#I’ve been watching this show for the first time and posting abt it sometimes on my main this past month but I’ve kept the tag blocked | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tiredofthehumanlife · 3 months

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More bestfriend!Luke please. 🙏 Just the idea of reader knowing exactly how Luke feels about them and using it to their advantage. I’ve been thinking about them since I read your post abt him taking the underwear and reader knowing.

Warnings: don't treat real people like this it's weird, can you tell I watched saltburn, it's basically the bath scene but like a window and this Felix doesn't die at the end, sorry this took so long I wrote one story And then I didn't like it so I restarted, lmk if this doesn't satisfy, mostly not proof read, too many commas, enjoy

You knew Luke extremely well. You knew his favorite color, his favorite food, his thinking face, his feelings for you. All the basic bestfriend knowledge. You also knew he got nightmares fairly frequently. When he did he was always welcome in your cabin. First, Luke would sneak behind the bushes that grew up against the outside wall of your cabin. Second, he’d peer in through a window that had your entire bunk and side table in view uninterrupted. Finally, he’d tap the window and you’d come to his rescue, letting him in. Your warm bed was always seemed to wash away Luke's fears instantly. Or maybe it was you. You also knew sometimes he’d just come to your cabin because he missed you. Sometimes you just got wrapped up in your camp counselor duties. You would just get so busy you couldn’t even squeeze in your valuable Luke time.

That was your most recent situation. A new camper had arrived, to your cabin nonetheless, and you needed to make sure they were comfortable. Which takes a lot of tours and explaining and so much time. You had no problem with that but you missed Luke. You knew Luke missed you too, so you had a sneaky feeling he would be coming to visit you tonight. You were a bit of a scheming little nuisance. You decided he had missed a lot of time with you, therefore to make up for it you were going to give Luke a show. Your cabin was mostly silent, except for the occasional snore and sleep talking. All the lights were off keeping your cabin mates sleepy. The only light was coming from your curtain-less window and the small candle sitting on your side table.

You had tossed your blankets to the end of your bed. Knowing Luke was on his way to tap on your window, only to find the sight of your naked body illuminated by the small candle, was making you very very excited. You moved your hands against your own body reaching between your thighs.

Out of the corner of your eye you recognized Luke's head popping up. He seemed to be frozen for a second, questioning his own morals. Luke ducked his head back down leaving his eyes peeking over the edge. You smiled to yourself and quickly turned your head in the opposite direction so he wouldn't see that you were smiling.

Your breathing picked up with the pace of your hand. Your body's mounting buzz makes you pick your back off your mattress, pushing your hips and head further into the sheets. You squeeze your eyes shut, furrowing your brows together. You turned your head to face the window, keeping your eyes shut so Luke wouldn't find out you knew he was there.

You imagined Luke dragging his hands over his own body once he returns to his cabin tonight. Whispering your name over and over again. You knew he would. You knew he'd think of you. You wanted him to. You let your jaw hang open as you reach your peak. You mouthed his name, staying silent as to not wake anyone. You needed him to know you were thinking of him the whole time. You needed him to watch his own name fall off your tongue with your hand shoved down between your thighs.

As your breathing slowed you sneak a glance out the window to see Luke's curls still peeking out over the frame of the window. You relaxed your body. Stretching your back with your hands above your head. You sat up and leaned over towards your side table. Giving your Luke a full frontal view before blowing out your candle. You laid down and curled up under all your blankets and heard the very soft scratching of the bushes on your window as Luke ran back to his cabin.

The next day at breakfast you asked Luke if he did anything fun last night. He sputtered and choked on his drink. You slapped him on his back before he finally answered you saying no and asking why you brought that up. You shrugged, played dumb, and said you were just making small talk. You slipped into telling Luke you missed him over the last few days, mentioning you should catch up. Luke agreed to which you quickly added that he should come over to your cabin tonight so you can catch up and have a sleepover. Luke shrugged, face bright red, and said sure. You gave him a time and left him with a kiss on the cheek.

You opened your window and leaned on the frame. Your cabin mates thought it was a bit out of character but ignored it, assuming you had a bad nightmare last night and wanted a bit of peace before bed. As time went on and they all fell asleep, you watched the stars. When Luke finally parted the bushes and stood next to you, you smiled down at him. Luke pointed inside at your cabin. You shrugged. You told him to wait, you wanted to tell him something first. His heart was beating rapidly. You were going to call him a creep and a weirdo and a freak and tell him to never speak to you again. Luke was going to lose his best friend all because he was freakishly nosey. You reached out and grabbed one of his hands, intertwining your fingers. He couldn't run away even if he wanted to.

"I know you watched me last night." Luke's face dropped and his chest heaved. He shook his head and decided the best route to saving your relationship was to apologize immediately.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to it just kinda happened I saw you and then I just got captivated and I have no right to make excuses I crossed a boundary I shouldn't-" you smothered his rambling with your hand. You shushed him gently. You moved closer to him and brushed your lips against his. Luke chased after your lips as you pulled back.

"I liked it." You muttered, keeping your mouth just a few millimeters from his, keeping him tethered. Luke pulled back giving you a confused look. You smiled, pulling him back in. You tilted your head, opening your mouth for him. Just as he pressed his tongue into your mouth, you pulled back. Luke whined and deflated obviously tired of chasing after you.

"I thought it was hot, I was thinking about you. You know that?" He hummed in agreement, his eyes glued to your lips. You shook your head giving him a quick kiss. He looked up at you, puckering his lips out at you. You patted his cheek and dropped his hand.

"maybe I should reenact last night but this time I use your hand, hm?" He quickly looked back to your eyes staring at you to figure out if you're being serious. He quickly nodded, happier than ever to be your best friend at this moment.

#luke castellan x you #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan #percy series #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians

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wonuism · 2 years

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WONWOO HCs

+ just some headcanons i’ve thought abt during the past few weeks (read more link still isn’t working, sorry :/)

will teach you how to play some of his favorite video games. he’ll be so patient with you. doesn’t matter if you suck, what matters is you’re trying your best to learn something that he loves to do

if you happen to enjoy some mobile games, he’ll lay his head on your shoulder watching you play. he loves the annoyed huffs you let out everytime you lose

when he’s not playing video games, he’s probably doing something else with you

like going to bookshops to look for new books to read

sometimes you based it on how cute the cover is without actually reading the synopsis of the book

he laughs everytime but also picks out some books he knows you'll like even if the cover design is ugly

since you two don’t live together, it’s sometimes hard to buy books especially if you two want the same one but they only have one stock

which will prompt the two of you to share. much like how other couples watch a tv show together, not watching the next episode if the other one isn’t there

that’s how you are with the book.

he probably has a goodreads to keep track of everything he’s ever read. it’s a private account with only you as his follower so you can look at his reviews and pick a book to read

sometime he’ll address you directly on the review section

“i know you’ll love this just as much as i did, it’s very perfectly written and i’m hoping you’ll give reading this a chance once you have the free time to do so.” or

“this book reminded me of you while reading it. everything that’s written here encompasses everything i admire about you. maybe one day, if you give me a chance, i’ll read it to you with you laid on my arms.”

treating goodreads like a post office for love letters

speaking of love letters

will let you borrow his books and midway through reading you’ll see a paper in between the pages

“how are you liking it so far? i hope it suits your taste. i can’t wait for you to finish this and talk about it with me. just seeing the look on your face when you talk about something that you enjoyed keeps me going.” swoons

will look at you funnily when you ask to recreate a scene from a book

like.. idk.. a kiss? slow dancing?

but he won’t refuse cuz he secretly want to do it as well <3

matching bookmarks hehe

either customized or something sentimental to you both

like the first note you gave him while you two were still new and vice versa

or maybe you two do activities like making bookmarks for each other?

watching the film adaptation of books

even if you or him fall asleep midway, atleast he/you know what happened in the end cuz you read the book

will probably rewatch it again after a few days, powering through the end just to see how well the film was

if you two didn’t like it, it’s fine. you can always count on the book

if you two ended up liking it though, he’ll add it to the list of movies you both liked.

ok…. are you ready…. letterboxd

he probably has one too

he has these types of account for you

so even if you two are away from each other, you can see his recommendations and what he’s been up to

the fact that all his reviews somehow ends up being about you and how you might like it/reminds him of you says a lot about your relationship

the way he thinks of you everytime he does something while you two are away from each other and he makes it known by writing reviews on goodreads or letterboxd <3

notes. i feel like i always centered wonwoo around books so much cause when i was still learning about svt, my best friend sent me a video guide and the description for wonwoo was something about liking books and during that time i was reading soooo many books and thought “oh wow is he meant to be my bias” then a couple months later here i am.

