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#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having
opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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magine crying and you wanna tell one of your friends why uou're crying because you want a bit of comfort. But you're afraid of coming in at a bad time like that one time and feeling so guilty about it because they're going through something worse and you cant you CANT talk to anyone because youre afraid everyone else wonfmt get it or wont pay you any attention but you wanan talk to SOMEONE about how youre feeling but you CANT cus even if you were allowed to and didnt have any fear youd still say absolutely nothing.
Oooohhhh i dont wanna b a bother to anyone theyre all going through shit absolute garbage and i know they say it doesnt take energy to care about me i STIL dont wanna bothr them because what if i catch them at a rrally really really bad time or what if i text someome and they dont have an answer and ignore me and the next time they text theyre gunna skip over what i told them and theyre gunna talk.about something else else.
I want a hug hug i want aomeone to tell me its okay but thats way too much to ask from them i dont wanna be a bother i dont wanna be a worry but i kust talked to my therapist today after a month of not being able to chat and we had to do it over phone while my mom was nearby cus we live in the small ass bus and i cant ask her to go outside cus its 11 degrees and i feel like i didnt say enough and now i just really really want a someone but no i dont wanna bother them its late and theres scjool tomorrow and school sucks and i dont want them feeling like they need to cater to my stupid ass.
Im sorry im so so sorry theyre gunna read this sometime and say soemthing really nice but im not gunna read the message for five hours and maybe ill try avoiding it alltogether cus i dont know i dont know why cant you be mean like i expect you to why cant you yell and curse at me like i expect you to why are you so NICE to me.???? Nono i know why but why man. Why in a rhetorical sense. Why in the how do you have the fucking energy for me.
Im sorry. Im done crying. Oh god man its fine i got my favorite stuffed animal and everything
I want a hug can you give me a hug please. I feel so selfish and cruel. Im so scared youre gunna turn on me one day because nobody can be that genuine. Aint nobody in the fucking world who can be this sweet and silly. Im so waiting im so worried i dont ever want that to happen but i feel like it really might even though i know it wont. Why have you never let uour anger out on me even when i deserved it. Im sorry i didnt want to text about this im just hoping this post will stay buried, cus maybe it comforts me knowing it exists and could be discovered by you, but theres the happy chance you never ever see this and i get to not talk about it ever again. My wonderful schrodingers cat is such a comfort to me because then i dont have to worry about an outcome that im positive will happen. I love my maybes.
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Rabbit. Chapter Two Part Two
Draco x Hufflepuff reader
Tags; @khemz1312 @trashyvicks @dracoslittlesunflower @dracmalf0y-dm @rosiehufflepuff @goofygobber @shinsouscatpisssmell
W!Heavy Ptsd, mental freak outs. Hearing voices, blood, bruises, cuts. Draco trying to convince himself he’s fine. Refusing to ask for help. Mental instability. The voices are the Dementors
After two years in Azkaban for how he treated you he was finally free. The only thing keeping him going was you. Now finally reunited with his Rabbit he thinks things will go easier for him. But Draco is struggling mentally and refusing to ask for help, but his only hope might be the person he despises the most
Draco did not return to the bedroom, he ran his hands under the cold water staring at them watching the blood run down his wrists down to the drain of the sink trying to think of a way around this… what could he do ? he needed help… The man shook his head at just the thought of him asking for help. “Rubbish.” he slapped the water off drying his hands on his briefs and going to check on you to see you asleep.
Its dark there huh?
Like the cell
“Shut up…” the tired shaky man shook his head going back to the living room, his vision was dizzy and he had to drag himself along the wall so he would not stumble and fall.
Why do you even bother?
Coming here?
“B-b-because..”Draco fell into the back of the couch seeing Biscuit asleep on his pillow and quickly went around the furniture to scoop up the rabbit holding him close to his chest. He let out a heavy sigh of relief once he felt Biscuits cold nose against his chest sniffing around. “I ,.. Wanna be with her…” he laid down on the couch with the curious bunny on his chest. He shook his head several times trying to get the voices to subside..
But does she want to be with .. you?
“She does.. “
Draco did not last long in the dark; he had gotten up and turned every light on except for the bedroom . one thing Draco did learn in Azkaban was that the Dementors hated the light. So every night he would sit under the window in his cell hoping the moon would be full and bright enough to shine in on him… But even with all the lights on he still saw darkness when he shut his eyes…
He was back on the couch with Biscuit on his chest again trying to think of something else, anything else. He wanted to share the bed with you so bad.. He longed for that moment with you. To have you snuggle against him .. tracing your finger on his chest.. Telling him stories .. cuddling up to him when you get cold.. Did you have any cute sleeping habits he wondered.. And did you prefer the middle or the edge of the bed.. Did you like to sleep in …?
“Rabbit……”
What if you get worse?
You already broke a glass, remember?
“Shut u-u-p…” he was starting to sweat, a long bead of it sliding down his head. We miss you Draco
Dont you miss us?
“N-no..” his hands found his hair digging into his locks. “I .. “
We love you for who you are Draco.
“You bastards made me this way..!” he sat up and Biscuit hopped off his lap scaring Draco, he jumped shielding his face till he realized it was just the bunny. “Im…” he wrapped his arms around himself feeling very sticky and uncomfortable all over, his skin felt like it was crawling and his bruises ached again with each heave of breath he took from his chest. “Im fine…”
You are fine , Draco.
Perfectly fine
Your fine
Your fine
Your fine…
Your ..fine
You-r fi-ne…
“SHUT UP!!!” Draco threw himself on the floor hitting his head hard on the wood making the voices subside, he stayed there for a minute, crying.
**
In the morning you had woken up to an empty bed and every light on in your home. Quickly you jumped out of bed rushing to the living room to see it empty. “dr..Draco..”
“Yes Rabbit?” you heard behind you.
You whipped around seeing Draco with a towel around his neck and sweats on him. You clung to him sighing with relief. “Nothing.. Goodmorning.”
Draco squeezed you tight, wrapping an arm around your back and head giving you a gentle kiss on your forehead. Draco had passed out from exhaustion last night around 3 AM and woke up not too long ago drenched in a cold sweat with Biscuit wiggling his nose on his cheek . he had no idea when you would wake up so he had to hurry and cover his tracks.
“Good Morning Rabbit.” Draco squeezed you again and you slipped free taking his hand.
“I'm thinking.. We go get some clothes today?”
“S-sure.”
“And i think the twins opened their shop up again, maybe we could .. go check it out? Everyone deserves a good laugh sometimes..”
he was nervous.. It would be crowded in the twins shop...
Why dont you just run away
Come back to us
You cant handle things on your own anymore
You cant handle this-
He shook his head bringing your hand to his lips so he could kiss it. “Sounds good, Rabbit.”
The shopping went.. Okay.. there's only so many choices in Diagon Alley after all. Simple dress clothes and a couple loose shirts was all he needed. All though you insisted he get some more clothes he could relax in .
“Draco dont you want more loose fitting things?”
“D-dosint ma-matter Rabbit” he was having a hard time talking to other people. Everyone he ran into asked him about Azkaban and you had to step in and change the subject before Draco blew up at them. You noticed he did not walk the same way he did in Hogwarts; back then he had his head in the clouds, his ego on his sleeve, his attitude front and center and that damn smug smile he wore on that damn grumpy face.
Now he looked over his shoulder, shook his head, faked his smile and rubbed his hands alot to keep himself from scratching his arms. You noticed he only did it when the wind blew and were growing more and more concerned about him. Something was wrong, something awful must have happened in Azkaban… but the real question was would he ask you to listen to him explain… anyone… someone.. You loved Draco Malfoy, but you worried for his health too.
“Hmm.. im going to get you a few more . ill be right back “
“O-o kay, ill be .. at the twins shop”
You turned to grab his hand “you sure youll be okay alone?”
Will you?
We dont think so
You wont be alone Draco
….you will have us…
He shook his head and pulled you in for a hug and kissed your lips. “Im sure, Pet. no go get me something nice yeah?” he patted your head, getting a small smile out of you.
“Yes, Draco” you teased him hurrying off into the clothing store again. It warmed his heart a bit.. He loved the teasing .. he wanted more of it. He wanted hsi days to be full of it…
Its a shame…
...that this will not last..
..but….. Everyday you go on..
...brings you closer to us…
“Shut.. up..i shouldn't be able to hear you in that bloody twins shop … “ Draco stumbled turning around to make hsi way to the very eyesore of a shop.
*
Loud. it was loud. It was crowded and people were everywhere laughing, playing jokes on others, playing music, things were flying around, confetti and the likes. People shoving to get to the next big attraction and shoving all kinds of colourful candy in their mouths. Draco flinched every time someone touched him. Usually he would yell and shove back but .. all he could do now was cower and look over his shoulder . his head was quiet, for once. He could not hear the Dementors in here and the shop was well lit too making it easier to keep them at bay.
Draco maneuvered the shop looking for the twins , it should not be too hard. All the Weasleys have this unique look to them. Draco moved to the center of the store when someone bumped him trying to get by making him jump and stumble into the desk hitting his hip, someone else pushed by and he white knuckled the furniture starting to breath heavily.
Draco…..
Draco…….
Draco……….
“Dammit.. Shut up….” he pulled himself up looking over the people seeing the twins at the back of the store. Carefully he made his way to them and they both saw him and waved.
“There he is !” Fred said.
“All is right now yep” George added.
Draco was holding his side trying to stand up straight and look intimidating but the look on his face told the twins he was afraid.
“Bloody… twins.”
“Thats us!” they both said with pride.
“Wheres… Pottah…..”
They looked at each other and then Draco, getting a good look at him.
“You okay Mate?” Fred asked , helping him steady himself
“How is y/n by the way?” George asked.
“Shes f--f-f-ine, “ he shook Fred off gulping down a breath. “Where. Is. Pottah”
“Uhm.. top floor actually, hes getting some things for his kids.” Fred pointed.
“Thanks..” Draco shot them a look with a slight nod and made hsi way up the steps to the much more empty area. He spotted Harry looking over some joke spells in a book . Draco tried to be quiet but…
The boy who lived?
Draco stumbled into a desk making it squeak, Harry looked up from the book and quickly put it down to go to Dracos side. He was struggling to stand and breathe.
“Draco…? Are you alright?”
“Sshh--shut up…-”
Yes ,,, Draco …
Shut him out…
You dont need him
You only need us
...you only need… us
Harry helped the man anyway and Draco slumped into his side cursing himself. Harry helped Draco to an empty room and shut the door, carefully he sat the man down in a chair and sat down across from him not saying anything. Draco was a mess inside and out right now, he hated Pottah, hated everything about him , how dare he refuse to be his friend all those years ago? That duel… that damn… quidditch match… that damn….. Bird …
Leave..
Leave
Draco, leave
You dont need-
“P-p-pott-ah,.....”
Dont.
“I … n-ee-dd,....” he dug his fingers in his hair whimpering in front of this man .
Harry instantly knew something was wrong, he stayed as calm as he could.
Draco Malfoy of Slytherin... the smug, man who did not care for anyone else at all , only himself. Never asked for help from anyone, did things his way… picked on whoever he wanted...not a care in the world… was whimpering in front of the man he hated most. On the verge of a breakdown.
“I need…..”
DONT DRACO!!!
He looked in Harrys eyes with heavy tears falling down his face… staining the wood table. “I need help……………………..please………………”
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deripmaver · 3 years
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4 5 6 for ALL OF THE CaPri FANFICS
LKSJMDHGVLKSJ ALL OF THEM???
4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue? 5: What part was hardest to write? 6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?
Ink On Paper (tongue fic) 4. lmfaoooooooo there isn't a whole lot of dialogue in this one oop-
Laurent nodded. The wax softened as he pressed his hand into it, erasing his previous message. Soft, warm, melting under his touch. He wrote again, I need someone who is not afraid to read out the insults I make towards the idiots at court. You have been fired, Damianos.
i guess it technically counts lmfao. i just wanted to show laurent post-trauma still able to make jokes and snipe at his husband so it wasnt all doom and gloom 5. i'm not sure exactly what "hardest to write" here means because like... a lot of these fic have serious gore or otherwise upsetting content, but both emotionally and actually writing wise i find that kind of thing actually pretty easy to write hahahaha. i think i got stuck with the chronology and the decision to make it non-linear made it flow a lot better. for the record writing laurent getting raped and then having his tongue cut out was actually very easy to write, i think i got it out in basically one go. #cancelme the more fucked up and intense the easier i find to nyoom through it 6. my first ever fic in the capri fandom!!!! hehehehhehehe <333333 Level Of Concern (plan B fic) 4.
Before Nicaise could say anything, Laurent spat, “Does he know you had your first heat?”
SURPRISE nic was the one who was pregnant the whole time!!!!!!! 5. this one i banged out REALLY quickly so i cant think of anything here 6. capri omegaverse!!!!!!! i wish there was more of this 🥺🥺🥺 Like Me (what if Auguste was also abused fic) 4. ******CW INCEST MENTION CW ABUSE MENTION******
“Your brother’s stuck his dick in every single member of your family,” Auguste spat out, laughing, crying, and so miserable he thought his heart would stop. His voice rose again, and he felt something burst from him as he screamed for the whole world to hear, “Did you know that? Did you, huh papa? Did he fuck you too?”
dude this line is so fucked up lmfao but i enjoyed writing it so much. actually this entire scene where auguste is having his breakdown was really intense to write and im really pleased with how it came out OR
Auguste grabbed him suddenly, looking up into his grief-stricken face desperately. “Please, Laurent,” he pleaded, voice breaking. “Please. Don’t let him end up like me.”
i felt entirely too clever with this line lmfao. i was like ~ooooohhhhh title drop~ im so dumb 5. i just remember this one like. dragged on for some time. i couldnt figure out what to do with it, how to get everything to coalesce around the final reveal about auguste 6. plot twist!!!!!!! plus auguste angst. i really enjoyed this one, i wrote it after watching the movie Spotlight which is one of my all time faves Softly, Gently 4.
