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bratz-kitten · 3 years

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the sun through the houses

sun in the 1st house: you irradiate confidence and self-assurance, as if you know exactly who the fuck you are and what you're here to do and people are very drawn to that kind of energy in you, to the way you're so full of life, spontaneous, ready to face anything that life throws at you and your ambitious nature. you thrive when you're uplifting others to feel as good as you do because you don't want to shine alone, and because on the inside, you might be much more insecure than people are aware of - you understand what it's like to be at rock bottom, but you're good at hiding this part of yourself. can be very controlling and competitive, and if you were raised in an environment where your parents used to fight a lot, you might chase conflict wherever you go. be careful with being arrogant and proud, and be aware that your strong energy might overwhelm a lot of people. whatever you do, you follow your heart. you need appreciation and recognition from others. you keep your cool in the most stressful situations.

sun in the 2nd house: you crave to achieve financial success; here, the planet of the ego is tied to the house that rules material possessions and our self-worth, so you want to achieve power by getting rich because that's how you feel safe. you're very talented when it comes to business and making good investments that'll allow you to get to the next step. when it comes to your ambitions, if you want something, you'll work hard for it and only stop when you get it. you're very witty, with your dry humor and sarcastic personalities, you truly have the best comebacks lmao and above all, you always keep your word. you take pleasure in everything lavish that life has to offer; you have great taste and know when something is of value almost instinctively. you need to make sure you're appreciating the people in your life instead of only what you own and your ambitions because you're at your best when you're expressing your kind and generous side. you might be into retail therapy when you feel sad or empty, but afterward, you might feel terrible because the fulfillment shopping gives you is only temporary. careful with being controlling or possessive.

sun in the 3rd house: you use your mind like a weapon. you truly have a way with words and you're able to express yourself in a way that leaves everyone wanting to know more about you; but most of all, you crave to keep on learning more and more and to expand your knowledge, because that's what feeds your soul. spontaneous personality; bold but unpredictable and you feel a sense of pride whenever you think about your friends, they're very important to you. you have the capability to bring stories to life, this placement is amazing for aspiring writers, and you like analyzing your surroundings which, in turn, makes you a very adaptable person. constant change in your way of thinking because you're always viewing things from different perspectives. you can become easily bored when you aren't feeling mentally stimulated, which is why you're always seeking new experiences, communicating with others and why you live so much in the present. persuasive. people who don't seek to expand their minds terrify you. you refuse to live in the shadows of your siblings, you have a need to stand as your own person.

sun in the 4th house: when the planet of the ego is in the house of our family life, our inner experiences and our childhood trauma, you are blessed with a rich inner experience that leads you to want to delve deep into what you went through and how those experiences shaped you into the person you are today – and that means the trauma you went through, too. if you had bad experiences in your child, your journey is longer and harder because you find it harder to understand life, and you might've compared your home life to the "outside world" a lot, feeling like they were two different entities (think sinclair from demian). you're very caring and nurturing and very attached to your family, either the one you were brought under or the one you want to establish. having a home that feels cozy and safe is what brings you security, and you want to bring happiness to the ones you love the most. be careful with being too pessimistic and feeling paranoid that something bad will suddenly happen, and also with being too controlling and domineering. you need a lot of reassurance, but be careful with coming off as if you don't trust your loved ones. very strategic, you play the long game.

sun in the 5th house: you literally irradiate artistic talent and creativity! you thrive when you express yourself and your originality and get recognized for it, and appreciation for your efforts is very important to you. intelligent, you can be very cunning and strategic, at the same time that your optimism and spontaneous nature naturally commands attention from others. very dramatic, you shine in the eyes of others. but although you have a happy aura to you, you can be very hard on yourself, thinking you're not good enough whenever you're not being appreciated. at your worst, you can have an exaggerated sense of pride, dominating energy, manipulative tendencies or feeling less than others. you may fluctuate between focusing a lot on yourself and being overly generous with everyone in your life. bold, you do a lot just to feel alive. you're very loyal and love deeply, passionate and nurturing, but be careful with involving yourself with people who take advantage of that. you should realize that appreciation should come from yourself and not others. if you add discipline to your originality, you can become very successful.

sun in the 6th house: one of your driving forces is your attachment to your work and your need to be of service for others and to be recognized for your efforts. health, dieting, exercise and keeping a structured routine are very important to you. you have a constant need to be perfect and that can be your own worst enemy, because when you or others aren't meeting your high standards, you might feel like you're weak and have your insecurities taking over you. you can't stand being told what to do. very self-aware. a tendency to be a workaholic because it's what makes you feel proud of yourself; you need to feel like you're making the world a better place. stress can easily physically affect you, you should understand that validation needs to come from yourself and not from others, and accept that having imperfections is human, it doesn't make you weak! careful with having a routine too restrictive that doesn't allow you to have fun, work can become an obsession for you. you truly always want more and need to keep busy and productive to feel safe. don't let your insecurities stop you from pursuing your ambitions.

sun in the 7th house: you have a very strong sense of justice because of your capability of analyzing a problem from all different perspectives. you need to bring peace everywhere you go and to help others in any way you can. you have a special charm that others feel drawn to, and many admire you for your caring nature and talent at giving advice, making you often the center of attention in the middle of groups. sociable and good with words, you're very persuasive; although you might tend to identify yourself too much with what others think of you – you should understand that others' opinions aren't that important and it's how you view yourself that matters. you crave affection and are very sensitive when it comes to your relationships, you would do anything for your loved ones and you're very in tune with their needs. you can have people-pleasing tendencies because you're terrified of rejection. you're determined to succeed and to build an amazing self-image because you have a gift when it comes to social intelligence. can have some open enemies.

sun in the 8th house: can attract a chaotic life that pushes you into achieving transformations because that's how you grow and evolve, through the process of death and rebirth. you can't deal with superficiality and you crave deep connections with people, intimacy and to evolve with the person you love. creative. you may feel like the universe sends you messages so that you'll reach an awareness of some kind. you love experiencing new things and especially with yourself, you constantly look forward to changing your appearance and your spiritual or emotional views on the world. you feel a need for self-improvement. very secretive, you value privacy more than anything and you don't allow almost anyone to figure you out. you might be terrified of not finding people who want to connect with you as deeply as you want with them. tendency to isolate yourself emotionally, as in you might open up to others about superficial matters but when it comes to emotions, you're terrified of showing that part of yourself. you want to help others through their darkest times.

sun in the 9th house: you love learning and dream of exploring the world, it's like you can absorb any information that you get your hands on. very idealistic and dreamy, it's hard for you to keep grounded on reality and material things when you're so concerned with the metaphysical, to understanding the secrets of the universe and all that is spiritual, philosophical, religious and transcendental. so enthusiastic and curious, it's like you can't stay still for a minute and long to go on adventures. you can see the best in people, but be careful with only seeing their good parts – you need to understand that nothing is black or white and people are morally grey and complex, not all bad nor all good. might be very pessimistic if you've gone through something traumatic that completely shattered your perceptions of the good in the world; you might feel like things are never going to get better (i promise they are). very proud of your knowledge. high ideals and honesty. loyal to your beliefs always. careful with being too authoritative.

sun in the 10th house: when the planet of the ego falls in the house of social status, you seek power above all. you want fame, notoriety and to lead, and when not achieving what you want, you might become insecure. you can't help that ambition runs in your blood, but you should make sure you're doing things because you love doing them and not just to get recognized. it's like you need to achieve so that you can feel proud of yourself because you never felt that kind of support when you were younger, and achieving success feels like a life or death matter to you. you ooze charisma and you naturally draw attention to yourself, wanting to be recognized for your talents. very aware of how others perceive you. but even if you're a great leader, you hate following orders which can make you have problems with those in charge – be careful with making enemies and with stepping on others to get what you want, it’s very important that you keep a strong sense of morals or else you can grow to be arrogant and tyrannical. at your worst you can start abusing your power; at your best, you can use it to better the lives of all those around you like a true leader.

sun in the 11th house: here, the planet of ego is in the house of friendships, hopes, inventions and the collective, making you shine when you're able to help others. your friends are the most important thing for you, but be careful with identifying too much with them. you carry yourself with so much confidence, you're so full of life and with a love for learning and giving to others. eccentric personality and big dreams. you want to stand for a cause that matters to you alongside others who you love. others gravitate towards your magnetism, individuality and friendly nature, naturally looking up to you as a leader. if you happen to have been betrayed in the past, you might shut yourself completely from friendships due to a fear of trusting the wrong person again, but please don't deny yourself your need to socialize and to express your revolutionary ideas to others because you truly shine when you're around those who you trust and help you grow.

sun in the 12th house: you might have a very hard time understanding who you are and your identity, and because of this sense of unclarity about yourself + your intuitive and empathetic nature where you absorb others' energies like a sponge and need a lot of solitude to recharge yourself, you might feel like you need to keep a mask in public, to play a character to feel safe interacting with others. plus, it doesn't help that you have perfectionist tendencies and hate failing and making mistakes. there's a tendency to feel very insecure and misunderstood, and to feel melancholic and with turbulent emotions, so you should be gentler with yourself and allow yourself to express your sensitivities, the way you're so compassionate and giving. because even if you need time to recharge for introspection, you shine when you can help others. be careful with developing self-destructive behaviors. artistic tendencies because of the depth of your emotions and inner world. you can be truly wise and others might see you as an "old soul" because of that. you might be a night owl. psychic potential.

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ivesambrose · 3 years

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As promised, a late Christmas but early new year gift from my side. 💚

Choose the screen you feel strikes a memory from your childhood or your dreams or something that's been on your mind lately xo

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected]

Life hasn't been as harmonious due to the obvious circumstances have made you feel that this is your new reality now. Finding a new normal in where you've always been. But that's far from the truth.

Maybe you have strayed from something you had faith in, but in 2021 its time to get back in touch with that again. But I'm not seeing blind faith here, there's a sense of clarity. One you didn't have before and caused you foggines. I literally see a thick fog. You're going to have a chance to live what you've missed out on the year before.

There will be a boost in self esteem as well as desire to focus on focus on the sweetness moments in life has to offer. It's almost as though you're bored of the news, bored of the bitterness and being concerned. So to put it in simpler terms, your attitude has become rather Yolo.

I see some of you building immunity, focusing on what you eat, maybe even taking supplements for health. I literally see someone weight lifting this could be as literal as building strength / muscle. Good for you!

The start of the year it seems an idea will take a tangible form. I see some of you committed to learning something new or working on something that you would like to put out the public. I see someone devoted to some form of expression honestly.

It's also advised to protect your energy not everyone is going to be happy with your goals and plans.

You'll also be able to see beyond current circumstances. So long term plans will be the focus as well as a general attitude of, "I don't care anymore, I'm gonna do what it takes eitherway."

I also see you learning more about finances, savings, investments etc

There will be opportunities to travel or what was once halted will pick up.

Aquarius and virgo season are significant.

Some keys themes are,

- knowing when to leave a situation discreetly.

- again, know when to leave.

- recognizing opportunities and seizing them instead of awaiting validation or looking back at the ones that didn't bring you fulfillment.

I feel you've been restless and anxious throughout the year so now that sudden patience and understanding hits you, you're unfamiliar with this feeling. The, "I don't have to worry anymore you mean? I don't have to wake up feeling not messed up? That's suspicious!"

I see some of you finding some comfort in walking while listening to music, picturing different scenarios etc. You could be walking indoors or outdoors, doesn't matter. All I know is that it'll ground you. I see you feeling a little more stable as though you can rely on yourself.

I see you attracting a lot of wealth honestly. Money is just energy, eitherway you'll attract it. I think you'll tap into that power honestly. You might even find yourself having purchased something you consider a luxury item sometime this year. Increase in wealth will also give you a boost in other areas of your life. You may also take a liking towards warmer colors. You may like gold over black combination a lot too.

I'm seeing you heal an old would. Wanting more adrenaline in your life too. Some of you may dance, take up dancing etc something that gets the blood pumping.

There's also a theme of getting in touch with the emotions you have often kicked under the rug or have shamed yourself for and left unexpressed.

Why do I sense a more feral energy in some of you? Like you've been quiet for so long and settled for things but deep inside you are a wild, wild thing.

A cycle of turmoil is complete, the person you were in jan 2020 and the one you are in Jan 2021 are extremely different people.

There's also a connection you have been dreaming of or getting signs of but you're fearing the worst it seems too? Don't worry about it too much,

Significant months are Aries and Leo season.

Key themes for this year,

- relocation

- long distance travel

- flexibility

- multiple jobs

- silently knowing you're the baddest bitch ever

Calming of your nerves. No thought head empty. But in the best way possible since you've flushed out a lot of toxicity from your life. There's probably something you've incorporated maybe an affirmation, hobby, routine etc that you're going to be or are advised to be persistent about. Some of you may also be suffering from sleeplessness, nightmares, restlessness etc maybe even headaches, eye strain. You're truly advised to make your health well being your priority. Calming music, meditation, painting etc will help with this.

Your gift of visualization will be very useful for some reason.

You may have felt unrequited love in the past but this year brings about more synchronicity and balance. Its simply because you've chosen to bring the priority to you. So you won't be settling for less.

The biggest theme for you is breaking an ancestral pattern and shedding old skin. Don't be surprised if the whole year feels like a Pokémon evolution for you. It's high time to follow what you want instead of what others want for you.

I see some of you leaving a hostile/exhausting situation/residence to somewhere much calmer.

There's a key theme of rebirth and heeding the call of something you couldn't do earlier. Being more active in pursuit of your goals. I see you determined to do something for yourself.

I also see clarity of thought more assertiveness in your part and knowing when to command things into fruition.

Significant months are capricorn and taurus season. Even Gemini season.

Key themes for the year:

- don't blind yourself to the love you literally just manifested.

- it's okay to be selfish of your earned resources.

- as your shed your old skin, don't expect yourself to not have an upgrade.

- you indeed won and their gaslighting did not.

You feel you have lost your shine it seems...

As though you don't have the gifts or the right amount of talent or perhaps you feel disconnected with the things that once made you happy.

2021 is all about finding that sparkle and dropping the heaviness one day at a time. It'll be a transformative period from feeling lack lustre to discovering a whole new array of things you feel connected to. A lot of awakened creativity without the fear of having to prove to others that, "Hey look, I did this thing please validate." no. Do this cuz you want to. Do this even if you think its bad. You have to be persistent and allow yourself to improve.

I see a lot of you channeling certain emotions into creative expression or achieving something. Also a lot of connecting with nature by yourself since you feel the need to maybe isolate a bit or disconnect from people who drain you off your energy.

You'll be reaping a lot of rewards for your earlier efforts as well as the efforts you're going to put in. I get a picture of a tree filled with apples, the tree certainly belongs to you and you have your sweet rewards with you. Your patience has paid off.

You may also be drawn to cool tones or cool colors. You'll also learn that you don't need to be right or perfect all the time. It's a growing stage and if you don't learn from your mistakes then what's the point. I just see this year as being you keeping your peace and not dwindling in others business anymore simply because you seek peace from extra drama. I also truly see you dropping the need to be right and being stubborn cuz that's been hindering you for the longest time. There are people although few seeking to guide and help but you may have been subconsciously rejecting it.

I also wouldn't be surprised if some of you break up with current partners or a friend group to go different ways. You've been straying form things and not really growing. This year might be full of a lot of self awareness for you.

There's an opportunity that brings you emotional fulfillment of sorts too but you'll be lowkey about it. I also see you wanting to seek refuge from your own thoughts at one point. If you're an artist of any kind, this year is gonna be a benchmark for you. I can tell that. Perhaps admist this soul searching you'll find someone that aligns with you too. (this could be romantic or platonic)

Significant seasons are taurus and likely Leo season.

Main themes I'm seeing are that of,

- Finding people you feel at home with

- learning what you want to commit to before you decide in who.

- taking the risk to take certain journeys by yourself. You may think you're alone, but you'll meet souls just like you along the way.

- leave your comfort zone. Please.

You're truly about the collect the biggest glow up award and I would like to congratulate you in advanced. That's it. That's the overview.

Okay I'm kidding ofc I'm not gonna leave you at just that.

Something that is long inevitable will happen. You have been waiting for this. It could be a travel plan that did not come through because of the previous year. But whatever it is that you're waiting for is making its way to you and not just that, you're making your way towards something or some place to.

You maybe going the distance for something that has a lot to do with your career as well.

You have finally unlocked a hidden fire within you (for real I see a scarlet red and a flame) that is just so stunning like?? Some of you might just embody this sexy siren energy. Do not be surprised if you attract people left, right and center this year. But then again I see y'all being invested in your passions and one of these passions is being your best like, there's just so much 7 rings by Ariana energy here what even? Please own it!

Expect love offers. Expect love to come in. Although I do hesitancy here since a lot of you just had this sudden glow and are simply maybe not used to tenderness, honesty and affection.

I also see leadership, management and business skills is something you will learn this year. Also expect hearing certain messages in conversations and music I feel a lot of you simply connect deeply with music or it's connected with your life path.

Key themes for the year,

- A long term romance coming in. This person is such a charm, I feel as though when you were busy tending to your goals and looking at how far you've come, they come in for you. You saw them coming but it still feels unexpected.

Significant seasons are, cancer, virgo and scorpio.

- money saved secretly. Patience and constant efforts bringing in monetary rewards.

- connecting with like minded people

- travel, skincare, health, aesthetics.

- learning to be more graceful and composed

- slow progress is still progress. The most beneficial kind.

#tarot community #divination community #pick a card #free readings

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lxveshotaro · 4 years

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Return - Lee Jeno

Warnings: Sub! Jeno, Dom! Reader, Idol! Reader, Mommy Kink, Fingering, Mirror Sex, Public Sex?? Sorta

Plot: You were able to make it through Produce 48 and debut as a member of IZ*ONE. Although you were able to make this achievement your accomplishments were stripped from you when a scandal blew through everything. Your company failed to protect you so you ended up having to go on a hiatus. During your break the attention that was on you didn’t falter as more things began to grab the attention of reporters.

A/N: Okay wow this is LONG but I’m very satisfied with it. I hope the actual smut isn’t too short but yeah. I didn’t touch too much on the produce scandal or anything like that since I don’t know a whole lot about it and I didn’t think it was super necessary.

“Y/N of MNET program, Produce 48 will finally be making her return after a long hiatus.”

“After much consideration and many meetings, Y/N will be rejoining her IZ*ONE members mid promotion! Please give her a warm welcome as she takes the stage January 4th - 5th at the Golden Disk Awards!”

Being remembered by a scandal isn’t necessarily rewarding, in fact it’s quite the opposite. You were pulled from your group at debut because of a huge scandal regarding MNET’s TV show that you took part in. Your company specifically got tied up in the scandal pretty badly which didn’t do you any good. You were the representation for your company which is why you ended up receiving massive backlash. Of course the situation shocked you just as much as the other members. Many fans defended you and your group to protect you guys from any damage. Sadly, they couldn’t save you all in the end.

You were forced into a hiatus by the backlash and mess that surrounded you. Rumors spread like wildfire, we all know this so it wasn’t a surprise that one speculation of your company turned into you being pulled from your group for a while. During this time you kept in contact with the other members as you all hoped this would just pass, which it eventually did. It took a lot of convincing, tears, and stress but the day finally came where you would be able to come back as an official member of IZ*ONE.

You’re the multitalented and beautiful Y/N of IZ*ONE, it hasn’t been easy getting to where you are today. Many people have and will be jealous of you and your success. Even though you have a lot of people who despise you, the amount of people that love you outweighs them. Coming back after such a long time worried a lot of people, you most of all. You had prepared so much during your hiatus, between bettering yourself and learning choreographies that you would be able to perform with your members, you were stressed and tired. Your drive kept you going, you had a passion and you would fulfill that passion for the rest of your life.

You were running out of time to practice as you would be performing again in just a few days. Your members were extremely supportive and your instructor would stay late to help you practice the songs that you still needed help on. Your anxiety started to build up as the days passed, not because you weren’t confident in your performance but because it would be your first time in a long time to perform in front of so many people. This performance was super important to you so your lack of sleep and sustenance was well worth it.

Some of the members came by the studio to check on you. “Hey Y/N! We brought you food!” Eunbi was the first to walk through the door. You looked in her direction and smiled when you saw the bags from your favorite restaurant in her hand. As much as you wanted to decline the food and continue practicing you knew she wouldn’t allow that. Sakura also came in, she approached you with that sweet and beautiful smile of hers and brought you to the center of the room so you could all sit together. “Thank you guys.” You smiled at them adoringly, “I know you haven’t been eating well because of preparations so I wanted to make sure you at least ate today.” You nodded and started taking your food out of the bags. The members remembered the exact order that you always got which warmed your heart.

You guys ate together and joked around and shared quite a few laughs together, “Hey did you guys see who would be performing at the show?” You shook your head but you didn’t look up at Yujin as she spoke since your eyes were glued to your food. You weren’t listening for a bit but one name made it through your trance, “NCT Dream, Twi-..” Your hearing was being extremely selective because after hearing those two names your ears closed up again. Without making a big deal about it you just put your chopsticks down and pushed your food away. “Thanks for bringing me food you guys.” You finally looked up at the others who clearly noticed your odd reaction and knew why you acted the way you did.

