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exhaslo · 7 months

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Kinktober Day 14- Mafia!Grimmjow x Reader (Phone Sex)

*Requested by Reader*

Honestly, you should have known better than to get involved in dangerous situations. You should have known better, but when it was your vagina doing the talking, all sense left the window. You remembered the first time you saw Grimmjow. His tall and cruel dementor made your panties soaked. You were sure he had that effect with all the woman, so when Grimmjow started talking to you, you nearly died. Your heart almost leaped out of your chest when he asked for your name.

You should have known better when he gave you his number. Everything about him screamed trouble. So and so that you actually listened to your brain and ignored him. Grimmjow did not like that and started to peruse you. You, being so head over heels for the man you met just once, was all for the game. Eventually, you gave in and started to see Grimmjow whenever he was free. You should have known better, but god he was hot.

Eventually, you found out the truth, that Grimmjow was a member of the Espada mafia. He had his own branch family and people who worked under him. You were scared when you first found out. Grimmjow was close to bribing you to stay, but you were swayed by his words. He promised to protect you and keep you safe. That you were his and his alone. He always knew how to make your heart flutter.

"And then the customer had the gall to tell me that I was doing my job wrong! Like, ugh! I hate my job!" You cried, venting to Grimmjow as the two of you walked downtown. Grimmjow was on his phone with one arm around your shoulder,

"I told ya to quit. I can take care of ya, babe." He said lowly, barely paying attention. You huffed your cheeks out,

"I can't let you spoil me! I want to work!"

"Hm? Then work for me," Grimmjow put his phone away, smirking at your expression, "I can make good use of ya, babe. Nothin' that ya can't handle and of course...something only ya could do for me."

"G-Grimmjow! D-Don't say stuff like that in public!"

--------------

You truly considered Grimmjow's offer for a moment. You really hated your job and Grimmjow was just so charming. You knew what he was implying. He wanted you to be his fuck toy at work. The thought made you quiver with delight. You and Grimmjow had sex a few times already. He was so rough with you, but you loved each moment of it. The only reason you were afraid of taking his offer was because of his peers and lackeys.

They must have thought that you were just his sex relief for the time being. You heard them talk about it once. That you were just a temporary fuck for their leader. It hurt your feelings, but Grimmjow always made those thoughts go away. He always reassured you that you were only for him. There was no way any of this was fake. This relationship you had with him felt too real.

"Hey, (Y/n), I gotta go out for a job outta town. I trust ya to behave while I'm gone." Grimmjow wrapped his arms around your waist, inhaling your scent.

"Awe, how long will you be gone?" You whined, melting into his touch.

"Bout a week. So gimme some love before I go."

"Mhm, only if you promise-"

"I ain't promising shit."

------------

It was nearing the end of the week and you hadn't heard from Grimmjow. His job made you worry. Being part of the mafia was not something anyone could do. You've seen news reports of mafia members being killed from a trifle within families or life in prison. You were afraid of that happening to Grimmjow one day. You were afraid to tell him, but you loved Grimmjow. You just hoped he felt the same.

After a long and hard day at work, you were happy to see your apartment. A nice hot shower and some food was going to make you feel so much better. You really hated your job. Once you refreshed, you planted yourself on the couch for some television drama. Feeling your phone buzz, you cheered quietly seeing that it was Grimmjow.

"Grimm! Are you okay?!" Your tone full of worry.

"I'm fine, babe. Fuck, I wish I was there now, I need ya."

"Grimm?" You heard him panting for air, "Are you sure you're okay?" You asked once more.

"Yea, just lemme hear yer voice. I ain't there to make ya cry,"

"Oh!" You felt your cheeks burn up, "Y-You want me to-"

"Yea, I wanna hear yer voice. It will make me feel better."

How could you say no? Making your way to the bedroom, you crawled on the bed. It was the only place you could get horny, unless it involved Grimmjow. Putting the phone on speaker, you laid down and started to massage your breasts. Grimmjow wanted to hear you. Imagining Grimmjow's hands instead, you let out a whimper.

"Yer imagining me, right. Where are ya touchin'?" You could hear his smirk.

"My boobs,"

"Awe, my melons. Hehe, are ya pinching em nipples for me."

"Y-Yes."

You arched your back slightly as you did what Grimmjow said. You wanted Grimmjow here. You wanted him to touch you. You were never really good at doing it yourself.

"Start rubbin' yer clit, babe. I wanna hear ya moan." Grimmjow groaned.

You whined, wanting his touch. You took your panties off and placed your fingers over your sensitive bud. Just listening to Grimmjow giving you commands was making you wet. If only he were here to do something about it. You wiggled your hips as you started to moan. This was as far as you could go. Rubbing your clit until you cam.

"That's right, babe. Keep goin' lemme hear ya beg for me." Grimmjow chuckled, "Ya want my dick in ya, huh? I wanna hear ya say it."

"I-I do! Grimm, when are you coming back." You moaned, closing your legs as you felt your walls starting to clench, "I miss you."

"Soon, baby. Grab one of those toys ya got. Imagine my dick enterin' that slutty pussy of yours."

You arched your back, moaning as you reached your orgasm. You could hear Grimmjow chuckling, demanding more. You were hesitant, but you grabbed one of the dildos that you rarely used. Placing it on the bed, you hovered over it. You closed your eyes, listening to Grimmjow grunt and moan. He was masturbating too. Oh, how you wish he was here.

"Are ya ready, babe?"

"Y-Yes. I-It's mhm...g...going in..." You whimpered, sliding the dildo into your hole.

"Fuck, wish that was my dick, don't ya?"

"Y-Yes! Hah, Grimm!"

"Yeah, fuck yer self dumb imagin' that was me. Lemme hear yer voice."

You moaned loudly as you bounced on your dildo, listening to Grimmjow's voice. His low grunts, helping your imagination as if he were the one fucking you. Your bouncing started to slow down as you felt yourself about to burst. You whined, rubbing your clit, trying to chase your high.

"Grimmjow!" You moaned loudly.

"(Y/n)" Grimmjow cussed lowly as you cam, "Fuck, babe, I'm gonna make sure ya quit yer job for real. Need to have ya here with me."

"Hah, but..."

"No buts. Yer my girl. I'll be back soon, I'll call ya again to hear yer voice."

"Yes, Grimm."

You let out a low whimper as Grimmjow hung up. You shivered as you went to clean your dildo and yourself. Grimmjow was going to be home soon. That was all you needed to hear.

----------------

"Lemme hear ya louder. Need to make sure those fingers are doin' their job." Grimmjow chuckled darkly over the phone.

"Y-Yes, I-I ah...ah..."

"That's it, louder."

"G-Grimm...G-Grimm!" You cried out, trembling as you were reaching your first orgasm.

"Fuck, look at ya go." Grimmjow smirked as he opened your door, still on the phone, "Gonna make sure ya keep cryin' my name."

"G-Grimm!" You moaned, staring at him as you cam.

Grimmjow hovered over you, replacing your fingers with his. You grabbed onto his shoulders, trembling under his touch. Grimmjow took his phone and started to record. He placed the phone next to you, wanting to capture every single moment. Grimmjow sucked against your neck, his fingers pumped inside your pussy faster.

"Ya know, hearing ya so desperate over the phone was fuckin' delicious. I might make it a normal thing."

"B-But....I rather....have....ah~"

"Awe, ya rather have my dick fuck ya? How cute." Grimmjow chuckled, watching your face contort as you orgasmed again. Grimmjow licked his lips before finally giving you what you wanted, "No girl of mine is gonna be working at some shitty ass job."

"G-Grimm-" You cried as he shoved his dick inside your gummy walls.

"It ain't right of a mafia's woman to be workin'. Yer gonna be stayin' home waitin' for me, waitin' for ma call."

"Y-Yes!"

"Good. Let's call em now."

You arched your back as Grimmjow ruthlessly pounded your pussy. He reached for your phone, enjoying your moans getting louder as you squeezed his cock more. He called your job, smirking as your job answered.

"Go ahead. Quit." Grimmjow placed the phone by you, thrusting faster.

"A-Ah~ I-I....I....q-quit!" You cried out, reaching another orgasm. Grimmjow loved the look on your face, all cock drunk and fucked out of your mind.

"What do you mean you quit? The hell is that noise?" Your boss yelled. Grimmjow chuckled darkly as he filled you,

"Awe, looks like (Y/n) can't think anymore. She fuckin' quits." Grimmjow said as you became a moaning mess. He grabbed your phone, hanging up before returning to your fucked out expression, "Can't wait for tomorrow."

"G-Grimm~"

------------------

When you finally came too and realized that you quit, you were a little mad at Grimmjow. You easily forgave him after he treated you to dinner and a deep fuck. You became his house wife, engulfing him with phone sex almost every day. Grimmjow kept saying that you were the one who liked it, but really...He was the one who loved it. Your sweet desperate cries for him just turned him on more. And he was sure to keep you wanting him.

#kinktober #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #grimmjow smut #grimmjow x you #grimmjow x reader #bleach grimmjow

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fl3shm4id3n · 1 year

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ₗₒₗₗᵢₚₒₚ ₚᵢₙₖ

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐥𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞, 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐞��𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦.

ᴅᴇᴊᴀ ʙʟᴜ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ʙɪᴍʙᴏ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ), ɪᴍᴘʟɪᴇᴅ ʀᴇᴄᴏᴍ ᴘʀᴀɢᴇʀ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ʙɪᴍʙᴏ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

Tw: reader is obliviously nice, mentions of zombies, killing zombies, some team mate discrimination?, Prager being nice to reader.

A/N: Idk if anyone knows or has played with game, I wanted to write something involving reader being like Juliet. Ik it's short but meh I couldn't think much to add.

Masterlist

When the team had heard of a new team member joining them, when they saw you, they thought it was a joke. You were probably some daddy's girl who wanted to play military and got what you wanted. They did not take you seriously at all. You were nice to everyone you came across, others weren't as nice to you. They often tease you for being a bimbo, but you didn't seen to mind since you've been called worse before.

Not only that but you hated being in the base, you wanted to go with your team out in the forest and stuff, but you were always stuck doing paper work. It was boring, sometimes you wish you stayed on earth killing zombies instead of doing office work. After you finished your work, you'd be making paper airplanes or just draw with your pink glitter pen. You also hated hearing the people around you saying how you must be an easy lay or betting on who can get you to sleep with them. Sometimes you regretted accepting this job.

Even your team treated you as if you were a dumb child, who needed supervision. Majority of the time you'd be on your own doing your own thing, your team never seemed to invite you to do stuff. When you'd ask if they wanted to do something with you, they'd always tell you that maybe next time, but there was never a next time. You understood that they didn't want to hang out with someone like you, but that's okay.

