there is such a trauma to daughterhood. it comes from the lack of agency - not only from being born as a woman but existing in the world as a child. an oppression on top of an oppression. people make jokes about girls with daddy issues but nothing compares to the kind of trauma you recieve from having a complicated relationship with your mother. people talk about it so often. and it's one thing to have a mother who hates you which is always awful, but often it feels worse to have a mother who doesn't. to have a mother who is simply exhausted by the fact you were born. a mother who doesn't hate you, but loves her men more. a mother who maybe wanted to be a mom, once, and then came to realize what a thankless job it was. and she didn't want to hate you, but it was hard to love you and even harder to like you. a mother who doesn't hate you exactly, but never outgrows her desire to be attractive and beautiful and makes you her enemy in that way. or a mother who has nothing more to her than being a mother and clings to coddling you in a way thats suffocating. so many daughters develop deep empathy for the mothers because they were women, daughters, girls once. everyone deals with it differently. but at the end of it, you still need a mother and that is the most horrible and wretched part of all. the trauma of being alive, of being a woman, and of having a mother but still needing one. such a uniquely miserable feeling

leaders, deputies and healers (redraw)

huge, and I mean MASSIVE infodump under the cut, watch out!!

LEADERS

Palestar (she/her), Leader of Stormclan - Palestar’s backstory is one shrouded in mystery. All that is known about her ascent to leadership is that she killed the previous Stormclan leader - Creekstar - who was known as a callous tyrant. Rumours ooze around the festering wound that Creekstar left in her clan, and whilst her fellow leaders are viciously curious about the events that lead to her annointment as leader, Palestar is thoroughly tight-lipped about it all. 

Ouzelstar (he/him), Leader of Snowclan - A traditionalist and a shithead. Ouzelstar was a virulent warrior, intent on keeping his clan free from anything he believed would threaten the tradition that Snowclan had supposedly stood on for so many years. As leader, his cutthroat attitude has calmed a bit, mostly due to his fears over dividing his clan any further - though he is not above putting down cats he deems ‘lesser’, such as his deputy, Kestrel, whom he named Half-face. 

Dapplestar, (he/him) Leader of Gladeclan - The oldest of the leaders and a gentle soul. Dapplestar has had the fortune of leading Gladeclan through many of its most comfortable seasons, and as such has adopted a very mellow outlook on life. His indecisive attitude has troubled them, however, when choosing deputies. After struggling for many moons with cats who wanted to abuse power and ignore duties (or those who were very obviously just waiting for him to keel over), he sought guidance from his ancestors. Lionsong was appointed deputy after Starclan named him as the future saviour of the clan. Knowing that a prophecy has named Lionsong as his successor, and confident in his abilities to lead, Dapplestar is ready to retire and live out the last of his days in the warmth of his clan. 

Sandstar (they/them), Leader of Meadowclan - It is difficult to describe Sandstar without using the word ‘bitchy’. Taking their assessment at an exceptionally young age and then going on to become deputy and leader, Sandstar has earned the confidence and precedence they carry themselves with - not that it doesn’t annoy their fellow leaders somewhat. Despite all their pride and gumption, they regularly find themselves bored by the toils of leadership and often delegate their duties to their worrywart deputy, Ravenshine. They have two mates, Mothswoop and Appledawn. 

DEPUTIES

Bluehaven (he/him), Stormclan’s Deputy - In the aftermath of Creekstar’s rule and Palestar’s rise to power, Stormclan was weakened and divided. In-fighting began to stir between those who supported and those who opposed Palestar’s leadership, and to quell this discord Palestar appointed Bluehaven, one of her most outspoken opposers, as deputy. Despite his objections to her leadership, Bluehaven was shaken by Palestar’s decision, initially believing it to be a trick, and later, a test of his loyalty. He warmed up to his new role after Palestar made further efforts to rebuild her clan, including pardoning exiled cats and banning the murder of rogues (an action that Creekstar had permitted). Nowadays his relationship with Palestar is tense but professional - though there are rumours she only made him deputy because she knows he won’t usurp her like she had to Creekstar. 

Kestrel (he/him), Snowclan’s Deputy - Kestrel was born in Stormclan to Pineshadow and an unknown father. Not long before his apprentice ceremony, his mother fled their home, taking him to Snowclan. There, Ouzelstar took him in, whilst his mother was turned away into the frozen wilds. From a young age Kestrel demonstrated an intuition and selflessness beyond his age - he was left significantly scarred after defending his clanmate from a badger. Though most of his clanmates afforded him sympathy and admiration for this action, there were others who were angered by it - namely Ouzelstar, who would give Kestrel the warrior name ‘Half-face’. Kestrel went on to become deputy after Thawflank stepped down to care for his son and grieve his mate, and remained in the role long after this once Ouzelstar realised his competency far exceeded Thawflank’s (and he didn’t argue with him like Thawflank did). As deputy, he puts his duties above all else, especially any personal grudges he might harbour. 

