#I'll feel like this system didn't give me a choice | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hotchfiles · 4 months

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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ❝ lay down with me ❞ ─ a darling, in any life blurb

pairing: aaron hotchner x reader. summary: the red thread between two people destined to be together may stretch and tangle, but those ties will never break. or: they find out maybe bars aren't all the same. content warnings: alcohol, suggestive talk. not proof read. word count: 2.1k

"were you... brushing your teeth?" yeah he was. and yeah they were still on the jet, but as soon as they got back to hq he would be on his car for the 45min ride to arlington to see you. he couldn't risk bad breath on your first date.

before aaron could even answer emily's inconvenient question, derek came in with another one "hair freshly cut too, anyone noticed it?" well he cut his own hair, it would be simply rude not to look his best when he so easily could.

he knew jj was coming in with something too when she passed by him, so he had to cut it out before "hey, enough. i'm meeting an old friend after work, just trying to use my time wisely here." his eyes scanned the room for the reactions and even though no one replied, he could see all the little smirking around and whispering between emily and derek mostly.

so much for a private life.

he's not the hiding type, if he's in a relationship he has no problem letting people know it, as long as that is it, he enjoys keeping the details to himself. and right now that's all he can really say about you, you're an old friend, just an old friend.

for now.

he was running late now, and very stressed about it. of course it wasn't the greatest of ideas to go from quantico to arlington by driving instead of taking the train, but he wanted to have the choice to take you somewhere else if you wanted to and to get you home safe when the date ended. he was also aware that trains didn't run as late as he might be staying.

he planned the haircut, the hotel shower right before leaving, brushing his teeth while in the jet, having his car ready, but god, did he not plan for the traffic he would have to deal with after 6pm.

but he's a gentleman, so he calls from the car system to warn you about it and he's nervous and anxious because not being present enough and being late or not there at all ruined his marriage and he wants to do better, he really really wants to.

"oh don't worry babe, i'm still enjoying my wine in my living room. thought it would be better to wait 'til you were in town to leave, yeah?" aaron hopes the loud sigh of relief he let out isn't so obvious to you, but it is. you find it endearing. you were reading essays still just minutes ago, you understood him.

you weren't very sure how well would you two work considering that. but you sure as hell wasn't going to give up without at least trying it. and definitely not without a fight.

"send me your location then, i'll pick you up in... twenty."

"uuuh, picking me up? look at us, it's a real date date now, curfew's at 10pm then, don't forget it." you make him laugh easily with that, your father was a strict man, sometimes you both went to the movies or the park nearby and if you got home at 10:03 was enough for him to sit aaron down in your living room and tell him all about responsibilities and how he was the boy and so he was supposed to protect you and ensure you were home in time.

"i am curious about what the consequences of not following the curfew will be this time though." oh he's teasing you now, as if this wasn't your first date and the implications of consequences weren't so... suggestive, to say the least. but he feels comfortable enough for that.

"guess you'll have to wait and see then, agent hotchner." your voice drips like honey and he's pretty sure he just figured out some sort of deep ingrained fetish he didn't know he had until now. "see you soon, airhead!" you laugh innocently before finishing the call and it drives him mad in the most delicious way.

he thinks those are the most torturous 27 minutes he's ever had to go through his life, but the feeling is completely overrun with almost childish glee as he parks in front of your house. he could fit the choice for a house instead of an apartment easily on your own profile but he didn't need too, you liked your space. apartments have no space. no privacy. he remembers vividly of a conversation you both had after your cousins were forced into an apartment because of your aunt's divorce.

he dries his palms on his pants quickly not sure if he should go to your door, stay where he is or what. he hasn't done this, the whole date ordeal in a while and it just got to him that he has no idea how people do it these days. what's too much or too little?

aaron finally decides on leaving the car and waiting near by, after sending you a quick text to inform you he was there. it was a middle ground of sorts, he felt confident in it. kinda.

it doesn't take you long to leave and lock your door and the sight of you immediately takes his breath away, your smile takes him back some years but your thighs remind him quickly that you are both definitely not fifteen anymore. he shakes his head softly, directing his eyes to a more suitable place for a first date: your hands. you were holding a flower bouquet.

flowers.

"fuck." he mutters to himself in frustration, "i forgot to bring you flowers." you don't seem bothered about it, in fact it makes you smile more as you hand him the bouquet in your hands. "you got these... for me?" aaron grabs the gift softly with both hands, afraid he's going to break it somehow.

"yeah, wanted to test my theory that you're still a sap." the way his eyes were shining and his lips turned into the sweetest of smiles were enough proof to you. aaron was always loving, caring, soft. it was interesting seeing him on the news nowdays, stoic, serious, unbothered. you wanted to see how easy it was to break him.

turns out very easy. at least to you.

"a sap! i'm surprised i got flowers from a beautiful woman, sue me." he opens the passenger door so you can get in, which you quickly do with a cheeky smile on your face, the gift is carefully placed on the backseat before he's back to your side, seat belt on. nosy as you are, you're already typing some address on the gps.

"i heard people talking really good things about this place." you muse while he turns the car on, already following the instructions. "apparently the beer is great and it stays open til late." he doesn't ask for any clarifications, if that's where you want to go, that's where he'll take you.

the food you've both ordered hasn't arrived at your table yet but aaron has already gulped down two large beers and is trying so very hard to not show how annoyed he is, it makes you laugh, hard. he follows, laughing along and shaking his head.

"who told you about this place?" he asks accusingly, you take a sip of your own drink and pretend you didn't hear it. "who?"

"i don't want to tell you."

"your students then. you trusted a bunch of twenty somethings with our date. pitiful." you don't reply, instead you just keep laughing to yourself while you drink. the place is loud. loud music. loud college students. loud busy street. you tell him that's exactly the type of place you would hang out with your girl friends to hook up back in london, his experience isn't the same, the lover boy committed since high school.

"how do they even get to know each other over this nooooise?" laughing at his annoyance only lasts so long and now you're the one not being able to sort through your thoughts, the food is good though, you both agree while munching on the appetizers that accompany the beer.

in retrospect you should've imagined it would be this time of place by the countless mentions of beer whenever a student recommended it.

"look around, i don't think they're actually trying to." you follow his gaze and notice that as the hours passed, the more couples formed and the less they were actually talking. exactly as it was in your own college days. "i'm a bit tipsy so i'll let my curiosity win, you never told me why you divorced the second time." it was out of the blue, you told him the first one wasn't that bad, conflicting views on family and you both married too early in the relationship. the second one was... harsher.

"bastard cheated on me." you shrugged, but it was obvious it still got to you, aaron could see it in your eyes, in your voice tone, and that had nothing to do with being a behavior analyst, and everything to do about how he just... knew you. "his whore also pressed charges against me when i wasn't even trying to hit her, she just got in the way." he chocked on his beer and almost had to spit it out after that tiny little piece of information you hadn't mentioned before.

"you have a record?"

"he made her drop the charges when i left the apartment to him without a fight. that's why i moved back to the states." he blinks once, twice. maybe he should be worried, but he also knew that could get a bit aggressive when losing control. just it always happened to terrible people. "i'm obviously joking, airhead." the relief he feels is followed by an annoyed face for believing such a lie, you touch his forehead softy, smoothing the lines so he doesn't look mad anymore. he takes it as a sign, taking your hand in his and kissing your knuckles, then your hand, and pulls you to him, letting go to touch your chin.

if he wasn't drinking the proximity would inebriate him alone, the way your eyes closed and your cheeks blushed in anticipation, he's sweet, lips touching yours with tender patience, much more patient than you, you who lifted your body just a bit from the chair and pulled him by his collar to deepen the kiss, almost causing a disaster if any of you fell over the table with all the glass cups.

you let him go just after hearing some snickering from the table behind yours, not blaming them for it, it probably looked like an awkward kiss from the outside. but it wasn't.

"that was certainly better than our first one..." you smile sheepishly at him, putting your hands on your lap, nervous.

"you blushed and gripped my shirt." he says looking deep into your eyes, making you tilt your head slightly, showing him your confusion. "it's been thirty years, you did the same thing... you blushed and gripped my shirt."

"so you're telling me you make me feel like a school girl."

"i'm telling you you've just acted like one." you take the comment as a challenge, getting up and taking your chair with you to sit closer to him, brushing your lips to his before going to his ear.

"you're drunk and staying over, so why don't we get a taxi and i'll show you the school girl." you can see the way his neck shivers at your little teasing, but he takes advantage of the new found closeness to kiss you again, with much more hunger but also much faster than the first because he's ready to pay the tab and get out of there.

it wasn't really that hard to find a taxi, being a night time neighborhood, they knew to stay around. aaron had your bag on one of his hands and the other on your thigh. your arms went around his and your head laid on his shoulder. none of you talked the whole way there, just feeling each other's presence and the alcohol twirling around your minds and your stomachs.

and you did show him you were not a school girl anymore when you both got to your house: you got him your largest t-shirt and pyjama pants, your coziest blanket and after you both changed and took aspirins to try and prevent the headache that would inevitably come, you got your pillows and went to the living room and laid on your big couch with aaron, cuddling with him as some tv show re-run lured you both to sleep.

it was almost 2am, and while you could take him to your bedroom and take his clothes off like you wanted to, you both knew it was the middle of the week, he had to wake up early to get his car, you would probably pass out under him anyway.

cuddling was more than enough for a first date. and at least for aaron, he was sure he wouldn't let go of your embrace anytime soon.

#lari writes sometimes #aaron x reader #aaron x you #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x you #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds x reader

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thedarlingdearestdead · 8 months

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The Jedi Way:

A quick oneshot for Anakin Skywalker! Might do a pt2 depending... Ok I did - here it is.

Summary: Anakin questions the war and his place in it, you interrupt him and try to calm him down, it does not work, he just gets wound up...

Warnings: MATURE, almost smut, dub!con kiss, angst, jedi heresy, etc.

Word count: 1,070

Anakin wasn't quite sure how he had ended up here, but he wasn't upset about it. For the first time in a long time, the world had gone quiet, and he relished the feeling. It was far too often these days that the Force became too loud for him to concentrate, for him to function. He knew it was becoming a problem but wasn't sure how to fix it. He also wasn't willing to think about it now, not when he had finally gotten some peace.

Rain was falling outside of the windows at the Jedi Temple where Anakin had returned just days before. He hadn't yet been assigned another mission, and he hadn't yet asked either. His head still buzzed with energy and fire from the days before; he'd been finding it hard to breathe, hard to focus. It was by accident that he arrived at the edge of the gardens, looking out of the large window at the end of the pavilion. He acknowledged that it might have been a habit from his days as a Padawan.

His master was always keen on this room, always brought Anakin here to practice meditating. The humidity was slightly comforting to Anakin in its warmth.

Perhaps he should try meditating. Anakin was usually so restless, but recently, he just felt tired. Tired of the war.

"Anakin?"

Of course, it was you; you always had the ability to find him. Anakin turned with a small smile on his face. "Where did you come from?"

"Master Plo and I just landed; he is doing a debrief with the Council, and, I fear, picking up another mission."

"So you're on a layover?"

"Practically. What are you still doing here? I thought the Hoth offensive ended days ago?"

He looked down at his hand; the blurry memory of blood and ash turned them red and marked in his mind. He cringed slightly and pocketed his hands in his cloak. "Yeah, well, I'm sure I'll be off again soon too."

His shoulders were uncharacteristically slumped. It had been a while since you had seen your childhood friend but surely this change in demeanour was wrought by something…

“Anakin, what's wrong?”

In that moment, he made a conscious choice: to tell the truth. Maybe you would understand. If any one could… ”It’s been a long war."

You reached across to him and grabbed his hand, standing beside him much closer and staring out of the window into the storm. Battle fatigue was common, you had seen it in many of your clone forces in the past months. You sighed and attempted to reassure him, to give him some of your spirit and strength, whatever remained you would share with him.

"I know you're tired—"

"I'm not tired.” His voice was stony, stubborn, frustrated.

"I know the last few trips have been hard—"

"It's not just the last few trips."

"I know."

"Do you? I thought you would but now I wonder. How can you, and I, and everyone else know and let it continue… Why are you asking me questions? It is so obvious what is wrong.” Anakin's voice grew in volume as he continued, "The Jedi Council—"

"Anakin, stop talking."

"No, I have to. I have to speak. How can you not? How can you stand there and look at me like I'm crazy? I'm not crazy. You have to know this has gone too far." He was looking down at you now, almost challenging. He edged toward you, and you shuffled backward through reflex. “Something has to be done, some decisive action taken. There is a reason the war is continuing for so long, it isn’t an accident.”

"Anakin, you scare me sometimes. The things you say…"

Anxiety now flushed through Anakin's system. A horrible icy cold of misunderstanding, because you didn't get it. You were far too caught up in the Council's propaganda, you hadn't experienced the things that he had.

"What about the things I do? All I want is for the council to listen, to think about what I say. They exclude me but have I done anything wrong?" He was expectant, he was insistent.

"Not yet. But you’re going somewhere dangerous. And there are some lines you should not cross.”

And suddenly, you weren't talking about the war. You were talking about the air between your bodies, the unlit spark, the quiet buzz which surrounded the two of you whenever you were alone.

He searched your eyes for a minute, angry and determined to make you see. Make you realise. And suddenly, he kissed you. His hand immediately came up to grip your face, pull you toward him. His lips were hot and all-consuming in their hunger. It took a moment for your mind to awaken to your reality, and you shoved him away violently.

"What do you think you're doing!?”

His lips were red and swollen, so were yours, you assumed. He didn't seem the slightest bit put out by your rejection.

"I'm doing what I have to do to make you understand. Don't tell me you've never thought of it; I know you have. I've felt it."

You bristled and blushed, ”I'm sure I don't know what you mean. Anakin, please…"

"Say that again." Now he moved back toward you with a dangerous, devilish look in his eye, backing you up against the window as you unsteadily attempted to push him off. One meek hand rested on his chest.

"It isn't the Jedi way…"

You were looking down at your fingers splayed on his chest in fickle protestation. His beautiful muscled chest.

"Let me teach you the Jedi way.”

As Anakin's lips hovered tantalisingly close to yours, a storm of emotions raged within you. Your heart pounded, and you felt a heat rise in your cheeks. The rain outside the window intensified, matching the tumultuous uncertainty inside the pavilion.

You took a deep breath and tried to gather your thoughts. Anakin's persistent advances had caught you off guard, but you couldn't deny the undeniable attraction that had simmered beneath the surface for years. The unspoken tension between you and Anakin, your fellow Jedi, had grown to a breaking point.

His intense gaze bore into your eyes, demanding a response. The connection between you two, an unspoken bond formed through countless missions and shared experiences, had reached a pivotal moment.

He leaned in again and you couldn’t help but to surrender.

#anakin skywalker x reader #star wars anakin #anakin skywalker #star wars #darth vader #star wars fic #star wars fanfiction #anakin x reader

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echo-and-dust · 2 months

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now that my brain has somewhat unscrambled itself i have gotten most of my thoughts in order about season 3.

and the first thing i will say is: i loved it.

while it was gutwrenching and polarizing in some ways and i feel that i am entitled to financial compensation for what its done to my mental health, i loved this season for pretty much almost everything it did.

i cannot fault people for having issues with much of the characterization and plot choices made—that’s been the trend during the entire run of the show after all, and imo it’s a testament to the phenomenal way it generates nuance—but i wanted to share my feelings on the recurring opinions i’ve seen about some of these things.

first, i do not blame simon at all for the things he said in the final scene. he’s a child who has been receiving endless verbal and physical harassment on top of all the trauma he is still trying to heal from. he just watched his boyfriend lash out in anger and hurt—while not at him, but it must’ve been a close resemblance of how he might’ve seen micke act. at least, that's what i thought, though i've seen others say otherwise.

and yes, wille is not micke, but just because wille’s source of outbursts is different from micke’s doesn’t mean simon is wrong in drawing similarities. at least he's finally getting a true glimpse into what wille has had to deal with. i've honestly grown to like that they didn't have simon immediately comfort him though; wille's mental illness is not his fault, but it is his responsibility, and instead of pushing a message of unhealthy co-dependence, the show has simon be honest: "but i see that everything hurts you and that hurts me too." and to me, that's so important.

plus, it doesn't make their love any less genuine. wille is a victim of the circumstances; he is not evil, and he is not undeserving of simon. he just has a lot of growing and healing to do, a lot of unlearning and exposure therapy because he's still blinded by privilege even when he tries not to be.

speaking of, i have so many thoughts about wille that i feel like i need to save for its own separate post, but to sum them up: i'll still defend him with my life, and he needs to get the fuck away from that institution.

also, the fact that the responsibility of controlling simon's media decisions was placed solely on wille confused me at first like—why wouldn't they get a professional to give him proper media training?

then i realized, this could be the royal court's way of sabotaging their relationship. they knew that making wille the one to tell simon what he can and cannot say or post would create distance and animosity between them. despite the ramifications of simon's behavior on social media, it seems they still thought it best to have his boyfriend be the one to try to mold him into the system. because they knew that's how they could get rid of him. in conclusion, fuck the royal court (we been knew but still).

one of the standouts this season was their transparency regarding the show's politics. it not only works well with the show's arc (wilmon is public, everything's out in the open now and there's nothing to hide), but also it felt necessary at a time where censorship has been rapidly gaining momentum. it felt so refreshing for these characters to talk so openly about racial discrimination and queerphobia and class disparities, forcing both character and viewer to acknowledge that they exist and you should feel uncomfortable about it.

i don't think i can add much more to what was already said about it—most of the fandom is more eloquent and observant than i am anyway—i just wanted to reinforce how important this season is to myself and the story even with how controversial it is to fans right now. a lot of people may disagree with me and that's fine.

