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#IM MOURNING IM SAD BUT ALSO HAPPY
alicerovai · 6 months
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⚠️⚠️⚠️ LOKI SPOILERS ⚠️⚠️⚠️
TO THE ANON WHO KEPT SENDING ME SPOILERS WHERE “LOKI AND SYLVIE WERE GOING TO KISS IN EPISODE 6 AND GOING SOMEWHERE TOGETHER LEAVING MOBIUS ALONE” WELL YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF BECAUSE MOBIUS HAS BEEN LEFT ALONE BUT YOUR SHIP WAS NONEXISTENT IN THIS SEASON AND LOKIUS ARE JUST IN THEIR AZIRACROW ERA. MOBIUS IS WAITING FOR LOKI AND LOKI IS WATCHING OVER HIM AND HE CAN EVEN HEAR HIM. SYLVIE PARTED AND THATS IT. THE ENDING WAS LOKIUS YOU BTCHES
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gjdraws · 2 years
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(On S5 and the tragedy of Daniel LaRusso)
As @variousqueerthings and I were talking about, Cobra Kai is written by hardcore Johnny fanboys. This is not inherently a bad thing (me, I'm looking at me I'm the Johnny fan). 
But yeah, it means we've seen some iffy Daniel writing. We've seen Daniel written as: petty (the rent raising), jumping to conclusions (the miyagi do trashing being Johnny's brainchild), hurtful (lookin at you Robby) but the one thing his character has always been constant about is: violence is a last resort. 
The thing that struck me most about this season was how this show, ostensibly drawn from roots of No Be There, has finally taken that dreaded U turn to glorifying No Mercy.
Because isn't that what they did with Daniel? A boy - who defeated not one but three examples of Might is Right, and two of No Mercy - that boy, caving to those philosophies? After Chozen even taught him a Miyagi Do pressure point method of "take away the ability to wage war"?
I've read analyses of Daniel's fight against Silver which paint using the Quicksilver method in a slightly better light. And they make for a good read. But.
But. 
TKK3 was about Terry forcing Daniel to do violence. In the club, in the AVT match. "From the moment I met you, I've been making you do things you don't want to do." And then the writers made Daniel do it again. 
If Johnny's themes are about breaking out of the cycle of violence/no mercy, Daniel's themes are pacifism and finding a better way.
The trouble is, the writers took pacifism to be "back down from a fight", and in a schoolyard bully taunt sort of way (yes i see the irony). Which is so tragically oversimplified. Richard Kamen managed to show us what it is in one line, where Daniel asks Mr. Miyagi "You could've killed him, couldn't you?" And Mr. Miyagi said yes. 
Mr. Miyagi's pacifism came from having seen the long lasting evil violence inflicts, and the Might is Right being inherently useless in the end. This is a man who survived the war, and the internment camps. He knows violence and its hurts.
The thing is, pacifism means more than "I dont want to fight you". It means, "I can fight you. But I choose not to, because it will gain us both nothing". Again, Mr. Miyagi karate chopping the head of a bottle, so that the racists would understand that fighting would gain them nothing. 
But our writers ignored that and took Daniel - horribly wronged (not once, but twice) Daniel. A Daniel who'd struggled for four seasons to live up to Mr. Miyagi's ideals because he believed in them. They took that Daniel and had him win against Silver in a beatdown. Not even using the "take away the ability to wage war" method in S3, no he took the thing he hated most about himself in TKK3. And he enacted violence using the way Terry had taught him ("I've been making you do things you don't want to, Danny boy).
So who really won? I know who lost. The man who said "no passion before principle", "Before revenge, dig two graves". The man who hated the idea of "No Mercy". 
It's one thing to show Daniel winning against Silver, God knows Silver needed comeuppance. But to take the karate kid, the boy who forgave Johnny Lawrence (the telling absence of Billy's touchstone for that character "You're alright, LaRusso!"). The boy who honked Chozen's nose, and gained a valuable friend and ally decades later for it. To take that boy and have him hurt Silver (in the way Silver taught him to hurt people) and feel only vindication... That was the poorest, cheapest way to show Daniel win. 
They misunderstood and laughed at Mr. Miyagi's "defense only" karate until the only way to show Daniel as strong and righteous and victorious was to use the way of the fist. And if that isn't tragic I don't know what is. 
Guess all the No Mercy merch makes more sense now, so sorry Mr. Kamen :/
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I swear I've gone through every emotion known to man.... (And then some) today...
#spiteful angry a little happy and proud judgemental upset sad mourning#the list can go on#its been a day#my thoughts#mom went to detox today and will be in recovery for a month#i already feel lighter with her gone#but conflicted because i wasn't there for her#but i couldn't be because she wouldn't let me#and genuinely i didnt want to be because she was simultaneously never there for me#but shes done more for me than i ever could've asked in some ways#but i also never asked to be born wish i was never born and feel like ive never belonged here#like i was meant to be aborted but was born instead#and yet despite it all I'm angry at the world for the cards she was dealt#for the way she was treated as a child#and the way no one was there for her and moved on pretending like all was fine#(some generational trauma she picked up and carried over)#upset at her siblings and friends for never being there for her like she needed (but i also understand that she pushed everyone away and im#In the same boat as them in that sense#but also shes my mother and im her child and shes never been there's for me so how could i possibly know how to be there for her#i hate being understanding because white hot anger and hatred is easier#so much easier#ignorance is bliss frfr#part of me is also proud of her for finally doing this#scared that she might get mistreated at the facility furthering her trauma scared of her relapsing and what that will look like#wanting to be a support fixture for her when she comes back at the end of the month but realistically knowing i cant#spiteful because where is her support system right now? everyone has failed her#spent years enabling and ignoring her#i hope she has a support system or can curate one because it cant be me#it just cant#mother wound
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coffin-flop · 6 months
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i know my cat knows i love him but does he know how much?
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new snw made me laugh and cry more than any of the previous episodes
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theghostofashton · 2 years
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My life won't be complete until I name the other lead in the historical fiction I've decided I'm going to write.