That day was just a regular day on the base, you were in the recom's breakroom sitting by yourself while the others did there thing. They'd come in and out, you'd say your good morning but they didn't, how rude of them. You were busy painting your nails a bubble gum pink then you heard someone approach you.

"Hello" you looked up and saw that it was Prager, you looked behind you then back at him. "You're talking to me?" you pointed at yourself, he nodded. "I don't see anyone else here but you" he said with a smile, making you laugh a bit. "Sorry, no one really talks to me unless for work purposes" you mentioned. "How have you been? Sit down" you offered, Prager sat down on a chair next to you. "I've been fine, these last few days were okay... how about you?" he asked. "Oh just the regular. Being stuck in here and filling out paper work, it's boring." You pouted.

It went quiet for a moment, but Prager talked again. "I'm sorry about them..." he said, looking down at his feet. "Don't be sorry, if they didn't want me in the team then they should complain to the people who hired me." You said with a smile. "I know but, regardless you're part of the team and we should treat you as such." He commented shyly. You couldn't help but think how cute he was. "It's fine, don't worry about it" you mentioned kindly. "Ya know what, we should be friends" you said, making Prager look at you. "I-I'd like that" he said almost shyly. You smiled widely then reached into the pocket of your skirt. "Here is a little something, I know it isn't big, but I hope you like it." You got his big blue hand and placed a lollipop on his palm. He looked at it for a moment then smiled at you. "Thank you, I appreciate it." He commented.

ₙₑₓₜ ₚₐᵣₜ

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pommunist · 1 month

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Honestly, I've been very scared to keep posting about the situation, since I don't want people who follow me to think I'm ''too negative'' or judge me when I'm not remaining as positive as before, or to bring negative posts to dashes of people that I know are very stressed about this. And I appreciated before how you are a safe place for neg thoughts, so I'm here to vent a little bit if that's okay.

My experience since the reveal can be described as a rollercoaster that only has been going down.

I was incredibly stressed when Lèa revealed everything, but remained hopeful that things could change for the better. I had trust.

At first, the next few days after that, I thought the leaks of the changes made were odd since they looked like they lacked context, and the lack of context could lead to fandom outrage, which I was worried about at the time. Why was I worried? Well, I still had trust right things were in progress to be done. Looking back into that, while we got the context later on and it reassured me then, not jumping into immediate conclusions and waiting for more points of views was more my way of protecting my mind from spiraling further into distress, all while knowing full well that Lèa has only acted with the best intentions and none of this was in bad faith.

Then we get hit with this: Admin after admin are leaving, and it gets to the point that Lumi and Shade leave, because the communication never existed in that workplace and priorities were proved to be incredibly out of place. My trust was B R O K E N. And like I promised an anon back then, I finally allowed disappointment to sink in.

And why was my trust broken? Fun fact: When it matters to me, I have good memory, and I remember Q's statements. The words and the actions are not matching.

- He said that he was going to collect testimonies and investigate. Ah yes, the investigation tactic of not contacting anyone in the workplace and actually gathering their testimonies, I heard it's a good source of information to make important changing decisions /srcsm.

- He said the CCs were being updated about the changes. Then we see CCs saying they actually don't know shit going on bts except for a couple of general announcements.

And there may be other stuff that does not match, but those two are the most relevant to me right now.

Like, genuinely I didn't even care about whatever the fuck Q said after Lumi and Shade's statements, and any other post that tries to reassure the fanbase just feels like very hopeful thinking, that I used to have, but I DON'T anymore. It feels like false promises and looking for things that make sense, when, really, that shouldn't be our job. At this point I need tangible proof of improvement, not just words because these fucking words have proved to not be enough for me to believe whatever the fuck Q says it's being done.

I can't even trust fully that the merch money will actually go to payment for the remaining admins and compensation for the ones who left. That would be the best case scenario, but can I even TRUST this scenario to occur? Right now, no, I don't think so, I have not been given proof to trust this. And seeing any merch with Pomme, Dapper or Ramon in the Qsmp Awards just felt extremely wrong and I hated it.

When you are a Huevito, this has been wild: First, Artea leaves, and then, Shade reveals to us that Ramon's OG admin was fired around the time Artea took the role, while this entire time most of the Huevitos thought the OG admin was back around the last days of february. It feels worse when you can connect the dots about what happened with Ramon's OG admin, when we know that he was extremely busy with school last time we saw him, and we consider Lèa saying how management would fire you if you were not active enough...

Must clarify, all the love to BOTH Ramon's OG admin and Artea, they both killed it with the role, they are both wonderful people and I wish the best to them and the new Ramon admin that was with us at the beginning of march aswell. Also all the love to them. Must be hard to play a character that was played and developed by two different people before, and the effort is deeply appreciated.

I also feared to say the above since I was scared to spread misinformation somehow. But honestly, I'm trusting Shade's words, you know, the one who's best friend irl with Ramon's OG admin should know full well what they are talking about and the status of employment of said best friend.

And when you have been a ghostie for months since basically the beginning: This shit SUCKS and people are SO EXTREMELY VALID for being upset and grieving.

I think no company should ghost their employees even when they are ACTIVELY TRYING TO REACH OUT. Fucking paranoia of leaks ain't cutting it for me as an excuse for this mistreatment and I don't blame Lumi and Shade at all for taking the decision that was healthier for themselves after that. Just a ''we can't say much right now due to legal reasons, but we are still slowly working on it'', LITERALLY JUST THAT HAD TO BE SAID, WDYM NOT EVEN THAT.

The french community have every right to be angry after this. The CCs stated they were leaving if Lumi left, and that's an entire language going away from the server. Yeah, no shit they are upset.

And I want to just grab Bad by the shoulders and say YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PLAY ON THE SERVER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, YOU ARE CLEARLY DISTRESSED, DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND WELL BEING, WE UNDERSTAND.

Of course I want this to turn out for the best, like everyone. I believe the basis of this project was a wonderful idea, and I'm grateful for the positive things it had brought. But this shit is not being resolved the right way, as we could see. And with Q seemingly no understanding the underlying issue, then why would I remain as hopeful as before.

Another fun fact: When you break my trust, it's really fucking hard to gain it back or for that to happen in the first place, so.

I have stated that my hyperfixation to Qsmp has died out, since I decided to keep my distance in order to collect my thoughts, reflect, breathe and do what's best for myself. Nowadays I only would watch two specific CCs play, but if at some point they decide to leave, which I would not blame them if it reached that point, then that would be it for me. I would be done with it. I don't blame the people who also feel this way or the ones who think it is already over.

If I'm only staying here it's purely for love for this community. In the anniversary, I could not bring myself to say happy birthday to the Qsmp, I said happy birthday to Qsmpblr instead. I love the people I have met and interacted with here dearly. Even if our opinions don't match, because hope and trust have left me, the love is still there, you know?

That would be everything I wanted to get out of my chest, sorry for the big text and angry rambling. I would prefer to stay anonymous for this one. Take care, Pommunist.

Hey anon ! I don’t really know what to say in response to all this, just that I agree with most of what you just said here.

The feeling of being afraid that you’re being too negative too often ahah big same here ! I didn’t think my blog would turn into what it is when i made it, and I felt many time like I was bothering people with my frequent posts on the situation (I also know I’m not the best at tagging stuff I promise I try my best though !).

We have to remember that we aren’t being negative for fun or drama, we are just talking about a situation that is negative so of course this isn’t going to be fun and rainbows. And personally I’d rather do that than « faire l’autruche » as we say in french (Translation would be : to do the ostrich aka to put your head in the ground so you can ignore your problems), as it is too serious of an issue .

Also using your post to express my admiration and gratitude to Ramon’s OG admin and Artea because they both did an amazing job playing him and shaping him into the character we love so much (Our beautiful baby boy).

And yes, the community is great ! Even if you don’t feel like watching the server or at least less than before, we should still interact with the wonderful people thanks to it ! Also, keep sharing fanarts, fanfics, anything ! the artists are blessing us with wonderful art and stories they still deserve our support ! I understand people who do but we don’t have to stop talking about something we love altogether if we don’t want to, the things that made us like it are still here, at the end of the day we can keep that love at least.

My thoughts are so disjointed here anon I’m sorry but lots of love to you ! As someone who was hyper fixated on it too, the fall from grace was particularly painful, can relate 😣

I’ll reiterate that I don’t mind anons at all, you don’t have to justify yourself ! It just makes a bit sad the number of people who told me they didn’t feel like they could express their thoughts publicly.

Take care too ! ♥️

#qsmp discourse

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foggymartin · 8 months

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It's always awful to see pretentious twats on the news, but especially when they talk about things they've had no experience in. Seeing upper class, Christian men go on and on about how we should make Britian a "Christian" place again is out of this world. Seeing upper class (and let's be real, probably Christian) men talk about how people in poverty should just *work in these shitty jobs provided by our fucked government and earn minimum wage* because what are they going to do? They basically don't have a choice. Seeing *upper class christian men* talk about women's rights, gay peoples rights, people of colours rights, like it's some kind of epic tale in a book. They have no fucking idea what they're talking about, for any of it.

Christianity is a fucked religion (controversial, I know) with again, pretentious twats speaking the "words of God" which are a load of shit. Most of the time it's used as an excuse to be a homophobe or a sexist. Okay, David, why don't we follow every single rule ever put into that musty book? Why don't we tell left handed people they're going to hell? Or tell people who are mean that they're going down there? Why is it gay people? Correct me if I'm wrong, the Bible stated "man must not sleep with *boy*" and not "man must not sleep with man." You know, because pedophila feels like more of a crime then *gay people.* just a hunch. Commenting "Jesus loves you" or "find god" on any post that is someone different. An alternative person. It's so stupid. Why do you care? Follow your little religion and fucking leave us alone.

Poverty is a huge problem across the ENTIRE world, and I'm sure that speaks in volumes about how fucked up of a world we are. The fact that these people who are fighting to survive every day are being told to "just work" by people who never had to work a day in their life for shit is infuriating. Upper class people in general irritate me. I think it's the arrogance that they have. They're a bit.. Snobbish, you know? Even from just teenage girls being naive and laughing at poorer kids for not having an iPhone, to rich adults looking down on these people with such disgust. Seriously viewing these human beings as less then their pretty little £1000 poodle. What the fuck. The government taxes people - taxes the poor people who literally can't afford it if they want to eat. And just the normal people. Why not tax the rich more? People say "oh, we do tax them." Not as much? Do they need all that money? Do they really? Why can't they lend some of that "well earned" (passed down from generations) money to people who need it. I'm sure they'll live.