#young royals #wilmon #simon eriksson #prince wilhelm #yr spoilers #yr s3 spoilers #ad speaks #i don't know how they're going to tie everything together in under an hour but so far this season is strong enough for me to like it despit #what ending we receive #and i know i'm in the minority in that sense but i've been spending most of the hiatus trying to keep myself from setting expecations #so i haven't really been let down too much #i really don't want to let this show go though :'(#forever my heart #yr season 3 #young royals season 3

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hug-your-face · 2 months

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Insight today while washing the lettuce and thinking of my friend who doesn't want to vote.

They are an otherwise intelligent, responsible, generous person, who appears to be socially conscious. They have worked hard and long for their position in their profession. They express concern for the planet. They get twitchy if you use too many paper towels.

But they don’t want to vote for Biden for reasons, and quote "doesn't like the whole system where the parties take turns swinging things back and forth" unquote.

I have been dumbstruck at their attitude for about two months now. I've been thrashing back and forth trying to reconcile this person I love with their attitude:

If you care abt the planet enough to conserve paper towels, don’t you care enough to stop a Repub administration from raping the land?

If you don’t like how things can swing back and forth, don't you want an administration that's going to work to shore up, rather than dismantle, more lasting democratic systems of governance?

If you understand the value of the long game, why are you only satisfied with instant results from a single election rather than viewing that election as a single move in an ongoing process?

The insight came to me as I used an extra set of paper towels to dry my lettuce:

These people are not motivated by outcomes. They are motivated by how their choices make them FEEL.

Not how the outcomes of their choices will make them feel. But how the action associated with their choices makes them feel.

In terms of outcomes for the environment, saving paper towels doesn't do shit compared to pushing for restrictions on oil companies. But using half a paper towel is an instant dopamine hit: "Ahhh, I am caring for Mother Earth. I care. I am a good person. Ahh yes that's the stuff."

This model fits for voting too. We know that The Only Votes That Count Are Those Cast. We know that Dems Go Where The Votes Are Not Where The Votes Aren't. We know that voting in every election, every time, in numbers, is a very low-effort way to contribute to moving the Overton window farther left.

But in the moment, for people who are motivated by how their action associated with their choice makes them feel... the absolute best move for their dopamine supply is to abstain: "I am NOT supporting an old fart; I am NOT supporting genocide; I am Challenging The System; I am a good person. Ahh yes, that's the stuff."

At the time, when I challenged my friend on their position, they held up their hands and said "look, I'm not saying I have any answers, I'm just saying I don’t like how the system works."

They didn't like how participating in the system made them FEEL in the moment.

For those of us who think this is madness, hey, we aren't off the hook entirely. We are basing our choices and actions off of outcomes, true. But there's probably a feeling/dopamine component in there too. "I am holding my nose and voting Blue; I am doing my part to actually affect the future even if I hate some things abt my choice; I am a good person."

So maybe the difference isn't in the motivation (my feelings and self-image) but in what motivates us (my action vs the outcome of my action).

I don't have an answer to the question at this time and this post is already long enough. But I'll think on it. And I invite you to do so as well:

For these people (who seem to be a sizable part of the population), how to outweigh the choice where their action preserves their self-image, doesn't cost them dopamine for having to take a "bad" action, and maybe even gives them a happy boost for "not being part of a flawed system?"

For these people, how to help them connect more to the outcome?

Off the cuff, I can't think of any means other than cognitive-behavioral therapy. :/

EDIT: Apparently there's a term for this and it's called Emotivism -- ethics isn't abt effects but abt feelings.

#mine #long post #psychology #cognitive psychology #affective cognitive #ethics #politics #environment #ref

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shuinami · 9 months

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Jess and Hobie: their defining strengths + their weaknesses

I had a thought about Hobie while I was writing, have been thinking about Jess for a while and then this post about Miguel came out and it made me kind of want to yap. I'll only talk about Hobie and Jessica here because I'm biased + Peter & Gwen have been talked about a lot + I linked a post about Miguel + Miles & Pav have simpler, more obvious flaws that basically come down to youthful naivety.

I also find it really interesting that their flaws are basically opposites, Hobie's comes from "inconsistency" whilst Jessica's comes from stubbornness. And again, both these flaws come from their greatest strengths.

TL;dr

Jess' defining strength is her resolve when it comes to fighting for what's right and tussling with destiny but it causes her to have a one-track mind, even if it comes to dedicating herself to something wrong (from being misguided).

Hobie's defining strength is his optimism (e.g. anarcho-communism) but the extreme difficulty of pursuing those ideals and the struggle against systems can bring that optimism to a breaking point, causing him to be inconsistent or, more directly, to give up.

I think people forget that Jessica's pregnancy is by design and not just a 'feature' of Jessica Drew as a character. She was deliberately chosen to be represented in this stage of her life and I think it is so important to her character, even if it's not in the traditional way that pregnancy is typically portrayed as in media.

I think her pregnancy shows the kind of person she is: most obviously, it's cold, hard evidence that she's a bamf who takes care of spidey business even while pregnant.

More importantly to me, though, there's an implication that, as her universe's one and only spidey, she has been the one to save the day and been the change she wishes to seek, effectively enough that she feels comfortable bringing a baby into the world.

Unlike someone like Peter, she does not make the choice between bringing her child to work with her or leaving them behind. She just has to do what she needs to do to make sure her kid is safe, there's no failing for her. During her pregnancy, it's always going to be a matter of life and death. Jess is well aware and, instead of shying away from action, she's just committed to not making those kinds of mistakes. To get over her losses. She's going to take charge of her own world's destiny as she has always done and she's going to make sure it's good.

Her strong allegiance to Miguel's ideas is her most glaring flaw to us as an audience because A. we're seeing things through Miles' eyes, she's standing in the way of him saving his father and B. we know that Miguel can't be right about canon events - we know they wouldn't make the movies as bleak as that.

Of course, taking a step back from our perspective, it's also a flaw because she is being antagonistic to a teenager as a grown adult. It might make her seem cold and harsh.

However, Jess was the one to vouch for Gwen, to take her in, even though Miguel didn't want her to and they could have left things up to the web of destiny. Jess trusts her own capabilities but she doesn't trust the world to be kind. She doesn't assume Gwen can handle things just because she can, either. On top of being sympathetic, I think her dedication to being the change she wishes to see is why she accepts Gwen as a student; she trusts that a young girl can make the world a better place too, it's not a thing where she wants to micromanage everything. She just wants to know the multiverse is in safe hands. That's her "great responsibility".

The only reason she is following the anti-Miles agenda is because Miles, as far as she and anybody else in-movie knows, is jeopardising the existence of every universe (insidiously via the holes). Maybe, in another position, say, a bright-eyed teen who mainly worried about high school and puppy love, she would be more willing to risk things, to see how it goes.

She's not in that position though. Her world that she felt confident she had the power to keep safe has been made uncertain. One day, it could just go poof, along with her baby, and she wouldn't be able to stop it in the moment. If she makes the right decision now, if she doesn't make a mistake, she can prevent it. It's understandable that she's going to do whatever it takes to prevent anomalies.

What was the canon event chosen to represent her?

Her version of the moment from "The Final Chapter".

It comes from a story that largely focuses on Peter's personal life before spiralling into action to make up for a mistake that has made Aunt May fatally ill. In the panel, Spider-Man is trapped under machinery with the cure - the thing that will absolve the mistake - just out of reach. As the lair is flooded, drowning is imminent.

Against all odds, though, Spider-Man pushes past what should have killed him and rises to the occasion, with the thoughts of saving Aunt May and refusing to have a repeat of Uncle Ben.

"I won't fail you. No matter what - I won't fail."

Jess has had to handle her own fate as well as her world's. Now that the multiverse is involved, it's not going to stop at her own universe. She has to stop this. She won't fail. As per the dialogue between her and Gwen in ATSV, she's made a mistake before (by getting too close to someone) but she tells Gwen "I got over it". Sounds so savage in the moment but she still gives Gwen a chance to make her own situation right before letting her get kicked off the team. Helping Gwen in spite of the anomaly would be a mistake if she couldn't handle this.

And when the Spot gets away and Miles enters the picture? The gloves come off. It's tempting fate at that point. Jess' no mistakes mindset pushes her to even prepare to roll up on a teenager.*

Her greatest strength is her resolve - I mean, hell, she doesn't let even pregnancy slow her down when it comes to saving the world - but it causes her to be stubborn and leads her down a misguided path.

*By the end of the film, she seems to be questioning Miguel's method, though. On top of the fact that BTSV is obviously going to end on a good note, I think Jess' fight against destiny is going to have her come around in the end as Miles is doing the same thing.

Onto Hobie:

I luv luv luv Hobie as much as everyone else, he's definitely my favourite but I feel he has his flaws too (which tend to make me love my faves more lol).

In fact, I think he says what they are when we first meet him, though they are veiled as jokes.

I find that the audience tends to position him as a perfect distillation of anarcho-communism at its best. I think the teen spideys see him in a similar light; they see him as effortlessly cool & charismatic, a wise mentor figure ("use your palms" + his play fighting with Pavitr featured him taking on the stance of a boxing trainer as Pavitr tried to punch his palms) but he's not like the adult adults - he's relatable, he's cool, he's anarchist, he's not always on their case like Jess and Miguel.

He neither calls himself a hero nor a role model... but he is the perfect hero and role model, right? He's the best! He's the only one who's looking out for Miles and, when Miles is getting chased down by the entire society, what does he do?

He... quits.

Wouldn't that perfect hero we all believe him to be swoop in with his cape, know exactly what to do and save Miles, the underdog? He can't have possibly known Miles would manage against the society and, if he knew it was possible, then why wouldn't he lend a hand? He didn't drop off the watch in Miles' dimension, he gave one to his bestie, Gwen, likely in the scenario that she wanted to quit or got booted because 'it [didn't] work out'.**

I think Hobie's major flaw is his lack of consistency, as he famously said himself.

He has a strong moral code - he believes in the right things for the right reasons... but communism and anarchy are pretty much impossible to properly/entirely employ in a system that is consumerist, capitalist and authoritarian. He riots, he fights, but it's never over. London isn't free. In my experience, people with strong moral compasses tend to have issues with themselves because they hold others to higher standards than most and hold themselves to even higher and impossible standards (think Diane from Bojack Horseman).

One of the first comic panels I encountered of Hobie was him getting real with Captain Anarchy about losing morale because, despite killing President Ozzy Osborne, the face of fascism in his dystopia, nothing changes. He wasn't able to save the world like a hero in a movie or like a proper role model. He 'failed'. When you give your everything and nothing changes, no matter how optimistic, clever or read-up on theory you are, it can be hard to keep going.

And what is chosen as his defining canon event?

His version of Spider-Man quitting in "Spider-Man No More". Rather than being fed up with the world antagonising him as 616 is, Hobie is done with an antagonistic world.

The Hobie/Spider-Punk that has been built up externally, as far as I understand, would never give up. He'd keep raging forever and ever because that's the cool thing to do, because it's the heroic thing to do - because it's the right thing to do.

But under the mask, he's just a teenager, imperfect as any other.

He's still a Spider-Man too. Before the bite, he was another lanky black boy in racist-af, peak National Front, send-the-blacks-and-the-Asians-back, '70s England. He's a nerd, as evidenced by his ability to build such a high-tech watch, especially as a teenager who wouldn't have had access to anything like it until joining the society, meaning he had to pick it up quick. And I'm to think he didn't have any Flash-esque characters in his life? "Come out of it."

As Spider-Man with the mask on, he yells to the rooftops; as Hobie with the mask off, he mumbles and whispers. Sure he looks cool now but people don't tend to come out of the womb as Spider-Punk. On top of that, he's still so young and surely has plenty of room to grow.

I believe he joined the society in earnest, optimistic that he could help the multiverse but eventually reached his limits with actively facilitating death and trauma, with saving the multiverse not meaning freedom in his own universe, with being shackled to the web of destiny. I'm not convinced he made the watch in one day; I think he had been planning on quitting for some time and was waiting for the right moment (as he also wanted to support Gwen because friendship is important to him). That's why he tries to dissuade Miles from joining but, when he does leave, he doesn't go out in a riot, he doesn't even leave knowing that Miles has people on his side other than him. Hobie just quits.

I think his greatest strength is his optimism (his anarcho-communism & adamance about "love, joy and freedom" as per the un-permitted performance art pieces in his montage) but he's smart and he's been through shit - he isn't naive like Pavitr or Miles - the great heights of that optimism lead to intensely low lows.

**(I don't really see why or how he would have been able to predict everything that happened in the chase. I know that the watch is set to 1610 but if Hobie believed Miles would make it out of 928 and get back to 1610, would that not be things 'working out'? Or did he predict that he would get to the go-home machine but was the only one who considered that he would be sent to the place his spider came from. Why? And why wouldn't he set the watch to 42 if he knew Miles wouldn't be in 1610? I feel like the 1610 on the interface is just there to be there and that Hobie gave Gwen the watch so she could have the freedom to leave 65 if she wanted to, in the event that she quit the society because they captured Miles or because Miguel kicked her out as Jess kept warning.)

#i luv them #atsv spoilers #across the spiderverse spoilers #across the spiderverse #jessica drew #atsv jessica #hobie brown #spider punk #atsv analysis #shui meta

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hyunniesgirl · 8 months

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Call it what you want

Pairing: Hyunjin x fem!reader

Summary: You and Hyunjin were never on the best terms but when you're cheated on and your ex is trying to get you back, Hyunjin does everything he can to prevent it from happening.

Genre: enemies(ish) to lovers, smut, fluff

Words count: 4,038

A/N: all my gratitude and appreciation to my bestie @baby-yongbok who proofread this chapter for me 🩷 thank you so much for the help girly!!!

Warnings for this chapter: gaslight, drinking, mentions of violence, sexual tension, insecure thoughts(if there's anything missing let me know)

Chapter two: Drunk

Previous chapter: shameless

Next chapter: the most precious thing

+18 minors do not interact!!!

You couldn't sleep a wink thinking about the whole situation. ‘Is there something wrong with me?’ Is the only thing that comes to mind when you think about your love life.

You're just so angry and not just because you were cheated on. You can't believe you got so worked up after kissing Hyunjin and his reaction was nearly nonexistent? NOTHING?

Of course you didn't expect it to be the best kiss of his life, he was doing you a favor after all but you got pretty excited and he didn't even get flustered? That's kinda offensive.

After your break up, Eric tried talking to you at school so your friends came up with a system so he wouldn't bother you until you felt ready to face him. You found out after a week that someone filmed Ryujin and Changbin beating the shit out of your ex after you left the party and that made you feel pretty satisfied, it's nice knowing that your friends have your back. So that's the reason he doesn't try getting close to you when your friends are around. Now you are never alone, you always have one of your friends in one of your classes and because you're finishing your course you could choose some electives that overlap with theirs. And luckily most of your class courses are with Chaeryeong.

The problem and the reason why you're so mad is that Hyunjin is sticking around too much, more than he ever did. He is always around the exact friend that's having class with you and you're starting to think that he's doing it on purpose. You’ve had to deal with seeing his disgustingly handsome face every fucking day and it’s been nothing but torture considering the kiss and all of its aftermath. Almost a month has passed since you and Eric broke up. The day after you told him to fuck off, you unblocked his contact just to inform him things were over between you two if it wasn't already pretty obvious.

After communication class you were pretty exhausted, so you and Changbin went to the cafe in front of the school so that you could repay him with a drink of his choice for going out of his way to help protect you from your ex. That's when Hyunjin comes barging into the shop. Why does he always look like he's glowing? He's wearing perfectly fitted clothes as if they were custom made just for him, his hair falls in glamorous waves, it's longer than most men wear but it's just right for him. Long story short: he's hot. You have to admit it and it's really annoying, actually. Why does the guy you dislike have to be so stunning?

"Hey", he says, taking his sunglasses off, bumping fists with Changbin and nodding at you in an attempt to greet you.

"I'm going to order, I'll get yours", he says, seeing the pager light up and buzz on the table.

He asks for a large Iced Americano and the attendant gives him your order. He sees that there's some writing on the coffee sleeve of your drink.

"Hey, saw you and thought you're cute. If you want to hang out sometime, call me: xxx xxxx-xxxx" Hyunjin scoffs, his jaw clenching. He tears the paper apart and throws it in the trash before heading back over to you and Changbin.

"They forgot to put a cup sleeve on mine", you say pouting as you take the drink from Hyunjin's hands. He finds you so cute it's difficult not to smile.

"I can get an extra when I get my order", he suggests and you frown, a strange urge to accept his kindness but you're too proud for that.

"No need, it's not that hot." That’s a lie, it is really hot, but you don't want to accept his help.

"I'm going to meet Chaeryeong, so you can wait for the drink with him, Binnie." You say as you put your bag on your shoulder and wave goodbye. Hyunjin's eyes follow you as you leave, watching you until you are out of his sight.

Chaeryeong was not far, so you thought it wouldn't be a problem to go alone looking for her. When you hear Eric's voice calling for you, you pretend like you didn't and just walk faster looking around for your friend, until he grabs your arm forcing you to look at him.

"Babe, I was calling you, didn't you hear me?", he asks and for a moment you think you're crazy. Didn't he cheat on you? Didn't you break up? Why's he acting like nothing happened?

"What do you want?"

"I missed you", he says, getting closer, giving you puppy eyes and caressing the arm he is holding.

"Don’t pretend like everything is okay." You shake your arm out of his grip. "We broke up, I don’t want to talk to you anymore."

"What did I do that was so wrong?" He asks, His expression void of embarrassment

"What did you do? Are you fucking joking right now?"