#but I've decided that the reason Jo and the other one get to stay together after the war without question#is because they always just claim they understand each other in ways no one else could.#it makes me kind of sad that they cant have kids so i might give Josie a husband that dies in the war#that when one wakes up screaming the other knows exactly why and is the only one who does.#because they were together through the whole war. they saw the same things.#i might also give one a husband? it wouldn't be Josie.#he would die. that would be part of the excuse too.#“well why don't you nice women marry soldiers? they know the horrors too#“she did. her husband died capturing Passchendaele and you want her to just replace him?#she is a mourning widow. And i am just a friend who understands.#i might give them both husbands. but it depends.#(Josie gives off agreement vibes. like they're both gay and in love with someone so they act as beards)#(whereas the other one gives off “im pretending I like men so he can be happy and i can be accepted” vibes)#but anyway i might give Josie a husband that dies in the war. and then the other one's husband would live through it and they'd stay married#but he would kill himself (within the year probably) as so many soldiers did. and she would be pregnant.#so that they could have a kid. because i think they deserve a kid.#god josie wouldn't know she wants kids but shed be such a good mom if it came down to it#but wait#ww2 if they wanted to sign up for it one of them would have to stay with their kid#I'd think Josie would be the one to go back and serve again. shes suited for it. she was in charge.#but she was wounded. bad i think. possibly just a leg injury but I'd love to go abdominal.#so she was probably honourably discharged. she can't go back. it would have to be the other one.#I don't think my heart could kill off either of them but especially not the other one if it would leave Josie and their kid all alone#james is rambling again#ocs#rambling#thoughts#writer#writing#original character
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naomithegiraffe · 21 days
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fabulouslygaybean · 2 years
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god. im scared
#realizing that i lost all of my teen years to trauma and bullshit like that. and that it forced me to be an adult way sooner than i -#- should have needed to be.#im turning 17 in a whopping 13 days and just. im terrified. like genuinely scared.#my family is having a lot of financial issues rn and im probably gonna have to pick up another job to help my mom make ends meet#and i think she wants me out of the house by the time i turn 18 so i gotta hurry.#idk how the fuck im gonna find a job where i can make enough money to help my mom while also letting me save up for an apartment while -#- also helping me cover all of my own costs BEFORE i turn 18. so food and medical stuff and clothes and such. while also having enough -#- time and energy to balance my final two years of high school AND somehow have a social life on top of that#i dont know how the hell im gonna pull it off. i dont feel like an adult but i have to be one already so i just gotta figure it out i guess#ive already lost the rest of my teen years. i shouldn't be sad about losing the last few. i don't have time to mourn.#my mom keeps saying that i need to stop stressing out bc its my birthday but like. the problem is my birthday.#sigh. i should be happy this month. im turning 17! im going to riot fest! i like most of my teachers this year! i have a bit of freedom!#but i don't feel happy. im just violently reminded that time has passed way too quickly and that im running out of time for everything.#im also violently reminded that i very much do not feel like an adult. even though it's only a little over a year till im 18.#i still watch cartoons and buy stuffed animals and have sleepovers with friends where we gossip about school and make pony bead bracelets#i cover my notebooks with stickers and laugh at immature jokes and have glow in the dark stickers on my bedroom ceiling#just. idk. i keep trying to catch up for lost time but i just have to keep rushing foward faster than i can handle. its weird.#sorry to post disappointing shit. im just tired and my body hurts and im stressed and scared and sad. nothing's going right.#in better news. after i get a job to pay for it i can apparently get a birth control prescription without parental consent in my state#i might finally be able to escape from my debilitating monthly pain! ill be able to function!!#im also gonna be getting myself a lowkey ugly rottmnt birthday cake from a grocery store because its my birthday and i can do what i want#so im still stressed and scared but ill have a day with friends where we can play games and do stupid shit and act like teenagers i guess#it'll be nice :')
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bunniekittiee · 7 months
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What do you think if Titan Bi-Han had returned to that MK1 timeline by chance and met his counterparts lover who remains with Kuai Liang and Tomas?? How would either react to seeing each other?? And what if he had lost her in his timeline?? Or something.
Bi-Han x Fem. Reader
Oh my goodness I love this so much! Seriously, you are all so creative! I tried to make this as sweet as possible! :,) Sorry if this is kind of short and abruptly ending, im doing my best to get through requests and also sleep off my sickness
It was never easy to come to terms with Bi-Han's betrayal. The night the brothers arrived to Liu Kang's temple without her husband, she thought the worst. Her heart was in her throat. The brothers held solemn looks as Kuai Liang gently told her that Bi-Han had betrayed them for Shang Tsung. He was never going to come back.
Her legs gave out on her as Kuai gripped her tighter, sobbing while she buried her face in his shoulder. The sounds of grief. How could he do this to them?
They were family. A somewhat happy family.
But that was never enough for Bi-Han. He always wanted something more.
Tomas and Kuai held her all night long while she cried. She cried like she was mourning Bi-Han, and in a way, she was. Mourning the Bi-Han she loved and cared for more than her own being. The Bi-Han that would never come back to her. It broke her, and everyday she reminisced about her life with him. How he would kiss the tip of her nose before he went to make plans, or how he would pull her in by her waist and softly sigh into her neck when he was behind closed doors. She missed him dearly.
As much as she wanted to be with Bi-Han, she could not leave her dear 'brothers' behind. Bi-Han had already abandoned them, they would be devastated if she left too. So she stayed. She was there when the Shirai Ryu first began their mission of protecting Earthrealm. She was there when Liu Kang had their swearing-in to take on the task that the Lin Kuei had abandoned. She was there with Kuai Liang and Harumi married each other. She was there when Hanzo Hasashi, not their Hanzo, invaded their timeline in search for a Harumi. She was there for many events after Bi-Han's betrayal, events that he was not there for.
Bi-Han never came back for her, and it made her depressed. Even though she would not leave the Shirai Ryu, it made her sorrowful that Bi-Han had forgotten all about her. In her locket, she still held a picture of him. Although his face was unsmiling, his features were softened. A look of love. She often looked at this photo, gently twirling the chain in her other hand. Sometimes she smiled at the picture, sometimes she stared at it sadly. She could never see the love of her life again, and she had to come to terms with that.
She often prepared their lunches and the boys were very thankful for that. She knew what their favorites were and how to make it correctly. Sometimes for lunch, they would all sit together and talk about old memories with the Lin Kuei. Often times, they were good memories. Ones that you could never forget.
However, by the end of the lunch hour, they would be sad. Sad that it had to be this way. And they hoped that maybe in other timelines, they were happy together. Without Bi-Han’s betrayal.
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The morning was fresh yet cloudy and the smell of rain was beginning to clash with the smell of breakfast for the boys. They sat at the table as they sipped on tea and talked amongst each other. She cooked as quickly as she could so they could eat in enough time.
“What a depressing day.” Tomas sighed as he glanced out the window. “Sometimes days like this make me feel sad.”
“I understand, brother.” Kuai Liang replied with a small frown. “I like the sunshine.” They both looked at her.
She caught their glances. “I don’t mind it. Bi-Han always preferred rainy, depressing days. Even though most of the time it was snowing.”
Tomas snorted. “That’s about all we could get was snow.” They all giggled quietly as they resumed back to silence. Once breakfast was ready, she served them heaping amounts of food. As fit as the brothers were, they sure ate a lot. They definitely cleaned house when it came to food. But she didn’t mind. She enjoyed cooking very much as it made her feel helpful. Although she had duties to attend to, they were not significant like the brothers, so sometimes she felt like she was not doing enough. They always reassured her.
Scarfing down breakfast, they helped clean up their messes and said their goodbyes to start on their day. She sighed quietly as the door shut. As much as she wanted to stay inside all day, she knew she could not. When there were rainy days, Bi-Han insisted on her staying indoors and every once in a while, he would come home early to cuddle in bed. Kissing her neck and shoulder as he buried his head in her neck. Sometimes his hands trailed lower as he kissed parts of her body. Most of the time, that initiated a long night.
Shaking her head with a small smile, she took one last sip of her tea and began to start on her day. Most of the work was fairly easy. It was not that Kuai Liang believed she could not do hard work, he believed that she was one of them. So she deserved to have lighter duties. Their warriors had to prove themselves, Y/N did not have to prove anything.
After about two hours of working, she took a break to take in her surroundings. She breathed in the rainy air, feeling her lungs expand further. But in the distance, she saw a glowing light that pulsated. Tilting her head, she slowly got up until Tomas ran up to her.
“Get inside now!” He said firmly as he grabbed her.
“What’s going on?” She asked with worry.
“Just get inside please.” He replied as she began to make her way back inside her chambers. She was confused. What was happening? What was that light? There were many questions she had that could not be answered.
She waited, pacing around the room as she so badly wanted to go and see what was happening. Was it Bi-Han? Was it Shang Tsung? The possibilities were endless.
