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#get the feeling the same debates are probably still going on
blorbologist · 2 days
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🖤💚
for the unpopular opinions asks
:DD Thank you! You get Percy rambles because that's where the brain goes past midnight <3
🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?
Very, very quietly: my yearly reminder to everyone that Percy knew what he was doing when he invented Gun. The entire character concept, per Taliesin, is 'what the fuck could motivate someone to make something this awful'. He did not invent Gun to free Whitestone, he did not invent Gun to rid the world of terrible evil, he invented Gun because he was a terrified and hurt and furious teenager who did not care what consequences there were to his actions so long as he maybe, possibly, might be able to kill some of the people responsible for his family's deaths. Once it does hit him that he will have to live with the consequences, that others will live with this same pain because of the havoc firearms can sow, he definitely feels awful! And wants to undo it as best he can! But it remains that he was a deeply selfish character.
And still is! No Mercy Percy is a fun meme and all, but he really leans into a lot of needless cruelty when he's scrambling for control. Which pops up again even after the Briarwoods arc is all done with - he is absolutely furious at Scanlan and some of what he mildly brings up to Vex is horrifying shit to say you'd do to a friend.
Anyways he's perfectly in character in C3 and I will die on this hill. And get raised as an undead by Delilah because PERCY WAS FUCKING RIGHT ABOUT THE WHOLE THING -
💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?
OK, so I know we (by we I mean me) all love to point at Percy and go 'this man is autistic please let him infodump about the Feywild/clocks/engineering stupid dragon traps'. But there is a really good reason why everyone was shocked by his backstory reveal in C1, and why he's got so few lines in the first two episodes of TLOVM, and that's because he's pretty fucking quiet. And it's something I didn't fully appreciate until recently, so it's really understandable how often it trips people up!
The main thing is that while Lord de Rolo is usually a man of few words, those words are fucking bangers. While a lot of Vax's famous lines tend to be part of a long Shakespearian ramble (which I love), Percy, as a Taliesin character, is a master of the one-liner. Which tends to get over-represented in our memory compared to how often he says very little at all!
Percy often gets wordy when he has a space to do so (a debate with Keyleth, a bit of Whitestone lore Taliesin wants to yell about, nerding out with Tary who is importantly nerding out right back)... and when he's talking to Vex. God he will not shut up when he's one-on-one with Vex. In his conversations with other characters (Vax and Keyleth namely) he usually keeps his input short unless he's doing some arguing. But with Vex? Just won't stop.
So while I do think infodumping can be compliant with canon Percy, he needs to either be doing it in tandem with someone else (he and Keyleth or Tary being little weirdos), he has to have a solid excuse to indulge in it and feel justified, or he and Vex are alone. (Cass can probably get him to infodump, but given her nature as an NPC there isn't much textual evidence alas.)
Ask me about my unpopular opinions!
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m4nj1r0s · 12 hours
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Ran Haitani relationship headcannons
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- Was probably only using you for entertainment, and was 100% planning on leaving you after about a month.
- Since you two weren’t serious in his mind, mf was a MENACE.
- Got you a COLD pack when you were on your period and had cramps.
- Like my Hanma post, gives bad girl advice to Rindou.
- “Girls prefer cold packs when they’re on their period, it helps the cramps.”
- Like a week before he was going to break up with you, he noticed a rival of his making lovey-dovey eyes at you. He postponed breaking up with you just to spite his rival.
- Was extra affectionate with you if he ever saw the guy JUST to be petty to the max but he found himself doing it privately too. And.. he liked it. Rindou helped him come to the conclusion he genuinely liked you!!
- But now you can’t leave him, ever :(
- You guys have dates where you just nap together. I’m not talking like you just came over and you two were bored so you took a nap. No, no, no like this is an actual PLANNED date. It’s marked on his calendar and everything as ‘date night’ with a bunch of hearts made with red sharpie. Ran probably gets Rindou to go out so you guys can have some peace and quiet.
- “Isn’t this nice, baby?”
- “I can feel you trying to interlock our toes.”
- Probably took Rindou a while to warm up to you, but the real ice breaker is when Rindou came home drunk whilst Ran was asleep so you guys played video games and did karaoke.
- Ran wanted to tear his hair out at Rindou’s singing but he said yours was like a lullaby. 🤗
- Probably has a picture of Nahoya and Souya that he throws darts at in his room. 😭😭
- If you’re shorter than him, he loves putting things you need on a high shelf so you have to ask him to get it.
- And he does this whilst you’re using it. ☹️
- Backfires when you just ask Rindou..
- Expects you to have his picture as your lock screen and refuses to put yours as his. His lock screen is a picture of his bed.
- When you got upset he refused to have your picture as his lock screen, he tried to make it up to you by taping a picture of you to his fighting baton.
- “This is practically the same thing, actually, it’s better! Would you rather I tape it to my uniform instead??”
- He’s genuinely asking.
- You’re saved in his phone as smth like “Honeycomb suckle sugar plum pumpkin pie ❤️💜🤍🤎💚🧡💝😫”
- Wants to learn a new language with you just so you guys can talk about stuff without Rindou eavesdropping (I hc Rindou has a bad habit of this).
- He is IMPOSSIBLE to wake up, like you could try everything and he would still be fast asleep.
- Literally the only thing that makes him wake up is the smell of breakfast or any food in general
- Has a black hole as a stomach (metaphorically)
- It’s cute since you guys can have that thing together where if you can’t finish your food he will just finish it for you :)
- Type of guy to lay on his side with a rose in his mouth and his head propped up with his hand when you come home from work or whatever with careless whisper playing on in the background
- Backfires when he cuts his lip with a thorn 😭
- “I’m never doing this romantic shit again.”
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I was debating making this a yandere hc post but it feels more of a normal one
It’s a pretty short hc post but I’m back now 🤭
And I will get to requests that are already in my ask box in the next few weeks, since it’s close to exam season for me 😓
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brechtian · 2 years
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so so funny I went to read the handbook on narcissism and npd in an effort to learn more about the disorder & it’s complexities from specialists and what I learned instead is that NOBODY CAN AGREE on what it means AT ALL or anything else about it!!!!!
#rant in tags but an interesting one if u like psychology#don’t get me wrong the handbook IS from 2011 so it’s been over a decade but also it’s still considered like the primary text on npd and I#get the feeling the same debates are probably still going on#like I wish u all could understand. basically the only thing anyone seems to agree on is that the dsm IV (and considering the criteria for#diagnosis changed almost not at all between IV and V I imagine this still holds true)#is a BAD tool for diagnosing it. like the categorical model of diagnosis just doesn’t work well for personality disorders#plus the actual criteria listed for npd and many other pds in the dsm just straight up are not well grounded in actual scientific research#abt the disorders#and that’s what they agree on. as for the rest#NOBODY agrees on what inventories or models are effective & accurate NOBODY agrees on what the actual symptoms are beyond self#aggrandizement there’s a huge debate over whether there are subtypes of npd and if so what are they#and of those who DO believe in subtypes the most popular theory is grandiose vs vulnerable but THEN there’s a whole debate about THEM#bc some psychologists consider them two separate manifestations while others say that ppl with npd vacillate between the two states#and nobody can conclusively link self esteem with npd in any meaningful way other than that diagnosed ppl usually have higher surface level#self esteem but the whole concept of whether the narcisstic persona is a defense mechanism or just a delusion nobody can agree on or prove#and if ur wondering where the line is drawn between trait narcissism and npd ? buddy I’ve got bad news for you NOBODY KNOWS#like trait narcissism and npd are categorically two different things but the practical reality of someone with high trait narcissism vs npd#is just like. shrugs#and also high trait narcissism usually means scored high on the npi but hey guess what the npi has been HUGELY criticized and nobody can al#agree on how accurate it is!!#I could go on forever but u get the idea like. if you asked three different specialists in npd how they would define the disorder you would#VERY LIKELY get three completely different answers#and now. if ur sitting there wondering#hey wait a minute#but if the DSM V the official guideline for psychiatric evaluation infamously are not a good framework to diagnose pds or npd#AND if all other sources and experts have conflicting opinions#then WHAT is this disorder and HOW is it consistently diagnosed#AND IM WONDERING THE SAME DAMN THING!!!
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depresseddepot · 8 months
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trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once
#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate.#anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day#i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'')#and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on''#and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat#but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand#first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well.#secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex#thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds#i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at#so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well !#i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me#but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time#so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex?#is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance?#or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous#did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes#but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute#this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty''#which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!!#and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this#i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive#and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually#i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other#and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive#which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!!#how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much#but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me#i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me)#i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could
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peachesofteal · 5 months
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Light On - single mom/neighbors fic Simon Riley/female reader 🎄 @glitterypirateduck’s December challenge: O Christmas Tree
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"What about this one?"
You're standing next to a giant tree, one that's probably double your height. "It's a little big but-"
"I don't know if that will fit in your flat, sweetheart." You huff, hands on your hips, and Emmaline wiggles where she's snuggled against him, tucked up on his chest inside his arms. You've got her in some sort of snow suit, like a baby marshmallow, capped with a red knit hat that ties under chin to keep the ear flaps down, and even though she clearly hates it, and looks a little ridiculous, he knows the whole thing is keeping her warm in tonight's frigid weather.
"Okay. What about this one?" The one you're pointing to now is smaller, but sparse, a little prickly looking. He shakes his head. "You don't like any of them!" You protest, and Emma grunts, babbling some sort of nonsense.
"'m just doing what the boss here is telling me to do." She looks up at him, eyes bright with a little bit of snot beneath her nose, and he wipes it away with his thumb. "There you go, baby girl. I gotcha."
"She's not the boss." You step close with a shiver, close enough that he can see the fog of your breath, peek of your neck beneath your scarf, and he reaches out to pad his fingertips across your chilled cheek.
"Cold?" You shrug.
"A little." You dip forward to give Emma a quick kiss on the cheek, and at the same time, he ducks down, pressing his lips to the crown of your head. He's never going to get used to this. Never. Even now, in this moment, he can't believe he's walking a tree lot with you, debating which one to choose. Him. Simon Ghost Riley, picking out a Yule tree with you and the baby. His family.
There's a bang in the street. A car backfiring, probably, but it's enough that it startles someone else on the lot, and they shout, the combination like a shot of adrenaline to his heart, focus and intensity taking over, his movements shifting to autopilot. His hand covers Emma's head, curling forward at the same as he tugs you into his body with a firm arm around your back, essentially immobilizing you, keeping you close in case- "Simon." You say his name softly, gently, fingers holding onto his forearm. The touch grounds him, reminds him to breathe, and he relaxes slightly. "It's alright. We're okay, we're at the Christmas tree place. You're okay. You're with us." With you. With you and Emmaline. At home. He closes his eyes, repeating it in his mind, twice, three times, for good measure, before he trusts enough to uncover the baby's head and let go of you completely. You smile when he does, bright, beautiful, sweet, still working you touch against his arm, not stepping away.
"I'm sorry." He tries to explain, but you shake it off.
"Don't be. It's okay." You loop your arm through his, sticking close to his side. "Want to keep looking?" You ask, nonchalant, and he's overcome with emotion so strong it could bring him to his knees.
"Yeah, but I... I want..." he stumbles over it, words failing, and you wait, patiently, turning into him so you can look up at his face.
"What is it?" Holiday lights glow behind you, twinkling colors mixed with frosted whites, strung together across trees and posts and big red and green signs, 'O Christmas Tree' playing over the speakers that line the perimeter. He's never been one for holidays, never really cared about any of it, all the excitement lost on him, most of the celebrated days spent alone. But now... with you, with the baby, he feels the magic. He thinks he can even see it, in you, in Emmaline, and he's filled to the brim with the wonder, the anticipation for it all, to experience it all for the first time like this, with his angels.
"I want to kiss you." He says the same words he gave you a week ago, outside on the balcony, and you give you him the same smile, warm and welcoming, lips curling upwards with happiness.
"Please." You beam, and he obliges, your lips parting for his, getting lost in the taste of your mouth, decadent honey dripping across his tongue. You make him dizzy, make him stupid, make him so weak for you, and all he wants is more. He wants it all, wants everything you'd give him, and he has to hold himself back, cognizant of Emma in his arms, pulling away regretfully after five seconds that could last five hours, or days. Years. You clear your throat. "Well, okay, uh- should we?" You motion to another row of trees, and he nods with a laugh.
"We should."
Later, after the tree has been decorated, dinner has been made and cleaned up, fire started in the fireplace, Emmaline has had her bath, and you've changed into your pajamas, he sits on your couch with you curled into his side, both you and the baby asleep. It's late, and the lights are out, and he thinks he probably should have woken you to get you both up into bed, but he can't bring himself to shatter the moment, the silence, the fire, and the sounds of your breathing, face barely illuminated by the glow of the lights. He stays right there, listening to the crackle of the logs, staring at the tree, watching the two of you breathe, heart so full he thinks it could explode. This is it, he thinks. This is the magic.
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Okay time for the PBS Kids essay
Read it under the cut!
:readmore:
In 1968, before there was PBS Kids proper, there was Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. While it came several decades before the children’s block, it laid the foundation for the themes and values present in every facet of the network’s history.
Mr. Roger famously hated children’s programming at the time. To him, it all was droll and useless. But he didn’t dissuade the medium entirely— he saw potential. Potential that led to a few smaller television jobs, and eventually the creation of Mr. Roger’s neighborhood.
Rogers didn’t invent educational TV for children, but he did perfect it. He poured real heart and soul into probably the most sincere, heartfelt program in history.
Honestly, he could have his own essay. The more things you learn about the real man of Mr. Rogers, the more you’ll like him.
Anyway, the biggest thing that makes PBS different is the fact that it earns money through grants, fundraisers, and private donors— not through sponsorships and merchandise sales. This way, PBS Kids can push programming that it feels is important, rather than programming that merely sells well.
This also means PBS is less afraid of pushing social boundaries. Money doesn’t go away when their shows become subjects of debate— and Mr. Rogers took full advantage of this.
For context, this was 1969. The Jim Crow era had just barely, barely ended. Pool segregation was still very much legal.
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Mr. Rogers sharing a pool and a towel with the Black Mr. Clemmons was a pretty big deal at the time— especially on a show made for children.
Rogers was far from the untouchable sacred cow of today. When he was alive, he had a large number of detractors. Let’s just say that scene didn’t fly nicely by everyone.
Just one year after the debut of Mr. Roger’s came Sesame Street.
While Mr. Roger’s was made for all children, Sesame Street had the explicit goal of supplementing the education of underserved communities— especially inner-city Black (and later Latino) children.
While it was made to be accessible to children of all races and income levels, they definitely went the extra mile to make it something special for inner-city Black and Brown kids. (Why do you think it it’s “Sesame Street” and not “Sesame Cul-de-Sac”?)
At the time, a wholesome, sweet show set in a brownstone street was practically unheard of.
Jon Stone, the casting director, deliberately sought to make the cast as rich with color as he possibly could, bringing on a huge amount of Black talent such as Loretta Long, Matt Robinson, and Kevin Clash, as well as featuring Black celebrities as guest stars. Later, the show would expand its horizons, bringing on actors from Latino, Asian, Native American, and many more backgrounds.
White actors were and still are a minority on show.
In addition to letters and numbers, the purpose of Sesame Street is clear: make kids of color know that they’re smart, beautiful, and loved.
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It doesn’t get more explicit than this.
I want to point out this comment because it’s funny
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You’re telling me this bitch isn’t Hispanic???
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Anyway, these two were followed up by Reading Rainbow in 1983. And guess what?
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That’s right. Non-white focus.
