#I made magic for my kids and want to share magic and delight with you too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boobo13cambridge · 1 year

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Magic Kingdom | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x f.Reader

Warnings: Penetrative sex, fingering, kissing, breeding kink, no condom (wrap it before you tap it folks).

Summary: After spending the day at Disneyland Paris with his niece and nephew, Kylian wants to start a family with you

A/N: Hello, everyone! Sorry for posting this so late in the day, I got caught up with work. As always, I hope you enjoy it. I quite enjoyed this one because I’m such a sucker for Kylian with kids.

The sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky as you entered Disneyland Paris holding Kylian's niece close to your chest, the vibrant colors of the park's attractions and decorations catching your eye, and making the little girl squeal with joy. Kylian walked ahead with his nephew, eager to explore the different lands of the park. The air was warm and the breeze was refreshing, the sweet smell of pastries making your mouth subtly water. It was the perfect day to enjoy all the rides and experiences the park had to offer.

As you walked through the park, you were struck by the vibrant colors and delightful sounds of Disney magic all around you. You and the kids marveled at the elegant architecture of Main Street, U.S.A, with its charming shops and cafes, and then ventured into Adventureland, Frontierland, and Fantasyland to explore more of the park's wonders.

Walking by the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups ride, Kylian's niece tugged on his sleeve. "Tonton Kyky, est-ce qu'on peut aller sur ce manège, s'il te plaît?" ("Uncle Kyky, can we go on that ride, please?")

Kylian smiled down at her. "Bien sûre, ma petite poule. On y vas!" ("Of course, my little chicken. Let's go!")

As you all made your way over to the ride, skipping through the long line as you had made sure to buy the fast passes, your heart swelled with love and admiration for your husband. It was clear to you that despite being one of the greatest footballers in the world, he never let his busy schedule interfere with being a loving and devoted husband.

Watching him interact with his brother's children, Kylian's niece and nephew, was a true testament to his character. He was patient, playful, and always put their needs first. Seeing him be so caring and attentive made you dream about starting a family of your own with him.

As you all climbed aboard the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups, you found yourself lost in thoughts about the future, imagining Kylian spinning around with your own children, making them giggle with delight just like he did with his niece and nephew. It was a sweet and tender moment, and you knew in your heart that Kylian would make an amazing father.

"This is going to be so much fun!" exclaimed Kylian's nephew breaking you from your reverie as you all sat in the pretty pink teacup, as requested by little Lana.

"I know, I can't wait!" replied Kylian's niece, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

You and Kylian shared a smile, both feeling happy to be able to share this experience with his family. Kylian's little 4-year-old niece was holding onto you tightly as the ride spun faster and faster. The colors of the ride blended together in a dizzying and exhilarating whirlwind. Kylian bit his lip noticing how well you took care of his niece, and he couldn't help but dream about how nice of a mother you would be.

As the ride came to an end, you all stumbled out of the tea cups, still a little disoriented but filled with a sense of pure joy and laughter.

"That was so cool!" Kylian's niece exclaimed, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"I know, right? Let's do it again!" added Kylian's nephew.

You all shared a laugh, happy to have created such a fun memory together. As you made your way through the park, you stopped to take photos with the characters, capturing memories that would last a lifetime. The kids were especially excited to meet their favorite Disney princesses and heroes, and the look of pure joy on their faces was priceless. Throughout the day, you felt Kylian giving you these discreet looks that you couldn't quite figure out what they meant and he was usually very easy to read. You also noticed how extra-touchy he was.

Kylian usually kept his hands to himself when the kids were around but since you got off the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups ride, he was extra affectionate. A lingering kiss here, and a discreet pat on your behind. You finally caught on to his behavior when Lana had accidentally spilled her juice all over her beautiful Princess Ariel dress while you were all sitting down to eat at Casey's Corner. She got teary-eyed and looked up at you, "Tati, I ruined my dress!" You immediately comforted her and reassured her, "It's okay, Lana. Accidents happen. Let's go get you a new dress, okay?"

As you got up to find the nearest boutique, Kylian staying behind to clean up the spilled juice you caught the way he looked at you and Lana with such wistfulness and longing that even a blind person would have caught on to what he wanted. You were sure you were blushing to the tips of your hair, your heart filled with warmth and love. Shaking your head, you switched your focus to the still upset little girl holding your hand, putting thoughts of little babies with your husband’s dimples to the back of your mind.

As the day wore on, you took breaks to enjoy refreshing drinks and tasty treats like popcorn and cotton candy, and then continued to explore the park's many attractions, including the magnificent Sleeping Beauty Castle. As the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, you and Kylian found a spot to watch the enchanting Disney Illuminations show, with its stunning projections and dazzling fireworks illuminating the night sky. The children, tightly secured in your arms after a brief argument about who would get to sit in Tati or Tonton’s lap, were entranced, and as you looked at each other, you couldn't help but feel a wave of pure love and affection wash over you both.

Back home, the kids tucked into bed after an exciting trip to Disneyland, you and and your husband snuggled into bed. You had one leg thrown over his strong thighs as you rested your head onto his naked toned chest relaxing to the comforting sound of his heartbeat.

"I had such a great time today, mon amour." Kylian said as he stroked your hair his chin resting on the top of your head.

"Me too," you replied. "It was so much fun to see the kids' faces light up."

Kylian paused for a moment before speaking again. "You know, spending the day with them made me realize something."

"What's that?" you asked curiously, sleepily nuzzling into his chest.

"I…uh…I was thinking about how I wanted to start a family with you," Kylian said slightly stuttering, as you felt your heart stop for a second. You looked up at him seeing the way he was nervously chewing on his bottom lip. "Really? Are you sure?" you asked, unsure of how to respond, not like you weren’t secretly fantasizing about that the whole day and you were pretty sure he caught on to that.

Kylian nodded, gently stroking your lower back. "I've been thinking about it for a while now, and today just seeing you with the kids made me want it all the more."

You snorted while fiddling with the silver chain with your initials you got him for your second anniversary which he never took off. " Yeah, baby, you were really subtle about it today."

Lightly pinching your waist, he rolled his eyes. “Yes, because you were so subtle mademoiselle, blushing every time I looked at you.”

You giggled and leaned into his touch, feeling a wave of desire wash over you. Kylian's eyes flickered with amusement before turning serious. "I'm serious, though. I want to start a family with you."

Your heart swelled with love for him, and you felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes. "I want that too, Kylian. More than anything."

He leaned down to capture your lips in a soft, sweet kiss, his hand moving up to cup your cheek. You responded eagerly, deepening the kiss and wrapping your arms around his neck. You had made love countless times before, but this felt different. It was as if you were cementing your commitment to each other and to the future you were planning.

Breaking the kiss, Kylian gazed into your eyes, his own filled with love and longing. "I want to make love to you," he whispered, his voice husky and filled with emotion. Your heart fluttered at his words, feeling a heat building within you as he began to trail kisses down your neck, causing shivers to run down your spine.

Your hands scratched the back of his head causing him to let out a sinful groan that sent streaking pleasure deep to your core, fluttering emptily. He hovered over you, his wet lips trailing kissing down your chest over the fabric of the silky black nightgown you were wearing wetting to fabric with his eager tongue, leaving you breathless with his touch.

“You’re so perfect, mon coeur. Je t’aime si fort,”, he whispered against your covered nipple making you whimper his name as his hands trailed over your legs lifting your gown up and revealing more of your soft flesh. You slightly arched your back off the bed to help him take the silky fabric off, leaving you naked under his smoldering gaze. He gently cupped your cheek his thumb sweeping tenderly across the soft skin, a deep contrast with the dangerously molten desire swirling in his dark eyes.

“Ma femme,” his voice said, finally, so low that it was almost a sigh. That one word alone ignited a flame of passion so intense, you were scared you were never going to come back from it. This moment here with him felt almost sacred, it was as if everything in your life led you here, in a penthouse in the middle of Paris, lying naked as the moonlight from the large window illuminated your body, and this beautiful, beautiful man looking down at you as you embarked on a path that would leave you intertwined with him for eternity.

Just as you started to feel overwhelmed, he was all over you. His hands were on your skin, gripping and circling around both breasts at once, pushing against your hard nipples, as he whispered sweet nothings against your heart making your toes curl and dragging hungry moans from your throat.

He slowly trailed his hand down your belly, giving it an extra caress as it would be his child’s new home, and cupping your swollen flesh making you groan his name. His fingers trailed through your wetness as he opened up your folds and found the little nub, rubbing it back and forth. You arched your back, the pleasure zapping up your spine as you lost yourself in him. “Ky…Kylian… Fuck, j’ai besoin de toi,” you practically sobbed as he pressed his forehead against yours, his hot breath on your face making you lose your mind from desire. (“Ky…Kylian… Fuck, I need you,” )

“Tu es que à moi, mon amour. Juste à moi,” he whispered, his words leaving your heart a mess. Kylian slowly slid two of his fingers deep into your swollen, wet pussy, preparing you for him as you cried out in pleasure due to the intrusion. ("You are only mine, my love. Only mine.")

“Fuck, bébé. You’re so tight for me,” he moaned into your mouth, his tongue tangling with yours as he scissored his fingers to stretch you out, creating an inferno that had you reeling. You cling to his broad, warm shoulders, feeling the shift of hard muscle as your husband curves his fingers upward finding that special spot inside you that has your thighs shaking. “I’m go-going to cum, baby…please.”

You’re writhing in his hold as he continues to invade you and push you towards your peak. Tears start to build in the corner of your eyes as the pressure builds up inside you. It only takes another flick of his wrist, to send you spiralling towards completion as you shout his name. Kylian continues to pump his fingers, helping you ride out your high.

Feeling sensitive, you gently push on his chest signalling him to stop. He slowly takes his finger out of your wet core and pushed the sticky hair back from your forehead. Tenderly, he pecks your nose, cheek, and finally your lips. “Let me put a baby in you, mon amour, yeah? I want to see you swollen with my child,” he groans lustfully. “Tell me you want that, bébé. Tell me you want my child in you.”

“Yes, Ky. I want your baby, only yours,” you moan wrapping your legs around his waist as you feel him rolling his hips into yours, his clothing member rubbing your drenched mound. “I want you to get me pregnant, please Ky.”

You trail your hands down his back, struggling to take his tight briefs off. Taking the hint, Kylian gently unwound your legs from around him and quickly takes them off throwing them somewhere in the bedroom. He stands over you, his large, swollen cock, standing straight up, the tip wet with precum. You let out an embarrassingly loud moan at the sight of him stroking his generous length up and down.

“Beg me, bébé,” he says lost in the sight of you spread open for him, your hole clenching in front of his eyes. “Beg me to fill you.”

God, you were losing it. “Please, Kylian. Fill me up, I want you inside me so bad.”

Throwing his head back at your pleading, he nudges your legs, spreading you wider, and trails his length through your wet folds, tapping your clit, sending shudders down your spine. Just as you were about to beg him again, he presses that hot, leaking hardness into you, delving it between your wet lips and spreading them apart, oh putain.

A loud moan erupted from your throat as your husband entered your heat, immediately he put a hand over your mouth, shushing you gently. “Bébé, as much as I want you screaming my name, the kids are asleep.”

Through the hefty fog of lust and desire that had engulfed your brain, the thought that his innocent niece and nephew were sleeping peacefully down the hall pierced through you, cooling the flame of passion slightly. You nodded your head at his words, as he continued to slide through, as your walls struggled to fit his thick length. He was huge. There was always so much of him.

“Putain, bébé,” he gasped in that deep voice of his that had you clenching even tighter all around him. “You’re always so fuckin’ good for me.”

He finally bottomed out inside, your sweaty bodies wedged tight together, spread thighs flush against his hips, the bulging weight of his balls pressing against you from below. He waited, letting you adjust to him, always the gentleman, before you nodded at him, giving him the go.

Gripping you tight, he dragged himself out, slowly, and then sank back in with a single driving thrust of his hips, shit. You had to bite down on your lip so hard, you were pretty sure you broke through the skin, to stop yourself from letting out something alarmingly close to a scream. It was so good, particularly when he let out those breathtaking deep groans right in her ear.

“Ky, more. Please,” you gasped, pushing his butt with your feet. And just like the caring, attentive husband he was, answered your wish and sped up his thrusts. Dragging his leaking cock back, and then rapidly slamming hard inside, sending a blast of screaming shattering ecstasy through your body.

“Oh, God. Ky, faster. I want you so bad,” you pleaded as tears escaped your eyes. Kylian looked at your teary face contorted with pleasure and went feral as he crashed his mouth onto yours devouring your soul. His huge cock ploughing through her wet cunt and his heavy cum-filled balls slapping her ass, the filthy sound of their love-making resounding in the dark room. “Take it, bébé. I’m going to fill you up so good,” he growled biting her lip, soothing it immediately with his tongue. “You’re going to look so beautiful round with my child. Take it, princesse, Fuckin’ take it.”

You were going crazy, your heart was ramming into your chest as you felt searing white-hot pleasure spread through your body. “I’m cumming, fuck, Kylian,” you muffled your moans in his neck, as you felt your cunt spasming around his hot length. “Cum for me, princesse,” he groaned as his hips stuttered, his own orgasm racing through him. Just as you were spiraling, your mind dizzy from the force of your own release, you felt his hot cum splattering your walls, filling you with his seed as his sinful moans invaded your hearing. You felt so sensitive, but Kylian continued to thrust, pushing his cum inside you as it started to leak.