People on the news talk about women and gay people like they're a shit stain on a wall, but I'm sure the stain would get better rights. It's debates about women's rights to give birth, women's rights to wear what they please, women's rights to turn down a man. Literally fucking anything a woman does is shit on by society. Gay people are debated - should being trans be allowed? Is being gay a sin? Hmm, such tricky questions... Why not just let them live? People point out "oh, that school shooter was trans" or "that rapist was gay" not to say that school shootings or rape cases are bad, no no, just to shit on the LGBTQ community. Nobody points out that a school shooter was a white man. Why don't we just say "that school shooter was a horrible person who deserves to die" and not focus on the community they were a part of? Maybe mourn the lives lost instead of rejoice in the fact that you've got new things to hate the LGBTQ community for.

What a pleasant world we live in, huh? I could go on more, but I wont. I'll probably spiral into a ton of stuff about capitalism and why it should be torn to the ground.

Jesus Christ, I wrote more than intended. Happy reading

#politics #anti capitalism #anarchism #poverty #punk #uk politics #government #corrupt government #corrupt cops #christianity #anti christianity #homophobia #anti homophobia #feminism #right wing arseholes

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gilbirda · 1 year

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I'll cover you in Moonlight

Galas were usually hell on earth, at least for Jason, but this time there was something different. There was a giant goddess mingling with the crowd, and he needed to know her name. And then the party was crashed by some weirdos wearing armor.

For DPxDC Week!

Day 7: Security Breach

NOW WITH SOME ART

Based on @stealingyourbones's post

[Read on AO3]

---

She was the most beautiful woman in the ballroom.

Not that he took notice of those things - he was usually so busy between crime fighting and keeping up with whatever bullshit job at WE Bruce was training him to do that he didn’t have time to even think about romance or even a simple hook up.

It had been a miracle he was attending the stupid gala in the first place. He wanted to sleep for a thousand years and eat some Batburgers and binge watch a TV series. This was supposed to be his weekend off.

But she was making it worth it.

“Just talk to her.”

Dick had been watching him watch her for a while, but neither had said anything. Jason had expected a comment or a jab or a joke or maybe calling the others to make fun of him for showing interest in anybody at all. But Dick’s voice was smooth and quiet, as if he didn’t want to break the calm bubble they were in.

“Ok.”

“Do it now.”

“Ok.”

Dick continued to watch him, he felt his eyes looking at his face. Jason took a sip of his champagne flute (why the hell was he drinking that shit, he hated champagne) and continued to watch the giant goddess talking and laughing with a group of people on the other side of the ballroom.

“If you don’t talk to her, how will you get her number?”

“She’s not from high society but has been invited as a guest with that group of people - that’s Arkham’s new director and her assistant, so she must know them. It would be a matter of cross referencing the guest list with Arkham’s staff and-”

“Yeah, yeah. You could also walk up to her and ask her to dance.”

Jason finally looked away from the towering figure of that woman. Dick’s smile was so bright he regretted humoring the conversation.

“I don’t dance.”

“What if she wants to dance?”

He would dance, of course. If that meant having her arms around him, he would dance.

But he didn’t say it. He sipped his champagne and turned back to watch her walk away from the group she had been in and gracefully weave between the other people towards the food table.

“Go! This is your chance.”

Without looking back, he gave his flute to his brother and made his way to where she was browsing through the selection of fancy foods and stupid canapés, her lower lip between her teeth.

“If you want recommendations, I suggest the mushroom stuff. They added a bit of lemon juice and that really makes a difference.”

Why the fuck was he babbling about food?

She seemed to find it funny, though, since she giggled.

“Oh, thanks! I don’t really go to events like these and I wasn’t sure what to try.” She picked up the thing he suggested and took a bite, testing if she liked it. Her eyes lit up as she chewed. “It’s good!” The tall goddess stuffed the rest of the canapé in her mouth and happily chewed. Once she swallowed, she turned to properly look at him, her hand extended. “Thanks! I’m Jasmine, by the way.”

Fitting. She also smelled like flowers.

He took her hand, taking note of her long and pointy black nails. It was unusual to see these if you weren’t in the goth scene.

“Jason,” her grip was firm and strong. Good. “I hope you are not getting bored to death, because I always do at these things.”

She politely smiled before going back to picking more food to eat. She started to pile them in a plate she had on her other hand, one after the other. Was she this hungry? He didn’t blame her, the party had been in full swing for a while and some people even arrived earlier to mingle. That’s why he always wanted to be late, less chances for social interaction.

“These are good too,” she moaned, biting on a fancy cheesy… something. Jason hadn’t tasted those yet. “Wanna try?” She offered when she saw him looking at her.

Jason looked at the canapé she extended to him, one corner bitten and with faint lipstick smudges, and decided to jump for it.

He bit on the offered food, eyes fixed on hers, his lips barely brushing her fingers.

Jasmine blushed, entranced, until she jumped as if she just realized she was staring at his lips.

“Um…”

Did she notice he was hitting on her yet?

“So, what do you usually do for fun at these parties?” She went back to eating her selected assortment of foods. “Dancing?”

“Among other things.” He nodded. “Others prefer to flaunt their riches and brag about business deals.”

Jasmine snorted. “Well, I don’t have either of those, so…”

Maybe it was how she didn’t care if she spoke with her mouth full, or how her lipstick was almost completely rubbed off, but he found it adorable.

“Wanna dance, then?” It was out before he registered his words. He refused to glance at his brother, who was probably watching, and give him the benefit of being right about the dancing thing.

That’s how he ended up dancing with an Amazonian goddess. It wasn’t that bad, the dance was easy and he could really focus on her arms around him and how her touch made his skin burn. She smiled down at him, not bothered by the looks some people were throwing at them.

“For a big guy you really dance well.”

He made her do a twirl, successfully pulling her into his arms and then twirl back away with the rhythm of the music.

“Dancing with those heels cannot be easy either,” he looked down at her feet, where indeed her five inch heels should make dancing difficult. He loved that she wore heels even though she could probably tower over everyone in the room without them.

“I have practice and good balance control,” she said with a smirk. Her smile was so kissable.

“Oh? Is that so?”

Jason took advantage of the last twirl and when he caught her, he dipped her as far as he dared. Her dress had a heart shaped neckline that accentuated her chest as she curved her body with the movement, indeed her balance making it a smooth transition even though she wasn’t expecting it. He couldn’t look away from the exposed skin, his eyes traveling from the soft curve of her bosom-

Okay, maybe he should stop reading Austen before bed.

“My eyes are up here.”

He blushed at being caught, quickly setting her back on her own two heeled feet. At least she didn’t look angry.

“I know I’m tall, and it doesn’t help when my boobs are at people’s eye level.”

“It helps that such a pretty dress highlights your chest area.”

He should really think before he opens his damn mouth. Really. One does not simply speak to a pretty lady about her boobs like that. He was a gentleman, he at least wanted to ask her to dinner before bringing up her boobs.

Jasmine laughed. “I like your honesty. Is refreshing.” The music band was starting another song. “Do you wanna continue dancing?”

He didn’t want to, but if that extended his time with her-

“I could really use a breather, if you don’t mind.”

He nodded. He would follow her anywhere she wanted.

Conversation came easier as they made their way past the groups of people dancing and talking and shaking hands, and Jason gradually felt more relaxed. Jasmine was pretty, tall, strong and very smart, and she liked to talk about anything and everything. He listened as she rambled about some movie she had seen recently, apparently a remake, and that conversation somehow was related to a Disney Princess analysis she did for college, and that she was still pissed off about her professor not giving her full marks for it.

It was around the time she was listing the reasons that said professor shouldn’t be allowed to teach anymore that they finally got outside to the pretty balcony that overlooked a well kept garden. It was bright tonight, the moon almost completely full, and the way its rays hit her was almost magical - maybe he was being a big sap and his judgment was clouded, but her skin glowed under the moonlight.

“Ah~” She sighed, taking in the cold Gotham’s night air. “Feels nice.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s so beautiful here. The garden looks so pretty at night.”

“Yeah. So pretty.” He wasn’t looking at the gardens.

Quiet was fine as well for him. He watched as Jasmine basked under the rays, eyes closed, showing the makeup she had on her eyelids. It was shimmery, highlighting her teal eyes when she had them opened, with a few layers of mascara to show off her long lashes.

It was a shame that she didn’t have more of that pretty burgundy lipstick, it looked good on her.

“My eyes are up here.” She smiled.

He had been caught staring at her lips. He looked up at her teal eyes, mesmerized with how they reflected the moon.

Beautiful.

Jasmine blushed and looked away. “Thank you.”

Oh shit, he said that out loud. “Um…” Time to improvise. “I wanted to… Well, if you want to, but If you want to meet? Outside this place.”

She looked amused. “Are you asking me out?”

“Yeah? For coffee, maybe?”

Her smile was wide, with many white teeth. She seemed to glow more than before.

“I’d love to!”

They exchanged numbers and continued talking about anything and everything, coming back inside once the cold became too much to be comfortable in. The food table was always at reach, and Jazz seemed to always be munching on tiny food. He didn’t comment on it, but made a note about it.

“And then Danny decided to be a little shit about it, and hid my books-” She stopped mid phrase, glancing up as if her name had been called.

“Everything okay?”

“It’s just… I thought I heard-” She looked at the ceiling, then at the door, then at the floor-to-ceiling windows at the back. “Jay?”

She sounded tense. “Yes?” He glanced around too, just in case.

“Please know I really enjoyed my time with you.”

That was ominous.

“Ok?”

“Also I may have been followed here by people that want me dead.”

“Ok???” He pulled out his phone to text the others, in case there was a threat. He didn’t need to be sneaky since Jazz, as she insisted to be called, was distracted by… taking off her shoes?

Just as he managed to text a “we have a situation” in the batfam group chat, Jazz put her shoes in his hands.

“Hold these for me? They were expensive and I don’t want to lose them.”

He was confused, but nodded.

The lights went out, a cold breeze sneaking into the room. Someone started screaming, and soon panic filled the otherwise peaceful party. His first instinct was to grab Jazz and run for it, but she wasn’t where he last saw her.

The breeze quickly turned into a full on gale, the noise taking away the voices of the screaming guests. His eyes adjusted a little to the change of lighting, the moonlight coming from the windows enough to guess the shapes of people and tables as Jason moved around them towards the nearest exit, ready to rush to the Manor and suit up in record time.

Someone else screamed, but it didn’t sound human - it was a weird pitch, and had static noises overlapped, like it was coming from a broken radio.

