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topshelf2112-blog · 1 year

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Fellow enjoyers of suggestive desserts, I decided to translate this part of the episode “Distant Voices.” The actors are at fault for this, bless them. Translations are in bold.

BASHIR: Can I interest you in some more Yigrish cream pie?

May I entice you into eating a suggestive dessert as a prelude to other suggestive things?

 GARAK: No, thank you, Doctor. I'm quite full.

You’re a touch obvious, you know that? As well as obscene. We are in public.

BASHIR: But you've hardly touched your food.

I pay very close attention to you, but only in totally appropriate ways.

GARAK: The truth is, I'm trying to lose a little weight. Hemming women's dresses may provide me with a modest income, but it offers very little in the way of exercise.

Tell me I’m pretty. Also thin.

BASHIR: Well if you like, I can help you set up an exercise programme in one of the holosuites here.

I am using exercise as a euphemism, here, darling. Hint hint.

GARAK: I might just take you up on that. And speaking of holosuites  (Garak takes out an isolinear rod with a ribbon around it and hands it to Bashir.)  GARAK: Happy birthday. I know it's a few days off, but I wanted to give you your present early. It's a Cardassian holosuite programme. An adaptation of one of Shoggoth's enigma tales.

Still in public, silly creature. No, you never told me your birthdate, but you think the spy thing is hot so I figured it out. Also, I refuse to share you with this entire station, so I’m celebrating you today. Speaking of getting up to things in the holosuite…

BASHIR: Is it? I see.

I told you I wanted you to design yourself some lingerie. You’re such a prude.

GARAK: You sound disappointed. I thought you enjoyed mystery novels.

Praise me for my thoughtfulness.

BASHIR: I do. Human mystery novels. The problem with Cardassian enigma tales is that they all end the same way. All the suspects are always guilty.

Lingerie, Garak. You won’t wear it in the holosuite so quit trying to distract me.

GARAK: Yes, but the challenge is determining exactly who is guilty of what. Is Lieutenant Dax throwing one of her surprise parties for you this year?

Jealousy.

BASHIR: Oh, so I'm told.

Come to the party and make out with me, you twit.

GARAK: You don't sound enthusiastic about that either.

Not happening.

BASHIR: It's not that I don't appreciate all the trouble she goes to and everything. It's just that this year is a little different.

Fine. If we aren’t going to discuss lingerie, existential angst it is.

GARAK: How so?

I can win much more easily at this.

BASHIR: This will be my thirtieth birthday.

Isn’t it obvious?

GARAK: And?

I’m older than you. Do be careful, hmm?

BASHIR: Well, in many human cultures, the thirtieth birthday is considered a sort of landmark. It marks the end of youth and the beginning of the slow march into middle age.

Plays: “Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?”

GARAK: And that's considered bad?

Augmented does not mean that you exist outside of time, Julian. Honestly.

BASHIR: No. It's just that when you hit thirty, it becomes harder and harder to ignore the passage of time.

Tell me I’m pretty.

GARAK: I wasn't aware that humans saw growing old as a negative experience. On Cardassia, advanced age is seen as a sign of power and dignity.

Hint, hint. I’m hardly advanced, but you’ve secured yourself quite the catch, my dear.

BASHIR: Well I am aware that aging is part of the natural process of life. It's just that I don't want to be reminded of it, that's all. Look, Garak, in two days I turn thirty. If I choose to be grumpy about it, that's my prerogative

(Oblivious) Yes, I am a doctor but I would like to overlook all that biology rubbish.

GARAK: By all means, Doctor, be as grumpy as you like.

I’m feeling a touch cross myself, given that you are missing what’s right in front of you. This is what one gets for dating another species…

BASHIR: Thank you for the support.

What are you cranky about? I’m the one who is fast becoming ancient and undesirable.

QUARK: I hope you'll forgive the interruption.

Fierce and dangerous boyfriend of the idiot, I apologize for butting in.

GARAK: Of course.

At least someone sees my amazing qualities.

QUARK: You know, we just introduced a new lunch menu at the bar.

Can I sell you something? Anything? You’re looking much too thin!

BASHIR: Goodbye, Quark.

GARAK: Don’t take it personally. He’s turning thirty.

Apologies for my young, stupid boyfriend. He gets by on his looks, you know.

#star trek ds9 #julian bashir #elim garak #garak x bashir #garashir #humor

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walkingstackofbooks · 9 months

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DS9 4x06 Starship Down thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!)

[29 June '23]

Dax and Kira both rolling their eyes at Worf's "this is unacceptable" grumbles - same, ladies

"I'm fasting." Oh, interesting! Love an unexpected tidbit of Bajoran culture

"It's the anniversary of the Emissary's arrival." Oh

"Benjamin's never been one for ceremonies..." you don't say XD

Dax and Kira working side by side so much :3

"I made the mistake of letting my brother Rom execute these contracts." Rom is always the scapegoat, oh Quark. At least you're consistent XD

OH, THIS IS THE ONE WHERE THEY HAVE TO DISPOSE A BOMB!

"You cheated me, Quark, and you haven't even have the courage to admit it." Nice, I like this guy

I remember very little of this, actually! It's always fun to come into an episode not remembering much

"How long?" "Twenty minutes." "You've got ten." O'Brien's sigh... he sure does Have A Job

Julian pushing doors open like he's strong or something :P

Ohhhh, Sisko will think Dax and Bashir are dead 💔

"She did it." Oh, Kira's complete strickenness is heartbreaking

Quark's still trying to scheme... Of course

I can never see Quark's pink blue and white suit as anything but his trans pride suit XD

The fact Kira's eyes are still wet and Sisko is still so quiet and cut off. My heart.

"Something tells me they may be closer than you think." Good instincts! Only a little too late!

"Save your breath. I don't think there's anybody left alive up there." Gosh, this episode is hitting everyone hard.

I keep remembering what happens incrementally - now Kira's gonna keep Sisko alive by talking, right?

"It's very important that you listen to me, because there's gonna be a test later." Oh dear, Kira, you're doing your best and I love that this is your best <3

"Remind me to hold my breath next time." XD

"Is there anything else I should know?" "We only have a few hours of breathable air." "Thanks, anyway." XD Oh dear

"A year ago if you'd have done something like this, I would've thought you were just trying to be a hero." "And now?" "Now that I know you better I realise it was just a really stupid thing to do." I love these two so muchhhh. Her joke and his chuckle <3 <3 <3

Is Quark actually going to convince this guy to be more ferengi-like?

"They are not laid out properly." WORFFFFFFF. This is an emergency, things don't have to be perfect, just functional!!

Miles' uneasy look of I hope he doesn't say anything too bad that completely pisses off and disrespects my engineers

"What am I doing?" Oh, Kira <3

"Nerys?" !! I haven't got this far in my spreadsheet-data, but this is possibly the first time Sisko calls her by name??

And she responds "Yes, sir?" Going more formal the more informal he is!

The Federation mindset had so rubbed off on Quark - "It's up to us." Of course this is partly distrust that anyone will come and save them - but I think he's been influenced by hero-mindedness too

"If you don't mind my saying, Julian, that's a very strange fantasy." XD

Jadzia Julian friendship is the world to me tbh

Okay, I wasn't expecting Worf to actually take Miles' advice on board. Good for him!

"This can't happen. You can't die!" Oh, Kira.

"I'm going to pray because I don't know what else to do." oh kira. Oh, Kira. This moment is so precious to me, I can't explain why.

Oh boy, how is there SO MUCH going on in this episode that I had completely forgotten the Quark disabling a torpedo thing??

"I thought you said you never sold substandard merchandise. THis was supposed to explode on impact, wasn't it?" "Maybe I should offer them a refund." XD XD incredible

Their hysterical laughter to avoid thinking about their fear

"You just have to reach in.... and pick one!" JEEEEEZ QUARK WOW I KNEW IT WANT GONNA BLOW BUT STILL THAT WAS TERRIFYING

"Come on, Hanok. What do you say? You want to keep playing?" That was so flirty of you, Quark

The engineer's startlement at the bomb XD

"Just because one loses a bet, doesn't mean one gives up the game." Again, this was kinda flirty, no?

Odos pleased hm at Quark losing XD

What is wrong with Julian? "It's been nice.. talking... to you." That was not a human way of speaking 😅

"Thank you for rescuing me." "Now we're even." The second he takes to process that and then his outraged face!

"Proceed at your discretion, Mr Stevens." Okay, this is nice :3 Worf gets character growth!

"Oh, you can do it in twelve." O'Brien dishing out the treatment he usually gets XD

SISKO'S GONNA ASK KIRA TO A BASEBALL GAME

AAAAH HIS HAPPY SMILE

HER HAPPY SMILE

THIS IS THE CUTEST

"NERYS" AGAIN!

I LOVE THAT HE JUST HAS SPARE HATS IN HIS OFFICE

FFFFFF SO CUTE SO CUTE I CANNOT

Okay, how on EARTH had I forgotten that episode so much??? It's incredible!!!!

#ds9 starship down #ds9 4x6 #andi watches ds9 #WSB

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lorenzobane · 2 years

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What you leave behind (AKA i can’t stop weeping)

Okay I just binge finished DS9 and I cannot stop crying. Some thoughts as I go through the last LAST episode!

The way basically no one ends the series happier than when they started, the fact that so many people have to say goodbye, the genuine loss that Kira faces again and again, - and THEN she loses Odo? I don’t even ship them but I’m SICK of her having a broken heart. Sisko leaving linear time?? Sir don’t do that!! Come right the fuck back.

The war itself- 800 MILLION Cardassians dead?? I’M LITERALLY not over Damar’s death and then they kill millions more?? The Federation victory feels so fucking empty and it so good because it depicts how senseless war and loss and genocide is but. The scene of Admiral Ross and Sisko refusing to have a drink on Cardassia the way they had planned to show the hollowness of victory. FUCK.

Garak’s last speech about how destroyed Cardassia is and how they deserved it. The agony in his voice, the sadness- the HORROR. I mean! GOD. I’m dead. The real bitterness- I can’t believe they left Garak’s character there. BUT! That line he has about their “arrogant aggression” means that a new Cardassia really may grow into something to be proud of.

Miles and Bashir saying goodbye with a fucking angsty montage set to ‘the way you look tonight’?? The HUG!? The sad goodbye montages in general. I was actually fully weeping. That post that was like - if O’Brien was a twink everyone would have shipped them? Yeah.

I’m like... straight up hollow man. SISKO’S LAST OFFICIAL ACT WAS TO PROMOTE NOG?? I’M FUCKING!!! Gonna die.

