#I may or may not be working on one rn but knowing my writer's block (read: seasonal depression) I won't actually finish it
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putting in my two cents as an aroace hazbin fan to the whole alastor shipping debate (adding a cut below because this got long-)
before I start, it's important to remind everyone:
alastor is canonically ace and (semi)canonically aro, and that should be respected the same way we'd respect angel dust's identity as a gay man, or vaggie's as a sapphic woman.
"ace" and "aro", while also functioning as labels unto themselves, are umbrella terms for a lottt of identities. Some of which do include the ability to experience sexual and romantic attraction, in different ways and at different levels (demi, cupio, lith/lithro, grey, aro-and aceflux, the list goes on).
So, given all that, is it possible to interpret alastor as experiencing some level of romantic attraction, or sexual attraction? Of course, identities like the ones I listed above are just as valid as any other acespec and arospec identity.
So, what's the issue then? Right now, a lot of fans are using the breadth of aspec identities and experiences as a shield, to excuse them shipping him like they would an allosexual/alloromantic character.
Just to make it clear, that in itself is erasure. And I know that's a strong statement, and that there being such a broad aroace experience adds nuance to any statement you can make on that, but we have to acknowledge as a fandom that there are objectively wrong ways to handle aspec characters, both in the way we discuss them and in the way we portray them in fan works.
And before anyone says it, saying "alastor isn't real" or "fanon content won't change his canon sexuality" doesn't work when real life aspec people can't even look in a tag of a character that's supposed to represent them without seeing their identity erased. It's the way I feel attempting to engage with a lot of hazbin content, and I know a lot of my fellow aspec hazbin fans are feeling it as well.
So, what's the solution to all this? That's unfortunately kinda complicated. Everyone has a different opinion on what constitutes as erasure, what is good rep, how much benefit of the doubt we should give people, et cetera, and so everyone's solutions look different. In a way there also isn't a way to solve it, since aroace erasure is so normalized in fandom culture (not just the hazbin fandom; fandom culture as a whole) that there will always be a significant portion of fans who will ignore, erase, or otherwise deny alastor's or any other aroace character's sexuality.
So, to put my two cents on it:
My philosophy is that if you're going to ship alastor (or any aspec character for that matter), it's best to have an identity in mind for him to use as reference. For example, I think of alastor as sex-repulsed aroace, and I write him with that in mind. Whatever you pick can be a steadfast headcanon, an identity tailored to the story you want to tell, or one you want to explore in your fanwork, whether for fun or to educate yourself on it better.
What's better is that you don't even need to mention the sexuality itself in the work! Show don't tell is a great writing tool, and for alastor specifically, who canonically isn't aware of his sexuality, it works perfectly. Just simply creating with it in mind, asking yourself, "how would someone with [insert identity] experience this?" and going from there, makes a world of difference.
Just in terms of good fanfic etiquette, I'd also make sure to include it in the tags if you're posting it on ao3, just to make sure your readers know what's up and to help with filtering (I personally don't read any alastor ship fics that don't include the asexual or aromantic tag at this point). Bada bing bada boom, that's representation right there!
Since Alastor is one of very, very few ace characters in mainstream media, and even less aro characters in media period, us as a fandom creating good representation with him is really important, especially in terms of the breadth of aspec identities. We don't get much representation, so claiming he's definitively one label or another isn't productive, and hurts the community in the long run. Fanfiction is first and foremost an exploration of canon, so why not play around with what "aro" and "ace" can look like for him?
Case and point, I've seen some incredible ship fics that headcanon him as demisexual and/or demiromantic, and do a great job representing those identities. I've also seen some really good fics that portray him as sex-repulsed, and others that portray him as sex-neutral or positive. All of that is great, and again, even if it isn't directly mentioned: adding subtext, putting it in the tags, and even simply writing the fic with the sexuality in mind does wonders.
Me personally, I headcanon Alastor with the same identity as me; sex- and romance-repulsed aroace, but open to queerplatonic relationships. That doesn't mean fics that interpret him with a different aspec identity are less valid, or are interpreting him wrong. All of it is valid representation.
And that's not even getting into queerplatonic relationships, which is what I put Alastor into for my own headcanons (queerplatonic radioapple fic when). For that, please do your own research, but remember that queerplatonic relationships tend to look different for every couple. They can be poly, include kissing and physical intimacy, or look just like what most people would consider a regular friendship or regular romance.
So, can you ship aroace characters? Sure you can, as long as it isn't at the expense of their sexuality, or more accurately, the representation their sexuality gives to a historically underrepresented group.
That's pretty much it from me, please remember to support aspec fanartists and fanfic writers, and happy (early) aromantic spectrum awareness week for all my fellow arospecs!!
#not adding the aromantic or asexual tags to this#those tags shouldn't be flooded with ship discourse#so please stop doing that guys#also not joking about the queerplatonic appleradio fic#I may or may not be working on one rn but knowing my writer's block (read: seasonal depression) I won't actually finish it#their dynamic is so much fun to write let me tell you#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#hellaverse
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Velvette x Fem reader who gets moody during periods (Small).
A/n: i have writers block rn and im making small headcannons till i can write oneshots again.
-Honestly, you both get moody during your periods, so you both relate. She's a lot more bitchy during her periods, more than you, i mean its pretty obvious she would be. She has a pretty bitchy attitude already, imagine how bad she is with her period..But this isn't about her now, its about you.
-Honestly, i feel like in the day time she wouldn't deal with you. She'll get one of her employees or a hellhound to be responsible for you for the day, and if they fail or make you worse, fired! Then after she finishes her job for the day she'll cuddle you and surprisingly be comforting. She's a very busy woman, she controls the social media and she's a fashion designer, she can't miss work for something thats natural for every woman, she just doesn't believe missing work for a period isn't that important. Whether its you or her.
-Now if you were on your periods together, oof, how fun. Let's just say velvettes bitchy behavior causes you to be more moody/bitchy, then leads to her increasing her bitchy behavior, and it keeps going. Expect a lot of fighting, and they'll be over the stupidest shit ever. Like "YOU TOOK MY HAIRTYE?!?!". Velvette and you have had that type of fight before.
-She's your sugar mommy/partner, so she'll buy you whatever brand of chocolate or sweets you like while she's at work and have one of her employees take them to you. She also seems like the type of person to know almost every brand of female hygiene product, so she's got you covered.
-Now, she may be bitchy, especially if you two share periods, but she can be more sweet when she's not at work and she's not on her period herself. If your feeling upset, she'll allow you to vent to her while letting you sit on her lap and rubbing your back. If someone, especially one of her employees, messed with you, even by accident, she'll either fire them, or send Valentino to deal with them.
#velvette x reader x carmilla#period comfort#velvette x reader smut#velvette x reader#carmilla x velvette#hazbin hotel velvette#hazbin velvette#velvette x you#velvette x female reader#the vees#the vees x reader#the vees x female reader#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x female reader#hazbin hotel x fem reader
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Twisted captivity
Chapter 1
Twst third years x fem reader
A/n: here is the first chapter of my new series “twisted captivity” !! Again this is a yandere series so it will have some dark themes! Also, the first couple chapters will be more on the short side since It has been a while since I wrote anything and also because of my major writers block and motivation for writing. So I’m taking baby steps rn lol. But I genuinely wanna write this since it’s been on my mind for MONTHS! So enough about my rambling I really hope you guys enjoy this!
Words:766
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You walked down the long hallway as Crowley explained to you the rules and things you would be in charge of.
“Since your father told me you’re a researcher, you will be in charge of writing down every detail and interaction you have with the mers and also help us understand more about them and their biology!”
You simply nodded, still not believing that he has REAL mermaids and mermen’s in his care.
“You will also be in charge of feeding them, cleaning and taking care of their tanks! Though do be careful, some of them can be very wary and may attack when they feel threatened!”
“Ah that’s…good to know”
“Great! Now it’s time for you to come meet them so follow me” You followed him as he led you down a long hallway before walking through a double door which led you to a giant lab. In there you can see a big window as people rush in all sorts of directions.
“This is our lab! Here we run all our experiments and test” Your eyes grow wide as you see a couple of people roll in a big cart with an equally large tank which has a mermaid inside.
The poor thing was thrashing around in the tank as she clawed on the glass. The tank must have been made with really strong glass since it didn’t crack or break by how hard the poor thing was banging on it. The cart was rolled to another room, which you did NOT want to know about.
“Don’t worry she’ll be fine”
Something tells you she wouldn’t….
