***

Math homework is due tomorrow...why does math have letters anyway? I'm never gonna need this in life. Snap out of it, Y/N. You can focus on that later. Just focus on the walk home. You have to be careful now since you're walking by their house.

You tried to turn your attention to the world ahead of you, or more accurately, the road and houses in front of you. You needed to be on high alert since you were about to walk past the Rodiger house. And, they saw you now...hopefully, they hadn't filed a restraining order against you, too. As far as you knew, it was just Jay, but you didn't need to have Jay get you out of trouble today.

Your eyes darted across the street to the house, while you tried to make sure you didn't cast your glance there too long as to be suspicious. It was Jay's job to be suspicious while walking past this house. It was your job to get to and from school safely when walking past this house. You'd leave the detective/spying/surveillance stuff to Jay.

You tried to focus on the road straight ahead of you, but it was no use when you saw movement out of the left side of your peripheral vision.

You turned and gasped. They turned too, and now you were frozen in place.

He widened his creepy eyes and stared back at you, like a deer caught in the headlights, like a criminal caught in the act because right now, that's what you assumed he was.

You felt your breath catch in your throat, neither of you breaking eye contact.

Then, you took off running. No way in hell were you telling your dad what just happened. One time he caught you walking home this way and said if he found out that you walked to or from school this way again that you'd be grounded for an undisclosed amount of time.

No one needed to know that you had just seen Lonnie Rodiger with duct tape and rope, the two things everyone assumed he had used to kill Ben Corson. No one needed to know. Just shut your mouth and don't tell anyone and everything would be fine. You would be fine.

***

Jay was sitting across from Antonio at Molly's, slowly sipping on the bit of whiskey left in his glass. "You knew the family?" Antonio asked him.

"He's the younger brother of a girl I dated in high school. Was Y/N's best friend, too. And his parents, Danny and Gail, they came to my graduation from the academy." When my dad wouldn't because he hates all my life choices. Probably hates me, too, Jay wanted to add but stopped himself. "I still see 'em on what would be Ben's birthday. Y/N comes too and god, you know what she asked me this year, Antonio?" Antonio shook his head. "She asked me if their birthdays or the day they died gets easier when it rolls around every year. She's thirteen! She shouldn't have to remember his birthday. Ben should be alive and Y/N should be seeing him on his birthday. But now all she probably remembers on his birthday is seeing his lifeless body lying in the grass...that's probably what she remembers." He took another sip of whiskey.

"Wait, you're saying your little sister saw the body at the crime scene?" Antonio asked.

"Uh, yeah. Me and my partner were first on scene. And...I see a shoe. I push the reeds back because Gail used to have this huge garden with really nice grass, reeds, flowers, other things. And, now she doesn't because it reminds her too much of that night.

"But uh, anyway, I pushed those reeds back..." He swallowed and tried to keep the tears at bay. He couldn't cry. Not in front of his mentor; not in front of the detective who got him into Intelligence in the first place, even if it was only because he caught a bullet in the process of trying to help Gabby and everyone's favorite after-shift hangout spot, Molly's. "And there he is. I still see his face."

Antonio took a swig of his beer. "How'd your sister find him?"

"My dad told me later that she had heard and seen the sirens and went to wake him up and then they came over to see what was going on. She was only nine, hell, she even had her teddy bear with her when they came outside. She was small and easy to miss. Before anyone could stop her...she, uh, she ducked under the crime scene tape and she saw him. I will never forget how she screamed out Ben's name.

"Then, I ran over to her and tried to block him from view, but you know as well as I do, Antonio, that seeing a body like that, well the damage is already done. So, then I just took her home and my partner explained the situation to my sergeant so that I didn't get in trouble for just leaving a crime scene. I never told her about the rape, just that he was dead. She probably put the pieces together that he was raped since she's gotten older, but I didn't heave the heart to tell her."

Antonio nodded. If he was in the same position as Jay was and Gabby was in your position, he knew he'd do the same exact thing. "I remember his dad alibied him out," Antonio stated. "But, they never had anything on Lonnie. Nothing?"

"No," Jay scoffed. "They caught him jerkin' it outside an elementary school a week prior to finding Ben. They found fucking kiddie porn on his computer. A-And secret pictures that he'd taken of Ben."

"You gotta be kidding me."

"Nuh-uh. We all knew Lonnie did it. But, you know, his dad lied." Jay shrugged. "And, uh, they got a good lawyer for that sick of a bitch."

Jay took a sip of his whiskey, blinking back tears. Antonio sighed and looked at the young detective. "Hey, be careful. You hear me?"

"I know, I just--" Jay was cut off by his phone ringing. He looked at it. Why's Dad calling at 11 o'clock at night? Why is Dad calling me at all?

He declined the call.

"Who was that?" Antonio asked.

"Not important. Anyway, I'll be care--" His phone started ringing again. "Dammit," he muttered and then pressed the answer icon. "Yeah?"

"J-Jay?"

"Y/N? What are you still doing up? Don't you have school tomorrow?"

"I didn't want to tell you because you and Dad always tell me not to walk there by myself, but I saw him and he saw me and I thought I'd be fine but now I can't sleep and--"

"Whoa, whoa. Take a breath, okay?"

You took a deep, shaky breath as few tears slipped down your face. You tried not to think about your encounter with Lonnie earlier today, but as you tried to sleep and the darkness took over the world, you couldn't stop your thoughts from running rampant. What if he was going to use that duct tape and rope on you now because he had seen you? Kill all the witnesses so that there wouldn't be a trial and he wouldn't get convicted?

"Now, tell me again what happened," Jay said calmly, all his cop instincts taking over and talking to as if you were a victim for the time being. "This time slower."

"I took the way home from school that you taught me to take and tell me to never take alone--"

"Y/N," Jay wiped a hand over his face. "Me and Dad told you not to go that way by yourself."

"I know, but I saw Lonnie and he had supplies and he saw me. I thought it was fine but now I can't sleep and--"

"Y/N," Jay started again. "Slow. Down. You saw Lonnie?"

At the mention of that name, Antonio looked up.

"Yeah," you answered, trying to slow your rate of speaking. "He had- he had rope and duct tape. And- and he saw me. I'm scared. I'm so scared, Jay. What if he comes after me now?" You covered your mouth with your hand to stop your dad from hearing your sobs. You assumed he was sleeping, and if he wasn't you hoped he didn't notice that you were on the phone. All he had to do was pick it up and see line in use and then you'd be in trouble for walking that way.

"Y/N, listen to me. I'm not gonna let that happen. I'm gonna leave Molly's right now and then be over there. Are you in your room?"

"Yeah."

"Is Dad still up?" Jay asked.

"I-I don't know."

"Okay, just stay put and I'll be there as soon as I can. And, we can explain it to Dad together, alright?"

"Okay. You promise you'll be here soon?"

"I promise. I'm leaving Molly's right now."

"Okay."

"I'm gonna hang up now."

"Okay, bye Jay."

Jay ended the call and started putting on his jacket. "What was that all about?" Antonio asked.

"Y/N took the fastest route home from school today, which goes by the Rodiger place. She said she saw Lonnie and he had duct tape and rope with him. He saw her, Antonio."

"Shit." Antonio pulled out his wallet and threw a few bills on the table. "I got it. I'll be right behind you."

"Thanks, man."

***

Jay slowly turned the key in the lock and opened the door, Antonio following him. "Dad?" Jay asked.

"Jay?" he answered from the living room, sounding as if he had just woken up from falling asleep in front of the tv. "What are you doing here?"

"I can explain if you wanna go check on Y/N, Jay," Antonio suggested.

"Yeah, yeah that'd be great. Thanks, man."

You heard knocking at your door, causing you to draw in a deep breath. "Y/N? Open up, it's Jay."

You set Beary down--yes when you were scared you still liked to have your Build-A-Bear in your hand because it gave you comfort--and then stood up from your bed to open the door.

"Jay." You launched yourself into his arms before he could even comprehend what was happening. "I'm so scared. What if he comes after me?"

Jay wrapped his arms around you and ran his hand up and down your back, just like he had done a few years ago when he had brought you back home after you had seen Ben's lifeless body lying in the grass. "Shhh, shhh it's okay. You're okay." Now he was most definitely using the tone he used when talking to child victims.

"What if he- what if he comes after me though, Jay?" you asked, soaking his shirt with tears of fright.

"Hey," he pulled away. "Look at me." You looked up at your older brother. "I will not let that happen. Ever. You understand me?" You nodded. "Now, how about you pack a bag, and then you can stay at my place until this all blows over."

"Why?"

Jay sighed. "Just, please do it."

You pulled out a peach-colored duffle from your closet.

"I'll be right downstairs if you need me."

He walked downstairs to see your dad still sitting on the living room couch with Antonio sitting in the chair across from him. "I'm taking Y/N to my place for a few days until this whole thing gets sorted out," Jay announced.

"She was walking that way because you taught her how to take it!" Pat Halstead bellowed as he stood up off the couch and pointed an accusing finger at his youngest son. "If you had never walked that way when you took her to school, then we would never be in this position!"

"We?" Jay asked rhetorically. "I don't recall Y/N telling me that you were with her when she saw that sick son of bitch walking home with his weapons of choice! It's Y/N that's in this position! Not me, not you, not us, Y/N."

"She's my daughter!"

"Yeah, I gathered that," Jay scoffed. "At least you care about her...unlike how you weren't there for me and Will. Or, if my memory serves me correctly, it was when I was in my early teens when you stopped caring. So, I expect in the next two years that you'll stop taking good care of Y/N and stop showing up to her games, like you did for me and Will. Oh, and you'll start questioning her life choices, just like you did almost every damn day to both me and Will."

"It's not my fault that you made a stupid decision with your life and Will decided to leave and waste all his money and to do what? To go to Sudan and then to New York?"

"There you go again, same old same old. You want us to be here, but whenever we are, we just end up fighting."

"Okay, okay," Antonio butted in. "How about we all take a breath and then talk about what's gonna happen next."

Jay took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. Your dad sat back down on the couch and crossed his arms in front of him.

"Good," Antonio began. "Y/N give you anything else about what she saw upstairs other than what she told you over the phone?"

"No," Jay answered. "She just told me that she's really scared that Lonnie's gonna come after her. Noting more about what she saw."

"Jay?" you asked as you poked your head into the living room, duffle bag slung over your shoulder. "I'm ready."

You said goodbye to your dad and then followed Jay to your car. He explained that Antonio was going to come to his apartment just for a little while so that they could discuss how they were going to proceed with the information you had given them. But, that you should go to sleep when you got to his apartment because it was a school night.

"Do I have to go to school tomorrow?" you whined as you set your bag down next to the couch...which would also be your bed until all this was cleared up.

"I know you're not going to get a lot of sleep, but yeah, as much as it sucks, you have to go to school tomorrow."

It was nearing 12:30 and you had to be up for school at 6:00 since school started before 7:30 in the morning. You'd be lucky if you managed five hours of sleep.

"Please, Jay," you begged. "My first two classes are just choir and gym, so I can miss those. And, I'm pretty sure if you called me in it'd count as an excused absence. Please?"

"Fine," Jay conceded. "But just because I think it's stupid how early school starts."

You heard a knock on the door. "Be right there, Antonio!" Jay said, trying to keep his yelling voice at somewhat of a normal level since people in the other apartments were sleeping.

"I'm gonna go grab a blanket," you told Jay.

You grabbed a blanket and threw it on the couch as Jay went to answer the door and let Antonio inside.

"Jay, I'm stealing one of your pillows," you told him as you entered his bedroom area.

"Actually, you can take my bed for tonight," he suggested.

You cocked an eyebrow at him. In all the nights you had spent at Jay's apartment in the past few years when your dad had to work late or went out, you had always slept on that couch. And, it was because it was actually comfortable. (Jay's reasoning was that he didn't want to get one of his nightmares that happened a handful of times per year and break his hand from hitting the coffee table in his sleep because he was thinking that it was an enemy because he thought he was back in Afghanistan. But, of course, you didn't know that.)

"It's just because I need to talk to Antonio and I don't need you having easy access to the conversation."

You nodded, tiredness overtaking you. "Alright." You yawned. "I'm going to bed. 'Night guys."

Jay and Antonio both said goodnight and then you walked into Jay's bedroom area and slid the sliding doors closed. During that time, the two detectives each took a seat at the kitchen table.

"We can put a patrol car out in front of Lonnie's house," Jay suggested.

"You know we can't do that," Antonio told him.

"Well, why not? You know he's gonna kill again!" Jay resisted the urge to slam his fist down on the table.

"You have no solid proof. I know you believe Y/N, and I do, too, but we don't have proof. If we had cam or pod footage, we might be able to do that. But, as far as we know, we don't have that. Nothing's been reported or called in. Hell, for all we know Lonnie's doing a DIY project."

"So get his credit card records and security footage from the store," Jay growled.

"You know as well as I do Halstead, that we can't do that without a warrant. And for a warrant, we're gonna need sufficient evidence. And, the word of your sister just isn't gonna cut it this time. Sorry, man."

Jay sighed and put his head in his hands, then looked back up at Antonio. "I just can't let him do it. I can't let him kill another kid."

"I know. Believe me, neither you nor me want that, but for now, we just need to wait until the right time. And you, need to get some sleep."

"I guess you're right. Maybe sleep would help me figure out how to solve this thing."

***

Jay had just dropped you off at school--he had called the school and excused your absences from your first two classes--and was walking out of a small coffee shop a few blocks away from the district when his phone rang.

"What do you got, Jin?" Jay asked. Benefits of working in Intelligence and having a tech guy for the unit: getting him to dig into things under the table.

"That Lonnie Rodiger credit card you wanted me to track," Jin started on the other end of the line, "Just got a hit from a toy store downtown."

"Text me the address."

A few seconds later, Jin had texted Jay the address and he jumped in his car and made his way into the heart of downtown Chicago.

Then, he sat in his car and stared at the store, waiting for the scrawny, creepy-ass pedophile slash murderer to make his way out of it.

When Lonnie walked out, Jay just stared at him. If he got made, so what? He was in his car. He could say he was doing surveillance for another case that he couldn't talk about right now because it was an open investigation. But, he wouldn't be able to blame surveillance of an ongoing investigation for strangling Lonnie to death, killing him the exact same way as he had killed Ben Corson three years ago.

Lonnie was carrying a bag full of what Jay assumed were toys. The toys, the rope, the duct tape, Lonnie was going to strike again. And, Jay had to act fast to ensure that another kid didn't get their life taken away just because this bastard had sick, twisted fantasies.

Jay was about to call Jin back, see what else he could pull up on him, anything that gave him an excuse to call Atwater and Burgess to arrest him. But, his phone rang.

"Go for Jay," he answered.

"Where you at?" Voight asked on the other end of the line. "I know you came in late because of your sister, but I need you now."

"I'm on my way in," he lied.

"Good. We're in Chinatown. I'll send you the address."

"Oh, Sarge?"

"Yes, Halstead?"

"Do you mind if I leave for a bit around 2:15ish? It's just, Y/N has a doctor's appointment and my dad's working and I don't want her taking the bus--"

"Jay," Voight interrupted, "Take your sister to her appointment. I'll just send the address of where we're gonna be if we aren't at the district. Just, keep your phone on."

"Thanks, Sarge."

Of course, that appointment was a lie; Jay just wanted to pick you up from school and then drop you off at his apartment while he went back to work so that you wouldn't be at home where Lonnie could find you. But, Jay had to push that out of his mind right now because he was on another case with his unit that needed solving, his side case on Lonnie Rodiger needed to be put on the backburner...at least for the next few hours.

***

"Lonnie Rodiger's credit card," Jin said as Jay entered the tech room.

"Yeah, I know, I'm working on a court order so I don't get my ass handed to me by Voight, I know," Jay replied.

"Okay...you deal with that. All I was gonna say was that another hit came up from his card at a Home Depot in Humboldt Park. He bought..." Jin clicked some keys on his computer until the list of things Lonnie purchased popped up. "A two-person tent, a kerosene lamp, and some bug spray. A rapist-murderer planning a camping trip? Not much you can get him on with just that."

"Any chance he purchased rope and duct tape?" Jay asked.

Jin scrolled through the list of items again. "Not that I see here. Why?"

"Not important. Thanks for the help, Jin."

Jay walked back into the bullpen, about to grab his jacket and head into the locker room when Voight emerged from his office at the same time. "Halstead, my office."

"I told you to let the Rodiger thing go months ago," Voight told Jay when the door was securely shut.

"I have...for the most part." I have...until my sister got involved and told me he bought duct tape and rope and now she's staying at my place so that I can protect her from that sick-ass son of a bitch.

"If you're not straight with me, I can't protect you."

"You? Protect me? I don't need protecting, Sarge, but thanks for the offer. I'll keep it in mind if I ever go off the rails and kill someone."

"Jay, listen to me! What the hell is going on with you? You got here later than usual today, which I know you said is because of your sister, but you look exhausted like you haven't slept in days. And don't think I didn't notice that you've been constantly checking your phone when we weren't out in the field."

Jay sighed. "I think Lonnie's gonna kill another kid."

"Jay, I know that kid's family was like your own. But, you gotta be careful. You've got eyes on you. And, it's not just me this time."

"Copy that." Then, Jay exited his sergeant's office, grabbed his jacket off his chair, and headed to the locker room. Damn, did he really want to go home after that conversation with his boss.

"You headin' to Molly's, Jay?" Adam asked as they grabbed their stuff from the locker room.

"Nah, man. I got some stuff I gotta take care of," Jay replied. "Maybe another night."

"If you say so."

***

You were sitting on the couch reading a book when you heard a knock at Jay's apartment door. "Y/N, it's Jay, open up."

You got up and unlocked the door, letting him into his own apartment. "Why didn't you just unlock it yourself? Or, did I get your only key?

"Nope, you got my spare. I have mine." He pulled his keyring out of the front pocket of his jeans and set it down on the counter. "Just didn't want to scare you is all."

"Thanks, greatly appreciated. What are you hiding behind your back? And what smells so good?" you asked, seeing as Jay hadn't moved his left hand from behind his back and was trying really hard to make sure you didn't see what was there. Even when he had walked inside the apartment from the hallway, he still somehow hid it behind his back and out of your view. And, the smell of greasy food was starting to waft around the apartment so you had a pretty good idea what he was hiding.

He pulled a takeout bag from behind his back. "I got us Arby's!"

"Really? Did you get me mozzarella sticks?" you asked trying to grab the bag from him, but he held it out of your reach.

Jay chuckled at your excitement. "Yes, I got you mozzarella sticks. Now, let me get this out of the bag and you can get the game set up?"

"Okay!" You sat on the couch and turned on the Blackhawks game that was going to start in five minutes. "It's ready!"

"Be right there!"

A minute later, Jay passed you a plate which contained an original roast beef and cheddar sandwich and of course, your precious mozzarella sticks and a few packs of Arby's and marinara sauce.

"Uh," Jay groaned as he lowered himself onto the couch.

"You're getting old," you laughed.

"I am not!" he protested.

"Yes, you are! Only old people sigh like that when they go to sit down!"

"Well, excuse me for having to chase psychos around the city for a living." You reached over and grabbed a few curly fries off his plate, hoping he was distracted enough by your old Jay comment that he didn't notice...he did. "Hey!"

"Oops." You squirted some Arby's sauce on your plate and dipped a curly fry in it. "Good." Jay just continued to stare at you. "Fine, here," you said as you handed him a mozzarella stick.

"You're not gonna offer me any marinara?"

You tossed him a pack. "Better?"

"Better." Both he and you turned your attention to the tv. "Remember, end of the second period, it's bedtime."

"Jay," you whined. "Please can I stay up and watch the entire game?"

"No, because I am not calling you in late tomorrow and getting to work later than usual because of it." Luckily today we didn't catch a case until around 10 o'clock this morning, so it didn't matter that I was late and tailing Lonnie anyway. "And, you're gonna be a grouch if you don't enough sleep."

"Jay! I am not grouchy!"

"Yes, Y/N, you are! Whoa, a fight!" And while your attention was quickly focused on the tv, Jay stole some of his curly fries back.

***

Jay walked into the district the next morning to be met with Erin and Alvin. "Did you guys catch the game last night?" he asked them as he slipped off his jacket and slung it over his desk chair. "Eighteen seconds into overtime, Kane scores a backhander. Guy's on fire this season."

Despite Jay telling you that you needed to go to bed after the end of the second period, the game was so good that he let you stay up to watch it all...the one caveat being that you had to get up in the morning with no complaint. And, you didn't complain one single time even though you almost fell asleep with your toothbrush hanging out of your mouth when you were getting ready this morning.

Neither Erin nor Alvin had said anything, they just stared at Jay with worried looks on both their faces. "What's with you two?" Jay furrowed his eyebrows and walked closer to them.

"Halstead," Voight said after he opened his office door.

Jay's eyes widened. Shit, what'd I do now?

"Commander," Jay said as he saw Commander Perry standing in Voight's office. So, even when I'm a grown man, there's still a version of the principal's office. Who knew? Except, this principal controls my job...which means he controls my money. Whatever he thinks I did, it wasn't me.

"Halstead. Have a seat," Commander Perry told the detective.

"I'll stand." Jay placed his hands on his hips.

"Okay then. Where were you last night after shift?"

"Home. Why?"

"So, you're telling me you didn't go out at all last night?"

"I started to drive home from work, but then I turned around because I thought my little sister might want Arby's for dinner. If you want to count a drive-thru as going out, then yes I went out."