“My King has been overexerting himself again, I presume?” Paschal sighed, shaking his head with a fond smile. “When have I ever done that?” Laurent cocked his head to the side, a wry smile on his face.
hehehehe sassy laurent my beloved <33333 5. honestly im just going to skip this one from now on lskjghmvlksjhglkvsjhdl i just get "stuck" sometimes without rhyme or reason and its usually on boring stuff, but then i cant remember later. the hardest part for me is when my dumb fucking adhd brain wont let me focus on writing but once i overcome that its usually pretty smooth sailing 6. horny omegaverse.................... my beloved............... giving men vaginas for horny reasons my beloved......................... Water of Life (birth fic)
“Do you want to hold him?” Erasmus breathed, eyes glassy. The baby cried, Erasmus bouncing him tenderly in those sunkissed arms. He looked apologetic. “Only for a moment, it’s not quite over yet.” A playful smile danced on Erasmus’ lips, and he brushed away a slick, damp curl from the wailing baby’s head. “A head this big, he certainly takes after Exalted.”
a cute, fun lil line in the sea of horrible angst lmfao ORRRRRR
Erasmus knelt before Damen, before Laurent. He said, “Exalted… Can you command his Highness to push?” Damen froze. “Do you mean…?” Erasmus nodded. “Alpha command.” Damen’s expression crumpled. He said, in a voice that shattered Erasmus’ heart, “I can’t. I can’t do that to him.” Erasmus licked his lips. “Exalted, in this state, he can’t push. His contractions are weaker. He’ll-” “I can’t,” Damen cried, clinging to Laurent’s limp body like a lifeline. “He’d… He’d never forgive me.”
damen is so sweet........ he loves laurent so much...... ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
He stopped at the doorframe, turning to face Laurent with tears in his eyes, and whispered, “How long does it take, your Highness?” Laurent, shocked enough to respond, hissed, “What?” “I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking of it,” Erasmus said, voice thick in his throat, tears burning at his eyes. “How long until it’s over?”
real sad hours if u up click like. i love erasmus and laurent bonding over their shared trauma <33333333333333333333 laurent and erasmus friendship propaganda 24-fucking-7 bay bee!!!!! 6. unironically this is one of my fav fic ive ever written skdljmfhgvlksjdhflmgkvjshldkjfghvmls call the midwife is one of my favorite shows and writing this made me look at birth as something visceral and possibly horrible and traumatic. i wanna write more fucked up birth scenes, SO MANY MORE. ridley scott knew what he was doing Sandalwood (erasmus/kallias my sweet boys i love u so much) 4.
“I do,” Erasmus breathes, ducking his head, flushed as though embarrassed. “In the gardens, the perfume from the orange trees all around us on those summer nights.” Kallias smiles behind him – Erasmus knows his body so intimately he can feel it in how Kallias’ posture changes, though he can’t see the soft turn of his lips. “The scent was so cloying I thought it would drive me mad. It made me want to kiss you senseless.” Erasmus laughs, breathlessly, imagining the warm heat of Kallias’ mouth against his. “Don’t blame that on the orange trees, dear one.”
beloved..................... im weeping.......... 6. these two make me fuckign CRY ON THE REG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH MY SWEET BOYS YOU DESERVE THE WORLD- Wisps of Smoke******************* (lauguste fic) 4. ***CW EXPLICIT INCEST*** (i mean....... obviously lmfao)
“Call me what I like,” Auguste growled against his ear. “You know what I like.” He did. Laurent did. He knew everything Auguste liked – the slow flick of Laurent’s tongue on the underside of his cock, that tender spot behind his earlobe, the way Laurent’s thighs looked straddled atop him like his horse – and this. “Brother,” Laurent gasped, desperate, “Brother, please, harder. Harder.”
i wanted the incest to be explicitly part of the kink here lmfaoooooo 6. hehehehehehehhehehehhehe lauguste................... i need to write more of u But I Love It (laurent is allergic to latex fic) 4.
“Laurent,” Auguste said, voice high in warning. Laurent braced himself, stiffening visibly. With what seemed to be monumental effort, Auguste continued, “You know, Laurent. I’m proud of you.”
IM A SOFT BITCH OK???????????????? auguste is PROUD of his baby bro for overcoming his sexual trauma and getting that fat dick 6. SLJHVDLMKJDHGVLK PEOPLE FUCKING LOVED THIS FIC i tried to be funny and i think it worked. plus some softe bits thrown in. i also kind of see lots of humor fic where its a no abuse au, but i wanted to write something comedic where the regent still. existed u kno????? anyways hahahahha i dont think i can write anything like this again but im glad y'all liked it Is It Cold In The Water (slice of life fic) 4.
Laurent opens his mouth to say something cheeky, but instead, what comes out is: “Do you think Aimeric had the right idea?” Damen is quiet for so long, gaze serious and framed with his long, dark lashes, that Laurent wonders if he’d spoken aloud at all – and when he’s sure he had, he realizes Damen had remembered Aimeric after all. When he speaks again, the sleep is gone from his voice. “Laurent,” Damen says carefully, as though approaching a spooked horse, “Is something wrong?”
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 soft,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 6. ruby likes this fic lskjdvhmflgksfjdhmvglkjsdhflkvgmjhlekjfhdvlgskjfhv im a SIMP- The Devil's Got Nothing On Me (AIMERIC FIC LEGGOOOO) 4. there are lots of lil nuggets in here!!!!
Aimeric blinks, and all he can think is, you knew? He says, "I – I just." "I am a patient man," Guion breathes, "I support everyone in my household. Everyone. But Aimeric, you are truly testing my patience. Your mother came to me in tears, begging me to find you. Look at what you did to her! There was nothing I could say until we found you!" "I'm sorry," Aimeric whispers, looking at Loyse, "I'm-" "Look at me," Guion roars.
this conversation was inspired by a very miserable encounter with my boss lmfao. fuck that guy and fuck guion
The regent, blue eyes sparkling - and Aimeric has never thought eyes could look just like a summer sky until now - says to Guion but really to Aimeric, "I was thinking I could take little Aimeric riding tomorrow. Just the two of us." Loyse says, before Guion can speak, voice trembling with relief, "I think that's a wonderful idea, your Highness."
~dramatic irony~ lmfaoooooooooo. WE know of course that this is a bad thing, but it's always fun to have characters make bad choices that they have no idea are bad. i also did this briefly in "Like Me" with auguste's ex wife taking nicaise to church because she was so overwhelmed at home and he offered to help. of course, the regent is always happy to help out. evil evil evil
"-was worried it might be difficult for him." A soft, lilting laugh. The guards had said the regent was in the library, and then there is Guion, right there with him. Aimeric is suddenly angry, not sure why his father is with the regent, who is his and no one else's. The regent responds, "I daresay it's been perfectly easy. It seems you've done most of the work already."
i wanted to highlight the fact that it was aimeric's neglect that lead him to the regent in the first place. hence "youve done most of the work already" - guion by ignoring and neglecting aimeric created the perfect environment for the regent to sweep in and take advantage. like leaving food out btwn 40-140 F is a perfect breeding ground for bacteria LOL. the books touch on that but i wanted to make it explicit
He is so, so ashamed. It's unbearable, the thought of her kind eyes, the way she cried for him, the way he pushed her away. Before he'd left to join the prince's guard, she had taken his hand, kissed it, and said in a voice fragile as glass, "It's been such a long time since I've seen you smile like that," but in that moment he could think only of the regent's letter warm in his pocket.
6. honestly i know ive sounded super conceited this whole time but i kind of tear up whenever i read through the end of the fic lmfao. aimeric is just so fucking depressing as a character and i love that i really got to explore that in this fic. he really didnt have anyone, did he????? he's like a tragic greek character where you just watch him stumbling towards his inevitable end and it hurts the whole time. its even worse on the reread ANYWAYYYYYYY thats it. thanks so much for the ask anon!!!!!!! feel free to send me more!!!
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oh nothing in a book has ever made me as angry as fucking pissed off as i am now about the end of chain of iron and i have a lot to say on it (i have more to say on the last few chapters of chain of iron than i did on the entirety of the folk of the air series)
ill start with being glad lucie was able to raise jesse but definite reylo vibes there and im ignoring the end of that so watch me ignore if lucie dies ill be like yea ya know shes just,,, somewhere else but i hated how many secrets she kept from fucking everyone i mean she didnt tell a single person the whole truth of anything shes got secrets on top of secrets and thats not good but hey matthews drinking isnt good either and no one but the lucie and cordelia ever really say anything about that so theres that and im not counting james’ you dont love anyone as much as you love that bottle or w/e he said bc that wasnt talking to him to try to help and get him to stop drinking that was just a hit bc they were fighting and i hate that i hate that they were fighting bc they wouldnt have been if it wasnt for that fucking bracelet and which has caused so many fucking problems that i could cry in indignation bc its not its not fucking fair james spent the last what three years of his life in a fog not being able to feel and not being able to notice his parabatai slowly spiraling into a drunken depression from something thats not his fault at all i mean yes it is his fault that his mother took the potion but it is not his fault that the baby died thats no ones fault but whoever sold him the potion and yea he shouldnt have bought it in the first place but he was kid and he thought that was the only way he could get the truth and its unfair its fucking unfair and alistair god alistair he knows what he did in school was wrong but he saw it as the only way and now hes trying to make up for it and apologise and be a better fucking person and thomas sees that and thomas loves him for that and alistair wont let himself be loved and its not fair and anna oh anna talk about not letting yourself be loved she put on such a good front she did but she shouldnt have ariadne loves her and wants to be with her fully with her but anna has to understand the stigma of that and why ariadne cant come out yet hell thats still a problem today but we wont get into that because anna clearly loves ariadne but shes too afraid of getting hurt again and frankly she should just go for it i mean so what if you get hurt again at least youll finally feel something because i know she feels nothing for all those other girls i know theyre just replacements for ariadne and it isnt fair and speaking    of   replacements    fucking grace fuck grace but fucking grace just casually destroying james life listen i dont give a shit how she grew up i couldnt care less about how tatiana treated her and how scared she was of her because if shed just fucking helped then she wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing from tatiana i mean theres a number of things grace couldve done she couldve told the merry thieves everything and they couldve defeated belial like they are now and then no one would be around to help tatiana and grace couldve told anyone in the clave about all of tatianas shit and then they wouldnt have underestimated her and she wouldve been in a proper prison and thus unable to escape so damn easily and thus not fucking able to get to grace okay shes a fucking idiot and i hate her and i hate reading about her and im fucking disappointed in her for not taking the damn bracelet off okay i had very fucking low standards for her but i hoped she would take the bracelet off and at the very least i thought she could fucking not manipulate him further like god damn girl james is a much nicer and understanding person than i am and he would try to protect her from tatiana if he knew that grace was being threatened by her if grace took the bracelet off and told him the truth he would help her i fully believe that but since he had to find out on his own he was furious as he should be but i dont think he had to be nice to her when she showed up at the end there i mean i wouldve just yanked her in the house and started yelling at her right there fuck pretending his still under that enchantment fuck talking to her in private okay id chew her out in the entryway its not like cordelia doesnt need to know she fucking does and i think her finding out by overhearing james arguing with grace is actually a fantastic way to find out because she gets to hear everything all of what james feels and all of what grace did completely unfiltered not that james would try to hide it from her but hed definitely try to soften the blow and i just think she needs to hear the whole truth and AND i really fucking hate when characters overhear only part of something and assume the worst and run away its so common and i hate it so much and i hate how she ran to matthews because i knew it was going to happen and i knew matthew was in love with her and that it was already straining their bond because no one fucking realised that james was madly fucking in love with cordelia because of that fucking bracelet have i mentioned have i mentioned how much that bracelet pisses me off i dont think i have lets get into it so how james was unable to feel properly for three years and how his head was so foggy he was unable to think properly too and how because of that he missed matthew becoming a drunk and how the merry thieves look to james as their leader so if james isnt saying anything about it then there must not be anything to say and how james was already in love with cordelia before the bracelet and thats part of why grace couldnt control him and how he loved her for years how he was in love with her for years how no one knew this not even him because everyone thought he was in love with grace how cordelia was in love with him but thought he was in love with grace how cordelia got married to him knowing she was in love with him and thinking he was in love with someone else how she could tell he wanted her but thinking he just wanted her body and that he was still in love with grace how she’d rather have some of him than none of him at all how he picked out everything in their house with cordelia in mind how he remembered that she loves chess and she never thought he would how he learned a whole other language for her how he immediately checks on her after every battle how everyone, especially cordelia, just writes all this off as who knows what because he cant be in love with cordelia if hes in love with grace and hes obviously in love with grace how no one could ever notice there was something wrong because they were feeling the effects too how james was so in love with cordelia that that love unintentionally broke an enchantment made specifically for james by a Prince Of Hell one of the most powerful beings the entire species will ever meet and i think that covers the gracelet situation but i keep thinking of the scene where the bracelet cracks when grace first went to curzon street and kissed james and james’ mind literally thinking it was cordelia because who else would he be kissing and afterward grace saying ‘i dont know who you think you were kissing, james herondale, but it wasnt me’ and im like damn right bitch get fucked but back to cordelia running to matthews okay i know she didnt know matthew was in love with her so she wasnt doing anything wrong going to him but i kept thinking they were going to kiss or something because we all know matthews in love with her and there were a bunch of hints that cordelia might be attracted to matthew and she was upset about james and i just kept thinking something bad would happen and i was right but shit i didnt think id be like that i had no idea matthew was leaving for paris and even less of an idea that cordelia would join him and the thing is i cant even be mad i cant blame her i would probably do the same thing hell id probably ask to go with and im very proud of her for saying she’d go If matthew stops drinking i really appreicate that and i hope he gets better but the all those misses how james left the house only minutes after cordelia and arrived at matthews only minutes after they left and how he could see them at the train station could see them getting on the train and leaving and leaving him behind because his sister is missing and he shouldve ran and caught them and begged them to stay if not just to help find lucie because they both think of lucie as a sister and they absolutely wouldve stayed to help her and then there would be the chance for james to explain the gracelet situation and everything would be fine it would fine eventually and everything would be okay but NO and ive said a lot but i havent even mentioned cordelia being a paladin for fucking lilith yet where did that come from i was not expecting that ill tell ya see i thought it was odd that wayland the smith would still be alive and that it wasnt mentioned in any of the other books and i thought it was odd that some apparently god-like blacksmith would be wearing such an elegant jeweled necklace and i thought it was odd that magnus would be back from the spiral labyrinth for just a day and would be staying with hypatia instead of ya know his own place but shit id never have put it together as one person let alone lilith and i cant say it came out of nowhere because it said that edom used to be liliths so it would make sense that she would want belial gone so she could have it back but still that was unexpected but im not disappointed i mean im obviously upset that cordelia is now pledged to the mother of demons and feels like she cant even touch a weapon speaking of which what did she do with cortana where did she put it she said she dealt with it which makes me nervous but we know she couldnt have broken it or anything a) because i dont think she physically can and b) emma has cortana later but i think cordelia should keep cortana close since its the only thing that can mortally would belial and apparently he only needs one more before something happens im guessing before hes like gone gone so she definitely needs cortana and lilith wants her to kill belial so i think she should and if shes stuck as liliths paladin after that and never wants to touch a weapon again so be it but get rid of belial first ya know anyway i think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember so if you read all of this holy shit im sorry thats a lot i hope it was entertaining at least and i hope i didnt also get you pissed off
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delimeful · 4 years
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First time they saw Patton cuddling with Virgil? (Like y’know the energy thing maybe?) Or Virgil protecting the three of them from some other alien?
