push & pull (final) }} choi san (m)
chapter nine ♡ previous chapter ♡ series masterlist
❥ pairing: choi san x reader
❥ word count: 17.2k
❥ warning: half-assed smut, minors dni, nothing I can think of for now but do lmk
❥ a/n: i like, majorly fucked up regarding the school system in korea so the timeline is also kind of fucked but bear with me. i will be leaving the corny ending author's note at the bottom :) ty <3
“What should we watch?” Yeji hums, amid skipping the selections displayed because nothing looks interesting.
Ryujin delivers a quick glance, taking in the expression of the girl next to her; serious and completely focus, before she snatches the remote away and navigates to Youtube.
“Hey!” Yeji screech, jaws clenching.
“Let’s watch Train to Busan.”
Both you and Yeji blows raspberry at such suggestion.
“How many times have we watched that, exactly? Like–”
“–Fifteen,” Yeji cuts, “Fifteen freaking times, and still in counting.”
“Oh come on. You guys love Train to Busan!” The girl squashed in between you and Yeji, hops glances from one side to another.
“We do. But not when we watch it every single freaking time during movie night.” Yeji crosses her arms. “It’s like… so predictable at this point.”
Ryujin snickers at the comment. “Only took fifteen times for you to know the entire storyline…” She jokes, but cowers back in when the older girl replies with daggers in her eyes.
“Okay anyways!” She tries again. “Just one more. Besides, this is probably going to be the last time we’re going to get to watch it with Y/n.”
You scoff. “I’m only moving two hours away, I’m not leaving the country.”
The duo laughs, and Yeji takes the chance to steal the remote back when she sees Ryujin’s clearly distracted.
“Don’t forget about us, and don’t let the bigger city lights get inside your head,” Ryujin pokes fun.
“Pfft.” You roll your eyes. “I’m the most basic bitch you’ll ever meet. So, you don’t have to worry about that.”
At this point, they practically know everything about how your time in Seoul went; everything from the beginning to the end.
It’s a tale they often liked to ask about during the earlier days of the friendship, and sometimes even now, they still do.
At first, you only told them the very surface-level stuff, like how you moved to Seoul because you got accepted to a University, and also because your cousin lives there. You talked about the places you saw while in the city: Lotte World, the N Seoul Tower, the drastic nightlife there–places and things you wouldn’t see in Daejeon.
You talked about the people you met through your cousin, mainly Seonghwa who was very sweet upon the first meeting and was basically your guide to the city; you spoke about the other boys, the girlies, and more about your cousin.
But then, it just didn’t make any sense. And at the time, you hated how two people who you’ve only known for a year, was already able to see through you–that you were leaving out details and wasn’t being completely transparent.
Because though you weren’t lying, you were omitting significant information. And the couple read you like their favorite book.
Because why? If it was really going as well as you had described; endless places to explore, good people, and an overall decent-sounding experience, then why did you felt the need to move back?
And that was when you told them about San. You wish you could’ve recorded their reactions. Because though they knew you were altering the details, their guesses on exactly why were way off.
“Oh shit, I thought it was probably because you got kicked out of your University or something,” Yeji said, earning a chuckle from you.
“Nahh. Y/n’s pretty smart. My guess was that she probably did some really fucked up shit.” Ryujin shrugged.
“Pfft,” Yeji scoffed. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. She can be pretty feisty when someone gets on her bad side, just saying.”
Because they just didn’t expect it’d be over a boy.
You were never particularly loud about them before San, and you pretty much returned to that way after.
Ryujin even assumed you were asexual at one point.
“Girl, really? A boy? You’re going to run away from everything because of one single boy?” Ryujin folded her arms as she peered you down.
But it wasn’t just any boy.
“Maybe it was a special boy, you don’t know that. She could’ve really liked him,” Yeji spoke up.
And Yeji was right. It was indeed a very special boy. And you also indeed liked him very much. Loved even, if you’re strong enough to come to terms with that fact.
“Okay okay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. But… this boy we’re talking about, did he break your heart?”
You shook your head.
You didn’t really think anyone broke anyone’s heart, or that fingers were to be pointed at. The timing, the people you two were becoming, the circumstances–it just… wasn’t right anymore.
“Sorry to hear…” Yeji mumbled with a concerned look on her face, followed by Ryujin’s, it made you felt bad they had to listen to stories of your failed of a love life.
Yeji proceeded, “I know it still hurts, but one day… it won’t anymore. Trust me, there’s still a whole world for you here, too.” She smiled.
And if there’s one thing anyone needs to know about Yeji, is that she’s right most of the time.
It’s been two years and it doesn’t hurt anymore. At least not as bad as it used to. The thoughts of him no longer drives out the vile tears that you would always try so badly to hold back, and the memories of what used to be no longer burns a hole so painful as it settled inside your chest.
You still think about him sometimes–it’s only natural you would. Think about what he’s probably doing, how he’s doing. What has changed about him from the last couple of years; lots of questions, and you never having enough courage to find out for yourself. But mainly because, it’s for the better.
You believe you’re mostly over him by now, but after all, he was still your first and only love. That meaning, he’s seen and took a part of you that no one else would be able to. And you did the same for him.
No amount of hatred, distance, or denial can erase that mere fact: that you guys were each other’s first everything, and is someone special for the other person.
Yeji and Ryujin used to dip around the topic of San like a minefield, but another year later and you’ve gotten pretty comfortable or at least okay enough for him to be mentioned without feeling like you’re going to throw up.
“It’s kind of funny, isn’t it? You’re from here but you moved to Seoul, then you moved back, and now you’re moving there again,” Yeji brings up.
You pause and have to actually wrap your head around said statement, because it is kind of funny… that you’re moving back to Seoul after finally finishing your degree.
It wasn’t your intention initially to go back–knowing the you a year ago would’ve avoided the place like the plague, but the job that had accepted you is located there, and it would be stupid of you as a new undergrad to not take the offer of a company that is willing to give someone inexperienced like you, a chance.
And it would be especially stupid to not take it just because your ex-boyfriend from two years ago, is living there.
For the most part, you have in fact found a world for you here; in the comfort of Yeji and Ryujin who you never would have guessed you would become best friends with.
You had met Yeji at the start of your first semester after transferring. She was in the same major and very alike you, always choosing to sit at the back and rarely ever spoke. And so, a chemistry happened there. Two, very quiet and introverted people who learned to depend on one another throughout the course of the class.
She later introduced you to Ryujin, her girlfriend. And everything after that is history.
Ryujin is a lot more sociable in comparison to you and Yeji, but put her in a group of other more talkative individuals, and you’re not going to hear a thing from her.
That’s what makes all of you so compatible together.
Nobody has the want to go to the party they’re invited to, or the urge for a nightout of heavy drinking, or join some clubs that probably has a couple other students.
Everyone is okay with just staying in, studying together, watching a movie, ordering take-outs, playing some silly games, and just chilling with one another without the need of anything too over-the-top.
Of course, as a couple, they would need some times of their own as well. So you try to not be too suffocating. After all, you also need some downtime to yourself. You love the two, but you’ll probably go crazy if you have to be with them all the time.
After coming back to your hometown, you had signed up for the dormitory. Any levelheaded student would probably choose to stay back with their parents just to save a couple bucks for the semester, but not you.
Though it would be nice to have some additional spending–after living by yourself for two years in Seoul, you just couldn’t envision yourself going back to your parents.
It wasn’t that you were ashamed (maybe you are a little) your time in the big city evolved to absolutely nothing; it was that you wanted to just be by yourself. Take the time to figure everything out, but for the most part, just needing some distance from everyone for a while.
Your parents were very understanding of that. They’ve been a young adult once, they would know how it is to be at that period of your life where everything still seems like such a blur and one tiny mistake feels like the end of the world.
They would never shame you for discovering that maybe Seoul isn’t for you after all.
And you don’t think it’s for you either. It’s just kind of funny that after running away from it, it just comes right back to haunt you at your doorsteps. Almost like the bigger lights is the one chasing you instead.
“Yeah. Funny,” You reply, a silent giggle following.
“Who knows.” Ryujin shrugs. “Maybe this time, it’ll be different. Maybe Prince Charming will really swoop you by the feet and you won’t even see it coming.”
You chuckle and let your head fall back onto the cushion of the couch.
“Yeah right. Call me back in two years for an update.”
“I will keep a reminder.”
Yeji giggles at the interaction before shifting the subject.
“So, anyone coming to your graduation tomorrow?” She asks.
You nod. “My parents and brother, as far as I know.”
Your parents were ecstatic when you told them. They drew banners and hung it up on the front porch for everyone and their mothers to see. You’re their first born and the first to graduate, so they carry it around like a badge of honor.
You only found out they did such thing because your brother took pictures and delivered them shortly after, in hope of you getting embarrassed about it, but you actually weren’t.
You were just very happy, and even moved at how supportive they were.
The next day is hectic; getting up earlier than usual in preparation for graduation–going over to Yeji’s and Ryujin’s apartment to do your hair and makeup, then putting on your cap and gown to head over to the ceremony with Yeji.
Ryujin’s the youngest of you three, so she won’t be graduating for another year, but she’s happy to play support while her girlfriend and friend walk the stage.
Everything goes by almost like the snap of a finger; time flying through the clock. You vividly recall the image of many flashy lights from the mob of cameras; shouts and screams from all corners of the room, you wouldn’t even know if your name had been cheered by your family or not.
But you did hear your name being called by the presenter, followed by Yeji’s a little shortly after. And now you’re off the stage and walking toward your parents as they push pass crowds of other people who’s probably looking for their kids as well.