"And after that?" Commander Perry prodded.

"Me and my sister watched the Hawks game and I was in bed by midnight."

Commander Perry picked up some black and white photos that were taken from traffic cam footage and held them out to Jay, pointing at specific a specific car. "This was taken last night, right as you pulled into that Arby's. That's Rodiger and that's you, right behind him."

"Okay, so I happened to be getting my takeout behind a pedophile. Maybe he just wanted some curly fries, Lord knows Y/N did when she stole some of mine last night."

"Halstead!" Voight barked. "This isn't a laughing matter! Now shut up and listen!"

Jay clasped his hands behind his back.

"Well, Detective, your alleged pedophile was found dead this morning."

"What?"

"So until this is straightened out, I suggest you find a better excuse than just watching a hockey game and eating fries with your impressionable little sister. Until then, you are officially stripped. Expect a call from Internal Affairs. They'll want to interview you as soon as possible."

"You mean they'll want to interrogate me as soon as possible."

"Jay!" Voight's voice boomed off the walls of the small office.

"I'm the one who wanted to stop that freak! And now I'm the target? Unbelievable!"

Jay flung open the door and was about to storm out when the Commander stopped him. "Halstead!"

"What? I tried to save my sister from this psycho because she saw him buy duct tape and rope and he knows that she saw him! So, excuse me for trying to make sure that my sister stays safe and doesn't end up like Ben Corson!"

"Y/N saw something?" Voight asked. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you."

"I told Antonio, but that's only because we were at Molly's when Y/N called me freaking out. And that's why she's staying with me because Lonnie knows where we live and I didn't want to get a call saying that my sister was murdered and--"

"Halstead, if that's the truth then this isn't just based on your word. We have a witness now. So, I'll talk to Detective Dawson and you go pick up your sister from school. We need her here for questioning. But, you are still stripped until we get this all sorted out."

***

"Can you please send Y/N Halstead to the office please?" the office secretary's voice came over your classroom intercom. "She'll be leaving for the rest of the day."

You furrowed your eyebrows. Leaving for the rest of the day? What? The last time you had to leave for the rest of the day unexpectedly was when your mom died.

"I'll send her down," your teacher replied.

"Alright, thank you." Then, she turned to you. "I'll have your missed work ready for you on Monday, Y/N, and I can email the other teachers you have today that you'll be missing their classes as well if you'd like?"

"That'd be great. Thank you."

"Have a great weekend, Y/N."

"Thank you. You too."

Then, you grabbed your books and made your way to your locker. Once you put everything you needed into your backpack, you made your way to the office. At least you were missing math and science class...you hated both of those subjects. Will got the brains when it came to those two.

But, your relief was short-lived when you saw Kim Burgess and Kevin Atwater standing in the office. You frantically pulled the door open. "Did something happen to Jay? Is he okay? Did he get hurt?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Kim quickly reassured you. "We just need to bring you down to the district is all."

"Why?" you asked, drawing out the word.

"It's better if your brother and Voight explain this to you. But, you are not in any trouble, Jay's not in any trouble, and he's fine," Kevin answered.

"Okay..."

They quickly signed you out and the three of you made your way to the parking lot where their squad car was parked. "Ever been in a patrol car, Y/N?" Kevin asked.

"No," you answered, opening the door to the backseat and throwing your backpack in.

"Well, today's your lucky day. We'll even let you control the music." The three of you got in and Kevin turned on the car and started fiddling with the controls on the radio. "Just tell me to stop when you hear a song you like."

***

"Jay!" you yelled as you ran up the stairs to Intelligence, your backpack bouncing up and down with every step you took. Jay walked out of the break room. You ran to him, narrowly missing Commander Perry. "What's going on? I didn't know I'd need to leave school and then Kim and Kevin came to pick me up and I thought you might be hurt but they said you weren't and--"

"Whoa, whoa," Jay cut you off. "Y/N, slow down. I'm okay. Everything's okay. Voight and Commander Perry here just need to ask you a couple of questions."

"But, I didn't do anything wrong."

"You're not in trouble, kid," Voight said. "Like your brother said, we just need to ask you a few questions and Jay will be with you the whole time."

Since neither Jay nor Voight could get ahold of your dad to get permission to talk to you, they had allowed Jay to sign off on it. And, since you were a minor, the person who signed that paperwork had to be in the room with you the entire time they were talking to you.

"You hungry?" Commander Perry asked as you sat down and Jay stood behind you. "You can grab a snack from the vending machine before we start if you'd like."

It was only 9:00 am. "No thank you," you replied. "I had breakfast a few hours ago and I'm still full from that. Thank you, though."

"You're welcome." He and Voight sat down across from you. "Now, you're probably wondering why you're here," Commander Perry started. "Your brother mentioned that you saw Lonnie Rodiger buy rope and duct tape?"

Your eyes widened and you drew in a breath. "Is he after me? Did he try and break into mine and Dad's house, Jay, because he was looking for me?"

"No, it's nothing like that," the commander interjected before you got worked up even more. "We just wanted to ask you what you saw is all."

You looked to Jay and he nodded, giving you the go-ahead to tell the two men what you had seen when you were walking home from school a few days ago. So, you did just that. You told them about walking home from school and seeing Lonnie with rope and duct tape and him seeing you.

"And you told your brother this?" Commander Perry asked.

"Uh, yeah, I wasn't going to tell him because I didn't want him to freak out or anything, but he always told me that if I saw anything off with Lonnie to tell him. And, I couldn't sleep that night, so I called him really late and he and Antonio came over."

"And what happened next?"

"Jay said that he wanted me to stay at his house until this all blew over because Lonnie saw me. He saw me. And, he knows where I live."

"So, Jay was trying to keep you safe?"

You nodded. "He's even been picking me up from school because he doesn't want me going home--to mine and my dad's place that is--to wait for him to pick me up after he's done with work. He's worried about me."

"Did he do anything else? Take you anywhere in the two days you've been staying with him?"

"No, nowhere other than school."

"Do anything fun?"

"He brought home Arby's last night and he let me stay up late and finish the Blackhawks game! Dad never lets me do that! And, they even won in overtime! And, I stole some of his curly fries."

"Do you know if he left last night after you went to bed?" Commander Perry asked.

"No, he didn't."

"And how can you be so sure about that? You were sleeping weren't you?"

Jay clenched his fists at his sides. You were a kid and this wasn't a trial, it was just getting a statement from you, not putting you on the witness stand.

"Jay never leaves me when he watches me at night. Never has and probably never will. Even when his girlfriend called when he watched me when I was little, he'd either make her come over to our house or would tell her that he was playing with me."

Voight chuckled at how you were spilling bits and pieces of Jay's life before he became a cop and entered his unit. He knew that Jay would never tell him these things, so it was funny hearing how protective and soft the big-shot detective of one of the most elite units of Chicago was with his little sister.

"Okay, thank you," Commander Perry said. "Do you know why we're asking you these questions?"

You shook your head, no.

"Halstead, you want to explain this. We'll butt in if needed," he said. He didn't know how much you knew about this alleged pedophile and murderer, so he figured it would be best to hand Jay the lead on the explanation portion.

Jay sat down in the chair next to you. "Y/N, you're not in trouble. I promise you that."

"You already told me that," you pointed out.

"I know, but I wanted to tell you again."

You furrowed your eyebrows and cocked your head to the side. "Then, why are they asking me questions about Lonnie and about you? Did he kill someone again? Like he did to Ben?"

Jay swallowed. He wasn't about to tell you the details of how someone murdered Lonnie Rodiger. Despite knowing the details of Ben's murder, you didn't need more gruesome pictures of murder in your teenage mind. "Um, Lonnie was found dead last night."

"And they think you did it, don't they?"

Jay's jaw dropped, all his years of being a stone-faced Army ranger and detective flying out the window as you quickly put the pieces together of why you were being talked to by his sergeant and commander. "What? How- Why would you assume that?"

"Dad's not good with turning his Law and Order down when he watches it at night so sometimes when I can't fall asleep, I'll listen to it and I'll hear the interrogation or trial scenes." You shrugged. Then, you turned your attention to Sergeant Voight and Commander Perry. "If you think my brother did it, I can tell you that he didn't because he was home with me all night. I even woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and he was asleep on the couch with his mouth open and he was drooling." You scrunched up your nose in disgust at Jay's sleeping position last night.

"Alright, Sergeant, your unit can investigate this one. But, Halstead, not that I don't believe your sister, but you're still stripped until this gets all sorted out. Go home."

Jay nodded. "C'mon, Y/N. We can go grab lunch or something."

Jay ushered you out of the break room and you grabbed your backpack. "Halstead, what's going on?" Antonio asked, catching you and Jay on your way down the stairs.

"Just, give this case hell for me, Antonio, will you?"

***

"Is it wrong?" you asked Jay when you were driving away from the district. "That I'm glad Lonnie's dead that is?"

Jay sighed. "Listen, I know we shouldn't be glad about someone being dead, but in all honesty, kid, I'm glad he's dead, too."

"Because the world's a safer place?"

"Yeah." And because justice was served for the Corson family, but I'm not gonna talk to my little sister about killing someone for justice...I don't need her to turn into the female version of Hank Voight in twenty years.

"So, were you and Mouse glad when you killed the bad guys over in Afghanistan?"

Oh no, no, no, no, no. I am not about to have this conversation with her. I'm not about to have this conversation with anyone for that matter, much less with my very impressionable, middle-schooler, little sister. "What do you want for lunch? Mcdonalds? Burger King? Wendy's? Pizza Hut?"

"You never answered my question," you told him.

"And you never answered mine. So, what do you want for lunch?"

"Hmmm...I really like the chicken alfredo from Pizza Hut, so can we go there?"

"Pizza Hut it is."

"What are you gonna get? Wait, lemme guess...meat lover's pizza?"

"And, you would be correct."

You arrived at Pizza Hut, which was only half a block away from the Corson's. And, since it was also so close to your school, some high school seniors would come here for lunch...not that you had an open campus at school, but they'd dip out for lunch and then get back unnoticed before their next class. You wondered if you'd be brave enough to do that in high school. You didn't know and you had a few more years until you got to that grade anyway.

"Hey Detective Halstead," a woman greeted Jay.

"Oh, hey Rachelle," Jay said as you both walked up to the counter at Pizza Hut. "How's school going?"

"It's going great actually. And who's this?" she asked, motioning to you.

"This is my little sister, Y/N. Y/N, this is one of my best CIs, Rachelle."

"You're a CI? That's so cool! So you help my brother solve cases? He never tells me about anything he does, so what do you help him with?"

Jay placed a hand on your shoulder. "That's confidential information, kiddo. And don't go blabbing about her being a CI either, because she could get in trouble."

"Got it. She's just someone I know from coming here so much. I have no idea what you're talking about, Jay."

Jay laughed. "Alright, what can I get started for you two?" Rachelle asked.

"Actually, since you're here, I have a quick question for you."

"Okay, let's go around back," she replied, thinking he was going to ask her if she knew anything that might help them with a case.

"No, it's nothing like that. I was just wondering if you'd watch Y/N for a bit while I go run a quick errand? It'd be for twenty, thirty minutes tops."

She looked around the restaurant, it was practically empty. "Yeah, no problem. I can keep an eye on her."

"Awesome thanks. And, uh, she'll have the chicken alfredo and I'll have the meat lover's pizza."

Rachelle rang it up and then told Jay the total. He pulled out his wallet and paid for their food, not without placing a ten-dollar bill in the tip jar. "You didn't have to do that," Rachelle said.

"You're watching Trouble here for a bit, so yeah, I do."

"I am not trouble!" you protested. "Where are you going anyway?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll be back soon."

"But--"

"Hey, Y/N. You want a chocolate chip cookie? I think they just came out of the oven." You frantically nodded your head up and down. "Well, c'mon back here and I'll grab it for you."

She opened the piece of the counter that flipped up and you walked through. Then, she motioned for Jay to leave before you pressed him for more answers on where he was going.

***

"To be honest, I don't feel any sympathy," Danny Corson told Jay as he sat at the kitchen table next to his wife with Jay across from him. "Do the police have any idea who did it?"

Jay had come to the Corson household to tell them the news that Lonnie Rodiger was dead...and to ask Danny some questions that would not go on record.

"We're still trying to piece that together." Jay turned to the red-haired woman. "Gail, do you have ay milk for this?" he asked, holding out his coffee cup."

"Oh, yeah. Let me get it for you," Gail answered.

"Thank you," Jay said to Gail's retreating back as she left the table. Jay turned back to Danny. "They suspended me. They think I did it. So, if you did something, Danny, I need you to tell me now so that we can figure this out together."

"Jay, I have been fantasizing about it for years, but I didn't do it. After all you've done for this family though, if you need me to confess, then I will."

"No, no you will not. I will not let you, or me for that matter, go down for something neither of us did."

"So, you have no idea who did it?"

"At the moment, no."

Jay's phone rang and he held up a finger to tell Danny he'd just be a second. But, then he looked at who was calling him and he practically froze.

"Jay, you okay?" Danny asked.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He accepted the call and placed his phone to his ear. "Rachelle? What's going on? Is Y/N okay?"

"Physically she's fine," she answered. "But, there's this guy yelling at her asking where you are and--"

"Tell me where he is! Your brother! My son is dead because of him!" Jay heard through the phone.

Phil Rodiger.

Jay drew in a breath. "I'm on my way."

He hung up and then turned to Danny and Gail. "I gotta go, I'm sorry. If I find out anything, you'll be the first to know." And then he ran out the door and ran as fast as he ever has to the Pizza Hut half a block away.

***

"He didn't do it!" you yelled. "He was home with me all night!"

"Yeah right! He probably told you to say that!"

"Y/N! Don't say another word!" Jay sprinted over to the booth where you were sitting, your pasta halfway eaten.

"You! You killed him!"

"Phil, we're in a public place. The cops can get called for a disturbance." Jay flicked his eyes to Rachelle and she nodded, picking up her phone.

"Fine! Then let them call the cops! I'll tell them that you killed him! You killed my son!"

He took a step closer to the side of the booth that you were sitting in and Jay quickly placed himself between you and Lonnie Rodiger's father. "You know what? I may have not killed him, but whoever did, did everyone in this world a real favor! Killing a pedophile and a murderer? I'd like to give the guy who killed your sick-ass bastard of a son a medal when they find him!"

"Jay!" you yelled, grabbing the back of his shirt and tugging it so that he would turn his attention back to you.

"Y/N, this is grown-up stuff. Butt out!" He turned back to Phil. "Lonnie brought this on himself and you know it!"

You saw a few people from the Intelligence Unit walking up to the building out of the corner of your eye. "Jay, shut the hell up!"

"You killed him!"

"For the last time, I didn't kill your sorry excuse for a son!"

"Police! Break it up!"

Jay was yanked away from you by none other than Antonio Dawson. Adam and Voight had each grabbed one of Phil's shoulders to keep him at bay. Erin knelt in front of you.

"Are you alright, Y/N?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"What the hell, Halstead?" Antonio yelled.

"Wre're taking you in," Voight told Phil Rodiger.

"Am I under arrest?"

"No, we just have some questions about last night we want to ask you is all. Why? Should you be under arrest?"

"No, but he should! I know you did it--"

"We'll talk to him," Voight said. "Don't you worry about that." He turned to Antonio. "You and Lindsay got this, bro?"

"Yeah, we got this," Antonio answered.

Voight nodded and then he and Ruzek escorted Phil Rodiger out of the building.

Antonio waited until Voight's car was safely out of the parking lot, before trying to lead Jay out of the building.

"Dude, I don't need a police escort. I can drive my car back home just fine," Jay protested.

"Jay, just come on. Or do I need to put you in cuffs?" He pulled his handcuffs out of his pocket and allowed them to dangle off his pointer finger.

"Tony, not here," Erin warned. "Not with Y/N watching."

You gasped. They weren't going to arrest Jay, were they? No, they wouldn't. They couldn't.

"Let's just go out to the car," Antonio said.

Once you were all in the car, Antonio driving, Erin in the passenger seat, and you and Jay in the back, did Jay finally address the elephant in the room...or, well, the elephant in the car. "Just so we're clear, I didn't kill Lonnie Rodiger. If I was gonna kill him, I would've done it the night he raped and murdered an eleven-year-old Ben Corson! I was this close, too!"

Your breath caught in your throat. You had assumed he had been raped, hell you had heard Jay talk about it with Gail and Danny, once with your dad, when they thought you were too far out of earshot to hear or thought that you were asleep. But, hearing Jay say it out loud, right in front of you, made it more real than hearing it when you weren't supposed to. And, hearing Jay say that had thoughts about killing Lonnie before...you didn't know how to feel about that. You had wanted him dead, just like Jay had (and how the Corson's probably did as well) but you never thought Jay would actually admit to wanting to kill him, much less say that he had been close to doing it.

"Shit, Y/N, I'm sorry I never told you about that," Jay said, his voice much quieter now. "I just, I didn't know how to tell you and you were ten, so you shouldn't have even known what rape was and I didn't want to explain it to you under those circumstances--"

"I knew," you told him.

"What?" he gasped as he furrowed his eyebrows. "How?"

"I heard you talking to the Corson's once when you thought I couldn't hear you and once when you were talking to Dad when you both thought that I was asleep."

"Well, either way, I'm sorry you had to hear it from me like this. And, I'm sorry he had to go through that."

"Me too," you whispered.

Erin leaned back and handed Jay a file folder. He raised an eyebrow.

"Lonnie Rodiger's homicide file," Antonio told him. "If anyone asks, no ones knows how you got that."

"That goes for you, too, Y/N. As far as you're concerned, you don't know what a homicide file is."

"What's homicide?" you joked. "I don't even know what that is."

"Works for me," Erin said as Jay flipped open the file.

***

"What'd he say? Jay asked, cornering Antonio in the locker room.

"Not here," Antonio told him and led him to the basement.

Once the two detectives were safely in the basement, Antonio let Jay in on the statement that Phil Rodiger had just given the Intelligence Unit about Lonnie Rodiger's murder.

"Can I run something by you?" Jay asked.

"Shoot."

"So, Phil Rodiger gives his statement, and he says...that his son never came home that night," Jay took a deep breath, hoping he wasn't going to get in trouble for saying this. "But I know he did. I may have not gone straight to my apartment after I got takeout for me and Y/N before we watched the Hawks game together."

"I'll talk to Voight. But, I think Y/N needs some help with homework, so go be the good big brother and do that." Antonio clapped Jay on the back and then started up the stairs.

***

"We're good to go," Antonio told him. "But, we got a problem."

"Which is?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow.

"They kicked him."

"The hell do you mean they kicked him?"

"I mean, they don't think he did it. But, Jin's getting a location on him." Antonio's phone binged. "And here is that location. Erin, you riding with me? Halstead will follow. I got the photos."

Erin picked up her coat. "Ruzek, watch the kid, okay?"

"You got it," he answered, walking over to the break room.

"Ruz, please do not corrupt my sister."

"I'm hurt Jay, really. That hurt, man," he joked.

The three detectives left the district and made their way to a bar where Phil Rodiger was sitting and drinking alone. The three had agreed that only Jay should go in so that he wouldn't get spooked and try to run off.

Jay entered the bar and took a seat next to Phil. He sighed and rolled his eyes, but started Jay on his reasoning anyway. "In the statement you gave the detectives, you said that you didn't see Lonnie after 10:00 pm, that he went for a drive and he never came back." Jay placed a photo on the bar in front of Phil. "I was following Lonnie that night, and not long after these pictures were taken, I watched him walk into your house. Lonnie got tired of hunting, so he went home. And according to the time of death, he was killed an hour after I took this photo." Phil Rodiger just stared at the photo as Jay turned his attention away from it and onto Phil. "Your son wasn't killed in the park, was he?"

Phil stood up and brought his face close to Jay's. "You got no idea what you're talking about."

Then, he started to walk away, but Jay got up and followed him. Jay was pretty sure his cop instincts were right once again. "Phil, where you going?" Jay paused and looked at him. Phil was looking at the floor and avoiding eye contact the way only a guilty man would. "You killed him."

"He was sick."

Yeah, we all knew that. Took you long enough, Jay thought to himself.

Then, Erin and Antonio rushed in and put Phil in cuffs.

***

Half an hour later, Jay was standing in front of the one-way window with Voight, watching Erin do her thing in the interrogation room.

"I found some pictures on his computer," Phil told Erin. "Boys, same age as the Corson kid. Then I- I confronted him."

"How did you kill Lonnie?" Erin asked, straight to the point. The faster this got straightened out, the faster Jay'd get his badge and gun back.

"We fought. I picked up a belt, and I just- I just kept choking him." Phil tried to keep the tears back, but he couldn't. What kind of father would kill their own son? But then again, most fathers didn't have sons who were monsters.

"And then you dropped his body in the park?"

"Yes."

Jay walked out of the interrogation room the minute he heard those words. He knew Voight had heard the same things he had. So, when Voight motioned for Jay to step into his office, this time, Jay didn't hesitate.

Voight pulled open a drawer and grabbed Jay's badge and gun. "Good to have you back."

"Thanks, Sarge."

"Now, go and get your sister out of here. I think she's bored out of her mind."

Jay chuckled and clipped his badge onto his jeans and holstered his gun. "His dad did it?" you asked, exiting the break room.

"How did you know that?"

"Ruzek told me!"

"Dude! I told you not to corrupt her!"

"Technically, I didn't corrupt her. I told her the truth," he defended.