These three shows, (along with other, lesser-known programs like Lamb-Chops Play Along, Newton’s Apple, and Shining Times Station (who featured Ringo Starr himself?? seriously how did that happen and why does no one talk about it) and some other nostalgic favorites like Bill Nye the Science guy, The Magic Schoolbus, Arthur, and Thomas the Tank Engine) aired on the new PTV block, which evolved into PBS Kids in 1999, bringing along Between the Lions, Dragon Tales, and many more.
Arthur is another stand-out that I’d like to talk about— it doesn’t have the same racial focus of Sesame Street, but it does focus on different income levels. The characters have various housing situations, from apartments to mansions to no home at all.
It also takes cues from Sesame Street and Mr. Roger’s in regards to talking about tough topics, though as Arthur has a slightly older target audience, it discusses things through stories rather than talking directly to the audience.
Cancer, religion, workplace discrimination, along with current (at the time) events such as 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina are all discussed on the show.
Another big focus on Arthur is disability. For once, they don’t stick a character in a wheelchair and then pretend he’s not in a wheelchair. A striking number of major characters either develop or get diagnosed with physical disabilities and/or neurodivergences, such as asthma, severe food allergies, and dyslexia, and they deal with them in very realistic ways.
A handful of minor characters have more obvious disabilities, and THANK GOD they go beyond the trite messaging of “disabled people can do everything abled people can do! everyone clap now!”
One episode in particular has the awesome message of “holy shit stop trying to help me all the time— it’s patronizing as fuck. I can get around just fine without you stepping on eggshells and trying to be the hero all the fucking time”
There are sooo many other shows I could talk about, but I can’t write about them all. I’m definitely gonna point out some more standout ones, though.
Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat
Created by Chinese-American woman Amy Tang
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Dragonfly TV
Features a multitude of female and non-white scientists to foster an interest in science with kids in those groups
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Maya & Miguel
One of the network’s first Hispanic-led shows
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SciGirls
I shouldn’t have to explain what the goal of this one was.
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Molly of Denali
When was the last time you saw a show that treated Native Americans as people? Much less a children’s show? 90% of the cast is Athabascan, and the show revolves around Athabascan culture, not shying away from topics like boarding schools and modern-day racism. Most of the writers are also Athabascan, and the show even has an official Gwich’in dub!
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It’s this commitment to real, authentic social justice that makes PBS Kids so much different from its competitors. Could you imagine the Paw Patrol dog looking at the camera and earnestly discussing what happened to George Floyd? I don’t think so— but Arthur talked specifically about it, Sesame Street did an hour long special about race in general, and the network itself made a 30 minute special.
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Disney Jr. could never. (Other than trying to teach colorblindness, of course.)
I’m gonna have to cut this into two parts, since I just hit the image limit
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lnfours · 7 months
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all mine | l.n
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summary: friends with benefits situations are all fun and games until someone starts catching feelings.
warnings: language, sexual themes, fluff, kinda fwb!au, college student!reader, idk this kinda sucks
masterlist | listen
₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊
the two of you had been up for an hour or so, way before the sun had started to rise and shine in through the windows of his bedroom. the same sun that lit up the boy in front of you so perfectly that he almost looked angelic. the way his eyes shone in the lighting, the mix of blue and green suddenly entrancing you as he hovered over you.
your hands came up to run through his messy curls. you smiled softly at the fact that the soft tangles were your doing, beings your hands were just buried in his hair a few moments prior. then, your mind wandered and thought how you could live the rest of your life contently if it meant you would be waking up next to him every morning.
he moved his head to the crook of your neck, placing kisses along the skin as you tilted your head to give him more access to the area. yeah, you could get used to this every morning.
you knew he’d never think the same way, especially when you were the one who made it very clear that it was a no strings attached situation. he’d never feel the same way because even you weren’t supposed to feel this way.
however, as he moved to rest his chin on your chest so he could look up at you, it was all you could think about. and he could tell the gears in your head were turning when your smiled softly faded, eyes still locked on his.
he cocked his head to the side, an eyebrow slightly raised as he looked over your facial features, “you okay?”
you blinked, nodding and smiling softly, shaking your head in efforts to get the thoughts to dissipate, “hmm? yeah, sorry, just kind of zoned out for a second.”
he knew you better than that, shifting as he moved to lay next to you, head resting on his palm, “i know that look, you’ve got something on your mind. sure you don’t want to talk?”
it wasn’t fair. he was so kind, gentle, caring, all of it. and you couldn’t even call him yours.
you nodded, “yeah. thanks, though.”
he hummed, reaching over and grabbing his phone from the nightstand. you held a mental debate with yourself on if you should stay and bask in the warmth and comfort of not only the boy next to you, but the way too comfortable bed you were laying in.
“wanna make breakfast, or go get something or whatever?”
mind made up: go before you slowly start entering the hole you were slowly but surely digging for yourself.
you threw the comfort off your body, wincing slightly at the cold air around you. god, this is so hard. it shouldn’t be this hard.
“‘m gonna go, actually,” you said, grabbing your clothes from last night off the floor, shoving some things back in the overnight bag you happily packed after classes yesterday, “‘ve got some homework.”
he tried to mask his frown, knowing he shouldn’t be upset about the fact that you didn’t want to stay. you probably shouldn’t anyway, but he really wanted you to.
there was nothing lando loved more in the world than you and your company. was it worth breaking the agreement? worth losing a friend and someone he could talk to? maybe, maybe not. he knew what he wanted, and it was you. however, he couldn’t quite put a finger on what you wanted.
he had even wondered if he was the one you’d think about at night when you couldn’t sleep, staring up at the ceiling. because you were the one he’d always manage to think about. it was always you.
you were slipping on your shoes when he came back to reality, “i’ll drive you home.”
you nodded, watching as he got up from the bed and grabbed the hoodie that sat on the floor. the same one he wore last night, the one you were desperately pulling him closer by after a few episodes of the show the two of you had started last week.
he tugged on a pair of sneakers, grabbing his phone and wallet before leading you through his house. you trailed behind him, really not wanting to go back to the house you shared with your roommates, but you had to. if you stayed here any longer, every single line you both had made clear a few months prior would be crossed. a friendship would be jeopardized.
simply, the thought of ruining everything wasn’t worth it. was it?
he grabbed the keys to the mclaren sitting in his driveway, “do you have everything?”
you patted the pocket on your hoodie, feeling your phone and taking a glimpse inside your bag, “looks like it.”
he nodded as the two of you walked out of the house. he opened the door for you, just like always did, closing it behind you. he climbed in on the drivers side, starting the engine.
“you sure you’re not hungry or anything? don’t want a coffee or a tea?”
you looked over at the boy next to you, smiling softly and shaking your head, “‘m okay, thanks though.”
he nodded, pulling out of the driveway and handing you his phone to play music. you started playing the playlist you had made on his spotify account, a mixture of both of your favorite songs.
however, the music you were playing wasn’t even being paid attention to as you both were in deep thought the whole drive. both thinking about the other and how you both desperately wished things could be different. how you were both feeling the same way towards each other, just the other was too scared to admit it first.
he pulled up in front of the house, a soft sigh leaving your lips. partially out of relief because you were home and you could work on the work you’d been stressing about all week, but partially out of disappointment.
“want me to walk you up?”
you grabbed your bag, shaking your head, “no, ‘s okay,” you smiled softly, “thanks for, erm…”
you trailed off when your eyes met his. he laughed, noticing the slight blush rising to your cheeks, “don’t have to thank me.”
you nodded, “right, sorry.”
“don’t have to apologize either,” he smiled, “i’ll uhm… see you later?”
you nodded, desperately wanting to lean over and kiss his cheek, like you normally would’ve. but you knew if you did, you would eventually start kissing his lips and you’d never stop.
“yeah, i’ll see you later.”
you opened the door, climbing out and shutting the door before walking up to the house. he watched you make your way up to the door, fishing for your keys in the mess of the bag. you put the key in and turned around, sending him a small wave.
he waved back, pulling away once you walked inside the house and shut the door. you let out a breath, leaning against the wood for support and running a hand over your face. after giving yourself a second, you made your way into the living room.
“oh my god,“ the brunette, sarah, said with a teasing smile, “you’re able to walk after a night at lando’s? what a miracle.”
you flipped her off, causing the blonde, ashley, to snort from her place on the couch. you hung your bag on the barstool, sitting down and grabbing the bowl of cereal from sarah.
“oh, yeah, sure,” she mumbled, throwing her hands up in the air, “i wasn’t eating that.”
you gave her a look, shoving a spoonful of cereal in your mouth.
“you’re awfully quiet,” ashley said, entering the kitchen now as she stood at the coffee maker, “you alright?”
you were silent for a minute, both your roommates looking at you with concerned looks before you spoke up, “i don’t know.”
they both had the same expression, eyebrows raised, “what do you mean?”
you dropped your head onto your arm as you groaned. the two girls looked at each other confused before ashley questioned you, “y/n? what’s going on?”
“i like him.” you said sitting up.
sarah rolled her eyes, pulling the bowl of cereal back towards her, “well, yeah, tell us something we don’t know.”
“no, i mean,” you huffed, “i like like him.”
“okay,” ashley said into her coffee cup, “and what about that?”
“i can’t!”
“what do you mean you ‘can’t like him’?” sarah said, mouthful of cereal.
“i can’t like him because if i like him, it’ll be breaking the rules. and he’ll never like me back because of ‘em,” you said, “i wish i never came up with them in the first place.”
sarah snorted, “hold on,“ placing the spoon in the now empty bowl, “you think he doesn’t like you back?”
“i don’t just think, i know.”
ashley looked over at sarah and the two girls snickered. you gave them confusing looks.
“what? what’s so funny?”
“y/n, i love you,” ashley said, “but you’re an idiot.”
“it’s a good thing you’re really pretty because you’re completely oblivious.” sarah agreed. you sent them both confusing looks.
“what’re you talking about?”
“y/n, come on!” ashley laughed, “open your eyes! this man doesn’t like you, he’s in love with you.”
you gave them blank stares before you shook your head, “no, there’s absolutely no way-“
“think about it,” sarah said, “would he show up and bring you flowers every time you two go out? would he stop by and bring you a coffee, or a tea, or something to eat, which he’s literally memorized the orders for by the way, every time you’re studying? he knows you well enough to know that if you’re focused hard enough, you forget to eat and that you can’t study without some form of caffeine.”
“plus, the way he looks at you,” ashley added, “his face literally lights up every time you enter the room.“
you felt your heart go to your throat, but you somehow managed a croaked out response, “you think?”
“please,” ashley said, “we know. plus, ‘ve asked him.”
you and sarah looked at the blonde, a simultaneous, “you what?” slipping from your mouths.
ashley shrugged, raising her hands in mock defense, “i just wanted to know!”
“what did he say?”
“when did you ask?”
she put her coffee mug down, “it was the other night, he was watching you two laugh and dance at that stupid, lame ass party we went to. he was literally watching you the way they do in movies when they love someone,” she said, “so i asked him, ‘do you like her?’ and he nodded and kind of blushed a little bit before he was like, ‘maybe a bit more than that’.”
“oh my god,” sarah said, looking over at you. you sat there in shock for a minute before looking at your friends.
“what do i do? what do i say?” you asked the two girls looking at you.
“just talk to him, tell him how you feel,” ashley said, “it’s not like anything could go wrong, you already know how he feels.”
she had a point.
₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊
it was evening now, the sun setting through your curtains as you sat at your desk. you hummed along to the music playing through your headphones, scribbling down the rest of the notes you needed for this week.
you tilted your neck to the side, trying to fight through the aching pain in your muscles as you had sat at your desk all day. the music got quieter for a second before a soft ping rang through your headphones.
lando
how’s schoolwork going?
you smiled softly, clicking on the notification before typing back a response.
pretty good, actually. kind of wish i had taken a break to go out to get dinner with the girls.
you went back to your textbook before the woosh came through this time, another text popping up in the messages between the two of you.
have you not eaten today?
you looked at the clock, 8:30pm. well, shit…
guess i was too wrapped up to realize 😅
the bubble appeared on his side of the conversation, another sound playing through after he sent his message.
fancy some dinner company, then?
you smiled again, and if your feet weren’t tucked under your legs, you were sure you’d be probably be kicking them. god, he had you whipped.
as long as you bring something good.
he was quick to respond this time.
be there soon.
and he was a man to his word, showing up to your house almost forty minutes later. he had texted you that he was pulling up so you could open the door for him. once you opened the door, you smiled at the boy who stood with a bag of food in his hand.
“hey,” he smiled back at you. you stepped aside to let him in.
“hey,” you said, the two of you making your way to the kitchen as he set the bag down on the island, “whatcha get?”
you tried peeking in the bag but he pulled it away from you before you could look. you looked up at him as he sent you a teasing smile.
“close your eyes.”
“lando-“
“just close your eyes,” he chuckled back. you huffed, a soft smile on your face nonetheless as you closed your eyes. he pulled the takeout container, placing it in front of you before he fished out his.
“okay, open.”
you glanced down at the counter and your smile got wider. your favorite dish from your favorite restaurant sitting in front of you. your eyes met his as he smiled at you.
“you went all the way across town?”
“yeah,” he shrugged, popping open the lid to his dinner, “that’s what took me so long. sorry about that, by the way.”
you shook your head, “it’s okay,” you said, opening your own container, “i just… thank you.”
you smiled up at him and he swore he’d do the drive a hundred times if it meant you got to look at him like that.
“don’t have to thank me.” he said for the second time that day.
the two of you ate and made some comfortable conversation. most of them being jokes and the other giggling at them. he followed you up the stairs to your room after, the door closing behind him.
you sat down at your desk as he plopped onto your bed, “how much do you have left?”
you hummed, skimming through your notes and checking the check list on your computer, “another page or so,” you glanced over at him, softly wincing from the pain in your neck, which didn’t go unnoticed by him.
“your neck sore?”
you nodded, digging your fingers in the muscle to try to relieve the pain, “yeah, guess that means i’ve been sitting here too long.”
he got up from his spot before coming up behind you, his hands brushing yours to the side as he dug his finger tips into the aching muscles. you let out a soft sigh, letting him rub away the soreness, “god, that feels good.”
he smiled softly, “‘s it helping?”
you nodded, “yeah, actually.”
he continued for a couple seconds before you turned around to look at him in your chair. you searched his eyes as you tried to read them, but you got too distracted by the color of them to fully assess. he smiled softly down at you, raising an eyebrow slightly.
“what?” he asked, a chuckle following after.
“do you think about that night?” your mouth was moving before your brain could filter it, “the night we made that agreement?”
he shrugged, sitting back down on the bed now, “i mean, kind of, but not all the time.”
“do you regret it?”
he furrowed his eyebrows at you, “why would i regret it?”
you looked down at your hands, “because i do,” his heart dropped, but you immediately snapped your head up, “not like that! not like that at all. god, that’s not the way it was supposed to sound coming out of my mouth.”
you took a deep breath, his facial features becoming unreadable, “then how did you mean it?”
“i mean, i regret giving us these stupid rules,” you said, “like the one where it’s supposed to be ‘no feelings involved’, that sort of thing.”
he sent you a questioning look, his heart skipping a beat with hope, hope that you’d feel the same way, “why?”
“because i may have broken that rule.”
he searched your eyes, immediately his heart jumping up to his throat.
“so did i,” he said.
you smiled at each other from your seats before he was pulling you towards him, mumbling a soft, ‘c’mere,”
you straddled his thighs, wrapping your arms around his neck as one of his grabbed your waist while the other cupped your cheek. he leaned forward and kissed you softly, your hands finding the curls on the back of his neck.
he was the one to deepen the kiss, his tongue licking at your bottom lip before sucking and nibbling on it softly, knowing exactly how to make you weak. and it was working as you found yourself softly moaning into his mouth. he moved his hand from your hip to your ass, grabbing at it playfully causing you to giggle.
you broke the kiss, “i already knew how you felt, i just wanted to hear you say it.”
he sent you a look, silently asking how you would’ve known before his eyes widened. you laughed softly as he rolled his eyes.