"Don’t you think you’re exaggerating?" He asks, pouting. "It meant nothing to me, if you just let me explain-"

'Is he trying to look like the victim while I’m the jealous girlfriend? Doesn't he have a conscience?' You knew this would happen, you knew he would try to talk his way out of this. You take your phone out of your pocket and show him the picture you took of him at the party. His eyes grow wide.

"I’m not going to let you gaslight me into thinking I'm crazy." He tries to take the phone out of your hand but is stopped by a very angry Changbin.

"I see I should have beat you more", he spits, coming in between the two of you. "Get her out of here"

Hyunjin comes over to you, he puts a hand on the small of your back and leads away from the both of them. You're worried about your friend, he could get into trouble if they fight, so you can't help but to take a few glances in their direction until you are too far to see them.

You feel tears running down your face and you can’t seem to stop them. You’re so angry, so hurt. If Eric had only admitted what he did, you wouldn’t hate him so much, but he’s just pretending you’re overreacting and trying to get his way. Everyday you try to push aside the hurt you’re bearing, the feelings of insecurity and anxiety. You have to convince yourself that you did nothing wrong, that he’s the one at fault. You’re afraid of falling in love again, scared of having to go through all of this heartbreak and pain again. Love shouldn’t be like this, love should be light and carefree.

"I can’t believe he showed up when you were alone", Hyunjin says, pulling you out of your worried and anxious thoughts. You look around and notice how far you are from Changbin now.

"I expected it" You say, sighing as you wipe your tears.

"He’s such an asshole, trying to deceive you like that." You scoff, feeling mad. He's not that different.

"Do you think you’re better than him?" You ask and he looks at you, frowning.

"You lead girls on over and over" You continue. You’re trying to hurt him. You want him to feel the hurt that you felt. You know it’s not fair, but it has not been fair to you either. Why do you have to be the only one feeling miserable? He stares at you for what feels like an eternity, sighing before answering.

"I never give false hope to other people", you take a deep breath, you really thought he would lie to you, say he doesn't know what you’re talking about.

"I never accept the confessions of the girls who have feelings for me", he continues, "and the ones I occasionally go out with know I won't date them, it's not my fault that they think they can change me or whatever they choose to take that risk." He sounds hurt, exactly the way you wanted, so why do you feel even worse?

"I don’t see how I’m like him." He finishes, making you feel like your chest is sinking.

"I-"

"We finally found you!" You hear Changbin’s voice and you look towards the sound, he and Chaeryeong look tired, they’re breathing heavily and sweating.

"We searched for you everywhere, why didn’t you answer your messages?", Chaeryeong asks, hugging you.

"I didn’t realize how much time had passed." You say as your eyes stay locked on Hyunjin. He’s avoiding your gaze again just like he did at the party, looking to the floor and making your chest ache even more.

"I’m sorry for worrying you", he says, "I gotta go"

You see him walking away, not glowing so much anymore. You wanted to call his name and apologize, say you shouldn’t have snapped at him like that, but you’re too proud for that. Too proud to apologize to one of the people that came to your rescue when you needed it the most lately. You suck. You really do.

•••

Hyunjin didn’t come around for the next week, your friends even complained about how distant he was. It couldn't be because of your conversation, right? He wouldn't be like that because of something you said. He didn't like you, it doesn't even make sense for him to care about what you say. When the weekend rolls around and you barely see him you feel weird, if you didn't know any better you would think that you're missing him and that wouldn't make sense.

Chan was cooking for the night, your Saturday had been awfully boring, so when he proposed a dinner at his house you accepted right away. His cooking is so good you're salivating with just the smell of onions and garlic. Changbin and Minho are playing Just Dance while Seungmin and I.N. are playing pokémon. Chaeryeong is by your side, complaining about a class you're not into, while Jisung and Felix are helping Chan. The only ones missing are Yeji, who's coming with Ryujin and Hyunjin, that you were informed is not coming.

"Why can't Hyunjinnie come, again?" Changbin asks while waiting for their points to be calculated on the game.

"He said it's school stuff but I bet it's because of a girl", Jisung says and you feel that weird ache in your chest once again.

What does it matter to you if he's with some girl? You not only rejected his request to be friends, you also said some pretty bad things to him. You deserve it if he never looks at you again, you still can't believe you said that to him, just because you were feeling bad doesn't mean you get to treat people that way. You sigh to your own thoughts receiving a suspicious look from Chaeryeong.

"Nah", Minho answers, "he's been hooked on the same chick for quite some time now".

You look at Minho, frowning. You didn't know Hyunjin liked someone. So why was he kissing someone else at the party? Weirdly enough, you swear you saw Minho eyeing you.

****

The moment that Chaeryeong introduced you to them, Hyunjin knew he was done for. Everything about you was appealing to him: the way you smiled talking about the things you liked, how you fixed your hair after the wind messed it up, the way you bonded with all the guys and tried finding things in common with every one of them so that you all would get along.

He couldn't help but stare, your voice was so sweet and your eyes sparkled when you laughed. He tried to be subtle but everytime you joined their group he had the same reaction like a fucking teenager that can't talk to a pretty girl. So when you began acting distant only to him, he felt bad and offended, he didn't think he did anything to make you dislike him. After a while he became distant too so that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable, eventually you both started doing things to annoy each other. He only started bothering you so that you wouldn't just ignore him, he wanted you to acknowledge him even if it was in a bad way.

Hyunjin never disliked you the way you thought he did, when you started going out with Eric he was absolutely heartbroken but he wanted you to be happy even if it wasn’t with him.

So he put his feelings aside and started going out with other girls, maybe if enough time passed he could like someone else. You didn't see it, but his eyes were always on you. Always looking at you to make sure you were happy. He was right behind you when you found Eric at that party, after you walked away he could see your faltering steps, that's when he saw you fainting and caught you just in time. He told the guys about what happened before carrying you out of the house and taking you to his car, trying to be gentler than he ever was even with his paintings while adjusting you in the front seat.

You frowned even when you were unconscious, he couldn't even imagine how hurt you would be when you woke up. So he waited and waited till your eyes opened and he was relieved to see you were alright. He thought it wouldn't be good to drop the act at that moment, you could think he was pitying you. After you left the car he was sure you would cry your eyes out all alone and he couldn't do anything because the two of you weren’t close. So he urged your friends to message you asking to come by but they already had done that and you had rejected their offers. Of course you did, you like to look tough, someone that doesn't need others, but anyone that knows you a little better sees you're a softie.

When you showed up at the studio while he was painting he couldn't believe you actually came looking for him. He was so surprised to see you that he clumsily dropped the paints he was holding. He was planning to get closer to you, close enough so you would like him and when he knew you were over your shithead ex boyfriend he would go for it. Even if you didn't want to go out with him at first he would keep trying to woo you… Of course, he didn't want to force you to like him, he would wait for you to discover your feelings.

Everything went down the drain when you asked him to kiss you. Every bit of his self control just disappeared and when your lips touched his he was sure that you were it for him, the way just touching your soft lips made him feel like he was on fire, your hands wandering through his hair felt like the death of him. He could feel himself getting hard when the door opened abruptly, you silently left the closet and he fixed his pants so as not to show what was happening there. Hyunjin was embarrassed, if just one of your kisses could make him feel that way he could only imagine what it would feel like to actually have you. He couldn't stay there much longer, it was impossible to look at you without approaching you to get something more. But you weren't even looking at him, if you could just glance at him it would be enough, if you just looked at him he would be satisfied. Your eyes were staring at the floor, you didn't look pleased at all.

Did you regret kissing him? Was it that bad you couldn't even look at him? No one ever complained about that, so he thought he was good. Did he ruin everything?

He got out of the room, Hyunjin just couldn't be there for another second looking at your face full of contempt. He went downstairs looking for one of his friends and found Chan taking shots of tequila with a group of his juniors.

"Hey, wanna join us?" He asks and Hyunjin nods, maybe with one or two drinks he would feel better.

Hyunjin shouldn't have mixed drinks, he couldn't walk straight and his head was spinning. To make things worse he could swear he saw you coming in his direction so he went the other way to avoid you, he was afraid to say something stupid. That's when he found Chaeryeong, he asked her to help him get some water because he was not sure if he would be able to walk to the table where the drinks were. The moment his friend looked away someone grabbed him by the collar and kissed him. He wasn't sure of what was happening or if he was just imagining. He put his hands on the person's shoulder and stepped away feeling dizzy. Minho was close by so he dragged Hyunjin out of the party and gave him some water while he got some fresh air.

"Y/N", Hyunjin was babbling and Minho rolled his eyes.

"What is it?" He looked at his friend seated on the grass with his head between his legs, "Are you still hanging onto your crush on Y/N? Didn't you say that you would give up when she started dating?"

Minho asked those questions but he already knew the truth, his friend had never really stopped liking Y/N.

"Kissed her", Hyunjin grumbles rolling his tongue.

"What? When?"

"During that- that game" Hyunjin trips over his own tongue as he tries to answer.

“Dare…truth.. that one.” He answers, looking over at Minho with glazed eyes.

"And how did it go?" He asks, curious.

"Good, it was so so good I could die"

"Well, if you die you won't be able to kiss her again", Minho jokes seeing drunk Hyunjin pout with tears in his eyes.

"I wan kiss her again though" Minho laughs.

"Of course you do" He sighs bending down and slipping Hyunjin's right arm around his shoulder and lifting him, "Let's go home now so you can think about how to kiss her again"

Hyunjin could barely open his eyes when he woke up the next morning, he was really thirsty and his head felt like it could explode at any minute. However, he had one thing on his mind: Win you at any cost.

So he called all of your friends and asked which classes they picked this semester casually asking if any of your other friends were attending that same class. That's how he found out your schedule and sure, that sounds pretty stalkerish of him, but that's the only way he could get close to you without raising suspicion.

When you told him that he was the same as your ex he wanted earth to swallow him whole, he was so mad at himself for making you feel that way and he was hurt that you thought of him in that way. He couldn't look at you anymore, he was too hurt for that. He avoided you for the next week, afraid to meet your gaze and be faced with indifference or even worse, disgust. He didn't even attend the dinner Chan was doing because he couldn't bear to be in the same room with you. That's until he got drunk enough to make his liver beg for mercy, he couldn't even think straight anymore, so he went on a walk for some fresh air and he walked and walked until he was under a really familiar vertical garden.

•••

You got back from dinner after midnight, you are already in your pajamas ready to go to bed when you hear a "clank" coming from somewhere. You can't figure out the source of it so you ignore it until it happens again, you realize that the sound is coming from the door at the balcony. You get close trying to see what is causing the noise, You look down and notice a couple of rocks on your balcony. ‘Who the hell is throwing rocks at my window in the middle of the night?’ You open your window ready to curse at the culprit, when you look down you see Hyunjin looking at you with puppy eyes.

"What are you doing?" You ask and he smiles.

"I wanted to see your face" He answers simply.

"What are you talking about? Why would you want to see my face in the middle of the night, Hwang?"

"I like it when you say my surname" He giggles, "And the answer is: because you're beautiful" You blush wanting to die, why are you blushing? This guy is drunk for sure, bothering you in the middle of the night. So if you know that, why are you blushing? And why do you want to smile?

"Now that you got to see my face you can go home" You say, trying to close the window.

"Noooooo", he screams and you are sure he woke up half of the neighborhood. "I WANNA SEE YOUR FACE UP CLOSE"

"Shut up" You look around to make sure there's no one turning on their lights to see what's happening and when you look at him again Hyunjin is climbing the fence where the flowers are tangled in your vertical garden.

"What are you doing?" You whisper yell at him but he ignores you, continuing to climb until he's on your balcony.

You cross your arms in front of your chest looking at him, he's taking deep breaths but looking really proud of himself.

"I could have opened the door for you if you wanted to come up" You say.

"Oh" He says and smiles shyly, "I'm sorry, I wanted to be romantic" You feel your face hot before you can ask what the hell he's talking about. He looks totally disheveled, messy hair, clothes that look like pajamas and glasses he only uses at home or when he's tired and doesn't want to wear his contacts.

"Care to explain why you’re here?" You smell the alcohol on him so you can already guess.

"I already told you, I missed your pretty face", he answers, pouting like a child that has to answer to their mother after doing something wrong.

"No, you said you wanted to see my face and then said I'm beautiful, you didn't say you missed me" You pick at his words trying to think of a way to send him home without your friends knowing about this situation because you know that if they find out you're done for. They're gonna pester you for the rest of your life asking why Hyunjin would come after you while drunk and to be honest that's a question that you would like to know the answer to too.

"Ah, you're so smart, that's why I like you" He says walking and looking around your room.

"Is that right?" You ask, amused, maybe having him here while drunk isn't so bad.

"Yesssss, and you're pretty and nice and really funny and good at everything you do", you smile without even realizing, what is this guy doing to you?

"Okay, now you have to go home, alright? I have to sleep"

"Let me sleep with you, I'm really good at it" You choke on the air you inhaled, coughing violently.

"What?"

"Humm, I'm good at being the big spoon and I don't take much space in the bed and you can even sleep on my chest and I'll hug you" He's saying that and has the audacity to blush.

You decide to call the guys that lives with Hyunjin, you're not scared of their questions anymore because you're too afraid you're actually going to accept his proposition. You try Minho, and Changbin but no one's answering. Shit. You look back at Hyunjin and see him lying down on your bed.

"For god's sake, Hyunjin" You try shaking him to wake him up with no success. You sigh, what are you going to do now?

----------------

All characters in my writing are from my own imagination and don't represent nor reflect in any way the people in real life.

Taglist:

@hhwangsmoon @inara-a

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sleeplesssmoll · 5 months

Text

Reverse 1999 Theory: What is "Perception" and how does it work in arcanists? (Ngl I'm very proud of this one. Bare with me and I'll blow your mind! This game is so good!)

Vertin canonically has uncanny perception and a deep understanding for arcanum even amongst arcanists, despite her lack of skill. Arcanists are very sensitive, or rather, vulnerable to emotions. There is another arcanist known for her perception we can look at for more clues.

Mesmer Jr. also has a "acute perception", much like Vertin.

In Reverse 1999, Perception functions like a 6th sense in arcanists. But how does it work? I looked up to see if there is a connection between magnetic fields and emotions. Turns out there is A LOT. Specifically the magnetic field radiated by the heart.

Biomagnetic Communication Between People (source).

We have found there is a direct relationship between the heart-rhythm patterns and the spectral information encoded in the frequency spectra of the magnetic field radiated by the heart. Thus, information about a person’s emotional state is encoded in the heart’s magnetic field and is communicated throughout the body and into the external environment.

There is so much cool information in this article I'd love to gush about, but we're here for lore. Remember my psychube post that I never shut up about? It's actually missing very important information that I didn't add at the time because I could not figure out how it worked.

Polarization:

The different frequencies are triggered by different kinds of emotions and we can see the heart being affected by the electromagnetic fields. My theory is that this is the key to arcanist perception. This is how they "sense" emotions. They are picking up on these frequencies. For a real life example from the same article, look at these graphs showing how the influence of emotions:

Most people tend to think of communication solely in terms of overt signals expressed through facial movements, voice qualities, gestures and body movements. However, evidence now supports the perspective that a subtle yet influential electromagnetic or "energetic" communication system operates just below our conscious level of awareness. The following section will discuss data that suggests this energetic system contributes to the "magnetic" attractions or repulsions that occur between individuals.

Arcanists sense these waves and it can cause distress in them. Mesmer Jr. is a prime example of this. Other people's emotions get to her.

Now how does this tie into our beloved Timekeeper?

What if the reason Vertin has to stay "stoic" is because her emotions can influence the others around her and because she is extra susceptible to other people's incoming emotions. She needs to stay calm even in mental distress. Mesmer Jr. is also like this. She may come off as abrasive and snappy at times but she is described as a "an indifferent and refined machine" (Chapter 3: An Opened Sandwich). These two share a lot in common. They are both victims of trauma yet must operate in many emotionally taxing positions.

They even say "engraved in the heart" (although this could simply be word choice it really fits)!

Both Vertin and Mesmer Jr. struggle everyday to keep the their feelings at bay. Neither of them is "used" to this life but they have to keep up the facade for their sake and possibly for those around them.

The main story doesn't give us as much insight into Vertin's head but the traces do. She is always holding back, just like Mesmer.

Side note, do you remember the heartbeat we heard as Schneider was reversed? It raced. Interesting how later Schneider shows up in one of her dreams during Artificial Somnambulism. This could be an example of HF Polarization which generates strong and temporary mental images with very powerful emotions (assuming the heartbeat was actually Vertin's as she watched Schneider vanish). EDIT: This part is the most speculative as it could Schneider's too and the scene would still make sense. that 'assuming' is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

This also adds an extra layer to Vertin's interactions with others. She tried to get through to Druvis and Schneider, but as for Forget-me-not and Arcana, she didn't bother. Maybe their feelings of revenge and hatred are so tangible she knew it was lost cause. However, Druvis was laden with grief and loss. She was not a malicious person. Schneider was desperate and motivated by love for her family. Vertin even mentions she knew Madam Z was not part of Constantine's game by the "look in her eyes" and never blamed her for the loss of her friends.

If anything seems wrong or if I missed something, please let me know! I'd be happy if I could refine it further.

