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ilikecheeseandchocolatee · 15 days

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Kinda vent post? Like not really but it’s just me rambling. Read the tags before the post tho (very important!!!!!!)

I’ve decided to hole up on tumblr for a while because no one here knows me so I can be weird and mentally I’ll without judgement.

Today is a day. Like i can’t describe it as “the worst” day out of the recent bad days because honestly it was quite peaceful. But it was bad in the sense that my mental health is seriously kicking my ass and like. I like playing Bin Weevils, i love my bin pet whom I’ve named Unicorn, i love playing with her. I love watching Big Hero 6 the series, i love watching miraculous ladybug. I love watching Thai dramas. I love playing my towers of Hanoi thing (i time myself a lot, it’s 8 rings) and i love the toy thing with bubbles like you push it in and then flip it around and push it in again and it makes a satisfying pop sound idk what it’s called. I love all of those things but i tried to do them to cheer myself up but then i just didn’t wanna do any of it. Not even the popping thing. I just ended up laying in bed with a pillow wrapped around my head to make me feel better. After months of being better I considered downloading Township again, which is a game i play to make myself less suicidal. Which i have been recently. Except this is NOT a good time because A, the game is super addictive and I’ll be stuck on it for AT LEAST a week before I’ll be able to pull myself off it. And B, my A Levels are next month and i haven’t actually covered my entire syllabus yet. I have a month to teach myself all my subject material AND prepare myself for the exam and as of right now im doing none of it. Because i get up late and when I do I just stay in bed and don’t have the motivation to do anything.

My mental health is REALLY kicking my ass rn.

But i did cheer up today. Because of the stupidest thing. I read the Elon Musk deposition and it was so ridiculous in some places that i laughed. Yes, i read the entire thing. It has so much entertainment value and i highly recommend it for those who are bored. And because of that i cheered up for the few hours that are left of my day now.

So then Bigil was gonna be on TV and i wanted to watch it because it looked cool, so TV time. Bigil is a Tamil movie released in 2019 (correct me if I’m wrong about this) and it’s about football and empowering women and it’s a really good movie. And it has one of my favourite actors so that was a plus. I also cried like 3 times during the movie because some parts are SO EMOTIONAL. i doubt anyone reading this will watch Bigil but spoiler alert anyway: when the dad is stabbed and he jumps out of the train, that was the first time I cried. Because Michael jumped out of the train to Delhi and cue action scene where he slaughters all the people that killed his dad, doing exactly what his dad had NOT wanted for him. He had wanted him to go to Delhi and be a national football player and never become a violent gánster like himself, but that’s EXACTLY what Bigil did the moment his dad was stabbed. He jumped off the train. And beat everyone up. And it was breaking my heart.

Spoiler alert again: the second time I cried was when the second MIA player was having her story told where that chuttad smashed her face with what i think was an egg filled with acid? And it was just so fucking heartbreaking I can’t talk about it. And the third time I cried was when another player was dumped out of the back of a Jeep in a fucking sack and when they opened the sack she was barely conscious and she’d been forcefed huge amounts of cocaine. That just probably made me break down (/nsrs) it was so horrible and heartbreaking.

I did cry again at the end of the movie but that was crying from joy because it was a good ending and it cheered me up immensely.

Unfortunately when the movie was over it was already like 23:20 for me so now i don’t have long left I should sleep. It’s 00:49.

But yeah my mental health is kicking my ass in terms of my academic endeavours and i really don’t appreciate that. Idk what to do to get myself to function normally again. My mom’s being super supportive of me now that she knows I’m mentally ill, but it still sucks because at least, before she found out she wasn’t so worried about me. After the doctors told her she broke down crying and ever since then she’s way too worried for me. Which is probably justified right now actually because it’s been so so hard to not kill myself. Im literally making exact plans in my head which is NOT good. And i keep zoning back in to realize that im singing a song in my head, and they’re like tunes of the muffin man rhyme or like some pop song but my brain’s using “i wanna die” and “im gonna kill myself” as lyrics. Which is. Disturbing. I didn’t think I’d be like this again after I was started on medications.

It was very sinister this morning zoning in and realising that im singing to the tune of the muffin man. “Im gonna kill myself, gonna kill myself, gonna kill myself” with all the cheeriness of the original rhyme. It was just. I’d say traumatising but in this case it’s my own brain giving me that trauma.

That’s really not something I want to do to myself.

I seem to keep alternating between “i wanna die because i don’t deserve happiness” and “i wanna die because i don’t deserve all the bad stuff happening to me”. Like brain, pick a side. Why exactly are we dying. Is life a good thing or not. Am i happy right now or not. I genuinely desire to know. What exactly is making me want to die.

Even if it’s mental illness, like what is it stemming from exactly. Okay my autism clinician said that i went into depression because of my autism and at the time I disagreed with him but recently I’ve started thinking maybe he’s not wrong, he’s right but not because of the reasons he’s thinking of. I know me being different from everyone else pisses me off a lot because i just want to fit in you know. Feel like i belong somewhere. And maybe the frustration of never having that is making me depressed.

I just. It’s different to what I’ve thought my entire life. Memory issues kick my ass too but for as long as I’ve known, in middle school i thought I was going crazy BECAUSE i wanted to kill myself so bad and that’s not a normal thing. Clinician hypothesised that i wanted to kill myself because i thought I was crazy? Okay maybe but idk. I’ve always believed the former but. What if the clinician is not wrong. Like what if I thought I was different and that’s why i wanted to kill myself, which led me to believe I was crazy. Like i knew I was different but i don’t think I paid that much attention to my difference. Like as much as the fact that people hated me and i hated myself. It is so so weird wanting to kill yourself when you’re barely conscious of the concept of death. I was a child. No child deserved that, not even me. With all the bitchiness that i had ih me back then. Even I didn’t deserve feeling like that at such a tiny age.

Every since finding out that im depressed and autistic, I’ve tried to help myself in any way I can but idk HOW. I’ve tried so many things that I’ve grown immune to practically every method I can think of. I go outside look at the sun look at trees touch grass and shit and all I can think is “im sweating. I wanna die.” I go to a public library and sit there in the midst of hundreds of books and i think “I’ll never be able to acquire all of the knowledge this library holds. I wanna die.” It rains. “My socks are wet. I wanna die.” I listen to upbeat music. “I wanna make an AMV of this so bad and i still haven’t made all the AMVs I’ve planned. Wanna die.” I listen to sad music. “Life is sad. Wanna die.” I literally will watch a show that i LIKE and ENJOY and that makes me HAPPY, but a couple episodes in i just turn it off because it’s not hitting and there’s no point. Like in the past idk decade of being depressed I’ve tried so many things that now i just feel immune to any motivating thing I come across. Now the things that motivate me are unconventional things like the Elon Musk deposition of today.

I don’t have time for this stuff right now. I need to study. I need to get past this and i need to get into university this year and i need to do so many things. And it’s a lot. I don’t have time to sit and slowly try to make myself function again. What i need to do is study. And fucking plane tickets or whatever.

Honestly when I go back to England this time I’m probably not gonna be able to stop myself from becoming violent if anyone at school pisses me off even once. And i probably don’t want to stop. The nice people won’t piss me off it’s only the gaands that will piss me off and they definitely deserve some kicks to the ass, accounting for all the times in the past 2 years that they’ve pissed me off.

Swearing in Hindi feels so freeing like no one will be able to tell I’m calling them an ass or a dick. They’re just sounds to generic white people. I could say it with a sweet tone and they wouldn’t be able to do anything because even if they think it’s a swear they can’t prove it because they don’t know Hindi and im saying it to them nicely anyway. Imagine saying “tere baap ke chuttad se nikla hua gadha” in a sweet voice and them doing absolutely nothing about it. Actually yes, im gonna do that if only to give them hell for being dicks during year 12.

Okay i feel better now with my new game plan. I might even work out again so I can put my karate skills to use. Im never seeing anyone from that school again, might as well go out with a bang.

Unconventional motivation to keep living. 👍

Anyway yeah it’s 01:15 i should probably go to bed now.

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i-got-a-good-feelin-bout-this · 2 years

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This Isn't You ( Howzer x Afab Reader)

a request from @PrincessJ420 from AO3

"How about Howzer is supposed to interrogate the afab reader (a captured Rebel), but they have a history together, so they have sex instead?"

Masterlist

tws-Angst, mentions of torture (none happens), mentions of potential, death (no one dies), binding (handcuffs), unprotected sex (wrap it up, peoples)

NSFW BELOW CUT, MINORS DNI

If you press Keep reading you are confirming to be 18 years of age or older.

notes- wrote this a while back and changed a few things from the original post on my main blog.

You were pissed. That's an understatement actually, words can't describe how angry you are. Here you are stuck in an integration room on Ryloth. You knew exactly who would be here, Captain Howzer. You let out a groan, it was supposed to be a simple recon mission. Get the details of the base for the rebellion, and get out; But here you were in an integration room. You looked around the bland room, seeing the metal table in front of you You were pissed, no doubt about that, yet you were also sad. Sad knowing you're gonna see him and see the life you had dreamt with him drift away. Back when the empire was the republic you were a mechanic for him and his men. You, of course, couldn't keep away from the captain. His charming nature and kind heart melted yours. Or it did. Now he was a captain for the empire. And he was gonna have to hurt you. You loved him, but you would never give up the rebellion secrets. You shook your head and leaned back, looking around the room for cameras. None, surprisingly. You shot up as the door opened and a surprised look riddled his handsome face. No one must have told him you were the rebel spy. His eyes softened as Rampart entered the room and started to dig into your ass. Questions on questions that would go unanswered by you. You looked down away from them and eventually the vice admiral gave up. He quickly turned to howzer, “get me my answers, I'm done dealing with this rebel scum.” A smile found your face, rebel scum. You liked that. When the door closed you looked up, “rebel scum eh, not too bad.” you declared. “(y/n) please.” Howzer started as he took his seat across from you. “ This is serious, I can't help you.” You missed his voice. You frowned, “ I know.” you sighed as you looked at him, “ I don't think we're getting out of this one cap. “ you muttered tears in your eyes. You don't know why you're crying, you shouldn't be. It was so long ago and you've lived a long life. He shook his head and got up moving towards you. He leaned down to you as he wiped your tears away. “Oh don't cry mesh’la. Don't make this harder than it has to be,” he begged of you. “I'm sorry Howzer, I can't give you that information. I can't give it to anyone.” you maintained. “(y/n) pleas-” “NO” you shouted, cutting the man off. You looked him in the eyes and exclaimed “ if I die to keep the rebellion safe, then I died fighting for something I believe in ” using knowing he worries he's told you in the past against him. He looked shocked and stood up. “You're gonna throw your life away for some rebellion?” he questioned “You've SEEN what they are doing, you know this is wrong!” you spat at him. “SO WHAT, what could I possibly do. Leave my men, You know that isn't an option.” he shook his head, “I want to leave, but I will not leave without my men (y/n)” he whispered to you. Your eyes soften as you look at the distressed man. “Then you don't leave your men,” you muttered, thinking “And how would I do that?” he questioned looking up from his hands. You shook your leg, not being able to move your hands because of binders.

“ You could be a rebellion spy, on the inside. We can get the information and provide Ryloth the supplies they need and- and you can slowly convince your men to join you. Then when the big attack happens you and your men-” You were cut off by Howzer's lips on yours. “Mesh'la, you're being too loud. The guards could hear you. “ he whispered on your lips. A hum escaped your mouth as you looked up at him, a soft smile on your face. “Is that a yes?” you asked with hopeful eyes, “It is,” he answered, a worried smile on his face. He then shook his head letting out a sigh,

“ I can't believe I'm finally doing it.” “We. We're doing it Howzer. You won't be alone in this.” you comforted him, and the worried look slowly disappeared from his face. A smile replaced it, studying your face. “I missed you (y/n), so fucking much. “ He whispered to you, holding your face gently. He gently leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips. Gentle, loving, turned passionate. “ I missed you so fucking much, all of you.” he gushed between kissing you. His hands on your body. You smiled, “ I missed you to Howzer, but the binders please.” you asked holding up your wrist to him, which he took kissing said wrist. “Wish I could but the sensors would go off if they were taken off.” he apologized. You let out a sigh, “damn, I was hoping this would go somewhere.” you huffed. He smirked looking down at you, “it still can, if you want it?” he asked. You blushed, “I would really like that sir.” you breathily answered. He then lifted you up by your thighs, putting you on the cold metal table. His lips attacked yours as he did so. He touched you all over, while you still binded hands pressed against his chest. He slowly made his way down your neck, you letting out a yelp as he pulled your shirt slightly down kissing the top of your breast. He smirked up at you and pressed a kiss to your lips quickly. “I missed those lovely noises you make, mesh’la ” he muttered on your lips. He then bent down, pulling down your pants and underwear in one swift movement. He bit his lip looking at you, he pressed a quick kiss to your bottom lips. You let out a soft groan, as he pulled the necessary armor off and pulled down his blacks. His long member sprung out. He held his palm out for you and you spit into his hand, your eyes never leaving his member. Its been too long since you've been with him. You missed him. His thick dick, not super long but definitely not short; With black curls at the base of it. He lubed his dick with your spit and rubbed a bit on your already lick entrance. He rubbed his member along your entrance and you bit back a moan. “Fuck I missed you, missed this,” he said, sliding into you. You both let out a moan. He quickly started to move. He bent over you, laying you down on the table. One hand holding your binded wrist above your head. The other was on your waist holding you as he pushed into you. He kissed you wherever his lips could reach, muffling his groans. You tried your best to be quiet, but it was hard. He stretched you in a way no one else could, and reached places others couldn't. He made you feel a way no one else could, especially when he was fucking you. “Oh, your so fucking tight mesh’la. My dirty rebel spy” You let out a loud moan at his dirty words. You muffled the following one, knowing how bad it would be if you got caught. You felt his hand move, felt your hands free of his grasp and his fingers on your clit. You let out a yelp and your moans increased. You felt yourself squeeze around him occasionally. He would groan into your neck, rubbing your clit faster. He could feel you were close and he knew he was close too. You then moaned out loudly as you came on him. After a few more thrusts he came inside of you, knowing you had the implant put in a few years ago. He pulled back slightly looking down at you, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “I love you so much (y/n)” he stated. “I love you,” you whispered to him, out of breath. He then pulled you up and pulled your pants up. He then put his armor and blacks on. He fixed your and his hair. Then he grabbed your wrist with a smirk and said “Well, let's get you out of here rebel scum.”

