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saturn-sends-hugs · 1 year

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BUCKLE UP ITS EPISODE THOUGHTS TIME

(ep12 spoilers under the cut :))

y’all

yALL

those first goddamn beats?

i sit down to watch every episode and during every single intro i’m there doing my little air drums along with intro beats but dude??

this time??

where they just cut out?!?!!

the sheer fucking unease, INSTANTLY, that was INSANE. I know it’s such a small thing but if that isn’t some form of masterful art i don’t know what is.

and the way that continued into the first shot of the GAR base in sepia, washed out and almost empty even with all the stormtroopers walking around, our first view of Crosshair was immediately unsettling because it all felt wrong.

but into the real stuff—

I feel like towards the beginning of this episode, we were seeing how complacent Crosshair is being. He’s standing around, and although he speaks up a tiny bit when Lieutenant Don’t-Give-A-Shit (love that we’ve all collectively decided he doesn’t get to have his name bskhsjsjk) is rolling his eyes at the clones, Cross backs down and says nothing after that jab at them about being “used equipment.” He can’t be happy with it for sure, but he’s letting it happen because what else should he do? Speak up? And get kicked out of the Empire that’s keeping him working? No thank you, he’d rather grit his teeth and let it happen. A mission’s a mission.

Later though, when we meet Mayday, we see the first moment of Crosshair rebelling. Mayday speaks up against the Lieutenant when Crosshair doesn’t, and once he’s gone, he brings the heat lamp a little bit closer to Crosshair. Call it cliché but I think this is a literal representation of what Mayday is doing for Crosshair, he literally brings that spark closer, he shows him that they can and should care about each other while the empire doesn’t. And when Mayday tells him his name, that moment is an invitation. It’s a calling to Crosshair, to see if denies it, sticks by the empire and uses his number or better yet, doesn’t respond at all. But he doesn’t. He chooses his name, and how has it been since he’s said it out loud? Last time he heard it was probably from Cody, and before that the Batch themselves. And in this case, he’s choosing to use his name, choosing that little rebellion against the empire at Mayday’s invitation.

And isn’t it fitting how his name is Mayday? He’s a literal call for help. He’s Crosshair’s call for help, one he can’t bring himself to voice on his own, but Mayday is bringing it all to light anyway. He brings up how this new Lieutenant hasn’t commanded a real mission, he hasn’t earned their respect, so why should he treat them how he does? Crosshair was a commander for a minute, he must’ve thought the same things. And when the cargo turns out to be stormtrooper gear, Mayday is right there with his line of, “We were good soldiers. We followed orders. …And for what?” What was it for? To be separated from his brothers, to have to hunt them down, to be demoted from Commander after all that effort and to now be helping deliver cargo? Cargo meant to help the empire, but intentionally held back, hidden from the clones? Nothing Crosshair has done has made anything better, he can stay quiet and loyal all he likes, but it’s not doing him any favors. The empire doesn’t care that they’re good soldiers, they’re all still expendable.

And through the episode, we see Crosshair trusting Mayday more and more. First with the pressure mine, when he talks about the Batch and Mayday ends up saving him from the mine. Then when they’re ambushing the raiders, he returns the favor, taking out the raiders about to overwhelm Mayday. And when they go down to look at the cargo, Crosshair does his little slide thing (omG he is so sweet he is SO SWEET) and that’s the first moment he takes his helmet off around Mayday, he finally trusts him enough to be more vulnerable. ( @jealous-sloth77 made a BEAUTIFUL post abt his helmet and it’s significance/parallels to his vulnerability, highly encourage u to go read it if u haven’t!!)

And right here, after the avalanche, Crosshair’s journey to bring Mayday back to the base shows how he’s losing his loyalty to the empire. It’s not worth carrying dead weight, logically he shouldn’t bring the Commander back, not when he’d be better off just saving himself. But he doesn’t. He chooses to help Mayday, and along the way he’s slipping even further from the empire. He’s lost his helmet, he’s letting Mayday use his Firepuncher as a crutch, he’s carrying that dead weight anyway and none of this is what a “good soldier” to the empire should do. And when the ships fly overhead, my first thought was that they should use a flare or something, call for help, since surely the Empire could see them from here? But they don’t have the gear, they never got the supplies they needed and besides, would the Empire even care?