“Come follow me! I’ll show you the less aggressive ones first”
Okay now you were slowly starting to regret this
Maybe you should’ve stayed home and made yourself a good meal as you watched your favorite show. But no, you decided to show up instead.
What if this is all illegal? What if the government or whoever doesn’t even know such a thing exists?! Or maybe Crowley is working for the government?!
As you begin to panic, you accidentally bump into said man as he comes to a stop.
“Sor-“
“We’re here!” You step aside and you stare in awe as you are met with a beautiful sight.
The place looked absolutely gorgeous. It definitely didn’t look like it belonged in a research facility.
The place had a huge waterfall along with some beautiful trees and huge rocks and caves. You noticed a bridge in the center of it all and it had beautiful long vines surrounding it.
This definitely looked like it came from a fairy tale
“Welcome to the heartslabyul enclosure!” He says with a big smile.
“This place is so…”
“Amazing right? I’m glad you think so because I spent millions on this place!”
“Hey Crowley!” You both turned around to see a man with black and white hair. The man looked annoyed as he glared down at Crowley.
“Ah! Crewel! Nice seeing you here today, say why are you here?” The man scowled.
“I work here you idiot”
“Hey now that’s not a good way to talk to your boss! I have a new worker here with me and you can’t make it seem like calling me an idiot is okay!” Crowley says as crewel turns to look at you.
“You should still run while you have the chance” He says which causes Crowley to gasp.
You just awkwardly laugh as crewel and Crowley continue to bicker back and forth. You step away from the two as you decide to explore the area a bit more.
You walk down the bridge and to a small path that leads you to another beautiful part of the area. As you continued exploring, you didn’t notice the pair of eyes that peeked from under one of the lily pads.
Red eyes followed you as you continued to walk down the path.
Weird….never seen her around before
He watches you like a hawk before quickly ducking down as you turn around.
You eye the water curiously
“Weird….could’ve sworn I heard something” As you were about to walk a little closer towards the water, the sound of your name being called made you stop. You look up to see Crowley waving at you from the bridge.
“Come! I have more things to discuss with you in my office!” You just nodded but before you left, you looked back at the water one last time before walking away and to where crowley was.
As you leave, the boy slowly comes back up with curious eyes.
She looks nice….
-
Again sorry for such a short chapter😓 but as I said, baby steps!
Taglist: @ruisann @roseapov @0ffth3rec0rd @anunholyabomination
Ask if you wanna be put on the taglist!
Also! Reader will have more like a mother/older sister relationship with the 1st and 2nd years! I will explain more as the story goes:)
#inuiiwonderland🤍#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#yandere twisted wonderland#twst x female reader#twst x reader#yandere twst#yandere themes#disney twst#twst crowley#twst crewel#twst heartslabyul#twisted wonderland disney#twst imagines#twst#twisted wonderland x fem reader
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if you have a blank blog and keep getting blocked by every blog you follow because we're all wary of porn bots, but you don't know what to put on your blog
you look like this rn
this is what spam bots look like as well. this is a screenshot of a blog I think belongs to a person but it has no posts and no likes so I cannot tell
you can change your profile picture to literally anything. it can be a solid color. it can be a character or actor you're fond of. it can be your cat. it can be a stock photo. literally anything, but it probably shouldn't be your actual face
you can change "Untitled" (which is your blog title btw) to, again, literally anything. it can be "Hello" if you want. "Twitter Transplant" works too. just something
people here often put their name (usually not the one they use irl, or at least not their government name), their preferred pronouns, and a brief overview of their interests in their bio. there's no need to overshare or link a carrd. it can be "I'm new here and haven't set my blog up yet!"
you may have seen people encourage pinning a post to your profile. that can be very similar to your bio, just an overview of what to expect from your blog. fic writers often include their masterlist on it. if you're not set up yet, it can be a placeholder. "pinning this for later" is better than nothing
on mobile, your Edit Appearance button looks like a little paint palette board. here it is on my blog
on desktop, you go to your sidebar first
Edit Appearance brings you here
my bio looks Like That because it has links in it, which have to be coded in html
we don't want to block y'all but you have to show us some signs of life. PLEASE. also this is a blogging website and blogging involves posting or reblogging but that's another conversation
#long post#IS THIS HELPFUL PLEASE#idek how to tag this#okay this popped i'm sorry y'all have to look at my nerd blog for this information
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part 1 | part 2 | part 3
cw: suggestive, use of y/n
a night at the bar - part four
when simon agreed to a cup of tea, you opened the door after fiddling with your keys for what felt like an embarrassing amount of time and let him in. you were greeted by your fluffy black cat and picked him up as you walked. “hi, toby,” you said.
“you have a cat?” simon looked at you after settling down on one of the stools at the small island counter in the kitchen.
“oh, yeah… are you allergic? we can go somewhere else if you want.” you responded.
“no, no i’m not allergic. he’s cute.” he smiled softly under the balaclava, reaching his hand out to pet him. the cat hesitated for a moment and looked at you, almost like he was asking if it was okay to let the strange new man pet him. “go on, toby, it’s okay, you can say hello to si.”
his face reddened at the nickname. ‘si.’ it had a nice ring to it. toby leaned into his touch and curled into simon’s lap, like he fit perfectly between his thighs. “wow, normally he avoids people like the plague but toby seems to like you.” you smiled wide.
simon chuckled as he let his calloused fingers go through the hair on the cats back, petting him softly and embracing the comforting warmth that it brought him. he could get used to this. used to you.
you set the kettle to the side after it heat up, reaching up to grab two tea cups from the cabinet and brought them to the table. “sugar?” you asked.
“please,” he replied.
you got a heating pad and set the kettle down, along with a cub of sugar and coasters. by this time it was a little after ten, the tiredness from both of your bodies seeming to disappear when a little conversation started.
seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned to hours until it was 1:00 in the morning and the two of you were sat next to each other on the couch. “oh my god, i’m so sorry i didn’t even think that you might have work-” you started.
“don’t worry, i’m off for the week. but i can go, if ya’ want.”
“no, no you can stay if you’d like. i have the night shift for the next few days, so i don’t mind. i mean- i wouldn’t mind either wa-”
simon couldn’t hold back anymore, he needed to get the tempting thoughts out of his head. he knew it was soon, he knew that you knew it was too soon, but that didn’t stop him. he cut you off when his hand rested on your cheek, closing his eyes and kissing you lightly.
you pulled away, stunned by what just happened. he immediately felt horrible, like he ruined what the two of you had and he apologized right away. “i’m so sor-” you cut him off, putting both of your hands around his neck and leaning into him as you kissed him.
everything went from soft and sweet to heavy and full of lust in the span of a minute. you felt desperate, you needed to touch him, to have him, and you felt fine knowing it may be a selfish act that would dig a hole and live in your conscious forever.
****
cliffhanger mwahahaha 😈
also i’m having horrible writers block rn so i’m sorry if this sucks balls 😭 the next part is gonna be smut don’t even fret 🤭
take care of yourselves lovebugs ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
- 𝓀.𝒿
#writeblr#call of duty#fanfic#ao3#cod#cod fanfic#fic writing#simon ghost riley#cod ghost#ghost call of duty#simon ghost x reader#ghost x reader#ghost cod#call of dooty#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#x y/n#cod x reader#x you#x reader#anons are welcome#anons welcome#wtf is going on#writers on tumblr#we're past the point of conversation#artists on tumblr#y/n#im cryin#anons open#brainrot.txt
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okay, so i've been doing some thinking. i've been scrolling through your blog and i stepped upon these "cheating on cove with Baxter and the other way around" scenarios. (i'm sorry, i wasn't able to read them, my heart couldn't take it ;-;) but!
what if mc was like, in a normal relationship with Baxter. you know, a couple, maybe married later and stuff, while of course still being besties with Cove. later mc and Baxter have a kid together, maybe still a small baby but! plot twist! Baxter gets into an accident or something and dies. (i'm sorry, he's my favourite man but i had to kill him for that scenario:'))
mc is completely devastated and also a little panicked, because what about the baby? and then Cove stepps in, deciding to help his best friend take care of the little one and basically becomes its father. i recently watched a video of a dog "helping" a cat take care of her kittens, and there you have it.
this one may be boring, so feel free to ignore, but i can't stop thinking about it.