Masterlist

#the bad batch #bad batch #captian howzer #clone trooper howzer #tbb fic #howzer x reader #howzer x reader smut #tbb x reader #tbb fanfiction #howzer x you #star wars #star wars tbb #ao3 fanfic #ao3 request #smut #x reader

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llapdog · 11 months

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the OFFICIAL god is home retrospective

well, i was gonna make this an update to the website, and maybe i will, or maybe ill just link it on the last page. but i have an account on tumblr already, and ive tried to keep godishome posting to a minimum. so this is just a little post (possibly long. i havent written it yet, after all.) (update: it's long.) about god is home, the process of making it, my thoughts on it at this point in my life, and what i might (heavy on that might!) be working on next. put under a read more, for your sake.

happy 200 notes, god is home.

the first thing i should say is the typical "artist gets any amount of success" thing: i am absolutely shocked by the reception god is home got.

ive been shocked. i dont think its undeserved (im actually pretty up my own ass about my own work, which i refuse to feel shame or apologize for) but it is still unexpected; as my first foray into proper Web Art territory, it really shouldn't have done that well. i mean, 200 notes isn't breaking any grounds, honestly, but it is still kind of incredible for what a small-scale project is. it will, i theorize, reach higher points, too. i suspect one day someone will find it again through pure chance, and it will get another little burst of reblogs, as tends to happen on this website. and thatll be surprising, and, most likely, embarrassing. but i digress.

while i've certainly implied it, i don't think i've ever explicitly stated that god is home is not technically my first online art project. god is home comes from a litany of personal projects. ARG concepts that never went anywhere, personal sites for the perusal of my friends made in an afternoon, countless ideas and concepts shared between discord dms and voice calls. but it is, uniquely, the only one of my works that has been shared publicly, not counting the old ARG that my once-friend-now-enemy created that i caused the spiraling death of. not saying which one, but i doubt anyone would remember it if i did.

that's to say nothing of the countless writing projects i've started and never finished. shoutout to all the half-baked haunted house manuscripts i got several chapters into before giving up on. your memory lives on in my singular success, and your influence will be felt for as long as i am creating.

that influence already lives, though. many of the ideas of unfinished projects crystalized in the story of god is home: haunted houses (and really houses in general, my obsession with them as a literal device so intense that it made me realize i am probably autistic), frayed relationships, failed parenting, living spaces, and the search for God where He cannot be. i've been obsessed with many of these ideas for as long as i can remember, and as such i have been unable to create anything unrelated to them until i could say with certainly that i had something to show for it, some published expression of my love for these themes.

god is home, therefore, has set me free. at least a little bit. i have felt legitimately tied to the narrative of a haunted house, inexplicably connected to it in a way that has felt inescapable. of course, gih does not take that haunting literally, but i feel it's felt in the corners, most prominently in the ending sequence. it is a house haunted by its inhabitants, by their relationship, and, of course, by God, or the lack thereof.

this isn't to say i'm done with haunted houses. i wouldn't want to be. i couldn't be. but i am at least willing to write about something else, now.

but for as personal as god is home is, its also not made for me. i believe i talked about this briefly in the actual website, but i made this with and for my friends. i was helped explicitly by gerry (@graveyardcat7, shoutouts) who did the art, and who also was the only one who "playtested" this thing before i showed it to the larger friend group. that group, those three people (really four, counting myself), are who this was made for. it wasn't for you, unless you're one of them. my audience is nearly singular.

that has made public reception to this both baffling, wonderful, and difficult. i certainly don't want to act like i'm tortured because people (checks notes) liked the thing i made, but it is certainly strange to see something so personal, almost private be largely taken as a piece of Relatable Media. it's meaningful, of course, indescribably so. theres a kind of beauty i didn't expect to knowing people found themselves in an expression of my own thoughts. to everyone who has expressed the importance of this story to them, i thank you.

what makes it even more baffling is that i fully expected myself to be portraying many aspects of this story incorrectly. while it is incredibly personal, it certainly isn't autobiographical. i don't particularly want to go into how, exactly, the story lines up with my life, but i think the most obvious and important is that i actually have very little personal experience with christianity. im not a stranger to it; i have vague memories of going to church, of knowing i was wrong in the eyes of god, in being vaguely uncomfortable with the visages of jesus' crucifixion.

but i am, ultimately, agnostic. an agnostic christian, maybe, but my family barely even celebrates christmas. i was also raised by an explicit atheist for the vast majority of my life, my father leaving the church when i was young. and my parents are some of the most supportive people in my life. they knew i was a girl when i was a kid, and they did everything in their power to make my life comfortable as a trans person (including, notably, talking to the organizers of a pre-school event to try and convince them to let me be tinkerbell instead of peter pan.)

my mother is christian, but she never forced it upon me. my religion was always a choice. and yet, somehow, christianity still got its claws in me, and i still fear hell. funny how that works. chalk it up to america in general, maybe.

a lot of the positive feedback ive received has been about its portrayal of christianity and the struggles of growing up in and around the church. so im glad i got that right. it is something i care about rather deeply, and i worried i had been portraying it borderline fetishisticly, despite my efforts to make it fair.

i worried a lot about what i was portraying, actually. theres this line i had to establish that i wasnt talking out my ass about this stuff, while still not wanting people to speculate about who i am, what my traumas are. i still dont want you speculating, by the way. it happens without meaning to, of course, but... you know. im a person, and to most of you, a stranger.

(shoutout to innuendo studio's and errant signal's videos on the beginners guide. made me fear being analyzed for all time. i watched them both as a kid.)

it's funny, but i feel like, in some aspects, god is home is more representative of the media that shaped me than the events in my life that shaped me. the most obvious inspirations are likely the indie web itself, deltarune, komaedalovemail, and, of course, hypnospace outlaw, a game that has shaped me deeper than i can really express. but the inspirations are innumerable; serial experiments lain probably shaped more of this project than you would ever guess (a fact i only realized after i started playing the psx game this week, hilariously), the album tallahassee by the mountain goats, the fucking chezzkids website, house of leaves, creepypasta, tabletop roleplaying games i played with my friends, jacob geller (particularly his haunted house analysis), several dozen modern art pieces, meow wolf the art collective, the goddamn aids crisis. (the aids crisis isnt media, but still, i can't exactly claim it as personal experience.) there's more, i know there's more, but it's escaping me.

it's an aggregation of things half-remembered. all art is. yet, i still feel some masturbatory urge to catalogue those inspirations. it is, i suspect, a very human urge.

but, ultimately, all of this is just pretext. i should probably get on with actually talking about making the damn thing. i made god is home in a week, largely at a job as a receptionist in a tax office. the work was seasonal, my coworkers deeply religious in the same way i was writing about. i hid my computer screen a lot. (my boss was cool with it, funnily enough.)

often, my best work is done in a fugue state. god is home is most of what i did for that week. i wrote, or i coded, or i looked up coding tutorials. and for a first draft made in a week with very little oversight, i think it's incredible it turned out that well. but... well, it is ultimately a first draft.

there's things i would change. most obviously, i would have an actual password input for that damn puzzle. the honest reason there isn't one is because i couldn't easily google a solution to implementing one. it is my deepest regret, and i hope you can all forgive me for this glaring mistake. i think some of the writing could be cleaner, or sharper, or more evocative. not that i have any interest in going for a second lap. gih is done, and it will remain done for the forseeable future.

...i don't have much else to say on that, honestly. i think my work is good. i think the central relationship is compelling. i think mary and michael are two of my favorite characters i've made, ever. as an author's secret, i totally think they should be t4t. i didn't make them a couple because it wouldn't have worked for the story i was telling, but it remains a sort of headcanon ending for the two of them. not for a while, though. don't take this as word of god, though. whatever you think their relationship is is correct. i'm not your dad.

i'm proud of the way i told their story. i'm glad it ends hopefully. hope is the main thing i wanted out of this story.

that being said, i do have one last thing to say: god is home is not an arg, and it makes me really sad to see people call it that. not a callout if you did that, though. i knew it would happen. its inherent that any media will be, in some way, misinterpreted. misinterpreting is the stuff media analysis is made up of, really.

so... that's the actual retrospective. but i promised i'd talk about what i might work on. so here's that.

i'm planning on making a personal site next, provided i can get the motivation. please note that i've been "planning on making a personal site" since the day gih was released, and so far i have done the following:

made a new neocities account

so it'll probably be a while. but if i ever do, it'll have some new story hidden in the margins. i don't think i have it in me to make a home without a few skeletons in the closet.

as for what that story will be... i have about a hundred different ideas. your guess is as good as mine, but know that it won't be about a house this time. most likely. hopefully.

i do also have plans to do something with unhomes, the sort-of-ARG mentioned in gih. i'm not done with this world, and i know i'll find some way to come back to it. maybe even back to michael and mary, but i make no promises.

alright. that's all i got.

i'm glad i made god is home, ultimately, and i'm glad it got some legitimate appreciation. if you're one of the people who likes it, thats rad. i'm sincerely incredibly appreciative of those of you who got something out of my work.

bye-bye. see you soon, hopefully.

#gih #long post #fair warning: this thing is fairly #stream of consciousness #i guess #rambly #but its honest #at least #bedroom #youre allowed to reblog this if you want by the way #idk if anyone would but like. you can. idc.

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sociieties · 2 years

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assorted 2 & 3 am thoughts by mars, csm editon. mostly about beam i think

its more so thats he’s extremely temperamental and very aggressive, especially when things dont go Beam’s Way, which is less so “i dont want to kill other devils” and more so “i didnt forget you guys have me working jere against my will bc i was TRICKED and TRAPPED into being here”so ofc hes gonna be too rough and rowdy for anyone in the agency to deal with (makima’s the exception. bc… you know…. but she doesnt want to deal with him herself, which is why it goes unchecked)

but he’s also still a fiend/devilman whos very much (and very importantly) born from the SHARK!!!! devil and as you know about sharks and blood, basically like moths to a flame. it doesnt help that he actually likes fighting and the violence of it all, he’d happily hunt someone down just for funsies but that devil hunter agency has a leash so tight around his neck that he knows better

me, dropping headcanons here bc i cant be assed to format them to post on dash yet

i personally think that beam is more shark devil than human brain of they body more specifically, that beam follows more of the shark devil’s logic and instincts while retaining some of the dude’s impulses, but very little of them like the shark devil overrode the mind of the body years and years ago and specks may remain here and there, but they’ve been together for so long that its almost impossible to discern where one begins and the other ends the entire thing about beam and his speech pattern is a direct result of the shark devil. its something that will happen to any fiend shark devil makes, inevitably giving them blender brain and chopping up a large part of their vocabulary

@razrbomb: PLSSSSdon't even gotta format. why you leaving all this gold in the privacy of thee dms aknfknfr i would lov to read more and see this elaborated more

djdjdjd dw it’ll go on dash after i figure out more its just that the synapse are firing slowly

shark devil is older than devils like angel…. older than war and famine and most of the devils chainsaw consumed….shark devil is literally age old and has been around since the first people learned what a shark is and that is… terrifying to think about

not like. beam specifically. but shark devil as a whole, reincarnation after reincarnation and the likesonly growing stronger and stronger as the days become more and more modern only growing stronger as people begin researching and documenting and the moment people started making shark based horror movies, thats was basically is

as scary as gun devil is … that one movie with that fucking 4 headed shark and the entire sharknado deal going around? sorry, my money’s on shark….

also to be completely 100??? i sorta don’t believe that beam is actually a fiend

partially bc i can’t see and don’t understand wtf would have happened to shark for shark to decide “ykw? i’ll take the L and just deal with the power loss just to live as a fiend rn” bc like be serious, who or what tried killing him and why? also what was on earth in the moment that was so serious for him to commit to staying instead of just taking the reincarnation and going?

clearly shark (beam, but i wholeheartedly believe it’s entirely shark) has the whole im ur biggest fan for chainsaw for reasons unknown but up until denji became a hybrid, im pretty sure its implied that most, if not everyone, didnt know where in the FUCK pochita was? not that i put blind loyalty beyond beam, but still

IF i have to take beam actually being a fiend and that much isnt a lie, then i 1000000000% know deep in my very being that shark killed that person himself. actively sought out *this one guy in particular* at the beach and went “yes, this one is gonna be perfect for me” completely premeditated. tragic corpse.

no clue when pochita died in hell and was reborn on earth, or if he was just blipped over to earth like some reverse summon sorta thing (press x to doubt) BUT angel said that all the other devils that were in other divisions said the last thing they rmr’d in hell was the sound of a chainsaw and now i’m wondering if pochita handpicked the latest batch of devils (and consequently, some of the fiends) that are on earth rn to help him achieve his goal and ofc to get them on earth, they have to die so off he killed, but not consumed, them

but if not, then pochita just be out here killing at random which as likely as that is, i also find it strange that all (most?) the devils in the agency specifically last remember hearing a chainsaw. like thats a weird thing to mention outside of like “yeah chainsaw devil… scary…”

stares at beam shark devil i know you know than you put on you were one of them…. i KNOW you specially was handpicked, but was it bc you were always a follower of chainsaw or did you become a follower as a result….slowly but surely i’m falling down the rabbit hole

#mars stars ! ooc #care u btw bc that spam was so unnecessary lmfao #no i'm not reading or editing this; it's raw and unedited straight from dms #actually the first part i need to post it alone bc it's a hc but not rn okay. not rn.

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sims4royalsandimperials · 1 year

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Pink Flamingo Night Club, Oasis Springs, New Nagara - 10:30am

(CW: Nudity, sexual themes) (MTW: Repeated Sexual Assault/Abuse and abusive language. If you find yourself uncomfortable seeing this, please do not keep reading and message me so I can tell you what happens in this post)

*It’s the end of Branson and Astrid’s shift, but before he takes her home, he wants a private show with her and a couple of his friends*

Branson: ... Look at me while you’re doing your pole routine, Tawny.

*Astrid ignores him and twirls around again*

Branson: Good job. Now take off your top. Astrid: B...but... Branson: Take off your top, Tawny!

Ten Minutes Later

*Astrid is crying in the bathroom while changing*

Astrid: “Take your top off, Tawny... Show me that ass, Tawny.” I fucking hate this. I fucking hate this so much. I miss my dad, I miss my mom. I miss Hubie, Desiree, and Kari. I want to go home. Why do I have to be this asshole’s sex doll? *Astrid is beginning to feel nauseous* Astrid: Oh, no.

*Astrid rushes to the toilet and begins to vomit* Astrid: Oh dear watcher, no. I think I’m... Branson: *knocking on the door* Come on, Tawny. We don’t have all day! Hurry up! *Astrid finishes getting dressed and leaves the bathroom*

Branson: Took your ditzy dumbass long enough. Come on. Let’s go.

The Bumpass Residence - 11:45am

*Branson has Astrid in handcuffs as he’s aggressively r-wording her* Astrid: Branson, please stop. I don’t feel so good. Branson: *grunting* You don’t feel good? You’re gonna feel a looooottttt better in a few minutes. Astrid: No, please... Branson: Shut the fuck up and take it, Tawny! Enjoy it like the little slut you are!

