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#I'd say life takes you places but it was all on me
changisworld · 2 days
Text
“just try it”
fuckboy!hyunjin x reader
Word count;7,023
Summary: you’re known as quite a timid & closed off person in your college class, the one who studies 24/7 & doesn’t have much interest/ confidence in order to enjoy the usual college life, including having sex. You get partnered up for a project with the known fuckboy of the campus, hyunjin.
MDNI, 18+ only, smut warnings under the cut
©ANY translation, copy & paste, posting of my work is strictly forbidden for ANY posts/ writing i post.
main masterlist here
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SMUT WARNINGS: Virginity loss (f rec), slight coercion, kinda manipulative hyune, fingering(f rec). oral (both rec), piv, multiple orgasms, slight needy hyune, slight body worship, nipple sucking, light marking(scratching, hickey), corruption???, mention of blood( It's extremely brief) kinda angsty ending??
"Hyunjin, for the presentation you can go with... y/n!" your lecturer says after scanning the room & you freeze as she says this, making you want the ground to swallow you on the spot. You know Hyunjin & you haven't got a good opinion on him whatsoever.
You give a faint, displeased smile to your teacher before she moves onto sort out other groups for the project & a minute later, the chair beside you is moved & your new partner is now sitting next to you.
"heya, glad to be your partner, don't worry, I'll actually pull my weight sweetie so you won't be doing it on your own." he says with a faint smile, resting his head on his hand as he looks at you.
You stare at him as he says this, honestly in disbelief. You know he is just trying to piss you off as he has asked you to do an essay for him, leaving you with all his notes before running off, not allowing you to even say no. "I don't want you to help me, you'll make us fail. I'll just do it." you say, venom in your voice & hyunjin 'tuts' at this.
"Cmonnn y/n, don't be silly, i'd love to help! You can come to my place at the end of today & we can start." he says as he rips the corner of the piece of paper you were writing on & writing his address on it before sliding it to you & then standing up & resting his hands on the back of your chair as he leans down to you. "See ya later."
He leaves the classroom as the bell goes & you groan, scrunching up the paper he scribbled on & shoving it into your jacket pocket before also leaving.
⭑・゚゚・*:༅。.。༅:*゚:*:✼✿  ✿✼:*゚:༅。.。༅:*・゚゚・⭑
You spend your lunchtime in the library, starting a few rough drafts so you can get a better idea of what you want to say as you present, taking the extra couple of minutes to write Hyunjins parts too. You have your headphones on & you're quite honestly in your own little bubble but as you look u from the computer to open your drink, you notice the same annoying guy from earlier, sitting across from you, looking at his phone, not paying you any mind.
"Can I help you?" you question, staring at him with an annoyed lookon your face. "Actually, you can. Stop working without me, I want to help." he responds back, not looking up from his phone as he texts someone. You scoff & roll your eyes as you swivel around in your spinny chair, looking right at him.
"I don't feel like failing because you do jack shit. Just go n i'll do it myself, go admire yourself in the mirror or something & leave me alone." you respond again before turning back to your computer but a second later your chair is being pulled by him so you're facing him again, his phone now on the desk.
"Stop being so weird y/n, I want to pass as much as you do so stop being so stingy. Move, I wanna see what you've wrote." he flashes you a closed mouth smile before lightly pushing your chair, allowing him to now have space for him to also sit. You groan before standing up. "Just take my seat Hyunjin, I'm leaving." You push your seat towards him & begin to leave but you feel him swing his arm out & hook around your waist before pulling you.. onto his lap.
"You're so hard to please, you like this with everyone n everything hm?" he questions as he begins reading what you've written down, grabbing the keyboard & beginning to tweak a few things.
You hate to admit it & glad there are no mirrors anywhere so you don't have to allow yourself to see how much you're blushing. You can't think of anything to say so you just sigh as you watch him type, his arm still around your lower half, him paying no mind to it as he pulls his airpods out & handing you one as he uses the other as he puts a random playlist of his on, your own headphones around your shoulders.
You both stay like this, you being too shy to move & he just simply not caring, he asks for your opinion on certain parts as he types out your opinions.
A minute or so later, you both hear footsteps entering the library but you both don't pay attention, up until the footsteps stop right in front of you, the footsteps belonging to another girl in your class, Lisa. You give her a small smile, trying to be polite despite not really being friends but she ignores you as she pulls Hyunjins airpod out & he flips his head around before looking up at her.
"Ah, hiya Lisa, you alright?" he asks as he now realises the perfume you're wearing, which he likes. "Yup. Wha'cha doing? I thought we were going for lunch together at that new cafe I saw, y/n keeping you prisoner? You're more than capable to do this without Hyunjin today, right? Can you stand up n Jinnie cmon." Lisa replies, trying to sound as if she is joking around but it's obvious she's pissed.
Her words make you remember that you're still sitting on Hyunjins lap & you instantly shoot up but his arm stops you, forcing you back onto him. "Ahh Lisa totally forgot, y/n is helping me get that A so i'm gonna stay, go with Chan or something, I'm busy." he responds, turning the chair you're both sitting on so you're both now facing the computer as he begins typing again.
Lisa scoffs as she has her eyes burning into the back of your head before she slams his airpod back down on the desk & walking out, her paying no mind to the stares from annoyed students she is receiving. "Bitch almost broke my airpod into damn pieces." he murmurs as he reaches out & takes it back & puts it in his ear, not mentioning anything else, which makes you curious.
"Why is she so upset? You can go with her Hyunjin I can really do this on my own." you question, reaching forward to pull your notepad towards you, swatting his hands off the keyboard as you start copying what you've wrote on paper, onto the document. "She's pissed because me n her have been fucking n she can't handle me talking to any other pretty girl. Me n her are nothing so don't stress pretty, I'm available." he jokes as he leans back to let you type & you scoff.
"How can you be fucking her yet you claim to be nothing with her? You're playing with her feelings, it's sad." you respond, annoyance in your tone & Hyunjin just sighs. "I've got a big dick n I like to use it. You'd fuck her too if you had a dick, she's good at sucking it, believe me. She said she wouldn't catch feelings but here we are. I'm tryna pawn her off to Seungmin or Chan but she doesn't take the hint." he says, nonchalantly as his fingers fiddle with the bottom of your shirt, simply twiddling it in between his fingers.
"Why you interested anyway, It's casual sex. Don't you relate? I know you don't party or anything since i woulda seen your pretty face from anywhere but don't you ever hook up with anyone?" He questions, leaning forward as he rests his chin on your shoulder, not failing to miss how you tense up as he does so. You don't respond to him, which give him his answer.
"Ohhh, you a virgin or something? How does someone who looks like you not get around?" he teases, wiggling from side to side in the chair, making you wiggle on him as you huff. "Shut up Hyunjin, oh my god. I just.. have better things to do? I have better things to focus on." you murmur back, cheeks going red again but this time out of embarrassment. He chuckles before letting the subject go, not wanting to pry too much.
You type for a minute or so more as he helps you reword it, suggesting some ideas which actually aren't stupid. This goes on for a few minutes until you hit a stump & both can't agree on what to do. "Just come to mines later, mkay? I know you've kept the paper, Sorry to be the one to break the bad news but I've got to go see someone, so you're gonna need to get off my lap." he says, patting your leg & you shoot up, remembering where you both are & being reminded again you are siting on thee Hyunjins lap.
He packs his stuff up before ruffling his hair up & then walks past you, taking his airpod out of your ear & also your headphones off your shoulders at the same time. You turn around to protest but he speaks before you can get any words out. "I'll take these with me so you have to come later, unless you wanna buy another pair of course, see ya later pretty." he skips away, your teeth clenched & eyebrows frowned as you watch him.
⭑・゚゚・*:༅。.。༅:*゚:*:✼✿  ✿✼:*゚:༅。.。༅:*・゚゚・⭑
You reach his apartment later that night after going home to get dressed, now wearing sweatpants & a plain grey tee & you stand at the front door for a minute, trying to talk yourself into knocking on the door but also to try calm your nerves. 'why am I so fucking nervous?' you keep asking yourself. Before you can act on anything however, you feel a tap on your back & it's obviously hyunjin, staring back at you, before moving forward to unlock his door, as he does this you realise the faint smell of a sweet smelling perfume, which makes you roll your eyes.
"You coming in then?" he questions as he kicks off his own shoes, arm still holding the door open for you & you sigh before stepping in, also taking off your shoes.
You follow Hyunjin into his bedroom out of all places as he takes your bag off your back & throws it onto his bed, you take a seat on his desk chair, spinning from side to side as you sit on top of your hands. "Why can't we study in your kitchen hmm? or livingroom?" you question & he flops onto his bed before digging through your bag to grab your books. "My wifi connection is shit everywhere except for my bedroom & bathroom for some reason so unless you wanna spend even longer with me than you want, not that I'd mind, by the way, we gotta do it here." he says, not bothering to look up at you as he grabs a few highlighters & pens from your pencil case, taking the extra few seconds to have a quick dig through the rest of your bag before putting it on the floor.
You scoff as you stand up off the chair & settle down on his bed beside him after realising it will be almost impossible for you to both sit at his desk due to the size of it & the random clutter all over it.
You both begin figuring out what the hell you both need to include for your exam, Hyunjin obviously still randomly trying to flirt with you but you just ignore it. You both actually start making progress, both of you lying on your stomachs across from one another as the mixture of scrap paper, books & laptop is in between the both of you as you both balance yourselves on your elbows.
Every time you both have a quick discussion, however, you can't help but notice how much his eyes wander to the opening of your shirt, showing the top part of your chest, you try to ignore it but you can't help but get a bit flustered by it, which he realises so he doesn't have the shame to stop. "Can you stop trying to stare at my tits? You aren't even being discreet." you scoff, trying to sound stern but your voice pitch raises at the end regardless.
"Can't help it. You're hot n if it's right in front of me, you can't blame me, silly." he quickly responds, nibbling on the end of your pen. "You're such a man slut, you have another girls perfume on you yet you can't contain yourself around someone else not even two hours later, you gross me out." you snap back, reaching out to snatch the now slightly chewed pen from between his pretty lips & wiping it on him before dropping it on the bed.
"Only have the perfume smell because Lisa knew I was gonna be with you later, you jealous or something y/nnnn?" he snarks, reaching out to boop your nose, watching as the tip of your ears go bright red. "Jealous? Don't make me laugh, Hyunjin. I don't care what you n her have going on, believe me." You break eye contact with him, getting flustered from the conversation happening. "Cmonnn, y/n, if you wanna fuck, just say that." he half jokes, picking up the pen again before fiddling it in his hand.
You laugh at his words, honestly not even surprised at what he is saying. "You're so cocky, god. I'd genuinely, rather die." you spit, eyebrows frowned, which makes him hum. "So, you're telling me, If i was to kiss you, you'd actually push me off you?" he queries, pushing the paper & books to the side, nothing separating the two of you anymore.
