#I just hate to see innocent people with a history of attacks once again going through such a hateful time with many not lending any support | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thebrightestwitchofherage · 6 months

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December 19th, 73 days since October 7th

TLDR- I am sick of seeing Hamas propaganda here. People here are posting literal blood libels and mistranslated quotes.

After taking a break from social media for the rest of Chanuka, your favorite Zionist is back. Don't worry though, once again, people who never had any interest in this tiny piece of land, continue to tell me, a Jewish Israeli, that I have got my history and facts wrong, while they know better than I do. To that, I have 2 answers: 1. I am just a student who wants to live in peace. I am not a "zionist demon" or a "genocidal killer".

When I call myself a Zionist, all it means is that I'm a Jewish woman who would like to live peacefully in her homeland. I don't inherently support war or death from any side because I am a Zionist. 2. I actually live here, born and raised, and so were my grandparents. How delusional and condescending can you be to suggest that you, a Western person who only found out about this conflict a while ago on Tiktok, know better than an Israeli??? More on double standards Sometimes I wonder why most of you didn’t have such a strong reaction to any other war & civil war going on right now: in Ukraine/ Yemen/Congo and Syria**, etc. Considering the amount of antisemitic hate anons I've received I have a feeling why...

**Which directly affected the lives of most Palestinians.

As I've said in previous posts- It’s easy to throw around big words you don’t understand. There is no apartheid as all Israeli citizens have the same rights. - Gaza is not occupied by Israel- it’s been returned multiple times in history ( just to name a few: 1956,1987,2006...).

*Even when it was under Israel’s control, all it meant was that there were approximately 10 Jewish settlements in Gaza*. The Israeli military presence was to protect those people& prevent terror attacks.

Blood Libels

In addition to the lies and the poor mistranslations from Hebrew, I have also received \ seen an alarming amount of Nazi Propaganda. -you say that you’re anti-Zionist and not anti-Semitic, yet you use antisemitic rhetoric…

Comparisons between Israelis and Nazis -Comparing Israelis to Nazis is wrong on so many levels.

In case you aren't aware, the holocaust was a premeditated and carefully planned genocide, that lasted 6 years. 6 MILLION Jews were killed and all of their possessions were stolen. It followed hundreds of years of persecution, violence, and discriminatory laws. They were also starved and enslaved in different sorts of manual labor, in addition to being experimented on. They were held in Ghettos and concentration camps. In the aftermath of the war, Jews were completely driven out of their land and face prosecution across the world to this day. The existence of Israel allows Jews to live free of that. The Israel-Hamas war following October 7th is a war against a terrorist organization that invaded Israel and massacred its civilians. Unfortunately, due to Hamas' tactics, there are a lot of Palestinian civilian casualties. While they are wrong- the treatment of Palestinians and the bombing of Gaza are nothing like what the Nazis did.

Debunking some misconceptions I've seen on Viral posts here: -No, we Jews do not control the media and global banks. At least invent something new, this is giving Medivel blood libels used by the church lol. -We do not go around killing innocent Palestinian babies for fun. We have laws and a moral compass (Shocking I know). We do not go and kidnap people or rape women for fun either. Do you know who does that? Hamas, the terrorist organization. -We're not all white, this conflict does not revolve around race: There are many Jewish Israelis from the same countries that Palestinians originated from (i.e: Egyptian & Jordanian Jews ). -Israelis perceive Palestinians as lesser human'- This claim is usually supported by mistranslation of Hewbew and out-of-context Interviews. The phrase חיות אדם (Chayot Adam, savages, acting like animals) was obviously often used to describe Hamas terrorists who took part in the October 7th masssacre. We do not call or treat Palestinians as "animals" or savages. All of the referenced instances were about those Hamas terrorists.

-There isn't a 'Gaza Ministry of Health', it's all Hamas. The number of Palestinian casualties and other claims they make are not to be trusted. Most of the casualties are terrorists.

So what is my point?

It is important to note that am not ignoring any of the Palestinian deaths. I’m not saying they should die either. Please stop assuming I do!!

All I’m saying is that Israeli victims matter as well. For some reason, some people cannot comprehend that Israeli civilians do not deserve to die just because of where they live.

You wouldn’t call for the death of all Americans/ Europeans/ South Africans etc… while they committed actual genocide & apartheid.

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thatdebaterguy · 3 months

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Usually I would go anon but I am at the point where I don't care what people think anymore. I would rather be honest and have these people off my blog than keep doing it in secret.

Anyways, I was scrolling through a post (because I hate myself). Tumblr wouldn't let me put the link for some reason:

This isn't the whole post, but 2/3 of it. It's about how Israel was "tricking" children into picking up bombs that looked like food cans. Someone corrected this in the comment section.

And in response to the correction (there was more than one person correcting):

This is a massive issue I've seen with that side of the conflict. They don't care if the information they spread is true as long as it fits the narrative of "Palestine = weak, helpless, 100% good and pure victim. Israel: evil, colonists, eats Palestine babies for breakfast." And it's almost scary the lack of critical thinking to make sure everything fits into this mindset.

I once corrected someone's mistranslation on Pinterest of all places, where someone said a Hebrew translation was ""May this (bomb) lands on innocent people". It was just the company name. I was attacked and told I was a "genocidal zionist" and there was my favorite, "well it doesn't matter if it's true or not, it's what they mean".

So basically, "yeah it doesn't matter if it's fake information, it fits with MY beliefs, so it's okay."

I hate the Pro-Palestinian cult.

It is genuinely depressing to see blatant misinformation spread, for example I've been given the link to a site that takes supposed quotes from Israeli officials completely out of context, half the time a complete lie, and told it's some kind of proof Israel is the epitome of moral sin, despite being the most equal state in the middle east. I saw this post and saw another one debunking how the imagine has been altered in a misleading way, just as I saw a post of a server room that's linked to a Hamas database under an UNRWA facility, and someone said it powered a solar panel. Keep in mind they didn't lie for the Palestinian civilians, that was to straight up cover for Hamas.

The screenshot of someone calling Hamas 'freedom fighters' is actually scary.

this is the first thing you see when you search for the ideology of Hamas. Yk the worst part? This would be called zionist propaganda just because it says Hamas have committed terrorism, and October 7th happened. These are literal facts though, Hamas are proud of October 7th, proud of killing thousands, kidnapping hundreds, committing acts of terrorism. If you have any sense of morality, you cannot defend Hamas, even if you see them as on the right side or as freedom fighters, their methods alone make them a monstrous organisation. They wear plain civilian clothes in war, a war crime, they have been verified to use civilian buildings for cover, a war crime, they've killed thousands of innocents purposefully, a war crime, they've openly called for the annexation and occupation of Israel, a sovereign country with millions of ethnic Jews who would be 3rd class citizens in a Hamas ruled Palestine.

Israel doesn't want Gaza. They don't want to destroy it, to own it, they wish they never had to hear about it again, let alone invade it to remove Hamas from power. And the fact that people are scared to voice their beliefs against a literal terror group, against misinformation, is insane. You know, the only reason I'm on Israel's side is because when it comes to debates I follow the science, the figures, the statistics, a fixed code of morality and logic, and that leads to me to Israel because they've never instigated a conflict in their entire history, they've voluntarily surrendered land in pursuit of peace, aided the countries that have invaded them, they're by the definition not committing genocide, they're legally and factually in a war of self defence to topple an extremist dictatorial government, the figures show as far as modern urban warfare goes, the civilian-military death ratio is lower than most conflicts, they factually have a historical claim to the land, they built Tel Aviv, built Jerusalem, 400,000 Jews lived the region of Israel before its existence as a modern state, it just all points to Israel.

But I support the people of Palestine, I empathise with them, I want them to be free of the dictators who lead them to this war and suffering they must endure, and I pray they'll get the liberation they deserve. They deserve better than the nightmare of a government that rule over Gaza. And yet none of the Palestinian supporters protest Hamas. They don't realise, protesting against Hamas doesn't weaken the right for civilians to receive aid, because they're forced into this mindset that the Palestinian government and movement has always been one of perfect ineffable morality and one that you must be insanely villainous to even have any contradicting thoughts on. I'm a more conservative guy who's best friend of 4 years recently told me that they're genderfluid, in a polyamorous relationship with a trans man, and have a 'fursona' but since I know they're a person with good intentions in life I support them in finding happiness and getting better. I'd say that makes me fairly open minded, without tooting my own horn too much. But I will never be open to the idea that Hamas have ever wanted what's best for Palestine. Their actions are selfish, their goals are psychopathic, their behaviour is unwarranted, and their care for being a successful governing body is minimal. Gaza, whether prospering before October 7th or not, was legally an independent, sovereign region of the nation of Palestine, who have their own government, constitution, voting system, currencies they operate with, culture, freedom of movement, unless it's to Israel of course, and have been so since Israel pulled out of Gaza.

Israel actually occupied Gaza once. It was better maintained, the people were more looked after. In the years before Israel pulled out of Gaza, the Palestinian economy grew by the largest margin in at least 20 years, and then under Hamas, became incredibly stagnant, with foreign aid being the only thing propping it up. They let unemployment skyrocket despite the opening of more high tech facilities, once again thanks to foreign aid. Now, Israel doesn't want Gaza back, nor should they have it, but when the people of the nationality that Hamas wish to destroy, governed their land even better despite not even being the sovereign owners of that land and just the occupiers, it says a lot. Don't be afraid to speak out against Hamas, since you have no love for the Palestinian people if you don't want them to be free from the suffering Hamas has brought.

#israel #politics #palestine #gaza #current events #hamas

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sperm-in-mcdonalds-sprite · 6 months

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I empathize with Palestinians, not the so called "freedom fighters" gang raping and killing people. The innocents we see.

But i am so fucking tired of this, a cake page i followed that was run by an Arab woman keeps saying I'm so tired i cant do this. But she just keeps sharing so much outstandingly tone deaf posts.

Last week it was "you expect me to condone Hamas when not even the 'hostages' do"

This week she said that she cannot empathize with "the other side" because there is none, because the Israelis are enjoying the Renaissance movie (and of course she had to point out it was haram, a statement that doesn't matter to the Israeli people)

How could they enjoy themselves, how could they have a break from the terror and the fact the whole world is telling them they don't belong in their homeland. That they are colonizers to their home. How could they enjoy anything, since after all they are jews.

She kept saying how there is no proof of the attacks on October 7th, while also saying she blocks anyone with the smallest varying viewpoint. I cant disagree with the logic there, at least i see the carnage on both side though i plan on blocking anyone telling me to kill myself in the tags.

I keep seeing people say that its a slow genocide, completely ignoring the fact that none of this checks off any boxes on the genocide code. (Almost as if it isn't a genocide its just a war) I'm not going to praise the idf, but I'm sure as hell not going to act like they are perfect. All military forces are varying ranges of fucked up with people who use it as an excuse to harm anyone.

But don't act like it isn't the same on the other side, Hamas has been the ones harming every fucking person in their own state. They were voted in when they are just as bad as every fucking other terrorist group, they paraded the streets with the bodies of their opposition just like the paraded the streets with the women they murdered in Israel.

Just like they did with the hostages that people are bragging about looking so happy. You all say it like they weren't held captive while their family was waiting for them to cone home safe, like they don't look thinner and the bags under their eyes are deeper then ever. Like the little children didn't witness their families killed and the young girls only stopped talking after being held captive because who knows what the sick fucks did to them in their cells.

I find it so interesting how everyone is using their voice to call jews fucking colonizers. To call them white even, given so many were killed simply because they werent white enough. Sorry to the millions slaughtered in the camps, turns out you were really white all along.

I saw someone say "Bethlehem, Palestine" and nothing has made my blood boil more. Could you imagine the uproar if this was in Mecca, if the romans instead pushed them out of their homeland and when they finally returned the new settlers acted like their sacred ground wasnt theirs any longer.

But of course, when its the jews it doesnt matter.

They dont seem to acknowledge that if anything, the arabs are the colonizers and were for so much of history. Or that the whole state of Palestine was created because the Romans hated the jews so they pushed them out of their land and named it after their enemies (Philistines) and when europe named the land again it was after the short lived country. Once again stealing it from the ones who should have had it, but once they reclaimed their home they were the evil cruel people.

do you think the lost jewish souls greet their families in heaven, and their ancestors excitingly ask if they have their home back. If they are finally safe. If they can finally be somewhere without being killed.

One day people will realize too late, that once the jews are lost they cant come back. That the blood waged against the people who were just like us stained their hands.

I am not Christian or Jewish or anything, but i pray in whatever afterlife there is the Palestinian and Israeli souls that were lost are blowing bubbles in a land without pain, that the sun shines on them every morning. And they are greeted with hugs from the people around them

#pro israel #israel #i stand with israel #free palestine from hamas #free israel

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qqueenofhades · 2 years

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Genuine question: Why do people think the Civil War was about state's rights and not slavery? Like have people just not read the Cornerstone speech? Alexander Stephens really said "our new government['s] foundations are laid, its cornerstone rests, upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery—subordination to the superior race—is his natural and normal condition." So are we just going to ignore the Vice President of the confederacy or...

Because they're racist, but they're dimly aware that outright saying that you're racist is usually regarded as a bad thing, plus they don't really think they are either racist or wrong to be racist if indeed they are (you can't prove it!), and have twisted themselves into rhetorical knots to come up with a more palatable-sounding reason. They ignore not just the actual texts and speeches and well-attested statements of the Confederate government and sympathizers themselves, but eagerly accept the subsequent 150 years of "Lost Cause" mythologizing that endlessly mourned the supposedly vicious "Yankee" destruction of the "gentle and gentlemanly" or "chivalric" white Southern way of life.

Nor have they ever gotten over it, moved on, accepted national or civic responsibility like the Germans with the Nazis post-WWII, or tried to develop a political strategy that doesn't involve punishing black people for not letting them just subjugate and murder them like the good old days. See the screaming over statues of Confederate generals getting torn down: it's attacking our history!!! Okay, but a) when have you ever cared about that, and b) I'm pretty sure that the "history" you guys actually mean is your glorious alternate-reality white-supremacist fantasy where the innocent South never did anything wrong and was just standing up for States' Rights (to practice slavery). Like freedom! Which is American as apple pie! WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICAN FREEDOM, JOYLESS COMMUNIST BASTARD?!?!

Anyway. Yet again, my salty ragesnark is getting away from me, and I should once more limit my use of the blue hellsite for the evening, but I've spent this so-called Independence Day in a nonstop fog of anger. When you have mass shootings at Fourth of July parades (please, Ted Cruz, tell me how the problem was that there weren't enough doors on an open-air street) since THAT is the new American norm, Proud Boys and Patriot Front marching in major cities, a theocratic fascist SCOTUS ruling that women aren't people, and all the other fucking bullshit happening in this country because white racists have been allowed to get away with their toxic shit since its founding, it's really hard to feel like this day genuinely means anything to anyone anymore, or that it will do so again in the foreseeable future. Ugh.

