#I have probably so many disorders | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

solidwater05 · 6 months

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Apparently this needs to be said so

Forgetting things is morally neutral! Memory issues are morally neutral!

You're not a bad person if you...

forget things quickly

forget people

can't remember entire stages of your life

can't remember important things

can remember some things very well and forget other things all the time

can't remember things (or anything!) about your interests

forget to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc

forget to reply to texts

remember things and immediately forget them again

can't remember birthdays, events, etc

frequently answer 'I forgot' to questions

can't retain new information

forget things you used to know

only remember things when it's too late

have vague, distorted and/or unreliable memories

depend on others to know how an event you were in played out

have other symptoms that are worsened by memory issues and vice versa

... and anything else I might have missed!

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moreaugriffins · 6 months

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Every day i just want to write a post that just says "The Brigadier is so damn autistic."

but I then worry about what other people might say if I do that

but fuck it

The Brigadier is so fucking autistic, and nobody can change my mind

#classic doctor who #brigadier lethbridge stewart #'hes just like that because hes a military man' no he's like that because he's autistic and in the military. there's a difference #(please - we see so many soldiers in classic who and he's so different to them)#lack of expressions (especially s7) which caused others to comment his 'lack of emotions' in certain situations (he has commented that he #does in fact feel..)#the constant swagger stick with him (they arent common for soldiers nor officers to have.. havent been since past WW2 i believe) which he f #fiddles with and holds #stickler for the rules and hates disorder (things not being done 'right')#(thinking of the 'rules arent rules for alistair' bit from Daddy Fights Monsters)#his reaction to mushrooms in The Green Death. that's it. that's the point (he just hates mushrooms and so do i)#he's so.. military when he speaks even when speaking to civilians or when he's off duty. ik that's not much of a point but in the military #you're told exactly how to speak and interact with others and to be blunt and clear and to the point with your words. you're saying he does #find comfort in it?#and this man's strong sense of morals! my god. he can have quite black and white thinking in situations (so does 3 which would probably #explain why they butt heads often) and he is insanely stubborn #im sure i'll think of more things as time goes on but this is all i have for now #also im sorry i might be a bit tipsy when posting this but i really need courage lmao

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year

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The phrase 'to carry a child' is to me such an unbearably tender description. You're carrying it? Nurturing and protecting it? Freely giving it what it needs until it is ready for birth? 'Going to have a baby' speaks of the hope of promise, but 'carrying a baby' gives the same implication to me, only with an added beauty of what is happening immediately as well as the future.

#midwifery #i just i have so many feelings about pregnancy and babies and women and motherhood #and i want it #i unironically think 'this would fix me' about certain things #like one of the things we get taught about is how to approach and what to avoid when dealing (specifically antenatally tho we'll go into it #more when we learn specifically about postnatal care which is next semester) with women with a history of eating disorders #specifically anorexia but also any other one. obvs yo ube more careful around weight and potentially watch her more closely because #pregnancy can trigger relapses for obvious reasons #but also there are plenty of cases where pregnancy helps #in some cases it is literally what helps them to recover from an active eating disorder #i don't know the intersection between pregnancy and eating disorders is so interesting to me #honestly if i were to go into research in any way that would probably be my preferred field of research #there are many things that make me go absolutely feral and midwifery is a field that does that to me so much

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databent · 3 months

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why the fuck is it that some people cant seem to acknowledge that people can just... be disabled. not through any fault of their own, not because something "happened" to them, just because, you know, sometimes people have disabilities. like, come on

#.pdf #rd #kd #just a warning these tags are long. like. really incredibly long. i had thoughts.#sorry for the vague ass post i'm just upset about some stupid shit my dad said yesterday.#namely: outright telling me that he doesn't believe i have non-24 (circadian rhythm disorder).#and that even if i do he doesn't believe it's possible for it to actually be a lifelong and disabling condition.#*also: this post isn't meant to imply that disabilities that did have some inciting incident are more accepted or anything.#it's just that i'm frustrated with the “you're disabled? why? what happened?” sentiment a lot of people seem to have.#nothing happened to cause my disability. i'm just like this. no i can't change it. what the fuck do you want me to tell you?#i'd guess it probably has to do with society's focus on work and productivity and career-mindedness above all else.#and when someone comes along that doesn't fit in with the way things are structured it just doesn't compute.#because the idea of people who can't dedicate their entire lives to working is so fundamentally contradictory to their view of... i don't-#-know. meaning in life? fulfillment? that they feel a need to reject the possibility altogether.#this is mainly when dealing with invisible disabilities from what i've seen. because i think there's a tendency to view visibly disabled-#-people as belonging to a different category altogether. which of course is its own issue but i'm not visibly disabled so i don't feel-#-like it's necessarily my place to speak on that.#anyway. i just want my struggles to be acknowledged as real. because they are. and i need people to understand that I Have A Disability.#albeit one many people don't even believe could be real because there's a sort of belief that circadian rhythms are purely a product of-#-external forces like sunlight so “you can't possibly have yours be different and have you tried just going outside more?” sigh.#sorry i also just remembered my dad telling me he doesn't believe i can have something so rare because the chances of having it are too low.#which is some ridiculous logic to me. rare doesn't mean it's impossible. some amount of people have to wind up with it regardless.#i just lucked out i guess.#n24 tag