"Fine, whatever. Mind giving us a ride so we can go get my car back from Pizza Hut?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"I call shotgun!" you yelled and started to race down the stairs.

"No fair!" Jay exclaimed as he chased after you.

***

You and Jay were crouched in front of Ben's grave, the flowers you had planted four days ago brightening the dismal place up a bit. "They got him, Ben, they got him," you explained. "Jay almost got in trouble for it, but it turns out that Lonnie's dad did it." You paused as if waiting for Ben's reaction. You knew he would be saying something along the lines of no way where he was. "I know, no way, right?"

"You okay?" Jay asked as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

You had stopped talking after you asked that rhetorical question. You had no idea what to say now. Ben was still gone.

"I guess it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would," you said, turning your attention to Jay. "It's as if I thought that finding who did this would bring Ben back. I feel relief, but that's it."

"Hey, no matter what you're feeling, it's okay. The way this went down today and the past few days don't matter. We got justice for Ben and that's all that matters. You got justice for Ben. You were the one who saw Lonnie with that rope and duct tape and told me. You were the reason this entire case got off the ground."

"Really?"

"Really," Jay confirmed.

"Well, at least it's justice."

"At least it's justice," Jay echoed.

A/N: Thank you for the amazing feedback on the first installment of this series I posted a few days ago! Your comments really got me motivated to write this one! But, I have some bad news, which is that since I have exams in a week and a half, I won't be posting for at least two weeks, probably closer to two and a half.

Anyway, thank you for reading, and please vote and comment! Reading your comments really gets me motivated to write...even though the next chapter will have to wait a while since I have exams.

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07

#jay halstead #will halstead #chicago pd #jay halstead imagine #chicago pd fanfiction #halstead sister #halstead sister imagine #Halstead brothers #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #imagine

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kpopinesss · 4 years

Text

[ateez] S A N ➱ baby daddy au

YOU HAVE TO RAISE HIS SON AFTER HE LEAVES. MAFIA SAN.

warnings: teen pregnancy

a/n: sorry ya’ll I accidentally posted this on my main lol - @atinybitofau

• raising a son on your own was hard.

• raising a son whose genes were on par to his notorious father was even harder—

• a hooligan. a mischievous troublemaker.

• an eyesore in morality.

• and yes, your son was just like him.

• cold. ruthless. blood thirsty.

• but unlike San, your son loved you enough never to leave you.

• appreciated the things you did for him enough to stay.

• “Eomma..”

• you turn on your side when your son interrupts your slumber,

• injuries blatant on his tethered arm.

• raising a child who’s now 13 since you were 16 never easy.

• “Where were you, Ari?”

• he sits at the edge of your bed and leans for the warmth only a mother could give. “I was trying to get your medicine.. but I ended up causing a scene and the store owner kicked me out.”

• you sigh letting him lay down beside you. “It’s just a little cold. You don’t need to go and risk your life to save mine.”

• he wants to ask you.

• he’s old enough..

• why hasn’t his father came back to be the one the take care of you?

• to take care of him.

• why do you have to suffer alone?

• “Ari, just do me a favor and take care of yourself the way you do for me.” you cuddle into your sons warmth too. “That’s all I need.”

• but you’re lying.

• you’re getting sicker.

• and he can’t take it anymore.

• he goes to lower than the low to find something to save you, his mother.

• eventually ending up tied up in San’s gang house.

• brutally beat for intervening a drug heist—

• “Alright you little shit,” San holds your son up by the collar, blood running down his face mixed with his tears. “I don’t care that you’re 13 years old. Hell you could’ve been 10 and I’ll still beat the living crap out of you. No one just comes barging into a drug heist for no reason. That’s not just a coincidence.”

• it is.

• it really is.

• and maybe god was just giving him a sign.

• because you were on the verge of dying—

• and his own son being dealt his life and in the hands of his own father,

• yet San still didn’t know what was going on.

• what sign god was trying to give him.

• “I have to admit.” San runs a finger down his son’s chiseled jaw and smirks. “You’ve got a nice face. But in a couple minutes, you might not even be able to recognize it anymore.”

• “I-I-I was just trying to get medicine for my mom! I swear.”

• San really needed to get a clue.

• not all drugs were recreational.

• and some—

• some can actually save lives not just make dirty money.

• “You think I’ll believe that sissy crap?”

• Ari shudders looking to his torn up jeans. “H-her pictures in my wallet. I swear, she’s the only thing I’ll do anything illegal for. I promise I wasn’t trying to fuck anything up. She’d kill me if I got involved. Kill herself if I pushed myself too far.”

• he’s convinced at the desperation in the poor kid’s voice.

• normally not as merciful but he digs through the kid’s pocket for the picture anyway.

• and he should be glad he did because shit—

• the picture of you made him go from 100 to 0 real quick.

• “Y/n?”

• “T-that’s her! That’s my mom.”

• San glances up at the beat up kid, horrified.

• horrified at the sight.

• that he was basically beating to death a walking replica of himself.

• an age far enough that fit the time he left you.

• “You’re telling me my high school sweetheart..” San’s bloody fingers curl around your picture. “The woman you’ve been trying to steal medication for is your mom? The woman in this picture.”

• he’s at first in denial.

• that the kid he almost beat to death was your son.

• but denial hits him even harder the chances he could also be the father.

• “M-my mom is everything to me.” Ari bawls his last tears out begging for his own father to spare his life. or anything to save yours. “She’s only got me. I’ve only got her. S-sir please. At least save her. If you wanna kill me sir, please save my mom first.”

• his jaw clenches,

• still knealt down on one knee propped in front of his pleading son.

• studying every feature of his face.

• how on par everything was to his own.

• San was beating up his son, he realized.

• holy shit he was about to kill his own son.

• “Why didn’t she tell me?”

• “W-what?” his son chokes. “What do you mean?”

• “Fucking hell— kid, I think I’m your dad.”

• the five days that your son was held captive was long enough for your body to grow cold and weaker.

• laying in a hospital bed nearly blacked out.

• your son cries over your body as you sleep.

• hoping he’s not too late.

• not too late to give you the one thing that might be able to keep you alive.

• a husband?

• finally a father to your child.

• “You’re the husband?” the doctor finds San watching from the doorway awkwardly glancing at the black dressed men who towered behind him. “You’ve got quite the entourage there, sir. But not even an army of soldiers would be able to save your wife right now. She’s hanging on a thin line. Barely holding on. That woman needs a miracle if she wants to live the next good years of her life.”

• San watches as his son that he never knew about cries over you.

• wishes you would’ve told him..

• he would’ve stayed.

• would’ve loved you.

• why were you always so selfish? always wanting to do things that pushed you too far even if there were another option available.

• “Eomma.”

• you hear everything.

• your son.

• San.

• “Ma, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get the medicine. I got into trouble again, ma. I’m sorry.” Ari folds his hand over your limp one’s. “B-but I have something even better. Someone who could help you and me. He can take care of us, ma.”

• it hurts.

• you want to wake up for your son because he deserves the world.

• he deserves a fight for the both of you but the option you chose came short.

• in the past, the option of never telling San in the first place of his own son.

• “Ma.. he’s gonna talk to you okay? I’m gonna let him talk to you.” Ari sniffles and suddenly your hand gets replaced with a different warmth. “He’s gonna tell you it’s gonna be okay. I love you, eomma. I love you. We’re gonna be okay.”

• it’s almost enough.

• your heart beats a little faster.

• burns a little more so you could breathe on your own.

• it’s definitely working.

• “You shoulda told me, bubba.”

• the nickname San had given you years ago,

• a nickname you thought you’d never hear again, rings in your ear and that light so far away,

• it gets further.

• “You shoulda told me about him. About you.” he lifts your hand against his trembling lips. “13 years? 13 years after I tell you to take care of yourself and now you’re almost dying. Come on now. My girl was a fighter. Pushed herself harder than she wanted to.”

• his voice is like a mantra—

• a dream that gives you a little bit more of life you we’re starting to lose.

• “Bubba, you were the love of my life. And I didn’t tell you enough how much I appreciated you. I know it may be too late and if god forbid I do lose you, I will make sure our baby stays safe okay?”

• you think if you were awake right now you’d be crying.

• as if a weight lifted off your shoulders.

• cause the one person who could save you right now—you and your son,

• was right here.

• ready to go merciless to keep you two safe.

• “I left loving you. And I’ll come back loving you. 13 years only kept us apart. But let me tell you, y/n, it never stopped me from loving you.”

• he’s unsure when he lets go of your hand.

• usually gets what he wants with one word—

• cause he’s a notorious mobster.

• but let’s just say you were the one thing he wanted he could’ve never gotten even with two words.

• 3?

• “I love you.” he continues. “And if I’m gonna have to love our son the way I should’ve loved you then so be it.”

• but life’s not like movies where you wake up right during a miracle.

• this miracle takes time.

• and after an EXPENSIVE deal of money and medicine to keep you alive,

• a year it takes for you to finally open your eyes.

• to a nice hospital bed room.

• filled with flowers and the reminiscent scent of old spice and San.

• your hair’s a bit longer.

• the sun’s definitely brighter.

• but not as bright as the smile you see once you turn to the side.

• “Good morning beautiful.” San reaches his forehead against yours. “How were your dreams?”

• you choke on a decent reply. “S-San?”

• “The one and only.”

• “Where’s— Where’s Ari? Where’s my—“

• “Our?” San chuckles softly. “You mean our son.”

• you kind of remember.

• it takes a while to remember the voices and the dreams in your head.

• how waking up to find them real was surreal on its own.

• “He’s at school, bubba.” San cradles your face in the palm of his hand staring at you like he was hypnotized. “I’ll have someone pick him up. Tell him mommy’s awake.”

• “San..” you shake your head in his hand. “How is this real?”

• “Our son might be a miracle worker. Brought us together the way we made him. Brought me so I could keep you alive.”

• cheesy as you remember.

• although this handsome and older version of your old flame you aren’t too sure.

• “So you just show up while I’m in a coma and play daddy while I sleep?” you hoarsely chuckle while he smiles against your lips. “Even after 13 years, you won’t grudge against me for not telling you?”

• “I can’t blame you for trying to save yourselves.” he admits with his lips still on yours. “I wasn’t good enough for you. I know still I’m not. But I’m gonna try this time. Even if I have to pretend I’m not who I am sometimes.”

• you two are interrupted by a crying teenager.

• one you remembered resembled San.

• but now them standing right next to each other,

• looking like two carbon copies and a surreal dream in your head.

• maybe you are dead...

• “Ma!” he shoves his father away abruptly. “Look ma! I brought dad! He helped pay your debt, pays for my school. Even finished the hospital bills.”

• you glare at your always boisterous ex boyfriend and long lost father to your son.

• “You did what?”

• “Did I mention this was my way of getting back at you for not telling me about my 14 year old son?”

• “San how the hell am I gonna pay you back?”

• you just woke up.

• and the doctor runs in ready to sedate to keep you stable for at least more than 24 hours.

• but the way San looks at you is enough.

• him being there like your life long medication itself.

• holding your hand while your son holds your other one proposing,

• “Marry me. And we can call it even.”

@atinybitofau

#ateez #ateez san #choi san #ateez imagines #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez preferences #ateez oneshot #ateez x reader #san x reader #san imagines #san reactions #san scenarios #san oneshot #san mafia au #ateez mafia au #san baby daddy au #ateez dad au

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niawritess · 3 years

Text

The Lovestruck~ Final.

(15th November)

Tapping his shoes constantly on the marble floor, his legs kept shaking which made him hold his knee, but all in vain since he couldn't stop the nervousness inside him. Dressed in a black tuxedo, Baekhyun took a deep breath to calm himself down before almost, immediately standing up to walk back and forth to subside his nervousness.

It was finally, the day everyone has been waiting specifically, you and Baekhyun. However, at his most special day, his heart, his mind, even his body wasn't working according to him.

"Why are you like this?" Kyungsoo walked in the grooms waiting room, as he watched his best friend walking back and forth in a nervous state.

Baekhyun groaned making himself seated again on the couch and looked at Kyungsoo. "I have never been this nervous before... Like not even giving the presentation... This is confusing."

"This is normal." Kyungsoo stated. "Though... It might be confusing for you being like this but normally people do get nervous on their wedding."

Kyungsoo's word did nothing but made Baekhyun glare at him where Kyungsoo just shrugged before shuffling under his coat and fished out a small black bottle which he gave it to him. "Drink this, you'll feel better."

"Where did you get this?"

"I didn't, Y/n asked me to get it." Kyungsoo spoke before smirking. "I didn't really expected you to be nervous but maybe she knew it."

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. "I can see how you guys are making fun of me, only my wife cares for me."

"Keep this up till you get to the asile." Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. "I am going to check the venue since Junmyeon hyung is taking care of it alone."

Baekhyun chuckled nodding as Kyungsoo walked out leaving him behind as he was feeling better than before. No matter how much they tease or make fun of each other, he just knows that his friends and him, always have each other's back.

It's been two weeks to the proposal day, and the next week, you both were being dragged into a boutique to buy wedding dresses but separately, which led Baekhyun to whine the whole day because he, himself wanted to see you trying beautifully, however, his and your family were having too much fun making him sulk.

And, it's also been a week since he has seen you because of the so called traditions in the family, where bride and groom can't meet, not even see eachother and now he was missing you crazily and was dying to see you where he also knew, you would be feeling the same.

His phone rang making him snap out, as he checked the caller ID and a smile crept on his lips before answering it and exclaimed with an enthusiasm. "Coffee bean!"

Laughter could be heard from the other side which made him confuse before he let out a exhasperated sigh. "You better stop it, this is second time you have done this."

"Aw, Is my soon to be brother-in-law angry?" The feminine voice which he has remembered, his best friend's wife and his soon to be wife's bestfriend, one and only Ria, who could come up with this prank.

His heart did a flip when he heard your voice behind as you were asking for some tissues. "Hey, put my wife on the phone."

"She is not your wife, yet." He could imagine her smirking evil making him bite his lip frustratingly. "Here I thought you were on my side."

She laughed. "I am, but right now, let me be your sister in law. Okay, Mr. Brother-in-law, see you at the wedding!"

Before he could say anything, the call was cut off and he groaned with the little pout following behind on his lips. The door suddenly cracked opened, revealing his friends, coming inside dressed in a full suit and began to laugh at his impatient friend.

"I am actually suing your wife after getting married." He stared at Chanyeol with his ever so angry look which did nothing but made his laugh more. "Why are you so impatient? You'll meet Y/n outside, so be patient my friend."

"Aigoo, who would believe that you're getting married, Hyung." Jongin spoke staring at his friend's frustrated face and Baekhyun rolled his eyes. "Do you guys have to make fun of me when I am nervous here?"

"Why are you though?" Minseok commented confusingly. "Even Y/n isn't nervous as you."

"She's not?" Baekhyun asked surprised and Yixing nodded. "We came here after meeting her and she didn't looked nervous at all."

Baekhyun eyes sparkled. "Really? How does she look?"

"She looks like a bride." Sehun said, straight truth which made all guys laugh and Baekhyun, to glare at him before Jongdae decided to help him as he patted his shoulder. "She looks beautiful and you, stop being so nervous or we'll think you're going on a war or something."

"Well, it's not less than a war." Jongin said snickering and Everyone laughed as now, Baekhyun was less nervous and more happy with an excitement to see you.

The door opened again, and this time it was Mr. Byun and Mrs. Byun, walking towards him with a tender smile on their faces before Mr Byun held Baekhyun's shoulder firmly while fixing his collar. "Young man, you have actually become a man now."

Baekhyun chuckled. "I was always a man."

Mr. Byun smiled nodding. "Listen to me carefully now, marriage is a very important part of your life and you are taking a big step towards it. It's a huge responsibility, not just for you but for the girl you're marrying to, so Y/n's care and happiness is your responsibility, just make sure you're doing your part well. "

"I will." Baekhyun immediately nodded before his eyes went large to see his mother bawling her eyes out making him gasp dramatically. "Eomma! Not the water tank, you're makeup would get smudged then Y/n's going to scold me!"

Mrs Byun slapped his arm. "Don't talk about my daughter in law like that!"

He pouted. "So, she already has sides."

"Obviously, she knows who's she marrying to." Jake said taking everyone's attention as he stood by the door frame smiling at him before walking in to tease the nervous man even more.

______________

A wide smile was playing on your lips where you bit your lip to prevent yourself from giggling out loud since you were feeling happy about your special day. A white, off shoulder ballgown dress hugged your figure with flowery embroidery illuminating around your upper half sleeves while your hair, styled in a braided updo leaving half of it in a wavy style.

Sniffing the flowers in your hands, a lively smile appeared on your lips while feeling giddy and excited to see Baekhyun who you haven't seen, since a week but at the same time, you knew this wait would be worth it.

"Ayo~ Aren't you too happy bestie?" Ria cooed, dressed in her pastel pink colored dress, fixing the strand of the hair putting it around your temple while giving your look a last touch up and you grinned. "Yes I am, bestie."

"And I am happy to see you happy." She smiled widely trying hard not to cry and as you noticed her expression, you giggled making her slap your arm lightly before hugging you eventually.

"But... Aren't you nervous?" She pulled away, frowning and you smiled bringing your index finger and thumb closer. "A little."

Her forehead creased in amusement. "Well, good for you because you have to look after your too nervous husband to be."

You giggled, before the door opened revealing your two most, chaotic yet the ones whom your life couldn't have been amazing as there stood, your brothers dressed in their Grey suits looking handsome.

Jaehyun walked in with Daniel following behind him with an amused look on their faces making you chuckle. "What? Why are you both surprised? Do I look that good?"

Jaehyun gasped dramatically cupping his mouth. "What to do, potato? Even the make up couldn't do its work."

You bit your lip fuming before grabbing a water bottle beside you and threw it in his face which he immediately caught it perfectly as he gave you a smirk making you roll your eyes. "Are you really my brother?"

"Dan...," You looked at Daniel beside Jaehyun and smiled. "How do I look?"

He stared at you blankly. "You...look like that pasta you made last time."

You closed your eyes sighing, controlling your urge to not to kill them on your special day while both of your brothers were so close to laughing and eventually, they did.

"You think I don't know that you both empty the whole fry pan that night?" You retorted, sassily making them silent as they stood surprised while Ria just stood there with a poker face as this was just neverending scene to witness.

"How do you know that?"

"I have spies, my brothers." You smiled in victory and they both groaned knowing who those spies were before you laughed out loud at their faces making them laugh back.

Jaehyun walked towards before grabbing your hand to make stand up and held your shoulders, as he stared at you seriously. "You know I am just a call away right? I am still your secret trunk so whatever and whenever you want to talk or tell me something, just do it, okay?"

And that's when your heart welled up seeing his brother mood and nodded before he smiled. "If he does something which I know he won't because I know he's mature and loves you too much to hurt you but still, just tell me and I will deal with him."

You slapped his arm while laughing. "I'll kill you if you do that."

"Right, Baekhyunee Hyung wouldn't dare to do that knowing how hard your punch is." Daniel commented as he stood beside you making you laugh even more before both of them hugged you, and another one jumped who was none other than Ria herself.

Your mom's voice got your attention as you four pulled away to see your mom walking inside, in a light pink and purple mixture colored Hanbok and looked so beautiful where behind her your dad, in a black suit looking dashing.

As he walked towards you, his eyes teared up and you looked at him in awe. "Dad.. What...?"

"Gosh, you look so beautiful." He sniffled and you bit your trembling lip before hugging him tightly. "You look more beautiful than your mother."

"Ow!" He whined pulling away as a hard slap was landed on his back by your mom making you all laugh before your mom stared at you with teary yet smiling eyes. "My daughter is always beautiful."

"Seriously, why is everyone crying?" You whined and Daniel wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "Noona, we're just really happy that we won't have a potato in the house now."

"You're so dead." You muttered gritting your teeth and was about to hit him but looking at your mom's stern eyes, everyone went serious as you went to sit on the couch back.

"Ria, look after her so she won't jump around like a cat again since we're going out to greet the guests." Your mom ordered her as she walked out dragging the three chaotic men with her and you made a grumpy face as Ria couldn't stop laughing at your mom's words.

"Y/n! Your most loving person is here!" You let out a laugh knowing who's high pitch voice was as walked inside, your sister like friend, who was once your owner too, Rose, in a light blue dress with her always shiny smile.

She gasped. "You look gorgeous, lady!"

You and Ria laughed at her reaction as she instantly sat beside, hugging you. "Gosh, my little sister has finally grown up."

"Ughh." You groaned playfully. "Seriously, you too?"

"It got cringy, right?" She looked at Ria who nodded with you following before you three broke out in laughter.

_____________________

5:04 PM

It was finally the time to walk down the asile, your most awaited moment, as you stepped out of the brides room, a fresh breeze hit your face making smile while your eyes roamed around the outdoor area. This was the same place where you both came to stargaze last time and you casually joked about getting married at this place but you didn't know that Baekhyun would take that seriously as you got an actual shock when you got to know about the venue.

Oh, how can you not love this person?

Linking your arm around your dad's, your head tilted to the side to look at him as you felt yourself shaking inside where he looked at you with an assuring smile that it'll be alright and you knew it will be for sure. Taking slow steps towards the asile, your eyes averted ahead to see the lights around the branches of green trees and either side were the wooden chairs giving it a perfect look.

Looking at everyone, seated there were your mom with her biggest smile and your brothers watching you with a proud smile with Baekhyun's family, looking at you with so much tenderness. Looking at the other side to see your friends with their usual understanding and proud smiles as why not, because they all were the cupids of your life.