Lionsong (he/him), Gladeclan’s Deputy - Lionsong suffered a rough childhood, one that he still occasionally blames himself for. Having lost both his parents at a young age, in different ways, Lionsong grew up under the guidance of his mentor, Brightnettle. As an adult, Lionsong has committed himself to serving his clan to the best of his ability, and is known by his clanmates to be resolute but compassionate - making him a perfect candidate for deputy. Having been named by Starclan as the ‘saviour of his clan’, Lionsong wonders what lies in his future, and whether his future role as leader could clash with the actions required of a hero. He has a mate named Ashfall. 

Ravenshine (she/her), Meadowclan’s Deputy - Born a kittypet and abandoned by her owners, Ravenshine struggled to adapt to a life of scavenging on the streets of her twoleg-place. She found Meadowclan after trying her luck hunting in the fringes of the town and stumbling across a border patrol. Desperate and hungry, she was prepared to fight these new, strange cats for her dinner, but was surprised when they invited her to their clan. She found the warrior life suited her well (though she is prone to sunburn more than the average Meadowclan cat, due to her lack of fur) and quickly earned the trust of Sandstar. She enjoys organisation and strategising, both of which make her suited to her role as deputy - though she does have a bad habit of over-worrying, something that isn’t helped by her leader’s lackadaisical antics. She has a crush on her clanmate, Flaxeneye. 

HEALERS

Lichenfrost (she/her), Stormclan’s Healer - Lichenfrost is unusually friendly for a Stormclan cat. She was apprenticed to Frostwhisker, a key figure in the turmoil Stormclan experienced under Creekstar’s leadership, until his brutal death at the claws of a clanmate. Lichenfrost was understandably devastated, having witnessed it with her own eyes, and struggled for many moons as her clan’s sole healer. Whilst the bright sting of shock has long since left, she still finds herself struggling under the weight of her grief from time to time, a feeling she mostly tries to battle with a warm smile and a good talk, and maybe only occasionally some poppyseed. 

Berrystem (she/her), Snowclan’s Healer - Berrystem apprenticed under Cedarsmoke, a quiet and often unsettling cat. Almost as soon as she had earned her name, he left the clan, saying goodbye only to her. As an apprentice, Berrystem was fiercely passionate about her duties, finding solace in healing clanmates and peace in having time to herself - not to mention, a small part of her was both humbled and thrilled by the importance of her role. As she got older, however, her devotion began to waver - and almost faltered completely when the Blight hit her clan. After the death of both her apprentice, Mumblepaw, and her brother’s mate, Tumblestone, Berrystem travelled to the Peak and begged her ancestors for something, anything she could do to save her clanmates. She was met with silence. Distraught and hopeless, Berrystem started avoiding her clanmates out of guilt, spending all her time in her den tending to the dying. When the Blight finally began to clear in the warmer months, the damage was done; their small clan was smaller and Berrystem believed it was all due to her. Losing her brother to his grief and her friends to their duties, Berrystem found an unlikely bond with the only other cat who felt ostracised from the clan; Martenfur. The two would soon form a warm friendship, with Martenfur often helping Berrystem fetch those herbs that were just a little too tall for her to reach. 

Littleshadow (she/her), Gladeclan’s Healer - Littleshadow became a healer far later in her life than most cats. She was 40 moons when the clan’s current healer, Duskfoot, died suddenly in a dog attack. Having been the only cat with a higher-than-average knowledge of herbs and remedies, Littleshadow stepped in to help her clan. Trained mostly by Beechbark, Littleshadow quickly learnt the ways of a healer and took up the role full-time - leaving her mate, Cindertail, behind. 

Beechbark (he/him), Meadowclan’s Healer - Beechbark is the oldest of the current healers, having outlived not only his mentor but the clan’s previous leader. Despite this, he refuses to pick an apprentice on the principle that none of his clan’s current young ‘uns show enough respect and diligence for his liking. His clanmates fear that he’ll die before taking an apprentice, and his clan will be left healer-less like Gladeclan had been. Little do they know, Beechbark fears that if his clan has a newer, younger healer then they’ll see no use for him, and usher him off to the elder’s den. He’s not ready to give up his role just yet. 