That was, until Tomas rapped his knuckles on her door once again. She opened it, immediately opening her mouth to ask a question but he grabbed her wrist again. “Come with me. There is something to show you.” He looked excited. Her brain ran a million miles per hour as he lead her to the temple. She was confused why Tomas looked so happy.
That was, until she saw who was standing in front of them.
Wearing a lighter blue uniform with clean, black locks secured in a bun and his face softened, was Bi-Han talking to Kuai Liang. Her world began to spin as she stared at him. He did not look angry or upset. He looked content. That was an emotion he had hardly shown unless he was secured in his own home. His eyes were not hardened. They were gentle. His eyes swept over to her figure and they locked eyes, his own widening at the sight of her.
“My firefly…” he said breathlessly as he began to quickly approach you. She felt herself begin to tear up as he engulfed her in a bear hug.
“Bi-Han.” She croaked as her tears fell from her face. “Is it truly you?”
He pulled his face away to look at her. “I am not the Bi-Han of this timeline, but I am still him.” His eyes were full of love and joy. She felt her heart slightly sink. “Then who are you?”
Sighing as he pulled away, he began to explain the history of his timeline. Where Bi-Han was never that hard on his brothers. Where he loved them both and never tried to shun Smoke. Where he did not kill their father. Where he did not betray them and pull away from Liu Kang.
But as he continued his story, his face began to fall. “However, when Shang Tsung came to fight with us, it costed much more than I anticipated. And he,” he looked as if he was struggling. “He took you away from me. He killed you.”
Taking his hands within her own, she looked at him. “I am truly sorry for that. We both lost our significant others it seems.”
He hugged her again. “I am happy to be reunited, even if it is for a moment. My beautiful girl.” Her heart swelled up hearing those words slip past Titan Bi-Han’s lips and her eyes watered once more. He was so sweet. It was a little surprising to see him this affectionate in front of his ‘siblings’, but she had to remind herself that this was a different Bi-Han. Which meant he was raised somewhat differently. He wasn’t the same as her Bi-Han, but they were sure alike.
All three of them spent the day with him, ignoring their duties as they relished in their happiness. Kuai Liang was standoffish at first, but he warmed up quickly to Titan Bi-Han. How could he not? This Bi-Han was so much more affectionate and friendly compared to their Bi-Han that they had grown accustomed to. The coldness was replaced with warmth.
He was so sweet, always complimenting Tomas and his fighting skills as they all trained the ninjas together. Tomas felt his heart swell with every compliment Bi-Han had given him. This Bi-Han was so much more pleasant. It was as if Kuai Liang had possessed the form of Bi-Han.
Their day together had been an eye opener for Bi-Han’s family. They realized how much they missed out on with their Bi-Han. How much he took away from them. They wished to have this one in their timeline, but they knew he could not stay forever.
Eventually, the brothers said goodbye and let her be with her ‘husband’. They figured they both needed the time to be with each other.
“My beloved,” Titan Bi-Han said as they closed the door to her chambers. “I have missed you for an eternity.”
Leaning into his embrace, she gently kissed him on his lips as they laid onto the bed. Bi-Han caressed her face with one hand while the other held her hip. His kisses were cold but the way he held her radiated warming love. He pulled away from her and rested his forehead against her, his dark brown eyes looking into hers. “I don’t want to lose you again.” He whispered. “I don’t want to leave you.”
She felt her eyes water again for about the hundredth time today and he wiped them away with his thumbs. “Do not cry, my firefly. I will always be around.”
“I wish I had him… you back. I wish I had you back, Bi-Han.” She said quietly as he laid a kiss on the tip of her nose.
“I am here for now, my love.” He replied as he kissed her again. “Live in the moment, it’s okay.”
She wondered if it was considered adultery for making love with Bi-Han’s Titan counterpart, but she reasoned with herself in her head. He was slow and passionate, always giving her kisses and soft touches down her body as he became one with her. It was as if their souls were colliding and becoming one within each other. It was sensual. She had not made love with Bi-Han for a very long time, let alone another man.
He held her all throughout the night as their bodies intertwined with one another, basking in their warmth and adoration. He did not want to let her go. She was just with him for a moment, and he didn’t want to let it slip past his fingertips. But he knew he had to leave. But for now, he could enjoy his time that he had with her for now.
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starry-bi-sky · 3 months
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Hello Starry! I just had a thought about your Danyal al Ghul AU, and didn't have anyone else to share it with, so here we go:
If in this universe Bruce is Jewish, and Danny knows this(probably from a google search), he may wear a Star of David necklace to have a piece of his father with him at all times, since he knows he will never get to meet him. Or maybe the necklace sits in a box under a floorboard, because he can't stand the constant reminder of the father he'll never get to have. Maybe he observes Sam and her family celebrate Jewish holidays, or he learns how to by himself, but uses the time to mourn, instead of celebrate.
Anyways, hope all is well, and thank you for sharing your writing!
AAHHHH??? YOUR BRAIN??? Thank you!! I love sharing my writing, it soothes my need for attention lol. lmao, even. (Also how did you know i was thinking of my danyal al ghul au today -- i have an unfinished draft that i was thinking of delving into after my work meeting) also aahh!!!!!!!! im so happy that you wanted to share your thoughts with me about it <333
But dude BOTH of these ideas are soo?? GOOD and ANGSTY. I love angsty. Danny would for sure know if Bruce was Jewish, lil guy did an obsessive amount of research on his dad the moment he got his hands on a computer and figured out how they worked. Danny has like, a three inch thick folder almost on his father alone. Anything he could get his hands on, he's got it. That thickness is almost exclusively from his first like, six months in Amity Park. He keeps it in a box in his closet, along with his growing-folder on Damian and his achievements as Damian Wayne. He pages through it when he's feeling like mourning.
First off: him wearing a Star of David necklace to feel connected to Bruce. That is SO sad and I love it so much. He bought it with an allowance he'd been given when he first started living with the Fentons, he keeps it tucked under his shirt so nobody even knows he has it. Sam and Tucker don't until it slips out while he's hanging out with them and when they ask him about it, Danny very reluctantly tells them that his father is Jewish. When he's distracted, nervous, or sad, he fidgets with it. How this looks is that he looks like he's kinda rubbing his chest, like ungrasping and grasping something.
Second Off: him keeping it in a box under the floorboards. That is also so, so good. He's got it in the box along with a few other things that remind him of his father and Damian and his mother. He takes it out when he's feeling particularly lonely and homesick, it's a feeling that never really goes away even after five years of living in Amity Park. It's like a longing for something you'll never see again, but isn't that just how grief works? i can just imagine him sitting against the bed, late at night and back from patrol. He's still in his ghost form, his katana laid on the ground next to him, and his almost bird-like cape pooling down beside him as he cups the necklace in his hand like he's cradling an egg. Maybe he's bleeding from somewhere, and he's telling the necklace about patrol, murmured soft in Arabic.
When he finds out Sam is Jewish he probably, after much consideration, asks if he can observe their holidays -- after all, researching Jewish holidays only does so much. Sam agrees when he explains why, much to her parents chagrin, and he sometimes tags along. But once he gets an understanding of how they go, he starts doing it on his own. Somewhat. He celebrates with Sam for most of it, and then has some time to himself where he celebrates it on his own. So it's a little bit of both.
^^^ which brings me to thinking about my danyal snippet here where Sam is at a Wayne gala and tears into her parents over Danny in front of Bruce. And it's making me think of, with this idea in mind, Sam in a moment of emotional impulsivity, saying "I know that he wears a Star of David because his father is Jewish and he wants to be closer to him, because he loves him so very fucking much." And while saying that, briefly makes direct eye contact with Bruce as a way to tell him "I know you're his fucking dad. Look at the son you have left behind."