#reverse 1999 #vertin #mesmer jr #reverse 1999 lore #character analysis #psychube #i think i got something big here #but its still theory lol #i also learned cool science stuff #reverse 1999 theory

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eyesofshan-if · 4 months

Note

speaking of korean names, i think you got some of them wrong in your preset choices. I'm pretty sure the korean name for sky is haneul, river is kang, and ha is summer/sunshine. now I'm not a korean so i could be wrong but when i did my research when i was trying to search for my mc's name those are what came up for me. i hope i didn't sound rude, i just wanted to help 😅

hello hello! i understand why you would think that, and would like to explain a little about why i chose certain names and paired them with certain meanings. now, i would also like to disclose that i am also not korean, but here is the reasoning that i have. if anyone is a native korean speaker, please feel free to correct anything or give additional comments!

and now, buckle up for a history lesson, everyone!

first of all, one thing to know is that for many korean words written above, they have both a hangul (한글) form - korean writing that we often see in modern media - and a hanja (漢字) form - chinese characters that were used as the writing system in korea up to 1443 CE. at that time, hangul was introduced in joseon dynasty korea during the reign of king sejong the great, in an attempt to make written literacy more available to the common people.

hence, when looking at the meaning of the words above, one must first know the hanja character that the hangul pronounciation refers to. many words with the same hangul can have the different meaning. their corresponding hanja, however, can be completely different!

let me explain this with some of the words that you have brought up.

while kang 강 does indeed mean river, its corresponding hanja has a variety of characters: 姜, 康, 強, 江, 剛, 㝩. the first is 姜, which is most common, and actually means ginger. the kang that corresponds with "river" is actually the fourth character, 江.

however, there is another hanja with a different hangul that is also translated to "river", but is used in different situations. that is ha, which i assume is the one that you think is wrong.

ha also has a number of corresponding hanja, but i'll only put the relevant ones here: 河 and 夏. both are read as ha in korean hangul, but the first means "river" while the second means "summer". in mandarin chinese, they are read as "hé" and "xià" respectively.

the last one, cheon 천, has three corresponding hanja characters - 千, 天, 川. 千 means thousand, 天 means sky and 川 also means... drumroll noises... river.

so, i hope this has helped you understand this a little better! and for everyone who stuck around until the end, here's a very pleasant 💓and 🍪 for you!

#asks #o: insu's library #they really love their rivers 🥲🥲

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girls-alias · 5 months

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Hate - Sam Winchester

Title: Hate - Sam Winchester Words: 979 Relations: Sam Winchester X reader. TW: Extremely sad. [Didn't realize how sad it was until editing. good luck not crying]

Prompt:

Sam hates himself for letting you leave.

THIRD-PERSON POV:

He didn't have a choice, he just couldn't admit that it wasn't his fault. He was the only thing holding him back.

It was any other day in the hunting game, they'd tracked a djinn fought it and carried on about their days. Sure Sam was wondering what Y/N was doing when she seemed to run off all of a sudden but he didn't think it was anything serious.

She sat in the doctor's waiting room, bouncing her knee on the spot, staring at the floor.

"Y/N L/N?" The doctor called into the room. Her heart instantly fell to her gut, she knew it was bad news from the expression on his face. She seemed to blackout as she walked into his office and took a seat. All she heard was white noise as he talked after he said he only had 2 months to live. She was shocked but knew it already, she had a feeling but hearing it out loud was heart-shattering. As she left only one tear fell, a tear which warned her of the rest if she didn't stop it. She was never the type to cry and now was not the time for her to start.

She walked into the motel with a stone-cold face. Ignore Sam's greeting she instantly stormed over to her bed.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Sam asked in a concerned tone as he walked around the couch he was just previously sitting on.

"I can't do this anymore," She snapped. Even seeing the sorrow in his eyes didn't stop her, she was determined. "Sam, I can't live like this! You might be fine, hunting monsters and drinking with your brother but I'm not, I have to go otherwise I'll be here for the rest of my life," She shouted. Tears in her eyes, all too scared to escape.

"Y/N, why are you saying this?" He asked brokenhearted. She lost her breath, only to find it holding back her tears.

"I'm leaving and there is no way you can stop me, I'm sorry but I'm not dying a hunter," She scoffed throwing the bag on her shoulder. "Goodbye, Sam," She softly spoke before turning towards the door. Sam watched after her not noticing her hesitate at the door before forcing it open and never returning. Growing more and more reckless as her time ticked on. She didn't mean what she said but it was the only way to save Sam. To save him from the heartache of losing her to a slow death.

He hated himself for weeks on end, regretting it all, and considering leaving but no matter where he looked she wasn't there, he only found her when it was on the news. A heroic death.

"Reports show that the woman, Y/N, was a hero, she had been given 2 months to live in the early weeks of June and since had saved many. A hero to the locals and a number in the system," The TV spoke grabbing Sam's attention. He couldn't believe it, not because it was unbelievable but because he didn't want to, he simply reduced. Even with her picture on the screen, he was in disbelief.

Even hearing she was gone he continued to search. Though it hurt, Dean was the one who had to identify the body and with Bobby's help gave her Hunter's burial.

Sam would sit alone, thinking, crying, searching, hoping. Deep down he knew, but even deeper down he was in denial. He had felt loss and pain but not like this, not this intense.

He couldn't sleep. Not without her, he refused to eat until he was on the brink of passing out. It hit him hard and when the night felt long he would sit outside the bunker, his back to the wall and stare off into the distance, sometimes imagining Y/N would appear and explain a crazy story that would justify it all but as the night went on nothing happened, she never came, and he never forgave himself.

His eyes were always red from crying, his throat raw and he was heartbroken. Dean tried all he could, giving him space, and distracting him but Sam wanted revenge and the only person he could blame was himself for letting her go. He punished himself, eating next to nothing and as time went on Dean was afraid to go on hunts with him and afraid to leave him alone.

Once again he sat outside of the bunker but this time it was different, this time he knew he couldn't imagine her there. It had been months since he saw her and he was forgetting the details.

"Cas, I don't ask you for much, but I need this," He spoke to the world and heard no return. He waited, he waited till the sun arose.

The flames burned in his face before Crowley appeared behind them.

"Wondered how long it would take you," Crowley sassed taking a seat and acting like he owned the place.

"Is she in hell?" Sam asked demandingly. Crowley's eyes softened.

"No, even when she was hunting, I had nothing bad on her," Crowley explained in a softer voice than usual. "Not everyone's a Winchester, you can't bring her back," He added. Sam only scoffed.

"I'll give myself in for her, I'll give you my soul, I'll give you anything," Sam demanded but Crowley looked at him sadly. It only angered Sam, the eyes he had seen since the news.

"I can't. I promised I wouldn't," Crowley sadly explained.

"Since when did you make promises and keep them?!" Sam now screamed.

"I'm sorry," Crowley added before disappearing. Sam shouted in the thin air. Dean heard it all and waited by the door knowing there was nothing he could do as he heard Sam scream and cry. It only hurt so Dean walked away just like she did.

#fanfiction #fanfic #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester fanfiction #sam

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13thdoctorposts · 28 days

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Highlights from Jodie Whittaker’s Gold Coast Panel

Host

So have you got any stories from Attack the Block?

Can I think of stories from attack the block?

I would say that when we were shooting it just as a little like genius of Joe Cornish.

He is an encyclopedia of films and television. And every single element of it is some kind of homage to something you’ve seen. One thing that was really clever is there is no accidental lighting, so the entire thing is set at night so that every single light is deliberate. This stuff or that, like the kids train, is like, every single element is a choice. And you can't say that for most things, because the sun will just appear sometimes, and the sun can take full credit for the lighting. But in that film, he chose every single element. And that's why I think it's such a great film, because it's detailed beyond belief.

Host

Thank you. Wow. Can I see that.

What's your favorite memory of playing The Doctor?

My favorite memory? There's so many, I'll tell you what, I'll give you a moment that's relevant to something like this. One of the highlights of playing The Doctor actually happened to me at a con, and it was San Diego, and so it was before the show would come out.

We were filming, and I got invited to come to this kind of the cosplay show. And when I got there, I was like, a special guest. And because I was just feeling really confident, I was like, can we not announce me? Can I pretend I'm a model?

I came out in my costume, slowly walking down, and I thought I was gonna get to the end to do some big reveal. But I must have a very obvious walk, because people started to realize, and the really narcissistic part myself, absolutely loved it because I got such a big round of applause just for walking. So that was a really amazing moment.

My question is about one night. Your character Tess has tattoos. They're only shown in two scenes, one in the first episode and one in the last I was wondering if they were both shot together, even though characters in different places, at different times, and the system of putting those tattoos on, because there's quite a lot.

Yes, it was. It was one of the most influential stage directions I've ever read of a character when that doesn't necessarily feature as a main part of the story. So my character Tess, in a Australian show called One Night, I’m very proud of it is covered in tattoos and every tattoo was a choice, and designed by the incredible designer and all the creatives. And so there's no accident. But the first time we did it, it took about 4 Hours and we stood like this for what is a very small scene as well.

And then the next scene, which is however many months later, I think we got it down to 3 Hours but it was still, it was a long time.

But it was such an amazing character choice, the writer, beautiful writing that gave me so much, but I didn't have to necessarily articulate what that was. It was just she gave me this armor to be able to play tests.

And that is when I started to read it, it's only a few scenes into the first ep, I was like, I'm playing that part. I'm absolutely playing that part. because I just thought that was such an incredible choice.

I was just wondering, in regards to Doctor Who, was there anyone that you wanted to like come and appear on the show alongside you, like an old companion?

Ah, I suppose I was spoiled for companions. So I think with that, I was, I would have loved, oh, it's difficult before, before we got to the point where I met my master, who is played incredibly by Sasha, and I adored every single scene I was in with Sasha.

There was a part that was like, oh, wonder if I get to work with Michelle. I thought that would have been incredible. So if anyone's out there and they write episodes of Doctor Who, I think that might be a good one.

Hi, and why did you decide to become an actor? Oh, that's such a good question.

When I was probably a bit younger than you i watched a film called goonies and if you haven't seen it highly recommend it stood the test of time and it is such an amazing film and i think what it does is it celebrates the inner child's because as a kid. I watched it and thought, oh my gosh, they're going on this amazing adventure. But then as I got older, I realized that could be a job, and then I got to play the Doctor. So it really is a job that you get to play pretend in the most epic scale, and anything is possible. So I think that's what I wanted to continually feel, was that I could be my inner child till I'm 99.

my question was, I love seeing, you know, Thasmin play out on screen in Doctor Who. And I know that you and Mandip had a bit of involvement in making that happen. So I was wondering, could you, explain how we got that.

No, no we didn’t, so I think just the fact that Chris obviously knows us and knows how much we love each other. Yeah no we had no influence on any of the story lines. Obviously, we had that, the characterization, and we fully, you know, believed in and loved the direction that our characters went in, and it played out perfectly for me in my head. That is absolutely my kind of dream ending of where I saw my doctor. And the to the point of regen was with that side by side with Mandip .And for those two characters as well, I thought it was beautifully played out, but it was all Chris Chibnall. So I can take no credit, which also the video in the cupboard during lockdown.

I think people were really generous and thought I'd written it, but I didn't write that. Chris wrote it and sent it to me and said, I think it'd be really brilliant if the doctor could maybe, you know, say something. And so that was him as well. So I love that. I keep getting all this credit there. But, but I absolutely adored where our story line went.

You have obviously played such a diverse range of characters, and I'm just really curious about your process when you sort of get the script and how you create them.

Do you know what? I can't write at all, and I don't want to be a writer. And because it's not within my skill set. And I think because of that, my appreciation the next level, I think 90% of my job is generally always done, I’m so lucky to work on extraordinary scripts, and a lot of your hard work is there, like I was saying about, Emily (one night writer), with one night. This wonderful stage direction is she's covered in tattoos. But those kind of details are just the best. Sometimes an entire character can be given to you in a tiny stage direction, or in a use of punctuation. Something can be a dot, dot, dot, and it has a completely different meaning than an exclamation mark.

I think that, for me, is the absolute side point. Take what you can from the script, and then I've been looking at what the directors and cast do it’s a really collaborative effort My main thing is, I don't like to decide or even kind of go there on how I'm gonna do something before you say action. Because if I do, I'm just a bit cluttered, and I overthink it, and I wouldn't listen to you. So however you were doing it, my brains go, well, I'm gonna do it like this, and it doesn't work for me. So for me, I kind of, I need to be kind of completely unprepared to be prepared, that not even answer. I don't think I should teach a drama school. Basically, not everyone can teach. And I can't.

If you could be in any episode of Doctor Who that already come out to 13, which would you choose? And why? The ones that you haven’t already been in

I am furious if no one's seen it I'm REALLY sorry I'm furious I MISSED an episode with spice girls i Am Sorry… But how did that happen when i wasn't IN it? spice of your life i devastated, I was like, I'm sorry. What? But it's only because It was so amazing. Sorry if that's a spoiler.

I just wanted to see if you could tell us a bit about your audition process for Doctor Who.

So it was an interesting one because it's secretive from the second the words are spoken. And my initial meeting was what I thought was just a cup of tea with my name Chris, because we did Broadchurch, and we were doing the junket and he was in town. He doesn't live in London. So we met up and we were chatting, and he’d been announced as the show runner. And I said, please, can i be a baddie? And then that was when it was, can you keep a secret? Depends. And it was, would you like to audition to play The Doctor? Um…I'm sorry? (Laughs)

But then it was a lot. It was quite a few rounds. It was about three And some of it was my husband taped me when, you know, at like, 09:00 p.m., when my kids asleep, and not gonna come in the room and ruin it. And I got, like, iphone wires and had to defuse something.

And we did it. Most tapes I've ever done, I've been sat on a couch and you make sure it's like a really tight two shot there. So my I was running around with an iphone as I was jumping on a couch and then trying to do the gobbly guke. And I say that with up most respect. And it was so stressful. And then when I got it, they were the most fun. I was so scared of those scenes more than anything. And, that's always the most fun when the doctor's just fizzing and working out. So, so it was over months, and it was very secretive, but then I finally got it.

I was wondering about your doctor. Is there a facet or an aspect of the of your doctor that you wish you could have explored more?

I don't know. That's a good question. Um.

Is the one you like me to have explored?… No, just because I feel as if there's a lot of versions of The Doctor that I really enjoyed. And I love it, particularly around The Timeless Child, where there was this kind of deep rooted rage that would come out in a kind of slightly spitty, you know, frustrated way I enjoyed playing the distance sometimes when i wasn't quite connecting with the people that i was with i enjoyed THOSE elements because i follow such a contradiction to the not a contradiction. Just such a journey away from the kind of energized, childlike version of The Doctor that I loved to play But can you answer that? What would you have like me to have done it?

I think the depth of the distant of the doctor, was amazing But I think that I would have liked to see a bit more, um, a bit more unhingedness.

Okay, so we'll get an episode of me and Michelle, because we're really unhinged.

You've done so many roles that have legit, ripped my heart out. when is this trauma gonna turn into a villain arc?

Oh, I know. I keep saying that, so keep, I keep contradicting myself, because I get asked specially after Doctor Who, what is it that you want to do? And I was like, oh, you know, I'd really love to play, like, I'd love to some comedy, maybe, or explore a character that has a lot of darkness and potentially not very likable. And then, you know, wanna kind of steer clear, maybe of, like, drama. And then I did one night, time. And this other thing. It's very emotional, and I don't know why, but I kind of keep breaking my own rules.But I would love to explore a villain. I mean, that was my initial thing.I want to be a baddie.But I'm glad Chris didn't listen.

I'm a big fan of Attack the Block, and especially the horror sections of Doctor Who, and I was wondering, what was your approach, and how would you think about doing the, your characters different in that sort of horror setting compared to other genres?

Oh, do you mean, like, how would I do it or if The Doctor was in more of a horror genre or if me as an actor got to be in that?

Both. But you as an actor?

I'm into horror. That's kind of, let me say, to reference. It's like, one might be a bit young for it, but there was a classic horror for me that came out when I was like, 16, and it was right at the beginning, of the Internet so being able to have this mystery, because now we're so used to information been given to us by the Internet.

But when I was 16, it was that there was this found footage of these guys in a wood And then I went see the film. I was like, this really happened, oh boy, which it's really, really happened. And now you can't really create that that kind of, like trickery in a way, during a press junket, because we know it's a film. But I that kind of horror that plays that doesn't give you too much, I don't wanna see everything chopped up. I'm just not into it I'm too much for whim. But the psychological horror of the when you hear it, but don't see it. Those are the kind of things that I think brilliant to play.

But then when we did have things like that, with the Dregs, and we were filmed in I was chasing me and once you were stuck in a cage, and every time it hit the railing, it was really loud. And I go, ahhhh… I know the doctor's probably braver okay you know I, don't know how i did it ha ha.

Some Doctors have had input into their outfit. Others have been told by they can't have that. How much input did you have into the outfit?

Well, so I had a hugely collaborative experience with the costume designer, and it started from the second we met. We met in a bar that he recommended. And the surrounding wallpaper was this petrol blue which became the trousers. I had a photo that I sent to Chris when I was trying to trick him into giving me the part I sent him all these photo references. And it was a woman. It's a black and white picture. I Don't know where it's from. I don't know if it's fake, black and white, and it's modern or I don't know but it's someone walking with purpose short trouser, tshirt boots so to me all of that, the coat was very much collaborative with ray because I would say things And he came back with the design of the coat that was so perfect.

I Didn't want buttons because I felt like it was pointless. Of course, wanted pockets. I wanted a hood, but I wanted the colors to be representative. Because of my first episode, I wanted to transition from was space through to Earth, sky. So the entire lining on the inside is a dark blue, black for space. The exterior is a kind of like sky blue light color. But also the into the the Suffragette colors are inside the sleeves. And it has my pride stripes everywhere, and yellow braces because it's my favourite color. So the whole thing, the jewelry was collaborative with Alex Monroe. It was amazing. I think I take more credit for it than it was me, because i felt like I'd go oh i came up with that and then actually, when i look back on it it was drawings that ray had done. Very much you gave him A pebble and he created a statue out of it. It was amazing.