“fucking ashley,” he mumbled against your lips.
no one could wipe the smile off his face even if they tried. you kissed him passionately, pushing back on his chest as he laid back onto the mattress and brought you with him. you hovered over him as you bent down, kissing him again. his hands found their place on your hips yet again, you absentmindedly moving against his hips gently.
he hummed contently against your lips, fingers moving under the hoodie you were wearing, a different one than the one you had on earlier, “is this mine?”
he brushed a piece of hair behind your ear as you bit back a smile, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip, “maybe..”
he laughed, shaking his head as he pulled at the bottom hem, helping you out of it, “you look better in it anyway.”
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solitude4chiron · 9 months
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Hobie Headcannons cs some of y’all be treating this man like he’s some white goth nga that’s never had black experiences 😭😭 these are js off the top of my head so don’t tweak out… JUH VIBE
He’s most likely Jamaican/British or African/British because he’s from the UK
He has had multiple people try to force him into playing basketball at least once because he’s 6’5
“Man, so you telling me you ain’t never tried going D1?”
“Never even played.”
“NIGGA WHAT?”
Has gotten his hand popped multiple times from touching his hair while getting it done
“How many do you have left?”
“Boy move that damn hand.”
Gives horrible advice then says “but I don’t kno, thats just me”
“She cheated on me bru. Like cheated. Called me ON FACETIME while they was hunchin.”
“Me personally I would find the guy and start a gas leak in their house while his family is sleeping. But ion kno, that’s just me tho.”
Played soccer as a kid with a makeshift paper soccer ball
Was one of those kids who were forced to finish their plate before leaving the dinner table so he would sit at the table till the next day playing with his food
Illegally listens to and downloads most of the music he likes
“Wanna do a Spotify blend?”
“Y’all use that shi?”
“who df are you bro…”
Will side eye you till you burst out laughing if you both see something crazy in public 
Sung chi-chi man religiously as a child before he knew what the song meant (iykyk)
Takes pictures of white people with braids or locs
Hobie: Attachment: 1
disgusting creatures…
Hangs trash bags on his doorknobs around the house
Had entire debates as a child with older people at the cookout on why he should be able to eat ribs instead of hotdogs
“These steaks for the adults, go grab a lil hotdog and a juice.”
“But why? Can’t we both eat and enjoy the same things without you having to dehumanize me and view me only as a child without preferences for food?”
“Boy go get that fuckin hotdog and caprisun get out my face.”
Had his hairline pushed back astronomically far when he was little (Nigerian boy canon event)
On the other hand he probably never had his hair cut as a kid and started free-forming when he was young (I’m conflicted between both)
Constantly had a smart mouth as a kid (he still does), like CONSTANTLY. Once he got his lips snatched and balled into a fist
Would steal, get caught and say is “it cause I’m black?”
“Yo, were you stealing back there?”
“Why bruv? Cause I’m black?”
“Nevermind.”
Touches hot ass food with his bare hands. Like he will flip pancakes with his hands.
Can literally sleep anywhere.. like anywhere. People in his band have pictures of him hunched over on sinks, sleeping on bathroom floors, in bathtubs with the curtains wrapped around him, on the bus. Anywhere you can think of.
He doesn’t spend much money on birthday gifts or gifts in general. He likes to make things by hand even if he has to spend a few weeks
After his shows he loves to meet people in the crowd, even if they freak out. He isn’t really for the idolizing so he doesn’t know how to express his emotions too much on that.
“OH MY GOD HOBIE!?!”
“i aint think i was that special but thanks luv”
• His jacket makes HELLA noise and he doesn’t realize it. Just like if he had beads in his hair.
“imma get bro good this time..”
“Hobie don’t even try to scare me, i hear that big ass jacket thumpin down the hallway.”
• The first time he kissed a girl with lip piercings like his, they got caught on each other. They sat there for almost half and hour trying to untangle each other without hurting each other.
• He’s definitely been called a few different celebrities before, none really looked like him.
“Are you playboi carti?!”
“Bruv.”
over.
“Your that rockstar dude lancey right?”
“bru…”
and over.
“you Opium?”
“I’m starting to feel this is lowkey sterotypical…”
and over again.
• When he’s in the pit at concerts he looks out for the younger people towards the front to make sure they don’t get thrashed around too hard.
“you good young’n?”
“I CANT FEEL MY FACE”
“that’s cool too”
• He only really steals from big corporations, not small family owned places. Just out of respect. Even when they say he can take things for free he still pays, maybe a few dollars over budget.
• He loves collecting trinkets and little things he finds on the streets or backstage. He has multiple spoons, buttons and scrap fabrics laying around
• When he first learned about capitalism he realized it everywhere, like EVERYWHERE. That boy was pissed.
• He loves girls who can beat him tf up, like whoop his ass. Or girls who will cuss him tf out. Sometimes you both will be arguing and he’ll just sit back and let you go off on him.
anyways yawl that’s it lmk if I should drop some more this was fun asl to make 😛
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evie-sturns · 1 month
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no one has to know what we do - Chris Sturniolo
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summary: ever since you met the triplets in 3rd grade, youve had been closest with chris. you've never admitted it to anyone but you've been madly inlove with him for a few years now. the triplets 20th birthday comes around, they celebrate by inviting the friend group to their house for the weekend, what happens when you and chris are left alone in his bedroom, will things stay the same, or will you two be forced to sneak around.
contains: smut, fwb!chris, sneaking around friends, swearing, fluff.
------------------┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐-----------———-
♫.. no one has to know what we do, his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room..♫
I've known the triplets since i could walk, marylou and my mom met in highschool so i've grown up around the nick matt and chris my whole life. ive always been closest with chirs,
but i hate to admit the fact that i've been thinking about him differently, a lot differently. i've never though about matt in that way though, even though they're practically the same. it's something about chris's hair, i've always wondered how my fingers would feel laced through his brown locks while he rests between my thighs.
6:39pm, friday night.
i push open the sturniolos front door to find nick, chris, matt, madi, nate, and several other friends from highschool, hannah, grace and yolanda, leaning on the counter, all laughing with eachother.
''hey!!" chris says with a wide grin, running up to me and wrapping his arms around me. "chrisss" i smile back at him.
this weekend is the sturniolos birthday, they've invited madi, me, nathan, and 3 other friends round for friday night, saturday and sunday, for those three nights chris and i are sharing a room, alone.
he grabs my small tote brag i brought and chucks it into the spare room. i walk into the kitchen and greet everyone else, instantly getting dragged by nick into the living room.
"we're watching the grinch." madi declares, "fuck no! its the middle of fucking august" nick yells back, nate chimes in, adding something to the debate.
before i can open my mouth i feel a cold hand grab my arm, its chris.
my head swings around, my hair hitting his neck. "c'mon" chris says, taking me over to the couch and throwing himself down and patting the spot next to him. i flop next to him, cuddling close to his side as everybody else piles down, "so we're watching the grinch?" madi says with a cheeky smile, "no." nick instantly replies, switching the tv on.
the intro song to rapunzel blasts through the small room, a loud cheer comes from the 7 other people around chris and i.
i'm basically frozen, my mouth won't move and i can feel my heart pounding out of my chest. sure, chris and i have been friends forever but god hes been so physical the past few weeks its been hard to hold myself together.
"you okay?" chris whispers down into my hair.
"yeah!" i chirp back
"you seem nervous"
"im not."
im 90% sure he knows.
"im sorry this movie is ASS." nate says, interrupting the movie. "gotta say, i do kinda agree with you." madi replies, "i told you the grinch was better!" she says, earning a boo from nick.
nick leans over to me, "go get a boardgame from chris's room cause these fuck heads aren't happy with rapunzel." he tutts.
i heave myself up off the couch, "chris where do you keep your array of boardgames" i scoff, shaking my head with a smile. "first of all i dont have 50 boardgames i play" he laughs as he walks over to me.
i walk upstairs towards chris's room, him closley behind me still yapping about the fact hes not that big of a fan of board games.
i open the large wooden door to chris's room, the familiar sight filling my vision.
chris shuts the door behind us, i don't question it, he probably just wants to keep his room air conditioned. i look back at him,
"so where are the-" i start but get interrupted by chris's hand on my jaw, he looks at my lips then my eyes, then my lips before slamming his onto mine.
i kiss him back. of course i do? i've practically dreamt about this moment since i was 16.
"i know i make you nervous y/n" he rasps into my lips, his second hand grabbing my cheek as he walks us back, our lips still connected as my back hits the wall, pinning me down slightly with his mouth.
he pulls away for a second, scanning my face for a readable expression. "chris" i breathe out, running my hand through my hair.
"im sorry, im so fucking sorry i shouldnt've done that-" he starts, taking a step back, "chris." i interrupt him, reconnecting our lips.
"you make me nervous, really fucking nervous." i say into his lips, his hand finds its way to the back of my head, his fingers intertwined in my hair.
suddenly the door to his bedroom rattles, i instantly pull away, my head spinning round to look at the door which is being pushed open/
madi, matt, nick and 3 of our other friends walk in, all laughing with each other about god knows what, i scramble towards the closet, looking for any board game i can.
i pull out the despicable me version of 'game of life' which has several minions on the front. a small laugh exits my mouth before i join the small circle which has formed on the floor with our friends.
"y/n...." matt says with a laugh, grabbing the board game off me "despicable me?" hannah says with a scoff
"im sorry! chris doesn't have the collection of board games i expected!" i tease back.
"it'll be okay!" grace says, a somewhat optimistic smile painted across her face.
chris joins the circle of friends on the floor, sitting down opposite me. hes got a small panicked expression, his lips red and raw, his cheeks a deep pink. his eyes are fixed on mine.
"so whos gonna roll first?" nick chuckles.
(8:45pm)
madi won the boardgame about 30 minutes ago, i've been laying on the floor of chris's room with all of our friends, execept for chris.
he disappeared while everyone was celebratings madis 'epic' win.
"we've gotta play truth or dare.." yolanda says, "like the corny middle school shit you know?"
nick claps his hands with a goofy grin, followed by matt rolling his eyes but later agreeing.
"nick, truth or dare" grace laughs,
i stand up off the floor, walking out of chris's room while everyones distracted watching nick try to do a head stand.
the wooden stairs creak as i jog down them, i swing open the back door and im met with chris. he's sitting on the outdoor bench, scrolling aimlessly through his phone.
his head shoots up to look at me as i walk over to the bench, sitting under it.
"hey!" he says smiling, then putting his phone down on the armrest.
"how was despicable me game of life?" chris nudges me in the arm, a stupid smile on his pink lips.
"shut up!" i scoff, flicking his arm softly.
a silence fills the air, only sounds of distant cars vaguely humming in the background. chris runs a hand through his brunette hair, his long fingers peeking through the strands of his hair.
"um-" chris clears his throat.
"chris.." i whisper i start, then get off by his voice
"i dont think i'm ready for a relationship."
my heart sinks.
i didnt even say i liked him like that to his face?
"come with me." he declares, standing up abruptly grabbing my hand and pulling me inside.
everyone's hanging out in the living room, nobodys really paying attention to rapunzel anymore. nicks head shoots up "y/n come over!!" he smiles at me.
"we're gonna go get ready for bed, super tired." chris speaks for me. i run over to nick, giving him and matt a goodnight hug before returning to chris. he grabs my hand firmly then pulls me upstairs into his room, slamming the door shut behind us
my heart thumps as chris looks down at me, his hand reaches out for my chin, his other hand firmly gripping my waist as his fingertips lightly squeeze my waist. i stare at his lips, he stares at mine before colliding them for the second time today.
without another word his shirt is across the room, his necklace resting on his chest. my shirt follows, ending up somewhere around the room. "chris" i moan lightly into his lips as his hand snakes round to my back, unclasping my bra and letting it fall to the floor.
he frantically rips off his sweatpants, i shimmy my shorts down my legs.
the air surrounding us grows hot as i fall back onto his bed, "chris- we can't, nick always tells me that he'd kill me if i even though about his brothers sexually, i mean-" i ramble, but chris cuts me off.
"no one has to know what we do." he whispers, his hands intertwined in my hair.
my eyes switch from chris, to the amount of our clothes scattered across his room, the same room chris and i grew up in.
i nod "okay." a smile creeps across my face.
chris pulls off my panties, throwing them ontop of his desk. he pauses for a second, his eyes exploring every inch of my body. "oh my god." he mutters, "you okay?" he asks quickly while he pulls down his boxers, his hard length springing out. his dick is strangely perfect, "yeah, more than okay.." i whisper, my eyes fixed on his cock.
he nods "you've done.. this before right?" chris laughs slightly. "yeah- yeah" i giggle. "you're so pretty." he says, stroking his length while his eyes stare at my exposed body.
"ready?" he asks, his tip lightly pressing against my hole.
i'm not even fully processing whats happening right now, the boy i've secretly been practically inlove with for a few years is now about to fuck me.
"very." i tease, gripping the sheets for support. he pushes into me, a low whimper escaping his mouth "squeezing me so well." he stutters, bottoming out in me.
i let out a string of moans as i arch my back off the bed "so good, doing so good." he says, his thrusts rapidly increasing in pace and intensity. his fingers lace into my hair, tugging lightly but not painfully.
i let out a desperate groan "chris- fuck!"
he reaches a hand down and presses on my lower stomach, feeling how deep he is inside of me. "you feel me?" he says in between thrusts.
I squeeze my eyes shut, my vision fogged.
"i said you feel me?" he mumbles, his hair flopping with each time his tip hits my cervix.
"yes! yes-" i blurt out,
chris grabs my throat, pinning me down to the bed.
my eyes open in shock, a few short breaths exiting my mouth.
"finish, finish for me."
and with those words i do, i clench around him and release my built up orgasm. chris instantly lets go of my throat being careful not to push me too hard, he pulls out, painting my stomach with warm streaks of white.
"fuck...." he groans, throwing his head back.
i catch my breath as chris collapses next to me, he pulls me ontop of his body as he strokes my hair.
"you did so well." he whispers into my hair.
after a good 10 minutes of laying in silence i break it,
"um chris.."
"yes?" he replies.
"what are we.. now."
another silence fills the room "i dont know." he says, a bit of guilt in his voice.
he starts "i mean if you give me a few weeks we can put a label on us or we could just stay friends and forget this happened but i dont know if i want that because i really enjoyed this but i mean we could be friends with benefits-"
i interuppt his rambles "friends with benefits!?" i say with a small smile.
"if you want, could be fun like sneaking around.."
i nod frantically at chris's words "i'd like that."
-
(saturday 5pm)
after yesterday nights unexpected encounter chris and i have kept our promise, this whole day everyones been hanging out at the pool but currently we're in the bathroom, and hes fully inside of me.
"fuck-" he mumbles, slamming into me as i sit on the countertop. my bikini bottoms are pulled to the side as he pounds into me repeatedly, "close." he warns.
i clench around him, the knot in my stomach snapping as i release around his length with a scream of his name. he pulls out, orgasming on my thighs.
"you okay?" he asks, panting as he wipes my thigh with his hand.
i collide our lips together "yeah." i mumble into his mouth.
a few seconds pass before we pull away, he helps me down off the countertop as i catch my balance.
he grabs my hand and unlocks the bathroom door, he guides us both back to the pool, rejoining all our friends like we weren't fucking each other 3 minutes ago.
i lay down by the poolside, my legs shaking slightly from the intensity of the past events.
chris sits down next to me "you got a little something." he whispers with a laugh, quickly reaching down and wiping my thigh where we missed a spot.