As he felt himself getting overstimulated, he got off of your, slowly taking his cock from your battered pussy making sure to push back his fertile cum that escaped. “Gotta make sure it sticks, bébé,” he said making you let out an exhausted giggle. As he laid down beside you, after putting a pillow under your hips as you heard it helped with getting pregnant, he lovingly stroked your hair placing a gentle hand on your belly, basking in the afterglow of your love-making.

“I love you so much, mon ange,” he said delicately, eyes filled with love and affection. Turning to look at the man who stole your heart two years ago in the most unexpected way, you cupped his cheek, placing a soft kiss on his nose. “I love you more, baby. I hope I’m pregnant right now.”

Chuckling, he took the pillow from underneath your hips as it had been ten minutes and pulled you into his arms. “T’inquiète, mon amour. After all, I am known for always shooting on target,” he said cheekily, making you laugh. “Ah, oui. How could I forget? Meilleur buteur du PSG, n’est-ce-pas?”

("Ah, yes. How could I forget? The top scorer of PSG, yeah?")

As you lay tangled in each other's arms, you both knew that this was just the beginning of a new chapter in your lives, one filled with love, laughter, and the joy of starting a family together.

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clangenrising · 9 days

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Month 14 - Newleaf

“It’s almost time,” Fogkit muttered to herself. She enjoyed muttering, especially if there was no one there to listen. It made her feel like she was five steps ahead. And today, she was. She had spent all week making spells out of prey scraps and mud and moth wings and such in preparation for today.

Last night, Goldenstar had told her and Slatekit that they would be apprenticed at dawn. She had risen early to groom her fur and scatter feathers around the camp for good luck. Now she sat hunched in the dark, hidden in the grass near the nursery, waiting for dawn. The sky was starting to turn a soft, pretty pink.

A few cats were up and about, likely waiting just like she was. She watched as Floodpaw slank out of the apprentices’ den and arched his back in a long, lanky curve, and she brightened. She bolted for him and slipped underneath him to poke her head out between his forelegs so she could look up at him.

He jumped and said, “Yikes, kid! What are you doing up so early?”

“Um, I’m gonna be apprenticed,” Fogkit rolled her eyes. “Duh!” He rolled his eyes in return and sat down on top of her. She squealed in delight and thrashed wildly.

“Huh,” he said, “where did Fogkit go?”

“I’m here!” she screamed, kicking with all her might. He winced but stayed where he was.

“Fogkit?” he called. “Oh, Fogkit! Man, that’s a shame. She’s gonna miss her ceremony.”

“No!” she giggled. “No, I can’t!” She rolled onto her back as best she could and kicked hard with both legs. Floodpaw gave a grunt of pain and tumbled off of her immediately. She laughed and sprang on him where he lay curled in a pained ball.

“Take that!” she declared, swiping at his ears.

The apprentice simply wheezed, “Good kick…”

Fogkit laughed and sat down to smooth out her fur again. Floodpaw was so much fun. Sparrowpaw and Barleypaw poked their heads out of the den and Fogkit waved her tail at them with a chipper smile.

“Everything alright out here?” Sparrowpaw asked, raising a brow.

“Yep!” she purred.

“Mhm,” groaned Floodpaw.

Barleypaw laughed and sat down next to her brother to purr against his side. “She must have got you pretty good.”

“Only ‘cause he sat on me,” Fogkit said.

“Oh, then I guess he deserved it,” Sparrowpaw smirked.

“Go hug a badger,” grumbled Floodpaw, finally managing to uncurl his body.

“Fogkit!” Slatekit’s voice squeaked from across the camp. Fogkit turned to smile at her sister and waved her over. Slatekit hesitated but crossed the distance to huddle beside her.

“Hey!” Fogkit said, “You excited?”

“Mm,” Slatekit whimpered in lieu of an answer.

“You’ll do great,” Barleypaw said. “I was super nervous at my ceremony too but it’s really not that scary.” Slatekit whimpered again.

“It’s okay,” Fogkit said confidently. “I’ve been doing spells all week to make sure we get the best mentors.”

“Spells?” Sparrowpaw blinked in surprise.

“Yeah!” Fogkit brightened. “Mystique told us all about how wild cats do magic spells to help their friends and curse their enemies. She didn’t know how to do them but I figured it out, I think.”

“Is that so?” Barleypaw seemed apprehensive. Floodpaw laughed.

Slatekit nodded. “Yeah, she said that wild cats are magic. We’re wild cats, right?”

“That is what the city calls Clan cats, yes,” said Sparrowpaw, “but-”

“Yeah!” Fogkit said, eager to share with them. “Magic is easy, you just have to get the right stuff and then think really hard about what you want to happen and sometimes put the stuff in a special place or something! I can show you guys sometime.”

“I’m good,” snorted Floodpaw.

“Maybe…” Barleypaw laughed awkwardly. “We’ve got to train for our final assessments though.”

“Oh, yeah,” Fogkit frowned. “You’re not gonna be in the apprentice den with us for very long…”

“Yeah,” said Sparrowpaw, “but you’ll be warriors before you know it. Time flies like that.”

Goldenstar’s voice rang out through the camp. “Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the Stoneperch for a Clan meeting!”

“It’s happening!” squealed Fogkit, bouncing on her toes. Slatekit whined nervously.

“Come on, lets go sit closer,” Barleypaw said, wrapping her tail over Slatekit’s shoulders. The group of them moved in to join the other cats who trickled out of their dens and settled in a semicircle around the Stoneperch. Goldenstar sat atop the stone, her fur glowing under the creeping light of dawn. Fogkit kneaded the ground in anticipation.

“Today,” Goldenstar began, “we name two apprentices who have been waiting eagerly for this moment. Fogkit, Slatekit, you have reached the age of six moons and that means it’s time for you to start your training towards becoming warriors. From this day on, until you receive your warrior names, you will be known as Fogpaw and Slatepaw.” Everyone cheered, chorusing their new names. Slatepaw blushed and tried to stand up tall. Fogpaw didn’t stop looking at Goldenstar. She wasn’t going to be satisfied until she heard who her mentor would be.

“Slatepaw,” said Goldenstar, “for your mentor, I have chosen someone who has proven himself to be a kind and gentle mentor in the past. I entrust your training to Pantherhaze and hope that you will be able to rely on him when times are tough.”

Pantherhaze stepped out of the crowd, smiling softly. Slatepaw swallowed and stepped up to meet him. Fogpaw could see her trembling as they touched noses. He whispered something to her and she nodded. Fogpaw was happy with the pair. It seemed her spell had paid off.

“Fogpaw,” Goldenstar’s voice brought her back to attention. “Your mentor will be Scorchplume.” Fogpaw’s jaw fell open in surprise. She hadn’t realized that was an option. “Scorchplume, while this is your first apprentice, I am confident you will be able to teach Fogpaw how to excel at any pursuit she puts her mind to.”

Scorchplume swished her big, ginger tail up over her back and strode into the circle to meet Fogpaw. Fogpaw was frozen for a moment, unsure. Was this really what her magic had decided was the best mentor for her?

She glanced around at the other cats, the ones without apprentices. Branchbark, Aldertail, and Ospreymask all sat together near the edge. Ospreymask looked especially disappointed. Fogpaw realized that she wouldn’t want any of them to be her teacher. She looked back at Scorchplume who had raised her brows expectantly and tried to see through her expression to her aura. Scorchplume was bold and sharp and pretty. She was the only cat to have gone to the city and come back safely. Yes, Fogpaw decided, this was the perfect mentor for her.

Grinning, Fogpaw stepped up and presented her nose for Scorchplume to touch with her own. The warrior gave an amused humm and did so. The touch sent an electric shock through Fogpaw’s nose and she recoiled to rub at it with her paw. Scorchplume wrinkled her nose at the sensation. That had to mean something, right?

“We’re tied now,” she mumbled to Scorchplume, “you and me.”

“Really, now?” Scorch whispered back.

“With that, our meeting is concluded,” Goldenstar said. “Congratulations, Fogpaw and Slatepaw!” Another round of cheering went up for the both of them. Fogpaw looked around the circle and felt tears swelling within her. All of their will, all of their passion, was behind her now, driving her forward. She could almost feel StarClan’s presence on her back. I promise, Mama, she vowed, imagining spellwork being woven into every word, I’m going to become the best warrior there is. I’ll make you proud.

UPDATES: - Fogkit and Slatekit are made apprentices. Fogpaw is apprenticed to Scorchplume! Slatepaw is apprenticed to Pantherhaze!

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briar-rolfes-research-oubliette · 2 months

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ON MONDAY, I (FINALLY) MADE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE NEWEST ERAGON BOOK!

MURTAGH

“A Book I Read”

It took three very patient friends of mine to encourage me to finish reading this. I took notes the whole way through, and I am now sharing those in hope of finding loving community with my fellow haters.

Important context:

I loved Eragon, which came out when I was roughly eleven

Christopher Paolini was the first author to ever disappoint me

I used to love epic fantasy, until feminism, coming out, and learning about literary criticism made me just too mean to enjoy it

Since 2015, whenever I’ve had writer’s block, I’ve found inspiration by looking at this screenshot:

Christopher has managed to create a life where his mum has never stopped doing his laundry or his editing for him. He has never worked a job in his life. He has infinite time to work on his craft, and yet, with all of those advantages, he writes the way he does. I don’t hate him, but I do want to destroy him in single combat.

LET US BEGIN.

17 November 2023

I forgot how obsessed this man is with proving he knows rare words. Picking up my phone to google the word “trenchant”.

He really just didn’t want to say the dragon had a sharp sense of humour huh? Oh, no, it’s TRENCHANT. It wasn’t even for dialogue I identified as comedy but Murtagh thought it was TRENCHANT. He and Thorn have been alone in the wilderness for too long

NOT NASUADA BEING DESCRIBED AS HAVING ALMOND EYES

Of course the protagonist has grown a beard. He’s A Man Now.

I have a theory that this book is about coming to terms with marriage. Murtagh is like “our bond… our bond that lasts until death… the oldest magic… only the two of us understand each other. But, we’re also trapped with each other,” and I’m like hm. Fascinating. Say more

Instantly Murt befriends a child, to prove he is good really.

It’s so weird to read a book by a grown man with kids who is like “how did we all start out so innocent and pure…” like have you MET five year olds

This whole fork fight scene makes me feel second hand embarrassment deep in my soul. It’s SO This Guy Is The Best And Coolest

“Fencing with effortless ease” I do not care how well trained he is: you cannot kill four men with long swords by stabbing them with a little fork in “four hard impacts.” It’s just not happening.

I’m really dwelling on the idea of magic as “imposing your will” on something. It’s very.., something. Murtagh cleans his shirt by “imposing his will on the garment” like. Okay, I suppose in a way that is how all laundry is done, but it’s. Hm.

How come he’ll clean a shirt with magic but not shave with magic? Why are these books SO obsessed with beards and shaving and how to do shave and using magic for shaving etc etc, Eragon was also majorly preoccupied with this

Paolini’s got so many complexes on the page. All the “we’re half brothers and your dad killed my dad” stuff is A LOT

The naming stuff… SMH what would Ursula Le Guin say about all this

I’m obsessed with how even as (gasp) an OUTCAST!! Murtagh can’t not be the coolest guy ever for any time at all. It’s like a disease

Giving the child the enchanted killing fork was the worst decision ever made. Murtagh gives her a murder weapon and is then moping like “what’s it like… to live without killing…” literally pages later.

I’m really startled that Murt is delighted to see a tiny flying magical grass boat come down from the sky and circle him instead of being like “wtf, I’m being Watched,” which would be the true act of a man we are told is paranoid

I just got to the bit where Murtagh offhandedly says that magic users who “are the heaviest” always have the most spell reserves.

Like……… what???? Magic eats your fat?? It burns glucose??

You could be a better mage if you just, ate a bunch of raspberry frogs before each fight??????

It’s food powered??? You really want to go there, Paolini????? Wizards in the candy shop, eating sweeties like Mistborns?

GOD, if only Galbatorix had chugged a bottle of red cordial before his last big fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I return after losing my mind about this to my partner for forty minutes)

If it was “if you’re hungry you can’t FOCUS” I’d get it. But I always assumed it was like, you know how other fantasy does it? Some kind of pool of ADDITIONAL energy that you are accessing and that can be used up (until you go too far and start using life force or whatever). Like, it’s CHANNELLING it that makes you tired, not that it’s literal food energy.

Murtagh is always running or doing his sword forms or whatever and now I’m like “DUDE, NO!!!?!? DON’T BURN YOUR WIZARD CALORIES!!?!?”

I like when magic can’t do EVERYTHING, when it’s consistent or limited in some way, but I do hate the idea that it’s this predictable. Food energy becomes raw magical power. I GUESS.

(A little later)

Screaming at the suggestion Thorn can tell when Murtagh is horny.