“I should get back to practicing, I haven’t worked on my vocals much yet..” They took that as their cue to go, it wasn’t like you were upset with them, it was just that now you had to take a moment to just think. The girls started putting all of the trash into a bag while you collected the leftovers and packaged them back up. “Thanks for visiting me girls, I’ll try to make it home as soon as I can.” You hugged them all and said your goodbyes. Once the room was empty again you just stood there and thought for a moment. “Whatever.. I have a performance to do, this can’t distract me.” With that you went back to practicing lyrics and moves and also learning anything else that was difficult for you.

You forgot the chaos of getting ready for a show while you were gone. This stylists unpacking their things, the clothing racks with the groups costumes hanging on it, the make up artists with all kinds of brands laid out in front of them, all of this was so invigorating to you. You sat down in the makeup artists chair and let her pin your hair up and out of your face. She first massaged and prepped your face before starting to apply your makeup. This process was always relaxing, having someone brush your hair or having someone apply your makeup while you rested your eyelids. It was almost like it was meant for you to fall asleep, with your members singing sweetly and the facial massage you were getting you started to doze off.

“Y/N.” You opened your eyes and made eye contact with the makeup artist, “You fell asleep for a moment but I finished your makeup.” You bowed slightly and smiled, “Ah, sorry.” She shrugged it off and got ready for the next member, “Thank you.” Next was your hair which you finished with pretty quickly. The stylist caught your attention immediately afterwards, “Hey Y/N, come get dressed please.” You grabbed your things and disappeared to the back of the room for a while. The stylist decided to go for red and white outfits, your outfit particularly stood out as it had both colors and it was sparkly. You also wore a beautiful pair of high heels along with some really nice accessories to go along with it.

When you finished getting dressed you walked out while adjusting the belt on your dress. “Ohhh, look at Y/N!” Your members praised your appearance and came over to look at your outfit. The stylist did a really good job with tying all of your outfits together while also making sure each member was able to stand out in their own way. “Aww thank you!” It meant a lot that everyone was trying to make this a bit easier for you, they praised you, they hugged you, they made sure you were comfortable, this was all a team effort. You all took pictures together and separately so you could share them with the fans later on, but before you knew it the time had come where you had to go.

“Alright everyone, time to get in the car! The red carpet will start soon so we have to go now.” You put your jacket on along with the other members and followed them out to the car. The staff climbed in first and some of the members followed after them. You had to pick which car to go in which was easy considering the other ones filled up fast. You climbed into the car and with that you were on the way to your first red carpet appearance.

When you arrived everything felt like a dramatic movie scene. You watched the group that arrived before you take their pictures on the ending stage before disappearing into the building. Somehow you were the last one out of the car which further dramatized your long awaited arrival. You felt like crying from the overwhelming feeling that hit you right before you got out of the car. That bad feeling immediately turned to happiness when you stepped out of the car and saw your members standing there waiting for you. The fans' shouts rang in your ears and will forever be remembered. A huge smile came across your face as you waved at your fans. You smiled and laughed excitedly as you walked down the red carpet with your members by your side.

You all came to the stage and greeted the interviewer, “Oh! IZ*ONE has arrived!” The interviewer greeted you all excitedly as you got in the order that was pre-decided for you guys. You guys bowed and continued to smile and pose for the cameras as some of you were given microphones. The interviewer asked quite a few questions before leading up to this one, “You guys brought someone special! How has it been?” The members turned to you with smiles, Wonyoung who was standing three members from you passed down her microphone, “It’s been a hard journey but I’m truly honored to be back and to be able to perform for my fans again, thank you for the support everybody!” You gave two thumbs up and a smile. The next group had to come on now so you guys gave back the microphones, thanked the mcs, and went into the building.

After a while you guys were able to sit at your table and interact with your fans while you waited for the show to start. You played around with your members and interacted with fans by shooting hearts at them, blowing kisses, and taking selfies and including the crowd in them. As you were doing this a boy group started walking in the direction of your table. At no point did you look at any of the tables around you because you didn’t think it would be necessary. Your fans got super excited when they saw who it was which confused you. The group got closer and they passed your table. You finally saw who it was and where they were going to sit.

Of course it was only two tables away, it was NCT Dream. As they passed your table you bowed at them all and smiled a bit. Your smile slightly faltered when you saw him, your ex, Lee Jeno, of course people saw this since it was super obvious what just happened. You shook the situation off and continued interacting with your fans who were freaking out about it. You’re a playful person so you laughed at the situation and playfully shushed your fans who were talking to each other about what they all just witnessed. Even your members were taken aback by the situation but you all took to it lightly.

It’s no secret that your fans want you and Jeno back together, they comment on it, they say it, they did whatever they could to make that point known. It felt like there was nothing you could do though, you and Jeno are broken up and that’s the way it had to be. You haven’t even seen him or talked to him really since you went on hiatus so it has definitely been a really long time.

The show started so you had no time to think about that anymore, all you had to do was enjoy the show and wait until you would perform later, easy right? Wrong. The thought of Jeno being two tables from you, looking at you, thinking about you, talking to his members about you was eating at your brain. You were very bothered by this thought so you had to look over there, you just had to. Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible you only slightly moved your eyes in his direction. Whew, that wasn’t obvious at all or was it even more obvious. You were ripped out of your thoughts by a voice, “Y/N.” You looked around, a bit startled to be honest to see Yena’s seemingly worried expression, “Are you okay?” You nodded, “Yeah um.. I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” She nodded and stood up with you.

She walked with you to tell a staff member to direct you to the bathroom. As you walked you bowed to the celebrities sitting at the surrounding tables. You also waved at your fans as you made your way to the backstage area with the staff member. “Ah thank you.” You bowed once more to the staff member and walked into your dressing room first. Your belongings along with the other members' stuff was there. You looked at yourself in the mirror and took a breather. “Calm down Y/N, you have the whole night to go, you can’t ruin it already.”

You finally calmed yourself down and started heading back to the show. “Y/N!” Someone suddenly approached you from a left turn which scared you. You turned to see who it was, “What the fuck are you doing!?” It was Jeno, of course. He put a hand over your mouth to quiet you down but you quickly slapped his hands away. This time you spoke in a whisper, “My lipstick! What are you doing!?” He gave you a familiar look that usually meant he had something to talk about but before you could say anything he looked around and saw that nobody was around and he slipped into the bathroom that was close by. He pulled you in and locked the door behind him.

“Jeno, seriously?” You sighed, just looking at him pissed you off. “Y/N, would you just listen to me without thinking about what has happened in the past?” You rolled your eyes, “Yeah hold on, let me just forget that you threw our relationship down the drain like it was nothing, let me also forget that you left me at a time where I really needed you.” He looked guilty, “I know I was wrong, you don’t have to forgive me completely but please just listen.” You walked further into the bathroom and slightly lifted yourself onto the counter, “Make it quick, my members are waiting.” He suddenly started thinking of what to say, you were impatient since you didn’t want to see him. “Jeno-” He cut you off by speaking suddenly. He didn’t, no he couldn’t look up at you because the guilt was eating at him, “Listen, when the company came to me and told me that I had to end things with you.. Imagine how I felt. It felt like I was punched in my gut, it felt even worse when I told you that day.. seeing you cry like that made me feel like shit. I want to correct this as best as I can.”

You didn’t say anything you just kind of stared into the mirror blankly. Instead of watching him in person you just occasionally gazed at him in the mirror. He caught your attention with his big movement so you looked at him through the mirror. Jeno was lowering himself onto his knees which made you turn and actually look at him physically. “What are you-” He cut you off again, “I’m so sorry Y/N, please give me another chance.” Vivid memories of what you and Jeno used to do together came rushing back to you. You haven’t thought about these things in such a long time so it was an overwhelming feeling but you didn’t show how you were affected by it.

The sound of your heels clicking made Jeno finally look up. You came over to where he was kneeled pathetically in front of you. You placed your hand gently under his chin and pulled his face upwards more so that he had to look you in the eye. You bent down a bit, “Don’t worry so much baby, it’s not your fault, I know I was mad and I still am, but I won’t hold it against you.” Jeno looked relieved and puppy-like at the same time, “M-mommy..” That name, you haven’t heard it in so long. You bit your lip as you tried to fight off the urge to kiss him. Eventually you lost as you pulled him off of his knees by his chin and pulled him in for a hungry kiss. You pushed him against the counter, he put his hands behind him so that he could hold himself up.

Without even thinking you messily pulled on the jacket to his suit as you tried to remove it. You opened your eyes and broke the kiss for a moment so you could unbutton the jacket. Your eyes met his and you noticed small tears leaving his eyes, “Ooh baby, don’t cry, it’s okay, I won’t stay mad forever.” You wiped that tear away and cupped his cheeks to pull him in for another kiss, this time Jeno brought his hands up your back in an attempt to unzip your dress. You broke the kiss again and removed his hands from your back, you looked him in the eye, “Don’t touch, we don’t wanna mess up my appearance right? Today’s a big day, isn’t it?” Jeno nodded as if he was under a spell that you had cast.

You finally got his jacket unbuttoned and you pulled on his button up slightly and watched as some of the top buttons came undone. The top of his chest was now exposed to you. Your hand wandered his body and stopped right on his hard crotch, “Oh? What’s this?” He blushed slightly even though he knew you’d eventually notice, “Mommy.. You did it..” You smiled at him and acted innocent, “Oh did I?” You leaned forward and kissed his chest, your red lipstick stained his skin. You sucked on his chest leaving a deep red mark, Jeno sucked in sharply as you squeezed his erection harshly. You leaned forward again and attached your lips to his neck, Jeno pulled away from you, “Please- don’t-” It was too late, you had already left a mark there. Jeno was thinking about how he was going to cover that but your voice interrupted his thoughts, “We gotta go quick, we don’t want you to miss your performance right?” He shook his head quickly. “Then let’s get a move on it.”

You unbuttoned his pants, “Look in the mirror.” You turned him around but he watched you instead of himself, “No, look at yourself.” Once he did, you pulled down his pants swiftly, Jeno turned around and looked at you to see what you were doing. You pushed him down slightly and bent him over the counter. “You always cum the fastest from mommies fingers right?” He nodded and looked down at his hands. You slapped his ass which made him shift forward and wince at the stinging pain. Since you had no lube you had to keep using saliva but it worked in the end.

You rubbed circles over his anus for a bit. Jeno pressed himself backwards and against your fingers and looked at you through the mirror, “Please Mommy..” You still had to be quick so you smiled and nodded, “Okay baby, I’ll give you what you want.” You pushed him forward again slightly so he was almost flat over the counter. You then took one finger and slid it in, “I’m not going to stretch you that much, is that okay?” He nodded and bit his lip, “Please I wanna cum..” You smiled as you slipped another finger in. This used to be one of your favorite things to do with Jeno, seeing him with his legs spread wide open for you was always an amazing sight.

You held a steady pace and watched Jeno as he held his mouth open and whimpered quietly. He still wasn’t looking at himself so you reached forward and lifted his head. Your hand was resting under his chin, “Don’t you look so pretty? Getting fucked by Mommy’s fingers?” He shied away from your grasp, too shy to admit that he loved seeing himself like this. You sped up your movements which made Jeno whimper quietly. “Touch yourself.” He quickly grabbed himself and pumped himself at a fast pace. His legs shook and looked like they were about to give out under him. His moans became more audible over time.

Amidst Jeno’s beautiful noises falling from his mouth there was a knock on the door, “Y/N? Are you in there? The other girls said you went to the bathroom a while ago.” Jeno didn’t pay it any mind and continued to stroke himself. He was struggling to stay quiet so you covered his mouth and continued to finger him. “Yeah sorry! I ended up taking a call, I’ll be out in a little bit, I know I’m on a time crunch!” The staff member nodded even if you couldn’t see her, “Also, are you okay? Are you hurt?” She must’ve heard Jeno’s whimpers, “Oh yeah, I’m better now, I hit my hand on the counter..” The staff member nodded again, thanked you, and walked away shortly after. Jeno looked so fucked out when you looked back at him through the mirror, “Wow, you didn’t even get shocked, such a naughty boy.” He let out a moan that was muffled by your hand.

You moved your hand away from his mouth, “I’m close!” You slapped his ass again and he squealed which caused him to cover his mouth with his own hand. You laughed at him for a moment, “Go ahead.” With that you sped up your movements. Jeno choked out a few more moans before he spilled himself all over the floor underneath him. He slowed his strokes as he caught his breath, “Ooh so messy.” You pulled your fingers out of him and went to wash your hands. Jeno laid over the counter for a moment as he thought about what just happened. Your heels clicked as you walked to grab a paper towel for your hands, “Have fun cleaning this up.” You smiled at him and unlocked the door to leave.

You had made it back to your seat, your members and fans looked confused but it didn’t take long for them to start making speculations. You took your seat next to Yena again and got comfortable in your seat. You had cleaned yourself up, touched up your makeup, and made yourself look 100% presentable again. The other girls were giving you very suspicious looks as they waited for Jeno to come back as well. It took a while but Jeno returned from the bathroom, his hand was over his neck, probably because of the hickey you gave him. This time when he walked passed your table you just looked away which of course your very observant fans saw.

He sat at his table and the other members immediately started an interrogation, “Why are you covering your neck?” Renjun, who was sitting directly beside Jeno leaned in for a closer look. Jeno moved away from him and shooed him, “What took you so long?” He turned to his other side where Haechan was squinting his eyes suspiciously. Jeno let out a short nervous laugh, “I-” He couldn’t even get his lame excuse out before being interrupted, “You took a fat shit didn’t you?” Jeno’s mouth fell open for a second, shocked by his members unwillingness to listen, “No I had to do something.” The others rolled their eyes but left it alone for a moment, “You met Y/N didn’t you.” Him and Jeno made eye contact, a light blush washed over Jeno’s face at the mention of your name, “Ooh! Jeno’s got a girlfriend!!” Jaemin childishly added, “You guys are so immature.” Jeno was blushing and smiling like a high school girl while thinking about what just happened.

“You look happy Y/N.” Eunbi leaned closer to you and watched your facial expression change, “Did you and Jeno make up?” Yena, who was now tuned into the conversation also leaned in. You smiled and shrugged your shoulders, “Sorta?” Yena smiled really big, “Look at you! So happy!” You looked like a little kid with the way you were smiling, “It looks like you’re in high school again!” You shook your head, “No I don’t!” There was no hiding the butterflies you felt in your stomach.

You waved goodbye to your fans as you and the other girls climbed into the cars. Some of the fans were mentioning Jeno and others were sharing their love for you. Once you were in the car you looked out the window and blew kisses to your fans as the car pulled off. “That was so much fun!” You couldn’t stop smiling, not only because of Jeno but also because of your loving fans. “I’m so glad you were able to be here.” Eunbi held your hand and smiled, “I’m happy too.” Eunbi laid on your shoulder after you guys shared a warm smile.

“Y/N!” The voice shocked you so your eyes went wide but you looked over to see Hitomi. She was holding her phone in front of you, “You and Jeno are trending all over the internet right now.” She wasn’t lying, everyone was posting about how Jeno ran after you in a heroic kdrama kind of way. “I wonder how the company will feel about that..” You just laughed and shrugged it off even though you were thinking about Jeno. “People really want you guys back together, they always have.” You nodded, your fans and Jeno’s fans were always extremely supportive of the fact that you guys were in love. It was truly heartwarming. It felt as if it wasn’t up to you if you two ended up together. The reason you guys broke up was because of Jeno’s company, they threatened to terminate his contract.

It’s been a year since you made your return to the industry, one year since you and Jeno made up, and one year since you found happiness again. From that day on you had been working extra hard and earning respect from more fans and from SM Entertainment. SM has decided to allow you and Jeno to be together! There’s no more hiding out for you two!

“Are you ready to tell them?” Jeno looked nervous as he held the big surprise in his hand. He kissed the youngling on the head and nodded to you. Taking a deep breath, you started the live video. You only showed yourself on the screen as you greeted the fans. “Hi guys~” You waved and read the comments, they were asking where Jeno was since you guys were always together. Jeno put his hand in the camera and waved, “Hiiii!” The fans were confused as to why he wasn’t showing himself but you would reveal that shortly, “Okay guys, remember when Jeno and I told you all that we had a surprise?” The comments showed confusion, “Well, me and Jeno have decided..” Jeno crept into the camera frame, his hands were positioned weirdly, “We wanted to have something to care for together so..” Jeno smiled brightly as he lifted his hands and revealed an adorable puppy, “We got a puppy!!” Your fans put many hearts and called your little baby adorable over and over, “Please help us pick a name for our puppy! Put suggestions in the comments.” Jeno squinted so that he could see what people were saying. Many were jokingly putting weird names and some were being serious, this is going to be a long live.

#nct dream smut #sub nct dream #sub nct dream smut #nct jeno smut #sub!idol #sub!kpop #sub nct #sub nct smut #sub jeno smut #sub jeno #sub lee jeno smut #lee jeno smut #jeno smut

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passionate-reply · 3 years

Video

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“Why did Kraftwerk stop making albums?” they all ask, as though Karl Bartos isn’t right here, consistently kicking ass and making great music. If you’re hungry for more Kraftwerk goodness, specifically with an early 90s techno flair, you probably won’t do better than Esperanto, so come check it out! (Also featuring special guest star Andy McCluskey from OMD.) Full transcript below!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, I’ll be talking about an album not too many people have heard, but that I think more people really should--especially fans of Kraftwerk. It’s Esperanto, the 1993 debut of Kraftwerk alumnus Karl Bartos’s project, Elektric Music. The production of the final classic-lineup Kraftwerk LP, 1986’s Electric Cafe, had been dominated by frustrating delays, rewrites, and remixes, and when all was said and done, the resulting album was a relative flop. By the time of the 1991 remix album The Mix, which seemed to end Kraftwerk’s career with a whimper, Bartos had grown alienated from founding members Ralf Huetter and Florian Schneider-Esleben, and fed up with their apparent lack of work ethic. He set out on his own, partnering with Lothar Manteuffel of the Neue Deutsche Welle act Rheingold, to form Elektric Music.

What I think really stands out about Esperanto first is its sense of freewheeling, unrestrained immediacy. For nearly a decade leading up to this album, Bartos had been working at the whim of others, waiting around, and feeling like he was spinning his wheels. Esperanto feels like a tightly coiled spring that’s finally being released. It’s dense, busy, in-your-face music that positively demands to be paid attention to.

Music: “Lifestyle”

Vibrating at the core of Esperanto is an undeniable Kraftwerk-esque sonic template: textural synth side-swipes, chattering vocoder-driven vocals, and hypnotic, mechanical rhythms. It’s natural to expect that rhythmic quality from Bartos, since he was chiefly brought on to provide percussion parts for Kraftwerk, but it’s also important to remember that he’s as interested in pop music as he is in classical. Both Bartos’s solo work, as well as the Kraftwerk tracks he had a hand in, emphasize melody, in a poppy, easy to love manner. The melodies here have some precedent in Bartos’s earlier work, but they’ve never been quite as punchy and vibrant before.

“Lifestyle” also makes early use of vocal chops, which contribute to that tight and busy feel, while also being a marked attempt at pushing this core sound into the musical future. Some of these specific samples are actually repeated across multiple tracks, if you listen closely--a sort of callback to the repeated melodic motives of the early Kraftwerk albums. “Information,” a high-concept eight-minute epic that the rest of the tracklisting pivots around, is even closer to being structured like “Trans-Europe Express”:

Music: “Information”

Bartos has never really ceased struggling under the weight of his Kraftwerk past, torn between indulging in these ideas and themes that come so naturally to him, and feeling obligated to set himself apart--as well as obligated to push the envelope and break new musical ground. Esperanto radiates and burns with that sense of conflict, which feels fresher and more raw, given the timeframe involved. This tension between working with and working against the Kraftwerk legacy is not only musical, but also thematic. Like the Kraftwerk albums, Esperanto is deeply concerned with the role technology plays in our lives...but it’s a lot less optimistic. Take, for instance, the opening track, “TV”:

Music: “TV”

“TV” is Esperanto at its most gloomy or melancholy, portraying the detached haze of modern lotus-eaters transfixed by the glowing screen. It’s an image that’s readily familiar and relatable to us today, of course, and it’s also one that runs contrary to the techno-utopianism of Kraftwerk, where home technologies offer hope of bringing people together rather than splitting them apart, and disconnecting them from the real world. If that wasn’t enough to convince you to read “TV” as an anti-Kraftwerk screed, the lyrics even point to “computer graphics” and “electric bands” as fodder for that destructively distracting entertainment. Ouch! Along somewhat similar lines is the track “Kissing the Machine”:

Music: “Kissing the Machine”

“Kissing the Machine” is also a sort of rebuttal of Kraftwerk tracks like “Computer Love,” demonstrating the pitiful perversion it really is to expect human, emotional fulfillment from a cold and sterile mechanical contraption. Whereas “TV” is more overtly downbeat, “Kissing the Machine” takes the route of dramatic irony, going for an eerily cheerful, naive sort of sound, painting its narrator as utterly oblivious to what they’re missing out on. You probably noticed that the vocalist on this track is actually not Bartos--it’s Andy McCluskey, best known as the frontman of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark. Like Manteuffel, McCluskey is a younger synth-pop artist whose career began in the 1980s, making music that owed quite a lot to what Kraftwerk had achieved before. Bringing on some slightly younger talent is not only a nod towards keeping up with the times, but also another jab at the legacy of Kraftwerk, who refused to collaborate with any other musicians, and at times even seemed loath to acknowledge how the art of electronic music had evolved in their wake. As the title of Esperanto implies, the theme of language is also prominent here, and that serves as yet another way in which the Kraftwerk philosophy is turned on its head, most notably in the title track:

Music: “Esperanto”

While many people assert that it’s more “authentic” to listen to Kraftwerk in German, they made consistent attempts to incorporate a wide variety of languages into their work. Besides the English-language versions of their LPs, Kraftwerk also sang in French, Italian, Spanish, Russian, and even Japanese, to varying degrees. They were selling a vision of “Europe Endless” that was multicultural and multilingual, and seemed to have wanted people from all over the world to connect with them and feel included and represented in their future, rather than view them as some distant and peculiarly Teutonic phenomenon.