#wonwoo x reader #seventeen x reader #seventeen #wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #x reader #svt #fluff #headcanons #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo headcanons

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anonymouslyspectacting · 1 year

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This is going to be done by audio speaker to text. Today, today has been a mixture of a bunch of things, rough, good, happy, depressed, anxious, nervous. All of the above to stuff that I like and dislike or whatever I guess. I guess I may say how today was, so today was good, my gf left to go to home to get ready for work @6:30 then I went back to bed after telling her I loved her, I woke up officially around 9:30-10:26ish I think, then I got a burrito and ate that for breakfast (it was really really bad, my dad tries his best to cook but sometimes his meals aren’t very goob). Then I waited for my friend and I played overwatch for the first time ever w/her and I had a lot of fun! Then I started to try to get into the groove w/playing Minecraft which didn’t really work too well sadly which made me nervous/kinda down and I was kind of going through a downward spiral which sucked, but then I started watching yt videos and that kinda blew the time away. After that I went bowling kinda w/my brothers and dad and I felt very overwhelmed because there were a lot of ppl there and it was very noisy and it was a super duper noise overload which just made me uncomfortable and paranoid that people may have been judging me or whatever. I just mainly listened to music when I was there on Spotify, but that didn’t really help too much, so I was kinda just stuck there not able to do anything :/, then after that we went home, I downloaded some more games on my 2ds and finally organized everything into folders, and ate 2 peanut butter sandwiches. I do need to drink water so I’ll probably get some after this post. I called my gf to say goodnight which was nice, but I wanted to talk to her abt this but I don’t wanna wake her up and bother her with how I’m feeling right now. There’s a lot of other things going on also, like how my mom’s ex boyfriend is and has been very very scary and how he has made her feel very unsafe and uncomfortable when she found out he was an alcoholic which isn’t good. And I feel like I’m not ever going to be a good enough son for my dad, because we just never get along at all and it really really sucks, and my brothers hardly ever talk to me, like ik my 15y/o brother isn’t because he’s going through 9th grade and he’s always talking to his friends or is in his room on his computer or is watching a tv show for the hundredth time and never wants to hangout w/me and I understand that, but me now being in college just makes me feel like I don’t belong in this family I’m in. Ik that seems scummy or whatever, but that is just how I feel rn. And my youngest brother bless his heart, has adhd and autism like I do, but he hasn’t ever been given consequences or anything if he did something wrong, plus he’s an iPad child and gets whatever he wants pretty much. And it’s like, it’s sucks cause he never even wants to talk to me :/. My other younger brother who is almost 10, is scared of his dad and his dad is trying to get complete custody of him so my mom can’t see him anymore. He didn’t even get a Christmas tree for them to decorate. I’m hoping to get him something really nice and special this year. Okay okay, I’m sorry this has been long, it’s just how I feel rn and how I’ve been feeling for the past few days. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and a happy Xmas :p Gn ppl

#venting #family #anxeity #tw depressing stuff #autistic adult #adhd #college #student #home issues #griefsucks #biseuxal #lgbtqia

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galwithalibrarycard · 5 months

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hey! a bit of a late ask but i would love to know your thoughts on the tennant/tate doctor who specials and am especially wondering if you have any hcs abt bea and ben watching them together?? i just know they would be losing their goddamn minds over the reunion (as was i)

Hi!!! No worries at all! I’m happy to talk about this of course! The first thing you need to know is that I haven’t watched the specials yet. I’ve been doing my first ever complete watch-through of New Who, started last year and I’m now three episodes into the back half of Series 7. I could technically skip to the 60th anniversary specials now, and I probably should, but I kind of want to watch everything in order and also I’m dragging my feet on the idea of having to pay for Disney Plus, so 🤷‍♀️ With the amount of spoilers I’ve seen on tumblr already, I really should just find a way to watch them ASAP. (The site I would’ve tried first is defunct now and I’m scared of viruses and getting in trouble, so I haven’t taken the time to find a new one.)

As far as Ben and Bea, yes they did lose their entire minds about this, of course! We know Ten and Donna are Ben’s favorite Doctor and companion so you KNOW he was so so SO excited for this. Bea also loves the show and of course was also very excited for the episodes. (I do love the whole thing where Bea has definitely been a Doctor Who fan exactly as long as Ben has, but refused to directly acknowledge it in NMTD because she knows it’s Ben’s favorite and she was determined to hate him. And also because Moffat. But both of those things are in the past and Bea is free to enjoy the show again lol) And she also enjoys the whole experience of the specials because of how absolutely adorable Ben is when he’s excited about anything, really. I can’t really say what they would think of the specials after watching, because I haven’t seen them and because I’m sure their Doctor Who opinions in general are way different than mine, bc they’ve been watching for much more of their lives than I have and are probably all caught up.

What I can say and will never get tired of saying, is that physical touch is a big part of how they show love (that and words of affirmation), so they absolutely still cuddle when they watch shows together. At this point I doubt they even notice they’re doing it, it’s just instinct to be curled up together and touching as much as possible. I can’t help but contrast it to Lolilo, that now they can have all the physical affection they need, and when they say “the flat” they mean the one they share together.

Although- they do need their arms sometimes to flail around and react to plot twists, so they aren’t cuddling the entire time. Just most of it 😆

I’m definitely going to post my reactions when I do watch the specials, now that I know you’re interested! I have a post in my drafts that’s a list of my opinions on the Ponds era now that I’ve finished that, so I’ll post that too. I want to do a full meta post about Ben and Doctor Who now that I’ve finished all of Ten’s seasons, also. And I know I wrote a headcanon post about Bea and Ben watching the Thirteenth Doctor’s first episode together, I’ll try to find and reblog that for you since it’s the closest thing I have right now.

Thank you for the ask, this was so fun! 😊💖

#asks tag #thebirdscomeback #beadick #otp: team blessed #nmtd #lolilo

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lilflowerpot · 1 year

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hello flower! i’ve never submitted an ask to tumblr before, but i just wanted to say this.

(btw, everything in this post is true. it’s kinda an unbelievable story)

i’ve been a fan of LB since it’s publish! i’m pretty sure i discovered it in mid 2018, so i’ve been here for a long time!

i’ve been following ur writing for years and watched you improve annually. i fell in love with your story and writing extremely quickly, and i always looked forward to your new chapters. i distinctly remember feeling ecstatic when keith finally revealed his face !!

however, in 2019, i suffered a catastrophic head injury whilst skiing, which caused me to lose most - if not all - my memories. in truth, i should of died or been in a coma, but i escaped with some critical injuries instead. a broken neck, fractured skull, broken eye socket, the whole shebang lol.

luckily, i was not paralyzed, and i can say now that my recovery has been well! i’m back to being fully functional (sometimes) except for a couple motor control issues.

but the real problem was my memory, i could remember my family and relationships, but i forgot practically every fundamental fact about myself, including my middle name. additionally, i suffered a lot from aphasia and neuro problems which made me struggle to understand sounds coming from people if that makes sense. to cure this, my mom and dad introduced me to (guess what!) voltron. they knew it was my fav show before the crash, so in a sense, they tried to reignite my memories and help work on my sensory processing ability.

i fell in love with the show - again- and watched it during my recovery. probably the only reason i can talk today is because of vld! i find it a little ironic that despite losing myself in the crash, i came full circle. and u can probably guess what happens next!

in 2021, i rediscovered ur fic whilst in the voltron tab. it kinda shocked me to see “Visited: 309” under the fic because i had no recollection of ever reading it. the person i was before must’ve loved it, so i gave it a shot! (btw, me before crash and me now i consider different ppl)

so, i began to read, every word from start to finish. and, as cheesy as it sounds, i think i fell in love again. my recovery has been endlessly difficult and was particularly rough 2020-2021, so this kinda supported me in a way. seeing the growing number of how many times i visited LB reminded me that i had existed the day before.

to give context, every morning i woke up, i would forget almost everything abt myself. eventually that got resolved, but it was jarring. so, seeing that number rise, and reliving the joy of reading LB for the first time gave me hope.

