#I’m so sorry this probably is not funny like at all
Text
instagram. j.b.
summary: follow along with joe and his wife evie as they go through is football career.
*face claim is yasmin quintana*
series masterlist.
evie
liked by joeyb_9, lahjay10_, and 780,726 others
evie: “holding hands is like touching souls” 🤍
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user: how are we supposed to just live with this
user: i’m so jealous
joeyb_9: my girl. 😚
> evie: always always always.
user: do you think he knows she just posts him for attention?
> user: do you think he will ever see this comment? probably not.
user: i’m feeling extremely single right now.
lahjay10_: y’all be holding hands like crazy
> evie: we locked for life. 🤍🔒
user: wait this is actually so sweet, imagine how many pics she has of them just holding hands. she’s so down bad.
joeyb_9
liked by evie, lahjay10_ and 304,837 others
joeyb_9: Green Goblin
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user: Great football Joe!
user: SHIESTYYYYYY
millyg: joey tell ev to text me back.
user: green like that bank account baby
user: that’s hot
evie: 🥦🥒🍏🫛🫑🥑
> joeyb_9: you gotta calm down.
user: QB is always sharp
evie
liked by bengals, joeyb_9, and 990,864 others
evie: out here
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user: tell jb to pop a perc and get back out there
> evie: kind of a tactless comment my guy, he’d be out there if he was able.
user: man screwed my fantasy team
> evie: yeah forget your fantasy team, it wasn’t his fault.
user: brave woman
joeyb_9: jacket=dope
user: chefs kiss
user: go bengals!
millyg: i love to see you this happy 💗💗
joeyb_9
liked by bengals, lahjay10_, and 709,950 others
joeyb_9: Just another stage on the journey of life
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user: praying for you my boy
nfl: 🙏🏼
evie: keep your head up baby, i love you.
> joeyb_9: couldn’t do it without you
joemainmixon: We got you brother!
user: the “he’s back” post next season is going to go crazy
user: get better soon lover
lahjay10_: the comeback will be legendary
user: revenge tour for real next year
cjstroud: 🙏🏾
user: joey take my wrist, i don’t need it.
evie
liked by millyg, joeyb_9, and 91,736 others
evie: another gamedey in jungle. if you’re not in cincy you stink!
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user: still going to games??
> evie: ofc. those are my boys!
millyg: my little sweet pea
> evie: 🫛
user: my mom loves you (me too btw)
> evie: i luv ur mom. 😁💗
user: love to see you smiling
user: how is jb?
> evie: inspiring. 💗
joeyb_9: i like you.
> evie: omg thanks for sharing. i like you 2. 🤩🤪
joeyb_9
liked by lahjay10_, evie, and 852,100 others
joeyb_9: Learn to love discomfort
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lahjay10_: haha i just know you uncomfortable sitting like that. that’s what you mean by the caption?
> evie: lmao ur goofy
user: let’s go jb6
user: biggest qb in the league
user: happy birthday joe we love you!
evie: criss cross applesauce???
> joeyb_9: it’s called indian style. 🙄
> evie: is that what the big kids are calling it??
> user: ev is on his ass
user: it doesn’t go unnoticed you being on the sidelines for your teammates
user: are you and ev going to celebrate your special day?
> evie: we don’t skip bdays around here. even if you have a major surgery..
user: happy birthday king joe!
evie
liked by millyg, joeyb_9, and 890,110 others
evie: bits and pieces
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user: wishing you and joe a lovely off season and smooth recovery
> evie: 💗💗💗
user: you’ll be back killing it next season! i can’t wait
user: okay, the teddy shirt? CUTE!
> evie: one of my favs
user: always giving us a peek at jb
> user: it’s funny how ev used to be the only one that called him jb and now it’s become one of his many nicknames.
user: going to be missing you this off season.
joeyb_9: puddle pic is 10/10 cuteness
> evie: 🥹💗
joeyb_9
liked nfl, bengals, and 891,028 others
joeyb_9: Sorry for the missed time. Return of the Jedi
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user: i hope my gf doesn’t see this post
user: miss u
user: see you next year daddy joe
evie: joe you can’t just post this on a monday morning with no warning.
> user: ev saying what we are all thinking
> joeyb_9: oh, i don’t know the rules. i thought this was my account.
> evie: smart. ass.
user: BURROW REVENGE ARC
user: can’t wait to see you back!
evies stories
* last part for now. 😢 *
if you want me to pick this back up once the season starts, give this a big ❤️ hehehe.
#joe burrow#nfl#nfl imagine#bengals#cincinnati bengals#joe burrow imagine#joe burrow x reader#joe burrow insta au#joe burrow instagram
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Across the Way
Chapter 4: New and Old Problems Alike
Retired!Ghoap x Fem!Fat!Reader
Ao3 | Previous - Next | Masterlist
MDNI | cw: fainting, some medical inaccuracies
Word Count: 5.8k
Summary: You go to Scotland with high hopes for your future. After all, you have the bakery you always dreamed of and a whole new life to live. Plus, the men who own the butcher’s shop across the street seem nice.
You haven’t texted them, even three days later. That little sticky note haunts the surface of your kitchen counter. It taunts you - tells you that you should text them and at least give them your number. That you’re being a terrible neighbor. They might need you too, after all. Even though you can’t figure out why they might for the life of you. On the other hand, you can’t help but feel wary about it. Men don’t take an interest in you - people in general rarely take interest. It’s hard not to feel suspicious, as pure as you’re sure their intentions probably are.
More so than any of that, you don’t know what to say. If it had been day one you could have just put your name, but now you feel like you need to explain. Or at least be funny or something. Tossing and turning on your designated rest day about what the hell you should do.
You’re overthinking it. You know that. You can’t stop, either.
They just seem so cool - so put together. So unlike you. You want to impress them. You don’t want to ruin the first possibility of friends in this new life you’re building for yourself.
Eventually you work up the courage to send off an initial text to each of them. Just to give them your name to save if they so choose - plus an extra thank you to Simon for giving you their numbers in the first place. Something simple and borderline cold. Too cold, maybe? Maybe you sound irritated. You hope not. You just want them to like you. Friends in new places are hard and to have someone around you who gets how it feels to need accommodations would just feel so… lovely. Your phone may or may not go flying onto your bed while you bury your face in your hands out of sheer nervousness.
You don’t expect it to chime about a minute later. Right as you’re staring to calm down, of course. It sends your heart violently pounding all over again.
J >> Bonnie lass!
J >> So glad u texted!!
>> Sorry it took so long lol
Oh, you could just slap yourself. You don’t have anything better than that? At all? Christ.
J >> Nah Nah
J >> No worries
J >> Actually I was wondering if u would mind if I came by tomorrow
J >> Just to chat
J >> need an excuse to get out of the house
“How the hell does he type that fast?” You scoff to yourself.
>> Yeah, come by anytime.
>> totally
>> yea sounds cool
>> rad, man
A message from Simon pops up mid your internal battle with how to respond, replying with a simple thumbs up. Very in character, you think. He knows how to be nonchalant. What would Simon say? Something casual, maybe a little formal.
>> If you like. You’re always welcome.
Okay maybe that was too much like Simon. You sigh heavily m before adding,
>> I’m trying out a new blueberry loaf
>> If you want to test for me :)
Better. That’s a little better. With another heavy sigh you decide to drop your phone into your nightstand for the rest of the day. Your heart really cannot handle this much emotional pressure.
~~~
You sort of end up just forgetting about the texts. With your phone out of sight and out of mind upstairs in your apartment it almost catches you off guard when Johnny comes striding through the door just before close. He’s dressed more casually than the last couple of times you saw him - having broken out the summer shorts and a graphic tee for some band you don’t recognize. It suits him, though.