Lol- I do like the “talk to a counselor about your annihilation fantasies” line- that’s funny AND true. Why does Julian love losing battles so much?? There has got to be something there. Maybe its the same as his chronic “i can fix them” syndrome. The only person with a stronger “I can fix them” syndrome is Ezri... maybe they DO belong together.

I also love that Kira is keeping up Odo’s antagonistic relationship with Quark. It’s so good, and it actually warmed my heart the way they’re both filling their sadness that Odo is gone by recreating the dynamic. Quark and Odo’s whole goodbye scene. Quark being sad that everyone is leaving. He’s my little guy!!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO NO NO!!! NOT JAKE LOOKING AT THE WORMHOLE. NONONONONONONON THAT CAN’T BE THE LAST SHOW BEFORE PULLING OUT TO THE STATION. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY AWEFIH;ASJDIFAKSDF

WHO WROTE THIS??? WHY DID THEY DO THIS FUCKING THING TO ME. AHHHHHHH. WHY WOULD THEY MAKE THE LAST GODDAMN EPISODE SO SAD. I’M!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe I’m done with DS9......... Is it bad if I like... immediately re-start it. I miss them already :( :( I want to see the slightly happier versions of these kids now please.

#deep space nine #star trek #st: ds9 #julian bashir #kira nerys #odo #jake sisko #benjamin sisko #nog star trek #quark

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writingsfromstarfleet · 4 years

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Weakness - Julian Bashir X Reader

A/N: Hello, this is a request for a very lovely Anon, so I hope you enjoy it whoever you are! And you lot too!

TW: slight mention of blood and some injuries to the reader.

'Be strong.' 'Be brave.' 'Don't show your weakness.'

Words that were drummed into your head from your childhood, you were raised with a family that believed that weaknesses were something you should eliminate, something nobody should know. As you grew up, you knew this was an old ideology, past its times, though it's hard to shake something taught to you all your life. You had decided to join Starfleet, and though you were excited for the fresh start, those words of your family echoed in your head constantly.

Since you'd arrived on Deep Space Nine, you'd found a friend in the doctor, Julian Bashir. Quite literally, the day you arrived, he found you sat by yourself in Quark's Bar and was quick to introduce himself. Very quick. A barely able to sit down kind of quick.

"Hello!" He had a very upbeat and cheery voice, he seemed very energetic. "You're new here, aren't you? The commander told us we had a new arrival, thought I'd say hello."

"Hello..." you trailed off, he hadn't given you a name in his excitement to talk to you. He laughed awkwardly and you flashed him a smile.

"Julian, sorry. Julian Bashir, I'm the medical officer here, as you might be able to tell" he gestured down to his blue uniform, you nodded in acknowledgement, a smile cast his way.

"Well, hello, Julian, it's nice to meet you, you're the first person I've spoken to today, I've not been here long."

"I hope I've made a good impression then" he smiled. You found yourself sat there for hours, chatting and getting to know one another. You'd found Julian to be pleasant, and very relaxed to be around; he had a lot to talk about, and you had the time to listen. A bond of sorts had been formed, and neither of you knew this meeting would turn into something bigger.

Seven months on, and both you and Julian had become far closer than either had expected, and closer than most people on the station. Not that either complained; Julian thought the world of you, and you felt the exact same. Every day, you'd meet up to spend a couple hours of your free time together, either going on walks, using Quark's holosuite, or even just chatting over a cup of raktajino. Anywhere was comfortable; as long as you were together, it didn't matter.

Though you were no stranger to away missions, Julian (if he wasn't going along) always gave you a briefing, always overly concerned that you wouldn't come back in one piece. Some may have found it to be annoying, but you thought it was sweet of him. You weren't used to the care you received from him, though it wasn't unwelcome, of course. But, your family had brought you up believing that love and care was in itself a weakness, and having it cast your way wasn't something you had ever had present. It was appreciated nonetheless.

"Julian, I'll be fine, it's just a small visit to this planet, nothing to worry about" you said, not unkindly, more in an attempt to calm him down somewhat.

"Nothing is ever 'nothing to worry about', you could injure yourself in an empty room, Y/N" he retorted, cocking one eyebrow up at you matter-of-factly. You couldn't help but laugh at the doctor, he was absolutely right. You were careful, at least you thought that, though your record in sick bay may prove otherwise. There was a small chance you held the record for being in the book more times than anyone else.

Landing down on the planet, you were accompanied by Major Kira, Lieutenant Dax and Constable Odo. A strong group for what was supposedly an uninhabited planet, but you wouldn't complain. You liked Kira and Jadzia a lot, you'd become good friends with them. Odo wasn't sociable much, though from the few conversations you had shared, he seemed very nice too. You began to scout for what you had come down here for when things took a turn.

A group of rogue Jem'Hadar began attacking your group, and you all did your best to fight them off, despite being caught off guard and being outnumbered. Faring well against them between the four of you, you had managed to fight them off. Turning to face Kira, you were about to speak when one remaining Jem'Hadar soldier fired a pistol your way, hitting you straight in the shoulder, just below your collarbone. Crying out in pain, you fell to the floor, Jadzia catching you as Odo made quick work of the solider.

Beaming back after a panicked Kira contacted the bridge, you clutched your arm and walked out of the transporter room almost as soon as you had arrived. The last thing you wanted was Julian, and you knew he was the medic that would arrive. It was his job, after all.

Julian arrived fast at the transporter room, and was met with three rough looking officers. He swore there should be four and immediately panicked.

"Julian," Jadzia started, seeing the look of dread on his face. "Y/N ran off the moment we beamed back. We don't know where, though."

"But why would.." he started, but was cut off by Major Kira.

"Y/N's hurt badly, we're all fine, just go."

Julian had never shot off so fast before, desperate for answers to more than one thing. His head was spinning as he ran through the halls towards your quarters, hoping you'd made pace for there. Upon arrival, he rang the bell for your quarters, and as he suspected, you didn't answer.

"Y/N, I know you're in there" he started, trying to maintain his professional calm voice, despite the worry for his best friend. "Please let me come in, you need medical attention."

To no avail, the door remained shut. Julian had just about enough of standing around while you were injured, and used his medical override on your door. It opened too slowly for his liking, and that's when he was met with you.

You were sat down against the wall, knees up by your chin, and your head resting on them. You had heard the door open, but didn't want to look up; you knew you would have t face the pity stare, and it was something you couldn't handle at that moment in time.

Julian approached you cautiously, though deep down he knew there was no reason to fear you. You wouldn't ever dream of harming him, though sometimes he did hesitate, and this was one such situation.

"Why did you run, Y/N?" Julian's voice was calm, collected and soft. No hint of anger, or pity, just curiosity and care. Staying entirely put, you found the voice to answer.

"Please leave." It was quiet, very quiet, and had there not been silence in the room, he would have missed it entirely. Kneeling down, he placed a hand on your knee, and one ran through your hair. Silently, this told you he wasn't going anywhere.

"Y/N.." he started. "Please, look at me, I'd really like to know what's wrong." His voice now was worried, less than the calm it was when he entered. You felt guilty; he cared so much and you were purposely making him panic. Slowly, with very little energy, you lifted your head and caught his eyes. Julian's eyes widened slightly, seeing just what the Jem'Hadar had done to you.

Your face was an off colour, slightly more so on the injured side, and you looked almost sickly. Blood from your shoulder has seeped right through your uniform and down your side, as well as smeared over most of the right side of your body. Whether you had damaged any of your ribs or bones remained to be seen. Julian thought it was a miracle you were even conscious. Never had he seen you look so defeated, and it broke his heart.

Beginning to get to the work at hand as you sat there, a silence surrounding you that was not uncomfortable, Julian tended to your injuries with the same gentle touch he always did. Not once had you ever felt unsafe with him, he handled everything you threw at him with love. Finally, once he was finished, and you were bandaged up, you spoke.

"Thank you, I'm sorry, I-" Julian cut you off with two raised hands in a stop motion. He sat next to you, placed an arm around your undamaged shoulder, and ran his hand through your hair.

"It's alright, I just want to know why you ran." Sitting up slightly, you explained.

"I didn't want you to see me injured, I was hoping that one of the other medical staff would have turned up. You haven't ever seen me like this, and I guess I was just scared you'd think different of me, like you'd think I was weak. I was taught as a child to never show your weakness, not even to those you're closest to, and I guess that's why I ran.." You couldn't even face him, knowing your words probably sounded silly. Your thoughts were confirmed as you felt him chuckle.

"My sweet, Y/N, you don't believe I would ever think such a thing, do you?" he began, suddenly getting a tad mores serious. "You are a warrior, you're strong and wonderful, and you're my best friend. Never would I ever think of you as anything less than that. Sustaining an injury isn't a weakness, it just means you did your job and that's something to be proud of."

Having gained the courage to look at him properly after his words had sunken in, you graced him with a smile, which was happily returned.

"There we go, my little fighter. Don't lose that smile."

"Thank you, I don't know what I'd do without you sometimes." You spoke more confidently than the last time, laughing along with him finally having come to your senses. Curling into his side, you two sat for a while, just enjoying each others company.

He may be annoying at times, and he may be a bit aloof, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't grateful for the man who'd thrown himself into your life. He was your best friend, and for that, you'd always be grateful.

#tw: blood #tw: injury #star trek imagine #star trek #star trek deep space nine #ds9 #deep space nine #julian bashir #julian bashir x reader #julian bashir imagine #x reader #imagine

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abigailnussbaum · 4 years

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How to do Garak/Bashir in Canon DS9

Yesterday there was a fun tweet asking people how they would remake DS9 if they were given the option today.

Which led to some fun discussions (you can see my answers here). Obviously one thing that pretty much everyone said was “canon Garak/Bashir”. That’s generally considered one of the show’s big missed opportunities, with both Andrew J. Robinson and some of the show’s producers expressing regret over never having gone there. But it did get me thinking: how would you tell this sort of story? Because look, it’s one thing to write Garak/Bashir in fanfic, filling in gaps in the canon or changing the entire tone of the story to suit your ‘ship. But if you’re retelling DS9 along basically the same lines - the end of the Cardassian occupation, the discovery of the wormhole, the Jem’hadar, the Dominion, the war with Cardassia - and with the personalities of the characters and the tone of the show largely unchanged, how do you fit Garak/Bashir into that story?

