So I finally finished that other wip 😭

hi, i think i’m the anon from earlier more so meant the people looking up explicit mlm fics don’t see their own hypocrisy in complaining about lesbian fetishisation?

idk. as an mlm myself i think some marauders fics revolving around mlm relationships are heavily sexualised for authors that, yes are queer, but don’t identify as men. and there’s absolutely no problem with writing queer smut, i want to make that very clear. but it’s when it becomes something that is done in every chapter and so explicit despite the fact that the author would have never experienced that type of sexual relationship.

and these fics are more so consumed by women. again, no harm in that. but you have to ask why they’re specifically looking for explicit mlm fics.

i more so see this type of behaviour on tiktok, specifically regarding sweater weather (me and a lot of my mlm mutual found it very uncomfortable to read) and it’s a very popular fic.

anyways, i agree that queer sex shouldn’t be a taboo topic but i think there should be boundaries or lines (whether they be messy or not) drawn on who can consume that media. there’s no harm in explicit queer smut but i think it becomes problematic when it is written by and read by cis women.

men consuming lesbian smut and porn is uncomfortable and disgusting, i think the same opinions should be applied when women do the same to explicit gay media.

i also want to outline this is not an attack towards you or anyone else, it’s simply my opinion, i can be quite blunt in my delivery but i promise there’s no malice in this.

much love :)

hi! i appreciate the clarification and i appreciate the desire to engage in a conversation about this. i don't think you were too blunt or harsh, and i am also sending you much love! there's a lot to unpack here, so i'm gonna go ahead and respond as best i can, bearing in mind that i think our opinions on this topic might just differ.

so, this is me wading into the weeds on the fetishization conversation. my response is gonna get long and considering the nature of the topic i'm going to be talking about sex, so if that's something you don't want to see then just keep scrolling!

ok so before i even start this conversation, a few ground rules since this is a sensitive topic -

this is a conversation. i am not presenting my thoughts here with the intention of saying that i am absolutely 100% correct or that everyone needs to think the way i do. i am also not presenting my thoughts here with the intent of engaging in any sort of debate or argument. this is a subject on which my own thoughts have changed and could change again, and i value perspectives and opinions different from my own that challenge me to consider why i think the way i do. so if you've read this far - please only continue to read if you are capable of engaging with this post as a conversation. thanks!

i am only speaking about the marauders fandom here. everything i say is being said within that scope. that is because it is the only fandom space that i am plugged into. what i say here may not apply in other fandoms, and it may not apply to fanfiction as a whole in broad, sweeping terms. that is because i am only talking about the marauders fandom

everything i say here is being said with the premise that i do not think either gender or sexuality are fixed, inherent identities. this is part of my own personal worldview, and it is not something that everyone will agree with. if anyone is curious about why i think that way, i'm happy to explain further - but i won't right now, because that's not the purpose of this post. suffice it to say that if you disagree with that premise, you may disagree with a lot of the thoughts building off of it, but what matters is that we are all operating from the same premise for the purposes of this post. and since it's my post, i get to choose the premise! fun :)

i am defining "fetishization" as used in this essay as the reduction of someone's sexuality to a sex object; essentially, viewing homosexuality as nothing more than a means by which to get off, rather than a complex experience and identity.

okay if you've made it through the ground rules and are still here, great! let's get into it. first, anon, i'm going to try to summarize your point - if i'm misinterpreting or misconstruing anything, please let me know! but from what i understand right now, the gist of what you're saying is:

it's uncomfortable/problematic when cis women read and write highly explicit/graphic sexual content about mlm because they themselves would never/have never experienced those types sexual relationships

and your final sort of "conclusion" seems to be this part:

"...there should be boundaries or lines (whether they be messy or not) drawn on who can consume that media."

so bear with me, but i essentially want to push back a little and ask some questions about assumptions that might be underlying that viewpoint. again, i'm not trying to argue or debate; i am not saying that this opinion is wrong and you shouldn't have it. i'm just saying hey! i don't entirely agree, but your points challenged me to think about why, so let's talk about it!

first, i want to do a little thought experiment. you draw this conclusion that you think there do need to be some boundaries and lines, and the boundary you seem to be suggesting is that "the author would have never experienced that type of sexual relationship." so, let's run with that - let's say that writers should only write about the types of sexual relationships they've experienced.

i'm a lesbian. i've written about two gay men having sex. does that create the same discomfort?

"well, rae," you might say, "obviously not. obviously you aren't fetishizing gay men. you're gay, too! you understand homosexuality, and it isn't just a fetish to you."

ok! cool. lesbians get the green card to write about gay sex. awesome, love that for us. what about a bisexual woman?

now here, this conversation can go one of two ways. either you say - yeah, of course, any queer person can write about queer sex. in which case i say - cool! sounds good. from what i've seen, the majority of sexual content in the marauders fandom is queer people writing about queer sex, so this whole conversation about fetishization just doesn't really seem like an issue here to me.

OR you say no, that's where i'm drawing the line, because bi women experience attraction to men, which means that if they write about men having graphic sex with each other they are reducing those men to sex objects. to which i just kind of say...really? like, are you sure?

you use the fic sweater weather as an example. and i have read that fic, although it's been a while, so it's not entirely fresh in my mind, and i also do not know anything about the writer's gender, sexuality, or the types of sex they may or may not have had. based on your ask, it seems like the writer is a woman, which, ok. trusting u on that one. you said that the explicit sexual content made you and some of your mlm friends uncomfortable when you read it, and my very first initial thought to that is - then why did you read it?

like, the thing about fanfic is that nobody has to read it. and even if it's popular, there's nobody profiting off of it. i actually went to check in ao3, and sweater weather is not only tagged as "Explicit," but it also contains the tags, "smut," "sexual content," "blow jobs," "anal sex," and "semi-public sex," which means that before even reading the first sentence, you would have known to expect all of that explicit sexual content. so right off the bat, if that type of explicit sexual content makes you uncomfortable, i am genuinely asking from a place of confusion: why read it? or if you thought it wouldn't make you uncomfortable but then you got to it and it did, why keep reading? why not simply close the fic?

regardless, we have both read that fic, and although like i said, it's been a while, and it's not exactly fresh in my mind, i personally did not come away from it thinking that the explicit sexual content was fetishizing. we may just have a difference of opinion here, and obviously we're going to have different perspectives, so maybe this is just something that i need explained a bit more to me to understand (and i would value the input of any gay men/mlm who would like to talk to me about this!). but from what i remember, there's a lot more to the story than just the sexual content, the characters are fleshed out beyond their sexualities, and the sexual content was actually relevant in the context of the broader story being told in the ways that it deepened the characters' relationship, explored the ways in which they related to each other, and was situated in a larger story involving homophobia amidst hockey culture. at the end of the day, i just didn't get the sense that the writer was reducing gay men to nothing more than sexual objects.

and so this might be getting back into that limit you set earlier - "the author would have never experienced that type of sexual relationship." like, currently, that seems to be your baseline for fetishization - that if an author has never experienced a certain type of sexual relationship, they cannot write about it without reducing it to an object of fetish. but the reason that i just can't get behind this is that at the end of the day, you have no way of knowing what kinds of sexual relationships a writer has or has not engaged in, because a person's gender and sexuality tells you nothing about what kind of sex they have. identity can change over time, and just because someone identifies a certain way now doesn't mean they always have. something that was interesting to me about your ask is later on when you specify, "there’s no harm in explicit queer smut but i think it becomes problematic when it is written by and read by cis women." the specification on cis women here interests me simply because...cis women can have queer sex. additionally, i want to challenge you to pause and think about why you're placing trans and cis women in different categories here. what assumptions might you be making about the types of sexual relationships trans women and cis women have, and why might those assumptions lead you decide that one type of woman is more qualified to write about certain sexual experiences than another? again, i will reiterate: a person's gender and sexuality does not actually give you any information about the types of sexual relationships they have had, are having, or may have in the future. this is why i think "only write about sexual relationships you have had" is an impossible boundary to set.

furthermore, i actually think that fanfiction should be a safe space for people to explore types of sexual relationships they maybe haven't had! gender and sexuality are not static or fixed; they are identities that can change throughout a person's life, and they are identities that i think people should be encouraged to explore. a cis woman writing or reading about gay sex may be exploring some things about her own gender and sexuality, and because of the nature of fanfiction (outside the profit economy, tagging system that helps protect people from being forced to see things they don't want to see, etc) i actually think it should remain a safe space for her to do that.

and so here you might say -- ok rae, i'm with you on most of this, but surely there must be some aspect of fetishization going on? why else would explicit mlm fics be so wildly popular when explicit wlw fics are not? and the thing is, i've talked about that question at length in this post, so i'm not gonna say it all again -- but essentially, i think a lot of it has to do with the ways in which people taught to be women are systematically alienated from their own bodies and desires, making it easier to explore sexual desire through the medium of fictional men.

so like...when you say "you have to ask why they’re specifically looking for explicit mlm fics." there's a lot of possible answers to this question! maybe they're questioning their own gender or sexuality. maybe they have some complicated internalized feelings surrounding their own sexual desire that make it easier to read something the feels a few steps removed. maybe they're curious about a type of sex they've never had before. or maybe they are just reading it to get off--and we might have a difference of opinion here, but i do not think that that in and of itself is problematic, because there is a difference between "somebody gets off to x thing" and "somebody views x thing exclusively as material for getting off." one is fetishization, the other is just...human sexual desire.

and the thing is, there is no way to know the reasons behind why every single person who is reading mlm fic is reading it. there is no line you can draw in the sand that will ensure everyone is always reading it for "the right reasons" without in some way excluding queer people from access to what should be a safe space to explore sex and sexuality. and that's why i tend to be wary anytime i see these conversations about fetishization popping up within the marauders fandom.

one last thing i feel the need to address: you say that "men consuming lesbian smut and porn is uncomfortable and disgusting, i think the same opinions should be applied when women do the same to explicit gay media." and i'm going to disagree with you here, for a number of reasons.

we're not talking porn as a whole (or at least, i'm not). we're talking about fanfiction, which is a unqiue form of media and should be treated as its own thing.

i agree that all fetishization is bad, but the fetishization of lesbians by men versus the fetishization of gay men by women are two entirely different situations. like. the power dynamics at play are very different, and the ways each group is affected looks different, and the ways in which that fetishization happens look different and just...idk, this feels like a simplification of a much more nuanced conversation that i do not have time to get into right now.

WITHIN this conversation we're having about marauders fanfiction and explicit sexual content there though - i actually do not agree that men consuming explicit sexual content about lesbians is always going to be uncomfortable and disgusting. in fact, within the context of marauders fic, i'd say that everything i've already said about women consuming mlm content could probably be applied to men consuming wlw content. like...i don't mind if men are reading and enjoying my lesbian sex scenes. obviously i don't want anyone fetishizing them, but i sincerely doubt that that's what's happening in a majority-queer space like the marauders fandom--if there are men reading and enjoying the sex scenes i write, i think it's far more likely that they are probably finding some common ground in our shared queerness. and even if there is a cishet man out there reading my work -- i don't mind him engaging with a portrayal of lesbian sexuality, and maybe it's even a good thing for him to venture outside the heteronormative bubble and get an idea of what queer sex looks like to queer people. is it a risk that someone might read it and fetishize it? sure. but lesbians are going to be fetishized no matter what boundaries i try to set, so i would rather my work remain a safe space for queer people of any identity than try to cherry pick who can and cannot read it. also, i have read fic with lesbian sex that was not written by lesbians or wlw, and was still done well, and was still not fetishizing. at the end of the day, it's the actual content that matters to me, and not the identity of the writer. obviously, the identity of the writer will inform their content to a certain extent, but that doesn't mean writers should only be limited to writing experiences that they personally have had. especially in fanfic, which i view as a safe space for exploration.

anyway, as i warned at the beginning, this got very long, but i wanted to take the time to flesh out my thoughts and really address the points you were making. hopefully this provides some food for thought on the conversation about fetishization within the marauders fandom, and hopefully it helps to explain why i'm wary of trying to create boundaries around who does or doesn't have a right to read or write certain types of fanfiction!

much love <3

little rant because i just feel Blah right now.

don’t read if you don’t feel like hearing about my drama and “mental anguish”.

y’all may or may not know this, but i came out to my parents about five years ago after a brief stint in the hospital. i wrote them letters. (because my father lived in another city at the time, i mailed his to him.) what you definitely know, or at least could figure out, is that they are incredibly christian and decidedly not pro-queer, even if they’ve never been outright violent in their bigotry.

i had conversations with both of them after they read the letters; most explaining how i felt and what was going on with me. it was vulnerable, honest, and a very dumb choice. naturally, both of them grilled me with questions, even after i’d laid my soul (at the time) bare.

suffice it to say, when i told them the name i wanted to go by at the time, neither of them agreed, and kept calling me my birth name and “she/her” without so much as a care. when i said i’d wanted a binder, they’d outright refused, so i took matters into my own hands and bought one (years later). it was a little gc2b one, the racerback kind that really looked like a sports bra.

i felt accomplished to have that thing when it had arrived, like i was finally taking a step towards enjoying my life. the only problem? it was too small. i had to send it back.

i’d tried, but my mother intercepted it (i was trying to use a previously used envelope, which apparently was a bad call. granted, i was really young at the time and didn’t know you couldn’t do that.)

she figured out i got one of those “flat bra things” because i’d (mistakenly) drawn her a picture of one in my letter, believing that she’d kindly help me get one. when the replacement one arrived, i had to immediately surrender it to her, and i never saw it again. i miss it every day.

fast forward to the present day. yesterday, in fact. i bit the bullet and recently got a replacement for my long lost binder (that i’m 100% sure was thrown away) but got it sent to a friend’s house this time. i found out it was delivered saturday while i was out of town. i haven’t gone to get it yet.

yesterday night, around 11, i was made aware of the fact that someone i grew up with changed their name to a more masculine one. now, they’ve been masc (in appearance) for a while, so i had no feelings about it except “good for them!” because that’s how i honestly feel. i’m glad they have the resources and (hopefully) support to do that.

but i can’t lie. another, uglier, feeling was settled deep in my spirit. how come they got all this support (not from my mom, who no doubt has already gone on several rants to her sisters and mother, despite the fact that they only know this person tangentially) when i was stuck having to sneak around and only be myself on the internet? i come people around them were at least marginally supportive, even if they didn’t have a complete understanding or just didn’t care? why am i not allowed to be independent?

and i know other people have it considerably worse, but this is right at my doorstep. to say that i wish i could be that person at this moment is an understatement. not even for the name change; just so i could feel what it was like to be able to express myself and explore my identity freely.

and obviously i dont know the whole story, it could be much worse for them behind the scenes. but that still doesn’t stop me from feeling bitter and envious. not particularly at them, but in a way that cuts back at me and everyone i know.

i’m 99% sure i was outed to family members, even though i expressly said i didn’t want that. but of course, nobody cares enough to treat me differently. so i live in mildly uncomfortable silence.

regardless. i’m happy for them. i am. but this is another in a long line of people who are honestly doing way better at the “growing up” thing than me. and it stings.

Chapter 19- Part 12

Hopefully this thing is slower than Crater…

It certainly helps when Earth Power gets a critical hit.

And now, the final Pokémon…I think Crater can handle this just fine.

I’ll have her use Amnesia first and foremost in case it tries to do any Ominous Wind shenanigans or anything else involving special attacks.

HUH? Why did Pluck do so much!? Crater’s regular defenses aren’t even that bad!

Okay, okay, maybe- if I just heal her up, maybe it’ll use a different move, and then-

Nope, spoiler alert, he’s still spamming Pluck and it’s still doing more than half Crater’s health. She’ll never be able to attack at this rate…I think I need to sacrifice someone so I can heal her, then cleanly switch her back in. 

To that end, who can most easily take Pluck…maybe Kirin? But can she survive that with the Poison damage…?

OH, SHE DOES!! The HP takes, and it gives! This is perfect!!

As for what to heal Crater with…well, using a Super Potion is kinda useless, because Pluck takes out half her HP even when she’s at full, so there’s no use getting her back to 100%, I just need her above half. So…a Fresh Water should suffice.

And now that she has a chance to exist again…let’s see what Lava Plume can do!

That…did not do as much as I would have liked. Technically, Crater could take it down with another Lava Plume, but she’d need to be faster, and she’s…well, not. The only way this ends well is if Quick Claw activates, but that’s hardly reliable. But…even if she goes down, I’m sure I can find another way to win this, right…? When it’s already at half HP…?

WHAT!? FINALLY, THE QUICK CLAW PROCS AT A CONVENIENT TIME!! The Lava Plume goes through, Crater just wanted it more!!

I DON’T EVEN CARE WHAT HE’S CALLING XERA, THAT WAS BATTLE I SHOULD NOT HAVE WON, BUT I DID ANYWAYS AND I’M HAPPY ABOUT IT!!

I mean- in a way, I guess he’s not wrong, not to mention that win was entirely luck-based.

Oooh, he’s got full-on ambitions for being the Champion, huh? ...Wait, why am I surprised by that? Why else would people challenge the Pokémon League?

Man’s really trying to channel his inner Gary Oak, huh-

Wow, I think this is the most genuine rage Victoria has shown this entire time- it’s neat! I’m not surprised, though, I guess Fern just has that effect on people.

Previous

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100% Kingdom Hearts 1 (Day 2)

Current Targets: Speedster Unchanging Armor Undefeated

It took some waffling around to remind myself the whole needing to return to Traverse Town to let Cid install the navigation Gummi so I wound up tickling Cerberus in the Colosseum. But I finally made it to the land of Aladdin and I’m starting to really feel the lack of power in the starting equipment to the point that I’m running from fights when I can.

I continued to push as much as I could and ran directly into the final Jafar fight and discovered my first death. I was assured that loading the game would suffice and I wouldn’t invalidate the Undefeated achievement. This is when I discovered to my horror, my save was from Deep Jungle before I did just about everything.

I curled into a small ball and took a few deep breaths as pain entered my body. But the bright side was all the wandering around meant I could shorten my time and give myself potentially precious minutes on the speed run. I sped as speedily as my thumbs dared, skipping over levels in favor of giving myself as much spare time as I want.

