Cuz I know you man! Also you casually mention RPGs like, a weird amount.

(The Gang Tends Bar themed carfire for @its-always-ziney-in-philadelphia Valentines Zine)

dts s1e3! AND e4

-while they first showed the baku maxiel crash in ep2, i'll talk abt it here bc its more focused on in this episode: -now that i've seen the 2010 turkish grand prix, this to me is so so reminiscent to mark & seb's crash. long term driver vs fresh faced golden boy, red bull ~trying~ to be neutral but clearly favoring the younger one, while in MY opinion in both cases it was max/seb more at fault -so daniel's choices make so much sense through this lense, seeing how history was repeating itself -i must say, 🙌 RESPECTFULLY 🙌 claire williams is a milf. hope she's doing wonderfully nowadays -the way sergey sirotkin is literally invisible i was even like who tf is that. sorry u got chewed up and spit out by the f1 machine buddy -in monaco qualifying its an interesting rewatch bc i actually know how things work, so the lil radio snippets actually make sense to me. interestin -this is the first episode where they have a truly well set up victory narrative. real life doesn't usually fit into this good cookie cutter narrative, but daniel's story in this episode really does that and it rly sets the bar for good dts episodes IN MY OPINION -i know that max in this episode gets pointed to a lot as see???? dts edits max to make him look meaner than he is!! and i just dont think thats the full picture. sure, they only show him being grumpy and rash and immature and they dont show any of his goofier side, but 2018 max WAS a big hothead. i honestly think it makes it narratively better to see how immature and short fused he was in season 1 to compare to how he is now!

episode 4!!

-CYRIL COME HOME THE KIDS MISS YOU -oh my god love being reminded of the iconic daniel conversation with his MOM "have a good race love you" "yeah alright. gangster ✌️" -now knowing hondas history gives so much more insight into the nuance of the red bull-honda deal. with them struggling a team and then selling to brawn, to the mclaren honda deals that went horribly, i see it as so much more of a risk than i ever did first watch -which leads me to DANIEL'S CHOICE MAKING SENSE. sure, in hindsight we can see how it failed horribly but it made sense! from the bottom of my heart i dont believe that red bull wasnt gonna prioritize max, and i'd wanna get out of that too! sure it was risky, but if daniel didnt make the jump, would we be lamenting that he didnt instead? i think either choice would've likely gone downhill anyway :( -the exes trying to be amicable bc they still work together vibes are Hilarious -christian's whole 'cyril is an emotional guy' is fascinating because christian is SO emotional!!! the difference is his main emotion is anger, which men tend to convince themselves ~doesnt count~ -'he needs a driver AND an engine 😂😂😂' ate left no crumbs king behavior

14, 26, 30 😊

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?

I don’t think so. I love finding new writers to love (both in published original work & in fanfic). I think that if I had stuck to only a few trusted writers I would have missed out on so many great reads. I am probably less likely to read something from a newer writer than a BNF when it comes to tropes that I am not a huge fan of, especially something along the lines of my main ship and being poly. I know that I will be seeing that BNF on my dash all day/week/month long – but that new writer – I might only see them once (I get that I am in the minority on this). The newer writers need to know that people enjoy their writing just as much as the BNF – but so many more people will scroll on by the newer writer, to only read the BNF (for this reason – the number of kudos a fic has, has absolutely no bearing on what I read – so many fics get passed over by people only willing to read the BNFs). -sorry, I got off track – but think it still applies.

26. Would you rather write a fic that had no dialogue or one that was only dialogue?

I think depends on what I am writing. If I am writing TK angst – especially emotional or mental angst – little to no dialogue lets me dig deep into what is going on in his head. I can really get into it, but when I have to add a bunch of dialogue – it can easily lose some of what is in my head – it is easier to do introspection without out dialogue (and season 4 of LS has given me plenty of need for introspection). BUT – when I am writing something lighthearted – I love to use a lot of dialogue – the goofier the better.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

I think that the first fic I do with a new (to me) idea is me going out of my comfort zone – the hardest were whump & smut. I was comfortable with writing the follow up of whump – but not the actual whump – until a Tarlos whump week. I did a ton of medical research, talked to my stepson’s mom (she is a RN & now teaches nursing), and did a whole lot of hoping that it would turn out ok. It also helped me get more comfortable with angst of all sorts (and how fun it can be to write)

I have been reading romance novels since I was like 12, so reading smut has never bothered me – but writing it was a whole other story. There is something intimate about writing smut that feels like you are giving more of yourself to the fic than in some other situations – It was hard for me to see past that. To see that it is words on a page, ones that I can use my own experience with to make more real. That I don’t really have to be the one experiencing it to write it. Now, I think it is fun, just like real life smut. Plus – my husband doesn’t exactly have an issue being my test dummy when needed. Writing both Whump & Smut have made me enjoy the process of writing more, be more creative & open minded, think outside the box more often. Which is great and has led me to my current fic – which I am having SO MUCH FUN writing.

Going in blind: Watching season 4 for the first time. Random thoughts.

I never said anything about it before but I love Shadow Weaver's DCAU Batman eyes. They're so expressive.

Episode 1: Okay...I wasn't expecting Catra to do that. I mean, it makes sense. If she has leverage over Hordak then she's basically in charge of the Horde and that's what she's wanted (or at least believes she wants) since episode 1. It's an aspect that made her a good antagonist, that she's not blind to the evil of the Horde, she just doesn't care as long as she herself is secure. Which naturally begs the question, when the rebellion and the princesses are crushed, when the Horde is on top, when Adora is dead, when Catra finally has everything she's ever wanted...will she actually finally be happy? Somehow, I have my doubts.

I definitely feel for Glimmer in this. When you go through as big a loss as she did you need to be able to feel and vent if you're ever going to get through it. It doesn't have to be right away but everyone doing everything in their power to avoid the topic entirely can make you feel like you're going crazy. It'a especially bad for her since it unintentionally makes it feel like everyone is acting like it doesn't matter that Angela is gone when it clearly means everything to Glimmer.

Episode 2: I actually had a potted cactus plant once. Accidentally forgot about it and left it outside for an entire winter. Once the snow was gone the cactus looked like it had melted.

I kind of want to see what an interaction between Double Trouble and Clayface from the Harley Quinn animated series would look like. I'm guess Catra was just testing how good Double Trouble was as a doppelganger because it doesn't seem like she did anything while Adora was being distracted, though I suppose that could be a reveal in a later episode.

Not much to say except that I love how buff Huntara is while still clearly being a woman. Like, women can have a variety of different body types, as this series and Steven Universe show, and Huntara's build isn't just, like, Bow's body with lipstick and ponytail and the animators calling it a day. No, she looks like a freakin' jacked adult woman.

Episode 3: I didn't figure out the Flutterina = Double Trouble twist until a minute before it was revealed, so good job there. Before that I was wondering if Flutterina was some fan's original character where they won some contest where their OC got to be in the show for an episode. She was giving off some weird self-insert vibes. That twist made it all work though. It's honestly not a bad plan. Shapeshifters haven't really been a thing in the series before now so there's no reason to suspect it. Even if they did they'd probably be expecting it by way of magic or technology, while Double Trouble's seems to be a natural ability.

I like that even though Bow is definitely the goofier one of the trio he is still consistently shown as competent. That's never in question. He was very heroic and reassuring to the villagers this episode. I get why those kids idolize him so much.

Catra's having guilt over what she did with the portal and to Entrapta and her response is basically to just double-down. She doesn't know any other way to be. Not going to lie, I am kind of hoping we get another moment in the show where Adora just completely overwhelms Catra with the sheer power of She-Ra. I'm not saying like brutalize her or anything but just something where Catra is made to realize just how powerful Adora is and that she could just destroy Catra if she had a mind to do so.

Episode 4: Well, I was saying I wanted Adora to do it but I guess I don't mind Glimmer being the one to get some good shots in on Catra. Like I predicted, Shadow Weaver's moving in to become her teacher like she was with her father. Honestly I like that that was more Adora's problem than Glimmer using her as bait, which she seemed to get over pretty quick. Yeah, it was kind of a heartless thing to do but it was an understandable tactic and she clearly outright told Adora that she did it and why afterwards, which at least means she's still being honest.

It occurs to me that Glimmer and Catra may be the ones running parallel right now. Both are basically leading their respective sides of the war. They both have lost someone very important to them. And both are trusting someone they probably shouldn't. Both even have outfits that've been updated in the intro. The difference is Glimmer's just trying to deal with a bad situation while Catra's is entirely self-inflicted.

Minor thing but I like Glimmer's new outfit this season. I'm sure this is the intention but it makes her look older and more mature. A little more muscular in some shots too.

Episode 5: Heart of Etheria project. No idea what that is but assumedly whoever's a part of it doesn't like Light Hope and Mara being friends. Sounds like it's very much interested in She-Ra being just a warrior, and perhaps a tool, for the greater good. It does make me wonder though how much Light Hope remember from when she was rebooting. Even if she deleted the Mara memory she could potentially still have the memory of her and Adora watching the Mara memory, as well as Adora asking to be her friend.

Episode 6: Yep. Scorpia; definitely favorite supporting character. There is something kind of funny about her whole "Scorpions are loyal" line when you remember the story about the Frog and the Scorpion, where it stings the frog despite it meaning death for itself as well simply because that is its nature. But finally we're having someone go save Entrapta, and I can only assume at some point Scorpia's going to access the power of the Black Garnet.

The parallels between Catra and Hordak are definitely at their max here with that speech of hers to him. She's basically trying to convince herself that she doesn't need anyone, the timing of which is appropriate since she just drove away Scorpia and now truly doesn't have anyone. Not that I blame Scorpia, obviously. Like Adora before her, however good you believe someone can be and that you can help them, at some point you just have to cut the toxic people out of your life. You have the right to be happy too.

And man, Bow is just the best. He saw something was wrong between Adora and Glimmer and defused the situation like (snap) that, pushing them to talk like any sane person would.

Episode 7: I'm sure it is just because I've seen way too many TV shows and movies (both animated and live action) that don't do it but it is just such a relief to have a show where the characters just TALK and LISTEN to each other. It doesn't solve all their issues but they're at least not being stupid and freakin' petty. It helps the drama feel a lot less forced and contrived.

Episode 8: A little bit of amusement in Bow thinking at first that Glimmer and Adora didn't even notice he was gone despite them coming to his rescue very shortly afterwards, given Catra is only now realizing Scorpia has left and assumedly she did so a while ago. Bow and Sea Hawk hadn't been gone for that long so it's not unreasonable Glimmer and Adora wouldn't be worried about their absence (Bow was literally talking about "me time" when they last saw him), while Catra is only noticing Scorpia's absence now and it was because she wanted something. Like Scorpia said, she's a bad friend.

Kind of ironic given that a lot of Catra's issues are the direct result of Shadow Weaver giving her very little love growing up but it does seem this tough love is probably what'll get through to Catra the best. She might finally stop making bad decisions and lashing out if she's forced to live with the consequences of them, like Adora told her last season.

Glimmer gets a bit of slack from me since she suffered through a huge loss, that being her mother, and then was immediately thrown into being queen right after. It'd be hard for anyone to be 100% on their game and well-adjusted in a situation like that, and I buy that she was on some level resentful of Adora for coming back instead of her mother, even if unintentionally so. What definitely helps is that Glimmer very clearly and immediately regretted what she said to Adora. Like Catra she's lashing out but unlike Catra Glimmer recognizes some of the damage she's doing and knows, at least in this case, that she went too far.

Episode 9: Now that I can see the design in color I definitely prefer Mara's She-Ra with pants to Adora's She-Ra with shorts. Honestly, while the differences are pretty minor, I do think Mara's She-Ra design is overall a lot better than Adora's. Sharper shoulder guards. Bigger cape (especially the cape, I love capes). I don't know, there's just a lot that clicks with it and I wouldn't mind Adora getting a similar outfit later.

Madam Razz definitely had a Yoda feel this episode. I was very much expecting her to start wacking Mara with a stick over the sugar like Yoda did with R2. Though while that was Yoda acting crazy, for Razz it's because she experiences time out of order, and I don't think I've ever seen that concept taken to this extent, or at least done this way before. There are characters like River Song from Doctor Who, Professor Paradox from Ben 10, or even the Reverse-Flash who interact with other characters in time out of order but those characters are still on a linear path from their own perspective, even when travelling through time. Razz is just bouncing around her own timeline, seemingly not even any real reason or cause to it like Subaru from Re:Zero. Clearly she's not just remembering things oddly because her talk about things of the present are heard by people in the past and have an effect. I wonder if maybe the reason why is because Razz was at ground zero of Mara's actions and this is a side-effect of pulling Etheria away from the rest of the universe.

Bringing more Star Wars into this, it basically sounds like the Heart of Etheria project has turned Etheria into a magic Starkiller Base; storing power that'll be unleashed to destroy whole planets. And jeez, I think this was the first time I really felt creeped out by Light Hope when she was talking to Mara.

I'm looking forward to seeing what it means that the First Ones only made the sword and that Etheria made She-Ra. If that's the case, why is only the sword able to bring out the She-Ra form? Is it like MCU Thor's hammer and the weapon was just meant to help him control the power he already had? Or is what we think is She-Ra not actually She-Ra and that form that Adora and Mara take is just a stand-in for the real thing?

Episode 10: It didn't even occur to me until now but Double Trouble's capture is another blow to Catra's circle of "friends" too. They were at least able to make her laugh. One less person for her to talk to and just...really just distract her from her thoughts.

It's a good dilemma this episode presents about what to do with the Heart of Etheria. The safest and probably best option is to just dismantle it, like Adora and Bow want, since it could easily lead to the destruction of the entire planet if it goes off. Not the mention there's so little they know about it and what it was intended for and the one person who can potentially tell them, Light Hope, they were warned not to trust. But it's not hard to understand where Glimmer is coming from in wanting to use that power to fight the Horde. They're already losing the war and now she knows Hordak Prime and his FAR more powerful forces are on the way. Tapping into the Heart is a huge risk but she's not seeing any other paths for the rebels to win. It's a really good dilemma, with good arguments presented from both sides, and I buy this widening the schism between Adora and Glimmer.

Episode 11: I have mixed feelings on King Micah still being alive. On the one hand there's a lot of good potential interactions we can now have with him, primarily between Glimmer and Shadow Weaver, and he is a fun character. But on the other I can't help but wonder if this kind of lessens the impact of what Angela gave up to overcome the false reality. Part of what made it so emotional was that she had to accept the person she loved was dead and not coming back...except now we see that he wasn't dead and now he is coming back. Yeah, their family lost out on years together and that does still carry some emotional weight but I was already also half-expecting Angela to come back later in the series because she's stuck between dimensions, meaning there's a chance she could still be alive. If both Glimmer's parents come back then that really feels like it takes a lot of weight out of her story. But I guess we'll see what happens.

Also, why did the Horde exile him to Beast Island? Why not just kill him?!

Episode 12: So the Horde exiles Micah to Beast Island instead of killing him. The First Ones protect their secrets by sending their bad tech to Beast Island. Does no one know how to just destroy things in this world?

Ohhh, I am so looking forward to next episode. While it's debatable whether Glimmer should be going through with her plan she is at least being smart with how she's going about it. Double Trouble was being paid by Catra to work for the Horde, not out of any sense of loyalty. Glimmer has the resources of Bright Moon at her disposal so it's reasonable she could pay them more to switch sides. Double Trouble was very good at sabotaging even a group as tight-nit as the heroes, so Hordak and Catra are probably easy pickings with all their issues.

Episode 13: ....WELL THAT AIN'T GOOD!

I'll admit, I had a little bit of an unintended laugh. After all we've heard about Horde Prime, like this shadowy all-powerful monster, I wasn't expecting the fabulous flowing dreadlocks and smoothness. Credit where it's due, man has charisma and charm, which goes a long way in helping your big evil world conqueror not be a very flat character, because it's doubtful he's going to have the same kind of sympathetic motivation as Hordak or complexity as Catra to keep him elevated.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Double Trouble kicking at Catra while she's down. Adora and Scorpia were honest but they never wanted to hurt Catra. Not so much with Double Trouble and they just shove reality into her face. Everyone leaves Catra because of Catra. She's the common factor. It's her fault and no one else's. Again, I don't know for certain if Adora and Catra get together at the end (Catra would have a LOT to make amends for regardless) but Double Trouble was definitely implying Catra had feelings for her with the way they put Catra's hand on "Adora's" cheek while talking about how she left her.