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moontropy · 29 days

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updated Le Spreadsheet today and DC has finally been dethroned in terms of individual fics read everyone say thank you homestuck. also starting to see an interesting pattern emerge with my monthly word count but its too early to say anything for certain about that. spreadsheet continues to fill me with joy and whimsy

#spreadsheet also continues to display my Problems Disorders but who cares about that im having fun #personal #spreadsheetposting #next year i will probably add a counter for words per fandom since the fics per fandom doesnt inherently mean leading in word count #since even before it dethroned DC homestuck was definitely clearing in the word count category #i cant wait to build next years sheet i have so many ideas to make it Better AND i definitely need to teach myself some new stuff for it

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per-the-jellicle-magician · 1 month

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I wanna draw so bad but in the grand competition for my energy drawing keeps losing to the long reigning champion: crocheting

#I've got so many ideas and my brain's itching to draw #but i just dont know how to prioritise it over crochet when the latter is easier to do when im tired #and im tired a lot since it started getting warmer #plus drawing just takes a ton of my mental energy #probably something about me being amateur‚ not used to it and getting quickly tired cuz all the decision making and stuff #i know it'll probably improve with practice but rn i get tired just looking at my pencils #wanted to start learning digital but yeah nah #is it autistic burnout? is it seasonal affective disorder in summer? is it some possible fatigue problems? who knows not me #im just frustrated with it #also also market season is starting and last year i only did fall ones and after 3rd i was scrambling to make stuff and it was a lot #i wanted to build up a stash of stuff now so i dont have to scramble and wreck my hands with crocheting later #I have a bunch of plans for what i want to crochet to sell but so far ive only had the energy for making the easiest thing i over and over #lucky for me its a quick pattern and i like it a lot‚ it sells and i dont even have to undercharge myself for it #but still #dont have probelms with energy guys it sucks so much #just venting #personal

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danielnelsen · 2 months

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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

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oscill4te · 5 months

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link to this article... it is very good. its written by someone who lives with DID but i think it can be helpful for anyone who deals with structural dissociation. "The parts of the personality form together to create a unified, meaningful whole... And I, and all my parts, want to write some great prose with my life. Parts are not the problem: parts coming together are the solution."

#just thinking about some past therapists. hmm.#i think its a sign that a T does not know much about dissociative disorders if they expect you to have overt presentation #its not a circus show. most people with dissociative disorders probably lead relatively boring lives- most are freeze types after all.#parts all represent something important to you- a survival skill. a chain of memories. schema with its own thoughts and memories + feelings #a lot of dissociation is the hiding and fragmentation of self/knowledge/memories under many layers and barriers.#but its also easy to get so lost into that.. you are more than parts... you are the sum of them.. ur also a part of this great big world #thats why this article is so good. pathologization of dissociative disorders is #a big issue. its so so easy to fall into it. its so easy. you see it a lot especially online; and im working on this myself.#txt #osdd

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us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2 · 3 months