You land right in the embrace of your mom’s smothering hug before prying off to look into her proud eyes, but your attention is quickly stolen away when you see a sight behind her that makes your jaw drops to the floor.
“Congratulations!” Wooyoung announces with a bouquet in his hand, and following right behind him… the rest of the group.
“Congrats, Y/n!” Christina cheers excitedly, heels stomping over to you and resting the flower necklace over your head until it slips down to your collarbones and stops there. “I made it myself.”
You can only stare at her in awe. It’s been two years and her hair has grown a little, and something about her makeup has changed. She’s in a nude ruffle dress that goes down to her knees and does a good job of accentuating her figure.
“T-Thanks…” You mumble, barely audible. You wonder if she can even hear you, but Wooyoung’s quick to shoot himself into the scene.
“Here.” He hands you the bouquet of light pink roses, and the scent from it brushes past your nose.
Wooyoung notices the dejection in your posture and tone, going on to comment, “What? Not happy to see us here?” Only lightheartedly, of course.
You shake your head. “No… it’s just…” Your gaze wandering from him, to Christina, then Seonghwa, and to the right of him: Hongjoong. Then standing behind him: Jongho and Hana.
It’s just that you didn’t even show up to any of their graduations. Not even your own cousin. And hell, Jongho’s and Hana’s ceremony probably took place the day before and you didn’t even go… yet they’re here at yours.
You feel undeserving.
“You guys didn’t have to come… I-I didn’t even come to any of yours…” You can barely even look the group in the eyes. More specifically, you don’t know who to look at.
“Pfft, yeah. Don’t worry. Your mom practically begged us to show,” Wooyoung blurts.
You grimace and turn to your mom. “Mom…?”
“Tskk!” Hongjoong speaks up. “He’s bullshitting.”
Seonghwa jumps in, “Yeah. We heard your mom speaking to Wooyoung over the phone and we all wanted to come. You’re as much of a friend to us as we are to each other. Don’t forget about it.” He gives you a warming smile.
God, why the fuck are they all so nice.
Wooyoung rolls his eyes.
“Yeah yeah. What they said. Now stop sulking, angry bird. It’s your special day. Smile a little, and let’s get some pictures taken!” He starts huddling everyone together as they all eventually settle besides you while your dad pulls out the big camera.
The nickname makes your breath catches inside your throat for a second and you feel a wave of nostalgia come over; your eyes searching from one side to another, but when the last person of the group disappears from the viewing to the side of you to pose, you realize there is no more of them.
You shake the thought off to force a smile upon your face for the picture.
Wooyoung had given you your Aunt’s and Uncle’s blessing in place of them since they weren’t able to make it, and you’ve introduced Yeji and Ryujin to the rest of the group.
So far, everyone seems to love one another much to your relief, because you didn’t want to have to separate old friends from the new ones.
“We obviously have two butts since we have two legs, ain’t it?” Yeji theorize.
You all have decided to go out to a nearby restaurant after the ceremony in celebrations of not just you graduating, but all of you. With the exception of poor Ryujin who still has another year to go, unfortunately.
Your parents had left hours ago, leaving you youngsters by yourself, and currently, the topic of discussion is a debate between whether the human body has one or two butts.
“So you’re saying if we put three people together, then in total, they have six butts?” Yeosang raises an eyebrow.
Jongho butts in (pun intended im sorry), “Yeah… I mean, we have one pair of pants and two leggings, but in the end it’s still only just one pair.”
“But don’t we have two buttocks?” Ryujin questions.
“One butt two butt cheeks,” Yunho answers.
Wooyoung shakes his head, going in with his own take, “Okay look, a butt is a whole package containing of 2 butt cheeks and one anus.”
Mingi’s face twist in confusion. “So what, we have 3 butts now?”
“No, dumbass. I’m saying the whole package counts as one, therefore we have one freaking butt!”
You laugh at the ridiculous banter, brushing it off and going back to the prior conversation you were having with Christina and Jisoo who’s seated across from you.
“So, you’re really returning to Seoul?” Christina asks.
You nod. “Yeah… I don’t have much of a choice, considering I still need to work on my portfolio and the company is willing to take me in so I can start building it. The others I applied for has some big requirements.”
“Interior Designing, right?” Jisoo quirks up.
“Hey.” She nudges Christina. “Joong and her are moving into their own place soon. Maybe you can help them get a footing in. You know… help out a bit, suggest some ideas?” She smirks.
“Oh right!” Christina’s face lights up. “That would be helpful. And if it goes well, you can slap it on your portfolio. Sounds good?” The two giggles, and it’s contagious enough that you start doing it, too.
“I guess. Thanks guys.”
“Of course,” Christina assures.
You just can’t help but to ask though.
“So, Hongjoong’s moving out of the guys’ place?” You try lowering the volume since said person is only a couple bodies away.
Jisoo nods in response.
“Yup. Haven’t you heard?” She leans in, a sly look crossing her features, before whispering, “They’re engaged.”
Your mouth falls into an ‘O’ shape at the newfound information.
“Woah…” is all you can say. And funnily, you happen to glance down, immediately locking gaze with the ring around Christina’s finger. You should’ve figured.
“I know, right?” Jisoo crosses her arms and relaxes on the chair. “They’re in love or whatever.”
“Please…” Christina clicks her tongue. “Speak for yourself. Took you and Yunho long enough to get together when we all knew damn well y'all had a thing for one another.”
“Oh, shut up.” Jisoo playfully pushes Christina by the shoulder.
You would laugh along with them, but you’re really more taken back by another revelation yet again.
Jisoo and Yunho… finally got together. Woah. The last time you saw them, they were still only pining for one another but nothing was really official. Took some time there, but you’re glad they’re finally a thing. You have always rooted for them.
“Congrats,” You tell her, a heartfelt smile tugging at the corners of your lips.
“Thanks,” She mutters back a bit shy, you can’t help but to giggle a little at a flustered Jisoo.
“And guess what?” Christina’s the one to slouch over this time, whispering against your ear. “They’re not the only new couple around the block. Check that out.” She points with her chin to another direction and you immediately follow.
Seonghwa and Yejin. Chatting with one another through the mouthful, but Yejin continuing to pick up her chopsticks to grab a piece of meat to feed the boy next to her.
A warming, sincere smile coats Seonghwa’s face, and a gleam in his eyes you don’t think you’ve ever seen on him before.
“No way,” You mumble, head shooting back to the two in front of you.
“Yes way,” Christina replies.
Jisoo nods. “So many things have happened since you were gone, Y/n. So many.”
Her words causing you to scan the surrounding, taking in the chitters and laughter pouring from the table. Your gaze hops from one person to another, and though they’re all the same people from before; always welcoming and kind-hearted, staying true to their core, so many things have also changed.
There’s something a little different about each and every one of them. You can’t seem to pinpoint what is. If it’s their looks, their styles, the way they present themselves. But something is definitely not the same.
“Yeah, and… Joong actually isn’t the only one that’s moving out. All the guys are. At the end of the year,” Christina reveals.
And you soon come to the conclusion that maybe though their looks, styles, and even how they present themselves has altered slightly, it’s the realization that all your lives are moving.
Yours and theirs.
You’re all no longer in the timeline you guys were four years ago, or even two years ago. Now spreading all your wings and diving into the real world, it’s kind of a scary, yet fascinating thought.
Seeing the transformation of the reappearances of those around you, you wonder how much he has changed. If his life, too, is moving. And if he has also found a special someone, yet. But you don’t allow yourself to dwell too much on it.
Yeji and Ryujin walks you back to the dorm after bidding goodbye to the rest of 'em. The departure wasn’t too dramatic, since they know that within a week, you’ll be in Seoul anyways. They’re ecstatic to have you back and wishes you well until then.
You haven’t even started packing yet, but you plan to spend the entire day tomorrow doing exactly that, just so you’ll have some times to be at your parents for the remaining days before really leaving for Seoul.
Wooyoung had promised he’ll come back to help you, but you don’t have a lot of faith regarding Wooyoung and promises.
“That was a lot of fun,” Ryujin comments, upon reaching the door of your room.
“Agree. She’s definitely going to forget about us with them occupying her over there,” Yeji teases.
You finally got the door to unlock after fiddling with the key, head turning to her.
“I won’t. I’ll definitely visit you guys every chance I get. And same goes for y'all. Don’t forget to come and visit me,” You say, one hand on the knob.
“Don’t have to tell me twice. I’m running to Seoul,” Ryujin pitch in, earning chuckles from you and Yeji.
“Oh, I almost forgot!” Yeji ups her volume, pulling something out of the back pocket of her pants. “Hyunjin wanted me to give you this. I believe he was looking for you at the ceremony but got lost in the sea of people.”
It’s a small note in white, but the material looks seemingly thick.
“Hyunjin?” You repeat for confirmation, and Yeji nods in return.
Hwang Hyunjin. He also shared the same major as you and Yeji, and it’s been more than a few coincidences that you ended up in the same classes as him. A couple times, to say the least.
He’s a sweetheart from the many past interactions–which all may or may not had been initiated by him only.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with him. It’s just you who particularly isn’t interested.
On the note, is his number, written clear and bold in very vivid black ink.
“I think he has a crush on you.” Yeji giggles, follow by Ryujin’s singsong tune of “Oooooh”.
You really don’t want to do it. You were supposed to be packing your belongings, boxing them away, and throwing out unnecessities laying in the dorm, but there’s been a change of plan.
Before you could really even say goodnight to the two, Ryujin had caught a sighting with her enhanced vision: a small message written at the back of the note Hyunjin had given you.
He’s asking you out to a date. And if you want to give it a go, for you to call or text the number back to arrange for a time.
Kind of old school, but you suppose it leaves quite an impression.