I like that we see Glimmer's plan actually working at first. The princesses get a massive power boost and decimate the Horde forces. But the minute it starts going wrong she immediately admits Adora was right and she tries to stop the energy flow. I imagine having her there with Catra was intentional by the writers. Despite some parallels, Glimmer can actually accept her failures and work to try and fix things. Unlike Catra, she didn't blame Adora for things going wrong.

So the sword allows the First Ones to control She-Ra and the energy she'd be absorbing from the planet. Assumedly that means there are at least some parts to She-Ra that have nothing to do with the First Ones and thus maybe Adora can still use some of those powers without the sword.

Season 4 verdict: Yeah, the show keeps getting better, though I will admit last season's finale had me more emotional, but that's a bit of an unfair comparison given everything that happened in that finale vs. this one. This is definitely the series hitting its darkest hour, where it feels like EVERYONE lost. Not just the rebels but the Horde as well. The sword and Light Hope are gone and She-Ra (for now) along with them. Glimmer and Catra are basically prisoners. Hordak's probably going to have his personality stripped away. The Fright Zone is in ruins. The only one who's gained anything is Prime.

Really looking forward to what the final season has in store, especially since there seems to be the implication that Catra just saved Glimmer's life.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/o1j5gk/going_in_blind_watching_season_4_for_the_first/

Walk Me Home - Ch 4

Summary: Twenty-four years ago, Kimberly Harper met a boy who changed the course of her entire life before up and leaving one night. She spent years moving past the memories, building a stable, satisfying career as professor of folklore and mythology at the local university. Then the accidents start, and she’s forced to seek help among her hunter contacts. All it takes is a knock on her office door to send Kimber’s carefully built emotional walls crumbling to the ground.

Featuring: Teen Winchesters, high school romance, reunions, misunderstandings, high intensity emotional turmoil, Dean’s love of pie, Dean being adorable, Sam being adorable and maybe a bit nosy eventually, much group adorkable-ness, show-style investigation, mention of our favorite werewolf, gratuitous and obvious love of fall, DID I MENTION ROMANCE, fluff, smut, tension. 

Warnings: Show level violence, show level parental neglect (let’s not John bash, I’m just saying), show-style witchcraft, show-level mental manipulation, stalking, bit of angst, sexual content (higher than show level),swearing, general yearning

Word Count: 2702

Author’s Note: At last!!! I almost didn’t make it, but here I am, literally in the eleventh hour (well, okay, three minutes to go until the eleventh hour, but still)! All the thanks to @mskathywrites , @fang, and @cracksinthewalls for editing, revision, flailing, and all that stuff I need. I still love this story, and I hope y’all will, too! 

Keep in Mind: There are a lot of flashbacks. I tried to write current events in present tense and flashbacks in past tense. Here’s hoping I got everything right!

Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY. 

In Case You Missed It: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Chapter 4

Kimber knows she’s staring, but she can’t stop herself. His fingers, rough and strong from years of the hardest work, brush circles over her wrists that send her pulse fluttering through her veins. So many emotions flicker behind his eyes, some of them mirroring her own, some of them alien and unreadable. So many years have passed, so much water under the bridge, as the saying goes. 

The thing is, he was completely right earlier. She could have called him, once she learned who he and his family were, once she found a way.

But he had left town with her phone number memorized. He was in a much more logical position to get in touch, and right away, at that. And he never did. She knows he had a good reason, a completely reasonable one that would make sense if she just asked him.

But she’s scared and drained and confused and more than a little ashamed, and she’s tired of making a fool of herself.

She drops her eyes before the tears fully form and murmurs a quiet thanks as she loosens her hands from his grip. Though walking away is not what she wants to do, she forces her legs straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind her with a firm click. 

She’ll feel better after a hot shower. That’s all she needs, a hot shower and a few hours of sleep. They’ll figure this out tomorrow, and then Dean and his brother will ride off into the sunset, and everything will go back to normal. She’ll go back to her classes as usual, helping out the occasional hunter or scholar with some lore, and she’ll bury all these feelings behind her heart again, drown them so deep they’ll never dream of resurfacing.

At least, that’s the fairy tale she tells herself as the scalding stream washes the saltwater from her cheeks. 

She actually does feel moderately restored by the time she steps out of the bathroom. She feels a little ridiculous in Dean’s clothing. The sleeves of the t-shirt hang past her elbows, and the pants legs are rolled up several times to keep her from tripping. 

At least the waist has a drawstring, she thinks as she rounds the corner back into the room. She pulls the towel from her hair, shaking it out a little just as Dean looks up from his laptop at the small table. His mouth opens, eyes widening. She’s not sure because of the poor lighting of the room, but his face seems to color a little as his eyebrows lift.

She is suddenly, acutely aware that she did not put her bra back on when getting dressed in his white t-shirt that is probably not nearly as thin as it feels.

Dean clears his throat, turning back to his computer, swallowing whatever comments have entered his mind. Kimber can’t decide whether to laugh or blush even harder and settles for the third option of hanging her office clothes up so they can air out a little before tomorrow. 

With nothing else to do, she drops onto the edge of the bed gracelessly, feeling every minute of the last few weeks catching up with her. Uncertainty and fear claw at her, ripping away what little defenses she has left. The image of the mutilated doll flashes before her eyes, red paint splashed luridly on her favorite comforter. Her lungs clench, and she sags on the mattress. 

She presses her fingers hard against her face. Acid burns at the back of her throat, bitter and biting. Her fingernails are just beginning to dig into her scalp when she registers the click of the laptop closing. Half a moment passes, then the bed dips beside her. 

She doesn’t consciously decide to move; her body simply molds itself to his side as Dean slides his arm around her back. He turns into the embrace, his other arm gathering her tightly against him. His cheek comes to rest on top of her head. The silence between them is the comfort she needs, his warmth and solidity the anchor that keeps her from drifting too far into panic.

When he finally speaks, his words rumble through her nerves, settling heavy and soothing in her chest.

“We’re gonna get this son of a bitch, Kimber. I’m sorry they got into your house, but I’m glad I was with you. I…” She rises gently with his deep inhalation, pressed as she is against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

She hears what he isn’t saying, and her hands drop from her face, her arms slipping around his middle as her eyes close.

“Me, too, Dean.”

...

“That pumpkin pie was somethin’ else,” Dean murmured. His arms were folded behind his head as he stretched out on top of Kimber’s bedspread. He crossed his ankles, settling in like he belonged there. His thin t-shirt stretched across his wiry frame, jeans lying enticingly low on his hips, and she could just see a glimpse of pink toe through a hole in one of his socks.

A pleasant, off-balancing thrill skipped down Kimber’s spine, twirling through her stomach and making her head spin a little. Dean’s jacket was hung carefully on her desk chair, his boots lined up on the floor underneath, and his button-up overshirt folded neatly on the desk.

Her parents had gone to bed long ago, and she had snuck Dean in the back door. After their exhilarating but chilled stroll that afternoon, she’d decided against the treehouse. Dean had been amused but willing, although he’d had one stipulation that had nearly made her laugh aloud.

“We get caught and your folks kick me out, you’re bringing me your mom’s leftovers to school every day for breakfast. I’m not missin’ out on home cooking just because you can’t stand to be away from me.”

Now, seeing him so comfortable on her bed, like he just belonged...Kimber knew the smile on her face was on the goofier end of sappy, but she couldn’t help it. He was just so damned…

“Cute,” he said, smirking up at her. “I know what you’re thinking. And I’m not cute. I’m adorable.”

She sighed dramatically, feigning exasperation. “Fine, you’re gorgeous, adorable, vital, the absolute most. Now close your eyes so I can change.” Smirk still firmly in place, Dean dutifully closed his eyes. She knew, despite the short time she’d known him, that she could trust Dean to keep his eyes shut.

She spent a few seconds regretting the lack of any silky, dramatic nightgowns or cute, sexy little matching pajama sets. Oh, well; couldn’t have everything. She stripped quickly, tossing her school clothes into the hamper and slipping on her “Aaahh!!! Real Monsters” t-shirt. Thick socks and plaid pajama pants completed her night ensemble. 

That she had just been naked (however unseen said nakedness had been) in front of Dean Winchester had not escaped her. She licked her lips, cheeks warm, and turned slowly back to the bed. He lay still, chest rising and falling steadily, and she marveled, not for the first time, that he was here, in her room. Just for her.

Her pulse jumped, her lungs tightened, and for just a second, Kimber panicked.

“You can, uh...you can open your eyes. I’m gonna go brush my teeth; I’ll be right back.”

She fled silently down the hallway, brushed her teeth in record time, and then stared in the mirror. Her hair was just her hair, nothing amazing or horrifying; no point trying to fix that before bed. Maybe…make-up?

“Kimber. What the hell?” she muttered. “You’re not seducing him, just be cool. Jeez. You can’t wear make-up to bed.”

She splashed cold water on her face, scrubbing her skin dry with a hand towel more forcefully than necessary. She gave her reflection another once-over and took a deep breath.

“You’re his choice, too,” she reminded herself. “Just chill.”

She found him exactly as she’d left him, completely relaxed on the bed, eyes still closed. She thought for a moment that he might have fallen asleep. Kimber wasn’t sure if she felt more disappointment or relief.

“You left in a little bit of a hurry,” he murmured, eyes still closed, and she started. “Everything okay?” She almost put him off, could feel the brush-off on her lips, but his eyes slid open, pinning her on the spot. She got the eerie sense that he would know, that he already knew she was trying to put on a front, and she deflated a little.

“I’m nervous,” she finally admitted. The heat in her cheeks turned up a few degrees, spreading down her neck, and she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “I’ve never...snuck a guy to my room before. I just...this is mostly new to me, but with you, I want...I don’t know.”

Without a word, Dean slid from the bed and crossed the room, his mesmerizing eyes never leaving hers. He stopped a few feet away and waited, his arms open. With the bed suddenly out of the equation, Kimber felt a hidden knot of anxiety untie in her chest. 

She let out a breath and stepped into his embrace, her arms circling his waist in a way that felt easy and right. Dean’s lips pressed a warming kiss to the crown of her head. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispered. “This is your room, your space, but even if it wasn’t-” He paused, leaning back and brushing his thumb over her cheek. “Kimber, look at me.”

She did, and his earnest expression left no room to doubt his next words. It barely left room for breathing.

“ ‘M not here to make you feel uncomfortable or scared. I’m here because you want me to be. The second that stops, the second I make you feel something you don’t want, that’s it. Period. Does that work for you?”

His eyes, so plaintive and weathered in that moment, cut right to her heart. Never in her life had Kimber felt so safe, so protected, and so very sad. She couldn’t think of any words that lived up to the magnitude of what Dean had just said, so she simply squeezed him tighter, pressing her face against the side of his neck. 

“Can you stay?” she asked. She knew he had obligations, probably needed to get back to his brother or at least check in with his dad. She felt terribly selfish in her warm, safe house with her parents right down the hall. Still, she asked. 

“Yeah, I can stay for a while.” His smile, soft and open, laid her doubts to rest. They settled onto the bed, fumbling a little awkwardly to find a position they both liked. There was some bumping, mumbled apologies, until they finally sorted out a comfortable twist of limbs that didn’t set her heart beating out of her ribs or threaten to cut off blood flow to anything important. 

She relaxed by increments, her cheek resting on his collarbone. He hugged her close with his left arm, his right hand combing slowly through her hair over and over. The silence settled around them like a second blanket, soothing and heavy.

“What do you want to do when you finish school, Kimber? College?”

“Probably,” she murmured. “I don’t know specifically, but I like research.”

He snorted, and she poked him in the side.

“Shut up, you jerk, I do. And I like sharing the information. I like helping people. I don’t really want to be a teacher, but maybe I can find something where I can do all of that.”

Dean resumed combing her hair, having paused when she poked him, and they settled a little more closely together.

“Dean?”

“Mmm?”

She blinked slowly, sleep pulling at her eyelids. Her thoughts spun out languidly, losing their urgency as his warmth seeped through the thin fabric of her pajamas. 

“How about you?”

His answer came quickly, rehearsed and without thought. “Join the family business. Dad’s been training me for years. Don’t have a lotta choice, but I know I’ll be good at it. Was raised for it.”

Her fingers crept up, her eyes staying closed for longer and longer periods between blinks. She slid her thumb over his chin, just brushing the line of his bottom lip before sliding slowly up his jaw. 

His words weren’t emotionless, but they were automatic. There was so much he never said, and she hated to push him, afraid he would just leave or shut down, but…

“But what do you want?” She persisted, drowsiness interfering with her usual restraint. “Who do you want to be?”

He was silent for so long, she nearly gave in to fatigue. She drifted on the edge of unconsciousness, fingers stroking through the silky strands of hair behind his ears. She felt his face turn, his lips press against her wrist.

“I want...this,” he said. Even half-asleep, she couldn’t mistake the raw longing behind his words. “I want...I want to work a boring, regular job and come home to someone who missed me all day as much as I missed her. I want my kids to cannonball into my legs so hard they knock me over. I want…”

His words choked off, and she stilled her fingers against his cheek, waiting for him to continue.

“I want a house. No...I...when I was little, Dad would come home, and he would just...sweep Mom up sometimes, swing her around, when they weren’t fighting. Even when they were, he’d do it sometimes anyway just to get her to laugh.”

She felt his face shift beneath her hand, but his smile didn’t feel quite right, and she moved closer. His arm tightened around her back, and he smoothed the palm of his free hand down to cup her jaw.

“I want a home. I want to be a dad, a husband. I want a family.”

She felt childish, shallow next to the depth of his simple declaration. Dean wanted what she had, what she took for granted every day of her life. This was the first time he’d spoken of his mother, and though curiosity burned hot inside her, she didn’t dare ask further questions, afraid she’d break the spell of the moment.

Dean’s voice dropped until she could feel it more than hear it, his lips pressing softly against her forehead.

“I want to come home and hold someone until I fall asleep every night. I want to wake up to her and know that my whole day, every day, is gonna be just that, all over again.”

She lifted her face to his then, and in the darkness of her bedroom she could only just make out the barest lines of his features. Their noses brushed, his hand gently pulling at the back of her head, and their lips met. His cheek was damp under her fingertips, and her heart clenched. 

She pulled his head down, brushing her lips over the tears trickling down his cheekbones more by feel than by sight. Both his arms came around her then, pulling her against his chest as he buried his face in his hair. They breathed together, memorizing each others’ scents, heartbeats, rhythms as the night crept by. 

The moment didn’t pass so much as gradually relax until Kimber felt him shift beneath her, smoothly sliding her off his chest and down to the pillows. He kissed her temple, and her face automatically turned to his, chasing his lips. She felt him chuckle against her mouth.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I gotta go. Need to check on Sammy, make sure he got dinner, did his homework, all that mess. I’ll see you tomorrow. Walk you to school?”

She nodded, humming her agreement even as she blindly reached for him. Something soft brushed against her fingers, and she automatically pulled it down, cuddling against the fabric. 

“Hold onto that for me. I’ll get it back from you sometime.” She felt a kiss press to her forehead, and then the click of her door closing. She breathed in, Dean’s scent surrounding her as she slipped under again, his button-up shirt pillowed under her cheek and tangled in her fingers. 

…

Chapter 5

Number 3 with a Taichi/Koushiro friendship pairing? 💚

Ok, this story turned out a little silly. So quick details. As usual, the story takes place inside my Digi-verse :3. Taichi is a littly goofier than usual due to stress and probably the medication. So forgive him lol (?)

Koushiro has a lot of patience, to be fair. 

Hope you like it!

SEND MORE ASKS HERE _____________________________________________________________

I may be stupid, but I’m not an idiot

“Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”

― J.K. Rowling

Taichi had been having a bad day. It had all started when he realized that he had accidentally marked the deadline for his anthropology work on the wrong date, which meant that he had less than 6 hours to finish and send the document to his tutor. To make matters worse, his computer was under maintenance, and he had a bad cold.

It was curious, and extremely tragic, how something as simple as writing a wrong date could cause such apocalyptic results, but there was not much that Taichi could do about it. Hikari, seeing how miserable her brother was, agreed to lend him her laptop so that he could finish his work calmly. The girl wasn't going to need it anyway, since she had plans with Takeru that day, and she wouldn’t be back until late afternoon that day. 

This was how Taichi, made a cocoon of blankets, with a cold compress on his forehead, and a dripping nose, had ended up sitting in the living room armchair, desperately typing about the development of civilization and the evolution of social consciousness based on use of the digital humanities. Agumon watched him curiously from a corner of the room, but Taichi was on Takeru mode, and did not notice the digimon concerned look.