*Branson rips the cuffs off of an obviously unwell Astrid and drags her by her hair to the “camera room”, where he continues his assault*

Branson: *grunting* That’s good, Tawny. You’re getting the hang of this. Astrid: ... *Branson finishes with her but before he gets off her, he finally notices that Astrid is unwell* Branson: Ay, you’re green around the gills. What’s the matter with you?

*Astrid gets up off the bed and wraps a towel around her before becoming distraught* Astrid: Now you finally care? If you must fucking know, Branson, I was in the middle of throwing up when you knocked on my bathroom door and rushed me. Branson: And what does that have to do with anything, Tawny? Astrid: ... I... I missed my period a couple weeks ago. I’ve been getting sick every day this week.

Branson: Yeah, and... so what? Astrid: Are you fucking dumb or do you not know how to read a situation? Branson: Don’t get smart with me. I could strangle you here and now, Bitch.

Branson: Wait a minute. “Missed your period”? “Getting sick all week”?

Branson: Are you pregnant?

Branson: Answer me! Are. You. Pregnant?

Astrid: I think I might be! I don’t know! I’ve been so afraid to talk to anyone since I was brought to this... prison, that I kept my feelings to myself! *starts crying*

*A stunned Branson looks on as a distraught Astrid sinks to the ground in tears*

Branson: Look, I’ll get you a pregnancy test in the morning. I’m sorry. I didn’t know this situation would get you into this mental mess. Astrid, please stand up and look at me.

*Astrid, surprised that Branson called her by her actual name, stands up and turns to look at him* Astrid: Did you just call me by my name?

Branson: Yeah, I did. But don’t get used to it. Anyways... I... I have a son from a previous relationship. He was born after my ex dumped me and I was sent to rehab. I want to do right ny this child that I never did for my son. Astrid: Wha...? You have a kid? Branson: Yes, his name is James. Astrid: I seriously doubt that you’d do anything for this child... just like your son. Branson: What, do you wanna give birth down here in this cold damp place? Astrid: No... Branson: Then you’ll do as I say, got it? And no more back-sass. It gets on my nerves.

Astrid: Okay.

#tw r@pe #cw nudity #sims4royalsandimperials #sims 4 royal #sims 4 royalty #sims 4 royal simblr #sims 4 royal family #sims 4 royal stories #sims 4 monarchy #sims 4 royal legacy #ts4 royal #ts4 royalty #ts4 royal simblr #ts4 royal family #ts4 royal stories #ts4 monarchy #ts4 royal legacy #Sim: Branson Bumpass #Sim: Astrid Anderssen

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raineydaywrites · 5 months

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20 Questions for fic writers

Tagged by @barry-j-blupjeans (thank you!!!)

tagging @sgrumby and anyone who wants to play!!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

132

2. What's your total A03 word count?

568,150! half a million!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly TAZ Balance and Star Wars (Prequels/TCW era, mostly), but I've written a fair amount for Star Trek: Deep Space Nine in the past, and I'll sometimes write a fic here or there for other fandoms.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

They're all Star Wars fics, which makes sense but makes me kind of sad because I love my other fics too. But oh well:

still much that is fair.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, The Jedi Code, and Other Things That Anakin Has Misunderstood

Take Two

brothers don't let each other wander in the dark alone

growing season (absolutely BLEW MY MIND that this one is in my top five now. It's a one-shot kidfic for a pairing I don't write often?? I'm not used to those getting notes. But I guess it is the Codywan era for prequels fans so I can see where it's coming from.)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! But sometimes I don't have the spoons for it. But I love getting comments and want to show my appreciation!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually write super angsty endings! I don't like them. Or, well, actually I do enjoy them sometimes, but IDK, if I'm writing a whole-ass fic, I usually want to make the ending happy!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending

still much that is fair! which is wild because it has one of the angstiest premises I've ever written (suicide attempt that all loved ones believed to be successful, ends with characters giving each other hugs and 'love yous' and closure)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Rarely. Every once in a while. Sometimes people don't like me writing autistic headcanons or characters mentioning pronouns.

9. Do you write smut?

No. I'm not opposed to it in fic, but it doesn't interest me.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No, but I'll read them sometimes. I'm not opposed to writing them, but I've never really gotten an idea for one that inspires me.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! I did once have someone warn me that my fic was 're-posted' to ao3 back in the days when I was still posting on both ffnet and ao3 with different usernames.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, actually, though I forgot about it until asked! It's not one I ever posted. I co-wrote a Maximum Ride fic with a friend in middle school, lol. But I'd love to co-write again in the future! It's fun to talk about ideas with friends.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

All-time favorite ship is SO hard for me because I'm a multishipper and I flipflop fandoms a lot, so I kind of default to my first (and still beloved) ship: Janeway/Chakotay from Star Trek: Voyager. I'm also gonna answer for my two main fandoms atm: Star Wars is Obi-Wan/Satine and TAZ Balance is Barry Bluejeans/Lup/Lucretia, because I love a good polycule. Also Barry and Lup on their own are great but they remind me too much of my parents to really go wild over them.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Be My Brother's Keeper. A Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's daughter AU. I love that one and I had PLANS for it, but my Marvel days are so long gone.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at coming up with creative, unique ideas and making them work!! People often say that they didn't expect to like my fics from the premise but enjoyed them anyway. :3 I'm also good at character interactions and emotions

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Describing things, mainly visual things that are happening. They're just there, in the fanfic, not in a physical location to me. Also staying motivated to finish writing and avoiding derailing my own ideas with wanting to include EVERYTHING.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven't done it before but I'm not opposed!

19. fandom you wrote for?

Like, first fandom? Nancy Drew. I wrote a Nancy Drew fanfic when I was eight years old on looseleaf notebook paper, before I knew that anyone else wrote fanfic. In it, Nancy fell down a hole, broke her leg, everyone who loved her thought she was dead and they were all soso sad, but then they found her and it ended happily. My tastes have not evolved much since, but my writing ability has!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Changes often! Currently it is The Parent Trap(ped in an Umbrella) but I'm also quite fond of Still Much That Is Fair and one more last try, I'm gonna get the ending right.

#reblog game

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ma-lark-ey · 4 years

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Hi!! I've seen other people make posts about why they love TAZ,,and I figured I should add my two cents. I also just wanted to share this experience somewhere. (Spoilers for Balance and Amnesty!!)

For a bit of background; in December/early January, I got dropped by some of my closest friends. I'd already been doing bad mentally for the last few months, and that sent me into a complete spiral.

I was quarantined, couldn't see my friends, couldn't leave the house, couldn't make any attempt at things that used to make me happy. I was (quite frankly) at my lowest point. I'd heard rumors of the Adventure Zone for years, and even seen content of it on my socials.

In mid May, I said fuck it and listened to episode one. MBMBAM (as good as it is) wasn't my cup of tea in podcasts, I needed something with plot. I knew the McElroys were a genre of entertainment I could get behind, but I needed plot to get invested.

TAZ Episode 3 was when I really became hooked. Magnus latched onto my heart, and Griffin's voice brought me a comfort I'd long forgotten.

Its important to note at this point in my life, I hadn't picked up a pencil to write or draw in almost six months.

I was honestly inspired to watch after a cosplayer I really admire began to cosplay Lup! I loved the personality I saw in her videos and photos of Lup, and I wanted to know more about her.

I listened to Here There Be Gerblins, and it made me smile. I listened to RockPort Limited, and I remember cleaning up my dresser and folding clothes when I found out Jenkins was the killer. I listened to Petals to the Metal, and I remember standing in my living room laughing during the whole Trent scene. I listened to Crystal Kingdom, I remembered standing in my yard in shock when Mangus sliced Merle's arm. I listened to Eleventh Hour, I remembered sitting in my chair and crying during the flashback and throwing my stuffed animal in rage at the Taako flashbacks. I remembered listening the Lunar Interlude where Lup carved her name in the wall and screaming joy at the introduction of the character who inspired to check this amazing show out. I remember playing Minecraft while listening to the Stolen Century (I was building a Ravenloft in my world!)

My favorite memory from listening to it though, was the scene Lup finally entered. I'd been listening to this podcast nonstop since I started. I remember listening to that scene and just *crying,* i remember clutching at my heart when her death was described because I'd fallen absolutely in love with her during Stolen Century.

I remember listening to Magnus' death scene while sitting at my kitchen table. My mom asked me why I was crying. "MAGNUS GOT HIS DOG!" Was all I could compute, she had no idea what I meant.

After i finished Balance, I started drawing again. It was simple, at first. Just a headshot of Lup with my favorite quote from her. But it was a start! I picked up my materials for the first time in months.

Then I started Amnesty. In minutes I was absolutely smitten. It was like Aubrey personally grabbed my hand and told me I was gonna be better soon. I latched onto Aubrey just like I did Magnus (Travis has always been my personal favorite brother.) I remember feeling guilty for skipping the last half of Commitment, but given my religion trauma that I was still processing at the time, I knew I needed to just role right along into Amnesty for my own sake.

My fondest memory of Amnesty was sitting in the car during a road trip and scribbling down things on my sketchbook.

Another prominent one was when Ned revealed to Aubrey he was the burglar. I fell to my knees when he said the sentence, and no I'm not being dramatic. I was cleaning up my room, and i collapsed onto the floor and laid in a fetal during the whole scene, ugly crying. I love all of the Amnesty characters, its my personal favorite campaign, and Ned and Aubrey meant everything to me. That scene *destroyed* me. I also remembered crying on my road trip when Ned was killed. I'd never felt so much emotion from a piece of media before.

After that I actually digested all of Balance. And the one character who's stuck out to me is Taako. And I know he's a cliche character to latch onto. But, its not his personality or his appearance or whatever that makes me love him. It was his back story. When I found Balance, I was working throufh the betrayal and loss of my fourth set of friends. I'm the kind of person who takes in people I know are toxic in hopes of helping them. And Taako was the perfect mix of myself, and the people I found myself befriending.

His history with Sazed hit close to home, in the betrayal aspect. And his betrayal by Lucretia. I understood his heart felt in those moments, and I latched onto him. I thought, "You understand how I feel right now." And I've *never* drawn so much in my life.

In just three days I made two whole pages of sketches, in just the last three weeks I've done ten pages of my brand new sketchvook (averaging it to 4-5 full drawings a page). I hadn't picked up a pen in months, and now I couldn't Put one down.

There was one night a couple days ago where I just sat in bed, grinning and crying while I looked at all the art I had accomplished, the countless pieces of writing I'd presented to my friends proudly. I rejoined roleplay groups, which I had also dropped after my mental health dropped. I came out to my IRLs as nonbinary!

The characters the McElroys created have given me this... This inspiration I've never felt before. I've hyperfixated on things before (like Undertale! That was my biggest.) But, no piece of media has ever made me feel like a character reached out of my screen and grabbed onto me.

I remember Istus telling the Gang the iconic line of "You're going to be amazing" and to me, it felt like Taako and Magnus just reached out of my phone and gave me a bear hug. Hell, just a few days I translated that feeling into a sketch.

I just bought the graphic novels, and have orders merchandize. I've *never* gotten into something, and had merchandize for it three weeks later. I've never loved something so much I sent my friends literally novellas of just me recounting my favorite scenes to them.

The Adventure Zone has literally brought the most joy into my life I could ever ask for out of media, its helped me in so many ways.

These stupid little DnD campaigns mean the absolute world to me, and I could never be happier that I found them when I did.

So, if you've read this far, there's one last thing I wanna say; even if you feel like you're at literal rock bottom, like you could end it all tomorrow and no one would care. That not even your greatest passionate with bring you joy, youll find something or someone that will pull you out of that point so fast it makes your head spin. In the emphamis words of "Zeke Owens" (Griffin) "One day, youre gonna laugh at a joke. You'll go swimming, and you'll smile in the sunlight. You're gonna pet yourself a good dog and its gonna feel amazing."

#the adventure zone balance #the adventure zone graduation #the adventure zone #the adventure zone amnesty #taz balance #taz grad #taz graduation #I doubt anyone's actually gonna read this long ass post #but I hope it helps someone

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navybrat817 · 3 years

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Fun in the Lab

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: You convince Bucky to have some fun in Tony's lab. Word Count: Almost 800 Warnings: Explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, riding, dirty talk, possessive behavior, Bucky Barnes (we love him) A/N: Bucky was the second one requested, so here we go with drabble #2! Enjoy, lovelies!

Written on my phone and not beta read, so any and all mistakes are absolutely my own!

I do not consent to have my work posted on any third party site or app. If anyone sees my work anywhere but here or archiveofourown under my same username, it has been reposted without my permission. 18+ Please!!! By reading this, you agree that you are at least 18 years old. Enjoy, lovelies!

"You know. He may kill us if he finds us here."

"You? Maybe. But he likes me," you teased as you straddled Bucky, watching him lean back in the chair.

Tony Stark had a soft spot for you. Always had. He even supported your relationship with Bucky once the dust settled. And maybe you were taking a bit of advantage of that by being in the lab. But you couldn't resist playing around from time to time in places you knew you shouldn't.

Not that it took long to convince Bucky to have some fun. A few brushes against the front of his pants and a doe-eyed innocent look over your shoulder, he practically had you stripped before he took a seat and pulled himself out.

There was something hot about him still being in his jeans and Henley while you were undressed. He didn't even stretch or prep you. Part of you hoped it stung a bit. The burn was always a nice reminder that you could take a super soldier. Just like you were meant to.

His lips parted with a sigh as you began to take him in. But, for a second, a flicker of doubt filled his eyes. You paused, making sure he was okay. "Fuck. I'm serious. This is his chair. He might actually try to kill me."

Gripping his shoulders tightly when you knew you were in the clear, you leaned in to gently suck on his earlobe. "Then he shouldn't have given me access to this part of the lab."

Sinking onto Bucky's hard cock was always a thing of beauty, already making drowning in a sea of ecstasy. Every inch of him stretched and filled you until you couldn't think. You took a moment to stop and appreciate the feel of him, your walls quivering around his girth. The rational part of you told you had to be quick as you blinked through the growing haze of pleasure.

"Doll," he warned in a growl when he saw you smirk.

Any other protest died on his lips as you lifted your hips and slammed down. It filled you with pride that you could render the beautiful man speechless… That you could make those icy blue eyes fill with want that no one else could fulfil.

"What's wrong, Bucky? Cat got your tongue?" you asked sweetly as you rolled your hips. "Oh, wait. My pussy has your cock."

He swore in Russian as he snapped his hips, knocking the breath out of you with his rough thrust. The knot in your lower abdomen began to grow and tighten as he drove into you again, clenching hard around him as he took control. The coil inside you wasn't going to snap. It was going to explode.

"He has... cameras here," he snarled, watching your breasts bounce as a hand moved to your ass. "But you knew that," he added, the metal coming down with a loud "smack".

