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theonewiththefanfics · 3 years

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Because Hearts Get Broken (Part 1/3)

Synopsis: When your whole life you’ve been taught to push your feelings away, it’s hard to open up, even to the people you trust most. And sometimes what you give isn’t enough.

Pairing: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: sad. just angsty and sad. swearing; emotionally closed reader

Word count: 2904

Y/N had never been the kind of person who talks about her feelings. It didn’t matter if it was friends or family; her mindset was – they’re my problems, so you don’t have to worry your head about it.

In relationships, it wasn’t any better, in fact, it was kinda worse. It was extremely difficult for the girl to open up to her partner, which in turn she’d let so many possible relationships pass her by. Not to mention, when she was in one, they slowly deteriorated because of her inability to share with them. Which is why it didn’t come as much of a surprise when it happened between her and Harry.

Somehow unconsciously Y/N had been almost preparing herself, preparing her heart for it to break. When he walked inside his place, she’d been there to prepare them a meal in. They’d both had a stressful couple of weeks with Harry starting off on a new album endeavour, while Y/N’s boss was practically threatening to rip her head off, as she scrambled to finish everything, even though the deadlines were months away.

It just all kind of came crashing down on her when her boss suddenly called her up, telling her to rush back to the office, and when Y/N asked if it could wait until the morning, the ultimatum came that if she wanted her job, she’d do it then and there.

“Hey.” She hadn’t heard Harry come in, only noticed it when his arm wrapped around her shaking shoulders. “Hey, shh, come ‘ere.”

Slowly, he laid the two of them down, letting her head be tucked beneath his chin, as his palm rubbed soothing circles on her back. “ ‘S gonna be okay, dove. ‘S gonna be alright. Come on, now.”

They laid like that for about five minutes, until Y/N pushed her face away from Harry’s chest and laid her cheek there, taking in a few short, shaky breaths, and steadying herself by placing her palm on his chest and feeling the steady thuds of his heart.

“Wanna talk about it?” he muttered in her Y/H/C locks, placing a soft kiss to the crown of her head, but she sighed, shaking her head no.

“ ‘S fine. Overreacted.”

“You were sitting on the couch, crying and hyperventilating, dove. Obviously, something’s wrong.”

“Harry,” Y/N let out a long breath. “Can you please just let it go? It’s nothing major. If it was, I’d tell you.”

“Would you though?” The whisper went almost unnoticed, but Y/N did hear it, and it made her eyebrows furrow and push herself up from where they’d been nestled together.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean.” Harry bit the inside of the cheek. “When is the last time you ever told me what’s bothering you? Like really, truly made you upset?”

“What are you implying?” Y/N’s voice had gone steely, almost emotionless, as her brain pretty much screamed ‘it’s happening’.

“How can I help you when you don’t let me in?” His gaze was pleading, as his hands grasped onto her cheeks.

“You’re not supposed to.”

“Pardon?”

Y/N sighed and stood up from the couch, letting his touch fall away. “You’re not supposed to. They’re my problems to deal with, not yours, so you’re not supposed to help me. And there’s nothing to help me with.”

“Do you not trust me?”

“Of course, I trust you,” she scoffed as if it was the most ridiculous question in the world. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“How are we supposed to be in a relationship, if you don’t trust me?”

“I dunno,” Y/N whispered hugging herself. Sometimes she hated how her brain worked, but it was inevitable, right? It always came to this, so why not be the bad guy in the situation. “Maybe we’re not supposed to then.”

Harry was more than stunned at her reply. Not once during their relationship, he'd thought that her immediate reaction to a problem would be to immediately dismiss their love. "You - you don't mean that."

"Well," Y/N sniffled wiping at her cheeks where new tears were trailing down, "maybe I do. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake. I mean they do say the first year is spent with rose-coloured glasses on, right? 'S time to take 'em off."

“So that’s it? You’re giving up just like that?”

“What do you want me to do?” Y/N exasperated throwing her hands up. “It’s the way I am, and I can’t change that. And if you can’t accept it, then yeah, maybe I am giving up just like that.”

Harry shook his head in disbelief. “I –,” he stammered, “I can’t believe this.”

“What do you want from me, Harry?”

“To fight!” He was practically yelling at this point, hoping to see some kind of emotion on Y/N’s face. “To let me in! To – to – fuck! To start trusting me!”

“I do trust you!”

“But not enough to trust me with your heart.”

A deafening silence fell over both of them because without needing a confirmation, Harry knew he’d struck gold. God, how he wished he hadn’t, but the numb expression Y/N's face morphed into told him enough.

“I’m giving you what I can.” Y/N’s voice was quiet, resolute. “And if that’s not something you can accept, then this is it.”

Now Harry was the silent one. But sometimes you don’t need words to say everything you mean.

“Okay then.” She nodded, went to the mantlepiece and took her clutch. “I’ll see ya around, I guess.”

And with that Y/N walked out of Harry’s apartment without a glance back.

***

Two and a half months later and he still couldn’t understand how everything had gone so wrong. He was at the New Year party, and Y/N was there too, courtesy of Sarah, who was their mutual friend and hosted it each year. This one was a lot more intimate, seeing as the pandemic, though contained, was still raging on, so only the closest and most important people in her life had been invited. Sarah'd been actually the one who introduced the two. Well, more so given them a shove in the right direction. A literal one at that.

The night had been absolute chaos and became an even bigger one when Y/N entered his life, Harry recalled. Drinks were flowing, bodies were moving in an erratic rhythm, most of them completely unaware of how the music boomed while voices shouted the incorrect lyrics and glasses clinked as everyone celebrated the upcoming year, buzzing with excitement as they waited for the countdown. That’s when Sarah, pulling a woman by her arm stormed towards Harry and pushed her into his chest.

“Do not let her leave your sight!” she’d hollered over the music, as Harry blinked at his drummer. “And you!” Sarah pointed at the woman, who giggled, hiding behind her champagne glass and slinking further down Harry’s frame, so much so, he had to grab onto her armpits otherwise she would fall. “Behave for at least five minutes! I need to check up on Mitch before he decides vodka would be a good addition and completely destroys the room.”

With that Sarah was gone, brown hair swishing in a high ponytail, leaving Harry confused and concerned as this stranger snickered behind Sarah’s back, showing her tongue like a child would.

“Umm,” he started not really knowing what to do. “You alright there?”

“ ‘M Y/N.” She leaned up with as much grace as a drugged-up cat, spun around to face him and extended her hand to him, and he took it, giving it a firm shake. “And I might be a lil’ bit drunk.”

A chuckle escaped his lips. “You don’t say?”

“I do.” Y/N nodded confidently about her statement as she swayed on her feet. Harry had to grab her by the shoulder for the woman to remain somewhat upright. “And when I’m drunk, I thrive on chaos.”

“Is that why Sarah shoved you to me so I can babysit you?”

“See, she just doesn’t appreciate me and my talents. She thinks that I’m ‘unreliable’.” Y/N put the word in quotation marks, and in doing so, half her champagne spilt out of the flute. “And she thinks I need ‘supervision’.” There went the other half. “Honestly, it’s Sarah that needs to be looked after. It’s not me that set the curtains on fire.”

But the look on her face told Harry something different, and a smile bloomed on his face. “You set the curtains on fire?”

“I just told you, I didn’t.”

“Yes, well, your face is telling me a different story.”

Instantly Y/N facepalmed. “Stupid face. Can’t keep in check. Listen, the curtains were just…” She waved her hand around. “In the way of the flame. ‘S not my fault they’re made from such flammable material. Should’ve gotten more fire-resistant curtains, if you ask me.”

“Note taken – don’t let you near anything that can be set on fire or is fire.”

Y/N scoffed and gave Harry a side-eye. “As if you can tell me what to do. I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”

“And why's that?”

“Stranger danger.” Y/N wagged her free index finger in Harry’s face accentuating each syllable.

“Well then, let’s not be strangers.” He extended his hand just as Y/N had and waited until she took it. “ ‘M name’s Harry.”

“Good to meet you, Harry. Now, Sarah said nothing about not letting me dance, so come on! I love this song!” she exclaimed, making Harry throw his head back in laughter as she dragged him to the middle of the room, bodies grinding against them, but it didn’t really matter. Not when Y/N made Harry feel as if it was just the two of them in the world.

“Do you now?”

“Yes! Especially when he does the ‘da – dananana da – dananana’ part.” Her eyes went wide with excitement and pride. “Sarah’s in this song as well! She's the drummer!”

His eyebrow quirked up in amusement. Y/N clearly had no idea who she was talking to, and he was kind of loving her for it. Most of the time, as flattering as it was, it could become quite taxing when people recognised you with every step of the way. He wasn’t really allowed to have his smile leave his face, nor was he allowed to stay too lost in his thoughts, needing to be on constant alert if someone asked something.

But Y/N seemed to not care, and something in Harry told him – she wouldn’t care about it if she knew the truth.

“Wanna hear a secret?”

Y/N gasped, eyes twinkling in the disco ball light. “Of course! I love secrets.”

“I’m Harry!”

“I know you’re Harry. You said it already.”

Her confused face made his smile widen even more. “No, I mean I’m Harry. Harry Styles. This is my song.”

And then it dawned on her inebriated brain. “Ooh. You’re Harry Styles!”

“Yeah.”

“Good for you then!” And she put up her hand in a high-five, and he couldn’t leave her just hanging like that, belly-shaking laughter erupting from him before he weaved their fingers together and spun her around.

That night had been one of the best New Year’s he’d ever had. Throughout the hour before the clock struck 12, she’d sobered up enough that when Harry asked if he could kiss her, she was coherent and could say yes. It’d been the best kiss of their lives by that point.

But now, seeing Y/N walk around Sarah’s apartment a smile on her face that he recognised to be fake, and laughter ringing in his ears that he knew wasn’t true, made him look back at that night and wonder if she’d been truly happy then.

She definitely seemed to have been, fuck, Harry hoped she was happy for at least some of it; that when Y/N said she was alright, she’d truly meant it, otherwise, he had no idea what he’d do with himself, but in all honesty, despite the fallout between the two, what he wished was for her to come back. To give him the slightest glimpse into what worried her. That would be enough.

In the beginning, Harry supposed, it was his own fault. He’d thought Y/N was just strong, she was so level-headed that whenever something was wrong, it was tackled immediately and righted that exact second, but in truth, it was just hiding, putting on a performance and living through a smile that was a complete lie.

He saw Sarah lean into Y/N and whisper something in her ear before her head snapped in Harry’s direction, Y/E/C eyes meeting his. He then watched her let out a breath, give Sarah a small smile and look at him once more before approaching, Harry’s own back straightening out as she opened the balcony door and entered his space.

She was a vision, a black and gold glitter romper covering her body, cinched at the waist with a solid gold-colour metal band, while the sleeves fluttered off in a ‘Morticia Addams’ style, as Y/N liked to call it, with her hair out of the way of her face in a simple knot at the base of her neck. Easy to make and easy to take out.

“Bobby pins are the creations of the Devil,” she’d muttered one night after they’d gone to some Hollywood event. Harry couldn't even remember what it'd been for, most of his focus on making sure his date was alright.

One by one she'd untwisted and twirled the metal pins out of her head. “Fucking, scraping my brain from the outside of my skull.”

Harry had chuckled, untying the lace front of his blouse style shirt. “Wanna massage?”

The affirmative groan made him grin like a child on Christmas.

Y/N was the one to break the silence, after having her eyes rake over his own form. A fitted chequered suit paired with a simple dress shirt and chequered moccasins. One of the tamer looks for him, but he wasn’t feeling very festive this year.

“Hey.”

Harry sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. “Hi.”

God, how had everything become so fucking awkward between them?

“How,” she cleared her throat, “how are you?”

“Honestly?” Harry wanted to spit out the ‘I’m fine’, the line that was so overused by her it’d lost its meaning, but he couldn’t. He’d always been an open book, especially with Y/N, so he told her the truth. “I’m hurting.”

“Harry…” Her eyes met the floor unable to hold his green gaze.

“Every day I wake up, and I’m in pain. And it’s not getting easier. And it won’t. Not for a long while.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry.” He laughed even though he didn’t mean it. “I just wanted you to talk to me. You know I’d never judge you.”

“It’s not about that…”

“Then what is it?” Harry snapped. “Because I’m at a fucking loss here. Have been for the past two and a half months.”

“It’s not easy when…” Y/N actually bit down on her tongue to not let the words out. She took in a calm, collected breath; then she continued. “It’s not easy to open up like you want me to when my whole life I’ve been taught to just push it down. Push it away, forget about it. I don’t know a different life. That’s my normal, that’s what I know. I know you wouldn’t have judged me, you’re not that kind of a person. But it’s not even about that. It’s… it’s… why couldn’t you have just left everything at ‘I’m fine’?”

“Because I don’t want to be fine,” he said, sad eyes looking right through her, right through to Y/N’s being. “I – I wanna be great, and ecstatic and fucking exhilarated or hurting or sad, even devastated. I want to feel things. And I want to share them with the person I trust most. I wanna share them with you. And I want you to share your emotions with me too. It’s not your job to carry the weight of the world on your own. That’s what a partner is there for.”

Y/N broke away from Harry’s eyes given how her own were now lined with tears that threatened to slip down her cheeks. She sniffled, using the sleeve of her romper to press against her nose.

New Years. When the previous one had started off with so much love and hope and laughter and the new one seemed to only show it had tears and heartache ahead. God, this was the worst holiday in existence.

“Ten, nine, eight,” the people inside counted down.

“Y/N, please.” One last try. He had to.

“Seven, six, five.”

She just shrugged. “I don’t know how to be different."

“Three, two, one! Hap–“

“Happy New Year, Harry.” Y/N leaned up and pressed a lingering kiss against his cheek. “I hope you find someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

With hands in her pockets, she retreated leaving him standing alone on the balcony, but right as she was about to close the sliding door, he spoke up.

“I had.”

That made Y/N spin around, cold air hitting her face just as harshly as the truth that spilt past his lips.

“Only she didn’t trust that I loved her the same.”

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Forever tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue @im-squished

A/N: Part 2? maybe??

P.S. my tags are always open :)

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addictedtostorytelling · 2 years

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Hi! Not to go back to the kind of sadness after all this happy gsr, but I was wondering what your take is on their conversations when Sara was at the lab and Grissom was abroad? I always found the fact that he had no clue who DB was kind of curious

hi, @frostysfrenzy!

unless we assume that grissom's memory is way worse than it actually is and/or that sara only refers to db as "russell" throughout the entire time that she and grissom are still married and she's working under db at the lab, grissom not knowing who db is is just a writer's mistake*, plain and simple, and should be ignored.

* probably made because zuiker never actually watched s12 to s15** of the original series and so was unaware that sara was working under db back when her and grissom's marriage was still good.