#anonymous #ask #history #american history #politics for ts

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tess-eh · 3 months

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Blog Post #5

African American Studies 112A

Professor Due

02/29/2024

Blog Post #5

Last week we went over vampire black horror films and the themes within them, such as the works of “Blacula” and “Ganja and Hess”, and this week we looked at “Beloved” and read the story “The Devil in America”. For me it was interesting to watch to vampire films last week that were both black horror films but were so different in their approaches and meanings. “Blacula”, which had a lot of controversy over its homophobia, otherwise focused on black power and addressing black history. The protagonist, Blacula himself, is a black vampire whose character holds a lot of power. Especially for black men in the film industry, we don’t get to see a lot of black characters being the character that drives the film and holds the power that Blacula does- unfortunately, this is still addressing the stereotype that black characters are the ‘villains’ or the ‘bad guys’ since Blacula attacks and sucks the blood out of the people in the film. Nonetheless, we even see Blacula standing up to the police towards the end of the film, just before he commits suicide. I like this act of power that we see in Blacula up until his last moments, reclaiming his power which many black characters do not have the opportunity to, and choosing to end his life on his own terms, once again utilizing his power.

Both “Blacula” and “Ganja and Hess” represent blaxploitation in their films; meaning that the film industry exploited black actors for their color in order to scapegoat them as villains for their films. In “Ganja and Hess” while it is also about a black male vampire, in this one it is more about a love story between Hess falling for Ganja and how he manipulated the story for his own gains. After Hess became infected with the curse of becoming a vampire, he became addicted to blood, which is a theme in the film and chooses to bite and infect Ganja into becoming a vampire so that Hess could selfishly go through this journey with someone whom he romanticized. I personally dislike this act of character on Hess because although he unwillingly became a vampire, it does not mean that he has to spread that unfortunate reality to others. This can be compared to reality and society- just because you experience hate for being different doesn’t mean that you have to spread that hate to others. I can relate to this message in my own life. I, especially recently, have received a lot of hate and antisemitism just for being Jewish, but instead of using this hate that I have received to go on and spread more hate onto others, even the antisemitic ones, I choose to spread awareness and stay strong instead. I know that acting in hate towards others, innocent or not, will only make me seem worse to the haters, so I keep my strength and advocate for my religion proudly.

“Beloved” was a terrifying movie, to me the most gruesome one we have seen, and because of its triggering images it did not get the acknowledgments that it deserved. Being a black horror film rooted in the theme of slavery, making white people the enemies as they were historically in this sense, makes it seem as if the primary audience should be black people for this film. However, because of its very real and triggering nature, not really allowing the black characters in the film to have their victory moment, it was too triggering for black audiences to want to watch, making the show not as successful as it could have been. I liked the comparison of this film’s techniques to those of Jordan Peele in his films- when Peele makes a black horror film, he is somewhat historical underneath the film, but he gives the power to his black characters intentionally and makes the white characters the ‘bad guys’ or otherwise just bystanders. Personally, I like the way that Peele approaches his films better than Demee approached “Beloved”, however, “Beloved” is nonetheless a very well-made film that gave viewers like myself a very lasting impression.

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sirikenobi12 · 3 years

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War & the Jedi

This will be a long meta rant, FYI.

The Jedi Order, specifically the Prequel era Jedi Order, gets a lot of hate these days particularly regarding their involvement in the Clone Wars. Accusations are tossed at their feet constantly ranging from corruption all the way up to warmongering.

Let’s first look at the Oxford English Dictionary definition of these two accusations, shall we?

Corruption - having or showing a willingness to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain.

Warmonger - a person who encourages or advocates aggression towards other countries or groups.

The definitions of these two words are so very misunderstood when it comes to relation to the Jedi. If the Jedi are truly “corrupt” then where are the examples of their dishonesty for wealth or personal gain? In fact, I’d argue that canon (and Legends) makes a point to show us that it is the Sith who are in it for personal gain, not the Jedi. The Jedi have absolutely NOTHING to gain from this war on a personal level, in fact they are losing members in terrifying numbers.

The Jedi are also not advocating aggression towards the Separatists, in fact what we see instead is the Jedi DEFENDING against the Separatists. I have yet to see in either canon or legends an instance where the Republic forces invade a Separatist planet who doesn’t have an army or some military involvement (i.e. weapon factories). However, time after time we see the Separatists forcing peaceful planets who want nothing to do with them to either bow to their cause or die (i.e. Ryloth, Lurmen planet, Kiros, Mandalore) the Jedi and Republic Troops will then follow the Separatists to these planets, but they try to do what they can to liberate the planet from the Separaist invasion and then they give the planet the OPTION to join the Republic for safety and economic reasons, but they never force them, as is super evident with Mandalore.

Yet people don’t seem to see this and continue to drag the Jedi through the mud.

Here are the top 5 other “woke” takes I hear -

Jedi are peacekeepers and should not have gotten involved:

First things first, let’s look at the definition of Peacekeeper - a soldier, military force, etc., deployed to maintain or restore peace.

I’d argue by that definition the Jedi were still peacekeepers, it’s true that they weren’t a 3rd party as they normally were before the war, but their position was trying to maintain or restore peace. Peacekeeper is not the same thing as a Pacifist, the Jedi were skilled warriors (training from childhood to wield a lightsaber), the difference is Jedi used their skills for defense not attack which is what we constantly saw throughout the Clone Wars.

With regards to the idea that Jedi “should not have gotten involved” I ask you then what exactly were they supposed to do instead?

We see at the beginning of Attack of the Clones that the Jedi are worried things will escalate to war, they have obviously gone to the Chancellor hoping that a diplomatic solution can be presented to avoid bloodshed. Or if that isn’t possible then that the Republic have some way to defend themselves other than relying solely on the Jedi (i.e. an army). The Separatists are the ones pushing them to a breaking point, were the Jedi just supposed to stand back and let innocent people be invaded/killed because they didn’t want to get involved? The Jedi were “Guardians of Peace and Justice” which means it was their duty to help bring about peace in the galaxy while also enacting justice.

Then after Geonosis (where they lost approx. 187 members mind you) they learned that the Sith are leading the Separatist army - the Jedi are duty bound by their code to fight the Sith, they had no choice but to join the war.

So, I ask again...what were they supposed to do instead?

2. Jedi used a slave army for their own purposes:

Okay, I can (and probably will) write a whole argument based on just this accusation alone. There are so many fallacies I don’t even know where to begin but I’ll try.

I guess my first question is the same as #1, what were the Jedi supposed to do instead with regards to the Clones?

Technically speaking the Clones didn’t “belong” to the Jedi, they were “property” of the Republic (as stated by Lama Su in Attack of the Clones). In fact, the Jedi Council not only didn’t know about the order, they had vehemently denied Syfo Dias’ earlier request to raise an army in the first place. The Sith KNEW the Jedi would be against it, this was all part of their plan to trap the Jedi (as was EVERYTHING about the war) - they clouded the Force, they literally deleted Kamino from the Archives so the Jedi wouldn’t discover it until the Sith WANTED them to (i.e. Jango just happened to use a Kamino dart?? Come on people). Yoda even states “blind we are if creation of this clone army we could not see” he fully admits they missed it because the Dark Side was clouding their vision.

Regardless, the army was created, there was no changing that fact. Had the Jedi not taken command of the army do you think the Clones wouldn’t have had to go to war? Do you actually believe that the Republic who couldn’t get their citizens to give 2 craps about the war would’ve taken up the mantle and fought instead? Do you think if the Jedi were like “thanks, but we didn’t order this” that the Kamioans would’ve just let the Clones go free?

The answer you’re looking for is...no.

So, like absolutely everything about the Clone Wars the Jedi did the best they could with the cards they had been dealt. They chose to lead the army on the front lines, putting themselves in just as much mortal danger as the men they were leading. They even sent a member of the Jedi Council to oversee the creation of future clones/training to ensure they were being treated humanely (something the Kamioans thought was ridiculous). They were the first to tell the clones that they were individuals, they constantly put themselves in front of their men to protect them (i.e. season 7 Obi-Wan deflecting the rocket from blowing up his men). The Jedi did what they could, just because we didn’t see on screen Jedi stopping to grieve every time a clone died did not mean that they didn’t care - real life Generals can’t stop in the middle of a battle to grieve over their fallen soldiers either, so why is it we consider it a moral crime if the Jedi don’t?

Another thing I’ll add is once the Jedi had evidence that the Clones were actually ordered by Dooku, did they immediately stop and say “oh hell no, these flesh droids can’t be trusted, we should just have them decommissioned”?? NO! They defended the Clones, stating that they were good men and should be trusted (and look where that trust got them in the end).

The Jedi were forced/coerced to fight this war as much as the Clones were!! Why are we willing to forgive the Clones, but not the Jedi???

3. Ki-Adi-Mundi killing Geonosians was the same as Anakin’s slaughter at the Tusken camp:

This is another moment where context is everything because there is a HUGE difference between Ki-Adi-Mundi on Geonosis and Anakin in the Tusken camp. The fact that I have to even spell it out makes me wonder how people can even dress themselves in the morning.

The Geonosians were an opposing military force, attacking Ki-Adi and his troops. Anakin slaughtered unarmed women and children out of vengeance.

Now, had Ki-Adi turned to his men and screamed “to the catacombs!” brandishing his lightsaber with a murderous glint in his eyes and proceeded to cut down the unarmed bugs below the battle then you’d have an accurate comparison on your hands and I’d be appalled right there with you.

But, as it stands this is not the same thing...not even close.

4. The Jedi sent children to war:

So, this is a tougher one and I can even understand the concerns behind it, and I even share some of those concerns. The thing I will say to this is, given what we see throughout Star Wars, what constitutes a “child” seems to be different than our own real world definition.

Padme, for example, was 14 when she was elected Queen, and she wasn’t even the youngest ever elected. She (and her handmaids) were trained as children to defend themselves and their people both politically and in battle (much like Jedi), but you don’t hear people condemning the people/traditions of Naboo the way we see the Jedi being condemned for theirs.

Jedi children arguably mature faster than your standard person, and with regards to Star Wars there are also species’ age ranges to keep in mind. Grogu for example is still a baby at age 50, could it be possible that Ahsoka at age 14 is on the same maturity level as a human in their early twenties due to her Togruta DNA?? We don’t know, it’s never stated other than Anakin saying something about because of her advanced skills he forgets how young she is.

Obviously Boba Fett is treated like an adult by other Bounty Hunters - no one even questions when he picks up a job and is placed in charge of a group at age 12 or 13 (and he is placed in an adult prison without anyone questioning it). It could be that by law according to Star Wars that 13 is actually considered an adult. Throughout history (and in many different cultures) 13 was when people were considered to be “coming of age”, So, once again we’re placing our cultural biases onto a fictional space fantasy world without realizing it might not even be an issue in that world.

But even beyond all of that I ask you again - what else should the Jedi have done?

Their young Padawans would eventually have to grow into Jedi Knights, even before the war by the time they are teenagers they usually followed their Masters on missions (often very dangerous missions) in order to get real world experience. At the time of the Clone Wars the real world they were living in was one at war. If they hadn’t brought their Padawans onto the battlefield how else would they have learned how to strategize, or how to cope with the emotions of battle? They would’ve been ill prepared if the war had continued on for years and years as it had looked like it was going to do...once again, the Jedi had no real choice in this.

5. The Jedi lost their way because of the war:

Did they though?? I’d argue they actually didn’t. We first have to ask ourselves what is a Jedi - well, according to the very first time we hear any type of a description about a Jedi they are introduced as the “Guardians of Peace and Justice for the Republic” I don’t see how the war took that away from them.

The Oxford definition of Guardian is a defender, protector, or keeper. I fail to see how the Jedi stopped being any of these things because of the war.

Here’s the bottom line, the Jedi’s biggest mistake was that they fell for a plot 1,000 years in the making. The Sith spent over a millenia perfecting/hatching this plan, there was nothing the Jedi could’ve done to prevent the war by the time the trap was sprung. As always, I’m not saying the Jedi were perfect (I hate that I have to always specify that when I argue that the Jedi were good), all I’m saying is they tried to do the most good that they could with the situation they fell into - few groups/characters can claim the same thing.

Everyone seems to forget that the Sith controlled BOTH SIDES to that war, there was nothing - absolutely NOTHING the Jedi could’ve done that would’ve changed or won that war. So, instead they saved as many innocent lives as they could and to me, that’s very Jedi.

#star wars #jedi #Clone Wars #jedi appreciation #jedi positivity #jedi positive #pro jedi #stop blaming the jedi #meta #rant post #war #The Clone Wars #attack of the clones #jedi culture #jedi council appreciation #jedi did not deserve genocide

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ssaalexblake · 3 years

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“they’ve (humans) fought off so many things, including the worst of their own people“

13 says this about humans in resolution to the dalek, and i’d forgotten about it or not clocked it before and only just saw it while trying to make a gif, but it’s interesting to me because she says it with respect. Even with pride, imo.

13 consistently claims to be a pacifist and this isn’t super interesting to me beyond the fact that she’s clearly lying (like, for clarity's sake this is not me slamming her. I’ve had people think that before but i don’t claim to be a pacifist because i do not believe all violence is equal, much in the way 13 doesn’t, tbh. The refusal to commit violence can be a powerful tool in specific situations but as a flat out ideal that you are unwilling to compromise on it can toe painfully close to ‘silence is on the side of the oppressor’ in action. I’m not insulting her... I think more of her for it Not being true.)

But she is lying, her pacifism is another part of that happy go lucky ‘ideal’ doctor she’s cooked up for everybody to look at in S11 while trying to be the person 12 wanted. She clearly thinks she Should be a pacifist to be that great person.

13′s motivations are interesting because okay, the doctor historically does Not do well with people not willing to stick up for themselves or others. Think of that species who are the most invaded??? species in the universe? Their planet has the record for the most invasions? them? Because they just roll out the welcome matt and accept it all. 11 was frustrated by them. I’d say 12 kind of actively hated them. 13 in the above scene with the dalek expresses respect for humanity’s willingness to fight the hell back, even against themselves, and we can all think of a few different instances in history where humanity has fought back against people who deserved it... Point being, she’s the same as the other doctors, she doesn’t have any philosophical differences causing her to disdain sticking up for yourselves and others... Unlike them, she’s just lying.

I actually don’t think 13 Wants to be a pacifist as much as she thinks she should want to be one. 13 wants to be a lot of things... She wants to be the lie she was pedaling in s11, she wants to live a life of no violence. She doesn’t get to have these things because that’s just not her. Even if she Does want to be a pacifist genuinely, she doesn’t want to be one enough that her own principles matter more to her than saving innocent lives.