If only for the emotional gut punch that can leave Bruce with. 🥰
Thank you for the ask! I had a lot of fun responding to it, have a fantastic evening/day/night.
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sporeblossom · 1 year
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logging back onto this website to say that while i dont think (???) it was intentionally done, the scene before their "last day" where frank is working on a portrait of bill, reminded me of keith haring's "unfinished painting"
comparison here before i explain:
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keith haring's painting was purposely made to look incomplete. haring was diagnosed with HIV in late 1988, and died in early 1990, at the age of 31. the painting is a self portrait, hitting us with the gut-punch reality of how the aids-epidemic robbed haring of the right to finish his own story. the overwhelming amount of empty space is a glaring reminder that haring didn't just have a short life, he had an incomplete one. the piece points to all that empty space and says: this should have been filled out. this should all have been my art, my story, and my space. by claiming this empty space, haring claimed the empty space of his unlived life, that was taken from him and so many other people, by a negligent and homophobic society that refused to care about the pandemic ravaging an entire community worldwide.
now back to my original point: like i said, im really not sure if this was intentionally done by the show. but when i was watching this episode and i saw this scene, i immediately thought of this painting. the blue color of the eye trailing off onto the blank part of the canvas is, at least to me, a strong visual parallel.
and i feel like this visual parallel highlights some very important thematic parallels as well, which deserve to be talked about. in the show, the outbreak starts in 2003 which means that bill and frank have both lived through the aids-epidemic. they have seen people like them die. they have experienced the hatred and isolation that came with it. you could speculate and read into things ad nauseaum, but i thinks it's safe to say that in this place and time, this also plays into how careful and hesitant they are, when they first start to show intimacy with each other. in their world, they didn't even get to experience the legalization of gay marriage.
seeing as this show takes place during another, fictional, pandemic, airing at a time where the real world has just faced another actual pandemic, it is impossible to ignore this aspect of their story.
these two characters however, are not destroyed by the outbreak in the show. they find each other, they experience freedom, love, and a full life together. their life is not cut short.
in an absurd twist of fate, when the rest of the world is finally forced to experience what it's like to be abandoned by your government during a devastating epidemic, this is when these two people find happiness. they get to go running, and have fights, and grow strawberries, and have friends over for dinner.
and after spending nearly twenty years together, frank spends his last time working not on a self portrait, but on a portrait of bill, the love of his life. this is the sort of thing that rightfully should have filled the empty space of haring's work. finding love(s) spending your time together, that is a life lived.
and yet frank's painting is unfinished, because of course we are never truly done living. we are never truly done loving. but he got so much more time, so much more story, than the people we lost to the aids epidemic, which the trailing off blue paint reminds us of.
at the same time their house is absolute filled with all the paintings that frank did finish, showing us all the good days he got with bill. and in a way, i feel like that is the show being very aware of what it is: a complete, beautiful story about two men loving each other, in a world that sorely lacks these stories. a world where we had so many unfinished, incomplete lives, that we lack an entire generation of older gay men.
and even though i was completely reduced to tears by the end of this episode, the ending still filled me with some sort of mournful joy. because yes, even though it was incredibly sad to see their last day, these two men got to fill so much of their empty space. they got to experience love, and they got to live their life. like bill says: "im old. im satisfied. and you were purpose."
so many people didn't get that. keith haring didn't get that. a whole generation of queer people didn't get that. that makes this episode so much more moving for me, because it is not just an incredibly beautiful love story, but it is an incredibly beautiful love story that the world should rightfully have seen millions more of. but all those lives were incomplete.
so with the undeniable, but unspoken, presence of the aids epidemic in the narrative of these characters, this visual reference to keith haring and aids, purposeful or not, is incredibly meaningful.
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naffeclipse · 2 months
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PLEASE i jsut read the finale chapter and IM SO .
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BANGING MY FIST ON THE GROUND he was SO SAD AT THE END?? HES SO HRRHBGHRGHRFHRHRGHRRG i feel like a proud parent somehow like yeah that violently inclined orca mer just put someone else's feelings above his own. yeah he can be selfless. all in a day's worth of character development <3
im still sad about it tho </3 he was just- UGHHHHHH HE WAS SO DESPERATE TO KEEP THEM BUT HE LET THEM GO AND . AHHHHHHH. "Over the wind, you hear a mournful tune cried out, ringing out his love and anguish." WHAT IF I CRIED. WHAT IF I CRIEDDDDDDDDD. AND THEN HE WAS STILL PROTECTIVE EVEN WITH A GAPING WOUND IN HIS SHOULDER? GOODBYE. passing away now
also. orclipse rly out here waxing poetry. "'When the night takes the day completely,' he says like snow falling on the sea. 'I will think of you. When there is nothing left but ice and storms, I will remember your warmth. When I am alone, I will dream of you, my mate.'” i know he would write the most banger of fanfics. a romantic at heart. would put shakespeare to shame.
please... spare happy ending... please... i am holding out so much hope for the epilogue. staring at u with wet eyes
SHAY AHHH I'M RATTLING YOU!
HE IS SAD but it's okay to feel proud too because he did it! He let them go!! Even if he's sad and alone all through the polar night! HE WILL ALWAYS PROTECT Y/N! AHHH
LASDJFLASF BABE PLEASE HE WOULD if he wasn't so sad, he would have written a 100K domestic fic, all fluff, no angst, happy ending guaranteed
How'd you feel about that epilogue? hehehe <3
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lumosandnoxwriting · 5 months
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you wanting me tonight feels impossible || George Weasley
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Title: you wanting me tonight feels impossible Pairing: George x Reader Summary: running into an old friend just might be the thing you need Warnings: mentions of cheating but it does not take place between George and the reader!  A/N: here she is, the next part! Honestly writing this fic gave me major nostalgia vibes, to me it feels like a fic I would have written back when i first started on tumblr and honestly im not mad about it.
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“Y/N?”
She turns at the sound of her name, eyes widening in surprise at who she finds standing behind her. 
“Oh no way. George, hi,” Y/N greets. Her stomach flutters at the grin that spreads across his face, her mouth running dry at how good he looks. 
The last time she’d seen George they were seventeen, and he was flying away from Hogwarts with Fred by his side. Most people had been laughing, overfilled with joy at watching the twins get one last prank over on old Umbridge before they disappeared into the night. And Y/N had been happy too, but she also found herself a bit mournful. 
Her and George weren’t exactly friends she’d say, but acquainted in the way people from other houses were with each other after being in the same classes for seven years. They were friendly with each other in the halls and in classes, and the few times they’d been paired up for projects George had always been nice, and stuck around to talk with her about things unrelated to school or their coursework. 
And like most girls in their school, she had a massive crush on him. Y/N had spent countless hours pining after the Weasley boy, doodling hearts around his name and imagining what it would be like to run her hands through his soft ginger hair. 
So watching him fly away left her sad and mourning any chance she may have had with him. 
To see him here now, older and more refined but still as handsome as ever, has her heart pounding, mind already going places she never thought it would go again. 
“I thought that was you. How’ve you been?” George asks, holding his arms out for a hug. When she steps into his embrace he continues, arms wrapping around her middle. “It’s been ages, I never really see you around here.”