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uhh

#Today I realise I probably have a eating disorder #no I’m not starving or eating too much I just #have bouts of food insecurity #and horrible horrible parents I hate them so much <3 #anyway I slowly realized that I’ve been more than happy to go without food for extended periods of time #and that my fast/slow eating and ARFID tendencies have mixed together in a horrible fashion #I’ve gone days without proper meals. I’ve gone so so many days without proper meals #I never realized that eating disorders could be related to inconsistent food access #I don’t claim to have any sorta normal type it’s a fucked up me thing #But it’s so fucked. I shouldn’t feel that any meal that’s “edible” to me is the only meal I’ll have for days #it’s just. So fucked. Starving is preferred to eating something disgusting #and these days that becoming more and more #I can’t become sick of beef I can’t if I start retching if I start getting sick #i’ll starve again #I just don’t want to anymore #I just don’t want to. I want to not worry anymore I want to never worry again #but I can’t I don’t know if I’ll have a proper meal I don’t know if tomorrow is the same #I tried so hard today and it wasn’t enough.#if I mess up one meal I don’t think anyone will eat well #and that’s exactly what happened again. And again and again #the utter despair that coursed through me as I knew no one would be able to eat #the sobs that racked me. And yet false promises from my father and yet again I’m exhausted #I’m made of plastic I’m strong but bend me the wrong way and I break #and today was that. I hate that I do these things I should be able to feed my family #but I can’t I let them down. I eat too much because I don’t know when I’ll have food next #I cry at wasting good leftovers because I don’t know if I can eat the next meal #and every single day I feel this deep shame for buying food for myself that’s more that 5$#I am so scared of not being able to eat again. Because it’s happened so often in my life #from when I was little to when I’m an adult #I can’t afford to get sick of beef I can’t I just can’t. If it happens I’ll starve worse than I did before

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0809sysblings · 4 months

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idk why I'm posting this here but it's fine because I can do whatever I want. sorry I think I'm having an enneagram type 1 moment. it's not mental illness, it's because of my enneagram type! can't help being a Gemini Enneagram Type 1

also I keep using the amulet's powers so I've been being hit with the after effects. such power deranges a man /ref

#milgran't #type 1 momence #btw as a prefacw this is not directed at anyone here. this is just. a thing. that is everywhere.#ok. anyway.#the....... Exotification of DID/OSDD-1... is always so annoying.#and like. i get it. i understand. its probably a difficult thing for many ppl to actually comprehend as a real human experience #which brings me to the main point of this Pussy-Rant (ranting in tags bc im a pussy)#i think. the main reasom its So Exotified. is. '''''''MPD''''''''#serioisky that name has done. so much fucking damage its insane. absolute wack shit #anyway yeah. like. the concept of it being Multiple People In One Body/Brain... when like... that's.. not really whats going on..#like if youre a system and that's how you understand your system to be. then power to you. i dont care do literally whatever #its just. i think CDDs would be a LOT easier for people to understand if--#--it was not looked at as the Multiple People Disorder. but instead as the Fucking Extreme Compartmentalization Disorder #idk its just annoying seein ppl (who are probably very well meaning!) talk about the disorder i experience as if its bizarre and fantastical #~look wooooowwww this is something that can happen to the brain due to The Most Unreal And Most Traumatic Events!! crazy right?~#i am going to get the Evil Alter out here so he can beat you to death.#like yeah its fucking. sad and fucked up what has to happen to develop a CDD. and that should be acknowledged.#and many systems Have had to go through experiences that a lot of ppl can only fathom as being able to happen in fiction.#but.... its just so isolating and makes me feel Capital C Crazy 🥴#dear lord ive just been so irritable and frustrated lately... obligatory apologies.#ah. i think i suddenly figured out why this in particular triggers me so much.#god damn it it's always the fucking trauma huh!#<- spent basically all of elementary school and middle school feeling like there was a giant sign over my head that said--#--''this poor soul went through something so tragic! how awful to think that something that serious could happen to just a little kid!''#its the ''hey can you stop treating me as something helpless that needs to be fixed and just treat me like A Fucking Person'' feelings #but see this disorder is just so beautiful because in a week i may be wanting ppl to see me as a suffering freak who needs to be fixed #or hell even fucking tomorrow. who knows not me #.. ok im actually genuinely afraid talkimg about this is going to lead to her gettinf triggered out KDJSNKDJSNJD so im gonna. stop.

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arcaneyouth · 10 months

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You're so real for the kin posts, btw. I'm not a kinnie but I was for a while, and the one time I was open about it on main I got shit on so I kept that private and only within a small friendgroup who also kinned. I *did* end up having DID, but that's a different matter lol. It's just rude people shit on others for doing stuff that isn't hurting others

literally if its not hurting anyone, no one should be made fun of. it is so fucking horrible that its normal to make fun of people for it. there ARE times when it might be harmful, either to themselves or to others (remember no doubles. remember how wild that was. that was fucked), but even then there is no fucking reason to make fun of the beliefs. kinning is valid as hell!!!!!! i hope you still managed to have fun while you were kinning!