You open your mouth to mostly yell at him for even saying something so dumb but you don't get any words out as he puts his hand behind your head & leans forward before connecting his lips against yours. You freeze under the touch, not even really knowing what to do since you've never actually kissed anyone either, but you can't help but take notice of how soft his lips are & how they move in a perfect rhythm.
He breaks his lips off yours a few seconds later, but doesn't leave your space, your lips centimetres apart. He again realises how much he is blushing & you hate how composed he looks. "Y/n." he says, in a lower voice. "mhmm?" you instantly reply, your heart racing. "Was that your first kiss?" he questions, the hand behind your head now playing with your hair.
You embarrassingly nod your head & he just smiles. "Well, since we are here, we can redo it, if you want. No pressure." he responds, his voice now sounding more soft. You mentally contemplate for a split second before nodding. "just follow my lead alright, it's easy." he says before leaning back in & kissing you again.
You move your lips against his, remembering to relax your lips so it feels easier & better for Hyunjin. You subconsciously lift your hand to rest it against his cheek but as you do this, he leans further forward & pushes into you with his bodyweight, making it so you are now laying on your back & you can't help but feel your underwear dampen, which gives you even more butterflies.
He moves the hand that was resting on the back of your head & rests it on your cheek instead, caressing it with his thumb as his other hand now rests on your lower stomach before his fingers begin playing with the hem of your shirt & you move your own hand & rest it on top of his that is playing with your shirt.
He keeps the pace of the kiss slow, keeping it enjoyable for the both of you but he can almost hear your heartbeat going at a million miles per hour as he teases you by biting your bottom lip, which makes you let out a small whimper which instantly sends blood to his cock.
You somehow forget to breathe & as he breaks the kiss for the second time, you're breathing a lot heavier as your cheeks are on fire due to how much you're blushing.
"There's no way that was your first kiss, you're so good at it." he remarks, biting his own bottom lip, which you can't help but find extremely hot. His fingers now dig themselves under your shirt, his finger now lightly scratching & caressing the skin of your stomach, making your back arch slightly.
"It was my first time.. I swear." you say back, your voice sounding more blown out & airy than you wanted. "Well, if you want, we can go further. I've already been your first in one thing & I'd be able to actually show you how to feel good.. for your future partners, of course." he says, his voice sounding low again, his fingers not stopping their actions as he still caresses your skin.
"I- that's a huge thing Hyunjin, I want my first time to be with someone who I really care about." you basically whisper back, your nerves making you want to almost vomit, he pouts at your response. "heyyy, I can show you absolutely everything you'll ever need, I'd look after you so well, make you feel amazing, if you'll let me. I know you care for me even a little bit since you've been blushing every time we have spoken today. Not to mention, I've never had a bad review." he responds, elongating the last word to try get his point across.
As he says this, he leans further down & rubs his nose against yours while giving a faint smile, before leaning down & nuzzling his face into your neck , inhaling your sweet vanilla perfume before nibbling on your neck. "I promise. pleaseee.?" he whispers in your ear, his fingers now crawling further up your frame, resting just beneath your tits, which makes your breath hitch. You think for a second, your hand reaching up to caress his long soft hair as you nod your head before mumbling an 'okay' & you can feel him smile against your neck.
He sets himself back up on his elbows, giving you a warm look before leaning back, kissing you again as his fingers now reach up & cup your right tit, to his surprise you're not wearing a bra, which makes him hum. "No bra? Did you expect this, y/n?" he asks, smirk not leaving his face as he starts to brush his fingers over your nipple, making you squirm beneath him. "They're just uncomfortable." you reply, making him chuckle before kissing you again.
He wraps two fingers around your nipple before twiddling it between them, tugging it lightly every once in a while, liking the reactions you give him as he does so, letting small noises escape your lips & get swallowed by him.
This continues for a minute or so before he moves his lips from yours & moves to your jawline, slowly littering kisses down it before moving down to your neck as he removes his hand from your tit to lift your shirt up but you stop him as you sit up & take your shirt completely off, surprising yourself with the random outburst of confidence.
His eyes light up at the sight, your tits being some of, if not the best pair he has ever saw. He smirks at your face, you giving him a faint smile, your eyes filled with lust as you are convinced your panties are now soaked more than they already are. "so pretty, can I taste them?" he asks as he lays down & pulls you so you're now straddling him, your ass now being able to feel his thick hard on.
You nod & he wastes no time at all before pushing on your back, your tits now right above his face before he looks up at you, smiling before he latches his pretty plump lips on your nipple as his fingers begin playing with the other one again & you can't control the yelp you let out at the feeling. You throw your head back as your fingers weave their way through his hair as you lightly tug on it, making him release a few low groans as he continues suckling, spit leaving his lips & wetting your boobs.
You can't help but begin grinding against him, the sucking noises & your light whimpers filling the room. He switches to the opposite nipple & at the same time, his hand comes to rest on your ass, caressing it & squeezing the flesh, making you arch your back, wanting more.
"Hyune- more, please." you say, swallowing your pride & asking the man beneath you to give you what you now want. He unlatches himself & you look down at him, his lips & chin shiny with his own spit as he helps you grind against him. "Well what is it you want y/n hmm? You're gonna need to tell me if you want anything since I don't know what you can handle, silly." he replies, smirking at you as he wriggles his fingers into the waistband of your sweatpants as he now grinds into you too.
"I- fingers or something, please?" you whine, leaning forward to hide your face in the side of his neck, hiding the embarrassment on your face. Despite you not being able to see it, he is smirking as he helps move you so you are laying on your back again & your legs automatically part, your feet planted on the bed as he settles between them, sitting on his legs as he takes his hoodie off, revealing his gorgeous body which you can't take your eyes off of.
"Just giving you a bigger view with a view." he remarks which makes you snap out of it, chuckling to himself as he leans forward to kiss your forehead, making your heart flutter.
He sits back again before putting his hands on your knees, caressing them with his thumbs as he is between your legs. "Can I take these off? They're cute n all but I'm sure your bare legs look a whole lot better." he says as he is looking into your blown out pupils without his own, now fiddling with the drawstrings of your joggers.
"Please." you reply & he doesn't waste any time before helping take them off, you raise your hips for him to make it easier, now leaving you in just your basic, white cotton underwear which makes you hide your face in your arms, shy, but he is quick to swat them away.
"Don't hide your pretty face, there's nothing to be embarrassed of. You're so innocent, my y/nnie." you don't fail to miss the 'my' part & you clench around nothing, letting out a small huff as he lays himself down on your stomach. You set yourself up on your elbows as you look down at him, a bit confused as he admires your clothed core, a small wet patch seeping through the cotton.
He takes a finger & touches your wet patch before taking it to his lips & tasting it, letting out a hum noise as he smiles, not even looking at you as he then peels your panties off your skin too, now leaving you completely bare for him, making you squirm.
He plants some kisses on the inside of your thighs as his finger trails up & down your slit, spreading your wetness around your entire core, making you raise your hips off the bed due to the unfamiliar stimulation but he is quick to push you back down.
"I'm gonna give myself a better taste, alright? Keep your hips down or I'll stop. If you seriously want me to stop or slow down, just say the word yellow, okay?" he asks, fingers stopping their movement. "O-okay, can you just go slow? I don't really know what to expect." you reply, giving him a small, nervous smile, which he nods. "Of course, I was planning on it anyway beautiful, Just lay back f'me." You do as he says & lay back & gasp a second later as you feel the kisses have now moved from just your thighs, a kiss now being placed right on your clit.
He kisses from the top to the bottom of your pussy, listening for your reaction & once he realises it's a good reaction, he begins kitten licking your clit, his index finger still feeling around the outside of your hole, adding extra stimulation. He lets out a low groan & licks the entirety of your core in one motion, making you whine & you try to close your legs on accident but he's quicker & wraps your thighs around his arms, holding them open. "Taste so good, fuck." he murmurs to himself more than to you as he begins speeding up his motions slightly, flicking his tongue back & forth before taking your clit into his mouth, suckling on it, making sure to use plenty of spit, the noises of his lips & the wetness echoing throughout the room, almost as loud as the moans you're now making.
You try your best to not squirm too much but you can't help it & you are moving as much as Hyunjin is allowing you to which isnt much by the way, the sensation being completely new to you in the best way possible. You let out an even louder whine as he uses his teeth to lightly graze against your bud, throwing you towards a high, feeling much stronger than when you brought yourself to orgasms.
Hyunjin takes this opportunity to now slide a finger inside your tight hole which you clench around immediately, making him groan again. He begins to slowly finger you while feeling around for your G-spot which only takes him a few seconds due to his long fingers & he begins rubbing his finger up & down it, making your eyes roll to the back of your head as your legs begin to tremble.
"Hyunj- I'm gonna cum, d-dont't stop." you yelp, fisting his clean, grey bedsheets until your knuckles are turning white & who is Hyunjin to deny you? He continues at the exact same pace with his finger but decides to add a second one, stretching you out that bit extra as he continues to suck on your clit, using his tongue to massage it at the same time.
Your orgasm washes over you, it being the most intense thing you've ever felt. Your fingers latch onto his hair & pull on it, pulling a groan out of him as he lets you ride out the first orgasm of the night, his arms having to work harder to actually keep your legs open.
He unlatches himself & slowly pulls his fingers out of you when you've came down from your high, panting heavily as a thin sheen of sweat now coats your face. He sits back up on his legs, caressing the inside of your legs for a moment before crawling up your frame & tapping his now coated fingers on your lips & you understand instantly, opening your lips & he pushes his fingers into your mouth, resting on your tongue as you suck your own juices off them, his eyes not leaving yours for even a second.
He releases his fingers from behind your lips before leaning in & kissing you again, this time worming his tongue past your lips, allowing you to taste yourself even more, making you hum, not expecting to be so turned on by this.
You slither your hand down his pretty chest & even prettier abs before fiddling with the hem of his pants, looking up at him with glossy eyes. "Just gave you heaven n you're wanting more? Aren't you full of surprises." he teases, poking his tongue on the inside of his cheek. "I want to, return the favour, well, try to." you reply, fingers moving down to balm the huge tent in his pants, making him jerk his hips forward on instinct.
"Ahhh, you want to suck my cock, jagi? Aren't you too sweet. I'll guide you. Don't be intimidated though." He says before standing up to kick his pants off & taking his underwear off with it too & you now know what he meant by 'don't be intimidated' because he is huge. He is around 7 inches & it slightly curves upward & his balls pretty & full, making your eyes gape open in amazement but also nerves, he laughs at your reaction.
He sits back down on the bed & you take it upon yourself to move & settle down on the floor in front of him, sitting back on your knees as he opens his leg enough so you can settle between them.