Y/N tries to keep her breathing even as George hugs her, not wanting to give away how much his casual touch is affecting her. She very much feels like that shy school girl she once was, no matter how many times she tries to remind herself that she is an adult now, and it’s perfectly normal for two acquaintances who haven’t seen each other in a while to hug. 
“I moved abroad after graduation,” she explains as they pull away, hoping the blush on her cheeks isn’t obvious. “I was doing some work with magical creatures in Australia, but I started to miss home.”
Y/N decides to leave out the fact that what really prompted her arrival back to England was the discovery of her fiance in bed with a woman she considered to be her best friend, figuring that’s more of a conversation the second or third time they see each other. If they see each other again. She doesn’t want to get her hopes up. 
“Don’t tell me you’re the new professor at Hogwarts?” George asks, a twinkle in his eye. When Y/N nods in affirmation, he laughs. “No way, that’s bloody brilliant. Fred and I are opening a branch of Wheezes up in Hogsmeade, I’m moving up there next week to run it. Looks like we’re going to be neighbors,” he finishes, nudging Y/N and giving her a wink. 
“Guess so,” Y/N laughs, trying to dampen the butterflies in her stomach. “It’s actually quite a relief to hear that, I was a bit nervous about being up there with no company besides my old professors. I’m glad to have a familiar face around.”
George’s grin widens. “I’ve gotta run, but it was really nice to see you again, Y/N. I’ll see you again soon.”
Just as quickly as he was there he’s gone again, just like all of those years ago. But Y/N doesn’t feel sad. There’s just one thing she’s feeling, really:
Hope.
-
“Fancy seeing you here.”
The grin that spreads across her face is automatic at the sound of George’s voice, and Y/N has to take a few deep breaths to center herself before turning around to greet him. She’s excited to see a matching smile on George’s face, and it only fuels the butterflies that have started to flutter in her lower belly. 
“George,” she greets, motioning to the empty seat next to her in invitation. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“I was hoping I’d run into you,” George starts as he takes a seat, shoulder nudging Y/N’s. “I was starting to think you were just a figment of my imagination.”
She can’t help the flush that takes over her cheeks, hoping it can be chalked up to the heat in the room from the crowded bar. Y/N has been up at Hogwarts for almost a week now, and while getting ready for classes and settling into her new suite at the castle has been time consuming, she’s been avoiding heading into Hogsmeade. It’s not that she hasn’t been dying to run into George again, because that is definitely something she has thought about nonstop since their last chance encounter. 
It’s more like she’s been scared to see him again, scared that whatever old feelings their chance encounter dragged back to the surface aren’t returned. That she has been dying to see him again while George was off living his life, not giving Y/N and their brief reunion another thought. 
But even in just these few short moments since he sat down, Y/N feels all those fears fading away. George is the one who sought her out, the bar is crowded enough that she’d have been none the wiser if he snuck in and took a seat somewhere else to try and avoid her. And yet he is the one who came over, the one who took a seat and decided to settle in at her side. 
Y/N can’t help but hope that this isn’t one sided after all. 
“Things have been busy up at the castle,” she explains, not totally lying. With only one week left until students arrive for the start of the year, even Filch has been on edge - constantly mumbling to Mrs. Norris as he mops the Great Hall for the fourth time. “This is the first night I haven’t been so exhausted that I fell asleep right after dinner.”
George chuckles, taking a sip of the firewhiskey Rosmerta has just placed on the bar in front of him. “I know the feeling. We did a bit of a soft launch this week for the new store, thinking it would be less busy without all the students around so I would have a chance to work out all the hiccups and get my new staff trained, but it was crazier than anticipated. So now I’ve spent the last few evenings working overtime to get everything sorted for our actual grand opening next weekend.”
“Look at you,” Y/N teases, bumping their shoulders together in a playful gesture. “Never thought I’d see the day George Weasley was putting in overtime. You sure you’re the same George who used to sleep through transfiguration?”
“Ha ha, very funny,” he drawls, giving Y/N a wink that makes her heart flutter. “I’ll have you know that I retained more information by sleeping through McGonagall’s lessons instead of daydreaming during it.” He pauses then, a more serious look taking over his features. “But in all honesty, it’s so different when it’s something you’re passionate about - ya know?”
Y/N nods when George looks to her for confirmation, prompting him to continue. 
“You’re right, in school I couldn’t be arsed to do more than what was required of me to not get kicked out. Though I guess it doesn’t really matter on account of the fact that Fred and I never finished anyway,” he pauses to chuckle and take another drag from his glass. “But doing everything for Wheezes, it doesn’t really feel like work. Like obviously at the end of the day I’m bloody exhausted and some days my whole body aches, but in the moment when I’m doing it, or when I stop to think about everything Fred and I have managed to achieve, I don’t really mind it at all.”
Hearing George speak so passionately about his work makes Y/N fall just a little bit more in love with him, and at the end of his speech she has to take a sip from her own glass to give her some time to think of something to say that’s not some kind of love confession. 
“I’m really happy for you, George. You’re clearly passionate about what you do, and I’m glad that you found that for yourself.”
George’s cheeks flush, and he takes another sip to try and hide it. “What about you, Y/N? Have you found your passion?”
The way he mutters passion makes Y/N’s toes curl, and she prays to Godric that the shiver that runs down her spine isn’t noticeable. 
“I thought I did,” she starts, shifting uncomfortably. She figured this conversation would come up eventually, but Y/N had been hoping she’d have more time to reconnect with George before airing out all of her dirty laundry. “The work I was doing in Australia was incredible. I could swear some of the creatures out there were straight out of a muggle fantasy novel, they were nothing like we’d ever learned about at Hogwarts.”
“So then why move back here?” George prompts when she hesitates to continue. 
“I came home early from work one day, one of our dragon’s eggs had hatched, and my boss let everyone go home to celebrate. And when I walked in I couldn’t find my fiance anywhere, until I went into our bedroom to change and he was there. In bed. Railing my best friend.”
The noise George makes causes her to pause, and Y/N gives him a sad smile before continuing. “I loved Australia, but suddenly I just really needed to get the fuck out of there, you know? Like it’s a huge continent and yet the only way I felt like I could put enough space between myself and that situation was to leave. So when McGonagall reached out about the position at Hogwarts I said yes and didn’t look back.”
“Holy fuck,” George breathes after a moment of silence, draining the rest of the liquid in his cup. “I’m not gonna lie, Y/N, that was the last possible thing I thought you might say. But holy fuck.” He gives her a look, motioning for Rosmerta to refill their glasses. 
“I’m sorry those dickwads did that to you, cheating is probably one of the worst things someone could do to you,” he continues once their cups are full again. “I’m sorry about Australia too, I can’t imagine having to leave Wheezes behind, it takes a special person to walk away from that.”
Y/N shrugs, desperately trying to trample down the butterflies in her stomach at George’s casual compliments. No matter how many times she tries to remind herself that George is just being a good friend, her brain can’t help but interpret his actions as something more. 
“I mourned the loss of my relationship and Australia for a bit, but I don’t know. Something about being back home at Hogwarts just feels right.”Something about being here with you too, her brain adds unhelpfully. “I mean, if I had stayed in Australia I never would have ran into you that day,” she chides, playfully bumping their shoulders together. 
The grin that spreads across George’s face is earth shattering, and he lets out a laugh as he raises his glass. “I’ll drink to that. Cheers, Y/N, to old friends and new beginnings!”
As their glasses clink together Y/N can only hope that her new job at Hogwarts isn’t the only new beginning they’re toasting. 