The point is, I guess, that 13 respects fighting, she is a fighter, she respects those who fight back she just doesn’t think she Should. There’s a genuine discussion to have around the morals here, because 13′s saying pacifism is great and the Best you you can be is a pacifist, but she is both lying about it being so brilliant and the show consistently narratively points out thhat fighting back Is okay by having her, you know, fight back as the heroic protagonist. They illustrate this also through Ryan who took this no violence approach very seriously and thinks very hard about whether he will fight back or not even in a situation where he will surely die and suffer a horrific fate if he does not. He decides to fight... when he celebrates the destruction he causes he almost gets shot by cybermen, but he is Never condemned for fighting back against them in general, just getting glee from it.

The message is, imo, clear, that the glorification of violence is a mistake, but that doesn’t mean that sometimes it is not necessary and that is can very well be acceptable and something to respect. Be it to save yourself or to fight back against those who would kill or oppress you (the cybermen, who do both), the action of fighting back is Not the same as them attacking you to begin with.

Idk, i see people talk about 13′s pacifism in a good light a lot and i have had pushback multiple times when i call her out for lying because it is perceived i am insulting her but the thing is... I don’t think the narrative Wants us to take away the message that ‘pacifism is always good’. I don’t think we’re supposed to respect the idea of Never fighting. I think it wants us to be Ryan, and therefore who 13 actually is, and not who she claims to be. Do not be gleeful in your violence but do not think it is inherently bad to fight back against people who would oppress or harm you, because it’s not.

///////

But also, I am interested in how she places emphasis on humans fighting back against ourselves in the above scene, and us fighting the Worst of our own species in how it would relate to her relationship with the time lords. Especially in regards to the new knowledge of what was done to build the society. Especially in regards to the fact that it did, in fact, actually backfire on them eventually and one of their own fought back for what was done. I mean, he also slaughtered billions of others who were in no way actively culpable, but he was also, technically, acting out against the evils done by the ones who actually Were genuinely terrible people. Once again, his glee in his violence marks him as in no way in the right by the narrative even past the whole innocent people thing, but i would Love to her 13′s take on this nowadays.

#dw shit #i hate this site it deleted this half way through ffs #i never made that gif ast it turns out lollll #but also side note 13's moments of like... bad guy antagonism where she is gleeful are Not her being her best self #in s11 she's using it as a coping mechanism to keep up the facade and that's!!! not good #her @ the skithra queen? stopping them was necessary but the glee in it #the glee made her ugly and scary #it was not her best self basically

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lochnessies · 3 years

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@cockati3l the church isn’t ruling people from behind the scenes. even the devs confirmed that. the church in adrestia doesn’t exist, the church in the alliance is ‘toothless’ and nobody pays attention to them as said by lorenz, and the western church is in open rebellion against the central. also, when does the church control anybody in the game? nobody is forced to follow them and they even take on nonbelievers as staff.

once again, what corruption are you talking about? it can’t be what edelgard mentions in her speech because that’s been proven false.

it can’t be killing the western priests because they attempted assassination more than once, grave robbed, and attempted to kill students. not to mention are racist af

it can’t be changing history a little because in your own words “what the fuck so u want her to do?” humans killed her race when they found out the amount of power stored in their bones, blood, and hearts. at that time in fodlan’s history clans were fighting for power with the relics of her family and she had to find a way to broker peace as said by intsys: “seiros and co. meddled with history not in order to rule over humans, but to quell the flames of war and chaos as much as possible, and to also keep a steady balance about humanity.”

also yes, rhea was about to step down. she says so herself. even calling herself a “mere proxy” for byleth.

tell me how claude piggybacked off of edelgard’s war to further his own aims? the game tells and shows that he’s spending his time trying to just keep the alliance together.

she’s literally called the hegemon. there is no freedom under her rule. she centralizes all power onto herself and makes herself the supreme ruler. what she says goes and in order to achieve that result she murdered, lied, and stole.

she literally said “i have no regrets.” why? because she doesn’t. she may feel kinda bad about all the dying but obviously not enough to stop what she’s doing and find another path.

also her words about the followers of seiros are far from kind. she calls them “mindless” multiple times (even in her s-support). the faithful are forced to flee from her. people even lose contact with the believers in the empire, and it’s not even allowed to be one in the first place. not to mention in hanneman/manuela’s ending the church can come back but only under the empire’s supervision. so we have a state controlled church. look at all the freedom!

when does dimitri leave crestless people to get fucked? he literally talks at length that he believes that people with crests and people without need to work together and recognize each other’s strengths.

also the church isn’t the one behind the “crest system” (if you can even call it that since the way each house interacts with it is so different). crests/clans became noble houses because of their strength (aka the empire’s meritocracy in the beginning) and the strong aka crest bearers rose to the top bc in the 91 years it took to kill nemesis his elites had already started their own bloodlines and families. the nintendo interview says that rhea lied about the origin of the crests and relics bc she wanted the wars to end and the only way to have gotten rid of the crests humans had would be to genocide them.

with nemesis gone and the adrestian empire now in charge of the continent, a meritocracy started to form among the nobility. hanneman in his support with dorothea says this about the founding of the empire: “consider this. at its inception, the concept of nobility assumed that the greatest among the populace would rise to power. in my mind, i believe that those who value knowledge, those who strive for more, and wish to protect and guide their fellow man. however, in practice, nobility often serves to keep those deemed commoners down, segregated from those who, by chance, were born to a noble family.” this is also paired with ferdiand’s support with edelgard: “certainly, we must recognize the common folk who strive for greatness and attain it. but for those of us born into nobility, things are more complicated. from birth, nobles must excel. if we do not, we will be forced out of our houses. this environment breeds superior individuals, and they, in turn, recreate the rigorous environment for their own children. without that cycle, there would be no political elite guiding the world towards prosperity.” so from these supports we learn that the empire was founded on the idea of the strongest shall rule and they would be replaced if they didn’t reach a standard. however, over time, the nobility started to abuse this power of theirs and the idea of meritocracy was forgotten. which, ironically, is how it always works in the real world as well. that’s where the concept of nobles often bearing crests comes from. it’s comes from the empire not the church. and when faerghus and the alliance break off from it they kept the tradition. also, if you talk to rhea in verdant wind when she talks about zanado you can tell she hates crests. at the very least she hates the fact that humans have them due to how they were acquired. you know, through genocide. it’s also in the book of seiros that the reason the goddess left was because people were abusing crests and it saddened her and she went back to the blue sea star. so no, the church isn’t propagating anything. and they can’t force the noble houses to adhere to their religion so they don’t.

i’m not sure what you mean by “squander any rebellion”. i think you mean squash/stamp out? well the only rebellion we see in the game is from the western church and as i said previously, the priests were punished because they attempted assassination more than once, grave robbed, and attempted to kill students. not to mention are racist af. the church wasn’t the aggressor and only stopped the rebellions because they were dangerous and were also attacking innocent people. however, we do know that in crimson flower there are rebellions under edelgard’s rule and they are put down as well by the empire secret police aka hubert.

the devs also mention that azure moon was written to be a counter to crimson flower. and that is the route where dimitri has to learn to rely on his friends and work together with his people in order to usher in a bright future. in crimson flower edelgard berates people who lean on anybody else for support (all while taking some from byleth) and believes humans need to stand on their own two feet. in azure moon she says: “if after all of this you believe the weak will still be weak, that is only because they are too used to relying on others instead of on themselves.” to which dimitri responds: “yes. perhaps someone as strong as you are can claim something like that. but you cannot force that belief onto others. people aren't as strong as you think they are. there are those who cannot live without their faith... and those who cannot go on once they have lost their reason for living. you path will not be able to save them. it is the path of the strong, and so, it could only benefit the strong.” so yes, there is someone who represents human unity in the game: dimitri.

edelgard doesn’t make fodlan better. she’s the game’s hegemon (called this in three routes). there are rebellions under her. her people are starving (ashe says on cf), she attacked two nations she had no rights to, and defamed an entire race/religion.

crimson flower ends in flames and darkness. this is made VERY clear by the ending mural. unlike the others, which all show a very joyful scene; am has dimitri being loved by the people with archbishop byleth at his side, ss has byleth being held up in the crowd of people as it talks about how they are now the arbiter of every soul and mother of all life (which are the exact words used to describe sothis), and vw has claude talking with the people and the almyrans are visiting; which infers peace between the two nations. however in cf, we have edelgard standing on the flags of the nations she has conquered. she holds a napoleonic staff in her hands, and the mural portrays people with their heads bowed in obvious sadness and defeat. the biggest indicator that this is not an ending to be celebrated, but rather lamented, is the border. In all the other endings, the border is white and is accented by the color of the route. in cf you can see that the border is black. black and red: colors synonymous with evil or darkness. the epilogue also mentions rebellions against her rule that she has put down.

edelgard’s role in the story is that of nemesis 2.0. someone that is manipulated by twsitd and is fed false information to lead her to finish what nemesis started over a thousand years ago - the extinction of the nabatean race.

another massive red flag is what the devs have said about crimson flower being the supreme ruler route. “edelgard in "crimson fower", or rather known as the, "supreme ruler (hegemon) route" is something we honestly meant to be much more difficult to enter.” (they were talking about why it is harder to enter cf than ss). let’s focus on the word ‘hegemon’. the direct definition is ‘a supreme ruler.’ in another interview they mention the ‘hegemon’s path’ which is a chinese philosophy that goes along with the mandate of heaven that the devs have said that they based cf off of. there is a rule of the mandate of heaven: the right to rule is only granted if the ruler cares about his people more than he cares about himself, and if this is not the case, then the people rise up to overthrow the tyrant. we know for a fact that edelgard is this ‘tyrant/hegemon’ because she is called this in the game.

the devs have also said: “due to all the previous titles in the series, the thought/impression that the empire = antagonists is left upon the playerbase. when you think about the "empire", you usually get some sort of "bad/evil" image, i think. and as for the story, it really feels like it started from the romance of three kingdoms, but we force them all to take part in school life. In other words, a period in which there was peace must exist, before starting the fires of war. and because of that, someone evil (villain) has to exist, and so we had the empire bear that burden.” this interview also blew the common argument pro-empire fans had of fodlan not being at peace at the start of the game. they said themselves that the three countries were at peace. even the game states at the start that ‘these three ruling powers now exist in relative harmony.’

also even if other characters did some things wrong that doesn’t suddenly let her off the hook for her actions just like her’s don’t nullify theirs. if she wanted to peacefully change how things worked in her nation then fine. i don’t care. however, she invaded two other independent nations in order to change their systems and put them under her control. that isn’t morally gray no matter how you spin it. it’s tyrannical.

actually it was humans as a whole who fucked up the earth first. the agarthans are a race of humans that have been around for over a thousand years at the start of the game. when the goddess sothis came down from her home on the blue sea star she arrived in fodlan and took on a form that resembled humanity and lived among them. she used her blood to birth a race of children called nabateans. in the beginning, these two nations lived in harmony.

sothis and her children helped the humans advance their technology and weapons over time until the humans’ hubris grew to the point that they began to wage war on each other and eventually the goddess herself - the one who gave them the technology to do so. as confirmed by seteth, (who was there during that time) some of the weapons they used in the war are also seen in the game, such as the missile of light that destroys fort merceus. so basically, it was a ye olde nuclear war that almost completely destroyed the land and the humans. during this, a faction of humans left the surface to live below ground. they built a city called shambala and officially became known as agarthans. back on the surface, sothis used her godly power to try and heal the earth. however, due to the incredible damage done by the weapons, so much of her power was used that she fell into a deep sleep to try and recover. so no, sothis didn’t fuck shit up. it was the arrogant humans that took her kindness and decided they wanted to try and kill each other with it.

yes, dimitri and claude do have the rest of fodlan under their command at the end of the day. however, they way they achieved this was nothing like edelgard’s. they had no intentions of starting a war to unite the three under their rule. dimitri was given the alliance (the round table came to an agreement and willingly became part of faerghus) and when he kills edelgard the empire is now, by default his whether he likes it or not. same with claude. he defeats the empire which by that point had taken the kingdom. both are now without leadership and he doesn’t even stay. he fucks off to almyra. edelgard on the other hand started the war to put all of fodland back under her rule. it’s not comparable.

#i had to use tiny text to try and make this smaller lmao #mine

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sokkabaddiebender2021 · 3 years

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An ATLA Rant: Imperialism & Nuance

Just to start off, this is coming from a girl who’s grandmother was Filipino. No, I have not personally experienced imperialism in my lifetime, but it is a subject that I think is very serious and important to me because of my heritage.

That said, I have absolutely zero idea how you could watch avatar: the part airbender and come out of it saying that it is pro imperialist. Absolutely zero.

I agree because this is a pan Asian inspired show that was written was created by two white men (with the help and advisement of several poc as well but that is a topic for another time), people, especially people of color, have every right to be critical of it. But this argument that the show is somehow pro imperialist just doesn’t make sense to me.

The fire nation is in the wrong. The show makes that VERY clear. Their actions towards other nations is called out by several characters (Zuko, Roku, etc). Their destruction of other cultures (southern water tribe, air nomads, attempted earth kingdom) are seen as diporable and downright inhuman. Not only that, but we see the devastation this cultural genocide brings upon main characters like Katara and especially Aang and how they must heal from it.

Moving on, the show absolutely was not teaching people to stand docile and peaceful against their oppressors. Katara and Aang literally destroy a whole fire nation factory!! When the fire nation was attacking the northern air temple, they were kicking their asses off the cliff!! They planned a whole invasion to attack the fire nation capital to end the war!! (Let’s not forget Katara incititing a riot against the fire nation in the imprisonment episode with the earth benders). I could on and on about all the times the gaang meets the fire nation with violence and encourages others to fight back against them, but that would be going wayyy too in depth.

I think where people get far too simplistic here is that they think that atla is telling people to not use violence against their oppressors because the show is critical of people like Jet and Hama. First of all, the characters are given a lot of nuance in the show. Both are introduced with tragic backstories of the horrors that the fire nation inflicted upon them (I still get chills with the scene when Hama explains her story).

Despite this, both characters have every chance to use their abilities to fight back against the fire nation in a way that helps. You know, like fighting against the army and not innocent people who have no idea that the fire nation is actually in the wrong. The narrative is not that violence is bad! Peace is the only way! I think it’s that you can’t let your veagance lead you away from fighting the right people. That’s the issue: neither Jet and Hama were fighting the right people.

And we first see both characters fighting soldiers in their first scenes. Hama in the flashback when she’s defending her home (and rightfully uses violence to do so) and Jet when he helps the gaang take down some fire nation soldiers in the forest. This is just violence directed at the right people. But instead, both attempt to murder and in Hama’s case, torture people who take no part in the atrocities the fire nation has committed. Are they ignorant? Well of course they are because as we very obviously see, they’ve been fed propaganda their entire life while also living under an authoritarian regime, something that’ll give you no will to think other than the things that are spoon fed to you.