Like you said, initially, you were just going to not respond. Potential suitors, relationships, partners… it’s just not your priority right now.
You’re going to be moving to another city, you’re going to start a new job and open another chapter of your life. It would be foolish to begin some kind of sparks with someone who isn’t walking on the same road. That’s just a recipe for disaster.
But after lots and lots of pestering phone calls, and many, many attempts to convince you, you eventually gave in.
Spoken in true Yeji and Ryujin logic: It was your last year in college and you’re going to be leaving soon anyways, so why not give it a chance? If it doesn’t work out, you don’t exactly lose anything from it. And if it does, then consider the universe on your side. You can only gain from the situation.
And fuck, you don’t even like Hyunjin like that, but the last time you were on a date was when you had an actual boyfriend and that was so long ago, that when you walk into the restaurant he had made a reservation for, and you spot him from the distance, your limbs start feeling a little tingly and your breathing begins to drag.
He’s very understanding though. Of course you would be nervous. You were always so shy and often liked to stick by yourself, Hyunjin is honestly surprise you even agreed to come in the first place. He’s grateful you showed at all.
You two talk and reminisce regarding past classes you shared together, give your thoughts about the professors, and go on to discuss about what the both of you will be doing after getting out.
Unlike you, Hyunjin has dipped his foot in the field and has internships and an acceptable portfolio to back him up, so he’s starting on a decent salary; a job in the comfort of Daejeon.
He’s always been one of the top students and a very focused one at that, so it’s only expected.
You continue to converse with him–the clock ticking by until an hour has already passed, and then two, and suddenly it feels like you’ve lost track of time.
But, you learn that Hwang Hyunjin is a lot more likeable than he had let on.
When you talk, he listens to you like you’re the only person in the world. He digests each and all of your words and tries his very best to give every single one a comment, based on his thoughts and perception of it.
He doesn’t disrupt you, doesn’t take a bite out of his plate until you’re the first to do so, and when he sees a chunk of food sticking to the side of your mouth, he only respectfully wipes it with his napkin until he’s gesturing another smile.
Not even including his obviously good looks and crazy proportions, Hyunjin is exactly the kind of guy that you would’ve fell for a couple years ago. Just the type that would have you weak in the knees, summoning butterflies to your stomach until you’re flushed in the face.
It’s been so long though, ever since you felt that way. It could be that time’s moving and maybe your body reacts differently to someone you like now. Or at least someone you feel like you should like; given that he’s so sweet and almost perfect, you think anyone would be lucky to have him.
But, it begins to feel a bit unnatural. Like you’re trying to convince yourself that because he’s so sweet and almost perfect, he deserves a chance. But you really just can’t see anything in Hyunjin potentially or romantically. And even you have a hard time accepting it, considering you were very skeptical in the first place.
Because the only time you knew how love felt like, or at least how it was supposed to feel, was when you were with San.
It’s so fucked up, you know; to compare. But it was the only time you were sure you liked someone… and you knew right the instant you saw San.
And with Hyunjin… god, he’s wonderful, but you already have a feeling this is going to be your last date with him.
You get back to the dorm around 9 pm. Hyunjin had suggested he walk you back but you really didn’t want to bother him. Probably because a part of you felt guilty knowing that after tonight, you don’t plan on seeing him again. And you think he pretty much picked it up from your body language.
He referred to you as a 'friend’ throughout the rest of the night, thanked you for coming to the date, and wished you well on your future endeavors.
You feel horrible for having given him a ray of hope, but there’s plenty of girls out there that are way more interesting than you, and you’re sure Hyunjin won’t have a hard time finding them at all.
The hallways were chilly, but your room is humid, you have the need to take your dress off immediately and change into a pair of shorts and tank top.
The dress barely makes it over your head, leaving your naked body in only your bra and some safety shorts, when there’s suddenly a knock at the door.
You don’t even second guess or think twice about who it could be. Unless you’ve done something that is worthy of a complaint and your next door neighbor is here to tell you off, no one ever showed up at this hour except for Yeji and Ryujin.
“Coming!” You shout into the void, making your way over.
You don’t bother to put on a shirt or at least some kind of cover, because the two has seen your boobs more times than you can count on two hands.
The thought of it possibly being anyone else not even crossing your mind.
“Hey–” It’s then, that your heart stops and you feel like you forgot how to breathe.
The person standing outside your door: tall, manly, and neither is Yeji or Ryujin, has you frozen in place. As if your feet are glued to the floor and someone’s got their hold around your neck.
The only following course of action your brain knows how to do in the limited sea of options, is to shut the door.
Close it and mentally stand in your position for who knows how long, to really process everything; make sure you’re not hallucinating and seeing things.
Maybe it was something you ate while at the restaurant, or maybe it was the drink. Or it could also be that you didn’t get enough sleep.
Because what the fuck is San doing here? Why the fuck is he outside your dorm at this hour? What business does he have, and why the hell is he in Daejeon?
San. Choi San. Your boyfriend from two years ago. Your first love, and the only person you’ve ever really loved.
And to make matters worse… if that’s really him, he just saw you with your tits almost hanging out.
But you’re seeing shit, you know you are.
You don’t risk it though; grabbing one of the longer shirt that goes down to your knees and throwing it on before you try this for a second time.
Because when you open that door, you will find that you were just having an illusion and it’s really just Yeji and Ryujin wanting to hang around and get the details about the date with Hyunjin.
But fuck, your eyes doesn’t lie and it’s really him. Choi San just standing in the hallway of your dormitory in all skins and bones with his hands buried inside the pockets of his pants, peering down at you with that nostalgic look in his eyes that makes you feel like you’re nineteen all over again. When you were a newly arrived in Seoul and got your heart stolen by a certain dimpled boy with the shiniest pink hair and the loveliest smile.
The last time you saw him, his hair was still a golden blonde that brings an extra glow to his features, but it’s been two years and you'd be more surprised if he actually kept the color.
Now back to slicked black hair that’s looking a little more polished than what you’re used to, ears now pierced, and one eyebrow with a slit…oh god, oh fuck.
You don’t even think it was possible for San to get any better looking considering you always thought he’s the most attractive person you’ve ever laid your eyes on. But this new look? He’s fucking hot, and you hate how your mind even whirled to that end for a second.
You’re losing it, Y/n.
And you believe you’re just about to be okay, until he shifts in his position and you see him swallow down the tension; your gaze landing on the sheer dimple that pops out from the movements on his facial, and then his adam’s apple that protrudes just slightly, and that’s when the rise to your cheeks grow hotter and your stomach starts doing flips.
It’s so pathetic. Like you’re having two minds at the moment. One being your brain: the more sensible part that knows you’re over him. Then the other belonging to your body that has a mind of its own. And it reacts so extreme to just the mere sighting of San, it makes you doubt yourself if you’re really over him after all.
You were hoping there would an electricity similar to this back at dinner with Hyunjin who’s new, kind, and is a true gentleman. Because that’s how you should feel about someone who treats you right.
But all it took was for your ex flame to show up and completely knock your breath away, you didn’t even think it was possible to feel like this anymore until you actually start feeling it again.
You gulp, taking the initiative to break the silence. “San? What are you doing here?” But your voice is trembling.
He, too, is nervous. Why wouldn’t he be?
“I, uhm… I was summoned by Wooyoung.”
You could’ve laugh at the word choice, but you’re more pissed off at the fact that this is once again, your cousin’s doing.
Not only does he never keep his promises, but then has the balls to send your ex-boyfriend over instead… knowing the history you guys have.
That’s low, even for Wooyoung.
“I’m literally going to kill him,” You hiss with annoyance.
San emits a dry, low chuckle.
“Don’t. I… I kind of wanted to come.”
Your eyelashes flickers at his response that sends you into a trance.
Why would he want to come here? Why would he even think about coming here? After all that’s happened.
“I heard you’re moving back and just thought you’d need some help.”
“Wooyoung was supposed to help me.”
“And he sent me.”
“You didn’t have to come, I’ll be just fine.”
“But it’ll be easier if you had someone–”
“–I don’t need anyone.”
“I don’t know about that. Some stuff in here looks pretty heavy.” His gaze sneaks pass you to the layout of your dorm.
Your patience beginning to taper at the perseverance. You know that technically, he hasn’t done anything wrong. But the fact that you haven’t seen him in so long, and he just walks up to your dorm, saying all these things to you in such a passive aggressive tone, it does something to you.
And so you go to ask him the same question you’ve already asked him thousands of time before. Whenever he always show up at the most inconvenient hour.
“Why are you even here?” You ask, now addressing the elephant in the room.
Your chest heaving, deflating back and forth as you try to hold in the temper.
“I just told you–”
“–We haven’t seen each other in two years, San. Two freaking years. And now you just show up at my dorm, and for what? I don’t need your help so… you can go.”
He doesn’t say anything; only stares back at you with dull eyes. One thing that has always irked San about you, is that you’re really stubborn. And he hates having to argue his way out of your bad side. But he has no other choice.
“I didn’t ask if you need help or not. I said I’m here to help.”
And he walks himself in. Fucking unbelievable.
“Are you serious?” You’re still standing in the doorway, arms crossed as you follow San’s movements.
“Chill out.” He turns around. “I’m not going to do anything to you. Just here to help.” He smiles, until an idea takes over and the smile forms into a smirk.
“Or… is that what it is? You want to do something more?” He begins to take light steps toward you and you feel your back pressing the side of the door harder, attempting to shrink away, but you remember you still have to stand your ground.
“No!” You yell, defensive tone and pushing pass him when he gets closer.
Shameless. So shameless he is, even he acknowledges it.
Shutting the door entirely, he lets out a loose chuckle at your retaliation, and this time, he’s the one observing your movements.