#asks #i consider kinning to be a religious thing for me personally so im gonna make a religion comparison because it is like that to me #but if you know its not socially acceptable to make fun of people for their religious beliefs but you turn around and make fun of someone #who believes in a 'more cringey' form of reincarnation. i think that is hypocritical #even if its not religious or spiritual for someone like it is for me hey maybe just dont be mean?????#also on the topic of mental illness and this #i dont think its bad to maybe double check with someone that their kin stuff isnt like psychosis or did or anything #i think reminding someone to check in with themself and get help if they end up needing it is fine #(probably? i do not have any psychotic or did/similar disorders if i phrased that wrong i apologize)#but i DO think its a problem if someone HAS thought about that and concluded they do not have those things #and you INSIST they must have mental disorders #thats just fucking weird.#i have checked in with myself on this many times. i have no symptoms of anything. it was fucked up that #someone was so insistant about it they basically diagnosed me with did while ignoring me explaining my experiences #THATS fucked up as hell #just fucking be normal about peoples beliefs #everything within reason.

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brechtian · 2 years

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so so funny I went to read the handbook on narcissism and npd in an effort to learn more about the disorder & it’s complexities from specialists and what I learned instead is that NOBODY CAN AGREE on what it means AT ALL or anything else about it!!!!!

#rant in tags but an interesting one if u like psychology #don’t get me wrong the handbook IS from 2011 so it’s been over a decade but also it’s still considered like the primary text on npd and I #get the feeling the same debates are probably still going on #like I wish u all could understand. basically the only thing anyone seems to agree on is that the dsm IV (and considering the criteria for #diagnosis changed almost not at all between IV and V I imagine this still holds true)#is a BAD tool for diagnosing it. like the categorical model of diagnosis just doesn’t work well for personality disorders #plus the actual criteria listed for npd and many other pds in the dsm just straight up are not well grounded in actual scientific research #abt the disorders #and that’s what they agree on. as for the rest #NOBODY agrees on what inventories or models are effective & accurate NOBODY agrees on what the actual symptoms are beyond self #aggrandizement there’s a huge debate over whether there are subtypes of npd and if so what are they #and of those who DO believe in subtypes the most popular theory is grandiose vs vulnerable but THEN there’s a whole debate about THEM #bc some psychologists consider them two separate manifestations while others say that ppl with npd vacillate between the two states #and nobody can conclusively link self esteem with npd in any meaningful way other than that diagnosed ppl usually have higher surface level #self esteem but the whole concept of whether the narcisstic persona is a defense mechanism or just a delusion nobody can agree on or prove #and if ur wondering where the line is drawn between trait narcissism and npd ? buddy I’ve got bad news for you NOBODY KNOWS #like trait narcissism and npd are categorically two different things but the practical reality of someone with high trait narcissism vs npd #is just like. shrugs #and also high trait narcissism usually means scored high on the npi but hey guess what the npi has been HUGELY criticized and nobody can al #agree on how accurate it is!!#I could go on forever but u get the idea like. if you asked three different specialists in npd how they would define the disorder you would #VERY LIKELY get three completely different answers #and now. if ur sitting there wondering #hey wait a minute #but if the DSM V the official guideline for psychiatric evaluation infamously are not a good framework to diagnose pds or npd #AND if all other sources and experts have conflicting opinions #then WHAT is this disorder and HOW is it consistently diagnosed #AND IM WONDERING THE SAME DAMN THING!!!

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sighing-and-all · 8 months

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i thjnk im going to explode

#not to kind of bare my entire soul in the tags but ive been constantly questioning what the fuck is going on with me.#im pretty sure I’m schizospec so that’s one thing; along w the psychosis #delusions #and liiike a number of negative symptoms and shit #i don’t know if those fall into either schizotypal or schizoid or full on schizophrenia.#i do also know that a number of my symptoms do fall in line with a number of cluster b and c shit #that much I know of #BUT #here’s the thing.#ive still questioned if i was a system for a number of years #and i DO know that i don’t have did.#and im sure i don’t think my experiences are aligned w dpdr & disassociative disorder (but I’ll probably try to do some more research!)#but idk if my experiences concerning plurality align w pdid or osdd1b #the more I look at other people’s experiences - that people tend to mix up emotional amnesia and NO AMNESIA IN THE DSM-5.#it’s a bit confusing…#osdd1b usually means that there is a distinction of parts though. NO amnesia though!#and for pdid - it means that there’s usually 1 person at front #with of course minimal switching from other parts I suppose.#(explodes)#ive been trying to think about many many things lol #and constantly doubting my own experiences… which made things worse lolll #i feel like I need someone to talk to this about it!!! But!!! im worried I won’t be really taken immensely seriously bahahahah

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gibbearish · 8 months

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also does anyone know a good meal/drink tracker app