“There!” Taichi roared triumphantly “Now all I need is to sen….what? Oh nono….nonono….don’t do this to me now!”

“What’s wrong Taichi?”

“From all days for the internet to fail….why now?”

Taichi took the laptop and started maneuvering around the room trying to get a wifi signal. The boy was so desperate that he began to try the most ridiculous positions possible; from the table in the living room to the inside of the shower, but  no matter how much he stood on his tip toes or how much he bent down, the connection was too unstable to send the mail.

“I told Hikari we needed a new router!” Taichi growled “Come on damn it! I have 10 minutes to send this or I lose the credits!” 

Taichi continued chasing after the wifi signal until he finally got a full signal and the mail went out. The boy let out a triumphant cry.

“Taichi! Be careful!” Agumon screeched. 

In the middle of his search for a wifi signal, Taichi had barely been conscient of where he’d walked into. He was standing dangerously close to the balcony railing, with one feet on a stool and barely keeping the balance with the laptop in his hand. The sudden realization of this unnatural position made Taichi lose his balance a fall off. Luckily for him, agumon managed to stop his fall, but the laptop was not that lucky. It landed on the floor with a loud thud. 

There was small pause, while both Taichi and Agumon stared at the fallen device with horror.

“Oh no,no….” Taichi said, horrified “Hikari is gonna kill me.”

Taichi picked the laptop and began to check it. It wasn’t broken, at least not as far he could see. The screen wasn’t even scratched , but the hit had turned it off, so he tried turning it back on. 

Taichi held his air as the screen lit up, but then, it went into a blue screen and turned off again. He tried once more, and it happened again.  Hikari was SO going to kill him.

His day couldn't get worse. 

“Ok...keep calm…” he told himself “It’s not a big deal, we need help. It might be fixable. Koushiro! Oh yeah...I need Koushiro...now!”

Taichi took the laptop and without even bothering to change his clothes, he sprinted out of the apartment. He was lucky that Koushiro lived one floor above. Mrs. Izumi was very surprised to see him knocking desperately on their door and after the boy had given her a pretty desperate greeting, she had told him that Koushiro was in his room. Taichi thanked the confused woman and ran into the room, causing Koushiro to fall from his chair in surprise.

“Taichi-san! What  are you doing here?” Koushiro cried.

“Koushiro...this is an emergency….you might be my only hope right now; no,  scratch that, you might be my only chance of survival! Is that Mimi?”

Koushiro's cheeks went bright red and he quickly rushed to turn off his screen.  Taichi watched the black screen stunned and then he shook his head.

“ Forget it. This is more important.” Taichi saId “ I screwed up.”

“ I should be surprised, but strangely, I am not.” Koushiro sighed “ what did you tell Sora.san  this time?”

“What? No, I  didn’t tell her anything.” “Ok, then what did you do to Sora-san?”

“Why are you assuming I did something to her?” “Because most of the time you get this panicky is because you messed up with her.”

“ Not true...well, at least not this time! No, this is worse…” Taichi said, putting down Hikari’s laptop on the table “I broke Hikari’s laptop.”

“Again?”

“What do you mean “again”? I’ve never broken her laptop!”

“Well there was that time when we were on middle school….”

“Ah! That doesn’t count...How was I supposed to know that book would fall over there?” Taichi said, shaking his head “No, for real...I don’t know what’s wrong with it and she’s gonna kill me if she finds out. Hell, I think not even Takeru might be able to save me this time…”

“Fine, I’ll take a look. “ Koushiro sighed “What exactly happened?”

Koushiro tried turning on the laptop, but just like Taichi, the device turned on, showed a blue screen and then went off again.  Sighing, Koushiro opened his cabinet and took out a small tool kit and began working on the laptop. “It’s a long story…” Taichi said, walking around the the room like a restless lion “ The summary is, I wrote  my reports deadline wrongly, so it turns out I had to hand it in today by noon, and my computer is on the store for maintenance, so I had no computer and had to use Hikari’s to finish, but hell when I had like 15 min for the deadline, I couldn’t get wifi signal to send it, so I had to look around the apartment to see where I had enough signal to send it and happens that the balcony gets full service, anyway...I tripped and the laptop fell.”

“From the balcony?”

“Hell, no! If so there would be no laptop. I fell to the ground.” “RIght….” “It’s all the router’s fault. The signal is so bad.”

“Did you even consider using your phone’s hotspot? Or perhaps that Lan collection instead of walking around the apartment?”

“The what?”

“Never mind…” Koushiro sighed “I think I might have an idea of what’s wrong, but it is going to take me awhile. What time does Hikari come home?”

“In about two hours…” Taichi said, looking at the clock “but no problem. I have a plan.”

“YOu do?”

“Yeah!” Taichi said, taking out his phone “I’m texting Takeru. I’ll lift his curfew for this time, so he can distract Hikari and get her home later....”

“You do know, Takeru is a poor liar and Hikari is actually pretty sharp. She will suspect something is up…”

“She’s with Takeru. He can kiss her or something and she’ll forget about it.”

“I thought you weren’t pleased with your sister getting kissed by any boys, Takeru included.”

“Priorities Koushiro. I hate the idea, I truly do...but sacrifices are required for my survival.” “You’re overreacting…” Koushiro laughed “I doubt Hikari would kill you.”

“You had no idea how she gets when she’s really angry.” Taichi said, rolling his eyes “So...why exactly were you seeing Mimi’s photos when I came in.”

Koushiro dropped the screwdriver and then let out a painful groan when he accidentally got a little electrocuted with the laptop’s static. 

“I wasn’t!” he replied, blushing “Not ...strictly willingly. Mimi-san borrowed my tablet and when I got it back, I was notified that the memory was full. So I was going through the files to see what she had done to saturate my 1TB memory card.”

“Ahhhh...and what was it?” “Mimi-san seems to enjoy selfies.”

“She took selfies with your tablet?” Taichi smirked “That’s a message, you know?”

“A message?”

“Yup” Taichi nodded “She’s sending you an invitation. Believe, I know about this things.”

“Right, and that would explain your current status with Sora-san…”

“Hey, things with Sora are complicated ok.”

“How complicated could it be. Everyone knows you two are into each other.”

“Pff, of course not.”

“Right, that is why you made all that fuss when she was dating that...what was his name again? Yotaro?”

“Ryutaro...and for the record, the guy was a douche. He wasn't good enough for her.”

“Yeah, well, shouldn’t you do something about it?”

“I did, didn’t I? Sora wasn’t too happy about it though.”

“I didn’t mean that…” Koushiro rolled his eyes and said, “ I meant, ask her out.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. Everyone knows she went out with that guy to make you jealous.”

“No way. Sora would kick my butt if I even brought it up.”

“How do you know? My sources say that you might have a good chance.”

“Your sources, huh?” Taichi smirked “Is Mimi telling you all the gossip now?”

“That’s...out of the subject.”

“Riiight. Returning the question, then. When are you  going to do something about it?”

“What do you mean?”

“You two have been sending smoke signs to each other since highschool. Aren’t you going to do something about it?”

“Smoke signs?”

“Yeah, you are even more obvious than Takeru and Hikari, and those two beat you at it.”

“That’s different. Mimi-san and I are just friends.”

“Aha...that’s what Takeru said, you know?”

Koushiro gave Taichi an irritated glare, but the older kid smirked. 

“Taichi-san...if you keep distracting me, I won’t be able to fix this.”

“Ok, ok...sorry.” Taichi answered, raising his hand in a peaceful gesture “so...what’s wrong with it?”

“Good news, it isn’t unfixable. “Koushiro replied “the fal messed up with some of the RAM memory components, so I’ll  just have to check it and put it back together.”

“What’s the bad news?”

“I’m not sure if I might have the spare pieces here.”

“Well, I guess it could be worse.”

“Yeah, well….” Koushiro sighed “next time, do me a favor, Taichi.”

“What?”

“Don’t drop the computer.”

“Of course I won’t. I might be stupid, but not an idiot….”

“Sometimes you make me wonder….”

“It was an accident!”

“Yeah, I’m sure it was.” Koushiro laughed “You’re lucky I can fix it.” “Yeah, I’m lucky to have you as a friend. I am so grateful that I could kiss you.”

“I’ll rather not.”

“Right...How about I ask Mimi to do it instead?”

“Taichi-san…”

Taichi smirked. He was lucky to have friends like Koushiro, there was no doubt about that. 

============================================================

I don’t ship them (Unless I you count BROTP’s as shipping) but I am pretty sure this is how Taichi was feeling at the time Lol

Try and Try

I wrote this short story-type thing as a way of ushering my twentieth birthday in quarantine, since I have none but the company of words by my side as I reach this new milestone. But, as always, it managed to Margot Roth Spiegelman its way in my drafts (please get this reference) and I’ve only had the nerve to finish it, if not uninspringly, today. I hope you’re a little bit more gentle with this, as it’s not really a big post; it’s just to celebrate my own day. Thanks and have fun reading!

“I like your boots.”

I looked at him no longer than a second before looking down at my own feet, at the pair of black leather boots I was wearing. I didn’t know if there was something to them that made him like them, since they weren’t particularly new, with their peeling tips, worn-out soles and lackluster surfaces due to months of not bothering to shine them, nor whether or not he was bluffing, since I wasn’t so sure if seven year-olds already had motives to bluff, but the gleam in his eyes as he was staring at them like they were the fanciest thing he’d seen in a catalog was enough to prove me significantly wrong, and it made me smile.

“Thanks,” I replied, looking at him again. “I like yours, too.”

He turned his wide-eyed gaze at the pair of brown, faux-suede boots at his own two feet, which had alternating black and yellow shoelaces too perfectly tied – Mom could have very well tied them for his own sake – and decorated with small tiger patches sewn at the back. He made the same smile, only goofier, and looked at me, his eyes twinkling.

“Thanks!” And I could not bring myself not to smile back.

He was sitting beside me as the sun was setting at the playground we were in, warming the bright pastel hues of the play area to a saturated orange, muting them to a perfect tinge of monochrome, making me look around in awe and open my eyes wider than they actually went, but I figured, at that moment, there was nothing more of a spectacle than the small boy beside me, just a few inches away. He was barely past my stomach, wearing a plaid button down neatly tucked in his bright blue denim jeans, with his boots, and a Power Ranger watch slapped against his tiny left wrist. He looked so much better than me, I figured, with my plain white shirt and not-so-skinny jeans (which were what I liked to think my staple for a day at the university) looking like I had all the color in me sucked out, leaving myself gray and defeated.

I heard an “Are you okay?” before I turned to him and nodded again, even though I was entirely unsure of that answer, this time taking the time to look at him properly for the first time since we saw each other.

His smile had melted, replaced with a look I couldn’t easily read, prompting me to look back at him, and it felt so much like what it actually was: a mirror through time, like I was looking back into the reflection I forgot I had thirteen years ago. I saw him clearly for the first time: he had the same scruffy eyebrows that pointed at the end, and the same thick, dark hair, sticking out in different directions, with a bit in the center stuck together (which, I knew, was an adorable attempt at a fake Mohawk with gel bought from the corner store), had the same dark, chocolate skin and the same dark eyes that shimmered brown in the sunlight, but brooded dark and black as he closed them to blink. The expression on his face was almost neutral, as opposed to the wide smile he had merely moments ago, like he didn’t know what to feel about this strange adult in front of him, but it was almost curious, as if he wanted to know why he was there – and I knew for sure that he was curious, because I was him, thirteen years ago.

We sat there, in complete silence, as he turned away to look at down at his boots once more, swinging his feet back and forth, nothing but the whispering gentle breeze brushing through the tips of our hair, just staring at each other, not knowing what to say. I never was one to start a conversation with anyone, but to start a conversation with my seven year old self is something I never imagined I would even be doing, and I sure as hell did not know how to deal with that.

But given the circumstances I never knew would bring me here, I wouldn’t know if I’ll ever get to a chance to meet him again, or see him again. This wasn’t just something that happens to a person at some point in their lives – if anything, this may be the only chance I could get to spend time with him, and the only way time I had to utter a word to him that will last in this lifetime. I knew in myself – my current self – that I had to make this count.

“So,” I said, dragging it in probably the most hushed voice I didn’t know I had, in an attempt to pierce the deafening silence, “how’s everything at home?”

He turned to me doe-eyed before answering, “Home’s okay.” His voice lingered in my head like a mirage, the silent tapping of the tips of his feet on the pavement making up for the distinct hush of our surroundings. “Home is still...home.” 

“Home is home,” I agreed, nodding along. “It’s the best place in the world, isn’t it?” He nodded again, this time in a more rapid pace, making me smile again as I stifled a small, genuine laugh.

I blinked and noticed how I never cut my gaze from him, seemingly fixated on the way he sat and swung his legs endlessly, the tips of his boots brushing against the pavement. “How about Mama? How is she doing? And Papa?” He looked at me doe-eyed, his attention seemingly caught, as he locked his eyes in mine. "They're still picking you up from school, right?"

"Mama picks me up from school," he replied. "She always comes late after we finish, but it's okay, I have time to play."

“You guys still take the commute home?”

He nodded again. “Papa needs the motorcycle so we can’t ride in it. He comes home at night.” He kept staring at his two feet, as if he were willing them to sway with his mind. “He comes home much later than we do.” And I vividly remember it, because it was a sound I had become accustomed to, I sound I grew to learn and be familiar with: the gates opening, the motorcycle engine dying, the sound of keys jingling and the door closing from behind.

“Is he doing okay?”

“He’s always tired, he just scratches my head when he gets home and tells me good night,” he replied. “But Papa is okay.”

I don’t know how my parents did it – both working regular eight hour days, my mom being a full-time caretaker for two children just beginning to grasp the concept of school, my dad taking classes immediately as he leaves his job in the morning in order to pursue a law degree, coming home just as tired as the moon was. But somehow, they did it, and they did a magnificent job at it, and I couldn’t help but remember what must have gone through my mind at that time, because it was probably all there was to it: Mama and Papa are very busy. And they’re tired, so they need to rest.

“How about Lolo? And Lola? ” I felt my voice tremble at the question I barely had the strength to speak out; it felt like it’d been a while since I’ve said those words, and it felt so distant, so alienated, even though they had once been so familiar, that I never thought I would have brought myself to say it again. “They’re doing good too?”

And I saw the same unprecedented shimmer in his eyes, the way a child usually does when they are prompted to talk about something that they love. And for moment, I envied him; I’ve never felt like that for so long. “They’re doing okay, too.” He started nodding to himself again, probably because he knew for a fact that they were. I did too, even though I also knew how much had changed. 

“What have they been up to?”

“Lolo’s still walking a lot, he wakes up when it’s still dark and walk and walk until the sun comes up.” The image became so strikingly clear in my mind – a built 60 year-old in a red sweatshirt and blue sweatpants, walking in strong strides in the cold morning breeze, cane in one hand and a a clenched fist in the other. “He always brings us bread to eat for breakfast when we wake up.” So he did, until the day he couldn’t bring himself to walk anymore.

“And Lola still comes over a lot. But she likes to talk to the neighbors and water her plants.” That’s right – the barren, moss-green walls of the terrace used to be filled with striking purples and pinks, orchids hanging from above and tons of hibiscus blooming from below. My Lola saw life like she saw her flowers: ethereal, majestic, and worth the work. But they stopped blooming the moment her heart stopped beating.

“Does she still borrow your books?” I asked, in an attempt to mask the sadness in my expression, although ultimately proclaiming it through my voice. “And make you meryenda every single afternoon?”

“Yeah, she always comes to borrow my books so I can’t read much anymore,” he replied. The way he attempted to make it look like he was annoyed but was really happy, I knew, that she would come over to visit, even if it were just for the books, made me smile yet again. “And she always makes me sandwiches. I love her sandwiches.”

I heard another “Are you okay?” before noticing that he was looking at me again with his big doe eyes. I didn’t even realize the tears had already begun falling down the sides of my face, for I was too immersed in the images that had already been playing in my head, all of them feeling like distant memories unlocked unwillingly, but so much more real and concrete because of the little boy in front of me, yet here they were – warm and unstoppable, painful with every blink of the eye like daggers through the heart.

“I’m okay,” I replied, without nodding, wiping my wet cheeks with the palms of my hands, then with the collar of my shirt, looking worse than I ought to have let myself seem. I’ve always been sensitive at the thought of my grandparents coming over to skip in my mind, but I never felt anything more intense than what I was feeling at that moment. I couldn’t fully describe what it was, but I knew what I was feeling; I wanted to be him so badly. I wanted to be a child again, to have nothing else to worry about but the day ending and smiling again when another one begins, to run around freely into the arms of my Lolo and my Lola, kiss them like it was the last time I would ever do so, and keep them closer in my heart and lock them there forever, where they won’t be able to leave me again.