** not that i really blame him, tbh.

as for what they talk about in their phone calls, i presume the same kinds of things they talk about in person: happenings in their lives, sara's cases, grissom's adventures in lecturing and archaeology, developments at the lab, their travel plans surrounding their monthly visits, the status of their elusive research grant, domestic issues like making repairs on the house in vegas or subletting their apartment in paris before grissom goes to peru, hank's latest antics, updates on betty, fun scientific trivia they may have learned, books they're reading, television and movies they're watching (maybe sometimes live over the phone with each other), baseball, philosophical thoughts they're having, life/the universe/everything, memories from their pasts, their feelings for each other, etc., etc., etc.

they may also occasionally have phone sex.

i honestly believe sara in s11 when she tells betty that their long-distance relationship is going strong, so i've gotta think that their phone communication at that time (and all the way up until probably about the end of s12) is likely pretty damn good.

things only start to change for them come s13, when, as i talk about in this post,

starting in s13, grissom and sara’s long distance marriage becomes harder and harder for them to maintain, just logistically speaking. between differing time zones, sara’s crazy schedule at the lab, grissom’s globetrotting, etc., etc., they end up missing a lot of their previously scheduled calls to each other.

at first, it’s seemingly innocuous that they do so—a “hey, i’m pulling a double tonight, so can we talk tomorrow?” here and a “i’ve got bad reception; can i call you back later?” there. but over the weeks and months, it gets progressively worse. soon, both of them acclimate to talking very little with each other. they’ve each got their separate lives on separate continents, and they find it hard to catch up with each other, even when they do have the time to talk.

it’s awkward having to explain weeks and months’ worth of little day-to-day things to the person who should know your life better than anyone, right?

so they stop calling as often to avoid the awkwardness, and that spirals into them dodging each other’s calls at times when they’re not “emotionally prepared” to have in-depth conversations.

and then by the time they know it, they have a problem: their marriage is in trouble, but neither one of them has a clue how to talk to the other one about it.

during this time, i would guess that the nature of the few phone conversations they do manage to have changes. they talk less about the substance of their lives and their interior emotional landscapes and more about superficial stuff—like what the weather is like and world events—because that stuff is easier to put out there than anything more personal, given how vulnerable they both feel.

it's probably somewhat devastating the first time sara starts in on a story about an ongoing case—one that she and the team have been working for weeks—and grissom stops her mid-sentence to go, "wait a minute. who is this witness? in what case now?" and she realizes that she's not actually gotten a chance to tell him about it yet because they haven't had a call since the investigation started. ditto for when grissom mentions some student or colleague and sara has no idea who the person is, even though they're someone whom grissom has been working closely with for the last month.

the more experiences they have like these ones, the less willing they are to try to catch each other up on the daily stuff of their lives; at some point, the gap just starts to feel too insurmountable.

it's kind of a self-perpetuating cycle, you know? like, they go so long without talking that they find they have less and less to talk about when they finally do talk, until at last they just stop talking period.

anyway.

that's my take.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #frostysfrenzy #asks: csi #**#my meta #meta: csi #later seasons #let's talk shop #csiverse

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studyspiration-coffee · 5 years

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what to do when everything’s a mess

Wash your hair. Don’t worry about all those articles online about the best haircare products of 2019 and whatnot, get in, wash it like you usually do, get out. Leave it to air dry, it’s less work for you.

Brush your teeth. Even if you brushed them this morning and are probably going to brush it tonight, do it anyway. Especially if it’s exam time, all that tea or coffee you’re most likely downing (props to you if you only study with water) probably makes them feel kind of gross.

I know most of these lists tell you to run a bath, but let’s face it, for those of you who even have a bath in the first place, the thought of filling that tub and sitting there in complete silence for a couple hours seems like a trek. And ironically exhausting. So instead, just brush your hair, take a nap (set a nice soothing alarm) and once you’ve gotten out of bed, wash your face or at least splash cold water on your face.

CLEAN clean clean clean CLEAN. Easier said than done, but at least start by clearing one messy component of your area; it could be your floor, your desk or your bed. You don’t need to clean and re-organise your entire room marie condo-style for you to actually have a reason to take the time to clean in the first place. A little goes a long way, and you don’t ALWAYS need to do the hard yards ya know.

I would say read a book, but sometimes your brain is melting or buzzing so it can’t really focus on anything lengthy. So instead, find someone reciting a poem online, and just listen to it. I recommend Jeremy Irons and his voicing of tons of T.S Eliot poetry, or Allen Ginsberg reciting his own poetry (Howl is a classic).

If you’re one of those people who drowns their sorrows by listening to music, don’t listen to music!! Don’t reinforce your pain!! So to that I say, listen to a podcast. If the classic podcast genre of true crime is a little too stressful and you’ve already cried twice today, listen to interviews with actors, screenwriters and directors. It can be really refreshing to listen to people you already enjoy the content of talk about their work. I recommend Awards Chatter and Happy Sad Confused.

Stop staring at screens! Just physically sit outside for a bit, you don’t need to go for a jog or do a general workout, just…sit. People-watch, try and memorise the exact scene in front of you, from the mis-en-scene to all the colours and sounds and the way the sunlight feels on your eyelashes. Write it down if you want to, you could even denote a single notebook to your little outdoor descriptions. Or just write on a napkin. To each their own.

Have you eaten today? And I mean something hearty, something that isn’t primarily made out of air and salt. Something that falls under the umbrella of snack does not count; meal is more like it. If not, eat. Preparing food might feel exhausting, but so’s going a relatively long amount of time without something nutritionally substantial.

If you’re feeling emotionally heavily, get out a notebook or even just a scrap of paper, a pen and cry until your eyes are as blurry as can be. With tears down your cheeks, scribble out how you’re feeling. Don’t bother with how neat or messy it is, whether the sentences even stay on the lines, it’s not about being aesthetic. In fact, it’s about being as messy as possible. Let all of it out, and let is act as a physical manifestation of what’s going on in your head. Don’t fight it or deny it, relieve yourself by both constructing and understanding yourself.

#studyblr #studyspo #tips #motivation #bujo #notes #mine #appblr #lawblr #medblr #high school #self care #wellbeing #wellness #study motivation #career #advice

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arvandus · 3 years

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Congrats on 500 followers! Could I perhaps request 8 from the fluff prompts with Present Mic, but platonic? Like he's the reader's unofficial metaphorical dad and something bad happens to the reader and the prompt line is what he says at the end? Sorry if that's confusing.

Thank you so much! Ngl, I struggled with this one a bit. I’ve never written for Present Mic before, so this was new territory for me. Also never written platonic before, which was also a good exercise. Really though, it’s because this was INSTANTLY the idea that had popped into my head with your request, and it WOULD NOT BUDGE. Normally not a problem, but for some reason, I had the hardest time figuring out how to fit the dialogue prompt into it. BUT I DID IT! It only took me.... *checks* 1732 words to get there. 🤣🤣🤣

This makes it my biggest one yet for the 500 Followers Event. I hope you enjoy it! It’s a bit angst heavy in the beginning because of the nature of your request, but it does end on a happy note!

8. “You are my family.”

It happened. It actually happened. You had hoped it wouldn’t, but here you were, sitting on a park bench with nothing but a backpack and a duffle bag. Your mind replayed the sound of your family’s words in your head. Harsh, cruel, heartless words.

‘Get out.’

Sure, there was more to it than that, but you didn’t want to dwell on it, to let it fester within you and take root. There was already more than enough damage tied to their memory, and the last thing you wanted to do was carry it with you. After all, you had enough baggage as it was.

Of course, this was easier said than done. The ache sat heavy in your gut, your heart a black void. Questions flew circles in your mind like crows, questions you’d likely never know the answer to. They mocked you, pecking at your resolution, tearing at your self-esteem. Tears soaked down your cheeks and you let them fall freely as you wrapped your arms around yourself, struggling to find a strength you weren’t sure you had.

You began to shiver as the cold night air made its way into your jacket. You couldn’t stay here. You knew you couldn’t; it wasn’t safe. You looked at your phone for the tenth time. A single contact stared back at you.

Hizashi Yamada.

Hizashi was your mentor, your guide… and quite frankly, the closest thing you had to a good father figure. He’d helped you through your years at UA, both academically and emotionally, giving you the support you’d desperately needed, the support that was painfully absent with your own family. He treated you kindly and respectfully, taking you under his wing so that you could flourish. He praised you in your successes and guided you through your failures, all while keeping a light heart that constantly reminded you not to take life too seriously. It set up the foundation for a strong bond between the two of you that continued after graduation. It was a bond that you still had, ever evolving with occasional check-ins and coffee shop meet-ups, where he often gave you professional and even sometimes fatherly advice.

Fatherly was what you needed right now, more than anything. He was the only person you really trusted, the only one who knew about your situation. He’d even said for you to call him if you were ever in trouble.

This counted, right?

Still, you hesitated. You didn’t want to inconvenience him. And you’d never ever reached out to him in this capacity before.

But you didn’t really have any other choice.

You pressed the call button.

It rang once. Twice.

“Y/N?” His voice answered. No doubt, your name came up on his phone.

You swallowed.

“Um… Hi, Mr. Hizashi…” you mumbled.

“Hey, kid! You okay? What’s got you callin’ so late?” he replied. You could hear the concern underlying his jovial tone, and you clutched your phone tighter to your ear, grateful to know that at least someone out there cared about you.

“I… I need some help.” You said. “They… they kicked me out.”

There was a silent pause. When he finally spoke, his voice was somber. “I’ll come get you. Tell me where you are.”

You thanked him and gave him your location. He kept you on the phone with him the entire time as he drove over, making you speak to him and describe your surroundings. Any people who walked by you, specific landmarks, anything he might need to know if trouble arrived before he did. When you finally saw his headlights pull up into the parking lot of the park, relief flooded you and you nearly ran to his car. He was a sight for sore eyes, his blonde hair pulled back into a casual man bun, his clothing simple. He stepped out of the driver’s side door to put your things in his trunk before opening his passenger door for you.

“Thank you.” You said as he settled back into the driver’s seat next to you.

“I’m glad you called me.” He replied.

As he drove, he spoke to you. “You don’t have anywhere to go, do you?” he asked.

Your vision blurred and you shook your head.

“Listen. I’m going to give you a couple of options for tonight. I can take you back to my place and you can crash on my couch. Or, if you’re not comfortable with that, I can reach out Nemuri. I’m sure she’d understand.”

You were grateful he didn’t offer to put you up in a motel by yourself or take you to a homeless shelter. The tension in your spine eased slightly.

“Um.. your place, please, if that’s okay…” you mumbled.

You could see relief smooth the creases on his brow and he smiled at you. “Of course it is.”

You arrived at Hizashi’s home and he helped you carry your things in. He retreated to his hallway to grab a spare blanket and a pillow and set it up for you on the couch. You looked at the space curiously, intrigued at his level of preparedness.

Hizashi noticed the questioning look on your face, and chuckled. “Shouta crashes here sometimes. Gotta be prepared.”

You gave a small chuckle at the mental picture.

“How about some tea?” Hizashi asked as he disappeared into the kitchen. You could hear the clinking of ceramics and the running of water. “Have ya had anything to eat?” He called out. “Are ya hungry?”

You shook your head, your stomach still twisted in knots. “No, I’m okay…”

“Well, if that changes, feel free to help yourself whenever you want.” He replied.

By this point, the dam of your emotions was beginning to crack, and you sat on the couch with your head in your hands. You could feel fresh tears filling your eyes, sticking to your lashes. You blinked at them, letting them fall into your palms.

A few minutes later, Hizashi returned with a cup of hot tea that he handed to you. You took it gratefully and sipped at its contents, letting the warmth coat your throat and fill your stomach. It helped to slightly ease the knot of anxiety that you felt twisted up inside you.

“I’m so sorry to ask for your help like this.” You muttered. “I’m sure this isn’t what you had in mind when you gave me your number. I just didn’t have anyone else to turn to.”

“It’s okay.” He replied. “Like I said, I’m glad you called me.”

“I promise I won’t stay long…” you said. “I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“You’ll stay as long as you need to. I’m not going to let you out back on the street by yourself.” He said sternly. “I’ll start reaching out to people tomorrow. I’m sure there are some UA graduates that might be cool with getting a new roommate.”

“Thank you.” You said again.

Another long silence filled the space as you sipped at your drink. He quietly sat near you, letting you acclimate to his space and this strange, new situation. Once the mug was empty, you set it down.

“So… do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked.

You began to recount all that had transpired hours before. The things your family did, the things they said… You tried to keep the emotions separate from your words, but it was impossible. Within a matter of minutes, the dam finally burst, and you were openly sobbing. As you cried, Hizashi offered you a box of tissues and put a comforting hand over yours. You clutched at it in return like a lifeline, his silent consolation tethering the broken pieces of your heart.

“I don’t know what to do now.” You whispered. “Hizashi… what’s going to happen to me…?”

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Together.” He replied.

You stared at him and he stared back, a small reassuring smile on his lips. He was such a good person. Already, he’d managed to give you more support in the past twenty minutes than you’d received from your family in months.

You gave a sad, ironic laugh.

“You’re like the dad I wish I had…” you muttered.

Hizashi’s eyes widened for a moment, and panic filled you. You hadn’t meant to say that; the words had just slipped out, a small confession of tired heart. But then he laughed and scratched the back of his head.

“Haha, really? Thanks! I guess we have gotten pretty close over the years…”

The tension in the room immediately evaporated. You gave a small smile, glad that your comment didn’t have the dramatic impact you feared it would. The man’s positivity seemed as immovable as the mountains.

Hizashi’s chuckles eased, and his expression softened. “To be honest, I always knew you had family troubles. When you teach long enough, you start to notice those kinds of things. And back then, there really wasn’t much I could do about it. But that’s part of why I wanted to help you, I think. To give you a chance to grow past that, so it wouldn’t define you.”

He stared at his hands as he continued. “I guess, maybe in some way, I did sort of adopt you, in my heart.” His eyes looked up at you again, holding your attention. “So, don’t feel bad about saying that, okay? If anything, it makes this old man’s heart happy.”

Your stared at him, your eyes freshly stinging as new emotions – happy emotions – bubbled forth.

“Hizashi….”

“Yeah?”

“Could I have a hug?”

He gave a chuckle and sat next to you before putting his arm around you. You leaned against him, soaking up the physical contact. It drove away the loneliness and replaced it with something you’d only ever really felt in his presence.

Love, strong and familial.

You had thought that you were all cried out, but you were wrong. Fresh sobs shook from your body like the boughs of a snowy tree, knocking loose all that you’d been carrying within yourself. The anger, the fear, the self-loathing…

Hizashi rested his chin on your head as you cried. “You are my family.” He said softly. “Only if you want to be, of course.”

You nodded fervently as a laugh bubbled from your throat, pure joy filling you. You were safe. You were loved. And maybe… just maybe… you were home.

#Arv's 500 Followers Event #Present Mic #Hizashi Yamada #Platonic!Mic x reader #family themes #angst to fluff #bnha #mha

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fireemblems24 · 3 years

Text

Chapter 16 Battle

Below is my random thoughts playing Ch 16. I may or may not have gotten embarrassingly emotional playing a certain route.

I'm playing all 4 routes as my "first route," so please no spoilers beyond this point.

Crimson Flower

As much as I'm absolutely dreading killing Rodrigue and Ingrid, I'm going to relish taking Cornelia out.

My very first move this battle - Felix kills his father. RIP Rodrigue. (Felix used the Crest of Fraldarius first, then crit him. Damn, I hope he's nicer to Ingrid).

Rodrigue and Felix's battle dialogue though :(

Oh, God, Ingrid's chosen to fight for Dimitri till she dies. I'm surprised how upset I am having to fight her. I mean, I always liked Ingrid, but I think I like her more than I even thought I did.

Linhardt just said "is any of this worth it?" Me too right now, buddy, me too.

Time for Felix vs Ingrid. She dodges his bow, then hits his ass with her batallion on EP. I'm proud of her.

God, you have no idea how happy I am that Ingrid called Felix out for betraying everyone - that she didn't forget Glenn. Because, I mean, Felix IS fighting for the team that killed his brother.

His rebuttal was so weak too. "You don't understand." No shit, Sherlock, that's why she asked.

Shit, Ingrid's dead :( that sucked.

God it felt good to kill Cornelia after that.

I really am not ready for Fhirdiad. Ingrid and Rodrigue were hard enough. I'm so not ready for Dedue and Dimitri.

But I think this is my last Crimson Flower level until I'm ready to play the last two back-to-back? I don't know about that. I may just want to get the next chapter over with.

OMG Felix was my MVP. His "motivation" is maxed out after killing daddy and Ingrid and preparing to off Dimitri. That's so cold blooded.

Silver Snow

Time to kill criminally underused dragon lady.

A rare sight - Lysithea having to hit something - twice.

Ok, so does my CF team suck? Or is there a steeper difficulty curve because it's shorter? CF Ch 16 wasn't hard, but everyone in SS is easily killing everything. Like this level is a legit joke to my SS team, but in CF I at least had to be cautious.

You know, I've talked about my SS!Ferdinand before, but my Lysithea and Sylvain are also both absolutely terrifying.

Oh no, Lorenz! He was one of my core SS units 😭(before he betrayed us).