LB means so much to me for this reason. sometimes when it felt like i was losing my humanity to depression and pain, it reminded me that, out there, the previous versions of me were hoping to read LB again. in a sense, i was motivated to read the new chapters as an ode to my previous-day self if that makes sense.

now, 7 months after successfully waking up and remembering the previous day, i am writing this with tears in my eyes. i am writing this with a smile, and i’m writing this with the hope that it reminds you that your literature has saved me, and i’m sure countless other people.

in a way, i view LB as the sunrise. even though there’s the chance that tomorrow never comes, the sunrise serves as a reminder that the previous day existed, and that there are more sunrises to look forward to.

and, to be honest, i think that if i woke up forgetting everything everyday, id be okay with it because i get to read your fic for the first time - again. also, the humor in it is 10/10 haha!!

(also, if u were wondering or worried, i’m also okay with waking up with no memories do to other things and not just LB. incase u were worried that i’m strictly dependent on LB, which i’m not LMAO)

i would’ve submitted this a couple months ago, but i couldn’t put it into words. i don’t think i can possibly explain what you and your fic means to me, so the sun over the horizon will have to do.

even if you think that it’s cheesy that a goofy voltron fic means so much to someone, i hope you find it in yourself to treasure your talent and skill in writing.

i’m so excited for the next chapter, and the next sunrise i get to see <3

here is a pic of the sun i took this morning. thank you for writing, and reading this really long ask. there’s no pressure to respond, although it would be cool to see, but i hope you read this nonetheless. btw u can publish the response if u were wondering.

sincerely,

D <3

I have been trying quite desperately to compose an answer to this one since it first appeared in my inbox, and at this point I don't know that I'll ever be able to do you justice, but two months is far too long for you to have waited for something of this magnitude, so please bear with me while I endeavour to do my absolute best.

First and foremost, I am so sorry for everything you've been through (though I can only assume you've heard that sentiment ad nauseam, so do forgive me if you're sick of it), but more than that I am distinctly and unbelievably proud of the grace with which you seem to have taken such catastrophe in stride. I couldn't possibly claim comprehend the true scope of all that you've endured, but I hope in some small way it might give you,,, comfort? a sense of camaraderie maybe? to know that aphasia is something I'm intimately familiar with as a recurrent symptom of my migraines, due to them being hemiplegic in nature, so I know the frustration of being unable to comprehend sounds you know you should recognise- being unable to articulate your own thoughts- feeling half trapped inside your own damn skull- all too well, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, least of so sweet a soul as yourself.

My darling, I'll say again: I am //fiercely fucking proud// of you, for not only enduring but in truth overcoming all that you have. Though we do not know one another, this message alone bleeds with such admirable strength of character that I cannot think you anything less than a remarkable and resilient individual, and to know that my writing could in any capacity support you through such an ordeal is both an honour and a privilege.

All my love,

lilflowerpot ♡

#sincerely I am in tears #sa screams back #the author speaks

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autisticempathydaemon · 7 months

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This is for the matchups! :D

I’m sorry in advance for how much I typed personality quizzes/questionaires are my weakness. Thank you sm in advance if you decide to do this!!

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

song ✧.*

Fragile by Laufey! I wont call myself a hopeless romantic but listening to her songs makes me want that romance like oh my god?? It’s also really fun to sing (the only times i sing is either in the shower or if im screaming songs in the car w/ my sister)

My fav lines are:

Grew up in a case of fragile glass

But hammer away it's time to crash

And as it shatters let me shatter into you

(also the whole chorus 100%)

enneagram ✧.*

9w1! Very accurate since I hate any form of conflict and I’m a huge people pleaser in general. Also my MBTI is ISFJ!

video essays ✧.*

YES. My main form of entertainment now since I cannot find the brain capacity to get invested into a show. My go-tos are usually j aubrey (random social media scandals) or Wendigoon (horror, disturbing content icebergs)! Sometimes I watch social commentary like Jordan Theresa and Shansphere for funsies too. And if this counts I watch reviews/summaries of random books or games I’m really curious about but don’t have enough motivation to start?? Also media analysis (my current favorites are Night In The Woods and Midsommar essays).

childhood imaginary friend ✧.*

I didn’t have one sadly but I was super into Undertale as a child LMAO

falling asleep ✧.*

It used to be random YouTubers (mostly storytime animators) or clip montages of shows I was fixated on but ever since I’ve discovered Redacted it’s only been sleep aids. My fave is the Milo one it knocks me out everytime. I’m always either holding my green dinosaur plushie or my bee plushie that’s shaped really wonky.

name change ✧.*

Iris! I’m personally a sucker for flower names and flowers in general (I fucking love flowers oh my god).

fave audio ✧.*

Bowling with the bois! I love the DAMN squad with all my heart and Gavin messing w/ Lasko is the funniest shit ever.

least favorite char (kinda) ✧.*

I’m really new to this fandom so I haven’t gotten the chance to listen to alot of characters (also thank you for your ‘new to the fandom post’ I’m so well fed now). There might be a chance I don’t know the character you pair me with but if I don’t know him I’ll definetely listen to his playlist! But if I had to choose I’d choose Ivan?? I’m only going off of the very brief time he was in Freelancer S1 so I know nothing

word for word ✧.*

Inside Job!!! Everyday I get sad over the fact Netflix cancelled it.

platonic ✧.*

Asher! He’s just so sweet (the way he comforted babe on the elevator when they first met oh my god) and we’d definetely be gossip buddies. It’s funny because I got into the fandom for Asher and immedietely got sidetracked.

tired rambling ✧.*

I don’t ramble but I will laugh at almost anything. Like my humor gets 100x more broken.

gas station ✧.*

Starbux mocha coffee in those little glass bottles. I also get sour gummy worms and Haribo.

favorite playlist ✧.*

either my laufey playlist or fem rock artists playlist (destroy boys, sir chloe, etc!)

guilty pleasure ✧.*

Redacted. Fanfics too but I’m not that guilty abt those

anything else ✧.*

☆ Super introverted but if I’m with another introvert I’m able to be outgoing to a degree. All of my friendships consist of extroverts adopting me

☆ I prefer listening way more than talking

☆ I’m either thinking of 1920213 things per second or cannot think for the life of me

☆ Airheaded?? Lacking common sense in general

☆ I draw and play the guitar!

☆ I have too many plushies

☆ At first impression I’m super reserved but as time goes on I get more unhinged

☆ Very easily distracted

☆ Sensitive but I don't outwardly show it

Hmmmm… I like you. I think you could work well with a lot of people and make them quite happy. However, something in my gut likes best the idea of you with Anton.

Your MBTI, Enneagram, and self-description give me the impression of a really sweet person inclined to fairness, introversion, mediation, and good vibes in general. Maybe that’s why you fit so well with Anton; he also has this chill, no-drama vibe of just trying to live a good life being himself, being with you, and being happy. Lowkey, I’m assuming you went with the pacifist route in Undertale first and maybe only. That’s fitting given I think Anton would take the same route (if he were a video game person which I don’t think he is. If anything, he’s a Tetris man.)

I think you have a really peaceful, stable life together- at least, once he gets back from his secluded, secret lab, of course. It’s a sweet life of Anton bringing you flowers randomly because he drove by the store or farmer’s market and wanted you to know he was thinking of you. He marvels constantly at your creativity, always loving watching you draw and play guitar, getting your favorite songs to play stuck in his head. Maybe he has you record some so he can listen to them when he misses you; that’d be really sweet.