“Where is the Princess?”

There was a growl. It didn’t even sound human either.

Lights came back on, just in time to see-

It was a giant wolf, he was completely sure about that, the thing that tackled the floating figure wearing armor. The wolf moved with the speed and agility expected in a creature of its build, its size not at all a burden as it jumped to the next floating glowing person. The other creatures, around fifteen or twenty of them, all wearing armor, withdrew their swords and screamed a battlecry before lunging at the wolf.

He was about to wonder how on earth a wolf sneaked into the party venue, when he noticed that the wolf was wearing clothes - a dress he had been looking at the whole night.

He glanced at the heels still in his hands. It wasn’t difficult to make the connection.

He wanted to freak out, he really wanted to freak out at the knowledge that he had been trying to flirt with some kind of werewolf - not the weirdest thing he had ever seen, mind you - but in that moment he witnessed how one of the floating armored people just… phased through a wall and came back from the ceiling.

Ghosts, was his first thought. Made sense - floating, phasing through walls, glowing and wearing old timey clothes.

But Jasmine wasn’t a ghost, and yet her attacks ripped through the armor pieces like butter, although that may have more to do with her sharp claws.

Jason gulped, entranced by the display. She was efficient and quick on her feet, she was used to this. She was also used to fighting with that form - she used her claws to pin down one of the soldiers and her big maws to chomp down on their heads, ripping apart the bodies like they were nothing.

It was brutal. It was beautiful.

“Jason!”

He turned to find Tim on his left. He looked nervously at the fight, one hand grasping his arm to drag him away.

“We have to go. Bruce is on his way to the cave.”

This made him snap out of it. Whatever was happening here, Batman shouldn’t be involved.

“No. No, wait.”

“We have to move!” Tim tried to pull him harder, but Jason planted his feet firmly on the floor. He looked around, finding that the room had been completely evacuated with him being the only ‘civilian’ left.

“I know what’s going on.”

This made his brother stop. “You do?”

He licked his lips, unsure of what he should say. Jazz didn’t explain anything, just that these people wanted her dead and had followed her there; but they called her ‘Princess’, so something else must be going on.

“Yes. I know who the wolf is.”

Tim narrowed his eyes, glancing at the heels still in his hands. Tim didn’t see him with Jasmine, he was sure, but he could see the gears spinning behind his eyes.

“Fine, but you have to deal with B later.”

“Deal.”

With that, he was left behind with the fight still going on. Jasmine noticed him standing there, watching, and rushed to his side with a few powerful leaps, picking him up with one arm and pressing him against her body in time to leap away from a green blast.

“Why are you still here?” Her voice was distorted, deeper, a rumble coming from deep inside her chest. He could feel the vibrations through their clothes.

“Why do they want to kill you?”

“No time to explain!” She jumped again, the sensation not unlike being launched upwards with the grapple. “You have to go!”

“I can help. Throw me.”

“What!?” A growl weaved with her voice. It was the wrong moment, they were dodging the attacks from the soldier ghosts; but he couldn’t help but feel the shiver at the sound of her voice, at the sight of her sharp canines so close to his face.

“There are a lot of them and only one of you. I can help.”

“Do you think you can punch a ghost?” She confirmed they were, indeed, ghosts.

“I’ve punched worse things.”

Jazz jumped behind a turned over table and held him in front of her for a moment. He felt his face warm at the sheer size of her claws (paws?) under his arms, the sharp points barely digging on his suit jacket. He now had a chance to properly see her face, the long snout full of dangerous teeth, the same teal eyes he had gazed upon under the moonlight, the ears twitching and moving, hearing sounds that were outside the human range.

He wanted to touch her, check that the fur in the same shade of orange-red as her hair was as soft as it looked like.

“Let me help you.” He extended a hand, placing it on the side of her face. It was very soft.

Jazz leaned into the touch, a loud purr blooming in her chest.

“Alright. Are you ready?”

“Throw me in, chief.”

She found it funny. Her laugh was beautiful even in this form.

Jazz jumped from their cover, her grip secure around him as she got ready to launch him at the closest ghost. Jason had one last chance to enjoy her closeness before he was thrown like a ball at high speed at the unsuspecting soldier.

They clearly didn’t expect him coming, and he used that to his advantage, especially when his fists successfully made contact with their bodies.

It became a dance, not unlike the one they had a while ago - Jazz would literally rip their armors off, rip some limbs as well if she could, and kick them in his general direction before jumping to the next one.

Could ghosts be killed? He wondered, seeing them recover from torn heads and limbs like nothing. In any case, he didn’t hold back, deciding to roll with it and improvise like he always did. It was an easier job after he stole a sword and started stabbing and cutting until they didn’t bounce back as easily as at the beginning.

Soon, one of them, probably the leader, did the smart thing and called for retreat. They left as quickly as they came, leaving him and Jazz alone in the thrashed and empty ballroom. At least he got to keep the cool ghost sword.

“We should go.”

Jazz nodded. “Batman will be here any minute.”

There was something in the way she said his name that it made him turn to look at her. She was still in wolf form, her dress ripped and stained with green blood from her attackers.

“I assume you don’t want to stay and chat?” She shook her head. “Take me with you.”

She was so expressive even in this form. “Why?”

Why, indeed. He tried to think of an excuse, a valid reason why he had to accompany her wherever she was going, but in the end the answer was way simpler.

“I want to be with you.”

She didn’t blush, he wasn’t sure she could while in this form, but she awkwardly looked away. “Ok,” her voice was small. Cute. “I have to explain anyway.”

She had to explain, but he also had to explain a few things, especially if he was supposed to do a report on what happened and why he knew her. Bruce wouldn’t let it go, he was positive.

This was going to get so messy come morning, but for now, he wanted to go back to enjoying the moonlight with this woman.

The wolf woman chuckled from deep inside her chest and opened her arms. “Hop in, hot stuff.”

He rushed it, eager to get back close to her, grabbing her heels from where he threw them before the fight and securing his grip on the sword before letting her pick him up like he weighed nothing.

It wasn’t until they were soaring over the gardens, thanks to a powerful leap from the balcony, that he didn’t see the others completely suited up arriving at the venue. They saw him as well, eyes big and mouths open at the sight of the giant wolf in a cocktail dress carrying him away into the night.

He waved at them with the sword, just to be a little shit.

---

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#dpxdc #dp x dc #dc #dp crossovers #DP/DC WEEK 2022 #batman #danny phantom #anger management ship #jazz/jason #jazz x jason #tall!jazz #werewolf!jazz

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charmingpplincardigans · 10 months

Text

IT IS TIME...to make an old-fashioned embarrassing text post like those days of yore before my old therapist started doing CBT.

So, I started an OK Cupid account. It’s kind of a big step, and also something I’ve been joking about for more than a year. Just any time something funny or self-deprecating (or vaguely dirty) came up I’d be like ‘putting that on the OKC profile!’ In the end my OKC profile is pretty tame. Maybe too tame really. I should probably rewrite my bio so I sound nerdier and more romantic or something.

ANYWAY. The point is, it’s scary, knowing that in order to be loved you must submit to the ordeal of being known or whatever, but I took a tiny step which feels like a huge step after ten eleven years of singlehood and touch starvedness. Now I just need someone to message me so I can take another small terrifying step and meet them. And so on and so on. It’s just fear all the way down with me when it comes to intimacy. IT’S FINE. I EMAILED A POSSIBLE THERAPIST THIS EVENING.

Last weekend I met with a friend who just graduated library school and talked to her about how to find a job and such. It was cathartic, and also heartening. I really do have a lot of practical skills from the work I’ve been doing for fifteen years now. She said I have experience with things they didn’t even really learn in grad school, that she’s had to learn on the job. That makes me feel a little better. I still worry about how glutted the librarian market is up here, but there really are a ton of library jobs to apply for in all different industries, so I’ll probably find something that will pay me enough and not murder me eventually.

(My Indeed email today had a listing for a Digital Archivist for the MFA but the pay only went up to $49K??? THAT’S LESS THAN THE TOO LITTLE I’M MAKING NOW. God I’d love to work at the MFA though. CAN YOU IMAGINE? Do I just apply anyway and then be like, just kidding, I want $70K, thanks.)

I’ve also been using they/them pronouns at work with select people. Mostly with my boss and within the Queer ERG channels. And I guess with my grand boss, who guessed it all on her own through a series of slightly hilarious events. I’m not demanding anything, and I still have they/she in my signature because I hate rocking boats and know that I’m femme a lot of the time so I know how people will see me and I don’t want to fight with everyone ever about it and yada yada. Maeve says that’s stupid. She’s probably right, but like. Maybe if I find a new therapist they can help me work through that. I’ve been taking up more space lately, but still not as much as a person probably should.

Like I said, baby steps.

Anyway, my boss saw me list myself as they/them in an ERG meeting this morning and during our one-on-one later she said she was proud of me for all of the hard, scary stuff I’ve been doing lately. (Which she knows about because we talk about work approximately half the time when we talk.) It feels silly to be proud of it all, because most people do this at like, 20, right? All of it. Being able to date, knowing who you are, knowing what kind of job you want. But because she’s a good person she reminded me that when I was 15 and 20 I wasn’t in places where it was safe to make some of these decisions, or even if it was, I didn’t have the support for them. So yeah, I’m proud of it all.

In the last twenty-five years I’ve gone from suicidal to ambivalent to apathetic to super depressed to figuring it out to figuring it out to figuring it out. I’m still figuring it out. But I have an excellent support system. I have people who love me and want to know the whole me. Want me to know the whole me. I have tools to help myself emotionally. I have hope.

I can lament over the lost time, or I can look ahead with a mind to make use of all the time I have left. I maybe got here a little bit after everyone else. I may still be working toward it, but I’m here and I’m working. I’m doing hard, scary things, and that’s what being alive is all about, right?

#no one cares kl #kl has perfectly reasonable feelings actually #they just ummmmmm fluctuate

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angelosearch · 2 months

Note

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~) 🌈🌈

First off, thanks for this! ❤️ yaaaay an ask game!!!

Second... OH MY GOD five things Iike about myself?! This is going to be hard. But my therapist would be so happy to know I've been given this challenge, haha.

And of course, I have to provide details and addendums to these because I have to treat everything like a personal essay. Ugh.

I am a loud cringe nerd

I have fun facts for days, if not weeks

Music is my religion

I bet I can make you laugh

I understand my narrative

Longer answers under the cut.