I just first wanna say thank you for making a very queer, coded doctor. I just wanna quickly ask, we've seen David tenant come back for the anniversary just past, and we've seen doctors come back in the past. Would you ever consider coming back again and putting back on the coat and the zonic of everything?

Hundred percent. I would love to, and I really, if that's not, I would be really offended, because I would love it, and it'd be so amazing. And you just, you never wanna say goodbye to It is the the gift role forever. And I'm still, I'm gonna grieve it forever. But I suppose the feeling is that you don't have to necessarily let go, because, like you say, other doctors have come back. There was loads in my last ep, so there's no reason for me not to bob up somewhere. But I want to.

Did you take anything from like the set, all your costume?

I've stolen it all. I've got my jump suit, the prison jump suit. And just as a little fun fact about costume, all of the dates are personal to me. So there's dates all the way down the side, and there's a lot of Gallifreyan you know, kind of design. But all of them are a meaningful date to me. So that was, that's the kind of joy thing you can put into your doctor. So I've got that, so I've got my costume and me and Mandip very clearly heard ‘that is a rap in the TARDIS’ So we heard that on the last day of filming and she had a hold on the console that was like this massive ball thing. I snapped off the tiny mini TARDIS that spun And then, we hear and we're gonna do some pickup shots in the TARDIS without any actors. So I think there was a bit of swift editing there, because I absolutely wasn’t my fault. I heard cut.

When it comes to Doctor Who, do you have a favorite doctor from any era?

I got asked this the other day. I'm not saying, it's not saying you don't like the other ones. I got asked recently about classic, and so I said, Sylvester But you said any you didn't say classic. I'm gonna say, Jo Martin. The episode to shoot with her, and the moment when her doctor is revealed and the costume and the energy she bought was amazing. And so, Jo Martin, hahaha.

I was just wondering, were you interested in doing the Big Finish audios? And if so, what kind of story would you like?

I don't know. I get ask all the time. And I don't know. I mean, hopefully, is this something I ask them? Do they ask me? Big Finish? Well, obviously, if it, then if I was gonna do it, I'd really wanna do it with Mandip, but I would love to, I mean, this is, what is this job? You know, I've not been the doctor now for two other doctors, and it's amazing that you still get to experience it and be a part of it. So if being a part of things like big finish, or any of you the… I suppose, departments?, but all those other things that celebrate Doctor Who I'd wanna be in them all.

It's such a loved program. Is it what you thought it would be playing the Doctor like?So you're the figurehead of that program. You know, is it what you thought it would be? in as big as you thought?

I think it's, it's bigger and more magical than you can kind of ever describe, because it's as a new whovian as well. And I'd said to Chris in the process of audition, look, I've not seen loads of it. I've seen, you know, bits when I was a kid, but we didn't have it on those in house. But then also, I've got mates that have been in episodes. I've done those auditions and not got in, you know, things like that. And so it has a very unknown quantity about it. To me, I was very much walking into something and going, okay, what is this? And I think from the second you get on set, and the crew, the crew I worked with, had been working on the show for twelve years. It was such a magical family and to shoot it in Wales.

Wales is one of the most beautiful countries you can ever visit.

So to be there and to be in this ready made family of something that all the hard work's been done because all the other doctors build up this family , you just shouldn't lose it. And so then to have our journey and our story lines, and to then have this opportunity where we went out to press or we met fans, and to have the interaction and to speak to people, to see how much it's meant to them through their life, is so extraordinary, because for me And I can definitely say it and for Mandip as well, that it's our happiest time as actors. We've never been happier, and we knew when we were in it. Ah, this is this. It's just so nice, and there's just so much, just wonderful about it. And I think that needs forever. This is so easy to talk about, so easy to be in this room and do it because I wouldn't have to, I've never fake how much I love it. I loved it, but as a new whovian. And I'm like, oh, I get it. Hahaha. I one of a family then. Haha. That's it. I'm in.

Do you ever get nervous when you're playing The Doctor?

I was nervous all the time. I know The most nervous, I think I've ever been on a set was in my first week of shoot in The Doctor. It was my hero speech at the end of episode one. So my very first day involved jumping between cranes. Mind you I’ve only ever run around and cried on most jobs. So jumping between cranes was a whole new thing. And on day two, I think it was my huge kind of realization of, I know who I am, I am the doctor, and saying that for the first time, and thinking, if you mess this up, there's still time to recast I've been here two days. So that was the most nerve racking.

And I think sometimes another time when I was nervous as well, we had Stephen Fry come in And I was a bit like, you might not remember me, but I was in St. Trinian's And we kind of had a scene in St. Trinian's, isn't it was, you know. And so him being on set, I was just so nervous, because I was just like, he's a legend to me. So this is very… I think if you're not scared and you haven't got the adrenaline of nerves, you're taking it for granted.

Who is your least favorite doctor?

There's nobody, the craziest answer. I haven't got one.

Did you ever think you would have had such the impact on the doctor who community?

The thing that's such a joy for me playing the Doctor, the thing that I really quickly realized was that it. I adore this community, and I feel that everyone in the fandom should feel represented and what I feel really proud of with ours, which has nothing to do with me, like you saying about, when, you know, with me and Mandip had credit to that story, and we didn't in that way, but it was, that was the beautiful transition of this gorgeous journey that we'd been on. And I think that because it then resonated so powerfully to so many people, that is the all of a Christmas Day gift, because what you want is you want your work to, to speak to people, and you also wanna feel as if everyone feels seen. And I think that that's what I'm really, proud of.

Whenever I have these wonderful interactions with people, they say that the doctor means this or someone else's doctor means that for me, that very often is having that wonderful moment where someone feels like that storyline really spoke to them. And I think I can't take any credit for it because I didn't write it, but I loved being a part of it.

#thirteenth doctor #13th doctor #13 #thirteen

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ellaenchanting · 2 months

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Hi! I'm not the original anon, but I have a follow up question if that's okay. Sometimes I struggle with my concerns about (what I now understand is called) hypnoamory and the fact that I think there's enough stigma around kink that romantic relationships stemming from kink are viewed as inauthentic or suspicious. How do you handle those two ideas if at all? They seem contradictory to me

Hi new anon! Thank you for the follow up question!

So- my point of view is that no emotion we experience is inauthentic. The reasoning behind an emotion may be flawed (ex. "I'm scared because the pope is spying on me"), it might be masking another emotion (feeling angry instead of sad), it might be temporary and fleeting, but what you feel is always "real". If you say you're angry, I can't run a blood test on you and determine you're not, you know? The only test we HAVE for emotions is that we feel them internally and subjectively. If you say you're in love, then who am I to say that isn't true?

We could say that hypnoamory is artificially created love because of the neurotransmitters and behavioral cues - but then ALL love tends to involve neurotransmitters and behavioral cues. Who we ARE is a big ole pile of neurotransmitters and behavioral cues (and gut bacteria) (and ancient, wonky survival systems). Even in situations where love feelings go away quickly after someone stops hypnoplay (@sweettist wrote a great reply to my initial post with a story like this), I personally* couldn't say those love feelings were fake, just that they were ephemeral.

If I'm viewing hypnoamory (or frenzy or infatuation or nre or any of these related ideas) cautiously, it's not because I think that what people are experiencing isn't "real". It's because I know people in those states are a little bit altered and may have a harder time setting good boundaries for themselves. It's kind of like seeing a friend move in with a romantic partner who they've known for a month. The move could work out great for them! But, I'm aware that often it won't- that my friend probably feels love but doesn't know yet about deeper compatability with their new partner/roommate. If I were giving my friend advice, I wouldn't say to break up with their partner because I'm concerned, but I might caution them to wait a few more months before moving in.

As far as how I personally balance feeling and caution:

If I'm playing with an inexperienced bottom, for example, I may be very slow and deliberate about negotiation (because I'm extra mindful not to cross boundaries). My own boundaries might be stronger- for example, I may not want to do intense play with them for a while. If they tell me I'm the best hypnotist in the world, I'll thank them but also take that compliment with a grain of salt. If they seem extra devoted, I might talk to them about it and possibly slow things down. I won't make long term plans for us yet based on how they're feeling right now because I'm aware that those feelings might change. (Or they may not! But in time we'll know better and be able to plan better).

If I realize hypnoamory or nre is happening to me (and it does!), I'll double check my own boundaries and try to think critically about my own impulses. I may consciously slow play or communication down for a bit so I feel like I'm making good choices. I might check in with others about my partner's reputation because I know I can't see their blind spots right now as well as I might want to.

That being said, I have long-lasting love for some people in my life that seems to have started with hypnoamory. I'm really glad I didn't give up on those relationships just because of strong feelings! I also have relationships that started this way and just petered out- or ones that were always one sided crushes. That's how love goes- especially when that love is early and intense. And all of that is fine! Those are things that happen in all sorts of relationships, kinky or not.

So, all of that being said- I don't see the contradiction, anon. This isn't an either/or, it's a both/and. Hypnoamory can be great and it can cause issues. Relationships stemming from kink can be healthy and they can be dangerous. Frenzy can exhaust you and it can give you a lot of cool new experiences. Infatuation can burn out quick and it can lead to lasting, healthy love. It's all in the nuances.

*@sweettist might have a different point of view on that, though! I think it comes down to how people would define "real" or "inauthentic" here.

#hypnoamory #answering asks #nuances #does this all make sense?

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seradae · 7 months

Text

Patch Tuesday [TF/agender] [robotics] [hacking] [sex mention but no sex]

Jess walked into the living room to see her partner sitting on the couch, twitching violently. "You doing okay, sweet?"

"Not... really. I keep having these glitches. My actuators are over-responding and I can't figure out any way to change it in my settings." It twitched again and sighed. "But I'll be okay. Don't worry, love."

She sat down and put her arm around Q. "I'm so sorry; have you checked with Phantom Robotics? They might have a fix or workaround."

"They said they don't have anyone who can fix it up here. I'd have to go down to Earth and wouldn't see you for weeks," it pouted. "Assuming they can even fix it."

She trailed her fingers over its back gently. "I could take a look, you know," she said, thinking through the process. "I'd have to disassemble you, but I bet I could fix it."

It blushed, looking down at the floor. "You'd violate my warranty, love. You wouldn't be able to return me or get me fixed if something else breaks."

She grabbed its chin and softly turned it to face her. "What part of you thinks that I would ever in a million years return you, sweet? I love you so much and you're mine for as long as you'll allow it. And if I can't fix something, no one can!"

Q leaned in and kissed her softly. "I love you too. Thank you for doing this for me; it's been killing me."

They went into Jess' office and she cleared a desk for it to lay atop. "You sure you want to do this? There's a chance -- however slim -- that I might make things worse," Jess asked, gripping its hand.

"I trust you, my love. Will you leave me on, at least as much as you can? I love watching you work."

She leaned down and kissed it tenderly. "For you? Anything. I love you, sweet."

"I love you too, so much. While you're in there, think you could give me a jetpack or tentacles?" It grinned, relaxing onto the desk.

"I'll see what I can do," she chuckled. She kissed its left hand and began unscrewing it, removing it and placing it to the side. She repeated the same process for its other limbs, treating them with the utmost care. "Feeling okay?"

It grimaced slightly. "It's really weird not feeling my arms and legs. Alarms keep going off and I can't disable them. Maybe there's a maintenance switch inside me? I don't think I was supposed to be on for this."

"Want me to turn you off? I'm not very good at that," Jess joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Ha-ha," it said flatly, rolling its eyes. "But nah, I'll be okay. It's more annoying than anything."

She kissed it again and opened its torso, tracing all the cables and giving a cursory inspection of its circuitry. "Okay, so good news and bad news here. No maintenance switch or anything like that, but I see a JTAG interface right near your primary FPGA. Guessing that will give me everything I need."

"JTAG? I don't think I know about that," it said innocuously, secretly hoping for one of Jess' infodumps.

"Okay, so," she began, as she always did, making it grin to itself. "JTAG is commonly used for access to flash chips, in-circuit emulators for FPGAs like yours, and more. When I hook up to it, I should be able to talk to pretty much every interesting chip in you. At least in theory; it's a finicky protocol."

She reached into a drawer and pulled out a box with a USB cable on one end and a ribbon cable with a blocky connector on the other. "Here goes nothing," she said hesitantly as she plugged it into Q and then into her computer. "Everything okay?"

"Didn't feel a thing! All systems nominal," it said, the second part coming out like a robot from the 1980s.

She chuckled and typed a command. "Dork."

"Your dork, though. You bought me."

"Best choice I ever made," she grinned. "Okay, good news! The scan chain -- the devices in you -- looks like it has everything I'll need. And everything looks like it actually wants to cooperate, which is ... rare." She rolled her eyes, flashbacks of hacking game consoles flooding her brain temporarily; nothing ever worked the way it should.

She typed another command and saw a progress bar pop up in her terminal. "Okay, extracting your firmware now. This'll take a bit, but once I have this, I can see how you tick. This should include all your built-in functionality, FPGA bitcode, et cetera." She slid her chair backward and turned around, giving it a kiss.

"I know I'm in parts on your desk right now, but I have to say: this is fucking hot," Q said, biting its lip. "But I'll be a good bot and not distract you too much."

"You're such a perv," she grinned, kissing it again. "Maybe next time you're open like this on my operating table, we can have a bit more fun with it."

It let out a soft moan. "Any time, love. Doing anything tomorrow...?"

She turned back to her computer and started typing. "You, if I'm lucky. But now it's time to patch you up!"

A few hours later, everything was prepared. "Okay, it took some time, but I think we're good to go. I didn't change your actuator configuration, but I gave you control over it. I also rooted you so you can make future changes without having to take you apart; I set the password to 'iloveyou' with no spaces. You'll wanna change that to something I don't know. Ready for me to reflash and reboot you?"

"Do it, my love. See you on the other side," it said, closing its eyes. She sent the command and saw it go still for a few minutes. Once it completed, its eyes opened and she let out the breath she was holding. "Hey, I'm not dead! And holy shit, I have so many new settings," it marvelled.

"Welcome back! Want me to close you all up? Did you change the password?" She smiled wide, kissing it.

"Yes please, I wanna fix those settings and I need to be able to test. And yep, I already put the new root password in our shared vault."

She started closing it up and reattaching limbs gently. "The whole point of changing it was so that only you have access to your internals, sweet," she chided.

It tweaked the settings and tested moving its limbs around as they were fixed in place. "Every part of me is yours. I know you would never change anything to hurt or control me. I love you and I trust you; if that ever changes, so will the password."

It sat up on the desk and pulled her in for a deep kiss. "You really are amazing, you know," it said softly, in awe of its girlfriend. "And you're stuck with me, now; no going back from that experience."

She smiled and kissed it again. "What a cruel fate, being stuck with my favorite person in the universe. Guess you'll just need to cuddle me about it."

#txt #nsftumblr #bd/sm relationship #wlnb love #wlnb yearning #t4t #robot nsft

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duckprintspress · 1 month

Note

hey, i'd like to just throw this out to you, since you're a press so i have a feeling you might know. if i was seeking to publish a book but i didn't want it to ever be sold through amazon, what would my options be?

Hiya!

I'm assuming you mean you're interested in self-publishing? If yes, then yeah, I can give you at least some information about your options. :D

If you don't want to use Amazon, you definitely still have some options for self-publishing a book. I can sympathize with this sentiment; we hate Amazon and I've done what I can to keep our works off there (and, ultimately, failed, but still kept it to a minimum).

There's two overarching questions you'll need to consider when deciding how to proceed:

What formats are you selling? Are you doing e-book only or e-book + print or print book only? What about audiobooks? Which will influence your choices.

Are you mostly interested in direct sales (as in, you personally sell the book to the customer) or sales-through-an-intermediary (as in, a bookstore sells your book to a customer) or distribution (as in, you list the book with someone who acts as an intermediary between you and other vendors)?

As briefly as I can, first, here's what Duck Prints Press uses:

Ingram - e-book (and, once we have one - we're working on our first! - audiobook) distribution. Ingram is the biggest book distributor in the US and has a virtual monopoly on distribution. Even places that aren't technically Ingram, such as draft2digital, usually use Ingram. Because they're a near-monopoly, Ingram has a lot of ability to, well, screw people, and one way they've tried to screw people is they keep making it harder to get into their better services, pushing people to their much-less-supported service IngramSpark. I managed to get the Press grand-fathered in to Coresource, which is their e-book and audiobook distribution system, even tho we don't meet the current minimums for number of titles for that product. I CAN'T get into Lightning Source, which is their better-supported print book distribution service, because we don't have enough titles (we'd need 30, we currently have 10ish). If I wanted to use IngramSpark, I'd have to ditch Coresource, and I don't want to do that because Coresource works great and has good customer support, and so I had to settle on a compromise I don't love until we meet the minimums for Lightning Source - I use Coresource through Ingram for e-book distribution (and don't distribute to Amazon), which is...

draft2digital - print book distribution. This was my work around for not losing Coresource in the name of getting Ingram print on demand (pod), and it came with a price: d2d doesn't let me opt out of Amazon, much to my irritation. So the three titles we currently have pod on ARE on Amazon.

our webstore - e-book and print books, directly sold to the public. Our website lets people download e-books; I package print book orders made through the webstore myself and mail them myself.

in-person sales - I started vending at events last year; this year I'll be doing about a dozen.

All of which goes to show, even trying to publish while avoiding the most evil places is really hard and a source of frustration. If anyone knows a good option for ethical publishing distribution, I'm honestly all ears. Competing with Ingram is extremely David vs. Goliath (see also the recent death of Small Press Distribution).

So: remembering that Amazon is easily the worst but that there's still basically no ethical consumption or production under capitalism...