-
“Well I must say your workplace looks much more fun than mine,” Y/N jokes as she comes up behind George, giving him a grin as he twirls around to see her. “And miraculously it seems much louder as well,” she continues following a roar of laughter. 
“Y/N!” George greets excitedly, his smile stretching across his entire face. “I was hoping I might see you here today.”
She can feel her cheeks flush, and takes a deep breath in to try and quell the butterflies in her stomach. “Of course, there’s no place I’d rather be on my first day of freedom.”
Since the day students arrived at Hogwarts, Y/N has barely had time to breathe - let alone sneak down to Hogsmeade. Between planning her lessons, actually giving those lessons, grading assignments and fielding student questions and visits to her office, the only thing Y/N has managed to do once she retires to her quarters in the evening is pass out face first into bed. And while her and George have exchanged a few owls here and there since their last encounter, nothing beats actually seeing him in person.
So when McGonagall asked for staff volunteers to chaperone the first Hogsmeade trip of the term, Y/N’s hand was first in the air. She’d much rather spend her Saturday meandering through the little village than facilitating weekend detention. And if she happened to wander into the new shop along main street that’s run by a familiar ginger boy - then so be it.
“I’m honored,” George responds. He gestures wildly with his hand, taking a step closer to Y/N so he can lean in closer. “Let me give you the grand tour.”
George leads Y/N around the shop then, pointing out different products and explaining what they do. He keeps a hand pressed to the small of her back to keep her close, and the heat of his palm sends tingles radiating through her body. She’s mesmerized by the way he talks about his work, and Y/N is almost too focused on watching his eyes twinkle that she’s not even sure what he’s actually saying most of the time. At one point he even leans in to whisper in her ear so she can hear him over the noise of the store, and the feeling of his breath brushing her cheek sends a wave of shivers down her spine. 
It seems like only a matter of minutes before Y/N and George end up back where they started, and much to her surprise and joy, George doesn’t make a move to pull away. His hand stays firmly pressed against Y/N’s back, and she takes the liberty to lean in even closer to the ginger man. 
“So,” George murmurs, lips barely brushing against her hair. “What do you think of the place?”
“It’s great, George,” she answers honestly, still in awe of everything Fred and George have managed to build over the last few years. “You can tell how much you really care about what you do, and the creativity George, your mind is incredible.”
A light blush coats George’s cheeks as he waves away Y/N’s praise. “Oh stop, it’s not like I’m a professor or anything,” he teases, giving her a nudge. “I’m just a silly guy with a brother and a dream - that’s all.”
“George,” Y/N admonishes, nudging him right back. “You really are brilliant, and anyone who’s ever made you doubt that is a git. What you and Fred have done is amazing, you’ve taken your passion for something and turned it into this empire that does nothing but bring joy to people. That took a lot of hard work, dedication and skill. It’s incredible George - truly.”
Neither one says anything, just letting Y/N’s words hang heavy between them. The noise of the shop has faded into the background, electricity so heavy in the air Y/N can feel it tingle on the tip of her tongue. George starts to slowly lean down just as she starts to tip her head back, their bodies moving closer of their own accord. 
Eyelids fluttering closed, Y/N can feel George’s breath ghost across her lips - the only thought in her head a quietly whispered “finally.” 
Just as suddenly as they came together, Y/N and George separate as a worried voice calls out. “Professor! Professor, come quick! John and Thomas are fighting again!”
“Duty calls,” George sighs, tucking a stray piece of hair behind Y/N’s ear. He lets his thumb drag down across her jaw, pausing momentarily to lightly grapes her chin. “See you soon?”
All she can manage in response is a nod. Taking one more moment to mourn what could have been, she rushes away from George, cursing those damn kids to hell.
-
“Excuse me professor - do you have a moment?”
Y/N’s hand pauses mid scribble, fingers practically snapping the quill she’s holding in half as she looks up to find none other than George Weasley standing in the doorway to her office. The smile that spreads across her mouth matches the one George is wearing and she pushes the papers she’d been grading, gesturing for him to come in. 
“I think I may be able to spare a moment just for you,” she teases. Y/N stands up from behind her desk, watching George closely as she comes around to stand in front of him. “How in the hell did you get in here?”
George chuckles, stuffing his hands into his packers as he gives Y/N a shrug. “Turns out the secret passages Fred and I used to sneak out of the castle are just as helpful when trying to sneak in to it.”
Y/N tuts, shaking her head as if in shame. “George Weasley sneaking into Hogwarts. What would Fred have to say about that?”
“Fred snuck out plenty of times to go and see a cute girl, I reckon he’d understand me sneaking in to do the same.”
George’s boldness surprises Y/N, and she suddenly can’t make eye contact as her cheeks flush pink. A single finger comes to rest on the underside of her chin, slowly tilting Y/N’s face up so she and George are looking at each other once again. Her body feels electric as their eyes meet and a shiver runs down her spine. 
“Hi,” George greets breathily after a moment of silence. The smile he gets in response causes a torrent of butterflies to erupt in his stomach and he can feel his heart pounding against his rib cage. 
“Hi,” Y/N responds, voice barely above a whisper. 
If you had told her all those years ago that someday she’d be standing here right now with George Weasley with his hand pressed against the side of her neck as his thumb skates across her jaw line she would have called you crazy. It seemed impossible that George would even give Y/N a second thought, let alone sneak back into the castle for just a moment with her. All of her dreams are coming true - and Y/N is too tempted to pinch herself to make sure it’s all real. 
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you,” George starts. The words move quickly out of his mouth, as if he’s trying to get them all out before he loses the confidence he has managed to scrounge up. “Like since that moment I saw you at the potion shop all those months ago. My one regret from our school days was that I never got the nerve to ask you out. And then when I never saw you in the shop or around Diagon Alley I figured I’d missed my chance. So when I saw you that day, standing in the middle of a shop I’d gone to hundreds of times over the years it felt like, I dunno it felt like.”
“A second chance,” Y/N finishes for him, voice lit with disbelief. 
George grins, giving a small nod. “Yes, exactly like that. And suddenly you were every thought that occupied my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about running into you again, and the interactions we had in school, what might happen between us now that we’d be living ten minutes from each other. You were just on a loop in my thoughts.”
“It was probably stupid of me,” George continues, eyes never leaving Y/N’s. “We’d had one conversation after years of not speaking and we were never really friends at school but I couldn’t help but feel-.”
“Hope,” she finished again. “And it wasn’t stupid of you, George. Because I felt the exact same way. Seeing you that day made me truly believe that taking that job at Hogwarts was my opportunity for a second chance. A second chance at finding my dream job, of finding my true home, of finding true love. You made me feel that George and I-.”
Except whatever Y/N was about to say disappears from her mind, as George takes the opportunity to interrupt her this time. Without a second thought he finally closes the distance between them, their mouths slotting together so perfectly it was like they were made for each other. Her hands find his shoulders as his find her neck, angling them so he can kiss her deeper. 
And there’s still so many things they need to talk about and figure out. But in this moment the only thing Y/N can think about is George, and this weird but beautiful thing they’re about to discover. 
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jacaerysgf · 10 months
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request: jacerys x maid!reader | reader has been working for them for a long while and jace has had a little crush on her since then. (also rhaenyra shipping them on the low would be so sweet)
tags: nontarg!reader, implied slightly older reader, mostly jacaerys pov, no use of y/n, not proofread, i think that's it?
w.c | 2.2k
a/n: i am back! so sorry for being inactive i am so happy to be able to write again i have missed you guys, getting through requests now, but it will probably take me awhile to get to the scream requests since im really unmotived to write for it but i missed writing for hotd so here you go, i hope you guys enjoy!