“Esperanto” flies in the face of the dream of linguistic unity. Esperanto itself is an artificial, constructed language, created by L. L. Zamenhof in the late 19th Century. Combining features from the most commonly spoken languages across the globe, and streamlining away things like irregular verbs, Esperanto was built from the ground up to become a true “universal language” for all of mankind, that was easy to learn and use. But despite the hopes of Zamenhof, whose name for his new tongue translates to English as “one who hopes,” it obviously never caught on. The most beautiful utopian vision in the world is still just a vision, and you can end up failing even if “you’ve got the perfect pitch.”

Kraftwerk’s longtime graphic designer Emil Schult, whose contributions to Kraftwerk’s signature aesthetic are nearly as important to their legacy as any of their music, returned to create the cover art of Esperanto. With its bright and simple red tone and strong use of diagonals, Esperanto’s cover art is clearly evocative of the iconic cover of Kraftwerk’s 1978 LP The Man-Machine, arguably the finest hour for the band as well as Schult. However, its abstract, non-figurative qualities set it apart from the work Schult and Bartos had done before, as Kraftwerk hadn’t made an album that didn’t feature their own faces front and center since 1975’s Radioactivity. The image of a rising sun is fitting for the idea of Bartos’s empowered return to music after a period of dormancy.

The world is full of people bemoaning the fact that Kraftwerk gave up on making new music, and the apparent irony of this band who appeared to be visiting from the future being absent from the world they helped create, in which “electronic music” has ceased to be a novelty and become a default. Karl Bartos may not be the most prolific artist in the world, but I’ve always seen him as the rightful heir to the Kraftwerk legacy, and I think his string of solo albums since leaving the band are the most worthy follow-ups that could ever have been paired with Kraftwerk’s classic run. Esperanto does everything you could possibly want a 1990s Kraftwerk album to do, staying true to that musical heritage while also pushing forward, and staking a place in the broader artistic conversation. I think everyone who identifies as a fan of Kraftwerk owes it to themself to give Esperanto a spin.

My favourite track on Esperanto is the closer, “Overdrive.” Unlike the readily apparent cynicism purveyed by tracks like “TV” and “Kissing the Machine,” “Overdrive” reads as a more complex perspective about technology and everyday life. It’s a portrayal of that all-too-modern scourge of overstimulation, that’s still ultimately a very exciting one, that sweeps you up in its triumphant “kiss of life.” Listening to its chaotic instrumental outro, I can’t help but feel that it leads directly into Bartos’s follow-up to Esperanto, 2003’s Communication--an album that would tackle the Internet age, and its inescapable virtual hustle and bustle, head-on. That’s all for today--thanks for watching!

Music: “Overdrive”

#music #great albums #album review #album reviews #karl bartos #kraftwerk #andy mccluskey #omd #orchestral manoeuvres in the dark #elektric music #techno #synth pop #synth-pop #synthpop

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simple-heroics · 4 years

Text

Momo Yaoyorozu Fluff Alphabet | Part 2 | Letters M-Z

Guys, I love her so much. This took awhile to finish but here it is! Read Part 1 here.

credit to creator of the fluff alphabet prompt list here

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

In a word…yes.

However, Momo never dreamed of marriage as a little girl nor did she ever feel like she needed marriage - or any relationship - to be happy. She has her family, friends, a fulfilling career, tea, and other passions (i.e advocacy, fundraising, etc.) to keep her busy.

Momo doesn’t date to get married or because she’s lonely or needs another person to feel complete. She dates you because she loves you. She marries you because she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. (Oh, and the legal benefits. One of which is that threats against spouses of various federal employees is a federal crime. Including pro heroes. Don’t fuck with Creati’s baby :) :) She will use every possible way to ruin a person’s life forever if they come after you.)

Basically, YOU make HER want to get married. And you bet your ass she’s gonna put a ring on that.

Forget about “stimulating the economy” and that trickle down economics bull shit. Momo is making your ring - a symbol of YOUR LOVE - herself, and only the best of the best for you. She spends hours researching designs, meanings of various gemstones, the durability of metals. All the “samples” she makes are a small fortune in and of herself.

When she proposes, Momo takes you to a botanical garden - the same one you both went to on one of your first dates. Literally rents the entire place out. While you walk around, you start to get nostalgic just as she hoped and reminisce.

Holding your hands, Momo talks about the first time she saw you, her favorite memories, how you’ve made her so happy. She tells you how you’ve changed her and helped her grow as a person, how everyday has been such a blessing.

Then she makes the ring, right then and there, for you. Softly, reverently, she asks, “Can we spend the rest of our days together like this?”

Marriage actually makes Momo much more comfortable with PDA. Whereas before she would only go as far holding your hand, now she presses loving kisses to your face and strokes your hair and is in general at least 20% more touchy. Marriage gives her a sense of security and - in a weird way - “propriety”. It’s one thing to lovey dovey with a datemate in public; it’s another to be affectionate with one’s spouse.

Oh, yeah. She loves the sound of it. Whenever your name comes up, it’s always “my spouse, y/n” or “y/n, my spouse”. It just makes her so giddy to say.

The feeling’s mutual of course. Anytime Creati is on TV, kicking ass or looking so pristine in an interview, you’re like:

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

Momo is full of sweet, doting nicknames: darling, my love, dear, dearest, beloved. These are usually accompanied by a kiss on your hand or temple.

All in private, though. You’d have to take her by surprise with a sudden visit to the office or it’d have to be an intensely emotional situation for Momo to call you those sweet names in public.

But Momo doesn’t need to call you a pet name in public for people to know who you are to her. Just the soft, almost reverent way she says your name - practically cooing it - says it all. Everyone knows that you’re her darling even if she doesn’t outright call you it in public.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Okay, so this is gonna be a little contradictory but…I see Momo as being both the most relaxed she’s ever been in her life and more focused than she’s ever been before.

You teach her that it’s okay to be herself and not this image of her “best self” she always has in her head. You make her feel safe enough to be let go of her perfectionism and accept her enough that she gradually drops one insecurity after another. She can be messy around you. She can be loud or quiet or giggly or grouchy or literally anything else. She’s just Momo with you.

Finally with some kind of outlet, the explicit permission to be free, it’s like watching an entire lifetime of tension slip away.

But….because you make her feel this, so happy and light and free, Momo is overwhelmed with gratitude and love that it kind of kicks itself in reverse. She has to be absolutely perfect for you.

And it can become a cycle. Not a great one, either. So please keep in check with each other and help balance yourselves out. Please. She just wants to make you the happiest person on earth which - in her view - is hard because you already do that for her.

Like I briefly touched on above and will even more so below, it’s Very Clear that Momo Yaoyorozu is in love. People who have known her for years have never seen her happier nor have her own colleagues ever seen her so…intense.

Because Momo has a very solid, very real reason to make it through missions waiting for her at home. She has a precious person to make the world a safer place for now. She was absolutely dedicated before but now? Now it’s personal.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Given Momo’s upbringing, the answer to most of these is no. Definitely not. Not only is Momo shy about PDA but she was taught that doing so is disrespectful to people around you and even your significant other. Japanese etiquette only affirms this. The most you can expect from your girl is holding hands or linking arms while you walk around.

That doesn’t mean Momo stops touching you in public. In fact, sometimes it’s like she can’t keep her hands off you but her affection is expressed in small, subtle touches disguised as helpful gestures.

Tucking your hair behind your ear, straightening your collar, dabbing the corner of your mouth, brushing imaginary lint off your shoulder.

As for bragging…Momo doesn’t necessarily “brag” about you. But she does talk about you. A lot.

Out with a friend? “S/o said hi!” Doing paperwork? “S/o got me this pen.” Eating dinner with a colleague? “I should bring s/o here.”

Momo absolutely adores you. Even though she doesn’t go shouting this to the word, it shines in the little things.

The biggest giveaway? The way she looks at you with those bright, shining gray eyes.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship. I just love this prompt for BNHA imagines.

Momo has a lot of secret talents that you’re always discovering at random. Her parents put a lot of thought and care into their only daughter’s upbringing, especially her education, and it shows. Your favorite so far?

Her dancing.

And it’s not like Ashido’s dancing or really many people your age. I am talking classical ballroom, mostly for the sake of those fancy banquets and soirees that the Yaoyorozus often attended. Momo knows how to elegantly through a ballroom as well as she does in the field.

But that’s not what you’re interested in. It’s the quiet, private part of your lives where’s it’s just the two of you in your home. No one else, no demanding tasks, no where to be. Just you and some lo-fi music.

Momo will gently take you in her arms and sway you around the room. And this is where you see her at her most relax, taking one of those skills hammered into her from a young age and just…letting go of all the rules. She makes it her own and just moves fluidly to the music, taking her with you.

Catch me when I swoon.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Extremely romantic! Didn’t I tell you that she’s doting? And affectionate? And absolutely mesmerized by you?

And looord, does she know how to treat you.

As she grew up without want for any tangible object in the world, Momo is not a gift giver. Love, to her, is expressed in the time you spend with a person. This leads to fun weekend trips, surprise visits on lunch breaks, concerts, you name it.

Momo always finds a way of incorporating a little personal touch into the most cliché of clichés and making them entirely your own thing.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

You have been nothing but supportive of her pro hero career - one that demands so much from Momo and by extension your relationship with her. And Momo is READY to support you in any way she can.

This girl legit researches and creates an entire long term plan on how you can achieve your goal, whatever it may be. School-related? Hello, Momo-sensei. Fitness goal? She goes to the gym and exercise with you, encouraging you the entire way. Artistic goal? Oh, what a coincidence. That random gallery owner happens to be a friend of her mother’s!

You maaaay have to pace her a little bit. She believes in you wholeheartedly but needs to be reminded that they’re your goals and you’re the one working towards them. Not necessarily you and your enthusiastic girlfriend.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Momo has a high risk job where people’s very lives are at stake. For god’s sake, she was thrown headfirst into danger in her first two weeks of high school with USJ incident and it’s just been one thing after another ever since.

Give her a routine. Give her that calming domestic bliss.

Seriously. It’s crucial for your relationship and Momo’s own mental health that she has some sort of routine with you. Routine is comforting; routine provides a sense of security and safety. For that, Momo sets some serious boundaries between her personal life - with you specifically - and work.

You won’t be going on skydiving dates or anything with Momo. But you will wish each other good night every night, whether you’re in each other’s arms in bed or phone when she’s away or even just text if she’s on a stakeout. It’s these little, consistent things that make your relationships so strong.

Understanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Part of the way Momo shows her love is learning you and everything about you. She’s spent hours dedicated to studying and now she studies you. It’s likely that she knows you better than you know yourself.

She knows everything about you: your favorite food, your hobbies, your goals, where you were born, who your best friend in high school was, everything.

She collects every piece of information about you, always listening and observing, and holds it close to her heart.

That said…and don’t hate me for this…but Momo isn’t the most empathetic person. Of course she’s kind and caring and an overall lovely person. But she is a person who follows things by steps, who uses logical thinking to predict people. Sometimes she gets so wrapped up in her line of thinking that she…misses out on the emotional side.

You’re probably the more empathetic person in this relationship, trusting your instincts and just letting yourself feel out situations while Momo tries to think her way through them. Both have their pros and cons, and it honestly teaches each of you a lot about each other.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Momo’s a busy woman. If she takes the time and energy to not only enter but maintain a relationship with you, you mean the absolute world to her.

And she reminds you of that every. single. day.

However…Momo is a selfless person. She gives a lot in the relationship and to you but to her, it’s not a necessity (close, though) but an indulgence. She sees herself as selfish for keeping you in her life, ever aware of the dangers of dating a high-ranking pro hero. She sometimes thinks of herself as selfish by staying with you, loving you, as she does.

Her worst fear is that you’ll suffer for her “selfishness” or be used against her in some way. Or worse still…that she’ll be forced into a situation where she’ll have to choose between you and her duty as a hero, between saving you or the public.

Even Momo doesn’t know which she would choose. She prays she’s never, ever put in the situation where she would have to make such a terrible choice.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

You know that one cool couple who is always hosting fun get-togethers with friends? Like, there are all of these monthly hang outs and yearly traditions that literally everyone in the squad looks forward to every year?

That’s you guys.

Momo LOVES playing hostess and you know how to have fun. Seriously, you’ve expanded Momo’s world beyond posh banquets and afternoon tea and she adores you for it. You host regular hot pots. Movie nights. Brunches. Beach days. White elephant parties. Every year there’s a cake baking competition with a golden whisk as the prize along with a full 365 days of bragging rights. (Bakugo, who didn’t even want to come, won it last year and will die before giving it up. Nobody cares who wins the golden whisk next year as long as it’s not that gremlin.)

Y’all know how to throw a party.

Probably of one the best things about this relationship is that you’re not in a “couple only” bubble. You cherish your other relationships, and it shows in how you often include others in your lives. :)

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Doting. Doting is the exact word that comes to mind when I think of Momo and affection. Almost immediately after meeting you, Momo was just so achingly fond of you and those feelings simmered for loooong while before the confession finally happened.

Now she just can’t help herself.

If she’s not playing with your hair, she kissing your fingers. If she’s not doing that, she’s hugging you. If it isn’t a hug, it’s a full on cuddle session where she kisses your face and holds your hand and murmurs sweet affections and -

Yeah. Momo restrains herself in public to subtle, sweet gestures but once your alone? She makes up for lost time.

Her favorite is leaving soft, delicate kisses on your temple after tucking your hair behind your ear and whispering how much she adores you.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Momo keeps incredibly focused and on task at work. But as soon as it gets quiet and she’s alone…she yearns. She pines. She sighs. And she video chats you.

She does a very good job of staying in touch and communicating when you’re separated for any reason. Like I mentioned above, Momo always wishes you good night. And good morning. No matter what.

Please send Momo encouraging texts throughout her long, hard day. Please send her cute pictures. Please tell her love just because and tell her you can’t wait to see her again. It’s those little things that get her through missing you.

On a more angsty note…Momo worries about you. A lot. She has actual nightmares about something bad happening to you - being held hostage for ransom, a villain looking to get revenge against Creati, you getting caught up in a random public attack and her being unable to save you. These nightmares are at their worst when she’s away from you. The longer the separation, the more vivid and terrible they are. There have been times that she’s called you in the middle of the night just to hear your voice - the only thing that can calm her pounding heart and soothe her enough to go back to sleep.

So while she keeps in close constant because she does miss you a lot, Momo also does so to give herself some peace of mind. She needs to know you’re okay.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Y E S. Oh, my god, yes. Momo would do anything for you.

Sometimes, it honestly scares Momo how much she would do for you. She’s always been a dedicated person, a true perfectionist that approaches everything with well thought out strategy. She does things by steps. She’s the woman with a plan.

Then you came along and her whole universe imploded, forming a whole new one in the dust of her past and creating something new and unfamiliar and beautiful and terrifying.

So much so that even Momo doesn’t know her own limits anymore - not when it comes to you. She had lines before, boundaries, places she would not go. But with you? God only knows what she wouldn’t do for you.

Momo doesn’t like to linger too long on what kind of incredible, possibly terrible things she would do for you if pushed. But she promises herself that she’ll do everything in her power to keep it from coming to that.

#bnha imagines #bnha imagine blog #bnha headcanons #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia imagines #boku no hero imagines #boku no hero headcanons #momo yaoyozoru #yaoyorozu momo #yaomomo #momo yaoyorozu x reader #yaoyorozu momo x reader #yaoyorozu x reader #creati #fluff #fluff alphabet #with a bit of angst ngl

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readingsbylibramc · 3 years

Text

birth chart reading for @joonie5

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a bucket shape, with mars as the handle of the bucket. your mars is in the 6th house, hence matters regarding work, health and routine will be your priorities in this lifetime. you also have clear ideas about your future and who you want to be. even though you may have different passions and talents you’re capable of only sticking to one and mastering it, giving your all.

your dominant planets are uranus, mercury venus. you are a particularly smart individual, you're probably very witty and you always manage to come up with original and innovative ideas. in fact, you're very creative, and you may even express yourself through some sort of artistic hobby for example.

your dominant sign is aquarius. you're eccentric and rebel, you don't like being told what to do. you're very considerate of others, as you focus more on the development of a group rather than your persona. that's because you want the people you frequent to be as open-minded as you are. aquarius people are capable of elaborating different ideas in a short amount of time; hence, you either overwork yourself, or you're not able to keep up with all your ideas, leaving projects unfinished.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in gemini, 11° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive, even though this energy may not be much prominent; it may be perceived differently due to your virgo energy, in fact. that’s because virgo prefers organizing things, rather than acting impulsively. yet, this placement still helps you being adaptable to changes, even though you may only be able to see it after a few years if you manage to balance it well. you may also be able to match the energy of the people you’re talking to in order to be perceived as more likeable and connect with everyone on a deeper level. you may be so focused on making up your emotions, that you could forget to feel them, though. this may eventually cause crisis in an individual. you may be fond of books, poetry, literature… both writing and reading. it’s also a way to let yourself tune to your emotions. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. appearance-wise, I assume you’re at least of average height, with long limbs and fingers. you have something small about your face; you may either have a small nose, or eyes, lips etc. same thing goes for your bones. you may be naturally skinny. you also tend to look younger than you actually are, especially when growing up.

gemini ascendant opposite sagittarius pluto: you're aware that the world is too nasty for your honesty, hence you may have trust issues. even though you are friendly, you're very picky about who you decide to actually call your friend. you may constantly feel lonely, as if no one were willing to listen and understand you. you live with the fear that others may take advantage of you, hence you end up doing it yourself, unconsciously. you may be controlling, but your chart hints that it's not too much of a big deal. you may have the tendency to do it sometimes, but it's mostly a bad trait of your past life. the universe is testing you to see if you've learned your lesson or not. you have all the skills to avoid this type of behaviour now that you're aware of it.

🌞 sun in capricorn, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by saturn and venus

you're an extremely ambitious and hard-working person. you have a goofy side to you, and with your gemini rising I don't think it's hard to let it out. nonetheless, you put a lot of seriousness in your goals. you aspire to be the best, not only for yourself, but also to be recognized. you don't do it to brag, though. you just want to feel fulfilled, being good at something boosts your self-esteem. in fact, you're quite insecure about yourself. you're a perfectionist, you always want to be at your best state, and that could pressure you. since you were a child, you always took care of your responsibilities, in fact you probably didn't find yourself at ease around your peers at school. you get along more with older people, or that are at least as mature as you, as you grew up sooner than other kids, with a strong sense of duty. you tend to be a bit too materialistic; for example, when thinking about a gift, you immediately think about something material that costs money, not something handmade, for example. money is very important for you, and you aspire to achieve a great status in life. you're also quite pessimistic, you never set your expectations too high, mostly out of fear. you're constantly afraid that things could turn out the way you don't want them to be, as you always want to have everything under control. because of that, you may even appear as bossy or snobby, as you may have the impulse to control people as well. you don't do it out of malice, though, it's something very subconscious that comes from fear. fear of not being able to achieve your goals and being criticized by others.

capricorn sun conjunct capricorn mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy gemini dominance makes you naturally good at writing poetry, or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

🌙 moon in aries, 24° / 3rd decan ruled by mars and venus

you aim for greatness. this is where your strong desire to be the #1 comes from, pretty much. you're very proud of yourself, and you don't like to acknowledge your mistakes. you always want to look like you have your life together, even in certain moments when you feel lost. I would say that this is a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you can literally go as far as forcing a smile if it shows the world that you can stand by yourself. overall, I would say you deal with your emotions in a very 'child-like' way; after all, aries is pretty self-centered. you tend to preserve yourself more, unless someone really special to you is involved. in fact, aries moon makes you really protective of your loved and trusted ones, even though they're not many because of your high standards. you're also very honest, you speak from your heart. while it's a positive trait, you may be too blunt and ruin your relationships because of that. you're both smart and fast, hence you may get annoyed when people mishear or misunderstand your words.

aries moon square capricorn mercury: your thoughts and feelings are constantly in contrast with each other. your capricorn mercury desires privacy and formal, mannered relationships, your cancer moon wants more fun and action. this results in indecisiveness, you change your mind pretty often, and that can cause you conflicts due to communication problems. you're also pretty opinionated, you don't hide your feelings when you act by impulse. at least, the positive side of this placement is that you're probably very intellectual, capable of taking in consideration both the subjective and objective side of an argument.