So let me ask you this, was it right for Jet to try and murder an entire village of innocent people, literal children included? Was it right for Hama to imprison and torture lord knows how many innocent citizens just because they belong to an nation that they have no actual knowledge of its evil? I’m hoping your answer is no, and the show would also say no as well.

When both Katara and Aaag choose not to kill, the narrative is not saying that they shouldn’t kill these men. The narrative allows both characters to make their own choice in what ways they wish to do, and it has nothing to do with what is actually right or wrong, because ultimately it is up to what each character wishes to do. Katara sees Yon Ra as the pathetic old man that he is, so she sees no purpose or healing for herself in taking his life. This is a personal choice made for herself, and that is all that matters.

The same goes for Aang. This poor boy is desperate to uphold the beliefs of his people, so he finds another way. A way that still upholds his beliefs while still ending the tyranny of Firelord Ozai. It is ridiculous to say that this is a passive take to imperialism, because yes he doesn’t literally murder someone but he still takes the dude out. And honestly, Ozai’s fate is worse then death (especially considering who Ozai is). Once again, the narrative is not saying be passive to your oppressors and don’t use violence. Its saying that because Aang is living in a world where his beliefs have been forcefully removed and disrespected, he has every right to continue to defend them in the ways he sees fit.

While some may see the narrative as more sympathetic to Iroh and Zuko, I think it’s just because they ARE some of the main characters of the show, as compared to those like Jet and Hama. We see much more of their story just as we see much more of the gaang’s story. Not only that, but their narrative purpose is far different from these two other characters. Iroh and Zuko are meant to show that despite them being from the fire nation, they are not inherently evil people. Jet and Hama are meant to show that even while they are against the antagonistic force of the show, they still can commit evil. Not only are Iroh and Zuko’s actions never justified, but they both must go on a journey to unlearn the hateful propaganda instilled into them, and remedy their ignorance. The narrative never says that neither Jet and Hama cannot also redeem themselves, but Hama feels no remorse for her actions, and Jet does attempt to redeem himself, but ultimately falls back into old habits (I believe he could’ve redeemed himself, but I’ll agree the writers were a bit sloppy in his end, like I’m not sure why they had to kill him other than to make him a tragic character but whatever).

To finally wrap up this essay, ATLA is not a black and white show. The show is not pro imperialist for condemning the violent actions of two characters who happen to be victims of imperialism. The show is not pro imperialist for allowing two children to decide for themselves whether or not they want to end the lives of someone. The show is not pro imperialist for not making the antagonist of the show a one note and one dimensional bad guy.

I’ll end this with the speech that Zuko makes to Ozai when he prepares to leave on Day of Black Sun:

No, I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own! Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the War was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #atla essay #zuko #katara #aang #iroh #jet #Hama #anti imperialism #I promise you if the show leaned towards supporting imperialism I would not love it as I do #the southern raiders #sozins comet #day of black sun

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loving-all-for-loki · 3 years

Text

Voiceless Love Chapter 6: Downfall

Loki x reader, Bucky x reader

Word Count: 3452

Warnings: angst, lots and lots of angst, some Loki fluff, swearing

A/N: I’m sorry. I cried while writing this and had to take a break to gather myself. It’s a rough one

Tag List: @caffeineoverloadandstudying @zizzlekwum @buckylokisimp @daddysfavoritesexkitten @lokiyoulittle @magicalpieex

You spend three days in bed with Loki resting after the Bucky incident. Even though you’ve been able to get up, Loki refuses to let you do anything and forces you to lay all day with him serving you hand and foot. The team watches in disbelief as Loki makes you lunch, gets you your clothes, and even slipped your fingernails once. They find excuses to walk past Loki’s room to spy on you two, but they always catch Loki reading to you or you asleep.

“You can’t be really mad at him. He’s taking care of her,” Natasha states. “Yes, that may be the case, but what are his intentions? She’s not a super soldier or a government trained assassin. She can’t defend herself if Reindeer Games decides to pull any tricks,” Tony pipes in.

“Tony’s right,” Bucky says, “She’s not a superhero in the sense we are.”

“You boys are so paranoid. Obviously, they got closer while we were gone. Is that such a bad thing? Loki finding someone who calms him and makes him kinder?”

“Yes.”

Nat rolls her eyes at Tony and Bucky, sitting down on the lounge seats.

“What are we discussing? I heard my brother's name.”

Thor enters the room which gains everyone’s attention. Steve and Sam put down their sandwiches and tune into the conversation.

“We’re discussing Loki’s intentions with Y/N.” Nat informs.

“Oh, it is very sweet isn’t it?”

“Not to Tony.”

“It’s like he’s grooming her!”

Everyone groans in disgust.

“Tony, I think you fail to realize how hard it is for Loki to connect to people, especially Midgardians yourself.”

“I don’t. I know he’s an arrogant prick whose head is shoved up his ass.”

“Yes, he thinks highly of himself, but he’s capable of feelings beyond pride and rage.”

“Most people aren’t like you Tony,” Steve jokes, which earns him a hard look from the billionaire.

“But with Y/N? Someone who’s so defenseless and vulnerable?” Bucky adds in.

Loki comes in with a bowl of mac n’ cheese, setting it before you.

“I had to get Thor to help me. I’m very good with Midgard technology. I’m not even sure what a microwave really is.”

You chuckle inside at Loki’s innocence and start eating the macaroni before he joins you on the bed, his arm resting over your shoulders. You lean your head against his as the two of you watch some history documentary Loki was intrigues by. Since you’ve been in bed for three days, you’ve only been watching shows and movies you like so you gave Loki a chance. He felt bad then complained about poor Midgard entertainment, but as soon as you showed him the history channel, he changed his mind.

You take your pen beside you and grab Loki’s hand that’s gently rubbing your back. On the side of his index, you write thank you for everything.

“Oh course, little one. You need to be well rested.”

Do you think I could get my own water?

Loki looks beside him to see your glass empty and sighs.

“I suppose you can.”

You smile up at him before getting out of bed. It’s weird to feel the cold floors on your feet after spending so much time under thick warm blankets. You shuffle your way over to the other side of the bed and take the glass. Loki keeps an eye on you as you make your way around, ready to pounce at grab you if you fall over and pass out. You give him a smile and pat on the shoulder before making your way to the door.

Taking your time, you walk down the hallway and hear your name come up in conversation. You stop right before the entrance to the living room, your hands shaking as you grip the glass cup tightly.

“But with Y/N? Someone who’s so defenseless and vulnerable?”

“I know it seems what you would say sketchy, but Loki’s intentions are honorable.”

“And Buck, you’ve seen the way she is with you. She holds onto your metal arm. She’s not afraid of most things other people are,” Steve adds.

Listening to them discuss you like they know you is irritating. Bucky goes on to talk about how weak and fragile you are and the others don’t disagree. They add comments about Loki that infuriate you. ‘He’s dangerous’. ‘He’s using her’. ‘He’s tricking her’. It didn’t feel like manipulation when he made you tea last night. It didn’t feel like manipulation when he explained book plots you didn’t understand. Why did they see him for someone he isn’t? Why do they still hold New York against him as if it was completely him?

You get pulled out of your thoughts when you hear Bucky speak again.

“I don’t like that he went after someone so innocent and defenseless like her.”

You step into their sight as soon as the words leave Bucky’s mouth. Everyone turns to stare at you, realizing you heard them talking about you. Bucky’s eyes go wide at the hurt expression written across your face, realizing he had messed up.

“How much did you hear?” Steve asks.

You slowly and nervously shake your head in disgust. Bucky takes a step forward to come near you but you stumble over your feet as you back up, falling and landing on your wrists. Tears start forming in your eyes as you look back up at the team, specifically Bucky who looks likes he just ran over someone’s dog.

“Y/N, you know I didn’t mean-”

You shake your head and run back down the hallway, ignoring Bucky’s pleads and the Avengers trying to diffuse the situation. Your vision was so clouded by the tears that you miss Loki coming up behind you and run straight into him.

“Woah, woah,” he gasps, grabbing your forearm as you stumble, “what’s-”. He notices the tears slowly falling down your face. “What did they do?”

You shake your head and push past him, retreating into yout room and under your blankets. Loki storms straight to the Avengers instead of with you.

“Tell me what in the nine realms you did to make her cry?”

The team is stunned as Loki raises his voice. There’s fury raging in his eyes, popping his veins out in anger.

“She overheard something. It’s fine.” Sam says.

“Then tell me why she looks like someone hit her dog?”

Bucky puffs up his chest and walks straight up to Loki in a threatening manner, but Loki doesn’t react even an inch.

“Why do you care, huh? Why are you so attached to her? I thought you hated humans! That’s why you attacked New York right? You wanted to take control of us ‘weak humans’, but you failed, so what gives you the right to take her?”

“Are you implying she is weak?”

Bucky stays silent and holds his stoic look.

“You are. That’s what you were saying, wasn’t it? She heard you call her weak.”

Loki scoffs at the soldier and looks to the other avengers for a sign of confirmation. They don’t meet his eyes with trigger alarms in his brain.

“You are all despicable. You know nothing about her. She is not as vulnerable as you think she is.”

“That’s not the point, Reindeer Games,” Tony cuts in, “The point is what are your intentions with her? Why do you want her so bad?”

“What? You think I’m manipulating or messing with her in some way. Is it impossible to imagine me liking someone’s presence?”

“Honestly, yes. We do. We’ve seen you do it in New York. Why can’t you do it now?”

There’s a deafening silence looming over the room. Loki’s eyes go cold as he clenches his fist, trying to not knock Tony out on the spot. Bucky still stands in his face, searching for some kind of vulnerable moment, but all he sees is fury in Loki’s face. He realizes they may be wrong in this situation. No one gets angry like this over nothing. They have never seen him like this before, so much so that even Thor takes a step away from his seething brother. Like nothing happened, Loki swivels and rushes away down the hall, but passes his room and goes straight to yours to find you balling underneath your sheets.

His anger does not go away, but only lessens as he removes the barrier between you two. He sees you curled into yourself, crying as if you had to get rid of every ounce of water in your body. No human has ever seemed so in need comfort to him before than now. Picking you up, he adjusts in bed with you on his lap, gripping your hands tight to his neck, burying your face in his chest. Loki pats your head and shushes you, trying to calm you down while his own burdens flash through his mind.

“I am absolutely outraged by those people,” he says, “how dare they speak like that about you. Do not listen, little one. You are stronger than you know and they are not aware. They do not know you like I know you.”

You continue to sob into him but the tears slow down. Heavy gasping turns into staggered breathing as your heart races less.

“I cannot fathom their incompetence. Pathetic Midgardians. I don’t think they’ll ever forgive me for my advances.”

“I forgive you.”

Loki snaps his head to look down at you, who is staring up at him, face flushed with tears. You had spoken.

Your voice. It’s unlike anything he’s ever heard and he only heard three words. Three so very important words he never thought he’d hear anyone say and you said it with such meaning. Such kindness and heart. It sounded like the heavens themselves opened up and relinquished its glory to him. He felt his body get a rush of warmth flowing through him, one that reminded him of being home with Frigga.

“Thank you,” he says, “I fear you may be the only one.”

He’s scared to say anything about you speaking and freak you out. If he has to go another lifetime without hearing your voice again, he’d never forgive himself.

“I’m tired,” you say sheepishly.

“Then go to bed, darling. I’ll still be here when you wake.”

You wake the next day to the sounds of crashing. Manly voices you have never heard before boom. Springing awake, you forget about Loki falling asleep next to you and accidentally elbow him in the face. “What the-”

“Loki, I’m sorry! I forgot-”

“It’s okay, little one. Accidents happen,” he groans.

The two of you get up off the bed for you to change. With a flick of the neck, Loki uses his magic to change into a three piece suit as he usually wears. You come out with a deep green overalls that makes him smile.

“I like it when you wear my colors.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Hearing your voice in the morning reminds him why he’s around. You’re so perfect in so many ways and that angelic noise only proves that more and more. The sounds of a male booming voice brings him out of his paradise. Taking your hand, the two of you enter the main room where the other Avengers are gathered with a man you’ve never seen before talking to Thor.

“Heimdall,” Loki announces, “what are you doing here?”

The man turns to see Loki standing next to you and doesn’t miss the interlocking of your hands. He turns to Thor who gives a weak smile and whispers something for only him to hear before looking back to you and the god.

“I am here to take you back to Asgard.”

“Father has requested you to come home and get punished for your actions on New York since you have been spending time here. He wants to take proper precautions on behalf of Asgard,” Thor adds.

“That’s ridiculous. He can’t beg for me now.”

“He can, brother, as I am afraid.”

You take Loki’s collar and bring his ear closer to you.

“Does that mean I won’t get to see you?”

“Don’t worry, darling. I won’t let them take me.”

Steve looks between Bucky and Tony who are staring wide eyed at your interaction with the god. Even Clint and Nat stare in awe as you have a private conversation, clearly speaking to Loki.

“What is happening?” Heimdall asks.

“She’s never spoken before,” Thor whispers.

“And she’s speaking to Loki? Why him?”

“I’ve said ‘I’m afraid’ many times and I’m going to say it again. I’m afraid they’ve bonded greatly. This will be an issue if All-Father intends to keep Loki in prison on Asgard.”

“Wonderful.”

Loki walks away from you and takes Thor’s arm, pulling him away to the side.

“Do you really expect me to fall for this?”

“For what?”

“Father wants me home. I know all he wants is to throw me in some cage for eternity. I’m not going no matter how much you plead or even if Father wants to come down here himself and drag me through the Bifrost.””

“There’s nothing I can do. Heimdall had strict orders.”

You walk over to Bucky who puts a protective arm around you, trying to ignore the pain of being second to comfort. He kisses the top of your forehead which you smile for. A glimmer of hope rests in Bucky’s heart that you still have feelings for him despite spending all your time with Loki. You hold to him tight, hugging him around his waist, in anxiousness. You can’t imagine if Loki is gone, the one person you trust the most, you haven't hurt before.

“I can’t leave Y/N,” Loki whispers, “I don’t think you understand that.”

“Brother, I understand your connection to her, but I-”

“Don’t say you have no choice. You can go back to Father and tell him that I’m not coming.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“There’s no point in arguing about this, Loki. You have to go home.”

“What will happen to her, then? She’ll be stuck here with people who treat her like a child.”

“She’ll be fine. She’s a big girl.”

“Not to them. To them she’s weak and useless. She’ll never be used for her powers properly. She’ll never be treated as an equal.”

“I’ll make sure that she does.”

“Brother, I’m the god of lies. I can see straight through you. You’re not going to do anything but sit by and watch them.”

“I’ll watch out for her.”

Loki’s chest rises as he takes in a deep breath, knowing his brother won’t do anything. He contemplates his options: either go with Heimdall or stay here and face worse punishment when he sees his Father one day.