"Just take it at the base with a grip that isn't too strong & jerk up & down at a slower pace & then work your way up, you can kinda twist your wrist in a way too. The tip is the most sensitive so make sure to focus on that mkay? Just do what feels right, I like a tiny bit of pain so don't stress if you graze it." he tells you, his hair sticking to his forehead as he looks down at you.
You nod at his words & begin jerking him off the way he instructed & you're clearly doing a good job as he jerks his hips into your hands, biting his bottom lip as you do so. "Make it wet, it feels better." he groans & you let a glob of spit fly past your lips onto his angry red tip, which makes him wince before you lean further forward & lick the bead of precum off his tip, making him groan.
You look up at his reaction as you begin to suckle on the tip of his cock before moving sown to the shaft & littering kisses & quick suckles on it, before repeating the action. Your hand is now wet with the spit you've dropped onto & jerked all over his cock & you you decide to wing it & you put his entire tip in your mouth, swirling your tongue over it & he throws his head back, trying his best to not jerk into your mouth as you work your way down slowly, taking about a quarter of his cock in your mouth as you keep jerking him off.
"You sure this is y-your first time? too good at th-this." he groans out as he gathers your hair out of your face & pulls it into a makeshift ponytail, groaning at the pleasure you're giving him. You try to take further in your mouth but he's quick to pull your head back up so you're not pushing yourself too much, him deeming it as too much to try deepthroat him on your first time.
Spit keeps escaping your lips & you jerk it into his cock, the sloppy noises turning you on impossibly more. You release his cock from your lips to get your breath back & you blow cold air onto his tip which makes his legs tense up as he lurches forward slightly. "You're made for this y/n, i'm convinced. Lay down on the bed for me pretty." he says in a aired out, raspier voice as he helps you stand up anyway & he lays you on your back.
He quickly walks over to the other side o the bed & opens his drawer before pulling out a condom, ripping it open with his teeth before walking back over to you, your legs already spread open enough for him to slot himself between. He puts the condom on & jerks himself off a few times & then drags his cock over your folds a few times, making you buck your hips.
"I've stretched you with my fingers but it's still gonna be a stretch y/n, please tell me to stop if it's too much, you're a smart girl so i'm sure you know it's gonna hurt. You ready?" he questions, his face more serious looking than before as he looks into your eyes, still dragging his cock, it running over your clit. "I know, Just do it, I'll be fine." you respond, your hands resting on your chest.
He gives you a warm smile before he slowly begins to push inside of you & your breath hitches in your chest, trying to not pay much mind to the pain but a few tears leak past your eyes. Hyunjin pauses his movement when he is half inside you, leaning forward to allow you to hold onto him. He plants a few kisses on your jawline before connecting his lips to yours, kissing you slowly as he pushes the rest of the way in, making you yelp into his mouth, his fingers coming up to wipe away your tears despite him not even being able to see them.
Your hands latch around his back as you keep clenching around him, making him groan into your mouth. Once he can sense you're more relaxed due to not clenching as tight as much anymore, he pushes the rest of the way in before pausing again.
"How are you feeling, beautiful? You alright?" he asks you as he moves the hair out of your face then kissing the tip of your nose. "H-i'm fine, just feels weird." you reply, one of your hands coming down to hold onto his muscly arm, relaxing yourself.
"Okay, I'm glad. I'm gonna move now, alright? The pain will pass, pinky swear." he gives you another peck before he sits back up & holds onto the inside of your legs, keeping you open for him as he slowly retracts himself then pumping himself back in, making you let out a small 'mhmmph' sound. He sets an extremely slow pace, not breaking eye contact with you to make sure you're not going through any extra discomfort.
You begin to let out small moans & whimpers after a few minutes, the pleasure now surpassing the pain. Hyunjin scrunches his eyes together as you clench around him, higher pitched moans leaving his lips. "You c-can go faster. Feels good." you tell him, trying to move your hips to get more. "Thought- you'd never ask. Yo're s-so tight y/n, fuck." he groans as he slowly begins to pick up his speed, the lube provided by the condom plus your wetness making it loud, your skin sticking together as he fully thrusts inside you.
"y-you're so beautiful. So good f'me y/nnie. so pe-perfect."" he whines as he sets a quicker rhythm, throwing his head back, trying to not cum on the spot just from the noises leaving your lips.
He brings a hand down to your clit & begins rubbing circles, matching the pace his cock is doing & your back arches off the bed & you shriek from the overstimulation. "G-gonna cum again, t-too much jinnie." you gasp, eyes rolling to the back of your head as your hand reaches down to try swat his hand away from your clit but he is quick to hold your hand down on your lower stomach, now making you feel his cock moving inside you. "you can take it pretty, Just a little more, o-okay? cum with me." he groans out, not slowing down his pace at all. Your legs keep shaking & your back keeps arching off the bed, unable to even form thoughts, the only words able to leave your mouth being his name.
"c-cuh-cumming hyune." you force out & hyunjin can't help but smirk. He lets go of your hand & leans back down so your chests are connected before nestling himself in your neck before he begins sucking a hickey into your skin, only partially on accident, but you pay no mind.
You begin clenching uncontrollably as you can feel your orgasm bubbling up, your whole body beginning to tingle as his cock is ramming into your G-spot without missing a beat. "Y/nnie p-please don't clench so much, g-gonna cum." You can't stop even if you wanted to though however as your orgasm squirts out of you, spraying directly onto Hyunjins abs, pubic bone, the base of his cock, the bed & a few droplets hitting your lower stomach too, your eyes rolling back into your skull as your fully body shakes, shrieking & gasping uncontrollably.
"Holy shit, y-you're too perfect, squirting on my cock, y/n you'-you're too beautiful, you're n-not real, oh my god." he whines into your neck.Hyunjin basically squeals, his moans are that loud as he bites down on your neck as his own release fills the condom, you being able to feel his cock pulsating inside you.
You both sit in silence for a minute, catching your breaths back, feeling each others chests expanding against the other, his hot breath against your neck as you weave your fingers through his now wet hair.
Once you have both actually came down to earth, he peels himself off of you before peeling the now used condom off his now softening cock & you realise it has a red tint to it despite him trying to hide it from you by throwing it in the bin quickly.
"Did i bleed on your dick Hyunjin? That's so gross I'm so sorry, you could have stopped I wouldn't have cared." you rush out, feeling a deep level of embarrassment but he just tuts in response. "Don't be ridiculous babe, It's normal, doesn't bother me." he replies as he walks over to his drawers, pulling out a pair of boxer shorts & a random tee shirt before handing it to you.
"You can just stay here tonight, I don't really want you tryna get home since it's not stupid to think you're gonna struggle to walk too much, we can go shower soon." He says as he climbs back up his bed, You would protest but you know he is no doubt right. He sits up by his pillows before pulling you into his chest as he kisses the top of your head.
You both stay like this for a while before you both remember your orgasm is still marinating into his bedsheets, he changes them right after he helps you into the shower before joining you.
⭑・゚゚・*:༅。.。༅:*゚:*:✼✿  ✿✼:*゚:༅。.。༅:*・゚゚・⭑
It's been a week since Hyunjin took your virginity & you have tried your best to tell yourself it meant nothing to him, because it most likely didn't but you have since caught feelings for him, despite trying absolutely everything not to.
You both still met every day but it was mostly just on campus & you completed your project & obviously got an A but he actually helped so it wasn't just all you, which you deeply appreciate.
Ever since the project was finished, however, he has kept his distance. He doesn't sit anywhere near you & spends his time in lectures teasing the other random girls who fawn over him, which makes your heart burn.
You are just day dreaming when two girls in front of you talking catches your attention, & that's when you find out Hyunjin hooked up with one of them, the day after he was literally your first for everything.
You feel tears begin threatening to leave your eyes so you gather your stuff & leave the room, your lecturer not paying any mind & you begin walking towards the bathroom to try freshen yourself up when Hyunjin walks from the opposite direction & he notices the tears & he stops you by moving your chin so you're looking up at him.
"Why the tears, sweetcheeks? Pretty girls shouldn't cry." he remarks, chewing gum as he looks at you, wiping a tear off your cheek with his thumb. "Doesn't matter Hyunjin, stop bunking & go back to class." you say in a monotone voice. "woahhh, you're calling me Hyunjin again? I liked the name Jinnie a lot more, why've I been demoted hmm?" he teases back & you want nothing more than to punch the gum out his mouth.
"You tell me, do you tell all the other girl you fuck to call you Jinnie too? Like the one you fucked the day after you took my virginity?" you snap back, your voice shaking. He raises his eyebrows, honestly in shock from your words. "Babe, you know what I'm like, we aren't anything that I'm aware of so I'm a free man. If you want anything else, you gotta tell me." he replies, his voice sounding more soft as you actually begin to cry, which he hugs you as you do.
"I just thought you just wanted your cherry popped, y/nnie, I'm sorry for thinking so, mkay? We can get lunch together or something n cheer you up, we can speak about it." he offers & you just nod , leaving his arms as you wipe your tears away.
He gives you a smile before he wraps his arm around your shoulder, walking back the way he had just came from. "You can choose the place, but not too expensive since I'll pay as an apology present."
⭑・゚゚・*:༅。.。༅:*゚:*:✼✿  ✿✼:*゚:༅。.。༅:*・゚゚・⭑
**second part coming soon..?**🙈
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mentally-a-slut · 1 day
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Can I request "The problem is, if I kissed you, I don't think I'd be able to stop." For Gale with female reader please?
Ahhhhh tysm for requesting! You are my first request! Since you didn't give any specifics about the time frame, I just assumed you wanted it to take place within the events of the game, but it didn't really matter anyway. The reader is left undescribed, though it is implied that she is shorter than Gale. I hope I did your request justice, and let me know what you think!
Prompt: "The problem is, if I kissed you, I don't think I'd be able to stop."
Rating: E
Warnings: I got carried away and made "spicy" into straight up smut... oops? oral (f!receiving), porn with very little plot, smut
Flirting with Gale was a dangerous game. The back and forth we had going on had been constant, never pausing. I loved bantering with him, but the consistent pull back was beginning to kill me.
Harmless flirts with friends are fun, but I had made it abundantly clear to the wizard that it was more than just friendly banter. And as far as I'm concerned, he's been returning that same energy. And yet, every time we get past the line of flirtatious remarks and balance on the edge of action, he would completely pull away. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was afraid of intimacy.
At first I thought he just didn't like me that way, only wanted to banter with nothing coming of it. But something in the way his eyes glittered when he looked at me told me my attraction was not one sided.