(1 month later)
a month ago today chris and i were sneaking around at his 20th birthday party, for the past 4 weeks we've been meeting up at each other's houses, hooking up every time we get the chance. we didnt speak about anything, i think hes happy staying friends with benefits even though i want more, ive needed more for 3 years.
11:32pm
i roll over in bed, checking my phone one last time before i fall asleep. suddenly my phone frantically vibrates,
its chris?
i pick up the phone "chris its late..." i groan into the phone.
"i need to talk to you, can i come over.. please?" he asks innocently, "okay if you want to just talk, im so tired."
i hang up, after a couple minutes i hear the rumble of chriss car in my driveway, followed by his footsteps upstairs. he swings open the door to my room "hey!" he says nervously, jumping into bed beside me. "you alright?" i ask, holding his hand.
he stays silent for a few seconds, before starting.
"i think im in love with you?" he blurts out.
"you- what?" i repeat, confusion painted in my voice.
"i know, but for the past few.. years? ive liked you- alot.. and i dont just want you to be my fuck buddy anymore, i want to be more."
he takes a deep breath, i stay silent in shock.
"i feel the absolute exact same Christopher." i say, looking over at him.
"do you wanna.. make things official." he asks quietly.
i roll over ontop of him, smothering him in kisses "yes!" i laugh, wrapping my arms around him. relief washes over his face.
we lay still for a few minutes, "can i stay the night?" he asks with a laugh, "please do." i reply, my eyes fluttering shut.
we lay in silence for a few minutes, but a small laugh exits his mouth.
"yeah?" i smile into his chest.
"nothing it was just painfully obvious i was head over heels for you, how did you not guess" he laughs
"chris, im sorry but i was terrified to make a move purely because of how it wasnt obvious." i say, planting the 84th kiss of the night on his face.
----------------------------
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ayakashiz · 20 days
Text
Alien Stage R6 Analysis
VERY LONG compilation of my interpretations, impressions and unanswered questions about Round 6 of Alien Stage. I just wanted to write this to put all my thoughts in one place so I can finally rest (in pieces). TW for mentions of suic*de/suic*dal ideation.
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The most debated is no doubt the kiss/choking scene and Ivan’s motivation for doing so in the first place. 
I think from the very beginning, even before R3, Ivan was planning to go out with a bang. That’s the immediate impression I got from the comic where he mocks/criticizes Sua for planning to “selfishly” die for Mizi and feel good being the “heroine” rather than having to deal with the trauma of being the one left behind. 
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(I'm too lazy to edit the whole translation as of now, but might do so when I have more time.)
Ivan tells her how he’s “relieved that he’s not the only who’s that twisted” = He’s comparing himself to Sua. He thinks they’re both ‘twisted’ for planning to do the same thing, but from Ivan’s perspective, he at least isn’t fooling himself into thinking his motives are altruistic. He tasted the feeling of being ‘abandoned’, and he knows he doesn’t want to experience it twice. 
He also probably thought that his death wouldn’t be as impactful on Till as Sua’s death on Mizi, and therefore his own selfishness is more justified in his mind. This most likely plays a role in how cold and biting his words are towards Sua –he’s jealous of that difference between them.
I hadn’t noticed this detail the first time I watched the video: Not only did Till look absolutely miserable and defeated from the get go, but he completely gave up and stopped singing at some point. If you look at the video, we can hear the audio that was supposed to be sung, but Till is quiet and still, and THIS is the moment Ivan chooses to act.
Although they do not show the votes at that particular moment, stopping mid song would have definitely taken a hit to Till’s score as it’s basically forfeiting –a huge contrast to his previous match where he didn’t even let his opponent utter a single line.
In response, Ivan doesn’t just walk towards him but throws his microphone to the ground, explicitly forfeiting as well in order to then pull a drastic move like it was foreshadowed in his interview.
The kiss itself imo was the less calculated/arguably unplanned part. He could have just choked Till from the start and it would have gotten him the same if not better results (since it was the act of violence against another contestant that ultimately lowered his score and got the counter to stop). 
That kiss was authentic and for himself entirely, both as a last desperate attempt at conveying his feelings and a selfish way of leaving a strong impression on Till that he wouldn’t be able to forget (a hypocritical move going back to how he criticized Sua). In that sense, I don’t think Ivan was seriously trying to take Till down with him –although that’s up to interpretation. As I see it, that would contradict his actions up until that point.
Till was VERY CLEARLY suic*dal (once again, he gave up singing), and after the initial shock of Ivan squeezing his neck, this fiery, rebellious man who is KNOWN to fight tooth and nail, simply closed his eyes and relaxed his body, waiting for Ivan to end him without fighting at all. 
The thing is, no matter how suic*dal one may be, the fighting response when being actually suffocated is automatic and completely involuntary. People mention there not being marks on Till’s neck but I think the most telling sign is him not going red, not squirming, not struggling or holding onto Ivan’s wrists (again, expected involuntary responses), his eyes not watering or having blurry vision while we see Ivan from his POV, not opening his mouth even a little to gasp for air and not coughing or gasping either when he was finally released.
Ivan definitely had him in a strong grip, might have even made him a bit lightheaded, but the reason why Till could look so relaxed in the first place is because he had given up and was waiting for Ivan to go ahead. If his closed eyes and limp posture were due to the choking itself, he would have fallen or stumbled when being let go, but we see that his eyes open as soon as he feels Ivan’s hands slipping away and he looks shocked instead.
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So then what was Ivan’s motivation, if not to kill him? Yes, there’s the already discussed plan to get himself disqualified. But Ivan glances at the screen only a few seconds after he starts the choking, confirming that the voting had in fact stopped with Till having the higher score. He then goes for one last ‘goodbye’ kiss before continuing to choke him, holding his grip even as he starts getting shot.
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We see a closeup of him, his eyes and hands trembling, looking more frustrated/emotional than in Till’s first POV where he looks rather stoic. It makes me think that the reason he refused to let go was simply because he wanted Till to look at him. 
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They strongly imply throughout the whole video that being annoying or mean or violent was the only way Ivan learnt how to make Till focus his full attention on him, but now even as he’s threatening his life, even as he himself is dying, even after that kiss, Till wouldn’t look. 
It took him getting fatally wounded and realizing there was no turning back to reach a state of acceptance. His bittersweet expression here reminds me A LOT of his smile after Till runs back during the meteor scene, although this one seems a lot more tender. He seems to accept the fact that Till will never love him back, but Ivan cannot stop loving him anyways and he at least got to put his feelings out there. 
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(The parallels here are driving me insane. The way there is light in his eyes in both instances as he looks at Till even while 'losing him' in a way. The struggle between wanting to posses him yet realizing his free spirit/strong will is part of what he loves about him. That last genuine gaze from a character who spent his whole life putting on a mask. Yes I am very normal about this.)
Until then, Ivan’s more tender/vulnerable side is only shown while Till is unconscious or looking away.
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(That soft, loving nuzzle to Till's face has me in SHAMBLES.)
But ironically, it’s only when he releases him and shows him this vulnerability without a mask that Till really looks at him for the first time. I’d go as far as to say that it was this moment, and not the kiss, that finally made Till understand Ivan’s feelings. And in turn Ivan gets that little shot of euphoria as he falls to the ground.
Going back to the survivor’s guilt… I can only imagine it’ll go completely downhill for Till from now on. Not only does he already think Mizi might be dead and is angry at himself that he couldn’t save her (as seen in the shot where he punches his own picture), but now he has most likely realized that Ivan intentionally fumbled their match for his sake –which would lead to the realization that he was the reason why Ivan chose to run back to Anakt Garden after him in the first place, and that choice ultimately lead to his death. 
Even though we see them fighting a lot as children through the videos and comics, it’s also implied that they were always together and they shared some quiet moments –the “Mizi didn’t play with you, I played with you” art, all that art of the main 4 playing together, those bright smiles as they ran away together during the meteor shower scene and Till looking so guilty when he let go of his hand. 
There are a few cute doodles of them for those who are on Patreon, and some more lore in the Anakt Garden kit –so they were at the very least friends in their own way (as best as 2 very traumatized and abused children could), constantly fighting and making up. Which God… it shows that despite appearances Till must have actually had the patience of a saint when they were little lmao.
But what I’m trying to say is that despite what Ivan may have thought, his death will most definitely have an impact on Till and the narrative going forward, and I’m excited to find out how that reflects in the final round (if the resistance doesn’t manage to get back up in time to disrupt it). 
Despite how much I adored (and SUFFERED WITH) this round, I still have MANY questions that were left unanswered, both about Ivan and Till, and the lore in general, and I wonder if there’ll be time to answer them all, as I can imagine the next MV will be focused on Luka’s perspective, the only one we haven’t been presented with.
One of the most pressing questions being: What’s the relationship between Ivan and that alien dog? Did he tame it? It is implied that it was Ivan who somehow led Till and Mizi to it in the first place in that one scene, and if so I wonder what his motivation was? Normally jealousy would be the first thing to come to mind but Ivan wasn’t interested in Till until AFTER he saw him stand up to the beast to protect Mizi, so it couldn’t have been that. 
This is something that was also teased on Patreon and I was looking forward to the explanation on the MV, but it never came, and now Ivan is dead, so the next video will most likely not be too concerned with his backstory any longer. (Which, also, I was really curious about his life in the slums before being captured, auctioned and brought to Anakt, as that would have played a huge role in his twisted personality/dark tendencies –once again teased on Patreon very briefly, but not explained beyond that frame of him looking famished.)
The second is, how is Ivan able to open Till’s collar/muzzle so easily? This is a question I’ve been having since R3, but chalked it up to Ivan being sneaky and figuring out some kind of code to the cell door and that somehow automatically deactivating the locks on the restraints… or something. But with how many times he does it in R6 with just a touch it’s very clear that that isn’t the case and also imo they’re trying to point this out as a significant detail. 
It may turn out that I’m just looking too much into it, but I find it really curious and interesting. Not only is he the only child without a collar (Mizi and Sua still had them despite being just as well behaved as him), but he seems to be the only one able to take them off –or at least Till’s. I’m pretty sure the children wouldn’t normally be able to remove them by themselves as it seems to be a control mechanism. So how can Ivan? This might explain a lot about how they were able to escape, and also add a layer of tragedy knowing that Ivan could have chosen to escape by himself at any point, but refused to leave Till behind.
Last but not least there’s all the human experimentation Till was subjected to, which was the main topic of the teaser and we see the same images show up in the very beginning of the MV. They help emphasize Till’s suffering and distressed state of mind, but then they’re never expanded on or mentioned at all for the rest of the video. That’s a huge piece of lore that I also hope isn’t forgotten.
I mean, I really doubt it will. So far VIVINOS & co. have been incredible with their ability to hold back information and release it at the moment where it’s the most impactful, which is refreshing to see. So I trust we’ll get some answers eventually. 
Really curious to know why they would experiment on an ALNST contestant in the first place, especially one that is undoubtedly talented and described as a musical genius (aka. has good odds of doing well on stage and earning the segyein revenue). A very plausible theory might just be that he was just getting constantly drugged to make him less of a threat/more submissive –like we see on the karaoke room scene. But it might as well be something bigger.
As for my expectations for the next round… I’m still just trying to process this one, as you can see by the sheer amount of text. There are many things left to address, and the Hyuna/Luka confrontation has been strongly teased. I wonder also, if the round goes on without interruption, what would Luka’s strategy against Till be? Would he go for provocation again, trying to imitate Mizi/hint to his recent trauma with Ivan? It probably won’t be that simple.
I mean, VIVINOS has been known for subverting our expectations with each round:
The ominous/callous framing that was given to Ivan by the end of Black Sorrow and the art that followed, making us suspicious of his intentions, only to have him die for love. The lifeless/doll-like framing given to Luka, vulnerable and cornered by flashing lights, only to have him be the cruelest/most calculating one (that we know so far). The rebellious, rowdy, willing to do anything to survive framing given to Till, only to have his fighting spirit completely break and willingly waiting to die by Ivan’s hands. The naive, complacent and passive image given to Mizi, only to have her snap, beat the shit out of Luka and join the rebellion –and with how things are going (and her being the protagonist) I wouldn’t be surprised if she, and not Hyuna (the one who was framed as the most strong and reliable, giving us a false sense of security going into R6), is who will have to try and rescue Till (and Luka???).
There are still a ton of things that keep me awake at night about R6 –my favorite character dying aside. I could talk about it forever, but I’ll leave it here. 
Feel free to share your theories, delusions, interpretations or any detail I might have missed with me. God knows we need group therapy after this as the cute chibi keychains can only heal us so far. Thanks for reading my rambles if you made it this far. :’)
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inmaki2 · 9 months
Text
luxiem’s reaction to you falling asleep on stream
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req . luxiem x gn!reader .
fluff . 1k est wc .
(f/n - fandom name) ty for the cute req ^^ not proofread + lmk if there’s warnings i missedd
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“lemme just read a few more supas before i end, chat..”
despite your determined words, even the viewers notice your model’s eyes drooping ever so sleepily while you talk. many express their concern and wishes for you to continue tomorrow, while others spam ‘tskr’ and remarks on how endearing the situation was.
“‘go sleep’? nah, you don’t—“ you’re cut off by a yawn, speech turning slower involuntarily, “you don’t have to worry, i’m.. i’m okay guys.”
coincidentally, right as you try to read the next donation, you close your eyes, attempting to give yourself just a second of rest, only to slip right into dreamland. of course, your chat explodes simultaneously; a majority being exclaims of what would happen next while others debate on if something else might’ve occurred. luckily for you, your boyfriend — who just so happens to be experienced in your field of work — is on the bed a few feet over, ready to help out.
mysta rias
mysta is much more observant than some may think (especially when it comes to you) and easily caught onto your state long before chat did
he shook his head from the bed, knowing exactly how you were feeling whilst you pushed yourself to continue thanking donations
it hurt him watching you in such a state, especially knowing he couldn’t do much
but now that you’ve drifted off, he’s quick to tiptoe over and take control of your model
he doesn’t even say hi, only muttering a ‘give me a minute, guys’ before grabbing your underarms and carrying you off to bed
once you’re neatly tucked in, he plants a quick kiss to your forehead before rushing back to finish up the stream
“sorry about that, yes it’s mysta! hope you guys dont mind me taking over for a bit.. wait, why’s everyone saying clip this?!”
mysta isn’t big about sharing much when it comes to your relationship, but he’ll be sure to let your fanbase what’s going on if you (clearly) can’t admit it yourself
“yep.. they say don’t worry, but then shit like this happens. fuckin’ stubborn, aren’t they?” he huffs, glancing over at your sleeping figure with fond but frustrated eyes
“good thing i was here. don’t worry, f/n.. i know you’re jealous and all, but they’re in good hands. if y’know what i mean,” the male cackles before remembering how close you are, sighing when he ensures you’re still asleep
mysta being mysta, he ends up talking to chat for a bit longer than necessary, mostly rambling about you of course
and before he ends stream, the idiot probably comments some suggestive shit that only makes the amount of clips from your stream double (sigh)
however, while he fools around for the viewers, don’t expect to be off the hook without a serious talk in the morning, along with a staff meeting that mysta will personally organize that same night
also,, be prepared for him to never live this down </3
ike eveland
the amount of times he had to stop himself from rushing over and just pulling you to bed throughout the stream..
he even tried (spamming) texting you, yet you’d simply send a stern shake of your head from the desk
so of course, once you closed your eyes for good, ike was already planning out the speech he was going to give you later on
your boyfriend can’t help but mumble about how ‘he knew this would happen’ as he paces closer, muting your mic before carrying you bridal style to bed
as romantic as it sounds, this boy was deadpanning stubbornly the whole time
“well, hello there f/n, ike here! like i’m sure most of you figured out, y/n fell asleep. the remainder of supas will continue next stream, but i hope you guys take this as a lesson that having designated time for rest is just as important—“
yes, even your chat gets an ike lecture
soon after, he’s shutting your pc down while glancing at you with an unreadable gaze
poor boy isn’t sure if he wants to scold you or hug you first
in the end he complies with hugging you all night
even after he wakes up he’ll bring his laptop in bed just so he can be near you while still working
“ah, look who’s awake,” brushing some hair from your face, he chuckles as you stretch cutely. “did you sleep well?”