He’s noticed your extra brushed hair and the nice shade of lipstick you’re wearing, as well as the accurately winged liner, and also the rosy blush on your cheeks which he could’ve mistaken for your natural shade since you were always so pink around him.
But, it’s been a while and you probably don’t feel the same anymore, so he’s sure it’s just some pigment from the wonders of your makeup.
He can’t help but to comment on the efforts of your appearance at such late hour; his curiosity only soaring when he sees you go to pick up what looks like a dress that has been laying on top of your bed.
“Going out somewhere?” He says from behind.
You scowl, feet shifting, and hanging the dress over your arm.
You walk to the laundry basket at the corner and toss it in with the rest of 'em.
“I just got back, actually.”
“From?” He tucks his hands back inside the pockets of his pant and tries acting aloof about it, although he’s really prying. Because he’s just a little curious where you came from, looking so pretty and in the kind of dress that you would only wear around him if you guys were going out on a date.
“You don’t need to know.”
He watches you stroll back to the bed, and he knows he shouldn’t, but naturally, his gaze lands on your legs and the way it jiggles in place whenever you take a step.
You’re only wearing some safety shorts and he would know because he saw it with his own eyes. And then he starts silently giggling to himself because he’s reminded that he also saw you in just your bra. It’s pink. And even now, he can see splash of it leaking through the oversized white shirt trying its best to shield your figure.
His stare lowering when you hop to sit on the edge of the bed and the fabric rides up your thighs. But you’re quick to pull the blanket over your bare parts and huddle your arms around your chest.
“Stop looking at me like that!” You holler from across the room; a frown on your face.
“Like I’m still your fucking girlfriend.”
“Sorry…” He mutters with some form of guilt, and you would’ve believed he actually meant it if he had just left and done the right thing, instead of coming over and sitting himself down next to you.
You scoot yourself over to create some distance when he does so.
“I mean it, I’m sorry. Okay, look. That was a bumpy start, but let’s try this again.”
“You walk into my dorm, make some snarky comments, interrogate like you had the rights to, and then go on to eyefuck me like I’m a piece of meat. And you’re going to call it a bumpy start. Tssk.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. That was shitty of me.” He stands up and scan the room. “Let’s get started, should we?”
You almost want to make another scene out of how fast he’s moving along the subject, but it’s not even worth the extra breath.
“You just carry the boxes, and don’t touch anything unless asked of you. Got it?”
He smiles. “Got it.”
You definitely did not expect to ever see San again, and most of all, you definitely did not expect that he’d be the person to help you pack up your belongings for the move.
It would only make sense for things to be a little awkward between the two of you with the time you’ve been apart. But you didn’t really feel… awkward. Just more cautious, perhaps.
He still makes the back of your hair raise when he passes by, and he still summons goosebumps to your skin, but you’ve gotten better at countering the urges. Urges to throw yourself at him, kiss him, and let him make you feel good the way he always does. But they’re also urges you know you shouldn’t be having.
“You should go,” You tell him, after having completed said task and the dorm looks practically empty except for the mattress.
“No thank you?” He arches one of his eyebrows to tease.
You’re already trailing to the door and prying it open.
“Thank you. Now you should go.”
He chuckles at the your unfazed and dead serious way of speaking.
Your face twist. “I don’t know. Back to where you came from? Back to Seoul.”
“I uhm…” He rubs the back of his neck before a sly smile makes an appearance. “I’m actually planning to stay another night in Daejeon.”
You gawk at him in awe.
“Okay… have fun.” You continue to be unbothered, still tapping impatiently as you await his exit.
What does he want you to do? Invite him to stay the night, alone, in your dorm? Absolutely not.
“Maybe we can uh… maybe we can catch up tomorrow?” He hesitates.
By now, you’re walking to him and pushing him out by the back of his shoulders.
“Yeah, sure,” You say, not much thinking going into your answer because you just want him out.
“Then, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
You nod once and shut the door.
You weren’t in a hurry to get rid of him because you didn’t want him here any longer, but because you felt the urges coming back and that you were going to end up doing something extremely regretful by morning.
“I can’t believe you would set me up like that, Woo,” You voice angrily over the phone to your stupid cousin, pacing back and forth in the limited space of your dorm.
“What! I did you guys a favor!”
“Favor? How the hell is sending over my ex boyfriend who I haven’t seen in fucking forever, a favor?”
“Because goddammit, Y/n. I can tell the sparks is still there.”
Wooyoung’s aware he often likes to stick his nose in everything which makes him super annoying, and most of the time, he only does the things he do to get a reaction. But he also knows when’s the right time to throw in his little two cents and when it’s better to just let whatever greater force up there work its magic.
And he really did tried to steer clear, tried avoid getting himself caught in between your’s and San’s relationship. Even if you’re his cousin and San is one of his best friends, it was none of his business. It still isn’t.
But somewhere in the back of his head, he has always hoped that someday, just someday… you and San will get back together.
He was truly the most devastated when the news broke out. Like on the brink of denial. He always thought you two would be endgame, get married, move in together, and go on to make a baby he can hold in his arms.
And even though he’d only see you once a year during the summer when you’d stay over, he can for sure say with his whole chest, that you looked the happiest during the time you were with San. And San, too, was the happiest ever since he’s known him at the mere age of fifteen.
And he does understand why you guys broke up at the time. But he also thinks there could’ve been a way around it. Of course, it was both of your first relationship and sooner or later, it was bound to hit a bump in the road. It was only natural it would, after the honeymoon phase and lovesickness wore off.
Sure, freaking San was growing more distant and started hanging with some people even Wooyoung himself wasn’t very familiar with. But as far as he is aware, the most daring thing the boy has even done was tried a cigarette once. And that was before Wooyoung adopted him into their friend group after seeing how out of place he was with his at the time.
The boy might had just hit that point again where curiosity and the fear of missing out overtook him since during the period you two were still together, the guys kind of dwindled down regarding parties, or going out, or any of that crazy shit.
Events didn’t happen as often anymore, except for birthdays, and even some were skipped. Movie nights became a rare occurrence because schedules were always conflicting with one another, and you’d end up with only half the group showing.
Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Christina were in their last year at the time and were preparing for graduation, while Yunho was mostly away at his Father’s company, and so the others started branching out and doing their own things.
Everyone wasn’t themselves a year ago, and no one had the want to drink until they couldn’t remember what they did the previous night. Not even Wooyoung himself. Cause no one had the privilege of that anymore. They had shit to do the next morning.
San was probably just trying to fill in the void and got an ego boost from being in a relationship, and it quickly went to his head.
He knows his friend can be a little stupid sometimes. And he also knows how hard headed you can also be. But that doesn’t make you wrong for each other.
He doesn’t want to play cupid since he doesn’t want to mess with whatever destiny has in plan. But he also has always believed that destiny’s plan is to bring you two back together one day. And so he will have to play cupid just for now.
After all, he wouldn’t be Jung Wooyoung if he didn’t.
But, he doesn’t want to meddle too much. Just enough to get the fire started.
“Wooyoung, I love you but… it would be nice if you could stop trying to pry into my personal affairs for once.”
You don’t even remember the last time you’ve spoken to Wooyoung this way. And you actually don’t even recall the last time you fought with him, if not over some silly reason like washing the dishes back when you guys were in middle school.
He’s a major pain in the ass but it never actually bothered you. In fact, you love that he’s always down to listen to anything and everything. Wooyoung is the best friend anyone can have.
So you hate that you’re getting so worked up, but you just can’t help it.
“And…” You pause, hesitating if you should say it, but carrying on anyways. “And I’m over him. So…”
A sheer, almost inaudible laugh emits from the other side.
“Okay then, so I guess you don’t care if I tell you about the girls he brings over ever since you left. What was her name? Yeojin? Minah? And another time there was a blondie too. Really nice legs and a body to kill for.”
It’s then that you feel a pang surging across your chest that produces a slight ache from Wooyoung’s words. You don’t even notice how your mouth slowly downturns into a frown. You wouldn’t see, unless you’re looking into a mirror.
He goes on, “He’d kick me out of the room, and keep the door locked. I’m not sure what they did while in there, but the girls always came out with a very funny walk after.”
You also don’t notice how your breathing becomes a little louder, rougher. But Wooyoung does.
“I don’t care and I don’t want to know about what or who he sticks his dick into. He’s not my boyfriend anymore. Whoever he fucks after me is none of my business.”
That would be the correct answer. You guys have broken up. You don’t have a say in who he can or can’t fuck. You don’t have the rights to be jealous. And you shouldn’t care anymore. It’s been two years. You were the one to initiate the breakup.
But you know that on the inside, you do care. You are jealous, and you do feel just a slight unjustified sense of betrayal. Because time has passed, yes. But you didn’t fuck anyone else. You didn’t bring anyone back to the dorm.
So it hurts. It shouldn’t. But it does… a lot.
So maybe conclusively, you’re not over Choi San. Not even after all these years. And all it took was some snide remarks from your cousin. And fuck. You hate it.
You’re only greeted by a still silence, you could’ve thought the line got cut off. Until Wooyoung utters something again. Short and simple.
Your face shrinks in confusion.
“Why are you afraid of love?”
The sudden accusation stunning you. You have no idea what he means by that, or what he’s trying to get at.
And as if you’re already not on the verge of losing it, there just has to be a knock at your door.
“I’m not afraid of love,” You reply, making your way over to the disruption.
It’s true. You’re not. You used to think you were, but now you’re sure the fear is beyond just loving someone. If you are, you wouldn’t have dated San. You wouldn’t have agreed to go out to dinner with Hyunjin.
“Really?” His tone mocking.