Song:

I was just guessing at numbers and figures/ Pulling the puzzles apart/ Questions of science, science and progress/ Do not speak as loud as my heart/ But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me/ Oh and I rush to the start

This is such a “gimme” song and yet I don’t care! One, this is a super singable, sweet song that I can imagine translates well to a guitar. (I say imagine because I know nothing about guitar, please forgive me.) Two, scientist. Technician. I need not say more. Three, it’s a lovely, mournful song that, I think, is kind of about a break up but could also reasonably be about long distance and forced separation. It’s perfect.

Runner-ups:

Your runner-ups are really fun because you could make fun couples or a throuple! I like Damien for you because he’s a Type Six in my opinion, and they’re supposed to make really lovely matches with Type Nines. (This is me and my best friend so confirmed.) I also like Huxley for you because he has a lot of similar traits to you but just more extroverted. Also, plants. Together, you could make a beautiful triangle.

note: Thank you so much for waiting! October was a dickhead to me that delayed yours and the ones after you a lot, so you are so much appreciated~! If you haven’t listened to Anton yet, I highly recommend him, he’s so sweet

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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crimeloyalty-arch · 2 years

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i’ve been meaning to post a meta about this but i tend to be better about writing those if i just kinda throw my thoughts together in a random little post first soooo i’ve been thinking about harley & batman like, a lot since i started this blog since there are so many different takes on their relationship? loooots of her being antagonistic obviously (which makes sense) ---- mad love novel goes on and on about how she just doesn’t ‘get’ batman and how people blame it on her not growing up in gotham ( fwiw my harley was born and raised in gotham, not brooklyn ) --- harley herself is basically like i don’t support unchecked vigilantism which is a fair perspective but has never quite hit for me. also def some takes out there about her being jealous of how much attention joker gives b which just bothers the shit out of me because , like , y’all , it’s not like bruce indulges it and it feels soooo ‘ hate the other girl my bf’s obsessed with and not my bf ’ and harleen would never? ever? would def team up with said girlie instead , even if said girlie is a uhhhhhh 6′3 or whatever dude who fights crime in a bat suit. so that take just really doesn’t resonate w/ me at all. and honestly i think harley gets the need for violence, even before she goes down the rabbit hole, so i rlly don’t think she holds it against batman when he does hurt criminals . . . like . . . sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to save lives, and harley gets that. ( she also gets sooo fixated on violence like watching bats and j fight for the first time in harleen --- she dreams about it for months. )

takes that resonate with me a lot more are unsurprisingly what we see in harleen & also what we see in white knight. harleen i think shows harley looking up to batman a lot. she goes to him for reassurance / guidance --- she needs him to remind her what she’s fighting for in the first place. and she trusts him. he is a hero to her -- he represents her hope for a better gotham. and that’s why she takes it so fucking hard when she realizes that he doesn’t believe in j being able to get better -- bc she really really really fucking looked up to him and respected him and thought he shared her vision for making gotham better. so it’s really hard for her to take. she’s really deeply hurt by it. but it’s also like ---- bats is going to be so key to helping her get away from the joker. thinking abt these panels specifically. where bruce believes so strongly in the goodness in her. “if she is lost, then be a beacon. a light in the storm to show her the way back.” i have read harleen at least six times ( i wish that i was joking ) since mid-april and white knight once so i can’t give u as much details but just the general vibe? of harls and bats being friends? of him having faith in her? of trusting her to do good? and also how he is the person she runs to when she is truly in over her head??? that’s so important to me.

anyways -- all this to say that my generic background harley & bats relationship is based a lot on the vibes from harleen & white knight. a common history ( bats knowing harley before joker, even if she didn’t know bruce ), harley being hurt but still trusting him more than probably anybody else in her life. eventual besties, probably, hopefully. like would name him the godfather to her kids. obvi this doesn’t necessarily apply for threads that are actually w/ anyone writing b since those will all b their own dynamics -- but i just wanted to kinda lay out a general background so in other threads y’all know where harley’s coming from when she mentions batman!!

#⸻ to live for the hope of it all — ooc.

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calamitydaze · 1 year

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hearing abt the late 2020-early 2021 dsmp fandom is always so interesting as someone who joined ~August of 2021. My friends were really into it then and now I can hear people talk abt it and it's very interesting to think about the differences!! Sometimes I'm a bit sad I missed it, but I like to think of it as if the dsmp was some chemistry experiment done in a high school class. And at first the little test tube was crowded by a bunch of people and I was watching from another table, not seeing anything but occasionally hearing stuff from my friends, doodling other fandom stuff in my notebook.

And then as people began to pitter off and found other interesting things to look at, I got closer, and sure a lot of the big flashy excitement was gone, but I could look at the data written by my peers, and I found that the little chemistry experiment continues to be just as interesting as before, even if it looks slightly different and the data's changed a bit.

Like, I remember watching some of Techno's lore streams, Las Nevadas lore streams, Tommy's finales streams (that was a super fun one in the corner of the fandom I predominately follow /gen). Lovejoy's second EP came out and they started doing live performances. The final manhunt was posted. The DREAM TEAM MEETUP happened!! I got to watch a bunch of fun MCCs. And, yeah, people are busier now that the pandemic is over, so of course hype has died down and streams are more infrequent. And, yeah, I missed witnessing the beginning in real time, and I do wish the fandom was a bit less divided since I like ccs from different spaces, but, ultimately, the experiment is still doing cool things!! And it's easier to see and easier to breathe now that people aren't crowding.

I'm not sure if the metaphor or any of this made sense, but I tried my best to show the perspective of someone who joined a bit later (though I'm technically not a new fan anymore, which is... odd).

(so sorry if this is completely incomprehensible btw uni mid-term season is frying my brain).

SO SRRY i forgot to answer this but that makes perfect sense and i actually like it a lot!! things are different now and a lot quieter but still a ton of cool things happening, even if someone joined literally yesterday :] which is cool! this is a very dynamic fandom in terms of content, i find. and i feel you on finding it weird that you aren’t even close to being a new fan anymore like fack when did i go from struggling to tell sapnap and dream’s voices apart to reminiscing on the among us era i’ve been here too long

#sorry i didn’t have more to say! but i rly appreciate your perspective thanks for taking the time to send it 🫶#i hope midterms are going/went well for you!#bella answers #anon

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hyunjinhour · 3 years

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Stray Kids ships.

I’ve been a stay for around a year now and I thought let me talk about the skz ships I have been screaming abt.

1. Hyunchan when I first noticed them it was during one of their online concerts and I was like ohh hold a minute. Pre-red lights here, I would say Hyunchan are not overly loud so you might not notice them from the go ahead. I did notice that the way they act around each other is different from how they act around anyone else. They also do this thing where they put their hands in each others chests lol and they do that a lot.

There was a comment that said “Hyunchan is secretly a married couple but they are too shy to show their relationship.” This sums Hyunchan up perfectly.

Also Red lights, gosh when they were talking abt a sexy rnb song I didn’t think we would be attacked like that. Oof too hot.

Hyunchan are such a Hot pair. Also, it’s the funniest thing when Hyunjin flirts with Chan and Chan gets soooo shy.

2. Seungbin - This ship has just attacked me recently. They are soooo loud but they are so underrated. With Seungbin what I have noticed is that Seungmin goes to Changbin to give him backhugs (like a lot) or like when he was resting his head Changbin’s shoulder and it feels like Changbin is Seungmin’s comfort space. It’s really cute.

And also Changbin is wildin, especially with Seungmin (My Changlix heart cries lol) (Like the last talker Seungmin was going to give Changbin a high five and Changbin went in for a kiss lol Wildin. Need I mention the two dance practices where Changbin was on top of Seungmin and I was like shocked the first time I saw those moments and then I proceeded to rewatch them 10 more times.