Okay, now that Making Adjustments is out in full, I’m posting all the asks that inspired me for certain parts or even just to continue writing! Thank you to everyone who sent in ideas/what they wanted to see/theories, I really appreciate it! All asks under the cut!
@ironwoman359 said: I’d be really interested to read about what the first week or two aboard the ship with all four of them was like. I’m sure it was a big adjustment for all of them, and it’d be really cool to see!
@skeletonsloverockcandy said: WINBAR prompt - Virgil’s first night on the ship, is not with Patton, and gets a nightmare. Logan finds him and Virgil has to explain his nightmare/dreams
@the-princey-pie said: Logan mentioned that Virgil would probbaly have trouble fitting through the space ship doors. Now I really want to see Vorgil stepping into their spaceship the first time/navigating it for the first few weeks.
@indigomasquerade97 said: WIBAR prompt. Virgil is Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. You know the scene I’m talking about! ;) Roman is still freaked out with the idea of having a human on board, and one night (maybe on patrol, since he is still jittery from loosing Patton and doesn’t want to loose him - or Logan - again) and he gets freaked out by the nocturnal human suddenly being in the room? IDK
Anonymous said: So. I was wondering for the WIBAR prompts, what was Virgil’s first night on the ship like? How did Roman and Logan act towards him? And is he worried that his relationship with Patton is going to change now that he’s back with his family? Sorry if this is a lot…
Anonymous said: WIBAR prompt idea: Food! Since food is often culturally connected for humans, would it be the same for our alien friends? And if they have any, from Virgil’s pov., strange food items etc. Would be interesting to see considering they are all from such different species. :D
@justanotherpurplebutterfly said: WIBAR: did Patton tell his crewmates how to interpret Virgil’s body language? Did they figure it out for themselves? Did they struggle to remember when they saw him smile or stretch (and make himself big) or something?
Anonymous said: I would love to see some V POV or adjustment period/cultural differences! (particularly L/R’s reactions to V smiling, differences in diet/hunting styles, what V considers a threat vs. what LMP consider threats… anything that highlights the deathworlder in Virg! (Space Australia is like my fav thing that came out of tumblr)) also maybe some more of L/R’s thoughts on Patton befriending a space boogieman?? I really really love this au! :)
Anonymous said: OoOOooh okay how about,, Virgil’s POV as they head back to Roman and Logan’s ship and get on, (and maybe if he doesn’t know the species Logan and Roman are he could ask? That seems the easiest way for us to learn more about the boys without it being too awkwardly shoved in) and V’s probably awkward because he doesn’t know Lo and Ro and Ro’s openly hostile and he wasn’t expecting to go along with them and idk you decide. Also :DD wibar’s not done yet!! Tysm; I’m really enjoying it!
@bishopriecke said: Okay, so I’ve got a couple prompts so I’ll send them separately in case that’s how you’d wanted them? The story is absolutely adorable and it made me think of the sleeping habits back on the ship. There’s space for Virgil, but will Pat gravitate to sleeping with him, since it was such a comfort and Virgil only gets sleepy if he snags energy during cuddles? If he’s tired/virgil’s stressing over something will he wander over to where Virgil is chilling and settle in his lap? How’s Ro&Lo react?
@bumblebeekitten said: Do any of the others attempt to learn Virgil’s language? Or maybe Virgil quietly tries to dispel some of the more hurtful rumors about ‘deathworlder humans’?
Anonymous said: What would wibar Roman and Logan do if they couldn’t find Patton? Would they assume Virgil had done something?
Anonymous said: While waiting for more WIBAR, I keep re-reading everything (Act 1, Intermission, all the world building asks). Right now, I just want to plead with Patton to go find Virgil as he needs comfort, to calmly tell Logan that I don’t blame him, and to hiss at Roman that, while he has had bad experiences and that is valid, he needs to be nicer. Granted, a reaction like that from a human fan-nut probably wouldn’t help Virgil’s case… but he needs a hug so much right now!
Anonymous said: i’m thinking there’s lots of potential for hurt/comfort with this chapter. Virgil’s obviously panicking so i reckon he’s gonna have to try and convince himself that he can trust Patton if not the others. i feel like virgil still wont trust the others but they’ll get to see that he’s not always this big, strong deathworlder and he gets scared just like them. he’s been traumatised and he cares for Patt a lot and theyll try to understand eachother better and hopefully become friends/gain some trust
Anonymous said: that is very much wishful think and a need for my boys to be happy though haha. soz, that probably wasnt very helpful for writing but thats just something i’d like to see happen but i KNOW that whatever you end up writing is gonna be fabulous (ran out of room on my last ask and couldnt even sign it, whoops)
@justanotherpurplebutterfly said: I’m mainly really curious how Roman will react. If he has even have as big of an imagination as buobba Roman then he will probably interpret Virgil’s outburst as a violent attack and try to frame him as a danger they shouldn’t keep on the ship. However if he was able to detect Virgil’s fear then this might be the first step of them growing closer. Idk which I like better, because on one hand I want them to to get along and witness wacky human things in an amicable atmosphere, but on the other hand, misunderstandings are soooo good!!!! Most of all I want Virgil to get a hug though. Poor boy deserves one. I don’t care with who it is, although I suspect it will be Patton because no way the other ones trust Virgil enough and vice versa.
@yalltookmyurlideas said: Haha wibar fears? There are,,, so many. My main fear is that Roman will misinterpret Virgil’s panic to mean he’s hiding something and not see it for the panic and fear it is.
Anonymous said: I was thinking about for WIBAR, are we going to find out more about Virgils life on Earth? Is there angst there or is it irrelevant? Also would Logan and Roman go after Virgil themselves so as not to worry Pat or would they realise this was a situation they couldn’t solve? OR does Roman think V is attacking them and goes to hurt him? Sorry long ask but I’m excited for the chapter 😅😅🥰🥰
Anonymous said: Ayyy super late gang, barely got a hour of sleep bc anxiety/nightmares so yeehaw. I guess for WIBAR, the most essential thing to consider is how you want Making Adjustments to sorta add onto its characters & how they interact. Idk that ofc, but I think the situation is going to resolve into a ‘im only human’ (the irony) kinda situation and the crew (maybe minus patton??) only /starting/ to grasp the human is a bunch of damaged goods who is lowkey more scared of them than they are of he (½)
Anonymous said: (2/2) how i see the situation going down? Depends who finds him. If it’s Pat, he could sing him clam like in the cell. If its Roman or Logan, odds are Virgil’s gonna b scared & his response will be to Fight or Freeze, as he already did the Flight option. Virgil reacting like a cornered animal would be terrifying Ro and Lo. (Also Ro and Lo going to wake up Pat for Human Help has the same vibes of a child waking up their parents to tell them they puked lmao)
@killerfangirl3 said: After where you left last chapter, I am 100% terrified Roman will find Virgil before Patton and cause real danger to everyone. After all Virgil is flooded with adrenaline right now and he barely knows how his strength affects the metal? of the ship as it is. The sudden increase in strength if he was attempting to defend himself could cause him to put a hole in the ship.
@hotchocolatehugs said: Oh! Also, would Virgil calm down if Patton found him, or would it just make him worse/more crazed? I dunno about his state of mind, but if I were in his position I would probably be acting aggressively to anyone who came in. Do aliens have hot chocolate or tea, or some equivalent drink? Because I think Virge needs a calming drink. (sorry if this is too much!)
Anonymous said: I saw your latest post and all I could think about is Virgil stuck on the appliance, really high up and close to the ceiling unseen while he sees Roman and Logan below. Maybe a bit of a language barrier while they say some words that Virgil may not no yet and jumping to conclusions and filling in the blanks in the sentences
Anonymous said: I’m afraid that In WIBAR, Roman may keep Pat from going to find and comfort Virgil and just…leave him up there
@katelynn-a-fan said: Mission impossible theme while looking for Virgil. Too short can’t see Virgil on top appliance. Mission impossible theme continues and fades into the distance. (That’s all I got)
Anonymous said: WIBAR suggestions/predictions/fears: I worry about Roman or Logan finding Virgil before Patton - Roman because I don’t think he will be understanding about how afraid Virgil is; Logan because I think that would scare Virgil more. He might break out of his flight stage into fight, and that could make them fear him more. But, while worry about this scenario, maybe it would be for the best. Maybe one or both need to find him at a low to see that he isn’t a monster, just scared.
@enby-phoenix said:
OK so wibar thoughts! I’m a little concerned that Roman will think that Virgil was genuinely trying to attack him with that chair and also probably trying to hurt Logan, and he’s gonna get upsetti. I also think that the way they figure out what’s made Virgil go all fight or flight will probably involve Logan doing the memory share thing, but it’ll take them a bit to get close enough without Virgil threatening to bite Logan’s hands off.
Also PLEASE let my boy eat a full meal and get some proper sleep!
I would also love to see Virgil curled around Patton protectively but everyone knows that it’s Patton who’s making Virgil feel safe.
Another prediction is that Logan, realizing that SOMETHING bad just happened, and knowing that all his information on humans seems to be incorrect or at least not apply to this one, will go to Patton for advice on what to do regarding Virgil’s sudden change of behavior, and how to calm him down again. Cause Patton is the resident expert on Virgil.
I also imagine that Logan might keep his note taking to himself again for a bit, until Virgil believes that he’s not the bad kind of scientist.
I love that Virgil climbed on top of the tallest thing he could find, and I imagine that if it’s above everyone else’s usual eyelines, they each walk past him multiple times while they’re worriedly searching the ship for him.
I’m mostly imagining Virgil clinging to Patton like a lifeline and the other two aliens worrying for their tiny friend but Patton knows that Virgil is just scared and sings him the “calm down baby it’s okay I’m here” hatchling soothing song until Virgil calms down a little, and then still staying with him while explanations are had. They do not come out of the small space on top of the tallest appliance and Roman doesn’t like that but he’ll deal.
Now that I’m thinking about it more, one of the best ways for Logan to gain (at least a little bit of) Virgil’s trust would be for Virgil to see his honest reaction to what the other scientists did to him. Cause based on what I know of Logan, he would be horrified. And that might help Virgil to realize that Logan ISN’T LIKE those other scientists.
Anonymous said: *gets out the defibrillator to help kickstart the creative juices* At this point Virgil is running on fumes and when the trio find him Patton tries to comfort him. But he’s too stressed and feels betrayed and there’s just too much inner turmoil for him to hold back so he finally breaks down in front of them. Perhaps it’s not Patton that manages to calm him down, but Roman who finally recognizes him as a traumatized person rather than “just an evil human” :D
@enby-phoenix said: tbh Virgil probably hisses at either Logan or Roman at some point and it makes them nervous and confused.
Anonymous said: Roman forcing Virgil down from his hiding spot. 'Blade’ to his neck and tying him to a chair. Virgil thinking that he shouldn’t have run and that they are going to be even angrier at him now, ergo more painful experiments. Begging to be put under for the cutting away and to please don’t get mad at Patton (just in case Patton was trying to be a good friend).