When I went to the others for advice, they gave me jack shit. Astarion thought it was hilarious that I was asking him for romantic advice. I had to threaten to cut off his blood supply just to get him to quite yelling about it. Karlach just told me to "fuck it out," whatever that means. Shadowheart just kind of stared at me blankly. I didn't even bother asking Lae'zel, because I value my life. Wyll had good intentions, but he ended up rambling on about proper courtship methods and respectfully, I couldn't care less.
I had exhausted all of my options, which left me with the one thing I had been avoiding: talk to Gale about it.
It was a cool night, a nice change from the overwhelming heat that had layered over our group the last few nights. The day had been uneventful for once, little more than a few ambushes along the roads and some cackling hyenas. The mood around camp was significantly light than usual, everyone content with the lack of carnage.
I didn't give myself much time to rethink my actions, deciding to force myself into the conversation before I could chicken out.
Gale sat in his tent, reading a book with the doors pinned open for anyone to enter. He always stayed awake later than the others, often waiting until everyone else had closed their tents for the night to follow suit. He thought nobody noticed, but it was one of the many things that made me gravitate towards him. He was so naturally protective, unknowingly watching out for everyone.
As always, I took a moment to admire him before he noticed my presence. He looked so calm, contently scanning the pages of the tome in his hands. His everlasting yearning for knowledge was something I couldn't help but admire. I watched as his fingers curled under the parchment of the book and gently flipped the page, hands calloused from years of magical studies.
Gods, his hands that were so veiny and strong, rough but gentle, perfect to glide across my skin and make me shiver with-
"To what do I owe the pleasure?"
I jumped at the sound of his voice, my thoughts that had previously consumed me dissipating. My face felt hot, blushing as if he was able to read my runaway thoughts. "Hi!"
I internally scolded myself for how not-smooth I was being. He carefully marked his place in the book before setting it aside, still seated in his chair as he looked up at me expectantly. His lips twitched into an amused smirk. Handsome bastard knows exactly what he does to me.
"Did you need something from me?"
I tilted my head at his question, blinking as my thoughts grew a mind of their own. I need you to kiss me until I can't breath. Touch me all over and make me shake with pleasure. I shook my head, gathering my thoughts before saying: "Just... wanted to talk to you about something."
He raised an eyebrow, an action that would have had me down on my knees if I had even just a tad bit less dignity. "Is it... a good something, or a bad something?"
My heart started racing in my chest, blood rushing in my ears. "Uhm... well, I suppose it depends. I think it's a good something, but, well, I can't speak for you..."
He stood from his seat, his movements quick but not aggressive. He always took care to control his actions, never making them seem offensive or startling. My eyes widened slightly when he reached behind me to unpin the tent flaps and let them fall closed, his frame slightly hovering over me for a moment as he did so.
His expression was open, concern and care written all over his face. "You can always talk to me. I'm here to listen."
Good gods I want to suck his dick until his brain explodes.
I cleared my throat and shifted nervously, looking up at him. "Right! So, I just... well, I was talking to the others about- actually that's not a good place to start, uhm..."
His amused smirk didn't go unnoticed. He had always liked when I got nervous, especially if he was the reason. "Take your time, darling."
Fucking Hells, he is trying to kill me.
I fought the urge to avert my gaze, forcing myself to keep eye contact. "Uhm, so, you know how we... well, obviously you know, but I mean- Fuck's sake, I mean to say, you know how we, like, flirt?"
His expression didn't falter, smirk growing into a knowing grin. He hummed an acknowledgement that sent vibration through my body, making my heart race even faster. His gaze flickered over my face, then quickly swept down my body, almost fast enough to miss.
"Well, I- Not that I don't like it, I love it! I- I mean, I don't want it to stop I just- Gods damnit, I just wanted to ask- shit... Why don't you just fucking kiss me already?!"
The silence that followed my stuttering words was overwhelming, blanketing over me and making me want to melt away into the earth to never be seen again. My embarrassment only worsened when I heard the slightest chuckle from the man in front of me. My heart dropped as every worst case scenario ran through my head.
He's going to laugh at me, tell me it was just for fun, that he would never want to be with me, he's going to make fun of me to everyone else-
"The problem is, if I kissed you, I don't think I would be able to stop."
I was suddenly aware of how hot it was in the close quarters of the canvas tent, and how Gale was only a few inches in front of me. I brought my eyes up to meet his, blinking rapidly as I tried to process what he just said. His stare held mine, a underlying air of vulnerability in his confession. With a shaky breath, I managed to utter out my response.
"Who said you had to stop?"
His lips crashed against mine within seconds of my hushed words, heated kiss melding our lips together. His hands, his gorgeous hands that I had spent weeks fantasizing about, were gripping my waist and pulling my body flush against his. My mouth moved in sync with his so naturally, so smoothly, that we could have been made for each other.
When I realized my hands were idle, I quickly remedied it and wrapped my arms around his neck. I didn't even notice I was tangling my fingers in his hair until I tugged lightly and was rewarded with a soft groan against my lips. The noise spurred me on, and I nipped at his lip lightly. Soon, our tongues were wildly clashing together, breathing heavy as involuntary sounds of pleasure were exchanged within the kiss.
I yelped when he suddenly lifted me off the ground, hands firmly gripping my ass as he held me. I held onto him, giggling into the kiss as he pressed against me. The stiffness of his arousal against my thigh was enough to make me shiver with anticipation, and he noticed.
He pulled away from my lips reluctantly, settling his forehead against mine. "As much as I want to do this," he glanced down at our positioning, my core level with his growing erection, "I want our first time to be something special."
I tried not to show my disappointment, silently nodding as I prepared myself to drop back onto the floor. As I loosened my thighs from his waist, I squeaked in surprise when his hands roughly squeezed my ass. "Ah ah, I didn't say I was doing to leave you wanting, did I?"
My cheeks reddened as I realized what he was implying. "Oh, Gale, you don't have to-"
"I want to. Trust me, I really, really want to."
His words were drawn out, almost a moan as he pleaded. His darkened eyes were practically begging. "I... If you're sure-"
He cut me off with a searing kiss, turning us around and laying me down on his bedroll. My whole body tingled with excitement as his body hovered over mine, lips desperately kissing down my neck. With the way he was panting as he nipped and kissed down my body, I could almost say he was more excited then me.
His stare was piercing as he looked up from my waist, silently asking for permission. I couldn't help but smile as his fingers grazed the waistband of my pants, impatiently fidgeting with the fabric. "Yes, please, Gale."
He all but tore them off, taking both my pants and underwear off in one go. His hot breath tickled my arousal, and I sighed as his hands lightly caressed the insides of my thighs. His touches were gentle, slow movements spreading open my legs and bearing my glistening entrance to him. I tilted my head up to look down at him, only to find his gaze transfixed between my legs. He practically whimpered his next words: "So fucking pretty for me."
I couldn't help but moan at his words, the heat of his breath ghosting over my clit. His eyes broke away for a moment to look at me, and he gave me a smile that made my heart swell before he dove in.
His beard rubbed against my thighs as his lips and tongue explored my cunt, the burn of his jaw emphasizing the blinding pleasure of his mouth. He moaned against me as he licked a long stripe along my folds, the teasing sensation sending a jolt of want through me. Before I could beg for more, his lips wrapped around my clit, sucking gently as he teased a finger at my entrance.
All coherent thought was left behind, all I could think about was Gale, Gale eating my pussy, moaning into me, rutting into the air as he pleasured me. "Fuck, Gale, please!"
He hummed against me, the vibration adding to the pleasure. He slipped a finger into my dripping hole, pulling his mouth away from my clit to look up at me. "Look at you, darling, so wet and ready for me."
I moaned as he pumped his finger, keeping eye contact with him. When he teased a second one, I couldn't stop my head from falling back with a moan. "Please!"
With a soft groan, he did as I asked. "As you wish."
The stretch of his second finger burned deliciously, his pace torturously slow. My walls pulsed around him, the softest parts of me jolting as he brushed against them. His thumb brushed against my clit as he quickened his pace. I reached out a shaky hand, tangling my fingers in his soft hair and tugging him forward.
He moaned at the tug, immediately replacing his thumb with his mouth. My back arched off the bedroll as he sucked harshly, his fingers brushing against all the right spots. He teased another finger, and my grip in his hair harshened. It must have encouraged him, because he soon plunged a third finger inside of me and relentlessly flicked his tongue over my clit as he finger fucked me.
My thighs began to constrict around him, orgasm fast approaching. He groaned against my cunt, gripping my thighs open and speeding up. "Fuck, I'm close!"
Another hum against me had my walls pulsating, orgasm crashing through me as he coaxed me down with his tongue sending overwhelming jolts of pleasure through me.
He gently removed his fingers, caressing my thigh as he swept his tongue through my folds, gathering my arousal. His gentle movements soothed me through the slight overstimulation as he cleaned me up with his tongue. My vision was unfocused, aftershocks still rolling through my body as he finally pulled away, slowly kissing up my body before planting a sweet kiss on my lips. I chased his kiss as he pulled back, and he chuckled as I pouted. "You did so well for me, love."
I whined at his words, desperately clawing him towards me and pulling him into a slow, sensual kiss. His clothed erection prodded my bare thigh, and he groaned when I shifted against it. "Don't tease me, darling."
I smiled up at him, tilting my head. "Is that a threat?"
He gave an amused hum against the skin of my neck, speaking between soft kisses. His words were teasing, yet heavy with intention.
"It's a promise."
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AITA for not giving my girlfriend enough attention?
This will be long, there's a lot to put and I don't want to miss anything, sorry if anythiny isn't important, just trying not to miss anything. I want to start this off by saying it's been many years since this happened, I'm past this whole thing, but curious as to what others think because I've gotten mixed answers. After reading the reactions to the jar of pickles story, I have a feeling I'm going to get a lot of ESH and I understand lol.
I (15f at the time) was in my first relationship with a girl I'll call Elle (16f at the time). Now I had a really bad childhood, this is important to the story because I spent most of my life in foster homes and it definitely affected our relationship. This all happened right after I moved to a new state (so long distance relationship). Elle and I never really had any big issues in our relationship before this (besides the one time I was "kidnapped" and I'll get into that later). We ended up staying together for 2 years. We talked daily and very often, before school and after school, sometimes during school. All this to say we had a very good relationship (Extra: I was 13 to 15 during this relationship, she was 14 to 16 during it)
With all that out of the way, here's the story. I had met Elle right after I was moved back in with my biological mother, my mother was not in a good place at all, she moved us to a new state to start over, I met Elle because of this move. We stayed for a while before my mother got back into bad habits and moved us to another state. My communication with Elle dropped around 2 months after this move. My mother fell back into bad habits again and it caught up to her. I was removed from her care and placed in another foster home, they took my phone and I didn't have a way to contact Elle for those 2 months. Elle knew about this, I warned her when my mother ran away and when the cops showed up that I wasn't sure what was happening but I might not be in contact.