I don’t like the euphemisms. It makes it worse

The fact he can’t talk to his dragon whenever they’re “too far apart” (distance never specified) is making me insane. Why did I pick up the dragon riding book if it’s mostly about leaving your dragon locked up at the bike rack

I know Thorn is basically a rescue dog with anxiety, but it bothers me how much he’s left on his own. The narrative just has no idea what to use him for other than speedy transport for the first um… 200 pages, it seems? He’s meant to be his own creature with his own intelligence. He doesn’t go anywhere without Murtagh though. So what is he doing all the time

I think Paolini WANTS his world to be big and mysterious (his introduction literally just keeps saying things in the world of the story are mysterious) but he HAS to keep explaining everything

24 November 2023

I’ve figured out something that annoys me about the world of this book, in terms of just how the worldbuilding is not actually that magical. It has the D&D problem!!! Which is to say that every regular person on earth is Level One and every important character is like, level 12. And part of what makes that even worse is that all women in this world are level zero.

I’ve been watching my friend Chris play the first Alan Wake game and we realised that all the faceless enemies that are possessed by Evil in the game are… working class men. The protagonist is this literate wealthy New York writer who is constantly killing faceless workers—farmers, loggers, coal miners, builders. And that’s not an INTENTIONAL commentary by the game, but it’s very revealing. And This book is the same in that: there is no such thing as a complicated poor person. They’re all either Dirty Evil or Dirty Good. Murtagh is going around, writing poetry in his head and inventing magical computer code, and then every child is an urchin who is like Oi Guvnah, and every dad is gruff, and every woman is worried.

The language used to describe everyone who isn’t a Fighting Man is so demeaning. And even then, we only need to respect the leaders of those men. The leaders are the only ones with depth who might need to be taken seriously.

It’s like Murtagh has a tally in his head where he is going “finally, a guy who is level 6”!

Most people in this world exist to deliver information to the protagonist.

Paolini either thinks his readers are too dumb to understand that his characters exist between scenes, or he doesn’t understand himself that we don’t need to see every time Murtagh enters a city under a new name and how he does it. Or know what he ate for dinner and how he prepared it and where he slept and what he dreamed and, and, and—

It’s weird because Paolini is being self indulgent as fuck but it is NOT fun to read. This dude really just needs to go write a survival story or something… A guy in the woods depending on nothing but his wits and his axe and his beard and his libertarian values

I don’t understand the stakes at play. All the magic scenes with Mind Penetration are so sudden and hard to actually understand as action. And the way it works is about brute force, so the dragon is not going to be at risk of being taken over except by another, even bigger dragon

It would be fun to read the Murtagh city sleuth segments if Thorn was backseat driving a little. I think that their bond should not get thinner over distance. The fact that it does just defeats the point of a magical bond.

Why does the dragon have to stay so far away? Like… it’s established that there’s a spell to conceal a dragon from sight. Dude. You could just go fucking invisible

There’s so many decisions that just are so bonkers to have made. The whole fetch quest for information pissed me off so bad. “You have to join the guard” (40 pages of emotions about uniforms ensue). This guy learned about plots from video games

Paolini had kids apparently, but you can tell he doesn’t really understand kids. “How do they all start out so innocent and pure,” says a man who has never heard a seven year old describe someone being killed by farts before.

The description of Murtagh carrying a cat that doesn’t want to be carried is very funny. I don’t know if Paolini has ever carried a cat before. If you’re carrying a cat that doesn’t want to be carried close to your chest, and you tighten your grip when it squirms… say goodbye to your nipples, my man

It’s strange how much Paolini doesn’t explore the things that seem to be the point. FOR EXAMPLE, the fantasy soul bond trope loves to say “even during sex!??! 👀” because it’s about INTIMACY, and some alien presence always being there. The dragon rider trope is popular because dragons are powerful and wise but also Beasts. Magic is fun to read about because it can do things that can’t be explained.

Paolini’s world is big, but nothing in it has any real substance. Nothing in it has any real consequence, and it makes it impossible to really invest in anything that happens. None of these poor city folks have a life once they leave the scene of delivering Murtagh information… or if they are a woman, delivering him a hot meal. There’s no sense of a world that exists outside Murtagh’s point of view!

25 November 2023

The towns so far don’t feel at all distinctive to me! I was interested in the one with the massive lake, but then it having this massive fish in it was the only point of interest. It would be fun to have been like “oh the fish has ruined our summer festival! It’s ruined the nobility pleasure cruises! It’s also eating fishermen!” Or “Why do all these fishing boats have huge spikes on the prow? Well,”

Again, these guys are all level one in peasant dirt town. They have no capacity for individual thought and no ability to adapt.

It’s like Paolini doesn’t know what makes people and places in fantasy feel distinct, or have culture. It’s so evident in how much he HASN’T thought about. For example, the bonkers amount of restrictive gender norms that he doesn’t seem AT ALL CONSCIOUS OF? Everyone who died in the war was A Man. No women died in the war. But that hasn’t resulted in any social changes. There aren’t more women doing work, for example, like being fishermen

I remember being thirteen or so and reading the bit in the second book where Arya explains to Eragon that she’s better and stronger than a human woman, because she is an elf, so Eragon doesn’t have to worry about her in battle. I was this kid there like “man, that sucks. I assume he’s coming back to that assumption later,” and… he never did. He still hasn’t. And that sucks

The dragon riders were not THAT long ago, in the world of these books. It makes me wonder—were none of them human women? I always assumed that some were human women, but… did dragons only choose elf men, elf women, and human men? If they chose human women, then even being accepted into a paramilitary dragon force didn’t change gender expectations in the rest of the world. What the fuck. He’s really never thought about this.

Women keep showing up as cunning-mysterious, as humble dirtmothers, or as innocent children. Oh my god I’m just describing maiden mother crone. That’s all he’s capable of.

I just got up to where he rescues the werecat baby (innocent girl child) and settles in to hear the stories of elder werecat (cunning-mysterious)

I noticed the Arya Problem with how Nasuada is described in this book, too. Every woman has to be the best, most capable, most powerful woman ever, to be worth the attention of The Boys. Otherwise they can’t respect her. Only two literal queens can be considered worthy of just two average guys who got pet lizards. Even then, they’re not actual equals.

“She still empathised for me.” Yes, don’t worry, Murtagh, I remember that’s what women are for.

I should note that the reason Nasuada is considered so powerful and so much worthy of his love and is her strength as a person. This is proven in the Eragon books because “she still empathised” with Murtagh whilst he was medieval torturing her. He was medieval torturing her for like… most of a book and that’s how they fell in love. Because she could see in his eyes that this guy torturing her… was Complicated. He didn’t really WANT to be medieval torturing her so she actually felt worse for him than he felt about how he was (and I can’t stress this enough) medieval torturing her

I just can’t imagine that THE QUEEN OF A WHOLE CONTINENT would still prefer the guy who sadly tortured her. He’s her top preference. Out of EVERY OTHER MAN IN THE WORLD

I put the book down until the day before I was meant to have finished the book for book club:

10 March 2024: from page 274 onwards

The evil witch is called BACHEL?????!!?!??!? Fucking BACHEL. Pronounced “buh-SHELL”, the guide at the back says. You changed one letter in Rachel, don’t lie to me Paolini

I got so mad being reminded the evil king Galbatorix was defeated by “Eragon forcing empathy upon him” so that he magically exploded himself out of guilt that I had to put the book down and complain to Charlie for five straight minutes

I guess that’s why Galbatorix made Murtagh torture Nasuada for him. He knew that if he’d done it himself she would have empathised with him too hard and he would’ve exploded himself

Murtagh has never met a single person he has respected. Murtagh is the specialest boy in all the land. Eragon had to leave the country because they were both too special to share a continent

Murtagh decided on where to go and he was immediately surrounded by armed guards who took him to where the plot was

Paolini uses the fucking word “admixed” while discussing EATING A PIE. The flavours admixed in his mouth. Just because you know a word… doesn’t mean it’s a word to deploy about eating a pie

I HATE how the only people strong enough to do the strongest magic are Elves Or Human Riders. It’s fucking magic my guy! Why is it checking your goddamn DNA! Also, hey! Wasn’t it supposed to come down to the strongest wizards being the guys who ate the most for lunch?

In a world of Magic how come every wizard battle ultimately comes down to who is a better Professor X?? I came here for fireballs, not Mind Battles. I don’t care about your Mental Wards

Hahaha Murtagh!!! Get trapdoored, bitch!!!!

Dragon panic attacks: conceptually cool but a bit ?? Like ah… the plot literally comes to scoop him up and carry him away. Yet again something outside of Murtagh makes a decision for him about what to do next

Murtagh’s poetry is going to make me explode myself like Galbatorix in book 4

If there’s something I like about this book so far it’s just the bits where he and Thorn are camping. Not flying, because then Murtagh is using the time to think and that’s horrible. The bits where they make campfires or whatever feel like something is actually happening. A guy and his dragon hanging out

Man. The way this novel is plotted really reminds me that it’s not actually that hard to write a book.

Murtagh goes to the evil village (oh yeah there’s an evil village. It is where Bachel lives. She is evil because she does magic without using the magic language). The village is called:

NAL GORGOTH

But I couldn’t remember this so I kept referring to it in my head by another, more familiar, name

Murtagh is so freaked out by finding a village with architecture that he doesn’t recognise. He’s like “My god!!! Nasuada has to be warned!!!” Ok but about what??? New ways of building pillars???? The art deco movement threatens the land??

Kinda fascinated by how much this village represents a threat to CULTURE. The architecture, the people… Everything about it so far is designed to be A Foreign Threat. The inhabitants are Of All Races (except elves they are too cool too pure etc). The humans have A VARIETY OF SKIN COLOURS, which memorably never happens in Alagaesia, a continent once explicitly described in the Eragon books as only having two (2) black people on it at all (then one died) (the other is Nasuada) (the one who died was her dad)

This guy with a goatee isn’t quite human. He is maybe part urgal and he is so uncomfortable to look at! Mainly he has arms that are a bit too long!! Bachel isn’t a human and also isn’t an elf, and that’s also deeply unsettling.

Bachel also fundamentally represents a threat to THE STRUCTURING POWER OF LANGUAGE, huh??

Bachel is so far the most interesting character in the book!

Bachel has: ALMOND EYES and AMBER SKIN

Murtagh is so upset and confused when Bachel calls him “my son” like… I’m cryign. “But she’s not my mother! I know my mother!!” he thinks, in a panic.

If this was a fantasy novel written twenty to thirty years ago, then the sexual tension between Murtagh and Bachel would be absolutely insane. Alas, this is a world of abstinence, and sexuality is only ever meaningful looks between a queen and the guy who tortured her (it is weird how he keeps caressing Nasuada’s face on the gold coins)

It’s very funny that Bachel has specifically fourteen warriors. The prose keeps telling us that there’s fourteen of them. So you get Murtagh stepping forwards and then sentences like “the fourteen warriors attending Bachel shifted”

She seems like a perfectly normal cult leader to me? Why is she automatically a threat to Nasuada! How come the two of them can’t arrange a toxic political marriage that becomes… something more 😉😉😉

Nothing annoys me more in this book than Murtagh being able to identify specific vintages of wine. It keeps happening and it pisses me off

Bachel is a half elf!!! “It had never occurred to him that such a thing might be possible.” This is truly and absolutely unbelievable to me. Nobody in this world ever has sex

How did it take so long to get to such an objectively cool village!!! Like this is just a cool place!!! Sorry that Nar Nar Goon is evil but like FINALLY something has style

Three thoughts at once:

I’m so bored that Paolini’s mind can’t get more interesting than temple virgins, let alone wearing white to represent ritualistic purity. Like… nobody in this world fucks anyway, why does it matter!

Murtagh should also wear white all the time

Lesbianism doesn’t count as a violation of being temple chosen. Alín is wearing lesbianism

Paolini has never once written a woman who is Normal. He just can’t conceive of it. You can feel how he starts sweating.

Murtagh finally realised it was a cult. What sets it apart as a cult is that the followers appear to be “half-wits” to him

I’m going to detransition to break his fucking neck

Paolini has learned nothing since he had a woman deliver the exact same line in like 2008. The fact that another editor just thumbsed this up. The fact that this is in a book published in 2023. Well, now I’m REALLY embarking on an antagonistic reading: that’s right, I am reading women as capable.

Obsessed with Bachel. She is a girlboss and I’m a feminist xxx

Book is constantly weird about how much she is capable of eating and drinking at her feasts and how it makes her appear swollen and bloated etc etc. Murtagh is so weirded out by this because he feels it is unfeminine… as though she is not a witch and we weren’t told earlier that how much magic you have is directly equal to how much you eat. (Meanwhile he is only picking at his food and eating just enough of it ‘to be polite’ as though this is not making a decision to have less magic than her)

She has so much charisma compared to anyone else in the book. If my choices are her or Murtagh then sign me up boys!!!

Okay but much like how this would’ve been a VERY charged relationship 30 years ago, I’m weirdly disappointed Bachel she isn’t not described as megahot? Like the book keeps telling me about this virginal templemaiden or whatever, because Murtagh is only attracted to women he can rescue. But I’m actually just like… I think this woman is hot. Tell me more about her. It’s wild that this book is written by a guy like Paolini, who told me all about Oromis’ pubic hair in 2008, and who barely thinks women are people. Yet he doesn’t want to discuss her tiddies?

This book could, and should! have started when Murtagh landed his dragon in the evil village of Nar Nar Goon. That’s the point that stuff got actually interesting. Everything before this was literally video game fetch quest logic plotting that earned him the right to fly to Nar Nar Goon.

Boar hunt. More like BORED hunt. And then suddenly there are so many pigs, a comical number of them flying everywhere

This motherfucker using the phrase “the boar was lying athwart him” in a sentence in an action scene????