I am not afraid to show enthusiasm/honesty and be loud. You know the part of your brain that tells you to not do embarrassing/cringe/over-the-top-thing before you do it? I am not going to try and diagnose it but that literally does not exist for me. I will sing along loudly to songs in public; I am the person at a wedding who never leaves the dancefloor; I dress in bright colors and wear the weirdest prints; I will laugh or cry uncontrollably if the moment calls for it. I am incapable of holding back positivity and excitement. I will gush about how great something or someone is. If I like your shoes, I am 100% going to tell you, no fear. All of this can make life really fun. It attracts people with good energy into my orbit. It makes me feel like the last thing I am is boring - but I also go home and regret every minute of it because of the second-hand embarrassment later. Somehow all these things are wrong to do in my head (even though I am never moved like this by negativity, fear, or hate), yet I cannot stop myself from doing them. I loathe that I am a book with a broken spine that cannot stay closed. I hate every inch of space I take up. I cannot stop being vulnerable which is great for therapy but not so great for being a normal, functioning adult. I fear sometimes that people think that I believe my thoughts are all-important because I share them all. Nope. I just literally have no choice in the matter. The thoughts and actions pop into my head and they must be heard/done.

I am an endless fountain of "fun" facts because I am interested in a lot of stuff and love to learn. I think "did you know that..." is my most used phase. If I have a fun fact on a subject, you will know (it's something else I feel I have no control over). My hand will be up if I don't just blurt it out. And I am always rolling them up in my Katamari-Ball brain, listening to podcasts, reading articles, watching documentaries, and other videos. I remember these weird fringe things but then I will forget your name and your job. Don't tell me what you're into because I AM going to do a deep dive and suddenly be an expert in it. Tbh it's a great skill for a writer, but I am pretty sure it annoys people around me. Especially when all the fun facts are related to whatever I am obsessed with at the moment. You'll never guess what I have way too many fun facts about right now.

I connect with music, so strongly it's almost spiritual. Singing and listening to music have always been my go-to coping skills. I learned to drive very late in life (at 30 - but that is a story for another day) and at first I was a horribly anxious driver. But once I realized my car could become my little mobile box of music where I could just belt it out 24/7, I learned to love driving. Lyrics help me understand the prism of my experience and others. I love when songs make me dance, or cry, or give me goosebumps. My shower is my favorite place in my new house because of the great acoustics; plus, there is enough space to pull off an entire shower concert, complete with choreography. Concerts and karaoke make me feel like I am connected to the universe and everyone in the venue. I love my taste in music, which sounds weird, but I am just so proud of my eclectic taste. Also! I am mad skilled at identifying songs and artists and samples, probably because I have listened to so. Much. Music. The downside to this one is that I emotionally connect so thoroughly with every song that I enjoy that a bad association will make the song/artist or even the genre unbearable to listen to (see: country music). Also, some people in my life don't understand why I prioritize concerts so highly and are very critical of me for it. I can't help that a concert is the closest thing I have to a church!

I have a great sense of humor (or at least I think so). If you have followed me for more than two seconds, you have probably figured out that I am constantly attempting (and hopefully succeeding?) to be funny. I try VERY HARD to make people laugh. If you were to talk to me in real life, you'd quickly discover that I would come up with puns in our conversation like we're having a funny rap battle. My favorite tools are wordplay and re-contextualization but I also have quote upon quote and will use physical humor, too. The good thing is that I can make myself laugh, for sure. Like I said yesterday, I embody Chrysippus. A lot of comedians claim their jokes are hiding pain. I've recently realized that I use my humor a little differently--since my social anxiety has convinced me that no one in the world wants anything to do with me at any given moment, I use my jokes as sort of a litmus test. If you're laughing, there is a very strong chance that you don't actively hate me at that very moment. I think this strategy probably annoys people and probably comes off at inappropriate. Don't bring me to a funeral.

I can contextualize my personal story. Somewhere between taking autobiography/memoir and essay classes in college and over a decade of therapy, I've become exquisitely good at taking an event in my life or facet of my personality and placing it in the context of my life. Does that make sense? Like in high school English class I took so much joy out of reading a novel and analyzing character motivations and author intent and "why is the wallpaper yellow." I am still very good at reading something and identifying symbolism, but now I mostly use this same skill to look back at the story of my life and find patterns and connections. I think this will help me as an Art Therapist, and, if my personal essays and posts are actually any good, then it is helping me as a writer as well. But this is a double-edged sword in therapy. It means I can sit in the chair and practically therapize myself. But lives are not novels. We are not characters. Sometimes the wallpaper is just yellow. My over-cerebral approach to my understanding of self makes me come off as "not sick enough" in some settings--I've been told by peers and staff many times while in treatment, "Why are you here? You seem fine!" Well, the truth is, just because you understand why the monster is in the book, you can't always outrun it. Sure, it can help to know where the monster came from and why he's chasing you, but if you get too caught up in that it may slow you down. Or you will run the wrong way because you are so sure you understand him. Or you will run so well that no one will notice you are running at all.

#ask game #answered #answered asks #personal #personal essay

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arpmemething2 · 1 year

Text

Quotes from Harley Quinn starters

Send one in for my muse’s reaction. Taken from all forms of media. Feel free to change pronouns as needed.

"I got you a kitty."

“So what if I’m crazy? The best people are.”

“I have done everything you said. Every test, every trial, every initiation. I have proved I love you. Just accept it!”

"I gotta work on my cardio."

"Stupid bats, your ruining date night!"

“We can’t change the past, but there’s a difference between moving on and letting go.”

“If I get mad at you that means I still care. Worry when I don’t get mad.”

"Isn’t this fun? It’s just like a sleepover. We should order pizza- make Cosmos!"

"My rational mind can recognize pain when I see it. But my rational mind is in a pretty small box. All tied up with a bow on it."

“Find what you love and let it kill you.”

"Shhh, face it sugar I got something you want and you sure a shootin' have something I want, so be a good boy and maybe, maybe Mama will give you a cookie"

“You made me want to be a less terrible person.”

“Huh? What was that? I should kill everyone and escape?”

"Mmmm, spiked eggnog. It's like the cream a' Christmas in a spoon!"

"You really put the 'fun' in funeral."

"What's gonna happen here is, I'm gonna turn off the lights for two minutes, an' when I turn 'em back on, whoever's still standin' gets the job."

"The joke's on you, I'm not evena real blonde."

“Desire becomes surrender. Surrender becomes power.”

"But the clown-spankin' truth is this, our strength comes not from being whole, but from bein' broken differently. Because there's enough of us, we are whole together."

"Psychologically speaking, vengeance rarely brings the catharsis we hope for."

"I'm rubber, your glue, whatever you say bounces off me and makes a six inch diameter exit wound in you."

"Own that shit. Own it!"

"Have you heard this new Taylor Swift song? It's soooo good."

"I must let the world know about my craving. I want pancakes and I want them now!"

"It's the end of the world. Have a drink with us."

“If I’m mad enough to skip the tears and go straight to laughing, you better run ‘cause I’m about to lose my shit.”

"How about you, hot stuff?"

"Hey! Hey, I'm talking to you. Hey, I'm talking to you!"

“You don’t like me? Fine. Don’t waste my time then.”

“I’m known to be quite vexing I’m just forewarning you.”

“I’m bored. Play with me.”

“You know, for what it’s worth, I actually enjoyed some of our romps, but there comes a time when a gal wants more. And now, all this gal wants is to settle down with her lovin’ sweetheart.”

“I love him not for the way he silenced my demons, but for the way his demons dance with mine.”

“I’m having a bad day! I’m sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over or blow me up! All I wanted was a new dress – and I actually paid for it!”

“That’s so cute, you think you’re scary. Well, mister, I’ve seen scary and you don’t have his smile.”

"What, I got a hickey or something?"

"How rude!"

“Call me a softie, I dare ya!”

"Arent’ you glad you wore that? Sexy AND bulletproof!"

"That was so not romantic."

“Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy.”

“I’m not shopping at this store: I’m robbing this store. Paying is for dummies!”

"You're cute. You want me? I'm all yours."

“You know what they say: behind every successful man is a badass broad.”

"Maybe I can stick you some shampoo."

“Don’t know if I wanna kill you or kiss you.”

"It's called 'animals attack people I hate"... It's a comedy."

“All of that chit-chat is gonna get you hurt.”

“We’re bad guys, it’s what we do.”

“The world can be amazing when you’re slightly strange.”

"I recommend a lobotomy.”

"Look, I'm in no mood for this crap. Especially after the day I been havin!"

"Mama's gonna paint the streets with blood."

"Why can't a girl be nice to a guy without the mook trying to murder her?"

“Now you feel like you have someone by your side to share the journey with you.”

“Whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you stranger.”

"Hey, I'm cooperating. All right? This is me being cool."

"Love your perfume. What is that, the scent of death?"

“Every woman has a crazy side that only the right man can bring out.”

“Hush, little baby, don’t say a word, Momma’s gonna kill for you the whole damn world.”

“You don’t have to be crazy to be in love. But it helps.”

“Wait ‘till they get a load of me.”

"I would be instigating mayhem everywhere I go!"

"sweetie, get mommy's bazooka."

"Now that's a killer app!"

"I love it! It's so... cinematic!"

"They say if you want to tell a story right, you gotta start at the beginning."

“I’m not sure if I attract crazy or if I make them that way.”

“You can’t deny there’s an element of glamour to these super-criminals.”

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my-brothers-corrupted · 3 months

Text

My Brothers, Corrupted

Book Five: Section Three

Dapper's psychosis worsens as he goes on without treatment, and the others try to figure out what to do while still trying to maintain a feeling of safety. Masterlist

Tws for self-hatred, past abuse, and psychosis and treatment discussions, including institutionalization. Marvin also snaps at the audience a couple times. Tws may not be completely exhaustive - keep in mind the heaviness of the fic and look out for yourself.

Thank you to @lehhoh7822 for taking the time to compile this book!

Blue wakes up alone.

He rubs at his face and turns over, considering just going back to sleep. He’s tired. But he’s hungry, too, and if he’s hungry than his brothers are hungry, and if his brothers are hungry, he needs to make breakfast.

“Jackie?” he calls, hoping his twin is just getting ready in the bathroom, but there’s no answer. The house is cold. He drags himself out of bed, shuddering in the chill. Ugh. The football jersey he threw on as a sleep-shirt is sweaty and unwashed, not unlike his dead white hair. He picks at a scab on his neck til it bleeds, frustrated from the moment he wakes up.

There’s a note on the bedside table in his brother’s struggling, messy handwriting.