There are some obvious issues with trying to work this ship into the show’s story and overall tone. For one thing, Bashir is a Starfleet officer. We like to make fun of his early, annoying incarnation, but even in that form he is clearly a decent, principled man with strong values. It’s one thing to flirt (literally or figuratively) with a mysterious, sexy spy, but getting into a relationship with him would not only be stupid, it would run counter to Bashir’s image of himself. You could go in a dark direction with this - Garak seduces Bashir purely as a way of gaining power over him (and perhaps out of force of habit); maybe they end up in a kind of Hannibal/Will relationship. But that doesn’t seem sustainable in the long-term, or congruent with the type of show DS9 was. Bashir can’t trust Garak, and Garak has done things that Bashir would consider disgusting. That’s something you have to take into consideration if you want to write them as a long-term couple.

It’s also worth considering that, as much as the Garak/Bashir pairing lingers over the fannish perception of the show, it’s not actually that prominent in the series itself. The last episode that I would call a Garak/Bashir story, “Our Man Bashir”, is an early S4 episode, well before the Dominion War happens. And Garak is absent for a lot of the later developments in Bashir’s life - “Doctor Bashir, I Presume” (you’d think Garak, with his complicated relationship with his father, would have something to say about Julian having been illegally genetically enhanced by his parents) or “Statistical Probabilities” (a troupe of savants who claim to be able to predict the course of the war would surely be of interest to Garak). In most of these stories, Bashir is accompanied by O’Brien, a much safer option as far as suppressed sexual tension is concerned (it should go without saying that this feels like a deliberate choice on the show’s part, to undermine any idea of a Garak/Bashir relationship). Meanwhile, Bashir is absent from most of Garak’s important Dominion War stories - his relationship with Ziyal and her death, his position in Damar’s rebellion, “In the Pale Moonlight”. So if you’re going to retell DS9 with Garak/Bashir as a real ship, you'd have to rewrite a lot of these stories to take that into account.

Finally, you’ve got the show’s ending, which is an extremely dark one for Garak, who gets everything he thought he wanted - his position restored, a place of honor in Cardassian society - just at the point where Cardassia is decimated and, in his words, left dead. Working a romance with Bashir into this ending would be tricky, and risks ending up with the final scenes of Man of Steel - two people making out atop a mass grave.

(Obviously, I’m taking it as a given that this hypothetical version of DS9 is much, much better at writing mature, complicated romantic relationships than the real one. Most actual DS9 romance was painfully juvenile, and the one exception, Sisko/Kasidy, was also an extremely low-drama ship - Sisko literally sent Kasidy to jail and the next time they met they were like “so, that was a bit of a bump in the road; dinner later?” It should go without saying that Garak/Bashir would not be a low-drama ship, so the writing would need to be there to support it.)

Anyway, complicated but obviously not impossible. This is what I’ve come up with for how I would rewrite the show with Garak/Bashir as an ongoing couple. I’m sure there’s plenty of fanfic with other, better ideas.

To start with, lose the claustrophobia business. Or, you know, keep it, but the reason Garak was expelled from the Obsidian Order and banished from Cardassia is that he’s gay. (To be fair, I feel like “claustrophobia” was pretty clearly code even in the original show.) A lot of people in the upper echelons of the Cardassian hierarchy know this - Dukat certainly knows - and miss no opportunity to harass him about it.

Obviously, in this version of the show Cardassia is deeply queerphobic. I don’t think this is a huge leap. Cardassian society is deeply conformist, and family-oriented in a fascist-adjacent sort of way that prioritizes the father as the master of the home. It’s hard to imagine a society like that tolerating deviations from gender norms, and it seems fair to assume that reprecussions for such deviations would be severe.

Garak doesn’t actually have a problem with this - or at least, not that he expresses. Garak’s defining trait is that he believes in, and loves, Cardassia deeply, and espouses its chauvinistic (in both senses of the word) values to anyone who will listen. But at the same time, he’s smart enough (and enough of an outsider) to know how hollow and destructive those values really are. So Garak will explain to anyone who challenges him on it that Cardassian homophobia is right and proper, while knowing that he has fallen victim to it himself.

Bashir is out. Though “out” might not be the right word because the Federation is so nonchalant about queerness that the notion of being closeted doesn’t really exist anymore (this is a version of Star Trek where we actually follow through on the promise of a more progressive future). But at any rate, to Bashir and the other Starfleet characters, him being gay is so unremarkable that it doesn’t even come up until his and Garak’s frienship is already established. This deeply shocks Garak - he knew humans were perverted, but the good Doctor, his friend? Bashir, meanwhile, wastes no opportunity to needle Garak about his society’s barbaric homophobia (Garak: “humans may be prone to such... urges, but Cardassians are made of finer stuff”; Bashir: *rolls eyes so hard he can see the back of his head*). But at the same time, and without being entirely willing to admit it to himself, Garak is intrigued.

And so we continue for about five seasons. Garak flirts with Bashir, partly because he thinks this is a way of unsettling the good Doctor, but really because he wants him. Bashir assumes that it’s all an act, and plays along with it a little because, hey, sexy spy. But he never imagines that it could go somewhere real, and probably wouldn’t follow through if it did.

And then Bashir gets replaced with a Changeling (this is a version of DS9 where that idea was seeded throughout the first half of the fifth season instead of being decided on five minutes before “In Purgatory’s Shadow” started shooting). And the changeling takes one look at Garak, sees an obvious in, and seduces him. Which clearly causes some awkwardness when Garak finds the real Bashir in a Dominion prison camp.

Bashir finds out. Worf tells him (this is a version of Worf who isn’t weirdly sexist and judgmental about other people’s sex lives). (Bashir: “why is Garak being so weird around me?”; Worf: “he and the fake you were doing it”; Bashir: “what”; Worf: “they were boning”; Bashir: “WHAT”; Worf: “they were engaging in sexual intercourse”; Bashir: “that's not possible. Garak only flirts with me to keep me on my toes”; Worf: *shrugs* “if that’s what you want to call it”.)

So now Bashir is upset because he’s spent the last five years bugging Garak about Cardassian homophobia and it turns out that Garak was a victim of it, plus he’s now been victimized by someone wearing Bashir’s face. And Garak is upset because he let his attraction to Bashir (Garak: “my base lust!”) blind him to the fact that his friend had been replaced by a changeling, leading to him being comromised as an agent (I will leave it as an exercise to the readers which one bothers him more). And, well, if you can’t get from there to romance on your own, you may not have read enough fanfic in your life.

Then you get the war, and honestly, I don’t know. You could do an on/off thing. You could make it a very casual relationship in between the two of them trying not to die and/or lose the Alpha Quadrant to the Dominion. You could have Bashir say “fuck it, I might die tomorrow and this guy makes me happy; who cares if my boyfriend is a liar and a murderer”. You could even go the Worf/Jadzia route and have them muse romantically about having a life together after the war. But either way, they spend more time around each other than they did in the original series.

But! When Garak goes back to Cardassia to help Damar’s rebellion, there’s a lot of tension between them, because Damar heard from Dukat that Garak is a pervert (you could still keep Ziyal’s death and Garak’s anger at Damar over it; those two always made more sense as friends anyway). And then it turns out that there’s an entire Cardassian queer underground, and in typical Cardassian fashion they’ve turned it into a whole spy network with operatives at every level of government. (Garak: “why did you never approach me?”; queer Cardassian underground: “dude, have you met you?”) And they’re willing to work with Damar if he promises that in the new Cardassia, they will no longer be persecuted (I think this dovetails pretty nicely with Garak’s observation that Damar needs to be disillusioned about the flaws of Cardassian society). So all of a sudden Garak is looking at a future where what he is doesn’t make him a pariah anymore.

And then you get to the destruction of Cardassia, and, again, I’m not sure how that combines with Garak/Bashir. The entire ending of DS9 is pretty rough on romantic pairings in general, but at least when Kira/Odo and Sisko/Kasidy break up, it’s bittersweet, and in service of other new beginnings. Garak’s ending is just bleak, and I’m not sure how you deal with a romance on top of that. The best I can come up with is Bashir saying “yes, this is horrible, but you can rebuild, and if you need my help with that, I’m not far”, leaving a door open for them to reconnect in the future.

Thoughts?

#deep space nine #garak/bashir #this got long

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icykalisartblog · 4 years

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hi, I've been reading some of your fic and I really enjoy it! one thing that interests me is you seem to see Julian as gay, whereas most of the fandom reads him as bi or pan, and I don't think I've seen a post by you but I'm wondering why that is? (I really like that interpretation myself as I'm a lesbian who sees a lot of myself and my journey out of the closet in Julian, but I am curious what your thoughts are on this.) Thanks!

Thank you for asking me about this! I was considering making some kind of post about it earlier, but felt too shy to at first! Explanation below the cut:

First of all, I give most credit for characterization in DS9 to the actors. I mean, they’re the ones who had to take charge and seemed to have the best vision (thank you, Nana Visitor, for refusing to let Kira have a romance with Dukat), so I think it’s pretty telling that day one, Siddig read the script and immediately thought Bashir and Garak were going to be “Star Trek’s first gay couple.” Plus, whenever he’s asked about Bashir’s romances, Siddig seems to always say they “never worked” and that Garak fulfilled the role of love interest for Bashir instead. Also, I’ve noticed Siddig talks in interviews about how young gay men were the ones sending him the most fanmail back when Bashir was an extremely unpopular character. And while it’s generally not a good idea to assume a character’s sexuality based on stereotypes, my goodness is Bashir coded gay for half of the show. Like, what about that time in “Past Tense” where some conventionally masculine men were talking about baseball, and then they’re stunned when Bashir says he prefers tennis? Or look at his campy exercise routine and outfit in “Rivals” contrasted with O’Brien’s drab outfit! Or how he acts so much like the gay best friend trope in episodes like “Rejoined” for Dax, or in “The House of Quark” for O’Brien.