Murtagh is nearly dead and the boar is lying athwart him?

I’m going back in time and bullying the author at school

RIP Murtagh, trambled to death by 30-50 wild hogs

Oh god every time someone knocks Murtagh out he has a vision or a bad dream or a flashback or whatever and it’s so tiring

“EXISTENCE WAS A TOMB WHEREIN THE SINS OF THE PAST LAID INTERRED???” Do you ever read a sentence that sounds so much like the author is jerking it? “All had been lost, and there before him lay the instrument of their destruction” he is furiously jerking it oh my god. “Destroyer of hope, eater of light” oh, god, he’s still going

…This book is. Weird about mothers

Murtagh flies into a rage because Bachel mercy killed a guy who was dying bc of boar trampling because “I COULD HAVE HEALED HIM!!!!!” And the mercy killing is proof it is a cult. Because doing it Bachel’s way meant the guy was too relaxed and at peace when he died

Paolini’s family were in a cult, as I understand. So it’s kind of weird how much he doesn’t really understand how being in a cult works

I don’t really remember how religion works in this world, but I do remember tuning out of a long boring passage in book 2 or 3 where Eragon learned about all the gods and decided he was an atheist. It’s especially weird to be like “holy shit, an EVIL religion??!” In a book where religion has absolutely never come up before now

Oh my god, Alìn was whipped for being ‘too familiar’ with Murtagh!!! That’s because she’s so pure and a helpless victim girl in all white :’((

In my mind Bachel and Alìn COULD be in a fucked up lesbian relationship with bad BDSM etiquette. Of course Paolini can’t imagine a world where women have enough personality or agency to fall in toxic love with each other. Also even though he has people tied up and strapped down and whipped and being tortured etc in every book don’t think he knows that BDSM like. Exists. Boooooo

Murtagh: killing one guy who is dying of a punctured lung is the ultimate evil!

Also Murtagh: I know an invisibility spell, but to sneak out of my room I am going to suffocate seven men to death

Genuinely upsetting to read those men dying. He made it impossible for air to enter or exit their lungs with a word. Veins popping clawing at faces etc. God, what a way to go. So unnecessarily cruel. Yep, there goes the good guy

The main way the village is evil is that there are unsettling carvings everywhere. Paolini read some Lovecraft, but he did not understand what was up with it. Or maybe he did, because this book did get a lot more weird about Racial Purity once Murtagh arrived in Lovecraft Village

11 March 2024

There’s a bloodstain that “filled Murtagh with the apprehension of evil” and it confused me because these books are so gory. Earlier he killed four men with a fork. But like oh yeah I guess it’s because when Murtagh murders people now it’s bloodless. I guess. His murders are good you see

This chapter is called The Bad Sleep-Well you can tell Paolini thought he was a real genius for this one

Okay but why are there bats… roosting… in a cave… at night. And why is Murtagh worried that red light will risk waking them? Animals cannot see red light?? SOME FARM BOY YOU ARE, PAOLINI

Okay I have to stop nitpicking. I have to restrain myself until my Vyvanse kicks in

“Murtagh felt a sense of not just age but antiquity. Whoever had built the stairs had done so long before Alagaesia had been a settled place. What was it Bachel had said? That the cultists had lived in Nal Gorgoth since before elves were elves... He was starting to think she had told the truth.”

Sorry uhhhh, Alagaesia was settled?? When they talk about The Grey Ones, are they talking about a race PRIOR TO COLONISATION?????????

“He continued forward. Deeper into the womb of the earth. Deeper into the black unknown, seeking, seeking, always seeking a farther shore, every sense razor-sharp and razor-scraped, skin all goosefleshed, cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck and gathering around his belted waist.”

God it’s so overwrought...

He found the well!!

Oh my god. The well is a natural magic hotspot and that means it “wasn’t the sort of thing that the Draumar ought to have dominion over.” It’s a natural resource???

“Not that he would want Du Vrangr Gata to assume control over such an important location either. This was exactly what the Riders had been created for: to oversee and mediate that which could destabilize the land.”

Murtagh is going to bring democracy to the Middle East

He’s too scared to mentally contact his dragon with Bachel around. If he was a proper horse girl he would find a way

Oh Galbatorix BECAME evil because he met Bachel and she manipulated him. Haha oh dear. No, you can’t just come to the conclusion the dragon rider paramilitary force who controls the resources are bad on your own. Not just because they sent you into the mountains when they knew it was dangerous and wanted to find out if you’d be killed up there! No, a manipulation had to have happened

It’s funny to me that the evil ancient witch queen who lives in seclusion in the mountains uses the new name for the city of Uru’baen. Oh no, she knows it as Ilirea. She’s hundreds and hundreds of years old. You know what that is? Evidence of Find And Replace, to me.

Bachel’s eyes are “glowing with fevered ecstasy.” I could make her feel that way. Also. Because, I know about sex

Always with the fucking passing out at the end of the chapter for Christopher James Paolini

NOW Bachel is being described appropriately as a hottie. FINALLY. GOD! It only took Murtagh being mind controlled in his brain but I. I!!! I could see the glorious light of truth!!

“He followed, dumb and wildered.” Well, not as much as that sentence. (You can be bewildered. But can you ever just be wildered????)

The dedication to making Murtagh the most pitiful little meow meow in existence in the Galbatorix flashbacks I’m… what happened to the joys of a guy who is evil because he was convinced or was tricked, not because he was fully brain abused???

The Urgals are racially… uncomfortable. Yellow eyes and Murtagh just straight up saying “how do you speak English”

The evil guys have masks and they put them on and like channel the animals the masks are of and on one hand it’s an idea I THINK is cool but also combined with the everything it really has this “tribal stuff is threatening” vibe all over it

“What do you want, witch?”

“I want you.”

Obsessed with how he’s shackled to a table and there’s still an incredible lack of sexual energy to this scene. This is like a day at the office for both of them.

… oh, but she is wearing claws and claws DOES equal a threat of penetration. Maybe a little sexual? As a treat??

Him being tortured reminds him of torturing Nasuada. Wow, it was their first date!

It’s just like. It’s fucked up imo. She should never kiss you Murtagh!!!

Is anything more boring than a torture scene.

Also, was he not drugged right before this scene? How is he able to mentally evade her and power his wards etc?

I’m mad that when he’s brought fancy foods by Alìn he doesn’t share his food with Ubek the Urgal

Oh my god Ubek tells him a story where the moral is just him outright saying at the end, “it’s important to stay close to the people we care for, even if we don’t always fit in so easily” lmao. Subtlety of a mallet

Is anything more boring than a torture scene? How about a torture chapter!!!1!1!1!

This chapter is interminable. Oh my god.

Oh, so we did all that and he gives in I guess. I can’t believe how little agency this man has had throughout this book????

Haha oh my god, Bachel is studying his nude and compliant body in front of her court. Telling him to turn around so she can inspect his back (no mention of his ass even though it is out, tragic). Fucking love it. Now that’s bdsm. Pledging my allegiance to her instantly.

I am BORED. I liked when he was at least doing things of his own volition!

He flies his dragon off on Bachel’s orders and we get the line “Never had air smelled so… so… delicious.” Cryign

GASP he’s killed… CHILDREN!!!!!!! I hate how it only becomes horrifying for him to have done these murders once he realises they’re HUMAN children. Urgal children? The implication is that would’ve been a bit tacky but ultimately fine

Prison brothers blood pact. I feel so little about this. Ubek is 5000x more interesting than Murtagh but he’s been slotted into what is unfortunately a sort of magical indigenous person trope but where instead of being a human being, he is an orc. Which makes the whole trope much worse

Murtagh touched Alìn’s face… gasp! She’s been corrupted by the Touch Of A Man!!!!! (I do not care about this.)

(I care a little. For example she didn’t touch HIM. He just reached out and she didn’t pull away. This is the biggest decision about this character’s life, and she isn’t even allowed to be the one who makes it. He decides on her behalf, and she must be okay with it. Because she doesn’t pull away or fight him off.)

(Also Paolini doesn’t seem to be aware that ‘a woman who has been pledged not to be touched by a man’ would um. USUALLY be understood by a reader as euphemistic. Not that her purity could be forever ruined by a man literally just touching her face)

The way Paolini fills Murtagh’s brainwashed dialogue with oops all ellipses makes me want to tear the book apart with my teeth

Worst: how Grieve the guy who is part urgal is perpetually referred to as “heavy-browed.” “the heavy-browed Grieve” I’m sorry but I missed phrenology school, is that bad??

Also if he’s maybe part Urgal but Murtagh is now given a chance to making it clear that some of his best friends are urgals... Why is Grieve so distastefully described? What’s wrong with being half urgal? My suspicion: it’s the bloodlines intermingling

I suspect I can just skip every fucking dream sequence and flashback. Nothing of any value in these

This one guy, Lyreth, who trapdoored Murtagh for 2.5 seconds ages ago in the book, is TWICE referenced as holding/ touching the waists of “village” or “cultist” women in his dialogue tags. That’s the full extent of it. It’s not that there’s a giggling tavern girl sprawled in his lap while he’s speaking. These faceless women are exclusively sketched into existence by how a named male character’s hand is on their waist. We don’t know anything about how they are responding to his touch, which is extra in-your-face considering that Murtagh just obliterated a woman’s ritual purity by touching her face without asking. And it’s only ever these women’s waist. It’s not their hips or thighs or boobs. He’s not kissing their necks. I’m sure in Paolini’s mind this guy touching women’s waists is meant to read as sexual, which is supposed to reinforce that he’s a scumbag… but it doesn’t work because it’s so impersonal. These women are just… unmoving waists that he is just touching. It serves as a good illustration of how women—and sex and sexuality and bodies—are handled in these books. Men are never ruled by their strong and muscular bodies. Men have minds, and magic, and telepathy battles. Even when Murtagh is on a torture table or when he’s naked in front of a powerful woman who is actively inspecting his body, he doesn’t feel vulnerable. He doesn’t have an ass or a dick. The wind doesn’t make him shiver. He’s just a Mind. But women, well. They only have bodies when men touch them. The course of Alin’s life is defined by Murtagh’s touch, and even Nasuada, a fucking queen, only gets physical description via the coins Murtagh has in his possession and his memory of the cuts and bruises he left on her body. And women also have no minds—unless they’re werecats or elves or half elves, the only kind of woman who are remotely threatening, the only kind of women who are “as good as” the baseline of human men. Nasuada is proven as Murtagh’s equal because she was able to overcome the torture of her body. If he hadn’t tortured her, or if she had broken down, she wouldn’t have proven herself worthy of being his romantic partner.

Eragon’s romantic interest also started out being tortured. Not by him, but “girl who is tortured but is too strong to give up her secrets” was her entire characterisation for a book and a half, until he rescued her. That’s uh. That’s how you find girlfriends who are good enough for your protagonists.

THESE FUCKING BOOKS.

Bachel has put Thorn in a special wrought iron muzzle. Yet again, this is just objectively cool

We learn about who the cult worships: evil dragon underground. He makes fumes come out of the earth and they brainwash people and give them visions. He will come out of the ground and eat the sun unless every living thing worships him.

Really Bachel is not leading a cult she is leading an environmental rescue mission. Quick we gotta get everyone to worship this evil dragon STAT, or he’s going to wipe out all life on earth.

Why does an evil dragon living under the earth with the power to eat the sun (?!??!) actually want or need to be worshipped by “every living thing”. What is his motivation?? And why would that stop him eating the sun?

“The sculptures would have horrified most any artist in Alagaesia, no matter their race.” Mark this down as one of the worst sentences he has written yet!!

I realise now I’ve been misremembering multiple main characters’ names

I like Bachel telling Thorn to stay, like he’s a dog. That’s good to me

Murtagh is learning about the power of friendship to heal himself last minute, I guess

Why is Murtagh pausing to duel fucking Lyreth, the most boring man in the world. Is it because of the waists he touched??? I have never felt this man was worth any time at all

NOT Paolini specifically pointing out that Lyreth “smelled of a cloying peach scented perfume” and that he’s physically weaker than Murtagh as Murtagh overcomes him. Lyreth was too feminine to be strong, in the end

This book is obsessed with the word “youngling.” Murtagh says to Thorn “don’t kill any younglings.” He’s fighting Lyreth but he’s not worried because he himself is “no longer a youngling”. Fucking fuck off! just say youth. Child. Kid. Teenager even!! Come on!!

Murtagh going “this is taking too long” in the duel: me at the whole book thus far

“Is wrong-think to worship Bachel or Azlagur,” says Ubek. This is real dialogue in a book published in real 2023. Oh yeah btw everything he says is written like this

Oh, the urgal’s size and brute strength makes him Murtagh’s equal. I see

Grieve is legitimately yelling “kill the non-believers!!” and calling them desecrators??? Cartoon hours

To start winning the fight, all Murtagh had to do was find his magic sword! It stores all his potency and he inherited it from his father. Freud?? Don’t worry about it

The cultists are bleeding green blood???? Does this mean they’re not human or is it the lighting or what.

Groups of dragons are always being described as a Thunder Of. They’re only ever being described in visions but it’s always being described as “a thunder of dragons”, because Paolini is very proud of inventing his very own collective noun for dragons I guess

Buncha little pasty freaks showing up.