“Hey, bon.” He grins.
“Hey.” You smile back, finishing with putting up your stocking baskets before dusting off your hands and turning around. “Simon closing up?”
“Aye.”
You hum. “Come on back, I’ll get you a slice of that loaf I mentioned.”
Johnny follows you quietly. Uncharacteristically quietly. That’s okay - you don’t have a problem with hanging out in silence. It doesn’t feel tense, surprisingly enough. He leaves Riley out front again. Should you get her a dog bed? Maybe if he comes by consistently. That would be nice. Maybe that’s wishful thinking.
“It’s sort of a pound cake but fluffier. I might make an icing for it but I don’t know if that would be too sweet…” You trail off, focusing on plating up the piece. You’re not sure what compels you to try and make it pretty for him. Probably something you could blame on your grandmother. She did have an obsession with presentation.
Johnny hums loudly after taking a bite, talking around the mouthful. “Y’should totally make an icing.” He swallows roughly. “Si would go crazy fer this.”
“Oh?” You smile. “I’ll send some home with you.”
There’s a lapse of silence while Johnny chews on his slice of bread and you pack up some in a paper bag for him to take home. The only sounds in the room comprised of your cutting and folding and the hum of the cooling oven.
“You’re being weirdly quiet.” You blurt, immediately covering your mouth with your hand. “I, uh, I mean that isn’t a bad thing! I don’t mind… I just, uh, was… sorry, never mind…”
“Well I did come wit’ a bit of an ulterior motive…” Johnny admits, glancing off to the side shyly. It’s a show, you think. Johnny doesn’t seem the type of man to have felt shy a day in his life.
You tilt your head. “Oh?”
He dusts off his hands and grins. “Let us take ye out! In celebration of yer first full month.”
Has it been a month already? “Oh - no, no you don’t have to-“
“C’mon! It’s a big accomplishment.” His smile is so bright that you almost believe his idea that you’ve done something great.
“…alright.” You give a tentative smile. It’s hard to believe they like you enough to want to hang out casually in the evening. Hard to imagine anyone liking you that much but you’re not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“There’s a pub down the street - the one on the corner. Want tae meet us there around six?” Johnny gives you that lovely smile. How could you ever say no to a smile like that?
“Okay.”
You spend far too long changing in and out of clothes and fussing with your hair. Up-do’s and buns and braids. A tank top then a sweater then a t-shirt. There’s no reason to feel this stressed over it. It’s not a date or anything. Besides, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. Either way you look like a frumpy dumpling. Eventually you land on jeans and one of your designated ‘going out tops.’ At least it’s a good excuse to wear something other than work clothes or loungewear.
Excitement and anxiety thrum under your skin like electricity as you make your way down the street. You feel painfully nauseous - stopping once or twice just to make sure you aren’t about to throw up for real.
The pub is surprisingly quiet when you enter. Obviously somewhere only real locals hang out - there’s no theme or really any decor in general. Just a bar, some booths and a couple pool tables. You scan the floor a few times, not seeing either Johnny or Simon (not that they would be hard to miss). Eventually you just grab a soda from the bar and slide into one of the booths closer to the back. A quiet spot facing the door where you can easily watch for them.
As time ticks on you begin to grow increasingly nervous. Did you get the time wrong? No, no you triple checked. You even wrote it down in your planner. Your leg begins to bounce furiously, heart nearly beating out of your chest. Did they decide to ditch? You wouldn’t really blame them. They’re way out of your league when it comes to friends. Maybe Johnny had an emergency? Should you call Simon? If he had an emergency it would make sense that they would forget to notice you. What if something really bad happened? What if-
The front door opens and Simon’s wide frame strides through, holding the door for Johnny and Riley to come in behind him. You let out a quiet sigh of relief, willing your leg to stop bouncing with a pinch to your thigh. Why are you always so damn dramatic?
Johnny lights up with an ear to ear grin when he spots you, bee-lining for the booth while Simon casually walks up to the bar. It’s almost comedic, the way he dwarfs the counter. Johnny leans on the side of the booth, waiting for Simon, you think.
“Glad ye could come out.” He looks you over, eyes flicking from your plain top to the very practical, not at all stylish up do that you landed on for the evening.
You do your best not to squirm under his gaze. “Me too…”
Simon comes back with two beers in hand and slides them onto the table. He scoots into the inner booth to give Johnny the outer edge. Riley happily sits beside his leg and practically grins at you in a near mirror image of Johnny’s. You’d never do it while she’s on the job, of course, but part of you wants to give her a pat on the head and coo at her for being so polite.
Johnny gives you an apologetic smile. “Sorry we were a bit late-”
“Johnny redid his hair about five times.” Simon butts in, not reacting at all to Johnny’s sputtering protest. He glances at your half-drunk soda. “Want me t’ grab you a beer?”
“Oh, no, I’ll just stick to coke.”
They blink at you. Simon cocks his head slightly. “You sure?”
You chew your lip. “Uh, alcohol tends to aggravate my symptoms is all...”
“Then why’d ye agree to drinks? We coulda gone somewhere else.” Johnny frowns.
You shrug. “I don’t mind. I… maybe this is over sharing but I’d rather go out and be kind of normal than just… not ever. Y’know?”
His expression softens. For having such icy blue eyes they are so, so warm. “I get it.”
“How’d you two meet anyway?” You blurt, taking a left turn to get the conversation off of you. It’s the first question that comes to mind. Maybe it’s rude - maybe you’re prying too much already.
“Military.” Simon grunts. “SAS.”
“Si retired wit’ me after I was discharged.” Johnny points to his scar the same way he did when you first met. “Russians scrambled my egg a bit.”
“Couldn’t do the time apart…” Simon murmurs, eyes locked on Johnny’s face. It’s vulnerable. More than he’s used to - you can see it in the way he tenses after saying it.
Something passes between them that a deep, wounded part of you desperately wishes to understand.
You can’t help but start giggling to yourself. They both give you an incredulous look. “Sorry, sorry - it’s just, that’s like… totally a romance book premise. It’s sweet. Really.”
“Och, aye. Wouldn’t know it t’ look at him but Si’s a real romantic.” Johnny bats his eyes at the other man, who just rolls his in response. The corner of his scarred mouth quirks up subtly.
“SAS…” You repeat, staring at your drink. “That’s like Navy Seal shit, right?”
“We worked with them a few times, yes.” Simon nods. There’s an air of ‘do not ask anything more specific’ in his voice.
“Huh.” You take that for what it is and sit back, squinting at them. “You don’t look it, honestly.”
Johnny laughs. “Tha’s just cause ye havennae seen Simon with his gear on. The Ghost.” He wiggles his fingers along as he makes a stupid, spooky sound effect. “I domesticated him.”
Simon scoffs but doesn’t deny it, just takes a quiet sip of his beer.
“Riley’s a vet, too.” Johnny pats her head. “Got too skittish around loud noises but she transitioned into a service dog nicely.”
“Now she’s just spoiled.” Simon rolls his eyes in faux annoyance. You get the strong feeling that he’s the one doing the spoiling.
You find yourself relaxing as the night goes on. Slouching in your seat rather than sitting ramrod straight and nervously twiddling your thumbs. They never press you to drink, never insist that you’ll be fine with just one. They take your statement as fact and it isn’t brought up again. That shouldn’t be as significant as it is, now that you think about it.
Johnny’s words begin to slur a little bit on his fourth, no maybe fifth, beer. You aren’t sure. It’s very cute, the little blush that forms across his cheeks. Simon loosens up, too. He slings an arm around the back of the booth and Johnny readily tucks himself into the open spot. You find yourself wondering about their military career again. You can’t picture either of them committing violence - especially Simon. Sure, he’s big and gruff but he looks at Johnny so, so softly.