“How long will I be gone for?”

“My hope is a month or two, but most likely two or three years.”

“I can’t leave her that long.”

“Then I will fight for your freedom or escape every day.”

Loki takes a look at you hugging Bucky. The exact image in front of his is what he fear most: losing you to the soldier who looks at you the same way he does. He knows he has no choice if he wants to face a lesser punishment.

“Fine. Give me a moment to say goodbye.”

“Of course.”

Loki walks to you who lets go of Bucky and hugs him. He wraps an arm around your waist and walks with you over to the entrance of the hall where no one can hear you.

“I have to go, darling.”

“Please, don’t.”

The team watches as you open your mouth and speak to Loki, proving to them there was a situation at hand with your attachment to Loki.

“Oh no,” Tony mumbles.

“We’re in trouble,” Nat agreed.

Bucky tries to drown out the anger and instead, a wave of depression over comes him. He knows he messed up with you, but seeing how quick you moved to the god makes him sad, knowing he could have had that with you had he not gotten hurt or even gone on that mission.

“I have no choice, Y/N, but I promise whatever happens, I will come back.”

“What do you mean ‘whatever happens’?”

“There is a good chance I’m being locked away for some time. Thor said that if that is the case, he will help me get out and return to you.”

“You promise you’ll come back?”

“There is not a soul in the nine realms that can stop me from coming to you, because you are my home and you can’t rip my heart away from you.”

Silver tongue. You knew they called him that for a reason.

“I promise, my darling.”

“I’m scared if you don’t come back.”

“I know. I am too. I fear that I’ll never forget you and spend the rest of my days in a cell longing for your touch.”

“Please, don't’ say that.”

“I’m sorry,” he chuckles, “I take it back. I’ll see you in good time.”

Loki gives you a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You start crying on his shoulder, leaving dark spots on his suit. Before walking to Thor, Loki lifts your chin up with his hand, connecting his lips to yours.

You taste like strawberries and wine. Loki thinks to himself that he could get drunk on your lips all the time, always thirsting for you. You’re so soft, like floating on a cloud. He thought your voice was the closest thing to nirvana, but he was wrong. He is just the same. He tastes like whiskey and is sensual with his touch. You can feel the butterflies in your stomach flying around, fluttering their wings and bumping into the insides of you. A chill runs down your spine as the two of you hold each other. You never want to stop kissing him.

Thor coughs under his breath, distracting you and Loki, breaking your kiss. Loki turns to his brother with sadness in his eyes that every person sees. The Avengers look at one another, seeing how painful this is for him, but they don’t dare to look at you. Tears roll down your face, flushing you over. They’ve never seen anyone look so desperate for help. It breaks them, but they don’t dare go against Odin’s word.

Loki walks over to Heimdall who places a hand on his shoulder. He turns back to face you across the room.

“Goodbye, my love.”

In a flash, the two are gone, leaving you a blubbering mess in front of the heroes. Bucky takes a step forward to console you, but you fall backwards shaking your head.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but Loki needs to take responsibility. He’s a criminal.”

“No!” You scream.

Everyone is taken back by the anger and desperation in your voice. Nat and Sam share a look, in awe of your vocal power. Bucky goes wide eyed, staring at you whose eyebrows are furrowed and mouth wide open. You’re choking on your own breath as you hyperventilate. No one dares to say anything as they urge you to break the silence, not wanting to miss a single thing you say.

“You don’t get to say shit!” You yell. “You don’t know him! You don’t get to say ‘he’s a criminal’! He’s a good man and you all are disappointing children! You’re children! Only mature people don’t try to hurt those who hurt them! They understand and listen and make them better! You’re only out to destroy! You’re not heroes fighting for vengeance! You’re villains wanting revenge! You disgust me! The way you treat him and me, so don’t say anything about Loki! People say things happen for a reason, so when I punch you in the face for ever saying anything bad about him ever again, remember I had a reason!”

You turn to walk away from the paralyzed group. They try to take in everything you said, shocked by your first words to them being rage over Loki. There’s no words they have left in them as you’ve taken all of them, except for Bucky. He stand there, heart shattering in a million pieces from watching you pour your heart out for a man who did his people wrong, for a man who is a war dictator.

“Why do you care so much about him?” He screams at you.

You stop in your tracks, facing them with your face full of pain and sorrow.

“Because I love him.

#loki fanfic #loki fan fiction #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki #marvel x reader #marvel fan fiction #marvel fanfic #bucky #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reaser #bucky fanfic #bucky fan fiction #lovingallforloki #voicelesslove

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queer-as-used-by-tolkien · 3 years

Text

Storyline Study: Order Mentor

When you joined your Order at level thirty and met your mentor at level forty, each of the three was instantly revealed to be a different person altogether from the other two.

Tybalt Leftpaw, Lightbringer of the Order of Whispers, was on his first-ever field mission. He was very blatantly calling for you in a sort of undercover way, and simultaneously panicking when you tried to mention the full name of the Order. Your supposed mentor was as new to this as you, had a (sometimes very human-teenager) sense of humor, and had a rather sad backstory balanced by his good nature. You knew he liked apples.

Sieran, Magister of the Durmand Priory, was full of reckless abandon, disregard for authority, boundless curiosity and a heart for the little things. She was confident in her role and her ability, and unhesitatingly took you into dangerous places for the sake of exploration and adventure while brushing off rebuke like a tree sheds sap - even when it was heartily deserved. You learned to be rather frightened for her.

Forgal Kernsson, Warmaster of the Vigil, was an archetypal gruff, stern old mentor whose every drop of praise spoke volumes. But he also carried a sort of wildness to him, that rough edge from growing up a hunter in the Shiverpeaks, coupled with every willingness to say it like it was if it was true. He could be surprised, he could observe calmly when something was new, he could snark like the rest of them and even say things he didn't mean from time to time.

They all fought the dragons - they each more or less took it seriously. But Tybalt was a partner and friend, you were keeping Sieran in check, not the other way around, and Forgal trained you mercilessly.

You all grew together - they had each changed for the better by the time they died. Tybalt had learned that he was worth something, Sieran had learned friendship was worth everything, and Forgal had learned... well. He'd found a student to be proud of, a partner to fight with, a friend to trust... a child to carry on his legacy. But I'm not sure, exactly, what Forgal learned - what the point of his story was.

Sieran was more-or-less well suited to her role in the story; she symbolized innocence and cheer and optimism and the beauty of the world - so you could recognize what was being lost by the dragon's onslaught. Tybalt's story was one extremely well-suited to his character; he taught you that working together was vital to survival, even when neither of you knew exactly what you were doing - a valuable lesson as the story progressed. Both of their stories fit well enough into the three-mission story sequence concluding in their death.

But Forgal was different. He was the mentor who dies partway through. He was the one who trained you and taught you all he could, who died imparting one last gem of wisdom. Or, he should have.

I am not attacking Forgal. I am attacking ArenaNet. We had too little time with Forgal for the story Anet was trying to tell with him. He was like Obi-Wan but without showing up again as a ghost, without the prequels, without being able to send Luke to Yoda - without, most significantly, being able to explain why he'd said Luke's father was dead.

We don't know Forgal. We don't understand him. We only know his family died to Icebrood... but why is he with the Vigil, specifically? Why is he a good friend of Almorra's - allowed to butt in and insult a diplomatic ambassador with barely a reprimand? Forgal is the character that tells me the Vigil has been around decades, not a mere five years. Was he in another military? Forgal was over a hundred years old. You don't join a military at that age and, five years later, are a highly self-disciplined warrior such as he was. Maybe he was Lionguard? Hear this: Forgal is actually older than Lion's Arch. If he'd survived, he would have been old enough to bear witness to all three incarnations of that city. But, apart from being able to recognize the Orrian Scout on sight, this is only a trivial piece of lore.

After he judged us worthy, we should have had long training sessions with him - sparring matches wherein he would easily fend off our blows while simultaneously teaching us about the world, all the wisdom he'd gathered, expounding just a bit on the history of the Elder Dragons (perhaps customized for player's race!) - and then we go off and have a real Vigil mission. Perhaps remove the racial sympathy 'choice' and have all five! A sparring match before each one, with a different lesson (the racial sympathy missions were awfully short anyway). And if you want to keep the idea implied by the term 'racial sympathy,' you could change the tone of some of them, make the player more reluctant and Forgal more impatient, have a middle-of-mission lecture on why it's important to work with everyone - this way you joining an Order feels less 'oh you've always been sympathetic to other races' and more 'wait who are these people.' But you know the real kicker? These training sessions would have made us actually feel like we were a treasured part of his life, the kid he never had, that he takes the effort to train us and takes the time to correct us when we're wrong, that he shares his history with us.

And then, at Claw Island, he would place a hand on our shoulder and tell us - hey - don't worry. You did good. You tell my tale and you take my lessons and put them to good use, you hear me? Listen to Trahearne over there - I've told you a bit about him - he's a good kid, he's smart and he knows what he's doing. And - partner? Partner, I need you to put me down if that blasted dragon raises me.

And we're in tears and Trahearne standing there also puts up a fight and tells him not to go, but Forgal goes anyway, roaring his defiance at the dragon - and his famous line, "you may win the battle, dragon, but you will never defeat our spirit!" And maybe he adds - "you may defeat me, but I will be avenged!" like some cartoon villain only you know - you know that means you.

That is the storyline Forgal deserved. (I selfishly also fixed it just a bit with regards to Trahearne, but...) I don't care if we add an extra ten or twenty levels to the game to account for the four extra racial sympathy story chapters.

And see, now you'll argue that that's biased in favor of Forgal, to do all that with him but not the other two - and that's part of the idea.

Forgal isn't like the other two. He shouldn't be compared to the other two. The storyline we have is good for the other two. Extending their stories would feel... false. Yes, there are supposed to be parallels between the three Orders, but... in that case, ArenaNet should have done something entirely different with Forgal.

How about this: Almorra assigns us to someone else for a mentor, but we show such epic promise she switches us to Laranthir. His storyline? It's right in his idle dialogue at the Vigil Keep - he's always sought love. This puts his storyline on par with Sieran and Tybalt. What about Forgal? He's a Lionguard that all three Order mentors know well. We do racial sympathy with Forgal plus our Order mentor (doing those with only one ally is kind of absurd anyway). This can help set-up and foreshadow the tactical significance of Claw Island, too - and hey, maybe Forgal can even survive that! Or maybe he doesn't survive it but our Order mentor does! (Yeah, that fits better, since Laranthir is important in HoT.) And then, once the Pact is formed, their stories end more naturally without regard for the Order parallels, which would keep the story unique - where your choice of Order still matters even when it doesn't anymore. Tybalt didn't have to die - in fact, it's kind of absurd that he did since his story was about finding his own heroism, and then he dies. He can die later, perhaps, after he's thoroughly proved himself. (And hey, throw in an encounter with his old warband! Bonus lore points!) And Sieran 0 maybe Sieran could go through a heartbreaking transformation in Orr, the land of the dead - you see something far more heartbreaking than her death as she loses her spirit, and you and Trahearne both resolve that even if you're super-busy with the Pact, you can still cleanse Orr together to save Sieran. (This makes cleansing Orr a personal thing for you as well as Trahearne!) And Laranthir - well, I don't know what he was doing originally. Maybe he stayed back at the Vigil Keep to manage things, but you still see him now and then and he gives good advice and (since his storyline was about falling in love or something) you get to tease him about whatever's going on in his life, and then later he shows up again in HoT.

I'm going to stop - I already just presented a rough outline of a whole rewrite of core PS, I'm not going to step into HoT territory. (But since his storyline was about falling in love - ? Anything could happen really. Maybe his love died in the crash (we don't actually know of any characters who died in the actual crash. Awful shame) and that's why he takes the lead against Mordremoth. That would give him a cool motive.)

Anet I want this now.

I only wanted to say how unfair Forgal's story was to him, and then I came up with this whole thing - ? Some of it included a few helpful fixes for the Trahearne hate - this isn't something I can write out into a whole fic since I have a main fic and while this is a significant AU it's not quite enough for a whole fic but also far too much for just a headcanon - maybe I'll invent a new Commander.

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omgitsaddyc · 3 years

Text

I was in my oc feelings this morning, and this happened!

1.2k words of unadulterated Kvyat Fogwyn Feelings :D I wrote like he was writing in a journal over the course of leaving to find Rikka, re-meeting Jason, finding Rikka, and returning to Larkridge to clear her name.

For Shards of Light peeps: My version of this story is a bit different from the campaign’s storyline, for reference.

cw for depressive/suicidal thoughts, injury mention, and Kvyat’s swear-filled internal monologue :P

9/26

The name’s Kvyat Fogwyn. I’m not great at talking about my feelings and shit, so uh...bear with me I guess.

This stupid journal is honestly a last resort. There’s no one left here for me. That’s probably unfair to my parents, but it’s not like they ever really cared. Once they figured out I had a few screws loose they just kinda tolerated me.

I’m getting the hell outta here as soon as I can. I don’t have any plans, but I figure if I just start walking, maybe I’ll eventually find Ri. If she even wants to talk to me. The least I can do is explain what happened, and if I’m lucky she might understand. If not, maybe I’ll just let her slit my throat. It’s what I deserve at this point.

Even after three years of following Britta around I still couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on with her. Guess this is why I stick to bringing people in instead of all the investigation shit.

It’s almost the anniversary of when Ri had to leave. I’ll never forget that fuckin’ day. I’ll never forget how intense her gaze felt. I’m glad I never looked up to see it, but I can still feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck when I think about it. We...we were supposed to have each other’s backs no matter what, and I ruined it. The one thing I promised her and I fuckin’-

Sorry. This is still too hard to talk about. Dunno why I’m apologizing to a book. Every time I start to think about that day, these intense feelings bubble up from my stomach and it makes me wanna jump out of the tallest tree I can find. I hate it. I hate everything I’ve done, everything I wasn’t strong enough to do...I’m worthless.

Going out to find Ri...this is the last thing I’ll do. If I can’t find her, well...sorry to whoever finds this. Take my shit and go buy yourself somethin’ nice. Just leave me for the wolves.

9/30

Something really fuckin’ stupid happened yesterday.

I went to the market to get a few things for my trip, and sell off anything I wouldn’t be needing anymore. All but cleaned out my old room. Less for my parents to deal with later.

So I accidentally kicked a stupid rabbit that was crossing the road. It was crowded and I didn’t see it until it was too late, but I felt bad. So I took the thing back to our shed and let it stay there to rest up.

This morning I go out there, and there’s no rabbit. Just that fuckin’ Grunwick dude. I haven’t seen him in years, and there he was sitting in the hay with a gash across his eye. Heard he fucked off to the woods, and he was better off out there. Dunno when or why he came back, but it took a moment to figure out he was the rabbit. Fucker’s a weird shapeshifter or somethin’. I don’t get it, but it doesn’t matter because I kicked him out.