This is all in addition to his relationship with Garak, too. In fact, I suspect that the reason Bashir was so disliked by many fans while DS9 was airing and characters like O’Brien were liked wasn’t because of his occasional obnoxious moments or bad attempts at flirting, but because in the majority of episodes he comes across as gay. Note that many cis straight guy critics think Bashir “grew” so much in the later seasons when he 1) gets even worse with women, 2) ends up with a girlfriend, 3) stops being shown with Garak, 4) loses all his campy mannerisms and acts deadened constantly, and 5) starts behaving actually arrogantly and callously when he was very sensitive and not anywhere near as arrogant as people claimed in the early seasons. So, all this is part of why most fans who are open to a queer reading see Bashir as bi or pan, often with a preference for women. But I’m pan with a preference for women and Bashir doesn’t read that way to me whatsoever! As Siddig said, whenever I see Bashir’s romances with women on the show, they feel forced and utterly devoid of chemistry. His initial stuttering overtures toward Dax felt genuine... but she’s been a man several times, points out to Sisko that Bashir finds that interesting, and then the relationship feels so much more natural as a sibling-like one around season 3! And I guess you could say, “Well, if the writing had been of a higher quality/If Siddig had been willing to follow direction more, these relationships would have felt more romantic,” but it’s a lot simpler to conclude that Bashir is gay and just didn’t start acting on it until he came aboard the station. In my own fic, the concept I go with is that after “Melora,” Bashir never pursues Dax or dates women again and is an adult gay afterward (so no dating Leeta, for instance). As for the engagement with Palis... Bashir already gives so many misleading explanations for why he became a doctor when we learn in “Distant Voices” that the true reason was “because his parents wanted him to,” so I imagine it was more of an arranged marriage that Bashir ran away from. Yes, that would mean he lied to O’Brien, but I’m pretty sure that’s what he would have done. I wouldn’t even be surprised if Palis was also an augment.

#garashir #Doctor Julian Bashir #I need an analysis/meta tag

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knees-of-the-bee · 4 years

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On the Treatment of Genetically Engineered People in Star Trek and Its Relation to the Mentally Ill

I just reblogged a post about Julian Bashir but was getting slightly off topic, so I'm going to have my tangent here.

Julian Bashir is an ADHD icon. He seems to need constant stimulation, he's showy, he's very passionate about whatever he finds interesting, he's impulsive, he talks a lot, and more. There's definitely hyperactivity. It's hard to say if he struggles with inattentiveness because we pretty much see him doing what he enjoys, so he could be hyperfixating on those things. All of these things scream ADHD to me, and the way he's treated because of these things opens up a whole can of worms. (You can see that post right before this one for a Bashir-specific take.)

The show's genetically engineered characters are really interesting to look at for how people with mental disorders are treated. These are (some of) the most intelligent people on the show, yet they're treated as if they can't contribute to society because they have unique struggles as a result of their genetic engineering. However, this is shown to not be true when they are able to provide information about the Dominion that no one else was able to see. While I agree with the fact that the Federation didn't surrender, they failed to address the legitimate concerns that these people had. They were lucky they were given a chance to do anything at all with the way the Federation treats GEP. There was one Khan, and suddenly, all GEP are something to be feared. This is something those with more severe behavioural symptoms know all too well with movies like Split demonizing psychotic individuals.

This is still happening even in such an advanced society! 'Oh we don't shock them, so they're fine!' All people are deserving of love, respect, and the ability to make the most out of their capabilities. The Federation does none of these things. They simply give them their needs and maybe a bit of stimulation, and they expect them to be grateful. When a GEP is found to be in Starfleet, he almost loses his entire career, and he is in one of the most noble professions there is! This is because his non-GE loved ones (specifically Sisko and his dad) stand up for him. They know who he is, yet they also start to treat him differently especially when he stops trying to blend in and starts questioning how GEP are being treated.

I don't really have a way to end this whole rant. I just want people to recognize that people are different from you in ways you might not realize. You should treat everyone with respect lest you lose the respect of society yourself. If someone isn't hurting anyone, why are they treated so poorly?

#star trek #ds9 #deep space 9 #deep space nine #julian bashir #genetically engineered people #genetic engineering #mental illness #mental health #mental disorders #adhd #mine

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a-stitch-in-time-and-space · 4 years

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sapphics and lizards kissed by Julian Bashir: part 3

A slightly less serious one in which Ezri and Julian gain a new understanding of their past relationship and their current state of affairs...

Ezri hadn't spoken with Julian in a few years. Not since their somewhat awkward breakup had turned into an even more awkward conversation about Julian running away to Cardassia and then a series of aborted attempts to schedule a meeting at some point in their busy lives had petered into a letter or a third-hand account of what he was up to. Apparently now he and Garak were making house with a third Cardassian.

She bumped into Kira occasionally, who had mentioned this other doctor before clapping her hands in front of her mouth and refusing to say more, but for a long time Ezri couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't quite real, as though she had dreamed all of her life after getting joined. Then she had begun her own journey of self-discovery and strangely not seeing Julian at all had made her understand him all the better. The two of them hadn't known who they were, muddled by her confusing memories of past lives, his grief over losing Jadzia, and their mutual attraction. After all this time she just felt they were lucky that they had ended it when they had.

Still, there was that awkwardness lingering around them now. She wanted to push through it. She had so much to tell him and she wanted to know what was going on with him from his own mouth.

“I'm really sorry for everything,” he blurted out suddenly in the middle of their stilted opening small-talk. Neither of them had been good at that. “I- if I'd understood things better then I'd never- or I'd have done it differently- or-”

“Julian, there's nothing to forgive,” she said before he could talk himself into an anxiety attack. “I was angry. For awhile. But then I understood, I was so... young. And we were both lonely. But you look happier now. It's working for you and Garak. And, uh...” “Kelas,” he said. He bit his lip lightly. “Did Nerys tell you? I didn't want to... you know.”

“It's fine, I promise,” she said. “I want you to talk to me. Actually I... want to tell you something too.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, I. I'm being joined.”

He frowned. “Wait, aren't you already-?”

“In the... 'marital' sense to use human terminology.”

“You're... you're getting married?”

“So to speak. Leeta and I are forming an official bond, which means establishing us as partners on Trill and Bajor. It's more ceremonial than anything, so that we can celebrate our union publicly, we already signed the various laws of partnership that could apply to us, but...” she shrugged. “It's important to her.”

Julian's face went through a journey of confusion as she spoke. “Isn't she already mar- joined? To Rom? Did they break it off?”

“No, no. It's been a bit of a hassle with Ferengi laws, but Trill and Bajoran society have no issues with multiple partnerships, provided I don't carry any over into next lives and seeing as Rom is the Grand Nagus and with the continuous feminist movement, it's worked out rather well. It's even being used to push further agendas on Ferenginar in favour of women legally being allowed multiple partners and not just the men.”

“How long have you two...? How?”

“We just... I don't know, fell into it somehow. Rom had some trepidations at first, but actually he doesn't mind if she has a hundred other partners. As long as he knows she's loved.”

“I bet Quark's happy,” Julian said.

She bristled. “Yeah, well, Quark's just jealous he never nailed a Dax or became Grand Nagus, so I'd say he's got nothing to add to the conversation.”

“No, yes, of course, I didn't mean...” he stammered.

“I know,” she began to laugh softly.

“What?”

“You're still Julian.”

“I... know,” he said despondently.

“I didn't mean it as an insult,” she said quickly. “I just missed you. That was all.”

He brightened considerably at that, responding happily when she drew him into a tight hug. “Are you happy?” he asked softly, arms feeling protective around her.

“Yes,” she answered. “I understand... so much more about who I am. All of it. These last couple of years I've felt like being joined was the best thing to ever happen to me. I never used to think that, I just thought make it work, maybe even enjoy it if I could. But now it's... it's me. You know?”

As she spoke they relinquished their embrace. He nodded. “You look content,” he said. Then he exhaled deeply.

“What is it?”

“I think every woman I kiss ends up in relationships with other women,” he said. “You, Nerys I'm guessing you know already, Sarina recently told me... Oh, and I bumped into Melora... very happy for you all, but wondering if this warrants further analysis. I'm naturally attracted to women who love women or I repel women away from me hard enough for them to never wish to be with another man.”

Ezri laughed. “We'll call it the Bashir Phenomenon.”

“Please don't,” he groaned exaggeratedly.

“And what about you and Garak and... Kelas?”

“Kelas and Elim... I originally was just happy enough to be their friend. Figured I'd lost my chance, but... it all happened very naturally. If they were to leave me for anyone of any or no gender I shall be very upset,” he said, and she could tell that even now he had his doubts about himself.

“They won't. Well, Garak definitely won't.”

“How do you know?”

“A hunch. And everyone from Deep Space Nine back in the day knows he was pining for you for years.”

“Seriously did everyone know that except for me?”

“Pretty much,” she nodded. “Think where we all got it wrong was assuming you knew it too and just didn't reciprocate.” She shook her head at him fondly. “Oh, Julian,” and for a moment she sounded exactly like Jadzia.

Julian wondered if he'd ever kissed Jadzia whether she would have ended up marrying Kira instead of Worf. But then, he'd recently learned that Kira apparently wasn't the marrying sort.

“I want you to bring them to the ceremony,” she said.

“Really?”

She nodded. “I'd be thrilled to see you. And... if you'd come to my – what's the word? - bachelor party? Nerys is planning it.”

“If it's nothing at all like Worf's I'm in,” he said.

#ezri dax #julian bashir #everything is polyamory int his verse #ds9 #st: ds9 #post-canon #writing #fanfic #star trek

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

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The Needs of the Many: A Garashir Reading of “Broken Link”

What’s the current definition of stupidity? It might be trying to write meta for a twenty-six year old show. But you know what? I’m doing it anyway. I make questionable fandom choices and regret mostly nothing.

So. I’m still watching Deep Space Nine—about halfway through season five, but with pretty much every spoiler under my belt considering I have no patience and dove straight into the fic—and I am, without a doubt, absolute garashir trash. Now this is important because as I watch I’ve been on the lookout for all the major scenes and episodes that the fans like to talk about, those that catch our attention for obvious reasons: “Past Prologue,” “The Wire,” “Our Man Bashir,” and the like. However, through my (admittedly cursory) browsing these last few months, I’ve been surprised to find no one talking about season four’s finale “Broken Link.”

On the surface it makes sense. Though Garak gets one of his all too rare episodes, we’ve past the point of no return with Berman’s homophobia and our two lovesick faves aren’t interacting as much as they once did. RIP.

Thus, it’s easy to pass over Garak doing another Bad Thing in the name of his Cardassian devotion, especially when the Bad Thing is circumvented thanks to Worf instead of Julian. However, what’s nagged at me since watching that scene is one simple, yet significant detail.

Julian was down on that planet.

Quick re-cap for those of us who haven’t watched in a while: the Defiant is taking Odo back to the Great Link in order to cure him of the disease they saddled him with in the first place (nice, huh?). Garak realizes that this may be the one and only time they have all the Founders together and potentially vulnerable. He tries to gain control of the Defiant’s weaponry, but is ultimately discovered and stopped by Worf. Sorry, Garak. You might be surprisingly fit for just a plain, simple tailor, but you’ve got nothing on a battle-obsessed Klingon.