Murtagh’s ultimate challenge: he has to fight one hundred gollums

Paolini inventing new guys for his dungeon at unprecedented rates

Murtagh is legitimately busy trying to think of new names for his sword NOW?? He is just going to stop in the middle of this urgent fight to go find where the bad woman (Bachel) took the good woman (Alìn) to go “my sword has a bad name. It could have a good name.” Did he not have time while he was mouldering in the dungeon to think about this

He’s checking his compendium, like in video games.

Books have never been worse. If Murtagh/Paolini calls this sword Scar I will legitimately never know peace

Oh the sword is called Freedom now. Get it? Like America? It’s the most important value??

“Seeing the armor, Murtagh realized that the leather garb the cultists had donned for the festival of black smoke had been made to resemble Bachel's fantastic suit.”

what a sentence

This is the worst

I hate how her spear has a name and a dramatic history. Like come on

Fucking mind battles again

Alin is just… I’m sorry to her, but she’s not a real person. She’s a cardboard cutout in distress

The final boss fight should not be taking place in the magical world of the mind

Now she’s calling him “infidel?” Okay

The ultimate battle: the structuring power of masculine language versus the primeval chaos of raw women’s emotion!!! Who will win!! Hint: Christopher Paolini wrote this!

“She seemed merely a woman again.”

‘Merely’ is how Paolini always describes women (when he thinks they’re worth describing of course)

Wait… is the only reason Bachel has been intimidating REALLY just because she’s been channelling a tough evil boy dragon? Once the mask is gone and he’s not empowering her… she’s merely…

I’m going to kick Christopher Paolini’s fucking ass

Murtagh feels so emotionally close to Bachel. As he splits her skull. Normal book

For real why were ALL the Riders so afraid of Bachel??? The gas fumes? Face masks not invented?? This seems pretty easy to solve like if they’d just. Sent more than one guy?

He passes out and the chapter ends of course. Then he wakes up in the city

Ah, Alin is blonde and blue eyed. She was a pale skinned virgin who needed rescuing from an evil and also foreign almond eyed amber skinned woman who was whipping her. You know how it goes

I hate how Alìn always calls Murtagh “my lord.” She’s like one of those medieval fighting game banners of a sexy woman. She’s a cartoon.

Isn’t it a shame that when Murtagh hastily gets out of bed to bow to Nasuada he is wearing pants. So much funnier if he wasn’t

I’m so over this book holy shit

Oh, for being the apparently only sole survivor of Murtagh’s obliteration of her cult and everything she’s ever known, Alìn is being promoted to… Nasuada’s maid. That’s not what she asked for. That’s just what she’s being told she’s going to do from now on. Fucking hell.

Nasuada is Jealous of this blonde woman and I was afraid for her because Nasuada is also famously the only black woman on the continent. But of course she has nothing to fear because only the most powerful woman in the land could ever be remotely Murtagh’s equal, which she proved by being stronger at being tortured than him

She asks him to stay and she touches his hand just lightly

The END??

They don’t even kiss?!!!?!! I had to read it twice to be sure. SEXLESS BOOK.

#how do I tag this. probs not in the official tag right #Murtagh: Don’t Read It!!!#DONT READ IT #I can’t believe how much money Christopher Paolini is worth… I also can’t believe he managed to father two children #man doesn’t know what women children OR sex are. how did he manage to solve that equation twice over

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dutifullynuttywitch · 4 months

Text

Pancake mornings

Blades of Light and Shadow 2

Pairing: Mal Volari X f!mc (Autumn Nightbloom)

Rating: Teen

Word count: 650

Summary: Mal tries his hand at making Heroes of Morella pancakes ... and Autumn considers more legitimate career choices for her handsome rogue.

Autumn awakens to the sweet smell of pancakes and peals of laughter coming up from the kitchen two floors below. She smiles at the novelty of normalcy. Something she never thought she’d have again.

Of course, there was still work to do. She and her friends continued to travel the newly merged realm to help the communities rebuild and fight off all manner of shadow beasts and fantastic creatures. But there were also moments of calm in-between, which she relished. She spent most of those weeks with Mal at the orphanage, making time to catch up with Nia, visiting friends, and Kade, when he wasn’t off to Zaradun with Cherta. Though she kept her room at the Palace, a standing invitation by King Arlan for the Saviour of the Realm, Autumn had pretty much moved into Mal’s cozy attic room.

She slips out of bed and quickly dresses, making her way downstairs towards the joyful ruckus.

“Morning, kit!” Mal calls out from the stove, flipping pancakes dangerously high into the air, to the delight of a dozen beaming kids gathered around.

“Morning, handsome.” She sidles next to him and places a soft kiss on his cheek. “Whatcha cooking up?”

“I call these my Heroes of Morella pancakes!” He proudly declares, to squeals of excited laughter from several kids.

She looks at a growing pile of deformed – faces? Some with elongated ears, others with points resembling horns, others just formless masses – and snorts. “Well, these certainly won’t win you any talent contests. Though I’ll give you points for originality, your magnificence.”

“Hey! I’d like to see you try to do better.” He mock-pouts.

“Sure thing. Watch and learn.” She smirks and grabs a ladle, dropping a dollop of batter onto the hot pan. She concentrates her magic, shaping the sizzling pancake into a perfect nesper shape.

“Oh, come on! That’s cheating!” Mal splutters, scandalized.

“And since when are you concerned about cheating, my handsome scoundrel?” She smirks mischievously, starting a new pile with her perfectly shaped pancakes.

"Since I'm not the one doing it!"

“I want Autumn’s pancakes! They’re so pretty.” “Me too!” “Me too!” The kids clutter around the counter, ooh-ing and ah-ing at Autumn’s growing pile of perfectly shaped heroes and nespers.

Mal huffs vexedly but relents with a magnanimous bow, “You seem to have won this battle, my fair lady.”

“oh, but you had the brilliant idea, so I say we share in the spoils of victory this time.” She sneaks a quick kiss, a promise of more to come.

He grins at her cockily, pressing himself against her back and whispering in her ear “That, I can get behind.”

“Mal!” She bats at him, eyes wide, and distracts herself with plating batches of pancakes for the anxiously waiting children.

Soon, the kids are settled around the dining table, munching away at their hero pancakes in a boisterous cacophony of talks and laughter. Autumn slips back to the kitchen and into Mal’s arms, hugging him lightly. He returns the embrace, sighing contentedly.

“Any plans today?”

“Well, I’ve gotten word that our dear friend Lord Thurgood has recently 'procured' a sword from a temple that belonged to the shadow realm. Apparently, it’s got some engravings that may or may not predate the Elven civilization.” He catches her scandalized look and adds on quickly “… for research purposes! It’s rumored to have magical properties… I’m sure Nia and elf boy would love to examine it.”

“And once they’re done researching…”

“Weeeeell… it’ll be worth a pretty penny.”

“Mal! Do I have to remind you how your last heist in Thurgood manor nearly ended in disaster?”

“Eh! I'd say it ended pretty good, considering I made it out with the statue and … made out with you.” He smirks devilishly, stealing a heated kiss.

Autumn sighs, biting her lower lip to hide an amused smile. “You know, Mal, as a hero of the realm, you should really think about other more legitimate avenues of employment.”

“… Such as…?”

“I mean you’re a pretty good cook, when you’re not trying to get creative with your pancakes.”

“I have to be, since you’re so godawful at it!” He smirks, tempering the criticism with a loving kiss.

“Well, I can’t be good at everything. But you could work at the bakery with Vivi.”

“Hmm… kneading dough all day, kind of like this…?” He grabs her waist, bringing her flush against him and lowers his hands to massage her backside, earning a soft moan.

"Well you are very good with your hands..." she trails off, kissing lightly down his neck.

"I love my sister and Vivi, don't get me wrong, kit, but I doubt they'd enjoy seeing me everyday."

"Well you're great with a weapon - for fighting!" she quickly specifies, growing scarlet at his suggestive leer. "You could join the Whitetower guards."

"Autumn, my love, the king may have absolved me of my past crimes, but I can promise you the Whitetower guards remember me very well, and we're not exactly on the friendliest of terms... any other brilliant ideas, kit?"

She looks up at him, pondering, then sighs.

"Okay your magnificence, at what time are we headed over to Thurgood Manor tonight?"

Mal flashes her a dazzling grin, draping an arm across her shoulders as he walks her into the dining room.

"Well, see, I was thinking we could sneak in right at the change of guard..."

Autumn smiles to herself. Normalcy, with just a dash of danger and adventure. This, to her, was perfection.

#blades of light and shadow #playchoices #mal volari #bolas #blades of light and shadow 2 #choices #bolas 2 #mal volari x mc #blades fanfic #choices fanfiction #choices fanfic #choices stories you play #mal x mc

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howyouloveyourdragon · 1 year

Note

yandere rhaenyra x sorceress fem reader (light yandere not really dark preferably) headcanons or another format if you like. -reader can possibly have kids w/ her (which might help when rhaenyra is with laenor is you make her a sorceress from descended from old Valeryia so has the targaryen look & later she can be the one to get pregnant if wanted) -she could also be a dragon rider at one point -viscerys may even love her no matter what the hightowers say because she has magic from old valaryia (might give her more influence than the hightowers do) -meaning rhaenyra could stay in the keep. - laenor stays or you make them get with daemon (or they get together privately if you want to keep laena alive cause the reader can save her)

- reader even be able to save jeoffry I'm going to stop with my ideas as they may go on and on, sorry this was so long I got carried away (I or someone else, or you if you want may be able to turn this into a full on story one day)! Some side platonic yandere shorts could be made from this

hey lovie! so happy to receive this request it was very fun to write :) <3 i would be happy to write more detail in a fic but unfortunately i couldn't go too in depth on this current post but if i do write one up i will tag you :)

pronouns: she/her warnings: both sfw and nsfw sections

SFW

now as a blueprint i'm going to go through a little thought process of reader & rhaenyra

i went down the route of reader keeping majority to Valyrian lore

and i think in this case Rhaenyra would be more of an obsessing yandere

lets say that reader is a descendant of Valyrian blood, perhaps her family escaped The Doom because they foresaw it, perhaps later aligning with Aegon I as he conquered Westeros so long as he kept their family a secret and so he ensured both their safety and their stay under his rule

however things sour after he has passed and they flee

they become a mere rumour and legend which King Viserys ends up telling to his children with fervent delight, dreaming of the day they might return

Rhaenyra drinks this up not only because it is intriguing but also because the beautiful artwork he shows to her look magnificent, fire encircling them and blood locking their promises

she will have pretended as a little girl to be one of these sorcerers, twirling with her mother in patterns befitting ceremonies and copying their olden styles

however as she gets older she pretends to forget the mysterious sorcerers and instead focuses on maintaining her title as heir, demanding the same respect she is sure her ancestors' dear allies must have

and yet one night, when she is tending to her courtly duties, she hears the most humorous little rumour

that there is a witch among the grounds, they whisper

and then it is brought up at a council meeting and her blood heats, a gasp drawing from her mouth in match with the Queen's

they both share a glance, recalling the games they had played as children before the pattering of feet

they expect to see a fearful lamb pleading for sanctuary but instead they find you

beautiful, regal you

Rhaenyra thinks you look more a Queen than either of them and she stands in respect, shocking the court

the men around you gape but you simply smirk in approval "Your grace," You greet, only holding contact with her as you curtsy only so slightly

Alicent coughs and stands also, determined to maintain composure

you explain that you have been orphaned and bring forth the written promise of Aegon I to care for your little family

Alicent requests proof with a concerned stiff expression and you gladly provide

with the flick of your wrist you summon a dragonglass candle from the skirt of your dress and stare deep into the spot in which a wick should be placed

in a flash it alights and broadens before your eyes

gasps enrapture but again you snap your sights on Rhaenyra and only Rhaenyra

she gives the barest of nod "we...hope you enjoy the comforts of court." she merely says and instructs her own personal guard to escort you to the guest chambers closest to her own

she can't get the image of your self-assured expression out of her mind

you are utterly bewitching with your snowy hair and tussled skirts

her sights linger on the ankle that peaks through as you hike up your said skirts

Alicent clears her throat and gives a pointed stare but it takes all of Rhaenyra's self control to settle herself back in her chair but everyone at the table share wary glances

she doesn't see you again until late the next day, requesting your presence for dinner and conveniently forgetting that her husband will be off for a hunt with his...dear friend

excitement shoots through her in powered waves

however she is disappointed to learn that her father too has requested your presence and her family have decided upon a collective dinner so that they may all meet the curious sorceress

Viserys is instantly engaging conversation with you the moment you sit down and before that, greets you in a warm embrace

he is a curious man who knows you too must carry the stories of your ancestors and he is eager to learn

for most of the evening Rhaenyra watches in curiosity, watching how your hair sways and your angelic features resemble her most ardent dreams

she has to restrain herself, grip tightening on her fork

it's that night that she makes her intentions clear to you and she's relieved to see your acceptance