Didn't people say he comes back if I kill him with Byleth or something? Not sure I need him anymore.

Should I? Just? Kill him? Because I can? Or be nice? I'm not even sure killing him with Byleth will work.

Anytime the enemy uses that firey wagon batallion and it misses it's so funny.

Oh, man, Lorenz was told fight for the Empire or die? He sounded so sad about fighting Byleth. I can't not try to spare him after that. Not sure if this is going to work.

OMG OMG IT WORKED! I don't have to kill him!!!! I can't, not after learning he thought he'd die if he didn't join the Empire.

This is the first chapter Ferdinand has actually been dancing. And the second I unleash him, double crits against an armored night. Man is bloodthirsty.

"Defeat boss" when the boss moves and is on a dragon sucks. Because every level is always and forever - route enemy.

Annnnd . . . . that's it. Killed everyone but Ladislava and only Bernie and Anna used their turns, so now it's just a matter how picking who gets the kill.

For the record, Linhardt got the final blow. I always feel bad making him kill, but he needed the experience points so . . .

Seteth just prayed for his enemies 😭

Verdant Wind

I already have Lorenz, so I don't have to "kill" him with Byleth this time.

Oh, wow, Ferdinand's on the map. Didn't see that at first.

Even if he wasn't an enemy commander, I'd kill him. Kill 'em all is just too much fun. I'm also less upset about killing him than I thought I'd be. I thought he'd be a much bigger deal than he actually is. He's a good boi and all, but I'm just not emotionally attached, and I thought I would be.

OMG, Claude. He's like - naw, just kill Acheron. He's a nuisance.

Acheron is really a meme though. He show up in some paralogue (I don't remember) and yeah I don't think we're supposed to take him seriously.

I find it mildly amusing that every noble who sides with Edelgard in the Alliance and the Kingdom either a.) have lands close to the Imperial border or are b.) the corrupt nasties.

Man, I even danced Lorenz so he could reach Acheron and no unique dialogue.

Lysithea is dumb. She one-shotted Ladislava.

Sometimes I think I forget just how hot Claude is.

RIP Ferdinand. At least his dialogue didn't make me feel guilty like Ashe or Ingrid did. His motivation was just inflating his own ego and his petty one-sided rivalry with Edelgard. He grows into a better person if he's recruited.

It's funny the last man standing was the Lorenz replacement lol.

Lorenz was my MVP, seems fitting.

Azure Moon

Alright, so a few people seemed hyped to see my chapter 16 reactions, and nothing worth hyping happened in the other routes (sans killing Rodrigue and Ingrid, but I've already made my feelings known about that). So it's got to be something in AM, but I kind of expected that.

Why does Rodrigue get dialogue, but I don't get to use him as a unit 😔

My AM gameplay every. single. time. Have Dimitri draw as much aggro as possible. End turn.

OMG.

😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE'S BACK.

OMG, Dimitri knows he's alive now. I can't.

OMG he got so hot. That hairstyle is much improvement. And those scars. And he's so tall. I forgot just how tall he is.

OMG he's going to be in the Monastery again. I'm spending every single fricken Professor Point tea timing him.

And all his supports. I finally get to see his A supports. 😭😭

He's got new quotes and everything 😭😭

Dimitri and Dedue fighting side-by-side again. 😭😭

It's been like since December when I last saw Dedue. 😭😭

And his first level up got like 6 points, including speed!

His "I will Break You!" quote is INTENSE.

Oh, right, Lorenz. I'll try to kill him with Byleth. Should be easy. My AM!Byleth is a pegasus knight so.

Lorenz's battle quote is so much more polite than Ferdinand's. I know I want to do a "kill em all" but I just can't after hearing Lorenz say that.

I am DYING to see what Dimitri and Dedue's dialogue is, but it's 12:13am, and I still haven't showered, and I gotta get up at 6am for work 😭😭

OMG lol looking at these. Everything else is so organized and AM's is just crying emojis and Dedue gushing.

#StanDedue 😭😭

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem 3 houses #fe3h #fe16 #😭😭#dedue molinaro #my boi is back #and he's okay #and hot

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pips-fics · 3 years

Text

ask: hii! can i request a minho when hes sick but hides it from the others? maybe he has food poisining or something but still goes to practise and the guys only find out that hes sick in the evening?:3 they are all worried and stuff. thank youu love youuu

ask: Can I request a sick and stubborn Minho, who pretends to be fine, but does he really feel very bad? (By the way, I love and value that you writing about Stray Kids, thank you so much for existing.)

——

minho was not the most emotionally available person in the world. nobody had ever said he was one to wear his heart on his sleeve. minho knew this, his family knew it, the rest of stray kids knew it, and most of the time, it was just fine that way. like all things, it was a matter of balance, and sometimes, just sometimes, minho took it a bit too far.

say, for example, the time he felt like death and decided to play it off until the problem just magically went away.

to be fair, a part of minho felt guilty, but his fevered brain couldn’t quite grasp why. he really just didn’t want to be more of a bother than he needed to be. there was nothing wrong with that.

and yet, a tiny little voice in his head said otherwise. it said that his members would be very upset by this train of thought.

he shrugged it off, unable to make sense of it, and went about his days as usual. if he had to make a couple extra trips to the bathroom just to make sure he didn’t throw up during the radio show or at practice… well, no one else needed to know. he hadn’t actually been sick most of the time, usually just done a long of sweating and shaking and gagging, so there really wasn’t anything to tell, anyway.

a few days passed that way, the pain gradually worsening throughout the day, and then lightening up by the next morning. minho had grown so used to the nausea that he hardly noticed it. he figured he was managing well, because no one had said anything about him being off, and if he noticed himself making a few more mistakes during practice than normal, at least no one else seemed to.

it wasn’t until five days after minho had started feeling off that he slipped up. so far, he’d gotten away with eating on his own most of the time, coming up with some excuse like wanting to watch netflix or something. a few times, when he’d had no way out, he’d just eaten as little as possible. granted, he’d been sick after, but he’d kept his problems to himself and that’s what mattered.

one problem was that he’d started getting shaky and lightheaded. another was that he hadn’t been able keep his own thoughts in order. and a third was that it was the end of the week, the end of a very long day, and he still felt like he was going to puke from having eaten more at lunch time than he should have.

and so, he couldn’t find an excuse to get out of extra practice. he had made more mistakes than normal throughout the week, and everyone else was going, so he let himself be whisked along with everyone else.

he was doing alright until they took a break, and whatever adrenaline was keeping him going until then vanished. his head started pounding and he thought if he stood any longer, he would faint, so he collapsed onto the floor. he couldn’t get his breathing under control.

“minho-hyung?” felix was looking down at him. “you okay?”

“i’m—“ he didn’t know what to say. he couldn’t really breathe.

“minho? what’s wrong?” chan placed a hand on minho’s shoulder and frowned.

“hyung, his forehead’s warm,” felix informed, the crease between his eyebrows deepening. the others were starting to crowd around, but seungmin reminded everyone to give them space, and minho was vaguely grateful. chan helped him sit up, a steady hand on his back.

“you should be able to breathe better sitting up.”

minho nodded and ducked his head between his knees, trying with everything he had to get himself under control. instead, he got very lightheaded, and then threw up on the floor between his legs. it came out in a rush, splattering his pants and shoes. minho felt tears prick his eyes and stubbornly refused to let them fall.

“okay,” chan said. “let it out, minho, it’s okay.”

it wasn’t like he had much of a choice. he was totally out of control of the rapid heaves caused by his convulsing stomach. after the first two waves, the amount of vomit coming up decreased significantly, but the nausea remained just as present. it just hurt more, when less came up. minho wished it would come up quicker, so he could just be done with it - and eventually it did. a projectile rush of sick, more ushered up as he heaved again in the middle, and he wondered if he could suffocate and die like this.

and then suddenly it was over. the nausea still lingered, but his stomach felt empty, once again. chan wiped sweat from minho’s face, and helped him lean back against the wall.

looking around the room, minho realized everyone else had cleared out.

“i told them to go ahead to the cars,” chan explained. minho nodded blearily. “hell, minho, you’re so thin… how long have you been sick?”

for some reason, that was the last straw, and tears started streaming down minho’s face. “i’m—“ he gasped, the tears more than he was prepared to handle. “i’m sorry, hyung,” he sobbed.

“hey,” chan cupped a hand behind minho’s head and pulled him into a gentle hug. “hey, i’m not mad, but minho, i need to know, i need to know that you’re okay. how long?”

“almost a week,” minho answered. “i— it wasn’t so bad at first, i didn’t throw up until two days ago.”

“fuck. so, what, you’ve just not been eating for a week? why didn’t you tell us?”

“five days,” minho corrected, his tears slowing. it was somewhat reassuring, telling chan what was going on. minho hadn’t quite acknowledged how scary it all was to himself, but seeing chan’s reaction, knowing someone cared and would help him figure things out… something in his chest warmed a bit. “and i just didn’t want to bother any of you. we’ve been so busy—“

minho stopped talking, looking at chan’s face. his expression was just: infinite sadness. devastation. regret. and maybe some guilt. minho didn’t want that. he started to protest, but chan held up a hand.

“minho, you are never a bother. i need you to know that. it’s true for me, and for everyone else in stray kids, and i’m sorry we didn’t make that more clear.”

“no, hyung—“

chan shook his head. “let’s talk about it more later, after you’ve had some rest, yeah?”

minho was exhausted. he nodded, and let chan support him to the parking lot.

the rest of the boys hadn’t even gotten in their respective cars yet.

“what are you all doing?” chan asked.

“we were worried, we wanted to wait for minho-hyung,” jisung explained, looking defiant. chan just chuckled.

“i’m okay,” minho said, managing a small but genuine smile. “or, well… i will be. i just, would like to go home, now.”

the rest of the boys expressed their agreement and piled into the cars, letting minho have his choice of seat, offering him water, and cuddles or some space - his choice. minho, for his part, was so exhausted that he was asleep before he even voiced a decision, but in the end it didn’t matter - he felt safe.

minho didn’t always have the easiest time being vulnerable. that was just a fact. but he thought, as he drifted off, that maybe next time it would be just a bit easier.

——

feel free to send more asks!

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shinsorokiri · 3 years

Text

UA Idol | Chapter Nineteen

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 5k+

Warnings: Language, cancer, talking about a past emotionally abusive relationship, mentions of sex, rlly awful older guy doing rlly awful things to a minor, sad Hitoshi Shinsou, mentions of alcohol

A/N: This one is literally the longest chapter I think I’ve written in my life ever. I know it’s still kinda short compared to what other people put out, but I’m really proud of it! Also, it is a little angsty, but I figured adding some background info was a must. I hope y’all enjoy it! Also, yes, I will also be uploading tomorrow as well, so woohoo. This is my Christmas gift to y’all hehe :)

───────────────────────────────────

Much to your disappointment, you eventually had to leave Hitoshi and Denki’s room. It just got “too late.” Of course, you would have loved to stay and just chill with Hitoshi, but Denki and Mina cannot know, and you guess you’ve been around him a bit too long for a friendly situationship. Maybe. You don’t really know what the boundaries for this situationshhip are when it comes to hanging out with each other. Whatever, though, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you need to get all of your preparations for your song all together immediately so you can make it easier for the band and sound and lighting designers.

So here you are, six in the morning, not sleeping, no, of course not. You’re too busy making a basic beat that you can show the band, sketching out some ideas for a light show, and counting each and every vocal cue that might need to be prerecorded and played. Of course, Mina is unconscious in the bed next to you, but that’s because she’s singing Positions by Ariana Grande, so a backing track will do perfectly, and the minimal dancing she’ll be doing will all be done by her. Besides, the two of you talked about it for a long time about her song and she’ll be one hundred percent fine. You, on the other hand, were just an anxious mess about the entire situation about to go down. Much to your expectations, you got a text notification from none other than Mr. Hitoshi Shinsou. Man doesn’t sleep, and the fact that he got so much sleep earlier today really fucked with him.

‘what are you doing right now’

‘trying to write down my lighting cues, why?’

‘come to the hotel roof, it’s a lot calmer and peaceful up here’

You can’t help but smile. Leave it to Hitoshi to be up ridiculously early. Then again, it’s not like the two of you really had anything to do tomorrow. Not anything big, anyway. It mainly consists of just telling the band and everyone everything, so going up to the roof wouldn’t be a bad idea. You grab your laptop and a notebook and head on up. Sure enough, Hitoshi is sitting near the edge, mindlessly strumming his guitar, and just gazing off to the ocean. “You should really get some sleep, you know. I mean it’s nearly 6:30 in the morning.” You tease as you sit down next to him. He smirks, shaking his head. “Sorry, I refuse to listen to someone who is also up at this hour by choice. So, politely fuck out of her with that shit.”

You gently push his shoulder with a chuckle before he starts strumming away again. “So, what’s up? Why are you awake at this hour?” he glances over at you and you sigh. “I’m just stressed about everything. I already have gotten super behind on schoolwork because of this and like yeah, technically I could just drop out this semester and go back for next but it’s just… super complicated and if I don’t get through to live shows… what am I gonna do?”

“You’re going to get through, kitten. I know you will. You’re amazing, stop doubting yourself.”

“You’re just saying that, Toshi.”

“No, I’m not. I’m being 100% serious.” He stops playing his guitar as he looks at you, a dead serious expression on his face. You sigh, shaking your head. “Thanks. I just always assume the worst, I guess.”

“I know you do. But based off of past experiences, it makes sense,” he says, looking away from you and back out at the ocean. You two would probably see the sunrise together. Romantic. You pause for a moment, before speaking again. “I never actually tell you about what happened with me and my ex, did I?”

Hitoshi pauses now. You never did tell him everything, just enough. And he kind of pieced together some things because of the songs you wrote about him, but he would kind of love to know more. Not like love, but he would like to know who the motherfucker who broke your heart was. “No. Just that he was older than you and the absolute worst.”

“Ah, yeah, well, that’s the basics.”

Hitoshi looks at you. “Would you want to tell me?”

You hesitate before nodding your head. “Yeah. Yeah, I would.”

“Then, I’m all ears.”

You nod, looking out at the stars before beginning, “So… when I was seventeen, I met… him. He was much older than me, like our relationship was not legal, which looking back on it now, I’m like, ‘wow (Y/n), you are such a dumbass for that,’ but I was young. I didn’t know that it was bad, so… yeah. But I certainly found out. At first it was great, I had an older boyfriend, I was edgy, everything was amazing. And then… well… I know now that it was gaslighting. Following that was manipulation, there was… a lot of emotional manipulation. For example, you call me kitten, or (Y/n) or my nickname. He would call me dumbass, stupid, loser, bitch, slut, all the bad things. And it wasn’t in an endearing way. It wasn’t like I’d do something stupid and he would laugh and be all, oh you’re such a dumbass. No. It was for everything. He would also treat me like a child. I was young, yeah, but he acted like he was all knowing, and I didn’t have any experiences with anything at all. Which, granted, I had very little experience, but… still. It was demeaning. It made me feel small and worthless, and he’s the worst for it.”

You pause for a moment, glancing over at Hitoshi. You see his eyes fixed on you; jaw clenched. You can tell he’s kind of… pissed at this guy. Which makes sense, I mean the two of you are now romantically involved, so why wouldn’t he hate your ex. It only makes sense. Especially since he was a dumpster fire of a human being. You look down at your lap, continuing on.

“I fell in love with him, though. That’s why I let it go on for so long because I was like, well, we love each other, so everything will be fine. And that’s partially why I lost my virginity to him. I mean, that was… a whole other ordeal. Once again, I was seventeen, he was very much older, it was just… it was very illegal and bad and well… yeah. And when I was like, ‘oh, but you’re older than me isn’t that bad?’ he was all, ‘age is just a number, baby. We can do whatever you want,’ and my naïve ass fell for it. And from that moment on I thought there had to be something special about me. And well… after almost two years of us being together, I found out he was cheating on me. And it kind of destroyed me in a way. And… yeah. He’s the worst.”