All caught up? Fantastic. Now, all around it’s not a terrible plan. There are just two potential issues. The first is the whole, you know, genocide thing. Some of us tend to frown at that, no matter how much good eliminating the Founders might do moving forward. Beyond that pesky little moral issue, we have the problem that Odo, Sisko, and Julian are all down on the planet’s surface, their deaths a surety if Garak manages to succeed in his plan. This is acknowledged too, so we can’t live with the happy assumption that Garak just wasn’t informed about who was accompanying Odo on this particular mission:

Worf: And what about Odo, and Captain Sisko and Doctor Bashir?

Garak: They'll die. And once the Jem'Hadar ships realize what we're doing, so will we. But what are our lives compared to saving the entire Alpha Quadrant?

From a shipping perspective it doesn’t look too good. After all, how loving is your duo if one can so easily sacrifice the other, without a moment’s hesitation or—dare we imagine it—a single tear in sight? It’s a rather grim picture, the sort of scene that jars shippers out of their lovely little pockets, carefully crafted worlds where suspension of disbelief runs wild. The show-runners may not have had the balls to make anything canon until 2017 (good god), but provided the characters in question don’t actively sabotage the relationship, thereby leaving room for imagining something more, you’re good to go. No such luck with this scene.

At least, it appears that way at first glance. It occurs to me that there are a couple of potential readings if we feel inclined to reach for them. I find it notable that Garak is already thinking to the next logical consequence. That is, Jem’Hadar ships bearing down on them, him meeting his own demise soon after Julian. There’s admittedly something romantic in that. The willingness to let your loved one go, safe in the knowledge that you’ll be quick to join them. We could even argue that Garak isn’t thinking straight in this moment. We know he’s a proud man devoted to his people, exile aside, and right before this he has a rather gutting conversation with the primary Founder:

Founder: They're dead. You're dead. Cardassia is dead. Your people were doomed the moment they attacked us. I believe that answers your question.

So, as far as Garak knows, entire fleets of his people were killed in their last battle, including his father—quite the emotional blow, even if Tain was an absolute shit dad. He’s also received confirmation of what the Federation has long suspected, that the Dominion isn’t content to keep the Alpha Quadrant out of their business, but has every intention of seizing control and, given their history, eliminating rather than assimilating it, to quote the Borg. You’re dead. Your entire species is dead. Everyone else you associate with, even those insidious humans, are dead. It’s only a matter of time. As Garak has pointed out seasons earlier, he knows when to cut his losses and that was one hell of a “resistance if futile” speech. If the rest of the quadrant has any hope of survival, now is the time to cut those losses—including Julian.

Which I actually really love.

Because it’s true to Garak’s character. He’s a complicated, morally gray guy, just the sort to blow himself and his shop up in the hopes of saving his life. Or justify killing the entirety of one species to ensure the survival of many. As much as we (or at least I) would have loved a dramatic declaration of love, the realization that he can’t target the Founders no matter how necessary it may seem because his Julian would be caught in the crossfire… that’s just not Garak. Just as importantly, it’s not Julian either. See, I think this scene pairs rather well with “Our Man Bashir.” We can come up with the same sort of potential readings for why Julian was willing to shoot someone he—from the shipper’s perspective—is already head over heels in love with: he’s a doctor and had every confidence in his ability to keep Garak alive until they get out of the holosuite. He’s genetically enhanced and has superb aim, knowing he’ll only create a flesh wound. He was really trying to hit the wall and fucked that one up badly whoops, etc. Regardless of those headcanons though, canonically speaking Julian did shoot him and that’s all there is to it. More specifically, he shot Garak to make sure that Sisko, Kira, Worf, O’Brien, and Jadzia survived, a sacrificing the one to save the many situation, much like Garak’s plan. Or, to put it another way:

Spirk is the ultimate standard for all other Star Trek ships, if not, for many, shipping in general. Lots of fans have already pointed out the similarities between the sickbay hand clasp in Star Trek: The Motion Picture and Julian’s moment of forgiveness in “The Wire,”

but there’s another parallel between Spock’s iconic sacrifice and the choices made in DS9. “Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” to which Kirk answers, “Or the one.” This is the same logic that our new duo is abiding by.

Though a notorious liar, we’re left with nothing else that challenges Garak’s words—he truly seems to believe that the Alpha Quadrant’s safety is worth sacrificing those on the Defiant for. Though a doctor through and through, we’re left with Julian’s steady hand and blood on Garak’s neck—he truly seems to believe that potentially losing one friend is worth assuredly saving five. Neither one is willing to compromise their morals for the other and I personally think that speaks to a healthy amount of respect, both for themselves and each other. In the same way that Garak embraces Julian’s Federation-style optimism and Julian comes to understand that lies are how Garak communicates, they simply and completely accept one another. That includes saying through actions if not words, “I love you, but I’m not going to let that love compromise my core beliefs.” Neither is the type to let love interfere with what they perceive as their duty, but that doesn’t mean the love doesn’t exist.

Of course, if we follow the spirk parallel, that devotion to the many is later challenged. In The Search for Spock Kirk reverses the logic and justifies his journey with, “Because the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many.” Anyone who reads any of my metas knows that Context Is a Thing and in this case the context for both films is personal sacrifice. Spock chooses to sacrifice himself to save the Enterprise. Kirk and the others choose to risk their lives and their careers to get Spock back. These are markedly different situations from what Julian and Garak shoulder: sacrificing one another for the many. If you love someone, then giving up your life for them is easy. Having that action save a whole bunch of other people along the way? Icing on the cake. You die knowing that you’ve done the heroic deed and your better half lives on. But can you harm your other half to uphold your oath as a doctor? Can you kill them to save millions of others? I’d argue that Julian and Garak have the far more difficult choice and both of them managed to answer, “Yes.” It’s a testament to their characterization and, given their strong ethics, precisely how well they fit together. They know where the other stands, what they mean to one another…and when they can’t afford to prioritize that love over everyone else.

In the end, neither even knew that their sacrifice would pay off. If Garak had succeeded in gaining control of the Defiant’s weaponry he might have found that the Founders had another trick up their sleeve to ensure their survival, leaving him with a dead Julian and an unharmed foe. Julian doesn’t know if he and Garak will be able to survive the holosuite program—or what might happen to the others if they perish. He might end up losing everyone, himself included. Neither has any assurances when they make their decision and that to me makes it that much more meaningful. They’re both acts of determination and faith. And from a narrative standpoint (with help from a healthy dose of Plot Armor) they’re both rewarded for that faith. Garak isn’t forced to kill Julian. Julian’s shot harmlessly skims Garak’s neck. They made the hard call, lost little, and in the case of “Our Man Bashir,” gained a healthy dose of respect for what the other was capable of.

I think that’s pretty damn neat.

Right. Thank you for coming to my decades late TED Talk. Peace ✌️

Image Credit

#1: https://boldly-yo.tumblr.com/post/183708405938

GIF: http://kuma-la-la.tumblr.com/post/36694488334/the-needs-of-the-many-outweigh-the-needs-of

#2: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kirk/Spock

#3: https://edosianorchids901.tumblr.com/post/181806580405/garak-and-julian-in-222-the-wire

#deep space nine #ds9 #garashir #garak/julian #mymetas

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lauranthalasah · 5 years

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Julian Bashir's parents... I FUCKING HATE THEM! For argument's sake I'm going to accept that Julian had a disability that would make him dependable of external care for all his life (which I'm not so sure about, but lets go with it), if these parents wanted to give their son a chance of an independent "normal" life, they would have made him normal (average), they would had engineered him into standard parameters, intelligent yes, but not genius intelligent, a healthy body yes, but not better stamina and better eye hand coordination than normal, nothing about his external appearance should have been touched (height for example), if they had done it this way i think no one would had care, I think most people would have seen it as if we could give the hability to see to the blind, or hearing to the deaf, it's nothing better than the rest, is just like the rest. What they did instead is assured themselves that their son had not a chance to fail, Julian is, simply put, better than humans in general. And by doing that these parents robbed their son the chance to have a normal life, they robbed him the chance of living an open life, he had to hide himself for half of it (fuck but he saw himself as a monster for all that time), he had to lose on purpose, he had to fail on purpose, and he had to lie to everyone he knew because of what was done to him. It's not an "easier" life when you live all of if with the fear that one day everything you gained could be rip away from you, that you could lose your title, your career, your job, everyone of your achievements and the respect and care of those you love. Julian was sadly right, he isn't his father's son, he is his father's creation, and is fucking heartbreaking AND I WANTED THIS STORY TO BE MORE EXPLORED IN THE SHOW! I wanted for the show to explored the fact that for years Julian has hated himself, you can see it in the episode, the despondency with which he talks about himself, the solitude with which he has lived so far, is just... is truly sad, is no wonder that he connected with Garak the way he did, after all, they are not that different as people and they are (unknowingly for Garak) pretty much in the same position, they are, the both of them, outcasts... but that is for another post. To end this one and the central point of it... Julian Bashir's parents are shitty parents and I hate them.

#things I've been thinking on for a while now #Julian Bashir #star trek

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randomnessunicorn-imagine · 5 years

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🌠 STAR TREK DEEP SPACE 9: FANFICTION 🌠

Since people have stopped sending me asks, I think I have to do it by myself and just invent something alone, so I just wrote a fanfiction.

Recently, I’ve found my lost inspiration and had some idea, so I've decided to write a long fanfiction. I hope it could be interesting and that you'll find it amusing.

Then I love Odo and Quark, they are among my favourite characters and I love writing about them. I had to do it!

This is only the first part and I don't know how many chapters this long-fict will have. I only wish that I'll be able to write everything and don’t lose my effort, because I'm still very lazy. I know myself very well---

I hope someone will read it, but I thought this idea would be funny to write so I’m trying to do it. I’ve tried to make this fanfiction like an episode of Star Trek.

Support me with likes and reblogs, please! Especially if you want to read more about it.

📜 DS9 FANFICTION: ODO X FEM! READER X QUARK 📜

✨ FIRST CHAPTER: Swapped out ~

The stars shone outside the window of your quarters as if they were eyes of fire that illuminated your life, they were so far away, beautiful and you had always loved observing the stars since you were a little girl, when you didn’t know a thing about this mysterious world. You still did not know much and you loved to be surprised by the strange and unexpected plot twists of life.

When you were a child, you liked admiring the sky; you often lied on the grass with your father and scrutinized the space above you. It was a masterpiece, you thought the stars were magical and if every person was made of stardust, it meant that you could be made of stardust, too. You could be as magical as a star.