After those two months, I got a phone from my foster family and was able to talk to Elle again. We went back to talking daily for another year before the communication dipped a bit. I once again had warned her that this might happen as I was moved to another home with stricter rules. I fought to get back in contact with her again, it only took a month this time. A few months later, I was going through the process of being adopted, if you've ever been adopted, you know how much there is to do and how stressful it is. I could've pushed through and just talked to her daily but I was 15 and I was stressed and needed time, so I told her I'd be offline for a bit again. I had lost my sister, mother, and home less than a year before this and I was not ready to be adopted. (You don't have to agree with my choice, I don't know if it was the right or wrong one but it was what I picked to do)
I was offline for a month, when I came back we talked like normal. Everything was fine for a week, then she told me she felt like I was neglecting her. I would take months offline and refused to give her attention and she couldn't vent about it to anyone because she wasn't ready to tell her family about us and our friends all thought she wasn't being understanding enough. I tried to explain that I was in a bad spot and anytime I wasn't giving her attention was not my fault (I shouldn't have phrased it like that when talking to her but again I was 15). Most of them had been due to me having no way to contact her, once was me needing time to myself because of everything going on in my life, and once was because I had been "kidnapped" by a family member and wasn't allowed to be online (which she was upset with me for because she couldn't understand how family can kidnap you or how I couldn't just take their phone and contact her). I don't blame her for not wanting to be in a relationship like this, it was only her second relationship and it definitely wasn't the type of relationship any 16 year old wants. However, she blamed me for not giving her attention when she needed it and blamed me for not finding other ways to contact her. She then dumped me for being a bad girlfriend. I did later vent to many of our friends about her blaming me for what I couldn't control. So, Tumblr, aita for not giving my girlfriend enough attention?
(Please don't bash either of us too much in the comments, we were dumb kids in our first and second relationship and I'm sure we've both grown up a lot since this. I don't blame her for being upset, I wish things had gone differently. I've aged out of the system now, I'm an adult and in a healthy 4 year long relationship.)
TL;DR I wasn't able to give my (15f at the time) girlfriend (16f at the time) enough attention because I was moving states and homes due to foster care and had a month to two months every now and then that I couldn't contact her, she felt neglected in the relationship and broke up with me. Aita?
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Hot take, but I think Gortash has immense self hatred and actively choses to be miserable.
It would be easy just to go back home. His parents love him now. He has the money to fix everything. He controls them. There's no way they can harm him anymore. And yet he doesn't. He stays away, in his fortress, in his Iron Throne. In scarcely decorated places that lack most comfort.
It would be easy to use his money to look spotless, splendid, to blend in with society and be just like the others, just how his parents always wanted him to be. But he doesn't. Instead, he continues to be eccentric. And worst of all, he wears all the symbolism of the hell he's just escaped. The tormentor of his childhood is everywhere.
It would've been easy to discard everything and run away with Durge. He got them to defy their father to a frightening degree. If he had tried, he could've convinced them. It would've saved himself, Durge, both of them if he did. And yet he pushed forward, even knowing what he did and what end would eventually wait for him.
Gortash apparently knew the brain was changing. But he decided to do and say nothing about it. I love me some unhinged Orin but I'd argue she'd be reasonable enough to postpone her bloodkin lobotomy plans if she caught wind of an elder brain changing into a netherbrain thanks to said bloodkin doing funny stuff. They could've prevented this whole story if my guy had simply said something. But he decided to just, not?
He's deeply contradictory. He's a genius, but his mistakes and faults in his plans are evident to even the greatest fools. He's determined to be loved, to be a hero, and yet when he's offered love, or heroism he turns away from it.
Also did I mention that he's the one person who can legitimately turn on his patron but refuses to? Ketheric can't because otherwise Isobel is forsaken. Durge and Orin can't because Bhaal can just barge in and control them like the puppets they are, but Bane? He doesn't have a hold like this over Gortash. Gortash doesn't even seem to fear him as much as he'd like. And yet that man refuses to turn his back on a deity who will torture his soul for fuck all reasons without really receiving smth in return. He just keeps going knowing he can't win.
Oh and the whole 'putting Bhaals handcrafted scion on a leash' bit? Normal people would stay a safe distance away from people that can and will gut them for minor reasons, but he decided to understand that as a challenge?
I'd argue he's just an arrogant maniac, but the utter disregard of his safety kinda goes against that. Being a tyrant is cool but you can only properly tyrant if you're alive, and Gorty over here is making 0 efforts to improve his life or keep it for that matter.
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cygnus-rex · 23 hours
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We all overanalyze know about Joel’s neck kisses playlists, and he knows we know.
What if Etho had a neck kisses playlist?
For funsies, I made one. I based it off music he said he likes and stuff he’s listened to in the past: Halestorm, The Pretty Reckless, Halocene, Paramore, AViVA, Monstercat.
I also included lyric samples below--enjoy!
“I Get Off” - Halestorm
There's so much left unspoken Between the two of us It's so much more exciting To look when you can't touch You could say I'm different Maybe I'm a freak But I know how to twist you To bring you to your knees I get off on you Getting off on me Give you what you want But nothing is for free It's a give and take Kind of love we make When the line is crossed I get off
"I Want You (She’s So Heavy)" - Halestorm
I want you I want you so bad, babe I want you I want you so bad It's driving me mad It's driving me mad
“Into You” - Halocene
I'm so into you I can barely breathe And all I wanna do Is to fall in deep But close ain't close enough 'Til we cross the line, hey-yeah So name a game to play And I'll role the dice, hey Oh baby, look what you started The temperature's rising in here Is this gonna happen? Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move Before I make a move
“Reckless” - Halocene
You make me so damn reckless You made my life a hurricane You make me so damn reckless I’ve lost all sense of reality And I don’t wanna fight it I invite your insanity
“Fetish” - Halocene
I can’t deny Your appetite You got a fetish for my love I push you out and you come right back Don’t see a point in blaming (you) If I were you I’d do me (too)
“Focus” - Halocene
Focus on me (focus) Focus on me (focus on me) I can tell you're curious It's written on your lips Ain't no need to hold it back Go head and talk your shit I know you're hoping that I'll react I know you're hoping I'm looking back But if my real ain't real enough Then I don't know what is Let's find a light inside our universe now Where ain't nobody keep on holding us down Just come and get it let them say what they say 'Cause I'm about to put them all away
“Break In” - Halocene
Yeah, it's perfectly reckless Damn, you leave me defenseless So break in And take everything I have Till there is nothing left Till it's just your voice in my head And when the lights come on You see me as I am You're still inside me
“Pillowtalk” - Holocene
Yeah, reckless behavior A place that is so pure, so dirty and raw In the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day Lovin’ you, fightin’ on It’s our paradise and it’s our war zone It’s our paradise and it’s our war zone Pillow talk My enemy, my ally
“Mad Love” - The Pretty Reckless
Now there's someone inside me I think it's you Won't let you go, babe Until I am through with Your love […] I am alive when I battle with you You think you amaze me I think that it's true
"You" - The Pretty Reckless
You can't see me, no Like I see you I can't have you, no Like you have me And I want you in my life And I need you in my life
“Crushcrushcrush” - Paramore
I got a lot to say to you Yeah, I got a lot to say I noticed your eyes are always glued to me Keeping them here And it makes no sense at all […] I guess I'm dreaming again Let's be more than this
“Still Into You” - Paramore
I should be over all the butterflies But I'm into you (I'm into you) And baby, even on our worst nights I'm into you (I'm into you) Let 'em wonder how we got this far 'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all Yeah, after all this time, I'm still into you Well, some things just, some things just make sense And one of those is you and I (Hey) Some things just, some things just make sense And even after all this time (Hey)
“Emergency” - Paramore
If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong 'Cause I won't stop holding on So are you listening? So are you watching me? [...] 'Cause I've seen love die Way too many times When it deserved to be alive When it deserved to be alive I've seen you cry Way too many times When you deserved to be alive
"Be Alone" - Paramore
So what if I don't have a lot to talk about? I shut my mouth and keep it locked until it counts And what if I don't ever want to leave my house? Stay on the couch while all my friends are going out Alone You should be alone Yeah, you should be alone You should be alone with me We could be alone Yeah, we could be alone But never get too lonely
"Stop This Song (Lovesick Melody)" - Paramore
The longer that I live with this idea The more I sink in To this 4/4 beat, I'm in time with you, oh-oh, oh-oh To this 4/4 beat, I would die for you (Let's stop this song) I've gone too far to come back from here But you don't have a clue You don't know what you do to me I've come too far to get over you And you don't have a clue You don't know what you do to me […] It creeps in like a spider Can't be killed Although I try and try to Well, don't you see I'm falling? Don't want to love you But I do
"It's Okay It's Alright" - AViVA
You're possibly wondering if things will be alright You know I can't promise but I know we'll both try 'Cause when I look into your eyes they're like the sun And when you smile I feel so warm and so at home
"Wasteland" - AViVA
See you standing right there, right there I couldn't change you, wouldn't change a thing Tonight I'm watching both your bright eyes They're full of danger, full of questioning Your lips, your touch, it always drives me crazy Always drives me crazy It's way too much, with you, it's never maybe You, it's never maybe
"Love and War" - AViVA
Thought that I couldn't be me Without the pieces of you Making it so hard to breathe I still don't know what to do You've cut my heart from me, run from me But I trusted you so Thought that you'd fight with me, fight for me Now I really don't know
"Run Right Back" - ORACLE & Holochrome (Monstercat)
A thousand miles in between us Talk all night, it’s never enough Try my best to believe in love But I’m a mess and you’re the reason
"Thinking 'bout You" - Scarr. & Finding Mero (Monstercat)
[instrumental]
"Calling" - Mango, Cloudcage & Matt Sky (Monstercat)
Yeah, I've been trying hard to breathe Been pushin' down what's underneath It's growin' stronger and I'm gettin' weak It's risin' up and capturin' me […] We were down deep and had no clue Buried down, fallin' far for you Gettin' lost in a starless blue
"Strangers" - ORACLE & Holochrome (Monstercat)
I wonder Anything ever be better than this? I wonder Are you and I more than a passing eclipse? Dance in the sky Sun and the moon I shine in your eyes Looking at you like Shooting stars I'm in your atmosphere Love the way it feels, yeah
"Falling For You" - SABAI, With Løve, & Nevve (Monstercat)
Falling for you Suddenly shakes what I knew Your breaking through, brings me to life This is what it feels like
"All We Needed" - Koven (Monstercat)
All we had and all we lost All in time to speak to us Heaven knows at least that we tried Holding on to little things 'Cause we can't forget the better days Playing on repeat in my mind […] Stop giving to yourself We can have it all again We can have it all again Stop pushing me away We can have it all again We can have it all again
"Waiting" - Kuuro feat. Bianca (Monstercat)
Seek me out, hear me shout "Come get it" Don’t you simmer down, right now Want you acting like you’re in the wild […] Midnight, locked eyes Looking like you got an invite Alright, maybe we should take this outside Skin tight in the moonlight (Oh)
"Dilemma" - Stonebank & Bianca (Monstercat)
But I can see your eyes run down me And all my sense just floats away […] Hey, I'm in a dilemma 'Cause I want your body but I don’t do wrong I'm in a dilemma You've been looking over hеre for far too long, yeah The morе I look in your wicked eyes The more you're leaving me hypnotized No, no, no, I'm in a dilemma (Oh, yeah)
"Horizon" - Odsen & Katrine Stenbekk (Monstercat)
I used to view you as a mountain That I couldn't climb at first But I've only stumbled over diamonds And I no longer fear the worst You were the calm to my storm You could take the wind And though the winter would come Weighing on our shoulders at least the Ice could never break us in
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Helpless part 43, however much we fear the truth we must face it
Hi, I guess I'm doing this now...? Will gave it to me with the second Heartstopper book, I don't really know what I'm doing but I guess I'm meant to write down my thoughts sooooo..... I hate myself, I wish I was dead, I'm a freak, I can't even fucking eat for fucks sake what the fuck is wrong with me, the only good part if my life right now is Will an he's bound to leave soon enough. Fuck I wish I had a fag on me but I already know I won't get away with that in the infirmary, it's not that bad but it makes me feel so fucking useless, maybe if I shadow travelled back to my cabin I could get some, Will would fucking murder me but I might do it.