🗣 mercury in capricorn, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by saturn and venus

you can come off as cold by the way you speak. when you're speaking to someone you're not close to, you choose your words more wisely and patiently; with your friends, on the other hand, you take off your mask and you just act the way you feel to. you may also be the type to give dry answers, such as 'ok', 'alright', 'good' and so on. your tone is calm and placid, while your voice sounds quite youthful, but still with a note of steadiness. you're funny, but your humor is more sarcasm-based. you're not intimidated easily; even when someone tries to argue with you, you don't back up from it. you may dive deep into your mind to find the right answer you to your problem. even if it takes you some time, you manage to find a solution. a downside to this is that you may lack patience; you are very efficient, and you want people to match your standards.

❤️ venus in pisces, 0° / 1st decan ruled by neptune

you’re hopelessly romantic, to the point that you almost look naive. you’re not simply looking for a partner or spouse, you’re looking for a soulmate; someone you can literally communicate with just using your eyes, someone that knows how to make you feel even messier on the inside. you like to nurture and feel nurtured in a relationship. your ideal lover would be sensitive and empathetic, yet still with a sort of rebel vibe to them. this placement is indeed very lovely, but it has its downsides too, of course. the problem is, pisces makes you idealize your crushes/partners way too much, to the point that you create an image of someone in your head that turns out to be the opposite at the end. you ignore your partner’s flaws, as they seem perfect to you. pisces also attracts 'broken’ persons, so you may be prone to find yourself people with any kind of illness or addiction. you also have the tendency to fall for people who may hurt you because they’re unavailable, either physically or emotionally. you could possibly also crush on celebrities, movie characters etc. that’s because you’re more the type to fall in love with love, rather than with the actual person.

pisces venus square gemini jupiter: you come off as a very positive, happy-go-lucky person. you're extremely friendly, and this makes you be good at social relationships. you may have lots of friends, or at least you have the potential to make many if you opened up and talked to them. yet, while this energy gives you positive vibes, some people may take advantage of that, as you could easily be mistaken for naive. people can try to dominate you unconsciously (sometimes even on purpose) not only in relationships but even in friendships. aside from that, I don't think this placement causes you many problems. you may have the tendency to procrastinate and not work. you could be quite lazy and get easily distracted, as you're constantly with your head in the clouds. yet, thanks to your capricorn energy, you still manage to find some motivation to do your work.

pisces venus square taurus saturn: you feel unable to love someone, or perhaps you feel pressured from others to hide your love, maybe it's your shyness or it could as well be other factors. this placement usually brings fear of committing, causing the individual to be flaky. there are two possibilities; I assume you directly avoid to get into relationships. your mind may unconsciously repress any thought about an eventual crush or love interest. it is caused by your insecurity, especially regarding your looks. or perhaps, it’s the other way around: you literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. you could feel pressured to be in a relationship, even though it’s not your priority. this is something that is mainly caused by insecurity, whether you realize it or not, even though it's something that will get better with time, especially since you have a strong capricorn dominance. don’t be afraid of not being enough, because you are. but if you don’t realize it first, others won’t. you have to be your own healer, and you’re totally capable of doing that.

☄️ mars in scorpio, 6° / 1st decan ruled by pluto

you’re an extremely goal-oriented person. you want to be the best at everything you do, not only to be better than others but also the best for yourself. you’re very astute, it’s impossible to trick you, and you always find a way to be in charge and get what you want. yet, you can get quite obsessed about your goals, that you could do extreme things to get what you want. in fact, people with this placement can even manipulate others, as they’re totally capable of doing that. yet, I don’t see many placements that point out to that in the rest of your chart, aside from your gemini rising. in fact, you are probably a very smooth talker, as I've already mentioned above. people are naturally attracted to you, you have a way with words, and hence you’re always able to convince others into giving you what you want. but luckily, this doesn’t turn into manipulation, you probably don’t even realize this skill of yours, and hence you don’t use it to damage others. when you get angry, you could actually seem scary. your emotions are very intense, it’s hard to calm you down. mixed with your aries moon and capricorn mercury, you may be very sarcastic and aggressive with your words. you could hurt people, but you don’t do it on purpose. most of the time, you don’t even mean the things you say. you may also vent your anger with physical action, hence you could slam doors, punch or break things etc.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in gemini. your ego feels fulfilled when you express your opinions, ideas and creativity. people probably see you as an intelligent, wise individual. maybe even as a know-it-all. you care about both your inner and outer self, which may be the cause of your confidence issues. you try to fit into society, and you tend to change your approach to people based on who you’re interacting with. while this gives you great social skills, it may confuse you quite a bit. in fact, you may forget who you are. you may often have identity crisis, especially since you always feel as if you have to fit somewhere. with the ruler of the 1st house in the 8th house, your life is oriented towards experiences and earning money. you probably love having deep, meaningful bonds with others, and you could also be quite picky in choosing your friends. you may be interested in the the occult and spiritual matters, like tarots, astrology, etc. you probably ask yourself about the meaning of existence a lot, for example, you’re constantly looking for the truth. above all, you love learning about yourself, and that also explains why you decided to book a reading.

your 2nd house is in cancer. your family, home and cultural background may play a big role in your finances. you may earn money through your family’s business, or maybe you actually work with your family. you may also work from home, especially online/through social media. your adaptability is your greatest strenght; you’re probably good at a different variety of jobs, hence it may not be hard for you to find something to cope before deciding your definite career. this also confirms that your values, self-worth and security were shaped by your roots, childhood and family. the ruler of the 2nd house is in the 11th house; having a dream, a goal to pursue and working hard for it is a great help to boost your self-esteem and be more self-aware. you may actually make money out of it, you could pursue the career of your dreams and earn a nice income from it. the 11th house also rules friendship, hence you could have many wealthy friends, or perhaps they help you feeling more confident. you’re probably more sociable when you’re in their company.

your 3rd house is in cancer. your parents were probably successful in school and university, and they passed down their knowledge to you. maybe, you felt so pressured to meet their expectations that you became insecure about your abilities. you may also find yourself talking about your memories, as you’re very attached to them, or even directly about your childhood/parents. you could, for example, write very personal poetry or books, you can’t help but tune in all of your feelings when you express yourself through words. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 11th house: you may often find yourself thinking and talking about your goals. especially with your capricorn dominance, you are an hard-working individual who always tries to get their job done, and hence you may often talk about your achievements, your goals and expectations. you may also have lots of friends, especially from school, or at least you love talking to them, you have witty friends who you can have interesting and stimulating conversations with.

your 4th house is in leo. your family had great expectations of you, which could eventually led to anxiety/self-esteem issues. on the other hand, your parents cared about you, and they always made sure they let you have everything you needed. if you have siblings, you were most likely the favourite child in the family, or at least you were spoiled by your parents, both with material things and affection. overall, your childhood wasn’t much turbulent, I don’t see any kind of trauma. the ruler of the 4th house is in the 8th house: you could come from a possibly wealthy family, or perhaps you have quite of a secretive family. they may not go out too often, you may not like inviting people over for example. also, your family could have received an inheritance, or perhaps you’re the one who’s going to receive an inheritance from your family.

your 5th house is in virgo. you enjoy relax, yet you may feel guilty to abandon work for a while. you always feel like you have something to do, and that doesn’t allow you to fully enjoy your rest time. make sure to always find some space for yourself, though. it’s where your energy resides, you feel at home and comfortable exploring your abilities, you shouldn’t take them for granted. also, this enhances your writing abilities even more. in fact, you’re both creative to create stories and rational to tell them objectively and in a clear manner. the ruler of the 5th house is in the 8th house: your hobbies involve occult topics, such as astrology, tarots, horror etc. you probably also love spending your spare time by yourself. you’re quite of a loner, from this point of view, and you may possibly feel sad about it.

your 6th house is scorpio, with mars placed here as well. you may be passionate about routine, self-care, health and work, to the point that it looks (and feels) obsessive. you may attract enemies in your daily life, e.g co-workers that are jealous of your ambition. you might have to undergo different changes in your routine and health throughout your life, which can literally transform you both physically and emotionally. mars here makes you extremely hard-working and effecient, especially combined with your capricorn energy. you are a precise person who always strives to be the best at everything you do. the ruler of the 6th house is in the 7th house: you may come in contact with people very often in your day-to-day life. you may have a job that requires social interactions, for instance, or perhaps you're just the type to spend and enjoy time around others. possibly, you could even find yourself dating your co-workers, and you may actually marry someone from your workplace.

your 7th house is in sagittarius, with also pluto tightly conjunct the descendant. you want your marriage to be a constant travel for you, in which you can both relax and learn. you want to marry a witty and impulsive partner, that is also fun to live with. you may often find yourself falling for unavailable people, either physically or emotionally (or even both). pluto here can make things a bit complicated, though. in fact, pluto in the 7th house indicates that you may have a turbulent marriage, you may often fight with your spouse. in the worst case, this could even escalate as physical violence, not only verbal. there could also be lots of power struggles and competitiveness, you feel as if you always the need to be superior to feel secure, and this could interfer in your relationships. of course, this doesn't have to be 100% accurate, you have lots of easy aspects in your chart, but I'd keep that in mind if I were in you. the fact that jupiter, the ruler of this house, is in the 12th house, indicates that you may actually dream about your future spouse, or just about your lovers and people that surround you in general. actually, you may even have a connection with your spouse, you could've already met in another lifetime and therefore you two are soulmates.

your 8th house is in sagittarius, and the sun and mercury are also placed here. you’re very curious when it comes to taboo topics, you like learning about them, especially with also mercury being in this house. you’re probably into conspiracy theories, as well as matters like astrology, tarots, horror, tragedies, violence… you’re most likely interested in them, and you may work in a field related to these topics, for example you may become a criminologist, a detective, a psychologist etc. you could also experience lots of karma in your life; that is, if you’re mean to someone, then others will be mean to you too. try to always do your best, the universe will surely appreciate that. you could have strong feelings, but you probably struggle to let them all out. you may particularly good at public-speaking, but actually you’re overall quite secretive, you don’t mind being by yourself. the good thing about 8th house is that, while you suffer, you also transform and grow up to learn from your mistakes. therefore, having an 8th house stellium isn’t a curse like other astrologers say. the ruler of the 8th house is in the 12th house: your self-growth process happens when you’re able to stay by yourself and explore your own mind, you probably think a lot. you also love learning about psychology in general, spirituality, etc. actually, you may even be skilled at reading tarots, birth charts, or at least you have the potential to be good at it.

your 9th house is in capricorn, with also uranus and neptune sitting there. you have a pragmatic approach to philosophy, school and experiences in general. for example, you may be the type to plan every day of a travel. at school, you were probably the type to prefer more logical subjects, but I assume that you were good at all of them. you’re most likely extremely curious about anything the world has to offer. you want to make new experiences and adventures, you want to find out anything about other cultures, places, etc. to open your mind and gain some new knowledge. you probably love travelling, and you may have quite a few dream destinations to visit. the 9th house is also about higher education, and hence you’re probably successful at school. you most likely enjoy studying, and you could get more than one degree actually. or perhaps, you got to study different subjects before choosing your final university, you were quite indecisive at first. neptune is also placed in this house, while the ruler of the 9th house is placed in the 12th, enhancing this energy. you may be a very creative and imaginative individual, you could daydream very often and you tend to literally 'travel' with your mind. you may even be a good writer, you may like reading fantasy books or perhaps you're goot at writing that genre. you could also be fascinated by abroad lands, you may see them as a dream in your eyes.

your 10th house is in aquarius with also your venus placed there. you want to stand out from the crowd, you strive to establish your own morals and beliefs. you don’t want to conform to anything and anyone, as you’re a trend-setter and you want to be seen as such. you’d rather have a job where you can handle your work yourself, rather than having a boss. in fact, aquarius in this house makes you extremely resolute and motivated to achieve your goals and be independent. you may not be much interested in love, and if you are, you don’t overlook career either. having a stable and successful future that makes you happy is the key for happiness in your life. it could take you some time at first to be recognized for your efforts. you may easily experience 'almost-winner’ situation, and hence you could often make silly mistakes that ruin your work. it’s important to be focused when working, especially for you. yet, once you know how to balance this tricky energy and get your stuff together, you'll earn a reputation for being an innovative and original person. you may be quite artistic, creative and emotional, you'll probably focus your life on self-expression. venus in this house is another placement that indicates that you may often date people from your work place, or maybe even people older than you. also, since venus is your most elevated planet, your life probably revolves around love, as well as creativity. in fact, your career could possibly involve beauty, like fashion, make-up, etc. or maybe arts. you could be a singer, a writer... you would also do particularly well at politics or law.

your 11th house is in pisces, with also your moon sitting there. you probably had problems with your friendships in your early years. you could have been too shy to approach people, hence you struggled to befriend them. or maybe, you used to gossip around, and that led you to lose them. or perhaps, you’re too work-oriented to find some spare time to hang out with others, and hence you end up losing your bond with them. in the best case, you may have quite spiritual / religious friends, or perhaps they’re your soulmates, they were a part of your past life. you have this habit of idealizing them a bit; that is, you may be too picky in choosing your friends. you’re probably looking for the type of friend that’d literally throw themselves under a car to save you, but it’s hard to actually find someone like that. open up more and accept others as they are. you don’t necessarily need to be with them for a long time, but make sure to learn your lessons from them. it’s what your life revolves around, after all. the moon here makes you care a lot about your friends; even though you may argue a bit, their presence in your life is still very fundamental for you, they're most likely the ones to bring fun and adventure in your life. we could say that they literally feel like home to you, you feel completely comfortable with them, and you may even have lots of childhood friends. with the ruler of the 11th house being in the 9th house, you may have friends that live far away from you, maybe even abroad, and that have a different cultural background from you. you may also have long-term goals related to the abroad, you may want to learn another language or travel around the world. perhaps, you may even want to go live abroad, or at least you strive to learn as much as you can about the world.

lastly, your 12th house is in the sign of taurus. you’re secretly sensitive and affectionate, but you may have issues finding it out at first. in fact, the center of your life is your own intellectuality, these venusian traits are probably yet to develop. you may feel attracted to spirituality, but you’re quite lazy to actually dive into it, as your jupiter and saturn conjunction suggests. you’re quite secretive, but maybe because you don’t know how to get in touch with your feelings. using tools like meditation, astrology etc. are important for you to understand what you truly need from life. luckily, I assume that you're already working on getting more in touch with your higher self, otherwise you wouldn't have booked a reading. anyways, spirituality for you is particularly important; in fact, with this saturn and jupiter influence, all you need to do is work hard for yourself, as much as you work for others. the universe is going to pay you back. plus, I assume that manifestation and law of attractions work particularly well for you, I'd definitely try that out. your 12th house’s ruler is in the 10th house: getting in touch with your hidden, subconscious and higher self will be crucial to help you grow up and gain success. you may be interested in topics like astrology, psychology etc. most likely to get to know yourself, but your chart points out that you could easily turn these hobbies into a job! or perhaps, you may have a reputation for being secretive, you may not say much about yourself in professional relationships.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract sagittarius, virgo, libra, scorpio, pisces and aries placements. your future spouse may also have sagittarius/scorpio energy, maybe a sagittarius - scorpio cusp. you need someone who’s adventurous, funny, outgoing and witty, that can also stand up for themselves with no hesitation. you’re also into the magnetic, sexy type. you’re looking for someone independent, but that wouldn’t mind dedicating their time to you. you may feel unlucky in love, as your sagittarius descendant makes you attract people that are usually unavailable, whether it’s physically (they’re abroad) or emotionally. you may marry someone of a different culture/country/religion from yours. you may also meet and marry abroad. you may meet through your family, or maybe at your workplace as I’ve already mentioned before. they could also be someone you already know, probably from your childhood. your children will most probably have very prominent mercurian energy, hence gemini or virgo, or maybe they could also have leo or cancer placements; they’ll love to be spoiled with affection, they’ll love material things like toys, food, clothes etc. but they’ll also be very smart and creative.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably very hard-working, and she has a strong role in your family. she loves being spoiled and appreciated, together with receiving attention. yet, she could sometimes be quite superficial because of that, but deep down she's very romantic and mannered. she may have leo placements, or any fire / 5th house placement in general. your father is a bit colder than your mother, and he might be an aquarius or have any type of air/capricorn placement in his chart. your father could be a bit moody and / or unpredictable, and he may also have some addictions in the worst case. yet, he also has a very sweet and romantic side to him that he may struggle to let out. he could possibly also have taurus placements. if you have siblings, they’re probably cancers/ water signs. if you’re the elder sibling, you probably used to take care of them to help your mother. on the other hand, if you’re younger, then your siblings were the ones who nurtured you with your parents.

📊 career

as I’ve already mentioned above, you could work abroad, or at least with different languages/cultures. you’re probably naturally talented in this field, it would be a shame to overlook it. you also most likely have great communication skills and writing abilities. you’re very logical and precise, you’d definitely do well in a field that requires calm and organization. I can also picture you being an amazing teacher or even professor. based on your other placements, you could also do well at literally any creative career! you may be a dancer, a singer, or even something more complex like a creative director. in fact, with your aquarius midheaven, I feel like you'd rather be in charge in your job rather than be submissed to a boss. you’re very intuitive and observant, but also logical and rational. otherwise, you could also be successful as a designer, an architect, a scientist… something that allows you to be mostly independent, but that can still guarantee you mental stimulation and a decent income, and that also allows you to use your creative uranian energy.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

you love wearing comfy, even over-sized fits, but that still look stylish and modern. for example, you may be fond of wide leg trousers, oversized t-shirts or sweatshirts... for the colors, you may fancy pastel colors, especially different shades of blue, or even just natural colors, such as white, beige, kaki etc. you may also like wearing baby/pastel colors, and you may experiment a lot with accessories. you may wear lots of bracelets.

👁 past life, life purpose

during your past life, you probably didn’t have as many challenges as in this life. you most likely used to depend on someone else; perhaps, you married someone rich, hence you didn’t really have to work for your resources. this lifetime, you need to step up your game and become independent. your path to luck and abundance may be long and steep, but your venus being conjunct the north node indicates that you may achieve great personal success in this lifetime. you just need to work on your self-esteem and have stable finances, you shouldn’t over-indulge. to boost your security, you could try using loa, as well as the advices I gave you above.

🤔 major transits analysis, december 25th

in the last few months, you could have had (and you may still have) problems with your friends, as mars and chiron, two malefics, are both transiting your 11th house. you may argue and discuss often, or perhaps you even lost a few friend during this span of time. also, since your natal pluto is conjunct your transit venus, you may feel particularly moody in these days. it could be that you're starting to crave love or communicating in general in the first place, but in addition you also feel the need to change. you may feel very intense emotions, but at least you have a stronger will-power, therefore your manifestations may come true quicker for instance. just be careful not to stress yourself by being too bossy or suspicious.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

your secret skills revolve around finances and just security in general. with a positive attitude, you may attract material luck: money, clothes, houses… everything that you desire. since you’re a logical person, I assume the most efficient way for you to manifest through the LOA is writing! take a notebook and just write down positive affirmations, such as 'I have the car of my dreams’ etc. you may also write them on post-its and glue them around your house, so that you can accelerate the progress. you can also try to idealize your wish before trying to manifest it. for example, if you want a new sweatshirt, try to imagine yourself wearing it. you could also go into a shop and actually try that sweatshirt it on; being in contact with it will boost the law of attraction even more.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, let me know if you have any questions :) - libramc xx

#astrology

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the-starless-sky · 4 years

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[sb69fes] Prologue: Nostalgic MIDICITY (1-1)

Prologue Section 1: Nostalgic MIDICITY Chapter 1

ーーThe city where those who are in command of music reign as kings, MIDICITY.

This story is the music legend of youths who are dreaming to be top stars!

At MIDICTY suburbs

In the land away from the city's noise, lies the town where you[1] were born and raised.

Having finished your journey to search for your own ROCK[2], after you a long while you came back to your hometown... however, its past prosperity was no longer, as it had became a deserted place.

And your family's music studio, too... has became an equal of an abandoned building.

What happened when you were gone?

Holding in your feelings of surrender, you entered into the buildingーー

???: Found a suspicious person! Nice Shot!

Hey, you! This is Rameka's house, so you can't just enter like that!

→ Who? → Nice Shot?

Rameka: Haa? That's my line...

Oh well, fine! I'll introduce myself.

The genius cameraman flying to the future, Rameka Pasharikowa... is me, Rameka!

See, in this MIDICITY, there are looots of amazing bands, right?

Rameka's job is to take all the best Nice Shots! of my favorite bands from the forefront.

And then, my dream is to share this passion and excitement to all myumons in this galaxy!

And? What are you?

Coming into other people's house like you own it...

.........Eh? Your family's house?

This stadio is? Yours??

N-no way! I thought it was an abandoned building...

Awawawa, I'm sorry for living here on my own accord～!!

...By the way, Rameka’s lived in here for pretty long, but... what were you doing all this time!?

→ Seeking Oneself’s Rock

Rameka: "Seeking Oneself’s Rock”～!? T-that's rare these days... but well I think it's fine too, that kind of thing.

???: Yeah, yeah, that's nice...

"Seeking Oneself’s Rock"...

Rameka: Wh-wh-what, what was that voice!?

It's not you, right... don't tell me... it’s a ghost!?

???: I'm not a ghost.

Pokkun[3] is here~!

Rameka: Eee!? The a... a, a... amp is talking～!?

???: I'm not an amp! Pokkun's name is Jiipe.