Simon is the one to call it a night - though you have a feeling its because you nodded off a couple times. Not out of boredom, you try really, really hard to pay attention to Johnny rambling about the chemistry of different explosives. He makes it interesting, somehow. Really it’s just that you’ve been awake for… holy shit almost twenty hours!
“D’you need a ride?” Simon asks as you exit the pub, hands firmly shoved into his pockets.
“No, I’ll be fine.” You don’t know how to interpret the look he’s giving you. It’s intense, but not annoyed or displeased. He has such a weird knack for unreadable but distinct expressions. You wonder if you’ll ever get close enough to get good at deciphering them.
You jump when Johnny takes both your hands in, kissing the backs of them with a sloppy, drunk smile. “Thank ye fer comin’ out. “
Somehow your face feels hotter than a damn oven. You tuck your hands to your chest, kicking shyly at the sidewalk. “Th-thanks for the invite. We, uh, we could do it again sometime?”
You glance up hopefully, praying that you didn’t misread the situation. You’ve done that before - thought people liked you more than they did. Johnny just grins wider somehow and nods excitedly.
You watch them walk off in the other direction, hand in hand. Johnny giggles about something loudly and you can see Simon’s shoulders shake with a far more silent laugh. All the way until they disappear down the street.
The sheer amount that the image hurts your heart makes you feel evil.
~~~
The pub changed something. What, you don’t know. Either way, you fall into an easy pattern with Johnny and Simon over the next couple weeks. Exchanges of food, leftovers or morsels about to turn, little visits back and forth between your shops. Johnny continues to stop by after close, just hanging around with you while Simon closes up shop.
You can’t deny how much you look forward to hearing that door chime followed by a too-loud greeting from Johnny. How your heart flips in your chest when those bright blue eyes peek around the corner into the back room or light up while trying a new recipes you’ve been testing. You’re still a bit awkward - unsure how to react when he throws an arm around your shoulders or listens oh so intently while you talk about nothing important.
Things can’t ever be all sunshine and rainbows, though. Not for you. A new problem has arisen as summer truly sets in - the comfortable spring breezes giving way to nothing but bright, unfiltered sun. One you didn’t expect to impact you this much living this far north.
Heat.
It’s hard to breathe in the back room while you’re baking. Hard to keep your water and salt intake high enough to compensate for how fast you lose them. You might as well get a permanent saline drip attached to you at this point. You definitely didn’t google if that was physically possible. Your budget for liquid IVs and other supplements nearly doubles. Standing over the massive oven in the back room has your head swimming a few times. You end up resting longer on your weekends, unable to keep up like you could in cooler weather.
It’s okay, you tell yourself, the summer here isn’t like back home. It will pass quicker. Plus, you at least have methods of dealing with it now other than crossing your fingers and praying.
“Bonnie!” Johnny suddenly appears in your doorway - that charming smile splitting his face from ear to ear. “Ye made it up Main Street yet?”
“No?” You tilt your head and try to ignore the way your vision spots momentarily at the motion. “Why?”
“Ye dinnae hear about the summer festival?” He leans on your counter. You shake your head. “It’s a yearly thing. Not that big a deal but they have some fun games an’ it’s nice tae see everyone out an’ about. Si an’ I are about tae head down. Come wit’?”
You hesitate. The exhaustion in your body tugs at your spine. Your limbs feel heavy. This morning really got to you - out of towners who must have come for the festival flooded your shop the moment it opened on top of your Saturday regulars. Not that you’re complaining, really. It’s easily your best day so far. You want to go with them, though, despite the ache in your back and the sting in your joints. It sounds so fun and it’s never a bad idea to take part in your new community’s festivities.
“Yeah. That sounds nice.” You smile. You can tough it out for an hour, then come back home. Yeah, just an hour. You’ll be fine.
You hadn’t noticed Simon leaned up at the entrance to your shop. Your eyes lock on his arms. This is the first time you’ve actually seen him in short sleeves. You can’t help but stare at his half-sleeve tattoo - all skulls and bombs and other military motifs. Faded and sun worn. Yeah, if you’d seen that sooner you definitely would have picked up on the whole military thing. You bite your lip to keep from snickering about it.
You can hear the music drifting from the speakers down the street. A few kids run by with balloons and cheap carnival prizes. It almost reminds you of the Spring Fling back home, just missing the extreme American flag theming across every booth and vendor front. Now that you’re looking around, you can actually see several booths that have been sponsored by various businesses in the area. Even the post office has a snow cone stand. The deeper you get into the event, the more flamboyant the decor becomes. Multicolored streamers and pennet flags connect stands, creating an almost canopy effect.
Simon stops rather abruptly at a booth, waiting behind a few teenagers tossing rings onto bottles. You stop with Johnny about two feet away. What’s he thinking? Simon doesn’t seem like the type who would be too entertained by basic carnival games. Even so, he steps forward and passes over a couple bills to the vendor as soon as the teenagers leave.
“Si’s really good at these. Watch.” Johnny grins beside you.
“Aren’t they rigged?” You raise an eyebrow.
Johnny doesn’t answer, eyes locked on his husband as he lines up one of the rings. You have to lean slightly to see around the breadth of the man - the multicolor rings almost cartoonishly small in his hands. Cute. Your eyes get impossibly wide with each toss, every single one landing comfortably on the bottle necks as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. As if this isn’t one of the most commonly rigged carnival games.
“Holy shit…” You mutter, still staring.
“Aye, tha’s a SAS sniper for ye.” Johnny laughs. “Glad tae see it still comes in handy.”
Simon huffs out a quiet laugh at that. Almost more of a sigh if it weren’t for the shaking of his shoulders. You love it - their little dynamic. The bond between them that’s so strong it’s almost visible.
“‘ere.” Simon turns to you suddenly, holding out a cheap little carnival prize. You can’t even begin to decipher what it’s supposed to be - some sort of furry puff ball with big, embroidered anime eyes and two felt antennae sticking up out of it’s purple head… body… thing…
Your face heats. “F-, uh, me?”
He shrugs. “Suits you. Riley will just chew it up if we take it home.”
“Aye. She’s so good with everythin’ but cheap plushies.” Johnny snickers.
You glance down at the dog in question - her dark eyes glued to the toy in Simon’s hand. Her tail thumps against the ground where she sists dutifully, but you can see the desire to snatch the thing away in her twitchy ears and pleading eyes. You snort, taking the stupid thing and tucking it under your arm with the prayer that they don’t notice the heat now spreading from your cheeks to your ears.
“Thanks…” you murmur, already mentally deciding where to add it to the mess of stuffies covering your bed already.
Somehow you end up walking between them down the street - Simon on your left and Johnny on your right with Riley in tow. You stop at a few other games here and there. All pretty basic. Johnny absolutely kills at the dunk booth.
Simon tires his hardest to help you with your terrible aim, “Just visualize it. Y’have t’ account for the arc.”
You get to the point of sticking your tongue out in concentration. Even so you only manage to knock down a couple of the wooden ducks at the ‘Dunk-A-Duck’ stand. You do, however, win one of those rock candy sticks at the guessing booth. You just hand it off to Johnny. It’s probably not best to load up on sugar in your current state.
Johnny excitedly points to different buildings giving you a rundown of the history of his hometown as you walk. Simon seems to barely be listening. He’s probably heard this a thousand times. Prattling on about the old town square, the church bell that a bunch of teenagers spray painted one time (Johnny was not involved, how could you accuse him of that?)
You find yourself focusing on your feet - keeping each step even and fast enough to remain on pace with them. One, two, one, two, one, two. The air begins to thicken. Muggy and heavy on your skin. Your breaths become shallow and fast. You can’t catch it, the air seeming to get stuck in your throat rather than reaching your lungs. Spots begin to dance across your vision. You stumble over nothing.