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the first time he had ever spotted you was when he was eight. you had been assigned to be helaena personal maid. he had been standing in the courtyard preparing for another sword fighting lesson. he notices out of the corner of his eye aegon lifting his head before aegon mumbled under his breath and curse as he shakes his head bring his head back down. jacaerys looks up to see heleana, knowing of the recent betrothal and aegons distaste at the idea of course he would have a reaction like that. his eyes drifted over to the girl standing besides helaena and he felt a sudden sensation of butterflies flow into his stomach.
Curiously he picks it up and opens, It feels wrong of me to do this. Princess Heleena just recently taught me how to write and the first thing I felt I needed to do was write something to you. I hope you do not laugh. I hope that while I express myself you find it in yourself to listen. My eyes always find their way towards you. I always find myself thinking about you. I feel too embarrassed to write more though my heart yearns too. Forgive me my prince. I shall hope we talk more. With all i have,
He finds himself tracing the sloppy signing of your name at the end of your letter. His head can't make sense of the words you say despite the fact he wants to so badly. He falls back onto his bed and reads over your words over and over again with a fond look on his face, already planning on what he was going to write back. The two of you begin to write more and more letters to each other. It was easier than speaking in person. Things that could not be uttered in person were said over word, the letters grew more and more personal. He felt like he was looking into your soul with every word as you must have felt as well. But then lady Leana had passed and he had to go to driftmark to the funeral though he was more upset about the passing of ser harwin. Before he had left for driftmark you had slipped a letter for him before he had left. He didn't have the energy to open it then, feeling too much grief to read your sweet words. A part of him is glad he didn't because he didn't realize that would be the last he would see of you for many years. They did not return to king's landing which means he did not get to see you. No more letters, no more passing glances, no more you. He stayed in his bed and cried for awhile, he remembers his mother coming in and trying to comfort him but nothing had worked. Even ten years later he still mourned you like you had died, he had managed to get over his sad slump but you still lingered in his mind like a disease he could not cure, an itch he couldn't scratch. He wondered if you thought of him like he had thought of you. Word had come that they had to go back to king's landing. With lucerys position as heir to driftmark being challenged they were expected to return for a trial. While he feels as though he should be sad, he should be angry. His heart leaps with hope that he gets to see the dear maiden that had stolen his heart. He had never opened up your letter from all those years ago, wanting to savor and save what could be your last words to him for a special occasion. He decided that now would be the time, as he sits on his bed with his stuff packed, only minutes until they were set to leave with shaking hands he rips open the letter.
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath he opens the letter and gasps. My prince, It broke my heart to find out you were leaving. I hope that you have not let your grief consume you, that you shall continue to be happy no matter what. He notices some large splotches of ink as if you had been pressing too hard against the paper in thought. I must tell you this though it is improper. When you return you will never speak to me again. You may never write to me again yet I must say this now. From the day we had locked eyes and my eyes saw you smile you hard earned the key to my heart. You are the chosen one. Hand selected as the owner to the place which you and only you will ever belong. I hope that you do not laugh. I hope that you are not repulsed or you are not hateful. From the day we met I have loved you and I shall think of you always for you are all I yearn for. I shall await your return. I know not how long you will be gone but I will be here, my sweet true love. I am but a low maiden yet you are everything to me as you must be to all. When you return you may choose to ignore this letter. I am more than willing to act as if this letter never existed, I will be the one to turn this letter myself if you wish. Just please, do not punish me by never speaking to me again for I fear my heart will never recover. With all my love, Yours.
The letter shakes vigorously in his hands as teardrops fall onto the page. He must see you. He gets up and rushes towards the yard where the rest of his family awaits where they are boarding to leave. With the letter clutched to his chest he runs through the halls, the only thought going through his mind being you. He carefully, or as carefully as he can with the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the nervous shaking of his hands, folds up the letter and stuffs it into his pocket before continuing to rush towards his dragon. An arm grabs him and he whips his head around ready to curse and scream at whoever it had been before his angry face softens. “My queen.” she cups his cheeks as she frantically looks him over. “Has something happened? Why are you crying, my son?”
He feels himself grow overrun with emotions as he stumbles, unable to answer. Instead he grabs the letter and presents it to her. “My.. she wrote to me.. Her letter I must.. I must..” he cannot find himself. He looks down at the ground as rhaenyra glances over the letter and looks at her son with a heartfelt look. “Do you love her, my boy?” his heart begins to hurt as he begins to think more and more about you as he nods. He lets out a strangled noise as he clutches his chest. “I must see her mother, I must.” He never calls her mother. rhaenyra feels herself overcome with an indescribable feeling as she lets him go. “We shall head out right this moment.” They do. He feels himself riding faster than he ever had. A part of him worries you will not be there. Maids are easily dismissed and rid of in kings landing so his heart hurts as he thinks he has missed you
. They arrive and he finds lucerys is stuck to his side. Despite the fact that all he wished to was run off to find you he knows he must take care of lucerys as well. Walking into the courtyard he's taken back to his childhood, with lucerys eyes locked onto the fight happening jacaerys finds his eyes looking around at the viewers watching from above the courtyard. Suddenly his eyes lock onto a very familiar set of eyes. Yours. You look as gorgeous as you did the day he had last shall you if not more. You were standing in the exact same place you were when he first saw you with a look of shock. He finds himself stumbling away from the crowd to get a better look at you as his heart pounds so loud his ears may begin to ring. You were here. Standing in front of him. He gulps and watches as you quickly rush towards the staircase down to the courtyard. His skin begins to burn as his legs begin to shake. Everything in his body telling him he should run to you. Bring you into his arms. Allow your skin to touch him. Suddenly you are standing in front of him, panting slightly while your eyes dart all over him with surprise. “My prince… you have returned.” He grabs one of your hands in a soft grip, he sees you inhale sharply as he brings your hand to his lips and places a kiss to the back of your hand. his lips burning as he aches to kiss your skin once more. “I am sorry to have kept you waiting, my love.” You gasp before a smile graces your lips and tears fill up in your eyes. “Truly?” He places yet another kiss onto your skin, “More than anything.”
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pipsipey17 · 1 year
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till the next multiverse.
natasha romanoff x fem!reader main masterlist | playlist summary: you grieved her death for a long while until you saw her again.
contains: mentions of death, alcohol use, and smoking. painful angst but with a happy ending.
i recommend listening to this song while reading this for more feels.
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You tripped Natasha using your explosive arrows, making her roll to the side and making it your opportunity to run off the cliff. You maintained eye contact with her as you ran, but once you jumped you felt her grab you from behind and she activated her grappling hook.
You held your girlfriend’s wrist as she continued to shake your hand to make you let go of her. “Let me go.” Natasha whispered softly as she looked at you with her emerald eyes. 
“No please, don’t leave me.” You said as tears started to form in your eyes.
“It’s okay, I love you Y/N.” Natasha then proceeded to push herself off, making her swing a bit and making you fully lose your grip on her wrist.   
You saw every second of her falling to her death, you closed your eyes for a moment and when you opened them once again you saw a glimpse of her lifeless body on the very bottom of the cliff of Vormir, you saw that there was a pool of her own blood surrounding her head. Thunder suddenly roared and lightning began to appear and you became unconscious.
Your eyes snapped open and you immediately sat up, you saw that you were laying on water but then you felt something in your hand, you checked your hand and saw that you finally have the soul stone, but it took a life before you could get it.