Anonymous said: Suggestion for WIBAR - Roman goes looking for Virgil, all ready for a confrontation. But, when he finds him, Virgil unknowingly makes some sort of gesture that means fear/terror to Roman’s people and he stops and evaluates the situation with clearer eyes. This gives Patton/Logan/both a chance to get there.
Anonymous said: Can we get somr wibar fluff/angst?
Anonymous said: I’m just waiting for WIBAR Virgil to just pass out and the panic of everyone that sees him. Or Roman threatening him or Logan goes to touch him and BAM he’s on the floor!
Anonymous said: Stuff for WIBAR: 1: who’s gonna find Virgil? 2: what’re they gonna do with him? 3: how’s he gonna react? – Options: Patton: tries to comfort him Virgil: can’t decide whether to trust or not, maybe leading to emotional outburst and sad PatPat – Logan: scared cuz danger goblin had an outburst at him. Wondering what he did wrong & how to best proceed Virgil: 'he’s gonna do tests on me’ fight or flight – Roman: 'so, if you hurt my friends imma hurt you’ Virgil: fight or flight – ½
Anonymous said: 2/2 Of course those aren’t the only options, but it was fun for me, and I hope it got creative juices flowing for you as well. I love all your writing, and I want you to know that you can take as long as you need to be proud of your work. It’s okay. And take care of yourself too! You can’t make as good of work when you aren’t feeling as good as usual
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herakosmos · 4 years
Text
matchup for @ioveworm!𐐪𐑂
“Hi!! my general info is: im 5'8, kinda chubby but not big in the boob area, (sobs), i have semi long curly black hair with brown front strands! i use she/her, im a virgo sun, sag moon, pisces rising! my personality type is intp-t. im pretty snarky without realizing it, also can be too blunt/straight forward around someone im comfortable with! i have a RBF so some people say i look angry/intimidating but in reality its just my social awkwardness which somehow feeds into that + the fact im awful at speaking with strangers, if i don't have to speak to someone i definitely wont so people need to take the first step in taking </3 im a huge empath and can sympathize with a lot of people but aso can hold grudges/ know how to stand my ground if i REAAALLLLY need to even if i am literally shitting myself LOLLL. i also cry very easily during movies, if an animal dies even if its just in the background i WILL break down into tears. im also super self conscious bc of my weight so 9/10 times i will be trying to make myself as unnoticeable as possible. i can be pretty sarcastic and retort back but if something someone says rubs me the wrong way i can tear up and cry easily haha.... i LOVEE dogs!! music/making playlists, horror movies/game play throughs, pubg/gaming, anime and learning abt animals! i can handle people who are quiet/dont talk much pretty well as long as they reassure me that im not being annoying or bothering them!! but if we can both talk about stuff we like together it makes me super happy and i'll always hear them out!! im pretty bubbly around people i'm close with and giggly but if i'm around other random people im still quiet/neutral... I HOPE THIS ISNT TOO MUCH !!!🥺😞”
hi!! and also dont worry about it i love longer descriptions bc it gives me more ideas on what to put in matchups! <33
this honestly took me longer than it should, but it was because i wanted to give myself a challenge and be more diverse with my options!
i really hope you enjoy this 🥺
i match you up with . . .
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kenjirō shirabu!! 𐐪𐑂
✰ ok this pairing went through a lot of rollercoasters when meeting, BUT HEAR ME OUT 
✰ the sorta tsundere x lovable girlfriend trope in this is 🥺🥺🥺🥺
✰ your first encounter with shirabu would be sorta rocky i’d say. he has this thing where he tries to mask his real feelings with insults because he honestly doesn’t know what the fuck are feelings
✰ i feel like the reason why he fell for for you was mostly because of how everyone perceived you to be this mean and b*tchy person when you’re actually the opposite
✰ one day you just couldn’t handle it anymore and started to release a few tears from each eye
“do you hate me that much?”
✰ honestly this line broke him :((
“you’re not annoying to me kay? it’s just…never mind”
✰ the more you two actually spent time together though, you guys do warm up to each other bit by bit
✰ him asking you out would probably be the most awkward thing ever JBAKHBXKHXB
✰ poor boy is new to all of this mushy feeling stuff
“weprobablymaybelikeeachotheridontknowbutwouldyougooutwithme..?” 
✰ you would probably be like: ???
✰ THIS GUY IS TURNING SO RED NOW SEND HELP FOR HIM
✰ i don’t know why but he’ll be the type to just whip out his phone and try to type out what he was trying to say while you’re in front of him
✰ shirabu: go out with me?
✰ the two of you end up becoming a blushing mess together (AWHH)
✰ lemme tell you, once this guy becomes your man, all hard work pays off
✰ this man would take care of you. even though he rarely shows it verbally, he definitely does through acts of services
✰ shirabu understands your self coniousness since he tends to get like that too. to be honest he doesn’t really care about the way you look. he loves you just the way you are and it honestly makes him want to punch whoever made you feel the need to be super conscious about yourself
✰ the amount of cute puppy pictures he spams your phone just to cheer you up (AWHHH)
✰ he knows probably almost everything about you and remembers even the smallest details
✰ like for example he knows that you dye the front strands of your hair brown, so on his own he’ll buy boxes of hair dye for you and leave them in the cabinet 
“don’t use too much of it or else i have to get more”
✰ he’s so blunt omg and sometimes it may rub you the wrong way, but shirabu really does try to tone it down for you because he hates it when you cry. especially when he is the cause of it :((
✰ he’ll pull you close and kisses away your tears🥺
✰ dates can include going to dog cafés, the zoo or movie dates at home :D
✰ the first ever time you guys had a movie date this boy really thought of a plan to give you the scare of a lifetime by watching a super scary horror movie. little did he know you LOVED horror, so when he put it on you were unfazed and this dude was so shocked at you
✰ in shirabu’s mind: how the fuck is she not scared right now
✰ his reactions were so priceless and honestly he was kinda pissed you weren’t cuddling up against him right now for protection😭😭
“how are you not afraid of this”
“i don’t know either, i mean this is sooooo scary”
✰ shirabu turned to you immediately with a shocked expression. he learned two things that day, you loved horror movies and can get pretty sarcastic lmao
“thanks a lot for ruining my plans of you jumping into my arms for protectio-”
“what?”
“what?”
✰ shirabu was actually the one who suggested going to a dog café and the zoo afterwards. it really shocked you since he wasn’t really big with animals
✰ in actuality, the setter knew how much you loved animals and wanted to take you on an animal themed date for the day (even though he’ll never say it)
✰ the way your eyes sparkled and become so invested in the creatures honestly makes him so soft. no one makes him so soft like you, you’re one lucky girl🙈
“baby can we please get a dog?”
“no”
“pleeasseee”
“no”
“you can be the big spoon from now on”
“yes”
✰ KJDBXJBSJSJBNJN
✰ NO ONE KNOWS SHIRABU LETS YOU BE THE BIG SPOON AND IF ANYONE DID ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE
✰ light giggles started to leave your mouth due to the fact he gave in so quickly because of that one offer
✰ shirabu soon started to mess up your hair and gave you a small smile🥺🥺
“i’m only agreeing, so you won’t have to have a permenant pout on your face whenever we pass a dog on the street baka”
✰ head pokes are a BIG thing for showing his “affection” for you
✰ making fun of him? head poke
✰ getting frustrated because of an idiotic character in an anime? head poke
✰ whenever shirabu plays a video game with you he’ll show NO mercy and try to beat you and when he does his cocky smirks start to show. he also tries to hold back his tongue to try and not tease you
✰ but when you win, omg he gets so salty. his face most definetely would try not to show it, but inside his head he’s raging SO MUCH
“tch you only won because i let you”
“sure babe, sureeee”
✰ becomes so salty he’ll probably start a pillow fight with you LMAO
✰ this guy definitely loves late night calls with you. he enjoys your soothing voice and would wanna hear you talk 24/7. he gets fairly busy juggling studies and volleyball, so your voice really makes him feel less stressed out🥺 sometimes the call would run on until the next day because you two soon fall asleep on call together haha
✰ i feel like shirabu wouldn’t have a lot of pet names for you, but sometimes he’ll call you “baka” “babe” and “darling”
✰ you being a virgo and him being a taurus you guys are a great match!
✰ both can be quite sincere and devoted to one another. virgos like taurus’s strength and commitment while taurus loves virgo’s quick mind!
✰ shirabu is an ENTJ while you are an INTP which means another great match :)))
✰ ENTJs love INTP’s way of thinking, knowledge and being patient. INTPs love ENTJ’s enthusiasm for knowledge, straightforwardness and being able to take criticism well <33
bonus!
heres an anime relationship type gif that i just think you two would do 🥺
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studyign · 4 years
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Hey! I don’t know if you’re the right person to ask, but I’m just looking for a little advice and encouragement. I just finished my first semester at college and I mostly had a blast. However, I was very unhappy with my grades. I got mostly Cs, which I’ve never done before😔 I feel like my mental health got in the way of me excelling, even in subjects o usually love and am kinda good at. Also, I’m afraid I won’t be able to get into med school or grad school, which I really want to do.
i really really feel u
it literally took me 3 semesters to figure out how to do well in college - my first year was HARD! i was learning to juggle a lot and maybe not doing as well as i did in high school was a growing experience i needed to have. ive gotten my share of b’s and c’s in classes i worked my ass off in. i want to go to grad school too - i do worry about my gpa not being high enough, so im rly in the same boat as u!! i wont lie to u, i sometimes stress about it but all i can do is keep working hard & believing in myself and my dreams!!! like i cant change the grades i was unhappy with but i control my future grades!! good luck love!
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arysafics · 5 years
Text
Now I’m Addicted
Chapter Eight
Normally, Clarke really looks forward to getting away to the beach for a weekend, just her and Wells. This year, the thought makes her queasy.
Clarke had been partly relieved to move make home with Wells. Living in a hotel had kind of sucked, and living alone was even worse. She still doesn’t know if she made the right decision. But she promised him she’d try, so she’s going to try.
And yes, it’s Bellamy she really wants, and not Wells. But she can’t have Bellamy. Bellamy doesn’t want her, and Wells does. So maybe she’s settling for second best, but it’s better than being alone for the rest of her life.
Despite her best intentions, and the fact that she really is trying, she’s not ready to go away with Wells alone. She’s worried the trip will just magnify all the holes in their relationship, before they’ve had a chance to really fix them. She doesn’t want to cancel the trip completely, so she suggests inviting a few other people to join them. Wells agrees surprisingly easily. Actually, he’s been very accommodating the past couple of weeks, almost like he’s walking on eggshells around her, afraid she’ll up and run again. But the truth is he doesn’t really have anything to worry about. Now that Clarke knows she has no shot with Bellamy, she has no reason to leave him. She wishes there was some way to prove that to him, so they can get start getting back to normal.
The beach house is huge, and Clarke thinks it’s probably worth a hell of a lot of money if Wells ever decides to sell it. Thelonius Jaha had left most of his money to charity when he died, but he left Wells the beach house. Not to sound selfish, but if Clarke’s mom does that, she’s going to be super pissed.
Clarke invites Octavia and Raven, and they both decide they’re bringing their partners. Monty and Harper can’t make it, and Jasper and Miller don’t want to hang around a bunch of couples for the whole weekend. So Clarke figures it’s going to be six people in the five bedroom house, with each couple getting their own bathroom. She’s actually looking forward to it.
But then she gets a call from Bellamy. She’s on the train home from work, and she almost drops her phone when she sees his name pop up. She dithers for a moment, her heart pounding, before she finally decides to answer.
“Hi,” she says, trying to sound as casual as possible.
“Clarke,” he says, and the sound of her name on his tongue makes her knees go weak.
“What’s up?” she asks him. He’s obviously calling for a reason. And that reason is probably not to tell her how madly in love with her he is, however many times she’s envisioned that scenario in her mind’s eye.
“Uh, well…” he starts. “Octavia asked me if I wanted to come to the beach with you guys this weekend.”
“Oh.”
“I mean, I figured I should check if it was okay with you first.”
“You really want to come?” Clarke asks. She kind of figured he was avoiding her.
“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” Bellamy says. “I could really do with a vacation,” he laughs. Clarke squeezes her eyes shut, her stomach twisting at the familiar sound of his laugh. How had she not figured out sooner that she was in love with him?
“Of course it’s fine,” Clarke says, because why wouldn’t it be? They aren’t sleeping together anymore, so they don’t have to worry about Wells. As far as either of them are concerned, they’re just distant friends. Or acquaintances maybe.
“Great,” Bellamy says. “Is it okay if I bring someone?”
Clarke hesitates, probably too long. “Sure,” she says quickly, hoping he hadn’t noticed her hesitation. No, she doesn’t want him to bring his girlfriend, and no, she doesn’t want to think about what it means that he’s only been dating Echo barely a month and yet he’s bringing her on a weekend away with all their friends.
“Okay. I guess I’ll see you Friday.”
“Okay,” Clarke swallows. “See you then.”
  The prospect of seeing Bellamy scares Clarke to death. She hasn’t seen him since A: she realised she was in love with him, and B: he broke her fucking heart. So yeah, she’s a little nervous to say the least.  
Wells doesn’t seem to notice, though she’s mostly silent on the drive to the beach house. Or perhaps he’s just letting her have her space. Either way, she’s glad he’s not questioning her about it. There’s only so many times a person can use the excuse I’m just tired before it starts to seem like a lie.