By the time Crosshair makes it back to base, he’s nearly done. He pleads with the Lieutenant one last time to help him, to do something, but he doesn’t. He sits there and watches Mayday die, then says that was the point. He was a soldier to the Empire. His death was just inevitable.

And Crosshair snaps.

This moment where he shoots the Lieutenant is so intense because there’s so many pieces tying into it.

Firstly, he uses his handgun. He’s a sniper, used to killing from afar, but this time? He calls after the Lieutenant, waits for him to turn and look him in the eyes, and then he shoots him point blank. Crosshair is done.

Second, we all know it by now but the vulture parallels? The way Mayday introduced that: “Vicious creatures. But you have to admire them. They find a way to survive.” That’s Crosshair. That’s who he is, he isn’t one to balk at violence, he does what needs to be done. And you have to admire it, because it’s true, he’s finding his way to survive. And in particular in this moment, he’s choosing his own path to survival. He’s cutting himself away from the Empire, the lone vulture that survives despite it all.

But right at the end, it doesn’t work.

The Empire takes him again, probably leaves Mayday on that platform, and he’s sent off to be experimented on by the Empire. By Emerie.

And that’s the last point I want to make with this, is all the parallels throughout this episode to the rest of the batch. The most obvious I think is Emerie. Her goggles immediately reminded me of Tech, and here how she’s surveying Crosshair, it almost seems like Cross makes that connection too. Not just that, but her voice is incredibly similar to Omega’s (due to the voice actor ofc but still, that’s a choice), and as the screen fades out, her glasses stay prominent on the screen, and she only feels more reminiscent of Tech.

But she’s not the only parallel. With the pressure mine in the cave, Mayday directly says he’s “not a bombs expert.” But we’re all thinking of who is. And with the blood in the snow, Crosshair tracking it to the source, he’s quiet literally hunting down the target. Him shooting the shuttle on the landing pad, the explosion (i am so sorry listen u really thought i wasn’t gonna bring up echo in this post abt the crosshair ep u FOOL), not to mention the whole ending sequence with Crosshair waking up confused in a medbay? There’s even some parallels to the 501st (the troopers helmets set together while Mayday mourns), not that that has to do with Crosshair, but still. Even in the one episode without them, there were so many parallels to Crosshairs brothers, and I’m certain I missed a few. Some of it was probably just coincidence or the writers keeping us entertained despite the others not being here, but it also feels like little pieces of them just keep showing up. And I’m sure Crosshair would be noticing it too.

This episode was just chock full of little beautiful moments, the music, the parallels, the characters, Crosshair’s lines in particular were just incredible, and Mayday was such a new version of “Clone Commander” that we just haven’t seen before. Everything about this episode could be something I would talk abt for HOURS but it would eventually turn into incoherent sobbing noises because my SWEET BOY U POOR POOR MAN WHERE ARE YOUR BROTHERS YOU NEED THEMMMMMM. I want to give Cross a hug SO BAD, he deserves every nice thing after today, that was a TRIP.

if it wasn’t like 11 at night when i was posting this i would tag people (and if i was more confident bkshsjsj) but i always love hearing peoples thoughts, either on this ep or predictions for where this storyline goes in the next one!! :)

#no but ok crosshairs little slide down the mountain i almost SOBBED HE FELT LIKE PRE-ORDER CROSS AGAIN AAAAAAABSJSJIWHWIWIW #also someone get this man a heated blanket and some cucumber for his eyes RN he just walked through a blizzard for like a DAY after a big #ole bright flash went off directly in his face and then just?? kept walking through the blinding white snow to save the reg he just met??#cross u absolutely softy ur wonderful now sit down and take a nap for the love of lula please #probs a bit late to be posting this but eh who cares it was fun :)#if i tell myself internal validation is all i need one day it will be true bskhjwjskjsks #sw tbb #sw tbb spoilers #tbb spoilers #tbb s2 spoilers #the bad batch spoilers #bad batch spoilers #the bad batch #tbb s2 #tbb crosshair #i should really sleep now lol

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months

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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is #all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much #because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions #mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect #and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it #it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter #but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but #mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read #cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about #how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron #separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward #the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not #allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i #talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand #so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday #and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having #a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself #sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like #reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it #doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of #ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put #myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing #unrelated