“mm.. wait, what happened to my stream?”
at this, ike deadpans once again, pushing his laptop away — and that’s when you know you’re in trouble <\3
shu yamino
he knows how headstrong you can be, so he rarely tries to get you to change your mind on things like this, even when watching you doze off on live eats away at his heart
the only time he’d given his opinion was a few hours before stream, where you showed visible signs of over working
“babe?” he swallowed in discontent, inspecting your messy state from the kitchen. “i think you should cancel stream today, we can start a new anime n’ head to bed early tonight instead.”
it was a tempting offer, but the looming thought of potentially letting fans down made you swiftly decline, earning a defeated sound from the male
now here he was, rushing over to mute your mic and gently pat you awake
“y/n— y/n, you fell asleep on stream.”
that has your eyes shooting open, and the redness in them has guilt building further in shu’s chest
he feels like a bad boyfriend, like he should’ve been more assertive in taking care of you, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened
but those thoughts were for another day; right now you needed him more than ever
in an attempt to calm you down as you blabbered in confusion, he squeezes your hand in his
“shh, baby,” shu rarely used such petnames, but it immediately has you settling down. “you’re okay. it’s okay, f/n are still here waiting for you, see?”
he continues to kneel by your setup, rubbing your knuckles comfortingly as you build up the strength to unmute and explain the situation
“i don’t even know what happened, i hope everyone who donated doesn’t mind if i finish reading them next stream?” as you speak, shu nods supportively
if for some reason anybody were to get upset about this, he’d gladly argue with them himself
as soon as you hit ‘end stream’, he rises from the floor, holding your hand while walking to bed and murming affirmations softly
he smiles as you fall back to asleep almost instantly, messaging your manager himself to clear your schedule <3
vox akuma
honestly, he’d never let it come to this in the first place
“love, you’ve been slugging around all day. there’s no way you have the energy for a stream.”
in the end, you make a compromise to stream for much less time than you originally planned.. yet still fell asleep
vox hadn’t even realized at first; so busy completing work of his own until the silence finally registered
he would be mad and scold you like ike.. but you just look so cute napping away at your desk!!!
without bothering to mute, mans just admires you for a second with a tiny smirk
even in this state you were stunning to him,, not his fault
eventually lifts you like a sack over his shoulder (if you weren’t so tired he’d slap your ass by now. sigh) before settling you in bed
at that point he was desperate to just cuddle up with you, but of course the live was still ongoing
“why hello, f/n, there’s been a bit of.. em, a turn of events as you can see.. my idiot partner refuses to give themself a break so now you get me!”
vox chuckles lowly while reading the chaos and confusion in chat, sparking a new onset of comments. “guys, i can guarantee your oshi is not dead, c’mon, have some faith in me.”
like mysta, he doesn’t want to let the viewers in on too much, but he definitely hovers around the topic of overworking and breaks
“—after all, they’ve given up hours upon hours to plan more streams and events for you to enjoy, so now, i’d like everyone to be equally supportive and let them have a week or so off, hm? we don’t want this happening again, right?”
it’s a bit passive-aggressive, protective boyfriend tone honestly,, he can’t help it okay!
the minute it’s over vox is rushing back into bed, taking on the role of big spoon instinctively at your exhausted state
in the morning, he’s eager as ever to help you send a break request to the company <3
luca kaneshiro
now this one can be a bit,,
oblivious
he could tell you were tired, yes — but had no inkling it was to such a degree where you’d fall asleep in front of thousands of viewers
it definitely makes him think back to how your energy had been much lower than usual for a while now
he feels guilt bubbling in his stomach, but pushes it away as he swiftly moves in front of your mic
“chat! psst, it’s— it’s luca! y/n fell asleep, should i scare them!?” he whispers, barely holding in a mischievous giggle, “kidding, kidding. they deserve to sleep, like, really. i’ll keep you guys company for now alright?“
being the entertainer he is, luca easily finished up stream with his ‘impromptu asmr’, all while keeping one hand on your knee affectionately
“alright f/n, i think it’s time i uh, get y/n to bed, but thank you to those who stuck around! i’ll make sure they get lots of rest, pinky promise!”
it was going smoothly until he clumsily tried to lift you from the chair, awkwardly placing one hand on your behind and the other around your torso
“luca? the fuck are you doing?” you blink, only registering your boyfriend’s interesting hand placement as you wake up
his eyes widen, quickly letting you down with flushed cheeks. “what— i— i was just bringing you to bed! you fell asleep!”
“oh.. wait, on stream?!”
the boy quickly assures you (through lots of laughter) that he had it under control, and luckily for him you were too tired to fight back, only humming as he slides into bed as well
“i pinky promise’d your chat, babe. i promised that i’d make sure you rest, so no streaming for the next couple days, ‘kay?”
he gets snoring in response, which in his mind is good enough!
you wake up to a message from your manager wishing you a nice week off.. and the culprit only smiles adorably <3
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if u want me to write more make sure to reblog/send asks and tell me if u enjoyed !!!!!
nkox 2023 - do not copy, translate, crosspost, etc.
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luveline · 9 months
Note
So your drunk reader and Spencer fic? Maybe one with Hotch but reader has had something important going on and had called Hotch previously over it, but this was just a super sappy drunk call during an important case but Hotch can never not answer if he technically can talk for just a moment?
thank u for ur request! fem!reader
"I just can't understand how he can be two places at once," Derek says, infuriated. 
Hotch has a thousand possibilities racing through his head. "He can't be," he says, "so we have to work out what else is happening."
"It's him," Emily says. "Same clothes, same face. And it can't be an evil twin–" 
JJ groans, rubbing her eye with the heel of her hand and leaning forward into the conference table they're all sitting at. "I actually like the evil twin theory for this one." 
Hotch's phone vibrates in his pocket. He needs to focus —he can't focus. You've been so heartbreakingly lonely while all of this has been happening, and he loves you, but they have three missing girls to find. 
Time is ticking downward. He's never going to make any headway if he knows you need him on the other side of the phone.
"Just answer it," Rossi says quietly. "Reid's gonna crack it any second now. You have a duty to more than work, my friend." 
Hotch catches it before it goes off. Standing, he buttons his suit jacket again and makes for the door. When it closes, he talks in a measured tone. "Honey," he says, "are you alright?" 
"I'm okay," you say, immediate and bubbly. 
You sound okay, he thinks. "Did you hear anything else from the doctor?" 
"Aaron," you say, a number of emotions in your tone, but mostly love, "they don't call on Sundays, and they never call after six anyways." 
"It's later for you," he remembers.
"I'm so sick of doctors and worrying and worrying about doctors, now I'm worrying about you, did you have to go? 'Cus I know you had to go, but I wish you could've just stayed home. I have this weird bruise I want you to look at–" 
"Hold on. Nothing's wrong?" 
"You're not here. That is so, so wrong." You hiccup. "Woah." 
Hotch blinks to himself, a smile on his lips for the first time in days. "Sweetheart, have you been drinking?" 
"Just what was left of the wine." 
"You mean the one we got last week? That we haven't opened?" 
"Yes." You sound serious. He can imagine your tipsy face, solemnly nodding with eyes wide open.
"Where are you? Still at my apartment?" 
"Is that okay?" 
Hotch closes his eyes. "That's perfect. I don't have to worry about you as long as I know where you are. You haven't taken any painkillers, of course." 
"I'm not silly." 
"That's up for debate. I… I'm glad you're in a good mood, it's good to relax, but no more wine, okay? You'll make yourself sick, and I won't be there to take care of you in the morning." 
"Don't remind me!" Another hiccup. "I think I should've been a special agent, mister Hotchner, so I could come with you all these places and not have to miss you. I love you. I love your face and your hands and the way you always squeeze my hip in the morning when you wake me up." Your forlorn sigh is clear despite the distance. "Do you love me?" 
"Very much, Y/N." 
"I love you. I really didn't mean to drink so much but it actually tasted nicer the more I did." 
"That's how it goes."
"I try to not be disgusting when we have wine together but you weren't here, 'n' I thought I could get sloshed without feeling bad." 
"Why would you feel bad?" he asks, bemused. 
"'Cus you'd have to take care of me, and you take care of everyone. All the time." 
"I like taking care of people. I love taking care of you. You realise that I'd love to take care of you 'sloshed'?" he asks. He can be very honest here, knowing you probably won't remember the entirety of your conversation, but you'll recall how you felt. Well, if you don't get nauseous. "I love looking after you no matter what's wrong. I'm only sorry I can't do it as much as you deserve." 
"You're sorry? That's dumb." 
"Maybe it is." 
"Definitely it is, Aaron. You're way too handsome to bother being sorry." 
Maybe twenty years ago. "In that case, you can stop saying sorry to me altogether." Hotch pauses as a knock rattles the glass behind him. Derek stands on the other side, pointing at Spencer, whose lips are moving a hundred miles an hour. Their smartest member saves the day again. "Honey, I have to go. I'm sorry. I wish I could be with you, you know that? But I really have to go." 
"This is impressive for us, actually, we had like four whole minutes. Bye, handsome, have a good time at camp." 
He snorts. "Bye." 
Hotch takes a split second to collect himself. Your hurting, your drunkenness, your open love for him and the obvious if slurred affection you speak with, he puts everything away and gets ready to do his job. If he does it well enough, he could be home in time to rub your forehead through the hangover. 
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wife-of-all-dilfs · 20 days
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the five stages | f. odair
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masterlist
summary: a journey back to a golden period of time of polaroid pictures, white knitted sweaters, and lively sea-green eyes. why? because in the present, those same pair of eyes are ruthlessly unrelenting and you have no other chance of their escape.
pairing: finnick odair x fem!reader
warnings: heavy angst, vomiting, implied smut, depression, maggots, hallucinations, relieving fluff, mild horror. I don’t want to spoil the story too much, so I won’t be adding any more warnings, sorry y’all. this could be very triggering so please read at your own discretion. some descriptions are quite graphic!
notes: I’m super proud of this one—it’s sorta based off “little talks” by of monsters and men and “on the nature of daylight” by max richer. this fic probably won’t get many views, so I’ll be incredibly grateful for any—if any at all—type of engagement! <33
word count: 8k
The bedroom was cold; dark; empty. Empty even though I still resided in it.
My alarm had gone off two hours ago, yet I hadn’t moved an inch. When I finally turned my head to the side, I found that the space beside me was vacant. Cold; dark; empty—I reached out my hand anyway.
Thirty minutes passed before I wrestled myself out of bed and started making breakfast downstairs. The otherwise warm and flavourful plate of fruit-filled yoghurt and scrambled eggs on toast left my mouth feeling dry and my throat lodged.
It used to be one of my favourite meals. At least, when he was around.
Dishes were piled in the sink, dirty and untouched. I sat on the couch, pondering whether today was the day I would finally get to cleaning them. It wasn’t. I couldn’t. We always did that together. I wondered—if I left them in the sink long enough, would he return? Even just for five minutes to help me put them away? One month and seventeen days had passed, and yet I still entertained this thought religiously.
I wasted an hour running circles round the same contemplations before deciding fresh air, as cliché as it was, might do me some good.
Grey clouds concealed the sun’s warm golden light when I stepped outside, but that was fine—I didn’t like anything golden anymore. But he would want me to leave the house at least once a day, so that’s what I would do. I would go down to the beach beside our—my house and feel the sand collect between my toes as I walked to the water’s edge.
But wasn’t that where he was when it happened? Wasn’t he in water? Didn’t those things pile on top of him? Didn’t they sink their fangs into his neck and tear at his flesh until he was blown to…
Bits of egg, yoghurt and stomach bile sat at my feet. My legs buckled, and I collapsed to the ground in a sandy, tear-stricken heap. Since my lower body had refused to cooperate any longer, it took me until midday to crawl back up the dune and to my front doorstep.
Fuck. I needed to rest.
“I need you to rest, sweetheart.”
“I told you, I’m fine,” I whined. “I’m not sick.”
Finnick placed a bucket on the ground beside the bed. The room smelled of lemon disinfectant—a joy I often found in being sick… That is, if I were sick, which I was not. I must have drunk spoiled milk or eaten something bad during breakfast. Nevertheless, Finnick was not having it.
“You’re throwing up everything you manage to get down, and you’re shivering like it’s the middle of winter,” he said adamantly, tucking the comforter up to my chest. “It’s summer, and you’re very much not fine.”
I sat up, ready to heatedly debate the subject, but the room began swirling, and my ears were hissing like a staticky television channel without a signal. A quiet whimper buzzed in my throat as I hunched forward. Damn him, I was sick.
The mattress dipped as Finnick sat beside me. His hand was on my back, rubbing it soothingly as he used his other hand to tuck away the curtain of hair concealing my face. I huffed, half in annoyance, half in an attempt to suppress the nausea rising in my throat, and then sunk back against the pillows.
“Not sick, she says,” he jested, smiling down at me. I rolled my eyes, though unable to hide the weak, betraying smile creeping across my lips. “Close your eyes, sweetheart,” he said, a gentle command. “I’ll see you when you fall asleep.”
The wooden flooring welcomed me with hard, cold arms as I hauled my sandy body through the front door. Images of fangs, bloody flesh, and panicked sea-green eyes flooded my mind.
More breakfast, more bile. No lemon disinfectant.
My knees were folded beneath my body; my body was hunched over my knees. I was sobbing now, so hard that I threw up again (was there even anything left in my stomach at this point?), creating a thick puddle of vomit and tears beneath me. Cries and gasps for air bounced around the house. To call me a mess would be an understatement. I was a disaster. A disaster wrapped up in an unmendable tragedy with a ragged, threadbare ribbon barely holding me together.
And in case I wasn’t aware of this fact, the floorboards were so shiny that they mirrored a reflection of myself. My hair was a being of its own, all wild and unkempt, and my face was another story entirely—a red, blotchy thing I wasn’t too interested in delving into.
But the most unsettling aspect had nothing to do with me, it was that there was someone else in the reflection. Two green balls of light were glowing above my head.
Dishevelled golden hair…
Dimpled cheeks…
My forehead was pressed to the floor as I screamed.
“I don’t want to make you sick as well,” I said, contrarily enjoying the feeling of Finnick’s skin warm against mine, hot blood flowing through his veins.
A day had passed since I first became unwell, and the sickness had continued to wreak havoc inside me.
We were both under the thick covers, our limbs tangled together as he held me atop his chest. (my body didn’t register the scorching summer temperatures. I actually felt as though my core temperature was a few degrees below freezing. Meanwhile, Finnick was characteristically toasty warm. It was perfect for me, but not so much for him, evident in the beads of sweat collecting on his forehead. Nevertheless, he made no complaints).
My body rose and fell with each breath he took. I was trying to inhale whenever he exhaled in a weak attempt to prevent the festering sickness in my body from entering his, and though it was a futile gesture, I did it anyway.
“In sickness and health, remember?” he said.
I smiled. “We’re not even married.”
“Yet, you mean,” he countered. “I plan on spending the rest of my life with you, sweetheart. You know that.”