Hitoshi is silent for a moment. Only because he doesn’t trust what might come out of his mouth. This man lied to you, manipulated you, hurt you, cheated on you???? What the actual fuck is wrong with him. Not to mention the whole grooming thing he did to you. What the fuck was that. “Well, I’m just going to let you know this now.”

Hitoshi starts talking but pauses to turn and face you completely. “If I ever meet this guy, I’m beating the shit out of him. Badly. And then I’m going to ruin his life by letting the police know that he coerced a minor into having sex with him. That’s what your whole ass song Seventeen is about, so it’s not like it would be a random story.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right about that, but I think he’s out of my life now. Sometimes he tries to slide back in, but he hasn’t tried for six months now, so yay. All time high record.”

“Next time he contacts you let me know and I will literally send him a video of me like, going down on you or something. I’ll flip him off the whole time.”

You laugh at that but can’t hide the flustered feeling you get from the thought of Hitoshi doing that. You wouldn’t complain if he did do that, though. “My knight in shining armor.”

“You know it,” he says, flashing a smile at you. You roll your eyes, laying down on the ground. He watches you for a bit, just staring at you as your eyes are closed for a while. “But in all seriousness. I’m really sorry that happened to you. He’s definitely the worst and you did not deserve to go through that. I’m sorry you did.”

“It’s… well, it isn’t really okay, but that’s okay. It’s okay for something to not be okay, you know?”

“I know… I definitely know that. And I’m really sorry that asshole completely ruined an emotion like love for you. You deserve so much better.” You open your eyes at that, giving him a sad smile. “Maybe I’ll get over it someday. But yeah. I wish he didn’t do that, but he really did. I guess I’m just afraid of getting hurt again.”

“I understand completely,” Hitoshi nods, staring back out at the stars meeting the ocean. Suddenly his phone buzzes, causing him to look down at it. “Oh, yeah. It’s like 10:45 over in Japan right now,” he mumbles, unlocking his phone to message his mom back. “Oh? I didn’t realize you were so popular that even in a different country your phone would be blowing up,” you tease him, and he chuckles before giving you the middle finger. “I’m not, my mom is just worried I’ll get alcohol poisoning and die here.”

“Don’t tell her about last night, she’ll shriek.”

He smiles, knowing that she definitely would. That’s when he realizes he’s never really told you about his mom. And that’s just not fair since you basically just poured your heart out to him about your shitty ex. Time to let you know. “She definitely would, and then the nurses would grill me out next time I went to see her.”

“Nurses?”

“Oh, yeah. I never told you, did I? My mom basically lives in the hospital at this point. I mean, not really, but she has to be there a lot for the chemotherapy treatments. She was always a sickly woman, but six months ago she was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. And, well, they gave her at least three years.” Hitoshi pauses for a moment. The news still makes him emotional, so he’s fighting back the emotions surfacing in him right now. Or at least he’s trying to, but you make it really hard. Especially since you’re immediately wrapped around him. He lets out a shaky sigh before giving you a teary smile. “It’s not okay, but it’s okay for it to not be okay. My dad passed away when I was seven because of an accident on the job, so my mom raised me. Even when I made it nearly impossible, she was always there. So, yeah. It’s… it’s hard. It was hard losing someone I loved when I was a kid, and it hasn’t gotten any easier.”

You don’t say anything at first, just gently push his head into your shoulder. You gently rub his back as you two sit in silence. You know that he’s crying silently, so you just stay there before you break the silence. “I’m here for you, Hitoshi. You can always talk to me about everything going on.”

He nods, setting his guitar to the side, and fully wrapping his arms around you. You run your fingers through his hair to try and help him out. You’ve had a shitty relationship, but that can never compare to Hitoshi’s situation. You could never imagine losing people you loved. At this point, it seems like that emotion just does more harm than good for everyone. No wonder the two of you never want to deal with it again. You’re afraid of getting hurt by someone you love again, and Hitoshi is afraid he’ll lose someone he loves since it seems to keep happening.

The two of you stayed like that for quite some time, until you noticed the sky beginning to lighten up. “Toshi, look. The sun is rising.”

He pulls himself out of your arms but makes sure to keep one of his around you as he pulls you closer to him. You lay your head on his shoulder and he lays his head on top of yours as the two of you watch the sun rise over Los Angeles. You never thought you would ever see this sight, but it’s certainly beautiful. “(Y/n?)”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For listening. And for comforting me. I haven’t really been able to talk about it with anyone.”

“What about Denki?” you ask, shifting your head and looking up at him. He lets out a chuckle. “I’ve talked about it with him, yeah, but I don’t know. It’s nice having a change of pace and being able to talk to someone else about it, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know. The only person I ever talked to about my guy problems is Mina, so it was really nice talking to you about this stuff.”

He grins. Even though he just reminded himself of the fact that his mother is sick, just the mere fact that you were there with him was enough to make him feel a little bit happier. “What do you say we go to bed now? It’s seven in the morning and we have work to do tomorrow,” he mumbles, and you nod. You would be lying if you said you weren’t tired. Hitoshi stands, extending his hand to you which you happily take. “Too bad we can’t sleep in the same bed again. Mina and Denki will definitely know something is up,” you say with a sigh as you gather up the things you brought to the roof. All of it went untouched, but maybe that was for the better. You were stressing out too hard and your notes probably weren’t even comprehensive. He grabs his guitar and frowns. “Yeah. That really sucks, I like having you with me while I sleep.”

“And I like having you with me,” you say, opening the door that took the two of you to the roof. You both walk silently to his room first since it’s on a higher floor, and he quickly gives you a peck on the lips as a goodnight… er, good morning? Doesn’t matter, he disappeared into his room as quickly as he did it, just leaving you grinning in front of his door like an idiot.

You quietly walk into your room, being extra careful to not wake Mina even though she wouldn’t wake up if you screamed directly in her ear. You settle into bed, hugging a pillow close to your body and pretending it’s Hitoshi. It does help that your pillow still smelled like him from the night before, too. Lavender and Eucalyptus. Not a scent you ever expected to find extreme comfort in, but here you were.

Waking up was confusing, since you literally had no idea when you even fell asleep. You wake up around 10:30, exhaustion immediately making itself felt. “You didn’t sleep because you were stressed last night, huh?” Mina asks, sitting on her bed with her headphones on. You shake your head no, letting out a big yawn as you do. Mina sighs, shaking her head before shutting her laptop. “Do you need to sleep in more? I can call Denki and we can go give our information to the band and designers if you would want to sleep in.”

“No, I need to get my information to them earlier rather than later,” you mumble, pulling yourself out of bed and going over to get clothes on for the day. “Whatever you say, but I’m definitely not coming back to the room afterwards and I’m definitely forcing Denki to go to the beach with me because I don’t really want to go alone and I know he’s weak and would never be able to turn me down, so knock yourself out when I’m gone. Literally. Please.”

You laugh at that but nod regardless. That would be very nice, being able to just take a nap while she was off sitting in sand and staring at scantily clad women on the beach. But before you can look forward to that, you need to go tell the band and designers what you need for soundcheck tomorrow and then for the actual performance. You grab your laptop and shove it in a backpack as well as your various notes and look at Mina. “Are you coming too?”

“Oh, definitely. Of course.”

“Great. Is Denki coming?”

“He and Shinsou are already there, actually. Guaranteed it’s because Shinsou dragged his ass there before he had.a chance to protest, but we gotta go.”

You both leave your room, Mina calling an Uber as you make sure you have everything to make this exchange as easy as possible for all parties. “Okay, (Y/n), but seriously. What is up with you and Shinsou? Like, you don’t just fall asleep with someone while drunk, you know that, right?” she asks as the two of you wait outside for your ride. You roll your eyes. “Yes, you do. Especially if y’all are very close friends who happen to both be tired as hell and drunk as hell at the same time.”

“Oh, please. He was literally doting on you the entire time we were at the club. He definitely wants something more with you.”

“No, he really doesn’t. We already talked about all of… that stuff after you and Denki left the room and we thought we were dying. We were just drunk, and he wasn’t doting he was just making sure his friend was okay getting drunk in a new city in a new country.”

Mina narrows her eye at you from suspicion but decides that the story checks out and lets out a dramatic sigh. “I just want you to find someone, you know? I feel like it would help you with everything going on in your life.” “I don’t need someone else to be doing well, Mina. Believe me, I’m just fine on my own.”

“I know, I know. But still. It wouldn’t hurt to see you happy in a relationship.”

Your Uber arrives and the two of you hop in. You stare out of the window, trying your hardest not to fall asleep in this car as Mina chats the driver’s ear off. Luckily the drive isn’t too long, and you both head inside the theater you’ll be performing at. You walk over to the band, showing them everything you need. You even give examples of what you’re looking for, playing the guitar to get them familiar with it, the piano, bass, drums, all of it. And they are very grateful for it, because they have a shit ton of other contestants that they have to do this for, and not all of them are as nice or ready as you are. You thank them before going over to the designers and showing them the idea you had come up with for the performance. You let the sound designer know that your friends would be singing back-up and how you would like their microphones to sound throughout the performance, and then you move on to telling the lighting designer what you think would look cool. You spend at least twenty-five minutes just talking with them and bouncing ideas back and forth until you all settle on a light show and sound. You thank them again, and then turn to go back to the lobby.

You find Mina outside talking with Denki and Hitoshi, and as soon as she sees you, she waves you over. You walk over to them, giving Hitoshi and Denki a small wave. You were even more tired now than when you woke up, so talking exudes too much energy that you really need to save. “I told you she didn’t sleep at all. She’s definitely not going to the beach with us,” Mina says to Denki, her tone dripping with an ‘I-told-you-so’ attitude. Denki groans. “But we never get to do anything fun with (Y/n)! Not since the club.” “Are you saying hanging out in your room all together last night wasn’t fun?” Mina challenges and Denki goes silent. “Oh, yeah, I guess it was.”

“Listen, Denki, I think you should just let (Y/n) go home and take a nap. She obviously needs it,” Hitoshi cuts in, masking the concern he’s feeling for you with a dry tone and no expression. “I know, I know. Go back to the hotel and take a fat nap, (Y/n/n). I wanna hang out with you later today, alright?” You nod, getting your phone out to call an Uber back to the hotel. “I already called one, (Y/n/n), you can just ride with me,” Hitoshi says, and you nod. “Aw seriously? You’re not coming either?”

“Denki, I also did not get any sleep last night because I have insomnia, I would also like to just relax for a bit.”

“Okay, fair. But I mean it! We’re all hanging out later!” “Okay, but no drinking. I mean it. We have soundcheck tomorrow.”

“Fine.”

And with that, the Uber arrives and you and Hitoshi pile in. “We are going straight to my room and passing the fuck out because I had a horrible time trying to sleep without you last night, alright?” Hitoshi literally pouts, causing you to laugh. “Okay, okay, calm down. I’ll stop in my room to change into something more comfortable and then-”

“Nope. You’ll wear one of my shirts and a pair of sweatpants that I own, and we will go to sleep as soon as possible. We’re going straight to my room though, because if Denki and Mina burst into any room it’ll be yours.” “Fair point. Okay.”

“Good.”

He wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to him as your Uber driver winds through traffic. You arrive at the hotel pretty quickly, and you both head on up to his room. He throws some clothes at you and you go in his bathroom to change before coming out and curling up under his covers and into his arms. He pulls you closer to him and pretends like he wasn’t just affected by seeing you in his clothes, but boy oh boy he was. He would like to see you like that more often, to be honest. But he probably wouldn’t, and he knew that, he just kind of really hoped he would. “G’night, Toshi,” you mumble, falling asleep immediately. He chuckles silently, carefully and gently tracing patterns on your back. He got very lucky, and he knows it. Even if you two aren’t dating, he has a cuddle buddy and a music buddy and a kissing buddy who he really really likes. And not like in just a romantic way because he definitely does and he’s doing his best to make sure that feeling doesn’t turn into… something more, but also like in just the fact that you allow him to be himself. It’s amazing, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He falls asleep fairly quickly, too, and you two take a cute little four-hour nap.

You wake up at two in the afternoon to see Hitoshi already awake and staring at you. “Good morning, kitten,” he says, his ‘I just woke up’ voice very much evident. “Morning,” you mumble, burying your head back into his chest. You feel the vibrations of his laughter in his chest, and grin. “When do you want to actually get up?” he asks, going back to rubbing your back. You shrug. “Probably soon. It is the afternoon, so.”

“Yeah. You’re right there. Do you maybe want to go meet up with Denki and Mina? Go grab some lunch and stuff?”

“Yeah, sure. Why not.”

The two of you get up, Hitoshi changes while you stretch out a bit then you head down to your room so you can actually appear presentable as well. You throw Hitoshi’s clothes in your suitcase, saying you’ll give them back to him later but honestly? You had no desire to give them back. They were too comfortable, and they smelled too much like him. They belonged to you now. He had a hunch that was what you were doing, but he honestly didn’t mind. He brought more casual shirts and sweatpants with him on this trip anyways, you could keep them if you wanted to. And you wanted to. And he lowkey wanted you to, too. You text Mina, asking where they are, and she answers right away. “Looks like they’re at some beachside restaurant, let’s go,” you say, calling an Uber yet again to get to the restaurant.

When you arrive, Mina and Denki are already a few drinks in, so they were far too excited to see the two of you. Luckily, there were sober people there to make sure they don’t try to annoy the two of you into drinking. Kirshima, Bakugou, Jirou, and Momo are all there, too. Four new people are there as well, the boy with the messy green hair, the really cute brunette girl, the guy who looks like and definitely is a stoner, and the edgy guy whose hair is dyed half white and half red. You two are introduced and you learn that their names are Izuku Midoriya, Uchako Uraraka, Hanta Sero, and Shouto Todoroki. You learn that Sero and Kirishima became friends after getting stuck in the elevator together. You also learn that Uraraka is friends with Jirou and Midoriya and that’s how he and Todoroki ended up coming. Another thing you learn very fast is that Midoriya and Todoroki have fat crushes on each other, but apparently, they aren’t dating yet. It’s kind of cute watching how flustered they get with each other, honestly. You end up hanging out with all of them for the rest of the day, occasionally getting filmed by a UA Idol camera crew going around to catch what the contestants are doing on their days off. It was actually really fun. You got to know these new people and you really liked them, they were super cool. And it was a nice way to destress.

You never expected to make so many new friends, all from different places. This competition is giving more opportunities and friendships to you than you expected it to, but hey. You were NOT complaining about it. It was also funny to see the different dynamics everyone brought to this little hang out. Bakugou would call everyone and extra or a dumbass, but when it came to Kiri he was softer and somehow gentle with him. It was hilarious to hear him call Midoriya a piece of shit waste of space and then immediately go mom mode because Kirishima said something he ate made him feel a little bad. And then Midoriya was equally as hilarious. He was this cute little positive boy covered with freckles and smiles, but the minute that Bakugou would be rude he would somehow insult him on his biggest insecurities without batting an eye. You don’t know how he did it, but if it weren’t for Kirishima and Todoroki you’re pretty sure they would have gotten into a fist fight. Uraraka was very similar to Midoriya in that regard, whereas Todoroki was very bad at picking up social cues and kept a cool and calm demeanor through anything. Of course, Jirou and Denki were flirting the whole time, but the way she flirts is by being mean, which Denki lowkey loves. And Momo and Mina are getting along very well, they’re kind of exact opposites which makes them work nearly perfectly.

Just hanging out with them was ridiculously fun, and you really hoped that this wouldn’t be the last time. Based off of all of their performances that you had seen, they all would be able to get through to live shows. You just wondered if you would be able to pull of getting to the live shows. Luckily for you, every time you got lost in thought, Hitoshi would subtly squeeze your hand to pull you back into reality. At this point, you don’t know what you would do without him. And that scares you too. Not because of the growing feelings you have for him, because they aren’t there, duh, but because if he makes it through and you didn’t, you would have to go back to Japan without him. And that’s the worst thought because you know he’ll make it. And you know Mina and Denki will too. You’d like to believe you will, but will you really? Your phone suddenly buzzes, and you look at it to see a text from… Hitoshi?