And to make matters worse, the door opens to reveal just about the last person you want to see right now.
“Yes. Really,” You spit, and then hang up; attention switching to the man in front of you.
San thinks he just walked into a danger zone, judging by the venom in your voice before and the way you’re looking at him right now like you want him ripped into shreds.
You open your mouth to say something, but San already knows what you’re going to say, so he cuts you off.
“You agreed that we can catch up today, don’t you remember?”
You grunt in annoyance.
“Don’t tell me you actually took that to heart.”
He snickers. “Why else would I be here? Silly girl.” The shift is both bizarre and amusing.
“Well, I don’t have time to catch up. I’m wrapping things up today and leaving to my parents.”
“Perfect! I can help. And we can talk when we get over there?” He raises an eyebrow coupled with a smile, but you scoff in response.
“When we get over there? I’m not bringing my ex-boyfriend to my parents’ house.”
Why? Why are you even having a casual conversation with him? You need boiling, hot water poured on you ASAP so you can get back to your senses.
He laughs and shakes his head.
“Oh come on, I kind of miss your parents. And we can still be friends, at least? We were friends once.”
Your family did liked him a lot, especially your brother. So after the break up, imagine not only having to dealt with a broken heart, but also the constant allegations from your brother that you chased San away.
He has since apologized, so no hard feelings there. But you know he’d be overjoy to have San back.
“Friends?” You repeat, dragging the decision.
And from thin air, Wooyoung’s words comes ringing at your ears uninvited.
“Okay then, so I guess you don’t care if I tell you about the girls he brings over ever since you left. What was her name? Yeojin? Minah? And another time there was a blondie too. Really nice legs and a body to kill for.”
“He’d kick me out of the room, and keep the door locked. I’m not sure what they did while in there, but the girls always came out with a very funny walk after.”
You swing the frame to close but he’s fast to oppose, and he wins of course because your arms are noodles compared to his.
“Why not?” He says, a doe look in his eyes that causes your heart to soften in return.
Because you don’t want to be friends with someone you’ve already kissed, already slept with, and already done so many things with that simply going back to friends just isn’t appropriate, you think.
It’s too risky.
“Because I don’t want to.”
You’re sad, you know.
San breathes out what seems to be a sign of disappointment, but nonetheless moving along the discussion.
“Okay… that’s fine. But can I help you at least?”
“San, you already carried almost everything to my car yesterday. All I have left to do is drive to my parents.”
He shrugs. “Well, you can put some in my car? You’re going to kill yours with all that weight.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving my things in the car because I have to leave for Seoul immediately after the stay. But you’re not staying. So we’re going to have to transfer everything over anyways.”
“Then we’ll transfer everything over when I leave. Less pressure on your car for the time being.”
And you don’t even have the energy to argue any longer. Not after going at it with Wooyoung on the phone, so you just give in.
Anything to get him to stop pestering.
You find out during the walk downstairs and to your cars that he had stayed in a cheap motel nearby. It almost made you feel bad, have you not think about how there was pretty much no other alternatives.
He wanted to stay the night. No one was telling him to. So…
You take one last glance at the building you’ve basically spent the last two years in–a melodramatic scene playing in your head, treasuring all the memories made, before driving off. You’ll surely miss the place.
The only thing weirder than coming back home with your ex-boyfriend, is coming back home with your ex-boyfriend when you guys still aren’t exactly on okay terms.
But even weirder when your parents and brother welcomes him back with open arms, like the past two years never even crossed their minds.
“So how have you been, San?” Your father ask; all of you sitting around the crowded dining table. You’re on the side and want this whole thing to be over with.
“Good, good. And you guys?”
Your father smiles. “Never been better.”
“You’ve been out of school for a year now, right? Have you found anything yet that caught your eyes?” Your mother joins.
A shy, almost embarrassed smile makes wave across his face. “I have, actually.” Going on to rub the back of his neck but still with a miniscule smirk. “I came back from the studio yesterday… reason why I wasn’t able to make it to Y/n’s graduation, I have to apologize.”
He turns to stare at you, but you just continue to sit stoic.
“Studio?” You echo.
He nods. “Yeah… Wooyoung didn’t tell you?”
You shake your head.
“Ah well… me and him finally got accepted into this big studio back in Seoul. We’re still kind of in the process of climbing up the ladders, but soon enough we’ll be full-time instructors.”
“That’s great, San!” Your father gives him pats on the back–the visual of your mother, father, and brother huddling around him as his dimples emerges from his cheeks from such interaction… it’s going to make you sick.
He stays for breakfast and engages in conversations with your family like he’s got all the time in the world.
And just when it’s over–just when you think he might leave now, after you finish helping your father with the dishes and he follows your mother out to the back, San is still around.
He joins your brother in the living room, and because your brother isn’t the fourteen or fifteen year old from before who’d rather go out with his friends and do dumb shit; he’s now eighteen and in his last year of high school, which means his interest in girls soared.
“Ayy man, if you like her, just ask her out. You don’t know until you try.”
You hear San’s booming voice reaching where you are. You don’t mean to snoop, but you’re still tidying up the dining table and the living room is right in your viewing, so… there’s not exactly a wide range of things to do while you’re cleaning.
Your brother’s laughter comes shortly after.
“Easy for you to say. You’re charming and handsome. I don’t even think you know what rejection feels like. You can get anyone you want, man.”
But the conversation does become a little more… intriguing, and cleaning soon turns into a second priority.
“You’re charming and handsome, too,” San says.
Your brother blows raspberry and shakes his head.
“Not like you though. Girls love guys like you.”
It’s then that you become just a little more nosy, your hand half assing the cleaning on the table. But you jump when San’s head abruptly spins back and you lock gaze with him; a smirk painting his expression.
You look down immediately, shifting away in a pretentious act as if you weren’t just caught.
“Maybe, but I’m still after your sister, hoping she’ll give me another chance.”
You snap back up at such statement–San’s and your brother’s eyes on you. A puzzled look on your brother, but an amused one on San like this is all entertainment to him.
“Oh, she’s a handful,” Your brother comments, watching the way you shoot lasers at him.
San chuckles. “I know. But I like a challenge.” He smirks and even delivers you a wink. The audacity.
“Tsk!” You click your tongue, slapping down the towel you were holding and begin trailing upstairs–uncomfortable with being the main subject of their discussion.
Some things never change, that including the layout of your brother’s old room that still looks pretty much the same except for maybe a few empty spaces that are now being used as storage.
You’re laying on the sheet you’ve sprawled out on the floor; the same one you always slept on during visits, scrolling through your social media feeds until you’re disrupted by a knock.
And you already have a good guess on who it could be.
“Go away!” You shout from your position.
“Can I please talk to you?” San’s muffled voice spout from the other side.
You lower your phone to respond, head perking up to the door.
“You can talk to me from there. I can still hear you.”
But that’s not enough.
“Please?” His tone growing desperate.
You exhale a faint groan, getting off the flooring, and going to yank the door open.
His face lights up immediately, eyes similar to a hopeful lost puppy.
“What is it?” You try sounding uninterested but you think you just sound tired.
He doesn’t reply–just walks himself in and turns to you; something he likes to do… a lot.
“–Are you going to leave after this?” You trim.
He’s dazed from the sudden interrogation, but goes on to shake his head. “No, I’m planning to–”
“–stay? You’re planning to stay? You know, I wonder what was really your motive last night when you decided to show up. To really just help me, or are you expecting something more to come out of the reunion?” Your demeanor switching in a blink of an eye, San can’t even come up with a formulated response, yet.
“Did Wooyoung sent you over so you’ll be able to talk me into getting back together? Because I’ll tell you now: that’s not happening.”
He opens his mouth to say something–like he was going to say something else, until it settles on just, “Why not?” And you think you even see a glimmer of hurt in him as he said it.
“Because…” You feel the knot in your throat slowly building itself.
“Because you don’t want to try again? Because you’re afraid of love?” He cocks his head slightly, and all of a sudden he’s now the one with an advantage–hovering over your smaller stature.
Your features twist; distort in response. Because you’ve heard that line before.
“Why are you afraid of love?”
“I’m not afraid of love.“
“I’m not fucking afraid of love. I dated you, San. And even yesterday I went out to dinner with some dude from my University.” And you were in love with him.
“Really?” He arches his brows; delivery alike to Wooyoung when he said it, you hate how much it makes your skin crawls.
You were going to reply but flinches when he takes a step forward, and then another–until your back meets the door; the knot in your throat in full bloom that only worsen when he traps you with one arm pinned against the door.
“Because I have a feeling that you probably didn’t even want to go on that date at all. Hmm?”
And the way your face falls is all the answer he needs.
He leans even closer; your spine practically squashing the hard surface at this rate from pressing it with your might–an attempt to pull back from San’s intense gaze.
“Bet you were thinking about me the whole time. How much the date sucks. Or maybe it didn’t. Perhaps you just couldn’t feel anything from the person you were with, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself. Right?”
It’s scary… how well he’s able to read you. Too scary.
He takes in your fearful expression and pulls back, pouring out a dry, humorless chuckle.
“I would know, Y/n. I would know because I went through the same exact shit. I went out on dates. Not even just one date. I lead multiple girls on, only to just let them down in the end. I was so close, so fucking close to making out with some of them. I thought about sleeping with some of them.”
You listen closely to his words; the confession overworking the rate at which your heart is beating–makes you feel the most nervous you’ve ever felt in a long while.
“But I didn’t,” He says breathlessly, raking one hand over his black hair. “I didn’t do any of that, because I always think back to you every single fucking time. You’re there whenever I look at Wooyoung, you’re there when I pass by that damn cursed Café, you’re sitting on that bench whenever I happen to catch it from the corner of my eyes; you’re even there on my fucking bed whenever I go to sleep. Shit, I don’t even go to Lotte World anymore, because all I can think of when I see that place is you.”