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horrorsequel · 2 months

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me when i realize something i said off hand could be construed as being spiteful or angry and i have to crawl into a hole where no one can perceive me

not to be all TELL ME I'M GOOD but god every time i am forced to have self awareness i want to explode and erase my entire existence from history. why am i fucking LIKE this lol. i'm just a normal guy who is annoying sometimes and that's fucking fine. literally everyone is annoying sometimes that doesn't make me evil evil evil and universally hated. and yet it FEELS that way and i need to confess abt it and make some fucking PENANCE with uh idk. the universe. fuck why am i even talking. but i don't know where else to say the words and i HAVE to say them FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCJkdfskljas

#kirbco brand cola #sorry i'm having a bad one?? like overall #i'm having some kind of mental misfirings. tics and compulsions and bleh blah vleh i don't know where they come from i often wonder if i'm #tricking myseslf i think what if ur just normal and u want to be special but then i think who the fuck would want what i have going on #and then of course there's the bees. in my skull.#so yanno. i don't know. no one should have taught me abt psychosomatic shit #becuase now all i do is sit and stew and think i'm makng this all up.#what the fuck am i even talking about i'm FINE ITS ALL FINE SHUT UP DUDE #i'm gonna listen to 5 million layered noises and then maybe i'll calm down

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treecove · 1 year

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i wanted to show off my home and then got distracted by cannibal neighbours before remembering what i was doing

#sotf #sons of the forest #just a day in the life :)#i sit in my seat. i kiss my wife. she gives me berries. our husband collects sticks. the neighbors are rude.#gotta find virginia a nice outfit next #also if ur wondering what i was doing w that plank: i thought it had fallen off the platform #it hadnt tho #most of the time when enemies arrive i just snipe them from my perches #so no need for any walls rn tbh #when i reload the radio goes back to its original place but the camp its from is rly close #so i just go and get it again lmao #otherwise i always got the tunes #for those who dont know anything abt this game:#those guys attacking are mutant cannibals that escaped from some facility and now live on the island #theyre not very nice #theyre cannibals by choice btw they know how to get food. theyre just like that.#white boy wednesdays ig

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llumimoon · 1 year

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I made the critical error of engaging my normal oak brain too late into the night. I’m never gonna sleep now I’m just gonna lie here and think abt the oak family until I combust and turn into dust

#cal rambles #OUGGGHGFHHHGH. HES THE YOUNGEST #no wonder he feels so left out and desperate to be friends with the other teens #I WOULD NEVER WISH BEING 14 ON ANYONE BRO #BUT AT LEAST ITS EASIER WHEN UR FRIENDS R 14 TOO #he really is at that age when the personal bubble you’ve been living in pops #and you realize your family is kind of shitty and people are kind of shitty and suddenly you don’t feel safe being you #like even if it’s not to those same extremes it’s definitely the moment in your teen years that you hit a wall #like you become aware of the new social environment you’re in #I’m just sitting here thinking like ohhh my god. everything in his life is falling apart right now #and all he really wanted to do was make ppl smile he just wanted to cheer people up #I’m gonna fucking explode #HE JUST HAS SUCH A BIG HEART.

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dexaroth · 9 months

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i cant believe the day but i finally got a full tower pc. bought it already built and at a considerable discount of some 320 dollars off. its fucking huge and theres so many things going on inside... i was initially planning on choosing the parts myself but finding the graphics card was so hard and everyone else convinced me to just buy it built and honestly? good. id probably have fucked this up so badly by myself

i cant use it yet bc i took too long to buy the monitor that was also on sale and now its regular price -_- tho i managed to find a discount used one for now. well see how that goes since ill get it tomorrow. i tested it on out living room tv and it had some kaspersky thingy open and like thats so cute. i hope they left some treats in the browsing history for me to search through before i wipe it clean