ITS OK<333 I figured some ppl didn't read it bc angst n pain</3 trust me I skip over angst all the time
(I even have the tag blocked😬 sorry angst writers but I will read it and not be the same for months, I read a kiribaku angst fic years ago, and was devesated for 4 months afterwards LMAO)
okay i... I cannot expand too much on this bc OUCH
(eta now that I've finished. who am I fooling? I rlly said that like I haven't wrote a whole novel 💀 anyway <3 this clearly made me pop off more than I thought I would bc I read this at first n was devastated!!! I had no words!!!! well clearly I found them LOL)
ALSO BORING??? ANON PLEASE.. BORING WHERE<///3
n im gonna fix the format later but for now here is the bare minimum. I'm going to bed rn so nini everyone enjoy a bit of angst I promise its fluffy as well<333
tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
p/n = parental name, since I wanted to leave flexibility for all the readers here <3
but anyway yeah cove would so step up for you
will follow you to the end of the earth and do whatever you need to help you work through this and to adapt to this sudden and unfortunate change
if/when your relationship starts becoming something romantic, cove would absolutely put the brakes on everything and you'd go so slow...
I imagine he'd probably move in with you or you with him, and he'd stay somewhere else (if you're living in his house he will leave anyway, he's a gentleman like that fr) so that way you can figure out if it's not just bc he's doing all these things n you're mistaking admiration for love
you'd spend the first year going super slow, as if you've never known each other before
which technically you haven't, since you've never dated before. but cove would go so far as to find out your favorite color, song, animal, food.. all over again, even though he has it memorized and knows your likes better than his own.
once cove is sure you're ready for this (after much talk between the two of you and even with your therapist that yes you've made enough progress and are emotionally ready for this) does he finally put a label on it
now if you get married...
I imagine cove won't propose at all
like I think you'd have to talk n almost beg him...
in that case he would do a small but grande gesture to propose. or he'd propose to you before you've even left the bed for the day... no inbetween
but like 8 times outta 10, you're gonna have to propose to him
he'd cry and hug you n say yes of course.
and unless you want to keep this outta your wedding, I think cove would include baxter in your wedding.
first, ofc you'd have the picture to honor his memory
but I think he'd even go so far as to have smth in his vows. but to start, he'd say smth like:
"I know the reason we became closer was unfortunate, but I'm so happy to be able to call you and [Child] my family. and I hope I can be a good father and husband"
and "baxter will always have a place in our hearts. even though he and I didn't get along at first (watery chuckle)... I'm glad he got to love you, and I hope he trusts me to love and cherish you the same way as well.."
also if you don't want to give up your wedding ring from baxter, I think cove would even go so far as to suggest combining it with his.
!!! omg I was gonna say your and baxter's wedding bands would be black, but I have another idea
okay now, for YOUR bands, I imagine they're either black or silver and yk those infinity(?) bands? that has the 2 types of metal or whatever
that's what cove would suggest doing. and if you are worried abt people asking why your bands are different, he'd get the same twisted band but silver with say a black diamond or smth. just smth to make it look like it's intentionally different colors but same design or smth
(im overthinking a bit but it's an idea right?! I'm not crazy??<////3)
or if you don't wanna do that, I imagine you can just slip it on a necklace or leave it as is, whatever you want. he wouldn't mind even if you kept wearing it, cove would never ask you to get rid of baxter's image or memory in any way, not unless it was a real problem and your attachment to him/his things was unhealthy anyway.
now for baxter's band... well if you didn't bury it with him, I imagine you'd give it to your child
another thing I think you could do w your wedding band as well, and give them both your bands to do whatever they want with. or if they don't want it of course you're not forcing them to keep it
even though they didn't get to know baxter, the way you and cove still cherish baxter's memory does help them feel something of a connection.
I also imagine baxter would take lots of photo n video w the kid, even though they're young n just a babe, theres so many videos of baxter looking n acting so loving w them
and even a couple where he's teary-eyed n all "imma do you right by you. I love you so much.."
of course, if the kid doesn't feel that connected to baxter since they were too young to know or rmbr anything, and they don't feel anything much other than sympathy and the occasional sting when they see how much baxter loved them, you don't force it.
you both know that baxter was basically a stranger to them and even though they still respect baxter and he has a place in their heart, they don't feel like they're lacking anything.
"I don't really know what to say.. or how to feel... I see how much [P/N] misses you sometimes, and we have pictures of you, and they talk about you and stuff...
but I don't feel like im missing a dad. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings, I wish I knew you too. sometimes I wish you were still here, so I got to know you as well, even though I'm still happy to have dad cove for my dad.
I just wanna know what you were like. I wanna experience what you were like. I... I wanna miss you like everyone else misses you too...
anyway, just know that dad is great! he takes care of me and [P/N] really well! he makes breakfast in bed, and he does/used to do this thing where he lifts me in the air before bed! he's so cool. I see how he makes [P/N] happy as well, so don't worry. although, [P/N] said you always thought cove was reliable and a good guy so maybe you aren't worrying anyway.
well... that's it I guess. i hope ill get to know you one day, and maybe you can tell me you're glad to see dad took good care of us. goodbye,
baxter."
pa."
cove happily listens to anything they have to say on how they feel abt baxter btw. he accepts any of their feelings, be it that they don't feel anything at all, sympathy for others, or they feel sad abt losing him.
if they do say smth like how even though it's unfortunate and they feel bad for everyone who mourns baxter (for example/especially you), they see cove as their dad and don't feel like they're missing anything and they're happy to have cove for their dad.
ofc he cries n hugs them n tells them he loves em and he's happy n he comforts them if needed of course
I also think cove is very scared abt being a father
especially in this way... even if the kiddo doesn't remember anything, or it's hazy at best, he worries about replacing baxter.
he'd probably worry abt not living up to baxter
baxter was always much more mature, at least it seemed that way most times. cove just worries about if he has the backbone and the ability to parent the child well and be someone they can look up to and/or appreciate for being a good father
cries if they call him dad btw
if they do it before you start dating, I imagine it's one of the catalyst that cause you to talk abt your feelings for each other. or if it's in the early stage..
cove prbly freezes and runs away to the other room n freaks out, definitely cries. if you don't talk to him like right after he calls his dad n cries n shares his worries n fear
either way, when you do talk he's biting his nails n trying not to pace around the room and he's like "if you wanna distance yourselves so that they don't call me dad any more I totally understand, I mean idk it's prbly weird for you-"
n he just rambles. like none of it makes sense n u have to physically shut him up. kiss him, yell, throw a pillow, hit him w the child's stuffed animal, throw a single lego brick at his back and watch him fall to the floor like he just got a nuke thrown at him
if it's later on n theres nothing to worry abt bc youve talked abt this or saw it coming or its just the otherwise most natural step, he cries of course
but he doesn't fall apart from being his in the back w a single fucking Lego as if it hurt 🙄🙄🙄🙄 (I hate this man he's DRAMATIC)
well... actually no he does
hit him, kiss him, hug him, run him over w a hotel wheels truck.... he just cries harder
adopts them like immediately basically
I imagine you do it soon, like maybe before the wedding just so that way you can have a private moment (just to save him some embarrassment from ugly crying in front of your families. in fact he just might faint fr)
n you + the kiddo surprise him w adoption papers (depending on how old the babe is at this point, they have like no idea what's going on but they know that cove is now officially recognized by the whole world (even by the unicorns n wizards n warlocks) as their daddy))
imagine laying in bed w cove n the kid in between you two
and when you wake up, cove is alrdy awake and was watching you two. he was petting the kids wild hair and he had pulled the two of you in and kept you under his arm..
and the sunlight is coming in, the day is just perfect. n the look on cove's face is full of so much love but also a bit somber this time
(cove feels awkward being here like this sometimes. during times like this you have to remind him it's okay, and you pull him back in. of course he does the same for you on those days.)
"I love you two. so much..." he whispers, tears sticking to his lashes
the kid flips over, curling into cove and they stop their sleepy mumbling now that they're tucked into cove's chest, feeling warm, happy, and safe.
you whisper equally as tender. "we were meant to be like this too."
also!! smth I just thought of...
imagine the kid looks mostly/very much like baxter. they act very much like cove's kid
like you would think cove n baxter had a kid together LOL
(if the resemblance is too much, they ask if you're the step parent </3 pls Ik it may not make sm sense but I just think it'd be so fuckin funny)
#olba#our life: beginnings & always#cove holden#cove holden x reader#baxter ward#baxter ward x reader#angst#baxter ward angst#cove holden angst#angst with a happy ending
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Update!!!!!!!!
Hey Y’all!!