‘kitten, the anxiety is radiating off of your body. just relax, okay? i know you’re nervous but everything will be okay, i promise. besides, everyone at this table is here for you and feeling the same nerves you are. for now, just try to relax and enjoy this time. oh, and i’m also buying your food. sorry not sorry’

You grin a bit, especially since immediately after you read it you feel your other hand get squeezed in reassurance. He really knew how to make you feel better. And even going into the next day, he was constantly reassuring and helping you. And you were doing the same for him. Soundchecks were now going on, and while you were nervous, you weren’t as nervous anymore. You had watched Mina go already, as well as Denki, Kiri, Bakugou, and Uraraka. Now, it was Hitoshi’s turn, which meant you were up there, singing harmonies with him. His soundcheck went really well, they set everything for him, and he was good to go after two runs of his song. Then you were up. Now don’t get it wrong, even though you were less nervous doesn’t mean you weren’t nervous at all. Quite the opposite, actually. You were still worried things would go wrong, but you know that if that’s a thing then it’ll get fixed. You just really care and want everything to be okay. And it was! Soundcheck went really well, the lighting show was great, your microphone was adjusted, the band knew exactly what to do, you knew exactly what to do everything went perfect! And you were very happy about it.

“I told you everything would be fine,” Hitoshi says to you after your soundcheck is over. You roll your eyes and stick your tongue out at him. “I can’t control my nerves sir.”

“I know, but I still told you everything would be fine. Do what you did today tomorrow, and you’re guaranteed a spot in the live shows.”

“Well, thank you, but you do know that same statement applies to you, too, right?”

“Mmmm, no I could have done better.”

“Hitoshi Shinsou, I swear to GOD.”

He laughs at your tone and the look on your face, putting his hands up in defeat. While the two of you were talking, Midoriya leaned over to Mina and asked the golden question that everyone wanted to know. “So, are they a thing?” “I wish I knew Midoriya,” she whispers, and Denki joins in. “They won’t let up on the idea that love is bullshit, so here they are, dating without actually dating and ignoring any and all assistance we try to give them.”

“Huh… is this what Todoroki and I are like?”

“Yes.” This time Uraraka butts in, sending Midoriya a glare. He instantly turns bright red, causing Denki to bite back a laugh. “Just ask him out, bro. You know he’ll say yes,” Denki says, patting him on the back. “Yeah! And that way, the three of you can join the groupchat we have devoted to spying on them and plotting to get them in a relationship!” Uraraka snaps her head towards Mina so fast that she probably should have gotten whiplash from it or something. “That’s a thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Why am I not in it yet?”

And that’s how Uraraka got in the group. But not Midoriya. He only got in after he asked Todoroki to be his boyfriend. Now there were two secret operations going on, and both parties were literally completely oblivious to everything going on between each other. Funny how that works.

For you and Hitoshi though, the focus was mainly on the competition. The final round of Hell Week was tomorrow, after all. No matter what happened, your lives were definitely about to change.

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whentherewerebicycles · 3 years

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Hi! I really hope this isn’t overstepping but I don’t know any grown up lesbians irl (I mean I’m 23 so I guess technically I’m a grown up but for the purposes of this question it doesn’t count). Anyway, you can delete this if you want, but here’s the sitch: I met this girl like 9 months ago at work and first we hated each other and then we became friends and then we started hooking up but just as friends. I’m leaving this job in a few weeks and moving across the country, and I’m having all sorts of complicated feelings about this. Like, I don’t really want to date her, but we haven’t hooked up lately and i think I’m experiencing that as a kind of rejection of me as a friend even tho we’re still friends and do friend stuff together, just minus the kissing. And those rejection-feelings are making me sad. And I guess my question is, since you seem like someone who is really good at processing emotions and sort of regulating your responses—how do I do that? Like how do I become okay with things, especially things that I didn’t think would happen? I’m sorry I know that’s really broad and not really an answerable thing but if you have any advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you

aww it's not overstepping! i am happy to be a Grownup IRL Lesbian in this situation, although yknow take everything with a grain of salt as i am just one person and this is just one perspective. it sounds like there are a couple things at play here... one has to do with communication between the two of you and one has to do with emotional self-regulation. the communication piece i have historically been less adept at handling than the emotional self-regulation piece, but i have a best friend who is very good at it, and i feel like i have learned a lot from watching her navigate these kinds of emotionally sticky situations. so i will tell you what i think she would do -- and i will also tell you that historically, while communicating clearly with people has not always gotten her the outcome that she wanted, she always seems to feel a LOT better for having done it, and it clears the way for her to do the emotional self-regulating part more easily without having to also wade through lots of emotional projecting / attempts at reading the other person's mind.

it sounds like the way this relationship started (because it IS a relationship, even if it's not a capital R relationship) may have laid the groundwork for what's happening now. you say you hated each other at first, so you probably didn't feel comfortable or at ease around each other, and you may have established a pattern of not treating each other with special consideration or thoughtfulness (even if you aren't outright antagonistic towards each other). i'm also assuming (though correct me if i'm wrong?) that the transition into being friends who hook up probably wasn't discussed much at the outset or was treated as a casual thing that didn't need a lot of communication or clear boundaries (since it wasn't a capital R relationship). that kind of thing happens! i think it especially happens in your early 20s (and maybe also in situations where the two women involved don't have a lot of experience dating women or navigating that tricky 'are we friends or...?' kinda thing). but, again, it seems like it might be laying the groundwork for what's happening right now, where one person has withdrawn without explaining why, and the other person is left feeling rejected or confused about what's happening. it also doesn't sound like you think of this as something that could be resolved between the two of you -- you're asking for advice on how to manage your own feelings about the situation, rather than advice on how to address it with her.

from ten years of observing my best friend, i have found that she tends to operate according to the following principles:

ask the person in advance if you can have a conversation with them about something that's bothering you (instead of springing it on them in a social situation when they're not expecting it). it doesn't have to be a big serious We Need to Talk thing. you can make it clear that you're coming into it from a casual, friendly, 'can we try to work this out together' place, not from an attacking place (so as to avoid making the other person defensive)

have the conversation in person instead of over text (it's awkward but trust me TRUST ME it's better)

don't assume that you know what the other person is thinking or why they're acting the way they are. use "I" statements and try to frame things in ways that defuse tension and don't put the other person on the defensive. in your situation, you could say something like, "hey, so, I've noticed that we aren't really hooking up anymore. i respect your choices, and i'm completely okay with that if it's what you want to do. but i've been feeling kind of mixed up and sad about it, i was wondering if we could talk about what the next few weeks of our friendship are going to be like." you can also ask open-ended, nonjudgmental questions: "would you feel more comfortable not hooking up anymore, since i'm about to move?" "would you still like to hang out even if we're not going to be hooking up?" and you can voice your own preferences too - "i'd really like to keep hanging out, but it would help me feel better/more secure to know what you're thinking re: hooking up again," or even "i think it's getting harder for me to separate my feelings about the friendship from the hooking up - i think it might be better for us to stop hanging out."

think about what you want the result of the conversation to be -- not necessarily your most desired outcome, but what your priorities are re: the relationship and your personal needs for closure. you can go into a conversation hoping for a certain outcome ("i hope she says it was just a mistake, apologies, and says she wants to keep hooking up until i leave") but you have no control over whether or not you get that outcome, and you may just be setting yourself up for disappointment. what you can do, though, is set priorities for yourself, so that in the conversation, you are making choices or discussing things in a way that aligns with those longer-term goals. an example of that kind of priority might be something like - "I don't really need to keep in touch with this person after I move, but I want to leave on a good note - so I want to prioritize keeping the conversation positive and friendly, without either of us resorting to the animosity we used to feel towards each other when we first met." or you might set a priority like, "I actually do want to maintain this friendship in some form, and to do that I need to feel like we can be comfortable enough with each other talking to each other openly. I don't know how she'll respond or if preserving the relationship will be important to her at all, but I want to prioritize clearly sharing my own needs and feelings, giving her the opportunity to respond in kind, and modeling what i hope our friendship could look like going forward." getting clear in your own mind about your priorities in advance is different from attempting to emotionally project onto the other person or to control/manipulate their actions in some way. it's something that prepares you to communicate well with another person, but at its core it's an emotional self-regulation strategy -- a way for you to check in with yourself and decide in advance what your 'values' for the conversation are going to be. in the middle of the conversation, you may start feeling defensive, angry, hurt, rejected, or some other Big Feeling that causes you to want to react instinctively and impulsively, or makes it more likely that you'll cave on something you don't really want to cave on. doing some of this thinking beforehand gives you something to refer back to when you're feeling emotionally overwhelmed in the middle of a difficult conversation.

remember that you can only regulate the way you act and respond in a situation. so your priorities can be not just about your hopes for the tone of the conversation or the longer-term outcomes, but also about how you want to respond if things don't go well. poor communicators often tend to interpret attempts to openly, directly communicate or to set boundaries as an attack of some kind or an attempt to manipulate the situation. if she's not a very good communicator, it's possible that she might respond negatively to your attempts to have a calm, direct conversation -- whether it's by lashing out, dismissing or invalidating your feelings, changing the subject, stonewalling you, or trying to turn the situation around on you to make it somehow your fault. remember that if someone is violating your boundaries or making you feel shitty about yourself, you can always leave the conversation. it's not you failing as a communicator -- it's that the other person just isn't able to communicate with you in a healthy, productive way. i feel like when i was first dating women (and navigating breakups or complicated conversations like this one), i used to get sucked into these long, drawn-out processing conversations, which would sometimes last for hours and could be really painful. and i always used to think that to communicate well, or to be a respectful partner, i owed it to the other person to sit there and listen to everything they wanted to say to me, even if it was really cruel or was upsetting me. or if i was breaking up with someone, i owed it to them to answer every single angry or hurt question they asked me, because i was "hurting" them by breaking up with them, and so they were entitled to hurting me back or to dragging me through hours of processing. but that is NOT the case. not to traffic in stereotypes too much, but i think that women are socialized to feel like extensive emotional processing is always required / necessary, that we owe other people our undivided emotional energy and time, and that setting reasonable boundaries or calmly stating our needs is somehow "hurting" or inconveniencing other people in some way. this is simply not true. you have an ethical obligation to respect other people's autonomy and human dignity, and you have the right to expect that they communicate with and treat you with that same basic respect. watching my bff communicate has helped me realize that setting healthy boundaries (and then clearly demonstrating that you will honor those boundaries, by removing yourself from the situation if they are violated) is a way of showing respect to yourself and can also be important for the other person to see. like, way too often poor communicators are rewarded for poor or immature communication by getting what they want from the other person -- whether it's wanting the other person to fight back, or seeing the other person be visibly hurt/filled with self-doubt, or successfully manipulating the other person into doing what they want. every time you let people violate your boundaries, you positively reinforce the idea that emotionally manipulative or disrespectful behavior gets them what they want. by choosing to leave, or knowing where your own emotional boundaries are and having a plan for what you'll do if they're violated, you can protect yourself while also avoiding inadvertently providing that positive reinforcement. btw i don't necessarily anticipate that all of this stuff will be relevant in your situation! but i think it's good to keep in mind, especially if there's a history of antagonism there in the early stages of your friendship. also it's just good Lesbian Dating 101 knowledge to have in general, i think! again, not to generalize too much, but i think that women dating other women can be especially prone to really complicated, painful, emotionally manipulative dynamics, in part because our society teaches women that it is dangerous, unattractive, pushy, selfish, etc to clearly express our feelings/needs and enforce healthy boundaries. not to mention that lesbians and bisexual

women are also more likely to have issues with internalized homophobia, shame, etc, which may cause us to develop lots of maladaptive coping mechanisms, which in turn can further distort our ability to be honest with ourselves about our feelings/needs and to clearly communicate with others. so yknow! as you continue to date and sleep with women i think it's good to be working on your shit while also being attuned to signs that someone else is working through (or avoiding working through) their own shit.

also remember that, while it's good to be prepared for worst-case or most stressful outcomes, it's also very possible that having an open, nondefensive, nonjudgmental conversation with her will work! it's very possible that it will go well, that you will work things out in a way that makes you both feel better about each other and about the situation, and that she will take your good communicator cues and respond to you with the same openness and respect you are extending to her. so i wouldn't go into it expecting things to go badly!

anyway to sum all of that up: i do think that my advice would first be to try having a conversation with your friend/casual partner -- and i would especially recommend approaching this conversation not as a Huge Emotional Thing but as a good, low-stakes situation where you can practice your open communication skills! the fact that you are moving in a few weeks imposes natural parameters around this situation, so you don't have to worry about, like, seeing her at work for years to come, or moving in the same social circles as her. i think that can kinda free you up emotionally to take a communication 'risk' or to try something that's a little bit outside of your comfort zone. and whether that conversation goes well or not so well, the experience of reflecting on your priorities for the conversation, making choices in the conversation that align with those priorities, and reflecting back on how it went afterwards can be a really good, really important learning experience. if you can start practicing these things at 23, you will be SO far ahead of where i was at that age, lol, and you really will benefit from having these strategies in your relationship/friendship toolkit.

to get to the question of emotional processing and self-reflection, though, here's how i think i would handle this situation.

first and most importantly: make space for yourself to feel the bad feelings. don't try to downplay or compartmentalize or dismiss what you're experiencing. if you feel sad, rejected, and confused, make space for yourself to really feel those feelings and to acknowledge to yourself that they are real, and they hurt. i often do this in writing (private writing rather than tumblr writing) but i also do it out loud, and i find that saying it aloud can really help me feel that sense of relief/release. a couple months ago a thing happened that really bothered me & made me feel very ashamed and small and embarrassed. and i just spent that morning in my apartment writing through the feelings, and then saying aloud to myself: "I feel really bad right now. I feel really embarrassed, and I feel shame - ie I'm not just embarrassed about something I did; I feel embarrassed right now by who I am as a person. It feels really bad. It makes me feel really small. It stirs up a lot of painful past memories where I've felt like this before, and it's really hard for me right now to not link this situation to those past situations, and to tell myself a story about how I have always been the kind of person other people perceive as too much."

you will absolutely cry a lot, if you are anything like me! but it is a good, cathartic kind of crying. It doesn't exorcise or expel those feelings, but putting them out there in the open allows you to look at them clearly, and to put them outside of yourself instead of doing the shame thing where you repress them and internalize them. internalized shame, for me, always feels like it is literally internalized in my body. repressing or avoiding voicing feelings of shame doesn't make it go away; it just gets internalized as physical tension, like literally stored in my muscles (tight jaw, hunched shoulders, constricted chest, etc). voicing the feeling aloud and letting yourself cry through it (or however you let yourself process big painful feelings) releases that tension, and means that i don't literally "carry it" in my frame like i used to.

when i've let myself feel the big feelings, i start doing something that i think of as bathing myself in acceptance and compassion. this is kind of a metaphor, but i also try to use it as a visualization, kinda? i think of shame and feelings of rejection are emotional experiences that flood my body/mind/senses. so i try to visualize acceptance and self-compassion in a similar but slightly different way. flooding is so violent and is something you have no control over. bathing can similarly 'drench' you in a whole-body feeling, but for me it has connotations of consciously chosen tenderness and care. instead of opening the floodgates of negative feelings, you are choosing to gently care for yourself, to bathe yourself in acceptance and compassion. if i am really really upset about something, and am really having a hard time with shame-flooding, i will sometimes sit in a quiet place somewhere, close my eyes, and actually say those words aloud to myself -- I am bathing myself in accepting and compassion. I am bathing myself in acceptance and compassion -- as I try to visualize those feelings of compassion, permission to feel what i feel, and nonjudgmental acceptance just gently washing over me, again and again. i usually cry some more! i am a big advocate for crying all the time as part of healthy emotional processing! but it really does seem to work, to soothe my flooded brain/body back to a state of calm equilibrium.