Ingram

Of the places I'm familiar with, the best-known option with the widest reach for self-publishing distribution is IngramSpark. As mentioned, I don't use Spark, but Coresource lets me completely customize which of Ingram's partners (vendors, wholesalers, libraries, etc.) I actually distribute with, and I've assumed that other Ingram products are the same. I believe IngramSpark is currently free per title; they get paid by charging fees per sale and because they get better listing deals with partners than an individual would get (like, Ingram might get charged x per title they list with, idk, Barnes and Noble, whereas you as an individual would get charged y, where y is larger than x, and Ingram pockets the difference).

I know a lot of people who use IngramSpark and my impression is that when it works, it works really well, but when it doesn't, getting help/customer service can be a nightmare. Virtually everyone I know who has used them has stories about late titles, support taking a week+ to reply, that kind of thing. I believe they have an option to pay for better/more rapid responses from customer support, which I feel kinda tells you everything you need to know about IngramSpark.

Draft2Digital

Another option is draft2digital. They use the Ingram distribution network, but again they can do so cheaper than an individual can because of their bulk sales through Ingram. They also offer e-book, audiobook, and print distribution. I use draft2digital for print and I've been quite satisfied with their customer support, but their print distribution doesn't allow opt-out of Amazon. HOWEVER, I believe their e-book distribution does. At minimum, there's a checklist on d2d about "steps you have to take to distribute e-books through d2d" and I'm assuming if you just. didn't do that checklist. then you obviously wouldn't get your books distributed through them. The other big thing I don't like about d2d (which may also be true of IngramSpark, idk) is that they charge after the first revision. Which is to say: you put together your book, you upload your book, you get it all set... and you notice a mistake. Okay, fine. You fix the mistake and re-upload. Re-uploading uses a "change token." You only get one free change token per title per six months. So, you notice another mistake you feel you have to fix a few days after that first? That'll cost $25. I've personally just kinda... tried to find all my mistakes right off and fix them, and anything I spot after that, I keep a log and will update all of them at the six month point. (I understand why they do this, btw - they have actual humans doing set-up on their end, so if you revise eight times in a week, that's a lot for an actual human, and charging for the tokens forces people to be careful, helps ensure people submit books that are actually ready in good faith, and helps keep costs low. That doesn't mean it's not annoying, though.)

Bookvault

Bookvault is a UK-based print-on-demand option (so NO e-book distribution, just print) that has recently started offerings in the US too. They currently have a relatively limited distribution network, but they're growing, and especially for UK-based people they're a strong alternative. I've heard a lot of positive reports about their printing in a FB group I'm in (Kickstarter for Authors - do recommend, lots of great info there), but I'll own my personal experiences weren't great and I've decided not to keep using them for now. However, if what you primarily want is print books as print-on-demand, and some limited distribution choices, they're a good choice, and they can help with option five below.

Do It Yourself Lite

A fourth option that's a LOT of work is...you add it everywhere yourself. Most places will let you. For example, here's how to sell on Barnes and Noble.com. When I self-pubbed a book a few years back, before I ran the Press, I submitted my work by hand to several different options (B&N, Kobo, Amazon because I still used them then, Smashwords, to name a few). However, doing this isn't the same as distribution - it only will sell through that specific vendor - and as far as I know there are no options for doing print-on-demand those ways (I THINK, tho I'm not sure, that Amazon is the only place you can set up both e-book and pod through a single vendor - it's not something I've researched tho, cause with the Press, doing single-title-at-a-time entry across so many different vendors is simply not realistic).

Side note on this: I don't believe there's a way to list self-pub books on Bookshop.org, but don't quote me on that.

This method also doesn't work well if you want to get your title in with libraries. I researched this a bit well over a year ago now, so I don't recall all the details, but before we signed up for Ingram I DID try to see if there was a way for us to publish and get in libraries especially without involving them, but there...wasn't really. Places like Overdrive that handle e-book-to-library distribution don't really have a way for individuals to submit; I have this vague memory I found a way to do it that involved paying per title but tbh I can't even find that now (though while I was looking I did find this decent-looking article about how to get your self-published book out in the world, echoing a lot of what I say here).

Do It Yourself Difficult Mode

Your fifth major option, and what we originally did as a press, is: do it all yourself. You can get your own storefront (ours is through Woocommerce + Wordpress). You can do your own crowdfunding. You can run your own newsletter (I use Mailerlite), do your own advertising, etc. You can do your own printing (we currently use Booklogix and I'm quite happy with them, their customer service is A+++). You can vend at events, you can market to local bookstores, sell through bookstores that do consignment, etc. You can learn to format your own e-books (I use a combination of Affinity software and Calibre, with an assist from Daisy to improve the accessibility of our e-books). You can get access to stock images and vector art to make things look nice (I use vecteezy). There's a LOT you can do entirely on your own. And that's what I did for myself before I ran the Press, and what I did for the Press for the first couple years we operated.

The reason I changed how the Press handles things? I hate to say this but the sad truth of publishing is that not using Amazon is utterly crippling to a publisher. As of 2 years ago, Amazon represented 67% of all book sales in the United States. Not selling through Amazon means accepting you'll simply be completely unable to reach more than half of the people reading works in English all around the world (works not in English may be different, I don't know that market since I publish in English). And for myself, alone - for my works? I could make that choice. But the Press currently works with well over 100 authors, and I ultimately felt I couldn't make the same choice to them. I tried so so hard not to compromise this, but refusing all distribution, when we were also avoiding Amazon, meant completely hamstringing the ability of authors we work with to market and sell their books. It meant, to work with us, people would have to sacrifice so much of their ability to earn money from their words, and it just didn't feel right to continue in that avenue as we grew. So, I was forced to compromise: first to use Ingram, which I did on the condition that I'd be able to reject Amazon specifically, and then by having to use draft2digital, including their goddamn Amazon print-on-demand, at least until I qualify for a better option, which as soon as I can do? You bet your butt I'll be switching and opting out of Amazon again.

The current climate makes these choices really hard, and I didn't make them lightly, nor did I make them alone - there's about 20 people on the DPP staff, and they all contributed opinions and voted on the final decisions I implemented for the Press in these regards.

(and sorry, I know "what DPP does and why" is a bit to the left of your actual question, but I felt like it'd be weird to make a list of recommendations without including the decisions I've personally made and why - like, why would I recommend you something I don't do myself with the books I publish? So sorry for the info dump.)

The TL:DR of all this is, as far as I know, and as I've been forced to accept as part of the realities of running a small press in the modern world of publishing, is that avoiding one Big Evil (Amazon) with any hope of achieving even a modicum of success basically requires partnering with at least one other Big Evil (Ingram especially). It's a very hard game to win.

HOWEVER, you are doing this FOR YOURSELF, NOT for all the people involved in a business larger than just you. If you're willing to put in the extra work to figure out a lot on your own and manage your own marketing, you can theoretically build enough of an audience to go it alone without Amazon OR Ingram OR places like Kobo/B&N/etc. You'll have to outlay more out of pocket - things like webhosting cost money - and you'll have to be a lot more careful - if you're running your own website instead of using someone elses, you gotta go above and beyond making you're in compliance with privacy rules and such - but it can be done.

And if you don't want to go that route, and your only real "to avoid" is Amazon specifically... use IngramSpark.

Sorry I'm long-winded. I hope this helps! Good luck with your publishing goals!

(and if others reading this have some other advice and resources, things I may not know about, please do weigh in! I bet the asker would like to know, and I'm always eager to learn about new options too.)

#duck prints press #about us #self publishing #faq #yeah ya'll know you can send us asks like this right #and i'll spend way too long answering them and talk your ear off #sorry (not sorry?)

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 1 month

Note

May I humbly request “why didn't you kill me when you had the chance?” from the enemies/rivals to lovers prompts with Christopher Pike please? 💕

Send me a rivals (to lovers?) sentence starter!

Of course my dear! I hope you're having a lovely day!

You have your orders, and are told within earshot of their cell: if the prisoners try to escape again, shoot them on sight.

You don't now if it's pure luck or a coincidence that you're on patrol that night, or that you round the corner just in time to see their leader five steps out of the cell that they're being kept in.

"Get back!" You hiss, raising your phaser and advancing toward him swiftly, "Go!"

The man backs up, hands raised in a show of surrender. You grasp the gate that they've managed to open, closing it hurriedly and covering the code on the pad as you relock it. You shoot a murderous gaze at the five inside, jaw tight. Your heart leaps into your throat as you hear your commander call your name, and you turn around just as they approach you. Your back goes ram-rod straight, chin up as he comes closer.

"Lieutenant! What's going on here?"

"Nothing, sir," You insist. "Just checking that everything is secure."

"Is it?"

"Yes, sir."

He casts a gaze over your shoulder, brows drawing down as he looks them over. You fight to keep from fidgeting, your stomach churning with nerves. Does he know that you're lying? Were they seen on the security feeds?

But he finally nods slowly, drawing away with a murmur to keep up the good work. You nod, mumble, "Sir," And hold your position until he's out of sight. You let your breath drain from you slowly, your body releasing just a little bit of the tension before you look over your shoulder, locking eyes with the man that had been trying to escape.

"Do not do that again. It won't always be me coming around that corner," It feels like a stupid thing to say even as you say it, but the man gives a small nod, and goes so far as to take another step back from the door. You glance around to the others, finding them watching you warily. You just give a small shake of your head before you leave, lingering around the corner and listening for any click of a lock for the rest of your shift.

They're not like the other off-worlders. From what you can tell, they didn't sneak onto the facility to try and steal your tech—but you still don't know how they got past the planetary defense systems in the first place, or why. They fought well, but they'd been no match for your squadron once you'd been deployed to their location.

The five of them—two women, two men, and one Vulcan—can't be kept together. It's your commander's decision to split them up. You're not sure how effective it'll be, though you suppose its worth a chance until you can get answers out of them. You think that you may escape any more association with the situation, but your commander insists that you move their leader to his new high-security cell—and puts you in charge of his watch.

You grit your teeth and agree, certain that you have no choice but to obey. Your commander is not a kind man; he rewards loyalty with punishing work, and insubordination with death.

You force your expression to passive indifference as you approach their cell, fingers twitching over the handcuffs strapped to your belt.

"You," You nod to him, drawing the attention of all. "Get up."

It takes him a moment, but he rises slowly.

"Come here," You add, punching in the code for the door and listening to the snick as it unlocks.

"What is this?" He asks.

"You're coming with me."

"Where are you taking him?" A woman is up in seconds, just a step behind. You still your hand on the door, letting your gaze flit to her.

"Another cell."

"Why?"

"They don't trust you together." You probably shouldn't tell them that, but it's obvious enough.

"Why only take him?" The Vulcan pipes up.

"He's the first. He won't be the last." You look between all of them. "I'm going to open the door. If any of you rush me, I'll have to raise the alarm. If you try to escape, I can't be held responsible for what they do to you. I can promise that whatever they choose will be brutal." You meet the man's eye again. "I'm going to open this. I want you to step out and hold your hands forward."

"...I understand," The man says.

"Chris," The woman warns lowly.

"Captain, I would advise against this," Another woman begins to rise, then freezes when she sees your hand twitch toward your phaser.

"Stand down, La'an. That's an order." His gaze stays steady on yours, hands raising, palms open and fingers spread as you open the door just enough for him to inch out. You shut it quickly, punching the code with one hand and draw your cuffs off of your belt. He holds still, and despite your movements, you feel his eyes steady on your face. You turn to the others, eyes skating across their faces again before you reach up, gently nudging the man's shoulder and guiding him to leave ahead of you. You learned a long time ago not to let a prisoner follow you, or have the opportunity to easily grab your phaser.

He goes, slowing only for a second to shoot a wink at his compatriots over his shoulder—it's a reassurance that isn't meant for you, but makes your chest flutter nonetheless.

"Left here," You order, and he does as you say.

"What's your name?" He asks, and before he can twist all the way to look at you for an answer, you snap, "Face forward."

He does so, keeping an even pace down the corridor.

"I'm Christopher," He adds.

"Congratulations."

"You're not going to tell me your name?"

"You don't need it."

"I might."

"Trust me, you don't. Make a right."

He does. You can see him turning his head a bit this way and that, no doubt trying to memorize markers, security cameras, things that may help him find his way back to that first cell.

"You're a lieutenant?" He asks. You bite the inside of your cheek, fighting back an irritated groan. Is he going to talk the whole time?

"That's what your commander said," He adds. "How long have you been working here?"

You still refuse to respond.

"Must be a while. You seem pretty familiar with the layout."

This man must be plenty comfortable making conversation with himself—

You pull up short as he stops, taking a wary step back as he turns to face you. The two of you stand in testy silence for a few tense moments. You wait for him to spring toward you, past you, away from you. You try to think of every possibility, but he hits you with something that you could never have anticipated:

"I'm not going to hurt you."

Your eyes narrow slightly.

"...Are you going to hurt me?" He adds.

"Please turn back around."

He tips his head to the side a touch, and when he takes a step forward, you take a step back.

"I'm not going to ask you again," You raise your voice a little, trying to instill fear in him, and a sense of authority in yourself. His lips twitch with a small, almost taunting smile as he takes one more step. He freezes, watching your hand raise to rest on your phaser. He nods a little, finally turning to face away from you.

"...Left or right?" He asks. You nearly can't hear it over the roaring of blood in your ears. You actually have to think about it before you say: "Right."

He lets you nudge him into the cell, lock him up, and then steps forward when you open the latch.

"Give me your hands," You wave him closer. "I'll take the cuffs off."

He takes his time coming closer, and you have to fight a shiver off as his blue eyes seem to spear into you.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Do you do anything else?" You grumble, raising your hands to unlock the mechanism. He chuckles softly as the cuffs fall away, and grasps your wrists once the cuffs are off. You suck in gasp in, eyes widening slightly. He isn't pulling or doing anything threatening—just holding.

"...Why didn't you kill me when you had the chance?" He asks.

"What?"

"You had orders to shoot us on sight. You let me live the other day—and you could've killed me in the hall just now."

You shake him off, yanking your hand back. He's still watching you with a warmth that's unfamiliar to you, and disarming.

"Maybe I just want to know how you all snuck onto the planet," You fib. "Can't find that out if you're dead."

He nods a touch, his gentle hum almost condescending. You raise your hand to shove the latch shut, but he catches it with his hand before you can, lowering his voice,

"When we get out of here—and we will get out of here," His lips curl into a mischievous smile, "I'll remember."

"Remember what?"

"Your kindness."

He lets go of the latch, and you slam it shut, locking it hurriedly. Finally out of his sight, you let you sigh out a panicked breath, tugging your armor back from your neck a touch to cool your rapidly heating neck and face.

#Christopher Pike x Reader #Christopher Pike x You #Christopher Pike/Reader #Christopher Pike/You #Christopher Pike fic #Christopher Pike imagine #asks #replies #requests #prompts #elen tag

26 notes · View notes

seven4asecret · 2 months

Text

₊✩‧₊˚ Tipping The Scales Pt.3 ˚₊✩‧₊

Moonknight System x Layla x Gn! (Eventual Avatar) Reader

Content & Warnings: No pronouns, no Y/N, no Smut, descriptions of typical violence, eventual polyamory, & badly written fight scenes

Ao3 Wattpad Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Chapter 3: Feelings? (Rip Khonshu)

You closed the door to your apartment behind Layla, before scrambling towards your desk. You flipped a few stray papers aside and lifted a few books. Where did you have it last?

"Hey, uh, we should probably make sure you don't have a minor concussion and stop the bleeding before you-"

"I-I'm fine. Just give me one moment." You checked your nightstand, the counter, and the couch. You had it only a few hours earlier. What could you have done with it?

"What are you doing?" Layla asked brows furrowed as she watched you scramble around your small apartment.

"Looking for this!" You explained triumphantly as you untangled your blanket, the book from earlier landed on the floor with a thump. You winced at the surprisingly loud noise, the headache returning. Maybe she had a point.

"Okay. Can I ask why a book on Ancient Egypt takes priority over medical attention?" She crossed her arms and nodded at the book now in your hands.

You sighed, dropping your shoulders in defeat. Your head did hurt. And it probably wasn't the best choice to let it go unchecked.

"Do you have a first aid kit anywhere? Or-"

"Yeah. It's under the sink. I'll grab it." You blinked a few times, trying to clear the sudden dizziness. You must have stood a bit too quickly. Low iron and all that.

You took a step. Layla took your arm, stopping you.

"How about you just sit here," She pushed you gently back onto the couch," and I'll go grab it okay?" You nodded and leaned back. It was nice of her to do. Especially for someone who was practically still a stranger. You appreciated it, really, but with everything that happened, you wanted to figure out what was going on. You had a sneaking suspicion that this bird-man wasn't just a weird attachment.

Layla returned with the kit a second later, both of you maneuvering to sit on the couch facing each other. You suddenly noticed her eyes had flakes of gold as she leaned towards you, bringing a cloth to the side of your head.

"Thanks." You winced as she began to wipe the blood away.

"It's no problem." She hesitated a moment. "Can I... ask you a question?"

"Y-yeah. Go for it." You fiddled with your hands resting on your lap.

"How were you and Steven able to see it? The jackal?"

You swallowed.

She was going to think you were crazy.

You just met one of the coolest, most badass people you had ever encountered, and now she was going to think you were crazy. Great. You took a breath and glanced down.

"To be honest I've just... always been able to see things." You waved your hand, "Spirits, ghosts, and the like."

"Oh." She pulled back the rag.

"Yeah." You cringed. "It's crazy, I know. But the jackal...that wasn't anything like what I normally see. Usually, most things are fairly peaceful and have limited interaction with their environment. It sounds insane but I swear I didn't hit my head that hard."

She cracked a smile.