After I slapped Jafar for acting the mickey, I took a stroll over to get deep throated by a whale. Within I found a man obsessed with his little wooden boy and a lot of cases of indigestion. Monstro was fortunately not difficult to overcome outside of Goofy and Donald getting roflstomped at every corner. We made it past and finally came to Halloween Town.

Finally, some delicious fucking food. I loved this place as a kid and as an adult, I still really enjoy it. I think everyone’s Halloween forms are adorable and the whole aesthetic of the place is wonderful. Frankly I’m still surprised this made it into the game despite being neither a Final Fantasy nor a Disney production. Perhaps Sony owns it? I was never clear on this part. I was just happy to have this portion of my childhood here.

The lack of upgrades that I can equip, however, is making this quite the grind. I’m very nervous for Hollow Bastion and End of the World. There is one thing here in Halloween Town that is twisting my nips. I have to clear rooms often to get to the next portion of an area due to the fact that there are no doors in some areas and instead an intractable object that gets to you to the next location.

On a normal playthrough, whatever, you ding some heartless and you’re laughing; however in this playthrough I’m using a pool noodle to fight God so it’s difficult to get those places cleared up and making this portion of the run grind. I’ve come too far, however, to give up and stand around for 100 hours. We’re making decent time.

I finally cracked the world and defeated Boogie after dying to the roulette table bit and his illegitimate children. It was at this point I continued forward only to wrap all the way around to Atlantica. I noped the hell out of there though and saw that Neverland wasn’t showing up for some reason. I took the trip between Atlantica and Halloween Town again and found that nothing happened.

I was baffled. Surely I didn’t have to do anything in Atlantica. I pleaded on my hands and knees. That’s when I read that Hook’s Ship (which takes you to Neverland) has a 30% chance of appearing if you only complete either Halloween Town or Atlantica and 100% if you complete both. I did the only thing I could do at this point.

I traveled back and forth between the two places because there’s no fucking way I’m dicking around unda da sea where the controls are at their worse. On the fifth try Hook decided to snatch me up and put me in jail. I fought my way to my first save and decided that was enough for the day. I’d pick this up later after I’d had enough alcohol to deal with the further horrors.

Completed 8 of 56: From Rags to Riches Magic Lamp Honest Soul Pumpkin Prince Flying Ace

Calibrate microphone fuzzmeasure

CALIBRATE MICROPHONE FUZZMEASURE HOW TO

CALIBRATE MICROPHONE FUZZMEASURE SOFTWARE

CALIBRATE MICROPHONE FUZZMEASURE DOWNLOAD

Perhaps there was some object in the room, close to the left speaker, that has a natural resonance at 41.9 Hz? Maybe you could post pictures of the room exactly as it was when you took those measurements. It's also much larger on the left speaker and hardly there at all on the right, so I'd guess it is something physical in the room that is resonating, not a room mode. However, the second big peak is 41.9 Hz in REW, but your second axial mode (0.1.0, width) is predicted to be at 48.4 Hz., so that doesn't match at all. which is length) at 36.2 Hz, Looks like a very close match to the actual results! I'm seeing the first huge peak at 35.8 Hz in REW, which is basically a direct match. In your first post, you said: "My room is 3,56m wide, 4,76m long, 2,76m high.".

CALIBRATE MICROPHONE FUZZMEASURE HOW TO

(I'll also use Sonarworks once I'm happy with the treatment results).Īny idea on how to treat the big decay from 30Hz to 50Hz?Those are resonances, not decays. Maybe everything is normal and I just need to go ahead and hang all my acoustic panels, play with speaker placement and call it a day. I did all my measures with my duet (2008), maybe it's faulty (I calibrated it in REW, but not in Fuzzmeasure). But not all of them appear in REW (100hz for example). I get weird ringings around 35Hz, 100 and at 15k that seem to go on forever. Second problem is the waterfall in Fuzzmeasure. The fuzzmeasure one seems more coherent in my experience. The REW one seems all twisted, with a big bump in the midrange, and a big large dip in the highs. The first problem is the in the Frequency Response differences between the two softwares. I get a nasty metallic ringing when I clap my hands at the listening spot, so that confirms it. This means the clouds and wall/ceilings panels are not doing their job yet, hence the big mess in the highs in my measurements (as expected). But they are not hanging on the walls yet, just resting on the floor. I put my acoustic panel at the first reflections spots and big corners (6 GIK panels, 3 Soffit panels, 6 diy panels). I put the mic at 38% of the length from the front wall (figured I'd start here and move the speakers first) My speakers are almost touching the front wall (see beautiful sketch I did) Maybe you guys can help me make sense of it? I just moved to a new room and I get different measurements when I use Fuzzmeasure and REW.

CALIBRATE MICROPHONE FUZZMEASURE SOFTWARE

(v) (Or) buy a Mac based bit of test software like Fuzz Measure. (iv) Alternately, run Windows under BootCamp or Parallels & then use the Windows version of REW.

CALIBRATE MICROPHONE FUZZMEASURE DOWNLOAD

(iii) Download "Soundflower" and challenge yourself ( to learn ) how to manipulate SoundFlower's virtual routing capabilities ( others have reported success in using it to route signals to & from REW ). It acts as an "All-In-One" mic/soundcard. (ii) Buy a USB based ( calibrated ) test mic ( such as the UMIK-1 from miniDSP ). your favorite studio condensor mic will likely not suffice as a test mic. (i) Buy a 2-chnl ( only ) USB based soundcard ( along with a calibrated test mic / & so you know , Remember, this is still "free software" ( with all the accompanying warts ). Click to expand.- There's no official Java "fix" from Oracle ( that I know about ) & more grist for the mill, REW's author does not currently own the latest Mac hardware to test out all the various permutations & combinations between hardware & software.

HC: They see MC’s sketchbook!

Art. It’s a private thing. Showing someone your work is akin to showing them a piece of your soul, an insight into who you are and everything that lies within. So when the Obey Me! boys get a glimpse of your sketchbook, they find themselves wanting for more—and all in different ways.

Word Count: 6.0k

*Mild NSFW themes for Asmo & Diavolo

Characters: All Brothers + All Undateables + Luke

MASTERLIST

Lucifer

At the beginning of the year, there is 0 trust between the two of you

Not only has he actively tried to kill you, but he’s already so suspicious of the pacts you’re making with his brothers that he can’t help but be wary every time you cross paths

So when he realizes that you’re always absentmindedly scribbling in a notepad every time you interact, he’s more than a little perturbed by it

100% thinks you’re secretly taking notes on his and his brothers’ behavior to use it against them

So, obviously, when he next sees you using it in his presence, he wastes no time in snatching the notebook from your hands

“Oh hey, Lucif—what are you doing?!”

“Nothing you should be concerned with, human.”

“That’s my sketchbook you’re holding!”

“Sketchbook?”

Instantly flips it open and sure enough, inside there’s nothing but doodles and sketches

luci.is.confuzzled.exe

He’s still convinced that there must be something incriminating in the book, so he continues flipping through it. But the more he sees, the more he realizes how wrong he is

It’s only when he flips to the section with his family that he begins to feel guilty

In the beginning, you just draw basic poses. Mammon, glancing at you over his shoulder. Asmo, posing for a camera. Beel, about to bite down on a hamburger. 

But the further he goes, the more elaborate the sketches get, and as he flips through the pages, he can feel the amount of work that has gone into each piece

And then he gets to the page where you drew him

Keep it lowkey, but he thinks his heart stopped for a second

He stares at the picture and wonders if that’s what you see every time he shifts into his demon form, because for the first time since his fall, he can’t help but think about how beautiful he looks. Everything looks so right in your art style, from the diamond on his forehead to the way his wings flutter out of his back.

It’s perfection

“I’m confiscating this,” He says quickly, not looking you in the eye.

He then escapes the room faster than you’ve ever seen, and never speaks of the incident again to you

But roughly a week later, you find a small red book on your pillow, and you know that it's a sketchbook from him, to replace the one he took

And even later—after the two of you grow close—you find your old sketchbook stored in his most secure drawer, locked away with a key he keeps hidden. And you know that he’s spent hours looking through the book on rough nights, through the doodles of him and his brothers and everything else you’ve ever drawn

And though he’s too proud to admit it, you know he loves your art 

Mammon

He found it when he was going through your stuff, absentmindedly checking to see if you had any valuables on you

And the moment he flipped open to see your little notebook of doodles, his mind went B I N G O 

He loves your art the second he sees it, spending a whole hour just sitting on your bedroom floor, flipping through the pages

Adores everything about your art style

And when he starts to see the little doodles you do of his brothers, he’s even more enraptured

You draw all the things he’s imagined but never seen: a sketch of Lucifer dressed in a onesie, snuggling a giant teddy bear. Beel, using a sleeping Belphie as a food tray for a pile of snacks as large as the sixth-born himself. Asmo with cat ears, being chased by Solomon, who appears to be a wolf.

And yet, there are no pictures of Mammon

Man is hurt by the fact that you’ve drawn all his brothers but not him. He’s your first man, after all. You should have been the first person he drew!

Gets a bit upset about it and throws your sketchbook back into the drawer he found it in, stomping back to his room with childlike indignation

Is just a bit petty about it afterward

“Hey, Mammon, can you walk me to school? Class starts in half an hour.”

“Huh? Oh, so now ya want me to do it, huh? Well, why don’t you ask Asmo instead?”

“Okay? I will???”

Soon everyone in the house has realized that Mammon’s being a bit off, and while it was nice at first to have peace and quiet from the resident troublemaker, you guys grow concerned pretty quick

And eventually, you go to his room to talk things out

Let’s just say that when you found out he’d been going through your stuff, you were not pleased. But seeing that he wasn’t going to be the mature one, you sucked it up and whacked the demon on the back of his head, telling him to “wait a second” while you went to “get something”

Cue the retrieval of your second sketchbook 

And when Mammon sees it, he’s not sure what he feels more of: guilt or happiness

Every single page in this second notebook is of him. Only a few are colored, but Mammon finds himself enraptured by even the casual doodles in the corners, where he’s doing little things like eating a banana or flashing the viewer a few Grimm

Man is touched. He’s never had anyone do this for him, and certainly not out of their own volition. So suffice it to say that when he tackled you for a hug that night, he didn’t let you go for a long time

And maybe some other stuff happened too. Who knows? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Leviathan

TSL

The second Levi sees you sketching in your artbook (after an incoherent stumble of words which you assume are synonymous with praise), the only phrase coming out of this man’s mouth is TSL

Begins begging you to draw fanart of the Shadow Lord, asking you to sketch him in different outfits, draw him in different poses, put him in various backgrounds, etc.

Basically wants you to bring his imagination to life

“Oh! Oh! Can you draw him baking a cake now? Wouldn’t that be so cool?!”

Absolutely does the wwooooooOOOOOAAAHAHHHHHHH sound effect every single time you show him your work, even if you’ve only made minor changes from the last time you showed him

He takes you on a spending spree, pulling up Akuzon and offering to pay for whatever supplies you want if you’ll just make him a super fancy poster

And so you start

It actually gets to be a pretty good way to grow closer: every day, after school, you head up to Levi’s room to work on the poster he asked you to make him. In exchange, he lets you borrow his manga and you guys watch anime together

Eventually, boi gets the idea of throwing Ruri-chan into the poster, and the second he thinks it he won’t shut up about it

“Oh, come on! You can do it—look, just put her in this little corner right here!”

“How many times do I have to tell you, Levi?! Ruri-chan and the Shadow Lord are two completely different characters who are meant to be drawn in completely different art styles! If I mush Ruri-chan into the corner, it’ll ruin the poster’s dynamic!”

“But pleeeeeaaaassseeeee?”

Cue extra pouty Levi

Eventually, you agree to make a separate drawing of Ruri-chan for Levi to hang up next to the poster, because you think that otherwise, he’ll go crazy

When the date rolls around where you’re almost done with everything, Levi formally sends out an invitation to everyone of importance

Man invites everyone from Luke to Diavolo over for the “revealing ceremony” where he plans to hang the poster on his wall

Actually tried to get the demon king to come as well, but Lucifer stopped him before he could get an invitation out

When everyone sees what you’ve been working on for so many weeks, they’re all MEGA impressed because hello??? they did not know you were this skilled???

It quickly turns into a competition, with each one of them trying to outdo each other with how vigorously they can compliment you

And soon enough you find yourself swamped with requests from every other demon in the room, begging you to make them something as elaborate as you did Levi

Satan

It’s a system you guys have set up, where every Tuesday and Thursday night, you’ll sit in the common room on the couch facing each other and will simply open your books to do what you will

You always draw, and Satan always reads

And neither will bother the other until the grandfather clock chimes twelve times, whereupon you both bid each other goodnight and wait for the next session where you do it all over

Except for today, that is

“What are you drawing?” 

Ah, there it is

The one question you were hoping Satan would never ask

You subtly (incredibly awkwardly) change the subject, commenting on the color of Satan’s jacket to distract him from his inquiry, and he picks up on the hint, quietly huffing as he turns back to his book 

But the mild irritation he feels doesn’t let him fully delve back into the realm of the nonfiction novel he was reading, so he’s more than a little distracted as he goes back to reading about human anthropology

And it’s in this state of distraction that he notices the little glances you’re stealing every so often, before returning to your sketchpad

Yeah, it doesn’t take long for Satan to put two and two together

“Are you drawing me?”

An incredulous question, asked in such an offending tone

He sounds so irate by the fact that you can’t help but helplessly deny it, muttering something about drawing plants and flowers instead

But Satan doesn’t believe it, and in an instant he’s standing behind you, staring at the sketch in your hands which has oh-so-beautifully captured the essence of him on the couch, engrossed in a book with the light from the flames in the fireplace flickering gently against his skin

The anger at being drawn without having agreed to it quickly melts into a quiet awe for your skill

“Can I see your other drawings?” He asks gently, no longer irritated but actually impressed

“I-I’m not sure if you’ll want to—”

“Nonsense. Show me.”

And so you do

You hand him the sketchbook, avoiding his eyes as he flips to the very first page—and imagine his surprise when he sees that even that is a sketch of his face, though the artwork is significantly less advanced than the piece he just saw. Satan flips to the next page, and then the next, and the next, and sure enough: they’re all of him

“I-I just needed a model to practice my artwork on,” You mumble, gaze fixated on the couch. “And you were right there, so I couldn’t resist...and then I needed a model again. And again. And you were always there, and I know I never asked, but I’m sorry, and if you don’t want me to, I won’t—“

“Nonsense,” Satan murmurs, pressing a finger to your lips. His smile has never looked as sincere as it looks now, his gaze flickering back and forth between your face and the sketchbook in his hands

“I’ll be your model, if you so desire it. Just tell me how you want me to sit.”

Asmodeus

Your model for everything

You’re trying to draw the Hulk and you a good frame of reference? And you need a really muscular model? And Beel ABSOLUTELY fits the bill? 

Yeah no, Asmo’s your model

You want to draw a child? Someone small and short, roughly the exact same height as Luke (who is an ANGEL and would absolutely help you)? Yeah no, Asmo’s still going to be your model.

Want a cute guy? Asmo. Cute girl? Asmo. Cute animal? Still Asmo.

Man refuses to leave you alone - the second he learns that you’re an artist he insists on gracing your work with the holy sight of his body

Highkey wants to model nude

And you’d be lying if you said that he was a bad model—man can hold a pose for hours without moving even a little, his only fault is that he talks incessantly—but you can easily quiet him by saying that you’re drawing his lips - and the moment you do so, he’s suddenly he’s stiller than a statue,  doing his absolute best to remain frozen so that you can capture his perfection

Boi posts 100% of your content on his Devilgram, and while you were hesitant about it at first, now you’re just used to it

Thanks to him, you’re a lowkey celebrity

Like demons love your art style 

It’s apparently very refreshing and human-like as compared to the dark and dreary art found in the Devildom, so people go wild over Asmo’s Devilgram page for it

Man thinks that they’d go even more wild if you drew something where he modeled nude

In fact, it’s lowkey a business deal that the two of you have - you allow Asmo to post your work on his Devilgram (giving credit to you, of course), and in exchange he pays for all your art supplies, acts as your model (though that’s really more of him wanting to than it being your choice), and even goes as far as to keep Mammon apart from you while you work, insisting that you need “privacy” and “quiet” while you draw

100% acts like he isn’t even more chatty than Mammon when given the chance

On the bright side, it’s thanks to these weekly art sessions where you draw and Asmo models and talks that you’re always up to date on the latest gossip. You’re 100% caught up with the fact that Zahhak just found out he has another illegitimate son and that Baphomet just liked Rusalka’s post from fourteen centuries ago

So yeah, the two of you have a mutually beneficial relationship

Asmodeus still insists that one thing would make it better though: him modeling nude

But Asmo is a sweetheart about everything, and he goes out of his way to pamper you 

Specifically, your hands—after all, those are what work your artistic magic!

Expect him to always be peppering your dominant hand with kisses, massaging it whenever you look tired, giving you weekly manicures completely free of charge, all out of the goodness of Asmo’s heart

*ahem* and weekly requests to model nude

Beelzebub

a m a z e m e n t 

Boi is entranced

Like, he’s so mesmerized by your art that he’s not even paying attention to the food sitting right in front of him, simply opting to stare more intently at the drawing you’re holding up so eagerly

It’s quite beautiful, really: The seven demon brothers surrounding you, a reworking of a photograph Lucifer took a few months ago but in your art style. And for that last fact, Beel thinks he likes this version better

“Wow,” He finally manages to say, still too impressed to really think of anything else

He lets his brothers shower you in praise and compliments, silently nodding along and agreeing with every plaudit they thrust your way

But the moment you’re alone, expect to be scooped into his arms and carried to his room

Boi instantly wants to know the process

When do you draw? How long does it take? Where do you do it? How are you getting your supplies? Who pays?