As you looked ahead, your breath hitched, the moment your eyes met his stunned ones, standing there waiting for you as how he always had. You could feel your heart pounding against your chest as you were walking towards him, the flashbacks of your moments were flashing in your mind making your eyes teary with those beautiful moments.

Baekhyun just stood there stunned for a while watching you, looking so ever beautiful and he was falling all over again. Biting his lower lip, he gulped down the lump forming as his eyes burned making his vision blurry while he took a deep breath to calm down before he felt Kyungsoo, patting his back.

Aproaching him, your dad pulled Baekhyun in a fatherly hug, as he patted his back gently before pulling away where he placed your hand on his hand, giving you to the person who was your home now. You bit your lip, controlling yourself from crying before locking your eyes with his glossy ones and he gave you his most beautiful smile.

"We're here." He whispered, his hold tightening around your hand and you nodded smiling back. "As we should."

"You...look..," He trailed off, licking his lips as he went speechless and you peeked over his expression chuckling. "I look handsome?"

He let out a chuckle with everyone laughing at your little joke before Baekhyun shook his head. "You look really really beautiful. And I have finally kidnapped you, and I don't even care if I got behind the bars for it."

You laughed shaking your head as he giggled while Kyungsoo gave him a look but his smile was saying something else.

The vows were taken, rings were exchanged, and sealed it with a kiss of promise. His palm pressed against your jaw gently, stroking his thumb over your cheek as his other hand rested on the side of your waist and as he pressed his forehead against yours, his eyes spotted his favorite flushed cheeks.

He couldn't help but smile fondly before pecking your lips again softly taking you by surprise as you jolted up to look at him making him giggle like a baby while everyone laughed. Giving him a playful glare, you lightly punched his arm making him laugh even more as he kissed your knuckles before pulling away as everyone came to congratulate you.

"Oh My, finally, you have become our daughter in law." Mrs Byun cooed, as she pulled you in a hug where a fake cough made you both pull away to see Baekhyun's sulk expression. "I got married too, why aren't you congratulating me?"

You chuckled making him glare at you playfully and to make him even more sulk, you side hugged Mrs Byun as she played along while Baekhyun pouted defeatedly as he nodded. "Alright, sides have changed."

You both laughed before Mrs Byun hugged him and Mr Byun gave you a fatherly hug while patting your head as he hugged his son after. Walked in your dad towards you with his teary eyes and hugged you tightly before patting Baekhyun's shoulder. "Take care of her or I'll come for you."

Both of them laughed as Baekhyun nodded while you shook your head smiling at them before your mom came in smiling but instead of coming to you, she engulfed Baekhyun in a hug. "My son in law looks so handsome."

Baekhyun smiled shyly thanking her before she looked at you confusingly before laughing as she hugged you. "Why are you sulking?"

"I'm not." You hugged her back tightly as she rubbed your back in a comforting way making you sigh before you pulled away to see your brothers hugging Baekhyun.

"Hyung, How do you feel about this marriage?" Daniel asked making you glare at him and Baekhyun chuckled before looking at you with a smile. "I feel amazing."

Your cheeks flushed as you looked away before looking at your brothers who just groaned at his answer. "I shouldn't have asked this question."

"Listen, Baekhyun." Jaehyun leaned in to his side. "If she does something, I am only a call away."

You gasped hearing his words which he said to you earlier. "This conman!"

You attempted to grab him but Baekhyun's arm around your waist prevented as he pulled you closer. "Let's not make our wedding a killing day, coffee bean."

You looked at him pouting and he imitated your expression while nodding cutely before you glared at Jaehyun. "I am letting you off today."

"I am letting you off today." He mimicked your tone before chuckling as he patted your head while Daniel hugged you and both of them walked away.

"So, you did got married to this brat." Minseok commented as he patted Baekhyun's shoulder and he rolled his eyes while you giggled nodding before your friends came one by one to congratulate.

"Ahh, my bestie is married already." Ria came forward with a fake crying face and you chuckled pulling her in a hug before she let go and looked at Baekhyun. "You have to take care of my bestie."

"Of course, I will take care of her more than you have ever had." Baekhyun said, confidently making a face at her. "You just wait, I will get back at you for pranking me."

Ria giggled. "That was part of fun, but aren't you glad that I was on your side and even played cupid for you."

"That...," He trailed off as he glanced at you, smiling. "I will always be."

"Okay, do this at your own new home, we have guests here." Ria spoke before winking at you as your eyes widened, noticing her playful look before slapping her arm while Baekhyun laughed where Ria walked away.

"Hey, Sister-in-law!" Sehun's voice beamed as he walked towards you before pushing his phone screen infront of your faces and you gasped. "Sooyoung!"

Sooyoung couldn't attend the wedding as her dad's health got bad and they had take him out of the country for his treatment but he was doing better now. However, Sooyoung didn't find it appropriate to attend the wedding while her dad was lying on the bed, so she couldn't join.

Baekhyun cutely waved at her. "You're being missed here. Now who would catch y/n's flower?"

She laughed. "I'll ask Sehun to do that."

"I am a busy person." Sehun remarked back earning an eye roll from three people before Sooyoung suddenly gasped. "Gosh, you both look so amazing!"

"Sehun-ah, I want to see their whole look!" Sooyoung exclaimed making you both giggle and sehun rolled his eyes. "I am not an assistant."

But, he eventually did as Sooyoung let out a squeal. "You look so beautiful!"

"I know right, I am." Baekhyun spoke smiling playfully and you chuckled nudging him lightly before the host of your wedding, Chanyeol clapped his hands to get everyone's attention.

"Okay, we have prepared something for you both, so let's enjoy!" He exclaimed, clapping as he stepped aside while you looked at Baekhyun. "I have a bad feeling about this."

Baekhyun slightly laughed. "And I am really excited!"

You rolled your eyes before a music erupted, startling you as Baekhyun looked at you shook hearing the familiar song and you gasped cupping your mouth seeing a projector while a video was being played, where you were dancing with your brothers in your parents wedding anniversary. "No way."

JYP'S Honey.

Three of you were childrens, wearing a cap and black sunglasses as you were dancing between them and your cheeks flushed as you hid your face behind the flowers where you heard a giggle from Baekhyun. "Gosh, you are so adorable."

"Ugh! I am not!" You whined making him pinch your cheek as he laughed softly and you let out a shy chuckle. "Gosh, they still had this."

Suddenly, the woos from the audience could be heard taking both of your attention as you looked at your brothers coming to the stage with black sunglasses on their faces making your jaw drop. "Are you serious?"

"Noona, this one's for you." Daniel spoke as he slid his glasses a little to send a wink at you making you and Baekhyun giggle before Ria stepped on the stage with black sunglasses as she stood between them.

You sighed smiling as you realized they were reenacting the scene making you feel awed. As the song played again, three of them started dancing like how you did, earning some woos and making everyone dance along with them. You laughed feeling Baekhyun copying the steps playfully while jamming along with them and making you move along with him as you both laughed afterwards.

In the midst, Jaehyun walked over to you and grabbed you both to lead to the stage as everyone joined together. Baekhyun took your hand and twirl you around before wrapping his arm around your waist doing a wavy move making you laugh.

The photographer was smiling, watching the scene while capturing those moments and at that moment, Baekhyun leaned closer to your ear as the music was loud. "I think I should show you my strength since you always doubt it."

"Huh?" Your forehead creased confusingly as he placed his hands either side of your waist and you let out a squeal when he lifted you up unexpectedly making you wrap your arms around his neck in reflex.

Everyone wooed watching the scene while you stared down at him with enlarged eyes as he giggled. "So.. Do you believe in my strength now?"

You burst out laughing before leaning down to bump your forehead against his gently as your palm pressed on his cheek. "I do."

As the moment was captured, you knew, you have had the best wedding ever with the best lifepartner.

_______________

8:48 pm

It was dinner time, everyone was seated down on the thick mat with the cushions filled around and the shelter about was decorated with flowers and some candles around them. You had changed your gown into a knee-length white dress while Baekhyun's blazer was over your legs as you gave him a light squeeze around his hand locked with yours on his lap.

His thumb rubbed softly against your skin making you look at him to see him discussing something with Sehun about their business thing and you smiled at his warm gesture.

"Stop looking so much, you look crazy in love." Ria's voice snapped you out as you looked at her to see her giggling with Rose beside her and your cheeks flushed making you glare at them. "Shut up."

"Awe, my shy Y/n." Rose reached out to pinch your cheek softly and you scrunched your nose pulling away before chuckling at them. "So, Is your little one giving you hard time?"

Rose was seven months pregnant with a baby boy before her hand went to caress her bump softly and she chuckled. "Well, sometimes? Because he has been kicking way too much now."

"He already wants to come out." Ria commented giggling before Jack beside Rose spoke. "Because he wants to meet his dad."

Rose rolled her eyes while you and Ria laughed before you felt a light nudge on your shoulder making you look at Baekhyun. "Hm? What?"

"Shush." He placed his index finger on his lips as he leaned in. "Let's sneak out, coffee bean."

You laughed lowly. "What?"

"I am waiting behind that tree." He whispered pointing to the place and you chuckled staring at him weirdly. "We're married now, Baek."

"Don't ruin the fun and follow me." He glared at you playfully before kissing your palm as he excused himself from everyone and walked away.

"Go, your husband needs you." You turned to the voice to see Mrs Byun giving you a teasing smile and it was loud enough to take everyone's attention as they looked at you before giggling and you closed your eyes blushing.

Nevertheless, you slowly got up with his blazer in your hands as you wore it properly before walking away and you could hear your dad's voice kids these days and you chuckled fastening your speed. Aproaching him to see him standing against the tree with his hands shoved in his pocket and you just took your moment to stare at this handsome man infront of you.

As if he sensed your eyes, his head tilted to the side to see you as his lips curved upwards in a beautiful smile and you smiled back before he extended his hand which you took it as he made you stand infront of you. The moonlight touching his face made him look even more ethereal while his eyes bored into yours with a dreamy smile on his lips and you felt yourself blushing under his gaze.

"You know everyone got to know about this sneak out." You said and he pouted, clicking his tongue playfully. "Plan failed."

You chuckled. "But why did we even snuck out?"

Baekhyun pointed towards the sky with his index finger. "For that."

You tilted your head up to the sky with a gasp seeing the whole night sky, filled with shining stars and the lightning moon as your eyes sparkled. "Wow."

"You watch your favorite stars and I'll watch my favorite, you." He uttered out softly with his arms wrapping around your waist as he pulled you closer and kissed your temple making you smile as you looked back at him, before circling your arms around his neck to hug him.

He tightened his grip around your waist. "Gosh, you know you give the best hugs."

You chuckled placing your chin on his shoulder. "Let's stay like this here and live here."

He hummed. "Let's live on the tree and do your tree show."

"Seriously!" You whined leaning away as your arms rested around his neck and he laughed making you smile as seeing him laughing just brush your anger away.

His laughter slowly subsided, as his eyes stopped to stare at you softly as he bit his lower lip and you looked away blushing. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I am looking at my beautiful, wife." He said tucking the strand of hair behind your ear smiling and you bit your lip as you couldn't say anything back making him giggle as he slightly bumped his forehead against your temple. "Do you remember that day? When I helped you by being your boyfriend?"

You laughed nodding, remembering that moment as you looked at him. "Of course, how can I forget that? I was so surprised and who knew we would end up like this."

"Yes, and I am soooo...," He trailed off stealing a peck from your lips. "So glad that I did that. And now you're officially my wife, Mrs Byun." He added winking.

"And you're officially my husband, Mr Byun." You winked back and his eyes widened. "Did you.. Did you just flirted with me?!"

You shrugged giggling. "Perks of having a flirty husband."

"I seriously love you for flirting with me." He said kissing your cheek and you kissed his cheek back. "And I seriously love you for being my flirty husband."

Both of you looked at eachother for a moment before bursting out in giggles before pulling eachother in a hug.

And they knew, they were home.

________________________________________

And, that's a wrap! I hope you liked this chapter and this fanfiction too. I was really thinking if I should post the last today or not because somehow, I didn't wanted it to end and posting the last chapter is making me emotional🤧. Anyways, I just want to thank you, whoever has been reading this story and your responses really made my day and I appreciate it a lot.

This fanfiction has been close to my heart because this my first ever written and posted story, the storyline was simple but the plot and characters are very close to me, there might have been some errors and typos but it still made me improve my writing skills. I might write an epilogue, maybe, not confirmed, but I really want to though, and if I did I would post it for sure. 🥺

Again, thank you and hope you guys like this chapter, then, take care till I post my another fanfiction soon🤍

Nia~

________________________________________

@wooya1224 @buttercupbbh @jddcfc-blog @usernameloaa @gominieni @shesdreaminginoverdose

#bbh #exo fanfiction #exo ff #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun gifs #baekhyun imagines #baekhyun #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun scenario

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casnextdoor · 3 years

Text

PAPER HEART

———————

a/n; i wrote this solely because i have fallen in love with jk’s cover of tori kelly’s paper hearts . i bawled my eyes out to it while reading ‘under the sky in room 553 i discovered you and i’ it was VERY ANGSTY and i was sad . 10/10 def recommend. anywho enjoy

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The lights around the stage were bright, blinding. The fans were loud, a consistent chant of Jungkook’s stage name the only thing being heard in the stadium. Even after two months of seeing and hearing this night after night, he still couldn’t believe this was all for him. It was always at the end of his set, when he’d sit on the wooden stool in the dead centre of the stage, that he’d hear your voice. He’d hear you telling him he deserved this and more. You were supposed to be here.

He waited for the stadium to quiet, and just like every night prior, the fans' loud roar turned into ambient muttering. So with a heavy heart, he deposited a guitar pick from his pocket and started experimentally picking and strumming at the acoustic guitar that sat comfortably on his thighs. He knew the cords like the back of his hand -- having played it for you more times than he could count -- so he found his rhythm with ease.

It felt like just yesterday when you’d sat with him in his studio, helping him create the song that would break his heart every time he played it.

Your smile. That's what really caught his attention that day. Everyday since the two of you had met, he’d picked another physical feature of yours to obsess over every time he’d see you. Your perfect set of pearly whites with a little bit of an overbite had his heart beating recklessly against his ribcage today. The septum piercing hanging right above your cupid's-bow fell over your lips when they’d pulled up into that signature grin of yours. He’d die happy if it were the last thing he’d ever seen, he’d decided.

You’re guitar -- the black one he’d gifted you sophomore year as an early birthday gift -- hung loosely over your shoulder in its case. It made him smile that you’d kept after so long -- that you’d kept him around for so long.

“Okay, Noona. Why are we here?” Jungkook wouldn’t lie, he had never gotten dressed as quickly as he had when he’d received a text from you telling him to meet you at his studio. He almost ran out of the dorms with no shoes on -- he hadn’t seen you in weeks.

“Remember when you told me you couldn’t write? When you said you couldn’t find lyrics to go to the guitar piece you composed?” You’d excitedly plopped down on the black leather couch on the other side of his studio; you’d picked that couch.

Jungkook hummed, eyeing you skeptically. He didn’t know where this was going. Looking back now, he should’ve had a clue; this was such a you thing to do, after all. But at the time, he had no idea where this conversation or impromptu meet up was headed.

“Well, fret no longer, my friend. I spent all night writing you lyrics.” Your smile was so big and your hands were a bit fidget-y as you unzipped your guitar case; a tell-tale sign that you had been drinking coffee again. It was painfully endearing that you’d stayed up all night just writing him lyrics. And he found it absolutely adorable that instead of waiting until the morning to call him, you’d texted him at two in the morning, demanding that he meet you. He had to purse his lips to refrain from smiling too hard.

“You do realize it's almost three in the morning, right, Flower?” Jungkook’s amused chuckle caused an embarrassing amount of heat to course through your body. You nodded sheepishly, hands gripping nervously at the neck of your guitar. You’d pray he couldn’t see how nervous you were so you instead pulled your lips up into a scowl and huffed out an annoyed breath.

“Do you wanna hear ‘em or not?” There was no real edge to your voice, and Jungkook knew you’d just been looking for a way to channel your nerves into something less embarrassing than a nervous chuckle.

He nodded, leaning back into his rolling office chair and had he always been so big? His gaze never left you and you could almost feel the weight of his eyes on you. You’d avert your gaze away from him and down toward the strings of your guitar, in fear that if you look at him, he’d hear the loud love confessions your brain was screaming at him. You grumbled at him to record a voice memo -- you were not going to give him your lyric book.

You’d picked and strummed at the guitar until you’d found and stayed with the melody you were looking for. You played the sequence for a bit longer just to make sure you wouldn’t mess up. You figured you were ready after about thirty seconds of just blue music. So you cleared your voice and started singing.

Remember the way you made me feel, such young love but,

Jungkook realized that no matter what you’d written, he would’ve loved it anyway -- it was you, after all.

Something in me knew that it was real. Frozen in my head.

Pictures I’m living through for now

Trying to remember all the good times

He could listen to you for hours. There was something so serene, he thought, about listening to the love of your life sing a song they’d written just for you.

Our life was cutting through so loud. Memories are playing in my dull mind.

Has his gaze always been this heavy? Has your heart always beat this fast for him? Have you always wanted someone to love you back this much? No, you supposed you hadn’t. But there’s a first for everything.

I hate this part, paper hearts. And I’ll hold a piece of yours.

Don’t think I would just forget about it.

Hoping that you won’t forget about it.

That was four years ago. Four years ago. He remembered staring at you while you sang the entire song. He remembered just watching you in silence for five minutes. He remembered the way you bit down at your lip and avoided his gaze like the black plague. He remembered leaning forward and pulling your lip from under your teeth. He remembered the way he brushed his nose against yours and telling you -- his flower -- how much he loved it, the song. He remembered kissing you and taking you right there in the studio. He remembered just how gorgeous you were in such a euphoric state. He remembered he told you he loved you more times than he could count that night.

And he remembered the chaos that ensued after, leading you to giving him full custody and access to the song and moving out of the city. Just to get away from him.

He hadn’t sung the song or even recorded it since. He listened to the voice memo with the song and your beautiful euphoric sounds on it every night for two months. He’d cried to that memo. He’d gotten off to that memo. And soon he had to move it to the archives; he wouldn’t allow himself to break anymore.

A part of moving on is making amends. He was in your town because of touring. And before he knew what he was doing, he was adding the song to the performance sequence and shooting you a text.

I’m in your city. For a tour of course. And I’m singing paper hearts for the first time tonight. And I want you to sing it with me. If your email is the same I’ll send you a guest pass. You don’t have to come, but… I would love it if you did :)

You’d left him on delivered. You hadn’t even opened the message. He sent the pass anyway, hoping to the heavens that you would receive it.

He strummed at the guitar strings, trying to keep his eyes from scanning the crowd for you. But when he started singing he couldn’t help but look for those gorgeous eyes and that bright smile he hadn’t seen in four years.

Everything is gray under these skies, wet mascara

Hiding every cloud under a smile, when there’s cameras

And I just can’t reach out to tell you

That I always wonder what you’re up to

That isn’t my voice, he thought, eyebrows creasing in confusion as he looked toward the stage manager who was normally off on the right wing.

And there you were. You were still as beautiful as he remembered. Just as breathtaking as he remembered.

You walked toward him, steps slow and calculated as you stopped just behind him, placing a soft hand onto his shoulder and pressing your front to his back.

Your hand slid down his chest as you used his physical form to ground you and keep you level headed; he was just as good looking as he was all those years ago and you couldn’t help but replay that night in the studio as you reached the next verse.

Pictures I’m living through for now, Trying to remember all the good times

Our life was cutting through, Memories are playing in my dull mind

I hate this part, paper hearts. And I’ll hold a piece of yours

Don’t think I would just forget about it. Hoping that you won’t forget about it.

Jungkook stopped singing completely -- he loved it when you sang this part.

I live through pictures as if I was right there by your side

But you’ll be good without me and if I could just give you some time I’ll be alright.

And then there was nothing. No screaming fans, no guitar, no singing. It was just you. And him. In the middle of this big sea called the universe. Because you’d come back to him. You’d found your way back to him and he decided right then he wouldn’t let you go.

So with the hand that was just gripping the neck of the guitar, he was lightly gripping the back of your neck, pulling you down firmly. He brushed his nose against yours before whispering:

“It's beautiful, Flower. Where’d you learn to sing like that?” You laughed at that.

“I learned from the best, Kookie.” And then his lips were on yours and the entire world really disappeared.

#bts #jungkook angst #bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #jungkook x female reader #jungkook x reader

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thelukesalvez · 4 years

Text

Luke Alvez x Reader: Wedding Day

Prompt: You and Luke’s wedding day.

Tagged: @ssaic-jareau , @alvezstan , @lcvischmitt , @ogmilkis , @goldenalvez , @ssa-morgan , @garcias-batcave , @akimagies, @zhangyixingxing1 , @pinkdiamond1016 , @yourwonderbelle , @rachelxwayne , @sc4rletw1tch , @moreidultrastan , @ellvswriting

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: none

A/N: this made me SOFT wow, here’s some fluff no one asked for. i also had body parts by yoke lore playing on repeat while i wrote this to make me extra soft, so if u need a soundtrack to this imagine- that’s it!!!

“You did it up all wrong,” Rossi sighs with a little chuckle, gesturing at Luke’s tie from a spot behind him in the mirror. “Look Matt, he did it backwards. He’s nervous.”