“Are you sure?” He asked, turning his body to me, focused at the small droplets landing on the front of my shirt, forming beads of emotion on the surface. “Did I say something bad?” My head snapped in his direction at those words. Something in me never wanted to hear a child say that out loud. 

A faint “No” was all I could muster, followed by a “I just wish I could stay like you forever. Or, you know, maybe even just for a little while longer.” 

“Why?”

“Dreams are free when you’re still a child,” I said. “It’s so much easier than when you’re an adult like me.”

His face scrunched up as he tilted his head towards his shoulder in a confused expression. “Well, I want to be like you,” he said in a matter-of-fact-ly manner after a split moment of silence, dropping his gaze to his feet once more. I turned to him as he replied, feeling the heavy spheres of teardrops covering my eyelashes as I blinked at him. “I want to grow up.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“I don’t like being a kid,” he said, pouting his lips as he talked. “I don’t really like myself.”

“And why’s that?”

“I’m not like the other kids,” he replied, tilting his head to the side. “I’m short, dark, and they all think I’m weird because I speak like the cartoons on TV.” He grimaced at himself, and I understood why; the neighborhood kids had always found it strange that one could have more knowledge of English than Filipino, and I couldn’t change that completely about myself, even if I wanted to. The voice inside my head was in English.

“I don’t like playing sports, and I don’t like to fight the other kids. And they all get mad at me when I point out that something’s wrong with what we’re playing,” he added, a thin texture of sadness engulfing his voice. “I’m just, different.”

“I see.” And I did; somehow, blending in, being part of a group or adhering to something has always been kind of a struggle for me. In a way, I’ve always known that I was different, that I looked different, and that I liked different things. I was more content with a book in my hands than riding a bike outside and more content with telling stories rather than catching bugs or climbing trees. But what was difficult was accepting that I was the yellow pea in the pod, that fitting in was always going to be an issue for me. And in a way, the feeling never really went away.

“I wish I was like you,” he managed to blurt out as I fixated my gaze on him once more, more surprised at his words than anything else. “You’re smarter, you do more awesome things than me, and you’re stronger than me.” Except I wish I was. “The kids here would love you.” I’m not so sure about that, either.

“What? Really?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “You’re a scientist, studying in a university now, right? You’re studying animals and plants and why the chemicals change color when they are mixed together. You’re making great discoveries everyday!” He didn’t even pause to look at the confused expression on my face. “And you’re a writer! You write stories and people around the world have read them, right? Books with tons of words and magic like Harry Potter and the Hardy Boys?”

A few more words shot out of his mouth before I could even open my lips to respond, “And you’re doing work to help the people around you! You’re helping the farmers and making big decisions that will help the kids at the schools who need books, just like Mama tells me.” He looked at me again with his big, doe eyes in small crescents, smiling. “You’re a hero. They’d love you.”

It never really dawned to me that tomorrow was such a big thing for me; I have so many things I want to achieve, so many things I want to come my way that I’ve built up the highest expectations for myself because I saw no other option but to see myself cross those goals out. That’s why I always felt like my time was running out – I have so many things in my life that I want to pursue that sitting down is such a luxury in my head.

“I’m not so sure about that,” I replied, without a single bit of hesitation in my voice. No point in lying to myself, I figured.

“Why do you say that?”

“I’m not really any of those things just yet,” I confessed, trying to usher in a smile to make it look like I wasn’t any more sad than I actually was. “I’m just a regular university student.” I wasn't a brilliant student-scientist, I was dragging myself in between classes bullying myself over topics I have yet to study. I wasn't a well-known writer, I was a hobby artist forcing myself to write despite the lack of inspiration. And I couldn’t stand up for my people – I could barely stand up for myself. “I try so hard, but I’m not any of those things. I’m not a hero.”

And we sat there in still silence, letting the slight breeze whip across us gently once again. I had so many things running through my mind that I couldn’t bring myself to look at him even if I wanted to, because it would only kill me to see the disappointed look on his small face the moment I did. I wasn’t anywhere near anything I wanted myself to be when I was young, nowhere near grasping any of the achievements I used to dream I would have at this point in my life. I wasn’t doing great things like I told myself I would. And it wasn’t because I was too short of chances to do those great things, either, because I’ve spent so much time looking for myself, figuring things out even if they didn’t need figuring out, and neglecting what I thought was best, that I didn’t have much attention for the things that truly mattered in the end. I’ve wasted so much time being someone I wasn’t, and I wasn’t proving myself any more capable of doing all those things either, because in all honesty, I wasn’t all that great. I was just regular, old me, and I was too afraid of what he’d think of me now.

I felt him shift across the bench to just a few inches beside me, too shy to look at me directly but sensitive enough, I felt, to want to make sure that I still felt him around me. “That’s okay,” he managed, swinging his legs again, this time looking at the playground in front of us. 

“It is?” I croaked, looking at him in dumb disbelief. 

He nodded. “Sometimes, we don’t really get the best of what we want. You know, like you don’t get to ride the nicer swings most of the time or play with the toys you want since the bigger kids always get them first. And sometimes, you’re too afraid to climb up the slide and go down because you’ll fall on your knees, and your knees will hurt.” He looked up at me, and looked at my eyes for the first time since he first spoke. “But that is not important, because the hurting will stop. What matters is you try your best to get there, no matter how many times you scrape your knees.”

I smiled genuinely, the mixed feeling of relief, happiness, and content washing over me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t expect him to say something else, or ignore me completely. “I guess so.”

“You’re still studying to become a great scientist, right?” I nodded. “And you’re still writing stories and saving them for everyone to read?” I nodded again. “And you’re still working to help others?” I nodded once more, and he smiled at me. “Then you are a hero. Heroes try and try until they succeed. And if they fall on their butts, they keep fighting, don’t they?”

I smiled at him. I didn’t ever think that I’d be proud of myself for lacking so much, but then again, it turns out someone was proud of me. I couldn’t help but chuckle at him as I ruffled his hair and put an arm around his shoulders. “You know, the thing about us is we weren’t made to be heroes. We’re not built like them, and we don’t want to act like them.” He nodded at me, agreeing completely. “But we try and try until we get what we want, because we don’t like seeing our dreams remain dreams.” I looked at the playground, with the burning hues intensified by the sun, and smiled at the sight. “And that’s probably more than what the Spidey Senses can offer.”

He smiled as he swung his legs again, wrapping an arm around my waist, shifting even closer than he had a few moments ago.”

“Heroes don’t tell themselves they’re heroes, because we don’t do what truly matters because we want to be recognized by them. We do things that matter because they matter, regardless of how great it will make us.” I looked down at him as he looked up to me, both of us smiling until the end of our ears. “And that makes us even greater than we could ever imagine, won’t it?”

“It sure will!” he replied enthusiastically, making me laugh as another single tear dripped down the side of my cheek. I’ve never felt any happier than with any other living human being in this planet; I didn’t want this to end any time soon.

“Tell you what,” I said, releasing him from our semi-embrace, looking at him with a soft gaze, “You keep reading, and writing, and doing the things that make you happy. Do them all and don’t think of what others will look at you or even laugh at you for. I keep trying if you keep trying. No stopping, and no giving up. Crying is allowed, but we keep strong after that.” I smiled. “What do you say?”

He smiled again at me, and this time, I knew he was even more happy than he was before. “Deal.”

He took my hand and shook it vigorously, which felt like nothing more than a jiggly wave in my arm as he turned towards the playground, before looking at me with that same mischievous smile.

“Race you to the slide?”

“I’m going to win.”

“Try and catch up, old man.”

Relationship headcanons to X Drake, Killer and Smoker?

yessssss I love this! X Drake has already been done here so I have Killer and Smoker for you today! I honestly had way too many ideas for the both of them but I limited them to 20 like I did with Drake bc I like making HCs even in number for everybody ok lol Hope you enjoy, anon

Relationship HCs: Killer, Smoker 

Killer

(i can’t wait for more Killer gifs, not the sad Wano ones tho rip)

- first thing’s first, getting along with Kid is a must for his partner; not only is that his captain, but he’s also Killer’s best friend and he’d much prefer it if his lover and his best friend could get along

- if they simply can’t get along, he’ll ask them to tolerate each other for his sake, and it usually works out ok; though honestly? i don’t think Killer would go for someone his captain hated, because despite Kid being a Grade A dick head sometimes, Killer trusts his captain’s instincts

- Kid also wouldn’t hate Killer’s s/o for no reason at all, though he definitely gets jealous that he doesn’t see Killer as much anymore…….

- in general, he needs a partner who can put up with his crew’s antics, they’re all a bit wild, but they’re family; Killer loves his captain and crew deeply, so he expects his partner to feel the same way

- Killer is very good at reading the room, therefore he can usually pick up on his partner’s emotions easily and he’ll subtly adjust to improve their mood if necessary, but he won’t be overt about it as he doesn’t like having unnecessary attention on them

- it can be as simple as a whispered “hey, i love you” or passing touches or a hand squeeze, anything to let his partner know that they are loved and that everything will be ok!; sometimes these little gestures help to improve his own mood

- he’s really great at talking through emotions with his partner, so they rarely have heated arguments; the only confrontation he enjoys is on the battlefield, so don’t expect him to tolerate yelling and/or throwing things during domestic arguments (he deals with that enough)

- he’s actually one of, if not the best on the ship to get advice from, he’s a bit of a realist, so he can be brutally honest sometimes, but if that’s what his partner needs to hear then he refuses to hold back; if he’s not completely honest with them he feels as if he’s doing them a disservice + breaking the trust they have formed

- a very loyal partner, once he forms a bond with you, he will do whatever it takes to maintain it and he would never ever dare break your trust for him; he takes bonds/relationships seriously, so he takes it a bit personal if you break his trust, as once he trusts you, you shouldn’t take that lightly

- Killer is a bit unfamiliar with romance, he’s had crushes and flings before sure, but love? it’s a strange concept for him; he loves Kid and his crew, but loving someone like that? he has no fucking clue how to go about it initially

- nevertheless, he actually adjusts pretty easily to a relationship as when he finds the right partner, he realizes he wants to do everything possible to keep them happy and safe, so the whole loving them unconditionally part now suddenly makes sense to him?

- he’s still a bit of an awkard turtle during the beginning of the relationship though; PDA? not a chance, that brings way too much teasing attention to him and he does not enjoy that, so if his partner is touchy, they need to be more subtle about it when in front of others

- he can tolerate a little hand hold holding or them sitting in his lap (his favorite) every now and then, but he doesn’t want them latched around his waist at all times

- regardless if his s/o can protect themselves or not, Killer is always always in protection mode, it’s just in his nature to protect his loved ones; it can be during battle or even from snide comments from Kid, there’s no way in hell anyone is going to harm his lover and get away with it

- he often scolds them for putting themselves in dangerous situations, much like a father really, but he always apologizes about it later, simply admitting that losing them is one of his biggest fears so he just wishes them to be more careful

- he won’t immediately inform his partner on the reason for his mask as that takes almost all of his trust to do that, so he doesn’t appreciate his partner constantly bugging him about it; I feel as if he would reveal his face after many months or possibly years into the relationship or his s/o would happen to see his face on accident

- he enjoys a lively partner, but they must understand that he doesn’t like to laugh himself, even if they don’t know the reason yet, he still expects them to understand and be patient with him; though, I can see him developing a low (probs a lil creepy) chuckle in response to things he can’t hold back from because he genuinely finds his partner silly and adorable

- kissing obviously doesn’t really happen for a long time, not until he takes off his mask, but he blushes every single time his partner plants a kiss on it; these are times when he is super grateful for the mask as no one can tease him for his reddened face, though the flush along his neck kinda gives it away at times

- though he finds it a bit embarrassing, he thoroughly enjoys it when his partner plays with his hair; the feeling of their fingers running through it really relaxes him, he’ll typically ask them to do this after a really stressful day

- he’s actually really sweet with compliments! whether his s/o looks nice or they performed a task well, he’s gonna let them know how beautiful/amazing he thinks they are! it’s easy for him to admit these feelings because, again, he can hide his cheesy grin and flustered face behind that mask of his 

Smoker

- another stoic man, Smoker doesn’t do silly, so a partner who has a goofier personality doesn’t flow very well with his own; he needs someone serious and driven, like him

- Smoker’s career is a bit stressful, so having a peaceful lover to come home to is all he could ever ask for; simple small talk like “how was work?” or back rubs or dinner waiting for him on the table may seem mundane to others, but it’s simply the life for him

- on the flip side, I think he also enjoys a more sarcastic/teasing partner, someone to rile him up a bit day to day to keep things interesting; he doesn’t want boring, just someone mature with a hint of a playful side

- I can see him as the marriage type when the time is right; he definitely wants to settle down and have a family of his own one day

- falling for someone takes a lot out of Smoker, lots of sacrificing and willingness to commit, one needs to break down his walls in order for him to trust them and that is no easy feat

- so of course when Smoker trusts them, he really trusts them and he would do anything for them; this goes for any partner willing to be patient enough to earn his trust, once earned, he will never make them regret it

- has no fucking clue how to go about romance; he’ll try to get advice from Tashigi or Hina, but he never follows through as their advice is always “too embarrassing”  

- though he always tries to deny it, Smoker really loves a touchy partner; their soft hands on his own, their fingers tracing his skin, their arms wrapped around him, their lips on his body, it’s all just so comforting, helping to relax his entire being every time to the point he practically craves it

- he usually gets touch-starved during the day as he can’t accept affection while at work of course; so he comes home and practically demands his partner love every inch of his body to make up for it

- it really frustrates him, because there’s days (mostly paperwork days) when all he wants is to wrap them up in his arms, but he just can’t do that, so he’s ultimately distracted from work; he’ll take this opportunity to page them into his office for a quick cuddle session to put him back in the right mindset

- however, if his s/o ever tried to bother him during work without permission he would get a little frustrated; not that he’s upset to see them but god, do they not realize how much of a distraction their cute little face is? so he’ll usually ask them not to bother him during work, maybe sounding a bit harsh about it, but it’s really because he can’t focus when they’re around as when they are around, he can only focus on them!

- with affection in public, he makes do with sneaky gestures like passing touches, bumping shoulders, or even lil booty taps; other than that, he asks his partner to respect his wishes on no PDA as that could severely ruin his reputation (mostly it makes him all flustered)

- treats his s/o like a teammate rather than a best friend or strictly a lover; he sees relationships as very team-oriented as you are on the same side and you always have each other’s backs, tackling day-to-day tasks and conquering whatever you need to together

- now, he can be a bit obstinate, so annoying arguments can ensue every now and then as he just doesn’t budge on his opinions sometimes, but he’s also obstinate in his love for his partner so…it’s not all bad?

- he cares a lot about his partner’s health so I can see him having a bit of a coach-like personality around them sometimes, but he only means well; if his partner doesn’t like this, he’s willing to adjust

- Smoker can be very uplifting as he gets proud of his partner a lot; these are the times when he tells them with words how incredible he thinks they are; sometimes he gets so overwhelmed by how proud he is that he finds himself bragging to others about them

- other than that, Smoker is a bit awkward with loving words; he wants to tell them he thinks they’re beautiful/handsome or that they mean the world to him, but he doesn’t like the way it makes his stomach twist and turn or the way his body rises to dangerous temperatures every time he tries to utter these endearments, so he settles with private physical affection to express his adoration for his s/o

- he gets real blushy with an s/o who praises or dotes on him; he appreciates the love and awkwardly accepts it, but it just feels wrong, he’s the one who is supposed to spoil them!

- though he’s a burly man, he’s surprisingly a very gentle lover, expressing his love through soft kisses and gentle caresses; he doesn’t realize how romantic he can be when expressing physical affection

- very protective with a bit of a jealous side that he doesn’t really try to hide!

//oh wait, I forgot to ask your thoughts about the GBA games, his appearance in Skylanders and also that lost forgotten cartoon intro that failed to meet the light of day...//

{{Sorry this is a little late but I’ll give my answer on this too! c:}}

Crash Tag Team Racing

So I’ll start here cause I forgot it in the last one, but this one I thought it was an okay game with some funny moments in the open hub world and crazy stuff, like the Die-O-Ramas or gags.

Although as far as the Crash racing games go, I think this was one of the weaker ones in the actual race sections in my opinion I feel like CTR was still the best kart racer of the 3 main ones.