It’s not so much the physical process he’s interested in, but rather the nuances of art that make your work look so you. He’s not interested in learning for the sake of doing, but simply for the sake of understanding because he already appreciates your art so much

Absolutely invites you to his room to have you show him the art process the next time you start working on a piece

And after the first time, then, he invites you back a second - then a third - and then the two of you have settled into a routine where after school, you come to his room and pencil away in your sketchpad, with Beel watching in the background, munching on snacks

It’s quite relaxing for him, actually

He likes watching as you bring a piece together, going over previously flat areas with a second layer of shading to make certain elements pop—and even if he doesn’t completely understand what you’re doing, he’s entirely willing to learn, listening peacefully as you explain what the various tools do

By the end of the month, man has actually memorized all the names of your supplies, handing them to you every time you ask for it - be it something as simple as a request for an eraser or just the blending stump

Lowkey, your work has actually improved since you began working up in Beel’s room

Not only does he have the most comfortable setup, but the man pampers you like royalty, always making sure that there’s water or food for you in case you need something

(And if you do happen to require something that isn’t already in Beel’s room, man will 100% get it for you so that you don’t have to stop what you’re doing)

Honestly, it’s the perfect arrangement: he gives you the ideal working space and you give him hours upon hours of intrigue

And if you happen to begin sitting in his lap one day while you work, something which quickly turns into a pattern, who’s there to stop anything? ;)

Belphegor

Man naps

A lot

And you just happen to be his favorite pillow, so it’s hardly a surprise when all your free time is spent in the presence of a dozing Belphie, always passed out over your legs

So once, just once, you pull your sketchpad out from under your pillow and work on it, a cautious eye trained on the seventh-born’s every move in case he stirs

And when that first time goes smoothly, you pull your sketchpad out a second time

Then a third

Then a fourth - and suddenly, you’re caught in a pattern

It was really just a matter of time until Belphie woke up one day and you didn’t notice

And it’s already too late when the drowsy demon lifts his head, peering curiously onto your lap to see what you’re working on—much to your horror

“Y-you’re awake,” You mutter halfheartedly, a sick feeling settling in your stomach as you watch the demon’s expression shift as he studies your artwork

You hate it

A bubble of anxiety begins to rise, fear over whether he will like your work or call it bad, whether he’ll make fun of your work or tell the brothers, whether he’ll be kind about it or mean

But then, much to your surprise, he flops back onto your lap, utterly unphased

“Nice,” The demon comments casually, stretching as he rests his head along your thigh. “It’s pretty.”

You can only blink as he falls back asleep, utterly confused as to what just happened

He woke up, right? And he saw your art? And he complimented it, telling you that he thought it was nice and pretty?

A sound of disbelief escapes your mouth as you try to process the utter nonchalance with which the whole exchange had concluded with, your shock only interrupted by the light sound of Belphie, who’s already snoring

You groan

But now that Belphie has seen your work, it’s not like there’s much point in hiding it any longer, right?

You pull your sketchbook out, silently continuing to work on the design that the man napping on your lap had said to be “nice,” adding some finishing touches to it 

And when Belphie wakes up, he speaks nothing of the entire exchange

From that point and onward, you become a little more comfortable around him, relieved that you don’t need to talk about it with him

And he gets it

For all your free time, while he naps, you draw, and the two of you find a comfortable form of peace together, an odd tranquility lurking in the fact that there are no questions, no answers, just you and him, the sound of scribbling and snoring, your sketchpad and his pillow

And really, who needs anything else?

Solomon

He’s probably the first one to realize, on his own, that you’re an artist

The two of you have nearly all your classes together, thanks to Lord Diavolo, so it’s hardly surprising when the ever-astute sorcerer picks up on the fact that every time he casts you a second glance, you’re working on some mysterious sketch underneath your desk

Doesn’t really care at first

Until he sees your work

Man actually stops when he picks your sketchbook up off the ground, inspecting the page it had flipped open to after you dropped it

“Holy shit”

Doesn’t even ask for permission, he just begins browsing through the sketchbook, growing more and more impressed with each new page he sees

You only snatch the book back from his hands when you realize that the sketch he’s staring at so intently is one you drew of him, thanking him for picking it up with a huff and awkwardly trying to remove yourself from the situation as fast as humanly (heh, yes that is a pun) possible

Wizard boy stops you, ofc

“Come with me”

“But I have class soon—"

Again, doesn’t even wait for your agreement, man just drags you by the forearm to the library and flips open a book, throws down his own notebook, and demands that you use your “art skills or whatever” to help him

Sigh

Precious wizard boy isn’t very good with words when he’s all worked up

It takes you a good 5 minutes to understand that he wants you to compare the summoning circle outlined on the book with the one he sketched to identify where he went wrong, because apparently you have an “artist’s eye” and therefore you should be able to assist him - and he refuses to believe you when you try to convince him that no, this is not your strong suit and you will likely be unable to help him

He gets whinier than Asmo (probably where he gets it from) and will not stop nagging you even as you try to leave, so eventually you just give in and agree to try to help him - and it wounds up being surprisingly easy for you to realize that he missed the secondary outline of the inner circle, among another few minor mistakes

Huh, maybe you are naturally inclined toward this

From that moment and onward, Solomon decides that you are officially valuable (not only do you have magical potential, but you have an eye for summoning circles too? how UNFAIR) and begins spending all his time with you

Doesn’t really care about the fact that you’re an artist at first—is really more interested in how your skills can be applied

But then one day, after a particularly rough night of going through twelve whole summoning circles for twelve powerful demons, he takes a nap and wakes up to find you passed out on the floor, sleeping on top of your sketchbook where you fell asleep doodling him

Highkey touched

And slowly, he begins casually “falling asleep” around you more often, to see and flip through more of your artwork when he wakes up 

Sigh

Bby is fucking shady even when he does wholesome shit

Simeon

Okay let’s be real

There’s no peace with the seven demon brothers. Solomon is chaotic. Luke, as much as we love him, is just a lot to be around. And even with Barbatos next to him, Diavolo is a walking tornado that tends to wreak havoc whenever he wills it (and he usually wills it).

So honestly, being with Simeon is the only place of tranquility you can find in the entire Devildom

Specifically, his room

*Which is off-limits to all the aforementioned individuals

He extended the invitation for you to spend some “relaxation time” in his quarters whenever you pleased at the beginning of the year, his angelic heart already sensing the absolute whirlwind of disaster you were walking into when you joined RAD

And while you declined his offer immediately out of politeness, you found yourself sheepishly knocking on his door not one week into the program

And now it’s become an every-day sort of thing

So yeah

Simeon knows about your art

In fact, you can’t seem to draw unless you’re in his presence, because at this point, he naturally soothes you so much that your hand is only steady when you hear the sound of his calm breathing in the background

In fact, you work best when the two of you are spread out on his couch, your back resting comfortably on Simeon’s shoulder while he writes (yes, he manually writes all his books on pen and paper) and you put your legs up on the couch, sketching away in your notebook

It’s the very image of peace, something you can’t seem to find anywhere else in this realm

And Simeon, bless his heart, may be a master of calligraphy, but the precious angel cannot draw to save his life - a fact which you have taken it upon yourself to handle

See, the angel gets tired every now and then—understandable, given that he produces literal masterpieces at his hands

And so when he gets tired, what does he do? 

Make incomprehensible doodles in the upper left corners of his papers

So, of course, you’ve taken it upon yourself to bring those doodles to life (even if it requires a half-hour of inspection before you can make out what the sketch was supposed to be) and Simeon loves it

The expression of eagerness that surfaces every time you inform him that you’ve finished a piece is so rewarding, because the childlike glee with which he takes the paper from your hands to inspect it always sends a rush of warmth to your heart as he gushes in appreciation

But uh 

Simeon is a special kind of chaotic, something that manifests every time he doodles something on paper

You stare at the angel in disbelief as he informs you that his latest doodle (what appears to be a banana-looking creature in sunglasses?) was actually a monkey ironing clothes—unsure what to say in light of this information

But it’s okay :) There only needs to be one artist in this relationship, and it clearly isn’t him

Luke

It started with cake

He needed “inspiration” to make something for Barbatos, as a thank-you gift for the pastry lessons the elder gave him, but Luke claimed that everything he made, while it tasted fine, lacked in the aesthetic department

And while normally you would play it Simeon-style, leaving it to the younger angel to handle things on his own so that he can grow individually, you felt too bad watching him discard another batch of cupcakes into Beel’s mouth, rubbing his head in aggravation over how annoying it was that nothing was looking right

So you helped him out

It was nothing major, really

Just eight doodles—subtle yet elegant designs for a triple-tiered cake, childish and bouncy arrangements to store flan, little details in frosting to give cupcakes the added element of specialty that makes them infinitely better

But the second Luke saw your paper, he went wild

Boi was running to the kitchen so fast he barely even had the time to shout “thank you” 

Apparently, your little sketches sparked inspiration in him so strongly that the flames burned til midnight (much to Simeon’s disapproval), but when Luke was finally done with everything, he walked out of the kitchen with a tray of desserts that looked so perfect it was hard to imagine that he brought them to life from your sketches

Luke spent ages thanking you, shoving desserts down your throat even when you insisted that you were full, so unimaginably grateful that you helped him out of what he called “chef’s block”

Each “thank you” was accompanied either a brownie or a slice of mango mousse or whatever new pastry Luke was creating that day, and before long you were getting to enjoy luxury foods on the daily (much to Beel’s jealousy)

Boy only believed that the debt was paid when you told him that there was no debt to pay, that you sketched those quick little doodles for him out of kindness and not obligation

Believe it or not, Luke’s eyes actually welled with tears for a second at that, before he wrapped you up in a giant (is it really giant if the hugger is so little?) hug, wailing something about you being too “pure” and “perfect” for the Devildom, and that one day you would be very happy in the Celestial Realm

You pat his head, telling him that if it truly made him this happy, you would be glad to help him out again and sketch some food doodles whenever he wanted some new ideas

Cue another round of hugs, muffled crying, and sobs about how amazing you are

Barbatos

Barbatos knew, of course

Not because he used his powers or anything, he would hardly use them for something so trivial, but he was aware from the start that you were an artist because it was he who prepared for your arrival in the Devildom, ensuring that you had all the same amenities and comforts you were used to in the human realm

And, as such, that included art supplies

So the very moment he set his eyes on you, he was aware that you were an artist

What he didn’t expect was for you to actually be good at it

He sees your sketchbook when he’s casually strolling through the RAD library, finding you completely knocked out on one of the tables, the spiral binding of the sketchpad still digging indents into your cheek where you lie on top of it

At first, the butler rearranges your position as a courtesy

He lifts your head and rests it on your hand - which makes a much softer pillow -  coincidentally placing your books back inside your bag and taking a moment to organize the papers strewn across the desk

But then he just happens to glance inside

And the second he does, he’s mesmerized

There’s not much in the world that can surprise Barbatos - not after he’s looked after Diavolo, of all people, for so many millennia - but the butler still finds himself holding his breath as he flips through your sketchpad, each piece telling a story so evocative that it leaves him wanting more even when he arrives at a blank page, abruptly realizing that he’s just gone through your entire sketchbook without your permission

Of course, you just have to wake up at that precise moment - sleepy eyes glancing up at the butler and wondering if you’re hallucinating, but the book in his hands is far too real and the shocked expression on his face is impossibly jarring and you flinch, suddenly feeling self-conscious as you realize what must have happened

Barbatos is a perfect gentleman about it, kindly telling you to get more rest so that you don’t pass out in a public library surrounded by demons who want to eat your soul, but he ends the sharp warning with a rather kind remark about your artwork

“I liked the second-last piece best,” He murmurs, casting you a cryptic smile before bidding you farewell

And obviously, the moment he’s out of sight, your nose is buried in your sketchbook, fingers flipping furiously to find the second-last piece you drew which you cannot seem to remember at all, and—

Oh

A flush immediately erupts on your cheeks as you see the colored sketch, something inspired by nothing more than a whim

It’s simply two people on a walk—both of them vague imitations of what your mind had wistfully conjured up—one of them bearing the telltale mismatched hair and olive green eyes, the other sharing a quiet resemblance to yourself - a conscious decision, of course

But just as you’re about to flip off the page, another detail you’d forgotten about draws your attention—and your cheeks suddenly burn in embarrassment as you realize why Barbatos singled this piece out

The figures are smiling, gazing at each other from the corners of their eyes. And there, in the very center of the piece, it is obvious: 

They are holding hands

Diavolo

RIP to Diavolo’s royal painter

They have been replaced

By you

As much as you fought it, as much as you argued that you were not fitting of this position, as much as you pleaded with the demon lord to not force this title upon your shoulders, Diavolo’s decision to appoint you as the honorary Devildom painter was final—and nothing can change his mind once it’s made up

The title is really just that: a title. Diavolo knows that you’re a busy student, and while he honored your artistic talents with this position, he’s not about to actually force you through the expected proceedings of a true royal painter, not while you’re trying to survive being an exchange student in hell with an entirely unfamiliar curriculum in front of you

But on occasion, he’ll send you a text, asking if you’re free

And you’ll head on over to his palace, ready to paint him

And unlike every other demon, angel, and human in the Devildom, when Diavolo models for you, he actually models nude

Asmo is jealous

Sexual tension is high when you paint him, let’s just leave things at that

And honestly, it really doesn’t matter what you paint - Diavolo seems to be more interested in the fact that it’s a human who did the art in the first place

He once saw your RAD binder, noticing the little doodles you’d drawn on the corner of all your papers, and he immediately took them—declaring that they were art to be preserved for all eternity for historical documentation purposes

So yeah

There’s a hall in Diavolo’s palace filled with your RAD math homework, an eternal reminder of the assignments you copied off of Solomon

(You’re not sure what’s more embarrassing: the fact that you’ve drawn some rather inappropriate doodles on those pages or the fact that, despite having copied all the answers, you still managed to get nearly one-third of the problems wrong, and now your mistakes are to be showcased in the Devildom for centuries to come)

It gets to the point where you and Solomon start making bets over how basic you can get with your art for Diavolo to still consider it “amazing” and “utterly awe-inspiring,” as he likes to put it

In honor of that bet, there is currently a banana peel with a few marker doodles on it hanging in a preserved case in an iced room in the lowest levels of the palace, as none of the “art” can be wasted

But in truth, the demon lord’s fixation with human culture is endearing, especially when Diavolo tries so hard to be accepting of it

So eventually you stop giving Diavolo wacky art and actually start putting your full effort into your creations—your reward being the fact that the final piece you complete gets hung in Diavolo’s private bedroom, where he promises to gaze at it every night for the rest of eternity, vowing to remember his time with you every time he sees it

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I advise you to read it first, as this post is the continuation. 

Yeah, there will be Part 3 for sure. As usual, sorry for gramatical confusion and/or any mistakes.

Love you all, thank you for 100 (!) notes under Part 1. 

Warnings: Rape, Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 6768

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings’ mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

ENJOY!

You tried not to break your eye contact with Aro, as it made you unusually calm and on place. As soon as you walked through the door to the throne room you felt almost like at home. You knew it would take some time to get used to the new place, especially a place like this, though, you didn't find it repulsive or frightening.  

You sat down in the chair that Aro had pulled out for you. It was a little gesture but it made you a little less weirded out. Now, that you were alone with three kings, you were not as relaxed as you might have thought you’ll be, for your legs were trembling with exertion.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. You’ve barely eaten, been up on your feet since you got off the plane and through all day long, you were strongly convinced it was your last day on Earth. On top of this, you’ve just allowed Aro to touch your hand and then kiss it. You were certain that if it was for any other person, you wouldn’t be so willing to do so.

Aro took a seat opposite to you, whereas Marcus and Caius sat, probably, on their usual seats, not that far from you both. You were tired, but confident that some things needed to be established as soon as possible. You understood this perfectly. Also, even though Alice told you about basic things, you still were oblivious to most information.

“You have impressed me with your declaration” it was Caius who started the conversation. You looked directly at him.

“I’m not stupid, nor suicidal” you said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “At least, not anymore” you admitted, your upset tone impossible to miss. Caius tilted his head, eyeing you carefully.

“While on the plane, Alice told me briefly about basics,” you said. Seeing their stares, you rolled your eyes. “Yes, she also explained to me the laws. I knew this trip would’ve only two possible endings for me.”

Aro had known about this prior, but Marcus and Caius looked taken aback, to say at least.

“You knew you’d probably die and still came here?” it was Marcus who asked. It was a weird experience, even if you’d known him only for a few moments, to see such an authentic interest in his behaviour.

You nodded and smiled.

“Sure I did. Bella’s stupid ass didn’t give me another choice” you chuckled. Caius smiled again with that creepy smile, which he also had on his face while in the throne room.

“Stop that, brother” Aro scolded him lightly. “We don’t want to frighten [Y/N].”

Caius only rolled his eyes.

“You are familiar with the fact that I am as old as you, brother?” he asked Aro mockingly, sprawling comfortably in his chair. “There’s no need to scold me like I’m a child.”

Aro frowned.

“Yes, brother, I am certainly familiar with this. But nonetheless, you should be more gentle when it comes to [Y/N].”

Even though you’d been tired, somehow kings’ presence had risen your spirits. Also, it was quite funny to see them mock themselves like this.

“Can I say something?” you asked, visibly amused by their behaviour. You've relaxed a little and only then you felt how tired you really were.

“Of course, cara” said Marcus, who didn’t exactly talk much until now. All of them were looking at you, curious about what you wanted to say.

You smiled shyly, not being accustomed to receive so much attention at once.

“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m not exactly…afraid of you? I guess I’m mostly curious. I wasn’t… concerned while we were heading here. Like, at all” you admitted, trying your best to find words, which would suit your emotions.

Three of them were listening very carefully, even Aro, who had already known your thoughts.

“Alice wasn’t trying to scare me, but I felt that she was extremely cautious when it came to your coven. Bella also was exaggerating with drama and I…” you immediately felt sick and couldn’t end the sentence. You were happy to maybe die? You were happy to have something to think about, other than rape? To think about something different than this unwanted child?  

It was as they felt the change in your mood. You saw Aro wanted to touch you but restrained himself from doing so. Marcus’s expression was calm but you actually thought, he was being beyond emotional about this. And Caius…he looked genuinely concerned.

You smiled sadly, as none of them said anything.

“I’m not exactly aware of how this mating bond thing works, but that’s probably the reason” you said quietly, with insecurity so overwhelming that you couldn’t look at the kings anymore.  Instead, you embraced your knees with yours arms and glanced at your feet resting on the edge of your chair.