I plan on leavin’ in about a week. Haven’t told my folks, but they’re used me leavin’ all the time for work. It’ll be fine.

10/10

I left three days ago, and we just made it to the city.

Yeah. I wrote we. The fuckin’ Grunwick followed me. Caught me right before I left and said I’d never make it out there by myself. I’ve been through the woods alone before and yeah, it’s not always the best when you gotta sleep and there’s no one to keep watch, but...whatever. Guess it wouldn’t mean much if I bit it before I even get the chance to find Ri.

So I let him come with. At least he knows his way around the forest, and he doesn’t talk much. Oh, yeah. And he’s got healing magic. That unfortunately already came in handy. Wasn’t my fault I got attacked by a damn angry boar. This never leaves this book but...I’m kinda glad Jason’s here. I probably would’ve bled out in the woods without him.

We gotta go find somewhere to stay for the night. I’m tired of sleepin’ on the ground, and my hair’s startin’ to get gross. We’ll stay here for a day or so to regroup and restock, and maybe I can find some intel on where Ri might be. This is probably just a weird gut feeling, but it feels like she’s not too far away.

10/28

We found Ri. And she’s coming back with us. My tracking skills aren’t total garbage, I guess.

We ended up going through two more towns, but I picked up her trail and it wasn’t too hard to find her after that. Now all we gotta do is get back to Larkridge, and prove her innocence. Between the three of us, I think we got this.

Spending all this time with Jason on the road’s been...fine. He’s not a bad traveling companion even though he likes to sleep in, and eats more sugar than any one person ever should. There are worse things, I guess. Ri called him my boyfriend which. No. No! Not in a million years. I mean, I don’t hate the guy but. I don’t know.

Shut up you stupid book.

11/7

Ri left again today, but this time on her own terms. She’s still got an evil queen to take down with her new friends.

Reading back to my first entry in this stupid thing kinda hurts now. I know it’s only been a little over a month, but a lot’s changed. For the first time in a while I...don’t want to disappear.

I know it’s only been a little more than a week since I wrote last, and uh. Well. Things happened. It’s been a long week, okay?!

So, we found Britta. She was possessed. She had been since before Rikka left. We found out she fucked around with some planar shit, opened herself up to a demon, and the rest is history. Between Ri’s new friends and Jason, we managed to save her. She’s resting up at home with Ri’s parents. She doesn’t know what happened over the last three years. She doesn’t know she killed Jason’s mom. We’ve gotta figure out how to tell her, but that’ll be a problem for future Ri, probably.

I’m resting up too, because Brit managed to get me good with her knife before we took her down. Just a hole in the chest, nothing too major. Jason didn’t take it well. Turns out...goddess this is sappy as shit but-

Turns out Jason never forgot about when we met at that festival all those years ago. I never forgot either, it just…

I didn’t think it would ever work. I was wrong. I’m so glad I was wrong.

Maybe Ri’s boyfriend accusation is more realistic now.

Shut up, you stupid book. Gonna throw this in the damn fire so no one can ever find it and make fun of me.

I gotta get some rest. Fogwyn, signing off.

#oc stuff #Addy writes #Fogwyn lovin' hours #cw: suicidal thoughts #cw: injury mentions

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thinking1bee · 3 years

Text

Cheated Part 2

Requested By Anonymous

Pairings: Lena Luthor X Reader

Tags: ANGST, Violence, Blood, Humor, Some smut, Flashbacks, Fluff, Explicit Language

Taglist: @owloftheshadows

*** Lena Luthor: 3 years later***

The last 3 years with Lena had been amazing. There were definitely ups and downs, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. You knew Lena could love, but you didn’t know that she could love hard. The depths of her, the pieces that everyone else didn’t get to see, she usually kept buried. Even with you, it took several months for Lena to let her walls down around you. You knew her family history. You knew that she struggled to trust, so now that you had it, you would do everything in your power to protect it. Beneath the cold exterior that surrounded Lena like a second skin, was a hurt woman who wanted to love and be loved. She wanted to experience as much acceptance as anybody else in a family, and as the black sheep of the Luthor clan, that never happened. You wanted to give Lena all of that love, you wanted her to be happy, you wanted what she wanted.

Now, you were cuddled with her on the couch, watching the live action Grinch movie, while you were both in comfortable sweats, and a bowl of popcorn nestled between your legs for easy access. Lena didn’t understand this movie, and she understood your fascination with it even less, but she never passed a chance to make you happy.

You were quiet, and with your eyes glued to the tv when Lena gently kissed you. Her soft lips ghosted the skin below your ear that met your neck, and you shivered in her hold.

“What are you doing back there?” you asked while turning your head to look at her. Lena was the picture of perfect innocence. And mischievousness. Want darkened her emerald eyes and you could feel her pull you closer to her chest.

“Oh, nothing,” she whispered. That, in fact, meant that she wanted something. And from the way her hands were trailing closer and closer to the cotton of your sweatpants, you could take a guess at what it was she was after.

Smooth and lithe fingers slipped beneath your underwear to part the folds of your center. You already knew how wet you were. Lena had a sex drive unmatched to anyone else you’d ever been with, and she was so experienced. The first time you had sex with her, she had you coming in 30 seconds and you felt like a complete virgin. Lena had to reassure you frantically that it was normal for that to happen as you were seconds away from smothering yourself with the pillow in sheer embarrassment.

A single digit dipped into your core to gather your arousal and Lena began to rub your juices lightly on your clit, effectively snapping you out of the fond memory.

“You’re so wet for me baby girl,” she husked, her lips ghosting the shell of your ear before dipping down to place wet kisses on your neck.

You couldn’t even get a response out. With the first swipe of her finger, you were already a shuddering mess. The pleasure that coursed through your veins had your toes curling.

“What about the movie?” you barely whispered before a soft moan left your lips.

Lena chuckled before she gently nibbled your neck, her finger not once pausing in their movements against you.

“Trust me, darling. There will be plenty of more opportunities in the future.”

And she was right of course. As long as Lena would be a part of your future, there would be plenty of opportunities to make as many memories as you could.

***Presently***

You went to prison with little to nothing in your possession. All you had was a photo of you, Lena, and Alexa when she was just a couple of months old. What little you had was either seized by the DEO or given to Lena. Lena. Just the thought of her and Alexa, your daughter made your heart throb. You wanted to see them more than you needed your next breath, and it was the thought of them that kept you strong enough to survive this. You wanted to hold them both in your arms, you wanted to hug Alexa close enough for you to feel her heat, you wanted to tell Lena to be strong…but there was no way. Lena was too mad at you, and for something you know that you didn’t do. It was only a week inside and you felt stir crazy. The other women kept staring at you and it made you more on edge than you wanted to be. Your arm was feeling much better, but it was still in a sling, so if a fight were to occur, you would definitely get an ass whooping.

Your picture, too precious to be lying around, would stay on you at all times if it could be helped. You were lying in bed, your cell mate doing enough pushups on the floor to put a DEO operative to shame, when a guard approached the door to your cell.

“Luthor, you have a visitor.”

Immediately, your cell mate stopped to look at you.

“Luthor?” she asked in an almost hostile voice. You hate the way the hairs raised on your arms, but you weren’t goin to show your fear. You weren’t even going to answer her. Instead, you jumped from the top bunk of the bed and follow the guard to the visitor’s area.

Once there, you immediately see blonde hair and blue eyes that sent a wave of relief so strong through you that you thought you were going to pass out. You immediately take the seat across from Kara, and you didn’t realize that you were crying until she wiped the tears away using her thumbs.

“Sorry,” you mumbled while you immediately tried to get a grip.

“Don’t be sorry Y/n. How are you?” she asked with a soft, sympathetic smile.

“I’m in literal hell. I shouldn’t be here Kara and you know that.”

She nodded and was silent for a minute.

“I recruited James and Winn to help me,” she offered. “Winn may have found possible evidence that’s linked to you being set up, but it’s not enough to prove your innocence.”

She said the last sentence in a rush before your hopes could get too high. It was silent again and you almost dreaded asking your next question, but at the same time, you needed to know.

“And Lena…?”

Kara shook her head, and you closed your eyes as you tried to swallow your anger and disappointment.

“I’m sorry Y/n, but she won’t come.”

Against your willpower, the tears began to well behind closed eyelids and you almost bit your lip off in an effort to keep them back.

“She really thinks I did it, huh?” you said in a voice that sounded too broken even to your own ears, and in a millisecond, Kara was enveloping you in a warm gentle hug.

“No touching!” one of the guards barked and you flipped him off.

“I’ll try again,” Kara promised. “But you know how Lena is.”

And that made you laugh because you did know how she was.

“Stubborn as hell.”

“You know it,” Kara said with a smile.

“If Alexa gets that trait from her, I’m going to be so totally screwed.”

Kara laughed and you two sat back down and kept talking.

***Lena Luthor: Hurt***

You and Alex were assigned a major mission together and it required you to fly halfway across the world to the access point and jump out the plane from thousands of feet in the air to reach it. J’onn entrusted you two with the mission, with Kara as support in case anything major happened. The objective was clear, to find and eliminate a hostile alien. All attempts of reasoning and subduing them had been futile, with the alien breaking free and causing more damage to both people and property in consequence. Kara wanted to take care of the alien herself, but they had immediately surrounded themselves with enough Kryptonite to kill her if she got too close. A big team of agents would alert the alien to our presence and that was something we had to avoid. If it had to be done, it would need to be done right, and as you and Alex crept down the halls of an underground, concrete facility, you mentally rehearsed the plan in your mind. You were to flank the alien and whoever had a clear shot first, was to take it. Luckily, this particular alone had no notable active powers. According to their dossier, they had heightened intelligence when it came to strategizing and demolitions, making them still dangerous.

“Are you guys okay in there?” Kara asked you over the comms.

“Yeah, we’re alright,” Alex answered. “We’re headed into the main room. Do you have eyes on us?”

There was long pause, and you could practically feel Alex cock an eyebrow.

“Kara?”

“Uh, yeah...the room you’re headed into is lined with lead. I can’t see inside. Please be careful.”

“Perfect,” you groaned. “At least this one is prepared.”

Alex chuckled lightly, your sarcasm not going unnoticed. You approach the door and look at her.

“You ready?”

Alex nodded and you kicked open the door, which was surprisingly easy. One of the hinges flew off of the door from the force of your kick and you eyed it warily. Standing back to back, you and Alex had pistols draw as you searched for the target. The room was bathed in a green glow. The abundant kryptonite cast an eerie light throughout the room, and though the room was illuminated, the radioactive crystals that embellished the room cast more shadows than the light could chase them away.

“Do you see anything?” Alex asked you quietly and you shook your head.

“Eyes open. Spread out.”

You were about 10 feet away from Alex when you saw the shiny glint of something small being pointed towards her, and it was too dark for you to get an accurate shot. You reacted, sprinting towards Alex faster than ever, and you reached her, your arms encircling her body and turning her around, when you heard several pops from behind you.

It happened too fast, and you could feel several points on impact on your back, along with Alex raising her gun to fire at your attacker. You landed on top of her harshly and rolled away from her before you could hurt her further. As you settled on your stomach, that’s when you felt it, fiery agony spreading through you, along with a warm wetness that was soaking through your suit. Alex ran to you, her hands steady as she gently lifted your head.

“I heard shots, is everyone okay?” came Kara’s voice through the comms.

“Y/n has been shot, and it’s bad Kara. One bullet barely missed her spine.”

“Okay I’m coming in,” Kara said.

“What about the kryptonite?”

“Alex, what about her? She’s worth it and we don’t have time to waste.”

You heard the full conversation, and you went to say something when a bone wrenching cough exploded from your mouth. Along with it came a mouthful of blood and it was like you couldn’t stop it. Mouthfuls of it kept coming up and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

“Shit! One of the bullets pierced her lung. She’s drowning in her blood.”

Kara crashed through the ceiling some feet away and immediately gasped in pain. You lost the ability to keep you head up but through blurry vision, you could see her veins highlight green beneath her skin. They throbbed in time with her heartbeat and she took ragged breaths in an attempt to breathe through the agony. Kara barely had the energy to look you over properly like she wanted to.

“I’m sorry,” was all she said before she scooped you into her arms. Your scream of pain was muted by gurgles of blood and you felt bad when you coughed it all over her and her suit. Kara went back to the hole she made and stood under it.

“Will you be okay?” she asked Alex and then grimaced as the pain increased.

Alex nodded, knowing for sure that she shot the alien in the head.

“Yeah, just get out of here,” she said, rushing Kara out before she got incapacitated along with you.

The fly home was a blur, and the time spent in the medical bay was as equally faded into oblivion. All you remember is your back and how it ached and burned in the worst ways imaginable. You were tired, so when a nurse slipped a mask over your face and told you to sleep, you happily obliged.

You woke up to Lena, who was beside you with your hand in her grasp. She was tired, the exhaustion and frustration etched clearly into her face. You tried to blink and shake the grogginess from your brain, but it only served to agitate your wounds. You winced and hissed as tears came to your eyes.

“Don’t move,” Lena said softly, but the look on her face betrayed the sentiment in her voice.

“Are you mad?”

She was silent and green eyes studied you. As the seconds ticked on, they got softer and softer until she smiled at you.

“No, I’m not mad. I was worried. Alex told me that you got four gunshots to the back and one of them pierced your lung. The nurses had to stabilize you long enough for Kara to go back and get her. Alex was the only one you could do the surgery.”

You sighed and kissed the back of her hand sweetly, loving the fact that you’ve woken up to see her again.

“You couldn’t do it?” you asked her.

She shook her head. “You would have drowned in your own blood before I would get here.”

Everything was quiet for a minute as you held Lena’s hand tightly. You were about to say something when the shiny glint of something on your hand distracted you. You squinted as you brought your joined hands closer to your face. Maybe it was the medication or the fact that you’ve been out for some time, but it looked like a ring.

Lena laughed as realization dawned on you.

“Lena is this what I think it is?” you asked incredulously.

“At this rate, you’re going to get yourself killed. I at least want you to be my wife before that happens.”

She paused as she got on one knee beside the bed and looked into your eyes.

“Y/n L/n, will you do me the honor of marrying me?” she asked you.

Cue the record scratch that had you frozen in surprise on the bed. You weren’t too sure if this was real, and you went to pinch yourself, but your movement caused your back to flare painfully.

“Are you okay?” Lena asked, more confused than anything.

“This is real? Like, this is happening, yes?” you asked.

Lena laughed and kissed you gently on the lips. That caused your heart rate to skyrocket and the heart monitor connected to you went crazy. It was only a few seconds when you heard the sounds of feet running towards your room and Alex rounded the corner, skidding to a stop in front of the bed. She looked at you, and then Lena, before she scoffed and crossed her arms.