Not now! Come on! You’ve been doing so well!
Riley presses against your leg acting as a counter weight. Your body moves on instinct to grab whatever you can - hands wrapping around something strong and covered with cloth. An arm solid as rebar. Hopefully it’s someone you know. All you can see are colorless shapes.
“Gonna pass out - don’t freak!” You gasp before your legs give out.
It’s not that you go entirely out - it’s rare that you fully black out. It’s more like being stuck. Limp and fuzzy and confused. Almost like sleep paralysis. There’s voices and people moving around you. Someone has picked you up, you think, based on the swaying motion and the passing shapes around you. Maybe that’s just vertigo. A door bell chimes.
You finally begin to really come to when something icy is pressed to your forehead. It couldn’t have been more than a handful of seconds that you were gone, but it takes much longer for the world around you to come back into focus.
“I’m sorry…” You murmur, eyes stinging. Even after all these years it’s so damn embarrassing. You blink, the distinct mural that decorates the ceiling of the post office slowly coming into view. Johnny said a big time traveling artist painted it back in the nineties.
“Ye alright?” Johnny murmurs, crouched down beside you. Riley sniffs at your hand, seeming satisfied when you finally move it on your own.
You nod slowly. “Overheated…”
“Give her this.” Someone says. An event medic, you think. The boys must have flagged them down. Fingers press to your pulse point, a light shines in your eyes and you follow it. A quick check of vitals. Johnny shoves a water bottle in your hand as soon as the medic decides you’re fine to move - the contents distinctly murky from some sort of electrolyte pack that’s been shaken into it.
“Up y’get. Slowly does it.” Simon helps you sit up with a hand on your back. It’s so gentle. You don’t miss how he cages in your body the way only someone intimately familiar with caretaking might. Fully ready to catch you if you go limp again.
You sip slow, eyes glued to the ground. You feel so fucking stupid. Can’t even walk down a street without creating some sort of scene. They’re never going to want to hang out with you again, are they? You can’t go out drinking, can’t walk around a festival for longer than a couple hours. You distracted Riley. What if something happened to Johnny while you were having your spell? She might not have alerted correctly because of you. She might have gotten confused and then he could have gotten hurt. He might have-
“Ye really should drink tha’ instead of glarin’ at it.” Johnny pulls you from your thoughts. He’s now sat with his legs crossed beside you. Riley’s head rests in his lap. She seems calm. Content now that the emergency is over and happily lying on a cool floor.
You hum, chugging the last bit of it quickly. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be.” Simon says curtly. “Does this ‘appen often?”
You shrug. “Not as much anymore… usually my medication keeps me stable.”
“Do ye need a doctor?” Johnny tilts his head slightly. There’s no judgment in his tone - in either of their tones. Just calm concern. It probably shouldn’t make you want to cry as much as it does.
You shake your head. “I’ve got liquid IV at home. Just need to sleep it off.”
Hopefully. In reality, a pain flare up is inevitable now. You just won’t know how bad until you’re fully in it.
“Let’s get ye home.” Johnny says, knees popping as he stands.
“I-I’m fine!” You insist, mentally preparing to get yourself up off the floor. “I can get home on my own - I don’t want to ruin your time.”
Johnny levels his gaze onto you, so serious it almost looks angry. It doesn’t match his face. “We’re not leavin’ ye tae get home alone like this.”
You’re caught off guard when an arm slides under your back and another under knees - lifting you like you weigh half of what you do in reality. Like you’re a paperweight instead of a boulder. You blink up at Simon, far too surprised to be embarrassed. At least at first. You splutter out a poor attempt at convincing him to put you down. Excuse and reason after reason and excuse. They roll off him like water off a ducks back. Your face burns as he steps out of the post office with you neatly tucked against his chest - Johnny and Riley in tow.
If you allow yourself to be honest, to give into that weaker part of you (or, at least, the part you consider to be weak) you could possibly admit that this feels nice. Being cared for feels nice. Having your body up against someone else feels nice. It’s been a long time since anyone touched you outside of a polite handshake or accidental bump. You sink into it despite yourself - relaxing against Simon’s chest. They were right, you wouldn’t have made it back. Your head is too fuzzy and there’s that telltale pain in your shoulders radiating up to your neck that signifies an oncoming Bed Day.
It doesn’t take long with Simon’s lengthy strides to get back to your building. You probably wouldn’t have been able to keep up to that running. Well, you can’t really run much at all so you definitely wouldn’t. A stupid, muddled train of thought that melts into the hazy bog of your current mental state. Even Johnny trails a few feet behind. Neither of them speak, marching in determined silence. You attempt to subtly check their faces for any anger. You’d understand if they were angry. Most people would get angry. You interrupted their day out with your useless drama. All you get is a wide, bright grin from Johnny when your eyes eventually meet his.
Simon puts you down with all the care in the world. As if you’re made of fine china. His hand stays on your upper back - planted firmly between your shoulder blades and ready to catch you if need be. Your vision swims a bit, your joints feel like jelly but you manage to dig your keys out of your pocket and unlock the door.
“Here.” Johnny plops the puff ball back into your hands just as you turn to say goodbye. To say thank you - to apologize profusely.
Your brows raise. You completely forgot about it while swimming around in a sea of embarrassment - he must have picked it up for you. You hug it to your chest with a quiet, “Thanks.”
You shift your weight side to side, psyching yourself up for the crawl up the stairs. Probably literally. You don’t think you could stay upright if you tried to walk them like a regular day, or even with an aid. Like a regular or semi-regular person. Fuck.
Johnny follows your eyes up at the staircase. He must sense some hesitation in you. “Do ye need help up?”
You bite your lip, staring at the ground. Standing in one place seems alright, but the thought of climbing is so daunting, even with the cane you have stationed at the bottom of the steps for that exact purpose. It’s embarrassing. You’re young, you should be able to walk up some damn stairs. It isn’t even that many. It’s barely a full flight. Just one story of stairs for fuck’s sake.
“Hey.” Simon touches your cheek, the action snapping your eyes to his in surprise. “It’s okay. C’mere.”
He picks you up again in the same fashion with barely a grunt, taking his time up the steps so as not to jostle you. How many times has he done this with Johnny? you wonder. That’s the only explanation for how good he is at keeping your equilibrium so even. You wonder if he practiced - if he took caretaking classes. He probably did. Does he keep up at the gym just so he can take care of his husband? Simon might be quiet and a little formal, but he exudes dedication.
“Sorry it’s messy…” You murmur when they reach the top of the steps. Glancing behind you, you see Riley sitting patiently at the bottom. Johnny must have told her to stay. “Haven’t gotten to fully unpack…”
You’ve been spending too much time in bed on the weekends. Fucking lazy.
Johnny just laughs. “Ye shoulda seen the first place Simon an’ I had.”
“Wasn’t that bad.” Simon argues, carefully setting you down on the couch. His hands hold your waist to steady you. They’re so warm… It feels wrong to be disappointed when he lets go.
“We hadnae figured out a system yet.” Johnny huffs, hands on his hips. “We ended up hirin’ a specialized maid service the dishes got so backed up.”
You scoff, laying back against the couch with that stupid carnival prize still in your arms. Like it’s the only thing grounding you to reality. The tears that have been stinging your eyes this entire time continue to threaten to spill - a myriad of blinks and careful breaths the only thing keeping them back.
Johnny sits beside you slowly. You can’t meet his eyes. “Do… do ye want tae tell us what it is? Ye donnae have tae - it’s up tae ye. Just if somethin’ happens again…”
“We’d like to be prepared.” Simon jumps in where Johnny trails off.