My heart fluttered at the thought of spending an entire lifetime with him—waking up in each other’s embrace each morning, the warm sunlight peeking through the blinds of our bedroom; Finnick calling me “Mrs. Odair” or “My wife” at every opportunity because doing so made us both giggle like two moronic, love-struck teenagers; and being unable to prevent the deep smile lines on both our cheeks as we age, a constant display of our perpetual happiness.
“Sixty more years of having and holding you,” he continued with a gentle musing in his tone. “For better or for worse... For richer or for poorer.” He then stroked the side of my face and brushed away the sweaty strands of hair sticking to my forehead. “In sickness and in health…”
“…Until death do us part,” I finished, my voice slow with fatigue.
Two fingers sat beneath my chin and tilted my head upward. My eyes connected with Finnick’s. They were soft. Heartfelt.
“Not even then. I’ll love you beyond the grave,” he murmured. Then his lips were slowly curving into a pensive smile. “When we’re both ghosts and haunting the next owners of this house.”
I was now smiling, too. “I’d hoped you would say something like that.”
How could he lie like that? There was no we. There were no next owners. There was only me, alive and alone in a comatose house. And mind you, I was sane enough to know that it wasn’t actually his ghost haunting me, though I wish I weren’t because having that knowledge was even worse. It meant he was truly erased from existence.
“Go away,” I whispered to the reflection on the floor.
He didn’t. His vacant green eyes kept staring down at my crumpled figure.
I shot off the floor and spun around, hot tears streaming down my face. “Go away!” His face remained expressionless. He looked like himself, only colder. “You said sixty more years! You said we’d be together!” I mindlessly picked up and flung a small picture frame at him, only for it to pass through his body and shatter on the floor behind him. “Why did you lie to me?!” My voice was frayed with fury, though underlined with grief.
He said nothing, did nothing. All he did was watch.
My legs buckled, and I was on the floor again. I was whispering, half-sobbing, the same question over and over until the words slurred together. “Why’d you lie? Why’d y’lie?” The only time I stopped was when my tongue grew too heavy to move anymore.
To my surprise, he eventually came and sat beside me, remaining cold and silent—as I too had become.
Glass fragments from the picture frame were scattered across the floorboards. The photo within had fallen out and, ironically, drifted towards me. I didn’t bother acknowledging him as I moved onto my hands and knees and began crawling forward—my palms slicing open and blood seeping out—until the photo was in my hands. My shins had granules of glass pricking into them, but I couldn’t feel the pain; all I could do was stare at the memory in my hands.
The picture had been taken in District Thirteen, a day before he signed up for… the mission.
I was drifting in and out of sleep when a sudden bright flash lit up my eyelids.
“Oops.”
Heavy eyes fluttering open, I was met with a small camera pointing down at me, which was being held up by a lengthy muscular arm, which was connected to an even more muscular and broad shoulder, which was connected to—okay, sorry, I think you get it.
“Finnick!” I shrieked, pulling the covers over my naked figure.
He laughed, the vibrations rumbling deep within his chest, beneath my ear. A soft whirring sound accompanied the polaroid sliding out of the camera, its black film hiding the doubtless embarrassing picture beneath. He placed the film on the sheets beside him, letting the photo develop in darkness.
“I was supposed to cover the flash,” he said, still chuckling.
I rubbed my eyes, which were twinkling with little sparkles of light. “I think you blinded me.”
“Lucky you,” he jested. “You’re finally free from my repulsive exterior.”
I started to reach for the picture beside him—“You’re an idiot”—but then he was rolling us over until his arms were pillared on either side of my head and he was hovering above me.
His hair was a mess, a testament to the night before (and very early hours of the morning), and he was sporting a beautiful, lazy grin. “Yeah? Well, you’re engaged to an idiot,” he said, tilting his head in an arrogant manner. “So what does that make you?”
The sea-glass ring hugging my finger gleamed in the lamp’s dull light as I reached out to touch his face, my fingertips brushing along the edges of his pronounced jawline. Tangled strands of hair and a beaming smile were reflecting back at me in his eyes. No one had ever loved anyone as much as I loved Finnick—disregarding the one exception that was staring down at me.
“Blinded by love,” I whispered.
Brief yet poignant emotion trickled through his features, his eyes. Then, like a flick of a switch, he covered it up and lowered his face into my neck, groaning the words, “So corny.”
My fingers were tangled in his hair, holding him close to me. “Liar,” I laughed. “You loved it.”
“I love you, which is why I put up with your corniness,” he murmured into my skin.
Even after all this time, my heart still leapt whenever he said those three words, even when he was being a jerk about it. I kissed the top of his head. “I love you, too.”
We laid like this for a short while longer—Finnick keeping his face buried in the warmth of my neck, his arms curled beneath my body; me playing with the golden waves of his hair that were somehow softer than my own. He was so heavy on top of me that it was starting to become difficult to breathe, but in no universe would I ever tell him to get off. It was a blissful sort of suffocation.
A sort anyone would snap a picture of just to keep as a reminder of how beautiful it feels to be smothered with love. With that being said, the picture that lay awaiting beside me was brought back to mind.
“Oh no,” I moaned, picking it up and taking a short glance at the developed photo. I covered my face with my hands, repeating the words, “Oh no.”
The photo was plucked from my fingers, and Finnick began humming contentedly to himself.
In the photo, my face had been nuzzled into his bare, muscular chest, eyes closed in sleep-drunken serenity, hair thrown over my shoulder and spilling across the pillow. My hand rested on his contoured stomach with just enough of my upper arm and low light to conceal my breasts. Finnick had a delicate hand draped over my waist. He was gazing down at me with a smile that was just… full of pure love.
I had to admit—it was a beautiful picture. Despite my initial disapproval.
“Beautiful,” I heard him echo my thoughts, his eyes still scanning the photo. Then his brows furrowed, and his head slightly inched forward as though he had just noticed something peculiar in the picture. “Oh, and you are too, I guess.”
My head tilted back against the pillow with an abrupt laugh. I shook my head, looking back at him. “I hate you.”
“Liar,” he said, leaning in closer.
His lips were on mine for what must have been the millionth time in the past few hours. The bedside clock announced that breakfast was soon approaching, though it was clear neither of us would make an appearance within the next hour (or two).
“You love me,” he whispered as he slid inside me.
And I did.
I really did.
The muscles in my cheeks were straining due to how hard I was smiling.
It wasn’t my idea to keep a picture of us half-naked in the entryway of our home. He always was a bit unusual like that. Completely unashamed of who he was and how he acted. Sometimes a little too boisterously, but that’s what I loved so much about him—how confident he was in his love for me, so much so that nothing else mattered, no one else’s opinion.
God, I love him so much.
Love…?
Wait.
That’s not right.
Shouldn’t it be “loved”?
And why was I smiling? I didn’t have anything to smile about anymore. He was gone. Our wedding never occurred. Our faces never wrinkled with smile lines. Our clasped hands never weathered with age. He was gone.
The polaroid slipped from between my fingers. My hands were covered in glass and blood, blood that had painted a dark red splotch in the middle of the shiny film. Figures.
After a short while of staring blankly at the scattered debris decorating the floor, I finally found it in myself to start climbing back onto my feet. My straightened legs wobbled and ached beneath me with the little energy I had. That’s what happens when you can barely stomach food anymore: no energy, always sleeping, always swamped by nightmares or bittersweet memories—at this point, they were one and the same.
Not a strand of gold or a fleck of green was in sight when I glanced over my shoulder. For now, at least. He liked making an appearance once or twice a day.
Pieces of glass crunched beneath my bare, stinging feet as I made for the stairwell. A mess for another day, I reasoned. Just like the dishes. Sticky red footprints stamped each wooden step I ascended, growing less prominent as I reached the second floor.
After taking a right down a short hallway, the encompassing walls littered with magnificent seashells and dried ocean flora, I turned the knob to the furthest room and entered. The floor was landscaped with mountains of clothes which drenched the room in a familiar, all-consuming smell. The scent kind of reminded me of receiving a warm hug, albeit from someone you know you should let go of in more ways than one.
His hair, golden and tousled, caught my eye as I passed the wall of string-hung polaroids in our… sorry, my bedroom. His smile was all dimpled and brilliant, and he had his tanned arms wrapped around my middle. Just moments after the picture was taken, he had tackled me into the water and rightfully earned a smack on the back of the head. In turn, he did it again.
But before that, we were both looking into the camera with the most joyful expressions—huge grins, bright eyes. Frozen in time.
I never let myself look too long at that picture anymore. And I never, ever looked into his eyes. Green used to be my favourite colour. I didn’t have a favourite colour anymore. It was safe to say I didn’t have a favourite anything anymore; everything favourable was a reminder of him.
I picked up a white knitted sweater off the ground and tugged it over my head, staining it with splotches of dark red. Knowing him, he would wear it regardless—whatever was mine, was also his, and was equally the same in reverse, even things as grotesque as blood.
Well, he would have worn it, I should have said.
The sweater had been specifically tailored for him. I remembered how the soft sleeves hugged his arms so well that every fluid curve of his biceps was visible, similar to a building wave before it crested. On me, the sleeves swallowed my arms whole, which I liked to think in their own unique way had also been unintentionally tailored for me, like someone out there knew one day I would need some way to drown in him when he was gone.
Finnick’s fingers tugged at the silk ribbons, unwrapping the opulent gift box that sat on our dining table. Capitol devotees would send extravagant parcels weekly, turning up in abundance on our doorstep. Sometimes Finnick didn’t even bother opening them; sometimes we opened them together just to get a good laugh out of whatever ridiculous item was inside.
He never, though, opened the perfume-scented letters marked with lipstick stains.
“Oh,” I said in surprise as he lifted the lid. Inside was a folded piece of fabric, knitted and cream-white and intricate, though still simple. It was soft to the touch; thick enough to retain warmth. I held it up with two hands, admiring the hand-sewed threads of cotton. Whoever’s handiwork this was, it was nothing to laugh at.
Holding it up to Finnick’s torso, I smiled and said, “Try it on.”
“What?” He shook his head and smiled quizzically. “No.”
“Yes. I think it will look good on you.” I pressed it further against him with conviction. “Try it on.”
He tilted his head and exhaled deeply through his nose, giving me a begrudging, squinty-eyed look. From that, I already knew I had won him over, and watched as he snatched the sweater from my grasp and tugged his shirt off with one hand. I averted my eyes, feeling the tips of my ears flush with heat—we’d been together for over a year now; you would think I’d have grown accustomed to seeing him shirtless.
His head slipped through the neckline and he pulled the sweater down his body. I was right. It looked really good on him. Perfect, actually. The measurements were so precise that the fabric sloped off his shoulders like a compact mountain of snow. The thick-knitted collar dipped into a deep, uneven neckline that partly revealed his chest and made his neck look like a strong, contoured pillar. He looked at me expectantly, as though to ask, “Well?”
“It makes your neck and shoulders look really nice,” I blurted out, instantly cringing inside.
His expression contorted into something of amusement and surprise as he took a slow step towards me. “My neck and shoulders, huh?” he said, grinning devilishly. Oh, now I’d done it. Leave it to me to rocket Finnick Odair’s already atmospheric ego. “Anything else?”
I began backing away, but his prowling strides were so long that the space between us only shortened. When my backside hit the edge of the dining table, I knew I was done for.
“You know,” I began, avoiding his unrelenting stare. “I think it was just a momentary lapse of judgement.” He was closing in now, placing his hands on either side of my body to trap me in place. “It—It actually looks terrible on you,” I said, feigning sincerity and adding a little nod to help further my case.
His eyelids drooped as he gazed down at me, lips curving into that seductive smirk he had mastered long ago. “No takebacks,” he purred, voice low and gravelly. Dear God, I could only pray I wasn’t going to melt into a puddle on the floor. He always did this—took every opportunity to flirt and render me a stuttering, bashful mess. It was his favourite game to play. “This is now my new favourite shirt. All thanks to you, sweetheart.”
But, given the right timing and ever-wavering amount of confidence, I liked to play too.
I inhaled deeply, hoping my voice wouldn’t betray me. “Maybe you should take it off then,” I said, cocking my head to the side. “So you don’t ruin it.”
His mischievous expression revealed his next words before he even spoke them. “Maybe I will,” he said, and then he was tugging his sweater over his head, and I was tearing off my own. As his hands slipped beneath my thighs and lifted me onto our dining table, I prayed the wooden legs wouldn’t collapse under the weight of our next actions.
My fingertips ran over the soft, rippling patterns on the knitted sleeves, my arms crossed in a self-soothing manner. After that day, the sweater had become a sort of good luck charm—or so we agreed upon as we lay panting on the tabletop. He started wearing it to a multitude of events and parties in the Capitol (basically any place in which he needed a pick-me-up, a reminder of what he had to come home to, who he had to come home to).
He even wore it the day we got engaged.
So many happy memories were associated with this one white sweater. So many times, those cloud-soft sleeves were wrapped around my body, suffocating me in the scent of him—if nothing else, at least that remained.
The last time he had worn it was the day of the Reaping for the Quarter Quell; the last time our lives were ever semi-normal. I had fought tooth and nail to reach him before he was escorted onto the train, despite being ordered, “No goodbyes,” by one of the Peacekeepers. In modest terms, I had significantly decreased his chances of reproduction.
When I reached Finnick, he had brought me into a kiss so harsh and fervent that my lips were bruised the next day. He then yanked off his sweater, leaving his upper body completely exposed to everyone around us in complete disregard for his trauma-induced fear of doing so, and shoved it into my hands.
I had just stood there frozen in bewilderment, watching as he called out, “I love you, sweetheart!” Two Peacekeepers were forcing him onto the train, but he too fought for the last word. “Don’t forget—I’m always with you!”
That statement had never been truer than it was now. For better or for worse.
My vision unblurred as I returned to reality. Dismal, grey light was peeking through the shutters that formed the balcony doors, the daylight hours seeming to tick away at a snail’s pace. I used to wish for the days to be longer, for time to move slower, so I could savour the moments I had of happiness and sunlight which used to be plentiful.
Why do wishes only come true when you grow to desire nothing but the opposite?
Slothfully, I crawled onto the unmade king-size bed, my limbs crumpling and balling to my chest as the side of my head hit the pillow. The imprint on the mattress beneath my body didn’t match my own. It was much larger and broader. How long would it take for the springs to forget his body weight and recoil back into place as though he never existed at all?
I inhaled the sweater’s scent with every breath I took (and I tried not to wonder how long it would take for his scent to disappear as well) and hugged my arms around my waist. No pain was worse than the fleeting moments I forgot the embrace was my own and not his.
Hours passed, and so did the evening. A beautiful orange sunset hadn’t slipped through the shutter’s cracks because the clouds never dissipated. Night-time brought no consolation either. Not even the stars or moon made an appearance. Everything that once gave me a shred of optimism was hidden behind a veil of gloom.
I knew tomorrow wouldn’t be any different—the weather, my mood, his absence. Because the end of autumn was closing in, and the days were becoming bleaker. Trees would start shedding their leaves; the leaves would start to die.
I hoped I would too.
I was still curled up on my side, my body aching with stiffness, when my face began scrunching into this ugly, twisted mess of despair. My tears were slow yet heavy, synonymous with the day I had incurred.
But then something strange happened.
Someone called my name.
No. That couldn’t be right. I was the only one who occupied a house in the Victor’s Village; the others had either relocated after the war or were… dead.
But there it was again—my name, distant and eerie, yet spoken with a tone people often used to beckon over and aid a frightened, injured animal. My vision blurred, both from tears and concentration on the voice.
“Hey.”
I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment my surroundings transformed into a kitchen, just that they had and that I was no longer in my bed but standing upright.