“Guys, seriously?” she said, unimpressed.

You smiled and showed her your hand. Her eyes drifted to the ring that adorned your finger before her eyes got big and she squealed in excitement.

“Well???? What did you say?” she demanded excitedly.

“I’m saying yes of course.”

Part 3

#part 2 #enjoy guys #supergirl fanfic #lena luthor #lena x reader #angst #humor #flashback #fluff #violence

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queen-haq · 3 years

Text

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 6

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and light smut.

Words: ~2400 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

***

The moment Billy spotted you and Roger sitting at the corner table, his mood soured. The two of you were engaged in deep conversation, his chair next to yours so you could study his Ipad as he showed you something on it. You nodded at times, your focus entirely on the screen, and every once in a while Roger would smirk at you like he was imagining you naked. It pissed Billy off so much he had to fight the urge to go over and sucker punch the fucker.

For someone so brilliant, he wondered how you could be so gullible when it came to Roger. How could you not notice the guy was hardcore hung up on you? Not that Billy could blame him for falling for you. But you should have exercised more caution and not socialized with the prick outside of work. After all, you had a stellar reputation within the industry to protect and the last thing you needed was for people to wonder if you moved up so quickly due to your own merit or your relationship with Roger. You worked hard and deserved all the recognition you received and it wasn’t fair to you that people would question your brilliance. Except you didn’t seem worried about that at all which infuriated Billy.

“Which one are you spying on?”

Hearing Dinah’s question, Billy dragged his attention away from you and back to the brunette sitting in front of him. Usually they hooked up every few weeks but ever since the gala, neither had reached out to the other. When she’d called this morning wanting to meet up and talk, he’d suggested meeting at Piatti.

“Him or her?” Dinah prodded.

“Both,” he replied, intending to cast a quick glance in your direction only to find you smiling at Roger the prick. A beautiful, dazzling, flirtatious smile that would unmistakably give the asshole the wrong idea about you.

“Billy, are you okay?” Dinah asked, watching him with concern.

“Yeah. Fine. Why?”

“You look angry.”

He shook his head, plastering on a fake smile. “You worried about me, Madani?”

“Should I be?”

“Be careful. I might start to think you’re falling for me.” He leaned in closer, reminding himself how easy it was to be with her. He and Dinah always had a good time, the sex was great, and there were no complications in the relationship. She didn’t crawl into his head and take up permanent residence the way you had. She didn’t demand things of him he wasn’t prepared to give. The arrangement with Dinah was simple, casual and perfect, just the way he preferred.

“About that…” Dinah cleared her voice. “We need to stop seeing each other.”

He cocked his eyebrow. “Why is that?”

“Because I’ve met someone.”

Dinah’s words barely registered in his mind as he noticed you walking away from the table and heading for the staircase that led downstairs. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.” Billy walked across the restaurant, following the same path you did. The restrooms were located on the level below, and once he reached the floor, he found it empty. Leaning against the wall next to the women’s bathroom, he waited for you to come out. When you exited a few minutes later, he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you against him. Right away you started struggling, kicking him, attacking him, even starting to scream if not for his hand covering your mouth. It took a few seconds for Billy to subdue you and it was then he spotted the sheer terror on your face. When you pushed him off this time, he stepped back right away.

“What are you doing?” Your hand was on your chest, your breathing rapid as you struggled to catch your breath.

Billy felt horrible. You were rightfully jumpy since the incident yesterday. “Shit. I wasn’t thinking-”

“I thought you were him!”

“I know. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.” Outwardly you seemed to be calm again but he sensed it was a façade, especially when he saw how your hands were shaking. “Let me?” he urged, seeking your permission to hold you. When you didn’t say no, he moved in closer to wrap his arms around you.

At first you stiffened, just like you had yesterday, but then you leaned into the hug, snuggling your face against his chest with your arms looped around his waist. He breathed you in, offering you comfort but also trying not to get excited at how good you felt in his arms. Instinctively he caressed your hair, pressing light kisses on your forehead and the top of your head. You squeezed your arms around him, as if trying to fuse yourself with him.

He could have stood there forever, simply holding you, inhaling in the scent of your shampoo, your perfume and getting lost in your essence. Somewhere in his brain he knew how ridiculous this was, he was acting like a goddamn teenager with a first crush, but at that moment it didn’t matter. None of it did. He just felt content. “You’re okay,” he murmured. “Not going to let anything happen to you.”

“You sound like you actually care,” you replied, your voice muffled against his jacket.

“Maybe I do.”

Disappointment surged through him when you pulled back to look at him, but he took comfort in the fact you were still locked in his arms.

“What are you doing here?” you asked.

Billy realized you hadn’t seen him upstairs, like he’d assumed, which meant you weren’t aware he’d come with Dinah Madani. “Work thing.”

“And you just happened to choose this restaurant?”

“Why not? You got exclusive rights to this place or something?”

“You heard me mention this place to Roger last night when you were eavesdropping.”

“It’s not eavesdropping if you have the conversation right in front of me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Why do you hate him so much? Is this really a Valiant vs. Anvil thing? Or do you guys have some kind of history that I don’t know about?”

Billy’s eyes drifted down to your lips. “I don’t hate him. I don’t even know the guy. It just bugs me that you think he’s so great.”

You stilled, sounding almost breathless. “Why?”

“If he did his job properly, you wouldn’t have a gun pulled on you yesterday,” he snapped, agitated at the thought of you in danger. “But you don’t seem to give a damn about that.”

“He’s not the one responsible.”

“And now you’re defending him.”

You exhaled a heavy sigh, bringing your hand to your chest to rub your skin nervously. The gesture immediately drew Billy’s attention to your breasts as your fingers inadvertently pulled down the already low-cut neckline of the cashmere sweater you were wearing. Visions of your naked breasts danced through his mind, reminding him of how close he’d come to fucking you yesterday. It had taken every bit of strength he possessed to refuse you. If you’d been anyone else, he sure as hell wouldn’t have, but you were terrified and in pain and he didn’t want to take advantage of you when you were vulnerable. He wasn’t that big of an asshole. Of course none of those valid reasons helped with the hard-on after.

“Stop staring at my breasts, Billy.”

“Just remembering last night,” he drawled, reluctantly tearing his gaze away from your breasts to meet your eyes.

“When you turned me down?”

“Because it wasn’t me you wanted to fuck. Anyone would’ve done.” Billy tried to smooth the edge in his voice but the bitterness was still there, present in his tone.

Regret washed over your face, surprising him. “You’re right. That wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.”

He reached out to tuck a loose curl of your hair behind your ear. How was it that he’d spent months without ever knowing you and now it had barely been a week since you let him in and you already felt like a part of him? “Next time you’re naked in front of me, I’m not being a hero,” he warned. “I will fuck you.”

You chuckled. “There isn’t going to be a next time. You lost your chance, Billy.”

“We’ll see about that,” he smirked.

You quirked your eyebrow, a wicked smile on your face. “You think Roger would’ve turned me down?”

The smirk on Billy’s face disappeared at the thought of you fucking Roger. No, not just Roger. Anyone else. He advanced forward. “Don’t provoke me, Y/N.”

You stared up at him defiantly. “But it’s not like you get jealous, right?”

He grasped your chin, leveling you with a keen stare. “Stop.”

“Or what?” You taunted.

“Or I’ll carry you upstairs and fuck you senseless right in front of dear Roger.”

The hitch in your breath made him realize how much that idea aroused you, and he watched as your tongue delicately licked your bottom lip. God, your mouth. He remembered the last time your mouth was wrapped around his cock, sucking him off-

“You’re not jealous but you show up at the same place I’m having dinner with Roger. What were you planning to do? Sit at the bar and stare daggers at us?”

There was a smile tugging at your lips, you were teasing him. You liked having him there, and the thought made him ecstatic – except he remembered he wasn’t alone. Dinah was upstairs, you would see her soon, and knowing you would inevitably misinterpret the innocent dinner as something else made his insides twist with anxiety. He couldn’t bear the idea of you in pain.

Something in your eyes shifted, as if you’d read his mind. Just as suddenly, he sensed the change in your demeanor. A minute ago you were flirting with him and now your guard was back up. Immediately you moved away from him.

“You’re not here alone.” You gave him a small smile, trying to play it off like it was no big deal. “I don’t know why I thought you would be.”

Billy reminded himself he didn’t have anything to feel guilty about, it’s not like he’d ever promised you monogamy. Hell, you guys weren’t even in a relationship - but none of that helped ease the terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. “It’s not a date or anything. Just having dinner with a friend.”

“Friend?”

He hesitated to tell you, but you seemed to know already.

“Dinah Madani,” you answered yourself.

“Look, nothing’s going on. She was actually telling me how she’s seeing someone new.”

Your voice was filled with contempt. “Good for her. She deserves better than you.”

“What the hell does that mean?” You were here with your precious Roger but you were pissed Billy had brought someone?

You were charging towards the stairs when you paused, turning back to look at him. “Every time I think you can’t be more of an asshole, you prove me wrong.”

“You’re not exactly a ray of sunshine either, sweetheart,” Billy retorted, but you had already rushed up the stairs and disappeared from view. Angry, he marched upstairs. Dinah was texting on her phone when he returned to the table.

“Took you long enough,” she remarked.

“Sorry,’ he offered flippantly, chugging his drink.

“I’m guessing it’s not a co-incidence your mark came back a few seconds before you did?”

Billy cast you a quick look to find you sitting alone at the table, on your phone. “Let’s not talk about her. She’s not important,” he said dismissively.

“Really? Because I’ve never seen you wound up so tight.”

He reached for Dinah’s hand, sending her a seductive smile. “How about we get out of here?”

“I told you, I’m seeing someone.”

“So what? He doesn’t need to know.” He said half-heartedly, already losing enthusiasm for the offer he proposed. His gaze inadvertently returned to you. Roger the prick was back and you were fully engrossed in his eyes.

Dinah sent him a smirk. “You like her.”

“Sure,” he bit out sarcastically.

“No, you really do.”

“Are we in high school or something?”

“It’s serious. I can tell. Your eyes get all soft when you look at her.”

“That’s you looking at the world with your love goggles on.”

“Have you told her how you feel?”

Jaw clenched, he gestured the waiter to bring him another drink.

“So that’s a no then,” Dinah mused.

“I don’t want to talk about this with you, Madani.” He chugged the whiskey. Just then his phone rang. Grateful for the distraction, he pulled it out to answer it. “Billy Russo.”

“It’s Quentin. The guy you asked me to check up on? His family just posted bail. He’s out.”

Immediately, his eyes flew to you. “Thanks, man. I owe you one.” He scanned your face. A minute ago he would’ve been fuming that you were giggling with Roger but now Billy wanted to hold on to this moment and etch the memory of a happy you in his brain. “Dinah, there’s something I have to take care of.” He waved at the waiter to come over, and handed him his credit card. As he waited for the bill, he fired off a text to one of his contacts. It’s on.

“You mean her?” Dinah asked.

“Yeah,” he muttered, signing for the bill. “I have to give her some bad news.”

“Then you should also tell her how you feel. Give her something good to go with the bad.”

“You’ll be okay to get home on your own?” Billy asked.

“I’ll be fine.”

Dinah stood up to leave, but not before leaning over to kiss his cheek. It didn’t escape Billy’s notice how you glanced over at that very moment. Hurt flashed across your face but it disappeared quickly, and you turned back to Roger again.

As soon as Dinah left the table, he started making his way towards you. He sensed the second you were aware of his looming proximity because you tensed, despite the smile you maintained on your face.

“Roger, Y/N, how are you guys?” Billy greeted, putting on his most magnetic smile. He extended his hand out to shake Roger’s who returned his friendly greeting. When he turned to you, you offered him a stiff smile.

“Billy, how’s it going?” Roger asked.

“Great. Mind if I join you guys for a minute?”

“I’m actually leaving.” You slid out from behind the table, careful to keep your distance from him. “Roger, thanks for dinner. I’ll see you at work on Monday.”

“Adam Preston’s been released on bail,” Billy announced.

You stilled, his eyes locked on you.

“Got any plans to protect your star asset, Rog? Or are you just gonna have her fend for herself?”

“Don’t,” you warned, glaring at him.

Billy leveled Roger with a smug glance. “Disgruntled employees. Shoddy security. Things are a real mess at Valiant, aren’t they? If Valiant can’t protect its employees, feel free to use Anvil. We’re more than capable.”

At least Roger had the gall to look embarrassed. “That won’t be necessary.”

As you stormed away, Billy turned to Roger. “Start with 24/7 protective detail on her. If you can manage that.”

He didn’t wait for a response, quickly rushing out of the restaurant to catch up with you only to find you waiting for him in the nearby alley. You were furious as hell, bristling with rage as he drew closer.

“What the fuck was that?” you demanded. “Who the hell do you think you are, talking to my boss like that?”

“I’m the one who got him to step up and take responsibility,” he yelled back. “Something he should have fucking done from day one!”

“You made me look like a helpless idiot in front of him. He’s my boss! I’ve spent years working my ass off so people actually take me seriously and you just completely shot that to hell!”

“Think I give a fuck about your job when some maniac is out to hurt you?” Billy raged.

“Stop acting like you give a shit about me, Billy, when we both know you don’t!” You started to walk away but he grabbed your arm from behind.

“You think I don’t care?” he roared, pulling you to him. “I wish I didn’t! I wish I didn’t give a fuck about you. My life would be hell of a lot easier if you weren’t in it.”

“Then stay the hell away from me!” You screamed, clawing at him. “Let me go, you fucking asshole!”

He was so furious he couldn’t think straight, his blood was boiling. So he did the only thing that could calm the rage in him. He shoved you against the wall and kissed you.

Part 7

As always, thank you so much for the likes, the reblogs, and especially the wonderful comments and asks you’ve sent me. Trust me, it makes my day and keeps me insanely motivated to keep writing. LOL.

I’m on vacay next week, and my plan is to lay on the Caribbean beach, relax under the sun, and write some dirty, angsty smut while also indulging in the same in real life :)

If you want to be added/removed from the tag list, please drop me a note.

GIF source: @bilyrusso

Tag List

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#billy russo x reader #billy russo #billy russo imagine

166 notes · View notes

hotchley · 3 years

Text

two thousand, five hundred and fifty-five

Surprise, I have not finished the date or any of the things for my 300 sleepover, but I have written this thing set seven years after Haley’s death. I absolutely hate it, it makes no sense and it’s not been proofread but I also want to sleep so... yeah, it’s fine. Not my finest work, but something.

Trigger Warnings: grief/mourning, depictions of violence and death, religious themes, graveyards, unhealthy thinking patterns, slight implications of suicidal thoughts and thoughts of death, lots and lots of survivors guilt

read on ao3!

The one constant thing in Aaron's life had been Haley.