"Okay. I'll trust you, considering you haven't passed out on me yet." She brought the rag back up to your head.

"Really?" You released a breath.

"Yeah." She paused," I mean... we just got attacked by an invisible jackal. It's not too hard to think there are more things like...that out there."

You nodded.

She pulled the rag away. It was stained with a light crimson spot.

"I think the bleeding has stopped but you might want to watch out for any more dizziness. You'll also want to keep a cold cloth on for about 20 minutes at a time on it."

"Okay." She handed you a clean cloth, and you did as instructed.

You turned back to her.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"What's the situation with you and Steven or Marc, I guess? I mean you don't have to tell me of course I-"

She sighed, "No. It's fine. He...he disappeared. For months I heard nothing. I thought he had been kidnapped or...killed. Then out of nowhere, he sent divorce papers. Next thing I know the phone is turned on and I tracked it." She paused a moment. "How about you and Steven?"

"Oh, we just work together at a museum. I'm a guide for the Greco-Roman exhibit, he works in the gift shop. I'm sorry about the two of you. I'm sure that was awful."

"Just work together, huh?" She flashed you a grin. "But, yeah...I'm just glad to know he's okay for now."

"You wouldn't happen to know where he went with the jackal would you?"

She shook her head, "No. But I would guess that he will start making his way to Egypt."

"Why? Doesn't he still need the scarab?"

"Yes. But Ammit's tomb is Cairo. That's where the scarab will lead. We need to meet Marc and find the tomb before Harrow."

"W-we?" You looked at her surprised.

"Yeah." She shrugged. "If you want. Harrow has seen you with us so it would be safer to leave for now. It also would be pretty convenient to know when I've got another jackal after me." She nudged your shoulder and grinned. "Besides, Steven's fond of you. I'm sure he'd want you there." You felt your face begin to heat up. You weren't sure if it was because of her sudden closeness to you or that she had brought up your coworker.

"So what do you say? Are you up for trying to stop an ancient goddess from taking over the world?"

"Yeah. Let's do it."

"I'll book the tickets for tomorrow. Okay? I'll swing by here to pick you up after I make a stop."

You nodded, "Okay. Sounds like a plan."

She gave you a quick smile and closed the door behind her. The gravity of what you had gotten yourself involved with dawned on you. You sighed to yourself and pushed those thoughts to the side. Right now you needed to see if you were right about your hunch, you turned and reached for the book.

You couldn't help but pick up on the recent name-dropping of ancient Egyptian entities. The jackals and the recurring crescent moons only served to fuel your theory. It would make sense. Why the entity had felt so different, ancient. Why it had felt more powerful than most spirits? Maybe because it wasn't one. It would make sense why it shared so much resemblance to a mummy and presented itself as half humanoid half animal.

Steven had mentioned a name earlier...Khonshu, was it? The Egyptian god of the moon?

You flipped open the book, scouring the pages for the name.

Khenti-Amentiu... Khenti-kheti...Kepri...Kherty...

You stopped.

Khonshu

You looked at the illustration a skeletal bird-man staring at you from the page.

No way.

‘Khonshu is the Egyptian god of the moon and the guardian of the travelers of the night. His name itself means "traveler" or "wanderer" and may correlate to the journey of the moon across the sky. In addition, he was also known as a god of healing and fertility. When there was a full moon present he was believed to possess power over evil spirits. Khonshu's earliest depiction describes him as a cannibal god. He was terrifying and violent and feasted on the hearts of men and consumed other gods. His nature evolved over time and was more benevolent in the new kingdom. Here, he was worshipped more widely.’

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

You sat on your sofa, cloth to your head as the TV cast a blue glow around your flat.

You tensed. The hair on your arms stood on end.

The atmosphere had abruptly shifted. The earlier comfort of your flat had become noticeably uneasy. You felt a pair of eyes on you.

Khonshu.

You could sense him before you caught sight of his figure. He stood just on the edge of your periphery. You sucked in a nervous breath. In all the time you had felt his presence, you had never sensed him in a place that Steven wasn't.

Well… This was unsettling.

You didn't sense any negative intent from him, but that didn't stop your apprehension. Your hands trembled lightly.

Don't panic. You attempted to ease your worry. He's never bothered you before.

"K-Khonshu?" You whispered as you turned towards him.

He abruptly appeared before the couch. You jumped. Khonshu loomed over you, his skull nearly grazing the ceiling.

He tilted his head at your acknowledgment. The blue lighting from your TV cast him in a sinister shadow. You were still not used to seeing him so close. Your heart pounded as you noted just how intimidating he was. He stood unmoving for a moment, seemingly observing your shaking form.

"You need not fear me, little one." His voice was surprisingly gentle. "I wish you no harm... rather the opposite. I have come to offer to you my protection. "

This took a moment for you to process. This was certainly not expected from the bird-man.

"W-what? Why?"

"I must admit I'm..." He paused and turned his head, "Curious. It should be nearly impossible for mortals to sense us. Yet, you felt my presence long before I revealed myself. You possess quite a rare ability. I had believed it had perished among mortals a millennia ago."

You hesitated, fidgeting with your hands.

"When I... first felt your presence, I knew something was different about you." You furrowed your brow, "But at first, I believed you to be just another spirit or entity."

"We do not exist in the same way as mortal spirits or other entities but it is similar. Both do not exist on the same plane of reality as this one. But our's makes us more difficult to perceive."

You paused, the information slowly sinking in.

"W-wait. Hold on." You waved your hands, "You're saying I can perceive... interdimensional beings?

"To put it simply, yes." He nodded. This revelation was unnerving. Your ability was much more complicated than you thought.

"But... why does it interest you so much if all I can do is see you?" You began to get the creeping sense that he wanted something from you.

"Oh, but you can do much more than that, little star. Your ability allows you to channel a god's energy, focusing it and allowing them more power in this plane. This makes you quite valuable to the gods. I do not wish for you to fall into the wrong hands." He paused.

You glanced down, hesitant.

"I offer to you my protection, resistance from injuries, and illness. I can keep you safe from harm. In return, simple offerings and rituals would be all I demand. I only ask that you serve as my priest."

You hesitated. If you accepted, you wouldn't be entirely useless anymore. Part of your work for Khonshu would potentially help Marc and Steven. You'd imagine they would need as much power as they could to face off against Ammit. The offer of protection was helpful. But it paled compared to the opportunity to help the people you cared about. You wanted to do something to aid them.

"Okay." You nodded. A small part in the recess of you whispered that this might be a mistake. You pushed those thoughts away. You could do something now. You drew in a breath, "I-I want to help. I'll do it."

"Good. You've made the right choice..." Khonshu leaned forward towards you, hand outstretched. "Now, allow me to see your wound."

You furrowed your brow in confusion, resisting the urge to shrink away from his menacing figure. You did as he asked. It was only a minor concussion. What would it matter to him if you got hurt? You took off the cloth, letting out a sigh. Crusted blood surrounded the gash as your head throbbed.

You tried not to appear too apprehensive of his sudden closeness. Khonshu raised his hand to your head, fingers hovering over the injury. He stilled a moment. He seemed to hesitate before allowing his fingers to brush against your head. You flinched as they met with the tender wound. His fingers were surprisingly cold, even through the worn wrappings. You suppressed a shudder.

A feeling of numbness began to spread around the gash, soothing the painful throbbing of the headache. Khonshu caressed the healed skin once before pulling away.

"There. I cannot have my little priest hunting down the tomb injured." He gripped his staff and raised his head. "Now, I require an offering before your departure."

"Uh...sure." You blinked. "What do I need to do?"

"I will require an altar first."

It took you a bit to find a good spot, but you eventually decided on the top of a short bookshelf. You felt it was a perfect spot as the moonlight shone through the window and onto the wood. Khonshu meanwhile hovered as he guided your efforts. You added a black cloth, lit a few candles, and burnt some incense you kept around. You completed the altar with a small moon-shaped plate that held a few crystals.

You turned back to Khonshu, silently asking for his opinion. He offered you a soft hum of approval.

"Now what?"

"I require an offering of nourishment. Bread and wine will do."

You walked to your pantry, "Just out of curiosity, do you need some food to exist or..."

"How curious you are, little one. While our life force requires replenishment, which can be given to us through offerings, we are not dependent on sustenance the way mortals are."

"Huh. That's neat." Your eyes landed on a small bag of birdseed. You hadn't ended up feeding the birds at the park for a few weeks you didn't want it to go to waste. You fought a smile. Peeking back at the moon god, you watched him glance around your flat. His back was towards you. You took a tiny dish and scooped a bit into it. Grabbing a glass of wine and a slice of bread you made your way toward the altar. You added the bowl next to one of the candles in the back. You turned back to Khonshu, a plate of bread and a glass of wine in hand.

Khonshu joined you by the altar, taking one last look over it. He stopped suddenly, gaze fixed on the small dish.

"What is that."

"Oh, that. That's just some birdseed." You shrugged, attempting to keep from smiling. "The crows at the park seem to like it so I thought I'd add some here. 'Cause y'know..." You motioned to him.

Despite not being able to express emotion the typical way, you could feel Khonshu cast an annoyed glare your way. But there was no true bitterness behind it. It did absolutely nothing to deter the grin on your face.

"You believe yourself to be so clever, don't you? You are quite bold to mock a god." He shook his head at you, and let out a sigh.

You gave him a shy grin. "So what do I do with the food? I don't think you exactly... have a mouth... How exactly does this work.?"

"You offer it to me and eat."

"Okay. I...uh... offer this bread and wine to Khonshu." You ate and drank the offerings.

You paused, "Did it work?"

"Yes. It was acceptable. This is all I require of you for now." Khonshu lifted your chin, "I shall see you soon, my star."

With a gust of wind, he was gone, leaving you alone in your flat wondering what you had gotten yourself into.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

After quickly shoving some clothes and other necessities into a small suitcase you phoned your boss at the museum. You made a rushed call letting them know you would be out for an unknown amount of time due to sudden personal reasons. Thankfully it was well received and you were off the hook.

You began to throw a few items into a small carry-on. A sketchbook, and some pencils to keep you occupied.

Your eyes landed on the mythology book. You studied the intricate cover before grabbing it and adding it to the bag.

You jumped as you heard a knock at the door. Opening it you were met with Layla.

"Hey! Are you ready to go?"

"Ready when you are."

You both managed to make it through security and boarded the plane. The flight wouldn't last long but it was a decent amount of time. Layla sat next to you, earbuds in, staring at the fading ground. You pulled out your sketchbook. Your interactions with the bird-man, or Khonshu rather, were haunting you.

Metaphorically, of course.

All your interactions with him had been a bit odd. The gentle wind gusts, his curious watching from afar, had abruptly and drastically changed seemingly overnight. You had seen a fraction of Khonshu's anger. That had terrified you. The next time you saw him, he had been completely different. He was much more directly involved in what was going on. Then the last night he had been almost...kind? But he was gentle as he tended to your wounds and offered you his protection. You began to question his motives. You should probably be a bit careful in case this turned into some word Greek Mythology type shit. You knew what he wanted with you. But what did he want with Steven?

"What is that?" You turned to see Layla eyeing your drawing. You blinked. You didn't realize you had drawn Khonshu.

"Oh. That's Khonshu. He's... Steven's attachment."

"Well, that's horrifying. You've seen that?"

"Yeah." You shrugged, "I've seen him a few times. He chased us out of the building just as we met you."

She stared at you. "You say that like that's just a normal occurrence. How were you not scared of that?

"Oh, I was fucking terrified. But he wasn't usually like that. He's been pretty chill up until then. I get the feeling he can be a bit moody."

She just blinked in surprise and laughed. "I have no idea how you're calm about that. You had a god chase you out of a building!"

"Well, in retrospect it's a bit funny. He went all out with it. Rattling the doors, flickering the lights. He made sure we ran into him just to turn around and be dramatic. Dude could run a great haunted house if he wanted."

She laughed again and shook her head at you. " I think you'd be the only person to come out of that experience and be able to say that."

The landing was announced over the speakers.

Your stomach dropped as the plane jolted, causing you to clutch the armrest.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. The landing just always makes me nervous." You chuckle nervously as the plane rattles.

She takes your hand and squeezes it, surprising you, before leaning closer as she grins. "You know the odds of crashing are low. It's one in like 11 million."

You turn to her, matching her smile, "One, the odds are never zero, and thus still horrifying. And two so not helpful." You playfully shove her shoulder.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

The marketplace was packed. Stalls crowded the roadsides and colorful rugs, fruits, and other items were on display.

Oh, you were so getting a souvenir after this.

People swarmed the remaining space, some shouting in order to attract a customer. Various vehicles attempted to maneuver their way through the crowd, and the beeping of horns was almost constant. You assumed looking for Marc or Steven in this place was going to be difficult. Layla somehow spotted Marc within only twenty minutes of being there.

When you finally spotted him you wanted to rush over and hug him, ask if he was okay, what had happened, and how he escaped the jackal. Why had he left the two of you without a word?

But this wasn't Steven. This wasn't your friend.

So you stood beside Layla, attempting to ignore the immense relief you felt at seeing them okay.

"I hope you like attention." She walked up behind Marc. He turned away, frustrated but stayed put. "Right guy, right place. But you're not Egyptian. "

"Layla, what the hell are you doing here? And you," His dark eyes locked onto you, "You shouldn't be here. You've made a mistake getting involved."

You winced at the intensity of his glare but said nothing. You were busy noting the change in atmosphere as the hair on the back of your neck stood up.

"Oh, leave them alone Marc." She tilted her head, "Why shouldn't I be here? Because my name pisses off a few people in Cairo? Who cares?"

"It's not the locals I'm worried about." Almost simultaneously as he glanced behind Layla you felt a familiar presence. Sure enough, the bird-man, Khonshu, was perching on a rooftop. As looming as always.

You made the closest thing to eye contact you could with him. He barely moved, but you could distantly make out his head bow slightly in recognition. You gave a small wave. You could sense his amusement.

You heard Layla as you were pulled back into the conversation. "Come with me. I'll help you find what you need."

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

The view of the waters surrounding the boat would have been breathtaking, with the orange lights of the city reflecting in the dark water. Only if it wasn't for the conversation happening on it.

"So what exactly are we gonna do here? What's the plan?" Marc asked.

"Oh. It's not pleasant being left in the dark is it?"

This made you wonder why you were here. You really had no right to include yourself in their situation, despite the fact you already had. Continuously. It was nice of Layla to include you, despite this. She sympathized with your situation. You just wanted your friend back. You wanted him to be okay. You let your thoughts wander as you looked out over the water and attempted to block out their personal conversation.

"Okay. Let's get our story straight."

Eventually, the boat docked.

Layla stepped up onto it, handing a bag to Marc before helping you up.

"This guy's got a lot of friends."

"Yeah, and a lot with guns."

Suddenly Marc froze, looking out over the water. You could barely make out the silhouette of an unlit boat.

"What is it?" Layla asked. "Harrow's men keeping tabs?" Your stomach dropped.

"I don't know. It could be."

"Let's go." Layla led the way. "Remember, your name is Rufino Estrada."

"Right."

"We just got back from our honeymoon in the Maldives." You weren't sure how you would fit into this. A couple coming back from their honeymoon was believable. But adding a third person would have been a bit odd.

"That's an interesting little detail to give to them."

"I'd tell them you worked at a gift shop, but they'd never believe me, would they?" She turned to you. "You'll be Callaway Kingsley. Our partner." Marc raised his eyebrows at her, glancing from you to her.

"Oh, I'm not sure I have enough knowledge on these types of antiquities dealings to realistically-"

"No, not that type of partner." She stated.

"Oh." You blinked. It took a second for you to get what she meant. "Oh!"

That type of partner.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

"Bek." She greeted.

"Layla."

"It's been a while."

"Good to see you." Bek glanced at you. "Who's this?"

Layla grinned at you and wrapped an arm around you. "This is our partner, Cal."

You panicked. How would you sell the act? Lean closer? Still could be mistaken for close friends or colleagues. You didn't want to look uncomfortable or awkward. What if you blew your cover? What if you made her uncomfortable? You could feel your face heating up. You took her hand, laying a gentle kiss on the back of it. Marc's gaze caught your eye.

You could only briefly see the shock behind her eyes before she gave you a small smile.

"Alright. Right, this way." Bek gestured to the three of you.

"Thank you."

When Marc grabbed Layla's hand, you were surprised to feel her take yours. You followed.

"He's looking forward to seeing you. After Madripoor I'm sure you three will have a lot to talk about. Excuse me for one moment. Mr. Mogart will be with you shortly."

The three of you stood, observing the riders on horseback.

"So what? This joker just puts on El-Mermah games in his backyard, for fun?"

"No, he gets private lessons by the best in his backyard." She turned to Marc.

"Cool."

A man hopped down from a horse and was given a robe.

"I like the robe."

"Layla. Come in." He waved to her. Such a delight to see you."

"You too." She returned his greeting."

"How have you been?" He kissed her hand.

You narrowed your eyes at his action. The sudden jealousy you felt was new.

"Good. Thank you for having us over on such short notice."

"Oh, please. I hope you realize you need no excuse to drop by."

"This is my husband, Rufino." Layla introduced him.

"Pleasure." They shook hands.

"And this is our partner, Cal." You extended your hand for a shake. Mogart took it and kissed it instead. You had to keep from scowling.

"Nice to make your acquaintance." The four of you turned, and you took the opportunity to wipe your hand on the side of your pants.

"I hope you understand this is more than a collection to me. Preserving history is a responsibility I take very seriously." Layla and Mogart took the lead, leaving you to trail behind with Marc. You were nervous. You didn't know exactly where you stood with him. He already didn't want you here. And you had just made it worse by panicking and making a move on his wife. He probably hated you.