You tried hard not to cry. You weren’t weak, you weren’t unstable. You were harmed in the most brutal way and you knew, it would take you a while to get out of this state of mind. Nevertheless, you didn’t want them to consider you weak or unworthy of their attention. Right now, they were the only ones you had in this world.

Your throat tightened and your lips trembled from the sob you denied yourself to make. One of them handed you a handkerchief, while making an effort not to touch you. You glanced up, as it turned out, at Marcus, who was holding the handkerchief in front of you.

“It is perfectly alright to cry, cara. You have no idea how many times I wished to shed at least one tear” he said, while you were wiping away yours. You believed him, of course. When you were in the throne room, at first Marcus looked completely lifeless and depressed. It changed after he spotted you, but you knew his behaviour didn’t come out of nowhere.

You’ve managed to calm yourself a little bit. After you regained your composure, Aro smiled gently at you, making you give him your full attention.

“My dear, we would be delighted to explain to you everything, but I can clearly see that you are extremely tired. So much has happened today, and the best way we can handle this, is when you are well rested. May I suggest coming back to the topic without any more delay, when you’ve had enough sleep?”

You smiled because of his intricate wording.

“Sure. Although, there’s no need for you to talk to me this way” you said amused, while also trying not to sound rude. The way Aro expressed his thoughts was extremely distinguished and you understood that this was part of his personality that he had acquired over three millennia.

Caius smiled to himself hearing your remark and Marcus didn't hide his amusement either. Even Aro seemed mildly entertained.

“Forgive me, cara mia” he said apologetically, mischievous tone of his voice never escaping your attention. “I am quite old by now” his remark made Caius laugh loudly. You laughed too.

“I don’t think your age matters in this case” you said, your spirits raised just a little bit.

 ***

 After your brief conversation, it was Marcus who showed you to your room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room, as you had all suite to yourself. As soon as you saw it, you decided that it was really too much, that a bed would suffice, but fell silent after Marcus explained, why you needed to be isolated from others.

You almost forgot they were vampires and you could die if you walked into the wrong one. You shared your concerns with Marcus, who was extremely amused to hear about them. Only the most trusted members of the guard knew of the whereabouts of your chamber. The lower ranks didn't even know that you were staying in the castle for an extended period of time.

Marcus assured that overnight the kings would consider, who would be the most qualified to become your personal guardian. You were a bit embarrassed, as you seemed to be creating quite a problem with your presence in the castle. Nonetheless, you thanked Marcus, making sure beforehand that you would definitely see the three of them, as soon as you got some sleep.

Your chamber was huge. You could’ve sworn it was twice the size of the house you owned in Forks. You had your own bathroom, walk-in-closet and even a small kitchenette with a fridge. The star of the room was the massive bed with a mattress so soft, you felt like you were lying on a cloud. Before you went to bed, you decided to have a bath, because it would be silly to sleep in such a bed while being dirty.

While searching for pyjamas, you realised there were not many clothes in the wardrobe. Could this have been a guest room? You concluded that it was very likely. Anyway, you had nothing against guest rooms which looked like this. You found a thin-strapped, ankle-length nightdress, in a fabric so pleasant that it was impossible to resist wearing it.

The bathroom was ridiculously large, with two sinks to the left of the entrance, a huge bathtub in the middle and a shower that was built into, what you assumed, was a marble wall. On the opposite side of the entrance there was a vanity, with all kinds of beauty products and perfumes. You also didn't expect the bathroom to be in bright colours, and yet, the walls and floor were white marble, whereas all other elements were golden. You didn't even want to think about the fact that indeed, you had real gold faucets to your exclusive use.

You continued to think about the fact that it seemed too much. The lavishness overwhelmed you and, at the same time, distracted you from unpleasant thoughts. The washing up part, as always, was difficult for you. You tried not to look in the mirror at all. Eventually, you decided you didn't have the energy to try a bath, so you went for a quick shower.

It wasn't until you were in the shower, before you truly felt tired. You doubted it was an evening, but you felt like you'd just done a double shift at the hospital. It felt wonderful to have your hair washed, only to cuddle up later in an incredibly soft towel.

While changing into your nightgown, you didn't even glance in the mirror. You were unable to look at your naked body in the reflection. You were afraid, even though the bruises and wounds had long been healed.

Climbing onto the bed, you tried not to think too much. You didn't want to think about what you were going to do with the baby. You didn't want to think about the fact that you would probably have to explain to Caius and Marcus, why you were pregnant in the first place. You also didn't want to think about Aro seeing those memories. You were glad that you could fall asleep and, at least for a little while, be relieved of the burden of reality.

***

 “Alright. What is there that we need to discuss?” you asked, trying to focus. You were back in the study with the round table, except that there were many more papers and books on it than the day before.

It was the strangest morning of your life. According to what Aro told you, you slept for about fifteen hours. He was by your side when you woke up, but not in such manner as to startle you in any way. He came to ask how you were feeling and what you felt like eating for breakfast. You thought that with a kitchenette in your room you would be preparing your own meals. You were very much mistaken. When you said that you would like to eat scrambled eggs, Aro only smiled and told you to get dressed.

You didn't have time to ask what you were supposed to wear since the walk-in-closet was almost empty, but he had already disappeared. It turned out that you were wrong again. In those fifteen hours, someone had managed to restock your wardrobe at least halfway. You were too surprised to look at everything, but you had never seen such expensive and well-tailored clothes. You picked out the first pieces you were sure, you would feel comfortable in.

After a quick shower, you dressed up and when you came out of bathroom, Aro was already waiting for you. He brought you your meal and while you were eating, he would talk to you about things that were of minor importance. It was hard not to notice that he was in a great mood and you had to admit that you were sharing his optimism. He waited patiently for you to end your meal so that both of you could join Marcus and Caius in the study. If your human memory didn't fail you, a great number of issues had to be discussed.

You smiled, seeing so many papers and books on the wooden table. Caius and Marcus were sitting in the exact same places as yesterday.

“You should’ve wake me sooner, you know. I never sleep this much” you said, also sitting in the same place you were assigned the evening before. Aro sat in the chair on your right.

“You should sleep as long as you feel like it, dolcezza,” said Caius, focusing all his attention on you. You blushed a little. You weren’t used to being in the centre of attention. It didn't make you uncomfortable before, but after what happened... It was going to take some time before you could fully recover.  

“Caius is right. You should get plenty of sleep, my dear. If there’s no need to wake you up, we simply will not do it,” said Aro, whose smile has not left his face even for a moment.

When Marcus had finished whatever he was doing, you could finally move on to the conversation between the four of you. You thought that Aro will lead the conversation but, apparently, you were really going to discuss this together.

“I gathered you were a nurse before. You also worked with Carlisle,” started Aro, getting straight to the point. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Yes. I worked on Paediatric Intensive Care Unit but hospital in Forks is so small that I usually ended up also helping Carlisle with many things” you admitted, trying to divide your attention between three of them. If you were to stay a human for a little while, you needed to work on that. It was rather problematic to look at them all at once.

“We became friends when Bella started seeing Edward, but then the whole moving out thing came up and right now, I don't really know if I know Carlisle as well as I thought I did,” you said, without a trace of regret in your voice. Aro knew very well that you had a grudge against the doctor. Sure, Edward had left Bella, but you were sure Carlisle would have at least told you about the promotion. Now you knew it wasn't about that at all, and yet the grudge continued.

Aro smiled lightly, but you saw a glint of sadness in his eye.

“After you transformation I will be pleased to invite here my old friend Carlisle along with his family. I hope everything will work out fine between the two of you” he said with hope in his voice. You had no idea that Carlisle new Aro to the extent that he called him an old friend. You promised yourself to talk about this with Aro while in private.

“I’m…a bit concerned about this, actually” you said anxiously. “I know I need to become a vampire one day, but…” You never ended the sentence. Were you afraid of pain? No, certainly not. However, you wanted to begin with knowing your mates just a little bit more. You wanted to know more about this world you were supposed to spend eternity in.

“It’s perfectly alright to be afraid, [Y/N]” said Marcus, leaning closer to you. You felt stupid and young.

“I don’t think I’m afraid. I’m only…uncertain, because I know close to nothing about your lifestyle and I’m not sure I’m quite ready to experience it,” you tried to explain, as best as you could. Aro was a little bit ahead of Caius and Marcus, as he saw at least parts of such thoughts in your mind. Caius was the one to answer you.

“It understandable, [Y/N]. While you’ll be spending time with us, we’re going to explain everything to you. One step at a time, as my dear brother said earlier. And tell me, how do you like your chambers?” he asked, clearly curious about your opinion. You smiled, but it was a shy one.

“I love it, really, but, as I asked Aro earlier, isn’t it too much?” you suggested, trying not to offend him. Aro and Marcus smiled softly, Caius snorted.

“Nonsense, cara. With us, you'll have the very best of all worlds” he assured you.

“In that case, thank you, all of it is truly wonderful, although I feel a little awkward.”

Again, all three just laughed, but it wasn’t impolite in one bit. Aro put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“My dear, no need for you to fret about such things as money. The most important person to us is you and we will give you whatever you need” he assured you, still with that magnificent smile. You nodded shyly, not being able to say anything. You had only been with them in a room for a short while and you felt like you were drunk. The aura they exuded was irresistible. Simultaneously you wanted to be with each of them separately and with all of them altogether. It was not an affection, not yet, but this strange attraction did not allow itself to be forgotten easily. You yearned to be in the same room with them, just to be able to talk to them and look at each other constantly.

“I have… I have a house in Forks” you said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Would you like to sell your property?” asked Caius, raising an eyebrow. Aro was also intrigued. Marcus just continued to look at you, almost as he studied your face.

“I guess. I don't think I want to go back there again” you said quietly, recalling how many bad things happened there. You were no longer at ease, not even to mention amused. The kings, just as it happened the day before, felt the shift in your behaviour. “Ever” you emphasised, but it was only a whisper.  

Bad memories deluged your thoughts. Your mother's illness and death. Your father's accident, then his death. Also, the most recent events. You swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I don’t want this house. I don’t want to come back to this godforsaken place ever again,” you said, wiping away a single tear with your fingers. You were ashamed, but you could not hold back the tears that followed. You did not deserve to go through all of this.

It was Marcus who spoke first.

“Cara, Aro told us nothing about your past, but I can assure you no one is going to hurt you here. You can be certain about this” he said gently, handing you a handkerchief. You accepted it gratefully, then began to quickly wipe away your tears.

“Marcus is absolutely right, [Y/N]. There is nothing in this world that we cannot protect you from. We will always be by your side. You won’t be in danger ever again” Caius assured you, while you were still trying to get these tears under control.

Aro seemed as if he wanted to lock you in an embrace and never let you go again, but he restrained himself. You knew it was because of your memories, because he saw what happened to you, and because he literally lived through it with you. You thought that probably the latter pushed you towards this decision. Who could know better what you’ve been through, than a person who knew about all things that happened during your life? You wanted a hug, desperately, and you already knew, you could trust Aro on this one.

Once he saw the permission in your eyes, you immediately found yourself in his arms. As usual, he was immensely gentle and affectionate, stroking your hair while not touching your skin, so as not to accidentally read your thoughts. You cuddled into him trustingly, not caring that he was cold. You had known him one day and he had managed to evoke more trust within you, than friends that you had known for years.

When the crying eased and you calmed down slightly, you rested your head on his shoulder. Again, just like yesterday in the throne room, you felt as if you had been home for a long time. They were your home, not some pile of stones and a roof.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, trying not to be ashamed. Aro stroked your hair again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cara mia,” he assured you, with a gentle tone of his voice. You glanced at Marcus and Caius, but they only seemed at ease, as you finally were calm and not crying. Not a hint of jealousy. You didn't want Aro to let you out of his embrace and apparently he wasn't going to do anything of the sort either. You felt safe within his arms.

“Can you take care of ‘selling the house’ thing?” you asked, trying to remember what were you talking about before your emotional breakdown.

“Of course, [Y/N]. You could call Isabella later, to gather things you want to have here with you,” said Caius, exceptionally calm. Maybe his behaviour in the throne room was only an act? Or maybe he was being this way only because you were a mess and he didn’t want to upset you more than you already were.

“Yes, I’d like that, please” you said politely, wiping away the last of your tears with the handkerchief you got from Marcus.

“Are you ready to talk about the child, cara, or do you want to postpone it until some other time?” Aro asked you, trying to be as gentle with the word choice as possible. You hid your face in his jet black hair. It smelled of something you couldn't quite define, but it had a calming effect on you. You heaved a number of deep breaths. He gently caressed your shoulder.

“If you feel like sharing this, cara mia, please do. If you are unable to, do not force yourself” he advised, with so much sensitivity in his tone, that you wouldn’t expect from a man, yet alone from a vampire. It seemed that nor Caius, neither Marcus wanted to push you only to get this information.

You didn’t want to ponder about it for too long. It would definitely come to an end with you simply telling nothing at all. While you were not ready at all to talk about it, you needed to explain this somehow. You weren’t ready for any unexpected touch. You were adamant that current thing with Aro was caused by situation and your emotions. While the thought of Caius or Marcus touching you wasn’t downright awful, the idea of unexpected, unwelcomed touch made you twitch uncontrollably.

“As Aro was kind enough to mention…” started Marcus, probably to assure you no words were truly needed. You might, as well, have said it already. You didn't want anyone to accidentally touch you. You wanted to welcome the touch of your mates, just as you did with Aro a few minutes before. Being touched when you didn’t want would be catastrophic, not only for your mental health, but also for the stirring relationship with kings. It would have been worse than talking about rape itself out loud.

“I was raped a few weeks ago” you choked out, trying to make your voice sound as toneless and apathetic as possible. “I haven’t decided what to do with the… with it. Yet” you added, feeling stupid and extremely anxious. You wanted to get it over with, and at the same time you knew, it would have to be talked about at some point.

Nobody said anything. They probably waited for more words, maybe more emotions. You weren’t tense or embarrassed in front of them. Although, the uncertainty, of what were their thoughts on the topic, was a little bit intimidating. As minutes passed and you were saying nothing, Caius spoke up.

“Do you want us to kill him?” he asked, sweeping you off your feet with the question. You stared at him with amazement, completely forgetting about Aro embracing you. Your gaze didn’t discourage Caius a one bit. “Maybe some tortures first? What do you say, brothers?” he asked Aro and Marcus, his eyes remaining on you.

“Could you really do that?” you asked, before Aro or Marcus could answer. Caius started laughing out loud. There was something terrifying and, yet, incomprehensibly appealing about it. He leaned towards you.

“We would burn the whole world for you,” he whispered perilously. “If you want him to suffer, to be terrified, just as you were, say the word” he clarified, with a nasty smirk on his face. “We’ll make his last hours on Earth a living hell.”

Caius had something dangerous within himself. Something primal. He wasn’t so self-composed as Aro and as insular as Marcus. He was violent, fierce, vicious. It should scare you away from him. Only it didn’t. You believed every word he said and wanted it done. Why this little man should live his life peacefully, when you were traumatised and pregnant with a child you didn’t want in a first place?

“Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better” Aro whispered warningly into your ear, but still with calm and gentle voice.

“Yeah, I know that” you said to Aro, while still staring into Caius’s eyes. His also were crimson, but with lighter shade than Aro’s. You weren’t anxious anymore, nor were you in emotional breakdown. “But women he wants to rape will feel better if he doesn’t” you said, smiling almost as darkly as Caius. You got the feeling that you two were going to get along pretty well. Caius leaned back into his chair.

“Fantastic. We’ll talk about it more in following weeks, dear” he said, obviously pleased with the outcome of the conversation.

“Regardless if you keep the child, you’re going to be one of us” reminded Aro, to change the subject. When he mentioned transformation, you were far more conscious than few moments before. You tried not to be pessimistic about the change. You knew questions needed to be asked, but you had plenty of time to ask about anything you wanted and exactly three most experienced vampires in the world to answer them.

“We established it before, Aro” said Marcus for the first time in a while. You gathered that he wasn’t the talkative one here. You disentangled yourself from Aro's embrace and returned to your chair. Enough touching for today. However, you were sure that the sense of safety and comfort that he provided you with, would remain with you for a long time.

“I’m not able to tell you now if I want to keep the child” you said with confidence. “Anyway, I need to know what will happen, whether I decide to terminate the pregnancy or not.”

You were looking directly at Aro. You knew he had the final word here. You had a feeling how it’ll end, but you wanted to hear it anyway and have it straightforward. Aro sighed softly and smiled warmly after.

“If you’d like to keep the child, you’re going to give birth to it and when it’ll be grown up enough, it’ll become one of us” he said, his gaze extremely soft.

“Okay” you agreed. “And what if I’m not going to keep the child?” you asked, because it was the more probable occurrence. Aro saw it within your thoughts and you weren’t going to act like it wasn’t the choice you were closer to opt for. His smile remained gentle and warm, his eyes calm and soft on yours.

“The things that need to be done, are going to be done” he said, and you were extremely grateful that he didn’t use the ‘abortion’ word. You were too emotionally unstable to talk about it so straightforward. “We are going to know each other a little bit more. You’ll also meet our most trustful guards to feel safe. When you’ll be ready, one of us will change you” he explained, as simple as he could. You smiled at him a little sadly.

“Alright. Do I have any time limitations?” you asked curiously, throwing a quick glance at Caius and Marcus.

“No, dolcezza. You can take as much time as you want. You’re finally with us. That’s what truly matters to us” he reassured you. He was neither angry nor upset with the thought of you postponing transformation till the child is being born.

“One step at a time” he said cheerfully and smiled. You also smiled. It was almost impossible not to. “Cara mia, you’re so pretty when you smile. I hope you’ll be able to do that more and more here” this sentence made you blush. All three of them laughed, which made you blush even more.

“Thank you” you whispered, but it was a little unsure and hesitant. You saw concern on their faces.

“May I ask you one more question?” this time it was Marcus who asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you checked how far along are you? You’ve told us that maybe you’ll want to terminate the pregnancy, but my concern is about your health and how your body is going to catch up with the decision of yours, regardless what it’ll be” he said, very politely, trying not to offend you. You appreciated that dearly.

Marcus did ask very good question, though. You had no idea how far along you were. It was at least three months since it happened, so your first trimester should be over very soon.