#its a hexer case and wouldnt you guess the front has a hexagonal pattern. so pretty..#it came with 3 fans installed there too that have a cmyk color style to them and it looks quite neat. im thinking of buying some leds to pu #inside the case to go with my keyboard tho idk if id go that far tbh (< gamer rot is setting in. im not immune to pretty lighting..)#its also got a lot of unused space inside. im thinking of making more sculptures to put in. though idk if thatd be safe for it #bc cold porcelain is glue and water. what if it evaporates inside and suddenly everythings covered in a glue film #i wonder if varnish would help? the transparent nail polish sure didnt do shit it came off like 2 days after sculpting the rw slug sleeping #which like yeah of course. its nail polish. but i didnt expect it to flake since all it does is sleep on top of my laptop keyboard #i need miniature glass cake cover tops to encapsule every sculpture inside for safety #looking at it still no wonder these are called towers gotdamn its legit so huge..#it looks awkward tho bc i cant fully make it glue to the wall bc of the cables so its like. awkwardly a bit in front of the wall #im scaared as to how to tell if it ever gets too hot. on a laptop u just press ur head against the left half and feel how hot it is #i think im gonna need software for this.. sigh. tho maybe ill never get to that point since its supposed to be decent #AND its not 8 years old + the 3 fans and gpu fan and cpu fan. surely thats enough. the case even has space for more than that!!#the acrylic side reflects my keyboard too. so niceys. stimulation for my creature eyes #my desk is gonna be so fucked up when i have to organize everything too bc the one i have now is perfecly laptop-oriented #it sits on a custom wooden desk and the keyboard+drawing tablet sit below. but theres a shelf on top of my desk thats too low for the>#>normal monitor to sit to so i wont be able to use the custom desk. and i dont even know what ill do with my laptop either #finally a good change in my sad life routine fr. i cant wait to play watchdogs on this and overgrowth and other ones #AND LAGLESS KRITA SMUDGE ENGINE BRUSHES!!! AND DOUBLE BRUSHES. THEYRE SO LAGGY #A N D ACTUAL FULL HD NORMAL MONITOR. maybe that will get me to not draw in small canvases anymore #now im anxious i just want the day to be over to get the monitor tomorrow aouugh.. just bc i started coding my resources neocities page #dextxt #<the 'major life events' ((sorta)) tag returns. one for the books.. if something bad happens.. itll be here to remind me of the good times

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and-stir-the-stars · 10 months

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Got the brainworms.

A Nest Torn Empty, the month Mike is away. There are some flavors of trauma that might interestingly suit that scenario. These are just little brainstorms, don't feel like. Compelled to use them lmao

One might fit the idea of being medicalized, poked and prodded. Psych test after psych test, evaluations and therapy as it was in the eighties, possibly by particularly shitty professionals who try to go the therapy version of "bad cop" and INSIST mike is lying just to see if he breaks?

Another might be someone deciding to enact some kind of revenge on Evan's behalf. This could go any number of ways, but I think it would be interesting if someone who has been in Evan's position before decided to try and create some version of "a taste of his own medicine" for Mike, though obviously without the near death bit bc of plotlines etc.

And then there are less obvious things that kind of get left out. Being torn from your family all of the sudden is traumatic. He doesn't know what's going to happen to him, or to his brother and sister. Whether or not he's in another abusive place, the sheer amount of differences could throw him off. All the rules are different, all the people are different. He probably feels very isolated.

(You're giving me ideas for the au where Mike thinks Evan died after they're split up, lmao)

In terms of reactions, I think there might be more of a shutdown than his earlier behavior. If nothing he's doing yields ANY reaction– good or bad– then why bother? I think a lot of it would just lead him to be very tired by the end of it all.

Final aspect that I think would be interesting: as the kids grow up and actually learn to talk about the shitty upbringing they had, I think Mike's month away might fall to the wayside for a while. Nobody else thinks about it; it doesn't come up.

Eventually, though, it does need to be addressed. Maybe it kind of pales in comparison to the bite itself, but the experience still hurt.

(Or disregard all of this! Just brainstorming dhfjdkdksk)

okay first off I think it's so funny that I have to outsource all my "how would Mike react to xyz trauma" stuff to you,, like how dare you know him so well and have so many tantalizing Mike thoughts /honorary /pos

i think my initial idea was more along the lines of like,, Mike keeps insisting that he didn't mean to hurt Evan, but the more the psychiatrists poke and prod and question him, the less certain Mike is.

All of Mike’s claims that "I didn't know that would happen" and "i didn't mean for him to get hurt" and "i didn't want to kill him" are met with stuff like. "So there's no history of you hurting him?" "So Evan hasn't been put in danger by your actions before?" "So this behavior is a recent thing that came out of nowhere?" And just like. General questions that, whether asked out malice or from people genuinely trying to understand if Mike is a danger to himself or others, only serve to highlight in Mike’s mind that maybe he is inherently evil, because every time he swears that he didn't mean it, he's just met with a reminder of all the times he has in fact hurt Evan and others before and with the reminder that he could do it again at any time.