at this point, i usually am feeling calm enough that i can look at the situation again and think about it in a less visceral emotional-response way. i've cleared time/space for myself to feel the bad feelings, and then i've consciously chosen to honor those feelings and to make it clear to myself that i'm not going to judge myself harshly or critically, either for feeling what i feel or for whatever i did/failed to do in the original situation that prompted the bad feelings. doing that emotional processing work seems to allow me to reengage the prefrontal cortex and look more carefully at the situation. i tend to do a lot more writing (and some talking-aloud) at this stage, and i try to ask myself lots of open-ended, exploratory questions. when i was very upset and ashamed of the thing that happened a couple months ago, here are some of the questions I asked myself and spent time writing through:

why do I think that situation triggered such a strong emotional response in me?

what was i imagining the other person was thinking about the situation or about me? what are some reasons that upset or distressed me?

i noticed that i started immediately linking this situation to past situations where i've felt the same way. is it possible that the intensity of my response might have less to do with this specific situation, and more to do with other situations it reminded me of?

when i was awash in those shame feelings & linking the situation to past situations, what kind of narrative was i constructing about myself? what story was i telling myself about the kind of person I "am" or have always been?

looking at the same set of facts, can i construct an alternative story about who i am/have been? my initial narrative was really focused on my negative traits and negative past experiences. what would it look like to tell myself a story that centered the ways in which i've grown and changed, or a story that incorporated both traits i like in myself and traits i am less proud of? what might those alternative stories offer that my original story left out?

what could i learn from this experience? without resorting to self-criticism or self-judgment, are there things i might want to do differently when i find myself in this situation again? what choices could i make that might better align with my values or my understanding of the kind of person i want to be in the world? without shifting blame onto the other person, is there anything i can learn from the way they responded -- about how i want to treat others (or avoid treating them) when we're in some kind of conflict with each other?

i really cannot stress how crucial it is for me to actually carve out the time/space to do this kind of deep, sustained emotional processing. in my own emotional history, the things that i have struggled most to get over/move past/grow beyond are the things that i initially brushed off, or told myself were too trivial to feel bad about, or actively repressed because at the time they felt too raw and painful for me to look at or handle directly.

i was just thinking earlier this week about that whole embarrassing / painful experience, and sort of marveling at how easy it is for me now to think about it without feeling it like a wound, or without my mind instinctively trying to deflect or evade thinking about it. looking back at it, i can still see exactly why it caused me pain, and i can still remember/access what that hurt felt like. but i created space for myself to deeply process it -- that is, space to actually acknowledge the feelings; to extend acceptance and compassion to myself for what was past/over; to openly explore what the situation made me feel and why; and to reflect on what i could learn from the experience or take with me moving forward (ie, consciously choosing what i wanted to carry with me from the situation, instead of involuntarily carrying the shame, tension, etc in my body). and that processing allowed me to integrate that painful experience into my sense of who i am and how i relate to other people, in a healthy way that doesn't deny the pain but also doesn't let it become all-consuming, or assume outsize importance in the stories I tell myself about myself.

I'm sorry this got so long! i just really do enjoy and value getting to think aloud about this kind of thing, so thank you for the chance to do so. I don't know how much of this advice will be directly relevant to your situation! I think everybody processes things differently, and while we can learn from closely attending to other people's methods, we all have to figure out how to create and consistently practice healthy coping mechanisms that fit our individual temperament & emotional histories. but i hope that this at least gives you some starting points for thinking about how you might work through your own complicated emotional situation, in a way that feels healthy for you. i wish you the very best of luck!!

#mw #long post #communication #emotions!#just a lil snapshot of the inside of my brain #the jes emotional experience

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just-messing-around · 3 years

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Ann's relationships

Dad

Ann loves her dad, but her view of him and their relationship is kinda sad.

Example 1: Every time she got hurt bad enough to go to the hospital and the doctors and nurses asked if she was doing ok while they worked on her, her response was usually something around the lines of 'my dad dealt with way worse, so I know I'm actually doing fine. You can go focus on people who need you more right now, I can wait.' Even if she was in a lot of pain. This got way worse after he was attacked by Tomura Shigaraki and the Nomu.

'I'm fine, Dad dealt with way worse than this, I have no right to complain about this pain. I just need to stop the bleeding and my body will do the rest.'

So, yeah, he finally had to pull her aside and tell her to stop comparing her pain and problems to others' because she needs to stop treating herself and her health like that, her health is important and just because she saw someone survive worse doesn't mean she should put off getting help. She still has this problem, but she's working on it now.

Example 2: She doesn't think that it's her dad's job to comfort her or emotionally support her. She thinks that his job is to teach her how to be a hero and teach basic parent things.

So her dad's job is to teach hero stuff and answer questions about things like puberty. But most things involved with that can be dealt with using the Internet. Or sending a text to her mom, since she doesn't trust that her father can help her with puberty problems because of the body differences. Dude, girl, he's more informed about this stuff than you give him credit for. He's an intelligent person, he's not an idiot, you can go to him. But he's not exactly complaining about getting to avoid those talks.

Anyways-

She does not think it's his job to:

Comfort her when she cries anymore

Give her pep talks

Attempt to help improve her confidence, self image or feelings of worth

Anything like that.

Most of the time, if she feels like she needs him, she'll cling to a plush toy of his hero sona that her mom gave her when she was younger, hugging that tight while crying instead of going to him for help.

However, she can actually no longer do that, because she gave it to Eri as a gift when they met.

'He was a part of your rescue mission. Because of that, I figured that there's a chance that this toy might offer comfort if you need it? Or something? You can always come to me if you need comfort or anything, but I figured it might be nice for you to have this just in case you'd prefer to hug something instead of coming to a person? Or if you get scared and need something to hug at night? Eh....when I try to explain it, it sounds kinda lame. But the point is; I hope that this can make you feel better if you ever need it.'

Eri

She's definitely gonna think of her as a little sister. She doesn't exactly know how to be a big sister, but she's gonna try to be a good sister for her. She's gonna slip up sometimes, but she's trying. Eri can forgive any small mistakes because she can see that Ann really is trying.

Raised voice? Eri is temporarily hurt, but forgives her when she says sorry and understands that whenever she does that, it's because she's overwhelmed with physical pain, stress, fear or really tired, not really because of negative feelings towards her. Ann had to explain that once, but Eri understands now and they have an easy time getting right back to normal.

She gives Eri a bad gift? Such as a scary book or something? Eri knows she isn't trying to make her uncomfortable, Ann just isn't used to little kids and has to put more thought into what is age appropriate. She'll get her a picture book or a kid's movie next time.

Ann is understanding of Eri, too.

She tries to avoid touching her until Eri gives signs that she's comfortable with it because she doesn't know what kind of issues her past caused. Maybe she's scared of being touched? Because that thought crossed her mind, she decides to stick to 'air hugs' until Eri shows signs of being comfortable with normal hugs and has each of them hold one end of a ruler as a replacement for holding hands until she says she's comfortable with it.

She tries to let Eri know that she can come to her for anything and that she shouldn't be afraid to do so. Had a nightmare? You can tell her about it. Thinking about her past? Tell her about it if you're comfortable with it? Thinking about her fears? Tell her about it. Just in need of a shoulder to cry on? Eri can count on her!

Present Mic

They didn't get off to a great start. She snapped at him about the issues she had with the entrance exam (?) Like how a part of what decides on if the person gets into UA or not is how many robots the kid can take down. She expressed her extreme anger about how the test favors people with physical quirks such as super strength, destructive voices, ect, while people like her dad, her and anyone with similar quirks (like Shinsou) can very easily be passed up despite having powerful and useful quirks, just because they're put up against machines instead of living things.

But after she got calmed down and reminded herself that he doesn't have any fault in it, that he's pretty much just the announcer for the rules of a test that has existed for years, she says sorry and they manage to have a much calmer, meaningful conversation about quirks and issues in the tests that schools like UA use to decide who can be a hero or not.

After that, she keeps talking to him here and there and they start acting similar to friends after school hours. They share music, share opinions, she jokes about how it's funny that so many students have such difficulty understanding his English lessons, tells him about study sessions she holds to tutor those students so they can get better grades in his class, they talk about the lives that heroes might get stuck with, heroes they look up to, different forms of entertainment (she got him to pick up a horror book. He bailed on that pretty quick), ect.

They also like to speak in English when it's just them. Keeps them both brushed up, ya know? She often expresses confusion about new slang or sayings in America that her American friends use when they text or call, which Mic laughs at.

'Mic, what the Hell is a 'vibe check' and why do people get hurt when they're checked? This meme my friend sent just makes no freaking sense.'

They end up spending a lot of time together and she starts seeing him as a 2nd father figure, even respecting what he has to say if he scolds her for something instead of brushing it off.

She wants him and her dad to get together. She'd love to have him as an official 2nd dad.

He also manages to frequently bring out her silly side, getting her to smile, laugh and joke around a lot. He also manages to help boost her confidence here and there and he often manages to lift her mood when she's upset.

Shinsou

They end up dating. Yes, they end up dating before the episode where they had him join in on the hero classes practice, so she doesn't have a crush on him in that post, they're in a relationship and she's displaying positivity for her boyfriend. But the other students don't know that, so I guess it can appear as a crush to them.

Anyways-

She skipped the sports festival, sneaking off and watching it on TV instead, because she refused to take part because she was scared that villains where watching it on TV to study the students in preparation for an attack on the school. She didn't want them to study her, she wanted to be a surprise to throw off the villains if they attacked some time after. (This also paid off because when they went to take the license test, nobody knew what her quirk was. She was the only person in her class to have that advantage and she didn't even plan it because she didn't know what to expect for the test.)

She saw him on TV and decided that she wanted to try befriending him. She wanted to train their quirks together. She would give him permission to practice his brainwashing on her (but she wrote down some limitations of what he can make her do, so no boundaries are crossed) and he would give her permission to practice her quirk on him for extra practice after school hours (but she promised to not practice paralyzing any of his organs, for obvious reasons).

So they started practicing together, talking, she kept showing that she was impressed with his quirk and abilities, kept giving him praise and encouragement, then they started hanging out like normal friends, too.

Eventually, they developed romantic feelings for each other and got together.

She often perks up around him and plays and jokes around with him. She's happier with him.

She also loves to hold hands, hug and cuddle. She probably craves physical affection because she hasn't gotten many hugs since she moved in with her dad and decides to seek it out from her partner in romantic relationships.

Her happiness and excitement shoot through the roof when he gets to participate in the practice for a shot to switch into one of the hero classes, she was with him and her dad, giving a helping hand for his training and preparation. She especially liked helping him out with the capture weapon, because up to that point, she was the only student that needed one, so she was more than happy to help her dad with teaching him about it. Now she has a friend that matches her and her dad, so she thinks that's cool, too.

'Scarf Buds'.

Iida

She respects him, but that doesn't stop her from socializing with him as if he was just a normal classmate instead of the class rep. She shares her thoughts and opinions about him. For example; if he claims that he was tricked into being a commercial during the festival?

'Yeah, that was kinda your own fault. You went into that knowing everyone was gonna be aiming for each other's throats, yet you still allowed the person you where supposed to fight put a bunch of equipment on you. Don't treat her like she's a díck, she was just trying to improve her future in the best way she could think of. You could've easily avoided that situation, too, if you just used your brain a bit more. You refused to work with Deku during the festival, but you let someone you didn't even know put a bunch of stuff on your body before fighting them? Honestly; I thought you would have better foresight than what you displayed. Accept your mistake, don't blame her for trying to improve her future by showing off what she can build to help heroes.'

This type of behavior surprises him, but he is kinda grateful for the view points she offers. The things she says helps him, in a way and he respects her for the fact that she's not really hesitant when it comes to saying these things. A friend can let you go on normally, but a good friend will bring issues to your attention. I imagine he'll try not to fall for the same tricks in the future, but I think it would've been better if he had someone say something like that to him.

Deku

Normal. she thinks he's a decent friend, but often says things like 'Jesus, Deku. You're way too perfect. I don't mean that as a compliment. Being too perfect is....not really very wise. I dunno, maybe since you're aiming to be the new symbol of peace, it'll help put most of the population at ease, but still be careful with that, mkay? Being too perfect can make people like me not trust those types of heroes. I mean, I trust you, but only because I've gotten to know you a bit, you're not just some random hero symbol to me, so I can trust you. But maybe there's a way to fix this issue for everyone like me that don't know you? I dunno....'

Easy to say; she frequently confuses him.

She just can't get him to understand what exactly she means, but he still makes an attempt to understand.

Other than the confusion and occasional scolding of mistakes during things like the exam and running off to save people when he's not allowed to, they get along pretty well.

I guess it's safe to say that she's not exactly part of the 'Deku Squad' since she voices problems and issues that she might have with him and doesn't go along with all of his wishes and plans like the others end up doing. So, not part of the group, but still a decent friend.

Uraraka

She tries to support her in small ways. She makes her lunches and invites her to join in on her special meals (since she can't trust what everyone else makes due to her celiac disease, she always has to make her own, personalized meals) because she wants to make sure she always gets food. Her making lunches for her keeps her from having to pay for school lunches. She does this because she's worried about her financial situation. It's not pity, don't get it confused, she's just making an attempt to support her in small ways.

Todoroki

She asks questions about his family. She doesn't get much info, but she found out that his mother is stuck in a hospital. Because of that, she assumes that she's lonely and asks him to send her letters that she writes sometimes. Since she doesn't know much about her, the letters mainly talk about everyday school life with her son and that she hopes she can meet her someday, but assumes that the only visitors allowed are her family members, so she doesn't think she can visit. This is just her attempting to make someone feel less lonely. She really would be interested in a face to face meeting someday, but she's not sure if it'll ever happen, so she's not holding her breath or anything.

Hero class B:

She doesn't like too many of those students. It's not because Class A is 'better' than Class B or anything, it comes down to the individual's personality.

That girl that has vine hair and always looks like she's praying and saying things like someone should be punished for pretty much any type of sin (unless I've been hearing her lines totally wrong lately)? She doesn't really feel comfortable around her. She assumes that she's too judgmental or something. She's fine being in the same room with her, but she doesn't want to have meaningful conversations with her.

The mushroom girl? Well, she hates mushrooms. She just gets freaked out by the appearances of all the different mushrooms, she hates the texture of mushrooms in food-

So a person who loves mushrooms to her degree isn't exactly someone she wants to spend a lot of time with. Especially if they work mushrooms into their sentences like referring to people as toadstools (again, unless I've been hearing them completely wrong. I haven't been able to get the subtitles to work for these last few episodes I've watched).

Just keep those things and words away from her. Again, she'll be fine talking to her for a short while, but she'll be uncomfortable.

The guy that can merge into the shadows? She just thinks the things he says and how he says them is creepy sometimes. She could be friends with him, but she doesn't really have much interest.

That guy that copies quirks and goes on and on with talking bad about class A? She doesn't like him for obvious reasons, but has slight concern that he only talks like that because he might actually have poor self esteem or a bad self image and is trying to hide it. So, she wants to give him a compliment here and there, to help him feel better, but at the same time, she doesn't wanna be in the same room as him.

She likes the steel guy and transfer student that has the horn quirk, though. Big fist girl? She's 'meh'.

All the other students, I haven't put much thought into when it comes to her opinions.

Yet.

I haven't finished the episodes where the classes train together. I finished some, but not all of them. I think I had to leave off on the one where Todoroki is in the fight.

Sato:

Well....she likes his personality. But, due to her celiac disease, she doesn't always feel comfortable with the idea of touching his hands. So, ya know, no high fives or anything unless she knows he hasn't done any baking for a while. Ya make cakes, ya get flour all over your hands. And I don't know about anyone else, but whenever I know someone just touched gluten, I can't help but think of them as 'dirty' for a while, unless I see them wash their hands right in front of me. And he bakes a lot of sweets, right? In that episode where the class goes around seeing each others' rooms and he offers everyone cake? While all the other girls where enjoying the cake and showering him in compliments, she went-

'Nononononononono!' While she quickly backed away with her hands in front of her as if to block an attack. (Not too far off. If that stuff gets in her body, it'll attack her small intestines. My own reaction to having gluten offered to me is similar.)

'Sorry, dude! I-uh-I'm sure it's delicious and I want to taste it, but I can't eat it. Sorry, dude.'