You chew your lip, still staring up at the ceiling. It splits and that coppery taste coats your tongue for a moment. “I, uh, it’s called POTS. There’s different types but basically my body can’t regulate blood flow and pressure right…” You shrug. “Like I said my medication usually keeps me mostly okay.”
It’s the pain that really gets to you usually, but you don’t need to start dumping on them about that. There’s no reason to spill your guts about things they can’t fix.
“Thanks fer tellin’ us.” Johnny smiles. You stiffen slightly when he reaches out to tuck some hair behind your ear. You tilt your head, still resting on the back of the couch, to meet his eye. “Get some rest, yeah? We’ll lock the knob behind us. Call if ye need anythin’.”
“Okay.” You nod, keeping your eyes down and picking at your nails. “Sorry… about all this… I didn’t - I don’t… I’m sorry.”
“Donnae apologize.” He says softly as he stands. “Never apologize. We’re your friends, aye? Friends help friends. Tha’s all there is to it.”
Simon gives you a discerning nod behind him, expression both soft and deeply serious.
Friends? They consider you real life proper friends? Really? You can’t help but beam up at him. “Yeah.”
A/N: I’ve re-read this chapter so many times that it’s total mush in my brain which tells me it’s time to be done with it.
Bonus: I made a Pinterest board for this fic
#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#call of duty#cod#ghoap#cod x reader#ghost x reader#soapghost x reader#soap x reader#ghost cod#fem reader#reader has pots#fat reader#plus size reader#reader insert#johnny ‘soap’ mactavish x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#johnny soap mactavish#john soap mctavish#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost x reader#across the way
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my favorite and funny silly headcannons (not rlly) and ooc ideas about the batfamily:
Damian Wayne:
- has a dedicated social media accounts for his pets. he gets income and sponsorship from luxury pet brands all the time because of it. he doesn’t really care about the money he’s just happy his pets get to have free stuff that give them a better and spoiled life.
- bro’s a gen alpha he’s probably a brainrot humor kind of kid but he hides it well but it comes out at random times
- he’s a dedicated hater, he loved kendrick lamar’s drake diss songs
- his personal/ official Damian Wayne tiktok account is literally just a hate page for his brothers (but in an endearing way he still loves them)
- prefers watching reels over tiktok bcs of the funny comments and the unhinged reels that come out there
- Damian Wayne is a weeb… he was absolutely there during the Anime tiktok lockdown era (if he was even born yet idk) so he knows all the cringe weeb shit.. he quotes it at random times….
- Damian was strictly shoujo mangas and anime but Jon showed him My Hero Academia and he LOVED it. he respects Koda and likes his quirk. MHA was one of the only mangas he read that’s not shoujo lol. (lets ignore the part where there was official damian wayne art where there was a chainsaw man manga with him (i dislike csm))
- he probably did one of those kpop pc decora things out of a printed picture of his fave anime character cough bakugo and tamaki suoh cough (he got influenced by flatline nika)
- he most likely listens to Twice bcs Flatline suggested it to him (this is not bcs I am a once (yes it is))
Batfam:
- to be able to keep up with Brucie Wayne’s diva it boy appearance he occasionally does those derma clinic facials and time to time he invites his kids. Stephanie absolutely is always with him, Cass as well but she’s only there because Steph seems to love it so she’ll always do what Steph loves. It came to a point where Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson, Duke Thomas started to become pretty boys (Jason is not there he could not stand Brucie persona)
- there has been rumors of Brucie Wayne having a bbl and to prove them all wrong Brucie posted a gym workout where his focus was his ass. lets just say BRUCIE JUICY ASS?? on twitter was trending and the kids HATED it. maybe haha certain heroes liked it a little more than others lmfao
- Damian got hyperfixated on into the spiderverse and across the spiderverse he forced his whole family to rewatch it with him
- Jason got asked to come over to the manor by one of the siblings and took a sneaky pic of his whole body just to put it in one of those “dance if you love your family” ai dancing thing on tiktok. he never came back to the manor….
- Tim and Damian have this online feud in tiktok where they comment unhinge and insulting comments to their public official account each other but ofc its filtered so it can cross the tos. Damian once commented “I hope to see you hanging in the streets” and almost got banned from tiktok
- whenever any of the fam asks something from Cass that she doesn’t wanna do she goes “sorry I’m mute” (she takes advantage of her not so disability) Stephanie taught her that she said it would be funny. it works sometimes bcs the other was probably too tired to notice or just goes along bcs they think Cass learning gen Z humor is funny.
aight ive ran out of ideas they were just mostly damian and batfam AHAHAHAH
#dc#dc comics#batman#batfamily#batfam#damian wayne#tim drake#dick grayson#jason todd#duke thomas#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#if the cass offended u guys pls no i’m disabled bruh its funny to me <//3
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Astrology Observations #26
If you guys would like to show your support, you can buy me a coffee here :)
I’m starting to compile a list of reviews for readings on my masterlist so check it out if you’d like😊
If you guys would like a reading, feel free to DM me or fill out my Google form here
Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. Enjoy!
Please do not copy my work.
🍿Someone I know has a Scorpio ruled 7th house and through their past relationships have been victims of witchcraft because of it. Whether it was their partners paying people to do spells on them or someone their partners were previously involved with or someone their partners were close with, its been a somewhat common occurrence for this person unfortunately☹️
(And i don’t think having a neptune there helped either…😕)
🍿Those of you who have your Moon in the 8th house, do you like horror films? Like it’s something i’ve noticed with a few people i know and i personally dislike a lot of them👎
🍿As a girl with a Gemini Juno, funny guys are my absolute weakness😩😩 Gemini Sun men also. In fact just all men with Gemini placements. Does this apply to you guys with your Juno placement?
🍿Aquarius risings are so cool, love them😚
🍿Since the 12th house rules bed pleasures, how many of your 12th housers like really and i mean REALLY like your bed. Like in fact do you guys ever like leaving your house?
🍿If you have Uranus in the 4th house, if you’d like to, tell me what your family does that you think no other family does🤔
🍿Everytime I have my Moon in the 8th house in my lunar return chart, something always comes to an end. Do you guys notice the same thing with your lunar return charts or nah
🍿Not an observation but I have Pluto in the 8th house at 29 degrees for my solar return chart this year and I am a little frightened icl… have any of you guys had this placement in your sr charts? If so, what happened that year?
🍿Living on your Saturn MC line is soooo tough😩feeling like life is harder for you than most ppl is NOT it😭😭
🍿Leo Risings, do your relationships ever stem from a friends to lovers type situation or nah?
🍿Now i know i’ve mentioned this before in a previous post but I just wanna say again that having a Moon-Chiron conjunction in your sr chart absolutely sucks. A year where you can really be going through it😖😖😖
🍿I currently have Neptune in the 1st opposite mars AND mercury in the 7th house in my sr chart and i can tell you that the daydreaming about being in a relationship has gone into overdrive…😔
🍿I also have my 5th house ruler conjunct chiron in my sr chart and heartbreak has occurred… so if you have it in your sr chart you may wanna brace yourself😫
(I thought my sr chart was gonna be really good but I was unfortunately blind to every other placement in my chart but my major 7th house stellium… REMEMBER GUYS A 7TH HOUSE STELLIUM CAN INDICATE GAINING BEST FRIENDS AND DOES NOT GUARANTEE YOU A RELATIONSHIP😭😭
🍿A more straightforward observation but having Chiron in the 11th house of a SR chart can indicate losing some friends… like not necessarily in the typical way where you guys fall out, but it could be a scenario where they move away, or you guys can’t see each other as often for whatever reason.