Cancelled Crash Bandicoot Cartoon

Now I’ve seen this supposed intro to an old 2D cartoon that never released, and it did look promising like a show that would have come out in that time. I’m sure had it released it would have been fairly good. c:

But I don’t know if you’ve heard but there are rumors that a Crash show will be coming soon, again just rumors but if it happens I hope for the best. :3

GBA Crash Games.

Can’t comment much on these since I never played most of them for myself, except seeing parts of N. Tranced which I think that N. Trance as a character is a really interesting one that would be cool to see more of. However there is one GBA game of Crash’s I did have.

Crash Bandicoot Purple: Ripto’s Rampage

So I thought this game was decent enough, although even comparing it to other GBA Crash games it was minigames galore and the crossover I’ve thought to this day could have been way better had it been on consoles.

Spyro Orange: The Cortex Conspiracy

Might as well mention this since Crash still has a major role here. Between the two halves of the crossover I think this was the weaker one, I love Spyro perhaps even more than Crash but this didn’t feel much like a Spyro game let alone a Crash one.

I mean again, minigames galore. I had another GBA Spyro game that was more like his games “Attack of the Rhynocs” but this was just endless minigames sadly.

Skylanders Imaginators

Now this was Crash’s first real reintroduction into the world since he’d been completely missing from gaming for over ten years before the N. Sane Trilogy. I’ve manage to check out his section of the game, and I found it fairly decent and interesting that Fake Crash of all people was the actual antagonist of that part. XD

Skylanders Academy

Not a game but I thought I’d give my opinion since he’s here too. Sure he’s not the main character and he only has a guest appearance in 3 different episodes of the show but I liked his presence.

He seemed to be a bit controversial because this is the one time (besides that one Crash 2 commercial) where he’s actually had a speaking voice, and not the high pitched kind that VA Jess Harnell has given him over the years, but a deeper voice with an Australian accent.

Now many people had issue with that, and while I do prefer the sillier side and higher tone of voice I didn’t mind this, I noticed after his first appearance they made him goofier since it was lacking at first and this version of him cause of things like this makes him one of the more unique versions of him I think, cause he speaks and is different from others.

Though the version of Crash from the games is still my favorite I’d say.

you mentioned possibly doing a ben or mike writing guide.. would you.. be willing to post a mike one. i'm plotting a fic and im struggling to get my mans down?? also i think abt ur fics weekly bare minimum.

hi there!!! i did my best. i tried to not sound preachy or like a know it all bc y’all know i can barely write. i hope this is helpful in some way!! disclaimer of of course this is all just my opinion & there’s no wrong way to write, you’re the only person who can tell your story!!

[[MORE]]

i think the first really important decision you have to make as Person Writing Mike is his

family & background

-are both of his parents alive?

-if yes, what’s their relationship like?

-if no, who’s his primary caretaker? what’s their relationship like?

-if no, when did they die? did he cope well with it? what’s his relationship with their memory like?

these are really really where you gotta start to write mike imo. or any character! i think one thing stephen king is to be admired for is he doesn’t neglect the parent-child relationship as so many people who write youth do. your parents are the most important people in your life for a long time. i don’t think there’s a wrong or ooc way to answer the above questions tbh. canon has really left a wide open field for you to run amuck in.

(example: i’ve mentioned in the past that my & tfat mike being a small adult is no mistake and intentional. it’s a bit of a throwaway scene, but i mention in on pointe that mike’s parents are coming. it’s intentionally done there too. mike is goofier, more outgoing, more immature in general in that fic in the small bits he’s in & that’s all a response to his familial life. )

culture + friendships

after you answer those questions, important follow up questions are:

-are the losers his first set of friends?

-how much social exposure has he had?

-has he dated? who is he attracted to?

-who influences him? (celebrities, family, culturally)

-what are his cultural interests? what does he do in his free time? how would that impact how he interacts with the rest of the world?

again, no wrong way to answer these. i’ve seen a super broad spectrum of indirect answers to these questions. even thinking about where he might pick up patterns of speech can make him feel much more like a realized character. i’ve noticed some people dip fully into aave to an extent that doesn’t even seem logical in their character’s current situation & it can really seem like a caricature, but i think to write mike without any sense of aave at all is a little ?? too. just be cognizant of it is my only real advice here. it doesn’t so much matter as long as you don’t forget who mike is which next point

humor & personality

-what do you think he would find (shows, comedians, youtube videos) really funny?

-does he have something he quotes often? something he started saying ironically but never stopped?

man i know i’m all there’s no wrong way to write mike !! in this post but i will say real quick that i think mike is funny and i don’t really respect depictions of him where he’s not. i think this is where the movies really just fucked up. book mike drops some of the funniest lines of the book. and honest to god tip is to write out a scene as you feel the urge too, look away for five minutes, look back and give half of richie’s lines away. (or... dialogue.) this sounds like a joke but it was what i did when i first started writing & tfat

i’d always be like “n the funny part goes... to richie.” and thats a fandom inclination too. nooooo. avoid this trap. it doesn’t even make sense. have u ever been in a friend group where only one person... makes jokes? that’d be genuinely so weird. especially bc if you give the joke away to someone else, you can also build on it. amazing things start happening when u start thinking of the characters in flexible patterns. like for example, i almost always give absurdist humor to stan now. wholesome to ben.

mike’s humor is largely situational to me. solid comedic timing & he’s an observant person. sometimes i read back my own writing & have to change the pov bc richies making jokes about things he would never ever notice to make fun of. mike would. mike genuinely sees all. i think he’s just got one of the most analytical brain of the losers. & i think intelligence is subjective and people are smart in different ways but i think it’s foolish to write him as anything other than incredibly intelligent both academically and emotionally. he’s just a natural observer and pattern notice-er. which brings me to my next mike thing:

love & selflessness

i think the biggest part of mike being harder to flesh into a fully realized person is the fandom tendency to make him kind and nothing else. here’s mike. he’s nice. next. bc the book kind of points out his selflessness in his decisions and it makes itself one of his strongest character traits.

especially bc nice seems to trump him having any other emotions. ...no?

i believe in general, but ESPECIALLY in the case of mike, that kindness is a choice. it’s one i genuinely believe he’d make, over & over again. but a choice he makes. he gets annoyed with his friends being annoying like anyone else would. he gets hurt when he feels left out. he feels tired & anxious & hungry and all those other human things. sometimes he might not let it show outwardly, but there’s a difference between that and not giving him feelings at all.

people are selfish. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s to protect us. it’s not a bad thing. we think of how the world impacts ourselves first. we don’t always act upon those thoughts or voice them, but don’t forget to let mike have them. he doesn’t need to be happy for his friends all the time, or rooting for them or supportive. he should have his own things going on.

also. mike’s not a doormat. yes, he stays in derry. but those were life-death consequences for generations of children. it’s really not comparable to almost any decision mike would make in a pennywise free universe. yes, he made a sacrifice in the book but i don’t think he’d just lay himself down in any given universe to whatever fate wants to hand him. but this is where i end this topic bc i’m actually only barely beginning to get to this topic in my own fic!

it’s hard writing the losers young sometimes bc i do feel relationships are naturally a little unbalanced based on basic maturity levels as young people. sometimes friendships just are unbalanced bc of who people are at that time. everyone involved can still be good people in these relationships. it’s about growing together and learning how to be good friends to each other.

for example, in &tfat: certain losers are always checking in with others. others are really wrapped up in their own shit and don’t really notice what bothers the others. it would probably take a chart the size of a textbook to explain how i think this dynamic wholly pans out in full. and yeah, i think it grates on mike a little bit that he is always the checker and never the checkee.

but even when mike snaps, even when he gets upset, i always write it coming out of him with a lot of love. i genuinely think mike, regardless of experience in that fic, has the deepest understanding of love as its own concept and an understand of how exactly it rules his life and and his relationships. mike knows to feel strongly about something he has to care about it. there are lots of things he just doesn’t care about. in the book it’s stated he’s difficult to connect with as an adult. he’s distant. he’s focused on what he wants to focus on. i think mike is actually the most interesting when he becomes a little bit of a disaster man with very little time for what doesn’t interest him.

which last thing, dislikes & disinterests

-what annoys him?

-what makes him genuinely angry?

-what bores him to tears?

i always make jokes that i bring up the nastier parts of the losers bc i love nasty boys but thinking of things people don’t like is as much a part of them as the things they do.

for example, in &tfat, i write richie as making fun of “nerdy” things like anything you could find at comic con. i write bev as not giving a fuck about sports. bill doesn’t care about richie’s music tastes. eddie hates getting condescended to.

bc of the ... kind thing, mike’s one of the harder losers to do this with. i genuinely think mike would listen to any of his friends tell him about anything. & he knows, in return, they can’t say shit when he wants to ramble about history. but dislikes can also be super situational.

again, for example in & tfat: mike doesn’t like when his friends talk about college right now. no one is really being sensitive to him at all. he hates getting blamed for stuff that isn’t his fault, mostly bc it keeps happening.

anyway. i based a lot of my mike (mostly sense of humor and personality) off of a mix of real life friends of mine. it’s a luxury. i know. i’ve been blessed to have friends from literally all walks of life & for me borrowing little habits & quirks & sayings & jokes to slip into my fics and characters is my way of writing one massive love letter to those ive known. i hope i’ve helped you in some way anon. n if not.... don’t be sad i’m hardly one to take writing advice from anyway jandjxjx

overall, as i used to do often, i’d genuinely stop myself and say: is this a person, or a convenience for the plot? and if it was the latter, sigh, and get my backspace key ready.

Anima #1

Oh, the sweet memories of actuallying anybody in range of me buying this comic book as I discussed Jung's concept of the anima.

At first glance, you might think I, a 22 year old male, purchased this comic book for the titties. But I totally purchased this comic book because I wanted to fuck Carl Jung. I'd like to say it's a coin toss as to which guy is more annoying (the sexist or the Jung enthusiast) but I absolutely fucking know. It's not like I was one of those philosophy turds that has to turn every discussion into an ever aggressive series of the question "But how do you know?!" I was just into literary theory and psychoanalysis was a huge part of that entire scene. Another huge part of my life at the time was my friend Soy Rakelson and I walking out of our Critical Literary Theory class after learning a new and conflicting theory while Soy's head turned red and he exploded, "Why doesn't he just teach us which theory is correct!" Also, I mean, her tits are pretty nice. Anima was one of those characters that came out of Bloodlines. I'm always pointing out how Hitman was the only one that every took off and made any money. I can say that because most of what I write is hyperbolic and factually inaccurate. I think there were a couple of others that took off a little bit. But none the way Hitman did! Maybe all of the other Bloodlines heroes should have been more interesting while refusing to use their powers. Not that Hitman completely abstained from using his powers. Occasionally he had to look at Wonder Woman's boobs through her top. I don't remember what Anima's powers were but it always struck me as odd (remember me being that actually nerd) that Anima wasn't a male hero. I suppose the trick was how she was in contact with her animus. Maybe she was the manifestation of the Animus personality inside her subconscious? So the real character was Animus and she was just a projection? Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself! It will all probably be explained in this series! Although if it isn't explained in Issue #1, I'm never going to learn it. The issue begins with Anima sleeping on the streets of Gotham City on Christmas Eve. Her name is Courtney Mason and, for some reason (probably something to do with her meta(l)gene being activated by the Bloodlines crossover), she's been separated from her hippie family. Her brother and father are celebrating Christmas and crying because they miss her. Anima's mother is being experimented on at a dream clinic.

I don't know why her suit had to have breasts built into it nor do I know why there is a tube sticking into the left cup. Do boobs dream?

Courntey's dad is sad and wants to get the feds involved in searching for her. Hopefully that ends the "What is the situation with Courtney and her family?" part of the comic book so we can learn all about Anima and her powers and what her favorite track on L7's "Bricks are Heavy" album. It's a good bet that "Pretend We're Dead" is her favorite but it's got some competition with "Shitlist," "Monster," and "Mister Integrity." Although it's not my favorite song, "Scrap" has the great line about a skinhead huffer who has a brief foray into Christianity before returning to huffing: "He dug Metallic Gold more than Luke and John." Doesn't all philosophy come down to just that? Simply put: what do I dig more?!

At the risk of becoming a total mansplainer, I'm pretty sure that the flannel shirt you have wrapped around your waist could act as a lightweight coat!

Anima heads to a Xmas Rave in the hopes of getting something to eat. That's usually at the bottom of my list of things I hope to find at a rave. At the top of the list are acid, mushrooms, MDMA, acid, acid, more acid, mushrooms, water, and instructions on how to untie a flannel at my waist so I can wear it. Outside the rave, she meets "Judy", Alison Hell, Liv, and Slam Shiner. They're probably in a band called "Judy" and the Jerks. Oh wait! Obviously they're "Boojum" because that was the name of the band on the rave flyer. At the rave, an initiate of a gang called The Scorpions tries to rape Anima. But she has super powers so she doesn't get raped. Also, a bunch of people at the rave have Professor Dred Brand Stun Guns. Those are to show that people who don't have super powers can also protect themselves from rapists because Batman can't be everywhere. Also, I don't know if Batman prioritizes saving people from being raped. He is kind of a huge patriarch. Shit. Now I'm wondering what kind of a huge monster Batman would be if his mother and father had been raped in Crime Alley. I'm sure he'd be more like the Punisher in that case if the Punisher decided to dress as a scary bat instead of as a go-go dancer with a skull t-shirt. The Scorpions raid Boojum's squat but Anima summons Animus, her asshole male counterpart, who throws a few of them out of the window. Boojum chant, "One of us! One of us!" and ask her to go on tour with them. She's hesitant because she's so dangerous but what else is she going to do? At least being part of a band on the road gives the series some movement. They'll be like The Lone Ranger if The Lone Ranger were a riot grrrl band. Anima #1 Rating: C. An average grade for what I feel was an average plot for a young teen suddenly turned hero story. Just like every member of the Titans, her parents will wind up being a large part of the conflicts in her life. Her father wants to find her because he misses her but he approaches his employer, Dayton Industries, to help with the job. And we know how terrible those guys can be! Meanwhile her mom's coworker wants to exploit the unconscious connection Anima has with her mother for their dream therapy experiments. I figure that's why I didn't pick up Issue #2, seeing as how I'd already read that plot too many times in the pages of Wolfman's New Titans. Plus she has one of those powers that she can't really control so she's reluctant to use her powers. That means she and her friends are just going to keep getting caught up in dangerous situations where she has to use her powers to save herself and her friends. Again, more of the same Teen Titans' crap I was sick of by 1994. Maybe I'd rather see a young kid who realized she hurt people she loved with her powers and then decided to make amends by using those powers to help others. Too goody two shoes, right? Although with her reluctance to use her powers and her finding a large cast of oddball characters, it does seem she was trying to replicate Hitman's success (which wouldn't have even started for another two years. So maybe Garth Ennis read this and thought, "Hey! Hitman could work with this plot! But a goofier cast of characters and a more cynical reluctance to use his powers because who needs them when you're already the best fucking hitman in the world?!).