3. Hyunin are so cute. Hyunjin is still ever so whipped with Jeongin and it’s just so cute. They are so comfortable with each other. It’s cute to see.

4. Minjeong - This is a contribution of this video and reading a fic that had Minjeong and then realising that Lee know has a soft spot for I.N and I just love how Minho teases Jeongin. It’s so freakin cute.

5. Chanmin are soo loud especially when you watch the skz talkers. I think Chan is very comfortable with Seungmin and he is always hugging him and back hugging him. It is so cute.

6. Hyunsung are the ultimate enemies to lovers like to the story they told us back in the day to them now they seem really really close and it’s so cute.

7. Minsung - They are married, couple goals. They are just too cute. Lee Know is really touchy with everyone including Han. The thing that gives Minsung away the most is how Han reacts and acts when around Leeknow. Like they give themselves away too much. We luv it.

8. Hyunlix - I feel like Felix has such a soft spot for Hyunjin or a little crush and I feel like this time he is guarding himself but he slips up sometimes and we see it. I am torn because I feel like Felix still likes Changbin but he has more feelings for Hyunjin now.

The first skz ships post I made here.

#hyunchan #seungbin #hyunlix #minsung #hyunin #minjeong #seungchan #chanmin #hyunsung #hyunjin #bangchan #jeongin #leeknow #han #felix #changbin #seungmin #stray kids

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finelinevogue · 3 years

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We need more Bella and Megan content!!! Insta posts were so cuutee!!! Maybe a blurb abt the relationship between Megan and the family?? It could be interesting… I imagine then being a very open and close knit family u know, where they can talk freely about anything,and yes including sex, and I think it could be interesting to see how maybe bella needs some advice/want to talk to someone about being intimate w her gf and doesn’t know how to bring that up to her family bc she is embarrassed and doesn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable?? I’ve never read a doc like this, or where one of the kid is not straight (only w/ Harry or the reader being bi) and yeah it should be written abt more.

megan and belle are sooo cute yes! ok let’s see where this goes!! hope you have fun reading;

belle - 18

“Will you stop faffing, you look beautiful honey.”

You slapped Belle’s hands from playing with her outfit again. Tonight you and Harry were properly meeting Megan for the first time, by taking them out for a meal at this new Thai restaurant down the road. Belle had been worrying all evening as she was getting ready, coming downstairs multiple times to show off outfits to you so you could give them your honest opinion. It didn’t help her when you said she looked beautiful in all of them. Belle wasn’t into playing “girly” dress-up, but she thought that putting effort in for her girlfriend, tonight, might be a good idea. So she’d finally decided on some denim jeans, a basic top and then one of Harry’s old blazers. She looked amazing.

“Just so nervous.”

“Why? You like them, right?” You asked, adding on a bit of lipstick, whilst you were sat at the table of this fancy restaurant.

“Yeah. Like really like them.” Belle emphasised, shrugging off the blazer as she was becoming too hot with nerves.

“Well then we’ll really like them too. We trust you.” Harry butted in, sitting as close to you as he could whilst sat in these chairs. Before you’d managed to sit down at the table he’d moved your chair along to be closer to his, meaning he could slink his arm around the back of your chair and have his hand in your lap if he wanted to. Even after all these years he still knew how to make you feel especially loved.

Belle’s phone pinged and it made her freak. “Oh god, it’s Meg. They’re here.”

“Okay, B. Calm down and go and get them from outside, we’ll just order some wine or something.” You ordered her softly, trying to put your daughter more at ease. She was more nervous than you imagine Megan would be.

Your daughter stood up from the table, both you and Harry smiling at her. “Okay.” She pushed her chair in behind her and about to walk off, but she quickly turned back to you both, “Remember; Megan Dover, they/them pronouns and don’t mention anything about astrology otherwise we will be dead before we leave this table,okay?”

You both chuckled at her, loving how she was so aware of her girlfriend and the things that were important to them. “Okay love. Now stop fussing and go.” Harry shooed his hand and his daughter away from the table. She turned back around to flash you two thumbs up and you both smiled at her, watching your all-grown-up baby walk away.

“We’ve done well Styles.” You turned to face him, to find he was already admiring you, thinking about the wonder life you’d both created and the wonderful children that had been a product of it.

“Was just thinking the same thing, m’heart.” He smiled and leaned in to kiss you, pressing his lips onto your lipstick-stained ones. He didn’t care if his lips became painted a different colour because of it, he would never miss the opportunity to give his beautiful wife a deserving kiss. He loved you too damn much.

You cupped his chin and he tightened his arm around you, that had been slunk around the back of your chair. He squeezed your thigh three times in signal for saying ‘I love you’ without any words needing to be spoke. You tapped his chin three times in return. Everyone always hated how loved up you two were, but really you just think they’re jealous of how perfect your relationship is. Sure you have your ups and downs, but isn’t that what makes it so perfect? You pulled away and looked into his dreamy eyes, kissing him once more for good luck, before returning your attention to your glass of water for a drink.

“Thirsty?” He asked you, keeping you close.

“Mhm. All that talking I was doing this afternoon on the phone to that bloody insurance company.”

“You did give them a piece of y’mind though, love. You were a lot more civil than I would’ve been.” Harry chuckled, waving his hand to catch one of the waiters attention.

“Seriously though? Nearly charged us an extra £1,000 for a service charge. Bloody fuckers.” You sighed and put your water back on the table after taking a lengthy sip.

“£1,000 isn’t really that mu—” He didn’t finish his sentence though because he caught sight of your stern face and knew exactly what you were thinking. You hated when he talked about money as if it wasn’t a problem, because you didn’t want your kids to grow up with that ideology. “You know what? They’re bastards and i’m proud of you for handling them so well.” He kissed you again and then the waited came over, stopping you from having a go at him for being cheeky. You pinched his leg in respond and he caught your hand, holding it tightly in his as if a warning for you to stop.

“Evening Sir. How can I help?” He asked politely, his serving towel draped over his forearm.

“A bottle of y’cheapest red wine please.”

“Certainly Sir.” And the waited was gone.

“Cheapest?” You asked confused, making Harry turn back towards you.

“Well it’d be a bit hypocritical of us to ask for our favourite bottle of wine, which is £1,000 darling, now wouldn’t it?” He smirked at you, knowing he’d played you just perfectly.

“Such a git.” You scoffed in pretend offence and then kissed him again too make sure that he knew you weren’t mad.

You both sat back and looked in the direction which now you could see Belle walking back over to you from where she’s gone to fetch Megan. Belle was guiding them book, Megan following closely behind her, and they were holding hands. They looked completely adorable and you wanted to just rush your camera out and snap loads of photos of them to remember this moment. Yes, you were that mum who takes a photo of everything and anything when it came to your children. You even had an album on your phone dedicated to your children’s haircuts… You leg started to shake nervously in anticipation.

“Calm down you!” Harry laughed quietly, just incase the two girls could hear you. Harry stood up out of his chair first and held out his hand for you to follow. He made sure your chair didn’t tip back as you stood and kept ahold of your hand as they approached you both.

You caught Belle’s eye and you could how happy she was from the twinkle within.

“Mum, Dad, this is Megan,” Belle introduces you all, Megan still stood slightly behind her, “Meg, this is my mum, Y/N and my dad, Harry.”

Harry was the first one to cross his hand over the table. “Lovely to meet you Megan.”

“And you Mr Styles, but please just call me Meg.” They shook hands together and Harry smiled at them warmly, wanting to make her feel as part of the family as possible. He was good at that.

“Well then then you, please, call me Harry. Makes me feel old otherwise.” His joke made the table laugh and ease any nervousness that had been there before.

“That’s because you are old, dad.” Belle added cheekily.

“Oi watch it you. Don’t think I won’t embarrass you in front of your girlfriend.” He raised his eyebrows teasingly and pointed sternly at his daughter, who did pack quite the punch with her snarky responses sometimes.

“I’m counting on it Harry.” Megan laughed, which made everyone chuckle again. Megan was such an easy girl to get along with and it was clear that they made Belle a very happy person, for that you indebted to them.