"A self-appointed responsibility that you alone were able to enjoy, no?" Layla responded.

"Well, I prefer to see it as a philanthropic effort at preservation. Now, if I may ask, why such interest in Senfu in particular?"

"Oh, actually, our purchases are..." He cut her off.

You swallowed.

"I'm sorry. I'd like to hear from your husband if you don't mind."

"I think that... I think I just would love to take a look." Marc replied. You were worried about yourself messing this up. Now you were growing concerned for Marc. Your mind began to wander. You suppressed a smile imagining how Steven would have been ecstatic about this opportunity.

"Funny man. Feel free."

"Great." Layla took Marc's arm as the three of you made your way into the glass pyramid. The sarcophagus opened to reveal remains. You had always felt it was a little weird when dead bodies were displayed. You couldn't help but find it a bit disrespectful. They were people, human beings, after all, taken from their desired resting place only to be put on display as mere objects. You knew your opinion on this was a bit ironic, considering you worked at a museum.

"Please, just let Steven out before you blow this." She whispered.

"Not a chance." He paused, "All right, what do you see?"

"Well, the burial practices are in line with the Studenwachen texts."

"The what?" You and Marc asked in unison.

"It's legit. But all I'm seeing is literature to guide the dead. There's no location indicated."

"Okay, um... Will you give me a minute? I gotta talk to Steven... Just keep him occupied." You followed Layla to give them some space.

Layla turned to the people behind her. "He just needs a couple of minutes in there alone, 'cause... Yeah. He is..." She looked at Marc, "He's praying."

You glanced back to see Marc messing with something in the coffin. Bek started to approach him from behind. Layla began to step forward, and you followed. You caught movement out of the corner of your eye. Your breathing quickened as you noted two men with guns trailing the two of you.

The situation was getting very dangerous very fast. You hoped Khonshu was planning on upholding his offer.

"What are you doing?" Bek asked as he grabbed Marc's arm. Less than a second later Marc had wrestled the gun away from Bek.

"Marc! Don't." Layla raised her hands. The man behind her dug the gun into her back.

"Shit." Marc hissed. He handed the gun back to Bek, who pointed it right back at him.

Mogart forced his way passed you towards Marc. "Do you really think I'm an idiot? Get on your knees."

"Anton, stop!" Layla shouted.

"Get on your knees."

"Okay." Marc lowered himself to his knees.

Mogart turned back to Layla, the men with the gun behind you pushing you both forward. "Layla, I was so ready to make peace with you."

"You don't understand. We're trying to save many lives."

"Hey, pal." Marc spoke up, hands raised, "Take a look inside the sarcophagus. There's somethin' really, really big."

Bek whispered something into Mogart's ear.

"Well, that's interesting. It appears we have a concerned third party here." Mogart walked out, "Get up."

The three of you were forced to follow, guns aimed at you. Your eyes widened as you were met with the sight of Harrow.

"Whatever they've told you, I'm sure I can offer you something much more tangible. Why settle for a clue when you can have the treasure?" Harrow raised his hand, and the scarab hovered above his palm.

"Anton. Anton, don't listen to this man. He's trying to stop us from reaching..." Layla pleaded, only to be cut off.

"Please, stop."

"He's gonna kill millions, trust me!"

"Are you seriously talking about trust?"

Harrow spoke up. "Please, there's no need to descend into violent accusations. Each one of you has so much more in common than you know." He turned, "Layla, you keep thinking that distance will prevent the wounds from your father's murder from reopening. But something stands in your way. Your husband doesn't tell you the truth."

Marc shook his head, and Harrow continued, "And Marc, you don't tell her because you know that if you do, she'll see you exactly as you see yourself, as unworthy of love."

"You piece of shit." Marc hissed at him.

"And you." Your eyes widened at his gaze. "You feel out of place here, don't you? If you can't keep up with them, you'll end up a burden. Ammit could have given you a place of belonging. She could have used someone with your abilities. It's quite unfortunate you decided to serve Khonshu."

You grit your teeth together at his words. How did he know?

Harrow turned back to Mogart, and lifted his staff. "Anton... The lore surrounding these relics, I offer proof that it's real. This sarcophagus doesn't belong to anyone."

The few lights around you suddenly flickered. Khonshu sat perched on the roof, haloed by the light of the moon.

"Do it. Summon the suit. Give them what they deserve."

"Anton... Would you like to see for yourself?" Harrow asked.

"Yes... I do."

The lights flickered again as Harrow began to chant, the wind picking up. You wanted to move, to do something, but your feet stayed firmly planted.

"What are you waiting for?"

Harrow continued chanting. Behind them, you saw a glimpse of a purple fire-like aura throw the sarcophagus lid and damage to the coffin. You let out a shaky breath. Whatever you had been after probably had just been destroyed.

"That's just a taste of the godly power I offer." Harrow began to walk away. Your eyes followed him.

"Hey, he's gone. Where is he?" Mogart shouted. It took a moment to register what he meant. You looked around. Marc had vanished. Had he left the two of you again? You caught sight of him standing at the top of the glass pyramid. The white cape danced in the wind.

Suddenly a glint of gold flew through the air, finding its mark in the man holding Layla. The people present began to panic. Layla grabbed the man's gun and began to shoot.

The man behind you grabbed you, pulling out his gun. You tried to wrestle your arms away to no avail. The man fired once before Marc jumped at him. You managed to use his distraction to escape his grasp.

"Thanks." You looked at Marc. His bright eyes only stared blankly at you. He turned and ran towards the gathering forces.

Alright then.

With the oncoming wave of people shooting you needed to find some cover. Layla had Marc's bulletproof cape, and you had... the very secure, entirely made of the glass pyramid.

You reached the pyramid and were met with the remains. A piece of cloth caught your eye. Wasn't that what they were looking at earlier? You grabbed it and shoved it into your pocket.

Layla ran into the pyramid. "Where's the map?"

"I got it."

She nodded at you.

You suddenly found something pressed into your side. One of the men had returned and had a gun pointed at you.

"Oh. Hey... Bek right?" You stomped on his foot hard. He let out a yelp. Using this moment you turned and pushed his arm away. He stumbled back before being showered with glass shards by Layla.

She only took a moment to grab another makeshift weapon. You noticed something in Bek's hand. He held a knife. She blocked his stab by redirecting his arm. His knife plunged into the mummy with a squelch. Ew.

You grabbed a piece of debris and attempted to hit him. He countered your attack and threw you against the wall. The impact was surprisingly painless and you muttered a quick ‘thank you’ to the moon god. You saw Layla get hurled to the ground. You briefly registered the gun that lay at your side. Bek pulled the knife from the mummy. His eyes trained on Layla.

You lined the gun up, waiting for a clear shot. You steadied your hand as Layla unclipped her collar. You fired.

Bek stumbled backward.

The bullet hit his collar. Layla jumped up and dug her weapons into his shoulders. You could see red begin to bleed through his clothing.

She looked to you, "You can shoot?"

"Yeah. A bit." You stood, shaking. The adrenaline rush was beginning to wear off.

You had just killed someone.

You swallowed, noting the queasy feeling that grew in your stomach. You felt his soul leave his body and you shut your eyes. You didn't want to see it. It vanished in a second, finding its way to whatever afterlife awaited it.

"Hey? You okay?" You blinked as registered Layla had moved in front of you. Your shaking hands are enveloped in her steady ones.

"Y-yeah. I'm g-good. Just...just fine. You?"

She glanced behind you, towards the arena, to Marc.

"Will you be okay here? Can you stay low and keep it safe?" You nodded.

"Layla... be careful."

She returned your nod, and gave a squeeze to your hand, before running towards Marc.

You positioned yourself low enough to be hidden by the structure's base. The glass above letting you get a clear view of the arena.

Your eyes landed on Marc.

He was kneeling, surrounded by men. Several spears protruded from his bandaged armor.

Your stomach sank.

A hand flew to your mouth.

No!

You couldn't tear your eyes away as Layla hopped over the fence. A man on a horse came racing towards her. She shot at him, and he fell. As he met the ground Layla was struck by Mogart.

Marc shouted.

You finally tore your eyes away. You didn't want to see what happened next. You curled up into the far wall of the pyramid, behind the broken tomb, keeping yourself concealed. Your breathing quickened as you registered the muffled yells and grunts from the arena behind you. You couldn't help the guilt that began to grow. You should be doing something instead of sitting and doing nothing. Your friends might be slaughtered, while you hid like a coward. But you had to keep the map safe. Without the scarab, this was essential to finding the tomb. You fiddled with the cloth as you spiraled.

Footsteps.

At least two people.

You panicked.

You couldn't tell who was approaching. The broken casket blocked your view from your angle. The gun from earlier sat just a few feet from you. You threw yourself towards it and clutched it tightly, finger on the trigger.

The moment footsteps sounded on the floor you shot up, gun aimed.

You were met with familiar faces.

"Oh thank the gods." You released a breath and lowered the gun. "I'm so glad you both are okay."

"You still have it?" Marc asked.

"Yeah. Right here." You handed him the map. Your fingers brushed.

"We need a car." He spoke.

"Let's go." Layla squeezed your hand. A silent reassurance.

"Tick-tock, Mark Spector. Tick-tock." Khonshu echoed from his perch.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

You sat in the back seat of the car. At this point, the third wheeling was inevitable.

"Ay. I really liked that jacket. Oh, well." Marc tossed it into the empty seat next to you.

"What was Harrow talking about?" Layla glanced at him. "He said I had a right to know."

"I have no idea."

"I never told anyone why I really moved. I mean, but he knew, he just saw right through me."

"He's just trying to mess with you. You know, he's trying to get in your mind. No, don't let him do that. You know, he's got this idea that he can see the true nature of people or some baloney like that. If that were true, I don't think he'd have a bunch of homicidal maniacs as his disciples, would he? "

"So, it's not true? What he said about you and..." She trailed off.

"No, it's not true. No, he's just trying to divide us. Don't let him get in your head."

"Every time I learn something new about you, I think, "That's it. There can't possibly be any secrets left between us." And then something else pops up, and it's like I've not known you at all." You could hear her begin to get upset.

"Yeah. You haven't. You don't." He stopped and looked out the window.

You caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror. He looked dejected. It was abundantly clear that they still harbored feelings for each other.

Layla caught your eye in the rearview mirror.

"What did Harrow mean you decided to help Khonshu?"

"Well... I-" Marc cut you off.

"He means that they got involved with something they shouldn't have." You didn't meet his eyes when he turned to you. "You should never get involved with serving gods."

Layla tilted her head, confused. You elaborated.

"Khonshu... He told me about my ability. I can... somehow channel a deity's energy and focus it. I allow them to have more power on our plane. I thought it would help Marc and Steven..." You took a breath. " I-I only wanted to help."

"Look, I appreciate the thought, I really do." Marc shook his head at you. "But you can't trust Khonshu. There's always a catch with him. And if anything were to happen to you... Steven would kill me."

You looked down, a bit ashamed of your previous actions. A tense silence settled in the car.

Eventually, you made it to wherever the three of you were headed. The dark sky looms over a vast expanse of sand.

The three of you stood around the car hood and began to assemble the map. The headlights cut through the murky blackness of the night.

"Try that."

"Maybe, actually." Layla slapped a piece of tape on the back.

"This one?" Marc handed her a piece.

"Okay. Uh... No. Anything else?"

"I'm not getting any whole constellations. It's just little pieces and fragments." He sighed. "This is gonna take forever." He slammed his hands on the car. You flinched.

"Marc, we need Steven. He understands all of this. I really think it's worth giving him a shot." Layla suggested.

"I summon the gods, you summon the worm." Khonshu appeared on the roof of the car. You jumped. "He won't return the body."

"Marc, we can't wait. It's okay, just let go."

In response, he tore the mirror off the car.

"We don't have time."

Marc scooped up the map pieces and began to walk away.

"What are you doing? She asked.

You looked to Layla. She just shrugged.

You watched as Marc's posture changed, and he flicked the edges of his coat back. You noted the familiar mannerism. You had seen Steven do it countless times. You glanced at Layla and crept forward, trying not to disturb him. You could faintly hear him muttering to himself, in a familiar British accent. You lowered yourself beside him.

"Steven?" You barely whispered.

He turned to you. It was impossible to miss the way his eyes lit up as he let out an exclamation of your name. You feel your heart nearly burst. You were so, so happy to see him again. Honestly, you weren't sure if you would again. While you've seen his face for hours, you haven't seen him since you were back in London. As he smiled, you let out a small laugh of pure relief. You wanted to hold him while he's here, make him promise never to disappear on you like that again. You almost start to cry.

In a rush of sudden courage, you hugged him. He stiffened in surprise before you felt his arms hesitantly wrap around you. You held him tighter, soaking in the feeling of the warmth of his body against yours, the unmistakable smell of him, the way you two just seemed to fit together. You let out a shaky breath before pulling away. You look at him as he stands in the glow of the headlights. You start to say something.

"I-"

"You-"

You both begin at the same time before letting out a small chuckle.

"You..." He took your hand, an undeniable fondness in his gaze, "You came all this way?" He nearly whispered.

"Yeah," You squeezed his hand. "Yeah, of course, I did. I can't let you have all the fun without me."

He's so close to you, but still too far. It feels like it's been forever since you've seen him. Your cheeks burn as your eyes flick to his lips.

Movement behind Steven catches your eye.

You could see Layla standing behind Steven. You lock eyes with her. You begin to feel a pang of guilt. You're standing there, holding hands with a man who shares a body with her husband. If the situation were different, you would never be doing this. She’s kind, clever, and doesn't deserve you complicating things. Layla is someone you would consider a friend and... maybe more. You blink in surprise as she offers you a genuine smile.

"So, uh..." You cleared your throat and gently removed your hand from Steven's. "What have you got?"

Layla joined you, sitting on his other side.

Steven takes a breath, "Egyptians invented modern navigation. There's not a lot of landmarks in the desert. So they came up with a way to get about using the sun and the stars. It's bloody genius, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Et voilà." Steven presents the completed map.

"Whoa." Layla reached out and held the star-shaped map.

"It's French." You smiled. Layla gave a quiet laugh.

"I know." You noticed the way she held her gaze on Steven.

Once this was all over, assuming she and Marc would work everything out, Layla and Steven would make a pretty cute couple. If circumstances were different you would have been teasing her about this.

"So, what do we do with it?"

"Well, I'm not sure, but if... Wait, hang on a minute. You see that? You see those little pinpricks there? That's a constellation."

"We should be able to triangulate the stars into coordinates, right? Let me just scan it." Layla took out a tablet and snapped a picture.

"Well, um, actually... Unfortunately, it's not that simple." Steven started.

"Not working. Why isn't it working?"

"Yeah, yeah, you see, Senfu... Senfu marked that tomb, like, 2,000 years ago. And stars drift over time. Not much as far as stars go, but it could mean the difference between us searching miles away from where we're supposed to be looking. So unless we know exactly what the sky looked like on that date, we're buggered."

You let out a sigh. It seemed every step forward meant two steps back.

"I remember that night. I remember every night." You spun around to find Khonshu standing on top of a dune.

"Khonshu?" Steven called.

"I can turn back the night sky."

"How?"

"It will come at a cost, and I cannot do it alone." Khonshu looked at you. The wind picked up, and clouds of sand stirred up. Khonshu appeared next to him. "Steven, when the gods imprison me, tell Marc to free me."

You shifted nervously. A sense of unease quickly overtook you as you stood next to Khonshu.

What kind of cost?

Steven stood, arms outstretched. He breathed deeply and summoned his suit.

"Do what I do." Khonshu raised his arms and swiped. Steven did the same.

"Yeah? Like this?" Steven asked. The sky seemed to glow for a moment. The dark dim of before being replaced with vivid blues and purples. The stars shone brighter.

And then it moved.

The sky began to move.

You let out a breath in awe as you stared into the sky.

"Whoa! Oh, man! This is mental."

It spun faster and faster until the lights streaked across the sky in blurs.

"This is the night." The spinning stopped suddenly. They held their hands still.

"This is surprisingly painful."

"It's working," Layla spoke.

“Holy shit…” You muttered.

"It's working. Yes. good." Steven groaned.

Khonshu fell to his knees and looked at you.

"I can feel my energy leaving me. Oh, God, I don't know how much longer I can do this." He dropped his hand, his mask fading. He doubled his effort, raising his hands again.

A silent moment of understanding passed between you and the moon god. You lay a trembling hand on his bandaged shoulder. You felt something like a spark run through you.

The sky stood still for a moment longer.

You were suddenly aware of how exhausted you were. Your arms felt like slabs of concrete weighing down your shoulders.

"Coordinates found, 29 degrees north, 25 east." The tablet announced.

"I got it. 29 degrees north, 25 east." Layla exclaimed.

Steven gasped and fell.

You panted and turned to Khonshu.

A pit formed in your stomach. Particles of dust began to rise from his figure.

He reached out an arm towards you.

"My star..."

Khonshu began to crumble.

"No. Nonononono!" You extended a hand to him just as he collapsed into dust. You collapsed to your knees. Fuck. There went every chance you had at actually being useful. Now that your newfound patron deity was gone you were once again useless. A burden. You cursed, rising to your feet.

You turned to see Layla attempting to help Steven stand, but he collapsed to the ground. You cast a troubled glance to where Khonshu had stood before running over to them.

"Steven!"

"Hey, Steven? Marc? Come on. Come on. Where are you? Marc? Come on."

Ao3 Wattpad Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

#steven grant x gender neutral reader #steven grant fic #steven grant x reader #marc spector #jake lockley #layla el faouly #moon knight fanfic #moon boys #marvel #khonshu x reader #moon knight x reader #moon knight fic #ao3 #fanfic #TippingTheScales #TTS

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