The idea that there are certain "professionals" there who just insist that Mike is lying about not meaning for the Bite in an effort to get him to cave and break???? Oooooh boy. Angsty, I love it. Maybe as time passes and Mike gets more and more frustrated, his "medical treatment" and "psychiatric professionals" just get worse and worse as a result of his lashing out. It starts out with the psychiatrists just trying to be thorough and get a detailed understanding of what happened, and the mere nature of their questioning frays Mike as he interprets their questions as them not believing him. He tells himself that he's crazy for feeling so attacked by them when they're professionals trained to help people, but like. It doesn't make the problem go away. Mike starts lashing out as he feels like they don't believe him. And his lashing out is ofc seen as signs of hostility, leading to worse and worse "treatment" (in both sense of the term), and leading to him being placed with awful "professionals" who blatantly tell him to his face now that he's lying about not meaning to hurt Evan to get Mike to break.

And the whole experience just, like, shreds every sense of faith Mike had in his own judgment. He doesn't know what to do or think anymore, and it doesn't matter anyway, because no matter WHAT he does or thinks it has the same result of people just. Making him feel cruel and evil, like he'll inevitably hurt someone, like he's a monster and has always been a monster and is trying to manipulate everyone here in the psych facility and everyone he's ever known into thinking he's NOT a monster for his own personal gain.

Worst thing is that in Mike’s eyes, these are strangers who don't even know him or know anything about him, and yet they don't NEED to know him to know that he's evil. Mike coming to the conclusion that theres something so fundamentally broken about him that people can PHYSICALLY SEE IT, he reeks of it, it's the first thing people see when they look at him, the ONLY thing people see. People don't even need to know him to see straight into the evil in his heart. Which is only furthered when he goes back home and all these classmates he never talked to before are calling him a murderer, not to mention Liz's ambivalent reaction to seeing him again.

#Like low key there's an ask sitting in my inbox abt how saffron mike would react to smth #And I've just been staring at it like. No idea my guy. I am not the mike expert here. Lmao #Now I'm thinking about mike begging and praying for william to come get him out of this facility #And will not doing so feeds into Mike’s reluctance to trust will later on #And feeds into mikes frustration that will has been so absent #ie the scene where mike freaks out in ch1 of bcoh and he's like. FATHER should be #The one giving ev his meds so he doesn't try ripping his own head off from the pain so WHERE IS HE??#Like Will just. Consistently does this #Also mike not knowing what's gonna happen to him or liz or evan...#Do the psychiatrists even tell mike whether or not ev is still alive?#Does mike assume that liz is in a psych facility herself? She didn't cause the bite but SHE has been hurting ev too #Does mike wonder if he's ever getting out of here #And then no one in the fam talking about mike's month away!!!#Ur giving me thoughts for a one shot that takes place several years after the bite #With evan begging mike to stop pushing him away #And mike is just. So traumatized not just from going thru this but from no one talking or caring abt it #(On top of his normal trauma abt not wanting to burden/hurt anyone w his issues and not feeling they're important #And and and plus all the time mike spent trying to reach out to ev after the bite only for ev to be so traumatized that he kept #Rejecting mike) that he can't stop holding people at arms length.#A nest torn empty #my brother my wound #tw medical malpractice #Tw child abuse

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arrowpunk · 2 years

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There's so much going on right now and like I'm not even British but I'm sitting here laughing like 'do the US Govt. next please'

#ramblings of an arrow #so much has gone on in the world in the past few weeks #im just sitting here laughing now like what even is this #crim please explain british politics to me i know that's ur Thing #I'm ready and willing to listen #also I know theoretically it would be bad if the US Government crumbled #but also consider: It would be Funny #the world is already so goshdamn weird #I wonder how long it'll take #gosh heck I want to figure out how to get a job not in the US so I can move out of this shit country ASAP #how do I get a work from home job in like Germany as an American #someone help #I've heard good things about Germany

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diomedrian · 1 year

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It's so WEIRD that during the day I am like. Dead and lazy and absolutely do NOT want to move. And the minute it's five and it's dark outside, hoo boy do I not only have a to do list BUT ALSO the motivation and the energy to do it all