Survey #177

“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”

What’s your favorite flavor of ice pop? Strawberry or watermelon. Do you like animal print? What’s your favorite print? Not particularly, but I suppose jaguar. What do you think of foot tattoos? Surprisingly, not a big fan. It's gotta be cute, well-placed, and small. Did your senior class in high school have a class trip? Where did you go? Maybe? I don't remember. What do you normally order at Dunkin Donuts? Chocolate frosted. What do you drink with dinner? It varies. Can be soda, water, milk... Peanuts or sunflower seeds? I don't like either. What is your favorite grocery store to shop at, and how often do you shop for groceries? Sam's Club totally has the best deals, but I don't make the shopping calls here. Who is your favorite character from the last movie you watched? Uhhh the super paranoid lady whose actress is a legend. Where did you have your first kiss? What about your last kiss? His bed; airport. What is the last thing you spoke to your father about? Phone bill. Who do you feel you have the most in common with? Sara. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? Myself. Have you ever apologized to someone, but didn’t mean it? I'm sure at some point. What is the one thing that you can’t resist? Reese's, I sometimes cannooooot tell myself no to a Mtn. Dew Voltage, wanting to pet an animal even if it's dangerous, and uhhh I'm sure there's more. Have you ever done another person's homework for money? No. If you could play any piece of music on an instrument, what would it be? Teach me the ending piece from WKM on the piano so I could ruin myself further than just listening to it already does. Have you ever treated someone like they were nothing? I don't believe so. If you could ask 5 questions and get an exact answer, what would you ask? Oh yikes, deep one. Um... 1.) what is the cure for cancer, 2.) cure for Alzheimer's/dementia, 3.) cure for HIV/AIDS, 4.) how can/is it even possible to obtain world peace, and 5.) will I be stable in the future are what come to mind first. Does it frighten you when animals get into fights? I GET VERY SCARED FOR THE ANIMALS. When you were little did you touch just about everything in the store? YUP YUP YUP. Do you ever leave your drinks out in the open at a party? N/A, but I absolutely would not. Ever suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Yes. Who is someone you’ll always hate? No one I personally know. How many people do you trust 100 percent? Just one. I would include Mom, but I know she lies about Dad. Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? NO, I really think I'd lose it and kill myself. Do you often start books, yet never finish them? I don't read, but I'd do that if I didn't like it. When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? Idr. Does the sight of blood gross you out? No. Have you ever gone through a red light? No. Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? No. What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? Blue. When you are sad, do you cheer yourself up, or look to others? It depends, but I usually begin with the former. During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? 2016 can been damned by God themselves. Have you ever seen a bluejay in person? Yes. Have you ever eaten grass/leaves? Probably as a kid. Do you typically like green-colored candies? Yeah! Apple flavor is the bomb.com. Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? Ryder, my nephew. Who makes you smile the most often? Sara Jane. :') How do you express your happiness? I'm louder, more talkative, goofier. When was the last time you did a good deed? Uhhh idk. It's a tiny thing, but I suppose you could count me getting my old man bub with arthritis up on the bed when he wanted up. What songs make you happy? Lots... Do you like to sing? Sometimes, but I'm not good at it. Where is somewhere that holds fond memories for you? Ummm the little pond behind the community college where we took our first prom photos. That whole day was just extremely magical, and passing it is a severe PTSD trigger so if for whatever reason we're driving past there, Mom goes around it. I did pass it a few months back when I was taking pictures of flowers around the college and I was okay, probably because I didn't even glance at it. What do you think of the gothic stereotype? # A E S T H E T I C Have you ever encountered a black widow? Yup. What scares you, more than anything else? Ending up alone/losing all those I love. Has an animal ever peed on you? Lol yeah...  Pet rodents have multiple times when getting them accustomed to being held, a puppy probably has, and Venus (my snake) did once after I held her for like an hour, aha. Couldn't be mad at that angel, she was obviously so comfy. What would make a cool substitute color for the sun? Pink. Is purple a good color for a car? Sure. Do you prefer green or purple/red grapes? Purple; crisper. What is something you like that is sour? Warheads. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some hot wings at BWW with one of the hottest sauces. When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Idk, I'm sure something with Sara. Who did you last see on webcam? I've no idea. Have you ever discovered something gross in your food at McDonalds? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Ramen? I only like the spicy chicken Yakisoba ones. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Name a really popular television show you never got into: Ha, a lot. Game of Thrones, for one, but I'd be willing to give it a second chance via more episodes and a different attitude and actually kinda want to. Sara, add that to our list. Do you listen to any unsigned bands/singers? Who? No, I don't believe so. I need to start listening to my old friend's band, though, because I really want to support them; they work so hard and are very serious about taking their band somewhere. Nova Mortis if you're interested and like heavy metal. What do you find really interesting? THE PARANORMAL, for one. Genetics, psychology, fossils, abandoned buildings and shacks, natural selection and evolution, outer space, differences in languages and cultures, and so much more. Who is your favorite video game character? Spyro! What kind of pictures do you post on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat most frequently? I like never post pictures, but selfies on FB, then I have two photography Instagrams. Do you remember the first person you felt sexually attracted to? Seriously, Jason. Have you ever been on vacation with a significant other? No. Is there anything on your bucket list that you’re hoping to cross off soon? A lot of things, but. Probably won't be soon as many include travel. Of all of your friends’ significant others, who do you get along with best? And least? Sam's wife Kieley is an absolute doll; least, idk. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? HAHAHAHAHA I REEEEEAAAAALLY DON'T WANT TO PICTURE THAT KNOWING NOW HE DIDN'T/DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME AND CAN'T COMMUNICATE FOR SHIT. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? N/A Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? Girt, hardcore. Eventually did, but we know how that went. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yup: if they've assaulted someone, prostitution is involved, casual flings/one-night stands have happened, being/have been a porn star, cheated before. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? Like, everyone will answer that question with "vet." Have you ever considered “unplugging”/taking a significant period of time away from technology? lol nope I doubt I'd last a day with no technology. Do you use a photo editor? Lightroom, Photoshop, sometimes PhotoScape. Is your dad overweight? Quite the opposite. Ever been honked at? Yeah. Which do you prefer, doctor or dentist? Dentist; I'm never nervous for them. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I haaaate whipped cream. Texture thing. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Two meerkats grooming, done on a huge thing of burlap. What’s your favorite type of sushi? Never tried, never will. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend has had? Scarlett. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster? Yup. I had a long insomnia streak where I physically couldn't sleep without Melatonin. What is your current favorite song? I'm hooked on "The Bottom is a Rock" by Mother Mother rn. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you have a balcony? No. Are you jealous of anyone, even mildly? If so, who? Yeah, my sisters, as well as some real successful friends. Have you ever done a craft you saw in a magazine? No. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Who is a singer that has given you chills? Celine Dion, Loreena McKennitt, Sebastian Bach, David Draiman, and Amy Lee off the top of my head. What act would you perform in a talent show? I wouldn't, I got nothin'. What area are you the most gifted in, do you think? Um... writing, I guess? Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? BALLGOWN BITCH Do you enjoy editing videos? Ye! Do you enjoy editing photos? Yup. Who do you think is the most attractive actor? I see u Jason Momoa. Have you ever been caught doing something REAL embarrassing by your parents? I don't believe so. Do you believe in reincarnation? No. Do you have any of your neighbors as friends on Facebook? No. When was the last time you thought about sex, or sexual things? Ummm within the past few days probably, at least briefly? Are there any flowers planted outside your house? We have a tall bush that sprouts big, pink flowers, if that counts. Does anyone in your family smoke? Dad. What was the very first election you voted in? I haven't yet. Do you have a drone? No. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No, rather too shy. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? YEAH. I slept like shit and had to get up early for a VR assessment. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? I feel like I'd say something sarcastic to them. Or be more mature about it and ask why. Or cry. Are you proud of who you are? Eh, only in certain areas... Is your vision good? I can barely read the line below the big "E." So no lmao. Are you a legal adult? Yeah but idk how. Has anyone ever called you a flirt? No. What was the last compliment your received? The assessment lady at VR loved my hair. Do you know any sign language? No. Who was the last person to give you a gift? Sara, on our anniversary. Do you trust the media? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BITCH NO. If you could kill off one species of animal, which would it be? Can gnats like????? not???????? Idk if they have a single useful function????????? What kind of cookies are your favorite? Chocolate chip. Who’d you last say I love you to? My mom. What’s the most overpaid job in your opinion? I'm not educated on this enough to give you an informed answer. What’s the last thing you wrote down? Working out a math problem during the assessment. When’s the last time you didn’t sleep in your own bed? Over a month ago. When’s the last time you heard a gunshot? Idk. Who’d you get mad at last? Myself. What’s the last thing that annoyed you? Bentley wouldn't listen. When’s the last time you gave someone advice? I think yesterday? Do you think you’re lucky, unlucky, or neither? Neither. Who did you last disappoint? Myself. Do you enjoy learning? Of course!!!! I mean there're subjects I have no interest in and don't enjoy, but learning as a whole is great. People say you learn something new every day, so what did you learn today? Well it was nothing big, but that I could return Miku before she got hurt since Mitsu didn't appreciate a new "buddy." Yes or no: eyebrow piercings? They can look super badass or awful depending on your face and eyebrow thickness imo. When I say The Beatles, what is the first song that comes to mind? "Yellow Submarine" even tho I hate that song???? In your opinion, what is the very worst type of weather? Hot and humid, especially with no breeze. Just no. You can only listen to 1 band for the rest of your life, who do you pick? DON'T MAKE ME. What is something that you had to learn the hard way? DON'T. THINK. A RELATIONSHIP. IS WITHOUT A SINGLE CHANCE. OF. SOMEONE. LEAVING. EVEN. IN THE MOST "SECURE" ONES. When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking? Ahhhh I'm not sure. Either something with Mom or Sara. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Mom. If your ex called you right now, would you answer? I don't have his number, so I wouldn't answer. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Sara. Do you want your tongue pierced? It is. 10/10 recommend for cute factor, but 0/10 for the healing process and pain asjfawiwo. Mine's through the very tip of my tongue and because that area is so sensitive, it was so painful that I became immediately nauseous. Pain didn't entirely vanish for almost two weeks. BUT I have zero regrets, so worth it. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yeah. What’s one thing in your life that you wish you could change? Financial position. Have you ever been in a perfect relationship? Ha, don't ever believe those exist. Do you still talk to the person who broke your heart the most? Nope. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Ummm I don't believe so. Well, I don't know if I'd take back going all the way or whatever the fuck that was, maybe I would. idk Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? No. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I'm capable, but I don't enjoy it at all. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yeah, being in a shit mood and/or being impulsive with my words. Do you like french fries? Who the FUCK sayin no to this. Have you ever ate so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? To some degree/in certain aspects. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? Probs brownies. Have you ever played a drinking game? Which ones? No. Are you good with managing your finances? I don't. Not in that position yet. What is the closest pizza place to your house? Domino's. Do you have any silly nicknames or pet names? Hmmmm no. Are you any good at drawing? Some things. Is there anything unusual about your house? No. Can you maintain a text conversation or do you run out of things to say? I think I'm good at keeping *text* convos going, surprisingly. Do you find it hard to talk to strangers, even people who work in stores? YEAH!!!!!!! Have you ever tasted goat’s milk? No. Did you ever take classes for a musical instrument when you were younger? Yup. Band member all through middle school, stopped after my junior year of HS. Do you snore when you sleep? No, but I talk a loooot. Who is the first person who broke your heart? Dad. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Jason's dad was in the Navy. What religion are you? Theist, which basically just entails me believing there's a god/goddess/some sorta beginning deity, but hell if I know anything about them. I make my own guesses. Who is the last person you gave a ride to, and where did you take them? I don't have a license or my own car. What is the last thing you untruthfully denied? Hm. I'm not sure. Have you ever ridden on a real train? No. Name ONE good memory about your last ex? He's absolutely hilarious and I miss hanging out more! Would you consider yourself dishonest? Not gonna bullshit and claim I never am, but in general, no. Do you tend to let people break through your walls easily? HAHA YEAH RIGHT. What are you superstitious about? Nothing. What is the coolest thing you can do? Oh boy, hell if I know. I know from experience people are often surprised how even skittish animals/pets seem to be drawn to me; does that count? Is there anyone you want to hook up with that you haven’t? Not my thing.

P5R Liveblog (13/?)

Haru arc

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Oh...? Are you hung up on Wakaba, too, Doctor?

Oh, Rumi. ...Who's Rumi?

IS IT KASUMI'S SISTER??? bc you know there's weird stuff going on there

Probably not but this is for wild guessing anyway

If we can believe Kasumi then her sister is younger than her

And that'd be pretty weird to talk about in a romantic context

The problem is if kasumi is to be believed

she's dead I know she's dead I don't think she knows she's dead but she's super dead

Or in a coma I guess but let's be real here

I don't trust Shibusawa in the slightest. He's definitely going to try to take that research. I wouldn't be surprised if he was one of those men in black suits, either. He's rich - he goes to the Wilton on a whim, with his "buddies" - he could definitely be one of Shido's men.

OMFNDJD THIS LES MIS KNOCK OFF FILLS ME WITH JOY

Hoo boy. Maruki... I don't think you'll be very pleased with our answer. I do think you have good intentions, now, but you will definitely be an antagonist here.

I'm still really impressed with Chihaya. She really thought that the protag would hate her once she told her story, that her fortune said he was supposed to hate her, and she "never thought [he] would overturn even that fate". And yet, she told him anyway.

A Yusuke & Ann showtime!! : D I wonder what it'll be like?

THATS SO INCREDIBLY ANIME I LOVE IT

Haru idolizing superheroines vs Ann idolizing lady villains fight

I cannot waittt to see what they do with cognitive Haru, if they decided to make her this time around

YUSUKE CAN DUPLICATE IN PALACES?!?!?

A Will Seed with lasers barring the way? Interesting.

FUTABA FINISHING TOUCH FUTABA FINISHING TOUCH!!!!

Huh, it's kinda goofier than I was expecting.

"When a person is continually faced with oppression, they come to welcome its presence." Yusuke : (

"Such psychological trickery is being used here. I... experienced it first-hand for many years." YUSUKE : C

It's kinda nice that those workers are being blocked by lasers instead of us being too intimidated by their number to just go after them. ...Am I remembering this correctly?

Oh, Noir... I'm glad I get the option to ask if she's okay.

The Yumizuki High uniform really does suit Yusuke.

I wonder if there's a way to talk to people about their outfits.

Does Futaba's thing happen in place of Joker's, now? That's kind of a shame

HEY DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE TO HAVE FUTABA SHOWTIMES?!?????

Airlock time.

Man I want to see robot/cyborg Haru so badly come on Okumura I know she's here

This stuff about being okay for 30 sec as long as you close your eyes and mouth sounds wrong but I don't know enough about the condition of the human body in space enough to dispute it so okay I fuess

Anyway this is run by clap your hands if you believe kinda magic so it doesn't really matter anyway (also, thank god for Futaba saying that it'd work)

It's interesting - space factories/stations aren't a typical heist target (nor are castles, tbh, but museums, banks, pyramids, casinos? Naturally) (space stations in general can be, in the right genre. But this is set up a bit unusually for that). Corporate offices of shady companies, however...

Spaceeeeee ahdskdjs this is SO COOL

what the fuck what the fuck was something else going through the airlock?!?!

Ugh, how aggravating. I had been able to get the Will Seed the entire time until I pulled the lever that allowed me to progress

What is this shadow???? I'm not sure I know it! "Pagan savior", huh?

No, guys, there's another airlock room. Stop saying 'the treasure is just beyond that door!' when there is a whole other area/floor to go through. Especially since you have a map

Futaba gets motion sickness...oh no I'm so sorry ;u;

I...actually remembered the first half of the solution to the transfer line. I got out of there in practically no time. Heck yeah!

"Thou hast to awakened to the ultimate secret of the Sun, granting thee infinite power..." Yoshida...! TAT

I always end up maxing him right around the end of Okumura's Palace. I feel so bad. His newfound popularity is gonna absolutely tank soon. ;-;

Man, who even gets elected after the populace starts caring again? I don't know how Japanese politics works, really, like at all, honestly, but probably he has a subordinate who can take his place. But like, his whole crew's gotta be corrupt, right? Especially someone who'd be his replacement. Though honestly, considering how paranoid he got by the end, he probably chose someone weak-willed in order to prevent

Oh wait hold on I just looked up how this works. Apparently, uh...

Huh. I'm not sure if the cabinet resigns if the prime minister does usually or if that's just if the house passes a vote of no confidence. But, the prime minister appoints the ministers, so if the prime minister changes then there could be an issue there, probably?

But anyway. Looks like the Diet would immediately try to vote for a different person once the prime minister seat is vacant.

Huh, I wonder who gets voted in, then. Well, we only know of 2 candidates other than Shido, and Yoshida doesn't have the funding or even (yet) the popularity to become prime minister, so Matsushida is really the only other choice unless they pick someone we haven't heard about.

Oh my GOD I hate the school. They're being such assholes to Kasumi. She got 3rd place!!! That's amazing!!! This isn't even a school specializing in gymnastics!!!!!! YOU SPECIALIZED IN VOLLEYBALL AND EVEN IF THAT WERENT THE CASE YOURE TERRIBLE

*ahem* Anyway.

You can tell that Maruki is quietly pissed and honestly? Valid. Super valid. Same, Maruki, same.

She's not gonna get that text, with how her phone is.

"we took in those sisters to improve Shujin's standing, but at this rate, we're only going to end up suffering for it." Oh??? Oh??????

"not only have we lost one of them, but the other ones not doing us any good. Talk about a waste of effort..." Hooooly shit you asshole

Wait, hold on, it's October already????!? November's just a month away!! I have less than 3 months for social linking! And I still haven't maxed knowledge or kindness! (Or guts, but whatever) I've only maxed 1 person! Although I'm close to maxing Ryuji & Ann & Yusuke. And some npcs

AHHHHH CUTSCENE CUTSCENE!!!!