I'm an ordinary, music-loving, pretty fairy.

If I don't have a physical body, I can't speak in a loud voice, so I entered this amp～

Rameka: H-hee... and?

What does this obviously suspicious fairy want with Rameka?

Jiipe: ...Everyone, do you know?

It was probably around 69 years ago...

Rameka: He started telling his story!?

Jiipe: The legendary and miraculous fest held only once in the center of the galaxy, "Galaxy Ultimate Rock Festival"!!

Rameka: Fu, fu, fu~ It's shortened as G.U.R.F, right!? Of course I do!

GURF is that legendary festival where they said all myumons became one, right?

From this Sound Planet too, of course, but there are also ultimate artists from all of the galaxy participating, right ♪

Jiipe: ...That fateful day, Pokkun stood on the stage as a guitarist.

Rameka: Eh!? You performed in G.U.R.F!? Amazing!

Jiipe: Yes. Even now I could remember it clearly...

That was undoubtedly the zenith of fests.

Pokkun was engulfed by ultimate sounds, and Rocked! like a beast in the center of the universe! And at that time...

My soul slipped out like, pon! Like, po-po-po-pon!

Rameka: Po, po-po-po-pon!? Is that, like, you know... getting called to heaven, or such?

Jiipe: Aah～ so embarrassing. But, pokkun's soul couldn't go to heaven nor hell.

Just like that, even after my Rocking physical body rot away, I'm still wandering around MIDICITY, just like this.

Rameka: That means, as I thought... you're not a fairy, but a ghost...?

Oh yeah, you haven't answered the important question.

In the end, what are you doing here, Jiipe?

Jiipe: Of course, pokkun only has one wish.

Once again, I want to see G.U.R.F... no, I want to perform in it! That's all!

That's why I've always searched for it.

Someone who could, once again, host G.U.R.F!

Rameka: So that means, that chosen legendary key person is... Rameka!?

Jiipe No.

Rameka: Oof. [4]

Jiipe: The one pokkun's searched for is you, there. Oi, you, you. It's you!

→ Eh? → No waay.

Rameka: Eeh~!?

This person who were doing stuff like "Seeking Oneself’s Rock"!?

Jiipe: That's right, the person who did stuff like "Seeking Oneself’s Rock"....

Rocker-san! It's you!

You are fated to revive G.U.R.F!

Pokkun's intuition is not wrong! Maybe.

Rameka: So it's just your intuition... anyway, Rocker, you say...

Oh well, it's nice and easy to call, so that's okay.

Jiipe: Rocker-san.

You... please take over this studio!

And then, make connections with the bands in MIDICTY, accumulate a lot of experience on music events...

And host the legendary G.U.R.F.

It will become a such a great achievement that your name will be engraved in the history of music～!

Rameka: Eeh～? Isn't that super hard?

I wonder if Rocker could do it alone～～

No, wait...

I see, there's that way too... ♪

There's no helping it～ Rameka will cooperate with Rocker, just a bit!

After this, there's Plasmagica's live in Shibuvalley, do you want to come interviewing with me?

Right now, you don't even know a~nything about this city's band, right?

Following Rameka's job seems like the best way to understand MIDICITY's music scene, methinks?

(If I cooperate like this, for a while I could stay here in the middle of the confusion, after all...♪ )

(...And, if Rocker becomes G.U.R.F's host, then maybe Rameka's huge ambition will be fulfilled more easily～♪ )

Jiipe: Hm. Well, Rameka-san, despite being a novice, is a music writer and cameraman.

To help her job seem like it will become a very good experience for Rocker-san.

Rameka: Right, right? Well now that we've reached a decision, let's go!

We'll take perfect pictures and Nice Shots in rapid succession! Come on, Rocker! Don't just stand there, bring these!

Well then, to Rameka and Rocker's first job......

We gooooo!

Jiipe: Take care～～

In Live Venue

Chuchu: Well then, let's start our rehearsal. Everyone, are you ready?

Moa: Pyururu～～～～☆

Moa's always ready, pyuru～!!

Retoree:......Cyan hasn't came back, though.

Chuchu: Eh? She's taking quite a long time just for getting something she forgot.

Cyan: Everyone, sorry～! Sorry for the wait, nya～!

Moa: Cyan～! You're late, pyuru～!

Retoree: We thought something happened to you, we were worried...!

Chuchu: But I'm glad you made it in time. Cyan, can you play immediately?

Cyan: Yeah. Of course, nya ♡

Moa: All ready～ ☆

Chuchu: Well then everyone, let’s go!

Notes

[1] Written as your name (whatever you input), and read as ‘you’.

[2] 自分ROCK探し; literally ‘searching for your own rock’. I translated it as ‘Seeking Oneself’s Rock’ when people talk about it. ...Who knows what it actually is?

[3] ‘Pokkun’ (I think a play on boku) is Jiipe’s first-person pronoun.

[4] Oof, as in dejected oof!

#show by rock!! fes a live #translation #game translation

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huds-hub · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; MUN & MUSE - MEME

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

Stolen from @mrfunnybone. Since this meme has a bias for canon muses, I’m tagging two of my favorite canon writers that I know didn’t fill this out yet: @soulcoerced and @spearslinger (I wonder if a fellow Undyne RPer has a different take on some of these questions? ^^;;). For everyone else, feel free to steal it and tag me if you do! I’m curious to see how OC muns answer some of these questions...

MY MUSE IS: CANON / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [[ The adult version of my muse is canon, but her teenage equivalent is not present anywhere in Undertale / Deltarune. So, uh… canon but kind of complicated I guess??? I like describing my muse as canon-wise. My Deltarune fishies are undoubtedly AUs at most, canon-divergent at least. ]]

[[ Mun’s note: I’m going to cheat on this. For the next 8 questions, I’ll answer for both Undyne as my teen muse AND regular adult canon Undertale Undyne. My thoughts on her counts as something, right? My muse is based on canon! ]]

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK [[ Undyne’s character to the rest of the fandom is unpopular (compared to Sans, Chara, Gaster, etc…). It’s a shame, because her dialogue portraits alone would make great meme fodder. HOWEVER, among Undyne fans, I notice there’s an interest in depicting her early years because she’s one of the few cast members who’s had their childhood explicitly mentioned. ]]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK [[ She’d better not be, because my muse is a C H I L D. As far as I’ve seen, canon adult Undyne is depicted more often as a ‘badass’ than a ‘sexy fish.’ ]]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK [[ Younger Undyne is definitely interpreted to be a determined, tough kid. Of course it’s the same for adult canon Undyne. It’s basically her most distinct character trait. ]]

Are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK [[ Lordy, Undyne as a whole is entirely underrated by the fandom... ]]

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO [[ OMG... you’re gonna get me started. I’m marking ‘no’ on this question because this is supposed to be about my aged-down muse. But Undyne... sweet violent Undyne’s very important to Undertale’s story! *fangirling START* Besides being the mid-point antagonist in the game, Undyne adds a layer of the theme of DETERMINATION to the game and how it can manifest in monsters if their bodies are strong enough to handle it. In an allegorical sense, she represents extremism in reaction to oppression and how that passion can take on the form of extreme love or extreme hatred depending on circumstance. So HELL YEAH she’s important to the main story of the game! AAAHILoveThisFish!! *fangirling END* ]]

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [[ Same as the previous answer for my teen Undyne: begrudgingly marking this with a ‘no’... It’s a YES for canon Undyne. In all routes, original game’s Undyne is the first character who is purposefully trying to kill the Player. Players can’t get the best ending without helping her hook up with Alphys and not incurring her wrath by killing any monster. In the worst ending, she’s one of the two antagonists that put up enough of a fight to make any player abort the Genocide Route. ]]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO [[ My muse WANTS to be significant to her world. In the original game, Undyne’s only mentioned by others in Snowdin and Waterfall (not counting Alphys in Hotland). She’s described as a “local hero” by Gerson. I get a sense she’s not exactly famous to the people in the entire Underground compared to, say, Mettaton. ]]

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL [[ Oof. Pretty sure my teen fish annoys the residence of Waterfall for being a loud-mouthed little scamp. The only reason she’s not considered ‘bad’ is because it’s pent-up energy and misguidedness, not flat-out cruelty. In canon, it seems like the people who talk about Undyne do it in either a positive or neutral light. You have Monster Kid, Papyrus, and Onionsan singing her praises. The Royal Guard members respect her. Asgore thought of her well enough to have her lead his military. Uhh, for a neutral instance, I remember an NPC in Snowdin saying she’s “loud, rude, and beats up anybody who gets in her way” (I don’t remember the exact quote). To weigh this more on the side of my muse, I’ll mark this answer as ‘neutral.’ ]]

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? [[ Since I have an aged-down character, canon is literally my END GOAL! I gave her a “starting point” on her journey to the determined, dedicated, and excitable warrior fish we all know and love from the game. I filled in the gaps from there, using parts of her past mentioned in the game to glue the headcanons together. Deciding what she was like when she was younger – What’s her family background? What aspects about her changed as she matures? What internal and external conflicts would she deal with as a teen? – THAT’S the non-canon part. My Deltarune AUs are… different. Canon is my end goal too, but the timelines are all wonky to fit the needs of wanting to interact with the Fun Gang. LOL ]]

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS. [[ This kid is spunky, loyal, compassionate of the plight of her people, and will see through anything she sets her mind to, despite life’s barriers. She’s got a lot of pent-up energy and is searching for what she can do with it to help her achieve her goal of setting Monsterkind free! ]]

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?). [[ The teen fishy has a streak of selfishness and short-sightedness. Being honest, Undyne would be a racial supremacist if she existed in real life. Big yikes. Also, she’s willingly being trained as a child soldier. Another big yikes right there. ]]

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? [[ Ages ago, I RPed the adult version of Undyne, which resulted in a bunch of headcanons for her past. I had no desire to RP any of them after it ended. A year later, I commissioned an artist for a Gerson vs. teen Undyne piece. That single-handedly made me want to get back into RPing again. ]]

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? [[ My fellow RPers wanting to interact with this silly fishy! When I first started, I expected my interest to peter out over the months. I didn’t expect many RPers wanting to interact with an aged-down character. But here I am, wanting to expand my headcanons further and making AUs so I’m not limited to canon. ^^ It’s all thanks to you guys!! ]]

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO?

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ I should do it more often TBH. But I find showing them via story-telling more fulfilling than just explicitly explaining them in posts. Plus, it gives me more leeway if I’m still playing around with an idea. ;) ]]

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO [[ I’m not counting the three pending drabbles until I finish them. ^^;; ]]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [[ She finds a way to bother me! Usually in the form of sudden inspiration for how to respond to RPs. ]]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ Sometimes I wonder if I forgot some aspect about Undyne that’s in canon, or unintentionally exaggerating other less-important aspects of her other characteristics… ]]

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ Generally, yes. But I do have my days when I suffer from low self-confidence. ]]

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. / SORT OF? [[ It depends on what’s meant by that. I’m sensitive to other people’s feelings, so I don’t intend to sound rude OOC, even if I’m expressing something negative about something I think the other did. If this is referring to being sensitive about events in RPs… my sensitivity is equivalent to that of being invested in any work of fiction. I know it’s not reality. I can pull away from the fictional world and it won’t bring down my real life. ]]

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL? [[ If it’s given in good faith and is constructive, sure. ]]

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? [[ Hell yeah, give them to me! ]]

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? [[ It depends if they want to tell me. I don’t mind either way. Personally, I like hearing other people’s interpretations! ]]

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? [[ *shrug* It doesn’t matter as long as they don’t harass me. ]]

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? [[ I’d just ignore it. They don’t need to interact or follow me. If my muse really is a bother to them, they can block my account. ]]

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? [[ I hope my grammar’s good enough, or else my English degree studies went to waste! But yeah, sure. Fun fact: explaining grammar rules so people can avoid major errors in the future is more helpful than nit-picking insignificant errors without explanations. ]]

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? [[ As long as fellow RPers aren’t being rude OOC, don’t break any serious rules, or do something that I mention are personal triggers to me, I am easy-going! RPing is fun and it should stay that way for everybody involved! ]]

#mun monday #ooc #long post #yikes that took me a week to finish writing #but it was fun #this post was such a pain to format

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prettywordsyouleft · 5 years

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Boyfriend! Kim Jaehwan

Thank you for requesting this @hyukwonz! It’s been awhile since I’ve done a Boyfriend scenario, so let’s hope I can do this one justice! Jaehwan is such an interesting character, so let’s find out how he’d be as a boyfriend.

Please note: his Different Kisses was also requested and will be posted tomorrow. They will directly tie into this scenario.

Confessing:

Like most things in life for Jaehwan, if he wants something, he’s going to do his very best to get it. He noticed you on campus at the start of the first semester, charmed by how you stood out from the rest. He had learned you were an art student, and whilst you seemed much more reserved than he was, you definitely knew who you were as an individual and that attracted him. But you were aloof in behaviour when he tried to approach you, giving him short answers and polite smiles before departing quickly.

It took him some effort to actually get you alone enough to ask you out on a date, and even when he did, well, you seemed to have a lot of excuses. He wondered if you just weren’t all that interested in him.

That wasn’t the case at all. Jaehwan steadily became the muse for all your art, secretly drawing him in your sketchbook over and over at night when you couldn’t get him off your mind. Sometimes he’d end up within your projects too; his hands or his eyes captured by your pencil only becoming obvious when you finished. He was a distraction. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to date him, you really did. But you had made a promise to yourself that for the first year at university there would be no boys. You wanted to establish good grades and friendships but nothing more. You didn’t even know where you would have the time to date either with how busy your schedule each day was. Frankly, you over-thought the situation and that’s why you became flustered whenever Jaehwan would approach you, wanting to run and hide in case you blurted out how much you thought of him in an embarrassing way.

By the second semester, he backed off though. You heard from friends that Jaehwan had really liked someone and they had turned him down after all attempts. It made you feel guilty but you managed to continue through, chanting that you were here to get good grades in art, not kissing. When you also heard Jaehwan was planning one last attempt and would give up after this, it made you strangely hopeful. For the next two days, you floated around campus in a daze, waiting to see what Jaehwan was going to do next. When nothing happened though, you filled with dread. What if they hadn’t meant you? You tried to keep your head down and focus on your semester project and not on foolish daydreams of you painting whilst Jaehwan played his guitar.

It was actually the sound of a guitar that attracted you to the court the next day. He was strumming his guitar outside the art building too eagerly and had garnered a small crowd, enjoying the free show. When you stepped into the circle and he spotted you, there was more than just the guitar sounds. The crowd gasped when he started to sing, his love confession strongly delivered through the song.

It was obvious it was for you with the way he stared at you as he said each word, smiling a little when the crowd encouraged him on. And on the final line of the song, he mentioned your name, asking if you would finally accept his heart.

Of course, you did. I mean, you couldn’t let such an amazing performance go to waste in front of everyone, right? But on a serious note, you had been so touched by the song that all resolve you had to ban yourself from dating was all forgotten then.

Starting out:

Once you got over the initial worry about dating Jaehwan, it was surprisingly very easy to grow comfortable around him and his playful nature.

Physical affection started almost from the beginning too and soon you were that college couple that everyone wanted to hate but couldn’t because they were too envious at how in love you both were.

Lots of cuddles and sweet moments occurred when you were together, but it was evident he had a really quirky and fun side to him right away too.

Although his loudness took a little to get used to when you’re a quiet person by nature, you enjoyed the vibrancy and colour he added to your world and the encouragement to break out of the structured lifestyle you maintained was exciting.

You were both different from each other, and sure, sometimes it meant you had to work to understand each other more, overall it made your relationship interesting and worth all the added learning on how to work together.

Dating pros:

Everything is always exciting and interesting with Jaehwan. He adds an element of anticipation to everything you do together just with how hyped up he often is. It keeps you on your toes and you like this about him.

He’s comfortable, you know that even when he’s joking around he’s only doing it to have fun with you. This has taught you to relax and allow yourself to be whatever you want to be around him without judgement.

His goal in life is to see you smile and be happy and he fulfils this every day he is with you. There is no way you’re not happy when he’s around. Even if you’ve had a really bad day, Jaehwan knows how to turn it around and have you smiling in no time.

He’ll do anything for you. He might whine as he does it or tease you incessantly, but he’s never going to let you down when you need him.

And on that note, he’s very much so a tease to you all the time. He loves hearing you whine and begging him to stop, it’s something that makes him feel fulfilled when he’s got your full attention like that. He finds you the cutest when he’s teasing you and often diffuses it with lots of kisses.

He’s the ideal romantic underneath all that joking he does, he is the proper wine, dine and cherish you kind of guy. I mean, he confessed with a freaking love song! He is well in touch with his emotions.

His laughter is so loud and piercing yet it’s addictive and makes your energy levels rise with it.

Jaehwan is dedicated. He works hard at any goal he wants to achieve, in a methodical and admirable way. He constantly challenges himself to be a better person and partner, and you’ve noticed yourself influenced by his mannerisms, striving for your own goals with better precision than before.

This means you’re a very productive couple who speak often about any problems that arise and have solutions for them promptly. Communication is a huge part of your relationship, both through playful and serious moods, and you can understand each other very well now.

He knows when to be extra, but more importantly, Jaehwan is able to tell when he needs to tone it down, which is such an attractive feature to him. Get yourself a man who can do it all.

He has an odd sense of humour and in the beginning you didn’t understand it completely, but now you live for all his dumb jokes and get excited when you can give him one back.

He’s very affectionate and showers you in physical and emotional attention which you give back in equal amounts too.

Will happily pose for you whenever you need him to for your artwork and openly offers to be your nude model teasingly (which he’s done from the start and was the cause of many of your earlier blushing sessions until things got intimate).

Likewise, you understand his music is very important to him, and you support him by listening to his compositions, and helping him fine tune anything that’s not quite right to you.

Ending this here, he has the voice of an angel. How are you not blessed whenever he sings to you? Lullabies, ballads, upbeat bops, he is always singing and serenading you.

Dating cons:

Even though you love his happy bursts of energy, some days you are too tired/stressed for his antics, and it irks you when he can’t take anything serious (even though he’s very capable at doing so). He’ll tone it down immediately when he notices your mood, but sometimes it’s a bit too late for you.

His laughter is amazing, but it’s also very loud. In fact, he’s just loud by nature. On days when you need to think, he’s not the first choice of person you choose to be around.

He sometimes pushes himself too hard when striving for his goals. He can easily get wound up and self-critical and whilst he has a great determination to get to the other side, he can often get so invested that his focus on you or your relationship can be pushed aside to cater for this greater need he has to improve/meet his deadline. Whilst you understand this as a fellow artist always striving for further realism and creativity from yourself, you wished he would sit back a little and enjoy the process, instead of rushing through.

Since becoming an idol, he’s naturally been a lot more invested with his work, and it was hard to deal with in the beginning since you started dating before his big break. You knew his determination would always make him succeed with his dreams but it was definitely hard on you both to adjust to his idol life.

He’s domestically challenged and very lazy. It’s ironic how lazy he is when it comes to how driven he is, but he prioritises things very differently from some people and being clean or doing chores is not something he puts high on his list. If you ask him to do something, he’ll try so A+ for effort, but his actual efforts aren’t worth praising and you’ve just naturally adapted to doing all the cooking and cleaning for proficiency.

When arguing, he’s petty and easily wound up which makes you defensive. Fighting can be loud and dramatic.

He’s clumsy, but so are the best kind of people in life (aka me). So you know to have the first aid kit well stocked and heaps of healing kisses on standby!

Intimacy:

Jaehwan is a passionate lover and knows what he wants from his partner.

He’s always been very strong with his PDA from the beginning and to this day he showers you in his attention no matter where you both are. He’ll also expect it back, and whine if you don’t offer it up right away.

Forehead kisses and back hugs!!

Always touching you, no matter where you are, he has to have a hand on you at all times, a constant connection is important to him.

Loves days where all you do is snuggle up together and eat good food (cooked by you or take outs because you’ll never let him in the kitchen again after he almost burned it down that one time).

Because he’s naturally affectionate, kisses happen often and so does making out. You can read more about his kisses in the link in the reblog (coming soon).

Making out with Jaehwan is where things get easily worked up so you have a pretty active sex life.

He likes to be in control and hear you beg.

A needy lover, Jaehwan wants to make sure all his wants are met whilst meeting all yours as well.

Not so much of a slow and sensual guy but he can make that happen if you want it.

Prefers making love with you in a way that is loud and active. Definitely vocal in bed and knows how to have you singing out all night long, if you get what I mean.

Morning sex is his favourite and because he’s naturally a tease, he’ll often wake you up with his hands and lips as opposed to anything endearing and soft.

Long and arduous sex sessions are a must after being away from you for too long.

Aftercare is somewhat lazy but he has a way of looking at you as if you are a piece of artwork.

And to him, you are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen so he’d definitely admire you in that satisfied glow you feel after sex and tell you just how much he loves you until you fall asleep together.

Dating Jaehwan is lively and full of the unexpected. Even from the start, you anticipated what he would do with you, and nothing has changed there. Although you know each other well, you know he’ll continue to keep you guessing for the rest of your lives and that’s part of the reason you love him so much. Even though you are complete opposites, you definitely attract endless love and excitement from each other.

____________________

I accept requests on other idols for the Boyfriend! series whenever my requests are open! To check to see if I’ve written your bias already, check the reblog or my bio for the Boyfriend! Masterlist and my Main Masterlist.