#personal #this is absolutely bollocks. im thinking. maybe i am just NOT. a day person.#i knew that years ago but i forgot in-between cos living w ur parents will do that to u #on that note. doesn't it sort of make u angry and relieved at the same time. that #ur parents are just people. humans. faulty. lovely. i wish they didn't hold themselves to such high standards and claim to be authority on #everything. i wish they went easy on themselves. so maybe they can be softer with themselves and in turn softer w me #and i don't want them to be softer to me. just maybe see me as human yknow? that not every mistake just another proof that i am a failure #on that note. isn't it SO GOOD. almost wonderful that we give meaning to things. yes yes its v hard to let go. Ive had to sit with that toO #BUT once you've mourned and grieved and sat in your misery. you can decide how much meaning it will have in your life. how much of it do u #want to use. its a mountain now but it can be a footnote if u will. it's small 'i know im sorry im working on making it better' but it can #be the center of everything. if u want it. the world is absolutely yours if u want it. AND ANOTHER EXCITING PART?#u get as many chances at it as u want. as u like.#its always been for u.#not to jinx anything skfkskkdksks i dont want the motivation to go pls lord

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garlicowboy · 1 year

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jarring to come to terms with the fact that life isn’t always devastatingly heart-wrenchingly painfully awful and it isn’t always incredibly beautifully wonderful either. most of the time it’s just like. mediocre and boring. it’s pretty ok. it’s just another day again. you know?

#i have had #such expectations for so long #of life just being…#debilitatingly miserable right up until the very second it magically became incredible. and then it’d be incredible forever #but i think my brain has just randomly developed. cognitive functions are functioning #and i realise that there is no Eventually Everything Will Be Amazing #its like. This is the amazing part #all of the moments that feel so mundane and nondescript #they’re the amazing part. at the end #which is kind of like. Bummer. i thought it’d be more exciting than this #but also a relief i guess?#i don’t need to sit around agonising over and waiting for it to get good and sitting here on pause up until it happens #it’s already here. right now. each moment. and the only way to make it feel any more exciting is..#by going and doing it. right now #ummmm yeah i know this is common knowledge and not an epiphany to the world but 😁 im just now Feeling it for the first time and its crazy .#is this how it feels when ur brain finally clicks into place during adulthood or am i still too young for that.#im looking forward to it if not LOL because this is literally sooo #it’s doing wonders for me rn #i have never been able to accept anything that was not an Extreme my whole life and it feels like i can finally relax and just live #instead of strain towards and wait for some big Something that isn’t going to come #i just have to… live…#mine #txt

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sanchoyo · 1 year

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@apotosghost 10 years!!! that's so cool!!! I def wouldve stopped a long time ago if I'd been braver...I remember in the middle school changing rooms awkwardly being like 'oh haha i just forgot to shave again ^^' every other day bc even back then I hated it but felt like I had to come up with excuses...down with razors/waxing!!!

it rly does leave a lot of self esteem issues even tho on most days I'm fine with it, sometimes the Anxiety is Real (and not even touching on the issue of living in a VERY conservative religious area where if ur afab ur expected to be a Very Certain Way, not Hairy...) I totally agree, I want all of my friends and family to know I'm safe to be themselves around too and to be comfy if they decide to stop shaving, that's such a sweet way of putting it ;w; (and also why I'm very vocal abt being gay at family gatherings, lol, feels like being queer comes with a full package of Fuck Yous to society in various ways when it comes to appearance, while also visibly flagging urself as a safe space to others who feel the same...💓)

#sanchoyoreplies #apotosghost #i have this vivid memory of my mom sitting me down when i started my first period and saying like #that id grow a mustache and it was normal but to shave it #and that her and my grandma had a pact. that if they were in the hospital theyd bring razors for the other to shave them with #or to do that if smth happened and left the other comatose. im not even joking! she was SERIOUS!!!#bro if im in a coma or seriously ill why would that be a priority!! what the FUCK!!!#and even now she'll point out when my face is hairy like 'oh u have hairs on ur chin...' AND?#THEY GROW THERE! GOOD! THEYLL KEEP ME WARM IN THE WINTER #MAD BC U DONT HAVE A WONDERFUL LITTLE FUZZ PATCH??? IM SOFT #society wants us to hate our body hair soooo bad the most punk thing to do is to grow it #<3 #theres LAYERS to this....it is that deep....#also the gayness of it lke ive had ppl tell me men will hate it. ok? not interested in being with a man? at all??#lol #did not mean to go on SUCH a rant but yes <3

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