Here is the start of hopefully monthly updates. I know in my last update I said I was going to be more consistently here and active. Obviously, that didn’t happen lol. Trying to hold myself to that rn. So this is probably going to be the format for all of my update posts, just so they are easier to follow.
Refresh:
So I am almost completely done with the blog refresh. I think all that is left is updating links and getting some other posts (ex: theme days) made/redone. Most of that got put on the back burner due to how long they were going to take lol. But hopefully, over Spring Break, I’ll be able to get those done (no promises, another thing I’m trying to do, is be more realistic about what I want to get done by when so).
Writing/Other Content:
Ik I said I’d write more. Once again didn’t really happen. Well, I have written a decent bit, but never finished anything. There is one fic that I am going to try and work on after this week (midterms lol) and have someone look over it (the first time I’ve had a beta reader, look at me go lol). Like the blog as a whole, I am trying to organize my writing, like requests and my ideas and what is going out when etc. (@ any of the other writers if you have any suggestions of what to/where to organize my stuff so it doesn’t get all confusing and mixed up you should def let me know). Speaking of requests, I am going to try and do at least two requests a month. That doesn’t sound like a lot but for me, that feels like something I can realistically do. I will be doing old requests first because even though they are years old at this point, I liked the ideas so I genuinely want to write them. I am still going to be accepting new requests (esp because sometimes that helps spark creativity/help with writer’s block so feel free to send in any ideas!!) but I will try to get those older ones done first. As for any other content (playlists, moodboards, IG edits, drawings, etc.) I am also taking requests for those so feel free to send in any of those requests too.
Another Blog?!
As of rn the second hockey blog has not been “released”. I want to catch up on things for this blog before I throw that into the mix and try to grow that as well. I am hoping to add that sometime this summer. Also, I do technically have a sideblog already (@samistheman) which is normally where I reblog random things, and I don’t really have tags for that blog I just kinda willy-nilly reblog there (it used to be mostly PJO stuff but now that’s kind of here because of how much of it there is lol).
Life Update:
College is a lot rn. I’m doing 17 credit hours and tbh do not know what possessed me to do that. At first, I was doing pretty good, but now not so much. Like I said earlier I have midterms this week. If y’all didn’t know this, I’m shit at taking tests so not doing great rn. Thankfully one of my classes ends on Sunday so at least I don’t have to worry about that. I’ve had a lot going on in my personal life recently that is impacting a lot so trying to navigate that as well. I am moving out in May, which is yes months from now but there is still a lot that I need to do beforehand. Anyway, I’m going to a college hockey game on Thursday and I am super excited. I haven’t been able to go to a game since October. Also little fun update, I’m going on a weekend (work) trip to Boston. Super excited for that. I’ll be getting to go to a Celtics game and a Red Sox game (I’m a Royals girlie tho). I’ve never been to an NBA game so that’s for sure gonna be really cool. I’ve been to many MLB games before but this will be my first at a different stadium. Anyway, I think that is it for this update. Hope y’all are doing well!!
As usual, if y’all ever want to talk dms/inbox are open <3
I am going to tag some moots, I am totally forgetting some people so I am sorry for that (if y'all could reblog that would be amazing)
@2manytabsopen @krugstrash @jimmystrudel @andreburakozy @sidneycrosbyhoe @fallinallincurls @timstuetzle @typical-simplelove @ilyasorokinn @drei-mrssvechii
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(I'm sorry for the mistakes)
Are you okay? Sorry to intrude, but I hope your mental/physical state is ok and you are taking good care of yourself! (^-^*)/
Hi! It's okay, thank you for asking! I typically like to do asks in order, but I thought this would be a good ask to kind of get things out there and talk about what's been going on with me and Mine!
As for if I'm okay, I don't really know. I can't say I'm okay but I know that it could be a lot worse(because I've felt way lower then this before) I'm not really sure how to take care of myself other then repressing things but I am seeing a therapist and we've been talking about how to handle my emotions as they come. I do wish that I was able to see a therapist before my repressive coping habits took over but due to circumstances I'll get into later I just wasn't able to.
As for Mine stuff, I am still very slowly but surely working on my asks. I do have a few done but once again I like to answer my asks in order. Last night I thought it would also be smarter to do my asks backwards from how I've received them so that way I could just que them all up instead of writing the first ask I got and then lacking motivation and ideas for the later asks. I guess rn I'm going through a bit of writers block? I think it's that mixed with my extreme lack of motivation. As for my event, I have thought about lowering the number and then raising the numbers again for a later milestone! I tend to always put a lot on my plate and 50 requests may have been a bit more then what I could handle as of now. Another thing as well is that even though I love drawing, I don't draw super often. I get hit with random waves of motivation and it's very easy for me to lose that motivation. So I have the sketches mostly done for the drawing requests I've gotten, but if I have no motivation to draw then the drawings turn out looking wonky and just all wrong and then I'm no longer proud of them. I still plan on doing the events and I'm so sorry that my lack of motivation happened like as soon as I hit 100 followers, It doesn't feel fair to you all but I seriously cannot thank you enough for your continued support. Everyone has been so nice and no one has come into my dms rushing me with anything, seriously thank you all so much for that! Another thing as well is that Mine is not my only story, if you follow my main account I have most of my stories listed there and there's like over 50 stories. it's like that because I have so many ideas but once again I lose motivation so easily, and as mentioned earlier I like to put a lot on my plate, I don't like to just work on one story at a time and it causes me to get burnout which I'm sadly going through with Mine. I was answering asks nonstop when I got them, getting asks motivated me to get up out of bed, I was so happy and overjoyed to get asks, and don't get me wrong I still am! I love getting asks and seeing what ideas you want me to write for, although I was also overwhelmed at first, I had gotten so much support which I hadn't expected to ever. I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to like my stuff but I was ready to still work on Mine because I work for ME. But I wasn't happy with how the sprites were turning out, I wasn't getting inspiration for any music soundtracks, and I'm struggling on the script, I've got Minato's week planned mostly but it just feels so BORING! He's the first route, it needs to drag you in a bit more. So far there's been like no yandere tendencies which sure maybe that fits for Minato, but I'm just not proud of it at all so I need to rewrite Minato's week planning. The more I wrote asks the more I felt disconnected to these characters, it felt like I wasn't writing them like I was before, which I tried telling myself that it was fine because when I first made this blog Mine hadn't even been in the process for a year and I thought we could go through developing these characters together, but it just didn't feel right. I also started to dislike their designs. I felt that I had designed more interesting characters before and they just felt so boring, I like their hair and faces, mainly clothes design is where it felt lacking. Jun, Aki, and Yani have the designs I like the best honestly, their clothes feel more intricate.
Anyways yeah that's me and what's been happening, sorry for the long post and venting. I'm still working on asks when I find the motivation to and I did make some progress on them a day or two ago. I hope I can get out of this slump and come back better then ever. Once again thank you all for being patient with me and for supporting me still! I love you all!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
I'm going to go a bit more in depth with things, sorry for the long post! You don't have to read what below if you don't want to, it mostly explains more of what's been happening with me, but I've also touched on a lot of my reasons for not posting above! Honestly I lot of it is venting, so please don't read if you're struggling with any below!
TW FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, DEATH, ABUSE(?), MENTAL ILLNESSES
So a couple years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I didn't really understand it, like it didn't feel like it's affected me that much but I've learned a lot more about it and can definitely see in which ways it has impacted me. When I started Mine I wasn't exactly in a high state of Mine but getting asks and seeing people like my work for once in my life really raised my moods, but I really struggle with staying happy. No matter how much I want happiness to stay, it always leaves. Right now I'm going through one of my lows. Honestly, I typically ignore my lows the best I can, It sometimes work and sometimes it doesn't, this is one of the times where I can't repress my feelings, and as mentioned earlier I do think a part of it is because I've been talking to my therapist about embracing the negative feeling, admit that I'm not happy and work through it instead of hiding it. Not that I blame my therapist, I'm really hoping that it works and I'm choosing to listen to my therapist because I want to get better, honestly I could've ignored everything she told me and kept repressing my feelings but I want to be happy so I'm really trying to embrace the fact that I'm not okay and work through it! I don't know how long this low will last, but when I get out of this low I want to work on Mine and get the same excited and happy feelings I had when I first started. Mine might go through some changes but overall I want these characters to have the same personalities and backstories, the only thing that might change with them is their clothes.