“It’s hard in the mirror. Just tie it for me then,” says Luke, rolling his eyes as Rossi bats his hands away and begins to loop his tie properly.

Behind them, Matt paces dramatically with a notecard in his hand. “You’re not allowed to be nervous,” he says, motioning towards Luke. “I’m nervous enough for the both of us! To be, or not to be,” he continues, outstretching his arm theatrically, and placing it on his forehead for effect, “that was the question that Luke Alvez asked Y/F/N on one fateful night almost a year ago. My name is Matt Simmons, and I’ll be your tour guide through this emotional rollercoaster–”

“Emotional rollercoaster?” Rossi asks.

“We’ll laugh, we’ll hope, we’ll cry.”

“Um,” says Luke, eyeing Matt warily in the mirror as Rossi laughs helplessly, “I’d like to say I know you’re just messing around… but you’re just messing around, right?”

Matt opens his eyes wide, looking appalled. “Absolutely not! You made a choice, the right choice I might add, asking me to make the big speech. It’s my moment, Luke. Everyone will be talking about it for years.”

Rossi laughs even harder, patting Luke on the chest once his tie is done right, “There you go. Like a real gentleman. Don’t worry about Matt,” Rossi adds in a whisper. “I’ll keep him in line, I always do. ”

Matt throws them both a dark look, one hand over his heart, before continuing, “Now what… What is real love? Come with me now on a journey and I’ll tell you. Together, we’ll delve into the love story between two young heart throbs. Charming, sometimes incredibly tragic, but always pure and true. Our tale begins on the eighteenth of November one cool brisk evening. Luke Alvez was an autumn baby emerging from his mother–“

“You’ve only got like three minutes to talk,” Luke tells him, just in case he was unaware of the time limit on his speech. Just then, Spencer pops his head in.

“Practicing our speeches?” He looks at Luke and raises his eyebrows with an assuring thumbs up. “Looking good.”

“You’re just in time,” Matt says, pointing at Spencer, “I was thinking you could act out my speech, like performance art.”

“No plays at my wedding!” Luke says, but he’s laughing too.

Just saying the word ‘wedding’ aloud makes Luke’s heart leap a little. He starts thinking of how you probably look right now. You had fussed around nervously all morning, organizing and re-organizing things around the house, cleaning things that were already clean. The same way you always were when you got anxious. Luke finally hugged you from behind and said, firmly, “Stop.”

You had rolled your eyes but allowed Luke to tug you down onto the couch, wrapping his arms around you in a bear hug. “It’s going to be perfect,” He had said.

Luke then stands up from the chair, smoothing his hair.

“C’mon Rossi,” says Spencer, still lingering at the door, “Your wife sent me in here to get you, she wants to get some pictures beforehand.”

“Duty calls,” Rossi says, smiling lightly at Matt and Luke before following Spencer out the door.

Once they’re gone, Matt grins at Luke.

“You ready for this?” he asks. Luke gives a little shrug. After month building up to this day, it almost feels like a dream – the hum of people collecting in the church, his shiny new shoes, the look in your eyes earlier when you’d said in awe, “Next time I see you, I’ll marry you,” which Luke can’t stop replaying in his mind.

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Any last words of advice?”

“Yes,” Matt says seriously. “Four, actually.” Matt says the words slowly and clearly, “Don’t – mess – it – up.”

“Like don’t stutter when I’m reading my vows? Or like, don’t be a horrible husband and drive Y/N away?”

“Both,” says Matt, his face breaking out into a grin. “See? That’s why I’m so helpful.”

“Ah,” says Luke, smiling. “I see. You’re the master. Thanks, Matt.” He meets his eyes, which are soft and fond.

“You deserve it, brother,” he says. “All of this. I’m so happy for you.”

“Aw,” Luke teases, trying to conceal the lump in his throat, “are you going to cry?”

“I might,” says Matt. “Your bride certainly will. She was already looking a bit teary when I left her earlier. We’ve actually all taken bets on how long it’ll take her to start bawling.”

“What?” Luke exclaims indignantly. “Nobody told me that! Come on, I want in.”

“Sorry, but Kristy said it’s not nice to bet on your own wife’s wedding day tears.”

“But I’d have the best chance at winning!”

“Nope, not allowed,” says Matt. “Although I’ll tell you my guess – she won’t last thirty seconds after she sees you. And it will continue for the rest of the evening.”

“That’s – that’s probably true,” Luke admits. “What did everyone else guess?”

“Tara said she’d cry during vows,” says Matt, ticking them off as he counted on his finger. “Garcia bet same as me, when she sees you, and Emily thinks she’s already crying.”

“I think I’m with Emily on that one,” says Luke with a little laugh.

Just then JJ pokes her head into the tent, hair piled elegantly on top of her head, gesturing at him. Matt gives her a charming smile, which she returns.

“Luke, are you almost ready? Everyone’s waiting!”

Luke nods as JJ sighs and crosses the floor to hug him, straightening his tie.

“You look great,” she whispers.

“Thanks,” Luke says, swallowing another lump that rises in his throat. “Alright, let’s get moving. I can’t be late to my own wedding.”

…

As it turns out, they all lose the bet – you hold it together fairly well, misty-eyed and fond, through most of the ceremony. It’s Luke who gets teary eyed the moment he sees you turn the corner and start walking down the alter. Your arm’s latched with Rossi’s and the minute your eyes meet his, the lump in his throat is back, only this time with some tears as well.

You’re beautiful, in the most elegant and true way. Your hair is pulled back, complimented by a veil. Your face breaks out into a huge smile of triumph when you see Luke. You clutch tightly onto the assortment of flowers in your hand and make your way closer and closer.

Luke lets out a shaky laugh, trying to cover up how emotional he really is. After a few moments of just staring, in complete and utter awe, he has to wipe his eyes on the sleeve of his jacket.

You reach the front of the aisle, kissing Rossi on the cheek one last time before stepping up to the alter.

Luke can’t help himself. He’s smiling so wide, his insides bursting with love and affection and disbelief. He was so lucky. So so lucky.

The ceremony’s a blur. Luke’s head is spinning and it all goes so fast. Before he knows it, he’s saying his vows, the words falling off his tongue from memory, but they’d really been in his heart the entire time anyway. He’s clutching onto your hand so tight.

The phrase “you may now kiss the bride” is barely audible before Luke’s mouth is on yours, pressing you both together as close as he can.

It’s after your first kiss that your fingers clutch tightly into Luke’s waist and you’re crying when you pull back, smiling so hard your eyes are nearly closed. Luke pulls you closer, holding onto you for dear life, his heart is so full he thinks it might explode.

“We did it,” you breathe into his neck, a secret whisper just for Luke, even as everyone’s cheering and applauding from all sides. It’s almost too much. He sways against you, arms locked tight around you back.

“I knew we would,” he murmurs, kissing you on the cheek.

Matt’s speech isn’t as bad as he’d promised – in fact, it’s incredibly touching. You, predictably, sniffle and giggle your way through the entire thing, much like the rest of the crowd.

The day passes in a blur of relatives and champagne, Luke and you slow dancing, Matt and Kristy cozying up together. Rossi wrapping Luke in a bear hug and muttering “I love you, kid,” with tears in his eyes.

Luke’s mom, who cried even more than you, pulls you close and whispers, “I’d say welcome to the family, but you always have been.” You hug her with tears prickling in your own eyes, at a loss for words.

It’s frantic, fast-paced and fun, a sensory overload. Luke barely gets time to eat a slice of his own wedding cake. He’s not sure what he’s going to remember about the day, but he knows that it’ll be good. Maybe something with your hand on his back, or the feeling of your cheek pressed to his while you dance, just swaying together under the soft lights.

“Will you kiss me?” you ask Luke towards the end of the night, when you’re almost the last two left dancing. Luke smiles down at you, cupping your face, eyes incredibly fond.

“Always.”

#luke alvez fluff #luke alvez imagine #luke alvez fic #luke alvez x reader fic #luke alvez x reader imagine #luke alvez x reader fanfic #luke alvez x reader #luke alvez fanfiction #luke alvez fanfic #luke alvez x reader fanfiction #luke alvez x reader fluff #criminal minds x reader imagine #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader fanfic #criminal minds x reader fic

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cedriccullen00 · 4 years

Text

it’s not like that.

-your jaspers mate

-he gets jealous as he hears mike flirt with you

-lots of fluff

I let a chuckle escape through my lips as I walked beside Bella and Edward down the hall. “C’mon Y/N, you know it’s true.” Bella said elbowing me in the ribs lightly. “S’not true. He wasn’t drooling. He was just... shocked?” I said making her and myself laugh. “You don’t want to know what he was thinking.” Edward said smirking as he looked at me. “Oh shut up Edward, you disgusting perv.” I said with a smile, Bella wiped her eyes that got wet from laughing so hard. “Look all I’m saying is that he was imagining you ti-,” he started and I threw my hand over his mouth. “Okay, okay, enough.” I groaned and he took my my wrist to remove my hand from his mouth. “It doesn’t take a mind reader to know what he was imaging.” Bella said from the other side of Edward. “And to believe you are my best friend Swan.” I said shaking my head and she rolled her eyes playfully. “Look it’s your class, so go.” Edward said pushing me a little towards the Math room. “Fine. Bye Bells, bye perv.” I said smirking and Edward took his hand and pushed my head in a sibling manor while Bella waved at me. “See you at lunch Mrs.Newton.” she teased and I made a gagging noise as I stuck my finger at my mouth, her and Edward laughed before they walked away. I turned around and huffed, I hated math.“You’re late Ms.Cullen.” the teacher said as I walked through the door. “Should I apologize?” I asked smiling at her and she frowned. “I thought your mother would’ve raised you better than that.” she murmured. “And I thought going to college and getting a degree made you smart. Guess we’re both wrong.” I said with a shrug and I heard Emmett give a low chuckle. “Take your seat. Now.” she snapped and I saluted her before walking to the empty seat beside Emmett. “You are such an asshole.” he whispered to me with a wide smile on his face as I slid into the seat. “I’ve had 78 years to learn from the best.” I said looking at him and he grabbed his notebook and hit me on the head. The sound was not loud but the people near us probably thought he just smashed a pan on my head. “Bitch.” I grumbled at him and he winked at me. “Cullens! Get yourselfs together or I’m calling your father! You two know he’d be very disappointed.” the teacher snapped again from the front of the room. “If you want to call him I can give you my phone.” Emmett said from beside me. “Or you can use mine! It’s red and has a cute little ringtone.” I said after him darting my eyes at the teacher. “Out of my class both of you!” she screeched. Emmett and I stood up slinging our bags over our shoulders. “Bye teach. See ya Monday.” I said as I strode by her. “Or not.” Emmett added behind me winking at the teacher. As soon as we were in the hallway he gave turned to me smiling. “Sweet.” he said raising his fist for a fist bump. “Right? Hope she doesn’t call Carlisle though, that’s the 5th time we’ve pulled a stunt like that this month.” I said smiling at my big brother as we started to walk down the hall. “Who cares, we’ve been taking classes like that for 50 years.Let’s go relax before lunch.” he said and I nodded. “Your smart.” I murmured and he chuckled. “Why thank you.” he responded.

“There they are.” Alice said looking up as Emmett and I walked closer to the table. “I don’t like the way you said that.” I said to my sister as I sat next to Jasper, my mate. “You’re in big trouble darlin’.” he said as I rested my head on his shoulder. “Oh yeah? And why’s that cowboy?” I asked and he chuckled. “We heard your smart remarks towards the teacher.” he said and I sighed. “Not just mine, you heard Emmetts too.” I commented looking at my brother. “Oh of course we did, but you’re going to get in more trouble with Carlisle than Emmett is.” Alice said smirking and I groaned. “How bad?” I asked and Edward smirked. “We’re talking 4 lectures at once bad.” he said and I groaned again. “Please, please, please tell me he isn’t making me-,” I started but Rosalie finished. “Apologize to the teacher and by her a bouquet of flowers. Yep, he is.” she said and I nuzzled my head into Jaspers neck. “Take me to the Volturi.” I muttered and they all laughed. “I want to know how bad Emmetts getting it.” Bella said laying her head in the palm of her hand. “Yeah I’m with her! Take the steam off me!” I exclaimed taking my head off of Jasper looking up with a smile. “He’s only getting one lecture and he has to simply apologize.” Jasper said and I huffed. “I don’t the vibes here even though I’m next to Jasper so I’m excusing myself to go... I don’t know to the car I guess.” I said with a shrug. I got up and Jasper did too, I looked at him with furrowed brows and he laughed. “What? It’s not like I’m going to eat anything.” he said smiling. Bella have a small giggle along with Alice as he grabbed my hand softly and lead me out of the cafeteria. “You have to admit some of remarks were funny.” I said with a shrug and he laughed quietly. “Yes I will admit one of them had me laughing during my history test. But was it worth it?” he asked looking down at me and I nodded. “Obviously, c’mon I’ve dealt with angry Carlisle before. Remember?” I asked and he nodded. “How could I not darlin’? It was the highlight of my 1947.” he said smirking and I punched him lightly, well as lightly as a vampire with non-human strength could. “It was hilarious. You jumped from the stands onto the Yankees baseball field screaming, ‘Let me pitch! Let me pitch!’ and ‘C’mon my grandma can hit the ball better than you!’” he said mimicking my voice, his accent poking through at points. “Hey, I was just telling the truth.” I said with a shrug and a giggle. “Carlisle was so mad, you know he still refuses to ever go to New York again? He says he’ll never do it. He even stopped watching the Yankees!” Jasper exclaimed and I started laughing really hard. “He did... didn’t...he.” I said in between laughs while Jasper laughed with me. After a second out laughter settled and I sighed shaking my head. “What if this was the last straw? What if he kicks me out of the coven?” I asked suddenly getting worried, I’m not necessarily bad I just like making jokes and teasing people, Carlisle knew that. “He would never do that.” Jasper whispered as we walked hand in hand in the opposite direction of the jeep. “Jasper you don’t know that. He may think I’ve gone reckless. Oh god what if he sends me to Tanya?!” I asked, my left hand rising to my mouth. “He knows you don’t get along with her, he’d rather send you to the Irish coven.” he said smirking and I frowned. “He wouldn’t do that sweetheart, if he did he’d be losing me too.” he whispered softly and I looked up at him. “Really?” I asked and he nodded bending down to plant a soft cool kiss to my lips. “Of course.” he murmured, leaning back. I smiled at him as he started to lead us to the library after our sudden stop for the kiss.

“I’m not interested Mike.” I said in a sing song voice as I walked out of the school, Mike Newton on my tail. “Oh c’mon Cullen, leave your creepy blonde for one evening and I’ll my you fall for me.” he said as I walked to Bella’s car, I didn’t want to lead Mike to Jasper. “Sorry all my evenings are booked.” I said with a shrug and he huffed. “Have you always played hard to get?” he asked and I came to a stop and turned sharply to him. “I’m not playing hard to get. I have a boyfriend and you need to respect that.” I snapped and he smirked. “She’s feisty.” he said and I bawled my hands into fists. “And he’s an ass.” I growled and he chuckled. “I’d like to see that ass.” he said and I raised my hand up. Before my hand could make contact with his face strong arms were around me. “Shhh stand down.” Edward whispered softly. “What did you say to my little sister?” Emmett asked as he softly pushed Edward and I aside. “N-nothing.” Mike stuttered looking up at my older brother and frowned. “Oh I think you did. Come with me pretty boy.” he growled before taking Mike by the arm and dragging him away. “And you come with me.” Jasper grumbled taking my hand and yanking me from Edwards grip. He lead me across the parking lot and to Emmetts jeep, he was so angry you didn’t need his power to tell. He let go of my hand and climbed into the driver seat as I walked to the passenger side. “Jasper...” I whispered and he shook his head. “Maybe he was right! Maybe you should leave your creepy blonde boyfriend...or husband I should say!” he shouted as he started the vehicle and angrily pulled out of the parking space. “I’m sorry but do you hear yourself?! You sound insane!” I shouted and he scoffed. “Do I sound insane or do I sound smart!? Maybe you should go home and destroy your wedding ring, then call up ol’ buddy back there!” he spat and I shook my head and crossed my arms. “You really think I’d leave you. I expected you to think higher of me.” I growled and he pushed harder on the gas pedal. “Maybe you should leave, you obviously deserve better. Maybe not Newton but better.” he growled and that was all it took. “Stop the car.” I ordered but he didn’t listen. “No.” he shot back. “STOP THE DAMN CAR JASPER!” I shouted and he slowed to a stop pulling to the side of the road. “What?” he growled. “I’m not having this pointless fight with you. I don’t know who screwed with your damn mind but Id rather turn myself into the Volturi and have them murder me than be with anyone else.” I said quickly. “But-,” he started but I shook my head. “You listen here cowboy, I didn’t sign up for you putting yourself down. You are the best man I’ve ever came across us and I’ll be damned if I let some white washed Forks boy change your mind! I love you Jasper, I always will! There won’t be a second that goes by that I don’t love you! So I’m not going to sit here and have this stupid fight with you because you think I don’t love you! I love you like a human likes air, like a bear likes honey, like... like Alice likes shopping. Okay, so get that through your thick skull!” I said looking him dead in the eyes. He let a strangled sigh leave his lips and he nodded. “You’re right. Love, I’m sorry I got that way you didn’t deserve it. I love you more than anything and I just didn’t like seeing someone else try to match their love of you to mine. Please forgive me.” he whispered lookingat me with his round honey orbs. “Of course I forgive you. Now come here.” I said opening my arms and he hugged me across the console. “I love you.” I whispered kissing the side of his head. “I love you too angle.” he whispered rubbing my back. We never fought, but when we did it always ended with us in each other’s arms, and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#jasper hale x reader #jasper hale x y/n #jasper cullen #jasper hale #twilight one shot #twilight #team edward

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peach-pops · 3 years

Text

streetlights || iwaizumi drabble

synopsis: reader recalls memories of iwaizumi on the subway on their way to the temple

word count: 1k

warnings: character death, angst

authors note: wrote this longish drabble while listening to streetcar thanks to my anxiety over losing someone i love ha. based loosely off the following lyrics:

seems like street lights, glowing, happen to be just like moments passing in front of me

you remembered why you hated riding the subway at night as soon as you took an empty seat in the back.

on the way to school in the morning, the subway would be crammed with businessmen, students, and tourists of the like being shoulder to shoulder. as crowded as it would be, it would be easy to lose a face in the crowd. that wasn’t the case now.

your train in particular only had five other people who were scattered in random seats across the cart and as average as they were, you subconsciously observed them. as the train continued to shake and make its way to the quieter side of the city, you knew you would remember their faces for the rest of your life.

if that was the case for yourself, you wondered how others on the train would observe you at that moment. you sat up a bit straighter and your grip on the bouquet of flowers tightened.

you felt self-conscious at the thought of strangers judging you, pitying you. usually, you never cared but for them to witness you in such a vulnerable state made your chest feel tight.

by the grace of God, the lights on the subway had flickered off. the passengers paid no attention to the absence of light on the train, some were too busy in their own heads to even realize they were all surrounded by darkness.

the only source of light came from japan’s skyline and the tinted streetlamps that were stationed along the track. to pass the time, you tried to count each streetlamp as the train rushed by it but you quickly lost count when your mind thought of him again.

you could feel yourself starting to get overwhelmed so you focused on the streetlights instead. of course, something about the cool hues and halos of the lights made you think of him, even though you were trying to distract yourself and do the opposite.

you remembered that one night by iwaizumi’s side, parked on some lonely road with the two of you lying on the hood of his dad’s beat-up car. the impromptu star-gazing date was a direct result of his car breaking down yet again, but instead of throwing a fit, you ushered him out of the car to point out a few constellations.

iwa thought you were insane but he followed you out of the car anyway. while the tow truck was on its way, the two of you spoke softly back and forth. every now and then, he would press a kiss as light as a feather onto your temple that would stop your train of thought momentarily before you would go back to talking about the stars.

you remembered the time you had forgotten your coat after practice and iwaizumi, being the gentlemen his parents had raised him to be, had wrapped his own jacket around your shoulders. it was unusually chilly for an autumn evening but anytime a sudden breeze picked up, you would squeeze his hand.

you were apologetic about making him suffer because of your forgetfulness but iwaizumi didn’t mind as long as he got to hold your hand.

the most recent memory you had of him was from that sunday morning almost a week and a half ago. the sheets were tossed lazily around and the weight of his legs tangled with yours made your bed feel full. you remembered his sleepy gaze and his raspy voice making an incoherent “morning” as iwa lazily traced his fingertips across your back.

you tried to roll over to the other side to grab your phone but that only made him pull you closer to his chest. you pretended to struggle and you even tried to dodge the kisses that he kept planting across your face but that only made him kiss you even harder.

you wished you remembered every little detail of him on that last day.

you remember falling back asleep and staying in bed until the afternoon while he had left just before you woke up. you hazily recall him telling you that he loved you and that he would see you the next day but even then, you weren’t sure if you were conscious enough to tell him that you loved him back.

if you could rewind time, you would’ve never let him leave your bed.

you didn’t even realize you were crying until you heard a soft sob come from the train. you tore your eyes away from the streetlights and looked around, only to figure out you were the one who let out the noise.

you pathetically wiped away as many tears as you could and ignored the sympathetic gaze one of the female passengers gave you before getting off at your stop. you were thankful to be off that damn train but as you started walking down the abandoned street, you missed the company of the strangers.

you walked down the side of the road as the stars and lampposts shined overhead as if they were there to make you feel less alone, but you kept your eyes on the ground. it wasn’t until you reached the temple that your feet stopped moving.

you gripped the bouquet in one hand and the gate with the other as you hung your head down. the small whimper that came out of your mouth was almost as pathetic as before but this time, instead of holding it in, you took one shaky breath and bawled.

the sobs shook your body so hard, you had to hold onto the gate with both hands to keep your body upright.

you couldn’t bring yourself to push open the gate, no matter how badly you wanted to visit him. if you opened the gate, it would almost be you acknowledging that he was really gone and you weren’t ready to face it.

after a few minutes of crying, your grip loosened on the gate and you could feel the blood rushing back to your fingers. you couldn’t do it. there was no way you could bring yourself to go in there.

so like every day before, since the funeral, you turned your back to the temple where his ashes were held and pathetically made your way back to the train station. the streetlights flickered overhead, knowing full well that they’d see you tomorrow, the day after, and however many days it would take you to walk through those gates.

taglist (open): @boosyboo9206, @goopyartiste, @sugas-sweetheart, @kirislut, @estridries, @hannahalanib1, @ordinary-ace, @shoutamajiki, @yee-harr, @animatedarchives, @bnha-bakusquad, @mssyprsn

#iwaizumi drabble #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu drabble #haikyuu x reader #iwa x reader #iwa drabble #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi hajime drabble #aoba johsai #aoba johsai x reader #iwaizumu hajime #iwaizumi #iwa #iwaizumi angst #haikyuu angst #iwaizumi hajime angst #iwaizumi imagine

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my-arlington-academia · 3 years

Text

Cliffany part 2

O-kay, and that’s it! I don’t know if I’ll write a continuation tbh since it was just a silly little idea that came out of nowhere. (Although I did have some ideas for more!) I haven’t really been active on my fanblog lately so it’s not like it’ll make much of a difference though haha. By the way, I’m thinking about making my blog more "Dulcet-oriented" rather than just SE. I hope you guys don’t mind? Recently, I’ve been getting more and more into Black Tarot! So expect my blog to change a lil 🔮🕯🌌

--------------------

It had been a couple of days now since Tiffany’s last interaction with Claire, and while she was still ignoring her like before, Tiffany’s efforts in doing so had increased. The moment she spotted her in the corner of her eye, she would move at a faster pace, as if running away. Was it guilt after all? No, she just didn’t have the energy to deal with Claire’s annoying and unnecessary empathy. The empathy that she knew she didn’t deserve which made her feel even more frustrated towards Claire.