She explained it in better detail later and she taught him a gluten free cake recipe that she likes and they used her own cooking equipment that she stores in her room to keep it safe from cross contamination, so they got to eat some cake together and he's slowly learning about food limitations. He never offers her baked goods anymore, but she offers him to help her make gluten free treats to share with the class. Sometimes they have Eri help them out, too. Then Eri brings some of whatever they made to the teachers' dorm building to share with the teachers when she has to go back.

Bakugou:

Hm. She doesn't like him much. She doesn't think he has the heart to be a hero. Yeah, he can save lives, but he might make the people cry while saving them. She just imagines him saving kids from something, then he yells and insults them and the kids burst out in tears. She's really hoping nothing like that ends up happening when he becomes a pro. She's hoping to see him grow to a point where he can control his outbursts, at least when he's around children.

Everyone else that I can think of right now:

She doesn't have strong opinions about them. I think I covered everyone she has opinions about.

Maybe I'll come back and edit this after I watch more episodes, but I've had to work on this slowly because of the issues caused by recovering from my surgery and I'm tired of it sitting in my drafts.

This post needs to finally see the light of day, it needs to stop sitting in the dusty, old Drafts Box.

So here ya go, post! Be free on my blog! I'll edit you later, maybe.

This was meant to be a good peek into this oc, which will be my main MHA oc and the one I care most about because I can relate to her because I gave her some of my biggest physical issues and some of my mental issues, which I haven't went into yet.

So, this is the MHA oc that I'll talk most about and give the most info about. Especially since, as of writing this, I don't even have any other MHA ocs yet.

#ann simmons #ann simmons oc #eri #mha eri #eri mha #mr. aizawa #mr aizawa #aizawa #dadzawa #papazawa #mha oc #mha #iida tenya #shinsou hitoshi #present mic #just-#just so many characters #i dont wanna tag everyone #too many tags!

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magnumdays · 4 years

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The Episode of Lost Opportunities AKA 2x16

SO I wrote this before watching the promo, then I did and now I know most of us are just FREAKING out about next week (and I’m freaking out the most because ummm they’remakingmyfanficintoanactual EPISODE!!! How does one deal with this????) but if you want a break from freaking out, here are some thoughts on last night’s episode!

So even though 2x16 was perfectly enjoyable, I’m going to have to officially re-name it “The Episode of Lost Opportunities” because there were so many plots and just tid-bits they could have done great things with.

So yeah not really a review today, instead I’m going to (in true Jenny Nicholson fashion) make a numbered list of things I think they should have added /done something with, in no particular order.

Miss nr. 1. Not having Higgy tease Magnum back with British pet names. I’m honestly devastated by this. Like what would a little sarcastic “come on luv” or a “Dearie, come here” from Juliet have cost them? The closest we got was Babe take our selfie.

Nr. 2. Not having Mr. Dorky Helpful But Cute guy ask Higgy out. I really thought this was where it was going with him being all “it’s just our second date, we met online” and yeah even though he looked about 12, it would have fit the episode.

Plus they could have had Magnum standing to the side gesturing like “go for it” and her either saying yes or no and later her and Magnum having a little chat about it. The Yes with him being all “I convinced you to do it” proud and also mildly jealous. The No, with her being all “he’s a suspect” or “he went on a love bus tour!” or “I’m not ready, bc of the dead fiance, remember him?”

Nr. 3. Which takes us neatly to - drowned guy should be bringing up some feelings for Juliet as I’m fairly certain back in Day of The Viper they mention something about how Richard washed up on the shores of something-something (I mean obvs he was shot before but I’d still imagine some associations there).

Also her own almost drowning in 1x19 (even if this episode’s dude wasn’t drowned, it did seem so at first and he was still in the water). I just feel maybe there could have been some feelings here that our favorite duo actually talked about. Just a nice little call back to either one of those would have been great. One line! Is that too much to ask for?

Nr. 4 on the list of missed opportunities is for me going to be Theresa (Teresa?). TC’s old flame. And this is a big one!

I honestly would have loved it if they went with this - as in have him not be so damned noble and let the childhood sweetheart go. Like, why not have them actually try to make a go at it?

Maybe she could have been there with just her boyfriend rather than husband to make it less of a thing and then maybe give it an episode or two and have them talk over the internet before she comes back and they get back together! Because why can’t anyone have a girlfriend? Like why do all of the guys need to be such lone wolves?

I mean, I get it, because they are a family/brothers, but having even just one more minor female recurring would be interesting and would add dimension to the gang and characters!

Now this is like one of those random side plots that don’t really do much because in the end nothing has changed. Other than us learning a little more about TC, which is nice, but it doesn't seem like it will actually impact future episodes and didn’t really connect a whole lot with the episode. TC is just off getting closure to a relationship we never knew he needed closure for. Which means we’re not super invested.

I feel like this is a bit of a problem with the show in general. We get really nice and moving and character developing stuff for characters we haven’t been shown to need, as with Kumu last week and now TC. Rick and his dying “dad” Ice-Pick and even Shammie with his lying army buddy. Even Gordon and his son. Jin and his sisters and that’s why he steals.

These things could all have had 100 times more impact if they’d established these problems/ relationships earlier. Like if we had learned Kumu's husband had cheated on her and had a child with another woman (or maybe that Kumu is a bit sad she never had kids on her own) sometime before - over the past 30 episodes, wouldn’t last week’s episode, where she finally reaches out to the husband’s kid, would have been so much more emotionally satisfying?

Same if Theresa had been mentioned as TC’s great love and maybe him being sad some episodes ago (or even back in 1x19 when his dad doesn't come to visit - that could have been about him seeing a post about her getting married and him being upset about it and connecting with Rick about that.)

Like I get that maybe sometimes they just throw random things in there but at the same time why do they need to do that? Want to do that? Isn’t there someone keeping track of the big picture? Giving characters long running story arcs over a season or even multiple ones should be someone’s job.

If it’s not, I volunteer!

Seriously Lenkov I’m currently unemployed and totally up for it, just give me a call! I already know we think the same... (Marriage of Inconvenience).

Nr. 5 Not having Gordon comment something on the fact that he’s been called to a murder scene on a Island Love tour bus site by his favorite PI duo. Like yeah they’d have told him why they were there but he still should have teased them about it! Like “What were you two doing here anyways? Something going on?” and both of them giving a horrified “NO!”.

Nr. 6 when the guy says “is he crazy?” after Magnum jumped into the waterfall pool thing, not having Higgy be all “Yes, he is”, then jumping in after him, was a huge miss. That would have been so funny and shown how much alike they are (even if Higgy will always be the sane one...)

Nr. 7. Not having Magnum and Higgins try to pretend to be together when the bus driver catches them. I mean come on! At least some more hand holding! Snuggling? I’m not saying to just kiss already okay maybe I am saying that.

Nr. 8. Not one real Miggy moment in this episode? I mean lots of bickering and maybe for a moment with her being all “well done” when he tells the cheating a-hole he’s an idiot for having an affair. And if the camera had stayed on him for a few seconds more when they’re toasting at the end we know we’d have gotten a Mangum looks had Higgy soft heart eyes moment. But we didn’t. But other than that, not really much feel-y moments even if we got plenty of cute stuff.

Nr. 9. Sandy and how they find out Sandy is the killer! Like what? She cut the bus’s fuel line which makes no sense, she’d wouldn’t want to trap herself right? Sandy if you’d just not cut the fuel line and stayed with the group, you’d have been taken back to civilization and no one would have figured you out! Or you should have left right away on car/4-wheeler you must have prepared for escape, not stayed around! You could have left down long before the cops got there or the autopsy revealed anything. Same for why does she give her knife to her date? Why not just throw the knife away? She’s in the jungle, big chance it will be found. Not.

And why kill someone in the middle of nowhere, making yourself one of the, like, 8 suspects? Like come on girl, for a hit woman you’re not that clever. Also if you had a gun, why strangle a guy 2x your size? That’s not a smart plan either. Just get a silencer and shoot the guy when he’s on his morning jog back in the city or something! I feel like the only reason they had her be the baddie was so Magnum/ Higgins could say “Shot through the heart” // “How is that for poetic” all dramatically after Gordon took her down.

Problem nr. 10. Tied in with this I just think Sandy as the killer should have not happened.

In fact, I think having the sweet loving wife as the killer would have been wonderful.

It would have been a much better twist! Dead guy could have been poisoned (traditional how wive’s kill their husbands… just saying) and then he fell off the cliff. They could surely have found some weird clue to that, like maybe his throat is all swollen and stuff to make them think foul play and then when they’re moving the body towards the end, Magnum realizes it’s poison.

But Higgy stayed back with the ‘grieving’ asthmatic widow and oh no! Must rush back to save my one true love platonic partner.

We could have had some sort emotional moment where the Wife got Higgy with a knife at her throat and is all “He was supposed to be my best friend, my partner, my everything and he did X” and Magnum being all “Well that woman you’re holding a knife to is my (best) friend, my partner and she didn’t do anything so please put the knife down!” Or something.

I mean I know that sounds like I’m off in Miggy fanfiction land but honestly I think they could have made it work (this is hilarious when re-reading after watching next weeks trailer). She could have teased him about the best friend bit but then she could have been all soft, “Thomas. Thank you. I’m glad you're my friend.” And the episode could have ended with how love just never seems to end well for anyone which would have been way more on theme for the vibes in this episode (and frankly whole show because no one gets to have a romantic relationship for more than, like, 3 episodes).

Nr. 11. Higgins hair. Not putting it in the fluffy “Blood In the Water” style was a big miss because that hair made her look so freaking adorable. Just saying. I mean both my babies are always adorable I just love the poofy fluff hair from that ep!

Anyways, those were my 11 missed opportunities for episode sixteen!

My fave bits were Magnum and Higgins fake couple thing at the start. Magnum being all like “While we’re up here we might as well take a selfie!” and then when talking to the old couple his, *I’m just gonna keep my hand here, on your waist! I’m real smooth* move.

I enjoyed the fast action pack-ed-ness of the whole ep and the pretty Hawaii scenery we got. The more I watch Magnum PI the more I want to visit Hawaii (one day when there is no Corona, I’m much richer and 20h airplane rides are suddenly comfortable, I will!) and just enjoying all the amazing natural beauty and stuff.

The Rick and TC’s interactions were also highlights, I loved the whole “just pretend to walk by”. Like so middle-school yet so relatable because who hasn’t done that when we’re like, is that Lisa from second grade? And just we walked down the cat food aisle perusing cat food (when we most def. don’t have a cat), just to check if it is indeed Lisa.

Also this made me crack up so hard.

Magnum: Muffin?

Higgy: Could you please not refer to me as a breakfast pastry.

That’s just so on point for Higgy I can’t even!

You guys agree with my missed opportunities? Or have any of your own for this or any other episodes?

______

(And who is desperately searching for a time machine to steal so it can be next week - right this minute!! LIKE!!! I’m still freaking out from the trailer.)

#Magnum pi #miggy #magnum pi 2018 #thomas mangum #juliet higgins #magnum pi season 2 #magnum higgins #so much potential

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judgement-free-sideblog · 4 years

Text

Blood, tears and sea breeze.

Warnings: ANGST, mental health issues, graphic depictions of violence, blood, cursing, description of sexual assault, mentions of sex, substance abuse.

This is a very dark chapter, is not graphic, but it is really sad.

Summary: The not so peaceful town of Broadchurch face dead again, while Alec Hardy continues his journey to redemption will this school teacher be the key to solve the mystery or just another victim of the ever watching evilness that seems to reside in the town.

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Chapter 12: Green lights

The four adults walked inside in silence, and the paced sound of the metronome was the only noise they could hear for a moment, somehow it made the room feel darker, and cold, even when a shiny yellow sun could be guessed outside the window through the white curtains.

Hardy look away from the device, sitting right in the middle of the desk next to the Dr. Cecil Florence plaque, and a tea cup. In the middle of the office there was a comfortable couch, the one he already knew too well. It wasn't a loud sound, however he find it unnerving and was desperate to make it stop, thankfully he wouldn't have to sit next to it.

Miller sited on an empty chair, the one closer to the door, and gave an awkward smile to Doctor Florence as in "Don't read anything into this" although she was sure her stiff movements were already telling the doctor she didn't want to be there.

Alec lean against the window trying to look at the whole room at once, but he didn't rise his look too high, avoiding Cecil's curious gaze, then he noticed Y/N nervously rubbing her wrist, he remembered seeing her do it before, but somehow he hadn't pay enough attention to the fact before.

"Are you going to make me sing psalms too?" Y/N said with a smile pointing at the metronome.

"Beg your pardon?" Dr Florence said with a strained look.

"Sister Mary, she was an old noun that was in charge of the church long before Father Coats" Alec rise his look with some anger at the way she talked about Paul, and immediately reprimanded himself. "When I was little if you get in trouble she would put out one of those out and made you sing psalms to, I don't know scare the devil away or something".

"Only because the stupid cow was already too old to use the cane" Miller said laughing too. "I still have the scar on my thigh, all because I was late to sunday school" Hardy tried to hide the Oh that's what that red mark was realization out of his mind, but he was thankful that Ellie always knew how to lighten the mood in a room.

"Well, don't worry, is only to guide your train of thought" The doctor said and Y/N sat on the couch a bit more relaxed. "Before we started I want to ask you again if you are okay with the detectives being here, and with this procedure, I also must remind you that this could be emotionally draining, and that we might not always found actual memories"

"I know all that doc, it's okay, let's do it" she laid back on the couch after giving a secure wink to the woman and closed her eyes.

"Fine, then I must remind the detectives that you shall not interfere under any circumstances, in case she needs to stop I will make the procedure stop if I consider it necessary." they nodded and everything went silent again except for the device "You should focus on the sound, use it to guide your breathing, I won't tell you were to start, but I would want you to imagine yourself in a place that brings you comfort

Click... click... click

"I'm in my room, I'm getting ready to go out with Jonathan and Ash..."

"Why are you going out?" Her voice was soothing and Y/N breath was calmed, Miller thought she would fall asleep before she could say anything but then she began recalling the event like she was living it again.

Ashley had gotten a excellent week at the Deli, so she had invited me and Jonathan to celebrate, he was on a grumpy mood, not uncommon on the last few days, but he accept to come with us anyway, he even agreed to wear that ugly purple shirt her mother sent for his birthday. She was always talking about how I never let him dress like a City boy anymore.

We were only the three of us, Charlie didn't came because her mother had a cold and he had to take care of her, sometimes I wonder if he was not angry that Ashley moved out, maybe I will bring Mrs. Langford some soup tomorrow to make him company.

Ashley looked stunning, like she always did, I was never bold enough to wear that kind of short dresses, Jonathan even had to scare a couple guys away from her while they went to get us drinks.

"Only two shots" He said with that dad like look he always had for me to prevent me from doing anything fun... I guess I won't see that anymore

"You are doing great dear" The doctor said once tears star running down her cheek, "Focus on the club, were you in Broadchurch, what time it was? Do you remember the music?"

Some horrible techno music, something kids listen, most of the people around didn't look old enough to be out at 12:00, let alone drink.

The tequila was smooth, and after the second shot I stand up to dance with Ashley, but it was crowded, so I lost her after a while and went back to sit at the table, Jonathan was gone, and I ordered more shots, I don't remember two or maybe three. I started feeling dizzy, so I stand up to go to the bathroom maybe Jonathan was there, it have been long and he hasn't come back.

I saw Ashley kissing a handsome man she often do that when we were younger, that's why she left her house, their parents were too conservative, and she was fighting with Charles all the time because of it, I never actually mind that she do that, but I felt mad, because she had left me alone so I tried to walk out of the club

"Hey hey hey" a voice said behind me, it was a large man, he was wearing a bright red shirt, and he smelled like bourbon, and aftershave, he had nice eyes "Are you okay dear?" I tried to tell him I was fine and walk away but my feet were no longer responding and the green lights of the club were making my head hurt, I was not sure how was I so far from the crowd

"I can't breathe" I said and I tried to walk outside but his hand was on my wrist and he didn't let go

"Let's go outside, you need air" he said and then the cold air of the night strike me in the face, the moon was out, he was smoking, and I was trying to get some clarity, but everything was so confusing and my legs felt week...