You shrieked as you threw your head back. "Of course. Wanna… watch it later."

"Dirty girl. Wanna see how gorgeous you are when you gush on my cock?"

"Yes!" you cried, your nails digging in as he helped you bounce.

"Fuck, I want you to stay nice and filled up," he grunted, bringing a hand to the back of your neck and squeezing. "But I'm going to watch you drip all over his chair when we're done. You're gonna leave a mess for him. And you're gonna tell him it's your fault because you were so desperate to have my cock in you."

You were so focused on the inferno burning inside you that you didn't reply. He, of course, managed to turn your little game against you. Another sharp swat to your backside made you moan. "Yes! Fuck. I'll tell him."

"Everyone thinks you're a good girl, but you know what?" he asked, not breaking the fast rhythm as he leaned up to suck on your earlobe. Just like you did to him. "You're my good girl. Say it."

"Yes. I'm yours," you swore, shamelessly chasing the orgasm you so badly needed.

He pressed kisses along your neck as he reached down, expertly rubbing your bundle of nerves.. "Then come, doll."

The husky tone made the dam break, gripping his hard length as it crashed over you. Your hips moved of their own accord, riding out your high as he painted your pulsing walls. You saw him smile as he slowly began to lift you, chuckling as you shook your head. He was ruining the afterglow.

"I said you're going to leave a mess for him. But don't worry. I'll fill you up once we get back to our room. Maybe we can even watch the playback while I do it."

#navybrat writes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #bucky barnes x female reader

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collecting-stories · 3 years

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Jolly Rancher - JJ Maybank

Request: Hey! Do you think you could do an imagine where the reader is Sarah’s twin and all the pogues are at a party or on the boat and her blood sugar drops really low (she has type one diabetes) and her pump keeps beeping. She is mid passing out, not feeling good and rafe has her Insulin so little bit of big brother rafe worried about his little sister and JJ and her not being together yet but he was super worried about her (like all of the pogues tbh). Thanks xxxx I really love your writing 🥺 every time you post something it makes my day

A/N: I did moderate research for this because the only person I actually know with diabetes is a cousin I don’t speak to.

Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

In hindsight, taking the Druthers out in the bay for a party after sunset wasn’t exactly the best idea you and Sarah had ever come up with. And yeah, technically, taking the boat out would have been totally fine and acceptable but none of you had considered bringing anything but alcohol with you. Six pogues (two honorary) on a yacht in the middle of the bay with just alcohol and weed. It was a bad combination in any version of the world but especially in this one, where you’d been pregaming white claw because you were finally, finally, gonna tell JJ how you felt about him.

The crush had been a saga ongoing since you had first discovered JJ Maybank, which coincided with discovering that boys, while terrible, were incredibly attractive. And sometimes...not too terrible. John B had started working for your family the summer before highschool and at the same time JJ started to pop up. Around the Druthers when John B was cleaning the boat, in a neighbor’s yard mowing the grass or cleaning the pool. And then at the Island Club. By then you’d started hanging out with Kiara and her friends and JJ wasn’t just some cute guy who was friends with John B.

“Honey,” Kiara laughed, reaching for the can of Naturdays in your hand, “I think you need to slow down.”

“I’m fine.” You promised, knee jerking rapidly as you gulped the rest of the drink down before Kiara could take it from you.

You weren’t a heavy drinker. The last time you’d gotten drunk was in ninth grade, at a house party on the cut with Kiara. You’d guzzled down one too many Pabst trying to act cool in front of JJ and had ended up in the hospital in diabetic shock. Once everyone was sure you weren’t going to die, your father had laid into you about how irresponsible you were and how you had acted like a child. It was embarrassing, mostly because you were still saddled to a hospital bed and your friends were standing in the hallway, well within ear shot of Ward.

After that, you stayed away from anything more than two drinks at a party and you always kept your insulin with you. Except, apparently, for tonight. You’d gotten yourself worked up over confessing your feelings to JJ and the possibility of rejection that you were well on the way to drunk. And your insulin was in your backpack, in Rafe’s truck.

“You’re not fine.” Kiara laughed, “you’re like, buzzing.”

“Buzzing,” you offered her a dopey smile as you leaned forward, whirling your pointer finger around as you made buzzing noises and tried to poke her.

“What the hell?” She swatted your hand away, “are you sure you’re okay?”

The commotion was enough to get Sarah’s attention and she turned away from John B to look over at the two of you. “You’re like vibrating babe,” Sarah said, “you’re really jittery.”

“Fine, I’m fine...I’m all good.” You promised, bracing your hand on Sarah’s shoulder as you went to stand up. You missed your footing, tripping over the air and hitting the deck before either Kiara or Sarah could catch you.

“Oh my god!” Kiara got down on her knees next to you and helped you sit up, leaning partially against her. She pushed your shirt up so that she could check your pump and noticed realized it had been going off. “Hey, do you have like...something to boost her blood sugar? I think it’s dropping really low, I can’t really read this?”

“It’s definitely low.” You replied, hands shaking as you checked your pump, “yeah...too much...too much alcohol.”

“Where’s your insulin?” Sarah asked, crouching down so she could try to meet your eyes, “hey, look at me, where’s your insulin?”

You hummed, a little too long before finally looking at Sarah, “uh, Rafe’s...shit, Rafe’s truck.”

“Are you kidding me? Fuck!” Sarah cursed, getting up to grab her phone so she could call him, “John B, can you take us back?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded, heading for the ladder.

“Here!” JJ pushed through Pope and Kiara, spilling the contents of his backpack onto the deck beside you. Amongst a change of clothes, some pilfered pens, his wallet, house keys, weed, a stick of deodorant, and a travel toothbrush, was a bag of jolly ranchers. He grabbed a green one out and unwrapped it, holding it out to you, “here, it’ll make you feel better.”

“You have a bag of jolly ranchers in your backpack?” Kiara asked incredulously.

“Of course,” JJ replied, “if her sugar drops she said one jolly rancher usually does the trick.”

It was a stupid thing to smile about, especially since you were currently using Kiara to hold yourself up and sucking on green apple jolly rancher, but you couldn’t help it. You had mentioned that ages ago, the first time you went out with the pogues after your drunken night turned ER visit, as you sat on the dock next to JJ. You had doubted he’d even cared and been embarrassed afterward for just rambling on about yourself but he remembered.

“You remembered,” you said as JJ sat beside you, letting you lean on his shoulder as the yacht headed back to the dock.

Sarah had gotten a hold of Rafe quicker than she expected. He was already talking when he answered the phone, telling her that he was on the way back from Topper’s. According to Rafe he turned his truck immediately, that was what he told you later, when you were feeling more like yourself again. That he’d realized your backpack was still sitting on the passenger seat and he did a u-turn right there in the middle of the street. You weren’t sure that was totally true, your older brother’s pension for dramatics and your family’s obsession with treating you like a baby.

Usually, it felt stifling but right now you were feeling pretty shitty about yourself. The jolly rancher did exactly what it was supposed to, boosting your blood sugar enough that you were beginning to feel better.

“What were thinking?” Rafe called the minute he boarded the Druthers, “you know alcohol makes your blood sugar drop!”

“I know, I know!” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. You’d moved from the floor to the couch, JJ leaving your side the minute your brother ran up the jetty. “I’m not a kid Rafe,” you muttered, grabbing your backpack from him.

“Really? Cause you left your bag in my truck and you’re out here drinking your ass off.” He snapped.

“She’s okay,” Sarah urged.

“What if she wasn’t?”

“I am! And I’m right here!” You huffed, “Rafe, thank you and I know you were worried but I’m okay.”

Rafe sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I’m not trying to be dad here...but you can’t take risks like that, you know better.”

“I’m fine!” You slung your backpack over your shoulder and pushed passed Rafe, climbing down the ladder to the jetty. You’d apologize later, for now you were irritable and embarrassed and you just wanted to be back in your room, locked in where no one could see you and remind you how horrible this entire night was. The only decent thing that had happened was JJ but the more you let yourself psychoanalyze everything that happened the more you were positive that the pogues just saw you as a kid too. Like you couldn’t take care of yourself. Like you hadn’t been for the last ten years, since you were diagnosed.

The Druthers said docked but you couldn’t tell from your bedroom window if everyone had gone home or if they were still hanging out and partying. You thought about texting Sarah but she would just tell you to come back down to the dock and stop pouting in your bedroom. You did your usual checks, to make sure your blood sugar had gone back up, and changed into comfier clothes. Even scrubbing off your makeup...you’d let this shitty feeling die before you saw anyone again.

Or at least, that was the plan. As you were sitting in bed though, a knock at your window startled you. Not just a tap but a full-on knock. You climbed out of bed and went to the window, laughing when you saw JJ standing on the small balcony off your room.

“What are you doing here?” You mouthed, reaching for the lock so you could open the window.

He pointed to his ear and then shrugged his shoulders, “I can’t hear you.”

You rolled your eyes as you pushed the window open and sat on the sill, “What are you doing here JJ?” You were trying your best to calm your racing heart, the last thing you needed was to go into cardiac arrest in front of him too.

“You left the party.”

“Not exactly in a partying mood...I was being stupid tonight.”

He sat down on the windowsill beside you, facing out toward the backyard but turning to look at you, “hey, I’m stupid every night.”

“You know what I mean,” you laughed, “I’m so careful...I haven’t had a night that bad in a long time.”

“Why weren’t you? Careful, tonight, I mean.” He asked.

“It’s stupid.” You put your hands on your knees and looked away from him. You’d hyped yourself up to crashing lows and now he wanted you to tell him why? “You should go back to the party.”

“Not really in the mood...can you believe it?” He laughed like it was nothing but you could hear the heaviness in his voice.

“Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault...I just meant. If you’re up here, I don’t really feel like hanging out down there.”

You bit down on your bottom lip and looked over at him, feeling just the slightest catch in your throat. For a second you thought this night was going to get even worse and you’d throw up...but instead you just started talking, words falling out with no control, “I pregamed with Sarah before we even got on the Druthers cause I told her I was gonna tell you tonight that I liked you but I was so nervous that you would tell me you didn’t wanna date me so I just kept drinking...” you said. You realized a moment later what the implication was, “not that its on you that my sugars dropped...or like, not that you have to say you like me just cause I almost passed out.”

“What if I do like you though?”

“You do?” You asked, shifting more toward him, “seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously...why do you think I came all the way up here? Or carry around jolly ranchers? I like you...I’d do anything for you.” He replied.

You couldn’t stop the smile on your face as you leaned closer to him, “oh well, now it’s definitely your fault.”

He laughed, “let me make it up to you.”

You nodded, standing up and climbing back through the window before holding your hand out for him. JJ was quick to his feet, taking your hand and pushing the window closed as he followed you further into your room.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank fic #jj maybank x you #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #outer banks imagine #outer banks fanfic #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks fic #obx fic #obx imagine #obx fanfiction #obx fanfic #collecting stories imagine

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mercy-burning · 3 years

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Petite Etoile

Pairing: Spencer Reid x femReader Summary: BAU!Reader used to be a stripper, and when people where she used to work are being murdered, the team is called in to investigate. Category: Fluff, Smut 18+ (oral sex- male and female receiving, penetrative sex, Reader also does a stripping performance) Warnings: Sex, language, mentions of murder/violence and all the things you’d normally find in an episode of Criminal Minds. (As always, if there’s anything I missed, let me know what I should include in warnings! I want to be as mindful as I can about what I post. Thank you!) Word Count: 7.8k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This is going up way later than I said it would, so I’m sorry if you were looking forward to this, I just haven’t been motivated lately. But I really have to get out of my writing slump, and I’m hoping I can do that soon. Anyway, I hope you like it! Thanks for reading 🥰 Also, I know that Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift doesn’t exist at the time of early season 2, which is when I imagine this taking place, but for the sake of the story let’s pretend it does, because that’s the song I had in mind when I wrote the performance scene 😉😂

***

When Y/N walked into work Thursday morning, everything was as normal as it could be. She chatted with Elle on her way up the elevator, handed JJ her coffee as she made her way to Hotch's office, and ruffled Reid's hair when she passed him, smiling at the way he blushed at her affectionate gesture.

But when the team was called into the round-table room, and she watched as JJ presented their next case, Y/N felt a little sick to her stomach.

Over the past week, three strippers from the town she'd lived in for years before moving to Virginia had been found stabbed in various parts of the block surrounding Starsight. She knew the place well. Not only did she used to work there as a stripper after she graduated, but her best friend, Irene, owned the establishment, and she'd practically become the sister Y/N never had. She helped her through college and pushed her to go into the Bureau. If people, Irene's people, were dying, why hadn't she called or said anything?

Thankfully Y/N didn't recognize any of the dancers who'd been killed, because if she had, she'd feel a lot worse. But even still, she wanted to find who was behind it, and she would. The BAU always did. And with her background knowledge of the scene and the town, Y/N figured she might be able to lend an extra helping hand.

But first she had to tell the team about her past.

It wasn't a secret that she used to be a stripper. In fact, it wasn't really something she was able to hide. With someone as curious as Penelope Garcia in her life, Y/N wouldn't have been able to hide it even if she wanted to. Thankfully though, besides the occasional teasing comment from Morgan, and sometimes Elle, the team didn't treat her any differently. She wasn't Y/N The Former Stripper, she was just Y/N. She was good at her job, and everyone respected and liked her just the way she was.

While debriefing on the jet, she was about to bring it up when Morgan did it first, seemingly sly like he'd discovered some big secret. "Hey, Y/N, didn't you used to live near this place?"

She nodded, clearing her throat. "Uh, yeah, that's actually what I was going to bring up. Starsight is where I used to work before I moved here. I know the owner of the place, she's one of my best friends."

She could tell Morgan wanted to tease her some more about her previous work, but before he could get a word in Gideon spoke from behind her. "Irene Whitcomb?"

"Yeah."

"Good, when we land I want you, Morgan, and Reid to go talk to her. See if you can find anything out."

Y/N nodded, and in front of her, she noticed Reid was a little flushed. It didn't surprise her considering when everyone found out her previous job, he almost choked on his coffee, and Morgan laughed hysterically while he had a coughing fit. It was obvious to Y/N from the beginning that Spencer had had a little crush on her, and it didn't bother her at all. Every once in a while she'd pat his knee before she got up from her seat next to him or wink at him as they saw each other briefly in passing, just to see how he'd react, and by now it was a staple of their relationship. It never did go any further than that though, Y/N afraid she might make him too uncomfortable.

But even still, she couldn't help but give him a flirty smile as he blinked rapidly in front of her, still seeming to process what was going to happen when they landed. When he excused himself to go to the bathroom, she gave him one more wink and a small bite of her lip as he passed.

Morgan laughed softly beside her. "You're gonna ruin the poor kid if you keep that up, girlie."

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," she responded, even though the smile on her face suggested otherwise.