Along with my bipolar disorder, I've been diagnosed with major depression with psychotic features, anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD. Needless to say these all impact me greatly. The lack of motivation, struggling to get up out of bed or go to sleep at a normal time, and even eating and drinking and going to the bathroom. I've always found it easier to take care of others rather then myself because that's just how I was raised. To always put others above myself. As I've gotten older I realized that that's not how that should work, but it was already pushed into my brain and I still struggle to take care of myself. I'm always stressed, can't sleep right and I can't wake up before 5pm. Sometimes I'll sit in one spot, fidgeting while I wait for some motivation to strike. But I can't even think because of course when I think my mind never goes to good things. Thoughts about just wanting to give up(Which don't worry too much, I won't do it, even if the thoughts get to be too much), my repressed memories coming back, mom and her death and neglect before dying, dad and his temper tantrums, my grandma and how she's one of the only people in my life to care and love me, and how I wish I could talk to others easily but of course my mind gets fuzzy and I can't speak and how almost all of my friends have left me, how I feel defective and unlovable. The thoughts don't stop, every time it just gets worse and worse and I can't stop questioning what I did wrong and why no one wants to be my friend. People just use you and then toss you out when they're done and it's so cruel, I want someone who actually wants me in their life and who values me as much as I value them, someone who treats me like a person with actual feelings rather then a robot or an object. But it's so hard to find people like that, as I said there's a lot of cruel people out there and to those who aren't cruel I have a hard time trusting them due to past experiences and I know it's not fair to those kind people but gosh being vulnerable is so hard. And I know it's really early to question if I'll ever meet anyone I can trust 100% because I'm only 18 but gosh do I know about death, I know that death doesn't care about your age. I could die later tonight or sometime this week or next month or maybe I do die in many years, but then what about the people I meet and value, will they be taken away from me as well? Do I want to put my heart on the line just to end up losing them eventually? Could I handle another death? I don't know? I really don't, It already hurts to think about losing my sister and my bestest friend in the entire world, I'm already so lucky to have them in my life, what if I lose them too?
I'm going to start getting into things that I didn't get into earlier this post. I put it down here because it might be triggering and I didn't want anything too sensitive to be at the beginning, I want people to be able to skip this stuff for their own mental health. As mentioned earlier I wasn't able to get therapy for a bit because I didn't have a legal guardian. My mother passed when I was 11 and I've never met my biological dad. My sister I mentioned earlier is my half-sister(I call her sister cause it's easier and no matter what she's still my sister) and her dad took me in very shortly after my mother had passed(I won't be calling him my stepdad, once again because it's easier to just say dad and no matter what he's still my dad, no matter what grudges I have against him) Anyways I didn't have a legal guardian for 6 years, finally getting adopted in January. I had no insurance as well(Btw I don't blame my dad for any of this, he kept getting scammed by the shitty lawyer. So yeah I couldn't get therapy and well I learned how to repress my feelings because of my dad, because y'know he can throw tantrums and be angry and cry all he wants but god forbid someone else is angry or sad. Looking back at it though, mom played a part as well, she just neglected me and didn't give a shit and I learned that no one cares about me.
On a lighter note because gosh I need it. I don't plan on going until I get out all or most of my stories! But my stories have a lot of morbid themes and concepts. One because me too, but I still think it's important to touch on things I haven't been through because others might have and it's a morbid world. I want those people who feel alone in this world to feel seen and heard. Abuse does happen, death happens, suicide is very real, hate crimes happen every day and yet I feel people don't talk about it as much as they should. Like sure the topic will blow up, but after like a couple weeks or months, boom it's forgotten and that's just...wrong. I plan on making it very clear that the topics I write about in my stories are not meant to idolize or romanticize these topics or to make jokes at them, it's just that messed up things do happen. I know how it feels to be and feel alone, like no one will ever understand what you've been through, and I want my stories to be some kind of comfort for those people. I'll put clear disclaimers and tw's on my games and stories so those who don't want to witness that stuff can avoid it. I understand that as well! Like yeah the world is messed up but I already go through that and I don't want to see it in media and stuff, I've definitely been there too. I think I want my games to encourage people who might be struggling to not give up though! You see these characters go through something tough but they're still alive and they get there happy ending(Though not all of my stories have happy endings)
Anyways yeah that's me and what's been happening, sorry for the long post and venting. I'm still working on asks when I find the motivation to and I did make some progress on them a day or two ago. I hope I can get out of this slump and come back better then ever. If any of you are struggling with anything mentioned above, I hope you're able to get help, please don't give up, you're important! Once again thank you all for being patient with me and for supporting me still! I love you all!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
#🎤-asks#🌟-abt star#tw vent#tw death#tw mental illness#tw abuse#tw sui ideation#Also me losing motivation has nothing to do with you guys#I hope it doesn't come across like I was blaming you guys cause that's not the case at all#I was just losing motivation and felt lost on how to write these characters
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Hi, I would like a TWST matchup if you're still doing them please! I'm Bee, NB afab, pretty comfy with my gender and bisexuality. I'm, plus size, autistic (I love autism creature sm) and deal with your bog standard anxiety/depression. I love to cook, eat, and mix drinks when I have the chance. I'm also a writer (who is struggling with writers' block rn), gardener, and avid camper. I love the outdoors as long as it's not too hot! I like being in/on the water but can't swim well. My love languages are acts of service and gift giving. Being useful is something I feel I always have to do and I get no greater joy than seeing someone eat something that I made for them! I'm also supremely clumsy and injury prone, so I'm always bruised and scratched up from something or other. I hope this is enough, and thanks so much! Love reading your stuff ❤️
Thank you for sending in a match-up; I think that either Jade Leech or Ruggie Bucchi would be good matches for you!
Jade would initially be interested in you due to your shared hobbies of gardening and camping, and he would start talking to you in the hopes that you would join the Mountain Lovers Club (yeah, your friendship starts because he wants to recruit you lmao). He would be quite interested in reading your writing if you're up to sharing it with him; Jade's quite curious to see what you write about to see if you can surprise him in one way or another with your works. If you told him about your difficulty when it comes to swimming, he'd happily assist you if you needed... albeit at a price (which would be for you to try one of his mushroom dishes that may or may not leave you paralyzed). You two would probably bond over your enjoyment of cooking, and Jade would be interested in learning any tips or recipes you had for mixed drinks. If he were to ever see you trip and fall, you may hear a short laugh before he comes over and helps you up before assisting you in patching up any potential scrapes or cuts.
Ruggie wants to get closer to you because of your love of cooking in the hopes that he would be able to convince you to make him free meals; color him surprised when you actually enjoy making him food since it makes him happy (the best way to get this dude to like you is through his stomach tbh). He would be interested in hearing about any gardening tips you had since growing his own food would definitely be something he would like to look into; he was considering inviting you back to his hometown to see if you knew of any plants that would be best to grow in the climate, but he decided against it due to the heat (he doesn’t want you to faint or something). Ruggie would be caught off guard by your love languages, though; he's not used to others doing work to lighten his load (usually, they just pile more work onto him) nor is he used to being spoiled with gifts. Ruggie also knows his way around a first-aid kit as he got into trouble and was roughed up a lot as a kid, so he'll wrap up your wounds while scolding you to be more careful.
#🌸 . Plum Writes#🌿 . Plum Speaks#🎉 . 400 Followers Match-Maker Event!#twisted wonderland#jade leech#ruggie bucchi#warriorspork
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20 questions for writers
i was tagged by @riversofmars (thank you!!)... feel like a little bit of a fraud doing this as i've had major writer's block for nearly two years now and have written virtually nothing during that time, but i'm gonna give it a go anyway 😅
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
14 :))
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
46,344
3. What fandoms do you write for?
doctor who! mostly leaning towards dweu/big finish stuff but i've written some new who fic as well in the past. (i've also been wanting to write something for the pleasant green universe audio series for a while now but as my major fixations on it have all coincided with the aforementioned writer's block that... hasn't happened lmao)
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Wy' ti'n dal i weld cysgodion yn y nos? (67 kudos)
in it together (23 kudos)
The Security Guard, The Scholar, And The Giant Stone Cube (22 kudos)
I Lie Awake And Watch It All (19 kudos)
og um vitt aldrin síggjast meir (18 kudos)
predictably, this includes all of the new who fics i've written, and (bar the third) almost none of the fics i'm actually most proud of lol 😅
(also feel a need to clarify here that the foreign-language titled fics are not actually in those languages, i just use song lyrics as titles a lot and for various reasons over half the music i listen to at any given moment is Not In English, hence the titles being as they are)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
i try to! sometimes i'm a bit delayed with it (i know there's a couple i need to get around to answering rn but before today i hadn't been on my ao3 for... half a year at least?? so i'm a bit behind oops), but i like to get back to everyone who leaves a comment, just to say thanks :)
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
probably hver fer sinn veg - it's set during "the war doctor begins", it was never going to be a happy one lol
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
gei di weld y byd mewn lliw, i think :)
8. Do you get hate on fic?
thankfully no! i've been lucky enough that my experience with fic writing/sharing has been very positive so far <3
9. Do you write smut?
no, it's not really my thing. smut is very honestly just kinda there to me, i don't have strong feelings about it either way, and so it's not something i've ever felt compelled to write yknow??