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I couldn’t find the courage to do so. The only thing the doctor did, was to confirm the pregnancy” you answered, trying hard to remember if something else was being said.

“We should probably call the doctor, then” said Marcus, concern noticeable in his voice. Aro and Caius agreed with him, so did you.  

“So, do I have my own cook at my disposal?” you asked to change the subject and relieve tension a bit. Enough of difficult subjects for today.

“Ah, yes, my dear, of course!” said Aro with extreme enthusiasm. “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast today. If something isn’t the way you want it, tell any of us right away.”

“Oh, yes, I did! Hey, and I told you that already!” you said, quite amused. “Am I not supposed to be the one, who forgets?” you asked, laughing.

Caius laughed most loudly, clearly amused by what you’ve just said. Aro smiled, watching you being in better mood, than before. Marcus was just Marcus, but he also smiled.

You spent the rest of the day with the kings, talking about many important and less important things. Mostly, you talked about the matter of selling your house, the things you will want to have with you in the castle, the fact that you should give up your job and your personal guard. The latter has been the cause of endless discussion. Later that evening, Aro decided that Renata, his personal guard, would be temporarily assigned to you.

You wanted to argue but there was literally no point in it. You knew that for the time you were still human, you had to have some sort of guard, because you couldn't even handle half a vampire on your own. You weren't tired at all, so after eating dinner you spent time with Caius and Marcus, trying to figure out what you could do together to get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Aro was obliged to attend to some important business, but in this case, you had already established some kind of a bond with him.

Caius and Marcus deeply respected your wish not to touch you in any way. You visited the library and were sure you had simply fallen in love. Sadly, most of the books were written in languages the existence of which you were previously unaware. Marcus was more than happy to offer you to study with him. To begin with, learning Italian. You had not yet discovered what Caius liked to do, but you were sure you would soon find out.

When they too had to attend to important matters, they escorted you to your room, and you decided it would be a good idea to call Bella. Not just about the house, but generally to let her know you were alive. When you’ve finally reached her, you both couldn’t shut up.

“Hi, sister!” you squeaked, overly excited. You heard her laugh.

“Hi! Are you fine, [Y/N]? I was starting to worry, the only thing that kept me from calling you was Alice,” she said and you laughed.

“Hi [Y/N]!” you heard Alice in the background. You threw yourself on the bed, so that you could lie on your stomach. You hugged your pillow and made yourself comfortable.

“Hi Alice!” you greeted her, smiling to yourself like a mad person, who you probably were, given the circumstances. “I’m happy to hear you, Bella, seriously. Are you at Cullen’s place?” you asked curious, as where Alice came from.

“Yeah, exactly. We were all worried here, you know” she admitted, you heard how anxious she was. You couldn’t help it but laughed.

“Well, how could you leave me in the lion's den like that” you joked and heard someone’s laugh.

“She’s fun. I need to meet her” you heard again and also laughed.

“This will probably happen sooner rather than later,” you answer to this mystery someone with confidence. Bella’s side fell silent. “But, you know, I guess I’m okay. I had fifteen hours of sleep today and the best scrambled eggs in my entire life” you admitted cheerfully, thinking about you waking up and eating your breakfast in Aro’s presence. You smiled widely. You heard someone talking in the background, but you had no idea what was this all about.

“That’s good because I was worried sick when we got out of that room” Bella admitted, trying to sound not too worried, though.

“It’s better than fine, you know. And how are you? You seriously were as white as a sheet while in throne room” you said and this was your turn to be worried about Bella again. “Hey, and I hope this asshole isn’t going to leave you again. My threat is in force,” you said in a threatening tone, knowing that Edward could definitely hear it. You heard the same laugh as before plus Bella’s laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll not be doing it again. Carlisle has already scolded him decently.”

Your heart ached a little after hearing Carlisle’s name. You thought he was your friend, or maybe it was beginning of friendship, and now you had no idea what to think about it at all.

“Good. How are you, Bells?” you asked again, hugging your pillow tightly.

“I’m okay, really, [Y/N]. No need to worry about me.”

Of course you were going to worry about her. She was just like a little sister to you. No way you’d stop worrying. Suddenly, you remembered what happened in the throne room and became seriously concerned.

“Have you set a date?” you asked, and again, the other side fell silent. This time completely. You sighed heavily. “I’m not a spy, you know, but I’m worried about you. We will need to talk about all of this. I get why didn’t you tell me, but, seriously Bella, your self-preservation instinct does not exist,” you scolded her, just a little. You had a feeling that she gave no fucks, no matter what anyone could say about this situation.

“Says the “I’m staying here, Bella” person” she gritted out with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes.

“One, they wouldn’t let me leave. Two, you were in danger and I was alright with sacrificing myself to save you. Three…” this time you fell silent, realising something important. “…I wouldn’t go. I’m not able to. This bond, whatever it is, it’s strong shit. You probably now it, as you have this with Edward. I have got it triple.”

After really long moment of complete silence, Bella spoke up.

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” she asked, her question as heavy as storm clouds. You sighed.

“Because I’ve got nothing to live for, ya know? I was prepared that I wouldn’t get out alive,” you admitted with sad voice, but it was downright true.

“You’re pregnant, [Y/N]” she said, like it was something, which could immediately improve your well-being and quality of life. You felt like throwing up.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant with the child I don’t want, with a man I’ve never met, who forced himself on me and made my life more miserable than it already was. I should probably send him a card or something because, guess what, I’ve never considered that my life is going to be more crappy than it already was after my parents’ death.”

When you ended the sentence and no one said anything, you just sighed heavily.

“You’ve got the date set?” you asked again, merely curious about this and to change the topic.

“Not yet” she said, her voice sad and full of emotions.

“Then do it. They’re patient, to some extent, but don't tempt fate. I don’t want to attend yet another funeral,” you said bitterly, trying not to think at all.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Bella snapped suddenly, making you shift uncomfortably on bed.

“And how you can be so calm? How was this your fucking plan from the very beginning? Once again, I try to understand you, while not understanding you at all” you snapped too, tired of any games. Before she could answer, you continued:

“I’m not coming back. I wanted to ask you if you could go to my house and get some things, I can make you a list if it’s going to be easier.”

You thought telling her this right away would be better than if she wasn’t aware for weeks or months.

“What?! Why aren’t you coming back?” she asked with raised voice. You wanted to shout and scream but you didn’t. It was too much for one day.

“Because I’ve got nothing to come back to. You’re going to be a vampire anyway, so I’ll see you in some time. I’m selling the house and I want to leave the past exactly where it belongs” you explained, trying not to yell. The hormone fluctuations didn't make it easy for you at all.

Another silence. You were tired of all of this.

“Can you do this for me, Bella? Because if you can’t, I’m sure…”

She didn’t let you finish.

“Of course I’ll do it for you. Can we talk tomorrow about the details?” she asked, her voice calmed a bit.

“Yeah, sure. It’s well after midnight here anyway, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ve got doctor’s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon” you said, trying to sound casually. Last thing you needed now was to argue about anything with Bella.

“Okay, so, call me tomorrow?” she asked. “And be safe.”

“You too, Bells. Take care. I love you, sis” you said, trying to stop the forthcoming tears.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”

Long after this phone call, you couldn’t get yourself to sleep. You tried bath this time, but it was mostly useless. At least, you were clean. First time after the rape, you decided to touch your belly on purpose. It began to curve gently, and, apart from that, you still felt pain and pressure in your breasts. You put on a nightdress and went to bed, this time actually trying to get some sleep. You also tried not to think too much about what the future would bring.

omg how do u make ur gifs so crisp and sharp?! 😭

hello babe sorry it took me some time to answer bc i was trying to find the resources i could send you. pls i didnt ignore you! im sorry it took me days😔 everything is under the cut bc it’s pretty long!

1. hd videos

always always always try to find the most high quality videos you can find! it doesn’t have to be 4k, 1080 is enough. i rarely download 720p, it can make do but it won’t be as good. so try to find 1080p vids! the quality of the videos make the difference in the world!

for youtube, i just use youtube downloader lol, i think any would suffice.

for downloading movies/tv shows, you can either torrent or use direct download links. here’s a link full of websites to download movies/shows. my personal fave is snahp(.)it and i use jdownloader as well. jdownloader is a download manager, so you can download several videos in one go and just more organized i guess. also i think it can bypass the unnecessary advertisements and/or yk those websites when you click on the download button but takes you somewhere else djsnsk i hope you understand this.

also do have a strong ad block on your browser. i use ublock and adblock on chrome.

2. photoshop

i use photoshop for my gifs. you can use photopea i think but my friend has tried it and for her it didnt delivered the maximum quality you know. there’s a tutorial on how to use photopea tho somewhere on tumblr but i dont have the link sorry:( personally, i’m more comfortable with photoshop.

if you are using window, try to crack it with GenP. you could search for GenP and click on the reddit link. i used genp to crack, im very happy with it. have no trouble until now!

if you use mac, search for adobezii reddit or click here!

3. sharpening

now!!! this is important too!!! you need to sharpen your gifs but be careful to not oversharpen them!! i think i followed this tutorial but i tweaked it at the end. you could use my action here, it consists of double sharpening and a touch of gaussian blur to soften it a bit. play around with sharpening!! find the right way for you!!! i do suggest to use double sharpening, it makes the difference in the world!!

4. coloring

tbh i’m still learning to color my gifs until now. but i think the contrast and brightness play some parts too. i just notice if the gifs are wayyyyy too bright it’ll lose it’s quality, the same when it’s over saturated. so i guess find the balance!!!

5. cropping/sizing

i always crop my gifs first before i sharpen them, i even crop them before i convert them to smart filter. idk but to me it’s better that way. follow the size that tumblr allows to ensure better quality!! since the beginning i set the width to be the tumblr size e.g. 540px with this setting of cropping and the height just kinda follows it. like i calculate what the height would be if i want the aspect ratio to be 3:2 or 5:4. gosh i hope this makes sense

6. exporting

ok so i dont really understand the science behind the option but this page goes into the great details between the difference settings. i almost exclusively use selective and diffusion with 100 dither and 256bit color. as always play around!! not every gif will be suitable with that setting or if you even like that setting.

7. screencapping

i dont really know if you screencap makes the quality better, but i do know it’s just easier to screencap than uh cutting the video in photoshop- especially when you try to gif a movie! i use potplayer (idk if it’s available on mac tho?)

this is my settings for screencap!

after you have your screenshoted scenes, load them onto photoshop like this!

and just do your usual giffing process.

this gif tutorial is incredibly detailed and i recommend to read it if you havent!

i think that’s it!! sorry if it’s so long and not really understandable fjsj ask me if you have questions!!!!

Daddy’s Little Princess

Fandom: Chicago PD

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Wife!Reader

Warning/s: Fluff, medical talk (nothing graphic)

Word Count: 1.5k+

Requests:  “Hi! I just saw you posting about your empty inbox so here I am... I was thinking maybe dad!Jay, anything would suffice, just overall fluffy. I'm in desperate need of some fluff and comfort.” And “Would you be able to do a Jay Halstead one-shot, please. There isn’t as much on him anymore” 

A/N: I hope it’s what you were expect. I tried my best to grasp Daddy!Jay concept and I’m hoping I did that. 

A/N: I woke up the other morning to 20 requests after making a post about my imbox being empty. That makes me so happy that I have the stuff to write now, and I will say that some of them were very similar to each other so I might combine those. Now I have a lot to get done, so bare with me while I work on them on as fast as I can.

Masterlist Mobile Masterlist

“Alright princess what are we coloring?” Jay walked over to Ava who was sitting at the kitchen table coloring. Jay placed a juice box in front of Ava before slightly lifted her to sit her on his lap.

“A picture for Mommy.” Ava took a sip of her juice before continuing to color. After a few minutes of coloring with Jay, Ava spoke up again. “Daddy, I want a sibling.”

Jay stopped coloring as he was in complete shock at what his daughter had just said. “You want a little brother or sister?” Ava nodded her head as she continues to color. Jay took that as his cue to let it be as he was still a little shocked about the conversation.

You had planned on being home for dinner tonight, but there was a pile-up on the highway, and the ED was flooded with patients. So, instead, you grabbed a quick snack in-between patients. It was now 7 pm and you were finally on your way out and you couldn’t wait to get home to your husband and daughter. As you headed out of the ED, you said goodbye to both Maggie and April and scurried out of the ED so you couldn’t be stopped by anyone else. After a 20min drive, you pulled into the driveway next to Jay’s truck and quickly headed into the house. The moment you walked into the house, laughter and screams filled the room which caused the smile on your face to grow even bigger.

You leaned against the doorway to the living room to see Jay on the floor tickling your daughter. “Daddy! Let me go!” Your daughter screamed as she tried to get out of Jay’s grip. Seeing Jay with your daughter made your heart swell in your chest. When you had found out you were pregnant with your daughter, both you and Jay had just gotten married and hadn’t planned on having kids so soon into your marriage, but the universe had other plans for the two of you.

“Mommy!” Ava managed to get out of Jay’s grip, sprinted around the couch, and hid behind your legs.

“Torching our daughter again?” You smirked at Jay as he rounded the couch to stand in front of you. You uncrossed your arms from your chest before rubbing your daughter's back.

“I would never.” As you turned around, you bent over and holstered Ava up on your hip. Jay reached over and tickled your daughter one last time.

“Daddy!” Ava wiggled around in your hands causing you to let out a small chuckle.

“Well now that you tickled her to death, I think it’s time for a bath.” Your daughter's face lit up like a Christmas tree. Ava loved taking baths she always has since she was a baby. “What do you say? You want mommy or daddy to give you a bath?"

“I want…” Ava paused for a moment, pretending to think who she was going to choose, even though you know actually who she was going to choose. “I want Daddy.” Ava reached out for Jay which he took as his cue to take her from your arms.

“Such a daddy’s girl.” You mumbled underneath your breath as a smirk formed on Jay and you knew he heard you.

“Don’t worry. Your still my number one girl.” Jay whispered against your ear as he walked past you and up the stairs.

“Ha. Yeah right. She’s got you wrapped around her finger real tight.” You chuckled as you headed into the living to see toys all over the floor. The place had looked like a mini-tornado had ripped through the small living space, which technically your daughter was a mini-tornado.

Once Ava was settled in the bathtub, Jay handed Ava her toys before sitting down on the floor. Jay loved being a father and to be honest he never thought he would become a father let alone a husband. Jay has had some rocky past relationships that he never thought he would find someone, but then you came along, and it changed everything. The first time the two of you meet was when you were a resident at Med, and he was a patrol officer and he had brought in a victim that needed medical attention. Jay smiled as he watched Ava splash around in the tub.

After Ava finished her bath, the two of them went into her bedroom to change her into PJs. “Okay, which Pjs, do you want to wear tonight?” Jay set Ava down on her bed with her still wrapped in a towel.

“Frozen.” Ava chirped up with a smile on her face. Frozen was of course Ava’s favorite movie at the moment, actually, any Disney movie was her favorite movie, but Frozen was number one at the moment.

“Of course, that’s the one you pick.” Jay let out a soft chuckle while grabbing the Frozen PJs from the top drawer of the dresser. Jay walked over to Ava and changed her into her PJs then moved on her comb her hair.

Once Jay finished with Ava’s hair, she went over to her bookshelf to pick out her bedtime story. “I wanna read this one.” Ava handed Jay a book before jumping on the bed.

“Okay, this one it is.” Jay pulled back the cover on the bed as Ava crawled to the top of the bed. Once Ava was settled underneath the covers, Jay sat next to her and started reading to her. Ava was 100% a daddy’s girl and Jay knew it and loved it.

While Jay was doing Ava’s bedtime routine, you had cleaned up the living room which had toys all over the floor then you had moved on to the kitchen which had dished piled high. After finishing the dishes, you headed upstairs to check on Jay and Ava. As you stopped outside of Ava’s bedroom, you leaned against the doorframe with your arms against your chest as you saw Jay laying the bed with Ava reading her a bedtime story. Ava was curled up against Jay’s side as he quietly read her favorite book. Jay was an amazing dad and husband, and you couldn’t imagine your life without him. After watching Jay for a few more seconds, you pushed yourself away from the doorframe and headed into the bedroom you shared with Jay. You headed into the bathroom, stripped out of your scrubs, and changed into a pair of shorts along with one of Jay’s old shirts.

You exited the bathroom to see Jay walking into the bedroom. “Oh, yeah. She not daddy’s little princess.” You smirked to yourself as Jay closed the door behind him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jay placed the baby monitor on top of the dresser before coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. “No need to be jealous. Like I said earlier, your still my number girl.” Jay whispered.

“I’m not jealous of a three-year-old.” You leaned back in his arms just as Jay placed a soft kiss on the back of your head.

“So, I had an interesting conversation with our daughter today.” Jay unwrapped his arms from your waist, before stripping out of his flannel shirt.

“Well, any conversation with Ava is interesting.” You chuckled as you sat down on the edge of the bed while watching Jay empty his pockets onto the top of the dresser.

“Oh, well this one was very interesting.” Once Jay finished empty his pockets, he turned to face you. “She wants a sibling.”

“Oh.” Honestly, you weren’t shocked that Ava wants a sibling, she was an only child, and she has mentioned it a few times before. The truth was you have been thinking about having more kids lately, you just haven’t had the chance to talk to Jay about it, but maybe now was the perfect time.

“Oh? That all you got?” Jay crossed his arms against his chest while raising an eyebrow at you.

“Well,” you paused for a moment trying to gather your thoughts. “Maybe it’s time.”

“Are you saying what I think you're saying?” Jay uncrossed his arms while sitting down next to you.

You turned to face Jay while sitting crisscross. “Honestly, I have been thinking about it a lot recently and I know we haven’t talked about it in a while and-”

“I want another one, too.” Jay reached over your lap and grab your hand. “You know I love both you and Ava more than anything and I would love nothing more than to expand our family.”

A smile grew on your face before reaching over with your free hand and cupped his face. “So, we are doing this then?”

“Yeah, we are.” Jay leaned forward and softly collide his lips with yours. You smiled through the kiss as you wrapped your arm around his neck and uncrossed your legs in the process. You continued kissing him hungrily wanting more. His hands made their way to your waist and pulled you onto his lap. You wrapped your one arm around his neck while the other arm gripped his upper arm.