All she should be worried about right now is getting more followers on Instaglam, not avoiding a nobody like the plague. On that note, spring was coming soon, the flowers started to blossom and the days were getting longer which meant... that the "cottagecore" tag on insta would go trending soon, no doubt! And of course, living on the Arlington campus as one of its students, this gave Tiffany the access to its beautiful garden. Although honestly, she only ever went there to take pictures and this time wasn’t any different. She had prepared some tea sets and dresses for the occasion, all of which she would throw away once spring went away along with its "trends."

Carried by her confident footsteps, she walked to the garden. That confidence was only a facade though. She knew exactly what kind of people and who in particular went to take strolls quite often in this goddamn garden. But hey, it was 7pm and the sun would soon start to set. Knowing that Claire always arrives 15 minutes in advance to any meeting and most likely always wakes up at 6am, there was nothing to be worried about. Chances are, she was either doing her homework before going to bed like a goody-two-shoes or watering her weird-ass plants. Tiffany always had the horror of seeing these at Raquel’s parties. It just didn’t fit at all with the rest of what was going on in the room and ruined the whole "party" vibe.

In any case, there she was, searching for a good spot to take pictures and set up a fake picnic. That basket filled with different colored blankets, tea sets, biscuits, tea and a pie was way heavier than Tiffany had initially thought. Maybe she really should’ve asked for collab pictures with Trisha from the fine arts department. She didn’t really like her but when it came to follower count they were surprisingly close, although Tiffany was still number one of course. Still, if she had asked for a collab they could’ve carried those heavy props together.

After finding a good spot next to the pond, Tiffany set everything up in an aesthetically pleasing manner and got down to taking the pictures. She was taking different shots to post them one by one throughout the week and give out the illusion that she was taking those the same day she posted them. She was ready to upload the first one, call it a day and go back to the dorms without touching any of the tea or cakes. It’s all just useless calories anyways. As she was putting the tags on the picture, she started wondering what were the names of those flowers in the background.

"Ugh, fuck. What are those orange shits called again?"

"Marigolds."

"Ah right, thank y-"

Tiffany immediately snapped her head back. This annoyingly gentle voice could only belong to one person.

"...What the fuck, Claire. Where did you pop out from?!"

There’s no was she was there the whole time, right? It’s true that Tiffany could get lost in what she was doing once she was focused but it wasn’t to the point where she became completely unaware of her surroundings.

"I came by a few minutes ago... Y-you looked so invested in what you were doing that I didn’t want to bother you! I didn’t mean to pry."

Well, Tiffany could always upload those damn pictures from her room. Claire’s arrival just meant that it was time for her to leave. However, seeing that Tiffany started packing up her things, Claire panicked thinking that it’s her fault. Which was in fact, her fault... in a way.

"O-oh! You’re not going to finish your picnic? I’m so sorry, I’ll just leave! Throwing all of this good food away would be such a waste-"

"Are you fucking dumb?"

Did she not get that this was all only a set-up for taking pictures? It was obvious that Tiffany didn’t have any intention of eating or drinking any of that. Not to mention that after everything that happened the other day, she was still not scared of approaching her?

"I don’t give a damn about the food, it was just for my social media accounts you dumb bit- ... dimwit. I was already done anyway so you don’t have anything to do with the fact that I’m leaving."

"I see! T-then maybe I can help?!"

Help? What did Claire even know about- Actually, on second thought. This whole "cottagecore" shtick was a great fit for Claire. She probably already had all of the things Tiffany bought last week for those pictures, even better and more authentic-looking ones probably. This was maybe the one and only time Tiffany would let Claire "help" her. But from her point of view, she was mostly just using her.

"Hm. Is that so? How can you help me then... Claire."

"Wait just a second! I’ll be back right away!!!"

She ran immediately towards the dorms. Well, she'll probably bring a bunch of random stuff. In the end, Tiffany was really torn between the idea of staying and waiting for who knows how long and the idea of leaving right now. Surely, Claire would make a hilarious expression when she’d realize that she was played with and abandoned. While trying to laugh it off, Tiffany accidentally remembered what happened a few days ago, along with Claire’s crying face. Damn... Okay, fine. She’ll wait for her but only because it would be annoying if she bawled again like a damn toddler.

And so she waited until, from the corner of her eyes, she saw a girl with a pink dress running towards her. That girl, of course, being Claire. She carried a picnic basket with her too, but much bigger and more practical. For half a second, Tiffany thought that Claire actually looked maybe, just maybe, a little bit pretty. She erased the thought in a hurry, covering it with harsh words as usual.

"Wh-why did you change your clothes? You think I’m gonna take pictures of you?"

"Ah, no, well..."

Claire looked at the beautiful picnic set-up and the cyan dress Tiffany was wearing.

"I just wanted to fit in with the rest of what you put up, I guess. Also, don’t you think that we kinda match? I brought some of the cookies I baked and my favorite teas and tea set. I think mine will look better with your picnic blanket! Uh- N-not to say that yours looks bad!!!"

She was trying so hard to make herself likable that it was painful to see... and kinda cute. God, Tiffany was really hating her thoughts today. She was just going soft because of Claire’s aura or something. Again, this was definitely the first and last time she was letting Claire help her with anything. I’d be bad if she turns completely brain-dead and clueless like her.

"...Whatever. Show me what you got. I’ll decide if it’s good enough."

Claire was pulling everything out of the basket one by one. Everytime, better and better items were pulled out after the other. Her cakes and cookies gave off a "homey" feeling which was more fitting with the aesthetic rather than Tiffany’s store bought patisseries. Claire was staring at her, wide-eyed and excited.

"W-what do you think, Tiffany? It looks good, doesn’t it?!"

"Uh. Yeah, it’s fine, I guess. I’ll take a few pics."

That was a lie. This looked so much better than the try-hard bullshit Tiffany had done. She was good at riding on the "trend wave" but Claire was a natural when it came to this one specific thing. Tiffany was trying to look as poker-faced as she could so as to not show her satisfaction, but clearly, her apparent enthusiasm for each shot was betraying her. Sometimes, she would accidentally take one with Claire in the shot and ask her to move.

"Hey. You’re ruining the picture with your ugly fac- dress. Move to the right."

Before Tiffany could even do anything about it, Claire was already pouring some tea into 2 cups.

"Woah woah woah, put the teapot down. I didn’t agree to this."

"But...This is a kettle, Tiffany. Not a teapot."

"Oh, shut it!"

Claire gave off such a dejected face that Tiffany, once again, felt like she was kicking a poor puppy to the ground. She held back on going off on a rant.

"But we’re already here and the weather is so nice! It would be such a shame not to use any of this at all..."

Claire looked around, observing this beautiful setting, not to mention, the sun was finally starting to set. Going home right now would be like an insult to the utter beauty of this scene, it almost looked like it came right out of a fairy tale picture book. Without mulling it over any further, Tiffany took a sip out of her cup.

"I’m only doing this because I feel compelled to, got it?"

Claire’s eyes lit up nonetheless.

"Alright! Please try out my cookies too!"

Tiffany contemplated them for a second... is it true that home-made stuff is more healthy? Surely, that’s just a myth, right? A cake from the store and a home-made cake will have about the same amount of sugar in them regardless of who made them and how. Well, she did see Claire share her food from time to time with her friends and while she would never admit it, it is true that she was a bit curious about trying them herself. What was the last time she had eaten anything "home-made"? Or did it ever even happen?

"...Okay, whatever. I bet they taste shitty."

Tiffany reluctantly took a bite... It was surprisingly really delicious!

"It’s bad."

"R-really?"

As much as she wanted to lie about it, she couldn’t after seeing Claire make that dejected face again.

"Uhhh. No, um. Hmm... On second thought, it’s pretty average. It’s okay-ish."

Tiffany really hated herself right now. Being mean has never been this hard before. She couldn’t wait for the moment where they would be done with this ridiculous play-pretend and go back to her room. She tried drinking and eating as fast as she could without making it look like she was in a hurry to run away from this awkward situation. And God, it was so fucking hard...

Unsurprisingly, they were both pretty silent the whole time. Well, it wasn’t like they had anything to converse about or things in common. Right as Tiffany was about to get up and pack up her belongings, for real this time, Claire spoke up. Nervously fiddling with the hem of her dress.

"Um. So you know, I have something to confess to you, Tiffany."

Oh God, not now. As much as Tiffany found this timing annoying, she couldn’t help but poke fun at that poor choice of words.

"Confess? Oh my, so you like me in that way, huh? That explains everything."

"Wha- N-no! That’s not it! I mean, realistically speaking, t-that would never even happen!"

Was she implying that she could never like someone like Tiffany? Well, Tiffany herself was the one who brought this up but she was a bit offended at that statement. Regardless though, the way she was trying to deny it so hard was kinda cute. No. Not cute at all! If this went on, Tiffany would really become crazy before the end of this day.

"Last time, you said that I was only being kind towards others to profit off of them and I didn’t say anything but... that wasn’t true at all! I always wanted to help you because I thought that you needed it, I swear. Not to satisfy myself! ... Well. Except maybe..."

"Except...?"

"T-today. I admit that I kind of had ulterior motives."

Now that piqued Tiffany’s curiousness right away. Suddenly, she didn’t want to leave as much anymore if it meant that Claire would finally admit that she did some things for her own benefit. Why was it? Did she want to post a picture of herself on Tiffany’s Instaglam to fish for compliments, knowing that she had a lot of followers? Claire hid her face behind her hands and muttered a few words.

"I... wanted you to warm up to me."

"...Huh?"

That’s it? That was it? Claire’s ulterior motive was for Tiffany to "warm up to her."?

"So like, you want us to be friends or some shit?"

"Oh no! Not necessarily that far, just... good acquaintances!"

Is she stupid? There’s no way that she genuinely thinks those "motives" are bad. Tiffany sighed in exasperation.

"Listen. I’m just really tired right now, I don’t have the energy to assimilate all the shit you’re saying. I’m packing all of this up and going back to the dorms."

In complete silence, they gathered all of their belongings and walked to the dorms while keeping a fair distance between the 2 of them. As if to say, "we’ve got nothing to do with each other." Surprisingly, Claire didn’t try anything anymore. Didn’t even wish for a "good night" or a "good evening" which was weird to say the least. Tiffany tried to ignore it and when she got back and unpacked all of the props, she noticed something that didn’t belong to her. One of Claire’s lunch boxes with cookies in them and... a note?

Here’s my number just in case ;3 Please give me my lunchbox back once you’re done eating the cookies!♡

"...Your note makes me wanna barf."

So that’s why she didn’t try anything. That sneaky little... she must've slid that into the basket when they were packing. She already knew that Tiffany would eventually be forced to talk to her again... as if! Who says she’ll return it? She can just throw all the cookies away along with the box... Or so she thought. Tempted, she took a bite, then another one. And another one. Her diet was ruined for sure now. Damn you Claire and your stupidly great cooking skills, as if you needed another skill to be better and more perfect than you already are. Tiffany put the box away, trying to forget the delicious taste and smell. Back to Instaglam she goes. Uploading the picture while adding the "marigold" tag on it. Going through the pictures again, she noticed that some of them had Claire in the corner. She was thinking of deleting them but... well whatever. She can just crop her out later if needed. Her dress looks pretty so it’s fine even if she does appear in the pictures. All we see is a bit of her hair, as long as her face isn’t visible, it’s okay. Yup. It was totally not because Tiffany was slowly starting to feel something towards the girl she was trying so hard not to get involved with.

#sweet elite #claire durand #tiffany #cliffany #crackship #fanfics

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futurewriter2000 · 4 years

Text

Intricacy on Strings - pt. 12

A/N: I know. I’m making this super long and I know a lot of you don’t like it but I do and I gotta finish it.

The school year was over. You rode in that boat without your best friends. You rode alone with nobody but your roomates who has been there for you since the death of Perry Bash. She held your hand when you cried for him, when you broke down because of Fred and she was there for you to get you your first apartment, your first job.

You held it together. You had to. No more Perry and no more Fred. Six months. You got this. The hard part was over. It’s time to move on.

You looked around the dusty apartment, in need or repair on every corner.

But it was the cheapest you could find. Top floor and in rubble.

You loved it though. It was distraction. It was something you could fix, something you had control on.

So you dropped the box on the table, hearing it fall behind you and letting you laugh.

“Okay then.”

---

Who would have thought you would be done in two months? The flooring was done and the walls were dry and in nice pastel colour. The kitchen was the first to fix, living room was right after and the bathroom up next. The last was your bedroom, which was still in the making but for you it really wasn’t a rush since you mostly slept on the couch, falling asleep meanwhile watching the TV after work.

You were waiting for your paycheck so you could finally buy a warderobe instead of always picking your clothes from your suitcase and other parts of apartment.

You were a Hufflepuff. You needed plants, despite how much you would remember to water them, which would probably be once every three weeks. Professor Sprout would shake her head in disappointment.

You looked over the clock and the calandar underneath it.

October.

You felt a memory flash across your mind.

You and Perry would have had a one year anniversary in only a few more days.

That put a smile on your lips. He always told you stories of how he would celebrate it with you.

But then again he didn’t know that just two months later, after the winter holidays, you would go break up with him. That two months later on Christmas eve, Death Eaters would kill his parents, his little sister and him... him last because they wanted him to witness the death of all of his family.

Perry Bash. The Ravenclaw with aqua marine eyes.

You closed your eyes shut, squeezed them tightly until you felt tears fell from your dry eyes. All in that dark moment, you could have felt nothing but guilt and grief mixed with rage.

“He was so good.” you heard yourself mumble. Not to yourself but to whoever was up there, controlling who lives and who dies. “He didn’t deserve that.”

---

That was why you were at his grave, for the first time after ten months. Standing... standing and grieving at the sight of a gorgeous, marble grave made for the whole family. There was barely any flowers but mostly because his family lived all across the world.

You kneeled down at the foot of the grave, numb to the tears that left tracks on your cheeks, soaking into earth. You held a boquet of roses in your hands, squeezing them as you continued to read his name.

Pericles Indeevar Bash.

“Hm...” you quirked one eyebrow. “I thought you were just Perry.” you thought, not aware that you thought outloud.

Pericles. You knew what it meant. It meant glory in Greek but Indeevar. That was something you have heard of but not so often to know its meaning and origin.

“Glory.” you mumbled again, this time to yourself as you felt a wave of guilt wash over you. “At everything, huh?” you smiled up at the grave. “Quidditch, grades... even the stupid running.” you turned your eyesight back to your awfully painted nails. You started to peel off the colour.

You felt so afraid. So guilty... You felt your heart will tear itself all over again.

“I’m so sorry, Perry.” your voice was dry and heavy. You tried clearing it but it was as if something was scratching it from the inside.

You sniffed and wiped the tears as you looked up at the sky. Taking a deep breath, you realized just how cold October got. You were shivering but not from the cold. You were shivering because you were so sorrwoful. Your heart was drowning in it and there was just a small tip of the heart that wasn’t wet yet, drowning in it. And it held itself like iceberg. You didn’t want to drown in it.

Yes, you were scared.

Yes, you felt guilty.

Yes, you grieved but he had to know.

“I kissed Fred.” you blurted out, your throat sore. “I kissed him that night when you played against his house. I told him I loved him. I wanted to leave you for him- but... but back then I didn’t realize how much you meant to me until you were gone from me. Gone before I could say anything. When I lost you I felt like the weight of the world fell on me and I wasn’t able to breathe. I wanted to but I couldn’t because you weren’t there to help me.” you sniffed again. The runny nose was stopping you from your confession. You dragged it in and wiped every liquid from your face with your sleeve. “Those two months were the happiest months of my entire life. You kept your promise and made me happy every day and I was so selfish that I couldn’t have done the same to you-” you threw your head into your palms and started sobbing right in front of the grave. “I’m so sorry, Perry!” you cried, unable to see nor breathe. You were cold. “I miss you so much!” you stopped thinking and just cried everything you felt; a mess of words and emotions. “I’m so alone, Perry.” you continued to weep, wishing so hard he could hold you close, hold your hand, speak to you with his soothing voice, comfort you with his aqua marine eyes. “And cold!” you bawled, tightening the grip around you and holding yourself.

And when the wind blew against you like the usual October wind does, strong and dominant in its force, you would expect it to be cold and sharp because winter is around the corner but to you that wind felt as if it was hugging you whole, in its warmth and comfort, pulling you back on your feet and letting you fly travel away with him.

It felt familiar. It felt like an embrace, a gentle one that kept on holding you. It moved from your cold back into the front until you felt it only on the palms of your hands.

You looked up and stared at the nothingness. You wanted to believe it. You wanted to believe he was there because everything you had felt at this moment was excatly how he made you feel.

He made you feel safe. Safe and warm.... and not alone. He made your stomach fill with butterflies, your heart race and melt away the cold iceberg.

And your heart spoke instead of you. “I love you.”

Saying that caused something to squeeze your hands and from the tips of your fingers, the warmth spread all over you.

It was magical but it was real and like he always managed to do... he gave you strenght.

#fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagines

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fabulouspotatosister · 4 years

Text

Reset - Part Three: Mr. and Mrs. Smith

a/n: Here we are at chapter three! This one's a bit of a long one, so buckle in! I hope you guys enjoy this!

Word count: 5317

[Part One] [Part Two] [Part Three: You are here!] [Part Four] [Part Five]

You’re floating.

You’re weightless, somewhere. There’s only darkness around you, enveloping you, and absolutely nothing else. You can feel something pressing down on you. You can’t open your eyes. You move your fingers and something flows through them. I’m in water, you think, sitting at the bottom of the pool while the rest of the world turns around me.

I’m in water. There’s a pressure building in your chest. I need to breathe.

You inhale and water fills your lungs. You can’t hear yourself scream – you can only hear the quickening of your heartbeat and a constant drone. A distant humming, someone singing a tune you can’t recognize. But you’re drowning, you’re screaming, and then you open your eyes.

You see the Doctor behind a pane of glass, submerged in water too. He’s still, and peaceful. Though the water slows your movements you raise your fists and pound at the glass. There’s still no sound, and you’re not breaking through. But you need to get to him before you drown or else he’ll drown too –

You wake up choking, and with someone’s arms wrapped around you. You know exactly who those arms belong to, and it makes you panic even more – his arms around you should be a comfort but you just feel trapped.

“What’s going on?” you hear the Doctor murmur behind you, his voice still thick with sleep. He hasn’t fully woken up yet. “Sweetheart?”

You try to ignore the way your heart aches at the way he says sweetheart and focus on the way your lungs are burning instead. “Honey – wait, no,” you rasp out, “Doctor, let go of me.”

“Doctor…” His voice is still low and sleepy, and you resist the urge to start bawling in his arms right then and there. You turn in his grasp to face him, letting your eyes drift over the features of his face. You’ve never seen the Doctor like this – still half-asleep – but to be fair, you’ve never seen him sleep at all. “Oh. Oh. What’s going on?”