So the keywords - lab, stadium, and ... Either Maruki or Kasumi for the person. OH MAN AND EITHER WAY IM ALREADY IN MY PHANTOM THIEF CLOTHES

ONE OF THEM DOESNT TRUST ME

It's probably Maruki, right? Bc of the lab... But also I thought the whole wish fulfillment thing was going to be his cogpsi project... With the help of Jose, maybe...

Speaking of Jose, Jose looks like a toy, especially with that hair and those ears. I wonder what material he's supposed to be? Based on the ears I'd say plastic, maybe, but the hair looks more ceramic to me.

Anyway, back to the relevant FUCKING PALACE WOOHOO

I haven't even sent a calling card for Okumura yet so we're not dealing with this anytime soon

Ooh, this music... <3

Oh man, I totally forgot I had Morgana in the maid costume. I gotta get him into something more serious

Why is dancewear not the p5dsn costume??

This is...really empty...

I am suddenly really scared at what the people are going to look like

There are pigeons here...

But wait, if this is Maruki's Palace, then this is bc of all his grief... He doesn't want anyone to hurt, ever again. The people will be their ideal selves, probably...

...I'd love to see a cognition of myself, tbh. That won't happen, but I'd love it.

This place is really beautiful... With the music it seems like a sad place...

Look at all these wires

That's probably the sister, right?

Unless that's the cognition of Yoshizawa when she was alive and her current self is her ideal self.

The shadow attacked the cognition???!?!

YUP this is definitely Maruki's Palace

Hmm. Interesting.

Oh, Cendrillon really is perfect for her, huh.

SHES DOING A MAGICAL GIRL TRANAFORMATION WHAY

WHAT

WHY????

IM NOT UPSET ITS JUST A LITTLE WHAT????

Does her outfit look like mine a little bit bc she's using me as a role model for her source of confidence - confidence that she is using/interpreting for her inner rebellious spirit?

Wait, lost my train of thought

Aww, I mistimed that. I was hoping to get a Kasumi finishing touch

MORGANA-SENPAI

It is definitely an unfair consequence

Oh, so that's why, narratively, her phone sucks. It's to prevent us from figuring out whose Palace it is.

Yeah, this time it's entirely on you, Morgana.

... it's because of gymnastics? And not because you disagree with us on an ideological level? ...okay. sure. Whatever.

Hoo boy. This is gonna suck when Okumura has his mental shutdown. I wonder how she'll react.

She is of the Faith arcana, whatever that means. Maybe she'll keep faith in me? I did max her half-confidant

It's cool, Kasumi. I really didn't do much. You may have a debt of gratitude or whatever but like you don't actually need to repay it. Just keep being my friend and maybe one day you'll quit keeping score

*sigh*

If only. Too bad you're probably dead.

SHOWTIME WITH HARU? SHOWTIME WITH HARU? PLEASE?

Oh, Mona-chan. I figured as much, but I was still hoping...

Anyway, Haru&Mona showtime still very good!

Man, I would kill to hear their explanations for what they're doing.

...this is incredibly violent, isn't it? I anticipate it with bated breath

Oh man, can you imagine a showtime with Kasumi? Maybe with Akechi, if Atlus isn't going to give me one

Which, fair enough, from a gameplay standpoint

Still. : (

"the Phantom Thief Basic Training"?

Oh, good, we're actually addressing cognitive people with Haru.

Oh, this is either gonna suck if they address the implications, or we're gonna see cognitive Haru. >: 3

Dream world, huh...

THE YUSUKE-HARU FRIENDSHIP IS SO UNDERSTATED AND UNDERRATED I WANT MORE CONTENT

THERE SHE IS!!! THERE SHW IS!!!!

Oh, man, I had a lot of feelings during that fight. That time limit though

I like how they updated this fight

Although I think I'm a little underleveled, potentially. I could not destroy her before she self-destructed, and it took me a while to beat the chief directors and executive director. Oneshotted Okumura himself, though.

OH MAN I SHOULD HAVE READ THIS BILLIARDS BOOK EARLIER

I DIDNT REALIZE I COULD INCREASE MY TECHNICALS????

I already thought that technicals were beefed up from how they were - I guess this is part of that!

Wish I had another book on kindness, ugh.

SO THATS HOW THEY CHANGED POSITION HACK

Ann & Haru have such similar colors. I wish they would have darkened Haru's a little bit more

Wait I never got to see the Haru-Mona showtime

I even had both in my party : (

GOD IWAI YOU'RE SO SHADY

I forgot to start his social link until now whoops

Although I've only had my guts high enough for past ~2ish weeks so there's that at least

Guh, I have to get to Mementos and start up Shinya's...

How many part-time jobs does this have? Like, 5? Maybe 6, if you count him helping out Sojiro? The convenience store, the beef bowl place, the flower shop, Crossroads, and now the gun shop. Anything I'm missing? I feel like I'm missing one.

Desire & Hope is really pretty. The Desire underneath is kinda weirdly desaturated compared to the hope, though. Not sure if it actually works as well as Desire did by itself. Idk. They're both good, but I liked how Desire looked a bit more. I understand that D&H has personal meaning, though. Who knows, maybe in person I would feel differently

I kinda really like that Yusuke tends to go more abstract with his stuff, even if he does try out a bunch of different styles

Maxing Yusuke. And thank god for Affinity Readings. Finally got Ryuji at a point where I can max him.

Oh. I had forgotten how Kamu Susano-o looks. ...

Walk Me Home - Ch 4

Summary: Twenty-four years ago, Kimberly Harper met a boy who changed the course of her entire life before up and leaving one night. She spent years moving past the memories, building a stable, satisfying career as professor of folklore and mythology at the local university. Then the accidents start, and she’s forced to seek help among her hunter contacts. All it takes is a knock on her office door to send Kimber’s carefully built emotional walls crumbling to the ground.

Featuring: Teen Winchesters, high school romance, reunions, misunderstandings, high intensity emotional turmoil, Dean’s love of pie, Dean being adorable, Sam being adorable and maybe a bit nosy eventually, much group adorkable-ness, show-style investigation, mention of our favorite werewolf, gratuitous and obvious love of fall, DID I MENTION ROMANCE, fluff, smut, tension. 

Warnings: Show level violence, show level parental neglect (let’s not John bash, I’m just saying), show-style witchcraft, show-level mental manipulation, stalking, bit of angst, sexual content (higher than show level),swearing, general yearning

Word Count: 2702

Author’s Note: Mega thanks to @mskathywriteswords​ , @fangirlxwritesx67​, and @cracksinthewalls​ for editing, revision, flailing, and generally knocking sense into me when I’m being stubborn. You all made this story way better than it started it, and I love you. Thanks to everyone who read/reblogged/liked the first chapter. I hope you enjoy the story as much as I do. 

@thoughtslikeaminefield​ , I hope you still love this as much as the first time you read it. I know I do.

Keep in Mind: There are a lot of flashbacks. I tried to write current events in present tense and flashbacks in past tense. Here’s hoping I got everything right!

Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY. 

In Case You Missed It: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Chapter 4

Kimber knows she’s staring, but she can’t stop herself. His fingers, rough and strong from years of the hardest work, brush circles over her wrists that send her pulse fluttering through her veins. So many emotions flicker behind his eyes, some of them mirroring her own, some of them alien and unreadable. So many years have passed, so much water under the bridge, as the saying goes. 

The thing is, he was completely right earlier. She could have called him, once she learned who he and his family were, once she found a way.

But he had left town with her phone number memorized. He was in a much more logical position to get in touch, and right away, at that. And he never did. She knows he had a good reason, a completely reasonable one that would make sense if she just asked him.

But she’s scared and drained and confused and more than a little ashamed, and she’s tired of making a fool of herself.

She drops her eyes before the tears fully form and murmurs a quiet thanks as she loosens her hands from his grip. Though walking away is not what she wants to do, she forces her legs straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind her with a firm click. 

She’ll feel better after a hot shower. That’s all she needs, a hot shower and a few hours of sleep. They’ll figure this out tomorrow, and then Dean and his brother will ride off into the sunset, and everything will go back to normal. She’ll go back to her classes as usual, helping out the occasional hunter or scholar with some lore, and she’ll bury all these feelings behind her heart again, drown them so deep they’ll never dream of resurfacing.

At least, that’s the fairy tale she tells herself as the scalding stream washes the saltwater from her cheeks. 

She actually does feel moderately restored by the time she steps out of the bathroom. She feels a little ridiculous in Dean’s clothing. The sleeves of the t-shirt hang past her elbows, and the pants legs are rolled up several times to keep her from tripping. 

At least the waist has a drawstring, she thinks as she rounds the corner back into the room. She pulls the towel from her hair, shaking it out a little just as Dean looks up from his laptop at the small table. His mouth opens, eyes widening. She’s not sure because of the poor lighting of the room, but his face seems to color a little as his eyebrows lift.

She is suddenly, acutely aware that she did not put her bra back on when getting dressed in his white t-shirt that is probably not nearly as thin as it feels.

Dean clears his throat, turning back to his computer, swallowing whatever comments have entered his mind. Kimber can’t decide whether to laugh or blush even harder and settles for the third option of hanging her office clothes up so they can air out a little before tomorrow. 

With nothing else to do, she drops onto the edge of the bed gracelessly, feeling every minute of the last few weeks catching up with her. Uncertainty and fear claw at her, ripping away what little defenses she has left. The image of the mutilated doll flashes before her eyes, red paint splashed luridly on her favorite comforter. Her lungs clench, and she sags on the mattress. 

She presses her fingers hard against her face. Acid burns at the back of her throat, bitter and biting. Her fingernails are just beginning to dig into her scalp when she registers the click of the laptop closing. Half a moment passes, then the bed dips beside her. 

She doesn’t consciously decide to move; her body simply molds itself to his side as Dean slides his arm around her back. He turns into the embrace, his other arm gathering her tightly against him. His cheek comes to rest on top of her head. The silence between them is the comfort she needs, his warmth and solidity the anchor that keeps her from drifting too far into panic.

When he finally speaks, his words rumble through her nerves, settling heavy and soothing in her chest.

“We’re gonna get this son of a bitch, Kimber. I’m sorry they got into your house, but I’m glad I was with you. I…” She rises gently with his deep inhalation, pressed as she is against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

She hears what he isn’t saying, and her hands drop from her face, her arms slipping around his middle as her eyes close.

“Me, too, Dean.”

...

“That pumpkin pie was somethin’ else,” Dean murmured. His arms were folded behind his head as he stretched out on top of Kimber’s bedspread. He crossed his ankles, settling in like he belonged there. His thin t-shirt stretched across his wiry frame, jeans lying enticingly low on his hips, and she could just see a glimpse of pink toe through a hole in one of his socks.

A pleasant, off-balancing thrill skipped down Kimber’s spine, twirling through her stomach and making her head spin a little. Dean’s jacket was hung carefully on her desk chair, his boots lined up on the floor underneath, and his button-up overshirt folded neatly on the desk.

Her parents had gone to bed long ago, and she had snuck Dean in the back door. After their exhilarating but chilled stroll that afternoon, she’d decided against the treehouse. Dean had been amused but willing, although he’d had one stipulation that had nearly made her laugh aloud.

“We get caught and your folks kick me out, you’re bringing me your mom’s leftovers to school every day for breakfast. I’m not missin’ out on home cooking just because you can’t stand to be away from me.”

Now, seeing him so comfortable on her bed, like he just belonged...Kimber knew the smile on her face was on the goofier end of sappy, but she couldn’t help it. He was just so damned…

“Cute,” he said, smirking up at her. “I know what you’re thinking. And I’m not cute. I’m adorable.”

She sighed dramatically, feigning exasperation. “Fine, you’re gorgeous, adorable, vital, the absolute most. Now close your eyes so I can change.” Smirk still firmly in place, Dean dutifully closed his eyes. She knew, despite the short time she’d known him, that she could trust Dean to keep his eyes shut.

She spent a few seconds regretting the lack of any silky, dramatic nightgowns or cute, sexy little matching pajama sets. Oh, well; couldn’t have everything. She stripped quickly, tossing her school clothes into the hamper and slipping on her “Aaahh!!! Real Monsters” t-shirt. Thick socks and plaid pajama pants completed her night ensemble. 

That she had just been naked (however unseen said nakedness had been) in front of Dean Winchester had not escaped her. She licked her lips, cheeks warm, and turned slowly back to the bed. He lay still, chest rising and falling steadily, and she marveled, not for the first time, that he was here, in her room. Just for her.

Her pulse jumped, her lungs tightened, and for just a second, Kimber panicked.

“You can, uh...you can open your eyes. I’m gonna go brush my teeth; I’ll be right back.”

She fled silently down the hallway, brushed her teeth in record time, and then stared in the mirror. Her hair was just her hair, nothing amazing or horrifying; no point trying to fix that before bed. Maybe…make-up?

“Kimber. What the hell?” she muttered. “You’re not seducing him, just be cool. Jeez. You can’t wear make-up to bed.”

She splashed cold water on her face, scrubbing her skin dry with a hand towel more forcefully than necessary. She gave her reflection another once-over and took a deep breath.

“You’re his choice, too,” she reminded herself. “Just chill.”

She found him exactly as she’d left him, completely relaxed on the bed, eyes still closed. She thought for a moment that he might have fallen asleep. Kimber wasn’t sure if she felt more disappointment or relief.

“You left in a little bit of a hurry,” he murmured, eyes still closed, and she started. “Everything okay?” She almost put him off, could feel the brush-off on her lips, but his eyes slid open, pinning her on the spot. She got the eerie sense that he would know, that he already knew she was trying to put on a front, and she deflated a little.

“I’m nervous,” she finally admitted. The heat in her cheeks turned up a few degrees, spreading down her neck, and she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “I’ve never...snuck a guy to my room before. I just...this is mostly new to me, but with you, I want...I don’t know.”

Without a word, Dean slid from the bed and crossed the room, his mesmerizing eyes never leaving hers. He stopped a few feet away and waited, his arms open. With the bed suddenly out of the equation, Kimber felt a hidden knot of anxiety untie in her chest. 

She let out a breath and stepped into his embrace, her arms circling his waist in a way that felt easy and right. Dean’s lips pressed a warming kiss to the crown of her head. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispered. “This is your room, your space, but even if it wasn’t-” He paused, leaning back and brushing his thumb over her cheek. “Kimber, look at me.”

She did, and his earnest expression left no room to doubt his next words. It barely left room for breathing.

“ ‘M not here to make you feel uncomfortable or scared. I’m here because you want me to be. The second that stops, the second I make you feel something you don’t want, that’s it. Period. Does that work for you?”

His eyes, so plaintive and weathered in that moment, cut right to her heart. Never in her life had Kimber felt so safe, so protected, and so very sad. She couldn’t think of any words that lived up to the magnitude of what Dean had just said, so she simply squeezed him tighter, pressing her face against the side of his neck. 

“Can you stay?” she asked. She knew he had obligations, probably needed to get back to his brother or at least check in with his dad. She felt terribly selfish in her warm, safe house with her parents right down the hall. Still, she asked. 

“Yeah, I can stay for a while.” His smile, soft and open, laid her doubts to rest. They settled onto the bed, fumbling a little awkwardly to find a position they both liked. There was some bumping, mumbled apologies, until they finally sorted out a comfortable twist of limbs that didn’t set her heart beating out of her ribs or threaten to cut off blood flow to anything important. 

She relaxed by increments, her cheek resting on his collarbone. He hugged her close with his left arm, his right hand combing slowly through her hair over and over. The silence settled around them like a second blanket, soothing and heavy.

“What do you want to do when you finish school, Kimber? College?”

“Probably,” she murmured. “I don’t know specifically, but I like research.”

He snorted, and she poked him in the side.

“Shut up, you jerk, I do. And I like sharing the information. I like helping people. I don’t really want to be a teacher, but maybe I can find something where I can do all of that.”

Dean resumed combing her hair, having paused when she poked him, and they settled a little more closely together.

“Dean?”

“Mmm?”

She blinked slowly, sleep pulling at her eyelids. Her thoughts spun out languidly, losing their urgency as his warmth seeped through the thin fabric of her pajamas. 

“How about you?”

His answer came quickly, rehearsed and without thought. “Join the family business. Dad’s been training me for years. Don’t have a lotta choice, but I know I’ll be good at it. Was raised for it.”

Her fingers crept up, her eyes staying closed for longer and longer periods between blinks. She slid her thumb over his chin, just brushing the line of his bottom lip before sliding slowly up his jaw. 

His words weren’t emotionless, but they were automatic. There was so much he never said, and she hated to push him, afraid he would just leave or shut down, but…

“But what do you want?” She persisted, drowsiness interfering with her usual restraint. “Who do you want to be?”