Here is a list of reasons I hate myself because that seems fucking productive:
1. I'm a fag that deserves to burn in Hell
2. I'm dependent on drugs before I can drive (legally)
3. I can't fucking eat like a normal fucking person
4. I hurt everyone I touch
5. I'm a fucking twig
6. I can't even use my fucking powers now that's how pathetic I've gotten
7. I'm a freak
8. I nearly betrayed everyone
9. I'm a shit brother to Hazel
10. I managed to make my own sister hate me
11. I'm a demigod
12. I can't just be fucking happy for once
13. I over think every fucking thing
14. I need my fucking mouth washed out with soap
15. The Catholic Church
I could say more but I don't think I have time for that, I'm gonna go and think about how I can kill myself while locked up in this place
Fuck is my only thought right now, kill me (PLEASE)
Bianca, mi dispiace, mi dispiace di essere quella di cui hai sempre dovuto prenderti cura, quella che hai praticamente cresciuto solo per riaverla. Vorrei essere morto al posto di te, ogni singolo giorno lo vorrei, vorrei poter essere buono come un fratello maggiore che eri per me per Hazel. Vorrei non essere una fottuta delusione, vorrei che tu non dovessi unirti alla Caccia per allontanarti da me. Spero che ti sia piaciuto essere rinato. Mi dispiace tanto per tutto.
Putain, je n’ai pas écrit en français depuis un certain temps, alors voyons si je me souviens encore comment le faire, si mon orthographe est décente, c’est seulement parce que j’ai passé environ une heure à écrire ces conneries, donc vous devriez toujours être déçu. Qu’est-ce que j’écris ? Aucune putain d’idée, mais j’ai déjà lu Heartstopper trois fois aujourd’hui et je pense que c’est trop gay, même pour moi, de le lire plus que cela en moins de cinq heures. Kayla est venue avec de la nourriture plus tôt, aucune idée de l’endroit où se trouve Will et je n’ai toujours pas mangé de merde parce que c’est à quel point je suis inutile.
I really wish I had a smoke right now, but I know I can't, I feel so fucking stressed for too many fucking reasons and my heads been pounding for hours, Kayla gave me a panadol a few hours ago but that did fucking nothing so yeah struggling to not hit my head repeatedly on a wall out of pain. I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about those nights when I was what, twelve? Probably because of the nightmares, I'm fucking useless aren't I? I couldn't even stop it from happening to Hazel, I'm fucking pathetic. Gods I can't wait to get out of this place, I love Will but I don't know how much longer I can take of this place. The bright lights shining into your eyes so much it gives you a headache, the scent of rubbing alcohol filling the room, the plain white walls that feel trapping, everything feels wrong. I know why I'm here, no one trust's me alone, the part they forgot to mention is that I'd be better off dead. I already know Leo, Piper and Jason talked shit about me on the Argo II, I know they all wanted to leave me in that jar, I know that to Percy and Annabeth I'm nothing more than a burden, I fucking hate myself and so do they so why can't they just let me fucking die?
***
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Guys the bold means it’s written, was gonna do underline but that doesn’t work in tumblr xx
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jamiedc-they-them · 3 days
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Good People - Part II: Do Unto Others (Platonic)
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Part 1 is here!
NOTE: Once again, this series (maybe? if people like it and their dynamic?) will be shorter pieces around certain scenes rather than full episodes. Kind of like summaries with specific lil bits with the main focus being Lucy and Y/N's friendship. Enjoy!
Chapter Summary: You take Lucy to Filly. A gunfight ensues. Lucy surprises you with loyalty.
"I thought I'd have to marry my Cousin," Lucy tells you as you both start to leave the desert and enter a forest area.
"...Uh...Ok?" you say, not really sure how to react to the information your new friend has just given you.
"Is that not...is that now how things are done up here? What about the survival of the Human Race?"
You snort, helping her over a log, "Don't think that's the thing on a lot of people's minds."
"How so?" she asks, genuinley confused.
"More so just concerned about the whole, survival of the self, type thing."
"That's understandable. Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"I won't."
"No, I meant like, ask me. 'Sure, go ahead.'"
"Oh. Sorry. Still getting used to the lingo out here."
You snort again, "ain't too much to learn. And, you're fine, wasn't the worse miscommunication."
She nods, smile on her face, "okey dokey."
You keep walking on, passing two people. You move out of their way, but Lucy gives them a friendly greeting. Nothing comes of it, but you still find yourself leaning in close to her - and accidentally making her jump as she didn't see that you had stopped - and saying to her, "try not to do that in general when out, ok? In towns? Maybe, especially with your quest. But out here," you move your finger in a circular motion, "don't."
"Can I ask why? Nothing bad happened," you partly pity and find her innocence kind of endearing.
"Just...this time it didn't go bad. It might not next time."
"Sorry."
"Don't - don't be sorry," you say, finding your guard going down a bit at her genuine apology, "just...lessons learnt, right?"
She nods, enthusiastically, "yes. One hundo percento!"
You shake your head, "alrighty then. Onward to Filly."
Filly wasn't a bad town. It had all sorts of life in it, not all nice mind, and a certain charm with the environment it laid in. It was also what led you to realise that, for most of your time surviving, you had spent it wandering in circles essentially, with you almost always ending up back here and some point.
Lucy moves between two people, reaching out and grabbing your hand to make sure you don't get lost. She tightens it a bit as you look back at the two people as they look at Lucy, discussing to themselves about the Vault Dweller.
"Y/N, come on," she says, tugging on your hand, "no need to start a fight."
Your hand unfurls from the fist it was in.
You nod at her, she nods back.
A vendor tries to get her to try some meat; she tries to find information on her dad; the vendor just goes back to selling meat.
"Move on. Come on. Don't wanna get trapped here," you say, trying to usher Lucy along.
"But he might --" Lucy protests.
"Trust me?" you ask, attempting to just keep her moving.
Yet --
"I do," Lucy says.
It makes you both pause.
"What?" she asks, genuinley confused.
"That quick, huh?"
She nods, now moving of her own volition.
"Like I said, good judge of character."
She walks on a bit, as you stay put.
"Huh," you say. You'd never been told that before. A snake, sure. Or some other bad word. But never someone to be trusted. Sounded foreign to you.
Still, it made you have a slight spring in your step - or as much as you could, given your current predicament.
Lucy looks in wonder at the place, "Wow-wee!" she says.
"Not a bad looker, is it? End of the world really brings out the creativity in people."
"I didn't expect this, for sure," she admits. Maybe it's her honesty, the ability to have her guard almost always be down, that makes you admire her a bit more. She trusts easily. It shakes you a bit, how quickly she both did that and gave you her water. Things like that are worth gold out here. And yet she gave it to you freely.
She's the one with that dart gun, and yet you find yourself being more of the protector. She accidentally barges shoulder with someone, and apologises. The man, a towering figure, looks her up and down. You stand between them, until his friend hits him as well.
"They might have something for you," you say, nodding to the shop, "I'll stay with you until you find something here. Then, let you be on your way."
"Wait, you aren't coming with me to my dad?" she asks, saddened.
"I mean, I didn't think so? If she has something, then you know where to go. I told you the golden rule: don't fuck with people, and they won't with you. About all you need to know really. That, and you got that," you nod to her weapon, "so you should be ok."
"'Should'?"
You sigh, running a hand on your face. You feel off, "yeah. I mean, I know you said about your vault and all, but that life is too good for someone like me."
"That's not true," she says, hurt on your behalf.
You hold a hand up, "look, we'll talk after, ok? You just go in first, see if she knows anything, then go from there, ok?"
She nods, mood dampened a little. She goes in; you sit in a chair, coughing a few times as you do. You don't know if it's the heat, or what, but something is dragging you down. You just hope it's not this infection. That would be an embarrassing way to go.
Time ticks by, before she leaves, face looking depressed.
"What happened?" you ask. But you don't get an answer, instead, she pauses, looking to a man with glasses.
He warns her about going back to her vault. That it isn't safe here. You chuckle, a dry one but still, he's hit the nail on the head.
He then surprises you both, he tells her facts about her vault: their primary crop is corn; there is a telesonic projector in your farm; it loops images of the Nebraskan countryside; meritocracy - whatever that means - something about the right thing apparently.
You miss the rest, and jolt at a hand on your shoulder. It's Lucy, who is looking at you in concern. She says something, looks away from you, but the voices overlap until -
"It's ok," Lucy says, softly. You look, and see the man she was talking to, a doctor - round glasses, a kind smile on his aged face, "he's a doctor."
"I don't have many - or any tools," he says, looking apologetic.
You wave him off, "not like I have many - or any caps."
He chuckles, leaning down a bit to look at you, "I think, in your condition, I can make an exception," you chuckle a bit this time - it instantly goes into a cough, "let's have a look at you," he reaches out, and you recoil, "to help, I will need to touch."
You seem to forget Lucy had previously held your hand and you had felt nothing of it, but you flinch when even she touches you and puts a hand on your knee.
"Y/N, this is the only way to help you," she insists, "you helped me get here. And, to be honest, I don't really want to leave you in this condition."
You look at her pleading eyes. She's only known you for an hour, tops, and yet she wants the genuine best for you.
You've been looked at like that before, it didn't end well. Friendships never did.
Still, you find yourself nodding. The doctor is gentle with his touch, looking at your scratches.