Clarke and Wells get there first and claim the master bedroom. Clarke unpacks her suitcase into the wardrobe, to keep herself busy. The task doesn’t really keep her mind off Bellamy though, and she keeps listening for a car in the driveway, her heart pounding rapidly.
Octavia, Niylah, Raven, and Shaw arrive together, and Clarke finally has a suitable distraction from her thoughts, as she’d introduced properly to Niylah for the first time, and Raven and Octavia start telling a story about The Worst Driver in the World they encountered on their way here.
She’s so caught up in Octavia’s theatrics, she doesn’t even notice at first when Bellamy and Echo walk in the front door. That is until Octavia cuts herself off midsentence to greet her brother.
“Hey, you made it!” she says, walking over and giving him a hug. Clarke freezes, her heart suddenly lodged in her throat. Bellamy’s eyes seem to scan over the group until they land on Clarke. She smiles weakly, feeling like a nervous wreck. Fucking hell, he looks so good. And if in the back of her mind she’d harboured some doubt about whether or not she’s actually in love with him, that vanishes when he smiles back at her, and her heart squeezes itself so tight she can’t breathe. Not only that, but he pussy starts to throb, as if it can sense he’s close. Yeah, letting him come here was a huge mistake.
“Bellamy,” Wells says, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
Oops. She may have forgotten to tell Wells. Or rather, purposefully not told him because it was too hard to even say Bellamy’s name out loud.
“I did ask Clarke if it was okay,” he mentions.
“He did,” Clarke manages, finding her voice. “I guess I forgot to tell you.”
“All good, I guess. You’re here now. And who is this?” Wells nods to the tall brunette standing next to Bellamy. Clarke hates her on sight. With one glance at Octavia, Clarke can tell she isn’t impressed with the arrival of Echo either.
“Ah, this is my girlfriend, Echo,” Bellamy introduces. “Echo, this is… everyone.”
Hearing Bellamy call Echo his girlfriend sends a dagger through Clarke’s heart. And it’s not like she hadn’t known she was his girlfriend. But hearing him actually say it out loud is something else entirely.
“Girlfriend, huh, Blake?” Raven teases. “Seems like someone is finally settling down.”
Bellamy rolls his eyes. “Give it a rest, Raven. We’ve only been dating a month.”
“Only a month and she’s already your girlfriend though,” Raven continues. She turns to Echo. “I guess you’re the one to finally tame the wild beast,” she winks.
Echo smirks. “We’ll see,” she says, glancing at Bellamy flirtatiously. Bellamy looks a little uncomfortable by the whole exchange. Clarke wants to throw up.
“Who wants alcohol?” she announces, heading for the kitchen where Wells had stocked the fridge with beer and cider earlier.
They all end up in the outdoor area out the back of the house, drinks in hand and an array of finger foods on the table in front of them. Echo is sitting in Bellamy’s lap, playing with his hair, laughing too hard at his jokes. Clarke tries to keep her eyes averted, but she burns with jealousy. She wants to be the one sitting in his lap and playing with his hair, feeling his hard cock pressing into her, teasing him until he can’t think straight. She also wants to kick Echo in the face. Instead, she tightens her grip on her bottle of cider and snuggles into Wells’ side. It’s not because she’s trying to make Bellamy jealous. She’s not dumb enough to think he would even care. But she doesn’t want him to know how much she’s affected by his new relationship. So she’s a little more affectionate with Wells than she normally is. The alcohol probably helps.
“Who wants to play a drinking game?” Octavia asks.
“I’m in,” Raven says. “What are we playing?”
“You know, I think I’m a little old for drinking games,” Bellamy grimaces. He looks to Echo. “You want to go to bed?”
“You know I do,” Echo says, leaning in to kiss him.
“Gross,” Octavia says, voicing Clarke’s thoughts for her. “We won’t miss you.”
“Hey, you invited me,” Bellamy reminds her as he and Echo stand up. Clarke watches them head inside, hand in hand. To her surprise, Bellamy glances back for a moment and meets her eyes. She quickly looks away, pressing a kiss to Wells’ cheek. Overcompensating maybe. When she looks back to Bellamy, he’s gone.
“Clarke? Wells? You want to play?” Octavia asks.
“I actually think maybe we should go to bed too,” Clarke says. Somehow the thought of Bellamy and Echo alone in their room is worse than actually being able to see them together, and Clarke feels totally sober all of a sudden.
“Sounds good to me,” Wells grins. “See you guys in the morning.”
“Party poopers!” Raven calls after them as they go back inside.
Despite what Wells might think, Clarke’s intentions are just to go straight to sleep. Only, once she’s in her pyjamas, and under the covers, she begins to hear… noises through the wall. More specifically, the sound of Echo moaning like a mad woman.
Clarke groans, putting her pillow over her face as Wells gets into bed beside her.
“God, I hope we don’t have to listen to that all night,” he says. “Surely he can’t be that good in bed?”
Clarke knows for a fact that he is that good. Although Echo does sound completely ridiculous moaning like that. Clarke likes to think her own moans are much sexier. She does realise that even though she can hear Echo quite clearly, she can’t really hear Bellamy at all. She takes some satisfaction in the notion that maybe he’s not having as much fun with Echo as he did with Clarke.
Clarke turns over on her side to face Wells. “Fuck me,” she commands him.
“Huh?”
“You heard me.”
“Are you actually turned on by that?” Wells snorts.
“I just think we can outdo them.”
“Clarke, you’re not that loud in bed. I don’t think you can outdo Echo,” Wells rolls his eyes. “You know, that name actually suits her come to think of it.”
Clarke snorts. As much as she’d like to hang shit on Echo and her ridiculous name for the rest of the night, what she really wants is to get fucked. “I can be loud,” Clarke tells him. “Watch me.”
Wells doesn’t need to be told twice. And okay, pretty much all of Clarke’s noises are fake. But she’s pretty sure a lot of Echo’s are too. Sure, Bellamy is great in bed, but Echo sounds like she’s literally being murdered in the next room.
Clarke pretends to come when Wells comes, but even then, they can still hear Echo through the walls.
“How are they still going?” Wells asks incredulously. Clarke rolls her eyes.
“Let’s just go to sleep now, okay?” she huffs. She squeezes her eyes shut tight and tries to drown out the sounds of Echo.
  Clarke is awake early the next morning, long before anyone else will be up. Wells is still snoring softly next to her. It’s already warming up outside, and Clarke decides to take advantage of the solitude and go for a walk along the beach. She dresses in a pair of short shorts and a tank top and heads downstairs, stopping in the kitchen to grab a glass of water before she goes.
As she fills her glass at the sink, she looks out the kitchen window to see Bellamy lounging in the hammock on the front porch, reading, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts that Clarke swears are almost as tiny as her own. God, he’s so fucking sexy.
She lets herself watch him, his brow furrowed in concentration as he reads. She smiles to herself, her heart soft for him. So he has a girlfriend. She can still be in love with him and be his friend, right? It’s totally possible.
She puts down her glass and walks out onto the front porch. Bellamy looks up as the door slams behind her. He sits up, closing his book. His eyes rake over her body, lingering on her tits. She feels her clit twinge. So it’s not that he’s not attracted to her then.
“Hey,” she says. “I’m just going for a walk along the beach. Do you want to come?”
Bellamy considers. “Yeah, okay,” he agrees. He swings himself off the hammock, more gracefully than what Clarke would ever be able to manage, and follows her down the front steps.
They walk in silence towards the beach, Clarke with her hands in her back pockets for lack of something better to do with them. Because what she really wants to do is slip her hand into his. Or maybe just grab his face and kiss him.
It’s a five-minute walk until they reach the ocean, and it’s cooler out in the open air, and a little windy. The breeze blows through Bellamy’s already tousled locks, making him look like he’s in a beach themed photoshoot.
“So, uh, you and Echo, huh?” Clarke says. Why, she has no idea. She does not want to hear Bellamy gush about his girlfriend. “Seems like things are going well. If what I heard last night is anything to go by.”
Bellamy snorts. “You heard that, huh?”
“How could I not?”
“I will admit she’s a little over the top. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was faking it sometimes,” Bellamy admits.
“And how do you know better?”
Bellamy smirks. “Come on, Clarke. Don’t pretend like I didn’t make you come over and over and over.”
Clarke shivers. Fucking hell, does he have to make her want him so bad? “So we’re talking about that are we?”
Bellamy shrugs. “We don’t have to. How are things going with Wells, now that you’re…?”
“Back together?” Clarke finishes for him. Bellamy stops, staring at her. His jaw ticks.
“Back together?” he repeats. Clarke’s eyes widen as she realises what she’s said. “I was going to say monogamous.” Bellamy swallows. “You and Wells broke up? When? I mean… Octavia never said—”
“She doesn’t know,” Clarke says quickly. Her face burns. “I didn’t tell anyone. So please don’t mention it. No one knows.”
“Okay,” Bellamy nods. He seems unable to look at her now. They continue walking.
“It was right after… you ended things with me. And it was only for like a week. I guess I just wanted to see if being with Wells was what I really wanted,” Clarke shrugs.
Bellamy turns his head towards her sharply, his eyes piercing into her. “And it is, then?”
Clarke swallows. “Yes.”
An uncomfortable silence follows. Clarke isn’t sure why. All she knows is she’s completely on edge, half of her desperate to confess everything to him, the other half desperate to hold onto her pride. The prideful side of her wins out.
“You want to go swimming?” she says. Anything to break the silence.
“What?”
“The water looks so nice,” Clarke continues. She tilts her head at him, waiting to see if he’s coming.
“I think I’ll pass,” he says. Clarke shrugs, as if to say suit yourself, and then she pulls her tank top over her head and her shorts over her ass. She can feel him watching her strip down to her underwear, and she’s totally not doing this to get a reaction from him, but if it turns him on too then she’s not complaining.
She looks back over her shoulder as she heads towards the water. He’s still watching her. She can’t help a smirk from spreading across her face.
The water is freezing, but Clarke forces herself to wade in anyway. She reaches her waist then dives under the water. She breaks the surface again, gasping from the cold, flicking her hair out of her eyes. She stands up, the water just reaching her breasts.  
“Come on!” she yells to Bellamy. “It’s not cold, I swear!”
“You’re lying!” he yells back, but he’s very clearly smiling.
“Don’t be such a chicken!”
Bellamy shakes his head, laughing. But then he’s walking towards her and into the water.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bellamy swears as he gets deeper. “It’s fucking freezing, Clarke!”
“It’s not that bad!”
He dives under the water and surfaces half a metre from her. “You’re insane,” he tells her.
“Yet you followed me anyway.”
“You’re too persuasive.”
Clarke pokes her tongue out, and then splashes him. Bellamy raises an eyebrow, smirking.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Griffin,” he challenges, stepping towards her.
“Oh, what are you going to do?” she teases. He lunges for her and she turns away, trying to escape his grasp half-heartedly, but he grabs her around the waist, pulling her back flush against his chest.
“No, don’t!” she squeals, laughing.
“Do you surrender?” he asks, lips against her ear. Clarke squirms, trying not to think about his wet skin against hers. But it feels like he’s touching her everywhere, and her head swims and her cunt pulses with need. She wonders if he’s hard right now, but she doesn’t dare make a move to find out.
“I surrender,” she tells him, and he lets her go. She turns around, but she doesn’t put any distance between them. His eyes flick to her lips and she wills him to kiss her.
“Clarke,” he says hoarsely. “I really want to kiss you.”
“So kiss me,” she murmurs.
Bellamy shakes his head. “I have a girlfriend, Clarke. I’m not going to cheat on her.” Right, Echo. “We should head back,” Bellamy sighs, stepping away from her. Disappointed, but knowing it’s better this way, Clarke follows him back up to the sand. She grabs her clothes from the ground but doesn’t put them back on yet.
“We should wash the salt and sand off before we go,” Clarke says, nodding her head towards the public bathroom by the carpark. There’s an outdoor shower around the side of the brick building. Clarke gets under first, and the water is cold but not as cold as the ocean. She closes her eyes to let the water fall over her face, and opens them to find Bellamy looking at her strangely.
“What?” she asks.
“You know your underwear is totally see-through right now, right?”
Clarke had not known, but when she looks down now, she can see that he’s right. The white material of her bra and panties clings to her, the water having turned them so transparent it’s like she isn’t wearing anything at all.
“Oh,” she says. “You’re right.” She looks back up at him. “You waited a long time to tell me that,” she points out. He must have noticed as soon as they got out of the water. And he definitely hasn’t been not looking at her.
Bellamy flushes. “Clarke—”
“I guess there’s no point in wearing them at all then,” Clarke shrugs. She reaches behind her to unclasp her bra and lets it fall from her chest. Then she peels off her panties and throws them to the side where her shorts and tank top sit.
“Fucking hell, Clarke,” Bellamy groans, shaking his head.
“We’re wasting water,” Clarke says, she reaches out and grabs his arm, tugging him into the shower with her. He’s stronger than her, he could resist easily, if he wanted to. He doesn’t.
He doesn’t move to touch her, but he’s so close that her nipples brush his chest, and he’s looking down at her with dark eyes, filled with want.
“Why are you like this?” he asks. Is that an insult or a compliment?
“Like what?”