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
nope! i mainly prefer playing around with canon/canon-adjacent stuff tbh, i've got a couple of unfinished aus hanging around that will probably never see the light of day, but no crossovers that i can think of
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not as far as i'm aware. though to be fair, i don't venture onto fic websites other than ao3 so i'll never know for certain. i doubt it though
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
again, not as far as i know! i'd probably be chill with it though if anyone wanted to translate a fic of mine, provided they asked beforehand and it was one i was comfortable with being translated :)
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
nope! the closest i've got is participating in an event run by a discord server i used to be mildly active in and am technically still part of, which was a lot of fun :D
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
i don't know if i really have an "all-time" favourite as such, but i've written a fair bit for liv and helen from the 8das, and really love their dynamic. i'm also a big fan of leela/romana, but for whatever reason i've never been quite able to make writing them work :/
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?
there's a fair few 😅 the main one I can think of atm is the eldritch helen fic i vaguely remember being asked about on here a couple of years back, it's a concept that i still have a lot of interest in and love for, but i've never quite been able to get the fic itself to work and i fear it may be doomed to the wip pit for eternity :((
i've also got quite a few unfinished pieces of varying lengths with the war-veklin-albert tardis team from "the war doctor begins" hanging around my drive that i'd a) love to finish and b) probably won't; their dynamic and their whole deal as a team whose story takes place mostly off-screen and which we only see the ending of fascinates me. maybe one day i'll manage to do something with it
16. What are your writing strengths?
description :) this is the one thing i am ever consistently happy with in my writing (i am my own harshest critic <3), and i've got a couple of nice comments about it before. so!
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
dialogue - even with characters i know well and whose voices i have clear in my head, i do find it difficult to make dialogue feel really authentic, and it's definitely something i tend to overly fixate on when i'm writing because i'm so conscious of wanting to get it right
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
i'm totally fine with it! as long as it has a reason for being in the story, and isn't like. getting in the way of readers understanding what's going on, i don't see the problem.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
doctor who :)
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
it's probably a tie between The Security Guard, The Scholar, And The Giant Stone Cube (a fic i wrote back in 2021 based on this post about rory and helen theoretically being able to meet each other at the national museum during the pandorica arc, which i loved writing and am still really happy with nearly 3 years later), and mae cuddio dagrau yn fy ngwaed (a bit of a weirder/darker dreamscape-type story; it took a lot of puzzling things out to piece all the different parts together to make something that was cohesive but still felt strange or off in the way dreams do, but i was really pleased with the end result!)
can't think of anyone to tag off the top of my head who hasn't been tagged already, so i'll leave this free for anyone to take part if they want to! :)
#tag game#thanks again for the tag!!#feels a bit odd posting about my writing on here as i don't do it all that often but this was fun!! nice looking back on everything :)
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the nations favorite writer - offer us any advice? going through a writers block rn
oh god i’m so sorry this took me so long, things got crazy for a second and i forgot 😭 thoughts below!
here (1, 2) are a couple posts that seem pretty helpful, but now i’m just gonna talk about what helped me with my last bout of writer’s block because i can still remember it in detail
again this is all just my own observations about myself because that’s kinda all i have—i’m no expert
i had too many other things going on and i did need to cut down on other hobbies a bit (in this case, i had to cut down on rp) because those other things all were...relatively small tasks and they took less time, so my brain would often go “hey what about this short and rewarding task vs this long and intimidating task?”
which goes hand in hand with training your focus—i think my phone really does impact that in a bad way. reading books helps with training focus, as does muscling through. i know muscling through goes contrary to a lot of advice, but it helped me. because a lot of times, i would start writing a scene and go, ‘wow, i hate this!’ but knowing that i didn’t have another idea of what to do, i just kept going until i realized why it felt wrong. and there were like...four or five different breakthroughs like that when i was writing my latest chapter. just ‘OHHHHHHHHH’ moments that i got to only after writing like a thousand or more words that i would not end up putting in the fic. it is NOT always like this but if you’re really blocked, sometimes it’s just cause you’re writing a genuinely emotionally complicated and crucial bit and your brain has to go down the wrong path a few times before it figures out the right one
part of that is figuring out what you feel about your current scene? like, sitting down and writing a certain scene, i would go, ‘no, this feels wrong, i don’t like it, i hate it’ and sure enough my instincts were right. it WAS bad. it was bad because it focused too much on the logistics and details of a side plot when i didn’t want to waste all that precious real estate and audience attention on something that was not connected to the core of my story. but i didn’t fully realize that till i was done. it was still good that i’d written out the long version, because it laid out all the information i needed (plus a bunch i didn’t, but still). idk. i love editing more than writing on a blank page. i love cutting more than i love creating. this may be a me thing.
could also be something went wrong earlier on, like your actual scene idea is quite good but you didn’t lay enough emotional or plot foundation for it to hit as hard as you want it to? reread your previous bits of fic and see if you can find the problem there?
i think peer pressure and/or friendship are huge for this—i don’t mean peer pressure as in ‘silly anti-drug advertisements where all the cool kids try to make you do weed’ i mean ‘hanging out in a community of writers & artists and/or with friends where there’s an atmosphere of people lowkey always working on their craft, whatever that may be’. because truly i think it helps keep writing top of mind & sort of normalizes the emotional struggles. plus the camaraderie is really nice!
my current home of choice is the narcos fandom discord (which is only about 25% about narcos fandom at this point lbr) but i know there’s a ton of different places out there to be a fic writer in community with other fic writers, so take your pick. i will say that not every community is perfect and i think the ideal community strikes a balance between participation & low stress—that is, people support each other but they don’t feel like they have homework-reading they have to do that they’ll get penalized for not doing? yk? i’m rambling whoops
plus, getting a friend that is willing and HAPPY to talk through the fic with you—an editor, a beta reader, something like that—is a godsend. truly without bellinitini/narcolini i would literally not have even published chapter one of my current longfic. but the key is to find someone who genuinely is interested or who is willing to do a bit of a swap; you help them with theirs, they help you with yours.
and then there’s the audience for longfics, which may or may not apply to you. cannot lie, rereading comments, even for previous fics that are unconnected, is extremely motivating! maybe that’s just me! (i don’t think that’s just me) on that note, if you’re feeling real desperate you can always reblog ask games about your WIPs so that you can interact with your audience a bit?
you could always try to take in more art—that’s usually pretty refreshing for me. canon review is great, but taking in other stuff (fictional books especially) can make your brain start thinking in different ways, especially if your brain is a bit spongy like mine and tends to absorb little bits of other writer’s styles if you chug a lot of them. you could try to find books that deal with the same setting, the same themes, or the same relationship dynamics.
so for example, i read colorless tsukuru tazaki and his years of pilgrimage by haruki murakami in prepping for my next chapter of richiefic because richie references it in season 2. and genuinely, reading it made me understand his character a bit better. but i also have a character going to prison, so i have read some of the works of george pelecanos (the novel drama city and several short stories), because pelecanos deals with the justice system in a way that i think is admirably clearsighted, not melodramatic, very honest. i’m fixing to reread some of the parade’s end series because ford madox ford is, to me, one of the greatest of all time when it comes to complicated conversations where two characters are completely legible to the audience—completely understandable—while struggling through emotionally complicated conversations with each other. and i am about to try and get some more books set in women’s prisons + books set in modern day chicago. reading stuff with the context of “i’m about to write something related to this” is such a good way to read stuff, too. just feels really good and sometimes you need a positive feeling when you’re struggling through the depths of depair i mean writer’s block.
movies and tv are good too, though imo they’re not as helpful. i...personally avoid reading other people’s fanfic like the plague if they’re dealing with a specific pairing whose longfic i’m struggling to finish.