Rhaenyra Targaryen is not one to hide her emotions nor her desires

your relationship is turned into a powerful storm of heat and danger, Otto's eyes narrowing everytime you enter a room

he proclaims you as a most unholy being and one to be banished which Viserys does not take kindly too

instead he is sent far away and Alicent is brought to the highest frustration as you attend almost every family outing or event with Rhaenyra proud at your side in the space her husband used to occupy

if anyone even slightly threatens or questions your presence at court she will be quick to scold and imprison them

going so far as to threaten their head

it's late in your coupling that you whisper sweet words in her ears, describing the imagery of her father's crown atop her head and a child born of you both

she knows all of your family's hidden secrets by now and while she and Laenor have not been graced with an heir by the Gods, you offer both a dream and solution

instead of accepting your offer of fertility in regards to her husband, she tucks back your hair and caresses your face

her lips dip down on yours and then breathes into your ear three sweet word "I want yours," she slips her kisses down your neck and presses your palm to her soft stomach

once the babe is born it doesn't matter whose dominant genes he inherits because with a gentle stroke of his hair it can turn as pale as winter snow

some may still question the child's true parentage considering the early birth and supposed consummation's circumstances do not quite align

but it matters not for your future Queen is determined to instil the confidence of a monarch

where Rhaenyra's tendencies come in I think she could become very smothering and clingy, sticking to you every possible moment that she is able

i could see this being a big relief for both Viserys and Laenor

Viserys' line will be continued and his daughter is happy, he wants to preserve this happiness, if you did request to return to your original home or to wander elsewhere i could see him suddenly developing a 'very important' project that he needs your assistance with

i think Laenor would also attempt to keep you close with his wife

i think i could picture Rhaenyra tricking you into a traditional Valyrian wedding or at least attempting to without explaining the possible repercussions of this

she's impulsive and devoted to you, nothing is out of her sphere of protection

her presence engulfs you with sweet words and soft promises

in this au i could imagine a much happier Rhaenyra in all aspects but it also means giving her the daughter she has always wished for

even more, she adores the fact that you are beside her while whichever one of you births the beautiful darlings with hair so regal and beauty gifted from you

NSFW

she's all too eager to pleasure you

you are the most magnificent beautiful and powerful being she has ever witnessed and she want to show you in every lewd and respectable way she can imagine

her most ardent desire however is the promise you whisper against her soft thighs, speaking of golden crowns and forsaking your duties in favour of delighting your Queen

her favourite though is when you sink your fingers between her lower lips and glide your tongue along her slick

the way your nails tickle her thighs and slide up to pebble her nipples and playing with those sensitive buds

she likes to let go with you

it's freeing to be finally enact upon the fantasies of her teenhood

she says often and plays with the words of you bewitching her, it sends a delightful shiver down her spine

tags: @gracielikegrapes

Hotd Taglist: (bold and italics means you need to check your settings, it didn't work)

@wrendermedone @hopelesswritergall @blackdreamspeaks @its-actually-minicika @gettheetoanunneryimmediatly

#rhaenyra targaryen x fem!reader #rhaenyra targaryen #rhaenyra x reader #rhaenyra targaryen x reader #hotd x reader #rhaenyra targaryen x reader headcanons #rhaenyra targaryen headcanons #rhaenyra targaryen x sorceress!reader #rhaenyra targaryen x valyrian reader #rhaenyra targaryen imagine #request #requests #ask #asks #sorceress reader #sorceress reader x rhaenyra

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kit-williams · 4 months

Text

War wife

@bispecsual here you go your space wolves

I think I'm getting the hang of doing x reader (still not my favorite as I'd prefer to make OCs but hey its an exercise in just writing)

Not 100% happy with this but happy enough

Tw: Yandere behavior & Plot

"Why hello Captain Arkyn." You cooed up at the space marine Captain as he always made a beeline to you. The now dubbed 'work wife' as the space wolves under him have openly said 'Where is Captain Arkyn's wifey?'

"Hello elskling." The timber of his voice seemed to shake the air around him as his voice dipped an octave in his greeting. "How is my aspiring Captain doing." He picked you up and just easily buried his face into the crook of your neck and you could hear the deep inhale. It was hard to stop the blush that danced over your cheeks... the butterflies that fluttered in your gut... oh you were a hardened veteran of 3 battlefields you shouldn't be getting all flustered but it was an Angel of the Emperor!

You wrapped your arms around the man and you let out the sigh as his hands felt so tender on you even in his power armor. "Come now Arkyn I'm very far off from being a captain and you shouldn't be all affectionate with the kids around." She spoke and could hear him snicker.

"The kids are fine I'm certain my boys are focused on other things then what daddy is doing right now." Arkyn growled out showing those enlarged canines of his. He drank in her groan of embarrassment but he could smell what he was saying was doing to her. A heady smell... not sweet it was salty... but thick like a musk... it was distinctively yours and he was addicted to it. "I'm feeling quite thirsty elskling."

You let out a shuttering breath as you could practically hear the lapping noise. This was the second battlefield you've met Captain Arkyn on and you two had left off on a good note. Well you survived that first note and even if it had been nearly a decade since that first encounter.... Captain Arkyn treated it as no time had passed at all. "Arkyn..." is all you manage to say on a shaky exhale.

Oh but for Arkyn time had passed and it drove him mad. For the Space Wolves it was a horribly kept secret that they indulged in the finer things in life... and they didn't leave it at just mead... they enjoyed their women too. For those with mates it's always a scent that drives them to pick their next mate... a smell that all the pretty little mortals all share in common regardless of if they can give the Brother children or not. Oh yes another horribly kept Fenrisian secret as half of the serfs and a quarter of the brothers were just offspring of other space wolves.

Arkyn just thought your scent was a fluke. You were a happy little thing... a tenacious little vixen... a courageous elskling. And he had driven himself mad at the fact he let you get away. He had spent 3652 days in his bed alone without you!!!! Oh he fixed that once he found out you were there. You looked older... it hurt him that he missed three thousand days of yours... three thousand days you could have been smiling at him... having his pups... thousands of days of laughter... tears... hopes and fears... sighs of delight and sighs of being fed up with his antics. Something in him snapped when he saw you again.

You... you just kept on surviving with your little misfit band that seemed to kept swapping in and out of members. You were thankful for Arkyn being here after the last of your original friends died in your arms. And here you thought Arkyn just wanted to relive the magical moments from back in the day but you were so thankful that he was there to hold onto you. And he always had a knack of holding onto you.

"RICO!" You screamed as you watched the man turn to mist as Arkyn's massive hand wrapped around your chest as he grabbed you and ran toward the Land Speeder. "They're all dead... they're all dead!" You screamed as you shot back at the damn heretics!

Thank the God Emperor for your helmet as when Arkyn jumped into the Speeder your head all but smashed into the armored chest. "Hang on!" He howled at you as all that was keeping you from flying off of the Speeder was his arm.

His mind was racing just like the Land Speeder was as bolters exploded out of the barrels. But a part of him was howling with laughter as it couldn't have lined up better! He really had to thank his Brothers for helping him. Oh yes he was a fool for letting her go the first time but they were here to help!

"Arkyn where are we going?!" You connect to his private vox line as you realize you're not heading back to camp and are seeing more space wolves and space marines around.

"To meet up with the rest of the Vlka Fenryka and let them know what has occurred."

"Alright when do you think I'll be heading back to the guard outpost?" That seemed to be said as he patched you to the rest of the wolves with him. It went silent for a beat before they all started to laugh.

"Oh she's a funny one Captain!"

"Oh when do I go back?" One said in a mocking tone as they laughed harder at the look on your face.

"Arkyn!" You looked up at the expressionless mask unaware of the enamored look on the man's face as his hand just moves so gently over what he can without crushing you. "Arkyn what are they talking about!?"

"Oh it seems yer man is tongue tied."

"The past ten years lassie... you're all that he could talk about."

You leaned away suddenly feeling very trapped and afraid as they speak like what is about to happen is just normal. But the fact you couldn't see their faces just made this a bit more horrifying.

"Really I don't know how he could have fucked you and let you go. It's like what I did with my little wifey. I fucked her so good that she didn't even realize that I snatched her up. "

"I've got a little husband this time around..." You hear one of them start but you soon only focus on the sound of breathing coming over the vox and realize it's Arkyn's breathing and the sound of chops being licked.

"You let Rico die...." Is all you could get out.

"He was too close to you elskling." Arkyn said as if it was the most logical thing.

You would often like to say that you were a fighter. You would fight against anything until the bitter end but you just shut down as you barely listened to the Fenrisian though you had a feeling it was about you. And when you woke up next... you'd be in Arkyn's room with a pretty new collar.

#Yandere #Yandere Space Marine #space wolves #Yandere Space Wolf #Space Marine #warhammer 40k

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cho-aaacho · 7 months

Text

(Flufftober 2023) Kidfic/Petfic

Main Masterlist I Archive of Our Own

Flufftober 2023 Masterlist I Prompts List

Tags : Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Teacher Leon Kennedy, Kindergarten, Kindergarten Teacher Leon Kennedy, Flufftober 2023, Reader is genderless

(Flufftober 2023 Day 8)

The golden strings of sunshine caressed his hair, casting a golden glow upon him. His gaze drifted to the wall adorned with photographs of joyful children. Oh, it's been a while, he said to himself while scanning the photographs.

When he peeked into the garden, he saw those children running happily from side to side. Their innocent laughter mingled with the symphony of birdsong, alluring the whole room and serenading Leon's senses in the morning.

Leon reached the whiteboard, adorned with cute animal drawings and stickmen. All of the stickmen are delightfully colored in blue and red with crayons. He recognized the figures; they were him.

He's been a teacher at this kindergarten for almost a year. With a gentle gesture, a heartwarming smile, and a knack for connecting with the children through the magic of words, he effortlessly endeared himself and quickly became the favorite of all.

"Good morning, Mr. Kennedy."

He has prolonged eye contact with you as you draw nearer to him, making a close connection between you and him. Your gaze traversed his face, trying to find those gentle blue orbs of his.

"You..."

He returns your smile by playfully poking the cute, rosy cheek of the little one nestled in your embrace. The child is giggling at Leon's playful gestures, and as a reward, he offers Leon a few colorful block toys, a broken crayon, and a tiny bug from his mini bag.

Leon, puzzled by his gift, gave the kid a gentle smile and made him run away to his friends. After that, Leon's eyes swiftly reached yours. "Yes, I have a good flashback collection on my mind about this kindergarten."

You nodded as your attention swiftly turned to the squirming caterpillars cradled in Leon's palm. "You're everyone's favorite here, Mr. Kennedy. Even the headmistress likes you, haha."

He laughed playfully and almost lost his lung, and he put the caterpillars in the mini aquarium. "Really? I thought you were everyone's favorite. You teach me everything about the kids. You know, I was raised alone with my mom, and I don't have siblings. Kids are aliens to me."

As you gently shut your eyes, the caressing of sunlight envelops you, and the warmth becomes delightful, especially when you share a room with Leon. You offer him a mini-milk carton.

"So... do you have something good to share?" he asks.

A playful chuckle escaped your mouth and floated the rooms with your childishness, you stated. "You know, Mr. Kennedy. Sometimes teachers need a good vacation, and... maybe you want to join me for a picnic?"

His eyes widen in disbelief. You swear to God that his expression mesmerizes you. He's so cute. Too cute. How can he become this cute? "A picnic, you say? I would love that!"

"Perfect," you declare with a twinkle in your eyes, your spirits soaring like birds taking flight. "Then, we decide tomorrow at 10!"

#resident evil #resident evil leon s kennedy #resident evil leon #leon resident evil #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #leon x you #leon x reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy fluff #leon fluff x reader #resident evil fluff #fluff x reader #flufftober2023 #flufftober

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alexanderlightweight · 1 year

Note

I'm in love with your Lilith is Alecs mother AU!

Do you mind sharing anymore of this fic?

What are your thoughts/head cannon for this universe?

Thank you for all or your hard work and for sharing your work with us!

here is some more from desecration of souls which is mama!lilith obsessively raising her kid

i hope you enjoy and i'm glad you like it <3

lumine

“Alec,” Maryse calls like she has for the last fifteen minutes and for a moment, she thinks she sees him but then the shadows move and he’s not there, just another empty corner. It’s with annoyance that Maryse walks away, her heels clicking and tapping, and she tries not to let her anger get the best of her, or her worry.

It would be one thing if this rarely happened, but Alec is a strange and silent child, who listens obediently but who watches more closely and quietly that Maryse thought a child could. It was useful, at first, when Maryse needed to spend as much time on Valentine’s orders as possible. But here, in New York, now that she’s from under Valentine’s thumb and struggling to regain honor for the name she wears, she has time to be a mother and she hates how hard it is.

Alec is more difficult to find than a shape-shifting demon, sticking close to the shadows and rarely smiles. Oh, he’ll smile to himself and sometimes he’ll play with Izzy and Maryse will see hints of the child he is, but more and more those moments are lost to her. The smile gone before she looks and Alec’s eyes are cold as they watch her, as if she’s unfamiliar and a threat.

It’s unnerving, to be looked at by her own heir and Maryse ignores the whispers of her own instincts telling her that something is wrong and pushes him harder, speaks to him more firmly when she does see him.

And Alec never complains, he never starts fight or argues with her, but he never stops watching her and for some reason, it scares Maryse more.

—

Alec struggles to bring the flowers together in a crown and he pouts when it falls apart.

“Mama, your crown broke.” He complains to the darkness of his room, secure in the knowledge that his mother is always listening to him, always watching him.

In an instant, a body made of willowy shadows forms and shifting shadows cup his face. Alec tilts his head up and smiles at the faceless shadows that make up his real mother and he sighs as her possessive magic covers him in a soul-deep hug.