***

A strip club being almost at full capacity in the middle of the day was more common than one might think. It had surprised Y/N when she first started working at Starsight, and even now she still didn't really understand why. Regardless it was almost 3pm, and if things had stayed the same over the years, which by the looks of things seemed to be the case, Irene should have been behind the bar.

It must have been a sight to behold, Y/N mused as she and her colleagues navigated through the club in search of its owner, and it sounded like the beginning to a bad joke— a former stripper turned FBI agent, a guy who looks like he just walked straight out of a procedural cop show, and an adorably and obviously nervous skinny kid with glasses and trembling hands walk into a strip club at 3pm... The thought made Y/N laugh to herself, right before Irene spotted her.

"Y/N!"

It was obvious that she wanted to jump over the bar and give her old friend a hug, but given the circumstances, Irene settled for dropping a shot glass, spilling the drink on the counter, and clapping her hands quickly a few times in succession. A wide smile and kind eyes greeted the three agents as they approached.

"Irene, hi," Y/N greeted with a large smile of her own. "I wish I could have came to visit under better circumstances."

"Right, me too..." The blonde woman's smile faded for a second, just long enough that the recognizable signs of grief came and go quickly before replacing themselves with bittersweet niceties. "Anyway, you wanna introduce me to your friends?"

"Yeah, Irene, these are my colleagues, Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid."

Irene reached out to shake their hands, eyeing up Morgan with only the slightest bit of shame, and laughing softly at Reid's polite avoidance of the gesture as he settled on a wave and a shy smile.

"We were hoping to ask you a few questions about the past week," Morgan said.

"Yeah, anything. Just give me a minute to clean this up and we can sit down."

***

"So, you used to work here?"

Y/N laughed, kicking Derek under the table. "Yep. Looks exactly the same as when I left, too. Only difference is that I'm not here to bring everyone in on Friday nights."

As Derek laughed, Spencer tensed up beside Y/N, and he started to play with his hands under the table they all sat at.

"She's not joking," Irene said as she approached the table with a smile. She took the seat next to Morgan and gave him a wink. "Petite Etoile over here was the main attraction."

Y/N groaned a little. "Oh, c'mon Irene, don't use my nickname here, that's not who I am anymore."

"Don't tell me you've lost your shine, Little Star." From the tone in her voice to the look on her face, it was clear to Y/N that Irene was just as devious as she'd been since the day they first met. "You know it would just break this town's heart."

"I highly doubt that... Besides, this little star shines just as brightly as it used to, thank you very much."

At that statement, Y/N felt Reid's knee hit the table with a loud thud. As Morgan questioned whether he was okay, she wondered what was running through his head. It didn't last long though, because shortly afterwards Morgan started asking questions about the case.

"Was it particularly crowded on the nights the dancers were killed?"

Irene hugged her arms to her stomach, her eyes drooping a little at the mention. "It gets pretty crowded every night to tell you the truth. But Friday nights are busiest. The nights Carrie, Lola, and Evelyn disappeared were just like any other night here."

"I know how hard it is to keep track of everyone, but is there anyone you might have noticed that seemed a little too lurk-y?" Even as she asked the question, Y/N felt like she already knew the answer.

And Irene really did seem to try to recall something, anything that could help, but she was visibly frustrated, tears welling in her eyes. "No, Y/N, I'm so sorry. After Carrie... the first time... we heightened security and everything, but it just wasn't enough, I... I don't know what to do."

Y/N reached across the table to grab her friend's hand. "It's okay, 'Rene. We're gonna figure this out, alright? I promise you."

Through tears, the blonde smiled and squeezed Y/N's hand. "I know you will, Little Star."

"Would it be possible for us to look at your surveillance tapes?" Reid asked quietly.

Irene looked up at him and nodded, still squeezing Y/N's hand. "Anything you need."

***

"So... Little Star, huh?"

Y/N rolled her eyes with a smile as she, Morgan, and Reid got into the car. When she got in the passenger seat, she waited for Morgan to be in the car before responding. "Oh, don't start. I swear to God, Derek, if you start calling me that I might just have to kick your ass."

"Well, you gotta at least tell me how you got the name?" he laughed, putting on his seatbelt while Reid climbed in the back.

"Well, how do you think? The place is called Starsight after all... So, Petite Etoile just made sense."

It was obvious that she was lying to get him to drop it, so Morgan kept pushing. "Okay, sure, but that's not the whole truth. Carrie, Lola, and Evelyn didn't have star names."

"Ugh, okay, fine, if I tell you will you shut up about it?"

"Promise."

Y/N caught a glimpse of Reid in the back through the rearview mirror. As expected, he was fidgety and just a little red.

She sighed and waited until Morgan pulled out of the parking lot to talk. "Okay. Once every month Starsight does a 'Midnight Sky' theme night. They light the place up in deep blue lights and everyone wears... space-themed outfits. Every dancer does their own special routine with songs and outfits that they pick on their own. My first time working a theme night, everyone seemed to really like what I did; I ended up doing an encore later in the night before we closed. Another dancer who worked with us at the time, Jenny, was learning French, so after my performance she called me Petite Etoile, and it just stuck."

"Okay, but why did you get the nickname and no one else?" Morgan asked with a smug smile. He knew she was still holding something back.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, Y/N, I really want to know."

She sighed. "Let's... just say my outfit was... well, it barely covered me, and what it did manage to cover was covered by fabric in the shape of stars."

While Morgan laughed, Y/N looked in the mirror to see Reid with his head low, even more red than he was before. He was biting his bottom lip and fiddling the the seatbelt strap, and when his eyes briefly met hers in the mirror he was quick to avoid eye contact once again. If Y/N didn't find it completely adorable she would have felt more badly about it. But just to make sure, she called out to him.

"Reid, you okay back there?"

He looked up to meet her eyes again through the mirror, but only briefly before trying to ook anywhere else. "O-oh, yeah, I'm... I'm good."

Morgan laughed. "Yeah, I bet you are."

Y/N punched him in the arm and met Reid's eyes once more. "Sorry."

"Oh, you don't have anything to be sorry about, it's... it's okay, really, I-I'm not... it's..."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Y/N said calmly, giving him a reassuring smile. "We're all good here, right?"

"Right," Morgan and Reid said one after the other.

"Good. Now let's catch this creep."

***

Unfortunately no one had gotten much of anywhere in the next few hours. The security footage showed a man following each of the girls out of Starsight but there wasn't anything distinctive about him. Somehow he'd avoided all the cameras face to face, so he knew where they all were. And as for how he chose which dancers to target they weren't sure.

Until Irene walked into the station, that is.

"Y/N, I completely forgot something! I can't believe I missed it."

She stood before the team in the office that the station had given them for the time being, everyone else sitting down. Y/N stood up and nodded. "What is it?"

"Carrie, Lola, and Evelyn were all Spotlight Performers."

"What does that mean?" Elle asked from behind them.

Y/N turned to the group, her arms crossed. "Every other night Starsight spotlights a different dancer for a large performance at the end of the night, sort of like a grand finale before the club closes."

"So you're saying each of the girls was the Spotlight Performer on the nights they went missing?" Hotch asked, more like a clarification than a question.

"Yeah, Carrie on Saturday, Lola on Monday, and Evelyn on Wednesday," Irene said frantically.

Y/N reached out to grab her hand. "Well, it's Thursday. So, if he sticks to pattern, he's going after tomorrow's Spotlight Performer. Who do you have lined up?"

"Well, no one yet. After the murders the girls have been hesitant to schedule, and I don't blame them... So what should I do?"

Before Y/N could answer, Hotch did. "Y/L/N, you haven't gone undercover before, but I think it would be a good idea. You used to work at Starsight, you could lure him out."

She turned around sharply. "Oh, I... I don't know, Hotch, I haven't danced in so long, I'm not sure I—"

"He's right," Gideon interrupted. "It's the best chance we have at catching him."

Between Hotch and Gideon's opinions on the matter, Y/N knew she didn't have a say anymore.

"You still know your routine, Petite Etoile?" Irene asked, only slightly amused.

"Petite Etoile?" Elle wondered aloud.

Y/N heard Morgan laugh and she sighed.

***

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were nervous," Irene said as she straightened another piece of Y/N's hair.

She played with the hem of the sheer robe she was wearing. "Well, I'm about to go undercover for the first time, stripping for the first time in years in front of all my colleagues so I can lure out a serial killer, so I guess you could say I'm a little nervous."

"Well... When you put it like that..."

Y/N looked up at her friend. "I'm sorry, Irene. Really, I'm okay, and we will get him, I promise."

"No, I know you will. I'm not worried. So... Who do they have watching you tonight?"

"Gideon and Hotch are outside, but Elle, Morgan, and Reid are in here with me. There are some extra officers all around the block, too, just in case."

"Hmm," Irene mused, and Y/N could tell she wanted to say something.

"What?"

"I don't know, it just surprises me they'd send Reid in here of all people. He seems almost more nervous than you."

Y/N laughed. "Well, when it comes to girls he gets a little nervous, but... he's good at his job."

"I'll take your word for it. But I also wouldn't be surprised if he short circuits when he sees you up there."

The thought made her smile a little, though she wondered how badly Morgan would tease him about the whole situation. Things between them all would no doubt be a little awkward for a while, but in no time they'd go back to normal like it never happened. At least that's what she told herself, because she wasn't sure what she'd do if her friendship with Reid was permanently damaged and awkward because of her past. The thought worried her just a little, but before she could get too psyched out, a knock at the door brought her back to reality.

"Y/N, it's Elle."

"Come on in!"

Y/N got up from the chair and turned around to meet Elle in the doorway. Her eyes wandered for a moment before nodding with a smirk. "Damn. Petite Etoile indeed."

Despite the nerves, Y/N smiled. "You here to give me an earpiece?"

Elle nodded and closed the door behind her. As she turned on the device and handed it to Y/N, she spoke. "You nervous?"

"A little, but it's just because I haven't done this in a while. Not to mention I'm doing it in front of everyone, and I'm luring out the unsub."

"No pressure, right?"

Y/N laughed, adjusting the earpiece and taking a deep breath. "It'll be fine. How long until I go on?"

"Five minutes. I'll be near the front with Reid. Morgan is in the back with a few officers, and everyone else is outside. We all have communication with you, so if we see him we'll let you know what to look out for."

"Got it."

"Y/L/N, can you hear me?" It was Hotch's voice through the earpiece.

"Yeah, loud and clear."

"Good. We're all in position. Whenever you're ready."

***

Elle met him near the front of the stage. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. Spencer didn't have a problem with strip clubs in the least, but it was bad enough that he'd thought about Y/N on multiple occasions in his dreams, now he was going to have to see her stripping just like he'd imagined many times over. The whole situation spelled out disaster, and if she didn't already know he had a crush on her, she most certainly would when the night was over.

As Elle approached him, he took a deep breath and stretched out his hands to calm his nerves. "She okay?"

Elle nodded. "Ready to go. I'm gonna stand on the other side of the stage, keep a look out for anyone who seems like he could be our guy."

"Right."

Before she left, Elle patted him on the shoulder and smiled knowingly. "Oh, and Reid... Try not to get distracted."

Yeah. He was fucked.

When the music that was playing stopped and the lights started to shift, Spencer took another deep breath. Irene's familiar voice came through the speakers.

"Thank you for coming to Starsight. Tonight's Spotlight Performer is a special one. Returning to the stage for the first time in years, shining brighter and better than ever before, give it up for our very own little star, Petite Etoile!"

A deep, seductive song that Spencer didn't recognize replaced Irene's voice as the lights shifted again, and the crowd around him applauded. It was just as crowded as it had been when he, Morgan, and Y/N met Irene the day before, but with a serial killer no doubt present and Y/N about to come on stage, everything felt heavier.

A dark silhouette broke through fog on the stage, and even though Spencer knew it was Y/N, it didn't feel real. He'd only ever seen her at work, in work clothes, and sometimes in casual clothes when they all went out for drinks on occasion.

So when she finally came into view, her hair tumbling down her back and shoulders rather than in a ponytail, and wearing almost nothing at all, he wasn't even sure it was her for a split second. But the way she looked, her magnetic presence and the way she carried herself across the stage was so remarkably her it was hard to miss. Everything about her confidence was elevated in that moment, and his own confidence—in his job and ability to function as a human being—was completely shattered when she caught his eye. It was just a split second, but that was all it took.

She must have noticed, because she gave him a small smile and a wink before turning her attention to the rest of the crowd as the music built. Spencer cleared his throat softly before glancing around, trying his best to scan everyone for anything suspicious. When he was sure there was nothing around him to be concerned about, he reluctantly let his eyes wander back to the stage.

By now Y/N had rid herself of the sheer robe that was on her, leaving her in a deep blue one-piece... contraption was the only word he could come up with. It was all connected by thin straps of fabric that weaved around every curve of her body, crisscrossing and leaving little to the imagination. Just like she'd described back in the car yesterday, small patches of fabric shaped like stars covered the front of her breasts and...

The second he looked down, she squatted, spreading her legs open and rolling her hips, exposing almost the entire front three rows of people to her barely-clothed pussy.

Spencer felt his cheeks grow warm as he quickly averted his gaze and pretended to survey the crowd again. To his credit, he did really search for anyone who could be the unsub, but the whole time he heard the song and the cheering crowd, and in turn Y/N occupied almost every corner of his brain.

When he finally had the courage to look at the stage again, she was making her way to a chair in the middle. Every step was on beat to the music and purposeful. She danced around the chair for a bit before another big beat drop in the song happened, and she squatted in front of it quickly, rolling her hips as she slowly got up.

Her eyes found his once more as she mouthed along to the words of the song, almost like she was singing directly to him. He wouldn't have thought anything of it, but she held his gaze for much longer than he'd been able to handle, and she knew exactly what she was doing. Which was made evident when she bit her bottom lip and ran her hands down her body, stopping at her knees before she sat in the chair and spread her legs, her hands finally dragging along the insides of her thigh.

Her eyes remained on him the entire time.

Butterflies immediately erupted in his stomach at her intensity, stronger than they'd ever been before. He'd always felt it when she affectionately ruffled his hair or patted his knee in passing, but now? She wasn't even touching him and he was about to crumble to the ground.

Thankfully something in his ear saved him from that. "I've got a visual." It was Morgan. "He's in the back, black long sleeve and jeans. Buzzcut. Y/N, look up at me and blink three times when you see him."

Reid looked up and and noticed her doing it. To anyone else it wouldn't have seemed out of pace, but he could tell she was a little rattled. In any case, she broke contact with Morgan and continued on with her performance as if nothing happened.

Though it meant there was most definitely a serial killer in the room and he would follow Y/N out of the club later, Spencer was glad for the past minute, because he wasn't sure how much more of the performance he could take. Suddenly there was a job to focus on again, and he was thankful for that.