He’s not done yet, though. The pause only to gather enough air for the next one.
“Of course, some of those girls were wonderful. Exactly the kind that would have me head over heels for. But fuck, Y/n. They don’t look at me the way you do. They don’t turn pink at the smallest things, and they don’t try to steal glances whenever I smile. They won’t be able to kiss me how you do–won’t be able to make me feel the way you do. Because they’re not you. And… and I just miss you so much.”
He closes off the distance again, hands going to cup your face that it causes you to wince.
“San…” You talk under your breath, placing your hands over his and looking him in the eyes; such action that even you didn’t know you were capable of.
“There’s been so many times that I wanted to come here and ask you to take me back. I almost did once… until I overheard Wooyoung talking to you on the phone.” A sad smile befalls his sharp features and it makes you sink in unreasonable guilt.
“You said you made new friends; good ones. And you were slowly but surely learning to settle again, in the solace of your hometown. And… I didn’t want to take that away from you. It would’ve been selfish.” He shakes his head in disbelief, a chuckle escaping insincerely.
“But look at me now, acting exactly on my selfish wishes. So I just want to know, Y/n: do you still feel the same about me, too? All of what I said, am I correct? When I’m close to you; touching you like this, does it do anything to you?”
The sorrowful look on him before now replaced by an eager one; his stare piercing into yours.
You cower in at being so cornered–put on the spot. Voices in your head mixing in with others; one screaming at you and skeptical about getting this intimate and vulnerable with San again. And then another telling you that transparency and honesty is the only way.
But you can barely manage to say anything. There’s so much to say that you simply don’t know where to begin.
“Do you still have the necklace?” His face inches in closer, and you don’t miss the way the light reflects on his growing desperation.
You just slowly nod.
Of course you still have the necklace. How could you throw something he’s put his heart into? Erase him and omit everything that comes in his name? You couldn’t, because he’s always haunted you ever since day one.
Lingering at the back of your head and always intrusively invading your thoughts as much as you’d done to his.
Going back to not caring about relationships or boys, because after all, none of them were Choi San.
Your first boyfriend, and the only person that has ever made you felt sure, that you too, do crave love and affections.
A new radiance glows on him from your answer; a ray of hope.
“I still have the plushie you gave me, too. Though it has been kept in the closet for some times now, because every time I look at it, I want to cry.”
A congested giggle breaks out and you think you feel a small tear prick your eye, but San is quick to wipe it away.
“So, can we try this again?” He’s the one to speak–not wanting to come off pushy, but at the same time he’s already broken through some of the walls you’ve put up and doesn’t want to lose the chance again.
“I-I don’t know…” You say so low–gently taking his hands off your cheeks and guiding them to rest at his side. “If it didn’t worked out the first time, I’m just not sure if it will the second time.”
“Why are you afraid of love?”
The phrase abruptly zooming past again when you remember it, and you feel the need to clarify.
“And, I’m not afraid of love.”
He continues to stay speechless, only ogling at you like you hold all the answers in the world; as if your eyes are made of stars–though you always believed he is the star between the two of you.
“I’m just… scared of building that bond; that connection again, only for it to fade when things doesn’t feel right anymore. What if in the future we have another fight? A bigger one? That it results in us despising each other even more? What if we run into another difference between the both of us we can’t fix? I-It’s just all too uncertain.”
San picks his hands back up from the side to go take your wrists in his hold; the want and need to minimize all your doubts and insecurities.
“I was a dick. I know I was. What I said that night… fuck, I still think about it often.”
“–Cause, fuck–it’s just gotten so repetitive! I come over and we do the same thing every fucking day. I just wish you would go out for once, talk to new people, just be even the tiniest bit curious about what’s out there.”
“You were just so cold to me, and the only way I knew how to fight back was to sink my claws into your skin. And maybe some parts of it were spoken based on how I was feeling at the time–of course it was if I was able to have said it. And… I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but, I love you. I still do. And If you had given me a chance to fix it, I would’ve.”
You stare at his clutch on you, bangs falling over your forehead that it makes your entire aura dark, unreadable; shifting your gaze to the floor and answering in a small, timid voice.
“You completely sidelined me, San. You got bored of me. So if we get back together, how long will it be until you get bored again? A few months? A year maybe? I’m so simple and so basic. I’m so–”
You don’t get to finish bashing yourself because San’s already pulling you into his embrace and shushing you; your ear against his chest, and you hear that familiar pounding that you haven’t in such a long while.
“You’re not, okay? Don’t say that about yourself.” He rubs small circles at the back of your head, then pulling away shortly after to look you in the face.
“You still feel it, right? Everything?”
The question is vague, but he doesn’t have to say a lot for you to know what he means.
You nod–hesitantly. but nodding.
He smiles the widest, most carefree you’ve ever seen him, before his manner shifts back completely.
“Will you give me another chance, then? And I promise, if it doesn’t work out, I won’t bother you ever again. I’ll leave you alone for good. I just don’t want to at least not try…”
You still in silence; all the voices in your head again countering one another, but the main one–the one you want to listen to, is telling you to go for it. Since after all, you still feel everything: the scorching rise to your cheeks, the fluttering of that thing inside your chest, and the butterflies that tickles your stomach when you see him. All of it.
You drop another nod, barely able to get a glimpse of his facials before he’s suffocating you with a tight hug.
“Thank you. Thank you.”
The vibration produced from his words are felt on your shoulder that he’s using as support for his chin.
He gets back up to lock gaze with you again; the most child-like smile plastered on his face.
“But,” you say, “from now on, let’s just be honest and open with each other? Even if it’ll sting a little. If you don’t want to do something, you tell me. And if something’s bothering me, I come talk to you right away. No beating around the bush or dragging it out.”
He agrees with a hum, building on the rules, “And before making any big decisions, we’ll need to look for a solution first together. Mutually.”
“Okay, fair.” You smile.
“If you come to think of it… we actually never broke up at all. You wanted to, but I never actually agreed, so technically this whole time, we were in a long distance relationship. Give or take.”
You chuckle with a roll of your eyes, pushing him lightly by the shoulder; his feet hardly flying off the floor until it lands again.
The next couple of seconds is quiet; both of you still processing the fact that you two are really together again after being apart for so long, it doesn’t even feel believable yet.
“So uhm… can I kiss you?” San suddenly ask. “Sorry, I don’t mean to like rush or anything, but I’ve been really wanting to kiss you ever since I saw you back at the dorm.”
You giggle, not uttering a response but instead grabbing onto the collar of his shirt and tippy toeing to place a light peck on his lips–his eyes gaping in awe when you pull away.
He scoops you back up with arms circling your waist, lowering his head to match your height and taking your starved lips in for a soft, tender kiss, though he wants to just devour you whole right this instant.
Your arms find itself within the back of his neck, resting and tugging him forward so you can savor the taste of him that you’ve gone so long without.
His mouth responds gracefully to your movements; your flesh against his in such a comfortable way that the past two years haven’t affected his or your ability to read each other as if that time apart never happened.
The both of you detach at the same time but your arms still relaxed around his neck; silence eating up the atmosphere again, because you two know what usually comes after a kiss.
San’s the one to bring it up.
“Is this the part where we have make-up sex, or is that not happening?”
You laugh and mildly shrug.
“We can, if you have any condoms. I’ve been off the pills for quite some times now. I didn’t exactly have a reason to be on it anymore.”
A tiny speck of panic brushes his expression until it fades.
“I don’t have any either. I didn’t exactly have a reason to carry them anymore as well. I was only like 30% sure you were going to take me back, and even less sure you were going to be willing to have sex right away.”
“Pfft,” You scoff.
"In that case, you can just grind on me then? The way you always do. You're usually good at that."
You giggle, using the leverage you have on his neck to bring yourself flushed against his chest, looking up at him with something darker in your eyes.
"We can have sex. You just have to pull out on time. Can you do that?"
He's stilled in his spot, a delay in him he didn't even know was possible--especially with the way you're looking at him right now.
"Are you sure?"
"Unless, you don't want to?"
"Fuck, no yeah--let's do it." He doesn't waste a minute, scooping you from under your butt that causes a grunt to escape, heading over to the bed on the floor and settles you down gently; knees in between your legs and hovering as he strips himself bare from the top.
You watch the way his shirt rides up his skin until it's completely off and his toned abs are within your view. San's shoulders are still as broad as ever, but you think he has gotten slightly more ripped; your eyes refusing to steer away--too mesmerized by the sight.
He smirks at your reaction and is surprised you haven't drooled at this point.
Just when he goes to unbutton his pant, he notices your gaze following and has to hold back from laughing at how immersed you are in the little strip show.
He looks up and catches your eyes with a smile before another smirk crawls out.
"So, are you taking your clothes off too, or are we going to take turns to watch each other undress?"
His words knock you down from the high; eyelashes flickering till you're sane again. San catches the motion and charges out a titter--thinks it's absolutely adorable.
"Oh--you just, look so much bigger..." You mumble, thirsty eyes still scanning his perfectly sculptured body.
"Yeah, I've been working out... more at least." He brushes it off like it's nothing, but this is definitely something.
"I see that."
His pants slides down to his knees, and he's kicking it off until it flies and lands somewhere you don't really care about. As long as it's off.
He gawks at you in mirth again, and this time, his laugh is a little louder. Damn you, you haven't seen a shirtless man in so long, it's almost pathetic how star struck you are, like it's the very first time. But it has been a hot minute, in your defense.
"You look pretty in that outfit, Princess. But I think you'll look even better with it off."