Ahead of me, in the distance, the sun was beating down on the crystalline water, and white frothy waves were cresting on the smooth, golden sand. It was a perfect day; not a cloud was in sight. The only blemish that smeared the blue sky was the reflection staring back at me from the window I gazed out of.
In my hands was a soup bowl and a damp dishrag.
“Sweetheart?” That once distant voice, concerned and beckoning, was standing right beside me.
Blinking, I snapped out of my daze and turned away from the window.
He stood tall beside me, despite being half hunched over the kitchen sink and scrubbing the last of the few dirty dishes stacked neatly on the bench top. His head was turned towards me, his enamoured sea-green eyes peering into my own as though he was searching behind them for what troubled me.
“Hey,” he spoke softly, standing up straight. His touch was warm and gentle as he reached for my hand, leaving soapy bubbles on my palm and fingers. “Where’d you go?”
Three odd things seemed to occur at once: first, I flinched away from his touch, overwhelmed by its paradoxical unfamiliar familiarity; second, I felt an inexpressible relief from seeing him standing before me, seeing his cheeks painted with a soft pink hue as though blood-red roses were hidden just beneath his skin.
The third was an onset of disorientation. I couldn’t tell you why I felt disorientated standing in my own kitchen with the love of my life, just, simply, that I did. There was an answer—it was close by, right under my nose, yet unreachable. We did this every day, didn’t we? We would eat meals together and then wash up together. So, why did I feel so unsettled?
I shook my head, dispelling the confusion that muddled my brain. “Sorry,” I whispered. “I don’t know what happened.” I laughed uneasily, without a hint of mirth.
He laughed too, not to poke fun or because he found my obvious turmoil amusing, but rather to comfort me, so I would feel less alone in my unease. “It’s alright,” he said gently.
Neither of us addressed what had happened; we simply resumed our routine of washing and drying in domestic silence. And as seconds turned to minutes, and as the sky remained sunny, I found myself smiling. All that mattered was that he was standing beside me and that the sun was beaming in the sky. So, I kept smiling.
After I finished drying the last dish, we began placing the plates, bowls, and an abundance of cutlery in their assigned drawers and cupboards, weaving past each other and giggling anytime we got in one another’s path. I was carrying a stack of white plates, eyeing the high cupboard they needed to go in, but before I could even attempt straining onto my toes, the plates were out of my hands and taken into another much larger pair.
The smell of sea salt and expensive cologne wafted from behind me as he towered over my shorter frame and placed the plates in the cupboard.
“I could have done that,” I said, smiling as I turned around to face him.
He had a playful glint in his eye. “Yeah, right. What are you, like, four feet tall?” he joked.
It was an extreme exaggeration since I was no way near that height, but I suppose everyone was miniature in comparison to him, being over six feet tall and all. I feigned open-mouthed offence, to which he gave the side of my head a quick, playful kiss of apology.
He then leaned against the counter with crossed arms. “Plus, when was the last time you actually put these dishes away? I’m surprised you even remember where they go.” He was grinning at me in a teasing manner, but every ounce of humour had drained from my body.
My eyes drifted to the floor.
Well, that was the question, wasn’t it—when was the last time I put the dishes away?
I couldn’t remember. In fact, I couldn’t remember what had happened this morning or the day before. Hell, I couldn’t even remember what we were doing before the dishes.
To be standing in a room, in a place you call home, and have a sense that nothing is in its right place, even though that is where everything has always been, is a disconcerting feeling beyond belief. To be perplexed by your own state of being—your existence—is even worse. I could almost describe it as a nauseating bout of vertigo.
My hands found the counter’s edge behind me, and I exhaled a shaky breath.
He stepped in front of me, one large and gentle hand reaching up to cup my jaw. “Are you okay?” he asked, his forehead wrinkling with shallow worry lines as he inspected my face. I hated that. I hated that I worried him so much. Sure, partners were supposed to lean on each other for support in a relationship (as he too did with me when needed), but I always felt so guilty doing so. Hadn’t he already suffered enough… pain in his lifetime? Who was I to cause him any more?
A sunbeam suffused the room, oozing across his face. The illumination lightened his eyes into a refreshing mint green, though, in contradiction, unearthed a pain that had been previously been concealed. Pain from what, I wasn’t sure. From concern regarding my unusual behaviour? Maybe a thought that was troubling him? Or perhaps he too was enduring a spell of confusion and had an inexplicable feeling that he was out of place.
Whatever his pain regarded, seeing it had rattled the deepest structures in which held my mind together.
It was then that I suddenly realised I hadn’t answered his question, so I gave him a wan “I’m-not-too-sure-myself” smile and then began slinking back to the sink window.
He followed behind me. I could feel him staring into the back of my head, could feel his brows draw together and his lips pull into a tight line, patiently waiting for a further explanation, though I wasn’t sure I could offer him one.
I hadn’t noticed before, but on the windowsill was a small picture frame containing a polaroid picture of us in bed—I was lying on his chest, half-naked and asleep, and he was looking down at me, smiling fondly yet with a sort of mischievous knowability. Running down the middle of the protective glass was a small, jagged crack.
I plucked the frame from the windowsill, inspecting the picture in my two hands. It seemed to uncover a place in my mind—once clouded by disorientation—I’d forgotten. Whether this place was real or imaginary was beyond me, but the fear I felt upon its recollection was incandescently genuine.
“Do you think,” I spoke tentatively, “people can have nightmares while they’re wide awake?” My thumb ran over the crack.
I might have heard him inhale a quiet, sharp breath, but it also could have just been the waves breaking on the distant shore. “Like a flashback?” he asked, an unidentifiable unease in his tone.
“No, not exactly.” I searched my brain for the right words, the right way to tell him how I was feeling, but it was difficult when I could only conjure vague fragments. And it was all I could do to tell it to him elliptically, as I knew saying the words in any other manner would shatter my heart.
“I had this vision,” I began, my words apprehensively staccato, “where I was somewhere else.” My eyes flickered over the picture. “Somewhere… bad. Everything was grey and heavy, and I was alone. Sometimes you were there, but you—you weren’t really you anymore.” I paused and looked up to find him staring at me in the reflection of the window. He looked pained; it was then suddenly hard to recollect a time when he didn’t. My throat started to constrict. “You were gone and…” my voice quietened to a broken wisp of wind, “you were haunting me.”
The room was silent.
He said nothing in response
The transparency of his reflection in the glass was so familiar—so haunting—and it was like another forgotten matter had been dredged from the depths of my mind. Stinging tears brimmed my waterline, and, due to my inability to bear the sight of his translucent appearance, I forced myself to turn around.
I glanced up at him, smiling weakly as I whispered, “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head as if my need to apologise was nonsensical (even I was unsure of what I was apologising for), and he then pulled me into a tight embrace. His chin rested atop my head; my face was buried in his chest, and his arms held me like I was some dilapidated structure that relied on his support to remain upright. Part of me knew this sentiment was correct.
I expected his next words to be ones of consolation or reassurance, maybe an “I’m right here, sweetheart” or an “I’ll never leave you”. Instead, I felt his head turn and heard him say, “Think it’s going to storm?”
With a sniffle, I turned my head towards the window. The arms wrapped around my body tightened as if he somehow knew I would need the extra support. Because when I saw the wall of dark, opaque clouds rolling through the sky towards us, an unshakeable dread zapped through my heart.
My hands clung to the fabric of his cream-white sweater, which then brought to my attention that an inexplicable tingling sensation was spreading down the fingers of my right hand, numbing them.
Lightning flashed on the horizon, and the once serene waves began cresting violently on the shoreline. The dread grew.
Before my attention could drift too far, my name was called again.
I looked up to find those green eyes gazing down at me, swelling with tears. He was crying. Why was he crying? And why was his hair wet? His usually golden strands had darkened to a deep brown and were drenched with cold water that dripped onto my cheeks, and his hair was swept haphazardly across his forehead, a reflection of someone who had just endured an intense storm or had just been fighting for his life against a swarm of—of—
No.
My own eyes began to burn.
“It’s killing me to see you this way,” he spoke, every second word breaking and wavering in volume.
The world seemed to tilt on an axis. Return did the disorientation, ravaging my mind more violently now. “What do you”—My chest was rising and falling with heavy breaths—“What? What do you mean?” My lower lip was quivering, and my eyebrows were scrunched together in confusion. His words replayed in my head: It’s killing me to see you this way.
It’s killing me.
His hair was dripping—no longer with water, but with a thick, red substance that both dripped down and clotted on his skin. He didn’t look pained anymore; he looked like he was in pain.
It’s killing me.
But that can’t be right, can it?
It’s killing me.
Why?
It’s killing me.
Becausemy Finnickwas already dead.
I staggered backwards and out of his, no, this imposter’s arms. He stared at me as blood streamed down his forehead, pouring over his eyelashes and down his cheeks. I was going to be sick. This had to be some sort of cruel joke, a newly invented punishment from Snow. But that wasn’t right either: Snow was dead too.
“F…Fi…” I tried saying his name, my top teeth prodding the inside of my bottom lip, but I couldn’t make a sound.
He took a step towards me, and I almost stumbled onto the floor. “Remember what I told you?” he asked, though it sounded more like an urge.
I frantically shook my head. No, I didn’t remember. I didn’t want to remember anything.
Something dark and mountainous appeared in my peripheral vision, and an odious smell singed my nostrils. My head snapped to the left. Stacks upon stacks of plates and bowls mounded the kitchen sink, each crawling with maggots that were falling to the floor in white, wriggling heaps.
Nausea boiled in my stomach; horror brimmed my eyes.
I quickly turned away, my eyes meeting green again. His face was no longer stained with blood, and his hair was dry, shiny, and golden with life. I was as speechless as my face was drained of blood.
He took one more step toward me, but this time I didn’t back away, either frozen with fear or desperation for one last experience of closeness with him. My heart thrummed as he reached out to cup my face. It isn’t him, it isn’t him, it isn’t him, I repeated madly in my head. Oh, but it felt so much like him when his warm hand met my skin.
“I told you I’m always with you, sweetheart,” he murmured. And I knew engaging with him, in whatever form he took, affirmed my mental unwellness, but I couldn’t stop from leaning into his touch anyway. “Remember that.”
My cheeks were wet with tears. “I love—”
A bolt of lightning flashed, and thunder boomed throughout the house.
I was back in my bed.
My eyelids were heavy with sleep as they fluttered open. I felt detached, destabilised, and unsure of my existence in the world for I wasn’t sure which of the twoI was currently in. Real or fake?
A few minutes went by before I managed to get a grip on reality, which, in fact, was the real one. The Somewhere Bad. I pinched the corners of my eyes, not only finding them damp with fresh tears but also realising that my right hand—previously tucked beneath my head—was numb.
None of it had been real…
The entire time, my body was trying to alert me, to save me from the inescapable heartache I would feel upon waking. He hadn’t held me in his arms. He hadn’t cupped my cheek nor helped me wash the dishes. He wasn’t here. He wasn’t anywhere (not even in his own marked grave because there was nothing left of him to be buried).
Even despite seeing the familiar tall outline standing in the doorway, his features illuminated with each flash of lightning, I knew it wasn’t really him.
Rain was pummelling the roof, almost loud enough to subdue the perpetual rumbling of thunder (apart from the one sky-splitting thunderclap that had woken me). In another time, I would’ve been scared—of the raging storm, of my phantom lover who was watching from the shadows of our bedroom. But not now.
In recent months, I had found that no emotion, not even fear, surpassed the soul-crushing realisation that you have irretrievably lost the one thing you lived for.
On a defeated whim, and for the first time since his death, I let the singular, weighted word breeze past my lips.
“Finnick.”
It was a trembling plea, a desperate beckon.
And he indulged.
His footsteps were silent as he walked towards the bed. I couldn’t see his legs from my position, prompting me to wonder if he even had legs at all. Or did he only have legs when I could see them? That would then insinuate that if I couldn’t see him at all, he didn’t exist.
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? In my case, the answer was simple: no, it didn’t.
It wasn’t really Finnick. It wasn’t even his ghost. It was my mind.
He reached the bed’s edge, and I scooted over to my side of the mattress, allowing him enough space to lie down on his. His weight neither dipped nor shook the bed as he laid down and turned on his side to face me. His eyes were sad, and I’m sure mine were too. We stared at each other for a long, long time, long enough for my fatigued body to start playing tricks on me.
If I focused hard enough, I thought I could hear the sound of his breathing (the wind was picking up outside), feel the warmth of his skin spreading onto the sheets (the remnants of my own body heat were left behind each time I moved), and smell the musky scent of cologne and sea-salted hair (the sleeves of his sweater were tucked beneath my nose).
Maybe for a moment—just one sickly, self-indulgent moment—I could pretend it was really him.
I inhaled deeply through my nose. “You really weren’t kidding when you said you would haunt the next owner of this house,” I whispered as light-heartedly as I could, my voice obscured by the heavy rain pouring onto the roof.
He smiled, and it was one of the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful things I had ever seen. I think I might have given him one in return, though I couldn’t be too sure because the concept of smiling had become so foreign. The last time I was truly happy was… the last night we spent together. In each other’s arms, safe and warm and together.
And then he was gone. Just like that.
Cressida, whom I had only spoken to once in Thirteen when the war ended, was the one to tell me how it happened. Katniss was too personal, too close to him; Peeta’s instability rendered conversation futile. So, I had asked Cressida to tell me every detail—every expression on his face, every word he screamed. I don’t know why. Maybe it was so I could cling onto those last few minutes where he was still alive and breathing, despite dying and bleeding; or so I could replay the moment over and over in my head, as if somehow, someway, I could change his fate.
“He talked about you all the time,” she had told me. “Actually, I don’t think he ever spoke of anything but you. No one minded, though. While we were out there, no one ever really smiled, but every time your name was mentioned, Finnick would get this great big grin on his face, and it was impossible not to look at him and start smiling as well.
So, we all started asking questions about you: ‘What colour is her hair? Her eyes? Where did you meet? What are her hobbies?’—just to see him smile… A week passed, and it was like we all knew you inside out. It was all we could do to hang on to some shred of happiness, even if it meant talking about a girl who, to all of us, was a stranger.”
I was inconsolable after that.
She kept talking, but my sobs had drowned out most of her words, so much that I had asked her to retell me everything later in the day, despite inducing the same outcome. So, she told it to me again, just as she did the day after that and the day after that and so on until I returned home to District Four.
“He also spoke about how you never felt comfortable living in the Victors Village. He had this idea that the two of you would move somewhere far away, outside the borders of District Four­, though he emphasised remaining by the sea was very important—something about how you looked while swimming during sunset and the water was all sparkly around you.”
At this point, she had been holding my hand, knowing full well how debilitating it was for me to hear. Then she had spoken with a quiet incredulity and a facial expression to match, as though she’d never encountered a love like ours before. “He wanted to build a house for you…”
He wanted to build a house for you.
And now he never would. Our love was too ephemeral for that to happen; destined to remain history; to be a memory.
Finnick's eyes stared into mine, the green hue now a dark grey from the overshadowing dimness of the room.
“I would’ve gone anywhere with you,” I whispered to him, placing my hand on the sheets between us. “I would’ve travelled thousands of miles away from this place. Would’ve lived in solitary, just the two of us, for the rest of our lives.” A warm tear tickled the bridge of my nose. His eyebrows scrunched together in shared anguish. “God, Finn, I miss you,” my voice broke. “I miss you so much.”
I contemplated crying, sobbing, screaming, or begging for him to come back, but I was just too tired. All my energy had been spent on grievance throughout the following day, and my eyes were growing heavier by the second as my body was sinking further into a state of relaxation.
Between slow blinks, I watched Finnick’s large hand move to rest atop my own, and at that point, I knew sleep would soon catch me because I swear I could feel his warm touch.