#kim jaehwan #jaehwan #wanna one #wannaonenetwork #wanna one imagines #wanna one scenarios #kim jaehwan imagines #kim jaehwan scenarios #boyfriend! kim jaehwan #pwyl; boyfriend! series #prettywordsyouleft requested

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halfusek · 6 years

Text

You Left Me in a Heartbeat

I wrote a fic about my interpretation of how things were between Joey and Henry: from before founding the studio to the moment they split up and a bit more. Also it includes a certain theory I would like to discuss in a seperate post some other time. Hope you enjoy! Huge thanks to @pipesflowforeverandever for beta reading and helping me with getting this thing readable! <3 Warning: ...violence.

✪ ✪ ✪

There is nothing wrong with dreaming. Excitement filled his head and buzzing thoughts were running million miles per hour through that brain hidden under dark hair. Although none of that amount of thinking was focused on the real world. At least not yet. Which is why the owner of fancy looking (but actually really cheap, he was just a broke student with nothing but dreams and 60 cents in his pocket, well, at least for the rest of the month) black shoes didn't even notice his feet were constantly switching being attached to the ground between toes and heels. His sight seemed to be focused on a certain covered in lights sign which was hung way above the cogitating head, at the top of an entrance. He was standing close to the gate with the cinema's ticket booth in the middle, his pointy nose pointed at the sky, expression peaceful, shoulders relaxed, and body slightly bending back and forth.

Oh, no, surely nothing wrong with dreaming, especially dreaming big, but who is to say those smaller ones cannot be fulfilled as well? Even those silly ones.

The cinema was showing an animated production tonight. And he had just enough money to see it and only slightly starve for the next week!

He arrived way too early for the show, but he couldn't just sit at home! So he went out for a long walk, well dressed, which wasn't most comfortable, but God, did he feel good!

To be fair it wasn't just the show his mind was currently so occupied with. Oh, it surely is fun doing alone, but what an experience it must be with a company!

He heard his name being shout out from across the street. The man turned around on his heel and sent the best grin the mouth under the pencil moustache was able to make.

Especially good company!

Henry was with some woman.

Joey stood still.

When the pair finally approached him, he whistled under his nose and then bowed. Both of his arms moved right away, one behind his back, and the other one in front of him, reaching for her hand.

"What a pleasure meeting you, my lady,” she giggled and Henry couldn't help but roll his eyes, though his lips twitched, forming a smile, "Can I know your name?”

"Linda,” they exchanged an energetic handshake, "You must be Joey?”

Said man gasped and put his hands on his chest in disbelief.

"Wow! Well...” he pouted comically and put his finger on his chin, other hand resting on his hip, "It is a possibility.”

Linda snorted.

"You know,” she took Henry by his arm and turned her head to him, cascade of blond hair flowing with that movement, "When you said it's just some cartoon I had second thoughts about going... but it might be fun after all,” she bit her lip as she turned back to Joey.

"Oh?” Drew asked, his mind completely ignoring the compliment, "You don't like cartoons?”

"I mean... I never really tried watching any... who knows, maybe it's fun. I know a fella or two who seem to enjoy it," she showed her teeth in a beautiful smile.

Joey noticed with how much affection Henry looked at her face. His eyebrows frowned a tiny bit.

"Let's try making it a three then," Henry beamed and pulled his girlfriend after him to buy the tickets. He did it in such an adventurous way, she couldn't help but laugh.

Joey watched them from behind. He couldn't move his feet. This was stupid.

He was stupid.

He wanted to pay for them. Only the two of them. He didn't expect-

His body shaked for a second. Only now he noticed how cold it was outside. Or...

He took the first step.

They won't last.

He took another step.

They will break up soon and he will never see or hear of Linda ever again.

He came up to the gate and bought a single ticket, then followed his company for tonight.

He won't lose just like that.

After the seance, Linda’s love for toons started and was growing ever since. She couldn't draw a straight line, but was interested in her partner's passion.

He can't lose.

Few years from this night they are planning to get married.

✪

Music was so loud as if the world was ending and it was the last opportunity to dance ever. Wonderful combination of bodies moving to the wild rhythms, people shouting as long as they had air in their lungs, liters and liters of alcohol and pure happiness – truly the most humane form of insanity. Everyone was dressed in their most expensive clothes they should take care of and nobody cared as they waved their arms and legs, drowning in the ocean of sweat and panting breaths.

They owned the place tonight, newcomers could either join or stay being outsiders which ended for all of them in leaving. Judging by how, hm, unusual the party was, it effectively scared away those who could have something against some of its rules. One woman entered looking for someone to make love to, but went out scoffing as her moves resulted in nothing because she aimed at a wrong pal, currently making his own moves towards another pal. How weird!

Oh, those artists. Such deviants!

Joey was forcibly pulling Henry away from the table, despite all of the yet-to-come-animator's protests.

"Come ooooon!” tall man’s voice sounded lower and slowed down. Also very demanding at the moment, "Don't tell me you're not gonna dance at a celebration of YOUR OWN show!”

They finally both ended up in the middle of the chaos which was the said celebration. They were like two pales standing still in a storming sea. Now they either drown or move. Henry didn’t seem up for swimming.

He doesn't like dancing. Joey only knew he performed a few slow ones with Linda, but she wasn't there to get him out of his comfort zone this time.

Obviously Joey was obligated to step in.

"I-I don't know what to do, I feel weird everytime I do this, I-"

"Don't think about it, just do it!” they had to yell in each others ears to make anything out of their conversation.

"I can't. I can't!” light reflected in Henry’s glasses as he looked back at the table.

"It's like slow dancing! But faster!” Henry didn't need to turn again to his friend to see that big grin of his, but he did it anyway just to send him a mildly annoyed look.

"It's not!”

"It is! I'm gonna... fucking... show you!” Joey grabbed his hands and pulled, which took Henry by surprise.

"What the-"

"Think of waltz! But don't be strict! Use some instinct, for crying out loud you're the one with a girl!”

And so they took few first steps like in a classic waltz, which didn't go well with everyone else's tempo but Joey didn't care. Henry got more nervous.

"I told you I-"

"Shut up! Keep! Trying!”

Drew can be really exhausting with his motivational attitude and never-giving-up speeches, but Henry decided to listen to him. After all, he was usually right.

They took their steps faster. Then Joey started leading them into slightly different ones, and with time and occurrence those differences started increasing.

Henry found himself catching up and they both noticed that.

When they achieved a somewhat satisfying pace and didn't bump into others as much, Joey suddenly pulled Henry closer and whispered to his ear something the shorter man couldn't quite catch but it surely included the words "dancing demon" and he bursted out laughing.

Sillyvision pitched their idea.

Way later that night two figures struggled with walking down the street, both clinging to each other. They were trying hard to keep their balance yet still ended up moving between both sides of the road. Luckily for them it was quite a quiet neighborhood, no cars in the sight. There was only one cyclist who tried their best to avoid them with the accompanying sounds of the bike’s horn.

Their long walk was completed at a construction field. Not a recommended place for the drunk, but things were about to start happening here in a few days, only several materials have been gathered for building.

Joey wants to stand on his own but Henry didn’t let him – he knew that would end in the tall man laying face down on the dirt – so instead of making a majestic spin in the middle of the place with his hand pointed at the surroundings, he did an awkward turn-around, which almost knocked Henry off his own feet.

"Look. At. This!” words were pouring out of his mouth in a bulky mutter, "This will be ours. This IS ours.”

"Yeah,” Henry simply replied but then decided to elaborate a bit, "It’s… it feels amazing.”

"Yes! It does,” dark hair fluttered as the head it was on nodded. He kept doing that as he responded, "I think I’m gonna return today’s alcoholic be… be-ve… rages.”

"Ew. Let go of me then. And not on our future floor.”

"Imagine s-someone will be, like, sitting there, like, drawing, and then, I’ll like come to them from behind and be like-"

"Oh, Jesus.”

"Sir.”

"God.”

"You’re sitting on my barf.”

Henry didn’t let this low level joke make him giggle. He made an excessively serious face.

"You’ll be the worst employer.”

"I’ll be an amazing employer. So honest.”

"Please, don’t.”

"Yeah, no, I’ll lie on occasions.”

"I meant don’t puke on our legacy.”

"Oh.”

They took a sit on a stack of desks and breathed in silence for a while. Their shoulders were touching.

"I think I’m better now.”

"Good.”

"I’m so happy,” Drew’s voice broke as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"It sure doesn’t sound like it,” Henry made an awful joke attempt as his own tone hit a higher pitch and he felt a sudden urge to blink more.

Both men raised hands to wipe their eyes- only to be interrupted by their own bursting, bubbling laughter. Cartoonists put their arms around each other and they wobbled, they laughed, and they cried.

They were tired but it was the best kind of tired. The kind you feel after successfully achieving something, so you can rest a bit and let that accomplishment bring some joy into your life.

Henry rested his head on his best friend’s shoulder.

It was so warm. The night was cold and the alcohol wouldn’t help them keep a decent temperature for long, but they simply had each other.

At that moment, Joey could swear he was burning.

His hand found its place on Henry’s hip, long, thin fingers were trembling. He took in a deep, shaky breath.

Henry felt the chest he was almost laying on shiver and for a short moment there was a sensation grabbing his face by the hot hands of confusion. It lasted a few seconds until Joey stood up and took three steps forward. Henry, not expecting this, ended up falling on his elbow, so he was in a kind of semi-recumbent position, his mouth slightly opened. He watched Joey put his hands on his sides, and turn back to him. Shorter man almost expected some sort of negative expression, but the other surprised him with a smile which could only be described as a smile of a dreamer.

Henry forgot to remind him of being careful, because he knew his friend had something important to say. So he listened to the man of ideas.

"This,” he threw one hand in the air, "This will be great.”

His hand fell back on his hip.

"But it’s just the beginning. It will be greater.”

Henry raised his eyebrows and blinked.

"We will expand!” Joey suddenly released an excited shout and lifted both arms to the sky as if he wanted to grab all the stars.

At that moment Henry was almost certain he did. He got up and approached him.

"What do you mean?”

"We’re gonna make it big! Literally!” Joey let out a laughter before he explained, "The grounds were so cheap because most of them are located above a huuuge cave found many feets underground! Of course we won’t start building above that part, but later we could easily use it for building something…” he made a pause and put an emphasis on the next word, "under!”

"Oh, my,” Henry mumbled, genuinely surprised. This lack of knowledge didn’t bother him much. Not now, "That’s… that does sound great… although it will take a lot of hard work before we’ll be actually able to use something… something like that.”

“Yes. Hard,” he grinned widely, "and happy.”

Eyes behind the glasses rolled.

Joey noticed this is how Henry tries to mask his lack of confidence. He patted his friend’s shoulder.

Back then he used his observations for motivation instead of manipulation.

It’s funny how things change over time.

"We’ll make it,” corners of his mouth fell down a bit so the smile appeared to be more gentle, "You just have to believe.”

"Yeah, yeah,” Henry sighed and closed his eyes for a second, before looking up at his pal and reaching his hand to the one resting on his shoulder to grab it in a reacourging grasp, "Thanks, I will try my best. We will try our best. Right?”

Joey turned to look at the foundations of their workshop and released his hand from the touch. He repeated quietly but undoubtedly, "Right.”

Henry didn’t seem to notice weird reactions on his friend’s side and Joey was both relieved and disappointed by that.

He could have tried to make a move on Henry. Well, in fact, he has been trying. His crush already was in a few relationships before and he always waited them out and they always eventually passed.

(He had a bad feeling about this one.)

He didn’t want to interfere. He wanted Henry to be happy the way Henry wanted to be happy. It was the only fair way. But he didn’t see any dangers in his current one. Linda wasn’t… a threat.

(This time he didn’t have a girl just because of social pressures.)

He could try lying to himself, but in reality he was scared of rejection.

(Henry really loves her.)

What if that dream does not happen?

He closed his eyes for a moment. When they opened again, green irises shined with determination.

They will make it. Belief is all they had before and it’s all they need. It’s all he needs.

They will make their dreams come true.

It’s a funny thing.

How so much can fall apart so fast.

✪

He stretched his back and let out a silent groan. No, he needed to stand up, even for a few seconds. And so he did, all his limbs tried to go as far away from his torso as possible. Brain automatically got filled with air. That felt refreshing. He twisted and bent his body before sitting down again. Just as he was finished adjusting his chair, he heard steps coming from the closest room. He peeked his head to the corridor.

A tall figure approached a long table that Henry could only see a small fraction of from this position. The other person wore a black, long jacket, which shoulders were covered in snow, that also was slowly melting on the dark hair making it a bit wet. Joey put some bags in the middle of the table and came back where Henry's sight could reach him. He took off his gloves and threw them next to - how Henry suspected knowing his friend - some warm food he bought for both of them. Cold, currently slightly red hands, rubbed each other energetically and the man grinned.

"Want some coffee?”

"I want you to get your ass over here and help me," his smile was rather sour but shifted to a tired and calm one, "But sure. Just right after that – you stay there.”

"Right, right," Joey did a reassuring gesture and headed for the kettle. He wanted to get a proper break room someday, but Henry couldn't really see it right now. Irrelevant. For this room to have any use they would have to have proper breaks first. At that time everyone was working really hard.

Well they had to. But they wanted to.

Happily tired.

The animator sighed.

After a while his friend was in Henry's little corner with something to fill his stomach and give a little boost to his head. Henry muttered some thanks and tried not to consume everything at once.

It wasn’t the first time he forgot to eat during drawing. Always, even when he did this as a hobby, he since had that problem. This didn't strike anything alarming in regards to his job, though.

He hasn't become aware of his workaholism yet.

Even Linda wasn't concerned yet, they haven't seen each other since that whole thing started but they both tried their best to stay positive. Of course there will be challenges on the way, especially at the beginning. But they won't give up, no, sir.

Joey took a sit on the other chair present in the room, which he once brought in and never got out. It was its only use as no one really needed to come here except for them. Wally or Norman were coming every now and then, but those visits never really required sitting.

Joey let Henry eat in peace and before asking anything, he took a look on what the shorter man was working on. He crossed his legs and studied the frames.

"Aw, that's no fun. I can't even criticize you for anything. Those look perfect,” his tone was mostly playful but with bits of pure admiration. Henry fought the want to hide behind an exaggerated modesty by declining every compliment which dared to tickle his ego. He couldn't just take it though, so he responded with a teasing joke.

"I would introduce my foot to your crotch if you did after last Friday,” he found himself only half joking. He knew Joey well and he was aware of their problems with perfectionism, especially in his pal's case, but the first time it occurred to him as a bigger issue was the aforementioned Friday. Joey didn't accept that character model but he didn't have to reject all those frames Henry did with it...

Joey's lips slightly twitched.

"Sorry. I'll make up for it. No business trips for the whole week.” Joey put one hand on his chest and raised the other, at which his friend chuckled a bit. He meant it and that was enough for Henry. That's great when you have a friend as your boss. You know you can trust him.

"Well then, let's begin!” Henry beamed at him. They assigned what needed to be done by which one of them and set goals for today, each day and the whole week. Deadline was closing in but they still had loads of time. They could do this. Joey moved to the other room with such a strong aura, he wasn’t even taking normal steps, but made small leaps, which made Henry choke on his coffee.

At moments like this you could say they were getting high on believing.

✪

No.

The smiling devil was mocking him.

No.

He turned another paper sheet into a ball and threw to trash.

He let out a silent sigh when he put the pen back in action and his wrist sent a complaining sensation.

No, Henry, we can't go on like this.

She said.

Wrong again.

He tore the sheet apart.

No.

He couldn't work like this.

He had to.

He felt something hot and wet in his eyes.

No.

He needed to be better. He couldn't lose her.

He took the pen back in his fingers and it was at the moment his hand twitched and emitted hurtful spasms through his arm when the water broke through the barrier of his bottom eyelashes.

He grabbed his right hand with the left one. The pen fell on the wooden boards.

Defeated.

"No...”

"Henry...?”

He almost jumped in his seat. Glasses bent askew when he turned his head to the source of the voice.

Joey.

He started wiping of the tears. It wasn’t really effective since he didn't even bother to take the glasses off. He just didn't want his boss... his friend to see him like this.

Well. Too late for that now.

Joey leaned back on his desk. A few months have passed since they started it all and the second chair was moved out of here.

Surprisingly for both of them it didn't take much for Henry to start venting. He never realised how much he has been keeping to himself. How much has bothered him. How bad he felt.

How afraid he was of talking about it with anyone. And his best friend he used to talk with about everything... was a part of the problem.

Heavy thing clenching onto his heart disappeared as he felt relief after Joey's reaction.

Understanding.

He was almost afraid they wouldn't get along as they used to.

Many things weren't as they used to be.

"Linda will be so happy,” Henry sniffed for the last time and used the tissues to stop his face from looking like a mess, "And right now we need every bit of happiness we can get. We planned some big things but... I don't know, maybe they are too big for us...”

"Nonsense!”, Joey exclaimed before he bit his own tongue, "There is nothing on the way to your dreams, Henry. Nothing.”

"I start to feel as if this idea sounds nice only on paper," that's what the animator said, but Joey as an experienced leader and manager knew what his employer meant: convince me. Motivate me.

"Okay, listen to me, dear pal," he put his arm on Henry's shoulder and leaned in a bit so their heads were on the same level, "Of course the idea sounds easier on paper! All ya gotta do is write it! Now – action – is what requires more commitment. But what would you get from just that paper? Welp, nothing, nada, zero.”

"Alright, I get you, please-"

"Do you kind of want it or WANT IT WANT IT?!”

Henry let out a frustrated groan but muscles on his face betrayed him and he smiled and he hated it.

"I want it. I want her.”

"Then get the hell out and make your future wife happy.” he said it as an order but it was one Henry will one hundred percent willingly listen to.

This was a good moment. There has been a lot of stressful situations recently around the studio. Everyone knew what they wanted, everyone knew what to do to achieve what they wanted. It was just... hard. And they had to do their best to be happy.

Joey tried really hard to make it a happy workplace. He might have gotten a bit harsh sometimes but never let his guard of positivity down. Workers were fast to lose trust but slow to regain it. He was trying his damn best and hasn't realised he was pushing his best friend too hard.

He felt awful.

He had to do this, stuff needed to be done, but today? No, he couldn't.

Henry was crying. He had to let him go home, even if that meant he will spent time with his fiance instead of him. Or more like working for him.

But that would make him unhappy. Henry was unhappy for a longer time.

He sat back and lifted his chin up to look at the ceiling.

Most important person in his life was unhappy because of most important thing in his life.

Oh, dear.

Henry's spirit was definitely lifted up when Joey watched him exit the building. He felt an unpleasant feeling in his stomach when he noticed that – almost as if the workshop was some sort of prison. That just felt wrong. But he was glad for his friend. The animator needed rest anyway.

Anyway... what the hell was he doing? Drawing with a hurting hand? Did he really think Joey is some kind of monster that would make him-

No.

He realizes he clenched his fists. His fingers got released right away.

Well. Is he?

No. Calm down. Henry finds it hard to stand up for himself. He never complains! No wonder he just literally exploded from everything he kept inside! Joey never had any problems with giving him feedback or going on and on about what was going inside that idea-pumping head of his, but to be fair he didn't really have any serious issues himself.

(bullshit)

(liar)

The dark haired man shook his head.

They both felt the unpleasant breath of incoming deadline on their backs. Henry was probably too occupied with his mind today to, well, mind going home. But Joey was fully aware.

Oh, well! Who is supposed to make the impossible happen if not him?

He picked up the pen and then he picked up where Henry left off. He felt tired, but only physically (right?) which was something he surely could stand. Unfortunately he had to focus more on the business stuff but some time in the future he planned to hire an entire management department and join Henry in the art one. He could look for more animators first but...

His eyebrows frowned and he bit his bottom lip.

...he didn't want to. Later.

Why?

Oh, obviously because-

Because...

Bendy looked so off model, Joey just stared at the sketch in pure surprise.

Oh, right, he cheered himself up, after that time period some warm ups are necessary.

The amount of time he spent warming up to get the frame right was a bit disappointing, but he kept going.

He was so absorbed by the work, he didn't (want to think) hear the steps approaching him.

"Gee golly. Is that really you, sir?” the janitor's eyebrows instantly rose up as he reached the end of the hall.

Drew gave him an unfocused look and blinked a few times.

"What," he didn't even articulate the question.

"Um, uh, ya know, I'm just doin' the usual, haha,” Wally wasn't sure what to make out of his boss' tone, so his reply was kind of nervous, "Gotta clean up the place!”

The look on Franks face woke Joey up from that strange state of hyperfocusing.

"Oh!” without any reason to he stood up. Just a second after he realized, but didn't sit back, he approached the worker, stretching his back, "Can't you do this later, my boy?”

"It's already after hours, sir," the smile on Wally's face told Joey two things. First: get some rest, old man. Second: I better get overtime for this.

Oh, he heard that second one so often. Not today.

"Forget it. Go home, Wally.”

"Oh, no problemo, I can wait.”

"Wally.”

"Alright, alright," Franks reassured him to back out of his extra work plan by replying with the strongest accent he could pull off, which Joey couldn't help but find amusing. Such personality! Would make a great character trait.