The dirty words summoning a light blush, and honestly, you never even thought it was possible to get butterflies from remarks that are meant to only make your panties wet, but San has always very much proven that it indeed is a thing.
You don't answer, only crossing your arms to reach for the end of your shirt, and tearing the coverage away.
"Jesus, did your boobs got bigger?" He eyefucks your almost naked figure and his gaze is unashamedly intrusive as it studies your cleavage.
"I think time's just distorting your perspective." You unclasp your bra and throw it in the same direction San threw his pants.
His hands are on your breasts the second they're freed, doing gentle massages that has you biting your lower lips; holding back filthy moans.
"Miss these fucking tits so much," He growls out, then dives in instantly and latches one of your nipple to his mouth, tongue doing circles and hands groping the other neglected one, releasing some of the moans you were trying to suppress.
And somehow, you end up straddling him while he continues to play with your tits; letting him use it like his own play thing, until he's done and detaches from it with a wet sop.
He removes the few loose strands of hair that has fell in front, and tucks it behind your shoulders, so he can get better access to your neck, placing small kisses along the way and teeth digging into your skin a few times that you can already picture the marks for the next couple of days.
While he continues to bruise the area, his grip finds place within your ass with a light squeeze before initiating a harsh slap to one of them, causing you to jolt in surprise; your frame bouncing then landing back to crush his boner.
You kindly tap his shoulder and he disconnects from the marking session to look into your eyes.
"I would really love to do all the build-ups first, and actually, I would really like your cock in my mouth right now, but my family are still downstairs and I'm afraid we're not going to have enough time to do everything..."
The corner of his lips upturn into a smirk; the bluntness bringing in a new type of arousal.
"So what are you trying to say, baby?" He cocks his head lazily but still with a smug look. You can feel how hard he is from the fabric poking your thigh.
"Want you to fuck me," You state, no lacking of confidence.
He sneers and using the hold he has, pulls you against his chest and whispers sensually, "That's what I want to hear."
And he takes you in for a sloppy kiss, your tongues dancing around each other's coherently while dashing for the hem of his boxer, tugging it down just enough for his cock to spring out, and you're standing on your knees next, brushing your loose shorts and underwear aside then lining yourself up to his entrance and finally sinking onto his length as airy groans fill the silence.
Your tongues never leave the other's mouth and your arms find comfort around his neck--his grip back to your ass, guiding you to ride his cock like it's the last thing you'll do.
The squelching noises of skins slapping is nasty, but it's all you can focus on; especially with the way he keeps hitting that good spot over and over again, you feel like you're going to combust.
You haven't gotten fucked in so long and it shows.
It's not like you and San haven't gone out of line while staying over at your parents. Before, you would just suck him off and he'd eat you out or maybe finger you, so actual penetration is new.
But you'll have plenty of time after to feel bad. You gotta cum first. And well, that doesn't take very long since San's clutch has moved to your hips, his speed animalistic and thrusting up with every might that it sends you over the edge instantly, washing out like a fucking wave.
"Love my cock that much, baby?" He teases, seeing the state you're in. But you can only nod pathetically and bury your face into his shoulder, allowing him to fuck you some more until he reaches his own orgasm.
He's really close, literally almost there.
"Baby, you gotta move now, unless you want to grow a big belly in the future," He announces, and you're fast to pull out from his length. You watch as he strokes it a couple more time, and finally ejaculating onto the sheet on the floor, much to your horror.
"San!" You hiss.
"Those are my parents' sheet I'm borrowing."
He just laughs it off. "Better the sheet than inside of you, baby. Unless you think otherwise."
You already know a long day is coming up ahead, especially when you plan to apologize to Wooyoung and tell him that you and San are officially back together.
“First time falling in love, first time being in a relationship, first time trying to do anything with another person is going to be tough, Y/n. But you got this. You’re going to learn a lot from it, even if it doesn’t work out. Take it as a lesson, instead of regrets or failure.”
You think back often to what Christina said that day, during your Freshman year of college; though, you think back a lot to that year in particular: when you were set out into the world on your own--into a new city, a new environment, and a new stage in your life, all at the mere age of nineteen.
You can still almost recall the sheer excitement at the time--the anticipation for what is to come.
But now that you're twenty-six and no longer nineteen, it's comical to think that you once believed you had the world in the palm of your hand at that age.
You moved, met new people, fell in love for the very first time, had your first boyfriend, and did just about everything you believed was the epitome of growth at the time. But even then, you were still so far from it--and it took a lot of actual growing to do, for the realization to set in.
San's laying down next to you, eyes closed and snores departing every once in a while. He's still the same exact man you fell in love with when you moved to the city: dimples, hollowed cheeks, sharp jawline, and flirty tactics whose sole purpose are to make you blush--but he's changed even more with another three years having gone by.
His patience and tolerance for things in general--for you, are better by a margin. San is a man now, and you are too, an improved woman. Though both are no longer in that timeline of constantly having to be around each other and getting a high off from love--a comfortable middle has been found instead.
You both do love each other--and being apart for a while, hanging out with other people, or having different takes on certain matters that would sometimes result in small disagreements--doesn't make that any less true.
That San loves you, and you love him. Regardless of your differences.
And hell, it took a lot of fuck-ups for you two to come around to the concept. You hurt each other's feelings, had many miscommunications, broke up--only to find your way back in the other's arms.
So you're grateful, for all the fuck-ups and all the bad days--so you can look back and learn from it. What not to do. After all, that's the perks of being each other's first love--the wonders of being young and inexperienced.
Following up with the boys going their separate ways, and a few mending and adjustments to the relationship after, with you and San certain that you guys really want to do this, you two moved into a bigger apartment.
The separation was bound to happen with everyone venturing out, and living with seven other men was proving to no longer be sustainable.
San and Wooyoung still works at the studio, and has enough experiences at this point that promotions is just around the corner.
Wooyoung got his own place, and is doing well for himself--living the life solo. He has dated but such thing has never been his priority. You just always assumed he likes his freedom and not having to worry about someone else.
As for the others...
When you and San attended Hongjoong's and Christina's wedding a couple months back, it was joyous to see all their relatives and extended family. Especially Christina's--some who came all the way from New Zealand and spoke in mostly English, but would call her by her Korean name.
There was a lot of catching up during the event; everyone so swept up by their own schedules, the wedding was really the one time you all came together to have a breather.
Seonghwa and Yejin came, Yunho and Jisoo came; Yeosang, Wooyoung, Mingi--they all came too. And Jongho and Hana, they both also came. Everyone did.
Hongjoong is now a Music Teacher at a local High School, and Christina got her Master's a while back--so she's also teaching, but at a University, specializing in Gender Studies.
Yunho is helping his Father full-time, and is next in line. He and Jisoo finally are engaged and had just bought a house in Gangnam not too long ago, though Jisoo was against it because as she said: it was too much.
You always wondered why it took them as long as they did to become official, but you learned from San that Yunho is very wary when it comes to these things. Especially because of his family's background, it was harder to draw the line between whether they actually really like him, or if they had other motives.
And Jisoo's done nothing but proved time and time again that she doesn't want anything from Yunho, other than a sincere heart.
Seonghwa and Yejin are looking for a place together, and are absolutely in love. As far you were aware, before you left Seoul to Daejeon, they were still just good friends. But something happened after, and you can for sure say, the future is looking very bright for them.
And the past; for whatever that was between you and Seonghwa, or Yejin and San--it's been put behind. Years' gone by, and you guys are just simply too old for that shit.
Yeosang and Mingi brought some new faces to the wedding. You haven't seen them around before, but considering everyone was too busy to keep tabs on one another, none of the others knew as well. But it's their girlfriends, they said. Super sweet and lovely women.
Jongho came with someone else, and so did Hana. She's also engaged and is going to be married soon. With how tight and close the two are, it was a given that most assumed they were going to end up dating. But the relationship is platonic and always has been. Who said a girl and a guy can't be best friends?
Oh! And Yeji and Ryujin came, too! In the cutest matching dresses and pair of shoes. They're content with life in Daejeon, and visits every holidays. Or whenever you drop by for your parents, you always take the chance to make plans with them if possible.
San was happy that you were able to find some genuine friends during your time there. He joked about being worried that he was going to be your only source of any social interactions--to which of course, you pinched his cheeks brutally for teasing you.
"I thought you said he was only kind of cute," Ryujin said, sneaking a glance at San who is just standing behind the three of you, and fidgeting in his spot.
The thing is, though they know the timeline of the relationship, his appearance was something you almost never talked about. Only from your descriptions, is that he's kind of cute. Never that he pretty much took your breath away upon the first meeting from the borderline perfection.
And you didn't exactly have any photos for show. You'd say it was because you deleted them, but really, it was because you kept it all locked away in a folder you didn't dare access.
So it just... never really came up.
"Okay so maybe he's really really cute..." You shrugged lightly. "But, that doesn't mean I took him back because of that. I-I think it could really work out."
Ryujin snickered. "I mean, it's your choice after all. I'm not into men, but, he's a cutie for sure." She nudged you with a playful smirk.
"You two look great together," Yeji added, having snuck a peek at San herself.
You turned back slightly just to check, only to get caught up in his gaze with him returning a smile that makes your cheeks heat up.
Months goes by; you're still twenty-six, but it's no longer summer. Now approaching the cold November weather, you wake up that morning with nausea, rushing to the bathroom and feeling the need to vomit.
San hears the ruckus caused by you shuffling out of bed, and he's quick to get up and follow after.
"Baby, are you okay?" His voice echoes with the heavy footsteps. He finds you face first into the toilet and kneels down to your height, rubbing at your back gently.