“I love you.” You whispered against his lips as you slightly pulled away.

“I love you more,” Jay whispered back before reconnecting his lips to yours.

Jay Halstead Taglist: @brithedemonspawn​ @baker151910​ @samanthavitale​​@nerd-88​  @mssleepy876b​ @hehurst23​ @anotheronechicagobog​ @skyofficialxx​ @beautiful-bunny89​ @panaitbeatrice​@winterberryfox​ @itsmycorneroftheinternet​

Where the squad likes to be touched

Adler

This may come as a surprise...

But it's definitely his jaw

He's undeniably a handsome man, but sometimes, in rare moments of vanity, he worries his scar detracts from it all

And although he's never admitted this to you (yet), or anyone for that matter...

It's quite nice to have someone give that area some affection, as though the scar tissue isn't even there

There's a certain way to how you hold the bone structure between your fingers and stroke along it that feels so...

Good

Especially if he has a little stubble growing out

If that's the case, reversing the motion and going against the hair grain works wonders

Suffice to say, it turns him to puddy in your hand

Hudson

The top of his head

Only you are allowed to touch this area

And even then, only in private

It's actually quite the honor, considering he'd probably break the arm of anyone else who tried it

Anyway, you know how he always keeps it shaved?

Well it's not just good for checking your reflection

The skin is surprisingly soft with a touch of peach fuzz

Thus, perfect for a scalp massage

Or, if the stubble grows out a little, it can be just as nice I'm other ways

All the little prickly hairs make for an absolute circuit board of good feels, both for you and him

Besides, have you met the people he works with?

If anyone needs a nice head rub now and then, it's Hudson

Mason

Definitely his hands

He's been through a lot, and his career isn't even over yet

So while it may not seem like much to you, something as simple as holding his hand is extremely special to him

He hopes you don't mind if he squeezes a bit from time to time

Mostly because he tends to grip a bit too hard, which of course he follows up with profuse apologies

However, it’s not much of a big deal to you, you tell him

You’re glad it’s grounding for him, especially after his nightmares or during other triggers

However, there is an enjoyability to it as well

His hands are very callused from working, a far cry from how wonderfully soft yours are

He also likes how your hands fit perfectly inside his big, broad palms

Feeling you trace his knuckles and tendons drives him crazy

And you know what?

Sometimes it really is the little things in life that matter most

Park

Her hips, 100%

In a work field almost entirely over run with men, it's nice to feel like a woman now and then

Besides, have you ever had a good hip massage?

They are revolutionary

Especially if you do a lot of leg work, like Park and the gang

So if you have some magic fingers, she'd be extremely grateful

And if not, even just a gentle caress is nice!

It makes her feel like she's yours, like she can trust you

Plus, it's a great, subtle move if you ever needed to pull off a couples disguise

She's not adverse to some fake dating should the need arise after all

But if she lets you pull this off outside of the field...

Well needless to say, you can definitely consider yourself lucky if you've reached this level of intimacy with her

Weaver

His chest

Whether it's shirt on or off, it's all good to him

As a man with quite a blocky body type, he's broad and naturally muscular, but not quite as toned as most of the others

Of course, getting older and working a desk job have not helped the latter factor

This results in him feeling a bit like he doesn't have a body to be proud of in the first place

And while he doesn't particularly mind, he's not to keen on having his face touched either, for obvious reasons

But before you threw in the towel on finding his soft spot, it came to you by accident

Each morning before he goes to work you fix his tie for him and straighten out any wrinkles in his shirt, making sure to put in a little thumb work across his broad pects

It's subtle, almost as though he doesn't want to enjoy it, but you found pretty quickly that he was leaning into your touch at that

Thankfully, in good, steady Weaver fashion he gets comfortable with you and himself soon enough

From there, it isn't long until it becomes a favorite absent minded rubbing spot for you two

Woods

His abs

Even if you just look at them, he's down for it

But he does enjoy feeling your fingers go over the little bumps

As a true macho type, he likes when you admire his "manly" qualities

Especially as he gets older

He's very much a "See? I've still got it!" type of guy

Which is why I specify his abs and not like his stomach ect. in general

If he ever got to an age where he lost sight of them, he'd be extremely self conscious and wouldn't want you touching around there at all

Or at least, it would take a good bit of reassurance from you to bring him back around

But for now, you can't help but give into his little vanity show, if for no other reason to make him happy

Not to mention a properly done stomach rub feels amazing

And although he'd die before admitting he lets you do that type of stuff...

Really, it's the bonding time with you that he loves

AU-gust 2021 Prompts

3. Hipsters / 16. Hippies

Erik detests hipsters and hippies and, to be honest, isn’t even sure what the difference is, nor does he particularly care. The things he will do for Charles…

Modern AU. Still have powers. Grumpy Erik. Adorable Charles. Meet Cute. Silliness.

3392 Words

*

Erik hated everything about this place.

Absolutely everything.

He could write a dissertation on its failings, which were abundant.

Its first sin was being directly across from his apartment building. When he looked out his window, he saw it. When he stepped out of the lobby doors, he saw it. When he pulled his car out of the parking garage, he saw it. It was an unavoidable part of every single day of his life.

Its second sin was what it had replaced. Previously, there had been a diner. A kosher diner. A diner that had tasted like his childhood. It had been a hole in the wall, never looked quite clean, but the coffee had been strong enough to caffeinate an elephant and the food almost as good as his mama’s. Most people had passed it by. Just another slightly dingy New York eatery that you didn’t give a second thought. Quiet. A refuge for those in the know. Then came the hipster gentrification, ruining not only his precious diner, but the neighbourhood in general.

Its third sin was its name. Plant. In and of itself the name ‘Plant’ was harmless, inoffensive. Just a word. It conjured images of a vegan eatery, bistro, restaurant, or maybe if taken 100% literally, a store that sold plants. All of which would have been fine. He had nothing against plants and, sure, he ate meat (kosher meat), but happily ate vegetarian dishes as well. But no, it was not a plant store or even a vegan eatery, it was a vegan coffeehouse. Coffee came from plants, Erik knew this, so the name passed on that technicality, but it did not scream ‘coffee.’ Why not ‘Bean’ if it needed to conform to the trendy one-word-naming that had for reasons unknown come with the gentrification. It was couched between ‘Table’ (a restaurant) and ‘Sweat’ (a boutique gym). Plant did not equal coffee, and that knowledge crawled under his skin every time he saw the stylized lettering.

Its fourth sin was the coffee. Erik wasn’t particularly picky about his brew, whether at home or out. Cheap diner swill, the finest Italian espresso, the Keurig at the office, the ridiculously expensive machine that produced the perfect cappuccino at Emma’s apartment, whatever. Plant’s beans were fine as beans went, the roast satisfactory, but then ruined with its accompaniments. They carried a variety of ‘mylks.’ Yes, with a ‘y’. He preferred lattes, and would have been fine with oat or almond— if only it was spelled with a fucking ‘i’. Every time he saw the pretentious letter, he felt the urge to take a sharpie and commit as many acts of misdemeanour graffiti as necessary until all the ‘y’s were gone.

Its fifth sin was its staff. He could have tolerated their always sunny dispositions (even if it were literally impossible for any customer service employee to be that happy all the time). He could have tolerated their ridiculous hipster (or was it hippy?) apparel, moustaches, beards and hairstyles (what was even the difference between the two?). What he could not handle was the way they called him ‘friend.’ Every. Single. Time. He could count his friends on one hand and none of them worked at Plant. Their ‘peace, love and joy’ vibe made him grind his teeth and wish he had a mutation that would allow him to send them back to the 1960s.

And yet…

“Good morning friend! Amazing day, right?” It was, in fact, pouring so hard the streets were borderline flooding. “Usual? Or do you want to try—”

Erik had long ago learned to immediately tune out the suggestions, but was sure he caught the word ‘sage.’ Who in their right fucking mind wanted sage in their coffee? Yes, he was inside the loathed establishment wasting precious brain cells wondering why anyone felt the need to mess with the simple perfection that was coffee and milk. Yes, he was there often enough that the employees knew him on sight. Yes, he had a usual order.

It wasn’t his fault.

It really wasn’t.

It was the fault of a pair of the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

This shouldn’t have been the case. The whole thing was ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. The entire story more at home on the W Network or Hallmark, than in his very real, not-a-rom-com, life. And yet, here he was, having his 24th latte with mylk in a row and questioning his very sanity.

It had all started, just over a month ago, directly in front of Plant. To this day, Erik wasn’t sure whose fault it had been. He’d been on his phone, eviscerating a junior partner for a monstrous fuck up, and so livid that he was not at all paying attention to his surroundings. The blue-eyed man he’d run into, however, had claimed equal distraction, so perhaps the blame rested on both of their shoulders.

They had crashed into each other— papers flew, his phone flipped through the air and they ended up in a heap on the sidewalk, Erik atop the smaller frame beneath him. Already late for work, already pissed off with the junior partner beyond reason, Erik had been ready to re-direct his anger and tear whoever it was a new one, when the aforementioned blue eyes had arrested the words in his throat. He had admitted this to no one. Hell, he barely admitted it in the sanctity of his own mind because he was not a 12 year old girl, but a senior partner in one of the most prestigious architecture firms in New York. He did not go soft over a pair of gorgeous eyes (except, apparently, that he did), particularly when he hadn’t even seen the face that went with the eyes, which could have been grotesquely unattractive (it wasn’t).

The mouth that went with the eyes was absurdly red and absurdly kissable. The face angelic. To his eternal, internal embarrassment he had thought that exact word— angelic. He wished he could have blamed his temporary insanity on hitting his head, but having fallen on top, he couldn’t. If anyone had a concussion it was the ocean-eyed, ruby-lipped angel man. The ruby lips had spluttered apologies in a gorgeous British accent (not something Erik had until now found to be a turn on) as they scrambled off each other, righting clothes and belongings.

“Your phone!” the man had moaned. “Is it all right?”

The screen did appear to have a crack, but in another moment of lunacy, Erik pocketed it before the Angel could see and muttered something about it being fine. Instead, Erik helped him to collect the papers that had fluttered every which way, including the road, where they were already being demolished by a steady stream of vehicles.

“I hope those weren’t important.”

The man laughed, it was a very nice sound. “Not as such, no. I’m sure my students will be delighted to hear that their papers were torn asunder. They already mock me for printing them at all. I could mark them on my laptop like a proper 21st century individual, but there’s something about the feel of paper and pen that I just cannot let go of. It’s— and, as I go on and see your expression, I realize a simple ‘no’ likely would have sufficed.”

What did he see in Erik’s expression? A man besotted? Enamoured? Smitten? Any other number of words he had never used in regard to himself or anyone else in his entire life? Fuck. Erik tried to school has face into its usual disdain for the world and ninety-nine percent of the people in it, but if he was as in control of his facial muscles as he was of his thoughts, he knew he was failing miserably.

Erik handed him the last of the papers they could possibly retrieve. “I agree— about the pen and paper, I mean.” He did. As incredible as design software was these days, he always started on paper. The precision needed to draw the perfect straight lines and angles of a new building gave him a feeling of immense satisfaction in a way little else did.

“Oh, well, glad I’m not the only one who hasn’t forsaken the old ways.”

His smile.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Erik cleared his throat. “Let me buy you a coffee.”

Had he just said that?

Traitorous voice.

Was he gesturing at Plant?

Traitorous body.

He’d never been inside. On principle. Apparently, principle flew out the window for charming British men with cornflower (cornflower?!) blue eyes. The man blinked those eyes, as though not expecting the kindness.

Erik gestured at the papers. “I’ve clearly set your work back and I’ve ruined your—” cardigan. Erik blinked as his clothes came into focus. The man he was suddenly, desperately, attracted to was wearing a baggy, grandpa cardigan. Erik began to wonder if he had never woken up that morning. Maybe he was still in bed, across the street. Maybe this was a fever dream.

“Oh! I’ve dozens more just like it. It’s nothing.” He swatted ineffectually at the dirt covering one sleeve.

“Please.”

The man cocked his head. “Well… all right.”

So Erik had. In the end it had been a tea, not coffee. Earl grey with mylk. The interaction had ended there, awkwardly. Most likely his own fault. He didn’t do flirting with random strangers he’d just plowed into on the street. He didn’t generally do flirting at all. Moreover, he was now very late and had the junior partner’s fuck ups to fix before this afternoon’s meeting with their client. So, he’d left, stumbling over his goodbyes.

The day that followed hadn’t afforded much opportunity to think on the chance encounter. Not with employees to castrate and clients to placate. It wasn’t until he was home, looking out the bank of front windows at Plant that his thoughts drifted back to Blue Eyes. Which was, unfortunately, what he had christened him in his head because he’d never gotten the man’s name. Erik had gone to bed, mind clouded with thoughts, dreamt of him, and woken up with those same thoughts. Emma had always said his was one of the most disciplined minds she had ever encountered.

So much for that.

It was only a complete loss of that discipline that could possibly explain why he’d unnecessarily crossed the street the next morning and entered the obnoxious establishment for a second time, without even a moment’s hesitation. His eyes had immediately scanned for a mop of just overlong brown hair (yes, he’d noted that too, as well as just how much he wanted to run his hands through it). When they’d landed upon said hair, curling delightfully upon Blue Eyes’ forehead, Erik had been genuinely surprised. This clearly made the man a Plant regular, which should have been a point against him — a massive point — yet here Erik was, seeking him out regardless. Blue Eyes had looked up at him then, gifting him with a smile and acknowledging him with a nod, before returning to a set of what Erik had to guess were re-printed term papers.

Such was the story of how Erik had become a regular customer with a regular order.

Most days Blue Eyes was there before he came in, sometimes working on laptop or in a notebook, other times reading a book or a journal. Erik had caught a title once — The Oxford Journal of Genetics — which led him to conclude, that along with clearly being a professor, this proved the man must have a brain to back up the looks. Another point in his favour, as Erik had no patience for stupidity, no matter how pretty a package it came in.

Erik’s day was such that he usually needed to take his order to go. The few days where he could scrape together a few extra minutes, he grabbed his own table. He hadn’t once attempted to kid himself that it was because he enjoyed the ambience— that level of denial would have been absurd. No, it was clearly so he could spend a few extra minutes trying to stare, in a way that wasn’t blatantly obvious, at his… crush. Crush. He might as well think the word because that’s what it was. Only days after meeting him, Erik had caught himself, pen poised, about to doodle hearts on his notepad at a meeting. The mental pinch and knowing look Emma had sent his way had made him extra testy for the rest of the day. The wide berth everyone but Emma had given him was a testament to that.

And yet…

He never approached Blue Eyes. They exchanged nods, occasional hellos, but never anything more. Out of all of his out of character behaviour — and there was a lot of it at this point — this rattled him most. Erik had a reputation in professional and personal circles. He was confident, forbidding, occasionally arrogant, and brazen in pursuing designs no one else thought possible to execute. Erik went after what he wanted in life with borderline fanaticism.

He did not sit and observe from afar, mentally warring with himself, while also berating himself, for not having the balls to ask to join him, or buy him another tea, or inquire as to what he was reading. There were any number of conversational openings, but 24th latte in, he still hadn’t taken any of them. With each passing day the side of him that decided against it (or ‘chickened out’ as the nastier part of his mind supplied) became stronger and stronger. Blue Eyes hadn’t engaged with him either. Maybe he wasn’t gay. Maybe Erik wasn’t his type. Maybe he was already in a relationship. The chances that he was being just as melodramatic as Erik was being in his own head seemed slim. So, Erik continued to act foolish — alternately wondering how long he would continue to do so and how good a kisser Blue Eyes might be with lips like that.

It was on latte #26 that everything changed— no thanks to Erik.

He had decided to sit at a table that day and engage in his usual ‘I’m staring but I’m not staring’ routine. He was in the ‘not-staring’ portion, scrolling through his emails without really paying attention to any of them, when he was startled out of it by the chair across from him suddenly becoming occupied.

Blue Eyes.

“I can’t take it anymore.”

“Wha—”

“You come in here every day. Every day. Sometimes you stay, sometimes you don’t. It’s baffling because there is one thing I know for certain— you hate it here. No, you loathe it. And, there are literally dozens of other coffee houses within walking distance. You clearly don’t belong—” Blue Eyes gestured up and down at what was likely Erik’s three piece suit, then at Plant in general, where there wasn’t a single person so much as sporting dress pants. Erik counted at least two man buns, one head of dreadlocks and a form of baggy pants Erik didn’t even have a name for. “—and I am fascinated by things that don’t belong. Things that don’t make sense. Puzzles. You don’t make sense. There is no way the coffee is that good. And yet, here you are. Oh! Where are my manners? I’m Charles.”

Blue Eyes — no, Charles — extended his hand across the table and, reflexively, Erik took it, shaking it gingerly.

Charles laughed. “I don’t bite. I entirely talk too much, ask anyone, but I don’t bite.”

Erik rather wished that he did.

“How did you— my suit?”

Thankfully, Charles seemed to follow his meaning. “Oh no, the suit is only corroborating evidence. As is the way you look down your nose at everything in here. It’s your mind.” Charles tapped his temple. “Telepath. I swear to you I haven’t dug any deeper than the surface swirl of utter distaste for this establishment. Then I’d know, wouldn’t I? Wouldn’t be here asking.”

Telepath. Blue E— Charles was a mutant. Erik was fairly certain his knees went a little weak. Good thing they were sitting. However… what on earth could he say? ‘I’ve essentially been stalking you’ hardly seemed like an opener that was going to get him where he wanted to be. Erik cleared his throat, buying time, as those keen eyes continued to look at him expectantly. While Erik wasn’t verbose, he also never found himself at a loss for words, except for here and now, where the truth was exceptionally embarrassing.

His pause, it seemed, went on too long because Charles jumped back into the fray. “Good lord, I’ve ambushed you, haven’t I? Clearly, you don’t have to answer the mad man who mowed you down on the sidewalk and then ambushed the peaceful solitude of your morning coffee. I apologize and will bugger right off if you tell me to. However, if it helps any, I don’t like it here either. It’s trying too bloody hard to be ‘on trend,’ isn’t it? For a cultural subset who pride themselves on not being pretentious they’ve entirely failed, haven’t they? And, I’m English, I know pretentious.” He laughed self-depreciatingly at that.