“And nice to see you Meg.” You shook your hands with Megan as Harry and Belle continued to banter over the table. You were sat opposite Megan, Harry next to you and Belle diagonally opposite you. You and Megan both sat down before Harry and Belle did.

“Likewise Mrs Styles,” you gave them a look which had them chuckling as they corrected themselves, “Y/N, sorry! Are they usually like this?” They asked you, watching Belle and Harry talk about some absolute rubbish.

“Oh don’t even start! They wind each other up all the time. Drive me up the bloody wall they do!” You laughed and you felt calmer when Megan laughed too. “Wine?” You offered them, having had the bottle delivered whilst you were all being introduced to each other.

“Yes please.” They smiled and held out the glass to help you pour. You poured them a generous glass and then followed by pouring yourself one too.

You weren’t blinded by the beauty of Megan. They had strong-loving brown eyes and blonde hair that seemed to be toned down with brunette roots. They had a simple face with perfectly plucked eyebrows and a fiercely sharp jawline. They were just very naturally pretty, that you could tell. They were wearing similar to Belle actually, which made you think they’d coordinated their outfits - your inner mum was freaking out over the soft thought. You and Harry often liked to coordinate outfits too, like tonight - both of you were wearing navy blue.

“You want wine B?” Meg asked Belle, breaking her away from the pointless conversation with her dad.

“What? Oh, yes, yes please.” Belle responded, shifting closer towards Meg and holding their hand again. They kept their public displays of affection to themselves, a bit like you and Harry had originally been. You filled up your daughters glass, but passed on filling up Harrys glass because he was driving home tonight.

“So what do you plan on studying at university Meg?” You started the conversation with the easiest question you could.

“Marine Biology.” They answered and you could tell they were clearly excited by the tone of happiness in their voice. You didn’t miss the squeeze of pride that Belle gave them either.

“That sounds good! Where abouts are you going to study?”

“Newcastle, actually.” Meg went quiet and you understood why, because Belle was going to the exact same university to study Engineering.

“Oh really?” Harry asked, pretending to be surprised but it definitely came through sarcastically - this earned him a kick under the table from his daughter.

“Oh shut up!” Belle rolled her eyes and Meg smiled at her playfulness with her family, it made them really happy that their girlfriend had such a loving and special family.

You were so not ready to send off your daughter to university, because she was your final baby to leave the safe nest of the Styles home and it was just going to be you and Harry left. You were excited for the time you’d have with him, but you were sad to see you final child leave you. You were even more excited for Belle to be going out and adventuring the world as she wanted to. She was going to do great things and you couldn’t be prouder of her. It eased you to know that at least Meg would be their with her - almost like a home away from home.

“You have any brothers or sisters Meg?” You asked.

“I have a younger sister, but she’s evil.” Meg laughed, before taking a sip of their wine.

“Evil how? ‘Cause my children are the exact same.” Harry spoke sincerely as if one of his children weren’t sat directly in front of him. It earned him another kick to his legs from his daughter. “See? Evil.” Everyone laughed, Belle just sulked.

“Well Ivy just terrorises everyone and anyone. She’s just evil.”

“Belle ain’t much better i’m afraid.”

“Dad! Meg is going to leave me if you keep painting me out to be an arsehole.” Belle rolled her eyes, but was brought out of her strop by Megan who brought her hand up to press their lips on her skin.

“Can’t chase me away that easily Belle.”

And it was that moment that you knew that Belle had found a forever partner in Megan, just as you had found in Harry.

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meruz · 3 years

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once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous)

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL.

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close.

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

#ask #trying this new thing where i tag people in the body of the post instead

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asterekmess · 3 years

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Been seeing you getting hate mail and while I absolutely can't understand why anyone would go to all the trouble to make some one else feel bad... I also kinda really love the discourse on Scott? Like YOUR RANTS oh man. On point. Always. Tbh I tried giving Scott a chance... He is the main char after all... But I was like??? Wtf? That dude does nothing but refute others and does whatever he wants. And this was when I didn't particularly like Stiles either (first time watching Teen Wolf). But then I got to know more of him and like Tony he went asshole to lovable asshole—seriously, Stiles might not be the ‘nicest’ but he tries and his heart is in good place—while Scott is just... self-righteous. Someone pointed out that he sees people as possessions and that irks me too that I can actually see it being true. The dude has literally nothing going on except for being the one that gets bitten. And the Romeo-and-Juliet-esque romance he has.

Okay, okay, where was I going with this?? Right. LOVE YOUR RANTS. People need to understand that Scott not being liked isn't because of his race or anything trivial like it—he just happens to be—but because of his actions. Or inactions, as it were. *remembers the pool scene and Scott saying he's busy and resists the urge to chuck a shoe at him*

Basically, love you, love your work, and love your words! ❤️

I've talked with some friends about it, and our number one issue sort of...boiled down to the hypocrisy of the show? I....sort of rant a lot here, and I would add a Read More, but I can't find the option anymore?? I fucking hate Tumblr. EDIT: I found a post that told me how to do it!

So, since he's the character I focus on the most, let's talk about Stiles' morality. Because, you're right. Stiles is an asshole. He does some fucking awful shit in the first season, and even if he had a Reason to do it, it was still bad. And I still don't like it. But I understand it.

Stiles' lack of shits about what is 'lawful' is literally established in the first ten seconds of the show. He's a sheriff's son who sneaks onto people's roofs in the middle of the night bc they aren't answering his calls, who listens in on his dad's work conversations and is willing to fuck up a crime scene because he's so excited about getting to see a dead body. He doesn't care about laws. He doesn't even care about most basic manners (invasion of privacy much, with having Scott sniff Lydia to see if she liked him?). He's a dickhead, even to the people he cares about sometimes. But personality and morality aren't the same. Stiles' entire actual morality system is based around whatever he needs to do to keep the people he loves safe and happy. Lying to his dad so he doesn't get murdered by hunters? Totally fine. Telling Scott that it was "Jackson's own fault" that Scott attacked him with superstrength and dislocated his shoulder, so Scott doesn't feel like an asshole? That's just best friend duties! He will lie, steal, cheat, and he will kill to keep his loved ones safe (let's not forget this boy threw molotovs at Peter, knowing damn well what they would do to him). We can headcanon all we want about all the different people who are in this group of loved ones, but the list is canonically very short: Scott, his dad, and Lydia. Later on, like, past s3B? It includes Derek. Canonically. Stiles puts his life and the lives of others he cares about on the line while he lies to the matriarch of the Calavera hunter clan, to save Derek Hale. Derek is just canonically a part of that group now, and he fucking knows it bc Stiles is his anchor (that's canon too bb). End of Story, Sterek or no Sterek. It's why we get that insane number of lookbacks when Derek is dying before his evolution. Because Stiles is being forced to choose between two people who are BOTH in his ride-or-die group. He Cannot Pick between Scott and Derek, until Derek begs him to leave.

SO, yes, Stiles does fuckface things, and I don't always agree with what he does, but it is ACCURATE TO HIS CHARACTER. He is morally grey. He NEVER CLAIMS to be pure or good or just or righteous. Stiles knows who he is, and he stays true to himself. And I love him for that.

The same goes for a bunch of other characters! For Peter, who is strikingly similar to Stiles, in that family goes above literally everything. Screw the idea that he was following Derek around waiting for the chance to steal back the Alpha spark. That man put his life on the line (his second life, no less) to get the shit beaten out of him until Derek let him help save Derek's life Again and Again. Family Comes First.