He was silent for so long, she nearly gave in to fatigue. She drifted on the edge of unconsciousness, fingers stroking through the silky strands of hair behind his ears. She felt his face turn, his lips press against her wrist.

“I want...this,” he said. Even half-asleep, she couldn’t mistake the raw longing behind his words. “I want...I want to work a boring, regular job and come home to someone who missed me all day as much as I missed her. I want my kids to cannonball into my legs so hard they knock me over. I want…”

His words choked off, and she stilled her fingers against his cheek, waiting for him to continue.

“I want a house. No...I...when I was little, Dad would come home, and he would just...sweep Mom up sometimes, swing her around, when they weren’t fighting. Even when they were, he’d do it sometimes anyway just to get her to laugh.”

She felt his face shift beneath her hand, but his smile didn’t feel quite right, and she moved closer. His arm tightened around her back, and he smoothed the palm of his free hand down to cup her jaw.

“I want a home. I want to be a dad, a husband. I want a family.”

She felt childish, shallow next to the depth of his simple declaration. Dean wanted what she had, what she took for granted every day of her life. This was the first time he’d spoken of his mother, and though curiosity burned hot inside her, she didn’t dare ask further questions, afraid she’d break the spell of the moment.

Dean’s voice dropped until she could feel it more than hear it, his lips pressing softly against her forehead.

“I want to come home and hold someone until I fall asleep every night. I want to wake up to her and know that my whole day, every day, is gonna be just that, all over again.”

She lifted her face to his then, and in the darkness of her bedroom she could only just make out the barest lines of his features. Their noses brushed, his hand gently pulling at the back of her head, and their lips met. His cheek was damp under her fingertips, and her heart clenched. 

She pulled his head down, brushing her lips over the tears trickling down his cheekbones more by feel than by sight. Both his arms came around her then, pulling her against his chest as he buried his face in his hair. They breathed together, memorizing each others’ scents, heartbeats, rhythms as the night crept by. 

The moment didn’t pass so much as gradually relax until Kimber felt him shift beneath her, smoothly sliding her off his chest and down to the pillows. He kissed her temple, and her face automatically turned to his, chasing his lips. She felt him chuckle against her mouth.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I gotta go. Need to check on Sammy, make sure he got dinner, did his homework, all that mess. I’ll see you tomorrow. Walk you to school?”

She nodded, humming her agreement even as she blindly reached for him. Something soft brushed against her fingers, and she automatically pulled it down, cuddling against the fabric. 

“Hold onto that for me. I’ll get it back from you sometime.” She felt a kiss press to her forehead, and then the click of her door closing. She breathed in, Dean’s scent surrounding her as she slipped under again, his button-up shirt pillowed under her cheek and tangled in her fingers. 

…

To Be Continued...

‘Bachelorette’ Episode 9: Bryan doesn’t do so well with Rachel’s family, Peter drops a bombshell, Eric falls in love

The guys meet Rachel’s family in Dallas, and then we get half of the Sex Dates in Spain.

Sports Bachelor Nation, HELLO! Tonight is a very special episode of this reality show because it is Fantasy Suite dates, also known as The Night of Potential Banging. Which is to say, for those of you who don’t know the ins and outs of this franchise as well as I do (*starts weeping of jealousy*): Rachel can have sex with the three remaining men on these dates if both parties so desire. Which both parties usually do, because all they’ve been able to do for two months is make out like high schoolers while cameras roll. Even though in two weeks she’ll end up engaged to one of these jabronis. It’s high time they did the deed, folks.

I love these dates mostly for the mornings after, when producers film contestants in their pajamas. On her Fantasy Suite date with Nick, Rachel wore a fleece onesie that had penguins on it while Nick made her breakfast. Oftentimes the producers make the contestants have breakfast in bed (at least I imagine this is forced, because I don’t know who actually wants to have breakfast in bed after you’ve spent the night having sex in it, but hey, to each her own) and the small talk between two people who’ve just banged and are being filmed by a lot of people is just delightful to watch.

So let’s do it!

HMMM, WAIT, CURVEBALL SITUATION: THEY MEET RACHEL’S FAMILY?

OK, I’m a little annoyed, because instead of going right into a Night of Potential Banging, Rachel’s three remaining hombres must first meet her family. Her sister Constance is eight months pregnant, so while the family usually treks across the world to wherever the godforsaken beach is that the Bachelorette is about to be proposed to, Rachel’s will not be because Constance can’t travel.

But I bet Constance is just a handy excuse. Because we met Rachel’s family during Nick’s season, and they seem too smart and skeptical for this show. I bet they were just like, nah, we’re not flying across the world to meet these dudes, some of whom we’ll never see again. They can come to us.

So the three dudes do.

PETER MEETS THE FAMILY

Peter and Rachel go shopping for a present to give Constance and her husband Alex for their soon-to-be newborn. There’s something very sweet about watching a couple enamored with each other and hopeful that maybe someday they’ll need to shop for baby things together. They settle on a t-shirt with a football on it for Rachel’s three-year-old nephew, and a matching onesie with a football on it for her unborn niece or nephew, and I’m melting. Damn you, baby clothes with sports on them. You get me every damn time!!!!

Peter is the obvious front-runner in my opinion. He’s a little spooked right now because he didn’t say I love you on the last date, so Rachel made him squirm by giving him the last rose at the previous rose ceremony. Before they go into her parents’ house, Peter’s like, listen, Rachel, I’m falling in love with you. And she’s like, I’m falling in love with you, too, which she hasn’t said to Eric or Bryan, thereby cementing my belief that Peter wins. He’s also been a little aloof and guarded this whole time, the way she was with Nick, and I think she respects that. Also, as a woman who often wants what she can’t have, I am speculating that perhaps Rachel is drawn to Peter because he feels like a challenge.

...and there it is! ❤️ #TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/MlpwrKqsqF

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 25, 2017

Rachel’s family loves Peter. Her father, a federal judge, is not around. Rachel gives no explanation as to why he isn’t, which makes me think he was simply like, “I’m a professional, upstanding, FEDERAL GODDAMN JUDGE, so no, my dear, I will not appear on your weird-ass reality dating show.”

Lunch goes well, and the family seems to really like Peter. He tells them how much he cares about Rachel. She looks very happy. They look very happy, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Peter tells Rachel’s mom Kathy — who I love, because she’s just as skeptical and pointed about this show as I am — that he isn’t going to propose to Rachel, so he’s not going to ask for her blessing. Instead, he asks for her blessing to continue dating Rachel.

Most Bachelorette moms would be pissed about this, given that all Rachel wants is a rock. But Kathy is a smart, level-headed woman, and tells Peter she very much appreciates that he doesn’t want to marry Rachel immediately because (she doesn’t say this, but I get the vibe that this is what she means) who the hell gets married after two months of dating on a reality show? She does warn him, however, not to hurt her daughter.

COPPER

Copper! ❤️ Enough said! #TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/2TIzOSjFOo

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 25, 2017

Rachel’s dog Copper is back! Remember? From one of the first episodes? Man, I wondered what he was up to. His leg, which used to be in a cast, seems to be somewhat heeled. Although now I’m wondering whether Copper is Rachel’s dog that her family is taking care of while she’s away or her family’s dog ... whatever, a dog is a dog, and I’m just glad to see Copper is doing well.

THIS IS AWKWARD

The weird thing about meeting Rachel’s family this way is that the three dudes have to stay in a hotel together. Normally after hometowns, they never see each other again except at rose ceremonies. But this time, they have to hang out. I think it must totally suck to have to sit there with your girlfriend’s two other boyfriends knowing they’re soon going to have sex with her, too.

Peter agrees with me.

“What’s awkward is having to sit her with her other boyfriend and know that her other boyfriend is meeting her family,” he says to Bryan. “I don’t want to be sitting here with you right now, I’m not going to lie.”

...he says as nicely as possible. #TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/WtaiNGSZwb

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 25, 2017

I wouldn’t want to be sitting there with Bryan, either. Bryan annoys the hell out of me.

ERIC MEETS THE FAMILY

Eric is as freaked out as Peter was calm. The whole story line with Eric this season has been that he’s never had a serious relationship before, and that he hasn’t been in love, so of course that’s what the family spends most of the time talking about.

Rachel and Eric are goofier together than Rachel and Peter are. But Rachel is also clearly more into Peter; I get friend vibes when she hangs out with Eric. Her family kind of picks up on this, too, though they seem to like him. Her sister Constance asks Eric about his past and seems a little concerned that he’s so inexperienced when it comes to relationships, but kind of shrugs it off.

There's a first time for everything. ❤️#TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/dsdWvDHXO8

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 25, 2017

Eric asks Kathy for her daughter’s hand in marriage. Kathy is clearly still not into this whole thing at all but she’s like whatever, sure, I guess, I trust Rachel. Do whatever.

BRYAN MEETS RACHEL’S FRIENDS

Bryan drives me up the goddamn wall. I just find him smarmy, annoying and cocky laced with underlying insecurity. His whole personality crawls under my skin and make me want to give him a swirlie.

Also, his clothes are terrible. Besides the sick watch Rachel bought him in Geneva (she’s wearing a matching one), he’s wearing the dumbest outfit. I mean, his khakis are fine, they’re whatever, but he doesn’t even have his light blue, slightly too-big button-down tucked into his pants. I wonder if it’s one of those stupid shirts from UNTUCKit (dumb capitalization theirs), the company that makes shirts you don’t tuck in and sponsors a lot of podcasts. I hate that company. Wear a belt and tuck your goddamn shirts in like real men, guys. Jesus. It’s not that hard.

Rachel’s friends like Bryan, I think, which kind of bums me out. Rachel’s like, “I thought he was a douchebag at first” and I’m like, hmmm, he still might be.

BRYAN MEETS THE FAMILY

Things get tense for a while, because Rachel’s mom grills Bryan about whether he’d choose his wife’s side or his mom’s side in an argument, and he hesitates before saying his wife. He tells Constance he loves the family, and she’s like, how can you say you love us when you’ve known us for an hour and a half? And how could you say you thought of Rachel as your girlfriend after knowing her for two weeks?

Both valid questions. Bryan kind of word salads his way through, with Bachelorette speak about love and trust and how fast timelines are possible because everything is so intense. Rachel isn’t thrilled with her family’s inquisition.

I’m working from my parents’ house this week, so my mom is watching the show with me. She’s making the most disgusted faces at the TV and fist-pumping when Rachel’s mom lays down the law.

“It’s like a fairytale,” she says. “You go to the king and say, ‘Want me to annex another kingdom in exchange for your daughter?’ How do they think this is going to work?”

Wise words, Deb.

Uh-oh! #TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/puOU4dYo9R

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 25, 2017

FREEZE FRAME, WAIT A MINUTE

This is the part of the season where I always realize how strange the circumstances of this show are. These people have been living in a world without their phones, without outside news sources, without any distractions, so the only thing they can think about is their emotions. They spend hours obsessing over each other and then convincing themselves that it’s love (which it could be, but, I mean) before rushing headlong to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

The families, meanwhile, are like, whoah... this is not normal. And then the Bachelorette and her bachelors spend a bunch of time being like, “I know this doesn’t seem normal, but trust me, it’s real...” and the family is like no, you’re not hearing us, THIS IS SUPER NOT NORMAL!!!!

The Bachelor/ette franchise is basically summer camp. You fall in love after three days and think you’ll be together forever, only to get back to school and realize Paul, who’s gone home to California, is not worth dating long-distance and looks better with a tan. But in the show’s case, booze is encouraged rather than hidden under bunk beds.

Anyway, Bryan asks Kathy for her daughter’s hand in marriage (which, for the second week in a row, makes me yell, WE MUST DISMANTLE THE PATRIARCHY! at the television — my mother nods) and Kathy’s like sure, whatever.

SPAIN! WE’RE NOT GOING TO FINLAND FOR THE FINALE LIKE LAST TIME BECAUSE SOMEONE AT ABC OWED SOMEONE AT FINLAND AIR A FAVOR!

Okay now we finally get to the Fantasy Suite section of this episode, which is the part I was excited for. But I’m worried we won’t get to all three because there’s not a ton of time left in the episode.

“Never did I ever think I would feel this way about three men at the same damn time,” says Rachel, as she traipses through the square of a Spanish town near wine country.

I don’t believe her. Because I think she’s super into Peter.

ERIC AND RACHEL FINALLY HAVE SEX, CONGRATS ON THE SEX!

Queen of the World! #TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/NJ5YkesCBM

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 25, 2017

Eric and Rachel have a lovely date where he tells her he loves her. The whole thing is boring and predictable. Eric does say, however, that Rachel challenges him, and that is he wants that in a partner. I’m like, hell yeah, Eric. I’m here for this. Men who can’t handle and don’t choose to be with a strong women can go soak their heads as far as I’m concerned.

Eric also seems to have undergone a lot of personal growth this season — I know I shit all over this show, but maybe, for Eric, it’s been good. He’s talking about his emotions and being vulnerable in a way that could end up being allowing him to be open for his next relationship (because I really don’t think he wins).

Rachel wants to sleep with Eric, because she pulls out the card that Chris Harrison has handwritten, announcing that if she and Eric want to, they can bang. I want to compare past cards from other seasons to see if Chris Harrison’s handwriting, or if the handwriting changes. I don’t think Chris actually writes these. I bet some intern does it.

The morning after Rachel and Eric sleep together isn’t as funny as I want it to be. There’s a quick shot of a rumpled up bed (wink, wink) and we see Rachel in another onesie pajama suit. It’s gray this time and lacks penguins. But other than that they just go get coffee. They don’t even tell us how the supposed sex was. Womp womp.

PETER’S FANTASY SUITE DATE

Peter and Rachel meet up on the streets of Spain, and I wonder if Peter knows she may have just banged Eric. I’d be so jealous if I made it to this point; I’d be like HAVE YOU ALREADY BANGED YOUR OTHER BOYFRIENDS AND IF SO I NEED TO KILL THEM? I PROBABLY DO WHERE ARE THEY.

But Peter is chiller than I am and doesn’t bring it up. They go to a vineyard, where Rachel tells the camera that she’s worried about Peter’s hesitation, and then an old dude who owns the vineyard tells them how much he loves his old wife. He sings to them and gives them their own wine cave.

Yes. Yes, we can. ❤️#TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/4Hwuv90XMU

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 25, 2017

Peter starts to tell Rachel how he doesn’t think he’ll be able to propose to her, but they get interrupted by a delightful little Spanish girl that the producers definitely didn’t plant as a diversion, so the rest of the date continues without any Serious Conversations. They stomp grapes and make out. It’s all very sexy.

BUT THEN DISASTER STRIKES

Peter saved the cork from a wine bottle they finished at the vineyard, and tells Rachel it’s his parent’s tradition to save the cork from special occasions and write something on it. She writes, “To many firsts.” But then she’s like so, we need to talk about the fact that all I want at the end of this is to be engaged, and you ... don’t.

(Quick aside: There are few things worse in a relationship than having to be like, so, we need to talk about a potentially unsolvable problem that neither of us are going to budge on. Woof. Poor Rachel and Peter)

Rachel says she could’ve had just a boyfriend if she stayed home, but that she’s here because she wants a husband. She says she doesn’t expect to get married right now, or even a year from now, but she wants to be engaged. Peter’s like, well to me, getting engaged is basically getting married. It just means you need to set a date and do the damn thing, and I’m not sure I’m ready to get married to you, because we’ve only dated in a fake bubble for two months.

#TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/ivwjyq8X7G

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 25, 2017

I think they both want the same thing, technically, but Rachel just needs that ring. Maybe she thinks that she’ll be a failure if she doesn’t come away with some diamond-y hardware. Maybe this is more about winning for her than it is what she actually wants in a relationship. Or maybe she really does want the title of fiancé! But I just think it would be stupid to choose someone else who’s willing to give her a ring over someone who you really want to end up with.

Rachel and Peter come to a stand still where neither of them are willing to say that they’ll change their mind. Rachel is crying and doesn’t know what to say. I feel so bad for her. Peter isn’t saying anything. Rachel says to the camera in an aside, “This is my first time ever thinking Peter and I may not work out.”

AND THEN THE SCREEN SAYS TO BE CONTINUED!

THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT! WHAT WILL THEY DO?! I think this is a pump fake. I can’t see a world in which Peter doesn’t win, but now I’m all confused, because I don’t know how they work this out if neither of them will compromise. But they have to; I bet Peter is eventually like fine, fine, fine I’ll give you a ring.

In other news, why do we always want the ones who make it difficult for us?