Blue, I went to town because I found out about some people who can maybe help us get a place to stay and food and a job and things. I will get some stuff we need at the store. I checked last night and you and me and Chase are registered as Irish citizens in the health care system acording to the website but Dapper and Dok are British and German so it maybe costs some money to take them in to see someone but if they need appointements right now I will find the money. I’ll be home later and hopefuly we can go stay somewhere else. Love Ro

“You’ve got to be kidding, Red,” protests Blue, gripping at his hair. “None of us should be out alone. He hates crowds and public transportation but he just goes out alone… determined bastard. How will I find him if something happens? Dammit!”

He crumples the paper and throws it at the wall, slumping back into bed. Maybe he will just go back to sleep. But then again he feels so disgusting. This goddamn skin. He pulls the blankets over his head and groans into his pillow.

Anonymous asked: Blue, I think it might be possible some of Anti's magic or his 'soul' or anything might remain in you. Not that you are not your own person, but you've been showing signs that some of his magic might have stuck in you when Dark ripped him out. I mean, the anger, the love of Trick, the possible accidental hypnotism. I think it's something you should consider.

“Ah, right, yeah,” says Blue, slouching out of bed and washing his face in the bathroom sink. “Forgive me for having some shit going on right now and a friendship with one of my brothers. Must be a demon in my soul. Glad to know I look that much like my abuser to the lot of you.”

He throws the towel down and stares back at you, eyes flashing. “You sound like Dapper. Anti is DEAD. Move on.”

scunneredzombie asked: Jackie, did you bring a camera with you?

“He probably didn’t even bother to think of that,” mutters Blue, checking the bag to count how many cameras they have with them. “Maybe he at least took Anti’s phone if he really needs anything. He’s having so much fun with his new independence he’s starting to get sloppy.”

Blue shifts through some of his clean clothes for a minute, but what does it even matter? He drops his bag and gets up, heading to the room next door.

“Chase, Dok! Do you want breakfast?”

There’s no answer. He cracks the door open quietly and finds only one sleep-tousled twin laid out in the stolen bed, eyes closed, breathing soft and even. For a second, Blue feels a little better. He shouldn’t be so grouchy. They’re fighting a lot lately, sure, but what matters is that Anti is gone and they’re all together and alive. They’ll go from there.

“Where’s your twin, though, huh?” he sighs, closing the door. “Dok? Chase must be tired if he’s sleeping through you sneaking off. Henrik?”

Anonymous asked: I didn't say you look like your abuser. I said it's seriously a possibility some of his magic stuck to you. Blue, he is dead, and he is gone. But this is a serious thing to consider, you shouldn't brush it off so quick. You looked Chase in the eye and possibly hypnotized him a bit. That can't be just tossed aside like it doesn't matter.

“What are you talking about?” mumbles a sleepy voice behind him, and a second later, Chase is creaking open the door, blinking at him.

“Just something stupid,” snipes Blue, setting the camera down on the shelf beside him. “Forget it.”

Chase hums sleepily.

But the more he thinks about it, the more it starts to eat at him. He’s nauseous. Anti still here? Anti still inside him, moving him, controlling him? He remembers -

Ink in his mouth, and blood on his face -

Laughter. Not his laughter, but from his mouth.

Dapper stares up at him like he’s everything he hates and loves at the same time.

Henrik is splayed out beneath him, screaming for help, but all he does is keep hitting him, again and again, beating his fists against his head, his chest, his arms, til his knuckles are stained with Henrik’s blood.

“Do you think Marvin’s going to fucking wake up, you little bitch, is that what you’re screaming for? Do you think big brother’s going to save you? No one is fucking coming, Henrik, no one is going to save you, and all your brother can do is fucking WATCH - ”

“Blue,” comes a steady voice, and then Chase’s hands are cupping his cheeks, trying to draw his gaze. “Blue. I’m here. Just breathe.”

Blue leans over and grabs his stomach, shaking so hard he can’t stay on his feet. His knees buckle and Chase grabs him, holding him tight and helping him to sit down.

“You’re okay. You’re okay. Blue, you’re okay.”

These hands, these hands, his hands, his hands. He can feel - he still remembers -

He grabs his throat and wheezes, crumpling in over himself, letting Chase fold over him and hold him, making reassurances to him again and again and again.

Anonymous asked: You are you, even if his magic does remain. You were you and he was him. Nothing he did is your doing, nothing he said is your fault. You are Blue/Marvin and you have been through all of this. He stole from you, stole your body, but nothing he used it for is your fault. Do not shoulder the responsibility of your abuser, love.

“I need - I need to talk to Henrik - why won’t he talk, Chase, why doesn’t he talk, I need - ”

“I know, Blue, I know.”

“And Dapper looks at me like he still sees him in me, I hate that, I hate him, I hate all of this. I can’t ever fix anything, I’m just - ”

“It’s not your job to fix anything, Blue, just breathe.”

“He took everything from me!” screams Blue, jerking so hard Chase pins him down slightly, scared he’ll slam his head into something. “I wish I had killed him slower! I wish I had chained him up in that barbed wire and tore through that fucking cut on his throat once and for all!”

Chase takes long, slow breaths, trying to get Blue to follow.

“It’s not your fault, Blue, what he did.”

“I can still feel him crawling inside me, fucking parasite.”

“It’s just the trauma, Blue. He’s gone.”

“What if I did hypnotize you?”

“What?”

“What if I did? The other day? We made eye contact and you - you got all - kind of dopey, you know?”

“I’m not Trick anymore,” says Chase firmly. “Nothing like that happened. Just forget it, Blue. It’s done.”

scunneredzombie asked: Chase, any idea where Henrik got to? Outside maybe? Take your time with Blue, he needs you, but finding Dok should be the next-up.

“Oh, shit,” says Chase, sitting up. “Oh, fuck, he must have snuck off while I was asleep, fuck.”

It puts fear in him immediately, and he’s on his feet, calling for him. “Dok? I’m here! Where are you? You don’t think he ran off, do you? Blue, I’m going to go grab him, just quick, I’ll be right back.”

Blue lets him go without protest, slumping back against the wall. It’s Chase’s job to protect his brother the same way Marvin was supposed to look out for all of them. He buries his face in his hands and closes his eyes, flowers curling out from one sleeve of his shirt in woeful blue petals.

Anonymous asked: None of you have jobs anymore, you all deserve to relate with and help each other at any time, like a family. Not Antis dollhouse, but an actual family, all of you to all of you.

“I gave up Marvin for a chance to save them someday,” Blue tells you quietly, running his fingers over old scars. “But all I could do was kill him and that fixed so little. I still have to see them all breaking in half and I can’t do anything about it. Can’t even get a hold of myself. You’re right, Red and I are just going to end up being the new version of him. Controlling because we think we care, unlike him, but controlling anyway. Maybe I do still treat Chase like Trick. I wish so badly that one of them could just be… okay. Could just be himself again. Happy and healthy and fine. But we’re all just fucked up and tired. How am I even supposed to start fixing any of this? I think even if Red gets us everything we need, we’ll still all just be shadows of the people we used to be.”

He pauses, breathing more even, more slow. Okay. Okay.

“I wish my hair would grow back,” he adds, voice small. “I really wish this body was mine again.”

scunneredzombie asked: And are shadows not still worthy of love and care? You, all of you, need to stop trying to be the exact people you were before he was in control. Trauma /changes/ you. Trauma changes your brain, physically and emotionally. But those changes don't take away your value or your personhood. It's okay to change, and it's okay to feel like shadows for a bit while you heal. Don't give up, you lot!

Blue is quiet, staring down at his feet, his knees drawn to his chest.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “They all still deserve a lot. I… deserve better. A lot better than the way he treated us. I just wish I could give it to them. I think it’s so ingrained in my head - and in Ro’s too - that we have to make sure they’re okay before we can be okay. I guess maybe I should be focusing on myself but I just want them to be… ugh. What a mess all of this is.”

He feels bad all the way down to his heart, doubly exhausted now from his freak-out, and embarrassed that Chase saw him like that. His little brother is coming back towards him now, Dok in tow and a worried look on his face, but Blue doesn’t want to see them right now. Doesn’t want to see Henrik silent and blank from the things that Blue - that Anti did to him. Doesn’t want to risk looking too deeply into Chase’s eyes and realizing that you might be right, and some part of Anti remains inside of him, enough to mess with Chase’s brain. Doesn’t want to be looked at at all, not while he’s… this.

“Can I just get some alone time?” he asks, rubbing his face.

“I could be alone with you,” offers Chase quickly. “But, um, also - ”

“Chase, I just - I just want some alone time.”

Chase glances back at Henrik, who blinks at him. He sighs.

“Um, okay. Yeah, no worries. But if you need anything, Blue… you know I’d do anything for you, right?”

“I love you too,” answers Blue softly.

Chase’s mouth flickers with a small, taut smile. He leads Henrik back down the stairs.

Anonymous asked: Blue. You're putting shields up against people that don't want to hurt you. You have a right to your privacy always, but you don't have to deny the fact that you need help and you want to get better. You're a problem solver but it's okay to ask for help and it's okay to accept it as well.

“Yeah, well,” grouses Blue, getting up and heading back towards his room. “Consider this one more shield.”

And he closes his door and leaves you in the hallway.

Downstairs, Chase flinches at the sound of the door shutting. He squares his shoulders and lets go of a deep breath, stepping out onto the porch.

“Okay, Dap,” he says unsteadily. “Blue is taking a break. But we can figure this out between the three of us, right?”

Dapper doesn’t reply. His hands are coated black with charcoal, which he has spread across the entire back wall of the house, repeating drawings of eyes over and over and over again.

Anonymous asked: JJ, are you alright? Another paranoid episode?

“Hey, Dapper,” murmurs Chase, sinking to his knees beside him. “Hey, look at me. Are you okay? JJ? Can you look at me?”

He just keeps drawing. Henrik is already on his other side, right where Chase found him this morning - trying to pull the charcoal out of his hand and touching the back of his head like he’s somehow holding him in place. It’s the most independent reaction Chase has seen his twin offer in weeks, but it isn’t doing much. Henrik tightens his grip on the charcoal and Dapper shoves his hand away, curled low over an eye on the corner of the house.

“Dapper,” says Chase, louder, putting a hand on his chin and trying to draw his gaze to him. “You didn’t sleep, did you? You have to stop. Jameson, hey.”

Henrik blinks at him from the other side of their brother. Dapper doesn’t stop.

“Okay.” Chase chews on the nail of his thumb. “Okay, so not listening. Maybe not hearing me. Dapper, can’t you just tell me what you need? What are the eyes for?”

He’s been scrawling so hard and for so long that there’s blood on the ends of his fingers.

scunneredzombie asked: Offer a reality check, Chase? Like reminding him where he is, his name, your name, that he's safe, etc. Reminders of truths and things that would provide comfort.