"I believe it is this one," he says, gesturing to one on your torn trousers being exposed to everything.
"Someone urinated on it," Lucy says.
The doctor looks to you, you confirm it, "ah, then this is what may of caused the infection. Either that, or general exposure to wasteland itself. How long have you had this wound?"
"I honestly do not know."
The doctor nods, stands, and readjusts his glasses, "I will try find you a Stimpack inside, and see if that helps your pain."
The woman from inside the shop comes out, and helps the doctor 'Wilzig' inside. Lucy helps you up. However, before anything else can happen, a Ghoul stands up, calling out to him.
Wilzig's leg is blown off. There's a tense moment, before bullets start flying. A stray bullet catches you on the shoulder. You stumble into the store. You look for a weapon, anything to help keep yourself and Lucy alive as the gunshots keep flying.
"Y/N. Y/N!" Lucy says, making sure not to touch you, but close enough to catch you if you fall, "you can't fight like this! You need to hide!"
"I ain't hiding!" you say, memories of a previous failure flashing in your mind, "not with that monster outside."
"I'll deal with him."
"With that little piss shooter?!" you snap, adrenaline pushing you at this point. A couple more coughs leave you.
"Look, you can't help like this, ok?" she says, taking her weapon out. And, despite your own circumstances, you can see clearly that it's drugs loaded into the thing - it'll do nothing here, "I will solve this as peacefully as I can, ok."
"That really ain't a good idea -"
"Trust me, Y/N. Ok? Golden rule. I have mine and you have yours. Right now, I'm gonna use mine, but if it goes bad, I'll use yours and this."
You can't even stop her as she goes outside.
The Ghoul seems almost annoyed at this whole thing. But, before he can shoot Lucy, a Brotherhood member appears in a suit, and blocks shots aimed for Lucy as they both come through the wall.
With the distraction, you take your moment. You don't have a gone, but you may as well...help. The good doctor helped you after all.
With Lucy and the shop owner's help, you pull Wilzig inside. They sit him down on a seat, as your wounds get to you. You stumble.
Lucy, in an instant, catches you and puts you on your own seat.
"Holy moly," Lucy says, looking at your bleeding shoulder, "that is in deep.
"I know," you say, trying to find something to pull it out with. The shop owner seems to know this, and pushes a knife towards you. You take it, and take a few steadying breaths.
Your hand shakes, adrenaline not helping you here at all. You're scared too. Have whatever the hell is wrong with you plus your fear. Not a great combo.
Lucy, attempting to ignore the Wilzig having a robotic foot being shoved into him, looks at you and approaches you.
"Here," she says, taking your hand and taking the knife, "let me."
"You even know what you're doing?"
She shrugs, "steadier hand, somehow," she quips, holding out her hand and comparing it to yours, "and, no time like the present."
You suppose you have like no options, so you just nod.
"You wanna know my golden rule?" she asks, trying to distract you as she psyches herself up. You make a noise she assumes is 'ok' and continues, "'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'" she says, "you helped me, I'll help you. That is how we rebuild."
"The hell you jump from me to rebui--" you are cut off when Lucy jabs the knife into your shoulder. A burning white flash hits your vision. You hear a plethora of 'sorry!' leave her, but you finally the pain start to fade a small bit when you feel the knife be removed along with the bullet casing.
"Done! Done!" Lucy says. You try and focus your breathing and mind, trying to escape the pain.
You feel a glass of something be put in your hand. You down it. You feel the burn of some alcoholic drink.
"Now," the shopkeeper says," that should keep your friend going for a little bit. At least, until they find a Stimpack. I'm sure you'll find one on your way to Moldaver. You feel her pat you - you don't flinch, too focused on being in the present and not spinning, "you alright, kid?"
You give a thumbs up.
She gives you another pat. You open your eyes. You don't feel amazing. But, you don't feel as worse, so in this world that's positively amazing.
"I'll sneak you three out back," the shopkeeper says.
She keeps her word. Once again, something rare here.
Lucy, yourself, and Wilzig walk through the wasteland. Lucy keeps checking her pip boy every so often.
He passes away, and Lucy looks to the blade she has been given. It startles her when it activates.
You come to a rest, and your day gets even better:
Wilzig has taken a cyanide pill, and you need to decapitate him to keep going and have something to give Moldaver.
"Okey dokey, Luce," she says to herself, "you can do this. You can do this. Just...think of it as a massive knife that...moves, and you'll be -"
It activates again and she drops it. She doesn't reach it first, however, you do.
"Look away, is all I'll say."
"No, Y/N. No, you don't have to do this --"
"'Do unto others', right?" You nod, preparing yourself for the grim task, "I got this, ok? Just, look away, please? It'll get real messy."
She stutters a few times; seemingly wanting to persist, thank you, and object all in one go. But, she turns around. You look back at the body.
"Here we go..." you tell yourself, before activating the blade.
Guess you're in this now...fully.
Part 3
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moregraceful · 5 days
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someone cold emailed me to ask if i was going to a writer's conference in los angeles and was putting together a panel or caucus for queer poets or if i knew anyone who was...buddy you are severely overestimating how much i network with other poets (i don't) and how often i attend writer's conferences (never) 😭
#''do you know of any other poets going'' no?? bc i hate networking with other poets????#LIKE ARE THEY LESS ANNOYING THAN WHEN I WAS 23? IDK? MAYBE?#i feel like most things these days are less annoying than when i was 23#or maybe i'm just better equipped to deal with annoying things than when i was 23#yesterday i was talking to someone about my ethos wrt a class i ran last fall and he stopped me in the middle and was like#you're amazing. that class was a hot mess and you still had fun and found the good in it#like no i'm not amazing. i'm just in my thirties and it takes a lot more than other people's mental health crises to throw me off my game#he was pretty ticked off in the fall when i told him the like depth of crisis multiple students were in bc he thought i should have told hi#i was like idk it did not occur to me to ask for help. he was like you're doing daily check ins to make sure your students are eating??#idk!! it didn't bother ME my job was just to make sure they were still alive! i mean my job was actually to teach liberation theology but#like i was not good at that. but i DO know how to be annoying until people feel less like killing themselves and more like killing me#anyway all that to say i can't wait to see how much less bothered i am in my 40s#i hope i have reached such a state of zen by age 50 that my spirit is unruffled by anything and anyone#i hope i float through life in a fine mist of okayness#someone says ''oh my god kasper my life is falling to pieces'' and i say ok 👍 we can get through this together👍#what was this post about??? oh right networking#good networking: librarians bc you just go ''is your manager batshit insane'' and they go THIS PLACE MAKES ME SUICIDAL#and then you're friends for life#bad networking: poets (when i was 23) because all they do is name drop (when i was 23) and expect you to have opinions (i don't)#this post is wildly overconfident in my zen considering i'm so bored of being unemployed that i keep looking at teamworkonline#bhawks are hiring for a social media manager btw. imagine having that kind of access to mr 🥺. i'd literally only do paid advertising#to gay men#i'm not applying bc social media management would actually break my sobriety i am pretty sure#but imagine having connor bedard at your disposal and being like ok kid. we r gonna catfish some gays into caring about the bhawks#basically what i do with the cuda blog lol#ok ok ok i'm done. posting. goodbye. livejournal mode de-activate#fresno oilers.txt
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froggyhopscotch · 2 months
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I've been seeing people talk about their wishlists for Pokémon Legends Z-A, and a mixed reaction to the idea it'll take place entirely in the city. I'm actually really on board with the idea
I don't know how many people played/remember the post-game quest in Lumiose City for XY, where the player helps Looker with a case, but I remember really enjoying it and thinking it was the best post-game story I'd seen in a Pokémon game up to that point.
Looking back now, it was mostly fetch quest battles. Go find this out of the way place in the city, Battle The Mystery Person, rinse repeat until you get to the end of it.
But if they expand on that idea, perhaps in particular the idea of being the sidekick of a detective and helping people around the city, I'd be so excited for that game concept??
Like, not Detective Pikachu style exactly, but Legends Arceus fused with Detective Noir X)
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byanyan · 4 months
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ㅤat this point, they're beyond wasted and vibing out to music that's too loud with several substances on standby for when the buzz starts wearing off. happy new year!!