It had always been Haley, from the moment they first set eyes on each other. It had been the last day of school when he truly saw her for the first time. And he had been so taken aback by her smile and innocence that he'd crashed into a pile of props, sending them all tumbling to the floor.

She had refused to let him clear it up alone, and when their eyes met, he could've sworn he saw the life he could have if he would just get over himself and speak to her properly. But then her friends had called her over and she ran away without another word.

When his father came home with flowers for his mother, he didn't even remember to be disgusted. Because when he looked at the flowers, he didn't see a false apology, or an attempt to keep up the facade that the Hotchners were a perfect family. He just saw Haley's beautiful and kind eyes in the ribbon they were tied with.

And when his father died, filling him with grief so consuming and painful, even in spite of everything that had happened, Haley held his hand. She held his hand as they lowered his casket. And she held his soul when he sobbed, not understanding why he missed the man that had done nothing but hurt him.

Then his mother died, a semester into his final year at law school, Haley fought for him to be given a break, saying that he needed time but could still do it and didn't need to drop out. She held his hand at the funeral, rubbing comforting circles that warmed his skin and reminded him he was alive.

She held his hand at every funeral they ever had to attend, grounding him, reminding him of the reasons he kept fighting. Even after Adrian Bale murdered six agents, she held his hand. She did it because she wanted to, not even realising just how much it helped him.

Haley was light and good. But she never once hesitated to touch Aaron, and that was the one thing that convinced him he wasn't a monster that would turn into his father and destroy everything he touched. Even when the divorce papers were signed, she never left him. She had left because he wasn't the man she needed, and she was not the woman he wanted, but she would love him till she died.

But she had always assumed that she would die when Jack had his own children and Aaron had retired from the FBI, having taken a job at the local college to lecture the future lawyers. She had assumed it would be in her sleep, when her hair was grey and her joints ached. She always assumed Aaron would go first.

It was morbid, but true. His family had a history of cancer and heart attacks. His job involved putting his life on the line every single day. Unsubs set off bombs that caused shrapnel to the leg and they fired guns and they burnt down buildings.

Her job involved teaching children that music was not just something that needed to be a hobby. Telling children that they were good enough to do whatever they wanted and they could not let people control their futures because at the end of the day, it was their life.

Two thousand, five hundred and fifty five days ago, Haley Hotchner Brooks was murdered by George Foyet. Erin Strauss told her ex-husband that the death was swift and painless.

She had lied. George Foyet shot her, but he deliberately missed striking anything that would be fatal because he wanted to drag it out. He wanted to watch as her blood stained the living room carpet, the red a terrible and ugly contrast to the neutral tones. He wanted to watch as life left her body and as she fought so valiantly to keep her eyes open for her ex-husband and son. He wanted to watch the fear settle in her eyes as she realised that Aaron wasn’t coming to save her. Nobody was. He wanted her to know she was dying. Know that there was no coming back from this one. That she was never going to hold her son or kiss Aaron ever again.

And then he had dragged her body up the stairs, into their old bedroom for him to find. Aaron hadn’t been able to convince himself she was sleeping. Her body was too posed, too still. Haley always smiled as she slept. Her face, when he found the body, was contorted with fear because she had known that this was her ending.

Because she was too good, too selfless, her final thoughts had not been of everything she hadn’t gotten to do. It was not of the dreams that had been ripped from her far too early. Nor had it been anger and hatred directed towards Aaron. She knew he had done his best, and she would not let herself die hating him.

Haley Brooks' last thoughts had been a desperate prayer to anyone that was listening. She prayed that Jack would be able to enjoy the fireworks that would be set off on Independence and New Years Day. She prayed that Aaron's grief would not consume him and he would accept that it was not his fault, that she had always loved him, and that he would let himself love again. But most of all, she prayed that he would be spared the truth, if only so he would keep himself alive. She prayed Jack would be the perfect combination of them. And that he would be enough to remind Aaron of the reason he kept fighting.

Jack hated Independence Day. He hated New Years. Those were the days that Hotch would play Anastasia louder than was safe for his hearing. The days they would make a pillow fort in the living room and sleep with the light on because sleeping in the bedroom felt too much like hiding in that box.

There had been a time when Aaron's grief had consumed him. Jack had been away at summer camp. He had been alone, with no cases and no son to keep him occupied. All he had were his thoughts and guilt. Derek had pulled him from the shower, fully clothed and trembling from the cold, just in time. He had gotten suspicious when Aaron didn't turn up for their run for the first time since Haley had left and thought of the last time they had waited.

It was that same week that Aaron started telling his therapist the truth. They couldn't help him unless he let them. And he was finally ready to do that. He still believed it was his fault, because there had been so many things he could have done differently, but he had always let himself love again. Him and Beth had been beautiful together, and some of her artwork was still hung up in his apartment. Even though they hadn't lasted, it was nice to know that his heart still worked.

Her final prayer had been answered. Erin Strauss had heard how much Aaron still loved Haley from each of his team members. That final phone call had been played for her as part of the investigation into his actions. She had seen the look on his face when he said that George Foyet would have gotten up, killed him and then his son. He wasn't making assumptions. He was repeating what had been said.

He was already so broken and distraught. There was no need for him to know the truth. So she had looked down at the file that contained all of the violent and graphic details in one final attempt to pull herself together. And then she had looked her subordinate in the eye and lied to him.

Maybe it made her a terrible person, but she hadn't felt any remorse. It kept him alive. It kept him fighting and with the BAU. That had to be better than the alternative.

That lie had been told exactly two thousand, five hundred and fifty-five days ago. Seven years. Haley Hotchner Brooks had died a brutal and painful death, but everyone that knew the truth had told Aaron Hotchner and Jessica Brooks that it had been quick and painless in order to keep them alive.

Aaron Hotchner woke up on the morning of the seventh anniversary of her death with a pit in his stomach. Jack had been quiet and withdrawn for the week leading up to it. He was some weird and imperfect combination of his mother and father, even though one had always been missing from the most formative years of his life. He grieved in the same way his father did and Aaron wasn't sure whether or not that was a good thing.

He didn't want to face the day. He didn't want to think about the science behind cells or take Jack to the graveyard and ask him how he was. He didn't want to pretend that Haley could hear what they were saying because he didn't believe she was in a better place. He didn't want to face sympathetic glances from everyone they came into contact with, or phone Jack's school to say he would be absent today.

But Jack couldn't go alone, he was still too young. And he needed to be asked so he could break down or shout or just shrug and say he didn't quite know. Jack still believed that Haley was watching over them from heaven, and that whatever they said would reach her because he had faith in happy endings. He would hate the sympathy, but accept it with a slight smile.

He would love the stories people shared about his mother. It helped him cope. It reminded him of how similar they truly were and made him feel like a piece of her was still with them. He know his dad would find it difficult to do everything, so he climbed out of bed and headed to the kitchen without making a sound.

Oatmeal was an easy meal for a child to make. Even one that wasn't even in high school yet. So Jack made two bowls that were far too full and took them to the bedroom.

Hotch had found it in him to sit up, even if he still hadn't made it out of bed.

"Look!" Jack exclaimed, with a wide grin. "It looks like the one you make!"

It didn't, not really, but Hotch forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah. Thank you buddy. How are you feeling?"

Jack hesitated, spoon halfway to his mouth, then shrugged. "Not sure. My stomach hurts. Do you think Mom's proud of me for making us breakfast without burning the apartment down?"

The lump that had been forming in Aaron's throat got larger. He swallowed. "Yeah buddy," he said, voice cracking slightly. "She's proud of you every minute of every day. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

"I won't," Jack promised, then ate his breakfast like it was any other day.

The florist gave them both a sad smile when they entered. She had made up their bouquets as soon as she had gotten in the shop, knowing exactly what they would want. The son always had a flower of each colour, tied together with a yellow ribbon. Even though it was unfair that he'd been forced to say goodbye at such a young age, making his bouquet always brought a smile to her face. He was still so innocent.

The father always asked for purple hyacinths. She wasn't stupid. She knew he was Aaron Hotchner with the BAU. She knew his ex-wife had been murdered by the same serial killer that had broken into his apartment and stabbed him. She wondered if it was a coincidence, or if he knew what they meant.

He did. It was why he picked them. Haley would laugh and call him an idiot if she knew, but she didn't so he carried on taking the same bouquet every time he went, no matter what time of year it was. They were always tied with white ribbon. It looked pretty.

Innocent. Pure. Like she had been until his obsession with the chase got her killed.

He handed his card to her without a word. She longed to ask if he needed anything, but didn't. It would be weird.

Jack waved her goodbye, and she smiled. Only when they were out of sight did she turn and wipe her eyes. Seven years they had been coming to her shop, and not once had the boy forgotten to say goodbye to her. Not once had the father left without saying thank you.

They both deserved better.

Hotch didn't let go of Jack's hand as they approached the grave. Jack set his flowers down with the utmost care, and then sat next to the headstone. Haley hadn't wanted anything fancy. In fact, her only request had been that it said Hotchner. Aaron remained a few feet away, wanting to give Jack some privacy, but also making sure that nothing bad happened.

He had always found something about graveyards morbidly peaceful. Even despite the tension that always accompanied a visit with Jack, he found himself admiring the other flowers, the trees and bushes that had been planted and the way the sun shone down on them.

The weather was so perfectly Haley that it caused him physical pain.

"Dad, you need to put your flowers down and talk too," Jack said, pulling him from his thoughts. Even though his features were completely Haley's, the look Jack got when he was being serious was purely Hotch's.

"Are you done talking?" he asked, trying to work out how long he had been thinking for.

Jack nodded. "Can I go and make sure the other people know that someone cares about them?" That soft and caring part of him, that demanded he save everyone, was both of his parents.

"Of course you can. Don't wander too far though," Hotch said. Jack rolled his eyes, as though his father was being the most unreasonable man in the world and, after blowing one last kiss to his mother, walked away, talking to himself as he went.

Hotch sighed, placed his own bouquet next to Jack's then stepped back. He didn't deserve to sit and be comfortable.

"It's been seven years," he whispered. "It's been two thousand, five hundred and fifty-five days, yet I still remember the day I met you perfectly. Is that weird? I like to think that you still remembered it."

When he looked back, Jack was busy talking to one of the other people that was visiting a grave. Aaron recognised who it was, so he turned back and allowed a few of his own tears to roll down his cheeks. For a few minutes, he could stop pretending that he was fine and just break.

"Haley, I don't know if you can hear me or if heaven is real, but I do know that I am so, so sorry that it was you and not me. And I hate that it was you. If there was a way to go back in time and make sure it was you standing here, I would take it in a heartbeat. You deserved so much better and I am sorry I could not give it to you. So, so sorry."

He had told Haley he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her because he had believed that he would not live long enough to do so, and that his death would be his final act of penance.He had believed that he would be able to save her.

"One day I will earn your forgiveness. One day you will laugh at me for saying all of this, but until that day comes, I will make sure Jack is just like you. Because you were as perfect as a single person could be. And I- I miss you, every single day. I hope, wherever you are, you're happy."

For seven years, he had been making some version of that speech. Only today, it felt different. More important. More painful. And suddenly, he needed to get away. From her grave, from the flowers, from everything.

He went over to Jack, apologised for cutting their conversation short and asked if he was ready to go home. Jack said yes, because that was what his father wanted to hear. The walk home was silent, and when they got back, Jack announced that he was going for a shower. Hotch knew why. He wasn't ready to watch one of the old videos either. Only when the shower started running did Aaron bury his head in the pillow and sob.

Two thousand, five hundred and fifty-five days George Foyet touched him for the last time. The nine scars on his torso would always be there, serving as a permanent reminder of what his failure had caused, preventing him from ever being truly comfortable in his body. But seven years had passed since Foyet's hands had been on his body. Every single cell had been replaced. His touch no longer lingered like a bad smell. Aaron was finally free. Knowing that he had a body that Foyet had not ruined was an indescribable relief.

Foyet's touch had faded into nothing.

But so had Haley's. He could no longer cling to the comfort that knowing a part of her still lived in him provided. He could no longer look at Jack and say that Mom's last hug would forever be a part of him. It would always be in his memory, no matter how fuzzy it was. But it wouldn't be there in the way that counted. Jack would never be able to know what his mother's touch felt like and it was all his fault. Haley was longer part of their bodies.

The final piece of her that was easy to cling to had finally ceased to exist.

Hotch was not sure he could survive anymore. But then the shower stopped running, and Jack emerged in the Captain America pajamas that he still hasn't outgrown from the previous year. And Aaron rubbed his eyes, pretending he was just a little sleepy before following Jack into the living room.

Jack did not want to watch a video. So Hotch made them something light to eat, and then they built a pillow fort. It was then that he told the story of how they met, of how Haley always smiled at his jokes, of how she would make him smile. He told Jack that if he ever wanted to see what his mother's smile had been like, he just needed to look in the mirror.

The stories didn't stop until Jack fell asleep, with his legs dangling off the couch and his head in his father's lap. Aaron knew he would regret it, that his back couldn't handle doing this anymore, but his son looked so peaceful that he refused to move. Instead, he played with Jack's hair. The same way Haley had always played with his own locks.

Seven years was a long time. To Aaron, it passed in the blink of an eye. The day Haley had died, Jack had fallen asleep in his lap, much like he had now. Only then, he had been so small. Fragile. Aaron had been terrified. Now, he was growing into the kindest young man Aaron had ever known. And he was strong. Aaron was still terrified, for different reasons than he had been then.

Haley's touch would never find its way to either of them again. Aaron could accept it as his punishment for letting her get away. For letting her die. But maybe his own gentle touch would be enough for Jack to understand just how much he was loved. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe Jack would never wake up and blame him for his mother's death, instead choosing to be just as good as she had been.

Aaron fell asleep on the couch too. He fell asleep, disappointed and angry with himself for letting her die. But he fell asleep so proud of his son for not losing his softness or kindness. He fell asleep, finding some comfort in the knowledge that although Haley had died well before her time, it had been quick. Painless.

The next day, both father and son would regret sleeping the way they had.

But Jack would go to school and accept the comfort people tried to show him with a gracious smile. He would be secretly grateful that people still cared. And he would know that even if every cell in your body was replaced every seven years, it didn't matter because he still remembered the smell of his mom's perfume. He still remembered what her hugs felt like.

Aaron would return to work, tired and a little worse for the wear, but ready to be the hero his son still believed he was. He would let Penelope hug him for longer than was strictly necessary and find a way to thank Derek for doing his paperwork. And he would find some comfort in knowing that even if this body of his didn't know Haley, it also did not Foyet.

And the BAU would carry the truth of Haley's death to their own graves.

It was the only way forward.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #aaron hotchner #haley hotchner #aaron x haley #jack hotchner #hurt aaron hotchner #sad aaron hotchner #hotch whump #tw death #tw grief #tw religious themes #tw past suicidal thoughts #sumayyah writes cm

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