just putting it down and coming back in two-three weeks sometimes helps. couldn’t tell you why.
and finally. you could always drop the fic. it feels shitty for a while, but if the muse has genuinely left you for good, you deserve to enjoy the freedom instead of just like...struggling onwards indefinitely. this has happened to me with longfics before and it always makes me sad. but sometimes there is genuinely nothing you can do, and in those cases, forgive yourself <3 this is a hobby, after all
my top three recommended tactics, without knowing details of your situation, are: talk with a friend/editor, take in more art, muscle through. in that order.
i hope that helped??? i’m very sorry about your writer’s block, it’s the worst thing in the world. and i’m sorry that it took me so long, i need to be more organized
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hey y’all ,,, so i wanted to make an update post to get this off my chest and i wanna be completely transparent with you guys ,, BTW don’t get scared or anything sjsjsjs it’s nothing huge or serious but i do wanna let you guys know this in case there’s smth to prepare for in the future ig ,, sjsjsjs
so it’s been pretty obvious that i haven’t written in a wHILE SJJSJ ,, ik for some it may not seem very long, as it hasn’t even been a month since i’ve released new work, but for me, as a writer who tried to get at least one work out a week, this doesn’t feel v good sjsjsjsjs and throughout this season of not posting any new content, i’ve noticed i’ve lost a lot of followers, at times, losing more than gaining, which ik i shouldn’t let matter v much, but inevitably, unfortunately it does play a part in the way i feel about my blog. and during this time, i’ve gone through lots of thoughts about my writing and my future with writing ,, and i’m just going to be completely transparent with you guys and honest, but basically this included/includes losing confidence in my writing, and even questioning whether i want to keep writing or not. there’s some personal reasons behind this which i’d rather not disclose, at least not for now, but who knows ,, maybe this is just a phase of writer’s block and burn out.
also, it’s almost jake’s birthday and being the jake simp i am, i’m going to post a piece on his birthday, but the fact that his day is coming up also actually made me question whether i wanna post smth for him or not,, sjsjsj but i have come to the decision that i will be posting a work on his birthday, and if i’m being honest, jake is my muse for a lot of my ideas sjsjsj (woah what a surprise 😱) yet despite this, it’s still been difficult to produce this piece bc of the current state my mind is still in about my writing. i might even end up scrapping what i have rn and write smth much shorter, but we’ll see how i end up doing shsjsj
but yeah, some thoughts i have to maybe fix whatever you wanna call this ,,, writer’s block, whatever,, if i do want to write more, is to maybe open requests again so i have a motivator to push me to get work out and so that i’m not just running on my own ideas, which can be challenging sometimes. and a thought i had on this, which is still very up in the air for whether i wanna actually implement this is that i think it would be kinda fun to open requests on a regular basis, such as like every weekend for just a few hours,, smth like that,,, another possibility if i don’t end up opening requests, i was thinking of possibly just continuing taking a break from writing like i am rn and just come out with new works occasionally, whenever i get inspiration for new fics.
in all of this being said, i do want to also announce that i will be putting my series the bachelorette on hold as of now. sorry to make you all wait. your anticipation makes me rlly excited for the series, but i can’t bring myself to write it rn, i’m sorry :(
so to summarize, this is NOT a quitting writing announcement post sjsjsjsn i’m not going anywhere, as of now, but in terms of me writing, i do feel uncertain of what i want to do for the future bc of several reasons, but right now, i feel like i need a little bit more of a break <//3 but i will get a jake fic up on his birthday in a few days.
i hope this all makes sense, and i appreciate all of you who read up til the end of this post and for understanding. if you have any questions or words of encouragement or anything like that, i’m still here and am not planning to go anywhere for a while :) i love you guys, thanks for reading <3
#this post is so emo dsjkdksj i'm so sorry#feel free to interact with this post to lmk you've read it :) thanks for doing so and for understanding guys <3#also this was A LOT SDKJKSDJK#which means#i feel like i’m forgetting smth :D#but this is long enough as is so i’ll just leave it as this sjsnsjjs#thanks for reading <3#em speaks
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time for the 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ! 🪽 —
𖤐 first things first , as soon as my masterlist is made (im lazy rn sorry) it’ll be added to the bottom of this post. i think all my rules are pretty clear and should be common sense but please read through all of them before requesting or interacting with my page ! dont skip or skim.
໑ don’t copy my work. i’m not even that secure in my own work yet , so for someone to copy it would be rly annoying for me & embarrassing for them. also don’t translate , change , edit , or upload my work anywhere else. tumblr is the only platform i write on.
𖤐 dni (do not interact) if — you’re racist (im black & very proud + my y/n’s are usually also black coded) , under 18 (sorry not sorry but i write and interact with nsfw content, so it’s just awkward & inappropriate) , homophobic , fatphobic , sexist (any of the ists/isms/phobics tbh) , or simply a dickhead (ex : sending hate , starting drama — im not here for any negativity).
໑ i’ve been a reader for a long time & i’ve seen a lot of writers get bombarded with anonymous hate , so if you’re one of those you will be blocked. if ur gonna hate at least don’t be scary abt it :p
𖤐 i ask for feedback a lot , but that isn’t an invitation to harshly criticize me or my work. only constructive criticism (when asked) is allowed pls & thank you !
𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 ..
໑ i’ve been wanting to write ever since i was 15 , and even though the type of writing i do on here is more of a hobby — i do take it srsly but i still wanna have fun ! + sorry in advance but i am a procrastinator/kind of a slow writer ..
𖤐 likes are appreciated , but (i learned recently) reblogs are better ! if u enjoy my work be sure to do both :p
໑ i never block anyone for no reason. if u find urself blocked & wanna know why or u can’t reach me , contact me here ! (my main @/anglism messages are for mutuals only! u are still free to send asks ofc)
info/rules for 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐒 ! 🪽 —
𖤐 like i mentioned before , i am a slow writer. i can go for days at a time not writing (im trying to fix that) so keep that in mind when requesting. also , i may not write/create the thing you’re asking for. depending on a lot of things — if it interests me , if i don’t have time for it , etc. so please dont spam the same ask over and over again , or get upset with me. i am a human not a machine.
໑ i do/will age up characters , but only based on their canon birthdays. (ex : yuji was born in 2003 , so in a modern/future jjk au i would age him up.)
𖤐 my “y/n” (or reader) will usually be black coded & short , sometimes chubby as well bc that is what i most relate to ! i can try and keep it vague but im definitely (mostly) catering to my black girlies !
໑ what i will not write. —
amab/male reader , incest , necrophilia , r@pe , drugging , character x character , pegging , rim jobs , age regr. , ddlg , feet kinks , non-consenual recording , g@ng bangs , lactation/breast feeding , scat/piss kink , domestic abuse , pet play , mpreg , bestiality , eating disorders (an eating disorder page followed me a while ago & i dont fw that shit very specifically), master/slave , heavy bleeding/gore , suic*de.
𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐄𝐘/𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐗 — aka my tags !
★ ˙.໑ . — 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦!
general tag for my main , every post (unless i forget) will have this.
★ ˙.໑ .🪽 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — 📌 pinned!
you should only see this once, on my main pinned.
★ ˙.໑ .🪽 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — 💌 fyp!
a reblog from my fyp specifically.
★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { character name }
general tag for the specific character. (not always a written work, ex : my character boards.)
★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { 💌 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍—mail }
general tag for my responses to anonymous asks.
★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { 💌 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋—mail }
general tag for my responses to my mutuals.
★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { 💌 mail }
general tag for my responses to asks that are neither anonymous or from mutuals.
🕯️ ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈 !
navigation for both my main & sideblog.
⌨️ ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒 !
specifically for my updates/rambles that mention something my followers should know/be updated on.
🖋️ ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒 !
specifically for a post that is a fic , oneshot , drabble , thirst. aka written by me !
🎐 ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 !
me talking .. :0
📸 ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐒
(lens) specifically for reblogged pictures , art , graphics , etc.
💌 ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒
general tag for anything i reblog.
🐈⬛ — 𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥 ∞
general tag for my sideblog.
— tags are subject to change/new additions.
thats it for now , but im sure as (if) my page grows things will be changed + added ! ⇒ masterlist. (link will be added when its complete.)
©eternangl under anglism. — GO BACK IF YOU DID NOT FULLY READ MY RULES. PLEASE & TY !
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your therapist’s office is a shitty place to conduct a craft workshop on life writing so you should go to hell instead, pt 1.