#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ic status ⋮ fighting a fight i'll win anyway.#excuse to make use of this gif bc it's one of my faves? maybe.#but mostly i don't want to make an ooc post bc i don't much care for new years#THAT SAID....... i do actually have a goal for this year#and that's to finally ACTUALLY take fucking steps toward getting a diagnosis so that i can maybe start to be a functioning human being#for the first time in far far too long#at this point i'm p sure i'm on the autism spectrum and/or adhd and only having treatment for depression & anxiety#and having psychs guess at MAYBE things like bpd are the underlying main issue#then not actually doing anything about it#has royally fucked over my quality of life since middle school (:#i don't like talking much about my life bc it's genuinely so embarrassing#but i figure maybe baring a little of my soul will help encourage me to finally take steps forward.#this is basically my happy place. my retreat. my escape.#and byan has effectively become my comfort character and a bit of an outlet#so while i'm out here crying about shit i just want to say a huge thank you to all of you lovely mutuals who have kept me company#and put up with my sharp and glittery little freak and given me all these amazing relationships for them#i'd be doin a whole lot worse if not for y'all you have no idea#thank you i love you and here's to hoping that 2024 is good and a better mental health year for all of us ♡♡♡#...there's a good chance i'll be embarrassed enough to delete all these tags later tbh#but i'm in basically the last time zone to hit midnight so it's probably late enough that most people won't see it anyway lmao
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medicinemane · 6 months
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My stomach sounds like some manner of beast right now, just kind of "mhhhrmmhhbbhh"ing, like some sort of creature snuffling and grumbling
#it may in fact shock you that a single potato did not in fact fill me up#but that's what was on offer tonight#and... and between there not being a lot that I'm up to scavenging in the first place and my stomach not making me feel great...#kinda makes it hard to feel like trying to track down something to eat#what I wouldn't give to have like... a dozen big hamburgers and a spinach or romaine type salad#doubt I could eat it; but it's what I'm feeling like might actually get me out of food deficit if I did manage to eat it all#I don't want sweets; I want food; but my mom loves using her money to pick up sweets and it's like...#a couple really nice quality burgers... even... 2... maybe 4 if we're honest; that's what I'd love#maybe a classic style; a bbq one; something with some spicy peppers on it; and then... surprise me with the last one; just no tomatoes#(and only good quality lettuce; you can put it on there but only if it isn't iceburg)#if only if only if only... if only I had a fuck ton of money or if only I had the skills to make that for myself#man I could go for some food right now... just a burger; that's what I'm really craving#like I said; that sausage patty earlier just made me hungrier so I feel like I need meat#and I fucking know all those SEO articles always say there's no way you need more protein in fact you're getting too much#but I just... I want just a massive amount of meat; a mountain of it... or fuck; don't care; you get me whatever it is in it that I'm wanti#and you put it in a vegan form I don't care... I just want whatever it is I'm wanting; and it's taking the form of burgers#Just like... if I had like 50 burgers in the fridge and I could heat one up any time I was hungry#I might actually be full for once after like a week (and maybe out of burgers)#I know I'm better off than most people; I know I'd be fine if I just wasn't so stupid and lazy#but I'm so fucking hungry and have been all my life#a decent meal that comes around more than once a month (that it's rare it comes around that often)#what an amazing idea; you know?#that month where I'd bought that like month of $1 big burger coupons for smashburger... that was maybe the one time I was almost full#only meal of the day most of the days... but fuck... one big burger every day is at least something
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crookedandcorupt · 6 months
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I don't know how I'm going to hand a landlord a check for more than half my monthly wages, for a tiny shitty studio apartment, and not slit their throat just for the audacity of it
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californiagoddess · 10 months
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My old man is a bad man but I can't deny the way he holds my hand and he grabs me he has me by my heart he doesn't mind I have a las vegas past he doesn't mind I have a LA crass way about me he loves me with every beat of his cocaine heart swimming pool glimmering darling white bikini off with my red nail polish watch me in the swimming pool bright blue ripples you sittin sippin on your black cristal yeah light of my life fire of my loins be a good baby do what I want light of my life fire of my loins gimme them gold coins gimme them coins and I'm off to the races cases of bacardi chasers chasin me all over town cause he knows I'm wasted facin time again at rikers island and I won't get out because I'm crazy baby I need you to come here and save me I'm your little scarlet starlet singin in the garden kiss me on my open mouth ready for you my old man is a tough man but he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam and he shows me he knows me every inch of my tar black soul he doesn't mind I have a flat broke down life in fact he says he thinks it's what he might like about me admires me the way I roll like a rolling stone likes to watch me in the glass room bathroom chateau marmont slippin on my red dress puttin on my makeup glass room perfume cognac lilac fumes says it feels like heaven to him light of his life fire of his loins keep me forever tell me you own me light of your life fire of your loins tell me you own me gimme them coins and I'm off to the races cases of bacardi chasers chasin me all over town cause he knows I'm wasted facin time at rikers island and I won't get out because I'm crazy baby I need you to come here and save me I'm your little scarlet starlet singin in the garden kiss me on my open mouth yo I'm off to the races laces leather on my waist is tight and I am falling down I can see your face is shameless cipriani's basement love you but I'm going down god I'm so crazy baby I'm sorry that I'm misbehaving I'm your little harlot starlet queen of coney island raisin hell all over town sorry bout it my old man is a thief and I'm gonna stay and pray with him til the end but I trust in the decision of the lord to watch over us take him when he may if he may I'm not afraid to say that I'd die without him who else is gonna put up with me this way I need you I breathe you I'll never leave you they would rue the day I was alone without you you're lying wit your gold chain on cigar hangin from your lips I said hon you never looked so beautiful as you do now my man and we're off to the races places ready set the gate is down and now we're going in to las vegas chaos casino oasis honey it is time to spin boy you're so crazy baby I love you forever not maybe you are my one true love you are my one true love
You are my one true love
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ozzgin · 3 months
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The wonderful wizard Ozz. I have had this concept stuck in my head like a worm!
Could you imagine a Darling escaping from their Yan, not to run but just to feel the rain on their skin? I've been consuming this prompt like a heroin addict and I can't seem to get enough!
If I were to expand your prompt, I quite like the idea of a Yandere that can't really go full yandere because Reader is just too willing. He loves yandere content and can very much relate, but none of the escalations can happen if, well, the object of his obsessive affection doesn't protest in the first place. Is it too far fetched from what you'd imagined? Let me elaborate:
Yandere! Male x Willing! Reader
AKA: When you want to be a Yandere, but your Darling unfortunately cooperates.
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The Yandere has been stalking Darling for months. Journal entries, walls plastered with photos (and the occasional creepshots), recordings. He just can't get enough of his Darling. He loves everything about you and can barely function throughout the day, fantasizing about your life together.
Enough is enough and he finally decides to make you his. He's been consuming media of similar tropes, with obsessed men pleading for a chance and having to force their way in because of rejection and fear. He's prepared for everything. Your tears, your trembling voice, your hands pushing him away. He finds you, approaches you and confesses his feelings, knuckles white as he grips his fists in anticipation. Your eyes widen for a moment, before narrowing in a smile. "I had no idea! Sure, I'll go out with you." Huh? Wait. This wasn't...this wasn't in the plan. Somehow he'd been certain you'd refuse. He must've mumbled the last part out loud, because you respond with "Why would I say no?"
A very good point indeed. You will change your mind, however, once you learn the extent of his love. You're holding his hand and following along as he takes you to his place, completely and utterly unaware of what you're about to witness. He can't truly be your boyfriend if he has to hide his very nature, after all. You might be disgusted, frightened, offended. He can already hear your screams, demanding explanations. It's all out of love. "It's okay if you don't understand", he mumbles to himself, watching your frozen body as you gaze into his room. You take a couple of steps towards the nearest wall, tracing the hundreds of images with your fingers. "Wow. You never mentioned being into photography", you remark, impressed. "It's like an exhibition! But...you might have to work on your angles", you blurt out, a little embarrassed, pointing to one of the creepshots. "This isn't very flattering. Did you take it in a hurry? It makes my legs look disproportionate." He can only stare, taken aback. "S-sorry" is all he manages.
Okay, but don't imagine your life will continue as usual. You've only seen a glimpse of his adoration. Now that you're officially dating, he cannot allow anyone else to have access to you. You have to understand, he cannot protect you properly if you're not under his watch all the time. As much as he cherishes you, he will have to be rough if needed. That's what he tells himself as he shoves the required tools in the trunk of his car, speeding towards your apartment. Once there, he fidgets on the sofa, considering his speech. You seem to be just as uneasy - perhaps you're predicting what's to come? - casting your eyes down and giving short answers. "I think you should move in with me." He states solemnly. You gasp and throw a hand over your mouth, and tears quickly well in the corner of your eyes. "How did you...how did you know?" You say between sobs. Huh? "I didn't want to burden you with my problems, seeing as we just started dating...but my landlord won't renew the lease. I was so scared I'd be homeless."
He clicks his tongue. This isn't very yandere, more like the average couple experience. You bring the final moving box to his car, fitting it in the trunk. "By the way, what's with all the rope?" you ask. "Just move it aside", he sighs. How can he explain it? He's been training, sweating and bleeding for a marathon and right before the whistle, they handed him the first prize. His muscles are aching for the sprint that never happened. Of course he's grateful to have you at last, but somehow he feels like he hasn't proven his dedication properly. You just don't get it, do you? How sickening his love is for you.
As the days pass, he eases into his role of...how does one even call it? Pseudo-captor? When you found his journal, you blushed and confessed how no one before him put this amount of effort into knowing you. All the male contacts from your phone vanishing? It was about time you cleaned up your acquaintances and it was nice of him to help. The AirTags he's hidden in your bags and pockets? You appreciate his safety concerns. Nowadays, with all these perverts freely walking the streets, you can never be too sure.
One morning he wakes up to an empty bed. He jolts up, dazed. Could it be his wish was finally granted? You must've gotten tired of him and tried to escape. Oh, silly little Darling love. You should've known there's no more walking out once you said yes. He checks his phone and pounces out, ready for the hunt. As he sprints along the street, he finds you suspiciously close to his home. Not very smart of you to...what are you even doing? Your hands are raised up, fingers fanned out under the pouring rain. You notice his presence and turn to face him with a wide, childish grin. "I haven't done this since I was a child. When was the last time you felt the rain on your skin?" Only now it occurs to him he's been running in this downpour and his clothes are soaked. He was too focused on finding you.
"I thought you escaped", he almost whispers. "Escape? From what?" You tilt your head in confusion. He places his cold, large hands over your cheeks. "Do you comprehend I'm very much obsessed with you? I'm not joking around. You're never, ever leaving me. You're stuck here forever. I mean it. I really do. I'd rather kill you with my own hands than let you go. Because I love you." You take a moment to admire the intricate patterns of his irises, pupils dilated in a spiraling madness. By the end of his erratic oration, he's panting and digging his nails into your skin.
"I know."
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kirain · 4 months
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I want to take a moment to talk about Gale's "obsession" with Mystra, because I've had that thrown at me a lot when discussing his character with players who hate him.
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First off, I'd like to emphasize a point that many people already know: Mystra groomed him. Though his exact age when she "slept" with him isn't known, a new document that's been supplied in the epilogue confirms he was merely "eight summers" old when she took him under her wing and sent Elminster to find him. Mystra, in fact, has a vast history of grooming little boys, to the point that many parents hide their sons from her gaze if they show an early aptitude for magic. Though Gale did have other lovers before her, Mystra was really all he knew throughout his childhood, and the power dynamic was not equal. It makes sense that he'd have trouble pulling away from her at first, especially since she convinced him that she/the Weave were his only value in life.
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Second, I want to discuss something most players probably aren't aware of. In D&D lore, there's a place called the City of Judgement. This is essentially D&D limbo, where all mortal souls go to be judged after death. Bad news for atheists, if you don't believe in or worship any gods, you're known as a "faithless", and since no gods will grant a faithless entry into their domain, your soul becomes part of the Wall of the Faithless.
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In short, a faithless' soul will be sucked into the wall, where it will guard the city and suffer endless torment for all eternity. This fate isn't only reserved for faithless, however; it's also a punishment for fallen Chosen or anyone who's been abandoned by their gods. Like Gale. He's absolutely terrified, and he tells you as much if you romance him. If you keep things platonic, he alludes to it during the "go to hell" scene. This is compounded by the fact that raiding demons sometimes attack the City of Judgement, tear souls from the wall, and drag them to the Abyss, where they're used to spawn new low-level demons or to feed their masters. There's no good ending, whether a soul remains trapped in the wall or not.
Gale doesn't explicitly say it, but he's contemplating his own death here, as he probably did the entire time he was locked away in his tower. This is why he's so quick to agree to kill himself for Mystra's forgiveness. It's not because he's "obsessed" with her or because he wants her back, it's because he'll literally go to hell if he can't convince her he's worthy of her twisted sense of forgiveness. By the time we meet Gale, he's honestly over Mystra in all romantic sense, and even more so by Act 2, whether you romance him or not. He's simply...
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prettycottagequeer · 2 months
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ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)
SO these I should start on asap:
50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make
100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week
150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)
200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)
these can wait longer:
300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect
500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)
1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks
2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.
Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese
here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)
How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks
I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.
that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.
the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.
On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started
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