“Irresistible,” he murmurs. His hands come to rest of her waist, and then he leans down, capturing her lips between his. Clarke whimpers as she closes her eyes, her arms circling around his neck. The water shuts off automatically, but Clarke barely notices. Bellamy presses her against the brick wall behind her, crushing her tits against his chest. He’s kissing her like his life depends on it, desperate and messy, like he’s trying to remind her she’s alive. She’d almost forgotten what it’s like to be kissed by him, and now that she remembers she doesn’t ever want him to stop again. She needs him to remind her how it feels to be fucked, really fucked. She wants him to fill her throbbing cunt with his cock, and come with him deep inside her.
“Bell, fuck me,” she moans. “I need you, I need you.”
“You need me, huh?” he says. “You need your pussy filled? You need my cock inside you?”
“Yes. Please. Please.”
“Of course you do, baby,” he murmurs, slipping a hand between her legs. “Bet you missed being fucked properly, didn’t you?”
“Uh huh,” Clarke nods as Bellamy plays with her clit. “I missed you so much.”
“Missed me? Or missed my cock?” He pushes two fingers inside her and she gasps.
“Both,” she moans. She tugs at his shorts, and he helps her pull them down to free his cock. “Oh god,” she groans. “I forgot how big it is. I need it inside me.”
“I know, baby, I know,” Bellamy coos. He kisses her again, gripping her ass, hoisting her up so she can wrap her legs around him.  He presses the bulging head of his cock against her entrance, and then he’s pushing inside her, stretching her pussy good and wide. Clarke almost comes right then.
Her back is against the bricks, and she clutches his back as he thrusts into her.
“Yes,” she gasps. “Fuck me, baby. Fuck me, fuck me.”
Bellamy moans and the sound sends shockwaves through her. He drives into her over and over, the pressure building inside her. She needs to come so bad, and she’s right there on the edge. I love you, she thinks. I love you, I love you. And it would be so easy to let it slip off her tongue right now, in this moment of bliss. But instead she just cries his name as she comes, her walls clenching around him as she comes all over his cock.
“Come inside me,” Clarke moans as he continues fucking her against the wall. “I need your come in me.”
“Anything you want,” Bellamy groans, letting his seed spill inside her, filling her up with his come. It leaks out of her as he pulls his cock out of her and lets her back onto the ground. Bellamy steps back, pulling his shorts back up, not bothering to clean himself up. She wonders if he’s feeling guilty. He grabs her clothes and hands them to her, and Clarke quickly puts her wet underwear back on and then her shorts and top. Bellamy looks away, as if he hadn’t just had his hands all over her naked body.
“Are you okay?” Clarke asks.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” Bellamy nods.
“What about Echo?”
Bellamy considers. “She doesn’t have to know.”
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trickstarbrave · 5 years
Text
i will probably have to move across the country to be w my gf a year and its rly exhausting to think abt. the cold is rly hard on my joints and ill be staying in fucking cleveland and A: ohio sucks and my parents are going to fight me on this decision bc they hate it and B: the weather there is god awful. i have a metal bar in my leg and it is physically painful to be in the cold and have weather changes and the like
and like i said my parents are gonna fight me on it. if i say we’re planning on moving to arizona after like a year of being there, they will get fussy and angry bc they wont see the point in me moving there and back despite the fact my gfs parents have a lot of money and are perfectly willing to help me move there and then the both of us move back. their solution will probably be sell a car in hopes i can pay some rent in the valley or smth or me getting a job in my home town and i literally despise my home town and would rather live anywhere else but there. im fine with visiting my family and friends and getting food, but i do not want to work a job where i am forced to interact with the people who decided i was the fucking anti-christ in middle/high school. i was afraid to go to my own neighbors funeral over the fact ppl would be there who i knew fucking hated me. and their solutions for jobs are either jobs i cant do due to physical limitations, maybe getting a job i can do but will be too competitive, OR taking classes at the community college part time while working as a full time fucking high school teacher in a building that housed some of the worst years of my fucking life educating children i am in no way mentally or emotionally capable of educating. 
where as there at least my gf’s parents would help support us until i can find a job, our mutual friend may also be allowed to move in and help us w bills and groceries and stuff, and my gfs parents will help us get a good apartment and help me get a job/sign me up for a program where disabled people get coaching and help us search for jobs we can do and gain experience. its not the worst place to spend a year trying to figure out how to fucking adult until we can all move to AZ (bc our mutual friend also wants to go there but ha ha money and also i dont feel comfortable just letting them fucking move here where they have no family and 1 friend who i know for a fact is emotionally and financially not super stable enough to help them)
im just really tired that i have to explain to my parents i would rather move to another place i hate than stay there or make them go into debt trying to get me a place to rent in a big city in hopes i can get a job and get on my own two feet alone when i have a gf w rich parents who literally wanna help me do it and also i would be helping our friend get out of a building that doesnt have fucking proper heating or wifi at all bc its a shitty old building and they cant pay to fucking fix it. 
sorry now im just rambling abt my life even tho i kno i have it WAYYYY better than most ppl. im from a pretty poor home town and not rly well off family. i just know they hate that state and are worried id die in a year and im also bummed i wont be able to see my best friend really/will have to fly down for christmas and stuff but. im tired of doing this long distance thing for 5 years lol i just wanna live together 
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bonbonswirl-blog · 5 years
Text
Safe (a little sequel to "impressive"?)
NONE OF THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO ME THEY ALL BELONG TO @BRUEKLYNN ONLY I OWN NOTHING.
U dont really have to read "impressive", but you may get really confused about what are the characters talking about here and wat happend bc the idea is like lil sequel to that fanfic. Something before we get to some action fanfic guys! also sorry bc one of the characters is a little OOC here (or maybe even both!) enjoy if you can lol.
Its been two hours since rob was searching for jim to ask him for his opinion about the new script he wrote for the new jokey episode. The proplem is, he cant find the stuttery storyboarder anywhere in sight! He looked in many rooms, He asked a lot of people if they saw him, with only samuel replying to him that jim was running away strangely like he was in a hurry, before telling rob to leave his office. Rob didnt really understand why would jim run that quickly like this in the studio, he was always so cautious about every little action he takes, espicially with the 'dangerous' things to him, running in the studio is an example, he knows that jim would tell him that doing this have many bad outlooks. like, he may fall and break his bones! Or have a few scars on his face! Or maybe fall hardly to the point that the ground break down under him and fall to the second floor beneath! Thinking like that was a little funny to rob, he never met someone before with the same thinking method. But presently he was tring to give jim some excuses for running like he did, what if he maybe had a meeting that he was late for? or he forgot to do something important in his job? or he was alerted about something and wanted to tell everyone? Rob wont know the exact reason, but he hopes that jim had done whatever he needed to do and right know, Rob needs to find him to finish this script review before the night come, he was already too tired of searching for jim. It may be weird to think that someone would hide all day in one of the studio room until the night, but everyone told rob that jim was noticed to be absent from the view since hours. With no sign that he went out of the place, the only option left is that jim locked himself in one of the studio rooms, which is the last option Rob wanted to consider since the studio is reeaally big and have many many rooms there....
Rob was already exusted greetly, his legs in pain, He looked in every studio room out there, expect for five ones, and good thing for him those are the last five. Whats even better? they are all in the same hall. Finally! Jim must be in one of those five, and all what he have to do is open and close the doors. those rooms seem to be some kind of store rooms in the studio, with each one having random things stored inside it.
Rob walked to the first room in the right and opened it, wishing jim is already there. But he saw nothing but some music instruments, he closed the door and went to the second room in the left, opening the door, finding just a bunch of papers everywhere, closing the door in dissapointment again, this is really boring and he is tired and want to end this work now. He went to the third room in the right, he was about to open it but....suddenly before he do...he heard a voice...a very low and odd voice.....but the hall he is in was so quiet that the odd voice was the only thing that could be heard, other than rob own footsteps. It was a very unclear and inditinct sound...it looked like it was coming from behind him, which was the forth door in the left, that is right behind him. It must be for jim right? Who else could it be for? Jim is the only one who must have locked himself in that room. When rob moved softly near to where the audio is coming from, the voice started to become a little more clear, but when rob drew his head near that door he tried to figure about what this voice is saying or who is he talking with. but he couldnt understand a word, perhaps those are not words and this is..........is this sobbing?....no.....he hoped that this is not what he is thinking about right now........he was really very worried about what is happening inside.........he even forgot about his whole purpose when he was searching for jim and just wanted to check if he is alright there.....he slowly moved the door handle and moved it down to open that door only to be greeted by..........
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"AHHHHHH!!!!!"
Jim screamed in fear and jumped so high when rob opened the door, breathing so heavily and hardly! on the other hand, rob screamed when jim did out of that sudden move, he just jumped a few steps to the back, he did it! he found jim! But before he utter any word he saw jim and..........he was highly startled by what he saw........jim face........all of it was......so ruddy......even his freckles were very hard to be noted under all of this redness..... his eyes...so puffy....so dark.... so swollen.....so dry......dry because all of the tears inside were used....the traits of the endless river of those salty drops that streamed down his tight face were etched on it as if he had been crying since forever....even some drops were still falling from his chin....his face was wet, on every inch of it......his shirt and hands even drenched....
".........Jim!............." " r-r-rob!.....I-I-I!..........I-I.....I....." jim whole body was trembling....he couldnt bring himself to say something.....how can he explain now? he looked like if he is trying to hold himself up strong...but he just..... gave up....collapsing on his knees, looking at the ground woefully. Rob was dolorous to the scene in front of him...he never thought that one day he will see something like that happen to one of the dearest people to him...... he tried with tender steps to approach his quivering friend, when he did.....he sat on his knees too, very placidly putting his hands on jim fallen face to make him look at him....but looking at jim crying face only made his heart sink....sink deep to places he never knew where there...it seemes that rob had a spot for his friend. That was a horrid thing that rob didnt want to witness again, Or jim...That cordial gloss that favoured jim eyes was no longer there... The look in them were so lonesome. The glint they had that revealed a world of darkness, his eyes revealed it all. The dark, colourless eyes that mourned his despair....rob gloomily moved his hand gently up and down his soulmate wet cheek, as if telling him that he will be ok, everything is alright now, he gave him one last sad look before starting to talk.
" ...What happend?..... " jim eyes went to the ground, the muscles of his chin tremble like a small child, despite the consolation feelings from his friend warm soft hands on his tensed face, he couldnt bring himself to speak of what happened, what if this ilwas a stupid reason to cry or to be afraid of? Rob waited for an answer, but it never came, he could sense that jim still have some doubt and terror inside him. Rob closed his eyes with a sigh, pressing his hands on jim face to make him focus on his once more "....jim....you are a very dear friend to me....my best friend...my soulmate....I really feel so worried about you...know that whatever happend...im here with you...I will always support and be next to you in whatever goes....I cant be fine when I see you like this...you can tell me anything you want to..I promise that I wont tell anyone...and will help you in whatever you need...please let me be a shoulder to you..and let me understand whatever bother you...." jim was....moved by what he just heard...that reminded him of how much lucky he is to have someone in his life like Rob, oh how much he loved being with him. He forced his desperate neck to look in the eyes of his understanding soulmate, he wanted so bad to be able to start narrating the story.
" R-Rob...can I tell you s-something?...." " ofcourse! You can tell me anything! " ".....I....sometimes rob....I....really w-wish that...I had a...n-normal childhood like all t-the other people...." he paused for a few seconds because that was something he wasnt certain he should talk about, rob looked at him with a confused face. " you s-see.....I-I just wished t-to run around in an o-o-open feild after butterflies like everyone...p-play in those small playgrounds in the b-backyards...d-draw with those colorful watercolor p-paints without being s-so scared to touch them...I-I-I just w-wish I was given t-the opportunity to try new things l-like all the others, without my freedom b-being held back by 'them'....if I j-just had a better people that could h-help me grow u-up...Insted Of Having A M-M-Man That Always Make Me Scream In Fright E-Every Moment He Comes home! A-And Cry Myself To S-Sleep!..." jim didnt know if he felt better or not after admitting everything...rob listened to him with every detail...he understands it all now... ".......jim.....I....Im sorry.....I-I understand you had a troubled family...but its alright...you are away from them now...you are here with us...that 'man' was all just a bad memory from the past..." ".......no.......worse......he wasnt j-just a memory... h-he was here.....h-here in the studio....h-he was trying to get me....a-again...pull me back to h-his drakness...He a-almost catched me...but t-thanks the gods samuel w-was there to save me..." rob got confused again, he thought jim was talking about his bad childhood, but it was more. He stopped. He gets what really happened now. Linking together what jim and samuel told him, he connected all the puzzle pieces together now. Jim father was here in the studio hours ago, jim saw him and fled away quickly, with samuel saving him in the last moment before being captured. Jim looked at rob, looking broken " r-r-rob!....I-I-I cant let him s-see me again...I-If he had me in his hands one more time....h-he.....h-h-h-h-h-h-h-he......" that last part was choppy as if jim tongue got tangled, his body shivering again, looking down in sorrow
" Jim "
The shy storyboarder, shakingly looked up hearing his name being called, his eyes started having a tenuous layer of water over them. Rob didnt speak a word. Insted, He opened his arms, as if telling his friend to come over here, rest his head on his shoulders, lay on him, and let it all out....jim understood it, he was taken aback by rob sudden genial offer, but he accepted it, crawling to him, then wrapping his shuddered lanky arms around his friend, resting his lumbering head on his best friend strong chest, feeling his mild heartbeats. Hearing it reminded jim of the nice and tenderness waves he feels when he is with rob. Who just closed his eyes and toke him in a sympathetic embrace.