Scott's morality is...confusing as fuck. I thought at first he was similar to Stiles, in that family came first, but...while he's protective of his mother, he also does a lot of stuff that puts her at risk without seeming to care/worry (like leaving Peter alone with her once Stiles hits their car, so he can chase Jackson) (or asking her to come to the high school when he's convinced there's a bomber in it)? Seriously, he's more protective over Allison, than his mother. It's very black and white the rest of the time. Very "this bad" "this good." And if you do "bad" then you are bad forever, while if you do "good" you are only good until you do "bad." The Betas were "good" until they asked for the bite, and then they were "Bad." Derek was "bad" when Scott met him and scared him, so after that, no matter how much "good" he did, he remained "bad." But only when it suits him. Allison is good even when she does bad, because he wants her to be good. Chris is good even though he's done mountains of bad, because of the minuscule amount of good that Scott has seen him do, because Scott wants him to be good. Even DEUCALION is good, despite the crazy CRAZY amount of bad he's done and despite having seen him do NO GOOD, just because Scott wants him to be good. Lying to those closest to you is bad, unless Scott is doing it, and then it's good, because he knows HE is good. Killing people is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Letting villains go is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Biting people is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Protecting family is good even if it requires killing or lying, unless it's not Scott doing it. Revenge for past slights is good, unless it's not SCOTT doing it. And you try to understand it! You try to say, okay, then he's morally grey, got it. He plays with the rules to suit his own morality, whatever. Except that Scott, the other characters, and THE SHOW ITSELF, are all telling you otherwise! They all say that Scott is morally pure. That he is good and righteous and lawful. That he always does the "right" thing, and that when he does "bad" things, it's justified and he had to. THE HEAVENS THEMSELVES say Scott is somehow better or more righteous than the other characters by MAKING HIM AN ALPHA OUT OF NOWHERE. (I'm talking abt canon here, not going into deaton conspiracy theories) It's like....Like in the hate mail response I did, where I pointed out that Every Single Thing people get angry at Derek for doing, Scott did too. Lying, killing (or at least attempting it), attacking innocents, losing his temper, keeping secrets, refusing to work with someone who could help, etc etc etc. Everything Derek has done that is morally "wrong," Scott has also done. And that's okay! Doing a bad thing doesn't make you a bad person, and even if it did, Scott is ALLOWED to be bad! GO FOR IT.

Except that he is sinless. It isn't that he learns from the bad things he does, it's that they aren't treated like bad things in the first place. Because Scott did it, and Scott always does the right thing.

Derek's behavior is reprehensible at times, but the show ADMITS that and frames it as bad. Frames it as him doing a bad thing when he scares Isaac or throws Peter or tells Erica who to date. And that's fine, because Derek is established as not being morally pure.

But SCOTT IS. And because they were so desperate to make him continue being "Pure" they didn't frame the things he did as wrong, or if they did, they absolved him of it immediately, using the exact same reasoning that works for Derek's situations, but this time Actually Accepting it.

He scares Stiles, well it's because he's scared. He throws Isaac, it's because he's upset. He attacks Jackson well it's because Jackson was being a dick. He orders Allison to date Matt, well he had a goal to accomplish. Every reason is treated like a fucking doctor's note that erases the bad things he does.

Being scared, or angry, or retaliating to someone being an asshole, or trying to protect himself, was NEVER a good enough reason for Derek to do ANYTHING "Bad." It was never an acceptable excuse.

IF IT WERE: If the show were making a statement about how fallable people are, how they do bad things, but they do them for a REASON. How people will do wild and terrible things out of fear, and how that doesn't make it less bad, but it makes it understandable, so don't demonize them out of nowhere. If that were the case, I would HAVE BEEN FINE WITH IT.

Scott is held to COMPLETELY different standards than everyone else in the show! And I DON'T mean that people held him to higher ones. They dropped that bar so fucking low. Anything was allowed, and any excuse was good enough.

He made out with a girl who was dating someone else, who his best friend was in love with? It's just the full moon, he's angsty about losing Allison. He ducttapes Liam to a bathtub and starts throwing random phrases at him that he hated Derek for saying to him? He's freaked out! He doesn't know what to do with a bitten wolf! It was an accident! He works with a mass murderer behind people's backs without telling them the whole story? Am I talking about Gerard or Deucalion? Who fucking knows. Either way, it's okay, because he was protecting his family. He plots to murder a cancer patient slowly and painfully by replacing meds that likely included painkillers with mountain ash, and the uses someone else's body to deliver the killing blow, and it's okay because he was just being smart! He was just working ten steps ahead! He was saving his mom and the whole town! Who cares if it DIDN"T WORK?

He walks into his ex-girlfriend's hotel room and scares the SHIT out of her while she's naked and alone in the shower? It was the wolfsbane. It doesn't matter that no one else's impulses included HARASSING someone. He lies to his girlfriend's face about her own life because he doesn't think it's important enough for her to know (who am I talking about, come on, take a guess, which one is it? Allison or Kira? Trick question: it's both). He was just being kind! He didn't want to worry her! He didn't want to make her feel bad! She didn't need to know!

I'm so far off track it's not even funny. My point was that Everything the other characters in the show are demonized for or framed as evil or bad or wrong for doing, Scott is shown to do and it's treated like at minimum a comedy, if not a Perfect Brilliant Strategic Move.

God, fucking hell. I mean, the PARALLELS you see in this show, between Scott and others. The scene of Alexander Argent going to the hotel after being bit? That bit where he pulls his shirt up in the mirror? It's a near PERFECT replica of Scott looking at his bite at Deaton's. They paralleled SCOTT MCCALL with AN ARGENT. Deaton has this whole line in S2 where he's bitching at Derek about "the person you should trust the most doesn't trust you at all" And then seasons later, we have Scott look his best friend in the eye and refuse to trust him, only to get upset later because Stiles doesn't want to work with him anymore and he "lost them." Scott goes running into Derek's house in S1 to accuse him of killing the bus driver, and when he can't get a real response, he EGGS HIM ON by accusing him of Murdering his SISTER, just to get Derek to react. Which is the EXACT same thing Kate did when she showed up and wanted Derek to lose his temper. Scott is CONSTANTLY paralleled with villains and assholes, and constantly does the things that others are persecuted for. But instead of feeling regret or learning something from it, instead of growing AT ALL. Those actions are treated as good. We are told they are righteous. And clever. That they are what heroes do. AND YES: There are parallels between Derek and Stiles' behaviors and villains/morally grey characters! Of course there are!

BUT THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THE TRUE ALPHA MAIN CHARACTER. SCOTT IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD GUY. HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MIMIC/EMULATE THE VILLAINS, AND HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE REWARDED WHEN HE DOES IT ANYWAY.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I understand the urge to think that the Teen Wolf writers did all of this on purpose. That they built Scott up as an unreliable narrator, so that we're forced to come to terms with a protagonist who isn't good, and we watch them fall into a villainous role while thinking all the while they are a hero. That all these parallels are intentional and the writers just couldn't Tell us what was going on bc they didn't have enough power.

And sometimes I play into it. I will lie to myself about Scott being the 'narrator' of the entire show, and that we're seeing it all through his eyes so of course things are biased and conflicting, just so I can actually Enjoy watching it.

But I think it's absolute bullshit that this was done on purpose. It wasn't. The parallels appeared because they Wanted Scott to do the badass things that they had all the villains doing, throwing people and being sneaky and clever, and stopping the bad guy, and they didn't want to deal with the fact that they were having him do bad things. So they just pretended he wasn't and refused to acknowledge that they'd already punished other people for doing the same exact shit, but somehow Scott was getting rewarded. They wanted Scott to be the hero, so they made him the hero, and screw everybody else.

#personal #anti-Scott McCall #go for it #love mail #meta ramblings #rant #long post #WHERE IS THE READ MORE BUTTON HALP

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wickedpact · 4 years

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dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)

Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact

background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare

my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)

long post under cut

A. The Description Matches

when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”

As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........ late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:

B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married

it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)

Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?

(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)

Like.

1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and

2.) the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:

C. The Rival (aka. Joe)

shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses

So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,

(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)

He then goes on to say

And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:

(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))

So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that

That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.

shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.

(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)

(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)

Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says

Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.

(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)

[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]

And then another example in #86

Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?

Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?

(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ‘the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)

Which brings me to,

D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth

shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago’ from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:

Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;

(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)

Which again brings me to,

E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:

1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,

For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me:

(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)

so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:

2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,

For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’

and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.

F. The last One

Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest.