“Dapper? I’m here. It’s me, Chase, and Henrik, too. That’s who’s touching you. You’re safe here, yeah? Dap. Look at me, okay? Can you please? Can you tell me what the eyes are for?”

Dapper scrapes at his ears for a second. They’re black with charcoal and red with how hard he’s been scratching at them, cupping them, striking them. Chase pulls his hand down from his ear.

“You’re going to make yourself bleed. JJ, talk to me.”

“Can’t talk.”

“Hey! Yeah, here I am, okay, I know you can’t talk, I just mean - you know what I mean, right, you - ”

“Nobody’s listening. Just talking talking talking.”

“I’m here, it’s Chase, I’m listening.”

Dapper keeps drawing eyes. Or Chase thinks they’re eyes. They seem to just be devolving into ovals with circles inside them. Dapper rocks himself forward with a sudden intensity, letting himself slump against the back wall like he’s trying to collapse into it, but still drawing, still drawing.

“I’ll get you some water, okay?” offers Chase, drawing back from him, unnerved. Dapper’s posture is distinctly uncomfortable-looking, like a mannequin with cut strings left splayed against the wall, but he doesn’t try to adjust. His pupils are shrunken dots.

“Fuck, fuck,” he whispers to himself, hurrying into the house to get him some water.

Henrik stays outside, staring at Dapper as he draws. After a second he sits down beside him and starts tracing over the eyes with his finger, smudging it in charcoal. Dapper pushes his hand away and corrects the lines he’s marred without comment. Henrik has a hand on his knee, quiet.

Anonymous asked: Is Anti talking to you, Jay? He's just a ghost now, don't fret. He can't hurt you, and he can't see you. He's a hallucination. You're very paranoid and scared right now, I understand. Try to bring yourself back to reality. Focus on the water's coldness, on Henrik and Chase being there for you, on the friendly, brotherly hands that touch and try to bring you back. You will be okay. No one is watching besides people who love you.

Chase is good with him by now - knows what to say, how to hold onto him, what to look out for when things are getting bad. But no matter how much he speaks reassurances in calm, even tones and short sentences, or how gently he repositions his shaking body, or how carefully he’s trying to look after him, he’s not coming out of it.

“How long has he been like this?” asks Chase, looking up at his twin like he’s hoping he’ll start talking again in this exact moment and give him all the answers like he used to. “What are we supposed to do? I need Red or Blue.”

He gets to his feet, stalking in circles as he tries to think. There’s a sudden dry yelp and he turns, alarmed, to see Henrik reeling back, gripping his nose.

“Dapper!” Chase howls. “It’s Dok, not Anti! Did you hit him?”

He reaches down to grab his wrist, but Dapper thrashes free, teeth gritted, eyes watering with fear.

“He’s everywhere, he won’t leave me alone, I can’t get out of my room…”

Chase pulls Henrik to his feet and leads him inside, sitting him down on the couch. This is out of control. He knows what he would do next, but - well, he’s not in charge. He needs Red or Blue.

scunneredzombie asked: You're in charge right now Chase. You're the most functional person around currently. Try doing what your idea was, it could be helpful. JJ just needs people to be cautious and gentle to him right now, remind him he's free and not in that prison of a room. Turn him around and let him see the grass and forest behind the house, take him onto the soil if you can. Literal 'grounding'.

Chase sits with Dapper a while longer, looking at him. He tries touching him, pulling at him, trying to turn him around, but Dapper just yanks back towards the wall with increasing desperation, his fingers smearing blood across charcoal. It’s been a long time since he’s been this stuck in his head, but the truth is that he’s been struggling for weeks now, and there are a lot of things Chase wishes they would have done for him a long time ago.

Okay. He’s in charge right now.

He’s not little brother. He’s just a brother. No more hierarchy. Okay.

He gets to his feet and goes up to Blue’s room. He opens the door and steps inside, and his sibling looks up at him in confusion from beneath a pile of somebody else’s blankets.

“Dapper needs to go to the hospital,” says Chase. “I’m going to take him to the bus stop.”

Anonymous asked: Good call, Chaser. Do you know if there's any behavioral clinics near to you? JJ would have a difficult time in the hospital, what with all the strangers, but it might be just what would help right now. He need his medicine and he needs a safe place with people who know what to do.

“Hold up, what’s going on?” demands Blue, hurrying out of bed. “Let me see him. I’ll handle it.”

“Blue, I love you, but you and Dapper aren’t really best friends right now. He’s been hallucinating and erratic for days now and now he’s almost totally unresponsive, drawing eyes on the walls and scraping at his ears because his voices are so loud. Blue, he’s having a psychotic break, and if it doesn’t get handled, not only is he going to keep suffering, he could snap the timeline. I know we’re used to Dapper being kind of - well, weird. But we can’t pretend any of this is normal.”

“Okay, but Chase, if we take him to a hospital, they might put him in a psych ward.”

“What if he needs to be in a psych ward for a little while?” asks Chase, exhausted. “With professionals? Or what if they just give him some medication and let him come home with us once he’s stable?”

“We need to run this past Jackie,” says Blue, pushing past Chase to go find his little brother.

“Jackie’s not here. And even if he were… you know he wouldn’t let us do this. He’s so scared of losing control he would never let someone else take care of his baby brother. He’s paranoid too right now. Dapper needs to see a professional. Now.”

Blue pushes out onto the porch. Dapper doesn’t look up at him, but when Blue reaches out to touch his shoulder, Dapper gasps and cowers from him, wrapping his arms around his head and curling in on himself, panting.

“Oh, lovey, oh, love,” moans Blue, tugging at his hair, stressed. “Um, I - I don’t know. I just wanted to take him to a clinic to get a prescription.”

“That’s all Anti ever did for him,” mumbles Chase. “It was never enough. Let’s at least look for behavioral clinics like they said.”

“We don’t have any way to do that. No phone or computer or anything. And we are not talking to the neighbors - we’ve already fucked up this whole house, don’t need to be any more suspicious.”

scunneredzombie asked: Blue, I know it hurts, but there's not much you or Chase can do for him right now. Going to an urgent care or a hospital is what he needs right now, or something bad could happen to him. When people become unresponsive there's not much to do - if they don't have their medicine - besides taking them to a doctor. I've had to do it before, there's no shame in it. Psychosis is a serious thing and needs serious help.

“What’s the stress here?” asks Chase wearily. “What’s the problem?”

“I don’t know,” snaps Blue, trying not to cry. “Maybe that we’re broke and he’s not in the health care system? Or that he’s mute and psychotic and they might treat him badly? That he might be scared, that he might be violent, that he might talk too much about his abusive family and all the people we’ve murdered? How about the fact that Jackie is going to be pissed and terrified? Chase, this isn’t going to work.”

Chase stares down at his feet for a second, eyes tired.

“Blue,” he says after a moment. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life sick and hiding.”

Blue sighs, closing his eyes.

“You’re good, right, Chase?” he asks. “That’s not true what Jackie said. That you’re just acting like the sunshine kid to make me happy.”

Chase cringes slightly, looking away. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Fuck,” Blue curses, rubbing at his face. “Fuck…. fine. Okay. Okay, yes, we’re doing this. Jackie will flip his shit, but we’ll deal with it. Dapper, honey. We gotta go. Come with me, okay?”

Still just drawing. Just drawing in circles.

“How are we doing this?” asks Blue.

“I don’t know,” sighs Chase. “Carry him?”

“I’m going to pull him a little here,” warns Blue, reaching down. He ends up wrapping his arms tight around Dapper’s shoulders and heaving him to his feet even as Dapper starts to struggle, alarmed. Once he’s up he’s a little less steady, but less angry too, just blinking around at the world with tears in his eyes and a shaking piece of charcoal in his hand.

“Babe, we’re going to the hospital,” says Blue clearly. “Come on, okay?”

“I’m not allowed - ”

“You’re allowed. It’s okay. Chase, you ready?”

“What? No, I have to stay here with Dok.”

“You’re sticking me with him alone? You were the one who said he doesn’t like me that much right now!”

“What are we supposed to do, bring two tortured brothers into the ER? That won’t look suspicious!”

“So I’ll stay with Dok, then!”

Chase flinches, shaking his head rapidly.

“Chase - ”

“I’ll stay with him,” says Chase, creeping back towards the house. “I have to stay with him.”

Blue groans and turns to Dapper, who stares back at him with his huge, terrified eyes.

“Fine, fine,” he breathes out. “This is going to be a trainwreck. This is going to suck. Come on, buddy.”

“I’m not allowed.”

“You’re allowed.”

“I’m stuck in my room… he’s going to hurt me…”

“Come on, Dap.”

Anonymous asked: Chase, let Blue stay with Henrik. You need to be able to trust other people to take care of him. Get away from the twin hierarchy and let another brother care for him. JJ is scared of Blue currently, he needs someone he fully trusts to guide him. Henrik will be okay without you for just a few hours. Everything will be alright.

Chase shifts back towards the house, clinging to the doorway. He can hear Henrik playing with an old game of dominoes on the coffee table, clicking and placing the pieces together. He doesn’t want to go.

“Don’t you trust me?” asks Blue.

“It’s not about that,” says Chase.

“So what’s it about.”

“He’s mine,” snarls Chase, face darkening. “Not yours. Not anybody else’s. And when he wakes up, it’s me he’s coming back to.”

He turns on Blue and shuts the door.

Anonymous asked: He doesn't belong to you Chase. Henrik is his own person, and he is not to be treated like he's helpless just because he can't speak. Don't be possessive in that way, it too reminiscent of Anti.

Chase chews on his nails, staring at his brother. Henrik is putting the domino pieces together right, or at least in a way that makes sense. Matching colors and numbers. He’s there, just… far away.

“Sorry, Blue,” he calls through the door.

Blue snorts on the other side. “That was fast. You have a temper like a bunny rabbit. Go get Dapper some shoes.”

Chase moves off to find the nearest pair of torn-up sneakers, tired of the day already. He hands them over to Blue and watches him help lace them onto Dapper’s feet, sinking down onto the couch beside Henrik. He moves one of his dominoes and Henrik’s eyes flicker up to him, slightly narrow in a way that makes Chase think maybe he knows he’s being played with. He laughs weakly and touches his brother’s cheek. Henrik gazes at him, blinking.

“I should never have left you alone, man,” whispers Chase. “I wish you were here to forgive me. I just don’t want you to be alone again when you come back.”

Henrik stares at him. His glasses are a little crooked on his nose. A little broken and a little crooked. His twin.