You simply nod before turning to him; his face full of concerns.
"Feeling sick? Need me to get you anything?" He touches your forehead with the back of his hand for a fever check.
You shake your head, lips drooping just a smidge to form a pout. He helps you get off the floor and you make way to the sink, rinsing the bile away.
"San..." You mumble his name with a questionable nervousness. A sensation mixing in your stomach that makes you want to throw up again--all signs and indications from days before making too much sense on why you're currently in this state.
He stares back with fully engaged eyes, interests sticking to your words and you think it's only going to make you sicker.
"I...I think I might be pregnant."
He freezes in place and the lack of reaction makes you more tense than ever. Is he angry, disappointed, happy? Anything.
"You're one-hundred percent sure?" He says, all pleasant tone.
"I don't know, but I think? My period is also over a week late. I-I didn't think too much about it, since I've had late periods before, but morning sickness was new."
You wait for him to say something, and when he breaks out a soft, tender smile, the heavy brick sitting on your chest drops in relief.
He takes both your hands and clasp them together with his palms.
"That's good! Really really good," He speaks with enthusiasm. You can almost feel how excited he is just from how tight he's holding onto you.
He nods. "I've been having thoughts for some times now. But, of course, I didn't want to rush anything since we're still only engaged, and... that part could wait until the actual wedding's over with. I didn't want to pressure you or anything if you weren't ready. But, this is great news!"
You chuckle, and seeing how happy he is just at the possibility, you're already starting to warm up to the idea.
"I haven't even got tested yet, though, so it could also just be something else."
"Should I go buy you a kit right now, then?"
You hum with a small nod. "Yeah... the sooner the better."
And that's how you found out you're pregnant. When it shows up as two lines instead of one, and you're soon cradled in San's clutch as he spins you around in joy.
Of all people you could've thought of revealing the news to, Wooyoung is the first to come to mind. Not your parents, or San's, or Yeji and Ryujin.
Because undeniably, you will be eternally indebted to your annoying and nosy cousin, who, although loved to stick his nose where it didn't belong--had it not been for him, you never would've met so many amazing people, and you never would've met the boy who is soon going to be the father of your child.
And, well... you just love Wooyoung. If there's one person you know will always have your back regardless, it's definitely him.
"Oh my gosh bitch, shut up! You're shitting me!" Wooyoung screeches over the phone.
"No shitting here," you respond.
"I have the perfect theme for a baby shower! Hear me out!"
Both of your parents are the next to know, and you didn't even have to tell your aunt or uncle because Wooyoung's big ass mouth got that part covered.
The announcement spread like wildfire, and you have no idea whose doing it was at this point. But it wasn't you, that's for sure.
It started off with a call from Yeosang to congratulate you two, then a text message from Mingi, followed by another phone call from Hongjoong and Christina; they're a little envy because you and San are having a baby before them, but their time will come, too.
Then Jisoo's shortly after, already rambling on about a baby shower as well. You would think they're even more pumped than you are.
San is urgent on scheduling an ultrasound and getting you checked by actual doctors. And not even within a week, he's already treating you like you're fragile glass and if he were to just touch you a little, you'd break.
He doesn't let you pack anything too heavy when you go to work; whenever you take the elevator, he always has to be in with you. And he gets a heart attack from you carrying something as lightweight as a textbook that just happens to look a little thick.
Currently, you're both snuggling in bed; your head resting on top his chest and legs lacing over his. One of his arms is around your waist, but occasionally, it'll move to help his other one navigate his phone screen.
You think he officially has baby fever. He hasn't been able to stop talking about anything but the baby, it's quite endearing.
"What about Jihoon?" Jihoon meaning wisdom and intellect.
"Hmmm..." You murmur, "I like it. But, don't you think we should wait until we know the gender first?" You snap up to look him in the eyes.
"Doesn't hurt to think about it beforehand. Now, let me look at some names for girls."
You only giggle and shake your head, going back to using his chest as a pillow.
"Sujin... ooh! How about Nabi?" He perks in exhilaration, you can feel the movements of his body lifting slightly before collapsing.
"Oh, Nabi's very cute."
You don't start experiencing other signs of pregnancy until a little later, when your hormone levels are all fucked up and you get mood swings. Your endurance for things start thinning and sometimes you'll feel like crying for absolutely no reason.
Other times, you'll confine yourself to solitary because you don't want to be around anyone, not even San. One or two instances, you'll be upset at him even though he's just trying to help, and you'll end up an even bigger mess later on when you go apologize to him because he never even did anything to have warranted such cold gesture.
But, you're so glad that he never faults you for any of it. Your body is making an entire human being at the moment, how could he?
And soon after, when your appearance starts altering as well; your breasts growing in size, and you look a little bigger from the couple of pounds gained, he never stops assuring to make sure you feel so beautiful, because he can see how self conscious you are from the changes.
The summer of next year, when you're twenty-seven, you give birth to a healthy little boy who weighs seven pounds, and is as cute as a bean, that when you see him for the first time, you burst into actual tears of happiness.
His name is Hyuk, and San was the one who chose it, having came to the conclusive decision of wanting his son to have a one syllable name just like him.
And when you're finally able to bring little Hyuk home, you feel your eyes getting watery again, because while cradling him in your arms like you never want to let go, you can spot the indentations on his cheeks--just like his father.
When the weather and climate goes from hot to freezing again, and the sun doesn't hold as much power as it used to; the windows beginning to frost, and you can see your foggy breath polluting the air, little Hyuk is already a few months old out of the womb--his features not yet fully developed, but the trails of resemblance to San is uncanny.
If you were to put a baby picture of San next to him, there's almost no difference at all. And especially when San would do something silly like peek-a-boo to get a reaction out of him, that smile is a straight replica from the man himself.
He is a little bit of a crybaby and often wakes you and San up in the middle of the night; whether that's so you can breastfeed him, or because his diaper needs to be changed--but you both love him so much and he makes you so happy.
The wedding is held the following spring and all the people you've come to know and love are there. It feels like you and San are already married with everything that has happened, so the ceremony was more of just a formal way to make it official once and for all.
So, in this story, everyone does get their happy endings.
Even Hwang Hyunjin--who, you ran into at the baby aisle one random day and learned that he and his wife is also expecting.
He probably remembered you as that one girl during his senior year that went out on a date with him once and then was never to be seen again. But that memory is likely so small in comparison to the bigger scale of things right now. It doesn't matter anymore that some girl rejected him years ago.
Much like how it is between you and San. Sure, there were lots of mistakes and bad days--and maybe even more bad days are to come, but now, they're merely echoes of the past.
You learned that there will always be a world for you anywhere, as long as you make it home. That although you felt a more sense of security and safety with the dimmer lights, any kind of lights in general doesn't define your belonging.
Stars are just stars. Astronomical objects of the universe, and doesn't hold any symbolism or implications regarding if you're deserving of the boy you're so in love with.
But, if he is a star, then you'll be the sky that holds him in place. If he is to be the moon, then you'll be the sun; so opposite and contrasting of each other, but in that you exist within the same galaxy.
And you're so glad, to have found him. Because not many people get a happy ending with their first love; their first everything. And somehow, you do. With the dimpled boy who had the shiniest pink hair and the loveliest smile, who stole your heart when you were nineteen.
You and San stares at sleeping Hyuk, who, now knows how to walk with stumbling steps.
He had been crying all night long, ever since arriving home from a playdate with Hongjoong's and Christina's kid. He was throwing a tantrum, hands all flapping the water and splashing at San when he tried giving him a bath. And later wailing in only 'dadda dadda' when taken out and a towel's wrapped around his tiny body.
You just finally got him to sleep after feeding and rocking him in your embrace, cooing children's songs.
"He never acted like this before, ever. Should I schedule an upcoming appointment just in case?" You utter, tone filled with uneasiness.
San grips the railing of the crib with one hand, posture relaxed and turning to you.
"Nah. I think he was just having too much fun with Joong's kid and didn't want to come home."
"He literally threw a toy truck and could've injured someone in the process. Your kid's a brat, San," You joke.
He chuckles and shrugs smugly.
"What can I say? I'm rough like that. Only natural my kid would inherit it, too."
You have to reframe from rolling your eyes.
"But he's never cried this long, ever," You bring back the concern.
"Nor did he ever laughed that long. Did you see the grin on that little man when he was smothering Joong's kid?"
You know you shouldn't laugh, especially at the fact that your kid practically terrorized Hongjoong's and Christina's, but the grin on him and that bubbly giggle of his was for sure the cutest thing ever.
San continues, "I think he's just lonely."
"Pfft. He's only two. I don't know if he can even comprehend that."
"No. But he knows when he sees another kid."
"Okay fine, then maybe we can arrange another playdate again?"
San slowly nods, until a bright idea comes over and he has to hold back the smirk.
"Or?" You raise an eyebrow.
He's already dragging you by the wrist and heading to the living room, sitting himself down on the couch and pulling you onto his lap, arms tightening around your frame to keep in place.
Your gaze shifts to meet his and you see a knowing spark, full of lust.
"Or, we can give him a sibling. You know, just so we don't have to burden Hongjoong and Christina all the time."
a/n: I am writing this half asleep, but I just want to thank those who have always engaged with the story: leaving feedback, likes, and comments. y'all truly are the lights during my darkest days lmao. of course, I have a lot of regrets regarding the story, but I am just glad to be done with lol.
am excited to transition over to my other fic blacklist, so if any of you do keep up with that one, i'll see y'all over there 🤪✌ peaceeeeee
taglist: @baguette-atiny @mxnxmistic @sanshineeeeee @cookiechristie @atzcoke @knucklesdeepmingi @barbielibra @nctflix @sansonlygf