A beat for his mind to catch up to the second verbal barrage and Erik finally had a response. “If you like it as little as I do, then why are you here?”

Charles’ mouth formed a perfect little ‘o’ of surprise. He scratched the back of his neck and, for a moment, looked everywhere but Erik. “Blast. I’m caught, aren’t I?”

His cheeks reddened adorably. Since when did Erik find anything adorable? Since now, apparently. This man broke all of his rules.

Charles gave an adorable (christ) little shrug of his shoulders. “I suppose I best come clean.” He looked Erik squarely in the eye. “You’re gorgeous. You bought me tea. I came back thinking I’d ask you out. But you’re so… I lost my nerve. Have been doing the same daily ever since.”

“I’m so… ?”

The cheeks reddened further.

“Entirely too gorgeous for me.” Charles gestured at today’s grandfatherly cardigan. “Besides that—”

“You’re perfect.”

Fucking hell. When had his mind decided to say things without his permission?

It produced another, adorable, surprised little ‘o’. “I’m sorry— What?”

In for a penny…

“I had never set foot in Plant before we crashed into each other. Never would have because I do hate everything about it. Everything except you, who I thought were a regular—”

“I thought you were a regular.”

“— and wanted to ask you out.”

“I’d never been here before ei— you wanted to ask me out?”

They stopped, collective words sinking into respective minds.

Charles threw his head back, laughing. “If I didn’t know better—“ He tapped his temple again. “— I’d think you’re having me on.”

His laughter was infectious and Erik found he was smiling despite himself. He gave his own little shrug. “I don’t lie.”

“No, you don’t, do you? I can’t believe we both—”

“Me either.”

“This is too much. Wait… Why are we still here?”

“I’m sorry?”

Charles leaned forward and plucked Erik’s latte with oat mylk from his hand. “Can I buy you a coffee? A real coffee? Where they know how to spell the word milk? At the cafe I actually frequented before I began co-starring with you in a romcom so terrible my sister wouldn’t even watch it?”

He was already standing up, as if assured Erik would say yes, which every single bone in his body was blaring loudly for him to do. It didn’t seem to matter to any part of him that he would be blowing off work, a thought he discarded as quickly as it appeared. Just another out of character thing to add to the list. He followed. “I’m Erik, by the way.”

Charles looked back, as he collected his belongings, and grinned sheepishly. “I know.”

That was the last time Erik set foot in Plant until exactly a year later. He ordered latte #27 with Blue-Eyed Charles on his arm, after having crossed the street from their apartment, to celebrate their first anniversary. As Charles smiled at him over his Earl Gray with mylk, Erik found he couldn’t quite hate the damned coffee shop as much as he had before.

Hello I am back :) Could you do headcanons on a camping trip with the Crusader group? (technically they do camp a lot already, just in a desert and with no supplies haha)

Platonic! Crusaders x Gn Readers

so I made this platonic and gn like your last request because I wasn't too sure I hope you like this! also I would LOVE to go camping with them.

All canon goes out the window except for the characters for this one, lets say y’all are going camping in the forest ( i live in the forest)

First things first, it’d be extremely hard to get all of them together for a camping trip if I’m honest with you

Joseph and Avdol would be the most receptive to going camping with you the others would take some work to get. 

First, bribe iggy if you want him to go and he probably would! 

Polnareff doesn’t really like the lack of civilization and pleasantries but he would go if you even slightly pouted and gave him puppy eyes if you are younger than him he’d probably see you as a younger sibling and would do almost anything you say.  

Next is Kakyoin he’s probably more interested in studying, and games to actually want to go into the forest for a weekend or more. But with the promise of beautiful nature that he could draw he reluctantly agrees 

The hardest would be Jotaro. He doesn’t want to be around anyone for that length of time. He’s also probably the second most wrapped around your finger next to Polnareff which is surprising. You’re honestly convinced that he won’t go, even though you gave him puppy eyes and even bribed him… and he was planning on not going till he saw every one

It was like a couple of hours before you guys were leaving as you were packing everything into a car Jotatro out of nowhere just loads his own things into it and helps with the other supplies. You almost wanted to say something but you decided to save him the embarrassment. Polnareff wasn’t as kind.

The gang drove for a good while before you stopped at a gas station and got snacks while the old man filled the tank, you, kak, and Jotaro were in one aisle arguing about what snacks would suffice for everyone till Gigi finally came in and reminded you all to get anything… the dudes has a shit ton of money he can get you all a good amount of snacks-

Kakyoin in a car sleeper, he’ll be awake for maybe 30 min before he passes out give or take so if you choose to sit next to him you are a pillow. 

On the other hand, Jotaro never sleeps in the car even if his eyes are closed, he has too much anxiety.

Polnareff gets carsick i feel it.

OKAY, you finally get to a campsite!

Let’s go with tent camping!

You and Kakyoin get the job of clearing any rocks or sticks in the sight and securing your food and perishables in the car.

Polnareff and Avdol are paired and Joot and Gigi are paired to get the tent(s) set up they are fighting and bickering at each other the whole time it’s free reality t.v. 

I think yall would get one of those big ass tents that have connecting rooms because grandpa is loaded 

No one packed fire starters because of Magician’s Red. Easy. plus that fire would burn on nothing and go out fully with Avdols comment so not bad. 

Smores for sure I don’t know if other countries know about smores but if not Gigi is 100% explaining it if your American you should be passionate about this subject too.

When it comes time to sleep … pick your poison I personally would sleep with Jotaro and Kakyoin because they seem quiet but are night owls. 

Iggy good luck he farts in his sleep 

Gigi probably snores really loud… the same as Pol but Pol also tosses and turns a lot. He has to pee at least 15 times during the night as well. 

Avdol would be very warm but probably quiet and eerily still, he’s an early morning person too.

The next few days are you all enjoying hikes and swimming in maybe a lake or river if there is one, once again you’d probably have to force Jotaro into the water if you wanted him to swing but Gigi would throw him in.

Joseph does feel like the dad type to casually push his kids in bodies of water so lookout 

If you can swim… learn you’ll have to if you’re afraid of water well…. Good luck. 

You could even have the option to meditate with Avdol

Kakyoin would offer to draw you.

Polnareff would give piggyback rides if your tired from hikes no matter your size so if you plus size like me Polpol got you no problem.

It would be a fun trip, but now you all have to go home 

Star Platinum now knowing how tents work could probably take it down and put it away with frightening accuracy, but a real time saver!

The car ride back would probably be less loud than the ride to the location due to everyone being tired. 

They would probably do this again even Jotaro enjoyed himself a lot though he’d never admit it… Star Plat does tho he looked so happy whenever Jotaro summoned him.

The Crows and their love languages

I Don’t know if this has already been done, but this is my interpretation of the love languages of the Crows, feel free to disagree but this is what I felt best fit the characters based on what I’ve read/seen.

Nina

Without a question as both a giver and a receiver, Nina’s love language is physical contact. Though she is seen displaying every other love language, it is through touch that Nina appears to benefit the most. She is offended and subsequently worried about her relationship with Matthias when he avoids touching her and still hadn’t kissed her. Through Inej’s POV, we see a lot of hugs and touches given by Nina. She even uses touch as a heartrender. For her job at the White Rose she is required to touch people to improve their mood and change their appearance. But to focus on the first one, she literally uses touch to make people happy. It makes the most sense to associate Nina with physical contact, which also might be the reason that she and Kaz don’t get along.

Matthias

I found Matthias to actually be the hardest to figure out, he doesn’t really display any specific patterns when it comes to displaying affection. I would say that it is physical contact but he seems to avoid a lot of physical contact with Nina to stay in accordance with the Fjerdan tradition. I guess the love language I see the most with Matthias as both a giver and receiver is acts of service. When he recalls his mother, he remembers aiding her when she was pregnant, he offers on several occasions to do things for Nina, he considers Jarl Brum, a man he was in service as a soldier to, as a father figure. As a receiver, his reaction to Inej’s sacrifice on the first boat indicates that he values acts of service. Additionally, he begins to like Nina (in flashbacks) after she had helped save his life and worked to keep him alive. There are other examples of acts of service being his love language, but I think this suffices.

Wylan

 100% he is in need of some words of affirmation. Though we don’t really see his interactions with the other crows as much since he doesn’t have his own perspective in SOC, in Crooked Kingdom and in the times we see Wylan in Six of Crows, his usage of words of affirmation is evident. As a receiver, he is seen to want approval desperately from his father, to take offense easily at teasing from the other crows, he seems to tie a lot to words. As a giver, his preference for words of affirmation is even more abundant in example. He is always seen giving pep talks to Jesper and is mystified when Kaz refuses to admit the importance of Inej, he becomes angry at the lack of acknowledgement of her merit, of her significance to Kaz. Wylan appears to gather strength from words of affirmation, in fact, after he shares his inability to read with Kaz, it is Kaz’s response that gives him the strength to share with others and even embrace his disability. As a child who so rarely got words of encouragement and affirmation, it makes sense that he places such importance on this particular love language.

Jesper 

Jesper is an interesting case, he, like Nina, likes to utilize all of the love languages. However there are two that he really hones in on. As a giver he is seen to use physical touch and occasionally words of affirmation, as a receiver he requires words of affirmation. Focusing on Jesper as a receiver, the beginning of SOC establishes words of affirmation as his primary love language. He is hurt when Kaz doesn’t acknowledge his trust in Jesper and is seen multiple times throughout the book with hurt feelings when he is excluded from the secrets Kaz shares with Inej, he wants the affirmation of his close relationship with Kaz through the sharing of secrets. As a giver, Jesper uses two different languages. In regards to physical contact, he is shown using this love language a lot with others, there are a plethora of examples within both books, it is shown that he relies on this mode a lot. However, he also employs words of affirmation, the best example of which I can think of is when he lies to Inej about Kaz visiting her to spare her feelings. Though the effort didn’t work, Jesper’s nature is exposed here for being one of comforting words regardless of their accuracy. The other example I think of is from the beginning of Six of Crows, where Kaz remarks that Jesper would pacify the dregs and make Kaz’s victory belong to them all and would boost them up. He is evidently known for his use in this love language, and therefore is still relatively evenly between the two methods of affection.

Inej

Inej uses two different love languages, one as a giver and one as a receiver. As a giver, Inej employs words of affirmation. This can be seen through her various pep-talks given out to the other crows, in her kind words to her hurting friends, and in her exchanges with Kaz. She is good at encouragement and her words are shown to have an impact, specifically seen with exchanges she has with Jesper and Kaz (they both think about and mull over her words in their inner monologues). It is through words she connects with others, however she has relationships and important connections that more often than not do not supply her with words of affirmation back. This leads into her receiver love language, this being quality time. This is not the most intuitive love language for Inej, but through analyzing her character it is plain to see that it is this love language that she responds to the most. The way that Inej recalls her family and her father is through her fond memories of them, is through the good times she spent with them. She does not simply remember her family through traits or through objects or even through words but through scenes, and through the memories that contain the words she remembers. Additionally, when injured on the Ferolind, she requests that Nina stay and spend time with her, she values her presence. With Kaz this love language is a little harder to scope out, after all their relationship also contains acts of service, gift giving, and little bursts of words of affirmation, but Inej seems to appreciate and respond the most to the quality time she spends with Kaz. She is hurt when she learns that he didn’t visit while she was unconscious, there are countless examples of wordless communication as they spend time together, Kaz even points out that he “is here” with Inej, he is present and there to help her, something that she subsequently responds to. In a way, Inej’s relationship with Kaz is unique from her other relationship in that it requires every love language (even physical contact) but quality time is in many ways a significant one.

Kaz

Now that I’ve gone on a tangent for Inej, we finally reach our most complex character when it comes to love languages (I’m sorry please prepare for another tangent). To be clear, Kaz’s love languages are not difficult to decipher from the vantage point of a reader but the way he expresses himself to other characters is in a complex manner that was formed from his upbringing and past trauma. As a giver it is plain and obvious that Kaz is a gift giver, he is constantly seen practicing this love language. He gifts Jesper his guns back after he loses them in Crooked Kingdom, He gifts Wylan his family fortune back. He even yearns to gift his dead brother his avengeance in the form of taking down Pekka Rollins. Of course, this love language can be viewed the most in his interactions with Inej. He notoriously gifts her a ship “The Wraith”, he gifts her her parents, he even gifts her freedom by buying her contract from Per Haskell, each gift allowing her the future she so desires. Although these gifts pain him, although he wants her to stay with him, he still gives and provides her with these tools, because he loves her, because he wants to express to her how much she means to him. Kaz is not a character who outwardly expresses his feelings very often, but through his gift giving it is shown that he does appreciate those around him, that he does care about others. As a receiver however, Kaz appears to appreciate the love language of Acts of Service the most. Though this analysis is about the books I did want to touch upon a scene in the TV show. The scene in question is when Inej kills the inferni. Inej commits her first kill in order to help Kaz and the look he gives her pretty much sums up his feelings on the matter.

 In the books he says in his narration how him making Jesper his only second, shows that he trusts him. He gradually warms up to both Matthias and Wylan as they progress in the mission and continue to aid him. He trusts Nina enough to be a part of the six going to the Ice Court, after using her services as a heart render multiple times. Now, it is possible that he only brought her along because of her powers and her connections to Matthias, but knowing Kaz he could make do without a heartrender and her addition only made things more complicated with Matthias at the beginning. Kaz agrees to free Inej after her words “I can help you”, he responds to that, it is with those words, with that offer to assist that their relationship begins. Inej is portrayed doing acts of service for Kaz nearly every night since her buyout, and Kaz has responded in kind making her his right hand woman. In summation, the way to earn Kaz’s respect, trust, and admiration is through acts of service.

Justice for Awashima Seri

One of my latest posts made me want to re-watch K Project Return of Kings, especially Scepter 4 segment. And damn, there are so many things that happened to Awashima and frankly she didn’t deserve it. I’m not talking about GoRa’s overly disgusting fanservice attempts on Seri, although that’s indeed something that must be protested. I’m talking about how she was kept in dark by her two megane colleagues (mainly Munakata) even though she’s Second in Command of Scepter 4 and someone who has been working besides them for years. After I finished rewatching..... wow it’s worse than I remembered. My heart truly breaks for Seri, and I’m super glad that in the end she got her happy ending (by punching Munakata’s face). Like first, we know how worried she was about Munakata’s state, and after Reisaru’s fight in episode 8, Seri was so worried about Fushimi’s wellbeing and his bedding. Then at the very beginning of her role in episode 9, we have this :

For almost anyone besides Seri, maybe they will not think too much about the fact that they can’t understand what the hell are on Munakata and Fushimi’s heads, after all they’re not the easiest people to understand. But for Seri, it’s quite a new unpleasant territory for her. There’s a reason why she’s the Second in Command after Munakata, why she can easily command the rebel Fushimi without many protests from the said rebel, and why she can work alongside cryptic geniuses like Munakata and Fushimi. From R:B novel, we know that she’s an all-round achiever, but one of her main virtue is she’s goddamn observant. She more or less can understand Munakata’s unique mindset, and she mostly can see right through Fushimi’s bullshit. She more often can hit ‘100 point mark’ regarding the enigmatic Munakata and the ‘absolute tsundere’ Fushimi than any other human being except each other. Like on Munakata’s case, we have this :

Yoshino continued. “An ordinary man would have an interest in nude females, I think, but this is the Captain we’re talking about… How is it for him, what do you think?” She looked up at Awashima.

Awashima’s lips curved into a stiff smile as she took her time to think.

Then she drew a breath and, “I haven’t given that subject a thought until now. But well, if I had to answer…” She shook her head. “This is what I think: in the Captain’s case, it’s entirely possible that never once in his life he has so much as opened that kind of magazines or, alternatively, stores an entire thousand book collection of obscene materials in his room, and I won’t be surprised in the least in either case. Would this suffice as an answer?” Munakata Reishi’s right hand woman and Lieutenant, Awashima Seri, said with an even more strained smile.

 Case Files of Blue Chapter 1 (and looking at how eager Munakata asked Hidaka to show his collection, suffice to say that Awashima is absolutely correct about her answer).

Awashima: But, well, for the Captain it’s probably of equal value. Fushimi: Of equal value? What is? Awashima: Protecting this country’s peace and fulfilling his promise to a kindergartener.

Optician Drama CD

And on Fushimi’s case :

“…It might not be a misunderstanding, you know. What if I were in cahoots with Homura?” he retorted, lips pursed.

For a moment, Awashima’s eyes widened slightly before narrowing to slits as she humphed letting a slight smirk tug on her lips. “Suppose there really is a traitor who’s trembling while covered in cold sweat; I’d say at the very least it’s safe to assume he’s not switching sides because he likes it. It’s time for your report. The materials are ready, I hope?”

The King and The Traitor 

“It’s hard to call realistic, I have to agree with you on that. And on the off chance that it indeed is a strain’s doing, there is hardly any ground to claim harm sustained from the act. It’s the rainy season, after all. So I do find the idea of wasting time and manpower on investigating this possibility unreasonable, especially considering that we hardly have any to spare, but… if it’s an order from my superior officer, I will look into it though?”

It was said curtly and emotionlessly, but Awashima let out a little chuckle, hearing Fushimi’s answer. “Then look into it for me. Since like me, my competent and capable subordinate, too, seems to be concerned with this matter.”

Endless Rain

Also in anime, she noticed Yata’s worry for Mikoto and informed him about Mikoto’s condition to calm him. After breaking Sarumi’s fight, instead of asking apology, she demanded Fushimi to show her the result of his investigation, knowing full well that Fushimi already did some digging before he confronted Yata. She made the remark about only a King can attract another King. Heck, she already deduced that the reason why Munakata kept Zenjou-san on Scepter 4 is to kill Munakata one day, even though Munakata understandably never told anyone about it. During ROK, I kinda got feeling like Munakata and Fushimi were purposely ‘ghosting’ her, but looking at how observant she is, it’s quite understandable why Munakata and Fushimi kept Awashima in the dark to preserve their secret mission (still jerk move for them though). 