***

"You're sure you're okay?"

Y/N laughed as she approached her motel room, phone in hand. "Yeah, Irene, I'm okay. Promise. He got a hold on me but my team was there to stop him before he did anything. No nicks or bruises or anything."

"Okay... You were great out there by the way. If you weren't such a kick-ass FBI agent now, I'd ask you to come back."

Laughing, she turned her head and noticed Reid at the end of the hall, walking to his room. He caught her eye and gave a shy smile before disappearing behind the door and closing himself off from her. She contemplated a moment before starting her journey to his room. "Well, I'm glad we could help. Maybe if I find myself in town again, I'll stop by."

"Yeah, you better. Though I'd prefer if a serial killer wasn't involved."

"You and me both. I'll come see you before we leave tomorrow morning, yeah?"

"Yeah. Goodnight, Petite Etoile."

With an affectionate roll of her eyes, Y/N nodded though her friend wouldn't be able to see. "Night."

She hung up and put the phone in her bag, taking a deep breath before knocking on Reid's door.

The answer was almost immediate. He stood before her, and it looked like he'd just gotten undressed, wearing grey pajama bottoms and a white tee shirt. "Oh, Y/N, h-hi," he stammered, pushing his glasses up his nose a little. "What's up?"

"Do you... mind if I come in? I know it might sound a little weird but I don't really want to be alone right now..." It was true. Though she was okay after catching the unsub, the idea of being alone after everything that happened was sure to leave a small ache that wouldn't let her sleep, and having company would make a good cure.

"Oh, no, that isn't weird at all. Uh, sure, come on in." He stepped aside and opened the door wider to let her through. She smiled gratefully as she passed him, careful to notice the faint color that adorned his cheeks.

When he closed the door behind them, she set her bag down on the floor and turned to meet him, playing with the sleeve of the FBI jacket she was wearing. Before leaving Starsight, she'd changed into underwear, leggings, and a thin tee shirt. She debated taking the jacket off, but knowing how much of her body her colleague and friend had no doubt seen that night, she figured for his sake she'd leave it on. At least for now.

"I know it's late and we should probably get to bed, but... Truthfully I don't know how well I'll be able to sleep."

Spencer seemed concerned. "You're... you're okay? He didn't hurt you badly, did he?"

"Oh! No, he didn't, I'm just... rattled, that's all. I'll be okay, really. It's just that I haven't... performed in a long time, and all of that added on to being serial killer bait was just... eventful. That's all."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, you were great."

Y/N raised an eyebrow, a small smirk playing at her lips. "Oh?"

"Oh, I mean at handling the unsub. Not that you weren't great at the other thing, of course! I just... I just meant that... I didn't mean... Um..."

"Hey, it's okay, I'm... I'm not mad or anything, I'm... flattered."

The redness on Spencer's face became more vivid under the dim glow of the room. "I- Really?"

Y/N smiled and took a step closer. "Mhmm. Y'know... Truthfully it was really hard for me not to look at you the whole time. Out of everyone in that whole room, I wanted to see only you."

His gaze wandered up and down her body briefly before meeting her eyes. "You did?"

"Mhmm," she said again. Her hand reached out to graze his bare arm, and he shivered under her light touch. "You can stop me if this is too weird, but... I really like you, Spence... Like, a lot. And, I think it's pretty obvious that you like me, too. Am I wrong?"

He swallowed. "Um... No. You're not wrong."

She was only inches away from him now, her hands gently caressing his shoulders and chest. She looked up at him through her eyelashes and smiled. "Do you want to kiss me as badly as I want to kiss you right now?"

"Um... T-truthfully I think I might want... to kiss you more..."

Y/N laughed and balled his shirt in one hand, the other snaking up to the back of his head and running through his hair. "Okay, then... You gonna prove it, or what?"

He bit his lip softly before leaning down and capturing her lips in a kiss that made her dizzy. Her hands tightened their grip on him, and the second her lips parted, he wasted no time gently swiping his tongue across her bottom lip, his confidence growing with every second. She groaned into him, pulling her body flush against his and forcing him to wrap his arms around her waist to keep steady.

They pulled away for air eventually, and by the gleam in his eyes when she looked at him, she knew exactly what she had to do.

"No one is rooming with you, right?"

"N-no. It's just me."

"Good." She whispered it seductively as she removed her hands from him and slowly unzipped her jacket, keeping eye contact with Spencer the whole time. Except, of course, when his eyes glanced down to see the progress the zipper was making. Once she slid it off her shoulders and let it drop to the floor, he took her in, his tongue dancing behind his lips.

She let him have a few more seconds before taking a step forward and kissing him again, both of her hands cradling his face and bringing her thumbs to gently rub his cheeks. He melted into her completely, wrapping his arms around her again in no time. While their kisses were slow and passionate for a minute, eventually they grew hungrier, and Y/N hadn't even realized they'd been moving until they were toppling onto the bed, Spencer falling back and her landing on top of him.

They broke apart only for a moment to adjust themselves, but went right back to each other once Y/N straddled his legs and he leaned back on his hands to keep himself upright.

Her hands played in his hair as she kissed him, each brush of her tongue against his sending him into a downward spiral. He'd only ever dreamed of this, and even then, this was better than any dream. Y/N herself was better than any dream.

She ground her hips against him, causing him to groan into her mouth, and he pushed himself forward to be closer, needing to be completely wrapped up in her for as long as he could. When she pulled her mouth from his and settled her hands on his shoulders to keep him from moving, he whined a little, the sound completely taking the both of them aback.

She smiled and cocked her head to the side. "I've thought about this for so long... You have no idea how many times I've wanted to kiss you since we met."

"Really?"

With a nod, Y/N toyed with the collar of his shirt, tugging it and slowly grinding her hips against him again. "Have you ever thought about it?"

It was a question they both obviously knew the answer to, but she wanted to have some fun. She loved seeing how shy he got, it made her want him even more.

"Yes... I... I think about you a lot," he breathed, blinking at her as she slid her hands down his chest and found the bottom of his shirt. She smiled and raised it up, her touch sending shivers all over his body.

"What have you thought about? Any specifics?" she asked once his shirt was all the way off. Her fingers found their way to his neck again as she pulled herself closer.

"Oh, I... Um... I-I've thought about... kissing you on the jet in front of everyone."

Y/N smiled and pushed his glasses up his nose, then traced her finger down over his lips and hooked it under his chin to tilt his head up, exposing his neck. "I've thought about that, too... You know what else?"

Spencer blinked at her, urging her to continue.

She leaned forward and kissed the underside of his jaw, then his neck, leaving small kisses in between every soft word. "I've thought about how good your hands would feel on me." Her hand grabbed one of his and brought it to rest on her side, slipping under her shirt. "Have you ever thought about touching me?"

"Yes," he breathed as she moved her mouth back up his jaw and to the corner of his mouth.

She brought her lips just inches from his, and he could feel them just barely as she spoke. "Do it. Please."

And then she let go of him, bringing both her hands to his face as she kissed him again. Her legs wrapped around him tighter as he used both of his hands to grip her sides. As soon as they knew they were stable enough not to fall backwards, Spencer slid his hands slowly up her torso and barely ghosted over her breasts. She could tell he was a little hesitant, so she pushed further into him, practically trapping his hands in between their chests. Her kisses grew deeper and more desperate as he palmed her breasts, letting a moan or two slip out to encourage him further.

Thankfully it worked, because with every passing second he got more confident with his touches. When Y/N moved her hips against his again, he sighed into her mouth and brought one of his hands out from under her shirt and to her head, running his fingers through her hair.

At this point he was noticeably hard beneath her, and she was desperate to feel more of him. So Y/N peeled herself away from Spencer and snuck her hand down to play with the waistband of his pants. "You wouldn't happen to have a condom on you, would you?"

"Oh, uh, a-actually Morgan gave me one as a joke last week. It's, uh, in my wallet. In my bag."

Y/N laughed. "Sounds like him. Why don't you go grab it."

He nodded as she got up off of him. While he walked over to his bag, Y/N quickly removed her shirt and leggings, leaving her only in a pair of thin black panties that were almost too small. Before he turned around, she sat back on the edge of the bed and spread her legs wide, leaning back on her elbows as she waited.

If she didn't know any better she would have thought that when he turned around, his eyes were going to fall out of his head. He took small steps towards the bed, and she made the 'come here' motion with her finger. "Take your pants off for me?"

He all but scrambled to get them off, and Y/N smiled affectionately at him as she watched, hoping to calm his nerves by letting him know that he had nothing to be nervous about.

But just to be sure, she told him as much anyway. "You've got nothing to worry about, Spence. Trust me, I... I want this."

Once his pants were off, he met her at the edge of the bed, standing in between her legs. "I do too, I just... It's just that I've only ever... done this before once, and... I'm not very experienced, and I don't want to disappoint you."

Y/N sat up and grabbed his hips, leaning forward to press small, soft kisses to his stomach as she looked up at him. "You could never disappoint me. Promise."

Once she was sure he was a little more relaxed, she moved her kisses lower, until they reached the waistband of his underwear. She hooked her fingers under it and slid them down slowly, keeping eye contact with him until they dropped to the floor. Only then did she look down at his dick, and it was even better than she imagined.

Giving a satisfied hum, she pressed a soft kiss to the tip and fluttered her eyes up to meet his, the look on his face completely awe-struck. She took the tip of his dick in between her lips and sucked gently, swirling her tongue around it as she watched his mouth fall open, a sigh escaping. She could tell he was holding back a little, so she traced her finger along the length of him and kept sucking lightly at the tip, hoping to get some noise out of him.

Y/N took him in her mouth completely, bobbing her head up and down just a few times to get him wet before removing her lips with a pop. When she gripped him firmly with one hand and steadily began to stroke him, he finally gave her what she hoped for.

"Y/N," he groaned, just above a whisper. His eyes were closed, but he opened them when she stopped.

"You wanna put it on or should I?" she asked.

"Spencer turned the small packet over in his hand before nodding. "I can do it."

Y/N scooted farther onto the bed and slid off her panties as he got to work, and thankfully he wasn't as nervous anymore. He moved to take off his glasses, but she stopped him. "Keep them on?"

The devious grin on her face made him blush, and he nodded, crawling over the top of her and pressing tentative kisses to her stomach, only he travelled downward instead of up to her mouth.

"You don't have t—"

"I want to," he reassured, kissing her inner thighs. "Truth be told, Y/N, I've thought about doing this, too. Is that okay?"

"Yes," she responded clearly, extremely turned on by the needy tone in his voice.

Almost immediately after she answered, his tongue darted out to taste her, swiping gently over her clit and sending her into a state of speechlessness. She leaned up on her elbows to watch as Spencer took his time, exploring and savoring every inch of her. She knew now why he'd wanted to take his glasses off, but if anything the sight of them riding up his face as he ate her out made the whole thing even hotter.

"Fuck, Spence, that... that feels so fucking good," she breathed, trying to keep her eyes open to look at him but ultimately failing.

Her words emboldened him, and he slipped a finger slowly inside her, his tongue paying special attention to her clit. He worked them together in a slow, sensual rhythm that eventually drove her to the edge. And she told him so.

"You're gonna make me cum," she breathed, willing herself to open her eyes. She found him staring up at her as best as he could in his position, the hungry sparkle in his eye pushing her further. What finally pushed her over the edge was when he sucked gently on her clit and groaned against her as she called out his name. Everything blinded her for a moment as she rocked her hips against his face, needing to hang on to every last second of her orgasm.

When she finally came down, Spencer pulled away and adjusted his glasses, to which Y/N bit her lip and moaned once more. "You're sure you've only ever done this once?"

He laughed a little, sucking his fingers clean with a shrug before answering. "Yeah, but I'm a quick-study."

Y/N smiled and reached one of her arms out to him. "Come here, quick-study."

The two of them smiled as their lips found one another, her hands flying to his hair once again. His hands gripped her waist, and his dick pressed up against her lower stomach, making her groan against him.

Without another word, Y/N hooked her legs around his waist and shifted their weight, rolling them over so she was straddling him now. Spencer reached up to move her hair to one side of her face, and then soon after she sat up, placing her hands on his chest.

"I'll tell you something else I've thought about," she said lowly, scratching down his chest just lightly enough to give him goosebumps. She then used one of her hands to grip his dick and lifted her hips up, running the head of him through her wetness as she looked down at him. "I've thought about how good you would look while I ride you. More than once, actually."

She sank down onto him, just a little, and his face sure enough twitched in pleasure, making Y/N smile to herself. "What about you? You ever imagine me riding this pretty cock?"

"Fuck, Y/N, yes, I— Oh my god..."

She sat down completely, rocking her hips forward a little and pressing her hands harder into his chest. "Fuck, you feel so good..."

She set a slow pace, making sure to pay extra attention to Spencer's face as she worked him. Just like she'd done before, he seemed to have a hard time keeping his eyes open, but his hands gripped her hips so tightly she was sure they'd leave bruises. The thought of that spurred her on, and she picked up the pace, bouncing steadily on his cock.

"Ohhh, fuck," she groaned, her hands leaving his torso to grab her breasts. He opened his eyes and watched her, letting out a soft moan of his own. His hands slid up her sides and under hers, replacing them with his own firm grip. She leaned forward a little so he wouldn't have to reach up that far, placing both of her hands on either side of his waist.

"Tell me," she managed to say as she continued riding him. "You ever think about fucking me at work? In the round-table room or over my desk? I know I have..."

He continued to pinch and pull at her nipples while barely being able to keep his eyes open. "Y-yes... Fuck, Y/N, I think about you all the time..."

"Feeling's mutual. Sit up for me?"

Spencer opened his eyes and she helped him sit up. They adjusted for a second before she wrapped her arms around his neck and started moving again, rocking her hips into his and giving him a better angle to hit inside her deeper.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so good," she breathed against his lips before she kissed him, missing the feel of his lips on hers. Their bodies clung together perfectly, every movement feeling better than the last, until they were both obviously close to coming undone.

Sure enough, the moment she squeezed her legs together and clenched herself around him, he groaned into her mouth and bucked his hips forward. "Y/N... I..."

She pressed her forehead to his and tugged at his hair, quickening her pace just a little and feeling herself geting close as well. Any moment now and she would feel it.

"Me, too," she breathed, brushing her nose against his. Within a matter of seconds, they were both unraveling, sighing out each others' names and holding on to each other for dear life as they rode out their highs.

Eventually Y/N slowed her hips to a stop, and she slumped against him, pressing one final kiss to his lips before she got off his lap and pulled him down to lay beside her, immediately snuggling into his side and burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"So, was that better than you imagined?" she murmured against his neck, pressing kisses along collarbone.

Spencer laughed and pulled her even closer. "Even better. No dream could ever do you justice."

She smiled, feeling herself growing sleepy. "You sap... But, for the record, I could say the same thing about you."