They told you that the stars were able to realize wishes, so every time you saw a shooting star crossing the night sky, you made a wish and hoped it could become true. No wish of those became true but it was still amusing and you enjoyed the moments you spent with your father anyway.

However, this was only an infantile dream. Then you learnt the truth, the stars were not magical and they didn’t even realize wishes like some terrestrial old stories told but they were still marvellous. Even if it was a lie, you didn’t feel sad, because you had been able to realize your dreams alone. You were an officer of the Starfleet, you were a capable engineer, and this was the greatest dream you could realize in your life.

This life was not bizarre enough and nobody could say what happened that night, if it was a magic of the stars or some spell of the prophets but that night you didn’t wake up as yourself.

You didn’t realize anything at first, but when you woke up, you felt weird, different and out of place. You heard sounds you had never heard before and you perceived the world around you strangely. Maybe you were still dreaming, it was just a trick of your mind.

Actually, your head hurt, it pulsed as if a band was playing in your brain. Then you rose up, sitting on the edge of the bed, you got up and went to your bathroom. What you saw in the mirror freaked you out. Because the imagine reflected there did not belong to you. It was another person. It was Quark.

You started touching your face, analysing every detail you saw; your ears were big and sensitive, your teeth so sharp and yellow, your skin so dark and even your sense of hearing was super developed because you could hear your neighbour’s snoring and you felt shorter than usual. Well, you were shorter. You were not yourself anymore.

You were shocked, so you stood still there, paralyzed and confused. It was not possible. You even tried to pinch yourself, trying to wake up from this nightmare but nothing happened. This was not a dream, it was real, tangible.

It seemed, Quark and you had swapped your bodies, a mystery of how this occurred.

“Oh, no. No, no, no! What happened to me? Why this? Oh, my God!” you told to yourself as you went out of your bathroom, then you took a step back and you fell on a sofa. Then you noticed, these quarters were not yours, you had just realized it. This was Quark’s room, so your mind moved into his body, you supposed.

You were now Quark, your dear friend Quark, but your mind was the same, only your appearance had changed and you were aware of yourself. This was a half identity exchange and then you wondered if it happened to Quark too. Was he in your body now? Was he walking around the station looking like you? Maybe he was as scared as you were.

Weirdest things happened in this station and so you should have not been so scared, you were still a well trained Starfleet Officer and so you were able to deal with every situation without losing your mind. Therefore, you asked the computer where he was located.

"Computer, please, locate Quark." You asked to the computer with a severe tone of voice.

"Quark is in his quarters, which is here." and then you sighed because this was an idiotic question but you almost forgot that the computer saw you as the real Quark.

"Excuse me, computer, where is Lieutenant Y/N?" you asked and this time the computer seemed able to answer.

"Lieutenant Y/N is in her quarters.” said the computer with its inanimate voice.

Then you started running through the corridors, some officers looked at you badly, so you slowed down, marching fast until you reached your quarters.

Now how could you get in, the computer didn't recognize you as the owner of these accommodations so you could only knock and hope not to scare Quark.

The Ferengi man, who now looked like you, was still asleep but you insisted so much to the door’s button that he woke up instantly, falling off the bed and screaming like crazy.

Then you heard your voice whispering annoyed, "I'm coming, such a rude manners!" you were amazed how much your hearing was evolved because you were able to listen to his whispers that came from the other side of the room. It was so strange but interesting. You almost felt like a super hero with mysterious super powers but this was not the right time to think about this absurdity.

Quark, that you, opened the door; his eyes were irritated and tired but his expression changed as soon as he saw you, realizing that the person in front of him was himself. The scream he made caused you pain in the eardrums and then you had plugged your ears.

"Don't scream like that, it hurts." You said, as your ears started pulsing but then he stopped screaming. He was petrified and didn't know what to say.

"Who are you, an impostor?" He shouted, "Security, help me!" and then you took him by the shoulders, actually, you took yourself by the shoulders.

"I'm Y/N, I don't know what happened, it seems, our bodies are swapped somehow.” You tried to explain with calm but you could read the anxiety in his eyes, in your eyes.

"You are bloody mad” said Quark and then he looked at himself in the mirror and what he saw frightened him more because the image reflected in the mirror was not him. He wasn't even a Ferengi. It was the lieutenant Y/N, you. Then he screamed, and your sensitive ears started hurting again.

"Oh God, Quark, stop yelling, please." You screamed too, because the pain was unbearable.

"But you are Quark. Who am I?" he asked, touching his face as he still did stare at the imagine reflected in the mirror.

"No, you are Quark, I am Y/N" you said, it was too hard to explain.

"Absurd. How can you be me and me be you?" Quark thought it was a cruel joke or maybe a sort of punishment or a fraud. It was impossible. There was no logic in this!

" It was an accident... Maybe we should have a medical opinion about it." you suggested, since you were unable to give a proper explanation about it, maybe someone more competent than you could give you a diagnosis and even find a solution.

"Yes, let’s go to the doctor Bashir." You and Quark said in unison and only a genetically modified man like Julian could help you or the two of you would remain stuck in each other bodies for the rest of the eternity.

> OTHER CHAPTERS:

Odo x Fem! Reader x Quark, 2nd chapter: Identity Issues

Odo x Fem! Reader x Quark, 3rd chapter: Deal

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starfleetimagines · 5 years

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Dukat imagine - you get injured trying to defend him

Requested? Yes, by an anon Word count? 785 (damn look at me go, First writing of 2019 and it’s over 500 words) A/N: Again, I’m sorry this took me so long to actually write. I know you’ve been wanting me to write for Dukat for at least a month, so I hope this is worth the wait! Also this isn’t really set in a specific season or anything, so yeah. Enjoy xx

When hell broke loose on the promenade, your first instinct was to look for Dukat. You knew the chaos was because of him: he had been visiting the station for diplomatic reasons and the Bajoran occupants on board were none too thrilled. He had been wandering from shop to shop, acting as friendly as he could in between meetings. Some of the Bajorans had spotted him and finally had enough. They begun spitting comments to him at first, then it turned into shouting echoing off the walls, and finally a mob had formed around the Cardassian leader.

“Dukat!” you shouted, trying to pinpoint his location. Your voice was drowned out by the dozens of angry Bajorans, though. You spotted him in the middle of the crowd. He had his hands up as an act of peace, but the Bajorans didn’t see it that way. They screamed, raised fists, and some even had small phasers in their hands.

“Leave him alone!” you screamed, trying to make your way through the bodies.

Someone ran into you, causing you to fall forwards onto your hands and knees. You grunted, a slight pain running up your wrist. You were about to stand when someone’s knee collided with your forehead. You collapsed on the ground, mind growing fuzzy as the noise around you begun to fade.

You awoke to a bright light shining in your eyes. You groaned, head pounding.

“Ah, you’re awake,” Doctor Bashir said, approaching your bedside in sickbay. “How do you feel?”

“Headachy. Kind of woozy.” You tried to sit up, but he put a hand on your shoulder and held you down.

“Try to remain still. You have a mild concussion, a few bruised ribs, and a sprained wrist, but you should feel better in no time. You’ll just have to rest for a few days, all right?”

With a nod, you looked around. “What happened?”

“There was a bit of a mob situation on the promenade. There was about thirty people after Dukat, mostly all Bajorans. Some had weapons, but they weren’t fired. Odo and his team resolved the situation, though. You were lucky: you just got bumped around a little.”

“And Dukat?” you asked, trying to keep the worry out of your voice.

“Fine,” Bashir assured you. “His uniform was ripped, but he was not hurt.”

You let out a sigh.

Then, Dukat’s voice rang through sickbay. “Y/N?”

“In here,” you called back.

Dukat entered the room, a worried expression on his face. “Are you all right?” He looked to Bashir. “Will she be okay?”

“Yes, she will make a full recovery within a few days. The worst of it is her concussion, but she’ll heal well after a few days rest.” Bashir looked to you. “If you don’t need anything else, I’ll leave you two alone.”

“Thank you, Julian.”

He nodded and stepped out to his office.

Dukat sat next to you on the biobed. “How do you feel?”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

“A little disconcerted, but I’m all right. I would have come to see you sooner but Sisko insisted on seeing me and discussing the situation.”

“I understand, you don’t have to apologize.”

Dukat’s expression changed suddenly. “What were you thinking? Getting in the middle of an angry crowd like that? Do you have any idea how dangerous and stupid that was?”

You frowned and pushed yourself up onto your elbows, ignoring the pounding against your skull. “I was trying to find you. I wanted to help.”

“I didn’t need your help,” he said, not unkindly. “If you had been hurt more seriously because of me…”

Your brow furrowed. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I wanted to try and defend you. It was one against thirty.”

“Two against thirty isn’t much better,” he retorted.

“But at least you wouldn’t have been alone.”

Dukat stared at you for a few moments. His expression softened, but only slightly. “Never do that again, all right? Don’t put yourself in harm’s way for my sake.”

“Why not? Why don’t you want my help?”

“Because I love you,” he blurted. “I love you, and I can’t lose you, Y/N.”

Your mouth fell open ajar as you stared at the reptile-like man before you. Bajorans and other species often called the Cardassians cold-blooded, but after hearing Dukat’s words, you knew that wasn’t true.

“I love you too,” you said after a long stretch of silence.

A smile spread across Dukat’s face. “Can I… kiss you? Or should I wait until your concussion is healed?”

You smiled as you said, “I don’t know if I can wait a few days after this.”

Dukat responded by leaning down and pressing his lips onto yours.

#gul dukat #gul dukat imagine #dukat imagine #star trek ds9 #star trek deep space nine #star trek #star trek imagine #star trek deep space nine imagine #star trek deep space nine drabble

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salaciouscrumpet · 6 years

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I’ve been bingeing Star Trek: Deep Space Nine on Netflix lately. I watched it 20+ years ago (dear god) when I was a geeky little 15-year-old with a massive crush on Dr. Bashir (Alexander Siddig has only gotten hotter with age; my crush remains unabated, although now I’m old enough to find Bashir a little bit annoying, especially in the first few seasons). I’m one of those people who doesn’t feel the need to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek; I get a lot out of both and think they both bring a lot to the table with regards to entertainment value, social commentary and escapism.

As I apparently ramble a lot about this, more below the cut. Oh, and spoilers for a 25-year-old show, I guess.

Two things, though.