And as she wept before the grave, the first buds of the Woundtree stretched out around her and formed a bower to shelter her from the falling rain.

It’s tragic, it’s compelling. People understand it, they sympathise with it. It keeps us safe.

I hate her, quite a lot.

Everyone go listen to @thesiltverses NOW. i love Paige so much its not even funny

[ID: fanart of Paige Duplass from the Silt Verses kneeling with tree roots growing from her skin. Paige is a thin white woman with long, straight brown hair and brown eyes. She is nude with her hands twisted in the air above her head. Roots protrude from her flesh, tangling and twisting around her. White crocus flowers bloom from her mouth and one of her eyes, and the flowers frame her silhouette. She looks towards the camera with one anguished eye, a bloody tear gouged into the skin underneath. Where the roots touch her skin, her flesh is marked by deep, bloody wounds. End ID]

Cicadas

More of my ocssss look at them ok. Pose and expression practice and tbh just mostly Ger she’s just a funny little guy to draw.

Shiny Duo Soul Eater AU, anyone? :D Scarlet Pearl just really matches the vibe with the anime tbh

Reblogs appreciated!

NOOOO freddy don't say that!! You would never say that 💔💔💔💔💔

sorry for no arts been busy

sosodoesmakeup on ig

Aspd culture is listening to someone vent for the 100th time and telling them to kill themselves already cause they’re annoying as FUCK

Massive TW for sui talk here obviously

God this was tough to have pop up as a notification. Whilst I understand the frustration leading there, I can’t condone that kind of thing. I’ve spent way too much time su1c1d4l myself to encourage that. Even with ASPD, we need to be careful of what we’re saying to other people. If this was about thinking it, absolutely I could understand, but doing it? No that’s not ASPD-culture at least not in my eyes. Please don’t tell anyone to hurt themselves. Even if it’s just for the reason of legal liability, don’t do it.

Edit: someone noted a completely valid point here that saying this “isn’t ASPD culture” rather than simply saying that it’s triggering to me and I’m not comfortable having on my particular ASPD culture blog gives off the wrong idea, because this kind of thing does fit the definition of ASPD.

So just to clarify, what I meant here was more in line with the idea that it’s too serious and personal of an issue for me and I’m sure for some pwASPD too who have had this done to them for me to be posting to this blog. I in no way meant to invalidate this as a symptom, because it IS a part of ASPD to have these thoughts and actions. It’s just not something I want to encourage or platform here because of my personal triggers.

Apologies for phrasing it the way I did, it was a post done quickly and in a triggered state and wasn’t thought through as well as the posts I make usually are. In the spirit of honesty and accountability, I’ve added this edit rather than covering the original language. To avoid this issue in the future, I will be deleting posts discussing the action of (not the thought of) telling people to hurt/unalive themselves.

In no way is this apology saying I condone the actions here though. Acknowledging that they are a part of the experience a pwASPD may have with their symptoms is not the same as saying it’s okay, and part of the mistake I made in the first place was believing one was the same as the other.

I was told by the bestie to post this

I love circle! I love a blue!

he’s eating takis btw. .. just in case u were wondering..

thinking about gender affirmation in a furry/anthro world

trans anthro characters who are part of a sexually dimorphic species dyeing their feathers/fur for gender reasons!!

a trans male peacock taking hormones and getting to see all his fancy feathers grow in!!

imagine the possibilities

I think it's general knowledge at this point that Tsams Twitter and Tsams TikTok are very toxic sides of the fandom. Granted, Twitter and TikTok people are just nasty overall. But let me tell you, I didn't expect to experience that level of toxicity on Tsams Instagram.

I tend to ignore hateful comments about my OC x Canon, specifically my OC x Eclipse, art posts but overtime, they got so much worse. They have a problem with my OC because she's female and likes the color peach which is a "girly girl" color. They kept shoving it to me that Eclipse was implied canon gay, therefore, I am "homophobic" for erasing his sexuality to ship him with my female OC. That is a serious accusation to make and if that reaches the wrong audience, then I would have more people harassing me. They called me the r-slur, called my OC a prostitute slut because of her being feminine, and many more name calling to me and my OC.

TW mention of rape

But what really boggled my mind the most were these two comments of theirs:

Eclipse is so gay that he wouldn't even grape(censored word for rape in Instagram) you or your OC. (Seriously, wtf?)

Eclipse called Earth a whore. What made you think that he likes women at all? He couldn't have been more obvious. (They casually perpetuated the stereotype that all gay men are misogynistic. Again, wtf?)

It's safe to say that I might be moving to Tumblr at this point.

.