"Really?" He seemed genuinely curious.

Y/N looked up at him and smiled, tracing patterns on his chest with her fingertips. "Really. I wasn't kidding, Spence, I think about you... probably more often than I should. You're distracting."

"I'm distracting?" he mused. "You're... you. Seriously, it's a surprise I haven't completely made a fool of myself around you since we met. Especially after we all found out about your other job."

"Right... That doesn't... weird you out, does it?"

"That you used to be a stripper?"

She nodded, truthfully a little worried. She wasn't sure why, but it had always been a problem in her previous relationships, and she'd gotten used to that.

"No, of course that doesn't weird me out. I mean, I was definitely more intimidated around you, and I figured you were completely out of my league... Truthfully, I think you still might be."

"Oh, don't sell yourself short, Doctor. You're perfect, and really, if anyone was out of anyone's league here, it would be me. I'd be lucky to have you in any capacity, you know that, right?"

He blushed, bringing his forehead to rest against hers again. "Well... In any case, I really do like you, and... If it's not too weird, maybe you'd want to go out sometime?"

Warmth bloomed in her chest as she reached out and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. "Of course. I would love to."

***

"Make it stop," Y/N whined, covering her ears with the pillow.

Spencer stirred beside her, barely awake himself. The knocking at the door wasn't stopping, and in a huff of annoyance, Y/N decided she'd had enough.

"We're getting up!"

She only realized what she did after the door opened and Elle walked in, a shit-eating grin on her face. "Oh my God, you were in here last night! I came by your room and tried calling..."

Y/N and Spencer both froze, completely awake and now well aware of the fact that someone else knew about their... sleeping arrangement.

"Uh, yeah... Yeah, I was here. Sorry if I worried you," Y/N stammered, trying to keep her cool. "I-I promised Irene I'd stop by this morning for breakfast before we left, so I should probably do that. Do, um... Do you mind?"

Elle laughed, giving the two of her friends a once-over before nodding. "Sure thing, Little Star. Oh, and uh... Good for you, Reid, proud of you."

"Elle," Y/N groaned, clutching the covers tighter around her bare torso.

"Right. Don't be too late."

After she left, Y/N leaned over to Spencer and rubbed his arm. "I'm sorry. I probably should have—"

He stopped her by pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. When he pulled away, his hand brushed the hair from her face and he smiled. "It's fine. I don't care who knows. I mean, as long as you don't, Petite Etoile..."

He said it with a grin reminiscent of the one Elle had just adorned, and it made Y/N laugh. She kissed him again and ruffled his hair. "I'm gonna get you for that."

"What? It suits you."

"You are not calling me by my stripper name. It's bad enough Elle and Morgan are probably gonna call me that for the rest of my life, I don't need it from you, too." She smiled as she said it, hoping that he knew she was only joking.

Either way, Spencer looked at her adoringly and took her hand in his. "Well, then... how about I just call you mine?"

"I like the sound of that."

#spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #criminal minds smut

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transsexualhamlet · 2 years

Text

Dead Apple Is A Hot Mess: The Analysis

Essays:

-Dead Apple Only Really Makes Sense If You Assume It's Just Dazai, Shibusawa, and Fyodor's Elaborate Honeymoon

-Half All Other Inconsistencies Can Be Explained By Dazai Making Up Excuses To Shove Chuuya At His Crotch

-I Think Fyodor's Ability Is Actually 10 Times Weirder Than We Thought

-Ranpo Solved The Backrooms While This Shit Was Going On

Plus, everything else batshit crazy stupid about dead apple (affectionate)

Subtitle subtitle: me overanalyzing the movie equivalent of "girls just wanna have fun" played over a slasher film

this is all word vomit at this point

Prefacing this with holy shit of course I mean this all jokingly, obviously this is not what the writers meant, but they certainly left enough plot holes that my stupid idea actually fills them pretty consistently, so I'm taking it and fucking running.

I've been wanting to make a post like "how little sense dead apple makes as a cohesive story and how genuinely every time I think about it I'm just more confused" for a while, but since I finally finished reading the light novel, now I can say with certainty that yeah no, I'm not just stupid, it just literally does not make any logical sense unless you conclude that these flamboyant war criminals were all just in love with each other and their entire three-way backstabbing apocalypse deal was all a predetermined game that they planned out for their honeymoon or something. Yes, I am really saying that I think they just dressed up and played pretend as terrorists and decided that half the gifted population of Yokohama was a sacrifice they were willing to make.

Even then, it really doesn't account for half of the bullshit in the movie, but taking it that way honest to god explains about 80% of the inconsistencies, as ridiculous as it sounds.

@akutagawasslur and I have been talking about it and came up with a few sort of outlandish theories that try to actually make sense of the plot, but again, most of this is just gonna be me pointing out plot holes and continuity errors and narrative stupidity that I have no way of understanding, and that even assuming a ton of things, it still feels like this meme

Let me preface this with the fact that I love dead apple, it's an amazing movie and very pretty and I'm so glad it exists and it gave us 1. soukoku sex scene /j, 2. dazai with fancy hair, and 3. shibusawa our transfem icon /hj. But also, it just objectively sucks ass. I'm sure people have talked about this before, I just. Also have thoughts on the subject of how insanely poorly thought out the entire concept was.

(Giant fucking essay under the cut I feel like one of those youtubers who criticizes anime for fun but when I call everything gay it's a compliment)

_____________________________________________________

OK FIRST, DEAD APPLE TRIO GAY,

Before I even get into the plot of the movie, I'd like to for a minute direct you to the fact that there's no way any of these men are straight to begin with, no matter what they have to do with each other.

It's something really funny about anime in general, the way that they inadvertently make all the men fruity af for interesting character designs because straight guys are just so incredibly bland looking. It might seem normal when looking at an anime dude, but if you saw a dude irl wearing long braided hair, long, manicured nails, eyeliner, Arm Warmers, clothes he sewed himself, jewelry, and a Cape, there is no doubt in ANYONE'S mind that that's not a cishet man.

Dead Apple is just in general a very confusing movie. The light novel doesn't really help that much either, even if you've already watched it several times. I've heard that the stage play has just, a different plot altogether, but we're not even getting into that. And if someone has to put in that much effort to understand the plot of an anime movie, I don't think that's a good sign. The light novel definitely does go more into the plot, but that's kind of weird, since it's an adaption of the movie and not the other way around? They're kind of inconsistent, and they also have different translations. Honestly, after reading it, I have more questions than answers.

First off, I want to point out how entirely vague Dazai, Fyodor, and Shibusawa's motives all were in this movie. Even though the movie does eventually state what in general all of their motives supposedly are, the explanations given not only Do Not Explain their actions in ANY WAY, but also come off themselves as blatant misinformation.

I feel like the writers tried so hard to have their mind games seem death note level complex that they just ended up creating massive fucking plot holes that bring all of their motives into question.

To begin with, we have Dazai. After spending an ungodly amount of time on it, I think I kind of understand what the writers intended for him to come off as. It's a little hard because they wait to reveal that Dazai didn't actually just wholeheartedly want everyone to die for a little bit too fucking long, in my opinion, and even when they did it... it didn't work, it just took away an understandable though awful motive and failed to repace it with anything good.

So you have Dazai at the start of the movie clearly having a Moment Moment on a grave going hey bestie gonna go try out a new method of fucking killing myself, and atsushi's like, ok, be back for dinner. Dazai then reveals that he thinks Everyone Should Commit Suicide Actually and it's pretty in character to be perfectly honest. Yeah sure, of course he does. Seems like his brand of mental illness. Ango is like Dazai this is a bit much even for you you Literally Invited Terrorists To Have A Good Time but dazai's like Bestie Im Just Having A Bad Day and meets up with his matching gay villains like this was planned all along, which undoubtedly it was.

Yeah, seems like a pretty understandable motive. Depressed man convinced into thinking Apocalypse Sexy by two homosexuals. I can forgive that.

But then like three quarters through the movie, after they've had a whole ass arc about how much they're depressed and want everyone to die including themselves but they have to lounge around being emo first, Dazai is suddenly like No Actually I Was Faking It Definitely To Save Yokohama Of Course Because That's Me, Mr. Morals. And as much as I'm glad Dazai did in fact give a miniscule shit about Chuuya and Atsushi and like the entire city, I... honestly don't believe it. Not just because I wouldn't trust Dazai as far as I could throw him, but because the way they try to clear his name just isn't comprehensive enough, and I have to say it would not hold up in a court of law. (I'm amazed that it took as long as it did for Dazai to get thrown in fucking prison as it did, lol)

So sure, the movie then tells us that he invited them into the city because, I guess, they were going to do it anyway? That doesn't even make any sense. If Shibusawa was already targeting Yokohama, Dazai wouldn't need to fucking invite him. We never got any clarification on what Dazai actually did to get Shibusawa's trust in the slightest. How did he help with the plan? How was he cooperating with Shibusawa? What did he say or do that made the guy trust him? No clarification on that at all.

So that is left as a mystery, and now onto the other side- what did Dazai actually do to HELP the city? How was anything he did helping save them? Of course, he was working with Fyodor and he was going to nullify the fog with his skill, right? Fucking wrong, actually- Dazai knew the whole goddamn time that wasn't going to work. He knew he was going to be betrayed and stabbed, he could pinpoint it so well that he knew what poison that Shibusawa would use, and he knew that what Fyodor was telling him about the room and the skill was a lie. He was fully aware that being in that tower with those two would not help anyone. So then why was he there to begin with?

So Dazai gets stabbed, fucking dies, and is somehow beamed up into a fucking dragon because of Fyodor killing Shibusawa and like, resurrecting him again with his own ability. This part still doesn't even make sense to me in the slightest, and the fact that Whatever They Did Here also applied to Verlaine and Rimbaud in the Lore doesn't actually clarify much.

The only reason that this works is the fact that Dazai is genuinely dead. Not passed out, not in the process of dying- no, he's straight up passed away. His ability yeeted. It doesn't work during that time Because he's Dead, or well, that's what the light novel said anyway.

Then Chuuya punches the dragon and somehow gets to Dazai and punches him...... and then... dazai fucking.... comes back to life...... because he had a pill in his mouth......... and then boom his ability comes back on and saves Chuuya. Correct me if I'm wrong, but how the fuck did that help anyone in the slightest, not to even get into the absurdity of the plat yet? Chuuya wouldnt have even needed to use corruption if Dazai hadn't gotten himself turned into a goddamn dragon.

I don't believe the fog even went away at all until Atsushi smashed in Shibusawa's skull, so Dazai's ability wasn't getting rid of the fog in the slightest, even after the whole Dragon Event. And Dazai being there didn't change the outcome of Atsushi's battle, since Shibusawa got where he was with Atsushi entirely because of what Fyodor himself wanted. That same outcome would have happened whether Dazai was there or not.

Even if there was something Dazai did to help that I somehow managed to miss, gee fucking whiz, Dazai, you sure did take your sweet fucking time getting to it. Remember all those crystals that appeared in Shibusawa's collection during this shit??? You know??? The people that fucking died in the fog???? Because you let them in?? He wasn't being particularly helpful, if anything, what he did only got Fyodor farther along in his plans and Shibusawa exactly what he wanted.

The writers attempt to present Dazai as having in the end chosen the good side, but in all fucking honesty, what they came across showing us through his actions is that he let hundreds of ability users die because he wanted to have a fun time. Bitch was not trying to save the city. He didn't care if it was saved at all, he left that completely up to three teenagers who had about a 20% chance of surviving and all fucking hated each other. And why, because he realized that Shibusawa would eventually target Yokohama? God, maybe he could have fucking called Ango or something and gotten the actual qualified government on it, or even got the whole detective agency to fight Shibusawa before he came. Surely that would have fucking worked fine, or at least had fewer casualties. If all they needed to do was have Atsushi beat the shit out of him and Dazai was fully aware of this, I don't think he really has an argument as to saying he was doing this for good.

He never even tries to say it was to save anyone. Atsushi just, decides that's what he was doing. Dazai even tells him he's wrong.

(In my opinion, I do think he cared about the city, I do think he wants to fulfill Oda's wish, but from what I've seen, he's just... not really trying as hard as he could be. I think he was playing both sides on this one, you know? If Atsushi makes it through, then boom, well, city saved, let's move on. If Shibusawa succeeds, well then everyone dies, whatever, you know, he's hot. This can't really be proven by anything, I just think it's what makes the most sense considering the plot)

So then the question is, what the hell WAS he doing? What were ANY of them doing, if they all predicted perfectly what the outcome was going to be from the beginning?

The only answer I can give is that they're fucking depressed homosexuals and they wanted to have a little morbid fun. Genuinely, if someone can give me a better reason for what is canonically being depicted in this movie I'd LOVE to hear it.

To show you why I feel that interpreting these three as queer, polyamorous, and currently having crazy gay sex, I'd just like to point out a few things.

First of all, when you think about it, the entire stunt these gayasses pulled must have taken an absurd amount of unnecessary preparations and planning. Just to begin with, neither Shibusawa nor Fyodor live in Yokohama, but the second they're there, they already have the fanciest, most emo, obviously Supervillain Hideout piece of real estate in Yokohama. It's not like that place was just sitting around with no one owning it, one of them had to BUY THE PLACE from whoever like. Owned this goth mansion.

I mean, we don't even have time to get into what the hell this building was doing in Yokohama to begin with, because it's like.... in the 15 arc. it's just. A building that exists right at the edge of the Arahabaki crater town. That's GOTTA be plot relevant, but somehow it just. Isn't. It irritates me to no end.

And then before they moved in, someone had to move an entire, crystal collection in there (I've heard that it's actually part of Shibusawa's ability like Anne's room but I'm not sure how true that is so I'm leaving that as a question i guess)

Not only did they probably have to ship 2000 crystals into this place but Shibusawa also BOUGHT THREE CUSTOM MATCHING FANCY CHAIRS and SET A TABLE WITH FRUIT AND HIS FUCKING SKULL and LITERALLY TAILORED MATCHING WHITE OUTFITS for these motherfuckers TO WEAR LITERALLY ONCE. LIKE. HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO S T A B DAZAI HE DIDNT PLAN ON REUSING THE DUDE'S COAT AND YET HE FUCKING SEWED IT HIMSELF.

I'm just. I'm SORRY, this is NOT something you do with your Work Associates. Just. Objectively. This is Not a coworkers relationship we've got going on here, and neither is this something that straight men do.

And even without the embellishments that can be excused as animators wanting to be Aesthetic and Extra without realizing that any higher thinking would deem these bitches as Fruits, the three of them didn't really have any excuses to be together in that tower in the first place, none that they could voice out loud, at least, if they weren't like, fucking.