“My sweet little prince, always so good for me.” Mama croons and her hands pet through his hair and Alec sighs in delight, leaning into the touch with an eagerness that he only shows around his mother.

“Mama, I miss you.” He admits it and instead of scolding him, his mother makes a sound as if she’s been lanced and the darkness of her form pulls him even closer to the darkness.

“Precious child, I miss you. So very much, my little prince. It won’t be forever though, I’m still here. When you are older, we’ll find a way.” Mama reminds him and Alec nods and clutches the shifting sands of her dress and wishes that he could just be swept away by his mama.

“Love you mama.” He promises, because he does and there is no one in the entire world that he loves as much as his mother.

—

“Mama, I don’t want to marry a girl when I grow up.” Alec tells her, his nose wrinkled as he’s going over a book of runes. Lilith has been helpfully reminding him of some that have been lost to time and Lilith pauses at this change in subject.

“You don’t ever need to get married.” Lilith says, because she hardly needs Alec thinking he needs to go out and get engaged at a young age like others of his kind.

“I don’t want to marry a girl.” Alec repeats and he’s watching her with something suspicious in his eyes.

“Good.” Lilith says, when she finally realizes what he means. She’ll be the only woman of actual importance in her son’s life and considering Lilith has had to share him with Maryse and Isabelle. “I’ll find you a decent warlock or seelie, when you’re old enough.” She adds, because that should give her a few centuries to properly coddle Alec once she has him away from his mortal ties.

Alec doesn’t seem concerned that she’s making decisions for him and Lilith settles, content in the knowledge that she is an amazing mother and doing a much better job than that bitch, Maryse.

#lumine writes #writing wednesdays #writing wednesday #shadowhunters #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters au #malec #my fics #my fanfics #my ficlets

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firewitchcafe · 1 year

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Kitchen Witch Inspo

Hello there!

Life can be, understandably, chaotic and wild at times. So I am here to share some of resources that I used for some meals! Witchy or not, I hope that some of you can find use from this list!

Online

Thaqueenofsauce - on Tiktok and Instagram! Her page is filled with Stardew Valley inspired meals, often filled with seasonal fruits and veggies.

Lizzieandthebats - on Instagram! While she does some general kitchen witchery, she also has many magical cocktail recipes to try.

Blackforger - on Instagram! Her energy is a delight, and she gives a lot of good information on forging. She also makes recipes with the items she forges!

ElvenFood - a Reddit filled with vegetarian and vegan recipes designed to look magical.

BudgetBites - A website that gives recipes that can be made on a budget

SortedFood - Part entertaining banter, and part helpful. A youtube channel dedicated to to bridge the gap between “normals” and chefs, while also showing unique ways to use the food that is already in the back of your pantry!

emmymade - Fun, chaotic, but also calm energy when it comes to this youtube channel. Emmy tries out a range of different foods and recipes, some better than others, and shows her process making them (This channel has a special place in my heart as well).

TastingHistory - An educational channel that talks about different recipes that were eaten throughout history. He jumps from multiple time periods, some of the recipes he recreates go as far back as Mesopotamia with other being as recent as WWII.

Cookbooks

Remember to look at your local library’s collection first! If they don’t have it and you’re willing to wait, they can order the book for your!

Small batch snacking cakes by Aimee Broussard - Exactly as it sounds like! Many recipes that make quick and yummy cakes.

Delish Kids by Joanna Saltz - Has a lot of recipes designed for kids, but it is very useful to add nutrition in different ways.

The Good Neighbor Cookbook by Sara Quessenberry and Suzanne Schlosberg - Not only a good book with quick and large amount of recipes, but it is also divided into life events! So if you want to bring a bit of hearth into a person's home then this book is great!

Cook As You Are by Ruby Tandoh - Not only does the art have a lot of diversity, this books is very friendly to each individual. Variations and substitutions are PART of the book, as well as include people with disabilities. It also includes a "note about eating" providing a safe space with those with eating disorders. This cookbook also suggests other cookbooks if you're interested in similar recipes.

Time to Eat: Delicious Meals for Busy Lives by Nadyia Hussain - Honestly a great resource to look through! There are a variety of recipes all intended to be made with the fact that life is just busy. I reccomend the pancake recipe!

As I look for new recipes during the year, I will update this post! Hope you find use from my recommendations!

(Updated: 4/17/2023)

#witchcraft #kitchen witchcraft #kitchen witch recipes #witchblr #witch #food #foods #joker talks #witchery #kitchen witch #recipes

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rainbow-nerdss · 9 months

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Chocolate, Frosting, and a little bit of magic

Written for @augustwritingchallenge day 14: Wizards and Witches Buddie, 1.5k Read it on AO3

Buck's eyes snapped to the door as his charm alerted him to a new customer. A man and his child walked into the bakery, and Buck's eyes widened.

The child led the way to the display case, while his father looked around in a surprised sort of amazement.

The charm over the door wasn't the only enchantment Buck had over this place. Many of them were simply to make his life easier—alerting him to a new customer, reminding him of his regular's names, calculating change for him, or keeping the pastries fresh for longer.

Others were a precaution, to keep himself and his customers safe.

There was one charm which kept certain people out, blocked the doorway and wouldn't let them enter, imbued with memories to recognise the people in question before they could cross the threshold. That one had been difficult to weave, but Buck was proud of it. It made this place a home, ensured Maddie and others could feel safe here.

Another safety charm disguised the front of the store, so those without magic would see a dusty, run down little place, while those with the touch saw it for what it was — yellow shutters, cakes baked with love, imbued with small magics and painstakingly decorated by hand.

Buck didn't discriminate in who he served, as long as they meant no harm, but it was rare to see a mundane person in here, and that meant Buck's regulars were able to feel more comfortable being open with their magic.

This man, though—Buck knew right away he had no magic. The child, on the other hand… Buck could see something in there. A spark of light, magic.

Buck stepped out from the back room.

"Morning! I'm Buck, what can I get you?"

The child grinned at him. "I'm Chris, this is my dad Eddie. He said he'd get me any cake I want for my birthday!"

Buck grinned at Chris, then gave the father —Eddie—a softer smile.

"A birthday cake? Well, that calls for something special!" Buck's charm whispered to him. "Let me guess… You're turning nine?"

Christopher beamed, and Buck felt the magic, pure light, pure joy. This kid was powerful, and his dad had no clue.

Buck showed off his range of birthday cakes, and while Chris deliberated, Eddie spoke to Buck.

"This place," he said. "From the outside, it looked… different."

Buck nodded. He didn't have any hard and fast rules about what he shared with people like Eddie. Some people refused to even talk to them, mostly out of gear for how they might react, fed by negative experiences.

Buck, though… he'd been hurt by enough of his fellow magic users to know it didn't matter how much power someone yielded. If they were a good person, they'd be good. If they were bad, well…

He had a feeling Eddie was good.

"It's magic," he whispered.

Eddie snorted. "Sure, right."

Ah, Buck thought. One of those.

He inhaled, then blew a gentle breath onto Eddie's forehead, who backed away. "What was—"

"Go look from outside again," he said. Eddie scoffed, took Christopher's hand, and then they left.

Eddie called back an hour later to order the chocolate fudge sundae cake, to be collected in a week for Chris's birthday.

The next time Buck's charm alerted him to Eddie and Chris's presence, he didn't need them. He heard Chris before the door even opened.

"Dad, it looked like that last week! I swear it did!"

Buck looked up to see the pair of them, Chris as bright as ever, Eddie frowning even deeper.

"I told you it was magic," Buck called over to them.

Eddie was hesitant.

"Really? Magic is real?!" Chris was delighted, rushing across the small shop over to Buck.

"Of course it is!" Buck crouched down so he was on eye level with Chris. "Try this," he whispered, holding out a small cookie.

Chris looked to Eddie for confirmation that he was allowed to taste it.

"Free sample, for the birthday boy!" Buck clarified, and Eddie gestured for Chris to go ahead.

When Chris ate the cookie, he nodded to show his appreciation, then began to float roughly an inch above the ground. He laughed out loud, a joyful little squeal.

"Dad, look!" He called.

Eddie just stared. "Are you holding him?" He asked. Buck stepped away, hands open and empty. Eddie approached Chris, searched around him for ropes or a platform.

"That's… impossible," Eddie said, finally.

"If you say so," Buck shrugged, going back behind the counter to retrieve the cake. When he got back, Chris had finished the cookie and was back on solid ground.

"Can I have another one, Buck? Please?'

Buck glanced at Eddie and saw the answer in his expression. "Sorry, bud. I think one is enough for now. Wanna see your cake?"

He set the box down and let Chris peek in.

"Is this one magic, too?" He asked.

Buck pursed his lips. "Wanna know a secret?" He asked. Chris nodded so enthusiastically Buck almost worried he'd lose his balance. "All my cakes are magic. This one has a charm that makes it feel like you're eating a real ice-cream sundae, all cold and melty in your mouth!"

Eddie warned Chris not to eat any before they got it home for the party, then gestured that he was ready to pay. Buck took him to the register and rang him up.

"Look, I get you don't believe in this stuff, but…"

"It's not that, Buck. My Abuela has charms of her own, you know?"

Buck raised an eyebrow. He hadn't expected that, honestly. "Does she?"

"Yeah. She moved back to Texas recently, but she always said Chris had potential."

"He does. I can see it in him," Buck chimed in, and Eddie's look of surprise was worth the brief panic he'd overstepped.

"Yeah. She makes these tamales, and when you eat them it's like…"

"Like a warm hug from someone you haven't seen in a long time," Buck finished, recognition clicking.

Eddie's mouth dropped open. "How—"

"Isabel was a regular here," Buck explained. "I was sad when she said she was moving. I used to trade these for her tamales once a week." Buck pointed to his éclairs, the ones piped full of cream imbued with a pain-easing charm. "She liked them for her arthritis."

Eddie blinked rapidly, like he was fighting tears staring at the display. "She gave me those once," he said. "When I was hurt on the job."

"Ah, so you're the firefighter grandson she spoke about so much?" Buck checked, though he'd figured that out as soon as Eddie mentioned the tamales.

Eddie nodded, bashful. "She talk your ear off about us?" He asked.

"Something like that," Buck said. He thought of all those times she spoke about her Eddito, telling him to just say the word and she'd be happy to set them up. "She never mentioned me?"

Eddie made an apologetic face. "Only magical friend she spoke about was someone called Evan," he said.

Buck laughed, gesturing at himself. "I kept telling her not to call me that! Evan Buckley, but I'm Buck to everyone—except grandmas, I guess."

Eddie's cheeks turned pink, and Buck figured Isabel must have been saying the same things to Eddie.

"Daad!" Chris called, and Eddie turned to look at his kid. "I know I can't have another cookie, but could Buck come do magic at my party?"

Eddie, to Buck's surprise, turned back to Buck, waiting for his response.

"I don't really have anything for a birthday party, sorry buddy." If he'd had more warning, he could have whipped something up, but those kinds of things took preparation.

Chris didn't seem phased. "Oh well, you can come anyway if you want!"

Eddie made a face, but it was more thoughtful than a firm no. "You're more than welcome, if you're free later today. Abuela's planning to face-time at some point."

And that solidified it for Buck. He was agreeing before he even thought it through.

"I close up here at four, is that okay?" He asked.

"Yesss!" Chris cheered, dancing on the spot.

"Here," Eddie grabbed a napkin and a pen, and scribbled something on it. "Our address," he explained, handing it over. "And my number — just in case."

Buck stared at it, then tucked it away in his pocket. "Thanks, Eddie."

Eddie turned to go, picking up the cake and putting his other hand on Chris's back to lead him out.

"Oh, Eddie?" Buck called. Eddie looked over his shoulder. "I'm not sure what Isabel said about me, but… if it's anything like what she told me about you… I wouldn't mind giving it a try."

Eddie's blush confirmed it had been exactly what he thought.

"I—" Eddie stammered. "We can talk about that after the party, okay?"

"Talk about what, dad?" Chris asked, and Buck laughed to himself as Eddie stumbled walking out the door at Chris's question.

Buck made a note to send Isabel a thank you package of all her favorite treats. A little preservation charm on the box, and they should make it to Texas without much difficulty.

He closed up shop early that day, ushering the few remaining regulars out. He had a party to get to.

#my fic #au gust 2023 #au gust fills #buddie #buddie fic #buck/eddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz

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karskilledme · 6 months

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Late Night Visits Pt.2 Kars x Reader

Link to part one(NSFW) if you haven't read it. A long time ago someone said I should make a part two. I'm trying to write again so here it is. Reader and Kars renegotiate their 'agreement' into something much more suitable for two lovers.

Warnings: Cigarette mentions, mentions of sex but no actual sex, not proofread.

Words: 738 (A shorty)

Minors DNI

It had only been two days between Kars sniffing out my feelings for him and his next visit. The night started off like many before it, with a cigarette and hot, needy, sex. What was different was that he didn’t leave right after. When all was said and done, he’d usually slink away into the night but this time he stayed. He had said things would need to be renegotiated but half of me believed that was just to appease me. It seems I was wrong and that’s not something I’m disappointed about.

Kars didn’t redon his loincloth as he usually did. Instead, he put on a pair of shorts I’d once gotten him and gracefully laid down next to me on my smaller than needed bed. It did the job just fine when we were on top of each other but now that we were laying towards each other, it seemed much more pitiful.