Thinking a lot about that bog of an intersection between the craft of autoficition and the introspective capacity that seems required to narrate the blindspots of trauma. wrestling with the chasm that exists between a life and a narrative. the cultural insistence that one be imposed upon the other (and vice versa) does not, as it turns out, make them the same thing. thinking then about how forms of life writing, memoir, autofiction, etc.. are always an imposition of form onto the dizzying formlessness of one’s life. by which I mean to say mine.
I’ve been pushing my rock up Mt. Autofiction for a few months now, and in this case I suppose the rock is the notion of plot as a formal constraint on lived experience. I admit a stubborn aversion to writing autofiction from the place of an I, though that may be because I truly do believe that all life writing is an exercise in POV not dissimilar from the kind of introspective self-objectification that happens in therapy.
That’s to say, you’ve got to find a way to look at yourself (but you only have one set of eyes and you don’t even like 3D movies because the goggles they give you at the theater don’t work with your glasses and everything gets fuzzy in the periphery, which gives you a headache). To write about yourself, your life, requires a kind of double vision.
Over the last few months, I’ve been feverishly reading and re-reading The Divine Comedy, returning often to my favorite cantos from the Inferno. I have vivid memories of being 7 or 8 years old and lying on the couch that served as my bed at my dad’s newly-established bachelor pad while he read the fourth canto aloud to me. The one where Virgil introduces Dante to all the classical poets and great philosopher kings living in a dope penthouse on some prime real estate in the first circle of Hell. I don’t think my dad had gotten around to setting up the TV yet. Recalling that fact of my early bedside eduction in the classics makes me feel like slightly less of a narcissist when I wonder whether it’s inevitable for MFA students to at some point find themselves asking “wait, so am I like... basically Dante rn?”
As I’ve been toiling away on this manuscript, I’ve found the greatest difficulty to be something like a confusion of actors.
Asking myself questions like: who, exactly, occupies the role of our Orpheus? And.. wait- was it even Orpheus, or was it Dante? (An actor of fated retrieval, the one who descends with a purpose.) And: what does plot know of the partial protagonist, the one who is two apart? (Here’s where I admit that I always preferred Stevenson’s Treasure Island to The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.)
I’ve been keeping notes as I go back through the Comedy. Ruminating on the the world of the Inferno. Thinking about the ways that Hell, too, is a world of double vision—there’s Dante the writer and Dante the Pilgrim, I and I — down below in the realm of shades. How poetry is itself is a thing in-two, a muse of Mercury.
And the shades that live in the underworld — those figures that drift about, sometimes speaking, sometimes wailing, telling the Pilgrim and his guide of their sins and explaining why they’re here, what they did—also get doubled. These figures made of anguish and shadow are that which block the very light the travelers seek. But they’re also the ones with the stories, the flickering television screens through which the full vision of Hell is relayed to Dante, fizzling up through the poem to be transmitted to the world above. They exist in-double: both static and transmission in one; shade and light; fact, and its forgetting.
But this is my blog and I get to be Dante now, looking at my life, looking at myself as I look at myself. A girl folded over a body, eyes crossing into twin vision.
***
I’ve more to say on this and a lot more ruminations on Dante, but I’ll stop here for now because Infinity Pool comes out on Friday and I can’t think about anything else.
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HELLO AINTOT CONGRATS AKING ANAKINS🤩⁉️
as for the match up event! fandom is genshin ofc ;)) my mbti is enfp, sun sign is libra, then moon sign is aries and ascendant is pisces. my enneagram is 7w6. i dont think i have a hobby though but i do enjoy reading (fictional stories only hehe) and probably writing too but like writer's block is with me rn💔💔💔 i wanna learn how to draw too! lalo na water color or painting! i used to crochet but not anymore since i dont have yarns el oh el im still a beginner btw
i am a read >>> watch type of person. i dont watch movies or like im just not interested in watching bc its probably i have a short attention span? tbh idk when's the last time i watched a movie. i am a night owl >>> early bird. i hate waking up lalo na sa mornings (f2f is coming, gonna cry) i am also a vanilla flavor >>> chocolate flavor person. idk but even though vanilla is plain i eat it up everytime. but cookies n cream is top tier. no one can change my mind.
i am interested in psychology or anything that revolves around personality (psych is probably my course in college). idk how to describe my self but i am more of a humss girl than stem girl bc math and science is boo👎👎👎 (dont come at me, im just bad at it)
im not really a hard worker or anything. more so, i am probably lazy and a procrastinator. i do everything the last minute. i am the type of person who chill first before doing things. i go with the flow and try to be friendly, kind and nice at all times. i am probably a ppl pleaser (but i wont admit that) bc i dont like it when ppl feel upset bc of me or they just don't like me. i am mostly passive agressive. idk how to be direct. i cant confront ppl and i most likely keep my thoughts to myself bc others might disagree or criticize me or i might hurt them unintentionally like i said i dont like ppl hating me. i feel satisfied and happy whenever i help someone :DD
i am an extrovert shy di lang halata. i can be the loudest, bubbly and chaotic person in the room but also the most awkward and shyest. i adjust accordingly to the atmosphere or mood of the room.
as for the emotional or personal something. i am an idk person like?? im not really mentally ill or depressed or sad i think and i am not that super duper happy either. im just fine...? idk if you get me but that's it. i am just okay. im just simply existing is all i know lol pls ignore this idk too
as you may know ain, i have a hard time opening up my feelings too. i prefer to be alone and shut my world than to solve a conflict together bc like i just cant and that's not good </33
i think thats all? it's pretty long na im sorry huhu and idk what else to say bc i am confused abt myself too. congrats again ain my ex-child! wishing more milestone to you beh! lablab (づ￣ ³￣)づ
pls match me up with someone that im compatible with and not with someone i love huhu iykyk ;) i mean pwede din naman if sa tingin mo compatible!
Written for you,
Hey how have you been doing? I won't bother asking how you feel after what happened, I'm sorry if it felt like I was putting my work first before you.
My first priorities may look like it's my job but it's you! though it doesn't seem that way, you're more important to me than anything else.
I'm sorry I made you feel that way all those days ago and remained completely clueless as to why you were acting so differently, I'm sorry okay?
A letter like this isn't the best way to apologize so I hope you and me could talk something out sometime soon?
thoma,
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Hi there! For the ao3 wrapped:
3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?
6. Favorite title you used
27. What do you listen to while writing?
29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?
Hi! Thank you so much for the ask <3
3. This one was quite hard to choose 'cause I've been having a hard time with writer's block this year so I'm proud of actually finishing my stories. BUT if I had to choose, it'd be The Aftermath (despite having not finished and having a major writer's block on it rn) or When I'm Feeling Down, You're Always Around for the irondad fandom and So Much Younger Yesterday for the AFTG fandom. They had aspects I'd never written so it was interesting to get out of my comfort zone.
6. I'd say When I'm Feeling Down, You're Always Around 'cause I had absolutely NO idea what to put as a title and then the song Butterfly by Sody started playing and that verse fit really well with the fic.
27. Honestly, everything and anything. Youtube Music has this "My Supermix" feature where they combine what you have listened to in the past and the present and music the AI thinks you might like. I've found really cool songs through there. Sometimes, though, I feel a little bit too stimulated and can NOT write with music. It honestly depends on the day.
29. I think this one is much harder than the first question. This past year my writing has become more character study than anything else so there's a few good ones.
In When I'm Feeling Down, You're Always Around I ended up putting a bit of my own grief issues and ended up with this passage:
“I don’t think I got to mourn them completely, you know,” May continued in a whisper but much steadier than before. “I was so busy helping Peter through his grief that I only let myself cry once or twice a month. It’s like I created a wall around the subject, and by the time Peter was better, I didn’t even try to open the door to peek inside. I simply felt its heaviness but chose to ignore it. I guess today’s events opened the door, and now I can’t seem to shut it.”
There's also this one from an unreleased rewrite of Serendipity that I'm currently working on. Dunno if it count's, but I'll count it.
For Mary, running was a necessity. Something they had to do otherwise they would be killed by Nathan. At the time, young Neil hadn’t realized it, but running became a constant. No matter where in the world they were, he could always get out from wherever they were staying and run around for a little while.
It was how his heartbeat quickened with every step he took, the way the air hit his skin and entered his lungs combined that Neil could find peace in moments of great stress. It was the only time Neil could feel like himself. No fake names, or fake backstories, or fake hair colors, or fake eye colors. He was himself. He had nothing to worry about except how far he could go before his legs gave out.
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