There seemed to be no plot relevant reason for them to have a tower to stay in. If Draconia was a manifestation of Shibusawa's ability, they didn't have to purchase a building to store it in. And if Dazai and Fyodor didn't need to stay up there to stay away from the effects of the fog (another major thing I'll get to) why did they even meet up to begin with? God, I know you movie makers only have so much you can fit in, but this is pretty basic stuff.

Neither Fyodor or Dazai needed to be around Shibusawa at all for the plan they had pretended to agree on to work.

Fyodor had been aligned with Shibusawa because he was giving the dude inside information on the city. That really,,, has no relevancy to the actual event, even if Fyodor helped him get into the city or something, which wasn't really touched upon. He certainly didn't have any official excuse to hang around other than to watch.

And what did Dazai even do at all? What did he do to get into the cool kids club?? All Dazai did was propose the idea, according to canon... just. Contacted the dude and said hey bro wanna Destroy My City For Funsies? Sounds good, I'm not suspicious at all. Anyway mind if I hang out in your house while you do it? Cool? No reason, I just wanted to watch.

Because Fyodor and Dazai both Somehow are randomly immune to the fog, it's not like they needed protection of any sort. They're just...... there.

Like, that just doesn't hold up. What were they there to do other than have gay sex??? Of course, all three of them have ulterior motives that make it necessary for them to be in the same place, as well as separate different alliances within the alliance that are also lies.

Fyodor agreed to help Dazai touchie the crystals in order to stop the fog, but they both knew it was a lie.

Shibusawa agreed with Fyodor to kill Dazai because they knew he wanted to betray them, but at least Fyodor knew that was a lie.

Dazai on his own really didn't have any clear motive, as I can tell. He seemed to have known touching the crystals wouldn't fix shit, and he seemed to have known Atsushi was the only real determining factor in the outcome, so I'm not sure what he was trying to achieve there other than having a grand old time.

And Fyodor..... well, he says he wanted to kill both Dazai and Shibusawa so he could take the fog to spread out and go across the entire earth, but. No he didn't.

Legitimately. No he did not. He was in Yokohama to look for the book, yet he plays this whole "I'm going to kill everyone right now with my Secret Evil Plan" card and is so incredibly unsurprised when that doesn't end up happening that it doesn't even feel like he meant it to begin with. He tells us this grand plan over the span of TEN YEARS where he gets Shibusawa killed and resurrected and amnesia'd and killed again and then resurrected and killed again. But even though he's spent that much of his life invested in this, when it doesn't work out, literally, he doesn't care???? He fucks off and laughs the second his entire plan falls apart, and this isn't how he we've seen him act when he's been actually bested by Dazai. (yknow, he was clearly very amused when it happened in the third season, like he probably got off on it, but he was still incredibly inconvenienced by the fact. Yknow.)

He also... was in the tower when it fucking. Exploded. And then showed up utterly unscathed in season three. Like. Sure, ok, horror movie physics. He just comes back. But genuinely he must have known beforehand a general idea of what was going to happen even though he apparently "hadn't considered that"? Because otherwise he would like. Not be alive sorry Fyodor getting crushed by a giant building kind of isn't survivable.

Bestie really spend ten years investing in a night of fun.

So genuinely, I don't think it makes sense at all unless the three of them had to some degree agreed on all this beforehand. Because if they were genuinely trying to fight against each other, and they each all had their own comprehensive spiderweb of plans and lies, and they're all really that smart, what would they say to each other when they were all together that any of them would believe? Even if they all knew the others were lying to them and they had to go along to get what they wanted, that wouldn't fix the problem, because what are they lying to say? What would their front be when they have no plot relevant reason to lounge around in a tower together listening to classical music and getting drunk?

If you just accept that they were there to paint each others nails and have crazy gay sex, that pretty much clears that all up. I mean. Why do they need a tower? Gay sex tower. Why do they need to be together? They're gay. Why does Dazai say "i knew your Special Knife would deal me a Nasty Blow" while moaning? I hate the gays. /j (they took that out of the novel and it makes me laugh like. they knew how awful that sounded)

The thing is though, because like I said earlier with how it all ended up playing out, it seemed almost scripted between the three of them. (haha, this is a movie.) But even if you assume these three are in a queer polyamorous relationship as a FRONT, because they're just That Extra, that doesn't really work either.

The way Dazai reacted to their betrayal, the way Fyodor reacted to Dazai's backup plan, the way Shibusawa reacted to Fyodor's plan- none of them seemed unhappy with it, none of them seemed surprised at the fact they were being betrayed, just the specific way in which it happened.

So that's really the only reasonable explanation of what they were doing dhfgdfhgfjfdl. All of them had to have gotten together at least months beforehand and set this up, the way it went. In the end, Fyodor and Dazai just wanted to give Shibusawa a good time before he got to be too much of a problem for their own motives. (dazai's being, existing in yokohama and finding a good way to either die or live, and fyodor's being to find a book in yokohama to murder everyone in his Own Way(??)) Shibusawa genuinely did want to destroy the city tbh I don't think anyone's doubting that, and to some extent, Dazai wanted to see the city Not Destroyed, but Fyodor's utter lack of actual motive here kind of breaks a scenario where they all went into it for that reason.

The only normal reason why I'd believe Fyodor inserted himself into this plan was because he'd have a chance to kill Dazai. Seriously, I still can't see what was wrong with going along with Shibusawa... isn't "i can help all ability users Fucking Die" literally just what Fyodor wants? He can still get the book afterwards too, assumedly once all the competition is gone it would be significantly easier.

The only reason I can give is that it was a fake piece of entertainment for their amusement.

Again at this point it's all just a funny idea, but genuinely, nothing contradicts this, and it certainly would make a lot of things make sense. So get this:

Dazai knows Shibusawa is going to be some level of threat to Yokohama no matter what he does, so he brings together the three of them and goes, hey you know what would be fun? We have a little bet. A little game of among us if you will. So here's the deal. One night, three of us, two knives, one murder. We let you into Yokohama to start up your funny apocalypse thing you wanted to do, and I'll get this cool tower and we'll have a good time. We all get drunk, put on some atmospheric music.... Now here's the catch, MY role is I'm going to try to STOP the fog from killing everyone. Shibusawa, YOU have to try to stop ME from stopping YOU, and FYODOR, you're here because, idk, we like you and you want to kill us, I don't know, surprise us, come up with something insane, and the two of us will have to figure out what YOU'RE doing without spoiling it! We have a few months to all come up with our own plans and try to figure everyone else's out. Let's make this as insane as possible guys. We all have plenty of reasons to benefit from the other being dead, so, Winner gets to homoerotically murder the loser, but we're all suicidal here anyway, so it's really a win win situation no matter how you look at it. Does that sound good? And of course they both say yes and they start making plans and it's like, half a year before this thing happens.

It really means that they had to have all been in on every level of betrayal and decided to go in on it anyway, they had to agree to this stuff and then planned it all in their heads so some of it would be a surprise.

_____________________________________________________

ANYWAY MORE DUMB INCONSISTENCIES THAT I COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO ACTUALLY PUT INTO A COHERENT ORDER

There's a significant amount of other things about this candy colored piece of nonsense though, specifically just, how absolutely batshit stupid the storyline itself is.

Like, Dazai, straight up fucking died. He passed away!! He, unalived, if you will!! He got stabbed by a poison knife and died! His ability stopped working and separated from his body which specifically said in the narrative would only happen if he Actually Died!

But then??????? Chuuya slaps him?????? And there's a pill in his mouth that he's somehow kept there for the whole night???? And he just!! Resurrects from the goddamn dead!

Yeah, I know it's supposed to be like that because blah blah snow white but SNOW WHITE IS THE MOST ILLOGICAL FAIRY TALE EVER and to convert that to anime is just. Wow the anti death pill that heals Stab Wounds, great job. It didn't even actually get swallowed by dazai, when Chuuya punched him! The pill CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH. It popped ! Outside of his mouth! So he didn't swallow it either!

What the fuck happened then? Chuuya simply slapped him right out of hell. Man climbed back up eeby deeby screaming. I swear to fucking god.

It seemed that the pill which exploded several feet from his mouth also healed his stab wound, considering that the knife fucking disappeared from Dazai's back, along with all the blood.

__________________________________________________

ON THE WORKINGS OF ABILITIES- another batshit theory

Ok, so, the whole workings of the fog regarding different abilities and stuff is also rather inconsistent.

It's stated Chuuya's ability works even in the fog because it's artificial, which makes fine sense if you've read stormbringer, yeah. But ok. If Chuuya doesn't need protection from the fog, then why when Dazai and Chuuya fall to the ground, Dazai is like "oh no you have to stay touching me because the fog isn't gone yet!!" DAZAI HE WAS FINE BEFORE YOU JUST WANT AN EXCUSE TO GO HOLD STILL GIRLIE *SHOVES YOU AGAINST MY CROTCH*

Also, why is atsushi's ability super fucking powerful? We still have not solved this. Still no one goddamn knows. He is an ability but he's also the antithesis of all abilities.... why did this have to be Atsushi, he's literally a fucking tiger? It actually makes no sense. If I was gonna choose someone to be the "antithesis of all abilities" it would be Dazai? I feel like that makes significantly more sense to be dazai here like seriously what's more "antithesis of all abilities" than an ACTUAL ABILITY THAT NULLIFIES ABILITIES? And it would have like. Actually made the movie make sense then. But no??

It's not only that that makes no sense, the whole premise of Shibusawa himself existing and the way the fog works is also, paradoxical in nature. It makes a little sense with stormbringer and the idea of these singularities, but. I'm sorry, if Dazai's ability doesn't work when he's dead, or like, apparently "really really close to dead but also Totally Fine after getting punched" according to 55 minutes logic (like. hi) then Shibusawa's ability can't work after his death either.

How shibusawa's ability works is that it separates someone from their ability, and when the original person dies, the ability becomes a crystal. Not like. A sentient ghost who forgets it died with a skull completely separate from his body. Like. Show me where that makes sense.

Fyodor's ability somehow makes even less sense. Ofc, we don't know a lot about his ability, and that's somewhat of the point. But like, without dead apple Existing, no one would question what Fyodor's ability was. Oh yeah, crime and punishment, he kills people that he judges guilty with a touch of his hand, ok. The specifics are a little hazy, maybe he controls the blood, maybe he controls the soul, maybe both. But you watch this goddamn fucking movie and somehow, his ability is its own singularity as well as Dazai's and Shibusawa's, and that is why they're all immune to the fog?

The question here then is... what is the singularity? What is the paradox of his ability, how are "crime" and "punishment" different yet something that would completely cancel each other out and make the fog not work?

Well. I have an idea. It is. Certainly not to be taken super seriously, but I think it would clear up a bit of what's going on in this shit show.

Personally, I think that Fyodor controls life- that he has the ability to resurrect people as well as kill them. Resurrecting is the "crime", killing is the "punishment". They go hand in hand, they cancel each other out, they tie into Fyodor's whole religious metaphor junk.

Ok, that makes sense right? Shibusawa issue solved, weird semantics with ability singularities and Shibusawa being like. The remnant of an ability just continuing to exist after death for no fucking particular reason solved. Dazai literally dying fr and then coming back to life with the most stupid reasoning ever solved.

Also, per my last essay, they're gay. So that's why he'd ressurect them over and over again.

Again, this is a very non-serious answer, however it does make a lot of sense somehow.

__________________________________________________

The Aftermath TM (or lack thereof)

One of the funniest things about this movie is how nonsensical the whole premise of its existence within the bsd canonical universe is. They shoved it in the middle of season 2 and 3, but it was released after season three, so things got weird.

First of all, since season three was written first, obviously Fyodor's real introduction comes in season three. This is all fine and dandy out of universe (except if you watch it in chronological order and then you're just like? They're introducing this russian dude in dead apple as if I know who he is already? When this is... clearly his first appearance in Yokohama.) But in universe, after the events of dead apple, these people would know who Fyodor was already.

So, Dazai never informed anyone of Fyodor's existence or involvement in dead apple. Ok. Of course he wouldn't. They want to keep their relationship private. Alright.

Even though it happens canonically and chronologically before season three, it's only ever mentioned in season 3 literally twice (introducing fyodor as "that guy from the shibusawa incident" and just. literally. Dazai eating an apple when he sees Fyodor in the alley. Which is so subtext-ey as to barely even count.) But other than that it seems to be an event that like... just... no one talks about. At all. We don't know the aftermath of this event and it makes no sense how thing could have gone back to normal after this.

So yeah, that means he didn't open up and explain what happened. No one seemed to question Dazai's motives at all.

Ango knew Dazai was working with Shibusawa and presumably got kind of fucked up by them, yet. We get nothing about that. He never denied working with them, and yet, he just goes back to the ADA and no one fucking wonders whY THE SHIT HE DID THAT? They're literally like oh wow. Well that happened. I don't know what Dazai did and he doesn't care to tell us. Anyway haha don't do it again and you're fine lol

Second of all... literally 90% of the city FUCKING POPPED OUT OF EXISTENCE FOR A DAY. That is not a thing that can go unnoticed.

Imagine you're fucking? Just a normal dude in Yokohama. And you just. Don't exist for a bit. Or maybe you were hanging out in the backrooms and thought it was a dream or something. But imagine you pop back where you were and a whole calendar day has passed. There's crashed cars everywhere, evidence of many battles and lots of destroyed buildings, half of downtown is destroyed, that Weird Ass Tower fell down, there are at least a hundred Fucking Dead Bodies killed by mysterious means just, fucking, hanging out in really ridiculous places... and almost nobody remembers what happened.

This wasn't just a few people who disappeared, this was EVERYBODY. Are they just gonna pop back in their cars? Or the spot where they had disappeared? And just go? This is fine where did all these corpses come from? Half the buildings have been leveled by Dragon Shaped Footprints ah godzilla moment lol

How did they cover this up? How could Ango And The Government possibly fucking manage to contain something this size? Yokohama would look like it had just been through the fucking owari no seraph catastrophe. And yet. Somehow this isnt a problem.

Even the ability users seemed not to really bring this up at all after. Yknow. Ok. They treat it like a fever dream and never mention it again because that's what it was.

I think something that sums this up perfectly is the part at the end where the fourth wall kinda breaks a little and the writers apologize for all of their motives and actions being a hot mess. Tsujimura is like "hey ango lol... What TM" and Ango just turns around like "yeah you wouldn't understand... dazai and fyodor and shibusawa are just... you can't understand them... they're a lot like joker from the movie joker."

essay complete go about your days and contemplate my word vomit 👍

#rowan screams into the void #rowan's hyperfixation essays #bungou stray dogs #I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS ENTIRE THING #but it is. somewhat bsd analysis

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fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy · 3 years

Text

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

#tales of arcadia #rise of the titans #trollhunters #rott #rise of the titans spoilers #rott spoilers #toa #3 below #athena's own original post!#jim lake jr #claire nuñez #toby domzalski

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