Kars looped a strand of my hair in his fingers and hummed. He seemed to ponder for a moment. The anticipation of what he might say practically ate me alive and I’m sure he could sense it. Finally, he spoke. “About our agreement. It seems that I too have developed some kind of feeling for you. You’re a silly thing but I do like you and I especially like your company.” He paused, dropping the strand of hair and turning to look at me more intently now. “I suggest that we make it official and you become my mate.” I stared at him in disbelief for a moment, taking my time to process what he’d just said. His way of talking was so formal and different compared to the likes of modern humans but it was charming in a way. His use of the word mate was the only hang-up I just couldn’t seem to move past.

“Mate?” I began. “I’m very happy that you have feelings for me… I guess I’m just a little confused about the whole mate part. Are you wanting to have kids… like now?”

Kars grinned with an airy chuckle and cast his head back softly before returning his gaze. “Mate is what Pillarmen typically call their partners. You humans use all kinds of silly terms to lighten the weight of the word. And there is no rush on kids, of course, I do have quite a lot of time on my hands to get to that.”

I smiled softly with a chuckle at the beautiful man before me and his unique mannerisms. I sighed, not in exasperation but rather in delight or contentment. “Well then mates it is!” I giggled out, squeezing his bicep.

Kars moved, softer than usual, from beside me to cage atop me with one hand on either side of me. His hair tickled me ever so softly as he peered down at me and I at him. It felt magical basking in this feeling of closeness we now openly shared. He leaned down closer, his breath tickling my lips causing my heart to erupt in flutter. It was silly really, considering what we had just done moments ago but a kiss on the lips was what I had dreamed of for many nights and now it was so close, he was so close. His lips pressed ever so softly to mine, soft and plush like a velvet pillow. I kissed back with all the emotion I could convey though I doubt my lips were nearly as soft and nice as his. He pulled back and leaned his forehead in close, the bodies of his horns rubbing softly against my skin. This intimacy felt so warm and unreal. I never knew the mean and supposedly awful side of Kars but I also have never known this sweet and tender side that I was seeing now. Unreal was the word for it. He pulled away with a look of contentment, different from his usual look of cockiness.

“It’s a pillarman tradition to rub horns with your new mate. Considering you don’t have any I made do with your human forehead.” He said leaning up to kneel above me. I scoffed with a smile. “You sure know how to ruin a cute moment with your human-shmuman talk. Well, I thought it was sweet and if I had horns I surely would have reciprocated.”

Kars gazed at me mischievously. “You’re lucky I like you (Y/n).”

#Haleywritesstuff #kars x reader #jjba x reader #jjba fanfic #jjba #kars #fanfiction #x reader

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trungles · 1 year

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Regarding your winter romcoms: just wanted to say you have truly IMPECCABLE taste in films (which is to say that we have the *same* movie taste), and it makes me love you/your art all the more. Any other suggestions? Ultimte favorite films? Do share!

HELLO, it has been a hot dang minute since I did one of these, and I'm pretty sure this question was dropped into my inbox closer to Christmas of 2022. So. Thank you very much for your kind words, anonymous, and apologies for the very long delay!

This is a fun question, though, so I really wanted to answer it eventually. Forgive the typos, grab your popcorn and your Red Vines (the best licorice-ish candy, I WILL FIGHT YOU no I won't but I love them), and let's go through my favorite comfort-watch movies. They're mostly rom-coms and coming-of-age movies for teens.

As a general caveat, I am not a big movie person at all. I know basically nothing about film. You will find no sensitive critique or analysis here. My favorite movies are all VIBES. I'm also not a big horror/thriller/bloody violence sort of person, so I don't watch many of those, which is weird because a goodly number of my dearest friends are horror film buffs. Also, I have made it a habit, in my adulthood, to go watch movies that I wasn't allowed to watch or didn't have access to as a kid. I'm a first-and-a-half generation immigrant to the United States, so my way of getting comfortable with American culture was to sort of approximate its vibes by absorbing its popular culture almost anthropologically? So in this post I'll maybe go over why I like it, and I might mention some of the things that have not aged super well because, as I'm sure you know, every single thing ever made cannot help being a product of the time it was made. I believe in being able to watch these things critically, enjoying them as they are, understanding that everybody's mileage may vary, and that not everything I like will be for everyone. I'm mostly including this bit because it's internet and people don't always know how to simply disengage with things they don't like.

In my Winter Movie post, I recommended The Holiday, When Harry Met Sally, Single All the Way, Moonstruck, and While You Were Sleeping, so I won't go over those again. Let's kick this off with something to help manage everybody's expectations.

The McG-directed Charlie's Angels movies, 2000 and 2003. Both of them.

I actually saw the second one first. It was one of the first PG-13 movies I ever saw in theatres, and it sort of just imprinted in my psyche, I think? They're just fun. They're real fuckin' fun. Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew Barrymore have great onscreen chemistry, and the cheesy wire-fu sequences are so ham-fisted that they delight me. These movies know exactly what they are, and they're very up-front about being Movies, particularly the second one where every scene seems to have an Old Hollywood pastiche. The first one has a bit of very odd brownface moments that I did not love upon rewatch.

Singin' in the Rain, 1952

I saw this movie for the first time when I was in middle school, and I was absolutely obsessed. It was the very first time I realized that the movies had its own histories, and that there was a transition of culture when there was a change in technology. Also, I just loved watching Gene Kelly dance, for gay reasons. Plus, Rita Moreno is in it for a split second, and she's divine.

Clueless, 1995

This movie rules, I don't know what else to say. It's a fantastic Austen adaptation, and while I was too young to catch this in the 90s, it felt great catching up with this one as an adult. I think it also helped me contextualize what other kids were into in the 90s, so I retroactively feel less isolated from my peers. It's a weird sort of magic. It's also strange to me, in hindsight, that in 1995 there was an enormous hit teen movie where there is a gay character who is treated incredibly lovingly for the time? Like, no gay trauma, no homophobic bullying, no nothing. He's just there, and he gets folded into the rest of the story and remains important to the main character's life? I'd have loved that as a kid.

Shanghai Noon, 2000

The year 2000 was an incredible time for goofy action comedies, and this one was formative for me. It's extremely silly and embarrassing to admit, but this movie was the first time I learned about how Chinese railroad workers built the transcontinental railroads in the later 1800s. I first saw it as a rental from the local video store, and my parents let me watch it because my dad liked Jackie Chan movies. It's... very 2000 in its treatment of racial politics, but you could reasonably argue that not too much has changed since.

The Princess Bride, 1987

I don't need to explain this to anyone.

Four Weddings and a Funeral, 1994

God, you can see the accent on Hugh Grant's mouth. I don't know why I love this movie as much as I do. I came to it a bit later in my teen years, and I'd watch it again every few years. It's grown on me more and more as the years go on. It's the only British-American ensemble production that I really latched onto, and it's in no small part because the supporting cast is so much fun to watch.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, 1953

This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I watch it probably three or four times a year. Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell star as two showgirls who embark on a cruise to France to work around the machinations of an old millionaire who refuses to let his son marry Monroe's character. It's got that iconic Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend number, and it has one of the best third-act thesis statement speeches I've ever heard in any era. It's a great old musical.

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, 2008

This is a gem that I missed back in 2008 because I was graduating high school at the time and had other things going on (being queer at a Catholic high school in the 2000s sucked ass, btw, let this ol' geezer tell ya). Frances McDormand plays a conservative governess who can't hold down a job because she, being a preacher's daughter, is a morally upright Amelia Bedelia. Out of desperation, she scams her way into becoming the social secretary for a bubbly young actress played by Amy Adams, and they spend a wild and heartwarming day together where Frances McDormand's character navigates wartime, friendship, and romance. This is also the movie that made me develop an embarrassing crush on Lee Pace (not because Lee Pace is embarrassing, I just hate having crushes on famous actors because I know, at the end of the day, that they're just weird theatre kids who have money now). It's based on a novel written in 1938, and it's aged surprisingly well.

Sailor Moon SuperS, 1995

I borrowed the VHS for this movie from the library as often as I could in the second or third grade. It was the one movie I had memorized in my brain to the extent that I could just recite the dub to myself whenever I wanted. Plus, Chibi Moon was my favorite (do not @ me, I will fight you).

Waiting to Exhale, 1995

I don't know how I caught this one as a kid or which channel aired it, but Waiting to Exhale–starring Whitney Houston, Angela Bassett, Loretta Devine, and Lela Rochon–was something I saw pieces of when I was way too young to understand any of it, and it was a joy to revisit it as an adult. I've since seen it a few times. This endlessly gif'd scene pictured above is every bit as cathartic as it looks, and the soundtrack is incredible.

The Mummy, 1999

Yeah yeah, this is an incredibly unsurprising and safe pick, but the movie is so much damn fun, and Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz have the most belligerently bisexual energy ever shared between a heterosexual pairing. I don't know how else to explain it.

Sister Act 2, 1993

I saw this one on TV a lot, and I watched it from top to bottom every single time. I don't think I've ever actually seen the first one.

Adventures in Babysitting, 1987

I found this movie incredibly delightful, and I'm pretty sure I watched it in adulthood because I was looking for this movie I'd only seen in bits and pieces on TV as a kid or something. It stars Elizabeth Shue and a very young Anthony Rapp. Plot-wise, it's very much like Lord of the Rings if Gandalf were a plucky teen girl and the hobbits were a bunch of literal children. I'm not kidding. It's also an 80s movie about a bunch of white suburbanites who have adventures in Chicago, so there are a couple cringey moments, but by the standards of its time, nothing wildly egregious. Bonus points for a surprise appearance by strapping young Vincent D'Onofrio.

Pretty in Pink, 1986, and Some Kind of Wonderful, 1987, double-feature.

I put these two together because they're the same movie, but gender-swapped. They're both written by John Hughes and directed by Howard Deutch, so they have the same very ineffectual Reagan-era flattening of class consciousness. They're about a poor girl/boy protagonist who falls in love with a rich boy/girl. The protagonist develops a richer relationship with their beleaguered father character and develop a better understanding of themselves, kind of. John Hughes teen comedy-dramas are significant, I think, because they're some of the first blockbuster teen movies that took teens and their feelings seriously, wrote from their perspectives, and courted teens as an audience (for all kinds of historical and economic reasons between the 70s and the 80s, I'm sure, but I'm no expert). They're also more watchable than some of the other John Hughes teen movies; Sixteen Candles is basically unwatchable to me.

Porco Rosso, 1992

I told myself I could only pick one Ghibli movie for this list, and this is it. Porco Rosso might be my favorite Ghibli movie, which might seem like an odd choice for me. Like a lot of millennials who were teens when Spirited Away came out, I got really into the Ghibli catalogue in the late 2000s but had seen some Ghibli movies much earlier in my life. My first was technically Grave of the Fireflies. I was eight, and came away with the notion that if I left my little brother alone, who was five at the time, the adults around us would just let him die, so I had to watch him as carefully as I could. I became an incredibly anxious and overbearing older brother very early. Next, I'd see the Buena Vista release of Kiki's Delivery service, so I have a soft spot for all the Sydney Forest pop songs they inserted in the 90s dub of that movie. By the time I watched Porco Rosso, I'd seen most of the rest of the Ghibli catalogue, but it really stood out to me. Most of Miyazaki's protagonists are girls, but this one is a kids' feature about a middle-aged man with a pig's head. In hindsight, I think I loved it because it is one of those rare children's narratives that conflates femininity with practicality and masculinity with frivolous ostentatiousness. It's worth a watch!

Say Anything... , 1989

This is one of those teen movies where they take small, mundane problems and make them enormous, which I sort of love as a storytelling tool. John Cusack plays Lloyd, a high school underachiever who falls in love with the valedictorian, and you watch him experience true internal motivation for the first time in his young life. It's very cute! I think the thing this sort of teen movie gets really right about being a teenager is you don't really have a sense of scale for your problems at that age because all your problems are just problems you're encountering for largely the first time. Ione Skye's valedictorian character experiences a pretty devastating family issue with her father, but it's flattened into the same strata as her anxiety about flying, her first breakup, and her feelings of isolation and remove from her peers. Plus Lili Taylor is in this as Lloyd's best friend character, and she's great, just like in the next movie on this list...

Mystic Pizza, 1988

I couldn't decide which gif I wanted to use for this movie, so I just picked two. It's another slice-of-life teen comedy-drama, and it's real cozy. The performances from all the young actors are fantastic. Lili Taylor, Annabeth Gish, and Julia Roberts are great in this, plus you get to see strapping young Vincent D'Onofrio again, which is a treat. He gets to do a lot more in this one. At this point it's worth noting that 80s teen movies are obsessed with romances among young people across different social strata, and true to the Reagan era, the movies like to impress upon its audiences that hating rich people is the same as hating poor people (cue heavy eyeroll). This honestly explains a lot of things to me about today's political discourses, I think.

To All the Boys I've Loved Before, 2018

I enjoyed this Netflix movie so much that I watched it 16 or 17 times in the month after its release. It's fine, I'm fine. I don't know exactly what it was. I love rom coms. I've seen a ton of high school romance movies, and this one hit me really hard for some reason.

And that's everything I could come up with off the very top of my head. I think I hit something like 20 movies up there? Whew! That's my evening, but it was the only thing I could focus on for more than an hour at a time today.

#ask trungles #movies

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