One, which holds standard to pretty much any drama I’ve binged: Watching a bunch of episodes back-to-back makes you realize just how much friggin’ trauma the characters go through. Like, just using my space-BF Bashir as an example, the man is constantly threatened with torture or death, is frequently assaulted (often as a result of one of Quark’s plans falling through), is forced to kill people he knows (or at least Mirror Universe versions of people he knows), is made to perform dangerous/invasive/unethical procedures (on people he cares about, no less, but given his professionalism and high moral standards that’s only slightly relevant), is kidnapped or held captive on multiple occasions (including spending, like, a month in an internment camp where he spends time in solitary -- and don’t even get me fucking started on how his friends respond to him when he returns and they realize they’d been interacting with his Changeling doppelganger the whole time he was missing!), and then has his worst secret revealed, which threatens his military career, his medical license and his personal autonomy. One or two of these things, alone, would be traumatic enough, but throughout the seven seasons of the show he undergoes enough horrific misadventures that he should, by all rights, have gone completely insane. (And people say I’m mean to my characters. I mean, I am, but still, now I know where I get it from!) This is just one character.

Two, taken from my currently viewing the Mirror Universe episode of “Through the Looking Glass”: we get to meet Mirror!Bashir, who is one of the leaders (or hotheads, it’s hard to tell at this point) of the Terran Rebellion. But ... um ... why? How? If, in this universe, humans are slaves and have been for ... kind of a while ... (like, since shortly after Kirk visited in the universe in the original series), how would Bashir’s parents have had the wherewithal to have their son genetically enhanced? Shouldn’t he be -- by Julian’s own account in “Doctor Bashir, I Presume?” -- severely developmentally, physically and intellectually delayed, with the approximate development of a 6-year-old? (And therefore most likely dead, since this universe doesn’t exactly seem like a supportive environment.) Or was Mirror!Bashir born without these disadvantages? Or did his parents somehow, magically, have the means to have their son enhanced? I know that the decision to have Bashir genetically enhanced (yes, like Khan) was a last-minute one (literally: Siddig got the script, with the big reveal, about two days before they were about to film; he had known nothing about this character “development” the entire time [this was a fifth-season episode, by the way!] he’d been playing Dr. Bashir), but man, does this ever highlight that.

Okay, another thing: the first-season episode “The Forsaken” was cringe-worthy. Watching Commander Benjamin Sisko -- an amazingly well-written, compassionate and brilliant man -- write off Constable Odo’s concerns regarding Ambassador Lwaxana Troi’s sexual harassment as a joke was horrifying. “Haha, Odo, maybe you should just let yourself be caught, you might like it. Don’t cause any troubles, Odo, she’s an ambassador, we don’t want to have to deal with it. So sorry her rampant sexual interest in you makes you uncomfortable, Odo, but I can’t and won’t help you.” The fact that Troi and Odo do eventually get along quite well (and that she proves to be a supportive friend) doesn’t make up for how awful it was to see Odo’s very obvious discomfort and unhappiness dismissed, and it was made worse (for me) because it was Sisko, a character I deeply respect, who did the dismissing.

I’m honestly tempted to do a thorough analysis of all the trauma Bashir experiences throughout the seven seasons. (I could do it for all the characters, but damn, that’s a lot of work.) And I know other shows, movies, novels, comics, etc. put their characters through an equal amount of hell and it’s just made obvious for me right now because I’m watching a bunch of episodes back-to-back, but damn.

And, uh, I didn’t really have a point to this except that I’m enjoying re-watching a series I loved as a teenager. The acting was phenomenal (not just Siddig and Brooks, who are fucking treasures, but everyone; there is no one on this show where I don’t have a moment of “Fuck, that was amazing” at least once or twice). The morality was complicated and complex. The heroes didn’t always win, the bad guys didn’t always lose, and sometimes people did the wrong thing for the right reasons and it still didn’t work out in the end. Fuck, I loved this show.

#crumpet rambles #star trek deep space nine #long

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cyrelia-j · 6 years

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[Fic] Inside a Dream V (Garak/Bashir)

Also sorta background Kelim sorta not (it'll make more sense once you read)

Past Parts are here:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Still AU but not really an AU set at the end of everything show/books. This is inspired by book stuff but definitely diverges from book canon. ANGST, Drama, Romance, falling in love [again maybe] and bittersweetness with much tragedy to be had, (No one's gonna die, promise :))

After Sarina’s death and Julian’s coma, Julian dreams. With the aid of a device provided by the other augments, Garak is able to bring that world to life. And then Jack shows up in the flesh, wanting “his” Julian back. Garak is forced to confront the truths he didn’t want to face and decide if he’s going to fight for him. But that isn't his only difficulty decision, and he's not the only one at stake.

Pairings: Mainly garashir but also incredibly tragic background/past/sorta not Garak/Parmak and past Jack/Julian (really jack pack/Julian). Garashir is the intended end game but depending on response may have room for Parmak

(We stand, we stand, we can't stand to fall down)

Here comes another

(We stand, we stand, we can't stand to fall down)

It pulls me under

Reality breaks. That’s the only way that Julian knows how to describe it. He thinks of becoming unstuck in time like Billy Pilgrim and wonders if that’s what it feels like. He doesn’t remember if Billy had cracked his head open either. Julian doesn’t know if that’s a normal side effect but for a moment the walls of his new apartment - well new to him rather, not so much new themselves - crack open and he can see out to the endless night sky as if he were up there in the thick of it and not down on Earth. It doesn’t last and he almost thinks that it was just an odd mote in his eye or an aberration that he only thought he saw. But then it happens again as he’s riding the elevator back down to the first floor. The walls turn gray like metal surrounding him, the lights dim and he hears the word turbolift echo perfectly supplied in his mind before the doors open and he’s once more in the lobby with the mildewy carpet and the candy dish that never seems to lose or gain those wrapped hard strawberry things.

He tells Doctor Parmak about these episodes and is relieved to hear that it’s normal. Doctor Parmak is still a lizard seated across from him with a notepad and a pair of large silver framed spectacles that seem to forever slip on his nose. He sits with a hunch and has long white hair that he wears loosely braided. He dresses strangely too, always wearing some earthy colored tunic, loose pants, and sandals looking rather like some ancient hippy lizard guru from the seventies. Julian still doesn’t ever remember there being lizard men like this but every week Doctor Parmak sits across from him gently asking questions and solicitously taking notes. Julian asked him once if he’d fought in the war or if he’d gone to Canada back then. There was a confused look to this the first time he asked, but the following week Doctor Parmak assured him that he’d gone to Canada and had never seen combat.

Garak had stopped coming to see him.

Or rather he hadn’t seen Garak in a week or two and he was growing concerned. Stupid Julian, what do you think you were doing? You probably offended him. It wasn’t enough to apologize, you should’ve promised him that you’d never do that again. He’s gone all this time why would he ever want... anything like that from you? Doctor Parmak had assured him that “Elim” - Julian didn’t understand the word but somehow he knew it related to Garak - would surely come back and likely had important emergency business to attend to or some fires to put out. Julian wondered if it might not be a sale or an illness but Julian was sure that he’d never see him again. He was sure that he’d be gone to the darkness and... and that was another thought that he didn’t understand. He wasn’t lost. He thought he was finding his way. He’d met a lot of lovely people at his work and he’d had some more pocket money to take the bus to a few more places, look around old monuments and... and dream.

His dreams came so much more vividly now. It scared him. He was certain that the reason Garak had gone was his unwanted advance. But in spite of his resolutions to swallow it back and forget about it the more he tries the more he dreams about him. it isn’t clear. It’s as if he’s never known his body intimately but spent a lifetime dreaming alive the feel of his rippling scales beneath his fingers. It’s like he’s spent night after night his enhanced (Enhanced? What does that mean?) senses making some fantastic imaginary map marrying a real scent to an illusory one, a touch of hands, a brush of lips. Sometimes Julian sees a yellow landscape, a desert world with a red dying sun and he sees Garak looking at him from a distance that he can never cross with Doctor Parmak standing there, both looking down at him. He doesn’t understand why he sees Doctor Parmak in these dreams. He asks in his session today if they may be symbolic of something and he watches Doctor Parmak hesitate.

“Doctor?” Julian asks softly. He’s sitting on the couch right leg pulled under him with his red converse and jeans that he’s come to wear more frequently. The shoes have an interesting feel to them that he likes. Today he’s wearing a hoodie that’s baggie and comfortable. It feels familiar somehow and he likes playing with the drawstrings.

“Hmm?” Doctor Parmak looks up from his notes and there’s a tilt to his head that’s achingly familiar. Doctor Parmak doesn’t sit quite as comfortably as Julian, a slight stoop that Julian can see is from a spine curvature, a slight bulge at the top vertebrae. It’s never appeared to pain him and it doesn’t now, but now as always, he shifts on the big leather chair like it’s his first time sitting in it. Julian scratches at his face, feeling the stubble. He should shave. It’s how he knows you best, comes the unbidden thought intruding on him again.

“I don’t understand what he sees in you,” Julian says out of the blue though that wasn’t at all what he meant to say. Just like the near kiss, it’s some unconscious action that he doesn’t seem to have any control over. “I’m sorry I don’t... I don’t know why I said that,” Julian rushes out, both feet on the floor. The question makes him anxious. “I was... I mean I wasn’t going to ask that I don’t-”

“Ask it,” Doctor Parmak says looking at him speculatively. “You should follow your thoughts. Mmm... it might be the sort of thing you need to seek your answers. The unconscious questions the... human subconscious is a fascinating thing and I would very much like to know what that question means, Julian Bashir.”

“I don’t know what the question means” is what Julian intends to say. That isn’t what he says. “You have every flaw that I have,” is what comes out instead and he... doesn’t understand what’s happening.

Doctor Parmak stops writing when he says that and looks at him with an expression that he can’t read. It’s not... it doesn’t seem to be a pleasant expression. Julian swallows and he ducks his head.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, these things aren’t... it’s like they’re coming from somewhere else and I don’t know what’s going on. Please forgive me. You know the problems with my head...”

“I’m aware of the situation,” Doctor Parmak replies in a level voice. He sets the notepad aside.

“Would it... be better to stop here?” Julian asks starting to rub at the back of his neck.

“I think that it would be best to follow these... thoughts to their natural conclusion.”

“But I don’t... do you... do you and Garak know each other? I... I don’t understand...”

“Continue please. We were ah... speaking of my flaws, I believe you said...” Julian doesn’t immediately answer. He’d like to collect his thoughts but these aren’t even thoughts. They’re words passing his lips from something... outside and he doesn’t have any control over them. Julian opens his mouth and closes it again. He doesn’t know what Doctor Parmak wants from him. “I...”

Julian falters but almost jumps when he feels his mouth moving again.