“I – I dreamed,” you hiccup, “I was – you were – it was so cold –”

“It was just a dream then,” the Doctor says softly. He hasn’t let go of you yet, and you don’t want him to. “You’re alright now.”

“Doctor,” you mumble pathetically, looking up at him, looking for comfort, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he says, and finally, presses you against him. The Doctor holds you tightly, resting his chin on your shoulder; you’re both hiding your faces now. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

You feel his hands on your back, rubbing gently. It’s comforting and it hurts. The dream feels normal – and maybe if you were normal and everything was normal, feelings wouldn’t be so hard.

The Doctor pulls away, keeping his hands on your shoulders. He peers into your eyes, searching for something, and presses his lips to your forehead. Your heart flips, and you really wish it would stop doing that. “Are you alright now?”

“I think so,” you lie. You watch as the Doctor’s face floods with relief and he smiles. Everything is alright for a little bit. “I just got scared.” Another lie, but not a whole lie. A half-truth.

“Scared is good,” the Doctor says, patting your shoulders. “Scared is good in a place like this.”

The Doctor sits up suddenly, snatching a small square of neon green paper stuck to the edge of your bedside table. He peels it off carefully and squints at the scribbly writing on it.

“Marlene here,” he reads out, “you’re going to have to wait until I can find a way to get you out of there. You’ll still have to follow the scripts. Good luck. There’s something on the bed. It’s written in Gargontian.”

You sit up and raise an eyebrow at him. “You can read Gargontian?”

“You could too, if the TARDIS was here,” the Doctor explains. “It’s a beautiful language.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” you say, and the Doctor frowns at you. The visit to Gargontin was mostly spent listening to the Doctor ramble about their technology and history. You just let the Doctor talk science to you – you enjoyed it, but he was constantly doing that thing where he spoke at breakneck speeds and expected you to understand him. But the trip wouldn’t have been as fun if the Doctor wasn’t around. You did get kicked off the planet, after all. “Something on the bed?”

The sun’s already started to rise, sunlight already bathing your bedroom in a golden light. Just looking at the sheets brings to mind hours of comfort, and snuggling. Lots and lots of snuggling. And kissing. Lots of that too. You try to hide your blush as the Doctor jumps to his feet and starts patting the sheets. He snatches an envelope from the foot of the bed and rips it open, pulling out a piece of shiny paper.

“It’s a letter,” he says, then sniffs the paper deeply, “ooh, lots of fancy script. Lavender scented, but they really tried. Here, you read this.”

He tosses the paper at you and you just barely catch it. It is really shiny, embossed with swirling patterns and shapes, and smells a lot like a marriage certificate. In flowing, handwritten cursive, it reads:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith,

Please join us for a tea party at the Central Hall Park later today. We’d like to celebrate your new move into our neighborhood and the start of a happy and successful marriage. We hope for your cooperation, and we’ll see you there!

A happy and successful marriage. How long have you been blushing today? Has the Doctor noticed at all?

“It’s an invitation to a tea party,” you say. “We hope for your cooperation? Sounds a bit ominous, don’t you think?”

“Marlene did say to kill time,” the Doctor says, pointing at the letter. “And no specific time. Time. That reminds me, where are all the clocks in this place? Haven’t you noticed there’s no way to tell time other than looking outside?”

“Can’t you guess what time it is?”

The Doctor rushes to the window and sticks his head out – the sun’s already high in the sky, and you can already feel small beads of sweat start to build up on your forehead. “Hard to tell in a dream,” he calls back. “All I can say is, it’s morning.”

You look at the letter again. “They said ‘later today’. I don’t think they’d want us to be late.”

The Doctor sticks his head back inside. He pats you on the shoulder and practically dances out of the room. “Then we can leave now!”

You already start walking – but out of the corner of your eye, you spot your nightgown fluttering with your steps and oh my god you’re in your nightgown. It’s made of a flowing, thin piece of fabric that you really feel doesn’t cover much. You remember teasing touches on your neck and shoulder in the dead of night – you feel heat rise to your face again, and you pause. “W-wait a second. Doctor?”

The Doctor stops in his tracks. “Yes?”

You cross your arms over your chest in a vain attempt to hide yourself. “I’m in a nightgown. I’ll, uh, have to get changed. I can’t really go to a party in a nightgown.”

“Oh?” The Doctor blinks at you, then looks down at himself. “Oh. Right. I suppose I’ll have to get changed too.” He looks up at you innocently – it’s incredible how innocent he is with his age – “I’ll leave and give you some privacy.”

You can only mutter a soft “okay” as he leaves the bedroom, softly closing the door behind him. You take a few steps backwards and look at yourself in the mirror. If regeneration produced any heat, and it must, considering the state of the TARDIS after regenerations, your face would be hotter than that. You lift your hands to your cheeks and feel the heat radiating off of them.

You’d said it before but the mind wiping made sense – there were too many memories that didn’t make sense. Thinking of them like you were actors in a role didn’t help, either. All of that lying together in bed, spending time close to each other was real, and you’d actually done it, and the Doctor wasn’t mentioning it at all.

It’s probably for the best that he doesn’t mention it, you think, the last thing I’d want him to think is that I’m actually in –

“Okay,” you breathe out, “clothes.”

You’re not trying to impress the Doctor. You’re not. You don’t even know what he likes (or if he likes, for that matter). Maybe I should wear a bowtie, you think, holding up a dress covered in ribbons. Maybe not.

The dress at the very back of the closet is the one that catches your eye – it’s a simple, white dress that stops right below the knee. It’s cinched at the waist and covered in lace, and as you slip it on it’s incredible how much this dress reminds you of your –

“Are you – hang on, what are you wearing that for?”

You startle when the Doctor swings the door open – and he startles when he sees you in the dress. He’s frozen in the doorway, his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open slightly like’s he’s completely lost the ability to speak.

“What?” you ask, “What’s wrong?"

“Nothing, it's just –” He falters, and flaps his hands around, gesturing in your general direction. Suddenly, he sighs, wringing his hands, and looks up at you, defeated. Something in his voice breaks. “That dress – it looks like your wedding dress.”

An image flashes in your mind – you and your husband standing together under an arch of flowers, surrounded by friends and family. Cheers erupting when the two of you finally kiss. It’s not real, you remind yourself.

“Sorry, it’s the dampener,” the Doctor says, sounding so exhausted. He glances at you, something in his eyes that you just can’t read. For a moment, you lock eyes, and you think you know what it means, but he casts his gaze to the floor again, and he’s as unreadable as ever.

Then – silently, and loud enough so only you can hear – he mumbles, “You look wonderful.”

Warmth swells up in your chest. “Thank you,” you whisper. “You’re not too bad yourself.”

The Doctor looks up at you through his eyelashes and smiles. Then your gaze travels down, and you snort – somehow, he’s managed to find a bowtie in the house and decided to wear it. He still looks quite smart, of course, but the bowtie… you giggle, and the Doctor frowns.

“Why are you laughing?” Then, more authoritatively – “Oi, stop it.”

You reach out and tug at the fabric. “Really? You just couldn’t resist, could you?”

“Bowties are cool,” he says, in the voice that he uses when he’s trying to sound smooth.

“Your point is?”

The Doctor ignores you. “Tea parties! I love a good tea party.” He holds out his elbow and you link your arms with his. He grins down at you, excitedly raising his eyebrows. “Let’s go undercover.”

...

The streets of your quaint little town are livelier today. You frown at the noise. You can hear beautiful birdsong in the distance, and passing conversations. You can hear music, from a few streets down, and laughter from the house down the street.

You can see your neighbors walking on the sidewalks, families and couples, and none of them are strangers. They all turn to face you as you walk arm in arm with the Doctor. They smile and wave, but none of them linger for too long.

“Where is Central Hall Park?” you ask, blinking against the bright sunlight. "Why haven't we found it yet?"

...

The houses in front of you disappear, revealing a big open clearing with acres of the greenest grass. You shiver at the warm breeze that blows across your face. Even the smell of the air has changed, from the smell of the suburbs to the fresh smell of cut grass and plants.

"Whoa," you breathe, "how do you move a park?"

"You don't," the Doctor says. He looks up at the sky. "But you can move people. You can move time. Look at the sun."

You look up as well - the sun's setting now, when it was high in the sky just a few minutes earlier. "Did we walk here?"

The Doctor wipes his brow. It comes away shiny, and now you can feel the beads of sweat just underneath your collar. The lace on your dress is getting itchy. "We walked here, and they cut it out. Like a movie, cutting out all the unnecessary bits. I don't know why I didn't notice before."

There's a crowd of people in one corner of the park, all of them standing close to a gazebo built near a pond. They're mostly dressed like you, all dolled up in lace and ribbons, and their smiles are so big that you wonder if their jaws ever hurt.

The Doctor nods towards the crowd. "There's our tea party."

Somewhere in the crowd, you spot a head of curly red hair - the waitress from the diner, you realize. She catches your eye from across the park. Her eyes are still bright, and they bore holes into you as she stops and stares. She nods her head in your direction.

"Oh - sweetie, we've been looking everywhere for you!"

A frail hand takes yours. You look away from the crowd to see a small, elderly woman dressed in a pink dress that looks more like a cupcake. She smiles at you, warm and welcoming; you can't see her eyes behind her glasses. Beside you, the Doctor straightens.

"Mrs. Smith, am I right?" she asks, her voice high and wavering, and you nod. "And this young man must be -"

The Doctor beats you to it, smiling politely, leaning forward to take the old woman's hand and press a kiss to it. "I'm her husband, John Smith. It's nice to meet you."

The old woman giggles, and you have to suppress one too. It's so strange hearing it from him, but it doesn't make you feel bad. "You've snatched up quite a gentleman, haven't you, Mrs. Smith? You lucky thing. Come, I want you to meet the others."

She turns away and hobbles to the gazebo. All of the people there turn to face you - they all raise their hands and wave in perfect unison.

You glance at the Doctor. "We're gonna follow her?"

The Doctor's polite smile drops. He adjusts his bowtie and looks straight ahead. "We're gonna follow her."

For an old lady, she walks quite quickly. She's already at the gazebo, chatting animatedly with her friends by the time you and the Doctor arrive.

"Mrs. Smith, I'm Caroline," she says. She gestures to the women standing beside her - one of them a tall, thin woman with sharp features, the other a younger woman more your age. They're both dressed in pink, like Caroline. "The tall one is Gladys, and the young one's my daughter, Michelle. Say hi, Michelle."

"Hi," Michelle says, crossing her arms over her chest. She doesn't look happy to be here.

"She's a moody one." Caroline waves her hand dismissively. "I've been asking Gladys to help straighten her out, as they say. But enough about me. Let's talk about you."

"About me." Instinctively, you reach for the Doctor - he's right by your side, and he lets you wrap your hand around his without question.

"Yes, about you! You've just moved here!" Caroline beams. "Tell us everything. How did you meet?"

"Follow the scripts", Marlene had said. You grip the Doctor's hand tighter, and he gives you a light squeeze. "Well, it was almost like he fell out of the sky."

You can feel the Doctor's eyes on you now. He really did fall out of the sky - in the clothes of his past body and a broken TARDIS. Confused, and a little bit sick, walking around like a baby giraffe with limbs that should have been too long for his body. He pulled you into the TARDIS and you haven't left since. "Meeting him was scary, but magical. I wouldn't trade it for the world. In the end, he stole me away, I guess."

The Doctor laughs, pulling you closer to him and leaning down to press a kiss onto the top of your head. "I'd like to make a correction - she stole me, actually."

Your mind pauses, but your body moves on its own – you stand on your toes and press a kiss to the Doctor’s cheek. You hear the Doctor chuckle as you pull away.

"How romantic," Michelle sighs.

"Yes, I think so." Gladys drawls over her cup of tea. She looks at you through her spidery eyelashes. "I'm glad you decided to settle down, dear. Especially now, when your life must be so fraught with adventure."

"Yes, dear," Caroline pipes in. "Young girls like you need to make their decisions earlier in life. I keep telling Michelle this, but she just won't listen."

You're still frozen. Why did you want this, again? Why would you trade a life of adventure for a lifetime of mundanity?

"Well -" The Doctor turns to look at you. You can only glance up at him for a second before suddenly being really interested in all the ladies' shoes. He sweeps his concern for you under the rug. "Marriage is its own adventure, isn't it, sweetheart? Hmm?"

"Yeah," you mumble. Sweetheart. It's starting to get dark, a gloomy reflection of how you feel. "Yeah, it is."

Caroline quickly perks up - the soft sounds of a guitar fade into your hearing. "Gladys, they're playing music," she says brightly, taking Gladys's hand and leading her away. "Michelle, you have fun!"

All of a sudden, Michelle in her oversized pink dress, bored out of her mind at a stuffy event, looks a lot like you. "Sure," she calls back, then she quickly turns to face you. She looks absolutely taken with the two of you. Softly, so no else hears, she asks, "Did you run away?"

"Yes," the Doctor replies, his voice just as soft as hers. "I started running and she decided to tag along."

Despite yourself, you laugh. "You call it tagging along? You literally begged me to come with you."

"And you said yes, so you're tagging along," the Doctor says. Michelle hides her smile behind her hand.

"Good for you," she says. "I'm stuck here until I find someone to settle down with, apparently. Sounds boring, honestly. Are you bored?"

"Never," you tell her, and it's the truth. "You can stay with someone forever and never have to stop moving."

You feel the Doctor tense beside you, feel his grip on your hand tighten.

"Michelle!" a shrill voice cries - it's probably Gladys - and Michelle winces.

"Sorry, I have to go," she says quickly. "Good luck, you two."

You don't notice that Michelle has curly red hair until she walks away. The Doctor lets go of your hand and turns to face you, extending his hand with a flourish. "Shall we, my lady?"

You giggle and take his hand. He leads you to a spot near the pond - you spot Caroline and Gladys dancing together without a care in the world.

The Doctor slowly wraps one of his arms around your hip, settling his hand on the small of your back. He takes your hand in his, and, like you've done this a million times before, you rest your other hand on his shoulder. Slowly, you start to sway to the sound of gentle guitar plucking, and the sounds of the night.

"Who taught you to dance?"

He pauses in thought. Then, "The Queen of England."

"You're joking."

"I wouldn't joke about something like that!"

You've never felt him so close before. You've never felt his heartbeats this close before - they seem to beat in time to the rhythm of the song. The Doctor's hand wrapped around yours is a familiar comfort, but here it means something else.

This isn't real. All of this is just following a script, living a lie until you can all go back to normal. And when you go back to normal, he'll never mention it again. You'll be back to running, running through the universe and running away from him. And one day, you'll stop running, and he'll leave you behind none the wiser. Stupid, stupid girl, you scold yourself. Your hand on the Doctor's shoulder feels so heavy now.

"You've gotten awfully quiet," the Doctor mutters. His breath just nearly tickles your face. "What's wrong?"

You want to tell him both everything and nothing. Instead you say: "I know you hate this."

The Doctor lifts an eyebrow. "Hate what?"

"This." You shrug, shaking your head. "Being slow. Talking to dull people. I know you'd much rather be on the TARDIS instead."

The Doctor's silent for a moment - and in that moment, you think you're right - but then a smile spreads across his face, like a ray of sunshine. Your heartbeat feels shallow in your chest at the sight. "It's not so bad, sometimes. I've got you."

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. A sliver of hope worms its way into your heart. "Really?"

The Doctor raises his eyebrows. "Out of everyone in the universe, there's you. It does make the dull bits a bit more bearable."

You're still swaying together, and you feel like you're floating. Hanging on to the ground with just a string, and if it breaks, you'll fall. The Doctor is so close now and you can't look away. You are drowning in his eyes, as cliché as it sounds. The unreadable look comes back - you watch as his smile grows gentler, as his eyes grow softer, and you recognize the look in his eyes because you saw it at your wedding -

It's reverence. The Doctor is looking at you with a look that's reserved for when he gazes out of the TARDIS as it drifts through space, simply admiring the beauty of the stars. He's admiring you, shamelessly, and you don't know how much of it is "your husband" and how much of it is the Doctor.

The Doctor leans his forehead against yours. You can feel his breath fan against your face, and you wonder if he can hear the way your heart is thudding in your chest. Just as he leans in further -

The world stops around you. Even the music goes quiet, replaced by the faint whistling of the wind. Everything, including the people.

"What happened?" Dread settles into the pit of your stomach. "Why did everything stop?"

"They're watching," the Doctor says lowly. He doesn't lean away from you, but he's kept his gaze behind you. "Waiting for something."

Everyone around you has gone completely still. The couples in each other's arms all turn to face you, their bodies frozen like statues. They're all smiling. Their eyes are like mirrors, and they gleam in the light of the moon.

An idea bursts into your mind, and you're scolding yourself again, but you lock eyes with the Doctor. "Hey. Do you trust me?"

"That's my line," he says, both amused and confused.

You untangle your hand from his and cradle his face with your hands. His skin is warm underneath your palms. "Now it's mine. Do you trust me?"

The Doctor stares at you, peering into your eyes and searching for something like he did in the morning. He seems to find it this time. "Always."

"Good," you breathe, and you try to ignore the way your heart is beating out of your chest. "Here I go."

You lean in and press your lips to his.

You don't expect it to feel so real. Your first thoughts of I'm doing this because this is probably what the people watching us want, and I'm just following a script - they're all washed away when the Doctor leans further into you. He melts into your touch, and you let your eyes slip shut. You're crazy for doing this and he's crazy for agreeing.

You don't even notice the music start up again. You're just completely lost in him, and the sliver of hope that's wormed its way into your heart starts digging deeper and deeper into you. It hurts, but it's real, and that's what matters.

You're breathless when he pulls away. "Don't tell me the Queen taught you to kiss like that too."

The Doctor laughs, and brushes his lips against yours. "I have so much I want to tell you."

"Guys, GUYS!"

You spin around and find Michelle bolting towards you. She comes to a stop in front of you, resting her hands on her knees, the hem of her pink dress muddied. Her red hair bounces as she takes deep breaths in and out.

"Michelle?" you ask, and Michelle shakes her head vigorously.

"Yes, but also no," Michelle pants. "It's me! Marlene! I'm piloting. Nice work, by the way."

The Doctor squints at Michelle, leaning down to take a closer look at her face. "You're piloting Michelle's body?"

"It's as simple as you think. Michelle isn't real, anyway, so it's not that hard to just take a microphone and a keyboard and just..." Michelle - or Marlene - mimes typing, then clicks her tongue. She glances behind her, and when she turns to face you her face is pale. "Oh, no. I got carried away."

"What wrong?" You reach out and grab Marlene's shoulders. She shudders.

"I couldn't stop her," she says quickly. "The Director. She found out what I was trying to do, and she's locking you guys in. Forever. I'm so sorry. 11B - If you stay here any longer, it's going to kill you."

The Doctor's voice is tight. "Why? Why would it kill her?"

Marlene shivers. "The simulation can only run on one mind. You had to go through three more resets before I could get the neighbors to an acceptable state without you noticing, because you notice all the time something is wrong -"

"Yes, and?" The Doctor takes a few steps forward, his shoulders hunched, and Marlene stumbles backward.

"11B, this is your dream." Marlene looks up at you with huge, sorrowful eyes. "We built all of this on you."

"Hang on, hang on," the Doctor raises his hands. "This whole simulation's based on her mind? A human? You said the wiping affects the mind - I'm a Time Lord, why not use mine?"

"Because this isn't what you want!" Marlene cries. "I'm sorry, I can't get you out of here."

But this isn't what you want either - or is what you want just the same thing with a different wallpaper? "What happens? What happens to him if I die?"

"No, don't," the Doctor says darkly. "Don't ask that question."

Marlene, teary-eyed, just shakes her head, and whispers another apology.

The Doctor mutters something under his breath, his voice almost a growl but not quite. You look at him and he pauses, his brows furrowed and his mouth set into a hard line. This is what he's like when he doesn't sweep his worry under the rug.

"Doctor, I'm sorry," you start, but he shushes you.

"Hush. Thinking," he says. "There's always a way out. A door, a door -"

You lock eyes with him, the same thought running through your mind - the blue door in the house that looked like the TARDIS doors that woke you up - "In the house!"

The Doctor claps his hands together and snaps his fingers, hope starting to bloom on his face. "Yes, and how did you find that door?"

"I don't know, I just... found it."

"No, you made it." The Doctor places his hands on your shoulders and shakes you slightly. "You made that door and Marlene doesn't have to make an exit for us because you're clever!"

You blink at him. "I'm clever."

The Doctor has that manic grin on his face when he's just figured something out, running on the high of discovery. "Yes! You're the architect of this dream - it's why the simulations never work; it's why they keep resetting us. It's because you're doing something so smart and you don't even know it."

You blink at him, and then at Marlene - and then, out of curiosity, you think that the gazebo isn't there anymore. The whole structure shimmers in the air and disappears. You gasp when it fades into the air, leaving a patch of flowery grass behind.

"You have as much control over this world as I do," Marlene says, a little awed. "Oh, we should have put a dampener on you."

"Yes, you should have," the Doctor says, his voice full of pride. "You can make us a way out of here."

Marlene looks around, frowning. "But there aren't any doors. You can't make a door without any walls. This place does have rules."

Your eyes fall on the pond, and you let the same manic smile spread over your face. "Rules are meant to be broken. Fancy a swim?"

"Oh, you're brilliant," the Doctor cries, grabbing your face in his hands and planting a big kiss onto your hair - you squeeze your eyes shut and grin.