🍿I feel like living on your Saturn MC line can also indicate getting into more problems with authority figures and more so them starting problems with you… they can turn into absolute f***ing b****rds out of nowhere… sorry i just have some trauma with members of authority😭😭
🍿I have my sun at 10 degrees and a 10th house stellium… I wonder if thats why i’ve always felt like i had an old soul… this is probably why my family always says to me that i’m a grandma😭😭
🍿7th house ruler in the 10th house of a sr chart can indicate meeting someone at work
🍿In a few months Jupiter will conjunct my natal Juno… I wonder what’ll happen then?🤔
🍿I feel like Gemini Mercury’s multitask a lot. Like A LOT. It’s almost tiring to watch them do it tbh😭
🍿I feel like having a Leo ruled 5th house can indicate attracting partners who worship you.
This was different from my other observations but I hope you guys still enjoyed it😭
#astrology#astro#astro posts#astrology community#astro community#astrology posts#astro notes#astro observations#astrology notes#astrology observations#astrology readings#astrology placements#astro placements#solar return#lunar return#natal chart
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Lucifer invites Alastor to his room in the hotel. Alastor complies, for what else can he do while he was stuck in a deal with His Majesty?
Radioapple Week - Day 4
Prompt: Drinking/Bonding
“Come, Alastor, you have fixed me up, it’s only right for me to pay back the favour.” Lucifer smiles, as he glances down at his hands. The cloth, streaks of golden blood now forever staining its ragged appearance, was thrown to the side. Lucifer was blossoming in front of Alastor, and he was worried of the next word that fell from his mouth, either feather-like or tumbling down like crushing boulders. He didn’t want to ruin him, make him wilt all because he was blocking the sun.
“I’m good, don’t worry.” Alastor shakes his head at the offer. The staff being fixed was enough for the price that he thought Lucifer needed to pay.
“Oh, come on, we have only started today.”
“It’s late in the evening, and night is trailing just behind.”
“But that doesn’t mean we can’t spend it together, can we? This place smells of blood and death, let’s head back to my room, take a drink or two, shall we?”
“Are you serious?” Alastor’s eyebrows furrowed, pinched together, almost straining his facial muscles. “You better not make me sleep in your bed again.”
“No guarantee,” he teased, but when he sees Alastor’s expression unchanged, still as firm and rigid as how it was before, Lucifer says, “Okay, okay. No sleeping in my bed.”
“And not vice versa, either. I don’t want you in my room.”
“Got it. Okay, let’s get out of here, can we? I’m starting to sweat.”
The trapdoor swung open with a bang, and they climbed down. Alastor pondered over whether or not the trapdoor was cracked due to Lucifer’s unneeded immense force when we pushed the trapdoor aside.
~
“Welcome to my room,” Lucifer smiles, as his arms shoot up in a welcoming gesture. “Excuse the number of ducks, I’ve yet to transport them back to my own house.”
“Why do you have so many?” Alastor asks.
“I keep them as friends, they’re nice to have. Oh, and, did you know they were originally meant to be a chew toy? That’s funny, because I chew on one of them all the time. Stress relief, nothing much.” The rubber duck on the table next to the bed was picked with slender fingers. He placed its tail in its mouth, biting it down with jagged teeth. It was left with a couple of bite marks which glitter underneath the fluorescent lights of his room and there were more trailing downwards from where he initially bit into, past marks of hardship. “It’s not bad, I’d be dead if it ever broke, but I made it out of good material so it shouldn’t break… easily. Oh, and these aren’t actually made of rubber, they're made of plastic.”
Alastor nodded along to his every word, even though not a single word was understandable because he wasn’t interested in rubber ducks to the extent that Lucifer was, but was happy to listen to him talk so fondly about how he makes them, what purpose do each of them serve, and more—a script he had memorised in his head and was more than willing to share to anyone who piqued their interest in his creations.
After some time, Lucifer turns around and asks, “Sorry, was that too much? Am I boring you? I’m probably boring you. What was I—oh yeah, the alcohol. I keep a couple of bottles in the bottom drawer.” He pulls out one of them, liquid filled half-way. When Alastor tips himself lower to see the other bottle, he finds one of them empty.
“Have you had other guests over?” The question that Alastor asks makes Lucifer turn around to him.
“I have not. Why?” He inquires.
“One of the bottles is empty. Have you had other people finish it with you?”
His face tilts to the floor. He’s gloomy, eyes unable to meet him. Speechless. Quiet. The fist that holds the bottle is tightened, and Alastor was worried cracks would form underneath his grasp, liquid overflowing everywhere, or that the pain from healing wounds would be too much for him to bear, and the bottle would drop to the floor, screaming as a puddle of dejection would spread across the floor. “I’m not answering that question.”
“Of course, I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologise. Come on, I’ll pour you a glass.”
“Let me. Your hands need a rest.” Alastor picks the bottle from his hand, and gestures for Lucifer to sit on the bed.
He does so, and the bed creaks slightly, the blanket underneath him ruffling. “The glasses are behind the bottle, by the way,” he says. His voice is soft, forcing itself out. Alastor resisted the urge to envelop him at the moment, make him feel the perfume of flowers underneath the tip of his nose.
When he pulls the glasses out from behind the cupboard, Lucifer smiles ever so slightly, and Alastor feels his soul brighten with joy. “Wine? How classic.” Alastor jokes, hoping to tug that smile upwards a little more. It works, he’s got Lucifer grinning, while he pours him a glass first and hands it to him, before he pours a glass for himself.
When he sits next to Lucifer on the bed, he couldn’t help but notice the sparkle in his eyes. It dances and glimmers, it flickers with admiration, it tugs at his heart in the best way possible. The chaos that fires within him was drunk away, as he wants to live in the moment with Lucifer, stay in endless conversations with him. Neither seemed to mind the spillage of the wine on either of their suits, as they laughed and bickered as if they had known each other since life.
“I’m tired, Alastor yawns, and puts his glass on the tabletop.
“Let’s get you to your room,” Lucifer chuckles, a drunk mess—his words were slurring. “No sleeping in my bed, remember?”
A part of him chokes on regret. He wants to feel Lucifer next to him, like the night before. Curled up in his sheets, even if they aren’t touching each other, but his presence was enough to comfort him through nightmares. “I want to stay with you,” he blurts out, a thought that was never meant to make it past his razor-sharp teeth or his once filtered tongue.
“This is the drunk Alastor I’m talking to.” Lucifer stands on his two feet, wobbling. “Come on, to your room.”
“Okay, fine,” Alastor sighs, and stands too.
“Aren’t you going to go and mix with your shadow to go back to your room or something?”
“I want you to take me back.” Another sentence that he has muttered into the air, when he was too drunk to watch what he says, and he can’t ever take it back.
“You’re really drunk, jeez,” Lucifer laughs, as he offers Alastor his hand. When they slide together, a reminder of how Lucifer's hand first felt in his from the night before, the door was opened, and they stumbled back to Alastor’s room.
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1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
#radioapple#appleradio#radioapple week#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin fanfic#hazbin hotel fic#hazbin hotel fanfic#hazbin hotel fanfiction
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DCRC Week 1. Translation Troubles
Everyone is going to talk about the story already. Everyone has read the story already. You can find a hundred reviews in probably 10 different languages (mostly Italian) everywhere (mostly papersera). Evroniani is iconic. That’s why I’m going to review the shitty English translation. Or is it shitty? I don’t know! We’re gonna find out today! I have no idea what I’m doing!
C’mon c’mon follow me dear little readers
Now where did i leave it? You know, I haven’t really touched it since i bought it don’t remember how long ago. The memory starts to fade when you become old.
I think it was here. I bought a darkwing comic with it and made my little brother pay for a skylanders comic to remove the shipping costs. I don’t think he has read the Skylanders comic either, but it did save me a few euros on shipping. You could also pick it up at their store or at a comic con that they would be at in a few days or weeks. I don’t remember. The darkwing comic sucked by the way.