"You smell so nice" he said with his hot breathing my neck and one of his hands on my chest, I tried to scream, to run maybe but then everything went red, I felt a stinging pain on my head, and how he lift me from the ground.

Hardy was tense angrily listening to her story, and definitely not wanting to keep listening, but he didn't interrupt her, and obviously the women in the room were not thrill to listen either, Y/N breathing was now fast and she was fully crying but she kept her eyes closed.

He took away my ring, and for a moment I was glad because I thought he was trying to rob me, but then I could hear him taking off his pants, I kept my eyes closed, I tried to scream to call Jonathan and Ashley, anyone... I thought I was going to die, I would have rather die... I thought of my parents... and I got enough strength to scream and I did, but then he hit me in the face again, and then, Please don't do that... Please stop! Stop!! Someone help me!!...

"Stop this" Ellie said loudly "Please doctor stop this"

"DS Miller, I have to ask you to remain impartial" she said with a quiet voice but she was also very affected by the story.

Hardy was not listening, by that moment Y/N voice were only screams, and she had now the same lost look she did at the Latimer's house. He approach her carefully, but she was desperately rubbing her wrist again and not letting the doctor come near her so she went to her desk to prepare something to tranquilize her.

"I lost it, my mom said I should always keep it on, and I lost it, she is going to be mad" she said with a voice that reminded him of Daze when she cut his ties in ribbons for her dolls, and he wondered if she was still not entirely awake.

"Y/N" he said desperate to act before the doctor would injected the medication, and this time he didn't hesitate and simply hold her tight against his chest "I'm here, you are at Doctor Florence's office ok?" Once she was calmed he make her look at him softly "I'm with you, you're safe" she looked thankful at him but didn't let go, and he could only hold her patting her head, trying to avoid Miller concerned look, and ignoring the fact that the unsettling feeling in his stomach was now satisfied because she was on his arms.

"I would expect that you would be following my advice from now on and not force this poor girl to more trauma in the future" the doctor said to him once Y/N exited the room to go to the restroom.

"I hope we could" Miller said defeated "But if that memory was true in any way now we have to look for a sex offender and a murderer"

"When she was waking up, she said... the way she talked..." Alec tried to elaborate

"It's an old wound, I was convinced she was over that by now, but apparently not" The doctor started. "When she was youger she was diagnosed with absence crisis, a special kind of epilepsy, and her parents made her use a bracelet in case she suffered a crisis at school or so, the idot that treat her before me had her under many medications because he couldn't determine her anxiety disorder, so I work with her to take her out of the meds, and eventually she was having a very normal life, she kept using the bracelet as comfort when she felt anxious, but she did not have crisis anymore"

"Until her parents die?" Miller asked remembering what she read in her archive.

"Precisely, they had a discussion, when she finished Uni she wanted to take a job across the sea in Paris or something like that, she gave her mother the bracelet and she went to stay with her friend Ashley on their own, and then her parents had the accident, she has always felt guilty, and since she didn't recover the bracelet she sometimes goes back to her childhood when they make her use it, is just a minor compulsion, not weird under this circumstances"

"She didn't find it?" Alec ask cautiously.

"No, apparently it was not at her parents house, I'm sorry is something else I can help you with?" She said and he change his expression immediately.

"It's fine, we will be in touch if we need anything else, we are very grateful for your help" Ellie said and the doctor went back to her office a d they walked out to wait for Y/N at the car.

"Someone is definitely liying" Miller said once they were inside and grey clouds start covering the sky. "That bracelet was on her the day the body was found" she said.

"I know, but not on any pictures from before that, so either our killer put it on her or she lied to the doctor, but that was, what 10 years ago? Is too long for something she simply forgot to tell her shrink about" a lightning illuminate the sky and the thunder following let him now that will be a rainy day. "I was hoping we'll get more from this, but now we have to listen her friend again, she didn't remember that night, only she was at home with the boyfriend angry about something."

"I can't imagine how did he found her, and she is in no way ready to answer that yet, we had to check out the club, maybe someone saw something, I hate this bloody case" She hit the wheel with her fist. "That poor girl, every time I'm more convinced she is the victim here, but it's all just confusing"

"Yeah, I mean maybe you should take today off, it was hard to hear what she said inside"

"I could say the same about you" He look at her surprised "Oh don't gave me that look, I was not going to comment on this, but you are getting too involved in this"

"Of course I'm not!" He tried to defend himself but she was not paying attention to him.

"Yes you are, and look I'm not going to say anything, but if you became partial on your judgment, for the case, and for your own good, I'm removing you from the case" she said and make a sign to Y/N to show her they were already in the car.

"I thought I was still your superior" He said quietly before she got inside.

"I'll talk to you boss then" she said with a smile, and he knew then that she was not joking, he rolled his eyes with anger because she was right, he would have done the same, and also he was concerned that maybe he was letting Y/N get under his skin making it impossible for him to remain impartial about her.

Tag list:

@allonsymexgirl @laciesaito @tf18unipups @dazedkrosupreme @timey-wimey-lovi

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givemequeen · 5 years

Text

about time ; chapter i ; 80s!john lennon x reader

request: It’s ur main bitch here. Anything with Johnny I’m 100% here for. a/n: it may be 1 am but i wanna write this out. lmao i changed the request because it wasn’t fluffy enough for the other request. also i did a lil research to see how many rooms John’s flat had but it didn't show up. apparently, Dakota flats can have 4-20 rooms (haha 4 20) but i think 20 is too much so i picked like 11? pairing: john x reader summary: after years of not talking to the guys, The Beatles reunite. chapter summary: after drinking wine from a bottle Paul gifted you John gets sad and you propose inviting them for dinner which turns into invitng Ringo, George and all the kids and wives as well warnings: slight angst but fluffffff year: around Christmas of 1979 word count: 2,120

John was sat on the piano stool, his legs facing the opposite yours were. Your fingers were gliding along the keys emitting a beautiful melody. Sean was fast asleep in his bedroom, Julian out with his friends. The moonlight bounced off the glassy piano’s top, your bottom lip was in between your teeth. John’s soft voice filled the warm flat, his delicate fingers strummed the guitar, soothing you and helping you successfully finish the song.

This was not a rare occurrence, John would rush up to you, excitement bubbling out of him, and give you an idea he had been working on or that had popped into his mind right there and then. He would strum a couple chords, sit down next to you on the piano and you would catch the idea. Once you did catch the idea you would begin playing a melody that you thought would match whatever he had played with you.

“Beautiful yn, perfect,” he gushed as he leaned over to kiss you once you had finished. Your fingers lifted themselves off the keys and the flat was music-less once more. Your face relaxed and a grin tugged onto your lips, matching the one John proudly wore.

“Thanks, John,” you said, your nerves taking the best of you. Even after all this time together, John still had the same effect on you. Of course, you were comfortable being around him but his thrilling laugh had you stumbling over your words.

“I’ll put a record on and cook something, alright?” you nodded and closed the piano before standing up and tucking the stool under the piano. Your hand grazed over the grand piano's lid. John had gotten it for you for your birthday not long ago and you had cried when you saw it sitting in your new shared flat. It was your dream, ever since you were little kid you’ve always wanted one of these. A black grand piano overlooking New York City. “Open a bottle of wine for me please.”

John did as he promised, he put a record on and the sweet music filled the flat. You followed him into the kitchen and did as he kindly asked you. After pouring the wine into two glasses you jumped up on the counter. You took a sip and stuck your free hand under your thigh. “Year?” asked John as he stirred the liquid inside the glass. You read him the label and he nodded as he worked around the kitchen.

“Paul gave it to us.” you whispered feeling nostalgic at the memory. “You should call him, love.” you slid off the counter and set your glass down. Quietly you walked over to John, your hands slowly made their up his back and landed on his shoulders. You poked your head over his shoulder as you stood on your tippytoes.

“I know.” he admitted his eyes fixated on the food he was making.

“So why don’t ya?” you asked him, your voices still low.

“I dunno yn, it’s still complicated, what if he hates me?” John’s voice cracked towards the end and your heart broke. You spun him around and cupped his face, a tear was stinging his eye. His hands landed on your hips, his grip slightly tight.

“Honey, he does not, you guys were like brothers.” you assure him.

“But that song... damn it yn, it was very mean.” he lowered his head and sniffed. You bit your lower lip and tilted your head to get a good look at him.

“I’ll call him, alright? And invite him and Linda to have dinner.” you offered him. He softly hummed a repsone as you rubbed his sides.

“That sounds great,” he said nodding. Your hand travelled north to his face where you wiped his tear with your thumb. John had grown emotionally a lot since the day you met him. He no longer feared his emotions and was not afraid to cry to you about things that bothered or upset and he also did not hesitate to admit how he was feeling.

“No you get cooking, I’ll call them.” John nodded once more and returned to his cooking. You sighed and walked over to the phone. You pressed on the little numbers and hoped they were home.

“‘Ello, Paul McCartney speaking.” you smiled at his voice, his accent, much like John’s, was intact.

“Paul! It’s yn Lennon here,” you said.

“yn? It’s really you? Oh my, it’s been a really long time. How’s life? How’s New York? I heard the new album, that was you on the piano right?” Paul shot question after question.

“Thank you, Paul, it’s really me and yes it has been a long time, too long. Life’s good, New York is perfect, so beautiful and peaceful not like the Beatlemania day. We can actually walk around now.” Paul laughed at that and agreed. “I heard your new album too, love it. And yes, that's me on the piano.” there was a slight pause and you knew what was coming.

“How’s John?” he asked quietly, you looked up to your husband, he was looking down at the food but obviously listening in.

“John’s great.” when he heard his name he looked up, a hopeful smile on his face. “Listen, I was wondering if you and Linda would like to come over sometime for dinner? If you’re in the states, y’know.” you asked.

“That- that would be great, I really miss you two. We have a tour soon but we can go a day or two earlier to visit you lot. How’s next weekend?”

“Let me ask John, one minute.”

“Wait, he’s there?” Paul asked before you could ask John.

“Yeah he’s here, would you like to talk to him?” John took a step towards you.

“Yes, yes, please. I would love to talk to him.”

“Johnny, it’s for ya.” you extended the phone to him and he rushed to pick it up. Once it was in his hand you went to check on the food to give them so privacy.

“John?” asked Paul.

“Paul.” John answered a smile forming on his face, they both laughed. It was the first time that they had heard each other's voices.

“I miss you man, how’s it been going?”

“It’s been great, listen I wanna say sorry... Sorry about the song, it was very immature and I shouldn’t have done that.” John quickly said.

“John, it’s alright. We were both angry, I’m sorry for anything I might’ve said or, y’know, not said. I should have reached out.” you heard John chuckle and knew he was alright.

“Mum?” you heard your older kid, Julian, ask as he came in through the lift.

“Julian, it’s late, where have you been?”

“Out.”

“Very descriptive, did you have dinner?” you asked while hugging him.

“Yeah, who’s dad talking to?” you looked behind you, John was looking at other way and was leaning against the wall.

“Paul.”

“McCartney?” Julian asked excitedly and you nodded. “Can I talk to him?”

“If you can get your dad off the phone.” you giggled.

Julian did manage to get his dad off the phone but not for long. He only got to say a quick ‘hello, how are you doing?’ before John was tickling him to get the phone back. Julian kissed you both goodnight before disappearing into his room. John and Paul talked while you finished making dinner and only stopped talking so that John could quickly eat.

He practically inhaled his food and rushed to clean the plates (something you insisted you could do but he refused, saying you had made the food and that it was only fair) before calling his old friend again. You suspected they would be talking for a long time so you went to kiss John goodnight and go to your room but John called you.

“Honey wait!”

“What is it?” you asked peering into the kitchen.

“Paul wants to say goodnight.” you nodded and took the phone from John.

“Night yn, thanks for calling me- Wait Linda wants to say something.” you heard some shuffling and then Linda’s voice.

“yn!” you talked to her for a little while, some simple catching up. John would stare at you wanting you to get off but you didn’t even look at him. “Alright- alright Paul I’m getting off! Night yn, wait the kids want to say hi!”

“The kids are asleep!” you heard Paul yell from the background.

“I know, ‘M only teasing.” Linda laughed. “Night.”

“Night Linda, see you soon.” you pulled the phone away from your ear and handed it to John.

Your husband hooked his arm around your hip and pulled you close, he pressed his face against your cheek. “Thank you,” John whispered to you and you knew he didn’t mean thanks for giving him the phone.

“About damn time.” you smiled before going to bed.

John and Paul stayed up the rest of the night talking. At around 3 am, you heard him shuffle into your room and crawl into bed with you. Apparently, Paul had woken up the kids and Linda had told him to ‘get off the damn phone!’. You were very sleepy when he told you this but you still managed to get out a small laugh. He wrapped his arms and legs around you before drifting into sleep with you.

***

The whole week John had been fidgety, he couldn’t wait to see his best friend once more. They called every day whenever had time and John took a break from the studio. He cleaned the house five times and prepared the rooms for Paul’s kids. You had flattened out the details with Linda the next day. They were bringing all the kids and were planning to stay in a hotel near the flat but you insisted they stay over at John’s and your flat.

“Please Linda, John wouldn’t forgive me if he found out you guys were staying at a hotel when we have more than enough space.”

“We just don’t want to bother you,” Linda said as she bit her thumb.

“The only bother would be John nagging me.” you joked convincing her.

John planned the whole weekend as well and a couple days earlier asked you to phone George and Ringo as well. ‘Go big or go home, The Beatles are back!’ he had said when you asked if he was sure. They were both very delighted and were going to come a day after the McCartneys arrived.

“They are all coming with their kids so some will have to sleep in the same room, alright?” John told you one night as he prepared food for the whole family.

“Alright, Dhani’s 1, right?” John nodded and sat in front of you on the kitchen’s table. “So he’ll probably sleep with George and Olivia. Who’s Ringo with? He and Maureen broke up, right?”

“Yeah... Yknow after...” you looked up to him and tried to stifle a giggle. “yn! Not funny.” John tutted before breaking into a fit of giggles.

“It’s a little bit.”

“Fine but don’t mention it.”

“Of course, I would never. Moving on, Geo and Olivia can go in the first room with Dhani, we’ll have to get out Julian’s old crib.”

“What about my old crib?” Julian asked as he emerged into the kitchen. He made a beeline for the kitchen and took out the cold water to pour himself some in a glass.

“George, Ringo and Paul are coming for this weekend,” you said breaking the news to your oldest son.

“Really?” he asked nearly dropping his glass. “Why do you need a crib though?”

“They are coming with their kids,” you said wiggling your eyebrows, Paul and Linda also had a kid Julian’s age, Heather.

“Heather will come,” John said continuing the teasing. Julian turned red and looked away.

“Okay, I don’t care.” he shrugged and walked out of the kitchen leaving you and John laughing once more. Before dinner, you had finished the plan for the bedrooms. Stella and Mary would sleep together and so would Jason and Zach. Lee and Heather would get their own rooms and James, like Dhani, would sleep with his parents.

When you told Sean he was delighted. “I’m going to meet Uncle Paul and Uncle Ringo and Uncle George and their wives?” he asked as he held onto your hand and bounced excitedly.

“Yes, yes you are.” you pushed his hair back and his head fell back, a smile on his face.

“Dinner!” yelled John from the kitchen.

“Why don’t you go tell your brother? And you can both wash your hands,” you asked your son, he nodded and rushed to get his older brother.

tag list;

@thebeatleswritings @beatlevmania @i-love-queen-3000 @brians-metaphor26 @honimello @julessworldd @storiesfrommirkwood @beatles-babee @geostarr @thiccjelly17 @crab-king-69 @in-the-frap-of-the-gods

#john lennon #john lennon x reader #john lennon fluff #john lennon imagine #70s!john lennon #70s!john lennon x reader #80s!john lennon #80s!john lennon x reader

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