"You can leave the mop here," as Joey continued Wally twisted his head to one side in curiosity. Kinda like a dog, "I will use it later.”

"Wow, mister Drew, you do Henry's job, now mine. When are ya goin’ to write a song?”

"Very funny, Franks.” Joey sent him a tired smile. "I mean – Wally. Quit the mister Drew, please.”

"You got it!” Joey half expected him to salute. Wally Franks might not be the sharpest tool in this shed, but he sure tries his best to be one and works both hard and happy. He would never regret hiring such a character. Good for the janitor, Joey never cared much about papers and qualifications. There were many things to hate this place for but also many things to appreciate. Maybe even love. Like this little comedy he knew he could expect from the boy always walking with his head in the clouds, "Good thing, I don't hafta go back to the closet! Phew! If I met Sammy down here, I wouldn't hear the end of it!”

"Keys?”

"Keys.”

Joey wasn't even slightly mad. That was just hilarious. Even though he was the one paying for a pair of new ones. Well, the studio was, but someone is responsible for it and is in its very name.

After Wally left, he kept working for a few more hours. He almost got the shot done when he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder.

He got up from the desk with a paper attached to his face. There were small spots of ink on his forehead and chin. He was really disoriented and looked at the person standing next to him with two cups of coffee with pure confusion.

Henry.

He was smiling but looked concerned.

"Damn me, I was afraid I will be too much behind so I got up earlier for work, but you..." he sounded genuinely touched, "Thanks.”

"You're welcome," Joey yawned and slowly got up, to which Henry responded by placing the cups on the desk and pushing him back to his place, "Wha-"

"You look like you're about to pass out,” despite his friend's tone, he could tell he wasn't really joking, "How long were you up?”

"Hell if I know," usually higher positioned shoulders now at a lower lever because of their owner's body being laid back in the chair shrugged, "What time is it?” he asked as he reached out for the cafeine.

"Eight.”

Joey took the cup to his hands and simply stared at the surface of what was inside of it. He smiled in an unsettling way.

"I have a meeting at half past nine.”

"Oh,” Henry gasped in that emotionless way of his but in the name of self-awareness added a more concerned: "Shit.”

"Yeah," a loud slorp could be heard.

"Is it important?”

"Yeah.”

"Are you gonna go there?”

"Yeah.”

"Do you want to?”

"Kinda.”

"Do you kind of want it, or-" Henry tried hard not to wheeze as Joey gave him an annoyed look, "want it, want it?”

There was a moment of silence.

"I don't.”

They both laughed hysterically.

Kinda.

✪

First year anniversary party managed to lift up everyone's moods a bit but not long after that event it faded away. They kept pushing but kept losing enthusiasm. It was even harder to stand that grin.

The one Bendy posters have.

The one Joey Drew has.

Said man entered the corridor to the left after coming through the entrance. He stood quietly and watched his only animator work.

He realized it's been some time since they had a normal conversation. He can't deny this feels wrong. He feels... awkward... out of place...

He hesitated to start speaking. It was Henry who sensed someone's presence and looked in his direction.

"Hi," he only slightly raised his eyebrows, "What do you want?”

"Oh? Is it forbidden to just come to see your pal now?” he tried hard to mask his stress and make the tone sound convincing. Henry's sad smile as a reply made him somewhat relieved.

"No. But I need to work on this if I want to get out of this place today," that used to be a joke.

Joey immediately run back to the previous room and returned with a chair.

"Move yo ass.”

"Come on, you don't have to-"

"It's been months since I used a pen for anything else than my signature or script writing. I. Want. To. Draw.” he really did, Henry was almost jealous of his friend's excitement towards drawing. It was only becoming less and less fun for the shorter man.

"Okay, then, here," he gave a folder to Joey and explained what needed to be done.

It was quite pleasant to have some company. Joey was working in the next room but they could shout things at each other. And they did.

Henry worked at a really fast paste. And very effectively on top of that. He didn't realise that himself but there has been quite some time since he heard an actual compliment about his work. He lacked motivation. Maybe that's why not long after Joey started, he went out of his hall and approached his friend's desk.

"Hey, I wanted to ask how you feel about those back-"

Joey has been scribbling circles.

Henry blinked.

This whole time.

"What the-"

"I can't get his stupid head. I'm so out of practice.”

"Are you serious?”

"I know I goof a lot, but not in the mood for it right now, Hen.”

"Ah," he was slightly taken aback by the nickname. It's been so long, "Maybe you want less Bendys and I'll give you some Borises instead? It's good to try different things.”

"Yeah, that does sound good”, Joey gave him a thankful smile.

Henry didn't dare to show him his backgrounds. He thought something but pushed it away.

No way it would demotivate Joey. Nothing was able to bring this man down. Right?

So they kept drawing.

Later, without anything to show this time, Henry came to him again to check how things were going.

Their little devil darling looked on model, just the way he should be.

When he glanced at the Boris Joey was sketching, he almost froze. He saw a mistake repeated on a few sketches already.

"You won't make me correct all the frames to give him a tail, will you?” he let out a nervous chuckle. Joey furrowed his brows as he studied what he made.

He gazed upon Henry who could see something shifting through his boss’/friend's face but couldn’t quite catch it.

"You're tired.”

"I'm tired.” Joey nodded slowly.

He muttered thanks for reminding him and went back to work. So did Henry. As the animator sat down on his own place, he wondered why did this little thing bother him so much.

Because? It's no big deal, right? Everyone makes mistakes.

After something around twenty minutes, Joey took careful steps while going to Henry's desk. He held some paper sheets and a pen. His face was covered by some undefined mask, so hard to guess what he felt at this moment.

Henry guesses he was... embarrassed? Afraid?

Why?

"Can you... show me how the details on Boris’ overalls look like?” his tone was so quiet, Henry got the impression it wasn’t even Joey speaking.

"Sure," he took out one of the concept arts he barely touched now since the designs of the characters were basically engraved on his memory. He smirked teasingly, "What kind of director doesn't know his own characters?”

That was supposed to be a joke.

Gritted teeth and pencil moustache pointed down told him someone didn't take it as one.

"You don't have to remind me about that," he hissed and pretty much threw all the stuff at the desk, "I'm done.”

"No, I didn't mean- Wait, what? What are you-"

"I'm done. I can't... do this anymore.”

"Um, hello? Are you listening to yourself?” Henry pulled out a nervous smile which was supposed to resemble his concern, "You just need-"

"Practice, yeah, no shit," Joey sighed heavily and crossed his arms, "But I don't have the goddamn time.”

Henry just blinked and stared at him. Joey finally realized what was coming out of his mouth.

"I... I'm sorry. I wanted to help you but-"

"No, it's fine. Don't worry ab-" Henry reached for his shoulder to lay a hand on it but Joey flinched back.

"I'm not worried. Of course it's fine. Now excuse me, I won't waste any more of our time-"

"Hey! No! It's... it's okay if it's not fine, we can talk about thi-"

"No need to. It's fine,” it was the first fake smile Henry remembered after finally quitting the studio.

"I don't believe that. Can you just... stop running away from talking about what's really bothering you?” he approached the tall man.

"I have no idea what you're talking about,” he turned away, planning to exit the room.

"It's okay to admit something is wrong!” Henry grabbed his arm.

Before he gets pushed with an unexpected force, he saw Joey in a completely new form. His friend's face was furious. Paper and pens fell from the desk on the ground. An ink well spilled out its content on a few pages by shattering on top of them. Henry hit the wooden structure with his back and the blue eyes watched the green ones in disbelief.

Joey's expression instantly changed. He looked at the other's face, not sure what to say. Seemed like he tried to state something but failed as his mouth opened and closed.

He exited the room in a hurry.

✪

Joey has been sitting in his office for quite a while now. Motionless. Staring at his desk. At an envelope laying on it to be precise.

He was away for a few days so he missed the biggest news going around the studio right now. On the way to this room he noticed some people gossiping and there was an unusual excited atmosphere.

Subconsciously, he knew what was inside of it. The thought just didn’t form inside of his head.

With a slightly shaking hand, he reached for the paper and cut it carefully with a letter opener.

He noticed the biggest word right away and lost his breath.

BEFORE THEY SAY

"I DO”

KINDLY JOIN US FOR THE

WEDDING

UNITING

LINDA & HENRY

After that there were written the date, the place and his own name but he paid no mind to those.

The invitation was put back down slowly, the fingers holding it twitching.

Tall, thin body was unusually still. Looked calm.

But wasn’t.

It’s over.

He stood up and a noise of something shattering could be heard. He felt a pain in his arm as he looked at it being stretched. He stared almost blindly at the wall and hardly noticed a big stain on it. Then his mind went back to focus. There was glass on the floor and on a chest of drawers which stood under the ink splatter. He remembered to breathe again, which he continued to do heavily, and then slowly approached the furniture to study what he’s done.

He appeared to just have thrown an inkwell.

Oh, what a mess.

Nothing like the one inside his head.

Joey pulled out the drawers. Various things ended up flying out of them. Documents, pens, stamps, keys, you name it. Falling wood made cracking sounds as it hit the ground.

He went around the room pulling his hair.

The man passed a wine rack which he pushed furiously. Alcohol spilled on the wood and the luxurious carpet covering it.

He stopped walking ending back again at the desk. With one swing of the long arm, he managed to push everything off it’s surface. There was something wet on his sleeve and he raised it up to his face with disgust, expecting to see ink.

But it was red.

And it hurt.

It must have been the letter opener.

He almost collapsed on his back, but the chair behind him broke the fall, so he ended up sliding down it. His legs were pointed at different directions, his body in general looked like an abandoned doll. The bleeding arm rose to the chest and was being hugged to it by the other one. It was now, when everything else went quiet, nothing was shattered or thrown, that he heard sounds which only a hurt animal could have made.

It slowly got through to him that he was sobbing uncontrollably.

His limbs slowly woke up from that weird apathetic state and along with head started coming together to one point – curled into a ball.

Hide.

Stop.

From what? Stop what?

What…?

He didn’t want to think.

He didn’t want anything.

Not anymore.

He…

He just can’t have it.

He can’t have him.

No matter what he does. Nothing really matters. He can’t succeed.

THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!

His whole body trembled.

This isn’t right, this isn’t fair, this can’t be like this, he has to… he… he just needs to…

He has always believed you can achieve anything if you try hard enough. If you believe. If you keep going. At some point that dream will come true.

He fell on his side and put a fist inside his mouth to silence his own scream.

LIES. LIES. LIES.

What was right is wrong. Nothing is the way it’s supposed to be.

He felt that… toxic… desire… to get what he wants.

But the problem was… he didn’t want something. He wanted someone.

Henry isn’t and can’t be your damn property, you stupid piece of garbage. How pathetic can you be?

Dreams are supposed to be your power…

He choked on his tears, but that didn’t stop him from laughing.

…but they can also be your downfall.

✪

This was not what he dreamt of. He run his hand through his brown hair with ending that movement on the neck to give it a small massage. It ached a bit, his back did as well. And his hand.

Henry sighed. He was so tired.

Why won’t Joey hire more animators? They should afford to do so, and even if it was risky, they would rather benefit from it in the future as there would be less dangers of not meeting the deadlines. He managed to do everything alone but at what cost…

A wrinkle appeared on his forehead.

Joey won’t even help him anymore. And his name is in the goddamn-

He released the breath he was holding.

Time passed and things only seemed to get worse.

He put his hands on the Bendy sketch he was working on. He grasped one of the fingers and studied it.

He designed the main character. Heck, two main characters.

He gently touched and twisted the golden ring.

Does he want to live in his shadow?

Does he live in it?

Should he quit? What would happen to them? What job would he look for?

He didn’t want to think about this.

They wanted to start a family. He couldn’t be absent in their children’s life.

He needed to think about this.

Blue eyes closed.

Should he quit…?

✪

There was an unpleasant silence in the office. Heavy atmosphere hanging in the air.

Old friends sat on opposing sides of Joey’s desk.

They couldn’t look each other in the eyes. No one wanted to start speaking.

Henry asked for talking about something. Something important. Privately.

Joey exhaled deeply and looked up at the other one’s face.

"What-"

"I quit.”

Dark haired man blinked. Corners of his mouth rose but the smile didn’t reach the green irises.

"Let’s take it slow from here, okay? Tell me what’s the problem.”

"What isn’t a problem, Joey?” Henry didn’t expect himself to raise his voice. At least not so early, "Short answer is: I’m not happy here.”

Drew folded his hands and put them on the countertop.

"Could you elaborate on that?” his voice didn’t show anything except for impatience.

The animator swallowed his saliva.

"I’m working alone and it’s just too much work for one person, it’s entirely consuming my life-"

"Well, it’s like this in this bus-"

"I’ve become a fucking workaholic, Joey.”

"I… I’m sorry to hear that…”

"Haven’t you noticed?”

"Noticed what? How am I supposed to know what’s going on inside your head? You never tell me anything, you just wait till it all bursts out in one moment, and look what it lead to now.”

"Oh, well I… thought you knew me a bit better and were aware of some changes. I’ve been lying to myself because I have an addiction. And everyone around me seemed to notice. Everyone but you.”

"I thought you liked drawing.”

"I love drawing.”

"What’s the matter then?”

"That I’m a goddamn wreck, maybe that’s what. I’m… sort of… miserable… because of it… If it wasn’t for Linda, I surely would drown the sorrows in alcohol. Almost added drinking to the list of my problems, but she-"

"Oh, thank God, Linda is here.”

Henry didn’t miss the sarcasm in Joey’s tone.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

"She’s convinced you to quit for her, hasn’t she?”

"What? No! Well, we did talk about it, but it’s not like… This is MY decision, I’m doing this for my own sake… Well ours too but…” he shook his head and continued more angrily, "Are you suggesting that she’s… she’s… I don’t know, sabotaging?”

Joey didn’t stop his shoulders from shrugging and Henry could feel his teeth grit.

"I’ll tell you what,” he stood up, "The only person sabotaging anything here is you…”

"Henry, please, sit down-"

"You manipulative asshole.”

His boss gave him a dead stare.

Silence came back for a plenty of seconds, even worse to handle than before.

"You took my designs. You always used pretty words and ideas to get around it but the truth is you stole it from me.”

Joey listened to the accusations without showing any emotions. His mouth only once twitched.

"I won’t let you steal anything else.”

As a confirmation of his words, he turned around and headed for the door. When he pressed the handle, a cold, empty tone reached his ears and sent a shiver down his spine.

"Don’t you dare leave.”

Henry ignored it and walked out of the room. He was aiming his steps at the exit.

He felt as if his head was burning.

This is all wrong. How did they end up like this. Why is it hap-

"WHY AREN’T YOU LISTENING TO ME?!”

Against his will, his body faced the man following him.

Green eyes emitted fury and Henry experienced an irrational fear.

Of course he was mad. This was a hard situation for both of them. But it had to be like this.

It shouldn’t have to.

"I’m leaving. You can’t change my mind.” he replied in apologetic tone, even though he knew he wasn’t the one owning the apologies.

"What the fuck did she put into your head?” Joey asked in a disappointed tone and raised his arms in confusion.

"Leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with-"

"Oh, yeah?! Well, everything was okay before she started putting her fucking nose in places it didn’t belong,” taller man approached the shorter one, who was backing out carefully.

"I just told you to not involve her,” Henry growled, "You don’t even realise you’re the problem, don’t you?”

"Ah, of course!” he shouted and hit his forehead with right hand, completely forgetting they were in the hall where anyone passing could witness this scene. Luckily for them no one was there to see it.

Or maybe unfortunately.

"I forgot that three is a crowd.”

"What…?”

Joey immediately stopped and went silent. He was standing right in front of Henry, who also was done moving. Both of them were panting.

Both angry like they’ve never been.

A realization hit Henry like a train. He opened his eyes wide.

He was wrong. Many years from that moment he understood what was actually… the case…

But for now…

"You’re fucking sick,” now he took a step forward, "Just how controlling can you get?”

"What is that now, huh? What else have I done?”, Joey muttered but his tone seemed to have lost some fury, the loss being replaced with… fear?

That came to Henry as nothing else but a conclusion. Guilty.

He grabbed his best friend by the collar.

"You want to pull me away from her,” he hissed and his voice wasn’t ever as dangerous as in that moment.

Joey didn’t reply but his expression revealed his bewilderment and that somehow made Henry’s blood boil with rage. He rapidly pushed him away, long legs almost tripping over each other.

"You’re fucked in the head.”

"Henry-"

"I can’t believe I let you waste so much of my time, my energy… my… my life…”

"Listen to me-"

"No,” he cut him off and pushed again along with letting out a furious cry: "What the hell were you thinking?!”

"It’s not like this!” Joey noticed Henry getting ready to push him once more and tried to somehow stop his hands.

"Then how, huh?!” he went straight past Joey’s weak arms and grabbed him again, "How is it?!”

"I was just… I-I…” now he was the one pushing, anger suddenly kicking in and increasing his strength, "I was doing what had to be done to achieve our dreams!”

"Our dreams?” then Joey was the one backing out, "Or just yours?”

"I… I thought those were the same,” voice coming out from under the pencil moustache cracked.

"Well… maybe they were…” the animator’s tone calms down a bit as they reached an intersection of corridors. Behind Joey’s back was a place under construction which was going to be a break room. It was kinda upsetting Henry won’t even get to experience it. Would be nice… but at his position he probably wouldn’t even have a chance, "But not anymore.”

He held Joey’s vest with only one hand. He was ready to let go but-

"THEY ARE! IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF THIS FUCKING SLUT!”

Something red covered Henry’s vision. He didn’t know what was happening until he heard a loud thud. He blinked.

There was a smell of blood. His hand hurt and was wet. Blood on his hand. But what was that-

Again. Thud.

His eyes followed the noise.

There was a small trace of red dots leading to the beginning of the stairs.

Thud.

His chest suddenly felt heavy.

If he had air in his lungs, he would scream his friend’s name.

But he didn’t.

There was only one sound.

Thud.

And then silence.

A few seconds have passed before Henry finally moved. To him it could have been as well years. His legs felt like they were made out of iron.

Joey never realized he fell down the stairs. He was unconscious before he even fully registered being punched in the face by the person he only ever cared about.

For some reason there was one thing he remembered from that accident. Very clearly.

A sign he saw while the world was upside down.

"WATCH YOUR STEP”

Henry’s eyes stung. Hot tears rolled down his cheek as he watched the body at the bottom of the stairs. He would have sworn to God, he didn’t see it breathing.

Someone was coming.

People.

They will know.

Everyone will know.

Henry whispered a voiceless "sorry”.

He left in a heartbeat.

✪

There’s not enough air. There’s not enough air. There’s not enough air. There’s not-

Henry.

There were flashes.

Joey woke up in cold sweat and wanted to sit but wasn’t able to and it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt like hell.

There was light. Right above him.

And a face.

Henry?

It was a doctor.

The doctor told him many funny things.

Why was it funny?

Well, because it was a joke, of course! It just couldn’t be true! So it must have been a joke!

It! Was! So! Funny!

He was in a hospital. There were more people in the room, trying to calm him down.

They said he was having a hysteria attack.

How was that possible? It was not.

They’re joking!

They’re lying!

Isn’t joking just funny lying?

He didn’t feel his legs. He couldn’t use his arms properly.

They told him he had a spine injury. That he probably won’t be able to walk. Or at least not much, unless he’s really lucky. But they should focus on saving his arms.

They were so silly.

They said he won’t make it for too long. His body was so fragile right now, it was a matter of months until it shuts down completely.

So, so silly.

He asked for Henry.

Nobody told him anything except for that he had a concussion and shouldn’t have any visitors for a while.

Time passed. He barely noticed from all the drugs they gave him.

Then his head started to feel clearer.

He realized they weren’t lying.

He told them he didn’t remember what happened.

He was the one lying.

He was having visitors. Henry was not among them.

But there was the janitor.

The janitor…

Oh!

Franky!

Like a cute version of Frankenstein!

No, wait, it’s Wally!

Wally Franks. The janitor. A really important visitor.

Joey asked him for a favour.

✪

Wally looked around with confusion and scratched his head. He rang the bell again and held it for a longer while. Then he knocked and shouted out Henry’s name a few times.

Well, time to give up. He obviously wasn’t home. His car wasn’t even on the driveway.

Mister Drew just seemed… it just seemed really important to him. And he didn’t want to bring bad news to him, considering the situation his boss was in.

Speaking of the news, there was a stack of newspapers just laying on the pavement.

No one was there since a longer time.

The janitor didn’t need to count them to know the amount of days it took to deliver these was equal to the amount of days which passed since… the incident.

He even asked some people.

No one knew where Henry was. Same about Linda.

Something was telling Wally they were out of town.

Probably for good.

✪

He let out an unhealthy chuckle after he was done writing the letter.

Why does he keep doing it? No one even reads those. And never will.

Without knowing Henry’s current address, he just kept sending mail to his old one. No one lived in it anymore because it wasn’t for sale and it couldn’t be even considered a property belonging to the town, because they’ve got nothing on him.

That’s because Joey never made any statements about what happened. He faked a memory loss. Some people speculated about him remembering what happened, some tried talking to him about it, pointing out how his disappearance happened at the same time his accident did.

But he didn’t tell anyone.

Police would have to start looking for him. He could ruin his life.

And ruin what was left of his own life. But that would also take away his only achievement.

The studio. The characters they argued about amongst other things.