(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)

The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.

TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise

#IS THIS GETTING TAGGED? YES #nicolo di genova #joe x nicky #my_essays #the fair youth saga

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howisavedtheworld · 3 years

Text

enough | hanamaki takahiro

genre: heavy angst to fluff, a *lil* bittersweet lmao, timeskip!hanamaki takahiro x fem!reader/gn!reader, established relationship

warnings pls pls read: money problems, cursing littered in a lot of places, mentions of feelings like depression, exhaustion, loneliness, crying, etc., blood mentioned *once* (it’s from a callus, it is nothing extreme but i want to state it explicitly anyways) if there’s anything else brought to my attention ill fix accordingly

a/n: hi!!!! it’s been like two weeks since i’ve posted, i’ve been in a slump, but i’m going to genuinely try to be more consistent and kind to myself abt wat i create! also every thing i’ve ever written on here is ib my personal experiences

heads up tho, i havent read the manga and this is just my dramatized take on his life post-time skip and certain things may be inaccurate

enjoy!

also proofread at 4 am lol

wc: 1385

PLS GIVE THIS FIC A CHANCE ITS NOT ALL SAD I PROMISE

if hanamaki takahiro were to say he’s “tired,” one would deem it a grave understatement.

he’s not just tired.

he’s drained.

for starters, he’s worked three back to back shifts and it was barely reaching wednesday. monday at the deli was tough, considering he spent twelve straight hours packaging and stocking prosciutto and mozzarella sandwiches and arranging bags of kettle-cooked chips by flavor across the aisles of the store.

tuesday was even harder, the double shift at the restaurant hitting his already fatigued body like a brick. it was tiring enough to run around speedily clearing dishes and wiping down tables for six hours but it was absolute overkill to then spend the entire night cleaning the restaurant and prepping it for the morning crew.

6:39 am.

that was when takahiro finally left the restaurant, forcing his sluggish sore limbs to make the trek to the train station for the long ride back home.

in truth, the word “tired” barely even scratched the surface.

but he needed the money.

he needed it badly.

bills were always lingering on the brim of takahiro’s mind: the rent, the light bill, the water, the electricity. it left with him the constant urge to move, to work, to always be on the lookout for his next paycheck.

and of course, this wasn’t the best arrangement nor was it the life he’d hoped for.

of course, regret encompassed him, bound itself to his very being.

he wished he went pro after his glory days at aoba johsai, that he’d tried a little harder to be something. maybe then he’d have the opportunity to play in argentina, to travel the world, or to get signed by a sports brand just for the sake of it.

of course, he always felt a pang of jealousy for the ones that made it big.

even the ones who didn’t.

the ones with stable incomes, who could sustain themselves with only one job, who owned compact sized cars, who could actually save a single dime with hopes of eventually going on vacation.

deep down, he was jealous of them, too.

and he wondered, as he finally stepped foot on the train heading north, feeling the ache in his heels settle, if this would ever feel like enough.

if working two jobs back to back would ever amount to any feeling of satisfaction, if it was okay that he would only ever be remembered as the guy who didn’t go pro, who never got his degree, who was barely getting by.

he really didn’t think so.

because how could it be enough?

how could he have nothing to show for the life he lived?

sometimes, takahiro felt almost as if he was cursed. that life had dealt him the worst of cards just to see him crack underneath the pressure.

a lot of times, he did.

he had his fair share of low moments: the time he found himself shedding tears in the back of the deli, hiding behind loaves of rye bread and cold cuts hoping nobody would catch him.

or the time he bandaged his own bleeding foot by himself at the restaurant because his calluses broke open and everyone else was simply too busy to help.

in these moments, hanamaki felt so alone.

as if the world had forgotten him, had continued to spin on its axis, leaving him alone to figure out its rotation.

in these moments, he really just wanted to run away from it all.

to quit his jobs and just disappear for some time.

but he couldn’t.

because hanamaki takahiro had also learned that in every shitty day or moment, there was a flip side.

there had to be a sliver of hope in the midst of darkness.

7:32 am.

that was when hanamaki got home.

he stood for a moment, fumbling with various receipts and trinkets in his pocket before he finding his keys and opening the door.

it was quiet.

he could only hear the whirr of the shaky air conditioner and the hum of morning birds outside the bay windows of the living room. he took one step inside, wincing at the ache in his legs and sharp jab of pain up his spine.

locking the door behind him, he slipped off his shoes before the silence was broken.

“baby?” your soft sleepy voice rang through the apartment, making his body jump.

he was sure you’d be sleeping by now.

“hey, babe.” he let out a exhale of relief that you were the source of noise. “sorry if i woke you.”

you sat up from your position laying on the couch, shaking your head incessantly while wiping the grog from your eyes.

“no,” you quickly spoke. “i was waiting for you.”

his heart skipped a beat looking at you, your eyes half-lidded from exhaustion with dark circles underneath them, your hair completely disheveled from your awkward sleeping position on the couch, and you wore his old seijoh jersey that was too large and slipped down your shoulders, the hem falling just above your knees.

you looked at him, offering a soft smile before beckoning him over to you. “work must’ve fucking sucked, c’mere.”

and you were so right.

it was awful.

he took lengthy strides over to you before dropping onto the couch, his head finding its way to your lap.

your fingers instinctively reached to stroke his soft locks and he sighed, leaning into your touch.

“are you hungry?” you murmured. “i made udon earlier. it’s cold now so you’ll have to warm it up.”

he was hungry, desperately so after not having a moment to get even a small snack in at work, but he wanted to stay here for just a little longer, pressed into you, feeling the pads of your fingers against his scalp, smelling your conditioner and listening to the softness of your voice.

he shook his head, and you laughed, knowingly nodding. “okay, you can eat it later.”

“how was work for you?” he questioned, eyes fluttering closed at serenity of the moment.

you hummed, fingers still locked into his hair. “shitty. you know, usual bullshit with customers. but i think with my next paycheck, we’ll make the rent.”

his eyes snapped open to look up at you, and you were staring down at him, an excited smile on your face when you locked eyes.

and takahiro knew you had hopes and dreams, that you wanted to go back to school and get your degree and have a normal job, and eventually buy a house and car, and maybe have kids, but you always said that part wearily, claiming you both should start off the family off with a pet first.

he knew you wanted something different. you’d told him.

but even now, in this moment as he stared up at you, saddened by the fact that the future you hoped for was nowhere in sight, there was no inkling of disappointment in your eyes, no what-if, no questioning of if it was enough.

you looked at him like the life you had was all you’d ever asked for.

as if of course it was enough.

before he knew it, a single tear rolled down his cheek.

your eyes widened and you moved a hand to his cheek, wiping the tear away.

“i love you.” he stated, a few more lone tears sliding down his face.

your face softened before you squeezed his cheek with your hand.

“hey.” you beckoned him to sit up.

he followed, sitting up to face your frame on the couch. “don’t cry ‘cus we made the rent. there’s always other bills you can pay. if that’s what you’re worried about.”

and he laughed, nodding while tears spilled over his irises and he watched you through bleary eyes, wipe each one away and pull him into an embrace.

“i love you. you know that, right? i’ll always love you.”

hanamaki takahiro realized that in this lifetime, he doesn’t need a sports deal, or a compact car, or trips to argentina. even if life were to always be this hard, if he was always teetering on the in-between, if this was all the universe had to offer him, that was okay.

because it had granted him you.

and you, alone, were more than enough.

#hanamaki takahiro x reader #hanamaki takahiro fluff #hanamaki takahiro angst #haikyuu! x reader #hanamaki fluff #hanamaki angst #no bc its almost 5 am and im working tmrw

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yrbutchgf · 3 years

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hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

#asks #anonymous #butch/femme #butch tag #butch #femme #lesbiandaemon #sorry if you were looking for a more down-to-earth sort of list of tips but i have a lot of feelings about feelings LOL #also thank you again thren for letting me quote you! having a femme's perspective in there i think really enriches this and also you just.#put it so well ik i said this yesterday but it really was beautifully put

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