“You’re everything he said was wrong with me. You’re everything he said he could never be with.”

“Elim Garak?” Doctor Parmak asks softly, head ducked, pushing his glasses back up as he studies the floor. “Elim... said that to you?”

“You’re weak like I am...”

“I’m sorry, Julian. I’m nothing like you.”

“You’re soft like I am...”

“I’m sorry, perhaps you hadn’t heard me when I said-”

“You don’t have enough blood on your hands.”

“You don’t know anything about me, Doctor Bashir.”

“You don’t walk in that darkness either... But you can be with him and I can’t...”

Julian stops shortly when he sees Doctor Parmak standing with a loud ugly laugh.

“I can’t...” Doctor Parmak laughs again, his shoulders shaking. “I’m sorry it’s just... Ah... I can picture the things you recall Elim saying and I can picture that face same as it is now and it’s... ah... Guls why are you such a child?” He asks his voice switching not from a laugh but to nearly a sob. “A child... a child who understand nothing if you think for a moment that Elim and I are... it’s... it’s just so... juvenile... so... the lurid... stupid... stupid things you must surely be imagining and I... ah hah... ah, Elim the messes you leave for me to clean up for you...”

“Doctor?”

“This petty child’s dream world...” he hears Doctor Parmak say with a tight voice. Doctor Parmak smiles at him wide, that expression stretched like it might shatter any moment. “Mmm... that’s alright though... You don’t understand of course and it’s... you’ll forgive me if I tell you that it’s a personal matter and Elim is certainly capable of handling his own affairs... So ah... how about I just... illustrate the difference between us with a question, rather....”

Julian watches Doctor Parmak and somehow hears him whisper under his breath “My dear friend Doctor Bashir, is that right?”. He’s sure he isn’t meant to hear that as Doctor Parmak picks at his face, pushes at his glasses, staring hard at the floor beneath the couch.

“You find Elim’s eyes beautiful, don’t you? Ah, I’m sure you could look in them forever. Get lost in them see...s-see a sea of blue,” a soft laugh there, “You dream of those eyes and it’s... it’s a comfort to you isn’t it, Doctor Bashir?” Julian nods slowly at the question before realizing that Doctor Parmak isn’t looking at him. He doesn’t understand why he feels so young again where he was so tired before. There’s something there, some lost compassion, some determination that wants to know just what the hell is going on outside- Outside? Outside of what? The doctor’s office? Who are you Kelas Parmak and what are you to Garak? Why are you so upset? What have I done to you?

“Of course it is,” Doctor Parmak says walking to the center of the room with that speculative tilt of his head returning, his arms out at his sides. “So then in fairness I’ll just say that when I dream of Elim’s eyes... when I dream of his touch...” He holds his arms at the elbows as if there’s a sudden chill in the air, as if just that memory that he describes is too much for him to handle. “...I wake up screaming. I can’t stop screaming… actually… shaking… vomiting… So you understand when I say that you are mistaken, that you are a fool, and you and I are nothing alike. Good day, Doctor Bashir. I’m afraid I’ll need to recommend that you see someone else but... I promise you that Elim will be back. Computer terminate session.”

And Julian watches as he blinks out of existence.

—

It’s Doctor Parmak who leaves Julian’s room that night to see Garak in the dark hall. Garak knows it’s Parmak tonight because the moment he sees him he averts his eyes. Sometimes, he’s Kelas. Others he’s Parmak; in front of others he’s always Parmak. He was Parmak earlier today as well, but that can change sometimes if Garak is especially fragile in mind. Still, it’s easier for him to go from Kelas to Parmak than the other way around. Usually it will be a sudden memory, a touch, a look, and that fear is in his eyes. it’s easy to tell because he flinches when Garak touches him and can’t look him in the eyes. Like now, he steps around him uneasily. Garak doesn’t dare come any closer.

“You’re going back in there, Elim. You’re going in there and you’re going to bring him back and whatever there is that needs to be worked out between the two of you it’s getting worked out. I’m sorry but I can’t be your intermediary any longer. What was it you said the last time? That you can’t do this anymore. I suppose that makes two of us then.”

“What did he say to you?” Garak asks carefully.

“Nothing that I hadn’t already suspected. Nothing that you’re not already well aware of. Mmm, circumspection is your preference and I should hate to create any unpleasantries with something as vulgar as open dialogue. Please don’t use my first name. I’m not... right tonight.”

“It isn’t necessary to phrase it so cruelly to yourself.”

“The truth is cruel, Elim. That’s why it terrifies you.”

“You know that I would comfort you if I was able to.”

Parmak walks past him slowly a foot and then stops with a hand on the wall leaning against it as if the wood can offer more support than Garak can. It can, which only makes Parmak’s words ring more true. The walls pain him less than Garak does in moments like these.

“I know, Elim. That’s why the truth is a cruel thing.” Garak watches him helplessly. Parmak has been his strength since returning. Parmak has been his light. Parmak has been his only comfort in the dark and bitter world. Parmak had said to him once that the ability to offer comfort, to calm, to heal was a far greater treasure than he would ever know but he didn’t imagine it was a sentiment that Garak would ever miss. He was wrong. Not being able to touch Parmak in moments like this is nearly as great as the torture Tain had inflicted on him to cause such a reaction in the first place.

Garak doesn’t ask him if there’s anything he can do. There’s nothing; literally nothing. The associations they had inserted into his mind, the pain, the agony at Garak’s touch, at his eyes, at his voice in those days prior to his interrogation… Garak should consider it a miracle that Parmak can speak to him at all. He imagines Tain laughing at him buried or better jettisoned into space, into that vacuum, into the nearest star.

“We haven’t found Jack yet,” Garak says softly, “I should set extra security at your quarters at the very least.”

“That won’t be necessary. When you bring Julian back he’ll be here.”

“To kill me,” Garak points out though his life is under constant threat as it stands so he supposes he can pencil Jack in between the woman who keeps writing him about the noise ordinances and the “overly loud Federation monitoring devices” that he needs to remove or face dire consequences and some old victim of his with a grudge so unremarkable that Garak refuses to allow his memory to hold the man’s name.

“We both know you won’t allow that.” It was unspoken but they both knew that Parmak wouldn’t allow it either. Parmak had always been the unnaturally loyal one.

Garak knows that it’s best to leave the silence. He knows that in the morning things will be less tense, less charged. He knows that it’s better for both of them to sleep. He also knows that Parmak has only stopped because walking is a pain and whatever happened in that room he’s barely holding it together. The greatest kindness that Garak could give him would be to absent himself so that Parmak could walk back to his room with the dignity of not falling apart in front of Garak. Kelas Parmak is a treasure that he doesn’t deserve. He doesn’t deserve what Garak says next either.

“The two of you are so very much alike, you know” he says stupidly out loud, perhaps age or sentiment making him slip so poorly.

“Bury me,” Parmak hisses with a turn so fast that Garak imagines that thick white braid smacking him in the face. Perhaps he’s tired, perhaps he merely finds the sight of Parmak angry to be unbearably hauntingly familiar. Regardless...

“He has that same fire, you know. That same defiant spirit.”

“If he had once, I assure you, Elim, you broke him of it the same as Tain had done to me. Congratulations, son of Tain, he would be quite pleased with you. He might even take you for another ride in the country were he still alive to bear witness to such a glorious triumph. Might I suggest a drink before bed to toast the God you held above everything else? Perhaps he might bless you with all that you deserve even from beyond. Ah... right, that was a touch unkind of me. Well, we’ve already established truth is unkind. I should call you Saint Elim then. For you are the kindest and most benevolent and like those canonized humans they deem saints also stupidly devoted to pigheaded ignorance and destroying anything that questions the unchallenged authority of their mad masters.”

Kelas is beautiful. Kelas, because in moments like this when his pale, blue violet eyes flash with that fury, when he looks at him refusing to forgive, refusing to hold back his anger it’s a truly stunning intimacy. Garak almost reaches out to him but such a thing would impossible tonight. Kelas - and for a moment it is Kelas - looks in his eyes almost daring him, that slight tremor as he does affirming that no, tonight would not be a good night for such things. Not that it ever is... ever will be. Garak does as Parmak suggests and says a prayer to Tain. He prays for him to return to the living for just long enough so that Garak can kill him. Parmak turns away from him again, that moment gone.

“Hold out your hand please. I’m sorry, I think it would make my skin crawl if I had to touch you so for all the things I’ve forgiven you in a lifetime Elim, I hope you’ll forgive me that.”Kelas says reaching into his pocket. Garak has to swallow at that because there isn’t enough penance in the universe that should ever allow Parmak to forgive him for what he allowed Tain to do to them.

“I’ll never forgive those unfortunate sandals you insist on wearing though,” Garak says, falling back to that practiced levity. He holds out his hand and Parmak drops the mobile holo emitter into it crisply.

“Jack had told me when we last spoke that Section 31 had let the system infect all of their brains, their neural networks with a series of nanomachines. They weren’t just meant to lay dormant and activate the killswitch. That complex network in all of their brains is the reason that we’re able to use the holoprojector that they’d given us to see Julian’s dreamworld and manifest it. That wasn’t the original intention of course.” Parmak stops, knowing that Garak will know exactly what the true implications are. Section 31 didn’t want such things for entertainment. They wanted them for compliance. If they could pull any one of the augments from their bodies into existence, they could torture them for hours, for days, for years should they chose without damaging the body or the brain. The mind was another matter, but they could do anything they wanted with that sort of access. He recalls Jack speaking of the connection between the five augments and he can see those implications as well. Garak looks at it carefully. He doesn’t imagine that Jack would have given it freely.

“I stole it from him,” Parmak answers the unspoken question, an equally unspoken but no less understood “for you” hanging at the end of that sentence. “Do with it what you will. I’m not going back in there. That is perhaps... the one thing that I will not do for you... You understand... I trust...”

“If there is any trust you still hold in me, my dear.”

“I don’t trust that I’m particularly dear to you in that fashion when such things are impossible but... Goodnight Elim. Maybe I’ll say a prayer to the slug slithering amongst the ancients that tomorrow I’ll wake up and be your Kelas again...”

“Before you replace me...” echoes in Garak’s head as if Parmak had spoken it out loud.

Garak stares at his retreating back the holo emitter in his hand squeezed as tightly as his eyes as turns the opposite way.

(We stand, we stand, we can't stand to fall down)

Here comes another

(We stand, we stand, we can't stand to fall down)

Don't pull me under

-Butterfly Boucher “It Pulls me Under”

(Part 6 is now HERE)

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