Without hisetance, The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down his face, unceasingly, hands clutching at his holder back, who held him in silence. Perhaps these tears will help wash the blood out. He pressed his head against his friend chest, hoping that those heartbeats will soothe him down just like the patting in his back do. There is a static in his head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress he lives with. He hears his own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It takes something out of him he didnt know he had left to give. That's the way it is when people are hard. It's like a theft of the spirit, an injury no other person can see. Rob held him in silence, rocking him slowly as the tears soaked his chest, a tiny lapse let jim pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before he collapse again, his howls of misery worsening. The pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling him back into the outstretched arms of his grief.
" Shhhhhhhh.....Shhhhhh.....its alright jim.....you are here with me....in my arms you will be safe.....you are safe now.....you are safe...."
Just a few more minutes and jim was done, he now really feels better, he feela.....safe....a feeling he didnt encounter for such a long time ago, in Rob arms all his troubles have been washed away, how much can he be thankful to have him here with him? He lift his head after that break down to look at the script writer in gratitude, trying to find the right words to say, But before he do rob placed his hands on jim shoulders, making jim back stright, rob stared for momebt into his eyes.
" Now I want you to take a breathe and, inhale.....exhale....inhale....exhale" jim was taking deep breathes after rob. feeling the remaining weigh of stress go away.
" Now I want you to repeat after me..... My name is jim gooder. " " M-My name is j-jim gooder....." " I am a talented storyboarder. " "I-I am a t-talented storyboarder......" " and I have many friends who are by my side." " a-and I have m-many friends who are by m-my side....." jim stopped for a moment, he felt that he was a new person now, like he was reborn again. While rob gave him a friendly smile, feeling so happy for his dear soulmate recovery.
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hani-standi-blog · 6 years
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💙The Death of the Former Heroine💙
💐To make up for me being dead...Here comes the death of Joana Jett! This isn't canon..for now really.
(TW:Blood and..I wanna say gore even though there are no images and Death.)
Just what the woman needed, the fact that some old hag has stolen the California Drea. ability from her when she's like this. A smirk widening on the masked stranger's face " Well just look at this, Getting slow in your old age Joana?" she taunted, looking at her arms and chuckling wide "So this ability? allows me to hit with as much force as i want? As if my leg or whatever i throw has the weight of..Lets say the heaviest man on the planet? Oh but it wont be heavy to me will it? only to the sad..sad soul that gets effected by it~ Am i right?" She questioned, red soled shoes tapping with each step closer to the, just as quickly shuffling back, American. Gripping her leg, in an attempt to stop anymore blood from running down, she was loosing more and more blood by the second..Why was this woman so hard to fight?! Her stand is just a damn mask..Oh wait *it's ability*. That's how she beat Jordan. About to speak, all that left Joana's tired throat was a shriek in pain, feeling and hearing the squishing of the heel deep in one of her wounds, being grinded in deeper "Come on!! Come on Answer me!' Marilynn cackled loudly, constantly applying pressure to the leg. *God it hurt like a bitch..but Joana wasn't backing down, this woman decided to take on **Her** family, **Her** daughter, what was Joana expected to do? Sit back and watch her tearing down the village all so she can be the queen she once was and more? **Fuck no!**. With a grunt, the well known stand apeared, with the loud shout to **SHORA**, knocked the villain back, allowing the cheetleader to regain her posture "Well yes, But you will die before you get to use it" Joana said with a confident smirk, only tensing when pressure was applied to the now spurting blood leg, but that wasn't holding her back, if a mad man holding her guts out as she fought couldn't hold her back..neither would this. There was an uncomfertable silence when Marilynn stood, staring through her white pupiled mask as a loud, high pitched cackle rose from her throat "Finally!! This can get interesting~" the older woman said as a smirk rose onto the rosey red lips, both staring each other down. Joana was the firdt to throw a punch, not with her stand, afraid anymore of it's abilities would be taken away. A sharp hook to the temple knocked the woman back, causing a grunt to rise up "Brat.." left her lips before raising up the heels, once flat flooted heels were now sharp and resdy to pierce any unprotected tanned skin, luckily for our past heroine, she was prepared, allowing herself to slip to the side and see the heel stab into a innocent beetle, watching the body spurt from pressure with a grimance on her face "Oh you horrid little.." Marilynn gagged in disgust, lifting her foot and watching the many insides raising and stretching onto the bottom of the shoe "Do you know how much these things cost?" She squealed "With your pension? Im not guessing alot?" The woman replied with a chuckle, throwing a kick into her chest to knock her back "Come on, you old bitch! You wanted a fight lets go!" Joana challenged, standing and taunting, as if saying 'I'm open, come hit me for a prize". This just pissed off the already flaming decrowned beauty queen, if Joana was not blinded by her own ego, she would have noticed the heel coming towards her, a sharp exhale came from her however when it pierced her stomach, twitching she gripped the shoe, looking between the woman now coming at her and the sharp material embedded against her skin Just as the blood followed the heel in a sharp pull, fists connected with her aswell, giving her a few to the nose and cheeks, dazing the Jojo a little but it never made her back down, quickly pulling herself together, the two were brawling. Thowing punch after punch, kick after kick and heel kick after hair flick. The only thing that stopped them both was their stamina and a double front kick. As both of the woman threw up their heels and connected their soles together, using both of the pressure they were sent flying back. As they stood panting, the warm sun beating down added to the bullets of sweat emitting off them, slowly..*very slowly* they stalked towards each other but before Marilynn could make it any further, she collapse to her knees, pantjng heavily and struggling to walk and seeing this just gave the cheerleader a RUSH of enegery "See! I told ya un..You really were stupid to think about attacking my family~ Now to get back California Dream" She whispered, with her second wind, Joana brought it up to a run, bringing out Bad Reputation to end this quickly and effectivly..But something was wrong, Marilynn's arms were outstretched, *just like Joana's were when asking for a free hit* but the American wasn't backing down..This was for Jordan. As she edged closer and added in harsh and hard bursts of punches, Joana was living the dream, able to bring down a threat once again but this was strange..she was taking everything on and it wasnt until too late Joana noticed what she was doing, with a swift kick, Marilynn used the ability she stole, it felt as if a full speed train had just rammed right into the gut of the heroine. Grunting followed along with many pained noises when she shot back, only finding an end when her body connected to a loose pipe, piercing right from her back to the front. Joana's hands twitched, watching the blood spurt and drip down from her wound and lips, wide eyes focused on the figure of the woman "Well Joana, it seems you did get your ability back~ too bad i wasn't the one to die for it" Marilynn said with a sadistic tone, raising her finger to push againdt the slowly cooling, plush lips of the female "Don't worry though, I'll remind Jordan how much her mother pathetically cried as she bled out..How about i make it easier hmm?" She asked, raising her foot and with one swift kick, pushed her deep down, still keeping her alive in the process..somehow. Joana twitched once again "Y-Y-You won't beat her..Sh..she will ruin..y..you..YOU FREAK!" She yelled out, attempting to get on last hit in with her stand, just to have it dodged..The beauty queen walked over and placed a kiss onto her forehead, leaving the bright cherry lips on her..Marking her prey "Ta Ta Darling~ You were a wonderful competator~" Marilynn cooed, swaying her hips as she left. All it was..was hazy for the dying girl, slowly reaching on the pole to pull herself up, but it was just resulting in more pain, slowly she was giving up, tears bubbling out of her eyes "J-Jordan..I know..you are out..doing so-Something better..N-Not thinking of me..b-but..I love you..y-y-you are strong..Strong willed and physically strong..Y.y.You can beat this world..Get back at tho..tb...those who hold you back...." She was struggling to speak, just getting garglier and garglier with the blood rising in her throat, with a cough she let it out, hand untying the bow on her head, letting the clackers hit tigether as she rested..Well the best you can rest with a pole killing you. A smile formed on her lips, cracking any dried blood "Good..Luck..Jojo"..Her final words as her heart slowly came to a stop, the blood no longer pumping out the wounds..She was finally at rest, no more pain, no more hurt..She could watch over her daughter now..And know she will be safe. Joana Jett..No. Joana Joestar was now deceased.
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comradecrossing · 6 years
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hi do you have any tips/recs for someone who’s just starting new leaf? i had it a long time ago but i stopped playing, and now i want to start playing again but i don’t remember it well 🙈
Hi! This might be long but! When I restarted this last time I was worried it would get boring real fast like with my first save, so I planned out as much as I possibly could ahead of time.
Think of a theme that makes you happy! Do you love witchy/fairy things? A specific color? maybe a season? particular villager animal? Aliens??? If you can figure out a theme you can build around (and it can be ANYTHING) then you will have much more confidence when you first step foot in your new town!
Now I’m gonna use my town as reference, so, I really like the Witchy/Fairy aesthetic and I knew immediately thats what i was going to do. I’m bad at town names, but i like Pokemon and remembered they have a fairy town, so I looked it up and got my name and figured why stop there? That’s how Laverre City became one of my sole inspirations for my town. I was inspired to restart because of hackers so even though I cant hack, I think about things I might like to do, or really want to do when/if i ever can and i have some big ideas lol im so sad. So ultimately i settled on a fall themed town (not perpetual fall but looks best in fall and the dreamcode will be of the town in fall) with lots of pink cosmos and regular saplings to give off a resemblance to Laverre City :)I then looked at a lot of forest and dreamy type towns to get some inspiration like mushroom rings, layout ideas, and items or PWPs to use. I also checked sites like animal crossing wikia to make a list of PWPs I might like in my town and chose 30 possible options (you can only build 30) and check the space requirements.
Once I start for real with a vague idea of where I want to put things I look at all the maps available and if they don’t have specific traits i want (secret beach, desirable town tree location, diving cliff, ponds in places that wont get in the way of projects and landscaping ideas, good spot for the cafe, etc) I restart until a map comes up that I like. Once I arrive in town its time to check my native fruit and rock locations and make sure its up to my standards, and if a resident is important for you to have/not have make sure to check the map too!
Once you get a town you’re happy with and you’ve found the perfect place to call home its time to get serious >: |It’s time for your first shovel and axe.Now, I have always been anti-axe in previous games but this last save changed me. I got a hold of that first axe and chopped down every tree that wasn’t a southern cedar tree! (southern cedars are only possible at the start! If you plant them they’ll only grow in the North, thats the top half of your town.) Now your town will feel barren at first and this is the ugliest stage but also one of the funnest -imo- so lets open up your patterns and get started. Now that you have a blank canvas use your green & blue tiles to signify trees/bamboo and bushes, you can even redesign it and write “T” or “B” respectably and start laying them out. You can also use the Yellow to lay down where you want PWPs (make sure to surround two spaces further than the project requires. a 3x3 fountain should look more like a 5x5 area to ensure no one moves directly next to where you want to build). You should have lots of fruit piled up (remember to stack them) so you can layout bush tiles and plant fruit if you’d rather have a better idea of how its gonna look. I planted all my peaches and would later go back and replace certain ones with new fruit i acquired. Its good to have a “this is all a process” mindset because it will take a while to get your town done even if you time travel, but thats good! because the game is all about making your dream town!
So now you have a good amount of the town planned out and probably have some ideas of what to do next. The next few days will be spent checking out how things are growing and making sure you planted things in the right spots. if there’s anything you’re not liking - change it! Your town Your rules!
Now while you are waiting for things to grow and get pretty its time to gather aaaaaallllll the flowers you can find and organize them in a large free space so they are all diagonally touching (XXXX), this way you can get hybrids early on :)Make sure they are the same breed and check hybrid guides so you know which colors work best to make the hybrids you most want and make sure to water them everyday as they will wilt if you don’t have the beautiful ordinance. Hybrids are good to have for trades when you dont have much money.
After all this you should be off to a pretty good start. Try to keep in mind villagers you would like to have and try to make friends online or IRL that you can adopt from (I always post when i have some one leaving and who I am hoping to replace them with and I usually get an offer fairly quickly, even for villagers I was desperate to get out. No matter who they are someone likes them :)) But if your town is set up in a way that you’ll be devastated if your dreamie moves in that one perfectly made up spot, it might be a good idea to plot set &/ reset.Plot resetting is when you make a *NEW* character save to check and see if anyone moved in overnight, and more importantly, if they moved in an undesirable place. If this happens restart and select the new save option until the villager plots in a spot you like. Once they do that build your tent somewhere and save quit. This will make the new residents spot permanent and then you can select the new save once more and delete their home. This could take quite a while if you have lots of “open” space. “Open Space” is how I refer to non-tiled/pwp or house occupied areas and the way I go about this is covering my town in about 75% tiles and spacing out pwps to where there are as few places houses can plot in as possible. Houses wont build over tiles and will plot at least 2 spaces away from other buildings, rocks and projects and one away from clifs and ponds/rivers. They dont care however if there are trees, bamboo, items, bushes, or flowers so be sure to lay out tiles in any place at risk to being plotted on. I refer to this as “Plot Setting” as you can make 3x3 empty plots you surround with tiles which will help villagers know where to plot. If you do a good job and plot everything out just right, you’ll never have to worry about someone messing up your hard work.
Now here’s the kinda sucky part of ACNL and that is The Limitations.Annoying programmed rules that seem to only get in the way such as the 2-space rule between pwps/buildings. This can mess up your aesthetic a lot and sometimes you will have to completely replan things due to a small fact you may have overlooked or not noticed and suddenly your garden isnt looking right so im gonna name off the biggest hassles and how I have gotten around some of them.