#every one i can find so far is like 'track your calories to the dot' and i Do Not Want That #i do not have an eating disorder afaik but for a long time ive kinda. idk how to describe it right but its like i can feel #one lurking in the shadows waiting for me to cross an invisible line #and i feel like calorie counting would probably end up tipping that scale so i want to avoid that #i just want like. a widgit that lets me hit one button and put down 'beefy five layer and a soda' and call it a day #like the tumblr post widgit kinda?? idk #no one told me pelvic floor therapy would include tracking what goes in and out of me but so it goes ig JWBFKSBDKS #/tmi warning #/ed mention #/eating disorder mention #and like i know i could track it in like. a notes app note but i have So Many of those already and cannot consistently keep things #where theyre supposed to be so that would fall apart so fast lmao #same with lile tracking it in a physical journal #the longest ive been able to use anything like that consistently is like. two weeks max and then it just evaporates #from my brain

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babisawyer · 1 year

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very brave of the yellowjackets writers to be like 'hey, what if eating your friend was a bad thing?'

#🐇#yellowjackets #I appreciate it though loved the opening scene love the aftermath of last week #I don't understand nat though like rip jackie you might be what helps us survive the winter #like maybe if you had kept some leftovers but you gobbled her up in one sitting #the whole bird thing happened but I doubt nat will make the connection there like lottie surely will #I'd also imagine now that ben can finally eat because of the birds but he might be passively suicidal like jackie was #and we know how that went. he should've quit his job and had indoor heating someone that loves him and gay sex #I still really hate the adult timeline. I love jeff and lottie's stuff is getting interesting but that's about it #I'm kinda wondering if lottie will start the cannibal rituals now after the hive vision at the end #idk I think I'm traumatized from other shows trying to shock people so I need to make theories #and I think maybe with this show the simplest explanation is the answer so I'm trying not to make theories #even though I think antler queen jackie would be so fun like it's probably just lottie #also needs to be said I dislike misty and showtunes even more now the girls should have probably had them for brunch already #and also I'm like convinced that shauna has a personality disorder like I won't say she didn't have feelings for jackie #but like she wanted to be jackie more than she wanted to be with jackie #there are many other reasons but yeah totally sure of it now #anyway I could probably say more but I have to start packing! so goodbye for now!

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byakuyasdarling · 7 months

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can’t deal with the fact people glorify anxiety,,, like yes the disorder that literally keeps me from normal functioning and is detrimental to my physical and mental health is so cutesy and so easy to live with and I can totally sleep at night and I don’t get massively painful ulcer flare-ups when I’m stressed (it is literally debilitating) panic attacks are quirky! /s

I don’t have repetitive thought cycles that make me constantly worry and exhaust me throughout the day from a whole other disorder that’s exasperated by my anxiety! It’s so pleasant in both of these ways! I love when people think me flapping my hands is so cutesy when it’s totally not a sign of distress for the most part /SARCASM

I have no clue why anyone would want to fake something I am so desperate to get rid of. Like this is not fun — especially when so many people close to me in my life atm have this strong image of me that I hate living up to.

Though I will say that most likely, even people who fake disorders do have something bad going on and is symptomatic of broader issues (there’s literally a term for this, I forgot) — so I’m not going to go haywire at confused and hurting children. Though their actions are ignorant and can romanticise what living with these things is actually like and diminish other people’s struggles — I’m fairly sure they’re too young and confused to properly process that and I doubt it’s malicious the majority of the time. You’re just going to further push them into boxes by harassing them.

#I usually just suffer in silence and deal with it but even with coping mechanisms it’s extremely hard to control #like it’s 1am here and I have to wake up in 5 hours for work and I’m still not well and I just hate my anxiety because I’m thinking of so -#- many bad things. even when I rationalised it and spoke to people I’m still nervous and upset.#I will clarify my ‘other disorder’ is not formally diagnosed — my anxiety and depression are though.#(the ‘other disorder’ was just identified as ‘highly probable’ from my therapist. that’s why I don’t speak of it in direct terms)#i would also like to say I would deal with it and my sensory issues so much easier if it wasn’t for anxiety and depression. I could be very-#- functional with it. (I know because I was once there LOL)#Dysthymia does run in the family but mine is listed as MDD (clinical depression or Major Depressive Disorder I think).#I can’t remember if they actually specified my anxiety on my record but I know my therapist generally points to GAD.#I’m talking like a weirdo again but it’s just comforting to actually say this out loud because I never do #I am literally employed as having no mental neurodivergency so I can’t really speak about it at work #but I think people kind of just figure it out I’m a little off. or very off.#vent tw #tw vent #// ask to tag

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