Your eyes welled up once more, “Natasha!!” you yelled, releasing all of your sadness and anger during that moment. Your tears streamed down and you cried loudly, grieving the death of your partner in crime, your best friend and the love of your life. She was gone, forever. 
“Does she have any family?” Tony asked and the truth is, you didn’t know if she really had any family or not, all you know was that she once had a fake family back then because of a 3 year mission for the Red Room. She would mention her somewhat ‘sister’ Yelena from time to time to you or Clint, but other than that you really have no clue. 
Natasha wanted her sister to be kept a secret from the others for her sister’s safety. In respect to her wishes, you just shook your head in response but thankfully Steve suddenly said, “Yeah, us.” 
“As long as we have the stones we can bring her back, right?” Thor said as he paced around the small dock by the lake where you were with the other Avengers. 
“It can’t be undone, it can’t, at least that’s what the red floating guy said.” You said in a raised tone then you sighed deeply, “She sacrificed herself for the stone and there is no way we can bring her back.” tears started to sting your eyes once again after saying those words. 
Bruce threw a bench across the lake in anger, “We have to make her sacrifice worth it.” he said as he faced you. 
Steve stood up and said, “Don’t worry, we will.” then you smiled sadly at them.  
The war with Thanos was over, earth and the rest of the universe was finally safe once again. As promised by Steve her death didn’t go in vain as well as the deaths of others whom you lost during the war including Tony Stark. Death of some of the members of your supposedly family pained you, but Natasha’s death really shattered your heart into a thousand pieces. 
You haven’t been able to grieve or mourn properly because of the war that was going on and the second you got the freedom to do so, you fully grieved. 
The first few weeks were the worst, you didn’t feel like doing anything, you even lost your appetite, you would do some daily routines here and there but it was like you were moving like a robot. 
The other Avengers were concerned with your coping mechanisms, you would drink bottles of alcohol until you would eventually fall asleep, you would also smoke cigarettes until you would finish a pack or two. They tried to help you with your coping mechanisms but nothing seemed to work, thankfully though when Wanda talked to you, you decided to stop, realizing that it was indeed unhealthy.
Nowadays you are feeling better, all thanks to Wanda and the other Avengers who supported you step by step in stopping your alcohol and cigarette dependency. You wouldn’t drink bottles of alcohol anymore, you only settle for a bottle and as for the cigarettes, you would only now smoke at least two to three sticks. You now even contacted Yelena to help you to set up a gravestone for Natasha to somehow show respect to her name and it was the least you could do for her after she sacrificed herself not only for you but for everyone.
“I miss her.” you said as you were standing in front of Natasha’s gravestone.
You hear Yelena sigh beside you, “I miss her too. I just wish we had more time together, you know?” you nodded in response knowing full well what happened in their past, “All those wasted years in that fucking Red Room.”
“She always talked about you,” You said which made Yelena eye you curiously, “She would always tell me childhood stories of the both of you, she would also tell me about the time when you guys met again back in Budapest.”
Yelena smiled, “She did the same to me, back when she was in Budapest she told me all about you, how you guys met and how you guys fell in love. The details were too cheesy if you ask me, I honestly didn’t expect my sister to be a cheesy person but that just means that she really did love you.” She said to you and it made you smile sadly. 
You suddenly remembered the time when you broke up. It was when the Avengers were wanted criminals by the government. You honestly hated every single second of it during those days, it was torturous, you just wanted to be with each other but for the sake of the both of you, you splitted up. Then eventually, you got back together before the war. 
Comfortable silence fell on the both of you as you remained standing in front of Natasha’s gravestone, “My offer still stands, Yelena, if you need a place to stay, you can stay at the compound.”
Yelena shook her head, “I don't know if I can stay at the place where the people who live there are sort of responsible for my sister’s death.” Yelena immediately realized what she said and then chimed, “No offense.” 
“None taken.” You simply replied. 
~~~
The afterlife was peaceful, but it was not a home for Natasha, it never will be without you. 
As she was walking around she saw a familiar figure in the distance, “Tony?” she said, which made the man turn to her direction revealing that it was indeed Tony, “Nat?” Tony said and Natasha ran towards him. 
Natasha hugged Tony, “Why are you here?” Natasha asked but suddenly realized that Tony died too.
“Did we win?” Natasha asked and Tony nodded in response, Natasha’s eyes then started to sting because of the tears forming in her eyes, “You were supposed to live.” she said with a choked sob. 
Tony placed his hand on her shoulder, “It’s okay, we can rest now.” he said and he smiled at her making Natasha smile back. 
“I miss them.” Natasha said quietly which made Tony look at her teasingly, “Do you really miss them or only her?” 
Natasha chuckled, “Of course I miss them, I just miss Y/n more.” 
“Well, what if I told you that you could go back and be with the Avengers and Y/n again?” Tony said, which made Natasha scoff, “That’s ridiculous Tony, we’re dead, we can’t be brought back to life.” 
A shine of bright light suddenly appeared in the sky but it slowly got bigger and bigger as if it was about to envelop Natasha, “What’s that?” she asked Tony. 
“You’ll see.” Tony simply replied then he smiled at Natasha. 
Natasha’s eyes immediately flew open, she sat up and saw that she was laying in a pool of water, she then looked around and realized that she was back in Vormir the place where she died. 
She is alive, she has been revived, she can go back to earth and live her life once again.
She thought of how she can get back to earth, but then realized that she can go back the same way they went to Vormir in the first place, she just hopes that they didn’t close the portal yet. 
~~~
There was a beeping sound coming from the controls of the portal Sam immediately rushed to the controls, “Clint, we’re getting some signal from Vormir.” 
“Really? From who?” Clint asked. 
“It’s… wait, there must be some mistake,” Sam’s eyes widened, “The signal’s from Natasha.” 
“It could be someone else, open the portal and be prepared to fight.” 
“Are we really going to risk this?” Sam asked.
“What other choice do we have? Just stay on your guard and we’ll be fine.” 
Sam then proceeded to open the portal and a few moments later someone came out of the portal wearing the Avengers suit and later revealed that it was indeed Natasha. 
Clint stood still too in shock to move, “Nat? Is that really you?” 
Natasha smiled, “Hi Clint,” she said as she rushed to him and hugged him. 
Natasha looked at Sam and said, “Hey Sam.” 
“H-hey.” Sam simply said feeling a bit shy around Natasha.
“How are you alive?” Clint asked Natasha and she replied, “It’s a long story but let's just say that I’ve been revived.” 
“Y/n’s going to be so happy to see you.” Clint said which made Natasha smile. 
You just got back from the cemetery and you immediately heard noises coming from the other side of the compound, you rushed to where the noises came from thinking there was danger but you saw that everyone was there and Wanda was smiling as soon as you entered the room, “What’s all the ruckus about?” you asked Wanda. 
Wanda didn’t reply but she looked to the side making you look in the same direction she was looking as well and then you saw the person you thought you would never see again, the love of your life.
“N-Nat, y-you’re alive?” you stammered and Natasha nodded. You ran to her and hugged her tightly, happy tears were now flowing from your face, “I missed you so much.” you muffled as you continued to embrace each other for a while. 
“I missed you too, moya lyubov. I love you.” Natasha said and you replied, “I love you too, Natty.” then she kissed you with so much passion and everyone cheered happily seeing the two of you back together again. 
Even death can’t separate the two of you, if this is how soulmates are defined then you can definitely say that the one and only Natasha Romanoff is your soulmate.  
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