Bush + tree + bush: You can line up 12 trees/bamboo and bushes in a line. This works both straight and diagonally. only 12. Now you can leave gaps in some places that will reset the count or do intricate designs like one cedar in the middle of 4 bushes, a line of bushes with trees spaced out directly behind, a pattern of bushes and chopped bamboo, etc get creative. Visiting others towns or looking at pics people post can help you get lots of ideas. Bushes can touch each other but trees & bamboo still have the one space between rule.
PWP 2-space rule: now I’ve already mentioned this a few times but this rule is always the one that I seem to forget when planning. YOU NEED TWO SPACES. I cant tell you how many times i have planned project locations weeks in advance only to not be able to lay them out as i wanted because I got the space requirement wrong or only left one space between other objects :/
Beach Rules: You may have seen cool towns with pwps, cedar trees and hibiscus bushes scattered around their beach and Ive got some bad news; Those are hacked towns. The only thing that can be planted on the beach naturally is coconut and banana trees, flowers, and clovers. Nothing grows on the beach, not even weeds. No pwps can be built there either, even though it was initially programmed to be possible. I currently use the space for hybrid breeding since i have no space to elsewhere ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Tear Down and Build Up: I will say though that even though only maybe 15% of my original plans came to life, my town looks way better than i had ever imagined it would. Don’t be afraid to tear things down and try out different locations or setups you might figure something out that looks amazing compared to your original plans.
Finally, while you can participate in the Happy Home Ratings, you dont have too. Decorate how ever the flip you want. Find new things to do everyday as the game can get old fast and you might get temped to Timetravel (which isnt a bad thing if thats what you want to do, but be careful you dont lose your villagers/flowers! Even though I have the Beautiful ordinance, I water all my flowers incase they pop out a hybrid. I try to earn all the badges, I visit dreamtowns for inspiration, redesign areas of my town, farm PWPs, make patterns, try hunting down items to decorate my house with, etc, this is another area where having a theme can help as you will find inspiration easier, and make you feel more immersed like you’re playing an RPG.
I’ve gone on a lot here and I have more to add but I’ve spent over an hour typing this, but let me know if you have any other questions or need clarification on anything :) I’m not gonna add pics rn but if you need photo reference send another message and I will address it separately and add it here later.
Now heres a bunch of links to help you get invested:MoriBD - A catalog of every in-game item and an option to make a wishlistHybrid Guide - By @nooklingPWP GuideVillager Adoption Further Info on Plot ResettingPWP Farming Towns/interiors I found inspirationalSome QRsHacking info (if youre interested)How to upload your screenshots & Make your screenshot pretty!
Pick the right face when you startOnce you get the QR reader (talk to sable 7 days) you can use these
Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help :)Just putting it out there too, I am always happy to help people get whatever they want/need for no cost whether it be fruits, bamboo, mushrooms, items, hybrids, etc, I will always do what I can to help you out, whether you’re just starting or on your 5th year.
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cow3survivor · 3 years
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Ep. 9: “Break Down Everything I’ve Built” - Jennet
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JENNET
not to be rude but i hate this cast.... me winning immunity didnt even matter bc my bestie got booted tf...
(a little later)
feeling alone, im not even on a tribe anymore. im alone now not furcifer calumma or brookesia, just jennet
(after eating rice)
i know i sound dramatic asf but ffft i was so uneasy starting this game and i didnt feel comfortable or didnt feel excited to play until i started playing with ethan so i guess i relied too much on him but its like... now what?? where do i go from here? like sam, sammy, jones, and mikey voted to keep him so its like... here i am with low numbers again
(after taking a dip in the ocean)
immunity doesnt feel so good when ur number one ally gets sent home...
(after polishing the immunity necklace)
realizing that tonight ive been on the wrong side of both of votes so now im... reevaluating my position in this game. i have to break down everything ive built and start over and see who i can really trust right now
JONES
https://youtu.be/GY0DufoCyLE (after live night)
LOVELIS
So today's been way more eventful! I've had a great conversation with Jennet finally & got caught up on all the live night stuff, thought it was just a live competition that I wasn't able to attend but then I woke up to Ethan being gone LMAO but oh well! I've been targeted the past two rounds but I'm still here so I've just gotta work my options as best I can, and right now I do wanna with with Jessica the most. Apparently Shane put in a lot of work to keep me during live night & I'm thankful but earlier when I tried to talk to him he wouldn't divert from that point & it was a little awkward.. like idk what you want me to do about that... so today's mostly been catching up with the people who I haven't heard much from like Jake, Lindsay etc and seeing where their heads are at, I need to be more involved in something big if I'm gonna be seen as a potential winner should I make it to the end so I'm definitely not shy of jumping ship from Sharon and tryna make something better for myself with the people that voted for me hehe.. 😳😈
JENNET
looking at the memory wall and im feeling very: vulnerable
LINDSAY
12/19 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Q_KxHilwOebD8G3D8JAZsOMKdgsxFp-b/view?usp=sharing
JESSICA
I know in my last confessional I said I was close with Ethan. After I wrote that, I realized that he was a lot closer with other people than he was with me. Lindsay accidentally added him to an alliance chat and I expected him to freak out in my DMs (or at the very least ask me about it!) since we're supposed to be such good allies. But he didn't say anything! Shane said that he did get an Ethan freakout so I was like hmm... noted. Ethan likes Shane more than me so I am okay to vote him out a lot earlier than I was planning. Ethan also left out a LOT of information about the idols when we talked about them so I instantly knew at merge that he was hiding things from me. When we did that round robin conversation thing, I got Shane early on (I think he was the third person I talked to?) and he pitched voting Ethan which made a lot of sense to me. Plus I was a little worried Ethan could have had the Furcifer idol since he found that Brookesia one so fast. I figured if we were going to make a big move, that was the time to do it because if anyone was suspicious I could just pretend the whirlwind nature of the round was the reason they didn't know what happened. Speaking of idols!!! I'm 95% sure that Furcifer idol is in Sam's pocket. Shane had a vote extort power which he could play on anyone; it would force them to either reveal their entire voting history to this mysterious person OR they would have to give up their vote and sit out of immunity. I guess the vote part isn't public but the immunity part was and for some reason, Sam chose to not reveal his voting history. To Shane and Daisy, who don't know how the idols worked, this is a weird choice. But to me there's only one reason someone doesn't want their voting history revealed and it's because they didn't vote at a tribal which means they have an idol. Shane originally wanted to play the power on Mikey which I strongly did not want because 1) I already know how Mikey has voted and 2) I was pretty sure Mikey didn't have an idol so it's unlikely there was a tribal he didn't vote in and 3) If Mikey asked me about it, I didn't want to lie but I also didn't want to expose Shane. The question is.... does Sam's idol still work? If I had found the idol when I knew there was an easy boot on my team (he has to have found it before Pennino left), then I would have gambled as long as I could have to get the idol to work. My guess is Sam's idol goes until... f7? Maybe f6 or f5. Pennino probably left 3-1, not 4-1, but Sam's missing vote didn't matter because it was unanimous and wasn't read. For this round, right now everyone is probably voting Lovelis. It's the easy vote because he isn't here but personally I don't want to do that. Everyone says Lovelis is inactive but he isn't inactive to me and as far as I know, he is not going to flip on me and thinks I've been looking out for him. Which I have been! Also Lovelis cannot have an idol unless he somehow got the merge one. So to me it's like.... why not take out someone like Sam who (probably) has an idol? Or at least get him paranoid enough so he plays it. He seems like the kind of player who could easily stab me in the back so I'd like to get him before he gets me. Right now my tightest alliance is with Shane/Daisy, though I definitely talk about the game with Shane the most. However I also have good relationships with Lovelis, Sammy, and Mikey. I think Jennet and I are getting along well because as far as I know, I was the first one who told them Ethan's name was going around last time when everyone else seemed too afraid to tell them. They were not into that plan at all but I'm glad that I was honest with them because I don't want that to be a closed relationship at all! They also don’t seem to have a tonne of connections so they’re someone I'd like to keep close. And then Jones/Lindsay/Jake are people who I'm still getting to know but I do trust them.... a bit. I don't see that alliance of 6 lasting long term however I don't mind trying to stick with it to get Sam out before it disintegrates. I also think Shane is coming across as a threat which is great to me. I hope people don't think we're close because I really want to keep that relationship hidden. My entire game is about having everyone think they're my #1 (or at least my #2 or #3) so that they are less likely to leak things I tell them, less likely to vote for me, and more likely to look out for me. Information is power so I try to be in a position where I'll get as much of it as I can. So far it is working! I think. This is truly an essay
(a little later)
Oh also I never get episode titles in games so here are some: "Any way you slice it, it's Survivor madness!" "What a night, what a vote" "Please don't invite me to your messy party" "Social game is on 0!" "Survivor brings out the worst in you" "I'm a chameleon" Some of those are things other people said in other games but... oh well!
JENNET
apparently lovelis is rallying the troops to get them to vote for me bc i voted him out over madison... babe we NEVER spoke, and i spoke to madison ALOT why would i not vote u ? tf... its getting weird
JESSICA
LMAO IGNORE THAT LAST CONFESSIONAL That is not how the advantage works at ALL I now totally understand why Sam rejected it That’s so funny that we really read it that wrong.............. I love reading and comprehending the words that I read Still don’t know where that last idol is but this is so funny.
JENNET
so right now the only people i can trust are sammy, sam, jones, and mikey. i want to trust jake but hes in an alliance with jones, lindsay, daisy, shane, and jessica that he didnt tell me about. jones is playing double agent right now and the only reason i dont find that sketch is bc she told us info that she didnt need to. i will say me and jake had a convo about how we dont trust how shady lindsay has been and we wont target her until most of the og brookesia members are gone. im very scared right now but also very angry
(a little later)
had plans for this vote but sam got his vote taken away. im waiting to see what pops off at tribal/ the few hours before tribal before i can try to get the little band of misfits to settle on who to target first. so far its daisy and shane, i’ll try to sneak lindsay in but honestly i want daisy gone first bc shes hosted me and seen how i play and thats too much of an advantage. she’s dangerous to me and my game
JAKE
https://youtu.be/nZPMXTthz9Q yes I'm becoming paranoid and what?? say it to her face
JENNET
my dream boot order after this round (if lovelis is who goes): daisy shane jessica lindsay and then everything else can fold around itself but ideally jake is next to go
LINDSAY
videos r still uploading but here's my quick tea for this episode: feels way too easy to vote lovelis, keep expecting things to blwo up bc lovelis is throwing jennet's name out there. game way too quiet. shit aint right but i aint know whats wrong. i may be paranoid
JENNET
:ETHAN: ❤️ :JENNET: hours
SAMMY
so I feel like so much happened in this round? let's recap the live night and dive into our thoughts and feelings about where we are right now. So starting off after Madison is voted out, the plan throughout the day was to just vote out whoever stayed out of Madison/Lovelis, right? Okay so I go into this live event thinking that's the plan...not sweating...just chilling right? right okay so I get to talking to people and then I get in a chat with daisy who is my 3rd phone call? Then I hear of this plan to get rid of Ethan?? In my head I was like...blinks...okay so why are we doing this like what is the point y'all are being too complicated. So fast forward Ethan goes home. Then Jones lets me know there was a separate group made before tribal of Jake/Shane/Jones/Jess/Lindsay. Apparently all the people who voted Ethan? This actually pisses me off not gonna lie because I opened the door for a conversation hinting that I knew of a group to daisy/jess/Jake and none of them spilled to me. So I caught them in a lie and it lets me know that they are serious about that group of people and that alliance means something. I thought I was close to daisy and I thought she considered me her #1 ally but the info I have been getting really makes me trust her less. She was working on the idol/bridge with like so many other players which makes sense to how she was able to find so many powers. I feel used. She is close to Shane and it is obvious. I also 100% feel as if the Ethan plan was made before tribal or at least mentioned as an idea. I don't like the vibes I am getting from them and something has to change soon or I am gonna be finding myself in a rough patch. I told Jones about Daisy's powers to let Jones know that Daisy pretty much lied to Daisy about the street car ladies (sorry daisy I still love u but in the moment I felt used because I know ur bridge group is on like the late 30s and you didn't tell me). Daisy is playing the middle and I need to separate myself from her or at least break her and Shane up. She is using Shane as a shield. Also I was added to the justice league alliance and its so cute (Jones, Jennet, Mikey, Me, Sam) I love this group but I will say Sam is my weakest connection and I don't really have much trust in him? Hoping that will change in these upcoming rounds tho. Also, I told Jones about my vote block that lasts until final 5 which we could use to our advantage later in the game. I will be holding onto that as long as possible. The last major update other than me feeling somewhat left out of this "group" would be that Jess asked if I would be down to make a group after the vote of her/Jake/me/mikey which I would actually very much enjoy. Okay that is my longest confessional yet. I hope you enjoy. As of right now my top two allies are Jones/Mikey....Lowest on my trust rankings are Shane and Lindsay.
JENNET
lovelis dming me saying we should get out mikey pfftttt
DAISY
https://youtu.be/mz2Fg_Kvyqo
SAM
https://youtu.be/J81hUWIy6dg
SHANE
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-dymdy5vjtHdwsY3JSTnovwaSRLvuzQt
JESSICA
me: lovelis will be a jury vote for me! me: nvm!!!! Not sure why being rude to people and attacking them is your strategy on the way out... but you do you!
LOVELIS
I think I mentioned chaos in my previous confessional and I think I just did that so you know what.. I'm content LMAO. I pulled out pretty much all the cards I had left to play this round and if it wasn't enough despite being carried the past two tribals.. then so be it. This has been such a fun past couple days and it's fun to just let loose and see what happens!
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