Ah look at that! I did read the last page though. With the little translated evronian article. It’s a shame they didn’t translate those to more countries. Those were cool. This one I remember was cute. For the rest i flipped through it and read the introductory pages. All the ‘real new’ content.
And there it is! Beautiful, is it not? I don’t have a lot of American comics, but they are always so fancy. Paper quality is amazing, and in these funny plastic sheets with carton to make sure they stay mint and new and things. When it came in it was incredibly well packed and protected. Unnecessarily so even I would say. But it was really appreciated. Always like it when it’s obvious they did it because they love comics and wanted them to arrive safely. I felt almost a little bad they put so much effort while i bought so little. They sold this thing for €3 you know? I don’t know if they knew how rare these are. I also don’t know how tf it even got all the way from America to them in Zaandam. Was it Zaandam? I don’t remember. No it was not Zaandam. But it was something with a Z. Or not. The memory is bad. Have i said that already?
I think it’s funny that they describe the one-page column as a story. Even inducks wouldn’t do that! They would describe it as an article you know. Anyways. Both ‘stories’ in this issue are translated by Jonathan H. Gray. Absolute legend. I have heard he’s an actual fan of PKNA which is nice. Always makes me happy when people love the work they’re doing. Have i said that already? Have i said that already?
Alright enough with acting like a senile old man. Imma read the story now. Will be back telling what i think of the translation soon. Though for you that means after one line of white pressing enter.
Overall, the translation is fine. The slang and amount of ‘’s didn’t annoy me that much. I do find that the dialogue is overall more childish than the Dutch version. It does more explaining and tries to do all those annoying alliterative amplifiers that the American translators really seem to love for some reason.
Sometimes I do find it more expressive than the Dutch version. Almost all of the banter between Donald and Uno I do very much prefer. It’s a lot more colourful and full of personality. You don’t need a single issue more to believe that these two are friends (lovers). Gray managing to convey that feeling through the dialogue alone is a great show for his talents.
The stylized enhancing or decreasing of the size of some of the letters is fun. Though that’s a lettering thing. Thankfully they credit those too! Great job Deron Bennett!
I do really appreciate all the creative decisions and extra references in the English translation. They do take me a little bit out of the story, but it makes for a fun way to re-experience it.
Sorry, that was a bit of a short review. I’m not a very experienced translation reviewer guys this is my first time.
To make up for it; here some individual parts of the translation and my reactions to them:
found a darkwing duck line coming out of pks mouth (or beak whatever). disgusting.
Btw Freezeflames is also a disgusting name for them Coolflames. they are already coolflamed now you gotta give them a shit name too?
im sorry, who tf is ed?
It seems Jonathan is also a DonOdin shipper.
Overall, good to finally have read the only English PKNA story I own. I might have never done it if it wasn’t for the DCRC! That would have been a shame, because Gray’s translation work does add a few fun things. And like, dude, it’s PKNA in English. Officially. That’s rad. You gotta have experienced that at least once as a fan. I think. I don’t remember. Have i-
Funny thing the American and latest Dutch translations dropped around the same time. The American publication sadly stopped very soon, while the Dutch publications stopped a few months ago (still crying, because the next part of PK Pikappa should have just come out like a week ago or something if they didnt cancel it boohoo whyyyyy agony).
#dcrc#dcrc week 1#dcrc paperinik#pkna#translation#jonathan h gray#deron bennett#might be the only deron bennett tag on this site
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ALISA???? FOR FREE??????
#PUT THOSE GRIPPERS AWAY#I will make feet jokes til the day I die I don’t care#I love this art though it’s so good#JUST FEET#I’m so sorry this probably is not funny like at all#I’m posting this strictly for personal reasons because it’s like 3 am and I think it’s funny#I NEED ALISA CONTENT#these violent delights#our violent ends#alisa montagova#foul lady fortune
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^3^
(there’s a bonus drawing under the cut that i don’t like enough to put in its own post but i still think it’s cute lol)
fambily :]
#.png#mcytshipping#qsmpshipping#qsmp#qsmp missa#qsmp phil#pissa#< that’s still so funny#eyestrain#tried some fun stuff with the rendering how do we feel about this gamers#been needing an excuse to use some of the brushes i’ve made and properly test them#also missa’s hair situation is Truly getting out of hand someone help him#god am i gonna have to start putting the eyestrain tag on all my art#i’m sorry i just like neon okay#i feel like anyone that’s followed me for a long time probably knows that#anyways welcome back to me posting gay shit on main it’s been a while
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OOOOHHHH PIZZAHEAD HAS A CRUSH ON PEPPINO- *get zap by his laser beam*
owie
Guys I think he likes Peppino- 👀
#Pizza Tower#Ignore the tags if you just wanna see funny art <x]#I haven’t answered asks for so long guys. I’m so sorry 🙁#I’m thinking of just answering requests when I have the motivation to do it. I swear to all the asks that were sent in December I really#hope this doesn’t bother you 🙇♀️🙇♀️#Idk I think I’m just kinda loosing it towards answering requests- They’re fun don’t get me wrong! But I feel like it’s something I HAVE to d#I’m probably gonna answer them one at a time. That way I don’t feel as stressed about it#I hope this doesn’t kill your guys mood.#Pizza Head#Also so real anon#Anon ask#ask
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I have like .. a verrry longstanding oath to never posting sketchbook/notebook drawings because they’re always so messy and gross BUT i will break it for this ‘cos i was mindlessly drawing the………reptiles (pitaya and buttercream) and they accidentally ended up looking like silly little friends !! And I was like. OH YEAHHH. RETWEET. !!!
i do want to draw the two properly interacting sometime, but then i’ll have to figure out sizes … errmmm. ☹️ (lazy)! Also I’m fully gonna admit. I learned how to draw buttercream before Royal Margarine himself 🔥🔥🔥 can u tell i was a dragon kid! The reason this one isn’t as messy as my normal trad sketches it becoz I was actually trying to emulate an older (cleaner, tidier) style 😞 I should try to get into the habit of posting my trad drawings more though !! It’d be a lot easier to keep track of the ones I like ….. oh wow i cannot shut uP OKAY BYE
#i have multiple smaller sketches ready of pitaya n buttercream n margarine and all of them r just pitaya scaring them shit out of them#i prommy i can draw them violent <333 I PROMMY. its the silliness i’m sorry!#ermmm what was i doing again#OH#pitaya dragon cookie#buttercream dragon#fanart#oh pitayas horns fading out like that is a bit funny#cant tell if i gave up or if its because my hand rested there so much it got rubbed clean off LOL#horrible mix of the both probably :3#my art
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Really bad picture quality but whatever . I love u musicalmatsu designs .