I think that’s one of the reason why Fushimi gave the hint about his secret mission only to Yata. Not only Yata is his best friend, but he also can count on Yata’s insensitiveness, having been the victim first-hand in the past. Like, Fushimi who is surprisingly responsible and dutiful for his job maybe thought “it’s fine to give Misaki a hint, it’s not like he can pick it up anyway”, so he can feel ‘less guilty’ for endangering the secrecy of his mission. Not that he’s wrong though, I mean Yata you’re a good guy but I have to say you really have a fine thick-head for not noticing and still saying that Fushimi betrayed the Blues, Fushimi jumped from sinking ship after Fushimi uttered such a vague sentence and after knowing that Fushimi secretly asked your brother to quit Jungle. Thank God Munakata gave him clear explanation later. Instead for Awashima, she only got this :

In that brief moment of silence, Fushimi let Awashima knew 3 things :

1. He joined Green clan and willing to attack his ‘former’ clansmen for them.

2. Not only joined Green clan, but he’s now one of J-ranker of Jungle. You know, the true Green clansmen, the one they have to be most cautious like Sukuna and Yukari.

3. He allied with one of Green clansman who participated on Anna’s kidnapping and former Scepter 4′s prisoner.

And he didn’t give Awashima and Kusanagi anything except complete silence and green-laced knife-throwing. Mission accomplished! The monkey succeeds on fooling the strong-willed and observant Lieutenant of Scepter 4. Just like the phrase “To fool your enemy, fool your friends”, there’s no way Awashima can perceive that except as complete betrayal. Haha.

(Truly, Fushimi was so good at executing his job. Too good, actually).

Then, after that shocking revelation that can shake someone’s mentality, she still had duty to report it toward her superior. Look at her reaction after Munakata said things about biting the giver’s hand.

(OMG watching that scene after knowing about Fushimi and Munakata’s secret mission made me truly itch to punch a certain King’s beautiful sparkly face).

She blamed herself for failing to look after Fushimi. I read some posts about Fushimi’s betrayal speculation before ROK episode 11 was aired, those who predicted that Fushimi joined Green for real, almost all expected Yata to stop Fushimi and made him go back to Scepter 4 (or Homra). While I understand the potential Sarumi heartbreaking angst and their another flashy fighting scene, I can’t help but think, can Yata do it? Not that I doubt strong bond between them, but Yata and Fushimi are equal in power. Okay, Yata is stronger in raw power, but Fushimi proved himself can accommodate his power effectively to match Yata. We know from their fight in Ashinaka Gakuen that Fushimi’s dual-color status can pass Yata’s defense, just like an attack can pass the defense from the same aura. Then Fushimi got his Green Aura. I didn’t say that Yata surely would lose to Fushimi on that situation, but it’s understandable if he lost and no one will blame him. But Seri? She’s canonly stronger than Fushimi, she’s usually can keep Fushimi on check in Scepter 4 and Seri is his direct superior after Munakata. I think if indeed Fushimi joined Green clan, the ones that have a chance to win battling him are Seri, Kusanagi, Kuro, and Kings. I can see Awashima blamed herself for failing to stop Fushimi and wanted to compensate for that failure by bringing Fushimi back to Scepter 4.

So, as if that burden is not heavy enough, Munakata brought Zenjou to his side and Awashima, who already worried about Munakata’s safety for a whole season and more, got an honor to watch on front seat as this happened :

Her King had a sword pointed toward his neck, but Awashima wasn’t fast enough to even touch her saber. Munakata’s Second in Command, who just realized that preventing her King’s Damocles Down is her responsibility, was shown the fact that she was not fast enough in comparison with Zenjou. Just, let’s imagine some time between episode 9 and 11 Seri looked at her saber, lamented at the fact that she failed to stop Fushimi and she was not fast enough to fulfil her most hurtful responsibility. Imagine Seri tried to get a hold of herself, readied herself to point her sword toward her closest comrades. 

Of course her torment didn’t end there. The Quack Prime Minister fired Munakata from his duty, removed him from Scepter 4. And Munakata, wordlessly, without giving any words or announcements toward his clansmen...  

(SERIOUSLY GIVE HER A BREAK! MUNAKATAAAAA!!!!)

I feel like that scene is the peak of Munakata’s “ghosting” toward Awashima. Not to mention, her (and Scepter 4) next order is :

(Help! My poor clueless ducklings are trapped while their genius jerk megane superiors are carelessly walking toward suicide plans!).

Honorary mention for the rest of poor lost ducklings :

(Yes, Munakata, you can’t just leave without any words toward your clansmen. Especially when you literally walked toward your death).

(BTW the meaning of “one unthinkable thing happening after another” is Fushimi’s betrayal followed by Munakata’s resignation. Little appreciation that they thought Fushimi’s betrayal is “unthinkable thing” even though the fact that Fushimi’s status as Homra’s “traitor” is widely known in Scepter 4).

 (Zenjou-san and the rest of Scepter 4 are not amused by your secret plan shenanigans, Munakata and Fushimi. Zenjou thought that those jerks truly ruin meganes’ reputation. Unbeknown to him, Enomoto thought the same).

Well, we know what happened after this. Seri and the rest of Special Squad got their first clue about what the heck is happened from a freaking TV, they rushed toward their King, the show was shifted to Silvers and Reds and NO SCEPTER 4 REUNION OR SETTLEMENT EVEN THOUGHT GORA CRAFTED SUCH A BIG AND COMPLEX CONFLICT IN SCEPTER 4.

Well, at least Seri got to punch Munakata in the face, even though in my opinion she truly deserved more after all the shits she had been through.

Games of 2021

Due to the inexorable passage of time, it is nearly the end of 2021, which means it’s time for my yearly retrospective of all the games what I gone done played like. Managed 40-odd games this year, down from last year’s 80-something, but y’know. Real life and stuff happened. Video games! 2021 saw me become a Twitch affiliate, thus proving my sister wrong all those years ago- video games CAN make you money!!!! It also saw me fail to start any of my intended projects. How surprising. 2022 is the year of the Steam Deck, aka the Backlog Buster. I’m very very excited to get mine- we’ll see next year if I’ve actually played the damned thing or if I just put a load of emulators on it and then didn’t touch it afterward. To the list!

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Pokemon Fire Red Randomiser Nuzlocke Trailing off from the end of last year, our pokemon journey came to a happy ending as we were declared Champion of Kanto. SugarHurt, Yellow, Daddyama, Goggles, Bootsy, and Swampbert enter the hall of fame, and the history books. A fantastic run and a great deal of fun, I can’t wait to do it again some day. - Pikmin 3 This is Pikmin Perfected, striking the ideal balance between its two predecessors, maintaining the pressure of the first game but in a much less stressful manner. The bonus mission modes are all enjoyable too- rare for me to enjoy these things but P3 got it right. - Fire Emblem Three Houses Phew, alright. I’ve spent four hundred hours in this game so far, currently halfway through my fourth run (of four). It’s fair to say I have fallen utterly in love with this game. It was the subject of many months’ discussion and debate with midgi who played alongside me, as we unraveled the mysteries of Fodlan together. 3H is a vastly different direction for the series and one they’re unlikely to replicate for future entries. I honestly have lots of thoughts about this game that exceed the scope of a write-up like this, but suffice it to say FE3H is my Game Of The Year. - Touhou 18 Went in with high hopes, having enjoyed the demo a great deal. Second half not as strong as the first half in my opinion, but still a lot of fun. I like that ZUN was honest and said he didn't actually put any thought at all into how balanced the ability cards are, but it really shows in Extra where you either get lucky with the random cards or you lose. It's a shame cos I like the Extra stage, but having certain runs just straight up give me three extra lives makes it frustrating when you don't get that. - Yooka Laylee Hmmmm, I kinda rushed my way through this one. A game that steadfastly and deliberately refuses to learn any lessons since 1999, it's really hard to review this. The bad parts are deliberately bad, and they are bad in a very authentic way, does that mean it was good??? I dunno. Ultimately I had a little fun with it but almost equally as much frustration, and I certainly didn't even entertain the idea of 100%ing it. - Gris (Some spoilers ahead) This was a tremendously effective and artistic depiction of grief. The most striking part of the game for me was the giant shadow bird- how Gris just utterly shut down when it first appeared, nothing she could do about it. Much later in the game, Gris has more powers and has grown and recovered so much, and the bird appears again out of nowhere... and she's just as powerless against it this time as she was the first. It's a striking moment because games won't usually do that and that is also true to how grief will suddenly knock you down even so long after you feel you've recovered. I truly wish they hadn't included the collectible achievement items as it only detracts from what is otherwise a great piece of art. - Hades Pyre is still my favourite Supergiant game, but at this point if Darren Korb handed me a bucket of broken glass and said "hey, I need you to eat this", I'd do it. GOTY (I'm allowed to have two, leave me alone) - Zwei Argh, it was a very very shaky Fin when I played it, and when I came back to it I just... couldn't. It's a gorgeous game, but between the horribly clunky interface, the poor camera, confusing directions, and baffling progression system, it was too much work for too little payoff. A real shame. - I hate this game I love this game! Hahahahaha sorry. Some really neat parallel thinking here, 100 rooms deep so it doesn't outstay its welcome. Decent chiptune soundtrack rounds off a nice little evenings-worth package. - Milo and the Magpies Really enjoyed my hour with Milo, it's another cozy fit for an evening. Very sweet and cute and charming. My BBLC writeup says it all. Strong recommend. - Kero Blaster The main game is great. The unlockable extra story relies a little too hard on bottomless pits and instakill mechanics and suffers as a result. Cave Story still the magnum opus, but Kero Blaster is worth a punt if you like retrostyle run'n'guns. - Metroid Dread GOTY (I can have three! Shut up!). Goodness, the entire internet has lavished praise upon this to the degree that I don't know what I can really add. I've only played through it once- I sorely need to get back to it and start doing speedruns. Holy crap, what a tour-de-force. Finally learning what became of the Chozo, after so long, and that WHOLE end sequence that I won't spoil. Damn! What a game! - Hollow Knight I certainly wasn't as taken with it as many seem to be, with a pile of frustrations keeping me from LOVING it, but overall I did have a good time with Hollow Knight. The boss fights are the main draw here, very challenging but the controls are SO tight and well-tuned that they still feel great to battle. only a few optional bosses crossed the line into bullshit. - The Swapper Enjoyable up to a point- it eventually became a little too pixel-finnicky for my tastes. Execution became so precise that it was hard to tell if I had the wrong solution or I was doing the right thing but slightly off-position. - Iconoclasts Haven't gotten back to it yet since writing by BBLC post. It's next up in line though! - Sin And Punishment Another one I haven't got back to yet. I actually haven't even written the BBLC post for it yet because I'm depressed! Oops! Maybe by the time I publish this I'll have put it out? [EDIT: I did! But I'm still two behind ;_;] - Pokemon Shield/Moon/X In an effort to combat seasonal depression at the start of the year, I made it a personal mission to complete a living pokedex, and so scoured all my old carts for blighters to port forward and fill any gaps. It was a nice nostalgia trip and I got to see all my fantastic nicknaming decisions across the years. - Master of Orion 2 I'm telling you, it's going to be on this list every year until the end of time. This year, I streamed it for the first time, hoping to catch a few flies in the web. Don't think anyone took the bait, but my offer stands, I'll buy you a copy if you have a genuine interest in trying it. - Touhou obviously I think I played all of them at some point this year. Someone made a neat package for the first five titles that makes it super easy to run them and They Just Work, which was very cool. I've played them before but the emulation was atrocious at the time, was nice to see them in proper glory. Th01 is really weird. - Donkey Kong Country (diddyspin) I only technically played this. It was for a project that hasn't seen the light of day yet. I wanted to start it in the summer, but alas it didn't work out. I'm still figuring out how to do this. We'll see if 2022 is the year. - Ocarina of Time It has aged far more significantly than a lot of people are willing to admit, and the fan-patcher is pretty much required at this point. It's still great and has an impressive command of atmosphere for an early 3D title. The music in the Spirit Temple still gives me shivers. - Final Fantasy 5 Four Job Fiesta I ran the FJF four times this year! First time was the Corona Two event raising money for covid treatment, a cause dearer to our hearts now than it was the first Corona event. I then ran the main event in the summer raising money for the PCRF and we raised over $100, which is FANTASTIC, and to celebrate I did a second run off-stream just for my own enjoyment. Finally, to celebrate the release of the Pixel Remaster, we ran it again in November, which is technically a different game but I'll lump it in here. The PR version is probably the best version out there, although we're still figuring out all its foibles and exploits. Hopefully by the next summer event, it'll be fully explored. PR is the version I'll be using from here on! - Pokemon GO As mentioned earlier, this was part of the effort to battle seasonal depression by completing a living pokedex. It also had the advantage of giving me an excuse to go for a walk in the cold, which definitely helps the brain. I'm not a big fan of the way the game works, but it did what it needed to do. - Wonderboy 2 I love this weird old game, nostalgically and otherwise. This year I wanted to try to recreate a glitch I remember my brother stumbling on when I was a wee babby, with limited success. I was able to replicate it using memory modification to force the issue, but obviously he didn't do that back in the day. Still a cool game that I recommend people give a try. It's pretty difficult but save states mitigate all of that. - Fire Emblem 7 Having run a Girls Only stream of FE8 last year, I wanted to do it again with my favourite of the FE titles. It's a lot more challenging in this game as you don't actually GET any combat-ready girls for quite a long time (in the main game at least), so I allowed use of the main Lord Eliwood as well. It's not like he's some super powerful unit who would break the challenge, so I didn't mind that small allowance. - Chrono Trigger Another game I played for the stream to share it with people who NEEDED to know. Chrono Trigger is widely heralded as one of the best games ever made, and I don't disagree with that assessment. It simply gets so much right, and what it doesn't get right is charming enough that it's forgivable. The love and effort and thought put into every single facet is palpable. - SIF / SIFAS SIF is a game that means a great deal to me, but its heyday is long past. SIFAS is a game that I wanted to try again having bought a new phone that can actually handle it without crashing, but I still just don't really get it. Regardless, you're probably going to see both of these games on next year's list. - Metal Gear Solid 2 This is a game I played hundreds of times as a teen, and I'm very familiar with it and have a nostalgic fondness for it. Going back to it these days it's a little hard to recommend, too busy trying to tell a completely nonsensical story to linger on the actually fun parts of the gameplay. It seems like you spend just as much time skipping cutscenes as you do playing the game. It's also just as guilty as the others in its treatment of women and the general sense of grossness is far more off-putting as an adult. What I'm saying is, I had fun with it but I am not at all going to try to convince anyone it's good. It was a very important game in the history of such things, and an important game for me, but I don't think anyone going back to it will have a good time. - Grand Theft Auto Vice City Not the re-release. Every so often I get the urge to fly across the city in a helicopter to the tunes of VROCK radio station, and the rest of the game is fun enough that getting to that point isn't too much of a chore. But really, just flying over the city, between buildings and under the bridges and over the beach, all to a fun 80s rock soundtrack... it's hard to beat that feeling. - FE3H Girls Only Still working on this, of course- it's a long game! We'll be playing this well into 2022. I really hoped playing this would gather a bigger audience, but oh well. As long as the audience I do have is having fun, it's worth it. - Touhou Danmaku Kagura Touhou rhythm game! It just seems like such a no-brainer, taking a series known for its killer original soundtracks AND the absolutely uncontrollable fanbase producing endless rearrangements, and making a rhythm game based on that, doesn't it? Alas, me and gacha games just don't seem to be compatible, especially this one. Top marks for not tying progression to gacha rolls- every single song is available to play from the start, and you can ignore the mobage aspects entirely if you want- a very cool touch that garners many bonus points, and I'm sure was one of ZUN's stipulations to secure his cooperation. But then there's no sense of progression, and that's a killer for me personally. Events are also handled weirdly, the prize being an exclusive card for a girl who wasn't featured in the event... I stuck with it for a while but eventually realised I was just playing it because I felt I should be, rather than because I was having fun. That's when it's time to stop. - Kokurase 2 + 3 Chapters two and three of a cool RPG maker game, this is unfortunately a story that is likely never to be finished, as no translation studio seems interested in picking up chapter 4. Chapter one is a closed story worth playing by itself, and the next chapters were good for what they are. - Final Fantasy 4 The Pixel Remaster of my personal favourite FF game, this absolutely blew my socks off. Soooo much better than the 3D remake and for my money the GBA remake too. That remastered soundtrack is just phenomenal. I'd love to share this on stream some day. - BMX XXX This gamecube game was universally panned at the time of release and I was always fascinated by it, so having discovered a recent love of aquatic mammals I took a look. Good gravy, it's truly abysmal- an utterly fetid turd of a game. The attempts at humour are pathetic, feeble and embarrassing. Holy Dooley, it's worth playing for all the wrong reasons. - Metroid Fusion I wanted to play through this before Dread to catch back up with the story, but I was too slow and ended up finishing it AFTER Dread instead, so now canon states Samus forgot her computer was called Adam for some reason and had to relearn it. Fusion is great. I understand the criticisms but it's great. - TF2 This year I sold all of my inventory, intending to quit wholesale, and instead discovered that selling all my junk was actually quite liberating and brought back some sense of the Old Days of TF2. Plus I made $100 of steam credit towards my Deck! I still didn't get that one hat I've wanted for nine years though. The botpocalypse brought ruin to the Halloween event, with spinbots everywhere, but they all spam an absolute tune over the voice chat so I didn't mind. - Diddy Kong Racing Both the N64 and DS versions, which I guess are technically different games. The DS version really suffers badly with touchscreenitis. The second race isn't even a race, it's an autoscroller! I quickly jumped ship back to the N64 version, which is wayyy too easy except when it isn't, in which case it's wayyyy too hard. Very odd balance. - Baba Is You Haven't made it back to this one yet since my BBLC stream, but I kind of want to save it for my Steam Deck. It feels like such a great fit for a handheld. - Donkey Kong Land 2 On the recommendation of Supper Mario Broth, I gave the Gameboy version of the best DKC title a go. It's pretty good, surprisingly authentic, and I keep tripping myself up remembering where the secrets are only to be reminded that the level design has been altered for this version and the things I remember being there are in fact no longer there. Quite tricky to unlearn such things. - Bins: REVOLVER 360 Nimbatus Ninja Pizza Girl Turok Final Fantasy Adventure Bit Trip Runner Soul Axiom