Images flashed through my mind—incomprehensible and melting together, yet somehow still graspable.
Sky blue water rippling with calm waves, the surface glittering in the setting sun. A white stonewall cottage fronted by soft, white sand and tall palm trees. Two plates of fruit-filled yoghurt and scrambled eggs on toast. Three pairs of footprints in the sand, one larger, one smaller, and another between them so delicately tiny I could fit them into the palm of my hand.
Sea-green eyes above me. Golden hair tangled between my fingers. Finnick standing in the wooden doorway of our white stonewall cottage wearing a cream-white sweater and rolled-up slacks. Finnick grinning deeply and then throwing his head back with laughter. Finnick standing in front of our bed, taking my hand in his and guiding me towards him. Finnick. Finnick. Finnick. Finnick. Finnick.
Finnick holding our child.
I was between worlds now, both indistinguishable from the other. My eyelids were drooping, and I was quickly growing insensate. Just before my eyes closed completely, I saw Finnick’s—he who wasn’t really my Finnick—lips move. It wasn’t in my bleak reality in which I heard him speak, but rather in my mind, and God, did his words offer the sweetest relief.
“I’ll see you when you fall asleep.”
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shegetsburned · 6 months
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დ 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬. | 𝐦𝐝𝐧𝐢 {𝟏𝟖+}
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𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 : you and Shiu Kong have been fuck buddies for a while, now. one day, when he calls to make sure you’re free for your usual wednesday session, you tell him you can’t see him anymore.
He always texts, before getting to your apartment, to make sure you’re not busy. He prefers it that way since he’s mainly busy with clients and doesn’t have time to call you, but tonight, he’s feeling extra needy and presses your number to hear your voice.
Shiu sounds exhausted, probably after a long day at work, but he still wants to do this, it’ll help his soul. You can never tell when he’s tired. His eyes always look so sleepy.
"I’m coming over, around nine." as usual, he invites himself whenever he wants to, but you get to fuck Shiu Kong so you often allow him to impose an hour. This time it’s different though.
"we can’t do this tonight, shiu."
His first thought is that you’re probably joking. You guys have been doing this for months and haven’t had any problems, keeping this low-key and on his terms. You both were in accord with those terms, so what could possibly be the problem?
Unfortunately, you have been seeing someone for a while and that man has invited you to his home, for the first time.
"what do you mean?" His tone is detached, he doesn’t want you to know it annoys him. It makes this more complicated than it has to be.
You start to explain why you guys won’t be able to do this on any other wednesdays, not anymore. You try not to linger on your explanations because you know a few words speak a lot for Shiu.
He literally doesn’t care, though, you’re his.
"It doesn’t matter. It’s wednesday, doll." You’re literally able to turn his brain off. He needs this. You can hear Shiu’s irritation through the phone, but he tries to stay calm. "you don’t get to cancel our nights. we agreed on those terms."
Trying to explain that everything is going to change, from now on, is useless. Shiu is set on having you for tonight, and whether you have this date or not doesn’t matter to him.
What does matter is that you’ve had time to meet someone and he’s just been busy working and thinking about fucking you.
Shiu has been non-stop thinking about your cute whines, when he presses his weight against you to enter you deeper. The sound you make when you moan his name, so he knows he’s doing you so well. The way he studies your curves with his hands and feels the shiver on your skin when he breathes against your neck.
Shiu misses it more than ever tonight, and it bothers him to know another man could have what he has. He’s probably rubbing his forehead, debating on whether or not he should listen to his impulse.
"I’m on my way." He’s stubborn, and you’re begging him to stop wasting his time, but he won’t give up so easily. "what are you gonna do? toss and turn in his bed while thinking of me instead?" Shiu thinks it’s ridiculous that you could believe another man can pleasure you as well as he does, and he’s probably right.
You’re thinking of how well he massages your clit with his thumb, how he explores exactly the right spots with his fingers between your legs, how his touch sends shivers down your entire being and how his hard cock fits so well into you.
Nobody knows how to satisfy you like Shiu, and you bet it won’t change with the arrival of this new guy. He reads into your thoughts. "honey, he’ll never give you what you need."
That same night, you end up under Shiu Kong just like all the other wednesdays, after declining the other man’s invitation. You’re not able to detach yourself from the pleasure Shui gives you. He’ll fuck you stupid, before leaving for work the next morning, this time leaving his jacket behind for you to know he won’t allow you to have this kind of relationship with anyone but him.
© shegetsburned 2023. Please do not repost/edit/or claim my writing as your own.
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lovelybrooke · 5 months
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Darling, Let us Love you (Yandere Ouran High School Host Club) Chapter 2.
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Series Masterlist--Regular Masterlist
---
You were kind of embarrassed to admit that you wanted to see Haruhi again. After yesterday's ordeal, you didn't want to see or hear anything regrading the Host Club again, but Haruhi was an exception. He was nice, and seemed genuinely sorry for the way his club mates behaved, even texting you afterwords again to apologize.
You haven't seen him all today, which made sense. You weren't in the same class, so you didn't cross paths often. You debated texting him and asking if he'd like to eat lunch with you, but you decided not to as to not seem desperate. Either way, he was probably going to spend time with his club mates, not someone he met a few days ago.
"(Y/n)! Are you listening?" You were broken out of your trance by a shrill sound coming from your phone. It was your coworker, how you couldn't remember the name of even if you tried. "I need you to cover my shift for the next few weeks! Please!" They begged you as you winced away from the phone.
"Yeah, okay, sure." You respond, which gets a relieved sigh from your coworker. They thank you furiously before hanging up, leaving you alone in one of the many gardens of the school.
You started coming out here when your art teacher said you were spending too much time in his classroom. It hurt a bit to be called out like that, but hey, it's his classroom, so you really can't complain. The peacefulness of the garden was nice. There wasn't many people there often, except for the few garden club members, which didn't take much mind to you.
That peacefulness however, was broken by the what could only be described as the loud, excited gasp of a child. Though, when you looked towards the sound, you were only met with Honey. He was sitting on the shoulders of a much taller, much more stoic student, his eyes brimming with excitement, which was a stark contrast to your clear confusion.
"(Y/N)-chan! Hi~" He giggled, waving at you from his high position "What are you doing here?"
You stare dumbly at your phone as you attempt to recover from your shock. "I-uh...had to take a call from my coworker." You mumble, motioning to your phone a bit. He nods, a smile still on his face as whispers something to the one holding him, before he's promptly placed down on his side.
"(Y/n)-chan, have you had lunch yet?" You shake your head no. The upperclassman gasps, taking your hand with overwhelming energy. "You should come have lunch at the Host Club, Haru-chan would love to see you!" You feel yourself growing embarrassed at the statement. Haruhi was thinking of you? Before you could look anymore stupid, you shake your head slightly, peering down at the boy.
"Are you sure, I mean--isn't there club stuff going on during lunch?" Honey shakes his head a bit.
"There is, but it's not that big of a deal, come on!" Before you could even protest, you were being pulled out of the garden at impressive speed by the upperclassman. You try your best to avoid the gaze of the people around you, all looking in either jealously or confusion. Behind you, there was Honey's friend, who you heard referred to as Mori-senpai in passing. It doesn't take you long to remember that he was in the host club too, and that you just never got his name. That must've been why you didn't recognize him earlier.
"Honey-senpai, why were you and Mori at the garden anyway?" You ask when you finally calm down. You hear Honey giggle, and you notice that you're no longer being pulled by him. You're at the host club, and Honey is looking up at you with admittedly cute eyes.
"Me and Mori were going to get lunch when we saw you." He explains. "I thought it be nice to eat lunch together, right?" He giggles, but strangely waits for you to respond.
"Yeah--I guess." You hoped you sounded convincing, you really didn't want to upset an upperclassman. Honestly, you'd rather be anywhere other than the host club right now, but it wasn't like Honey really gave you any choice, any the thought of seeing Haruhi did seem nice.
Honey lets out yet another adorable giggle, before opening the doors to the club. You feel your breath hitch when you step into the room. It was so bright, and the smell of tea, coffee, and cake waft through the air. A part of you felt comforted, until you heard the squeals of girls as they talk to the host and then you're brought back to reality.
You look around the room a bit, and of course, you were met with the sight of the hosts doing their best to romance the girls around them. You weren't one to judge, especially when it came to money, but honesty, is this really what rich people spend their money on?
"Oh-(Y/n), welcome in." It was him again, Kyoya, the scary one with glasses. You don't waste time looking over at him. He, like always, was smiling, but you really couldn't tell the true meaning behind it. "What brought you here today, I'm positive you couldn't afford anything." He mumbled the last part, but you heard him loud and clear.
Before you could offer him offer him a smart reply, Honey butted it. "We're going to eat lunch together, right (Y/n)-chan?" Honey grips your hand, tight. It made you look down at him, but he was already looking at you. Unlike earlier, you weren't moved by his gaze, but instead, slightly afraid. You feel as though you have no choice but to nod. Instantly, his face light up, and he was back to being the adorable boy you knew him as.
You were pulled away from Kyoya and placed on a fancy looking couch. In front of you was an assortment of cakes and teas, all which looked mouth watering. Honey and Mori both sit down at a couch across from you, Honey looking ten times more excited than Honey, who still appeared ridged and aloof. "Go on, take one, they're super yummy." Honey says when he notices your hesitance. You wait a moment, like if you took a bite someone would run up and swat it out of your hand. After a while, and much insistence by Honey, you take a bite of chocolate cake, and it was amazing. It melted in your mouth and had so much delicious flavor. You wanted to keep eating it forever and ever, until you realized it was gone.
"Did you like it?!" Honey looks at you expectingly, his smile widening when you nod. He pushes a few more plates of cake to you and you happily take them.
"Hey~What are you doing here?" You look over to your side, your mouth filled with cake and your eyes wide. Of course, Hikaru was on your right, and it wasn't too much to assume that Kaoru was on your left. At this point, the twins were no longer that much of a surprise to you. You slowly swallow your cake before acknowledging the two.
"Oh--hey."
"...Thats all you have to say?" You hear Hikaru ask. You shrug, moving to grab another slice of cake, much to Honey's happiness.
"They're eating cake with me! I would offer some to you both, but it looks like we're all out." The table was devoid of any food, plates and crumbs being the only thing left. Did you seriously eat that much already, you swear you only had like three slice. Honey must've ate a bunch while you were in cake heaven.
"That's no big deal Honey, that's not why we're here." Kaoru says, tilting his head towards you. "We wanted to ask (Y/n) here to our party next week." A dramatic gasp leaves Honey's mouth, diverting your attention from the orange haired brothers to him. His eyes were wide, just like his smile.
"Oh! I almost forgot!" Honey gasps, making you confused.
"What party?" You question.
"The Host Club is hosting a party for the end of the semester." Kyoya, who suddenly appeared behind the couch you and the twins were sitting on, said. "It's a great way to wish farewell to our wonderful customers before winter break." What he really means is to make some extra money before his entire clientele leaves. You nod along with his words, not really caring about what he was saying.
"Sorry, I'm not really the party type, y'know?" You attempt to let the twins down, but they persist.
"C'mon--it's not like we're asking you on a date. We just want to see you out of your shell, you're so quiet all the time." Okay, ouch. You did think they were asking you on a date, but Hikaru didn't have to be so mean about it. Kaoru from his spot on your left reaches behind the couch to smack his brother on the shoulder, sending him a glare.
"What my brother meant to say," Kaoru puts a hand on your arm, it was a comforting presence in comparison to his brother. "Is that we think you'd have fun, we know we would if you were there." Kaoru whispers to you. You feel your throat tighten up at the close proximity, making you so nervous you stand right up, placing your plate down awkwardly on the table in front of you.
Attempting to calm yourself down, you wipe your hands on your pants, eyes darting from the twins to the floor in a panic. You had to come up with something, or else you'd be stuck he fumbling around forever. "I--uh--can't. Have to cover my coworkers shift for the next few weeks, I'll be packed."
"We haven't even told you what date the dance would be though." You can hear the subtle teasing behind Kyoya's words, the smirk seemingly never ending. It made your stomach flip, and you questioned just running out of the room entirely before the glorious sound of the school bell rung in your ears.
"I-I'm sorry, I just can't...thank you for the invite though. Bye." You awkwardly bow before rushing out of the room.
"Hika-chan! Why'd you have to go and make them nervous." Honey chides the boy. Hikaru doesn't respond, neither does his brother, both of them staring at the door you left out of.
---
You swear, embarrassment is a curse.
You couldn't stop thinking about the twins, their sharp smiles and annoying giggles. The way they embarrassed you in the Host Club and wouldn't leave you alone. It's tiring, and it makes you nervous for how Haruhi thinks. You wonder if Haruhi thinks you're a mess now, if he's embarrassed of you and that's why he hasn't talked to you since that day in the club room.
Unknown Number: Hey!
The buzzing of your phone interrupts your nervous thinking.
(Y/n) (L/n): I'm sorry, who's this.
Unknown Number: It's Kaoru. I got your number from Haruhi.
You nod to yourself, typing in Kaoru's name in your contacts.
Kaoru: I just wanted to apologize for Hikaru, I know what he said was mean, but we genuinely meant it. We would really like for you to come to the party, it would make it way more fun.
You sigh. It was impossible to stay mad at Kaoru. He was a sweet boy, and you couldn't deny how nice he made you feel. Was it weird to feel this way towards someone you just met, probably. But he was kind to you, so it wasn't terrible.
(Y/n) (L/n): I understand, don't worry. I wish I could go, but I really am busy.
Kaoru takes a while to respond, bubbles popping up and disappearing over and over before finally replying.
Kaoru: That's fine! Though, if you reconsider, I'd love to take you, like as a date, not just to hang out.
Two times today did Kaoru nearly make your heart stop, it was hammering so hard in your chest that you were sure it was going to break out. You kept staring at the message until somehow you worked up the courage to respond.
(Y/n) (L/n): I'll think about it, not promises though.
Kaoru: Okay, okay. I'll take to you later. Bye, bye <3
Ugh, these twins were going to be the death of you.
"Hey, there you are." You look away from your phone, staring up at Haruhi. It was almost surprising to see him there, somehow your conversation with Kaoru nearly made you forget about Haruhi, as bad as that sounds.
Haruhi takes a quick glance at your phone, eying the contact before you're able to shut it off. "Oh, I was going to tell you know, but I guess Kaoru texted you first." He rubs the back of his head awkwardly, blushing a bit. "Yeah, he said he had something important to ask you, so I gave it to him. Hope you're not mad at me." He takes a seat next to you as you shake your head.
"Oh, it's no big deal. It wasn't that important anyway." Haruhi nods his head, silence falling over you two. It was awkward, especially when you could tell that Haruhi was taking small glances towards you every once in a while.
"Um--we're you looking for me or..." You whisper, looking at Haruhi. his face was red and he looked incredibly uncomfortable. He was stiff as you look over to him, back straight and fist clenched tight.
"Uh--yeah." You hear him gulp before staring at you. It was intense, and you swear his anxiety was radiating onto you. "I wanted to see if you'd like to go to the Host Club party with me." He whispered.
You couldn't believe it, was Haruhi actually asking you? Today felt like some strange dream, and this was just the cherry on the cake. "L-like a date?" You ask, feeling your heart hammer away again.
Haruhi's blush darkens, adverting his gaze from you to the floor. "I mean, if you want it to be that then..."
You didn't know where your confidence came from, but you took Haruhi's hand in yours. You were so nervous your hand was shaking, but you're sure Haruhi's was also shaking, which somehow calmed you a bit.
"I'd really like that, Haruhi."
Haruhi calms, relaxing a bit, and smiling at you.
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