Henrik reaches slowly out and wraps his arms around his neck, letting his head fall down onto Chase’s shoulder. Chase feels a shaky breath escape from his chest. He tries to move slowly. Tries not to startle him. Can’t break this.

He hugs his brother back slowly, his hands pressing into his back. They seem to fit just right.

“I’ll take him if you really want,” Chase tells him a few minutes later, sliding back towards Blue. “Dok’s okay. Dapper’s not.”

“I almost want to take him now,” sighs Blue. “That’s my job, right?”

“Doesn’t have to be.”

“He’s already upset with me. If you take him, he might be mad at you too.”

“Either way will be okay with me.”

Anonymous asked:

Would either one of you be more confident dealing with medical professionals and paperwork and all that to get him admitted? I'd lean more towards Chase just because JJ and Marv are still having a hard time, but of course it's up to y'all. There's practical bits to taking him to a hospital that y'all can consider too.

“Oh, hell,” says Chase. “I don’t even know my fake name. Or his.”

“I gave you your ID, how can you not know that?”

“I don’t know where it is, haha.”

“Chase!”

“I’ll find it…”

Anonymous asked: You are allowed to go Dapper. You are free, Anti is gone. You can finally have therapy and doctors and medicine. No one tells you what to do anymore. You are 'allowed' to do anything at all, especially if it's helpful and beneficial for your health.

“Do you want to pick, bud?” asks Blue, putting a hand on his back. “You can make your own choice now, they’re right. It’s okay. It’s allowed.”

Dapper stares at Blue. Stares at Chase. Stares at Blue.

“Okay, this is going nowhere,” crabs Blue, taking his hand. “Chase, bring Dok and come with us on the bus. You guys can go for a walk or something while we check in. It’ll be good for Dok to get out and about. We’ll leave Jackie a note. Come on.”

“That works.”

scunneredzombie asked: You are allowed to get help, buddy. Anti is dead. You're free from your room. You can finally get the help you need, it'll all be okay. I know it must be terrifying, but you can finally have your medicine and have therapy and people to help you through it. Repeat to yourself. Anti is dead. Anti can't control you anymore.

They go for a walk and sit on the bus with what little cash Blue was keeping from Jackie, exhausted together, though Dapper is a buzzing ball of nervous energy beside Blue, staring out the window like he doesn’t understand how they’re moving or what they’re moving past. Chase and Dok are behind them, Chase’s eyes fixed on his little brother’s head. Dapper flinches every time someone coughs or shifts or yawns around him. Like everything in the world is waiting to hurt him.

“Look at you, all mussed up,” sighs Blue, licking his thumb and trying to wipe some of the charcoal off his brother’s face. “All that curly hair growing out and all these old cuts and bruises. And so skinny. I should have made sure you ate last night. I just hid from you all. No wonder you ended up freaking out on the porch all night. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Dapper clings to the window, leaning forward to trace a dog passing by. Blue tries to smooth down his hair, stroking across the mess of his locks, scratching at his short beard.

“They’re right, okay?” he murmurs, trying to clean him up, though he knows the lot of them must look like disasters. They are disasters right now. “You control yourself. Just a little sick right now. Anti is gone. He’s gone, Dap. It’s just you and - ”

Dapper whirls on him and grabs his face between his hands, staring at him dead on. Chase’s nervous hand reaches out to grab Dapper’s wrist. Blue waits, frozen.

Dapper draws back again, still looking at him.

“You’re okay,” says Blue softly, because if he loses it on the bus, they’re screwed. “You’re okay.”

“Is it you?” asks Dapper.

“I’m whoever you need me to be right now, Dapper.”

Dapper blinks, apparently considering this. After a second he nods and sinks down in his seat, looking back out the window.

Anonymous asked: Sorry, I haven't been here for a bit - do any of you have phones? Can you contact Jackie? I'm a touch concerned that he could come home to an empty house. Is there a camera there for us to talk to him, at least?

“He did that to me this morning,” grouses Blue. “And he took the only phone. But yes, there are extra cameras at home when he gets back. And maybe he’ll actually have found us somewhere to stay… now that we’ve messed up the porch and eaten most of the food, I don’t think we’re exactly discreet.”

“Is it you?” asks Dapper again, looking back at Blue.

“I don’t know,” answers Blue. “Who do you think I am?”

Dapper shakes his head, blinking. “I’m… not sure. I don’t think we’ve met.”

Blue laughs weakly, smoothing out an extra strand of his hair.

“Weird, I was just thinking that too. Maybe we haven’t met.”

“No?”

“We really don’t know each other at all, huh? When he was still alive, you were just the brother in the basement I was supposed to save. His twin, wrapped around his finger. I think maybe that’s why I’ve been so ticked off. You still remind me of him. It’s all I’ve ever associated you with.”

“Do you want me to be something else?”

“No,” says Blue quickly, squeezing his hand. “No, just yourself. Just healthy and yourself.”

“Is it you?”

“It’s Blue, Dapper.”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“I won’t hurt you.”

“Okay. We’re friends?”

“We’re siblings. But I’d like to be friends sometime too.”

“You’re being funny with me, Anti,” says Dapper, laying his head on his shoulder. “You always laugh at me when I’m sick.”

Blue lets it go, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“We’re almost to help, JJ.”

scunneredzombie asked: JJ, try to stay calm at the hospital. Strangers will have to touch you to check you out and keep you healthy. Strangers will have to watch over you to make sure you don't hurt yourself/anyone. You'll be perfectly okay and none of them mean you harm. They should be understanding if you lash out, just try your best. I believe in you, all of you!

“Ready?” asks Chase as the hospital comes into view, leaning forward.

“Where are we?” Dapper asks.

“He’s talking now. Maybe we can just go back home?”

“Blue, no,” chides Chase. “Dapper, let’s go get you to a doctor, okay?”

Dapper looks up at Blue in alarm, gripping his hand. “It’s okay,” offers Blue. “Don’t sweat it. People are here to help.”

“This is a test,” signs Dapper uncertainly. “You’re testing me.”

“No.” Blue switches to signing, hoping to avoid as many odd looks as they can. “Dapper, you know that you’re paranoid when you’re off your meds. You know that’s what those thoughts are. No one’s testing you and no one’s trying to hurt you. Some people are going to come help and they’re probably going to touch you and maybe have needles and that sort of thing, but you need to stay calm.”

“You’re going to leave me here, then,” Dapper says, his breath hitching. “You - I did something wrong and you’re going to have me locked up. I don’t even remember, you can’t do this to me.”

“Nobody’s leaving you here.”

Dapper’s shaken, eyes flickering around the bus. Blue takes his arm and pulls him carefully to his feet. “I’m going to stay right with you,” he says clearly. “I’m going to stay right here.”

“You don’t want me to take him?” asks Chase.

“He thinks I’m Anti,” mumbles Blue. “I think that’s the only reason he’s not attacking us or running for his life right now.”

Dapper clings to him in return, shaking. They help him off the bus amid a crowd of people. Dapper cowers against Blue’s chest, scrambling for a knife at his side, but there’s nothing there.

“Why are we out in the open like this?” his hands snap. “You’re just being reckless now.”

“We’re allowed to be out in the open. No one’s coming for us.”

“Make them be quiet, Anti, make them be quiet!” He clutches his ears, knees buckling, and Blue grabs him, keeping him on his feet and hurrying forward with him.

“Dapper,” calls Chase, worried.

“Chase, just take Henrik to the park or something. Keep calm.”

“You stole me and now you’re putting me back,” protests Dapper frantically, his feet scraping against the ground as he tries to pull against Blue’s grip. “Like you said you’d put me in an asylum and I’d never get out.”

“Anti told you that?”

“I know I can’t handle it without you, I know, don’t punish me!”

“Dapper - ”

“I’ll break everything if you’re not around,” he sobs, gripping at Blue’s shirt between signs. “I don’t have any control of myself, of my magic, when you’re not around. You have to keep me in control.”

“Dapper, you can handle this on your own! He just wanted you to believe you were helpless without him, he just - ”

“You’re not even real, why are you still hurting me?” He strikes Blue’s chest, crying in earnest, his face swollen in red. “If I didn’t need you so badly do you know how long ago I would have left?”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t!” shouts Blue, grabbing Dapper’s wrist. “And don’t you dare fucking hit me! You could have run from Anti like I did! I let him take me for the sake of the others, but you! Why did you ever let him keep you like that? Huh?”

“Sir! Hey, do you need help?”

Blue barely hears it. “Why don’t you tell me that, JJ?” he screams, shaking him. “Why didn’t you fight him?”

“You liar,” sobs JJ, pulling away from him, near crumpled in half. “You promised me. You said you would let the others go. I wasn’t enough for you. I hate that Blue got to kill you. I hate that I was such a coward. You took everything from me. I should have killed you slow and painful. I loved you too though. I don’t know what I was holding on to. Maybe if I had been the one to do it you wouldn’t still be here haunting me. You don’t know how much I hate myself. Coward. I should have been the one to do it.”

Blue feels a sob in his throat, his eyes burning. He crashes back into Dapper, grabbing his face and shoving their heads together, meeting his gaze, and his little brother looks back with his tortured eyes, and Blue is sorry for everything he’s been through and everything they’ve lost together.

“He sucks, doesn’t he?” he manages finally.

Jameson sinks against his chest, closing his eyes.

“I hate myself lately too, little brother. We’ll get through it.”

“I’m always going to be dangerous. I can’t control myself without Anti in my head. We’re twins. We can’t survive without each other.”

“Nah,” offers Blue, shaking his head. “No, that’s just more of Anti’s stupid brother system. The cameras were right. It all has to fall apart. We’re going to help you figure out how to stay in control without needing him. Okay?”

JJ stares up at him. “Are you sure?”

“Sure I’m sure. You must have done it before Anti came to take you. When we were living in the house in the woods. When things were kind. Things will be kind again. We just gotta take some steps.”

Jameson watches the sidewalk, thinking.

“It just starts with this, okay?” says Blue, taking his hand. “With getting some real help.”

“I’m… I’m going to get left here. Stuck again. Stuck.”

“No. We’d never leave you behind.”

“Even if you get mad?”

“Yeah, even if I get mad.”

“Even if I remind you of Anti?”

“Yeah. That’s my shit, not yours. I’ll get past it. Cause I love you.”

Jameson looks up, and for a second, his eyes are clear.

“Oh, silly,” he says, laughing faintly at himself. “Sorry, I just realized it’s you.”

“There you go,” beams Blue, relieved. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.”

“Marvin,” signs JJ fondly, touching his cheek. “Yeah, I see you now.”

#book five

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