"You two really are compatible," Marlene teases.

"Shut up," you say, but you're grinning.

The pond doesn't look deep, but tonight it looks deeper than the Marianas Trench - it seems to stretch all the way below for miles and miles. You slip your shoes off and wade in, feeling the pebbles underneath your bare feet. "I miss the ocean," you tell the Doctor. "We're going to a beach after this, yeah?

The Doctor catches up with you, standing next to you in the water. "Definitely. I think we should go to Helnypso - practically abandoned now, but used to be a tourist hotspot a few thousand years ago. We could go then, with all the gift shops, if you fancy that. Or we could -"

You shoot the Doctor a look, and he quiets down, smiling sheepishly.

"I'll be there when you wake up," Marlene calls, "try not to panic! Good luck!"

You wade in further - it reaches your midsection, and you let your hands float on the surface of the water. You feel like you're standing on the edge of a cliff. You look down and you can't see the bottom of the pond anymore.

"Leap of faith, then," the Doctor says quietly. "Are you scared?"

You are. Terrified. But - "Scared is good in a place like this," you echo, and you watch the Doctor's expression turn into one of wonder. You grab his hand. "Geronimo."

You take the plunge.

You’re weightless. There’s only darkness around you, enveloping you, and absolutely nothing else. You can feel something pressing down on you. You can’t open your eyes. You can feel your hand gripping the Doctor's, like a lifeline.

You’re peaceful for a moment, enjoying the silence – your mind is blessedly quiet, you realize, and everything around you is still. You can’t hear anything but the beat of your heart, slow and steady. But time marches on. And as time marches on, the world around you disappears, the murky water of the pond turning into the pristine clean water of…somewhere else.

You wake up.

Taglist: @hufflepuff-always-and-forever, @starlingelliot

#doctor who x reader #doctor who #eleventh doctor x reader #eleventh doctor #11th doctor x reader #doctor who fanfiction #jess writes #its been a shitty few days but i'm back! hopefully

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dangermousie · 4 years

Text

Even in the iffy machine translation, the end of the last extra story left me all sorts of emo. Sniffling from joy because this is so perfect as a coda and sniffling from sadness that I have no more.

I have been reading 2HA for almost two weeks, since May 31. I am a notorious speed reader (an average 300 page book takes me two hours) and I was reading it very steadily for these 11 days (though it was only the last few days where I basically stopped watching or reading anything else, obsessively binging.) The fact that it took me 11 days says something about both the immense size of this novel and the fact that I (a) reread my favorite parts mid-read and (b) had to take breaks from the emotional onslaught.

I went from disliking Moran and being not keen on Chu Wanning - the former was an immaturely evil reincarnation of a monster and the latter cold and unpleasant, as far as I was concerned - to bawling my eyes over both of them together or separately and being so invested, it was honestly a little scary.

Funny thing is I can pinpoint the exact moment I fell for CWN - when he throws his exorcism fee into the face of the evil elder who amply earned the wrath of his particular ghost and proceeds to restore justice. But I cannot pinpoint such a moment for Moran. I have no idea how I went from “I don’t like novels with an evil protagonist” to “I am sobbing over him so hard I want to barf” but there it was. I also can’t pinpoint when I went from “this is kinda random as a novel” to “this is really interesting” to “you can pry this novel out of my cold dead hands and then my zombie self will still fight you for it.”

But here we are.

I am always leery to claim I can be objective about something I loved so hard so I don’t know if my view of this novel as amazing is objective. All I can tell you is that it is impeccably plotted, has complicated characters and some beautiful language. It also hit my particular narrative and character kinks so hard they are still ringing - period setting, men with weapons, love beyond death and then beyond even that, redemption narrative, view of the power structures as hypocritical and corrupt, heroism, and above all for yours truly SO MUCH ANGST. I am a notorious angst vampire but despite that (or perhaps because of that), I don’t tend to cry over angsty things much. This novel made me full on bawl five times - (1) when Chu Wanning sacrifices himself for Moran at the rift and Moran realizes what has happened and the bit with the body and the wontons (2) Nangong Si’s sacrifice (3) Chu Wanning rescuing Moran from execution and fighting the whole world for it and then Moran dying in his arms and aftermath (4) destruction of Siseng Peak (5) the ending - though this time from happiness...And we are not even going to get to all the times I sniffled like someone with a permanent cold. Hell, I am getting sniffly now just thinking about it.

I could try to be objective and ask whether it would have been better to not have as many dubcon/noncon flashbacks (though for once, some of the sex scenes actually had to do with character development, which is a total rarity in any book) or whether Chu Wanning really needed to be the resident psychopath magnet for every psychopath in a hundred mile radius, but at this rate it honestly would feel churlish to nitpick anything that gave me so much pure emotional reading pleasure. Plus, one of the joys of this novel is how unrestrained, how far-flung, how gonzo it is in every way - from emotional to physical to plotwise. It’s like a feast with so much food some of it is going to fall off the table.

Don’t worry, I am going to go back to my regular scheduling programming soon but before I do, a little fun:

Favorite Character: Moran. Yeah yeah I know, it seems everyone’s favorite is Chu Wanning. I adore CWN and he’s a close, very close second, but I am such a sucker for painful redemption narratives. (Moran’s narrative is redemption of his character; CWN’s is slow revelation of his character.) Plus, he’s had the worst childhood of anyone in this book and you know me...

Most Hated Character: DUHHHHHH!!!! Past life Shimei. I am still pissed off he didn’t get a more gruesome death. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about him - even XSL, mad and evil as he was, still had a warm feeling for his teacher. But there was nothing but rot and murder inside past life Shimei. (I hate current life Shimei also, but nowhere nearly as much.)

Biggest OTP: duh! Moran x CWN is everything I love in an OTP. They literally died for each other twice. But it’s just wonderful to read about them in every way and it’s a rare OTP with big drama that I can also see happy in every day mundane surroundings. Nangong Si x Ye Wangxi are my runner up.

Best family: The Xues. Is there any doubt? They are amazing and loving and righteous. They managed to bring up Xue Meng who despite being loved and spoiled is a total pure, righteous puppy. They took in Moran and made him family (and even once they find out he’s not really family, they still love him every bit as much as if he’s their own; but then Uncle Xue was the best, most loving, and most proud father to Xue Meng, even if XM was not his biologically.) And they ran a cool righteous sect and were fun and warm and awesome. There is a reason why Chu Wanning, who is a paragon who every sect would love to have, stayed there for so long.

Biggest (for me) plot twist: there are so many, but for me it was the plot twist that Moran became Taxian Jun by absorbing the demon flower that controlled him and turned him into a monster with Shimei as controller voluntarily to protect Chu Wanning. That was the only way he had to prevent Shimei from turning CWN into the monster he himself later became. The bitter irony that he gave up his soul to protect CWN and thus became the soulless monster who reveled in destroying CWN is !!!! (Side note - I just now realized that alternate life Moran freaked out the way he did when he thought he saw Shimei with a knife while CWN was in seclusion was because he subconsciously remembered when he walked in on Shimei attempting to harm CWN with the demon flower years earlier (in either timeline) even as his conscious memory was erased.) Runner up: porridge. The fact that it was teen Chu Wanning who fed starving five year old Moran and saved his life and that it’s that encounter that made CWN leave the monastery and try to help the suffering world.

Character who died that you wish had lived: Nangong Si. Proof that being an awesome, noble person is not enough; I bawled when he sacrificed himself.

Character who lived that you wish had died: Nangong Liu. Yup, that murdering horrible monster made it through the whole book. JUSTICE where is it!

Coolest setting: I loved Netherworld. And not just because I am a sucker for Orpheus themes.

Angstiest moment: that’s like asking which pine needle on a 30 foot tree is your favorite. But to me, it’s Moran’s death after core extraction - when he asks if he has finally expiated and still worries he’s too filthy for CWN - my heart! And then CWN tucking in his body in bed as if he’s still alive and making food for him because Moran was always hungry as a child and so food is his love language. I was crying SO HARDDDDD!!!

Most wholesome character: Xue Meng. Are there even any other close competitors? He’s another character I started out rolling my eyes at and ended up loving.

Most romantic moment: Literally every single one, but to me it’s Chu Wanning coming to that hut at the end and finding Moran alive and waiting for him.

#cnovel #2ha #husky and his white cat shizun

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jawritter · 4 years

Text

Happy Valenties Day Sweetheart...

A/N: Just a little Valentine's Day Dean x Reader for you guys!! As always all mistakes are mine, and feedback is appreciated!! Hope you all enjoy and are having a wonderful Valentine's Day!!

Warnings: SSMMMUUUTTTTT!! lol. Light language, Dean being a fucking sweetheart, yes that’s a warning. SO MUCH FLUFF!!! Fluffy smut, unprotected smut, valentine's day adorableness, your welcome lol.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 3120

Want More? Check Out My Masterlist!!

*****MASTERLIST****

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You had been in a relationship with Dean Winchester for four years now, and while it hasn’t always been easy, you never regretted a single day of it.

No relationship was perfect. There were arguments in which you both said things you really didn’t mean, and some things you couldn’t take back. You loved each other with a burning passion, and you fought with one just as white-hot as you loved each other. You both had your moments where you couldn’t stand each other…

Then there were the moments where you couldn’t get enough of each other…

Nights of passion that burned so hot in your memory there weren’t even words to describe them. Nights that drove your love deeper, and deeper, bonding the two of you together; fixing your soul to his and his to yours. Nights that connected you on a level that people wrote novels and fairy tales about. Those are the nights that kept you going.

They kept you going when you didn’t get to see him for weeks at a time because of a hunt that didn’t go the way it was planned, or the nights that you spent pacing the floors waiting for the phone to ring just to hear his voice; just to know that he was okay.

The amount of trauma Dean had been through in his life made him a little hard to love. There were walls built up around him that even in four years he hadn’t let you past. There were some that slowly crumbled, but there were some that were still standing high and showed very little signs of coming down.

It was his defense, the way he protected himself, you knew that and you didn’t push him. That’s how this relationship has worked for the two of you as long as it had. You never pushed him. If he didn’t want to talk about it, you didn’t drill him, you just waited until he was ready. If he didn’t want to relive it, you sure as hell weren’t going to make him, no matter how much you wanted to know what was going on in that head of his sometimes; you weren’t going to do that to him.

You’d resolved a long time ago that no matter what you’d just be there for him, and when he was ready to bring those walls down, no matter what horror he’d had hidden behind there, you’d be there for him through it.

You were his, and he was yours. That means accepting each other's faults, failures, and mistakes. No matter how dark and ugly they were, Dean had some that were pretty dark, and pretty ugly. Still, you loved him more than you loved your own life.

Dean wasn’t a very emotional or romantic person. Years of seeing shit that would drive normal people insane had made him hard, a little rough around the edges. He didn’t know how to show affection a lot of the time like you would expect in a normal relationship with any other Joe Blow anyway.

Hell, it took a solid year for him to get used to cuddling. It was just something he’d never done before. One of those walls. Once he learned that he did enjoy the closeness he craved it, even if he still wouldn’t do such a thing in front of his brother to this day. He now would drag the two of you off to your shared room at night after everyone had settled in for the day, or after a particularly bad hunt just so he could lay next to you and cuddle with you.

The holidays were a whole other wall altogether, one that would make the builders of Jericho take note. He didn’t like very many holidays at all, except for Halloween that is, and you were pretty sure that was just because of the free candy.

You can still remember the first time he bought you a Christmas present. It was about six months into your relationship. You knew how he felt about the holidays, so you didn’t even bother trying to make a big deal out of it. You just bought him a bottle of his favorite whiskey and left it in his room on Christmas eve; not making a big deal out of it cause you knew he hated that.

Much to your surprise, the next night there was a box on your bed with a bracelet inside of it. You never took it off from that night on.

Standing in the check out line at the supermarket for the supply run that you’d gone on you hadn’t even realized it was February 14th until you saw a young man holding a box of chocolate-covered strawberries and flowers in his hand. Which made you look around you, and there were balloons and different things promoting valentine's day sales.

Sighing to yourself you paid for your items and made your way to the car you’d borrowed from the men of letters bunker to make the supply run.

Valentine's day was something Dean had never celebrated with you. Sam said once that he was sure it was because he’d seen his dad break his mom’s heart setting dates and things and never showing up for it on Valentine's day. You never pushed it, you didn’t mind. You knew that he’d be home waiting for you by the time you got there, and you’d have him in your arms after a particularly long hunt, and that's enough. You didn’t need a special day for Dean to show you how much he loved you. He showed you every day in his own way, and that was more than you could ever ask for because you still couldn’t figure out what you did to deserve someone like him.

When you got home the bunker was surprisingly quiet. You saw Baby parked in her usual spot, so you knew that the boys were home, but there were no sounds in the bunker as you made your way down the stairs.

“Sam? Dean?” You called for them as you made your way toward the kitchen. Nothing…

Putting the groceries away you texted Dean. You were about to panic when Dean’s text came back to you.

“Baby where are you?”

“Hey, baby girl. Head to the bedroom when you get a chance. We got the bunker to ourselves tonight. Sam is with Eileen.”

You narrowed your eyes at the phone suspiciously. Why was your boyfriend hiding out in the bedroom and not coming to help you with the groceries like he normally does? Shrugging it off, you finished putting up the groceries and made your way down the hallway to your room.

Opening the door you found no Dean. Just a read box on the bed. With a handwritten note on a small piece of paper.

“Why don’t you open this and go take a bath. I’ve got everything already ready for you. Dean”

Looking around the room suspiciously you see no sign of Dean, but he obviously had something up his sleeve. Roll play and games like this normally were not his style, but you never know with Dean, he’d surprised you more than once. You never knew what the man had up his sleeve.

Reaching down you pulled the ribbon on the box in front of you and opened it. Revealing a new blood-red bathrobe, complete with a silk red nightgown, and matching thong. Blinking at it for a moment you ran the material between your fingers.

This was new, Dean had NEVER brought you lingerie before, he didn’t even like buying himself new underwear when he needed it, he usually just put it on the list and sent you to pick it up for him.

Shoving the pure shock aside, and deciding just to go with it, you grab your new attire that he’d picked out for the night, and made your way to the bathroom.

A few years back Dean had a bathtub installed for you, and when you walked into the bathroom It was already filled, little tea light candles littering the room, along with rose petals on the floor. Your favorite bath bomb already placed in the water and just simmering the last of its remnants away before dissolving completely. Which told you Dean was indeed in the bunker and was just moving one step ahead of you.

Walking over to the counter you place your clothes down next to the towel and pick up the next handwritten note laying there.

“When you're done come back to the bedroom, I’ll be waiting for you.”

After taking your bath per your orders, you dried yourself off, feeling a lot more relaxed than you did when you’d gotten to the bunker from the supply run earlier that day, and put on your new clothes. Tying up the robe around yourself before making your way toward your shared room again.

You were not gonna lie, you were more than a little anxious about what you’d find there. So far this evening he’d been one step ahead of you. Your heart was beating hard in your chest and you came to stop in front of the door. Taking a deep breath you opened it slowly.

You didn’t look up until you were fully inside, and when you did you couldn’t help but gasp.

The only light was a soft glow of candles that now littered the room. Red rose petals scattered everywhere.

That wasn’t the first thing you saw though.

In the middle of the floor, surrounded by rose petals, was Dean. kneeling before you. His hand stretched out to you, beckoning you to him. Slowly you made your way to him, tears are already welling in your eyes. You had never seen Dean do anything like this for you the whole four years you were together.

“Dean,” was all you could get out when you finally made your way over to him. You didn’t trust yourself to not start bawling right there like a lunatic and totally ruining everything he’d obviously worked so hard to plan.

Dean said nothing, just slipped his hand into yours, drawing your attention to him. His green eyes pierced through the dimmed light of the room. His features were calm, and at peace. It’s something you didn’t see from him often.

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small, older looking black velvet box and your heart stopped for a moment.

He turned it over in his fingers before locking eyes with you.

“You know how bad I am with words,” he said, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “But, bear with me okay.”

All you could do was nod. You were pretty sure that your voice wouldn’t work at all at this point, and even if it did you would start to cry.

“You are more than I ever deserved you know that? I never thought I would be allowed after everything I’ve done, and the life that I live, that I would be allowed to have someone like you. I know I’m not perfect. I’m an asshole most of the time. I’m hard to live with, I’ve got more issues than anyone I’ve ever known, some you know about, and some you probably don’t. I’m harder than I should be. I drink way too much. Hell, I’m not that good of a person the whole way around. Still, for some reason I’ll never understand you stuck with me even when you had every right to get up and leave my ass. I’ve deserved it on more than one occasion. I can’t give you a house, I can’t even give you a family, Life with me will never be safe, there will always be someone, something hiding in the shadows that wants more than anything to kill me, or you because of me, I can’t promise you that we got tomorrow. I doubt I’ll live to be an old man, there’s so much I want to give you, that I’ll never be able to, but if you’ll have me...”

Never breaking eye contact with you Dean opened the small box in his hand. Revealing a vintage style engagement ring, with a single diamond on a gold band, one that you recognized as his mother’s. Tears now falling freely down your face.

“I know legally I can’t marry you, the life I’ve lived won't let me, but we got an angle of the Lord hanging around here, and the way I see it is that’s more binding than any piece of paper in some courthouse somewhere. Y/N, I may not have a long life ahead of me, but I want to spend what I have with you. Will you marry me?”

You were struck dumb. For someone who said he wasn’t good at talking he sure as hell said a lot. Tears were blurring your vision at this point, your voice came out in a choked “yes” that you knew for a fact he probably didn’t understand, so you just stood there and nodded like an idiot.

Dean slipped the ring onto your left finger and was on his feet so fast that you didn’t have time to really process it. His lips on yours, kissing you with more love and admiration that he’d ever done before.

This felt like some ridiculous dream. You never thought in a million years that Dean would ever go this far as to ask you to marry him. You had spent nights dreaming about it, but never knew that this dream with him could be a reality, so you just forced yourself to be content with what you had with him. Right now though, as he backed you towards your shared bed, his lips never leave yours, his hands sliding the robe down your body to pool onto the floor before he laid you down softy, your heart was so full there were no words for what you were feeling.

Trailing kisses from you the sensitive skin behind your ear all the way down to your neck, Dean slowly slid your nightgown from your body as he worked. His fingertips trailing softly over your skin, leaving little bumps in their wake.

Your fingers made quick work of the buttons on his shirt, and he set up long enough to slip it down his arms and throw it to the floor too. Making quick work of his jeans and boxers while he was there. His cock already slapping against his stomach as he freed himself from the confines of his boxers. Already hard and leaking at its swollen tip.

He caged his body over yours, finding your lips again as he trailed his fingers lightly from the valley of your cleavage, all the way down to the thong that you had left, sliding it down your body with ease.

“You’re so beautiful Y/N, I love you so much.”

His voice was deep, ragged. Feeling like it vibrated through your body, and wrapped around your very soul.

“I love you too, Dean.”

Dean’s lips found yours again more hungry this time, but still moving slowly. Stealing your breath from you as his tongue glided over yours like it had done so many times before. Grinding his thick length against your already soaking folds. Your body begging for him.

“Dean please.”

Nodding his head he slipped the tip through your folds, gathering up your slick before he slowly sank into you. Falling into place perfectly. Filling and stretching you like only he could. A deep sigh leaving both of your lips as he completely filled you.

There was no rush. No pounding of your bodies together to find your release. Dean slowly ground against you. His hips never really leave yours. Keeping himself buried deep inside of you. His strong arms holding you close to him as he sucked a deep purple mark on your neck before making his way back up to your lips, claiming you as his for the world to see.

Thrusting into you slowly as he kissed you, grinding your bodies together harder and harder. His pelvis hitting your clit in just the right way, the constant pressure against your G spot as he ground himself into you was sending wave after wave of pleasure through your body. His name fell from your lips like a prayer. Soon the only sounds in the room were deep sighs, moans, and whispered affections as he continued his slow deep pace. Slowly, so as to not break the connection of your bodies he sat you up in his lap, hitting even deeper inside of you at the new angle.

His fingers holding your hips in a bruising grip as you help you grind against him, keeping your bodies firmly pressed together. Your head falling back as he peppered your neck and chest with open mouth kisses between moans of his own.

It was the most intimate thing you’d ever experienced in your life. The way he held you together, driving you both slowly toward your end. Bodies moving together. His fingers trailing little pattern over your back with the hand that wasn’t holding onto your hips. His body rubbing against your own with each movement he made.

The way your arms snaked around his neck while the other hand found its way into his soft tousled hair. Pushing, pulling, moving together. So familiar in a lot of ways, yet so different in others. This time deeper, more intimate, connected on such a deep level it was almost overwhelming until finally, your body couldn’t take it anymore, and the coil that had been winding white-hot in your belly snapped, throwing you over the edge in an orgasm so strong inside that it felt like it was licking at your very soul. Dean working you slowly through it, dragging it out as much and as long as he could before he spilled deep inside of you with a groan. Stilling himself. Holding your bodies as close and as tight together as he had the strength to. Your body milking his, greedily taking everything that he had to give you.

When you both finally had control over your bodies Dean laid you down softly on the bed. Getting up and going to get a warm cloth from the bathroom, cleaning you up, then himself before blowing out the candles in the room, and crawling into bed with you, pulling you as close to him as possible.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweetheart.”

You couldn’t stop the ridiculous smile that was on your face as you brushed your lips over his, exhausted, and more content than you ever had been in your life.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Dean..”

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