If he took out Henry’s trash, his old friend would probably return the favour.

He couldn’t move his legs at first but after some rehabilitation he managed to use crutches from time to time. On rare occasions he stood with a cane but didn’t really move with it.

His arms were really weak, but got stronger after he started using the wheelchair. Only the dominant left one was really usable though.

✪

The demon touches his glove with the uncovered right hand. His whole body is cold but this part seems almost comfortable.

✪

He sometimes was coming to the art department to watch the animators work. He has hired many after-

He never really paid attention to them though. The only desk he really looked at was the empty one outside the area they were working in.

Despite everything, he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it.

✪

Old man pants heavily as he escapes inky black stains whirling all around him. He reaches a corridor without a proper floor, only wooden boards put together in hurry to make a provisional bridge.

He can hear the Ink Demon closing in.

Henry takes his steps carefully. Falling would probably cause him to break his spine in half.

He thinks of the vertebrae sticking out of the deformed Bendy’s back.

He notices a sign at the end of the hallway. It’s upside down.

"WATCH YOUR STEP”

#bendy and the ink machine #batim fanfiction #joey drew #henry batim #henry x joey (one sided)#wally franks #halfart #halfpost #violence #injury #drinking #ask to tag

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joeygattotv · 6 years

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Columbia University Essay 2018

Imagine giving a nineteen-year-old the chance to say anything he wants to a sold-out Yankee Stadium crowd. This was my reality as a young internet personality with a large social media following—though while Yankee Stadium only holds 54,000 people, I was able to reach hundreds of thousands of followers every day. As an entertainer, I founded a social media company with a network of collaborators, accumulated 650,000 social media followers, and headlined a ten-city music tour in the span of three years. Two years ago, however, I made the decision to depart my full-time job as an entertainer to pursue a career in academia.

My decision to change career paths baffled my peers: “But you made it! Why do you want to go back to school?” On the surface, being admired by others for one’s work is something many spend their lives trying to achieve. I loved that my work contained elements of creativity, but at its core, I had become a business. I had constructed an algorithm for appealing to internet users and was effectively implementing it.

I found the most success early on in my career as a professional vlogger. The vlogger has recently taken the internet by storm by providing a new form of entertainment which provides the viewer with a lens into his or her own life. It is not the role of the vlogger to produce well-written sketches or beautiful music. Instead, the vlogger’s role is to be a real and accessible person, a virtual friend. This dynamic creates a new and more powerful type of influencer in today’s social media-based society. When I gained a new social media follower, it was not only due to my artistic ability, but also because I had made a personal connection. This connection was a powerful tool from a business prospective—brands like Audible.com, Postmates, and MTV were all very eager to work with me due to the level of influence I had over my audience.

As my follower count grew, so did my dreams. I began to focus on expanding my business by collaborating with other online content creators. My networking skills developed rapidly and I was soon collaborating with creators who had tens of millions of followers. I went on to start my own social media company, The Settle Down Kids, which was a collaborative network of creators who produced video content under a common social media brand. Everyone in the network assisted one another in their own personal brand development while simultaneously producing collaborative content under the Settle Down Kids brand. This provided a route to more rapid business expansion and greater content innovation. The Settle Down Kids went on to produce live shows, merchandise, and web applications.

Sadly, the entertainment industry has a dark side. My relationships with other influencers became purely functional. I would get fantastic opportunities to work with creators with huge online followings, yet the content we produced together was never of the highest quality. We were only collaborating with the intent of promoting ourselves in front of each other’s audiences.

We were abandoning the craft because it made our businesses more profitable. This began to feel unethical as my content became more ingenuine. I had more eyes on me, yet, they were no longer seeing the real me. I was someone young people looked up to, which was a big responsibility that I was no longer taking seriously. I had been given the power to communicate ideas in a way people readily responded to, yet I was no longer using my power for good.

Two years ago, I rebranded myself and began encouraging my followers to pursue higher education. With the vast amount of anti-science rhetoric in the United States today, I felt I could make the greatest impact by making school “cool” again. From anti-vaxxers to climate change denialists, the mass open disregard for scientific facts has become too difficult for me to ignore. As an influencer, I felt uniquely positioned to combat this fraction of this epidemic impacting our youth. Alongside my general pursuit of knowledge and hunger for a greater challenge, I felt the world was missing a major social media influencer who was also an ambitious academic. Therefore, I enrolled in my local community college as a computer science major in the spring of 2016. It was here that I fell in love with science.

An elite scientist must find a union between logic and creativity to answer complex problems. From programming to mathematics, I found that the same skills that I used to produce content could also be used to solve technical problems. I could be producing a review of the Grammys or proving the cosine reduction formula, both have many different solutions yet some are more elegant than others. Finding the most creative way to get from point A to B is really at the core of both art and science. My studies helped me develop not only scientific skills, but also a scientific perspective which allowed me to comfortably engage my followers in discussions on climate change, artificial intelligence, and social policy. I greatly admired scholars like Andrew Ng, Neil Degrasse Tyson and Geoffrey Hinton who not only progressed their scientific fields, but also effectively communicated their ideas to the public. As my academic career progressed, I found that my desire to do good would be best fulfilled by devoting my life to science and pursuing a career in scientific research.

My dream became a reality this past summer when I was accepted into the National Science Foundation’s “Research Experience for Undergraduates in Data Science for Advancing Human Services” program. It was here that I spent ten weeks alongside Professor Usman Roshan and his graduate student Girish Sukhwani from the New Jersey Institute of Technology conducting research in data science. Together, we worked on optimizing the efficiency of image classification algorithms used in the field of computer vision. While Professor Roshan and his graduate student worked on the production of his new computer vision algorithm, I was in charge of developing artificial neural networks for image classification tasks. Our team was able to successfully reduce the vast computational expense typically required by computer vision algorithms while maintaining a high quality performance level. I also lead the authorship of our project’s abstract, which was published in the NJIT 2017 Book of Abstracts and presented our research at the NJIT Summer Research Symposium. I left the program with advanced knowledge of data science and have been invited to stay at NJIT as a part time research assistant.

In the future, I hope to continue research in computer vision, which I believe is the most important topic within the field of artificial intelligence. While humans can learn a lot by touching, hearing, tasting, and smelling, we gather the most significant information through sight. In order for a computer to become truly intelligent, it must be able to see like a human. Computer vision research will be the key to unlocking the true potential of artificial intelligence and I am very excited to be a part of the most cutting-edge developments in the discipline.

I currently have a second place submission in the ASSISTments 2017 Educational Data Mining competition. This competition is based off of data collected from a 2013 study co- authored by two Columbia researchers that searches for correlations between a student’s affect estimates and their raw state tests scores. The task at hand is to use this data to predict if students will go on to obtain jobs in STEM fields. As someone who has spent the past two years focusing on artificial intelligence and educational awareness, I felt an immediate connection with this project. It not only challenged me intellectually, but also sparked my desire to attend Columbia University. My ideal university not only delivers a great education but shares my desire to use data science to revolutionize the educational system.

Before I participated in the research program this past summer, I had no real interest in Columbia’s School of General Studies. As an aspiring scientist, I was skeptical of the liberal arts degree. The engineers at my college scoffed at those not pursuing a Bachelor’s of Science. Upon gaining real research experience, however, I now see the great value a liberal arts education will bring me. As a researcher, technical proficiency is a must, but equally as important are verbal and written communication skills such as conducting captivating research presentations and writing eloquent papers. The diverse range of courses in the liberal arts degree train one to think critically and provide a wide breadth of knowledge that is particularly important in the realm of data science. The most impressive part about the Columbia School of General Studies is the structure of their Data Science program. As Data Science and Artificial Intelligence are relatively new fields of study, most schools do not have a program that properly prepares students for graduate-level work in these fields. Data Science is truly a cross-disciplinary study of Computer Science and Statistics, and Columbia is one of the only universities offering such a program to undergraduates.

To most, being a machine learning researcher may not be as cool as being a vlogger. I think it’s time for that attitude to change, however. The online community needs a passionate and educated voice willing to show everyone how amazing providing public service through science can be. Columbia will prepare me not only to be a researcher, but to be a leader. My goals require so much more than a traditional education—they require a Columbia education.

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volume11magazine · 6 years

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Cassidy Jane (Artist Interview)

Josh Wickins

Cassidy Jane from Brampton, Ontario is a dedicated, versatile artist. She’s someone with a clear vision and plan for her future. Someone with a good head on her shoulders for a 20-year-old aspiring musician. She’s the newest artist of BackRow Records, and here to show us she’s the next big music business management success story.

Being around music her whole life, having musician parents, Cassidy has been playing music since she was around 8 or 9 years old. She started to take it seriously shortly after at age 11, by practicing more and collaborating with others. Crafting her singer-songwriter folk sound over the years. She plays a wide assortment of instruments including guitar, keyboard, ukulele, bass guitar as well as being a fantastic vocalist. As of right now she only has a handful of rough, home recordings. But that will not be the case for long.

Highly influenced by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, whom to her is one of the most talented musicians and personifies to her what it’s like to be a performer and touring musician. Also, a huge Bob Dylan fan and even brings it to the modern ages with her love of Black Berry Smoke and rap artist J Cole.

Now after years of jumping between softball player and being an aspiring musician, Cassidy hung up the cleats and glove. Finding it too overwhelming to balance the two and felt that the sport was not allowing her to grow in the way she wanted. She could now put her all into her music and start to create and fulfill her dreams. The first step to that dream was Durham College’s music business management (MBM) program.

Now to fully get her whole story, you have to know that this program was not her first choice. While still in grade 12, she originally had plans to attend school to become a nurse. But after a year off and a change of life, Cassidy knew that this industry was where she was meant to be to fully chase her dreams, her passion, and greatest joy in life. The road so far has not been an easy one though. During her first year in the program, the college went on strike. She described that time to me as “mentally frustrating and full of unknowns”. I could only imagine how tough it must have been, not just for her but for everyone. What she said next though, reiterated just how determined she was, “I’m here, so I might as well keep going”. She didn’t give up, she didn’t succumb to the pressure. She. Just. Kept. Going. I then went on to ask Cassidy what her favourite part of the program is so far, and this is what she had to say. “It’s all been great, the teachers, the people, the content. It’s refreshing to see people eager to succeed”. That answer really stuck out to me, as I feel the same way about being around people who are just as passionate as me; it helps push you to be/do your best when you see others doing the same. Not only is Cassidy here to “learn to be independent and work for me”, but she’s also here to learn from everyone else and feed off their energy to achieve her goals.

This year has brought a lot of new and exciting opportunities for Cassidy Jane. Now managed by fellow first-year student Royce Freeburn of TakeOver Management, she got signed by BackRow Records with great enthusiasm and excitement. BackRow immediately wanted to sign her after contacting her, and it’s been straight uphill from there. Already co-writing a Christmas song for the Holiday Album due out this year with local artist Pat Canavan, which she described as “easy to write with, and felt super organic”. She’s already planning to get into the studio and start recording song tracks in the very near future.

It was so cool to see just how happy and passionate she was when telling me everything that has been happening in her career so far, and I can’t wait to see what comes next. I went on to ask her what she hopes to learn and achieve from working with BackRow, “I want to gain as much experience as possible, get comfortable in the studio and in songwriting in general. [To] be able to screw up and it not ruin my career”. This showed me that she really is here to not only learn about herself but from everyone around and not waste this great opportunity to work with such a great team of hard-working people.

Confident, passionate, and beyond genuine. This interview not only showed me her drive to become successful but her awareness of everything else around her and all the intricate moving parts that go into becoming a success. You can have the voice or the technical skills of playing an instrument, but if you’re lacking in the most important part of being a musician; your passion and desire to succeed, then all those talents go to waste. Cassidy though, proved that she has all of the above. Watch out world, this is a train you want to hop on now - cause trust me, you’ll be hearing that voice and guitar soon enough. This is only the beginning of Cassidy Jane’s journey.

Find out about all of Cassidy’s upcoming content on the BackRow Records social media!

#josh #artist interview #backrow #back row records #volume 11 #Music Journalism #journalism #Cassidy jane #MBM

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myshatteredme-blog · 6 years

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I’m a senior in college... and I’m having an identity crisis.

I know what you’re thinking. College seniors don’t have identity crises. We’re about to graduate. We’re supposed to have our lives together by knowing exactly what we want to do in the next five years with a career, significant other, and names of the next three currently non-existent children lined up in a crisply wrapped box with a shiny red bow. And yet, here I am, about to enter my senior year without a single clue what I want to do afterwards because what I thought I wanted turned out to be shattered cookie crumbs at the bottom of the Chips Ahoy box I'd hoped to consume as my daily nutritious breakfast. Hey, I’m a stressed college student and Chips Ahoy is delicious.

Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked.

When I applied to colleges during my senior year of high school, there was only one thing I wanted in my four year university: a good dance program. I started taking ballet lessons when I was five years old and continued to try different styles throughout elementary and middle school. Some years I did lyrical, or tap. Others I went back to the basics of ballet. But I never stopped or took a year off. I never even switched dance studios. I loved it way too much to ever put it behind me, and I still love it with the same amount of passion, if not more.

However, things got a little more complicated in high school. Ever since I was eight years old, I’d struggled with my body image. Around that time, my pediatrician informed my parents that I was “overweight” and needed to go on a strict diet. My mom, who trusted doctors, as people should be able to do, just wanted the best for me and therefore became obsessed with the food pyramid which was still widely accepted as healthy and legitimate. Her efforts kind of backfired though. I remember the strict restrictions she put on my food intake only made me want sugar and potato chips and candy more than ever. One time I snuck downstairs to our kitchen and snatched a bag of Lays from the top of the refrigerator where she thought I couldn’t reach them. My plan was to run upstairs and consume the whole bag, but unfortunately I was caught. Instead of taking them away from me, my mom decided to play the guilt card.

“What would Dr. (insert name here) say?” she said as she stood over me with her hands on her hips. Now, my mom is a short woman who has always had a difficult time saying no, especially to her kids. Luckily for her, I’ve always been a people pleaser so it didn’t matter much. Not this time though. I ignored her, ran upstairs, and ate the whole bag while watching Disney Channel on my parents’ TV. I was the poster child for couch potato, or at least that’s how I felt.

That memory ingrained itself in my brain for years.

If only I’d just lost weight then like I was supposed to, I wouldn’t be so fat and ugly now.

I lived in constant guilt and shame until I was 15 and decided to do something about it, thus marking the beginning of my six year battle with various eating disorders, anxiety disorders, and depression. It was also around that time I decided I wanted to be a professional dancer and joined my studio’s competitive team.

I could go into all the details about how difficult that time was, but I think you get the point and that’s not really what this story is about, even though it is a very important component. I will say that there is something incredibly disheartening and heartbreaking about the one thing in the entire world you want seemingly requiring a very specific body type and not being able to achieve it even through extreme, life threatening measures. Additionally, being constantly evaluated and having your body scrutinously examined in class everyday can very easily break you. It broke me.

I asked for help before coming to college, but I didn’t really start to get better until the end of my sophomore year, and I still struggle a lot today to the point where I often skip class simply because I can’t handle being seen in public. It’s a lot better though, and my mental and physical health have both improved immensely. Which I guess brings me to the present day and my ongoing identity crisis.

Part of me wonders if I only loved dance because my eating disorder made me addicted to exercise and I couldn’t imagine a career where I didn’t push my body way past its limits everyday. Another part of me knows that those thoughts are just my eating disorder (I call him? Her? It? Ed) trying to take away something that matters dearly to me. Ed is a jerk like that.

What I do know is that I am in love with dancing, but going to class everyday and facing my reflection in the mirror while being constantly judged by teachers and peers is one of the hardest and emotionally draining things I’ve ever done. I do it because I refuse to give in, or give up. I want to show the world, and myself, that any body is capable of being a talented dancer.

But I do wonder what the point is if I have way more difficult classes than joyful ones. It’s cliche to say, but life is way too goddamn short, and I’m not sure if I want to spend it doing something that doesn’t make me irrevocably happy, at least most of the time.

I actually had a counseling session with my therapist yesterday where I brought all this stuff up. I was a little reluctant to do so because saying it outloud made the doubts and possibility of change real, and I’m not a huge fan of change or decision making. Thank you, anxiety. It actually ended up being a really good conversation though. She said something that really resonated with me and that was that I didn’t have to quit dancing if I decided not to major in it. She told me that it seemed as if it wasn’t the dancing itself that was triggering to me, but the fact that grades and constant evaluation were taking the joy out of it. I thought about it for a while, and realized she was probably right. I’d stop saying “I get to go to dance class” and started saying “I have to go to dance class or I’ll get an F.” I started thinking “I have to be good at this so I can pay off my student loans” instead of “I hope I get to do big performances someday because it sounds really fun.”

For a long time I defined myself as a Dance and Creative Writing double major, and I was proud of that identity, but I think I’m coming to the realization that maybe I can still be a dancer without studying it in school and that’s okay. During the school year, I’m a Resident Adviser, and I tell my residents and friends all the time that almost everyone changes their major at some point at least once. I never thought that person would be me considering I had my whole life planned out before even arriving at college, but maybe I should start taking my own advice and accept that things change and people change and that’s okay.

I don’t plan on ever quitting dance, even when I’m 80 years old and can barely walk. In fact, I actually looked into different dance companies, studios, and programs in the area so that I could still take classes even if I stopped taking them with my university. The prospect actually made me really excited because the studios I looked into offered a variety of styles from hip-hop and tap, to salsa, swing, ballet, and contemporary. Something I’ve never liked about my university’s Dance Program is their lack of variety that branches off from contemporary and ballet, and I think I would actually be a lot happier taking classes in a plethora of styles.

A couple weeks ago, a friend confessed to me their struggle with bulimia because they knew I’d had an eating disorder and wanted a bit of advice for how to tell their parents. I’ve always enjoyed supporting other people and learning about their diverse experiences, especially when they connect with my own because I can help them feel less alone. It’s probably the main reason I love to read. I’ve also always defined myself as a good friend. I try to keep my phone volume on at night so my friends know they can reach me at any hour (despite the fact that it makes my roommates hate me a tiny bit) because I know that sometimes our darkest moments happen in the middle of the night when we are alone.

Helping my friend through the terrifying decision to ask her parents for help was incredibly fulfilling for me. I’d been going through a bit of a relapse with my eating disorder and talking to her reminded me of all the self-care tools I’d learned throughout my years. It sounds awful, but it also gave both of us a good laugh to be reminded that some of the things we think, while totally valid, are also sort of ridiculous. In addition to being a jerk, Ed is also ridiculous.

It got me thinking about what kinds of things make me happy. Reading makes me happy because it allows me to connect with others and learn about experiences different from my own. Writing makes me happy because I feel as if I can share my values and experiences in hopes that they support other people and let them know they aren’t alone. Dancing makes me happy because it grounds me to myself while expressing myself artistically and telling stories with music and movement. I enjoy spending time with nature and taking pictures to appreciate the little things in the world around us. I’m also very passionate about my work as a Resident Adviser because I know I make a difference in the lives of my residents.

Basically the biggest defining factor, the core memory at the center of my islands as they’d say on Inside Out, my absolute favorite movie of all time, is a fascination with the amazing miracle that is humanity, and how we can use stories to spread kindness and awareness into the world.

I’d always had a slight inclination toward psychology. I took a 101 class in high school and another in college. I really enjoyed both and wanted to take more classes in the subject, but wasn’t particularly motivated to go to grad school, which is unfortunately almost necessary if you want to do anything with psychology.

But now I’m starting to wonder if I’d missed my calling.

What if I’m a college senior and I missed my calling?

Ah, there’s the anxiety. We were getting a little too serious and insightful up in here.

But yeah so here I am so close to the finish line wondering if I need to start over. I still want to continue my studies in Creative Writing because it is something I am deeply passionate about. I also want to continue dancing, even if it’s not in a college program. I have this slight dream of maybe opening a body positive studio someday and encouraging dance as a practice for anyone, not just really thin ballerinas. So that’s definitely a possibility for my future. I already have enough credits to change my major to a minor without any repercussions so I’m looking into maybe doing that. I’m also looking into potentially adding a psychology minor to my academic studies.

Somewhat unrelated, but it’s important, I promise. I’m a huge fan of the vlogbrothers, a YouTube channel with John Green (the author) and Hank Green (the science geek and soon to be author). My favorite thing about their channel and their lives is that they do things that make them happy for a living. Hank is a science major of some kind or another but now he’s writing young adult fiction and singing songs about Harry Potter both on stage and on the internet. John started his education and career as a minister in hospitals, and now he writes books about teenagers and makes videos on YouTube about his garden (among many other hilarious and educational topics). I’ve always admired their ability to tackle new projects and pursue things that matter to them while also raising families of their own.

Basically what I’m getting at is, maybe I don’t know exactly where my life is headed but I think this change might be for the better in regards to my personal growth, mental health, and engagement in well-rounded studies that I’m passionate about. Maybe I’ll go to grad school. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll make it big on So You Think You Can Dance. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll become a bestselling author, or counselor, or mom. Maybe I’ll become all of those things or something entirely different. For now I’m content pursuing my options and trying to participate in the activities and studies that make me happy. (In addition to working with Academic Advising and Career Services so I don’t end up broke, homeless, and alone).

So yeah, I guess there’s me, or at least what I understand to be me.

For now.

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