#ashe is rambling#rambling in the tags#y’all I think if I knew about them in highschool I would’ve gone crazy .#no one talks about them enough I fear .#they’re like inspired by highschool musical and grease and a bunch of other classic musicals#and also Carrie . i think <- the blood buckets#and also telekinesis#(which fits a lot with the theme. i think. did u all know Carrie had a musical)#AND ALSO THE FACT THAT THEY MAKE CONTRACTS WITH#THE AKUMA RIDERS/SEVEN DEADLY DEMONS#it’s so cool I’m sorry .#also the designs for the sextuplets are really cute I think#orson juicy and todd are my favs. which is also funny because theyre my favs so it’s probably me being biased#but still#there’s a lot you could do with the AU I think#not going in the main tag btw since they’re just doodles
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unpopular opinion i think but i’m sad they didn’t stick with the cold, calculating, but calm wesker. it honestly just doesn’t fit him seeing him get impulsively angry at shit he wouldn’t have gotten angry at in re4 or uc
like he’s this character who has really deep lore and trauma, who has seen the worst of the worst, does bad shit, but is also calm and quick to think of solutions when things go wrong
in his newer iterations it just feels like that part of him is gone? like he just kinda gets angry (ahem re5) and we never really see his quick thinking. it almost feels like he’s so dedicating to his plan he doesn’t want to think of other options and it feels like he doesn’t. sure, you could argue that he’s a lil more crazy in re5, but 3 years ago that fucker didn’t beat around spencer despite him using him his entire life. but all of a sudden when it comes to uroboros he wants to get all cocky and just let his guards do all the work which clearly doesn’t work.
if this were like.. any other wesker iteration he would’ve thought to maybe.. i don’t know, do something smarter instead of letting all his soldiers die? wesker took down an entire umbrella base in russia by himself to get all of umbrella’s files but all of a sudden he’s too lazy to kill 2 people who he could impale in a second when they clearly threaten his plans? is he stupid? yeah probably lol
bring back smart wesker i’m tired of him being stupid aka typical comic villain in re5 :[
#i also don’t like him in cv i’m sorry#funny as hell lines but why is wesker smart only when the devs want him to be#i’m just biased i just uc wesker LMAO#i hate that you can argue pretty much anything too#big ego (which he has in uc but still beats ass while being a little bitch)#crazy (fair but back to what i said abt spencer. perhaps that was his downfall but it should really be made clearer)#plot armor (well yes)#me just having an extreme bias toward uc wesker (yes)#wesker not knowing abt project w in his younger years (also yeah but they do not make this shit clear whether it affects him)#(they do it for other characters why can’t they do it for wesker?)#(yeah he’s obviously affected but we don’t even know how much it affects him so it’s hard to even tell if most of his decisions are based-#off that or if it’s just plot armor)#probably plot armor yeah yeah#i just like to complain cause i miss old wesker he was so pookie#i like all the weskers i just wish re5 wesker was somewhat smart
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Yayyyyy Mitori my beloved!! Also Takane’s theme has been the sleeper hit of Unconnected Marketeers for me. And also Nitori’s there. Due to there being Three of Them and just personal motivation weirdness this took like a whole week and I didn’t have the energy to do much personal interpretation of their outfits & hair like ppl often do when drawing Touhou characters; followed the reference too closely on that as usual. But fun fact about turtles! I had trouble finding much documentation on this, but [some?] turtles have a dark line across their eyes that helps them see better horizontally and their eyes turn so that the line is always parallel to the horizon
#art#digital#touhou#takane yamashiro#mitori kawashiro#nitori kawashiro#I also learned new facts about kappa but you’ll have to look those up yourself#not discussing shirikodama here lol#kinda funny drawing all three of them together cause of the key thing#also Takane wasn’t supposed to look that much like Magolor but I think it’s mostly the mouth shape which I gave to all of em bcuz beak#ALSO I decided to give them webbed fingers and then immediately afterwards realized that Takane’s sprite has her holding cards aaaaall the#way down between her fingers which like#obviously I don’t care too much abt being bound by their canon designs but just#the specificity and immediacy of the contradiction was SO funny#I might draw Mitori again and try to tweak her outfit a bit more; we’ll see#she is so cool to me#Sorry I don’t have more to say about Nitori!! she’s neat and all but you can probably tell I’m very influenced by their music
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everyday i wonder how max is not embarrassed and today is no different
#sorry . just. wheezing over him refusing to take part in dts which. while it is fair. it does piss me off when ppl go ‘oh poor max being#shown as the villian in season one and two. bless his heart !!! it makes so much sense why he didn’t want to be part of it’ but then turn#around to shit on lewis for not doing a two minute clip at MOST for fucking secret santa. and staying in dts who are worse to him than they#are to max but you just know if he refused to do it then the sympathy shown to max for not doing it would be not given to lewis at all.#and now that max has that number one on his car and then spent last season wanking off to him so they could shit over lewis he’s like. omg#i’m back. i never called them a cunt. dts is my friend#like. have some backbone max ffs. pls be serious. are u not ashamed#anti verstappen#probably#but it’s more funny than anything else. sort of. laughing through my anger etc#blessed.txt
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They’re calling my baby Gojo, Joseph Joestar now
#rambling#the diff is that Gojo did apologize after being called out and face to face with his racism whilst Joseph literally befriended nazi’s 😵💫#and there was never any explanation from araki as to why he’d even wrote German soldiers in the shit in the first place like that was#absolutely jarring as hell to read for the very first time back when I’d gotten into jjba#well I watched it first but you know#like Joseph really thought fondly of Stroheim as this stand up guy even though he’s first of all#a Nazi#and second#the first scene that we were introduced to was of him sexually harassing a Woman#it’s……. 🗿#still to this day I wonder if araki had ever addressed this because lord#Joseph was just happy to get the help I guess but that felt so ooc for him from what he’d seen 🗣️#happily receiving the help of a Nazi and calling them a nice guy ahhh Joseph-#Gojo would never sjjsaj#my boo boo is a little prejudice but he’s working on it 🗣️#I still think that gege was trying to have a ‘racism is bad’ moment but again#the execution was pretty awkward and it felt out of place considering what had been currently going down in the manga#like the Racism was pretty random but it was swiftly put to a stop which I can appreciate even if it shouldn’t have been a point of#conversation to begin with since why couldn’t Miguel just exist as a character instead of him being the now token negro#who everyone sees as instantly more frighteningly powerful than everyone else like this didn’t even need to be brought up wllssldk#idk gege was trying to be ‘woke’ 😭. sorry nbs and wp ruined the term for me but like basically lol#gojo’s pretty intelligent and extremely gifted but he’s never been perfect lol#it’s just that idk why gege chose to talk about antiblackness in Japan out of nowhere about the only black character on screen hehhhhhh#like gege tried but lmfao#this is so funny to me#at least it didn’t drag on putting Miguel in an even more awkward situation than he already was and it was nipped in the bud quickly#Gojo isn’t one to dwell on things but when he’s face with new information and is taught something he does try to reflect and do better and#I’m sure he probably started to become even more aware of what he’s saying especially when talking to Miguel in an honest way since that’s#always been the kind of character who he was despite the horrors#the only ppl who’ve been kinda annoying about this are nbs and white people as always 🗿
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Confession that will get me cancelled: I will sometimes reference super mario logan videos cuz I used to watch some. and they were honestly really funny if you ignored the problematic bits.
#I AM SO SORRY EVERYONE. but some of those jokes have stuck with me for years.#UNIRONICALLY THE EPISODES HAD A REALLY GOOD FORMULA. LIKE WTF.#I’m not getting over the episode where they were gonna fail the test but Cody let them copy his test#and then the teacher said ‘you did really great Cody!’ he said ‘I got an A?’ the teacher said ‘yeah on all 3 of them!’#‘YOU IDIOTS COPIED MY N A M E TOO?????’ bro that was hilarious 😭😭😭#also the episode where Junior believed the Sun was a planet. bro. the plot twist that they sent him to the sun not because they believed him#but because they thought a kid stupid enough to believe you could land on the sun deserved to be sent to it 😭😭😭 WTFF#there are some episodes I remembered really liking but I don’t remember why#and as much as I’d like to rewatch them I… don’t think I can……..#I think if I went to rewatch old SML videos I’d be shot#also the journey to find the specific episodes would probably be a disaster#anyways that is my confession. I do not support SML or the problematic things in the episodes I liked.#it was just genuinely really funny and clever sometimes. unfortunately. I only watched it cuz my siblings did. side note all the special ed#kids in highschool loved it and I was confused cuz I was also a special ed kid who had seen it like. how did this ableist bs gain such an#autistic following. I’m telling you it’s because the episode formulas were actually really good. this sucks. I wish it wasn’t so problematic
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